#i think spinel probably knows she is better with people than him and spinel would rather stay alone than go there w

[amelikos]

Not sure Spinel had Agate tell the whole story to Sango and Onyx to get them to help him out. Spinel often withdraws information.

Sango didn't seem too pleased about helping him out either (I wonder why?), while Onyx thought it wasn't a bad idea to make his comrades owe him a favor. Which is kind of cute and highlights both his naive and honorable sides, because I doubt Spinel would really care about owing him a favor. It makes me wonder if Onyx considers Amethio a comrade on some level (on the sole basis of being part of the same organization) or if he would agree to handling him the way Spinel does. Onyx couldn't bring himself to sacrifice his tag partner's Pokemon back in HZ055 and that was only a friendly battle. He said he couldn't sacrifice his backup to ensure his own survival and that he didn't find any meaning in a disgraceful victory. I feel like from his point of view, what Spinel is doing currently could be considered disgraceful, maybe?

This whole thing makes me think about how Sango and Onyx are actually often okay with teamwork, actually. They can be troublemakers, but they always come along when they are asked to. They followed Hamber in the castle back in HZ024. During the Explorers meeting back in HZ027, Sango was the first one to suggest teaming up since she asked if they were all going to chase Rayquaza together. She probably thought it would be more efficient that way? Even in HZ044, Sango was the first one to ask about Amethio and wondered where he was and if he was late. She genuinely didn't seem to know he wasn't coming with them and actually expected him to show up until Agate told her that Spinel decided they would be the only ones to handle Rayquaza. That means she isn't trusted with information. In a way, I can see why they kept it from her since she did end up telling Liko and Roy about their plan in HZ043 so if she was told Amethio wasn't coming, she would have probably let him know somehow that he wasn't invited to the party.

Either way, it still shows that she wasn't considered as someone worth sharing information with, even though she is asked to come along and help. So I wonder if she was told the whole picture in this situation too. In general, think Sango doesn't seem to understand all the complicated stuff on the research side of things with Spinel and Agate. She was skeptical about Rayquaza showing up in the island back in HZ043 and complained that there was nothing going on there. She didn't really seem to understand what Agate was doing with the resonance generator in HZ044 and wondered if it would really make Rayquaza turn up. She was just happy to show up to battle. Even now, she seems mostly excited about getting to "play" with Roy and Dot.

[matt-the-radar-techncian]

This might be a dumb thing to ask but did the movie actually ignored Spinel's toxicity as a friend at the end of the movie? I keep thinking about if the writing and certain character moments made things very confusing, especially when it comes to what it was trying to say about PD/Rose as a person

The Movie is saying that different people have different needs when it comes to relationships. At the end of the movie Spinel has matured a little bit but she’s probably still not a good fit to live on Earth, especially after everything she just did to Steven and everyone else. But this doesn’t change the fact that her abandonment causes her to need a companion who won’t leave her again

And then in come the Diamonds who actually are in somewhat of a similar situation. At the beginning of the movie they wanted Steven to live with them, and it’s not hard to see why. They’ve been coping with Pink being gone and now they have another chance to care for someone close to them. They try to convince Steven saying they’ve changed their ways, and as we see in Future they really have; they probably would’ve treated him better than they treated his mother, or at least genuinely tried to. Despite all this, Steven would obviously rather just live at home with his friends and family, and so the Diamonds get rejected

Now when they meet Spinel they have someone to care for like they didn’t for Pink, and Spinel has someone who truly values her companionship like Pink couldn’t for her. They don’t have any past conflicts or baggage with each other, and later on we see that they’re getting along quite well. I think the moral here is that you can change your behavior but people still don’t have to want to hang out with you

Plus it’s just a great bit of narrative bookending for the Movie. Both Spinel and the Diamonds are reformed villains who want to fill the hole left by Pink Diamond’s (notably not Rose’s) absence who really would not get along well living with Steven and the Crystal Gems. They won’t ever have Pink back but they’ll have each other. And it is very sweet to see them get some real love after all the conflict of the end of the show and the Movie

On to your main question, what this says about Pink Diamond, I think it just serves to reinforce her desire to be more mature at this point in her life. This is already after her outburst that injured Pink Pearl, so she probably somewhat resented being put in a glorified playpen instead of being given her own colony. This isn’t to say she totally hated Spinel, Pink is still a lighthearted and fun-loving gem, so she definitely did enjoy Spinel’s company while in the Garden

But when she’s given her own colony she finally has the recognition she wants from the other Diamonds. Pink probably didn’t necessarily want to just abandon Spinel, she just wanted to follow her own path more. She probably assumed that eventually Spinel would get the message and find someone else to play with, but Spinel just never did

Now that I think of it, it seems to be a running theme with Pink Diamond, of not thinking that anyone will care if she disappears. This happens with Spinel, it happens with the Diamonds, and it happens with the other Crystal Gems and Greg. She doesn’t think, or know, about how her absence will affect others. This could be out of selfishness or out of low self-esteem, probably both

I’ve seen a ton of comments regarding the Movie that go like “man fuck Pink Diamond, what she did to Spinel is just heartless” and yeah that is an understandable reaction, but it still informs her character in a realistic way. There is a more sympathetic angle for Pink and it’s definitely not just the show assassinating her character to create more conflict

[anti-anti-stevinel]

I don't know if you're still active here, but I need to... say this. Hopefully you are okay with this really long text...

-> There's still so many people who say Stevinel is pedophilia. I. just. don't. get. what's. in. these. people's. minds!

I mean, look at a literal rock that uses light to form a body that was supposed to be, literally again, childish (that is, a kid, unlike any gem ever created before Spinel) for Pink Diamond (because she was childish too) but ended up being left behind, abandoned in a garden of all places. No changing EVER. Spinel symbolises, not only abandonment, but being STUCK IN THE Past. Stuck As The Past. In Time Lock. The only moment she actually DID CHANGED was when she discovered the real truth. Then, she went from childish, lovable, trusting, to angst teenager (even antis can admit that, surely?) with depression and trust issues. I'm quite sure she has PTSD too (believe me, I'd know...)

Remind you of someone? That's right. Steven.

Steven started childish, lovable, trusting... A child. And then he ended up being more angst and a Teen with depression and PTSD. And probably with some trust issues (at least not as trusting as before)

What I see here is both of them first as children that had to grow up (tho in different ways; and one as a half human and the other as a full gem - emotionally and psychologically, as gem physically don't age) to a teenager (not yet adult) (tho All the characters can grow. They aren't to stay forever the same, if some fans don't want to, or stay the same if other fans want too, but without the need to attack each other because someone disagrees. Agree to disagree exist, you know? And no, it doesn't mean you can comment hurtful words) with one too many traumas

...because what else is there that we don't know about Pink D and Spinel?

- If these two weren't created to be two sides of the same coin, then I really don't know what else to say 🤷🏼‍♀️ -

And some of us were kids who grew up with the show, and so with Steven and the rest of the characters.

-> Then there's the: but is toxic; or, it's incest.

Spinel was toxic during her moment of weakness, in a lot of pain, anger and self hate. She was hurt and wanted to hurt back (being abandoned hurts more than what people think, unfortunately, and will always be there, present. In doesn't ever go away, even if you forget about it or force yourself to forget it... You can only learn to live with it, like with any other trauma). That happened to many people in real life, but that doesn't make all of them permanently toxic people

Actually, if that was the case more than half of the whole Earth's population would be toxic and alone, or hurting someone all the time (that isn't part of simple selfishness, money, war, religion, race and/or politics related), but it's not like that. Most of them are victims/survivors. Most importantly, I have the feeling that we all need to search the whole meaning with a lot of examples of what being Toxic means and how it works (I think it's obvious who is actually hurting who in the fandom...)

There's also the fact that other characters had been toxic at some point (if we really have to use what some people might believe toxic means: to hurt someone, attack or trying to kill)

Pearl did, multiple times, try to kill Steven. Some accidentally, once because of misunderstandings and hurt when he was a baby, indefensive

Amethyst probably too, tho accidentally, not even knowing that if it wasn't because of Steven's half gem part, he would actually be dead already

Lapis did also try to kill Steven at some point and changed, and had a toxic relationship with Jasper (but not necessarily with the rest of the gems. Toxic is both ways, people, so it's not solely Jasper)

Peridot too. She also changed and became better (tho I believe she was never considered as a toxic character?)

Even Greg and Connie hurt Steven, lied and used him at some point (they did, don't lie to yourself, everyone) And Lars too... He even humiliated him.

About Incest. How? How, exactly, could there be any incest when it wasn't ever stated that they were familiy? Nor are gems related to each other. Lapis Lazulis aren't related to Aquamarines. Pearl aren't related to the Diamonds. And Amethyst aren't related to Jaspers, Agathes, etcetera

The only reason we view some as siblings, or anything family related (that isn't just friendship or Steven-Pink D/Rose Q) it's 1- crewuniverse said that or, 2- the gems itself stated it as such

In that drawing so many talked about of the Crystal Gems, Steven and Spinel there with the word Family above them, guess what: it meant Spinel wasn't part of the family bc of the way she was separated in all the ways it could be shown in said drawing. There's a difference between her and the crystal gems + Steven. It is easy to see, very obvious

But even if that wasn't right, and they were considered family, well... guess what again: couples can be family too! Even friends can be part of a family! It's more about the feeling and the connection one feels, and not that much about blood (which, I'd know too) (tho I know that a romantic relationship with a biological familiar isn't exactly approved by many, and it can be considered immoral... gems aren't exactly created by blood, are they?)

And that's my point. Gems don't have family per se. I think Rebecca (or someone else from the crewuniverse?) stated the same, and that the only reason the Crystal Gems were considered Steven's family now is because they ADOPTED him. They considered themselves as his family

Rose was literal family to Steven, but the rest of them was only part of the family even before Steven because they themselves were closed to each other

Rose and Pearl had a romantic relationship before Greg (and other humans) (and maybe a bit during Greg time too?)

Amethyst saw Rose as a maternal figure because of the way she was created and the way both interacted, probably

And Garnet? She was a new fusion. New to life on Earth. To me she always seemed to be more of a friend, or a cousin of sorts if some want to put her as part of the family (tho I already said that friends can be considered part of the family too, sometimes)

📢 So, again. Where's the pedophilia? Where's the toxicity? (apart from some parts of the fandom) Where's the incest?

-> This isn't about: age means nothing, or they have a childish mentality and so they are a kid. No. This is about Gems being Aliens, ageless, sexless and genderless (unless they decide the pronouns they want for themselves)

-> They don't age. Again. They don't grow up unless it's related to experiences and emotions, and that only means they develop, they still don't grow up in a Human sense

They are Not Humans, so stop comparing them

Well... That's all I wanted to let out. I apologise for... All of this 😅☝🏻

Gah, don't know when this was sent, but yeah, totally agree.

[ladylore97]

How Do You Think Pink Would Feel About Steven And Spinel?

Hooo boy I have wondered this as well.

I think Rose/Pink loves the principle that people can reinvent themselves. She fought her own family and legacy to defend the growth she wanted for herself and others. She sees beauty in people’s ability to be something be different than the person they were born/created to be, because that’s all she ever wanted for herself, living with the diamonds. All that being said, I think she would initially feel ashamed to know she had forgotten Spinel and inadvertently robbed her of the opportunities other gems got to make a new life for themselves on Earth. She might wonder if Spinel ever would have even wanted to divert from her original purpose if Pink had been with her. But I don’t doubt that Pink would have been happy for the family Spinel was able to find and the new friends she’s able to make now that she, too, has the freedom to reinvent herself. And I think if Spinel and Steven made each other happy, there’s nothing more a mother and a friend would want.

Steven, similarly, had his own journey to teach him to value the power of change. I think Rose would have been proud as a mother to get to relate to Steven in that way, and happy that Steven got something more of her than just her gem and powers. Steven, like her, sees the beauty in humanity and in untapped potential. I think she would be initially surprised to learn that her son found love with a gem - a being who was never meant to change and yet probably changed the most out of all Pink’s friends (except Pearl, probably). I think she would have been proud of her son for ultimately seeing the beauty and capability of ALL beings to make changes for the better - not just humans. Steven choosing a gem as his mate would be meaningful to Pink - he did what she couldn’t and gave the power to change to gemkind as well as humankind, and he loves a gem because of those efforts. She would be truly happy for them both and excited for them to continue to grow and evolve with each other

[k7l4d4]

A Steven Universe AU

Hello all! Today, I am going to document an AU I had for Steven Universe! I would like to personally thank my friend Flamestar50 for the help I received to build this AU. I am going to mark down the information for the AU I had discussed with Flame when discussing this AU, so here I go! To note, the information will be about the questions Flame asked me, and my responses.

Okay, I talked to Flame and they are okay with this. Enjoy fully.

ALRIGHT!! Basically, assuming you know who Doctor Priyanka is hopefully, before Canon starts, Greg accidentally says something to Rose while they are talking after she got back from a particularly stressful mission, and it causes all the repressed pain and guilt, along with a not so healthy dollop of self-loathing, to come surging to the forefront. 

To better process her feelings, Rose heads to the Beach and, well, ends up lamenting to herself, attracting the attention of a visiting Priyanka Maheswaran (Hope I spelled that right), who decided to approach the giant gem and get her to talk about her feelings.

Flame: huh, how does that go

Me: Well, because Rose has a LONG history of not thinking things all the way through and often not being able to see the full picture accurately, she ultimately decides to just spill it all. To vent every little thing about herself, all her actions, all her choices, all her mistakes, to a total stranger, because she genuinely cannot TAKE IT anymore! 

Surprisingly, or probably not, Priyanka is moved, and understandably worried, by Rose's pain, and makes a point of comforting her, with Rose herself having shapeshifted back into her Diamond Form for the first time in CENTURIES. 

Priyanka is genuinely in awe of all that Rose has done, and all that she has been through, and decides it is her duty as a medical professional, albeit not one licensed in psychology, to take on Rose as her patient, as the Gem is clearly not in a healthy or safe emotional state. Oh, and the other Gems and Greg all ended basically overhearing the whole thing while the two are none the wiser.

Flame: oh no, how did they react

Me: Well, shock for the most part. Amethyst and Garnet are, understandably, angry at being lied to, yet they can't bring themselves to be angry because, unless you've got a serious callousness to you, it is hard to be angry at someone who so clearly loathes themselves so completely and utterly. 

Pearl is mostly shocked, and a touch despondent, that Rose had withheld all this hurt and inner turmoil from her. Greg? He doesn't know how to process what is going on, but what he does understand is that Rose, the person he loves more than anything else in the world, the one who finally made him see his own value and worth and could never even try to judge him, is hurting, and in need of comfort. They basically decide to shift the discussion back to the Temple for the rest of the initial event.

Flame: How will this effect Steven in the future?

Me: Well, I haven't finished describing the set up just yet, but it will have its effects on his future (HA! Snuck in the reference!). After moving back to the Temple, Priyanka in tow, the Gems (and Greg) basically hash out everything they can. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl are all understandably distressed and hurt by the secrets Rose has been carrying, but the sheer pain and hurt she clearly feels about herself convince them to work through it together. 

For Amethyst, it partially convinces her to stop bottling up her insecurities, not after seeing what a wreck it made of Rose. Garnet knows she will have to fully confront her feelings on the subject later, but decides to be there for the others now. Pearl just wants to finally help Rose the way she feels Rose helped her. And Rose? She just feels such intense, unconditional joy and love at the fact that they don't see her as a monster, that they still love her, flaws and all, that she doesn't have to run away anymore. 

The revelation of her feelings acts as a catalyst that causes her to involuntarily shapeshift into a new default state that merges her Diamond and Quartz forms, a symbol of her finally accepting herself completely, taking the name Rose Diamond; she isn't going to pretend she is something she's not anymore, she's going to show the whole world the entirety of who she is, flaws and all, so she can finally start to grow. 

And then they realize that they never got Priyanka's name, and everyone starts cracking up at the sheer absurdity of it all, Rose included! I got more, but that is the initial intro to the AU.

Flame: what else ya got

Me: Well, because of her sense of obligation, and the fact that she honestly enjoys Rose's company, Priyanka more or less becomes the Gems' therapist, and often silently screams in her own head that she isn't trained for this. One of the things Rose does once she comes clean is to try and make amends for the things that came about due to her lies; for starters, she releases Bismuth, after she tracks down Lion that is (that crazy feline does whatever it wants, I swear). 

Much like in canon, Bismuth is snapped out of her hyper-blood-rage once she is exposed to the Corrupted Gems and figures out that the Corruption partially came about due to her giving the idea of faking her shattering to Rose. Bismuth is MASSIVELY uncomfortable around Rose, and often adopts a loose, battle-ready stance whenever around her, but, partially due to working with Priyanka to help treat her PTSD, is gradually coming around. 

Bismuth more or less does her own thing, but makes an effort to be there when needed, like when the Gems find an experimental Warp Pad. The Warp Pad, according to the notes Pearl finds, is supposed to be the ultimate escape system, allowing any being to enter the warp stream and proceed to a pre-determined Warp Pad across the Galaxy, and the next time that corresponding pad is used it will automatically bring them back. 

Upon discovering that information, and seeing that the Warp Pad hasn't been set yet and still can be, Rose, without actually explaining to the others, uses the warp to rescue Spinel. I'm gonna leave it here for you to process and ask questions before I proceed.

Flame: Oh god, how is spinel gonna react to this version

Me: Well, considering she is still near-totally innocent, she basically asks if she won the game. Yeah. Rose basically cries her eyes out, and tearfully says that, yes, Spinel, you're the winner, and gets an ecstatic hug that feels just a little too tight. 

Upon noticing that Spinel is subtly shying away from the plants, and that the roots of some have actually started growing over her, Rose carefully picks a weary Spinel up, and carries her over to the warp pad back to earth. When Spinel asks where they are going, Rose simply says they are going home, getting a content smile in return. Upon returning through the experimental warp, Rose is bombarded by a storm of panicked shouting from the other gems, only for them to calm down at the ragged Spinel in Rose's arms. 

Rose attempts to brush off the danger of using an untested piece of potentially lethal tech, only for the warp to blow up behind them; none of them were hurt, it was more like a collapse, but the implication that that could've happened while she and Spinel were in the warp stream causes all the gems to shoot Rose looks that scream "We told you so." I'll let you process this while I gather my thoughts.

Flame: oh dear

Me: Yeah, Rose doesn't like to think things through when there are people who need help she can give. After carefully explaining who Spinel was and the situation surrounding her, which involves Pearl face-palming, Garnet pinching the bridge of her nose, Amethyst a little shell-shocked, and Bismuth pummeling a concrete pillar into gravel in anger, they take the sweet gem back home. 

After making sure Spinel is situated comfortably, Rose breaks the news; she never planned on coming back. As Spinel freezes up, whether from shock or hurt is up to debate, Rose explains that she had never understood Spinel, always seeing her as a silly doll that the other Diamonds gave her to be a toy who couldn't take things seriously, with each word causing Spinel to slowly shake her head, shuddering more and more, before Rose apologizes for being a bad friend. 

Before Spinel can completely LOSE IT, Rose, tears of shame, regret, and heartbreak, pulls Spinel into an impromptu hug, begging, pleading, for the chance to let Spinel be happy. After calming down enough not to lash out in out of control pain, Spinel, shaken but not broken, asks as calmly as she can to be alone for a little while. They give her her space. And another pause point!

Flame: I thought she was gonna lose it, I sure would have.

Me: She came VERY CLOSE, but Rose's presence, which she still associates with good things and happier times, manages to keep her just stable enough to go off the deep end. Spinel quickly becomes a regular patient for Priyanka, who makes a point to try and help the child-like gem to grow and develop as an individual like it's her personal missions. 

Over time, Spinel gradually manages to come to terms with her situation. Spinel developed a phobia of plants due to her time in the garden, but also enjoys gardening, seeing it as a representation of her happiest memories, as well as a way to conquer her fear by leveraging control over the plants. 

With prompting from Priyanka for the both of them, Rose and Spinel make an effort to rebuild their old relationship into something healthy for the both of them; for Rose, it is a chance to finally befriend and learn about Spinel as a Gem, and not the toy she treated her as, and for Spinel, it is a way to come to terms with her past and start making new friends in the present and future. 

The two manage to reach a mostly amicable bond, but things occasionally get tense between them; Rose's past actions left deep scars on Spinel's heart, as while she still acts like her happy-go-nuts self, albeit tempered with proper emotional reading, she now holds a deep disdain for other gems and gemkind as a whole, making an exception only for those who've also been burned by Gem Culture and her friends, often acting similar to her initial debut self when communicating with gems who don't meet this small criteria. 

Spinel genuinely loathes the fact that she is a Gem now, and finds human company effortlessly more enjoyable than any time she spends with other gems, no matter how much she views said gems as friends and family (Spinel very much enjoys the concept of family, and sees it as one of the many ways organic beings are superior to Gems in her eyes).

Flame: awww,poor spinel

Me:Yeah, she's a sad bean, but she wouldn't change herself for anything in the universe! Did I ever give the name for this AU? If not, the name is Here For You. One of the biggest divergences from canon in this AU? Rose lives after giving birth!! 

How you may ask? When you are good friends with a doctor, and you suddenly spring on them that you, a non-human, non-organic alien plans to have a half-human child and you most likely won't survive the experience, you can expect them to put their foot down and help with the situation. 

Priyanka essentially grills Rose on everything she knows about her race's biology, such as it is, her understanding of human biology, and makes her research methods to create gemstones and such; Priyanka isn't willing to have Rose relapse into her suicidal impulses again, even if it is to bring a child into this world, and is dead set on finding a way for them both to survive. 

With Priyanka's help, and some scavenged Gem Tech from the Kindergartens, Rose manages to conceive (HA!) A method to have a fully half-gem-half-human child without killing herself. It largely involves artificially mixing her own gem essence with that harvested from old injectors and eating. SO much eating. Rose essentially is ingesting and absorbing the needed materials to build a human fetus and Diamond Proto-Gem together as one, without sacrificing her own gem in the process. And it works!! Mostly.

Flame: what do you mean mostly

Me: Well, the process was completely experimental, and they had no actual clue what they were doing, just making their best guess. The process worked, but it left Rose horrifically weakened. Her Gem's internal structure was dangerously demineralized, as in it lost a lot of minerals that compose its structure, and became insanely fragile and delicate as a result. 

Giving birth essentially permanently crippled Rose; she can no longer shapeshift at all, her bubbles have a high chance of popping after forming and she can no longer teleport them, and a lot, if not all, of her powers besides her healing tears have been hamstrung to near uselessness. 

She is now both weaker, and slower than any human, and constantly falls unconscious at random to conserve her compromised energy reserves. But it was worth it to bring her twins into the world!! ...Maybe that had something to do with it...

Flame: wait, twins!?!

Me: YES!! ULTIMATE SURPRISE REVEAL!! Yeah, in canon, before they settled on whether they were having a son or a daughter, Rose left two tapes behind for whichever gender her child ended up being, Steven Or Nora. So, in this one, she ended up giving birth to Twins!! Nora and Steven Diamond Universe!! 

To clarify, Rose would've been weakened no matter what happened, but giving birth to twins nearly shattered her and permanently affected her abilities, not that she'll ever regret it, though she grows frustrated with how frailly she is treated by the others. You wanna hear about the twins next? 

Oh, and in case I forgot to mention it, the twins were only partially an accident, as Rose didn't intend to have two kids, but is fine with it, she just overdid it on the eating and stuff needed to create the children and had just enough left over to jumpstart the development of a second child. Yeah.

Flame: go on and tell me about the twins!

Me: YES!! Due to Priyanka's influence, both twins end up actually, you know, GOING TO SCHOOL. Steven is, well, basically exactly the same, and still heavily takes after both his dad and Rose's Quartz form, but being around other kids his age has improved his social skills and given him a larger group of peers and pals. 

Nora is a bit of the opposite, polite, a little standoffish, neurotic, snarky when stressed, with a vicious temper towards anyone that hurts or messes with Steven, she basically looks like a miniature, human Pink Diamond in terms of appearance. Nora has a natural knack for her gem powers, and more easily manifests those powers more closely associated with Pink Diamond as opposed to Rose, with her Gem Weapon being a MASSIVE Two-Handed (Zweihander) sword whose foremost section resembles the shield everyone thought it would originally be, whilst still possessing her family's flower motif. 

Nora is the younger of the two by about five minutes, but is much more mature as compared to Steven, not helped by him still having his aging problem while she ages more normally, and people are often shocked at both her age, as her height and attitude give her an older feel, but that she is also both Steven's TWIN and the technical younger of the two!! 

It kinda mindblows people. (I was considering shifting some of Steven's personality, but I couldn't bring myself to do it)

Flame: any last points

Me: Well, Spinel basically becomes Beach City's premiere part-time employee, as she works on and off at literally every place in town at some time or another, and she bluntly refers to Greg as "The Deadbeat." 

Spinel adores the twins, often serving as their babysitter, as well as a babysitter to most of the other kids in town, and basically acts as their bodyguard whenever she goes on missions. Oh! I also have special plans for Lapis, as well as some other Homeworld Gems, but I'll save those for tomorrow. 

Due to their parents being friends, Connie basically grew up with Steven and Nora, and is currently entering the phase of life when people start to develop more mature crushes, and has shown signs of crushing on both of them. Yikes.

[allet-art]

Forgiveness (SUF fanfic)

Word Count: ~5.4k

Summary: The weight of Steven’s ‘accident’ begins to weigh on the gems after his corruption is dealt with... and there is time to be mad and to forgive.

Characters: Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaren, Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet, Jasper

Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Individual dealing with emotional problems, Coping

Read on AO3

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pearl wraps her arms around her middle, fingers clutching into her thin frame. “I just… How? Why? I still… Can’t believe it.”

She shakes her head into the tension. Connie, Garnet and Amethyst are in the living room as well, sharing her emotions.

Steven was staying with Greg in the van while he was still cooling down from his ‘meltdown��. On the morning of the next day, the diamonds and Spinel felt safe enough to leave, and everything else settled into it’s place. 

And yet, some questions remain unanswered. 

Pearl shakes her head again. “Is it selfish of me? I mean… Rose never… Did anything like this. Not even as Pink, I spoke to Volly, even as a diamond she never… and he...” She sighs, tired, closing her eyes. “We should be there for him right now. I should be there for him, but… how?”

Garnet, still processing silently, places her hand on Pearl’s shoulder to steady her. Pearl gives her a small, but grateful smile.

Amethyst shrugs, clutching her knees to her chest with her arms wrapped around them, staring into one of the wood walls.

Connie speaks up, carefully. “I’m sure it’s… it wasn’t that bad. He said it was an accident, right?” 

Pearl nods a little, and Connie goes on. “Well, come on. This is Steven we’re talking about.” 

Connie’s gears are turning as she tries to figure something out, think of some way to fit this information into the world in a way that makes sense.

“If he jumped over a river to show off to her, and Jasper decided to one-up him by jumping off a cliff and getting herself hurt, he’d still say it was entirely his fault, you know?”

Connie’s voice tries to be perhaps a little too humorous for the situation, trying to ease the tension, but the other gems don’t seem to mind that. Pearl nods a little again, but Amethyst looks ready to growl at anyone who came close to her. Garnet remains stiff.

Pearl tries to partially unwrap herself from her own arms. “You’re… you’re right, maybe we’re all just… spinning this into something worse than it really is. He did say it was an accident.”

Her voice is only a tad calmer, but she tries desperately to sound casual. Connie tries to smile, never good at the fake smiles, and goes on.

“Yeah, yeah! It was just an accident. That’s what he said, and he’s just, blaming himself for everything again.”

Everything falls quiet again for a few moments. That sounds nice. That, however, still doesn’t quite cover all of his reactions, all of his breakdown that they saw, the crazed, darting eyes while he spat out everything he’d done. 

There was something more, and they knew. It was nice to hold on to that hope, but if Jasper really had just done something stupid, he wouldn’t have reacted that way. It wouldn’t have broken him that much.

“Or,” Connie speaks up into the quiet again, feeling doubt creeping into the air, knowing that the gems felt more like they were lying to themselves if they tried to believe just that. “Or he tried to show something to her, and… missed?” She pauses, then quickly adds, “he’s not very proficient in precise strikes. He probably didn’t want to hurt her, just, show off or something?”

Connie doesn’t quite believe herself. But the thought that Steven would shatter someone, while wanting to hurt them... it didn’t fit. That’s not the Steven they know, that’s not something he would do. They trust him more than that. He never wants to hurt anyone.

And yet, another unspoken problem was what he said about White Diamond. The way he said it. Connie still shivers thinking of it, of the motion he made with his hands to demonstrate, like he’d done it before, like he knew exactly what he was doing. Like he’d been thinking about it, in that intense, late-night overthinking way until you know every detail, until you’re just a tiny step away from executing it.

Connie feels the pressure on her shoulders. She’s supposed to look after his human side. She’s supposed to be the one who knew him the best, who knew what he needed and how to help him. Of course they still love him. Of course they’ll still take care of him.

That fact could fully co-exist with the desire to know exactly what happened, with the thought that maybe, they had a right to know. This shed a different light on him, one way or another.

---

“You…” Connie starts, voice more confused and uncertain than anything else “you killed her.” 

He cringes a little. “I didn’t mean to! I just wanted…”, he pauses, breathes out in defeat that there is no way this is going to sound any less bad than it already does, “to win.”

Deafening silence hangs between them, before Connie’s soft whisper carries into the breeze. “Why?”

“I don’t know.” He closes his eyes. No. He does know. “To prove I’m… not weak.”

He knows how that sounds, knows that he has no possible explanation that could soothen any of this. The deeper they dug, the worse it got.

“To whom?”

“I don’t know!” Frustration seeps into his voice, making him stop and breathe for a moment before continuing. “To her. But also… to me.”

“You’re not weak.” She murmurs, looking over him.

He lets out a small, dry laugh, like one would have to a sarcastic joke. 

Suddenly she sits up. “You’re not weak! You’re really, really strong. Steven, you’re literally half diamond!”

He doesn’t look over to her, just keeps staring at the sky. “Does me a lot of good, doesn’t it? I cry over dropping my lunch.”

“That’s not weakness.” She says firmly, looking down at him.

He jerks up as well now, annoyed. “It’s not? Really? Standing alone in the middle of nowhere crying over a mistake I made, that just proves how little I actually amount to on my own?”

Connie goes on in a similar tone. “Never crying isn’t strength! Strength is being patient and fair to others, and you are. You are because you know how bad it can feel to not have that!”

He shakes his head, letting a thought he usually keeps to himself spill out. “I’m just a pushover.”

“You’re not. You can fight!”

“Connie, what’s the point in being able to fight if I can’t hurt a fly!”

She goes quiet, looking out to the ocean. “But you can.” She ignores the twinge of guilt she feels at what she’s about to say. “And you did.”

He goes quiet, staring down at his own hands.

Connie lays her palm on his knee carefully. “Strength isn’t being able to hurt people. You know that. Nobody thinks you’re weak.”

“Jasper did.”

“And you proved her wrong. And now she thinks you’re strong.”

He looks up, unsure where she’s going with this.

“Does it feel better? Now that you proved it?”

He stares back down at his hands, clenches them to fists. His voice is suddenly barely audible, tension making it come out breathless, pressed out with a deep kinda of anger, frustration.

“Why are you so sure the answer is no?”

Connie frowns, only growing more worried. She pulls her hand back, an uncertainty spreading through her.

He releases his hands but doesn’t lift his gaze. “You think I’m some kind of perfect star child, don’t you? Like I would die to do the right thing in a heartbeat, and not even feel bad about it!” He lifts his gaze, gesturing, a mixture of pained humor and anger. “Like it would be my wish to break myself to pieces for everyone and then be happy about it!”

Connie goes quiet for a while before speaking up again, her hand going over the grass between them. “So how does it feel?”

His posture relaxes a little in defeat. “Not as horrible as it should.”

He finishes, he expects her to be angry, to be mad, to tell him he’s not the person she thought he was, or that he’s grown colder, or lost his heart, but she doesn’t.

“But how does it?”

He keeps his voice flat, too loud to be soft. “Why do you want to know?”

“Because… because I know you.” Something akin to hurt seeps into her voice, quiet and unsure. “Because we’ve always told eachother everything.”

He looks at her, hopeful eyes looking up at his in search for the truth. He feels something in his chest melt when her voice sounds like she’s close to crying, not over what he’s done but over the fact that he won’t tell her.

His shoulders relax and his face softens, and he feels the need to take her hands in his and soothe her and wish he wouldn’t be causing her this much hurt.

“I’m not… sure?” His voice is softer now, gentler, even if he doesn’t know what to say.

Finally he gives in to the feeling, deciding if she doesn’t want it she can just pull away. So he takes her hand off the grass softly and wraps both his soft, smooth hands around hers, her skin tougher, rougher from the sword fighting and sports and hard work, his protected always by his shield, his magic.

She moves her other hand to the bundle as well, and Steven’s hands hold both of them as if he’s holding the most important thing in the world, as if a wrong move could scare her away or hurt her.

Steven starts, talking softer now. “I don’t know if there’s… anything I can say to make this right. I don’t think there’s anything there to make it right at all. So I don’t understand why you’re still here.”

He presses his hands together over hers gently, emotion filling his chest. “I want to- I mean, it’s hard. The truth. But if you want to know, then… I want to tell you. But it’s not pretty.” Then, like a realization, as if it’s something new, “I’m… not perfect.”.

“Of course you’re not perfect.” She turns her hands, holding him back but still comforted by the feeling of their heavy warmth around hers. “People… make mistakes. Of course you’re determined by which ones you make and don’t make. But you’re also determined in how you deal with them.”

He wants to be honest, so he pushes the feeling out of his chest and to his throat. “It was something I could have avoided,” he murmurs, “but I didn’t. I… I don’t have good reasons for why it happened, I was pent up, and angry, and curious.” He looks up at her again. “Isn’t that horrible? Curious what my powers would do to her? Tell me.” He presses their hands together a bit more. “Tell me that it’s horrible. I know it is.”

“Steven...” Connie has to collect her thoughts, weigh them. She shouldn’t excuse what happened. But the person cradling her hands already knows that.

“What happened isn’t good, but… you’re willing to make up for it, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am! But I can’t always fix everything. We were lucky to have the diamonds on our side. If this had happened sooner, then...” He shakes his head. “This is bad. The fact that I can… lose myself like that.” He takes a deep breath. “But it was still me. I think that’s… hardest to grasp.”

“You were powered up though, right?”

“Yeah, but… powering up doesn’t make me someone else. It’s still me. I can still hold back. That’s the worst part.” Pushing the words out hurts, makes him want to curl up and hide and wait for it all to cool down instead, but he can’t. He wants to be honest. If anybody deserves to know, it’s Connie. “I chose to...” He gulps down the rest of the sentence, unable to bring it over his tongue.

She lets out a small sigh. “I know.”

They sit in silence, hands still wrapped, the roar of the ocean waves accompanying them.

Steven’s thoughts run in circles, over and over, until he finally speaks up again. “Connie?”

“Hm?”

“Do you… still like me?”

She smiles. “Of course I still like you.”

“But I’m dangerous. I hurt someone. Badly.”

“You also brought peace to the galaxy, and your family consists mostly of people who are dangerous and have hurt others.” Her more cheerful tone fades as she goes on. “Don’t get me wrong, this is… new. I mean, you didn’t change the moment it happened, I think we just… found out something new about you, that came to light because life changes around you. Because you’ve been changing gradually, for a long time.”

He sits quietly as she continues.

“And I don’t mean to say that this is you, or something that you do now! Or that you changed for the worse. I think growing up the way you did, and all these new powers… you were left directionless, more so than any of us thought you were. I had no idea Jasper and you could end up this toxic. And you can still change. It’s your choice to never let it get that way again, but...”

“But what?”

“But not becoming that way again means changing.”

“Of course. I just have to avoid Jasper, and avoid using my powers-”

“No.” Her firm tone cuts him off. “That’s exactly what you were doing before. That’s not changing, that’s reusing your old strategy.”

“But then how do I-?”

“It happened, because you felt weak. So maybe you can work on feeling strong, in a way that doesn’t base itself on hurting others. I’m sure the gems can help with that.”

“I don’t know if they can.”

Connie finally gets her hands out of the warm wrap and intertwines hers with his. “They can support you, and I can support you. But the changing part will have to be your choice, and will involve you working for that goal. You don’t want what happened with Jasper to happen again, do you?”

“Well, no, but…”

“But?”

“But nothing has made me feel better other than what I did with Jasper in… in months! Maybe years.”

“There’s other things that will make you feel better. Like talking about it. We can help you find something, but only if you work on it too.” She grows a bit more stern. “And continue therapy.”

He looks up from their hands, and Connie goes on. “You don’t have to sacrifice feeling better for moral rightness. You just need to find something else to feel good with. Healing is hard. But at the end, you’ll hopefully feel better, even better than you did when fighting. Much better.”

His voice is nothing more than a gentle, hopeful breath. “You think so?”

“Mhm.”

They sit quietly before Steven speaks up again. “Thanks, Connie.”

She looks up to him even though he’s looking away.

“I think just this helped already.”

---

Pearl stands silent and relaxed in the midst of her room. With a precise pose, a collection of shields she once kept for Rose rise to the surface.

She opens her eyes, cold white fingertips going over the rough and rusted metal. She sees her own reflection, ice blue eyes staring back at her.

Calculated, is what new gems of the rebellion would call her. Certainly they believed Rose to be in charge and struggled to understand Pearl wasn’t just an accessory for their leader, but once they saw her in battle, that changed. She made sure of it. She proved herself, to every single one.

Unlike everyone else, she knew Rose. Knew Pink. She could have never shattered gems of her own court, of the other diamond’s courts. Pearl thought she understood at the time, because they were to return once Earth was free.

She remembered Rose’s silent musing long after they’d met Garnet, remembers the day she came up to Pearl and told her all gems are precious. Of course they were, Pearl knew that. No, she said, it’s different. How could it be different? Each gem had a purpose, so they were precious in their own way, like metal rings of a chain. 

Jasper came so close to poofing Rose. Pearl knew what she had to do. She fought, she dodged, she cried and yelled and screamed and reformed so fast it was painful, knowing Rose’s form was trembeling behind her. She could not last long.

She remembered how distant Pink had been to Jasper. Yellow’s favorite, but not Pink’s. Pearl could figure why. Of all gems, she thought at the time, Jasper least resembeled her in every way. 

She didn’t seem good in her court. She was rough. She’d caused the fall of many rebelling gems, caused many of Rose’s tears, and Pearl lived to fight and hate her, for the pain she put Rose through, for the pain she forced Pearl through.

It was in her luck that Rose managed to catch her off guard while the quartz was getting increasingly annoyed at taking so long to defeat a pearl. Poofed, and Pearl thought, finally. They both collapsed.

Pearl rose first and moved quickly. She was doing Rose a favor, after all. Preventing her tears, her sadness, and with that lighting up her own world in color. And yet Rose stopped her, and despite all her efforts, it took Pearl a human lifespan to fully understand why.

Even now she doubts whether her strength at the time could have been enough to break a gem. Would Rose have asked it at the time, though, she knew her form would have somehow learned to adjust, for her, no matter how.

She never asked such a thing. She was proud of Pearl’s increasing strength, certainly, but that could not match the way her face light up, brighter than the core of this galaxy, when she found out Pearl had learned how to bubble.

She valued each gem. She never once slipped, never once got destructive. 

But after how many tries?

At least once she exploded and hurt Pink Pearl. How many other times? Pearl never saw her shatter anyone, but as a new diamond building her court, could she have avoided it even if she wanted to? Even then, she burst to life into a world that expected such cruelty of her, with no way to understand what is cruel and what isn’t. 

In the end, Pearl still found it a bit of a miracle, how a diamond with such power and status - even dissatisfied with her superiors - would make such a step, such a conclusion.

Pearl was there, and at the same time she wasn’t, watching Rose contemplate from afar as she strolled through forests and over beaches or watched the stars and clouds for nights and days.

How many times did Rose try and fail? Wasn’t she still learning even after the rebellion, when she had to learn respect beyond curiosity and play, beyond the world she knew, beyond every habit ever taught to her?

Pearl breathes out, adjusting, and the shields sink back into the water, deep into the temple. The water rushes quietly and evenly, a soft song humming along to Pearl’s graceful movements and steps.

A weight in her gem settled and seemed to roll off of her like raindroplets, following the shields down into the darkness. 

She stops, and stands firmly. Rose did things her way, with her own practice, and Pearl never would have even begun to imagine abandoning her for mistakes, for accidents. She’s older now, different, no longer as blindly loyal. 

But with that age and new understanding, she’s only all the more sure that Steven needs her to be there for him right now.

---

Amethyst kicks a metal plate hard. It gives a resistant clank and lays still. She lets out a loud graon, continuing to stomp through her room.

She kicks a solid rock, watching it break apart with a dull pain in her foot, and it only makes her madder. Fists on the dusty ground and loud yells and screams fill the room. 

Amethyst turns over to lay on her back, stubbornly staring upwards. She breathes.

With every breath, the silence seemed to pressure her more and more. She rolls over.

She sighs, giving up, laying flat on the ground. Who is she to say anything, really? To bother? Why does it matter?

Why? Why did they never notice, why did they never even think about this? Why is she so focused on this? Why does she feel fucking sorry for that cruel quartz?

She sighs again, grumbeling. She remembers the first day of uncorruption, where for just a moment it felt like she could imagine what Jasper felt. Sure, she’s the worst, and turned out to leave off there and head straight into that forest. She’s mean, with no semblance of change. She doesn’t even try, and here she is, screaming into her empty room just so the others don’t see her break down.

Jasper decided to leave. She decided to ignore the whole thing and pull back, isolate herself so she could break alone. Amethyst groans again. It all feels too complicated, too tangled and hard to understand. She sees herself in Jasper. She hates Jasper.

Connie told her Jasper egged him into it, kept pushing, kept pulling and encouraging without second thought. And that only makes it worse, because she knows what that’s like: Pushing Steven out of his comfort zone, finally, from the quiet kind kid to someone people listen to, because if anyone should get to to what they want for once, it should be Steven, right?

There’s no way Jasper feels anything but some desperate aggression at her life, right? She wanted him to give it his all so badly, and any rational explanations make Amethyst feel bad. Make her feel uncomfortably similar to the orange gem. The desperate attempts. The fighting, the pushing.

She knows, distantly, that she’ll lay here and let things suck until she eventually crawls back outside. She looks over the piles of trash, having decreased with time. It’s been a while since she last tossed herself to the ground like that.

She stands up to her full, short stature, not bothering to dust herself off. Steven is strong, isn’t he? She knew that. She walks up to a pile of semi-organized metal scrap. He’s stronger than her. Which isn’t a surprise in of itself, but having seen it now, her insides seem to sink. He didn’t get his aggression from her, did he?

She kicks one of the metal pieces, and the pile bulges before falling back down. She picks something up, just to hold it, to accupy her hands. She lifts it up, and with a start, tries to snap it over her knee. 

The alien metal bends unsatisfyingly, and leaves Ametyhst panting and with her gem regenerating some of her knee. She lets the scrap fall back to the floor.

He’s not a kid anymore, either. 

The thought of Steven hurting someone always felt so ridiculous. She’d push him, tease him for being too caring or tell him to try harder. Hell, they both fought, and he survived all that while barely even trying. And while trying to make her feel better. 

And she never even noticed how he changed, did she?

Since when could he have been pushed to do that? To really, really hurt someone?

She groans again. It’s all so much. It’s all so complicated. Sure, she can deal with it in time, but that doesn’t make any of this any less stupid.

Change. He changed. She kicks another piece of scrap, sending it flying. 

If she sits on her thoughts any longer, she’ll never come out, so she heads for the temple door. 

Her fault or not, he was there when she changed, even for the worse. For every horrid reformation or desperate fight. She looks glumly at the door, and it opens.

At least she can imagine what he’s going through, even if she doesn’t know what to do.

---

Garnet meditates.

Dozens of blue paths glow blue in the darkness. Millions of spectral droplets drip down from the platform she hovers above. With every single one, a fiery burst illuminates her. She sits unmoving.

A large, pearly waterdroplet rolls off the platform, and the flames briefly lick over the blue paths, threatening to disrupt them. She focuses, the flames die down.

The round glass platform hovers beneath her idly.

Another droplet falls, the flames rise, and the platform cracks. 

Garnet grits her teeth, clenches her fists. It’s all going fine. Breathe. She breathes. Crack.

Just breathe, she thinks, Steven is just- Crack. 

Just the mere thought causes her to stir. A voice tells her that she isn’t dealing with the problem at all. 

Garnet tenses, trembeling while a droplet begins to roll down her face. When it lands on the platform, it shatters, pieces scattering in the darkness.

She twists out of her meditative position, fire rising to meet her so she can stand. It whirls around, obscuring her vision, obscuring her thoughts. She punches into the flames, but that only sends her off-balance, falling.

She lands on her feet just barely, steadying herself. She takes off her visor and stands, staring at the blue landscape set in red flames, the break between adorned with purple-pink flowers. There is no wind. It all stands eerily still.

Pink butterflies swirl around the bushes and abstract shapes.

At the end, the landscape fades into pitch black. She doesn’t know. She looks down. She doesn’t know anymore.

A butterfly lands on her shoulder. She was wrong, again. Of course she saw into the future, thought she finally understood him to at least give an estimate. There were so many ways. This was not one of them, and now she has no idea what lies beyond.

Her fists clench again, shoulders rising as the butterfly leaves. Breathe. Another swishes by, ethereal wings brushing past her arm.

She failed. Her fists clench tighter, shoulders higher, hunching over. He hurt someone, he’s terrified, he turned into a monster, and she wasn’t there for him. 

The butterfly swirls, contemplating whether to return or not. Garnet stops, freezes, and releases a breath. Her shoulders sink down, and she watches the butterfly leave and fade into the blue.

It’s okay. Just a butterfly. Just a thought. 

Another approaches her from the back, finding place between her shoulderblades. She remembers the terror she felt, standing before Blue Diamond, loyal devotion and blindness suddenly twisted into betrayal. A Diamond. A Diamond that wanted her shattered, a Diamond she had belonged to so dearly, even if she hates the thought now.

Glowing wings pass by her vision. She believed Diamonds existed to shatter for so long. Bismuth proved her wrong. Rose proved her wrong. Steven proved her… wrong.

Her arms go around herself as she closes her eyes shut. Rose let wonder, love, light grow in a place of devouring fear. Little did Garnet know at the time, she let it grow from the same place the fear came from.

And then she trusted them. Knelt down, blindly, with everything to fear and nothing to prove. She held out her hand, and Garnet took it. 

Without a second thought, without a single question, with nothing but a sad smile and those soft hands. She always thought Rose took her in and held her tight, but no. She let Garnet go, to do as she would, and trusted her with every secret, every move, every fight.

Garnet breathes out, and three butterflies swirl off and into the darkness. She opens her eyes, watches them leave. She blinks. They’re pretty. She smiles to herself.

Rose believed in her. Rose believed in change. Rose believed in a lot of things, really.

And Garnet?, she asks herself, a question from both her halves. She opens her palms to see her gems side by side.

Garnet believes in change. She believes in letting others grow. She believes in Steven.

She closes her hands, and the butterflies pass her by peacefully.

---

The sun is setting, coating the world in dusty hues of orange and red. Long shadows stretch over the forest ground, the trees mere black silhouettes against the paling sky. Last stretches of clouds seem to hurry home.

Steven stops near his destination. He carefully pulls some leaves aside to see the gem in question. The red stripes and messy hair make her blend into her surroundings well, coated with warm, fading light and rounded by harsh shadows.

She turns to him with sharp, attentive eyes, eyeing him. Steven opens his mouth, then closes it again. She turns to him fully, leaning against a nearby rock. 

She crosses her arms over her chest. He long told her to drop the salute, and that he can’t possibly be what she wants him to be. Something wants to tell him she’s probably more mad about the salute than about what happened, but he suspects that’s also exactly what she wants him to believe.

He sticks his hands in the pockets of his jacket and clears his throat.

“Jasper, I’m sorry.”

She huffs. “For what.”

“For being out of control. For using all of my power-”

She cuts him off. “For what? Doing what you were made for? Being who you are? No.”

“This isn’t about that! I hurt you.”

“Because you were doing what you were made for.”

He sighs. They’re going in circles already. “Look, I came here to say I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for coming here, and then bothering you, and then not knowing better and-”

He’s cut off by the sound of a fist smashing a rock to bits as he has to shield his face.

“Jasper, let me finish-”

“You.” She walks up to him, pointing a finger into his chest. “Are apologizing. For the wrong. Things! I don’t want you to come here and apologize for, I don’t know, existing!”

“I’m not!”

She groans. “You can’t apologize for having powers! That’s dumb!”

He’s about to toss an annoyed retort, but he stops himself. Think, Steven. Getting mad isn’t going to make this any better. You can’t apologize for having powers. For existing.

He groans and looks up to her in defeat. “I guess you have a point… But I’m sorry for-”

“No.”

“But-”

“NO!”

He goes quiet, crossing his arms in front of his chest himself now. Jasper turns back to her rocks, but keeps talking. “Is your memory faulty? Did you like, forget everything we did? Everything I did?”

“But you were trying to help. And having powers and being out of control doesn’t excuse what I did.”

“Fine. Listen here. You really wanna apologize for, I don’t know, doing what I told you to?”

“Well, yes? I should have been thinking with my own head, too. And I’m sorry for not using my senses, either.”

He finishes, and they both stand in silent. Jasper gives an annoyed exhale and then sits down on the ground with a thud. She looks at him, groans, looks away, crosses her arms again.

“Fine. Then I’m… ergh, I’m sorry for making you, do that.”

Steven looks at her with a bit of surprise, but she quickly gets up and straightens herself as if nothing happened. “Good. Now we’re even. Don’t force me to do it again.”

She squints at him. “And stop smiling like that.”

He can’t help a small laugh. “Okay, okay! Well, this went, better than I thought it would.”

“Hrm.” Jasper kicks one of the rocks to the side, starting to mind her own business. He stands there, unsure whether to leave or not, until she turns to him again.

“What.”

Steven looks over into the forest. “I was thinking… Would you mind if I dropped by again, maybe? I mean, it would go better than before, of course, I don’t want to pressure or anything and-”

“Yeah.”

He stops his rant, breathing out. This did go a lot better than he thought it would.

He turned to the woods, the sounds of Jasper working away following him the first few steps. It’s almost night, the sky a pale, gray blue and the trees mostly mingled dark shapes. He still has some apologies to say to the Crystal Gems. Well, he already has, but he feels they should at least be something firm. Like a favor, or something to eat, or a gift. Something.

You can’t apologize for existing.

Who knew Jasper could give out decent advice sometimes, too.

[vilmublue]

Diamond ramblings: Part 2/2

White Diamond had the highest rank in the Great Diamond Authority. Yellow and Blue did everything she wanted, but not Pink. According to The Tale of Steven book, she was impossible to understand, impossible to ignore, and impossible to control. Yellow and Blue tried to reprimand her and control her behaviour, but in White’s opinion they were spoiling her. In the book, it’s shown that they still enabled some of Pink’s behaviour as they tried to placate her by giving her treasures like Spinel and the garden...and they gave her the Earth. White considered herself alone immune to Pink’s ”ridiculous influence” and believed it was ultimately her duty to keep Pink in her place. Even White’s ship and Pink’s room were located in a way that made it look like White was always creepily watching her.

In Change Your Mind, White said her purpose is to "know better, be better and make everything better". She claimed Pink always makes things worse and encourages deficiencies, while White makes things better by removing them. She described herself as perfect because she is “every color of the light” (white light does consist of every wavelength and is reflective). Yellow was strong but too weak for Blue because her impurities absorb all the blue, while Blue needed Pink because her impurities absorb all the warmth. White said she didn’t need Pink, but she is still “a part of her she always has to repress”.

The way she talked implied to me that it’s possible in the beginning there may have been a Diamond that was so unable to accept herself, others, anything that she literally attempted to become flawless, believing it to be the only way to make things better. She removed parts of herself she considered impurities, which became separate but still connected beings: Yellow, Blue and Pink. That would explain why the Diamonds have a some form of telepathic link and a shared mental plane as shown in Reunited. And how White is aware of things she seemingly has no ways of knowing, like the return of "Pink", human concepts like "mom" and "child", and Steven’s Pink Diamond dreams. Maybe she has been observing the others somehow without their knowledge, like the creepy over-sized lamp she is. But even if White knows many things, she seemed incapable of forming emotional connection needed to truly understand them.

If the aforementioned is true, White could be a literal shell of a person. Rebecca revealed in the Battle of Heart and Mind podcast that in a way White didn't really have an identity at all. She thought "she was everyone and everyone was her". She considered herself the default: nothing but pure white light. When other Gems absorbed certain colors of the light, she thought that's like herself but lesser. She felt like she could override others and make them herself because she thought they were all the same. A sort of a mother figure to all Gemkind, like a parent who can’t accept that her children are individuals and not just extensions of herself. Rebecca seemed to imply that White may have been projecting when she accused Pink of "surrounding herself with inferior beings, so she can feel good and be the best of the worst". I think White felt superior and free to criticise the others, because on the surface she could put the blame on them, not her. “Dulling your power, hiding your face, blaming everything on someone else”.

People have understandably criticized how quickly White changed her mind, but to me it made a lot of sense. She wasn’t the all-powerful being she was convinced and wanted you to think she was. She was fragile as hell. She couldn't accept the thought of opposing ideas and wanted to erase them so she could continue to live her delusion inside her own head. As Rebecca affirmed in the podcast, White was wrong about everything and Steven proved that. According to Rebecca, the body becomes embarrassed when the Id confronts the Superego with what it wants and what it is. White instantly fell apart, because she no longer could understand anything. She didn't know who she was, who Steven was, who anyone was. She lost the little sense of identity she had. Desperately, she asked Steven to explain it to her. Steven told her "maybe if you let everyone be whoever they are, you can let yourself be whoever you are too".

And now the Gemkind is free and allowed to develop past their original ”purpose”. They may have been given certain traits in creation, but they are much more than that. White especially probably still is in a quite fragile, developing state...and I'm curious to see what's going on in the new opening. I think White is someone who can easily influence others (literally by controlling Gems), but she herself is also very vulnerable to being influenced. While I like the fan theory that it could be the Gem creator, the theory that the big boi is corrupted Steven is very interesting.

According to the Steven Universe Future’s official description, Steven will have to face his own personal issues after he runs out of other people’s problems to fix. Maybe that could escalate and he accidentally uses some form of corruption on himself that affects him uniquely because of his human-half. Maybe White tries to help poor Steven, but he unintentionally unleashes some powerful pink aura that hits White and completely messes her up…and now I’m imagining a very chaotic big finale scenario where White’s influence causes all the Gems to go absolutely feral and this time it’s up to the humans to help Steven regain himself and save the day. That would be wild.

...Or maybe it’s not like that at all. Anyway, White is extra, Homeworld needs therapists and water is wet.

PART 1

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

would it matter at all? (Spinel X Reader)

Funny how these feelings of depression just hit you so suddenly eh? One minute you’re fine and the next the tears are coming and you’re trying to keep them back and just pretend like you’re okay for others? Yeah... it’s that kinda night for me... I wish I had my own Spinel... I understand her pain...

So I wrote this when I should have been doing something more productive but I had to just do this. I had to write for this lovely gem that I’ve grown to adore and would die for.

Warning: Some intrusive thoughts and implied suicidal thoughts as well so reader discretion is advised.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82hLvgGuDu8

If I wasn't here tomorrow would anybody care If my time was up I'd wanna know You were happy I was there

The past exists just to hurt the present person you are today. That’s how you always saw it at least.

There was one person who understood that the most though, and that was the new gem that had come into your life. At first you didn’t trust her, she tried to kill your friends, including one of your best friends Steven. And yet, you were amazed that the sweet boy was able to get her to stop what she was doing through a series of mishaps and helping the gems rediscover themselves, for better or worse.

You helped him the entire time, and reflected on your own life before you met Steven. Unlike Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet, you didn’t enjoy rediscovering the person you became today, because you still didn’t like yourself.

Beach City was a good place, but the place you came from before this wasn’t. It felt like you were the only person in the world because you knew you were different from everyone, and they made sure to remind you of it everyday. You felt worthless, rejected and cast out from the others and you actually believed that maybe you deserved it, maybe you shouldn’t have even been here.

At times you started to wonder, would it even matter if you disappeared? Would anything you did from here on out matter at all?

You wondered that, at least until the gem, Spinel was her name, had showed the person she used to be. A sweet, lovely little gem that you found extremely endearing every time she tried to play with you. She actually made you smile as you would giggle and blush whenever she got so close and playfully poked you to try and play a game with you. How could such a murderous clown be such a little sweetheart?

That’s what made you really wonder, but then you got your answers when she started to remember and reveal her backstory, her time in the garden after Pink Diamond… just left her there. For all those millenia, the poor gem stood there, alone and waiting for the person she thought was her friend…

Your heart broke for her, you wept for her as she reformed back to the same, maniacal gem that tried to kill you and Steven. Except she wasn’t just a maniacal gem, she was a broken, self-loathing individual that you saw yourself a lot in. She didn’t deserve what Pink did to her, and you knew that she hated the person she became, you knew that because you hated the person you became too after people hurt you…

But you didn’t want to fight her anymore, you wanted to reach out to her when Steven failed to get through to her for a moment.

“I know what it’s like! I understand what you’ve been through!” You exclaimed after she decided that no, she didn’t want to hurt Steven anymore. She looked up, eyes wide but her expression still had disbelief on it as her eyes narrowed into a scowl.

“How could you know? How could know anything like that?! You’re just some stupid human! Worse than even this loser…” She was skeptical, and you understood why, because you didn’t know who else could understand the feeling of being abandoned.

A sardonic chuckle left your lips, “You’re right… I AM a stupid human…” You almost weren’t offended by her insult though, nor were you deterred by the hateful look in her eyes. “I understand… because I used to be a happier person… I used to smile all the time and I can’t even remember why… but when I got older… I stopped… people just… didn’t want to be around me… I knew they didn’t… they looked at me like I was some kind of weirdo… and they just left… I was all by myself for a really long time…” Tears sprung to your eyes as you recollected the way you dramatically changed from a happy child to a moody young adult as Steven glanced at you sympathetically. He knew your story all too well, and honestly you thought that if it wasn’t for him, you’d probably be somewhere else… not with him or the gems and Connie and Greg…

The pink gem’s glare gradually softened into a mix of shock and confusion, her eyes widening slightly when she heard your words telling a story that were making her feel some type of way that she didn’t understand. All she could understand, was the pain in your voice and your eyes as you wiped the tears away even as they fell.

“I know your pain Spinel… I really do… I mean… 10 years is nothing compared to 5000 years but… I understand… what it’s like to feel… unwanted and… abandoned…” You mumbled with your eyes downcast as Spinel seemed to rethink more on what she really wanted to do after listening to you and Steven…

No. She didn’t want to destroy this planet anymore…

And you couldn’t lie, you were relieved when she and Steven were able to make the injector stop from destroying the planet. Maybe you didn’t want to die today, not when you had friends like Steven, Connie, Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet and Greg still around. You’d live for their sakes…

Yet, you couldn’t get Spinel out of your mind even as she went along with the Diamonds. Your [E/C] eyes welled with tears when she joined the Diamonds when they decided to take her in and you rushed over next to Steven when they shared a good bye peace sign.

If I wasn't here tomorrow would anyone lose sleep If I wasn't hard and hollow Then maybe you would miss me

 “Spinel!” You refused to cry, but you couldn’t help as you sniffled and waved your arm out to wave. “Take care! Come back whenever okay?! I want to… be your friend when you decide to come back!!” As tears dripped down your cheeks you made yourself grin as you waved vigorously to the stunned gem.

Her pink eyes going wide as a soft gasp left her, focusing entirely on you as you turned smaller and smaller from where she was at. A small blush sporting onto her streaked cheeks as she looked at you, and you were smiling at her. The human who could understand what she had felt…

You wanted to be her friend…?

She couldn’t even find the words as all she could do was stare and watch you wave with a broken smile and misty eyes with the tears down your cheeks. Spinel didn’t even realize the tears in her own eyes as she picked up her hand to wave back at you, still looking surprised and confused…

Why would you want to be her friend even after all of that…?

TWO WEEKS LATER

Although it had been a while since the entire incident that nearly ended in the world ending and you started to think that you probably should have been surprised that you survived yet another semi-apocalypse. But after the gems invading several times you remembered that had learned to get used to the world almost ending. Except unlike all of those other times, you couldn’t stop thinking about that gem. She wasn’t like the other gems, not even Lapis, a gem you had considered a dear friend.

Spinel was different. From the moment you saw what had happened to her, something tugged at your heart and made you realize that she wasn’t the only person who felt so rejected and discarded from people you just wanted to be with. You lied in your bed under your covers, remembering the way the pink gem would giggle and smile at you before she reformed back to the person she was today. Her innocence reminded you so much of who you used to be, and it was almost too painful to think about…

To have that childhood happiness shattered by the cruelty from another person, and to become a bitter, almost hateful person because of that pain being too much to bear. It fucking hurt…

You hurt just thinking about what kind of pain Spinel must have endured just waiting in that garden for someone who was never going to come back. What if she never got that message and just stood there forever? God you didn’t want to think about it…

You almost wished she was here so you could hug her and tell her that she didn’t deserve that, and that she deserved to be happy. But at the same time, you thought you were kidding yourself. Why would Spinel remember you? You weren’t anything special, she said so herself, you were just a stupid human.

Hell, you were lucky that Steven was kind enough to give you the time of day. Why would Spinel do the same?

Sighing and wiping your eyes you tried to go to sleep, but then you gasped aloud when you thought you heard something outside. Your parents were home, but they slept so deeply you were certain that not even an earthquake would wake them up. Then again, even if they did wake up, it’s not like you couldn’t handle yourself.

Well, you couldn’t really handle yourself well, but you didn’t care about yourself. At this point nothing mattered about you at all. And you told yourself that almost every day.

So you peered out your window to see if it was maybe just the wind, but your eyes went wide when you saw her…

Spinel, standing outside in your backyard with Steven accompanying her and pointing up when he had seen you. Wide eyes met as you gasped quietly. She looked just as shocked as you did, but she perked up when she saw your visage leave, “W-Where’d she go…?” She asked Steven almost nervously as he chuckled.

“Don’t worry she’s coming down.” He could tell you were excited, because he was very observant when it came to people. And he knew that Spinel had been on your mind the whole time, so he was more than happy to lead Spinel to your house when she came for a visit and asked about ‘the human with the [H/C] hair and [E/C] eyes’.

And her worries were put to rest when she saw you open that door, clad in just your (F/C) pajamas with a big smile on your face. “Spinel!” You exclaimed rather quietly, running over to her as her eyes widened slowly in shock at how close you were getting before you stopped right in front of her.

She looked a bit defensive, as if she wasn’t certain how to react to your excitement to see her. The diamonds treated her well and were in fact very good to her, but it’s been a long time since she’s seen that kind of joy directed at her. In fact, usually that’s what she had done in the past to… her…

“Hi… you’re that human.” Spinel remembered you, which secretly surprised you. “(Y/N) right?” She asked to clarify, and heat rose on your cheeks when she said your name for the first time. “Uh huh… that’s me.” An awkward smile came to your lips, something Spinel couldn’t help but mimic since she felt just as awkward as you did.

Something Steven immediately picked up with a small grin, “I’ll just leave you two be for the time being okay? I hope you’re having a good night (Y/N).” He knew when to leave two people alone and you perked up, feeling rather terrible that you forgot that Steven was there. “O-Oh! Thank you… s-sorry Steven…” You apologized to him sheepishly but he wasn’t offended in the slightest.

“It’s no problem! Spinel wanted to see you again, and I was happy to help.” He said cheerfully as he waved to the two of you, not subtly winking at Spinel as she was taken aback slightly at this gesture. And you blushed a little bit harder at such a thought, she wanted to see you again?

“You wanted to see me again?” You were so shocked you didn’t even realize what you had asked, and Spinel’s eyes widened even more as a flustered expression overcame her features. “W-Well uh… I… yeah… yeah I suppose…”

She felt strange. She hadn’t really felt this curious about anyone, not even Pink Diamond. She knew Pink Diamond, and she knew that she was her playmate, and other gems were just fun to play with too because they were all neat looking. You were different. You weren’t a gem, you were a human being and yet your feelings weren’t that different from the feelings gems could feel.

And your feelings apparently weren’t that different from Spinel’s own feelings. Which is what really made her curious.

“Let’s… sit on my bench… it’s… more comfortable.” You couldn’t get rid of the corny smile on your lips as you gave her the offer, “Oh… thanks…” She couldn’t turn it down though as you lead her to your bench, allowing the two of you to sit down.

It was uncomfortably silent for at least 5 minutes, but you didn’t know what to say. Which was ironic because she’s all you could think about for the past couple of weeks. Why the hell couldn’t you say anything now?! Come on (Y/N)!

“So… um…” You started off, badly though. It wasn’t even a damn sentence…

“So…” And you were sure your uncomfortable energy was rubbing off on Spinel since she couldn’t quite muster up a sentence herself.

No. You couldn’t be an idiot. You sucked it up, exhaled and then cleared your throat a little bit. “I’m… glad to see you again.” Finally, you said something that actually made sense and was an actual sentence. “You are?” But this confused Spinel, since she knew she didn’t make the best first impression by trying to hurt you and Steven.

“Yeah.” You replied simply with a smile and shrugged your shoulders. “Why?” The gem asked you somewhat bluntly though, trying not to look amused by the simplicity of your response.

“I liked you. You were… an interesting gem… and… don’t tell the other gems but you’re actually more interesting than any of them…” A little snicker left you as you covered your mouth, feeling kind of bad for putting the other gems down like that but Spinel really did interest you. This further surprised her though, her eyes wide with shock because even after all of that, how did you still like her even a little bit.

WHY did you like her?

I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone Someone that I'd like better I can never forget, so don't remind me of it forever

“Why?” She asked bluntly again, a wry smile on her lips. “I tried to kill you. I tried to kill Steven. Tried to destroy the earth. Why do you like me?” For a minute there, she swore that you probably liked her old self better, because she remembered having a lot of fun with you before the past came back to her…

“Is it my old self that you liked?” Spinel’s tone became a little bit colder, yet the sadness was still there. “I’m flattered… but that’s not me anymore… I wish it was but… it’s not me. I haven’t even pulled myself together yet either…” She looked down, her gloved fists starting to clench as she tried to hold back the anger bubbling in her. Not at Rose, but at herself. She still hated the person she was, and she hated that you were here, telling her that you liked her.

There’s no way you could like something like her…

“Of course I liked your old self.”

She knew. She fucking knew it. God she wanted to cry and feel betrayed all over again so she could get away and not have to be hurt again, but you didn’t stop talking.

“Because you remind me of me when I was a kid.” You smiled ruefully and looked in the distance. “I smiled a lot before I started growing up. I was so happy… so eager to impress my peers. I wanted nothing more than to feel included, and feel like I was someone’s friend.” As you talked, Spinel looked at you intently as she took in all of your words and the feelings behind them. The feelings that Spinel still had lingering in her even after Pink Diamond. That’s exactly what she felt like, all she wanted was to be a friend.

“I did everything… everything I could to impress them and make them happy, even if it meant not doing what I wanted… I just… wanted that so badly.” Your smile was still there, but it was clear to the gem that you weren’t happy at all.

“And then… the older I got… the more I started to realize… I’m not what people want… I’m nothing more than an amusement at best.” However, the more you thought about the past, the more your smile started to curve into a soft frown. “And some people didn’t even like me at all… they avoided me just so they could be amongst themselves and kept me out of their picture… I didn’t realize it til later that I wasn’t anyone’s friend, I was just… nothing.”

A small, empty chuckle left you as you wiped your eyes when tears were threatening to fall as Spinel looked at you in shock, feeling more feelings that she had never felt for anyone else other than herself. She was angry, hurt and unable to believe that this happened to you, you seemed like a decent person, why did those people avoid you?

“Those… those…!” Spinel couldn’t help it, she shook her head as her fists trembled, “I… I hate that!” She exclaimed as you jumped a bit, not wanting her to wake your parents but you didn’t really want to set her off any further. “I hate it when people do that… it’s… why…? Why are they so cruel like that…?”

She asked you questions that you asked yourself everyday in your moments of solitude as you put your hand on her shoulder. “I don’t know… I ask myself that all the time and I can never find the answers.” You gave a sigh as you looked downwards. “But… I know this sounds selfish of me but… I… I couldn’t help but like you because I understood you…” You admitted, no shyness in your tone, just honesty despite how sad you were.

“I used to be happy… until life and people started to kick me… and push me aside like something that didn’t matter at all… I know… that’s probably how you felt… and I just… I hated hearing what Pink did to you… you didn’t deserve it Spinel… you’re a good gem… I don’t know why Pink had to go and hurt you like that…” Voice cracking you squeezed your shoulder as gobs of tears started to stream down your face as you shut your eyes, unable to see the tears welling in Spinel’s eyes as she tried to hold it all back.

Steven was the only other person who took pity on her, but hearing another person tell her that NO, she didn’t deserve what happened to her… was like some kind of validation that she didn’t know she needed to hear until right now this very moment.

But at the same time, it made her feel even worse when she thought about how she still hurt you and tried to bring more hurt to you when she first fought you and Steven as she cried. “But I’m NOT a good gem! I had to have deserved it! I hurt you! And Steven! You can’t tell me I didn’t deserve that! Not when I was the one who hurt you when you didn’t deserve that… or what they did to you… you didn’t deserve that at all…” She hung her head as she wept for you, and all you could do was watch her in shock as a sob hitched in your breath.

“S-Spinel…”

You were touched by her sympathy, and how she seemed to genuinely care about her feelings. No one other than Steven and Lapis have ever really cared about your feelings, but Spinel… she understood you more…

“I don’t know…” You couldn’t fight the self-deprecation though, it was a horrible trait you picked up on the older you got and realized that maybe you were avoided because there was something wrong with you.

What if I just pulled myself together Would it matter at all? What if I just tried not to remember Would it matter at all? All the chances that have passed me by Would it matter if I gave it one more try Would it matter at all?

“Maybe I deserved it too…” Spinel gasped when she heard you say that, no, no you couldn’t have believed that. “I mean… you’re great but… I’m not… I’m a loser… I sit in my room all day, watch anime for the sake of comfort, and listen to music by Lana Del Ray, My Chemical Romance and Stevie Nicks, and write bullshit stories for god’s sake… if I wasn’t here today it probably wouldn’t even matter. I might as well not even exist… who knows? Maybe I’m just better off gone because I don’t think anyone would even care… I’ve thought about it… but never could go with it…” You admitted some of your darker thoughts as your eyes started to dull with the misery you’ve carried around the past 10 years of your life and maybe even longer than that.

Of course Spinel wasn’t familiar with the concepts but all she knew is that no, she didn’t want you to disappear. “No! You can’t… You have to be here…” Her voice croaked a little bit as she grabbed your shoulders, “If you weren’t here… I wouldn’t have gotten to hear you say that I didn’t deserve what happened to me… even though I think I did… if you just disappeared or went away I would care (Y/N)! I… I would care… it matters to me! It would matter to me!” She sobbed to you and held onto your shoulders tighter as if she was trying to make sure that you were still here.

She didn’t know you well, but she wanted to. And she didn’t want you to leave. 

You had never opened up about this sorrow to anyone before though, Spinel was the first person you completely opened up to. She was the only one who knew about what you were really feeling, and you were almost relieved that she didn’t quite understand the deeper parts of what you tried to say.

However, hearing her say those words were comfort to you as you sobbed and you couldn’t help but pull her into a hug. “I’m… glad to hear that someone would…” You shakily said in between soft cries as she sniffled. “You’re… you’re not bad (Y/N)… if you think… I’m a good person… I don’t know why you do but… thank you… please… you’re really here right? If you are… I’m glad… that someone else knows what it’s like…” Spinel almost sounded shy as she admitted to this newfound happiness she couldn’t help but feel talking more about what happened to her.

“I am… and… I hope you’re here too… Spinel I really like you… I missed you… I wanted to get to know you more… so… I meant what I asked… would you like to… be my friend…?” That’s what you wanted to ask her, despite these other feelings in your stomach that were flurrying about as your cheeks turned hot.

Spinel was hugging you, stretchy arms around you tightly as she perked up at the question, and she looked up at you with surprise in those rather adorable pink eyes of hers. She was a bit hesistant and yet she felt like she could really trust you, so she gave you a little smile.

“Yes… I want to be your friend too (Y/N)…” She answered you slowly, but sincerely as she nodded up at you. (E/C) eyes widening as you beamed and you tightly hugged her again, earning a small surprised squeak from her, but she couldn’t help but hug you just as tightly. Even stretching her arms even more all around your figure like a snake almost as you gasped with wide eyes as she pulled herself away with a goofy smile.

The two of you bursting into laughter through your tears as you actually felt like there was this weight inside of you that had been slowly lifted off of you. This was the first time you felt actually happy, and the first time you’ve laughed in a long time and it was because of this sweet gem.

She did bad things yes, but she was broken too, and you understood that completely. And she understood that about you too. As the two of you pulled away, you couldn’t help but put your hand in hers as she looked up at you, a blush on her streaked cheeks as she locked her fingers with yours and smiled at you.

Warmly you blushed brightly with an equally bright smile on your face.

You knew that you truly did matter. You mattered to your friends and your family. And you mattered to her, and she mattered to you. Spinel knew this too, after everything she had been through, she finally learned that she really did matter to the new people she accepted into her life. She mattered to you, and you mattered to her too.

Both of you did, both of you mattered.

And YOU matter too. To anyone who read this, if you have any suicidal thoughts, or have had suicidal thoughts or even just need someone to talk to about intrusive thoughts or just need to talk to someone about anything don’t hesitate to call 1-800-273-6255, the Suicide Hotline.

And remember that your life is important and that your life matters. YOU matter.  

[solavillain]

Pas de Deux Ch. 1: A New Visitor

+pairing: Spinel x fem!Reader +genre: Drama, romance, angst +warnings: None (for now) +word count: 3.1K +Chapter 1 / ? next chapter

Read on AO3!

Summary: You love spending your summers in Beach City. You’ve come here since you were young, and have since befriended Steven and the Crystal Gems. You thought all Gem conflict had ended, and could finally spend a summer relaxing with your friends. However, your world flips upside down when a new Gem enters into the mix.

“Shit, I’m so fired!“

This is the only thought racing through your head as you bold down the boardwalk on the way to your café job. It’s not glamorous, or particularly well-paying, but you’d been coming to Beach City every summer since you were a child, and you weren’t about to stop that tradition now that you were in you final year of college. You figured out a way to stay in town and earn some pocket money, so you were good to go.

“Not if I get fired for being late again...” you groan internally and pick up the pace. Finally, you round a corner and bolt through the door, and behind the counter of the café, glancing at the time on the register.  

“20 minutes late, y/n...” your manager warns, giving you a side look as you head to the back of the store to get yourself collected. “How do you manage to be late when you live, like, 5 minutes away?” “It’s a talent?” You say, chuckling nervously before ducking to the back. At least it doesn’t seem like firing is on the table for today.

Once you’re up front and working, the day passes by like any other. You’d had an early shift, so when you break for lunch it’s right around 1 o’clock, a perfect time to sit outside and admire the beachfront view while sipping on your drink of choice. You glance down the boardwalk, past The Big Donut, to where Steven and the Crystal Gems live. You hadn’t really interacted with them much when you’d visited with your family as a child, but once you started coming over the summers by yourself, you’d slowly gotten to know them all.  

Steven had started off like a typical kid, but very quickly came to be a mature and thoughtful young adult, someone whom you looked up to. You didn’t know the full details of what had been happening out in space the past few years, but from what the Gems told you, he was doing amazing work. He was always so candid with his thoughts and feelings, and you found yourself wanting to spend time with him every summer you were working in Beach City.  

Garnet had intimidated you quite a bit at first; since you had mostly seen her around when the Gems were fighting something in town. But she seemed to come out of her shell as Steven got more involved in Gem goings-on, and every so often she stopped in the café with Steven and you found yourself at ease around her, content to talk about everything or nothing. She was a true leader.

Amethyst was your go-to for nights out, especially since Little Homeworld had popped up and more and more gems had begun moving in- Amethyst seemed to get along with all of them. You were a bit shy the first time she’d brought you over, especially since she already seemed pretty close with some of them. You had met Lapis, Bismuth and Peridot a couple times, but they hadn’t really left the countryside until Little Homeworld, and they’d been so busy building the past two summers you’d been in Beach City that you hadn’t gotten the chance to know them as well as you’d liked.  But Amethyst had promised to change that soon, since construction was almost done and she’d have time for hanging out again. You were really looking forward to that.

Pearl was, arguably, the gem you were closest to. You had a lot in common- a love of music and the arts, a very strong need to be clean and organized, and you were both rather emotionally open with each other, which was nice and refreshing. Even if there was a bit of a disconnect, with her being less familiar with human affairs, she was still your favorite person to see whenever you went over to the Temple. She had even agreed to start training you in self-defense this summer, just for fun- she knew you probably wouldn’t need it against any gem threats, but you thought it might be useful for human matters, at least.  

You smiled warmly down the boardwalk, as a peculiar sight pulled you from your reminiscing- Steven emerging from a newly pink Lars’ head. You sat up straight and leaned forward, trying to get a better look. You hadn’t seen Steven in a very long time, as he’d been traveling the universe with the diamonds, as Pearl had told you when you arrived this summer and found him gone.   Garnet had arrived at the shop a few minutes earlier, and she pulled out a chair for Steven at the table of gems. You smiled warmly at the group, wishing you could go over and join them. But just as you thought that, the 2-minute warning you’d set on your phone went off, signaling that it was almost the end of your break time.

You sighed and stood up slowly, taking one last glance at the group by the Big Donut, where Steven was heading to the newly installed warp that connected Beach City to Little Homeworld. You hoped you could meet up with him later and catch up on all that had been going on the past couple years.  

The rest of your shift passed by without much happening. You saw a couple new gems walk by outside the shop, but they didn’t come in, reminding you that not all gems ate everything in sight like Amethyst. You smiled to yourself at the thought, and glanced at the clock, eager to get off work and go visit everyone.  

Finally, it was time to go, clocking out once your replacement mid-day shift arrived. You said a quick goodbye to your coworkers and gathered your things, walking out the door into the hot sun. You took a deep breath of the salty sea air, and smiled to yourself. Finally it was time to go catch up with everyone. You had seen them all rush down the boardwalk towards the temple a little while ago, from your position in the café, so you turned left and began to head over.

As you approached the beach, you glanced up towards the lighthouse, and a smile broke out on your face. Laying on the hill were your four favorite people- Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Steven, and they all looked totally contented and relaxed. You started the trek up the rather large hill, but suddenly the sky darkened.  

All four of the Gems suddenly sat up, and from what little you could see of their facial expressions from this far away, they did not look relaxed any longer. In fact, they were all looking towards the sky...

Glancing up, your stomach dropped and you scrambled back towards the base of Lighthouse Park, trying to put some distance between you and the very, very large object that was currently descending from the clouds. You knew that, at the very least, it couldn’t be any of the Diamonds Pearl had told you about- Steven had been helping them, teaching them to be good...there was no way they would attack the Earth now, especially after all he’s done. So who...?

As the giant object neared the ground, a drill head emerged from the bottom of it, and with a thunderous boom, it inserted into the hill, right in front of your eyes. You stood in shock for a moment, until you realized you couldn’t see where Steven and the Gems were anymore.

“Oh my god. What if...?”

You shook your head, willing away the burning sensation beginning in your eyes. “No,” you thought, “they’re fine. I’ll just...”

You glanced anxiously back towards Beach City, torn between wanting to get somewhere safe, and wanting to make sure your friends were okay. You turned back towards the hill and the giant injector, and started making your way up the hill, mentally preparing yourself to help in any way possible.

“This damn hill is a lot steeper than I remember it being,” you think, as you push even faster, racing to try to get to them in time. Not that you even know what’s going on- you can’t hear or see anything, which worries you more than if you had heard fighting sounds.

Finally, you reach the injector, and you make your way around it. Just in time to see a menacing, stretchy pink Gem poof Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl.

You gasp quietly, still unsure if you should get involved. You know Steven is just as strong, if not stronger, than a lot of the Gems you’ve met. And you’re full human, you can’t poof and come back...you decide to wait until you’re sure Steven needs your help.

“That’s enough!” You hear him cry as he pulls his shield from his gem.  

“Aw, miss your friends already, Steven?” A sickly sweet voice asks, prompting you to come out from behind cover to glance once again at the pink Gem.

“Well, don’t worry- you're right behind ‘em!”

She leaps forward, spinning towards Steven in an acrobatic display, the scythe-like weapon in her hand glowing menacingly. The weapon breaks through Steven’s shield and passes through him- he shudders and trembles, but you can see that he’s ultimately fine.  

“Hah! That was nothing!” He says triumphantly. You relax a little- he's half human, gem weapons don’t really effect him. He could handle this on his own.

The other Gem chuckles menacingly, “Then I guess you won’t mind if I do it again!” She slices through him, laughing a high pitched maniacal laugh all the while. Though you know Steven is usually safe from...what was it they had called them? Gem destabilizers? You knew he was safe from those, but still...it couldn’t feel pleasant.   “Cut it out!” Steven cried out, finally seeing a break in the attacks, and grabbed the scythe.  

The pink Gem narrowed her eyes, “You don’t poof, do you? Hmm. Figured as much. Just wait! Your human half won’t stand a chance against my injector...not after what I just did to your gem!”

With that, your eyes widened. Was she going to do something to him right now? What happened to Steven’s gem? You couldn’t just stand by and watch her hurt Steven.

“Hey!” You called out, trying to mask the wariness in your voice. “Get away from him!”  

You stepped out from behind the injector, tried to remember every bit of training Pearl had given you thus far, and began to make your way over to them.

“Y/n, don’t!” Steven cried out, still struggling with his hold on the other gems’ weapon. “Well now, who is this, Steven? You didn’t introduce me to your little...ah, a human friend!” She grinned at you, her eyes going wide and bright pink. “Sadly, you’ll have to wait a little while to reap the benefits of my lovely new toys. This ol’ thing here won’t do much to ya...but that will.”   She gazed up at the giant pink injector that you had just walked out from. You had no idea what it did, but you really didn’t like what she was insinuating.  

With her focus momentarily elsewhere, Steven saw an opening and wrenched the scythe away from the invading gem.   “Just...stop!” He yelled, and passed the weapon through her. She cackled manically, one half her body sliding down the other almost grotesquely- even though you knew she was only projected light, the sight still made your stomach turn. Finally, she poofed, and with a soft thud, fell to the ground.

“Ugh...” Steven groaned, falling to his knees. “Guess I should bubble her...” He tried to form his pink bubble, and failed. You furrowed your brows- you had never seen his powers do that in recent years, he’d had very good control over them for a while now. He tried once more and couldn’t even get anything to form this time.   “What...?” he whispered softly, staring at his hands, and then looked over to the scythe. “Y/n, whatever that is...I think it did something to my gem. That’s not a gem destabilizer, it’s...something else.”  

You put a comforting hand on his back, and held out the other to help him stand.   “No use worrying about it now... let’s just get everyone back to a safe area, and we can figure everything out when they all...come back. Maybe we could call Greg?” “Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. Let’s go back to my house,” he said softly, standing up and heading back down the hill.  

You threw a passing glance at the injector, tilting your head back to see the very top of it. It was full with bright pink...stuff. Whatever that was, it wasn’t gonna be good.

Back at Steven’s house, you stood in the kitchen, watching Steven silently fret over his friends poofed gems. You could tell he was extremely worried, and wanted to give him some space. He was looking more and more anxious by the minute. Maybe you should say something... “Steven, I-” “Steven!”   Just then, Greg burst through the door, and both you and Steven visibly relaxed. You may be older than Steven, but this Gem stuff is still fairly new to you, and Greg has been dealing with it for years. He would at least be able to comfort Steven more than you could.  

“I came as fast as I could. Are you guys ok?” He asked, glancing between you and Steven. If he was surprised to see you there, his expression didn’t show it.

Greg notices the Gems lying on the table, and his eyes widen. “Holy sh...she really got everybody! Is that her?”   His gaze landed on the pink heart-shaped gem. You walked over to get a better look, now that the atmosphere was a bit less tense. The gem itself really was quite striking- multi faceted, very shiny, and very pink.  

“Yeah,” Steven answered his father.

“Who-?”

“No idea.”

“Why?!”

“No idea!” Steven sighed and sunk into the couch. You moved to sit next to him silently, wanting to offer your support, but not wanting to interject too much. “How?” Greg asked, seemingly too restricted by shock to ask more than one-worded questions.

“She hit all of us with this,” Steven answered, pulling the retracted scythe from his pocket.  

“Hey, I mean...at least it only poofed them, right?” You chimed in, giving them both a halfhearted smile.

Steven shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know if that’s all it did to them... It did something extra weird to me, my powers aren’t working right. Look at this!” He tries to summon his shield, and it blinks in and out a few times, before vanishing completely.

You furrow your brow, the pit of your stomach dropping. That’s definitely different. If it did that to Steven, what could it have done to the Gems...? Steven puts the weapon away, and puts his head in his hands. “I just have no idea what’s going on!”  

“Well son...now you know how I feel almost all the time.” You stifle a giggle- you can totally relate, and while it was an amusing comment...it makes you wonder if you might be truly in over your head here.

“Hey, guys...” You start to say, and clasp your hands in your lap, avoiding their gaze. “I’m sorry if I’m making things harder or weirder by being here. I know there’s not a whole lot I can do with what limited training I have, especially not if she reforms and tries to attack us again...” You trail off, chancing a look at Steven and Greg.  

“No, I want you here!” Steven exclaims, startling both you and Greg. “Honestly, without you I don’t know if I would have been able to get the scythe away from her. Even if it was on accident, you arrived at just the right time and distracted her for me. And you’re better at fighting than you give yourself credit for!”

“Hah...thanks, Steven,” you say, letting out a sigh. As long as he wanted you here and you weren’t getting in the way, you would stay to support your friends.  

The relaxed atmosphere didn’t last long. Surprisingly, Pearl- who, you had been told in the past, was often the last one to reform after being poofed- was the first Gem to begin glowing and floating in the air.

“Ah, good ol’ Pearl! She’ll know what to do!” Greg exclaimed, looking relieved. You were relieved as well; Pearl was your rock when things got tough in your personal life, and she always kept a level head during a crisis, for the most part. Once the other Crystal Gems reformed, they would be able to fight off the invading Gem easily. You smiled up at Pearl’s glowing Gem, waiting for her to reemerge.  

Instead, the sight that greeted you was rather...different. Instead of a glowing outline of Pearl, taking form to her normal self, a holographic oyster shone around the gem and began to speak.

“Please, identify yourself.”

“Um...Greg Universe?”

You glanced warily between Pearl and the Universes. As far as you knew, this had never happened before.   “What’s going on?” You whispered to Steven, gazing back up at Pearl’s gem.

“I’m not sure,” he murmurs, “this...isn’t normal at all.”   You gave him a sympathetic look, as Pearl continued speaking. “Greetings, Um-Greg Universe! Please state preferred customization options.”

Greg blanches, and looks to you and Steven for help. “Uh, what am I supposed to say here?”

“I don’t know,” Steven exclaims.   “This is so weird,” you mutter, still staring at the floating holo-oyster.

“Default settings selected,” the gem says, “please stand by.”  

All three of you go wide-eyed as the gem flies to the middle of the room, and finally, Pearl emerges. Except...she looks different. Well, you knew they often changed their forms after being poofed, so maybe she just wanted to try something new. Though, you had never really known her to be the puffy sleeves and skirt type...

“Pearl!” Steven exclaims, ecstatic to have his friend back. “Pearl, thank goodness you’re back!”

But Pearl says nothing to Steven, seemingly not even noticing him, or you for that matter. She only has eyes for...

“How do you do? My Um-Greg Universe? Thank you for bringing me into the world.” Pearl takes Greg’s hand, and gazes up at him with what could only be described as devotion. She kneels in front of him and continues, “I am at your eternal service! Welcome to your new Pearl.”

You look over at Steven, who is staring at Pearl and his father in shock.  

“Well,” you think, “this is certainly going to be interesting.”  

[spinelwritings]

Hi ! I wanted to say that you are amazing and I wanted to ask if you could do a yandere spinel x reader?

Well, this was fun! I’ve never written a yandere character before, so I hope I did a good job.

-------------------------------------------------

When you first met Spinel, you thought she was just the sweetest thing.

You had met her at a BBQ the small town of Beach City was throwing. You had only just moved there and, despite preferring to stay away from parties, ended up deciding that it was the best place to meet your new neighbors.

You could see the crowd gathered on the beach from a distance, your anxiety climbing the closer you got. Your shoulders tensed and you shoved your shaking hands into your jacket pockets. You stopped, taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly. You could do this. You just needed to jump in. 

“Hey!”

You jumped out of your skin at the sudden voice behind you and whipped around. The girl jumped at your sudden movement, taking a step back and looking very nervous. You relaxed slightly when you saw it was just a girl, offering an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, you scared me a bit.”

The girl smiled at you and you had to admit, she was kinda cute with her big pink eyes and pigtails and upside-down heart gemstone in the middle of her chest. She must be one of those Gems you’ve heard about.

“Whatcha’ doin’ all the way over here? The party’s over there!”

She pointed at the crowded beach, arm stretching farther then what was probably necessary. It sounded like a rubber balloon and the thought made you giggle.

“Yeah, I’m just prepping myself a bit is all. I’ll go over there when I’m ready.”

She stared at you for a moment, head tilted slightly as she thought something over. Then she smiled again.

“Okay, can I stand with you then? I … don’t really want to jump into the crowd just yet.”

You shrugged, but that seemed to be enough for the pink gem. You passed a few minutes in comfortable silence before you let out a long sigh.

“I hate crowds.”

The gem next to you hummed.

“Me too.” She paused a moment, then smiled up at you again. “Why don’t we just help each other. We go in together and if anyone of us wants to get out, the other will help give an excuse or something.”

You snickered.

“Yeah, alright. Let’s jump in.”

She nodded, linking her arm with yours and almost dragging you to the beach.

As it turns out, the people of Beach City are really nice! Everyone greeted the two of you with smiles and kind words. You found yourself actually enjoying yourself quite a lot. And the whole time you wandered through the crowd, eating, playing games, and talking with those around you, the little pink gem followed close behind, her laughter and smile never far. 

Towards the end of the night, an odd group decided to introduce themselves to you. They called themselves the Crystal Gems. They were all just as friendly as everyone else and they seemed to know the pink gem that was clinging to your arm. They called her Spinel and they all acted a bit … off around her like they were walking on eggshells or something. It irritated you, but you tried not to show it. 

At one point, Steven asked you to help him get some drinks for everybody. Spinel tried to help, too, but Steven insisted that it was fine, two people was enough. She frowned.

“We’ll be right back!” She watched you as you left. You could feel her eyes on your back, even through the crowd of people. 

“So, you and Spinel seemed to be getting along,” Steven said, a bit chipper than was natural.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“I just, umm…” Steven paused, then continued in a hushed tone. “Just be careful with her, okay? She’s still trying to get better after a lot of trauma and I don’t know how stable she is, you know?”

You grabbed some drinks, not looking at the teenager.

“Thanks for the warning, I think I can handle it.”

Steven looked doubtful.

“I don’t know, she can be … a handful.”

You walked away, waving and giving an unconvincing thank you. Spinel smiled wide and bright when you showed back up with the drinks and handed them out, Steven following behind you. For just a moment, you saw an odd expression cross the gem’s face, but it flashed by far too fast for you to interpret what it meant.

As the night came to an end, you said your goodbyes and tried to walk away, but you found Spinel clinging to your arm once more, looking up at you with her big pink eyes.

“Will I get to see you again?”

You smiled at her and shrugged.

“Probably. It is a pretty small town.”

That seemed to be enough for her. She let you go with a hesitant smile and you went home.

---------------------------------------------

You saw Spinel a lot after that. It seemed that, wherever you went in town, the gem was somewhere nearby. At first, you decided it was just a series of pleasant coincidences. She was just going for a walk on the beach like you, or she was just playing in the arcade. And you did enjoy her company. She made you laugh and she had the prettiest smile. You didn’t mind spending time with her when she did happen to show up, even if it was so often.

The first time she started making you nervous was when you were grocery shopping. She seemed to pop out of nowhere and made you jump. She just giggled, hanging off of your cart playfully. You forced a smile on your face and tried to have a decent conversation but something felt off about the whole situation. Hadn’t you heard that gems didn’t need to eat? Why would she be in a grocery store? But then, she could just be getting snacks for someone else or maybe just picking up some small things like batteries that the store also had. 

But then she left the store with you, not a thing in her hands.

You tried avoiding her more after that. Your mind told you that there was no reason for it, that Spinel hadn’t done anything wrong. It’s not like she attempted to hurt you in any way. But your gut told you something was off and you didn’t want her around, at least not at much.

-------------------------------------------------------

You decided that it would be safe to spend some time outside if it was the dead of the night. So, you snuck out well past midnight and went for a walk on the beach. 

It was quiet, almost unnervingly so. You had spent nearly a week indoors by yourself, the silence wasn’t something you were lacking. Luckily, as you got closer to the beach you could hear the crash of the waves and that was enough, at least for now. 

The only light came from the lighthouse, constantly spinning in the distance, but the moon was full and bright and that was enough to light your way. It was nice.

You decided to settle by one of the stray boulder’s, leaning against its rough surface and closing your eyes with a sigh. For one solitary moment, you were content and happy.

Unfortunately, that moment didn’t last long. 

You heard the faint crunching of footsteps on the sand and your brows furrowed. The footsteps only got louder. It took a moment for your mind to process what it meant, but when it did your heart sank. A moment later you heard a familiar voice.

“Where’ve ya been, Doll?” 

You tried not to flinch at the sweet tone, turning to her with a forced smile. Sure enough, there was Spinel, a sickly sweet smile on her face. 

“Oh, hi, uh… I’ve just … been… sick! Yeah, I haven’t been feeling well, so I stayed home.”

Spinel was by your side in an instant, sitting in the sand with a soft thud.

“Are you feeling better now?” She asked, face far too close to yours. You leaned away, smile faltering slightly.

“Yeah, I’m a bit better.”

“Good.”

She wrapped her arms around you, over and over, smiling as she trapped you in her grip. It was suffocating.

“I really missed ya, Doll. Let’s not spend so much time apart again, okay?”

“Uhhh….”

But she didn’t wait for a response from you before jumping to her feet, all energy. It made you feel exhausted.

“Let’s go do something fun! We can go swimming, play a game, what’re ya in the mood for.”

“Actually, I need to sleep. You know, do human stuff.” 

You forced a laugh, pretending you didn’t see how Spinel stiffened, smile forcing itself on her face, her eyes seeming to darken slightly.

“I guess that’s okay. I’ll just see ya in the morning then, right?”

You didn’t answer, just got up and all but fled the beach.

-------------------------------------------------

You were starting to get really scared of the small pink gem. Now she was showing up in your apartment, always greeting you with a smile and cheery “Heya!” She must have followed you that night you ran home from the beach. You tried constantly to shake her off, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer and the last thing you wanted was to get her mad. You knew how strong gems are, even the smallest ones, and if you got into a fight she could so easily kill you.

So you planned on leaving Beach City. 

You had a friend from out of town, Charly, that was willing to help and your parents said you could stay at their place. All you had to do was find some way to leave Spinel without her getting suspicious of anything.

Unfortunately, your options were very limited. She didn’t sleep, get tired, or hungry. She had no reason to leave your side. The only time you really could get away was when you went to the bathroom or showered. It had a small window that could open and your apartment was on the first floor, you just had to force yourself to fit.

You tried not to eat. You told yourself it was only for a little while, just a week or two until you could fit through the tiny spot. 

You told Charly everything and he waited in town, ready to come collect you when it was time. Now, you just had to wait.

Your moment came a little over a week later. You had managed to lose a lot of weight and, earlier in the day, you had managed to fit yourself through the small window. You told Charly to pick you up that night, making sure he knew to park on the end of the street so Spinel would not see him.

When you went to take your shower that night, you snuck in your backpack with you, already packed and ready to go. You had no plans to come back for anything else in that apartment. You could hear Spinel wandering around as you dropped your stuff by the window. You turned on the shower. It usually took you some time to shower, so you should half almost half an hour to leave and get as far away as possible.

You quietly put the backpack on your back and went to open the window, escape so close.

The window wouldn’t open.

Panic clawed up your throat and you wanted to throw up. You went to grab your phone, but it wasn’t in the pocket where you put it. You went back to the window, desperately trying to pry it open, tears starting to well up in your eyes. Your mind refused to work, panic frying whatever working circuits you had left. 

You had no idea how much time had passed when you heard a knock on the bathroom door, that sickeningly sweet voice echoing in your head. 

“You okay in there, Doll?”

You didn’t answer, sliding down the wall as the situation settled in your mind. The knocking was jarring, like nails being driven in your head.

“Come out, pudding!~ We’ve gotta talk!~”

You put your arms over your ears, trying to block out the voice and knocking. 

The bathroom door opened with the sound of splintering wood, the lock clattering to the floor, and you froze. Spinel smiled at you, cold and menacing, bright magenta eyes glaring down at you, spirling with insanity.

Her hands were soaked in blood and in one of them, she clutched your phone.

[gemi-fool]

a journey starts, a journey ends

jam buds week day 6: journeys end

(ao3 will be added in rb)

Steven sat in what used to be the Bubble Room, now empty. Every single corrupted Gem they’d found had been healed. Every bubble had been popped. The Gems were still working to track down some that were missing, but out of the ones they’d already found, no one was left behind.

He heard the Temple door opening, turning back to see the Gems walking in with Connie.

“We thought you’d be in here,” Garnet said simply. Connie walked over and sat beside him, the Gems following suit.

“You got all of them,” Connie smiled. “All of the corruptions you and the Gems found, you healed them! All of them!”

Steven smiled, nodding. “We got all of them.”

“We should celebrate,” Pearl said. “You should celebrate, Steven. If it weren’t for you, stars, who knows if this ever would’ve happened!”

“C’mon, man!” Amethyst said. “We can order pizza! Or cake! Or anything!”

“And my parents said I can stay the night,” Connie said.

Steven thought for a second. “Yeah. Yeah! We should celebrate!” He stood. “An actual celebration for the start of Era 3!”

Connie and the Gems stood beside him.

“I’ll order the pizza,” Garnet said.

They headed out of the Bubble Room, into the beach house (which the B-Team was going to help rebuild), and outside into-

Steven stared, before a smile slowly formed on his face.

Healed Gems stood along the beach, all talking amongst themselves before they noticed Steven and the others watching.

Then it was a sea of Gems shouting Steven’s name, shouting thank yous, shouting praises.

One journey was over.

---

Steven was standing across from the Diamond’s thrones in the ballroom.

“Gems deserve a say in how they’re ruled,” he stated. “The Diamond Authority-- well, it isn’t that? Gems should be able to vote on who their leader is, and they should get to have other choices than the Diamonds.”

White stared down at him. Steven still wasn’t used to it. He was barely 15, he still looked like a little kid, but he’d stepped up to do what he did best: fix things. This was just on a larger scale.

“Pi-- Steven,” she said. (At least he hadn’t had to correct her this time.) “This is how our society has worked for thousands of years! Is changing it now really necessary?”

“Yes!” Steven said. “Yes it is! Because things are already changing!” He took a deep breath. “Gems have free will. If you’re going to give them more freedom-- they deserve freedom to choose, too.”

“She does have a point, White,” Blue said.

“He,” Steven corrected.

“He does have a point. Sorry, Steven.”

“He does, but… How would we even set that up?” Yellow asked.

“Well, Dad tried explaining it to me when I was younger, and it was kind of confusing? But the way it works on Earth-- or, in America, at least, is basically, each state has a certain amount of votes? Everyone votes, and then whatever the majority voted for is what they vote for, and whatever or whoever gets the most votes wins or… something like that.” Steven shrugged. “But it doesn’t have to be that? It can just be majority of everyone.”

Yellow nodded slowly. “I see.”

“But I just don’t understand how any Gem would be better at running the Empire than us!” White said. “We’ve been doing it since the Empire began.”

“I could probably think of a few better candidates,” Steven mumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing-- They can learn. The foundation’s already there, I mean-- Gems with any political experience can probably work with it.”

Steven’s phone beeped. He pulled it out of his pocket-- he was supposed to head back to Beach City soon.

“Aw, crap. I have to go.”

“Steven, we’ll talk to White,” Yellow said. “Your body needs food and rest. Go get it. We can sort this out ourselves.”

Blue nodded. “I like this voting idea. Thank you for showing it to us, Steven.”

Steven nodded. He stepped onto the warp pad, warping back home. He walked into his room and down the stairs, finding Connie sitting on the couch.

She looked up at the sound of his footsteps. “Hey, Steven! How’d it go?”

He sighed, sitting on the couch and slumping down it, ending up with most of his body not even on the couch. “It was tiring,” he said, before sitting himself back up. “But Blue and Yellow liked the voting thing.”

“So the Empire is going to become a democracy?”

“Hopefully! White wasn’t really into the idea,” he said. “She still thinks they’re the only ones really fit to run the Empire.”

Connie nodded. “Yeah, I’m not really surprised.”

“So…” Steven said. “Where do you want to go for dinner?”

“Well, I know you like Fish Stew Pizza,” Connie replied.

“Yeah, but we can go anywhere! We just have to call Lion!”

“Hm… Well, there’s a new burger place in Ocean Town?”

“Yeah! That sounds great!” Steven near-shouted. “Hold on, let me call Lion.”

Steven found out the next day that White had been convinced. They were going to instate democracy.

Another journey was over.

---

Steven patted Lion awake.

“C’mon, bud, I promised Connie we could hang out at her place,” he whined. “C’mon, get up!”

Lion yawned, grumbling a bit, but stood up. Steven hopped on his back. He roared a portal into existence, and next thing Steven knew they were outside of Connie’s house.

He walked up to the door and knocked.

“Coming!” he heard Connie yell.

She opened the door, and paused for a second, staring.

“Steven! You-- you grew!”

“Yeah!” Steven said. “And it’s not forced this time! I grew!”

“You do age,” she said with a smile, stepping out in front of him. “Aw, come on, you’re taller than me!”

Another answer.

Another journey was over.

---

Steven looked up at the hill behind the Temple from the beach. The grass and flowers had finally regrown.

He walked through the town, stopping for bits from Beach Citywalk Fries. The town had been repaired.

He could see Little Homeworld from here. They were almost done building it, including fixing the damage from Spinel.

Connie had gotten to go to space camp, in the end. After Spinel left.

Spinel was in Homeworld, with the Diamonds. She could heal. She was safe.

Another journey was over.

---

Steven laid on the top of his car, staring up at space above him. Sadie and Shep’s song played from his car radio. No one else was around.

He wondered if Lars and the Off-Colors were in the section of space he could see right now.

Everyone was leaving, it felt like. He hated people leaving. He hated saying goodbye. He was all about change but-- this was a kind of change he didn’t like.

He had quit Little Homeschool to avoid graduations. To avoid this.

He went to text Connie.

Another journey was over.

---

Steven was so used to saying, pretending, and thinking nothing was wrong.

Adverse childhood experiences. Childhood trauma. Dr. Maheswaren telling him all of this. Connie saying that them being there was making things worse.

Something was wrong. He couldn’t think that it wasn’t anymore.

Another journey was over.

---

Steven wasn’t sure how long he’d spent sobbing into Lion’s mane, but eventually the Cluster had put everyone back down on shore, gave a thumbs-up, and had gone back into its bubble. The Diamonds and Spinel had left. Steven had gone inside, thought about taking a shower, then thought about the shards and the diamond essences and my diamond and decided not to, and got dressed. Bismuth and Peridot went straight to work fixing the front of the house, that was him, that was his fault.

Connie sat with him in his room after he got dressed.

“Steven,” she said, softly. “It’s gonna be okay.”

He blinked back the tears that were welling up, that threatened to spill out of his eyes again, he was definitely dehydrated.

“It’s not,” he whispered.

“I know it feels like that,” she said. “But it will be, because we-- your dad, the Gems, and I-- we’re not going to let you keep doing it alone. You’re not going to go through this alone, Steven.”

And he didn’t feel like he deserved it, but he knew they would anyways. He was done travelling alone.

Another journey was over.

---

Just a little time, just a little something else instead.

Steven waved goodbye to the Gems, to Dad, to Connie teary-eyed as he drove away. The residents of Beach City held up signs, waving goodbye as he drove through the streets of the town.

Just a little time, just a little something up ahead. I’m dreaming of…

Another journey was over, but only so a new one could start.

---

Steven set down another stack of boxes, Connie carrying in two more behind him. Rings shined on each of their left hands.

He’d finally found where he wanted to settle down-- and it wasn’t too far from Beach City, in Empire, a little past Empire City.

Connie pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Alright, those are the last ones,” she said. “I’ll order takeout while you start putting things away.”

He nodded, pressing a kiss to her lips (it sparkled just the tiniest bit). “Alright, babe,” he said.

His final journey was over.

[monkey-network]

Top Ten Best Characters of SU

Hey everybody, it’s Chuggaaconroy. Welcome back to more Ronaldinho Soccer 64. It’s been a while and I’ve never done this before so why not? Let’s celebrate this trash anime respectfully with my all time favorite characters. Let’s do this...

10. Blue Diamond

“But Monkey, she was a genocidal potato. How could you like a character that was problematic at all angles?“ Answer to that question is who cares....... Blue Diamond to me was the best of the Diamond Authority. Her mellowed out demeanor made for a great contrast with how threatening she could be. Lisa Hannigan provides a great, soothing voice. And while the season 5 finale was shit, I was at least okay with the idea that Blue would be the more reasonable of the three. Really, besides the fact Blue has such a blessed ass, she was less of a joke compared to Yellow, White, & Pink and I have to appreciate that.

9. Jasper

CC West’s video on her honestly summarizes how I feel. She was as much as an antagonist as she was a powerhouse fallen hero consumed by her goals. Reminds me a lot of Charles Muntz from Up, this being obsessed with seeing things through even if defeat is inevitable. Too bad Future fucked that up at the end, but I can’t blame the character for them basically doing nothing beyond killing her. She’s only better than Blue simply because we saw better from her.

8. Bismuth

The only reason she’s lower compared to everyone else is because she didn’t leave as lasting an impact on me. Beyond her debut and ‘Bismuth Casual’, her presence isn’t as solid as I hoped. Then again, it’s her pride that honestly stuck with me the most. Reminds me a lot of my grandpa in how she loved who she was and how she wanted to be there for the others beyond anything. She’s somebody that’d make you stronger if you were with them. If they gave her more, thought out episodes, she would’ve definitely made it to the top five.

7. Lapis

Would’ve been cooler if she bloodbended. Personally, her character kinda helped me understand my insecurities as somebody that felt pushed/pulled around as a kid, even by those closest to me. She took the barn yeah, but unlike before she didn't force anybody to come with her while her fears were kinda just. She hurt Peridot but I'd say it's less her fault & more of the Sugar juggling too much & working out very little. In the least, they gave a good character that beat herself up over trying to do right and is still learning. I understand those that don't like her, I'm just saying as bad as SU can be with coordination, there's some merit to behold with even its worst of elements and Lapis is an attribute to that. Friend of mine said she is what Catra from Nu She-ra would be but better and I can sort of agree.

6. Greg

I of course couldn’t leave out one of the better dads of cartoons, but it’s unfortunate to say that the reason he’s this low on the list is because of his passive nature throughout. Yeah he’s caring, and while I wouldn’t want him to become a helicopter parent, I would’ve liked for him to be more active in Steven’s life. Future kinda ruined him for me because the fact that this dude couldn’t try taking him to a doctor and gave the idea that the gems were negligible parents made me too conflicted to say he’s deserved of best parent in cartoons. 

5. Steven

I’ve shit talk this show for plenty of times, but I honestly can’t hate the titular starchild himself. It’s namely the fixed perspective on him that bothers me the most because focusing on him essentially sandbagged everyone else’s development that could’ve been given to them separate from him. And if you think I’m wrong, you’re probably a pathetic fanfic writer. He’s kinda balanced in a way, he has a consistently charming personality, but the story they gave him ranges from “good” to “sucking fucked”. Before Future made a penis kaijuu out of him, I enjoyed his more mature side and I wish we could’ve seen more of that as opposed to one season. All in all, he’s a great protagonist, certainly holds his own, but I wish his story could’ve worked out better.

4. Pearl/Amethyst

 Amethyst’s growth as a character is heavily due to Steven’s influence and in turn she does become the more mature Crystal Gem in that she understands herself enough to carry herself independently. And in turn, this gradually gave her the strength to be there for Steven when no one else could at the time. Pearl didn’t have as similar an impact, but equally makes up in her personality and growth individually. Even with the story around Pink Diamond soiling the bed a little, I still got to see Pearl hold her own with Steven being there to help her have a better outlook for herself and to stop clinging to the past. And she’s the funniest of the original three, don’t @ me. I would’ve added Garnet, but the best arc about her doesn’t even involve her.

3. Spinel

What can I say? She’s the best thing to ever come from this series. She was a great antagonist, a tragic figure that actually earned my respect, and a literal bouncy character that spoke more to me than any other. Can’t help but say she resembled the heart of this show, better and worse. Only reason she’s not number 1 is that I had to wait 4 years, she deserved more than a wack film, and Future basically gave her one episode’s worth of an appearance. But if the only problem is that there wasn’t more of her, you did something right. 

2. Connie

Voice of reason. Sword fighter. Scholar. Otaku. Shit, wHy cOuLdN’t sHe bE tHe pRoTaGoNiSt? Whining aside, I did enjoy how they made her, in contrast to Steven, have a better balancing act between being a Crystal Gem and being a child with parents that actually gave a shit about her future. Her growing into her own after Steven helped her break out of her initially conditioned shell, like Amethyst, her and Steven scratches each other’s back. Wish she did more as a warrior, but they definitely made the most of her being the voice of reason. And yeah, should’ve been the main character instead of Steven, but hey, the creator had a Tumblr. Not the best place to find remarkable ideas or people that aren’t sociopaths disguised as cartoon fanatics.

Honorable Mentions: Lars, Ruby, Yellow Diamond, & Pumpkin

1. Peridot

She’s the most fully realized character in the show. Has her bumps in the latter half of the series, but I can safely say I enjoyed every moment Peridot got. I’d say she became a joke, but the meaningful scenes we get of her make up for it. Her story arc is front and center and is the one character that Future didn’t fuck up with her central episode. Plus she’s green, and as we all know, green characters are generally worth the love and respect they deserve. She isn’t the reason I stuck with Steven Universe, but she is definitely what made this a good series upon everything.

So that’s it. And... if there’s any takeaway from this, it’s that Avatar: the Last Airbender is still better. 

[pink-gemss]

Accidental fusion with spinel infront of the gems, while having those cookout things

omg omg omg I LOVE THIS PROMPT.... And to really get in a kind of mood to write it, I listened to “Echoes of Friendship” from the movie soundtrack on repeat so many times omfg...... ‘Your pov’ doesn't change when you fuse! And I hope I did it some justice!! :’)

“I missed you.”

Spinel turned to you with a look of surprise but it was quickly replaced with a bashful smile. There was a shy laugh in her voice, “Awh, you did?”

“Of course I did! How could I not?” You perked up as she settled in the grass beside you, relishing in the breezy sunset air of Beach City, “We all did.”

Spinel was quiet for a short moment as she studied you. She looked back at the Crystal Gems and the humans as they clustered relatively close together in front of Greg’s van and near the grill on the open beach. You watched her quirk a brow up at them as she studied them all individually for a long moment before she turned her head back to you and gazed at the ground by your feet, “They did? Are you sure? I know they probably still don’t trust me . . .”

You smiled at her, hoping that the small gesture might help her relax, “Of course, Spinel. Everyone here wants to see you happy.”

Her eyes met yours for confirmation and she scrunched her face, glancing away again and blushing like mad. Then she scooted closer to you and leaned her head onto your shoulder, and you reciprocated by resting your head on the top of her’s. She sighed peacefully and you couldn’t help but think to yourself how much happier she seemed now. In the last few months since she first came to Earth, Spinel had grown into a much softer person than she once was. She was still just as lively as she used to be of course, but she only really showed that side of her to the gems (and humans) she grew close with over time. Her relationship with the Diamonds had its ups and downs every so often (which normally resulted in her making surprise visits), but overall she seemed to be growing brighter everyday. And you couldn't be happier for her. (Little did you know, she felt an immense amount of affection for you as well!)

“Hey, guys!” Steven called from behind you. Spinel pulled away and whirled to look at him immediately. He was sitting in the sand between Connie and Amethyst, “What're you doing all the way over there?!”

You let out a laugh, “We were just talking! We’re coming!” Slowly you moved to stand and then you offered the pink gem your hand to help her up as well, “C’mon.”

She gave you another small smile and you felt your chest swell with affection as she took your hand. When you pulled her up she glanced ahead at the others and you broke into a light jog toward them with Spinel following closely behind.

Beside the group, Peridot was using her metal-wielding ability to make a few cans of baked beans hover above a little fire pit she had put together. Lapis sat beside her eagerly watching. She was much better at controlling her ability by now, but when she tried balancing too many at one time, the cans started to wobble in the air and she let out a shriek of alarm when she lost control of a couple of them. Two of them shot randomly to the side and Lapis managed to block one with one of her wings, but the third shot outwards and straight in your direction. She clutched the edges of her visor and let out another shriek of warning.

You didn’t have the time to even blink before you were wrenched away from it’s path in an instant. Spinel’s arms had coiled around you faster than you had ever seen or thought possible, and she herself spun away a few times before coming to a halt and squashing you against her protectively. You looked up at her face as you felt your own cheeks flush, but she glared through slitted eyes back in Peridot’s direction for what didn’t even really feel like a second. After you heard Peridot shriek a jumbled apology, Spinel turned her attention back to you and her expression melted to one of concern.

She was so pretty, honestly. And you couldn’t help but let out a snort at the sight of her so close to you. She looked confused for a short second but soon she wasn’t able to hold in her own laughter and she held you a little closer without even realizing herself. Then without warning, a bright light enveloped your vision and you could almost feel everything melt away and yet become whole at the same time.

A few moments of silence passed before you were confident enough to open your eyes again. At first it seemed like something was glittering in front of your line of sight until your eyes focused in more on the group ahead of you. Gazing at them curiously brought you a random, strong pang of anxiety as they all stared with massive eyes and gaping mouths in complete silence. The quiet that dragged on felt like it was taking forever so you attempted to break it, “W- what?”

As the Crystal Gems continued to stare, Steven suddenly burst with excitement, grabbing his hair in his hands as stars glittered in his eyes, “Ohh myyy GOOOOSH!" Behind him, Garnet beamed with a bright smile and she brought her closed fists to her mouth excitedly. Pearl, Amethyst, Greg, Lion and Connie all stared at your form in amazement (and probably disbelief), and beside them Bismuth, Peridot and Lapis all stared in gaping wonder. Peridot threw a hand out to point at you and she shrieked at Garnet, “How does this keep happening by accident with you people?!”

Some part of you started to squirm uncomfortably at the sight of every single one of them staring right back at you, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it until you looked down at your hands.

Except they weren't your hands.

You let out a yelp of alarm and jumped, checking yourself and your unique new features over and over again before you realized the truth with a jolt, “Oh, holy-” A bright smile covered your face and your eyes lit up with excitement, “We fused!” And suddenly a shiver wracked your form from the inside out and an overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety pulsed through you, pooling in your gems, “We . . . we fused?!” You could feel yourself start to unhinge and at the mix of conflicting new feelings you tried to hold it together at first, but nothing changed the dreadful thoughts that began to flood your thought process. You squeezed your eyes shut but you could still see a brilliant white flash when you quite literally fell apart and crashed back down into the ground a few feet away from each other.

Steven was still exploding with excitement a couple paces away when you used your wobbly arms to push yourself off the grass below you, “Ouch.” You noticed immediately that you felt like yourself again, and that whatever anxiousness you were just experiencing had dissipated completely. You felt fine, in fact you felt wonderful! You had just fused with–

At the mere thought of her, you whirled around in excitement, “Spinel, are you okay?” You smiled at her, but it faded rather quickly when you watched her shiver as she stared back with wide eyes.

She leaned up a bit from her spot in the grass but she was still visibly and noticeably shaken from the experience. She held her face in her hand but her eyes were open behind it and her mouth opened like she wanted to say something, but nothing came out. You moved closer to her and she looked at you with those wide eyes filled with uncertainty, “I’m sorry!” Her voice cracked like it always did when she was under a certain amount of stress.

Immediately you were at her side, gently resting your hands on her arm and on her back, “No no no no, don’t be sorry, why would you be sorry? We fused, Spinel! It’s a nice thing!”

She looked away and slowly pulled away from you again, “Wh- I . . . I’ve never done that before! What if I ruin it again like I did just now?” She clenched her fists and squeezed her eyes shut, “What if I hurt you? Wh– what if–?”

“Spinel,” your voice was gentle but stern and it immediately caught her attention, “It’s okay.” You rubbed circles into her back as the timid gem sucked in a breath, rubbing her left eye in the meantime to wipe away its wateriness. You glanced toward the others who finally looked like they were starting to actually come to terms with the fact that you had just fused with her, but Steven and Garnet were clearing still jittering with excitement. You turned back to Spinel and you let your voice drop down to a softer tone, “We don’t have to do it again if you don’t want to. But . . . thank you for at least trusting me enough to try.”

Her eyes glittered with emotion as she stared at your flushed face. Then her expression softened up a bit and her shoulders relaxed. She reached for your hand and you helped her up, and then neither of you let go once you were standing. Her other arm reached up to the back of her neck and she had a hard time looking you in the eye for a few seconds but when she did, you could see her cheeks light up a bit, “Yeah.”

Another fresh wave of affection pooled in your gem and you pulled her gently in the direction of the others. Spinel closed most of the distance between you two and she coiled her own arm around yours as you made your way back to the group, “Thank you.” Spinel leaned her weight into your side as she murmured the words.

A smile graced your face for the millionth time that night, “Always.”

[starscheme]

Lost Stars

Chapter Three: Some Well Meaning Advice

The next day, Sodalite was determined more than ever to help Lars. Not with the Bakery, but with his ever declining mood. Unfortunately, since she couldn’t let Lars know of her concern, it meant she would have to do this without him. It also meant she would have to seek help from the one that knew Lars best. To her knowledge, that was her Diamond; Steven. 

With all the courage she could muster, Sodalite warped away from little homeworld and ended up inside of Stevens home. She had her eyes closed tight the entire time, anticipating the awful dark cloud that would be hanging over the room, but when she dared to open her eyes, she was pleasantly surprised to see that there was not much there.

“Steven?!” Shouted Spinel from upstairs, apparently triggered by the sound of the warp. However, she was disappointed to see that it wasn’t who she was waiting for when she rushed down the steps. “Sodapop? What are you doing here,” she asked with genuine surprise considering that Sodalite was alone. 

The blue Gem winced a bit, put off by the dark fog that hovered around Spinels Gem. Still, she needed to be brave. This was for Lars. “I-I came to...to speak with My Steven. ...b-but I guess...he’s...not here...?” 

Spinel sighed sadly, “he’s not. He and Garnet needed to speak with the Diamonds about something...and apparently I tend to distract them...so I stayed behind. ...but what did you need?” 

“I just...I thought Steven could-could help since he knows Lars well...and Lars has been...r-rather melancholy lately...” answered Sodalite, deflating a bit when she realized that her courage had not paid off. “S-sorry to have bothered y—“ 

Spinel outstretched her arm and took hold of Sodalite’s hand, pulling the startled Gem from the warp pad and instead to her side. “I can help!” Exclaimed Spinel, excited to have something that might fend off this boredom while she waited for Steven to return. “I know all about Lars and I’m a Spinel, it’s my job to cheer people up!” 

Though Sodalite would have liked to refuse right away, she couldn’t deny that this sort of thing is what Spinels were created for. Perhaps getting advice from a Spinel would work just as well. “...if-if you don’t mind...” mumbled Sodalite with a nervous smile. 

“Ah gee, it’s no trouble,” replied Spinel happily. “Now, what has our pink pal so down?” 

Now this was where Sodalite needed help the most. “I...I’m not sure. Lars insists that nothing is wrong...but I...when he thinks I’m not looking...he gets so down. ...or...he’ll look at me...and he seems...upset. I-I want to help make him happy again. So-so that he smiles like-like before.” 

Spinel listened carefully, tapping her foot lightly as she thought what would help best. Her favorite past time with Lars was to see how much she could get him to freak out, but that wouldn’t help here. Suddenly, she remembered Steven mention something about Lars having a crush on Sodalite. So if Sodalite just did the same things that she did to make Steven happy, wouldn’t it all work out? “I’ve got it,” shouted Spinel, causing Sodalite to flinch in alarm. “Lucky for you, Lars is human and Steven is half human. Since I am an expert at cheering up Steven, I can certainly help you with Lars.” 

Sodalite had become even more hopeful now. After all, Spinel made a good point. “O-okay! So...what do I have to do?” She asked with renewed optimism. 

While Sodalite was receiving Spinels advice, Lars was just finishing up with the latest customer, waiting for them to leave the shop before he reached back to untie his apron. “I’m gonna take a quick break,” he announced to the Off Colors in the kitchen. The Rutile twins taking their place at the front counter as Lars left out the back to get some air. It was nearly noon and he hadn’t heard from Sodalite at all. Usually she was here before he even opened the store waiting for him. When she wasn’t, it often meant that she was too scared to leave her home, or something scared her on the way here and she was hiding somewhere alone. Either way, it threw him off a bit when she wasn’t around. 

“Bad day?” Came a familiar voice from behind. 

Lars turned to look and sure enough, Sadie was peeking from the corner before she stepped out completely with a smile. “Sorry, they said you’d be back here.” 

Even if Lars was happy to see Sadie, it didn’t erase the sting he still felt every time she was around. “It’s fine. Uh, what’s up?” 

“I came by to give you and the others some tickets to our next show. We’re gonna perform before we head out for the others on our tour.” 

“Oh, thanks, I’ll be sure to-“ as Lars reached out for the ticket she offered, he suddenly recalled Sodalite’s aversion to crowds. “—uh...I actually might have to skip this one. ...sorry...” 

“Why’s that?” 

“Well...you know that Gem...you met the other day with me...? She uh...she’s not great in crowds and it sometimes sets off a bad reaction when she gets startled. I wouldn’t want to mess up your show with a sudden black out or anything.” 

“Oh, so if you can’t bring your girlfriend you don’t want to come?” Sadie teased. Though it was in good fun, she couldn’t help being a little hurt that he would skip her show because of something like that. 

“Sh-she’s not my girlfriend!” Lars exclaimed in a bashful panic. “She-I’m just helping her out. She’s scared of...a lot of things and I just happen to be the only one she trusts right now. So...I-she’s just usually always around me. If I went to a concert she would try her best to come along...but I know it’d just scare her. So...yeah...” 

“You’re the only one she trusts? She doesn’t have any other friends?” Sadie asked, a bit confused and now concerned by the situation. “That’s...not very good is it? I mean...what is she gonna do when you leave?” 

“I’m not gonna leave until she is better. I mean...she needs me.” Lars answered, finding this conversation rather awkward. He was uncomfortable talking about Sodalite with Sadie of all people. His feelings were still pretty complicated with the both them. 

“...well...if you say it like that, but...how do you know how long it will take for her to get better? Are you just going to put your life on hold forever? You were so excited about going back into Space before.” 

This was true. Lars did want to go back and explore the stars again. When Sadie left him, he didn’t have much reason to stay on earth. At least, not until Sodalite dropped out of nowhere. In truth, even though he wanted Sadie to be happy, their break up left him feeling rather down on himself. They had both changed for sure, but his feelings for her stayed the same, why didn’t hers? Even though he thought he’d changed for the better, it wasn’t enough for Sadie. It wasn’t enough to keep her. So when Sodalite came around, it was a bit bothersome at first, but after a while, it felt nice to be needed. Maybe he wasn’t ready to let that go yet. “It doesn’t matter. She’s a nice girl and she needs my help. Besides, she’s been working real hard. I think she’ll get better a lot faster than some people think.” 

Sadie didn’t seem convinced. She worried that Lars was once again avoiding something that could be good for him because he was comfortable with what he had now. “But aren’t there a lot of Gems who can help her? Steven too? It doesn’t have to be you.” 

Though Sadie meant to help, her words only struck a raw chord with Lars. He knew that already. In fact, it was just one more thing he worried about. Something he really didn’t like to admit to himself. After all, the only reason that Sodalite was attached to him was because he met her first. If she had stumbled upon any other human at that time, she would be the same with them, wouldn’t she? This thought only made Lars feel selfish. He didn’t really want her to get help from anyone else. He didn’t want Sodalite to change like Sadie had and realize that he wasn’t enough. That there was someone better. This entire conversation was just making him feel sick with himself. He felt as though he were slowly turning back into that selfish jerk he was before. “Y-you know...I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Lars insisted. 

“Lars...I just want you to be happy, that’s all...” admitted Sadie quietly. “You’re...you’ve always been really important to me...” 

His heart felt tight beneath his chest. Why did she have to say things like this? He wasn’t exactly happy hearing something like this from her right now. Not when she was just gonna turn around and be with Shep afterword. Still, he couldn’t change what had already happened. “What? You think Sodalite is holding me back?” Lars asked with a bitter snap in his tone. “As if I suddenly became some kind of saint...” he muttered, turning his gaze to the floor. He suddenly recalled Sodalite’s smiling face, looking at him as if he were something special. Why couldn’t anyone else see how awful he was being? It made him feel even worse. He wasn’t the hero trying to save Sodalite from the tower. He was the villain that kept her locked up there. 

Sadie could see that Lars was getting upset. More so than she thought he would. Truly, she was just thinking of his best interests. Though she realized now that it probably didn’t sound that way. “Wait...I think you may have misunderstood...” she began with a nervous smile, stepping forward and shoving a couple of tickets into his hand. “I’m sure you have good intentions. Just don’t...um...you know, don’t put yourself aside for someone else...” 

For some reason, it almost made him angry to hear that from her. Was she suggesting he just leave Sodalite behind to do what he wanted? As if he didn’t feel selfish enough? “I’m not!” He bit back with flushed cheeks, pushing the tickets back in her hands. “Just mind your own business!” 

The dejected look on Sadies face was all too familiar and it only served to make Lars feel worse. He just couldn’t handle how muddled everything was getting. “Look, I-I’m sorry,” he began with a sigh, running his hand through his hair. “Just...don’t worry about me. Everything is fine, I swear. I’m just kinda tired today.” 

Sadie wanted to say more, but she could tell that Lars had reached his limit. Anything more and he’d just pull back further. “Okay. ...well...I’ll keep the tickets for you if you change your mind. Um...I’ll see you later...” 

“...yeah,” he replied, briskly walking away without looking back. He didn’t want to be cold with Sadie, but it still felt so awkward and he wasn’t sure how to act when things got serious like this. Especially considering he was dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions right now. 

Though he went back inside the bakery, Lars stayed in the back room for a bit. He would have preferred to call it an early day, but he wasn’t sure if Sodalite would be showing up or not. If only she could handle having a phone without freaking out each time the ringer went off. However, just as Lars was trying to figure out some way to contact her, the back door creaked open slowly and Sodalite peeked inside. 

“...th-they said you were back here...” the blue Gem explained as she slowly slipped into the room, but leaving the door open in case he told her to leave. 

Lars was silent, staring up at Sodalite as he sat atop several boxes they kept most of the dry ingredients in. He glanced at the clock, noting that half the day had gone by before she showed up. Where was she until now? Did she get lost? Scared? When he looked back at her, she didn’t seem upset, though she did look rather concerned. Probably because he hadn’t said a word since she came in. 

“...you can shut the door,” said Lars with a sigh. Seeing her here was a relief, but it didn’t help his guilt much after speaking with Sadie. 

“You’re upset...” Sodalite observed as she shut the door. “...what happened?” 

“I’m fine,” he lied quickly. What was he supposed to tell her anyway? That he hated himself for selfishly wanting her to depend on him while deluding himself that it was for her sake? Yeah, that would go over well. 

It was the answer she expected. He never seemed to confide in her when things bothered him. Why not? Was she so useless that he thought there was no point in it? Shaking her head a bit, Sodalite tried not to think negatively on the matter. It’s the whole reason she went for advice. She was determined to make Lars feel better, even if he wouldn’t talk about it. She said nothing as she sat herself down beside him, trying to muster up the courage she needed to make use of Spinels advice. 

“...are you happy?” 

Sodalite was surprised by Lars’ sudden question. What did that have to with how he was feeling? “Happy? ...well...I’m happy when I’m with you,” she answered with a smile.

It’s not like Lars expected a different answer from her. “...what if...” he began, hesitating for a moment when he tried to get to get the words out. It wasn’t really something he wanted to think about either. “...what if it turned out...that I’m not such a good person? What if you found out that I was actually really just a selfish coward who...just didn’t want someone to leave again?” 

Once again, Sodalite found his question strange. It didn’t make much sense to her. When she glanced at Lars’ face, he seemed anxious and almost afraid. Was he worried about her answer? “I don’t understand...” replied Sodalite after contemplating her answer. “...is this what’s been upsetting you? Are you worried that you’ll become these things?” 

Of course she didn’t understand. He already was all these things. Lars shook his head, “forget it...” 

“You’re...the only thing about Earth that I like...” began Sodalite, scooting a bit closer so that she could hug his arm and snuggle her cheek against his shoulder. “I don’t know what’s wrong...but...I’m sure you’re not any of those things...” 

Lars’ chest tightened up and it became difficult to breath all of a sudden. This girl just didn’t know what she was saying. Didn’t she understand that he was taking advantage of her dependence on him? That his intentions were no longer innocent? Even now, with her so close, it would be so simple to turn and hold her. “Sodalite...I’m not a—“ 

Before he could finish, the blue Gem had leaned over a bit more and pressed her lips to his cheek, planting light kisses along his face. 

His cheeks burned beneath her lips and Lars pulled back in an attempt to stop her. “W-Wait...” 

“Why?” Asked Sodalite at once,  only leaning in further to continue. It used to make him smile. Maybe that wasn’t enough anymore? After considering Spinels, Sodalite reached over and placed her palm to his opposite cheek, turning his face towards her before she kissed his lips. 

[hope170]

Okay but like... Spinel being big lesbians for a human she meets-

This one is a bit longer than my others, but whatcha’ gonna do? The muse hit and I had to write. I hope you all enjoy!

Pearl said that she had met many good humans at these “parties”. She insisted it was a perfect place for Spinel to practice her social skills. Steven was quick to agree and Amethyst was more than happy for an excuse to party. So, just like that, they were shoving the poor gem into a car and driving to a house party.

Spinel instantly regretted letting them take her. The whole place was far too loud. The music blared through the speakers and everyone had to shout to each other just to be heard. She tried to stick by Pearl’s side as long as she could, saying hi to anyone who bothered to greet her and forcing a big smile on her face. Still, it wasn’t too long before she had had enough and motioned to Pearl that she would be taking a break outside. Pearl just nodded and the pink gem made a beeline for the door, breathing a sigh of relief when it closed behind her with a thud, instantly muffling the sounds of the party.

She sat on the stairs that led off of the porch, using the time to just sit there and take in the silence, calming herself down. 

She nearly jumped when she noticed there was someone else nearby. She thought she was by herself! But no, she could just make out the figure of someone on the other side of the yard, leaning against one of the trees that lined the property. They appeared to be talking on their phone, their hushed voice only just managing to reach the gem. It sounded tense, angry, but their body remained still, forcing themselves to look casual even as their shoulders tensed.

They ended their call suddenly with an angry world, turning back to the house. 

Spinel tensed up, looking away like she hadn’t just been staring at a complete stranger for the last five minutes. Thankfully, the other person either didn’t notice or didn’t care. They just walked to the porch, leaning against the railing on the far side with an exhausted sigh. Now that they were closer and illuminated by the moonlight, the gem could tell they were a human. A very sad and tired looking human. The moonlight cast deep shadows over her face, cutting lines in that made her look exhausted. The woman tilted her head up, eyes closed as her brows furrowed. 

Spinel didn’t know what she was supposed to do. She felt stuck, frozen in place. She was afraid that if she moved, made even the slightest sound, she would bother the woman and that was the last thing she wanted. So she stayed put, trying not to stare too much and failing miserably. 

The longer they sat there silently the more the gem’s mind worked. She noticed the way the woman’s hair framed her face perfectly and wondered if it was as soft as it looked. She noticed how, at that angle, the moonlight made her skin look so smooth and wondered what she would look like without the furrowed brow. She wondered what she would look like smiling, eyes shining brightly. She wondered what her laugh would sound like. Was it light like little bells or loud and warm like a fire? What did she look like in the sunlight? Did the sun make her hair glow and her eyes shine? 

Spinel abruptly jumped to her feet and forced herself back into the house. She didn’t like how her mind was wandering. She didn’t even know this person! So she searched for the others, finding the three of them in the kitchen, the only place in the house even close to being quiet, at least enough to talk. Steven said hi and Amethyst asked if she was having fun. She put that smile back on her face for them and pretended to enjoy herself. She didn’t want to ruin their fun just because she didn’t like parties. 

They continued their conversation, but she wasn’t really listening. She had come inside in an attempt to distract herself and think about something else, but that did little to help. Her thoughts wandered back to the woman outside. She wondered if she was doing okay.

It wasn’t too much longer before she heard a voice behind her, joyful and boisterous. But it wasn’t quite right. She knew when someone was truly enjoying themselves, knew if the happiness in their words was real. If she was still like her younger self, that childish bundle of energy, she would ignore it. She had a big problem with denial back then, but she knew better now. That voice was fake, a show put on for the sake of others. Like her own smile.

Spinel told herself not to look, she didn’t need to know, but her head turned against her will and she found herself locking eyes with her, the woman from outside, a giant fake smile on her face that didn’t reach her eyes. The gem snapped her head away, body stiffening. Oh stars, she was being a creep. Why couldn’t she stop looking at her? Why couldn’t she stop thinking about her? What was wrong with her? 

“Hey, are you okay?” She managed not to flinch when she felt the hand on her shoulder. It was Steven, a concerned look on his face. She smiled, shrugging him off.

“I’m fine! Was just thinkin’ is all.”

Amethyst had a look on her face, eyes drifting back and forth from the woman to Spinel and back. A smirk spread across her face.

“Ooooooh, I think I know what’s going on.”

Spinel could feel her face heating up but adamantly refused to acknowledge it, just scowling at the purple gem. 

“What?”

“She’s really pretty, huh? I can see why you like her.”

Spinel attempted to stutter out a response, but to her horror, Steven and Pearl were ignoring her in favor of staring at the woman behind her. She tried not to, she really did, but she found herself looking with them. The woman was rummaging through the fridge now, a scowl etched onto her face. It didn’t look right on her, felt far too out of place and ugly. 

Steven had stars in his eyes and nudged the pink gem’s shoulder.

“You should go talk to her!”

Spinel looked appalled at the very suggestion.

“Are ya kidding? She’s just gonna think I’mma creep or something!”

“She’s gonna think you’re more of a creep if you just talk about her when she’s, like, five feet away,” Amethyst said, smirk still plastered on her face. She froze, feeling the eyes that burned through the back of her head. Pearl dragged Steven and Amethyst, both snickering as they went and she was left alone in the kitchen.

With her.

Oh stars, she was screwed. 

At first, she refused to turn around, pretending none of that happened, only moving when she heard the fridge door slam shut and flinched. She could feel the woman’s movements somehow, knew was walking closer, could hear her footsteps on the tile floor. She took in a deep breath and turned around.

She was right there, only a step or two away from the gem. Those beautiful eyes scanned her, looking her over and making her cheeks warm up. 

“Hey.”

It took her several minutes that the word was even spoken, and several more to realize it was aimed at her. 

“Uh… hi,”

Stars, she could hit herself for being so stupid.

But she didn’t, because the woman smiled. It was small, sad, and tired, but it was a real smile. It fit her face perfectly and, somehow, all the anxiety that had built up through the night was suddenly lifted off her shoulders. She was probably making a fool of herself, staring at some stranger like she was, but she couldn’t even bring herself to care what other people might think, because the woman was still smiling at her.

“What’s your name?”

“Spinel.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Y/N. Wanna hang out outside.”

Her breath caught in her throat, but she managed to speak after a pause.

“Yes.”

[infriga]

Well, that was certainly an adventure.

The fandom managed to predict the ending from seeing the monster Steven in the opening in the very beginning, which is honestly hilarious. It didn’t end up being real corruption I don’t think, and he didn’t get any permanent design changes, but that’s alright I guess, that’s what fanfiction is for.

Also I feel like it’s important to point out that Steven himself only ever says he THOUGHT about smashing White’s head into a pillar, not that he TRIED to. Considering he was going off about how he was a horrible person at that moment, and admitted to shattering Jasper, I’m pretty sure if he’d actually been trying to shatter White he would have said so, but instead he just said he thought about it, but didn’t go through with it. So that basically confirms that it was an intrusive thought that resulted in self harm, and not an actual murder attempt like a bunch of people thought it was. Apparently his response to a nasty intrusive thought is to give himself a concussion, which isn’t too nice, but fits his state of mind at the time unfortunately.

I still wish Jasper had gone with him. I feel better about it since they mentioned him visiting his friends who are already outside the city, and meeting up with Connie, so he’s not going to be alone exactly, but I’m still sort of meh about the leaving Beach City thing. They framed it in a way I don’t mind, but I’ve just always felt like he shouldn’t need to leave Beach City permanently to grow. Though who knows, maybe after visiting every state he decide that where he wants to settle down is back in Beach City, but this time he feels more stable and actually moves into his own house or something. I guess that’s what fanfics are for lol.

I’m not gonna lie, I’m tempted to write an AU fic where Jasper goes with him and hijinks ensue, I feel like my biggest issue with the finale is that what happened between them wasn’t really addressed. She obviously still thinks of him as her diamond now, and I’m sure he’s not over what he did to her. Their relationship needs to have the dents hammered out a bit. She’s more tsundere about it than she was before, which I prefer over her just being obedient, but still I wanted more ok. That’s probably my one biggest complaint. At least she seems to be staying at Little Homeworld now, instead of living in the woods, so there’s that.

I did like the finale though. I actually think my favourite part was that when Steven woke up they didn’t really have him talk. He stammered a bit, then just, broke down, and I liked that a lot. also he FINALLY has a therapist, I’m really glad they mentioned that because that’s really all I wanted.

I wish they’d had a bit more time to tell the story, the finale did feel a little more rushed than I would have liked, while his downward spiral was comparatively slow paced, but I think they did well with what they had.

And Steven did get a happy ending thank god, his suffering is finally over.

Him saying goodbye to the b-team was really sweet, all of them sobbing in a group hug, it was great.

I do really like that Steven gave his dad his room, Greg finally gets to live in a house!

Also the fact that we finally got a Connverse on the lips kiss and it was so casual and not some big moment was great too, I liked that.

I liked the scene where everyone was all like “Ah shit, what have we done, we did this to him!” especially the diamonds and Spinel (her description of what Spinel had tried to do to him... Make him die alone on a barren world? wow Spinel Jesus Christ. It was also nice to see White truly see the consequences of her actions and feel genuinely distraught because she cares about Steven, and now she isn’t just doing what Steven wants to make him happy like she seemed to be before, she actually feels bad. but as much as it would have been nice to have 20 minutes of everyone listing their sins that Steven put up with for years, Connie was pretty justified in being like “hey assholes quit making this about your pity party, it’s our turn to help Steven for once.” Also the cluster holding Steven’s hand was great that shit was adorable.

It was a very Steven Universe ending, despite Future feeling so different from the original series and deconstructing so much of it, so even though I have some nitpicks, overall I’m satisfied with how it ended. I’m not the biggest fan of a “Steven leaves” ending, but they framed it in a way that I don’t mind quite as much, by showing that he won’t be alone the whole trip, and he’s visiting friends, and Connie will be joining him at times it sounded like. And above all, thank god Steven finally got the attention and love and hugs he deserved, AND A THERAPIST, that’s good enough for me.

I’ve been in a lot of different fandoms for a lot of different series, many which ended while I was in them, many which had already ended a long time ago. Whether the fandom thrives for a long while after the ending is entirely dependent on the fans. Some fandoms have survived long long after their show left this mortal coil, willingly or not, some have died down but maintained a core group of forever fans, some died a quiet, and sad, death. I feel like this fandom has been training for this situation with the hiatuses, SU being over doesn’t have to mean that the fandom isn’t still booming for a long time to come, so I’m confident that there will be lots to see, read, watch, and discuss for a long time to come.