#i think she eventually tells josie bc she Trusts josie but thats about it

[martyrmarked]

i think that, once it's made clear what they are, who they were, she carefully, gently wraps the oculara and takes them back to skyhold to be buried. she doesn't tell anyone this outside of the immediate inner circle because no one really needs to know, that isn't the point, but she wants to ensure they find some rest and the only place she knows will be safe is skyhold.

she asks viv, solas & dorian to help her and buries them in the quietest corner of skyhold's garden.

[bwopo-blog]

ok i really need to ta lk about everything thats happpened last night and this morning this is really  loing and im sorry

i dont even know where to start but yall know that yesterday wasa my biirthday party and blah blah i had austin, josie, em, and baylee there and it was going pretty good for the most part. i dont really remember much right now because im cactually really not feeling that geeat and dissociating a bit but my mom and her boyfriend got incredibly angry at me fo r trying to connect my friends phones to the internet bc recently we’ve been having internet probl ems but i didn tknow that i was doing something wrong and they were pissed at me.... then a bit after th at my mom wanted to talk to me again so she wanted me to come down stairs and thats when i fell so im still shaken up about that too. when i got the chance to speak with her afterwards she was telling me to Keep It PG Or Else She’s Going To Kick People Out and i was like...... ok???? i mean... baylee is a little colorful with her language and she can be a bit touchy so i thought that was what my mom meant so i told my friends we needed to tone it down a bit and we did and everything was fine. but then like later that night.. around 2-3am i think me, austin, and josie were still up and just finished watching the road to el dorado. for some reason josie was crying and everything was silent and austin was comforting josie (because she is josies girlfriend) and eventually we started watching re: degeneration and i fell asleep shortly thereafter. when we were all awake in the morning my mom angrily told me she wanted to talk to me??????? so i was like ok.. i followed her into her room and she... was accusing austin and josie of doing incredibly inappropriate things in my bedroom. and she told me to stop acting like i didnt know what she was talking about. i was so fuckicngg furious and i still am. my friends woul d never fucking do th at to me!!!!!!!! and she was saying like “you guys have been really testing my kindness. austin and josie cant spend the night together here anymore” and then she got upset with me for having the door closed while with my friends which really confused me because shes never had a problem withthat before... and im 100% positive she and jake thought that josies crying and austin and josie trying to get comfortable on the floor to fu ccking sleep was something else. so when i left the room shaking i went back into the room me and my friends were in and i broke down sobbing and told them all of the things that happened and i asked them if they were in my room and they said no. and obviously i believe them and i have a good reason to. my friends are responsible people and they would never do anything to hurt m e like that. not to mentio n we’re all awkward as fuck why cant my mom just fucking trust me this makes no sense. why would i be friends with people he who u ld betray me like that. why?? why do my pa rntes not fuckcing truu s tme ive done n othing wrong WE did nothging wrong and then  like apparently this fu kc ing afternoon while i was on my laptop with em and baylee my mom sent me a skype message from her fuckcing room 

which i didnt see becau se i was loogged out but i got it right before i started ma king this post and im sobbing| why ??? do th ey do th is tio me???? like i know its silly to be upset but they always accuse me of things and refuse to hear my side and be grown up ab out it. i appreciate my parents but they test me so fucking much and theyve hurt me so much in the past and i honetlslty cant trust th em with anything. i never have. im so terrriifed of m y p ar ents im so anxious and para noid that ifi leave my laptop unattended she mi ght look thr ough it  i didn t do an ything w rong  im so fu ckcing s tu pid

[magical-agatha]

vent

i hate you because you told me i mattered and you said you care about me. you even kept checking up with josie how i was. which made me think you cared. i fell for it. i dont think you meant to trick me. i think you genuinely think you're doing the right thing. but you never asked me. instead you cut ties with me after treating me like shit for months, then i made a tonne of compromises and practically begged you to agree to try and fix things. and you agreed. then a few weeks later you cut ties again. basically you were reteaching me a lesson i had unlearnt. something i had been taught my whole life. by my mother and my family and countless peers and friends. you taught me i was worthless. after i had started to value myself. first you taught me i was irrational and hysterical and my emotions were unreasonable. that i was unreasonable for being upset that you treated me like shit. and you tell me im important to you. tell me you care about me. that im family. then you cut me out of your life?? because i got sick of being treated badly and i tried to talk to you about it but you insisted it was my fault for being hurt. i tried so hard to fix things and i even gave up expecting you to change. i just wanted to be on good terms with you bc being on bad terms with you was ruining my life and hurting both me and josie a lot. eventually you agreed. we said blank slate. i had stopped caring about what you did. i wanted to move on. but you decided by yourself to cut ties again. because you think its whats best for me or something. it just dug everything back up and made me feel worthless again. it made me hate myself. i had suicidal thoughts trying to get into my head last night because i couldnt stop thinking about how much you hurt me. because i hated myself. because it would be easier to believe that it was my fault. that i am in fact worthless.

its easier to believe im worthless and i deserved it. bc the alternative is accepting that almost all the people in my life who i was supposed to be able to trust, almost all of them just treated me like shit or abused me. and thats so fucked. what did i do to deserve that! nothing. they did it cuz i was vulnerable. because they lied when they said they cared. cuz it was easier to abuse me or hurt me than actually put even the most minimal effort into being what they were supposed to be. my mother was supposed to love me and support me, but it was easier to neglect me and blame me for my own problems and medicate me and force me to do what she wanted. all my friends growing up decided rather than respecting me despite my weird behaviour! it was more fun to manipulate me and laugh at me. my ex girlfriend decided gaslighting me, manipulating me, guilt tripping me, and ofc sexually abusing me was the best way to treat me. and you decided that the best way to treat me, your friend, yoir family, someone who thought the workd of you, you thought it was best to follow the trend i guess, and treated me like i was a problem, an annoyance, you were constantly rude to me and whenever i spoke up about it you blamed my mental illness. i told you incredibly personal information because i thought i could trust you about my mental illness and the abuse i suffered. and your choice was to use that information to blame me for being hurt and tell me i was irrational and unreasonable. and when josie got involved and we really pressed you on what you did wrong you just decided to blame me and eventually to cut ties with me, forcing me out of our friend group. it was funny bc i was struggling to believe any of them liked me. and they all seem to have forgotten about me. so its fine. i dont care. you're right, im worthless.