#i think the thing i am realising. is i quite like every ship honestly | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thekeeperofbalance · 3 months ago

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so while writing my prev post (here) i was reminded of how much i dislike a lot of the canon relationships

mainly bc i'm a person with an excellent eye for unhealthy dynamics (i have much experience with them, but also i'm just very good at detecting power imbalances in relationships) and i felt like discussing them.

keep in mind, i'm fine with ppl who ship (i ship quite a few as well) these. i am just not fine with them being written like they were in canon, because they were deeply unhealthy.

warning: discussions of unhealthy relationships, death relating to valhalla's to-the-death activities (alluded to), abuse, (and because i don't want people clamoring unless they have questions and want me to clarify things, which i am perfectly happy to do, unless your rude) discussions of popular riordanverse ships being toxic/abusive/unhealthy

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to start: percabeth.

i'll be honest---i haven't ever read hoo, and i never will. i just don't have the patience for it. but when ppl can quote lines abt a relationship being at least toxic, and at most abusive?? i get pushed off any ship real quick.

homes will discuss unhealthy relationships, will display the characters working through the problems presented within their relationships as they grow throughout the story. but i will never, ever, write an endgame toxic and/or abusive ship.

i loved percabeth in the pjo books, for the most part---even if i think it kind of overshadows all the other amazing ships out there, other than solangelo, for the most part. i'm not leaving solangelo out of this either.

anyways, i won't write endgame percabeth. that's just not gonna happen. they'll stay friends, and i've honestly preferred it that way for a long while. they just don't really fit together. i wasn't planning for them to stay together (you will see them together, but there will be some identity shenagins that annabeth will have to realise and imma be going through canon's mess, as well), because of an idea i've had for a while, that eventually birthed the ace-/aro-spec chase joke (magnus in homes is ace, natalie is aro, etc)

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next: solangelo.

so, something i noticed when reading toa, is that will carries a lot of the emotional burden in his relationship with nico. i mean, he's fucking keeping him alive!! that's not something your partner should have to do. and by that i mean, your partner should not have to bear the burden of being the only thing keeping you alive---that's a fuck-ton of emotional labour, and i will give nico points for seeking some help, but i'm still re-working their relationship.

please do note that almost every relationship change spirals from my main relationship change of alex and magnus's healthy, consensual, and very queer, but not necessarily "typical" to society relationship. most of these characters have never really had a healthy relationship in their faces during their childhoods---i mean, percy has paul and sally, but their relationship is later, and they don't exactly push boundaries to make people reconsider their relationships and emotions. (i.e. alex and magnus are in a non-heterosexual, completely non-sexually-intimate (except for the very rare kiss on the lips, but it never gets further than that), healthy relationship that has extremely close ties to the kids in question)

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fierrochase.

so, i absolutely adore fierrochase. i think they are, honestly, one of the healthiest relationships displayed within the entire riordanverse (they bow to carter & zia. blitzstone, sam & amir, hazel & frank (i think), and partially sadie x waltnubis which is only partial bc they have problems to work out, btw) that are majorly present and that i consistently remember bc i have adhd shit memory.

but i also must recognise, because this is a point i wish to make for later on, that any dynamic based upon killing your partner is unhealthy. no, i don't care that they can resurrect, that is still fucking traumatising. i will mention that them killing each other/magnus constantly being killed by alex is a mostly fandom-specific plot, so congrats, rick, there's one healthy relationship that's canon (and there are quite a few other ones, but i'm mainly pointing out the idealised ones).

they respect each other's boundaries, are learning about each other, and are taking their time to figure out their relationship. it's not really shown in canon---mainly because we get so little time with alex and magnus in a more-than-friends capacity, but we still see a lot of equal ground between the two of them. which is fucking important.

˚.⋆ 🌱 ⋆.˚

anyways: mallory x halfborn.

y'know the comment i made about dynamics based upon killing your partner are unhealthy a paragraph ago? yeah, this is what i was talking about.

one of the biggest bases, if mallory and halfborn were real, of their relationship would be fear. mainly because you would fear your killer. yeah, you can get desensitized to it, but you shouldn't have to become numb to fear of your partner just to continue being with them. no one is at fault here, and i will show that in the one-shot that discusses mallory & halfborn's relationship. i'm kind of horrified that their relationship is a thing that exists. i mean, can you imagine never knowing when your partner will just to decide to kill you, and did, and has?? even if you can't die permamently, that fear would stick.

especially in homes, where the battle scars stay. magnus will have a scar on their neck from the one time (just the once, and they discussed it afterwards), all of them have scars. (why i changed this will be part of another post.)

i can't write a relationship like that. one of homes' largest themes is healing, is growth, is escaping unhealthy thought patterns and relationships. the song that backs the entire series is don't panic by coldplay, if you wish to know the ideas i'm aiming to represent.

jason & piper, and calypso & leo are also problematic but not generally idealised within the books or by the fandom, and i can cover them later because i don't see much about them (personally) and because i am running out of steam.

lark, out.

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vesemirsexual · 11 months ago

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What are your thoughts on different Geralt relationships? Shani Essi Triss etcetc

I’m a Yennefer girlie through and through so keep in mind that likely shapes my thoughts on this! Also, I don’t have my laptop in front of me or I’d be pulling text excerpts to illustrate some of what I’m going to say, but I will endeavour to reliably try and remember what I’m talking about lmao

(Also, now I’ve summarised some quick thoughts, this is kinda the relationships/kinda the women he has them with? A rare time you might see me bashing a woman character rip. Warning below that I may have shat on your faves a little, and for mentions of sexual assault/rape.)

• Iola - This is such a one night stand to me. This is Geralt is injured and moping and honestly just takes the opportunity there. It’s pretty clear from his reaction the next morning too. This comes up in the well-referenced Geralt and Sexual Assaults post as dubcon, which admittedly I hadn’t even considered at first, but considering that Geralt is fucked up and barely even remember what Iola looks like the next morning, yeah I can see that. This is such a non-thing to me.

• Triss - People can argue until the sun comes up but I’m willing to die on the hill that this instance was sexual assault/rape. The way she talks about hitting on a “propitious moment”, the use of magic, the fact that Geralt rebuffs her with every attempt at a follow up…This entire moment really changes the overall persona of Triss for me, and shows something really ugly under that sweet helpful girl-next-door exterior. I do not enjoy this ship, at all. And even in the CDPR land where this is endgame, I genuinely could not ever see it lasting. I think the entire “Triss died at Sodden Hill” and symbolism holds true to an extent: Triss is genuinely just chasing anything that makes her feel alive and emotion. I think she’d get bored of Geralt very, very quickly and she’d be onto the next, chasing the thrill and emotional highs. Triss, to me, gives the vibe of the woman who cheats with a married man, gets him to leave his wife, and then ditches him for the next one. It’s not about him; it’s about how it all makes her feel, and escapism from her own damage.

(I actually have said fucked up passage on my phone! This…did not do wonders for my perception of Triss.)

• Shani - Again, I don’t get the hype here. Shani is 17 when Geralt hooks up with her, and quite frankly, that old man is weird as hell for that one. I also don’t see Shani ever seeing Geralt as relationship material. I think her attraction rose from a) attention from an older experienced man and b) fascination about him being a Witcher (I hesitate to say fetishism, but definitely in the same vein). This is one I cannot ever see as a relationship: I genuinely think Shani would get tired of his shit real fast.

• Essi - My unpopular opinion is I hate this entire arc. I hate it, I’m sorry. Essi starts off as this amazing character, who devolves into a teenage girl throwing a tantrum and demanding sex. Sex between Geralt and Essi is incredibly uncomfortable because it takes wearing Geralt down, peer pressure and guilt-tripping to get there, he doesn’t want to, and this is another one I agree is dubcon. I am frankly, surprised more people aren’t icked out by this one. This relationship is one of the reasons A Little Sacrifice isn’t one of my favoured short stories.

• Coral - Complex feelings. I wanted to deck Coral when she’s winding Yennefer up about being pregnant, and Yennefer is quiet and sad. Geralt, stop banging Yennefers mean and manipulative coworkers who are absolutely going to use this knowledge to hurt her whenever works. Coral is such a dick, but at the same time, considering how her story ultimately ends, I find it difficult to really hate upon her, because if that isn’t punishment enough. I do like how we see Geralt draw a line when he realises Coral is not going to help those people, and I like how this relationship characterises him further.

• Fringilla - Fringilla drives me fucking insane. I despise the library scene with every fibre of my being. If Sapkowski had included the Fringilla/Geralt baby from the drafts, as I have repeated many times, I would’ve lost my shit. Fringilla blinds Yennefer at Sodden Hill (leaving her blind for a year and with massive mental scarring) and then has the audacity to be fucking her boyfriend while she knows Yen is being held and likely tortured somewhere, and then has the audacity to actually fall in love with him. Even though it’s her job and ploy for the Lodge, even though Geralt is also playing her, god. Fuck these two for this one.

• Sword delivery girl who’s name I’ve forgotten - Geralt, you’re honestly such a bitch.

#salt warning tbh #like this is messy brain dump on post #and I didn’t end for it to be salty but fuck it we ball #katie txt #asks

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brooklynislandgirl · 1 year ago

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11, 20 for the shipping meme

Something Just Like This || Accepting

how long does your muse have to know someone before they decide to ask them out?

I cannot really answer this question and do it justice because quite honestly? I do not think Beth has ever actually asked anyone out on a romantic date in all of her life.She was very sheltered in her upbringing, was given a nightmarish description about what sex and romance was about, and most of the time she's been given a 'proper' escort to many society and charity or political function though the Admiral or has attended these things with her brother. Adding to all of this is her inherent demisexuality and more importantly what is known as quoiromantic nature; she doesn't feel primary sexual attraction to really anyone, and only secondary attraction once she's established a deep emotional connection to the person. Her romantic attraction is wibbly-wobbly in the sense that for her, there are no real distinctions between romantic or platonic forms of love. Which one can understand can be awkward AF. There are several ships on this blog that have taken literal years to form, and I do mean real time, not story wise. Some have been very one-sided because while Beth might feel something, she will never really force herself onto someone else, if she even tells them at all. She also very firmly believes that if she ever uses the L word, then she's pretty much beginning a count down to when the other person will leave her. I think if the date was very upfront and platonic ~coffee with a friend, movie with a relative, some sort of event with a co-worker~ it's a lot easier for her not to get wound up in her deep-rooted insecurities and paranoia. She will more often than not insist on paying for whatever the date it, and likely her favourite things to do with someone else are dancing and surfing. Beth is very sweet, unquestionably loyal, and does her best to appear as bright, friendly, and soft as possible. She is exceptionally agreeable even if it ends up costing her time, energy, or mental/physical well-being. But it might take months or even years for her to realise she wants to date someone, and by then, the person ~if they were interested at all~ have moved on.

~*~

20. what would push you to drop a ship?

Oh geeze. I mean, I'd like to think I am pretty easy going as long as there's mutual respect happening between the other mun and myself. Notice, I say mun…because I don't mind writing toxic or questionable situations. Life happens, not every person you meet is a good one, at least for you, etc. But the bond between muns has to have solid foundations first and foremost before I will consider a ship much less attempt to write one out. Beth is a weird little bunny, after all. Things that could come up though is…

I. Writing nothing BUT nsfw material.

Look, like everyone else, naughty-times can be quite fun. Especially when you and your mutual have a good flow between them. But at the same time, if all I wanted to do was write 'smut', I could do fan-fiction and only have to worry about what makes me happy. I want slice of life! I want conflict and drama! I want serious moments and silly ones! She is a witch after all and in most verses, a nurse. There's life and death happening and she needs to be a part of it.

II. Using her to come at Riley.

Is Beth my gate-keeper for her technically canon sibling? Yes, yes she is. I have spent 8 years or so trying my best to flesh her out as a character, to give her a well-rounded back story, to make her the best character that I can. And in those years, I have been told by at least one person that "Your writing style and mine just aren't compatible" only for that same mun, a couple months down the line to find Riley and praise my writing, my character development and growth. All because he is a pretty man with a big….ego. And they were absolutely shocked when I pointed out that I. Am. The. Same. Mun. And the writing is the same except for the FC and the Pronouns. Now, I get it. Beth is an OC and a lot of people have had bad experiences with them. Not a lot of people want to write with one. Not a lot of people are interested in the amount of work I've put into her, want to ask questions, want to learn her as she and I are learning their interpretation of someone ELSE's OC…oops, I mean canon character. But that's no excuse to treat her like a joke just because her brother is more interesting, more…masculine…and more likely to crush every last feeling you or your muse ever had. Really, those are the two things I'm not willing to at least discuss.

#Mahalo!Jo <333 #She's Talking to Angels {Bethisms}#The Turtle Speaks|Mun Answered Asks

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platonicmoonwater00 · 2 months ago

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frrrr personally i do headcanon peter as asexual but not aromantic(i have an original character of mine that i ship him with), also he actually has a personality!!! omg!! but nah i didnt used to hc peter as ace but i started recently. lemme explain my hc of peter real quick.

first of all, he's a huge drama kid whos good enough to be the star in every play but the "hot" guy who cant act for shit always gets it which really pisses him off. also he plays the drums(i do not take credit for this idea cos i got it form tcoptp) but he isnt in music class bc he started when he was in in primary school and would js be so far ahead of everyone else. also he is like super loyal(ironic ik but i never write canon compliant fics so it's fine) but hes got a really loose tongue so cant always keep a secret, but hes just doesnt think before speaking, hes not malicious.

he was also a huge people pleaser in primary school and at the start of of high school but in like year 8 he was like fuck this and now he seems like a pushover so people get surprised when he goes off at them when they try to walk all over him.

i also hc that after he first started dating his gf they yknow *did the deed* and he was like completely repulsed. he went through a few stages where he was like "maybe i dont really like her" or "maybe it'll get better cos this was our first time" and "holy shit, what's wrong with me" which is a sad one cos theres nothing wrong with him. but eventually he talks to remus about it and remus already had kinda guessed that peter might be ace bc of past comments he'd made. so remus is like just kinda listening and nodding and lets peter get all his feelings out.

personally as soon as i talk to somebody about something thats confusing or frustrating me they dont even need to say anything and i kinda js end up answering my own question or figure out a solution by myself.

so he kind of just ends up realising and is like "OH" and so he does a bunch of research and a LOT of am i ace quizzes and is eventually quite sure of it.

and mind you this was like half a year into his relationship so my man was nervous like he made it into a really bad thing in his head and thought that everybody(especially his gf) would hate him. and he thought she'd break up with him and no one will ever date him again. but eventually remus hypes him up enough to tell his gf and shes from a traditional family but is like insanely open minded even though her family isnt so she hadnt heard of asexuality before but he explians it to her and shes soooo accepting and understanding and i love that for them(her parents are bitches about it when they find out tho after peter and their daughter get married)

sorry i have been waiting for a long time to dump this on someone. but i totally agree, making peter ace or aroace js because you think no one will like him or should be shipped with him cos hes fat is so silly billy like girly he was really nice. i mean even if we're being canon compliant, they genuinely never thought he'd betray them, like ever. and lets be so fr its not like he was a total pushover, i mean if we are still being true to the books(i never am) then james was a stupid kid who had some of his values skewed so he wouldnt have befriended or stayed friends with someone that was completely useless?? and its not only fatphobic to make peter useless like people do but its also kinda acephobic like "oh hes useless and fat and unloveable and no one would want to be with him and i dont want to ship anyone with him imma make him ace ig" like girl no.

and its really weird honestly like i know plus sized people who are super nice and have really good personalities AND i know plus sized people who are really popular and really bitchy. but half of the perceptions of peter are js him being useless and not having a personality? which is stupid bc theyre people, not aliens and they have personalities. is that such a strange concept?? like what???

also i totally agree about the plus sized lily thing like i feel like plus sized lily is SUPPOSED to make us accept our bodies but like a lot of the fanart makes me feel bad about mine. like i have prominent stomach rolls, thick thighs that i hate, back fat and yknow the fat next to your armpits that sticks out when you wear singlets. also i dont exactly have a double chin but you definitely cant see the line of my jaw. i dont have an hourglass figure either. so now im going from oml im supposed to be skinny to hey maybe its ok not to be skinny to oh its ok not to be skinny but im supposed to have a jawline and an hourglass figure????

LIKE WHAT

sorry i did say id explain that 'real quick' but i got carried away

also peter isnt a 'prude'. he drinks and smok3s w33d and goes to party hes js ace. like id also like for us to demolish the stereotype that ace people are goody two shoes pls. like if anyone in the marauders doesnt do ^ that stuff its james lets be so fr.

Fatphobia in the Marauders fandom

I have spoken briefly on this before, but I think perhaps it is time we stop making Peter a prude, or unable to find a date, or "a late bloomer". I'm really fed up of regularly seeing posts saying these things with no explaination or supporting headcanon for why.

I think if you want to make him asexual or aroace for legitimate reasons then that's fine, as someone on the ace spectrum I love seeing good representation, but so often it feels like people do it because they can't think of anyone to ship him with because they don't want to ship someone with the fat kid. It's not because he turns bad later, because he's not bad during the Hogwarts years. But it is consistently Peter, someone who is not conventionally attractive, who is portrayed as some undesired sexless character who betrayed his friends because he couldn't get laid or have some great love like them.

Guess what, fat people date too!! Fat people are capable of having interests that aren't related to food or proving their worth through other ways. "He's fat but it's okay because he's really good at chess". NO. Peter can want to date, Peter can participate in talking about sex, Peter can have a partner and it not be a big deal that "him of all people" pulled someone.

If you don't think that this is a genuine problem in the fandom then you might need to re-evaluate. This is not the representation plus-size people deserve.

"But Lily is made plus-size and gets put in ships, plus-size Lily is hot". Plus-size Lily is still usually drawn in a way that is acceptably fat by society's standards. She's curvy with thick thighs and an hourglass figure, with a jawline and a small stomach. Give me fics of her an apron belly and a double chin and a realistic waist where James or Mary or Pandora or anyone still thinks she is the hottest shit. Please. We deserve this.

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cmdr-prio · 1 year ago

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20/06/3309

12:12 UTC

Every time I wake up, I have to check galnet to make sure I haven’t lost time again. This must be what it feels like to come out of a coma. The universe hasn’t significantly changed, but now something’s going on with the thargoid war, there’s some kind of cult involved, and I guess people get paid to find plants now?

There’s a lot I need to catch up on when I reach the end of this journey.

My brain feels like a neutron star’s firing off in it today. But you don’t get to take a day off when it makes the difference between living and dying.

My next waypoint is Eos Aowsy ZW-J c22-50. Aowsy feels like something Doge would say after getting bonked with a baseball bat.

Frell.

I just realised my already outdated meme knowledge is even further out of date.

In any case, I want to try reaching at least two waypoints today before calling it quits.

Heh. “Today.”

A measurement of time based on a planet we’ve long since drifted away from. We can’t forget our roots, I guess.

Well. Time to find something to blast into my ears, and fire up the engines again.

13:01 UTC

Here’s the thing about space. It’s really big. I know there’s already that famous quote about how big space is, but hear me out here.

The human brain was not designed to comprehend these kinds of scales. Hell, there are things planetside that are simply too big for a human to really comprehend beyond a theoretical level.

You might understand a mile. Maybe in terms of a distance you can run, or drive in a car. Ten miles, sure. But 100? Or 1000?

I am travelling lightyears. I am so far away from Sol, that by the time one photon from there were to reach me, I’ll have been long dead. Possibly in the “thousands of years” sense, I haven’t done the math.

And it’s just a few orange lines on a map.

Honestly, I’ve seen some ships that I’d say are big enough to be beyond human comprehension in terms of scale. Space stations definitely are.

I think about this a lot. Star Trek loved to show us the Enterprise, but it was rarely in a context that allowed you to truly comprehend the scale, at least in the early days.

One of the first things Red Dwarf shows us is a solitary person painting the side of the ship. The camera pulls out until they aren’t even visible any more, and the camera just keeps going. You’re very clearly shown that this ship, is really frelling big.

As you may guess, by the fact I’ve taken the time to write an essay about how my brain is too small, I’m at my first waypoint. On to the next.

♫ Currently listening to: Daft Punk - TRON Legacy Soundtrack ♫

14:23 UTC

One of the systems on the way here(Dryau Aowsy KN-B c13-1001) had a whole buncha stars, and I couldn’t help but think of the line “There are three suns and no women, WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!!”

I’m currently parked on some rock in Dryau Aowsy SZ-X c14-982, with a pretty decent view to boot.

Though I did notice this nearby while zooping the camera around.

Is this something I should be worried about? I’m not brave enough to drive my scarab over there for a closer look. Probably just a mildly interesting rock. Right..?

14:44 UTC

Nothing new to report. I’ve just been sitting here waiting to see if this migraine will weaken. But I have realised that when I finally reach Sagittarius A*, I’ve totally forgotten how to safely approach space stations from supercruise, and I don’t have an assist module. I vaguely remember something about controlling your speed to keep it around 7 seconds away, which is how I’ve been approaching planets, but a planetary approach will automatically drop me out of supercruise when the time is right. I don’t think approaching a station will? Does my ship alert me when it’s time to drop out of SC? I really don’t remember.. The training sims all used SC assist...

♫ Currently listening to: Henry Jackman - Kick-Ass: The Score ♫

15:35 UTC

I’ve made it to Ogairy LC-M c7-338. There’s like 7 waypoints left from here.

22 jumps per waypoint, that’s like.. 154 jumps? I can do 154 jumps, when my map settings were frelled up I was making like 180 jumps a day.

There’s a real chance I can finish this relatively soon.

Just don’t think about the journey back.

Honestly I’m wondering if I’ll be able to hitch a ride on a fleet carrier or something to get back. Depends who’s around I guess.

Though I shouldn’t be in such a rush to leave Sag-A* when I get there. I should take some time to enjoy the victory.

When I get there.

15:50 UTC

Okay, so I’ve been pondering my options. I think I’m going to step out of the cockpit for a bit. Get some food in me. I’ll publish this log for now. I’ve been wanting to keep one day’s events as a single log, to keep things tidy, but I guess I’ll make a part 2 if I continue the journey today. I need to assess if I have the mental energy to keep flying.

Knowing the end is in sight.. It gives me some hope.

#elite dangerous

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juyeoniemyhoney · 3 years ago

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nothing ever goes the way you want it to.

In this episode of disasters you could have avoided if you were not a liar: every time you look at Juyeon, you start sweating and your heart starts beating like you're a criminal in an interrogation. This was supposed to be strictly business. But of course, nothing ever goes the way you want it to and it truly shows after today's events.

-pairing: lee juyeon x reader

-genre: fluff, at this point it's slow burn i am so sorry

-warnings: some foul language, you lowkey watch juyeon while he sleeps (in the least creepy way possible), the only medical knowledge i have is from grey's anatomy and hospital ship

-word count: 5546 words

-A/N: i like lowkey fell off the face of the earth, i know. but it's ok!!!! because im back now!! (kinda). i'm having exams now and i'm really busy studying and finishing applications for school and other things so if i like don't update until like november, i'm really sorry. but for now, i really hope you enjoy this mess because honestly i don't know where this series is going:D

read other parts of rent a boyfie -> here!

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Time has always been a little iffy to you. When you want it to go by fast, it goes by excruciatingly slow. And when you want it to go by slowly, it goes by at the speed of light. It conforms to nothing and just goes on and on forever on its own accord. And that is probably the most infuriating thing about it. This rings especially true as you periodically, obsessively take glances at the wall clock in front of you in between each word you write.

After you and Juyeon said your goodbyes, your shift had started off like any other normal day. Albeit, you were a little curious as to whom Juyeon was visiting and had thought and wondered about it for the first few hours of your shift, everything else was normal. You did your rounds, updated patient records, sat in and even took part in surgeries, took notes and studied and slept as much as you could in your downtime and went to check in on your patients multiple times.

It felt normal until an hour before your shift ended.

That's when things started to feel a little bit like a fever dream.

For one, when the clock struck three in the morning, you came to terms with the fact that you would not be able to sleep at all. In the past three hours, you had tried relentlessly, but was awoken each time by the incessant beeping of your pager.

Then, at about five, as you stared holes into your textbook, you realised that in about twelve hours, Juyeon and your mother would be in your apartment. Somewhere at the start of your shift, your mother had texted you saying that she would reach your apartment at about five in the evening. And at four, Juyeon had sent you a text asking for your address. You ignored both messages in hopes that you were just dreaming. And to a certain extent, it worked. But at five, as you were tackling the many different symptoms of various diseases, you were suddenly struck with the realisation that this wasn't a dream. They would be in your house at five, your mother gleefully unpacking food she'd brought from her house, Juyeon sitting at the other side (or possibly next to you) at your dinner table, holding conversations with your mother and with you. And this time, you don't have your siblings there to carry the conversation so that you can tune your hearing out.

You don't even know why you are so upset about it. You're not usually quite this uptight. You suppose it is just because you don't want Juyeon in your house. It feels much too intimate. Your flat is not quite as decorated as you want it to be because you just don't have the time to set anything up other than the necessary furniture. In fact, you think it looks exactly the same as when you first got it six years ago. But you shower there. And sleep there most of the time. And on your days off, you sit on the couch and watch shows. And you eat at that dining table almost every day. And you just know that Juyeon being there, in that domestic setting of your life when your feelings are already making you so confused, is only going to confuse you more.

Then, it was an hour before your shift ended. And you were beyond exhausted. You hadn't slept a wink but you were finishing your reports on patients in the wards and clinics for the next doctor on shift, making notes for them and writing down reminders for them to take care of. You would think that after a few months of this vicious cycle, you would have gotten used to the brutality of it, that your body would accommodate and learn that this should be normal by now. But with everything that is happening, your mother, your fake relationship, your growing pile of lies, and Juyeon, it felt like you hadn't slept in forever. But you persisted on.

So now, about ten minutes before your shift ends, you are itching to get off; to go home, take a long, warm shower and sleep off your worries until the doorbell rings and you have to face your mother and fake boyfriend once again. You are so close to your freedom, you can almost taste it. Until the PA system sounds and your pager beeps with insistent urgency. You almost groan when you read the two dreaded words, the calm voice of a nurse narrating it out for you in case you thought you read your pager wrongly.

"Attention all doctors and nurses, code blue in ward 42, bed 4. I repeat code blue in ward 42, bed 4."

Though you are utterly dreading it, though all you want to do is go home and sleep for the next forty-eight hours, you are sprinting in the direction of the bed before the announcement can even finish, running as fast as you can because a life depends on it. After all, this is your job and you are supposed to save people despite yourself.

By the time the patient was resuscitated (and thank god he was), your shift had ended half an hour ago. And by the time you finish updating the records and keeping the other doctors and nurses updated and well informed about him and other patients, it is nearing eleven in the morning and it has been two hours after your shift was supposed to end.

As you make your way to your locker to get your things and change out of your scrubs and coat, doctors and nurses who look significantly more well-rested than you send you waves and bright, energetic smiles, wishing you a safe trip home and a well rest. You try your best to be polite and to not let your pure exhaustion shine through, but by the time the fifth person greets you, the most you can manage is a weak smile as you hastily slip into the locker room, changing and gathering your things within five minutes before you are rushing out of the hospital like it is a haunted house and you have been thoroughly traumatised.

You are almost running out the front doors when someone calls your name, stopping you in your tracks. You let out a disgruntled grunt, grumpy and sleep-deprived and already robbed of two hours of your free time, as you turn around to face the nurse who called you. Her name is Stacy and she's relatively new to your hospital. You are by no means her boss and have almost zero authority here, being about halfway through your intern year. But you definitely did come here before her, making you her senior. And as her senior, you are easily ready to blow her head off with an unwarranted scolding because she is disturbing you right now and you will have none of it whatsoever.

"Stacy, please, if you have a question please ask the doctors who have just clocked in. I just clocked out and I really don't want to entertain you," you say with a sigh, wholeheartedly wanting to scold her, but not having it in you when you know that she does not deserve it. Stacy is nice, she's relatively easy to talk to and she listens and follows instructions well. You don't really want to come off as the asshole just because she caught you at a bad timing.

"Oh, no, Dr Y/N, I don't have a question. It's just that, that man over there," she pauses to gesture to the man sitting at the bench with his back turned to the two of you, his head hung as if he were sleeping. You get a weird feeling in your gut when he looks familiar to you. "he's been waiting for you for two hours.".

"What?" you wonder out loud, brain completely unable to register anything due to your lack of sleep and the sheer lethargy that is beginning to kick in, after all, you should be asleep by now.

You thank Stacy for letting you know and apologise for being so rude, bidding her farewell before you approach the man, taking cautious, tentative steps towards him, all the while wondering who he is. And then when his face finally comes into view, it hits you like a brick to the face.

"Juyeon?" you ask, gently and hesitantly shaking him awake. He wakes easily, eyelids lifting and eyelashes untangling as he takes a while to realise what is happening before he looks up to meet your gaze, eyes heavy-lidded and hazy as he struggles to pull free from his daze. Then, the corners of his lips tilt up upon recognition, slinging into a lazy smile as he gets up from his seat, causing you to stumble backwards and away from him as he draws to his full height.

"Hi Y/N," he greets you. "Good morning. No offence, but, you look like you haven't slept in ten years," he comments as he shoves his hands into his pockets and walks away, expecting you to follow suit as he makes his way to the exit of the hospital. You follow him, though you are beyond confused as to why he is here.

"Wait, why are you here?" you ask him, ignoring his previous statement as you grab his elbow to ask him to slow down. To your surprise, he understands your request before you have time to verbalise it, his pace slowing down as he takes smaller steps, falling into step beside you.

"I came to pick you up," he says like it's the most obvious thing in the world, glancing down at you through the corner of his eyes, eyebrows slightly raised in amusement.

"But I didn't tell you what time I end," you say, glancing up to him as the two of you walk through the automatic doors, the early winter wind blowing your hair out of your face and forcing a shiver down your spine as the two of you cross the carpark to Juyeon's car.

"I realised that because I dropped you off, you wouldn't have a car. And I have a friend who works in this hospital and he told me that interns usually have fourteen-hour shifts. So I came. Either way, I had a delivery to make so," Juyeon explains in a lazy drawl, not quite annunciating his words properly, almost like he is too tired to.

"You didn't have to," you murmur. You feel your neck heat up under the collar of your coat, utterly embarrassed and exasperated that Juyeon was this thoughtful.

"It's the least I could do after how badly I messed up yesterday," he says with a grimace as he unlocks the car with keys. "And it seems that it was a good decision on my part. You haven't slept at all, have you?"

The conversation halts as the two of you slide yourselves into the leather seats of his car, Juyeon turning on the engine and turning up the heater as you buckle your seatbelt in silence.

"You can sleep if you want. Just tell me your address first," Juyeon says when you don't answer his question. You do so without a single argument, allowing Juyeon to enter your address into the sat-nav before closing your eyes and slouching in your seat, allowing the silence and the soft humming of the car to gently rock you to sleep.

The way you are so comfortable around Juyeon slightly scares you. Every time you feel comfortable around him, you are reminded of the very real fact that you have known him all of four days. And that only terrifies you more. You are trusting him to take you home safely as you sleep in his car, not even doubting his intentions for a second. You suppose you can trust him, after all, you accidentally fell asleep last evening and he had safely delivered you to your job. But before you fall asleep for the second time in his car, you wonder if this is what your sister had meant when she first told you about her husband.

If this is an otherworldly connection.

She told you that there's a Japanese myth where there are two people connected by an invisible red string and that these two people are soulmates. Whenever they got too far away from each other, the red string would always bring them back together. They are connected by their hearts and by fate itself, meeting by great happenstance, or realising the sheer level of their connection by a serendipitous epiphany.

But before you can consider how you feel about Juyeon, or just how connected you think the two of you are, you are falling into a deep sleep, allowing your dreams to take over.

When you wake up, it is because Juyeon calls your name softly with gentle jostles to your shoulders. For a second, in your sleepy daze, you have a bout of deja vu, remembering that this exact moment had occurred less than a day ago. But when you come about your senses, your eyes open as much as your exhausted eyelids allow you to, bloodshot and stinging with its stubborn want to just shut close again as you sit upright in your seat and clear your gravelly throat, running a hand through your day-old hair. You look out past the dashboard and recognise that you are parked in the familiar carpark of your flat complex as Juyeon switches off the engine and shuts the sun visor close before turning back to you with a small smile.

"Good morning," he smiles, eyes curling up in humour. You grunt back in response and his smile only widens. "Come on, let's go up. Then, you can sleep in your bed.".

Suddenly, you are wide awake.

"Why are you coming up with me?" you ask, eyes narrowing in suspicion as you lean away from him and into the door, as if you are afraid he is going to do something to you. For some odd reason, though you don't know much about Juyeon, you know that he will certainly not lay a finger on you.

"Well, I thought you'd need help preparing or something. Like backstories or with cleaning, or anything else. But if you're uncomfortable with that then I won't come up and we can just discuss it here! I'd just thought you'd want to sleep for a bit before we discuss more important things, you know? So that, uh, you know what you're saying and we're on the same page and you're not too tired or anything. So, yeah. Only if you're okay with it, though. If not I'm totally fine," Juyeon stutters out in a panicked rant, totally forgetting that the two of you barely know each other. It's just that, he's felt so comfortable with you so far, like you were long friends, and he'd just assumed you'd felt the same. Like a fool.

Your lips tilt up ever so slightly with fondness, finding the way he'd panicked uncannily endearing. He's so thoughtful, you think. And he's always made you feel comfortable in your limited interactions. Your little angel on your right shoulder thinks you're too easy, thinks you're so easily won over by benevolence and pretty faces, thinks you trust too easily. And you suppose it's right. Because you don't even have to think, you don't even have to listen to the devil on your left shoulder urging you on, before you are shaking your head and saying with a small smile,

"I'm fine with you coming up.".

"Oh," Juyeon says with slight relief that's he's not made everything more awkward than it already is. "I'm sorry for not asking first.".

"It's perfectly fine," you respond with an awkward smile, looking away after making brief eye contact with Juyeon. Now that you are slightly rested, you realise that Juyeon is dressed in a casual hoodie, a coat and jeans, his hair messily strewn across his forehead. He looks handsome, much more so than last evening.

Silently, the two of you exit the car and make your way back to your house, Juyeon trailing behind you and the both of you standing at opposite ends of the elevator on the way up. Juyeon waits patiently for you to enter your passcode into your lock, hands clasped behind his back as he adverts his eyes and pretends to be interested in the view of the sky from the corridor. And then, you open the door and quietly welcome him in, the both of you ridding your feet of your shoes at the entrance before you are emerging from the entranceway and into your living room with Juyeon's tall figure lingering tentatively behind you.

"It's a little messy, but please make yourself at home," you comment as you set down your bag on a dining chair, uncomfortable with Juyeon's silence. You refuse to look at him. Up until now, you could only imagine what it would look and feel like with him in your house. But now that he is actually in your house, you don't think you'll ever be able to rid your mind of the image; his tall frame towering over the dining table and the kitchen sink, him sinking comfortably into the couch, the sight of his broad shoulders as he wanders around with curiosity, peeping into the dimly lit corridor that leads to your bedroom and the toilet.

Silence ensues and the only thing that can be heard is the soft breaths coming from between both of your lips, and the shuffling of clothes brushing against each other. Juyeon stands awkwardly in the middle of your living room and suddenly, your previously normal-sized furniture is dwarfed by his sheer height and size. Your thoughts are too loud and you desperately try to think of something to get rid of this ear-piercing silence.

"I'll give you a tour? Since you're kind of supposed to know your way around my house by now," you suggest, not bothering to look to Juyeon for confirmation before you are slowly making your way down the corridor to your bedroom, stopping at the bathroom and gesturing to the slightly ajar door.

"This is the bathroom," you say, turning around to finally look at Juyeon.

Big mistake.

He leans into you to peek into the bathroom, hand resting on the door frame as his eyes glint with curiosity. When you turn to look at him, your gaze meets his cotton-clad chest first and then his intoxicating scent hits your nose and you feel your heart slam itself into your ribcage, causing you to stumble backwards and away from his chest so that his face comes into view.

"And this is my room," you say, walking further down the corridor and to the entrance of your room with a soft clear of your throat, not allowing Juyeon to comment on your bathroom, though you think he doesn't have anything to say anyway.

Your room is quite large so you open the door and lead him all the way in. Your bed lays in the corner, next to the window and just opposite the foot of your bed is your desk, messily littered with loose pieces of paper and thick books. Some articles of clothing litter the floor and you heave a sigh of relief when you see that they are all shirts and shorts.

The first thing that Juyeon notices is that there are so many books. Bookshelves line your cream coloured walls, packed to the brim with paperbacks of every kind and genre, of every colour and thickness. The shelf next to your desk consists solely of textbooks and notebooks, which he just knows is filled with your handwriting, words and theory and equations of all sorts on every line. He notices the lack of decoration, not a single picture or plant or figurine in sight, and he wonders if you'd just recently moved into this house or if you just can't be bothered to make this flat your own when you could so easily move out. He settles on the latter and smiles unconsciously.

"It's cosy," he comments, hands finding home in his pockets again as he smiles tenderly at the back of your head. His smile widens with fondness when you yawn, knuckles trying to rub the lethargy from your eyes as your other hand covers your mouth.

"Why don't you get some rest?" he suggests, turning around to walk out of your room and back to the living room. "I'll go and do some cleaning while you wash up," he continues after a slight pause, turning around to send you a smile before he is closing the door to your bedroom gently, leaving you no room to refuse or argue with him.

When the door shuts and you hear his footsteps get further away, you are left in a silence so loud that you can hear the incessant thudding of your heart against your ribcage and the way your breaths come out heavy. Juyeon is so benevolent, it scares you. It makes you wonder if this is all an act of his because you're sure no one in this world could be quite as kind as he is; if he lures seemingly unsuspecting girls in, makes them fall in love with his irresistible charm before he eventually breaks their heart. You wonder if he is going to do that to you.

When that thought crosses your mind, you know that the exhaustion is causing you to hallucinate. So, with an annoyed huff, you gather your clothes and hop into the shower, washing all the dirt and grime from your pores, all the smell of the hospital and the irony smell of blood away from your body, replacing it with the sweet scent of your peach body wash and shampoo, allowing the warm water to soothe your tired, tense muscles.

By the time you reemerge from the steaming shower, you peek into the living to see Juyeon clearing your messy coffee table, picking up leftover trash you have yet to throw and discarding them for you into the various bins. For a second, you wonder if you should sleep in your bed for today since you have a guest. You haven't slept in your bed much, the couch is much closer to the door and the bathroom than your bed after all. But the thought dissipates easily when you remember that this is your house and you can do whatever you want, really.

So, you drag your feet the short way to the couch, your ankles feeling like they have been shackled to ten-kilogram weights. You ignore Juyeon who seems to be putting utensils and plates away into the sink as you shuffle to your couch. And upon sight, the thought of your couch's comfort drawing you in like a siren song, your body loses its will to hold itself up and you collapse onto the velvet corduroy, dragging the heavy quilt that had been hazardously draped over the back of the couch down with you. You do not bother to arrange the blanket properly as you snuggle into the throw pillows, the feeling warm and comforting.

"Finally," you mutter under your breath as you fall asleep in peace after trudging through what felt like hell itself.

When you wake up it is because of the incessant ringing of something. Whether it is your doorbell or your phone, you have no idea. The only thing you know is that the sound feels as if someone is drilling a million tiny holes into your skull and you want it to stop immediately.

Your eyelashes untangle reluctantly as you force your eyelids open, vision blurry as you will it to focus on the ceiling first before you attempt to look around.

When your vision finally returns, you notice two things.

The first is that your house is inexplicably and bizarrely clean. The dining table that used to be cluttered with takeout menus and unwashed dishes and utensils that now sit on the drying rack, scrubbed to an almost surgical cleanliness, clear. And for the first time in forever, the chairs are neatly tucked in and the rugs on the floor are not upturned nor folded in half, instead aligned neatly against the base of the cupboards. The sight is unnerving and you almost shoot up in surprise, until you feel a weight on your hand.

The second thing that you notice is that Juyeon is nowhere to be seen. But when you feel the weight of another hand on yours, your eyes lazily shift down to look over the edge of the couch, where Juyeon is lying down, fast asleep. Your hand is tucked neatly in his, fingers intertwined and tucked safely against his slow-rising chest, warm and rhythmic.

Juyeon rests surprisingly peacefully though he is on the floor. With his eyes closed and eyelashes casting shadows on the apples of his cheeks, his skin is uncreased, the surface smooth and soft-looking. Juyeon's eyelashes are unbelievably long and you are almost tempted to reach over and brush them with your finger. A lump in your throat forms and you feel your hand in his begin to clam up at the thought.

You've only known him four days. Your relationship is strictly business, nothing more nothing less. You have to know your boundaries.

But right now, boundaries are the least of your concerns. The thing you have to attend to first is the incessant beating of the feeble vessel within your chest. The thudding is so loud you can hear it in your eardrums like it is screaming bloody murder. You want it to stop, you want it to stop, along with the hot blush creeping up your neck, but the more you look at Juyeon's pretty eyelashes, the slope of his nose, the shape of his lips, the silkiness of his hair, the more you feel yourself unhinge a little.

Every breath he breathes out, your heart speeds up a little. And you feel yourself become entranced by his unadulterated beauty, like he is casting a spell on you while he is unconscious. And god, you know it is so fucking creepy to be staring at this stranger while he is sleeping, but you just can't seem to pull your eyes away from his face.

You have to thank the heavens that a particular knock (slam) on your door, frightens the absolute shit out of you, pulling you from your trance as you yelp and snatch your hand from Juyeon's grasp, jolting him awake as you fly backwards, back hitting the backing of the couch. Your eyes fly to the door as the distinct voice of your mother yells from the other side of the door, "Y/N! Open the damn door! I've been waiting for twenty minutes for christ's sake!"

At that, your eyes fly to the clock just above the television, and you curse when you see that it reads twenty-seven minutes past five. Beside you on the floor, Juyeon sits up in a daze, still trying to process what is happening. You ignore him and fly from the couch, flinging the blanket from your body. It lands on Juyeon as you scramble to your feet to answer the door, trying to rearrange yourself in your haste to open the door and stop your mother from ripping the door from its hinges like the psychopath she is.

You leap off the couch, not caring to see where you are stepping. And you don't even notice it until Juyeon is letting out a yelp of pain, face cringing as he brings his hand to his foot, where you had so unglamorously stomped on like a baby elephant is throwing a tantrum.

"Ow! What'd you do that for?" he huffs in his gravelly voice, still groggy from being rudely awoken by your mother and you.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" you exclaim in exasperation, pausing briefly to give him an apologetic look before you are racing to the door and flinging it open, desperately begging your mother, "Please stop fucking ringing the doorbell like a madwoman, or the neighbours will complain.".

"Well, it's not my fault you didn't answer the door or your phone for the past twenty—" she pauses to look at her watch, "—eight minutes! You didn't sleep a wink last night, did you?" your mother scolds as she lets herself into your house with bags filled with food that could definitely feed more than three people. At the sound of your mother's voice, Juyeon seems to break free from his daze, shooting up to his feet with his hands clasped together at his front, flashing her a polite, albeit tired smile as she emerges from the hallway.

His clothes are in disarray and his hair is sticking up in all places; anyone could guess that he just woke up from a nap. And your mother is anyone because upon seeing Juyeon, she dumps all her bags onto you in favour of going up to Juyeon to coo at him like he is her own child.

"Juyeon! Aw, did you just wake up? Did I wake you? If I did I'm so sorry," she coos as she squishes his cheeks between her two palms. Keep in mind this absolutely unhinged woman has only known Juyeon for a day. And it shows in the uncomfortable way Juyeon— wait.

Juyeon's smile is bright and blinding and he seems to be in his element as your mother squishes his cheeks and coos at him. He laughs in reciprocation, leaning down to give your mother a hug and a kiss on her cheek. All the while, you stare on in abject horror, the bags of food slipping from your arms due to the sheer weight of them and absolute disgust rolling off your body in waves. You turn around and plop the bags of food on the dining table to avoid their revolting affection for each other. If you didn't know any better you would think that Juyeon is her child instead of you, and her favourite at that.

"Why did you bring so much?" you ask your mother from the dining table, taking box after box of food from the bags and placing them on the table. "It's just the three of us," you mutter under your breath when your mother blatantly ignores you, continuing to talk to Juyeon.

Your mother and Juyeon only join you when you have finished unpacking the food, Juyeon walking to the dining table with a limp. Then, you remember the way you had stomped onto his foot like a titan and cringe in self-loathing.

"You okay?" you ask Juyeon when he stops beside you, hands supporting his upper body as he leans his weight on the dining chair. Your eyes dart down to his foot with a concerned frown before they look back up to his face. He gives you a bright smile and nods, whispering, "Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry.".

"It doesn't hurt?" you continue to ask, concern drawing your eyebrows together in a frown. Your hand moves to his elbow, tugging him away from the dining chair by his elbow so that you can take a look at the reddening skin on his foot. Juyeon understands your thoughts and pulls away from the chair, standing up straight and allowing you sight of his foot. He shakes his head no in response to your question as you examine it.

Your mother who was preoccupied with heating up the food and taking plates and utensils notices your interaction and feels her heart swell in her chest, proud that you've finally found someone who softens you down to warm and easy, calm and gentle, unlike your usual uncaring, violent, brutish nature; proud that someone has figured out how to love you despite your uncaring, violent, brutish nature.

Little does she know that you are paying him. Little does she know that everything happening right now, everything that had happened the night before is and was fake. Because you paid Juyeon to lie for you, to put up an act, to pretend. And after your mother leaves your home today, Juyeon will bow and the curtains will fall as spectators arise from their seats in standing ovation. The show will be over. And so will your relationship with Juyeon.

But not even you know the severity of the reason why your heart is thudding quite so thunderously in your chest. Because this may all be fake, this may all be an act but your feelings, the growing weeds in the meadow of your heart are not fake. They are more real than ever and you can feel the pesky little things curl around your heart and tickle the base of your throat. You try to swallow it down as you look at Juyeon, smile sweet and reassuring and good. But your first thought when you look at him is: shit.

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freyjas-musings · 2 years ago

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Personally, as of right now I can't see Azriel with either Gwyn or Elain. I definitely think the next book will be Azriel's but I don't find myself rooting for either ship because we weren’t given enough interactions between Azriel and Elain or Az and Gwyn. Since CC 3 is coming out before ACOTAR 5, I'm hoping that will change and we get more details so we can paint a clearer picture.

I do find myself leaning more toward the Gwynriel side, though. Mostly because I like Gwyn more than Elain, not because I prefer either of them with Az (I'd much rather he end up with me lmao). I don’t dislike Elain, but after ACOSAF and seeing how unsupportive she was of Nesta, she left a bad taste in my mouth. It quite literally felt like she was "abandoning" her for Feyra because Nesta was the underdog now, and after everything Nesta had done for her!

I have looked at theories from both sides, and I find the E/riel ones veery far fetched and overall not convincing. But there are two points that keep making me question my belief that Az is gonna end up with Gwyn.

1. That there were two bonus scenes, I will talk about the Feyra and Rhys one. Their conversation seems to be centered around Elain, so that gives me a pause cause why would Sarah just have them randomly talk about her on their bonus scene if she'snot gonna play a major role in the next book?

2. Until Azriel's bonus scene I would’ve never thought there was something romantic between Gwyn and Azriel. So my question is, why wait to give such crucial story details in a bonus scene that most of the avarage readers will likely never read?

I'm not a very meticulous reader, I skim quite a bit, so the fact that I didn’t sense anything brewing between Gwyn and Az throughout ACOSF is on me. I went back and reread their interactions after the bonus scene, and I could sense something there, but not much. I have read a lot of theories on here and the Gwynriel ones sound more convincing to me, the only two things I mentioned above keep me unsure.

Gahh, I can't wait until the next book is out, I'm driving myself mad over here. Miss Sarah sure knows how to capture our attention. I hope Gwynriel happens!

Hey , I just read what you wrote . I understand where you are coming from , it is true that Azriel's interaction with both Elain and Gwyn are limited but I do believe SJM gave us an indication of how the story is going in the bonus and I do believe Gwynriel is end game atleast thats how I see things progressing .

My reason for shipping Gwynriel has absolutely no connection to Elain at all . While I do agree her behaviour with Nesta was cruel and selfish... there are some beautiful qualities about Elain too ... her ability to see a silver lining in the worst situations is one of them. Having flaws is what makes these characters interesting, every single archeron sister is flawed whether it was Feyre while destroying the spring court or Nesta with the way she hurt people around including the way she treated Feyre as a child (while I see why she did it , it doesn't mean it wasn't wrong ) or Elain who is selfish and manipulative , its the Elriels who make Elain unbearable but its important to remember its fanon Elain not Canon.

Why do I ship Gwynriel ? Their potential as a couple is amazing if you look at their individual characters and what they can do for each other it makes for a compelling ship . Honestly I saw crumbs of Gwynriel through out ACOSF not just the bonus , as you read more SJM books you start seeing a pattern and they sure do check all of the end game requirements. Also, there is the whole mate thing that is most likely going to happen and I am interested to see their story.

I wouldn't hold my breath about any indication in CC3 for ship confirmations, while I do think it will be clearer than ever that it will be Azriels book next if some of this fandom hasn't realised it yet I doubt they will realise it then (remember SJMs latest interview where she clearly said Elain in "some form" making it obvious she won't get a POV yet people screamed otherwise) .

As far as the bonus of Feyre and Rhys goes all I got there was , there is more to Elain than what meets the eye she is not all sweet and kind. There is indication that she might do something (getting her hands dirty and hurting herself in the process ) that might hurt the people around her while I don't believe she is evil, she may be misguided . We have to understand SJM will need to set her up for her book so we will get more of her story in " SOME FORM" . I am not really worried about that meaning anything in terms of Gywnriel.

Am I a 100% sure it is Gwynriel? No , because I am not SJM .... but I am 99% sure based on my reading comprehension and from reading all of SJMs books that it will be Gwynriel 🙂...

#gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #pro gwynriel #gwyn acosf #acotar #gwyn x azriel #azriel shadowsinger #post acosf #azriel #acosf theory #acotar shadowsinger

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crispyjenkins · 4 years ago

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Rexobi. I really just wanna see Rex and Obi-wan drinking together and complaining about the disaster that is Anakin Skywalker. They decide to team up to get anakin to calm the heck down and to talk about his feelings. Anakin doesn’t realize what’s going on but gets the idea he needs to play matchmaker with his master and his captain. He thinks he’s the smart one but he’s really not

(i have once again chickened out of your full prompt and instead give you the leadup to rexobi getting anakin to talk about his feelings.

i uhhh may be unable to think of anything but a rexobi au à la this post by @norcumii and @dharmaavocado about roleswap-ish senior padawan obi hella vibing with this mutant clone that can’t get above the rank of captain even as an arc trooper because the kaminoans are Like That, and qui-gon is going spare, because between anakin somehow being allowed to be in charge of a whole battalion and obi-wan picking fights with every single seperatist leader, he and cody never get a moment of peace. and like. just obi and rex being dumbass 20 year olds trying to deal with a general/master like anakin in the middle of a war. i don’t have TIME for that though

thank you for the prompt as always, i think this is the only rexobi/obex prompt i’ve ever gotten and this ship is criminally underappreciated. like?? kadavo?? anyways here’s whatever this is)

Alt+R to Quick Reblog on Desktop, Hold the Reblog Symbol to Quick Reblog on Mobile

Not for the first time, Rex wishes Kote were the one here dealing with this, because “how to comfort your favorite Jedi” hadn’t exactly been covered in ARC training – actually, Alpha probably withheld the information on purpose, the fucker.

But Kote is on the other side of the galaxy with the 187th and just as upset they’re not here in Rex’s stead: it’s barely a month off General Kenobi returning to his own face, and Rex knows his vod would strangle the entire Senate if given even half a chance for deploying them separately on their general’s first mission back after the Hardeen... incident.

And Fett’s Ghost knows Rex’s own general is going to pitch a fit when he finds out Rex is here instead of taking leave like the rest of the 501st, but Kote certainly wasn’t about to let Kenobi go all the way to Alderaan unguarded so soon after his supposed death; and honestly, Rex would have been offended if they had asked anybody else to do it. Thankfully, Kenobi hadn’t seemed offended when Rex had shown up at the Jedi Temple’s flight hangar before he could take off; instead, he had been rather amused.

Even luckier, Alderaan is barely a day’s jump from Coruscant, so they don’t have to spend too much time awkwardly pretending that Rex hadn’t attended the man’s funeral in Kote's place (that he would have attended anyways), or that Rex doesn’t know Anakin hasn’t spoken to his former master since their debrief to the High Council about Cad Bane. Which Rex should absolutely not know in the first place, but Anakin is his friend, for better or for worse, and Ahsoka thinks her master airs far too many of his grievances to his captain.

It isn't until their cruiser is making the descent over Alderaan that Kenobi finally addresses the tension between them, which only proves that Kenobi is well aware of it, but had put it off as long as he could. It's a humanising observation, that Rex wishes he could have had when he isn't the only vod in a ten mile radius that isn't the pilot, because at least then he wouldn't be the sole receiver of the soft smile Kenobi gives him as he joins Rex to wait by the shuttle's access hatch.

Rex thanks his progenitor's laughing corpse he has his bucket on, because all he can do is stare.

"You are worried about Anakin," Kenobi says matter of factly, though not unkindly, and Rex lets out a breath that's almost a laugh.

"I promise I am far more discrete with my thoughts in the field, sir."

Kenobi chuckles warmly, tucking his arms behind his back to watch the planet under them grow larger as they approach. "Do try not to worry so much, my dear, this will all resolve itself in time."

It's hard to stare right at his gentle assuredness, so Rex looks away. "You have far more faith in his ability to forgive than I, sir."

That laugh strains at the edges. "Yes, well, I'm afraid some of my lessons seem to have been... lacking."

Rex has regs carbon-printed on his brain, he knows that even without the direct chain of command, the soft push and pull of his relationship with Kenobi, the steady, serene growth of it, is... problematic, for so many reasons that he wouldn't know where to start. Not least of all is rank, how much more important a Jedi is than a replaceable CC-track washout, but, well, Rex had washed out for being too emotional, so it's not as if he's exactly unused to reacting to things inappropriately for a good little soldier.

"It's not my place, sir," he murmurs, remembering Kadavo, remembering Umbara, remembering the hand Kenobi had laid on his shoulder for far too long after the Blue Shadow virus, and has Rex really been this gone since then? "just say the word and I won't mention it again. But just because Kote isn't here doesn't mean you have to... shoulder all of this alone."

In fact, it's wildly not his place to make such an offer, however implicit, but that month on Kadavo did happen, and Rex isn't so self-deprecating to believe he hadn't had a heavy hand in helping Kenobi make it out on the other side as well as he did. He doesn't think so little of the bond they had formed then, to believe that Obi-Wan is unaware of it.

Not when he smiles at Rex like that, like he's a warm cup of caf after a week in the trenches, like Rex is... worthy of such sincere affection.

As the shuttle settles around them and the pilot announces their arrival over comm, Obi-Wan simply says, "I did not for a moment believe I was, my dear."

"You and Rex seem close."

Normally Obi-Wan can feel Anakin coming from an entire corridor away, but he also knows Quinlan has been teaching him a few Shadow tricks, so he isn't entirely surprised when Anakin appears at his elbow in the empty bridge looking like a smug necu.

Aside from eating firstmeal with Kote in the mess, Obi-Wan hasn't even seen Rex today, much less interacted with him: as he understands it, Rex is trying to round up the remaining 501st shinies that are running around the Negotiator, so Obi-Wan really doesn't know where Anakin had gotten that notion. Recently, at least.

Anakin rolls his eyes and scoffs, leaning back on the railing next to him and crossing his arms. "Please, Master, even Snips has noticed."

Obi-Wan refrains from telling him that anyone with a modicum more self-awareness than him has noticed. Be that as it may, "This is one of those times where I truly don't know what you're trying to say, my dear: I have been close with Rex since he was in the 212th."

It isn't even an exaggeration, that there had been... something between them before Anakin whisked Rex away to his own battalion after his knighting, though back then it had been nothing more than friendship. If he recalls correctly, and he does, the cleanup of the Ryloth capitol had been the first time since then that they had worked closely, while Anakin had been on the ground with the locals and Mace had been with General Syndulla, and Obi-Wan had found he still quite enjoyed the way they worked together. Their time on Naboo combating the Blue Shadow virus had only endeared the captain more to him —he does remember a slip in propriety in his relief that Rex had been rescued safely with Padmé and Ahsoka, a hand left too long on the captain's shoulder until Kote had called him away— enough that Obi-Wan had been both relieved and horrified that it was Rex there to support him on Kadavo.

"Cody said Rex was the one to go with you to Alderaan; you sure nothing 'happened' while you were there?" Anakin chuckles to himself like he's being incredibly clever, like there isn’t a hickey visible over the collar of his under tunic.

Obi-Wan raises a brow slowly and refrains from rolling his eyes. "Despite what you may believe, Anakin, not everyone leaps into committed relationships after life-threatening situations." Not that Alderaan had been life-threatening, it had actually been as close to actual leave as Obi-Wan has had the entire war.

"Please, it took Padmé and I ages to–"

Anakin seems to swallow his tongue, then, face rapidly going purple, and it really is a miracle the entire Republic doesn’t know about his marriage; the GAR certainly does.

Sighing, Obi-Wan checks the chrono and decides it isn't too early for another cup of tea. "If you have a specific question about my relationship with Captain Rex, I do wish you’d be direct, my dear."

Anakin splutters. "Relationship?!"

"Great Maker, Anakin, you’re easier to spook than a half-starved blurrg." He pats Anakin’s arm, his sonbrother floundering for anything other than abject confoundment, as Obi-Wan turns away from the bridge to go locate both tea, and his commander to hopefully finalise their newest mission orders. "Don't worry," he calls over his shoulder, "I'll actually let you come to the wedding, unlike someone."

Not that Obi-Wan has any such plans, Maker knows he and Rex have yet to address their feelings in the first place, but he'd be lying if part of him doesn't want to conspire with the captain in question —and perhaps Ahsoka— to see just how far they could take this before Anakin realises they're stringing him along.

Remarkably, Rex is waiting by Obi-Wan’s office with a flimsi cup of tea and a harried smile that promised quite the day chasing after shinies, and Obi-Wan decides conning his former apprentice can wait.

Mando’a: vod/e — “brother/s”, “comrade/s”, “sibling/s”, technically gender neutral but used most often in fandom as “brother/s”

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triptuckers · 3 years ago

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Revenge - Kaz Brekker

Request: yes :) “seeing as your requests are open, i thought i might as well pitch you an idea too, since i'm here... how about a little bit of a twist on the usual hurt/comfort, angst, etc with kaz? like... instead of getting hurt because of him, he's the one who gets hurt because of the reader? maybe she joined the dregs, running away from her past. but then someone wanting revenge finds her, sees how much she cares for kaz, and decides to get back at her by going after him... idk where exactly i'm going with this, it's just an idea, the details i leave up to you :))” Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader Summary: You thought you’d be safe from the people in your past once you got to Ketterdam, but you couldn’t have been more wrong Warnings: mentions of blood, injuries, bruising, death, language, angst Word count: 2.4K A/N: to the one who send me this request: your lil message made me feel so happy & loved, I am so glad you appreciate my work <3 sending you lots of hugs! thanks for requesting this, enjoy reading! :)

You’re standing on one of the docks. You’ve got your coat wrapped tightly around you to protect yourself from the cold wind. It’s dark outside, and most of Ketterdam is deserted, its residents retired to the comfort of their warm houses.

You like to come to the docks and look out over the sea. It calms you. The sound of the waves, the salty air, it all reminds you of your past, and you go to the docks to tell yourself you don’t ever have to go back if you don’t want to.

It’s not that you hated your entire past, just parts of it. For a while, you were actually quite happy. Sailing the seas, laughing along with your crew, and taking what you wanted from rich politicians who dared to cross your waters.

It was fine for a while, only taking from those who already had too much. It didn’t bother you. But then your captain started to take from everyone and everything, and using more violence. You were hesitant, but didn’t say much. Even though your crew was basically your family, they could easily toss you in the sea. But then your captain started to take people as well, not just things. He forced them to work on his ship, and you knew it was wrong.

When you spoke up about it, they turned on you, threatening you. You were to work with the prisoners, and it was horrible. So, when you saw the opportunity, you jumped ship, along with a few prisoners. The sea was cold, and you swam for nearly three days, when a ship picked you up. It was headed to Kerch. When you set foot on the Ketterdam docks, you vowed to never sail again. You parted ways with the people that had been taken prisoner, and joined the Dregs soon after.

Part of you is still scared your captain or someone else of your old crew finds you, and gets their revenge on you. But since joining the Dregs, you’ve improved your fighting and survival skills, and the other members of the Dregs have your back.

When the wind is almost too cold, and the sky is pitch black, you decide to head back to the Slat. You liked staying on the docks, but it wasn’t wise to stay out on the streets of Ketterdam for too long, especially when it was dark.

After one last look at the sea, you turn and start walking back to the Slat. Your hand is on one of your revolvers as you walk, eyes open and ears focused on any sounds you hear. You had been jumped before, and knew it wouldn’t be the last time it would happen.

You keep your head down as you’re walking, but then you notice a figure in the distance. You slow down and take another look at the person ahead of you. You can see they’re limping, and realise they must be hurt. Instantly, you’re on edge, in case their attacker is still close.

You pick up the pace again, looking at the person in front of you as you approach them. The closer you get, the more familiar they seem. And then you’re close enough to recognise a cane.

Normally, you’d tell yourself it probably wouldn’t be Kaz. Lately, every figure or silhouette looked like Kaz to you. But it was unmistakably Kaz’ cane, and you knew he would never allow anyone to take it from him.

‘Kaz!’ you say and you sprint the last bit to get to him. When you get to him, your jaw drops when you see him. He’s got several stab wounds on his upper body, and his face is bruised and bloody.

‘What are you doing here?' says Kaz as soon as he notices it’s you. ‘It’s not safe here.’ he grumbles.

‘It’s Ketterdam at night. Of course it’s not safe.’ you say, letting your eyes roam over his body, looking at his injuries.

‘It’s not safe for you.’ says Kaz, wincing as he presses a hand to one of his wounds to apply pressure to it.

‘What does that mean?’ you say, frowning.

‘Your former captain says hi.’ says Kaz.

Your eyes widen at his words and your breath catches in your throat. Had he found you? Did he somehow manage to track you all the way to Ketterdam?

‘He did this to you?’ you say. Kaz nods.

‘Saints, Kaz, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. He blames me for freeing some of the prisoners. Rightfully, though. I’d already figured he’d send someone after me if he learned I was in Ketterdam. I never would have thought he’d send someone after you.’ you say.

You look at his beaten up body again. Somehow, he still managed to look good. His suit is dusty and bloody, but it still fit his body perfectly. His hair is messy and there’s sweat on his forehead, but you don’t mind.

‘I’m sorry, Kaz.’ you say. ‘This is all my fault.’

You want to move closer to him to help him, but you know he’d never allow you to. So you keep your distance.

Kaz doesn’t respond to you, instead he moves to continue walking. It results into him nearly falling to the floor. You have to hold yourself back not to catch him. Kaz clutches his cane to prevent his body from hitting the floor.

‘We have to get you back to the Slat.’ you say, still keeping your distance. The last thing you want to do is trigger something in him when you’re the one that got him hurt in the first place.

Kaz pushes himself up with his cane, groaning as he straightens his back.

‘Can you walk?’ you ask him.

‘I can manage.’ he says through gritted teeth. But he takes two steps and almost falls down again. You clench your fists to prevent yourself from reaching out to him. You can’t handle that he’s hurt and you can’t even help him to walk.

‘Y/N.’ he says. His voice his softer than usual, and it catches you off guard. ‘You need to help me walk.’ he says.

‘Kaz, I don’t want to-’ ‘I want you to. I need you to.’

You slowly walk up to him. He looks you in your eyes and gives you a single nod, silently giving you permission.

‘I don’t know Kaz.’ you say. ‘It feels wrong, touching you.’

‘Y/N, the longer we’re out here, the longer we are in danger and the more risk of me bleeding to death on the streets, is that something you want?’ snaps Kaz.

‘No, of course not!’ you say.

‘Then come here.’ he says and with one swift movement, he pulls you closer and swings one of his arms over your shoulder.

‘If at any point you want to stop, I get it.’ you say, a bit flustered now that you’re so close to him.

‘Y/N just get me to the damn Slat.’ says Kaz. ‘But could you just... Tell what you’re going to do while you’re doing it? Makes it easier.’

‘Of course.’ you say. ‘I'm going to put my hand around your waist, and grab your hand with the other, okay?’

You see him clench his jaw as he nods. You slowly move to wrap your arm around his waist. You then wait a few seconds before grabbing ahold of his gloved hand that’s on your shoulder.

‘Alright.’ you say. ‘Ready?’

Kaz nods and you start to walk toward the Slat.

The journey is slow, and you try your best to keep Kaz talking and conscious. But he’s losing a lot of blood, leaving a trail of red drops behind on the street.

When you finally get to the Slat and push its door open, it’s crowded. A lot of heads turn your way as you scan the crowd for Nina. When you spot her, you see her eyes have widened as she looks at Kaz. You signal for her to follow you and you start to walk up the stairs to Kaz’ floor.

When you finally get there, you walk to his room and lay him down on the bed.

‘What happened?’ says Nina as she enters the room.

‘Someone of my past got to Kaz.’ you mumble, struggling to meet Kaz’ eyes. ‘Roughed him up pretty bad.’

Nina moves to see to his internal wounds and you can see Kaz keeps his jaw clenched at the close proximity to another person. When she’s done, he moves to sit up.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ you say.

‘Business.’ groans Kaz and you raise your eyebrows at him.

‘Kaz Brekker, I did not drag your ass all the way from the docks to the Slat, only for you to resume working instead of resting.’ you say.

‘I'm fine.’

‘You almost bled to death in the streets!’ you say. ‘Half your body is covered in wounds and Nina’s only healed the internal ones.’

‘I can manage.’

‘Like hell you can.’ you say. ‘I'll take over the Dregs for a while. And as for you, let someone see to your wounds. And honestly, would it kill you to take a nap every now and then?’

‘I can see to my own wounds.’

You groan and throw your hands up out of frustration. ‘Fine!’ you say. ‘Go bandage those wounds all by yourself, I'm not helping!’

Nina steps closer to you ‘I can-’ ‘And Nina’s not going to help you either!’ you say. ‘If you want to be stubborn and suffer, be my guest!’

You leave his room and move to sit by the window of his office instead. A while later Nina leaves the room, telling you Kaz has started to fix himself up.

You stay in his office, trying to get your anger to go away. You close your eyes and imagine the sea, taking deep breaths. You can almost taste the salty air and feel the cold wind on your skin. You’ve done a pretty good job at calming yourself down, when you hear Kaz’ voice coming from his room.

‘Y/N?’ he says.

You open your eyes, walk up to his room and pause in the doorway. He’s sitting up on the bed. He’d taken his shirt off and put bandages around his chest. The cuts and bruises on his arms and face aren’t treated yet.

You always thought of Kaz as this indestructible man, who led a gang, and is considered one of the most dangerous criminals and most talented thieves in all of Ketterdam. But when he’s sitting on the bed, bruised and bloody, shoulders slumped and tired eyes, you see him for who he truly is: a boy who’s been hurt too many times before and needs help.

He holds out the bandages and wet cloth he used to clean his wounds.

‘Could you...?’ he asks.

You notice he’s not meeting your eyes and realise how hard it must have been to admit he needs your help.

You nod and walk over to him. You take the bandages and the cloth from his hands without touching his skin, and drag out a chair so you can sit in front of him. You glance at the gloves that rest on the bed next to him. You put the bandages and cloth aside and grab the gloves.

‘What are you doing?’ says Kaz, looking at you as you put them on.

‘This way I can treat your wounds without having skin to skin contact.’ you say. ‘Maybe that makes it easier.’

Kaz looks at you and smiles.

‘You’re so tired you can’t even fight off your own muscles?’ you ask. ‘I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I've seen you smile.’

‘I smile more than you think.’ says Kaz.

‘hmm.’ you hum. ‘Sure.’ you say as you move to start cleaning his wounds.

You try your best to talk to him and distract him while you clean and bandage his wounds.

‘Why would your former captain go after me and not you?’ he wonders out loud after a while.

‘Because when you want to hurt someone, you don’t hurt them, you hurt the ones they care most about.’ you simply state.

Kaz is surprised. ‘You care about me?’

‘Of course I do. I never tried to hide that.’ you say.

You continue to clean his wounds, unaware of Kaz looking at your face instead of your hands.

‘You really scared me, Kaz. I thought you were going to die.’ you mumble.

‘It takes more than a knife and one angry man to kill me.’ he says.

‘He tried really hard though.’ you mumble as you continue to clean and bandage his wounds.

‘But he didn’t succeed.’ says Kaz. ‘If it weren’t for you, he would have. You got me back to the Slat and got Nina to fix me up.’

‘After I basically forced you to.’ you say.

‘If you hadn’t, I would have done it all by myself. Who knows how that would have worked out.’ says Kaz.

‘I'm guessing not that good.’ you say, earning a small chuckle from him.

You continue talking to him and treating his wounds. When you’re finished, you get up and gather the mess. You walk to the other side of the room to throw it in the bin, and then walk back to where Kaz is still sitting on the bed.

‘I know you don’t like this, but please try to get some rest.’ you say. ‘The Dregs can manage a week or so without you.’

Kaz nods and moves to lay down on his bed. You walk toward the door, but his voice stops you.

‘Y/N.’ he says, making you look over your shoulder at him. ‘Thank you.’

‘Of course.’ you say, smiling briefly. ‘And sorry, again. For getting beaten up because of me.’

‘A good beating every now and then never hurt anyone. Builds character.’ says Kaz.

‘Are you sure your brain didn’t get messed up?’ you say. ‘You’re talking nonsense.’

‘I’m merely stating facts. Now I've got another grudge to hold.’ says Kaz. ‘Now go so I can get some rest.’

You smile once more before leaving his room, shutting the door behind you. You had loved your life on the sea before it took a turn. But you’d gladly do it all over again if it meant you would find your way to Kaz.

You look down at your hands and notice you’re still wearing his gloves. You take them off and place them on his desk. After a while of looking at them, you head downstairs to tell the others what happened.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

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licuadora-nasir · 3 years ago

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Could it be?: Episode 6 fic.

I made my own version of Eldarya ANE's last talk with Lance since I felt that some things were... Missing. Or not completly clear regarding Lance and Erika's past.

The reason why I put my gardienne's name instead of "Erika"? During TO you can decide if you empathize with Lance or not, if you want to understand him or just go with it and try to kill him, and my OC had a bit of hope towards him until the very last moment.

Therefore, whether you liked Lance or not in season one, I thought that it would be more proper to do not use "Erika" this time and give each gardienne more free will.

Any feedback or suggestion is appreciated ❤️ Also, if anyone wants to request anything be my guest lmao, college doesn't start until September and I don't have much to do.

I want to thank the kind @rina-nanashiro that has assisted carefully reading it and pointing my grammar mistakes (English is not my mother tongue woah what a suprise).

I certainly screwed up this time. I was feeling awful. How could I let this happen? Why didn’t I prevent it?

I couldn’t stop thinking about Edgard’s death. The image of the knife in his neck, his blood a wild contrast to the white pristine snow behind him. The only thing I could do before rushing to the ship was stupidly staring at his corpse. Tenjin and his men hurried out and I just let them. I did nothing, again.

I was on the ship’s rail, staring at the ocean like it was the most intriguing and interesting thing I had ever seen. Even the waves seemed to mock me that day. They were calm and peaceful, not like in our first journey when they almost destroyed our ship. Despite it, I would prefer troubled waters that match my mood.

What would I tell Huang Hua, Chrome, Karenn and the rest of the people who expected great things out of me? Am I worthy of a statue when I’m not even capable of saving someone who’s right in front of my eyes? Did I honestly deserve all the praise at the title of “Eldarya’s saviour”? The truth will out and soon all the Eldaryans will realise that I’m nothing but a human with small wings and sparkling powers.

The sound of footsteps interrupted my train of thought. Lance came towards me with a slightly worried expression.

— Are you alright, Kali? You seem pensive.

— Well, we could say so, yes. — I guess he would prefer to say that I seemed pensive instead of a complete failure. Lance sighed and his mien turned serious.

— Actually, you look quite miserable. You’ve barely started these long monologues of yours talking about anything that crosses your mind. — I let a sad chuckle escape my lips. This man could read me like an open book.

— Look, I’m truly sorry we weren’t able to protect Edgard. Really. — I tightened my grip against the rail and turned myself towards the ocean.

— I swore to protect him. To keep him safe, to take him to the HQ. I promised I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him. And now he’s dead.

I didn’t dare to turn my head to face him. I didn’t want to see the look in his eyes; pity or annoyance, I just didn’t want to see it. If he pitied me I would feel worse, but if he was angry, I wouldn’t hesitate to argue with him.

— Kali…

— It could have been me! It could have been Mathieu! I was there, I could have helped him.

— Accidents always happen, Kalissandra. This mission turned out to be much more complicated than we initially expected. You weren’t supposed to save his life, you were supposed to assist in the examination of the earth construction.

— But wouldn’t you try to protect one of your kind? — I regretted that the moment I said it. I could feel his jaw tightening even without looking at it. Great Kali, you just have reminded him about the extinction of his whole race.

— I’m sorry I… I didn’t want… I just.... — I couldn’t swallow the lump in my throat, and my eyes already began to burn.

— How’s that I’m supposed to be the saviour of Eldarya when I can’t even help someone that’s in front of my eyes? How can I deserve all that admiration when I can’t even do that! I could have been Edgard, Lance, I could have ended up there just like him and DIE the way he did. He was scared, he didn’t deserve it, he just wanted to try and make a living! And The Oracle knows how many people are still out there! And I’m here, doing ABSOLUTELY nothing!— I could not help but let some sobs run free. It was impossible to remove Edgard’s presence from my mind.

It would not matter how many years have passed nor the many deaths I have witnessed. The cruel truth about life would not ever stop being impressive to me.

Oh dammit, how was I even supposed to be a mighty warrior when I struggled to face death?

I felt a soft grasp on my shoulder, and Lance turned me gently to face him.

— Kali, look at me. — Without any hesitation left, I raised my head to face his deep, ice stare. I was expecting some kind of annoyance, pity or maybe even indifference, but what I found was… Determination.

— You are not him. You were truly lucky you landed right in the HQ, and I know you tend to empathize with anyone, even with the ones who don’t precisely deserve it, — He left my eyes for a brief moment. Was he talking about himself? — but right now, there’s no use in thinking about the “what if”. It has happened, and there’s no chance of going back.

— You have to learn to accept that you can’t save everyone. It doesn’t matter how strong you are, how fast you run or the prowess you have upon your powers, you will never control everything that happens around you.

— The fact that you saved Eldarya doesn’t mean that you’re supposed to be perfect. And as I told you, It’s important to be aware of our capacities, but no one is invincible, not the dragons or the aengels. — His hand came to rest on my face, his thumb brushing away a tear running down my face. Determination never left his eyes, still locked with mine. — You may have become a legend, but you are still a person. — His hand was to leave my face, but I gingerly held his wrist to keep it in place.

— I see how willing you are to help everyone in need and improve every day, even though you have skipped the training of the obsidian guard for three weeks. — I genuinely laughed at that. When I learned that he was my boss I was completely horrified.

— Fine, I promise you’ll see me there in the next one. — I gave the dragon a small smile that he returned eagerly. After a satisfied nod, he spoke to me again.

— Listen… I still wanted to tell you that you were impressive, back there. — His hand began to stroke my cheek with his fingertip. I could feel the warmth gathering in my face. — I already knew you were a precious asset for The Guard, of course…

— But I realise now that you are… More than that. — More than that? More than that in which way?!?! At this point, I’m sure my cheeks were flushed with a crimson red, and he must have noticed too, cause he seemed pretty satisfied with it.

— Well, the last time we were together, we didn’t take much time to talk. — He smiled awkwardly and withdrew his hand.

We stayed in silence, side by side, facing the ocean, for several long minutes. There was something intimate about that moment. Strangely, being beside him was… Calming. After this conversation, I felt great. Much better than these past days.

I believed we finally recognized each other. Of course, not everything was forgiven nor forgotten, I hoped we had a chance to discuss our past but right now… I could finally breathe in peace beside him. I didn’t have to keep my guard up around the dragon anymore.

I mean, he could have let me drown in the depth of the ocean and say that it was an accident. Wait, what am I even saying? That wouldn’t work. He’s not incompetent enough to let anyone drown under his gaze. Fine, I won’t thank him for any of that.

But… He did seem truly concerned about my well-being. He has given me a helping hand several times when no one was looking, and even though that’s not enough to neglect his stubborn personality, and yet…

Suddenly, I was seized with doubt. Something strange was happening between us… My heart was racing like crazy, and a small wave of panic rushed through me. His piercing blue gaze was lost in the horizon, and I couldn’t help but be mesmerized by his eyes…

I recognized this feeling. It was very similar to the one I had when we were in memoria, at the forgotten cliff. That time, I still had a small hope that there was something good left in him, and maybe, just maybe, I was right, and this was what I was expecting.

Was it possible..? That he really… That he actually had changed? I couldn’t find the Lance that sunk his claws in his brother’s chest in the Lance that was standing beside me.

I was conflicted. I couldn’t forget the man who inspired my fear, the one I hated and hurt me several times, and at the same time, a new growing feeling was overflowing me.

I shouldn’t, I… It’s Lance! We never got along, and I don’t even think he even wants to, but I was hoping… What was I even hoping for?

I have to get a hold of myself and stop overthinking. I have experienced too many emotions in a few days, and I could always ponder about this with my head over my shoulders.

In the meantime, we were getting close to the HQ, and we would have to face the consequences of our actions in Genkaku.

#eldarya #eldarya new era #eldarya ane #eldarya ne #eldarya lance #lance #lance eldarya #eldarya fanfic #eldarya fic #fic #fanfic #lance fic #Lance fanfic #Lance fanfiction #eldarya fanfiction #my writing #eldarya episode 6 #eldarya ANE episode 6 #eldarya 6×2

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cuntycassandra · 3 years ago

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Breaking down Hunter and Omega’s relationship: pt 4.

Hi everybody. My biggest apologies for the delay on this series over the past two weeks, I’ve had a lot of medical issues going on, alongside a big decision in my life I had to make before the end of September taking precedence. However, with a little more time on my hands and a new team of proof readers behind me, I’m hoping to be back on track soon enough! I hope you enjoy my analysis of ‘Cornered’, and please always feel free to reply/reblog/send an ask with your opinions and discussions! I love to hear and reply to them! 💛

(Pasted paragraphs: I would just like to add a disclaimer here. I am, in no way whatsoever, slating the other batchers for having differing relationships with Omega. I absolutely adore everything single one of the boys, and I think they all have wonderful and unique interrelations with her. Although I may point out these different approaches in comparison to Hunter’s, I am not stating these engages are wrong, just different is all!

I’m going to separate this into a little series- covering each episode in a separate post, which I’ll have tagged as the series progresses. Once I’ve tackled these two, as they’re my favourites, I’m going to move on to each individual Batcher and perhaps a few other dynamics such and Hunter and Crosshair, or Wrecker and Omega! Let me know what you guys would like to see!)

(Thank you to this weeks proof-reader: @very-depressing-waffel 💛)

Cornered: S1/E4

Although minimal, I absolutely love the small interaction between these two in the opening scene of this episode. While it would make sense for Hunter to take the chair, as he is navigating co-ordinates, instead he allows Omega to sit down and rest, the pure affection between them is particularly radiant in these moments. I’d also like to note that it is Hunter’s order to originally send them to Idaflor, where we can only assume he is heeding Cut’s previous advice given on the subject of ‘disappearing to start a new life’. By connotation, this essentially means Hunter was extremely ready to settle down with his brothers and both raise and protect his newly found little one. However this clearly becomes an evident concern of Hunter’s as Omega begins to whine, claiming she desperately wants to explore the galaxy instead of hiding away on an uninhabited planet. Although appreciating her enthusiasm, he insists they cannot risk it, not right now, showing he has all further plans to take her to see the universe whenever it may be safe to do so. Her safety has become his priority.

Also, another little mimic on Omega’s part is mentioned after Tech’s evaluates their situation- “Well, Pantora it is.” “Pantora it is :)”. This angel, she steals my heart.

Moving on slightly to the arrival of Pantora, Hunter’s civvies and Omega carrying his backpack for him, which is as big as her little torso might I add, makes the world spin. Notice too how her eyes never leave him for a moment, it’s a typical child trait when wanting to catch an adult’s attention for good behaviour. After Wrecker mentions the implications of sightseeing, which ultimately peaks Omega’s interest, Hunter is quick to diffuse the situation by insisting this is only a quick supply run. I strongly believe this is because although he intends to take Omega into the city with him, most likely recognising her desperation to explore, his main intention is to keep her safe and protected, I personally spy a compromise here. Finally, regarding this little interaction, when inviting Omega to join them, he calls her ‘Mega, ‘MEGA!!! Hunter is the first member of the batch to nickname her affectionately, and her little excited cheer in response says it all!

When strolling through the busy marketplace, I noticed that alongside drinking up all sights she can set her eyes on, Omega continues to perform the aforementioned ‘smile at parent because I am both well behaved and very excited’ technique, breaking away from her awestruck staring to give Hunter a cute grin, which he affectionately returns under the realisation that her purity and innocence has erupted through something as simple as a marketplace, another endearing trait his charge has displayed. I’d also like to shed light on the protective hand-on-shoulder movement Hunter uses after the squad of troopers pass by him, Omega, and Echo. His wary stare and protectiveness is an extreme diversion from his usual headstrong attitude, which we know is correlated to his need to protect his charge. (Hand-on-shoulder, AGAIN. Comforting Dad alert!!)

When offering to trade with the Gran merchant, I noticed that whenever Omega picked up a new item to inspect or show off to Echo, Hunter glances over his shoulder to observe her. I have reason to believe he might not only be watching her explore, but keeping an eye on her after the incident on Cut’s farm. I can practically see Suu’s words of advice ringing in his ears, and he wants to make sure she stays out of trouble. And after she does inevitably knock something over, although he scowls a little in her direction (as any parent would), Hunter swiftly turns his look of annoyance towards the Gran as he begins to scold Omega, once again showing his protectiveness in her regard, and in all honesty, he has every right to respond this way, we’ve already established this salesman is stubborn and conceited.

The entire plot of this episode is centred around Omega’s inevitable separation from Hunter and Echo as she ends up running off to chase a voorpak, who has stolen her new doll. We cannot fault Omega for her behaviour, it was a little juvenile at most, but we must take into account this would be her first time in such a situation, and she has never been taught otherwise. Hunter’s immediate faltering smile as he realises Omega is missing is honestly gut wrenching. He has just received 3,000 credits, a hefty sum for what they’re in need of, and now he’s lost his ward, and the pain and concern is fully mirrored through his halting eyes.

I’m moving ahead slightly to add a little character-action comparison! Now, this may just be me nitpicking, and I mean no hate to Fennec Shand (I actually ADORE her), but did anybody else notice the difference between her hold on Omega and how Hunter holds her? Fennec’s fingers lay beneath the nape of Omega’s neck, almost curling into her tunic’s collar, and so while it may seem protective, it actually holds very possessive and controlling connotations. Whereas when Hunter places a hand to Omega’s shoulder, his fingers are quite loose, and it only ever rests up her upper shoulder, allowing the girl freedom if she so much as wishes it. It’s extremely docile. Furthermore, I wanted to briefly comment on Hunter’s tenderness when retrieving Omega’s new doll, most likely using it to track her recent movement. His hold is very gentle, considering he is now clinging to the last piece of Omega he has contact with, and a noticeable shred of panic holds his upper body rigid for good measure. It’s very nicely animated.

Coming ahead swiftly to the brief ‘positive’ interaction between Omega and Fennec, I haven’t seen this mentioned before but I personally see the discussion concerning the need for protection when travelling the galaxy as a small nod to Omega’s newly found connection to the boys, and Hunter specifically. Omega insists it’s a good thing she has her ‘friends’. Noticeably, she is still very hesitant to label them as her brothers, as she most likely feels excluded to an extent (bearing in mind the boys were raised together with the exclusion of Echo, no matter her previous ties to them, Omega was always going to feel isolated to some extent), but not enough to deny she has an attachment to them, and vice versa. Hunter has already shown on multiple occasions (Kamino, Saleucami, the moon from episode 3) that he would do whatever it takes to protect her, but it’s nice to see Omega’s perspective on the newly found emotions too.

Finally, Hunter is able to catch up to both Omega and Fennec, and the sudden change in his demeanour and her aura of innocence is extremely present here. Hunter drops the worrisome parental act fairly quickly, and it’s replaced with the familiar soldier we all know and recognise, he needs to exhibit such strengths to assert the extent he is willing to go to protect Omega. Equally, upon realising Fennec doesn’t quite have her best interest at heart, Omega wastes no time jumping (recklessly) into action to save both herself and Hunter anymore trouble. Of course, being a weightless little girl, she isn’t able to do much, and Hunter ends up in a physical altercation with Shand, where he actually ends up taking his eyes off the assassin to address Omega directly, insisting she run. This not only shows just how much he cares about her, but how desperate he was to ensure her safety by putting himself at risk by not only getting into a fight, but exposing a vulnerability by taking his eyes off of her. (Her worried little face as she flees too, poor girl 😔)

(This point doesn’t have much to do with the relationship between these two, so feel free to skip over it if you want, but I did want to briefly comment on Omega’s timid exterior as she runs to Wrecker in the maintenance tunnels. It truly helps to perceive her genuine age and immaturity, the way she cowers into his neck and sits in his arms especially.)

After Tech informs Hunter of Omega’s current predicament involving the maintenance tower, it’s easily noticeable that when questioning Tech’s information, his voice mirrors the exact tone and edge it held when berating both the former and Echo after their ship was impounded in Saleucami. To me, this shows a clear connotation between the dire situations, and how quickly Hunter has taken to his new role in Omega’s life, and his job as her primary carer. Not to mention, she is literally hanging mid-traffic lane, and in desperate need of assistance. Alongside this, we see previously in this episode that not only was Hunter worried about attracting unwanted attention, after receiving such a thing and accidentally allowing Omega to hang in the balance (pun unintended), he actually steals somebody’s hoverbike in an attempt to rescue the little one, seeming to not care he is attracting even more unwanted attention. There is no hesitation on his end.

The look of absolutely HORROR that crosses this man’s face as Omega drops from the tower and just about hits the hovertruck below. We haven’t seen a look like that cross Hunter’s features since Crosshair’s ‘betrayal’, another indication to his immense worry for the newest member of his family. Equally, this is mirrored by Omega’s wide eyed, petrified stare as she momentarily watches Fennec shoot straight for Hunter’s bike, realising both she and the closest thing she has to a parent are still in serious peril. We need to take into account that this little girl has never experienced something this grim before, and the internal panic is evident for both herself, and Hunter especially.

This brings us down to the “HUNTER!!” comment from Omega as she dangles from the hovertruck. I personally believe her first initial thoughts were not to warn Hunter of the oncoming Shand, but instead a desperation to cry out for help from her guardian. This escalated as she notices Fennec approaching, and her eyes even widen as she calls out for Hunter to watch out, giving further evidence that her first thoughts might not have correlated to her eventual dialogue. It’s also important to note that despite her incredibly tragic situation, Omega is still much more worried about Hunter’s predicament than her own.

(Slightly unimportant, but I love the way Hunter leans in to take Omega in his arm before Shand knocks him out of the way. It’s very parental.)

I never noticed this before, but as Hunter catches Omega’s hand and hauls her onto the bike, he actually scans her over briefly to check for any injuries, before insisting she hold on tight. Notice how his voice isn’t scolding or harsh, he’s very calm despite the dire situation, doing his best to remain neutral for Omega’s sake, especially considering the day she’s had. It’s also important to note that this is further improvement from the situation on Saleucami, another example of their ever-growing relationship.

The WAVE of relief that rolls from Hunter’s entire demeanour as he places the backpack down in the Marauder cockpit, knowing he can finally rest now that Omega is safe, while simultaneously anticipating the flurry of issues about to storm their already hectic lives with a bounty hunter after the kid. His eyes are exhausted, his shoulders are only slightly slacked to insinuate his rough exterior, and yet he still does his absolute best to comfort Omega as she begins to get upset over the prior events and the unknown future.

And, finally, a small action but important nonetheless. I noticed that Omega’s eyes quiver slightly as she begins to get upset, and in her final moments on screen, they direct towards Hunter. This may seem unimportant, but it provides further evidence to the notion that she seeks him out for protection specifically. She’s upset and frightened, so she looks to him because he protects her. It is set up as if she’s about to toss herself into his arms, because she needs him right now.

I hope you liked my analysis of Hunter and Omega’s relationship in episode four of The Bad Batch! Of course, I’d love to discuss these two with anybody who might be interested, so please feel free to drop me an ask or a DM, and if you’re captivated enough I’d totally recommend looking out for my future posts on the topic!

As always, much love to our ‘Megs and Hunter, thank you for reading! 💛

Part One: Aftermath

Part Two: Cut and Run

Part Three: Replacements

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