#i think she either ate something off the sidewalk when we walked and it didnt see it

[jacqcrisis]

Every time Chili ruins something, I have to take a moment to calm down cause I tend to get unreasonably angry very quickly and need to logic my way back to baseline by reminding myself of two things:

A) so far, objects needing to be thrown out/intensely cleaned due to dog have mostly been involuntary ruined due to sickness: her bladder infection when I first got her to just now as she regurgitated all over three (cheap) rugs

B) she has still cost me less money with a couple of wrecked dog beds and rugs than if I had bought a puppy as was my original plan for dog ownership, who would've wrecked way more shit by now along being attached to a potential 2k price tag.

I got a great dog who came mostly pre-trained, who only destroys her stuffies and tennis balls, who never makes any noise save to cry at me when I don't let her sleep in my lap, and who only cost me 100 bucks at the shelter. She can ruin 40 fifty dollar rugs and I'd still come out on top.

[anythingandeverything1d]

Moving On

Cheating Cheated

Tom smiled kissing you softly one more time before turning around to leave. He nodded his head to Harry as he walked past and waved from the car as he drove away. You took a deep breath, standing in the cold air. Harry stood a few feet away from you fuming. His eyes were glaring into yours and he looked almost as if his body was shaking. You waited for him to say something but he simply turned around, and walked back towards the sidewalk. You were suddenly terrified. Terrified that Harry was going to leave and never come back. That this was going to be the end of everything between the two of you. It was as if everything you loved was walking away in that exact moment and that made you feel like dying. You felt the energy drain from your body and you felt the anxiety replacing it. Your heart rate dropped and then rapidly sped up. “Harry” you reached out, grabbing the sleeve of his hoody. He looked at you, tears in his eyes and shook his head.

“Just stop.” He shook free of your grip and walked forward another step.

“Harry don't go please.” you cried reaching out again. Your face was now soaked with tears, snot dripping down your nose, and you were struggling to breathe normally. “Don't leave please.”

Harry looked at you with a pained expression. “Why wouldn't I leave...clearly youve moved on.”

“No-Harry its not- its not what it looks like.”

“You kissed him.”

“He kissed me. And that was our first date, it doesn't even count.” You needed him to stop and understand. You needed him to understand that you needed him.

“First date? So you are trying to move on though.”

“No, yes...Your sister set me up with him okay? She said a distraction would be good. I-I thought that I needed to move on to heal from everything with you.” You sat down on the step and buried your face in your hands, your body shaking from the sobs. 

Harry sighed giving in and sitting next to you. You shivered while trying to control yourself, the air was cold and your cheeks felt like they were freezing thanks to all the tears. Harry took off his jacket and handed it to you. You shook your head but he insisted so you pulled it on over your head, breathing in his warm sweet smell. It took you back to one of your favorite memories with Harry early on in your relationship.

*You were digging through Harry’s drawers trying to find something to wear. You had spilled food down the front of your shirt, leaving it stained and very wet. Harry had said to go up and pick whatever, and that was a big decision. You looked at almost every shirt he owned, along with jackets and hoodies. He had so many good options to choose from. You had decided on his baggy grey sweatshirt that said damn. You took off your shirt and bra, tossing them into the laundry and pulled the hoody on over you. It was far too big to fit you, it went almost to your knees but it was comfy, warm, and smelled just like him. You had wandered down the stairs and Harry’s eyes had been glued to you. “Damn.” you smiled and spun in a circle. He stood up twirling you again before pulling you into his arms. 

“How do I look?” you asked posing in the hoodie. 

“You look like you pull it off far more than I ever could.”

“Thats not true babe. You definitely wear it better.”

He bit his lip and shook his head, causing you to smile and blush. “(y/n) Im not going to lie, theres just something about this that turns me on..” He kissed your lips, biting your bottom lip and tugging. You moaned into the kiss and Harry’s hands wandered under the hoodie to wear your chest was. He trailed his fingers across your boobs with a smile. “Fuck baby..if I would've known how hot you were in my clothes, I would've given them to you so much much sooner.” He lifted you off the ground and carried you into bed, his lips not leaving yours, and the hoodie not leaving your body. Harry laid you down, tearing his shirt off and throwing it to the floor. His pants went next before tugging your shorts down you legs. You pulled him back to you, your lips brushing against his, his hands exploring under the hoodie. He had whispered “I love you” against the kiss, before*

“(y/n)..” Harry pulled you from your thoughts. You hugged yourself crying again and Harry opened his arms. You climbed into them, hugging him tight while you tried to calm yourself down. He buried his chin into your shoulder as you sat on his lap, tears still falling down your cheeks. He rubbed your back in small circles and eventually you were able to breathe again. You didn't dare move though, the fear of him leaving again was too much to handle. Unfortunately he moved, pushing you off his lap and to your feet before while standing up as well. You started crying again and he hugged you. “Shh its okay. I just thought we should probably move inside before you sick from the cold air..”

“You're not leaving?” you wiped your nose with his sleeve.

“Not unless you want me too.”

You were crying harder, “Don't go, please Harry don't leave.” He shook his head assuring you he wasn't leaving before grabbing your hand and pulling you inside. Once inside he made you both cups of hot chocolate, wrapped you in a blanket and sat you on the couch. You quietly sipped the hot coco, staring at the floor motionless. Harry had sat next to you then moved away before awkwardly moving back to his original seat. You leaned back against him, tucking your face into the side of his arm. He moved, placing his arm around your shoulders and pulling you into a sideways hug. You were finally breathing normal again and looked up at him. He was watching you carefully and quietly, not sure what to do or say either. You didn’t want anything to ruin the moment, and more importantly you didn't want him to leave. 

Harry cleared his throat awkwardly, “uh..” Harry was stumbling with what to say, he ended up not saying anything and just shaking his head slightly while looking around. “Didn't someone clean the apartment earlier?” He looked at the pile of clothes, the food left in the kitchen, your things just scattered everywhere. You nodded your head and look at you confused. “Is this how they cleaned it?”

“No it was clean, I guess the day just got away from me and I didn't have time to reclean it...” Harry was shocked. You were not a messy person, like ever. You always kept things pristine and neatly organized. It drove Harry crazy while being endearing at the same time. Harry decided to drop that subject and with a loud sigh he pushed you slightly away so that he was turned facing you. You bit your lip unsure of what to say or do in response.

“(y/n) what is this? What are we doing?”

“I don't know...”

“If you really want to move on with- with Tom..”

“You know Tom?”

“Well he's Tom Holland, and you know I love superhero movies. He's Spiderman, kind of plays a big role in the Marvel world..I don't personally know him though.” You nodded, of course he would know who he was, most people probably would.  “But that's besides the point. If you think moving on with someone else is what you need-” 

The fear of losing Harry ate away at your stomach. “I can't lose you Harry.”

Harry sighed and grabbed your hand, placing a gentle kiss on your wrist. “Baby you'll never lose me, ever. If you want me around I’ll be here but-”

“But?”

“But I think maybe we should just be friends?”

“Friends? You want to be just friends?”

“Well no, but look..(y/n) you need time to fully forgive me. Clearly if youre going out on dates a part of you still doesn't want to be with me. I want all of you, and I want all of you to want to be with me..”

You didn't say anything, you were trying to imagine what being just friends with Harry looked like. You were never just friends, friends with benefits yes, but not just friends. You bit down on your lip again, shaking your head. “I don't know Harry..”

“Baby we can make being friends work okay? I need you in my life just as much as you want me in yours. But I- I want you to be ready to fully forgive me. Are you ready to do that now?”

You shook your head. You knew as much as you wanted Harry, you didn't want him. You knew that you wanted to forgive him but also weren't ready and you knew that there was no way you could give Harry everything he wanted right now from a relationship. You sighed and looked down, tears in your eyes. You didnt like the decision but you knew it was right. You let Harry pull you onto his lap and you let yourself sit there for a few minutes snuggling before getting up awkwardly. “I think-I think I need to go to bed..”

Harry stood up sadly and looked at the floor nodding. “I should probably be going home too..” You nodded and he walked over pulling you into a tight hug. You clung to him for life, breathing slowly and holding back tears. “Uh friends do hug right?” he stepped back a little. 

“Yeah, friends hug...” he smiled and hugged you again, placing a warm kiss on the top of your head, just the way you liked.

“Well...friend....I’ll uh, I’ll talk to you later?” he said it like a question and you smiled. 

“Yeah, we’ll talk later.” He smiled back walking to the door. “Harry wait!” you nearly shouted at him. “Your hoodie..” You were still in his hoodie, and were kind of reluctantly wanting to take it off. 

“Keep it, looks better on you anyways.” He grinned before walking out and closing the door behind him. You gripped the sleeves of the hoodie and smiled. Maybe this whole thing would work after all. 

A few weeks had gone by since you and Harry had the “friends only” talk. You had continued to go out with Tom, while attempting to be Harry’s friend. You thought it was getting easier....but then your mind flashed back to the other night when Harry had come over for dinner. The two of you had decided to make Mac and cheese, but not boxed Mac and cheese, homemade Mac and cheese. Somehow, in the process of talking about adding cheeses to the pot, you had ended up locked in an embrace, your butt on the counter, hands in his hair, his hands on your waist, your foreheads leaning against each others ....you shook your head. No, being friends with Harry was definitely working. “Knock knock.” Harry’s voice called into the room.

“Who's there?” you immediately responded without looking up at him. You were already accustomed to his terrible knock knock jokes and weren't surprise he was starting the conversation off with one.

“Me, silly.” Harry said with a smile.

“Oh.” you said a little confused.

“I mean I can go if youre not happy I’m here...”

“No, that's not what I meant. I just thought you were telling a joke not announcing your presence.” Harry laughed and you smiled, looking up at him.

“I can tell you a joke if you want-”

“No, that's okay really.” you laughed. You stood up and hugged him tightly, his arms wrapping around your body. “Whatcha up to?”

“Nothing, I was hoping we could hang out again?” You bit your lip and looked down. Harry reading the situation also added, “I mean if you have plans..”

“I mean...Tom was going to come over and hang out, but you two could hang out together....” you suggested. Harry looked upset and torn.

“Uh, I think I’ll pass...I’ll just go to Gemma’s and see what's she's up to instead.” Harry hugged you one more time before walking out the door and you sat down on the couch slightly disappointed he was leaving. Part of you wanted to cancel on Tom but you knew that the day wouldn't be as fun if Harry was thinking of what you would have been doing had he come. Every time you and Harry had hung out, you felt yourself falling more and more. It was getting to the point where you stayed up all night just texting him and laughing at jokes he told. You also felt a little piece of you leave every time he walked out the door. You weren't really sure if that's how friendships were supposed to feel with guys you had once dated..

“Hey love.” Tom smiled while walking into the room. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.” you said your face burning red and you getting up to hug him. Hugging Tom was different as well. He was much smaller than Harry, both physically and height wise. He also smelled different. Harry smelled like a masculine vanilla, Tom smelled like fruit. 

“Well, I brought some movies to watch today if you wanted?” “Yeah, that's great. What movies?”

“Well I figured its finally time for you to watch SpiderMan.” You laughed and shook your head. Is it now? He nodded, settling on the couch and patting the seat beside him. You sat next to him as he set up the movie. You couldn't help compare the two situations. Cuddling with Harry was the warmest thing ever. The way he held onto you, played with your hair or fingers, the way his chest moved when he laughed, the dimples when he looked at you at a cute part, how he hummed to the music in the movie, how he knocked your feet off the table just so you would have to lay them on top of his, everything just seemed to fit perfectly together. With Tom, it was an awkward kind of cuddle. He didn't know where to put his hands, how to hold you properly, and he was a little bony so it wasn't the most comfortable thing to lay against him. 

Throughout the movie, Tom would tell stories about filming that scene and all the craziness that went into it. It was nice, it just wasnt helping you watch the movie for what it was. About halfway through there was a knock at your door, you stood up in the middle of Toms story about hanging upside while being tied to a crane. You opened the door and there stood Harry, a nervous smile on his face. “Uh mind if I join?” he asked shifting his feet around on the floor. You smiled and jumped onto him with a hug. He seemed a little surprised but hugged you tightly nonetheless. You led him into the living room with a smile.

“Look who decided to join movie night.”

“Ah Harry, good to see you mate. Hope you like SpiderMan.” Tom stood up shaking his hand.

“I love it.” Harry answered, settling onto the other end of the couch. Tom also sat down back in his seat, and you awkwardly sat in the middle. Your couch wasnt small but it definitely felt small sitting in the middle of Harry and Tom. You knew you needed to pick a side to lean. Your body wanted to lean towards Harry, but your mind said to lean towards Tom. You settled with neither. You crossed your arms across your chest, leaned back with your feet on the table in front of you, very aware of the gestures each guy was making towards you. Tom had his hand awkwardly up next to yours. Harry’s feet kept edging towards yours and he had a smart ass grin on his face. You kept your eyes on the tv the rest of the movie. When it finished, Tom’s phone rang and he quickly excused himself from the room to answer it. Harry took that as his opportunity. He knocked your feet to floor with an unapologetic smile. “Oh sorry, were your feet comfortable there?”

You shook your head with a smile, knocking his feet off to the side. He took that as an invitation to continue his games. He knocked your feet over, scooting closer to your body. You knocked his feet off again in response. Harry’s next move surprised you. Instead of knocking your feet off, he pushed you gently over on the couch with a “what are you going to do about it look”. You laughed and grabbed him, pulling him with you as the two of you tumbled off the couch and onto the floor. Harry laughed hard, his body now laying over yours, your back on the floor and his arms at the sides of your head keeping him up so he didn't squish you with his weight. You laughed in response and then froze. He was staring at you, you were staring at his lips. He leaned in a little more, and you continued staring. He moved down a little more and you couldn't hold it back anymore. You put your lips to his, connecting with him like a magnet. He pressed harder into you, laying down a little more, deepening the kiss. He nibbled at your bottom lip and you opened your mouth, allowing his tongue to swirl around yours. After a minute you were both out of breath and confused. Harry rolled off you and onto his back. You were both breathing hard, not looking at each other. Harry’s hand grabbed your fingers and you gripped his hand. After another minute you sat up very confused and guilty. Tom came back in and announced he had to run to an emergency meeting. He pressed a kiss to your cheek before running out the door with a goodbye. Harry sat up and looked at you, you boldly returned the gaze. “Uh” you started but he shook his head.

“I should get going..”

“Yeah maybe that's, maybe that's a good decision..” He nodded standing up, reaching his hands down and pulling you to his feet next to him. You walked him to the door, and he stood there not opening it. He was staring at your lips again. You looked up catching his eyes and he went for it. He grabbed your hand and pulled you into him. He lifted you up, your legs wrapping around his waist. His lips were locked on yours, your head was spinning yet you felt it was clearer than it had been in weeks. He turned and pressed your back into the front door. Your fingers were tangled in his hair when you took it a step farther. You gently bit down on his lip, pulling back and looking at him. He groaned and carried you into the bedroom, dropping you gently onto the edge of the bed. Harry kicked off his shoes, he went for the pants as well, but you pulled him to you, his body between your legs his lips on yours. He pulled the t-shirt over you head and kissed down your neck while unclipping your bra and tossing it to the floor. You sucked in a breath as his tongue played around the tender skin of your chest. You leaned into him, pulling his shirt over his head. His fingers trailed their way down your stomach to your hips, he tugged at the sweatpants waist band and slipped his hands underneath them. Your head fell into his, his lips playing games with yours. His fingers tugged at the lace on your panties, your breath catching. You bit down on his already swollen lip and he groaned falling into you and pushing your back onto the bed. “Harry..” you groaned trying to catch your breath. You could feel the bulge in his pants pressing into you and you gripped the bare skin on his back, your nails falling down his back.

“(y/n)” Harry breathed down your neck as you pulled his lips to yours. “If you want me to stop-”

“Dont stop” you mumbled kissing him again. You weren't thinking straight, you weren't really thinking at all. All you knew is that you wanted Harry. He dropped his pants and climbed into the bed with you, tugging your pants and panties off. He gripped your hands in his, his lips against yours. Harry moved closer to you, you could feel his length press against your body and your breath stopped. “Harry” you whined as he teased you, kissing his way down your body, your back arching the lower he got. “Stop teasing.”

He breathily laughed, returning his lips to yours and pressing his length into you. Harry rocked his hips against yours, you groaning and holding onto him tightly. Harry moved faster and groaned dropping his head to your chest. “Im close, Im going to need to pull-”

“Just do it-” you breathed trying to rub your hips against his. Harry pushed deeper in and froze, letting go. He breathed heavily against your lips and you kissed them slowly. Harry slowly pulled out, collapsing onto his back. He reached his arm out and pulled you against his chest. You were both catching your breath when youre phone rang. Gemmas name flashed across the screen and you jumped up, throwing a shirt off your floor on and answering. “Hey Gem.”

“Why are you out of breath?” she asked laughing.

“Uh just ran up the stairs..” you lied looking at Harry who raised an eyebrow in your direction.

“Well okay. Is Harry still over there by chance? I want him to meet Mical while he's here but he's not answering his phone and I know he went over to hang out with you and Tom..”

“Yeah, yeah Harry’s here. Here you can talk to him.” you handed him the phone and breathed out. Looking around for your pants. 

“What?” Harry asked still catching his breath.

“Are you out of breath too?” Gemma asked confused. “Wait- are there even stairs to run up-”

“Gemma what do you want.” Harry asked and you gave him a warning look.

“I want you to come meet Mical.”

“I don't want to.”

“Harry.”

“Gemma.”

“I want you to meet Mical and I want you to meet him today.”

“But-”

“No buts theres no excuse.”

“Ugh.”

“Great. I’ll see you soon. I love you!” She said before hanging up. Harry tossed you his phone and you laughed. “Shut up.”

“Hes a nice guy Harry.”

“Yeah I’m sure.” You rolled your eyes and tossed him his shirt. 

“I think you’ll like him.” 

“Youre coming with me.”

“What? No-”

“Oh yeah. You’ve already met him and Im going to need my gi- my friend to help me stay calm because I know I’m not going to like him. So get dressed because you can't wear my clothes to her house.” He smirked and added, “even though you definitely pull off the look.” You rolled your eyes and groaned knowing very well you needed to go and help him through. He laughed knowing he won. “I kind of like the friend card.”

---

So I have one more part planned for this series! I hope you are all enjoying it! What do you think is going to happen?

xoxo

[pbandjesse]

Today was a better day. My back hurts from leaning over and working. But I will take a shower and an aspirin soon and things will be okay. Emotionally I am feeling okay. But I might just be in denial about the state of the world. You know. The pandemic and all. 

I slept okay last night. I woke up and James came and laid with me for a few minutes. He made the bed so I didnt have to rush. I got washed up and dressed and felt pretty good. I am glad I wore an extra shirt because man. It got really cold all of a sudden. I didnt grab a jacket and that was a mistake. 

I headed to work and got there on time. We had some new kids today. A younger, sibling pair. Very sweet. But they were the only ones there until almost noon! Wild. I dont know why the twins didnt come in. But The sisters did. And it was a nice day. 

I mostly read. I did a little sewing but my heart wasnt in it. And while the one girl asked to bead she was supposed to be working so I couldnt say yes. Honestly everyone was a little distracted by art today. But as long as they get the work done I am only mildly concerned. I cant focus on someone just talking at me either so I just gotta make sure thats their learning style. 

We did go outside. It was just really windy. But we played with the long board I brought. Rode it down the grassy hill. We tried it on the sidewalk but you got to fast and then we had to go inside when one of them rode over their own finger.  My only rule was dont get hurt and they didnt follow it! So we went inside and I cleaned her up and got her bandaided. 

We stayed inside for a little while. I was just cold. But the kids wanted to go out. I ended up suggesting building a stick fort and they were super into that. And that was a lot of fun. I didnt get a better picture of it after the half hour of building. I hope it is still there tomorrow. It was a lot of fun. 

I also built with legos with the youngest boy. I made a cat and told him to make a friend for it while I ran to the hallway to listen to the government announcement in the hallway. They have moved us back to a red zone. Its getting worse. I texted Jess and she told me they are locking philly back down. All restaurants and gyms and museums and libraries are closed as of friday. Were not there yet but I honestly think by next week we will be. Right now they are just putting capacity restrictions in place again, and giving curfews for resturants and bars, so they have to close at 10pm. I dont think it goes far enough honestly. But well see what happens I guess. I just keep hand sanitizing the kids and making sure we have masks on. But its hard. Like emotionally this is taking a toll. I miss my parents. 

I was sort of chomping at the bit to leave. So off I went. And after a pit stop at tacobell I went right home. 

When I got back here I found our front door open? I know the upstairs people are moving or something but it made me feel a little unsafe. I dont know. I just closed it and hoped for the best. 

I had my late lunch and played some games. Got to work on some studio stuff. Not a lot. I did get to play around with the free motion foot and I am super excited with the progress. The front looks good but honestly the back is my favorite part. I am pretty excited to try more thread drawing. 

The sun went down and I was thinking about walking to the store. Eventually I decided to go over to the walgreens even though it felt like it was so late at night. At 615pm. 

It was a nice walk. I got a few things. Mostly just walked around. Looking at stuff. And then I went home. 

I worked on the commission frogs I have. Talked with the person who commissioned me and realized I had messed up the colors. Oops. So I fixed them and recut the fabrics. They kept apologizing and I was ike. No it was my fault!! And not a big deal at all. But my back hurt so I took a break. Made ramen. Forgot about the ramen. Ate it an hour later. 

I went through my camping bag again. Made sure I had enough layers and socks and tights. I am pretty pleased and looking at the weather forecast I think its going to be really good. 

Now I am just sitting the the kitchen texting with Jess. I am ready to go take a shower, take my nail polish off, and lay down. Wait for my boyfriend to get home. And I hope its just a nice night. 

Take care of yourselves everyone. Sleep good. Wash your hands.