#i think its time i bring back my little social media vlogs

[kath-artic]

i wouldve done numbers on storytime youtube

[nyx-umbrakinesis]

hey so can i get uhh Charlie, Vaggie and Lucifer spend a day in modern day LA and Charlie and Vaggie lose Lucifer for several hours only to find him in the park playing with ducks like a Disney princess. surrounded by influencers.

Okay sorry it's short but honestly wasn't sure what to do as I'm an English girl and no city experience....

Charlie was frantically running around calling her dad's name, panicked as she wanders the streets getting dragged back onto the sidewalk by Vaggie before she could run out into the traffic.

Vaggie: "Charlie, it's your dad, he'll be okay, he has far more experience up here than us and he's the king of hell, it's not like anything could hurt him. Let's just go and have some ice cream I'm sure we'll either find him or he'll find us before it's time to leave."

Charlie worried but seeing the logic takes a deep breath, her smile straining.

Charlie: "Y-you're right, we should enjoy our day, I'm sure dad will be fine, just fine."

Charlie was honestly wishing she'd been able to bring Alastor for their errands instead now, at least he's not as easily led astray.

Finding the nearest ice cream parlour they sit out front on the few bistro tables overlooking a park just enjoying the sun, although the smell and noise wasn't the best it was still better than hell.

There's a commotion coming from the park and Charlie and Vaggie give each other a look.

Charlie is out of her seat and running before Vaggie can react.

Aaannnd there he was...

Jacket off, shirt sleeves and trousers rolled up, shoes and socks missing.

Lucifer, in the pond...

Playing with the ducks, one perched on his head, a happy smile on his face as he laughs at a 'cute little guy' trying to peck his hand for getting too close.

There are several people on benches recording, and some even so bold as to stand as close as possible filming and trying to get his attention for their 'vlogs'.

Lucifer however only has eyes for his 'daughters' and tries to wave them in as a flock of ducks swim around him in a synchronised circle.

Lucifer: "Look girls, I found the ducks!"

He chuckles as the one on his head joins the rest in swimming and the crowd clap like it's some sort of planned stunt.

Finally after several minutes coaxing they get Lucifer out of the pond and onto dry land, his jacket in hand and padding along on bare feet.

Followed by his seemingly new adoring fans, which is going to pose a problem when it comes to getting home.

Charlie: "What were you thinking, we're supposed to not attract attention." She hisses, although can't keep the smile off her own face, Vaggie having a crisis over his missing shoes however does see the humour in it all.

Lucifer: "Charlie don't you worry about it, I have a few tricks up my sleeves, it'll be fine, besides the ducks needed me... I err... May have subtly cleaned the pond of its pollution..."

Charlie: "DAD!"

Lucifer: "I know, I know, but I couldn't leave them to suffer, have you seen this place, I just had to give them their best chance... M-Vaggie gets it... Right Vaggie?"

Vaggie sighs, but the pleading look on Lucifer's face is too much like Charlie's.

Vaggie: "Yes sir, it's their home after all."

Lucifer throws his arms around both of their waists as they walk, and as they round a corner they're gone, before the public see anything...

People search around in confusion but can't find the 'Duck Diva' anywhere, social media videos and footage seems to corrupt when played and there's no proof that anything happened other than word of mouth.

All was 'fine'.

[comradeeatspants]

hi ricky hiiii ^_^ what’re some of your thoughts on the whole dream smp “dying” kinda analysis posts going around

hi ciara ^_^ 

i honestly agree with everything it said. i think having the "dream smp" as its own brand (ie selling merch, making official social media pages) would've obviously kept it around longer however its a logistical nightmare (as the post says), dream himself doesn’t seem interested in doing that, and i think it'd kill a lot of the charm of the smp. i think a lot of people got into it because it was just silly friends goofing around on their friend's server. it's authentic, not some predetermined group of people that some manager somewhere is hoping can bring in views(unless dream is playing the long game and it is exactly this). so i think it having an official brand might kill that charm, but thats just me. also having it as its own brand would most likely create weird drama and tension that would also kill some of the authentic friendship vibes. but, they already created a brand for themselves without making an "official" dream smp brand. CCs can still throw "dream smp" in a title and get more views. when you say dream smp on twitch or youtube, people know of it and roughly know the CCs involved.

(more of my thots about how they could’ve done things differently)

i think they definitely could’ve been more delicate with their momentum without turning it into an official brand or org. they seemed to realize how popular it was, speedrun a ton of lore, and then get burnt out so now theres no lore. i literally remember people saying they couldn’t keep up with lore earlier in the year. obviously that is not the case now. i think if they were more organized and intentional about it earlier on, they could’ve found ways to make it last longer.

ultimately, i think theres two ways to view the dsmp. as a storytelling medium, and as a little server for friends to be silly together on. personally, i’m more interested in the latter. but the former is exciting too, except now we are getting waaayyyy less of both. i think the positive is that if you like the dream smp because you get to watch friends simply be funny together, you get that now in the form of vlogs, alt streams, irl streams, etc., which is why i didn't care that much when quackity announced he wasn't doing non-lore on the dsmp anymore. i mean, when's the last time he even went on there prior to that stream? the downside is that the creators who were apart of the OG dsmp don’t need to stream or upload as often as they used to. they also seem less interested in continuing lore, again, maybe because they don't need to. they're some of the biggest creators on the platform.

i think one way they could've combat the dsmp "dying" is adding more people more frequently. i think now it is kind of divided between OGs that people associate with dsmp (feral boys, sbi, bbh, niki, fundy, tubbo, jack, ranboo, you get the idea) and newer creators! i thought i remember seeing something about michael still feeling like an outsider on a server that he belongs to. or, going back awhile, when hannah redecorated spawn and her chat got mad at her. the dream smp started as a very specific set of people and places, and the dsmp without those people, places, and conflicts, can seem so different that it doesn’t even feel like the dsmp to some. i think if dream added more people over time, it could’ve given them time to mingle with the content creators on there and have their own little inside jokes and stuff rather than just feeling like theyre intruding. adding more people more regularly would’ve given it room to breathe and grow naturally, so that OGs like tommy and tubbo (random examples) can move on with their lives and people wont freak out because the "dsmp is dying" because they'll be new people there to pick up the slack.

anyway. that was long. sorry. sorry if anything didn’t make sense. i definitely rambled for a while but i think this is very interesting so ty for asking :D

[fandom-blackhole]

Now that I have time and some motivation let's get down to business.

Paz also has tattoos for you,

One of your name in mando'a,

Second of the star constellation that you spotted on your trip, we love our wiccan king,

He'd 10000% be the guy to get his child's birth date tattooed,

Paz posting his precious doggo on instagram?,

Oh or Paz starting a culinary YouTube channel???,

And also showing his of the grid lifestyle?,

showing his animal rescue and promoting adoptions!,

He is buffy, handsome, funny, loves children and animals, dresses good and is the best chef, so there are many fanboys and fangirls in his comments thirsting over him,

When the comments asking if he is single get too overwhelming, he asks you to tune in for some vlogs,

You'd definitely film a mukbang video!!,

And also these crazy spicy noodle challenges,

Boba accidentally disliking all of Paz' videos?? (we are still onto tech-grandpa Boba? 😂),

You have to make sure that he doesn't post any pictures done by his hand,

He'd retweet funny clips of cats and cute pictures from Jango Investigation company's official profile,

Also him leaving embarrassing comments on your profile?

Or not knowing that there is function to dm you on instagram,

So he comments on your recent holiday trip picture ''you looked good in this swimsuit princess, shame on me I tore it apart'' or ''looking tempting babygirl, be ready, sir will be home soon'',

Din doesn't really care for sm?,

Like he used to be a casual user,

But one day people were flooding his comments and dms, spamming him with @pascalisapunk,

He noticed that you were watching youtube kids with Grogu,

(oh now I hope you will know what is going on) Grogu really likes watching cocomelon,

So Din tricked him to watching PewDiePie instead,

You don't like it tho, thinking these videos are too edgy and stupid for both of them,

''Din you've watched too many of these videos and you became a brain-rotten himbo I don't want the same to happen to our son!'',

Din and Grogu playing Minecraft together? 🥺,

Also Paz has the best town in Animal crossing for sure!,

Surprise, surprise Boba actually likes and knows how to(!!!) play Mafia game (well it's from 2002 so maybe that's why lol),

But he is the king of board games,

Especially Monopoly!!!

Also not to mention cars games,

He made you play strip poker with him 😳,

Paz and you doing a baby shower at his restaurant!!,

Imagine big daddy bear Paz with a little babygirl 😍😍😍, (Bummer that we don't have an official name for the Armorer, could be honored by Paz naming his baby after her 😭),

Grogu telling his friends at school that his daddy is also an actor lol,

Few days later bunch of 5 year olds are asking him if this is the way to the restroom, if he can bring in some hot chocolate, and doing the baby yoda batuu sound at him lol,

Poor Din, but he secretly loves it, he just loves children,

So imagine his combustion when you tell him that you are having a little Djarin 😍,

Paz helping with babyshower??,

And Boba is totally on buying you a new, bigger apartment as a gift lol,

''What, Djarin? Can't have my little nephew and favorite sister-in-law who is pregnant living in your excuse of an apartament'' lol Boba has no chill,

Grogu gets addicted to bubble tea,

And it isn't because of your introduction, you knew better not to let him drink too often,

But everyday, after coming back from the kindergarten Din and Grogu would stop by your favorite bubble tea shop,

Grogu totally wants a little brother!,

And Din is thinking about a little babygirl or better, why not both, or even better two little boys and a little girl and Grogu being their big bro 😍,

You better be ready for some intensive wrestling sessions,

You and Din have no idea why, but lately, he seems to cum A LOT MORE,

When Boba carries out the tradition you are pregnant,

Pregnant with twin boys,

And the look identical, like they were literally cloned 😉,

Boba wouldn't throw a huge babyshower,

He is too afraid after the incident involving you and the rival syndicate,

Actually Boba decided that you should move from the downtown, to live in a more low-key area,

So you are now living in a palace 😉 in the suburbs

Boba gets you a private driver and a bodyguard,

But most of the time he tries to drive you to work since you both have offices in the downtown area,

Your daily commute can get really pleasurable for both of you 😳,

Boba has his own shooting range lol, king of extra right?

One day when you were babysitting Grogu at your place you found out that Boba was teaching the kid about shooting,

You were furious,

''C'mon princess, haven't I told you about me and my father? He showed me how to use a gun when I was even younger than Grogu'',

Srsly, this man,

Giving him a death glare you take Grogu and treat him for some bubble tea

-🐣

Oh yeeesss let's get to business....

Paz's tattoos 😭😭😭 so cute (kind of reminds me of my dad, he has all of our names)

Paz totally has an Instagram dedicated to Ad'ika

Paz being thirsted after on his YouTube is so cute

But his followers also really ship the two of you, because you both are just couple goals

Paz makes you the cutest anniversary video and posts it to his YouTube

Paz is a total gamer, he absolutely loves Animal Crossing and he makes a whole section of his town dedicated to you

Paz throws the absolute cutest baby shower and anyone and everyone is invited

You both decide to wait until after the baby is born to find out the gender, and Paz has a raffle going on at the restaurant where people can guess the gender

Armorer = Amira? Amara? Andromeda??

He makes you both cute matching sweaters for your characters

Paz is the one that introduced Grogu to minecraft

Boba cause so much havoc on social media

He totally is leaving thirst comments under your pictures on Instagram not realizing everyone else can see them too

You have a Instagram set up for Fennec too because she is just so photogenic, at least when you take the pictures

I think Boba is actually pretty proficient at using Twitter, and its more or less because he uses it to stalk people 9/10

You have a tumblr where you tease and make fun of Boba, mostly posting quotes or the silly pictures that Boba takes

Boba totally dominates at any board game, but especially Monopoly

That game of strip poker did not last long at all, and you think Boba quite literally was hiding aces up his sleeves

Boba makes sure you are always thoroughly satisfied before he drops you off at work every morning

When Boba finds out you're pregnant he celebrates, and its huge

He starts going all out buying anything and everything he can/wants

When he finds out its twin boys he is over the moon

Names for the boys, Jango and Jaster? Rex and Cody??

Boba totally buys some big house outside of town, that has anything and everything you could ever ask for

It also has a panic room and state of the art safety because Boba isn't taking chances with you or the boys

Also, bringing the babysitting saga to the modern au 😭😭

You walk in on Boba handing Grogu a gun and you flip out, yelling at him

He just shrugs and you take Grogu away and say that your kids WILL N O T learn how to do any of that stuff until they are atleast teenagers

Boba pouts because you ruined his and Grogu's bonding time

When Din comes to pick up Grogu, Grogu looks him in the eye and says "cocksucker"

Din has a heart attack and Boba laughs as you yell at him asking where he heard that

Grogu says that he heard uncle Boba say it while on the phone

Din tries to follow Paz’s recipes from his YouTube, and it always turns out badly and you have to come in and save it

Din totally loves Pewdiepie's humor

Din gets frustrated with social media and ends up just making an empty account so he can follow you and watch videos, but after the whole Pedro Pascal disaster he never posts anything

Grogu and you are his profile picture though

When Grogu goes around telling the kids at school he is the mandalorian he just sighs

And when all of the kids start quoting the show, he just starts quoting them back so they will stop bothering him

When Din announced the pregnancy Paz got so excited to have another nephew/niece

Paz lets Din hold the baby shower at the restaurant and he makes all of the food, including little gender reveal cake pops

Paz gifts the two of you a photo album at has pictures of the two of you and grogu, but it is still half empty so you can add more memories of your expanding family

Boba just hands Din house keys a day says the place is paid off and he's covering the bills for the first year (he also had a nice play set built in the backyard for Grogu)

[hollandspiderling]

Shopping Challenge | Blurb Request | Tom Holland x You

“Hi, can you write a tom holland blurb about tom and reader doing the “buying everything my girlfriend touches” challenge with reader at expensive places and end up spending huge money and harry and sam are like “what are you doing, She will empty your bank account”? I don’t know if you are familiar with the challenge, but the girlfriend is blindfolded so she doesn’t know what she is touching and the boyfriend has to buy everything she touches.” - @photoshopart15

Here you go, lovely! I hope you like it haha I’ve seen different variations of this challenge but I’m hoping I gave it the justice it deserves! Thank you so much for reading and sending in a request! xoxo, Astrid  ❤

—-

“Baby, say hi to everyone!” you happily greeted Tom with a camera recording, skipping towards Harrison, Harry, and him who were walking in front of you.

The four of you ended up going to Rodeo Drive because someone had suggested that you and Tom do one of the viral couple challenges on Tik Tok. It was the summer and the boys had decided to spend their vacation with you along with all their other friends in the City of Angels. You and Tom met each other through Jacob at one of his parties when you were finally gaining momentum as a fashion and beauty Youtuber. You didn’t think that he’d know who you were, but surprised when he mentioned a couple of your videos. It was easy to say that things kicked off for you two and ended up planning a date by the end of the night, with the not so subtle help of Jacob. From there it was the blossoming of your budding relationship with Tom. Since he had just wrapped up filming for his upcoming movie, it was easy for him to spend long amounts of time with you in LA. Every now and then it’d be you who would take the time to fly out to London to spend some time with his close circle of friends and family. Then one day, one teeny little slip up on a live through social media was what exposed your relationship to the world. But thankfully, you guys were welcomed warmly. This was probably because him and the boys were regular faces on your vlogs and Jacob was also one of your best friends.

Now here you were, currently walking through the infamous area that is known for its luxury stores and focused on taking some shots for your B-roll. Harry was hovering behind you to help you get the perfect shots and gave you some tips that you didn’t know yet. Not far from you, Harrison and Tom were standing underneath a nearby awning. Tom was mindlessly playing with the blindfold you handed him when you guys got out of the car while Harrison snickered at the current state of his best friend and Harry could only shake his head.

“Oi, I can’t believe you really said yes to this challenge.”

Tom snapped out of his daze from admiring you and he rubbed his neck sheepishly, keeping his eyes on you.

“What can I say man? I can’t really say no to her.”

“But you had to choose Rodeo Drive? Mate, we could’ve just gone to Target for this.” Harrison incredulously laughed.

“I know, she even said it was okay to do that but…” Tom trailed off and shrugged with a love struck smile on his face.

“But what- no Thomas. Absolutely not. You are not going to be like this! The boys and I can’t lose you. You can’t be that whipped for her.”

Tom laughed as Harrison fake cried and tried to hug and kiss him. “You’re supposed to be only mine, Holland.”

“Well, too bad. Go cry me a river because Tom is mine, Haz.” You smirked as you recorded their small interaction then laughed when Harrison continued to be affectionate towards Tom.

Tom playfully pushed Harrison away from him and slung his arm over his best friend’s shoulders, focusing their attention on you to find out what was going to happen next. Handing the camera to Harry, he took on the role as the videographer for the day and you smiled at the boys.

“Alright babe, what are your rules and restrictions? I know you said it’s going to be okay, but what is okay for you?” You asked.

You watched as your boyfriend pursed his lips and you couldn’t help but feel warm inside. Tom was the type of boyfriend who would give you the entire world if he could. A part of you was worried of what the public would think, but it was Tom’s decision to bring you to Rodeo Drive for the challenge. He reassured you that everything is going to be okay and if he needed to, you guys could clarify things before the actual footage played. Then again, Tom also mentioned that it was better to ‘go big or go home.’ Mentally rolling your eyes at the memory, you bit your lip in anticipation for his rules.

“For this challenge, I’ll allow you to go into three stores of your choice. You have 5 minutes and whatever you touch, I’ll buy it for you.”

“I think five minutes could be too long, Tom.” Harry said in a sing-song voice.

“What are you doing, Thomas? Y/N’s going to empty your bank account.” Harrison jokingly said and poked the side of your stomach.

You stuck your tongue out in retaliation but sighed to yourself. Even you knew that Tom was going too lenient on you.

“Babe, I love you, but I think five minutes is too long too. I’d say two to three minutes depending on big the store is.”

“I think I can work with that, so what are your choices?”

Holding out your hand, he handed you the blindfold and you began to make your way towards the first shop: Balenciaga. You smirked to yourself as you heard the boys whistle and began to put on your blindfold while Harry went to make sure that it was okay to film in the store. Tom helped you secure the blindfold and Harry shouted the okay.

“Ready, love?” he murmured into your ear.

You nodded, excitement flowing throughout your body. Harrison announced that he got the timer ready and in a blink of a second, you were on the go. Tom was right by your side to help guide you as you grabbed whatever you could in the said time frame. The same thing went on for your other stores of choice: Louis Vuitton and Vera Wang. Once everything was finished, Tom made sure that everything you picked out was to your size and you guys went home.

Back at the boys’ apartment for the summer, you were glad to see that everything you chose ended up being in a singular bag from each store. Harry was back to filming and Tom set the three bags in front of you while Harrison prepared well-deserved cocktails for everyone. Your excited and happy chatter filled the air as the boys watched you react to what you blindly picked out.

“Do you like your picks?” Tom asked as he watched your reactions to what you pulled out.

You nodded happily and said, “I’m glad I managed to snag some things that I can frequently wear but also some day to day necessities and accessories that I needed for work.”

Harrison reappeared with the drinks as you neatly put everything back into the bags. You laughed as you noticed Tom take a longer sip than usual after everyone received their drinks.

“I’m sorry babe, I really am. But you were the one that insisted…” You said and he reassuringly rubbed your thigh.

“It’s okay babe, if you’d like, we can do a part two where I get to do it.”

You beamed and pecked his cheek. “I was just thinking that, and it could be a great way to even it out. But really, thank you so much for doing this. I would have been totally fine with going to Target, but you never fail to surprise me. I love you, Tommy.”

He lovingly kissed your forehead and said, “Anything for you sweetheart, you are my absolute world. I love you too, Y/N.”

“Uh excuse me, we’re still here y’know.” Harrison coughed while Harry cringed behind the camera. Everyone burst out laughing as you all continued to relax for the day.

[locktobre]

How would you change DA? I feel like I saw a post of yours mentioning that you wanted to change it but I can’t find any actual post saying how you’d change it lol but I’m on tumblr mobile and I know this app glitches more often than not

I actually made a post saying I’d make a post and then completely forgot about it lol that happens to me a lot... But! Since you asked, I’ll go ahead and talk about it now.

My biggest issue with DA is the constant shenanigans making everything feel shallow. It’s just far too silly for me, and while I know I’m far outside of the target audience, I still think it’s very poor writing.

So, here’s what I would do, if I kept the main characters the same (that is, the Roberts family, Ken, Teresa, Nikki, Renee, and Daisy), as well as the basic premise of “This is Barbie’s life.” I’m not going to talk about how I would change individual episodes, since I’m basically starting over from scratch, here.

Starting at home:

I’d keep Margaret as an engineer, bc I really do like that for her.

I’d drop George as a “documentary filmmaker” and have him be a stay-at-home dad. I might bring back a detail from the early vlogs and have him be a writer, maybe working from home, but yeah, he’s the one taking care of the pets and packing lunches and keeping the house clean.

They’ve got Blissa leash-trained and she goes on walks with the puppies.

(If any of the puppies/Blissa escaped the house, it would be played for drama, not shenanigans.)

I might give them a catio for Blissa, since they started off series after remodeling their house, and they went all out on literally everything else, so why not?

If I was going to really have my way, they would only have done modest remodeling, not gone full-on ugly modern smart house.

Regardless, Skipper and Stacie must have their own bedrooms.

Barbie is a junior coach for Stacie’s soccer team. She’s going to spend time with all of her sisters, dammit!

She does something with Chelsea. Chelsea has a lot of interests, so she could do a lot of things with her. Maybe they do different things? Like, their thing could be trying new things or going new places.

The Roberts are close with Carsons, for obvious reasons.

As much as I like Trey, I feel like it’s OOC for the Roberts to have a feud with their neighbors (and I said as much when the show first started), so I might drop the Reardons entirely, tbh. And in my idealized version, the Roberts family aren’t such colossal dicks that they would have neighbors feuding with them, since they, like, respect ppl’s property and aren’t always doing wacky shit for lulz.

Then again, I really like Trey, so maybe they’d stay neighbors, and maybe he’s annoying but not a total jerk. (There’s a difference!) Like they could still ride together at the barn and ice skate together even if Trey insists that doing all of that doesn’t make them friends. (Yes, it does, Trey. Just open your heart to FRIENDSHIP.)

At school:

Barbie is in a bunch of extracurriculars, which provides a lot of interesting avenues for plots and friendship developments/dynamics.

She’s in an environmental club with Ken. They do beach clean-ups and collect trash in the parks and stuff like that. Also provides an opportunity for karbie moments.

She’s in a chemistry club with Teresa. They can do (safe) experiments and explain how it’s done, there can be some minor mishaps with things going wrong, stuff like that.

She’s in a fashion club with Nikki. They can make clothes together, do fashion shows, all that kind of stuff. But like, plot-relevant.

She plays basketball with Renee. They can show practices, games, how to deal with losing, all that kind of stuff.

She’s in a band with Daisy and Skipper. This keeps both of them musical, and keeps me from feeling like Daisy is taking Skipper’s musical spotlight. They could do gigs occasionally (school dances, parks, coffee shops), they could have an episode with creative infighting, they could focus on Skipper feeling like she’s being treated like a little kid when she’s trying to be Mature... A lot of things open up. Not to mention, having a good reason for them to sing.

So basically, Barbie’s busy 5 days a week, and has a lot of varied interests, so it makes sense for a lot of ppl to know her and even envy her, bc really, how does she do it all?

I’m not sure if I’d keep Tammy either, tbh. I’m not fond of bully characters, I think it’s detrimental to show bullying as no big deal... but also, kids need to learn about conflict resolution. Even so, sometimes there aren’t good ways to deal with bullies, so it’s really a double-edged sword.

If I kept Tammy--or Trey, for that matter--at least now, with the above, they’d have a real reason to be jealous of her being popular and well-liked, outside of her vlog. Bc she’d be an interesting and well-rounded person, instead of boring and fake.

I’d really tone down the social media angle, but there’d be an obligatory episode about like, an embarrassing picture/video being posted and how to deal with it. It’s inevitable nowadays, as much as that pains me.

An early episode would focus on a parents night at school, and we’d meet everyone’s parents.

Barbie and her friend group would have a homework club that rotates its meetings through their different houses, which is a perfect set-up to meeting any siblings the others have (since we already met their parents).

There would be occasional episodes where Barbie is either not there, or only there for like one scene (she’s sick, out of town, whatever), and we’d get to focus on one of her friends, instead. They’d get to feel like real people even when she’s not there, rather than feeling like they don’t exist when they’re not onscreen with her lol.

Overall, I just want it to feel like Barbie’s life is real and complete, and so is every character in it. Obviously, it’s fictional, and I’m not asking for anything super dramatic to happen, I just want it to feel like they care. I know Barbie is the star of the show, but I don’t want it to feel like everything revolves around her, bc they certainly promote it like it’s an ensemble show. But they don’t act like it at all and I just want to fix that. So I tried to think of a lot of ways to give different, varied plots. There are ways to do interesting things without it being super silly!

Anyway, if they want Barbie to feel grounded and real and like she gives good advice, they should write her that way, that’s all I’m saying.

[thethousandyearwitch]

The Show Must Go On! Chap. 7

- A Youtuber AU you didn’t want and didn’t need -

Hisoka Morrow, italian Makeup Youtuber, enjoys his life in the comfort and occasional drama of his profession. But nothing brings more drama into his life than the eldest son of the Zoldyck fashion magazine empire.

Meanwhile, aspiring australian Twitch Streamer Gon Freecs forms a special bond to a Speedrunner commonly going by "Kil".

Chapter 7 “Montero” out now!

AO3 Link

What could be worse than taking care of a teenage boy who is developing a steady video game addiction?

There was a loud bang coming from the room above the kitchen, followed by laughter and cackling. The boys were in Gons room and tried their hardest to set up the sleeping cod. They refused help, naturally, convinced that they are just as capable, confidence heightened by being in each other’s presence, hyping each other up, and the consumption of their own body weight in burgers.

Another bang. A shriek. More laughter. Mito sighed so deeply that she feared a piece of her soul might have left her.

Taking care of TWO teenage boys who are developing a steady video game addiction.

Her phone vibrated with a new message. Gon had sent her a selfie of himself and Killua on the cot, which seemed to be standing securely. The boys were flexing their arm muscles (or lack thereof) with proud looks on their faces, and the only caption was “#success”. Well, at least they are having fun.

.

.

.

Bellissimo<3: Good morning. I am going to pick you up at 1pm, be dressed by then, and pack your bag for tonight’s show. We are going for a brief detour.

Hisoka stretched out on his bed and squinted at the too-bright phone screen. It was 10 in the morning, though the rooms curtains were drawn shut tightly as a defence against harsh sunlight. A lazy smile spread on his lips.

Hisoka: Are we finally running away together to get married in Las Vegas? I thought you’d never ask~~❤️

Bellisssimo<3: I am trying to reward you for not getting arrested last night.

Bellissimo<3: Do not make me regret this.

Hisoka: I should avoid getting arrested more often ❤️

Bellissimo<3: 1pm Hisoka. See you then.

Hisoka let his phone drop back into pillow-mountain. This was certainly an interesting surprise, and an opportunity that the make up artist wasn’t going to waste. Getting One-on-One time with the Zoldyck was something precious and rare to him. Because Illumi was a rarity himself. In a world of increasingly bland and repetitive personalities, especially in his field of work, Illumi presented a challenge of raw potential. Cold and calculated to the masses, an obedient dog to his family, a revolutionary in his work. Hisoka knew that he must be hiding so much more, and the more walls he encountered with the man, the more he wanted to tear them down with his bare hands. Hisoka hated calling whatever this was a ‘Crush’. Sure, he was affectionate towards the other man, and at this point he couldn’t deny the pleasant twist of his heart whenever they touched. But he didn’t yearn for lazy Sundays in bed together, didn’t want the peaceful domesticity that seemed to be inherited in being a ‘couple’.

What do I want?

Hisoka pulled himself out of bed, and made his way to the shower, determined to abandon this pesky train of thought. There was no point in pondering the unlikely. Though… Illumi had been indulging him. And he was going to indulge him again this day. Maybe he wasn’t the only one getting soft, even if neither would ever admit it. The thought brought another satisfied smirk to his lips as he massaged his favourite shampoo into his scalp.

He wondered how Illumis family would react, hypothetically, if they were to end up a couple. The eldest son of the Zoldycks, not just gay, but in a relationship with a makeup artist who is famous for starting drama whenever possible. They certainly would be a more feared and adored couple than if Illumi were to marry some busty heiress who hooks up with her tennis coach when he’s away.

Silva Zoldyck would drop dead right on the spot if Hisoka would ask him if he should call him dad, he was sure.

He stepped out of the steamy shower and mustered his refreshed face in the mirror. Maybe that’s all he wanted. To form something with Illumi that would be even more powerful than the Zoldyck empire, to make everyone else envy/fear/adore them. They had the capacity and the ability to do so, no doubt.

Or maybe he just wanted to have something he wasn’t supposed to have.

Hisoka shrugged to himself, before he went over his usual beauty routine. Today could prove very interesting.

.

.

12:45 pm, Hisoka leaned on his kitchen island, absentmindedly scrolled through social media to beat time. Illumi wasn’t going to be late, but he’s never been early either.

He decided to go with a casual look, fitted beige khakis, with an oxford blue button up, sleeves rolled up just above his elbows, debated with himself on how far unbuttoned would be appropriate-yet-slutty (Top 3 Buttons unbuttoned, was the conclusion). Under his eyes, rested on his cheekbones, he had painted his signature star and teardrop, eyebrows plucked to perfection, and after 10 tries he managed to get a satisfying cat eye done. It was perfectly normal to want to look like hell on wheels while meeting with your friend-partner-associate-crush-insertsatisfactoryterm.

The afternoons were always the worst time to check social media, the calm before the posting-storm that comes during the evening and night. Hisoka had already reached posts that were done last night, a few screenshots taken here and there for future reference and roasting purposes.

Almost fed up with endless scrolling, suddenly it appeared. Hisoka had followed a twitch streamer on twitter recently, some kid who was definitely going to screw up in some point of his career (they always do, when the fame gets to their heads), and didn’t want to miss that mess. “Foxbeargaming”, what the fuck is even a foxbear, he had thought.

He had seen the brat before, in his profile picture and clips of his streams. But that wasn’t the problem with the newly posted selfie.

The problem was that he also recognized the second brat in it. Remembered the way Illumi boasted about his talented little brother, the same wild hair and blue eyes as he showed him a picture of the kid. Killua Zoldyck is currently in the middle of nowhere Australia, and his family most likely doesn’t know about it.

Oh, this will be delicious.

Hisokas day had been upgraded from surprisingly interesting to extremely entertaining if everything were to go smoothly. Immediately revealing to Illumi before their date that his little brother is out in the desert trying to tame himself a boyfriend wouldn’t do either of them good. Let it simmer, let it fester, keep Illumi away from his phone the rest of the day.

Lost in his scheming, he just barely noticed that the clock hit 1pm. He grabbed his bag from the floor and stuffed his phone into his back pocket before he headed out the door.

Hisoka wasn’t sure what he expected, yet he was taken aback by the sight in front of him as he exited the apartment complex.

Illumi leaned leisurely against a black sports car, as if that were his only purpose in life. His sleek hair was tied into a neat ponytail, eyes hidden behind a pair of sunglasses. Hisoka let his eyes take in every detail of him. Peridot green jeans, fashionably washed out, paired with a simple grey polo shirt, the collar popped open just enough to reveal more neck than usual.

“Are you waiting on an invitation?” Illumi didn’t sound as agitated as he probably intended, giving Hisoka only more reason to push his luck.

“I was thinking about whether I want to pounce on you now or later.” He approached the other man, who in turn straightened up his posture in defence. But instead of any hostile movements, Hisoka simply took Illumis hand, and bought it to his lips for a caste kiss. “But I’d rather not spoil our date this early.”

Illumi pulled his hand away, though maybe with a second’s hesitation. “Not happening, also not a date. Get in the car before I change my mind.”

The car was equipped with fabric seats, which Hisoka was grateful for in the Italian heat. “Maybe I should film one of those Vlogs today, what do you think of the title ‘Partner takes me away for secret date’?”

“What about ‘Multimillionaire kicked me out of a speeding car’?”

“Touché.” Now Hisoka was sure that his companion had to be in a good mood, despite what he’d claim, he’d never go along with his jokes if he were feeling neutral-to-pissed otherwise. He rolled his shoulders back into the seat comfortably, golden eyes fixated on the way that Illumis elegant pale hands wrapped around the steering wheel. “I didn’t know you can drive, considering you always have someone to do it for you.”

“I prefer it over flying, and I still consider myself a better driver than half of our staff.”

“I’m sure you’re great at handling stick shift as well.”

“Of co-“Illumi pressed his lips together in sudden annoyance, he most definitely had caught onto Hisokas smirk as he waited for an answer. “That is repulsive.” That prompted the makeup artist to break out into self-satisfied snickering.

“No clue what you’re talking about, Tesoro.” This earned him an eye roll, and silence as the car made its way through mostly empty streets. Hisokas eyes fell onto Illumis phone that rested on the console of the car. “Ah, I’m sure mister multimillionaire has Spotify Premium, right? Let me turn on some music.”

“Use your own phone.”

“I ran out of data volume. Are you that afraid I’ll discover your disastrous music taste?” His teasing smirk was met with another, more defeated eyeroll and a sigh.

“Don’t play anything trashy. The passcode is 0707.” After a questioning silence, he added “It’s Killuas birthday.”

Hisoka replied with an appreciative purr, before he started scrolling through the others music library. No personal playlists, not even a profile picture attached to his account. He was almost offended at the man’s lack of care for something as deeply personal as ones Spotify account, something that surely could tell a lot about a person. “Tchaikovsky? I’m not sure if I am impressed or utterly bored. Oh-“ His eyes stopped on a familiar album cover. “Maybe you’re not a lost cause after all, dear.”

A button press later, and the familiar opening sounds to Tame Impalas “Currents” played. The faintest trace of a smile curled on Illumis lips, barely noticeable, but Hisoka wanted to burn it into his mind anyway. Never mind that he took the brief distraction to turn the others phone onto silent mode. No unnecessary distractions.

It took the rest of the album until Illumi pulled the car into the exit towards the nature reserve near Lago di Bracciano, the last notes of “New Person, Same old Mistakes” dying together with the engine as they parked.

Hisoka stretched at the warm sunlight that caressed his skin when he exited the vehicle. Birds sang happily in the trees that lined the path around the large lake, and the only other person in sight was an elderly woman walking a small white dog. As the second car door shut close, he turned around with a pleased smile that showed off his shining teeth. “I never took you for the kind to take afternoon strolls.”

His friend-or-whatever set a relaxed pace onto the path and looked out onto the deep blue water. “I can’t sit around the hotel room the entire day, can I? And Rome is crawling with sweaty tourists and noisy journalists.”

“So you wanted to get some quality time outside?” Hisoka absentmindedly ran his tongue over his own sharp incisors.

“Correct.” Illumi didn’t seem to notice, or at least ignored, the predatory gesture.

“With me.”

He missed a beat before a simple, “It seemed appropriate.”.

This earned him an appreciative purr, before the men walked in silence along the large lake. Italy still wouldn’t reach its heights of temperatures this time of year, but any breeze was still a welcomed change from the rising humidity and sting of the sun. Hisoka wondered how much the others pale skin would change if he’d expose himself for a bit longer to the sun, if he’d immediately burn up in red, or if he’d start to tan, even just the faintest bit. He’d definitely look more alive, less like a puppet on invisible strings.

They continued to walk in a comfortable silence next to each other, took in the different sounds and sights of nature and the others presence, until eventually they reached the border of one of the shore towns. Beautiful stone buildings climbed the side of a smaller hill, only interrupted by greenery sprouting up between them. The main path was lined with flower shops, cafes, and Gelateria, whose smells mixed into a pleasant sweetness in the air. But one store in particular stood out. It wasn’t super flashy, it could have been found in any city and any street, but Hisoka knew this one from memory.

Without hesitation, he grabbed the others hand, effectively stopping him in his tracks.

“Excuse me-“ Before he could free his hand, Hisoka intertwined their fingers and pulled him closer.

“Let me treat you to something as well, I promise you won’t regret it,amore.” As his flaming eyes were met with a wrinkled nose, the sunshades Illumi were as not-telling as his eyes, he added “If you do regret it, I’ll gladly let you drown me right here.”

There was hesitation as the other mans wrist twitched against his hold. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

The absence of a struggle was still taken as accepting whatever had gotten him so excited, and thus Illumi was quickly pulled and seated outside the small café. Hisokas attitude had changed from a lazy yet scheming happiness, to pure, unfiltered excitement. It became almost impossible for him to sit still, he rapidly tapped his fingernails against the small glass table, until a waitress (in her mid-40s, he assumed) stepped out. She handed the men a small, leather bound menu, though both were immediately snatched by Hisoka and held back towards her.

“Non sarà necessario. Ordineremo la Cheesecake alla fragola. Grazie.”

“Certamente.” The woman replied with a smile, before she retreated into the shop.

“Cheesecake?” Illumi asked with a raised eyebrow, he had taken off his sunglasses by now and placed them on the table.

Hisoka tutted, “Not any Cheesecake, dear, it is the best Cheesecake you will ever have. I will have it at my wedding, funeral, and every occasion in between that.”

“I take it you’ve been here before.”

“When I had just moved to Rieti, I’d come here almost every weekend, though I unfortunately stopped when weekends became workdays as well.” He considered carefully how much more he was willing to share about that time of his life with the other, though the decision was taken off him as the waitress approached with two plates, each adorned with a generous slice of cheesecake, topped with strawberry slices and strawberry jam dripping off it.

His jaw clenched in anticipation as he watched Illumi take the first bite of the cake, reminiscent of all the rituals he’d do for him whenever he visited. It felt degrading to admit that he wanted to impress and gain the approval of the Zoldyck, but not degrading enough to stop the attention seeking behaviour.

A bite. Some careful chewing. Averted eyes because Hisoka was staringbut he did not care. He swallowed.

Illumi didn’t look at him as he spoke, seemingly engrossed in studying the décor of the shop. But his eyes betrayed him, Hisoka swore he saw something within the dark orbs glisten and flash to life. He didn’t know people could smile only with their eyes, but Illumi continued to be different in the most intoxicating way. “It’s… really good.”

Hisoka tried hard not to pick up his train of thought from the morning, tried not to think about what he wanted from Illumi or a relationship, and he especially tried not to think about the growing urge to leap across the table at that very moment to kiss him until their lips were sore. Instead, he started to eat his own cake, and failed to supress his sharpened smile.

They ate mostly in silence, safe for Hisokas muffled crazed snickering, and ordered espresso to chase down the thick cake.

“Hey, let’s play a game. What is wrong with that woman over there?” Hisoka pointed at a blonde who rested against a railing near the lake.

Illumi seemed to consider for a second whether he even wanted to play a weird game like that, before he stopped mid espresso-sip. “Ah. Those red heels are obviously spray-painted on.”

“Bingo~! It’s super obvious, right? You can still see the black shine through.”

“I’m more concerned about the uneven stitching on her shirt. Either she did that herself, or she has gotten scammed.”

Somehow that conversation triggered them to analyse the fashion choices of every stranger they encountered on their way back to the car with increasingly devilish tones. Illumi Zoldyck was a surprisingly good gossiper, and Hisoka filed that fact into the growing corner of his brain that he reserved just for him.

In the car, Illumi informed him they would just head to his hotel room to get dressed for the show, and then head there together. Any attempt at a joke about spending hotel-room-time wisely was, expectedly, cut off.

.

.

.

Illumi had never focused on the road this much in his entire life. He tried to be grateful that they had managed to get ready for the show in his hotel room without any major incidents, but now Hisoka was seated next to him again, wearing the suit he made for him. He looked good, annoyingly so. Naturally, Illumi wouldn’t grant him the satisfaction of telling him that though. He had indulged the man plenty enough for that day already and was holding back from chastising himself for it.

Last night had made him soft, Illumi decided. A brief waver of confidence and self-preservation that made him want to spend one-on-one time with Hisoka, in what may have resembled friendship to an outsider.

But his head was clearer now, cleansed from whatever foolishness had overcome him – the image of his mother recovering from a coughing fit and regaining her composure crept itself into his mind. Unrelated, he thought, though cleared his throat regardless.

“Machi says the crowd tonight is dreadful. Do you think she is just saying that to keep me from going~?” Hisoka tapped his long nails against the screen of his phone. Machi was a model they both have worked with in the past, though she was no where close to a breakthrough. A pretty face, objectively spoken, though smaller than most models, and the personality of royalty about to be executed. Do they always text each other?

“She’s there as well today?” He tried not to sound bitter. He didn’t have a reason to be bitter.

“Mhm, she’s modelling for a friend of hers it seems, though all the examples she sent me looked like someone with a priest-kink designed them, so it doesn’t hurt as much that she didn’t hire me as her artist.”

A moment of silence. “I see.” Illumi was not going to indulge Hisoka even more by inquiring about the nature of his relationship to the woman. It did not concern him; it wasn’t relevant to him or his work.

“Illumi?” Hisoka leaned over in his seat, golden eyes piercing into the side of his face.

“Yes, Hisoka?” Just now he noticed that he had been clenching his jaw uncomfortably.

“Are you jealous of Machi?” He didn’t need to look to know that Hisoka was smiling from one ear to the other, voice dripping with joy. He wasn’t going to look at Hisoka.

“You are insane. Why would I be jealous of her? I pity the girl, still having to work as a favour for acquaintances.”

Predatory eyes continued to drill into him, and a dangerous purr escaped the man, “Is that so?”.

“Yes, don’t be ridiculous.” They pulled into the valet line.

“Then you surely won’t mind that she’ll meet us in the entrance hall, wonderful!”

Illumi shouldn’t mind. It should be perfectly fine that instead of spending the evening alone with Hisoka, a good-looking young woman with an unclear relationship to him would meet them. He definitely couldn’t be jealous; it would be irrational and yet-

He threw the keys to the car at the valet and grabbed the number-marker without a word. His face wouldn’t give it away to others, that he was practically fuming, but Hisoka seemed to take pleasure in the subtle way that Illumis facial features tightened. “I heard jealousy can give you wrinkles~” Hisoka whispered cheekily as they approached the venue entrance, rows of reporters and interviewers lined at the sides, even more so than at the opening day before.

“You must have a lot of experience with that.” He hissed in reply and straightened his posture as they passed the crowd, mostly reporters who desperately tried to take pictures of attendees. Pictures, Interviews, all loathsome cries for attention that Illumi has always tried to avoid as much as possible without damaging the families reputation. He looked down the carpeted entrance and spotted the young woman known as Machi Komacine, clothed in a painfully tight black dress adorned with rosaries draped around her waist like belts, her messy pink hair pulled into a high ponytail. Her posture signalled boredom, but her eyes screamed murder.

Illumi was not a man who easily feared anyone, especially not a woman who stands at 5’2 proud; But he also was not necessarily thrilled to approach her. As he tried to hiss something in Hisokas direction again, something about not having much time to chat with their acquaintance due to meeting a client, he noticed: The other man had stayed behind, and was now busy posing for numerous cameras. Their eyes met, and with a mischievous grin, Hisoka held his hand out to beckon Illumi closer. For Pictures. Together.

Take pictures with Hisoka together in a public appearance that will most definitely set the gears of the rumour mill in motion; Or approach Machi alone and run the risk of uncomfortable conversation about our respective relationships to Hisoka?

He looked back at Machi, whose eyes met his instantly with a raised eyebrow. Fucking Hell-

Illumi made his way back to Hisoka, casually disregarded the hand that was held out to him and positioned himself as practiced – left arm leisurely to the side, right arm three quarters across his front. Not too strict, but not too relaxed either. In contrast, Hisoka had his left hand in the pocket of his suit, his right hand rested on Illumis shoulder as if were the most natural thing in the world. Journalists started to yell even more for their attention now, asking pesky questions that he tried to ignore, telling them to stand closer to each other, the likes. He kept the façade of his neutral face through the blinding flashes intact, even as Hisoka snaked his arms from his shoulder around his waist. “Do you wish for a public execution?”

“It looks better for the pictures~”

Illumi brushed a few strands of hairs behind his shoulder and used the motion to glance back to where Machi was waiting, her steady gaze on the two of them. “It’s rude to let her wait.”

“How considerate you are!” Hisoka snickered. “I know you aren’t jealous, caro, but I’d still like to reassure you of something.”

“And what’s that?”

“Machi and I look for, how should I say, very different things in a partner.” He tugged at Illumi waist and pulled him closer. “She’s looking for women and I am not.”

“Oh.” Illumi continued to look at the reporters cooing for their attention, as he tried not to think of the warm hand on his waist that felt searing hot and- Wait.

“OH.” He turned in Hisokas hold to properly look at him, who in turned grinned like the cat that ate the canary, then he looked back to Machi, and suddenly he felt stupid, which he didn’t experience a lot.

“Feeling relieved, even though you definitely weren’t jealous?”

“I think they got enough pictures.”

Illumi heard Hisokas snickering trail behind him as he made his way down the entrance. Machis eyes met his again, hands steady on her hips. Up closer now, he could observe the details of her dress, white seams stitched into crucifixes that crept up the sides, and the number “3” painted on every bead of the rosaries. It was cleanly executed, but Illumi was confident in the superiority of his own work.

“Miss Komacine.” He extended his hand to her, which she shook half-heartedly.

“Illumi. I’d like to get to business talk right away, so I don’t have to look at this clown longer than necessary.”

“Business talk?”

The young woman lit a cigarette for herself and shot a glare to Hisoka. “I assume you didn’t tell him I wanted to speak with him?” This granted her only a shrug and a smile from the man. “Fine, whatever. Illumi, I want to model for your next line, it would proof beneficial for both of us.”

“I don’t deal in women’s fashion. Furthermore, I do not see how I’d gain benefits from having you work for me.” Finally, a topic he felt comfortable to speak about, even it was only to criticize the woman for her awful attempt at business.

“I don’t mind wearing a suit, you should be at least competent enough to make smaller sizes, right?” She stepped closer to push a sharp index finger against his chest. “And about those benefits; Having me model for you would give me more exposure from a mainstream crowd, and thus exposure for my group. You would gain exposure to a wider audience of underground fashion-following, that isn’t influenced by your family’s name, meaning you could manifest a name for yourself. Unless you prefer being ‘a Zoldyck’ forever.”

The nerve. The audacity. Illumi considered just calling her a presumptuous cunt and leaving with his pride intact, but Machi looked like the kind of woman who knew how to slice car tires and break-wires.

A manicured hand curled around his shoulder, and Hisoka pushed himself between Machi and him. “What could be better than this; My two favourite people in this world, getting along, talking friendly business. Unfortunately, dear Machi, there’s some people inside that are dying to meet us tonight, so we’ll catch you later~”

Before he could object, Illumi was pushed through the entrance of the venue. The large runway was occupied by a high-end brand that premiered their women’s gala collection, mood-lighting engulfed the rest of the room, rhythmic beats of low music drowned out most of the talking crowd.

“Be a darling and just let her offer simmer a little. Machi can be very scary when she’s mad, and not in the way I enjoy.” Hisoka purred closer to his ear.

“Did you know she was going to ask?”

“What if I did?”

A waiter offered them drinks on a tray, and Illumi leisurely grabbed a glass of champagne.

“What does that even mean, ‘a Zoldyck’, as if it is something bad.”

“Don’t wreck your pretty head over it, you know how women are.” Hisoka laughed, and Illumi wasn’t sure how serious he meant that, considering that personally he had no idea how women are, and after newest revelations, neither did Hisoka.

But through the course of the night, Illumi couldn’t get it out of his head. He pretended not to notice how people approached Hisoka, addressed him by his name, first or full name, and talked with him about the content he has created, complimented on his most recent videos and looks. And he pretended not to notice how people approached him, addressed him only by his last name, and asked about the family business. “Mr. Zoldyck, are you going to write an article about this line?” “Mr. Zoldyck, about the next issue-“ “Mr. Zoldyck, tell my greetings to your father.”

No word about his own collection he had premiered. No one even uttered his first name.

He was ‘a Zoldyck’. Nothing more, nothing less.

“If looks could kill, we’d be ankle deep in a blood bath by now.” Hisoka snaked an arm around Illumis waist again and rested his hand on the tip of his hip. The designer took a long sip of the bitter champagne, casually slapped away the offending hand, and kept his dark eyes fixed on the crowd. “Still pouting because Machi was being a bully?”

“I am not pouting.”

“And you weren’t jealous either, got it~”

An eye roll, followed by “I have a headache, what’s the time anyway?” Illumi tried to reach for his phone in his pocket, though before he could grab it, Hisoka took hold of his wrist. They locked eyes, and even in the dim lighting of the venue, Illumi saw something wild glisten in those amber eyes. “Let’s leave, together, to my place.”

“Very subtle, Hisoka. I am not going to-”

“Indulge me, Tesoro, I want to show you something.” Determined to blame it on the repulsive atmosphere that had build itself up at the fashion show, Illumi let himself be swept away by Hisoka for the second time that day. The thought of getting away from noisy reporters and cockroaches of the industry who only knew him as the eldest Zoldyck.- former Heir to the empire, was pleasant enough, yet he also didn’t have to be alone and actively think about his reputation, name, and being a ‘lapdog’, technically a win-win situation.

The drive back to the apartment was oddly quiet, despite Hisokas prior excitement. The car tore through the dark night primarily in silence, only accented by the ‘The Velvet Underground’ album they agreed on after scrolling through Hisokas bizarre Spotify library. It definitely wasn’t the kind of music he was used to from the home he was raised in, didn’t fit between the classical music his mother used to play before her headaches made it impossible and the obscene noise music that Killua would play to trigger the same headaches.

“Could you check my messages for me?”

Hisoka hummed in response and grabbed the phone, manicured nails tapping on the screen, before dropping it unceremoniously back into the cup-holders. “Batteries dead.”

“That can’t be, I charged it before I went out this morning, the battery is supposed to hold for a minimum of 72 hours when idle.”

“Your dainty British batteries sometimes give out under Italian heat, invest in better engineering, and charge it at my place for now.”

“…This will better be worth the trouble.”

The streets of Rieti were expectantly empty, and Illumi parked the car right in front of the apartment (Was it a legal parking spot? Unlikely. But parking fines barely matter when seemingly half the world knows your families name.)

The stairs, the door, the entrance, Illumi knew all of these things about Hisokas apartment. “What is there to show me?”

“Patience. Come here~” Hisoka opened the doors to the balcony, white drapes gently tossed in the fresh breeze. The Zoldyck followed- with sceptical hesitation, but followed nonetheless.

He rested his hands on the railing, eyes turned sky-wards, a few strands of hair upset by the wind.

“If you took me here to just look at the stars, I’m not sure which one of us is the bigger fool.”

“Right, if we wanted to look at soon-to-be dead stars, we could have stayed at the show. But we’re not here for them. They are insignificant, always there to look at until one day they vanish and are forgotten. The real star of the show is over there.” He pointed a long nail at the night sky, and Illumi tried to follow where it pointed.

“The moon? Really?”

“Close, but also mundane and boring. Here- “Before Illumi could react, the strange man had placed their heads next to each other and started to correct Illumis position with a pointed yet gentle grip on his chin. “Look straight ahead.”

Just a little bit off to the left of the moon shone a star brighter than anything else, for a moment Illumi felt ridiculous for missing it.

“It’s Venus. Among all these long dead stars, she’s ever present, stands out the most, and is a rare sight to behold.”

“You took me away from the show to gaze at other planets?” Illumi turned towards the other man, suddenly all too aware of how close they were standing once again.

“I took you away from the show because no one there is capable of understanding your true potential. The way everyone there only sees you as an extension of your family is so infuriating, that it makes me want to ruin all their hopeless little dreams right in front their pitiful faces.” With a swift movement Hisoka had pinned the designer against the railing of the balcony. “You could crush all these people under your heel and make them beg for forgiveness. And there’s nothing I’d rather see than that.”

“I don’t need to make anyone beg, if I want something, I get it. It’s always been like that.” A cold thumb traced the line of his sharp chin, followed by a dark chuckle, and all of a sudden Illumi felt fatigued, all air leaving his lungs. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembers his mother recalling symptoms like that. It’s a sickness, nothing more nothing less.

“You get it because you’re a pretty show dog held on a short leash by your family.”

Fucking lapdog. The weight on his chest feels like it could crush his organs any second.

“I’m not asking you to bite the hand that feeds you. But I’d give everything to see what you could do if you were free of restraints.”

Feeling like he needed to hold onto anything, Illumi grabbed onto the back of the other man’s head, fingers buried in wild hair. “And why would you care so much? If you’re just trying to rile me up, there’s ways that don’t make me want to throw you off the balcony and watch your mangled body struggle for life.”

“It’s because you fascinate me, Illumi. You’re my Venus in a sea of dying stars. I want to observe you in all your glory as you outshine everyone else, in your full potential.”

“Who says I won’t crush you as well?” His fingers grasped harder on a few strands of hair. Everything in his body felt wrong, the way his skin was freezing all over, but searing hot wherever he made contact with the other man, the suffocating weight on his chest increased by the second, and in the back of his mind something about sickness echoes again.

They locked eyes, and just then Illumi noticed how close they truly were, Hisokas hot breath falling onto his lips.

And he should have pushed him away.

Should have slapped him, insulted him like the sorry maggot he was.

But he felt weak and sick and so cold, and Hisoka radiated pure heat.

Their lips met, softer than expected of either of them, and Illumi wondered if this is what it feels like to be saved from drowning.

A pleasant warmth seeped into his body, and his lungs felt weightless, like he could breathe for the first time in his life.

Hisoka kissed like each touch might be the last, and Illumi let himself be guided as he wanted, eventually wrapping his arms around the others neck, eager to steal as much of this intoxicating heat as possible.

The man kissed along his jawline, stopping just barely below his ear. “Stay here tonight, cuore mio.”

And Illumi placed a kiss to his temple, as gentle as a man who was never been taught gentleness with people could manage. “Let’s go inside.”

[spokenfromtheheartandsoul]

The Great Jam Debacle: the full story

(+ and the parallels to Bitty’s life)

(well, whether or not it parallels Bitty’s life is up to you to decide. i’ll lay out the details, you fill in the holes and let me know. also, this may or may not make sense. it is past my bedtime. forgive me.)

First suggestion of an impending threat to the Bittle Family Jam Heritage, also known as The Great Jam Debacle (TGJD): the first update we see Bitty after Jack’s dramatic last-minute graduation kiss. At this point in time, the only people who know Bitty and Jack are together...are just Bitty and Jack themselves. 

Next appearance of The Jam: Eric Bittle nopes out of a conversation about an impending Educational Task he must do with excellently practiced denial (a trait that seemingly runs through all the Bittle men). This occurs right after we see Bitty and Jack have their first conversation about Bitty making up excuses to his teammates about why he knows so much about the Falconers - aka, the first signs of stress we see in Bitty about hiding his relationship.

A couple updates later begins with Jack opening a PB(ittle)&J sandwich made by yours truly the morning before one of his games. Jack gets injured during his game, and Bitty decides he will never again use the dastardly Pluot Jam again.

I was curious if this jam was indeed the betraying Judy’s Jam we’d heard so much about. After some extensive, thorough research into Ngozi’s blog updates, I made the discovery that Bitty had long since abandoned the Suzanne-Bittle-Jam-Heritage, and has crossed over into Aunt-Judy-Jam territory by this point in time. 

This raises the question: when did Bittle first decide to try a new recipe? And that particular recipe? A forbidden one? What called him to it? Surely, such preservation treason would not come without reason. We may never know, but intriguing to speculate about, nonetheless. 

In any case, it seems suggested that jam has the power to incur major life events. Pluot Jam = bad, Apricot Spread = Good Defense. Interesting.

After this, we go a few updates that are, tragically, jam-less. Bitty’s stresses of hiding his relationship from the Haus comes to a head, we get the Hi, Honey voicemail and phone call and Jack’s 5AM rain-soaked impromtou visit to the Haus, and Bitty and Jack decide to come to a compromise by coming out to Bitty’s teammates, and also to Jack’s parents. 

Things are also going well for the both of them hockey-wise. A couple updates later Jack even goes on to tell George and a few of his own teammates.

But fear not! The jam makes a triumphant surprise reappearance in the update where Nursey and Dex get their King Solomon-style dibs. In this update, it is revealed to us that not only is Bitty following her jam recipes, but also her sterilization techniques. You’re playing a dangerous game here, Mr. Bittle.

Nothing too significant happens with regards to Bitty’s life in that update but...

The previous update just so happens to be followed by the one where Bitty meets Jack’s teammates and their significant others. Another big step towards coming out in their relationship. Another step Bitty takes in becoming more comfortable with himself as Jack’s boyfriend. 

Interestingly enough, in that same update we get a flashback to the moment where Jack introduces the fact that he has a boyfriend to the rest of his team ... with none other than, you guessed it, Bitty’s PB&J, made with the one and only life-changing jam, a la Aunt Judy.

This is followed by one of the last updates for Bitty’s junior year, where Samwell doesn’t make it past the first round in playoffs. Stresses are running at an all-time high for Bitty, what with not making it into the playoffs, stressing about Jack’s playoffs too, still not having told his parents about Jack, still not having told his parents about his summer plans with Jack, probably not doing so well in school because he’d rather bake, and on top of it all, having all the seniors - the last people in the Haus that have been by Bitty’s side since his first year at Samwell - all graduating ... Bitty gets himself into a bit of a jam, to put it into his own words.

At the end of that same update, Jack visits Samwell, and Tater comes along, too. Tater posts a few nice pictures on social media from his visit. 

I quite enjoy this one, with the transgressing jam jars in full and open display, WITH credit to its truthful owner (thank god Suzanne doesn’t check Tater’s social media regularly) while a familiar blonde head, conveniently, is just out of the shot. 

BUT!!!!!! It does not end there. 

In the words of Her Majesty Ngozi in that update’s blog notes:

She’s been hinting at this jam thing all along, y’all.

Judy comes up in the comics once more (sans-jam), but coincidentally, it just so happens to be in the same comic where Bitty has a harrowing phone call with his mother and tells her about his plans to stay with Jack for the summer. He also tries to tell her about his relationship, but the words don’t make it out in the end.

Now, here’s where things get even more interesting. The next update is dedicated to Jack’s team advancing in the playoffs. The update that follows is the Center Ice update, in which Jack’s team finally wins the cup starts off with a flashback to a scene where Bitty makes Jack a PB&J sandwich. 

Not just any PB&J sandwich, but the very first time he made a pre-game PB(etrayal)&J(udy’s Jam)’s for Jack, as a matter of fact. Just like his mama used to make them! 

(well, just like his mama used to make them....except for one (jam) tiny (jam) little (jam) thing (jam) )

Lots of Big, Life-Changing things happen in this update. 

We see Bitty give the first pre-game good-luck PB&J to Jack (it’s assumed after this he makes one for Jack before every game he’s able to be there for), and Jack says he loves Bitty for the first time.

And this scene, as well all know, is followed by the iconic, heart-stopping scene where the Falconers win, and Bitty and Jack say up yours to all the haters and have their happy-place kiss right on Center Ice. And I’m pretty sure Jack definitely had a good-luck sandwich from his boyfriend before the game, too.

(Still don’t think Judy’s jam has magical, life-event-incurring, transformative properties y’all?)

Now, as hockey starts fading out, we go through a couple jam-less updates. But lots of things still happen! Bitty comes out to his mother over an emotional phone-call, and firmly tells her that he isn’t coming home that summer. 

The next update starts with one of Bitty’s blog updates. And along with him making most of his social media private, and right before he takes a social media hiatus -- the jam feud makes a reappearance.

(on that note - part EIGHT???????????????)

After that, we have a lack of jam in the next few updates. 

What’s worth noting, however, is that in those same few jam-less updates, Bitty starts his senior year as captain of the Samwell Men’s Hockey team, and is officially out and open to the world about his relationship with Jack (enough to speak about it in his vlogs, too)! He’s also not taking the role of captain lightly - he’s confident, and he’s rising to the challenge that a position like that calls for, he’s reaching out to other sports captains at the school, and he’s not scared to boss around a bunch of jocks. In other words, he’s finally growing into himself more and more as a captain, as a person, and as Eric fuckin’ Richard Bittle. 

Things are going well for Bitty. And then, right when an unexpected visitor brings things to a screeching halt and forces Bitty to deal with his problems (and stop avoiding them) a little sooner than expected - while the treasonous jam itself does not make an appearance, a certain aunt does:

Of course, it’s up to your interpretation if the Aunt-sighting right when Bitty’s father makes a visit, right before Bitty gets checked in the following game in the same update, is nothing but a coincidence, but.............it just makes sense, y’all.

Now, we’re approaching the final showdown. A jam-down, if you will. 

(No? I know. I’m sorry. I know that was bad. I’m tired. It’s past midnight here. Just hang in there. We’re close to the end.)

Bitty finally talks it out with Coach, and Coach tells him that he is good. After this, there’s only one person left that Bitty has yet to completely speak frankly and resolve things with, and that just so happens to be the same person from whom he’s hiding this whole Great Jam Debacle secret from in the first place. 

Mama Bittle.

And sure enough, the next time (and final? yet to be seen!) the jam makes an appearance, is right after Mrs. Bittle tells Bitty that she’ll love him no matter what and no matter who he brings home, and that he’ll always have a home to come back to. Bitty clearly feels relieved and happy by her words ... but there’s still one last thing left for him to be honest about.

And she takes it well.

Just to top it off, in the words of The Great One, Ngozi Ukazu, in that week’s blog update:

She also said in the same blog update:

I hope I am doing this a vague, partial semblance of justice, Ngozi. 

(Also, thank you for saying that there is indeed a full explanation behind it and for making me feel less crazy for spending 4 hours finding metaphors in things like curtains)

Anyways - last but definitely not least, in the next update, Bitty finally takes a moment to be truthful by admitting to himself to Jack about how he has no idea what he’s going to do after graduation, and how that’s worrying him. And by voicing those fears aloud, he is finally forcing himself to be honest to himself, and talk about something he’s probably been avoiding thinking about. 

And what do you know, in the same update, we get to witness the actual woman in the flesh, the Founding Father of The Judy Jam, the Transgressing Preservative Contender - Judith Phelps.

And that, folks, brings us to the end of this scintillating journey. (for now, anyway. who knows what other chaos-unfolding jellyroll or johnnycake recipes Judy has under her sleeve. bitty’s still got to properly finish his thesis. keep an eye out for a potential part 2). 

Thanks for taking the time to hear me extensively ramble at length about preservation heretics and their subsequent parallels to the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of Collegiate Level Ice Hockey Bitty’s journey in opening up to those around him, while also being true to himself. Hope you had a good time. If you didn’t see the parallels, that’s fine too. If there’s one thing you should take away from this, it is that Jam is not to be taken lightly. It has life-changing properties.

I should probably spellcheck and edit this before posting, but it’s 2:57 in the morning, I think I hear birds chirping, and writing this has made me REALLY crave a PB&J sandwich with some honest-to-god real jam, so I think I might make one right now. Maybe also find a grocery store that’s open 24 hours.

Any errors or confusion you may have come across in this post can be blamed on jam. 

[inspired-by-the-music]

For You: Stand By Me

Taglist: @jineunwootrash​

If you would like to be added to the taglist of any of this blog’s works, please ask!

Recommended Reading: For You: 4 O’Clock; these works have separate, independent, but deeply interwoven timelines.

Chapter 5: The Boy Who Said ‘Always’ 

Lei’s POV

Thirteen is a landmark age for everybody, I think. When I was thirteen, my life took off in a positive direction, but there were some drawbacks.

Sehun finally made his debut as an idol, attracting the attention and admiration that he always deserved. This wasn’t such a bad thing in itself, but I had seen less and less of him in the weeks leading up to his debut, and I almost stopped seeing him altogether once he was officially a member of EXO. It was a little sad, only being able to see him from the opposite side of a screen when he had been before my eyes for all those years, but I was happy that his dreams were being realized.

Maybe missing him would have been more crippling had I not been so busy with my own projects. Every morning, Amber and I sprinted through the halls of studios downtown to catch idols for interviews before their promotional stages. By the afternoon, I was back in the training studio with people closer to me in age and experience, working toward our shared goal of becoming real idols too.

Why I Experienced A Surge In Happiness At Thirteen:

I spent most of my time with Amber, who I admired deeply.

Speaking to such a vast collection of idols every morning taught me what I was training for: the opportunity to entertain others and express myself through art.

Johnny, Mark, and many of the others who would go on to form NCT took me under their wing on co-ed days.

Joy looked out for me on girls’ training days.

With Johnny, Mark, the rest of NCT, and Joy on my side, the mean girls were much less vocal in their bullying.

I know that this is kind of silly since I swear I believed Sehun when he taught me that others’ approval (or disapproval) didn’t define me, but I remember smiling from ear to ear when Amber showed me all of the supportive comments from people who called themselves my fans just from watching me interview idols with her. So many people cheered for me even though I hadn’t debuted or shown any hint of talent yet.

Even then, it occurred to me that Amber had carefully combed through all of the comments only to show me the uplifting messages, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to dwell on criticisms that I couldn’t see— especially not when she had gone to such lengths to inspire me. Besides, having just been freed from my braces, I embraced almost every opportunity to smile and boast my lack of a gap.

Those days weren’t necessarily easy or perfect, but they were simpler (at least in part) because I did not yet have to manage my image on social media. In my dealings with the public, I followed Amber’s lead and trusted that everything would work out. Now that I am older and I better understand those responsibilities, I hope that I wasn’t a burden to her.

The thing is, Amber never treated me like a burden. In many ways, she almost acted as if we were equal— as if she didn’t outrank me in age and experience in the industry. Still, she was responsible, protective, and considerate of me, all without ever boasting about what she did for me. Those days of following her lead shaped me more than I can ever explain.

If you imagine the perfect older sister, I promise that Amber was better in every way. She proved that every day and especially when we went to Japan for the S.M. showcase and she coordinated that belated surprise for my birthday.

Because that week in Japan marked my first break from training since I started a year prior, the trip was something like a vacation for me. My only responsibility was to help Amber vlog backstage. Once I was done with that, I reported to Super Junior’s dressing room, where Mom had set up a big screen for me to watch all of the performances without getting in anybody’s way.

I was alone, but I had long since learned to entertain myself. When a song I especially liked played through the speakers (spoiler: being first and foremost S.M. trash, I liked every song), I would set my popcorn down at my feet to stand and emulate the choreography while singing along.

Suffice it to say, then, that I was having the time of my life before the morning Amber tiptoed into my hotel room to tug me out of bed before the sun had emerged from its place tucked behind the clouds.

I knew that we were going somewhere special when she gave me a gift bag containing a pair of bubble gum pink overalls. To avoid waking Mom, who was sprawled out and snoring into her pillow, Amber whispered, “Happy Late Birthday! Hurry up and change into that. They’re waiting for us downstairs.”

Amber had been careful not to name who was waiting for us downstairs, but I wouldn’t have believed her if she had. Never in a million years would I have dreamed of meeting Key and Minho in the hotel lobby. They stood, bickering, by the front doors.

I guess Amber wasn’t expecting to see Key either. Furrowing her brows at him, she demanded, “What are you doing here?”

Key scoffed, “Good morning to you too,” but I caught the ghost of a dimple in his left cheek and figured that he was one of many who had a thing for Amber.

She seemed a little oblivious, wrinkling her forehead as she crossed her arms. “Where is Taemin?”

“Yeah.” Minho hurled fire at Key with his eyes as he repeated, “Where is Taemin?”

Key shrugged. “Fast asleep, I guess.” And Minho rolled his eyes.

My face, red enough from being so close to members of my all-time favorite group, darkened with the repeated references to Taemin, who must have been my ultimate bias. I breathed, heart pounding as I was trapped somewhere between relief and disappointment at the realization that he wouldn’t be joining us.

Too overwhelmed by Key and Minho and Taemin’s mere name, I didn’t even notice that Sehun was standing in a darkened corner until he said, “It looks like it’s going to rain soon. Shouldn’t we try to beat the rain?”

Something I can’t understand washed over me. Never in the years of knowing Sehun had I ever embraced him before, so I don’t know what I was thinking when I ran to him and threw my arms around his waist. It couldn’t have lasted for more than a second. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I released him, blushing harder than I had in my entire life.

Thankfully, Key and Minho were too focused on Amber (who was too busy trying to figure out where Taemin was) to witness my utter humiliation. The only witness was Sehun, who only blinked at me. A corner of his lips flicked upward as he waved. “Hi.”

He must have been in a good mood that day. When I finally gathered the courage to meet his gaze, he wasn’t glaring at me. Maybe because I was embarrassed enough without his lecture, he didn’t bother to correct my behavior.

I imitated his tiny smile and waved back. “Hi.”

And then I felt it all at once: how much I missed our everyday interactions— that I was no longer the only one who thought he was the most handsome person— that while I had naturally memorized his every word and every expression, while I had appreciated our every scattered moment, something about Sehun was past tense.

And I had never known to prepare myself for the feeling that I was saying goodbye to something that I couldn’t name but loved nonetheless. I probably couldn’t have prepared myself anyway, and I wouldn’t have wanted to risk ruining the days that are now memories by anticipating the end, but I was so caught off guard by the influx of emotions at the sight of Sehun that (all day) I struggled to catch my breath.

I couldn’t quite hear Minho tattle to Amber that Key had stolen Taemin’s ticket to Sanrio Puroland— I couldn’t quite smile about the surprise destination or mourn the missed opportunity to meet my ultimate idol— over the screaming thought that they were slipping away — or maybe (deep down I knew) they were already gone: the days of sitting by Sehun’s side.

It’s sad that so many details of what could have been our last golden day are lost in my memory. Even as I sit here, trying to dust off the memories off with my pen, all I can recover is the all-consuming fear that I was losing him who was never mine.

There is something sad about the passive love I had for Sehun. No matter how we changed, no matter how many days passed, no matter how the trees and flowers wilted and blossomed, come rain or shine, whether we spoke every day or never again, I would always want to see him just one more time. Always, even if one of us should try to strike it dead, even if one of us should try to forget, my one hope would be to see him happy.

The sad part is: I never willingly gave him my heart. Sehun had it from the moment we met. While something about that is very sweet and childlike and beautiful, it is cruelly unfair. Had my heart ever been mine to give, I probably would have given it to him anyway, but that’s not the point.

I read once that you don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I never got a say in who hurt me. If I had gotten a say in who hurt me, though, I probably still would have chosen Sehun. Like that book said, I probably would have liked my choice.

Anyway, here is what I remember. Here is what I can never forget:

Minho and Key, in their competition for Amber’s attention, had trampled on Sehun’s last nerve, so he wordlessly gestured me away from the group, toward a cotton candy stand.

Nobody noticed the almost childlike smile that grew on his face as he asked, “You like the little bunny, right?” He pointed to bright pink cotton candy shaped in My Melody’s image, and I nodded, too stunned that he remembered my favorite Sanrio character to speak.

When you love somebody the way I loved Sehun, you imagine that there is some deep significance to everything they say and do. Maybe that’s foolish. Or maybe something perceived or imagined is somehow real too. I don’t know.

Even on the most superficial level, I appreciated the smile he concealed behind the tall cotton candy before he entrusted it to me.

Chest heavy and aching for reasons even his apparent happiness couldn’t drive away— wondering if it was normal to want to cry even in the presence of someone who makes your heart flutter— wondering how it was possible to miss somebody right in front of me, right in arm’s reach— I started to say that the candy was too cute to eat.

Then, feeling like that was a weird thing to say, I decided to ask Sehun to take a picture so I could remember this moment later when my thoughts weren’t quite so bitter and only sweetness remained, but I never got the chance.

Dark storm clouds rolled in overhead and spilled cold rain on us without warning. By the time Sehun pulled me under some pastel pink and blue umbrella, much of the candy had dissolved into a shapeless pink blob.

“Sorry,” Sehun muttered as if he had caused the rain. He held his hand out, and I don’t think I would have given him the spoiled candy had I known that he would toss it into the trash bin without hesitation. He promised my devastated expression, “I’ll buy you another one once the rain lets up.”

Frowning, but not quite on the verge of tears, I mumbled, “I didn’t even get to take a picture.”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “What a weird thing to say. You were never meant to photograph it. You should be whining, ‘I didn’t get to take a single bite.’”

I said, “People mourn tragedies differently, Sehun,” and I know he wanted to laugh at my dramatic reaction, but he was kind enough to bite back his snickers. And although I had forbidden myself from saying so, when I glanced over at him, and my heart tremored, I blurted, “I miss you.”

Again, he remarked, “What a weird thing to say.” Often when we spoke, Sehun looked away from me, toward something in the distance, but he had been eyeing me strangely since I hugged him in the hotel lobby. I always regretted hugging him. “How can you miss me when I’m standing right beside you?”

Why couldn’t he ever just accept how I felt? Always, always, always, I was embarrassed after revealing my feelings to him, but no shame was ever enough to remind me to bite my tongue. Something about him always compelled me toward honesty.

My face flushed, and I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re just not the same person you used to be.” Sehun grunted as if I had knocked the breath out of him, but I knew that I wasn’t strong enough to do that, especially not with words. “Maybe I loved—”

I hadn’t meant to say that. I meant to say ‘liked,’ but ‘loved’ came out of my mouth instead. I carried on as if I had made no mistake (and maybe I hadn’t), “— who you were as a trainee, and now—”

Why had I said anything at all? I made no sense. My gaze fell somewhere around my feet, somewhere in a shallow puddle. “Well, we never really were equals, huh?”

“I’m not different,” Sehun claimed instantly as if he somehow understood my gibberish.

I argued, “I’m not saying that you tried to change. You just have because that’s what people do.”

“Not me.” I watched Sehun shake his head, but I didn’t look too closely at his face. “And not you either. I’m still me, and you’re still you, so I don’t know why you’re so upset.”

“You really don’t think I’ve changed at all since we met?” I don’t know what I expected. I had always suspected that Sehun would only see me as the nine-year-old he met by the vending machine, but I was somehow disappointed.

Fidgeting under my skeptical stare, Sehun conceded, “Well, obviously some things are different. You’re older and taller. You sound a little different. You don’t look at things with little stars in your eyes anymore, and you don’t walk with your head down like you did last year, but—” He rolled his eyes when I raised my eyebrows to say ‘I told you so,’ — “what matters hasn’t changed.”

Because I didn’t know, I asked, “What matters?”

Sehun shook his head, finally looking away from me as he stuffed his fists into his pockets. “If you don’t know, there’s no point in telling you.” His voice, usually so calm and collected, burned me. I gasped at his temper, and he swallowed his frustration to say, “Words can’t convince anybody that you care about them.”

My jaw dropped. “You care about me?” The answer must have been obvious from the way Sehun cut his eyes at me.

When my cheeks turned red and I looked away, he quietly said, “I don’t like saying these things, Lei, so you’re going to have to put two and two together to realize that I’m always going to look out for you.” I didn’t think it was possible, but his voice dropped even lower when he breathed, “You’re going to have to realize for yourself that it hurts my feelings when you accuse me of changing.”

I almost choked on the humid air. “Your feelings?”

He frowned at my reaction, a thin line forming between his eyebrows as he drew them together. “Yes. I have them too, you know, even if I don’t spill them everywhere.”

Apparently, I had accidentally touched some nerve, but I didn’t think that justified Sehun’s harsh words. “I don’t spill my feelings everywhere.” 

I glared at him, thinking that I would have apologized for hurting his feelings if he hadn’t set out to hurt mine too. “I only spill them to you because—” He gave me that warning stare, but I wasn’t going to say anything bad, so I frowned at him for always expecting the worst from me— “I trust you.”

Sehun seemed surprised that I could admit something so nice in the midst of what had become an argument. His eyes widened, and his expression softened as he reminded, “You shouldn’t trust boys.”

Almost teasingly, I lied, “I don’t really see you as a boy, though.” Sehun snorted, so I maintained, donning my most solemn expression, “Really, I don’t! I see you as more of a guardian angel.” Even when he was mean for the briefest second, I only thought good things about him.

“A guardian angel?” Sehun repeated, chewing on his grin. “I should warn you that the more you expect from somebody, the likelier they are to disappoint you— even if they really don’t want to.”

“You can’t disappoint me,” I said, “because I don’t expect anything from you.” Even while living in the moment, I knew that Sehun didn’t believe me, but I promised anyway, “I won’t get mad at you even if you get tired of looking out for me. I get that most people don’t mean words like ‘always’ and ‘forever’ and ‘never.’”

“I wish you didn’t know that,” Sehun said so quickly that I almost thought I imagined is voice. “I mean those words when I say them, though.”

That was the first time that I didn’t believe him wholeheartedly even though I wanted to. I didn’t think that Sehun was purposely lying or anything; I just think that some words are too big— too infinite— for people to understand well enough to use truthfully. It’s an accidental dishonesty. It’s enough that somebody wants it to be true. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

“Okay.” I nodded as if that would bridge my unbelief and the growing ever-present distance between us that he couldn’t feel yet, that he would probably (hopefully) never feel.

With nothing left to say, we stood together under the umbrella, waiting for the storm to pass so we could step back out into the day, but it rained for as long as I can remember. It rained even on the way home.

Yes, I’m still sad that I didn’t get a picture of that moment when I held the cotton candy in those seconds before the storm, but I think it’s sadder that I don’t have a single picture of Sehun from those days. I guess I should take comfort in the fact that the details still haven’t been forgotten; maybe that means they never will be.

[helenarlett-rex]

My Yiffpunk reference timeline

This is a small historical timeline I’ve been using for reference as I write the Yiffpunk series. It may not be 100% complete and could get added to as things go on, but for the moment this is what I have been using. Some of this info hasn’t even been mentioned in the books or short stories yet, or may have only been briefly mentioned in passing. But for anyone interested in behind the scenes history stuff, here it is. (If I make alterations or add things to my history timeline in the future I’ll make updates to this list here.)

2013: Genetic engineering becomes commercially available to the general public.

2014: A global virus threatens to wipe out the human race. A company named Genetic-Co develops a cure in the form of altering human DNA to make humans immune to the virus. Genetic-Co becomes the top name in Commercialized Genesplicing. They offered a wide range of options for genetic modification to the public but the option that quickly became the most popular was human animal hybrids. Turning yourself into an animal person had a wide range of practical applications and pop culture and fashion quickly caught on. This was particularly appealing to the members of a fan based subculture known as Furries. (Author’s notes: I know you’re thinking coronavirus. In this timeline it happened a lot sooner than it did in our own. This caused certain other events to unfold differently.)

2016: The new President of the United States is elected. (Author’s notes: For legal reasons, I’ve never used The President’s name in my books, and probably never will. But in my mind I know exactly who it is, and I’m sure everyone else does too.)

2017: Ixis begins posting vlogs to the internet and starts The Cult of Ultra-Science. Few take her seriously. Sky Copland becomes an on-the-rise celebrity in the world of winter sports.

2018: Mesozoic Resort opens on a small island off the coast of Costa Rica. The island is the only location on the planet where the use of DNA from long extinct animals is legally permitted in genesplicing, but those who have combined their DNA with said animals are not permitted to leave the island.

2019: The President abolishes the presidential term limit of only being able to serve two terms in office.

2020: By this point it was estimated that all Furries on the planet had already become animal hybrids. The President is reelected to his second term in office.

2022: A social political movement known as the Human Purists renounce genesplicing, calling it a perversion of the natural order and going against God’s design. Many view them as a group of radicals and domestic terrorists. The President shows support for this movement.

2025: The President officially leaves the Republican Party and forms the Human Purists into an official political party known as the Puritans. Running under the Puritan ticket, The President is reelected to a third term in office. The Purists gain majority control of the US Government. Ixis, founder of the Cult of Ultra-Science, is assassinated and her body stolen. Her robotic partner is left in control of the cult.

2027: Radical Purist splinter groups launch multiple, simultaneous bombing attacks against a number of major cities in the United States containing a high recorded concentration of animal hybrid populations. The attack was countered at the same time by the Cult of Ultra-Science, who had been tipped off to the attacks ahead of time and detonated stasis bombs in all of the cities that had been targeted. All of the targeted cities were now stuck just outside of time and no one knew when the effects would wear off, leaving the cities inaccessible. Massive domes were built around the cities to prevent anyone from entering. This event turned public opinion against the animal hybrids and the world became divided between human and animal, which allowed the Puritans to grow to even greater political power.

2032: The process of rounding up all the animal hybrids and segregating them away from the rest of the public begins. Fifty cities around the country were converted into what became known as the segregation cities and all of the animal hybrids were forced to live in them.

2034: After using her celebrity status to becoming a political activist for the rights of animal hybrids, Sky Copland is one of the last people exiled to the segregation city of Rabbitropolis.

2035: The Puritan government of the United States proposes a global plan for the rest of the world to follow its example. Some countries fall in line and begin construction on segregation cities of their own, some oppose it. Germany becomes the new leader of the “Free World” while the United States becomes the leader of authoritarian fascism.

2037: World War 3 is started.

2130: Human civilization drives itself to collapse. All forms of world government fall and the human race quickly devolved back into a barbaric, tribal society. The only places on the planet that still flourished were the segregation cities, now being used as fortresses to keep the humans out. The Police Force is the only human institution still in operation, now little more than a band of roaming marauders.

2217: The human race is classified as an endangered species. The people inside the segregation cities begin to leave and retake the rest of the planet. Most technology has been lost. The segregation city of Rabbitropolis chooses to keep it’s borders closed and self-segregate from the rest of the world.

2265: Ixis returns and reestablishes the Cult of Ultra-Science, bringing back much of the lost technology from the old world and returning society from a wild west state to a modern world and reestablishing a functioning government.

2266: Rabbitropolis becomes “The City State of Rabbitropolis” and is declared a micronation with its own independent government separate from the government of the New United States.

2290: The Sexual Freedom Act is signed, officially doing away with the old taboos.

2334: The City State of Rabbitropolis begins to open it’s borders for limited and highly regulated immigration of non-carnivorous outside species. Carnivorous species are only allowed inside the city under highly specific case by case basis.

2336: The Cult of Ultra-Science reintroduces a luxury item known as the Home Computer. Cellphone technology has still not been reintroduced.

2348: It is discovered that the effects of the stasis bombs had finally worn off. Salvaging lost tech and other goods from the domes becomes an actual profession known as dome raiding. By the end of the year the first survivor is found inside the domes, still sleeping in suspended animation. More survivors are quickly found and not being registered citizens, are quickly exploited. The slave trade is reborn within certain parts of the world, the American North West being the world’s leading source of the sales and exportation of slaves.

2350: The Cult of Ultra-Science reestablishes the internet for public use. The internet is highly regulated by the cult. Social media does not exist. The cult refuses to comment on any progress in reestablishing cellphone technology. A black market demand for communication devices begins to grow.

2355: Modern day.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #333

“imaginary chain  /  the one you never break  /  seething all alone”

Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah, I'm pretty open about what I'm afraid of. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What class in high school did you struggle with the most? I honestly don't remember with certainty, but it was probably math or economics. At least, I think econ was my senior year. What could you talk about for hours? Mark, meerkats, a few game franchises... maybe a couple more topics. Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I wouldn't know. Do you salt your popcorn? Yes. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah, but I don't have many games on there and rarely touch the ones I do. Do you like gaming? I do, but not as much as I did for most of my life. I mostly just play WoW now, and even that I'm not that into anymore. Part of it though comes from not buying any new games that I'm interested in because 1.) no money and 2.) no proper console, and you can only replay games so many times before you're just... yeah, done. Do you like reading books? Some days. Do you like religion? All things considered? No. Do you like Grand Theft Auto V? Y'know, growing up, I actually liked watching my younger neighbor play one of those games, but I don't remember which. Though he never actually "played" it... just ran around wreaking havoc, lol. I do however think GTAV was the one that Jason and Jacob started playing together when we moved into the apartment, and I thought the story was okay; I don't think they ever got far into it, though. Definitely wasn't Jason's sort of game, and I don't think it was too much up Jacob's alley, either. Can you twerk? I haven't tried and you will never see me try either, lmao. Do you have a Spotify account? Yes, but I almost never use it. If the last person you kissed tried to kiss you again, would you start kissing them back? Yes. If your best friend of the opposite sex tried to kiss you, would you start kissing them back? No. Have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated? Yes, because of how badly she hurt him. I don't have any negative feelings towards her now, though. We're actually friends, haha. The irony. Are you an easy lay? What weird wording. But whatever, quite the polar opposite actually. When’s the last time you said you were sorry? A few days ago. Are there any songs you listen to everyday? No. Would you like living on the coast? As someone who lives in a state hit by hurricanes usually every year and has seen the incredible damage they usually bring to the coast, no. I don't like the smell or gritty feel of salty air, either. When’s the last time you were really late to something? No idea. That's usually not a problem with me. Why did you stop liking the last person you liked? The last person I actually stopped like-liking would be Girt, and that would be because I just came to the realization I saw him too much as my brother instead of boyfriend. It just always felt awkward. Do you still talk to that person? Yeah, we're good. No hard feelings or anything between us. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? No. Do you trust easily? Fuck no. I'll be cautious, at least to some degree, about new people for a while. What is the last song to make you cry? Since I've actually behaved and not listened to any trigger songs, it's been a long while, but it was probably "Another Life" by Motionless In White. Last person you hung up on? I'm sure some automated message. I barely ever answer the phone to numbers I don't recognize, though. Where was your last car ride to and from? To Wal-Mart w/ Mom to pick up our order and then back home. Next big outing? *shrug* Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? Not really, no. Considering I'm by far my most authentic self online, I actually tend to appreciate virtual friends more, if I'm being honest. I try to keep up with those people. Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? Not really, no. I think I saw Warcraft the day it came into theaters, though. Do movies often make you cry? What kind of films/scenes make you tear up most? Yep. Tragic romance tends to do it the most, I think. Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? I have one to track my menstrual cycle as well as another that tracks my daily caloric intake, but I'm bad at using it because it's tedious if I actually have to measure something. Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? Ummm if you mean like, in general, probably my mom's. But this most certainly depends on the subject I'm taking feedback on. What is something society "expects" you to do that you don't want to do and/or don't plan on doing? Shaving my legs came to mind first. Granted, I will if there is almost any chance of someone seeing them, but otherwise, I just don't care. We respect women with body hair on this account and see them as no less feminine. Are you interested in architecture? Is there any particular style that you're drawn to? I think it's cool, yeah. I should have an answer for this, given architecture was a massive focus in Art History the last time I was in school... Roman architecture comes to my head first, if that says anything. What was one of your favorite things from the nineties? BOY OH BOY, SO MUCH!! I'm probably gonna say the toys. There was some dope shit, man. Do you collect things pertaining to an animal? ANYTHING and EVERYTHING featuring a meerkat!!!!! :''') Do you wish that people were kinder to spiders? Well, yes. I hope everyone in their heart wishes this, even if they're afraid of them. They're very important to our ecosystem, and none are out there to harm us; their existence does us a favor. Where do you normally order pizza from? Domino's (my favorite) or LIttle Caesar's for the price. Did your parents keep anything of yours from when you were a baby? Oh yes, loads of stuff that's stored away somewhere. Do you own one of those "____ For Dummies" books? No, but I feel like we had one at some point? What was the last VHS tape that you watched? Yikes, who knows. Did you watch Boy Meets World back in the day? I actually didn't, no. Our old neighbor though loved it so much that she named her daughter Tapanga (deliberately spelled that way). Who is your favorite Scooby Doo character? I never really had one. Maybe Thelma. If I were to give you a coloring book, what would you want its theme to be? Animals. Have you ever won a stuffed animal at a carnival? Possibly a small one. I can tell you I did however accidentally stab the guy who ran the dart-throwing booth though, lmfao. He was obviously fine, and it wasn't a bad wound. I felt SOOOOOO bad. Are you a fan of narwhals? I'm a fan of any animal. Narwhals are definitely fascinating creatures. Grape or orange soda? Orange. Grape-flavored soda ain't my thing. Have you ever wanted to vlog? Noooo. My life is so painstakingly boring and repetitive. Did you have a favorite Disney movie as a child? It was and still is The Lion King. Do you or have you ever owned a portable gaming console? Yeah, a GameBoy Advance and Nintendo DS. Is shyness cute? It definitely can be. Have you ever had alcohol poisoning before? No. Do you like to gossip, or do you prefer to keep your mouth shut? I'm not a gossip fan. Have you ever vandalized someone else’s property before? Most definitely not. Are your parents divorced? Yes. Have you ever been under suicide watch for 72 hours in a psychiatric ward? Yes; at least here, that's protocol when you're admitted for suicidal thoughts/tendencies. Have you ever gone through your significant other’s phone or social media accounts, or do you respect their privacy? Absolutely not. That shit pisses me off so badly. Do you wear any sort of clothing for religious reasons? No. What's something you worked extremely hard to get? My sanity back. Sounds so dramatic, but I'm literally not kidding. Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? Not that I remember. How many kids do you want to have? I don't want kids, but to entertain the question, when I did, I wanted three. It's fuckin wild to imagine for even a second that I once wanted that. Do you believe that being gay is a sin? *eye roll* Are you any good at photography? If so, what’s your specialty? I mean it with modesty, but I think I'm pretty good. My favorite thing to photograph are animals, but I generally take most pictures of people by request or pay. Judging by my deviantART account, my nature pics definitely get the most attention. Have you ever been a member of a gang before? Fuckin yikes, no. An infamous gang tried breaking into my childhood home once, so you can probably gather that I would never take part in their "big bad guys" bullshit. Have you ever felt like you were neither male nor female? No, I'm comfortable as a cisgender female. Do you like oatmeal raisin cookies? NO. Anything with raisins = NO. Do you think you’re attractive? No. Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? No, not that I really passed notes to begin with. I'd be mortified, regardless of what it was about. Would you rather live in a tropical or arctic climate? Arctic. Do you have an older brother? Yes. He's technically my half-brother, but I don't see "half"s. Have either of your parents ever been to jail? No. Are your collarbones prominent? Bitch I wish so I could get the damn dermal piercings I've wanted for years. Have you ever in your life worn overalls? As a kid, yeah. So ugly. Do you love yourself? It's... weird. Therapy is making me realize that a part of me, maybe even the bigger one, doesn't, but at the exact same time, I know I have worth just like every other human. I just don't treat myself like I do. What TV shows do you keep up with? None, until Meerkat Manor returns this summer. :') When’s the last time it snowed where you live? A couple months ago we got a little bit of it. Is your belly button pierced? No, but it would be if I was actually skinny. Just in my personal opinion, I don't at all think that that piercing would look nice on someone as overweight as me. Even if my damn dreams come true and I lose all the weight I want, my stomach will never look "normal," even after I get the excess skin removal surgery that will be very high on my priority list for my own self-image that's been nothing but loathsome since 2016. What is your favourite dinosaur? Spinosaurus is the obvious answer. What do you remember the most about your childhood? Lots of imagination. Parents arguing. Playing with my little sister. What age did you get your first hair cut? I have no idea. Do you have a favourite toy from childhood still? No. I wish I hadn't gotten rid of it. Have you ever made bread? No. Would you ever consider shaving your head? Nah. Would you like to live in a realm where the zombie apocalypse is possible? Who says we don't now? Zombifying parasites already exist among insects and such, so like... it's not unimaginable to one day see one developed enough to infect humans. I sure as fuck hope not, but. What do you use to dry your clothes? (Tumble dryer, radiator, etc) We have a dryer. Do you ever play the built-in games on your computer? Which ones? Nah. What was the last spontaneous thing you did? I did this many, many months ago, but I guess watch an episode of The Witcher by my own volition. I don't really do spontaneous things with how routine I am, but I had a random urge to check it out one morning. How loud can you whistle? Not very loud at all. Does anything on your body hurt or itch right now? My knees really hurt. They're getting worse. When was the last time you built a sandcastle? There's noooo telling, it's been many years. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? No. Well, not a *real* one, anyway. Just the little ones for kids. If you had to appear on a game show, which one would you choose? Family Feud. What is your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. Do you have an alter ego? Describe them: No. Food: Are you adventurous or do you stick to what you know? I absolutely stick to what I know. I am SO picky. Is there anything (out of the obvious) that makes you feel really ill? I'm not immediately sure, but there's probably something. Do you bump into things often? Yes. I've always had this weird habit of like... drifting when I walk, so I do this easily. I just kinda wander to the sides a bit without realizing it. What design is on your calendar this year? I don't have a current one. Did you enjoy playing Hop Scotch when you were younger? I did. Do you feel uncomfortable going to the movies by yourself? Nah, not really. I did that with Warcraft and it was actually pretty chill. When thinking about your dream home, what do you think would be your favorite thing to shop for? The ~g o t h i c~ decor. Do you ever listen to those lo-fi hip hop/study music playlists on YouTube/Spotify? No. Are you likelier to work harder if you’re being paid? If not, what drives you to give your best effort? I mean, yeah. I'd assume that's pretty normal. Does the fashion sense of a potential partner matter to you? No. Is there anything that you prefer to write down rather than type? I'm unsure. If you download/torrent things, do you remember the first thing you ever torrented? Oh, the Limewire days of music pirating... but no, I don't remember. What was the last thing you posted on Instagram? Something photography-related, but I don't feel like checking. What do you wish your hair looked like? I wish I could pull off pastel pink hair rn. It also desperately needs a trim. Do you still feel anything for the first person you fell in love with? I'm sure I always will, at least a little. Do you get any magazines in the mail? No. Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? Uhhhhh have I? I don't think so. Who’d you last see in a tux? Probably the groom of the last wedding I shot. Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? No, but I used to do that big time because I loved "rewatching" stuff when I was on the computer. Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? My mother, big time. Who’s the bravest person you know? Also my mother. Or Sara. What profession do you admire the most? Teachers might just win. The patience that must take, among so many other things. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? No.

[morrisondauthor]

“Behind the Platform”

           I remember a time when I enjoyed doing a photoshoot with Jamal. We’d smile and have fun while the photographer snapped shots of us and the mood would be so genuine. After the photoshoot, we’d go back home and have sex like two wild animals. Hell, there were times where we couldn’t even make it home and we’d have to get it on in the back of his Chevrolet Tahoe. I truly missed those moments. Now, five years into our relationship, I constantly found myself wondering if being with him was still worth it.

           “Turn your head toward me,” the photographer directed as he got in position to take another shot.

           I turned my head towards him while facing the wall and he snapped a few shots of me. When I looked up and saw the way Jamal was watching me from across the room, a shiver ran up my spine. I could tell he was still angry because of the argument we had the night before. He hadn’t said a word to me that morning but every time he stared at me; I could feel his anger. When the time came for him to join me, he finally spoke to me.

           “I wanna do a separate shoot, Corey,” he told me as he took his shirt off. “I’m not really in the mood to do that lame ass couple shit.”

           “Lame ass couple shit?” I asked. “You really are on some other shit today. We’re supposed to send in solo pics and pics of us together. They’re not gonna pick us for the ad if we don’t.”

           “So?”

           “Jamal…”

           “Can you go the fuck on already? You’re done.”

           “This little pissy attitude of yours is really getting old. I can’t believe you’re this mad because I used the last bit of laundry detergent last night. It is not that damn serious. All you had to do was take your ass down to the store and buy some more.”

                                           Me (Corey McMillan)

           “It ain’t even about that.”

           “Oh, what the fuck ever, Jamal. I’ve had it with you picking petty shit to argue with me over. And I’m tired of defending your stank ass attitude whenever my friends are visiting.”

           “Fuck your bitch ass friends. All they do is talk shit and eat my food and junk up my apartment.”

           “Your apartment?!”

           “Yes! I pay most of the bills up in that mothafucka! You’ve had it with me, huh? I’ve been had it with your sorry ass! Now get the fuck out my way!” He pushed me out of the way so that he could begin his session with the photographer.

                                               Jamal Grant

           Everyone working around the room was staring at me and I was so embarrassed. It was the first time we’d had an argument in front of strangers. The fact that he could talk to me like that in public had me on the verge of crying. It’s one thing to talk to me like that when we were at home, but it’s another to do it while we were at a photoshoot to promote our brand. It was like professionalism meant nothing to him anymore. I was beginning to believe nothing, including me, meant anything to him anymore.

           My relationship with Jamal began during our senior year of high school. We’d known each other since ninth grade but it wasn’t until our last year at Braxton-Jacobs High that we noticed each other. Things moved very fast between us and after we graduated, he came out to his parents. They didn’t accept him and threw him out of their home. My parents wouldn’t let him come live with us so I turned down the chance to go to a local university and left with Jamal. He had a cousin living in Los Angeles so we traveled all the way to the other side of the country. While living with his cousin, we began vlogging on YouTube and that was the beginning of it all.

           Our YouTube channel, JCGrantENT, grew into a pretty big business venture for us. We got all kinds of endorsements and had millions of subscribers as well as large followings on several social media accounts. The thing I loved about it the most was that we had a platform to promote being black and gay in America. We had a voice and influence in things that mattered and no price could be put on something that valuable. It was so sad that after building such a platform, we’d reduced ourselves to pretending to still be happy. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time we actually were happy.

           “Don’t forget the damn detergent,” he snapped at me as I was getting out of his Tahoe at the grocery store. He handed me the debit card in a rude manner without even looking at me.

           I snatched the card from him and asked, “Do you want anything else?”

           “We’re low on Red Bull and get me some Hot & Spicy Cheez-Its.”

           I slammed the door and headed into the store. After putting the laundry detergent, Red Bull and a box of Hot & Spicy Cheez-Its in the shopping cart, I headed over to the restrooms because I had to pee. I left the shopping cart by the water fountain and hurried into the men’s room. When I got in there and saw my fitness trainer Kevonte taking a selfie, I called out, “Hey, Kevonte.”

           He looked at me and smiled as he said, “Wassup, Corey.”

                                                   Kevonte

           “Wow, this is my first time seeing you outside of the gym.”

           “Yeah, I know. How are you?”

           “I’m good. You?”

           “Same. I’m supposed to be picking up a few things but thought I’d come in here and take a pic for the Gram since I’m in a mood.”

           I laughed and said, “I feel you.”

           “See you around.”

           “Alright, later.” After I watched him leave, I went over to a urinal and relieved myself. I then washed my hands and when I headed out of the bathroom, I was surprised to see Kevonte standing by my cart. “I thought you were going to pick up the items you needed?”

           “I am but I was hoping we could talk while I did that. I see you already got your stuff.”

           “I still gotta get some bananas.” I began pushing the cart and he walked alongside me. “What do you want to talk about?”

           “Well, you haven’t been at the gym in a couple of weeks. Everything alright with you?”

           “Yeah, everything is fine.”

           “Are you and your dude still having problems?”

           “Um…not really.”

           “That’s good. I don’t see how anybody could be mad at you for a long time anyway.”

           I blushed and rolled my eyes as we made it to the produce section. I grabbed two bunches of bananas and put them in the shopping cart before asking him, “Will you be working with anyone else tomorrow?”

           “Nope, I’m free tomorrow. You wanna get in a good workout?”

           “I sure do.”

           “Cool, I’ll think of some good routines to put together for you. I hope you’re ready to put in some work. You know how intense I like to get with it.”

           “Oh, I know.”

           “You know what?” Jamal asked, popping up out of nowhere.

           “Baby, what are you doing in here?” I asked. “I got everything and I’m about to go to the register.”

           He put his finger in Kevonte’s face and asked, “Who the fuck is this nigga?”

           “Whoa, get your finger out my face, bruh,” Kevonte said as he pushed Jamal’s hand away.

           “I know you didn’t just put your hands on me!”

           “Jamal, stop!”

           “You might be taller than me but I will fuck you up, my nigga.”

           “Jamal!”

           Kevonte took off his backpack and told me, “You better get your lil’ man, Corey. Because I ain’t the one.”

           “I ain’t the one either, nigga! What the fuck is good?”

           I put the shopping cart in between them and pushed Jamal back while telling him, “You are making yourself look so fucking stupid! Kevonte is my gym trainer!”

           “I heard what y’all were just talking about. He said something about doing routines and getting intense. Corey, if you’re fuckin’ this nigga I swear…”

           “My dude, I got a girlfriend,” Kevonte snapped. “I am straight. You really need to chill.” He gave me a look and asked, “Are you gonna be okay?”

           “Man, you need to fuckin’ walk away,” Jamal said to him. “Asking my boyfriend if he’s gonna be okay. I’m really about to lay hands on your bitch ass!”

           “I’ll be fine,” I told Kevonte. “I’m really sorry about this.”

           He gave Jamal a look and Jamal stared back at him until he began to walk away. Once he was gone, Jamal looked at me and said, “Go pay for this shit and then bring your dumb ass outside. Had me out in the car waiting forever on your ass!”

           He continued to talk out loud as he walked away from me and everyone near me stared. For the second time that day, I felt so embarrassed. I paid for our items and as I walked back out to his truck, I prayed that he would just drop it and go back to not saying anything to me. I was so afraid of one of us saying something that we couldn’t take back. We were halfway home when he decided to break his silence.

           “Did he fuck you?” he asked while keeping his eyes on the road.

           “I’m not even answering that,” I replied. “Because you’re not going to believe anything I say anyway.”

           “Corey, just be honest with me. Has he ever fucked you or did you give him head or anything?”

           “Jamal, he is straight.”

           “But you’re attracted to him, right?”

           “No!”

           “You never mentioned that nigga to me.”

           “Because we never talk like that anymore. I try to tell you things and you just tune me out. Jamal, I’m really fed up today. Just leave me alone.”

           “You’re fed up? I’m tired of your bullshit, too. I’m tired of your friends always coming over and I’m tired of your bitching! Now, you got some nigga about to fight me up in the damn grocery store!”

           “Oh my God! You’re the one who came in trippin’ when I told you he’s just my gym trainer!”

           “A gym trainer you never told me about! Is he really even a gym trainer?” He stopped at a red light and waited for me to say something but when I didn’t, he shook his head and said, “You know what, fuck you.”

           The moment he said that to me, I realized that he wasn’t the same Jamal Grant that I fell in love with back in high school. That person simply did not exist anymore. The way he said it was so blasé as if he just didn’t care how I would take it. On the rest of the ride home, I didn’t say another word to him. I was so upset that I felt like crying but I kept it all inside. We made it home and I hopped out of his truck and hurried inside our apartment building. I went up to our apartment and into the kitchen and made myself a glass of ice water. When he came in with the grocery bags, something just snapped inside me.

           “You need to pack some of your stuff and leave for a day or two,” I told him.

           He looked at me and responded, “I pay half the rent in here. I’m not going anywhere.”

           “You’re the one with the problem so you should remove yourself from the situation, Jamal. I’m not going to sit here and allow you to talk to me that way. I am an adult just like you are and that means we discuss things in a civil manner. I understand you’re jealous…”

           “Jealous?” He smirked and said, “I ain’t jealous of any damn thing. That overgrown ass nigga ain’t shit for me to be jealous over.”

           “You pose for pictures and laugh it up with so many other guys yet you can’t stand for me to have a conversation with my gym trainer in a grocery store? You are so wrong. And then you have the audacity to talk to me like some random guy off the streets.”

           “Corey…”

           “Pack some of your shit right now and go stay with one of your friends. Do you need me to call one of them and ask if it’s okay?”

           “I’m not going anywhere, Corey. You might as well get over yourself.” He placed the grocery bags and detergent on the counter before telling me, “Put that stuff up. I gotta go take a piss.”

           He left the kitchen and ran upstairs and after I took the few groceries out of the bag and put them away, I went upstairs and into our bathroom. He was at the sink washing his hands so when he looked up into the mirror and saw me standing there, I told him, “I can pack some stuff for you.”

           “I already told you I’m not going anywhere. And you’re not either. You’re not getting me out of here so you can bring that punk bitch up in here and you’re not going to go stay with him.”

           “See, this is why I don’t tell your insecure ass anything.”

           “I’m insecure now?”

           “You’ve always been insecure. But I make excuses for your insecurities and I have to stop doing that.”

           He laughed a little and asked, “You really are on some shit today, aren’t you?”

           “I’m not the one acting like a child today. I’m serious, Jamal. I want you to leave.”

           “You say that now and then like thirty minutes later you’re gonna want to do a prank video for YouTube.”

           “I guess I’m going to have to prove how serious I am.”

           I left the bathroom and went into our bedroom. I pulled one of his luggage bags from his side of our closet and opened it on the floor. When I began snatching some of his clothes down and dropping them into the bag, he pushed me deeper into the closet and shouted, “Don’t touch my fucking clothes! See, there you go playing and shit!”

           “I’m not playing with you, Jamal! Get your shit and get the fuck out!”

           I stood there and waited for him to pull some of his own clothes down but when he didn’t, I bent down and grabbed a pair of his shoes. He knocked them out of my hand and when I tried to get him out of my way, he punched me. And it wasn’t a light punch or a little smack; he punched me in my mouth with his fist closed as hard as he could. Immediately, the look on his face changed and tears filled his eyes. I was in shock for about a second but the moment I tasted blood; I went crazy on him. I lost count of how many times I hit him back. I kneed him in the balls and when he went down, I ran out of that closet as fast as I could. He was right behind me though and almost caught me as I ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

           “Baby, I’m so sorry,” he said through sobs as he knocked on the door. “Corey, please open the door. I swear to God I didn’t mean to do that.”

           “Fuck you, Jamal!” I shouted. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw how busted my lip was. I began crying as I screamed, “You motherfucker!”

           “Oh my God, baby. I fucked up. I didn’t mean to do that shit. Come out here and hit me as hard as you want to and I promise I won’t do that shit again. Baby, please!”

           I reached into my pocket to grab my phone but realized it wasn’t there. I’d left it downstairs on the kitchen counter. As angry as I was with him, I was angrier with myself. I let it get to that point instead of calling one of my friends or his friends to help diffuse our argument or help one of us leave the apartment before it went too far. Still, he crossed a line when he punched me. I just never expected him to ever do something like that to me.

           “Corey, please just come out and let me know you’re alright. Don’t go silent on me, baby. I love you so much and you know I would never do some shit like that to you on purpose. I just…I got so mad. It’s all my fault and I promise you I will make it up to you somehow.”

           “You can’t.”

           “What? What did you say, baby?”

           “I said you can’t, Jamal. You can’t make this up to me and you…” I got choked up but continued, “I really need you to go for a walk or a drive right now.”

           “I’ll do anything. How long do you want me to go?”

           “Go away for two hours. I need like two hours.”

           “And you’ll be here when I get back?”

           I almost broke down as I lied, “Yeah. I’ll be here, baby.”

           “Okay. I’m gonna go downstairs and get some ice for my eye and then I’m gonna go for a drive. I love you, Corey. I love you.”

           He waited for me to say it back but after a little while, he gave up and I heard him go downstairs. I listened closely as he moved around in the kitchen and when I heard the front door open and close, I unlocked the door and left the bathroom. I went downstairs and made sure he was gone before I ran back upstairs and packed some clothes and essential items I’d need. I randomly chose a friend in my phone and called to ask if I could stay with her for a little while. She told me I could and I caught a Lyft to her place. That night, I sent a long text to Jamal telling him that we were over and that I’d be back to get my things soon. I then blocked him before he could respond to the text.

           “Those boxes are going to storage,” I told the movers as I pointed to the boxes. “Please be careful with them.”

           “Yes, sir,” said one of the movers.

           “You don’t have to put some of your stuff in storage, Corey,” my friend Nick said to me. “I have enough room for it.”

           “Nope. I am only staying with you and Darnell until I can save up enough money to get my own place. That shouldn’t take me long. I’ve already withdrawn my half of the money from me and Jamal’s joint account so it won’t take much added to it to have enough to get my own place.”

           “I still can’t believe it’s over between you two. I mean; damn, y’all were together before you even moved out here from back east.”

           “I’d been having doubts, Nick. We’d been arguing more and more and when he did what he did…I just didn’t have any option other than this.”

           “You’re stronger than me. If Darnell ever hit me, I’d still stay with him with my low self-esteem ass.”

           I laughed a little and said, “Darnell would never hit you though. He has too much respect for you to ever do that.”

           “Unlike me, huh?” Jamal asked as he entered the apartment.

           “You told me you weren’t going to be here, Jamal. I’m calling the police.”

           “Baby, wait. I’m not here to hurt you. I just needed to see you in person. It feels like it’s been forever.”

           “It’s only been two weeks.”

           “That is an eternity when it means being away from you. Please, I really need to say some things to you that I probably won’t get to say after you leave this apartment. Can we have a moment alone?”

           “Nope, whatever you have to say will have to be said in front of Nick and these movers walking around in here.”

           “Okay, I can do that.” He moved closer to me and looked into my eyes as he began, “Corey, I apologize for putting my hands on you. I honestly don’t know what got into me and I have already signed up for counseling. We can put JCGrantENT on pause while we work through this. I can sleep down here on the sofa. I won’t go to any parties or hang out with my boys and I’ll do anything you need me to do. You are my everything, Corey.”

           “Are you done?”

           Tears rushed to his eyes as he pleaded, “Baby, please take some time to think about this. You know you’re all I have. You were there when my family threw me out. I don’t have anybody else and you know that. Now, I take full responsibility for everything. I know I have work to do and I am going to do it and I know one day I’ll be the man you fell in love with again.” He waited for me to say something but I just looked at him. As if I’d just punched him in his chest, he began breathing heavily as his tears rolled down his face. He placed his hand on his chest and managed to say, “You’re looking at me like this is the last time we’re going to see each other.”

           “That’s because it probably is. I have spent the last two weeks trying to come up with a reason to stay with you and…it shouldn’t be that hard. I love you; I know that much. I miss the way things were between us. But baby, there is a disconnection between us and it happened when we were in your truck that day and you told me, ‘fuck you.’ For those words to even leave your mouth the way they did was enough for me to know you lost whatever amount of respect you had left for me. It was that lack of respect that told you it was okay to punch me in my mouth.”

           “But Corey…”

           “No.” I tried to fight back my tears but once again, the tears won. They streamed down my face as I stared into his eyes and told him, “I would rather be alone than give you another chance. You’re simply not worth it. And I’m not saying that to break you, I’m saying it because it’s the truth and I’ve always kept it real with you. I left my family to move out here and start this life with you. That was your chance, Jamal! That was the opportunity I gave you! It was the only one I was ever willing to give you.”

           “What about our platform? Huh? What about the young black gay men who look up to us? We work for foundations that raise money for all kinds of causes. This relationship is bigger than just us, Corey.”

           “We’ve been lying to all of our fans and everyone else for a while now. We pretend to be happy for social media and I can’t even remember the last time I actually laughed with you or did a damn prank video that was real and not staged! It’s time for some honesty.”

           “And what about our future? We were supposed to get married and you were gonna change your name to Corey McMillan-Grant and…”

           “It’s over, Jamal. It’s really over. I think it’s good that you’re going to talk to a counselor and I wish you well, but I love and respect myself too much to be someone’s mental and physical punching bag. It doesn’t matter that you believe you’ll never do it again. The only way to make sure it never happens again is for me to leave you and that’s what I’m doing.”

           I was still very angry with him but I felt his pain so I didn’t want to make it worse for him. I gave him a hug and I kissed his cheek and that was what broke him. I honestly did it to comfort him before I left but he took it another way and he cried harder than I’d ever seen him cry before. He went upstairs to the bedroom we used to share and I could still hear him crying as I made sure all of my belongings had been moved from the living room to the moving truck. I actually felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders as I rode away from the building in Nick’s car.

           That night, I posted videos on each account we used to let our followers know that JCGrantENT was over and that I was sorry for not being able to provide a positive example for those who looked to us for guidance, comfort and even a safe place to share their thoughts and stories. I thanked them for their support and I was very careful not to go into detail about what happened because I did not want to hurt any future business opportunities for Jamal. After saying everything I needed to say, I called it a night and climbed into bed in Nick and Darnell’s guest room.

           I was just about to drift off to sleep when my phone vibrated. I unlocked it to see it was because I’d gotten a notification from Instagram. One of my closest friends from home had posted a pic of me and Jamal from our senior prom night and had tagged me in it. I laughed a little to myself as I said quietly, “End of an era.”

[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.

© D.A. Morrison 2019

[barefootnoel]

Good Bye Facebook, Good Bye Instagram

May 18th, 2021 is the day I quit Facebook and Instagram. As I sat in front of my laptop with tears rolling down my face from the hurt and pain I was feeling over a recent break up, I knew it was what I had to do in order to not only move forward but get the toxicity out of my life, I am sure many of you can relate to this. As I sat in front of my laptop hurt and angry from my break up for many reasons. He cheated on me, lied to me and started up a new relationship right after we broke up, actually he was cheating on me with this woman, she was in the picture before we went our ways.

When you feel betrayed so many emotions run through you and I am a Capricorn so when we get betrayed we are out for blood. This man I can tell you I loved with everything I had. I took in his children like they were my own, nurtured them, provided for them, cared for them and loved them. He was a difficult man - didn't work full time, complained he was tired all the time. Come to find out he had Diabetes which I held his hand stood by his side and got him through that he now lives a much better life health wise. He also was a very poor communicator he hated talking about anything unless it had to do with gossip about people or celebrities, he was emotionally disconnected and when I look back I should have walked away long before I did.

When I found out he was cheating on me my soul came out of my body, my heart broke in a million pieces. Don't get me wrong I have been down this road with a previous relationship but this time it cut me like a knife - Reason, he knew what I had went through with cheating in my previous relationship, he swore he was different and would never hurt me, he was ready to settle down and make a life together. We broke up at the end of January and by the beginning of February he had his new girlfriend pregnant....the whole time begging to stay at our home and not make him leave.

I tried to build him up, push him to do better and work full time.....he resisted at every turn and considered it confrontation any time I would want to talk about us.

WEAK MEN CANT HANDLE STRONG WOMEN!!!

This brings me to now and why I made the decision to go off the grid and delete my Facebook and Instagram accounts for good. You see a scorned woman does crazy things.....well I shouldn't speak for all women but I do. After he left he was still messaging me everyday morning and night telling me he missed me, still loved me etc.....I became too much for me to bare and deep down inside I knew he was telling the other woman he same things everyday. Your gut never lies and I was right. Monday May 17th I texted him after he had texted me good morning and asked him if we were still going to meet that week. He said yes and he would let me know what day.....I left it at that. But as I sat in my office at my desk tears started to roll down my eyes because I was thinking of his and her social media and them plastering pictures of each other all over their pages and I knew I was now a secret. I went from the woman he was going marry one day to his dirty little secret and I could not handle it anymore.

I could not take it anymore, my heart could not take it anymore. I was holding onto an empty promise and a broken dream. I texted him and told him it is probably best I disappear out of his life. He put up a fuss and then we started arguing and I said to him. "How would your new girlfriend feel if she knew we were still talking and she knew the things we have done and still are doing?" He went quiet of course. No response is a response. So i decided I should message this woman so she knows exactly the kind of man she has committed herself to and pregnant with his child.....Well I am sure you know where this is going it backfired on me.

I messaged her with screenshots of our conversations etc...she at first believed me but then within 12 hours I am getting nasty messages from her. She said one thing that made me make this decision she said "he never put you on his social media" and that there was the rest of the knife going through my chest, I couldn't breath, I couldn't talk at that moment everything came rushing back to me. She was absolutely right he didn't but he was showing her off like a Grammy award. I always wondered why he would never put pictures of me on his social media and I would ask him and he said he was protecting me - when I look back he was ashamed of me. That hurt. Why would he keep a relationship with me if he was ashamed of me???? I have my own ideas but I know I will never get the answer.

I had been planning on deleting my social media for a very long time but this is what solidified me doing it. I came to realize that it is toxic and I had to get off of it ASAP. I was being sucked into a deep dark hole of instant gratification from likes and comments - if people like me on social media then I must be liked, pretty etc......I was losing my self worth and this recent break up did not help.

I couldn't handle the noise any longer and it was filling my brain with misconceptions of reality. I lost everything all my pictures all my memories but I gained something. I gained control of MY LIFE again.

So there I sat with tears rolling down my eyes deleting my Facebook and Instagram. I am now off the grid....you could say but Tumblr is social media. Yes it is however I have for a long time been wanting to start a blog still considering Vlogging too and this is where the healing process begins.

I will say eliminating Facebook and Instagram out of my life is like a crack addict trying to quit crack....I have to stay strong and keep this journey going because I know it is going to be the best gift I ever gave myself.

Please join me on the journey of cleansing and social media rehab....Its going to be a fun ride :)

[reesefms]

                          ✩ —  𝒉𝒊  𝒑𝒂𝒍𝒔  !  i’m  buzzing  with  excitement  because  we’re  finally  open  !  i’m  so  excited  to  see  everyone  bring  their  muses  to  life  ,  it’s  unreal  .  i’m  leia  (  she  /  her  )  repping  the  est  tz  ,  which  fits  my  #basic  personality  because  i  would  kill  for  starbs  iced  coffee  w/  oat  milk  .  i  honestly  apologize  in  advance  for  how  ramble - y  &  long  this  into  is  ,  it’s  a  little  embarrassing  !  i  would  love  to  plot  with  each  &  every  one  of  you  so  please  smash  that   💛  if  you’d  like  to  !  you  can  find  me  at  theweeknds#0379  on  discord  or  we  can  use  tumblr’s  ims  if  you  prefer  !  

                           *  𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐠𝐨𝐬  here  and  do  i  have  the  tea  for  you  .  reese  is  back  in  bridgehampton  for  the  summer  ,  living  off  the  leblanc’s  family  $302  mil  .  must  be  nice  to  come  back  home  to  the  hamptons  ,  i  wonder  what  her  fellow  class  of  2017  grads  think  of  her  return  .  you  know  ,  she  was  known  around  town  as  the  reveler  and  for  bhs  senior  superlatives  she  was  crowned  as  most  likely  to  be  late  to  her  own  wedding  .  i  wonder  if  that  still  holds  true  today  ,  a  lot  can  change  when  you  go  off  to  ucla  and  study  communications  .  either  way  ,  i  bet  she  is  still  very  audacious  ,  blithe  ,  negligent  and  depraved  .  hopefully  this  time  next  year  the plans  to  stay  in  la  and  focus  entirely  on  her  youtube  channel  come  true  .  in  the  meantime  ,  i  look  forward  to  seeing  her  blast  teen  idle  -  marina  and  the  diamonds  at  every  hamptons  function  .  it’s  going  to  be  a  wild  summer  home  ,  welcome  back  .

*  tw  :  drinking  ,  drug  use  ,  death  ,  overdose  ,  suicidal  ideations  if  you  squint

╰  ✩   𝚝𝚑𝚎  𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚢  𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚜   :  

the  leblancs –  an american  made  ,  household  name  .  hollywood  embedded  so deeply in  the  bloodline  ,  it  made  the  rest  world  question  whether  or  not  a  gene  for  acting  existed  .  the  leblanc  women  always  seeming  to  marry  into  the  business  –  actors  &  actresses  going  hand  in  hand  ,  marriages  supposed  to  last  the  test  of  time  .  however  ,  for  every  card  of  luck  fate  deals  a  cursed  one  –  messy  divorces  ending  in  vicious  headlines  ,  the  media  practically  salivating  for  the  next  leblanc failure  .  every  ending  prompted  with  a  –  &  when’s  the  next  wedding ?  (  side  note  :  i  was  inspired  by  goldie  hawn  /  kate  hudson  !  )  

dawn  leblanc’s  determination  to  break  the  cycle  had  been  admirable  ,  the  young  actress  entering  a  tumultuous  relationship  with  a  young  musician  ,  bandleader  kurt  rhodes  .  for  four  magical  years  the  pair  defied  the  world’s  expectations  ,  perhaps  the  leblanc’s  would  finally  achieve perfection –  climbing  back  onto  the  pedestal  after  being  knocked  down  time  & time  again  .

the fifth  year brought  reese  elizabeth  leblanc into  the  world  ,  another  girl  slated  to  continue  on  the  leblanc  family  legacy  .  the  night  had  been  stormy  ,  thunder  no  match  for  her  cries  –  as  if  the  universe  had  known  the  blonde  was  destined  to  be  a force  of  nature  .  her  parents &  the  rest  of  the  world  fell  in  love  with  her  ,  angelic  golden  curls  & wide  ,  doe  eyes (  thanks  to  the  leblanc  genes  )  masking  the  terror  she  became  –  born  with  an  insatiable  curiosity  that  drove  her  to  explore  any  & everything  .

dawn  clung  to  the  hope  that  reese  would  mature  into  perfection  ,  hiring  yet  another  painter  to  cover  up  scribbles  in  a  bold  ,  crimson  shade  of  chanel  lipstick  .  forks  moved  to  the  top  shelf  in  an  effort  to  stop  her  from  emulating ariel ,  her  favorite  disney  princess  –  the  gold  metal  bound  to  ruin  her  curls  .  reese  favoring  time  with  her  father  ,  enamored  by  the  vibrations  raking  through  her  tiny  body  as  chubby  ,  little  fingers  pressed  against  black  &  white  keys  .

the seventh  year  ,  the  leblanc  curse  took  its  effect  ,  gifting  reese  a  divorce  for  her  second  birthday  .  this  one  messier  than  those  before  ,  kurt’s  affair  with  a groupie ,  no  less  ,  plastered  on  every  news  stand  .  her  grandmother  quick  to  swoop  in  ,  reese &  her  mother  moving  in  to  hide  away  from  the  flashing  lights  .  the  eldest  leblanc  reminding  her  daughter  that  she  should  have  listened  all  those  years  ago  –  musicians  weren’t leblanc  material  .  the  blame  never  falling  on  the  leblanc  women  –  self  -  absorbed to  a  fault  .

within  a  year  of  her  divorce  ,  dawn  re-married  ,  her  co-star  &  american’s golden  boy  brent  jacobs  –    the  supposed  new  love  of  her  life  .  as  always  ,  the  media  latched  onto  the  news  –  eagerly  sinking  their  teeth  into  the  idea  of  a  publicity  stunt  to  rub  the  tarnish  off  dawn’s  reputation  . &  when  reese  turned  three  ,  her  family  grew  to  four  – savannah  dawn  leblanc  entering  the  world  much  more peacefully than  her  older  sister  ,  wrapping  every  person  around  her  finger  with  just  a  bat  of  her  baby  blues (  eye  color  seemingly  the  only difference  between  the  leblanc  sisters ) .

╰  ✩   𝚝𝚑𝚎  𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗  𝚒𝚍𝚕𝚎   :  

as  much  as  she  should ��,  reese  could  never  hate  her  younger  sister  .  the  pair  forging  a  bond  that  could  be  explained  by  no  one  despite  their  obvious  differences  .  with  only  a  shared  mother  ,  it  shocked  everyone  to  see  just  how  similar  they  looked  .  dawn  taking  to  the  idea  of  pretending  as  if  reese  were  the  daughter  of  her  second  husband  .  her  mother  had  always  been  too  good  at  acting  ,  a  master  at  eluding  reality  & morphing  it  into  an  acceptable  idyl  .

savannah  was  the  golden  child in  everyone’s  eyes  ,  reese  cast  aside  as  the other  leblanc ,  the  problem  child  .  the  blonde  often  found  sulking  in  her  room  only  to  sneak  out  the  window  the  second  she  got  an  urge  to  explore  .  the  supposed  ,  inherited  acting  bug  had  never  bitten  her  ,  reese  waving  away  any  offer  to  star  in  a  film  or  commercial  .  any  attempt  to  drag  her  to  an  audition  resulted  in  her  either  running  away  ,  or  creating  such  a  scene  that  no  one in  hollywood  would ever want  to  work  with  her  .  a  downpour on  any  project  .

savannah  took  to  acting  just  like  her  mother  .  the  pair  bonding  in  a  way  reese  could  never  ,  frequently  flying  from  their  home  in  the  hamptons  to  auditions  in  la  .  reese  tagging  along  only  so  she  could  see  her  father  ,  the  only  one  who  ever  seemed  to  get  her  –  dawn  claiming  reese  may  have  been  gifted the  leblanc  looks  ,  but  her  moodiness  all  stemmed  from  her  father  .

it  drove  her insane  ,  staring  at  her  reflection  in  the  mirror  every  night  as  if  to  ask  what  was  wrong  with  her  .  why  was  she  so  different ?  why  couldn’t  she  be  agreeable  like  savannah  ?  it  fed  her  jaded  soul  ,  reese  losing  her  innocence &  rose  colored  glasses  far  too  quickly  .  her  realism  tethering  her  to  reality  ,  able  to  see  through  the  pink  ,  glittery  fog  of  dawn  leblanc’s  world  .

she  fought  with  her  mother  constantly  ,  savannah  always  sneaking  into  her  room  at  night  to  ask  quietly  ,  why  won’t  you  &  mom  get  along  ?  she’s  doin’  her  best  re  .  reese  never  had  the  answer  ,  always  a  heavy  sigh  as  she  brushed  her  sisters  questions  off  .  unable  to  explain  that  ,  while  savannah  was  content  with  being  her  mother’s  doll ,  she  couldn’t  bring  herself  to  –  not  when  she’d  seen  the  world  beyond  the  facade  her  mother  &  grandmother  painted  .  

&  like  clockwork  ,  dawn  drove  her  second  husband  away  –  reese  16  & savannah  13  .  the  promise  to  co-parent  kept  ,  their  split  amicable  despite  the  constant  fights  that  had  ended  in  broken  dishes  &  reese  quietly  sneaking  out  –  losing  herself  in  a  party  ,  in  noise  to  forget  that  silence  could  be  just  as  loud  ,  but  more  deafening  .  

╰  ✩   𝚝𝚑𝚎  𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍  𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚑   :  

reese  couldn’t  escape  the  hamptons  or  her  mother  fast  enough  ,  ucla  her  ticket  away  .  the  only  dark  cloud  ,  leaving  behind  her  sister  .  the  two  promised  to  text  every  day  ,  savannah  always  welcome  to  stay  with  reese  if  their  mother  ever  got  to  be  too  much  –  savannah  much  more  adept  at  handling  her mood  swings  ,  appeasing  her  mother  with  a  sugar  sweet  smile  & a  promise  to  major  in  acting  after  graduation  .  

reese  ,  however  ,  had  no  idea  what  direction  she  wanted  to  go  –  communications  her  fall  back  in  an  effort  to  just  choose  something  that  didn’t  require  much  effort  .  ucla  her  dream  school  for  its  social  climate  more  than  its  educational  one  . &  her  freshman  year  marked  the  start  of  her  youtube  channel  –  reeses  ,  which  currently  has  a  whopping  3.4  million  subscribers  .  true  to  her  surname  ,  the  blonde  did  find  love  in  front  of  the  camera  ,  but  also  behind  it  as  she  vlogged  her  escapades  much  to  the  world’s  enjoyment &  her  mother’s  disappointment  .

savannah  &  reese  texted  every  night  ,  updating  each  other  &  signing  each  text  off  with  a  forever  &  always  .  occasionally  ,  reese  would  forget  –  too  drunk  or  high  to  craft  a  text  ,  always  apologizing  the  next  morning  when  she  woke  up  to  savannah’s  worried  texts  .  despite  being  the  one  that  should  look  out  for  her  sister  ,  savannah  always  seemed  to  be  looking  out  for  her  .  

one  visit  sophomore  year  ,  savannah  begged  reese  to  take  her  out  .  her  sister  living  a  more sheltered  life  ,  one  bound  by  strict  bedtimes  &  after  school  acting  classes  or  rehearsals  .  unable  to  say  no  ,  despite  knowing  she  should  ,  reese  brought  savannah  along  –  letting  her  sister  borrow  her  clothes  ,  the  two  starting  early  with  a  bottle  of  grey  goose  as  they  got  ready  .  

reese  always  had  a  tendency  to  loose  herself  in  a  party  ,  letting  the  night  drag  her  wherever  it  wanted  .  losing  sight  of  savannah  had  been  her  first  mistake  .  telling  savannah  to  have  a  good  time  ,  try  something  new  had  been  her  second  mistake  .  not  being  there  had  been  her  third  &  final  mistake  ,  savannah’s  introduction  to  a  line  of  cocaine  her  finale  .  the  screams  of  someone  call  911 still  keep  reese  up  at  night  –  remembering  vividly  what  it  felt  like  to  see  her  sister’s  body  limp  on  someone’s  bed  .  the  od  unexpected ,  the  line  bad  –  mixed  with  something  too  strong for  someone  so  pure to  handle  .  &  reese  was  left  to  blame herself  .  she  killed  her  sister  .  

the  world  mourned  the  loss  of  savannah  leblanc  .  reese’s  relationship  with  her  mother  more  estranged  ,  casting  the  blame  on  her  just  as  she  had  already  .  she  took  a  6  month  hiatus  from  vlogging  ,  reese  unable  to  do  anything  but  drink  herself  into  a  coma  like  sleep  .  it  was  far  easier  to  numb  herself  ,  bags  under  her  eyes  hidden  by  sunglasses  .  

her  re-entry  online  had  shocked  everyone  .  her  vlog’s  no  longer  carrying  the  light  air  despite  how  badly  she  tried  to  force  it  .  reese  no  longer  the  same  ,  more  self  deprecating  than  before  & much  more reckless  .  her  love  of  vlogging  no  longer  stemmed  from  pure  enjoyment  ,  but  a need to  be  seen  ,  to  no  longer  feel  alone  .  convinced  that  she  was  a  hurricane  ,  destroying  everyone  she  could  ever  get  close  to  .  yet  unable  to  bring  herself  to  care  for  her  safety  because  it should’ve been  her  that  night  ,  not  savannah  .

reese  has  a  blatant  disregard  for  herself  ,  willing  to  push  the  boundaries  so  far  for  the  sake  of  a  thrill  ,  to  feel  something  beyond  the  suffocating  culpability  that  feels  like  a  choke  hold  around  her  neck  . & if  she  ends  up  not  coming  back  from  it  ,  who  cares  right  ?  

she  still  pays  her  sister’s  phone  bill  ,  never  missing  a  beat  –  texting  her  updates  ,  rambles  ,  apologies  .  the  texts  signed  with  their  infamous forever  &  always  .   

so  !  i’m  currently  working  on  a  lil  connection  page  with  ideas  ,  but  for  now  please  accept  this  mess  💛

[feelthepainofdodick]

Love For Hire - Ch. 3 - (D.D. x Reader)

Summary: David hires you to be his fake girlfriend for a month to get the diza stans off his back. This experience is the craziest thing that has ever happened to you and the emotional consequences that ensue are something you never expected.

Notes: I know Carly and Bruce just broke up but I just basically finished editing as they announced so if yall don’t wanna read and just wallow I understand but the next chapter of Love For Hire is here for yall when yall are ready. Also! Thank you to the people sending in requests! its so exciting. Thank you all truly. Im going to start writing them asap. Should be up by tonight or tomorrow. One last thing, this series truly is a slow burn. I have a million ideas for this series so there will be a lot of chapters. Hope yall love a good slow burn because that is exactly what this is. Much love, Julie

Word Count: 1775

CHAPTER ONE - CHAPTER TWO

“DDDDAAAVVVIDDDDDDDD!” You hear someone yell from inside the house as Natalie opens the glass door to their home. You follow behind them as they walk in taking off their shoes, you do the same. 

This tall, multi-hair colored man hugged David and looked in my direction. He let go of David and said with a grin, “Well, David who did you bring home?” Looking at me from top to bottom. He walked over to me and gave me a big bear hug. “Hi. I’m Zane.” You struggled to breathe as the hug was very tight. David hit him on the side making him let go of you. “Don’t suffocate her dumbass.” He says to Zane, making him let go. “This is (Y/N).” 

“And how come I’ve never met (Y/N), David.” He glared at David while putting his arm around your shoulder walking over to the living room where other people you didn’t know were sitting.

“Because I just met her about thirty minutes ago.” He said as we all sat on the couch. You are now sitting in between Zane and this boy with blonde hair and many tattoos. 

“Ummm? What? Who are you (Y/N)?” Zane says with his full attention now on me.

“Well… I’m (Y/N) and I’ve been hired to be David’s fake girlfriend for a month.” You say casually. Multiple gasps come from people you have yet to meet but Zane just starts laughing. So hard that it makes the others start laughing.

When he finally stops, he looks over at David. “Couldn’t get a girl to date you so you had to hire one, huh?” He says beginning to laugh again.

David looks around, cheeks flushed, “you know I’m not looking to date anyone Zane. You all know how hard its been to be Liza’s ex boyfriend. I have a lot of press coming up within the next month so I’m giving everyone a distraction. (Y/N) is everyone’s distraction.” He says gesturing towards you like a shiny toy. The rest of the group nods in understanding.

The rest of the night is filled with music, jokes, meeting everyone, and many cameras. You were able to introduce yourself properly to the rest of the people there. You met Matt, Heath, Scott, and Joe. They were all extremely nice and took to you as a little sister type. They all felt so comfortable and homey. You then met the girls there; Carly, Erin, and Corinna. You instantly clicked with them. They were a perfect mix of funny, girly, down to earth, but also had a slight edge to them that made them not feel like superficial girls. It was a little surreal hanging out with the vlog squad after doing so much research on them in the plane but you just clicked with them just like you hoped you would.

Slowly one by one people started leaving David’s house to go home. First Corinna, to go stream. Heath next to go back to his girlfriend Mariah. Carly and Erin next to go to their respective apartments and boyfriends. Then Scott and Joe to also go back to their homes and girlfriends. Then lastly, Zane and Matt to go back to the house they shared. When everyone was gone, Natalie showed you to your room, when you did some light unpacking, you went out to the living room to find David on his computer and Natalie lying on the couch scrolling through her phone. You casually sit on the love sac across from them. “So are you guys ready to talk details?” You say trying not to be too forward but wanting to know details because this was, in fact, your job.

Natalie looks over to David and nods. Natalie sits up. “So, the main objective we were hoping to accomplish with hiring you is to distract people from David’s ex relationship for press. Do you know about David and his youtube?” She questions.

You nod. “I did my research during the flight, I have a general idea of who you all are.”

“Okay great! I’m sure you’ll learn smaller things to make the fake relationship more believable as you continue hanging out with us. So we need you to be a subtle affectionate kind of girlfriend. We do have cameras on nearly all the time. So just hang out with David as if you two are best friends and throw in some touches, some kisses on the cheek, overall general closeness. You’ll attend any events he has to do, but we all attend them so it’s not just you alone. You will have to act the part of a lot of the time. How does that sound? Am I scaring you?” She asks concerned.

“No! No no. I’m fine. Just a lot of information at once. I just want to make sure its not weird. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable David.” You said now looking over to David who was still looking at his laptop. “Because I’m completely willing to act the part but obviously we are not actually dating and I don’t want things to be weird.” David is now looking at you. He sighs, pushes his laptop over to the side, and sits closer to Natalie to face you. 

“I don’t think it’ll be weird. I think the only thing I’m hesitant about is that I just don’t know you. I want to know you so I can act normal around you, so I can act like a fake boyfriend. The fans know when I’m doing anything off. They can smell lies through the screen. But if we are actually friends then I think we can fool them, especially since they don’t know you so they haven’t learned to tell when you’re lying.” He smiles softly.

You smile back. “Well I’m an open book! Either of you can ask me anything that will make you feel more comfortable with me.”

David and Natalie look at each other then back at me. “Why are you an escort?” David asks nervously.

You smile solemnly at them. “I’m broke, is the short answer. I went to college for marketing but couldn’t get any job after it. I would apply to every PR firm in Boston and the state but nothing ever happened. I didn’t have the connections I should of made in college. My dad died during my junior year so I was super withdrawn during the prime time for internships and networking. When I finally graduated, I was jobless and homeless. I couch surfed for a while and that’s when I started escorting. I was objectively pretty and I needed money. It was definitely dark at first because I was so desperate for money that I did every job I was offered. When I finally got enough money, I got a tiny studio in Boston, was able to get a shitty deli job, and survive off only doing not sketchy escort gigs every once in a while. This escort job gives me the time to apply and try and catch up on the things I missed out on to further my career. So here I am, pretending to be your fake girlfriend for a job but also the whole social media thing intrigued me. Thought it could help me learn from experience about PR and stuff. Just thought I’d be up front about that.” You finally finish, sighing a long sigh, and looking over their faces. You could tell they were sympathetic but there was no pity in their eyes. You were grateful. “Oh god, enough about my sob story. The real question is, are there actually ghosts that love only Natalie in this house? Because I think that may be a deal breaker.” You say sarcastically.

They both laugh. Natalie nudges you lightly. “You really did do your research.”

The rest of the night is spent getting to know each other. You learn all about them. How they grew up together. David’s start in the social media space. Natalie moving to LA to be his assistant. The empire he has built for himself. In turn they ask you all about yourself. Living in Boston, your family, college, high school, ex boyfriends, your best friend, and your opinions on the most random stuff. That’s definitely something you and David connected on, going on random tangents about the wonders of the universe. You didn’t think anyone else thought like that but here he was. 

It was nearing 3AM and you all needed sleep. They told you they had some plans to film at a friend's house the next day. You left the living room, into your room, excited for the next day. You felt connected to Natalie, David, and even the other vlog squad members in a way you couldn’t explain. It felt like you connected a puzzle piece correctly to the puzzle that is your life. It has been a long time since you felt that way. You drifted off to sleep with a smile on your face.

You woke up to no alarm, just the sound of chatter in the living room. You woke up and got ready for the day. As you walked into the living room you see Natalie talking on the phone, you wave, and make your way over to the kitchen. As you look through the fridge Natalie walks up behind you and says, “Hey, don’t worry about breakfast. I just postmated a bunch off breakfast stuff from IHOP.” You smile, going over to sit at the kitchen island, “sounds great, thank you Nat.”

When the postmates comes in and it set up on the kitchen island is when David decides to come out of his bedroom to eat everything. It’s nice and comfortable eating with them. Some light witty banter, lots of shoving food into mouths by David, and just pure ease as you all eat. The second we finish eating, David wipes his mouth with his sleeve, and says, “Okay! You ready to go” Looking at both Natalie and you. Slightly startled you just nod and within seconds you are in his Tesla riding somewhere. His camera settled in the car so all three of you are shown. You came to the conclusion last night that if a camera was on and near you that you had to play the part. This was your first go, and you were ready to embrace this job for what it was, so you looked at David and smiled sweetly with a look of love for the camera to see. This was the official first day of being David Dobrik’s real fake girlfriend.

-

Tags: If you want to be tagged let me know... @duh-dobrik @live-awkward @roxyedobrik @duhdobrik 

[a-simple-lee]

Tipping Point

Peter Parker, Reader

Synopsis: June is a difficult time of year when you’re closeted. You need someone to talk to. Peter’s willing to listen, and provide some distractions once it’s all over.

A/n: Yes, writing fanfic is my coping mechanism. Yes, I know it’s not healthy. Am I bothered? Not particularly. I tried to leave descriptions of identity vague for both Peter & the reader, so people can put in whatever head-canons/identities they want.

_____________________________________

   A dog barks from somewhere outside your bedroom window. Your ceiling seems lighter than it did a few minutes ago. You sigh and turn your head to the open window, immediately squinting as the first sliver of sunlight hits your eyes. Why you didn’t shut the curtains last night is beyond you.  It must be around nine am, but you wouldn’t know. Despite going to bed early last night, you think you’ve slept in. There’s a weight in your chest. It’s hard to ignore. You were hoping it would’ve left by now.

  Your phone blips; it was supposed to be on silent – perhaps you forgot? You forgot to do a lot of things last night, too numb to do anything except crawl into bed. Clambering out from beneath the covers, you read the notification. It’s Ned, posting yet another Instagram photo, at – yes, it’s nine AM.

  A sigh finds its way out. Pride was yesterday. Everyone went. You know Ned’s post will be a selfie from yesterday, so shouldn’t open it; basically every self-care article on the internet would tell you not to. But you do so anyway, tapping in your pass-code with groggy fingers and blinking as the notification expands to show his post.

  This turns into what must be at least 15 minutes of you scrolling through social media. You weren’t planning on opening it, since you knew it would hurt. It does, of course, but it’s bittersweet, seeing everyone post about yesterday. Every picture and vlog brings you comfort, but you do feel envious.

  Flash has mini vlogs showing floods of rainbow-clad people, the crowds bathing in sunlight with drink cans held to the sky, music thrumming through the air over joyous laughter as people march their way down the New York streets. You put your phone down at last, once the frustration gets too much.

  You couldn’t make it. For the fourth year in a row. You’re still not out to your family, and every year you inexplicably find yourself wound up in their important plans or outings on the same day as the parade. You wouldn’t mind so much, but you and your friends have grown up in school together, part of which means watching each other come out to your families over time. One by one, around five of your friends came out. You’re the only one who still hasn’t been to pride.

“Hello?” Pete’s voice comes through the phone. He sounds tired, maybe hungover. But you’re not sure he’s the type to get hungover. Doesn’t matter, you weren’t with your friends to find out. You don’t remember pressing the call button, but you must’ve done. Taking a moment to gather yourself, you take a deep breath in.

“Hi, Peter. It’s me.”

“Oh, hi! How are you doing?”

You hesitate. “Can, uh, can we meet up today?” Your voice sounds thin, & unstable.

“Uh, sure, you wanna come over? We could get coffee, or-“

“-I just feel kinda trash.” You interrupt, double checking your bedroom door’s shut in case anyone overhears your conversation.

“Oh. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I- actually, can I come over? I’m- I just need- Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure! I’ll-I’ll see you in a minute?” His tone is overly cheerful, but you can sense his concern.

“Yeah, in a minute.” There’s a silence between you. You look down and smooth out your bedclothes from where you’d been scrunching them up in your hand. “Hey, Peter?”

“Uhuh?”

“Did I wake you up?”

“No- well, yeah- but- don’t worry, it’s fine.”

“Are you hungover?”

“What? I – no, no. I’m fine. We stayed up late last night, that’s all. I didn’t drink.”

“Okay.”

“Okay…I’m gonna go. See ya.”

“Yeah, see ya.”

  The journey from your house to his apartment is only 10 minutes. You trudge over in some clean pyjamas, too tired to put on normal clothes but not wanting to stay in the same pair for over 12 hours. There aren’t many people around, and those who are have more important things to worry about than strangers’ attire. Besides, you know shortcuts to avoid being seen. The streets of Queens are fairly quiet for this time of day, which is simultaneously convenient and infuriating, since the barrage of adverts and shop windows is now your primary view. This wouldn’t normally bother you, except for the fact that it’s June, so there are rainbows everywhere. You put headphones in and look at the floor as you walk, avoiding the puddles of semi-dried vomit and confetti from the night before. The bins are filled with red solo cups. This is probably similar to how missing the holiday season would feel, you decide, bending down to pick up the fragments of somebody’s rainbow cardboard sign and shoving them in the trash. The garbage-men must be running late, since every dumpster’s stacked with party gear and drink bottles. A woman passing you smiles, and you return the gesture with a polite nod before putting your head back down and walking faster.

  At long last, you’ve reached your destination; you dump your bag on the floor outside Pete's apartment and knock; hurried footsteps sound, followed by a creak as your friend opens the door. He smiles, and so do you.

"Hi!"

"Hey!" you're stepping inside, checking your phone's connected to the wifi. Both of you are still in pyjamas. Neither of you address this as you walk through his apartment. Then you see Peter's pride flag hanging from his bed.

"How was yesterday?" It's a question you already know the answer to.

"Oh, it was great!" Pete turns, sitting down on his bed as he puts on his hoodie. He starts talking about the parade, and mentions an after-party at MJ’s, but you’re having trouble listening.

“…and Ned said-“

“Pete,” You start, at a loss for words. Your expression wavers. ”I’m the only closeted one now.”

  And suddenly you’re practically collapsing into his arms, managing to utter something about missing the parade and finals being an added stress. Tears warm your cheeks, but you’re not sure when they started. Peter stays silent, just holding you. The fabric of his hoodie gives you a little comfort, and you try to take deep breaths. At some point the both of you shifted into a lying position, but as the tears retreat, your main focus is on explaining yourself.

“I…I just feel lonely? Is that weird? E-everyone else came out so easily, but I’m so scared, and I’m-I’m happy for everyone but it hurts so much not being able to celebrate with you guys every year, because I want to be- a part of…the community, and I feel so shut off right now.” Your speech is interspersed with sobs and a couple sniffs – Peter conjures up a packet of tissues from somewhere whilst you’re talking, and hands them to you midway through – not saying anything, just listening. You notice his thumb’s rubbing back and forth over your shoulder as he hugs you.

“It hurts not being able to be honest with everyone. I’m pretending all the time, and I’m sick of it – but I just never feel ready, and I know that no one ever does feel ready, but- I just hate how something this trivial has to make things so difficult!” You fall silent, and Peter moves his hand to card through your hair. He shifts after a few seconds of you regaining your breathing, and you feel something wrapped around your shoulders.

“Here,” He says, and you sit up to get a better look – it’s his pride flag, draped over you like a blanket. You grasp the corners as Peter wipes a stray tear from your face and looks you in the eye. “We can share it. It can stay at mine, so your family won’t know, and you can use it whenever you want. You’re not alone. I know it sucks being closeted, but you have us. You have me, okay?”

  You tackle him then, forcing the both of you into another hug. “Okay.” The bright colours of his flag glow from the sun coming through the window, and everything feels a little less painful. Peter’s caught off-guard by the embrace, but quickly returns it. It feels like you spend an eternity just laying together, but it could be just a few seconds – you’re not interested in keeping track.

“We could throw our own pride, yknow.” Peter starts, and a smile finds your face.

“Yeah, we could.”

“I’m sure there are still decorations on sale. We could buy rainbow cups and banners. Mr Stark would probably help if I asked.”

“That’d be cool!”

“Yeah,” He pauses. “What do you want to do?”

“Can we just talk? I wanna forget about it for now.”

“Sure…” He stops, and smiles. “Did you walk over here in pyjamas?”

“Perhaps.”

“Fair. Can’t go wrong with Pikachu, I guess.” He pokes the design on your shirt, just above your navel. You recoil, swatting his hand away.

“Careful,” a giggle almost slips out – almost.

“What?” Peter repeats the motion, unaware of what he’s doing.

“Wait- it tickles!” You yelp, trying to grab his wrist as his fingertip collides with your torso a second time. Some inner part of your being cringes as you say ‘tickle’, but you manage to force the word past your lips despite the pang of embarrassment.

“Oh?” He’s grinning now- never a good sign. Your elbows dig into the mattress as you make a move to roll over and crawl away, but Peter grabs your waist, pre-empting your escape attempt.

“You’re ticklish?”

“Uh- no! No, I take it back, I-uh-“ You start rambling incoherently, simultaneously pulling to get out of your friend’s grip with very little success as he pulls you back towards him and into his lap; it’s a slightly awkward position, Peter sitting against the wall with you held against him in front. Nonetheless, his hands quickly find your sides, giving them an experimental squeeze and immediately continuing when you let a renegade snicker escape.

“Gotcha!” He exclaims, laughing when you swiftly dissolve into hysterics.

“Ahaha-no!” You’re flailing and squirming, but it’s difficult to do anything except sit there and take it, since Peter’s arms are wrapped around your abdomen in a sort of restraining hug now, fingers finding purchase on the fabric of your shirt as they seek out your ticklish spots. It’s very difficult to decide whether it’s torture or exactly what you were hoping for. Perhaps it’s mostly the latter, but the way Pete’s wriggling his fingers into a sweet spot at the back of your ribs makes you question that just a little. He takes your bout of hysterics as an opportunity to flip you onto the bed, and your back hits the cushions; Peter follows your fall, and is now crouched over you, hands colliding with your tummy as you land. You realize you’ve dropped the pride flag at some point, because you feel it lying on the mattress beneath you now. It’s hard to focus on anything except the helpless giggles pouring from your lips, endorphins quickly flooding your blood stream and adding to the sense of giddiness as Peter reduces you to a puddle of shrieking laughter.

“Pehehete! Wahahahait, wahahahahait- ahahaha!”

“What?” He smiles, moving his focus to your underarms and drawing a squeal from you in the process.

“Nononono- plehehehease!” But you speak carefully, making sure your tone of voice doesn’t sound panicked so he doesn’t get worried and stop. Your hands find the corners of the flag, and yank it over your face to cover up the blush swiftly taking over your features. The world becomes a blur of colour, and your laughing blends with his for a second. It’s beautiful and warm, and safe. You don’t want it to end.

“Where’s your worst spot?” Peter asks, fingertips drifting up to swipe gentle lines across your neck. Your shoulders hunch up and you try to cover yourself as much as possible, holding onto the flag tighter. You don’t reply, too lost in laughter. “Are you blanking me? Do I have to find out myself?”

“Nohoho, no! I’m not blahanking you!” Your voice returns all of a sudden, and your legs kick into motion, trying to backpedal away from your attacker. It’s probably a ridiculous sight, considering the fabric covering your face, and your pokemon pajamas. You don’t think that matters to Peter, though – you’re both a ridiculous duo.

“Good. I thought I’d gone too far or something.”

This stumps you. It’s now near impossible to reply without confirming you don’t entirely mind this.

“Ihihihi’m fine!” You manage to giggle, simultaneously noticing the heat spreading up your neck. Just then, the flag’s snatched from your grasp, and Peter’s face becomes visible again. He grabs your hips, giving them an experimental squeeze and grinning wider when you try to wriggle away.

“Your laugh’s infectious, you know that?”

“Shuhuhut up!”

What could be minutes or hours pass. Peter seems content that he’s distracting you sufficiently, taking his time exploring any ticklish spots he can find, teases and pleas passing between each of you every few seconds.

But then your laughter goes silent, and he pulls away instantly, letting you recover your breath.

“Sorry! Sorry! I-“ He starts, then notices you giggling with a massive smile on your face.

“S’fine,” You utter, trying to calm down your residual laughter slightly. “I’m okay. I think.”

“Oh, okay,” Peter lets himself fall back to lie next to you, the bed bouncing slightly. “I was worried.”

“No, it’s alright. I...” Pausing, you fight back the urge to hide underneath your flag again. “...didn’t hate it.”

“You didn’t?”

“Uh...I might’ve liked it?” You mutter this last part, turning away so you can’t see Pete grinning.

“What?”

“I...liked it. Being...yknow.” God, this is the most embarrassed you’ve ever been. You’re grateful you can’t see your friend’s expression - until he squeezes your side, forcing you to turn around. He’s smiling, and part of you sighs in relief.

“You like being tickled?”

“Mayyybe?” You grab hold of his wrist, not sure whether to look him in the eye or hide under the covers for a few years till your blush fades.

“How about I tickle you again? Would that help you decide?” His fingers whir into motion against your t shirt, gently teasing the sensitive nerves and drawing another stream of giggles from your lips.

“WAit-Nohoho!” You cry, already squirming to get away. Peter wraps his arms around you in a hug, and starts going to town for the second time. It’s definitely a good distraction, and part of you feels lighter as you struggle against his hold. The hysterics don’t seem like they’ll stop anytime soon, and as endorphins begin flooding your body, you’re definitely not complaining.

You realize you’ve never felt less alone.