#i think otherwise it's fine but like. oh my god the stuff thats happened or nearly happened

[kulliare]

i knoww there's that post going around where it's like 20s are a weird age bc ppl are so obvs at diff stages but fr it does feel weird when u feel like u never quite developed but ur friends are considering a poly relationship when their own relationship isn't going great

[divinecomedyproductions]

Fandom Woes: Self-Righteousness of Modern Tragedy

I think I want to explain my case better about my beef with modern tragic/more-bitter-than-sweet fantasy/sci-fi, such as RWBY, Code Geass, and D.Gray-Man and it’s not necessarily the stories in of themselves

It’s the Self-Righteous Martyr/God-Complex of toxic contingent within these fandoms, to me they seem to ultimately not care the message the tragedy and suffering of these stories are trying to convey, but rather enjoy them and flaunt them for their own self-righteous megalomania

And I know that sounds hyperbolic, but it’s the tone, attitude and behavior of these people that give me that impression

For example with Code Geass and RWBY and the tragic deaths of Euphemia Li Britannia, Shirley Fenette, Lelouch, Pyrrha, and Penny respectively

As soon as that happened, many among the fandom would come out and theatrically proclaim the necessity of these tragic deaths, how it is so realistic an shows “thats life”, and brag how ultimately hopeful the stories still are and how it taught them how to be oh-so hopeful despite the odds, and I can see them act that way towards the burden of Allen Walker if the fandom was still active today as it was back then.

In any these cases, these people act as if they themselves were righteous martyrs, prophets of God,Life,Reality, usually the latter two because they claim "that's life" or "that's reality" all in a tone that reeks of holier-than-thou arrogance and vanity...

"Of my virtue, I am justly proud..."

Or worse, they speak with ghoulish glee and bragging about it gives them a feeling of power over these fictional characters as if they themselves are God almighty and it bleeds into how they treat real people who didn't like it by passive aggressively or belligerently belittling, judging, shaming, gaslighting, and sneering at them, implying the worse reasons of their distaste, and tell them to go watch a sitcom or slice-of-life anime or something

Then they are quick to condemn other fictional characters like Suzaku from Code Geass for being such a SOB and cheer on Watts putting Cinder on Full Blast, all while implying themselves to be such better people than both

Then they brag about what story was told with these ideas and concepts to be the end-all-be-all of these concepts in any fantasy/sci-fi epics that have even the slightest tinge of darkness and conflict and, lock them down into little theories, formulas, dogmas, and rule out everything else as a corruption, heresy, or a worthless little parasite, because they themselves are the infallible, all-knowing, and all-seeing “literary experts” who got everything all figured out and everyone else, wether the majority or minority, as peon reprobates.

Which then they pressure onto creatives with less power than them, especially when they disagree. All while they themselves can do whatever they want and do whatever they want with things they are unhappy with because “we know better than you”

I have experienced this expressing my ideas of what RWBY could have been instead, AU and Original work and been told it could only work as a slice of life anymore or a sitcom, or otherwise what I do with this stuff is ultimately meaningless and heresy and spiteful

All while they supported things like His Dark Materials Trilogy which is the Anti-Narnia written by a Atheist who hates CS Lewis and Christianity with a passion because he made the concepts more “interesting”

Or how making a sexy magical Captain Marvel with her own sailor scouts like Kamen America and her Kamen Corps because the creators were unhappy with what was done with the concept of Captain Marvel is nothing but a "Porno Captain Marvel Rip-Off"

while making an evil superman like Homelander and other nasty rendition of superheroes in "The Boys" by a guy who despises superheroes is totally fine because he knows what's the "interesting" end-all-be-all of these concepts.

All these things I describe can be summed up to figures in the Bible, The Pharisees

“They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.”-Matthew 23:4

They brag about the virtues and necessity of tragedy at the expense of fictional characters and real people, and boss around other creatives on what they do with this stuff, especially when they are unhappy, all whilst they themselves do whatever they want because they are supposedly so “objective”, they don’t need to follow the rules like everyone else

These prigs will tell others to “broaden their horizons” and give them the benefit of the doubt, but will refuse to give others the exact same courtesy because once again, “We know better than you.”

These self righteous people seem to only enjoy these stories not because of the message the tragedy and suffering is trying to convey, thats just a shield for them, but rather for their moral superiority and the thrill of power over others and being the measure of all things, for they know how life exactly works for specific individuals in specific genres and they know how to carry it out exactly.

They know with a "G"(gnosis) what's the end-all-be-all of specific concepts in ideas in specific genres and how to carry them out and they alone are the alchemists who can turn lead in to gold and everyone else is subjective and suffer from false consciousness.

In fact, I compare them to Digory’s Uncle Andrew in The Magician’s Nephew who though he could control other people by using their values against them to get them to do what he wants, while he himself doesn’t need to follow the rules, and basked in self congratulation of being a “great magician”

“Men like me, who possess hidden wisdom, are freed from common rules just as we are cut off from common pleasures. Ours, my boy, is a high and lonely destiny.”

And while we’re at it and Code Geass is on the table, let me point to one of the antagonists of Akito The Exiled, Gene Smilas

He was the mentor and surrogate parent of Lelia Macal who sought to bring Europe to a brighter future, often invoking the tale of the venerable St.Joan of Arc.

But when the time came to supposedly save EU, did he bet on his own life like the Saint did?

No.

He decided to position himself as God and Lelia as Joan of Arc, planning for her to die as a martyr for his own gain and become Emperor of Europe, because she happened to be a young lady with good morals who wasn't afraid to fight alongside her troops.

Like Uncle Andrew, Gene was nothing more than a peddling magician, but worse, he saw himself as God who controlled Lelila's destiny all while basking in delusions of righteousness in his quest for power. While Uncle Andrew was at least scared straight by Narnia.

To use a description of the Pharisees from the TV Series Jesus of Nazareth(1977) but slightly tweaked,

He bowed before the Story of Joan of Arc, but violated the heart of it.

And that's why I am so irritable about Tragedy in these kinds of stories, it feels like they are no longer enjoyed out of humility, compassion, truth, goodness, and beauty.

But rather out of pride, vanity, power, cruelty, and moral superiority

and sometimes it tempts me want to write my inspired stories in a way that gives them all the finger rather than for what I saw these ideas and concepts could have been, just so I can give them a taste of their own medicine

I know that's wrong, but these people test my patience, especially when they keep invading other people's spaces, bypass other people's "curations" because "there's nothing subjective about this, I need to correct and educate you", and getting away with this kind of nasty behavior

Because they are perfectly “objective” and everyone else is “subjective” therefore “subjected” to their “objective” will.

@beatricehawthorne @vitamaeternum

[lockedtowers]

repost and rate your muse's traits out of 10 in each category !

COMPASSION: 2/10

so william… does not care. not a lot, anyways. when he first saw michael his brain had the tiniest flint of a spark of ‘i did that’ he didnt do shit but raw it and he definitely showed michael affection and love at first, fuck man he was teaching michael engineering, plushtrap was the first animatronic that they worked on together, in my main verse he did not care about his wife at the time at all especially when she caught him with henry but thats a different story but he did, in his fucked up way, love michael, but he also definitely favored evan by a lot when evan happened. of course i have verses where he did love his wife to a degree, but he doesnt really love anyone more than he loves himself. lizzie was very very close to getting there, but even her his love is more or less an extension of himself rather than as their own individual selves. lizzie has his cruelty and villainous streak, and his refusal to listen to no. michael has some of his aggression and recklessness. evan he favored in a way as the version of himself he lost due to his own parents, which is also why he kind of babied evan a lot. he made voice boxes for evans plushies so evan had someone to talk to, because him and michael didnt get along, and he never wanted michael and him to hate each other. in all though williams most compassionate moment, the one moment he was truly a decent guy, and the moment that ultimately destroyed any semblance of normalcy he could have attained, was evan getting springlocked. william tried to get him out, and his own suit springlocked on him causing the initial scars, and all in all sort of retriggered certain thoughts and issues he thought he grew out of. he any semblance of affection he had died when those locks went into his skin, and left him in a much worse state of mind and being.

BITTERNESS: 9/10

this man has stacks upon stacks upon stacks of journals about henry, how much he loves henry, how much he worships henry, how much he thinks henry should worship him. he still treats michael like shit when michaels an adult for what happened to evan when michael was a child himself when it happened. lizzie dying was entirely williams own damn fault and he still blamed michael for it because, in his mind, if michael didnt kill evan, charlotte wouldnt have had to die, henry wouldnt have had to be framed, and now lizzie wouldnt have had to die. this man takes bitter ex to a whole new level too considering even turned into his creation, he was still mad obsessing over henry.

HAPPINESS: 5/10

depends on when in the timeline. he did actually enjoy being married (the second time in main verses, dependable on mrs afton rpers otherwise) even though he.. wasnt exactly a faithful husband at all given his obsession with henry. honestly if he just learned what poly was and it wasnt the 70s/80s so he couldnt openly be poly and with a man, he’d have been much happier. he loves killing people tho.

POLITENESS: 3/10

…. he’ll fake it

MORALITY: 2/10

he murdered kids and thinks cheating on his wife with henry was perfectly fine because ‘he could love both of them’ when that doesnt make it fine, u big dickbag. also he wants complete control over his kids, he literally built the fu/ntime animatronics with the intentions of trapping his families souls in them so they could live forever with or without remnant. (yes this is a personal headcanon no i dont give a fuck about canon, canon had a lot of stupid moments, shush) he, hes not moral, hes one of those people who would just go off on like ‘oh morality isnt real its a social construct designed by the government to make you behave a certain way, the only true way to be moral is to believe in yourself as a god’ and all that stuff, dont trust the tall man

PRIDE: 9/10

he’s actually insufferable with how much he loved himself im ngl. he takes great pride in his subpar performances canonly. he thinks hes the greatest liar, engineer, and shopowner of all time. all the things he hated his parents for he ironically manages to do even worse than they did. he might struggle to love others but he definitely fucking loves himself, which is kind of funny when u think abt it, bc he also hates himself.

HONESTY: 2/10

he cannot even be honest with himself he’s not honest with anyone. he looked his wife in the eyes and claimed he would never betray her as he was cheating on her with henry. he kidnapped his own son after evan died with the intentions of completely breaking his brain in the same setup he built to ‘cure’ evan (which would likely have traumatized and made him worse) and fully intended on charlie being in that set up with him until she made the fatal error of fighting back, michael got the worst of the treatment for sure though.

BRAVERY: 0/10

one of the main things i think about this man is, he pretends what hes doing is brave and amazing, like im a great serial killer im great at everything im massively prolific in the public eye and people love and adore me, people flock towards me and think im charming and amazing, and they do. but he isn’t brave. he isnt anywhere close to that, he’s a fucking coward. he intimidates people, he hurts people, but when faced with the punishment for his crimes he was terrified. he isn’t brave. he doesnt know what brave is.

RECKLESSNESS: 2/10

his most reckless situation was what happened with charlie (and main verse wise, his first wife). it wasnt planned like that, he only intended to kidnap her. She thought back and he got angry enough to not only kill her, but abandon her body on that street in the storm. He hasn’t been exactly reckless since then and everythings been very carefully thought out, but he isnt in the right mindframe anymore, he hasnt been since evan died, he does make mistakes, and unfortunately it usually ends up being henry who pays for them since henry is who he framed.

AMBITION: 8/10

He’s definitely very ambitious, like he worked his ass off to get to where he is even though hes not really great at performing like he thinks he is. His main issue is his current goal is just Henry, not even anything specific really, he wants to be henry. The springlock incident made his obsession with henry a million times worse, and i can speak on that personally as someone whos had a head injury and who has OCD, it can intensify obsessions very very badly. So ambitious, yes, thoughtful on what they are, not anymore. though he did drain the lifeforce out of the kids he killed so.

LOYALTY: 1/10

that one isnt even for his fucking family its for henry and he betrayed that man too and framed him for his own daughters murder. his loyalty is to himself and maybe, MAYBE, on RARE occasions, and specifically as an extension of himself, his family.

SENSE OF FAMILY: 3/10

his childhood was fucked up. but while he was being a mostly present father, he showed promise. did he only love his kids as extensions of himself? still yes. did he at least love them? yeah. its a.. shitty situation all in all.

ATTRACTIVENESS: 6/10

evidently a lot more people wanna ride the serial killer than i gave him credit for.

AGILITY: 7/10

he’s surprisingly agile for his… everything. man in the movie version that man was rly pushing sixty and still bodied mike to hell and back what the hell dude.

SEX DRIVE: 7/10

he’s a f/urry. he had/has a whole ass wife, a ton of kids, and still canoodles with henry wtf do you think

Tagged by: stolen :)

Tagging: @orangeshinigami @auburniivenus @mechanicaldance @faultyconscience @riiese and if u see it, you

[pesterloglog]

Aranea Serket, Jake English, Dirk Strider

Act 6, page 4926-4931

ARANEA: Well, Jake? Don't you have anything to say?

JAKE: ...

ARANEA: I think I've spent enough time introducing myself! You have hardly said a word.

ARANEA: It would 8e nice to know whether my long story has confounded you in any particular way, or if you are just 8eing shy.

JAKE: Uh...

ARANEA: Yes?

ARANEA: Jake, I understand this is very much to learn all at once, 8ut do you really want me to keep speaking until I am 8lue in the face?

JAKE: ...

JAKE: Gulp!

ARANEA: You appear to 8e perspiring heavily.

ARANEA: There is no reason to 8e so nervous, especially considering you are only dreaming.

JAKE: Shit!

JAKE: Sorry. I dont know where i put the dream towels.

ARANEA: It's ok.

ARANEA: Well, at the risk talking a8out myself a little more, I feel it would 8e dishonest not to confess.

JAKE: What?

ARANEA: I am a fairly gifted psychic.

JAKE: Whoa really?

ARANEA: Yes.

JAKE: Like you can see the future?

JAKE: Are they ghost powers or troll powers? Or wait shucks thats a dumb sounding question.

ARANEA: No, that was a fine question. They're troll powers. Sometimes those of my 8lood type will have them naturally.

ARANEA: And no, they are not prognosticative a8ilities. They let me access another's mind in a way that can 8e terri8ly invasive if a8used.

JAKE: Invasive?

ARANEA: Yes. Including the a8ility to control minds, when exploited fully.

JAKE: Uh oh.

ARANEA: 8ut don't worry. They don't seem to work the same way on your species. They're considera8ly weaker.

ARANEA: The most I can do is get an empathic impression of your emotional state.

ARANEA: So if I speculate that you are shy or nervous, it is 8ecause I can sense that you are.

JAKE: Aw man youre kidding!

JAKE: So much for trying to be cool i guess.

JAKE: Although i probably blew that when you saw me yelling at nobody about boners and stuff.

ARANEA: I wouldn't say you 8lew it, 8ut that was certainly odd.

ARANEA: Who were you talking to, if you don't mind my asking?

JAKE: That was like...

JAKE: The brain ghost memory splinter of my best friend dirk who is stuck in my head and you cant see.

JAKE: And he was kinda hassling me and trying to get me to talk to him about how his real self has a thing for me but i kind of think it would be weird to talk to his brain impostor about that? At least for now.

JAKE: And then you showed up and you caught me at an awkward moment where he was threatening to make some bodily functions happen in front of you as a joke which would have been embarrassing as all blasted heck.

JAKE: But now it turns out you can read my mind too so im surrounded by brain invaders!

JAKE: You seem cool aranea but uh when am i going to wake up?

ARANEA: I am not a 8rain invader though!

ARANEA: I said I can only sense your emotions. I think it's polite to let people know 8efore long. Otherwise I 8egin to feel a 8it underhanded.

JAKE: Ok. I guess thats not too bad.

JAKE: I think i can keep my feelings buttoned up. That is what strong and adventurous gentlemen do i think. They keep a stiff upper lip even on the inside. That way they are never embarrassed and feel slightly more brave about stuff.

ARANEA: 8ut you don't have to! That was not the point of my telling you.

ARANEA: I'm used to sensing many things from people. There aren't any feelings you could have that would 8e that surprising to me or compromising to you.

ARANEA: I really just want you to relax for the 8rief time we have in this 8u88le and talk to me.

JAKE: Um gotcha.

JAKE: But what should i talk about?

ARANEA: Well, I have spent almost no time examining this iteration of your universe.

ARANEA: The gods have given me very little access to it through the memories of others until now.

ARANEA: I 8elieve they are finally 8eginning to 8ridge the divides 8etween long estranged compartments of reality, allowing previously unintroduced parties to mingle.

ARANEA: Those from different universes, 8oth their initial iterations and their scratched re8oots. Those from different spheres, ones of creative potential and of mortality.

ARANEA: Through us all they attempt to 8ring closure to unsanctioned loops and restore sta8ility to the cosmos.

ARANEA: So I am curious a8out you and your friends. What is your life like?

JAKE: My life?

JAKE: I wish i could say it was more interesting but its actually been a mite lackluster.

JAKE: There are monsters but i try to stay away from them to tell you the truth.

JAKE: Its mostly just me sitting around here watching movies and stuff and sometimes polishing firearms.

JAKE: Guns are sweet. So are movies heh. This is a terrible story.

ARANEA: I understand. The same is mostly true for myself.

ARANEA: I can sense that you are either very impressed or in some way intimidated 8y me, 8ut when it comes down to the 8asics, a description of my life would 8e 8oring as well.

ARANEA: Why don't you show me around?

JAKE: Show you around my room? Yes ok.

JAKE: Well. There are some guns. Like i said guns are great.

JAKE: There is a whole mess of movie posters on the wall. You probably never heard of any of them being a dead alien and such.

ARANEA: Nope. ::::)

JAKE: And...

JAKE: I dont know. Theres a desk which i use to work on silly projects. And thats my bed i guess.

JAKE: Ummmm and...

JAKE: Hmm what else.

DIRK: Dude, just FYI, you've been kind of staring at her.

JAKE: (What? Shh!)

ARANEA: What was that?

JAKE: Nothing!

DIRK: I'm not trying to fuck you up here, I promise. But you gotta watch what you're thinking, remember?

JAKE: (Go away!!)

DIRK: Oh man. No. See that thought you just had? That's exactly what I'm talking about.

DIRK: She's a fucking empath, bro. She can pick up on shit like that.

JAKE: (Shhhhh not listening to you.)

ARANEA: Jake?

JAKE: Nothing! Its cool. Im...

DIRK: You have got to be kidding. Did you seriously just think something THAT dirty?

DIRK: You must be doing this on purpose to spite me now. I mean, just wow dude. That was x-rated as fuck.

JAKE: (No no stop. See youre talking about it and now i cant help it!)

JAKE: (You are psyching me into having dirty thoughts get fucking lost you interloping brain douche!!!)

DIRK: Don't worry, I'm gone. It's like a goddamn peep show in here and I feel like a sleazy piece of shit watching this from a dark corner of your mind.

DIRK: You have a graphic imagination, English. I'm kind of impressed.

JAKE: (Shut up theyre just thoughts its not even like im trying to have them THEY DONT MEAN ANYTHING!)

ARANEA: Hmm.

ARANEA: Should I leave and come 8ack during another dream?

JAKE: No!!!

ARANEA: Ok then.

ARANEA: What's this? An illustrated story of some sort?

JAKE: Oh hey whoa!

JAKE: Lets not worry about that its nothing really. Here give me that ok?

ARANEA: Why are you getting flustered a8out this literature?

ARANEA: Is it pornographic?

ARANEA: It does not strike me as indecent at a glance. Though may8e our cultures have different standards?

JAKE: Hahaha what? No its not that at all its just...

JAKE: I dunno its just a nerdy comic i read its no big deal.

JAKE: Theres GOT to be other stuff to talk about lets see...

ARANEA: Jake.

JAKE: Huh?

ARANEA: You know, it's not the first time I've sensed that someone felt a flushed attraction for me.

JAKE: A flushed whatsit!!

JAKE: Oh my flipping gosh...

ARANEA: You really don't have to 8e so em8arrassed. It's perfectly ok.

JAKE: Aaaaargh oh god oh god you sensed my stupid sexy thoughts i KNEW it.

JAKE: God DAMN you bogus brain strider!

JAKE: Someone needs to just kill me. Or at least make me wake up! This is so humiliating i dont even...

JAKE: Can you please just slap me really hard? If not in retribution for my ungentlemanly train of thought then at least to just get me to wake up and save me from my own ceaseless buffoonery.

ARANEA: Actually I do 8elieve it would 8e within the scope of my a8ilities to get you to wake up.

ARANEA: 8ut do you really want me to do that?

JAKE: Um... maybe?

ARANEA: If it is true that you think I am attractive then why wouldn't you want to spend a little more time here with me? What's the harm?

ARANEA: Are you really in such a hurry to leave and feel sorry for yourself, for no explica8le reason?

JAKE: Well...

JAKE: No.

ARANEA: I already told you, Jake.

ARANEA: I am used to sensing many different types of feelings.

ARANEA: It's given me a different perspective on emotions than most have.

ARANEA: For most, the feelings of others are often a mystery. So they are prone to speculation and paranoia a8out the motivations of people they meet.

ARANEA: The emotions of others can seem like such well guarded mysteries, people 8egin to 8elieve that's how their own emotions should 8e treated as well. So when someone can read their thoughts easily it feels like a violation.

ARANEA: 8ut to one accustomed to reading those thoughts, there isn't the same perception of violation or secrecy. It's more like examining other self evident facts a8out a person, like taking note of their appearance.

ARANEA: It's still hard for non-psychics to understand this though, even if you explain it to them. It can lead to some awkward relationships, unfortunately.

JAKE: I imagine it would.

JAKE: So...

JAKE: Youve sensed it when other fellas have had the hots for you eh?

ARANEA: Fellows, yes. And ladies. It's happened.

JAKE: Yowza!

JAKE: You mustve been popular i guess.

ARANEA: Haha! Oh no. No, not really.

ARANEA: The fact that I've 8een the fleeting o8ject of attraction to a handful really paints the wrong social picture I'm afraid.

JAKE: That is hard to believe.

ARANEA: It's my experience that people very often underestimate their own lika8ility. I sense that feeling all the time.

ARANEA: Pro8a8ly 8ecause they're in the dark a8out others' thoughts. They are usually in dou8t, so they frequently err on the side of pessimism.

ARANEA: In many cases they would 8e surprised if they knew how many around them were open to friendship, or possi8ly something more.

ARANEA: I would venture that if you had such a sense you even might 8e surprised yourself!

JAKE: Ha! Thats a laugh.

JAKE: I am quite sure my only suitor is my best bro and even then he is such a jumbled stupid puzzle of unfathomable ironies im not even sure about THAT half the time.

JAKE: I wish i had your powers that would be top notch. Id be parked on the corner of relationship lane and EASY STREET.

JAKE: I could kick back in my eligible bachelors limousine and never fuck up or ever say anything awkward like i have been doing non stop so far in this dream.

ARANEA: Let's not get carried away. That certainly does not descri8e my experience.

ARANEA: You would think 8eing a8le to sense the occasional attraction from others would 8e advantageous, and inspire confidence in yourself.

ARANEA: And it is nice when that happens, sure.

ARANEA: 8ut then, you feel the negative emotions directed at you as well.

ARANEA: And even if they are less common than the positive ones, you have a way of dwelling on them, and magnifying them far 8eyond their real significance.

ARANEA: It's funny how an a8ility that should give you all the advantages in the world over others can lead you to feel worse a8out yourself than if you never had them.

ARANEA: You put all your energy into thinking a8out people with the 8ad feelings a8out you instead of the good, and you try your 8est to fix things.

ARANEA: 8ut usually it just gets worse. People think you are over8earing and needy, and they don't understand what it is you want from them.

ARANEA: I can see why it can drive some with my a8ilities to a8use the powers.

ARANEA: Fortunately I was a8le to resist the temptation.

JAKE: So there are people on your planet who do that?

ARANEA: On the world I was from, it was rare. Only a few criminals and outcasts would.

ARANEA: 8ut in the second iteration I mentioned, it was commonplace. Like I said, things were very different.

ARANEA: In my world though, the higher castes have a lot of responsi8ilities. It wouldn't 8e right to a8use my powers.

JAKE: So you were in a higher caste because of the hemospectrum thing you mentioned?

ARANEA: Ah, so you were listening to my lengthy pream8le!

JAKE: I heard all of it!

JAKE: I was just um... well go on.

ARANEA: Yes. 8lue 8loods like myself were higher than most.

ARANEA: The jo8 of each 8lood caste was to serve the needs of all those 8elow it.

ARANEA: We were to use our progressively greater longevity and wisdom to help the lower castes learn and grow. To listen to them and try to provide whatever they were missing. Like a hierarchy of caretakers with increasing social responsi8ility. When the order functioned in harmony our civilization would flourish.

JAKE: That is sure a neat sounding science fiction utopia.

JAKE: Wait duh i mean science reality.

JAKE: But then it all went to shit because of that meddlesome demon?

ARANEA: Yes.

JAKE: The demon you say im supposed to defeat?

ARANEA: Yes.

JAKE: Hang on.

JAKE: Would that be the same demon im named after?

ARANEA: Who told you that?

JAKE: Uh...

JAKE: I guess technically my own brain did?

ARANEA: That's interesting.

ARANEA: I wasn't planning on mentioning that. Or at least not just yet.

JAKE: Why?

ARANEA: There's no reason to prematurely overcomplicate an already complicated tale.

ARANEA: All facts will fall into place in due time.

JAKE: Yeah.

JAKE: But its true right?

ARANEA: More or less.

JAKE: Can you tell me anything more about this demon?

JAKE: All i know is he might be a skull monster.

JAKE: Wait he is a skull monster right?

ARANEA: He most certainly is a skull monster.

ARANEA: A very 8ig and angry skull monster.

JAKE: Yessss. Ok but...

JAKE: I feel like i should know more about him if im supposed to kill him.

ARANEA: I didn't say you were supposed to kill him.

ARANEA: He cannot 8e killed.

ARANEA: Long ago he discovered the secret to indestructi8ility.

JAKE: Oh...

ARANEA: Defeating a foe doesn't always involve killing.

ARANEA: He has had many incarnations in many universes.

ARANEA: If you continue on your journey for long enough, you may encounter one of them.

ARANEA: And if you have 8ecome strong enough 8y then, you may 8e a8le to defeat him in com8at.

ARANEA: And if that comes to pass, it would 8e the first defeat he has ever known.

ARANEA: You would 8e providing the first glimmer of hope to others that some day, he could 8e destroyed.

JAKE: So... you are saying i could do all this?

JAKE: Or that i will?

ARANEA: For now, I'm saying that we should get going soon, if you would like to meet the others 8efore you wake up.

JAKE: Who?

ARANEA: Is there anything else you wanted to show me 8efore we go?

ARANEA: I didn't mean to get us sidetracked like that.

JAKE: Ummm.

JAKE: Nah just some more boring junk.

JAKE: There are these fanciful branches but i dunno where they came from.

JAKE: I suspect dream sorcery.

ARANEA: They are from someone else's memory.

JAKE: Are they from a wizards memory?

ARANEA: Ha ha. No!

JAKE: Oh.

JAKE: Well I guess i could show you around outside.

JAKE: There is a jungle out there full of tremendous beasts.

ARANEA: Not anymore.

JAKE: Son of a BITCH! More fancy branches.

ARANEA: This way!

JAKE: What is this realm of limitless wonder?

DIRK: Realm of limitless wonder?

DIRK: God dammit, Jake.

JAKE: (Sh!)

ARANEA: It was my planet.

JAKE: Its great. Everything is so amazing!

JAKE: Who would have thunk you could have such crackerjack adventures in your dreams that are basically REAL instead of imaginary?

ARANEA: Yep!

JAKE: Or for that matter...

JAKE: That you could meet such neat people along the way.

DIRK: Your thoughts are wandering again, man.

JAKE: (Sh!)

DIRK: Whoa. Yeah.

DIRK: That gross mushy thought right there.

DIRK: Are you even paying attention?

JAKE: (No sh.)

DIRK: We've already been through this you hopeless rube.

DIRK: You might as well be saying it out loud to her.

DIRK: So why don't you?

JAKE: (Maybe i will wise guy!)

DIRK: I mean, she is pretty hot.

JAKE: (Yeah i know!!)

JAKE: (Now shushhhhhhhh.)

ARANEA: Jake, it wouldn't work 8etween us.

JAKE: Huh?

ARANEA: I'm dead.

JAKE: Yes. Right.

ARANEA: Perhaps if you died too.

ARANEA: Although, may8e not after too long?

ARANEA: I don't know how I would feel a8out that if you were a lot older than me.

DIRK: Man, what the fuck?

ARANEA: Although technically I am already so much "older" than you........

ARANEA: It would just 8e kind of strange if you were physically my senior 8y any significant margin, you know?

DIRK: This is a weird fucking train of thought. Can you tell her that?

JAKE: (No!)

DIRK: I'm going to make you have a seizure and get you to mime the message to her with your spastic gyrations.

DIRK: Pelvic thrusts will be my exclamation points.

JAKE: (Screw you!)

JAKE: (You heard her i totally have a shot hehehe!)

ARANEA: What?

JAKE: *Cough* uh go on.

ARANEA: 8ut I wouldn't want that to happen.

JAKE: What to happen?

ARANEA: For you to die soon.

ARANEA: I want you to succeed at your quest, and to live a long and happy life!

DIRK: Man.

DIRK: I'm gonna come out and say it.

DIRK: This broad is a total snore.

JAKE: Yeah right bro did you hear that at least if i kick the bucket early there will be shall i say a silver lining wink wink nudge nudge.

JAKE: It will take the form of some spooky smooches from a smokin ghostly troll babe so shut your jealous trap!

ARANEA: ::::?

JAKE: Wait.

JAKE: Oh dear.

JAKE: How uh...

JAKE: How loud was i talking just then?

DIRK: You were pretty much yelling.

ARANEA: :::;)

JAKE: Augh!

DIRK: If I were real I would be giving you a standing ovation right now.

DIRK: 5/5 hats.

JAKE: God.

JAKE: Ok just.

JAKE: Pretend to forget that maybe?

DIRK: Not a chance.

JAKE: Not you! Her!!

ARANEA: Her? Who?

ARANEA: Me?

JAKE: Sigh.

JAKE: Why dont you just tell me where were going.

ARANEA: I've gathered a small group of travelers for a meeting.

ARANEA: They are 8riefly passing through this 8u88le. I was hoping we could introduce ourselves to one another, and help orient an old friend of mine to the afterlife.

JAKE: Ok.

JAKE: Who is your friend?

JAKE: Another troll?

ARANEA: She was supposed to 8e the empress of all trolls, actually.

JAKE: Wow.

JAKE: So she died before she could be the empress i guess?

ARANEA: Not exactly, since she pro8a8ly never would have 8een regardless.

ARANEA: She didn't want the jo8.

JAKE: Why not?

ARANEA: Remem8er how I said each class had a duty to take care of the younger and more populous classes lower on the order?

ARANEA: Well, hers was the highest of all.

ARANEA: She was the only one on the planet with such royal 8lood, aside from the sitting empress.

ARANEA: As the heiress, she was meant for a position of incredi8le responsi8ility.

ARANEA: Once she claimed the throne, she would have to serve for many thousands of years, until the next successor was ready.

JAKE: Thats a hell of a long time.

JAKE: I guess she wasnt into that?

ARANEA: She had some pro8lems with authority.

ARANEA: She despised the whole social order, really.

ARANEA: I foolishly tried to convince her to honor her o8ligation, 8ut she wouldn't listen.

ARANEA: She viewed the empress as a glorified slave.

ARANEA: So she a8dicated, and fled to the moon to hide.

ARANEA: I was the only one who knew of her plans. The rest of the world searched 8ut never found her.

ARANEA: At the time, I was furious with her. 8ut I didn't turn her in.

ARANEA: Which in retrospect was a key decision that led us here.

JAKE: You mean it led to you being dead?

ARANEA: Yes, eventually.

ARANEA: While she was there, she discovered an ancient device.

ARANEA: Inside the device was a game.

ARANEA: She 8ecame o8sessed with playing it, 8ut needed our friends to agree to play first.

ARANEA: She was not well liked 8y the others though. Old grudges and rivalries made it hard to convince them.

ARANEA: 8ut she is very devious, and knows how to trick people into doing what she wants.

ARANEA: She even got me to agree, 8y promising she'd return to her place as the heiress when we finished playing.

ARANEA: Needless to say, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.

JAKE: She sounds like a handful.

ARANEA: Yes.

ARANEA: She's not all that 8ad though.

ARANEA: Well........

ARANEA: When you really get to know her.

ARANEA: And when she's unarmed.

ARANEA: Which is........ pretty much never, now that I think a8out it.

JAKE: ...

ARANEA: Ok, she pro8a8ly is all that 8ad.

ARANEA: The point is, you have to know how to handle her.

ARANEA: Regal types can 8e very touchy, even the ones who seem to revel in anarchy.

ARANEA: 8ut if you know all the right things to say and do, she will happily hand over the keys to the kingdom, so to speak.

ARANEA: After all, royalty is royalty.

ARANEA: Just let me do the talking for a while, ok?

DIRK: Did you hear that, Jake? Aranea wants to do the talking.

DIRK: I think your dead girlfriend might be starting to come out of her shell.

JAKE: (Heheheh.)

JAKE: (Ok that was kinda funny.)

[fipindustries]

how would my past selves react if they saw me today

mid 20's me: FUCK! so it happened in the end...? we actually did it? did it all worked out? is everyone cool with this? did we ruin everything, did we lose everything? are you happy? are you... are you the same person?

me: yup, it all worked out in the end, im am really damn happy with this, it was the best choice we could have made... and yes we changed a little, not on the really important stuff but ive changed a little. but... no more that we would have changed otherwise by just growing up

mid 20's: f-fuck... o-ok... ok fine, [sigh] ok, ok then i guess im fucking doing this

me: you're going to love it

------------------------------------------------

early 20's me: WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK? what happened? so that's it, we end up becoming... like that? the sjws won? how many pronouns do we have? what are your "triggers"?

me: omg shut the fuck up, first of all you are being intellectually dishonest, if you really cared about being right you would engage with people smarter than just the dumbest common denominator you find online, second... no, i assure you we are not "like that" you are not even that wrong about most things you just need to fucking chill

early 20's me: i look... better than i expected... uh, are you a femminist?

me: thats a complicated question im not going to get into right now, just... trust me, if i could sit down and explain all this to you you would agree with me... if it makes you feel any better i still think gone home is a really boring game

early 20's me: oh thank god

___________________________________________________________

teen me: (blushing, visibly horny) oh god... oh god, thank god, holy shit, holy fucking shit thank you, jesus christ holy shit thank you

me: yup, take it in buddy, we actually made it real, is happening, these are real

teen me: i... uh... i need some time by myself

-----------------------------------------------------------

kid me: [stands away from me extremely sullen and uncomfortable, refuses to speak]

me: i know, im sorry, this is a lot to take in, im really sorry, youre going to be ok, i promise you are going to be ok, want to see my animations?

kid me: i learned how to animate in power point and paint from a magazine, i did uh... five so far, one of them was about a guy being kidnapped by aliens and being forced to become an alien, i also did one about a guy who turns into a car and i also have an imaginary world where there is this evil company that pretends to be a normal company but is actually about evil scientists and its called-

me: fip industries, yes, i know, i wrote that novel and i made a couple of comics based on that, i can show them to you, want to see them?

kid me: [eagerly nods and walks a little closer]

me: look, this is the art that you are going to create

[phantalgia]

Grand Adderall Experiment 2

So the day has gone by...and something happened.

Just PURE autonomic dysfunction. Oh my fucking god. It's still not over but this has been the worst experience with a dysautonomia episode I have EVER experienced. I barely even remember how it started.

I was watching YouTube videos, reading, completely engrossed within it. I think the adderall did help in that area? I had this like anxiety about doing this beforehand (especially turning on my computer) but I managed to get by it. But anyway, I was still feeling sick while doing it but I just dealt with it.

Then I went to the bathroom and it hit me. I don’t know exactly what came first. I think feeling faint? Badly. And I don’t know. I came out of the bathroom. Completely stiff as a board. My muscles were so stiff that theyre sore now after it.

My heart rate was 100+ bpm, and it even dropped to maybe 60! I was going in and out of these symptom waves some stronger than others. All while I have this flu like sensation that I still have and headache.

I didnt know what to do to make it better, walk around? Lay down? Sit? Stand up? It was confusing and I was scared but not nervous? It's hard to explain.

I get nauseous as hell and I feel like I’m needing the hospital and it's just getting bad. Nerve pain, tinnitus, stiffness, shaking, my heart is beating so hard that I felt it in my lower right abdomen. It was so noticable.

I really thought I was done for. But my priority was calming the fuck down. So that's where I am right now. I took some xanax, laid down, watched minecraft videos, did those tapping points and eventually it settled. It's still sensitive. Cant do anything crazy. Just slow.

After all this I felt my body go into parasympathetic mode. At least try to get into it. The xanax might have helped. But now it's somewhat settled...ehhhh. Still sensitive. But I got through the worst of it! Just gotta be careful getting up.

This was by far the worst episode. I didnt think I was gonna be able to eat food but I managed to do that! Although my stomach got really talkative! And I was feeling a little sick again. But I did that!

Another thing I noticed is when I get those dizziness/lightheaded waves. It starts at the base of my neck and shoots up to my scalp. And you know what? THATS WHERE I GET MY PHANTOM PAIN/HEAD ACHES WHEN I CANT FOCUS OR WHEN I EXERT MYSELF!! I HAD THIS SINCE SCHOOL! Silver lining I guess! So adderall helped teleport me back in time and notice things I brushed off! Weird! But whatever.

I need to come to some conclusion about adderall. My plan is to stop taking it. Maybe try it again the day after tomorrow one more time. I need a break at least. And to see how much of this was caused by the adderall. I think the hypertension and CNS stimulation wasn't good. Also feeling sensitive to emotions and anxiety while also being calm at the same time? Weird.

What was good? I felt mellow and chill. It was easier to focus, none to some rumination but it often fizzles away. Hyperactivity is reduced but not eliminated. I felt calm and anxious at the same time. I was able to read and watch stuff fine. However my short term memory or being able to memorize or think about what I consumed is. I don’t know. It feels like I didnt consume anything. But I did! I know what I watched and read and probably can vaguely say. But it feels like I didnt process it.

So I don’t know memory and thinking straight seems off. Adderall is a mixed bag outside of the autonomic dysfunction. Very conflicting. I want to write about what I learned today from what I read and or watched and see if I’m able to create something new and remember stuff.

Anyway. That's the update. I'll probably try again with adderall in the day after tomorrow. See what happens with my health tomorrow first. Otherwise. I'll just stop it and catch up with my doctor.

What a nightmare tonight...I’m glad it's sort of settled. I still feel sick

[wafflesdenweasels]

I don’t need to add my two cents, but this is a good topic and I want to.

My kneecap dislocates sometimes, leaving my knee always in pain, and I frequently faint. Its not a great time, but it is just how it has been for so long that I know no different. I also walk and bike everywhere, because car is just the worst idea for someone who faints, and god forbid i am standing on the bus for more then five minutes.

It’s amazing to me how people don’t even realize how frustrating it is for me to get around, with the city infrastructure being absolutely nightmarish. Simply the lack of benches is ridiculous (which is also an anti homeless thing, I know. Which is also ridiculous).

The sidewalks are never maintained. God forbid you need to use a wheel chair as its already hard enough to walk on when everything is bloody slanted and cracked.

Sometimes there isn’t even a way to get onto sidewalks for anyone in a wheelchair. And I just can’t get over the sheer amount of audacity of people to be like “oh you’re fine” like i have scraps all over my hands and have sprained my wrist now. And if i feel like i am going to faint, i probably will because otherwise i sit on glass or a pile of cans because god forbid we clean up anything.

People have told me to act more professional and go to a back room when i am about to faint and quite literally cannot think

I’ve had people get annoyed for me sitting on a stool at work as if that shouldn’t be a normal thing for people like why are we making people stand for eight hours. What is that. What is this. I hate what is defined as professional because so much of it ends up falling on disabled people.

I will preface that i have an issue and they’ll not even be phased until something happens and then its all my fault. I would have teachers block me from getting the support I needed because they just didn’t believe me for literally no reason???

But back to the point of this conversation, this is all to support how deeply this mentality is ingrained in people. How it is built into cities and etiquette, and what is deemed generally acceptable.

Looking for apartments is a nightmare because if that elevator goes out and i am at a top floor, i’m pretty much sleeping on the pavement unless someone can carry me up the stairs. I have to explain that to the person I am rooming with. I had to explain that my commute to work could not be longer then a certain span of time, and that groceries had to be nearby, and it took things actually happening for them to take it seriously. They were good about it when it did, but just the idea that I presented a problem that i have and it held no weight is wild to me.

Even walkable cities seem to forget that disability exists. I brought it up once and got told “oh it will be fine. That stuff usually follows” and like, no actually. We need to build our cities with disability in mind. Do you have any idea how many people you would kill????

Anyway thats my nonsensical two cents. I’m just generally angry about it and have many opinions but nowhere to air them out that is safe

People do not take ableism seriously at all as an oppressive force, most times ableism gets brought up on here its to make fun of people calling it out. Its actually so bad that I recently learned that someone who was defending me for calling out ableism lost tons of followers for it, you cant even defend someone against ableist harassment without getting attacked for it

[wizkiddx]

living and reviving II

yep when I said three parts I think I meant 4 oops

summary: an overdue conversation that has to happen - like it or not

warnings: cheating, swearing, pregnancy talk, lots more angst, think thats it?

tomhollandxreader

/////////////////////// prev

So with a new sense of dread and fear and complete and total isolation you uttered three single words before hysterically running away.

“Don’t follow me.”

Not now, not ever.

That had been three weeks ago.

And it still fucking hurt like hell.

It had ended up that Yamna had taken you back to hers, where you had stayed for a couple nights. During that couple of days, Tom had tried. He had tried to apologise, tried to explain, tried to fix things. But it just wasn’t that easy.

Whatever he said, it didn’t take back from the fact that he had in that moment meant it. So no amount of sorrys could ever take that back.

After everyone had realised just how serious their situation was, Tom had moved out of your shared flat - so you could at least be in the place you were comfortable. Afterall the nursery was built in your flat and clearly it was you doing all the baby stuff for the moment. Thankfully Yamna, having been cut loose so without job, offered to move in with you. Which was probably the only thing keeping you going.

Well, that and ben and jerrys ‘phish food’. Honestly the shop must think you’re running some sort of ice cream black market at the rate you’re getting through their tubs.

Everyone kept parroting that it wasn’t good for the baby. Too much ice cream . Too much heavy lifting. Too much stress.

And yes, it probably was. But that was out of your control . The stress and lack of man in the household meant you had to do the heavy lifting of shopping from the car up the stairs. Shopping meaning ice cream, which you only depended on so much because of the stress.

It was a vicious cycle of hell.

Even Yamna, the person you were relying on keeping you sane had started walking on eggshells. It was as though you were literally about to pop, she always had to have at least half an eye on you. You were even banned from locking the toilet door - just in case.

It felt like you were a captive animal, people kept coming to observe you, giving sad looks before gleeing the scene.

You hadn’t been sleeping well either. Of course, being 3 weeks of your due date didn’t help - but neither did the lack of Tom. In fact, for the first time since shit had hit the fan, you had actually been managing to get some decent sleep when Yamna knocked on your bedroom door, quietly calling your name.

“I’m asleep” Groaning, you pulled the covers further over your head, praying to god that she’d leave you alone. But of course that wasn’t happening, she just lightly chuckled before you felt the bed dip - she had perched on the edge… Toms side.

“You never normally sleep talk.”

“I’m never normally this sleep deprived.” She sighed, whilst you still stubbornly kept your eyes closed.

“I’m sorry I woke you…. but this is important.”

“What?” Almost grunting, you threw the covers down looking up at her in anticipation. That was another thing about pregnancy - you were always on high alert, always worried.

“Toms here.”

“Tell him to f off.” Quickly you stopped caring about what your bestmate had to say.

“He’s saying that he’s the little ones dad and that he deserves to be involved and…. and I think I might agree.”

“I deserve a boyfriend who stays loyal to me so clearly neither of us are getting what we want.” You weren’t angry at Yamna and snapping at her wasn’t the answer. And yet you still did it.

“Y/n….I love you and I am completely on your side. I just think that maybe, perhaps, you should at least manage to be civil before baby arrives. Otherwise… thats going to be a lot to deal with all at once.”

It was your turn to sigh, deep and heavy (or at least as deep as the baby let). Most infuriatingly she was right. The conversation had to happen at some point. With a baby there too it would only be even more traumatic.

“He’s here now?” It only dawned on you how broken you actually sounded when the words croaked out of you.

“Yeh hunny… I didn’t let him inside so he’s standing outside the door looking like a dickhead right now.” The image cheered you up a little, enough to sit up in bed and be wrapped in Yamna’s arms. Her actions said it all, she really only meant the best for you and knew how hard this would be. After a moment she leant back. “I almost considered calling the paps so they could get a picture and label him as a groveling dick.”

“You should of.” Of course you didn’t mean it, but the answer had you both laughing. It took a minute to calm down before she changed subject slightly.

“You want me to make myself scarce? I can hide in my room or go to the shops or-“

“Text the guy from the bar - you deserve a night off ‘babysitting Y/n’ duties.”

“I’m not babys-“

“Yes you are. Go out with him and have some fun, I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeh”

That was a bare face lie - but Yamna had been almost too good to you. She really really needed a break. Especially as the current plan was she’d be helping with the newborn too. Right now you wouldn’t have wished a baby on yourself - never mind your best mate.

“Okay, get ready then babe - but do it slowly, leave him waiting outside in the cold for as long as possible.”

“Obviously.” You laughed, hauling yourself out of bed, where she gave you one more encouraging hug before leaving.

After hearing Yamna leave, and brushing your hair and throwing on a new pair of trakkies and hoodie, you slowly walked towards the door. It felt as though impending doom were on the other side and every fibre of you wanted to scream and run the other way. But it just had to happen at some point. Why not now?

With a final sharp exhale, attempting to pull yourself together, you opened the door. Immediately your heart sank, seeing nothing. Had you really been that long? And even so, was a 10 minute wait enough for him to give up? You could already feel the hormonal pregnancy tears starting to spring, when a grunt drew your attention.

What you hadn’t considered was the fact Tom was ready to camp out, sitting on the floor beside your door. Springing to his feet, he seemed shocked you’d actually opened the door - makes two of you. When Yamna left she had told him you were coming, but seeing really is believing.

“Y/n! I-I… I wasn’t sure you were ever going to answer.”

“You and me both.” You replied dryly, still leaning on the door. “Do you er…. do you want to come in?” Again he seemed shocked, as though he wasn’t sure you meant it.

“Is that-that okay?” Shrugging you just nodded, stepping back so he could get in. He did pay half the mortgage afterall.

“You want a drink?” He quickly declined your offer, not vocally but instead rushing past you to the kitchen and turning the kettle on himself.

“Your the pregnant one. Go chill on the sofa, I’ll bring you a cuppa.”

And a bit taken a back by his forcefulness you followed instructions, from the sofa watching how effortlessly he danced round the kitchen. It wasn’t shocking, it was technically his kitchen too. But seeing him there felt so alien, almost transporting you back to much much simpler times. Seemed a lifetime ago.

After a couple of minutes, he rounded the sofa with a hot chocolate in one hand for you (because caffiene is bad for the baby) and a cup of Yorkshire tea in the other.

“So… how have you been?”

“Ate a lot of ben and jerrys” You answered without really answering, except he knew you all too well.

“That bad?” He sighed, scrubbing a hand over his brow “how about the baby?”

“I don’t tend to carry an ultrasound on me but she’s been keeping me up all night kicking - so normal I guess.”

“Thats good” He spoke before realising what he said. “Sorry no I um-I don’t mean it like that!” You all but laughed in the face of his flusteredness, only making the tips of his ears go pinker.

“I assume you had something to say and that you came here for a reason rather than just pity me?”

“I want to make things right Y/n - I-I mean your having my kid.”

“OUR kid”

“ Exactly! And-and I love you too and-“

“Bullshit” You may have murmured it under your breath but you had intended for him to hear.

“Oh come one Y/n, you know that!”

It was like the man was asking to be yelled at.

“Don’t sit there trying to patronise me! I THOUGHT i knew it but then I saw you all over another girl. So yes, I’m calling bullshit.”

“Ugh I… If your not going to even try to hear me out then…”

“Then what Tom? You gonna kick me out. I mean this is your flat after all! Maybe you’d like to dump the mother of your unborn child homeless on the street and forget about us - how’d that sound? I’m sure your fans would blindly applaud you.”

“Listen! Please would you just listen to me.” His voice was loud and tone harsh, making you flinch a little. Not because you were ever worried he’d hurt you - but how this wave of uncomfort shuddered through your body, baby even squirming in discontent. So focused on that you just nodded, shifting back into the sofa.

Tom had noticed your reaction and seeing you seemingly scared of him like that, well it broke his heart. Even more.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to shout, I just…. I really need to try and fix this.” He leaned closer, letting out a thankful breath when you just nodded, as if to say go on.

“I’ve really really missed you… these past couple of weeks I’ve never felt so gulity in my life. Not because of what I did! Well yeh that but-but more how much it hurt you and-“

“Fuck.”

You couldn’t help but let out that little curse of pain as a new wave of pain, which seemed to originate from your lower back, shuddered through you. Tom looked up from where his eyes had been nervously wringing his palms whilst he spoke. Rubbing a hand over your belly you shook your head and motioned for him to continue.

She was just kicking really really hard. Right?

“Uhm yeh so I just wanted to properly tell you everything that happened that night so at least we are on the same page? A-And I’m not going to try and use this an excuse but I had been drinking so-“

Seemingly baby disliked the end of that sentence too, causing another rippling wave to echo through your body, feeling as though a band was pressing tightly round your stomach. With another small curse it forced you to stand up, in the hope that’d ease her. Clearly she was as done with his shit as you were.

“Need a water.” You muttered, already waddling to the kitchen, where you heard Tom follow you immediately - like an inpatient dog.

“Y/n sit down I can-“

He was silenced by you freezing and grabbing his arm tightly - a physical contact he hadn’t been expecting from you.

“Tom… get your phone.” You spoke slowly, still not having dared to have moved an inch - fingers almost white from how tightly you were squeezing his forearm.

“Wha-are you-are you okay?”

“I think my waters just broke. Get the phone. Now.”

~~~ feedback is really appreciated + would love to know what u think as still in the process of writing so can be guided / helped by asks !!! ~~~

taglist: @maraudersandco @@minejungwoo @sippin-on-tea @thegirlintheswivelchair @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08 @prancerrparkerr @wildxwidow @arctic-monkcys @ownbauer13 @tomhollandlol @marvelsbitch8 @peterr-parkourr @lizzyclifford13-blog @user1683 @elishi03

[msawesomegeek]

Alita battle angel – Movie review

A/N: look at me, watching a movie. Yay. However it might be me thats hungover and procrastinating doing an exam. Anyways. I have a lot of thoughts on this movie.

SERIOUSLY SPOILERS AHEAD, skip the whole first section if you wanna avoid.

Okay, so, Alita battle angel, is a two hour movie that came out last year. It is about Doctor Ido, who in the scrapyard finds a core that's still alive and gives her a body. Alita wakes up and doesn't remember who she is. She learns the ways of this world in Iron city and about the floating city Zalem, and we meet (I'll be honest here, I liked him but I cannot for the life of me remember his name right now so let's call him whatshisface for now.) whatshisface, he is the love interest and he really wants to go to Zalem. We are also introduced to Vektor a rich guy who runs motorball, a popular sport. He is working with Ido's ex wife and she also has a hard on for going back to Zalem. A bunch of stuff happens, Alita finds out she's a marsian warrior, gets in a fight with a bounty hunter after becoming one herself. Enters the motorball tournament to get money to give to whatshisface so he can go to Zalem, action happens. She finds out no one goes there intact only in the creepiest way possible, talks to the person whose been the puppet master all along. Enters the big tournament to become an ultimate champion to go to Zalem. The end.

Mostly spoilerfree zone now.

So. Normally I do not go into that much detail about a movie's plot, but I wanted to do it here to show just how much this movie is just far too complicated. It suffers, sadly like a lot of action movies these days, from sequel syndrome. In which you can tell they wanted to cram a lot of info into this movie but also have a lot of exposition for the sequel, which ends up needlessly complicating and confusing the plot of the movie that you're already watching – think Suicide Squad or Justice League. The worst part of this is you're watching a movie hoping for an ending and then you're not getting it. A movie should be a story told from beginning to end, not beginning and then we reveal that there is a final boss and you just killed the small boss.

Besides that, I also wanted to write out the storypoints to show how weird and confusing it gets. I get wanting to build tensions and conflict, but I honestly felt like it tried to do everything, meaning we didnt really have time to get interested in any of the plot points in depth. (oh my god I just remembered whatshisface's name!). And that way it also feels like you're not watching a cohesive plot but like a sequence of events that are sometimes related. That lack of focus even extends to the characters. Alita spends the first half of the movie really wanting to kill this dude, and then just forgets about it until the end of the movie. Like, what?

And that also brings me to another problem with this plot, *sighs* it suffers from Spiderman 3 disorder – and by that I mean, this movie, has a villain problem. The villains are far too many, and also almost constantly has weird motivations, like there are logical motivations that would make sense for them to become antagonistic, but the movie just opts for the weirdest ones. Like the bounty hunter, wants to kill Hugo (whatshisface), and they spend like 10 minutes on it, and it seems like it is because he wants revenge on Alita from earlier, but then he just does not try to kill her or anything when she shows up! I had to rewatch those scenes, and I still have no god damn clue why he wants to kill Hugo! And that is a problem! AND then, you have Vektor sending all these other bounty hunters to kill, which is, fine. But again, I have no f*cking clue why HE wants to kill her? Why does the evil overlord that controls everyone want to kill her? Like, the fact that there are this many villains is a problem on its own, but then I at least need to know WHY all these villains are there (okay I am gonna do something that is normally illegal on the internet); I mean at least in Spiderman 3 we all knew WHY they wanted to kill Toby Maguire! How, just, how, do you mess up something so fundamental?!

Sadly the next problem is kind of related. Most characters. Look I get that there are some conflicts that are needed. But like, especially Hugo, what?! Like I get his crime thing being wrong and why it would create some conflict, but it seems so forced somehow. And like, when his girlfriend wants to do something really dangerous to make his dream happen, he tells the others he quits. But then why from there not just come clean to Alita, and be like, sorry babe I used to do this because I was in a desperate situation, but now I have learned something. It would have been compelling for his character. Because honestly he has some sweet moments, but otherwise I feel like he is just selfish. And that is fine, but make it compelling selfishness! Also except for the last 10 minutes of the movie, why does the Ido's wife have to be there? It seemed weird. The only antagonist I actually enjoyed was bounty hunter guy because he had just a pinch of a personality sprinkled in there. Alita is fine, maybe a little op, like let her train or something. Ido was good and honestly probably the best character in this movie, but his motivations are so weird sometimes.

So, uhm, what was good? Well, the fight sequences weren't bad, I liked them. The special effects were pretty cool. I loved what they did with those extreme zoom ins on her eyes. The acting was good. Cinematography was pretty good, not noticeable, but also weren't any scenes where I didn't know what was going on. The soundtrack has a very James Cameron vibe to it, which was okay.

Overall, did this movie suck? Yes. For multiple reasons, the story is weirdly paced and put together in a way where it feels like they wanted to cram like three books into one movie (or as I like to call the "opposite Hobbit effect", I'm sorry, I dont know why I have started making weird names for things to amuse myself during this review but here we are I guess.). And a lot of the plot points seemed forced, there are too many villains and all characters need to be tweaked so we actually understand their motivations for things. But visually it was pretty. But I'll be honest, I dont even recommend watching this as a its so bad its good. It is just weird, confusing and bad.

1 out of 10 stars (and that one star is for the actors and the visual teams only.)

So those were my thoughts, tell me what you thought? If you disagree with me and I completely misunderstood your favourite movie! Or if there is any other movie you wanna talk about or want me to watch and review – send me an ask. :)

- Em

[adorpheus]

on fujoshi and fetishization

Lately, more and more, both here on tumblr and on other sites, I keep seeing people spew unfiltered hatred at fujoshi - that is, women who like mlm content such as gay fanfic and fanart featuring men with other men. And I don’t mean like a specific type of fujoshi, like the ones who are genuinely being weird about it, but just like a general hatred for girls (but especially straight identifying girls) who express love for gay romance.

I hate to break this to you all, but women (including straight women!) actually are allowed to like mlm fanfiction and fanart, even enthusiastically so. A woman simply expressing her love of gay fanfic, even if it is in kind of a cringey way or a way that you personally don’t like, is NOT automatically fetishization.

I’ve been on the receiving end of fetishization for my entire life, from a very young age, as many black and brown folx have, so I consider myself pretty well acquainted with how it works. Fetishization isn’t just like, being really into drawings of boys kissing, or whatever the fuck y’all are trying to imply on this god forsaken site. 

Fetishization is complicated imo, and can encompass a lot of things, such as (but not limited to):

1 - dehumanization, e.g. viewing a group of people as sexual objects who exist purely for entertainment purposes, rather than acknowledging them as actual people who deserve respect and rights

and

2 - projecting certain assumptions onto said people based on their race/sexuality/whatever is being fetishized. These assumptions are often, but not always, sexual in nature (like the idea that black people in general are more sexual than other races, etc etc etc).

I’m going to use myself as an example to illustrate my point. Please note this isn’t the best or most nuanced example, but it is the most simplistic. A white person finding me attractive and respectfully appreciating my black features as part of what makes me beautiful is not, on its own, fetishization. A white person finding me attractive solely or mostly because I’m a PoC is now in fetishization territory. Similarly, assuming I’m dominant because of my blackness (like saying “step on me mommy” and shit like that) is hella fetishistic. 

That being said, theres definitely a difference between how fetishization works in real life with real people, and how it shows up in fandom. 

Fetishization manifests in many different ways in fandom, but most commonly on the mlm side of things, I personally see it appear as conservative (or centrist) women who love the idea of two men together, but don’t actually like gay people, and don’t necessarily think LGBT+ people deserve rights (or “special treatment” as its sometimes dog whistled). These women view queer men as sexual objects for entertainment rather than an actual group of people who deserve to be protected from systemic oppression. I’ve noticed that they often don’t even think of the men they “ship” together as actually being gay, and may even express disgust at the idea of a character in an mlm ship being headcanon’d gay. In case its not obvious, this is pretty much exactly the same way a lot of cishet men fetishize lesbians (they see “lesbian” as a porn category, rather than like, what actual LGBT people think of when we read the word lesbian). There’s a pretty popular viral tweet thread going around where someone explains seeing this trend of conservative women who like mlm stuff, and I have also personally witnessed this phenomenon myself in more than one fandom. 

The funny thing is, maybe its just me buuuut.... The place I see this particular kind of fetishization happen most is not in the anime/BL fandom, from which the term fujoshi originates - I actually see these type of women way way more in western fandom spaces like Supernatural, Harry Potter, and Hannibal. I can’t stress this enough, there’s a shocking amount of people who are like, straight up trump supporters in these fandoms. If you want to experience it, try joining a Hannigram or Destiel group on facebook and you will probably encounter one eventually especially if you happen to be living through a major historical event. Like these women probably wouldn’t even be considered “fujoshi”, because that term doesn’t really apply to them given they aren’t in the BL/anime fandom, yet they’re the ones I personally see actually doing the most harm.

Of course this isn’t the ONLY kind of fetishizing woman in the mlm/BL world, there are other ways fetishization shows up, but this is the most toxic kind that I see.

A girl just being really into BL or whatever may be “cringe” to you, or she may be expressing her love for BL in a “cringey” way, but a straight woman really enjoying BL is not, on its own, somehow inherently fetishization. Yes, sometimes teenage girls act kind of cringe about how much they like BL and that might be annoying to you, but its not necessarily ~problematic~. 

That being said, IT NEEDS BE REMARKED that a lot of the “fujoshi” that you all hate so deeply, are actually closeted trans men or nonbinary people who haven’t yet come to terms with their gender identity, or are otherwise just NOT cishet. I know because I was one of these closeted people for years, and I honestly think tumblr and the cultural obsession around purity is one of the many reasons I was closeted so deeply for so long. STORYTIME LOL!!! In my early adolescence, I was a sort of proto “fujoshi”. I identified as a bi girl who was mostly attracted to men, or as most (biphobic) people called it, “practically straight”. I wrote and read “slash” fanfic and looked at as well as drew my own fanart. We didn’t use the term fujoshi back then, but that’s definitely how I could have been described. I was obsessed with yaoi, BL, whatever you want to call it, to a cringe-inducing degree. I really struggled to relate to most het romances, so when I first discovered yaoi fanfics (as we called them at the time), I fell in love and felt like I finally found the type of romance content that was made for me. I didn’t know exactly why, I just knew it hit different. LGBT+ fanart and fanfiction brought me an immense amount of joy, and I didn’t really think too hard about why.

At some point, in my early 20s, after reading lots of discourse™ here on tumblr and other places like twitter, I started to get the sinking feeling that my passion for gay fanfiction was ~problematic~. I had always felt a sense of guilt for being into mlm content, because literally anyone who found out I liked BL (especially the men I dated) shamed me for liking it all the fucking time (which btw is literally just homophobic, like can we talk about that?). In addition to THAT bullshit, now I’m seeing posts telling me that girls who like BL are cringey gross fetishists who inspire rage and should go die? 

Let me tell you, I internalized the fuck out of messages like this. I desperately wanted to avoid being ~problematic~. At the time, I thought being problematic was like the worst thing you could be. I was terrified of being “cancelled”, before canceling was even really a thing. I thought to myself, “oh my god, I’m gross for liking this stuff? I should stop.” I beat myself up over this. I wanted so badly to be accepted, and to be deemed a Good Person by the internet and society at large.

I tried to shape up and become a good ally (lmfao). I stopped writing fanfic and deleted all the ones I was working on at the time. I made a concerted effort to assimilate into cishet culture, including trying to indulge myself more deeply in the few fandoms I could find that had het content I did enjoy (Buffy, True Blood, Pretty Little Liars, etc). I would occasionally look at BL/fanfic/etc in private, but then I would repress my interest in it and not look for a while. Instead I would look at women in straight relationships, and create extremely heterosexual Couple Goals pinterest boards, and try to figure out how I could become more like these women, so I, too, could be loved someday. 

This cycle of repression lasted like eight years. Throughout it all, I was performing womanhood to the best of my ability and trying to become a woman that was worthy of being in a relationship. I went in and out of several “straight” relationships, wondering why they didn’t make me feel the way reading fanfic did. Most of all, I couldn’t figure out why straight intimacy didn’t work for me. I just didn’t enjoy it. I always preferred looking at or making gay fanfiction/fanart over actual intimacy with men in real life. 

Eventually, I stumbled upon a trans coming out video that someone I was following posted online, my egg started to crack, and to make an extremely long story short, after like 3 years of introspection and many gender panic attacks that I still experience to this day, I realized that I’m uh... MAYBE... NOT CIS..!? :|

I truly believe if I had just been ALLOWED TO LIKE GAY STUFF WITHOUT BEING SHAMED FOR IT, I probably would have realized I was trans way way sooner. Because for me, indulging in my love of gay romance and writing gay fanfic wasn’t me being a weirdo fetishist, it was actually me exploring my own gender identity. It is what helped me come to terms with being a nonbinary trans boy.

Not everyone realizes they are trans at age 2 or whatever the fuck. Sometimes you have to go through a cringey fujoshi phase and multiple existential crises to realize how fucking gay you are AND THATS FINE.

And one more thing - can we just be real here? 

A lot of anti-fujoshi sentiment is literally just misogyny. omg please realize this. Its “women aren’t allowed to enjoy things” but, like... with gay fanfics. Some of the anti-fujoshi posts I see come across my dash are clearly ppl projecting a caricature they invented in their head of a demonic fujoshi fetishist onto any woman who expresses what they consider to be a little too much enthusiasm for gay content and then using their perception of that individual as an excuse to justify their disdain for any women, especially straight women, ‘invading’ their ~oh so exclusive~ queer fandom spaces.

 god get over yrselfs this is gatekeeping by another name

idk why i spent so long writing this no one is even going to read it, does anyone even still use this site

*EDIT: HOLY SHIT WHEN DOING RESEARCH FOR THIS POST I FOUND OUT THAT Y-GALLERY IS BACK OMG!!! 

[tigerdrop]

If you ever write Gordon getting dicked down by benrey, I can only image benrey just losing his mind and unable to form coherent sentences just going on and on and thanking Gordon for letting him do this. Just constantly saying how good gordon is to him and thank you over and over again.

bro do i have something for u. i was going off about this exact thing just last night

what if benrey humped gordons pillow.. you know..... like a. its a. its a petplay thing okay fuckin leave me alone. gordons prolly got more than one pillow right. what if......he had his face buried in the other one (or, you know, an other one, idk) while hes doing it b/c it......smells like......gordon......

like hes on his knees bent over, going completely crazy on one pillow, while perhaps hugging his face into the other and his whimpers and moans r muffled and oh god im rabid

rotating in my mind. maybe he wouldnt have been able to get off just from that ordinarily. it was just, like, warming up. he was gonna just jack it over the pillow later (you know, b/c hes fucking gross, and maybe hes entertaining wild fantasies of marking gordons stuff. you know). but its actually gordon saying a bunch of degrading comments (and then saying that if he was a good boy, he would finish what he started) to him that pushes him over the edge and makes him able to come for real

benrey's going absolutely ape bananas on the pillow, uncoordinated and desperate to come, with gordon breathing shit like "fuck the pillow like you'd fuck me" right in his ear. gordon's crazed on the power of being able to make benrey piston faster with just a little dirty talk

god. like. the fucking groan that would rip out of him at that b/c he wants to do just that so badly. not like he can deny that thats what he was thinking about the whole time, right

benrey just starts babbling nonsense on exactly how he wants to fuck him, if he'd let him

like. if hes wanted to do just that for so long, so badly, but hes never been able to prove that hes been good enough for gordon to let him (or at least, thats what hes convinced the issue is. if its up to me, its probably bound up in gordons weird internalized homophobia issues about bottoming.......but yknow thats not the way everybody characterizes him so LOL). and he really starts rutting into it good and hard trying to prove that hed be good for gordon, hed make it real fucking good for him, and maybe if he does it right, gordon will let him fuck him just like that

seeing benrey fuck the pillow as if its actually gordon makes him feel. some kinda way. and maybe he decides afterwards or sometime soon after, he actually DOES want benrey to fuck him like that. and when it happens, hes got benrey by the leash, tugging him and instructing him on what to do, telling him hes a good boy and UH HEY why are you reading this message are you fucking homosexual or somethi

okay. so. like. thinking about. gordon finally getting over himself enough to consider letting benrey top him. but if theyre gonna do this, hes gonna be the one in control, still. otherwise whats the whole fucking point of the bit theyre doing? so hes very strictly instructing benrey what to do, making him sit there and fold his goddamn hands behind his back and not touch, not move, just sit there and watch while gordon gets himself ready, because he dont trust like that. if benrey cant behave here, now, then gordon doesnt believe hell be able to behave when benreys got his dick in his ass. its like the apocryphal "green m&ms" story - if you cant obey the little rules, then theres no guarantee that you can obey the big rules, either

so benreys just watching, and hes fucking sweating, b/c he wants to be so fucking good right now. if he doesnt behave, hes not gonna get what hes wanted for so long, and gordon sure as shit wont let him do it again. so hes patient. he pants, open-mouthed, and his dick just twitches and bobs but he doesnt touch it b/c he wasnt told to. but man, is it hard when hes watching gordon get his fingers inside himself like that. watching his face turn red, watching him sweat, wanting it to be his fingers inside gordon so goddamn badly and just make him beg for more. but hes certain he cant get away with that, so he doesnt, and he just sits there and suffers

what if when gordon first takes benrey inside him, benrey notices a look of discomfort on gordons face that remains there for a hot minute. and slightly concerned, benrey speaks up, “yo you good? do we need to sto-“ and gordon is stubborn and insists he’s absolutely fine, hes completely cool, chill, all that. and hes got this.....! yknow, horny glare on his face, showing he means business and that hes so fucking into this, just as much as benrey is

gordon coming more and more undone as he fucks his own ass, his reprieved "control" on the situation slipping, benrey's listening the best he's ever listened and all of it's making gordon so goddamn hot. he tries to make it sound authoritative when he asks benrey to fuck him, it doesn't come out that way at all but benrey's so spellbound by the permission that he doesn't notice or care. just dives right in :)

then, finally, gordon feels like hes ready, and its really obvious how embarrassed he is even when hes trying to play at maintaining control over the situation. hes saying a lot of defensive shit like "dont say anything weird, dont make any weird fucking comments, just. look. if you wanna do this, then, uh. cmon." as he gets himself on his hands and knees and tugs benrey over to him by the collar and basically presents himself to be fucking mounted, because, you know, thats what theyre doing here. thats what their whole fucking game is

now. look. my benreys got a big dick. most benreys got a big dick. this benreys got a big fucking dick and gordon knows this real well by now, so hes insistent that benrey takes it as slow as possible. and it takes every goddamn ounce of his self-control to do as gordon asks, but its so worth it, because just that slow press inside of him for the first time is so, so good. gordons unbelievably tight, and hes making choked sounds and gasping and even though hes being super bossy, hes already gagging for it, practically. and like what you said: benreys fucking desperate to rail him into the ground, but hes also deeply invested in listening to exactly what gordon says and making it as good for him as he can

and he gets himself buried to the hilt, finally, after so long hes sure hed be going soft if it wasnt gordon, if he wasnt so deeply into being bossed around like this. and gordon breathlessly tells benrey to give him a moment, jesus, let him adjust. so he waits. and he waits. until gordon tugs at his leash, and tells him to move. but slowly, okay. so benrey does as hes told, and when he hits just the right pace, gordon does him the kindness of calling him a good boy and his fingers tighten instinctively on gordons hips

thats all he fuckin wants, bro. he wants gordon to call him a good boy and let benrey fuck him silly. (theyre getting to that second one.) slowly, gordon lets him pick up the pace, and hes trying to hard to maintain control but benreys dick is ruining him. gordons legs shake, his arms start to give way, and his back dips lower and lower while he raises his ass higher. and hes so fucking vocal. so much higher and louder than when hes topping. his mouths starting to run off, ordering benrey to fuck him harder while he gives that leash a sharp tug, and "good boy" spills from his lips with a greater frequency

and benreys just pressing him further and further into the mattress, legs braced around gordons in rut like a fucking mating press, and gordons really starting to lose control over the situation. benreys asking him shit like "yo......is it good bro? am i good?" because he just wants to hear it from gordon - yeah, hes good, hes doing so good, hes a good boy. hes gordons good boy. its some of the most effusive praise benreys gotten, and it goes straight to his head. and gordons pulling that leash so fucking tight, bending benrey over his back, while his orders for benrey not to stop begin to bleed into pleas and his babblings starting to get incoherent. and when hes like "please, oh god, im gonna come," benrey goes for the extra credit and reaches around to jerk him off and gordon just breaks

starts hardcore running his mouth and begging benrey to come in him, god, he can bite a little if he wants, its okay, just keep going, and gordon comes with the loudest wail benreys ever drawn out of him. and hes so overstimulated but he meant it when he said he wanted benrey to fuck him until he came, so hes mumbling about how good benrey is for him deliriously until benreys telling him thank you over and over again as he comes deep inside gordon. and then he pulls out and starts licking gordon and nuzzling his head into him and other gay shit while gordon pats his head and weakly reiterates that, yes, he was a good fucking dog and he did very fucking well, thank you

My Final Message. Good bye

[soopysoap]

Uh, I read your post about having an 80's au for the foreigen kids. And since I'm a Foreigen kids stan, can you tell me more about it?

HI. ANON? ILY.

They're really just random n messy ideas and i forget how many there are but i'm throwing them all here

so the whole thing takes place in highschool and mainly surrounds the cockswolds cotswolds (mainly mark but rebecca is usually there too)

most of them are seniors, rebecca's a junior

mark is an unpopular nerd, therefore the main character because it's the 80s. so is rebecca but she's not the main character

uhh everyone else is kinda just there

like there are no side characters all the foreign kids are kinda equal focus- wise but the main one is mark i guess

like the leader of their group idk idk

estella is the stereotypical rich popular girl, but she's also a closeted lesbian they're all closeted tbh so she's trying to hide that from her mom. Her mom, instead of being all 'Blah blah blah brrak hearts to fuel my life' or something she's just obsessed with status and how popular Estella is. She's always pleased when Estella has a boyfriend, but it's not often. Basically Estella is more smiley and happy than she usually is, but she's stil usually indifferent. Smiles either when she's genuinely happy or wants something. Most of the time she's deadpan or rolling her eyes

Gaydamien is the rich popular jock, his ego is huge. His dad (since he cant be the son of satan in this one) is the principal of their school. He usually gets what he wants, no matter what. Instead of "You dare [insert something here] to the Prince of Hell????" its that but with "Damien Thorn???" yknow because of his last name. He's been dating Estella to boost his ego, mainly. Doesn't realize he likes guys yet. Estella and Damien hate each other, but everyone believes they're dating because they're too scared to say otherwise. They complain about each other to each other AND to people in private.

Pip is just- he's less of a nerd but more of a kid that's just. There. He isn't nerdy but he definitely isn't popular. At all. He's just a pushover man idk what to tell you. He's usually being bullied. He has a huge crush on Damien, because he got him out of trouble with some other jock like. Once. Always gets giggly around him, it's funny to watch. Also very passive aggressive @ Estella because she's dating him. They have very few classes together, but whenever they do he's always like "hey :) so hows damien" and she responds with "why would i know" and he's like "because??? youre dating him???" and she looks really confused for a second and then is like "OH- Oh yeah okay uh. I don't know. So." and then she starts complaining about him or something and pip is all ":) why not just break up?"

Pip also hates Christophe

Which, speaking of, Christophe is also an annoying egotistical jock who plays football with Damien. Damien and Christophe are best friends. Christophe and Gregory are dating in secret

Gregory is the stereotypical gay kid. No other way to put this. If Ryan Evans from High School Musical had a superiority complex. He's a theatre kid, and takes pride in tha- OH MY GOD. Rachel??? Maybe he's Rachel Berry from Glee??? it would kind of work idk,, ok uh anyway yeah he's always bullied for being openly gay and it sucks but he took defense classes in Yardale (yes he's still a transfer from Yardale, yes he constantly mentions it) so he's able to hold his own. But Christophe usually steps in to get Gregory out of there and tend to his wounds.

Rebeccaaaaaa she's the unpopular girl, just started school and doesnt know shit about it after being homeschooled almost her whole life. Has a little crush on Estella, but Estella "Doesn't" notice her. (Estella just thinks of her as some pretty girl who isnt worth her time) Rebecca usually keeps to herself, is usually gossiped about. Estella never gets involved, but whenever she'd get asked about it, instead of defending Rebecca she just says "I hardly believe any of the rumors. She was homeschooled, not taught in witchcraft or satanisim. Or whatever else everyone's saying. Everyone should really calm themselves, if they were so worried about what people thought of them when Rebecca started going here then they should get that in order first before ruining Rebecca's social life. God. You all have to grow up." So, not necessarily a defense but also not an insult. Rebecca still finds it sweet.

Mark is a neerrrrrrd 80s main character. Minus the popular love interest and yearning 😩 And also if the main character had a god/superiority complex.. he's bullied the most other than Gregory, mostly by Damien n Christophe. Girls don't like him, guys don't like him, he really only had Pip and Rebecca for a while. Pip because he's overly nice to almost everyone and wanted to befriend Mark immediately. Usually during lunch Mark sits with Pip and Rebecca. Mark has to hear about Damien all the time from Pip though, so that's annoying.

Uh I know that Pocket is TECHNICALLY a foreign kid but idk shit about him and dont really think about him but he's Estella's cousin and often hangs out with her since he doesn't really have a friend group. He's also really good friends with Pip. BUT since this is a horror au he dies off early

After theyre all friends some stuff happens yada yada yada Gaymien realizes he's pan and has a crush on Pip, Estella takes Rebecca out for a makeover , Christophe gets severely injured because this is a horror au as well, Damien and Pip make out at some point-

Estella and Rebecca both know that theyre Lesbians but they refuse to admit that they like each other

Kinda thinking of this as if it was stranger things or something so i definitely want there to be like... a series of bad events. everyone thinks everythings cool and fine and whatever and there are moments where our group kinda just get to chill n' be kids. idk i just want there to be a falling out in the group and then they all realize they need each other or something dumb like that

also for some fun chill moments we can have estella and rebecca walking around holding hands and laughing n' stuff bc they love each other idk idk

and after the falling out when they all join together again estella is the first to see some scary stuff but she was also the first to drop everyone except damien and christophe (because of her mother) and so she blames herself and doesnt think she can go to them and just has to deal with it on her own

eventually she tells damien who immediately tells pip who immediately wants to get the group together again

everyone's (the cockswolds) are reluctant to hang out again because of the way they were just forgotten so easily, but they go anyway. because of the horror stuff. they both are pissed at estella though

at some point estella gets badly hurt and rebecca saves her and starts nursing her back to health

estella: why are you... why are you doing this. dont you hate me?

rebecca: i'm doing it because i actually care for you, idiot.

estella: i care for you i just... couldnt...

rebecca: what? spend time with a lowlife like me?

estella: you know thats not what i meant-

they go on like that for a little while longer until they wind up confessing to each other "Because I love you! Is that so fucking hard to believe?!" Would be rebecca's and Estella's would probably be "I don't hate you! You're my favorite person, and I hated having to stop hanging out with you! I love you, okay?!" it would be :) fun

damien and estella come out to each other first. well- damien doesnt really come out he just tells her how confused he is and they hug it out and estella tells him she's a lesbian and they both talk a little while longer and decide that breaking up would be the best idea

thats all i've really figured out for sure,, i have some more ideas but this is. a lot already so. i'm just gonna stop before i write too much 👉👉 anyway, anon ily ty for this. also sidenote: the horror stuff has to do with weird sacrificial cults. i know i have nothing for that and really only talked about how everything starts and drama instead of the interesting stuff but 🥴 i have no defense i just love my kids ok drama is fun

[editorialsonlife]

Well

Welp, feeling like doing an update because there's been a lot going on to be honest. its one of those weird dichotomies where every day feels like an eternity and there's so much going on and then you look back and you're like oh, ok its just my brain making it difficult and making things take forever but anyway.

LOCKDOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNN

Lockdown life was good, apart from being thrust into it so suddenly dave left a banana on his desk. Wasn't great to come back to after 5 weeks out of the office - mummified mouldy banana!! Classic. We luckily got our first jab before lockdown started so that was good, and we were reasonably well stocked up on food and were generally a lot healthier this lockdown that last. honestly, there's a level of chill and serenity in lockdown that i just love. the ability to set my own schedule and only work the hours I actually work to get the job done? Amazing. getting 8.5 hours of sleep each night without having to wake to an alarm blaring? AMAZING. getting to go for walks every afternoon? SO FLIPPING GOOD. I love it so much, I really really do. I need this to be my life permanently.

WORK

Work is just ongoing and draining and honestly, coming back to the office was so fucking stressful and it was only one day. Being at home is just the fucking bomb. Pending home decisions, I wanna go contracting I think, but also ideally two part time contracts to have more flexibility? I dunno. You'd think a big 4 would provide variety but it really doesn't and honestly, with Richie leaving, wellington is just a sinking ship. Sean's off on parental leave, Kirstyn is down to four days a week, ben will be gone if he doesn't get promoted (and I don't think he will be tbh). Jack is just muddling along, Nigel wants to swap to consulting as well, Matt's going to be a shit leader in terms of bringing in work so it's just not going to work. and in our wider group it's going to get even more messy with heaps of the analysts leaving and a couple of senior hires too. so I think it's probably time to jump ship in general, pending the home stuff below. Also, coming back after a break again, I'm like, I don't actually like a lot of you? All the people I enjoy here are in other teams and groups, and I'll be sad to leave you all, but like, not enough to stay anyway lol.

Pending the home below, two options are to just going and get a job with a $30k payrise to make up for the maternity leave benefits I'm gunna leave behind when I leave this role - 18 weeks full pay, $100 a week for the first year back and a full year of maternity leave. It's basically 30k post tax which is a bit nuts to walk away from to be honest.

Otherwise the other option is to go contracting. Less security overall but holy shit so much money. If I went in as a project coordinator at the lowest rate to build up a bit of a portfolio I'd need to work 40 weeks of 40 hr weeks and Id basically match my current salary plus the lost family leave benefits and still qualify for govt maternity leave payments. Realistically I could go in as a project manager for $140 an hour ($60 more an hour than the above math) and absolutely smash it at that level as well so ya know, there's a bunch of other info. I like the idea of the flexibility of it and only having 6 months even if its a shitshow and beign able to walk away at the end of it. I really don't want to get a govt job and this is a v govt town which is fine but also, if I can avoid it that would be great. I just know I'm not gunna thrive in that environment.

Need to talk to Dave to get him across the line on the security issue part of that though. I've mostly come a long way in terms of my financial management (thanks YNAB) so I think he'd be ok with it mostly.

So there's a lot to toss up there because......

HOME

We got the reno plans done during lockdown, finally. which was super good. but holy fkn jesus $$$$$$ ++++++++++. The guy is coming around for the final quote on Thursday. We indicatively said $100k total because we're doing kitchen laundry bathroom and toilet. so only the most expensive rooms and when I was talking to him last week he said 'that might cover it' and they're seeing cost escalations of 7-10% a week which is just insane. we're not doing anything structural apart from putting in a cavity slider in the bathroom, and the quote they'll give us won't include flooring since they won't do it.

Meanwhile, the prefab homes I were looking at for our site were $425k fully done. Like, I'm not going to spend $130K on doing up my 1940s ex state house ya know? That's not good cost benefit ratio.

So depending on what that comes out at on thursday we'll be able to make some plans.

We also want to start trying for kids next year and need these renos done first - I am not having kids and no dishwasher lol.

Also we need bank financing so good to be in a permanent stable job for that application. the good thing is we have so much equity we know we can borrow whatever we need, I just don't want to spend that much money on it because it's fkn ridiculous. and if I'm going on maternity leave we need to be able to cover it all on dave's salary and whatever benefits I have as well so there;s a lot of financial planning and spreadsheeting going on at the moment lol. it's fab.

either way. we've got plenty of options up our sleeve. we've got friends who's brother owns a building company so we can talk to them, we've got the garage so we can get things prefabricated even if they're not installed til next year, Dave can get shit at cost through his work for whiteware, there;s plenty of things to like cost control we can do, we just need to know where we're starting from basically. thats the challenging part. but we'll figure it out, its just taking longer than I want it to basically.

We also planted up the vege garden for the spring/summer which was lovely, super jazzed about that. we've finally got the garden to a reasonably low maintenance level where everything is mostly under control and it's such a relief, honestly.

PERSONAL

Man what a shift to lockdown last year honestly. I think the last 8 weeks in particular has just been like, a massive reality check of how absolutely shit the last year was and how fucking glad I am to be rid of it. I spent a week absolutely spiralling 2 weeks ago now and honestly, I don't know how I lived in the state for more than a year. I actually don't know how I did it. and I could not be more glad that I'm finally on the other side of it, for the most part. There's still a bunch of other stuff to work through (hahahahahaha when is there not like damn) but fucking hell its nice to just not be anxious and nauseous and wound up constantly. life is actually accessible. miracle.

My workmate had his bebe - I went round and got newborn cuddles and was like, oh, is this what it is to be clucky? this is odd. so there's that as well. I think we'll probably start trying next year pending renos and jobs etc. If the renos can be done in jan I'll prob just stick it at the job to get the benefits but I dunno. it's a tough call to make really. we shall see. This all assumes we get knocked up without any issues which is questionable these days. I really want to feel healthier before getting pregnant as well, and part of that is losing weight. however, given discussing that is what triggered the spiral we're working on that one slowly.

Also, lets have a moment for counselling, because fkn bless anne and all her hard work honestly. I actually ended up emailing her being like, I;m losing my shit on the monday and then talked to her on thursday. And its so funny because it's such a counselling thing but I didn't realise until afterwards what she'd done but she was like you're clearly not doing well and then the night before dave got a fkn miserable migraine and he was up for like, 2 hrs powerchucking except he didn't make it to the bathroom in time so guess who was cleaning up vomit at 130am trying not to chuck herself but I digress. anyway, not doing well, couldn't even explain why, didn't even have words and super tired and she's like, what lynaire up to this week how's she going with izzy and chat about that and then be like how are you feeling about your body and then 5 more mins of chat about the cat and the chickens and then like bam hard question and then hows it going with x and y and z and its like, it wasn't til I was on my walk afterwards when I FINALLY started feeling marginally better I was like damn woman work your magic for figuring it out for me and helping me reregulate. all over the phone as well since we were still in lockdown. GREAT WORK FRIEND.

and then last week was like totally fucked theoretical discussion about religion and the role it's played in my life and fate vs free will and all this nutty shit but genuinely just a great discussion. She's the best and I love her. thank good for good counsellors. thank god I can afford to pay for it honestly.

Dave and I are just chugging along, god bless that man. I love him. its amazing. I miss having friends close by but understand why they had to move (boooooo f u house prices). Family is pretty chill, still not really talking to dave's parents which is nightmarish but we'll deal with that when we need to. gunna have to go and visit them at some point coz dave misses them and I feel for him, I really do. It's the whole boundaries renegotiation I went through with my family last year post wedding blow up and its just not a fun place to be. oh well. can't fix it for him but also I'm not putting up with that level of BS from either of our families once we have children. not gunna happen.

Either way, life is busy and full and fun and I'm enjoying it. Daylight savings starts this weekend too, its october next week WTF and I'm just waiting for 4pm to find out what's gunna happen to our girls trip. Clearly we cancelled our sept trip to christchurch and akaroa and hanmer springs so my covid travel curse continues. fkn ridic. Still dunno what we're gunna do with $2500 of flight credits coz if we get knocked up theres def no international trips happening any time soon.

thus concludes the almost 2000 word write up of life. hope you've enjoyed it. I'll throw up some pics in a separate post if people care about reno plans. such a good time!

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

We Should Probably Fix That

Summary- 2k Bucky Barnes x Y/N. Bucky and You meet up in the Locker room. SMUT. NSFW. written for Kristens 2020 writing challenge. Thanks for hosting, it was alot of fun! My Prompt- “Oh dont mind me. Just enjoying the view.”

Here it was a fine Saturday morning and you were staring up at the ceiling of the compounds gym. Having just gotten your ass rolled by Natasha. Her hand stretched into your vision and grasping it, she hauled you back to a stand. "Good try, but you got to expect me on either side. And you favor the left."

"Yea, Bucky bruised my left hip" Nats lips turned into a smirk "not like that! Okay... Maybe like that. Worth it though. Try one more time?" The red head nodded and the two of you separated, going to separate corners of the mat.

As the two of you started sparring once more, you tried to stay focused on Nat, she isnt past pulling out a special move if she doesnt think your paying attention. Successful in blocking her, a quick duck on your part allows you to swing in closer, hooking a leg though hers and knocking her off kilter. Hey one out of three tries isn't bad and this time your the one helping her up, accompanied by "thats my girl!" You two glance over to see Bucky had come over from where he had been working out. “Oh dont mind me, just enjoying the view.” he winked at the two of you. 

"Yea well dont worry Barnes, I happened to see on the calendar were due for a match up, so next time you can participate." Natasha quipped as she went to grab a towel, grinning as she wiped the back of her neck "Y/N was at a disadvantage. Something about a bruise on her left side? Otherwise she probably gotten me more times."

You blush, but your face is already flushed and Bucky glances at you with a bit of worry, when you reach him, he handed your towel to you, then his vibranium hand touched along your hip, the coolness of his touch immediately noticed. "I thought that went away?"

"Dont listen to Romanoff, shes only teasing" you whisper back and lean up to kiss him. “Im not sore, and not favoring my left hip.” Behind you Nat is shaking her head yes, and you can see the way Buckys face changes that she must be doing something. “Nat, I swear, you and I will go back on the mat, and I will kick that tight ass of yours.” You turn around and toss your towel at her, and she snatchs it from the air and smirks. 

“Promises promises Y/N” she states as she gathers hers stuff and starts to head to the locker rooms. Bucky slings an arm around you and the two of you head that way as well, passing Steve and Sam as they came in to use the gym after there morning run. Turning the corner, Bucky veers off to go into the mens section, and Natasha waits patiently holding the womens door open. Once he goes inside, you veer back towards the mens, winking at Natasha. “Go on, Im gonna catch a shower elsewhere” and she gives you an approving thumbs up before going inside and leaving you to make your sneak, listening for Bucky to start the shower. After a few minutes you hear the groan of the pipework and the premium pressure shower heads Tony just had installed start, and you went inside. 

So you started stripping off you shoes and clothes, tossing them aside as you went down the row of lockers, honestly you didnt care if Steve and Sam stumbled upon them when they came in. They knew Bucky was a grown ass adult, and in a relationship. Once you reached the showers, you could see Buckys form through the frosted glass door, on a nearby bench were his everyday clothes, nicely folded, waiting for him to exit. You were a chaotic energy compared to his ritualistic ones. Why you two just worked. 

You decided to make yourself known, it never really pays off to sneak up on a super soldier, and you respected Buckys past to know that there was certain things he just didnt care for, sneaking up on him was one of them. So you knock on the glass door, giving a soft tune to his name as you spoke it. “Oh Barnes, mind sharing that hot water?” You could see him turn in the shower, and the silver of his arm stretch out to slide the glass aside. A billow of steam escaped when he opened the door, and his face emerged from it, his hair plastered to his head and droplets of water running down his the tip of his nose. His eyes rove down your form and your cant help but tilt your hip, folding your arms over your chest, leaving him growling playfully “Why you covering your self up sexy? Fuck come on in.” 

You giggled as his hand snaked out and wrapped around your waist, bringing you in. Tumbling against his chest, your arms sliding up around his neck as his lips claimed your neck, nibbles and flicks of his tongue speeding your pulse underneath it. His hands slid down your back and clasped your ass, arching you to grind right into him. “Something get you riled up today Buck?” You ask against his ear, sliding your tongue along the shell and tugging on his lobe, sucking on it. Your fingers dug into his shoulders as he backed you up into the tiled wall just under the spray. It cascaded down his muscled back that was taunt in his lust.

“Mmmhh watching you and Nat might have got me heated.” A roll of his hips showed you just how turned on it made him, along with the harder kiss marking your neck now, making you hiss and grind yourself back against him. Releasing your hands, you slid them down his chest, the mere touch of your hands left his muscles flexing underneath, along those V lines you so loved, and wrapped your hand around his erection, stroking just lightly enough to hear his breath hitch, and his vibranium arm pushed with some force against the wall beside your head. He was throbbing in your palm, and you relished holding him, stroking him into pleasure. “I can feel that Bucky... “

You leaned forward, husky voiced whispers “Your so big and hard, Its gonna feel so good pounding in my pussy.”  A slight twist of the wrist and as you slid your hand down, you slipped to roll his balls in your palm, moaning as you bite your lip. You tipped your head to glance at him, his breathing had started to turn shallow, rushed, and his pupils blew the further along you brought him. 

“Fuck, faster Y/N” In which you obliged, jerking your hand faster and faster, his hips jutting to keep pace. You could hear his hand tighten in the tile and the distinct crack of it, making you smirk. Oops, another one they busted, Tony was gonna see the repair request and give them shit later. His other hand, his warmth seeping from his palm as he pushed into your wet plastered hair, fisting into it and dragging your lips to meet his, possessively harsh kissing, a clashing of lips, forcing them apart with his tongue and dragging yours to his mouth. 

Dragging away from you, he gasped. “Stop, stop Baby” and you still, for a second before giving one more slow tempting pump, and he groaned, his dropped head to your shoulder giving a sharp bite, in which you yelp as his hands grasped behind your thighs and had you part your pretty thighs and fold around him. The wall kept you upright, leaving your hands free to explore all on there own. Weaving fingers right against his scalp, bringing his mouth back to your skin to work its magic. Following along your collarbone with worshiping kisses, his cock was slicked between your dripping folds. The moment his head slipped into your aching channel, you urged him to continue calling his name. “Fuck yes Buck, make me yours” 

Bucky Barnes was by all means a well endowed soldier, and you gasped feeling him stretch you the more he pushed in, rotating your hips, and tightening your legs around his waist to pull yourself closer, you gasped softly and a whimper was exhaled against his open mouth. “Fuck baby, your so god damn tight.” You giggle and kiss on the corner of his mouth, flexing yourself around him. 

“And all yours, we already broke the wall, lets really break some tiles.” You teased and he pulled back to start thrusting into you, definitely not disappointing, your ass bounced off the tile and his mouth traveled back to your collarbone. You leaned back, giving him access, cause you really wanted him to play with your bouncing breasts. 

“Think Tony is gonna start charging us?” He grunted and cupping a breast, teased it with his teeth, pulling the nipple with a pop between his teeth and swirling his tongue around it till it was nice and firm. Loving how your perky tits bounced in his face, lavishing his tongue down the valley, a mix of your salty skin and fresh warm water cascading from overhead his new favorite taste in the world. “I would pay whatever he wants as long as we continue shower sex” 

A roll of your body viced around him, screaming his name rather loudly and scratching down his back, while he continued powering through. His thrusts got harder, your channel slick with your arousal followed along with him, and reaching up to grasp the shower head to brace yourself. This was exactly why you loved being with Buck, he knew when to be gentle, and when to be rough as fuck. You pulled on his hair when he bit the curve of your breasts, knowing once more you were going to spot many bruises, underneath all your clothes. He was sure never to mark you within sight of the others.” Bucky, fuck im about to come again.... “ It hadnt been that long, and you were still clenching and coming down from the previous ones high. 

“Dont worry, Im fucking going to fill you up when you come... “ He cussed against you as you thrusted yourself harder, the both of you rushing towards your ending, and you screamed his name a second time, his body pushing to pin your between him and the wall, milking his cock for his seed, which throbbed in your channel, shooting thick streams to coat your walls, making you moan coming down. Reaching around you and feeling along the wall, you felt for the handle and twisted it to stop the water streaming down the two of you, and you both just panted against one another. 

Rubbing your hips as he pulled back so he wasnt crushing you against the wall, he reached up to brush your hair from your face, and kissed you softer this time. Not driven by lust, this was an affectionate kiss, trailing across your face and down your neck. “Ready to stand baby?” He questions you, and your hand smooths against his chest, nodding lightly. “Yea, just dont let me go right away, I think my legs might be a bit shook.” 

Laughing, he eased your thighs down and pulling from you, he continued you to your toes, sliding your arms around his neck and resting your head against his shoulder, still humming from your orgasm. You tip your head up, chin resting against his chest, admiring the little things going on, the way he had throughy fucked you in one of the best ways possible, that you both seemed to enjoy these quiet satisfied moments. His hands eased up your back and he looked down at you just staring up at him with a overall look of a loved woman. “everything alright babygirl?” You were unusually quiet. 

“Oh dont mind me. Just enjoying the view” you grin and lean up to kiss along his jaw line, mimicking him from earlier. 

“Well we dont enjoy the view! Could you two hurry it up!” Sam must have been waiting to get into the locker room, and you bust into laughter as you reach to grab a towel, poking Buckys side and pointing up at the shower head you were holding onto earlier. Apparently without realizing it, you happened to yank it out of the wall, leaving it crooked and wrenched. “Shit babes, we should probably get that fixed to, huh?” 

@peterman-spideyparker

[eitelle]

Hi!! Congrats on 60 followers btw! 💗

I am a female and I’d like to matched up with a guy from Haikyuu. I am ENFJ, (but sometimes enfp). I’m outgoing and generally nice to everyone, but I have a very sassy, goofy personality. Naturally flirty and very affectionate, and my love language is physical touch. I have my moments when I get shy and anxious, especially around someone I really have a crush on. Yet at the same time I’m the person always trying to hug and cuddle my friends even after roasting them. My favorite colors are blue, red, purple and pink. I love some teasing. I’m passionate about acting and singing. I love to listen to all kinds of music. I have long curly blackish hair and I’m 5’2. I’m a Gemini Sun, Cancer Rising and Gemini Moon. I am a caring and adaptable person, and like to make people happy I always finding a way to slip a stupid joke in🙄( joking is my coping mechanism) . My favorite food is tacos. African-American, and I like someone that I can relate to. I don’t have a specific type, but I do like someone with goals and passion. I like someone I can laugh with and also have real conversations with. I’m so into the romantic lovey-dovey stuff, yet sometimes I act like a little boy💀. I can be loud asf, even just when normally talking cause I usually have a lot of energy.

As far as style goes, it varies from 12 year old boy with some joggers and a t-shirt wayyyy too big for me , to like a 90s baddie with some hoops on, to girly with skirts, sweaters and some knee high socks. As far as accomplishments go, I’ve won state in theater and continue to pursue acting. It’s something I’m very passionate about. Some flaws of mine are overthinking and my anxiety. Like I’ll overthink an entire situation before I really know what happened and assume that someone like hates me. Or I’ll assume I’m talking to much and that’s it’s annoying so I just kinda.. shut down. My anxiety can get kinda bad, i get all shaky and I care a lot about what people think of me (although I try to deny it). So I’ll need someone who can bring me back to earth every now and then. But it’s getting better with time and I’m trying to stress myself out less. When I’m out I’ve got such a big personality and I’m making dumb jokes and dancing, but when I get home I’m just chilling and watching anime. (Although I will dance and make jokes if I feel like it). And I’m a night owl!

Sorry if this was too much!! I really appreciate what you are doing 💗.

OH MY GOD IM AN INFJ THAGS SO COOL!! MY ONLINE PERSONALITY IS LOWK ENFJ THO SO I THINK THATS SO SWAG SHSHSHS (if u recall me saying otherwise shhhhh thats when i trusted 16personalities) ALSO STATE IN ACTING??? UR SO COOL WTF?? ANYWAYS

ok i was actually just wanting to do a matchup w this character n it just so happens u seem to literally fit what id say is his ideal type so i have matched you with: semi eita

GOSH I LOVE HIM OK HCS: (also im so sorry for doing these so late shshs 😖)

forst of all hes def helping w ur lines

like hes such a good person to help prep u

hes also like lowk very lowkey shdhd and honest/blunt so if u ever get an anxiety attack i think hed tell u how it is like straight up n that ur overreacting but in the way that snaps u back to reality

n hes like ur anchor shdhd

i think thats so cute

and sometimes he gets stage fright so i feel like your presence would just help comfort him

OOH ALSO YALL WOULD PROB RELEASE SO GS TOGETHER

N HED LOVE SINGING W U 😫‼️

i feel like hed call u angel, his muse, or his bitch. no in between.

i also feel like he loves how hes so pale and his hair is gray and hes tall n ur lowk short n ur skin is darker and ur hair is like complete opposites and he loves that

like the opposites but fits so well together thing

yall def listen to ricky montgomery together idec.

and taylor swift.

ooh i know for a fact that mans had a hamilton phase but thats why hes so hot tbh

yall also make like photo/mood boards of yall or playlists lol i feel so lonely rn help-

if one of ur anxiety attacks comes in public u know this man is gonna pull the “im famous u want a photo?” to drag attention away from u shdh

oh u def call him suga by “accident” to make him mad HAHAHSJSH

prob the clubbing people but i could see him n u watching anime together and u accidentally hum the ops while harmonizing by accident sometimes shahsgdj

GOSH OK THAT WAS LONG SORRY OK ANYWAYS NOW ITS TIME FOR A ONE SHOT!! (also if u ever need to talk ab something my dms r always open!!)

IS THAT THE TOUNGE N LIKE TEETH THING BUT IN ANIME??/7;6&3);&;7: I JEVER NOTICED THIS WHAT THE FUCK

on a normal friday night, a (your age) person would normally be out with friends, or maybe even going clubbing. but not you, no you and your boyfriend were sitting on the couch, howl's moving castle on your tv and your head on his chest.

it was a chill day to say the least, you and him both having a full day off and spending it like this the two of you too exhausted from the weeks events already. you had random music playing in the background. by random i mean random it went from ed sheeran to lil uzivert all the way to BTS; needless to say it was kinda a mess. but that was how you liked it.

all of a sudden ‘The Schuyler Sisters’ from the original broadway cast of hamilton: the musical started blasting interrupting the beautiful silence w background noise.

you turn to look at your boyfriend, your chests now pressed against each other to look at him staring just past you at his phone, a light pink blush tinting his ears.

“a hamilton kid i see..” you tease playfully noticing how he flushed even deeper.

“o-oi shut up, my- my mom set it for me ok?” he tries to say, his excuses unheard as you burst into laughter tired of holding it in.

“we- well at least pick it up,” you say between laughs.

“fine. hello?” he says as he answers the call. “oh- but today, no i understand. of course. ok ill be right there.”

as he shifts you look at him all of a sudden concerned, you didn’t want your boyfriend overworking himself afterall.

“darling is everything ok?” you ask afraid of the answer. then you notice how hes not meeting your eyes and how hes tapping his knee with his pointer finger. his little tell he was trying to hold in laughs. “oh haha very funny semi now drop the act can we please just go back?” you try to reason.

“oh but getting u annoyed like this is so cute >w<“ he laughs seeing you grumble about how he was ‘so annoying’ as you turn to ignore him.

“oh shut up.”

“make me :p”

“maybe i will,” you say before stuffing a pillow in his mouth and leaning your head against it. “now enjoy the movie.” </3

HES SO PRETTY OML 🤩🤤

ohmygod now its time for my last texts for this event ahhh

OK I HOPE U ENJOYED SORRY THIS WAS SO LATE SHDGSH

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 4 notes

Ep 121: mmmm tape recorder turning on without them knowing goes brrr. AAAhjhdsjfhjdf "do you mind if i call you jon" its like "can i call you elias?" is this the dream guy with the tendrils? who wants to bet the boat is captained by peter lukas? big man if it killed yall how are you still here. oh boy the tape is doin that thing. who do we think it is? did he wake up? hmm. ep 122: lol jon. 6 months!?!? bruh quit movin big man. he just Knows things sometimes you know how it is. nah b/c i can relate to feeling like other ppl/ things arent real, thats the biggest mood BUT i think it is kinda pretentious to entertain the idea that youre the only Real person. If you dont see a body dont believe it. i'll hold out hope for a bit. theres not a new archivist is there? surely i wouldve heard about that. oh god peter what changes did you make. ep 123: web development. hope its about spiders. she blames him. bruh why. if they hadnt done anything the world would've ended piss off melanie. why are ppl acting like he chose to be in a coma for 6 months. we know this they just appear. no longer "head archivist of the magnus institute, london" now he's just "the archivist" covered in spiders? cuz ik the spider has to do with controlling what youre doing and all this stuff but i cant think of how this connects to that. ep 124: ugh vertigo. is michael crew an old man? oooh. fairchild. how did he know it was martin? hmm. GRR I LOST MY NOTES AGAIN. FROM EPISODE 125 - part of 131. ep 131: bruh he's so hard to understand big man ur voice is so low. Jared Hotworth. the boneturner. "the ones i helped find their proper bodies" name a better top surgeon? our favorite trans ally? ep 132: woo field trip into the coffin! static lol. he says "chill out im just poppin in for a quick recall mission" is the rib thing actually gonna work? bruh it feels so odd and contrived but he's an odd man with some odd powers so idk. rip that archivist ayyy statement time. voices? recordings? are those tape recorders? was it the tape recorders? did they pull him back? i hope so b/c if the rib thing actually worked im gonna be so disappointed. ep 133: predicting the lonely? tundra. like the lukases. hmm. sanikova! like sanikov land. so its the hunt? i suppose? yeah. so daisy's clearly rejecting the hunt, which makes sense cuz she doesnt seem to like the entities that much. wait so are we just not gonna talk abt all the tapes playing on the ground?? no? ep 134: not an archival assistant anymore? Adelard Decker (or however you spell it) i recognize that name. 15th power. i was right there are 15. the extinction? im trying to remember what ive heard. oooh spooky. no i gotta be real i dont understand this fear but i'll believe you that its a thing. ew lukas is so squealy. lukas can turn invisible? oh boy. oooh martin put the tape recorders there. lol lukas is worried he's gonna be an avatar of the eye. ep 135: yoo its the third Daedalus statement! maxwell rayner (reiner? reigner?) i dont know who that is but ik its somebody. is he the cult leader guy? church of the divine host? 4 people?? what? did they kidnap somebody and keep them up there?? oh dear jon are you dying? did he try to See or Know or whatever? why does everyone call basira detective lol. ep 136: he was the one from the spider movie that ate ppl right? the special effects artist? is it annabelle cane? "its a joke jon" lol. hmm they wanted to record the therapy session with melanie? i wonder who that is. i almost wanna guess annabelle cane but im not sure. ep 137: this is the one! he went to the other place and read the war statement but it wasnt the one she took. not the music again. sounds like the slaughter. who the heck is eric lol. "the watcher's crown" like the crown of eyes we saw in the piccrew ep 138: oh boy Robert Smirk time. is that elias? as unhelpful as usual. if new powers can be "born" can others die out? did jonah magnus wear the watchers crown? maybe they were born from our fear or maybe our fears were born from them. ceaseless watcher does ceaselessly watch so. idk what you want

big man. yeah jonah for sure did something. ep 139: agnes!! lol that one dude threw off all their plans thats so funny. BUT this does tell us something. the tree in the backyard of the hilltop house? not made by her. it going down didnt kill agnes. im guessing gertrude tied agnes to the house using the tree? u good jon? cuz every time you try to Know smth intentionally it seems like it causes you great pain. how come he can do it accidentally with no problem but the second he wants to know smth of plot relevance he gets a headache or whatever ep 140: lol pagan exultation. classic. "oh thats my rib" lmaoo. ppl are always so mad at jon and his Eye powers except when it benefits them. they're like "oh you shouldnt do that its not right" and then all of a sudden they want to know something and its all "oh cmon jon its the only way" ep 142: oh god jon what did you do. its interesting she's giving her statement in the way that they do when jon Asks. did he see her in the Coffin? and so he's following her? ok cmon jon you're supposed to let them come to you. lmao ikr martin. "start to hear the blood" "suure." lmao ep 143: lol that awkward moment when gertrude is already dead. big J if you die im gonna kill you. bruh. ayo helen? i guess it worked? ep 144: lol this reminds me of that one edgar allan poe story where he kills the old dude with the weird eye. spooky music stuff. lol thats my favorite symptom of a heart attack its hilarious. so its smth abt the location probably? bro i feel like you should write down the numbers idk. 162830165049 564846474827. seems like the distortion? like the kinda thing that causes you to go crazy because of the numbers. oh boy is it the extinction again. bro what?? im?? his dad just died and he's like eh. martin dont be mean. he's being all lonely again. big man ur pushing ppl away. oh god its fucking squealy boy. ep 145: that almost sounds like breekon/hope... Arthur? agnes. aah was he from the lightless flame cult. a tree. lol he's just ranting rn. hehehe fuck landlords amirite. yay someone tells jon outright to go to therapy. now do it big man. ep 146: oh great! the distortion! i'm making a spiral themed building in mc right now! jon maybe accept you did a bad? nah this goes back to what i said before. they're fine with him compelling ppl when its convenient for them but otherwise its "no jon you cant, youre a monster jon" the tapes didnt turn on. i spose that means its not important? i agree with daisy, this seems unecessarily dangerous. ep 147: is that a tape? the first tape? well that went better than i expected tbh. BAHAKJASHDJKF she did the "can i call you jon" like nikola says "elias, can i call you elias?" damn annabelle is such a girlboss. oh! the one thing from the picrew. its been a while since ive connected smth to that. lol all the other avatars always talk abt their patron so lovingly and the jon just. absolutely hates the eye. ep 148: lol thats the most elias thing. "i just like the way it sounds" ep 149: did he disappear? bruhh. ur lonely powers are popping off i guess. oops i accidentally deleted my notes for 150 - 152 ep 153: thats the cult right? yeah. it doesnt sound like the church of the divine host? idk. if it is the church of the divine host then they worship the dark right? so is the eleventh the dark star or wtvr? it almost sounds like the corruption b/c of the oil or grease or whatever. oh dear what happened. oh its the hunters. theyre so annyoing. not an "it" he has a name. he's a person. is this a page from the skin book? ep 154: oh shit this is gerry's dad! oh shit he quit! oh dear god. jon don't you do it. haha martin. yeahhhh... is he gonna tell the others? cuz you know theyre gonna get mad if he doesnt. oh also picrew connection! the bandages over the eyes? yeah thats this im guessing. ep 155: oh good he told them. oh my god what did you do. lol i have no mouth and i must scream. nah you get none of my sympathy you're straight up murdering ppl. its like the desolation, destroying lives to sustain your own. ok but taking their statements doesnt

kill them. oh... bye melanie. ep 156: lmao imagine if the tape recorder spoke back. oh boy decker! i swear we got a statement from him already. oh god mirrors scary. They're gonna eat the body arent they. Yup... sounds like the flesh or the slaughter, but I'm not sure. Could be the extinction for sure. Smth at the center! Like Helen mentioned. God Peter you dick. Ep 157: peter's just so :/ another decker statement i see. a statement about the corruption? hmm. maybe its not abt the corruption. the extinction. lol pandemics. topical. John Amherst. helen? lol i can hear admiral purring in the background. oh cmon helen dont be like that. im trying real hard to like you but you make it so difficult. ep 158: did they fucking free the stranger? im gonna lose it. you absolute dumbass. im sorry who is that? jonah magnus? my guy. peter. you absolute dickhead. that's elias. (im p sure i had this spoiled for me that elias is jonah) oh dear this is her death. god peter you prick. i hope this is a pop off martin moment and not a "martin you idiot" moment. i hope the hunters kill the stranger entity. or she kills them. furry daisy pop off! yeah fuck you peter martin can make his own decisions. you know that clip from Twisted where jafar says "ok what the fuck was that" martin D: ok like i know its gonna work but still D: D: ep 159: peter you bitchboy. because if im alone i cant hurt anyone else. imnotgonnacryimnotgonnacryimnotgonnacry do it do it do it do it. pop off jon. ok its a pretty good idea for a ritual i gotta be honest. she didnt even have to blow it up lol. oh dear that was certainly a noise. "he gets you" did he not have jon already? he's back! our boy is back! awwww thats so cute. ep 160: oh right this is the thing in the safe house. i love him. "obviously im going to tell you if i see any good cows" martin my beloved <3 :)) oh boy who is this. fuckin. people. jonah you dick. gahh. you can tell he's trying to resist so hard lol. ohh. hehe keep an *eye* on him. altho if the extinction is a real thing he needs to be marked by that right? lol he sounds so intense im sorry- i want martin to just burst in and be like "look at this cow i saw!" its so dramatic and for why.