#i think this is a good thing im finally at a point in my journey where my photos look good pre edit and i think i've been trying to reach

[solarismp3]

i think i have finally reached a point in my photography where i don't need too edit my photos in order to feel like i like them or they look good. i spent so much time trying to find a good way to edit this photo and make it look more interesting but i already like the original

[scootarooni]

Imma be real yall

I'm so burned out from pkmn

[diorctrl]

MUSIC BANK HOST : idol!enha x idol! reader

𓂂 ˳ enhypen maknae line genre: idol au, fluff, different scenarios warnings: intentional lower case, hyung line

kim seonwoo ( 김선우 )

୨୧ 𓂂 ˳ you’re apart of formis_9, you’re also sunghoon’s little sister. you’re the youngest of formis and it’s been a known thing that you have crush on sunoo but everyone just brushed it off as the “little sister having a crush on big brothers friend.” thing but NO you were sure that you were going to marry this man but he never payed you much mind but he obviously knew about your little(HUGE) crush on him every one knew so he wasn’t fazed when he was told that he would be your mc partner, he would just have to do his normal routine of completely ignoring your advances but this time it was different.

“sunoo oppa..” yn trails off looking up at the older boy, he looks at you confused because it was obvious that you were going off script, “you look handsome today, you always look handsome but you look extra handsome today.” she flirts leaning close to him, sunoo’s face heated up slightly because you’ve never been this bold before but the only that he could do was flirt back so it doesn’t throw the mood off and from that day it became your dynamic when you were mcing, you guys would flirt like crazy in front of the camera to the point that it seeping into your regular lifestyle to the point that sunoo has been wondering if he should finally give you a chance (HE DID!)

yang jungwon ( 양정원 )

୨୧ 𓂂 ˳ you’re apart of new jeans, and just like jungwon you were on the younger side but was you were the leader of the group. with that in thought jungwon had immediately taken a liking towards you even though you’ve never interacted but he was interested in you because you both had something in common (+ you were insanely pretty in his opinion) but with you guys never interacting jungwon was shocked when he found that you yourself personally asked for him to fill in for your mc partner that would be away because in his mind you didn’t even know he existed but little did he know…

“you did so good today!” you exclaimed smiling big at jungwon as you guys wrapped up filming, your smile made his heart flutter a little and he smiled softly at you and thank you. “I knew you would do good, that’s why chose you.” you said, making pride grow in his chest, “really?” he asked. “yeah, you’re my bias in enhypen,” you say nudging him causing jungwon’s face to heat up, “and you are pretty cute as well..” jungwo felt like he was on fire, “you think im cute?” he asks like it’s the most unbelievable thing in the world. “yeah,” you said with a nonchalant shrug, “and I also would like to hand out with you more.”

oh how lucky was he.

nishimura riki ( 西村リキ )

୨୧ 𓂂 ˳ you’re apart of baby monster , riki was first introduced to you through the introduction that yg posted for the series of the groups journey, he immediately took a liking towards you and your dancing it was obvious that you were going to be his bias if you debut with the group, he routed for you secretly the whole time and his members never mentioned the new group that was being formed so he thought he was the only one that knew about you untill he heard jake on the phone with someone who sounded awfully like you and riki being the curious person that he was asked the older member who he was talking to and his mouth dropped when jake said that he was talking to his cousin about the new episode that yg uploaded. riki couldn’t believe it yn was jakes cousin and if there’s one thing he knew is that he had to use that to his advantage to get to you and he definitely did by stealing your number from Jake’s phone and texting you a weird pick up line and one thing lead to another and BOOM you’re his girlfriend. one thing that shocked the work is how fast you got an mc job after debut and that yg actually let you be an mc for music bank just a few weeks after debut and you were soooo popular which meant you were on high demand, everyone wanted a piece of the new it girl and riki had to sit there at watch.

riki scowled at his screen as he watched some boy from a group flirt with you as you interviewed them did they have no manners? oh how he wanted to just jump through the screen and cause havoc. “hey!” he jumped when his door opened to reveal you walking over to his bed in more comfortable clothes from the ones you were wearing this morning, he took a look at you before turning around burying his head in his pillow not even looking up when he felt the weight in of you laying on his back, “what’s wrong?” you asked putting your chin on his shoulder, he only responded with a muffled nothing. “Come on I know something is wrong.” you say making it known that you’re not going to give up making riki let out a sigh, “I don’t like how these guys are acting towards you, flirting with you as if you have a boyfriend.” he says frowning when you let out a small giggle, “oh, so you’re jealous?” “I’m not- yeah I am.” his response makes you laugh even more, “riki, you don’t have to worry about those boys, all I care about is you.” “really?” “really.” you respond softly causing a smile to break onto his face, “now come on let’s go get food.”

[cupoftaae]

Hello! your writing is such a comfort to me, and Im a sucker for domestic, fluffy type shit to be honest. could you do something cute like reader is pregnant and tae like journals and vlogs all the time because hes so excited? Was gonna write something like this but I dont think I could do it justice.

uhg this is so cute omg. Thank you for reading my work and im so glad it can offer some comfort, thats such a sweet thing to say :(

I hope you enjoy! <3

warnings- swearing, mentions of pregnancy

ladybug - KTH (drabble)

Saturday, june 11th, 2022

Taehyung set his phone down on the desk as it recorded him, he smiled and jokingly waved. "hello, today is.." he leans to check the date, "June 11th, its Saturday and the time is 4:54pm. Y/N is in the bathroom taking another pregnancy test because she is now a week late" he laughed and spun side to side in his chair. "I dont know why, but...I have a really weird feeling about this one, a weird but good feeling" he smiled and looked down. The past year has been very exhausting mentally for the both of you. After getting married, you both knew you wanted to have children right away, but your body didn't get the memo.

It was purely negative after negative, to the point where you refused to even take any tests for 3 months...up until now. Taehyung knew he wanted to journal your journey so that years from now you both could look back on the firsts of parenthood. He wrote down everything, from the good days to even the ugly ones, every appointment, every test, everything was in his notebook, and he was hoping that today would be *the* entry, he had a feeling it would be, so he decided on filming it just in case.

"ok, we have to wait 5 minuets" your voice is heard off camera as Taehyung looks up and across the room at you, "Ok" he smiles, waving you over. "cmere"

you nervously walk over as he places you onto his lap, long arms draping around your waist as you exhale. "filming?" you asked, watching him nod. "Do you want me not to?" he asked, "no, its fine, but what if its negative again?" you sigh and turn your body so your back is to the phone.

"then i can just delete it like the other ones" he ran his hand up and down your back, attempting to soothe you best he could. He was in his whole little nervous energy world right now and couldn't imagine how you were feeling, it had been months since the last test, and you werent sure you could take another hit with the reminder that your body isnt working.

It seemed like you had been waiting forever, tae had paused the camera 3 minuets after you came out, playing with your hair as you remained silent, hand in his. Your phone alarm could be heard from the bathroom once the long wait had ended. You, in that moment, wish you had another 5 minuets, because the second the alarm filled the air, your heart has stopped. "Im nervous" you whisper, standing up slowly as taehyung followed. "I know sweetheart, but we won't know unless we look, yeah?" he cupped your face gently, thumbs caressing your cheeks as he pressed a soft kiss to your lips.

You led him into the bathroom with you, "Wait dont turn it yet" he giggled and ran back to his phone he had left in the bedroom. You stared down at the upside-down test which sat on the edge of the sink, feeling your pulse in your ears. Once your husband returned, he closed the door and set up the filming, setting it a bit against the mirror as it faced you both. "dont be nervous, whatever it is, we will get through it ok?" he soothed, hugging you tightly and swaying a bit. It had been a few moments of preparation and deep breathing before finally feeling confident. "Ok ...im ready" you nodded, making him smile, "yeah?", he lifted the test, not flipping it yet. "yeah, but....you need to read it because I think I'll throw up if I do" you laughed, hiding your face in his chest as he breathed out, counting down in his head before finally flipping it.

"what does it say?" you whispered, fingers lightly gripping his t-shirt. Taehyung giggled nervously, "angel, Im not too good at reading these types of test....I-..I dont know if you are pregnant or not"

You let yourself smile at your husbands antics, pulling away to face the test, eyes widening. "baby..."

"what? is it negative?"

"Baby...two lines means pregnant, im pregnant." you turned to him, "Im pregnant" you whisper, taehyung not fully registering it until a few seconds after, head looking back down at the test.

"youre pregnant....." he looked back to you before a smile creeped onto his face, pulling you over and gently lifting you into his arms as tears escaped both of your eyes. there was no talking, just quiet (happy) crying, and touches and squeezes of love and emotion.

He finally set you back down and held your face. "Finally, damnit" you joke, making him laugh as he leans down to kiss you. "we are gonna be parents, baby. It is happening" he cooed sincerely, your hand wiping at his tears. you nodded, "its happening"

He kneeled down and lifted your shirt, his cold hands against your still flat stomach. "hi there" he whispered, making you cry even more as your hand ran through his hair. "we just found out about you, but mommy and daddy already love you so much" he kissed above your navel and held you close.

"Im so glad we got that on camera, fuck" you laughed as he stood up, wiping a tissue under your eyes. "I know!!" he sniffled and kissed you again. "god, I fucking love you"

"I love you too"

Tae picked the camera up and held it to both of your faces, making you giggle a bit. "welcome to the adventures of two 20 something year olds figuring out how to be parents, tune in next week for 'realizing we are too poor for this'" tae finished, shutting the camera off as you laughed and gently slapped his chest.

You sighed contently as he walked back into the bedroom with you, already becoming clingy with just the way he holds you. "this explains so much" you sit in thought, "I thought my period was coming because I was crying so much last week over everything but I guess not"

Taehyung smiled and crawled onto the bed next to you, hand rubbing your stomach. "oh my god, Taehyung, I had wine 2 days ago" you frown, grasping his hand. "im sure its okay, my mom used to have some wine when she was pregnant with me, and I think im okay" he smiled at you, his eyes scanning over your features lovingly. "dont stress, sweet girl, you are gonna be a mommy. We will plan an appointment this week and Ill be there for you ok? I promise" he kissed your hand as you looked up. "I love you so much"

"I love you more"

--

Thursday, November 20th, 2022

You had taken back everything you said about first trimester being the worst. Second trimester had absolutely everything to despise, and you realized it more each time you began to outgrow an article of clothing.

"theres mama" taehyung smiled brightly as he walked out of his office and into the living room with his camera, filming you on the couch. "shes wearing my sweatpants" he whispered and sat down, flipping the camera to the both of you. You pouted and looked at him, "baby I dont wanna be filmed, i look really gross" you sigh, "No you dont, you look sexy" he teased before shutting the phone off.

"are you still dizzy?" he asked, hand gently rubbing your thigh. "a little...but not as much"

the dizziness you've experienced since the second trimester has been the cause of worry for the past few weeks, despite your doctor telling you its normal.

"Just stay here, chill out and drink water" he smiled and got up to refill your water.

"I hate sitting down all day, its annoying" you huff, laying against the pillow. "I know baby, I know, but its not like your being lazy, you are creating a whole human, its a lot of work mama." he spoke, shutting the fridge to see the ultrasound photo hanging on the door.

You smile at him as he walks over, thanking him for the water. "Do you need anything else?" he asks, hand rubbing your slightly bigger stomach. You wouldn't have guessed you were almost 6 months pregnant, your bump has remained relatively small throughout the entire pregnancy, which you were thankful for, however it seemed like the weight just travelled to other parts of your body, like your feet.

"can you just lay with me?"

"of course baby" he moved to lay behind you, pulling you against him as you both watched tv, his hand finding its familiar place against your stomach, feeling soft flutters, something thats been occurring more recently.

"little ladybug is awake" he whispered and kissed your shoulder. You laugh and place your hand atop of his. You two had never figured out the gender, wanting to be surprised until they made their arrival, but Taehyung had a habit of calling the baby by "ladybug" ever since last month when you two laid outside and a small ladybug found its way to rest on top of your bump. He, of course, wrote the whole thing down in his journal as it happened.

Taehyung deep down didnt care the gender of his child, but he really wanted a little girl. A mini you. He wanted to take care of and protect his princesses all the time, and he so desperately wanted to make you both happy.

--

2 months later

You had woken tae up around 4am with severe cramping and back pain, he joined you on the floor in the bathroom as he placed a cold cloth on your neck. "just breathe, sweetheart." he sighed, trying to calm you down.

"What if they are coming early? Its too soon tae, and I-"

"shh, everything will be ok. You and ladybug are ok" he kissed your head. "Do you want to go to the ER?" he whispers, watching you nod as he helps you up carefully.

he helped you slip on your sneakers before getting into the car as he began driving to the hospital. "It doesnt feel like, I dont know how to explain.." you mumble, taking deep breathes

"What do you mean, love?"

"It doesnt feel normal and Im afraid something is wrong. Ive never felt this befor- ah!" you whine and hunch in pain as tae holds onto your hand and whispers soft words, promising he is driving as quick as he can.

Once he had helped you into the hospital, the doctor made him wait in the waiting room until they figured out what was the issue. Half an hour of leg bouncing, lip picking, and deep breathing later, a nurse finally stepped into the room to alert him of the situation. "Mr.Kim?" she asks, walking over as he sat up and nodded.

"ah, ok, So y/n is perfectly healthy and ok" she smiles and sits, "what she was feeling, is what the medical industry call 'braxton hicks', they are completely normal, its basically the body preparing itself for when the labor does in fact come." she adds, watching tae instantly relax upon hearing this. "I know its scary for a lot of first time parents but she and baby are in good health"

"thank god" he exhales and follows her back into the hall as he meets up with you again.

"Baby already causing problems for mommy huh?" he jokes and kisses your head, making you giggle and reach for his hand. "Did she tell you?" you ask

"mhm, nothing to worry about."

"kinda scary, if pre-labor feels that bad....then how is real labor gonna feel" you sigh, trying to avoid the thought despite the fact the baby needs to get out one way or another in just a few months.

"hey, look at me" he smiled, "everything will be ok, im right here" he squeezed your hand and leaned to kiss you softly, making you feel better already.

"I know, thank you"

Once you had fallen asleep, taehyung sat at the tiny desk across the room and began to film himself. "Hi ladybug, we are at the hospital because we thought you were making your grand entrance a month and a half early" he laughs quietly "but no, thank god. just stay in there and keep growing, you will meet us eventually" he smiled, "we love you"

--

march 3rd, 2022.

2:23 pm

You and taehyung had been adding the finishing touches onto the nursery, placing soft little blankets and bedding into the crib taehyung put together. "I like the colors, I think baby will like it" he spoke, adjusting the drawer and adding some more things into the hospital bag.

You were 9 months pregnant at this point, and there was nothing you hated more than moving. you sat in the rocking chair and nodded, watching your husband clean and organize. "hm what about this?" he asks, holding up a onesie that had pink ruffles. "are we bringing this"

"yeah" you smiled and ran your hand over your stomach

"ok" he put it into the bag and zipped it up, placing it by the door.

"Ok, I say we go get some lunch now. Let me help you get downstairs" taehyung smiled and reached out to hold your hands. You groaned and stood to your feet, wanting to just put all your weight against him. "you ok my love?" he coos

"mhm"

He began bringing you down the stairs and into the kitchen when you suddenly gasped, leaning against the back of the couch. "what??" he turned, watching your face turn to horror as you looked down. "I think....my water broke" you yelp in pain as a sudden sharp cramp covers your abdomen. "fuck, ok it hurts" you grasp onto his arms.

"ok, ok, uhm, well, well we need to go to the hospital now" Tae rambled, looking down at the small puddle, unsure where to go as he didnt want to leave you. "Go get the bags please, hurry up" you whisper as you rely on the support of the couch to keep you up.

Taehyung had ran quickly upstairs, nerves fueling his body but yet a smile creeped onto his face. His baby was finally coming, after all of these months, all of these moments, from when you told both of your families, to your baby shower, ultrasounds, shopping...its all coming together right now.

On his way back to you, he grabbed his phone and mindlessly began to film. "no time to talk, apparently you chose lunchtime to come greet us" he laughed and held the phone into his pocket as he came into the living room.

"tae it really fucking hurts" you cry, reaching for him again as he puts a coat over you. "I know sweetheart, its gonna be okay. We are gonna meet our little ladybug soon" he whispers, helping you stand on your own. "we are, huh" you breathe out, sudden excitement filling you.

"we are, time to officially be parents" he smiled and brought the bags into the car before helping you into the passenger seat. "I called Jin, hes coming to watch yeontan" he mumbled as he tried not to speed down the street as your groans became louder.

"hmmph, shit" you gripped the headrest of your seat as you tried not to cry, squeezing taes hand. "sorry if im hurting you"

Taehyung laughed, "its okay sweetheart, just breathe and focus on baby." he assured.

And thats what you did for the next 7 hours

-

"Hello my little ladybug" taehyung held his camera up to his newborn daughter as she laid against your bare chest. You were sweaty, tired, sore and ready to sleep for months, but you couldn't help but want to capture every moment with your new little family. "We waited so long for you, our sweet girl" he spoke, voice cracking as his hand reached out to hold hers, tiny fingers wrapping around just his one. Your eyes grew wet as you looked at him. "We are parents" you whispered, kissing your daughters head.

"you did such a good job, you are so fucking strong" he kissed you softly before turning his camera off, focusing all on you both.

"I cant wait to show her off to everyone, and spoil her" he added, watching her wide eyes look over at him.

"shes gonna be a very happy little girl" you smiled, watching the sweet interaction. between the two of them. "here, hold her again" you insisted as tae helped you sit up, taking the small newborn out of your arms gently.

"hi" he whispered, listening to her little coo's. He looked at her like she was his whole world. He never knew he needed anything more in his life after he married you, but now he can say with honesty and pride, he feels even more complete.

His wife, daughter, tannie and him.

His little place in the universe.

[lovebvni]

Shifting Timeframe? Pick A Pile

Welcome back to my bi-weekly pick a piles!! I was compelled by spirit to do a timeframe of when you will probably shift. Remember, general reading and YOU have the POWER to change it.

Also I've been seeing 325 a lot  - 3/25 is actually my birthday SOOO if anyone knows what that means please tell me!

Everything comes with a grain of salt, I will also have a shufflemancy going on in the background.

So, take a deep breath in...

Now out...

What emoji is your third eye telling you to pick?

🥚|🍭|🍬|🍶

pile 1 -- egg

A Month and a half, your day to shine.

Cards: Strength reversed, The Tower, Temperance, Knight of Cups

BESTIE OMG UR SO CLOSE TO SHIFTING WTF IM SO PROUD OF YOU, I KNOW ITS BEEN HARD BECAUSE OF THE TOWER CARD BUT I KNOW YOU'RE PUSHING THROUGH! You may feel vulnerable in some way, like you're not good enough? You are! You are the universe, you are the most powerful being EVER!! You should also take a quick 1-2 day break from shifting - this will also help you shifthere will also be someone coming in *possibly a friend, witch, or spiritual person* helping you out on this journey - they might be the one to give that final push.

Possible Personality Traits: Loving, giving, annoying {To yourself}, confident {On the outside}

Shufflemancy :

"Don't be afraid of heights 'cause we flyin'" - Rebels Call Me Karizma

"The time is upon you to show them what you can do and soon they will know that the day has COMEEE" - The Day - From Boku no Hero Academia, NateWantsToBattle

"I'm a little faded" - Slumber Party - Ashnikko

"It's exactly the same, they say 'why do you dress that way?' 'why do you act that way?' 'why aren't you just like me?" - Fire Drill - Melanie Martinez

Phrases, Numbers, Signs and more: 777, 666, Christmas, Bakugou, short tempered, Denki, Shinsou, shy, "You've got a friend in me", "Movie night!!", "Get in loser, we're going to the mall", "So you're obsessed?" Capricorn, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Taurus.

pile 2 -- lollipop

Within the next 48 hours, your dreams will come true.

(2 days to a week, actually)

Cards : 9 of Pentacles reversed, King of Pentacles reversed, 3 of Wands, The Fool reversed

OKAY FIRST OF ALL HOW LONG HAVE YALL BEEN SHIFTING I FEEL LIKE UR JUST A VERY SPIRITUAL PERSON!! But I feel like to get to that point you have to be less dependent on the things outside around you, and more on yourself. YOU'RE the one who can shift, the signs mean NOTHING if you don't take action. Do you abuse your power to shift in one way or another? Like start denying it exists JUST so The Universe will let you shift? Approach shifting like a timid animal in your backyard that's hurt. But yes, you definitely are shifting within the week. Your child-like wonder inspires me btw 

but keep your hopes up, you need more faith and hope that you will shift!

Possible Personality Traits: Softie on the inside, kind of shy?, risk taker, lover of music, goofy

Shufflemancy:

"Stupid boy think that I need him, I go cold like change the seasons, I go red hot like a demon, I go ghost for no damn reason, stupid boy think that I need him, stupid boy think that I need him." - Stupid - Ashinikko

"I'm not your friend, or anything damn, you think that you're the man, I think therefore I am" - Therefore I am - Billie Eilish

"You've got troubles, I've got em too, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you." - You've Got A Friend In Me - Cavetown

"We bark alot" - GOODMORNINGTOKYO! - TOKYO'S REVENGE

"We can fill it up with grass and all the things that make it warm. When you leave to go fly across the sea, I'll be waiting here with Junior and the flowers that we've grown." - Things That Make It Warm - Cavetown

"We might hotwire this old car to drive" - Everything Is Temporary (Sticks and Stones) - Cavetown

"Look like I'm going for a swim" - Chun-Li Nicki Minaj

Phrases, Numbers, Signs and more:  Denki Kaminari, "I'm failing all my classes omg", 444, "Hey, a frown won't get you anywhere - SMILE MORE!", calming music, study sessions, sexually active, dirty-minded, lack of physical affection, "Rough around the edges", Cavetown, Air Signs, any dominant sign tbh, "Have high hopes but low expectation", UA traitor, villian

pile 3 -- candy

44 Days, but It feels like years.

TW: DRUGS, SMOKING, ETC.

Cards : 8 of Pentacles, King of Cups reversed, 6 of Cups, The Hierophant

If you've read any of my other tarot readings you KNOWWW the hierophant makes me feel like I'm being choked, but before you shift you're going to realize something new, something new will come to you I suppose? So it will be a new beginning, then shift, it will probably be a new hobby or a job you like. And, like pile one, you will get good advice from a friend. I know some of you guys are like 'im not attracted to people in this reality' but you might be soon?? it's probably someone you knew in your past life or something. It may just be a friendship though. But the hierophant is just emphasizing what I just said, a good friend is going to give you advice.

Possible Personality Traits: ignored, quiet, lonely, friendly, smart, emotional

Shufflemancy:

"The worlds a little blurry, or maybe it's my eyes." - Ilomilo - Billie Eilish

"Maybe I'm too emotional, or maybe you never cared at alllll" - Good 4 U - Olivia Rodrigo

"I don't smoke, I just like how it smells" - Cigaratte Ahegao - Penelope Scott

Phrases, Numbers, Signs and more: Senpai/teacher, "You sure do cry a lot.", "You shouldn't care so much", watching youtube, hbu?, ignorant accidently, 666, 999, 69, st0ner, dr!nking, first time

pile 4 -- drink

Anywhere from to day to the 29th of this month

Cards : Queen of Wands, The Lovers, Judgement, Page of Cups

CLEARLY YOU'RE SHIFTING FOR SOMEONE WITH THE LOVERS CARD COMING OUT I MEAN SAME BESTIE, you don't know when you will shift, and you def look to higher spirits. Try some shadow work - your inner child needs healing. The universe sees you and how much you have bene struggling and working towards this, and it thanks you deeply. Your hard work is going to pay off soon!

Possible Personality Traits: Disappointed often, violent, gay, dramatic ASF, popular, two face, probably on medication, has been hurt physically, emotionally, or some other way

Shufflemancy :

"She moves on pretty BLOODY QUICK" - Your New Boyfriend - Wilber Soot

Literally any MHA song

"Baby hotline, please hold me close to you!" - Baby Hotline - Jack Stauber

"She said you were a hero, you played the part. But you ruined her in a year, don't act like it was hard. And you swear you didn't know,  I wonder why you didn't ask, she was sleeping in your clothes, but now she's got to get to class." - Your Power - Billie Eilish

I hope this pick - a pile resognated! I've been going through a lot this week and I don't know if my accuracy may have failed bc of the stress I'm experiencing but I'm so glad like NOBODY is shifting in a year+( like 2023) bc I know you all work SO HARD to shift.

[sysmedsaresexist]

im a system trying to learn more about endos.

so far in syscourse ive only seen proof of cdds being traumagenic but they dont disprove non-cdd plurality, so what sources are there that have evidence of endogenic systems, if you have any?

Right now? There isn't any hard evidence that would satisfy anti endos. There's TONS of papers and articles talking about the recent emergence of endogenic systems, but they're mostly interview based. I debunked a lot of them when I was still anti. Small sample sizes, personal bias about dysfunction levels, all interviews. Those won't stand for those who are skeptical.

Now that I've calmed my gender neutral tits, though, I can look at where all this research is heading, and I can look back and find all the different terms that have been used to describe this same phenomenon. Those terms don't fall under psychology, they appear in journals about consciousness and self and philosophy, and they go all the way back to the 1800s, developing right alongside theories on hysteria and split personality, and the TOSD.

I don't need to do the work for you (/nm), just Google multiple self theory and fall down the rabbit hole. Trust me. One Google search, move at your own pace. It'll mean more when you find all this yourself and make the journey on your own. It was way more effective when I went alone.

That said, I'm not heartless.

The most promising research coming out is the tulpa studies.

Tanya Luhrmann and Michael Lifshitz are incredible, but it's Luhrmann who really stole my heart. She has a long list of work on religious communication with God and "others", and was a huge part of putting tulpas, and several other different voice hearing, religious communities into the fmri scanners to see what's going on. The reddit AMA is being passed around now, and it's largely being ignored by antis, without understanding what it was.

The tulpa studies began... shit, 5 years ago? Covid put a hold on the project, but it's back up and running and they're working on the final paper. The AMA was a chance for people to ask questions to the lead researchers about the project, including whether they found anything.

And they did.

The brains of tulpamancers and other practitioners lit up in unexpected areas and outside of conscious control (very basic overview).

Luhrmann also wrote about how this kind of research can help other voice hearers, and could potentially point to some new therapy opportunities for those struggling.

No, Luhrmann and Lifshitz are not dissociative specialists. Endogenic systems have screamed for decades about how they don't have CDDs and we just refuse to listen. This research is occurring in other areas and specialities. They don't need to be dissociative specialists to work fmri machines and see there's something happening.

My hope is that once the final results are published, we'll see some very quick movements comparing CDDs and endogenic systems. We're not there yet, but I think we'll actually have firm answers within the next couple years.

And after looking into other areas of research, and seeing the potential positives, and that they DID see some unexpected things on the scans...

Not to mention that I've spoken with Colin Ross, THE dissociative expert, who in the 1980s, wrote about "endogenous multiplicity," a subsection of those with MPD that had no trauma history, no dysfunction, no amnesia, etc, and he still stands by that to this very day. I've spoken with several other experts. Go look at Jamie Marich on Twitter and see all her colleagues in the notes.

Anti endo is a dying stance.

Learn nuance while you can (CDDs and endogenic plurality are different, occasionally overlapping), and jump ship before it's too late to take the harm back.

Happy googling and good luck!

[cinefairy]

move with love, not hate.

you cannot hate the person you are now to become the person you want to be.

often times we are our worst critics, we criticise everything about ourselves from the way we talk, walk and move around in the world.

we do this because we think we are not up to par with our peers and the people around us or what social media thinks society should behave like. i know personally for me i would set out a certain high standard for myself and whenever i failed to reach that standard i would just be absolutely cruel to myself.

this brought me nothing i wasn’t doing well mentally and i wasn’t doing well physically because i had battered myself with cruel words. hating myself was one of the worst things i ever done to myself. i ended up treating myself like someone who didn’t deserve love, respect and warmth when in fact i did deserve all those things (and still do).

and its not like i didn’t try to be happy & love myself, i tried many times. i looked deeply at myself in the mirrors trying to force myself. but thats the thing, i was forcing myself. would someone who truly loves themselves force it? no, self-love flows through effortlessly, without trying its a beautiful thing that doesn’t need to be forced but expressed naturally.

it was like a battle in my mind, i was fighting with myself. i never accepted, i never let go i was holding tightly to my own self-hatred and even more so i was hating myself for not getting better. for not thriving like others, i think i was so upset and hurt that i just wanted to continue fighting with myself. it was the only response i knew in stressful situations, it was like a reflex response.

it wasn’t until i made the decision to continue, despite it all where things started to look up for me. no i didn’t go on a rampage of self-love affirmations but instead i accepted myself as i am.

i accepted the things i was pushing down and hiding away from. i accepted that im not like other people and that everyone including me is on different journeys in their lives. theres no point in me comparing.

i accepted my messy and “unpolished” self. i accepted that i have crazy emotions that can override my rational self. i cant be horrible to myself over stuff like that i can only grow and be kinder.

“yes maya, right now you are messy, right now you are going up & down and living with a ton of emotions. that is what a normal human being is like.” — A snippet from my diary in February, 2020.

YES YOU ARE A HUMAN, YES YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES. AND YOU ARE BOUND TO MAKE MORE MISTAKES. YES YOU HAVE FAILED. MANY, MANY TIMES. BUT THAT STILL ISNT A VALID REASON TO GIVE UP ON LIFE.

with this new acceptance i was finally able to let go with the old self. it didnt bring me down, i wasn’t holding onto it. it felt like a weight being lifted off my shoulders, it felt like i can finally be free. that im no longer in the shackles of my past, i released it and with that release came a new person evolving.

once i made this decision, i treaded lightly with myself. when things went wrong i wouldn’t immediately jump to dispute hate onto myself. when i implanted love in my routine i saw myself changing therefore the world around me was changing.

this new-founded acceptance allowed me to bring in pockets of love, i loved how i still had a long journey ahead of me. i loved how i still have so much time to grow. i loved how i can still have setbacks in my life but get up every morning and try again. i loved how the option of starting again and finding myself was always available.

hate brings nothing good, love brings all. love brings new meanings, new memories, new soul adventures, new ways to find things that you really love. new people. its a beautiful thing that we can all experience deeply.

[yellowymellon]

So threshold 4 cooked me good but on the bright side I got to hear Acheron's sped up skill more than I'd like to admit, she says : "everything will vanish some day"

And that sounds awfully like what a follower of finality would say. So it made me think (again) about Herta who wonders why nanook has to exist when finality already does....

we established that nanook is the youngest aeon but SIKE it's terminus. The logic is very simple, terminus speaks of the prophecy of the end, the doomed world of the future, while traversing the past. It's because nanook's ultimate destruction gave birth to terminus to begin with. I think it's further implied by elegy :

And now the question is, what is this importune slug trying to achieve by going to the past if they're not trying to change the future? I'm glad that even the follower's of finality understand how messy their aeon is and question their actions. But if we take in consideration that finality ascends in the future it answers some of elegy's questions, like "why bring the apocalypse if they want to salvage everything"

If you noticed, unlike other aeons, Finality has never even done anything in the "name" of finality. e.g fuli collecting memories, the propagation propagates, even Qlipoth is doing something no matter how stupid it looks. But time powers? HOW IS THAT FINALITY

Part of the reason I'm a terminus bully

I'm trying to say that terminus isn't the harbinger of the apocalypse, they're a byproduct themselves. So wanting to salvage everything is unrelated.

Elegy also says this :

We can interpret it as: amber to rupture (Qlipoth) immortality to wither (Yaoshi) music to mute (Xipe) light arrows to dim (Lan) Dark sun (IX) tavern (Aha) and lastly Nanook (ty user hereistori for ur help!)

I don't think nanook will single handedly kill every aeon, but this implies that finality will at the end. It's also the reason why the equilibrium won't stop nanook because it's an equal clash between them and finality who already knows what will happen.

Imo terminus isn't necessarily good, I think they just tell the future as a matter of fact and let you deal with it however you wish, in that sense they're even better than nous who has caLcULaTeD eVeRyThiNg (not a nous hater they bbg)

But then elegy says that terminus has TB joining them in their journey soon, which might imply terminus is on our side actually. And since we confirmed that SH follow terminus -even if the database didn't update it yet- I can confidently (and somewhat disappointedly) say that Elio is their emanator. Not only that but the favoritism is real, because terminus is close by his side. Elegy (once again) says the TB received their grace, hmmm, this paragraph points at one thing, remember Kafka's truth? An unknown aeon modified TB's body to host a stellaron. Srsly terminus does everything that isn't finality

You know what will be the craziest paradox tho? It's Elio being terminus pre ascension who went back to give human him the ability to see the future (plays 5D chess). This could also explain why elio is focused on killing nanook when he was basically forced into this role. It explains his motivation and his means + his grand plan of making TB in the likeness of nanook for some reason NO IM NOT CRAZY HEAR ME OU-

I mean it makes more sense than elio is akivili or nanook (those are legit ones, I don't agree with)

Anyway, elegy....says "what is the meaning of our existence if everything is bound to be reduced to nothingness in the end" (you can tell I like her and elio a lot lol *bats my eyes cutely*) which sounds awfully similar to Acheron's. Déjà vu? So how do we explain the connection between finality and nihility ? Idk- if you have any thoughts share them pls! I'm chronically obsessed with IX!!!

At least we know that IX existed before terminus did, and I was just saying that terminus will end nihility, so maybe Acheron's answer lies in finality like ppl speculated at first, interesting don't you think?

I've been thinking that some day PLS I BEG Elio would come in touch with Acheron, if she's able to sever paths, she'll definitely come in handy against nanook.

But I gotta say, terminus is a cruel existence to IX, an aeon that believes that the fate of the universe is nothingness, and is proven right.

Also, an emanator is like a mirror to an aeon, we may be fundamentally misunderstanding smth... finality isn't connected to nihility, but it looks like it because we don't have the full picture. Elio believes the book to end, but for the story to have a million ways to play out. He doesn't refuse finally, nor does he think it's worthless to try. Terminus must be the same, they may have nothing to do with nihility, but I know nihilism to be connected to Finality.

THANKS FOR READING! 💟

[sonicdjam]

introducing..

東方無政府夢 ~ ANARCHY FANTASY

(stylized in all caps)

A derivative Touhou Project revision in the works

This project has lots of name candidates so im calling it "Anarchy" for short. I also call it "Y2K Touhou" sometimes lol

Anarchy is my most ambitious project of mine, about my vision of Touhou. or revision, or an alternate universe. or something

My vision of it is like, if Touhou was more modern. Like the shinto themes will still be intact, just alot of things will look and maybe even feel modern.

Itll be a revision of the story, its characters, basically almost everything.

Anarchy is inspired by alot of stuff, mostly Y2K themes and aesthetic(s). Some inspirations include Sonic.EXE and creepypastas (you heard that right.) and 2000s-early 2010s media, with a sprinkle of recent (mid 2010s-2020s) media.

This is also i guess my practice for writing and character designing? I forgot the word. I say it is my most ambitious project because one of the reasons is that im not a native english speaker, so this will be interesting too :P

x Anarchy will also include a new story, acting like, the "final boss" of my writing journey (that is this project). Youll see why when i reveal it. Theres some hints on my social media about said new story too (even this paragraph has a clue too!!!!!!!) and it will also include some new content too!!!!!!x

So yeah, alot of stuff for this project has been planned, and i only have a few amount of progress done. I aim to finish (or atleast have a good amount of progress) this project by atleast the end of 2024 or before I graduate school.

iii think thats all i have 2 say for now......K Bai

oh yeah one more thing. All touhou related art with my Anarchy redesigns from this point on will include the #anarchy fantasy tag for better organizing or sumn lol

[robin-writes-and-such]

Update on my crisis about the Magicians- this is going to be a rant

(SOME POSITIVES SOME NEGATIVES)

I just finished season five

What the fuck

What the fuck was that

SPOILERS BELOW CUT

Disclaimer this is all just my opinion, no hard feelings to anyone who thinks differently.

Im sorry but first and foremost- the Charlton Eliot pairing. The ONLY reason they were put together is to have Eliot be with someone emotionally available. To have a happy ending. Except ZERO CHEMISTRY. AT ALL. This is partially because I’m a die hard Queliot supporter, but STILL

Part of this as well is that I watched the whole show in just a few days, so the whiplash of Eliot and Q’s entire arc DEFINITELY has not worn off

Also on the subject of Eliot, WHY CAN HE NOT HAVE ANYTHING. They literally took all of his friends away LAST MINUTE. I thought he would have a complete arc, where he begins to learn to love himself through his friends and slowly starts to heal and all of this would lead to a beautiful conclusion but NO???? SERIOUSLY? They just- man I’m so upset.

It’s clear that I’m a big Eliot fan here, but I also have opinions on non Eliot related things

Such as

Penny and Julia

I understand the alternate timeline stuff but- it really doesn’t make sense. It felt so instant and forced, as well as the whole pregnancy thing? I don’t know I just found it strange.

I knew already that I probably wouldn’t be too fond of the final season, considering one of my two favourite characters was- well, dead and gone- but I didn’t expect to be this angry about the conclusion

THAT SAID

I would love to hear positive opinions on the fifth season from anyone who has them

I will start

Eliot and Alice coming to terms with Q’s death was beautiful, I think both journeys were portrayed very well.

The musical heist episode was great, so was the apocalypse time loop episode.

Eliot being able to talk to Charlton in his head as a kind of conscience was very interesting and I enjoyed the dynamic- NOT AS ROMANTIC INTERESTS but I digress

I think Kady growing into her own was a very good arc, well executed and enjoyable.

I really liked the elaboration on Fen as a character, and having Josh not just be a random party guy.

WITH THAT SAID I will begin rewatching it promptly so this will definitely not be the last magicians post on this blog- at this point should I just make a side blog for this..?

Thank you for reading or skimming my rant 🙏

[bookbitchx]

Hello hello here's a lil rant about SJMs writing of Rhys and it driving me crazy :) (CC3 spoilers, ACOTAR spoilers, minor TOG spoilers)

I agree with your post that questions whether or not SJM was being purposeful when she created the dynamics of the IC and their allies. I personally think in order to determine if SJM is doing this purposefully its important to take all her books into account (especially with the crossover in CC3 😭 And because SJM's only finished series currently is TOG, most of my comparisons will involve that series)

I suspect that the IC's emotional journeys are still very far from over. Especially Rhys and Feyre since they have been arguing off page (which is understandable given it wasnt their POVs) and SJM purposefully included Ember Quinlan defending Nesta in the bonus chapter. Now each of these characters have VERY strong personalities, but Ember in particular comparing rhys to someone who abused her is EXTREMELY important for us as readers to note for future books. And i really hope that its because SJM is finally gonna let him be held accountable for being an ass towards his mate's sister and for meddling so much in their relationship.

Rhysand in particular out of all of the IC has probably the most potential for a good redemption arc. Hes traumatized by his families deaths and UTM in canon and it would be safe to assume his childhood in Windhaven wasn't exactly pleasant. So giving us the Archeron POVs to unpack these centuries old characters is bound to get messy due to their own lack of experience, (but it makes for good fan interaction, i see you sjm).

Rhys definitely has better intentions than the Highlords before him did, but he still has some iffy behavior that stems from needing to have control over his surroundings likely due to traumatic events where he felt powerless to save those he cares for. But that doesn't excuse the fact that he has (accidentally) hurt more people while trying to keep control. He withheld life saving info from his mate bc he didnt want her to worry, he threatened and chased Nesta from the city because she shared the info he was hiding, he stole the book from Tarquin despite the fact that he likely would have helped rhys anyway, he locked his IC in Velaris to protect them (when Amren could've solo'd anyone in UTM 🤫). All of which to me sounds like could be control issues.

Now for who I think is the closest character we have to really compare to Rhys, the MC of TOG also struggled with control issues throughout the series. And her own trauma also mirrors Rhys' to an extent, especially her family life and the fact she was also stuck without fresh air while she was in Endovier. She made bad choices throughout her story, ones that affected the people she loved directly. But when her arc concluded, she was able to make healthier decisions for herself and loved ones despite that.

If SJM truly loves rhys as much as she claims, I don't think she wouldn't give him an opportunity to heal like the one she gave to Aelin. Especially after she hinted in CC3 that things are NOT always all fine and dandy in Feysand's relationship, Feyre herself said she was furious with the IC in acosf, and the two of them have yet to discuss how Rhys' actions utm affected her.

Realistically, I don't the highest hopes for Rhys' character arc unfortunately, but a girl can dream of a better ACOTAR 😂 I wanna believe that it'll be a great series when it concludes but im hesitant in putting my faith into SJM tbh 😔 Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful rest of ur day/ night and im so excited to hear your thoughts!

Heyy

I hope you're having a good day/night too!

You definitely make some good points.

I can kind of see similarities between Rhysand and Aelin, but at the same time, I don't.

Aelin, for all her faults and mistakes, had at least tried to do the right thing, no matter how misguided it was. She was selfish and reckless and ended up hurting people close to her, but she owned up to it. She was also young. She was, what like 19-20? Not an excuse, but a factor.

Rhysand, on the other hand... God, where do I even start?

It's weird because ACOTAR is so different from TOG in terms of writing, and I'm just talking about first person/third person POVs.

I honestly believe that SJM tried to make the series black and white. Tamlin Bad, Rhysand good. Eris bad, Mor good. Nesta bad, Feyre good... and accidentally ended up with a controversial mess.

I mean good for her. Publicity is publicity no matter if it's positive or negative (here we are talking about it), but yeah.

Rhysand was supposed to be this morally grey character, but she ended up making him a self praising, self-proclaimed king of feminism, most powerful High Lord with nothing to back it up.

○ He gives Feyre 'choices' only when the outcome is in his favor.

○ He claims he's all for women's freedom to choose whatever they want... yet he lets those Illyrian camps keep women as glorified slaves and praises the leaders for giving them 2 hours of training.

○ He's 'the most powerful High Lord' yet he can't control the HC, and the camp leaders barely respond to him.

○ He, Feyre, and the IC feel entitled to information that affects the whole of Prythian... for what I don't know.

○ I'm not even going to get into the acts he commits against his 'family' bc I would be here for a while.

○ He encouraged his mate to take her petty revenge on Tamlin, destroying his entire court in the process, innocent lives and homes, not to mention making Prythian more vulnerable to Hybern.

○ He got mad at Nesta for giving the mask to Bryce... isn't that what he did with the book? Except he stole it and destroyed Summer Court property while Nesta controls the mask.

You're right about his control issues, though, as was seen with Nesta every time she didn't listen to him. I can see how that would relate to the lack of control he felt UTM, but...

Did 50 years UTM getting SA affect him? Obviously. I don't disregard the trauma he went through, but I also don't turn a blind eye to the things he did UTM.

He assaulted his mate with no excuse. He could've easily left her in that cell instead of making her wear a napkin and get drunk against her will. Amarantha didn't even care when he paraded her around and only got mad when she saw them kissing.

The children of the Winter Court that were killed, I don't know why it was brushed off with no consequences because who else would have done it? Daematis are extremely rare, and somehow, there was another one powerful trapped under the mountain, but he doesn't know who? Another Daemati who was working for Amarantha and didn't call out Rhysand on the Claire Beddor lie?

God, this turned into a rant, I know, and I'm sorry, lol.

I personally don't see a redemption arc satisfying enough happening or at all really. I read somewhere that Rhysand was created after SJM's husband Josh... yk where I'm going with this.

Anyway, if you sat through this, thanks!

[crguang]

feel like the only way i can see kafhime be so soft is if we go with an AU where kafhime got together before astral express and stellaron hunters. and they broke up due to their opposing natures as astral express and stellaron hunters are symbolized to the opposites of one another in many ways, including their path.

astral express cares about the journey while stellaron hunters care about the ending. and they break up on a bitter note and go with their life.

EXACTLYYYYYYY UGH!!!! i feel like such a contrarian cause everyone loves kfhm but unless they met before a LOT of things happened canonically and have some sort of history they make no senseeee, kafka is everything himeko hates. himeko is everything kafka could never bother to be. the SH and the express crew are ultimately working for the same goal but the SH are undeniably more selfish about it, and they believe that the end justifies the means when that’s not a value of the express crew at all. trailblaze vs finality. their core values don’t align and that’s what’s so interesting about their relationship with each other and the TB, who’s known both sides (even if they cant remember they still have a relationship with the SH). characterization wise i just don’t see canon himeko letting her guard down for someone like kafka and vice versa, i think the destroying planets part would be enough for her to never wanna see kafka again personally

it’s also what currently irks me about how the stellaron hunters are perceived in the game, they have everybody be friends when they shouldn’t be like😭 in the recent event march is acting all buddy buddy with silver wolf like she wasnt ready to leave the luofu to deal with their stellaron crisis alone just because kafka was the one telling them to go there… like she got so heated seeing kafka but SW helps her out once (cause she’s the TB’s friend) and suddenly there’s no animosity towards what the SH do, i don’t get it. and it’s not himeko’s politeness towards firefly to work towards a common goal (saving penacony) either, she was trying to cheer her up and everything like what’s going on… what happened to “we’re not your friends why should we care”?😭

i also recently saw one of topaz’s voice lines about them and it’s just something like “i’m not familiar with their work but they have an excellent credit score”… YOU WORK FOR THE IPC?????? in kafka’s trailer she literally breaks into pier point (ipc hq) and kills a bunch of them. you’re telling me she doesnt give a fuck?… i get that she only works for one division of the ipc but how is she not familiar with some of their work like that sounds so stupid. jade i understand because that woman is evil herself so im not surprised she sees the SH as an opportunity/investment rather than condemn their actions. but it’s just crazy because you don’t get a 10.99 billion dollars bounty playing with kittens. i feel like the natural reaction to them would be “i don’t like those guys actually” but no one cares😭😭 it’s a little annoying bc i love that the SH aren’t good people but they’re not treated with the ire they deserve and it’s lame. commit to the bit!!!!!

all that to say that himeko’s the one person i would never want to change her mind about them because her understanding/empathy should have its limits. their actions are despicableeee firefly can act as cute and shy as she wants, that machine probably has killed so many people bruh. they make their own choices and should be held accountable for them otherwise it’s just lame and there are no stakes to that story imo. ive had that on my chest for the longest time im sorry i used your ask to dump it all but omg it was annoying me so bad😭😭😭

[eddiegettingshot]

okay. mourning s1-s4 tim minear anon here. just finished my season 3 rewatch and ohhhhh boy oh boy. honestly I could write so much about that finale alone because s6 and s7 have made me forget what a good finale can be (athough I will say that the s3 finale has me thinking a wholeeee bunch of insane things about the s7 finale like buddie things and how the writing choices are were insane (complementary) that I will not elaborate on here because Im already rambling too much about how good s3 is). but genuinely all the character arcs were SO GOOD this season its insane. athena (hate the copaganda here but the general emotional journey with athena and athena/may): establishing what being a cop means to her -> showing that not even the murder of her fiance could sway her from policing and finally arresting the man that did it -> experiencing something traumatic first hand that makes her question her ability to do the job again. and then may: hating what her mom does, going as far as to write her college essay about it, then insisting on taking the pictures with her mom for prom despite her injuries from policing/not being ashamed of her. and also appreciating it to the point of also wanting to help people but as an acab truther pursuing a different way of doing it (911 operator. also imagine they made may a cop thank god that didnt happen lmao). michaels feeling of loneliness and isolation leading up to his diagnosis, then ending the season by meeting his endgame and knowing he gets to live. buck starting the season being insecure about losing his place with the 118 and being the person left behind again and ending the season confronting the last person who left him + feeling secure in his relationships with the 118. bobby's refusal to let buck do anything at the beginning of the season due to his injury + general recklessness vs doing buck's suggested rescue to save both victims. both the henren IVF/fostering arc AND the hen arc were great and thank god because the henren of it all was seriously lacking before this season. but hitting the girl with the ambulance -> reconnecting with her first rescue -> introducing her issues with Drs and their ability to listen and help patients to their full ability -> pursuing med school SO GOOD. and remember when madney used to get character arcs UGHH soooo good. developing chim + his mom/albert/his dad more. having maddie actually confront what happened with doug via therapy (btw maddie stalker plot good example of how to do an insane storyline well!!). this leading into the love confession and also the conclusion/start to the pregnancy arc they set up in !!! episode 1 !!! them not just dropping the josh arc completely after the heist trauma he suffered and seeing it through to a satisfying conclusion. and like I do have one nitpick in hindsight like the eddie arc was so good up until he got caught in the fighting ring and he cried about the divorce and then it was just never brought up again in favour of doing the mini chris stories in 3x10/3x12/3x15. like you literally had a chance to address and conclude eddie's mourning shannon arc in eddie begins or the episodes surrounding that and just didnt LMAO idk maybe they had plans and it got scrapped for the buck/red/abby arc because connie agreed to come back because really it was the only thing that did not feel concluded relative to literally every other character arc this season. anyways where is this tim. TIM WAKE UP!!! come back and give your characters arcs!!! one thing that is super obvious from rewatching the early seasons is there is still SO MUCH interesting stuff to explore with these characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am begging please give eddie a story with a satisfactory conclusion please give maddie and chim stories please stop torturing hen and karen via fostering/adoption please conclude a buck plot in satisfactory fashion please have bobby and athena explore his past properly please make ravi a main

ohhhh my god THIS MADE ME MOURN S3 TOO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 what the fuck COME BACK TIM 😭😭😭😭😭 i want him BACK 😭😭😭😭😭

[julik0vatay]

Hollow Knight keeps my attention in background while Im busy with other things so I am once again writing for sake of getting it all out of my head.

There's 3.7k words result under the cut.

Time loop with all endings smashed together, with some fix-it post-game speculations. Mainly focuses on The Knight and their journey, the Void, and finding hope in others. Not all characters appear, but its implied most characters survive. Alot of things are vague on purpose. Somewhat open but still happy ending.

Also posted on AO3!

Fool's errand

***** They walk the road under their feet like an ignorant fool first time. Everything fresh in its decaying glory, and they don't recognize a thing in their path. There is only vague need to go, and unfamiliar faces telling them they have places to be, and they follow, getting lost in the process.

They die a lot for their ignorance. They get used to it.

They end up their journey chained for cause they don't quite understand. And when they see no way out of that… Void (nothing but misery and regret) swallows them whole.

---

They wake up with a sense of deja vu accompanying their every step. They walk the road careful and methodic, noting every crossroad on their path. They listen carefully to words of not-so-unfamiliar faces now, but it seems like all roads lead to their demise, one way or another. And they could live die with it but it seems fates of others aren't much better no matter how careful they thread their steps.

They let their frustration out on the damned, bitterly think their fate is already sealed (ha!), and prolong the inevitable with wandering this cursed place. They get some insight for their troubles at least. There is a bigger picture they're trying to puzzle together but its not quite working yet.

When they exhaust their excuses they reach their end. They end up damning another along with them. And Void (full of guilt) swallows them whole.

---

They wake up and question their sanity. There is familiar road under their feel and friendly bugs who don't recognize them. Familiar weight of their nail gives them no hope for way out. They find lighter weapon to wield. This one feels heavy on their very soul instead.

They can carry that weight. They will carry everyone's regrets if they must. This place belongs to them by birthright after all, and they refuse to damn anyone else still lingering in these paths. They've seen more than enough deaths they couldn't prevent.

And when a crack in armor is presented to them they don't hesitate to slip their weapon in. There is bittersweet satisfaction of finally reaching source of their sorrows (some of them anyway).

There is other one by their side, restless and tired of fighting. They all can finally find piece. And yet… Void (full of hopes) drowns what is left of them.

---

They wake up and don't do a thing the way they're told. There are places to be and things to do and maybe they can find another way, save more than just a dozen lost souls if they try. Call them selfish and stubborn but there are bugs they don't want to see dead again. Call them fool for playing with fates against gods. They won't even try to deny.

They make their way in dreams and wonder if they leave a trace. Would someone remember their face when all is done? Would they want to be forgotten instead?

Climbing up is something they've done for half of their life (other half would be digging deeper). They're good at that. But this climb is harder than anything they've ever done, taking everything from them to keep their focus sharp on the goal.

At what point do they loose themselves in fighting?

Sight of their doomed siblings fills them rage. This is what was taken from them, and their judgement will be the price.

They rise and Void follows. They win and they loose themselves. They tear old light apart. Void (rage) swallows them both.

And Void is hungry in its wake and they can't do anything but watch as they're swept away in this sea of darkest tears. There is no voice to scream that this is not what they wanted.

Void (heavy and numbing) lulls them to sleep.

---

They wake up. They think for a long time.

They will try again. But this is not how they want things to end. They want to leave behind seeds of hope, not destruction. Even this damned trice over place deserves hope. They all deserve some hope.

They find new quest for themselves.

They're no gardener but leaving flowers behind seems like good idea at the time. They think of bugs they now hold dear in their mind. It is a good place to start.

Not everyone they succeed in finding. They still leave flowers behind. Even those that fall appart in their clumsy hands may one day grow. They desperately hope it's enough.

There are bugs who refuse their offerings. Sister, scolding them for stalling. Dear friend, looking too lost in thoughts. Cheerful miner they're afraid to approach. Troupe master, only smiling at them before offering another dance. Lady they hesitate to call mother, offering a warning they don't understand. Snarky nailsmith, threatening to trash it.

But they still leave flowers behind.

They leave them on graves and in bugs hands and in places noone visits and they hope.

They give one to Elder bug, their first friend here. He's happy with present and it fills them with satisfaction of a job well done.

They leave one on kingdom's edge. They leave one next to road leading to fallen palace. They leave some for dreamers still sleeping.

They leave one next to their doomed still sealed sibling. Like a promize.

They give one to Seeker who calls them names. For giving them hope. And just as much - for themselves. If they fail again, this will be their grave. They already accepted that.

If there's nothing but demise waiting for them then at least they could try to save everyone else.

They try not to think about how they're their father's child, biting more than they could swallow. But. They're full of Void and Void is always hungry. They'll manage or die trying. And then try again.

They walk fallen kingdom's dreams. They can almost feel more unseen eyes on them. Not just seekers but bugs sleeping and dreaming of them. They wonder how others see them in their sleep. Do they see shadows creeping under their feet, looming over their mask? Do they see Void's countless eyes blinking back?

Sometimes they almost convince themselves they can hear their friends' voices calling out to them, cheering on them. They aren't sure it's wishful thinking or results of their efforts. They hold onto them regardless. This is what they are fighting for.

Their sister's dream is as sharp as when she is awake. Name freely given, name reluctantly accepted, name now cherished sounds harsh and true with her voice. They're nothing but Ghost and this will be enough. They decided so themselves.

Their lost kin is but a lingering wisper.

Their doomed sibling still standing tall and proud. Not loosing battle yet loosing war. They're here to change that. Even if it hurts every time they try.

They make this climb and they walk these stairs and they know what is waiting for them and they feel Void following their every step. And bright old light ahead can try to blind them all it wants. That won't stop them. Just watch.

They rise. They fall. Void (full of everything they ever loved and hated) welcomes them in.

They're storm within themselves. Sea current drags them along familiar path but this time they refuse to go under. It's not enough. Just by themselves it's not enough to lift sorrows of many. They try anyway. This is what they came here for. Hope.

Somewhere some part of them finds a speck of light.

And everything goes still.

*****

Hornet thinks they stalk her dreams sometimes. She can never quite catch their facemask anymore, only a shadow hiding in shadows. Footsteps fading in rustle. Clank of metal against stone. Ghost of a ghost.

But never in waking world. This one is full of dealing with survivors. Which there are surprisingly many considering circumstances. She blames Ghost for that.

She isn't quite sure what her place in this mess should be. She's survivor and fighter and self-proclaimed protector and yet she's restless and can't find her footings with so many bugs moving in and out and about.

And then there is her somehow still alive half-sibling. Not a vague figure in her memory but a breathing half-broken living thing. How to deal with this she doesn't know either. She did her part helping with what she could but wounds of mind are harder to heal than wounds of body. This is not her battle to fight.

She looks at what is left of crumbled kingdom and for the first time wonders if this one is not her fight either. There are bugs still standing and willing to build new life. They don't need her that much even if she is willing to help sometimes.

She decides to think about this later, when her mind isn't busy with more important things like survival.

---

They no longer have a title or a name they could call their own, even in the quiet of their mind. The mere fact that it is now QUIET there still leaves them baffled. They forgot it could be like this.

It gets noisier sometimes, when there are many things to keep track of, bugs coming in and coming out and none of them they recognize. Even princess (sister…) looks much older and stands much taller than they could recall. Then again their memory is patchy at best and painful at worst.

The one they recognize only stops by their dreams. The one who answered their silent cry for help. The one they never saw with their own eyes after waking (at least they think they didn't?).

Their mask is a mirror to their own, long outgrown. Their face is now marred with scar deep crack right in the middle, making two halves, held together by sheer force of will. They don't hide the damage even if it's not quite real. Shadows cling to them like cloak, long and ever changing, trail under their footsteps, wispy fog over their head. They never stay for long, only check on them and then fade away in shadows where they came from.

They appreciate visits being short. It's hard to decide how to act with someone who is your saviour and not-quite-but-not-quite-not a new God.

Still, they wish they could reach out. But when they try they can feel only Void wispering back. They aren't sure if they're deaf or just forgot how to listen.

And when they wake they're busying themselves with sights of everything and anything and there's much to think and they do just that - watch and listen and think.

They have life to live. They never expected to have that chance. They will not let it slip out of their hands. It is a promise in a form of a flower and they will try their best to keep it. Price for this was way too high.

This line of thought almost sends them down the spiral but they catch themselves. Not again. They did not survive this long going down that road.

One day at a time.

---

Quirrel finds himself lost in quite uncomfortable way. He was this close to calling it quits on this whole adventuring thing (and more than that but he's not going tell another living soul how close he was to the edge of water that day).

And now there is someone he expected long dead - awake and just as confused as he is - and he's running errands like a young fool again. And quite frankly he'd rather be elsewhere. He is too old for this! Life he was sure he left behind bites him in new ways every day he's here and what is worse he can't find one person he wants to see the most!

How come on all their journey over Hallownest they've met so many times but now that apparently infection is over he can't find a single trace of them?? Did they really meet their demise? He was really doubting that, after personally watching them fight.

But the longer he searches the more he looses hope. Everyone he asks gives him same answers - they've met his wandering friend before infection was wiped out (And wiped out it was!! Leaving no traces to examine but corpses!!) but never after.

He's sure lost wanderer is behind that. It's the HOW that confuses him more than anything. Last times he saw them were when they hesitated to break the seal - he could understand that, there were always things to prepare beforehand - and then when he wentured for blue lake, too tired of waiting for their return.

This one memory is a bit hazy, but he thinks they tried to give him something… Some pretty thing that felt too fragile in his rough tired hands so he gave it back with polite shake of head.

He regrets not holding onto it now. What was it that they offered him? Was it somehow important?

Could it be answer to their fate?

He finds half of an answer in place where he started his descend. Eldery bug, holding onto precious looking flower. It stirs his memory enough to ask. Elder is more than happy to talk but there is melancholy in their voice.

– Amazing flora, isn't it? It is a gift from a friend. I haven't seen them travelling through this old town in awhile… It got much livelier here since then. Doesn't feel like ghost town anymore. Too bad my friend isn't here to see. I wonder if they are wandering farther somewhere now…

That night Quirrel dreams of his silent companion. They're sitting on the bench in hotspring on the lake's edge next to him. They're holding pale looking flower, nothing but memory of a real thing. They don't look at him but still offer it to him. This time he accepts. It hits him like a blow that this could be second time they're saying goodbye.

Words feel wrong when he finally forces himself to say:

– Is this truly your end? Somehow I never expected to outlive someone so resilient as you, my friend..

They turn to him and breath catches in his throat as he looks at their mask, tracing with eyes deep crack running down right between their eyes. No ordinary bug could survive injury this bad. But they're not ordinary bug and he did see them survive similar looking wound.

He tries again:

– Surely that couldn't be it? I've seen you healing cracks before.. Unless this one runs deeper than that?..

They stare at him, as if thinking. Then shrug. He's not getting answers that easy.

When he wakes up there is a petal on his face. But he can barely remember his dream.

---

They linger in dreams for a sole reason of not finding a way out. Seeker no longer here, swept under raging storm they created and with that voice quiet they can't find an anchor.

Dreams of bugs come and go and they cannot manage to do much more than watch.

It makes their hands itchy for action. Pantheon stands quiet without Seeker to channel it.

Familiar faces are the only solace they can find.

They watch from shadows their sister's battles - with herself and the world they left behind. They don't go any closer. No reason to add another problem to already growing pile of them. She'll manage just fine without them, she did so long before they came back here.

Their taller sibling dreams rarely and all their dreams are a patchwork of pains long ignored. They don't hide themselves here because Void has no reason to hide from Void but they don't stay for long. Their fate won't be another burden on battered shell of their sibling. Let them heal.

Many bugs blink on their awareness, some more often than others. It warms their non-existent heart that they left something behind to be remembered by. That there are bugs still alive to remember them.

Nightmare flame visits once in a while with a polite bow. They can't decide if he appoves or not the fate they choose for themselves. They bow back regardless. It's nice to feel heat radiating from him. They don't mind another dance.

Void below their feet is quieter now. Storm passed and parts of it, of them, vaporated into nothingness. Maybe they found peace. But still they linger.

Some part of them, selfish and stubborn, still wants to live. There are siblings they want to see again. There are bugs they want to visit.

They wonder if their shell is still out there, unscratched, waiting for their return.

*****

That faithful day the infection disappeared all of them woke up from the same dream. Dream of blinding light setting into inky stormy sea. Of night falling over endless day, with only stars blinking, mirrorred on sea surface.

This peaceful night all of them fall asleep to the same dream. Rain falling down, disturbing calm waters, storm brewing. There is someone lost at the sea with no anchor and no shore in sight.

---

Horner finds herself dreaming of sand under her feel. There is tide coming and she knows not to touch black waters below yet she stays where she stands.

Her red cloak and tall mask could be a beacon on its own but in case its not enough she calls out to the endless sea.

– Ghost of Hallownest!! Are you still there??

---

They dream of Void calling them in and have no choice but to answer.

They have a debt to pay.

They drop down into blackness below without hesitation and let the current drag them along.

Somewhere out there a cry of frustration sends waves over black surface. It is enough to give them direction.

They reach out.

---

Quirrel dreams of walking rocky tunnels under the lake. Claustrophobic feeling weights him down and he watches dark droplets slide down the walls as he walks.

There is pale flower in his hands and it's the only source of light guiding him in the dark. He holds it just a bit closer.

He knows somewhere out there is his lost friend. He just has to find them again.

---

Elderbug dreams of beautiful garden he wishes to grow. He hopes one day his friend will come to see it.

He's okay with waiting. They can take as much time as they need.

---

Nightmare can offer nothing but flickering firelights. They appreciate the sentiment even if it gives them no help in finding a way out.

They cry out send out a spell full of frustration before setting down again. It comes off of them in waves as they float on the surface of endless dark sea. No matter where they look they can't find solid ground anymore.

… Maybe they're approaching this all wrong.

They look back into themselves and search for something, anything. They can find nothing they haven't seen before, countless eyes looking back into themselves.

They keep looking.

They see countless lives cut shorter than blink.

They keep looking.

They see every step they made overlapping, ever-changing yet changing nothing.

They keep looking.

They keep looking until they realize some lights blinking don't belong to them.

They reach and find shiny petals swimming, shimmering in the dark.

They reach and hear voices calling for them, looking for them, waiting for them.

They reach and anchor themselves.

And then they wake up.

*****

Hornet wakes up with a feeling that certain someone did something that would result with more mess she'll have to deal with. Again.

She reaches for her weapon. She sees her taller sibling creep out of their nest towards the well leading down. She sees them drop down and curses under her breath.

She follows.

---

They know not what changed in the Void but its something they can feel. It calls them in, somewhere down there, no longer urgent but now more solid than before.

With energy they didn't realize they had they move down, down, down, towards source of disturbance.

They have pretty good idea what and who they're going to find.

---

Several bugs wake up feeling like they missed something important, unable to pin down what it was. And Myla, one of them, can do nothing but sing herself back to sleep.

Surely tomorrow she'll remember.

Surely.

---

The Teacher is frantically writing down notes when Quirrel finds her awake. Before he can even raise his voice there's a paper showed in his hands and he's walked out of the door he just came in.

– We have new readings and a direction! Go check it out, would you? We have no time to waste!

Scratching his head he looks at the mess in his hands. It's a rough map with several places marked for checking and he can't help but think that his friend's maps were far easier to understand.

Well, he was about to say he's leaving anyway. Latest dream left him aching for another search attempt. He might as well see what all this noise is about on the way.

---

They wake up.

There is headache coming in waves and everything swims before their eyes.

But they're awake now and it's all that matters.

They attempt to get up. Their body feels weak. Weaker than at the very start of they journey. With aching limbs they push themselves from the ground. They feel heavy. They are heavy. In fact they can barely fit into their old shell and they feel Void almost spilling over.

They feel pressure building behind their eyes.

They make first reluctant step.

*CRACK*

Thin line runs down their eye and they can do nothing but hold it down.

They're fragile. They will destroy their shell from within like this. This just won't do.

In attempt to release the pressure they try to heal. It helps nothing and leaves them drained instead. Well, so much for that.

They think about dreams. They let themselves spill into shadows under their feet. There, that will work for now. There is now a moving, horned, blinking puddle of Void looking back at them from the floor. Technically, still part of them. But it feels lighter this way.

They let themselves rest for another moment before trying to move again. Void clings to their feet and follows. It dances and thins and creeps like normal shadow would. Just much darker. Much longer. They can work with this.

They need to get out of here and deal with that crack before it gets worse. They have a sinking feeling it will leave a mark they won't be able to fix.

Its okay. They survived worse.

And most importantly…

They will see everyone soon.

[monstertidbits]

hi i loved this finale very much i love falin and im so happy shes back...... also im obsessed with the choice to make laios forever unable to indulge his monster autism, and making him king. ITS SO INTERESTING i love this direction even though it sucks for laios, maybe there is something to be said about how you don't always achieve the thing you want most in life and that's okay, and the life you live is still worth a lot.... and also it's so something to me that laios is being such an adult about this, like yeah he wishes he was having fun doing his own thing and he really doesn't want to be king, but SOMEONE has to and unfortunately for him he's the absolute best candidate (((PRECISELY BECAUSE OF HOW WEIRD HIS PRIORITIES ARE))), so he'll do it, AND HE'LL DO IT WELL, he'll be the awesome, competent and kind ruler, but he'll still be kinda sad and mopey about not getting what he wanted. LIKE HE'S SUCH A GOOD KING, he brought so much good into this world, but he doesn't get particularly high and mighty about it because he doesn't really care that much about being a king. HE'S SO CHILL ABOUT IT!!!! motherfucker really ushers in a time of prosperity and peace, and he's still just sitting on his throne thinking "man.......... the monsters will NEVER hang out with me........... what is this life......." I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUUUUUUUCHHHHH i love that his whole future thjng is not getting what he wanted at all but absolutely excelling at the thing hes doing (that doesn't really do anything for him). absolute icon and my personal hero

NONNIEEE YEAHHH!!! I remember back when i first read ch60 and i was like "wait... this feels wrong", not liking the idea of laios becoming a king bc i knew it wasn't what he "really wanted". but now, after reading how he actually got to that point, it makes sense. and it's still kinda bittersweet. because we know that his interest in monsters was amplified and became all consuming bc of his struggle to connect with other people, feeling alienated everywhere he went. so not being able to interact with monsters much anymore and being a king of other humans is actually forcing him to face all those fears and struggles he was running away from all this time, and learn to define himself outside of his expertise. watching the best and worst of humanity so very closely as their ruler, and finding his own place among them. but the thing is, he always had a home to return to in the few people he loved. and that's why, through all the hardships and pain, it's still worth it. he was ready to have something taken away from him and quite literally had to give up his most defining trait. so who is he now? can he manage without the comfort of monsters?

the answer is yes. he is not alone. and it may not be the most satisfying conclusion for him but it might be what he needed most. to learn how to live in peace with his own self, with the world surrounding him. and all being said, it was pointed out time and time again: how he wasn't really planning for the future, how he didn't have any strong conviction leading him. but it all changed after he killed his sister with his own hands. i think chapter 67 was a defining moment in laios's journey for many reasons, but especially this: for once, he chose not to run away. he decided that HE will be the one to challenge his fate and bend it as he wishes. otherwise, he could've given up on resurrecting falin long ago. but he didn't, not just for the sake of his sister but those people who put their faith in them and tried their best FOR them. it's ironic, how it was precisely inside the monsters' world that he was finally able to connect with the humans he despised so much in the most genuine way. and after facing the absolute worst, he can definitely find in himself the strength to deal with anything, king or not. so like you said- the man is gonna be fine somehow. i love him so much

[stateswscarlet]

Hi!! thanks to you and your threads i finally manifested my sp after (wait for it…. this will be long!!!)

3 years of separation and 1 year of no contact!!!!!!!!!!!!

let this me a reminder to anyone out there struggling or thinking time matters. i was in such a lack state for years and had horrible things happen between sp and i but im telling you i took a healthy way to do this and remembered theres nothing i can do to “make” it happen. i reread so many of your threads and read edward art series from a new set of eyes and decided to calmly shift my state ONCE without the expectation of perfection, making something happen, waiting for the 3D, etc (all of which I did unfortunately for a year and a half and never manifested anything “big”) i just shifted my state FOR me 100%. in that moment i didn’t even care about sp, about 3d, about reflecting, heck i didnt even care if i shifted states right. i just DID IT. now ik what you and alia meant by “just do it” because THERE IS NO OTHER WAY.

anyways after i shifted my state (probably for the first or for real this time in my whole journey), i felt nothing unusual or different in a huge way (coz why would i? if im with sp i wont feel special all day) and i KID YOU NOT SCAR I think it was like maybe 3-4 hours later he (sp) CALLED me on “accident” THREE times. I was so confused as I didn’t have his number saved yet as I recently got a new phone, but then I got a text from him saying it was *his name* and if this number still belongs to me. I didn’t even panic or freak out or even think “omg i manifested this bc of my state!” i just approached it normally and replied saying it was my number. He then told me “suddenly” he keeps getting reminded of me and has been missing me for a while and wanted to see me. We decided to catch up after uni last weeks monday and it was SO GOOD. he “changed” in good ways and yes i will admit it was awkward at first because we hadn’t talked in so long nor been alone with each other but that went away so fast!!!! we kept seeing each other daily for a week and he confessed he likes me a lot, and I did too and told him ive been missing him. he said nothing ever compared to me and that the breakup hit him hard but he hid it from me. he said he has been missing me for a year now (proof that i actually shifted states and dealt with a “new” sp because a year ago he told me he dislikes me, is completely over the relationship and told me to move on because it had been 2 years at that point and he was thinking of seeing someone else). this week on wednesday he took me on a date to our old special place in my city and officially asked me to be his girl!!!!!!

so from shifting my state ONCE and all the way to relationship it took a little under 2 weeks.

oh also - just because in my story i only shifted my state properly once dont mean anyone else is wrong for doing it multiple times!!! a KEY part of the law is knowing that WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU AND IS NATURAL TO YOU IS WHAT WILL “WORK”. whatever YOU ENJOY imagining is what will shift your state!!!! STOP trying to do everything and worry about stuff thats not yours to worry about and JUST IMAGINE.

thank you again to the loa/ss community and especially you Scar!!! I will most likely still be lurking and supporting you and my other favourites on twt but not as active anymore ;)

OMGGG CONGRATS ANONNNN 🥳 🎉🎊👏🏻🪅

this makes me sooo happy and proud thank you for sharing your success and how you did it!