#i think this is actually the first time I've gotten it though so yay for me??

[montanamp3]

tatimaxxing (something big just happened to me but i can't talk about it on this blog because ive posted face)

[dean-o-bean-o]

i got covid :(

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : Idol!Song Mingi x F!Reader TW : reader is an internatiol ATINY ; nationality unspecified ; pure angst ; long distance relationship ; arguing ; disastrous break up ; heartbreak ; it's just sad ; he's a little bit, slightly yandere ; Word Count : 8.0k A/N : Mingi angst!! Yay! Haven't written for ATEEZ in a good bit! This one is fun! I have full control and I love it! Time for some heartbreak!! This turned a little yandere... But I hope you still like it! Also, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm trying to write as much as I can! Request : Anonny : hi! I was wondering if you could do a mingi angst! I've been reading your angst fics and well just your gifs for like the past year and never had the courage to ask until now! I don't really have specifics and you could just do whatever you want with plot wise or something! I haven't thought about plot and stuff yet, just mingi angst 😭

The last fancall, it was kind of sad, but in a way, also relieving. They got to just relax after this call, they didn’t have to try to understand what an international fan was saying, not that it was a problem, but it was hard, although they’d never expect anyone to learn Korean just for them. They all loved talking to ATINY though, even if it were just a few, they got to personally get to know them for a minute or two, they got to joke with them, laugh with them, even playfully flirt with them. It was just nice to have some kind of interaction with the fans that brought them to where they were today. 

It was your first fancall, you weren’t even sure how you had gotten so lucky to be chosen, but you had been, and when you got the email you screamed so loud that your neighbor started banging on the walls. Something as small as a video call, but it was huge to you, it felt like a dream. Surely, anyone who wasn’t a fan of k-pop wouldn’t understand, they’d probably think you were crazy for getting so excited over something like this… But this just might be the closest you’d ever get to any of them, and it would most definitely be the only time you ever got to talk to them. 

You had done your hair and your makeup and you had changed your outfit about six times before settling on something more casual. It’s not like any of them would remember you anyway, and you weren’t even upset about that, you were just glad to be able to have this opportunity… an opportunity that had you so insanely flustered that you could barely even speak when Hongjoong showed up on your screen. 

How embarrassing it was to sit in front of your favorite idols, not all of them at once, but one by one, they all got to look at you and see you looking so absolutely enamored that they were in fact actual people. The most you could get out was a ‘hello’, and even that was kind of squeaky and they would laugh, which in turn would make you more shy. They were all so nice though, asking you what your favorite song was and who your bias is, even though you couldn’t seem to find your voice. You wondered if things like this happened often. 

Then you got to Mingi, who was last second to last in the lineup. He wasn’t exactly your bias, you didn’t really have one, they were all amazing and attractive in their own personal ways. But damn did he look good. If you were awestruck before, you were completely starstruck now, your eyes widening as you took in his perfect features and just… everything about him. 

“Oh my god…” You said, under your breath you had assumed, but he had to have heard you considering he turned around and looked behind him before looking back at the camera to smile and wave at you. “Hi…” His turn was slightly different, it made you feel different. The other guys had simply looked at you, but it felt like Mingi was really looking at you. What did he see? Did you have something in your teeth? Was your hair messed up? You felt shy, like you were standing right in front of your crush. It was crazy. 

“You ever been to Korea?” He asked, and it was so blunt, but he had this cheeky smile on his face that both eased your nerves and somehow had them going haywire at the same time. You giggled nervously and shook your head no. “You should come, it’s nice here. A lot of pretty girls, you’ll fit right in.” He… He just called you pretty? Was this fan service? It had to be! He was just really really good at it. “Do you have a boyfriend?” None of the other guys had asked you these types of questions, why were things getting so personal? Why didn’t you seem to mind it when it was coming from him? You shook your head no once again. “Good. I’m your boyfriend now. Okay?” 

It probably wasn’t a good time to take a sip of water, not that you had expected him to say something like that, but you spit it out all over your desk, completely in shock at the words that you had just heard him say. There was no way he was being serious right now. His fan service was immaculate. “Oh…Okay!” You stammered out, and you wondered how long this would go on. He had surely passed up the timer. 

“My turn now!!” You heard Wooyoung shout from beside him, and Mingi groaned loudly as his bottom lip jutted out. “I’m gonna steal your girlfriend, deal with it.” He teased, and you let out a small sigh. It was just fan service. You felt kind of foolish for momentarily getting worked up over something that he probably said to 20 other people today. 

“I’ll see you again, yeah?” He asked, his words coming out rushed, and what the hell were you supposed to do? Say no?! You obviously wanted to see him again, that would be awesome, but the chances of you winning a fan call raffle twice were so low, you would be crazy to think that you’d ever have a moment like this again. 

“Yeah… Yeah, you will.” You said, because even though you knew he was just very skilled in acting, you might as well play along with it. For a few short seconds, you had been Song Mingis girlfriend… And now that you had moved to a call with Wooyoung… All you could think about Mingi and his words and the way he looked at you. It drove you crazy… He drove you crazy. He had just become your ultimate bias though!

///

“I’m not gonna be able to go to the Ateez concert.” Your friend mumbled, and part of you, the more selfish part of you, was partially glad that she wasn’t able to go. She had flaunted the fact that she got front row tickets and you hadn’t been able to get even a back seat, they were sold out before payday. “Stupid fucking job, not giving me a day off. I requested it too!” 

“That’s bullshit.” You shook your head, trying your best to sympathize with her, but all you could selfishly think was that if you weren’t lucky enough to go, she shouldn’t be lucky enough to go either. “Are you going to sell the ticket? You could get some good profit considering it’s a front row seat.” You quizzed, but the way she was looking at you made you quite uneasy. It looked like she was planning something… or at least thinking of something, and you didn’t know if it was malicious or something else completely. She was hard to read. 

Long, manicured nails tapped against the table top, the sound putting you even more on edge, and then she sighed. “I know that your birthday is coming up, and… well I’m poor because I bought this damn ticket so…” Her shoulders shrugged, but there was a slight, tight lipped smile spreading across her face. “I’m just gonna give it to you. Happy early birthday! Yay! Tell Yuno I love him so much.” 

Your jaw might as well have been on the floor. Was fate really giving you a good hand this year? Was this all that good karma you had earned from being a wonderful citizen in society? “Holy shit… No way! Are you being serious right now?” You just had to be sure. There was no way someone would just give up a front row ticket, especially not for free, even if it were your best friend. There had to be some kind of clause. 

“Yes, I’m serious. Now, accept it before I change my mind and just skip work that day. I would have done that anyway if I didn’t have to pay rent.” She rolled her eyes and sunk down in her seat. “Take as many pictures and videos as you can… for me. Please! That’s all I’m asking for.” You nodded your head firmly, shit, that was the easiest thing you’d have to do. “He’ll probably look so good… Maybe…” 

“No take backs!” You blurted out, your finger waving back and forth as you stared at her, and you hoped that she thought you were just goofing around and that your expression didn’t let on just how panicked you felt just by her words. “I will facetime you just so you feel like you’re actually there… Okay?” She was sulking, as anyone would be, you knew damn well that you would be if you were in the same position as her. 

“Just have fun… And make a big sign, you have to get at least one of them to notice you, especially since you’re front row. Take advantage of those seats, bitch.” She teased, reaching her hands across the table to grab yours as she let out a little squeal, kicking her feet and acting as if she were still the one going. Maybe she was just trying to hype you up. “I gave you the best birthday gift, nobody can top me, they shouldn’t even try.” 

“They should definitely still try though… I mean… I like getting things.” She snorted loudly, and you couldn’t help but laugh along with her. She was absolutely crazy and you absolutely adored her. A world without her as your best friend would be dull and boring and you didn’t even want to think about how sad it would be. You would have the best time of your life at that concert, and you’d do it for her. 

///

Picking out an outfit for something like a concert was much harder than picking out an outfit for a video call. This was important, especially since you were going to be in the front row. One of them - hopefully Mingi - would look directly at you at some point. You couldn’t just be casual about it, you had to draw attention to yourself, you had to make sure that you were noticed. This decision felt more crucial than anything else in your life, and that seems quite absurd, but these guys had been the subjects of all your dreams and daydreams, you at least wanted to look good in front of them. 

You had only been to one other concert in your entire life, and it was back during middle school for an indie group when you were going through your “emo” phase. This was bigger than that, you could already tell as you pulled up to the arena and saw the people pouring into the entrance. Your heart was hammering in your chest, it was crazy, you had even gotten there 2 hours early to try to make things easier on yourself but the crowd was already massive. 

The lightstick in your hand was already shaking, but only because of your nerves, but you knew that you couldn’t just sit in the back of the Uber forever, so you climbed out, taking a deep breath before heading into the building. It was somehow more packed inside than it was even outside and it was so insanely congested that it felt more like a train station than an arena for a concert. Did all concert venues look like this or was it just because ATEEZ was performing? 

Since you were front row, you got to go in and watch them warm up… funnily enough, you felt you might miss it considering you didn’t have a single idea where the hell you were going. You were trying your best to navigate through this cluster of people that were just as excited as you were, and you wished that you had someone to help walk you through this whole thing. It was so loud and you were being bumped into, and while they apologized for it, it didn’t make you any less anxious. 

By the time you finally made it in the arena, you were just exhausted. The big sign that you had made and brought along with you had miraculously made it through all of it unscathed, but you were drained. You dropped down into your seat, hoping that your hair and your outfit had survived as well as the sign, but there was no mirror and you didn’t want to risk getting lost on your way to or from the bathroom, so you just had to rely on that hope that you still looked as good as you did when you left the house. 

It felt like you hadn’t even had enough time to really catch your breath or cool off before the guys were walking out on stage. Everyone around you was screaming, but you were so enamored by the sight of them, literally right in front of you, that your mouth was hanging open but no sound was coming out. You had really thought that the video call was the most amazing thing, but now, you were sure that you were wrong. They were legitimately real, they were right in front of you. “Holy shit…” You mumbled to yourself, and for some reason, even though there were still a pretty good amount of people around you, you were self conscious, you were shy, you were nervous. 

They came to the edge of the stage, one by one, and they all walked by and finished hand hearts that other people were making and stayed still long enough to be in selfies with certain people, none of them really stopped for longer than a minute tops… No one, other than Mingi. 

Oh, Mingi… Who had managed to make your heart flutter through a simple video call, he made you feel like you were going crazy… Surely he wouldn’t remember you though. But why… Why did he full stop on your side of the stage? Why did he kneel down in front of you, his eyes locking with yours as his head tilted to the side? Gosh, he was adorable. There was no way that he would notice you after the couple months that had passed. The video call hadn’t lasted long enough for your face to be saved in his memory. Had it? 

The chants of the people beside you seemed to pull him out of whatever trance he was in, and he quickly stood up and scurried along the stage, but it didn’t go unnoticed that he continued to look back at you, his eyes narrowing as if in deep thought. Did he remember you? 

Soon enough they were off the stage and the rest of the stadium began to fill. The noise was much worse inside the arena, the sound just echoing off the walls and filling your ears, and you wondered how people could handle it constantly. You were sure that you’d have a major headache once you got out of there. The sudden influx of people and the growing excitement of the show that was about to begin had taken your mind off of the slightly strange interaction from before. You shouldn’t think so hard about those things, it was foolish and you didn’t want to be delusional. 

As the show started, the screams that you had originally thought to be loud seemed to multiply tenfold and your ears were already ringing. Of course, you had a seat right next to the speaker. Would your eardrums even make it through the night? Were there enough ibuprofen in the world to soothe the awful ache in your head once you got back home? 

It didn’t matter now, you just wanted to enjoy the show. You were here to enjoy the concert, to live the experience… But also, not forget to get enough video footage of Yunho to thank your friend for the ticket. This was something that you wouldn’t be able to do again, at least for a long time. Screw the headache, you should enjoy it while it lasts, and that’s exactly what you were going to do. 

///

“I swear, I think that’s her in the front row.” Mingi said backstage after the warmups. The guys all stared at him like he was crazy, but he knew that he wasn’t. He knew your face, he knew your eyes, they had filled his dreams every night… They thought he was crazy for that too. “I’m so serious right now. I wouldn’t say it’s her if it wasn’t.” 

Wooyoung snorted, but patted Mingi on the back as he walked by. “Maybe you’re the delusional one. Spotting your dream girl out in the crowd. That’s crazy. Come on, we have to get ready. Get your head out of your ass.” Mingi pouted as he walked over to the stylist and dropped down into his seat beside Hongjoong. 

“I’m being so serious right now. You believe me, right? I mean… You saw her in the call. You know what she looks like. That was her out in the crowd… Right?” Mingi asked, trying to keep his voice down so that Wooyoung wouldn’t come over and completely crush his dreams and rain on his parade. Hongjoong chewed on his bottom lip, looking at Mingi through the mirrors that were in front of them. “You… You believe me… Don’t you?” 

Hongjoong sighed, turning to Mingi with a slight pout. “I didn’t… But if you really believe you saw her, I’m happy for you. I’m not going to tell you that you’re crazy.” He pushed himself up off of his chair and stretched, preparing himself for the show that he was about to put on for all the fans. “It’s almost time to go out there…” 

“Yeah! Maybe you’ll see your girlfriend!” Wooyoung chimed in, seemingly coming from out of nowhere. “It’s okay to be delusional, bud. I’m not judging you for it.” Although it seemed like he was judging him a lot for it, Mingi tried to avoid the teasing and focus more on the fact that he was about to head out on stage in less than five minutes. 

He was so nervous though, not for the reasons that most would think though. Being up on stage in front of thousands of people wasn’t the issue, it was being up on stage in front of you. What were the chances of you winning a fancall and being at a show too? It’s like the universe was trying to bring the both of you together. He truly believed that. He couldn’t think of any other reason for those two things to happen. Especially with you being right in front… Front row seats, like he was meant to see you. It wasn’t a coincidence, it couldn’t be, and he knew that it was you. Your face was unforgettable to him. He daydreamt about it every day, he would have dreams of you every night. He couldn’t get you out of his head. 

///

The speakers in front of you send vibrations through the air around you, you could feel it in your muscles, in your bones. The entire arena went dark for a moment, and then you heard the crowd roar as they walked out. You had already seen them once during their warm up, but it was like the first time again, your breath held in your lungs as they walked out, the music crescendoing the closer they got to the edge of the stage. 

It felt like when you ride a rollercoaster, the slow climb to the top of the hill, and you knew that the edge was coming soon, that feeling of falling, excitement and fear all in one… But this time there was no fear, it was just the strange tingly feeling in your stomach, that last breath of air before you’d let it all out in one loud scream. 

Building and building, their bodies like shadows in the darkness, and then with one click the spotlights turned on and they were illuminated, the bright lights shining on each and every one of them, but you were only looking specifically at one. An audible gasp left your lips as you seemed to once again lock eyes with Mingi.

Your hands shook as you held up the sign that you had made, feeling quite foolish now as it was hoisted above your head. “Call Me Mingi”, with your phone number written neatly at the bottom. It was a joke, one that your friend had laughed about right alongside you as she added the glitter to the glue hearts that had been neatly placed along the board. 

It was crazy, you and your friend both agreed to that, but it was probably a good switch up from the typical signs that asked the idols to marry them. What was even crazier though was when Mingi pulled out his phone, aiming it in your direction and snapped a quick photo. You couldn’t be delusional, being delusional wasn’t good for your heart or your mind, but you also couldn’t help but think that maybe he took the photo so that he could check back on the sign… So that he could call you… 

The rest of the concert felt more like a blur, stuck in your own mind thinking about what Mingi could have wanted that picture for. You didn’t see any of the other guys taking pictures of the crowd… Or maybe you were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t even notice if they did. You couldn’t stop thinking about it though, and before you knew it, the concert was over and you couldn’t even remember the setlist or the last song they played before the main lights in the arena turned back on and everyone began filing out. 

Your friend was going to kill you, you hadn’t gotten a single video of Yunho for her. You honestly were quite pissed at yourself as well. This is why delusions aren’t good at all. You missed the whole concert, one that you most likely were never going to be able to experience ever again, because you were too busy thinking about whether Song Mingi, a literal idol, would make the time to call someone like you. 

///

“You didn’t get a single video of Yunho!? Oh my god!” Your friend whined as you laid in bed, your phone next to your head, not even on speaker, but her voice was loud enough that it didn’t need to be. “Maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t go to the concert. I can’t afford to be a delulu as your ass.” 

“I’m sorry!” You mumbled, throwing your hands over your face and letting out a loud groan. “I just… I’m not even thinking about him calling my number at this point. I just don’t want him to post a picture of it online and have a bunch of people trying to call me or text me, you know?” You explained, finally getting over your delusions and moving onto a safer, yet still highly panic inducing train of thought. 

“Oh! Your phone is going to be blowing up! You’ll finally be super popular!” Your friend teased, snorting loudly as she said it, but you could only muster a slightly annoyed shut up in response before your phone started vibrating. “It begins! Maybe he did post it!” 

“Oh hell no! I’ll call you back!” You said quickly, ending the call with your friend to quickly answer the incoming call. “Look. I don’t know where you got my number, but if it’s from where I think it is, I will not tolerate unsolicited calls. This is harassment.” 

“Oh…” The voice on the other end was quite timid, but you could tell it was a guy. He sounded kind of nervous, and although all of you wanted to believe who you thought it was, you didn’t want to go down that road again, at least not tonight. “But your number was on the sign… I thought you wanted the phone call.” 

“The sign was a joke!” You explained exasperatedly, kicking your legs like a toddler in the store who was throwing a temper tantrum. You surely didn’t want to deal with this right now. “Unless you are Song Mingi, I’d advise you to hang up the phone and find someone else to bother this late at night.” 

There was a chuckle, although the sound was slightly muffled, but it was extremely agitating that someone found this funny. As if harassment was something comical nowadays. “So I shouldn’t hang up the phone then… Right?” You scoffed loudly, finally getting up from your bed and pacing around your room, something that you often did when you were just too annoyed to sit still. 

“Look, this isn’t funny. If you’re doing this to mess with me, I’m sure you’ve already had your fun. I’m trying to get some sleep, I’m exhausted. It would be really cool of you to not fuck with people like this.” The words came out in huffed breaths, you were beyond pissed, not just at whoever this person was, but at yourself for being stupid enough to put your number out so publicly just on the small chance that someone like Song Mingi would actually dial your number. 

A soft hum, and then your phone started vibrating again, this time an invite to a video call that you surely weren’t up to accepting. You let it continue ringing until it ended, and you thought that it would be a one and done type of thing, but then it started vibrating again. “Just for a second, you don’t even have to be on the camera, I just want to show you something.” 

You didn’t exactly mean to laugh as loudly as you did, but you had heard that line one too many times in your lifetime to trust it. “Look bud, I don’t want to see a live action shot of your dick and balls. I wasn’t born yesterday.” You snarkily shot back, and the audible gasp that came through your speaker had it crackling slightly. 

“Who did that to you? That’s disgusting… Hold up. We don’t have to call. I’ll just… Send you a selfie real quick. Not of my dick and balls.” Were you so annoyed that you were laughing, or did you actually find him funny? You weren’t sure, but regardless of what it was, you laughed at his little quip, your hand moving over your mouth so that the guy didn’t think he was actually getting anywhere right now. 

Your phone buzzed in your hand once again, and luckily it was only once, but when you went to your texts, you were met with a selfie of the guy that was on the other end of the line… The guy that the sign had been made for. “I call bullshit!” You blurted out, because there was no way in hell your little glitter bomb sign would have worked. You just couldn’t fathom it.

“Reverse image search it then. It doesn’t exist anywhere else than in your messages.” He said rather bluntly, quite cockily too. Now that you were really listening to his voice though, you couldn’t deny that it sounded all too familiar to the voice you heard at the concert, and not just that, but the voice you had heard in your phone before when you had won the fancall. You were stunned into silence, you didn’t know what to say or what to do next, and he could tell. “You believe me now?” 

“Mmhm…” Was all you could mutter, because what else were you supposed to say? How were you supposed to think of anything coherent when you were currently in a very real, very one on one call with Song Mingi… Or was it one on one? Did his managers know about this call? Were they just standing around him listening to every word you and him say? Did they freak out when he sent the selfie to you? 

“So… I’m going to be here… Close to you… For another two days…” What was he hinting at? Ain’t no way he was hinting at what you thought he was… right? “If you want to meet up for lunch or dinner… or something…” Holy shit he was. “I know that this is crazy, I just needed to be sure…” 

“Sure of what?” You asked, and your heart felt like a freight train, speeding straight to your ribcage and you were sure it was going to shoot out in a matter of seconds. 

“I… I need to be sure that I do actually like you…” 

///

Two days wasn’t enough, but in a sense, it was for him. It felt like a dream when he finally met up with you, even though he had to practically disguise himself from the public, it felt nice to just be able to sit across from you for lunch and talk to you. It didn’t take long for him to be 100… No… 500% sure that you were the woman that he wanted to be with. Love worked in crazy ways, but he trusted it, because the odds of everything lining up so perfectly to get to this moment… It was fate, it had to be. 

The way your body froze for a second before melting against his when he so suddenly pressed his lips to yours. It was a spur of the moment thing, but it felt right, and he needed to kiss you now because he knew that the moment wouldn’t come again for a long time. It wasn’t supposed to lead to anything more, it wasn’t what he had planned, but before either of you could really think twice, you were falling back onto the hotel mattress and he was falling on top of you. 

In that moment, it was like his heart grew ten times bigger, and laying beside you, your hair carelessly clinging to your sweat covered forehead as you dozed peacefully beside him… Love wasn’t hard to find, the world was just waiting to bring the one you were supposed to love to you. That’s how he felt, and he believed it wholeheartedly. How could he not when he felt like he was falling deeper and deeper in love with you with every soft breath that escaped your lips. 

To live in that moment forever, both bodies hidden underneath wrinkled sheets, his feet hanging out from the end of the blanket, your arm draped lazily over his bare chest. Could you feel his heart beating beneath his skin? It seemed like now it was only beating for you. He saw his future flash before his eyes, mornings like this, every morning like this, just waking up beside you, being able to see your beautiful face as soon as he opened his eyes. What a wonderful future it would be to spend it with you. 

Falling in love was easy when it was with you, but it was hard… It was hard because he knew he couldn’t stay with you, at least not in person. He had to go back to Korea, he had to finish the rest of the tour. His heart felt like it was connected to yours entirely, and having to leave you behind was going to be painful… But it would work. He’d make it work, solely because he couldn’t imagine his life without you in it. 

“I wish I could take you with me…” He whispered, and while he knew that that wish couldn’t be granted, not yet at least, he had been able to swindle security to pick you up just so that he could ride with you to the airport, so that he’d be able to see you one last time before he had to go. “I’ll message you… I’ll call you every day.” 

“What if you get bored?” You practically whimpered, and his heart cracked at the question. How could he ever get bored of you? He had spent months before the concert just thinking about you before he even knew where you lived or what you were truly like. He had been loyal to the singular thought of you. There was no way that he’d give up so easily when he finally had you and was able to call you his. 

“I’d never get bored, baby. I’ll wait, always… Until we can be together.” He reassured you, his hands cupping your cheeks gently as he wiped away the stray tears that fell from your eyes. “Don’t cry, please don’t cry. I’ll start crying and then I won’t be able to get out of the car because I won’t want to leave you…” He kissed your forehead, and then the tip of your nose before leaning back and giving you a smile that had his eyes disappearing momentarily. It was your favorite smile, you had told him multiple times, and it always seemed to cheer you up. 

“I’m sorry…” You sniffled, leaning forward and resting your head against his chest. Could you hear his heart now, could you hear how fast it was beating for you? “You should go now… I don’t want you to miss your flight.” The words sounded choked out, and he would have said more, but he knew that his words would come out the same way. 

For some people, two days wasn’t even enough to be acquaintances, but for him, two days was enough for him to feel like his heart belonged to you completely. You were his soulmate, his everything, without a doubt… He wouldn’t even look at another woman, he wouldn’t be able to look at anything without somehow finding a way to see you in whatever it was. He loved you with every ounce, every fiber of his being. 

“I’ll… I’ll try to make a stop here after the tour… I’ll visit you again… Before I go back to Korea… Okay?” He held out his pinky to lock with yours, twisting his hand and pressing his and your thumbs together. “Wait for me… Always wait for me, okay?” You nodded your head quickly, your nose scrunched up in the most adorable way as the tears continued to fall down your cheeks. With one last kiss, he was moving away, closer to the door. He hated goodbyes. “Get her home safe, okay… Please.” He told the driver who simply nodded, and then he was gone. 

The windows were tinted, and although he knew that you could see him constantly looking back at you through the windows, he couldn’t see you at all. The last image of you that he held in his mind was your tear stained cheeks and the expression of sadness as he let go of your finger and your hand dropped back down to your lap. He wished he could take you with him, but life just wouldn’t allow that… Not right now at least. 

///

For a good amount of time, you both kept in touch with each other frequently. Hell, you even had your first argument as soon as he got back to Korea because he pinky promised that he’d come visit you before he left, but he didn’t. It was quickly solved though, because one of the main things the two of you had going for the relationship was communication. He promised that when he had free time he would come visit you for a week, and you held onto that promise just as you had held onto the one from before. 

You would talk about how your day was, all the little things that happened, regardless of time difference or schedules, you both always found a way to keep in contact. For months your nights would end with video calls from him, and his nights would end with video calls from you. Everything was perfect, he truly felt that way. 

But soon the messages came in less often, it seemed like you were always busy doing something when he wanted to talk. He’d call you at night and you wouldn’t answer, always miraculously not having your phone with you or on when the call would come in. He didn’t understand it, and when he went to one of the other members to talk, he didn’t want to hear what they had to say either. 

There was no way that you were getting tired of him. You couldn’t be getting bored… Because he promised you that he wouldn’t get bored. It would be hypocritical for you to ask him if he’d get bored of you and then… then get bored of him. 

The thought stuck with him though, and while that would usually make most people give up, it just made him try harder. He messaged you as much as he could, he sent you constant pictures, he tried to call you whenever he knew you’d be on a lunch break or when you’d usually get off work. Your responses were always so dry though. Were you trying to get rid of him? Had he done something wrong? He was doing his best, it’s not like he enjoyed being so far away from you. It had only been 3 months… He was willing to wait forever to be with you… Why couldn't you do the same for him? 

“Hey baby, how did you sleep?” Nowadays he felt nervous when he texted you. He didn’t know whether he’d get a one word reply or no reply at all. It felt pathetic that the days he’d get the one word replies were his favorite, but you had been leaving him on read so often now that even the smallest response felt like a win to him. 

“I think we should talk…” A five word reply, and while the words didn’t sit right with him and they made his stomach do flips, it was nice. It was nice to think that you wanted to talk to him, regardless of what it was about. 

“Yeah sure! I’m down to talk, do you want to call? I haven’t seen you in a while. I miss you!” 

“No calling… It’ll just make this harder.” Make what harder? What were you going to say that could possibly be so hard? You weren’t… leaving him… were you? You couldn’t be… He hadn’t done anything wrong. He was devoted to you, he was loyal to you in every way. You weren’t just going to give up on him that easily… Were you? 

“Well, whatever it is that you have to say, I want you to know that I love you. I can’t wait to see you again!” Maybe that text would make you rethink whatever it was that you were about to send. If you knew that he loved you, although he did tell you every single day, maybe you’d realize that whatever you were planning on doing wasn’t the right thing to do. 

“Mingi… I can’t keep this up. I… found someone else…” 

“No you didn’t… No you didn’t!” He was already crying even though he wanted his mind to just forget that he had even read that text. “You love me! Don’t you love me?!” You had to love him… Why else would you have been so sad in the car when he went to the airport? “Is this because I couldn’t visit you after the tour was over? I’m sorry! I’ll come visit you! I’ll buy a plane ticket right now!” 

“It’s not that… I need someone that’s here with me. I don’t just want to keep repeating the same conversations every single day. The schedule differences and… Everything is stacked up against us… We weren’t going to work.” 

How could you say something like that? He was doing everything he possibly could to make it work. He was the one putting in all the effort. He was the one staying up later than he should just to be able to call you and message you when you were free. “No… You just didn’t want it to work… I still do!” His fingers moved like lightning across his screen, his eyes blurred with the tears that he was trying so hard to hold back. “You can’t decide something like that.. If you would have talked to me… We could have made it work.” 

Did you know that you were killing him, that you were breaking his heart? Would you take the words back if he told you? “I don’t want to argue with you… I just wanted you to know…” Were you as nonchalant as your texts made it seem you were? You really didn’t care… But maybe… Maybe if he gave you some time… A bit of time you’d come to realize that you did love him. He won’t message you… He’ll let it simmer… Maybe you’ll end up missing him and messaging him first. 

So he waited, and days turned into weeks, and he thought he’d be able to wait a month, but then you started posting on Instagram. You looked so happy in your pictures, you looked absolutely gorgeous, and the smile that you were wearing was the same one you had given him during those two days he got to be with you. He swiped through, and he was fine… Maybe not as fine as he wanted to be, but he was fine with seeing the pictures of just you. It brought back happier memories of when he was able to actually be with you. Then he got to the last picture, the guy that you were currently with, he assumed, his arms around you and his lips planted to your cheek. 

As if your words hadn’t been enough to have his heart breaking in two, the pictures felt like you were purposely throwing it in his face that he couldn’t be with you, that he couldn’t make you happy. He couldn’t stand seeing it, he was pissed, he was devastated, he wanted to lash out and he wanted to cry. Why were you doing this to him? What had he done? 

There wasn’t a single thought in his mind as he closed the instagram app and went to kakao, not even bothering to text you before his thumb slammed down on the call button. He didn’t care if you answered the first time, he’d just keep calling until you did, and that’s exactly what he had to do. It took 6 times for your exasperated breath to come through the speaker when you finally answered, but he wasn’t going to give you any time to complain. 

“Did you post it to piss me off or upset me? Because you did both! I guess you’re really winning now, aren’t you? You got to break up with a k-pop idol and break his heart! Good for you!” Right off the bat he was ranting, and maybe he sounded a little bit psychotic, maybe he sounded just slightly obsessed, but when you’re in love with someone, isn’t that how it should be? 

The sound of a man talking in the background had Mingis ears perking up. Were you with the guy still? Oh, how he wished the guy would get on the phone, he’d love to have a word with him. “You’re being ridiculous. I had a clear, logical reason to break up with you. I didn’t do it to hurt you or piss you off. I just wanted to be happy.” How could you sound so sad when you were the one that left him. He didn’t do this! You did! 

“What about my happiness?!” He screeched, running his hand through his hair. He had become aware of the rest of the guys all coming into the room to check on him, but he didn’t care enough to stop. You were going to listen to what he had to say, and those that decided to stick around would have to listen to it too. “You gave up on everything… You’re so selfish! And you weren’t even going to tell me!” 

“I was going to tell you!” You shouted back, and for some reason, it made him kind of excited to hear you fighting back. Something about hearing you get emotional over his words… It had butterflies swarming his stomach. “I didn’t even have time to fully think about how I was going to tell you, but you kept fucking messaging me and-” 

“Of course I kept messaging you! You were my girlfriend and I hadn’t heard from you! Don’t try to act like I’m the bad guy when you’re the one who was practically cheating on me!” While he was angry, he was also struggling to keep from laughing. It would probably sound a bit maniacal to start laughing right now though, and that’s the last thing he wanted. He just found it so cute, the way you were swearing and breathing so heavily, he could almost perfectly envision your face right now. 

You huffed loudly, and the sound was so beautiful to him. Maybe it was just the fact that you hadn’t hung up yet… You were still making time out of your day that you were spending with your boyfriend to focus on him. “I don’t know why you’re being such an asshole right now… I didn’t do anything to you. I never cheated on you… We… What we had… It couldn’t even be considered dating… We were only together for two days…” 

Now he was laughing though, his head falling back as the sound built in his chest. “Yeah okay! Let’s just hope that your boyfriend doesn’t have to go out of town or leave the country for more than a week. You might replace him too!” He shot back and he could almost hear the eye roll from your end. “Maybe you’re not actually meant for relationships, you just want someone to physically dote upon you daily. Sorry I couldn’t fit your selfish needs into my already busy schedule.” 

A small sniffle and the shuffling of fabric, maybe you were wiping your tears or maybe your wonderful boyfriend had come over to wipe them for you. “You’re being unnecessarily mean to me right now…” You whispered, sniffling again before swallowing thickly. “I’m sorry that you’re hung up… And I’m sorry that my happiness is upsetting you. I’m not asking you to stick around though… I’m not forcing you to. You don’t have to stalk my life… You can unfollow me.” 

Of course he wasn’t going to do that. He couldn’t imagine not seeing you on his feed when he opened Instagram, or not having your messages to look back on when he missed you too much. “You’re happiness won’t last long… You’re too selfish to be truly happy with anyone. The first time you can’t get exactly what you want, you give up. Have fun with that.” 

“I-” He quickly hung up, and it was only then that it sank in what he had done… And a wide smile spread across his face. He’d be kicking his feet if they weren’t touching the floor over the edge of the bed. The call only lasted 20 minutes tops, but hearing your voice that long… It was amazing, it made his heart beat a mile a minute and that familiar warm and fuzzy feeling washed over him. 

“Dude… What the fuck?” Wooyoung finally spoke up, concern masking the man's features as he stared at Mingi on the bed. No one had ever heard him talk like that before, and truthfully, he looked and was acting like a complete psychopath right now. “Who was that? What’s going on right now?” 

“I found a way to talk to her…” Mingi said, his chest rising and falling heavily as he let himself drop back onto the bed. He was happy, the happiest he’s been in weeks. “She’ll keep talking if we argue… I just have to keep arguing with her… Then she’ll come back to me. She’ll realize how much she misses me… This’ll work. I know it will.”

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[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Fic Author Self-Rec

I was tagged by @qqueenofhades mwah dear!

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love. ❤

I know what I would pick for the five if I was being fully honest - it's the same five I've repeatedly picked before (Reincarnation AU, Hades!Buck AU, Zombie Apocalypse AU, Ghost!Buck AU, and Hades!Eddie AU). But I wanted to challenge myself and pick five fics from this year, 2024, since it is the end of the year and it would be nice to look back on it.

I wrote far more fanfic than I planned (728,600 words), including a threesome collection and a rarepair (77k words for a Midsomer Murders fic what is wrong with me). I had hoped to surprise post my big Xedgin fic as a new year's gift but that ended up not happening, alas. I haven't forgotten it though and while I am now 100% focused on my original novels I promise to find time to post it.

Anyway enough navel-gazing, here are my five favorite fics from this year!

Racing with the Brakes Cut

My Fast & Furious AU that I wrote in a burst of inspiration after I was made to marathon the series with friends. I had a lot of fun writing it. There's a very particular feel to the first F&F film - a vibe of Los Angeles in the dog days of summer, a sense of desperate people living in the beautiful grit of the city, a feeling of messy found family, and a particular brand of homoeroticism, that I wanted to capture. I like to think I succeeded.

Held Up a Lightning Rod (Wonder Why I'm Struck)

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO JUST BE A FUN SUGAR BABY AU. I predicted it would be around 60k words and it turned out double that number. But I'm really proud of how I wove seasons one through four into this canon and ended up incorporating Buck and Eddie's alternate relationship into the canon. This is also a fic I posted chapter by chapter and the responses I got from everyone along the way were delightful. I think this might be one of my most popular fics, actually. I just had a blast writing it and responding to everyone's comments, it really felt like a community, and that's what fic and fandom are all about.

Connected the Dots in Reverse (But Still Completed the Picture)

This is a Ghost Files/Unsolved AU and that proved to be a challenge. How do you capture the feeling of watching a video in a written work? How do you replicate the banter and the humorous editing? I also had to watch the entire two series over again to pick what locations and quotes I wanted to incorporate into the fic, so that was a lot. But I had a lot of fun writing it. It was especially fun to get to lean into Eddie's sassy, goofy, Buck-enabling side.

The Blood Between My Teeth is My Own

I am so proud of myself that this was only 32k. YAY, ME! I love the 118 as werewolves, and it was great to finally dive into that with a fic that had a proper plot. It was fun to explore Eddie's personal issues through the lens of lycanthropy, and I enjoyed depicting werewolves as properly monstrous rather than just big wolves or slightly-transformed humans. I wrote this in the span of about 72 hours and I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out.

I’m Not Breathing Unless I’m Giving You CPR

YES I KNOW THIS IS FROM 2023 BUT BEAR WITH ME. I wrote this fic as an experiment and was extremely nervous about its reception. I didn't think most people would read it or enjoy it. But if you look at my stats page for 2023, it has the most hits, second-most kudos, second-most bookmarks, and second-most comments. I'm floored, absolutely floored. Over the last year I've repeatedly gotten really lovely comments from people talking about how this fic has affected them, and it's really meant more than I can say. Especially as I dive into my novels which feature characters who are various levels of disaster and do often mess up, or are hard to love, or who make wrong or bad choices, or are mentally unwell, it's so encouraging to know that this darker fic that I really was nervous about has been so loved.

Tagging @extasiswings @tripleaxeldiaz @peridotglimmer @givemeunicorns and @princessfbi. No pressure but I hope as this (terrible) year comes to a close you all have a chance to look with pride at some of your writing!

[arashi-no-saxlphone]

So I was thinking about the Assassins again because while I generally have a pretty short list of criticisms of Guilty Gear when it comes to narrative and character themes I've always been like "Man we could've done something more interesting with Zato and Eddie. I mean, Eddie BEGS Millia to remember him as an actual being rather than just something attached to Zato - he says that to MILLIA, who would understand very well the value of personhood." And then I had this brain blast like, wow, I've been stuck on the surface of the whole Assassins deal for a while (Which I already knew I just couldn't figure out how to get deeper in there analytically) but now I think some pieces have slid into place for me.

EXTREMELY long messy post under the cut I'm SORRY:

Now, I still am overall less familiar with the Assassins deal comparatively when it comes to what I know about the rest of the cast. However, it's dawned on me that Zato has all this bad shit happen to him over and over because it's a punishment for what he's done to the rest of them.

Millia and Venom both were lost, and the guild took them in. I want to preface this by saying ZATO'S INTENTIONS WERE INITIALLY GOOD! I'm going to be super mean to Zato later on but I want people to understand the story of the Assassins is one of TRAGEDY! Zato has done horrible things, they all have they're assassins, but at the start of it all the assassins guild and every leader its ever had wanted, at the start, to build a place people could go to. Hell, Slayer started the guild to be a kind of virtuous assassins guild that hunted bad people (and also to supply him with blood before he met Sharon). When Zato took over, he did want to make a place that would take in the lost, and it did that for Millia and Venom.

HOWEVER! Zato was DESPERATE to make the guild better after Slayer abandoned it (fucking Slayer man. I love you grandpa and you're a silly dandy little man but I feel like we give you a pass ALL the time for pulling an absent father routine on the guild. I'm not happy with you grandpa. Even though you do come back and try to fix it). Zato needs to rise to power and to do this he performs forbidden magic to become the host to Eddie. This works! Zato becomes the leader and the guild starts having a Renaissance! Yay!

Millia and Venom both share an intense dedication to Zato, and Millia also has her forbidden magic deal with her hair, Angra. This is where things start to get fucky. Zato has created the place he wanted, but AT THE COST of his identity, the guild's identity, and subsquently MILLIA AND VENOM'S IDENTITIES AS WELL!

You could argue Millia and Venom being lost means they were looking for an identity to have at all, both being orphans, but the problem with that is when Millia tries to leave multiple times it's seen as a betrayal. The choice isn't necessarily there because Zato's identity has BECOME the guild. At this point the Guild has also lost its original identity as a kind of righteous "hunt the ne'er do wells" and has started taking contracts for money, a purpose entirely divorced from the original vision Slayer had for it. Zato cares only about the survival and success of the guild - he's lost his way and can't see that he's completely given up what made the guild a good organization originally (I think thematically this is why the Forbidden Beast magic takes his sight - it's meant to be a metaphor).

Venom is so devoted to Zato he's willing to die for him. He is noted to not enjoy killing, but he always puts the guild first because of Zato, and always completes his missions. Again, the guild's identity has usurped Venom's own, because that's what Zato has made it into. It's a place that's sacrificing the identity of its members so it can survive.

Eventually, Millia meets Slayer and Slayer helps her finally ask the question what she wants for her OWN life (Where the fuck have you been dude do you know how bad shit has gotten? This happens during an assassination mission by the way). Millia has never considered this before, and it plants the seed for her to change her mind about what she wants. Up through Xrd, Millia starts living her own life to the point that she actually starts to enjoy it. I'm skipping a lot of details in XX here because the timeline is confusing to me but the general gist is that Zato does die after succumbing to Eddie and being killed by Millia, then the conclave brings him back. This is the actual important bit for what I'm talking about:

Zato ends up hating Millia for betraying the guild before he dies, it's the reason his dislikes has "women" in it. When Zato is brought back to life, he is completely devoid of all emotion. He wants only to protect Millia for some reason. This is what I mean when I say Zato is being punished - he cost the people around him their own identities and so, though he's been brought back to life, he has paid the price for that with his own identity. He's aware of his sins and knows they will never be wiped clean - it's a kind of "living is the punishment" deal because death would be deserved.

Throughout Xrd, Millia, Zato, and Venom find ways to keep living, and because Millia now knows what SHE wants thanks to Slayer, she becomes the new leader of the guild and it essentially becomes the Illyrian CIA. The big deal here is Millia decides to return to the Guild BY CHOICE - it's something she WANTS to do and she ends up being able to make it a place that "people can return to" like Zato wanted. I imagine that's part of the reason Zato remains so intensely dedicated to her in Strive as well.

During the Xrd story Venom almost dies trying to help the guild by fighting Bedman, and in a way he DOES "die." The Venom that wants to give everything up for Zato and the guild dies in that fight, and Zato tests him by sending 2Cave to give him the bakery. This is a massive moment because Zato is giving Venom an actual chance to have his own life and make his own identity outside of the guild - something he never gave Millia and she had to make on her own. The guild and it's members have finally become Life Affirmers rather than Life Takers, as well as a place where identity can be grown rather than a place where it must be erased so they can be assimilated into the guild.

I kind of got a little messy there but my point is that the Assassins are about identity and the cost of having one. It isn't necessarily easy but you have to live in a manner that satisifes you. Even if you're lost, even if you're mired in sin, you need to keep living. That's as good as I can end this. I apologize for the lack of detail but a lot of assassins stuff happens in corners of game I haven't seen or in side material I haven't read but this is what I came up with with what I do know. Hope it was at the very least interesting lol.

[lutawolf]

The Sign Commentary Review Ep 5

I'm going to link to my episode 3 commentary because I gave a lot of Thailand mythology information. While I will be watching the show for the first time now and giving you my commentary. I've been Ask a question that gave me heads up that a lot of mythology will show up in this episode. So let's go!

We start the series off with this guy who has a Naga back tat. Then we see the front with him dripping water down himself. I got to hand it to Saint, he really knows how to visually stimulate. Is he the killer?

Are we really gonna ignore that Tharn sees visions? 2. Phaya has gotten his period. I mean, I get it. Nobody wants the love of their life thinking they're crazy, but this has the hallmark of hormonal rage versus righteous anger. Maybe the lack of sleep is starting to get to him. 3. Where do we stand with the physical assault? Do we label this domestic or everyone else feeling that maybe something is off here? Like when a werewolf gets all testosterone before their first change. I mean, you can literally see the freak-out in his face after he realized he has hit Tharn. Which honestly makes me feel better.

Oh, so we now understand why Tharn saw the female and how she relates. And Yai proves once again just how special he is. He really put on that clown mask. That's just wrong.

There are two! Honestly, didn't see that coming. Ahh, well now it's more understandable why they were getting their ass kicked. It's Wit.

I mean, I'm having a hard time caring that he might be killed. Just go ahead and let him go. Tharn sees him getting hit by a truck. I'm so okay with that.

I mean, I get the logic of no vigilante justice. But... People who sexually assault rarely deal with serious consequences. Only about 6% of Sexual Offenders ever serve a day in jail. If an assault is reported (this is rare due to fear factors), there is a 50% chance of an arrest. If an arrest is made, there is an 80% chance of prosecution. If there is a prosecution, there is only a 58% chance of conviction. If convicted, there is only a 16% chance that they will go to prison.

Well, that was therapeutic. The parental guidance warning made me chuckle.

They found him! Now I'm nervous! Ahhh, don't save him Tharn, go save Phaya. Don't judge me, people. I'm a little blood thirty when it comes to this.

A Naga. Not good. He is using his power for the fight, and it looks like it's overpowering Tharn's. Surprisingly, Phaya is keeping pace though, despite the break out of power. Well, until he gets a rope wrapped around him, that is. I was in full support of you dude until you started hurting Phaya and Tharn. Now ya gotta go.

Shit! A lot happened fast!

Tharn steps in front of Phaya and gets stabbed. You can tell from home dudes face that he had never meant to actually hurt Tharn. Which means he knows he is a fellow Naga. Then why is he okay with hurting Phaya? Then we see combined powers. Both Phaya's and Tharn, with Tharn's being green, which is Naga colors. Golden red is a distinct color clue.

Garuda: Is a mythical bird-man creature that is the half sibling to the nage, but they are sworn enemies. The feud started when both he Garuda's mother and Nagas' mother married the same husband. The husband gave each wife one wish. The Nagas' mother asked for a thousand children, while Garuda's mother wished for two children superior to the Naga. The feud grew until Garuda's mother lost a bet ad became the servant of the Nagas' mother. Eventually she was freed, but her children swore vengeance.

The Garuda represents royalty, strength, and divine knowledge. With its fierce loyalty and warrior nature, the Garuda serves a protective function. It adorns shields, swords, and armor as a guardian symbol. The Garuda’s golden wings are believed to shine light on the darkness of evil and ignorance.

Soooo, right now I'm thinking our Phaya is a Garuda. It also explains why in their past life he rejected Tharn for being a Naga. There are some stories of Naga and Garuda that aren't enemy, though. These few stories are about devote Buddhist Nagas and as protectors of the faith, Garudas are unable to kill these particular Nagas.

Poor Phaya is flipping out while Tharn is very calm. You can literally watch Phaya's brain go into a "does not compute point." All because Tharn is glad his is safe and gently wipes his face. It's a stark contrast to the violence that Phaya has been giving him. This whole thing cools him down in the same way that a bucket of cold water would. Despite others showing up, they cling to each other.

Tharn is now cleaned up and very calm. Meanwhile, his other half is losing his shit. Dragging him away to try and get some answers. Finally, some much-needed communication and touchy-feely. I love the way Tharn looks at Phaya when he asks him not to leave him.

Look, he is all soft and gooey like a chocolate chip cookie. He might be talking about work, but his body language is saying something else. This boy is clearly touched, starved. Ahhh, I'm getting all the feels with this scene.

The nurses pausing and kind of turning back to them and then them breaking apart. Hahahaha!

This cute little micro smile. It means everything to have cleared things up with Phaya.

Guys... Someone on this show is an actual survivor. Cause this shit is too accurate. Yeah, they could have talked to a survivor but add it with other things, it's there. This is someone's therapeutic art. The writer? The scriptwriter? I haven't read the book, so I don't know.

Ohhhh, we're digging into his parent's case now.

Phaya staying the night with Tharn again. Slumber party! Yes, you absolutely should play a game of Doctor. Silly boy, he is cute though.

Oh! Another dream. Damn it! I want the real deal but... I mean, at least they are feeding us something. At least the dreams tell us that these boys clearly want each other. Oh, a daydream. Damn boy. Keep it together 🤣🤣🤣 He's trying so hard. I'm dead. I love these two. He is planning ahead, telling Yai to bring him lots of clothes. He'll probably have to crash there more in the future.

But nope, it's the stupid doctor. Who is clearly some kind of naga since Phaya's touch bothers him. He gives a strong kickback. So as I mentioned earlier, Garuda can't harm followers of Buddhism, but they can and will harm those that worship the serpent.

Nobody is buying your shit Phaya, but I'm with you on saying what ever you got to. This dude is creepy. He feels like he owns Tharn and I wanna know why. And we're playing doctor again! Which ends in cuddle time. OMG, I love Phaya so much. That is the fastest count to three that I've ever heard. Love it! Touch starved, Tharn is very handsy when he is sleeping. Phaya does not appear to mind.

Too cute!!!

Apparently, all that love goes out the window when he wakes up. 🤣🤣🤣

Ummm, home dude might be your adoptive dad, but he isn't a cop. Stop talking shop!

The precepts are rules or guidelines to develop mind and character to make progress on the path to enlightenment… The first precept consists of a prohibition of killing, both humans and all animals. The second precept prohibits theft and related activities such as fraud and forgery. The third precept refers to sexual misconduct, and has been defined with terms such as sexual responsibility and long-term commitment. The fourth precept involves falsehood spoken or committed to by action, as well as malicious speech, harsh speech and gossip. The fifth precept prohibits intoxication through alcohol, drugs, or other means.

Damn, Phaya over here tattling. Oh, no! Grandma is sick! Ha, he was tricked.

He is a cop. Of course, it's dangerous. This is why I'm oh so excited that two of my kids want to go into law enforcement. (said in complete sarcasm.) We do a tight focus of the eagle, he has wings on his back. I'm really thinking I'm right here. Damn, he is obsessed.

There is past life Tharn. Water and sky, the places where their other half reside. And there he is. Ahh, I get more and more excited with each one. I can't wait. 💜💜💜

[ssalballoon]

i wanna get better at art but dont know how to start ^^' whats a good way to get into studying anatomy and improving as an artist? tysm 💗 love your art soso much

more art converts 😼 yay!!

i think these asks were sent by different people but they're pretty related + a lot of my advice is the same! so i'll answer these together under the cut (it's so long oh gosh)

ok first of all i'm very flattered that people are asking me for art advice but i'm really not the most equipped person to ask TTOTT I've never been deliberately studious with my art so I feel bad offering advice when I've mostly gotten by with just drawing fanart and ocs a lot... my rate of improvement has therefore been slow, but I've still had an enjoyable learning experience so perhaps from that angle my input may help! i'll mainly refer you to external resources that have helped me

For anatomy + drawing humans:

1) I know I'm not diligent enough to sit down and study muscles, so instead I make it more enjoyable by drawing my favorite characters in a pose that targets the muscles I want to practice! (i default to drawing ppl naked because of this lol) This isn't the most efficient, but it serves as good motivation to get practice in. (honestly a lot of my general art advice has the undercurrent of becoming so obsessed with characters to drive your motivation to draw even when artblocked/ struggling with doubts!)

2) I want to refer you to Sinix's Anatomy playlist! Although Sinix focuses more on digital painting, he gives simplified anatomy breakdowns that include how muscles change shape under different movements/poses, which is crucial for natural human posing. the static anatomy diagrams from Google don't really help for that

3) What's just as important as anatomy is gestures! (especially important if you're used to drawing non-human objects I think!) Making figures look like they have flow to them will sell the "naturalness"(?) to your anatomy. If you have in person life drawing sessions accessible near you I'd recommend trying those out, or if you prefer trying it digitally there's this website!

This helps you not only get a sense of human proportions, but also natural posing! I'd limit the time taken to draw the poses from like 10 seconds to 1 minute(?) for quick gestures, and maybe 1 minute to 5mins(for now!! typically they go much longer) to study human proportions. I'd say don't spend a lot of time on them, repetition is more important!

4) I've also picked up on useful anatomy tidbits from artists online! Looking at how practiced/ professional artists stylize a body helps me focus on what the essential details are to convey a particular form (looking up "human muscles" and being hit with anatomy diagrams full of all the smallest details can be overwhelming! what do you even focus on?! so these educated simplifications really help me) Like Emilio Dekure's work! Look how simplified these figures are, and yet contain all the essential information to convey the sense of accurate form (even though it's highly exaggerated!)

(shamefully admits I've never studied from actual anatomy books so I can't recommend anything in that sense TTOTT)

For general improvement:

1) I highly recommend Sinix's Design Theory playlist and Paintover Pals! (+ his channel in general) You don't have to put them immediately into practice, but I think these are good fundamental lessons to just listen to and have them in the back of your mind to revisit another day. Plus these videos are just fun and very approachable! Design theory fundamentals are essential to creating appeal and directing a viewer's attention, and critiquing others' work/ seeing his suggestions are a good way to practice noticing areas of improvement+ solutions yourself!

2) If you prefer a more formal teaching resource, the Drawabox YouTube course covers all the basic fundamentals of drawing in short lessons. But honestly if I were starting out, this would be a little intimidating for me (and even now it still is! I haven't done all of them) But even if you don't watch them, the titles should give you an idea of the basic concepts that are valuable to pick up. I think it would be nice to keep in mind and revisit once in a while as you learn!

(One lesson I do encourage you to watch is the line control one! A confident continuous line conveys motion and flow much better compared to discontinuous frayed lines which I think is good to practice early by drawing from the wrist and shoulder)

3) As a universal piece of advice: Please please please use references! Use a reference for literally everything, observing is how we learn! You'll find that a lot of things you thought you knew what they looked like are inaccurate by memory alone. Also, trace! This is solely for your practice, tracing then freehanding has helped me grasp proportions when I was struggling! (of course don't post these online if you traced from art)

I've found that being able to compile references into easy to access boards has been very helpful in encouraging me to use references more. For PC, I think they use PureRef (free/pay what you want), and for iPad I use VizRef. VizRef is a one time purchase (which was definitely worth the $3.99 USD price imo)

4) On that note, try building up the habit to observe from media + real life and make purposeful comments about what you see! Like hey, when I bend my knee, the muscles/fat in my thighs and calves bulge outwards, I should draw that next time. Purposeful observation carries over to your overall visual library, and it's a little thing that adds up over time

5) For motivation, get into media you really enjoy, or make your own characters! The way I started art more seriously was by drawing fanart + OCs from anime that I liked ^^ For OCs it really encourages you to draw more because you're the primary creator of their art! Also you gotta see a lot of good art to make good art! Watching visually appealing media (like animation with appealing stylization/simplification) can passively help you learn just by observation.

ok wow I could go on but this is already a lot of information TTOTT my main aim for this reply is basically: don't let anything discourage you from learning to draw!! drawing is so fun and brings me a lot of joy ^^ practicing often will of course help you improve, and the way to incentivize that is by having fun with it! i hope this could help!💞

[rimouskis]

hey! I got a new job! that's crazy! I actually kept a huge spreadsheet to track my job search, from my layoff last year through three different job offers. obvs I'm not gonna share the spreadsheet itself but I wanna share some numberrrrrrsssss

over the course of 11 months, I applied to 142 jobs [not including any "easy apply" options on linkedin, which would easily add another 80 or so jobs to this list. if any of those easy apply applications led to an interview, they were added to my spreadsheet].

of those 142, I heard back from 25. I was simply rejected from 58, and never heard from 59.

of the jobs I interviewed for, I was rejected after the first round 12 times and rejected after the second round three times.

I made it to the third round of interviews three times, and all three times I was offered the job.

I removed myself from contention for three roles that were interested in me. I rescinded my candidacy for various reasons like compensation, wanting to be an actual employee instead of a contractor, stuff like that.

I also want to say that many times I interviewed and then was still ghosted, lol. it's so gross to me that companies don't have the wherewithal to communicate with people after speaking with them, especially face-to-face.

some anecdotes:

despite these numbers looking atrocious (and trust me, they FELT atrocious), I had pretty good luck. I secured my first job offer 2 months after starting my job search.

there was a MUCH heavier gap between the first job offer and the second (closer to five months). the reasons for that were: I had started my new job and didn't apply anywhere for a whole month, and also that job destroyed my mental health so badly that I genuinely cannot speak of it lol.

THAT BEING SAID, because the second job offer had a very long interview period, there were only three months between me starting my new job (first job offer) and me sending in my application that led to the second job offer. so, frankly, given that the job almost destroyed my life, I think three months is a pretty good turnaround.

I had a VERY good rate of return between the second job offer and the third. I applied to only 42 jobs and secured interviews for a whopping ~25% of them. maybe I'd finally Gotten Good at applying for jobs after applying to roughly two a day for half a year lol.

that being said, I'd also slowed down a lot in my application grind. I was very demoralized and also felt a lot of complicated feelings around turning down the second job offer. I had very good reasons for it, but it was still an incredibly hard decision and it threw me off my game for a while. I'd also become choosier in what I applied for.

finally, 100ish days after being offered that second job, I was offered the third—and final, for this saga—job. My Long Nightmare Was Over.

so: why share this? firstly, I'm proud of my recordkeeping and wanted to share it, haha. secondly, I know everyone is complaining about the job market, but in case anyone else is in the trenches right now: I just want to tell you that I see you, I feel you, and this has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

applying to jobs was like pulling teeth for me. job SEARCHING, itself, causes (for some reason) an emotional reaction in me so strong that you'd think the process was lab-designed to cause me stress and extreme self-doubt.

I've gotten a lot better at it in the last year, though, and my tolerance and stamina for it is much better. but christ alive, it was an emotionally-taxing grind.

job searching sucks. in several industries, the job market is a total blood bath right now. if you need to talk about it, I'm always happy to lend an understanding ear.

anyways. yay numbers. hopefully I don't have to do that again for a VERY long time.

[valeriianz]

fic talk! yay! tagged by @beatnikfreakiswriting and @hardly-an-escape <3

How many wips do you have currently?

okay, let's be reasonable about this (lol). WIPs that im currently working on, only 4. don't- hey! don't look into my Google Docs! ignore all those files. sometimes i like to jot a sentence or idea down, that doesn't mean it's an active WIP! that also doesn't mean they are abandoned. they are just... marinating. snoozing. biding their time.

Which one are you finding the hardest to finish? Why do you think that is?

oh geez, probably Savory & Sweet. it's so silly because the first chapter of that flew out of me. it was so fun to write and its a verse i definitely revisit from time to time... and technically the first chapter works as a stand alone- i don't need to write a follow up. but after i had posted it, i really had every intention to write more. but for some reason the motivation to actually sit down and write it out is fleeting. but it's a year old at this point and i just want. it. FINISHED!

What does it usually look like when inspiration strikes for you?

it never strikes when i want it to, firstly. never when im sitting down and writing. it sometimes comes when i dont have access to a pen and paper or my phone- like riding my bike or in the shower, so whatever great idea/line of dialogue/scene that pops into my head in that moment, i repeat in my head over and over until i can finally scramble to get it hastily written down lmao. but it is very random... and usually strikes when im alone and in my own head, doing nothing in particular.

Do you curate playlists for each fic or is your process different?

no. and i write in absolute silence as well. lyrics distract me and music has never spoken to me that way- not enough to influence writing at least. of course the big exception is Bolt in the Blue lmao. but i think it makes sense that im making playlists for that fic. (oh and i made one for Let Me Down Easy as well... but these two fics have literally been the only times in my entire fanfic history that i've made playlists haha)

Do you go balls to the wall and write as you go or are you more organised?

for the moooost part i have a bit of organization, even if it's a few scattered notes. i learned my lesson quite late about making sure to at least have an ending in mind before i start writing and publishing (to be very real with y'all, the reason the dreamling Road Trip au hasn't gotten off the ground yet is because i can't think of a good ending for it). that being said though, once i do have an ending sorted out, my writing process is basically chaos. sometimes plot points or arcs will change entirely... which is a little scary, but as long as i can keep my ending the same, fuck it.

tagging, no obligation/tag me in existing posts: @issylra @delta-pavonis @valiantstarlights @tj-dragonblade

[slytherinshua]

warning: sappiness ahead fr

it's been 424 days since i started my blog, and here we are.

1000 followers.

1000.

10 to the power of 3.

that is, in fact, a lot of people.

i can't even begin to understand how 1000 people like my writing. i think that it will still take me a while to feel like a good writer, even though i've just accomplished this milestone of followers.

i feel like a novice all the time, because, well, i've only been writing since january of 2022 (613 days, if i've calculated correctly). this hobby of mine was spontaneous and new and is still something i need to get a lot better at. i never wrote when i was younger apart from academic essays, it just wasn't something i found interesting, but since i've gotten into fanfiction, i've found my place where i can write and be creative.

the sincerest thank you to everyone who likes my writing. whether you were my first follower or my 1000th follower, i love you.

somehow this has started to feel like a well thought out thank you speech for some big occasion, even though it's just funny old tumblr dot com where little zanna reached a milestone. but this feels like an eventful day, but i'm still writing just whatever comes to my mind, none of this post was planned beforehand.

i want to really really thank the people who have been a big part of my life, my tumblr moots and close friends. (more sappiness ahead ew)

@eternalgyu hannie is the entire reason i am even writing on this platform. she was the start to everything, from the very second i created this blog to now, she's been here for all 424 days. and i can't even understand why she has stuck with me for that long, but i love her more than anyone else on this planet. i've dumped all my ideas on her and given her spoilers for fics i was writing. she's given me so many ideas and suggestions that have really helped along the way to create this blog and get it to where it is today. she will always be number 1 for me. she is irreplaceable. hannie, i love you so much.

@blue-jisungs axe :D the first blog i followed, and my first moot. she has been here from before i hit 100 followers. she's read my shitty old writing from when this blog was just starting to form. and i thank her for sticking with me cause my writing back then was not the greatest, let's just say that. axe has always been someone i looked up to, especially when i was first starting. i loved her writing and it inspired a lot of the first fics i wrote for this blog!! she'll always be one of my closest friends, i love her so much.

@hannahsophie0103 thank you for being one of the first people to send in requests, and for continuing to give me ideas. i get a lot of requests now, but when this blog was still a fetus, my inbox sat empty for weeks and weeks. i got so inspired and motivated whenever i got a request, and writing was truly so fun whenever i felt like i was writing for someone.

sorry for lumping you all together, but all my caratblr moots, i love you so much. everyone in the moot circle especially-- who i've talked to on the discord server-- you are some of my closest friends, and i love how we're all here, just writing some silly little fics for seventeen on tumblr. some of you have absolutely incredible writing that i can only hope to achieve one day. when i read some of your fics, it feels like actual art. words strung together so beautifully that i can say with no hesitation that you've created an actual masterpiece. thank you for inspiring me and talking to me daily, i hope you haven't gotten bored of me. you all feel like my close friend group, who i could share anything with and you'd still support and love me. thank you for being friends with me, and i love you.

i think that we've passed all the sappy speech part yay!! now to announce my 1K follower event :) *drum roll*

the love sight event.

what's the love sight event, you may ask? well, although i had dozens of ideas for what to do once i reached 1K, i decided that since txt was the start for this blog, i wanted them to be the centre of my event.

love sight will be a multiple part series where each member of txt will get their own fic.

i've put a lot of thought and planning into this event (only the planning though, i have a long way to go for actually writing the fics, but i'll get there eventually). i expect that actually completing this event will take... a very long time. so please bear with me as i write these fics!!

i have some other things planned soon for fics, such as the caratsland song event and some possible collaborations, so if there is a wait between fics for love sight, i'm sorry about that!!

i hope you all really enjoy the event, and once again, thank you. all 1000 of you, thank you so much. - zanna

[sarah-sandwich-writes]

20 Questions - Fanfic Writer Edition

I was tagged by both @writer-or-whatever and @jmrothwell so I suppose I better do it 😅 Thanks guys!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 42 (*gasp* am I Miles Morales?)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 1,265,660 lol

3. What fandoms do you write for? currently just Spider-Man but I used to write for Supernatural and before that Harry Potter. I'm a one obsession at a time kinda girl.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Paradise (spread out with a butter knife) - 72k spideypool soulmates au

Don't Freak Out - 136k parkner rivals to lovers speedrun

A Peach Like You - 73k parkner featuring autistic!peter, loveatfirstsight!harley, and a cringe self insert as the villain of the week lmao

The Distance Between (You and Me) - 29k parkner bodyguard au

You're Freaking Out - 166k sequel to DFO featuring plot (wow!) and Miles (yay!)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

My dudes I try. I know I'm not very consistent and I have a tendency to disappear for months at a time, but I read and cherish each one.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angsty endings lol I think the closest I've gotten is Lay Me Down - 8k destiel major character death--lowest kudosed fic out of all 42 lmao

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is an impossible question. I am like the queen of happy endings? You want me to rank them??? Fine, it's You're Freaking Out. Best 10k epilogue in the land. Oh hey also I just noticed it has 997 kudos. May I humbly request 3 more pretty please?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No. Closest was when someone complained on one of my destiel fics about the grocery store not having plastic bags and needing a quarter in order to obtain a cart. I specifically remember they said, "I hate when writers do this," and went on to complain about us making up obviously fake stuff that pulls them out of the story. Like, first of all you're complaining about storytellers making stuff up ??? okay. And second, it was an Aldi. A real grocery store. That I didn't make up.

I had to take a day to cool off before I responded and then they were like oh yeah, my roommate told me when I complained to them, you responded to this really nicely though! WHICH folks LET ME TELL YOU made me angrier lol Like you found out you were wrong and didn't even come back to edit/delete/apologize for your comment???

Anyway after that I internalized that you don't know what kind of lived experience your commenters have so some comments should be taken with a grain of salt. Which is a double-edged sword bc sometimes I get really nice enthusiastic comments and read it like, okay but what if this person is 12 and read it at 2am in a fit of delirium and this is their first fic ever and it's actually not as good as they think haha

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I doooo. I haven't published any since I wrote for spn but I have a parkner pwp ready to go as soon as I muster up the nerve.

I have no idea how to interpret the question "what kind" lol uhhh the hot kind? pffft

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have but I never published them. Again, these were for spn which is hella fun to play with merging into other canon. I started but never finished spn crossovers with Firefly, The 100, The Hunger Games, Criminal Minds, Agents of Shield, and Teen Wolf. I think that's all of them. I've been thinking about putting all of my abandoned wips on AO3 for archive purposes, but idk still noodling on it. I wish there way a way I could elect to post without notifying my subscribers :/ Or at least send them a message warning them that I'm about to be incredibly annoying

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of 🙃

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!! A few now! The ultimate kudo in my opinion, and one I never expected <3

The wonderful @bluettspetal has translated An Insignificant Problem, Undercover? I thought you said under covers..., and Completely and utterly devoid of sex appeal into Russian with plans to translate more.

And Faaayeee42 on AO3 translated Paradise (spread out with a butter knife) to Mandarin Chinese.

I'm forever blown away by this.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! Done some brainstorming a few times but nothing that has evolved into actually writing out a shared thing. Not sure I'd be any good at it tbh. I'd probably be a very frustrating writing partner.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Peter Parker/Harley Keener. They're good boys.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

My Infinity War time travel fix it (make it worse) fic 😔 It's got so much potential but it is perpetually at the bottom of the to-do list.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and developing relationships

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

mother fucking action sequences and like, coming up with The Plan (the evil kind and the ones to take down the evil kind)

This silly little graphic I made for You're Freaking Out where Harley mocks The Plan made by the spider dumplin gang was initially one half of my brain negging the other half about being shit at making Plans and I decided that it might as well manifest as the characters lmao

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Eh. It's fanfiction, you know? Do what you want. Experiment. Try your best to do it justice. Accept that some people are going to let their eyes blur and skim over it while others will pick it apart but most will exist somewhere in the middle. Just write what you want to write, how you want to write it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

*sigh* Harry Potter. Looking forward to my own post getting gobbled up by my block list lmao

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Goodness gracious how do I even decide? I think Peaches Ain't Pretty is my favorite. It's the fic that showed me beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can step outside of fanfiction and write whatever I want and be just as satisfied, if not more.

[freddie-77-ao3]

Ok for the ask thingy with 100 questions:

6. What’s your lucky number?

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Then for the ask thingy with 50 questions:

4. do you like your name?  is there another name you think would fit you better?

19. which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle?

YAY!! love these ask things so much seriously yall don't even know (i love every ask as well but some of them take a lot of time to work on so i can get them to where they need to beeeee-- still love them) (seriously give me more asks i love them)

(link to first post, link to second post)

What’s your lucky number?

2, 7, and 14.

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

UH. So. that's a great question. If we count old ones I've just not gotten rid of it's way more (like. just old shoes is 7 pairs? three old running shoes, two pairs of winter boots, a pair of nice shoes, and a pair of flip-flops), but not counting that, 4 pairs. Two pairs of running shoes, one pair of nice shoes, and one pair of winter boots.

Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

No...t technically. I have been questioned by the police and basically told to get out though (long story, I wasn't actually doing anything illegal)

do you like your name?  is there another name you think would fit you better?

Eh. Names are names. ultimately, I don't think any of them particularly matter? like they're just names.

which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle?

I've always been Ravenclaw primarily, but have gotten one or two odd slytherin results. I'd be a muggle though.

[seven-pillows]

hi woow i have a lego ask if u feel like answering one: which lego sets do u have and what are ur faves if any? and what other sets do u want to get besides the pegasus? the unicorn is soo cuute btw!!

hi yay thank you for giving me an opportunity to yap 😈 putting all this below the cut because i couldn't help myself. here are all the sets i own in the order i got them + my thoughts on them

1) 10281 Bonsai Tree

this was given to me for my birthday last year! i think this set has become an instant classic, it's such a nice looking display piece. i put it on the windowsill in my staircase which was very silly because when it gets knocked over, those loose studs go EVERYWHERE 😭

2) 31140 3-in-1 Magical Unicorn

this is my favourite set ever i love it so much! i impulse bought it in a bookshop one day because it has a seahorse and is rainbow, two of my favourite things. i've definitely gotten my money's worth with how many times i've built and rebuilt the different models. plus, on Rebrickable, there are so many custom models people have made out of these pieces! i've turned it into a rhino, a boat and a helicopter from other people's instructions. love that website.

fun fact, an hour or two after i bought this (this was before i even really started getting into lego) they released the first teaser for the Animal Crossing lego sets. the way i manifested that?

3) 21340 Tales of the Space Age

this was a christmas gift! i think it's really pretty and i love how you can change the constellation in the third one. that being said, it just feels a bit silly to have a set be so 2D like this? this could have been an art print.

4) 77050 Nook's Cranny & Rosie's House

i got this one in March! when the AC sets were announced i vowed to get all of them no matter what. i have not done this because they are very expensive for what they are and i don't love them as much as i wanted to... the minifigs are perfect but i think the way that everything is on its own little squircle base looks a bit messy. that being said, as someone who grew up loving Animal Crossing but never had any merch because it was still pretty niche, my inner child was very happy building this set :) i really enjoy how you can change the layout of the furniture in the house and all the individual outdoor pieces.

4a/4b) 30662 Maple's Pumpkin Garden and 30635 Beach Cleanup

these two little sets came for free with the previous one! the Animal Crossing one is cute, kinda whatever though. it's pretty much just an add-on to the main sets. love Maple ❤️

the Friends one though? i held off on building it so i could have it to cheer me up some day i was feeling low. when i finally did build it i fell in love with it! it's just really colourful and cutesy. my first job was actually litter picking by the seaside so it's so bizarre and coincidental that i ended up with this. i've attached this set beside Rosie's house to try and incorporate it into my little Animal Crossing town. i guess Aliya is the player? Pascal looks different though 🧐

i will say though that this set does feel very greenwashy. i follow some sea glass collectors on instagram and they're always finding lego bricks washed up on the shore... i can't really talk because i'm out here buying their products but i do feel a bit guilty sometimes. but also life is short and i'm just trying to be happy. idk. surprise ethical discourse 🤩

Sets I want

i've ordered a few more Animal Crossing sets, namely Dodo Airlines and the Town Hall, because i want to have a little Animal Crossing town (and also just so i could get that damn pegasus 😑). i am also really looking into Lego Friends because i think they have some beautiful and interesting buildings in that theme, and the commitment to inclusion and representation just feels really nice. but yeah. stay tuned for more unwise financial decisions

[legolasghosty]

20 Questions for Writers

Aaaaaa thanks @1mnobodywhoareyou for the tag!!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

26

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

62,578

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Julie and the Phantoms mainly, though I have a single Harry Potter fic I wrote for a friend, one Lockwood & Co ficlet floating around Tumblr somewhere, and a couple of Red White and Royal Blue ideas/wips that may end up on something someday.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Maybe You Can't But That's Why I'm Here (90)

Your Colors Show Me Your History (81)

It's New, It Looks Good On You (76)

I Shouldn't Keep Loving You (But I Like it When You Hold My Hand) (66)

I'll be Here, I'll Hold You Through It (64)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! I know I'm very behind on it though. It's on my list of things to catch up on in the next few weeks now that I'm done with school.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmmm I'm honestly not sure out of the ones I have posted. I know I have an older Bobby Angst fic that I didn't post that is probably the angstiest ending I've written, but out of ones I've put online... I'll be Here, I'll Hold You Through It maybe? It's not exactly angst, but it's lighter in the actual comfort than most of my angstier ones? Or Screw Your Family (You Have Us)?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh so many, I love a happy ending! I Know I Can Fall (Because You'll be there to Catch Me) is a lovely one with a cool happy ending I think! But really most of mine have happy or at least hopeful endings.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't really gotten any to my face so far. Yay for tiny fandom where people are mostly nice!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I haven't up to this point, no.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't really in the past, at least not anything I might consider posting, but I'm not opposed.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope :(

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes but not posted, @valiantlyweepingdreamer and I have a longrunning soulmate AU we started together a couple of years ago, and there's been a couple of other little things I've helped friends write.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Either Percy/Annabeth from PJO or Willie/Alex from JatP! I love the both of them with my entire soul!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Besides the aforementioned soulmate AU, uhhh... oh I have this old idea for a JatP Camp Halfblood/PJO AU that I started but I don't think I have a solid enough grasp on where I want it to go to finish it :(((

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have been told I'm good at writing feels and softness?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Angst, super long ideas, and dialogue can be hard sometimes for me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Theoretically cool, but I would absolutely not do it beyond like using a pet name in another language unless I had someone else who actually spoke that language to help me. I've seen too many badly translated bits in books and fics to feel comfortable with that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Julie and the Phantoms

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Oh gosh... I'll go with Maybe You Can't, But That's Why I'm Here, because it was just pure projection, but it was the first thing I ever posted and people were so sweet about it, so it holds a special place in my heart!

Okay no pressure tagging @linden-after-hours, @fandomscraziness22, @keepingthepeaceinouterspace, and anyone else who wants to play!

[sleepis4theweak]

FLASHBACK AU QUESTIONS, YOU SAY? FLASHBACK AU QUESTIONS YOU SHALL RECEIVE (Or at least somewhat related to the au questions...)!!

How did you originally come up with the story? Have you planned it out? Have you made any changes since you first thought of it?

What's your fav Mikey dynamic? Do you think it shows in the comic? My personal fav is PB & J duo :>>

Who's your least favorite character in the comic to draw?

Who's your favorite character to draw?

Where did Madame Bishop (I forgot her name- she had one didn't she?..was it Joanne? MAN I HAVE AMNESIA) get that scar from?

IS... IS MIKEY GONNA STAY DEAD...? 😰

Can we have a sneak peek by any chance? :3

What do you think Madame Bishop (...yeah might be Joanne...) would have been like in the doomed timeline?

ALRIGHT THAT'S ALL I CAN THINK OF, I'LL LEAVE YOU OFF WITH A PUN : Have you heard of the theory that no two people see color the same? I guess that would mean color is just a pigment of our imagination 🤔

YAYYAYAYAYYA THANK YOU I GOT VERY EXCITED TO ANSWER THESE YAY!

ANYWHO LONG ANSWERS BUT:

1- This was honestly supposed to be a two part comic. The entire au is based off of experiences I have had (minus the whole dying part of course) with my cousins and or brother. The first part was about Donnie and Mikey- and Mikey having the puppy dog eyes that Donnie couldn't do. That was about my cousin! It was supposed to just be like oh look Mikey can do puppy eyes. And then I saw something about how kids that struggle with understanding emotions can practice expressions in the mirror sometimes* and was like haha I should add this since it's actually something I used to do as well! THEN I wrote the line about him wanting to be the youngest and I mean... my brain went straight to "now what if Mikey dies"...

I didn't expect people to like it as much as they did tbh... so when people started to really comment on it I was like okay I should bring Mikey back to life... But then it turned into a whole au...

It's almost entirely planned out now! And most comics are still based off of stories of things that have happened with my cousins or brother! (Like how I smashed my cousins legos because I was angry at him.... its a long story lol).

*(It can also be something that kids with autism do... and someone actually pointed it out! ->)

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2- Thats a really hard one... I think my fav has to do with the situation I guess? Or how I'm feeling? But Donnie and Mikey are probably my favorite overall! But only by a teensy tiny bit.

Raph and Mikey are my favorite angst wise, and the ones I can relate to the most. Leo and Mikey are really fun, and I really like using it to explore responsibility.

I think it does show in the comic! I mean I went straight to the PB & J duo- and then with Leo and Mikey I really explored responsibility. With Raph and Mikey it was shorter, but it was a lot more emotional for me personally. And right now Raph and Mikey are really getting the spotlight. Though Leo and Mikey are the main ones in the next update! :)

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3- DONNIE. OMFG DONNIE IS SO RECTANGULAR AND ITS TERRIBLE. ITS WHY HE'S HANGING HALF IN HALF OUT OF A LOT OF FRAMES BECAUSE I HATE DRAWING HIM. I've definitely gotten better at him tho! Example for u ->

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4- I think Leo is the easiest to draw, with Mikey coming in second! My favorite to draw though is definitely Mikey. I like his mask tails :) Also he's my favorite in general hehehe

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5- LMAO I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THE NAME JOANNE CAME FROM IM LAUGHING SO HARD- THATS HER CANNON NAME NOW. ITS CANNON HER NAME IS DR. JOANNE BISHOP.

She got that scar from an experiment! Idk which one... but she was experimenting on something and it freaked and scratched her! :3

It isn't too important to the story, but it may add some depth/explanation to some of her reactions later on.

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6- ... lemme tell you, I have gotten this ask so many times... BUT CONGRATS I WONT DELETE THE ASK THIS TIME JUST FOR YOU <3

Usually I answer the ask, wait until I'm sure the person sending it saw my response and delete it to keep the mystery alive hehe... but I won't delete this one.

No. Mikey is not gonna stay dead. I mentioned it in the first one, but the comic was supposed to end with him maybe dead maybe not... but since the au is continuing... I don't like it when characters die :( Its sad so he was never gonna be actually dead. So yes, he will come back! Its just gonna take a bit...

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7- YOU MAY! I was considering which spoiler to give you... but I've decided to give you a big spoiler... just cropped. :) Because I'm evil like that :))

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8- Hmmm.... idk to be honest, I haven't thought about it... I think she would be just... even crazier. Like batshit insane.

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THAT PUN MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD- THANK YOU FOR THAT AND THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK IT MADE MY DAY <3

[minmin-pal]

you don't have to send a reply or even an answer really, i know it's close to the time so please feel free to ignore this and give yourself some time or just do something else you'd like other than answering a tumblr ask lmao/lh/gen

welcome back to custard/mikey/mustard/🍮 speedrunning asks in 2 hours go!

'Trying to become happy by doing assassinations' caught me off guard but yay I've already properly fixed and added the stuff you said to my watch guide, i appreciate the 'using the wrong pronouns for extra concealing' lol, ty jjba veteran for ur wisdom :pray: /gen

i've gotten so used to expecting them to come back too lol, but yes alright, thank you for the advice :D maybe i can somehow make it thru jjba with even a quarter of my feelings intact? (I'm not confident in that either ::/j/lh)

and woah I'm glad you were able to enjoy naruto! and yeah truee the possessed fox mode(?) thing always looked so cool and reminding is understandable lol, and now that you mention it he really would've been that one friend everyone would have in elem lmao. his cheery, rebellious to teachers and pulls pranks, he definitely would've been a popular kid or something during elem (is elem the same as primary school? ;;)

ngl i'd maybe say the reason gaara was more appealing than sasuke is maybe he was actually a nice character?/lh also younger gaara was very adorable to watch but yeah sasuke was just being a tad bit of an asshat lol

and ohh, people's opinions on tsunade is often positive leaning but it's neat to hear your thoughts on jiraiya and orochimaru are often like switched, if that makes sense? it's fun to see other opinions finally exist lmao, jiraiya was weird as heck but he had that character appeal going on somehow lol/pos

the 'hercules-corona borealis great wall' new term i never knew existed, ty for this brain food :pray:

and ah, somehow that single image you inserted of the dude drawn in the first style explains it (art looks nice though, muscles so cool omg/lh/pos)

I'm getting the same feeling that aot will end in the same-ish manner that killer in love did, just completely turn everything on the viewers heads and make us all feel emotionally exposed or smth lol, i'm gonna have to put on some protective gear before restarting the anime ;;

oh wait there's a csm part 2? I haven't heard much about it though it makes sense if his still working on it, and yep csm has already been added to my to-read list and csm2 is joining >:)

oyasumi punpun sounds very cute, i will be checking that out now, i need to feel feelings again after speedrunning killer in love lol/hj/lh

"boy's abyss" added to the collection (i will actually finish this list I swear lmao/gen) help naur "you didn't dislike kokoa, and that's really telling of you as a person" had me worried if it was bad for a few seconds TT/lh

and yeah I'm really glad they made her kinda of a victim too, really pulled the story together especially in the 'backstory leading to her walking off into the distance' ending (and yeah don't worry about any of it being too short or anything, it's understandable so pls don't strain urself :D/lh)

oh yeah, seeing a character make the same decisions or do the same thing as you and it's being shown/viewed(?) as a bad thing, is definitely an eye-opener moment

i don't know all the details and this might seem unwarranted but you were both human and I'm sorry they left you so suddenly (i'm not trying to come as all like- dunno pompous or anything i swear ;;) not trying to argue since it might've been the healthy decision for them and i can respect that, i'm sorry you had to be left alone so suddenly though/gen (i hope this didn't come off badly ;;/lh)

we're speedruninngg :run:

and yay, yeah i really did it like it, thank you again for getting me to read it/gen the wholw story and it's art in general was very lovely:]<3

(mustard is my new, nEW name that will appear on my birth certificate lmao, also how did i not think of that sooner it was literally staring me in the face lol)

i'm answering the first of the 'thank you and nice to meet you' post thing and i reached where you said you were physically running out of time and i am also running out of time physically, the irony is making me cackle lol/hj/lh

it makes me a bit sad too, but i'm really glad i did meet you (as much as meeting you counts to stumbling across your blog?) i might not have said this enough times, but reading you rant off on random tangents and just talking about silly random stuff that you liked and things that mattered to you was genuinely a very fun experience that i won't be forgetting./gen

mayb the afterlife or void or whatever turns out to be meeting you there, does have wifi, i mean you can never be too sure right lmao? I can imagine it might just be 2 bars or something tho lol/lh

bye bye to you too min, and yeah no worries, the end poem has a special place for me so i don't consider it corny at all that you brought up, not gonna lie the first time i read your response seeing the response just made me bawl harder lol,

you like showing me stuff and i like watching you show me stuff, it's very fun would reccomended:D/lh reccomended:D/lh

don't be sorry, you don't need to be/lh/gen

thank you for that, (am i allowed to save it?/genq/nf) making you tear up was the goal muahaha >:)/hj/lh

even if it's not new, i stand by "all min art is good art", thank you. genuinely for everything min. this has been a very nice few 47(?) days of knowing you and i'll always check back on here, i know you said promises don't count to dead people, but welp unfortunately one of us will still be alive and chilling so that promise is gonna get fulfilled >:) my evil masterplan all along, it's gonna take you so long to scroll down thru my jjba review part 1 ask with the shitty wifi in the afterlife/again, whichever ends up waiting

i'll take care of little dustball min >:) could go to a cat cafe, i heard you liked cats./lh

It nice meeting you min, thank you for everything genuinely, it's been nice.

love you stranger :D

gonna go offline permanently in 5 mins (plus i will be deleting a lot of posts- just cus i dont want to be known for some of these) so i cant go too indepth

im really happy we spoke. i sometimes would worry that people who found me off my more. sad stuff would never know me much and im happy u let me . not be so depressing and let me rant about fuckin g jojos bizarre adventure to you

thanks mustard custard mikey and see u in the next ecosystem