#i think this is a good thing im finally at a point in my journey where my photos look good pre edit and i think i've been trying to reach

[solarismp3]

i think i have finally reached a point in my photography where i don't need too edit my photos in order to feel like i like them or they look good. i spent so much time trying to find a good way to edit this photo and make it look more interesting but i already like the original

[cayleeuhithinknott]

exhausted was an understatement. you were absolutely drained. you’d been up on your feet waiting tables since the sun practically rose until now—9pm.

and on top of all this, you still had to clean up your apartment, make a dish for your family reunion tomorrow, and go to the grocery store. it’d been an exasperatingly long day, and it was about to get even worse.

to add to it, you hadn’t seen matt in 3 days. you’ve both been so busy and you so tired, so there was never really time. you’d both agreed you probably weren’t hanging out tonight, either. so with that being said, when you’d finally sat down for 15 minutes before you’d planned to go to the store for groceries, all you could think about was matt. so, of course, you shot him a text. but, of course, your apartment’s cell service sucked, so you had to text him on snapchat as if you were 13 years old.

you

im so insanely tired today was way too much

i think my legs are going to melt away

you hit send with sigh. of course, you get an immediate response.

matt🤬(💞)

is my angel tired :(

do you want me to come over baby?

you

i dont wanna bother you

matt🤬(💞)

never.

be there in 10

you

i love you ☹️

matt🤬(💞)

i love you angel

actually make that around 30 i gotta do something

weird.

you set your phone down, and began to relax some more, getting comfortable under the throw blanket. and as expected, around 30 minutes went by before you heard someone unlocking your door and stepping in. it was matt, of course.

“hey, baby” matt said, kicking the door shut behind him and setting something down on your kitchen counter. you turn around to say hello, only to notice the tons of grocery bags sitting on the counter in front of him. he’d gone to the store for you.

“matt…you didn’t…” you say, getting up from the couch and making your way over to him. you weren’t the greatest at accepting help, and matt knew that. but he was never the type of person to not help you out when you clearly needed it.

“do what?” he asks, feigning obliviousness.

“go to the store! publix! they’re so expensive, matt.” you reply, gesturing to the publix bags filled to the brim.

matt laughs. laughs.

“i know you’re pretty tired, angel. but, i’d never let you go shoppin’ with your legs about to give out.” he teases, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

“well…how much were they?” you ask, feeling guilt settle in. matt hums, glancing in the bags. “probably like…95 bucks.” he answers, turning his gaze back to you. your eyes widen. half the time you would deny him spending even 20 dollars on you, let alone 95.

“oh gosh…hold on, let me go get some cash to pay you back-“ you set off to your room to grab your wallet from your purse. yet, as soon as your journey started, it was ended by matt grabbing your wrist and pulling you back over to him.

“absolutely not, angel. you don’t need to worry about that.”

“but-“

“no buts.” he gently presses a finger to your lips, shutting you up. you sigh in defeat. “good girl.” he murmurs with a soft smile, ruffling your hair.

but, you’ve gotta stand your ground somehow.

“i’m paying you back at some point!” you cross your arms. you notice ingredients for mac and cheese in the bags. matt knew you always made it for family events.

he shook his head, his hand moving to your shoulder and rubbing it. “no, you’re really not.” he protests. “but, what you are gonna do is go sit your pretty little ass on the couch while i cook up this mac and cheese.”

“what?”

“you have a family reunion tomorrow, no? you always make mac and cheese. it’s my turn. so go on and relax.”

God, you loved this man.

cutie little blurb cause im lazy 🤩 hope you enjoyed sweet soft bf matt causeeee i have some silly things cooking for him and chris!!!! yayyyyyyyyy

love u and remember to love urself💞

[andreainlove]

hello. this will probably be my last post, because im thinking of not visiting tumblr everyday like it's my "home". don't know for how many months I'll be out...

uhh to be specific, i joined tumblr to completely ignore a rough phase of my life, and you could say that now, it's over. thank you to those people who helped me in the process: @kafkaspupil @msperfectlydamaged @miserable-individual @shady-dior @bluesuitcrusade @yangthejeong @vennieeee you might not know how you helped, but trust me, you guys did what "friends" from my real life couldn't do, healing something that you didnt break. thank you to those people whose blogs i obsessively stalked (it gave me extreme pleasure fr). thank you to all of you who appreciated my drawing/that one part of the song cover.

as this might be the end of my journey over here so i would like to explain what few of my hashtags meant:

#fucking remember this: this was a surge of realisations that i had written down over the whole year of 2024, which i posted on the last day.

#rebel with no cause: this was about her or the things which reminded me of her. even though i was here for a purpose, which was to not think of her, in the middle of the night there were lingering thoughts. this is nothing deep but well, i thought of this name for her as according to me whenever we argued in the past it was over pointless things which didn't need any serious arguing.

#andreainlove: posts which define the irl me sometimes

#fucking warrior: things which had engulfed me but i had the courage to get out of the loophole. this also includes posts where i stopped thinking about her, so ig that makes me a fucking warrior?

which brings me to my next point: why the name andrea?

• Andrea, a unisex name which means "manly" or "brave". i guess i just wanted to be really brave like a warrior who has nothing to lose. and now i can finally say that i did live upto the name i had chosen. haha.

I've decided to not delete this blog because, it holds memories that i wouldn't want to forget... the memory of love, the memory of healing through the process, the memory of her. i found this website exactly on the right fucking time when i needed it the most. i could speak my mind and know that there's someone out there who would not horribly judge and criticize my thoughts or wishes. this was a safe place for me where i could put up my impulsive thoughts without thinking twice.

tumblr felt like a warm hug which lasted for more than a year.

i'm grateful that i was able to reach the right side of tumblr which had no hate asks, but i guess too much of anything is not good. i would be online for the next 2 hours after which I'll permanently logout. (yeah no kidding, can you believe it?)

it was lovely getting a glimpse of the good side of humanity. soooo.... locking in with a total of 953 followers today, 11.04.2025 at 10:41pm.

adios!

[diorctrl]

MUSIC BANK HOST : idol!enha x idol! reader

𓂂 ˳ enhypen maknae line genre: idol au, fluff, different scenarios warnings: intentional lower case, hyung line

kim seonwoo ( 김선우 )

୨୧ 𓂂 ˳ you’re apart of formis_9, you’re also sunghoon’s little sister. you’re the youngest of formis and it’s been a known thing that you have crush on sunoo but everyone just brushed it off as the “little sister having a crush on big brothers friend.” thing but NO you were sure that you were going to marry this man but he never payed you much mind but he obviously knew about your little(HUGE) crush on him every one knew so he wasn’t fazed when he was told that he would be your mc partner, he would just have to do his normal routine of completely ignoring your advances but this time it was different.

“sunoo oppa..” yn trails off looking up at the older boy, he looks at you confused because it was obvious that you were going off script, “you look handsome today, you always look handsome but you look extra handsome today.” she flirts leaning close to him, sunoo’s face heated up slightly because you’ve never been this bold before but the only that he could do was flirt back so it doesn’t throw the mood off and from that day it became your dynamic when you were mcing, you guys would flirt like crazy in front of the camera to the point that it seeping into your regular lifestyle to the point that sunoo has been wondering if he should finally give you a chance (HE DID!)

yang jungwon ( 양정원 )

୨୧ 𓂂 ˳ you’re apart of new jeans, and just like jungwon you were on the younger side but was you were the leader of the group. with that in thought jungwon had immediately taken a liking towards you even though you’ve never interacted but he was interested in you because you both had something in common (+ you were insanely pretty in his opinion) but with you guys never interacting jungwon was shocked when he found that you yourself personally asked for him to fill in for your mc partner that would be away because in his mind you didn’t even know he existed but little did he know…

“you did so good today!” you exclaimed smiling big at jungwon as you guys wrapped up filming, your smile made his heart flutter a little and he smiled softly at you and thank you. “I knew you would do good, that’s why chose you.” you said, making pride grow in his chest, “really?” he asked. “yeah, you’re my bias in enhypen,” you say nudging him causing jungwon’s face to heat up, “and you are pretty cute as well..” jungwo felt like he was on fire, “you think im cute?” he asks like it’s the most unbelievable thing in the world. “yeah,” you said with a nonchalant shrug, “and I also would like to hand out with you more.”

oh how lucky was he.

nishimura riki ( 西村リキ )

୨୧ 𓂂 ˳ you’re apart of baby monster , riki was first introduced to you through the introduction that yg posted for the series of the groups journey, he immediately took a liking towards you and your dancing it was obvious that you were going to be his bias if you debut with the group, he routed for you secretly the whole time and his members never mentioned the new group that was being formed so he thought he was the only one that knew about you untill he heard jake on the phone with someone who sounded awfully like you and riki being the curious person that he was asked the older member who he was talking to and his mouth dropped when jake said that he was talking to his cousin about the new episode that yg uploaded. riki couldn’t believe it yn was jakes cousin and if there’s one thing he knew is that he had to use that to his advantage to get to you and he definitely did by stealing your number from Jake’s phone and texting you a weird pick up line and one thing lead to another and BOOM you’re his girlfriend. one thing that shocked the work is how fast you got an mc job after debut and that yg actually let you be an mc for music bank just a few weeks after debut and you were soooo popular which meant you were on high demand, everyone wanted a piece of the new it girl and riki had to sit there at watch.

riki scowled at his screen as he watched some boy from a group flirt with you as you interviewed them did they have no manners? oh how he wanted to just jump through the screen and cause havoc. “hey!” he jumped when his door opened to reveal you walking over to his bed in more comfortable clothes from the ones you were wearing this morning, he took a look at you before turning around burying his head in his pillow not even looking up when he felt the weight in of you laying on his back, “what’s wrong?” you asked putting your chin on his shoulder, he only responded with a muffled nothing. “Come on I know something is wrong.” you say making it known that you’re not going to give up making riki let out a sigh, “I don’t like how these guys are acting towards you, flirting with you as if you have a boyfriend.” he says frowning when you let out a small giggle, “oh, so you’re jealous?” “I’m not- yeah I am.” his response makes you laugh even more, “riki, you don’t have to worry about those boys, all I care about is you.” “really?” “really.” you respond softly causing a smile to break onto his face, “now come on let’s go get food.”

[penny-anna]

travelling home after christmas today

checking my tickets this morning to make sure everything is in order. realise i somehow booked a 2-stage journey with a change at Doncaster rather than a direct ticket.

aw fuck. :(

report this to my sister who suggests trains might not be running as usual. assure her that it's definitely my fault

arrive at station. my train is at 13:03. there is also a direct Edinburgh train at 13:00. longingly watch the direct train depart. :(

my train is somehow running 5 minutes late in spite of starting at King's Cross?? wym you're running late. you haven't been anywhere.

anyway this is a problem bcos i only have 11 minutes to change at Doncaster.

train also doesn't start boarding until maybe 2 minutes before scheduled departure. there are around 200 people trying to board. we are not leaving at 13:08.

finally leave at around quarter past. yeah i am not making this connection. i didn't have a seat reserved so no great loss.

notice that the app now says my connecting train is delayed due to 'overcrowding'. ehh i don't think i want to get that train anyway.

the connecting train isn't delayed enough for my to catch it. phew, i think, bullet dodged!!

the next train to Edinburgh arrives. it was also delayed leaving Kings Cross for the same unclear reasons as my original train. it's booked solid but the screen says there are seats available in coach C so off i go.

attempt to board the train. the vestibule is so full of people that im honestly not sure i can fit.

manage to fit. oh fuck. oh this is not a good train to be on.

various people are scouting out coach C in seach of seats and come back without. decide to make a trip myself as they were a couple and i'm a lone traveller so might have more success.

i have my big rucksack on + an extra bag so im just barging my way through there. there's people standing in the aisle. way unpassable.

return to the vestibule.

someone has left a very large buggy in the vestibule, unfolded, seemingly abandoned, unbelievably in the way.

someone suggests that we could fold the buggy. everyone agrees this is a good idea but no-one is the buggy's owner.

i ask if anyone knows who the buggy belongs to and someone points to a woman halfway down the carriage, beyond a bunch more standing people.

people are needing to get through to the bathroom. attempt to put myself on the other side of the buggy to clear a path. almost get stuck bcos w all my bags i am just so so large.

manage to get to the other side of the buggy and take off my backpack so i'm not taking up so much space. add my backpack to the luggage piled in front of the luggage rack.

someone returns from the adjoining vestibule with news of more space for luggage, suggests we move the buggy

collectively manage to get the buggy's owner over. she tells us she is travelling alone with 5 children. now feel kind of bad about being annoyed by the buggy.

buggy is too wide to go to the next vestibule without being folded. she say she can't fold it because it's got bags in it and there's nowhere to put the bags.

it's pointed out that she can put the bags in the other luggage rack where there is (apparently) more space. the buggy is removed and we all have space to actually move around.

my rucksack is at constant risk of fallling off the luggage pile and it's on the other side of the carriage door so not much i can do. another passenger is kindly keeping it in place for me.

also a problem w standing on long haul trains is that they are just not designed for it so there's nowhere to hold on and i almost fall into people several times.

okay we are coming up on York. maybe, i think optimistically, a bunch of people will get off at York (it's a big station) and things will improve

ohh god things do not improve

more people pile into the vestibule including a couple with a very large suitcase and a baby

suitcase has nowhere to go except the middle of the corridor. couple debate whether they should just get off the train and find alternative transport. woman says (reasonably) that she doesn't want to stand holding the baby for 3 hours to Edinburgh.

before they can come to a conclusion the train leaves

predictably the vestibule is now home to a crying baby

a man comes out of the coach w a bag from the buffet service. asks politely if he can get through so he can go back to his seat.

oh we are SO sorry but you are going to be here a while :(

manage to get my rucksack properly onto the luggage rack :)

after a while the man w the buffet car bag says that at the next station he's going to get off the train and back on at the next entrance in hope of getting back to his seat

we wish him godspeed. he gets off the train. never see him again. i hope he made it.

we are now not far from Durham. very large man w a very large bag comes through, smacks everyone with his bag, and then almost dislodges my backpack taking his suitcase out from underneath it

announces confidently which side the train doors will open on.

ok we have a shot here. on my previous recce i noticed a whole group of seats marked reserved to Durham. tell myself that i must act swiftly and decisively when we get to Durham.

by this point im having significant foot pains from too much train standing.

we arrive at Durham. the big group mentioned leaves and then a reshuffle commences

family of 5 kids mentioned previously (remember them??) are moving to take over the vacated table. observing events it looks like there's going to be 1 free seat left.

there's 2 people closer to the seat and i can't just barge past them BUT they are together. ask if one of them wants the seat.

they do not want the seat!!

move swiftly & decisively to take the seat.

it is covered and i mean covered in popcorn but i will take what i can get at this stage.

from beneath the seats me and some other helpul passengers retrieve a dropped pair of gloves, a hat and a toy Sonic the Hedgehog which we return to their owners.

finally sit.

take off coat put in eye drops begin drinking delicious 7up i've been carrying since kings cross etc.

at the next stop the person in the other seat leaves and am joined by another of the group from the vestibule. we sit and quietly read our books :3

[c0unt3rc0m84t]

Okay so Thunderbolts came out. Spoilers ahead and potential trigger warnings. Reader discretion advised

Trigger warning SH

Yelena is perfect. That is all.

In all seriousness I've seen a lot of people talking about this and some had good to say and some not so good. I needed this movie. I think a lot of people needed this movie. As someone diagnosed bipolar and borderline, a lot of things hit. Watching a marvel movie with the big fight being with someone who was deep in the darkness and everyone reaching out to save him was beautiful. The thing that got me the most though was the self harm and self destructive parts. Hearing Yelena the entire movie struggle with direction and watching 3 times as she walks a tightrope with death hurt. The opening took me out. That felt personal. The way she just accepted they were going to be incinerated also hurt. Finally her just walking into the void (which idk if im weird but I still don't really feel like she knew there was a way out or way to save him) just fucking hurt. It all hurt but to actually see someone who I relate to like Yelena just openly express how much she wants to give in was kind of cathartic. Watching her protect her younger self was cathartic. Hearing Alexei (who I've expressed having a lot of anger towards because of the beginning of Black Widow) tell her how pure he sees her and how much he loves her and is trying to be there even though he is a fuckup was cathartic. I've been alone a lot of my life and to see her journey was so beautiful to me.

Yeah there are still some problems. We didn't see Bucky or Alexei or Ava's void dreams and it sucks. I think we have seen enough of Bucky but it would have been cool for him to look the Winter Soldier in the face and confront it even for a second. I dont know if there's much for Ava honestly we know about her past a decent amount. The one that bugs me is Alexei. We don't know really anything about his past or how he became Red Guardian and I wish we had gotten some of that but I think the movie worked without it. It definitely felt Yelena, Bob and Bucky centric and I hope the next one will expand on the others if we get another (probably).

What I really enjoyed though is how the real antagonist wasn't Bob or even Void. The real antagonist was (obviously their own traumas but) Valentina. Having the big antagonist be someone who's just a manipulator for the trauma movie kinda hit. Val sent all of them to kill each other and they became a team instead. I think many people have had situations where a manipulator pointed them at someone and then you become friends with that person and realize the manipulator was manipulating (that felt english). The fact Valentina made him his "best self" and tried to make him obedient to her just to try to kill him when he turned is contrasted with him trying to kill the team at his darkest and they showed him compassion and understanding and empathy and helped him heal the wounds instead of just putting an image over him was amazing. Yeah it felt a little cheesy at times and the conflict being solved with a hug is definitely cheesy but I loved it anyway. It came down to a bunch of antisocials finding others like them and becoming a team.

Honestly I understood why Walker was how he was in FatWS but this movie while not giving him as much as I wish it could have did a good job at showing that he's a soldier first (perhaps a trigger happy one). He doesn't act like a person that much but I think its nice to have kept that as something he finds comfort in. While Yelena was comforting herself and masking with sarcasm for some humor and Alexei masked with being grandiose, John was kind of masking with his soldier roots. I think it was intentional to show how important being a soldier was to him. He lost being Cap and was kicked out of service but he "gave his life for their mandates".

Ghost didn't get much and I think that's a bummer but also to our knowledge her biggest trauma is the fact she could die at any moment because of her intangibility (understandable). I think for her she was just happy to have connection with people. She only had Bill Foster in Antman so I think she needed friends. I hope we learn more and get more depth for her going forward because she's cool and yeah.

I will say I wish Bucky got to do more. Like yes he had some badass fight scenes and was a mood grumpy old cat man style but if they were going to do mental health than I think Bucky should have been the one to help them heal more. I think Alexei was good for Yelena to heal, but Buckys arc in FatWS was learning to heal. My biggest complaint in this was him being reverted back to being grumpy and depressed when he was so happy at the end of FatWS. Him going back felt like a regression. I do think its interesting he's helping Yelena call the shots and clearly I love Yelena but I think where Bucky is he should be the one leading. If he goes out in Secret War or Doomsday I think that's when Yelena should have taken over. Personally I think Yelena needs a bit more time although I do enjoy how they're pushing her to the forefront currently.

Bob was adorable and it'll be interesting to see where he'll go. I dont have much to say honestly he felt like a plot device with some character to me. I think it'll be interesting to see how he fits in with the rest of them with his status at the end.

Taskmaster I think should have gotten a bit of time. I think they could have given us a bit of depth to her and then if they still wanted to kill her do it then but make us feel a bit more for her. That also would have made her death have more of an impact. That's like the other ball I felt was dropped. She deserved better and I think they catered a little too hard to the haters of Antonia in this one. Anyways that's my thoughts on it. Thank you for reading.

[lovebvni]

Shifting Timeframe? Pick A Pile

Welcome back to my bi-weekly pick a piles!! I was compelled by spirit to do a timeframe of when you will probably shift. Remember, general reading and YOU have the POWER to change it.

Also I've been seeing 325 a lot  - 3/25 is actually my birthday SOOO if anyone knows what that means please tell me!

Everything comes with a grain of salt, I will also have a shufflemancy going on in the background.

So, take a deep breath in...

Now out...

What emoji is your third eye telling you to pick?

🥚|🍭|🍬|🍶

pile 1 -- egg

A Month and a half, your day to shine.

Cards: Strength reversed, The Tower, Temperance, Knight of Cups

BESTIE OMG UR SO CLOSE TO SHIFTING WTF IM SO PROUD OF YOU, I KNOW ITS BEEN HARD BECAUSE OF THE TOWER CARD BUT I KNOW YOU'RE PUSHING THROUGH! You may feel vulnerable in some way, like you're not good enough? You are! You are the universe, you are the most powerful being EVER!! You should also take a quick 1-2 day break from shifting - this will also help you shifthere will also be someone coming in *possibly a friend, witch, or spiritual person* helping you out on this journey - they might be the one to give that final push.

Possible Personality Traits: Loving, giving, annoying {To yourself}, confident {On the outside}

Shufflemancy :

"Don't be afraid of heights 'cause we flyin'" - Rebels Call Me Karizma

"The time is upon you to show them what you can do and soon they will know that the day has COMEEE" - The Day - From Boku no Hero Academia, NateWantsToBattle

"I'm a little faded" - Slumber Party - Ashnikko

"It's exactly the same, they say 'why do you dress that way?' 'why do you act that way?' 'why aren't you just like me?" - Fire Drill - Melanie Martinez

Phrases, Numbers, Signs and more: 777, 666, Christmas, Bakugou, short tempered, Denki, Shinsou, shy, "You've got a friend in me", "Movie night!!", "Get in loser, we're going to the mall", "So you're obsessed?" Capricorn, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Taurus.

pile 2 -- lollipop

Within the next 48 hours, your dreams will come true.

(2 days to a week, actually)

Cards : 9 of Pentacles reversed, King of Pentacles reversed, 3 of Wands, The Fool reversed

OKAY FIRST OF ALL HOW LONG HAVE YALL BEEN SHIFTING I FEEL LIKE UR JUST A VERY SPIRITUAL PERSON!! But I feel like to get to that point you have to be less dependent on the things outside around you, and more on yourself. YOU'RE the one who can shift, the signs mean NOTHING if you don't take action. Do you abuse your power to shift in one way or another? Like start denying it exists JUST so The Universe will let you shift? Approach shifting like a timid animal in your backyard that's hurt. But yes, you definitely are shifting within the week. Your child-like wonder inspires me btw 

but keep your hopes up, you need more faith and hope that you will shift!

Possible Personality Traits: Softie on the inside, kind of shy?, risk taker, lover of music, goofy

Shufflemancy:

"Stupid boy think that I need him, I go cold like change the seasons, I go red hot like a demon, I go ghost for no damn reason, stupid boy think that I need him, stupid boy think that I need him." - Stupid - Ashinikko

"I'm not your friend, or anything damn, you think that you're the man, I think therefore I am" - Therefore I am - Billie Eilish

"You've got troubles, I've got em too, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you." - You've Got A Friend In Me - Cavetown

"We bark alot" - GOODMORNINGTOKYO! - TOKYO'S REVENGE

"We can fill it up with grass and all the things that make it warm. When you leave to go fly across the sea, I'll be waiting here with Junior and the flowers that we've grown." - Things That Make It Warm - Cavetown

"We might hotwire this old car to drive" - Everything Is Temporary (Sticks and Stones) - Cavetown

"Look like I'm going for a swim" - Chun-Li Nicki Minaj

Phrases, Numbers, Signs and more:  Denki Kaminari, "I'm failing all my classes omg", 444, "Hey, a frown won't get you anywhere - SMILE MORE!", calming music, study sessions, sexually active, dirty-minded, lack of physical affection, "Rough around the edges", Cavetown, Air Signs, any dominant sign tbh, "Have high hopes but low expectation", UA traitor, villian

pile 3 -- candy

44 Days, but It feels like years.

TW: DRUGS, SMOKING, ETC.

Cards : 8 of Pentacles, King of Cups reversed, 6 of Cups, The Hierophant

If you've read any of my other tarot readings you KNOWWW the hierophant makes me feel like I'm being choked, but before you shift you're going to realize something new, something new will come to you I suppose? So it will be a new beginning, then shift, it will probably be a new hobby or a job you like. And, like pile one, you will get good advice from a friend. I know some of you guys are like 'im not attracted to people in this reality' but you might be soon?? it's probably someone you knew in your past life or something. It may just be a friendship though. But the hierophant is just emphasizing what I just said, a good friend is going to give you advice.

Possible Personality Traits: ignored, quiet, lonely, friendly, smart, emotional

Shufflemancy:

"The worlds a little blurry, or maybe it's my eyes." - Ilomilo - Billie Eilish

"Maybe I'm too emotional, or maybe you never cared at alllll" - Good 4 U - Olivia Rodrigo

"I don't smoke, I just like how it smells" - Cigaratte Ahegao - Penelope Scott

Phrases, Numbers, Signs and more: Senpai/teacher, "You sure do cry a lot.", "You shouldn't care so much", watching youtube, hbu?, ignorant accidently, 666, 999, 69, st0ner, dr!nking, first time

pile 4 -- drink

Anywhere from to day to the 29th of this month

Cards : Queen of Wands, The Lovers, Judgement, Page of Cups

CLEARLY YOU'RE SHIFTING FOR SOMEONE WITH THE LOVERS CARD COMING OUT I MEAN SAME BESTIE, you don't know when you will shift, and you def look to higher spirits. Try some shadow work - your inner child needs healing. The universe sees you and how much you have bene struggling and working towards this, and it thanks you deeply. Your hard work is going to pay off soon!

Possible Personality Traits: Disappointed often, violent, gay, dramatic ASF, popular, two face, probably on medication, has been hurt physically, emotionally, or some other way

Shufflemancy :

"She moves on pretty BLOODY QUICK" - Your New Boyfriend - Wilber Soot

Literally any MHA song

"Baby hotline, please hold me close to you!" - Baby Hotline - Jack Stauber

"She said you were a hero, you played the part. But you ruined her in a year, don't act like it was hard. And you swear you didn't know,  I wonder why you didn't ask, she was sleeping in your clothes, but now she's got to get to class." - Your Power - Billie Eilish

I hope this pick - a pile resognated! I've been going through a lot this week and I don't know if my accuracy may have failed bc of the stress I'm experiencing but I'm so glad like NOBODY is shifting in a year+( like 2023) bc I know you all work SO HARD to shift.

[brandoscomet]

Hey, feel free to ignore this one if you want! Its a little specific. In short, its kind of a platonic Startdust Crusaders x reader type thing?

Jotaros younger sister is a powerful stand user who is part of the Stardust Crusaders, and bonds quickly with the others.

She is serious but sweet, intelligent but anxious, and exremely perceptive.

You can decide who would fit better for this : Kakyoin or Polnereff. But one night, shes telling him about her thoughts regarding her brother. How shes worried about how much he pushes and isolates himself. How she wants to be there for him and help him. How she knows he deeply cares for her and their mother, but wants him to feel comfortable enough to talk to her when he needs to, and honestly just secretly wants a closer relationship, but has no idea how to go about it. She knows if she tries to bring it up shes either gonna chicken out, or he would just dismiss or dodge the subject. Kak/Pol kind of gives her his thoughtss, a little bit of guidence, a few gentle words to try and help. And Jotaro overhears every word......

Again, no pressure to accept this one! Have a good weekend (also, did you hear the anime for JJBA Part 7 was oficialy announced today???)!

PART 7 I KNOW I KNOWWW AUGHHHH IM SK EXCITEDD!

ALSO! GOOD NEWS! I know I told y’all I’d be grounded, but I paid my own phone bill in its entirety rather than splitting it like I usually do this month, so my mom agreed to let me keep my phone despite everything. I’ll be back on a semi-regular uploading schedule!!!

This was a super cute request!! As an oldest sister of 5, I feel this, lol. Maybe I projected a little bit. Oops!

I picked Kak, because he’s more emotionally mature and intelligent than polnareff. I love the way that the fandom has accepted that Jotaro actually has deeper emotions ugh. I’m such a sucker for guys who feel.

————————————

(PLATONIC) Kakyoin (and Jotaro) x Jotaro’s sister!Reader

You sighed, plopping yourself down on the balcony outside of your hotel room. You let your weary muscles slack and sink into the plush-lined chair, taking in the smell and atmosphere of the night breeze.

You’d had a hard day that day, dealing with not one— but two stand attacks in the span of less than twelve hours. You and the rest of the team were beat. Finally, after hours of fighting tooth and nail to stay on the journey to save your mother, the battle was over. The Crusaders had checked into a hotel and decided it would be best to room you with your brother and Kakyoin, because they figured that that arrangement would mean the least amount of chaos for you.

It was late that night. Everyone in the other room was asleep already, and you were all in your pajamas and ready for sleep by that point.

But instead, basking in the moonlight on the balcony, you replayed that day’s events, recounting in your mind how your brother, the stoic and tough Jotaro, had flipped out on you and raised his voice at you when you unintentionally alerted one of the stand users to where you were. A frown pulled at the corners of your lips.

Lost in thought, you didn’t hear the sliding glass door open, or Kakyoin’s footsteps as he approached where you were sitting.

“Hey, Y/N.” He began. Upon seeing you pensive and lost in thought, though, concern seeped into his mind. “It’s unusual for you to be all by yourself like this. Is everything alright?”

You snapped back into reality, looking up at your magenta-haired friend. “Yeah, Kakyoin, sorry. I’m just— a little bugged.”

“Oh,” He replied. Although he was more emotionally intelligent than the rest of the group, he didn’t have any friends growing up, so he was hesitant and unsure when it came to providing emotional support. But he figured there was no better time to figure that out than right now.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He questioned. “Or would you rather me go back inside and leave you to think?”

“No, no. I need to get this out, I think. Jotaro’s frustrating me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother and all, but I just feel like he’s….. emotionally constipated. Does that make sense?”

Kakyoin chuckled a little, seating himself in the chair across from you. “Yeah, I see what you mean. What bothers you about that?” He asked.

You sighed, crossing your legs and resting your elbow on the arm of the chair, laying your head in your hand. “I’m worried about him. When he’s frustrated, or scared, or sad, or anything, he either lashes out verbally or completely shuts his emotions down. He isolates himself, and I just wish he’d be more open. I feel like he doesn’t trust me or something, even though I know that’s not the case. I don’t understand why he won’t talk to me.” You lamented, rambling a bit.

There was a pause, and Kakyoin thought for a second.

Then, “I think he’s just nervous.”

You tilted your head, lifting it out of your hand and laying your arm down flat, you sat straight up. “Huh?”

Kakyoin continued. “He’s your older brother. He’s the ‘tough guy’ of the group— the ‘tough guy’ of your family. Especially with your father out on trips all the time. He probably doesn’t want to let that down, you know what I mean?”

You squinted your eyes a bit, pondering on his words. “Go on….”

“He has to be the ‘man of the house’ with your dad on tour. He probably just wants to seem like he has everything under control. Like nothing can phase him. To ‘protect’ you and your mom, in a sense. He wants you two to think he has weaknesses, because that’d make you two worry about him. But he doesn’t think you and your mom should worry, he feels like all the worrying should be on him. It’s a complex a lot of older siblings have.” He explained.

The two of you sat in silence for a minute, thinking to yourselves together.

“Wow. Now that you mention that, it makes a lot of sense. I never thought our dad’s frequent absences really affected him, but I never considered that.” You said.

Kakyoin looked at you, his gaze softening. “Jotaro cares a lot about you, and a lot about your mom. He’d do anything to keep you two safe— I’ve seen it myself. I’m sure you know this already, but he loves you and your mom more than anything. You’re his family. No ‘tough guy’ persona could hide that.”

You turned your head away, looking down at the street below, thinking again. “So what do I do?”

Kakyoin looked at you, a puzzled expression on his face. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, how do I get him to be more open? To feel comfortable talking, to know that it’s okay to feel those things?”

“You tell him.” He said, shrugging. “There’s not really any other way to let him know. You just have to find the right moment.”

You hummed in agreement. “I just wish I didn’t have to, you know? I wish he just, like, knew. That it’s okay to have feelings and emotions other than anger and nonchalance.”

Kakyoin laughed again, a gentle sound. “Yeah. He seems to have a lot of stuff bottled up. He told me about some of it earlier, after the second attack.” He lowered his voice, his eyes shifting, his tone changing to something more sympathetic. “Don’t tell him I told you this, but he was really worried about you earlier. He felt bad about yelling at you. He just wants to keep you safe. He feels like you and his mom are all he really has, and he panics when you’re in danger. He just doesn’t know how to express that aside from getting upset.”

Upon hearing that, you felt bad. You had been angry at Jotaro for being mad at you, but he really just wanted to show you he cared. You let out a groan. “Uugghh, Kakyoin, I feel so stupid now. It’s so obvious when you explain it like that.”

“I mean, it’s not obvious to you. I think I’m just picking up on it because I’m an outsider in the situation. You live with him, so you assume he’s just doing what he does and being a jerk. It makes sense that you wouldn’t see it.”

Suddenly, you froze in absolute terror. Your eyes went wide, and they slowly turned to Kakyoin.

Worried, the magenta-haired boy turned around, assuming something was behind him.

There stood Jotaro. Kakyoin had left the sliding glass door open, and Jotaro had heard everything. Everything.

He grumbled, stepping out onto the balcony, pulling his hat over his face. Kakyoin excused himself, walking past Jotaro and going back inside to allow you and your brother to have your fun sibling bonding moment together.

Jotaro didn’t sit, rather opting to walk over and stand next to the chair Kakyoin had occupied.

“I’m sorry about blowing up at you earlier.” He said, his voice gruff from exhaustion. He sucked in a big breath, and then exhaled. He stood for a second, as if getting the words out was physically taxing on him.

“It freaks me out when you get hurt. It’s—“ he sighed again, not used to talking about his feelings. Not knowing what to say.

“It’s scary.” He finally admitted. “We’re on this journey so we don’t lose mom.”

A pause.

“The possibility that I could lose you in the process is scary.”

That thought hadn’t occurred to you yet. I mean, how could you have? You didn’t have to worry about losing Jotaro, since he was so independent and powerful and all. You didn’t think about how he could have to worry about losing the both of you on this journey.

“Kakyoin was right.” He continued. “And you were right. To be upset at me for yelling. I’m sorry.”

You were still looking at him, surprised at what he was saying.

Too tired to say anything smart, you simply stood up and walked over to him. You opened your arms and wrapped them around him.

“It’s okay, Jotaro. Thanks for the apology.” Letting go of him, you scratched the side of your head nervously, looking away a little bit. “You know you can talk to me, right? I’m your sister. I’m here for you just as much as you’re here for me, y’know. You don’t have to hide how you feel just so you look strong.”

He contemplated for a second. “Yeah. I’ll work on that. Thanks, Y/N.”

Though it wasn’t much, this was a big step for him, and you knew that. He didn’t have much to say, but he’d find the words when he needed them. And he’d find you when he needed to let them out.

“And I’ll work on not getting myself into trouble so often.” You said. “I’m sorry for worrying you so much, I know things have been tough for you because you’ve been worried about mom, but also me, too. I promise I’ll be more careful from now on.”

He cracked a small smile, letting out a low chuckle and putting his big hand on your head, ruffling your hair. “Yeah, you really need to get better at that. I have no idea how I’m related to someone so accident-prone. You probably got it from the old man.”

You groaned sarcastically. “I’m not nearly as bad as grandpa. He’s been in, like, 3 plane crashes already. There’s no way you’re telling me I’m as bad as him.”

He rolled his eyes, still smiling subtly. “Sure. Whatever you say, Y/N.” He said, turning to go back inside. “You should get some sleep. We’re leaving early tomorrow.”

“Uh oh, moment’s over. Bossy Jotaro is back.” You said, poking fun at his change of attitude.

“Good grief.” He mumbled, a small upturn at the corner of his mouth.

And with that, Jotaro walked inside and shut the door behind him. The relief of letting his feelings out muddled with the exhaustion in his bones made him crawl straight into bed. Even though he was tired, there was a smile still on his face. Even if it was difficult for him, he was glad he got to let things hang out in the open. He decided he’d be more open with his family more often, and he was glad to know that he had support, too.

————————————

[sturniolo04]

could you make a fic where chris and his girlfriend are trying to get pregnant but can’t, and nick and matt know about it.

A/n:  ofc! I put a little spin on it! I absolutely love these requests I have coming in, you guys are amazing!! I hope you love it! And remember to leave requests in my inbox! If you don’t like the pre added name in my works you can simply put in your own or don’t read it, it up to you :)-Charli

dividers: @issysh3ll

You not sure what it was whether it was your body or his body all you knew was this cycle of trying to get pregnant was frustrating.

I mean you and Chris tried everything. You guys even tried IVF and still no luck you were honestly loosing hope and chris could see it.

Here you were yet again staring at yet another negative pregnancy test.

'another negative its hopless chris"

you huff out throwing the test away in the trashcan.

"its not hopless we just have to keep trying okay"

chris reassures you.

"we have been trying for months chris its never going to happen"

you huff out trying to keep the tears at bay.

You two were so lost that you ultimately gave up on the whole conquest not thinking it was even possible at this point since you had been trying for so long. Chris saw that you were not only giving up on this but giving up on yourself as well and it was scaring him.

"hows the baby making going"

nick jokes out not really sure where you two had fallen on that spectrum since chris hadn't really said anything more about it outside of what he told them before which was that they were trying to have one after being married for a couple years.

"are we going to be uncles"

matt chimes in as chris lets out a soft sigh as his brother look at him with concern written on their faces.

"not good guys its like we keep trying and nothing"

chris states as nick face morphs into sadness for his brother.

"im sorry to hear that chris thats not good I mean how long have you to been trying"

nick asks softly.

"months we lost tracked"

chris huffs out letting his head fall on top of his arms on the table.

"well do you think maybe you need get yourself check out maybe its something with your dick not trying to be mean but like you never know"

matt asks cautiously.

"i have and its not me"

chris replies.

"well then its her"

nick adds on asking him further. Chris shakes his head 'no' that its not her.

"thats weird"

matt states.

"yeah maybe it just not out time yet I dont know guys"

chris sighs out nervously twirling his wedding band around on his ring finger.

"well maybe you two need to just got out or go on a trip take your mind off of things or something"

nick states thinking that might be a good idea for idea which chris willingly agreed to.

Chris decided you two would take a staycation up at the cape cod house for the weekend.

"hey thanks for doing this im sorry I have been difficult lately its just"

you state to him as he simply shakes his head and bringing you into a hug.

"its okay my love lets just enjoy this weekend okay and not think about this right now okay"

chris states bring his hand up to your face to rest underneath your chin lifting it up to place a sweet kiss on your lips as you simply nod you head agreeing the terms.

You two ended up enjoying your couple of nights at the house you two ended up going out to dinner on that Sunday and you couldn't deny that you felt better about life and just everything in general.

"you looked really pretty tonight"

chris states out of the blue as you two finally walking into the house from after having dinner. you turn around giving him a soft smile because this was the first time in a while where you could agree with him about feeling pretty. The whole pregnancy journey made you not feel pretty or worthy of anything so to hear that now felt different. everything felt different.

"thank you"

you softly let out as chris nods his head. Your not sure how the air thickened after the simply statement. All you ask was for chris to help you get out of your dress. Its not like he hasn't done this for you before but it just felt different.

Chris lets out a shaky breath as he unzipped your dress as you let it fall to the floor leaving you in your matching bra and underwear. Chris lets his lips ghost over the sensitive part of your neck causing you to slightly gasp at the feeling. You didn't want him to stop with whatever he was doing. You two stripped each other down until there was nothing in between you.

You reach your hand back to trail your fingers through his hair as he trailed his hand to cup your breasts, squeezing them softly. You immediate turn around so your back was not facing him admiring the boy in front of you. You pull chris into your lips as chris carefully lifts you up by the thighs to wrap your legs around his torso not breaking the kiss as he walked you two over to the bed.

You were so focused on him making out with him you didn't feel his length split you open. it simply was the perfect fit like always.

"fuck"

he groans out from above you feeling every inch of you as if it was your guys first time all over again. You tipped your head back felling him bottom out completely. Chris slowly and steadily began rock his hips into yours, your hips meeting each other every time. It hadn't even been that long and you already felt your high starting to wash over your senses.

"fuck dont stop"

you moan out reaching to grab onto arm to ground yourself. Chris didn't stop. After a couple more thrust you two reached your high together, you two were a moaning mess as you let each out ride it out.

The next morning you geuninely felt sick to your stomach and you weren't quite sure what it could have caused that.

"chris i dont feel too good"

you whine sitting up in the bed holding your stomach tightly.

"im sorry thats not good is it your stomach or"

chris asks you geuninely concerned. You couldn't respond to him feeling the immediate need to vomit. You rush to the connected bathroom opening the toilet and spilling everything into the toliet.

"oh princess"

chris coos out holding your hair out of the way. Your brain was to busy retracing everything you ate from the last 48 hours because what would you be throwing up randomly like this unless.

"what"

chris states looking at your face as if a light bulb came on.

"chris maybe do you think"

you stutter out hoping he figures out what you were talking about. Chris' eyes light up at the thought but how could they be so sure they didn't want to get their hopes up but they always wanted to know if that is the case or not.

"do you have any here you can take right not or do I need to"

chris trails off as you lean over to open the sink cabinet to find some tests in there. you immediately pull one out.

"okay the moment of truth"

chris sighs out as he turns off the timer that was ringing on his phone to let you two know the results were ready for the test.

"chris what if-"

you trail off with a soft sigh.

"hey hey its okay if its not we will keep trying okay"

chris reassures you as you simply nod your head flipping over the test.

"Chris"

you trails off looking at the intersecting lines. it was positive test.

"no way"

chris exclaims as you begin to sob.

"i told you it was going to happen"

chris states bring your sobbing figure into a hug comfortingly running his fingers through your hair. After all of the struggle you could definitely say that it was worth it.

Taglist🗂️

@mintsturniolo @spicymuffins03 @dirtylittleheart333

@stayingstromboli @wh0resstuff @ksturnz @chaoswithus @emely9274 @ivysturnss @sturniolo-szn2 @lezleeferguson-120 @courta13 @chrepsi @lyingonchris

@tezzzzzzzz @babytomatoes21 @sturniolosymphony @zenithsturniolo @bernardsbendystraws @sturnioloslut101

[sysmedsaresexist]

im a system trying to learn more about endos.

so far in syscourse ive only seen proof of cdds being traumagenic but they dont disprove non-cdd plurality, so what sources are there that have evidence of endogenic systems, if you have any?

Right now? There isn't any hard evidence that would satisfy anti endos. There's TONS of papers and articles talking about the recent emergence of endogenic systems, but they're mostly interview based. I debunked a lot of them when I was still anti. Small sample sizes, personal bias about dysfunction levels, all interviews. Those won't stand for those who are skeptical.

Now that I've calmed my gender neutral tits, though, I can look at where all this research is heading, and I can look back and find all the different terms that have been used to describe this same phenomenon. Those terms don't fall under psychology, they appear in journals about consciousness and self and philosophy, and they go all the way back to the 1800s, developing right alongside theories on hysteria and split personality, and the TOSD.

I don't need to do the work for you (/nm), just Google multiple self theory and fall down the rabbit hole. Trust me. One Google search, move at your own pace. It'll mean more when you find all this yourself and make the journey on your own. It was way more effective when I went alone.

That said, I'm not heartless.

The most promising research coming out is the tulpa studies.

Tanya Luhrmann and Michael Lifshitz are incredible, but it's Luhrmann who really stole my heart. She has a long list of work on religious communication with God and "others", and was a huge part of putting tulpas, and several other different voice hearing, religious communities into the fmri scanners to see what's going on. The reddit AMA is being passed around now, and it's largely being ignored by antis, without understanding what it was.

The tulpa studies began... shit, 5 years ago? Covid put a hold on the project, but it's back up and running and they're working on the final paper. The AMA was a chance for people to ask questions to the lead researchers about the project, including whether they found anything.

And they did.

The brains of tulpamancers and other practitioners lit up in unexpected areas and outside of conscious control (very basic overview).

Luhrmann also wrote about how this kind of research can help other voice hearers, and could potentially point to some new therapy opportunities for those struggling.

No, Luhrmann and Lifshitz are not dissociative specialists. Endogenic systems have screamed for decades about how they don't have CDDs and we just refuse to listen. This research is occurring in other areas and specialities. They don't need to be dissociative specialists to work fmri machines and see there's something happening.

My hope is that once the final results are published, we'll see some very quick movements comparing CDDs and endogenic systems. We're not there yet, but I think we'll actually have firm answers within the next couple years.

And after looking into other areas of research, and seeing the potential positives, and that they DID see some unexpected things on the scans...

Not to mention that I've spoken with Colin Ross, THE dissociative expert, who in the 1980s, wrote about "endogenous multiplicity," a subsection of those with MPD that had no trauma history, no dysfunction, no amnesia, etc, and he still stands by that to this very day. I've spoken with several other experts. Go look at Jamie Marich on Twitter and see all her colleagues in the notes.

Anti endo is a dying stance.

Learn nuance while you can (CDDs and endogenic plurality are different, occasionally overlapping), and jump ship before it's too late to take the harm back.

Happy googling and good luck!

[mintedwitcher]

ngl since we’re all talking about eddie…. can i be honest and say the only times i liked him were 1. chris interactions (bc they tend to be written sweetly and im a sucker for that kind of thing) and 2. purely comedic stuff (bc i do think rg is good w comedy but it kinda makes him the weak link if all the other mains can do both…).

i never really liked eddie’s dramatic stuff and i think the recent kitchen scene put his anger in perspective for me that my neutral-to-dislike feelings were bc of my own experiences in life. the fights w shannon in eddie begins sit a lil more uncomfortably now. i like a messy character (i love chimney and i kinda love the punch because it was so clearly wrong of him and its all messy… and entertaining as a one-off moment, itd be sooo different if chimney was constantly beating ppl up and ignoring clear anger issues), but it feels like the show doesn’t want to fully recognize how messy eddie is and how it kinda leans right into toxic masculinity :p

i miss when he was in therapy. hell, i was excited to hopefully see eddie apologize to chris (bc i think kids getting apologies from their parents is sooo important to depict!!! no one is immune to apologizing when theyre wrong) bc omg theyre finally doing something w him!!! and then they fumbled it. sometimes it feels like ppl latched onto him bc hes hot and young and overlooked the true hottie of the show: aisha.

(no but theyre all hot its not just buck/eddie/tommy its all of em and ill take that opinion to my grave)

like yeah i like pretty guys too. but idk eddie just feels like he’s been lacking so much for so long abd every time the show tries to do something, it gets fumbled. ik theres other parts to it like showrunner stuff but why is it so hard to let eddie do something interesting? either write him off and bring someone new in to shake things up, or actually do something w eddie that isn’t “im angry and sad my wife died and i refuse to get over it in a healthy way for my own wellbeing AND my sons (and anyone else who may come into our lives)” :/ im just tired of this bitch and his recent bullshit just eliminated all patience i had left for him

you are so correct for all of this. I had a very similar journey regarding Eddie and my opinion of him has drastically changed. Looking back on the earlier seasons now without the shipper goggles on is definitely adding to the discomfort.

as I've said before, his behaviour is an established pattern, and that is an immediate discomfort zone for me. I've never done well with the "angry man" type, and seeing it on a TV screen doesn't make it any less uncomfortable, especially when it's a character who COULD be so pivotal. we literally had him on screen saying that he was in therapy and trying to get better, not just for his son but for himself, and that was a HUGE step forward. and then they immediately regressed him from that point onward.

he could've been an INCREDIBLE example of overcoming toxic masculinity, but instead, it feels like he's just leaned full-tilt into it. which, knowing how much input Tim Minear allows the actors to have about their scenes/storylines, is extremely disturbing, in line with the rapid redpilling that Ryan has been falling into online.

I wish that the show would fully commit to writing him off. With Peter Krause gone, the budget is a lot more maleable, and cutting loose a character that has already functionally become a recurring one rather than a main, would not be difficult. They could've had Eddie decide to stay in Texas with his son, had him join the fire department in his hometown, and let his story continue through phone calls and visits. And then, to fill up the billing card, they could add Ravi and/or Tommy to the cast as mains.

(the cynical part of me wonders if they're only keeping him on board because of his extremely toxic fan base and how violent they can get whenever they think they've been "wronged" or "tricked" somehow)

[voidheartkisses]

Okay hello hi hello,

First off you're amazing and a gift to the world, I wish I had even half your talent. Your last piece blew my mind and I just HAD to ask,

How long have you been drawing/painting for? I imagine forever but I'm always curious how long it takes before artists reach these sorts of levels where it evolves into full-scale projects as opposed to smaller hobbyist crafts. There are so many beautiful art pieces on this platform as a whole and I'm constantly baffled by it all

Sorry if my excitement is off-putting that piece is heavenly and my mind is blown. Hope you're doing well!

Hi and thank you! That's a good question

So I've been drawing since I was born, but I've been drawing digitally for 8 years. I think in the very beginning most artists should just focus on having fun, you'll basically improve by default

after a while you will want to improve. It will be slow, but this is the stage where you'll recognize what you need work on

I'd say the turning point is when you've finally gotten far enough into your art journey without any sort of formal training (ie, a lot of artists dont learn the basics/fundamentals first, which is fine since most of us start as hobbyists) But I think learning them really did help me a lot. You start to think more about how light and shadow lays, depth, 3D objects, and more.

I highly recommend watching this video about levels of art, it's been really helpful and motivating to me throughout the years

This part is going to be long so you don't have to read it but I just wanna give my personal journey and how I got to now if anyone thinks it'll be helpful:

(2017) With digital art, I started off on ms paint and occasionally ibis paint x. Mostly using anime deviantart bases (EMBARRASSING), but after a while I developed my own style based on the people I was inspired by at the time, I was just happy to draw and didn't care much about improving at this time

(2019) The people you look up to artistically will naturally change over time (and thats okay), after a while I decided to switch to firealpaca, where I guess I got more invested on how light and shadows work, as well as making my characters look a bit more natural and develop my own style, your preference in aesthetic may also change over time which is noticeable here

(2021) Eventually, I began to lean more into semirealism (which isn't everyones preference and thats okay! realism shouldn't be the ultimate end goal of art) but I really enjoyed making stylized characters look 3D and in natural looking environments, since I felt it spoke to my own experiences, a lot of artists draw from real life experiences. I focused more on anatomy at this time as well as textures and environments, composition also became a big deal for me at this time, as well as wanting to use different colors

(2024) The change from LINEART to DIGITAL PAINTING in 2022 was the hardest for me once I switched to clip studio paint, it was basically like starting all over and I was so lost. I had a lot to figure out on my own but I knew it was a transition I had to make to draw the kind of art I wanted. But I began to study and take more things into consideration, I didn't like my art so I simply kept going "I can do better", learning from my previous mistakes and slowly making something I would be more satisfied with. At this point art felt more like "projects" then anything, because I wanted to make pieces that were of quality and had time and care put into each of them, sure it meant there was no longer much quantity. but hey that's what my smaller Cult of the Lamb lineart drawings are for!! 💙

I'm still growing and I definitely have a long way to go, but I am very proud of my progress this year, and I'll continue to grow until I'm satisfied (haha im stubborn) I also want to develop my secondary lineart style that I do when I'm not painting, since I feel that is important too

in short; time, practice, dedication, and passion are the most important, draw what you love above all else because it will be your drive to keep going, staying motivated was the most important for me

Sorry for the long post 😭

[agirlandherquill]

a little update straight from freshly dried ink

goodness me it's been a long time since i've been on writeblr - since early January I believe, and yes, it has been a long time, but I can tell you all now, with a great, big, stupidly wide smile on my face - that my time has been spent on important things, i've not just forgotten about Tumblr and let my blog go to waste (hell would freeze over before I ever let that happen),

my past month has been spent on things i couldn't update anybody about until they were done - and i can finally tell the wonderful world of writeblr that ruin's reprisal is done! final proofreads are complete (yes it did take me a long, long time to get through, but hey, juggling writing and life - especially at the start of semester 2 at uni - is an impressive skill i've been working on ever since I first found myself trying to write and I'm still learning the balance, even after years in the making) and i've got a fully finished off draft, if i can even call it that anymore, sitting in my files, and it's a day I never did think I'd get to, not considering this book has been around four years in the making, but I did it! it's done!

and another little update - truths, my little story I started on the 1st day of the year, ended up being around 3/4 complete by the end of January, which I'm very shocked about - I never thought I'd have it in me to create this story so quickly, and now that the week I took off writing it to focus solely on proofreading ruin's reprisal has finally paid off, I can get back to it! and i truly cannot wait to share more of truths and a few other things I have in store (which I'm not sharing quite yet, dear reader, you'll have to wait, but not for long, I give you my word)

but, to focus on the main point to this post - ruin's reprisal is done, which means... (insert drumroll if you will) i get to move onto the very final, polishing details - coming up with a blurb (the BANE of my existence), and more exciting things too! such as announcing a release date (soon, but tbd. ((deadlines be forgiving))) and creating a cover! (which I am both very much looking forward to and am equally terrified about) but for now, I can leave you all with a few stats about the book! Ruin's Reprisal is composed of 220,354 words, 566 pages, and 42 chapters (plus a bonus one i'm very excited about including since it's a glimpse at another character's pov during a very crucial scene - you'll understand come release, trust me :)) and who knows, there may be a little game full of teasers up my sleeve, we shall see, but for now, thank you for being a part of this journey and keeping my writing going writeblr, it means more than I could ever say to do it justice - keep writing and i'll speak to you all soon! ~ A Girl and Her Quill

~ ~ ~

now for the tag list!

(p.s if you'd like to be included/notified too, interact with this post :) p.p.s im finally getting around to updating it, so bear with me :))

@humbly-a-doppelganger @imawholeassmood @frostedlemonwriter @yrndrgn @abditorywriting

@riveriafalll @lead-to-code @casualsuitturtle @floweryprosegarden @joeys-piano

@catwingsathena @godsmostfuckedupgoblin @nothoughtsjustmhaandotherthings @anaisbebe

@drchenquill @leahnardo-da-veggie @tiredpapergirl @pastelpinkhobbies @a-mimsy-borogove @the-letterbox-archives @corinneglass @darkluminosity @kuebiko-writing

[soggyyycereal]

ii3 ramble don’t look if you don’t want spoilers

k thanks- ANYWAYS

Taps mic… inhale….

BOT!!! Bot… bot omfmngdnbf the trans allegory arc of the CENTURY BOTT AAHGGGG

Okay well.. I mean it’s not exactly an ALLEGORY when they are literally CANONICALLY nonbinary…

JUST. Just listen. Listen to me. Okay. I know it’s practically basic knowledge that their ENTIRE arc is trans coded bUT LISTEN IF I WANNA TALK ABOUT IT, THEN I’M GONNA TALK ABOUT IT OKAY…? Okay… listen…

THE GLITCHING??? The glitching… the glitching whenever someone mentions “chairs” or anything related to BOW’S, NOT BOT’S, BUT BOOWW’S PAST? Yeah. Dysphoria. DYSPHORIA!! GENDER DYSPHORIA!!! HOW?? I’ll tell you how- the feeling that’s something wrong, not knowing what feels wrong but it still feels wrong? Dysphoria without knowing it’s dysphoria… m’kay? Walk with me

We’re gonna pretend that Bow is pre-transition Bot,, right? Cuz that’s what it basically is, their ENTIRE arc is basically becoming who you are,,, A TRANSGENDERISM!!! So obviously when they’re gonna be perceived as Bow (or in this case,, birth gender), they’re gonna feel uncomfortable. But they don’t know WHY they’re uncomfortable… they’re Bow, why would they feel uncomfortable about something related to Bow if they’ve always BEEN Bow, right? Because of GENDER TRANSNESS

Anyways- moving onto when they ACTUALLY begin to realize they’re not Bow (egg cracking), this is when things began going FULL THROTTLE FOR ME. (Episodes 8-14)

Episode 8, when they finally realize that they, are in fact, not Bow…

THIS… oh my god this… being raised with typical gender norms but then finally realizing those norms don’t align with you…

OOGGHHH MY GODDDD BOOOTTTTT HHHNNGNVHDHCHSHHFHSFHDJFHF AAHAHGGG BANGS TABLLEEE

But wait… there’s more…

Episode 9… Where they begin to transition…

THE REACTIONS. ARE SO UNBELIEVABLY REAL. OH MY GOD… I only ever see the typical “yay supportive” or the “get out of my house NOW” unsupportive…

But never the overly over the top supportive… but alas… we have Goo

DON’T GET ME WRONG. GOO IS AWESOME FOR SUPPORTING HIS FRIEND WITH THEIR JOURNEY IM ALL HERE FOR IT…

But it does get to a point where that support can be a bit uncomfortable and overwhelming

Even with Test Tube at the beginning of the episode,,, with the whole chocolate cake thing… it’s a time of change and I get why she might be wary of accidentally stepping into uneasy territory, becoming hyper aware of how they’re eating chocolate cake and how BOW liked chocolate cake and doesn’t wanna make assumptions because Bot isn’t Bow

I think this could be seen as someone transitioning but still enjoying some parts relating to the gender they no longer align with… like masc people still enjoying makeup and fem people still enjoying dressing more tomboyish, yk?

Overall I think this episode can be summed down to almost everyone becoming SUPER DUPER aware of Bot’s transition, like, to the point that’s what all they see anymore. Not Bot as a person, but rather as JUST an identity (note to self I wanna talk about this later in ep 12)

I really like how it’s worded here, “you just wanted a slice of cake, and I went and gave you the whole bakery” I DON’T KNOW HOW TO WORD IT BUT LIKE.. GOD!!! ITS SO GOOD I LOVE METAPHORS

Episode 10 doesn’t really include anything other than more of the process of them transitioning,,, choosing a new voice and allat

BUT OH MY GOD PROUD MAMA TEST TUBE IM IN TEARSSS

Same with episode 11,,, nothing too much happens in relating to Bot and their transition

HOWEVER TWELVE. OH MY GOD EPISODE TWELVE

I personally relate to this one… cuz this one handles particularly fearing transitioning…

Exhibit A… They’re obviously projecting into Floory (The Floor? Idk what bros name is specifically…) here…

BUT!!! My man goes in to say that no matter how you look like or how you present yourself,, you’re still you no matter what

LIKE… okay… for me personally, when I found out I was trans I was PETRIFIED. The whole idea of becoming someone new and being perceived as someone new TERRIFIED me… Only as I got older and got further into my own transition I realized it wasn’t that bad, it was the best thing I’ve ever decided for myself!!! So having that experience here, that fear represented here means a SHITTT TON to me… Again, like with the Goo situation I don’t really know how to word it properly but it works SSOOO well… it’s unbelievable /pos

As for episode 13,, again (unfortunately) there’s nothing much I can comment on,,, other than the butterfly symbolism which was introduced in the last episode

LIKE CMONNN

OH!! And thinking more clearly/improvement of mental health that often comes with transitioning too!1!!!!

anyways episode 14… aha.. EPISODE FOURTEEN OH MY GODDDDDD /POS

AGAIN. Again.. the subtle fear of transitioning,,, that I myself have personally felt with, is shown in this episode as well…

I SHOULD MENTION THAT TRANSITIONING ISN’T ALL DOOM AND GLOOM.. Despite the struggles I mention,, it is genuinely such a life saver

ANYWAYS!! In this episode Bot struggles with the idea of coming out to their creators (parents), Test Tube and Fan… Nervous for them to see all of the numerous changes they have made to their person

THIS LINE… This line got to me- like- genuinely 😭

AGAIN.. PERSONALLY RELATABLE FOR ME… I don’t know how to describe it… again 💔… But I feel like that it’s a very real thing that a lot of trans kids go through, which is slowly experimenting and trying things out with your friends… whether it be a new name or new pronouns, usually people would test them out first with their friends, which is exactly what Bot did (even if they didn’t have a choice since both Fan AND Test Tube got eliminated 😭)… They tried out their new green butterfly appearance with Nickel and Balloon… their voice… Practically EVERYTHING minus their height manipulation that Test Tube gave to them

Like said in the screen shot I provided, they know that their parents aren’t going to be mad… but they hope that it wouldn’t make them sad. Having been raised with a specific vision in mind, which in Bot’s case, being built to be a replica of Bow, but then turning out nothing like her. This could be easily translated to being raised with a specific gender norm and being raised with the expectation of continually aligning with the gender you’re assigned at birth with. But then finding out you’re not. The idea of telling the people who’ve had that expectation is scary. The idea of disappointing someone with the fact that you aren’t who they expect you to be is TERRIFYING even though you know they aren’t going to be mad

which is why I SCREAMED when they got eliminated at the end of the episode

BUT OH MY GODDDDD IM GONNA SOBBB

It’s such a simple interaction BUT GOD I’VE NEVER CRIED AT AN ELIMINATION BEFORE THIS POINT IN THE SERIES… Less is more… and it DELIVERED.

It’s such a small want.. such a small need… to be accepted wholeheartedly and the thought of anything except that is so terrifying when coming out to parents… But watching Test Tube walk up to them, hug them, and saying that simple like while smiling… “it’s you” is everything and MORE.

OH!! UHM!! ADDING FROM MY POINT FROM EARLIER… Back when I mentioned about the characters seeing Bot as just as their identity rather than their full person? Here, in this episode, I bring you Cabby..

Mind you,, for a lot of the series I disliked Cabby (earlier part of the season)… BUT!! I WILL ADMIT THAT SHE HAS HER MOMENTS!! THIS IS ONE OF THEM!!

Up to this point, no one has really asked Bot what they enjoy. Not even Test Tube (again not like she could since she was eliminated- NO DISS TOWARDS ANYONE I SWEAR). During transitions, people can get very easily hung up in the process. Or so I’ve noticed with my own personal story… First year I was out as non-cis I was gifted pride stuff for Christmas 😭

ANYWAYS- my point is, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the chaos of becoming who you truly are that sometimes people forget to see you as YOU and not just as your identity, yk? So when Cabby asks Bot what they likes to do, they’re EXCITED

Anyways lgbtq community mentioned here as well

COUGHING ANYWAYS YEAH!!! This has been bubbling in my brain for a FAT while and I can’t exactly ramble to anyone about it (yet… my friend is almost done ii and oohhohohohoohh boy they are IN FOR IT/SILLY)

idk if anyone will actually read this,, but I had fun writing it all out!!!

[variousqueerthings]

hi hello the exorcist show for the ask game please!!! (hope you are well!)

AHHH HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO

awwyeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (also known as: the show of all fucking time that nobody watched before it was too late, including my good self but lbr they were never giving it a third season but does it matter???? we got two seasons of some of the most beautiful narrative you can imagine. chill im chill you know im chill gosh im so happy you watched this show still!)

my favorite female character ooh, this is interesting, because I never had a Fave fave out of all of them, but i think a toss-up between Angela Rance (duh, perhaps, my beloved Geena Davis), Mother Bernadette (i miss u babe), and Rose Cooper (head solidly on her shoulders as she navigates the utterly bizarre, adopts all the kids 😭😭😭)

my favorite male character YOU KNOW! HOW DIFFICULT! THIS IS! YOU KNOW I HAVE TO GO MARCUS BUT THEN TOMAS WOULD ALSO SAY MARCUS (but then Marcus would say Tomas, so forwards and backwards we go) - my midlands orphan who was groomed and abused by the Church to become an object/weapon, who has somehow maintained an inherent belief in People, in Goodness, and above all who will never ever let another child suffer on his watch!!!! who sees abused children and wants to save them!!!!!!!!! who is queer and deeply repressed (canonically this time, we say this about many a character, but Canonically!!!!) and working through it!!!! played by the beauteous and yet rugged Ben Daniels!!!! This character Did Things to my psyche forever and always, he is nestled softly in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my favorite book/season/etc Mmmmmmm there's only two to go for... I think........ argh. hm. ok. no. i can't do it. coward's way out. soz babe

my favorite episode (if its a tv show) me like, damn it's so episodic, what happened wheeen but ok in terms of Moments in the story: s1: when we properly discover who Angela is. the rug pull is so so good for me and pulls everything into focus as a Story! s2: toss up between "Marcus makes out with a sexy fisherman (called Peter!!) while Tomas embarks on The Horrors alone," and the finale............. gosh that s2 finale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my favorite cast member I've seen Ben Daniels onstage and it absolutely rocked my whole world, but I cannot go without shouting out Alfonso Herrera (yes, he of Sense8 fame to anyone reading this trying to connect the dots!) Geena Davis, and John Cho!!!! like!!!! this cast is fucking Stacked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my favorite ship Tomas/Marcus. whatever they are, they are everything to one another! which is the whole core of the show

a character I’d die defending Father Devon Bennett!!!!! I don't know if he needs defending from fandom, but holy cow the way we leave him is so so bleak it hurts my soul!!!!! can someone come save my baby boy 😭😭😭

a character I just can’t sympathize with Idk man. the demons? OH NO WAIT I KNOW FUCKN! MARIA WALTERS!!!! Truly a "ok sob story, still evil" kinda thing (which is the point, this woman!!! this fucking woman!!!!!!!) -- i do like how absolutely pathetic she was in a particular way I usually see in these powerhungry guys! girlboss! cancer killed the demon inside of her (lol)

a character I grew to love I'd say Mouse. I think the thing about Mouse is simply that we didn't get to the next part of her story, so she's In Potentia permanently. I also think it was a slight misstep to ground her in a past will-they-won't-they with Marcus, because it puts her into that fatal position of "oh so she's just a love interest after all" vs giving her her own journey, BUT! HOWEVER! She does have her own journey! very much so in fact! it's just that that wig Ben Daniels had in the flashbacks was fucking atrocious and you were maybe more interested in the current-day stuff on first watch but then on second watch she really came into her own for me, especially everything she was doing with Bennett! I wish we'd had more of them doing Stuff together! I wish we could have seen her and Tomas properly bonding!!!!!!!!!

my anti otp um. dunno really. Marcus and the wig. I wasn't necessarily compelled by Marcus and Mouse romantically either, I will say, but her hero-worshipping him and misreading it a certain way (she was a young nun, he was a mysterious exorcist), that I can get behind, especially since present-day Mouse is so Capable and Jaded, we like that journey for her

Anyway... that fucking show. forever in my mind. forever hurting my soul. forever waiting for a third season. forever recommending it because even without a full ending it's so so satisfying!

sry needed to add gifs of marcus touching tomas like he's precious

[all-pacas]

How do you think it played out the first time Cameron and Chase each shared something/acted truly vulnerable? Like their first dramatic hurt/comfort kind of moment.

What was it about? How did they react? What set them off? What were the circumstances?

Im trying to understand this aspect of them for research purposes and all cause it’s not really shown much in the series

So, I kind of disagree with this premise, because: we actually see them be vulnerable with one another surprisingly often, albeit mostly on Cameron's side.

In S1 and S2, she actually goes to Chase a couple of times as a sort of … romantic soundboard (very funny of her in retrospect); he knows about her crush on House, and she's the only one she discusses Dr. Charles with in TB or Not TB.

We also see in Hunting that, while Cameron rebuffs him, Chase actually is fairly proactive in checking up on her and trying to look out for her: he checks up on her after her HIV scare twice, asks her to drinks after work, and offers to work overtime so she can go home early. We also see Cameron try to get Chase to open up (unsuccessfully!) in Cursed and arguably also Human Error (she showed up to that diner with some kind of agenda and had no idea what to do with Chase's insistence he was fine).

(One of the ways Cameron and Chase are actually similar is that they're way better at offering support than accepting it. Chase is pretty proactive with his care and attempts to help; Cameron is even more so.)

Chase, generally, is much worse at being vulnerable, like, with anyone, but we do see him reach out to Cameron a couple of times: in The Itch, he admits he feels shut out and goes through a whole journey in the background: Cameron seems uninterested in going to his apartment for reasons he isn't aware of (and they're basically living together at this point), so he starts showing up at the patient's house — where she's crashing — and offering to stay at hers — which he hates — in an effort to please her, before finally admiting to a major insecurity and stepping back to give her space to work it out. That's vulnerability! Admittedly it's not dramatic or weepy, but that's still hurt/comfort (they're in their thirties, lol).

S5 is also rife with Cameron struggling to get past her own issues/fears and be vulnerable with Chase. In turn, he always is pretty aware of her issues and willing to give her space, Saviors aside — and Saviors is a good example, because Cameron here fucks up and breaks them up. We see them both super vulnerable and emotional. Chase speedruns the stages of grief as he thinks he's being broken up with and finally takes action to end the relationship, but he also asks (begs) Cameron to tell him what's going on and only breaks up with her after drawing that boundary. Cameron, meanwhile, has to face the reality of the fact that trying to avoid the situation made it 200% worse, and has to essentially beg Chase to take her back, crying and explaining that she was scared. I have my issues with the episode, but if you want vulnerability, there it is!

The thing is, it's really not dramatic most of the time. If they're both better at offering comfort than accepting it, the good news is that if either one of them is upset, the other is going to do whatever they can to help, you know? They absolutely have their conflicts, but their fights are also such non-issues (until the end): Chase has a problem. Cameron falls all over herself to make him feel better. The end. (The Itch) Chase has a problem. Cameron falls all over herself to make him feel better. Chase falls all over himself to make her feel better. The end. (spermgate.) They're already friends long before they sleep together, they're already — Cameron, anyway — comfortable with sharing their emotions. Chase is, of course, worse… but he also is pretty clear about his boundaries with her, and doesn't let her push them.

So the first time? Judging from what we see of them, either:

a) Cameron freaks out about something (I can see her having a Moment when the relationship overtakes her marriage as her Longest Ever), starts avoiding Chase to give herself time to figure it out. He notices right away and is hurt. They both stew for a little while, before Cameron admits what's wrong or Chase figures it out on his own. They talk it out and hug.

b) Chase is upset about something. He stews and withdraws and absolutely refuses to talk about it. Cameron gets annoyed, starts to pry. They fight, they sulk and are hurt. Cameron says something like "okay, I'm here when you're ready" (as she does with Dibala), and eventually he is, or Chase realizes he's upset her and gets up the gumption to tell her what's wrong, or he never quite tells her but they hug and he appreciates the comfort/support a lot.