#i think that makes like 7k words today together maybe

[shamera]

NaNo day 17 part 2

...I was tempted to leave this for tomorrow and say 'hey look how much i wrote!' but this is meant to be a marathon and i'm supposed to be honest about these things anyway.

so warning for injuries and a canon character death. and, uh, bugs. this is all shaping up to something, i promise. all of this and like the next two days' writing is like chapter 1 in my head. also names and actions are liable to be changed in edit for continuity and flow, but this is nano so i'm just speedwriting and not looking back.

Stopping here because I'm tired, need sleep, and this weekend is going to be really busy. To be continued!

Everything happened quickly. 

Wangfu was scouting ahead and coming back with a relieved expression when the floor (solid stone!) gave away underneath him unexpectedly, and he shouted in fear and confusion as he fell. Fang Duobing was after him immediately, falling to his knees to reach into the hole, attempting to grab him before he could slip away, but was too late to do so. 

“Wangfu!” He shouted alongside Li’er’s panicked scream, but the young man disappeared before his eyes into the darkness, prompting Fang Duobing to fumble his phone as he shone the light down into the hole, seeing rocks and darkness all the way down. “Wangfu!”

A cool hand rested against his wrist, and he glanced to see Li Lianhua’s bloodied sleeve as the man knelt next to him. 

“It’s not a direct drop.” He observed calmly, and pointed to the slant in the stone. “There’s a high chance he’ll be fine, but startled. We can go after him, although it would be the world’s worst slide. But with an already injured person…”

Fang Duobing bit the inside of his mouth in frustration. If they wanted to help Wangfu, then they’d have to split the party. If they didn’t split the party, then Wangfu would be left alone. 

“We have to go get him!” Li’er insisted from where she was also on her knees next to the hole, her own phone shining a weak light into the darkness. “Wangfu! Are you alright? Answer us!”

“I’ll go.” Fang Duobing insisted, already struggling to take off his suit jacket and searching for an anchor point. There was no point in going if he couldn’t bring Wangfu back with him, and that meant finding a way back up as well. He was going to take care of all of them, and that meant he had to get them all back in one group. He glanced over to his aunt. “Your jacket. Everyone’s, if you can spare it. If we can use it as a rope…”

He Xiaofeng was already slipping off her blazer, having the same thought. “It won’t be very long. I should go down.”

“Your arm is injured.” Fang Duobing rejected the idea. “If he needs help, how will you carry him up?”

“I’ll go,” Li Lianhua volunteered, but once more Fang Duobing rejected the idea, this time with a firm grip on his wrist before he could do anything. 

“I need you to help pull us up.” He looked at the others. “Everyone here who can do that will help. We can’t stay in one place for too long. If you hear something in the distance, just leave without us. I’ll catch up to everyone.”

“This is a stupid plan, Xiaobao,” His aunt told him, tone dark. She was pale under the dim light of the phones, the red of her lipstick unnaturally dark. “You can’t just—”

“It’s okay,” he insisted brightly. “I trained for this, remember? This is the kind of thing I need to be able to do if I want to join Baichuan Court.”

The others were also taking off their work blazers, but just as his aunt said, once the arms were tied together, the length of their makeshift rope wasn’t very long at all. Next to him, Li Lianhua had also pulled his sweater over his head, the pale knit a stark contrast to the rest of the clothes, the warm yarn frailer than the thick weave, and Fang Duobing found himself reluctant to take it, although he used it to tie around a rock, hoping it might receive the least amount of damage that way. 

“Climb down,” Li Lianhua told him, and Fang Duobing realised he had ever seen the man without his thick sweaters, the thin long-sleeved shirt looking strange to his eyes. “If it goes even lower than that, then just come back up. Don’t be stupid about this, Fang Duobing.”

“I won’t.” He promised, and heard his aunt huff behind him. He turned to her. “Nothing will happen.”

“It better not,” she grumbled back, although there was tremor to her shoulders and a tension that belied her nonchalance. Her eyes were just a tad too wide, a trait Fang Duobing recognised in himself when he was overwhelmingly anxious. “What am I going to tell my sister if you disappear?”

Fang Duobing didn’t know how to respond, so instead he took a hold of their makeshift rope, and jumped down into the hole. 

His feet hit stones almost immediately, and then his hip, and then it was just as Li Lianhua stated: the world’s worst slide. He lost a hold of the blazer sleeve he grabbed almost immediately, but the fall wasn’t as far as he feared. Even with the slant, he felt he had fallen perhaps five to seven meters, and was a great distance but not as bad as feared, even with the inevitable bruises all along his side from the jump. 

He wheezed as the ground evened out again, and then called out, “I’m okay!” 

A moment in the pitch blackness, and Fang Duobing pulled out his phone for a light again, frowning at the crack along his screen. At least it was still working properly. 

Examining where he ended up, he found that the walls here were smooth unlike in the upper area, and there wasn’t enough space for him to stand, the space circular in its design, with the ground underneath him giving way slightly with each step. It wasn’t stone, he realised. He rested a hand against the ceiling, and then slid it down alongside the wall, frowning at the texture. 

It felt like.. Clay. Smooth and malleable, although dry and firm. 

“Wangfu?” He called out cautiously, phone pointed in one direction and then the next. There were only two directions to go, since he had fallen from above into this tunnel, and looking at it now, it looked like the tunnel was dug previously and then covered over before it could be used much. 

Where he was standing, Fang Duobing realised with a shiver, was well worn. Used. 

This was definitely a path taken by the monsters in this dungeon. 

There was a skittering noise at the edge of his senses, and Fang Duobing whirled around to point the light in the direction of the sound, grabbing along the wall to brace himself. There was nothing in the light, and he turned again. 

There was no Wangfu, either. 

There were, however, indentations in the clay under him, where someone might have been dragged, and Fang Duobing followed it cautiously, heart rising to his throat as he pulled out a small wooden dagger from the back of his belt. It wasn’t a real weapon, but it was better than the nothing he had on him. The light from his phone was barely illuminating the darkness ahead of him, just far enough to see his hand through a thick fog, but the sounds of skittering were now growing closer than ever. 

“Wangfu?” He called out again, although this time quieter. 

There was no response, and no change in the sounds. 

A turn in the path of the tunnel, and Fang Duobing shone his light around the bend to see— 

Dozens. 

Dozens of black forms, armoured, like pill bugs the size of cats if they had hundreds of legs like needles moving along the ground and with glowing eyes painted across their carapaces. Crawling over each other, over the walls, over the ceiling, atop each other like crowded rats, and

Atop a still form that was Wangfu, dripping blood and still twitching as one of the monsters carefully made itself at home within his torso, crawling right through— 

Fang Duobing doesn’t remember his yelling, doesn’t remembering charging in with only a wooden dagger, but there was sharp needle-like points of pain on his legs as the monsters turned from their prey to swarm toward him instead, even as he stabbed them as well as he could between the ridges of their carapaces, as he would take down one and then another and another, but they would each be replaced two to three more each time. His legs felt like fire with a sea of pinpricks, and they were starting to drop down onto his head as well, and he was— 

Yanked back violently by his shirt, and then a storm of fire blazed past him, singeing the edge of his ponytail as he was dragged backward amidst the deafening shrieks of the monsters as they burned. They burned, but Wangfu would burn with them, and Fang Duobing struggled against the grip, blood running down his legs from the needle holes in his pants, but the grip was stronger than he was. 

“Stop.” Li Lianhua’s voice broke him out of the haze of rage. “Use your brain a little, Fang Duobing!”

The tunnel wasn’t big enough for two people, yet Li Lianhua, who would normally hoist his own groceries on Fang Duobing to make him carry it, was pulling him back strongly enough to keep them both out of the spreading fire. As the smoke and heat spread, Fang Duobing realised it was starting to get hard to breathe. 

The haze through his mind broke entirely at that, and he turned against Li Lianahu’s surprising grip, this time dragging the other man along with him and he raced half hunched toward the hole they dropped down from, pushing him forward ahead of him to get him up, to safety away from the monsters and away from the spreading fire and smoke. 

Li Lianhua stumbled a moment, but followed Fang Duobing’s urging as they struggled back upward in the slide down, catching themselves against the sides and on rocks before they could slip downward again, all the way until Li Lianhua managed to catch the end of the rope of blazers, and pull himself up with Fang Duobing following along behind him. 

When they reached the main cavern again, the heat behind them was starting to get unbearable, and it was Li’er and Man’er’s young man who pulled them out by the arms, dragging them away from the hole as they coughed. 

“What happened?” He Xiaofeng demanded, but was interrupted as Li’er tearfully asked, “Where’s Wangfu?”

Fang Duobing could only look at her sadly once he regained his breath, and then shook his head slowly. 

Li Lianhua, collapsed next to him, was still coughing, although his coughs were luckily enough dry ones, even as Fang Duobing’s aunt knelt next to him in concern, a hand on his back as he tried to get his breathing under control. It was only after when He Xiaofeng stared over at her nephew and startled. 

“Xiaobao,” she breathed out and reached out to him. “You’re bleeding!”

He shook his head in response, the pain in his legs growing to a sharp throb that echoed his heartbeat. 

“A mild,” Li Lianhua said between coughs, “paralytic poison. He’ll— he’ll be fine after some time. He’s a Hunter.”

The unsaid part, Fang Duobing heard, was that Wangfu as a civilian never stood a chance. 

“But how was there a fire?” Man’er asked weakly from where she had been settled against a wall, her leg resting in front of her. “What poison? How did you get those wounds?”

“There were monsters down there.” Fang Duobing said, and then pushed himself into a sitting position. His legs ached with the movement, and he hissed. “A lot of them. Wangfu didn’t—”

“He’s down there?” Li’er asked tearfully. “But… he’ll burn!”

“He was already gone,” Li Lianhua told her. 

She shook her head, hands tight around the rope of blazers. Li’er dipped her head, and then cried quietly, shuddering sobs that shook her shoulders each second as the shadows from her hair hid her face from their view. 

Fang Duobing ducked his head, tears filling his own eyes upon the realisation of just how badly he messed up. He hadn’t managed to save Wangfu at all. He just injured himself when he needed to protect everyone, and now…

His aunt’s hand tightened his arm, and he looked up to see her determined gaze. 

“You tried,” she said quietly. “And that’s what mattered. You did your best, Xiaobao. You got Physician Li out of there as well. I’ll take care of the fights.”

He untensed his shoulders, and gave a slow nod. Then he slid his hand across the stone floor and tucked the wooden dagger back into his belt where the familiar weight of it brought comfort. He would think about all of this later, when they were safe again. 

Except Li Lianhua was still coughing, at a lesser rate now but still hunched over trying to catch his breath, and Fang Duobing reached out in alarm as the man curled up into his coughs. 

“I’m fine,” Li Lianhua tried to wave him off, but his voice was a wheeze. 

“Then can we get the crystals from the monsters below us?” The young man who carried Man’er asked hesitantly. “They’re… they’re dead, right? In the fire?”

There were indeed dozens of monsters from what Fang Duobing had seen, but the idea of going back into the burning tunnel was…

“You’re free to go into the fire,” his aunt snapped. “See if you can bring those crystals back!”

The man paled. “I didn’t mean…”

“Then don’t suggest that!” She said tersely. 

Li Lianhua raised a hand from where he was still curled over on the ground, revealing his singed sleeve and reddened skin. He gave another cough into his shirt, and then opened the hand to reveal a shine on his palm. He Xiaofeng gasped and reached for his hand immediately. 

“It’s not enough for everyone,” Li Lianhua rasped, but even Fang Duobing was moving over in amazement. Four tiny, purple shards of crystal no bigger than a tiny pearl each lay within his hands. “That’s how many I could grab before… well.”

Fang Duobing despaired at not doing the same himself, at being so focused on killing the monsters that he hadn’t reached into the flesh to grab at their means to escape. 

“Four,” his aunt marvelled and then stared hard at the group who was looking over with hope in their eyes. “One for Man’er. And Li’er, and Xiaobao and Physician Li. I’ll stay behind with…?”

The young man looked ready to protest, his face running a gamut of emotions before collapsing entirely in despair. “...Bei Yun.”

“I’ll stay with Yun’er.” He Xiaofeng declared. “We’ll be along right behind you.”

“No,” Fang Duobing insisted to his aunt. “I’ll stay. The others should go, they can’t fight.”

There was a nagging thought in his mind, and he stared over at each of the people in the darkness. 

“And just what do you think you’re going to do, injured like that?” His aunt demanded. “Look at yourself! Xiaobao, you look like you’ve been mauled!”

His legs certainly felt like they’d been mauled, but were also getting more numb by the second. If the pain faded, then he could certainly use his legs again. 

Li Lianhua pursed his lips, looking like he needed to stay something, yet ultimately stayed quiet. Instead, he handed the shards to a surprised He Xiaofeng with a smile, and then moved carefully closer to Fang Duobing, who had most of his weight supported on his arms despite already sitting down, bloodied legs in front of him. 

“You need to patch your wounds up,” Li Lianhua told him. “Even if the poison doesn’t affect you, you’ll bleed out if you just leave this.”

“It’s fine,” Fang Duobing tried to brush off lightly. “None of them are deep!”

“You don’t need deep cuts to bleed out,” Li Lianhua responded drily. “The others will figure out what to do with the return crystals. Hunters aren’t immune to blood loss.”

That was true. Hunters gifted with any sort of healing abilities were incredibly rare, and most could only heal themselves. Only the top sects in the world could afford to have a healer waiting at their base. Fang Duobing heard of two in Korea, one in Russia, and three more in the west. 

This meant that casualty rates for Hunters were high enough that his family refused to allow him to become one on paper. 

“We need to get the injured people out and move,” Bei Yun was saying nervously. “If I have to stay…”

“Just a minute,” Li Lianhua interrupted without looking back at the man. “There’s no guarantee that you’ll be safe immediately when you get out. Just because there will be no more monsters after you doesn’t mean you won’t land back in a collapsing building, or have panicked people trampling over you. Injuries need to be taken care of now where it’s safe. We have the crystals, you can leave any moment. If we’re hunted down, then you can escape even at the last second.”

To Fang Duobing, he said, “Your pants are a lost cause.”

Fang Duobing grimaced, flushing in embarrassment, but agreed. With dozens upon dozens of holes and nearly soaked in blood, there was definitely nothing that could be done with those pants anymore. “It doesn’t matter. We don’t have bandages anyway. Can’t I just… tie it up or something?”

“Just who do you take me for?” Li Lianhua asked and then shifted to reveal the shoulder bag he carried with him. “Am I a physician or not?”

With that, he rummaged through the canvas bag and pulled out two rolls of gauze, as well as a tiny bottle of antiseptic that Fang Duobing hadn’t realised he had with him. 

“I don’t know if I’ll have enough,” Li Lianhua admitted. “This wasn’t the type of situation I prepared for.”

“You didn’t reveal that with Man’er?” Fang Duobing asked with round eyes. 

“You already had the fabric. Why waste this when you already made bandages? If her injury ended up being the only thing that happens here, then we’d have been blessed by the gods.”

Thankfully, his bespoke leather shoes were enough to prevent most injuries, although his suit pants had to be ripped under the knee, much to Fang Duobing’s dismay and embarrassment. He stammered questions that Li Lianhua answered with amusement and looked away, his face so warm he felt he must have a fever. Even the spray of antiseptic was barely felt over the numbness below his skin, and the way Li Lianhua worked deftly to wrap his wounds up tightly. 

It barely took a minute or so, and Fang Duobing was able to stand once again afterward, albeit with a limp as his legs were a tingle of sensation that didn’t feel real. He frowned down at the white gauze over his skin, tempted to hit his own legs to see if he could feel it. 

“Don’t overdo it,” Li Lianhua told him, holding on to his elbow. “You have a natural immunity to things in dungeons, but that doesn’t mean they can’t debilitate you. 

Fang Duobing tapped his foot lightly against the ground and felt it was good enough to walk on. Now to see if the others made any progress on who was going to stay and who was leaving. 

Scanning the rest of the group over, it was easy to see that had come to no decision at all. 

Man’er sat against a wall with a crystal fragment in her hand, clutching it tightly as she stared at the others, while He Xiaofeng held the remaining three fragments, arguing with both Li’er and Bei Yun over something entirely insignificant. 

“We could all be home by now!” Li’er exclaimed, the tear tracks on her face clear of the grime that accumulated from the smoke earlier. She looked miserable and scared, with her torn dress and wrapped wrist, her normally professionally pinned braids around her head having dropped so now she looked like a young girl with pigtails playing at being an adult. 

“All?” He Xiaofeng argued back. “Who is this ‘all’ you’re referring to? You would really leave my nephew and Physician Li behind? Are you that kind of person?”

“Yes!” Li’er burst out in a sob. She raised her hands to cover her eyes miserably. “I’m not brave and I don’t know how to fight! If I stay, I’ll only get in people’s way! If I go, I can tell the sects where you are, describe this area…”

“And what are you going to say?” He Xiaofeng yelled. “They’re somewhere dark? A cave? Big, blank space in the middle of nowhere, perhaps? That will surely help them find us!”

At that, Li’er burst out into tears again, crying Wangfu’s name between her sobs and even He Xiaofeng looked startled and a little regretful of her words. Fang Duobing couldn’t help but feel terrible looking at her. He knew that she and Wangfu had joined the company together, worked as interns together and both celebrated when they got permanent positions at Tianji Hall. They chose to work in the same department, and he saw them daily. They were both happy, bright people whose personalities complimented each other. For Li’er, she just lost her best friend. 

If he had been— faster, more decisive, if he hadn’t waited for to tie their clothes together as a rope and just jumped down after him— 

Wangfu might have made it out alive. 

There was a moment of awkward silence between them before Li Lianhua interjected gently, “She’s right. It’s best for her to leave first. Dungeons are difficult at the best of times, and for people with years of training. Li’er has done her best, and pushing her more would only be detrimental. I can stay longer, I’m good at running away and hiding if something comes near.”

At those words, Fang Duobing gripped onto his wrist tightly, above the burnt skin where Li Lianhua snatched the crystals out from the fire, the burns which Li Lianhua hadn’t treated at all despite treating Fang Duobing’s wounds. 

“Physician Li…” Li’er wilted under the words, shoulders slumping into a miserable curve in the dim lighting. “I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologise,” Li Lianhua said even as he shook off Fang Duobing’s grip without looking in his direction. “I volunteered.”

He Xiaofeng’s previous anger faded to concern, her pout clearly visible even in the low light of the phones, and the slant of her mouth turned downward to a reluctant acceptance. She wrung her hands together and said, “Don’t worry, Physician Li. I’ll keep you safe.”

Fang Duobing had to interject at this point, “No, I’m staying. I’m a Hunter, and you and Li Lianhua are both injured—”

His speech was interrupted by pitched screeching echoing around them, creatures drawn to the noise of their argument and the scent of blood that followed them. The walls seemed to shake with the sounds, prompting both Li’er and Man’er to cover their ears and tuck their head down, the light of their phones shining wildly at the movement. 

He Xiaofeng moved immediately, tucking a shard of crystal into Li’er’s palm and urging her, “Take Man’er and go, now! We’ll figure the rest out later, but you go and keep her safe!”

Li’er gave her a grateful look and then raced over to Man’er, skidding down painfully on her knees before grabbing onto Man’er’s arm and then they were both gone in an instant as if they had never been there at all. 

Bei Yun stood stunned, spurred into action only when Li Lianhua grabbed at Fang Duobing’s elbow to urge him, “Go! Now!”

They ran aimlessly, and Bei Yun gasped out between steps, “If you’re all volunteering to stay, please let me go! I’m like Miss Li and I can’t be of any help, I’m no good at running or hiding either, if I stay, I’d just die! Please!” He reached forward to pull at He Xiaofeng’s shoulder, prompting her to give a painful gasp as the movement jerked on her injured arm and had her crashing down mid-step while running.

[unstable-samurai]

ON REFLECTION

Naoi Rei x Male Reader

word count: 7K

The room's light struggles to reach the dark corners of the apartment as you sink into the couch, tired and a little lost. The TV is off, but the screen reflects distorted fragments of you and Rei, who sits in the opposite armchair. She’s sitting cross-legged, and the expression on her face is hard to decipher. The Hello Kitty pajamas don’t match the look she’s giving you. You've known Rei since high school, and now you've been roommates for two years, and in that time, you've seen every nuance of her emotions. But today, she seems different. She watches your fingers toy with the remote. Your head buzzing—maybe from lack of sleep, or perhaps the confusion that has become your life these past few days. Either way, the silence between you both grows heavy, and it eventually becomes unbearable.

"I'm leaving for a few days," you finally say, your voice low, dragging, almost as if you’re testing the words on your tongue before letting them go. "I need to get out of here, out of the city. Go to a friend’s place."

She doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, she runs a hand through her hair, playing with the ends as if pondering the best way to voice what’s on her mind.

"Let me guess: because of her, right?" Rei’s question is loaded with an implication you don’t want to face.

And then, she narrows her eyes... daring you to lie.

You take a deep breath, trying to gather your thoughts.

“What do you mean?"

Rei scoffs, the sound half a laugh, half frustration. "You're going to leave me here alone?" She leans forward slightly, her hands now resting on her lap. "Are you abandoning everything just because she left you?" Her tone is direct, like she’s poking at an open wound, but you know Rei never sugarcoats her words.

"Rei, you've been alone before," you respond, trying not to sound insensitive, but realizing you failed the moment the words leave your mouth. "I… I just can’t take this place anymore. This apartment, the memories…"

She raises an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced.

“The problem,” she starts, choosing her words carefully, “is that you’re going to throw away everything we planned. You’re leaving our plans behind because of that bitch.” The word comes out sharp. There’s no hesitation, no trace of guilt or regret.

"Rei, it's not that simple." You feel the need to justify yourself, to explain what you don’t fully understand. "I… I just need some time, you know? Space to think."

"Space to think?" She repeats, as if it’s a bad joke. "Think about what? About how she treated you like garbage? How she made you feel small every time you did something she didn’t like?" Her tone and gaze burn in a way that makes you flinch. "Or maybe you want to think about how she hated when we spent time together? How she made you choose between... her and me..."

You remain silent, the weight of her words crushing any response you might have had.

"Rei…" you try to start, but she cuts you off again.

“No! Now you're going to listen to me!”

She rises from the armchair, the pink pajamas swaying with the movement, and walks toward you with determined steps. “We planned to watch all the Halloween movies, remember? And it wasn’t my idea. I hate horror movies, but I was going to watch them because you wanted to. And now you’re telling me you’re not in the mood?” She stops in front of you, crossing her arms, her expression a mix of anger and hurt.

“Rei, it’s not about you, it’s about… everything.” The words seem insufficient, hollow, as if they can’t capture the chaos in your mind. “I just… need to get away for a while.”

She takes a deep breath, her hands now clenched into fists at her sides.

“You’re really blind, you know that?” she says, her voice softer now, almost a whisper. “I’ve been right here. I’ve always been here.”

You watch her, feeling a knot form in your stomach. “What do you mean by that?”

Rei doesn’t answer immediately. Instead, she lets her arms fall and, in a fluid motion, sits on your lap, so close you can feel the warmth of her body, her scent— that soft vanilla fragrance that always seems to follow her.

“I’m saying,” she begins, her hands now gently holding your face, “that you’ve never really seen me. Never noticed what I feel for you. And it seems that even now, you still don’t.”

You feel your heart race, as if you’re running a marathon without moving. “Rei, I…”

“Shh,” she interrupts, her finger touching your lips. “You don’t need to say anything. Just listen to me, okay?” She sighs. “I’ve always been here. Always. Since day one. I’ve taken care of you, helped you get back up every time she knocked you down. And I did it because… because I love you.”

The last word hangs in the air, heavy and inescapable. You feel like the ground has disappeared, like you’re falling endlessly into an abyss of uncertainties and emotions you didn’t know existed.

Rei continues, ignoring the shock on your face. “I know this might seem sudden, but… it’s not. I’ve always felt this way. I was just waiting for you to notice. But it seems you’re too blind for that.”

She leans in, your faces so close you can feel her breath against your lips. “I don’t want to be your friend, never did. I want to be more than that. I want you. And I’m not going to let you run away from me now, not after everything.”

Before you can respond, she kisses you. It’s not a gentle or hesitant kiss. It’s a kiss full of need, of desire, of years of repressed feelings finally released. And you kiss her back, because deep down, you know she’s right.

When the kiss finally ends, you both sit there in silence, just breathing, absorbing what just happened. Rei rests her forehead against yours, her eyes closed, more vulnerable than ever.

“Now do you see?”

You don’t answer. You don’t need to. Because for the first time in a long time, everything makes sense.

Memories come in waves, thick and suffocating like the warm air in the apartment that winter. It’s as if the memories from that week have been waiting for this moment to surface, forcing you to face what you’ve tried to hide for so long.

You remember when Rei got sick, a fever that seemed to burn through her, leaving her fragile and trembling. The flu came out of nowhere, turning her into a weakened version of herself, someone you almost didn’t recognize, except for the look she gave you, that spark that never completely faded, no matter how much her body was suffering.

You walked into the room that first night, the tray in your hands trembling slightly. Ginger tea with honey. Toast, because she couldn’t eat much more than that. She was curled up in a heap of blankets, the Hello Kitty pajamas that always made her seem childlike now seemed like a useless armor against the illness. You placed the tray on the bedside table and sat beside her, the mattress sinking under your weight.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” you asked, knowing the answer would be the same as always.

“Like I got hit by a truck,” she muttered, her voice raspy and trembling. She could barely keep her eyes open, but she forced herself to smile at you, because that’s what Rei did. Even when she was broken, she tried to make you feel better.

“Well, at least you’re still beautiful,” you said, trying to get a laugh out of her like you always did. You reached out to brush a strand of hair from her face, your touch soft, almost reverent.

She rolled her eyes, but the smile widened a bit. “Stop it. I look like crap and you know it.”

“No, seriously. You’re like… the sick version of Hello Kitty. The cutest, the prettiest.” You smiled, and she finally let out a weak laugh, a sound faint but full of life.

“You’re ridiculous,” she said, but there was tenderness in her voice.

During that week, daily routines became rituals between you two. Mornings were for medication and warm soups, afternoons for tea and old movies she couldn’t watch to the end without falling asleep. But the nights… the nights were different. They were the moments when everything seemed to slow down, and it was just you and Rei, together in the darkness, talking openly about anything, trying to forget she was sick, trying to make her feel normal.

“When you get better,” you said one night, as she lay on her side, looking at you with those big, tired eyes, “I’ll cook whatever you want. Anything.”

“Anything?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. Even sick, she couldn’t resist a challenge.

“Yeah. As long as it’s something I can make without burning down the kitchen,” you replied.

“Then I want… the best pasta you’ve ever made in your life,” she said, her lips curling into a smile.

“Pasta?” you repeated, as if she had just asked for something exotic.

“Yes, pasta. But it has to be special. I don’t know how, but I trust you to figure it out.” She looked at you with a confidence that made your heart ache. As if she knew you would do anything to see her smile again.

You remember how, that week, the apartment seemed to exist in its own universe. The world outside kept spinning, but in here, it was just you and Rei. You remember staying up late, listening to her breathing, holding her hot, feverish hand, waiting for the fever to finally break.

There was a moment, on one of the hardest nights, when you really thought she might get worse. The fever was high, and she was delirious, mumbling incoherent words. You held her hand, squeezing it tight, as if that could anchor her back to reality.

"Hey, I'm here," you said, your voice firm, trying not to let your anxiety spill over. "You're going to be okay. I promise."

She looked at you, her eyes filled with confusion and pain, and for the first time that week, you saw fear there. Not the fear of dying, but the fear of losing something, of losing you.

"Don't leave me," she whispered, and the vulnerability in her voice broke you in a way nothing else could.

"I'll never leave you," you replied, and in that moment, you realized how true that was.

These memories blend with the present as Rei sits on your lap, her eyes on yours, waiting for you to finally understand what she's trying to tell you. She has always been here, by your side, taking care of you, just as you took care of her. And now, with her so close, you finally understand what has always been right in front of you. The world around you seems to shrink until there's nothing left but the couch, the soft glow of the room, and the warmth of Rei's body on your lap. Time slows down, each second stretching to the point of almost breaking. Her breathing, light and steady, echoes in your ears like a persistent whisper, mixed with the sound of your own racing heartbeat. Your eyes meet, and you realize there's nowhere left to run.

Rei doesn't move. She doesn't try to force anything, just watches you, as if waiting for something. Maybe for an answer. Maybe for a sign that you've finally understood.

"What are you going to do now? Ignore this... or face it?"

There's a part of you that wants to retreat, but something stronger, something that pulls you forward. Unconsciously, your fingers move to her waist, finding the soft skin beneath the thin fabric of her pajamas.

Rei closes her eyes for a moment, as if absorbing the moment, and you feel her body relax under your touch. When she opens her eyes again, there's a sparkle there, something you've never seen before. "I love it when you touch me," she says, and there's a smile on her lips, a smile that is both a statement and a confession. "I've always loved it."

Your heart pounds in your chest, the reality of the moment finally starting to take root in you. But before you can process it, she continues, the words coming out fast, as if they've been held back for too long.

"And of course, she knew." Rei's voice is now harsher, carrying a brutal frankness. "Your ex-girlfriend, that bitch. She always knew. That's why she never liked me. Because she knew that at some point, I would take you from her. Because you were always mine, even when you didn't realize it."

You remember all the times your ex-girlfriend made passive-aggressive comments about Rei, the thinly veiled jabs, the looks of disdain. It all makes sense now, as if a piece of the puzzle has finally fallen into place. Rei leans in a little closer, her face now inches from yours. "She knew that deep down, you didn't want her. She knew you were with me the whole time, even when you were by her side. And she knew I was waiting for the right moment."

You try to say something, but the words get lost before they reach your mouth. All you can do is hold Rei a little tighter, feeling her warmth against your body, the sweet fragrance of vanilla lotion mixed with the scent of her hair.

"And now," Rei says, her voice soft, almost a whisper, "the choice is yours. I'm here. I've always been. The question is... will you finally accept my love? Or will you keep pretending you don't feel the same?"

You know there's no turning back. Not after this.

You lean in, your lips almost touching hers, and the decision has already been made before you even realize it. Because finally, you understand. All you need to do is allow yourself to feel.

"I never wanted her," you finally admit, your voice rough, as if the words had been trapped for too long. "I just didn't know that... I always wanted you."

Rei smiles, a smile that lights up the room, and before you can say anything else, she kisses you. And in that kiss, there are all the answers you've been looking for.

Because deep down, you always knew she was yours. And that you were hers.

When your lips part, you say, "Forgive my indecision, Rei."

She smiles.

"Already forgiven, silly."

So this is the moment of truth. Everything is falling apart around you, and the only thing left is this girl, Rei, looking at you with hungry eyes. She’s already made it clear that she wanted you, that she wants you. Always has. Your ex-girlfriend is just a detail now. And at this moment, it's as if every mistake, every wrong choice, was necessary to get here, with her, at the exact moment when the stars collide.

Rei is on your lap, where she’s always belonged. You kiss like you're drowning, each kiss a rescue from a lost past, and she keeps whispering between kisses, "Kiss me," "Kiss me more," as if it’s never enough, as if your lips still can’t reach what she really wants. The sound of her breath, heavy and fast, is like music, and all you want is to get lost in it, to drown in the innocence of this moment. And when you finally stop to breathe, that's when you really see her. There, so close, the adorable face, lips shining with saliva, dressed in that cute pajama that makes her look innocent. As if this were some kind of final test to see if you can resist what she’s become: the perfect girl.

"Make me yours," she asks, her voice a murmur between kisses. Every word carries a need that goes beyond the physical. It's as if she’s offering her soul, and you feel the weight of it, the gravity of this moment. It’s not just sex. It's so much more. It's mutual possession.

"You will be mine," you respond, and it’s a declaration of dominance, that you’ll have her in every way, that she will be yours and you hers, without reservations, without fear.

You feel your cock hardening, pressing against her. Rei notices, of course. She leans close to your ear, that warm breath against your skin, and confesses, whispers, with a malice that makes your blood boil, a malice that makes your heart race.

"I used to ride my pillow, imagining it was your cock." The image she paints in your mind is raw, almost cruel, because now all you want is to feel her fantasy become reality.

That’s all you needed to hear. She asks in a whining, almost childish voice if you’re going to fuck her, and you answer without any hesitation, "I will." The voice coming out of you isn’t just a reflection of arousal, it’s a promise. One you intend to fulfill with every fiber of your being.

You move to the bed, stumbling between laughter and kisses, the bodies colliding awkwardly but filled with a vital need. As you strip off your clothes, throwing everything to the floor like the world is ending, she looks at you with those eyes, almost asking for permission to be adorable. And there’s no way to resist that silent plea, that look that mixes innocence and lust in a perfect combination.

"Do you want me to keep this pajama on while you fuck me?" she asks, biting her lower lip. "Don't I look cute in it?" It's both a tease and a plea for you to want her even more. And it works.

You can only agree. "Very." The words come out almost as a moan, because at that moment, you know there’s nothing sexier than this mix of purity and perversion, this contrast that is Rei.

And then, without more words, she asks to see your cock. When you take off your underwear, the last barrier between you, her eyes widen, impressed.

"Wow..." She whispers with a mix of admiration and desire, as if she’s seeing something she’s dreamed of for so long finally become reality.

You sit on the bed and Rei kneels in front of you with the same devotion as someone kneeling for prayer. The entire room seems to shrink, every noise from the outside world suffocated by the sound of your quickened breath. She wraps her small hands around your cock, almost as if she’s holding something sacred, something she can’t rush. She drags her palm slowly along the length, exploring every vein, every contour, as if she’s trying to memorize every detail.

Her eyes are fixed on yours, a gaze that’s both sweet and wicked, an intoxicating mix that leaves you completely at her mercy. She smiles a wicked smile before tilting her head and brushing her face against your cock, as if familiarizing herself with the texture, the warmth, the weight. She’s in no hurry, and it drives you crazy. She knows what she’s doing, and you know she’s in control.

She starts with small kisses on the tip, soft, almost chaste, but each touch is charged with a sexual tension that makes you want to grab her hair and push her deeper. But you hold back. This is part of her game, and you don’t want to spoil it. She opens her mouth, letting the tip of her tongue slide slowly and provocatively along the slit at the head, her eyes never leaving yours. It's a deliberate act, one that makes every muscle in your body tense with desire.

She licks around the head of your cock, her tongue moving in lazy circles, spreading saliva until it's glistening and slippery. “I’ve always wondered what your cock feels like, always wanted to know what it tastes like…”

Rei slides her mouth down the length, taking you as deep as she can, and the warmth of her throat envelops you in a wet, pulsing grip. She holds you there for a moment, her eyes closed, savoring the feeling of having you so deep, so completely at her mercy. When she begins to move, it’s slow, dragging her lips along your cock while her hands come down to massage your balls, squeezing with just the right amount of pressure that pulls a low, husky moan from your throat.

She alternates between sucking and licking, her mouth wetting your entire length, creating a rhythm that is as erotic as it is torturous. She lets go of your cock for a second, only to lick your balls, one at a time, sucking them gently while her hand continues to slide up and down your erection.

“I want to hear you moan for me… Yeah, just like that… I love it when you moan like that…”

When she takes you into her mouth again, it’s with more pressure, like she’s hungry for more, like she needs to consume you entirely. The sound of her sucking is obscene, wet, the noise of saliva mixing with the sound of her heavy breathing. She sucks harder, the pressure increasing, each movement faster, more urgent. You can feel the heat building in the pit of your stomach, the pressure mounting as she continues, taking you deeper, moving faster.

“Fuck, Rei… you do that so well…” you manage to murmur, your voice fractured by pleasure. She responds with a muffled moan, a sound that vibrates around your cock and makes your whole body shudder. She speeds up, her gaze locked on yours, eyes gleaming with a mix of pleasure and challenge, as if she knows exactly what she’s doing to you and loves every second of it.

Finally, when she feels you’re on the brink of losing control, she slows down, releasing your cock from her mouth, but not before giving one last suck, hard enough to make your eyes roll back. She looks at you, her lips red and glistening with saliva, a thin string connecting the tip of her tongue to the head of your cock.

“I could do this all night… just to hear you moan more for me.”

She moans around your cock, the sounds vibrating through your body, each movement of her tongue sending waves of pleasure that make your muscles clench. “The taste of your cock is so, so good… way better than I imagined.” She whispers between sucks, looking at you with eyes so full of lust they seem ready to explode.

Rei stops, stands up, and you're still seated on the edge of the bed. Without breaking eye contact, she slides her hands down your chest, her nails lightly scratching the warm skin, before slowly turning around, her slender and delicate body moving with a grace unique to her.

Rei is facing away from you now, and you have the perfect view of the soft, provocative curves that drive you crazy. She positions one leg on either side of your thighs, and with one hand she pulls aside the thin fabric of her shorts, revealing the wet glisten of her pussy, while the other hand grips the base of your cock, guiding it with deliberate precision. She lowers herself slowly, the head of your cock brushing against her tight entrance, while a sigh escapes Rei's lips. She doesn’t rush; every inch is a small torture that makes you grip the bed sheets tightly, as if you need something to anchor you to reality.

When she finally sits on your cock completely, taking you all in, the sensation of being inside her, feeling the heat, the wetness, the pressure, is incredible. Rei begins to move slowly, rising and falling in a deliberate, calculated rhythm, each movement designed to give you agonizing pleasure, as if she’s relishing in testing your endurance. Her hands grip your knees for support, and with each roll of her hips, she tilts in a way that makes you sink even deeper into her, each thrust ripping a muffled groan from your lips.

“That’s it, Rei… slow… I want to feel every second…” you murmur, your voice hoarse, almost a desperate plea to prolong the torture.

She tilts her head back and lets out a low moan, filled with pleasure. “Your cock feels so good… it goes so deep in my tight little pussy…” Her words are like gasoline on the already burning fire inside you. The rhythm gradually increases, her movements become faster, more desperate, as if she’s surrendering completely to the desire that’s consuming both of you. The sound of your skin slapping against hers, the wet sound of her pussy sucking your cock, fills the room with a dirty and delicious melody. She keeps riding you, her moans turning into short screams of pleasure.

You feel the need to take control of the pace, so you grip Rei’s waist firmly and pull her up, making her lift off your cock with a frustrated moan. She turns to you, surprised, but you’re already standing, rising with clear intent. Before she can react, you pull her towards you, turning her to face the wall. Her breathing quickens as she feels your body pressed against hers, your throbbing cock against her skin, and she instinctively arches, pushing her ass out for you.

You position your cock at the entrance of her pussy again, wasting no time, and start fucking her standing up, thrusting hard, as if you want to mark every stroke. Rei lets out a sharp cry of surprise and pleasure, her hands bracing against the wall for balance as you fuck her. Your hips move in a furious rhythm, each thrust deeper than the last, each time faster, as if you’re determined to bury yourself as deep as possible inside her.

“Is this what you wanted, Rei? My cock fucking you like this? Tell me…” you whisper in her ear, nibbling on her earlobe.

“Yes! Fuck, I wanted you fucking my tight little pussy…” she responds between moans, her voice trembling with the force of each thrust. “Fuck me harder… I want to feel you all… deep inside me…”

You grab her breasts through the fabric, squeezing them firmly, feeling the delicious weight in your hands as you continue to fuck her hard. Rei’s moans turn into screams, she throws her head back, her hair sticking to her sweaty skin, her body arching as you keep pounding. The sensation of her pussy tightening around your cock, her internal muscles clenching in pure pleasure.

You pull her by the waist, feeling her tense muscles tremble under your grip, and guide her towards the bed. Rei quickly removes her shorts and gets on all fours, arching her back, showing off her dripping pussy, begging to be fucked. “Look at me… look at this pussy… it’s all yours… only yours… so fuck it, fuck it hard…” The sight alone is enough to make your head spin, your whole body screaming to take what’s yours.

Rei looks back over her shoulder, her eyes gleaming with a mix of lust and submission. “Fuck me… I need you… now,” she moans, her voice almost a whisper, but the plea is as clear as a shout.

You position your cock at her entrance, sliding slowly through her warm, pulsing opening before burying it deep in one single motion. She lets out a high-pitched moan, almost a scream, and the sound echoes through the room. Your hips start moving on instinct, your hands gripping her waist tightly, controlling each thrust, each push that drives her forward and then pulls her back for more.

“Just like that… harder… I want to feel every inch…” Rei begs, her voice broken by the moans that escape with each thrust. Her fingers dig into the sheets, her body arching with every movement, and you obey, increasing the force, the speed, until the sound of your skin slapping against hers fills the room. Her body responds to every thrust, her pussy squeezing even tighter around your cock, as if trying to keep you inside, as if she never wants to let you go.

You feel the moment approaching, the peak of pleasure that’s so close yet seems unreachable. With a hoarse groan, you grab her arms, pulling them back, pinning her under you as you continue to fuck. Rei completely surrenders, her moans turning into screams, her muscles tightening, her breath hitching as you drive her higher and higher until finally, she explodes in a powerful orgasm that makes her tremble beneath you. Her body convulses violently around your cock.

When she finally calms down, you lay her carefully on the bed. Rei looks at you with half-closed eyes, her lips parted in a smile that is both satisfied and hungry for more. You lie down beside her, but before you can relax, Rei is already moving again, climbing on top of you, sliding along your cock, swallowing you in one go, and begins to ride you with a slow, deliberate rhythm.

Her breasts bounce through the fabric with each movement, the skin of her thighs sweaty and glistening in the dim light of the room. Rei unbuttons her pajama top, and you can’t resist touching her breasts, squeezing them firmly, feeling the heat and weight in your hands. Rei tilts her head back, letting out a deep moan, almost a purr of pleasure, and you realize she's reveling in the control, in the sensation of completely owning you. "I'm going to come again... I need to come again..." she says, her eyes closed as she quickens the pace, each movement faster, more desperate.

You can feel her orgasm approaching, her pussy tightening even more around your cock, the heat and wetness increasing with each passing second. Her body moves with a frantic urgency, riding you with all her strength, as if she’s rushing towards a precipice, ready to throw herself into the abyss. And when she finally climaxes, Rei convulses on top of you, her body trembling, her muscles squeezing with an almost painful force, holding you inside her as she loses herself in pleasure.

It doesn't take long before you feel an intense heat building inside you, an unbearable pressure accumulating. Rei is still riding you, and she notices the change in you. She's moving slowly after her orgasm, her hips moving in a rhythm that teases you, rubbing her slick pussy against every inch of your cock, feeling the veins throb against her hot, wet flesh. Your eyes meet, and she smiles, a smile that mixes triumph and desire.

"You're going to come for me, aren't you?" Rei murmurs. "I want you to cover my face with your cum. I want to feel it dripping down my face, sliding into my mouth. Give me all your milk, baby."

Her words are a spark that ignites the last shred of self-control you had. In a swift movement, Rei dismounts you, kneeling beside the bed. She looks up at you, hunger in her eyes, as she firmly grips the base of your cock, her lips slowly parting, ready to devour you one last time. She slides the tip of your cock between her lips, sucking with a pressure that's both devastating and incredibly erotic, her eyes locked on yours as if daring you to hold on for just one more second.

But you can't. Not now. Her hands move with devilish skill, gliding up and down the length of your cock as her tongue desperately circles the head, licking, sucking, begging for you to drop your huge load on her.

"Come for me, baby," she whispers between sucks, her voice so full of lust that you almost explode right then and there. "Cover my face with your cum, please. I want it all, I want to feel you."

And then, just as you feel the climax explode inside you, Rei pulls your cock from her mouth, holding it inches from her face, her lips curled into a wicked smile. "That's it, come on my face, cover my face with your cum."

The first jet of cum hits her face with force, spreading across her nose and cheek, slowly dripping toward her lips. She closes her eyes, her smile widening as more jets follow, coating her skin. "That's it, baby... more... give me everything," she moans, feeling the cum drip from her eyelashes, slide down her chin, turning her face into a canvas of pure, dirty pleasure.

"Do it, mark me with your cum," Rei continues, running her fingers across her face to collect more of your cum and slowly licking them, savoring it like it’s her own addiction. "Fuck, I loved that... I loved everything, your taste, your smell, your touch, the way you make me feel so... so slutty."

Even after you've given everything, Rei still milks you with her hands, ensuring not a single drop is wasted. She licks her lips, tasting you, moaning softly as she savors every last drop. "Fuck, this is so warm, so good," she whispers, her voice drunk with pleasure, her eyes still closed as she basks in the sensation.

"Fuck… That was amazing, I loved every second, Rei," you say.

Finally, she opens her eyes and looks at you, a sweet smile on her lips. "From now on, our days will always be like this," she replies.

"I didn't know you could be so... perfect," you admit.

She gives an adorable little laugh as she responds, "You haven't seen anything yet."

—

That night was like any other. The bar, lit by neon lights that cast a bluish glow over everything, made the place seem like it was straight out of a dream. The loud music mingled with the bittersweet smell of beer and fried food. You were already on your third round of beers, maybe your fourth.

You leaned forward, elbows resting on the table, as the foam from the beer spilled over the sides of the glass you held with both hands. Beside you, Rei, always present, always reliable Rei, laughed at something one of your friends said, but the sound of her laughter felt more like a tapestry woven from nostalgia than a true response to whatever it was.

Your eyes wandered over her face. She was beautiful that night, more than usual.

"Hey, Rei," you called, half-whispering, but loud enough to be heard over the noise around you. She turned her face toward you, her brown eyes shining under the bar's light. "Have you ever noticed that... that I can talk to you about anything?"

She raised an eyebrow, curious. "Of course." Her response was simple, direct, and, in a way, exasperating. Sure, you were friends. But that wasn't what you meant, though the words weren't forming clearly in your mind.

"No, but..." You tried to think, tried to organize your muddled thoughts. "It's more than that. I can talk to you in a way I can't even with... with my girlfriend."

Her expression changed subtly, almost imperceptibly, but you noticed. She bit her lip, a gesture you'd seen before, whenever she was thinking about something she preferred not to say. "You've said that before," she replied softly, as if she were treading on dangerous ground.

"Have I?" You frowned, trying to remember, but your mind was fogged by the drink. "Ah... well, it must be because it's true."

Rei laughed, a short laugh, not very joyful.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" She shook her head, as if she were laughing at an inside joke. You were silent for a moment, trying to understand what she meant, but the alcohol wasn't helping.

"Maybe we have... a connection," you continued, stumbling over the words, "you know, like siblings."

Rei stopped laughing. The smile disappeared, and she looked at you with a seriousness that almost hurt. "It's not that," she said, her voice low, almost inaudible amid the noise around you. "It never was."

You blinked, confused. "It's not? Then... what is it?" You were genuinely puzzled. She had always been there, always by your side, always laughing at your jokes and listening to your rants. And you always thought that was true friendship, something solid and safe.

Rei sighed, and for a moment, you saw something in her eyes you'd never seen before — a kind of sadness mixed with resignation.

"It doesn't matter," she said finally, looking away, as if she could no longer bear to look at you. "Forget it."

You felt uncomfortable, as if you'd failed some test, but you didn't know what to say. Instead, you did what you always did when things got too complicated: you hugged her. It was an awkward, impulsive hug, but you felt her body relax against yours.

"I like you, Rei," you murmured, without thinking. The words slipped out before you could stop them, but it didn't feel wrong to say, "a lot." And suddenly, her arms were around your neck, and you realized, belatedly, how right that felt.

Rei smiled, a smile you couldn't quite interpret. "I like you a lot too."

And then, one of your friends called your name, something about another round of shots, and the moment dissolved. You were dragged back to the table, to the noise and chaos, and Rei sat there, watching as you walked away. When you looked back, she wasn't smiling anymore.

That night, you went home and collapsed into bed. And somehow, you forgot what happened. But Rei didn’t forget. For her, that moment was a line drawn in the sand, a line you had crossed without knowing. But she knew.

And that was what hurt the most.

—

The darkness in the room is thick, punctuated only by the faint glow of the desk lamp. Silence is never absolute, thanks to the soft sound of Rei’s breathing, a constant reminder that you’re no longer alone in this bed, or in any other aspect of your life.

Rei is nestled beside you, her tangled hair splayed across the pillow, a lazy smile stretching across her lips as she snuggles closer.

“We don’t have to sleep in separate rooms anymore, huh?” She lets out a little laugh, and you can sense her satisfaction in finally being able to say that.

You nod passively as the reality of what’s happened settles in your mind.

Rei turns her head to look at you, her eyes gleaming in the dim light. “Funny, isn’t it?” She begins, and you already know something is coming.

“What’s funny?” you ask, a part of you already knowing that the answer will make you feel like a complete fool.

She sighs, half exasperated, half amused, like she’s about to explain something obvious to a child.

“All those times I tried to get your attention… And you, completely blind.”

You turn to face her, trying to recall anything that might support what she’s saying. Her smile widens, mischievous and teasing.

“Remember that time I asked for a towel while I was in the shower? Just because I wanted you to take a peek?” She rolls her eyes and laughs. “But you? You just tossed the towel through the door and walked away.”

Your mind starts to sift through memories, moments that once seemed innocent, even mundane. You thought she was just forgetful, always leaving the towel behind. It never crossed your mind that it was intentional.

“And those short pajamas I used to wear?” Her voice had a tone of playful satisfaction. “I chose them just to see if you’d notice, if you’d at least look. And what did you do? You covered me with a blanket, worried that I might be cold.” She giggles, but you can feel the sarcasm dripping. “Cold? I wanted you to see me.”

You feel the blush rising up your neck, a mix of embarrassment and… something else. The images flood your mind: the short pajamas, the forgotten towels, and you never understood. You never realized what she was trying to tell you with those signals, and now you feel stupid.

“And when I used to jump on you out of nowhere?” She asks, laughing more vigorously. “Just to see if I could catch you off guard, make you react in some different way. And you? You’d just laugh and push me away.”

You try to speak, but the shame is almost suffocating. “I… I didn’t know,” you mumble, desperately trying to justify yourself. “I thought it was just… I don’t know, playful.”

Rei shakes her head, still smiling under a new layer of affection.

“You were so caught up in that… thing you called a relationship, that you never saw me as a real woman.”

“Rei, I…” you start, but she cuts you off, moving even closer until her nose touches yours.

“I did those things for you, you know? I turned down so many guys because of you, waiting for you to wake up.” She whispers, her voice a mix of sweetness and frustration.

“I’ll try to make it up to you… somehow. I’m sorry, Rei.”

She smiles again, but this time, it’s a different smile, a smile of victory, but also of understanding. She kisses you, a soft kiss, almost marking the end of a chapter that took too long to write.

“Idiot,” she murmurs against your lips, but the tone is affectionate. “You couldn’t have known. But now you do, and you’re not going to stay away from me anymore.”

Rei cuddles up to you, closing her eyes. And as sleep begins to pull you under, you can’t help but have one last thought, one last question: how could it have taken so long?

—

After the relationship finally solidifies, what was once just the ordinary coexistence of roommates, of best friends who share the trivialities of daily life, now transforms into something much deeper, much more intricate. Rei is no longer just the girl you split bills with and share occasional laughs, or the friend who was always there to listen to your complaints about life. She’s your girl now. And that changes everything.

The daily routine, which once seemed dull, now takes on new colors, new textures. The small details, those moments that would have gone unnoticed before, are now enveloped in a layer of raw, unfiltered intimacy. She greets you at home with an almost childlike eagerness, as if you were the sun and she, a plant hungry for light. Every time you walk through the door, there's a kiss, a hug, a heartfelt declaration of how much she missed you, even if it’s only been a few hours since you last saw each other. The way she looks at you... makes you feel like the only man on earth.

And things start heating up in ways you could never have anticipated. It’s a surprise, but one you embrace with every fiber of your being. Suddenly, she’s wearing costumes in bed, playing characters that range from a provocative nurse to a strict teacher. She dives into these roles with evident pleasure, having fun as she teases you, torturing you in ways you never imagined you’d enjoy so much.

Then there are the moments of complete spontaneity, the ones that turn any mundane situation into something memorable. Like that day in the supermarket parking lot, when she pulled you into the car, the engine still warm, the windows fogging up as she gave you a blowjob that wiped your mind clean, erasing any thought that wasn’t about her, about the moment. It’s clandestine, dirty in a way that only heightens the excitement, leaving you in a state of quiet euphoria as you tried not to moan her name right there in the backseat.

Morning sex becomes almost a sacred routine, the most intense and straightforward way to start the day. No words are needed, just the movement of bodies, the heat spreading, and the way she whispers in your ear. It’s primal, vital, as if without it, the rest of the day simply couldn’t happen.

You explore each other as if discovering yourselves for the first time. Every touch, every kiss, every sigh is a new discovery, a new layer of intimacy that you peel away together. You lose yourself in her, and she loses herself in you.

Every day is a new experience, and you let yourself go because, honestly, there’s nothing you want more than to be immersed in this whirlwind of sensations.

And Rei knows no limits when it comes to teasing you. Like that night when you went to a party with your friends. She seemed innocent, almost naive, in the floral dress that covered her down to her knees. But it was all a facade. During the party, she leaned in to whisper things in your ear, dirty things that made your whole body heat up. And in the middle of casual conversation with others, while everyone was distracted, her hand found yours, guiding it under the table to the part of her that was already wet with anticipation. She whispered for you to stay calm, not to give away what was happening, while she made you desperately wish the night would end soon.

Another time, during an innocent walk in the park, the sun shining, birds singing, the appearance of a perfect, harmless day. Rei, with that look like she wasn’t planning anything serious, led you to a more secluded spot, among the trees, away from curious eyes. "I was thinking," she began, with a gleam in her eyes that you’d learned to recognize, "I wonder if anyone’s ever done it here?" And before you could respond or even process what was happening, she was already on her knees in the grass, unbuttoning your pants.

There are also those moments when she surprises you in the middle of the night. You sleep deeply, your body exhausted from just another day, and are awakened by her soft touch, a caress that starts slow, exploring every inch of your skin, as if she wanted to memorize every detail. She has diabolical patience, letting the desire build inside you until you can no longer pretend to be asleep. And when you finally give in, when your eyes open and meet hers, she’s already watching you with a smile that promises the kind of pleasure that borders on sinful.

Another adventure she created was during a visit to your parents' house. You were there for a Sunday lunch, everyone was in the living room, talking and laughing. Rei, always cheerful and playful, behaved like the perfect girl to introduce to your family. But only you knew what was really going on. During lunch, she would gently rub her foot against your leg under the table, a constant tease that amused her.

"Hey, are you okay? You seem a bit... uncomfortable," she asked, feigning innocence, while her eyes said exactly what she was doing.

After lunch, she pulled you to a corner of the house where no one could see. "I think we need a bit of fresh air," she said, leading you to the garden. But instead of admiring the flowers, she pressed you against the brick wall of the house, her hands already unbuttoning your pants. “Let me ease your mind a little," she whispered before kneeling in the grass, and all you could do was hold onto the wall to keep from falling as she did things with her mouth that made you completely forget where you were.

You couldn’t be more satisfied to be the focus of all this seductive energy she has. And perhaps what surprises you most is how much it completes you. There’s no fear here, no doubts. Just the certainty that, finally, you’ve found what you were looking for. Someone who sees you, who cares about you, who shakes up your routine, who wants you, exactly as you are.

And that, yes, is the greatest achievement of all.

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part sixteen

authors note: this is a nice lil break from all of the angst! ya'll deserve it! just.....remember that storms sometimes come in cycles, so let's just enjoy now! also, my legal knowledge is limited, so we take some creative liberties. just go with the flow, bro.

i also wanna just say thank you, as always, to all of you who enjoy this story of mine! i hit over 100k words and 300+ pages in the google doc i write this in, and it's such a special thing that i feel largely goes to you all for the wonderful support. so thank you!!!!

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: angst (good-ish?), fluff, language, suggestive themes

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

faceclaims

words: 7k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @southerngirl41 @wanderingreigns

The hearing to see if the open case against you moves forward is scheduled for 8am on February 15th, 2024.

You’re outside that courthouse at 7am sharp on February 15th, 2024.

It’s all you could think about in the days leading up. Once you learned that you passed your home inspection, there was a bit of relief but still that bitter feeling of not knowing how the court date would go that kept you in that loop of misery.

Joe, bless his soul, has been a saint, staying with and supporting you in between his frequent trips to your mom’s house to spend time with Callie.

And Alexis…..my God, you’re not sure how and if you could ever repay her. She gave you a detailed play by play of her attack on Mariah, and while on the surface level, it pleased you to know that bitch got her ass beat.

It didn’t do shit to the emotional pain you’ve felt at having your child ripped away from you.

Hate is a strong word, but you hate her. She could drop dead tomorrow, and you’d spit on her grave.

It’s a bold sentiment but also how you feel. Maybe it’ll go away as time passes, or maybe it won’t. Truth be told, you don’t really care too much about it either way.

You’d hoped Alexis would stay around a little longer, as you deeply enjoyed her company, her support, wanted to express to her how much her grounding you and keeping you from catching a case, putting herself at risk for catching a case, meant to you. But, in true Alexis fashion, she’d hopped on a flight and skipped town.

It wasn’t entirely surprising. She can never be in one place for too long, but it does leave a little bit of a sting. 

Granted, in her words, “Girl, don’t worry, I’ll be back when my warrant becomes active.”

The memory brings a small smile on your face as you sit in the courtroom, hearing the details of the case presented to the judge. 

It’s a daunting ordeal but not nearly as difficult as you anticipated, mostly because there is literally nothing being presented that could implicate you in any way. Truthfully speaking, the prosecutor and your public defender sound like they're advocating for the same thing: a complete dismissal. 

It provides you a small slither of reassurance and validates your request to have Joe stay at the apartment. In the negative percent chance that something went wrong today, you wanted to continue to keep his presence in Callie’s life a secret. Push comes to shove, he could serve as a liaison between the two of you.

The presenting of the “evidence” lasts much shorter than you were anticipating, and it’s when the court is ordered to stand, that the rush of anxiety returns. It takes a lot in you to settle yourself, to keep your foot from tapping, to keep from falling out.

Reminding yourself that not a speck of incriminating evidence was presented, thus no basis for moving forward with the investigation, is what keeps your centered.

As centered as one can be in this moment. 

There’s a brutal delay in the moments before the verdict is handed, one that makes your throat dry and eyes water. It’s suddenly so overwhelming, but you force yourself to pull it together. 

Judge Merritt removes his glasses from his eyes and releases a heavy sigh. “In all my years on this bench, this may be the most frustrated I’ve felt by a case before me.” For a second, your stomach drops. What does he mean by that? “There is not an ounce of evidence before me to support the actions that were taken nor the claims made against the defendant.” A shaky breath leaves your mouth as you ground your feet into your heels. That’s definitely not what you were expecting him to say, but it’s most definitely what you were praying he would say. 

“The law is the law, and I respect all parties involved who followed protocol. But my God, what a waste of time and resources.” He then directs his focus specifically on you, gaze almost apologetic. “Young lady, I sincerely apologize for the stress this situation has put you and this innocent child under. What a disgrace. Whoever made these horrific, false accusations against you, may God have mercy on their soul.” He reaches for his gavel. “All charges are dismissed against the defendant on the basis of no evidence. This case is officially closed, and the child is to be returned to the defendant’s custody, effectively immediately.”

At the same moment he bangs the gavel, you double over, hand over your stomach, crying almost instantaneously. “Thank you,” you say in between tears and share a hug with your lawyer. Surely, this is the easiest case they’ve ever defended, but it’s now one of the most important moments of your life.

You don’t hesitate to gather your jacket and adjust the purse on your shoulder as you murmur a goodbye to the lawyer and make your way down the aisle of the courtroom. You’ll probably send him a thank you card with a heartfelt message at a later date and time, but that’s not a priority currently.

The only thing you want and need is to go get your baby.

You’re looking down, trembling hands digging for your car key in your purse when you hear it, the single most beautiful sound to exist in this world, in your world.

“Mommy!”

There’s a good chance you risk whiplash when your head snaps up at the sound of the voice you’ve been almost dying to hear for the past couple days. It’s so worth it when you land your eyes on that dimpled smile that makes your life have meaning.

“Callie…..”

Before you can even close the gap between the two of you, Callie’s little feet are moving across the busy lobby of the courtroom. You literally drop to both knees, arms spread to accept her hug when she throws her body against yours. 

The tears intensify as you hold her close, hold her tight, like you’ll never let her go. And you won’t. Never again. “Calista….” She’s crying into your chest the same way your tears are soaking the top of her head. “My baby. My sweet baby….”

Callie pulls back to look at you with a frown you hope to never see on her face ever again. “Please don’t leave me anymore, mommy.”

“Never,” you vow. Law be damned, nothing could ever separate you from her again. “I will never leave you again.”

It’s the joy and happiness you feel at being reunited with your daughter that prevents you from asking just why the hell she’s at the courthouse. But, that question is answered when footsteps approach the two of you.

Your heart swells again. “Mom….” 

Your mom is the first to pull you into her for a hug that includes the three of you. She pulls ways, tears in her eyes. “There was no way on God's green earth I was going to let one more unnecessary minute pass before letting that baby be with you again.” It’s clear Joe communicated the time of your court date with your mom to make sure she would be here right on time for the dismissal and subsequent return of custody of Callie to you.

He’s literally the perfect man.

You can’t stop hugging Callie, can’t stop holding her tight, almost needing to have her in your embrace. It’s when you turn to your mom though, needing to express something to her but not entirely knowing how that you loosen your hold a little bit. “I’ve missed you so much, mom, but….”

She lifts her hand to stop you. “I understand, sweetie. We’ll catch up.” You appreciate her so much in this moment. She must know all you want is to be able to have Callie back in your place again, return to some semi sense of normalcy. “Go take your baby home.”

She gets it. You love her and have missed her dearly. However, you just want to go back to your place, especially as Joe is eagerly waiting for Callie to be back with you as well. Just want her to be home.

“Thank you, mama,” you hug her again, sniffling. She holds you for a minute and then steps back, brushing a hand over Callie’s face. Callie, who hasn’t pulled her head away from where she’s laying on your chest. 

You thank her yet again for all she did. She had to have been out of work the past week to stay with Callie, and you make a mental note to talk to her about giving her some money for that time she couldn’t work. You know she does okay for herself, but that loss of income has to impact her one way or another.

She may not accept it, but you still want to offer.

The car drive is full of Callie catching you up on everything you missed in the days without her, and you eat up every second of it. She’s even more thrilled when she sees that Joe is at the apartment, waiting for you and her with breakfast already prepared.

He really is a gem.

The three of you enjoy your meal, Callie opting to sit on your lap as she eats, clearly wanting to be close to you. 

The feeling is mutual. 

Joe had made a comment just yesterday, partially frustrated as it was Valentine’s Day, and he wanted to do something nice for you, something nice with you. But, he already knew you weren’t really in the mood for anything other than sulking and obsessing over your court date. Still, he was just irked about the situation as a whole and its hindering him spending what should be a special day catering to you.

You’d calmly explained to him that the best valentine's day gift you could receive was returned physical and actual custody of your daughter. And to have her back, to have just that, means the absolute world to you.

All you need is her.

Hence why the rest of the day is spent holed up in your apartment, Callie taking the lead and dictating what she wants to do. A lot of play. Some movie viewings. Occasional food breaks. And a lot of wholesome fun.

It warms your heart to see how happy she is to be home. 

The three of you are sitting on the floor of your living room, coffee table moved to the side to make room for all of Callie’s art supplies she ‘shares’ with the two of you as you all color. It’s about halfway through the day, when you realize you’ll need to start wrapping up to get her in bed.

Clearing your throat, you catch her attention. “Callie….your dad and I want to talk to you about something.” Her eyes lift from the page and settle on you with a heightened level of curiosity. Reaching out to brush back some of her hair, you start to explain, “you know how we live here in mommy’s place in this town?” She nods. “Well, daddy actually lives somewhere else when he’s not working.”

Her eyes fall on Joe as she asks, “where do you live?”

He answers with the gentleness you’ve noticed he reserves for her and only her. “I live in Florida.”

Her eyes flash with a glimpse of excitement. “Really? That’s where Disney is!”

Joe chuckles, and you can tell he doesn’t want to focus too much on that aspect of the move. He wants Disney to be an absolute surprise for her. “It is, but almost all of your cousins all live in Florida too.”

The excitement grows as she clarifies. “Cousin Jon and Cousin Josh too?”

Joe flicks her nose. “Yup.”

“Callie….” You redirect her attention back to you, taking both of her hands in yours. “Your dad and I think it’s a good idea if….if you and I move to Florida with him.” You quickly add on. “We’ll get a house together, and we’ll all live with each other. That way when daddy comes to visit, he’ll be at home with us.”

You can tell she’s sitting on the words, processing and making as much sense as a 4-year-old can make out of a situation like this. Finally, she asks, “will I still see grandma?”

This is when Joe jumps in and assures her. “I will make sure your grandma can come see you whenever she wants, baby girl.” Callie is too young to understand the underlying meaning of his words, but you catch on quickly. He’ll pay for your mom to come visit whenever she, you, or Callie want to see one another. “And you and mommy can come here and visit however many times you want to.” At this point, as this man is already forking up most, if not all of the money for a house, you have a hard time finding it in you to protest any of this. Especially as it primarily benefits Callie.

Again, she sits on this new information and asks a follow up question. “Can we get a backyard?”

Joe is quick to answer. “We sure can.”

She glances up at him with those sweet eyes you’re almost certain he’s physically incapable of saying ‘no’ to. “A big backyard?”

Joe suddenly reaches over and lifts her up high. Callie’s sweet giggles are food to your soul. God, you missed her. “As big as you want.”

Settling into Joe’s lap, she shoots you a wishful glance. “And a puppy, mommy?”

Laughing, you reach and tickle her side. “Nice try, sis, but you know the rule. Not until you hit double digits.”

Joe gives you that look. That look that tells you this is clearly something he wants to “discuss” further when alone, i.e., try to convince you why you should cave. You’re open for the discussion, but you’re not changing your mind. Callie is entirely too young for a pet, because you would be the one taking care of the damn dog most of the time anyway. And as you weren’t raised with animals, it’s not really your thing.

Maybe a fish.

Settling down, you ask her again as she sits comfortably in Joe’s lap. “So, you’re okay with this? With us moving?” Before she can answer, you add. “We’re going to try to find a house soon, so….so we can move as soon as we can.” This is the part you struggle with the most. Not having a lot of time to prepare for such a big thing, but you also know the sooner you’re out of that town, the better. Not being able to give her more time to say goodbye though absolutely sucks. 

Still.

You have to get Callie out of this town. 

“What about my graduation?” There’s a hint of sadness to her question. Understandably so. This is a big accomplishment for her. 

Joe offers, gently. “We’ll do something special for your graduation. I promise. Maybe invite your cousins.”

“With ice cream?”

“Yes. With ice cream.” Laughing, you share a look with Joe who nods for you to share the next part. “Hey, baby?”

“Hmm?”

“You, me, and daddy are gonna spend some time in Florida this weekend so we can go tour a house and see what we think of it.”

It’s something you and Joe discussed at length the night before. Well, more him telling you that he thought it’d be a good idea if you could get away for a couple days. You’re pretty sure he expected more of a protest from you, but he received none. The idea of being in a completely different state with Callie is more appealing than you think he realizes. 

It’s not a hard sell.

As with most of this discussion, she’s clearly intrigued. “Really?”

Nodding, you continue. “Daddy’s gonna fly out with us tomorrow morning, but he’s gotta leave tomorrow afternoon to get back to work, so it’ll mostly be you and me this weekend. But, I talked to your cousin Kaylah and we’re gonna see if you and Ellie can have a playdate.”

Both Kaylah and Trinity have checked on you often in the past week, offering words of support and encouragement that truly held you up in moments where you were already feeling so low. 

They make the idea of moving and having that kind of support system that much more enticing.

Connecting with her cousin clearly chips away some of Callie’s sadness as she cheers. “Yay!”

It pleases you immensely that she took the news so well, though a large part of you believed she would. 

This is what she’s always wanted.

A family. 

————

Traveling with Joe is so much easier than traveling alone, mostly because of how helpful it is to have another adult present when flying with a child. Naturally, Callie stays close to you, but it’s the closeness and holding her most of the time while Joe handles luggage and checking you in for your flight that you appreciate more than anything.

You’re appreciative of all he does for you, but it's physically being there that makes the biggest difference. His money is fine and all, but you don’t care about that shit. You just need him. That’s all.

Of course, he got you all first class tickets but unlike the last time you flew with Callie, instead of her being the social butterfly that she is by making friends with the flight crew, she’s fast asleep in her seat. It’s not entirely unexpected considering the ungodly hour you had to wake her up at to make it in time for the flight. If the situation was different, you’d have objected to such a crunch timeline. However, as Joe literally has a show tonight, the earlier the flight, the sooner you could view the house, the better the chances he can make his flight out in time.

Joe’s apartment is exactly as nice as you imagined it to be. It’s definitely luxury, but it looks like it’s unlived in, which is expected. You know he spends most of his time on the road. He’s probably been at your place more than he’s been at his own in the past couple months.

That’s just the life of a professional wrestler.

You lay Callie down in the guest bedroom and let her get in a little rest while you freshen up in the shower before Joe shows you around his place, where things are and whatnot. He tries to get you to take a nap, but it’s hard for you to sleep, especially when you slept as well as you did the night before.

The best sleep you’ve had since Callie was removed from you.

So, you instead catch up on some emails, mostly work related, navigating a time to meet with your principal and figure out some plan for your resignation. You’d be willing to stay on with the school system to guide and help out whoever they hire to replace you, so long as they understand it would be a long distance type of situation. 

Regardless, it’s not a major concern. Your family comes first. 

Joe, being the perfect man that he is, fixes a breakfast for you and Callie to eat before you head out. And it’s nice to finally be able to eat without emptying your stomach less than half an hour later. It’s even nicer to be able to share that breakfast with the two people you love the most.

Similar to breakfast, the car ride to the viewing is a fun time, Joe allowing Callie to have control of the music. She, of course, asks you to play her Disney playlist.

You don’t hesitate. You’ve missed this, missed all of her requests, everything about her, really. 

But pulling up to said house is an entirely different experience.

“Holy shit,” you breathe as Joe pulls his Range Rover into the driveway behind the red Tesla you’d guess belongs to the realtor his manager hired for ya’ll, Jen.

“Mommy, you said a bad word,” Callie scolds, and Joe chuckles. You shoot him a side glare which only makes him laugh more as he moves to unbuckle Callie from her booster seat. 

“Mommy’s sorry, baby.” It’s a genuine apology, but you don’t actually regret what you said. You can’t help it. The house looked huge in the pictures, but it’s massive in person. You feel like you’ve just walked into Beverly Hills or something. Like if the house wasn’t secured by a massive, black wrought iron gate, the neighbors would call the police on you for trespassing on some where did you people come from BS.

Jen, the realtor, is waiting for you in the foyer of the house. She’s nice enough, seems genuine and chill. But, it’s hard to focus too much on her when you’re stuck in a state of awe at the fact that you’re literally standing in a mansion. Callie instantly falls in love just from the fact that her voice echoes near the entrance, among other things as well, but that fact alone wins her over immediately. 

You find it strange, however, when Jen basically leaves the three of you alone to tour the house. Granted, you’ve never actually been on a house tour, everything you've seen on HGTV indicated homegirl is supposed to actually, well, sell the house.

“Sis must not care about this commission,” you whisper to Joe, but a gasp immediately leaves your mouth afterwards as you walk into the kitchen. “Oh my god….” You’d fallen in love the minute you saw the pictures, but seeing it in person is a whole other experience. “Look at the ovens.” The open floor plan of the kitchen alone probably rivals half the size of your apartment back home. Maybe more. “Is this real granite?” Running a finger over the cool stone, you realize that in a house this big and luxurious, it only makes sense that everything included is real. 

And expensive.

Callie giggles, standing close to Joe. “Maybe mommy can learn how to cook.”

Smacking your teeth, you playfully cross your arms over your chest, warning, “okay, I’m forreal. Ya’ll better leave me alone. I try.” 

“Yes, you do absolutely try.” You can’t move fast enough to punch Joe’s arm, a small laugh leaving his mouth at your slowness. Or maybe it’s just his speed. You can tell he’s been hitting the gym harder in preparation for WrestleMania, and it’s paying off, paying off very well. With everything going on, you haven’t had the time nor desire to show him said appreciation. 

An unfortunate occurrence indeed. 

“Let’s look at the rest,” Joe encourages, leaning over to pick up Callie, though something tells you she’ll be wiggling to get down and explore with her own two feet. 

Following them, you’re grateful that you wore your most comfortable pair of sneakers. Exploration of this home is a workout in and of itself.

Sure enough, you’re barely into the back of the house when Callie asks to get down, running into the movie theater room. “It’s just like the movies!”

“It sure is….” Touring the rest of the residence is something like out of a fantasy. There’s not a single thing you can find wrong with this house. The rooms, and there are plenty of them,  are large, spacious, ready to be decorated as you see fit. You even come across two spaces that you could see being your and Joe’s office spaces. That’s one thing you really did miss after giving up your office for Callie to have a playroom. This house is big enough for her to have two playrooms if she wants.

And you know Joe would give it to her. 

The master bedroom is literally perfect, but the bathroom is even better with a separate shower, bathroom, and large his/her sinks with counter space that links the two sinks. It conjures inappropriate thoughts about how said space could be used. 

But, it’s really the backyard that does it for you. It’s humongous, beautiful green grass stretching out for what seems like a mile. There’s a separate attached building that you already know Joe would turn into a home gym, a beautiful pool that’s covered up, covered patio and just nothing but room for Callie to run around.

And she does just that.

Her little legs take her all over the greenery as you take in everything else. 

Joe suddenly turns you toward him. His hand is on the back of your neck, and his voice is almost vulnerable, as he asks, “do you like it?”

Maybe if not for the emotional rollercoaster you’ve been on the past week, you’d hit him with your usual smartass remark. But, that’s neither a desire nor an option, as you answer with equal vulnerability. “I love it.” It’s when you see that spark of excitement and relief in his eyes that you see a glimpse of Callie, see her smiling face and big, hopeful eyes. You’d never realized just how much of him is in her. “But Joe, I don’t want you sp—”

“It’s ours.” 

One, two, three blinks precede you asking with a stutter in your voice. “W–what?”

His hands shift to your hips as he repeats himself. “It’s ours.”

There’s a hint of alarm growing in your body and projected into your voice. “You’re saying that like it’s supposed to make sense, Joe.” 

He brings his lips to your forehead and says, “this is our house.”

You’re hearing him, but you’re not actually hearing him because there’s no way in hell he can be serious right now. No way that he can seriously be telling you that this beautiful house you’re standing in, the kind of house people can only dream about having one day, the level of luxury that’s reserved for Pinterest and vision boards…..is yours.

Chuckling at your probably expected reaction, he adds. “I could tell by your facial expressions just looking at the pictures that you loved it, so I asked Kaylah and Alexis to come see it, since Kay knows what I like, and I know Lex knows what you like.” You suddenly realize why he was being a bit strange with his phone the other day, a stark difference from the man who literally told you his passcode even when you didn’t ask for it. Going through your man’s phone was never your thing, especially with him. You trust him too much for that shit.

It also explains Alexis' sudden departure. She was checking out the house for you, seeing if it was something that you would like. Obviously, it’s not something you like.

It’s something you love.

Joe continues to explain. “Now, technically, the signing isn’t until next week, because I wanted to give you and Callie a chance to see it for yourselves, but it is under contract to make sure it’s ours….if you want it.”

If…..

There is no if in this situation.

“Joe…..” Tears are burning your eyes, and it’s still hard to comprehend just what he’s saying, but the reality is also setting in as well. “You seriously bought us a house?”

His expression softens, voice lowering as he reminds you. “I told you, I love you, and I want to be with you. Wanna be with Callie.” 

It’s hard to not be choked up in this moment where this man has literally purchased an entire house for you. And not some small 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom starter home in the middle of bumfuck nowhere but a literal mansion, a dream.

Sniffling, you nod to yourself, laughing tearily and reach up to hug him. Joe’s arms are immediately around you, holding your body close to his. “Thank you.” He must have done all of this in under a week, recognized how difficult all of this was on you and wasted no time in speeding up this process to get you what you need. “Thank you so much.”

He’s always there for you when you need him, and you’re not sure how to help him understand how that means the absolute world to you.

Callie runs over to where you’re standing, trying not to be a blubbering mess. Your emotions have been all over the damn place lately. Thankfully, she directs her question to Joe. “can we come visit here when we move to Florida? It’s so fun!”

You give Joe a nod, indicating to him that he should tell her. This may be a moment for all of you, but it’s a special thing you want him to be able to have with Callie. 

“Baby girl….” He kneels down on knee in front of her, gently pulling her closer to him. “This is our house.” She gasps, and you can only imagine the happy smile on his face. “You, me, and mommy, we’re gonna live here.”

“Really?” Her excitement is palpable and stretches across the entire premises. “Forever?”

He chuckles. “As long as you want to live here.” 

Callie suddenly asks, clearly realizing just what this means. “I can paint my room?”

That’s one thing you also know she’s always wanted to do, to paint the bland white walls of her room back at your place. 

Now though….now she can. 

“You can draw on the walls in your room for all I care, baby girl. It’s your room.” He would be that dad, the dad that lets his kid do whatever they want with their space, because it’s their space. 

If only you were that mom.

“Uhh, Joe—”

“And get a puppy!” Your eyes go wide at this. This child really is not taking you seriously, but you’re especially floored when Joe’s ass whispers to her something about talking to you about it.

It’s when Callie starts to run around the backyard, happy and ecstatic, celebrating, that you warn him. 

“You think I’m playing, Joe. Get that lil girl a puppy, and I promise you, you gon be taking Toto on the road with you. She gon be at your side when you do your slow ass walk to the ring. I’m not taking care of no dog.” And you mean that. Callie can give him all the puppy dog eyes—no pun intended—she wants. She’s just not old enough yet.

Of course, Joe tries to sway you, suggesting, “it’ll teach her responsibility.”

A heavy sigh leaves your mouth as you observe Callie spinning in a circle. This child has the energy of the energizer bunny. “We already have one rambunctious child. Let’s just focus on her first, please?”

Your little family of three is more than enough.

It’s everything you need.

This, right here, right now, is all you need.

————

Joe told you he talked with Kaylah about being a bit of your tour guide and helping you and Callie to familiarize yourself with the area while he was gone, but he didn’t mention that Kaylah would literally be coming over that night.

It’s a surprise when you get a call from the front desk asking for permission to buzz Kaylah in, but you don’t hesitate to authorize it, especially when you overhear Ellie’s little voice in the background. 

You know Callie will be thrilled to see her cousin. 

And she definitely is, the two girls making more noise than probably what’s appropriate for an apartment, especially an upscale apartment. But, something tells you even if there is some type of noise complaint, Joe won’t hesitate to dead that shit.

“How are you doing? Really?” Kaylah asks as the two of you sit in Joe’s living room on the sofa as the girls play in the guest bedroom. The TV is on Smackdown, but Joe hasn’t made his appearance yet.

You promised Callie you’d call her when he got on screen, so it’s something you pay attention to.

“I can’t believe she would do that to you, and she was supposed to be your best friend?” Kaylah sounds rightfully disgusted. “You and Callie didn’t deserve that.”

“I have my baby back, so I’m much better now.” And it’s the truth. It’s almost night and day how having Callie back in your custody has completely changed your existence. You can actually bring yourself to do something other than cry, can actually experience emotions other than sadness, and most importantly, you can also keep food down.

There’s still some lingering nausea that you wish would just go away, but it’s tolerable. Much tolerable than the constant vomiting.

“I don’t blame you for wanting to leave that place. I don’t know if I could stay there either after that.”

“A part of me doesn’t want to go back now.” Even though you’ve only met Kaylah once, there’s something about her that’s comforting and easy to talk to. “I just….even now, it’s like I have this fear that they’re gonna take her from me as soon as I step foot off the plane.”

She reaches over and places her hand on top of yours. “That’s over with now. The judge dismissed everything. You’re okay, girl. Callie’s back home.”

Feeling the wetness on your face alerts you that those damn tears have returned. For someone who hates crying, you’ve sure been doing a lot of it. And you hate it. 

“Thank you, Kaylah.”

She gives you a warm nod and smile. “Oh!” Kaylah reaches over to her purse on the coffee table, digging around before she pulls out a folded piece of paper. “Here. You’ll need this.” Unfolding the paper, she explains, “it’s the info for the doctors and dentists Jon and I use for ourselves and the kids. Ellie especially loves Dr. Pyle. She’s super great with kids, and I absolutely adore my primary and OB-GYN. They’re both fabulous black women who actually listen when you have an issue.”

There’s so many things to consider when moving that it never even crossed your mind yet that you’d need to find a whole new slate of medical providers. Kaylah’s thoughtfulness is so appreciated. “Thank you. I should probably call tomorrow and get those appointments set up now.”

With everything you’ve been through this past week, it’s not a half bad idea to get a check up just to make sure everything is going good internally.

You add that to your to-do list for tomorrow. 

Maybe see the OB-GYN for your women’s wellness exam as well. You’re just about due anyway.

She nods. “Definitely, and I don’t know if you and Joe have talked about schools, but Ellie’s private school is really great.”

Private school….

You’d definitely thought about schools for Callie, but a private school wasn’t really an option as you were factoring in your financial capability. Now though….now that Joe is in the picture, you’re almost certain he would not only want Callie to be in private school vs public school, but he’d pay however much it cost to do so.

You’re not entirely opposed, interestingly enough. Especially since Callie is technically the kid of a celebrity, it might be a good move to keep her in a smaller, more private setting. 

“We haven’t, but I’m sure it's a discussion we’ll have.” You then remember. “Can you also give me the information for the dance academy Ellie goes to? I think I want to see about putting Callie in ballet.” It’s something she’s been wanting for a while, and accepting Joe’s financial generosity is becoming easier when you think about how it can benefit Callie. She deserves all of the happiness in the world.

And you’d much rather her do ballet than finesse her daddy into getting her a dog that’ll eventually be yours.

“Of course! We can actually swing by there tomorrow, so you can get a feel, if you want.” She offers, and it sounds like a great plan. Checking out the school with Joe is also something you make a mental note to discuss with him. Something tells you Kaylah is a good judge of character, but you need to check for yourself. This whole experience has made you that much more protective of your baby girl. “Joe also asked that I take you guys furniture shopping to start furnishing the house.”

At that, you groan and lean your head back against the sofa. “Girl, it’s gon take a minute to furnish that house. It’s so big.”

“It is, but it’s also so beautiful.” She leans closer to you, hand on your forearm. “And you don’t have to do everything at once, just like the master, Callie’s bedroom, the living room. You know, the main rooms.”

“Oh my goodness, I already know Joe is gonna’ have that girls room looking like a damn toy store.” He already mentioned something about knowing someone who does wall art and murals and reaching out to see if they could do a Disney mural in her bedroom. Not that you’re opposed to that. “He already spoils her. Now that we have this big ass house, I know it’s only going to get worse.”

Kaylah makes a sound and shrugs. “Let him. He loves her. He loves being a dad. Let him spoil her. Let him spoil you.”

“I love Joe for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with his money. I don’t need him to spoil me financially. Other ways though….” Because of everything that’s happened the past week, you’ve had neither the mental or desire to be intimate with Joe. But with Callie returned to you and the litany of other positive things happening in your life, that sex drive is gradually building back up.

A small part of you is wishing that you’d gotten in a ‘quickie’ in the small space of 

‘Callie is sleeping’ time before you went to see the house. Granted, you also know that Joe isn’t a fan of quickies.

If he can’t have you for as long as he wants you, milking out at least 2 to 3 orgasms, he doesn’t want you at all. 

“Girl please, that man is like my brother. I don’t need the visuals.” She laughs, waving her hands in a “please shut up” manner. Giggling, you glance at the TV and see the blue lights flashing around the arena.

Sitting up and angling your body towards the back of the sofa, you make a sound when your chest presses against the cushion of the sofa. Your boobs have been weirdly tender too. Ignoring one of many annoying things about being a woman, you shout out, “Callie Bear! Daddy’s on TV!”

Callie runs in there faster than Usain Bolt, Ellie not too far behind. The girls plop on the living room floor, Callie’s eyes glued to the TV, not wanting to miss a second of it.

Your attention is also glued to the TV, but also elsewhere, even as your fine ass man talks his shit while looking so good doing so. 

You’ve learned a lot in the past week, been through a lot, but one of the major takeaways has been the importance of community. Of family. Alexis has transcended past best friend territory. A best friend doesn’t do what she did, doesn’t take the heat, even if she won’t feel said heat, the way that she did for you.

That’s something a sister would do. 

And while your heart swells at the notion of considering and seeing her as such, having that important conversation with her about what you want her to be in your life moving forward,, it’s also triggered another train of thought.

With change, comes friction, and while that friction can be uncomfortable, it can lead to something beautiful.

Look at you and Joe. Where you started, and where you are now. If you had to, you’d do it all again. It’s just all so worth it. 

So, you decide to pull out your phone as Callie goes crazy seeing Dwayne aka “cousin Maui!” appear on the screen and scroll to your earlier messages. Your thumb hovers over that thread, and there’s a brief moment of hesitation before you decide to power over fear and type out a message

You: hi, bianca. sorry for the delayed response, a lot has happened….  but you’re right. it can end with us. when’s a good time to call you? better yet, can we meet up?

You don’t even bother proofreading it before hitting send, not trusting yourself not to back out.

To say you feel 100% confident with your decision would be an absolute lie. You’re still wary about moving forward, but you owe it to yourself, and Callie, to try. From now on, you only want and need people in your life who want and deserve to be there.

And if…..and if your sister is included in that list, then you owe it to yourself to at least see what happens there.

This is a new season of your life, and you intend to embrace it for all it brings.

[kitthepurplepotato]

Side note: I’m not back from my hiatus I’m just posting this because I magically managed to finish this chapter before going berserk! Yay!

Chapter 20 - Can I show you how much I love you? (18+)

Summary: You just wanted to eat breakfast. So how did you end up in the shower with your freakishly handsome boyfriend, kissing each other senseless?! And the bed?! When did you get there? What’s going on?! WHAT IS THIS SHENANIGAN?!

Warnings: Swear words, 18+!!! Contains a sex scene. (It’s mostly smut, so please, if you are not okay with that or you are under 18, skip this chapter or well… you know... 😂 Thank you!)

Also, this chapter is 7K so get some water and something to snack on!

First Chapter Master List

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

“Rise and shine, you drunkard.” You giggle to yourself as you look at your fluffy, absolutely adorable boyfriend who’s already frowning from the light coming in through the window.

“Hey, you wanted me to have fun, which I certainly did.” Izuku retorts sassily. You can’t help but gawk at him which only makes the green head laugh. “I’ll be fine after I take my pills. I’m not in more pain than usual, I swear.”

“Still, drinking this much in your condition…” You mutter, probably ruining the mood completely but fuck, you are so worried. It’s terrible to see such a hard working man so down, physically and mentally. You want him to be healthy and happy again, you want him to smile freely and sleep peacefully like he used to. You want to shield him from any harm, make sure nothing prolongs his current suffering but at the same time, you understand that’s he’s not a fragile human being who needs to be pampered the entire time, however, you still can’t help but want to do that.

“Sweets, I asked.” Izuku sighs. “The doctor said it’s fine. I’m fine. You are fine. Everything is fine.” He slowly strokes your cheeks until you finally relax. It takes a little bit of time, but eventually, you get there. “What do you want to do today, love?” Izuku smiles at you and it’s quite pathetic how your heart rate rises every time he’s sweet to you, even to this day. You’ve been together for long enough to get used to these touches but somehow, you just… can’t.

“Well, Katsuki, Ei, Shouto, Mirio and Tamaki went ‘monster hunting’ early in the morning. By that, I think they meant they are going to climb the big mountain. Denki is still KO so Hitoshi brought him back to their own cabin when Katsuki and the gang left for their adventures. Kyouka and Momo went down to the high street for a shopping spree. Rody went down with them to spend some time with his family. So once we clean up the bedding from the floor and… maybe we can just… chill today? In our own cabin? Try the onsen? Maybe?” Your cheeks are so flushed you are surprised Izuku haven’t commented on it yet.

“Hmm…” his cheeky hands find their way to your tummy under your shirt, slowly stroking your naked skin with a smug smirk on his face. What happened to shy Izuku?! Where is he?! Who’s this man?! “Sounds like a plan to me, Sweets.”

“If you keep doing that, we will never make it to our cabin.” You murmur into his ears with a shit-eating grin on your face. Izuku is out of the bed before you can say anything else, stuttering nonsense under his nose as he moves the so called “bedding” - a bunch of decorative pillows and massive blankets scattered on the floor - back to where they belong and he’s out of the door without a single word. You can’t help but giggle the whole way home.

“Why are you in such a hurry?” You snicker under your nose and Izuku gives you the sassiest side eye you’ve ever seen. It’s absolutely hilarious. “What?!” Oh no. You can’t stop giggling like an idiot. You really don’t need another tummy ache after yesterday’s shenanigans!

“I’m going to the onsen. Right now.” Izuku declares.

“No, not before breakfast.” You retort, standing with your hand on your hips like an angry mother.

“Oh yeah?” He comes closer, his smile bigger and bigger as you flush from his closeness. “Watch me.”

Ladies and gentleman, what happens now must be a fever dream… because Pro Hero Deku AKA Midoriya Izuku AKA Izu-Izu takes off his fucking shirt in the most attractive way possible and slowly sheds every single clothing off while you yell like a virgin with your eyes covered by your own hands.

“What the fuck, Izuku! Stop! Keep the boxers… oh my god, STOP THE VIOLENCE!” You laugh, cheekily peeking out between your fingers. “You also need to shower before going in! IZUKU LISTEN TO ME, YOU MENACE!”

“Only if you shower with me.” Izuku WINKS at you and you swear your soul just left your body for a second.

“Only if you eat breakfast.” You retort and by the surprised look on Izuku’s face, he didn’t think you’ll even consider saying yes to that question.

“You will… shower with me?” Izuku’s confidence is gone just like that, in a matter of milliseconds and you kinda feel the urge to just push him into the bathroom to prove how serious you were but you are way too hungry to even think properly right now so…

“After we had breakfast. I’m starving, Izu-Izu.”

“But… for real?”

“Well, we’ve been together for long enough to share a shower, haven’t we?” You answer with a massive blush on your face.

“I’ll re-heat the food Katsuki left for us.” Is all the answer you get before he trots away into the kitchen.

The mood… is heavy. There is just something in the air you can’t really describe, this weird tension, but not the bad kind… you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to know that today… something big will happen. It might just be the shower, seeing each other completely naked for the first time, but maybe it won’t stop there, maybe…

All the blood from your face goes somewhere else.

Calm down. Jesus Christ, woman, just calm down.

You were so deep in your thoughts you didn’t even realize the that the food is already heated up and ready to eat on the small table in the kitchen. The lovely scent of Katsuki’s food makes your tummy grumble; it might be weird to eat lunch for breakfast, but you literally can’t even be bothered to comment on it; in your household, it’s quite normal to eat whatever you guys want, whenever you want it, thanks to Izuku’s inhuman shift patterns. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, afternoon snack; food is food. That’s your household’s motto.

“The food is served, my princess!” Izuku’s adorable face appears in front of you; he bows low and makes that arm movement the butlers do in those dramas in the TV. The whole scene would be quite funny if he wouldn’t be wearing one single underwear and nothing else.

Let’s just say it’s hard to laugh when you are too focused on… well… the curves. The shapes. The godly body. Those massive fucking legs which could crush your head like a watermelon without even flinching…

“The food is indeed served.” You mutter under your nose, loudly by accident and Izuku starts to laugh, tears prickling his eyes as he holds his tummy, probably trying not to throw up once again.

“Oh… my… god… Sweets… I didn’t see that coming.”

“Me neither!” You yell as you pass by your stupidly attractive boyfriend, completely avoiding eye contact because there is no way you can look at him right now with how embarrassed you are. “Put on a fucking shirt!”

Izuku laughs some more but obliges at the end.

Thank fuck.

~•🥦•~

“If you changed your mind, that’s okay.” Izuku caresses your face as you two stand in the bathroom, still clothed. You are quite sure your face is the color of Eijirou’s hair right now. Your limbs are shaking like a leaf and you feel so much anxiety you could cry. It’s stupid, really; it’s not like it’s your first time to be naked in front of somebody, yet it really does feel like it is; Izuku is not like the others, he’ll actually look at you, look at your curves and the tiny little flaws and he’ll remember everything until the day he dies, cherish them like they are something special, because that’s who Midoriya Izuku is; the most caring, most loving partner the world has ever seen.

“I want this.” You declare confidently. “Yes.” You nod to yourself with a tiny pout on your face.

“Yes.” Izuku parrots, making the same, tiny pout then he gives you a smile that makes your insides melt right away. “You are so cute, Sweets. I love you so much.”

“Shut up and get naked!” You yell with a red face. He’s too much. This is too much. He’s too perfect. You can’t even take his teasing seriously with how much love you see in his eyes as he does it.

“Hey, you are not the only one freaking out here!” Izuku yelps awkwardly. “Turn around… please?”

His wavering voice make you look up to his face; he’s flushed and trembly as he slowly takes his shirt off, the movement full of hesitation. You really feel the urge to mention how only an hour ago, he wasn’t this shy about stripping in front of you, but you keep your thoughts to yourself.

“You can also change your mind, you know.” You finally turn around to give him some privacy.

“I’ve been waiting for this ages. There is no way in hell I’ll back out of this just because of my stupid anxiety.” Izuku grumbles, more to himself than to you. “You’ve seen me naked before. You’ve seen my scars. You know all my secrets. I have no reason for me to feel so ashamed of myself. It’s all in my head… I know I’m not ugly. That’s a lie, fuck… I know… I know you think I’m… okay. I know you won’t mind… me looking like this. Most and foremost, I know you love me for who I am and not for how I look like…” he mumbles and mumbles, not realizing you managed to get out of your clothes by the time he managed to get to his underwear. Your eyes are filled with tears from his words, you want to slap him in the face for hating himself like that and kiss him senseless out of pride for finally realizing it’s all in his head.

With that said…

“Izuku, look at me.” You appear behind your boyfriend, probably standing way too close for it to be appropriate, but you don’t care right now.

Izuku bumps right into you when he turns around; a tiny yelp leaves his mouth as your breasts bounce on his chest. “If I ever hear you calling yourself ugly I’ll pull out every single one of your leg hairs with a tweezer, one buy one, in the most painful way possible. Now turn around, finish what you are doing and see you in the shower.”

“That’s weirdly… evil.” Izuku snickers but by the look of it, you plan worked because he looks much less anxious now. You quickly go inside the shower cubicle to hide, not giving the man too much time to check you out… yet.

You can hear some rustling from outside then Izuku takes a few deep breaths and steps inside the now foggy shower and… you forget how to breathe.

Izuku looks gorgeous on a normal day, but this… is downright sinful. Izuku is stocky but not in the wrong way; you knew that already but with his underwear now gone, you can see how perfect the proportion is. He’s perfect. His shoulders are massive, but he has a nice curve to his body and there is a tiny trail of green hair leading towards his perfectly trimmed intimate area, also pine green just like his hair… then… that’s… a monster between his legs. Yup. You slowly look up and to the side to calm yourself down because that sight went straight into your core and this shower doesn’t feel that innocent anymore.

“Sweets, I… I’ll have problems down there if you keep looking this pretty, just giving you a heads up.” Izuku whines with a high pitched voice. By the time you wake up from your daze he already turned his back to you (you try your best not to stare at that gorgeous fucking ass, because hell, that thing looks like it was carved by a horny but extremely talented sculptor), probably ashamed of himself for feeling this way. You can’t help but speak up.

“If I would… have the same thing between my legs, I would have the same problem.” You admit sheepishly.

“Why are we so awkward about the stupidest things?” Izuku giggles. You want to pinch him. (His ass. You want to pinch his ass. That’s what you want to do you cheeky sod.)

“I don’t mind. I think it’s really… us, that we act this way. I wouldn’t have this any other way.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Say that again and I’ll forcefully kiss you.”

“Hm. That doesn’t sound that bad.”

“IZUKU!“ you yell into the small space as you hide your face in your palms like that helps anything. Your forehead ends up on Izuku’s back and he yelps helplessly; you don’t need to see his face to know he’s red all over because even the back of his neck is the color of a lobster.

“Okay, I’m done with this awkwardness.” Izuku takes a deep breath and the next moment, your back hits the wall. You can’t help, but whimper. “Sweets, you are the most perfect human being I’ve ever seen and I’ve been waiting for this moment for ages, so I’m sorry for… uhm… being a little bit too excited right now but I really want to wash your back if you… uhm…” Izuku stops in the middle of the sentence as he’s incapable to continue thanks to your mouth being on his.

You can’t help it. Just… can’t. Your body moved on its own.

Izuku is irresistible. His gorgeous muscles, the veins on his arms, the softness of his wet skin, topped up with his kind words and pretty freckles is just too much after all this time; you wanted to touch him for so long, you wanted to feel him for months which honestly, feels like decades at this point… it feels like the love is about to burst out of your chest but there are no words strong enough to satiate your soul, to make it clear enough for the other the understand the depth of your feelings and your body is not listening to you anymore; the desire has festered into something unstoppable, it clouded your mind completely until there were no thoughts there just Izuku himself, freckled cheeks and pine green hair, the broccoli…

Wait.

“If this is your way to make this less awkward… it works.” Izuku kisses you back with a newly found vehemence, scorching hot yet so careful, but you don’t kiss back anymore… you push the man away like he just burned you, because… “Y/N? What’s wrong?”

“I forgot!”

“What?”

“How did I forget about it?” You whimper, completely ashamed of yourself. “I can’t believe I was so astonished by your… uhm… that I forgot to check it out! I’m the worst!”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, is the water too hot?” Izuku blinks at you, completely lost.

“The broccoli! I forgot about your broccoli! I can’t believe this!”

Izuku… bursts out laughing. He’s folded in half, his forehead basically cushioned by your boobs, shaking like a leaf from guffawing too hard.

“You pushed me away in the middle of a heavy, naked make-out session because you wanted to see my tattoo?” He looks into your eyes with an incredulous, but fond gaze.

“It’s important to me!” You mutter under your nose and Izuku doesn’t even answer you anymore; he just moves away and pushes his hip out, showing off his tiny, adorable broccoli tattoo sitting on his hipbone. You can’t stop your fingers from reaching out, caressing the colored skin with nothing but wonder in your eyes. “It’s so cute.”

Your boyfriend looks so much leaner than he usually does - you realize as you caress his strong hipbone, your fingers cheekily running over the dip by his waist.

Damn, you’ll never ever get over his thighs. Every time you look at them you remember his photoshoot with Mirko, the one that made Izuku a fashion icon, a genderless beauty because hell, Izuku is as manly as they get but… that man in Mirko’s costume kinda made you question your own sexuality.

Maybe you are just Izuku-sexual. He could be a man, a woman, someone between the two, hell, a fucking midget and you would still be attracted to him.

“You are so beautiful, Y/N.” Izuku sighs, right next to your ears. The fire burns even stronger inside you. The feeling only gets worse when his hand travels from your waist to the side of your breast, his thumb cheekily caressing the plump, soft skin. You make the mistake of looking down out of pure embarrassment just to be face to face with the proof of how much Izuku likes what he sees.

You can’t see it, but you can feel him staring at you; you look up and you are met with two heavily lidded eyes taking in the sight from the top of your head down to your feet, over and over. There is a new shine to them now, hot and scorching and you completely melt under that loving gaze; he takes that as a permission to take it further and starts peppering kisses all over your wet neck. You can’t help but move your hand into his soft, dripping curls; you clench your hand around the strands and Izuku makes a sinful sound which goes right into your center and the next few minutes are kinda a blur; things fall from the small shelving system inside the cubicle, someone slips, someone bites, someone moans, there is a constant pressure by your belly, something hard, but also soft to the touch, there are hands on your chest, on your back, on your thighs, everywhere, really.

Your whole body is on fire and so is his; the water is way too cold, but even that can not ruin the moment you two are having.

There are no thoughts in your head, just him. Izuku Midoriya. Midoriya Izuku. Calloused fingers and the feeling of scars under your hands, hard muscle and soft skin, bouncy curls, the scent of Izuku’s shower gel, which somehow decided to appear out of nowhere (he probably took it off the shelf while you were too busy kissing him senseless and actually decided to be useful and clean you up while touching you all over), there is so much going on yet your mind is completely empty.

This is what Izuku does to you on a daily basis. He comes close and you forget who you are.

The scent of Izuku’s shower gel only sends thrill down your spine; the knowledge that for the next few hours you’ll smell like him, taste like him just ignites your body once again, the flames even stronger than before, you can’t help but touch him, first just his arms, then the tattoo on his side, the back of his neck, his collarbone, then the soft hair right on top of his member. You didn’t touch him properly but a wanton moan leaves Izuku’s mouth right as your fingers start to caress the hair down there then suddenly, Izuku gently slaps your hand away from that area.

You don’t have time to freak out about “going too far”; the next moment your back hits the wall once again, your legs somehow make their way around the man’s extremely attractive waist then he slowly moves you lower and lower until you feel something soft but sturdy right between your folds, just like the last time you two enjoyed each other’s company in the hot tub.

“Tell me to stop.” Izuku whimpers right into your ears then ends his sentence by biting down on your ear. His whole body shakes from the restraint, his palms are aggressively gripping your side and the back of your neck; Izuku is doing his fucking best to not move his hips forward, to not let him feel the pleasure of the friction because once it’s done, there is no way back for him; there is a limit to his restraint, there is a limit to how much of this can Izuku take without losing his goddamn mind…

You tear Izuku’s walls down with one single movement, with just a tiny little friction and you both moan in tandem as the pleasure creates goosebumps on your skin, but maybe, it’s just the cold water coming from the shower head; it doesn’t matter though because your answer is loud and clear and that’s all it takes for Izuku to turn off the shower with one hand and manhandle you into a towel-burrito before he takes you to the bedroom like a princess, his teeth clattering from the cold.

You should feel shy and embarrassed. You should be freaking out when Izuku drops you down on the bed and towers over you with your boobs halfway out of your towel.

You don’t feel any of that. Neither is he.

It just feels… normal. Exciting.

“Finally…” Izuku giggles with excitement sparkling in his gorgeous eyes. He pulls the cover on top of you both and takes a few deep breaths to stop the shaking of his body; he waits a few minutes in silence, just staring at your chest and face, remembering it all while your bodies get warmer under the cover and the goosebumps are finally gone. You trace the old scars on his chest and his tummy, you give them all the love you possibly can without saying a single word. The silence isn’t awkward… this silence is… precious. It’s like there’s no need for words, no need for verbal communication because everything is written all over your faces, it’s in every single caress, every single kiss, every single sigh that leaves your mouths as you touch each other in new places. Your hand can’t get away from that perfectly trimmed bush on top of Izuku’s member so you find yourself there once again, just caressing the prickly skin, enjoying the way it feels under your fingertips.

The mood is calmer now, more mature but still full of those flames from before; it’s a weird, conflicting combination but it somehow works for you two. “Sweet pea.” Izuku whimpers while his free hand fondles your boob. You can’t help but moan into the air between you two as his thumps finds your bud and starts fiddling with it. “Can I show you how much I love you?” All you can do is nod weakly, your eyes full of tears. No one ever treated you like this, like you are a goddess who deserves to be worshipped, like every caress is a gift, like your body is something worth cherishing and you feel so loved already you kinda want to tell him to not even bother anymore, but you don’t have the heart to do that after looking into his half-lidded, excited eyes.

“Please.” You smile at your boyfriend happily. He bumps your foreheads together for a few seconds and smiles right back; this moment is special, it feels like there is a red string connecting you two together, the one that’s indestructible and infinite; the strings of faith are almost visible now as Izuku leans down to connect your chests, but maybe you are just too delirious and too aroused to be able to distinguish delusion from reality.

Izuku seals the deal with the hottest kiss known to mankind and you are halfway to your orgasm already and he haven’t even touched you yet.

“Plus Ultra!” Izuku gives you one last smile before he dives under the covers, right between your legs and you scream his name as you come in less than 3 minutes. Three. Fucking. Minutes.

He just… went in and… oh my god. Midoriya Izuku, goddamn Pro Hero Deku just… he’s… really talented with his tongue. Let’s just leave it at that.

You need 5 to 7 days to get over the fact that you just received the best oral you’ve ever had and it was from your favorite pro Hero who you are ridiculously in love with.

“Don’t worry, I’m not done.” You can feel Izuku’s smile on the inside of your thighs as he starts peppering kisses all over the area. It’s so loving and so careful, so slow yet so passionate… you can’t help but feel the arousal wake up inside you once again. “I really love your legs. I always wanted to kiss them. They are so soft and your thighs are so… ahh, I wanna sleep on them. They are better than the best memory foam pillow on the market. You also taste really nice. I think I’m becoming addicted.” Izuku goes back to the “treasure” and leaves tiny kisses all over your folds, teasing the most sensitive parts with his tongue to steal another taste. You can’t help but whimper; it’s extremely sensitive now but the touch is light enough to be pleasurable even in this state.

“I also love your tummy. Having a six pack is great, but I really enjoy soft and cute things.” Izuku adds with an obsessed tone which makes you blush like a virgin. “You are the softest and cutest of them all. I love you.” Izuku leaves a trail of kisses all over your tummy until he reaches your chest; he pops your bud into his mouth and does something with his tongue that makes you see stars; it almost feels like swirling water, soft and languid. It’s extremely hard to describe the feeling without comparing Izuku’s tongue to a tentacle, which, let’s be honest, would make this fanfiction so much dirtier than it really is.

“I’m not even going to try and give these two a justice with my words.” Is all Izuku says before he takes your other bud into his mouth to give it some love. If you think this can’t get more hot, you are wrong; Izuku starts to nibble your chest gently, sucking on the soft skin without leaving a mark, his eyes downright manic as he makes sure there isn’t a single millimeter left unloved.

Needless to say, you guys will need to change the sheets after this because well… you are soaking wet. Again.

You try your best to hide this information from your boyfriend for now because while Izuku is a man on a mission, you also have your own plans and knowing how much Izuku enjoys giving, he wouldn’t let you do anything today until your “situation” is “sorted.”

“Izu-Izu.” You rake your fingers through Izuku’s hair, clenching your fist on the top of his head just to hear him moan once again. And again. And again. Hell, Izuku has the most sinful moan, high pitched and weirdly feminine; he always tries to stop himself in the middle of the sound and the way his voice falters and breaks, then goes so high in the last one second… just makes your “situation” even worse. “Let me love you too, goddamnit!” You whine and moan at the same time. Izuku stops with his shenanigans for one second and that’s all you need to finally manage to roll him over and end up in his lap. You are not going to lie, it took all of your strength to be able to do that and you are panting a little bit but it was all worth it for the sight; he is blushing like crazy and he looks so lost now that he’s not in charge. You don’t even try to stop yourself from kissing him senseless, it’s physically impossible to do so.

“I feel like I’m going to explode.” You admit between two kisses. “Fucking hell, Izuku, are you even human? Is this another quirk of yours? Are you a lust demon? How can you do stuff like that with this adorable, innocent face? How?” You complain, while Izuku giggles. “Don’t fucking giggle, I’m serious!”

“I think I have a thing for being manhandled. I’m also about to explode.” He admits sheepishly with his hand wondering down to your bottom cheekily. You take a deep breath and move down to his belly, not letting him touch your private parts because it’s your turn now to love him endlessly and you want to do it without any distractions.

“Good. Suffer with me.” You retort cheekily and Izuku giggles once more. “You have so many freckles on your chest and tummy, I love it so much. I love your freckles, have I ever told you that?” You mumble as you kiss Izuku’s hard abs. His hands wander into your hair the same way yours did and you can kinda understand why is Izuku so hot and bothered when you do that to him.

“No, you didn’t.” Izuku chokes on air.

“Well, now you know.” You answer simply. “You have the body of a god, but I like your face the most. And your hair. And how some of your scars are softer to touch than your normal skin. I love the texture. Like this one.” Your hand moves up to Izuku’s pecks, caressing the massive scar on the side of his left breast. “You are so handsome but nothing is as pretty as your soul. Izuku, you look perfect from the outside but compared to you as a person, it’s fucking nothing. If I would have a quirk I would want to be able to go inside your soul… just so I can kiss it senseless.” You make no sense. You are aware of it. No need to comment on it. How the fuck are you supposed to stay coherent in this situation?! It doesn’t feel real. It’s too fucking good to be real.

A tiny sob cuts through the tension and you emerge from the covers to look into your boyfriend’s eyes. Of course, he’s crying. “You are such a crybaby.” You smile down at him with nothing but fondness. “My little crybaby. I love you so much.” You leave a tiny kiss on his mouth.

“No one… ever… made me feel like this.” Izuku admits between two sobs. “Like I’m the best thing in the whole world. No one ever managed to actually make me believe them, but you… you make it sound like it’s possible that I’m not… a failure. I feel so loved I don’t know what to do with it.”

“Enjoy it. You deserve it. You are the best thing, at least for me.” You leave tiny kisses on your boyfriend’s neck to divert his attention.

“And you are the best thing, for me.” He retorts with a sigh. “I want to build a shrine to you and pray for your well-being every day. I want to do this every day… I want to eat and drink YOU, I want to become YOU… I want us to become one and stay like that forever, because I’m the best thing only because you are next to me. Fuck, that doesn’t make any sense and it sounded so much cooler in my head…” Izuku mutters shyly, looking at the wall due to his embarrassment.

“Let’s become one, then. We can’t stay like that forever, but… I want… uhm…” you mumble with a red face as you move one of your hands under the covers to caress his painfully hard member with one finger. Izuku almost chokes on his saliva just from this one touch. It fills you with pride.

You absolutely enjoy the way Izuku is writhing under you, his face contorted by the pleasure while your hand moves on his member up and down, slow but steady. He doesn’t let you enjoy the game for too long; one second you are in charge then the next your back hits the soft bed once again and Izuku’s finger finds his way to his folds, slowly easing the first finger inside, followed by the second almost immediately.

“Sweets… you really like me this much?” Izuku moves his fingers around your folds to feel the wetness around the area. You can’t help but look away shyly, completely embarrassed from being so excited. Your plan failed. Goddamnit.

“Sorry…”

“What? No! Don’t be!” Izuku freaks out for a split second. “I’m just… really happy. I loose my confidence in bed really quickly but you make it so easy for me. Your whole body speaks to me, it tells me it’s okay, that this is good for you and I’m so thankful.” Izuku slowly eases the third finger in; a quiet whimper leaves your mouth as he starts scissoring inside to make this as easy for you as possible. “I’ll make sure to thank you by being the best partner now and forever. Sweets… Y/N… can I…”

“Fucks sake, Izu, yes. You can do whatever you want. I’m yours and you are mine. That’s all I need to know.”

“Okay.” Izuku nods, clearly spiraling a little bit. “Yeah, uhm, I’m gonna get the… stuff. Just stay here.”

“Damn, I was about to run out for some coffee.” You add jokingly, but Izuku is on a mission and he can’t understand sarcasm…

“I’ll get you some coffee from the kitchen, then!”

You start laughing like a maniac.

“Oh my god, I was joking, you silly. Hurry up!”

“Oh… I’m an idiot.” Izuku takes the box of condoms out of his backpack. You will make sure to ask him later about the fact that he had some with him… Cheeky little fuck.

You also try your best to not stare at that perfect butt. Damn, you are eating well today!

He has a few stretch marks on his back, but it’s only visible when you look really closely; which you do because you can’t help yourself, even though you literally just said that you won’t.

“Yeah, but you are my idiot. Now get back here and love me.” You continue to stare at that perfect peach, but Izuku turns around and you look away swiftly because the front is just as delicious as the back and you honestly don’t think you can take more of this right now. It’s quite comical how the color of his broccoli tattoo is the same as his hair down there; its a little bit sad how you’ll never be able to boast on your “Deku lovers” group chat about it. They would probably laugh in your face anyway, thinking you are a liar because there is no way the perfect pro hero Deku has a silly little broccoli tattoo.

“Okay.” Izuku grins with a flushed face and barges back into the bed, right into your arms.

He starts peppering kisses all over your neck, giggling happily like a schoolboy, then moves back to your face to leave another scorching hot kiss on your mouth while his hand slowly wonders down to your intimate areas to make sure you are ready for the “good stuff.”

It takes all your self-restraint to not come from the sight on top of you; Izuku’s hair is disheveled and he looks so fucking out of it that you would think he’s being touched himself, but your hands are in his hair and you feel no friction anywhere on your body which means he just… enjoys pleasing you so much it makes him look like he’s five seconds from coming. His fingers stop moving and he slowly retracts them, leaving you empty and sad for a split of a second but then he puts the condom package into his mouth and tears it open while keeping eye contact with you the whole time and you swear you see stars. Izuku is just too much. Too hot and too dirty but also so innocent and loving, it just doesn’t make sense, really… but…

“Are you ready, Sweets? Tell me if it hurts, okay? Promise me.” He looks at you worriedly and your heart just melts inside your chest and becomes nothing but a big lump of goo.

“I promise… OH MY GOD.” You almost yell as you feel the first few centimeters inside you. Izuku bites his lips once and takes a few deep breath, not moving, just waiting for you to get used to the sting, to the almost foreign sensation because damn, the man isn’t small and it has been ages you’ve been in this situation with anyone. “I’m fine, I’m fine, keep going, Izu.” You try to reassure him as best as you can. It starts to feel really good down there even though he’s not even halfway in.

He slowly moves further and the sting is back but it’s not as bad as it was before; it really quickly turns into an intoxicatingly amazing sensation that makes your whole body tremble and Izuku drops his face on your chest, his whole body shaking like a leaf.

“Relax or I’ll really embarrass myself. Please. You feel too good. Why didn’t we do this sooner?” He mutters into your breasts and if you wouldn’t be so aroused you would have laughed in his face for being so cute, but…

“You can move. Please. Move.” You stutter as a sudden wave of pleasure hits you just right. Izuku doesn’t say anything just moves back to his original position and slides out a bit and then back again and you are so happy everyone is out and about because you are quite sure the whole neighborhood just heard you moan. “Izu…”

“I think I’m going to cry again, but it’s happy tears.” Izuku admits sheepishly while he starts a slow but steady pace. His moans are quiet and his voice breaks quite frequently but there is something about it that makes you tremble in pleasure; probably the fact that you are the reason he sounds like that, deep but also squeaky, you are the reason his face is flushed from all the bliss… you feel so lucky to be able to experience this, to feel all this love, to be the reason for Izuku’s happy tears; you are so thankful for taking that big leap of faith by moving in with a stranger all those months ago.

“I love… love you. Izu. Izuku.” You stutter as Izuku’s pace picks up and you are absolutely incapable to think from this point; you both moan each other’s name in tandem as you chase your orgasms, Izuku clearly tries his best to keep his focus on you, to listen to where and how it feels the best and slowly but surely that pleasant feeling starts to build up with every thrust Izuku delivers to the right spot; Izuku’s arms start to tremble and it makes you stop for a second; this shaking doesn’t seem to be from the pleasure and Izuku looks a little bit stressed as you look into his eyes so you put your hand on his chest, silently asking for him to stop.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Izuku starts to apologize but you are not having any of that.

“Lay down.” You command kindly. Izuku looks utterly confused for a second but he does it anyway. You don’t give him a single warning before you sit in his lap with your hands perched on his naked, beautifully sculpted chest and slowly ease yourself back down on his length. Izuku’s face contorts in utter pleasure, now that his arms are not hurting anymore and you pat yourself on the back inside your little mind palace for realizing something is wrong even while your mind was clouded by all the new sensations. “Good boy.” You caress Izuku’s muscly chest. Izuku moans loudly and moves his hip upwards, finding that special point once again, even in this new position.

Izuku looks ethereal from this point of view; his hair is splayed out on the white pillow, no curly strand the same as the other, his face is flushed and his eyes are sparkling like a rare gemstone, gaze full of love and lust and by that look on his face, he doesn’t mind this position either; every single movement makes his face scrunch up, his moans becoming hiccups and silent pleas to keep doing what you are doing, just like that, and it barely takes 10 more minutes for you two to feel the coil inside your tummy snap, Izuku doing the same a few more thrusts later.

You’ve never come this hard before. Your body shakes violently and you barely keep yourself up right while Izuku moves his hips up and down really slowly to prolong this amazing feeling, tears prickle your eyes from the pleasure, and once the feeling is gone you collapse on Izuku’s chest; you didn’t realize how much you strained your legs by doing this until you came down from your high, but when it it hit, you couldn’t help but whimper, this time, from the pain.

There are some other parts of your body that feel a tiny bit funny right after you two separate with a whimper, but honestly, you’ve seen that coming.

“I’ve never done this this way.” Izuku admits shyly.

“Never?” You look up at your boyfriend as you slowly move to his side; you need to lay down properly for a second. Everything is spinning.

“No. It was always… me doing everything. I want to do this again. And again. And again.”

“I’ll need to hit the gym then.” You giggle to yourself and seeing your boyfriend’s confused face, he doesn’t really understand the problem. “Izuku, this position… needs a lot of leg muscles. I don’t have any. I’m quite sure I pulled at least one muscle in both of my legs.”

“I’m more than happy to help you with that!” Izuku sits up excitedly. You give him a side eye. “Not like that, you silly! Actual training! And that, too, of course, but only if you want to do it again. I’m okay with anything until it’s you.”

You want to put this man on a plate and eat him. How can he be so sweet?!

“I love you, you weirdo.” You giggle into his hair then you leave a tiny kiss on his neck as a silent thank you.

“I love you too, Sweets. Let’s have a few minutes of rest then let’s go to the onsen.”

“Oh my god, the onsen sounds magical right now.” You sigh, utterly pleased. “Izu?”

“Hm?”

“Are you happy?”

“I’m the happiest fucking freak in the whole wide world, Sweets.” He smiles. “Are you happy?”

“I think I’m high on happiness.” You pant, exhausted.

“Good. Me too.”

… to be continued!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Potato ramble:

- I can’t believe this finally happened! Honestly, I’m not a big fan of writing these kind of things but even I was excited about this to finally happen because the tension was absolutely ridiculous! 😂 Not gonna lie, I have many other ideas about what this version of Izuku likes but I probably won’t be able to use them as they would be too dirty for this otherwise innocent story. 😂 I love these two so much, they are so perfect for each other!

- I hope you guys are okay. Sorry for not responding to your lovely comments, I read them all and I send you all hugs! I hope I will see you soon but to be honest with you, I don’t think it will be sooner than 4 weeks, maybe more if shit goes south in my life.

- There will be changes to my uploads when I come back, I’ll leave a note for you guys once we get to it. I might need you to answer some questions too, because I have no idea what to do 😂

- Random personal ramble: so funny story about my recent life; I went home to my home country to see my mom and I told her about how much I want an airfryer but I don’t really have space for it nor money to spare. I didn’t know she actually owns one so I got really excited when I saw it! A day after I came back to England there was an Amazon order on my doorstep that I didn’t order. Guys, my mom went on Amazon and bought me an airfryer. I’ve been making cakes and baked apples every day since. Get an air fryer if you can. It’s amazing. Thank you for listening. 😂

Here’s a quick, delish recipe for you: get some apples, cut them in half, get rid of the stem, put a bunch of Nutella in it then sprinkle cinnamon on top (or pour half of the bottle on it like I do. Lol). Bake it for 40 mins on 160C. You are welcome. (You can also use dark chocolate instead of Nutella if you wanna make it healthier. You can also hide a walnut inside. Omnomnom.

- I’ll shut up now. Tell me your thoughts!

TL: @garfieldthomas @porusuniverse @stickygumchewer @sixxze @mily-moo @aei-sedai-moiraine @aymasakusa @katsuari @kenzie-deadly @shiviwrites07 @lukerycyja-reblogs @cloroxisadelectabletreat @coffeent @kisskissshutmydoor @bobcar1 @yazminetrahan @cringefan @ronimacaroni77 @themultifandomgirl @dangerousluv1 @emperatris-rinaka @shotos-angelic-whore @angelsdemonsmonsters @norvacaine @rei165 @unofficialmuilover @yao-ai @happydragonfrog @eeerreehhh @vinivave @alyss-eiz @sleepisfortheweakpooh

[stylesispunk]

"I couldn't want you anymore" | part 9

Artist!Joel Miller x florist!reader

series masterlist | previous chapter | next chapter

summary: when Sarah's mom comes back into Joel's life to fight for their past relationship, Joel needs to convince her he is in a happy relationship with the florist next to his gallery in order to make her go away. The problem is, that he and the florist can't stand each other's guts or that it's what he thinks.

warning: time jump, age gap (8 years), remember bee is reader's nickname, reader overthinks a lot in this one, unnecessary angst(because sad me, sad writing) fluff.

a/n: Okay, chapter 9 is here! The last chapter flopped so bad, so I hope you like this one because is more than 7k words, so give it love, please. It's kinda sad when there's no feedback at all. Reblogs and comments are appreciated. The next chapter may be the last one. Happy reading.

masterlist

One year later, 

You and Joel have been dating for a year and have lived together for two weeks. You've enjoyed a lovely year together. Cooking together in the kitchen, quiet Sunday mornings with breakfast in bed, and the simple delight of coming home to one another after a long day had become treasured in both of your routines. 

You couldn’t lie. You wouldn’t imagine this thing happening. Five years ago, you and Joel couldn’t even spend a minute together without wanting to murder each other, and now you were so in love that both of your hearts could burst into flames. 

And today, on your first anniversary as an official couple, the day had started wonderfully okay. Joel surprised you with a beautifully arranged bouquet he made himself with flowers from your shop, a delicious breakfast in bed for you, and a promise of a dinner at night in a restaurant he had reserved for you to enjoy a romantic dinner. 

He left a little earlier than you this morning since he needed to finalize some negotiations with some prominent and important painters who wanted to exhibit their work in his gallery. You were proud of him, so you didn't reach for him as much as you normally did because this day was also significant to him. So, you went about your business as normal, selling flowers and delivering a wonderful cup of tea or coffee to passers-by, occasionally stealing glances at the gallery, hoping everything was going well for Joel.

So as the evening started to envelop the clear sky, and you were closing the door of your shop, you noticed Joel’s truck was missing. You thought he had maybe gone home before you to get ready, but as soon as you arrived there, he wasn’t there. You called him, but the calls weren’t answered, and the messages neither. Still, not thinking negatively, you went upstairs to get ready.

You choose a black silky fabric flowing elegantly around you that you bought just a few days ago for this night. Despite the excitement of the evening, a flicker of concern about Joel's absence lingered in the back of your mind. You dismissed it, attributing it to the busyness of the day. As you applied a touch of makeup and styled your hair before heading to the restaurant, perhaps he was already there waiting for you. 

But as night arrived, you were alone in a restaurant where you were both supposed to have dinner to celebrate your anniversary, and he hadn’t shown up. 

The restaurant's ambient lighting cast a soft glow on the empty chair across from you. The anniversary celebration that started with a beautifully arranged bouquet of flowers had taken an unexpected turn as the minutes ticked by, and Joel was nowhere to be seen. The anniversary celebration, which had begun with a beautifully arranged bouquet of flowers, had taken an unexpected turn as the minutes passed, and Joel was nowhere to be seen.

Doubt crept into your mind, and you found yourself checking your phone for any missed messages or calls. The disappointment grew with each passing moment, and you couldn't shake the feeling of being stood up on a day meant for celebration.

The waiter approached with a sympathetic smile. "Is everything alright, miss? Would you like to order or perhaps wait a bit longer?"

You sighed, your faint smile masking your disappointment. "I'll give it a bit more time, thank you."

The restaurant's vibrant ambiance became a backdrop to the quiet anguish within as you waited. Your mind raced with questions: was there an emergency? Has he forgotten? You tried calling Joel, but his phone went directly to voicemail.

The minutes felt like hours, and the celebration, which was supposed to be full of joy and shared memories, became a lonely wait at a table set for two.

You eventually opted to leave, with the burden of disappointment weighing heavily on your shoulders. As you paid for the untouched dinner, the server showed real concern, giving gentle words of comfort.

The city lights seemed to blend as you stepped out into the night, through a mix of crystal tears and unresolved questions. 

You paused at the door when you arrived home, unsure of what to expect.

You looked at your phone, expecting a message or call with an explanation. Nothing. When you entered the house, the lights were still turned off, so you walked to your shared bedroom, but Joel was not there. You took off your clothing, grabbed your pajamas, and walked to the bathroom to remove your make-up and go to bed. Just as you were finishing, the sound of a close downstairs interrupted your thoughts.

Joel entered the bedroom and smiled at you, visibly drunk. 

The air in the room shifted with relief, guilt, and possibly a hint of defiance from your side as he took in your gaze. Joel stumbled slightly as he approached you.

"Love” he slurred; his words not entirely coherent. "I'm sorry. Lost track of time”

Your disappointment transformed into hurt and frustration, and a growing concern for the person before you. The scent of alcohol clung to him, and the Joel you had known, thoughtful and present, seemed distant.

"Why didn't you call?" you gently asked, yet your voice was cold as ice.

He attempted a nonchalant shrug, but it was unsteady. "Phone died. It's just a celebration, Bee. We can have another one."

As you looked at him, all the beautiful moments of the past year felt overshadowed by this moment.

You took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "Just a celebration?” you asked, clearly hurt. “You understand that we hated each other's guts for years and now we’re together, even living together.”

“Those artists want to display their work on my galley, Bee. I wanted to celebrate because it is important to me.”

“And I’m not?” you asked, feeling small. “Am I not important to you?”

Joel's unsteady behavior appeared to grow worse as your questions hung in the air. Your words sunk into the silence, generating a noticeable tension.

"No, Bee, that's not what I meant," he mumbled "Of course, you're important. It's only... This offer surprised me, and I got carried away. "I made a mistake."

Your heart ached at the disparity between your expectations and the reality of the situation. The celebration you had envisioned, a symbol of your shared journey, now lay in fragments.

"But why didn't you communicate?" you pressed; your voice filled with hurt. "A simple call, a message. I was waiting, Joel. I was excited about tonight."

He ran a hand through his hair, a gesture that usually conveyed frustration, but now it seemed tinged with remorse. "I know, Bee. I messed up big time. I'm sorry."

The distance between your expectations and the reality of the situation crushed your heart.

"But why didn't you tell me?" you pressed, your voice tense. "A simple phone call, a message. Joel, I was waiting for you.  I was looking forward to tonight."

He ran his fingers through his hair, a usually impatient behavior that now appeared tinged with guilt. "I understand, Bee. I made a huge mistake. I apologize."

You didn’t say a word. He knew it was better to have you shouting at him than giving him this cold silence. If he had only told you about it before acting so careless about your feelings. If only he weren’t the person who always messed up with your heart. 

“Where are you going?” he asked, as you grabbed your pillow. 

You turned to face Joel; pain still fresh in your eyes. "I don’t want to sleep next to you tonight.” 

“Can we talk in the morning?” He quietly asked.

The weight of unspoken words and not resolved emotions weighed heavily on the silence that followed. You shut the guest room door behind you, leaving Joel alone in the quiet bedroom.

When he woke up the next morning, the first thing he noticed was the absence of your warmth next to him, and his heart hurt because of how thoughtless he had been the night before. His head was killing him, and when he eventually opened his eyes, he found a glass of water and a pill next to him, along with a message:  

"Take them, so your stupid head doesn't hurt anymore." 

He grinned, knowing that even when you were upset with him, you still found a way to take care of him.

After some time, he was freshened up and dressed. He made his way downstairs, finding Sarah pouring a glass of orange juice, 

“Good morning Dad,” she said.

“Morning baby girl”, he kissed her temple. “Where’s Bee?”

“She left earlier. She left breakfast done for us though, especially for you” she said, signaling at the pancakes and orange juice on the table.

“What did she say?” 

She grabbed the piece of paper with the note you had left for Joel about his breakfast.

Sarah handed the note to Joel, and he read your words:

“Breakfast is ready for you, even if you're a big dummy sometimes. Make sure to eat. We can talk later.

-Bee"

Joel sighed, realizing the gravity of his actions. The note reflected a mix of care and disappointment, a sentiment he knew he had to address.

Joel sighed, realizing the gravity of his actions. The note reflected a mix of care and disappointment, a sentiment he knew he had to address.

"Thanks, Sarah," he said, genuinely grateful for the effort you had made even when upset. "I'll talk to Bee later."

“So, what did you do?” she asked,

Joel hesitated for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "I made a mistake, Sarah. I let something else take priority over what really matters. It wasn't fair to Bee.”

Sarah's expression was a mix of interest and concern. "Is Bee mad at you?"

Joel gave a sad nod. "She is, indeed. She has every right to be so. "I ruined our celebration and hurt her feelings."

Sarah crossed her arms, thinking about her father's behavior. "What are you going to do about it?"

Joel groaned, with an enthusiastic look in his eyes. "I'm going to apologize and make amends." I care deeply about Bee, and I don't want to mess things up."

Sarah smiled encouragingly at him. "Have you noticed she seems more sensitive these days?"

Joel rubbed his brow as he considered Sarah's observation. "Do you think so?" "Why did you say that?"

Sarah shook her head. "I'm not sure, just an observation. Perhaps it's because you and she are becoming more serious, and she is becoming more invested in everything."

Joel nodded "You could be right. That is something I need to be more aware of. Thank you for bringing it to my attention, kid."

"Oh," she remembered, "she was throwing up in the morning, maybe she is sick?"

Sarah let out a sigh. "I'm not sure, Dad. Maybe she didn't want to bother you after last night."

Joel's expression was a mix of concern and sadness. "I messed up big time."

Sarah stroked his shoulder. "Go talk to her, Dad." Make everything right. And perhaps you could bring her some soup or something. Isn't that what you do when someone is sick?

Joel laughed. "Right. Thank you so much, darling. "I'll take care of it." With renewed enthusiasm, he set out to find you and talk. 

Sarah continued, encouraged by her father's acknowledgment, "Just make sure she knows you're sorry and that you care about her." You can't afford to make a mistake here, Dad."

Joel chuckled at his daughter's insight. "You are completely correct. I'll do all in my power to set things right." He then excused himself to find you and deal with the mess he had made.

Joel returned Sarah's smile, acknowledging her perspective. "I am, kid. More than I ever imagined I could be."

Once he arrived at the gallery, he got out of the car. The first thing he did was look at your flower shop. And there were you, outside, laughing at something an old lady was telling you while you were serving her some tea at one of the tables you had outside of the flower shop.

As you were there, he couldn’t help but think how lucky he was you that loved him. You were effortless, beautiful and a kind soul he sometimes thought he didn’t deserve.

Joel took a moment to observe you from a distance, a small smile playing on his lips as he watched the interaction between you and the old lady. He felt a mixture of warmth and gratitude, knowing that you were a significant part of his life.

He approached the flower shop, gathering his bravery. You looked up from serving tea as he cleared his throat, your gaze catching his.

You smiled politely, but your eyes were a little unsure. 

"Who is this handsome man?" the old lady asked, seeing you two connect. 

Joel laughed, enjoying the playful interruption. "My name is Joel. I'm her boyfriend," he said, hoping his introduction wasn't too bold.

The elderly lady's eyes twinkled with delight. "Well, Joel, aren't you a lucky man? This lady has a golden heart."

The compliment made you blush, and you were happy for the distraction. "Oh, Mary, please stop. This is Mary, a regular customer and close friend."

Joel returned his gorgeous smile as he offered a hand to Mary. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mary." Bee frequently mentions you."

Mary placed his hand in hers, shaking it firmly. "Oh, she does? So, young man, you'd better take good care of her."

Joel nodded; his gaze fixed on yours. "I plan to."

Joel returned his attention to you as Mary excused herself. "Can we talk, Bee?"

You appeared conflicted for a moment, then you relented and guided him into the shop.

The aroma of fresh flowers enveloped both of you once you entered. Although the tone was light, there remained an undercurrent of unresolved anxiety. You stepped behind the counter, raising an eyebrow at Joel.

"What kind of flowers are we looking for today, sir?" you asked politely.

Joel grinned, appreciating your willingness to play along. "I'm thinking about something bright that says 'I'm sorry for being an idiot'?"

You chuckled, grabbing a mix of vibrant blooms. "Ah, the classic apology bouquet. Popular choice."

Joel leaned on the counter, watching you work. "So, Bee, about last night..."

You interrupted, holding up a finger. "Let me finish this one, and then we can talk. You're not off the hook just yet."

He nodded, a playful glint in his eyes. "I'm at your mercy, flower queen.”

Once the bouquet was ready, you handed it to Joel. "There you go, the 'I'm Sorry' special. Now, talk."

Joel took the bouquet, his eyes softening. "I messed up, Bee. I should have prioritized you over the gallery celebration. I'm truly sorry."

You sighed, leaning against the counter. “It’s not about that. You could have told me, but instead you treated our anniversary as nothing important to you.”

Joel's expression turned more earnest as he listened to your words. "Bee, you're right. I should have communicated better. I didn't mean to make you feel unimportant. Our anniversary means everything to me."

You looked at him, the frustration giving way to a softer understanding. "I just want us to be on the same page, Joel. We're in this together."

He nodded, his eyes shining with sincerity. "I understand, and I apologize for my error." I promise I'll make it up to you."

You cracked a little smile at him. "Actions, Joel, speak louder than words. Remember? I know that living together is something different now, and maybe you felt a little stifled by my presence at – 

"Don't you ever say that again," he interjected seriously. The increased passion in Joel's voice surprised you. His eyes pierced into yours. "I don't feel suffocated, Bee. Not even for a second. It's what I want to have you here, sharing our lives. It's something I've always wanted."

His sincerity resonated, and you felt a warmth spreading in your chest. You nodded, the unspoken understanding settling between you two. "Okay, Joel. I believe you."

He reached for your hand; his grip gentle yet reassuring. "I love you, Bee. And I don't want you to ever doubt that."

A soft smile played on your lips.

“Come here” he said.

You walked around the counter to be close to him and allowed him to put his arms around your middle, you kissed his neck.

“Sarah told me you threw up this morning, are you sick?” he questioned, worried. 

You sighed, feeling the warmth of Joel's embrace. "I think it's just a stomach bug or something. It happens."

He tightened his grip on you, concern evident in his voice. "Have you seen a doctor?"

"Not yet," you admitted, "but I'll schedule an appointment if it persists."

Joel's fingers traced comforting circles on your back. "Take care of yourself, Bee. I hate seeing you unwell."

You chuckled; the vibration felt against his chest. "I'm a tough. A little bug won't bring me down."

He kissed the top of your head. "Still, let me know if you need anything. And about last night..."

You looked up at him, and he continued, "I'll make it up to you, Bee. I promise."

You nodded, feeling grateful for his understanding. "I know you will, Joel."

A few days later, Joel kept true to his promise. He had planned a surprise meal for you at a nice restaurant, and he led you inside with a slight smile on his lips. The atmosphere was cozy, with soft lighting and a bouquet of your favorite flowers on the table.

As you settled into your seats, Joel took a moment to gaze at you, admiration evident in his eyes. "I've been thinking a lot about us," he began, sincerity lacing his words. "I know I messed up our celebration, and I want to make it up to you."

"It's okay," you murmured as you took his hands in yours as you smiled at him.

Joel had chosen a dimly lit restaurant for your date, with a pleasant setting that set the tone for a romantic evening. You and Joel shared a lovely supper while telling stories and laughing. You couldn't help but feel a sense of warmth and connection as the night proceeded.

Joel made every effort to remain attentive throughout the meal, engaging in significant conversations and making you feel appreciated. You felt a wave of nausea as dessert arrived. Excusing yourself, you dashed to the restroom, hoping to alleviate the bad feeling.

While you were gone, Joel recognized one of the artists he had celebrated with the night before. She was seated at the bar when she noticed Joel and decided to start a conversation.

The artist, an attractive and confident woman, started to flirt with Joel. He tried to keep the talk light and professional, but the girl appeared determined to inject a little humor into their conversation. You came from the restroom just in time to see their conversation, unnoticed by Joel.

As you approached, you noticed the exchange between Joel and the artist. Your brows furrowed, and a tinge of jealousy crept into your heart.

“Excuse me” you interrupted as the woman caressed Joel’s arm, “What’s happening here?”

Joel turned, a slightly surprised expression on his face as he saw you standing there. The artist, still oblivious to Joel's relationship status, greeted you with a friendly smile.

"Oh, hi there! she said, extending a hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize Joel was here with someone."

You shook her hand, trying to maintain composure. "Hi. Who are you?"

"I'm Michelle, one of the artists from the gallery," she replied. "Joel and I were just chatting about some upcoming exhibitions.” She smiled at you through her teeth, not happy about the interruption. “Who are you?”

You glanced at Joel, who seemed to sense the tension. “His girlfriend” you said, simply. 

The woman seemed speechless for a moment. “I didn’t know he had a girlfriend” she said.

“Well, you know now.”

“How long have you both been dating?” she asked, mostly to Joel.

“A year” he said, proudly, smiling at you.

“It’s not a long time” she said.

You raised an eyebrow, unamused by her comment. 

"It's long enough for us." Joel said.

“And- “

“Oh my god, if you have so many questions why don’t you sit with Joel and talk” you spoke “I’m going home” you said, already walking out of the restaurant. 

Joel hastily followed you out of the restaurant, catching up with you just as you reached the sidewalk. He grabbed your arm gently, turning you to face him.

"Bee, wait. I'm sorry about that. I had no idea she'd do that."

You sighed, looking into his sincere eyes. "I know you didn't invite that. It's just frustrating sometimes."

"I get it," Joel said, running a hand through his hair. "But you didn’t have to act like a child, bee. She is a really prestigious and important artist for the gallery”, he added, acting angrily.

You felt a twinge of frustration at Joel's comment. "I'm not acting like a child, Joel. I just didn't expect to see you being flirted with so blatantly, especially on our anniversary celebration. It caught me off guard."

"Let's just go home and forget about this, okay?"

“No” he said, grabbing you from your wrist, taking you off guard. “You have been overreacting lately, what’s happening to you?”

You winced at his sudden grip on your wrist, the unexpected force surprising you. Joel's frustration was evident, and you could feel the tension building.

"I'm not overreacting," you said, your voice steady but trembling with your own frustration. "I just didn't like seeing you getting flirted like that. Maybe I didn't handle it perfectly, but it bothered me."

Joel released his grip, "Bee, I just want you to trust me. Nothing happened, and I wouldn't let anything happen. You don't need to get defensive."

You took a step back, rubbing your arm where he had held you. "I trust you, Joel. It's not about that. It's just... I don't know. Maybe I'm more sensitive lately."

“Why?” he continued. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, okay?” you sobbed, ashamed of yourself. “Can we just go home?”

Joel nodded, realizing that pressing the issue any further might not be the best decision. He unlocked the car door for you, and you both climbed inside for the ride home. The mood inside the car was tense, due to a mix of unresolved stress and an equal need to move on from recent events.

However, during the drive, you started feeling a bit dizzy. The events of the evening, the unexpected encounter, and the rush of emotions seemed to take a toll on you. You leaned back in the seat, closing your eyes to quell the uneasiness.

Joel noticed your discomfort and became concerned. "Bee, are you okay? You seem a bit off."

You took a deep breath, trying to shake off the dizziness. "I think it's just everything catching up with me. I'll be fine."

But as the car continued its journey home, the dizziness persisted, and you couldn't shake the feeling that something more than just the events of the evening was affecting you.

Joel's worry deepened, and he reached over to gently place a hand on your shoulder. "Maybe we should stop by the hospital, just to be sure."

You shook your head, attempting to muster a reassuring smile. "It's probably just fatigue. I'll rest when we get home."

However, Joel wasn't convinced. As you pulled into the driveway, he helped you out of the car, supporting you as you walked into the house. The uneasiness lingered, prompting Joel to insist on seeking medical advice.

"Let's at least call a doctor, Bee," he suggested, his concern etched across his face. "I want to make sure you're okay."

“I’ll go tomorrow,” you said.

Joel nodded hesitantly, knowing your hesitation. He led you to the couch and urged you to rest while he went to get a drink of water. The room appeared to spin as you sat there, and the unease in your gut continued.

When Joel returned, he handed you the water with concern in his eyes. "I know you're tough, but this isn't normal, Bee." Please have you checked out by a doctor tonight."

You took a sip of water while you pondered his statements. The dizziness and discomfort were fading away.

"I told you I'll go tomorrow. I'm better," you said with a faint smile.

"Okay"

After a few hours, in the middle of the night, Joel woke up to your absence beside him in bed. Instant worry creeped up in his body. Where would you be at this time of the night? He made his way downstairs, finding the little dim light of the kitchen on with no sign of you.

Joel's worried expression transformed into a mixture of relief and amusement as he saw you on the kitchen floor, eating ice-cream. 

"Love, what are you doing down here?" he asked, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Caught in the act, you looked up at him, your eyes wide with surprise. A moment of silence passed before you burst into laughter, the sound echoing through the quiet kitchen.

"I couldn't sleep, and I was craving something sweet," you explained between giggles.

Joel chuckled, joining you on the floor. "In the middle of the night? You're a true midnight snacker, aren't you?"

You nodded, still laughing. "Guilty as charged." You smiled at him again. “I didn’t get to finish my dessert at the restaurant.” 

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a warm embrace. "You never cease to surprise me, my love."

With a playful grin, you held up the ice cream container. "Want to join me?" 

Joel shook his head, feigning seriousness. "I'll pass. It's past my bedtime, you know."

“Are you going back to bed?”

Joel nodded, his playful smile lingering. "Yeah, I should. But if you're going to stay up, I might make an exception."

You laughed, shaking your head. "No, go back to sleep. I'll join you in a bit."

He pressed a gentle kiss on your forehead. "Alright, but don't stay up too late. I'll be waiting for you."

As Joel headed back to bed, you enjoyed the solitude of the quiet kitchen, savoring the ice cream. You didn’t know why you have been craving sweet snacks so much lately.

After a while, you decided to join Joel in bed, carrying the warmth of the content feeling you had after enjoying the midnight snack. The soft glow of the moonlight seeped through the curtains as you quietly entered the bedroom, finding Joel peacefully asleep.

Slipping under the covers, you cuddled up beside him, savoring the warmth and familiarity of his presence. As you closed your eyes, you fell asleep into the peaceful dream you have had in a long time.

In the following days, your unease persisted, prompting you to make an appointment with the doctor, as Joel had suggested. The clinic was calm, with the soft hum of medical equipment in the background. The scent of antiseptic filled the air, making you a bit more uncomfortable. 

Joel accompanied you to the doctor, his hand reassuringly holding yours throughout the process. As you anxiously waited for the results, your mind raced with thoughts about what might be causing your recent discomfort. The doctor, a friendly and reassuring figure, led you through the examination.

Finally, the doctor returned, a warm smile on their face “Congratulations, you’re pregnant.”

The news hung in the air, filling the room with a mix of shock and thrill. Tears flooded into your eyes as you realized the new life growing inside you, triggering an eruption of the mix of emotions.

As you left the clinic, a myriad of thoughts and emotions swirled within you. You decided not to immediately share the news with Joel, you were scared all over again. 

You had recently passed your first year of a relationship and you were both adjusting to your life living together. You felt anxious as you walked through the hallway of the hospital 

 the weight of the revelation settling in your mind. The hallway seemed longer than usual, and the white walls closed in on you, echoing your internal turmoil.

Joel, sensing your unease, gently placed a hand on the small of your back as you walked together. "Are you okay, Bee? How was it?”

You forced a smile, though your eyes betrayed some tears. "Yeah, just a lot on my mind. Let's talk about it later."

“Are you sure?” He stopped in his tracks to face you. “Love, don’t scare me” 

You faked the best of your smiles and nodded “I’m sure. Just a stomach bug. Let’s go” you said, walking ahead.

What if he didn’t want to have a baby with you?

Later that evening, as the three of you settled on the couch to watch a movie, the atmosphere was relaxed. Sarah, snuggled between you and Joel, seemed in high spirits.

"This is always fun, guys," she exclaimed, eyes flickering between the screen and both of you.

You and Joel shared a smile, enjoying the simplicity of your movie’s nights together. However, the air started to suffocate you. The characters on the screen welcomed a new baby, forcing Sarah to speak up.

"Hey, Dad," she began innocently, "wouldn't it be cool if Bee had a baby? I'd love a little sister."

You exchanged a glance with Joel, the topic catching you off guard. Joel's expression shifted, his features revealing a mix of surprise and hesitation. You sensed a sudden tension in the air.

"Uh, well, Sarah," Joel started carefully, "I think we're good as we are. Being a father again... it's not something I'm looking for."

Sarah's brow furrowed, processing Joel's response. "But you'd be such a great dad, and I'd be an awesome big sister!"

You placed a hand on Joel's arm, offering silent support. "It's okay, Sarah. Not everyone wants the same things in life, and that's perfectly fine."

Joel's comments had a heavy weight on your chest. Your thoughts raced as Sarah began to explain her naïve hopes for a new addition to the family. You weren't expecting this topic to come up tonight, and Joel's reaction left you crying with the silent secret growing within you.

The movie was playing on the screen, but your attention was wandering. You felt a rush of emotions, including disappointment, worry, and an increasing feeling of guilt for not telling Joel about the baby. The conversation had taken an unexpected turn, and you could feel the weight of the unspoken truth suffocating you.

Joel noticed the change in the mood. He looked at you with concern on his face. You had a decision at that point: tell the truth and or continue to bear the weight of the secret.

Once you were snug as a bug in bed, Joel was finishing putting on his t-shirt to join you in bed. The weight of the previous conversation was still pressing your heart. 

“Would it be so bad, tough?” You asked, breaking the silence without glancing at Joel.

“What?” 

“Having a baby with me” you said.

Joel paused, the significance of your words sinking in. He sat down on the edge of the bed, facing you. "Bee, it's not about whether it would be bad or not. It's just unexpected, and I didn't know you were thinking about that”

You two fell into a tense silence, the weight of the unspoken lingering in the air. You met Joel's eyes, searching for any sign of his feelings.

"I should have told you earlier," you admitted, your voice carrying a tinge of shame "I wanted to be sure before bringing it up."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's a big decision, Bee. We need to talk about it, consider everything."

Joel looked into your eyes, his expression earnest. "Bee, you're my future. I love you, and I want to build a life with you. But having a baby is a big step. We need to be sure we're ready for it."

There were no more words after that, so you chose to pretend you fell asleep feeling the weight of your thoughts; the words he had told and the secret in your belly settled in the middle of your two bodies. For the first time since you moved with him, he didn’t place his arm around your waist.

The next day wasn’t any easier. You woke up feeling nauseous, as your body had started signaling the beginning of changes. The morning light streamed through the curtains, casting a gentle glow on the room. Joel was already up, preparing breakfast in the kitchen.

As you walked into the kitchen, the aroma of eggs filled the air. Joel turned to greet you, but his expression was a mix of concern and uncertainty.

"Morning," you said, attempting a smile.

"Morning," Joel replied, setting a plate of pancakes on the table. "How are you feeling?"

“Good” you replied shortly, “I think I’m heading out earlier to the shop” you said, trying to escape from the uncomfortable conversation you were avoiding.

Joel nodded, his eyes lingering on you. "Alright, but we can't keep avoiding this. We need to talk about what's happening."

You sighed, knowing he was right but not ready to dive into that discussion just yet. "I know, Joel."

You said before heading out to the shop, you tried to focus on your daily tasks, but the undercurrent of tension followed you. The shop's familiar surroundings felt different, as if the walls themselves were aware of the unspoken secret. 

And the smell of flowers was making you vomit, but you had to keep this hidden for a little bit longer. 

Your thoughts kept returning to Joel and the talk you both needed to have while you arranged flowers and assisted clients, but because you were concealed in your shop, the chiming of the door distracted you from your own demons.

“I’m coming” you said, faking a happy tone. Just as you appeared in sight, you went frozen.

“This place looks as nice as I remember.” 

"Connell?!" you exclaimed; your surprise evident.

"In person" Connell replied with a gorgeous grin.

The doorbell chimed again, and a customer entered, giving you a moment to compose yourself. You exchanged pleasantries with the customer, all the while glancing at Connell.

Once the customer left, Connell took a step closer. "Surprised to see me?"

"More than surprised," you admitted, a mix of emotions bubbling inside you. "What brings you here?"

Connell's gaze travelled around the shop. "Just passing through town and thought I'd drop by. It's been a while." He smiled.

“I thought you hated me” you spoke.

Connell's smile faded, and he looked at you with sincerity. "Oh my God, I could never hate you. You just followed your heart but I never hated you.” A smirk creeped on his lips “Besides, I met someone, you know?”

You felt happiness at his revelation. "Really?" you exclaimed "I'm glad. Lucky person" you replied genuinely. "I hope you're happy."

Connell nodded. "Yeah, she's great. We met at the hospital, and things just clicked. Life has a funny way of working out sometimes."

Connell leaned against the counter. "So, how's life treating you? And Joel?"

A part of you hesitated, unsure of how much to share. "Life's... complicated. Joel and I are okay, I guess."

Connell raised an eyebrow. "Trouble in paradise?"

You sighed, choosing your words carefully. "It's not that simple. We're just figuring things out, you know?"

Connell nodded, a knowing look in his eyes. "Relationships are never easy. If you ever need to talk, I'm one video call away" he said. 

He genuinely cared for you. He had always had, and even now, when you weren't connected in a romantic way anymore, you were still a friend he was always going to protect. 

"Thanks, Connell. I appreciate that," you said, genuinely grateful for his support.

“But you look gorgeous. You’re glowing” he said, happily taking your form. “It’s like you-

Your smile faded a little at that.

“Are you…?” He asked.

You took a deep breath, hesitating for a moment before responding. "Yes, Connell, I am."

Connell's eyes widened in surprise, and he took a step back. "Wow! Well, that's... unexpected."

"Yeah, it is," you admitted, a mix of emotions coursing through you. "I found out yesterday, and I haven't told Joel about it yet."

Connell's expression shifted to one of concern. "Joel doesn't know?"

You shook your head. "Not yet. It's complicated, Connell. I-He said he doesn't know if he wants to be a father again." You felt a lump in your throat, and you started crying without a reason. Connell hug you tightly immediately, without hesitation. 

As you cried on his shoulder, the door chimed. 

“What’s going on here?” Joel’s voice broke at that moment. He wasn’t happy about the scene unfolding before his eyes.

“Is this why you had been acting so weird?”

Joel's eyes narrowed as he took in the scene. Connell released you from the hug, and you wiped away your tears hastily, a knot forming in your stomach.

"Joel," you stammered, "it's not what it looks like."

Connell stepped back, giving you space to explain. Joel's gaze shifted between you and Connell,with  confusion and concern on his face.

"What's happening, Bee?" Joel asked, his tone demanding an explanation.

You took a deep breath, trying to compose yourself. "Connell came to visit me, we were just catching up, and, well, emotions got the best of me."

Joel's expression remained stern, and he crossed his arms. "Catching up, huh?"

Connell, sensing the tension, spoke up. "Joel, I didn't mean to cause any trouble. I was just passing through and thought I'd say hi."

Joel's gaze didn't waver. "I think it's time for you to leave."

Connell nodded, shooting you a sympathetic look before heading toward the door. "Take care, Bee. I'll be around if you need to talk."

"Don't be an ass to her, you promised me that, remember" he warned, before stepping out.

As Connell left, the atmosphere in the room remained tense. Joel turned his attention back to you, waiting for an explanation.

You took a deep breath, meeting Joel's gaze with a mix of vulnerability and determination. "Joel, I didn't plan for Connell to show up like this. We were just talking. I didn't mean for it to become emotional."

Joel's expression remained stern, his arms still crossed. "Emotional? What kind of emotions are we talking about here?"

You hesitated, searching for the right words. "Connell noticed something, something I wasn't ready to share yet."

Joel's eyebrows furrowed. "Share? Bee, what are you talking about?"

You glanced away, a knot forming in your stomach “If I tell you I may lose you.”

“You’re losing me now, bee.” he warned. 

But you didn’t say anything, you were afraid.

“Then fuck you, Bee.” 

Joel turned and left the room, leaving you standing there with a sinking feeling in your chest. The once warm and hopeful atmosphere had turned cold and uncertain, and the road ahead seemed daunting.

Later that evening, you arrived home to find Sarah and Joel sitting at the dinner table. The atmosphere in the room was tense, and Joel's eyes held hurt and frustration. You took a deep breath, knowing the conversation couldn't be delayed any longer.

"Hey," you greeted, your voice carrying a hint of apprehension.

"Hey," Joel replied, his tone not better than yours.

Sarah glanced between the two of you, sensing the tension. "Is everything okay?"

You hesitated for a moment before responding. "Joel, we need to talk."

He nodded; his expression guarded. "Yeah, we do."

"I'm not staying tonight," you informed them. "I need some time away from you, and I'll be at Lily's."

Sarah's eyes widened, and she looked from you to Joel. "What's going on?"

You shot Joel a quick glance before turning back to Sarah. "It's just something we need to figure out, Baby girl. Don't worry"

Without waiting for a response, you headed upstairs to pack a bag for the night. The weight of the situation pressed on you as you grabbed a few essentials, unsure of what was going to happen tomorrow.

Joel followed you upstairs, the tension in the air palpable. As you started packing a bag, he stood in the doorway, unsure of how to approach the conversation. The atmosphere in the room felt heavy with unspoken words.

"Love, please," Joel finally spoke, his voice filled with a mix of frustration and concern. "You don't have to go."

You continued packing, avoiding eye contact. "Joel, I need some space to think. I can't stay here tonight."

He stepped further into the room, his gaze pleading. "I'm sorry for how I reacted. I shouldn't have said those things."

You sighed, pausing your packing but not turning to face him. "Joel, this is bigger than just tonight. We need to figure out what we both want and if we're on the same page."

He took a step closer, his hand gently resting on your shoulder. "Bee, I love you. I don't want you to go, especially not like this."

You met his eyes, seeing the sincerity in them. The conflict within you intensified, torn between the emotions inside you.

"I need time, Joel," you whispered, your voice shaky. "I need to understand why you don’t want the same things for us."

Joel's features softened, and he removed his hand, allowing you the space you needed. The room was filled with an uneasy silence as you zipped up your bag, your mind racing with thoughts and emotions.

"I messed up," Joel admitted, his voice carrying regret. "I love you, Bee. I don't want to lose you."

You closed your eyes, the weight of the situation pressing down on you. "You won't lose me" you clarified.

As you made your way to the door, the heaviness of your decision bore down on you. In your hurry, you stumbled, almost losing your balance. The bags in your hands threatened to spill, but just in the nick of time, Joel's strong arms caught you. His reflexes kicked in, and he steadied you, a mixture of concern and confusion in his eyes.

"Bee, be careful," he urged, his hands still on your arms. The warmth of his touch, even in this moment of tension, sent a shiver through you.

You winced, feeling the impact of the close call. The realization of your vulnerability sank in, and you instinctively placed a protective hand over your belly. Joel's eyes widened as he followed the movement.

Concern etched across his face; he gently placed a hand on your stomach. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

Your eyes met his, and in that shared gaze, Joel sensed something deeper. A silent understanding passed between you, and he connected the dots. It was like all his life passed in front of his eyes.

With a soft gasp, Joel whispered, "Are you...?"

You didn’t respond, instead you hold his hand placed over your stomach and gripped tightly as if this was the decisive moment in the course of your relationship.

but still, his features on his face were unreadable. You knew what those moments meant between you. The words say but nothing back in return. It was like all that night all over again and you couldn't bear silence once again. You weren't alone this time. Unable to endure the quiet any longer, you broke it with a whispered, "Joel." Your voice carried a mix of vulnerability and hope, seeking connection and understanding.

At that moment, Joel let go of you carefully, creating a bit of space between you two. His eyes continued to hold a mixture of awe and realization, and it was clear that the weight of the revelation was sinking inside him.

What he had to say was going to define the rest of your story.

a/n: Reader loves self-sabotaging.

tags 💌: @joeldjarin @borhapparker @fatima-marisa @kirsteng42 @paleidiot @harriedandharassed @runningmom94 @pedr0swh0r3 @ssacharcoalgrey @missladym1981 @littleshadow17 @sevillagrenada

[dnfao3tags]

Monthly Fic Roundup - February 2024

haven't been too active this month but here's your monthly recs!

as always, make sure to leave some love :]

— Turning Right on Red by jestbee (expl. | comp. | 4k) ; established relationship + car sex

George's stream has consequences.

— Drumroll, Please by starsgaze (snowdreamr) (gen | comp. | 5k) ; bed sharing + relationship study

Everything it is, and everything it isn’t. A proposal, of sorts. A half confession. Over all, the weight of wanting and the agony of bearing with it. Dream and George, deprived of meaning.

— GeorgeNotFound OnlyFans by Simplysmitten (expl. | comp. | 37k) ; sex work + secret identity

Fresh out of university and struggling to land a job in his field, George finds himself desperate for a way to make ends meet. While his friends have big dreams of blowing up on YouTube, George decides to make an OnlyFans profile. Shockingly, George goes viral on both platforms, making his money troubles a thing of the past, but maintaining his anonymity a constant worry. How funny is it that he manages to make a friend named Clay on both platforms?

— don't know how long it's going to take to feel okay (i had the best day with you today) by brokenlikeastitch (teen | comp. | 7k) ; dream's mom + established relationship

Three times George needed a mom and Dream's mom was there for him.

— what i wanted to hear by alisonsomething, dizzy (expl. | comp. | 3k) ; phone sex

George is in Los Angeles and Dream is in Florida. It’s not the first time they’ve been thousands of miles apart, and Dream can’t stop thinking about one very memorable conversation they had shortly before George’s visa was approved.

— Suction by tsundanire (expl. | comp. | 1k) ; nipple play

George trusts Dream completely. Trusts him enough with his most sensitive bits.

— wish that i could step into yours instead by Kore_Writes (teen | comp. | 12k) ; canon compliant + character study

A series of moments in Dream's life that George had always been there for him.

— he loves him more than anyone ever has in the history of man by brokenlikeastitch (teen | comp. | 14k) ; pov outsider

dream and george over the years through the perspectives of their friends

— the end of all things by womanhunt (teen | comp. | 9k) ; marriage (eloping)

“We should get married.” The words make Dream choke on the scrambled eggs in his mouth, and George just stares at him blankly as he coughs and takes a drink of his water. And, before he can overthink it, Dream gives in. “Ok, yeah. We should get married,” he nods to himself, reaching out to pull George’s hands apart and link their fingers together. “Did you mean, like, soon? Or?” “I mean, like, today.” George murmurs, eyes still not meeting Dream’s.

— my love by cqfnce (teen | comp. | 8k) ; patches the good cat

dream and george go last-minute shopping for patches' birthday

— daisies, daisies by snowdreamr (expl. | comp. | 15k) ; mpreg + future fic

On secrecy and patience. On learning how to embrace the unexpected.

— this is me trying by dizzy (teen | comp. | 5k) ; mental health issues + hopeful ending

Is this a cage? George's guts rebel against that, too. He fought to be here. This is the freedom from years of locking himself inside. He has no regrets. He doesn’t want anything to be different, except maybe that he could walk into a room without Dream or Sapnap looking at him like he’s not who they thought he was.

— Circling Back by Scoops (consciousness_streaming) (expl. | comp. | 15k) ; identity porn + coworkers

As a remote worker, George's only real friend at Pog Industries is Clay, the marketing genius who skyrocketed up the corporate ladder. Sure, maybe his work bestie is old and really bad at Fortnite, and they've never actually met, but they have each other's backs. And that's what's important. When a position on the Board opens up for George, it's Clay going to their CEO, Badboy Halo, to get him hired in the position. To George's amazement, it works. Now, he's moving to America the night before the infamous Pog Industries Christmas Party, and he's ready to put some names to faces.

— make a home on the cracks by lodestones (teen | comp. | 2k) ; baby fever + developing relationship

He’d be a good dad, Dream thinks—people are always telling him he’ll be good at it. It’s not anything all-consuming, but it’s a fantasy he still returns to every once in a while, dancing in the back of his mind whenever little kids approach him and ask for a picture. He catches himself daydreaming about it at least a thousand times more often after the first time he watches George interact with younger fans.

— George Not Found Is Stupid and Hides His Pregnancy From Dream For Two Whole Months by mario anon and apple anon (teen | comp. | 4k) ; mpreg

Hes pregnant it is all i know how to write

— executive session by dizzy (expl. | comp. | 1.7k) ; exhibitionism

Dream is a senate intern, and George is the guy he's about to fuck on the senate floor.

note: i've been fucking WAITING for someone to write a fic on this

— no thing's so sure that i can't learn to doubt it by brokenlikeastitch (teen | comp. | 11k) ; professors au

The closer he gets to George’s door, the louder the crying gets, and when he finally reaches the open doorway, he glances in to see a girl sitting across the desk from George, practically hyperventilating. In all of his years of teaching, with all of the students he’s had upset with him, Dream is pretty sure he’s never had a student this upset with him. He wonders if George is, like, torturing his students.

— The need to know by tsundanire (expl. | comp. | 5k) ; dick measuring

DRICK vs GRICK

— dear future husband by dizzy (expl. | comp. | 3k) ; breeding and housewife kink

Dream tells George that since he isn't paying rent he should at least be putting dinner on the table... and George decides to prove him right.

— it is not about me being gay with george by alisonsomething (teen | comp. | 2k) ; insecurity + miscommunication

Dream’s latest TikTok makes George angry enough to confront him about it.

— Honeysuckle Jam by gottagetshiver (expl. | comp. | 71k) ; omegaverse

George has terrible heats, he always has. He'd thought that after years of peace on suppressants, he's be done with them forever. It works, until it doesn't. The doctor says his best chance at fixing his terrible heats is having an alpha with him, and it just so happens that Dream is an alpha. It'll be easy, right? Dream will help him through his heat, and he'll be fixed. The fact that George is madly in love with Dream won't complicate matters at all, right? It won't upend their lives and throw them into chaos, right?

note: published last month but finished this month so im including it

[masterwords]

something worth fighting for

Summary: Emily's ready to call it quits, Hotch and Morgan already have, and then a party at Rossi's changes everything.

Pairing: Hotch/Morgan

Words: ~7k

Warnings: hotch's ear injury (canon - 7x24 explosion), gunshot, vomiting, pain medication

Read on AO3: something worth fighting for

Notes: I humbly submit my work to the CM Holiday Gift Exchange (@cmgiftexchange), a gift for @hosseinis. I wrote almost 30k words for this exchange scattered between 4 different stories before this one became the keeper. I was incredibly fortunate to be matched to you, to be able to create a gift for you, but as happy as I was...it became almost impossible to decide among all the things I wanted to make for you! The other 3 stories were a lot darker, didn't feel much like holiday gifts, but they'll still be posted at some point probably soon because they were all solid stories. You inspired me to write a LOT of words this month my friend. Thank you for loving hotchgan and for being fun to talk to! Merry Crimbus! (Read under the cut or on AO3)

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“Do you ever think about what might have happened if we had done for you what you and JJ did for me?”

Hotch frowned and laced his fingers together in his lap. His hands were cold in spite of them currently being in Georgia. The heat outside was well matched by the air conditioning blowing into the cabin of the jet. He would have preferred not to have it on but the team liked it chilly. They still had an hour before anyone would begin trickling onto the jet, but he’d been surprised to find Emily boarding early. Only about fifteen minutes behind him. She was normally one of the last, stretching the time to the very last moment. He’d been anticipating a nice long period of quiet, a head start on the pile of paperwork he had to complete to shut the door on this case. Not today.

It was his own fault. He’d invited her to come to him when she had a bad day, and those seemed to be coming harder and faster lately. He found her in his office, texting, even once at his door with an apologetic bottle of wine. That night ended up with her drinking the whole thing and him calling her a cab because she refused to sleep on his couch. She wouldn’t look him in the eye for two full days after that because she was worried they’d done something they shouldn’t have while he repeatedly assured her that he hadn’t had a drop of the wine and they’d remained respectable distances from one another the whole night.

“How so?” he asked, his voice a little breathless. She didn’t often bring his situation into the mix. No one ever really dared to talk about Haley, about Foyet, it was like a field full of buried unmarked landmines. They’d all more or less decided to pretend it never happened, everyone but Dave and Derek anyway. JJ had offered support once or twice but she didn’t ask questions, didn’t pry. It was easier for all of them to ignore it.

“If we had decided to fake your death, put you into WITSEC with Haley and Jack. Send you off to some boring old place where you could be a teacher or something. Do you ever wonder how that would have played out?”

“Why would I be a teacher?” he asked, a little offended by the implication that he was dull. She smiled warily.

“Fine, you could be something more exciting. A lion tamer in the circus. Anything you want. Do you ever wonder?”

“No,” he replied truthfully. Painfully. He couldn’t allow himself to wander down the path of what if, it hurt too much. Knowing that there were paths he could have taken that would have kept Haley alive was enough to bring him to his knees, the weight of it too much to bear. It wasn’t that he didn’t know it anyway, there were plenty of choices he had at one time that would have led to Jack not losing his mother. There were better outcomes, maybe, but there were also worse.

Emily hummed, a noise he was sure she had picked up right from him, spending too much time together. Especially lately, because she couldn’t talk to the team about any of this. Sure, she had JJ, but when she looked at JJ she only saw the pain she’d gone through and how hard it has been for her to mend what was broken...the rest of them were still grappling with it. How could she tell them she wasn’t happy? That she might want out? Hotch was the only one she thought could take it, or even worse, understand.

“Why?” He knew why, he’d known it for a while now, but it was still his job to ask. To get her to do the talking. She needed to open up and get something off of her chest. He hated to do this, to slip into his negotiator role, but it worked. It was for her benefit.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she started quietly. “I guess I’m having a hard time being myself again. I spent enough time being someone else so completely, coming to terms with Emily Prentiss dying...this is harder than I thought it would be. Living this life again. And I guess I wondered if you thought you would too. If we’d gotten Foyet and Haley lived, if you got your family back. Could you go from being Joe Schmo in the middle of nowhere...Utah or Wyoming or something...could you be Aaron Hotchner again? Could you just forget dying and pretend it never happened?”

“I would have to try,” he said rather matter-of-factly, but he knew it wasn’t so simple. “It would have been a very different circumstance, though. My situation and yours were not the same.”

“No, yeah, I know...I know…good people, innocent people still died because of me though. I can’t help thinking that I should have stayed dead to honor their sacrifices.”

“Emily.”

“No, don’t Emily me. Look, I tried to buy a house and put down roots. I called my mom and had dinner with her...but I can’t...I can’t fix this. Look at the trouble I’ve caused. I see Spencer still not sure he can trust you guys. I see what happened to you and Derek. I did that, Hotch. I did that.”

“No,” he replied sadly. His voice cracked before he finished his thought and he shook his head, waiting for it to come back. “I did that.”

“Not without my help,” she added timidly. “You two would probably have gotten married, adopted some babies, maybe. White picket fence, two car garage...you guys had it all and what you did for me…I guess I’m not sure it was worth it, in the end. Because look at me now. Look at me thriving.” That last part, as emotionally wrecked as she was, dripped in sarcasm. His chest ached.

“How can I help?”

She scoffed at him and rolled her eyes dramatically. She hadn’t let go of the sarcasm, it was her last line of defense, but her voice was shockingly vulnerable and sincere. It broke his heart. “Tell me it was worth it?”

“It was worth it.”

“You’re going to have to do better...come on. Don’t insult me. You were a Federal Prosecutor, you can lie better than that if you’re not going to tell me the truth.”

“You want the truth?” He glanced down at his watch to make sure they still had time. That he wouldn’t be in the middle of a vulnerable monologue when the team started boarding the jet. That was the last thing he needed. He had a few minutes to safely get it off of his chest. “There are aspects of what happened that I would go back and change if I could. Hindsight is a gift and a curse. But I wouldn’t take it all back. I would do it for you again in a heartbeat, even if it went exactly the same again. No matter the blow-back on me, protecting you was worth it.”

She blinked rapidly, tears clinging to the mascara she’d just put on. That wasn’t what she’d expected and she hated him a little for it. For the cruelty in his honesty. She couldn’t reciprocate that kind of shredded, gaping wound of vulnerability for him no matter how she wanted to. “You jerk.”

“I’m sorry,” he spoke quietly, reaching into his pocket and procuring a small square of silk with his initials stitched in delicate thread along the hem. He offered her the handkerchief without hesitation, waiting for her to make fun of him for it. For being so old fashioned that he carried an old hanky around with him. She didn’t, though, she just looked at him, blinked the tears from her lashes and dabbed at her under eyes with his pale silk gift. He was such a relic, she’d always thought, but a beautiful one. He wasn’t meant for this time. He wasn’t meant for many of the things he did. Everyone thought he was so tough, unbreakable, harsh and ruthless but she knew the truth: he was none of those things. He was certainly good at putting up his shields and playing the game, but he was one of the gentlest, softest most broken men she’d ever met in her life. She wanted to protect him with every last breath in her body, he was such a fool sometimes. But she couldn’t protect him, not from himself or anyone else.

“No,” she whispered finally, sniffling. “I’m sorry. I don’t...I need to suck it up, huh? Get on with it. Shit or get off the pot.”

“You don’t need to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“Says the guy that came back to work a month after getting stabbed nine times.”

He frowned and shrugged helplessly. “I didn’t know what else to do with myself. In retrospect, coming back so soon did more harm than good. I can’t go back, and I can’t wonder what might have been different had I...waited.” The way he said that last word made her squirm. Years later and he was still living with the crushing guilt, the lasting pain both physical and emotional. It struck her that this thing that had been burying her alive for a couple of months had been doing the same to him for years and it made her feel sick. He hadn’t healed he’d just hidden it beneath layers of life. It was mean of her, she knew it, but as she looked at him she knew...she didn’t want to become him, and that was exactly where she was headed if she didn’t get out now.

He’d given her all the answer she needed just by allowing her to see the truth of his existence. It was a cautionary tale.

“Thanks Hotch,” she said finally, knowing they had to wrap it up. He’d checked his watch twice since he opened up. The team were going to board soon and the last thing she wanted to do was be crying when they walked on. She wasn’t ready to tell them yet that she was thinking about leaving. She could see it in Hotch’s eyes, he knew. She didn’t have to say those words. The fact that she was thinking so hard about this was enough for both of them. “This is gross, by the way. There’s a reason Kleenex exists.”

“My grandmother made them for me.”

“That doesn’t make it better.”

“It’s clean,” he added a little defensively. “I do wash them.”

“Yeah. Sure. It’s all fine then.” She handed him back the wet silk and watched as he stuffed it into the pocket of his pants without thinking twice. “God. Do you have more of those on hand?”

“The clean ones are in my breast pocket, the soiled ones are in the pants pocket. I told you, I do wash them Emily.”

She scrunched up her nose in disgust. “You look good for ninety, you know that?”

He considered a reply, but decided it wasn’t worth it and settled for a long suffering sigh instead before turning back to his paperwork. His mind wasn’t in it anymore, now he could think only of one thing – Emily was going to leave. And probably soon. How would they survive that a second time?

(x)

The explosion that blew out the bank, crumbling concrete and shattering glass was unexpected. It rocked the ground beneath his feet as he dove behind the police car door, heart hammering in his chest so hard and so loud he thought it might actually break his ribs. Derek was in there. JJ was in there. Emily was in there. Dammit. He felt his ear pop, the sudden high-pitched screaming sound piercing his skull even after he covered his ears with shaking hands and squeezed his eyes shut. The pain was instant, the pressure behind his eyes building to a crescendo and for a whole ten seconds that felt like eternity he thought for sure his head was going to explode. There were tears in his eyes when he opened them again and he swiped at them with ash caked fingers, failing to notice for a moment the blood on his palm. His ear was bleeding.

Again.

He’d been on top of the PTSD, for the most part. Once the Bureau appointed therapist pointed it out to him and gave him some exercises to maintain his composure in situations he knew were going to be troubling to him, he’d been on top of it. “Mild,” she called it. When his palms got sweaty and his heart dropped into his stomach, when he felt sick and angry and vulnerable...it didn’t feel mild, but who was he to argue with her? She saw this kind of thing all the time. And he’d been close enough to explosions since that night in New York, had managed to work his way through them without incident, but now seeing the blood...being in the middle of the street...hearing sirens wailing and watching flames flicker...he wasn’t exactly right there again, it wasn’t a flashback, it was just that same sick feeling. Different but the same.

Except this time he had his whole team, and half a city’s worth of cops to look out for. He had civilians and hostages to worry about. The safety of hundreds of people rested on his shoulders and his fucking ear was bleeding down the side of his jaw. Will had been inside that building with the unsubs. He didn’t have time to walk himself through all of the steps as his stomach twisted in painful knots, as the bile rose in his throat. Not now, so he just stood up and shouldered his way through the reeling cops with one hand over his bleeding ear to keep the offending noise out of his head, at least a little. God it hurt.

“Dave!” He called, rushing toward his colleague. He was breathing through his nose, deep harsh breaths to stave off the nausea that was increasing in intensity. “Have you seen any of them?” He didn’t need to use names, Dave knew exactly who he meant.

“There,” Dave pointed at Derek and JJ on the ground with various members of the SWAT team they’d been charging in with. Emily had been ahead of them, she wasn’t in the group but she couldn’t have gotten far. He watched as Derek began to sit up, followed by JJ and then some of SWAT. They were all confused, coming to, but seemed okay. He turned to Dave, refusing to allow personal feelings to get their claws in. Not only did they have no place here right now, but he wasn’t welcome to them any longer. Derek was not his to care for in any way more significant than as colleagues, and as colleagues, what Derek really needed was for Hotch to take complete control of the chaos. Get them all out of this mess.

“Dave,” he began, setting his jaw and trying to regain his composure. His head was a grenade and the pin was barely holding on. Dave raised his hand and shook his head before Hotch had a chance to continue.

“You go get that ear looked at,” he said adamantly. “I’ll go find Erin and we’ll be waiting for you.”

Hotch wanted to argue that he was fine, but his the pressure in his head must have been visible to Dave because he wasn’t having any of it. “Okay,” he agreed. “I’m not sitting this one out, but I’ll go get cleaned up.”

“I’ll take it.”

(x)

Finding Derek in the alley, pinned against a dumpster with a man’s hands around his throat, Hotch didn’t even think. He wasn’t going to bother announcing himself, he wasn’t going to bother negotiating. This was one of those times where he simply couldn’t abide the protocols and procedures – this man allowed Will to be hurt, used him, put Henry in danger and was now trying to kill Derek. He had no trouble at all justifying the shot he was about to take.

And when Matthew Downs dropped at Derek’s feet, when the blood sprayed against Derek’s cheek and the dumpster and pooled on the ground, he felt no remorse. He simply stood with his gun still aimed, breathing heavily, his ear screaming louder than ever. He was going to be sick. That knowledge rumbled through him with the force of a freight train as his stomach twisted with the pain of the gun shot, but the look on Derek’s face, the look of pure gratitude and relief and maybe something else…it made him feel better as he dropped to his knees and dry heaved a few times. Derek hurried over to him and placed a hand between his shoulders, instinctively rubbing up and down over the vest. Even if Hotch couldn’t feel it, he knew Derek was there.

“Hotch?”

“I’m okay,” he gasped, glad that nothing was actually coming up. You have to eat in order to have anything to expel and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had anything but coffee. Dinner the night before? Maybe? “Go. Find Will. I’ll be right behind you.”

Derek did as he was told without arguing, but took one last moment to glance back as he stepped out of the alley. He knew better than to go back, knew better than to ask what was wrong. He could do that later.

(x)

How Dave managed to put together a wedding on such short notice was beyond any of them, but Hotch knew better than most what money could do to trump time. Enough zeroes on a check and you could get anything (and anyone) you wanted. So, mere days after being shot and chained to a bomb, Will was ready to take JJ's hand in marriage and Hotch...well he was just trying to gather the courage to show up.

Jessica was smoothing his sweater over his shoulders and smiling at how soft he looked in it while he grumbled about every minute detail.

“You’re still not sure you should go,” she said, turning him toward her. He shrugged.

“I think everyone would have more fun if I didn’t go.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Considering what I put everyone through this past year…”

“Stop it. Right now, stop it.”

His shoulders slumped pitifully and she almost felt bad for snapping at him, but not quite. He deserved it. He could be so stupid sometimes she just couldn’t stand it.

“You didn’t do anything maliciously. You were trying to help, and sometimes that means getting it wrong...it isn’t as if you had all the time in the world to consider repercussions. You had to make a split second decision. Maybe it was right, maybe it was wrong, but Emily is alive and your team is intact and isn’t that what you were going for?”

“Not everyone is intact.”

“Derek’s going to come back. He loves you so much. He still does. You don’t wake up at the crack of dawn and show up to babysit a kid so his dad can go do some stupid triathlon if you don’t still care.”

“I didn’t tell him I’d asked Dave.”

“Of course. You assumed that breaking up meant that you had to find someone new to watch him, that’s reasonable. And he assumed that he’d made the commitment and he had to honor it. Also reasonable. Of course, if you two were better at communicating…”

“I know.”

“My point being, he still loves you. And Jack. I think he just needs time. You have plenty of time.”

He slumped down on the couch and put his head in his hands, breathing in deep. Once, twice. Filling his lungs, pausing, exhaling. His head hurt, hadn’t stopped hurting since the explosion. He had an MRI in the morning, an MRI he should have scheduled sooner but he thought it would go away. He hadn’t been as close to this explosion this time, it shouldn’t have been so bad, but then there was the gunshot and the noise from the scene and the pain in his head had been like a hot knife slicing through his brain like a Thanksgiving turkey ever since.

“How about you take one of your nuclear pills and I’ll be your designated driver?” Jess offered, crouching before him with her hands on his knees. “Come on. Take one and you might actually enjoy the wedding. You know I love crashing weddings.”

“You have a date tonight,” he countered miserably before lying back and throwing his arm over his eyes, resting his head against the cushion to try and take some of the pressure off. She huffed at him, that irritated little puffing noise she made that meant she thought he was a complete idiot without actually saying the words.

“I can reschedule. Anita will understand.”

“Anita? The nurse?”

Not just any nurse. The nurse who had cared for him when he was in the Urgent Care sick as a dog a few months back. The nurse whose sarcasm was biting and her smile was enchanting. The nurse with a head full of silver hair she claimed was due entirely to the stress of her job.

“That’s the one.”

“You got a date while I was sick? That’s low, even for you.”

“She’s pretty. And she said I was a saint for dealing with you. How can I resist such compliments?”

He groaned miserably. “I was sick.”

“You were. Very sick, really. But her point still stands. You’re a pain in the ass and I’ve been putting up with it for decades. I deserve to get a little something for my trouble once in a while.”

“Is she nice?”

“Very,” Jessica replied with a smile, her fingers scratching at his scalp mindlessly as she settled in on the couch beside him. He’d always liked his head being scratched but even more when it hurt. “She’s smart and charming and sweet, too. She has great taste in restaurants, but she drinks sweet white wine so I guess she’s not perfect.”

“Not many are.” His shoulders relaxed as she scraped her nails over his scalp. It didn’t exactly do anything to the pain itself but he found it easier to ignore, at least marginally. “You could bring her,” he offered quietly. “To the wedding. If you want.”

“I don’t think she’s ready to meet the whole family,” Jessica said with a smile.

“She’s already met me. Everyone else is easy.”

“Good point. I’ll ask her. Does that mean you’re going to take the meds like a good boy?”

“I don’t think I can go if I don’t.”

“Look at you, making good choices.” He didn’t want to take the pill; it made him goofy. It made him feel lightheaded and dizzy, made him say things without thinking first. Made him cry over silly things, like Disney movies and finding crayons crunched in the couch cushions. The pill really didn’t do much except make him forget how bad his head hurt. Which he knew was ultimately the goal, but the tradeoff didn’t always seem worth it. He didn’t like the way it made him feel like a different person.

“Here,” Jess said, extending the pill and a glass of water to him after rummaging around through the medicine cabinet for a moment. He was always pushing it to the back like he was ashamed of it. “Anita said she’d love to come as long as there’s an open bar. I told her that David Rossi never skimps on the booze and do you know what she said?”

“She’s a big fan of his books,” he deadpanned and she let out a barking laugh that hurt his head.

“Exactly. Said she couldn’t believe I was just casually inviting her to David Rossi’s mansion for a wedding hours before the wedding and what was she going to wear.”

“She doesn’t need to worry,” he said quietly, sipping at the water. “She could come in scrubs if she wanted. No one would hold it against her.”

“Did you learn nothing from being married to Haley all those years?”

He hummed, admitting defeat. “I think the answer to that should be obvious.”

“Point taken. I’m going to go home and find a dress, you lay here and rest. Let that pill do it’s thing. We’ll be by to pick you guys up in an hour.”

(x)

The party was bigger than Hotch had imagined it would be on such short notice. More people milling around, many faces he recognized and some he didn’t. They were a little late, maybe it was fashionable, maybe it was rude, he couldn’t be trusted to tell the difference in his fuzzy state.

“Aaron,” Dave said, pulling him in for a hug. “How are you?”

Hotch never know how to answer that question truthfully, so he rarely did. “Good,” he replied, smiling. The smile wasn’t even forced, at least. But Dave knew anyway.

“Liar.”

“I’m okay, Dave.”

“You get that ear looked at?”

“I have an appointment in the morning for an MRI. It’s giving me some trouble but I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“You keep me posted. In the meantime, why don’t you introduce me to your guests?”

Hotch smiled a little sheepishly and stepped out of the way to let Jessica and Anita be greeted by their host. Jack was standing beside Hotch, still in his shy phase even if he did know everyone here. “You know Haley’s sister Jessica,” Hotch said, waiting a moment before continuing. “And this is her date Anita.”

“Anita,” Dave said, kissing her hand with all of that charm he had at his disposal, holding nothing back. Hotch watched, blinking slowly, doing everything a little slowly. “How did the two of you meet?”

“She brought him to the Urgent Care with a pretty bad case of strep throat,” Anita replied casually. “By the time they left he had antibiotics and a doctor’s note to stay home from work and I had a pretty girl’s phone number.”

“I remember that, it’s hard to get him to miss any work,” Dave said, eyeing Hotch. “It’s been a couple of months now.”

Emily approached Hotch as Dave took Jessica and Anita by the arm, one on each side, to show them around the house and the party. To get them drinks and push them out on to the dance floor. He insisted that his live band not go to waste, and they still had some time to kill before the bride was ready to walk down the aisle. The look on her face was sad, unbearably so, and he knew he wasn’t up for the conversation she looked ready to have. Ready or not, he had to try.

“Do you want to talk?” he asked when she sighed more than spoke her hello. She looked distressed, sad, heartbroken really.

“No, not here,” she said quietly. “But soon. Tomorrow maybe. Okay?”

“Tomorrow,” he repeated. “I have an appointment early in the morning, we can meet for coffee afterward.”

“It’s a date,” she replied, forcing a smile. Derek watched the interaction from across the room, his drink in hand. He knew she was leaving, and he missed her already. It was crushing him, and he knew it would crush Hotch too. After everything they’d done, he felt for the man. His world had come crashing down when Emily died, but he knew Hotch’s hadn’t ever stopped. Everything just kept stacking up – from Emily’s death to her new life, Pakistan and Emily coming back and the Senate Hearing Committee, his team being scrutinized, the trip to Chicago for Derek’s cousin that was made more awkward by his family’s knowledge that the two of them had broken up. His aunt Yvonne had tried to push them back together and only made it worse for them in the end. And his mother...his mother was angry at him. “He didn’t lie to hurt you,” she’d scolded first by phone and then later in person, in Desiree’s hospital room of all places. “He lied to protect you. I seem to recall you pulling the same stunt on us, your family and we still love you.” But he still lied, and it was hard to put that trust back in place. It just wasn’t that easy. He was trying so damn hard.

Showing up and watching Jack for him so he could go do his race, showing up at 4am only to find Dave already there...it had been an olive branch opportunity, but he couldn’t do it when he saw Dave. Because that meant Hotch didn’t believe he would still honor his commitment, it meant Hotch really believed it was over. At least that’s what he told himself when he entered the apartment anyway, because how could he leave when Jack’s eyes lit up? When Jack hugged him and said he missed him? “I miss you too, kiddo,” he’d said and Dave asked him to stay, invited him to have some of the scrambled eggs he was cooking up while Hotch thanked them both and rushed out the door. It wouldn’t take both of them to watch Jack but he couldn’t leave the kid. It gave him an excuse to throw Jack up on his shoulders, to cheer Hotch on, and it surprised him when he called him baby as he approached the finish line. He detected amusement from Dave beside him but the rest of the team were so wrapped up in their own morning drama that they didn’t say a word.

He watched Hotch make his way through the party as he danced with Penelope, as he danced with Emily and even Reid. The music was upbeat and fun, easy for dancing and forgetting the weight of the last few days. The last few months. When he saw Will talking to Rossi, waiting for his bride, he couldn’t help being a little jealous even if he was happy for them. He thought it would be him next. He really thought he and Hotch had it all, too. Did Will care that JJ lied to him about Emily? Of course it wasn’t exactly the same, Will didn’t know Emily like that, he didn’t stick his hands in her blood, hold her while she waited for the ambulance, look into her eyes and watch the light fade. But he still didn’t know she’d lived. JJ kept it from him, too.

Finally Hotch, in his customary rounds, came to Derek near the drinks. “Hey,” Derek said, reaching out to catch him by the elbow like he was just going to walk by. He probably was. He’d almost gone out of his way to respect Derek’s request for space, gone so far overboard that it felt like he’d been the one dumped and not the other way around. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m okay,” Hotch replied quietly, barely audible over the DJ’s dance music. He was blaring something by ABBA that had Jessica and Anita out on the floor having a blast. “You?”

“Same.”

The conversation stalled predictably. They couldn’t talk to one another anymore. “Where are you sitting?” Derek asked casually. Hotch shrugged.

“Wherever Jack tells me we’re sitting I suppose.”

At that Derek smiled. “Well, we’d better find some seats huh? Looks like things are getting serious.”

As it ended up, the seats Jack chose put them right beside Derek and Penelope. Hotch’s knee bumped Derek’s as he took his seat and tried to make himself smaller so he didn’t block anyone’s view, so he didn’t take up too much space. Nothing ever had the kind of leg room he needed.

The wedding was fast, short and sweet, to the point. JJ looked beautiful and Will looked so happy Hotch could hardly stand it. He cried, not at all surprised by the display of emotion. He knew it was going to happen the minute he swallowed that damn pill. At least he wasn’t alone, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house when he glance around. Not even Derek beside him could contain the tears in his eyes.

What he hadn’t expected was to find Derek’s hand circling his, dragging it into his lap and letting it rest there against his thigh. They didn’t look at each other, but that connection made Hotch’s heart nearly burst in his chest. He froze, staring straight ahead a little too intently, breath painfully tight and burning in his lungs. Derek squeezed his hand and his vision narrowed to pinpricks, splotches of color flashing over the scene.

When JJ and Will kissed, Derek squeezed his hand again and then let it go. They didn’t talk, Derek just got up and took Penelope to the dance floor at the invitation of the DJ, swaying along with her. Hotch watched from beside Jack and Henry as everyone made their way back out there.

“Hotch?” Emily asked, coming up beside him quietly. He hadn’t realized she wasn’t out there, but now her hand was extended to him with a sheepish smile. “You can’t sit this one out. It’s the law I think.”

“Sure I can,” he replied, but he took her hand and led her to the dance floor anyway, holding her gently as they settled into the foxy. She looked up at him with wide eyes and a grin.

“You actually know how to dance,” she said. “Of course you do. Why am I surprised that the guy who carries silk hankies can ballroom dance?”

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, Emily.”

“Yeah...well...there are a lot of things you don’t know about me, too, y'know…”

That made him laugh, a light lead in to giving her a gentle twirl and a dip. Derek glanced at them as he swayed with Penelope.

“He’s really good,” Penelope whispered in Derek’s ear. “Did he ever take you dancing?”

Derek nodded, closing his eyes. “Yeah. He did.”

“You should go cut in. I saw what you did back there…”

“I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.”

“What is it going to take?”

“I don’t know mama. I don’t know. I never broke up with someone I was still in love with before.”

“Is Emily leaving us?” The way she changed course made him stiffen up and she could hardly contain her emotion at that. She knew just by that alone. “She is. Why?”

“You’ll have to ask her yourself.”

And all at once she was dragging them across the dance floor, cutting in on Hotch and Emily’s dance. He wasn’t sure if it was calculated or not, but he thought it probably was. She was like that. She didn’t even ask before peeling Emily away from Hotch, before taking her hand and moving them away. Emily glanced at Hotch apologetically and shrugged, not bothering to fight back.

“Well,” Derek said quietly, extending his hand to Hotch. “You want to take me for a spin? It’s been a while, I’m a little rusty. I’ll try to keep up.”

“I’m sure you still have it,” Hotch said, taking Derek’s hand and pressing in close. Derek smelled good, sweet like cigar smoke and cinnamon and bourbon. He began leading, stepping in time with the music and wasn’t surprised when Derek fell into step easily. “If I stumble, I’m sorry,” he added quietly, his mouth unbearably close to Derek’s ear. “I had to take some medication and it makes me a little loopy.”

“What for?” Derek asked, hardly caring whether Hotch stumbled over his feet.

“The explosion at the bank re-injured my ear. I’m sure it’s fine but it does hurt quite a lot.”

“You get it looked at?”

“I have an MRI in the morning.”

Derek smiled and nodded, realizing that they had fallen into perfect sync with one another almost effortlessly. Like no time had passed. Talking felt forced but it was getting easier the further in they went.

“Do you need me to take Jack to school?”

“Jessica said she could,” Hotch replied. Derek nodded.

“I know she will, but she’s getting herself pretty good and liquored up…”

“She was supposed to be my designated driver.”

“Yeah. I’ll drive you guys home, I’m not in the mood to drink tonight anyway. Had a bourbon with Rossi and Will to take the taste out of those nasty cigars he gave us, but otherwise I’ve been sipping soda water with lime.”

“You don’t need to do that. I think Anita has been drinking Sprite. She works in the morning.”

“Hotch…” Derek said, leaning back just far enough that they could lock eyes. “I’m not just offering to drive you home because I think you need a ride. I’m really trying here…”

“Oh.”

“Oh? I mean if you don’t want me to...if you’ve moved on…”

“No. I...no. That isn’t it.”

“Okay, so what is it?”

Hotch let out a small sigh and pursed his lips. “You asked for space, and I gave it to you. But in Chicago...it felt like you were finished. The way you behaved led me to believe your need for space had become something more. That you had come to a decision and that we had no future.”

“You really think I’d do that and not talk to you?”

“I don’t know, Derek. I have no right to expect anything of you anymore.”

“So you’re good just letting it die? You’re not gonna fight for it?”

“Derek, what do you want from me? You said you couldn’t trust me, that you needed space...when you ask me for space, I am going to give it to you. Did you really want me to fight?”

“No, but I didn’t think it would be so damn easy to let go of either.”

“It hasn’t been easy. Has it looked easy? Is that really what you think?”

“Well it hasn’t exactly looked hard.”

Hotch was on the verge of tears, maybe angry tears at this point, he didn’t know. He had almost no control over that and wasn’t going to expend any energy trying to. “I think you’re the only one who can’t see it.”

Derek didn’t like the sound of that, mostly because it hurt. It was probably true. He’d been doing his best not to pay any attention to Hotch, because paying attention hurt and made him want to go back to him and he knew he wasn’t ready for it. Because he felt like he shouldn’t be. He shouldn’t just be okay with Hotch lying to him, should he? Even if he’d done the same damn thing to his family over his cousin? And they forgave him because she was back in their lives, they forgave him because his motivation was for good. Wasn’t Hotch’s too? It wasn’t like he did it for his own gain. Every time he got close, something pulled him away.

“Maybe I am,” he admitted finally. “Hotch. I love you. I never stopped, I hope you know that. But I just don’t know how to forget what happened.”

“I would never ask you to forget.”

Of course Hotch would say that. Just be willing to keep a relationship up when he’s at an automatic deficit. Spend forever trying to make up for his failures.

“I hope for your forgiveness,” Hotch added quietly, almost too quietly for Derek to hear. “But I wouldn’t expect you to forget.”

“It can’t happen again.”

“I can’t make that kind of promise, Derek. I think you know that. There was no way I could have predicted being in that situation before and I can’t know something won’t arise again, but if there is any way around it, I will take it. I can do better than I have done at including you and sharing the burden. I can do better at including you in the hard decisions. I can do better.”

“You can, or you will?”

Hotch smirked at that, at the wording only they would pick apart. “I will.”

“Good enough,” Derek said, finally, taking the lead from Hotch for a moment. Remembering his own feet, his own rhythm. He’d missed this feeling, their bodies moving like one, the smell of Hotch. It was soft and clean, cotton and sunshine, he never wore more than deodorant and maybe some aftershave that lingered. He swayed his hips, stepping back and then forward, upping the tempo with the music. Hotch never missed a step even if he did look a little pale, a little light on his feet. Derek wanted to spin him, to twirl and dip him but he thought that might be pressing his luck. Instead he leaned in and kissed him, stealing his breath. “I don’t want space anymore. I want this.”

“Me too.”

From the bar, while she waited for her new drink, Emily smiled and watched Hotch and Derek. She couldn’t help it. “All it took was me leaving,” she said quietly and Penelope let out the wet sob she’d been holding back for two songs now.

“No,” she wailed, pulling Emily into a teary hug. “No no no.”

“It’s okay Pen. It’s for the best. We all need it. A fresh start for everyone. We can’t go back to the way it was before and it only hurt everyone to try...this is good. I promise.”

“Why doesn’t it feel good?”

“Because goodbyes are hard, even if they’re necessary. But look at that...look at them…look at Hotch and Derek...and JJ and Will...don’t cry over me.”

“Can I come visit you?”

“Of course.”

“Right away. I’ll help you move in. We can shop for furniture and explore your new neighborhood and find the best place for um…fish and chips...you eat the fish I’ll eat the chips…”

“Yes,” Emily smiled, holding Penelope’s hand tight. “To all of it. Yes. I’d love that.”

“Good! Now, come dance with me. Because I need to soak up as much Emily Prentiss as I possibly can tonight…”

“Anything for you, Penelope.”

"Ahhh," Penelope gushed, squeezing Emily's hand. "You are so right."

[atrueneutral]

Writing Update & ‘Writing Interview’

Hello! Instead of providing a snippet this week, I’m going to give you a small update on where I’m at with this latest chapter of ‘Blood in the Wine’.

I’m wrapping up the chapter (maybe today, maybe tomorrow) then will need to edit. The chapter will be deployed soon so keep an eye out! We’re looking at around 7k - 8k words.

A bright side for the story is I’ll be doing more writing now that I’ve accomplished what I wanted to in FFXIV (for the time being).

Below the cut are my responses to the writing interview going around - thanks @pricemarshfield for the tag! ❤️

When did you start writing? I believe I started writing when I was the tender age of twelve years old. I decided to write some Kagome x InuYasha fics that are frozen in time on FF.net. Aside from the grammatical errors, the predictable plot and the out-of-character characterizations, I think the worst thing about them is that they weren’t Sesshomaru x Kagome.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write? I’m continually embarrassed to say I don’t read books anymore. Writing has given me the drive to crack more books open, but writing has also given me less time to read amongst work and the occasional video game session. Were I to read, I enjoy reading classical horror and supernatural tales here and there, outside of my love for mythology and classical romance.

I think if I write anything, it needs to have an angle of romance - even if it involved eldritch beings.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often? Ohhh, I have no idea… I just write how I write. 🤷‍♀️

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space? I normally write at my desktop computer, where my husband puts up with all of the clacking I do at my keyboard.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse? For me it’s listening to music and playing scenes out in my head. Certain songs with certain scenes I’ve concocted gear me up like nothing else to the point of wanting to scream.

The good kind of scream.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I like dealing with people who make poor decisions and watching the consequences unfold. I like themes of temptation. I like the classic good vs evil but with shades of gray on both sides. I like threading in the concept of fate.

No, they don’t surprise me. 

What is your reason for writing?

My reason for writing was because a story formed and put a theoretical gun against the head it was in; I had to realize it.

Now I write because another story has a gun to my head, and it’s fun being held hostage by my own plots. 

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I deeply cherish the comments that walk me through initial reaction to scenes (especially plot twists!) and how the writing affected the reader emotionally. I salivate over when readers theorize about what’s to come next or start to piece together elements of the plot.

It’s also been wonderful to hear that people think my writing is immersive! 

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

“That Neutral gal is super cool and mysterious and kind of funny at times.” I’m kidding! I’ll mirror what other writers have said in saying that I hope readers view me as approachable! I’m trying to stay what I view as being a healthy-arm’s-length-apart from fandom spaces, but it’s not my intent to discourage people from interacting with me! Interaction was the whole reason for making this writing blog. I’ve enjoyed all of the asks, the prompts, and the interactions I’ve had thus far!

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Believable dialogue and character interactions?

How do you feel about your own writing?

I like it, but then I read other people’s writing and go, “Wow, Neutral! You effing wish you could write like this. Your writing reads like hot garbage in comparison.”

So many talented people in the fandom stratosphere!

It’s a fun little see-saw of turmoil.

(No Pressure Tagging @theemptyislost ❤️ I believe everyone else I would have tagged has already been tagged!)

[theratboyking]

Softly Into The Night

Prologue: He Came in the night

Author's Note:

So this is the edited version of the prologue I wrote early this year to this series. There are still probably a few things I missed but I really hope you guys enjoy it. I have a few ideas as to where this story can go. Comments and such are greatly appreciated, I would love to know what you guys think :)

Pairing: Cardinal Copia/Reader/Papa Emeritus iii (this will also have eventual Copia/Terzo but that won't be for a while) (This is also a slow burn so it's gonna be a while until we even get here)

Word count: 6.9k (This is so close to 7k holy fuck)

Summary: Demons are real, angels exist, and my father is the Prince of Darkness. A dream I can’t seem to wake up from. And two mysterious strangers that seem to have a connection to me. What could possibly go wrong?

Chapter Summary: This couldn't be real, I was just having a bad dream. He can't be real. My mom might have kept a lot of stuff from me but surely she would have something as important as being the Antichrist. I was going to wake up any minute now. I will be in my bed and go about my day normally but as I slam my eyes close willing myself to wake up, Lucifer still remained.

Warnings: 18+ (this is going to get be a wild ride folks,) Slow burn, Idiots in love, kinda soulmates? poorly translated Italian (I am sorry to all the Italians out there) fluff, angst, this is a ghost fic so you know religious trauma, some chapters will like get kinda deep in the religious philosophy but maybe not depending on the direction this goes, eventual smut (Chapter will be label

AO3 Link Next ->

“I needed to get a car.” The thought left my head just as quickly as it entered. 

The late hour left the streets unsettling, almost too quiet. Usually, I don’t mind the walk; it helps me calm down, but with the increase in late nights at the office getting out of hand, I find myself leaving later and later with each passing day. The vacant streets are filled with deadly silence, only broken by the sound of my steps meeting the sidewalk and the chilling howl of the wind. The feeling that I’m being watched becomes almost impossible to ignore. The cold November air was biting my face, and my steps quickened. The pit in my stomach that had been forming all sinking deeper the further I walked away from my job. 

The moon hung high in the sky, providing more light than the flickering street lights. The breeze only seemed wilder with distance - it almost sounded like someone was screaming. The leaves on the trees cry out into the night with each gust of wind. I shiver, stuffing my hands in my coat pockets, seeking warmth from the cold. The feeling of dread grew further from my office. 

I’m probably just being paranoid. The events of this miserable day are still fresh in my mind; that's what it had to be. I’m just tired. My bed practically called my name. All I could imagine was falling face-first into bed and forgetting about this whole day.

        I was so lost in thought I didn’t even notice the cracks in the road. Losing my balance, I lost my grip on my bag. Some of the contents spilled out. I scramble to grab the contents, hoping that the feeling of being watched was nothing more than that. A feeling. 

  I couldn’t help but let my thoughts wander as I gathered everything, starting my journey home once more. Nothing seemed to want to go my way today. It all started with me sleeping well past my alarm. My morning consisted of me stumbling to prepare for the day, missing my mother's daily call worrying about how I was doing. She left a somewhat cryptic message stuck in my day this morning. I practically ran out my door by the time I was finally ready. My outfit was half haphazardly put together, and my coffee was missing the creamer I use, hoping I had enough time to make it to the bus stop. It seemed whatever higher power there is would not take pity on me today, the bus just leaving as I hurled myself around the corner. I was nearly two hours late when I finally got to work. My desk was already littered with piles of work I would need to have done before the end of the day. When it had finally come time for everyone to start heading home, it came to no one's surprise when Andrew dropped an additional mountain of papers on my desk, saying it needed to be done before the meeting tomorrow, his smug face almost sending into a rage.

 No, today has not been my day.  I can't help the groan that leaves my lips when I glance at my phone, 1:47 flashing across the screen. Even for me, this is late; I’m usually out of the office before midnight. It felt like whatever had been watching me started to join me on the venture home.

 When the run-down building I call my home came into view, I had an internal panic attack. I practically sprinted into the lobby,  relieved to see that the ancient elevator was working for a change. The only good news I’ve gotten today. 

“Come on, come on, come on.” the words fell under my breath - my fist never let up on the button. I threw my head in panic, eyes scanning desperately to make sure no one had entered the decrepit building. The room remained empty, the only person crazy enough to be out right now being my frantic form.

It felt like a lifetime before the familiar ding broke the thick silence the room was drowning in. The doors opened slowly. “Thank God.” relief makes its way to my voice as I throw myself into the elevator's safety. My panic state only subsided when the doors creaked closed. Pushing the button for my floor, I slump against the wall taking a deep breath, trying to slow my racing heart. The confines of the lift calmed me slightly; my head began to rest against the cold metal of the wall behind my eyes started to close.  My thoughts wander to the message Mom left me this morning. She sounded more paranoid, if that was possible. She frantically switched between telling me I had stayed here too long, how she should have said to me about my father -  how I needed to get out tonight. The call only ended with her pleading that I did not go home tonight and that I call her back as soon as I could. 

Her voice had an edge; I’d never heard her that scared. Usually, I don’t give her ramblings much thought; I left all of that behind when I moved away, but after my walk home tonight and the dread I’ve been feeling all day, I can’t help but believe her. She even mentioned my father; that was something she never did. My dad was a touchy subject for her. Maybe I should have just stayed the night at my desk. Sighing, my body relaxed further into the wall. I can already feel my frustration growing. Even after escaping, she still affects me.

       The relationship between me and my mom was tense, to say the least. My mother always wanted to have kids but was told she could never. When I was young, she told me that finding out she would have a kid was some of the best news of her life. After that, it was just me and her for as long as I could remember. I never knew my father; my mom left him before I was born. Although I am my mom's pride and joy, to say that she is overprotective would be putting it mildly. It was scarce that she even let me out of her sight.

Throw in the fact that I was a magnet for the unexplainable. I had a knack for finding trouble, or rather, it had a knack for finding me. Strange things always seem to follow us to whatever poor town we wall home. The amount of time our power in the house would flair too much to count - objects fell off the counter when I was in a room - a mirror breaking when I was angry. The list was endless, if I’m being honest. We never really seemed to stay in a town longer than a year before the weird occurrences around me became too noticeable, sending us packing to whatever city she decided on in the car as we left. 

        Despite all the wild rules my mom made me live by, she always had my back in life, always coming to my aid when I needed her. Although my temper boiled over a lot as a kid, I struggled to control my emotions. Hell, I still do. I was always the scary new kid, an easy target for their endless bullying. Their cruel behavior often sent me over the edge, but Mom was always there to defend me. Mom had to come to school a lot to deal with the angry parents and teachers over whatever I had done more times than I could count. But she was never angry. 

In a way, she understood the struggle I was having. It was one of the few comforts I had in my childhood. As I grew up, I started to loathe constantly moving; I just wanted to be expected. I couldn’t take running from place to place when things got terrible anymore. It was hard finally break free from the restraining rules she had in place for me all my life. 

It was a nightmare telling her I wanted to be on my own. The argument was long and filled with every insult we could think to throw at the other, but it was a battle she lost. I was not taking no for an answer. It was the only time I had ever seen her genuinely angry. Even after I had moved to my current home, she called daily, always expressing her worry about me being in the city all by myself. I’ve grown so used to my mom's antics that I don't mind it anymore.

  There was just something about this message that I couldn't seem to shake. I spring to my feet, huffing in frustration. I had hardly noticed how long it’s been. The abrupt halt of the elevator made me lose my balance; even the doors seemed hesitant to see what was on the other side.

 I jumped as the moths flew in, going immediately to the bright light that hung from the center of the elevator. Then, clearing my throat, I composed myself. I relaxed at the sight; it was just how I left it, wallpaper peeling off. The dimly lit lights flickered as I made my way down the hall. Nothing was on fire, no weird man was standing in my hallway, and all my neighbors were probably sleeping in their beds. 

But still, I paused when I reached my door, wondering if I should go in or not. Mom’s warning is playing through my thoughts; I’m thinking about just taking a cab to the airport to stay at her house for a bit. I shake my head; this is ridiculous. Nothing is going to happen; I’m being paranoid. I’m not a little kid anymore; Mom's crazy stories aren't going to run my life anymore. I shuffle around my bag, grabbing my keys. I am a grown adult; I can't keep running all my life. I unlocked the door, quickly letting myself in, relieved to finally be home. 

         Refelife was short-lived as I went to flip the switch to turn the lights on… Nothing. 

I groan, flipping the button several times just for safety. Well, shit. The darkness I was met with did little to help with the fear I was already feeling, mentally punching myself. I could have sworn I paid the electric bill. Today just keeps getting better and better.

I throw my bag on the coat hanger I keep by the door. Quietly I removed my shoes, cautiously beginning to the living room. I hesitate right before I enter, almost convinced that someone will be sitting waiting for me. I take a deep breath bracing myself. As fast as I could, I rounded the corner, ready to fight any possible intruder, only to be met with the sight of my empty couch and TV. There was no sign anyone had broken in. Just like out there, everything is precisely how it was when I left this morning. 

Ok, I may be paranoid. Just the effects of having a bad day today, that's what it has to be—relaxing with every small step I take to my room, laughing nervously as I go. I just need to go to bed. I have to be at work in less than six hours, and I still need to take a shower. So I continued to go to my room, lost in my thoughts.

         “Hello, my dear.” A low infernal rumble surrounded me, sounding as if it was fading in and out of the silence of the room it was trapped in. My breath catches in my throat. My eyes go wide as realization dawns on me… I was not alone. 

            Oh fuck.              I twisted around to see the figure that somehow went unnoticed. I stumbled back, falling when I tripped over the coffee table. The scream that left my body sounded like it came out of a horror film as I tried to return to my feet. 

This is it. This is how I’m gonna die, isn't it? I could see blue flames floating in the darkness of the hallway I had come from. Oh fuck.

           Fuck, I am not about to die letting my mom be right. 

Regaining my balance, I look around desperately, trying to find a way to escape or defend myself. He took up the space of the hallway that led to my door. I couldn't run. I couldn't go out the window either; I lived on the seventh floor. My building's fire escape couldn't handle my weight being so unkempt. I couldn’t escape. Fighting it is.  Grabbing the lamp from the coffee table, I bring myself to a fighting possession, ready to defend myself from the intruder. I stood my ground; I would not show whoever this was the satisfaction. 

A deep chuckle emerged from the hallway, the two blue orbs getting brighter the closer he got. He entered soon after, filling the room with his impossible form, the moonlight from the window draped his figure with each step he took toward me.

              He was abnormally tall, and his body was unnaturally thin. The massive pair of wings stretching from take up the most space. They looked like they had almost been scorched, the bottoms glowing with dying flames. His face was almost too perfect, skin impossibly smooth like it had never seen a blemish a day. His eyes danced with blue flames,  piercing into my soul, lips stretched in a gentle smile. His gaze held something familiar about it like he knew everything there was to know about me, all my deepest darkest secrets. His hair almost looked like starlight cast a halo around his head, coming to rest halfheartedly around his shoulders. His body seemed to flare around him, not looking like it had a shape. The abnormally perfect skin poking out, marking the distinct forms of where his arms and legs should be, speaks of silver shining throughout the black void that made up the rest of his body. His movement was unnaturally smooth, making his body appear almost motionless as he approached me. He was unsettling to look at, but it was impossible to look away.

 Why the fuck didn’t I listen to Mom

 He stopped before me, looking from my face to my makeshift weapon. The void that was his body took up more space as he scratched what looked like his hand, gently taking the lamp from my hand. I couldn't seem to put up a fight, my body refusing to move in his presence. He looked at it in amusement before placing it back where it went. His gaze turns back to my eyes. My breath catches in my throat.

           “You’ll have to do better than this if you truly wish to stand a chance against me, my darling.” His voice is low and smooth, like honey sounding like each word would build on itself, hanging heavy in the air until it faded. Amusement and wonder made their way to what should be his face, almost waiting to see what I would do next. Who does this creature think he is? Was he toying with me before it ended me? A sick display for his amusement? I refuse to play his game. I refuse to show how scared I am.

“If you’re going to kill me, just get it over with.” my voice was cold, my anger rising with each passing moment. 

Confusion made its way to his face - head tilting to the side. “Kill you? No, I am not here to kill you.” He pauses, bowing, “I am here to meet the daughter who was stolen from me.”            “Daughter?” The word slipped past my lips. So this thing was my father? This had to be some sick nightmare; there was no way this was real life.

  I refused to look away from his eyes, trying to hide the fear racing through my veins, “No. No, there's no way that I’m your daughter. I’m sorry, but you must be mistaken.”  My voice wavered, but I refused to back down. “Who… What are you?” 

          He took a step back, looking surprised that I did not know who he was, as if it was the most obvious thing on the planet. Then, he proudly gestured towards himself, lowering his body so that his intense stare aligned with mine.

 “I am known by many names. Too many to count. I am the Devil, but your mother would have known me as Lucifer.” He paused, giving me a moment to process the statement, not speaking again until his words died in the air. “I have waited a long time to meet you finally,”  his gaze softened, his lips morphing into a small smile. “Your mother and I did have a rather large love affair.” voice low and full of fondness. Finally, he returned to his impossible height, “Has your mother told you nothing?”  The question hung heavy in the air. 

The answer to the question was simple. “No.” It was so quiet I don’t know if he even heard it.

 Mom was full of secrets; there was a lot of stuff according to her; I was better off not knowing. Mom refused to even acknowledge any contribution my father had in creating me. Always taking constant prying just for the smallest of details I begged for as a child. The very few times she would mention him, there was always a far-off look in her, losing herself in thought. But indeed, something as big as the fact that my father was the literal King of Hell would be worth knowing. The room was spinning around me; this couldn’t be real. My knees give out, and my body collapses on the couch. This had to be a nightmare.  I will wake up at my desk any minute, then go about my uneventful day, rinse, and repeat. 

          “Well, that has certainly made matters a lot more complicated,” His voice appeared less distorted with each word he spoke, shrinking down to a normal-sized human,“ I was hoping to avoid this, I always hate to make myself more suitable for mortals, but your mother was always an exception.” The otherworld figure changed into something more human as he went.

 He looked pristine, the black suit that came to rest on his body starkly contrasted with the pale skin that peaked out. Pushing his platinum blond hair away from his eyes, relieving them to be the same color as the piercing blue flames that previously took its place. Even in this form, he redacted an extraordinary power only he seemed to possess; even now, it was still otherworldly.

 “I should have known Mary wouldn't have said anything, the stubborn woman she is.” He adjusted his outfit slightly.

          ”Now,” clapping his hand together, he carried on, “why don’t we bring her here so she can explain herself?” He cleared his throat, straightening himself to his new height, “Let’s not make this difficult, Mary; there is much to explain and not a lot of time to do it.” 

 Snapping his figures nonchalantly, there was a moment when nothing happened. I dared not make a sound as a ring of blue fire sprang to life in the middle of my living room, the vague shape of a figure appearing with it.

         “What the hell?” The confused voice made me sit up in my seat. There in my living stood my mother, not phased by the fact that she had somehow ended up here. Scanning the room in confusion, she stops at the sight of me and Lucifer. 

She looks like she's seen a ghost. “Lucifer.” Straightening her stance at the sight of him. “You haven't changed a day.” Voice losing its confusion.    “Hello, my love.” Lucifer bows slightly toward my mother. 

“So you finally found her?” She sounded defeated. 

“I never lost sight of either of you,” an impossible warmth in his eyes at his confession. 

“Of course, you didn't,” she chuckled softly, pausing, looking towards my disheveled form. “We don’t have to do this, you know.”

“I’m afraid that we must, my love. Time is running out” His voice was quiet as he shook his head, “She is only getting stronger; she needs to learn to control it.”

           Mom scoffed and stepped out of the circle, going over to him; the flames collapsed as if they were never there. She stopped before him, hand gently cradling his face as she continued, “I tried my hardest to keep it under control. To keep her hidden. She knows nothing of your world, Lucifer. You can’t just show up now and destroy that for her. I told you I did not want this life for her. We agreed she would have a normal life. ”  

       “No, you made that choice Mary. You are the one who left our home, left me. You got scared of what we created, and you ran. You didn’t even allow me to prove I could be there for you throughout it. To prove that you were something so incredibly dear to me. You and our child.” His fiery gaze briefly rested on me before returning to Mom. “You ran as you did for everything else. That is your sin, Mary.” A warning tone filled his voice.

 My mother looked shocked as he reached for the hands she had brought to his face, bringing them close to his chest. “We both knew this would happen one day. She has a right to know the realm she will one day rule. However, it’s becoming too dangerous for her to hide from her true nature. It is growing harder to keep her powers sealed inside of her; I’m afraid it's time, my love. The veil is only growing thinner; hiding what she is is hard. The time is coming when she will no longer be able to hide it anymore.” 

        “I need more time; she's still just our little girl, Lucifer.” her voice cracked, muffling as she dropped her face into his chest. His arms came to rest around her frame, doing his best to comfort her,  “I am afraid we’re running out of time, My love.” 

         The room buzzes around me, a million questions flying to my mind as their conversion sinks in. What about a veil? What powers were they talking about?  This is crazy; they talk about me like I’m not there. Was my whole life based on a lie? I couldn’t stand to sit there anymore; I need answers, and them now. “Can someone please tell me what the fuck is going on!” This snapped them out of their reunion; seeming to remember I was there. My sudden outburst surprised them; hell, even I was surprised. 

        Breaking from Lucifer, Mom made her way to the couch, taking me in her arms. “My baby,” swaying my body with hers, tears leaking into my hair as her body begins to shake, “I should have been honest with you. I should have told you when you first started showing signs. I didn't know what to do; I always thought I would have more time.” I couldn’t tell if she was trying more to comfort herself rather than me.

 I jump when I feel a cold hand rest on my shoulder. At some point during Mom’s breakdown, Lucifer had moved so that he was now resting on the other side of me, allowing us to have our moment. This is surreal. 

“I need you to tell me what’s happening, Mom.” Trying my best to keep my cool, slightly pushing her away. 

      Sniffing as she tried to dry the never-ending sea of tears, “Oh honey. I fell in love with a handsome young man long ago. He had a lot of money to spare and told me he worked in business. He said he made deals all day, so he was never home during the day. He told me I would want nothing for as long as I lived. Then one day, he asked me to marry him. I was young and in love with a man who showered me affectionately; baby, we were so happy. I was told I could never have kids; we weren’t using protection.  And then, one day, I found out I was pregnant with you. I was thrilled; Lucifer was overjoyed at the news. But with the news, Lucifer suddenly had a lot he needed to tell me. He told me everything about who he was, showed me what he was, and told me what you could be. I got so scared of what could happen, and I knew I had to find a way to keep you safe.” she took a shaky breath pausing before continuing, “So I took as much money as I could and a suitcase of clothes, and I ran. Even after I had you and you started showing signs, we kept running; we have been running all your life. Honey, Lucifer is your father. You are the Antichrist…” Her mouth held agape; no words escaped after she uttered those words. 

My mind goes blank at her confession. This couldn't be real; sure, I had my moments, but nothing extraordinary about me; there was no way I could be the Antichrist. I work in an office job, for god sake. Mom looked on helplessly, trying to give me answers to my raging questions but didn't know where to start.

             As if sensing this, Lucifer said, “Growing up, did you experience strange things happening around you? It started small initially, things you could easily push to the back of your mind. A classmate falling after you said she hoped she would after she pulled your hair? Always a figure just out of sight but vanishing when you focus on it? Your favorite snakes appearing out of thin air just because you wanted them?” He stopped momentarily; I turned my body completely to look at him. I can feel my eyes widening in realization; everything he had mentioned happened in my childhood. Things I have never said to anyone before in my life. Not even my mom knew about these things, but it was as if he knew the memories by heart. 

He didn't allow me to ask before he continued, an edge forming in his voice, “But as you grew up, they only seemed to become less and less explainable. More supernatural. The fire that mysteriously started in your kitchen when your date stood you up? The window at work shattering in front of your boss when you didn’t get the promotion you worked for? Or how about the time your coworker fell down the stairs just after he was getting just a little too handsy?” The horror began to sink in with each passing question; these were all things that happened in the last year. Events I had tried to brush off as mere coincidence, now I’m not so sure. 

“Stop.” I can’t think; this isn’t real; I need to wake up now. 

“And they have only been getting stronger; people are starting to notice, aren't they? This is but a fraction of the power you possess. We have tried to suppress them, but they are becoming too powerful to build up inside you. It is only a matter of time before it swallows you whole.”  He refused to give up; he was trying to prove something. 

“Please. Please stop” I can feel tears start to fall, I can't breathe, and I feel like my body is on fire. I think my mom grab my arm, trying to help calm me. I can feel myself losing control the more he pushes. 

He was relentless “You are my child. You are forever burdened with darkness you cannot run from. Destiny is calling upon you, and you can no longer hide. You must face who you are.” 

         “Shut up!” There was a sickening shatter around the room. Glass fell to the floor. The coffee table and tv looked like a baseball bat had been taken to them. The tears fell silently as I looked on in disbelief. There was sadness in his eyes, but still, they held comfort in them. Almost like he was apologizing for everything. He returns his hand to my shoulder, slowly rubbing comforting circles into my shirt. 

           “I tried to let you live normally for as long as possible. I kept your true nature inside you, but even with that, it spilled out. You have only gotten stronger as you’re older, and I am so proud of you for controlling it as well as you have.” He stopped as if contemplating what to say next. His face held what looked like love as he gently pushed some of the hair out of my face, “I can not take this away from you, but I know a place that can help.” He was gentle with his words, a sort of parental comfort melting into his smooth voice.

 Had he genuinely come here tonight with no malintent? Was he here to help me? I can feel my mom slowly rubbing up and down my back. This is happening. My whole life had been a lie. I’m not crazy. Everything that had happened in my life that I had tried so desperately to explain finally made sense. The weight of their touch was the only thing keeping me in this reality. I did not want my father to be Lucifer, but I couldn't help but feel like he had always been there. The moment felt all too comforting, despite my whole life falling around me.

 “What can I do?” There was no going back from this, everything had changed, and I could do nothing to stop it. 

          His voice never lost its warmth as he explained, “There is a ministry where many of my most devout followers reside; one of the most loyal bloodlines to serve me runs the church from there. They have proven useful in spreading my message to the world. Although most of them have had experiences with the occult, they could help you understand your birthright. You would be well protected from those wishing to cause you harm now that you are becoming more noticeable.” 

“Who would want to hurt me?” I question an edge of fear forming in my voice.

  “The more powerful you become, you will become a beacon to the many creatures in this world. However, you would cause a lot of problems with the plans they have. Many would not wish to see you become a problem for them. Many would do anything to make sure you do not fulfill your destiny. It is unsafe for you to remain in the open like this; I might be unable to protect you from everything.” His warning crashed down on me, was I already being hunted? Was my intuition correct? Did they already know where I am?

           “This is my life. I can’t just disappear from it, from all I know.” I protest weakly, the fear never leaving as he explains the danger I am in, but the desire to finally have answers for all the burning questions I had growing up only seemed to keep growing. What am I capable of doing?  

             “A life that has done nothing but shuns you for who you are. People have never understood you; you were never meant to live in such a dull world. I can offer you a place to finally feel as though you belong. Become something truly worthy of the world you will one day rule. But know this, it is your choice. Experience the world you were born to be a part of; you will no longer be an outcast. Embarrass the princess of hell you were born to be. The seal on your powers would be broken, you would be all-powerful, and you must learn to control it. If you do not go, you will lose complete control over who you are. The darkness inside of you will devour you till you are unrecognizable. Eventually, you will die and become something even more grotesque. If you choose this, I will keep your powers inside you for as long as possible; I will protect you with my life to give you as much time as possible. I cannot force you to make any decisions; it is up to you to make that choice. If you decide to go, you will not return to this life. You will have to embrace the unholy god you will become if you are to accept what destiny has laid out for you.” The warning hung heavy in the air. 

I was beginning to fall for the temptation of his offer; I could feel my hesitation leaving me. The fear being the only thing remaining, do I have a choice? If I stayed here, there was a strong likelihood that I would die. People started noticing the connection between me and the events that seemed to follow me like a shadow. It was beginning to reach a point where I would have to move away anyway. He was right; nothing was keeping me here; it’s not like I had anything worth staying for. I had a job going nowhere that was working me to death. I had no friends and no boyfriend. There was no reason I really should stay. But if I go to this ministry to learn about what I am, to learn to control it, would I still be me, or will I become something else entirely? But then again, I have never indeed been me; I have been desperately trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. I had been an outcast my whole life, trying to hide from others for some sort of acceptance; even in the life I’ve built here, I still do it. I have never felt normal because I have never been normal. Could this finally fill the void I have felt for so long? Can my soul finally feel like it is no longer wandering? The only thing keeping me from accepting was how terrified I was. 

             Mom shuffled from behind me, turning me to face her. She had been crying more than me. The tears stained her puffy cheeks as she tried to put on her best reassuring smile, “He’s right, honey. I tried to keep you safe, but I only made this worse. I had tried for so long to protect you from getting hurt that I never saw how much you already were. I’m sorry for everything; I’m sorry that I failed you. I love you so much. I wish I could have more time but baby, you need to go.” 

           I couldn’t hold it in anymore; I collapsed into her. “You never failed me, Mom.” I was holding her with such force I’m surprised I didn’t snap her in half, “I love you too.”  We stayed like this for a minute, neither wanting to let go. 

           “I’m afraid we are running out of time; once the sun rises, I must return to Hell. The choice is yours, but it needs to be made.” Lucifer breaks the moment. I gazed at the clock on my wall that had been cracked during my outburst, 4:08. Shit, I hadn't noticed how long either of them had been there. I look back to Lucifer; I had made my choice. 

          “Take me there.” A fire had been lit inside me, a determination I had never felt setting in. I have to know who I am and what I am capable of.  I would not succumb to this; I would not die. I will fight; I will live. 

           “And so it shall be,” he only remained serious for a moment, relaxing as if he was relieved by the outcome, “I love popping into the Abbey now and then; the ghouls there are always so fun.” He was no longer beside me on the couch; he stood by my mother; I didn't even feel him move.

   He kneeled before her,  taking her face into his hand, gently wiping away her tears. “My love, I promise we will not lose our daughter.” 

She gripped his hand as if it were her lifeline, “I hope you're right, darling.”   

“Next time, we will have more time to catch up.” Lucifer joked lightly, searching her face for reassurance that they would meet again.

  “Here’s to next time,” Mom gently smiled at a silent promise being made. Then, she turned to look at me, breaking from Lucifer to take me in her arms once more.  This time I’m surprised she didn't break me. “Destiny comes in many faces; you will find yours.” The cryptid words rang low in my ear as she pulled away.

          She looked once more to Lucifer, voice trembling. “Make sure she is safe, my love.” They begin to move closer to each other. 

“I will,” he vowed as their lips met.

  A blue flame erupted around them, consuming their figures, and my mother slowly faded away. They only break away from the other once the two of us are left. He looked sadly at the vacant spot on the couch, a soft smile on his face as he looked at where my mother once sat. 

       Not moving from his spot, he turns his gaze to me. Red begins streaming down his face, silent tears falling from his eyes, “I wish things could have been different. I wanted nothing more than to have been a part of your life and truly watched you grow into the strong young woman you have become. But that is not what fate gave me, and I’m afraid I am out of time.” 

        The form he had taken since my mother had arrived began to melt. Black smoke emitted from him. The flames that had been there before sprung to life; he had returned to the form he had taken when we first met. His voice returned to the heavy force it once was, “Once you take my hand, there will be no going back. You will become a Princess of hell; I cannot promise that the transformation won't be painless.”  

       He stood up suddenly, and at such a speed it was almost impossible to see, “Do you understand?” He began to reach out his hand slowly, giving me one last chance to decline his offer.

 "Yes.” I didn't hesitate in my response. I was no longer scared; I refused to be; a part of me wanted this; it was begging to be let out. Taring at its cage, freedom within its grasp. I stand from the couch, looking up to meet his gaze, “I understand.” 

 “Good.” Despite the gravity of the situation, he never changed how he looked at me. I looked at the hand he had stretched in front of him.  I took his hand.

For a moment, nothing happened, then it hit me all at once; it felt like a thousand suns had gone supernova inside of me. I was being burned from the inside out; it felt like a fire was trying to burst out from the inside. I could feel my body contorting as I collapsed to the ground. I could barely make out my finger sharpening, my arm was getting long, and my fingertips turning jet black. My body felt as if it was being stretched out. The raw energy flowing through every cell in my body felt like I was being torn apart and put back together at a speed I could not comprehend. What must have been seconds felt like an eternity before it stopped.

I could faintly make out the sound of Lucifer’s voice, “Extraordinary,” before I lost complete consciousness, letting the nothingness take me.

[sarasa-cat]

NoNaNo Day 7

Honestly, the sun sorta came up. The sun went down. Even though I am home, I have more coffee, the cats are fed, and I spent a few minutes mucking around in GB3 making minor changes to the skin tone of my new Yennefer of Faerun while trying to kick start my brain with more coffee (i now have a pretty good facsimile of Witcher 3 video game yennefer) --- despite all of that.

My desire to word words is not happening. And that's fine.

I think a rather brutal, punishing 7k (all elevation changes, many elevations) during whatever passed for noonday sun killed me dead. And then I was too damn hungry to just go home and cook/scrounge, and the lunch place I wanted to go to was closed today, so I had to chance it with a place that ended up being a big mistake (omfg so tasteless, so heavy, so uuggghhhhh sticking to my ribs and hurting). That was when I searched on my phone if the current flu & covid vaccines temporarily REDUCE aerobic capacity and the answer is Statistically Significant YES but, also, that exercise will boost the immunity response (which is good). SO..... yeah. Killed myself dead but for a good cause? Buuhhhhhhhhh..

When I got home, I flopped onto the couch and just stared at the ceiling while my cats looked into my eyes. Feed us. Feeeeeed us. (I could not move).

The upshot is: I'm not writing.

Even though this is a day that is wide open for me therefore a perfect day to bang out all of the words, IT AIN'T HAPPENING. (and the fact that I wanted to type all the words last week when I was overscheduled, as that is entirely how my life is on my weird fortnightly schedule? Well, fuck it. That's life.)

Today I don't feel like writing. I am devoid of words. Writing this post is epic effort because my brain is in images only mode. Sounds and pictures. Not words.

BUT HERE IS WHAT I DID DO and WHAT I PLAN ON DOING for the rest of today.

ONE: I started listening to an audiobook that is giving me ideas for one of my on going NONFICTION projects. YAY! I'm gonna let those ideas marinate. I listened to a little over an HOUR of that book. That was lots of ideas. Into the brain meat.

TWO: I am still feeling like I have a haphazard system for keeping all of my writing stuff organized --- it became haphazard thanks to entropy despite once being super organized. I AM GOING TO CONTINUE FIXING THAT SYSTEM TODAY. Because that is brain dead office worker work and perfect for an exhausted body-brain day.

THREE: I have lots of moodboard images that I need to organize and start printing out and placing them together in helpful places. I'M DOING THAT THIS WEEK and maybe even TODAY.

FOUR: I'm gonna fill the creative well with some BG3 late this evening and this play through requires me to think about "What would Yennefer do in this situation" which is character analysis and story analysis and good for writer brain.

[ionlytalktodogs]

Sorry for the shameless self promo but I’m actually not sorry at all, here’s some quick descriptions for my fan fiction if anyone feels like they’d like some new fan fics to read.

The Art of Cooking - Literally horrible Breaking Bad x Hannibal crossover. Everyone is OOC, the plot is elaborately put together but barely explained, nothing makes sense but it’s super fun and also hilarious. Plot: Will decides he’s sick of the FBI and takes his adopted daughter and TOTALLY platonic roommate (who he sleeps with and kisses with tongue) Hannibal Lecter across the country to take a job at the DEA. Hilarity ensues. 27k words, was updating every Sunday but I just posted the finale today.

Shatter Me (And Bring Me Together Again) - Kind of my pride and joy. For once I’m actually attempting to be good at writing fan fiction? Gasp. Also tons of head canons. Will and Hannibal are T4T. You cannot tell me otherwise. There’s a lot of metaphors in this too and like...an actual message. Just you wait, shit’s gonna go off the rails in the coming chapters. Synopsis: Years after the Fall, Will and Hannibal are working as international assassins until they realize someone is trying to kill them, and Alana and Margot. The four of them have to figure out who, but can they even trust each other? 7k words uploaded but 20k words written (and yet I haven’t even gotten to the core of the plot yet lmao), updates every Monday.

We’re Conjoined, I’m Curious Whether Either of Us Can Survive Separation - Weird, probably poorly written Hannibal short stories. Wrote a lot of these while severely concussed. You can probably tell. Enjoy. 4k uploaded but 31k written. Updates when I feel like it.

You Belong to Me - First Hannibal fan fiction I ever wrote. I had just started the show a week prior and I was coping hard. Didn’t have a good handle on the show, my head canons, or anything really so it’s not consistent with the rest of my writing. Poorly written but I actually think the plot is a bit compelling when you really get into it so...idk. Wrote the entire thing in three weeks (and had not finished s3 when I wrote it but I went back and rewrote some bits after finishing s3). Plot: It’s just the plot of the show completely rewritten. 44k words, completed.

This Is Home - Batfamily one shots. Started writing this during 2020, when I was 16, because I was coping immensely with some horrible shit going on in my life. I doubt I’ll ever update it and I even privated it for a while but it’s public again by popular demand. Who knows, maybe some day I’ll update it. Or at least upload what the rest of what I wrote for it. It’s not my best work and I’m not proud of it but it brought me comfort in one of the worst times of my life so, if you feel like that’s something you need, enjoy. 4k words uploaded, 14k words written. Updates probably never but maybe someday.

Future fics to look out for:

Fugu - A Hannibal fan fiction I wrote entirely while very drunk. I have no idea what happens in it because I’m too afraid to reread it but if I ever get up the nerve then I’ll post it. My roommate read it and says it’s fantastic but I don’t trust him. 14k words, completed.

Adam - Literally just rewriting the movie Adam because I’m autistic and I felt like it could've been better but it kinda turned into a Hannibal AU. 1k words currently but I’m still working on it for whatever reason.

Meat and Bonbons - Wip name lmao. Blood and Chocolate x Hannibal...crossover? AU? God only knows. Will is a comic artist from America researching Lithuanian werewolves (Vilkacis). Hannibal is a Lithuanian werewolf. They fall in love. 5k words, I’m working on it. I’ll probably start uploading chapters when I have around 10k words.

Oh and in case you’re wondering, in total I’ve written around 140k words of Hannibal fan fiction since I was introduced to it in October. No I’m not okay.

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

One Night Stand Masterlist

(Baby Pull Me) Closer (ao3) - friendstothis Michael/Luke N/R, 4k

Summary: He was stunned for a moment by the sheer beauty of the boy standing beside him. With fire engine red hair and skin the color of porcelain, the boy was the most beautiful thing Luke had ever set eyes on. The blond let his eyes trace over the mystery boy’s features, from his light green eyes to his bright pink lips—lips that were now forming words that Luke had not heard.

or,

luke is finally done with finals, so he decides to celebrate like everyone else: by going to a frat party. that's where he meets michael, the porcelain god with bright red hair who he just has to have.

Complication In Your Heart (ao3) - DracosPubicHair Michael/Luke E, 29k

Summary: Michael has killed over 10 people and has never been caught, and maybe Luke is just as crazy.

Daisy (ao3) - boomerluke Luke/Ashton M, 121k

Summary: The last thing Luke expects when he wakes up hungover in the bed of his latest one-night stand is to come face to face with a freaking kid. But there she is all wild curls, thumb-sucking, and nonstop questions. Luke can't get out of there fast enough.

Ashton isn't the type to have one-night stands. He's a parent, after all. It was a mistake, and it won't happen again. At least that's what he tells himself when he comes back from his shower to find the naked college kid still in his bed, arguing with Daisy.

They couldn't be more opposites. At 25, Ashton has the responsibilities of two parents, raising his daughter and trying to pretend like he has everything figured out. At 21, Luke is a self-proclaimed Grindr god who doesn't care about anyone or anything but himself. So why is the universe (with the help of Michael and Crystal) so hell-bent on seeing them together?

extra credit (ao3) - galacticsugar Luke/Calum E, 7k

Summary: Calum smiles at the last person in line at the bar as he hands them their glass of wine, then turns to Luke and sighs heavily, crossing his arms over his chest. The material of his shirt wrinkles and folds and stretches in all the right ways. “From the first day of school after I moved here, I knew you were going to be a problem.”

“A problem?” Luke feigns offense, scoffing and sucking violently at his tiny straw, trying to get to the dredges of his drink. Calum rolls his eyes and starts making another. By the end of the night, Luke’s going to have the process of Calum assembling a California Dream emblazoned in his mind for eternity. “I wasn’t the one who showed up and immediately acted like I owned the place.”

i didn't know that i was starving till i tasted you (ao3) - irwah Michael/Ashton E, 3k

Summary: 'we just had sex and it's the morning after and i woke up to an empty bed and how could i be so stupid of course you left me alone but wait you're in my kitchen cooking me breakfast and i'm so relieved' au

if i could say the things i want to say (i’d find a way to make you stay) (ao3) - nothingliketherain (39_killer_queen) Michael/Luke, Calum/Ashton M, 23k

Summary: “What about you? What’s keeping you here?”

“My roommate has been telling me to come see his band for weeks, but I didn’t have the time until today,” the guy explains, frowning a bit. “I can’t find him though, maybe he’s also in the bathroom with someone.”

“Our roommates suck, pun absolutely intended,” Michael snorts. “You could leave though, assuming you have your keys and you drove here.”

“I did, I do, but,” he shrugs, giving Michael a slow once over, lips tugging up into a shy smile. “I think I’m gonna stick around.”

“And keep me company?” Michael asks, perking up slightly at the prospect.

“If you want.”

He smiles in delight. Suddenly, he doesn’t need Calum to hurry up. “I could use the company actually.” He holds his hand out, goosebumps breaking across his skin when the guy takes it. “I’m Michael.”

“I’m Luke.”

If it was just a one time thing, why are you still here with me? (I don't want you to leave) (ao3) - BrokenTailLights Michael/Luke T, 1k

Summary: Malum have a one night stand, but Michael isn't really that keen on leaving in the morning (and Calum isn't sure he wants to let him go)

or

ever heard of a one-night stand fic of pure fluff? here you go.

In The Dark (Like Meteorites) (ao3) - dafeedil Michael/Calum/Ashton E, 26k

Summary: Ashton falls for Calum at a nightclub, and then for Calum's boyfriend, too.

Of Kindergarten and Coffee Shops (ao3) - onceuponatime Michael/Luke, Calum/Ashton M, 19k

Summary: Michael has a one night stand with Luke and can't get him out of his head.

running on the music and night highs (ao3) - thisismydesignn Luke/Ashton/Troye E, 4k

Summary: Set the night of the 2018 ARIA Awards. Ashton and Luke invite Troye back to Ashton's hotel room. It's possible they have ulterior motives. It's more than possible Troye doesn't mind.

tracing constellations (ao3) - galacticsugar Luke/Calum E, 15k

Summary: Luke’s eyes seem to be spinning when he arches an eyebrow at Calum and playfully says, “Really? You asking me to come home with you?” against Calum’s ear.

"Yes, really,” Calum says, blinking in confusion. “The fuck have we been doing tonight if it doesn’t end with you in my bed?”

we're dancing in my living room, and up come my fists (ao3) - hideforalifetime Luke/Calum M, 12k

Summary: "Ash, I had another email left to send-" Luke tries to reason, but Ashton won't let him.

"Nuh-uh," he wags his finger in Luke's face. "That's enough workaholic-ness for one day. Come on, let's go stare at fit shirtless guys."

Luke chokes on his latte. Sixth coffee of the day. "When you put it like that-"

Ashton fixes him with a knowing look. "Well, am I wrong?" He asks, arching an eyebrow. *** Luke is wound up way too tight, and he's been hurt way too many times. Is it wrong for him to be scared? Then, again, who wouldn't be scared of a super fit guy who is super hot, and just happens to be a fighter in Pro MMA? Luke doesn't know what he's in for, but he hopes it won't end like the other times.

Wherever I Lay My Hat (ao3) - merlypops Ashton/Everyone, Ashton/Liam, Luke/Liam E, 209k

Summary: Ashton learns that home can mean people and not places, and that fitting in is not the same as belonging, but it takes a broken heart, double-crossing a gang, and almost losing everyone he cares about before he realises this.

White Noise (ao3) - merlypops Luke/Ashton E, 7k

Summary: Luke and Ashton have massive crushes on each other, Ashton throws a party, and all of Luke's dreams come true. (Maybe they're a tiny bit in love too. Maybe.)

will we talk? (ao3) - strxngersagain Michael/Luke E, 4k

Summary: Michael tries not to make a habit out of having one night stands.

Sure, he’s had his share of a few no-strings-attached hookups in his otherwise relatively uneventful dating history. But he’s found over the years that it usually just tends to make him feel worse, waking up in the morning to an empty bed at worst, or an awkward conversation and a hasty exit at best. So, Michael has set his sights on not sleeping with anyone until he’s known them for at least 48 hours, at minimum.

So far, it’s gone pretty well.

Until he meets Luke, that is.

[helladirections]

BBF5: Jump Off The Roof

Author: @helladirections Pairing: Harry x Y/N Status: Part 5 Word Count: 7k

Summary: Harry is YN’s brother’s best friend and YN isn’t a little kid anymore. Featuring yachtrry, punishments, facing fears, and semi-public smut

MASTERLIST - PATREON - BBF TAG - PART 4 - PART 6

Preview

“What am I gonna do with you, hm?” he asked condescendingly, but he didn’t wait for an answer. “Didn’t use words, didn’t get up when I asked you multiple times… someone isn’t being very good today. Someone is being a bit of a brat.”  The last word hung in the air. YN hadn’t intended to break any rules, she didn’t mean to be a brat. She was just a little wine sleepy and cozy from the rocking of the boat, honestly. But if being a brat meant he might choke her while they looked out at the ocean, then maybe it wasn’t the worst outcome after all.  “Still no words for me? Darling, you aren’t helping yourself right now. Was already gonna punish you but the more rules you break the worse off your punishment is gonna be.”

Read below or on AO3 or Wattpad

YN had never been so disappointed to brush her own hair.

It had just felt so nice when Harry was doing it for her. He was so gentle, saying sweet words and filling her insides up with gooey warmth, directly contrasting the way he had teased her ruthlessly with her toys moments earlier. And he had to jump up and walk away from it all so quickly, leaving her alone to finish brushing her hair herself. In an empty room. On an empty bed. Filled with the memories of what had just taken place. 

She finished getting herself ready for bed, realizing that in no way did she have the energy to do anything else for the night after doing that with Harry. YN even went as far as making up the bed and was about to get into it when Harry finished up helping her brother get ready for his date and knocked on the door again. 

“Oh darling, you aren’t going to sleep in that messy bed. Come on, come spend the night with me.” 

And who was she to disagree?

Harry held her close as they ate dinner and went to sleep early. Too early, maybe. But they were both pretty wiped out after the day in the sun and all the playing they had done. Maybe it was all for the best, though, because YN was able to sneak back into her room early in the morning before anyone was the wiser. 

The only real downside was that she was left with time by herself to think and wonder and worry over what she was doing with Harry. The last few days had been so much fun, and she wouldn’t take them back for the world. In fact, she wanted to live in this fantasy they were building together for as long as she possibly could. She reveled in the way he spoke to her, the way he touched her, the way he treated her. He could go from being so gentle to so harsh in the blink of an eye, and she loved living on the edge for it. 

But what did it all mean? Who was she now that she knew she liked to be treated this way? Was she really getting into a secret relationship with her brother’s best friend? Was it really a relationship at all? 

She didn’t know. And she was too afraid to ask. 

So instead she continued on with the day as normal, meeting the rest of the family downstairs for breakfast (and eating a yogurt, a fruit, and and egg, because Harry’s brows raised every time she tried to get up and clear her plate) before collecting their things and hopping aboard the yacht that her parents had chartered for the day. 

YN had only dreamt of something like this - to be on a chartered yacht off the Italian coast on a warm day. Dressed in her favorite blue bikini and a silk cover up, a hat adorning her head as she continued to read her book she was taking it all in, she was grateful to have learned that Harry had some sort of in with the owner of the boat, and got a good deal on it for the family that day. The whole day felt like one big breath of fresh air. 

They snacked on a charcuterie board for lunch, indulging in a few glasses of wine each and talking about their favorite parts of the trip now that it was nearing the end. YN of course had several favorite moments which she would be unable to tell the family, but she and Harry shared a knowing look when it came around to her turn. She lied, of course, and said she just loved the sound of the water on the beach and getting a chance to really read her book. 

Harry said he enjoyed playing games, especially in the water, and YN almost choked on her sip of wine. 

By mid afternoon, they were all pleasantly tipsy, and Harry was clearly having a hard time keeping his eyes off of YN. Her brother even noticed it at one point, groaning and shoving Harry when he was distracted by her. “Come on man, I swear to god if I find out you’re fucking my sister I’m gonna punch you in the face.” 

He didn’t seem to be too bothered by it, though, because within about thirty seconds he was back to recounting his night on his date with the girl from the pool. They had gone to a small cafe for dinner, talked a lot, apparently she was on a girls’ trip but they had all decided to try and find separate dates for the night that night. YN tried desperately not to listen to him, but with the wine in his blood he was talking louder than he should have been and she was unfortunately privy to all the details about how she was such a great kisser and he didn’t get home until 3am and… 

YN walked away after that, unable to keep hearing the lewd story she wished to never know. She went to one of the bedrooms on the inside of the boat, a nicely made bed with fluffy pillows calling her name. At first she was planning to continue reading her book (it had just gotten to the good part where he offered to share his hotel room with her). But soon, the gentle rocking of the boat was easing her into a sleepy state. 

By the time Harry followed her downstairs, her eyes were drifting closed. She wasn’t even entirely sure if she heard him come in, or if she was already dreaming. He looked so pretty the way he was standing there, shirt off and short shorts hanging low on his waist. His skin had tanned quite a bit on this trip, looking warm and comforting. His thick thighs were on display, a soft sprinkling of hair showing that he wasn’t a little kid anymore either. Her mouth was practically watering at the way his muscles contracted as he moved. 

Sitting down on the edge of the bed next to her, he gently moved a piece of hair out of her face and around her ear before stroking the back of her head lightly. 

“Hi baby,” he whispered. “Look so pretty like this.” 

YN sighed, eyes squeezing closed. 

“Did the wine make you a little bit sleepy?” he cooed.

She responded with a noncommittal hum. 

Harry let out a breath before continuing. “Need you to wake up, darling. Gonna waste all your time on the boat. Don’t you want to come play in the water with me?” 

Her ears perked up at the word ‘play’, but instead of making a move to get up she just snuggled into her pillow further. 

“Come on, sweet girl. Don’t leave me all by myself. Be good for me.” 

But still, she didn’t move. 

“I’ll ask nicely one more time. Please get up and come swim with me, honey.” 

“But I’m sleepy,” she finally responded, words fumbled under her breath. 

Harry stood up then, and YN opened her eyes when she felt the bed move beneath her and the loss of his hand resting on top of her head. 

“Oh, so now you’re willing to speak to me?” he replied, brows high on his head. 

She just shrugged. 

His mood shifted quickly, from trying to gently coerce her into waking up to instead harshly directing her to allow him to play. “Roll onto your back and spread your legs,” he commanded as he walked towards the door and turned the lock. 

Obeying, she rolled over and stretched her arms high above her head as she let out a yawn. Eyes squeezed shut as she did so, she noticed Harry walking back over to her, jumping a bit upon feeling his weight on the end of the bed. 

Harry stroked his hands up and down her lower legs for a moment, head tilted to the side. 

“What am I gonna do with you, hm?” he asked condescendingly, but he didn’t wait for an answer. “Didn’t use words, didn’t get up when I asked you multiple times… someone isn’t being very good today. Someone is being a bit of a brat.” 

The last word hung in the air. YN hadn’t intended to break any rules, she didn’t mean to be a brat. She was just a little wine sleepy and cozy from the rocking of the boat, honestly. But if being a brat meant he might choke her while they looked out at the ocean, then maybe it wasn’t the worst outcome after all. 

“Still no words for me? Darling, you aren’t helping yourself right now. Was already gonna punish you but the more rules you break the worse off your punishment is gonna be.” 

YN just responded with a whine, a frown standing out on her lips. 

“Well if that’s how you’re going to be today, then fine. I’ll treat you like the little brat you clearly are. Take off your clothes.” When she didn’t move right away, his tone got even harsher. “I said, take off your clothes.” 

And if he was going to play this game with her, she might as well play along. It couldn’t be too hard to pick up the part, could it? All she had to do was disobey him, even when her natural instinct was telling her to be agreeable to whatever he said. But she’d be lying if she claimed to not want to know what kind of punishments he might inflict on her, especially after the way he was talking in the ocean the other day. Would he edge her some more? Tie her up? Spit in her mouth again? She didn’t know, but she was desperate to find out. 

“If you want them off so bad, then you do it,” she spat back at him.

His eyes got wide for a moment before he took a deep breath. 

“Babe, I need you to tell me your color. Do you actually not want to play right now or… are you just really playing?” 

“I’m green, Harry,” she assured him.

“Ok then.” He took another breath, refocusing his energy. 

After a moment, he leaned forward, crawling up her body until he was face to face with her, lips just barely touching. She wanted so badly to lean up the fraction of an inch and close the space between them, to feel his plush, sun-warmed lips on her own. But she knew waiting and feeding into this role would make it even better. 

His tongue dragged over his lips slowly, wetting them before he spoke. “When I ask you to do something,” he whispered, voice deeper than she had ever heard it. “I expect you to do it. Is that clear?” 

Silence.

“I said, is that clear?”

Again, silence. 

Harry grunted, crawling back down her body, taking her little silk wraparound coverup with him as he goes so she’s left just in the bikini she was tanning in earlier. She can feel the way he drinks her up as he eyes her exposed skin - her most intimate parts still covered but that doesn’t change the way his attitude makes her feel exposed to him. 

“Harry,” she whines softly, under her breath. She almost wasn’t sure he heard it, until his eyes met hers again and his frown turned into a slight smirk. 

“Oh now you’re talking, hm? And not even calling me sir… tsk tsk, what am I going to do with you?” 

She felt goosebumps rise up on her skin, but she stayed quiet, desperate to know what he was thinking but trusting that whatever it was, was going to be amazing. He promised to always take care of her, always make her feel good, and even when they were playing like this she knew he would fulfill that promise. 

At first, he just teased her, as if wanting to see how much each of them could really take. He let the tip of his finger curl beneath the waistband of her bottoms, running back and forth along her lower tummy. She could feel her own muscles quivering beneath his touch. Then he moved his attention back to her bikini top, snapping one of the strings like a middle school boy might do to an exposed bra strap. It didn’t hurt, but the sudden movement shocked YN enough to let out a little gasp. 

Finally, he started taking action. First dragging her bottoms down her legs and throwing them to the side. Rather than entirely remove her top, he pulled at the triangles, exposing her breasts to him. She could see the desire in his eyes when her nipples perked up from the cold of the room around her. 

“Where are they right now?” she asked quietly, trying to gauge if she had the privacy and space to make the noises that were getting caught up in her throat. 

“Getting dinner ready, I think,” Harry responded absentmindedly. 

That meant they would be on an upper deck, surrounded by pots and pans and dishes and the stove and the oven and all kinds of things making noises that would easily drown out whatever might come from this bedroom in the coming moments. 

“How much time do we have?” she asked again, as Harry’s hands started to graze up her legs and reach her tummy. 

He shrugged. “Enough.” 

His hands continued their journey, up to brush lightly over her nipples, a fire in his eyes the whole time. She gasped lightly at the feeling, his eyes shooting to hers at the sound. 

With one hand still on her chest, he brought the other one up to her neck, wrapping around it with no warning, bringing back memories of their first time together out on the balcony at the hotel. It was poetic, really, thinking back to how he kept telling her to look out at the open ocean, and now they were floating on top of it just days later. 

YN gulped, or she tried to at least. The weight of his hand against her throat felt nice, and the slight airway constriction was sending her head into spirals. Looking up at him, she couldn’t help but feel completely safe. His other hand was still playing with her sensitive nipples, making it difficult for her to focus on anything other than his name. 

She didn’t even realize that she had been saying it outloud until he removed his hand from her chest and used it to lightly slap at her cheek. It was more like a pat, but the sound was enough to make an impact. 

“Don’t call me that. You know not to call me that when we’re playing. Such a fucking brat…” he mumbled the last part under his breath as he removed his hand, wiping it on his shorts. 

“I’ll call you whatever I want,” she spit back at him. 

“The fuck you will. Spread your legs.” 

No matter how hard she wanted to play the part and be a brat, she couldn’t help but follow his instructions this time. It was hard not to want to spread her legs for him every time she saw him. It was hard before he had touched her, all those years of pining after him, believing he was the one thing she could never have. But especially now that she knew what he could, how he could make her feel. She would never give up an opportunity to feel him there. 

“Such a slut,” he said, hand still around her neck. “Acting like a brat and the only thing you listen about is opening your legs. My little whore.” 

She whined in response. 

“Now I’m going to move my hand, but you don’t make a sound unless I tell you to, ok? And if you want to say my name, I want to hear ‘sir’.” 

She nodded, but there was clear mischief in her eyes. 

With a deep breath, Harry refocused himself between her thighs, a place that she was finding him in more often than not these d ays.With one finger, he dragged her wetness from her weeping hole up to her clit, rubbing it around in a few tight circles. But it was clear he wasn’t going to be doing that for long, his attention elsewhere. 

A hand on each of her ankles, he tugged her legs harshly to adjust her so her knees were bent, exposing herself even more to him as her hips were canted upwards. 

“There we go,” he said under his breath.

YN didn’t really have time to wonder what he was thinking, because what came next happened so suddenly, she wasn’t entirely sure that it had happened at all. One moment, his hands were on her ankles, and the next, her core was stinging in pain and pleasure and his hand was rubbing at her folds to calm her down. 

“What was that?!” she gasped. 

Harry chuckled darkly before responding. “That, my darling, was your punishment for not listening to me when I asked you to get up, multiple times. And I think we’re going to do a few more of them too…” he trailed off for a moment before looking back at her. “You remember your colors?” 

“Yes,” she breathed out. 

He hummed, not giving her the usual “good girl” or even “good” as a response but just accepting it and moving on. 

Harry continued then, spanking her hard over her pussy, directly over her clit this time before rubbing lightly at the area, his other hand resting comfortingly on the inside of her thigh. YN swallowed her own gasp at the impact. 

“Why are you so mean to me?” she whined.

“M’not mean,” he responded. “M’punishing you. ‘S what you earned.” 

Another slap came down hard on her center. 

“I don’t like when you’re mean,” she whined again. 

Harry laughed under his breath then, taking his time and stroking her folds up and down, spreading her wetness all around the area to bring home his point.

“Sweetheart, you can say you don’t like it but your pussy’s dripping, so what am I supposed to believe?” 

“Harry.”

Another slap, this one harder than the previous ones. 

“I said call me sir.” 

YN nodded, her entire bratty facade officially up as she felt her blood pressure rising, heart beating loudly in her ears as she could only breathe through short pants. 

“Say you’re sorry.”

“Sorry,” she whispered. Her eyes were starting to water but she was trying desperately not to let them overflow, not yet. 

Another slap. 

“Sorry what?” he demanded.

“I’m sorry sir!” she cried out, voice just on the other edge of watery. 

Harry let out a breath, looking her up and down and giving her body a moment to recover. His eyes still sparkled with something, but YN was too far gone to put much thought into it. 

“Good girl,” he praised, dropping a hand down to graze circles over her tummy. “Now then… I’m hard as a fucking rock. Can’t go back to your family looking like this, can I?”

“No sir.” 

“That’s right, so keep your legs open for me. I also need to punish you for talking like a brat. Gonna keep being a bit mean… So remember you can tell me your colors even when I don’t ask for them.” 

Harry waited for her response before pulling his tiny shorts down just low enough for his cock to bounce up against his own abs. And he was right, he was rock hard. Even from her bad angle, YN could see every vein and ridge on his thick length, ruddy head leaking out a bead of precum without even being touched. 

“Think you can take me without having my fingers first?” he asked, lining himself up with her hole. 

“Yes sir,” she whimpered.

“When I first get inside of you, I want you to tell me your color, ok?” 

“Yes sir.” 

“Ok.”

Harry didn’t wait another moment, thrusting his hips hard into hers, her knees bent and resting around his waist as she called out green through a shaky breath. 

“Thank fuck,” he mumbled in response to her color. 

And before she could think about anything else, he was fucking her. Not just having sex with her, but fucking her with the brute force she always knew he possessed but never dreamed to be able to see or experience. Looking up to his face, she saw him biting down hard on his lower lip, surprised that he wasn’t drawing blood as he slammed into her again and again. The sound of his hips hitting her ass rang out in the room around them, YN’s moans and groans of pleasure mixing in as well. The chorus around them sang loudly, harshly, intensely. 

“Fucking dammit,” he grunted after a particularly deep thrust. “You feel so fucking good, shit. So tight. Oh my god…” he groaned at the end of his thought. 

“Harry! Please!” she called out. 

“Love it when you beg for me, beg for my cock.”

“Yes!” 

“Not gonna last much longer,” he admitted. “Tell me you want my cum. Tell me you deserve it.” 

“Want it… want it so bad… I need it,” she begged. 

“Yeah? Want me to fill you up? Fill up that pretty pussy?” 

“Yes sir!” 

“Wanna feel it here,” he said, pushing down on her lower stomach. “All the way in your tummy?” 

“Yes sir!” 

He was balancing on his hands above her, but soon fell down to his forearms, head hanging low between his shoulders. And if YN had the clarity of mind, she would have thought the sight was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen. The line of sweat at the top of his forehead and soaking his chest hairs making him shine like the sun above her. His mouth wide open, like he was trying to say something but couldn’t find the words. 

Even after only being with him a handful of times, she could tell already that he was close, a thought that was soon confirmed when he sat back on his knees, dragging her by her ass so he could continue fucking into her. 

“Harry, please, please sir,” she begged again. 

But all her begging and pleading was to no avail, as right when his brow scrunched close and his breath got caught in his throat, he was pulling out of her. His ropes of cum landed directly on the outside of her pussy, across her mound, and a few drips on the inside of her thighs. Harry kept his hand around himself for longer than he needed to, trying to get it all out or due to the post-cum stupor, YN couldn’t know. 

When he opened his eyes, he was smiling, looking down at where he had covered her. 

YN whined, frustrated that even after begging he decided not to cum inside of her like she liked. 

“Oh,” he said, smile quickly turning into a frown. “Did you want my cum inside of you?” 

“Yes sir,” she whimpered.

“Well then you have to be a bit more specific when you’re begging, hm? Besides… not sure you really deserve it after the way you spoke to me.” 

Subconsciously, YN started to pout - she had never been told she didn’t deserve cum before like this. But Harry leaned up, pushing her lower lip back into her mouth with his thumb. 

“No, you don’t get to be upset about this. You knew you weren’t gonna like your punishment when you spoke to me that way.” 

Nevertheless, she whined in response. 

He only groaned, sitting back on his knees again and taking in the sight in front of him. The whole picture was lewd, practically pronographic. Her pussy was puffy and pink and wet, covered in both of their fluids. There were no bruises - but YN had a feeling it was only because she was wearing a bathing suit and he didn’t want their escapades to be exposed that way.

His warm cum was growing cold on her skin, the mess in dire need of cleaning up. Based on previous times together, YN was expecting that Harry would find a washcloth in a closet somewhere, run it under warm water, and gently remove the evidence that he had claimed his territory.

Harry had other plans, however. Instead, he kneeled down at the end of the bed, dragging her by her hips and bringing her spread center up to his mouth as he took his first lick. 

“Fucking love this little pussy,” he whispered to himself. 

He used his tongue and his fingers to mix together his cum with her wetness before swallowing it all down. With his first two fingers, Harry massaged YN from the inside while his tongue continued working on the outside. YN knew it was messy because she could feel how wet she was, how easily his fingers and tongue were sliding over her skin, and the sounds he was making as he was eating as if he had been starved for days. 

It wasn’t long before her fingers were gripping the sheets below her, her teeth biting down hard on her tongue to try to keep herself from making too much noise. 

“Fuck, Harry…” 

“Not yet, brats don’t get to cum whenever they want to” he grumbled, without lifting his face from her fully. 

She took a deep breath, willing her pleasure to fade even just a little bit so she could remain in control of herself, but it was getting more and more difficult by the second. He was just so good at what he was doing, sucking hard on her clit and rubbing her in all the right places, his mouth devouring her like he was born to do it. YN’s eyes had been squeezed shut for a while now before she started truly squirming, desperate to get a little space from Harry and breathe on her own. 

“Hey, stop it,” he said, bringing his other arm around to hold her still for him. 

“Feels so good… I can’t…” 

“You can and you will. Now stay still. You don’t get to cum until I say you do. Is that clear?”

YN nodded.

“I said, is that clear?” 

“Yes sir.” 

He responded by spitting directly onto her clit, as if the area needed any more moisture at all. But the sight of it was just too much for YN as she let her head fall back onto the pillow. She tried her best to stay in control, but the truth was she had never tried to hold back an orgasm before, because she never needed to. With other guys, she was desperately trying to get there at all, and by herself, well she was happy to just let it happen as often as she could. This was different, and it was difficult, but she trusted Harry and wanted to follow his orders. 

Still, she couldn’t help but keep wiggling within his hold, her toes curling and uncurling over and over again, hips rocking back and forth. 

Harry backed away from her, removing his fingers as well, and she finally had a moment to take a breath. But the break didn’t last long as his hand came down hard on her wet lips, just as it had five times earlier. 

“I said, stay still. Do you want me to tie you up?” he threatened. 

YN’s eyes got wide.

“That’s what I thought. Now do what I say or you won't like the consequences.” 

“I’m trying H, but I-” 

She was cut off with another spank, causing her to cry out in response. 

“Trying isn’t enough,” he told her. “You hold it back, or I stop all together, do you understand?” 

“Yes sir,” she whimpered. 

He went back to work, but it wasn’t long before she was squirming once again. She didn’t mean to, she wasn’t trying to, she just couldn’t help it. It felt so good and she was trying so hard and she didn’t know any other way to hold back her own pleasure. She could already feel it tightening up into a ball in lower stomach, ready to explode at a moment's notice. 

“Harry,” she gasped out again. “Not sure… I can’t…” 

She was so close. Her head was rocking back and forth on the pillow in a desperate attempt to distract herself, but it wasn’t working. One more second of this and she was going to pop, she just knew it. Her muscles were tight, her pussy was throbbing, and Harry was hitting every spot exactly right. 

And then, it was over. 

Harry stopped. He just stopped. He released her body back down onto the bed, where her chest was rising and falling rapidly. She opened her eyes to look at him and saw as his entire lower face was glistening with their combined fluids. It was lewd the way he wiped it off with the back of his hand, licking his fingers at the end to savor the taste. 

“Harry,” she whined, questioning why he had stopped. 

“Told you, if you kept squirming you weren’t gonna like the consequences. So now, you don’t get to cum yet. Not until I decide you’ve earned it. Three punishments in one afternoon, that’s a new record, I think,” he teased. 

Before she could respond, Harry got off the bed and found a washcloth in the closet, just like YN had expected he would earlier. She watched as he wiped his own face and hands with it before throwing it in the hamper. He washed his hands and rinsed out his mouth before coming back to sit on the edge of the bed. 

YN looked up at him with a scrunched brow. He always cleaned her up after they were done. No other guy had ever done that for her before, but he always had. She was confused as to why he got rid of the cloth already. 

As if reading her mind, Harry spoke up. “Not gonna clean you up this time either. Gonna let the ocean do that, I think,” he explained. 

“Oh.” 

“This is what happens when you aren’t a good girl for me,” he said with a shrug. “You did this to yourself, baby.” 

Before she could think to respond, they heard loud cheering coming from the upper deck, both their heads looking in that direction as if the ceiling would be able to tell them anything about what was going on upstairs. YN tried to not to think about if the boat was really as soundproofed as she had hoped. 

“Come on then, better see what all the fuss is about,” he said, grabbing her bathing suit and helping her carefully get back into it. He slipped his cock back into his shorts, although the limited material was doing little to create any modesty for him, and YN couldn’t help but stare a little bit. He smiled when he caught her looking, but didn’t say anything, instead leading her to the door. 

When they got back onto the deck, they saw that dinner was almost ready and YN’s parents were cheering at her brother, who was inside a floating tube in the water. YN was still a bit shaky on her legs, easily feeling the wetness left between them but desperately trying to flip that switch in her mind and remember her surroundings.

“He jumped from the roof and made it into the middle of the floaty on the first try!” her mother eagerly informed them. 

Harry was instantly excited, asking for all the details of how he had gotten up onto the roof of the boat in the first place, obvious that he was trying to replicate the trick. 

“I’ll do a flip into the water!” he told them all. “Come on, YN!” 

He grabbed her hand, leading in the direction of the ladder that her mom had pointed out, but YN’s feet didn’t move. She was stuck in her spot as she looked up at how high up the roof above the captain’s quarters was, knowing that the boat itself was tall. The jump would easily be 50, maybe even 75 feet from the roof to the water.

“What’s wrong?” 

“I.. um…” 

YN’s mother cut her off. “Oh honey I thought you weren’t afraid of heights anymore? Come on now, you aren’t a little kid. Have some fun! Do something exciting!” she pushed her. 

Of course she wanted to do something fun. It sounded exciting. In the past she hadn’t been one to take many risks, but maybe that was changing anyway. Admitting to Harry out on the balcony that she had a crush on him was a risk. Continuing to hook up with him in secret was a risk. Who was she really to claim that she wasn’t a risk taker anymore?

“Come on,” Harry said softly, bringing her attention back to him. He was looking directly in her eyes, and for a moment she almost felt like no one else in the world existed. “I’ve got you. I’ll keep you safe, I promise.” 

And YN just couldn’t say no to a promise like that from Harry. She agreed, following him to the base of the ladder. 

“Why don’t you go up first,” he suggested. “That way if you fall, I’ll be right here to catch you.” 

“Yeah… ok,” she agreed hesitantly.

As she stepped in front of him, Harry whispered into her ear, “also gives me a great view of that ass.” 

All YN could do was smile in response as she climbed up the ladder. Towards the top her foot missed a rung, and Harry’s hand immediately went to grab at her ankle, keeping her steady and directing her to the next step. 

They made it to the top, but still, YN was chewing on her lip and fidgeting her fingers as she looked down at the ocean. 

“Do you want me to go first? Or do you want to hold hands while we jump?” 

YN thought it over. She desperately wanted to hold his hand, knowing it would make her feel safe and protected as she took the plunge. But she also knew that the whole family, including her brother, was watching them. And rule number one was to never let him find out so… she might just have to conquer this fear on her own. 

“You go first,” she said. “Wanna see that flip you said you could do. Then if I go too deep into the water you can save me again.” 

He looked at her softly, tilting his head. She noticed as he started to reach out with one hand before pulling it back quickly. 

“Right then…” he said, trailing off. 

His body looked so pretty as did a somersault into the gentle waves below. The splash was big, but he came back up for air quickly, smiling and laughing as he waded next to her brother. He made it look so simple, so easy, so inconsequential. It wasn’t fair. 

“Come on!” Harry called from down below. “Just jump, it’ll be ok! I promise!” 

“Yeah, scaredy-cat!” her brother teased from next to him. “Just get it over with!” 

She took a deep breath. She could do this. It was easy enough for both of them. Harry had jumped pretty far out away from the boat, which was probably a good strategy to make sure he didn’t land on the deck or hit the side of the hull. And YN knew she could do that because there was just enough space to take a little bit of a running start. But both of the boys had done tricks, and YN didn’t have any tricks. 

Looking down again, she saw Harry’s face. He was looking up to her with a soft smile, but his brows were crinkled just a bit with concern. 

He would be there. Harry would be there at the bottom and everything would be ok. He had saved her from the water once before, and he could save her again if she did something stupid like hit her head or get tangled in seaweed or-

“YN!” Harry called up again. 

Another deep breath. She closed her eyes for a moment as she took a step back. Then, with two steps of a running start, she leaped out away from the boat, screaming as she flew through the air. 

At first the scream was out of fear, but within a short moment it turned to a scream of fun, of excitement, of adventure. A smile spread across her face. She did it! She actually did it! 

And then she hit the water, sinking deep below the surface. Her eyes were closed, but arms were flailing enough to feel around her. There was no seaweed, and it was only a moment until she felt a familiar hand wrap around her wrist, helping to pull her to the surface. 

YN giggled when she got her first breath of air, proud of herself for what she had done. When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was Harry, his eyes wide as he looked at her proudly. For a moment she could have sworn he was leaning in to kiss her, only to back away when her brother swam closer. 

“I knew you had it in you, kiddo!” he congratulated, a pat on her back from where he was comfortably floating in his tube. 

She turned around to see her smiling older brother beside her. 

The three of them swam in the warm, clear water together as her parents set the table for dinner. The sun was going to be setting soon, and the sky looked so pretty through the few clouds drifting overhead. Harry’s laughter was ringing in the back of her head, and she couldn’t stop herself from smiling. 

She smiled to herself while they were in the water, and then all through dinner (especially when Harry accidentally took an entire plateful of peas). And she smiled when they sat around the table talking about their plans for the next day, and she smiled when she volunteered to clear the table for everybody. 

And she smiled even more when they realized there were three showers on board, and it was decided that her parents and brother would get the first turn, leaving YN and Harry to themselves as the boat began floating back to harbor. 

They sat down together near the back of the boat, watching the wake behind them as the sun was setting. The sky was an array of pinks and oranges and a little bit of leftover blue. Her feet dangling off the edge, YN sat close beside Harry, tentatively resting her head on his shoulder. 

“You know,” he broke the silence. “I think I still owe you an orgasm, don’t I?” 

YN perked up at that. 

“I earned it?” 

Harry laughed lightly. “My girl conquered a fear today, she definitely deserves to cum.” 

“I’m your girl?” 

Harry hummed in agreement. “You’re mine now, didn’t you know?” 

YN didn’t respond, except to lean forward and kiss him lightly through a smile. Their lips only touched a bit, but his were soft and plush, warm from the sun and wet from his own tongue. If they had more time, she would fully indulge, crawl on top of him and make out with him for as long as he would let her. She loved the way he held her face, or rubbed at her lower back, or grasped her ribs, or rubbed her sideboob. 

But before she could get too far into it, Harry separated them. “Come on now, don’t have much time, do we?”

YN looked around. “Here? Now?”

“Yeah, baby. Why not.” 

“Think we only have five minutes at most before they come back up,” she reasoned. 

Harry looked down at his watch, then back to YN. 

“That’s plenty of time, come on now, lay down.” 

He guided her body so she was lying on her back with her feet planted on the ground, knees in the air. Spreading her legs with his hips, he used his own body to cover her and try to keep some semblance of modesty, just in case the captain happened to look that way in the next five minutes. Harry supported his weight on his forearm next to her head, leaning down to place another gentle peck on her lips before allowing his hand to travel under her bikini bottoms. 

YN was going to protest, having never done something like this so publicly. But the only thing that came out of her mouth was a slight gasp when his fingers expertly started playing with her clit.

“Is that good, sweetheart?” he cooed. 

“Yes sir,” she breathed out. 

His arm worked a little harder, fingers sliding themselves inside of her while the heel of his hand still worked against her clit. They were in a rush, so she could feel that he was pulling out all the stops right away, not teasing like he usually did to her. But she wouldn’t complain. His fingers were like magic, probably gained some strength from his time in front of a piano or holding a guitar. The reason didn’t matter, though, just the way he was making her feel. 

It wasn’t long before she felt her orgasm building in her lower belly. 

“Harry I… I’m gonna…” 

She looked around them, worry on her face. If even one of them was out of the shower already, they could hear her when she finally popped around his fingers. And she knew she didn’t have the self control to stay quiet enough.

“I’m loud… I can’t…” 

Harry shushed her, adjusting the way he was holding his weight so he could cover her mouth with the hand that wasn’t occupied. 

“Come on now, darling. Let go for me. That’s it… right there…” 

And she did, following his instructions exactly and biting down on his finger when she couldn’t get to her own lip to keep herself quiet. A muffled moan sounded lightly, but YN couldn’t find it in herself to care anymore. Harry was there, and he was all she was thinking about. His fingers, his hand, his face, his… 

“YN, where are you?” she heard her mother call out from the other end of the boat just as she was coming down from her high. 

She was panting, unable to put any words together, looking desperately at Harry instead. 

“We’re just watching the sunset!”

Yeah… something like that. 

MASTERLIST - PATREON - BBF TAG - PART 4 - PART 6

[ghostfilecabinet]

November’s is Ryan’s birthday month, so our theme is: BOTTOM BERGARA! Because loving someone in fandom means wanting to see them fucked silly. Without further ado -

Onwards.

let us touch so much of ourselves together by uneventfulhouses | E, 4K | He’s soft, but Ryan knows a huge dick when he sees one. “Jesus.” Ryan blinks and. Well, he blinks again, because what else can he do. He realizes he’s staring at it, but—

Once Upon a Porno by GomorrahHillsides (Within_N_Without) | E, 15K | How one awkward moment can change your future. Or, the story of how two grown men end up forging a deeper, more intimate relationship by way of dubbing a period piece porno together.

The Thermostat by GomorrahHillsides (Within_N_Without) | ft. D/s | E, 12K | When arguing over the thermostat blatantly means 'I love you'.

The Wall Between Us by buzzfeedunwritten (loudmouthraccoon) | E, 29K | In order to get over his hopeless crush on Shane, Ryan finds himself at an establishment specifically designed for the purpose of safe anonymous sex. It goes about as well as you would imagine.

A Grand Unified Theory for Dummies by Siria | E, 5K | Shane had something of a grand unified theory of dating one Ryan Bergara brewing which—and bear with him here—used Pokemon as its central metaphor.

kiss today goodbye (point me towards tomorrow) by idkspookystuff | E, 4k | Suddenly, there’s a loud crack from behind them. Shane and Ryan go still, and from this close, Ryan can see the hair stand up on Shane's arms. “Do you think there’s any chance that’s Taylor Lautner?” Ryan jokes feebly. He’s gonna be really mad if those are his last words.

leave me high and dry by bodhirookes | E, 11k | He can’t believe he’s hearing this come out of Shane’s mouth. He says as much out loud. “I can’t believe this. You think I’m a wimp? Even throughout all of the demon encounters and my rippling muscles?”

this rainstorm (it smells like home) by popkin16 | ft. a/b/o | E, 28k | Ryan’s heats were always regular, like clockwork. [...]  His next heat wasn’t due for another two months, but it was hard to deny how empty his nest looked and how much it bothered him.

Baby, Be Mine by petitfangs | ft. D/s | E, 7K | “Hey,” Ryan greeted him, eyes big and warm like the curl of his lips, the bright shine of his teeth, white and perfect. Something tightens, low and hot, in Shane’s stomach. He tampers down the sudden urge to kiss him. 

Want You In My Court by Ourladyofresurrection | ft. D/s | E, 51k | How do you gracefully say: ‘Hey, I know we’re in a group project now, but I think I came to the sound of your voice the other night and I can’t stop thinking about it and frankly, it’s driving me a little crazy‘

Can't We Just Roll for the Moment by punk_rock_yuppie | E, 2.8k | “This doesn’t count as proof,” Shane says.

Wind Me Tighter Than a Wire by sequence_fairy, uneventfulhouses | E, 5k | Ryan’s like, “I’m just aesthetically attracted to some men in particular,” and “I don’t want to do anything about it,” and “alright, maybe, sometimes, I think about getting lovingly railed by Henry Cavill while I jerk off but who doesn’t?” and Shane is maybe losing his mind about it.

be so sweet by sarcasticfishes | ft. D/s | E, 3k | “I feel like you’ve been thinking about this for a while,” Shane says, keeps stroking through Ryan’s hair, again and again, soothing, “I think you already know what you want from me.”

Teacher's Pet by chapscher | E, 24k | “You aren’t describing a teacher’s pet! You’re describing… I don't know the name for it. Someone who tries to seduce their teacher so they can get a better grade.” “Isn’t that a teacher’s pet?”

Oh, Ho, The Mistletoe by Bottomryanbitch | E, 7k | Mistletoe made them do it: sex pollen edition.

Lovesick fool by petitfangs | E, 7k | “If I make you come, will you get off my lap and stop trying to kiss me?” Shane asks gruffly. 

stay the night with the sinners by bodhirookes | E, 85k | Steven Lim and Andrew Ilnyckyj flee Heaven and Hell to be together, and Ryan Bergara is forced to serve on the jury for their trial. Shane Madej is constantly there to remind him why Heaven and Hell should never be allowed to fraternize.

Shut Me Up by Fraudgara | ft. D/s | E, 6k | "You never seem to shut up when I'm touching you." Shane and Ryan play a very very terribly executed rendition of the quiet game.

Read To Me by ouijaboy (nbfutureboy) | E, 18k | When acclaimed children’s author Shane Madej meets a long-suffering parent at one of his signings, he decides on a whim that he’d like to torture this man some more. As it turns out, both Ryan Bergara and his son are two infinitely entertaining human beings.

Something Old, Something New by ChimChimCherrie | E, 8k | Thrifting wasn't Ryan's favorite way to spend an afternoon, but he had to admit the boutique that Mari found was pretty cool.

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

Assassin To Avenger

Pairing: Bucky x Reader x Loki

Word Count: 7k

Warnings: there's some violence- Tony's an asshole

Genre: fluff, maybe a little angst if you squint

Summary: You and your assassin for hire boyfriends end up at the Avengers tower following a strange run-in in the middle of one of your jobs

***

"Do either of you have eyes on the target yet?" You ask through your earpiece.

"Check your 2 o'clock darling." Loki replies. You scan the street from your spot on a rooftop.

"Got him- Bucky he's at your six." You tell Bucky.

"Okay spotted him." Bucky confirms.

"Can you get a clean shot y/n?" Loki asks.

"I'm gonna try to get closer- Bucky stay on him." You take a few steps back to get a running start and leap from one building to another. Just as you launch yourself off the rooftop an explosion behind you hinders your landing and you tuck and roll to avoid crashing.

"What the hell was that?" Bucky asks.

"Loki please tell me you saw whatever the fuck caused that." You say turning around to look at the other building.

"We've got company." Loki says.

"What kind of company?" You grumble.

"The iron kind." Loki quips.

"What the fuck does the iron kind mean Loki?" Bucky huffs.

"Y/n duck and check your seven." Loki says instead of answering Bucky. You follow Loki's instructions and barely miss getting blasted by a missile. When you stand up and spin around Iron Man lands on the roof behind you.

"Woah! You know it does not make a good first impression to blow someone up before you've even told them your name." You say. Instead of answering he swings a fist towards you that you dodge by rotating to the left and you grab his wrist.

"Stark right? You really suck at introductions." You frown using magic to take his feet out from under him and land him on his back.

"Ha! You look like a turtle now."  You giggle. Loki lands next to you on the roof and launches Tony Stark away.

"Hasn't anyone told you not to play with your food?" Loki looks at you. You hum and drag your finger down his chest.

"Oh but you love when I play with you." You say.

"Are you two done up there?" Bucky scoffs. You chuckle.

"If you missed it babes we're on the Avengers' radar now- I doubt Iron Man came alone so keep your eyes open." You say.

"Oh my eyes are open- but my lookout is busy flirting with our girlfriend." Bucky says.

"Bucky you might wanna get out of the square and meet us up here, you're too exposed down there." You say spotting something cutting very quickly through the air.

"That would be easier if I knew where you guys were." Bucky notes. Before you can answer you realize the flying thing is going straight towards Bucky, and it's a person. You busy yourself using magic to create a barrier between the winged person and your boyfriend. Once he crashes into it you wrap your magic around him and launch him away, again using your magic to ensure he doesn't die when he lands.

"Rooftop at your 8." Loki says.

"One of you wanna make this easier so I don't have to walk up a dozen flights of steps?" Bucky grumbles. You lock hands with Loki and together you bring him up to where the two of you are.

"You could have let him crash into that building you know." Loki says.

"We're not getting paid to kill an avenger today, so no reason to do that my love." You say patting his cheek.

"Trying to blow you up doesn't count as a reason?"

"Well you launched the one that tried to blow me up across town so I think we're good." You shrug. The sound of metal against metal pulls your attention towards Bucky- who's holding a shield you'd recognize anyway.

"What the hell?" Loki frowns.

"Would you two pay attention?" Bucky huffs.

"Oh great- here comes the red, white, and blue golden boy." You roll your eyes.

"Makes sense, three avengers to handle three assassins." Loki shrugs.

"They definitely attacked in the wrong order then." You frown, looking around for the owner of the starred item.

"What?" Bucky frowns.

"Iron man to take me down, the bird to take you out, and when those failed they send- golden boy to take down all three of us? He's certainly outmatched." You explain.

"Maybe he wasn't for all of us. Maybe he was for Loki but now we're together so plans changed." Bucky says.

"That's an even worse plan." Loki shakes his head.

"What? Why?" Bucky asks.

"Well because stars and stripes is like you baby and Loki's a god."

"Wait he was also an assassin for a Nazi terrorist organization?" Bucky blinks at you.

"No- not that part honey- he's a super soldier, he was made here in the states though around the same time as you actually." You explain.

"Either way- not the best match against a god." Loki says. With all of you distracted none of you realize Captain America has joined you all on the roof until he makes a move to get his shield from Bucky.

"Oh hey welcome to the party- took you long enough, that shield must get a lot of distance." You quip as Bucky springs into action against Captain America. The two go on, evenly matched for about ten minutes before they get a chance to look at each other. When Bucky catches a throw of the shield Captain America falters on his next attack with wide eyes.

"Bucky?" He breathes out. You share a look with Loki and you know he's wondering the same thing. Why does this Avenger know Bucky's name?

"Steve?" Bucky blinks.

"I thought you were dead." Steve says.

"I'm sorry anyone wanna fill us in on want we're missing?!" You cross your arms.

"What are you doing pal?" Steve frowns at his friend.

"Can I finish this?" Loki asks you.

"No. Let's just go, guys." Bucky says walking away. You glance at Loki.

"Bucky? Bucky!? Take care of the target and meet us when you're done." You tell Loki before chasing Bucky down.

~*~*~

"Bucky you wanna explain what the hell that was out there?" Loki asks when he walks into your shared apartment about twenty minutes after you and Bucky did.

"Loki." You say softly.

"What?! We deserve answers." He huffs.

"Be kind- I think Steve used to be important to him. He's upset." You tell Loki handing him a glass of water.

"But-" you cut Loki off with a finger and walk over to Bucky with some water for him too.

"Bucky- I didn't push when we got back, but Loki's right, we deserve some answers about what happened. Now that we're all back- we really should talk about this." You say gently.

"Steve was my best friend in the 30s. We were basically family- seeing him today- it was like seeing a ghost." Bucky shakes his head.

"I'm sorry baby- I know your life pre-hydra is a difficult subject." You frown.

"I have to talk to him." Bucky says.

"Are you serious?! Did you forget he was part of the team trying to kill us today?" Loki scoffs.

"Loki this is more complicated for him than it is for us. Try to be understanding." You chastise. Loki sighs but quickly changes his approach.

"Do you plan to meet him alone?" Loki asks.

"I- I don't know. Do you think I should?" Bucky asks looking at you both.

"It might be easier, to meet him alone. I'm sure he's not a fan of us." You shrug.

"You could meet him in a coffee shop or something- then we could be at another table for moral support." Loki suggests.

"You'd do that?" Bucky asks him.

"Of course Buck. We're in this together, always." Loki throws his arm over Bucky's shoulders.

"Alright. I'll meet with him. How do we even get in touch with him?" Bucky frowns.

"Well- you could call him, or we can use a spell." You say.

"There's a spell for this?" Bucky looks at you.

"There's a spell for everything, don't you know that by now?" Loki winks.

"I don't have his number- the spell will be quicker won't it?" Bucky asks.

"Yes." Loki says.

"Spell it is." You say, making the formations for a contact spell. Loki shifts out of the way as you finish the spell and Steve comes into view.

"Steve! Can you hear me?" Bucky yells into the glowing magic orb showing his friend's face. Steve's head snaps up from whatever he was doing and his eyes widen as he glares curiously at the orb in front of him.

"What the heck is this? Why can I see you? How is this possible? Where are you?" Steve pokes cautiously at the orb that simply contorts around him.

"It's a spell, my girlfriend's doing it. I wanted to talk and, well since I don't have your number we figured this was faster." Bucky explains.

"Your girlfriend? The woman you were with on the rooftop?" Steve asks.

"Yeah her. She's a witch. Her name's y/n." Bucky nods.

"What are you doing Buck? Taking assassination jobs with a witch and that- mischief god? This isn't like you." Steve frowns. Loki can't help but silently scoff and you reach across Bucky to pinch him, out of view of Steve.

"Steve- we've lived... very different lives. You might not agree with what I do- but you shouldn't judge what you don't understand." Bucky tells him.

"Bucky. There's no way you can justify killing people-"

"Bad people. I'm not killing civilians. I'm- we take care of the guys the law doesn't. Child predators, serial killers- we're contract killers sure but we have rules." Bucky explains.

"Playing judge jury and executioner-"

"Steve the world isn't black and white. Good guys aren't always heroes and heroes aren't always good." Bucky says.

"You're working with a god who almost destroyed New York." Steve says.

"And you're working with a war criminal who did destroy an entire country. Unrelated to his affinity for funding wars." Bucky frowns.

"Tony Stark and I are not friends. You seem pretty close to the god." Steve says.

"The god is my boyfriend." Bucky says.

"I thought you were dating the girl. The witch?" Steve frowns in confusion.

"I'm dating them both." Bucky says.

"Okay. Okay well- that's, interesting. Look we'll circle back to that later. Bucky you can't keep doing this. Regardless of your reasoning this thing you're doing is dangerous- and it's wrong." Steve says.

"Steve-"

"Look I've got an idea. Let's meet for lunch, tomorrow at 2. There's a cafe on the corner of 5th and Hollywood. Can you make it?" Steve asks.

"Fine. I'll see you then." Bucky says.

"Great! Bye for now." Steve says. You end the magic call then.

"What a square." Loki scoffs.

"Loki!" You reprimand.

"Oh come on did you hear him? All that nonsense about how what we do isn't right. I bet he's even more rattled that Bucky has two partners." Loki rolls his eyes. You lean over Bucky to pluck Loki's forehead.

"Bucky how are you feeling?" You ask, turning your attention to him while Loki mutters complaints about being plucked.

"I'm fine I think. He's- judgier than I remember." Bucky says.

"He seems... morally sound." You say trying not to be negative.

"He seems morally egotistical." Loki says.

"He's just- very black and white. Clearly he sees things a little more binary than we do." You say.

"A little more binary? Really?" Loki scoffs.

"Yes- there's no real grey area for him it appears." You say.

"Whatever." Loki rolls his eyes.

"He's always been a good kid- very focused on 'doing the right thing'." Bucky shrugs.

"Do you want us to go with you to lunch tomorrow baby?" You ask.

"No- I think I can handle it." Bucky says.

"If you change your mind, we're totally okay going with you James." Loki says.

"I know, thank you. But I think you guys being there would cause extra strain." Bucky says.

"Oh, Loki did you finish the job by the way?" You ask.

"Of course I did." He says.

"Thanks Loki. Sorry for- running off like that." Bucky says.

"Don't worry about it. Your world was imploding or whatever." Loki shrugs. You roll your eyes and let out a laugh as you stand up.

"Idiot." You say kissing Loki lightly as you walk away.

"Where're you going?" Loki asks.

"And why didn't I get a kiss?" Bucky frowns.

"I'm going to shower. It's been a long day. And Loki got a kiss for finishing the job on our behalf." You answer them both.

"Well I want a kiss." Bucky says. Loki grabs Bucky by his hair and kisses him harshly.

"Happy now?" Loki asks lowly.

"Yeah. That works." Bucky responds.

"Oh that was hot. Now I really need a shower. Don't have too much fun without me!" You call as you disappear down the hall.

~*~*~

When Bucky returns from lunch the next day you and Loki are sitting at the island talking over a bowl of chips.

"Hey baby how was your lunch meeting?" You ask. Bucky barely looks at you as he walks by. You look at Loki who walks in front of him and places his hands on Bucky's shoulders.

"James!" He says frowning at Bucky.

"Sorry, what?" Bucky blinks at him.

"I asked how your lunch with Steve went." You say.

"Oh. It uh- it went well. He offered us space at the tower." Bucky frowns.

"The tower?" Loki frowns.

"Like- the Avengers tower? Why would he do that?" You ask.

"Apparently he talked to the others. He wants us to join the Avengers. Enough of them seem okay with it." Bucky explains.

"Enough of them?" You question.

"Thor vouched for Loki. Steve vouched for me. The girls apparently vouched for you."

"I'm surprised the Avengers operate like a democracy." Loki muses.

"I don't think they do." You say.

"They don't. Steve simply insisted- and he said that one of them convinced the others because he's literally a computer and he claimed the pros outweighed the cons." Bucky shrugs.

"Well what did you say?" Loki asks, sitting next to you at the island.

"I told him I'd talk to you guys." Bucky shrugs sitting on Loki's other side.

"Do you want to join the Avengers?" You ask.

"I- I don't know. I'm not anything like them. None of us are." Bucky says.

"I for one am not particularly interested in joining that band of insufferable moral egoists, but we make decisions together so- I'm open to discussing it." Loki says.

"I think it could be fun." You shrug.

"Fun?" Loki asks flatly.

"Yeah- I mean- getting to run around with a bunch of superheroes. That could be one hell of an adventure." You say.

"An adventure? With a bunch of squares? There's no way that would be interesting." Loki says.

"Oh come on- I'm sure we could make it interesting. Even with a bunch of squares." You smile at him.

"I think- we should give it a try." Bucky says.

"Really? You too?" Loki blinks at him.

"If you hate it we'll leave, but there's no harm in checking it out." Bucky says swinging his arm over Loki's shoulders.

"Fine- if you guys want to- we'll give up the assassin gig to join New York's favorite heroes I guess. Makes little difference to me, I'm not from here." Loki shrugs.

"So- are we moving into the tower?" You ask.

"Probably- I'll talk to Steve about it." Bucky says.

~*~*~

The three of you move into the tower a couple of weeks later and calling it an adjustment might be a bit of an understatement. Loki especially grumbles the first few days you're there. While you quickly befriend the other witch in the tower, Wanda, the others aren't as kind to you or your boyfriends- except Vision who seems to like both Bucky and Loki.

"So are we doing anything here or are they just- keeping us here to watch us? Like being grounded?" Loki asks throwing himself onto your bed with Bucky.

"Is it being grounded if everyone is here? We can't go on missions that aren't happening now can we?" You ask glancing over your shoulder from your vanity.

"Sure they aren't going on missions now but when they do- will we even be part of all that?" Loki scoffs.

"I'd assume so. Steve did say they wanted us to join the team- if it was just about keeping us in line why would he say that?"

"To convince us to come here obviously." Loki says.

"Pardon the interruption- Captain Rogers would like the three of you to join the rest of the Avengers in meeting room A immediately." Friday's voice announces in your room.

"Sounds like it's mission time. Guess you're getting what you want after all baby." You look at him as you exit the room. Bucky and Loki follow you on either side as you head to the meeting room. When you walk in everyone turns to you.

"Oh good they decided to join us." Tony snips. You roll your eyes at him and sit next to Wanda.

"Hey." You say to her quietly.

"Hi." She smiles at you. Loki sits on your other side and Bucky takes the seat next to him.

"So if you look in the folders I gave you this is very simply recon mission. We located a Hydra base it's supposed to be shut down so we just wanna clear it and burn it down." Steve explains.

"So who's going?" Natasha asks.

"Bucky will be going along with Loki, y/n, and Tony." Steve says.

"Absolutely not." Loki scoffs.

"Loki." You look at him with a frown.

"The last time we did anything with Tony Stark shot a missile at you- which he still has not apologized for by the way. So excuse me if I'm not quite keen on putting your life in his hands." Loki explains.

"My life wouldn't be in his hands and we're all on the same side now." You say quietly.

"He's not exactly made that obvious since we got here." Loki points out.

"Oh- so what? You want me to apologize to your girlfriend?" Tony scoffs.

"That would be a start." Loki says.

"Fine. Sorry for shooting a missile at you. To stop you from killing a civilian." Tony rolls his eyes.

"Well actually he was a Russian assassin but semantics right? He's a civilian to someone somewhere I'm sure." You shrug.

"Wait- what?" Tony frowns.

"Oh did no one tell you we only took contracts to kill shitty people? Predators, serial killers, assassins with too many unnecessary civilian casualties- you know people the law can't or won't take care of." You smirk.

"You took out other assassins? Isn't that just the pot calling the kettle?" Tony snorts.

"This pot didn't kill an entire bus full of school children when his target was the driver. The pot only ever took out the driver if they deserve it."

"Wait what?" Steve frowns.

"The guy we were after that day killed an entire bus of children to get to the driver. Are you going to tell me he doesn't deserve what we did to him?"

"It's not our job to make that decision." Tony says through clenched teeth.

"Maybe not your job- but Bucky, Loki and I have no problem making that decision." You shrug.

"Steve maybe someone else ought to go with them." Natasha says.

"Actually- this is great." He shakes his head.

"What?" You look at him incredulously.

"I need to know that your personal problems won't jeopardize a mission." Steve tells you.

"My personal problems never get in the way of a job." You say.

"That's great. I hope your boyfriend can say the same."

"He can. The man child over there might have a bit of a harder time." You say.

"Man child?!" Tony says incredulously.

"Loki, Bucky, and I make a great team already. We don't need Stark with us." You look at Steve.

"I'm sure the three of you work very well together. I need to know that you can work with the rest of us and- Tony is inarguably the most combative so, if this mission goes well I'll feel confident in you all joining the team, sending you on other assignments." Steve explains.

"But of course if that's too hard for you- you can always leave." Tony says. You blow out a breath and fix Tony with a stare that has Loki trying to hide a smirk- he knows something ruthless is about to come.

"If you're trying to piss me off you'll have to work a lot harder than that. But before you do keep in mind all three of us can individually snap you in half. Two of us can do it even when you're in your suit. Don't let those fancy toys fool you into thinking you are more than just a man. And men, are incredibly breakable." You say quietly. Tony looks genuinely shocked at your words while  both of your boyfriends are sharing a look of lustful pride.

"Damn." Natasha says amused.

"Oh yeah threaten me- that's a great way to prove you can work with this team." Tony scoffs after a minute.

"That wasn't a threat. It was a reminder. Besides- we're not on the mission yet- so I'll say whatever the fuck I want until we get on a quinjet." You turn away from him.

"You all leave in an hour. Prepare whatever you need. The rest of you all stay- we've got other assignments to discuss." Steve says. You're the first to leave to your room. Bucky and Loki follow you dutifully. By the time they've reached your room, you're in your closet pulling out your jumpsuit. Loki doesn't even let you finish putting it on before his arms wrap around your waist.

"That- was very attractive." Loki mutters against your neck. You snap your fingers to finish putting your clothes on.

"What?" You try to look at him.

"The way you handled Stark." Bucky says kissing your temple.

"You too?" You chuckle.

"Men are incredibly breakable- has got to be one of the greatest things you've said outside of the bedroom." Loki says.

"Well- he was getting on my nerves." You huff.

"We noticed." Bucky chuckles.

"Darlings- can we get ready for this mission? You can touch me all you want when we return." You say squirming out of Loki's grasp.

"We have an hour." Loki smirks.

"Go- to your rooms and get ready." You shoo them towards the door.

"Boring." Loki huffs.

"I'm asking you to behave for a few hours. We finish this mission and you can do whatever you want." You say giving Loki a quick kiss.

"The brat is telling us to behave. Isn't that amusing Bucky?" Loki chuckles.

"The brat just wants to get ready for our mission." You say giving Bucky a kiss before pushing them far enough out to shut the door. You pull on your boots and slide your sheathed knife into it. You don't need knives obviously but you try not to rely on magic as your only option when it comes to fighting should that be necessary. You expect this mission to be straightforward so you don't spend a lot of time preparing. You tug on your gloves and leave your room with fifteen minutes to spare. Loki meets you before you're even all the way down the hall and you two find Bucky in the kitchen drinking what you assume is a protein shake.

"Ready to go?" Loki asks him.

"Yeah- made a smoothie." Bucky says holding the glass out to Loki.

"What kind?" Loki takes the cup and drinks from it.

"Uh there's blueberries, strawberries, some banana, I just threw some of the fruits they had in the kitchen." Bucky shrugs.

"It's good. Try it." Loki says holding it to you with his arm around your waist. Loki holds the glass up to your lips and you take a sip.

"Are yall just planning to finish my smoothie?" Bucky scoffs.

"You can have it back baby." You laugh holding it out to him. "Loki's right, it's good."

"Next time I'll make enough for everyone." Bucky quickly throws back the rest of it and puts the cup in the sink.

"You guys planning on canoodling all day or are you ready to actually do something?" Tony calls as he walks through the kitchen to the elevator.

"We've all been ready Stark. You're the last one to come out here remember?" You retort stepping into the elevator in front of him. Bucky and Loki make sure to follow in behind you, leaving Tony to enter last with an eye roll.

"Let's just get this over with." He mutters, pressing the button to take you to the roof where your quinjet is waiting.

The base you're going to is somewhere up north, an abandoned area beyond the Canadian border. It takes you about 3 hours to get there.

"So do we have a plan going into this?" Bucky asks about 10 minutes before you land.

"We take it in pairs." You suggest.

"Take it in pairs?" Tony frowns.

"Yeah- we can split up. It's more efficient that way. Loki and Bucky and then me with Tony." You shrug.

"You with me!?" Tony looks at you incredulously.

"Yes. You like to start shit and believe it or not I'm the least reactive. Which means nothing you say will derail my efficiency." You say. You hear Bucky snort next to you.

"Fine." Tony huffs.

"Glad we see eye to eye." You smile tightly.

"We don't." Tony says.

"Well you agreed to my plan so I don't really care how you see it." You say. At this point you've landed and Tony opens the entrance.

"Let's just get this over with." He grumbles walking off the jet.

"What a brat." You mutter.

"You sure you still want to work with him?" Bucky asks with a chuckle as he exits the jet.

"I'm positive. We'll go up, you go down?" You look at Bucky.

"Sounds good." Bucky nods.

"See you soon." You say.

"Stay safe darling." Loki says.

"Always. You too." You say.

"Keep in touch." Bucky says.

"Duh." You wink at them. You catch up to Tony and place your hand on his shoulder- doing a spell to transport you both to the roof. Tony anxiously looks himself over.

"What the fuck was that?!" He asks frantically.

"Relax. I just did a teleportation spell." You roll your eyes.

"Why?!"

"We're starting at the top and they're starting in the basement. We meet in the middle, it's more efficient that way."

"I could've flown up here!"

"Your rockets aren't exactly the most discrete method of transportation. Besides this is quicker." You shrug.

"Well you could have told me that before you did it." Tony huffs.

"Maybe I would have if you hadn't stormed off like a petulant teenager. Nothing's on the roof, let's go inside." You say walking over to the roof access door.

"I am not a petulant child!" Tony protests as he follows you into the building.

"I said petulant teenager not child and keep your fucking voice down. If someone's here you wanna give them any more of a heads up?" You roll your eyes. You place your hand against the nearest door.

"What are you doing?" Tony asks.

"Checking for any obvious cautions. Start working on that side of the hall." You point to the door behind Tony.

"If you find anything important grab it. Files or experiments and such." Tony says.

"Yeah okay. I'll just- stick them in a pocket dimension." You mutter opening the first room and scanning it. You do the same with the next three doors on your side. Nothing is in any of them and when you turn to Tony he's got some folders in hand. You wave your hand and the folders disappear from his hand.

"What did you do?" Tony frowns.

"They're safe. I just figured if we run into anyone you don't want papers getting in the way." You tell him.

"Oh- okay. Yeah that- makes sense." He says. You check the last few rooms in the hall.

"Basement's cleared." Bucky's voice rings in your ear.

"Top floor's clear too. Guys Stark says that if you see anything, files, experiments, etc to collect them as you go. I've been storing ours in a pocket dimension Be careful not to touch anything if you don't have to." You say.

"I take it that means collection is my job?" Loki sighs.

"Yes please my love." You respond.

"Of course. I'll handle it darling." He says.

"Thank you baby." You hum. Tony makes a retching sound beside you.

"Stop being all lovey-dovey via coms." Tony grumbles.

"You'll live." You roll your eyes.

"Wonder how many floors this place has." Tony says as you open the door to the stairwell.

"Seven above ground and the basement. Eight in all." You say.

"How do you know that?" He looks at you. You point at the giant seven behind him.

"Basements aren't usually labeled as floor 1, they get 0 or basement or something so I took an educated guess." You shrug exiting the stairwell onto the sixth floor. You and Tony make quick work of the sixth floor using the same tactic you used on the seventh floor. Every once in a while Tony will wave a folder that you make disappear and when you find folders you put them with the others.

"That thing you're doing with the documents is kinda cool. How does it work?" He asks.

"How does my magic work?" You blink at him.

"Okay- that's probably a kind of stupid question."

"Since it's not like I can show you how it works yes- that was stupid."

"Are you sure you can't show me? Because Strange does magic."

"Ah yes- the sorcerer and his magic portal rings."

"You know him?"

"Only by name." You shrug.

"First floor cleared." You hear Loki's voice.

"Sixth floor clear." You reply back. You and Tony take the flight down to the fifth floor ready to repeat the process. Before you've finished Bucky's in your ear again.

"Second floor clear." He says. When you don't reply with your floor Loki speaks.

"Are you not done on the fifth floor? Tch- is Stark slowing you down darling?" Loki asks.

"Now Loki- don't be rude I think he's sensitive about that sort of thing." You joke back.

"I am not slowing anyone down. Okay?!" Tony huffs.

"Oh look what you've done Loki." You tut.

"You know what I'm going to go down and handle the fourth floor by myself then we'll see who's slowing who down." Tony huffs.

"Wait Tony I think something's down there you do not want to go down alone." You warn.

"Actually I do." Tony walks off into the staircase.

"Are you fucking ki- gah! Loki come here." You use the special spell you and Loki created to bring him to you.

"You could've just used coms to tell me to come up here." Loki says.

"I know. This is quicker. I need you to finish this floor and then go back to Bucky. Something's downstairs and Stark might just get himself killed on his own." You explain hurriedly. Loki grabs your arm before you can get too far.

"Are you sure you don't want help?" He asks.

"I've got it Loki finish the sweep then both of you meet us." You tell him.

"Be careful." Loki's brow is furrowed a bit.

"Always." You wink before taking off down the stairs. You note that this floor is set up quite differently than the other three you've seen so far. It looks like a cafeteria or something, but you don't have much time to dwell on it as you catch a flash of red hitting the wall near you. You look in the direction he came from to see 2 very large men charge at Tony who's getting himself together off the wall.

"Stark watch out!" You call and he has just enough time to avoid them by flying above them.

"What are you doing here?! I told you I would handle this floor mysel-" Tony's sentence is cut off when he abruptly falls out of the air. You notice one of the two men is holding an odd device pointed towards Tony.

"Really? This is what you call handling it?" You scoff.

"They did something to my suit! I had it under control." Tony huffs. You roll your eyes and put yourself between Tony and one of the men.

"Alright- truthfully I don't like this man, and him not listening to me is how he got into this shit in the first place so I should let you do whatever the hell you want- maybe he'd learn his lesson. But here's the thing, I don't play on losing teams- and unfortunately for you- but lucky him- he's on my team. So I can't just let you beat his ass, you'll have to go through me first." You say.

"I'm not fighting a girl." He grumbles in a thick accent.

"This girl could turn your insides into outsides with the wave of a hand but I actually like fighting so- I'm giving you the chance to fight me instead of me just turning you into a bug." You shrug.

"You're not serious." He frowns. You roll your eyes and magically lift the man up into the air. His arms and legs flail as he gets further from the ground. "Hey- woah put me down!" He protests.

"Are you ready to fight a girl? Or are you too scared to risk being beat by one?" You ask him. Before he can respond you're suddenly rammed into from the left by the other guy. Admittedly you'd forgotten about him and now he's slammed you into a wall making you drop the first guy. The second guy has his hands around your throat as he holds you against the concrete. You claw at his hands for a moment before you manage to stabilize yourself enough to kick him in the chest. It's just strong enough to loosen his grip on your neck and you land a punch to his nose that makes him stumble back. You use magic to push him further away from you as you hunch over to catch your breath.

"Bitch move. I was distracted." You cough out as you elbow guy one in the face as he sneaks up behind you. "You better hope that doesn't fucking bruise." You point an accusatory finger at guy two. Guy one traps your arms at your side and guy two charges you. You kick your feet up and land a heel in guy two's neck.

"Stark it would be nice if you could help me!" You grunt as you free yourself from guy one.

"They disabled my suit- it's a bit hard to move at the moment." Tony yells from inside his suit.

"Are you kidding me?! Your stupid suit doesn't have some other power source?!" You grumble as you flip guy one.

"It's not the power source that's the problem." Tony yells. You roll your eyes as you take guy one by magic and slowly squeezing around his throat.

"Yo!" Guy two yells to get your attention. You roll your eyes and turn to look at him. He's managed to tear open the faceplate on Tony's suit and he's holding a knife to him.

"Gimme a break." You huff.

"Decide what is more important. You winning or his life." Guy two says.

"How primitive." You mutter.

"Y/n!" Tony says in warning.

"Choose girl." Guy two says. You open your palm and force guy two to remain frozen.

"Lucky for him, I don't have to choose." You say launching guy one at guy two with enough force to make them both hit the wall. You walk over to them and place handcuffs on them both before floating them a few feet off the ground.

"We've cleared floors five and three." You hear Loki's voice in your ear.

"Y/n give us a status update." Bucky says.

"I'm fine. We ran into some unpleasants but it's fine." You say.

"Do you need help?" Bucky asks.

"I handled it but Stark might need some help hobbling back to the jet if you wanna meet us up here." You say. When Loki and Bucky make it up they're immediately doting on you.

"Are you alright darling?" Loki asks.

"What the hell happened??" Bucky frowns.

"Why are those men in the air?" Loki looks up.

"Well I handcuffed them but nothing is stopping them from walking off so- I put them up there." You shrug.

"If it works it works." Bucky says.

"Can you guys grab Stark so we can leave?" You ask.

"Sure." Bucky hoists Tony off the ground and leans him against him.

"They disabled my fucking suit." Tony grumbles.

"Oh for fucks sake." You hold your hand out.

"Hey hey hey what the hell are you doing this is a billion-dollar suit!" Tony protests.

"Shut up." You mutter. A few moments later the suit seems to power on.

"Holy shit- did you fix it?" Tony frowns. You roll your eyes and use magic to leave the building with your two prisoners. Loki and Bucky follow shortly after with Tony.

"You know I had it-"

"I don't want to hear not a single word from you Stark. From here to the tower be quiet or I will make you quiet."  You cut him off with an icy glare.

"If you think you're in charge-" Tony's sentence stops with the snap of your fingers. Not because he stopped talking but because you did a spell to literally mute his voice that makes Loki double over laughing as you pile into the quinjet.

"Have you always been able to do that?" Bucky asks.

"Not always but since you've known me, yes." You mutter.

"Shit would've been so useful to know." Bucky muses as you set the course to head back to the tower free of Stark's commentary- though not by his choice.

When you arrive at the tower you're quick to send the prisoners to where they'll be kept and make your way to the meeting room where Steve is undoubtedly waiting to debrief.

"You know how you wanted to prove we could work on a team? Turns out the problem isn't fucking us." You say.

"Woah- what happened?" Steve frowns.

"Tony nearly got himself killed because he doesn't know how to fucking listen."

"It wasn't my fault." Tony groans.

"No? It wasn't your fault that you completed disregarded me when I told you not to go down alone when I sensed something was down there because you were too busy getting into a dick swinging contest with my boyfriend?"

"If he hadn't said anything in the first place this wouldn't have happened."

"If you thought with anything other than your ego for thirty seconds this wouldn't have happened. If you had just fucking listened to the person you were supposed to be on a team with this wouldn't have happened."

"Loki started it."

"You are such a child!"

"So your  boyfriend gets to mock me and I get berated for it."

"Only one of you jeopardized this mission so yes."

"Bucky, Loki, either one of you wanna tell me what's going on here?" Steve sighs and turns towards them who have just been watching the chaos from the door.

"We actually don't know." Loki says.

"She put a silence spell on Tony the whole way back. He was basically on mute and she was angry so we didn't ask her about what went down." Bucky says.

"All we know is they had a scuffle with some Hydra people who we brought back by the way- they're locked up downstairs I believe." Loki explains.

"You believe?" Steve frowns.

"Y/n used magic to get rid of them once we landed." Bucky says.

"Right okay- so this scuffle, how were you not involved? Did you split up?" Steve asks.

"We were in pairs- they started at the top and we started in the basement." Bucky says.

"Right okay so now I'm gonna need you to stop arguing long enough to explain what happened y/n." Steve says to you.

"Hello there were two of us why are you only asking her?!" Tony huffs.

"Because it sounds like the problem was you but you'll have your time to speak after her. Ladies first as they say. Be a gentleman for once in your life." Steve rolls his eyes.

"Fine. Whatever."

"Y/n." Steve prompts.

"Like they said we were in pairs. Stark and I started at the top and them in the basement. Whenever we finished clearing a floor we'd let them know and they'd do the same. We were working at roughly the same pace but Bucky and Loki at some point finished one floor before we did so Loki made a joke about Stark slowing me down. I told him not to say things like that because Stark's a bit sensitive and to prove my point Stark went all 'I'll prove I'm more efficient than all of you by doing the next floor on my own. You'll see- you'll all see' and I warned him. I told him there was something on the next floor and it wasn't safe for him to go alone but his big ass ego refused to listen to me. He went down by himself and got his shit rocked. They even disabled his suit. So I ended up having to fight them alone because I told Loki and Bucky to finish the sweep." You explain.

"Tony- if she said there was something down there what on earth would possess you to do the opposite?" Steve sighs.

"Well it's not like she'd proven trustworthy." Tony huffs.

"So what? You think she warned you about danger because she was playing a prank on you? Does that make any sense to you?!"

"When you put it like that-"

"It doesn't matter how you put it you prick what you did was dangerous and stupid and completely avoidable but you don't fucking listen." You glare at Tony. Loki grabs your shoulders and turns you to face him.

"Okay. You obviously have every reason to be pissed with him but we were successful. Even with his complete idiocy we all made it out darling." Loki says softly. You take a deep breath.

"Loki's right doll- as much as Tony deserves you don't have to lay into him that hard. I'm sure you had fun kicking their asses anyway." Bucky chuckles.

"Rogers. I don't about the rest of y'all but I can't work with someone who will deliberately disregard warnings and put whole teams at risk over his own ego. If Stark doesn't learn to listen I won't go on any other missions with him. He's too much of a risk." You say.

"Hey! I wasn't the one being tested here." Tony says.

"Yeah well maybe you should've been!" You snap back.

"She's got a point Tony. You were meant to be working as a team. You treated them as adversaries not teammates. Even so, they made sure the mission was a success. Y/n even saved your life it sounds like. You owe her an apology and a thank you." Steve says.

"Fine. Y/n- sorry for not listening and thanks for saving my ass." Tony grumbles out his apology.

"You guys did more than what was expected of you honestly so- I hope you know you're officially on the team and cleared for mission assignments." Steve says. You send Tony one last glare before leaving the room.

"We should- probably follow her." Loki looks at Bucky.

"Yeah. Thanks for the- status update pal. We're gonna go take care of our angry girl." Bucky says grabbing Loki and pulling him out after you.

When the pair get to your room you're pulling on a t-shirt that certainly belongs to one of them. Loki walks up to you first and plants a kiss on your shoulder as he wraps his arms around you.

"Regretting joining the do-gooders just yet?" Loki asks.

"No- but I do want to punch Stark in the face." You say leaning against him.

"Well from what I understand most of the others want to do that too so- sounds like you're right on track." Bucky says kissing your cheek.

"He has a funny way of keeping that reputation for himself." You mutter.

"Well- into the fire." Loki chuckles.

"We're Avengers now." You snort.

"We're Avengers." Bucky hums.

"How fucking weird is that." Loki muses. And you're sure it'll only get weirder from here on out, but as long as you have Loki and Bucky with you, you know it'll be fine.

***

[allwaswell16]

These are all the One Direction fics I read and enjoyed in March 2022. You can listen to my podcast to hear me talk about each of these fics as well as an overview of what was posted on ao3 in March including the fics on this month’s fic roundup which you can find here! Please let the writers know if you liked the fics by leaving kudos and comments! Happy reading!

Fanfictional Podcast #36 | ko-fi | fic recs

-Larry-

🌿 For the Right Reasons by @juliusschmidt

(E, 105k, Bachelor au, friends to lovers, reality tv, mutual pining, slow burn, fake/pretend relationship, jealousy, travel, angst with a happy ending, smut, this fic murdered me)

Louis may have signed up to be a contestant on the Bachelor, but he’s not interested a ring or a proposal, not from Harry, not from anyone.

🌿 i'm a captain on a jealous sea by @thedevilinmybrain

(E, 15k, canon, jealousy, fighting, angst, hurt/comfort, love declarations, exhibitionism, honestly I wanted to punch Nick in the face so who could blame Louis?)

What Louis actually has a problem with is the way Nick Grimshaw looks at Harry.

🌿 Mr. Tuesday by @jaerie

(E, 7k, sex worker Harry, client Louis, religion, closeted Louis, sexual inexperience, off screen Louis/OFC in a forced marriage, softest most heartbreaking sex work fic you'll ever read, comment on it and maybe we'll get more of this fic!)

Tuesday. Harry loved Mr. Tuesday.

🌿 More Than a Mic Drop by @haztobegood

(E, 5k, canon divergence, famous/not famous fic, canon Louis, sound engineer Harry, tour, bdsm, dom/sub, dom Harry, sub Louis, smut, um wow this was hot)

Harry levels him a serious look and suddenly the room feels too hot. “You could have broken the mic and we don’t have a lot of spares.”

🌿 Call Me Yours by @maggieisalarrie

(T, 5k, high school au, recreational drug use, hurt/comfort, breakup, getting back together, smut, oof poor Harry, this hurt just right)

A story about love and lust with some miscommunication and, of course, a happy ending.

🌿 Naturally by @neondiamond

(E, 5k, teachers au, PE teacher Louis, music teacher Harry, camping trip, bed sharing, meddling students, pining, smut, loved the meddling students!)

When PE teacher Louis first gets assigned to be a chaperone on a weekend long camping trip with a bunch of high school seniors, he’s not too excited about it.

🌿 I Feel Safe With You by dimpled_halo / @comebackassholes

(E, 3k, part 3 in series, dom Louis, sub Harry, Harry as Marcel, sex work, kink exploration, kink negotiation, smut, pretty sure Marcel has a Louis kink which is pretty relatable)

The last two scenes have been everything Marcel could ever ask for so he can only imagine what Louis will come up with today.

🌿 Vesper by YesIsAWorld / @louandhazaf

(NR, 3k, girl direction, friends to lovers, bisexual Louis, separated Louis, vibrator, omg I mean I think Louis did this all on purpose, please read it and let me know what you think)

“No.” Louis shook her head, lips tucked into her teeth. “Not like a…” she waved her hands around, “woowoo vibe. Like, a, you know, a vibrator.”

🌿 In the Cards by @homosociallyyours

(NR, 3k, tarot reading, bluffing, fluff, humor, this was so cute and funny!)

When Zayn has an emergency & needs to leave the metaphysical store he works at, a very clueless Louis must give a not-so-clueless Harry a tarot reading.

🌿 two bananas for a pound (three bananas for a euro) by docklands / @hershelsue

(G, 1k, established relationship, mpreg Harry, cravings, fluff, banter, humor, this ficlet made me smile)

Harry loves bananas. Except now, with the pregnancy, everything with them makes him sick. Louis fixes it.

🌿 Pink and Pretty by sunandthemoon

(G, 1k, high school au, secret admirer, Valentine's Day, pining, shy Harry, side Ziall, fluff, this was so cute!)

Louis, in the spirit of the holiday I’ve finally decided to gather my guts and tell you how I feel.

🌿 stay hydrated! by absolutehly / @thestylinsons

(NR, 637 words, canon, kissing, watersports, concert, getting romantic over a piss bucket yes pls lol)

Where Louis drinks too much water during a show and is grateful he has a break during Fearless.

-Rare Pairs-

🌿 like air to me by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright

(M, 5k, Zayn/Louis, exes to lovers, heartbreak, five times fic, angst with a happy ending, flashbacks, implied smut, wow this was gorgeous writing and hurt so good)

Five times Louis’ smoke break brings back memories of Zayn and one time it brings him back to Zayn’s doorstep.

🌿 Keep Up by mynameispiaivy / @missrefridgefreetorator

(G, 4k, Louis/Michael Blackwell, canon, Michael pov, pining, banter, birthday, fluff, mentions of depression, wip, I'm so excited for this and I already love it!)

29. he’s going to be 29 in a couple of days. Jesus.

🌿 Kiss & Run by @fallinglikethis

(E, 4k, Zayn/Louis, fwb, childhood best friends, pining, angst with a happy ending, smut, oh god the pining I loved it so much)

When Louis and Zayn were kids, they started an innocent game of tag called Kiss and Run.