#i think maybe like 2 people ever bother to read these though lol so it's w/e

[viktortittiforov]

on the subject of old ships DO YOU remember our old drrr ship. mikado x aoba. i still have fanarts saved somwhere i think

YEAHHHHH ofc i remember!!! also kida x mikado for me ahahaha oh man :") i still have a tender spot for these ships too......... never 4get

(also the fact that toyonaga toshiyuki voiced both mikado and yuuri is NOT lost on me lol I WONDER IF IT'S A COINCIDENCE THAT I IMPRINTED ON BOTH OF THESE CHARACTERS HMMMMM)

[screamin-abt-haikyuu]

You're jealous but you can't do anything because you're not dating him (Part 7) - Wakatoshi Ushijima

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Pairing: Ushijima x Fem! reader

Genre: Angst to fluff

Warnings: none, really? Reader calls him Toshi.

Requested by: @ushisrever

A/N: Can't believe I posted the last update to this more than two years ago. Has it really been that long???? The incomplete series has been bothering me for two years now lmao. Didn't think I'd ever find a fitting scenario for Ushiwaka but thanks to @dira333 helping me sound off some ideas, I was able to get that perfect "snap!" you get when you fit a puzzle piece in perfectly. Gave me enough brain juice to write this out before going back into hibernation.

Serving you some fresh, hot angst and then some lol. Enjoy the burn and then the healing. For someone who was as far removed from Ushiwaka (emotionally) as one can, writing this actually made me see him in a new light. Loved writing him. Hopefully, it stays as true to his canon nature as it can. Hopefully I don't trash this before it's out💀 but if you're reading this, it's good lol.

It feels like the entire Shiratorizawa is at the gates of the school.

"I can't believe she's coming to our school!"

"AAA I can't stop imagining how she'll look in our school uniform."

"Do you think she already has a boyfriend? Maybe I have a chance?"

"I don't know about a boyfriend but you certainly don't have a chance with her."

"Must you always be so cruel?!"

"If you think a star child actor who has made it so big in the industry is going to date a simpleton like you, you're delusional."

You sigh, annoyed, as you try to make your way through the babbling crowd. You're already late for your morning classes and you couldn't care any less about Hoshiko Nakamura. Or any celebrity for that matter.

"In fact, I don't think any boy in this school has a chance with her. Hmm... except maybe Ushiwaka? Not that he'd be interested in dating her anyway. Sometimes I feel like that guy doesn't have any emotions at all."

Your ears perk up at the Ace's name.

Wakatoshi Ushijima has become somewhat of a celebrity at school ever since he was selected for the under 19 representative for Japan in the Youth World Championship.

He was already well known as the formidable volleyball player who crushes any team that he takes on. However, his serious and stoic nature has kept most people from approaching him. Till now, at least.

The girl was right. Wakatoshi wouldn't even think about dating anyone. You seem fairly sure of that. However, the suggestion still leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

You're wrong about him not having any emotions you think as you finally break free from the crowd and sprint towards your classroom.

You've known Wakatoshi for as long as you can remember. You remember when his family moved into the house next to yours when you were just little kids. You remember watching the reserved, determined figure of the boy practicing volleyball all by himself in the nearby park. You remember going up to him and offering to play with him. Out of all these memories, the most vivid of them all was the way his eyes subtly lit up when you said you wanted to play with him.

Time has blurred into a haze since then. Even though you both went to different schools all through junior and middle school years, you both kept alive the tradition of playing volleyball together in park.

"You should come to Shiratorizawa," he had said that fateful day. You both were in the last year of middle school. It was a beautiful evening as you both walked back home from the park, the setting sun throwing hues of red and gold across the partially cloudy sky.

"That's not in my hands. I tried in middle school, remember? I want Shiratorizawa but Shiratorizawa doesn't seem to want me," you said, kicking a pebble on the road. Funny how I could say the same about you.

"That was three years ago. You have grown," he said without pause.

"We'll see. I don't want to get my hopes too high. You know just as well as I do that they give preference to athletes over normal students like me. Casual volleyball games with you are just about as sporty as I get," you said as you reached out to open the gate to your home.

You turned to say goodbye to him and found him looking at you, his expression more serious than usual.

"It's not about athleticism."

"Shiratorizawa only accepts the best. Be it volleyball or anything else. I believe you fit into that category. You should come," he says, looking straight into your eyes.

Your stomach flutters. How could he have so much faith in you? There is no doubt that he believes in you because Wakatoshi Ushijima always means what he says. Almost 5 years of knowing him had taught you that. You still found it hard to digest, though.

"I'll try my best, I promise."

"I know you will."

"Class, please give a warm welcome your new classmate, Hoshiko Nakamura!"

You can't help but gawk at her. Saying she is pretty would be a severe understatement. If she looks pretty on screen, it is nothing compared to what she looks like off screen. You look at your desk partner to see if he is thinking the same. Wakatoshi, however, seems to simply be listening to the teacher.

"Miss Nakamura, I'm sure you will have no problem settling in here. To kind of help you settle in this new environment, I was thinking of seating you next to Ushijima as I believe you two have met before at some of the national events."

The teacher might as well have thrown a bus at you and it would have felt just about the same as you do now.

Hoshiko's face lights up. "That would be great. Wakatoshi-kun has always been a delight to be with. Thank you for having me," she says and bows.

Did she just call him by his first name?

"Ah, Y/N, sorry for springing this on you so suddenly. I wanted to get a hold of you before morning class but couldn't. I hope it's not a problem," the teacher says.

You force a polite smile. "It's not a problem at all," you say and start packing your bag.

Hoshiko walks up to the desk and waits patiently for you to gather your stuff, thanking you again.

Your legs feel heavy as you take the empty seat diagonal to them in the adjacent row.

I'm panicking for no reason. They just know each other from an event. It makes sense to make her sit with a familiar and safe person, given her popularity. Yes, Wakatoshi is definitely the ideal choice in this scenario. He is not someone who would be creepy in any sense. He's also strong and intimidating so it would keep the creeps away. It's fine. It'll be fine. Nothing is going to happen between them... right?

"Wakatoshi-kun, I'm so glad I got to sit next to you," she says, smiling at him, speaking loud enough for people sitting nearby to hear.

"Actually, if I'm being honest, when I decided to come back to my hometown to complete my studies, I knew I wanted to go to Shiratorizawa immediately," she continues.

"Of course. Shiratorizawa is the best school in the prefecture. It's only natural to want to study here," Ushijima says, completely seriously.

Hoshiko blushes. "Ah... that is not what I meant... nevermind," she says, causing the guy behind them to burst into laughter.

It seems like the hollow sensation growing in your stomach is here to stay.

It has been two months since the day Hoshiko joined your school. With Ushijima going to school earlier than usual and practicing late into the night for the Inter High preliminaries, he hasn't been able to spend much time with you lately. Normally, this wouldn't have bothered you because you could see him in class everyday but with Hoshiko now taking your place, you barely get to say more than hi to him.

However, with the prelims now over and the upcoming week-long break ahead, you're hoping to get some one-on-one time with him once again. All these years with him have made him such an intrinsic part of your daily life that it feels like something big is missing when he's not around. To the world, Wakatoshi Ushijima might be a lot of things. But to you, Wakatoshi Ushijima is home. He is comfort. He is strength. He is someone that you know like the back of your own hand. He is someone that your heart always keeps coming back to. He is the only love you have ever known.

You know that he doesn't share the same feelings for you. But that doesn't stop your heart from longing for him.

The lessons for the day are over and you walk back to your class, eager to pack your bag and go home with Ushijima. You wonder if he'll want to go to the park in the evening.

"She's asking him out! She's asking him out!"

"No WAY! I am SO jealous."

A small crowd has gathered around the window and they're whispering amongst themselves as they look outside.

"Man, that Ushiwaka is so lucky! He gets to date the most beautiful girl in the entire country."

"I mean… he is in the nation's top 3 aces and an under 19 representative of Japan. Not to mention he's tall and strong and good looking. They're actually perfect for each other."

Your heart drops down to your feet.

You look out the window and find yourself looking at Hoshiko and Ushijima standing a ways away from the school building. They're in a quiet, secluded spot and Hoshiko seems to be blushing as she says something to him. You see him nod and say something in return. Hoshiko's face lights up in pure delight and even though they are at a distance, you can hear the joy in her voice.

"No way!!!! He said yes?? I thought he wasn't interested in girls!"

"Goddamn it! There goes my chance!"

You feel dizzy as you watch the two of them walk back to school together.

No. This can't be. You have always known that he doesn't like you that way. But you thought he wasn't interested in dating at all.

No. You shouldn't make any assumptions just yet. These gossip mongers are messing with your head. For all you know, he could have said yes to being in a show or something. You shouldn't despair before you hear the truth from him.

You blink back your tears and run to your class. Thankfully, it's empty. You take a few deep breaths to calm yourself and wait. Both of them soon appear in the hallway. The crowd surrounds them instantly, wanting to drown them in questions but Ushijima breaks away from them easily and walks towards the class. He comes up to you.

"Y/N. I'm sorry I won't be able to come to the park today."

It's true.

"Hoshiko and I are going to watch this new movie playing at the theatre-"

He's going on a date with her.

"Apparently it has a lot of volleyball in it-"

He's going on a date with h-

"You should join us."

Huh?

"What?"

"I figured you might like it since you play volleyball with me even though you don't play it otherwise."

What? What? What?? What is happening right now??

Ushijima patiently waits for your answer.

"Uh... Whose idea was it to go to the movie?"

"Nakamura's. Why?"

"And how did she bring up the idea?"

"Well, I was returning from the club and she asked to speak to me in private. And then she told me about the movie and if I wanted to watch it with her."

He didn't get it.

"Ah... Toshi... I'm pretty sure she was asking you out on a date."

His eyes widen with surprise.

"A... date? But she never said she had romantic feelings for me."

Could this mean...? Can I hope...?

"Well, her asking you out on the date was her way of saying it."

"I see. I didn't realise. Thank you for telling me. In that case, I should tell her my feelings for her as well."

He has feelings for her.

Your heart shatters.

You're glad that he walks out right away because you couldn't have stopped your tears from coming out even if you wanted to. You run out of the back door, desperate to get far away.

I guess I was the problem all this time. I just wasn't someone you could look at that way.

You had always known that. You had always known that he didn't feel for you the way you did. But that hadn't stopped you from falling for him. Hard. How could you have not? Eight years of knowing him... You didn't even realise when you fell for him. Loving him just came so naturally to you.

Logically, it makes sense. They make sense. She is beautiful and tall and smart. And so is he. They are the type of couple who would be featured on the cover of a magazine. Which, given their career trajectories, is bound to happen sooner or later.

But the heart doesn't care for logic and at this moment you feel like it will actually burst from the amount of pain you're feeling.

You spend the rest of the evening and the entire night crying in your room.

Morning comes and you feel worse than ever. Your head is throbbing, your nose is stuffy and your eyes are swollen. You decide to skip school. It's the last day before break anyway. Maybe this break will be good for you. It will give you some time to adjust to everything and compose yourself.

You go back to bed and sleep through the entire day.

You thought you'd feel better after getting some rest but you still feel like shit.

You drag yourself out of bed. Your entire body feels like it weighs ten times more.

Maybe a shower and some fresh air will do you good.

You head out.

No matter how much you try to think of something else, your mind keeps coming back to him. Your eyes keep searching for him. You look in the direction of his room. The curtains are open and you can see it is empty.

Of course he's not home yet. He's probably out with her again.

Even though it's barely a minute away, you feel exhausted by the time you reach the park. Thankfully, it is empty.

You sit on one of the swings and look around. Most of your memories with Ushijima are tied to this park. This is where you both have spent the majority of your last eight years together.

All the sweet memories make you tear up again.

"You didn't come to school today."

You were so lost in your head that you didn't realise when he walked up to you. You blink back your tears.

"Oh... hi. Yeah, I - I wasn't feeling very well today," you say, not meeting his eye.

"You seem upset."

He noticed.

"Oh... I'm fine. Really. It's just been a rough day. It's nothing to worry about," you say, still evading his gaze.

He sits on the swing next to you. You look to the side and see he has a volleyball in his lap.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

You quickly avert your gaze again.

"No."

"I see. Well, would you like me to distract you? Talk about something else?"

It is getting harder to keep your tears in check. You're sure your voice will crack if you speak. You just nod.

"You would've liked the movie. It wasn't as focused on volleyball as Nakamura said it would-"

Great. He's chosen the worst topic he could have talked about. You don't want to hear about his date. You need to change the topic. Quickly.

"What are you doing here?" you blurt out the one question that has been weighing on your mind ever since he came here.

"What do you mean? I came here to play volleyball with you."

"I- I mean... I thought you would spend your free time with Ho-Hoshiko from now."

"Why would I do that?"

"B- because you're d-dating her?" Your voice cracks.

"I am not dating Nakamura."

What?

"What do you mean you're not dating her? I thought you liked her. Didn't you go on a date with her yesterday?"

"I do like her. Just not romantically. And no, I went to watch the movie with Tendou. She had already bought the tickets so I bought them from her. I wanted to watch it with you but you went home. "

"But... you left to tell her your feelings for her..."

"I did. I wanted to clarify that I only feel for her as a friend. It was only thanks to you that I was able to tell her in time before I ended up hurting her unintentionally."

"I...see..."

Relief floods your heart. You suddenly feel a hundred pounds lighter. You finally gather the courage to look at him. He is looking right back at you.

"Can I ask you something?" you say, your lower lip trembling.

"Of course."

"Do you have romantic feelings for anyone?"

You instantly regret speaking up as soon as the question leaves your mouth. You know he never lies. And if he doesn't feel the same w-

"Yes. You."

You stare at him blankly.

It's subtle but his expression has changed from completely serious to something a little softer. You can't quite place what it is. Is it concern? nervousness? Adoration?

"R-really? You like me? Romantically?"

"Yes."

"Since when?"

"Ah," he rubs his chin, "I'm not sure..."

You're still having difficulty believing that any of this is real.

"You know," he continues, "After my father, you were the first person who ever wanted to play with me."

He points towards the corner of the park. "I was practicing against that wall that day when you came up to me. Do you remember?"

"Of course I remember. I can never forget that day."

"So many people have come and gone from my life but you have been with me for so long that, I guess somewhere along the way I just assumed you would stay forever. Which, I now realise, I shouldn't have."

He feels the same. He has always felt the same.

"Toshi?"

He turns to you again.

"I love you."

He breaks into a soft smile.

"I love you too."

Holyshit this was a ride. I'm glad I wrote this and I hope you guys enjoy.

Reblogs appreciated. Please do not steal or repost.

Taglist: @pinkiipeachiikeen @duckymcdoorknob @kakiwrites @ebiharachan @r0binscript I wasn't sure if you guys still want to be tagged for this series, seeing that it has been over two years so let me know if you want me to remove you from the taglist.

Check out THIS POST to know what all characters I have written for in this series.

MASTERLISTS | If you enjoy my work and want to, you can Buy me a Kofi!

[quinn-pop]

let’s do some autistic meta knight headcanons!! over explaining my interpretation of meta knight yet again wooooo

this orb has NO idea how to talk to people!!! outside of work anyway. a lot of this is partially due to upbringing (suppressing his emotions all the time) but he does not know how to express emotions, like…at all.

this goes into a few things

1. yeah talking is hard. even after figuring out what he wants to communicate he will struggle. conversation can be so overwhelming, especially under pressure. he will need time lol

2. because of that, forming connections is hard. i really don’t think meta is much for shallow relationships, and certainly not early in the timeline. which also means he has very little experience with friendship. so a lot of the relationships he did have went kinda neglected, and issues that probably could’ve been worked on by talking became…*cough romk* escalated.

3. honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if meta convinced himself he couldn’t feel emotion (anymore) until like. katam-ish. he tried very hard lol

vulnerability is terrifying. (though this gesture here is also just comforting, like his little cape cocoon thing he does.)

unmasking—yeah im taking the mask thing very literally here—is a big deal and a very slow process for mk. i’m sure he has a lot of feelings on that lol. it served as a way to ensure no one could ever, y’know, see him.

i can’t say i think he’d ever fully ditch it—there’s always gonna be some days that are more stressful than others and if having it could help him get through it, it just makes sense. mainly when working.

it really is about vulnerability. granted, i don’t think he has the most expressive face (in my head every astral just tends to stare at things) but i doubt he has much control over it. can’t fake a smile but also can’t hide it. probably blushes easy because yeah, astrals; just look at kirby’s face.

just the idea that someone might be able to read his expression and know what he’s feeling before he’s ready for them to (or even understands it himself…) yeah he doesn’t want that

but emotional turmoil aside, i think his mask also hides a lot of his stims

remember that whole “suppressing your feelings” thing? yeah turns out that ignoring half your instincts isn’t a good idea. so in true meta knight style, he tries to stim as subtly as possible

1. he has the least control over his wings, so they will flick and twitch on their own. they’re usually a good indicator of how he’s feeling, not unlike the body language usually seen in cat ears and tails lol. flapping is also an extension of this of course, though he probably suppresses it more.

2. this also effects when he takes his wings out. pretty much every time he’s excited or nervous it just happens. kinda makes me wonder if his wing cape ordeal might also go into the suppression thing… (i’d say yes, but using a cape is also very comforting so it’s not necessarily a bad thing)

3. going back to the mask thing; he stims a lot underneath it. think like biting or pursing your lips. he bites his tongue and clicks his mouth. that sort of thing. his mask also makes it harder to notice that he is constantly sighing, humming, grumbling…all that

one nice thing about the mask though is that it helps a little bit with lights!!! woo

(look at him and his magically floating glasses)

sensory stuff—i think he’s mostly bothered by light and sound. maybe a bit of texture. he’s pretty sensory avoidant and perfectly happy standing off to the side not touching anything.

the one exception to this is physical affection, which is, despite all of this, most of how he shows affection. it’s a lot easier to hug someone than to try to explain your feelings for them, after all.

i think he would like pressure though. so that’s probably part of it. and i’m pretty sure there’s some connection in here to fighting (dang, is that the only way he knows how to get his energy out?)

anyway, pretty much all of this is in contrast to kirby, who i would gladly nominate as the champion of Doing Whatever He Wants. he might pick up a few bad habits, but he will never mask the way meta knight does. he might not understand how he feels, but he’s in tune enough to express it…usually.

this is a very good thing for meta because it helps him to do the same thing. kirby’s so energetic, it’s hard to not want to stim with him. it reminds meta to be kinder to himself and explore his own emotions. he can also help kirby understand themselves, so this connection is very important.

yeah, at the end of the day, everything kinda just boils down to kirby and mk as parallels

this is the conclusion i promise

to me, meta’s arc is about growing stronger by growing kinder, and this is mostly by learning to be kind to himself. letting himself be a person again, loving and understanding other people, and eventually, letting go of all the expectations placed on him and doing the things he’s always wanted to do…

autism headcanons are fun for me because it’s cathartic to write, but at the same time, it just makes sense in this sort of narrative. meta is, to me, inseparable from these things. and so is kirby! that’s a dynamic that’s a lot of fun to play with, and it’s at the heart of my kirby interpretation.

if you actually read all this WOW thank you

[danieyells]

hi there,

thank you so much for all the voicelines you post !! if it’s okay, can i request subaru’s ?

thank you again !

You're welcome! At some point I might go back and put in the ones I leave out because they don't appeal to me as much lol but since i always end up posting 99% of them anyway I think it's enough for most people hahaha. It's all of them now! Sorry for the delay.

I WAS GONNA OMIT ONE OR TWO BECAUSE OF SPOILERS but eh i'll just warm for like. extra spoilers. since after doing more code peeking it wasn't the spoiler i thought it was. SUBARU IS A SWEETIE THOUGH. I also read Subaru's chats which were put in the code recently and. Man this guy needs anxiety meds. I have a small guess as to what his stigma is, but we'll learn in a few days anyway.

Hello: (the first time the game is opened after that character is set as home screen NPC. Only happens once per day, unless the character is switched out and back.)

"I'm very sorry to have kept you waiting. It's wonderful to see you again."

You've Got Mail: (whenever there's something in the inbox, usually Arena rewards)

"It looks like there's a notice for you. I'd be happy to go pick it up for you if you've got your hands full. Oh, forgive me if I'm overstepping."

oh no he's anxious about helping--

Default: (requires no affinity, has no time constraints)

"I really am so lucky to be surrounded by so many kind people like you."

"I never thought I'd get the chance to enjoy the lifestyle of a student until I came to Darkwick. Every day truly is fulfilling here."

it feels like subaru is like. . .the only one who actually enjoys school life here. . .or who really enjoys being here period lmao. . . .

"You think I'm always smiling? Ha ha, I hear that a lot. It just happens when I'm around all of you."

"I may be the captain, but it's just in name. I think Haku is much better suited for the job than me."

"I've been working since I was four, so people often said I was mature for my age. But the truth is, I've still got a lot to learn."

that makes two characters whose parents have essentially been keeping them from normal life and normal childhood for work reasons since they were four year olds. . . .

Affinity 1: (between 5am and 11am)

"I tend to just have hot water for breakfast. I know it would be better for me to eat a proper meal, but it's just so much effort."

DO WE REALLY HAVE TO START WITH "I NEED THE GHOULS TO EAT PROPER FUCKIN MEALS". . . .

Affinity 2: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I'm sorry I'm so late. The campus is so crowded I can never manage to walk in a straight line, so it always takes me longer than I think. Silly, isn't it?"

baby you're hardly the first person i've met with anxiety about crowds. you're fine.

Affinity 3: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"What would I do without Haku's help? Hotarubi would be a mess without him."

Affinity 4: (between 8pm and 5am)

"I wonder if I should apply early to take out any common artifacts I might need for this mission. I'll ask Haku what he thinks..."

Affinity 5: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Ah!  You surprised me there... I just got back from a small errand. Do you need something?"

Affinity 6: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Ever since I was a child, the performing arts were my only focus. Maybe that's why people always say my mannerisms are so peculiar. It bothers you too, doesn't it?"

poor boy doesn't know how to act if he isn't acting. . .he doesn't know how to exist off-script. . .no wonder he made a deal with a demon. it's probably the first thing he's ever done for himself.

Affinity 7: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I'd like to go to the cafeteria, but the line is always so long. I feel bad taking time to choose while people are waiting behind me. The bar of entry feels a little high."

i am once again suggesting subaru get anxiety meds. hell go to sinnostra and get some weed, i bet they sell that. i hear it can help.

Affinity 8: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"I'm just about to go and meet a friend. I hate to inconvenience you like this, but if it's something urgent, could you speak to Haku about it instead?"

Affinity 9: (between 8pm and 5am)

"What am I going to do? We're supposed to be meeting up in an hour... If I cancel now, they'll hate me..."

Affinity 10: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Whew... I'll walk you back to your house, {PC}. Oh, it's no problem at all, I assure you! I wanted some fresh air anyway."

Affinity 11: (between 5am and 11am)

"I have an Anomalous Ecology test coming up. It's such a fascinating subject, I couldn't help but stay up all night studying. Now I'm a little sleep-deprived."

Affinity 12: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I'm going to stretch my legs a little. I might not have a show to practice for right now, but I need to keep putting myself through my paces. I'll get rusty otherwise."

Affinity 13: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"I'm sorry my phone's been making so much noise. I recently downloaded an app by mistake, and it won't stop sending me notifications..."

awww he's also technologically incompetent. . .poor guy was probably raised with such a heavy focus on his career he just. never needed a smartphone. anyone he needed to contact or who needed to contact him was probably always very close by. it sounds like he didn't even properly go to school before going to Darkwick. Somebody please take this boy on a walk. like anywhere. take him to a library. buy him a churro. can sho make churros? this is somebody who's never had any sort of normal social experience and sees how different he is and wishes it weren't the case, unlike Ritsu who assumes everyone else is like him, i think he'd like to have some more Experiences.

Affinity 14: (between 5am and 11am)

"... ...Oh! Hello, {PC}—I didn't even notice you there. My mind was somewhere else."

Affinity 15: (between 5am and 11am)

"Good morning! Sorry? My hair's messy? You're right, it's sticking right up at the front... That's embarrassing. I'll fix it right away."

Affinity 16: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I usually have lunch in the dormitory. I do eat on the terrace with Lyca every now and then, but he seems so busy these days..."

Lyca is one of the members of Obscuary, btw! Seems like he and Subaru are friends.

Affinity 17: (between 10pm and midnight)

"I didn't take you for a night owl, {PC}. Since you're here, I suppose I'll stay up a little longer. You're sure you're okay? You're not sleepy?"

Affinity 18: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Do you visit Sinostra very often, {PC}? I see... Oh, no reason. I was just making conversation. Ha ha."

why do you ask that. . .a certain mafioso captain wouldn't happen to be suspicious of you would he. . .or maybe you owe them money. . .or maybe you used to be part of Sinostra and moved to Hotarubi. . . .

Affinity 19: (between 10pm and midnight)

"It's getting late, {PC}. How about we finish this tomorrow? Thank you for keeping me company all this time."

Affinity 20: (between 5am and 11am)

"Oh, I couldn't ask you to come all the way to my room to wake me up—I'd feel terrible. I do very much appreciate the thought, though."

it's okay buddy jin already makes them do it, one more pit stop won't hurt.

Affinity 21: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Oh, hello, {PC}. Sorry, I was actually just on my way out. I should be back by evening—do you mind if we speak then?"

Affinity 22: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Lyca has seen my message, so why hasn't he responded to it? I hope nothing bad has happened to him..."

Affinity 23: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Lyca will adapt well to human society, I'm sure of it. I'm so relieved that Darkwick chose to trust him. I can't thank you enough for your help."

he really likes Lyca huh? that is his dog.

Affinity 24: (between 10pm and midnight)

"You can't sleep? Then let me tell you some stories. Legend has it that evil spirits appear once you've told a hundred. Now, what number was I up to..."

BOY IS TRYNA GET YOUR ASS HAUNTED.

Affinity 25(max): (no time constraints)

"I don't want to seem like I'm testing you, I just... I get really anxious sometimes... I'm sorry. I'm being weird, aren't I?"

he's the type to ask 'are you sure you love me? are you sure you wanna be with me?' after you get married and move in together and own a house and have two kids with another on the way. he's the hyper anxious 'i'm sorry we disagreed about our favorite colors do you hate me?' friend(affectionate) I wonder though, is he apologizing for seeming like he's testing you because he's using his stigma to see what you've been up to or something. . .? Probably not lol it's more likely he just keeps asking if you like him

Spring: (March-May) (between 5am and 11am)

"There is no time like spring. Everyone seems more relaxed this time of year. It's reassuring to see."

(between 11am and 4pm)

"I have some sakura mochi. I was just about to prepare some tea to go with it—would you like to join me?"

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"They have no control over whether they bloom, and yet they get made a spectacle of nonetheless... Oh, sorry—I was talking about the cherry blossoms."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"There are many different flowers growing in Hotarubi, but I think the wisteria are my favorites. This is the best time to see them, so you should take a walk around."

Summer: (June-August) (between 5am and 11am)

"Hot today, isn't it? It's always raining in Hotarubi, so it does provide a little escape from the blazing summer sun, but... Ha ha. It is very humid, isn't it?"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Summer makes me think of the ghost story Yotsuya Kaidan. The scene where Oiwa becomes hysterical, having realized her her face has been disfigured— incredible."

Yotsuya Kaidan is one of the best known japanese ghost stories! It's extremely violent, so read the summary at your discretion. The scene in question has Oiwa shown her reflection by her sister's boss to see that the cream she was given by a woman who was in love with her husband was actually some sort of poison that instantly scarred her face. She grabs a sword and goes to kill her, only for her to accidentally slit her own throat.

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Hotarubi House holds regular festivals during the summer months. If you need a yukata to wear, I'd be happy to pick one out for you."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"I don't mind scary stories, but when that biwa in the tea room started playing by itself, it did make me jump a little..."

slight spoiler, although you can probably figure it out from this but. . .Zenji is a ghost. Subaru currently can't actually see him or hear his voice. . .only Haku, the pc, and, perhaps not so oddly, Towa can afair. All of his youtube content doesn't have him or his voice in it because he can't be recorded by cameras. So Subaru doesn't realize that the biwa playing on its own is actually Zenji playing the biwa.

Autumn: (September-November) (between 5am and 11am)

"The air has gotten crisper, and the leaves are changing color. I know it's only natural for the seasons to shift, so why does it make my heart ache so much?"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Oh, these? They're some chestnuts I found. I know—I should give them to Sho. I'm sure he'll be able to make something delicious with them."

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"That's another kuchikiri tea ceremony under my belt. It's an annual tradition where one cuts open a tea jar to reveal the tea that was preserved from the first harvest."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"On long autumn nights when the moon is shining beautifully in the sky, it's hard to resist taking a walk outside. Don't stay out until too late though, {PC}."

Winter: (December-February) (between 5am and 11am)

"...Oh, {PC}. Good morning... I had a hard time getting up today. It must be the cold... Ha ha. Not very captain-like, is it?"

Jin, Taiga, and Ed are all prone to not getting out of bed. and Yuri falls asleep on operating tables when he has down time. Trust me Subaru you are perfectly captain-like.

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Today, I'm going to order ingredients from one of my favorite stores so we can all make negima—tuna and scallion—hot pot together. Please, do join us."

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"It's cold out today. I was just thinking about lighting the fire. Would you like to come and warm up with me?"

oh subaru you don't even know how that sounds

(between 8pm and 5am)

"People say winter makes you want to snuggle up with someone, but I find that a good blanket does a much better job."

i agree that blankets are much easier to manage than people lol. probably warmer too.

His birthday: (February 20th)

"A present? For me? Thank you... I didn't expect you to do anything for my birthday, so I'm a little caught off guard. I really appreciate it."

Your birthday:

"Um... Happy birthday.  I really hope this year will be a wonderful one for you."

New Years: (January 1st)

"Happy New Year. I hope I can depend on your guidance and support again this year."

Valentine's Day: (February 14th)

"Chocolate? Oh, It's Valentine's Day, isn't it? Does that mean these are for me...?"

nah i just wanted you to look at them. YES THEY ARE FOR YOU BBY. why would you be showing him chocolate if it wasn't for him! On any day, not just valentine's day!!

White Day: (March 14th)

"These are for you, {PC}. I put in a special order for monaka from my favorite confectioner in Ginza. They're wafers filled with bean jam—I hope you like them."

April Fool's Day: (April 1st)

"Earlier, Haku told me he was switching houses. It gave me a real shock— I'm very relieved that it wasn't true..."

i bet subaru made the most scared kicked puppy face and started apologizing for being such an awful captain and blamed himself for that haku would go to a different house and haku had to quickly explain it was just a prank for fear that subaru might burst into tears.

Halloween: (October 31st)

"Happy Halloween. I know it's nothing special, but I've prepared some treats for the occasion. Oh... But you're more than welcome to play a trick instead."

please don't trick him. april fool's day was hard enough for him.

Christmas: (December 25th)

"Merry Christmas. We already have our New Year decorations up in Hotarubi, so it has a real east-meets-west atmosphere now. I hope everyone is okay with it..."

Idle: (about 20 seconds without interacting with the game) (below 13 affinity)

"Everyone seems busy at the moment. Maybe I should use this opportunity to tidy the garden..."

(13 affinity and above)

"{PC}? Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I was just worried because you were so quiet..."

Absent: (logging in for the first time in 2 or more days?)

"You're back... I'm so relieved. I was worried I'd done something to make you feel uncomfortable..."

this man shakes like a chihuahua 24/7. like you can taste the anxiety coming off of him. i love him. he's so pathetic(affectionate). i wanna squeeze his hand reassuringly and tell him everything's gonna be okay. i wanna hug him and pat his head. i wanna take him places so he learns more about the world outside of working. i wanna watch him do schoolwork excitedly because he's never really gone to school before and it's a new and exciting experience. i want him to experience the most mundane aspects of life with wonder.

good boy. yeah. get him anxiety meds /nodnod

[mr-stottlemonk]

1-7, 14-21 and 28-35

+

+

gonna combine all of these, dears!

1. Who is the better cook?

Leland. Sometimes, Adrian doesn't quite manage to get the food ready on time. he doesn't like some spices and if he does like some, he only adds those lol. if one side is slightly burnt they'll go hungry xD.

2. Who gets up to cook at 2am?

Maybe Adrian?? maybe meal prep 🤔. Leland wouldn't wake up cook at 2am even if you held him at gunpoint lol.

3. Are they into PDA? Who initiates most?

Not particularly into PDA but they don't avoid it. I think they both have times where they initiate it but most likely Leland who initiates it. Adrian never stops blushing whenever he holds his hand in public and kisses his cheek grateful years later.

4. Their favorite show to watch together?

@s-misaki said cooking shows! and i went :0 gasp, agreed. Hell's Kitchen to be specific (it started airing in 2005). plus, i think Leland would love it and then Adrian would get drawn into it.

They could also watch Deal or No Deal + Who wants to Be A Billionaire :D. I think Adrian would love those shows.

5. Who is the cheesier one of the two?

Leland. He is so cheesy. But Adrian is cheesy too. All those cheesy apology cards, birthday cards, valentine cards 😭😭💕.

6. Who is always, always running late?

Leland. Comes with the job. He hates when he is cause he knows Adrian gets all nervous and likes people to be punctual. he makes up for it, though.

7. Who's clumsier?

Adrian. It's the anxiety 😔✊���.

14. Who falls asleep during a movie?

Both of them xD. i don't think they watch movies together very often cause they're tired. and when they do, they're so comfortable they fall asleep against the other.

15. Who's the first to cry during movies that don't seem sad?

Adrian. He can find the smallest thing and make it absolutely morbid...

16. Who hogs the covers?

Adrian. They each have their own covers though, honestly. Leland spends too many nights grumbling about having ¼ of the covers xD.

17. Who is more competitive?

They're both competitive but Leland has the streak more than Adrian does. Adrian does win a couple of times though.

Don't ever ask them to play scrabble.

19. What do they fight about most often? (Alternative: what was their biggest fight?)

Oh this is loaded xD. I don't think they fight often. i think Leland has learnt that it's best to confront issues there and then - and since it's Adrian, he does.

i think they'd bicker and maybe get a bit irritated eg: when Adrian keeps tidying up Leland's office. Leland has his own system and he likes his office the way it is. it's his space.

Adrian would probably grumble about a few things like keeping the house clean and the carpet nicely vacuumed.

the biggest argument they might have is Adrian putting himself in harm's way during a case or Leland taking on too many cases all at once and thinking he can do it all on his own.

the biggest argument they HAVE had was definitely about Linda -> i think after that episode they took a while to get back to the usual flow.

20. Who randomly brings home a stray puppy/kitten to adopt?

Adrian rarely does. Leland would only do so once in a while. Because he kept feeding this little kitten on the way home... I like to think they eventually get a dog :3c.

21. Any routines one has that the other had to get used to (ex. morning, nighttime, sleeping habits)?

Leland has more nighttime routines than daytime. He likes to come home, occasionally have a beer which Adrian takes to restocking on often. before bed, he likes to read a book - he does so in the sitting room because he doesn't want to bother Adrian in the bedroom.

😂 there's a lot of routines Leland has to get used to for Adrian. garbage day, cleaning day, laundry day...

@s-misaki also suggested the days/times Adrian gets all the fire alarms in his house rechecked and re-installed xD.

28. Who always steals the other's food? How does their partner react to it?

Hm. I think Adrian might steal Leland's food - maybe some parts of Leland's food is perfectly done more than his. Maybe he just didn't feel like ordering and now that Leland is eating in front of him NOW HE'S FEELING PECKISH.

30. Pet names? Yes or no?

Leland for Adrian? yes.

Adrian for Leland? yes and no?

i've tried out 'dove' for Adrian a few times. i think it works best. i think honey could also work, ha. Adrian would probably call Leland -> 'Lee' :D.

31. How do they spend their anniversary?

Probably doing or going somewhere simple. if they go on a vacation its to somewhere they can both enjoy and offers things they both like. they just want to spend time together. without having to worry or think about a case.

maybe they go to the theatre. or they go out for dinner or Leland claims his free days and they stay home and enjoy each other's company and time.

32. Who's so affectionate they can't stop touching the other?

Both of them. They are both affectionate and affection seeking men.

Leland just doesn't hesitate to take it and reach for it. Adrian does, he sometimes takes it slowly because he isn't sure or he's thinking about something but eventually it becomes pretty natural.

They love leaning against each other. They're in each other's space often. Reaching and holding and pulling and- ahhhhhh.

another friend of mine said that Leland definitely has tiny cues as well -> grabbing a cuff, hand on his shoulder. it means a lot more than you'd think :3c.

33. What is their wedding day like?

quiet. small. just a few people. people they love; close family and friends. they cry at their vows. sure, Adrian cries more because he's finally in love again. but Leland cries too because he can love Adrian in all the ways and spend the time they have left

(╥_╥) oh.

34. How do they cheer the other one up during sad times?

Adrian plays a few songs Leland likes in the background. He records shows and games Leland misses. He pops over to the office with lunch or to get him to take breaks.

Leland talks to him. Lets him know he's always there to listen. He buys him these silly cleaning supplies even though Adrian has them. He keeps this little rock collection that he occasionally gives Adrian some of.

35. What are their tastes in music?

Adrian is definitely a classical music guy and occasionally soft jazz plus country. Leland is classic rock and roll :D!

[climbthemountain2020]

Remains of Spring - Chapter 2

Part 2/?

I lied!

This is my last contribution for @tamlinweek, lol.

As always, biggest thanks to the loml @cauldronblssd for being the best cheerleader, beta reader, and friend ever.

This Chapter occurs sequentially after Chapter 7 of Hope of Spring.

To begin with Hope of Spring and read sequentially, start here!

Tamlin pretended to paint the silver Penny chose across the walls of the study, but really, he was spending his time stealing glances at Penny every chance he got.

He had put off cleaning this room for years, even telling the staff not to bother. When Feyre had left with Lucien, he’d torn this room to shreds and sat in the dark in anguish for days. Before things had entirely fallen apart, this room had already symbolized all they had lost–Feyre’s paintings hanging on the walls to mock him. Now, though, it was time to move on.

Penny had been wonderful, helping him clear the room out, clean it, and organize the remainders. She’d washed the walls with the staff, assisted with repairing the furniture, and then picked out this lovely, bright paint for the walls. Tamlin was so astonished at how far above and beyond she always went; it left him reeling that she was just a genuinely good person, always looking for the ways that she could help. Tamlin honestly didn’t know if anyone had ever cared for him at a base level the way that Penny did, other than perhaps his mother, or maybe Lucien, but definitely never someone who wasn’t under obligation to do so.

More than that, she made him laugh. He honestly couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed as much as he had in the past few weeks. She was so incredibly funny–her sense of humor as grating and brash as it was humorous.

“You see, I know you’re a shapeshifter already, so I only ask because I am genuinely curious.”

“You’re a smart ass, is what you are, Penny.”

“Listen, I think that you would be a simply wonderful puppy. I could carry you around, give you treats so you learn to stop acting like such a dumbass when you’re cranky.” He glared at her, but the amusement kept him from avoiding the smile blooming on his face.

“Careful, or I am going to pick you up and start carrying you around when you tick me off.” He pointed the brush at her accusingly.

“You can’t just remove me, Tamlin. You’re stuck with me harassing you endlessly, that’s the deal. I don’t make the rules.” He sighed audibly, but his mind focused in on her word ‘endlessly’.

Gods, I hope so.

He was so dazed by her throwaway comment that he didn’t notice when he accidentally bumped into her while dipping his brush. She stumbled over her own feet and landed, back first, against the wet wall. He couldn’t stifle the laugh that bubbled up through him at the shock on her face.

Her eyes had gone wide, her nose scrunching immediately when she saw his laugh.

She’s so beautiful.

“Tamlin. Did you just get paint all over my back and hair?” Her voice was so low and calm, meant to be threatening, but it sent his stomach flipping over with the timbre of it.

“Of course not, my lady. It would appear you got paint all over your back and hair.” He couldn’t help but tease her. The banter between them had become so natural–so second nature to him–had it ever been that way with Feyre?

Feyre had never been a friend.

He couldn’t hold his laugh anymore. “Truly, silver is a wonderful color on you. Really brings out your ey–” Before he could finish, he felt the cold slop of the paint across his entire face. She’d painted him, the High Lord of Spring, who people still feared to look directly at, and she was now giggling. He felt the joy bubbling within him as he raised his hand to wipe his eyes.

If she wanted to play, he would play.

She cackled, running out of the room, but he was already on her heels. The part of him controlled by that deep, endless fae magic loved this chase, couldn’t stop his heart from nearly thundering through his chest as he chased her through the halls and to the stairs. She was amazingly fast, honestly far faster than he’d imagined, but it only made this more fun. She was sunshine personified–a bright ray of charm, and cheer, and revelry in a life that had been so sorely lacking for so long.

He was closing in, and her shrieking laugh pushed him to close the final gap as they descended the stairs, pulling her by the waist back into him in a move that felt more possessive than he intended. Suddenly, she was all he could smell, all he could see, feel, touch her, taste her, claim her.

He leaned in to whisper without thinking “caught you”, and he heard her sharp intake of breath–the racing of her pulse echoing his own. She smelled like sage and spearmint, still, but now with something so undeniably Spring…

But Tamlin scented someone else and drew up abruptly, those predatory instincts snapping him to attention as he realized they were no longer alone. He’d recognize that scent anywhere, and it made him bristle. Lucien. He was standing in the foyer, shock painting his face as he tried to collect himself, as Tamlin remembered he was covered in paint and cradling a stranger.

“Tamlin,” Lucien said cautiously, and even his voice sent waves of rage through him.

Traitor.

Tamin swiped over his face with his sleeve to remove the paint, the magic of the moment gone as every nerve ending sizzled with fury.

Had Rhysand truly no shame? Could he not simply leave him be? He’d done everything they’d pushed him to do, and now his reward was supposed to be never having to see or deal with any of them ever again.

“Why are you here, Lucien?” He hated how his voice, meant to be authoritative, still shook with the tension of betrayal. Hated that Lucien was here. Hated that he’d always known him as funny, smart, and kind, and now only knew him as his enemy.

“Rhys sent me. He got your letter.”

The letter. The fucking letter he’d all but begged her not to send.

He’d forgotten in the last few weeks. They’d been getting to know each other, becoming friends, and he’d forgotten all about that fight on the first day. He would pay for it now.

“I don’t know what you could possibly be referring to,” he gritted out between clenched teeth. “Now, I must ask that you leave my court. Certainly, you remember how.” He hated the hurt that reflected in Lucien’s eyes at the comment, hated how he could only lash out, could only hurt others.

“Feyre recognized the smell of Spring on the letter. Your scent, among others. We know it came from you, from the manor. I assume the letter came from you.” He looked at Penny, then seemed to second guess. For a second, Tamin thought he could sense anger flowing off Penny, but before it formed fully, she was stepping forward to introduce herself. She awkwardly shook his hand, and Tamlin was in awe of how she directed the conversation, making the typically unshakable Lucien seem flustered.

“Hello, Penny. It’s wonderful to make your acquaintance. How do you find yourself here in Spring?” That rage again from Penny, but Tamlin only heard the barb in the words. The accusation.

“She is my guest.” He could feel the talons threatening to burst through his skin. All that work in the last few years, and for what? He still couldn’t control himself. He wanted to scream, cry, rage. He had to remove himself from the situation before he escalated it. If they chose to continue only seeing him as the beast, then that’s what they could have. “I want you out of my house, Lucien. Now.”

Penny spoke up, but he could hardly hear it. “...so, you may tell Rhysand that Tamlin’s guest is here of her own free will, and not a hostage of any sort.”

Was she defending him?

“My lady, I did not mean to imply–” She was standing up for him. But he could already feel the change coming. His veins sizzled with the magic, tasting his beast form and starting to force the transition.

“I am here of my own accord, and here I will stay as long as Tamlin will allow me to.”

She would stay. She wanted to stay.

“You know I will have to inform Rhysand of what I’ve seen here, right?” It was the last thing he needed to hear, and the magic roared within him, barely contained. He hated himself–hated this lack of control. He would never be someone worthy of her. What had he been thinking? He would always be this monster–this horror that they all expected him to be. He had moments at best.

“I told you I didn’t want to send the letter.” He gritted out, then turned back to Lucien. “I won’t tell you again to get out.”

Then he all but ran out of the doors, the beast within him taking over and pulling him to escape into the dark forest amongst the vicious creatures where he belonged.

___________________

He’d roamed the forest for hours, running until he was breathless and exhausted. He had let all the horrid thoughts run through him over and over.

Monster. Traitor. Failure.

The thoughts pounded through his mind like a mantra as he ran and ran and ran. He could never be worthy of someone to love him, to care for him in any way. He’d driven Feyre away all on his own, failure by failure. Lucien, too. They’d both betrayed and left him, but he’d made them do it. He was every bit the monster they painted him to be. All that work and grief and processing and self-reflection meant nothing at the end of the day. He couldn’t even control his shifting, something that a youngling should have been able to do.

Panting and burned out, he shifted back to his fae form and dropped to the ground, letting his chest rise and fall on the forest floor as he watched the stars emerge.

But she said she wanted to stay.

The voice whispered from somewhere deep inside him. She had. She’d told Lucien that.

He groaned and rubbed his eyes, feeling the leftover magic swim in his veins. The Spring magic liked her, for whatever reason, humming wildly whenever she was nearby. He knew that she was powerful, but she seemed eternally unaware. His magic, however, recognized that vibration within her and always responded like it wanted to play. He didn’t know, truly, what he felt for her.

At first, it had been nice just to have someone to talk to. When she’d put him in his place without a lick of fear her first day here, he’d been entranced by her. She was so brave, so honest. He couldn’t remember the last time someone hadn’t feared him, or hated him, but just treated him as an equal. Every day, he found himself so thankful she was here, so grateful that she had stayed. And to hear her say how much she wanted to stay was like feeling the manor had spun around him.

And he’d Ieft. He sighed, the familiar disappointment and shame welling inside him.

Why was he so incapable of just doing the right things?

He had been trying to get away–trying to keep them from seeing him erupt–but in the end, he’d left her there. She was probably furious with him; who knew if she even did still want to stay? He sat up, pushing up from the ground. He needed to get home to her and apologize. She didn’t deserve this. If she wanted to stay, she deserved someone who would stay, too.

He walked as he formed a plan. He’d go back, maybe get some flowers from the garden and some sweets from the kitchen, knock on her door, and tell her how sorry he was for leaving. He’d tell her he was working on it, and that he would do better. That he wanted her here, wanted her to stay, and that he wouldn’t leave her again. He cleared the treeline, tripping over brambles and staggering towards the house as he tried to calm his nerves.

“Tamlin?” He was shocked to hear her familiar voice call out across the grass. In the twilight, he could see her running across the yard to him, and his heart leapt into his throat.

She was here. And she’d been waiting for him.

She halted just feet away from him, so close that her abrupt stop caused her scent to swell forward and cloud around him, almost bringing him to his knees.

“Penny.” Her name came out as a whisper on his breath. He took a step forward.

“Yes?”

“I am so sorry. I am so sorry I left.”

“No. Tamlin, I’m sorry. I put you in such a shit position. I should have listened to you.”

She was sorry?

“I shouldn’t have left. You had every right to write to them. You have every right to everything. I would never stop you. I would never hold you back. You know that, right?” He would never make those mistakes again. He would never force someone’s hand when it came to choices, or their affections. If it wasn’t freely given, he didn’t want it. He hated the sting of tears that burned at his eyes at the admission. He so badly wanted to reach for her, to feel her hands in his, but he had to let her be the one to choose.

“I know, Tam. I know. It’s alright.”

Tam.

She’d called him Tam, in her voice like bells. "I am here because I want to be. I am here with you.” She grasped his hands in hers, bringing him closer, allowing her to embrace him, and just in time, because he felt like he might actually fall to his knees in front of her. She’d pressed her beautiful face to his chest, his heart beating right in her ear.

Could she hear how it was racing?

“Are you hungry? I was having a picnic.”

“Sure, Penny. Show me to your picnic.” He couldn’t let go of her hand now that she’d offered it. He wanted to feel the solid warmth of it in his forever.

She led him to the garden gazebo, a little dinner set out around her with enough food for two.

Had she known he would come back? Had she just been waiting for him the way he had been waiting on her?

Tamlin worried about the dangerous hope that bloomed in his chest as he sat next to her in the gazebo under the stars, feeling that hum in his veins call out for hers like it was calling for home.

[just-a-carrot]

Hey! Just a heads up, I'm sending this to multiple people, since I wanna get as many different viewpoints on this as I can. I hope this doesn't bother you. Also, this is pretty long.

So, I have a question about gamedev, but more on the marketing/presence side.

Most gamedevs I know, even hobbyist ones, keep their accounts relatively professional. Sure, they may shitpost here and there, but it's mostly in relation to their games, the gamedev sphere in general, or very general inoffensive stuff. And, most importantly, I've seldom seen my favorite gamedevs (or any of my favorite internet personalities, for that matter) comment on random videos unrelated to what type of content they usually post.

All of my social media accounts are quite unprofessional. I've also had them for a long time, so there are a few things on my digital footprint that I'd rather people not see. I also, for lack of a better way of explaining, watch and read random shit and like to leave comments on it sometimes.

I feel like, I were to become a gamedev, I wouldn't be able to do that anymore. I'd have to treat my internet presence as its own balancing act, rather than a place for me to express myself unabashedly. I know this is working under the assumption that I would get big and that people would give a damn about me, but there is always the off chance of that happening. Of a random game you make suddenly blowing up because it hit the algorithm just right. So it's better to be prepared. And even if I don't get that big boom in popularity, I still plan to at least make games consistently enough to build a community of their own. Nothing like, huge, but I really enjoy the idea of people enjoying my work and sharing that enjoyment with others. But I don't want that to cross over into my personal life!

I know that's not an impossible feat, but I feel like it kind of destroys the purpose of the internet for me. To me, it's always been a safe space where I could express myself and easily connect with people with similar viewpoints, but I am now coming to odds with this concept as I consider how I want to become a gamedev.

There's also the side note that I don't wanna rebrand. At least not completely. I don't mind cleaning up my accounts or deleting some old ones, but I've grown very attached to being "Quamai". I can't imagine myself having any other online identity, even if there are some cringy moments attached to it.

So, do you have any advice for my situation? How did you personally go about your own online image, and what do you think is the best course of action?

Thank you in advance!

oh gosh what a question ldkjfadl

hmmmm

putting this under a cut because it got long and rambly lakdfa

for me personally i don't think i've ever made that many "right" choices when it comes to how i handle my online presence in game dev, it was mostly just me doing what seemed like the right thing to do at the time. it's also changed a lot all throughout my time as a dev

tho i guess the main thing is that i did create a whole new game dev online identity, so to speak, when i first got into game dev. this wasn't really due to any purposeful thought put into it though and was more just because 1) i didn't really have much online identity anyway at the time and 2) in the beginning i was trying to be more "professional" LOL

when i released easter, i did it without any presence at all. i had no accounts or anything. i literally just finished the game and threw it up on itch and gamejolt using the new studio name i had come up with based on an inside work joke. it wasn't until i started to get a few people talking about the game or linking to it/making vids that i was like hmmm i should have a twitter maybe LOL so like a week later i made a twitter. but i barely posted on it, it was just responding to other people. a year later when i released the 2.0 update i also made a few posts. then thought i might start using it more so started posting just a few random updates of new stuff i was trying out/working on (this was when i made my first couple of posts about early OW stuff)

but then when i shifted out of game dev again for a while, i abandoned it

it wasn't until august of 2021 that i began actively using my account again to post production updates for work on ow. but back then i was a lot more "emotionless" for lack of a better word. like i approached it in a more no-nonsense way than i do today. i also never got that much response from it either, usually lucky to get like 2 or 3 likes on stuff 🤣 over the course of that first year or so though i would change a lot in how i handled my online stuff, acting much more like myself, interacting a lot more with people, and getting increasingly more unhinged(???) LOL perhaps because i'd begun to see that being "super professional" when i'm just a little random person making a game all by myself there's no reason to be so stiff (and it's just much more fun and genuine to not be afraid to be myself and be a bit silly). over this time was also when i'd shift away from using my studio name and just taking the "carrot" identity. because i realized i didn't like people thinking about me as an impersonal studio and wanted to just be me, carrot, interacting with people, making games, and getting unhinged about my chars and stories

is this the right way to do it???? i have no idea. but perhaps since i never have any aspirations of grandeur and don't plan to be any kind of business, it's fine for me. and while it's true that i don't like to post, reblog, interact with, content unrelated to my games or other VN stuff, that's mostly because i don't want to annoy people who i know only follow me for game stuff (i worry about annoying people a lot, actually, it might be one of the core foundations for how i handle myself online LMAO). i don't have any other presence online though. once i started my game dev stuff, carrot became me, and it's all that's out there. so it's not like i need to "separate" anything. but also i'm not a very avid user of social media in general so it's not like i have an active desire to have different accounts so i can tweet about or comment on other stuff lakdjfasd i'm an old socially anxious duck who gets mentally exhausted just scrolling my feed. i don't need to spend any more time online than i already do with my game dev stuff hahaha. i do know some other devs though for instance that have private accounts on twitter just for their friends and more personal thoughts. so that's always an option too

as for what you should do in your own situation with your own online presence, i'm not really sure, as it all comes down to what you want. for me, since i didn't have much presence anyway, and because i wanted my game dev stuff to be its own thing, it made sense for me to create a new presence just for game dev (that eventually evolved into my entire self LKDJFAS). so it's hard for me to say what would be the best course of action if you already have an online presence that forms a core part of your identity that you don't want to lose. it also depends on what you want to eventually do with your games and if you see yourself really wanting to pursue it actively and make it a big part of your life. most devs that i know do have "game dev" presences for lack of a better word, where if you go to their accounts, it's just for game dev. or they create studios and studio accounts. i think no matter what you decide to do, even if you keep the name the same, it would probably be best to at least keep your game dev stuff separate, because people could potentially be put off from following an account for games but then their feed gets filled with a lot of non-game stuff from you that they don't care about

no matter what you decide to do though, i recommend being yourself no matter what. whether you keep with your same identity or craft a new game dev only one, still do what feels right for you on that account and be yourself and have fun with it!! game dev can already be such an isolating and hard experience, so creating a space where you can be silly and have fun with other devs and fun with your chars and ideas can really help so much to give you motivation and just enjoy your time creating games!!!

(sorry if this was a complete ramble that didn't even still fully answer the question; i can only speak from my own personal experiences that i went through after all and i don't really have any good or professional answers since i also have no idea what i'm doing most of the time 🤣)

[postalninja]

Fic Author Q&A

Tagged by @cicaklah - thanks babe! (sorry if my answers end up vague or unsatisfying, it's past midnight and i would be in bed if there wasn't a music festival currently happening outside my window - I"m not exactly at my best lol)

1. Why do you write fanfic?

It started from the desire to make fictional characters kiss, which is still a large part of why I do it, so let's go with that.

2. Which of your posted stories do you think about the most, even though the story is “finished”?

I don't really know - I tend to think about a lot of my stories pretty often after they're finished, I'm not sure that there is a specific one I fixate on. They all get a bit of time in my brain, and i tend to go and re-read stuff too.

3. If you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

S l o w d o w n. Don't be afraid of big word counts, it'll take as many words as it takes, and rushing toward the finish line will just make the pacing suffer. Make room for the moments in between, let the story breathe.

4. What’s your relationship to fic stats?

Lately I've found that not looking at them in too much detail is better. Over the summer I found myself looking at my stats for validation, and of course, not finding it there. But the problem is in my head, not on the stats page. So they are just numbers that are there, and if I need to check something specific, then that's a useful thing to have.

5. Is there a pairing or scenario or friendship you miss writing? If so, why? If not, why not?

I've really fallen off of writing for Hitman over the past couple of years, with only one short ficlet as a recent offering. It's one of the fandoms were my muse has been fleeting, but the fandom is so wonderful that I miss being a more active participant in it.

6. What motivates you to write?

Lately I have a pretty hard time writing without having clear inspiration, so that's the most surefire motivation is just being struck by an idea that grabs me and won't let go until I get it down on the page. But that sort of inspiration is hard to come by, so I haven't been writing very much in its absence.

7. Why do you write for the fandom(s) that you write for?

In most cases it's because I have a ship I'm obsessed with, and if not that than just general love for the game (it's almost always a game, let's not kid ourselves) and the characters. It's hard for me to write for a fandom unless I'm at least a little bit unhealthily obsessed with it.

8. If you’re stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

Normally I will take a break, and some of those breaks have turned out longer than others... I have a few unfinished wips that are an albatross around my neck, and I'm not sure how to go about finishing them.

9. What do you wish people knew about comments?

They are all an author wants! We want to hear about what you liked and why, and given the chance we would talk your ear off about our fics, so don't ever feel like you're bothering an author by commenting something nice on their fic, we are looking for that engagement and validation.

10. Maybe there’s a question you wish had been on here. What’s that question (and answer)?

What's something you've been excited about/feeling good about recently with your writing? One thing I will mention is that a few days ago I went back and read a bunch of free writing exercises I did for a class last semester that i hadn't looked at since - I had completely forgotten about most of them, but when I read them again the majority of them were so good! It kind of bolstered my confidence that I had that kind of quality output from 10-minute warmups where I wasn't thinking too hard. Like, even though I haven't written much lately, I still know how to write!!

Not tagging anyone specific, just whoever want to do it because I am too tired to think and decide :)

[writtenfangirl]

Good morning/afternoon/ night! Im sorry to bother you, but I just finished reading youre," Broken Promises" post and I just wanted to say it was so amazingly good! I would like to ask if you could possibly make a part 2 where Steve finds out that the reader had left and maybe just the aftermath of everything. (If you mentioned/made a part 2 already and this is all non needed Im sorry I must have skiped over it lol) anyways, if you get to read this I hope you have had a good day and thank you for wrighting such a masterpiece even tho you said you didn't like it to much(which would be another good reason to ignor my ask)

Have an amazing day!(sorry this is so long. I've never made an ask before and I nerviously ramble.)

Broken Promises pt. 2

This took forever. College is a nightmare and I will never encourage anyone to go through it ever.

The whole fic's 6,544 words so it's quite lengthy. It's also unedited.

Link to Part 1: Broken Promises

Dear Steve,

I’m sorry. 

I know my apologies are not enough and will never be enough. There is nothing I could possibly say or do that could absolve me of my sins. I—

The words were a pitiful imitation of her true feelings. She was never a powerful writer and though she hoped to send a message to Steve—even one that didn’t properly encapsulate her feelings—in the hopes that he may one day forgive her, she refused to send him this. 

She let out a growl of frustration before she crumpled the paper in her hand and set it aflame, the temperature so high that it didn’t even leave a speck of ash. 

Two months. 

That’s how long it’d been since she last spoke to Steve, since she left Earth to become Queen of Asgard. Since she abandoned the man she loved to fulfill her duties to her people.

Two months of pain and misery. 

Two months of teary nights and anguished mornings.

Two months of self-reproach and restless sleep.

She stood up abruptly, the chair scraping against the marble floor of her room. She only had one destination in mind, the same destination she went to every time she remembered Steve. Which, in truth, was nearly every hour of every waking day. 

What was Steve eating for breakfast?

What was Steve doing now?

What did Steve say when he saw her leave him?

How did he react when he say her message?

Did he hate her?

Did he feel abandoned?

Will he ever forgive her?

Will—

She let out another frustrated groan before she stopped the questions that began filling her mind. She was beginning to spiral again. One thought led to another and before she knew it, she was curled up in a ball somewhere in the darkest corner of Asgard, bawling her eyes out as guilt, resentment, pain and hurt consumed her. 

Her mother or one of her brothers usually went to find her when she was having one of her episodes. The thought of one of them finding her again had a flush of embarrassment reddening her cheeks.

She was never one to take note of the passing of time. As the goddess of the sun and of prophecy, she was aware that the future was not concrete and that time was fluid. There was also the fact that she was an immortal. Counting time was futile, at least she use to think so. 

Now it’s all she did. 

Two months, three days, 8 minutes and 12 seconds since she left Earth. 

Days felt like weeks and weeks felt like decades. She felt as though she’d aged centuries in the few months she spent on Asgard and if it wasn’t for her reflection in the mirror every morning, she would have thought she’d look as old as her father did before he passed. 

She grunted before her elegant purple gown burned away into her golden armor. 

She just wanted to go hit something. 

Or someone. 

It didn’t really matter. All she wanted to do was find an outlet for her emotions before she set fire to the palace. 

She was never a hateful creature but resentment had begun to build at her heart and seeing her brothers happy, or at the very least content, with their lot in life had jealousy writhing in her body. 

She used to be happy once.

Now all she felt was anger and resentment. 

She never let that cloud her judgement though. 

Despite her father’s death and the expectation that the Nine Realms would fall in chaos as the crown passed hands, the Nine Realms was prospering. Not even Jotunheim had thought to launch an assault against her. Her kingdom was at peace, her subjects were happy and they would prosper and thrive. 

She almost resented that too. 

She never thought herself a hateful person but sacrificing everything she ever wanted, her happiness and a future with the man she loved, would have turned even a saint into the same bitter creature she was now.

She trudged out of her room, out of the golden palace and walked the long path towards the rainbow bridge. 

She ignored her subjects as she passed them, save for a strained smile she let out here and there.

She was sure even they had felt a change in her. 

When she was still a princess, she was beloved. Perhaps it made her arrogant to think so but the Asgardians did love her and she loved them in return. She would visit her people often, especially those of them who encountered problems she knew she could find a solution for. She was a constant in their world, or, at least, she use to be. 

Now all she did was shut herself in her gilded palace or stay at the Rainbow Bridge. 

She finally found her way to the Bridge and she continued her path.

As she walked, her mind fluttered from one future to another.

It wasn’t her future she was concerned with anyway. 

She plucked each individual thread, scanning through the length of Steve’s long future. 

Another surge of frustration swelled within her. 

Why couldn’t she see?

A sudden needle of panic pricked at her. Could Steve be dead and that’s why she couldn’t see his future?

No. That wasn’t it. 

She saw a glimpse of his old withered face, smiling. She couldn’t see who or what he was smiling at but it brought Y/N peace to know that Steve lives a fruitful life. 

So what could be blocking her sight?

“You’ll tire yourself out that way, your majesty.”

Y/N hadn’t realized that she’d arrived at the golden chamber that housed Heimdall’s usual domain. 

There he stood, his golden armor shining as brightly as his golden eyes, his hands holding the key to the Bifrost firmly. 

Y/N’s once lurid purple eyes settled back to her usual E/C. 

She regarded her old friend thoughtfully. “I guess it’s in moments such as this where I wish I had your abilities, Heimdall. The future is never set in stone but the present? How I wish I can see him.”

“He is well,” Heimdall said evenly. 

Y/N’s come to interpret those words to mean “Steve is physically alright.” but something in Heimdall’s tone had a lead ball forming in Y/N’s stomach. 

“Heimdall, are you telling me the truth?” Y/N said softly. 

He seemed to hesitate, his gold eyes trained on Y/N carefully. As if assessing whether her reaction would be volatile. 

A needle of irritation stabbed at her. Did Heimdall think her so weak?

“Heimdall,” Y/N said, her voice the voice of a regal queen. “What is it?”

“Prince Thor made me swear not to tell you. I apologize, my queen.”

“Fine,” Y/N bristled, her voice clipped. “Where is my brother?”

Heimdall hesitated again. 

“Where is my brother, Heimdall?” Y/N’s eyes blazed, her irritation growing.

“Your brother is in Midgard attending matters with your friends.” Heimdall finally said. 

Heimdall’s words were enough to harden the lead in her stomach, turning it into her solid resolution.

“Bring me down there.”

“Lady Y/N—“

“Heimdall,” Y/N said sharply, shedding the voice of a friend turning into the fiery queen. “I command you to bring me to Earth.“

Heimdall dipped his head in a bow. “Very well, my lady.”

Y/N stepped up onto the raised platform and watched as Heimdall turned the key, opening the Bifrost. 

She let the large column of light and colors blast cocoon around her, her body suddenly traveling faster than the speed of light, Heimdall soon disappearing from her line of sight. 

Before a second had even passed, she felt her body land on solid ground. 

She smelled Midgard before she saw it. 

It smelled of rain, petrichor permeating her senses. The grass was still damp in places where the Bifrost hadn’t scorched its patterns on the earth and tiny little dew drops refracted the light of the morning sun.

There was a notable chill in the air and judging from the yellow and orange leaves that were falling from the trees, it was the crest of autumn.

She knew the walk to the compound like the back of her hand and was half-surprised that she hadn’t triggered any safety protocols.

Her magic began to wrap around her body and a near blinding light surrounded her as her golden armor shifted into her Midgardian clothes. In place of her golden armor was a deep violet dress that reached a little below her knees, paired with golden sandals. She didn’t bother changing her twin swords and they stuck out behind her in a gold X formation.

She couldn’t quite put her finger on it but there was a strange atmosphere within the compound that she couldn’t quite place. 

She walked through the front door, past the hallway leading to the kitchen and dining area and went straight to the living room. 

Normally, the compound would be bustling in activity at this time, despite how early it was. Steve, Bucky and Sam would be back from their daily morning run, panting and sweaty but nonetheless joking around in the living room. Tony and Bruce, who would be working all night in the lab with Y/N, would emerge from their cave at around this time for a spot or breakfast. Vision would be preparing breakfast in the kitchen with the help of Wanda while Natasha watched on, occasionally adding her own input.

But instead, the compound was silent. 

The living room was empty, or at least, she thought it was. 

There was figure laying down on the couch, bundled up in a woolen blanket to avoid the frigid air. They had the blanket pulled over their head, giving Y/N a hard time to identify who it was. She approached the sleeping form and saw strands red hair peeking out from beneath the blanket. 

She hated to wake Natasha but something told her that this was more important than her friend’s rest. 

“Nat,” she shook the super spy awake. “Nat, wake up.”

This wasn’t the first time Y/N had awoken her friend. With Natasha Romanoff being one of the most covert super spies/assassins in the world, she wasn’t one to sleep soundly and unprepared and so Y/N half expected a knife to be pointed at her face or a half-concealed gun hitting her abdomen. 

Instead, Natasha simply groaned, which worried Y/N deeply. 

“Nat, it’s me,” Y/N said, shaking Natasha once again. 

Natasha’s eyes fluttered open, her eyelashes hitting her cheek as she struggled to open her eyes. It seemed to take her a good 30 seconds before she registered who was standing before her. 

“Y/N, oh my god.” Natasha leapt from the couch, her arms wrapping around Y/N’s neck. She moved so quickly, Y/N barely had time to adjust her position before they both fell to the floor. “I can’t believe you’re here! Thor told us he didn’t tell you anything and I was so worried I thought that maybe something had happened and that’s why you’re not here and—“

Natasha spoke quickly, her words stumbling over each other. 

“Stop, Natasha,” Y/N gripped Nat’s shoulders and Nat seemed to sag against her in defeat, “slower. What is happening?”

There was no hesitation in Natasha’s eyes as she spoke. “It’s Steve. He’s hurt.”

A sudden ringing exploded in Y/N’s ears, drowning out Natasha’s words saved a few. 

Touch and go. 

Worst part is over but I’m not so sure. 

We were on a mission in the Philippines. There’s an old army base there…

Natasha’s words were inconsequential to her. 

This is why she couldn’t see Steve. Why all she saw were glimpses. His present was in mortal danger and his future slipped through his fingers like sand. 

She looked at Natasha intently. There were bags under Natasha’s eyes as dark as the bruises that was peppered her body, an especially prominent one peeking out from the sleeve of her shirt. Her hair was in disarray, her skin paler than that of death. Y/N’s known Natasha a long time and something about Natasha’s unkempt appearance had a jolt of unease shaking her spine, making goosebumps rise on her arms. She realized that she has never seen Nat look so… defeated before.

“Where is he?” Her words were sharp, stone grating against stone. 

Natasha didn’t even flinch at her tone. “In the infirmary, recovering.”

She left Nat behind her, stumbling up towards the infirmary. 

She didn’t imagine that the compound would be so painful.

She saw herself here, happy and carefree. She saw herself with Steve in these halls, the way they danced around in the living room in the middle as he hummed them their song quietly; the cakes and cookies they snuck around behind the backs of the team; the treadmills they spent hours on, trying to one up the other; the meals they spent with each other in the conference rooms in an effort to spend some one-on-one time with each other.

And the hanger that kept the team’s vehicles where she last saw Steve.

Where she bid him good bye, making a promise she didn’t know she wouldn’t have been able to keep.

She pushed the memories away.

The past didn’t matter right now. The present did.

She managed to run the rest of the way to the infirmary, where she found the rest of the team gathered around Steve. 

“Y/N,” Thor said in surprise when the group turned around.

Y/N didn’t spare her brother a glance. Her eyes were trained on Steve and his sleeping form. He was shirtless, his creamy white skin looking even paler than Y/N remembered. He had stitches on his forehead, a giant bruise the size of her hand near his abdomen and a giant sewn up slash at the other side of his torso.

Steve Rogers looked like death.

“He looked a lot worse yesterday,” Tony mumbled, as if sensing where Y/N’s thoughts were going. “There are some perks to being a super soldier.”

“What happened?” Y/N’s voice was as thin as paper.

Bruce made a move to answer but before the words left his mouth, Y/N simply said, “Scratch that. I don’t think I want to know.”

Because if she knew who did this, if she knew what happened, there was nothing and no one that could stop her from finding the people who did this to the man she loved and burning them where they stood.

“His vitals are stable,” Bruce said in a placating tone. “He’s just resting for now. We gave him some morphine for the pain but his supersoldier body burns through the stuff.”

For the first time since she stepped in the room, she looked around. She easily ignored the white sterile walls of the infirmary, of the hi-tech machines that she helped Tony built as they combined magic and science. She even managed to ignore the steady beeping sound of the machine that was taking note of Steve’s heartbeat.

Instead, her eyes swept across her friends.

They looked as shitty as Natasha did.

Bags under their eyes, their skin sallow and ashy. Bruce had a faint, five o’clock shadow beginning to grow at his face and Tony was sporting a large bruise around his eyes that had begun to darken. Bucky was there too, his face gaunt, eyes bloodshot. Even Sam, who was usually jolly enough to be able to lighten any situation stayed stoically silent.

Her brother was the only one of them who looked well rested but with the permanent frown on his face, Y/N could see that Steve’s condition was beginning to take a toll on him too.

“Was it that bad?” Y/N asked, her voice low and quiet, a mother coaxing answers out of her children.

“You should have seen the other guy,” Sam said. Y/N could see his concentrated effort as he tried to make himself sound better than he actually felt but Sam’s words fell flat in dejection.

Y/N frowned at them. “When was the last time you all rested?”

Bucky only shrugged. “We take shifts. Wanda, Natasha and Vision spent the entire night with him. It’s our turn now.”

“Did you actually sleep last night?”

Judging by the resounding silence that came from the group, it was a huge no.

“Go rest.”

Tony’s head snapped to her. “What? Y/N, you—“

“This is not a negotiation, Stark,” Y/N said firmly, injecting some of her queenly voice into her command, “go rest. All of you. Thor and I will watch Steve. None of you are allowed to come back until you’ve seen to your own injuries and you’re able to get a full 8 hours of sleep. I’ll have Friday notify the team if there are any changes.”

Bruce made a move to argue but something about Y/N’s expression had the scientist stopping himself. Instead, with stiff backs and tired forms, they retreated from the infirmary.

“Good to see you again, Y/N. Thought it would be under better circumstances but at least you’ll be he here when he wakes up,” Tony said with a sigh before he left, leaving Y/N alone with her brother and a comatose Steve Rogers.

It was silent for a while, the beeping of the machines that kept Steve alive the only thing that filled that the quiet void. 

Y/N could feel her brother’s uneasy glances towards her despite the fact that her eyes were focused on the steady rising and falling of Steve’s pale chest. While she knew the real reason for the enmity that was radiating off of her was because the love of her life was knocking on death’s door, she couldn’t stop the anger that was directed at her brother as it filled her heart. In fact, she relished it. 

“Whatever you’re thinking, brother, spit it out,” her words were short, curt. There was no mistaking the anger there. 

“Heimdall told you.”

There was no question in his voice. He knew the words ringed true even if Y/N didn’t confirm it. 

“You told him not to tell me. Are you my keeper now, Thor?”

Y/N could practically feel Thor flinch at the cold ice in her words. 

“I did not want to worry you, sister.”

“What did you think would happen, Thor?” The Queen of Asgard turned to her brother, her eyes blazing. Her body was tense, anger and rage replacing the blood that coursed through her veins. The temperature in the room began to spike and Y/N watched as sweat began to collect on her brother’s brow. “That because I accepted the position as Asgard’s queen, I would cease using my abilities on Steve?”

Thor scowled at her, refusing to cower under her intense glare. “You were a ghost, Y/N. I thought it best you didn’t know, lest I wanted you to get worse.”

“Would you have told me if he’d died?” Y/N challenged, her voice beginning to rise as she spat out her words, “Or would I continue to fruitlessly search for his future, a future he would never have?”

“No—“

“I have sacrificed too much for Asgard. For you. For Loki and mother. You are my older brother and yet I bear the responsibility of the throne when it should have been you!” Tears had begun to sprung in her eyes, hot and wet, the trail it left behind scorching the skin of her face. She couldn’t stop herself, not anymore. Not after everything she’d had to sacrifice for everyone else’s happiness. “The one person in this entire universe that brings me joy was dying and you kept that information from me, Thor. Even to that, you felt entitled to. I could have been there, I could have helped him! I should’ve—“ a sob broke through her chest, choking the words she yearned the scream at her brother. 

Her brother who got everything he wanted. Her brother who she sacrificed so much for to be happy.

Thor’s scowling face softened, which irked Y/N even more. 

“Don’t give me that look,” Y/N said as she furiously wiped at her eyes, “I do not want your sympathies.”

But rather than fighting back, Thor reached for her, encircling her in his strong arms. 

She tried to push away from his warm embrace, beating against the Asgardian leather of his armor but Thor didn’t even seem fazed at all. 

She was stronger than this, she knew that. She was a warrior after all, one of the few who faced Thanos and live to tell about it. She herself has fought Thor at the height of each other’s power and she prevailed time and time again.

But she had no fight in her left. 

Nothing left to give to stop the torrential rain of heartbreak and sadness that threatened to drown her, was drowning her.

“It’s not fair,” Y/N sobbed as Thor held on to her tightly, her fists beating against his chest. “It’s not fair.”

Thor held her tight and Y/N could feel her body betraying her, giving into the his hug. Her big brother’s comfort was unlike anything in this world and his hug had her knees buckling, her body only being held up by her brother’s embrace. 

She could smell him, the scent of musk and cedar wood. She could feel his long blonde hair tickling her cheek as her tears soaked its tip. Y/N felt Thor’s arms tighten around her and it took her a while to realize that the sound of her sobs were drowning her brother’s words. 

“It’s not fair.”

“I know.”

“It’s not fair.”

“I’m sorry, sister.”

“I just wanted to be happy.”

“And I will make it so.”

At that, Y/N pulled away. The tears that shrouded her eyes blurred her brother’s face but there was no mistaking the steely determination that wove itself in the wrinkles of his brow. 

“What?” Her voice was small, quiet even, as she wiped at her eyes, seeing her brother clearly. 

“I cannot keep seeing you like this,” Thor said as he rested his hands on Y/N’s shoulder, a grounding guide that cemented her feet to reality. “Seeing you mope around Asgard, cold and unfeeling except whenever you wish to cry, has made me realize something. You’re right, Y/N. It is not fair of me to rob you of your happiness. As your big brother, I have always wanted what’s best for you but fear for the future of Asgard has clouded my judgment. I let you take my responsibility, carrying with it all of its burdens and for that, I am truly sorry. You do not know of the future of my reign and though that scares me, knowing the present of yours, your misery and anger and resentment, saddens me. Sister, if you would let me, I will retake the throne and all the burdens that come with it.”

Y/N sniffled, surprised at all she was hearing. Thor taking the throne from her? 

She waited for a sense of foreboding to come, a sense of jealousy and betrayal and yet she felt was relief. And guilt. Guilt that began to prick at her shriveled up heart. Could she truly ask her brother to give up his own joy for hers? Y/N was many things but selfish was never one of them. “But what of your missions fighting for peace in the Nine Realms? I cannot take that from you.” 

“There are no more fights, sister,” Thor said, not unkindly.

“There are always fights,” Y/N replied. 

“Not today. Not tomorrow. Your reign, however short, has strengthened Asgard. None of our enemies dare to make a move against us. I am free of my obligations as Asgard’s prince. Now I must take up the mantle and become its king.”

“But what if they attack again? If our enemies aren’t reminded of our strength, you and I both know they will attack.”

“Then we fight,” Thor gave Y/N a grim look. “Father may have been king but he was a warrior, stronger than even you or me. Should I become king, I will not abandon my people in a fight and I know you won’t too.”

“But Thor—“

“Y/N, I have decided,” Thor said, his blue eyes staring intently in her own E/C ones. “I love you. You are my sister and I have failed you by forcing you to take my responsibility. You deserve to be happy, more than any one of us. You have sacrificed much and have received too little in return.”

“But you won’t be happy,” Y/N insisted, “I would rather live with my resentment than my guilt, Thor. And guilt is all I will feel should you do this for me.”

Thor smiled softly. His eyes, clear as a sky on a beautiful summer day, was trained on her intently. “Sister, I wish for you to listen to me closely. Loki and I have discussed this and though I wish to take on the burden of the crown alone, I know you will not let me. So in this, Loki has found a solution. We rule, all three of us, together. There will not be one king or queen but two kings and a queen. Us. The three of us ruling Asgard as a unit.”

Y/N blinked back at her brother in confusion. A unit? “What? I have never heard of such a thing.”

“It is a good plan, no?” Thor said, his face cracking into a smile.

“It is unhinged,” Y/N said cautiously. “We would squabble relentlessly, as we always do. We will never agree on anything.”

“Which is why Loki and I have thought of a solution to that,” Thor’s grin was widening and Y/N had to quell her own joy. His smile was infectious and Y/N almost wanted to smile back at him. She had always been the more cautious of the three siblings. She was the smart one, the one who stopped her fighting brothers, who stopped Loki from stabbing Thor and ceased the bickering between the two. Y/N was the one who reasoned with Thor whenever he got too rough and was the one who listened to Loki rant about the unfairness of his life.

But this, this solution that her crazy brother have concocted could be the answer to all their problems.

Thor continued his explanation. “I will handle Asgard’s military exploits, as that is my strength. Loki will handle life at court as he fits.”

“And I?” 

“You will do both. When you think either of us are doing things we shouldn’t, then your word will be the final word and we will stop.”

Y/N grinned. “I am to be your leash?”

“Yes,” Thor said with a firm nod, matching Y/N’s grin. “You will be our leash. That way, you do not always have to be in Asgard, only when one of us calls upon you to deal with the other. You get to spend time here on Earth as you see fit and Loki and I will accomplish our own duties to Asgard.”

“Father must be rolling in his grave,” Y/N muttered. “This is the craziest idea we have ever had. With the throne divided into three, our enemies will think us weak.”

“Then we show them nothing but strength.”

“And what of mother? What are her thoughts on the matter?”

“Loki has spoken with her and she wishes to see her children happy. This is the only way all three of us are happy.”

Y/N mulled the idea over. There was only really one way to know whether or not the idea will work. 

Y/N’s face glazed over, her once E/C eyes turning into a brilliant violet. Y/N could see flashes of her future repairing itself back. Steve, smiling and happy, Y/N happy along with him. She could see heartbreak in the future, as that was inevitable with an immortal who loves a mortal, but she pushed that aside. She did not care about that for now.

Instead her eyes saw the golden throne room of Asgard. Her sitting in the middle, her brothers’ towering figures sitting next to her. Three glittering crowns rested on each of their heads, their faces regal yet kind. They looked like a unit and they looked… happy.

Yes. 

That’s what that was.

Happiness was radiating off of the three of them like beams of sunlight that drowned out the darkness. 

Gone was the coldness that Y/N had previously seen when she sat on the golden throne alone. Instead, her brothers and her was radiating joy, contentment, even love. 

“What is it? What do you see?” Thor asked earnestly.

“A future,” Y/N said in a daze. Her eyes focused, losing its violet tint. “Our future. And Thor it is wonderful.” 

Excitement lit Thor’s eyes up. “So this will work?”

“I’m not saying there won’t be hardships but yes. It will work.”

For the first time in months, Y/N felt something blossom in her chest. She felt the warm blanket of hope settle in her chest, filling the once gaping hole in her heart. 

This time, the tears and streamed down her face was not of anguish but pure unbridled joy. 

She leapt into her brother’s arms, squeezing him tightly as she breathed in his scent of cedar wood. She could feel the frantic beating of her heart, the ice that once surrounded it now thawed. 

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you,” She muttered the words repeatedly, a reverent prayer that was swallowed up by the sound of her own blubbering sobs.

“For you, sister. Anything,” Thor said, hugging her equally as hard.

Y/N pulled away, wiping at her teary eyes. “We must draft the decree as soon as possible. We cannot keep our people in the dark about this. And the team. We need to tell them too. I want to live on Earth as much as I can and—“ her voice cracked, her eyes darting towards Steve, “—I don’t know if Steve will ever forgive me for leaving.”

“He will forgive you because he loves you, this I know to be true. Everyday I was on Earth and you were not were days Steve asked about your wellbeing. His love for you burns strong and if this separation has proven anything, it is that you two are meant for one another,” Thor said, his voice laced with determination as he pushed her back down towards the chair she once occupied beside Steve. “You will stay here. I will alert the team and then I will return home to help Loki in drafting the decree. We will declare the decree as soon as you can return to Asgard. Alert me if there are any problems.”

Y/N simply nodded, the elation that filled her chest now shriveling at the sight of Steve’s lifeless body. 

Y/N barely registered when Thor exited the room and her exceptional hearing certainly didn’t register when he spoke to the team regarding her tenure at the compound. All of Y/N’s concentration was focused on the man sleeping by her side.

The steady rise and fall of Steve’s chest was the only thing Y/N focused on.

Humans were fragile beings. Even if Steve had the supersoldier serum flowing through his veins, even if was worthy of Mjolnir, even if he was stronger than most human beings, it didn’t erase the fact that he was still human.

Three weeks without food would kill him. Three days without water would kill him. Three minutes without oxygen would kill him. Time would kill him.

It was difficult to imagine that this man, this wonderful man who stood up against Thanos, who wielded Mjolnir, who fought against hundreds of alien creatures far more powerful than he was, could be defeated so easily. Seeing him this way, so pale and fragile had a snake of misery curling around Y/N’s heart.

She knew that death was inevitable for Steve. He would die and she wouldn’t. She would carry on living for thousands of years while Steve’s body withered into dust and bones. Even though Y/N was one of the foremost minds in the universe with both magic and science at her fingertips, not even she could stop death. Theirs is a love doomed from the start.

A sudden feeling of hopelessness slammed into her.

What was 60 years to the life of an immortal? For her to sacrifice so much—the throne, her brother’s happiness—for 60 years with Steve? She knew it was worth it but doubt had begun to creep in. 

She looked at his face. He was serene, his eyes closed, his breathing deep. He looked as he always did whenever Y/N watched him fall asleep. Peaceful and relaxed. Well, with the exception of his stitched up forehead.

She brushed her warm fingers over is cold hand, feeling the rough callouses on his palm, the hard planes of his fingernails, the deep crevices that marred the surface. 

She intertwined their fingers, her small hand feeling secure against Steve’s giant hand. At his touch, all the doubt that had crept in, all the hesitation and trepidation, the fear that had ice coating her heart, melted away.

Time with Steve, no matter how short, will be worth it. A human lifetime of joy and happiness would cause her an insurmountable amount of grief in her long immortal life for when Steve passes but it will be worth it. After all, what is grief if not a reminder of the love that had once permeated a person’s life?

She felt Steve’s fingers begin to curl around her hand. Her eyes snapped towards his face to find his wonderful smile, his beautiful blue eyes crinkled at the sides. His once pale skin flushed as color rushed to his cheeks, washing away the death that chased him.

“You look like you’re thinking of something deep.” His voice was just as Y/N remembered it to be. A deep tenor that knew the right notes to play in order to dance with her emotions.

She tightened her hold on Steve’s hand. “Queens are prone to fits of deep contemplation. It’s an inevitable side effect that comes with the job.”

“Side effect, huh,” Steve said as he pulled his body up in a sitting position. He didn’t even so much as grunt in pain. “I think I prefer being able to drink without getting drunk.”

Y/N was never one for idle talk and she couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Steve, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I left and broke my promise. I’m sorry that I was too much of a coward not to wait for you to come back. I could apologize to you for a thousand years and still not earn your forgiveness. I—“

“Y/N, stop,” Steve tugged her hand, placing a soft kiss on her palm. “I understand why you left. You don’t have to apologize.”

“Yes, I do,” Y/N insisted. “How can you forgive me that easily? I betrayed your trust!”

He smirked at her. “As far as betrayals go, running off to rule your kingdom after your father’s death is one of the nobler ones.”

“Steve—“

“I forgave you a long time ago. I understand why you left, you don’t have to apologize for that.” He tugged their intertwined hands forcefully enough that Y/N stood up from her chair. “Now, come here. I miss my girlfriend and I’d like to give her a hug before she has to leave again.”

Y/N climbed into the bed with Steve. She wasn’t entirely sure it was a good idea for her to encroach on her boyfriend’s space after he’d been severely injured but Steve didn’t seem to mind. She also knew Steve long enough to know that nothing would stand in his way if he wanted something and right now, what he wanted was to hold her. She felt Steve’s massive arms wrap around her body as she settled into the warm blankets. 

Steve’s scent seemed to envelope around her like a cocoon. She could hear the steady beating of his heart against is chest, could feel the rising and falling of his chest in time with his breathing. They lay side by side, her hand pressed against Steve’s chest, his fingers tracing a pattern around her back that had her shivering.

“You know, when you left, I almost lost my mind,” Steve’s voice seemed to rumble from his chest. “I was hurt. You left so suddenly and I had plans for us. You know, we even managed to get home early and I was so excited for the dinner I’d planned because I knew how happy I was going to make you. But then you were gone and the only thing I had left of you was a video of your goodbye. I was angry at you.”

“That’s a valid emotional human response,” Y/N said, pushing away her feeling of guilt. Steve clearly needed to get whatever he wanted to say off his chest and Y/N will endure whatever negative emotion she has to feel if it meant Steve would feel better.

Steve continued tracing patterns around her back and mind followed the trail of his fingers. Was he tracing dots and dashes on her skin? “But then I realized that it was selfish of me to be angry with you. For me to be angry at you because you ran off to do the noble thing of leading your people would make me a pretty terrible person. All I want to do now is to cherish whatever time we can spend with each other no matter how short.”

At that, Y/N couldn’t stop her grin. “About that…”

Steve paused, his finger hovering in the air. “You’re not leaving so soon right?”

“Quite the opposite, really.”

“You’re staying?” Steve’s grin was infectious and a smile began to pull at Y/N’s own lips. Steve’s finger continued to trace the little pattern he was making.

“Yes.”

“What about Asgard?”

“My brothers and I have made a plan. I’ll tell you later. Right now I just want to enjoy this moment.” She snuggled closer to Steve, letting the joy and happiness she felt run wild. It felt like centuries since she last felt this happy and the temperature in the room reflected her emotions. It felt like a beautiful summer day as the smell of orange blossoms filtered through the white sterile room of the infirmary.

Y/N had begun to decipher the pattern Steve had been tracing. Dots followed by a series of dashes. Was that morse code?

“Are you tracing morse code on my skin?” She peered at Steve through her lashes, an eyebrow raised in question.

Steve’s grin widened. “Yes.”

“What are you writing?”

“I love you.”

Her own grin widened. “I love you too.”

[nontoxic-writes]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thanks so much @cha-melodius and @stereopticons for the tags! i am very late on this but also i mostly use tumblr on mobile and they make it impossible to copy & paste these things lol

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18! it feels like it should be less though, i swear ive only written like five

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

288,090. Let's not talk about the word count of my wip folder.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now, Red, White and Royal Blue. I have a couple Top Gun wips I still hope to publish and I used to write for Schitt's Creek.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'd Swing With You for the Fences (Schitt's Creek, E, 87k; celeb/baseball AU)

Even If it's Just Pretend (RWRB, E, ongoing; exes-to-fake-dating-to-lovers canon divergence)

You and My Hometown (Schitt's Creek, E, 38k, holiday exes/fwb AU)

I'll Keep Your Brittle Heart Warm (Schitt's Creek, E, 13k, sequel oneshot to ISWYFTF)

A Simple Complication (Schitt's Creek, E, 8k, fwb singles week AU)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yep! I am behind from a couple fics but I've been responding on my current multichap and i WILL one day catch up, even if it'll be two years late.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I haven't written a single angsty ending lol

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Currently, I'd say You and My Hometown just because it's the angstiest complete fic I have and the end goes a few years ahead in their happily ever after.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah sometimes. A couple backhanded compliments, too. Sometimes I wish people would just stop reading it, and if they feel like they have to finish, at least stop commenting if they're not liking it.

Also like... authors can see your public bookmarks. If you're gonna be even vaguely disparaging in there... maybe click the "private bookmark" checkbox.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I don't consider myself a smut writer, because I tend to think of smut as a separate genre, if that makes sense? I definitely write some smutty scenes, but I don't write pwp or smut for smut's sake (thank you to those of you who do, truly doing the lord's work).

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't, but there is a Descendants AU in my Schitt's WIP folder lmfao.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, thank god.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but that would be so lovely!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I have written as part of a group project where we each wrote a chapter: The Blouse Barn Divorce Ranch.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

It honestly is probably firstprince. I've been so in love with them for four years, the book truly changed my life.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Schitt's Creek superhero AU. When I tell you that the plot twist I had planned for that was gonna be so good... RIP.

Also my Schitt's Creek apocalypse AU that I had written the beginning and ending for and could never get the middle right ugh.

Also also my Top Gun wrong number sexting WIP.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Working in canon elements. Which, maybe I should focus on plot and characters instead if I ever want to publish original work whoops.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions. I don't visualize when I read, so I never really bother with mundane descriptions when I write. I need to remember some readers do need those details when reading, even if I don't.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I won't do it unless it's something I can run by a native speaker.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I honestly don't even know. Maybe Buffy?

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Even If it's Just Pretend. It's been such a labor of love and some of my absolute favorite lines are in it.

But also the Schitt's Creek Penelope AU, The Rumors Are Terrible and Cruel. I love Penelope so much and weaving that in with some of my favorite characters was such a blast. I wish more people had read it lol.

Okay like I said, I'm super late to this, so no idea who has done this yet. Tagging @lilythesilly, @maxbegone, @roseapothecary and @kiwiana-writes just in case any of yall haven't done it!

[hadrian-pendragons]

HELLOOO its the one who ask about your fics again lol (sorry if I'm bothering you )

Since it's Ukyo's birthday, please tell me what make you like Ukyo as a character ( why notice him in a vast amount of people in dr stone and when did you know that you like him) have a nice day (can we please have an estimate time when you'll post a new ff - if there isn't it's fine! Please take your time!! And I AM SOOOO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT you will consider writing a sequel to Ocean Tide! I can wait for a year or 2 tbh as long as you're still writing and okay in life)

(Don’t worry about it, I love getting asks!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVORITE CHARACTER EVER!!

As for why I came to like Ukyou so much—it’s kind of related to writing him. Me and a friend were co-writing something for fun, and he turned into a major character. I ended up in love with writing him and his perspective.

I got attached to him because (in my interpretation of him) he is a character that values peace above all else—to the point of refusing to engage in conflict and looking for every alternative possible, which is something that can end up a flaw (backed up by his actions in Tsukasa’s Empire and to an extent in the treasure island arc). While in Tsukasa’s Empire, he never really had his allegiance questioned—something I like to attribute to his ability to keep his emotions in check and hidden behind a mask (or a smile). In that arc, his moral code gets backed into a corner. He turns a blind eye to Tsukasa shattering statues and, knowing he was horribly outmatched if he were to act out, tried (and failed) to tell himself it wasn’t equal to murder.

That kind of leads up to one of my favorite scenes in the manga: Chapter 73 and 74, when Ukyou talks to Senkuu over the phone. I feel like that scene is where Ukyou knew that his only chance at doing the right thing and succeeding, rather than opposing Tsukasa on his own and recklessly, was to hope that Senkuu was someone good. (I tend to have this in their dynamic when I write them a lot, with Senkuu being Ukyou’s hope and lifeline and confidence that they could do anything (even saving the world). And with Ukyou being Senkuu’s reassurance and the calm to his chaos.)

I think I loved Ukyou when I realized he was a character that understood the world’s darkness and was afraid—not of the darkness, but of the harsh decision between self-preservation and honoring his own beliefs and morals. He’s surprisingly realistic as a character, who keeps hoping for the best even when he falters, but can tell the difference between realistic and unrealistic expectations. (Which, when Senkuu promised, delivered, and then kept going far past the bar and the standards Ukyou held while at the same time working hard to make his goals happen, makes Ukyou feel grateful to have met Senkuu at all. He doesn’t admit it, but I like to think Ukyou felt like Senkuu saved him. And maybe that’s how Ukyou starts to fall a little bit in love with him.)

That turned into an essay, but I’ve been thinking about them for way too long and they continue to surprise me. Ukyou especially is just a character I’m forever going to be attached to. I love the entire Dr. Stone cast, but I just eat up the crumbs from the manga and anime, haha

As for when I’ll have a new fic, I can’t really give an estimate on that. I’m definitely a planner, but I’ve also been unable to write a lot lately (I’m hoping to work out a better pace with writing and work, since I’m a little bit sporadic despite all the planning I do). I’ll definitely remember to post here when I have a new fic, though! I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed reading them <3 It makes my day.

I hope you have a wonderful time, whatever part of the day it is for you! It’s a good night for me, thank you for the ask!

[omi-nor]

Rules and brief about!

Welcome! This is a rp blog for ygo characters. Probably going to just stick with mostly Yami Bakura right now. But I might add others later.

Here are some general things you should know:

- I am very new to rp still. And still not super familiar with Tumblr. Still a lot of things I don't know or have never done before, so please keep this in mind

- It almost feels like my first time ever encountering ygo.

I've just picked up the manga for the 1st time about three days ago too.

- I am an adult and would prefer characters and muns to be 18+. No nsfw stuff with minors

- I really do try to read and remember everyone's rules, but sometimes I forget my own rules, so please forgive me if I forget something

- On that note, I am pretty forgetful, in general. I try to jot down notes to help with this, but there is a chance I may forget an ic interaction

- Try to give me about a week before giving me a reminder, though.

- I am VEEERY slow a lot of the time. Like, many days, maybe a week, slow. Sometimes more than a week. Not always, but just giving you a heads up.

- I try not to spam notifs or dash, but, it might happen, occasionally. I will always reblog from the source, unless the mun has made it explicitly clear that they actually prefer it be from them or don't care either way or, for some reason, I can't get to the source.

- I am kind of the exact opposite of most people, it seems. I actually would LOVE it if you went on a like spree. And I actually prefer it if you reblogged memes from me (as long as we have spoken at least once). And dash spam almost never bothers me. You can also come into my ims, that doesn't really bother me either.

- I'm not the best at # tagging stuff. I haven't really got a system going yet

- I follow #omi-nor and #ominor, but I don't look at tags very often

- Please don't be afraid to @ me for dash games, lmao. I usually love those. May not always do them, but yeah.

- I am a very heavy cell phone user, but, so far, I don't think I've run into trouble because of this. Trimming is the only big thing I have doubts about still right now.

- Rules could change. I tried my best to give some solid info here, but it could change. I'll probably make a post if there is a change?

(I really hope I'm not forgetting something because I am writing this from memory.)

- I am pretty anxious about stuff. I'm trying not to be, but it's hard.

Like, sometimes I look at a meme and there's a part of me that wants to do it, but there's also a little pang of anxiety a lot of the time. Lol, I dunno, man..

- I may not answer every ask or do everything thing. And I'm trying to get better at sometimes saying no to things. But I don't want people to get discouraged about interacting, either, lol.

I also try not to pressure other people and a lot of stuff coming from me doesn't have a whole lot of expectation attached to it. (Like, if I @ you in a dash game, for example)

- One important thing about communication: I always feel like I'm in a tug of war of trying not to talk too much to people because I'm worried I'm bothering them just a bit and then realizing I may not be talking enough, so I'm basically a stranger to them.

- "Plot something out" kinda scares me a bit, cause all the rp I've ever done - I think - was just off the cuff. Maybe it's not as scary as it sounds and maybe I've technically already plotted without knowing it. But yeah.

- I might need to take 2 or 3 weeks off from time to time. Just giving you a heads up. I'll try to say something.

- Going by Rainy for mun name. It just kinda stuck, lol.

- It's very easy for me to feel a bit overwhelmed. A part of me hates to do this, but I may need to temporarily shut down my ask box and not accept @s or #s for a bit if I feel like I have too much to do. I may need to make a very short ooc post just to let people know?

- I'm going to say, yes, all my memes have no expiration date, though.

- On a similar note, I think it's very possible I will go through your posts and send in stuff from a very long while back, in some cases. I usually assume there is no expiration date for other people's memes, but I usually try to ask first. But if there is, please feel free to ignore.

- I may or may not use icons

- If I see a reply to a thread and I am super tired, I won't read it until I've slept long enough for me to feel better (which could be a long time). I feel like being tired while reading really distorts things, so I like to only read it after I've gotten some sleep.

Honestly, the same is usually true for even ooc conversation. I just don't do well when I'm sleep deprived and sometimes I will just pass out for, like, 12 hours. (I LOVE it when this happens, though. I feel great afterwards.)

***ABOUT YAMI BAKURA***

My Yami Bakura is, right now, based off of anime English dub canon, for the most part. But now that I have the manga, it might slowly start to change a bit. Not sure.

I kinda wanted to try Ryo, but I haven't found Ryo in the English dub to be very inspiring, so far. A lot of his screen time was him just kinda flatly explaining the duels. Poor Ryo. You see glimpses of an actual character, at times, but it's rough, man.

I was debating keeping Ryo or not, but just to avoid confusion, I'm gonna wait to see what the manga has to offer.

Can I lastly just say? I really like the ygo rpc so far.

[olive-heathcliffe-notbps]

how DO alternates get attached, anyway? what does it even do other than make you not wanna kill people?

wish i knew bro it would make shit so much easier on me

but fr. its hard 2 really give a concrete answer bcuz us alts see attachment as like. taboo basically. if gabe catches you getting attached to a human it uh. its not pretty. other than the torture you get for disobeying Him you get like... exiled almost, or... whats the word He used once?

excommunicated. yeah  that one.

there have been studies on attachment though, i think the u.s... uh... well idr the exact name but it was some fancy shmancy government dept thats done a couple . havent read em though LOL

anyways. ig i can try to explain as best i can from my experience w attachment . n atlas can chime in if he wants too idk and uh . ill try to make it make sense (spoilers it probably still wont lmao). this isnt a definitive like... guide or anything im basically just posting general rambles abt what ive learned over my days lol

so. i think all alternates want to be loved, no matter how far down theyve buried that want. were conditioned from creation to think that gabriel is the only one who can love us, but He wont unless we follow His command to the letter. and what that translates to is killing humans senselessly . and not only that but like. us alts... we like violence. we want to kill. its integral to our beings. none of us can really be "nice" or "good" 24/7 and that uh ... tends to sound scary to the average person . so even if we did all collectively decide to turn against gabe and humans like... magically forgave us for killing and kidnapping thousands of people, its not like we could ever be "normal" members of society. its not like we could ever be loved. so no one really bothers trying.

anyways, from what i can tell, alternate attachment happens when that kinda barrier between humans and alts gets broken (at least from the alt's perspective), and it typically happens when an alt is in close proximity to its assigned victim for a long period of time. that time varies from alt to alt too, like it deffo took a lot longer for atlas to get attached to cesar than it did for me to get attached to mark. nd i could be wrong abt this but i also noticed like. the more a victim interacts w their alternate, even if theyre doing it in a threatened or scared way, the more likely it is for the alt to get attached. "taking an interest" in a specific human is the most telltale sign of attachment, to the point that the phrase is pretty much "slang" for it among alts .

also just to clear this up: while alternate attachment can be romantic, it absolutely doesnt have to be. not at all. id describe my attachment to mark as like. familial honestly. and sometimes there arent even human words to describe an alts attacemt. its a spectrum yk? so dont think any of this is inheritly romantic or some shit cuz ill beat you up

as for what it does. well .

you dont know when u first meet a human that youre gonna get attached. i certainly didnt  . so u just kinda do ur thing n shit, but sometimes it doesnt work and the human lives so ur like. okay ill try again . or maybe youre just doing a long job and ur learning all of ur victims habits n shit. and thats where it kinda begins

the first thing you notice is that like. even though its ur job to kill your human its like. its fun to keep them alive . yk  . you grow to like the sound of em screaming in terror , or them freezing up when they see you . whcih. yeah that sounds kinda fucked to you guys but . just bear w me okay  .

anyways. eventually it gets to the point where, even if youve been given several opportunities to kill your human, you dont take them cuz its just that fun to mess w em. this is kinda where the "taking an interest" thing comes in  too . and then THAT goes into "ok wait . do i rlly have to kill them eventually  ?? i dont want to do that theyre funny :(((("

eventually you realize that like. shit . i dont want this human to die at all. like. at ALL. to the point you'd fight off other threats just to keep them safe. and you get this just- rush of an emotion youve never felt before whenever youre around them. aand you realize. thats love. you feel love towards them, no matter what kind of love that is. its. it feels so wrong at first and- and you hate it, but it just feels so right to the point where you cant imagine feeling any other way about them.

and as you may have guessed. you start to see the human as your own. its kinda hard to really describe but,, it makes sense if you experience it. you need to protect them and love them and hold them so so close or else they might get away from you. and you change yourself so that you can be worthy of being loved back. its. ough its a crazy ass feeling for sure

this, uh,, doesnt come without problems thouugh. for one just cuz an alternates attached to a human doesnt mean the human necessarily likes them back. in fact its honestly really lucky that both me and atlas got attached to humans that actually didnt hate us. (for a while at least.) theres a fuck ton of rumors that get spread around of those who got attached and excommunicated, only for the human they were attached to kill themself because they couldnt live with an alt constantly following them around and trying to talk to them.

...i cant describe how lucky i am that mark came back.

not to mention you hafta constantly live in fear all the damn time cuz you could get discovered n tortured at any moment. its. its really shit but damn it if your human doesnt make it all worth it. damn it if you wouldnt endure any kind of danger just to stick with them. damn it if you dont want to comfort them and feel murderous rage whenever theyre sad and.

damn it if they arent yours.

[bagheerita]

Thanks @chaniis-atlantis for the tag!! ❤

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

currently 66 though next month I'm hoping to have time to finish transferring over the rest of my old fics from FFN

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,495,124

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, Stargate Atlantis previously (deep breath): Star Wars (OT & the novels that are now called Legends [I think]), X-Men, Kiesha'ra, Valdemar, Pet Shop of Horrors, Fruits Basket, Inuyasha, Saiyuki, MCU/Avengers, Avatar: the Last Airbender, Angel the series, The Last Unicorn, Lord of the Rings, Dead Poet's Society, Homer, Gargoyles

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1- "Nemo" (SGA) 2- "Nykteridolotry" (SGA) 3- "One and One and One is Three" (MCU) 4- "Regina Donum" (SGA) 5- "Your Prison is Walking Through This World All Alone" (MCU)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I've met some great people through comment discussions. 😁 Probably the only time I don't is when someone comments on multiple chapters at a time on their read-through; in those cases I tend to only respond to the comments that I find the most interesting rather than to all of them, though it depends on my mood.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Um probably "Beast of Venery" (SGA) though it is part 1 of a series that ends much more happily. Oh! I forgot about "Lie Still" (AtS)! It's a character profile of Wesley Wyndham-Price that literally no one has read (the only fic of mine at FFN that has 0 interactions). Very angsty, and probably very "in my own head" which is why no one else liked it lol.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I am an absolute sucker for happy endings, so this is like choosing... i dunno, a best flavor of ice cream. They're all happy. I might say "Ivory Fanged" (Kiesha'ra) is the "happiest"? Or maybe "One and One and One is Three" (MCU)? Just because the first involves 2 kingdoms worth of people celebrating, and the second like 5 realities/multiverses of people being (relatively) happy at the end.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really? I do get weird comments sometimes. I got a comment on "Reunion" (IY) where the reader complained about the story being unfinished (when it was clearly marked that it was unfinished/abandoned) and that it had ruined the series to finish it on that note. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

lol. Yes. A lot. Mostly m/m, though I've occasionally branched out into m/m/m, m/m/m/m, and f/m. As far as kinks or types of smut, I honestly don't think I could remember all the scenes I've written, though I love power dynamics so I play with that a lot. And I've written both rape and incest, if by "kind" you mean the stuff that really gets people hot and bothered.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

LMAO. Crossovers are the reason I write fic in the first place. My favorite characters meeting each other is like... the shit. The craziest one (that ever made it to being partially posted anyway) was called "Twenty-Four Hours of Midnight," and was a crossover between The Three Musketeers, Dragonheart, X-Men, and Angel the series.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I don't think so? But that would be awesome.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No, but sortof? Eos (Eos_x) did illustrations for my fic "Aubade" so we are credited as co-authors.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I don't know if I can answer this. I ship whatever smashing together of my favorite characters works for me at the moment, and I have a lot of favorite characters. And do you mean to read, or to write? Conceptually, in my head? Or best execution, either in fic or canon? Because I feel like these would all be different answers for me...

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have a fic currently working-titled "Though Far Away, We're Still the Same" which is a multiverse John/Todd/Rodney fic. I realized I wanted to change the arc of an OC, which will require rewriting the whole thing, and I'm realistically never going to have time for that.

16. What are your writing strengths?

For 3 fandoms now I've written snarky asshole/ancient villain as a ship, and I think I've gotten pretty good at the dynamic lol. I'm pretty good at dialogue I think, and while it's a bitch to write it I'm pretty good at action (as far as making everything make sense spatially).

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Conflict. Usually I start writing a story knowing how the conflict will be resolved and then I lose all interest in it and have to keep reminding myself that the characters are still in it, they don't have resolution yet.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Author's discretion (because you write fic for you) but in general I don't care for reading it unless it's short endearments, non-plot relevant, or well known information. (Or the meaning gets otherwise explained in the surrounding text.) I never liked it in old books where the author will just throw in lines of French or Latin and expect you to know what it means. I think it pulls the reader out of the story, so I don't recommend it unless that's your intention. If you have two characters who are speaking a foreign language to each other, fully understanding each other, you should write the dialogue in the same language as the fic (because in the reality of the fic, everything is happening in that same language, if that makes sense). Though there are definitely some concepts that don't translate well; when I was writing a lot of anime fic I experimented by having one fandom where I stripped out all the Japanese honorifics and one where I kept them in, and I feel like it gives a different vibe to the fic. I've recently been reading a lot of Mandalorian adjacent Star Wars fics and I have to say I do not care for uses of excessive amounts of Mando'a. A few endearments, concepts that are very common knowledge, fine. But whole sentences? It better not be anything I needed to know for the plot because I am not looking that up. (lol I did not expect to have such opinions on this topic 🤣)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

OT Star Wars. First posted fic was "The Secret Life of Harrison Ford." Don't read it, it's not good. (Unless you like the same high school humor that me and my high school friends did?)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Technically, this is a fic that isn't posted yet, but it's 90% written so it counts... lol. It's called "Circumvolution" (SGA) and I've been writing it in the background over the last few years whenever "Regina Donum" started giving me fits, so it's very much a work of love and a story I wrote for me. It was originally conceived as the ending of the "My Name Forevermore" series, but it's done (mostly), so I've moved it to be the next big fic I post after I finish "Regina Donum."

Npt: @tiltingheartand @judgeverse @only-in-december @lord-aldhelm @anomalousrobot @ladyofparchments @anyone i missed who wants to join in

[mermaidsirennikita]

no i agree with you i'm just suprised they're not even bothering with the surface level representation. i feel like they did put some effort in season 1 (which was super misguided ultimately). they did already change stuff from the books they could easily change benedict and sophie's story, although they should probably scrap the whole thing go in a different direction. the whole lead of color quota thing they've written themselves into is very bad don't get me wrong but i don't really think switching over to all white main couples is any better.

I think season 1 did make an attempt, which was bad lol, but I also think that was done with the very clear mindset that they were going to get over the hurdle of stuffy period drama perceptions and the general manner in which people look down on historical romance (historical romance is one of the most dragged subgenres these days, even other romance readers often act like they're "better" than it lmao) by going "BUT LOOK! REVOLUTIONARY! THE DUKE IS BLACK!"

And at first, that was working, largely because of Rege being Rege and owning that shit, but you then had the plot point they didn't change from the book being WORSE because of the race change, them not realizing that... The "one of them fell in love with one of us" conversation, which I remember feeling so shocked by in real time--that NOBODY caught that, NOBODY was like "oh, let's retool that line and maybe this entire concept". Which made more sense when it was revealed that the writers' rooms for that show do not reflect the diversity they claim to tout (and much of this was brushed away with "but Shonda"... And like yeah, but Shonda, because many Black critics have been scrutinizing how Shonda handles race and interracial relationships especially for YEARS, since Grey's Anatomy, and Bton is absolutely in line with those criticisms).

The issue is that it fell apart further in season 2; I mean, they cast an Indian lead and made India a huge part of her personality, scraping, by the way, a lot of her independent backstory from the book because we needed more time for white people drama, creating the most surface level read possible.

That SAID, though I suspect there was a lot of bts drama that affected the s2 final product (which I've stated a lot so I won't get into it) and made it quite different from s1... The CVD guy whose real name I now forget, imo, seemed to have more of an interest in this weird racial utopia mindset of the show. Like, not enough to get it right, by ANY means. But I'm not surprised that now that he's gone there is even less of a care for it.

I just think the entire thing is bad; it's bad that the show is so straight (and hey! You sure could do something else with Benedict there!); it's bad that the show mishandles race at every chance it gets; it's bad that the show's writing is kind of like, abysmal. The show doesn't even reconcile with the genre it claims to adapt, nor does it attempt to. Throw the whole thing in the trash.

But yeah, that's really all I've got. I think this was a poor choice to adapt, I don't think they ever had any intention to do right by their concept, and everyone should just watch Mr. Malcolm's List and move on. I'm done with it, and I don't super have any other thoughts on it besides "it's bad and it's not going to improve".

[jekyll2life]

Jester Comments on MH: Boo York! Boo York!

Some of you may know and some of you may not, but I’m actually pretty new to Monster High (having only started getting into it around July of this year). So I’m not familiar with all the material of G1 Monster High yet, including the movies. Prior to today, I had only seen Ghouls Rule, Scaris City of Frights, and Friday Night Frights. 

Well today, one of my IRL friends, who’s a bit more of a Monster High veteran, decided to sit me down and watch Boo York! Boo York! for the very first time today. Here are some of my initial thoughts/first impressions (click the read more!):

The fashion in this movie SLAYS! Everyone looks great. I think if I had to boil it down to my favorite looks though, Cleo’s outfit (the one she wears for most of the movie and that got a doll) and Luna Mothews’ gala outfit take the cake. 

All of the songs in this movie are bops. Top 3 hits go to Empire, Steal the Show, and Fright Lights, Big City

Before seeing this movie, I first heard Empire as a sound on TikTok and assumed it was a regular pop song by an artist I’ve never heard of. So when I heard the full version for the first time in this movie, I kind of lost my shit. XD

It kind of surprised me how much of a minor role the other ghouls played in this movie. Like, I feel like if Operetta, Draculaura, and Abbey were removed from this movie nothing would change. I’m not complaining, it’s more just an observation that stood out to me. In the other movies I’ve seen so far, I feel like even if the main plot centered an a few core characters, the other characters still played plot relevant roles. 

I can definitely understand why some people take issue with Deuce’s characterization in this movie (the brunch scene gave my second hand embarrassment), but personally it didn’t bother me that much. But maybe that’s just because Deuce being a dumbass is one of my favorite things about his character. 

While on that note, I really like how Cleo was characterized in this movie. She still keeps her pride, yet still holds herself up to the standard of a leader, willing to put aside her wants if she believes it’s what’s best for the people around her. I enjoy watching Cleo struggle between her family’s expectations and wanting forge her own path, and I wish that aspect of her character would have been explored more outside of just her relationship with Deuce. Either way though, I enjoy when she’s written as being more than just a diva. 

In terms of the new characters, I really liked Luna Mothews! She has a really cute design and just has a very charming personality. Mouscedes was pretty cute too. I didn’t really care for Elle Eedee (though I do have to admit her name is pretty clever), but since she’s a DJ, I wish she got to meet Holt :(

It is a crime that Pharaoh never got a doll. They gave him that fine character design and for WHAT!? Not even a 2 pack with Catty!? That would’ve been so cute! 😭 Pharaoh never getting a doll is going to bother me forever now. 

On that note, I also think that it was a crime that Holt Hyde was not in this movie. He’s a DJ and loves music too. If Operetta can be in this movie and barely do much, than so should Holt dang it. 

The boys all thinking that Ghoulia trying to stop a literal meteor from hitting the Earth was just a videogame is, while dumb, also very funny. 

Mr. Rotter in this movie reminds me of one of my old high school teachers who hosted secret Smash Bros tournaments in his classroom during lunch hour lol

Also who was gonna tell me that there was an Ever After High reference in the post-credit scene!? I’m guessing that since the crossover movie got cancelled, this would probably never get explained. But it’s still pretty cool. 

Anyway, 10/10 movie, would definitely watch again. Boo York has definitely rocketed its way to 2nd place on my favorite MH movie list.