#i think the fact that i binged it all in one sitting kinda. contributed.

[monofazz]

I'm just glad to learn I'm not the only one.

[nad-zeta]

Hello, hello, hello! I loved your head canons about the warlords' ages and I wonder if you can write head canons of the warlords' profession, not in modern AU but the warlords deciding to go to the future with MC and well, the profession they would have!! Thank you so muuuuuuuuuch. 💕

Hi hi, love! 🌻Thank you sooo much for the ask! This is legit my third time writing this up, the first time I did this, I forgot to save the word file, and the second time my laptop crashed right after I finished writing it😭....... But finally, here it is🌻! I’m so happy you liked my HC, I hope you enjoy this one, and I hope you have a good day! ❤🔥

Headcanon: Warlords and their future jobs 

Nobunaga

I think the second Nobunaga arrives in the future he would become a businessman

He would start off small from your apartment, but within the month he will turn into the biggest corporate leader, having thousands of people working under him

He would spend the first few weeks just chilling in the future with you but soon start to get bored

He would also, low key feel like its wrong for you to be supporting both of you

He does some research on stock trading and then starts playing around with your life savings

Good thing for you, Nobunaga is a clever man, and he manages to triple the money in a week by playing around on the stock market

He uses the income made, to start a small business, which soon starts growing at the speed of light

This man will not be able to work for someone so I can definitely see him being the CEO of his own company

He will be the ruler of the corporate world in no time

It’s pretty funny how in the span of a year he has earned the old name he once carried in the past “Devil king.”

Masamune

This is a no brainer

Obviously he will be a chef

I think he would start off small like finding a job at a local café but then soon take the culinary world by storm

It started off when the two of you went to eat at one of your favourite cafes

He enjoyed the food so much, he couldn’t help but pop into the kitchen to thank the chef (◕‿◕✿)

The kitchen was absolute mayhem and the chef had told him that he was very short-staffed

And that is how Masa got his first future job

He worked in the café for a few months picking up experience and learning to use all the futuristic equipment

From there, he bounced around from place to place learning all sorts of cool culinary techniques

I think at the end of the day he will most likely open his own restaurant

One that specializes in authentic Japanese cuisine

Hell I wouldn’t be surprised if he opened a branch of the restaurant in Nobunagas company

Mitsunari

I can see this cutie angel being a teacher or professor

I think he would be a great academic and educator

I can actually, see this boi being a professor teaching all sorts of subjects from statistics to the art of war ヾ(●ε●)ノ

The first few weeks of being in the future with you, he spends in the library absorbing as much knowledge as possible

One day while he is sitting and reading up on every and any subject, he overhears a group of struggling professors at a nearby table

Apparently they had been trying to solve a certain equation for months now but to no luck (ﾉಠдಠ)ﾉ︵┻━┻

Mitsunari walks up to the group and cheerily asks if he can be of some assistance (◕ᴗ◕✿)

Usually the group would just laugh and chase the random stranger away but desperate times…

They hand Mitsunari the equation and this clever boi takes one look at it and starts writing out the answer

The math professors were sister shook… Like he didn’t even freaken, need a calculator (◯Δ◯��)

They legit offered him a job as a lecturer and he soon becomes the students’ favourite absent minded professor (◕‿◕✿)

I think he will most definitely also publish a few research papers as well and contribute to the body of knowledge in all sorts of subjects

Ieyasu

Also super easy he will either be a vet or a doctor although I am leaning more towards veterinarian cause of his love for animals

He will most likely join Mitsunari in university, cause he is a super-smart porcupine he will become a certified vet in no time

Also spends the first few weeks of being in the future at the library absorbing as much medical knowledge as possible

He gets the idea of becoming a vet after watching a bunch of animal rescue shows on the national geographic channel 

While you are at work he starts volunteering at an animal rescue during the day to pass the time

That is where he met one of the vets that help out at the rescue in their free time, he legit liked Ieyasu so much he took him on as an apprentice, while Ieyasu was busy completing his studies

Later on he will most likely have his own veterinary practise

I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he starts his own animal rescue on the side as well

Within two years the two of you move to live on a big plot with all yours and Ieyasus rescued pets

Hideyoshi

Hideyoshi could go one of two ways hehe 

If Nobunaga comes to the future with yall then you best be sure this boy is ganna help Nobunaga rule the corporate world

Buuuut if it’s just the two of you, I 100% see him becoming a primary school teacher

Like he would just be so good with kids

He is basically trademarked as mama hen anyways, so why not put him in a primary school to teach lil chics

I think he would be such a good teacher, supportive, kind, and patient

He has enough practise lecturing Nobunaga for bad behaviour, so he might as well put that to good use correcting the behaviours of troublesome kids

He gets into teaching when your sister drops her kid off at your apartment to babysit

You had work, so the only one that could care for the child was, the mother hen himself

He sat and taught the little boy how to read and write, this impressed your sister so much that she recommended him for the position of substitute English teacher at her child’s school

At first Hideyoshi worked as a substitute teacher, but soon he became the designated aftercare teacher and within a few months he was teaching his own class

The children absolutely adored him although they would sneak behind the school building to eat candy cause, they didn’t want to get yet another lecture from Yoshi on the negative health consequences of their favourite sugary treats

Mitsuhide

100% detective (¬‿¬)

I mean can you just imagine how sexy he would look in a trenchcoat… like OMW (づ￣ ³￣)づ

The first few weeks of spending time with you in the future you introduce him to CSI and Law and order and he is super fascinated

You are so amazed by the fact that he can figure out who the perp is 5 minutes into the show

The crime in your neighbourhood was pretty bad, but since Mitsuhide’s arrival something crazy happened 

The crime seemed to disappear. 

Like no more robberies, no more drunks walking up and down the street, just peaceful quiet calm neighbourhood 

One day as the two of you were buying snacks for your CSI bingeing session, two armed men came into the convenience store 

You looked over at your lover who seemed completely unphased, like one of the robbers were legit pointing a gun in his face, yet Mitsuhide looked uninterested

Within a blink of an eye, Mitushide managed to disarm the men and tie them up 

The police were hella impressed with the way Mitsuhide handled things 

He helped the police department solve a few petty crimes in your neighbourhood and soon they started calling him up, to help them crack some difficult cases

After a while he becomes the most famous and popular detective in town

The government low key recruits him as an agent to help them

Kenshin

Again I don’t see Kenshin working for anyone

I think the first few weeks the two of you arrive, bunnies start following him around

Looks like the bunny lord is never safe from the love of the cute fluffy creatures 

The two of you will definitely be living on a bunny farm

Kenshin, although he doesn’t admit it, has a soft spot for the cute fluffy creatures 

So the bunny farm is actually more of a bunny rescue although that’s just his part-time job

As he adapts to the future, I can see the farm transforming into being a bunny and sake farm

Lol Kenshin loves Sake so much 

He knows how good sake should taste, so naturally he starts to make his own and sell it

This starts one day when a friend of yours invites the two of you to a sake tasting

The instructor was so impressed with Kenshin’s keen sense of taste that they got to talking and before Kenshin knew it, he had two people willing to sponsor him, to start his own sake brand

Naturally he never backs down from a challenge

He actually goes on to become the largest Sake producer and bunny rescue

Yukimura

I can legit see this boy doing something active like being a firefighter or gym instructor- cause lets be real this boi is ripped

Or actually maybe both

The first few weeks of being in the future he managed to save 2 peoples lives by fearlessly running in a burning building

The firefighters were legit so impressed they decided to take him on as an intern

He got some of the perks, i.e. free gym membership to stay fit

That’s when he started giving out a few pieces of advice to the people around him

“Like seriously dummy, don’t you even know how to do a proper squat, u legit ganna hurt your back if ya keep doing it like that.”

The members of the gym appreciated his advice so much, some of them started paying him to become their instructor, and soon the gym decided to hire him part-time

Now when Yuki isn't running into burning buildings saving people he is training people in the gym 

Best be sure he is gonna drag you to the gym with him

Shingen

Hehe I’ll admit I’m not too sure what this boi would get up to in the future

I think the first few weeks will be spent with you just adapting and getting to know everything

I think he would continue on with his carpentry

He kinda starts to notice your apartment is furnished in super cheap furniture

You tell him you are just a student in this time and don’t really have money to buy anything fancy

He buys a few cheap pieces of wood and starts furnishing your apartment with the most beautifully crafted furniture

Some of your friends visit the two of you and notice the remarkable craftsmanship and start commissioning him to make them some furniture

After a while he becomes the best carpenter in town

Goes on to open up a shop selling the different furniture he makes

I can see him hiring people in need, and that need a fresh start and then teaching them the trade to be able to make something of themselves

I can also see him volunteering at rescues and fostering bear cubs cause he misses his so much

I hope you enjoyed this dear and thanks again for the ask! ❤❤🔥🌻

[mediocre--writing]

Sinking

Peter Parker x OC (Tessa Kennedy)

Summary: Things take a turn for the worse when TK receives earth-shattering news that could affect the rest of her life. How will things work out when everything is sinking around her?

Word Count: 5,548

Warnings: cancer, panic attack, language, gay couple(?)

****haha let’s pretend that Endgame never happened :)

Tessa Kennedy, a junior at Midtown High School, an amazing school full of nerds, that for some reason had multiple sports teams, that weren’t that bad. Tessa, known to everyone by TK, was on her school’s Varsity Soccer team, one of the best on the team. 

She was eager, confident, tactical, and had more energy than 14 Red Bulls. Beyond the soccer field, she was also friendly to most everyone at her school, save for Flash Thompson, who was the world's biggest douchebag. 

She wasn’t all that smart at Midtown, where the kids there were all geeky and nerdy, but she still did well, never getting lower than a B in any of her classes. 

TK wasn’t popular like you might think she is, but she is well known, she just doesn’t hang around the “popular kids,” but stays within her little group, consisting of Peter Parker, MJ, and Ned Leeds, who were all odd in their own special ways. 

Peter was a geeky little twerp, one that couldn’t say a sentence without stuttering at least once, but he was also someone who loved his friends and family fiercely and without hesitation. Ned, also a huge geek, was kind and soft, sweet and always meant well, even if he didn’t exactly do well. MJ, unlike Peter and Ned, was more of a nerd, keeping to her books rather than a movie franchise, and knew more about everything than she would let on. 

TK loved her friends, she enjoyed watching Star Wars with the boys and reading whatever poetry book MJ was into at the moment, but she liked being active more than they did, she didn’t sit still for too long, and always had energy to spare and definitely didn’t need an espresso shot, something Peter learned in their Freshman year after a little incident where she shattered the lamp in his room because she was jumping and dancing around after he got them coffee. 

Nevertheless, the quartet was best of friends, and they all knew Peter’s little secret after an incident after Homecoming when Ned spilled the beans to the girls during his babbling rant about how he’s worried about Peter. 

Through the ups and downs of their friendship, they were always there for one another, TK went to all the decathlon competitions she could get to and in return, they would attend her soccer games. They would always lift each other when they were down, MJ would distract, Peter would comfort, Ned would use the phrase “laughter is the best medicine” and execute it perfectly, and TK would be there to binge-watch Netflix or eat until there were no carbs left untouched. 

All different, yet all the same, the quartet stayed together for the past three years, being there for each other and smacking (whether literally or metaphorically) Flash when he was being a douche. 

Now, it was November, the month of TK’s birthday, and she was getting more and more excited for the 9th to come around so she could celebrate with her friends and dads, but something was happening. 

TK was constantly getting pains in her right leg that were off and on, but the pain was excruciating. It seemed as though her ankle and knee were also growing as if swollen, but she couldn’t get it to go down. 

She didn’t like having problems, it made her feel like she was incapable of anything, but she knew something was wrong when, after a few weeks, she had lost fifteen pounds off her muscular body. She was eating, she was still exercising, and everything was going just fine, but her leg would bother her over and over again, and no medicine was helping ease the pain, so she needed to make a decision. 

“Dad, Bub,” TK said coming into their apartment’s living room, where her fathers sat on their gray couch, drinking their evening coffee. 

“What’s up, darling?” Her Bub, Kris, said, turning over the back of the couch to face her. 

TK’s Bubba (or ‘Bub’ for short), Kris was a brunette, tan skin, and a muscular build, very active, and TK’s real father. Her dad, Anthony, was blonde, a pale guy, but one of the kindest that she’d ever met, very empathetic and understanding. 

“I think there’s something wrong with my leg,” TK said as she sat down on the other end of the couch, across from where Kris had his arm around Anthony, but they parted when they heard what was bothering her. 

“Why, what hurts?” Anthony asked, placing a hand on her arm, between her shoulder and elbow. 

“I don’t know, it’s like, not how a bruise hurts, it’s deeper than that, but it doesn’t feel broken, and my joints on my right leg are kinda swollen, but Advil or whatever aren’t helping with pain and, I don’t know, just thought I should tell you.”

She finally raised her head from where she was playing with the pattern on a pillow, distracting herself. Her hazel eyes met theirs, and she felt pity for herself just by the way they were looking at her. 

“Okay, do you wanna go to the doctor, I can make an appointment?” Anthony asked her, rubbing up and down her arm, comforting her nerves as he ran his hand over the goosebumps on her arm. 

“Yeah, dad, I think--yeah.” TK stood from her spot on the couch, walking back to her room at the end of the hallway, limping slightly. 

When she sat on her bed, she thought her leg might just break, the pressure from the rest of her body made it feel as though it was a piece of uncooked spaghetti that could snap with the slightest pressure. 

Letting out a breath, she laid back, pulling the thin blanket over her body, knowing good and well she would be stressing through a better part of the night. 

She couldn’t sleep, it was hard enough to think about how she was nervous about her leg, but she didn’t feel the slightest bit excited about her 17th birthday tomorrow, which she had been looking forward to for the past month or two, thinking of what she could do with her friends on her special day, but now she dreaded the thought. 

About 3 months later, TK was facing the final decisions. 

Turns out, Bone Cancer runs in the family on her mother’s side and was a contributing factor to why she died. And, apparently, it was a huge problem that she wasn’t telling her friends, at least, according to her Dad and Bubba. 

She knew what had to happen, it wasn’t a decision, the cancer was spreading and rejecting the chemo treatment, TK either had to let cancer spread to her other bones or amputate her right leg. 

So many thoughts went through her head as she walked through the halls of Midtown High on Friday, the fact that she wouldn’t be coming back for the next few weeks, and the fact that she still hadn’t told her friends. There was also the fact that she wouldn’t be able to play soccer this season, and this was when they began to look for scholarship options for college, but what else did she have to lose?

A leg, she had a leg to lose.

The tan lockers mocked TK as she walked the halls to her locker, next to Ned and Peter’s. 

“Hey, T,” Peter said as he dug through his locker, looking for whatever he was looking for, Ned on the other side of him. 

“Hey, boys,” TK said softly, placing books in her locker and grabbing what she needed for gym and English class. “What plans do you guys have after school?”

“Nothing,”

“Patrol,” Peter and Ned said at the same time, looking over to TK’s freckled face, which looked much paler than she usually appeared. 

“What’s wrong?” Peter asked, stopping the search for whatever he needed in his locker, turning fully to the brunette next to him. 

“Something,” TK sighed softly, “That’s why I wanted to talk to you guys, and MJ, after school, at my place. Pete, can you stay for like half an hour, just for a bit, it won’t affect any part of your patrol, I promise.”

“Yeah, sure,” Peter said, his brown eyes looking at TK’s face, then trailing down to where she leaned more on her left leg, leaning against her locker weakly. 

TK continued shutting her locker and walking off to her gym class, where she would be gleefully doing sit-ups instead of the mile run that would be happening next week, but not for her. 

“She look...like, super sick to you?” Ned asked from Peter’s shoulder, causing the brunette to turn quickly, his curls flopping on his head as he saw Ned’s face. 

“Yeah, kinda.” Peter watched as she walked over to MJ, who was a few lockers down, talk for a moment, then limp towards the gym. “She’s all limpy, and sad. I don’t like it.”

“Yeah,” Ned said as he looked in his locker for the last time, then turning to Peter, “We better get to gym class.”

“Uh-huh,” Peter said blankly as they walked towards the gym. 

Through the day, Peter, Ned, and MJ would always be watching TK around the school, because at least one of them would be in the same class as her, then lunch, then the last two classes of the day. 

Finally, TK’s Bubba picked up the four of them from school, since none of them bothered to get a drivers license given they could ride a train, taxi, or bus wherever they needed to go. 

The car ride to her apartment complex was tense, Kris tried to turn on music in order to fill the car with a sound other than breathing, but it was useless, the once happy, cheery, daughter he had was now falling into a depressive state, now that one of the only things she loved was being ripped away from her, possibly for good. 

Once parked, they all grabbed their bookbags and walked to their apartment, each teen grabbing a bottle of water and some snacks from the pantry, then retreating to TK’s room. 

The boys and MJ were staring at her, and though they all held different expressions, they were all eager to hear what was wrong with their friend. 

“Tomorrow,” TK began after taking a sip from her water bottle, “I’m being admitted into the hospital for about a week.”

She took a deep breath in, trying to not cry again, she’d been doing enough of that lately. 

Peter, Ned, and MJ were all shocked, confused, and curious. 

“I- I have bone cancer that started in my right thigh, and has spread down.” TK’s voice was breaking, making it hard for her to talk clearly, “And I tried chemo, but my body rejected it, and now the only option is to either let it spread, or-or I…”

MJ grabbed her hand, squeezing it softly, encouragingly, as if telling her that it’s okay and that she’s fine. 

“I have to have my entire right leg, and some of my hip, amputated tomorrow.”

With the final admission of truth, TK pulled MJ closer, holding onto her jacket with a death grip as she sobbed into her shoulder, brown hair sticking to her teary face. 

The room was no longer tense and awkward, it was now sad, depressing, and filled with understanding. While MJ was hugging her, a few stray tears fell down her face, and Peter and Ned said nothing, only staring into the abyss, conflicted on if they should say or do anything. 

After a good 10 minutes of TK getting herself together, MJ comforting her, and the boys looking at the girls, then each other, the moment ended.  

“Do you guys wanna stay over?” TK asked, wiping the stray tears off with her sleeve, “Bubba already said it was okay as long as you guys slept on the floor and we left the door open.”

“Yeah,” Peter said, ignoring the fact that he should be patrolling around now, TK was a larger priority then a purse getting stolen. “Let me call Aunt May real quick,”

MJ and Ned also texted their parents, getting the okay that they could stay over, Peter was the final decision. 

“I can stay, I just gotta talk to Mr. Stark tomorrow around 10 am,” Peter said with a dorky smile. 

“Great,” TK grinned, leaning on the pillows at the head of her bed. “Let me ask if we can order Chinese food or something, what do you guys want?”

They all agreed on the Chinese place a few blocks down, ordering delivery from TK’s phone, then they proceeded to talk and laugh. After they ate their food, talked some more, watched Netflix, talked even more, then got in their places for bed (MJ and TK on the bed, the boys on the blow-up mattress on the floor), they finally began falling asleep. 

All except TK and Peter. 

“Why’re you up?” Peter asked, looking at TK’s freckled face in the moonlight from the window. 

“Nerves, I guess.” TK turned on her side to face Peter, “What about you?”

“Well, it’s only 2 am,” Peter chuckled, “I’m usually swinging from building to building right now. Guess it’s an internal clock.”

“When do you have time to do anything, Pete, like you always have homework done, you never look tired, and yet you only go to class and swing around in upgraded spandex.”

They both giggled at her statement, “Dunno, guess it just all clicked together after a month or so, didn’t need much sleep, and I do homework in class.”

“Wow, I don’t even understand the material when I’m paying attention, don’t think I could do homework during it too.”

“Eh, not that bad.” Peter shrugged, “Go to sleep, T, you need it. You’ve been a zombie for the past few days.”

“Only if you do too, P.”

Peter sighed dramatically, “If you insist, I guess I’ll get more than two hours of sleep tonight.”

“How can you live off two hours of sleep, I’ve been sleeping like six hours for all of high school and I still sleep in class.”

After chuckling again, Peter didn’t say anything, and after a few minutes, he felt himself drifting asleep to the sound of Ned’s snoring and the girl’s soft breathing. 

The next morning, Peter woke up with the light shining in his eyes from the large, open window in TK’s room. 

As his eyes adjusted, he realized that Ned was gone and the girls were on the bed giggling because of whatever was on TK’s phone. 

He took in the sight, a late morning, the rough sunlight across his cheeks that wasn’t from watching the sunrise on top of his building, and not having to worry about what was going on in the streets below. 

“Hey, Peter?” He heard a voice, TK’s, from the bed as he sat up slowly. “It’s 9 and you have to meet with Stark at 10, so you may want to get ready or whatever you do,” 

Peter sat up a bit quicker, he was still in his clothes from yesterday and his hair was probably a mess, as it was in the morning, and he had to talk to Mr. Stark. 

From TK’s view, he looked adorable, his eyes couldn’t focus and his hair was every which way, and he was freaking out because he was about eight seconds away from Stark Tower when he swung over. 

Her attention was pulled away from her, however, when MJ showed her another meme on her phone. 

The morning was slow, Ned had left at around 7 because his parents needed him home, and Peter left at about 9:30, after attempting to look like he hadn’t slept in the clothes he had on and used some of TK’s Bub’s deodorant religiously.

Little did TK know that Peter had a huge surprise up his sleeve for her.

TK had to leave for the hospital at around noon, and MJ said that, if it was okay, she would go with her then leave when she was taken back for operation, as moral support. In reality, TK knew that MJ just didn’t want to go back to her bland house where her parents were probably at work anyway and she’d be lonely. She appreciates the thought anyway because she needed her Emotional Support MJ with her right now. 

It was a long car ride, or maybe it just felt that way because she knew what happened when the car stopped. Michelle ignored the death grip on her hand when they were in the backseat because she knew that TK was so ready for this to be over, but she also never wanted it to end, because it would be the end of something much more important. 

“Hey, MJ,” She asked quietly, as to not get the attention of the men in the front seat, though it was impossible for them to not hear, though they remained impartial to their daughter’s secrets that were being shared in the backseat. 

“Hmm?” MJ replied, turning to the brunette next to her, pulling her hair from where it was squashed between the seat belt and TK’s sweatshirt that was borrowed years ago, yet never given back. 

“Are you still going to look at me the same after this?” It came out so tense, MJ could tell that it had been said multiple times in her head before actually coming out. 

“No,” MJ told her simply, causing TK’s eyes to widen and snap to hers as she chuckled, “I’m going to see you as someone who is so much stronger than I thought before. As someone who does so much for everyone else that she is now going to realize that we’re here to help you too. And we’re not helping you out of pity, we’re going to be there for you because it’s what you would do for any of us, what you have done for us all.”

TK wiped a tear off her face, “Fuck you,”

The girls laughed as Kris shot her a glare through the rearview mirror, but there wasn’t much he could do, she had inherited his sailor's mouth. 

Then, the car stopped, they got out, they prepared for the worst, TK was taken back, MJ was driven back by Anthony, and the kids didn’t hear from either father about TK all day, or the next day. 

But they went through it, it was fine. 

She was strong, she would be fine. 

At least that’s what they kept telling themselves.

It had been three days since TK’s surgery. 

She was finally letting her friends come to the hospital to see her. She didn’t truly want them to come, but she knew that if roles were reversed, she would want more than anything to be invited to see her friend when they weren’t well. 

So she invited them all, Peter showed up first, with flowers (that were missing a few petals, she assumed that he swung to the hospital), then MJ, and finally Ned. 

It was surprisingly nice, how they didn’t seem to treat her any differently than before, how normal it seemed, and how odd it was that they didn’t mention the fact that she never took the blankets off her legs -- leg. 

Not that it wasn’t hard, Ned almost asked multiple times, earning a kick from Peter, and they wanted nothing more than to see her true feelings, how sad she was about the situation, even though it did help her in the long run. 

She was happy, joking, smiling, but it wasn’t real.

Her wonderful hazel-blue eyes didn’t glitter like they usually did and she wasn’t talking with flailing arms like she did when she was passionate about something. 

She left her hair up in a bun the whole time, when it was known that she hated the shape of her face when it was up too tight. 

She was careless about herself, and only talked about her friends, homework assignments, or whatever nurse drama she’d heard. 

Though Ned wasn’t as close with her as MJ and Peter, he still saw a few ticks from her that screamed oddity, but he wouldn’t bring it up. If the others, who knew her better and longer, didn’t talk about it, then he had no right to either. 

They played Uno for about an hour, and it made TK smile, genuinely smile, more than she was before, when Peter continuously got +4 cards, courtesy of MJ, who was switching with Ned, and giving them to TK, who enjoyed the fact that Peter, at one point, had 32 cards in his hands. 

It all ended around 4:15, when a nurse came in and told them that visiting hours were over, and they had to leave. 

TK didn’t smile for the rest of the day. 

For the rest of her time in the hospital, she made sure to FaceTime Peter and MJ twice everyday, unless they were together, then she only had to do it before she went to bed. 

None of the friends had yet to see anything below her ribs, either, they understood why, but they felt bad that she felt the need to hide it from them, whether it be intentional or not. 

On the 8th day, TK was finally released from the hospital, led from the hospital to Anthony’s car in a wheelchair, and sat in the backseat, Anthony in the drivers, and her Bubba in the backseat with her. 

“What’s going to happen now?” TK asked quietly to Bubba as they drove home. 

“You’re going to physical therapy for the next few months, then it will only be biweekly or so.” Kris babbled off. 

“No, no.” TK said, closing her eyes in frustration. “I mean what’s going to happen to me? I’m not able to go to school for a while, and Prosthetics cost a fortune, and I can’t do anything, and how am I supposed to go to college now? I’m only average at school and soccer was the only thing that would stand out in a college resume and I can’t even do that anymore, so what am I doing? What’s going to happen?”

He was taken aback, and so was Anthony, this was not what they expected. 

“I-- I don’t know right now, Darling,” Kris swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing, “But we’ll all be okay, I promise.”

He pulled her slowly and gently from her spot in her seat into his side, rubbing comforting circles into her shoulder, leaning his head on hers. 

“I’m sorry,” Kris told her after feeling the small drops of water on his shoulder and her sniffling nose. “I’m really sorry.”

“‘S not your fault, Bubs.” TK said blinking as more silent tears flooded down her face, tracing her cheeks like rain on a window. 

Her lips quivered as she bit down on the inside of her mouth, holding in a choked sob. 

“This is real,” She sobbed, turning her head further into his green shirt, leaving a large wet mark as he unbuckled himself, adjusting so he was hugging her tightly, his soundless crying contrasting her loud sobs. 

“Tess, listen to my breathing, please.” Kris told her as he noticed her hyperventilating breaths get faster and faster. “In and out slowly,”

She choked on air as she breathed in slowly through her nose, that was clogged from her sobbing prior. 

Her body was convulsing as she tried to calm down from her hiccuping sobs and racing mind. Eventually, she came down and was breathing normally again, but it was soon discovered that it was due to her tired, sleeping body that was slumped on Kris as they parked the car in the parking deck under their apartment. 

“Should I even get the wheelchair or are you just going to carry her?” Anthony asked his husband from the front seat after parking and unlocking the car. 

“Just get her bags, please, I’ll take the elevator up with her and put her in bed.” Kris told him, brushing TK’s brown hair from her face, looking down at her freckled cheeks, only seeing the small four year old that would fall asleep on him after movie night on Saturdays. 

“It’s gonna be alright, Kris,” Anthony told him, turning in the driver's seat to face the other two. “I can call my aunt Rachel and see if she can lend us a little if we need it, she already said that she would do anything to help.”

“I don’t want to take other people’s money,” Kris told him, still looking down at her. 

“What other choice do we have at this point, Kris?” Anthony asked quietly as his eyebrows raised up, showing the sorrow and compassion he held for his daughter, even if she wasn’t really his daughter. “I can try to find another job, but I’m already at the coffee house six days a week, so I’m not sure anyone will want to hire me.”

“No, don’t stress yourself, I could ask for a raise at work, I’ve been working there for 8 years and I’m still getting paid like a first year.”

“Kris,” Anthony complained, “Let’s just talk about it later, alright, because I bet that, even if she is actually asleep, she can hear everything we’re saying.”

The men smirked at the claim, which was more than likely true, but they got going quickly after. 

Anthony aided Kris in getting TK out of the car and back in his arms while he got in the elevator, Anthony getting the bags and whatnot, getting in the other elevator after they were gone. 

TK was actually asleep, and didn't hear a word that the men had said, and it was obvious she was tired and sleeping when she moved her head to lean on Kris’ chest while he held her bridal style, admiring his baby girl on the way to their apartment. 

It’s such a shame that parents are supposed to have a kid then automatically know how to raise them and find good jobs to support them and treat them the same when they’re obviously different and how they shouldn’t hide things from their kids but simultaneously have to hide everything behind the big red curtain of reality. 

But they would get through it because they were the Kennedys. They never quit when things were hard and never let life get them down when beautiful things could still be seen in every direction, you just needed to look a little harder. 

It’s been a week at home for TK. She’s been bored out of her mind yet somehow equally more stressed than ever trying to catch up with her school work, something Peter constantly came to her aid for when she was dying trying to understand Calculus. 

He was one of the only things keeping her sane these days. She would stay up for no good reason stressing about things she can’t control and when Peter would be doing his patrol, he would make sure to check through her window a few times each night to make sure she wasn’t awake. 

TK began getting closer to Peter, not that she wasn’t before, but she felt like he was just more present now because she was injured, and though she hated the attention she got because of her injury, she liked Peter, a lot, and was happy to have his company, even if it was out of pity.  

The hardest thing for TK so far was balance when sitting down. Due to having her leg amputated, they had to take part of her hip as well, so she lost balance when sitting, but it also meant she got like three pillows to cuddle with in her room or on the couch. 

Therapy was going ok, she had only had to go Friday because she wasn’t healed from the surgery yet, but it was more of a here-is-what-is-gonna-happen meeting than actual therapy, but the lady was nice and made her feel comfortable, so that was good. 

TK wasn’t allowed to go to school for at least another two weeks, when she was healed completely, but she was getting antsy at home all the time, so she’s been going to her soccer practices as more of a bench-warmer, but Coach Cox promised that, since she was the MVP last year and most definitely would have made the team this season, that she could be his assistant coach when she came, which made her heart swell with joy. 

Though, after going to a practice, all she got the next day were texts from people at her school who she didn’t even know asking if she was ok, and assumed that the girls on the team had spread the word pretty damn fast. 

 She just responded to the texts with false politeness, then ranted to her best friends about the annoying kids who didn’t give two craps about how she was, just wanted to be seen being sympathetic and get brownie points. 

After three long, long, long, long months, it was summer, and time for TK to finally be fitted for a permanent prosthetic, since the one she had been practicing with wasn’t permanent and she only got to practice with it at therapy.

As the months went on, TK finally got a prosthetic, got back to school, and got a confession of love. 

Peter and TK, who had been voted “Most Likely to be High School Sweethearts” since freshman year, were finally dating after an eventful day that resulted in Peter informing TK that he and Mr. Stark had been working on a prosthetic for her, one that would be similar to Bucky Barnes, yet without, as he put it, “Serial-Killer Features.”

TK got the prosthetic exactly eight months after her amputation, which meant that they had to celebrate with cake. 

Some Stark technology created a feature similar to the invisible feature on the Quinjets, which made the artificial limb look skin colored to match TK’s body, but it wasn’t exactly modeled to look exactly limb-like. It wasn’t weird or anything, just that you could see the metal plates on it. 

But he promised to try and improve that, but TK didn’t mind it, said it gave her an edge; also the fact that Flash didn’t mess with Peter as much after she threatened to kick him with it, not that it had any better strength than a normal limb would, but Flash didn’t know that. 

Months continued going, TK got to join her soccer team again under the strict promise that she didn’t get any modifications to her leg that would give her a major advantage, since she didn’t really qualify for any “special needs” or “disabeld” teams, given the technology was so advanced. 

Once again, it was that time of year, the beginning of their senior year. 

TK, Peter, Michelle, and Ned took their first day in stride, all happy, not a single problem beyond homework in any of their minds. 

TK continued to stress about collages, but she also knew that she was developing a knack for technology as she had to constantly do assessments on her leg to keep it running properly, so if she didn’t get a full ride in soccer, she knew that she could get an academic scholarship for her excelling grades in engineering. Kris and Anthony were doing better financially, since they didn’t have to pay for the prosthetic or any therapy since Tony (motherfucking) Stark was volunteering to do it all for free, stating that the only payment he needed was using TK as a guinea pig in the lab and getting a free ticket to each of her games. 

Peter was adapting to having a girlfriend for the first time in his life, he’d liked TK for so long it felt as though nothing had changed from the transition from friendship to relationship other than the makeout sessions they had when they were alone. Spiderman was being put on the back burner as Peter focused on his senior year, remembering his friends and these truly memorable moments instead of talking to the churro lady, who he was pretty sure was Ned’s grandma. 

Michelle was continuing to be a weird little black hole of information, but they loved her. TK even got her to wear a pink dress to their junior prom, which made the boys snort punch out of their noses, which is a moment nobody needed to record because you can’t forget their eyes at the burning sensation of spiked punch going through their noses. 

Ned was already being offered scholarships to colleges because, though none of them knew this, he had a 4.9 GPA, and was like some sort of genius who was also one of the most clueless people you could ever meet. 

The only thing taken from their junior year was that even when you’re sinking in the quicksand, if you have the right people around you, they’ll sink with you trying to pull you out of the depths you’d fallen into, and that's all anyone would ever need:

Someone to save you when you feel like you’re sinking.

[karazor--el]

The Beat

INTERVIEW: Nicole Maines on bringing trans issues to SUPERGIRL

Cori McCreery Cori McCreery

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On March 15, 2020, an episode of Supergirl titled “Reality Bytes” aired on The CW, focused on the harrowing topic of violence against trans women. Actress Nicole Maines, a trans woman who portrays Nia Nal (aka Dreamer) on the series, led the way in the episode with an emotional and raw performance and with contributions in the writer’s room. On March 31st’s Trans Day of Visibility, The Beat got to sit down with Maines to discuss bringing trans issues to primetime television.

The Beat: Happy Trans Day of Visibility.

Nicole Maines: Happy Trans Day of Visibility to you too! Thank you very much.

The Beat: As one of the most prominent trans voices out there today, what does today mean to you?

Nicole Maines: Well it kinda feels like a double-edged sword for me. I feel like, on the one hand, it’s a victory lap for all of us because we’ve made so much progress. You know, we have reached all these milestones but then at the same time you know we have to take a moment and recognize, why our visibility is so radical and you have to remember everyone else who we’ve lost along the way and you have to keep in mind all the new legislation that’s being introduced amidst all this so there’s a lot of emotions, but I think it should first and foremost, be a happy day for us to celebrate that we can even be visible.

The Beat: Yeah. As someone who also has a history of activism in the trans community, I feel that very close to my heart. I’m from South Dakota, which has made news in recent years for all of the really vile anti-trans legislation that they have tried to pass. And I feel a little guilty because it all started coming out after I won a court case in South Dakota.

Maines: Well first of all, congratulations. Second of all, you know, I think we shouldn’t feel guilty about that because it’s kind of like, you know, how a “hit dog will holler,” that old saying? It’s kind of like that. I feel like that’s kind of the final thrashing for that kind of bigotry and way of thinking, they feel they feel threatened, which, you know, they should.

The Beat: So I know we’re all cooped up right now. Do you have any plans to celebrate today online at all with friends?

Maines: Yeah! So I did my social media posts and I did a really, I thought, cool video of like me transitioning from me when I was younger and I was still rocking a bowl cut to now as Dreamer to kind of show, you know, it gets better and look how again just looking how far we’ve come. And then also, I took a moment to kind of give a shout out to, there’s a lot of us who can’t post selfies for trans day of visibility, because you know we’re living at home with parents who aren’t supportive or we’re not in a safe school environment, we’d be facing harassment online from peers. So, I wanted to take a moment, also and kind of recognize, hey, y’all are just as much a part of this community and even if you can’t participate in Trans Day of Visibility, you’re still valid.

The Beat: Speaking of being stuck at home, what are you doing to pass all of your free time now?

Maines: Well, I finally broke down and I got Disney Plus. So lots of that. I binged the Mandalorian and now I’m doing an entire rewatch of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. I’m starting at season one, then I’m going to go right into the new season that just got released so I’m really excited about that. Lots of Disney movies. I tried to teach myself how to sew. Turns out that’s not in my skill set. And then lots of video games. Just yesterday I ate Ritz crackers, in the dark.

The Beat: I too ate Ritz crackers in the dark yesterday, so solidarity. What video games are you playing right now?

Maines: Right now my main one has been Warframe on Xbox. I have some friends who’ve been playing, so I’ve been playing that and then also League of Legends Teamfight Tactics because of course, they released a new mobile version, so I can sit in the dark, eat Ritz crackers and play that on my phone, so that’s great.

The Beat: All right, so let’s get to the matter at hand. You’re on your second season of playing Nia Nal on Supergirl. How has this season been different from your first?

Maines: This season feels a lot more of Dreamer, as she’s become her own force, I think. I mean, for the most part, season four was really kind of showing us who Nia Nal was and kind of showing us her growth and her transformation into Dreamer. And so season five has been more, you know, we’ve had Dreamer, from the season premiere, and so now we’ve kind of gotten to see Dreamer’s struggle as opposed to Nia’s struggle, I think. And we’ve gotten to see her come even more into her powers. And then, of course, also struggle with her relationship with Brainiac so it’s been, I think, it’s been a lot heavier of a season for Nia than season four, I think. Season four was kind of like her really coming into her own. and then season five has just been her getting like hit after hit after hit.

The Beat: Yeah, although it wasn’t all roses in season four either. You had the really impactful episode of the show, “Blood Memory”, that talked about the rejection of trans people by their family, which is an issue that affects so many of us. How involved were you in the planning of that episode? I know you were heavily involved in “Reality Bytes,” but how heavily were you involved in that one?

Maines: Yeah. I was still really involved. A little less so than in “Reality Bytes”, because of course “Reality Bytes” was kind of all about transness, whereas “Blood Memory” it was just a blip, it was much more about her relationship with her powers and with her family rather than about her transness. But as far as that conversation between Maive and Nia went, I sat in my trailer with the writer and with Jessica and we just talked kind of about what language should Maeve be using, what feels appropriate to say, and feels like it is accurate how that conversation would go but also not so overindulgent in transphobic verbiage that it would become triggering you know what I mean?

The Beat: Yeah.

Maines: Yeah, so we didn’t want to like lean too heavily into it but we also didn’t want to like, totally pull the punches, because that’s not really, you know, how those conversations go. So, when we eventually settled on just having Maeve say what, to her, made the most sense, which was “How did Nia get these powers if she’s not even a real woman?”

The Beat: Yeah, it was so important, and likewise this year’s “Reality Bytes” got to tackle violence against trans people and especially violence against trans women of color. How did it feel knowing that you’d be so involved in something so monumentally groundbreaking on network television?

Maines: It was really exciting, and also a little nerve-wracking. I have to give credit to our director Armen (Kevorkian) for his Saint-like patience with me. Looking back now, I’m like, oh my gosh, I was so overbearing. But I felt so protective of this episode. Just because they’d given me so much involvement in the writing of it and I knew how important this episode was to me, and how important it would be to everybody else watching it, so I wanted to have my hands in everything. I wanted to know what was going on, what we were doing. And I didn’t need to do that, they knew what they were doing and they were so fantastic. And so incredible and everyone on set just got it and they just knew what we were doing and they knew how important this episode was. And everyone was so excited and so proud to be part of it.

So getting to be involved in the writing process was really great. And then finally seeing it on television was so so rewarding because of course part of the conversation we’ve had leading up to that was that so much ends up on the cutting room floor. “What do we absolutely need to keep?” And seeing that a lot of it was actually kept. Because talking about it is one thing, and then going on and turning on the television and seeing them talk about the trans mortality rate. Giving accurate, statistics, having Yvette talk about her situation as a trans woman of color, addressing that very often trans violence is swept under the rug by law enforcement. Seeing all that talked about was so affirming.

The Beat: Yeah, it absolutely was, and you talked about how you worked hard to keep triggering language, out of “Blood Memory” and that’s something that I felt happened in “Reality Bytes” too, like it would have been perfectly in character for the villain of the episode use the T slur, but the fact that that didn’t come out of his mouth felt so important to me because that is such a triggering word.

Maines: I feel like using those kinds of slurs might have been a crutch, because that’s not what we were trying to do we didn’t want to have this character just throwing out hurtful words just for the sake of it, and realistically, that’s probably what he would have done, but we kind of wanted to show more of what his thought process was. And we wanted to see more, you know where this dude is. What is his motivation in trying to take down a superhero? And so we really want to use that screen time to more highlight this idea of “gay panic”. It’s just so much easier to just have someone come up, tell a slur, and then have a superhero beat him up. I think it’s much more important and impactful to show why that kind of thinking is dangerous. And to highlight those arguments that are being made, because a lot of people really didn’t believe that trans violence was an issue and they didn’t understand why people would attack trans people.

The Beat: So you talked about the statistics that you brought up in the episode, and a big point of debate online after the episode was the choice of having William being more knowledgeable about these issues than Kara, what drove that decision?

Maines: I saw those too. And I saw people talking, “Kara doesn’t need that explained to her, she doesn’t need that.” And I think it was good that William was the one to say and show her because one: he was a reporter, he was reporting that so it would make sense that he kind of had those statistics and he had those numbers, because he would have looked them up. And a lot of people thought that, because Kara was Nia’s friend, that she would have researched trans stuff and she would have… And I think no, you could go up to my best friend in the world, we’ve been inseparable since high school. If you asked him what the trans mortality rate is off the top of his head he wouldn’t know! Cis people, regardless of how supportive they are, I can ask my mother in the other room right now, she wouldn’t know. Because it’s not something that’s talked about, it’s not something that a lot of people think about and really if you’re not in the trenches, doing this kind of work. I think most trans people are unaware of exactly what the mortality rate is at any given time.

And so I think, for Kara, it was important to show that you can be very very supportive and not have all the answers and you can still learn. It was never a question of whether or not Kara was supportive of Nia. We’ve known that from the beginning and we really saw that in “Blood Memory”. We know how important Kara is to Nia and we know how important Nia is to Kara. But that doesn’t mean that Kara has magically become a trans activist and that she has all of this information that she would just know off the top of her head, because why would she? Why is it something she would have looked up? She just wanted Nia to know that she was supportive and that she had somebody. And that’s where that support was coming from it wasn’t coming from a place of “let me look up all these statistics and let’s go lobby together” that’s not what it was about.

The Beat: How did it feel to act out the anger and powerlessness that so many of us feel in the face of this violence. It was so cathartic watching you take action against the bigot. I can only imagine how it felt to portray it.

Maines: Part of it was, of course, exciting, because we’ve never really gotten to see Nia or Dreamer angry. You’ve never really got to see her vengeful. So that was exciting just from a character point of view. And then, acting it out. I really really wanted to show just how deep-rooted a lot of this frustration and anger is. And so, I don’t know if it read, I don’t know if it really played, but while we were actually fighting, we adjusted the choreography of the fight a little bit. Because Dreamer, of course, has been trained by Brainiac and by Supergirl and she knows, and she’s technical, she knows what to do with her hands and with her body when she fights. I wanted to kind of strip that away and I kind of wanted to give it this schoolyard fight feel where she’s not really throwing right hook, left hook, jab, jab, and it’s more just like she’s just going to slug him, like one punch just thrown after the other and really kind of physically show all of that frustration. And then when Supergirl arrives she kind of has this moment where she looks, and she kind of recognizes “What am I really doing?” Because she got so caught up in it that she just completely lost track of her situation. But it was really, it was really exciting to get to show that side of Nia. And it was really I mean cathartic for me to kind of, as he was, you know, listing off all his talking points, to just say like, “Oh yeah your fragile ego was shattered wasn’t it?” That felt really good and I was like “Yes, Nia, read him! Drag him!”.

The Beat: So I’ve got one last question. And that’s about the future of the show. Melissa recently announced her pregnancy and I’m so happy for her. Any idea if we’re going to see more of Dreamer to kind of fill that role to give her more time off?

Maines: I really have no idea what the plan is moving into it, because we kind of had a little bit of a plan. And then it was just kind of, you know, everything was thrown up in the air with the virus. Now we’re kind of unsure what’s gonna happen and when. I mean, I’m on call. Whenever they call me, beep me, I’ll be there. I don’t really know what is in store for season six, I just, I know kind of what we’re going to be doing but I’m not sure of any of the details.

Supergirl is currently on hiatus due to the COVID-19 pandemic. New episodes will return on April 26 starring Melissa Benoist, Nicole Maines, and the rest of the team.

Comicsbeat.

[bloodgutsanchocolatecake]

The one body positivity fact I don't like is the idea that most people who lose weight gain it all back within 5 years? Like I just saw an excellent post about fat phobia but it mentioned that 95% of people gain the weight back within 5 years. Like I think it's kinda bullshit to say people can't make a lifestyle change and maintain it. They gain the weight back because we live in a society that encourages unhealthy fast foods and processed shit, where restaurant dishes have far more calories in them than they even need because they add so much butter/salt/sugar/msg, we live in a society where most of our waking free time is consumed by work and eating what's already made that doesn't take time out of your free time because we're so exhausted, depressed, and stressed is the path of least resistance. Because we don't get enough free time to be active.

It's bullshit to act like being overweight can't have some effects on your health. Sure fat phobia contributes to fat people being brushed off in doctor's offices when they have real health issues going on unrelated to their weight. Sure some of the "facts" about fatness and health correlations are bullshit and it demonizes overweight people. Sure BMI is bullshit. Sure every body is beautiful, and every body has the right to feel good in their skin instead of brainwashed to meet impossible standards. Sure people need to stop treating being fat like it's inherently unhealthy or an indicator of health/worth/capability. But being overweight makes you more likely to die from covid. Being overweight limits your mobility, contributes to sleep apnea which can kill you, it can affect your energy, your sex drive, put too much strain on your joints, and it can be a co-morbidity(symptom) for other health issues. I know we all dance around these things because we want to live in a body positivity world but I think they can co-exist. It's not bad to be fat. Fat isn't evil. Fat isn't a bad word. Some bodies are naturally bigger than others. And all those bodies deserve respect. They deserve peace. Some people like their bodies whatever weight it is. Some people don't feel good with a higher weight.

A lot of diets don't work because they don't focus on moderation, they focus on cutting out things that are "unhealthy" and that kind of restricting leads to binging and Rollercoaster weight gain/loss. Because the diet industry is selling an all-or-nothing instant gratification lifestyle to keep you coming back after you inevitably fail to achieve impossible eating habits in an impossible amount of time. It's not because it's not possible to lose weight and keep it off, to make a lifestyle change and maintain, our bodies are absolutely capable of that. The weight doesn't come back because our weight set point is permanent and unchangeable. The weight comes back because of society. Because of the state of our Healthcare. Because corporations have been allowed carte Blanche to sell us into eating foods packed with unnecessary calories and addictive chemicals, they have been allowed to sell it in schools so children get hooked from a young age, they pump it into poor neighborhoods because it's cheap and healthy food is made inaccessible and expensive despite veggies and fruit being fairly cheap. The weight comes back because eating disorders aren't taken seriously and people go years in a cycle of binging and starving because they can't get help or be taken seriously. That's why the weight comes back.

What I don't like about the body posi movement is that it treats weight loss like a sin. I'm afraid to talk about the fact that I want to lose weight because every time I do I get brushed off with assurances that I'm beautiful and worthy and etc etc. I feel ashamed for wanting to change my body. But some of the reasons I want to lose weight aren't cosmetic. Tying my shoes was starting to get hard. Sex is difficult. All my clothes didn't fit and I can't keep replacing my wardrobe every time I gain weight. Because you can't get at my veins as easily and medically that's a problem. Because I sweat constantly. Because my thighs rub raw from chafe and my arms keep getting clipped by my side fat, and sitting in certain positions is really uncomfortable bc of the way my fat distributes. And when I see that stupid statistic that 95% or 3/4 or whatever number you're pulling from whatever study of people gain the weight back it makes me furious because it's like being told my lifestyle changes are pointless. That people with eating disorders are going to be trapped into a cycle they never recover from because of some stupid statistic you're scaring the shit out of them with, a statistic that is not going to encourage them to adopt body positivity or recover. That I'm trapped in a body that I physically don't feel comfortable in. That I'm not capable of changing my life. And I think it's fucking bullshit.

[an-evolved-dinosaur]

Nuclear Throne Character Review

So I’ve been binging all the @bogleech monster reviews I can and because not only does he for some reason not share my exact opinions on everything, and because I can’t expect him to constantly review all the things I want to see reviews I figured I could take matters into my own hands and review the monster designs of the things I enjoy!

Nuclear Throne is a special game to me. Nuclear Throne is probably one of the first games I really got into despite maybe the fnaf games, and even then I never really got that far into the fanbase and actively contributed the way I had for Nuclear Throne. I made fanart I talked on the subreddit, I even made a B-tier fangame/mod for the game called “Hells Gate” ( I swear that I was not being edgy when I was making this ) which you can still play even if it's a bit buggy here.

Point is, I thought about Nuclear Throne a lot and a piece of media can really only do that to such a degree if it's got a great world, and a great world to me means great monsters. So this is me spoiling right off the bat that I will probably/for sure be biased towards positivity regarding this game’s creatures.

Whatever thought right? I can enjoy things. In this first part I’ll be reviewing the designs of the Nuclear Throne playable characters, the adorable freaks and monsters that you play, fighting through hordes of other mutants and interdimensional time cops (which we will get to later) to finally get a chance to sit upon the titular Nuclear Throne, which we will also get into later.

So without further ado, review under the cut!

ALSO WARNING UNDER THE CUT IS 6000 WORDS

FISH

The very first character we see in nuclear throne is this adorable fish-man appropriately titled “FISH”. Writing this review really makes me wonder how many fish-people you see these days. To the best of my knowledge up until recently with Breath of the Wild and Del Toro giving us a bunch of fish-people in the spotlight fish-people characters a few in number compared to other kinds of anthropomorphic monsters, at least as main characters and not enemies. Compared to the rest of the cast Fish is one of the more normal characters, and it’s always a good thing when “Fish-human hybrid” is what you classify as the baseline form of normal, or at least standard, character.

Each character in the game has both a passive ability and an active ability. Fish’s abilities are gaining more ammo from chests and being able to perform a dodge-roll. What? That doesn’t make sense for a fish man? Well it's actually quite simple. Nuclear Throne is a post-apocalyptic story, set in a timeline where an unknown radioactive catastrophe resulted in the destruction of mankind totally, and humans have been totally replaced by mutants and monsters. Clearly, this is an ideal world.

Fish, as shown with his loading screen dialogue, used to be a normal human police officer before the apocalypse struck and he was mutated into a fish-person but was otherwise unscathed. It strikes up a few questions as to how radiation turned someone into a fish but hey, this is just the kind of world they live in.

The abilities fish have make sense for a cop I guess but I am disappointed that he lacks any fishy-traits aside from a trail of bubbles behind him during the roll which brings up some odd questions as to how he's propelling himself.

The way he’s drawn is pretty good. While a fish-man is a great start and the huge fish-lips, big eyebrows, and bright green and yellow colour palette make him decently recognisable, the design isn’t especially clever, and the original creature from the black lagoon was certainly more fishy and monstrous than this guy (that could be chalked up to art-style, but what else can I complain about this fish man who can roll).

Fish can roll.

Crystal

Crystal is the second character in Nuclear Throne and, along with fish, one of the two characters unlocked at the start of the game. This represents, as I’m sure you can tell, the female half of the starting duo. It’s good to see female characters be allowed to not at all look feminine, especially when there’s no reason a rock has to look like a lady simply because it identifies as one. Crystal is a wonderful little rock lady made of some unknown purple gem that just happens to be able to think and move around like any other mutant. Again the question of how radiation made a rock come alive, but we’re given no indication that the characters of this world aren’t just wrong and the green mutation goop is something else entirely.

I love how even compared to the rest of the official art Crystal has been given tiny little legs and no torso with just a huge gaping mouth instead. Of course a rock doesn’t need a torso, whats it gotta keep in there? Compared to most rock monsters we see in fiction Crystal is a shining star. Most seem to be either brutish, dull, or both with the notable exception of lego’s little crystal goblins which give me the same sort of lovable gem goblin vibe with giant mouths and stubby limbs.

Crystal has more health, which makes sense for someone made of some kind of rock (generally considered tougher than flesh), and can also create a temporary crystal shield around herself. This actually brings up more questions as to how she generates this rock, as well as how come that rock doesn’t harm her when hit, can she produce theoretically infinite rock? We’ll never know I guess. These abilities are much more my style as they directly correlate to what we can see in her design which is way more important in a roguelike with little story than lore-related abilities - since few people would be able to notice.

Ideal woman.

EYES

Eyes is the 3rd character on the roster and generally the second character that people unlock, but on the roster is the first that can be. This lively gentleman is unlocked by reaching the sewers, with the implication being that your character found this blue eyeball-monster hiding from the giant rats and frogmen which we might talk about later maybe. We know nothing about eyes, considering that he is unable to speak in any fashion because the apocalypse resulted in them mutating dozens of eyes over their whole face, replacing his mouth and all other facial features with more eyes. However, the loading screen tips indicate that Eyes knows a lot more than his mute physiology suggests.

Nuclear Throne was released a while before Bloodborne was, and so Eyes takes the trophy for first video game thing with a bunch of eyes as a head that I have ever seen. This makes the design even more original and a wonderful first dive into the more out there parts of this game’s world. Eyes gives off such a B-movie monster vibe which is something I absolutely love in this game, looking like something out of a pulp fiction 50s comic and somehow even more lovable than any of the real deal.

Eyes has some abilities that, despite not really making that much sense, make total sense. Eyes, of course, can see in the dark which isn’t really that helpful an ability in my opinion, but makes perfect sense considering the guy’s all eye, kinda an extension of how they say deaf or blind people have heightened sense (considering I only have one accumulative working eye, I’d like to get my super-hearing thank you very much). They can also use telekinesis which fits perfectly with a brain-heavy character design. The thing about their telekinesis is that it specifically pushes bullets and enemy projectiles away while pulling enemies and other living things. This is obviously a game-mechanic thing giving the player a reason not to just constantly be using their power, but in my opinion, gives just a neat little touch to the abilities of Eyes. It's not a power, its a mutation they got from dangerous radiation, so of course, it won’t be perfect.

Eyes has seen a lot.

MELTING

Next up on our roster is the ever-adorable Melting, whose name is pretty self-explanatory as to what this character is. Melting is usually the first character that players unlock as you acquire them when you die for the first time. Does this mean that when your character dies their body becomes a walking mass of melted flesh over a skeleton or is it that your corpse attracts these freakish mutants, we’ll never know until Rami decides to give us that goddamn lorebook we all need. The character of Melting is pretty apparent from one look at his face, so sad it seems his bones form a perpetual frown. Every loading screen tip we get tells us how much this poor sack of flesh just hates being alive. Everything is too cold they’re very tired all the time and they would really be doing anything other than fight through hordes of mutant horrors.

The design itself is something I enjoy. I swear I’m not edgy as I say that a sad melting flesh skeleton is totally my aesthetic. Melting zombie creatures isn’t a totally original concept, in fact, one of the most famous zombies is a melting black sludge-man, but I’ve rarely seen the idea taken so far as they have with Melting. Rarely do I see zombies with the flesh really sloughing off their face to the point where half their skull is exposed, nor do I see the flesh be just a mass of skin-colored flesh rather than detailed and bloody. It actually makes it look more like cancer taking over a long-dead body.

Melting’s abilities make a fair bit of sense when thought about. Not only does Melting have less health (because he kinda does have less body, its all melted off!) but they passively gain more radiation from enemies. We don’t know how being a melting pile grants you more radiation, is it that the character themselves radiates the enemies around them, can they just extract more radiation from their enemies? Their active is a heck of a lot more interesting. When activating their ability Melting will turn every corpse they can see into a big, meaty, explosion. Yes that’s right, with a mouse-click every corpse makes a wet meaty sound and explodes. There’s no explanation for how on earth he can do this, but it makes sense all the same. Does being a corpse grant you the ability to explode them?

Another cool fact is that when melting dies rather than just lay on the floor dead, a white ghostly spirit floats out smiling. Does this mean Melting isn’t alive at all but is a ghost trapped inside a long-dead corpse? That’s such a nice little touch that it brings up such an already good design to a top-tier monster.

Melting is tired, let them sleep.

PLANT

The first mutant of the roster explicitly known to not have come from a human, Plant is what happens when whatever this world calls radiation seeps into a regular houseplant. Regardless of what Plant came from (which is indicated to have been a normal flower rather than the carnivorous plants they resemble), their newfound sentience seems to have resulted in a creature of complete and utter violence, chanting lovely phrases such as “BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD” and “KILL KILL KILL”. Does the game imply that all plant-creatures have developed a lust for violence, or are they saying that all plant harbor a desire for mindless killing and their immobile bodies are the only thing saving us? Regardless the idea of a plant creature, typically known for being stereotypical pacifist creatures of nature, being the most violent part of a roster including a melting zombie, a 50s sci-fi villain, and the creature from the green lagoon is a lovely image a suitably ironic for my taste.

In terms of design Plant is decently generic, of course, a heck of a lot better than most other plant-monsters that serve as characters (with most being just bark-skinned people) but compared to the stereotypical idea of a carnivorous plant monster they’re pretty standard. There are a couple little touches I do enjoy however that at least put them in the top tier of Plant-monsters. Such as the 3 legs rather than having a vertebrae-like quadrupedal stance, which gives them that bit of plant-ness and separates Plant from being a green animal. I also like the huge white head with the bright red lips, it certainly makes Plant easier to read than if they only had various shades of green.

Plant’s abilities are certainly interesting. Plant is naturally faster than any other character in the game, presumably because whatever decided that radiation gives plants legs should give them really good legs or because Plant is really good at taking down prey. Their active is a little more standard for a plant-monster. They are able to shoot out a seed which grows instantly into a web of vines to slow down and trap enemies, the game even added the nice little touch of allowing bigger enemies to slowly leave the vine-snare!

One more thing of note is that you find Plant by reaching the Scrapyard, which is a place filled with robots, crows, and fire-breathing salamanders. Did plant come to the scrapyard on purpose? Did they get trapped and that’s why they come with you?

Feed him Seymour!

YUNG VENUZ

NOW EVERYONE LISTEN UP! RIGHT NOW I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YV WAS INVENTED WELL BEFORE BILL CIPHER, SO PLEASE STOP THINKING THAT THOUGHT I KNOW YOU ARE THINKING!!!

Anyway, back to the real topic. Apart from Fish, the first character you even see on the roster, YV is probably the most iconic character in all of Nuclear Throne just by virtue of how totally absurd he is. I’ll first go over how you unlock YV because he’s one of the more secret characters that is pretty difficult to unlock. First, you need to find the screwdriver weapon and get to the scrapyard. In the first scrapyard level, you’ll find a car with wings and you need to hit the car with the screwdriver. At this point you can enter the car and proceed to fly into space to the planet Venus, you’ll then enter a mansion on the planet Venus thus unlocking YV. This in and of itself is already absurd without getting into the character himself. In this world of radiation and monsters there just also happens to be a working society on Venus where one of the citizens is a white triangle with a giant eyeball and they’re all obsessed with gang culture and guns.

The actual physical design of Yung Venuz is pretty basic, just a regular old Illuminati reference, but what really makes him shine is his personality. Yung Venus, canonically, is the funniest fucking thing and I love him so much. YV is obsessed with guns (gunz), gold, and rap music which seems to come from observing earth-life during a pre-apocalypse time and then obsessing over it. Every weapon from his homeland is made of gold for some reason and this makes the gunz better. YV is the king of Venus because in a previous game by Nuclear Throne’s creators he killed the old king and took his place.  YV really does act like an alien trying to get in on a subculture a few centuries too late, with a hip-teen way of spelling things which he apparently made the official language of Venus and a surface-level obsession with gang-culture (like his hatred of “Dad Popo” and love of gunz).

Apparently, his love of gunz did him good because he’s been playing with them for so long that both his abilities make him better at using them. Not only does he have a faster rate of fire than any other character, being so in tune with guns he can ignore basic reloading principles and just make the gun go faster but his active ability lets him fire the same gun twice in the same shot, shooting two bullets or shells or whatever. These abilities are not only the reason YV is considered one of if not the most powerful character in the game, but also perfect in showing that this guy is a Gun God.

Oh yeah right, being the king of Venus also made YV a literal god of Gunz, to the point where he doesn’t actually die. Instead, he just has a temper tantrum after losing too much health and teleports back to his mansion presumably to practice his rap.

Get mor Gunz

STEROIDS

So next on the roster, and after the famous YV, we get a comparatively normal mutant in the form of Steroids (again, the reasoning behind the name should be obvious). This big beef-cake is unlocked by reaching the labs, this is because the huge muscle-bound character comes from a human scientist and isn’t actually the result of a mutation. Steroids was a scientist studying something and because of this, he found out about the apocalypse, prompting him to pump up with every steroid under the sun to allow him to live safely in the new world. Overall I enjoy the, admittedly simple, idea of a scientist pumping himself up with medicine to survive in an apocalypse, and especially enjoy how it suggests that something went on in those labs that lead to the disaster.

Overall the design is quite simple, especially compared to the other character designs we have seen, although at the very least it’s an idea I haven’t seen played out by a protagonist/good-aligned character (the closest I can think of to steroids would be any number of resident evil bosses). While the design is simplistic I will admit that adding more nonsense would ruin the concept somewhat, and to be fair there’s only so many ways “steroid man” can be drawn).

Steroids have a couple abilities both based on just being shredded and jacked as hell. Steroid’s passive ability is that all his weapons are fully automatic, thanks to his arms being strong enough to handle and shoot a gun without suffering recoil or needing a second hand - I actually like this ability since it makes a fair amount of sense and, since Steroids is not a mutant, his abilities being strictly possible also makes sense. Similarly, Steroids can shoot both weapons at the same time, which I have the same opinions on as his passive. Overall Steroids is pretty simplistic but only compared to the other characters of nuclear Throne and I could think him a great idea in any other post-apocalyptic game, if not the top tier idea.

I heard that Steroids had an 8-pack, that steroids is shredded.

ROBOT

Out next mutant is not actually a mutant, but more of a byproduct of the world that resulted in the apocalypse. Robot is found in the Frozen City, a place covered with ice and filled with various robots that might be so cold because of nuclear winter, which is an interesting take on the idea of a cold-apocalyptic place and serves as a great explanation for why only robots have managed to survive there, that snow might just be fallout! Admittedly we don’t get too much personality for Robot aside from the fact that they speak in binary code, although it's implied that something gave this otherwise normal robot sapience, causing it to go rogue and join the mutants. I appreciate how rather than mutating, they get “upgrades” (don’t ask me to explain how radiation causes a computer to update).

I can’t really say a robot is an overdone idea for a post-apocalyptic setting any more than I can say “living thing” is overdone, and luckily the robot design in question looks wonderful. Aside from just finding it adorable, this shining robot stands out from the buckets of rust we see in other fictional apocalypse settings, that’s not to ignore how a presumably sapient character being quadrupedal is practically unheard of - it’s always nice to see this game step even a bit out of bounds for normal character design. The red glowing eye is pretty standard, but overall Robot is recognizable and distinct from most other robots in apocalypse media.

Robot has some okay abilities. They passively find better weapons which thematically connects to the idea of an advanced robot, but doesn’t make too much sense in-fiction. Their active ability, which allows them to consume one of their weapons to gain more ammo or health, is significantly more interesting. This implies that robot is eating and “digesting” guns (and presumably other mechanical things) to gain health or make ammo. Is this a trait of all robots in the NT universe, or is Robot made to recycle, giving it this ability?

01110010 01101111 01100010 01101111 01110100 01110011 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110010 01110101 01101100 01100101

CHICKEN

Okay, now we’re back to the real kooky stuff that nuclear throne is great at - the kind of thing you’d expect to find in a 50s pulp comic or a weird 80s cartoon - without next lovely lady Chicken. Nuclear Throne really has a way of making female characters just as monstrous as the dudes/unknowns doesn’t it? Chicken is a pretty late-game unlock since you need to access a secret area which requires you getting a specific mutation and then getting to a later stage with enough health to feed the portal to access the Jungle, which is a great area we’ll talk about later. Boy is it worth it to get her though, Chicken seems like something straight out of a TMNT ripoff doesn’t she?

We cannot talk about her physical design without bringing in her character. Chicken is the end result of a farm-hen getting mutated into an anthropomorphic version of her old self, but the fun doesn’t stop there. After mutating human-level intelligence she found dozens of old 80s action and martial arts movies from before the apocalypse and became obsessed with them. This prompted her to train in martial arts and become Chicken Jackie Chan. Furry chickens aren’t that original an idea, although once again I have never seen one in fiction. Luckily they avoid the easy-way-out and didn’t give her mammal breasts for no reason! In general her design is funny and a great take on a tired concept in a new genre (ie not furry art) and the personality and backstory make her all the more amazing.

Now we’re going to talk about her active ability first before we get onto her passive. When you activate her ability Chicken throws her weapon in the direction of your mouse, hitting enemies for a progressively increasing amount of damage.This is a great way to bring in her personality as it sets up for a playstyle much more like the traditional action heroes of the 80s as you throw her weapon and shoot off the remaining health as you dash into the crowd to get it back. Now her passive ability is... really something.

When chicken takes fatal damage she doesn’t die right away. Instead, she loses her head and you have a few seconds to try and find health of any kind, which will cause her to regrow her head with slightly less maximum health. This is an absolutely great mechanic. Not only does it let players get a bit more ridiculous and action-hero-like but it ties in perfectly with her design, “of course a chicken could survive without their head, everyone knows that”.

Chicken starts with a katana, the weeb.

REBEL

Rebel is probably the closest we’re going to get to a character with a clear backstory and arc. Coming in at 9th on the roster Rebel requires the player to beat the throne and then get thrown into an alternate dimension because that’s a thing that this world is all about, alternate dimensions. Regardless Rebel has a clear connection to the bandits, a common enemy that appear throughout almost every stage in the game and serve as the basic cannon-fodder in the areas. The only notable difference is the colour of her one eye and scarf, which are green and blue instead of red and brown. I’ll reveal the specifics of her story in a review of the bandit enemies, but I’m sure from the name Rebel you can take a guess as to what happened.

The design of rebel is great in my opinion, and probably the closest to the modern fallout-style post-apocalyptic setting that this game gets outside of the bandit enemies themselves. While we see almost nothing of her actual body (oh yeah this is another female character by the by) but eh covering of bandages give us a clue that the mutations she received may not have been so pleasant, likely something more like radiation burns that being turned into a perfectly normal fish-man. The one eye adds an air of mystery as to exactly what is behind the bandages, which elevates the design to the top of the list of other bandit-style enemies in games, and makes her one of the subtler designs that gets pulled of super effectively.

Her abilities are something that really makes her shine, and shows that what is under those bandages definitely isn’t human. She passively heals half the health she lost in-between levels, which points to some significant regenerative abilities which get expanded on when we see her ability is to spawn short-lived mini clones that will fight for her before exploding in a shower of blood and radiation. It should be noted that allies take away her health, which points to her creating these smaller bandits out of her own body - is this how all bandits are made? Do bandits usually live for such short timespans or is it just that Rebel isn’t adept at creating them?

Fallout watch out, these are the superior bandits.

HORROR

We’re getting near the end of the roster here, and the characters do not go downhill in quality to any degree. Horror here is a positively adorable character the likes of which I have never seen before. The way you unlock Horror is pretty much the explanation for how they came to be. If you stop destroying radiation canisters, items found once per level that gives you a bunch of rads (the equivalent for experience in this game), eventually the cans get bigger and bigger until they burst open and you fight Horror as a sort of miniboss. I’ve asked this before but what on earth is this radiation supposed to actually be? Last time I checked radiation can’t gain sentience!

Horror’s design is undeniably wonderful. Not only is living radiation something I’ve seen done not once before in any media, much less post-apocalyptic genre, but the way that the developers chose to design this living pile of rads is unique and wonderful. Rather than making a meaningless pile of rads as weaker designs might have done, Horror has a distinctive design that differentiates itself from not just energy-creatures, but energy creatures that ape of the look of dogs as well! I love the details put into the inside of that huge gaping maw which is made to look like the strange portals that transport players between levels. That little detail gives us so much information about the lore of this unusual world that it makes me love the design even more.

Horror has some great abilities. Whenever a character in Nuclear Throne gains enough rads, they level up and during the next level screen, they can choose a mutation which will upgrade their character in any number of ways. Usually, players only have a choice of 4 randomly selected mutations, but playing as horror means you get an extra option with a total of 5 mutations to select from. While this doesn’t necessarily connect to the idea of radiation, the way it plays out mechanically and thematically in the world of Nuclear Throne gives us that connection. Horror’s active is slightly more obvious but has a lovely twist. When activating their ability Horror spews out a beam of pure radiation, which drains the players rad count/experience and damages enemies. While this on its own is a neat way to incorporate the fact that Horror is a collection of energy in a shape rather than a creature limited to one form, enemies that get hit with the rad beam will also drop more rads when they die. Horror’s beam actually makes the enemies suffer from radiation damage!

Horror is the ideal dog.

ROGUE

Rogue is the final (unlockable) character on the Nuclear Throne roster and wait, did the devs run out of ideas finally, oh GOD! Well don’t worry, because Rogue is actually a very interesting character and even designed decently. Rogue is unlocked by reaching the Nuclear Throne itself and sitting on it claiming all its power, whatever that is, for yourself. This then prompts a short cutscene where the Inter-Dimensional-Police-Department looks at your character sitting on the chair and then send some officers to “deal with the problem” the same way most police do. I’ll talk about the IDPD in depth later on but the short of it is they are a task force form a timeline where the apocalypse didn’t occur that set out to prevent anyone from dimensions that suffered the apocalypse from gaining control over the throne. Considering how on-the-nose most of the names have been thus far I’m sure you can guess that Rogue had, well, gone rogue and joined the band of mutants.

There's not much to say about the design but I do want to commend the developers for explicitly making Rogue a black woman. They could just as easily given her white skin or made her a dude, but they decided that it was worth the not-extra-effort to give people a black woman character such as Rogue. Now aside from that Rogue is a pretty generic space-police design. I am disappointed to say that despite having one of the more complex and known backstories of the game Rogue is a relatively bland looking character when compared to the lineup of mutants we’ve just been looking at.

Rogue is actually one of the harder characters to play, and part of that is the slew of abilities she has that can impede her progress. Her basic ability is that whenever she takes damage her suit will create explosions that are harmless to her but deal serious damage to things in close proximity (this, however, includes objects that will explode upon death and kill the player). In addition to this, whenever she spawns into a level additional IDPD enemies, which are some of the harder enemies in the game, will spawn around her as they try to take down a rogue operative.

The reason they hunt down this one rogue officer is that she stole some powerful technology that they don’t want to get into the wrong hands. Radiation canisters are actually replaced completely by special ammo canisters, which give fuel for her to use a special weapon which deals huge amounts of explosive damage across an area of the players choosing. Overall these abilities are great, and really put the pressure on the player and serve to naturally indicate the story of this character rather than just giving loads of text about her.

Direct Action.

SKELETON

Now wait, didn’t I just say Rogue was the last unlockable character? Well, I did, but these next two characters are secret characters and aren’t unlocked like all the other characters are. Skeleton here cannot be chosen when you start the game. Instead, you have to play as Melting and get to the labs. The labs contain an enemy that will not attack, but instead, revive any dead enemies in a circle. You have to die within that circle as they revive enemies, prompting your character to be revived as this skeleton! I think this is an absolutely ingenious way of creating a secret character and a cool reward for players who played a difficult character to a later stage and pulled off a neat trick. Skeleton doesn’t really have lore or personality beyond “The way you unlock them” and “Angry Skeleton” but sometimes that’s all you need.

The design of Skeleton is just a skeleton, and there really isn’t anything to it. I do enjoy how its character-specific mutations just show that this guy is super really angry all the time but beyond that, the character is just a normal-looking gun-toting skeleton (of course, that being a disappointingly normal character says something about the game). One little touch I do like is how Skeleton is always seen as hunched over and limping. They’re an undead nightmare without anything other than bones! Of course they’d struggle to walk.

Skeleton’s abilities just make life harder for them. When you respawn as Skeleton you get 4 health (more health than Melting but less than other characters), less speed, and less accuracy. Overall this pushes the “Undead nightmare that hates life” idea really well! (God never thought I’d say that). Their active is a bit more interesting. Skeleton can shoot their gun without ammo, but risk losing what little health they have. While there’s no solid explanation, my personal theory is that they “revive” the bullet that they just exploded which can risk removing the necromantic energy that keeps them alive! These abilities are just the right combo of perfectly logical and absurd yet still connected to the character that the best characters in the game have.

Secret Skeleton.

FROG

There are only two secret characters in Nuclear Throne, leaving frog as the last character we’ll be reviewing in this installation. Frog is actually a palette swap of an enemy we see in the second stage later in the game (which we might look at later) and you unlock them by equipping your character on the loading screen with a special golden “frog gun” you can find after fighting the Frog Mom boss. I like to think this shows Frog as a special child of the From Mom, perhaps this is the baby form of the next Frog Mom? We probably won't ever find out but that’s what I like to say. While we don’t get much backstory about the character despite the very unusual unlock mechanism we do get a lion’s share of personality from Frog. Every moment of your game Frog is moving from the moment you hit play to even when you sit on the Nuclear Throne itself. Frog keeps moving her legs in the chair, adorable! The design of Frog is great as well. A giant frog isn’t actually something I’ve seen a lot outside of fantasy fiction or that one Ben 10 episode, and even if Frog doesn’t reach the absurd proportions as her Mom she’s still a huge Frog. I appreciate the design for being something super simplified but at least to me immediately recognizable as a frog-like creation, with those huge thicc legs and the giant mouth taking up most of the body it almost feels like a frog that has been streamlined and made more efficient. Those glowing green eyes really settle in not only the radiation theme present throughout the game but also the characters relation to toxins (which we’ll get onto later). I really do enjoy this design both in concept and in execution and it overall makes a great end to the roster of Nuclear Throne characters. Frog has some fun little abilities that mimic the enemies she seems to be related to. Frog is unable to stop moving in any capacity without the use of her ability. When you press a directional key she’ll walk off in that direction, bouncing off any walls that get in her way, and the only way to get her to stop is to use her ability. Activating Frog’s ability will finally get her to stop moving as she builds up a cloud of poisonous gas, releasing the ability button will send Frog on her merry way and cause her to release a cloud of gas that gets bigger the longer you stay still for. Luckily she’s immune to that stuff unlike any other character in the game (just like the other Frog-creatures). Overall I really enjoy these abilities and I think the Frogmen where a great enemy to try and translate into a character as it creates a unique mechanic o work around unlike any other Nuclear Throne character. Froppy! Froppy! Froppy!

And so we have finally reached the end of this huge and absurdly long look into the designs of the 12 (+ 2 secret characters) characters in Nuclear Throne. What a great ride it’s been. Nuclear Throne is something special in post-apocalyptic media being something that’s fun, lively, and cheesy all in a purposeful way and still has great care put into the designs of the characters. Nuclear Throne brings back a particular kind of designs that I thought was lost in the old pulp science fiction era (even Fallout, a game based on that era of sci-fi, still has their designs follow modern standards pretty closely). No other post-apocalyptic game I’ve seen dives into the absurd with such dedication and form.

[televinita]

Zoo 3.04

Why is this show burning Utica to the ground.

[Side note: this unwieldy post is the product of me doing a skip-through when this episode aired, watching maybe 15 random minutes from beginning to end, writing the part up to the line with the music notes, and finally watching the full episode only to work myself into a swampy mess of partially adjusted feelings once I had all the facts. I hope it is moderately less confusing to follow than this explanation]

A list of ways the show failed me on this outing and, now that I think about it, probably subconsciously contributed to my subsequent abandonment.

1. Continued the reign of Super Jamie, the most boring zealot ever to zeal 2. Set up a weird Madonna/Whore Villain complex with all of its female characters 3. Deeply underwhelmed re: fireworks on the kiss they built up to for nearly two damn years. 4. Pit Jamie and Jackson against each other Me in July: I don't even know which one I am maddest about but I'm pretty sure it's the last one. You know what screw it, I'm gonna flamethrower my OTP and just full steam ahead into the realm of slash. If Jamie can't play nice enough with either of the men I need her to love then I'm gonna toss her out of the equation and make Mitch/Jackson my new fave.

I have been suppressing the desire to run with this since last year, because canon is always superior, I hardly ever slash anyway, and I like to save the non-canon shipping feels for when the canon runs out and I need a new hit of an old love, but whatever. My fondness for the bromance has become epic enough to drop the b. Or replace the b. ♫Confident in bisexuali-tay!♫

[Edit: As you move forward, keep in mind that I spoiled myself a tad on episode 8, probably subconsciously because I needed a reason to push me over the rage hump, and while I am still gonna air my original grievances, I am also still on the Mitch/Jamie train]

------------ AUGUST GRIEVANCE THREE: Not good enough! *whip* So. I happily spoiled myself on the stills for this episode before it aired, which included both kiss scenes, and my heart shot the moon. Then I saw them in context and my heart fell into the basement. My reaction was a lot of "you had TWO OFF-SEASONS TO NOT SCREW THIS UP HOW DID YOU SCREW THIS UP," followed by creating this post that I really should have just posted at the time, but I waited too long, so now it is only a storyboard artifact:

I just...I wanted it to be a bigger moment. Or I at least wanted to feel more. I felt twenty times more emotion from their reunion hug in 2x05, or one stupid handhold on the beach, than I did for the most significant moment they've had since season 1, and that is not the way it should be. I'm still having a really hard time coming up with why it wasn't saved for the end of the episode, or why the kiss wasn't introduced at the beginning, interrupted by a Panic Plot, and then resolved in a Thank God We're Alive way. As for the hookup part, well, some people express their feelings through song; I am much better at expressing mine through snarky recap:

Update y'all, they did in fact go bang. In the middle of the day. And then got redressed and continued the plot because who would want their characters to have nice things like a whole night together for their first time when they could instead toss it off as casual "anyway lol thanx for the afternoon delight buddy, now hang on I gotta go do a murder."

I don't even need them to make a big emotional deal out of things; clearly they are both people who are very fine with hookups, but the fact that the most epic reunion was popped off in the early middle part of the episode just to set up that Jamie will put Her Cause before everything did not sit well with me. I still wanna know what was the point of separating them for 10 years before they ever got together if their reunion wasn't going to be the focal point. If you're gonna be like this, literally nothing would have been changed by eliminating the love triangle and letting them be together in season 2. I think and hope that most people really liked this scene, though, and more power to you if you did. I think I watched it wrong. G.3 TAKE TWO The thing is, I did watch it wrong. I delayed posting this by an extra day because it really bugged me that I didn't love the kiss. I watched it 8 times trying to pinpoint where the bottom fell out, because I definitely appreciate that Mitch finally got to talk to Jamie at the bar without her running away. I liked him answering honestly about how he's doing post-op, I liked him directly confronting her about her dark turn, and what is left? I hypothesized that maybe "How about now?" just didn't feel like enough segue to kissing. I hypothesized that maybe it wasn't the words but the body language; leaning across from two separate chairs is kinda awkward. But anyone knows that if you watch a thing you want to like enough times, you brainwash yourself into liking it, so guess who is now on board with this moment. Somewhere between my sitting close enough to the computer to notice the emotion in Mitch's face, Jamie's right hand covering his, how much I love his hand on her face, and the swelling orchestral score that reminds me of the Will/Elizabeth beach scene in Pirates of the Caribbean...I stumbled into the promised land of shipper joy. I've even convinced myself to like the very phrase I thought was not good enough. Mitch has previously gone big and gone home alone. So this time it is the smallest possible overture with no expectations attached -- and score. I am still annoyed about the pacing and Jamie's abrupt departure post-bedroom, though. ----------------------- GRIEVANCE TWO: Why do you want us to hate women? Serious question how is that any woman who isn't the literal blessed mother Clementine is cold, calculating and/or pure evil? Like, I'm not saying that I would not normally be all on board with a team of mercenary lesbians, but when both evil fronts are also personified by power-hungry women and Jamie's ends justify all means and a mother is selling someone else's kid then...like...to take a Chandler Bing quote completely out of context: WHERE are ALL the MEN?? We're talking about reproductive rights. If the political side of Tumblr has led me to believe anything, it's that men are all about controlling that. (Looks like they show up in the next installment, tho.) ------------------------- GRIEVANCE FOUR (again): Jamie/Jackson Why don't you just stab me through the heart with a hybrid horn. I hope everybody has been whispering to each other like "who's gonna tell her?" / "Not me I don't wanna be there when Televinita's hopes and dreams for the backstory of her fave wayward ship get blown to kingdom come; I heard she threatens to perform brain surgery on people with power drills." Now, to be fair, I have spent weeks in a state of rage thinking that Jamie sold him out on purpose to further her vengeance quest, because in my patchy scene-jumping I missed the important part where she tried to protect them all with pseudonyms. My feathers have de-ruffled considerably.

I'm just...still annoyed. That there is this much bad blood after that amazing scene in 2x13 where he sat on the steps with her and held her while she cried, and I wrote beautiful analysis no one ever saw about them matching heartbreak for heartbreak, the widow and widower of this war.

in case u need a reminder

AND YOU JUST DESTROYED MY HOPE OF THEM BEING PLATONIC LIFE PARTNERS FOR YOUR SHODDY PLOT NEEDS?!, I WILL MURDER YOU. (well, I'll get my dino-vultures to come after you. Guys, I might be having a problem where Abigail is becoming my hero and I want to join her? I think I'm watching it wrong again...)

----------

GRIEVANCE ONE: canceled.

I had so much more rage about Jamie the Assassin before I sneaked a peek at episode 5's plot and was assured she did not actually go out and do a murder**. Prior to that I was 'bout to drop Jamie into a volcano myself. Plus Mitch does get in some good shots at Logan while they're running around Reiden Tower, so on second viewing this is a lot more fun.

**To be clear, I have been consciously using this phrase in reference to Trelkez'sIn Secret macro recap (spoilers for that movie), which I have not stopped laughing at.

NON-GRIEVANCES

* Props to the prop department for the dead vulture hybrid.

* "Pizza" is even better than Henry. Do you think he will ultimately have a more significant role to play than Henry, or is he just there to look cute? (I have no problem with him just being there to look cute.)

* I got a giggle out of Mitch's "the vigilante thing? Kinda workin' for me," because it would.

* My favorite part of this entire episode, though, is Mitch and Jackson coming to an agreement that they need to keep an eye on Jamie, just because it reminds me of one of the few things I like about Mitch/Jamie in season 2. Even though I know there is soon-to-be-revealed irony afoot in Jamie being the problem here.

[bloodfromtherock-blog]

STROKE SONGS

Daniel Hutchens October 21, 2017

DH working on Stroke Songs, February 16, 2017

“My SJ-200 still loves me. Even my clumsy post-stroke strumming, middle of the night insomnia...the songs keep coming. Steve Earle once said something like, ‘Every guitar has a certain amount of songs in it’. If that's true, I got lucky twice. My old black Guild, and this Gibson…Anyway, I just love guitars. I can't stop playing, even with a wronged right arm.”



I wrote that late night this past February 16, a little less than three months after I suffered a minor hemorrhagic stroke…but of course these things are all relative, and to me it didn’t seem so minor. Though even then, I did appreciate that overall I was pretty damn lucky, I was told I should expect basically a full recovery, and of course I was just plain still alive, which isn’t the outcome for everyone in those situations.



So we count our blessings, and we probably take ‘em for granted sometimes too, and speaking for myself, I know I bitched and moaned plenty during the following months of my recovery. Like Joe Walsh sang, “I can’t complain but sometimes I still do…Life’s been good to me so far.”



My main physical challenge was my right arm; it felt stiff and sometimes dead-weight heavy. It was tricky at times even to pick up a glass of water, because my fingers were numb and tingly and the fine motor skills and delicate touch sensations were all weirdly askew, like I was learning how to operate a brand new arm. I dropped things a lot, and at first it was even tricky to sign my name.



But again, I was a lucky guy, just to still be around. And I was shocked and humbled by the overwhelming support and assistance I received from friends far and near, not to mention plenty of outright strangers, who knew me through my songs and came through for me like a huge extended family, lifting my spirits with messages and gifts and encouragement, not to mention generous contributions to a fund-me account my friends had set up, which honestly touched my heart and saved my ass, and most likely kept me from losing my house. I don’t have the words to thank you all enough.



But anyway…suffice to say I love each and every one of you who reached out. Not to get all maudlin here, but you made me feel my life’s work has been worthwhile. I feel you folks down deep…Bloodkin indeed.



********************************************************************************



But what pissed me off so badly during those early recovery days, the real bitch about my lame-ass right arm, was the fact that I couldn’t really play guitar.  That’s such an ingrained part of my life, instinctive after all these years, and I’ll just reach for a guitar every day without even really being aware I’m doing it. It’s like brushing my teeth or feeding my dog. It’s just there, routine, automatic. But now, my right arm wasn’t cooperating any more; it had the finesse of concrete and I dropped my guitar pick every few seconds, couldn’t really feel the subtleties of strumming and muting the strings, couldn’t connect with the instrument. It downright enraged me at first, to the point where I had to stop trying to play, ‘cause it was jacking my blood pressure sky high, which of course wasn’t exactly a safe move at that point.



But my doctors did encourage me to keep trying to play, and to use my arm in regular everyday ways, as opposed to switching to the left arm, and just letting the right one dangle. I was advised I had to learn to cope better with stress and anger––I had been diagnosed with anxiety/depression––and that was the important change I had to make. In my mind and emotions, not in my arm. So I went back to picking up the guitar each day, just a few minutes at a time at first, and just taking what would come. Relearning, and adjusting my strums and accents around what I couldn’t quite do anymore, and finding some new moves. Kinda like an old pitcher who doesn’t have the fastball he used to, so he fine tunes his location and changes speeds, tries a knuckleball, whatever it takes.

What started happening for me, after I developed a little patience, was my arm and hand got stronger and felt more “normal” the more I played. Just a little strumming each day really helped, and pretty soon I could get through a whole song in decent style. I still couldn’t have gone onstage and played an entire rock and roll show, but I could sit at home and get through a whole song. One at a time, at first. But what that meant in my mind was, I had enough stamina to start writing again. I could play whole phrases over and over, I could hear how they were fitting together, I could actually work on songs and hear ‘em flow. That was a big, important moment for me, when I first realized that. And it motivated one of the powerhouse writing binges of my whole life.



***************************************************************************************

The previous year, 2016, had been a tough one for me. All kinds of strange circumstances and struggles, for me and for several of my close friends. The big events for me personally were, I got divorced, my Mom died, a close friend of mine committed suicide, and finally I had the stroke in November. And through all that, I wrote the least songs I’ve ever written in a single year. I think I wrote 3. I usually at least work and hammer away on about 50.



I don’t know if I had what they call “writer’s block”, whatever that really means. I just think I was distracted and depressed beyond the point of writing about it, or just felt kinda dazed and disconnected. Maybe I was just processing, maybe I just didn’t have time, or maybe I was just plain lazy. But I had started thinking that maybe I was done with the songwriting thing. Hell, I have a backlog of about 500 songs anyway, some of ‘em finished, some of ‘em just partial sketches. I thought, maybe that’s plenty. Supposedly Rimbaud stopped writing poetry when he was 19. Who’s to say? 



I remember thinking I had become the curator of my own museum, in my own mind. I wanted to organize and preserve my works, my songs and poems and random scribblings, so they were collected in presentable form, easily passed down and accessible after I was gone. My “body of work”…that’s always been crucial to me, that it lives on after I’m outta here. And I still felt that way during the dry spell that was 2016.



And there’s nothing wrong with that, and it’s a valid ambition for any artist, to document and finalize. But it’s a whole different lifestyle from being actively creative, and really doing the work. Because that state of mind is messy and chaotic and crazy a lot of times, at least for me…you try to catch the ideas as they fly, and sometimes you get intimately tangled up in that mystery, and sometimes you tend to forget appointments and responsibilities…it’s not always an easy way to live. But then sometimes when you’re removed from it, like I was, or thought I was…down in the pit of your stomach, you start to miss it.

***************************************************************************************

Yeah…I’m sure I probably overthink all this. Like they say, it’s only Rock n Roll…but I remember back in January and February, when I was still mostly housebound, but had started to get a touch of my guitar skills back…that’s when the songs came pouring back over me. I’d typically stay up late nights, after my kids were in bed, and I’d sit at the dining room table with my little garageband phone set up and some earbuds, and some paper to scribble on…and I started working on a collection I wound up calling Stroke Songs.



The first official song in the collection, I guess, was the one Bloodkin had recorded in Chase Park Transduction back in November, which I wrote with Eric Carter, “Beneath the Streets of Nashville.” Later that night after leaving the studio I had the stroke…couldn’t have scripted a more dramatic movie scene. Especially considering some of the song’s “I’m gonna sing again” lyrics.



But in January and February, those late nights, a bunch of songs started appearing in my head. I just started hearing ‘em, one after another…and I really liked ‘em all, which might sound self-serving, but that’s not how it works for me. Sometimes songs pop into my head and I’ll be like, “Ah, that’s generic. That’s boring. I wouldn’t wanta hear someone else playin’ that.” (I still write ‘em all down and document ‘em, cause I don’t believe in editing initial ideas, and once in a while I’ll go back and find a good line or something in one of those half baked tunes.)



But these Stroke Songs seemed strong and strange and catchy, and kinda beyond my conscious thinking (which is what ya look for). I thought maybe other people besides me might actually like ‘em. Of course you gotta please yourself first, and you never really know what someone else is gonna think…and certain people out there will hate anything you ever write. 



But I digress…the point is, I really liked these new songs, and they came fast and furious. Night after night, and in retrospect, they’re really what got me back in guitar-playing and singing shape. They were my motivation and my workout, and exactly what I needed. 



Yeah, a whole truckload of ‘em… “Coma Mona”, “New Busted Shuffle”, “8 Track Buzz”, “Mythical Girl”, “Metal and Wood” (written with Eric Carter), etc. …about 30 in all. It was an epic and healing little patch of my life! Here are a few lyrics, just for the hell of it, from one of the songs, called “Depression Glass”:




DEPRESSION GLASS

all stretched out in a hospital bed I’m thinking about some things you said when life gets hard as hell that’s when you can’t afford   feeling sorry for yourself

(chorus) seeing my life through a piece of depression glass my Mom used to collect depression glass seeing her face through a piece of depression glass makes me know how lucky I am all the love in my life I’m feeling again



Anyway…It was an inspirational time for me. People talk about “being in the zone”, and for maybe three months overall, I might’ve been there. Those nights, at that table, singing and playing into my little home recording set-up, made me feel like maybe I could get back in the game. I don’t know how or why it happened––maybe something to do with that “facing mortality” thing––but I don’t wanta examine too closely. All I know is, you gotta ride out the dark days, and “the zone” will come back around.



But the reason I’m writing this today isn’t just to reminisce, or gloat or speculate or bullshit. What I’m trying to say is, last year was bleak and ugly for me, in so many ways. And I was feeling good and sorry for myself, plenty of times. And I guess I’m just trying to share my story with anyone out there who might be feeling low or lonesome or suicidal or just pissed off at the world: you ain’t alone, my friend. I’ve been there, right exactly there, in my own way. And there were days I was about as cynical as anyone you’ll ever meet, and I would’ve bet the ranch (if I had a ranch) I was living my last days.



I didn’t do anything courageous or extraordinary to climb out of that depression. But I did speak up to people who listened, and I just persisted. I’m a stubborn piece of work, if nothing else. And sometimes stubborn ain’t a bad way to go.



A good buddy of mine killed himself last year, and I really wish I could’ve talked to him before he made that decision. I wish I could have told him this story I’m telling right now. Don’t be afraid to reach out, folks, and don’t be afraid to just pick up that guitar and play (whatever your version of “that guitar” may be)…just find that knuckleball, if you can’t throw your fastball anymore. Keep rockin’, folks, like the Stones said…All Down The Line.



Counseling services for musicians in Athens, at Nuci’s Space: https://www.nuci.org/get-help/



National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
Call 1-800-273-8255 Available 24 hours everyday

[teatoohottohandle]

sidetracked; wanted to post on blogger, but I think its better here.

Posting a little bit later than I should have, but feeling overwhelmed suddenly and noticing the physical effects of stress.

Last night, I couldn't sleep because I felt my hair falling off and my scalp was so itchy. I looked up: "reasons why my head itches so much", and I've checked for lice at this point, of which I didn't see any traces of lice (thank goodness). Results were: dandruff, which is an after-effect of scratching at your head like how when you scratch at your skin and skin flakes fall off (duh), autoimmune condition, other infection - most likely bacterial, stress, and so forth. I hadn't considered stress to be something that I'm suffering from in a while, but I've noticed that my jaw hurts from my teeth crunching, my periods are irregular, trouble sleeping, hair falling out, and so forth and so forth. The physiological symptoms of stress surface.

I'd like to believe that maybe its not that I'm stressed because I went through school feeling stress-free, taking things one at a time, making lists that calmed me down, being organized. But the fact that most of my days are unstructured, I get angsty thinking about what I'll be able to accomplish. Besides the fact that I'm also behind on studying for the GRE, I haven't received my GRE test fee-waiver vouchers, the IRS 1040 form is missing from my parents, I'm broke, finances are tight, family issues. I got into an useless argument with Lucy earlier today about how she's ungrateful for the free rides we give her and how she purposely does things to tick us off like leaving the wet foot towel on the tile after she's done showering instead of being a decent fucking human being and letting it hang to fucking dry before the next person showers. Then Vincent texts me, says he won't be coming home this weekend and I miss my brother. My goodness, he kept the family intact for what its worth. Samson clawed at Kai's eye, left a shallow cut underneath his eye. Even the dogs are fighting. Though it was most likely an accident from Samson, the poor thing can only eat dead worms and wants to play with the live ones. I also just find out that my mother is going to court in the morning for speeding on a road she takes four out of seven days to work, but she was so preoccupied with her father and older brother being sick that she forgot and as she was stretching her arm out, her leg also extended on the gas pedal and she sped down a hill... Today she told me she was going back home without us. Which makes sense since I have a job now, Vincent is busy with school. I bet Lucy will be a useless fuck again and bum off, make an excuse for leaving. The guy she's dating is coming to visit, and she's expecting to sleep in the same room with him under our mother's roof. Makes me laugh, good luck with that, Lucy.

And to top it off, I have so much shit to do and I know so little time, but all I did today was nothing. I connected with DJ to talk about NAAPIMHA stuff, helped move, and then when I got home? Shameless nonstop. Finished Season 6. I'm about to breeze through Season 7... Then Season 8 is coming out in November. I don't know how the writers do it, but the show keeps getting better and better. Each season has a different twist and dramatical entrance/ exit that its hard to stop. I binge watch for nights... Its so bad. I want to find someone who is also watching the show so we can talk about it. I understand why people are so into Game of Thrones, where there is this GoT fan base that they can make new friends and have great conversations about GoT, and I'm definitely missing out, but so are these people when it comes to other shows like Shameless.

Great, its September. 93.3 plays Green Day nonstop, and its so sickening. Green Day reminds me of Colin. Its been eight years. I want to go to Aspen alone and release some purple balloons, but I'm scared that they'll deflate before I get there and release them, so I'm kinda banking on there being a Party City. Thing is, I'm not sure if there are any and if there are, I'm sure the tax is heavy. Plus thinking about traffic gives me more stress. I can't believe that I need to sit through traffic on Sunday afternoons, people have to stop moving into Denver before its improved its infrastructure. And to think its been eight years... What I think about most is what he's doing, if he's in the after-life, reincarnated, living again, or just dead. If there is a heaven/ hell/ after-life in the first place/ cycle of life and death. What would he be doing if he were still alive? No doubt he was a genius. Could have been a contributing member of society and I say that (and you should read it) with much sarcasm. This week is suicide awareness week. To Write Love on Her Arms does their campaign - social media is filled with images of people writing LOVE on their arms. Its uplifting. Makes me feel like there are others who care, but I'm still bothered by the fact that Colin never left a note. Didn't tell anyone. Wasn't around others when he did it, supposedly. I've thought about going back to visit the site in Denver, drove past it again. But truth be told, I don't know where it is. Just between 15th and 16th, not sure the exact location.

Foolish me. Just looked up your obituary:

"colin i was always a friend of yours and we sat to gather in every class since 6th grade me you and jesse were suppose to be the 3 amigos but now our triangle is missing a huge part i feel i failed as a friend since you couldn't tell me you were in pain i miss your fun spirt and funny jokes you were one of my best friends now i break into tears every time i hear the midnight train song so song togather" - Monty.

I feel like we were missing a huge part. We still are. The class of 2013 definitely did from Westminster High School. 14. What a young age. What I think about a lot is why. I don't know if I blamed you ever. Being a teenager sucked, high school sucked a lot. There were so many ups and downs. I just wish we had known. Someone had known. The second thing that comes to mind is Jayme. You might have been the only guy friend who treated Jayme right. I can't speak for her, I can't put words into her mouth, but you always made her day, and it was obvious. You could make anyone smile. I heard from someone actually, that they were reopening the case. But I'm not sure if they ever did. Justice. You know. If its something that we can deliver you, wherever you are or whoever you've become, I would want to deliver justice to anyone - just as long as they get what they deserve. Justice is paramount. Its all I'd want for you at the very least, or for anyone. 

Alright, I'm going to try and get some sleep now that I've gotten all of this down and had a chance to hash everything out. Hopefully I can sleep tonight. Got a big day at court tomorrow with my mother.