#i think they both smell like autism and both deal with socializing by projecting a lot of confidence and being bluntly honest

[gaydogmarriage]

ppl are always depicting cyno in fanon as a comic relief annoying idiot partner to tighnari that cannot read the room and is always making him angry and yeah he doesn't have the best social skills and doesn't understand other people that well, but he knows that. and he also knows tighnari well enough to know that if he truly was annoyed with his behavior to the point of getting angry, he would shut that shit down real quick. he's not the type of person to just sit there and take it if he's genuinely bothered, i think. cyno's just putting himself out there without letting himself be paralyzed by his own shortcomings or insecurities, and it's pretty clear tighnari doesn't want him to repress himself either.

if anything, i can see tighnari being the one with an annoying habit in private that he has 0 self awareness about because he's so used to being the one dealing with other people's bullshit that he may not realize when he's the culprit for once, and cyno is too much of an unbothered king to say anything about it, and too madly in love to stay annoyed for long lol

[nepenthendline]

A Characterisation/Writing Guide - Autism and ADHD

Hi everyone! This post is going to be a guide on how to accurately write characters with Autism and ADHD. I have been so many works where Autism and ADHD have been terribly written - using so many stereotypes and just nonsense that has nothing to do with neurodivergences, so I hope this helps educate writers and give them more confidence to write such characters.

For reference, I have Autism and ADHD, as well as many friends with either, therefore this information is coming directly from a neurodivergent.

This guide will be split into three parts: characterisation in both Autism and ADHD, Autism chracterisation and ADHD characterisation. This being because Autism and ADHD, while two different disorders, do have some overlaps. 

TERMS:

Neurodivergent - describes those differing in mental or neurological function from what is considered typical or normal

Neurotypical - describes those who are considered normal and do not differ in mental or neurological function

NOTE - Not everyone is the same. Everyone is different and will act and feel in different ways, this is simply an overview of how Autism and ADHD typically can be characterised

MUTUAL CHARACTERISATION OF AUTISM AND ADHD:

As mentioned before, both Autism and ADHD do have overlapping traits that can make them look similar at times, although it is important to remember they are two very different disorders. 

Autism and ADHD are NOT mental illnesses or learning disabilities. They are neurological disorders that people are born with, and cannot be treated or cured. Neurodivergents can learn techniques to help manage their difficulties, however. It is important to note that while these are not mental illnesses, it is very common for neurodivergents to have mental illnesses (particularly anxiety or depression) or struggle with learning as a result of their difficulties.

MASKING:

Masking is a technique that neurodivergents develop in order to act or speak in a way that is ‘socially acceptable’ or neurotypical by observing and replicating neurotypicals in different situations. This includes subjects such as not stimming/keeping still, not saying particular things, following social cues, speaking with specific tones at specific times and so on. 

Not every neurodivergent will mask but most do. Everyone does this to a different extent; some mask 24/7 to the point where you would barely be able to recognise any ‘abnormal’ traits, whereas others only mask in more serious or professional situations and let loose around friends or family. It is up to you as the writer to decide how your character will mask, however there tend to be some trends. For example, those with high-function Autism (especially girls) are much better maskers than low-functioning Autism (especially boys).

Masking is exhausting; it takes a lot of effort to, essentially, act as a completely different person for the entire day. This does not mean that neurodivergents are two-faced in any aspect however. Neurodivergents simply tweak their existing personalities to ‘fit in’ with the people or situation. 

Masking in writing:

It is quite difficult to write masking as the person is essentially just acting like ‘normal’. However, there are some things you can include that help demonstrate masking:

 Adapted stims* that are much smaller and undetectable than a person’s usual stims, such as fiddling with their fingers or edge of their sleeve, looking around often or slight movements such as swaying or playing with jewellery they are wearing 

 Speaking more or less than usual and with much more changes in their pitch and tone

Slight cracks in a character’s masking, such as stimming when others aren’t looking, not holding eye-contact when speaking, face or tone falling flat at points

*Stims will be explained in the next section

STIMMING:

Stimming refers to self-stimulating, repetitive behaviours that are done to often calm a person down when in stress, or to show high levels of emotion such as happiness. Both neurodivergents and neurotypicals stim, however there are some difference. 

The most common examples of stims are bouncing your leg when sitting in a chair, clicking your pen repeatedly or tapping on a table, which are things that most people have done at some point. The difference is that neurodivergents have a lot less control over their stims, and they tend to be much ‘bigger’, louder, distracting or harmful. It is also much more difficult for a neurodivergent to stop or ‘hold in’ their stims, causing more stress and agitation. Some people have small stims like fiddling with their hands, others have much bigger stims like waving their arms around, and some have harmful stims such as scratching or banging their head against a wall. 

Stimming in writing:

If you are ever asked to write about how a character would help someone else/a reader with their stimming, please never ever write about the character stopping the other person/reader. This is extremely harmful for the stimming character and projects a view that stimming is bad or ‘naughty’, and many people have faced trauma over being forced to stopped stimming as it is seen as disrespectful or distracting. Stimming is often one of the only ways neurodivergents can clearly express their emotions. If you stop a stim, the person will simply stim in another way. Instead, try these ways:

Stim toys that the character can use, these are often small and discrete, and can allow the character to stim without harmful, loud or large movements

Distracting the character with something else, possibly an activity, something to hold, or audio/visual distractions

Reassure the character that these stims are ok and they are safe to do around other characters

Take notice of the situation the character is in, why are they stimming? Are they anxious? Are they excited? It is better to prevent the situation in the case of stress rather than try and stop the person from stimming, and allow the character to stim when feeling happy

In romantic situations, allowing the character to stim with their partner shows high levels of trust and acceptance, and it is also comforting for the stimming character to often use aspects of their partner to stim, such as playing with their partner’s fingers or hair

Exercise is a great way of helping those who stim often to release pent up energy

Stimmers can trigger other stimmers, so if you have two stimmers in a room together, chances are they will stim together, getting louder and bigger than usual

SENSORY SENSITIVTY:

Both those with Autism and/or ADHD tend to struggle with sensory sensitivity. This describes how people are easily affected by sensory input (sight, sound, taste, touch and smell). Most cases of sensory sensitivity end in distress, fear, panic and overload, however there are some people who feel comforted by high levels of sensory input. When people deal with too much sensory input, they often go into a ‘meltdown’. This is different for everyone, but often includes irritability, panic, shutting themselves off from others, extreme stimming and a feeling of being severely overwhelmed. Some people cannot speak at all during these episodes. while others may shout or make noises. They are often mistaken for tantrums, bad behaviour or just being grumpy. Young people tend to have much more active meltdowns, such as shouting, stimming, running off etc, however older people (especially girls) then to be more quiet, shut off and unable to continue speaking or doing tasks. That being said, everyone is different and anyone can have a different meltdown. 

Sensory sensitivity in writing: 

The best way to describe sensory sensitivity in writing is relating it to pain or panic. Often those with low tolerance to sensory input describe loud noises, for example, as physical pain in their head, or certain materials as making them feel faint or nauseous. 

Sensory sensitivity relates to any sense, so some people may be terrified of certain noises, feel panicked by certain smells or feelings or feel sick/vomit from certain tastes - please understand the severity of this for some people

Neurodivergents often find techniques to help them with this, such as wearing noise cancelling headphones or playing music or audio to distract them

The best way to help someone during a meltdown is to help them out of the situation and leave them to decompress. This might include letting them sit in a dark room for a while, laying in silence or touching an item/smelling something that brings them comfort

Describing a meltdown for a character can often be similarly written like a panic attack, and often meltdowns can lead to panic attacks for some people, such as an increased heart rate, sweating, crying, hyperventilating/heavy breathing etc.

Struggling to write sensory overload? Try and think how you would feel if you had 30 different voices screaming at you at once, with bright lights and super itchy clothing. Really panicked, scared and overwhelmed right? 

Those who are sensitive to sensory input often hear/feel/smell/see things much louder/easier/more extreme than others, so while something may be quiet to one person, it seems really loud to another

HABITS AND COMPLUSIONS

Neurodivergences come with a lot of habits and compulsions, somewhat similar to traits of OCD. These are things such as having to have particular routines, having to carry certain items with them at all times (mine are my BTS water bottle and earphones lol). Without fulfilling these habits, compulsions and comfort items, a person can become extremely stressed, panicked and overloaded. 

Habits and compulsions in writing:

Writing these can go from very subtle to extreme, it could be that someone has to get ready in the morning in a particular order, eat their food in a certain way/order or follow a particular route to get somewhere

The odd thing is that neurodivergents are actually pretty bad at developing habits, a neurodivergent could do the same thing over and over every single day, but completely forget to do it one day and never do it again

When writing for characters, some characters may be able to mask their distress when their habits/compulsions are not fulfilled, however others can not do so at all, but either way this sends the character into feeling of panic and distress

A character may develop certain habits/compulsions for different reasons, it could be from experiences, completely random, comforting senses or familiarity and fear 

For example when walking into my nearest town I have to walk a very specific route on a specific side of the road or I freak out, this is because it’s what I’m used to and I struggle to deal with change

Speaking of change, a character can be written as anxious or irritated when plans are changed

SPECIAL INTERESTS/HYPER-FIXATIONS:

Probably my favourite topic - neurodivergents often develop special interests and hyper-fixations. These relate to specific subjects or activities that a person will learn about or engage in with extreme focus and dedication. Some common examples are trains and butterflies, where a person will learn and memorise  every type of train, or every type of butterfly to exist, and how different trains work or the life cycles of butterflies. This can be of any topic though, as a child my personal special interest was Ancient Egypt and I spent all of my free time learning about the history. As I’ve gotten older, this has changed and my hyper-fixations have been mostly BTS and Haikyuu (with some short ones in between). 

Special interests/hyper-fixations in writing:

Info-dumping! Characters with special interests can often be written with moments of info-dumping, where they will talk about their special interest for a long period of time to someone else. They are often very excited, talk quickly and possibly even seem a little frantic when trying to explain their interest - this is something they have little control over and tend to talk for too long or at inappropriate times 

Stereotypes are often written in special interests, particularly the example I gave about trains - not every neurodivergent likes trains, please be creative when thinking about what special interest your character may have, if they have one at all

A character may have one long-standing special interest that they’ve been learning about for many years, or they can flutter between multiple hyper-fixations in the span of a few days

Hyper-fiaxtions can affect a character in ways such as forgetting to eat or sleep, forgetting to do other commitments or becoming extremely upset, stressed or unmotivated when that interest is no longer doable (such as if a TV series ends)

Some characters may be embarrassed about their interests, whereas others will happily info-dump with no concerns 

FRIENDSHIPS AND RELATIONSHIPS

Both Autism and ADHD can cause difficulties in making and keeping friendships or relationships. This is often due to struggles in communication, forgetting to speak to people, getting bored of social interaction, getting overwhelmed and feeling too ‘different’ from everyone else. Some people, however, can make friends every easily, particularly more extroverted and confident types. Autistics in particular tend to have small groups of friends that they feel truly comfortable with, and may struggle to understand why a person needs other friends/ a large group. This can lead to feelings of ejectment or jealously. A neurodivergent will often struggle to know how a person feels about them without being directly told, and will need frequent reassurance that this feeling is continuous. 

AUTISM CHARACTERISATIONS

Talking too much or very little - about 40% of people with Autism are mute, meaning they cannot speak. Characters could also be selectively mute, meaning they can only speak in situations they are comfortable with, or certain people

Autism is a communication disorder, majorly affecting a person’s ability to communicate and understand socialisation. Here is how to characterise Autism:

NOTE - I have used functioning labels here as, personally, I prefer to use them and is more often used where I am from, however some people prefer not to, please keep this in mind

Speaking out of turn - this is either because they do not understand the social cue of waiting until someone else has finished to talk, or because they will forget what is on their mind if they don’t say it immediately

Taking jokes or words literally - this can cause character’s to become distressed when they do not understand a joke, or end up doing a task that was not meant to happen because they took a conversation literally. This also include having difficulty understanding figures of speech such as ‘it’s raining cats and dogs’

Having difficulty understanding the rules of social interactions - this covers a range of things, from struggling to know what to say when speaking to a cashier at a store, to not knowing what to say in certain situations. An example of this is if someone said ‘hi, my name is ....”, the social cue is to respond with ‘hello, it’s nice to meet you, my name is ...”, however those with Autism tend not to understand this and may reply with something else. In my experiences, I often panic and say ‘thank you’ instead, despite this not being the ‘correct’ reply

Expressing the wrong emotions - Autism makes it very difficult to understand emotions, either from others or expressing them yourself. While others immediately know a smile means someone is happy, this is not something that is easy to understand in Autism. An autistic person may laugh or smile during negative situations, or look upset or mad in happy situations as they are either unaware of how they are carrying their body language, or simply do not know what body language fits with what emotion

Difficulty understanding emotion of others - whether it be verbal or non-verbal, it can be very difficult for those with Autism to understand what others are feeling and can often jump to the wrong conclusions

Using the wrong tone of voice or having a ‘robotic’ tone - For the same reason as the last point, those with Autism tend to either sound robotic at times, or use the wrong tone in the wrong situations, such as sounding angry when they are not, however they are often unaware of this when it happens. This also means they tend to be more blunt and literal in their own speech

Not understanding hints - those with Autism often need to be spoken to very directly as they struggle to understand hints or ‘read between the lines’. This could be anywhere from not understanding hints of romantic feelings, to someone mentioning that the trash is getting too full (as a hint that it needs to be taken out)

Difficulty with focus and following lists - this is an overlap with ADHD however the reasoning is often different, autistic people are often perfectionists, so if you give them a list of things to remember, they will focus so hard on remembering the first thing correctly that they forget the rest. Difficulty to focus is often due to a lack of interest in the topic 

Attention to detail and ‘all or nothing’ - Autistic people are great at paying attention to small details and often focus on that more than the big picture. They are also very ‘all or nothing’ with how they delegate their focus, if they are interested in something they will put their entire energy and focus into it until its perfect, if they aren’t interested? They probably wont do it at all, this often means that some Autistic people struggle academically because they don’t feel interested in the topics, and therefore have no motivation to do the work

Great at following rules and instructions - despite being bad at lists, Autistic people tend to be good at following rules, this is because they are often black and white, literal and easy to understand, they like structure!

Increased skills and abilities - those with autism are often more creative and intelligent in a wide variety of skills that neurotypicals, in fact to be diagnosed with high-functioning autism, you must have a higher-than-average IQ. Unfortunately the stereotype is that Autistics are dumb or stupid - this is not the case at all

Boys vs girls - everyone is different, however boys and girls tend to act very differently. Boys tend to be more extroverted and loud and particularly struggle with understanding emotions or talking in turn. Girls tend to be more introverted, quiet and can mask much better, but struggle more when knowing if it is acceptable to speak

No empathy? - this is what people often relate to Autism, however this is inaccurate. People with Autism can and do feel empathy, however it tends to be slightly different. For example, if a neurotypical told another neurotypical about a bad situation they went through, the other person would often reply with ‘I’m sorry that happened to you, I hope you feel better soon”. A neurodivergent, however, would often reply like this, “something similar happened to me once.....”. This often comes across rude to neurotypicals, however it is much easier for a neurodivergent to relate the person’s feeling to their own experiences, and share comfort by letting the person know they are not alone

Difficulty with eye contact -  good body language often explains that eye contact is key, however this is extremely difficulty for neurodivergents 

Forgetfulness - to be honest I don’t know why this is, autistics are just really forgetful. You need to repeatedly tell them to do something or they wont do it

Planning - autistics often need and enjoy planning their schedule. They find comfort in knowing exactly when, where and how things are happening and with who 

Shyness and introverted? - many autistics will be shy, introverted and struggle with social anxiety, but this is not the case for everyone. A person can be autistic and be super confident, loud and extroverted - it is a stereotype that being autistic makes you shy and quiet

REMEMBER - AUTISM IS A SPECTRUM DISORDER MEANING PEOPLE CAN RANGE FROM MILD TO SEVERE TRAITS, NOT EVERYONE WILL HAVE EVERY SINGLE TRAIT

AUTISM STEREOTYPES:

Everyone likes trains

They are rude and blunt

They are stupid/unintelligent

They cannot understand rules

They cannot feel empathy

They are quiet and shy

They are disruptive 

AD(H)D CHARACTERISATION

ADHD is a condition that affects the focus and attention of a person. Here’s how to characterise someone with ADHD:

Not everyone is hyperactive - firstly, the ‘hyperactive’ part of ADHD doesn’t often mean physically hyperactive, but a person can have ADD where they do not show hyperactive traits

Difficulty focusing - this is much more than just not being able to focus, there are many reasons as to why this is, including getting distracted easily (by external sources or their own thoughts). finding it difficult to understand social interactions, feeling overwhelmed

Hyperfocusing - on the flip side, ADHD can cause people to hyperfocus on certain things, where it takes all their time and energy and they forget to do other things such as eat or sleep

Difficulty with eye contact -  good body language often explains that eye contact is key, however this is extremely difficulty for neurodivergents 

Speaking out of turn - this is either because they do not understand the social cue of waiting until someone else has finished to talk, or because they will forget what is on their mind if they don’t say it immediately

Difficulties controlling emotions and mood swings - this is often comes out in anger and frustration. This can be for various reasons: they are frustrated that they cannot focus like others, a lack of motivation, get easily stressed and insecurity

Restlessness - this is often seen as being always ‘on the go’, they need to be busy at all times doing different activities. In writing this can be shown as excessive talking, fidgeting, getting bored easily or taking risks

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria - this is an emotional response to rejection or criticism which often looks like insecurity and anxiety. This could be real rejection, or perceived rejection, for example someone saying they are too busy to hang out may trigger an emotional response of rejection, low mood and anxiety in someone with ADHD. This can also lead to anger or panic, and causes people to become ‘people pleasers’ or not try at all

Poor organisation - the opposite of Autism where those with ADHD struggle with planning, organising, misplacing items and keeping things tidy. It is difficult to understand priorities, separate relevant and irrelevant information and time management. Those with ADHD often begin tasks and do not finish them due to restlessness, distractions or feeling overwhelmed by the task

Difficulties starting tasks - ADHD can make it very difficult to begin tasks as they feel too overwhelming, difficult or take too much focus. Breaking down tasks into smaller sections can help this a lot

Forgetfullness - out of sight, out of mind is often the case with ADHD, and so things like post-it notes and reminders can help people remember things they need to do

Multiple thoughts at once - neurotypicals tend to only have one thought/idea in their head at a time, however those with ADHD often juggle multiple thoughts which can lead to distraction and frustration

‘All or nothing’ - Those with ADHD tend to be ‘all or nothing’ with how they delegate their focus, if they are interested in something they will put their entire energy and focus into it until its perfect, if they aren’t interested? They probably wont do it at all, this often means that those with ADHD may struggle academically because they don’t feel interested in the topics. Unlike Autism, they tend not to focus well with repetitive  tasks as this lacks simulation

Medication - unlike Autism, ADHD can be helped with stimulant medication that allows them to focus a bit better. This is not a cure as ADHD cannot be cured, however it can be beneficial to some to help manage their struggles

Acting without thinking and being impulsive - to find some stimulation, those with ADHD may act without thinking of their consequences, or can engage in risky behaviour as other avenues may seem boring, please note this is not the case for everyone, and these ‘risks’ may be very mild like trying a new flavour of ice cream. They can act impulsively too and struggle to wait their turn

Communication difficulties - while ADHD is not a communication disorder, it can have affects on communication such as talking out of turn, starting conversations at the wrong times, being insensitive to particular topics or getting too distracted to focus on the conversation

Need reminders to take care of themselves - due to a mix of hyperfocusing and not focusing well, those with ADHD may often forget to do things such as eat, drink, sleep or shower

Quite easy to get their attention - when someone with ADHD is daydreaming, getting distracted or not focusing, it can be as simple as giving them a tap or a smile to bring their attention back to the matter at hand, even if these needs to be done multiple times

Rewarding behaviour - this technique works well as rewarding good behaviour releases dopamine, which is the hormone often lacked in those with ADHD, this allows people to connect activities and behaviours with positive feelings and are more likely to do it again in the future

ADHD STEROTYPES:

ADHD is ‘diet’ Autism

Those with ADHD cannot sit still

They are disruptive

Everyone with ADHD is hyperactive, loud and extroverted

[amethyst-beetle]

Stanford Pines is autistic

This is a Gravity falls post, and I'm going to be talking about how Stanford Pines has ASD (Autism Spectrum disorder). Before I get into it I'd just like to say this is inspired by a different post on how Ford is autistic. The original post is here https://thegraftedbranch.tumblr.com/post/649573590709288960/why-stanford-pines-from-gravity-falls-is-autistic

Here are the symptoms of ASD that Ford displays throughout the show:

-Has a hard time keeping eye contact or avoids it

-Has a hard time with facial expressions

-Dislikes touch, prefers to do their thing alone

-Has a hard time expressing emotions

-Very empathic or not empathic at all

-Has a hard time with non verbal social ques

-Hurts themselves without realizing it

-Gets upset if a plan is changed and/or has a hard time adapting to change

-Is unusually sensitive to lights/touches/smells (but may not be affected by pain or temperature)

-Has hyper-fixations

-Doesn't understand certain parts of speech (jokes/metaphors)

-Makes jokes/says things that normally don't make sense

-Makes strange connections to relate to someone/thing

-Is confused by emotions

-Has inappropriate reactions to events

Here are some complications of ASD that I've noticed in Ford:

-social isolation

-being bullied

Now to the analysis

Season 2, Episode 12 is where we first meet Stanford Pines, or Ford. The first thing he does upon seeing his brother for the first time in 30 years is punch Stan in the face when Stan was clearly very happy to see him, which is a bit odd, in my opinion. In the first 2 minutes of the episode we can already see maybe Ford isn't as affected by pain, and may not be very empathic. We can see that after Stan gets punched, he rubs his jaw but Ford doesn't even touch his fist, and I can imagine punching someone in the jaw hurts on both ends.

A few seconds later, Ford sees Mable and Dipper, and Stan explains that they're his family. While Stan tells him this, Ford doesn't make eye contact while Stan is trying to.

When Ford finds out that the FBI are surrounding the shack, he's the only person to go to the journal and start thinking of a plan, showing he needs a plan to deal with large issues.

Onto the flashback. This part of the episode is extremely important because it shows what Stan and Ford were like when they were younger. The first time we see Ford in this flashback is when he's alone on his bed, drawing supernatural creatures, while Stan is running around and playing.

This tells us two things, from a young age, Ford seemed to enjoy being alone and doing his own thing, and always enjoyed the supernatural, which could be seen as a long term hyper-fixation. Ford also jumps right off of his top bunk, which may point to him not processing pain or being affected by it as much as everyone else.

When the flashback shows Ford winning the award for his science project, Stan hugs him, and Ford gives an uncomfortable smile, but goes along with it. This points to him not being very comfortable with touch and not being able to express his emotions.

Throughout the flashback he's seen having an extreme interest in science and the supernatural, and he also doesn't make too many diverse facial expressions.

When that first half of the flashback ends, Mable suggests the two hug it out. Ford looks back at Stan because he knows Stan would hug someone, but Stan doesn't look back because he knows Ford wouldn't hug anyone.

Fords half of the flashback starts, and he says something that resonates with me, an autistic person. "In a place like that I had to work twice as hard. Luckily, that's what I do best.". This stuck out to me because as an autistic person I've always felt I've needed to work twice as hard just to get the same result as everyone else.

Ford also talks about how he was ahead of schedule in his academics, and it's shown that he doesn't even look away from his research. That can all be seen as a hyper-fixation and an extreme special interest in science. Another thing to mention is that when he gets his own grant, he's not making eye contact with the person who gives it to him.

In Fords flashback, after he gets to gravity falls a large hand grabs his car and drags it off, and Ford seems very excited to see this, which I see as an inappropriate reaction.

When Dipper screams over the journals, Ford shows no reaction to this at all. One could argue that no one else reacts to this, but that may be because the others know Dipper's obsession over the journals, while Ford doesn't.

Ford is also seen drawing and writing about his findings in the journals, which is something he's been doing all his life, drawing and writing.

When Fiddleford gets sucked into the portal, Ford immediately pulls him out, but instead of asking how he is, Ford asks what he saw, which points to an inappropriate reaction and possible lack of empathy.

During this part of the flashback, Ford puts his hands on Fiddleford's shoulder and Fiddleford touches Ford's shoulder, leading to the conclusion that although Ford isn't big on touch, he's ok with being touched on the shoulders/arms, and he also avoids eye contact with Fiddleford.

When Ford has Stan come over and Stan knocks on the door, Fords first instinct is to pull a weapon on him, showing another inappropriate reaction.

Then Ford asks Stan to get rid of the journal which leads me to see two things. The first is that Ford is again showing strange reactions. The second thing I noticed when Stan tried to destroy the journal, Ford stopped him.

But why would it matter if the journal was destroyed if Ford wanted it far away from him?

I see this and thought it was because the journals were comfort objects for Ford, and destroying them was too emotionally hard for him, which would explain why he buried the first two instead of just destroying them.

When Ford tells Stan he's kicking him out of the house, he avoids eye contact while Stan tries to make eye contact.

Another thing I forgot to add is, when Stan goes to the store pretending to be Ford, everyone is very shocked to see 'Ford'. This tells us that Ford didn't go out much if at all, and he spent pretty much all of his time alone, another thing on the list.

Despite this just being an analysis of the first episode we meet Ford, it's very clear he meets many of the points above.

A few more things I'd like to add that weren't in this episode:

-Ford shows a huge amount of excitement for DD&D, pointing to another hyper-fixation.

-Ford doesn't make too many jokes, and when he does it's very clear they're jokes.

-He's seen as a very clumsy child, another symptom of autism.

[inkabelledesigns]

Hey guys, Kat here, and today I have some stuff I’d like to talk about. My mental health has been very weak in the past month and a half, maybe longer, and I’d like to talk about it for a second. I know this isn’t usually the thing you come to my page for, and you’re not obligated to read it, though I’d appreciate it if you did. This is really important to me, and I feel sharing what I’m going through could be beneficial, we might be feeling the same way on some things.

Now I want you to know, before I go any further, that I’ve cried myself to the point of dehydration every time I’ve tried to write this, which is about twenty times between the audio recordings and the things I typed out, I stopped counting after that. I wasn’t in a stable mindset, and the internet doesn’t need to see me like that. I have a lot of posts that never make it online for that reason, the whole world doesn’t need to know what I think, I need to employ a filter.

But there’s a difference between having a filter and feeling like you don’t matter. And that’s a balance I’m still learning how to strike. I’ll be real with you guys, more than half the time, I feel like I’m worthless. There are lots of factors that tie into this. I struggle to be social, and often times unless I make the first move, no one chooses to talk to me. I always have to start the conversation, and I’m not good at that, especially when a lot of the time, I’m met with what I read to be disinterest. 

Notice my wording there, “what I read to be,” I’m saying that I recognize there may be a fault in my logic. I recognize that because I am on the autism spectrum, I have a very different lens on the world compared to most people, and because of my lens, I read things in ways not everyone might think to read them. I’m not great at recognizing social cues, I wish people would just be direct and say what they mean with me so that I understand what they need. But I’ve learned that we live in a world where we need to read into things to understand them, and when I read into things, sometimes it goes in a direction it’s not supposed to. This is especially problematic when talking through text online, where the tone is difficult to read and interpret. I’ve tried my best to be understanding, but sometimes I make mistakes, bad mistakes. It got me into so much trouble when I understood even less at the age of 14 when I first came online. People made fun of me constantly for things I couldn’t help, instead of helping me to navigate it. Socializing, my artistic skills, all of it, I was trained to feel like less of a person and didn’t have a way out that I could see at the time. And it continued well into adulthood. I still feel like I’m bothering people by wanting to ask them something in a DM or talk about something in a group setting. 

I feel bad for wanting to be human, some days I feel like I’m not human because I don’t act the same as everyone else. Because I’ve been labeled as too sensitive in a world where I think everyone is too mean. I cry a lot when people aren’t looking, I don’t want anyone to see me cry anymore. They’re just going to hurt me more. It’s slowly gotten worse, to the point where I feel like no one wants to know what I think, no one cares about me as a person, as an individual, just for what favors I can do for them or what jokes I can tell. I feel like people only keep me around to boost them up, and it doesn’t always come back around.

But I can’t say things like that, because my mind is a horrible liar, right? My friends do care about me, don’t they? Don’t they love me? Don’t they want me to be happy too? I know I want them to be happy, I love them, even if I don’t always know how to show it. And that’s what I need to have click, that right there. My understanding of love is different! I am an individual with a unique set of experiences that make me, well, me! And the way other people are, they’re them! They’re so beautiful and uniquely them! And because we come from different places, we express our love differently. Sometimes it’s through art, sometimes it’s words, sometimes it’s how excited we get to see each other, how much we spill our guts, sometimes it’s quiet handholding, sometimes it’s tiny stuff that we don’t notice at first. So I have to conclude that people DO love me, I just don’t always speak their love language, I don’t always know how to translate it so that I can understand what it all means. It’d be nice if there was a textbook for it, but there isn’t. We’re left trying to figure it out, can’t generalize an experience.

Sometimes we try to translate it. Online, I see a lot of people who determine their value with numbers, with subscriber counts and followers, and I wonder, why? Any number can be big depending on the scale. 10 people can be a lot of people sometimes! I’ve never felt a need for millions of people in my life, what I want for myself are a few genuine relationships, people that will laugh with me, talk with me, listen with me, people that I can invest a good amount of time in and know that it’s worth more than gold. I want to KNOW people, not just know of them but know firsthand how wonderful they are. I hope someone wants that for me in return, to know me. But humans don’t say things like that, we either spill everything online or say nothing at all, it’s too extreme. We’re so focused on a big picture, but the details are blurry, we miss so many roses to smell.

I don’t pay much attention to numbers, but occasionally I’ll notice them. One thing I am guilty of is checking my A03 inbox. As you may have noticed, I posted a fic recently, Too Many Eyes, which deals with my take on someone else’s content. One of the things I live for is hearing what people have to say about my work, about how it made them feel is my favorite thing. Because even though it’s brief, it means so much to me that my work got you thinking or got you to feel something, that’s such an amazing thing to do, isn’t it? So I read the tags on the few reblogs I get, I grin every time someone has something to say. It lights up my world, even if those things are so few and far between. I wish more people took a few minutes to say something thoughtful. Whenever something is said, I always make it a point to say something nice back. You helped me to feel good, so of course I’d want to do the same for you, what goes around comes around! 

Admittedly though, this fic may be a bad example. Not a single comment has been left, but I have received several lovely tags and a few private messages about it, and even though I’ve already said it, thank you again to those of you that said something and took the time to talk to me. You have no idea how much that means to me. Sometimes I get really insecure about my work, on top of my insecurities about who I am as a person, and I worry that my work is no good, or that people don’t really care about what makes it mine. Case in point, this fic deals with someone else’s content, a few someones who are well known in the BATIM community that are popular for very good reasons. They’re genuinely great people AND they have good work, a rare combination to find. But I worry people only like my take on it because it’s familiar to them from someone else’s work. None of my other works have received any attention since posting this fic. There was another fic I wrote that people seem to know me for, Raindrops and References, my most viewed A03 fic dealing with another popular content creator’s AU. My other works, the ones that were purely my content, never get as much support, if any at all. This happens with my voice acting too. What’s the role you all know me for on this page? Clara, from one of the many Nutcracker adaptations out there. Maybe you know I’m also Rouge the Bat in a lot of fan projects too, or that I used to run an improv group, but Clara is the one that gets notes, she’s the one I still see likes and reblogs for, something that I’m in that doesn’t feel like mine. Even if I wrote the script, did the voice, edited the audio, it doesn’t feel like it’s mine, it always feels like it’s someone else’s and they love that person’s work, not mine, because they don’t stay to look at anything else. And my fan art, same deal. I hardly ever post it, because as stated before, I was trained to feel bad about it. 

But when I start thinking things like this, I have to go back and remember that it doesn’t matter what lots of people look at, because the thoughts that matter most are from the people it was made for. Tak and Star, behind the scenes and in public, have been so sweet about Too Many Eyes. I consulted both of them on the draft before I posted because I wanted to be faithful to their content as well as meet their approval, and to this day, they’ve given me the best compliment an artist could ever ask for, one so wonderful that I would frame it and hang it on my wall. And the other star, responsible for Inky Eyes Golden Heart, what she said publically on the fic itself, that line about how for the first time she felt like she was in her world, authentically, and was surprised by everything that happened in it, that it felt like everything she imagined for it, THAT right there, that was satisfying, that was the most wonderful feeling and I STILL go and read those words when I’m having a bad day. And the nutcracketeers, we’re all so eager to share, and the voice stuff especially, It’s a joy to pull out Clara’s voice and make everyone weak in the knees. Hell, any work I get to do with AJ is a joy, he’s asked for my help on a lot of projects, and it really tests my abilities. He’s a great castmate to have. THESE are the people I make things for, individual people, and equally importantly, myself. My work is one of my ways of expressing my love, expressing a lot of things. I have so many stories to tell that I want someone else to hear. And how could I forget Margin and Cyber? We’ve all had our fair share of craziness lately, but these two are the people I make stuff with the most, not for, but with, and they are the most wonderful partners in crime ever. It’s so great to have them! There are so many more from all these circles, so many more that I want to mention at other points in time because they’re amazing people and deserve to feel loved. As it stands though, this is getting a little long.

My point in all of this is that even though I feel awful, eventually I come back to realize that I’ve got something wonderful. I still don’t want to depend on people so much, I want to love my work for being my work regardless of what the public perception is. This is actually why I got into doll making in part. I’ve never been good at sculpture and wanted to prove I could do it, and it’s such a great media to work with, and it feels like it’s mine. I don’t need to care what anyone else thinks of it, I love it, and that’s what matters. I want to love my work in all its forms, and more importantly, I want to love myself. Because while there is a separation of art and artist, art is an expression of thoughts and emotion, it’s communication, and it’s a part of us. I want to love being me, I want to do what I can to share my love and have it be felt by those around me, and most importantly, I want to be healthy about it. There’s a lot of things I’m not healthy about. How much time I spend with the screen, not getting enough exercise, overeating because darn it I really love food, my perceptions of the world and the constant frustration with it, and all the other stuff talked about today. I want to be better, and happier. I’d like to have the courage to share a little more of what I love online, be it things I’m making or things I’m feeling, because I want to use what I’ve got to become better, and maybe what I’ve got can help someone else if I share it. Don’t know until I try, right? 

Thank you for listening to what I had to say. I hope that it gave you something to think about, and I hope that it gives you a new perspective when looking at what you can make. You are an individual, there are so many wonderful things about you. And even if the entire world doesn’t know it yet, the important thing is getting you to see it. We all need love, and we’ll all find it if we keep looking, but don’t forget to love yourself, okay?