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amethystina · 9 months ago

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Shipper Tag Game

I was tagged by @a-very-fond-farewell! Thank you so much, darling! Though I'm not sure how good I'll be at it x'D

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1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don’t care anymore?

Honestly? None. While I did have some ships I was interested in, I wasn't obsessed with any of them. And I kind of still care about them? In a very nostalgic way. So I kind of fail at both parts of this question x'D

2. Which ship would you consider your first one?

If I'm going with the one I got really invested in? Destiel tbh. Mainly because I was very much a late bloomer who didn't really discover fandom and fanfics until I was 20-21. I mean, I HAD read some before that but since I didn't have internet in my apartment until I went to university (I was too poor xD), it wasn't easy for me to access them. Shipping is just easier when you have internet.

But, once I had it, I DID revisit a couple of ships that were technically older than Destiel that I had never really gotten into before that, many of them from video games, anime/manga, and books I'd read. But they were all overshadowed by Destiel so that's the one I remember as my first.

3. Your first fanfic belonged to which couple?

Are we talking reading or writing? I guess I'll do both?

Reading: I think it was a Zell Dincht/Seifer Almasy one from Final Fantasy VIII that a friend printed out on actual paper and gave to me back when I was 16 or 17 (again, no internet). And I honestly can't say why he picked that pairing xD (I'm definitely more of a Squall/Seifer girlie now)

Writing: Sterek. Because it felt interesting but also not too intimidating. And I also just like werewolves?

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw a fanart over?

Not really, no. Since I've been drawing for so long I spent more time looking for art than fanfics when I was younger so I probably stumbled over a lot of them without even knowing it.

5. Did you ever get into ship discourse?

Not if I can help it, no. I tend to stay away from that sort of thing as best I can and just let people ship whatever they want. It's honestly none of my business.

6. Did you use to have any no-otp or have it currently?

I have several, mostly based on what I find triggering or squicky. But I don't announce them publically because that's just rude to those who DO ship them. And, as stated above, I try not to get involved in what other people ship or don't ship.

7. Who were the couples in the last fanfic you read?

Choi Yoon/Yoon Hwa Pyung from The Guest. Because who doesn't love some pining and Catholic guilt?

For real, though, I read very few fanfics right now and actually had to go check my history on AO3 to figure this out x'D The second to last fanfic was a Strangers From Hell one. And the one before that was a Guardian one!

8. Currently do you have any OTPs?

Several. Honestly too many to list x'D I'm one of those people who don't really let go of ships I like. They're not always at the forefront of my mind, though, but I remember them fondly and coo a little when I think of all the fond memories.

But if we're talking about the ones I'm the most focused on right now I'd say Kang Yo Han/Kim Ga On from The Devil Judge, Yoon Sa Wol/5-8 from Black Knight (currently struggling with chapter 6 x'D), the aforementioned Choi Yoon/Yoon Hwa Pyung from The Guest, and Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan from Guardian.

9. Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together?

Sterek. But that has less to do with my dedication to the characters and more to do with the queerbaiting and how extremely shittily Jeff Davis handled that whole thing. To use the Sterek shippers for publicity and hint that maybe it could happen, only to turn around and do everything within his power to not make it happen?

I take that personally, not because I have a huge stake in Stiles and Derek as characters, but as a queer person who, for once, thought that maybe we would actually get to see a couple we really liked get together, and then didn't.

I had more hope for Sterek than I ever did for Destiel, which technically had more in-canon queerbaiting, because the people behind Teen Wolf did their damndest to give me hope. Only for me to be ignored and basically told I was being gullible for ever thinking it would happen.

And that's a betrayal I'm probably never going to forgive.

10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting?

Not... really? I can't think of any, at least. But that could be because I always have a pretty good reason for disliking the ships I dislike. As mentioned, it's usually based on triggers and squicks and those don't really change. So my opinion on ships I dislike aren't likely to change, either.

11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, was considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

I mean, considering the social climate right now? Even Sterek qualifies because Stiles was underage when I started shipping them and Derek most certainly was not xD That said, I always prefer the fics when Stiles had time to turn 18 before any of the sexy stuff happened.

12. What was your favourite crack ship?

Okay, so, I've actually read a lot of fics for ships I don't actually ship, just for research purposes. Like, I find it FASCINATING to watch what other people like, how they choose to write about the things they like, and how they decide to portray the characters. Basically, I like to analyse authors just as much as I like to analyse characters. It's a hobby of mine.

And one of my absolute favourites was reading fanfics for Newt Scamander and the original Percival Graves from the first Fantastic Beasts movie (Sidenote: She-who-must-not-be-named is an asshole and this is not an endorsement of her franchise or shitty beliefs). And why I loved that so much was because the fics were about THE ORIGINAL Percival Graves who, technically, was never IN the actual movie (he might not even be alive anymore?). Like, it was Grindelwald all the time. We never actually SAW the original Percival Graves, just Grindelwald's impersonation of him.

And I just had so much fun reading various authors' takes on this character who was never actually seen but, based on Grindelwald's impersonation, can sort of be hinted? Because he must have done a good enough job of it that the people around Graves didn't notice? It was like an anthropological dig of Percival Graves transpiring right before my eyes and since I got on the train pretty early, I could see authors being inspired by each other and how the fanon developed over time. 10/10 would recommend if you're interested in watching a fandom evolve.

(also, some of the fics were so fucking good. So there's that, too xD)

13. Who is the couple you read most fanfics of?

I'm not entirely sure if it's Destiel or Stony, but definitely one of them (Sterek is most likely in third place). Partly because there are just so many to partake in (those fandoms are HUGE), but also because they've been with me for so long and numbers accumulate. That said, I haven't read any for those ships in a long, long time. But considering how many fics I devoured during the time I was the most active in those fandoms? It's going to be difficult for any of the ones I'm currently into to catch up.

Also because I tend to be in much smaller fandoms now >_>

14. What do most of your ships usually have in common?

WELL. A while back I would have said that even if there are some enemies-to-lovers tropes and antagonising in some of them, they're all mostly unproblematic and pretty healthy.

... I can't really do that anymore, can I? x'D

I mean, Kang Yo Han is problematic all on his own, but even HE is a green flag compared to Seo Moon Jo. That fucker is just a straight-up psychopath x'D

A more serious answer: An interesting dynamic. Which sounds like a given, but is actually a bit more tricky than that. Because I've only gotten more and more picky over the years. I've actually spoken to my wife and friends about this, because I've seen a pretty noticeable shift in my own shipping practices lately.

I gather fewer and fewer new ships and that's not because I watch/read fewer things, but because I'm getting pickier about them. There has to be an extra spark that interests me, often connected to the characters' personalities and how they play off each other, while, before, a bit of chemistry was enough.

But that also makes me more versatile, I guess? Because I focus less on tropes and more on characters and dynamics. But that also makes it harder to spot similarities xD

15. What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

I mean, hate is a strong word. But, again, it would mostly be connected to my triggers. I don't like ships that are too abusive and unbalanced. A little bit of danger is fine, but things like abuse, infidelity, grooming, non-con etc. don't work for me, personally.

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I don't really know who to tag so just do it if you want to! :D

#Amethystina Does Tag Games #Shipper Tag Game #I sometimes feel like I'm kind of bad at shipping #I'm never quite as invested as everyone else seems to be #But I also stick with a ship a lot longer than the average fan #Not sure why xD #I'm also known to both write and read for ships I don't ship #Just because I think it's fun or fascinating #But people usually assume that because I read or write for them I MUST ship it #To be fair #I sometimes DO end up shipping it eventually #But like #I didn't technically ship Winteriron when I started writing Autonomy #I just wanted to try it x'D #(blasphemy I know)#But that's one of those that I would say I ship now #But it actually took a while

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shadowdianne · 1 year ago

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Twenty questions for fic writers

(I guess I still am that xd let's see)

thank you for the tag love @waknatious

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Uhhh, this one will always be tricky lol; not every fic I ever wrote is on a03 as I did a lot of posting here that I considered too short to be posted back in a03 -i bothered y'all enough whenever I posted the fic batches there with those fics that were longer than... I think my inner rule was 1k?- so even if in reality I think the total sum between my two pseuds is close to 500 and something some of the old fics got deleted when i cleaned up shop and then there are more that are somewhat lost in here. So, let's just say that I have a ton of those visible on a03 and there's a bunch more that are, as my name suggests, in the shadows :P

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

Again, tricky question xd But working with the numbers I currently can see and are visible for those that would want to check... 1,259,402 That doesn't sound right. heh *shrugs*

Edit: Ah, I think the reason why the number sounds weird is because the last time I did this question I still had like 15 or so I've ever since deleted. Plus some others so, again, the number is decieving.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

*Slight correction; wrote for* majority would be SQ as we know. Sprinkled with a little bit of SC, Shannara Chronicles, Rizzles... but the main ship and therefore fandom was SQ

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I've decided to not look into those stats xD Sorry. Last time i got this ask I did it and it only reinforced the little burn out gnome of how I wasn't good enough; my works were read and I was requested prompts long enough to know I was somewhat liked on some obscure basis but I never had that much luck on the kudos department. I believe that the fics at the time I last checked were SC, maaaybe Sabrina (?) -the one vaguely smutty pertaining Madame Zelda was uploaded there I believe(????) so it might have been that one, and some other one that wasn't about the main ship I wrote for. (the 100 one maybe?)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Back when I wrote and posted I did, yes. If at some point I missed a comment it might have been because I was swamped at the time with uni and work and I might have been far too focused on getting out the next prompt batch I was working on at the time but 99% of the time I responded to every single comment. I appreciate the feedback aspect of fandom, be that a reblog, share, comment or kudo or whatever other form and for those that commented, i hope you know that as much as I loved to tease you and generally torment you with my purple prose, i appreciated every second spent on leaving a comment.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

*snorts* I have a bunch. I don't remember all of them like I used to but I think that I liked the ones I did back when we were loving the concept of a Dark Swan and I kept on having both Emma and Regina battle each other in the middle of Storybrook. There are a couple in which I know I killed either Emma or Regina in a very fantastical way :P Oh, and then there's the one I did with... was it Emma? Dying at the hospital. One that was an answer to Del's prompt that I decided to focus on the whole concept of the hospital bed. I think that one, for a variety of reasons, is the angstiest in terms of how it was thought off and written.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uh. I honestly don't think I have a factual answer there; my fics were always written as sort of small windows into the worlds presented on them. As I never quite did long format fics there was never a real "true" ending there. Dunno, does anyone remember what would they consider a happy ending from me? xd

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I did. Back when I wrote I always had a couple of trolls floating around on my tumblr inbox. I also had a couple more on the comment section but the main place was always tumblr. I sometimes shared the asks but I tended to erase the majority of them as soon as I saw them. The reason behind those asks is unfathomable to me but.... anyway xd I think i've written enough posts about how i felt about those lol.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

*snorts, again* I tend to focus on teasing. Or, I did. I think I will always prefer the concept of leaving as much as possible of the actual sexual act to the mind of the reader and just put the... frame of it if you will. I'e written pwp tho, small snippets here and there -and words of desire, that series in where i solely wrote a smutty scene based on the words I got sent- I enjoy the process of writing something that is about feelings and how can those be explored and heightened based on the scenario and situation but I always prefered, again, to be a tease about it xd

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

The only fic I've written that I think would constitute as a crossover would be the Lara Croft and Wonder Woman one. It was mostly a joke but I had fun with it. However, whereas I don't mind reading crossovers I always tended to stay away from them (Not AUs based on some other IPs tho, that's different xd). The main logic behind it was that I'm, first and foremost, worldbuild based so if I wanted to create a logical explanation for x, y, or z that alone would eat up a lot of the story itself. And I prided myself on being able to write stories under 2k or less soooooo....

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yup! But some minor ones in some of those sites that the whole thing was scrapped, comments and all and you got notified through fb groups xd Considering I've been MIA for so long I doubt anything has gotte since.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I got asked a couple of times and gave my consent to one once but I think it never went anywhere,

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've collaborated with other fic writers ^^ (@stregaomega for example was and will always be the very fucking best) and it was awesome! But I tended to move more in the -I write one chapter and you do the next one and then I answer to that other one...- kind of scenario.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

SQ for writing I guess!

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I wrote the end of almost all of the fics that I left unfinished by the time I went byebye on the whole thing but then my fantastic burn out considered the -even today I think is quite valid- angle on how "it's been long enough since I started them so no one will want to read those." I scrapped almost all of them. I think I'll always get slightly sad about not finishing a bunch of the AU's tho. The Ministry of Hidden Stories series for example! I always loved a good Steampunk. And that other one in which Regina was basically Queen Mab. The name is eluding me. Drat. Well, that one. I had like 80 or something pages on the continuation of that one. But, *points at the beginning of this* welp.

16. What are your writing strengths?

(Also, thanks W for the acknowledgment there lol; I always wanted for the description to feel 'real' <3) As I always said; I don't think I had any. But it's true that I always enjoyed much more the in-between as W has said in her own answer there xd The descriptive moments, the movement of the character, the way they are behaving and the words they are not saying. I always found that dialogue was... harder to keep OC or to the point enough to be engaging but focusing on what one is saying and what another one is understanding based on the way they perceive the world was way much more interesting. Which resulted in loooong descriptive paragraphs lol.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

*sighs* Dialogues.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Uhm xd As someone that speaks more than two languages and has written stories in their mother tongue as well as a bunch on others.... I think I'm not entirely against doing it but I don't think it's that easy to convey a true relationship with being able to speak in more than one language. It's often used as a way of informing the reader -or in pwp bc, yknow, hot- but the linguistic side of my brain will always be at odds with that in some way xd I'm basically all for it but I think that there are ways in where it can be a little bit clunky; depending on how it's presented.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I always doubt between Bellice (Bella and Alice from Twilight) and some lost Glee fic. And there were some from Sailor Moon and Card Captor Sakura... I think that the very first one you can find under my pseud is a Bellice one tho so let's stick with that.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Not the best but I'll always pick Metallic Ink for that question. I really had fun with the worldbuilding there and will always hate that I run out of time to basically write more for it as it was a SuperNova fic.

It's far too late right now to do a proper tag so I'll leave this here and return tomorrow and tag anyone I find :P

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changelingsandothernonsense · 1 year ago

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Wip but it's my Thursday

Tagged by @saltymaplesyrup tagging @mareenavee ( I know you're getting space but I said I was still tagging) @thequeenofthewinter @archangelsunited @snippetsrus @gilgamish @tallmatcha @kookaburra1701 @thana-topsy @orfeolookback @caliblorn Low effort 0 expectation, I know there's a lot of chaos running around but feel free to join in if you like. I have been procrastinating on study because I'm changing my major so I am out of steam on that. So I have um...too many wips in both the art section and the writing section. We have been doing SAD WARS and that means a lot of art and a lot of writing. Like I think I wrote 30K in a month XD ART First I have the Erra render that I've been working on. He's coming along.

Some Josh about to fuck up some Reavers. IDK I kinda just wanted to draw the Dwarven toe prosthesis which will be more visible if I ever line this lol. under the cut for the rest!

Pic of Yani too idk. Okay, Writing!

Going to post 3 snips because I've been jumping around wips. First is a section from Mortal Chill

Corprus? But…how? I stood and moved to try to pull the covers off of him, I don’t know what I was really trying to do here. I could not remove them myself. I- I guess I wanted those bandages removed so that I could see for myself. The tumours, the growths that twisted and deformed the body. The broken bones the-

Maera he was so thin, was it the wasting kind? All I could remember were stories of mad creatures that would come screaming out of the southern ash wastes at night. That they had a madness, that they ate the cursed flesh of their brethren. The Urshilaku would warn us every few years of another outbreak of blight. That it had started breaching the Ghostfence. My tribe did not much care for such things. The lore of our ancestors meant little amongst the Erabenimsun. Our Ashkhans were absolute rulers, our focus war and glory. The news of blight usually fell on deaf ears. Our Wise Woman’s warnings would often go unheeded. It was why my father had made that attempt on old Ulath-Pal’s life after all. Some sort of pact between my kin, the Ensirhaddon who bore most of the tribe’s farseers and mages and the Urshilaku and the Ilaba'andul-Sul family, who were the ruling clan of the northern wastes. It failed, and my kin were systematically executed one by one. I had fled the night my twin sister had her throat cut in her sleep. I was fifteen and utterly alone.

I had run into someone afflicted with blight somewhere around Piran. The wasting the growths. She was practically mad as she lashed out at me. I still have no idea how I had gotten away in the end. Maybe it is because I am forgetting so many things but I know that creature haunts me, Kiang.

Is this really to be my son’s fate?

You shuddered, turning to stroke our son’s cheek. Forty-six years since he was twelve. I guess I was trying to do the sum in my head, had never been good at that, resorting to counting the individual sections of my fingers instead. Three, six, twelve-

“Fifty-eight, Yani. He turned fifty-eight yesterday-I,” you let out a breath, shuddering once again, “I tried to summon you yesterday but- I don’t know why it didn’t work or-“

I couldn’t believe it, the last time I had heard your call and walked through the flames he was still a child, barely twenty-two! You reached for me, your hands on either side of my ruined face. Torn and beaten from the rubble that had entombed me. My ear missing, torn at some point. My face ripped from the razor edge of debris that I had not seen. My throat slashed to such a point that the grizzled meat was visible. It is why I cannot speak.

I was only thirty-one when I had died, barely grown myself. Maera I’ve missed so much.

The second is from Ahzidal's Descent

“Greave,” she held out her hand again, “Teldryn I need it to keep the splint in place.”

He grumbled a little as he reached out behind him, handing her the light, chitinous plate. The surface was a marbled green and beige that dully reflected the sunlight. It had something carved into its underside. Something in what looked like Dunmeris but she honestly couldn’t tell. Sydari untangled the netch leather straps and placed the chitin on top of his shin.

“Tel, I’m going to have to lift this again,” she said as she lightly prodded his shin.

“Do I have to wear it?” He groaned, scratching the back of his head, “I’m pretty sure that’s what irritated it in the first place. Thing was fine this morning.” He shrugged.

Sydari exhaled slowly. Of course, he’d blame the only thing that was supporting his leg! It couldn’t possibly be the fact that he chose to scale this dune! She lifted his leg and started securing the chitin greave to his shin, maybe a little too roughly.

“N'chow! Now I know you did that on purpose!” Teldryn protested, he began to fiddle with the leather strap of his goggles.

“You don’t think that maybe you aggravated your leg by climbing up a cliff?” Sydari pinched the bridge of her nose, “You didn’t even bother to properly brace it!”

“It was fine this morning when I took it off,” Teldryn hunched over his left knee and exhaled sharply, “Thing interferes with my prosthesis, I told you. Plus, I really felt fine this morning, Sydari.”

“You’re not supposed to be taking it off yet Teldryn,” Sydari began to search her pack again, pulling out another small vial, this one filled with a red viscous liquid that leaned violet in the sunlight. Tinged by the minuscule edition of Sleeping Tree Sap. It would dull the pain but make his comedown from the stamina tonic a lot harsher.

“What’s that?” Teldryn asked.

Sydari shook the bottle a little, “It dulls pain.”

Teldryn tilted his head, “Didn’t I just take one of those?”

Sydari shook her head, “No, this one is a bit different, stronger,” she handed him the glass vial, “Just don’t drink all of it, it contains a sedative.”

Teldryn raised an eyebrow, “What kind of sedative?”

Sydari sighed, “It’s a type of sap from this tree in Whiterun Hold, it’s um…”

Teldryn chortled, “Say no more hla’Miluth, say no more,” he raised the small bottle to his lips and took a small sip, “tastes like shit though,” he smiled and handed the mostly full vial back to her.

“You think everything does,” Sydari replied as she replaced the stopped and returned the vial to her pack.

She stood up and offered Teldryn her hand, “Come on, let's get you back to the Netch.”

“Aww come on Miluth!” Teldryn frowned, “It’s just over this ridge, we’re so close. Why go back now?”

Sydari pulled her pack over her shoulder and offered him her hand again, “Because you’re not making it up that hill, not in your wildest dreams.”

And finally a bit from Kagrumez Gauntlet

I took a few steps back, dagger still readied…just in case. The specter reached out.

“It is okay, Dumu, I mean you no harm,” there was an echo to his voice as well, as if he was both far away and far too close. I wonder if that is why he never spoke last time.

“Wha-“I stammered, I had no idea what any of this was.

He held up a hand and shook his head, “Does your Ata know you have that?”

I slowly lowered your dagger, putting it away. I shook my head at the ghost.

He sighed, “Nervyna, these places are death traps for the best of us. You cannot be messing around in here.”

I pouted, “Ata said he’d take me down here to help with his research. We were supposed to be here together but he ditched me with my cousins and came here himself,” I folded my arms, “It’s not fair!”

The ghost shook his head, his hair almost floating around him, “Oh Dumu, I am sure he had good reason. It is a new place, yes?”

I nodded, “That’s why we were going to come down here together,” I told the ghost, “then all of a sudden he decides ‘No! It’s time to go visit your cousins!’” I mimicked your gruff tone as best as I could. It made the ghost laugh.

“Ah, I think I know what is wrong, Nervyna,” the ghost smiled, “Your Ata found that down here, I do not think he wants one of these ambushing the two of you.”

I looked back at the metal mer that lay battered and broken, melted to the floor. Did he see this thing and run? I sighed, “So he saw this thing and ran away? It’s dead. Creepy but it’s dead.”

The ghost approached the broken hunk of metal and knelt over it, “Nervyna, your Ata does not run from these things. This is his doing.”

I walked over to where the ghost was kneeling, standing on the opposite side of the twisted metal mer, “how would you know that? I don’t even know who you are?”

The ghost furrowed his brow or tried to, the long scar that cut across his face seemed to make it hard, even in this form, “Nervyna, I have known your Ata for a very long time. More than he would probably care to admit. I know how he attacks these things. I have seen him do it many times. Dumu I know your Ata took down this metal mer because I do not know anyone else who can melt this kind of metal.”

I stared at the thing’s melted surface. It reminded me a little too much of how an ice mer melts during the early spring thaw. Like the ones that you would build with me whenever snow fell on the mountains to the north of the island. You hated the cold but you would take me up there every year so that we could make one. This wasn’t making any sense.

“I haven't seen Ata so much as take down a slaughterfish let alone whatever this thing is,” I stood and stomped back towards the stairs that lead further into the ruin.

“Nervyna! Wait!” the ghost called back as I descended the stairs. I replenished the light I had summoned with some of my magicka, just like you showed me. ‘Imagine you can make the light stronger with just one touch,’ I had finally started getting the hang of doing that.

The ghost reformed in front of me as I entered a colossal chamber. The whole place buzzing and whirring with that magical steam you always talked about. He frowned at me, bow gripped tightly in his ethereal fist.

“Please do not run off like that. I can not protect you if you move too far away from me,” he cautioned, though his tone was even and calm, I could tell there was a slight hint of annoyance there.

“I never asked for your protection, ghost. I don’t even know who you are,” I grit my teeth, I never summoned any ancestor ghost. I don’t even know that spell yet!

The ghost blinked at me before sighing, “That is my fault, I forget that you do know what I look like. I am Erra, I was-“

“You’re Aya’s uncle!” I interrupted, I had heard of him before. I had heard of him a lot, in fact. You had called him by the same words that you used for Alma.

For a brief moment, I thought I saw the ghost frown. He smiled again and nodded, “Yes, that is it.”

#my art #my writing #my wips #teldryn sero #danger!josh #Erra Ilaba'andul #Nervyna Sero #sydari aralen #dunmer #skyrim #morrowind #the elder scrolls #tesblr #nerevarine #last dragonborn #tes #tes fanart #tes fic

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sunmoonjune · 2 years ago

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Moonie !

Ok, so I read in chap 14 like in hwa's bow, the little intricate designs of ateez and bug, and I was really curious about what we're the design for each member since we only that the mountain is san's and the dragonfly is bug's, I'm sorry I'm just really curious😭😭😭 also I really thought that bug's also included her mouth so I always imagined that the worse scars was on her like mouth area (and I lowkey forget how bug is not gn character you just write her so good) also don't rush with the updates moonie take ur time lovely ! <3

Lovely! <3

ok listen this actually might be a little embarrassing, but the reason I didn't list the other's symbols is because I was having trouble coming up with them xD I wanted to add them all at some point tho so it is on my list to go back and put them in!! (I have a long list of things I want to change and add for the final draft of this!)

I originally thought to add the ruby on the hilt of hongjoong's sword as his design, but the jewel isn't supposed to necessarily be a good memory of our captain's past, so I changed my mind (you'll get to see more of this in the future! ;)) )

Yeosang's was going to be honeycomb or something similar too, but I think that the 'honey' idea surrounding Yeosang was something that Bug associated with him so Seonghwa would have something else for him,, if that makes sense?

I also didn't want their symbols to just be their weapons cause I know I associate Yun with his axe and Mingi with his claymore and such but I wanted them to be a little more meaningful :> I also nearly made Yunho's design his three rings that are now in Bug's hair because I think Yun probably would have told Ateez the story of how he got them even tho he doesn't have them anymore (again more backstory on this in the future >:D )

if you have any ideas for them send them my way!! I've been brainstorming but I don't have anything decided yet :D

also!! originally she was going to have scars closer to her mouth but I wasn't sure how the mask would work to cover those too so she doesn't necessarily have any there. her mask does come close down to her lips tho - like the edge often digs into her upper lip and the corner of her mouth, so there is something underneath that gets close to it!

(and also this is another spoiler but bug's gender will actually come into play in the future cause it's an important part of her backstory ;) I think that is the only part that will ever really reference her gender tho! I usually try to write in second person to keep things gender neutral, but I still tag my work as fem! in case I slip up somewhere as I'm used to writing with myself in mind)

and thank you my dear <33 I'm writing more today!! I am very excited to continue so I hope to finish chapter fifteen soon :3 <3

#moonie speaks #like the moon #moonie's anons #like the moon spoilers

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lochrannn · 2 years ago

Note

For the fic writer meme...damn, those are all questions I'd like to ask! Okay: 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 - and one of your choosing, if you want. :D

You glutton XP (Also thanks for DMing me those [insert fic]s)

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

[AU-gust | August Writing Challenge (29)]

I'm skipping the first one, cause it doesn't really count XD

Established Relationship (16)

Canon-Typical Violence (16)

One Shot (12)

Porn with Feelings (12)

Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot (11)

I'm surprised at "Canon-Typical Violence" and not at all surprised at everyting else XP

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

Porn with feelings definitely is one. Generally, because I've only ever written for Diego/Lila and they're a horny tactile pair, I've got a lot of furtive looks and needy kisses happening. Also, considering in canon, very little has stopped them from just being very in love with each other all the time, even when inconvenient, and being pretty open about it, I like to throw a wrench in in my fic and make them suffer while being in love. ( •̀ᴗ•́ )

4. What detail in The Night me and Your Mama met are you really proud of?

In the second to last chapter Diego and Lila have a neighbourhood BBQ going on and it’s all very domestic and nice but it’s told from Lila’s POV (3rd person, but ykwim) and she is at the same time treating the whole thing like a spy operation, excelling at normie conversation, scoffing at clichés like housewives getting off while sitting on the washing machine, while at the same time (unreliable pov character that she is) she’s actually really in to all of it. She loves watching Diego being neighbourhood dad, and how much fun their kid is having (when she’s not upset about toppled ice-cream), actually getting off on top of the washing machine (okay, this one might be helped by the fact that Diego is there XP). And it’s just, I enjoy sticking to these character traits that I assume about them, for instance Lila being constantly unsure about whether she’s cut out for normal life, but not going route one with them.

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about Kiss with a Fist? Answer it now!

I think I’d like to be asked some variation on whether I think they’re doing okay.

So, in Kiss with a fist, LIla’s having a bad day and then comes in to Diego’s gym to do a self defense class, some things go wrong her frustration spikes and after Diego is being a bit of a dick they end up having an actually hand to hand combat fight which ends with them making out and more. At this point they have an established relationship and I wrote this after s2.

And my answer to are they doing okay here, despite the fact that Lila lets out her frustration in a fight with Diego is, yeah, I think they’re doing okay and I think it’s the same thing the writers tapped into with Lila slapping Diego whenever she’s both frustrated with and overwhelmed with how much she loves him, and why I think Diego doesn’t just roll with it but sort of understands what she’s trying and failing to communicate (maybe a little badly, but going off of every single one of Diego’s reactions post initial slap in s2, he really, really doesn’t mind, more like the opposite). (That or she’s experiencing cute aggression XP)

Do they have unconventional methods? Yeah, are they maybe bad communicators if anyone else was involved in this thing? Yeah, I’m pretty sure this is one of many reasons why Diego and Patch couldn’t work out. Is it strangely perfect for them and are they soulmates? Weirdly, yes.

6. What’s one fact about the universe of the Space AU that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself?

Lol, you don’t understand what a mediocre writer I am XD

In the same way I can’t visualise, I also don’t really do much world building beyond what I actually write down. If you were to go through that automatic star treck-y sliding door, you’d very quickly realise you’re on a sound stage. Ignore the wires holding Lila up as she spins around in zero G and all that XD.

But there is a detail I only ever implied and that is that in this universe where AI Robots with a Civil Rights movement exist, Diego was totally also a mama’s boy for Robot Mom, but something happened to her and she’s no longer around (like, I’m not being vague or coy, I have not fleshed out what happened to her, but this Diego also lost his Robot Mommy and is still sad about it).

Okay, that was fun! Good questions! Thanks for playing along!

More questions here

#ask meme #otp: just be gentle #otp: i'm the daddy here - yeah you are #lila pitts #diego hargreeves #dielila #dilila #diego x lila #diego/lila

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katsuki-goodness · 3 years ago

Text

<= Part 4 =>

Summary: If he wanted to come, he could have.

Tagged: @todosweetheart @afuckingunicornn

A/N: It's been a while since I wrote anything so I'm sorry for the inconsistencies. I made sure to look over it so I am hoping everything is okay lol Also, Val, I had forgotten you changed your name XD But I hope you enjoy this regardless. My writing isn't what it use to be but I only write when I feel in the mood so I hope you both enjoy this, and everyone else too~

"She is bruising up! She is losing too much blood! Y/n! Please!"

"Deku...!" Izuku stood up in front of his classmates, looking out to the stadium below where your body was lying motionless for everyone to see. You had not been hit by Todoroki regardless if that was the intention. He was trying to win and you had the same excuse, but you pushed yourself. You couldn't get a single scratch on him until he had assumed that he won. You were able to put him in the ground but he rolled away in time before you had the chance to smash him into the rocky floor. Your body began to wear out, your arms were giving up as they began to loosen upon you and that's when you began feeling wet. Something felt weird but it wasn't the water of any sort that was covering your arms, but the blood that was forming inside your arms. They began to bruise but you didn't think much of it and used your quirk to attack him again.

It took just a few seconds for you to feel the sharp pain, making you fall over and whale in pain. You had pushed yourself so hard that it popped some blood vessels and tore a ligament in your shoulder. Todoroki looked panicked but he didn't know what to do. Izuku quickly screamed out in fear, calling your name as the teachers stopped the match. Katsuki stood up from his seat, his eyes in utter shock. This couldn't be happening to me is what he thought, and his anger took over more and more until he jumped down to the lower levels to get to you. You were picked up and getting ready to be taken away but he caught up, his eyes angry, watering as if he felt like he was going to lose you.

"You damn idiot! Why the hell would you push yourself so hard, huh?!" His voice cracking but he continued to keep his anger to topple his worry and sadness.

"Bakugou, please, go back to your seat," Nightmare had asked which got ignored by the blonde.

"Were you trying to prove a fucken point by what, hurting yourself?!" He got closer to you, the stretcher holding your limp body. He was stopped by Todoroki who only held him back with a hand on his shoulder. The blonde looked back with blind rage but the heterochromatic eyes that looked back at him told him to calm down and that's all it took for Katsuki to growl under his breath and leave the stadium.

You were quickly rushed to Recovery Girl and were diagnosed. You had to rest in bed for quite a while until your arms could properly heal. Since popping a vessel can be healed in short of a few days with the help of medical professionals, what will be a hassle would be the shoulder that you tore. It wasn't a massive tear but it wasn't something that shouldn't be taken lightly. After all, you should have lost both your arms if they tore even more, and no thanks to you who wanted to push yourself against Todoroki. Really, it might have sucked but you tried.

Your thoughts might have been running a lot but they all stopped once you blacked out, and once you woke up again, they came back. The headache was intolerable making tears roll down your eyes as if they paused until your mind was able to process what was happening.

The first thing you saw was the walls. You recognized them. Of course, you felt stiff and a lot more pain than you anticipated, but at least the silence got you to sigh in relief.

"It seems like I couldn't make it, huh," You had asked yourself with a sigh coming right after. You wondered if Todoroki was disappointed in his victory or was he glad about it. There was no reason for him to not be glad but what do you know. I'm sure as heck that I don't.

A sudden sound of a door sliding open caught your attention. You assumed it was Recovery Girl but the familiar green hair and expression made your eyes soften, remembering how those same eyes were still very much the same as the ones looking back at you right now.

"Your arms," He had said, walking in and closing the door behind him, his eyes still trailing the bandages on your arms. Your smile was forced but you did it to not worrying him which only made him worry even more.

"I'm okay. I was told to rest. My arms aren't as bad as they seem.” If you moved then maybe the pain will come back for a split second. It felt a bit suffocating to feel Izuku here but who else was going to come aside from your classmates?

“Y/n, you’ve been noticeably pushing yourself and you make it seem like everything is okay.”

“Because everything is okay.”

“But you’re hurt, Y/n. Do you not see that?” Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to push your limits in this case even when it is just for fun. Has it ever stopped Izuku from doing the same? You watched him how he destroyed himself just to make a point and win against Todoroki but he lost, and his wounds were more severe than you’d had seen. You don’t know how the boy in front of you got a quirk but he did and he was now telling you the same advice you were sure he was told.

“How about you take your own advice, Izuku,” You had told him, a soft sigh escaping your lips. “I understand you are worried but I’m fine. Really.” You were able to tell that he was not satisfied with your response. He walked closer to you and sat at the chair that was near your bed. It was only there because Recovery Girl was talking to you as she made sure you were okay. You had focused on the boy, not realizing that he had begun to talk again.

“I understand how you feel about Kaachan but he is truly is worried about you.”

“I can’t really say that’s true when he doesn’t show his feelings towards anyone. All he does is get angry.” It went silent again and neither one of you said a single thing, not even when Izuku left the room to let you rest. Your thoughts were cloudy and you weren't sure if the only reason you felt like that was because Izuku came to see you. He mentioned Katsuki knowing that you felt some sort of way about him. Of course, he knew.

It had been a while of just sitting around, seeing a lot of your classmate enter and disappear, going back to the probably rowdy lunch room. You were astonished by the student coming in and out, questioning you whether or not you were okay. Your sadden eyes took notice of the look on some of their faces, showing signs of worry and you hadn't felt cared for in this way for a long time. It was even more apparent in Izuku's eyes, the way his lips tried turning upright into a smile but quickly turned into a frown.

Going through the many possibilities of what to do as you rested, the groans came out each time you tried adjusting yourself, your arms aching, becoming stiff when you moved them on top of your lap. It was getting late at this point, noticing that the sun outside was now setting, the beautiful oranges and pinks painting the sky. It looked very out of the ordinary but it was beautiful nonetheless. In the short time it took you to be mesmerized, recovery girl had entered the room, her clipboard in hand and someone else following her. It was Todoroki and Kirishima, looking guilty and you right away noticed it. You wondered if they were gonna apologize when it wasn't even their faults.

"Heyy," Kirishima's nervous voice elongating his greeting. Todoroki didn't say anything but you meeting his eyes was enough of a greeting to you. "How're you feeling?" The red headed added, coming closer to the bed with Todoroki trailing behind him.

"I'm okay. I should recover pretty soon," You answered with a soft smile.

"Was it serious?" Todoroki was the one to ask this time, and you tilted your head slightly to the side.

"In a way? But I'm fine." Your short responses only gave the boys knots in their stomach. Kirishima wasn't here for himself but he also wanted to apologize to you, remembering that the reason he was here was because of Bakugou.

"Hey, um, I'm sorry you ended up like this. I'm also sorry Bakugou caused a scene."

You shook your head. "I'm used to it. I've known him for years. It's not the first time he caused a scene like that especially in front of that many people."

Kirishima gave you a small smile, and rub the back of his neck. "I actually came on behalf of Bakugou. He was suppose to come but he didn't have the courage to do so. I'm sorry, he said he didn't want to but knowing him, I know it's because he's too shy."

Katsuki? Shy? Since when? You were completely confused but you felt as if asking would just make you sound dumb. The blonde was an aggressive Pomeranian who never thought and just acted on his feelings. You couldn't remember much of what happened but you heard his voice, and it was worrisome, which troubled you greatly. Nonetheless, you didn’t want to get your hopes up when it came to Bakugou. It will turn bad if your hopes just became that, hope.

You shook your head in disbelief and lightly smiled to Katsuki’s friend, making him a bit nervous when you tried adjusting yourself. “By the way, who won?” Both boys looked at each other, and Kirishima decided to respond for the both of them.

“It should be a given. He won a second time in a row.” You didn’t know whether to jump in joy , and even the faces of the boys seem off to you that it felt like they wanted you to be happy for the guy. You told yourself that you shouldn’t be but… maybe this time-

“I’m… glad he won.” It should have been convincing enough, but maybe not entirely, either way, Todoroki and Kirishima took the hint and didn’t press on, their now nervous expressions becoming softer. After the awkward silence, Kirishima smiled and reassured you that everything with Bakugou will be okay. Todoroki didn’t really know how to say goodbye so he nodded with a light blush, walking out before Kirishima. They were gone and the room became quiet again.

You hadn’t realized that you had been holding your breath, exhaling and letting the heaviness of your heart finally deplete as you laid back into your pillow. “Am I really glad he won?”

You had left the infirmary with a brace holding your arm in place. You went home with you parents, walking into your room and sitting on your bed with your mind very much occupied with the events that happened today. You looked around with your eyes pinpointing a small plush that was gifted to you at a young age. It was nothing too weird, just a regular cat plush that a particular blonde had gifted to you. He was sweet back in middle school, even if he was bullying Deku all the time.

You walked over to it, looking it over and inspecting it with the saddest eyes and smile. You let it go, playing it next to your old instruments you don’t play anymore. It will gather up dust if it stays there, but that’s okay. You felt like this was better than letting him get to your head. He rarely came to you unless it was to fight and argue, and even Deku was no exception. They aren’t your friends anymore, but you’re glad they are striving, and you have to do the same.

#bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugou #bnha #mha

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hoopdiddies · 6 years ago

Text

I'm Not Over You //Ben Hardy x Reader (Part 9)

A/N: All the fact checking had me reeling to be honest and this is one long-ass chapter, longer than the one where I said 'it's the longest I've written' but actually this wins the competition. I've used some lyrics from the song Photograph cos I felt like it would go nicely with the flow plus I am weak with hospital scenes because of the distresses that occur within it but I tried ya know ¯_(ツ)_/¯ It's a little messy and dramatic on a side note because I had to deal with some outside disturbances as well and my mind was on other things 😔 But again, thank you guys for supporting this series! Your feedbacks mean a lot ♥ Tag list is always open!! (seriously, I need more people to tag xd)

Summary: You had always loved Ben ever since you the two of you met in university and became the best of friends. That feeling went out like a candle flame when you parted ways until he re-entered your life...but this time with someone who has already occupied his heart.

Warnings: That angst from 8? Yeah, it just upgraded, fluff if you, like, use a microscope, explicit description of blood and injuries, swearing but I kept it to a minimum, mentions of death but there's actually no death. Melodrama, ig? Sorry, I had a hard time writing consistently this week ^^'

WC: 6.5k (Someone got carried away.)

Tags: @haendel-me-with-care

@mrsdoradominguez-barnes

@mickmoon

@lakef

@mrsmazzello

@valeriecarolinaw

@queen-turtle-boiii

@loveandbeloved29

@hardzzellos

Parts: 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

"Someone please help! Help us! "

"Bloody bastard just drove off without even stopping! "

"Are you fu- you left your phone?! He's barely clinging on to life!! Ask a random person to dial 911!"

"Oh god, what- what do we do- his head, his freaking head! There is so much blood right now!"

"D-don't move his neck! He's critical!"

"Rosy. Rosy. Calm down...he has to be fine..he should be... "

"An ambulance is on its way!"

"His head is fucking bloody! Do you even want- fuck! Someone help here! Someone, please help! "

"Is he even breathing?! "

"Oh god, Y/N! He's not- he's not! "

"You better not be joking around!"

"Joe! He is bloody dying and you think I'm fucking joking?!"

"He has no pulse as well..."

"I got to- I have to make an attempt to resuscitate him. "

"Are you sure?"

"We're not waiting for that goddamn vehicle! If I don't do it, he's going to die!"

"Wake up, Ben! Please, wake up..."

Blur. That's what everything was. A huge, uncoordinated, focal blur. A sea of people had crowded the scene like a flock of sheep ready to graze on the pasture, except the only green they had for their eyes was the sight of six, dreadful friends taking it in their hands to keep the seventh one grounded while they wait for professional help.

The ones with flashing cameras hoisted up high to document the scene disgusted you down to the pits of your stomach and you had wished for them to scatter away. You all, especially you had to bear the agony of seeing him motionless on the asphalt ground– without breath, skin drained of color while the only color highlighted in the spectrum was the copious but graphic amount of blood that had tainted the spot he was lying in– his hair coated in the sticky, sanguinary puddle, creating a traumatizing mix of blond and deep red that you now couldn't forget. The tears pricking from your eyes when you had given him mouth to mouth mingling with his bleeding forehead.

He had lost all consciousness at a maximum.

You had ached to cradle his body right there and then but had you acted on impulse; it would've worsened the situation.

Medics had filled in the scene seconds after you had given Ben a well-thought out CPR undeterred by your raging adrenaline. He was then brought into the ambulance with Rosy tagging along to be there when they rush him into the ER. You had gone after with the others in Gwilym's car, your shaking hands coated with drying blood -his drying blood- as you made your way to the hospital in a blistering cruise.

You're still in your dress, only topped with Joe's designer blazer to shield you from the cold and a warm, half-empty cup of brew situated between your palms partially substituting the natural heat of your skin, waiting quietly in the lounging room. They had transferred Ben to a private room after performing an operation on his head and scanning him afterwards. One of the emergency doctors remarked that if it weren't for your initiative to follow first aid protocol and give him immediate resuscitation before help had arrived– he would have gone ten minutes early.

You've been waiting an hour and a half for the doctor to step out of the room and deliver the news about his condition. And while you do that, Joe and Lucy have gone off to collect a fresh pair of clothing from the hotel for you to change into. Rosy is stood at the entrance making some calls, Gwilym and Rami have gone back to their respective hotels to change clothes and come back for the news.

You felt light hearing that comment but it's nothing compared to the aftermath of the accident. It was a hit-and-run and the driver didn't even step on his breaks or bother to stop to take responsibility.

Rami's blazer that had been used to delay Ben's bleeding has been given back to him for dry cleaning. To complicate the situation, you're supposed to be boarded on a plane back to England eight hours from now yet that's something you have to cross out from the bucket list, entirely. You're not going anywhere unless Ben heaves out a single sigh of life.

Not a single step out the fucking institution unless he opens those eyes.

Unless he parts his lips.

Unless he says your name.

You owe it to him for saving your life, nearly costing his.

And it's just 2 in the morning.

You put down the cup on the space next to you, bringing your hands up to your lowered head, underneath your eyes watering from all of that's happened tonight.

"We're back." Two figures stand before you minutes after your eyelids have fluttered shut in despair. You lift your head to be met with Joe and Lucy in their casual clothes, smiling sadly at you with paperbags in hand.

You return that smile with a much weaker one. They settle the bags down and Joe sinks down on one knee in front of you, taking your face in his hands gently while he peeks up at you. "I see the news isn't out yet. You can change, we'll take care of it."

"You sure?" You mumble quietly. He nods and you prolong a sigh as you sit up, getting tenderly lulled into a hug by Lucy. "He's gonna be okay." She expresses definitely as she rubs your back. You thank her for the reassurance before taking one of the bags that contains your clothes.

Pulling the hem of your sweatshirt in place, you couldn't wait to escape the lavatory. It smells of newly applied bleach and the pungent odor is plain nauseating. You close the door with the bag in hand on your way out but freeze in your spot as a certain, exclusive news breaks out in the TV screen above you.

"Just 10pm tonight, Bohemian Rhapsody and EastEnders star, Ben Hardy, has reportedly been gravely involved and injured in a hit-and-run just outside of Wallis Annenberg Center during the ongoing Vanity Fair after party. Sources said that he had dashed headlong down the traffic-jammed streets to what they said was an attempt to save co-star's, Joe Mazzello, date from an incoming vehicle– which he had succeeded in as he failed to save himself–" The rest of the news anchor's words go unprocessed in your head as you hurriedly trace your way back to the lounging area, unwilling to hear recurring reports at yours or anyone's expense.

It already hurts enough that you think it's partly your fault for acting so careless.

By now, the attending physician should be out and conveying the news to Lucy and Joe and as you arrive– he is, hands in his lab coat pockets, informing them in the most serious of tones.

They see you approaching and you ask immediately, words stumbling out of your mouth like perceivable beats. "Doc, how is he? How's Ben?"

With Lucy and Joe already informed about it, the doctor decides to tell you himself to save them the hassle. "He should be fine soon. However I must be frank with you, miss," your heart loses a beat for a fraction of a second at the suspense rising, "he flat lined twice in the ER. It took three sets of defibs to get his heart beating again." Hearing him break to you that Ben was a simple step away from death as they tried to treat him drains the warm color palette in your face, even with the affirmation that he's going to be alright; knowing there were two moments in which he had slipped in and out of life at the same time just upsets your stomach.

The doctor continues with his report, telling you that he's suffered from a mild to severe head trauma caused by the blunt force when he had his scalp dragged along the asphalt. Apparently he fissured the the near front of his skull and underwent neurosurgery for it. You quickly get the idea, having studied a series of medical topics of course, but it doesn't invalidate the fact that it still sounds like a bad thing.

The doctor sighs and adds. "Although he bled internally at a minimum, he's lucky to have bled externally for the most part."

Forming a steeple of your fingers and stealing a quick glimpse of Lucy and Joe, you gulp hard. "How long 'til he wakes up?"

"I'd say in about 48 hours. His scan results after the surgery showed promise for a stable recovery though he might wake up a little dazed at first due to the moderate concussion," at least you're getting the assurance that he's waking up, "your friend has a thick skull. He'll recover in time, but with short-term effects."

48 hours. Not enough time for you to stay or leave.

"Can we see him? Right now?" Setting your expectations to the highest, you ask with a glimmer of hope and the doctor approves, minding you to turn down the lights in the room as Ben would likely be sensitive to it by the time he wakes. "A nurse will come by and check on him every once in a while as well."

You nod weakly, thanking him professionally as you gradually hang your head in disappointment. He wishes Ben a speedy recovery before turning on his heels, leaving you to it.

Lucy brings her short hair up in a pigtail, asking as she lifts up her share of the paper bags. "Are we going in now? I mean, the doc said we're able to." She vaguely points at the door of the room and you and Joe swap looks before deciding on it. You collect your items from the seats and draw in breaths as you follow suit, stepping into the room and being welcomed by the almost odorless whiff of paint and medicine; along with the light to moderate blow of the air conditioner.

As the door clicks close, you stand motionless yet internally trembling at the heartbreaking sight of Ben lying unresponsive, surrounded by various machines working to keep him alive. Flanking his bed are the heart monitor -fully functional- and a medical ventilator from which he is breathing from. He's hooked up to an IV bag with a breathing tube put into his mouth, his left arm is propped upon his abdomen but protected around a plaster and supported within a blue arm sling and lastly, his head is wrapped in a layer of roller bandage– the giveaway of his major injury.

"Y/N..." Joe cooing breaks you off from your vacant gaze but you hand him a forlorn eye as bring yourself to Ben's side, glancing over his limp body. He's taken quite a hit to have fractured his arm like this. His complexion didn't appear as livid as it is now and marking his bottom lip -which has lost that luscious red tint as well- is a small bruise, parted from his upper lip as he involuntarily breathes through the tube in his mouth. You don't hear his slow exhales but the normal rise and fall of his chest consoles a small part of you; the stable beeping of the heart monitor being the only occuring noise in the room. Concerned with how awfully quiet you've gone, Lucy and Joe give each other fitting looks as they share the same thought on the situation. As one of them begins to step close to ensure you're taking it well, you pipe up before them, your once honey-laced voice diminished to a monotone. "It's...not my fault."

"Of course, it's not," Lucy, being the one who has taken that step close, tenderly agrees but you add.

"It's not but it feels like it is."

Now Joe steps up next but stop as you add once more.

"And I told him I wanted to forget him and for him to do the same." Now some tears are inevitable.

"Y/N-"

"As impractical as it is to think about it now, but what if he does?" your hand has now hovered over him, the nerves of the pads of your fingers itching to skim themselves over his free hand, "I don't want to go. But I have to and he's still not gonna wake up by the time I leave."

His condition just yearns for your touch but you don't want to lay a hand on him just yet, out of the fear that you might hurt a small part of him.

Joe sighs softly as he puts his hands on your shoulders, rubbing them with ease. "Why don't you just email the institution about it? Tell them you're gonna have to delay because of an urgent matter."

"I can do that, but only a day after. I can't take long."

"Rami and Gwilym are on their way," Lucy reminds as she gets off her phone from messaging them, "with some food and water."

"None of us are burning the midnight oil then," Joe stretches his limbs and returns to the couch to take a moment to relax, eyes snapping wide as he remembers something. "By the way, Y/N. If you spilled your heart out to him earlier, did you include the bit where our relationship was all but pretend?"

Surely the stare you and Lucy are sharing towards him could render the atmosphere painful but you answer regardless of the topic, shaking your head as you turn your attention to Ben once more. "No. But he's bound to question it. That is if he remembers what happened."

Lucy rests her hand on her hip as she glances at the heart monitor, the waves tempting her eyes to follow them. "Doctor never implied anything about amnesia."

The three of you fall silent again with you locking your gaze at the man who didn't want to let you go. Who chased you down a busy highway knowing he'd bite the dust if he did and ended up saving you at the expense of his own well-being.

And life.

And his own soul.

He'll recover in a short period, yes. But when you had gently grazed your trembling hand over his bloodied head in the middle of the street, it was as if he was bound to never wake up. A visual you want to shake off for the sake of composure.

Joe and Lucy take notice of your stilled silence again, their expressions low-spirited. Taking small steps towards you, Lucy wraps her arms around your shoulders from behind and pulls out a certain object from her back pocket, slipping it to you. "Found this in the inner pocket of Ben's tainted blazer when the doctors gave his clothes to us."

You cast your gaze to what she's holding and hear your heart shatter at what it is. You slowly take it from her and sweep your thumb over it.

Ben's share of your Homecoming picture.

And behind it, the same date and continuation of what was written on your half.

You piece it in your mind and feel your eyes cloud with tears, a droplet making a small patter as it lands on the polaroid.

He kept it. In his blazer. He brought it along with him.

_I'm not going... anywhere at all. _

"But I am." You mutter as opposed to the words in your head. For as long as you love him and he doesn't in the way you do, distancing yourself is something that needs to be done to make sure you finally let go. You'd stick around but it would further fragment your soul.

Just in time to tear you from reaching your breakfing point, the door creaks open to two men and a red-haired woman, two of whom are grasping paper bags containing some food and water and one with an overwrought look, respectively.

Lucy leaves your side and walks over to Rami's, kissing his cheek and helping them unload their items on the coffee table. Gwilym gives the three of you, and Rosy who had followed in behind them, an individual hug– asking you about Ben's condition as he lays eyes on him.

You assure him of a smooth recovery and it unknots the lump of worry he's under.

"Oh, Ben, baby... " Breaks down Rosy, who whizzes past you to tear up over her injured fiance. She gazes down painfully at the man before her and delicately fondles his blanch cheek, eyes narrowed to the point where her face has contorted to a scowl which she throws directly at you. "This is all your fault. "

Your brows crease at her in absolute confusion. "What are you talking about?" Sensing that an altercation is about to take place, the rest stumble quiet in preparation for the worst. Joe readies himself to butt in in case it escalates further.

"What did you say to him?" She asks you in a form of a hiss.

"Nothing! I-"

"He chased you down! You must have said something that set him off!" Her demanding voice echoes off the walls, overlaying the beeping and whizzing of both the heart monitor and ventilator. You begin swearing to her that you didn't say anything of the sort but trail off as you realize that what you had actually said, was something that indeed hurt him.

You draw your lips between your teeth and clench your fist, unable to respond with the truth, fearing it might just fuel the fire.

"That's- that's not important now." You shake your head dismissively and turn around.

"It is. You led Ben out into the street, agitated."

"Rosy, please. Can we not talk about this now? We're squabbling in front of an unconscious man-"

"Okay girls. Our boy is out cold but that doesn't mean he can't hear, right?" Eager to quench the growing conflict, Gwilym slides in between the dangerous proximity you've put yourselves in and you huff an apology.

On the other hand, Rosy does the complete opposite. "No, Gwilym. He has been acting strange for weeks and to think tomorrow's supposed to be our wedding! And this is all because of her."

Gwilym turns to her firmly and tries calming - or rather shutting her up for the sake of the peace Ben needs to heal- her down. "We're not throwing fingers here. I know tomorrow's the day and you don't want to put him under pressure, right? I don't think he's going to succumb to waking up if this goes on."

Rami, Lucy and Joe have remained unbelievably quiet but are as keen as Gwilym to prevent something unnecessary as this. It's barely 3 am in the morning for the love of God and you're all in a hospital room. Sleeping patients could bang their fists on the walls from the other side any time.

You, on the other hand, have already made four steps towards the door, ready to leave the room to be alone with your thoughts for the night but you're unable to twist the knob as Rosy snaps once more with the hint, distressing with a clenched jaw.

She's unrelenting.

"Please Y/N, you're overstepping and frankly it's getting in the way of my relationship with Ben."

"You have no idea what I'm trying to do," You mumble in the most bitter of intonations for Rosy to get the message, your fingers clenching around the knob and producing a faint chink. "But he's my best friend. Let me be the person I've always been to him, " you whip your head at her -a stare you're certain could equal to a pelted javelin- and draw your brows together, pleading on account of choosing to be present in a crisis such as this, " he's all yours anyway."

With a strong swing of the door, you march angrily out of the room, making your way outside the building to blow off steam – the smooth rub of the polaroid between your fingers surrendering you to tears.

You give yourself exactly 48 hours to stay before heading back to England to board your flight for Spain.

10 hours

Ben's accident was a clean hit-and-run. Apparently some bystanders had snapped a shot of the license plate the moment the car slowed down and accelerated afterwards. It was then delivered to the police to be given further investigation. His parents have flown in from England to visit him and you badly wish you could greet them but some things are just too heavy to do right now. Back at the hospital, Ben's been given hourly checks and assessments, with each desired result constant. He's not responsive to any physical contact but the doctor is certain that he can perceive sound and sound only. His body is asleep but his mind isn't.

The rest will be visiting him at dusk while you're going in late with Joe.

After sending an email to the university about your 24-hour delay, you spend the entire day just waiting to go down there and be by his side. Regarding your solitude in the hotel room, Rami had Lucy stay in with him for the meantime and being initially worried about leaving you, she had asked for your permission to which you said yes to.

Sometimes in the day, you can't hold back a few tears at the flashing memory.

17 hours

Loving can hurt

Standing in front of the private room, you clutch the collar of your shirt anxiously, hearing incoherent but distinct murmurs on the other side of the door. Joe looks down at you and squeezes your hand lightly to relieve you of pressure. He knows how much this is affecting you, and though not visually shown, he's taking it hard too.

Loving can hurt sometimes

The door opens to a couple you've familiarized yourself with for so long. Ben's parents.

"Y-Y/N?" Says his mum, unable to believe that it's you standing before her. Your breath hitches as you grin sadly, being pulled into her embrace. "It's been so long."

"It has, Mrs. Jones."

Joe shakes hands with his father as he introduces himself politely. Mr. Jones greets you in with a light hug as well and you can't help but spill a few tears.

But it's the only thing that I know

They give you full access to the room

as they themselves have to leave for a while, thereby trusting their son to his closest circle. Knowing how tight you and Ben are, they give you much of their trust on this one and you'd want nothing more than to make sure he'll wake up without any further complications. They obviously know about Rosy but witnessing how long you and Ben have grown on one another, they trust you the most.

They bid you and Joe goodbye, leaving access to the room exclusive.

When it gets hard

As you begin closing the door behind Joe, he insists that you have some alone time with him. Though it may feel weird but he feels as if you need this the most with time going against you now. Touched by his thoughtfulness, you give him a quick embrace before he leaves you to it.

You know it can get hard sometimes

The sight before you hasn't changed that much.

The same monitors and the same person.

Same feeling.

However you'd rather take everything

in a different light and situation.

You fiddle with your fingers as you accumulate the strength to swallow the lump in your throat, drawing yourself to his side. The mild, incessant whirring of both the air conditioner and ventilator occupies the silent atmosphere along with the steady beeps of the heart monitor, blocking the huge gulp you've taken.

It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

Slowly taking a seat on the stool positioned beside the guard rails of the bed, you let out a quavery sigh– the byproduct of all the tearing up you've done today. You take his free hand in yours and stroke his pale knuckles with your thumb, leaning in to plant a kiss on it.

We keep this love in a photograph

"Ben? It's me. Can you hear me?"

One-sided conversations are helpful according to experts and this is the perfect opportunity to tell him everything without having to bear the flits in his expression.

But you beg to differ.

We made these memories for ourselves. Where our eyes are never closing.

You continue, allowing every crack and quiver to manifest in your voice no matter how relatively pathetic it will make you sound.

"Ben, please, you gotta wake up. You're leaving us in a hot mess here, bud. Hell, you gave your parents the scare of their lives. I know I'm starting off rough with this, but it's all cause you had to leap in like that. But then again, it was- it was not your fault. This- all of this is not your doing. I should've been more careful on that road. Would've been better if I had cut back on the melodrama, huh? Haha..."

You lick your lips and resume, owning the patters your tears have soiled on the tiled floor.

Hearts are never broken

"I'm sorry if I had to hide it all from you, " you build it up slowly, tears tenacious to leave your eyes, "it's just that I was afraid you'd soon forget me once you've married and I wouldn't be part of your life anymore. To make matters worse, I have always loved you, Ben. On every level and aspect, I still do. Sticking around to see you spend the rest of your life with someone else when that feeling is still present is just toxic. And to think you're supposed to be wedded tomorrow, "you sniffle, taking a few seconds to form your following words, "that's why it would be easier if we- if we...oh god, I'm actually much more of an actor than you are..." You want to chuckle for it, but nothing resembling a chuckle mopes out of your mouth. Just...short breaths.

Time is forever frozen-

"But I truly am happy for you. I really am. But I can't be happy myself when you've taken a huge portion of my heart and I'm just...I just want to make sure nothing will ever ruin your happiness," You close the distance between you and the bed, your hot tears dripping on his arm sling, the cloth absorbing it. You're really taking advantage of his inability to respond.

"I'm s-sorry, Ben. I don't know how long I can stay by your side like this. Literally like this. But as long as I am able, " you lower your head onto his chest, now shamelessly sobbing like you haven't broken down in centuries, squeezing his free but chilly hand like it's the only thing that'll give you warmth tonight, "I'm sorry if I'm going somewhere."

And still

Despite promising to give you a moment alone with him, Joe -having recurring, inquisitive tendencies- has acted as opposed to his promise and eavesdropped on your unrequited talk due to having to wait too long, not realizing that after hearing all your words exit in sobs, you've fallen asleep with your head on Ben's chest.

Joe glances around the hall before budging the door open, careful not to disturb you as he sees you out cold next to him. He presses his lips into a hard line and chuckles quietly, amused as he grabs an available sheet from the couch and drapes it over you. The moment he notices a tear droplet stuck in the corner of your eye, he wipes it away with his thumb, sighing profoundly.

"Rosy's gonna flip when she gets back and sees this. So, " Joe, mumbling on his own, tumbles back down onto the couch and kicks back, "I'll be here just in case."

20 hours

So you can keep me

A nurse opens the door with a tray and clipboard in hand to conduct an hourly assessment of his condition, not minding your head placement on his chest. He's still unresponsive to anything external.

I**nside the pocket of your ripped jeans **

As the test ends and the nurse closes the door on her way out, his finger twitches.

30 hours

Holding me closer til our eyes meet

Joe wakes you up softly with a bowl of soup in hand– something he bought from the cafeteria upstairs. You lift your heavy head from its recent spot and blink your bleary eyes at him, giving away a wry smile and telling him you'll eat later on.

You won't ever be alone

"By they way, this slipped from your pocket." He slips something off the table and hands it to you with a knowing look, that something being the dual polaroids you've taped together the other night. You take it from him deliberately and turn your head to Ben, before staring down at the joint pictures, nostalgia ever so sudden like a whiplash.

Wait for me to come home

35 hours

Loving can heal

Rami and Lucy have stopped by to visit and take your 'shifts' considering Rosy is still absent and you and Joe had to return to the hotel to change. The attending physician and a nurse come in to replace his breathing tube with a nasal cannula, since the assessment done hours prior has shown that he's already capable of breathing on his own.

39 hours

Loving can mend your soul

"Funny how today is supposed to be his wedding but we're getting a funeral instead. " Morbidly comments one of Ben's visitors and closest friends. Every single person in the room who has come by to visit Ben shoots a death glare at him for making that joke within a two feet radius of Ben who is sure to give him a bop on the head the minute he gets up.

41 hours

And it's the only thing that I know

Meanwhile Rosy had spent the entire day rescheduling the wedding and the once volatile reactions she's had do a 360 and is brought down to one, constant look as she bumps into you on your way to Ben's room.

42 hours

I swear it will get easier, remember that with every piece of you

You both don't say a word until you've settled down on the couch as she strays to Ben's side and wipes the glistening speckle of sweat on his cheek with her thumb, the silence coming to a close as you pry the words out of your mouth.

"Rosy, believe me. I have never harboured the thought of coming between you both. I'm only ever there for him as a friend."

And it's the only thing we take with us when we die

Giving you an impassive eye, she ignores your words entirely and turns her attention back to her fiance.

45 hours

We keep this love in a photograph

You don't leave the room with the hours progressing to the moment he's timed to wake up. A lot of people have paid him a visit, cracking jokes and talking to him notwithstanding the fact that he's utterly unresponsive. They've done all they can to lighten the mood in the room, hoping all their antics and bliss would lure Ben out of his induced insensibility. But he's nowhere near the edge.

We made these memories for ourselves

47 hours

With Rosy snuggled up against his side, Ben retains immobility and it's a sight you're not used to since he's one of the most fidgety arseholes who's ever graced your life. You know you'd be bombed by her if you do this with her close by, but you had given yourself exactly 48 hours to stay before heading back.

Where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken

And so you wander to the opposite side of the bed and peer at down your wristwatch for the time.

Time's forever frozen and still.

48 hours

"Ben?" You whimper close to his ear. He's not responding. You know he wouldn't wake up that quickly at the strike of the exact hour but you're impatient to say goodbye to him with his forest, green eyes on full display and wandering around your (Y/E/C) ones to bolster you up.

"Hey." You coax into his ear again, still no response. The racing beat of your heart has matched the beeps of the heart monitor. His heart beats. The similarity is sketchy but nearly symbolic. You're leaving in the morning and he's not up and lively for you to fervently crush in a parting embrace.

"Bud, please. I can't force you to wake up but I'm leaving tomorrow. You have to help me...here." At this point, though how eager you are to, you can't let some tears stream down from your eyes since the possibility of Rosy waking up to you catching sobs is feasible, but Ben's involuntary stillness is not helping you with that ordeal. Losing all hope for a night, you straighten up and collect your things from the couch, deciding to come back one last time tomorrow prior to your departure.

You quickly open the door to the attending physician who's about to step in to take physical tests but you whisk past him without taking a second look.

Easy to say you didn't have a good night sleep with all the stresses weighing down on you that night. Either you hyperventilated in your slumber or remained asleep but with tears seeping from your half-closed eyes.

You've sent Lucy a text in the early hours of the morning notifying her about your departure today. She hasn't responded yet.

"Just a 24-hour delay? Are they that heartless?" Leaning on the door frame of your hotel room with a bitten donut in his hand, Joe questions as he watches you prop your luggage against the open door. "I had to reschedule the flight thrice last month, this one being the latest. It's only reasonable," You huff as a matter of fact, fixing the scarf that has dangled loose around your neck and staring into oblivion barely a second after going tight-lipped.

Finishing his donut, Joe pokes you out of your momentary trance. "You alright?"

You shake your head.

"I don't even know if he's awake now. It's past 48 hours and what if he-"

"There's only one way to find out," appeasing your elevating worry, he grabs you by the shoulders and looks you square in the eye, silently guaranteeing you of his recovery.

Since he'll be driving you to the airport, your things are neatly stored in the confines of the backseat but of course, you have to see Ben one last time, setting aside all the excruciating anticipation.

You scurry into the entrance with Joe by your side, out of breaths by the time you arrive at the door of Ben's room. Taking precautionary measures, you knock firmly on the surface expecting someone or Rosy to answer. But nada. You swap some looks with Joe and twist the knob gently, finding the room free of visitors and medical staff. Perhaps they've assessed him an hour prior.

"No one's around."

As you begin slipping a foot through the ajar door, Joe puts a hand on your shoulder, stopping you mid-step.

"Lucy's on her way."

His update on her reply makes you smile and you continue into the room, seeing the curtains that had blocked the sunlight for two days cast aside, spilling some sunlight into the room.

You take small, wobbly steps along the floor, unable to accept that until now he hasn't fluttered open those orbs you loved staring into so much. You suddenly fear that a complication has risen and is causing his extended unconsciousness but that must be the least of your worries.

So you can keep me, inside the pocket of your ripped jeans

He has to hear you. He has to. He has to.

He's gone really pasty. Dark circles under his eyes despite being asleep for two days. He has grown a scruff and looks painfully unruly, but still a face of an angel. You crouch and take his free hand in yours– careful not to disconnect the IV tube from his wrist, caressing it and drawing in a sharp inhale to free yourself of any doubt to speak up. "Ben. It's Y/N. You're scaring us, you know. The doctor said you'd wake up earlier but why? Why haven't you? What are you doing in there?"

This being the end of the long haul for you, you're not forcing anything at bay anymore– not your tears, not your peeves and certainly not your feelings. You interlace your fingers around his and kiss the back of his hand, your cheeks growing scarlet and wet with tears.

Holding me closer til our eyes meet, you won't ever be alone.

You get up from crouching and throw your arm around him in defiance of the possibility of applying a lot of pressure on his chest. It feels so different holding him that way. For the time you have left, an overly emotional, one-sided conversation should make up for the lost times that would've been great for those.

And if you hurt me, that's okay baby only words bleed

"You really kept that Homecoming picture, didn't you? Coincidentally I did too, just forgot it was there as well. But I pieced it back, by the way. Ironic that we both made a promise on those polaroids the night before graduation. I-I have it with me here, just so you know. Just thought I'd bring it out since...I'll be going soon." You pull the pictures out from the pocket of your coat with trembling hands, eager to wave them in front of him. Once out, you place it on the bedside table for him to keep once more but with your share of the picture.

Inside these pages you just hold me, and I won't ever let you go

You lay your forehead on his, your tears dripping onto his closed lids as you sob his name to get him to wake, at the same time feeling his soft exhales brush against your chin. " I told you I'd be strong and I'm trying to be. I know it sounds like a selfish thing to do but you have to trust me on this one. I want to move on, Ben. You're bound to be wedded soon and have a family of your own. I want to be there for that. I want to be that aunt who'll spoil your kids and make them fight you for the craziest demands. Those things I'd gladly do...if I wasn't this hopeless for you," Little by little, your voice comes out as broken whisper– losing your strength to add any more things to say in the process. On the other side of the door, Joe is finally joined by Lucy who has arrived not a minute late and they can't help but tear up a little at how uncontrolled your crying is slowly turning out, it's become audible enough to be heard from outside.

"Ben, buddy. Come on." He huffs against the hardwood as he and Lucy are tempted to barge in.

Burying your face into the exposed column of his neck with your arm slackening from being draped across his chest, you utter a voiceless but heartfelt statement.

Wait for me to come home

"I love you, Benjamin Jones. Be happy for me."

Your words hang thinly in the fragile air as you pull away from that proximity and leave a long kiss on his forehead, walking back sadly to the door with your hand outstretched ready to grab ahold of the knob.

"H-how could I be..."

The words released sound like a mere memory resonating in your head but you are proved wrong once you turn around.

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