#i think this just Got me bc i’ve been feeling guilty about how hard it is to draw these days

[imnotokayhru]

I fully believe Mouthwashing wouldn’ve had an alternate ending if Jimmy went up in the vent instead of Daisuke

Here’s how it’d go

Jimmy goes up into the vent after some convincing from Daisuke

Daisuke insists he’s too scared to, and Jimmy gives in to his pleading only because he wants him to shut up

The vent ends up breaking just like it did for Daisuke, but the worst that happens to Jimmy is a couple of broken ribs

He’s almost completely fine

Later that night, Swansea and Daisuke are taking while Jimmy’s asleep

They talk about putting Jimmy out of his misery because he’s having a hard time breathing

It’s mostly Daisuke worried about him breathing normally

Swansea is the one suggesting they kill Jimmy

Of course Jimmy wakes up during their conversation, but only listens

Then what causes Jimmy and Swansea’s fight is what Jimmy heard Swansea saying

It ends up going how it goes in the normal game

Jimmy shoots Swansea and Swansea dies

HOWEVER, Daisuke sees Jimmy shooting Swansea and gets upset

For one night, Daisuke thinks about killing Jimmy

He plans it out in his head, but he’s hesitant about it

So, when the time comes, Daisuke confronts Jimmy about killing Swansea

Daisuke: Why did you do it?

Jimmy: What-?

Daisuke: Swansea- Why did you kill him?

Jimmy: I had to. He attacked me-

Daisuke: B-But…You could’ve talked it out! Or- I don’t know. Just…not shot him?

Jimmy: Look, Daisuke-

Daisuke: No! You look, Jimmy! You killed someone! It-It’s not right!

Jimmy: It doesn’t matter, Daisuke. Swansea came at me first.

Daisuke: No! No, no!

Jimmy: I know it’s hard, but-

Daisuke: Your fucking right it’s hard! I thought Anya’s death would be the only one! The only person we had to worry about fucking rotting on this damn ship! But-But no! You killed him! It’s all your fault!

Jimmy: Daisuke, calm down.

Daisuke: I can’t-I can’t- I can’t do this anymore, man.

Jimmy: I know. It’s difficult.

Then, Daisuke later grabs the axe, and waits for Jimmy down in the utility room

Jimmy finds him and tries to convince him not to give into his anger, and to get his shit together

Rightfully so, Daisuke doesn’t listen

Daisuke: I’m gonna do what you didn’t give Swansea the chance to.

Jimmy: Daisuke, please-

And Daisuke beats the shit out of Jimmy with the axe

Daisuke realizes what he’s done after he’s already chopped Jimmy into Twenty Fucking Pieces /ref

He feels extremely guilty, and has a good cry over it for at least 15 minutes

I can imagine there’d be the same surrealist visuals like with Jimmy, but this time it’s more lighthearted

With Swansea comforting Daisuke

Swansea: Listen, kid. Yer a fine mechanic.

Daisuke: …

Swansea: …You didn’t work things out the same as I would’ve, but you did your best.

Daisuke: …Really?

Swansea: Yeah. You clearly learned a hell of a lot.

Daisuke: I guess so. Thanks.

Swansea: It’s the least I can do. After all you’ve been through, I’d be drinking that mouthwash again.

Daisuke: Hah. I think I’ve had enough of the stuff.

Swansea: Me too. Me fuckin’ too.

Finally, Daisuke clears his thoughts, and gets into the cryo pod

He doesn’t know when he’ll be found, but he knows what he can say he learned and who he learned it from

(We can safely assume Captain Curly succumbed to his injuries bc Daisuke forgot about him) (Or maybe Jimmy took care of him before anyone else got the chance to)

[flamingo-writes]

hello >-<

so i have this idea

hobie is a punk musician right? what if he kinda like this artist (their work and all) but the artist is a anon so he got no idea who it was but he knows their art style by heart

he would go to art galleries that will feature the artist

he would even go to the extent of buying a print or two

he would also ask for a commission from the artist

but he would do all of it in incognito (he’s like an idol idoling his idol from the fake acc to ask for comms to disguises just to go to the gallery)

little did he know his fav artist/reader is also a big fan of his band

how would they meet??

(sorry if it’s to long or kinda hard to understand, thank youuu have a wonderful day)

•🍓

You have no idea how much I loved this. I kinda projected myself (like I’ve honestly been in all of my hobie fanfics, but bcs I too, am a punk and do art occasionally) my eco-punk tendencies keep showing, and I’m honestly not gonna stop anytime soon (as you can tell from the constant mention of plants in my writing). This took me forever but I’ve been hella busy 😭

I’ll perhaps do a second part of this

WC: 1.2K or something.

Art is Freedom — Hobie x GN!Reader

"Art is Freedom" was the signature of the anonymous artist Hobie desired to meet. There was something about their art that simply fascinated him. From murals made out with plants, to your standard mural with spray paint. In galleries, this same artist did installations with all sorts of recycled materials. From newspaper, cardboard, paper, sometimes even stuff like aluminium and glass. Others screen printing on recycled fabric and old shirts, and most recently digital art, with the option of buying prints.

What Hobie liked about this artist was how cold and straightforward could they be with their art to express their thoughts and feelings. With a strong commentary on environmentalism. Also very graphic art talking about feminism and domestic violence. He loved the passion put into these pieces, he gawked at the raw energy expiring from the art pieces.

However, tracking them down was particularly hard. They were good at covering up their tracks. Although Hobie knew what that was like, so he started thinking in a similar way this anonymous artist would do. Sometimes feeling guilty for wanting to uncover this artist’s identity, he wouldn’t like it if someone was waiting for him to make a mistake at covering his tracks and found out who he was. But at the same time, he genuinely wanted to meet this person, have a talk with them, sure that Spider-Man and this artist would get along very well.

One fortuitous day, at the art gallery Hobie liked to frequent, there was a new exposition. This one was a photography show. It was the first time this artist showcased pictures. The theme was punk. And most of the photos were from concerts. Spider-Man was even in most of them. Not only was this artist a fan of his band, but from the pictures, Hobie was able to get an idea of who this artist was.

The group of hardcore punks who always showed up to his concerts, art shows, or were wrecking havoc during manifestations, was for the most part the same crowd. Some faces and even names became familiar not only to him but to everyone else.

And you had a face easy to recognise. You had a reputation for always being in the middle of the mosh pit, jamming and jumping like everybody else. However, you were taking pics. Right in the middle of the mosh, you managed to take the best pictures from the stage and the crowd. How did you manage to take those pics while getting out, not only yourself but your camera intact? It was a mystery many people liked to think about.

Hobie had seen you at almost every gig. And he’d seen the magnificent work you did with the photos. However, for the two years he’s been following this anonymous artist, he’d never seen photos. However, for the three or four years you’ve been following his band, he’d seen you in the crowd and seeing your work.

And now standing in front of your exposition, he could clearly identify the peculiar style of the pictures. Those pictures clearly were taken from the depths of a mosh pit. And keeping cameras intact and photos this good of a mosh pit could only be you.

His eyes widened at the realisation. He knew you all along, and had been watching your work from afar for so long. He didn’t personally know you, but he’d seen you around so much to think you were a cool lad, the pins on your jacket were rad, and that you had good taste in music. And of course, he thought you were a talented photographer.

But now that he’d put two and two together, not only were you a magnificent photographer, but an overall artist. The respect and admiration he felt for you duplicated, as he’d thought he was admiring at two different artist while it was actually one and the same.

“Oh! Look at these!” Some people in the gallery said as they neared the pictures and paid close attention to them. “Dude, this pics are sick! Kinda like the ones you always take!”

He diverted his gaze and saw a couple of people leaning closer to take in the details, and a third person wearing a hoodie. Hands hidden in the pouch and hood over their head.

“They’re pretty good,”

Hobie raised an eyebrow as he paced around the gallery, trying to get closer, wondering if it could be you underneath that hoodie.

As he got closer, pretending to glance at the pictures, he saw you from the corner of his eyes and smirked. Your poker face was actually very good, but he could see right through it.

“You think the artist knows how meaningful their art is to others?” Hobie said in a low voice as he glanced at you.

“They better! They’re fucking awesome!” One of your friends said, clueless of what Hobie was trying to do.

“I’m sure they’ve got some idea,” You said meeting Hobie’s stare.

“Well, they sure are my favourite artist, I’ll tell you that…” He said confidently. “I’ve seen you around in gigs, haven’t I?”

“Yeah, probably. I’m always around in gigs…” You said shyly.

“Especially Spider-Man! You love that guy!” One of your friends said, as you felt your cheeks warming up slightly.

“Do you?” Hobie asked.

“His style is very unique. And he’s amazing. He’s been a huge inspiration for me,” reluctantly, you admitted.

“Really? That’s cool. I’m Hobie,” His smirk flashed across his face with a slight arrogant yet full of charm.

“Nice meeting you,” You introduced yourself to him, telling him your name. “I like your style…” You said, pulling one of your hands out of the pouch of your hoodie and pointed at his pins.

“Thanks,” He said, repeating your name. “So, you said Spider-Man was an inspiration…”

“I do art sometimes,” You shrugged. “I wish I could live off of it but, it’s hard,”

“The world is so unkind to artist, unless you decide to sell yourself like a whore,”

You looked at Hobie, thinking there was something strangely familiar and yet refreshing of him. He was tall, he was skinny, but definitely looked like the guy you wouldn’t want to get in a fight with. And yet, he didn’t look all that intimidating. In fact, you felt curious.

“Yeah, pretty much…” You agreed.

“Wanna go for a beer sometime?”

It was hard for you not to smirk as you looked away. Your friends now further away, having read the room and left you alone with Hobie.

“Excuse me?” You armed yourself with courage to look back at him and meet his stare, his eyes a lighter shade of brown compared to the rest of his skin. He was gorgeous, you thought.

“You seem like a pretty interesting person, I’d like to know you better and know a bit more about the art you make, if that’s okay of course…” He shrugged, nonchalantly, able to read your slightly shy and awkward demeanour.

“Do I know you?” You asked.

Hobie chuckled softly. Knowing exactly what you meant, wondering if you were able to somehow relate him to Spider-Man already.

“Yeah, I introduced myself two minutes ago,” he teased, as you chuckled and rolled your eyes playfully.

“No—I me-mean yeah…” You giggled “But…Before that?”

Hobie shrugged.

“Why you ask?”

“I don’t know…” You sighed looking at him curiously, attentively. “Something about you feels oddly familiar…”

“Perhaps,” He shrugged “who knows, there’s only one way to find out…” He winked.

You smirked.

“Later today? At the Hayfield?” You said, naming your favourite bar, agreeing to his invitation.

“Someone likes artisan beer,” Hobie pointed out with an approving nod.

“Isn’t that the best kind of beer?” This time, you shrugged nonchalantly “Besides, Hayfield supports all the local beer producers and amateurs too”

“Nice. See you then,” Hobie said. “9 works for you?”

“9 it is” You smirked, feeling your chest stirring slightly.

“Nice meeting ya��� He said turning around, with a triumphant smirk.

“Nice meeting you too…”

~~~~~~~~~

don’t forget to leave a comment if you like this and reboots always help your local and favourite writers get more traction 🙆🏻‍♀️

[redux-iterum]

Something I’ve really been enjoying is how the redux is exploring what “should” happen in clan culture versus what Does Actually happen.

Like, ThunderClan knows Bluestar at this point point Should Not be leader, both for her health and for the Clan, but everyone has a hard time actually accepting that, and deciding on what a good path forward is.

It’s super interesting to watch the difference between just saying “well when a leader isn’t fit to lead they retire” and actually living through it, yknow?

(I’ve been musing on this a lot every time there’s a hypothetical ask about what would the clans do in xyz situation, bc the more I think about it, the more it feels like it’s always just going to be Its Complicated! In this setting haha)

"It's complicated" is indeed the answer 90% of the time! I've sort of lost interest in giving absolute, black-and-white answers to hypotheticals, because the grey is far more fun to me.

The thing is, in reality, we have a lot of laws and "correct" actions to take in every circumstance, but rarely are they always followed through on. Sometimes an asshole cuts you in line and no one says anything, even though at least one person should call them out. Sometimes people get away with crimes they are patently guilty of because of some loophole or faulty judgement of the jury. It's to the point that when leadership takes a logical, just decision or makes a law for equality, it's news-worthy because that barely ever seems to happen. We can say "oh, if I was there, I would've stood up to him", but how many of us actually would when we've got an angry buff guy in our face?

It's just something I've noticed a lot more lately, and something I like applying to stories and settings. Things are complicated, and we should allow them to be in fiction. It's fascinating to me!

[lailuhhh]

okay but you got me thinking so much about how young Mac looks when they're in the Sandbox. Like. Mac looks like a kid, he's baby faced anyway (tell us your secrets Lucas Till, I'm begging you), but something about the long hair from the original 2016 pilot is just. Ingrained into my brain and is NOT letting my brain worms escape.

I need Jack half teetering on the edge when he realizes just how young his EOD is; yeah he's gonna have to be somewhat competant bc he isn't dead yet, y'know? But Jack had never thought he'd be partnered up with a baby faced know it all that looks even younger than he actually is, like is he old enough to drink? Old enough to drive?

Jack is about to actually have a fucking aneurysm everytime he looks at the damn kid and the big bruise on his face, spreading across his temple. Looks like a damn smacked puppy, Jack grumbles to himself, and has to resolutely shove thoughts of Riley out his mind, but then the worst happens.

Mac and Jack bond and Jack is just confronted with the fact that this baby faced know it all is his responsibility and Jack did that. Jack did that himself and he might as well through himself a baby shower with a sign yelling congratulations its a twenty plus year old baby and he just has to scream into his helmet for a few seconds every day to try and work on his PTSD and the absolute anxiety attack this damn kid gives him.

Meanwhile Mac is happily playing with bombs and thinks his overwatch is a weird weird man that desperately needs to fucking chill, and this is Mac thinking that so he definitely needs to.

Right???

Canonically, Mac’s around 21-22 when they actually meet, but with a face like that?? That screams 17-19. Like all my army days writing, it’s never really clicked that Mac is so much younger than what we see on the screen

Jack’s had younger guys as partners before, but they always looked their age. Last guy was early to mid twenties and he looked it, or more so, he looked aged. Everyone Jack had been partnered with either looked their age, or older than they were because of what war does to people

Mac was the first one that was young that looked young, despite him being captive for however long, and somehow that made it worse. Mac saw the horrors of war and had been living as a prisoner, yet he still looked his age

Ignoring canon though, Jack knows it’s a new guy messing with his stuff because he doesn’t recognize the back of his head and it just sets him off and he spins Mac around and just decks him

Then maybe later after everything happened and they go on their first outing, a good portion of Mac’s face his all bruised because of just how hard Jack got him, Jack does feel a bit guilty because maybe he did overreact and was having a bad day and he shouldn’t have taken out the anger on Mac, so it’s just—

“I’m sorry man; some shitbag up the ladder is ridin my ass and stressin me out. Ya didn’t deserve that and I’m sorry for takin my anger out on you. Looks like I messed up yer pretty boy face— how old are ya anyways?”

And when Mac says however old he is, that’s when it hits Jack of oh my god he’s a literal kid it’s not just a case of baby face

That’s when the panic sets in of Mac shouldn’t be there and shouldn’t be disarming bombs and should be at college and what the fuck was the military thinking of letting him enlist, and then Mac’s already been there two years, which makes him panic more because the realization of Mac enlisting at an even younger age was the aneurism inducing fact of he needs to get this fucking kid out of the army

And yeah Mac’s just over here like wow man I’ve never seen this kind of IED before and don’t know where to start. Let’s shake it and see what happens and Jack’s doing his best not to keel over from panic and heart attacks every time they go out

[velvees-archive]

TGAA 1-1 Spoilers (Live React)

*with spoilers for AA first and second trilogy

finished the first case for the great ace attorney. verdict? i really enjoyed myself. playing tgaa feels like a reintroduction to the ace attorney games that hooked me in the first place.

musings under the cut!

i wasn’t supposed to start my tgaa playthrough until next year bc i wanted to give myself space to be a functioning human being + write ace attorney fic…but then my brother begged me and i am an older sibling before i’m anything else, i guess, so here we are.

first case’s logic was pretty sound. it’s the tutorial so i wasn’t expecting anything groundbreaking. coming from someone who tackled the aa trilogies + aai duology first, the lack of “scientific” autopsy reports adds tension to the courtroom battles that does wonders for increasing stakes. i’m intrigued and a little overwhelmed at the idea of watching passive witnesses during cross-examinations. in a good way, i think. like taking apollo’s perceive ability and loading it with crack and a bit more realism.

there’s some character bloat bc we technically exposed two criminals. nothing too jarring, though it does make the case stretch. leaving the murderer’s motive unexplored reminds me very much of aa4. this case felt like an amalgamation of the dahlia and kristoph trials. two thumbs up!

i remember reading somewhere that shu takumi had a hard time writing apollo bc he’d already exhausted his creativity writing phoenix. clearly that wasn’t a problem when it came to fleshing out ryunosuke bc his character is very discernible from the former, and written in such a refreshing way that you can’t help but be endeared by him. make no mistake though. the real star of this case is his defense counsel/best friend: kazuma asogi.

oh my god he makes me wanna eat drywall

they put him front and center in this case. a captivating design, a sheathed katana, and a headband that defies the laws of physics makes for an eye catching character. that among uh..

other……….aesthetic-related considerations.

i didn’t mind the 3D models in spirit of justice very much (don’t look, dd phoenix, trucy, and apollo can’t hurt you) but capcom evidently hit their stride with the tgaa models because! because!!!!

bro.

setting aside the fact that the two main characters constantly reaffirm their friendship plus kazuma calls ryunosuke partner no joke 10+ times throughout the trial, i am loving the implication that ryunosuke very well could have been found guilty had he chosen not to defend himself. kazuma’s ‘oh how sad, you didn’t believe i could get you off’ hit a little too close to home. for narrative reasons i hope they turn that into resentment. they probably won’t though.

the central theme here is belief in your client. at some point during the trial, kazuma throws in the towel, but ryunosuke doesn’t. is this not good set up for a best friend-turned-rival/enemy plot point?

kazuma seems like your typical justice-oriented defense attorney but i am sensing something very dark about him that may or may not be proven correct as i continue playing. he says something about proving a client innocent by all means necessary or something close to that effect. im guessing that isn’t a good thing if dd has anything to say abt the phrase.

as of writing this, i’ve just finished up the whole case and kazuma’s got a secret mission + a deep fascination with ryunosuke’s talent for pointing out contradictions…yeah ok this guy has to be an antagonist in the making right? right???

please don’t actually spoil me, i am shooting theories into the dark bc i derive enjoyment from being proven right or wrong

at the very least, kazuma isn’t as honest as he makes himself out to be. i have a sneaking suspicion this guy is going to pull the wool over my eyes one way or another.

theories be damned, though, i’m interested to see how shu takumi will balance having 2 best friends/defense attorneys in this game. i’m mindful of bloat but cautiously optimistic that he can make it work, unlike whatever the hell took place in the apollo justice trilogy.

i’m still doing my ace attorney first trilogy + aai duology replay so my blog posts are going to be an odd mix of everything. sorry abt that…

tl;dr we are sooooo back

[gaybd1]

pls allow me to make a long life update ramble here bc im sick of irl people not understanding at all

I feel like I have a feel disconnected points to make

People like me aren’t meant to get bachelor’a degrees and we’re DAMN SURE not meant to get master’s

I’m 1000% just in survival mode right now and there’s theoretically a month left to go but idek if I’ll make it that long tbh

It has taken me YEARS to figure out a healthy/sustainable work-life balance that goes with my executive dysfunction but that’s NOT POSSIBLE working full time AND doing a degree

I’ve been feeling guilty for resting at all lately (and probably should) but yet if I don’t my health suffers majorly

It has always been hard for me to get simple things done, but now I can’t even THINK about simple necessary errands like walking to the supermarket or going to get a cell phone number or updating shit at the bank because ALL my energy goes to keeping me and my dog alive, keeping a job, and trying to stay in this program

I have delayed my transition by YEARS to pay for all this which was definitely the wrong call ughhhhh

I worked SO hard all of K-12 to get into a good university, when it came down to it didn’t even want to go, was too depressed to apply to hardly any, chose my best option still not knowing what I wanted to do but forced into it and forced to take out all of these loans when I didn’t even know what they meant.

Ended up never dealing with audhd shit, trauma shit, didn’t know what I was doing with my life, tried to get jobs to pay for school but couldn’t handle class and jobs at the same time so got more depressed until I stopped going to classes altogether and got kicked out

That would have been great for me tbh but I still didn’t know what else to do so I begged them to let me back in which they did and I ended up barely graduating with some pointless major I just chose to get me a degree. And also $80k of student debt I had no way to even comprehend knowing how to use

Didn’t know what to do after that either so I ended up in retail for a couple years before I got a random rare opportunity to get me out of there and doing what I always wanted

Well. I felt like I needed to make up for lost time degree-wise and ended up basically begging myself into this half-shitty program that culminates in this masters. I applied maybe five years ago, waited a little over two to start until I had money to pay for it (this is after fleeing the US and the 80k lmao) and somehow killed the first year of it.

I took another year and a half off trying to figure out the rest of the money which I eventually did and that’s how we end up here. I will hopefully have the degree in October but will still be paying for it the rest of the school year rip

So financially this sacrifice is obviously huge and on one hand I never thought I’d be able to do it so yay me and on the other hand I have NOT been able to pursue v v important trans stuff which I notice and deal with eVERY GODDAmn day thanks AND I will also probably not be able to make my every-18-month visit home next summer with my family which also gODDAMN SUCKS because family was EVERYTHING to me growing up and they’ve all forgotten it and probably think I have too but I miss those mfers so much and they would never buy a flight to come see me so.

ANYWAY yeah in undergrad I could NOT do a job and school at the same time so I’ve been proud of being able to handle it this time around but the last fourish months of this program are so intense and I am NOT handling it

Like I have done SO WELL up to now so I feel like I just GOTTA keep going but it’s SO HARD and I’m TOO STUPID and I’ve been told my whole life I’m not meant for higher education and now BOY DO I KNOW IT

I’m just trying to keep going. I order food and groceries to my house. I’m putting off super important errands and appointments as long as I can because I JUST CANT GET THERE I CANNOT WASTE SPOONS ON CELL PHONE PLANS RIGHT NOW I’m just trying to stay alive holy shit

I hate feeling so incompetent in my personal life especially because I’ve always put my professional life first out of like. Fear of losing it. and I KNOW this “laziness” is justified bc I’m spread so thin AND have executive dysfunction and a chronic illness but holy shit it still feels bad scoob. So fucking bad.

I think what I need to do is arrange time off work just to get this all sorted and finished but I’ve literally never taken a day off in my life so I’d feel bad and have MORE anxiety figuring out how to do it lololol ahhhhhhhh

[circular-bircular]

It drives me up a wall that ppl argue “anti endos are the only harassers!!!” And yet the past few days the sys course tag has been nothing but going against anti endos for? Some reason? Like just outta nowhere I started to see posts going on and on about how anti endos are sooo horrible and how dare they want anti endo only spaces like hello pot??

It’s just… infuriating to see it all bcs why the hell would anyone even consider looking at a different perspective if the first thing they see is people bashing anti endos (and often CDD systems in the same breath) and using that to uplift pro/endos like you can’t seriously claim to want anti endos to listen when everything is about insulting/shaming anti endos in a number of ways some less subtle than the last

I’m neutral on it all but if I was still anti today and thought “well maybe I should try to understand their side” and saw all that then?????? Hell no

Hell even being neutral I’m still not favorable to interactions bcs I don’t want that kinda energy in my space

Sry I’m just so GAH about it all and saw your post on syscourse stances and the harassment thing and was just “finally”

(Ough I’m so sorry I’m rambling hard on this one)

I fully agree that anti-endos aren’t the only harassers. But I also agree that endogenic systems are going through a lot right now. It’s easy for me to not see, but that’s because I’ve got a lot of folks blocked. There really are a lot of anti-endo assholes popping up each day lately, and I’m sorry for all the Endogenic systems dealing with that hatred. I’ve been there. It fucking sucks. I also am sorry for the CDD systems suffering through hatred currently, regardless of syscourse stance. It’s all hellish sometimes.

In my eyes, the way a lot of pro-endos tackle things isn’t beneficial. It’s either bait to encourage anti-endos to rage (which is often triggering to boot), or it’s just vocalizing hatred into a public space. Neither of these things are needed, especially if the goal is to make it so that anti-endos “aren’t a thing anymore.” Anti-endos fall into this same trap; many are trying to protect their disorders, but they do so via harassment, mockery, or similarly vocalized hatred. All in some attempt to “make things better for ‘real’ systems.”

It feels like many people in syscourse are doing something I like to call Aimless Activism. They know something is wrong (fakeclaiming, bad sources, ableism, etc), so they rally against it loudly and boldly, because That’s The Point. You’re Supposed To.

I’m guilty of this myself honestly. But… you need a goal. You need to have a point beyond This Is Activism, because if you don’t have an actionable goal, then you’re not actually working toward anything. You’re just shouting.

My goal on my blog is to share my personal experiences and talk about things that interest me. That’s it. I’ve tried to be an Aimless Activist for awhile now, convincing myself that it’s activism to argue online. And I don’t know, maybe to some, my blog fits that description. But at this point, I don’t… think it matters. I’m tired of playing in this giant sandbox where everyone is kicking the sand in each other’s faces while I try to build my sand castle.

I think a lot of other people are too. Has anyone else noticed how many new faces there are here? How a lot of the old faces have gone away? People are tired of the sandbox games where everyone kicks around sand. People want real things, real conversations, real connections — regardless of some stupid arbitrary label.

And that’s where it comes back to. “Stupid arbitrary label.” The ones who care about the labels are still playing in the sandbox and they’re gearing up for another round of fighting with “the other side.” Meanwhile, they don’t realize that the sandbox is only one tiny part of an enormous playground, and I’m over on the swings with friends I made in the sandbox, laughing about how nice it is to no longer have sand in my eyes.

I wish folks the best for getting out of there.

[tiptoptoad]

Tw for mentions of s/h, depression, and stuff ; nothing graphic just kinda sad stuff BUT THIS IS ABOUT SMTH GOOD HAPPENING

Sorry guys for being rambley emotional on here but like I only have two irls I can comfortably tell and I need to get it out 😇

Text below the cut if I did it correctly

So I finally told my dad about my problems over text. I’ve kinda been trying to for a while but getting words out is so stupid hard!,!,!,!

even worse that we are both just hanging out how am I a upposed to bring it up while we are both having a good time yk

So I send him a long winded text after I got upstairs to my room and it’s written in my voice that’s like “I don’t feel good I think about hurting myself all the time and I haven’t been able to bring it up bc it makes me feel sad and guilty sorry I love you”

And dawg sending that was so stupid difficult I sat on it for like 15 minutes before pressing the button

So we talked a bit and man I don’t even know

Anyways it went so well I’ve never asked for help and it’s just not the kind of person I am but I’m just really happy I did it. Like I asked for help from one of my older friend the other day and now I did this after like…a year.

Life is beautiful ; thank god my parents are good; Im proud of myself; uhhhhhhh yeahh

Might be going on anti depressants..?

[ariestrxsh]

I’ve been feeling so depressed lately it’s actually affecting me so hard. It’s made me feel a lot more sensitive to people but I still feel numb in a way. Idk how to explain it. It’s like I feel so much but so little at the same time. And I talked to my mom about it want she said she’d try her best to help me but she’s doing absolutely nothing to help me. She’s not even checking up on me. Hell she’s been treating me worse. It hurts so bad because I know the only reason she apologizes to me after fights is because of pity. Because she dosent want me to hurt myself. Even though It’s to a point where hurting myself has no purpose cause it won’t make me feel better inly more guilty because I know everyone will think I’m just doing it for attention. I don’t even know what making me feel this way. I have nothing going on in my life to make me feel like this. I don’t know why i have to go through this. My family dosent even care. No one besides my sister (mainly bc she’s the only one in my family I still keep in contact with after I moved out besides my mom bc she would kill me if I stopped taking to her even tho I hate her) I don’t to be alive anymore but I’m scared to die. Because I have so many dreams I want to live out. I’ve made it to college yes but I haven’t been able to do my dream job. I want to be a pediatrician mainly because I want to help kids who need it. I want to help kids because I’ve never got any help and because they are so innocent and kind. I want to see the kids and their parents happy when they get better. I want to see the kids get better. I haven’t been married. And I haven’t had kids. Having kids is my only goal in life. I want to treat my baby properly. I want them to grow up knowing I’m here and trust me. But i don’t want to be here. I don’t know how much longer I can take. I want to die so so bad but death scares me. And I feel like such a bother when I tell my friends about how I feel and I feel like they’re only pretending to like me. For example today o hung out with my bsf of 12 years. We’ve been friends since we were 7. And the day before we hung out I told her I was feeling depressed and she agreed to hang out with me but the whole time she looked bored and like she wanted to go home. It feels as if everytime I think it’s getting better- I finally have energy to clean, take care of myself, and treat myself and others kindly- it all gets worse. I don’t know what to do because o hate therapy. Talking to someone like that scares me because I had to do it when I was a kid bc my dad was in jail and my mom wanted to get us qualified to see him but it made me so uncomfortable. It feels like the only reason I’m here is because I’m scared to end it. I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m pretty sure I’ve talked to you abt this before in private messages but not this deep. I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable :(

This doesn't make me uncomfortable at all. 💖 It makes me feel a little sad, but that's okay. I can handle that. Nothing you could say could really trigger me or put me in a bad headspace, so please don't worry about that.

I've been in a similar position before. I've had suicidal thoughts in the past, and I have a history with self-harm, so I can understand where you're coming from and feeling like the only reason you're alive is because you're too scared to die. 🥺 I know there's nothing I can say or do to fix it, but I'm always here for you. Always here to talk.

I went to therapy when I was a kid, and it was helpful for the time being, but I don't think it's necessary for mental health. Sometimes, all you need is connection to other people, and it sounds like you're feeling rather disconnected right now. ��

I'm sorry you're struggling through this right now, Lynx. I don't know how long you've been wrestling with your mental health, and I know it's so corny when people say this, but it does get better. It'll get worse again from time to time, but it also always gets better.

Life is full of fluctuations, ebbs and flows. Sometimes things are really good, and other times they're bad, and it will be like that as long as you're alive, and I'm not saying that to bum you out, but to be realistic about it. That's the nature of this reality, the yin and the yang, the good and the bad. It all compliments each other so that you can appreciate things when they're good. You wouldn't appreciate them if they were good all the time.

Also, I know this takes time and practice, and it is not going to cure your depression, but you know how when things are really good, you think to yourself, "something's about to go wrong because things are too good." Well, what if you train yourself to have the same outlook when you're feeling sad? "Man, things have been bad for a while now. I just know they're about to start looking up soon."

I hope you don't think I'm being insensitive, but this is how life goes. You're never going to feel 100% happy all of the time. Some things are really going to hurt and suck and rip your heart out, and if you don't like the way things are going now, just wait. They'll change again. Things are always changing.

I know, this could come off some type of way, and I promise I don't mean for it to sound like I'm telling you to just get over it, because I know it isn't that simple, but try to find gratitude for what you do have. If you have your health, if you have enough money to pay your bills, and if you have a roof over your head and clothes to wear, those are things to be grateful for, and gratitude isn't going to magically cure your depression or make it go away, but it does help to temporarily combat it sometimes.

I love you, Lynx. 💖 Please don't make any rash decisions you can't take back.

[semperreformanda]

life update

last june my boss let me go for “not being a good fit”

it didn’t take me long to put two and two together and realize that the big reason was because of my pregnancy. and the biggest support to this theory was he talked negatively about a coworker (who was in the company for 6+ years) who got pregnant, saying stuff like “I don’t want her back … I already know how it goes when employees get pregnant, they’ll start calling out … I don’t want to deal with that” he would say all that stuff to me and others behind her back so I knew I was only gonna stick around to save some $$$ and use the insurance as much as I could

(oh and she was forced to resign bc they literally did not want her there anymore 🙃)

but when it finally happened it drove me in anxiety and anger because I had relied on the insurance especially bc I AM PREGNANT

yes it is illegal yes I should have reported it but I had no energy to do anything

but God reminded me through it all that He provides and He does! and so silly of me to think He could provide for my greatest need (my salvation through Christ) but not provide for our little earthly needs

another reason I was annoyed was I was already planning to quit but they beat me to it 😂 but that was honestly the worst company I’ve ever worked for. I could not deal with the constant disrespect and the yelling and the cussing and their questionable ethics

they stole an engineer’s professional seal and stamp it on their projects WITHOUT HIS APPROVAL meaning all projects are “approved” 🥴 this was the last straw for me bc imagine all the hazards

anyways… that was almost 3 months ago and I honestly feel so relieved to not be working there anymore. I spent too many times feeling so incredibly stressed out and then even more stressed out that I may be hurting the baby from it

speaking of… I am already 27 weeks pregnant today 😭 I remember when I first saw that faint line and thought I was hallucinating things. we tried for months only with a stark white test every month, so seeing a shadow of a line sent chills down my spine. and 27 weeks later my little bubba has gotten so big and active 😭 I love him so much

like it’s so crazy how he’s so close to me but also so far it’s like a long distance relationship 🥴💀

also learned a lot about gestational diabetes bc my hypochondriac brain was convinced I HAD IT

apparently it’s not due to your diet and you can’t even cause it. shocking how this is not widespread knowledge, because so many moms feel guilty for failing their baby when they’re diagnosed but in reality it is mostly your placenta being a jerk 😭

so for the past few days when I got the call that I failed my 1 hour I acted like I had gestational diabetes 😭 became very picky with what I ate, which is hard bc my culture loves rice 😭 and I took 10 min walks after meals

all I could think about was my blood sugars spiking and how I needed to bring it down 💀

also I had to fast for at least 8 hours before I could do my 3 hour glucose test which was honestly so hard bc if you’ve been pregnant you know the pregnancy hunger pangs!!! I cried after my test because I was anxious about having GD and also I felt so bad for my baby 😭😭 like I starved him 😂 even though I know he’s fine in there because placenta n all dat

anyways I just wanted to let you guys in on that bc why not and also I’m bored and drinking chai while my husband works besides me 🙂🤠

[stinkybreath]

thoughts about Succession characters as parahumans

(finally, a post I am qualified to make and not just have the impotent idea for)

Ignoring the fact that they’d all be Cauldron capes wait actually NOT ignoring that bc there are such delicious ways this could shake out wrt Logan and the siblings and I’ll probably ponder about that

First. Logan would be a natural trigger striker. Something touch-based and difficult to control; think of the marks on his back for trigger event (pretend that it doesn’t matter that this would have been prior to the arrival of Scion lol). And the guilt over Rose complicating his feelings about a striker power… his touch becoming undeniably deadly, which in turn reinforces how scared the siblings are of him and ALSO makes them crave his affection even more because he would have been even more sparing with it… and he’s so volatile that a power that requires rigorous self-control would be just chefs kiss perfect irony for him.

I don’t think Ewan triggers. I think Caroline spitefully gives millions to some anti-parahuman causes post divorce.

As soon as he gets rich and influential enough to know you can buy powers, his mind is on his empire, his descendants. He makes an offhand, absentminded promise to Connor to buy him a vial when he’s “old enough” that he immediately forgets and Con never forgets.

It would be funny to say Con gets a stranger power, but I don’t think he triggers despite everything he goes through. I do think Shiv gets a stranger power, though. From a vial, yes, but the misogynist dismissal from everyone around her no doubt influences her frame of mind when she takes it. I think she buys the vial “with her own money” to preempt whatever way Logan might make his offer hard to swallow. Undecided on the power specifics (chime in if you like. On any of this!)

Kendall is what got me to make this post in the first place. I was rotating him and his water motif in my mind and it struck me that ah, we could make this cruel in a parahumans way. Again, power from a vial. Gifted to him by Logan on his 18th birthday, the heir comes of age, so every time Ken gets any significant benefit using his power, he knows it wouldn’t have happened without his father. My first few ideas were too jokey or literal so what I’ve decided on is that he’s a shaker, the ability to project an aura that intensifies the feelings of anyone near him and also a very lightly toxic miasma. You’ll notice these are kind of weak and shitty and that’s because that’s exactly how it should go down for my number one boy. He feels guilty for being so ungrateful or useless with his shitty powers but he knows that there are thousands of parahumans out there with better ones. The aura can really help him in the boardroom but it can also screw him over and he is not good at predicting which way it leans. He can turn the aura on and off but the miasma is involuntary and so makes him a bad candidate when it comes to promotion time whenever Logan dangles that carrot in front of him.

Roman is the only sibling who triggers naturally. It happens when he’s a preteen and he gets in a bad fight at school, something bad enough it should’ve killed him. He gets a changer power, which resonates with how uncomfortable he is in his own skin. First idea that came to me is that in reaction to blows, his body creates new temporary orifices to absorb/avoid the damage. The way this interacts w his discomfort around sex and simultaneous neediness, not to mention his sexual identity, would be fascinating.

[dayurno]

DAYURNO HELP. i cannot for the life of me figure out the keremy dynamic out of kerejean. my brain won’t allow it to compute. it’s like making 2 barbies kiss bc you don’t have a ken but instead of turning into a beautiful lesbian awakening it’s just…..banging plastic til you get bored and bring out the guillotine.

i’ve always got the kevjean and jerejean parts down. but my prompter for daylight fest wants kerejean and i’ll be DAMNED if i cannot give it to them!!! i want to provide!!!

i need your tips, O beholder of kerejean wisdom.

(p.s. i asked anonymously bc i still want to keep my prompt as secret as possible until it’s posted)

ANON............................ i understand you deeply i think writing ANYTHING with jeremy at any point is so hard because where he stands in canon right now he's literally nothing girl he's lines... he's words... he's nothing at all.... i am no beholder of kerejean wisdom i am as much of a newbie as you are and probably even worse but i'll give it the old college try for you

for me the most interesting part of writing k/jr is exactly that newness; the fact that they have been loving rivals for a long time but not properly friends; having an idealized version of the other but not actually knowing any of the minutiae of the other's personality. i said earlier that i think the keremy song of all time is 'guilty pleasure' by chappell roan and i stand by it! i think k/jr is, at first, less about Feelings and more about the physical attraction, if that makes sense? with most kevin ships we part from the emotional side because almost everyone he's shipped with has a strong emotional connection to him, but for k/jr i've always felt that the physicality comes first and then the rest. we joke about kevin's exy crush on jeremy but i think that's one of the easiest ways to actually conceptualize feeling attracted to jeremy, and i think kevin definitely would see it that way because he has no other framework to understand it

that being said i think the most fun characterization for jeremy (to me!) is him taking a hammer to kevin's preconceptions and being like hm. well. you could try it if you want to! i called them a budding lesbian friendship slowly escalating into something more AND I STAND BY IT...... i think jeremy is an unstoppable force and kevin is not an unmoveable object... the way k/jr works for me is similar to how k/t works for me, which is that jeremy pokes and prods at kevin's worldview both by existing near him but also by actively pushing kevin and trying to find where his limits are. this is of course entirely sexual but also not! kevin says 'the world is like this' and jeremy says 'it doesn't have to be', kevin says 'the world is a bad place' and jeremy says 'then change it!' and so on and so forth. i like them :)

i have some conversations noted down for their relationship in my first time / first light fic so here's a few i think encapsulate a little bit of what i mean?

and here's a funny one to help you cope with that last one:

i hope it helped!!!!! somewhat! but honestly we are getting some kevin/jeremy interactions in the daybreak stadium so i think you can just sit around and wait for some canon dynamics!

[rafesgoldrings]

p.s. this is all over the place, i’m so sorry and i’m so sorry for constantly saying “like” I can’t help it

hey i’m just venting bc I have no real friend lmaoooo but today at work, (i work at an assisted living place), my mangers and head people had an meeting with our residents and my manager told me that they said the residents love me and they are going to miss me when I go back to college and just positive things stuff like that.

I was in shock tbh and felt so idk happy, proud idk bc i’ve only been working there since like june 10th so i’m just happy, i’m making them happy ig.

then we have an head manager guy (idk his actual title) but he’s always given me compliments on my work ethic and stuff. he’s super nice and kind as well.

but anyways I just wanted to get that out bc this is like the first time I feel like i’ve done something good in my life. I started tearing up actually bc the residents were genuinely meaning they appreciate me, love me, and love seeing me come in.

like some residents will say “theirs our favorite girl”, “pretty girl”, “we missed you yesterday”, “I appreciate your service”, “thank you for all that you do” and idk if i’ll keep this job forever, I mean I know I won’t bc I need to move on to bigger and better things but stuff like this makes me so idk guilty that i’ll have to leave them soon even tho half won’t even remember me

the whole building is just super nice and I can’t handle all the compliments, I feel almost bad for receiving them especially since i’m pretty new.

like the amount of praise I got today was just so overwhelming and basically it made me feel proud myself but also guilty for some reason

i’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense I just needed to tell someone

thanks for reading or not reading, which is completely fine I just needed to again get that out lmaoo💀

Don’t even worry about saying “like” too many times because I overuse it all the time😭

First off that’s great that in such a short time they already like you that much, that’s huge! It sounds like you do a great job and they really appreciate you for everything you do.

Secondly, I wouldn’t feel guilty about eventually leaving. They would want you to move on to bigger things and do good for yourself! Everyone leaves a job eventually, that’s just a part of life. Think about the positive impact you’d be leaving instead of the guilt of leaving, think about all the good you did and all the smiles you caused. Sometimes that’s enough for a person to get through a rough day, they’ll remember you and your bright personality and even for just a split second it’ll make them feel better.

Sometimes they need a new person to come in and give them a new perspective. I think someone who is obviously so kind and good at their job can make any job easier to get through and you’re that person despite how long you’ve been there. I don’t think half of them will just forget despite how hard that is to believe. I think with how much they like you already, you’ll forever leave them with a profound effect.

Thirdly, I totally get the guilt. It’s hard to think that someone who’s only been there for a short period of time deserves those kinds of compliments compared to someone that’s been working there for years. But it’s also okay to be like “you know what, I work hard and do a damn good job. I deserve to be told that and appreciated from my co workers” because you do! You deserve to have people tell you they’re proud of you, you deserve to be praised for working hard, you deserve to have those sweet words said to you when you walk in for work. Obviously I can’t stop you from feeling guilty because you know…thoughts….but I can say that they wouldn’t praise you that way and talk to other people about you in such a positive light if you didn’t deserve it babe! You’re going to do such good things in life and i’m proud of you for everything you’ve done to get to where you are🫶🏻🫶🏻

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Haiii hello :3 I’m back again with more stsg thoughts !! So,, I feel like we can all recognise that teen stsg are complete and utter losers BUT there are quite a few scenes in the anime that make it obvious that the both of them are capable of being serious to protect people when it’s necessary.. and it made me think of how they would react if you got seriously injured hmmm HMMMMM (this totally isn’t yummy to me because I wanna see feral protective stsg…. Totally…..) or maybe it’s a lil like when Toji told sugu that he killed satoru hhhh … like ur all on a mission together and u get separated somehow and satoru is like “where tf did y/n go 🙁🙁” and whoever they’re fighting comes outta nowhere like “oh I killed th-“ 💥💥💥💥💥💥 ‘n it turns out you’re just a little injured 😭😭 but I feel like they’d be sooo dramatic and worried about you :( and satoru “jokes” that now they won’t be able to leave u alone incase u get injured again…he’s just gonna have to keep an eye on u and protect u forever and ever (he means it) and sugu js goes full mother mode like he’s forcing u to stay in bed, makes you soup, reminds u to take pain meds and listens to every word of advice the doctor gives to help u recover from the injury 💔💔 hrherh I know this wasn’t as long as my usual asks but I thought it was cute and I’ve been thinking about the stupid losers all day… can’t wait to see the sashisu thing uve been working on too !! I love them sooo much I know shoko doesn’t get much love in this fandom :( loser boys (stsg) taking up too much of the spotlight smh…. Move outta the way…. It’s bae shokos turn…. (Joke I still love stsg💔) but she’s my cute tired loser wife with a coffee addiction and I hold her very dear to my heart she’s my princess with a disorder (the disorder is depression) hehe I hope u have a wonderful day/night/whatever time it is for uuu !! — stsg anon !! 💗🌸

had to go into pixlr to make this r u proud of me…. HEHEH STSG ANON MY SWEETIE my number one supplier of treats <33333 i loveloveloveeee feral protective stsg…. ure so real…… they’re both wolfboys at heart i think .

but ohhhh u always get them perfectly….. toru joking around to lighten to mood (but he’s actually not joking at all) while sugu goes mother hen mode……… :((( they’re both sooo so worried. there’s nothing they wouldn’t do to protect u!!!….. one scenario i keep thinking of is reader falling down a set of stairs or slipping on a patch of ice when it’s cold n slippery outside…. and spraining their ankle… so stsg has to take care of them and they’re both just. Wrecks. bc they feel sooo guilty and they hate seeing u in pain….. i imagine that it’d hit sugu extra hard so toru tries to be more serious and mature than usual to make up for it!! idk i just feel like sugu is especially prone to blaming himself over things like this :((( even if it wasn’t his fault at all…. and he tries to distract himself from the shame by tending to u like a baby chick. makes u food and carries u around the house…. sits u down on his lap and tries to distract u from the way his eyes gloss over w tears bc he can’t stop looking at the cast on ur foot and he just feels so incredibly guilty :((((((((….. sniffle. i wanna hug him.

i got carried away phfkdjkdkf BUT I LOVE YOUUU STSG ANON and i love this concept sm…….. they’re both papabears :((( i feel like satoru gets a lot more serious when you’re injured, while suguru gets more meek than usual…. it’s kind of a reversal of their usual roles but it’s great bc they balance each other out !! :3 like. in the scenario above i feel like satoru might get frustrated bc they told you to be careful not to slip on the ice or whatever but suguru is there to remind him that you’re in pain and that it was an accident :(( and when it’s a more minor injury i think suguru is the one to get slightly condescending bc why would you go out into the rain without a jacket?? /obviously/ you’d catch a cold, dummy. and satoru is there to defend your honour with his life LMAO…… they’re sooo so silly.

ALSOOOO STSG ANON ….. i’m so glad that ure excited for the sashisu fic 😭😭😭 that made me so happy!!! i agree sm, shoko is sooo underrated she’s my little meow meow i love her sm :((

she’s my cute tired loser wife with a coffee addiction and I hold her very dear to my heart she’s my princess with a disorder (the disorder is depression)

YOU’RE SO REALLLLL PDHFJJDJF MY BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WITH A DISORDER <3…. i knew i could trust u stsg anon, she’s SUCH a loser and we don’t talk abt it enough smh. she’s literally soooo similar to stsg like they’re all the same… soft sappy silly little losers…… oh how i love them so <33

[secretly-of-course]

Hey pls don’t feel any obligation to respond to this but I think I might be aro and I’m lowkey freaking out about it major sexuality crisis style and I don’t know how to. Not.

Like I’ve seen it coming for a while and I’m still not 100% sure but it is kind of the only thing that makes sense. And it’s terrifying me a bit bc like. I do want things that have to do with romance sort of, but mechanically I Do Not feel romantic attraction to people (and when I think I do it goes away after like two days). And like I know aro people can be in relationships if they want to but like I would just feel so guilty the whole time if I did that bc I feel like I would just be lying to them even if I’m not.

How did you begin to feel comfortable in your identity and start making peace with it?

- Sincerely, a panicked queer

Hey bud, take a deep breath. No matter what you end up identifying as just know that you're gonna be okay!

I'm gonna put this under a read more because it's kind of long and a bit rambling (sorry it's 1am)

Speaking from my own experience, it took me a long time to feel comfortable identifying as aro. I had my ace crisis 3 years prior and it took me a long time to make peace with that as well, and I'm sad to admit that during that time period I fell for the trappings of the "even if I'm ace I could still fall in love" idea as if that was some sort of consolation prize. But that's just amatonormativity for ya.

Accepting oneself as aro can be really freaking hard, I know it because I've been there. Our society pushes the ideal of a single romantic partner as necessary for happiness so hard that you begin to doubt if you can ever be truly happy. When every show and movie you see growing up has the main guy and girl get together for the happy ever after, how are you supposed to react when you realize that's not really what you want? When you're a child and there are things you don't understand about adults, they tell you "You'll understand when you grow up and get married/have kids," --always when, never if-- as if that's some sort of guarantee because it is the expectation.

This song by Moses Sumney captures the vibes. The lyric "if lovelessness equals godlessness, will you cast me to the wayside?" always punches me in the gut.

For a long time, before I even started questioning if I was aromantic, I used to say and think things like "It's okay if I don't stay in love but I'd like to fall in love at least once to know what it's like." But that's the thing, a technical curiosity about romance isn't the same as actually desiring it. Feeling like you have to fall in love because that's what everyone does and what's expected of you isn't the same as actually wanting to fall in love. When I realized that I was not only aromantic but non-partnering as well, I grieved for a little bit. I grieved the person I thought I was supposed to be and the life I thought I was supposed to have. I think we should be telling queer people more often that it's okay to grieve the vision you once had for yourself, and going through that grief doesn't mean you love or accept yourself any less or make you any less valid.

It sounds rather silly but the thing that made me really embrace being aro was when I started headcanoning some of my favorite characters as aro. Projecting on those characters and thinking about their own journeys of self discovery and acceptance really truly helped me. Another thing I did moreso when I was trying to embrace being ace was repeat to myself over and over again "It's okay to acespec" which evolved into "it's okay to be ace" and then "it's okay if I'm ace." I don't remember how long I did that for but it also helped a bit.

But the thing is, once I did accept and embrace my aro identity? It was liberating. It was like I got to say "F you society and your bs expectations! I do whatever so want!" I honestly love being aro and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

And my sweet, sweet anon, I promise you you would not be lying if you were to enter a relationship. There are options you may or may not feel more comfortable with, such as being in a qpr or dating another aro person who understands, but even dating an allo person you would have nothing to feel guilty about. Relationships are built on more than just romantic attraction and you can still connect with people in different ways. Your relationships may end up being something completely unique, and that's okay! As long as there's honesty, which is vital for any relationship, you don't have to feel guilty for anything.

Most importantly, give yourself time. There's no rush to settle on a label or an identity right now, and you can always change your mind later if you think something else would fit better.

Giving you a hug and wishing you all the luck in the world anon 🖤 Whatever conclusion you come to is the right one and you are valid!

[andro-dino]

smiles at you. how about some hcs for kira and the other dna bladers. they are all so silly to me <3

waaa the gang <3 I love them. These are all gonna be like post-canon, “all of dna live in an apartment together” focused bc that’s my favorite way to think about them.

I’ve been rereading some of my own fics recently and stumbled upon a line I forgot I wrote about Spike and Genjuro sometimes having to force Arrow to drink water because he usually exclusively drinks sugary drinks and I think that’s silly. I think the idea of arrow randomly being like “man I have a killer headache rn idk why :/“ and them going “well how much water have you been drinking?” And arrow being like “how much what have I huh now?” and them being wildly concerned is very funny.

Adding onto that, I think out of DNA, Spike and Genjuro are the best at taking care of themselves when they need to because the others have like zero sense of self preservation. I think that Karura surprisingly can also pretend to be a sensible human being sometimes as well. I love the idea of Karura having his own little mini spice and veggie garden and helping Spike and Genjuro cook sometimes <3

Dunno how much this is a hc so much as it just kinda implied but Arrow is super inspired by Kira and looks up to him a lot, not only just when it comes to beyblade but like, life as a whole. ESPECIALLY when it comes to fashion. He’s experimented a bit with eyeliner before (mostly just to fill out the gaps in his mask) but eventually wants to try getting into makeup more as a whole and he immediately asks Kira for advice with that. I like to think that the two end up really bonding over it and end up going shopping together a lot and Kira helps Arrow pick out outfits and stuff <3

Ok I cannot hold myself back rn I need to be a little bit angsty bc I think about this with post-canon dna way too much (a lot of these ideas have been sparked by our past conversations lol). I think despite the fact that they are trying to be better people and while I do think the general opinion of them comes around eventually, for a long while immediately after the events of shogun steel they are kinda still public enemies #1 and that makes life ROUGH for all of them for a while. They all have very different views and ways of dealing with that as well.

Kira, still upholding his role as leader, feels a certain level of responsibility and, by proxy, guilt about this. He feels a strong sense of duty towards dna to help guide and protect them from then on out, especially realizing that he hadn’t treated them particularly well in the past. He can’t help but partially blame himself for putting them in the position they are now and in his path for redemption, seeks not only to make it up to the main gang and public at large but dna as well. He feels really guilty when he sees them mistreated by others and feels a level of protectiveness over them. He really takes the idea that he needs to take care of them seriously and occasionally that means taking the fall for them or defending them from people who are being particularly assholeish.

Genjuro kinda wants to keep everyone under the radar while all this is happening and although they know he means well, none of the others are particularly fond of this and kind of end up butting heads with him a lot as a result. The main two especially with this are Baihu and Karura.

Karura tries not to argue with Genjuro much, but at Genjuro’s insistence that they should be trying to keep a low profile and thus not dress as flashy as they usually would, Karura is a little peeved. This strikes a particular nerve with him specifically for two reasons. 1. Karura’s a unique looking dude as a whole, and he finds it’s kinda hard to “keep a low profile” when you’ve got a blue mohawk and burn scars all over your face and body. and 2. His appearance is something he takes pride in. He’s not insecure by any means, and his style being as flashy as it is is an act of embracing his uniqueness in a way that suits him, so to have to change that is something that leaves him particularly disgruntled.

Baihu, by contrast, more directly takes opposition to Genjuro and the two get into a lot of fights because of it. Baihu is used to using trickery, mischief, and brute force to gain traction in life and he takes no qualms in doing that not only to defend his name, but to just survive at times. He and Spike are the ones who are the most easily irritated by the way people look down on them and will frequently start fights with strangers over it, despite being told it’s not worth it. Baihu does not like to be held back and does not like letting people just walk all over them, but he’ll bite his tongue from time to time for the sake of the others. What he won’t do, however, is sit back and let his pack struggle under his watch. I think that along with struggling to be in public, it’s also really tough for them to find ways to support themselves and they tend to get turned away by a lot of businesses and tournaments, so it is hard for them to get by for a while. I think eventually, the wbba is informed of this and provides them support in this regard, but before then, all Baihu knows is that they need to eat. Genjuro does not like it when Baihu steals, but Baihu doesn’t care, because if no one else is gonna provide for them, he will, and it doesn’t matter to him by what means that comes by. (I have thought abt drawing a comic with this idea for AGES. Will I ever get around to it? only time will tell)

I also think they have an interesting time trying to get along with the main gang after everything that’s happened. Zyro is obviously the most forgiving, and since he and Kira very quickly become very close after they’ve bonded, he is more than ready to welcome the rest of DNA with open arms, and is very excited to let his friends properly get to know them. The others do not necessarily share the same kind of enthusiasm.

Maru, bless her soul, I think trusts Zyro’s judgment the most and is willing to give them another shot. She doesn’t necessarily look past all the things they’ve done, but she’s seen other people come around, especially due to Zyro’s influence, and so she trusts that they’ll be able to do the same. She ends up getting along well with Kira, Genjuro, and Arrow (cough cough for no reason in particular ahem ahem)

Shinobu is a little more apprehensive, as I think he’s one to hold grudges, but similarly to Maru, he trusts Zyro and is willing to move forward if he is. He’s definitely the most hesitant around Kira and Baihu (partially also Genjuro bc of the glass box battle but I think they’re more easily able to move on from that). Kira particularly is difficult for him to get along with just bc of everything that happened with him at multiple different points, but I think they end up having some very heartfelt conversations at some points about it and Kira communicates that he understands why Shinobu would still hold a grudge, but he really is trying to change and he hopes that him and the others will be able to prove that to him over time. And it does take time, but Shinobu understands that perspective and is willing to give them a shot.

Ren is hesitant at first, though for those she doesn’t have personal beef with, she’s able to forgive relatively quickly. The others though. oo boy. Her beef with Genjuro was settled with their rematch at the qualifier match attacks when she got the upper hand on him, so despite some slight animosity at first, they’re able to go to friendly rival status fairly quickly afterwards. Arrow and Spike however, she has NOT forgiven for what they did during the dna hq invasion and is not their biggest fan right off the bat. In the end, they decide to settle it like bladers do, and after a fair and even match with them (I think it’d be a duo battle with eight since he also has beef with them for the same reason (I’ll get to that too)) they’re able to understand each other a little more and settle their issues. It’s not immediate forgiveness, but it’s a start.

Kite and Eight are the biggest grudge holders of all time. It is very hard for them to move on. Kite has massive beef with Yoshio, not only because their rivalry was never properly settled, but bc he not only picked a fight with kite, but hurt eight and well and kite does NOT play when it comes to eight. He’s also not particularly fond of Baihu either but I think eventually he’s able to understand the more caring side of him and come to terms with him a little more. There’s the obvious route of his rivalry with Karura continuing as well but they don’t have any real animosity towards each other and it’s mostly just very silly and lighthearted. On eight’s end, he equally is not fond of Yoshio and also has a continued hatred towards Spike and Arrow, and anyone who eight hates Kite hates too. His and Ren’s battle with them helps it a bit, but Eight’s a stubborn little kid and doesn’t let that show for a long while still. He needs to get in what he thinks is their deserved amount of teasing and bullying before he can actually start to warm up to them. I think in the end, what ends up bringing them both around, is Kite connecting with Kira. I actually really love these two as a duo (it’s a shame that a lot of the stuff I’ve seen of them together online is from weirdos) and I think they really could have a genuine heart to heart, with Kira opening up about the responsibility he feels towards dna and kite connecting to that as an older brother. Again, kite cares about his brother more than anything, and protecting him and taking care of him is his biggest priority, so understanding that Kira feels a very similar duty towards the other members of dna, it humanizes them more in kite’s mind and he’s able to empathize with them more, and so he’s more willing to give them a chance afterwards. And since eight would follow kite to the ends of the earth, when kite starts to warm up to them a little more, eight starts to give them a chance as well.

OH MAN YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT TJATS REALLY GETTING ME GOING RIGHT NOW. Kira talking to Tsubasa and the other adults.

There’s a certain kind of shame that makes his head hang and a certain degree of fear that he can’t quite place that makes him hesitate as he walks inside the wbba building with Zyro. His gut twists when they go up the elevator and his heart drops when Zyro tells him that that’s as far as he’ll take him, and that Kira needs to talk to them on his own. He’s so used to having a degree of control over everything around him like he did with the garcias and like how he thought he did with doji, so going into an environment where he’s just a powerless teenager, it scares him. He would try to be intimidating but he knows that won’t work on them. His magic has no power in this realm.

The treatment he got from the garcias and doji when he was no longer their perfect little puppet leads him to prepare for the worst, especially considering these are people who have every reason to hate him and persecute him for everything he’s done to them, so he’s dumbfounded when they welcome him with open arms and warm smiles. It feels like a trap— there’s no way it’s not a trap, right? Trying to careen him into a false sense of security? But the longer they talk, the more opportunities to drop the ball they don’t take, and Kira realizes that they’re being genuine. It stabs him in the gut in a way he doesn’t understand. They take no hesitance in assuring that him and dna aren’t getting off 100% scott free, but their punishment is so… not grueling? It doesn’t even sound like a punishment when they say that they’ll have to do community service and take mentorship under Benkei, but that’s what they’ve settled on. And when they emphasize that they know that Kira and the others aren’t bad kids, and were just misguided and still deserving of a second chance, Kira doesn’t even realize that he’s crying until he feels the tears drip from his chin or that the stabbing feeling in his gut has intensified until he’s keeling over for a reason he doesn’t understand. He equally doesn’t understand why there’s a warm hand patting him on the shoulder and another two helping him to his feet. It’s a strange kind of feeling that he hasn’t felt before and he’s not quite sure what it means.