#i think its healthy for a mistreated teenage girl to get to burn down a city or two.

[odessastone]

on the topic of my "Illari gets recruited by Talon" theory, today I got a kill streak on her and she says "I've done worse, and I'll DO worse."

Doesn't sound like a very heroic thing to say lol

[askanaroace]

So I was reading this awesome aromantic roundtable led by one of the editors, writers and creators - Claudie Arseneault - of the upcoming Common Bonds Anthology (which did get fully funded, if you remember its kickstarter!), and early on, there was a question proposed about everyone’s favorite platonic relationships in media, and it got me thinking. At first, I couldn’t even think of any platonic relationships. Too much pressure! And I wasn’t a part of the roundtable, LOL. But I’ve been stewing on it for the day now, and I want to share some of my favorite platonic relationships in media to help celebrate them!

Christina Yang and Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy)

The friendship that, from what I knew, spawned the “my person” trend. The unlikely friendship that grew from similar ambition and mutual respect of knowledge and skill. Christina and Meredith were always there for each other through everything. At the end of the day, they were there for each other. Sandra Oh leaving Grey’s Anatomy was a huge blow to me because this duo is an extremely important female friendship. These women compete with each other, but they use that ambition to better themselves. They don’t cut each other down to get ahead. They don’t mistreat each other for the attention of men. They’re not just misogynistic tropes that men write a lot. They’re real, complex, beautiful, wonderful women. And they’re not very touchy-feely, but you can still see and feel the depths of how much they care for each other. They’re extremely important for me as a person who’s fairly touch averse and slogged through friendships with people who literally used the word “train” to describe their invasion of my boundaries, as in training me to stand their touch.

Carla Espinosa and Elliot Reid (Scrubs)

A slow-burn friendship that grew out of the embers of conflict and annoyance for each other. This relationship is important to me because it’s a very similar relationship that I had with one of the very best friends I’ve ever had. Like Elliot, she was well-meaning and wanted to be friends. Like Carla, I had a hard time putting my defenses down and it didn’t help that I found her eagerness annoying. But through a ridiculous - and looking back on it, hilarious - situation, we did become friends, just like Carla and Elliot. This friendship shows growth. I love how Carla and Elliot didn’t just become friends at first sight. We see them work on fostering their relationship and working to re-connect later in the series when they’ve become distracted by other things going on in their life.

John Dorian aka JD and Chris Turk (Scrubs)

It’s so refreshing and wonderful to see such a close male friendship on TV between two men who, even if one sometimes struggles with it or just struggles to admit it, are vulnerable with each other. Turk and JD are so close, and their relationship is often lovingly teased for seeming so romantic. This friendship breaks barriers of what platonic relationships really can be. It’s a great example of how much two friends can love each other and how important friendships can be. It’s a celebration of platonic love in a world where platonic love is often downplayed and dismissed in favor of romantic relationships.

John Dorian aka JD and Carla Espinosa (Scrubs)

Honestly, Scrubs is just a goldmine of different types of relationships, of celebrating them and understanding them and exploring them. I miss this show so much; it was a gift in so many ways. JD and Carla are so sweet with each other. I especially love how good of friends they are, and it never becomes romantic with them. There’s never a will-they, won’t-they between them. They drunkenly kiss once and both of them find it awkward and weird. They’re friends, and there is no “more” than that for them. Their friendship is something to be celebrated and nurtured. It’s meaningful, and I love it.

Liz Ortecho and Maria DeLuca (Roswell, New Mexico)

I’m not even fully through this show yet, and Liz and Maria are just so wonderful and heartwarming to watch. Their friendship is not the focus of the show, but what we see of it is strong and supportive and just makes me plain happy to see. (((SPOILERS))) [When they’re starting to think Maria may be the murderer, Liz vehemently defends her and knows she can’t be the killer. In this day and age of grim and gritty shows, it would have been easy to let Liz doubt Maria and grow suspicious of her. Instead, she stayed true to their friendship.] (((END SPOILERS))) Just the small ways in which they support each other are really great, too, like when Liz lays her head on Maria’s shoulder for comfort.

Okoye and T’Challa (Black Panther)

Everything in Black Panther was so well done. It’s absolutely a movie that showcased and celebrated so many different kinds of healthy relationships: platonic, familial, romantic... It was part of the draw of all the protagonists. I especially love Okoye and T’Challa, though. That moment when T’Challa’s story really begins and we see Okoye playfully teasing T’Challa about the mission stole my heart. Okoye isn’t just a bodyguard, and T’Challa isn’t just a leader. They are truly friends. They know each other extremely well. They’re friendly and familiar with each other, again, in a way that’s never meant to be leading up to romance. They just have such familiarity and comfort with each other that even without any backstory, it’s clear to us all how important they are to each other.

Leslie Knope and Ann Perkins, Leslie Knope and Donna Meagle, Donna Meagle and Tom Haverford, Leslie Knope and Ron Swanson, Ron Swanson and April Ludgate (Parks and Rec)

Honestly, I never planned on even watching Parks and Rec. Then one day I was out of shows to catch up on and nothing sounded interesting and Parks and Rec had a lot of seasons that could keep me busy, and I fell in love despite thinking I’d hate the show. Leslie and Ann were the first friends to pop into my head, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how many amazing friendships were in this show, and I couldn’t pick. But considering how many it is, I didn’t want to separate them all out. Anyway, we all need a good humor once in a while, and Parks is Rec is one of those I’ll keep coming back to when I need something to cheer me up. A lot of these friendships are established at the beginning of the show, but we also get to watch a lot of them grow and evolve. I love all the different ways they support each other, from Leslie’s blatant showering of love and affection with words and physical touch and gifts to Donna and Tom encouraging each other to just do something for themselves to Ron and April’s stoic but deeply caring relationship and walkaround communication. They’re all such strong and different personalities, yet they come together in this beautiful melding of hope and optimism. Throughout it all, they never lose their individuality or sense of self, and that’s what makes them love each other even more.

Phoebe Buffay and Joey Tribbiani (Friends)

There’s a lot to be said about Friends and a lot of it is bad, but I’ve always loved Phoebe and Joey. I love their casual flirtation with each other. These two can say pretty much anything to each other, even the weirdest stuff, with basically no judgement. They have the sweetest, funniest moments when it’s just the two of them, when they can be unabashedly themselves in front of each other.

Rowan Northwood and Rán (Dragonoak trilogy)

I love Rowan and Rán separately and I love them together. Rán is just so friendly and open, you can’t help but immediately fall in love with her. She becomes someone Rowan can really lean on, and she’s Rowan’s teacher in many ways about the wider world than the one she grew up in. By the end of the trilogy, their friendship has grown into something that seemed really reminiscent to me of a queerplatonic relationship. We get to follow the journey of them meeting and becoming friends and growing to really love and support each other more and more throughout the series. Honestly, they’re like a warm hug or freshly baked plate of cookies.

Zélie Adebola and Roën (Children of Blood and Bone)

Two people with very different experiences and backgrounds who have both experienced deep pain and loss and have a pretty tragic backstory. They’ve ended up coping with these experiences in pretty different ways. Zélie has become extremely passionate and serious, and in the beginning, she’s always ready for a fight. Roën is a charmer who is more likely to use humor and quick wit to cope. Yet they can share really intimate moments of understanding between each other as they get to know and really understand who the other person is. There’s definite chemistry between them. They’re both extremely magnetic personalities who dominate the pages they share together. 

Jamie and Hazel (Girls with Slingshots)

I think I originally checked out this webcomic after hearing it had an asexual character. Though the comic has a lot of sex and sex jokes, I immediately fell in love with it, and that was absolutely a result of the friendship between the upbeat, cutie Jamie and cynical, pessimist Hazel. So many different aspects of their personalities and relationship reminded me of me and my friend, though it was different aspects of both of them that represented both of us. Jamie and Hazel were really the first friends I read about who could be so open with each other no matter the subject. My friends and I in HS all gravitated towards each other because we were closeted/unknowing queer kids. As a result, we went through our teenage years pretty repressed. Sex jokes were made, but none of us were seriously talking about or even considering sex. My friend was totally embarrassed and ashamed to admit that she masturbated, and it wasn’t because she felt awkward that I was asexual. Seeing the totally open and unashamed relationship between Jamie and Hazel taught me a lot and broke down a lot of social barriers I hadn’t realized existed. I love how well these two totally different people could work with each other.

Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir (Community)

I was super late to the Community bandwagon, but glad I decided to give it a watch, anyway! Who couldn’t love the totally weird duo of Troy and Abed who loved just getting weird, doing shenanigans, and performing bits with each other? Another great example of two people very different from each other just finding this innate bond with each other and truly taking joy in each other’s company. Watching them have fun together is a treat; it’s just plain fun to see how much fun they can have doing the silliest, even rather meaningless, things.

Anyway, I’ve been working on this post for a while now, it’s already very long, and I need to go to bed, so I’m going to stop here!

Please feel free to add your own favorite platonic relationships to this post! From any medium! You don’t have to write as much as I did! Just naming them is fine! Let’s celebrate platonic relationships in all their glory. o3o

[takaraphoenix]

Odd question but what do you think of the “fujoshi” community? Harmless fun or harmful fetishization?

Oh, oh I’m getting a headache just reading that question…

No, it is not fetisihzation that is utter bullshit. No it is not harmful, that is even more bullshit.

The people accusing fujoshi of fetishization do the exact same thing. They write the exact same stories and draw the exact same fanarts about the exact same gays. But because the creators in one case are females, they are the devil and they are fetishizing.

By every definition of the word, I am a fujoshi too - a female fan of mlm ships. Yaoi or shounen-ai, if you wish to continue using Japanese terms.

What fujoshi discourse boils down to is a group of people being misogynistic crybabies and not allowing females to have genuine interests.

The term “CIShet woman” is thrown around like a slur in this discourse - disregarding that not all fujoshi are CIS or het. I, for my part, am a lesbian. It’s literally only about those people’s hatred for women, really.

Because the exact same content is totally fine if it is made by a gay man.

They don’t even realize how ridiculous that is.

If we would ever only get representation if it gets written by a person from the group in question, we would literally barely get anything.

Most gay stories were written by straight men and women. Most stories involving characters of color used to be written by white writers. Someone has to pave the way - and it is the group that is most “accepted” to do the job. In the case of writing for Hollywood, those would be the white men. Does that mean we have no right to see movies about women or characters of color or non-straights? No, no it does not.

As a lesbian, I can still enjoy Willow and Tara as a lesbian couple on Buffy even though they were written by a CIShet man. I still get to enjoy Elena’s coming out story on One Day at a Time even though the show was not written by a lesbian.

So if you, as a gay man, can not accept seeing a mlm couple written by a woman, then the problem is not the woman who invests her time into writing this, it is with you.

Especially since we are talking fandom here.

We’re not even talking Hollywood. We’re talking about authors on AO3 and fanarts on DeviantArt and on here. We’re talking about fans, people who love something and dedicate their own time into creating something for free, something that you and everybody else gets to enjoy without getting any form of payment for it.

So instead of being grateful for the content, those people insult, belittle, bully and even threaten the creators.

THAT IS WHAT IS HARMFUL.

A woman creating art or stories is and can by definition not be harmful, because it is fiction about fictional characters and it is on the internet where you can just avoid it if you do not agree with it.

But those people who made this into a “discourse”, they are the ones being harmful because they mistreat people who do something they enjoy.

People crying that “Those women enjoying what I am enjoying and what is clearly aimed only at me because it represents me, they are ruining the thing for me!!!” are the exact same type of whiny babies as the men who started crying this exact same sentence when women started showing interest in nerd culture - you all do remember that, right? The uproar against female fans in the MCU and DC and Star Wars and Star Trek culture because how dare women show any interest in these things that “belong” to men. All this shit about “fake nerd girls” that female fans of those shows and movies have to put up with, just for being female and interested in this thing.

Women aren’t allowed to have interests.

That is literally what this boils down to.

95% of canonically gay anime and manga were written by fujoshi - most of the things those antis consume was created by fujoshi.

The most ridiculous thing I ever saw on the topic was an anti making a post that fujoshi aren’t allowed to go and see Love, Simon because it is not meant for them, it is meant for gays.

It is not.

I, as a lesbian, wish to see this movie about a gay teen romance, because heaven knows I won’t get my lesbian teen romance any time soon on this big scale.

And the wildest part? Love, Simon was literally written by a fujoshi. By the very thing they hate - the CIShet white woman. The very kind of person they want to forbid from seeing this movie. That is the author of the book.

It’s a ridiculous double-standard and it baffles me that so many people on this hellsite don’t seem to grasp that.

Representation only matters if it is written by the minority represented and no one else aside from said minority is allowed to enjoy this.

That is literally like saying white people and non-black POC aren’t allowed to watch Black Planther or make fan content to it because it solemnly belongs to black people? Aren’t allowed to see Coco because it is clearly only aimed at Latinx people…? Oh yes, it is very clearly created for this group of people and from everything I’ve seen on this site, they’re the ones who get the most enjoyment out of it and out of the representation it brought with it - but that… that doesn’t mean that no one else is allowed to enjoy this.

I saw Coco five times by now and I’m white as fuck and I highly doubt that Latinx people in the fandom will give me shit for writing fanfiction for it, or accuse me of “fetishizing” their culture just because I’d write fanfiction for this movie. Which I am, literally working on a fic for that, hence the example.

Just because something is aimed at a certain group does not mean only they can enjoy it.

It’s a ridiculous concept of double standard that is being used in the fujoshi discourse.

I’m a woman, but I’m still allowed to consume media aimed at men - holy shit, aren’t we literally trying to break gender norms these days, like, seriously?

I’m a lesbian, but I’m still allowed to consume media featuring straights and gays and bisexuals and everything else under the rainbow. It’s not like I am only allowed to watch lesbian shows… because then I would literally have nothing to watch.

I’m white, but I’m still allowed to consume media featuring and focusing on characters of color. Because holy shit, I also don’t want the all-white casts anymore, it’s intensely stale and boring and outdated?? We are literally glad that we finally broke this kind of writing when it comes to representation in this aspect, so how could you want to revert back in the case of representing sexualities…?

If everyone is only allowed to consume media that focuses on representation of themselves, then you are really living in the stone-ages. They do know that this led to Hollywood and TV shows being predominantly white and male, right?

Fujoshi are female fans creating content for other fans.

Fujoshi discourse is overgrown babies crying about women having interests, using bogus claims like “Stop fetishizing ME!!!”.

No one is fetishizing you, unless you are a male celebrity and reading RPF about yourself. Those are literally the only people who can cry out about personally being fetishized. Celebrities who are being directly lusted after and have smut written about them.

Someone writing about something that includes part of your identity does not and will never personally fetishize you.

Hentai anime about big boobed girls? Does not personally fetishize me just because I’m a busty girl. It’s gross as fuck and I don’t like it, but I can just avoid it and I don’t feel personally victimized by its existence.

That is fetishization though. Women with waists that should break under the laws of physique and boobs trice the size of their heads. That is fetishizing women.

If fujoshi would be fetishizing gays, then they would be with such emphasis of their glorious cocks and mighty balls or some shit.

Essentially 50% of the things fujoshi create are soft. Fanfiction, fanart, doujinshi - fluff, about cuddling, two characters holding each other, that 50k slow-burn coffee shop AU you read last month.

Writing about a healthy, slow relationship is not and never will be “fetishization” - and it sure as heck will never be fetishization of you personally, because it isn’t about you.

Now to get back to a point I mentioned earlier.

Not every fujoshi is CIShet. For me, personally, writing about mlm relationships and reading about them was dealing with my own homosexuality - because we don’t get female gay love.

I could walk into any bookstore and thanks to Japanese fujoshi authors, I could just buy a manga about two teenage boys, discovering their sexuality and dealing with it. No sex involved. Not a single manga I own written by a fujoshi is even yaoi. Sex doesn’t have to be in it. Like I said, most content is impossibly soft and fluffy in nature.

And it helped me come to terms with my own sexuality, with the fact that it is possible to not be straight.

It’s harder to write about wlw ships than it is to write about mlm ships by sheer math alone.

Look, say, at the Avengers - you had one female character and five male characters in that lead team. There wasn’t even an option to write about a wlw ship, while you have ten possible mlm ships. So, what are you supposed to write about as a woman? Natasha masturbating for 20k words, or what? Because I, as a woman, am not allowed to write about men…?

Look at the Voltron fandom, where you have five male characters and two female… but oh my, one of the females is literally 15 while the other is an ancient alien; not the kind of ship I sail, so again no wlw ship to write about, but just as many mlm options as in the above mentioned.

And that is a pattern.

Franchises - anime, manga, cartoon, TV shows, movies, books - are dominated by male characters. Most lead characters are male. They are more fleshed out, better developed than the rare female characters.

Even nowadays, the male characters are still mostly more dynamic and more interesting than the females, because the females are either the Mother Character, the mere bland Love Interest who doesn’t get developed beyond being a love interest to the male lead, or the Badass Female whose only real trade is that she can kick ass, but real personality mostly still comes short.

So yeah, it’s virtually not a surprise that fanfiction authors - male and female alike - mostly latch onto mlm ships and write and draw about them, because there are statistically speaking more male characters in fandom and more mlm options than wlw options.

And if you forbid women from being interested in male characters and their relationships, if you forbid women from participating in fandom, if you forbid women from creating for the things they love…

There would be no fandoms.

Literally.

Fanfiction started because women wanted to see Spock and Kirk fuck. While there are many male creators by now, fandom has always been rather dominated by women, who created and set the path.

So we are good enough to put you where you are now, but now we are forbidden from participating in the very thing we created? Literally, the thing we created - because most of your boyslove manga and anime were created by fujoshi. So you are allowed to consume that but you do not allow the people who are like the author to also enjoy it…? Really?

And then there is also still that accusation that, somehow, “we” evil CIShet women get off to fetishizing “you” poor gay men.

I’m ace. I don’t get off to the smut I write. I write the sex scenes because they are part of the relationship, just as I write the wooing and getting together. It ain’t about “getting off”. It’s about the enjoyment of writing.

And while I, personally, don’t identify as a fujoshi because I don’t like the term, others do - and others have a right to. Just like I would never call myself a stan of anything, because I don’t like the term - but by definition I most likely do stan a lot of characters and shows and things.

I think a big problem is that fujoshi, translated, means “rotten woman” and somehow the butthurt crybabies who feel personally victimized by fujoshi see that as meaning something bad.

Yes, the words rotten woman do not exactly scream “Oh, this is a nice thing!”, but those people don’t even bother looking up the meaning - because words have meanings, connotations attached to them. And meanings change. Just because something seems to “say” one thing if you do a literal translation of it does not necessarily mean that the word also means the same thing that said literal translation offers. That is not how language works.

And at its very core, all that fujoshi means is “female fan of mlm”. The term itself was coined during times where liking gays and being gay was even more scandalous than today. You were rotten if you liked gays, a disgusting, rotten person - and yet still those women weren’t stopped. They created.

They created things that future generations got to enjoy. They created a pathway.

And if people today want to call themselves fujoshi because they identify with the term, then absolutely no one has a right to judge them, has the right to assign a different meaning to that term.

How do we, today in this day and age where we are all about claiming our own identity, have people out there who think they can dictate the identity and interests of others?

How is the gay community so rotten that there are people not allowing women to have an interest and condemning them for the label they chose for themselves…?

That is the disgusting and harmful part of the fujoshi discourse, really.