#i think its also just fucked for me to have gone through and rebuilt her (this port was a chance at a rebuild) thinking i had my fang attac

[tabletop-nightmare]

Something so miserable about playing a tabletop system that is actively updating. Having something character based you couldn't use for two years, finally finally have it in your grasp only to move to the newest update an actually have the aspect completely deleted from existence. Actually legitimately crying in club like.... you took out the vampires ability to attack... with their fangs.

[boywifesammy]

sam's initial reaction to the bunker is actually heart-wrenching. do you guys ever think about how fucking terrifying it is that sam eventually just accepts that he's going to suffer forever? that he'll never have a home? that pain is what he DESERVES, his destiny, what he's fated for. the loneliness of sam's character genuinely HURTS me, especially when they show us over and over again that he craves humanity so badly. him running away to stanford and his short stint with amelia are just two examples but i could go on for hours about how much sam perpetually craves connection. every single time the opportunity is presented he jumps at the chance because even if it has ended in disaster every other time he so desperately wants something permanent, something that's his, to feel like he belongs anywhere.

the sole reason that sam was able to gain control over lucifer in swan song and jump into the cage was because of that little soldier man figurine in the impala. that entire episode revolved around the impala and how it was sam and dean's home their entire life. those little snippets of them carving their initials into her skeleton and how dean made sure to keep all those little personal effects every time he rebuilt her... it just tears me apart knowing what sam goes through later on. he places such deep, deep importance on the small stretches of life that he gets to experience in between the pain and loss that is the rest of it.

this is why when sam told dean that he couldn't call the bunker home because every home he's had has literally GONE UP IN FLAMES, it absolutely destroyed me, because there was so much FEAR and desperation in that scene. that 'normalcy' that sam wanted when he was younger wasn't actually about the specifics of civilian life. it was about having a home, and the peace of mind that he could unconditionally trust that the people he loved wouldn't leave or die.

but the bunker is literally warded against fucking everything. in s9 the bunker is presented as this impenetrable fortress, full of decades of lore and weaponry and information, a perfect dream hideout for a hunter. it's the first real chance at safety that sam has ever had but he absolutely cannot trust it. he tried with jess and with amelia but he's just so tired, so scared to care because its inevitable that this will also go up in flames. after everything he's lost? he can't even consider it. he's had this desperate need his entire life but he's so wary and fearful that he can't let himself hope even when the stars align perfectly.

it's terribly tragic. the silent, burning loneliness in sam's character is so well done and it talks to how much sam's been through that he's genuinely accepted that he will never get the luxury of safety or trusting anybody but himself. it really highlights how twisted up he is despite people insisting that he is the 'normal' brother.

[how-to-hide-a-body]

Bittersweet Hellos

Kind of sad Steddie content, it’s after the Vecna stuff. It’s not fixed just a different type of broken.

There are some Ronance and Steddie moments also a main character is dead and some are injured.

Total Word Count: 2,090

It had been almost two and a half months since everything with Vecna went down. The town had gone back to its semi-normalness, most people pretended the earthquake hadn’t happened. Most destroyed homes had been rebuilt, but so many people moved out it wasn’t like it mattered much anyways. Eddie and Steve had been sitting in silence in Steve’s room for the past twenty minutes. Steve’s house was like a second home to Eddie, Robin, and Max. There were many nights that the four of them would crash in the otherwise empty house. And though he’d never admit it Steve enjoyed not spending his days alone.

Eddie sat on the floor, quietly plucking at his guitar strings. He suddenly stopped and looked up at Steve, who was sitting on his bed and staring out the window. “Hey Steve?” Eddie asked, “Could we cuddle, I’ve been feeling kind of down.” Steve turned to face Eddie and motioned for him to come closer. Eddie climbed into the bed and placed his head in Steve’s lap.

“Honestly, I haven’t been feeling the best either,” Steve admitted as he played with Eddie’s hair, “I just can’t stop thinking about everything. Vecna, the murders, fighting him in the upside down. We lost so many people, the earthquake wrecked so much, Max might never be able to walk or see again, she might not even wake up. And he’s-” Steve stopped playing with Eddie’s hair, one hand balled into a fist and the other tried to keep his pain from getting out. “He wasn’t supposed to- I should’ve” He couldn’t contain his sorrow anymore, his sobs escaped him and all Steve could mutter anymore was “I’m sorry” in between sobs. Eddie got up from Steve’s lap and pulled him into an embrace. Eddie placed Steve’s face into his neck and tried to provide him with some comfort by rubbing his back and stroking his hair.

"I know, it's been rough. I miss him too, sometimes it feels like he’s still here." Eddie got choked up and started to cry too, "But we have to acknowledge it, he's gone. Dustin sacrificed himself for everyone, he was the bravest and kindest person I’ll ever know. Through everything he never changed who he was, and he was fucking brilliant.”

“He was wasn’t he,” Steve gave a melancholy smile and wrapped his arms around Eddie. So the two just sat on Steve’s bed, holding one another and telling tales of Dustin Henderson with teary eyes and shaky breaths.

They sat like this for a while before Eddie pulled away, “As much as I would love to spend all day here with you, me and Henderson have a graduation to make,” Eddie smiled and started to leave before calling back, “See you for dinner with Mrs. Henderson,”

Steve wiped the remnants of tears from his face and replied, “Of course, but you’ve got to be out of your mind if you think I’d miss you flipping Principal Higgins the bird,” They both laughed as Eddie grabbed his jacket and left.

Eddie raced home and got his cap and gown on. Looking in the mirror Eddie grabbed two photos. One was of him and Dustin on Halloween, Dustin was the scarecrow and he had been the cowardly lion, Lucas had been the tin man. Lucas wasn’t in the photo though because he had been arguing with Erica, she wanted him to take her trick or treating. Mike refused to be in the picture after they had forced him to be the wizard, or rather the man behind the curtain. The other was one he had gotten from Nancy, she had gotten him a picture of Chrissy. Eddie had always loved the idea of being sucked into a fantasy world, going on some great adventure. Though now he had and it seemed so silly to want to do something that caused him so much pain. Eddie liked to think that if Chrissy had befriended him sooner, she could’ve been Dorothy to complete their costumes. But Eddie also wished Chrissy had never met him, maybe then she would have been able to walk the stage herself.

Eddie took off his cap and tucked both photos inside before placing it back on his head. “You and me Henderson,” Eddie whispered to himself before heading towards the school. As Eddie strutted through the front doors of Hawkins High he found himself gathered around with Robin and Nancy. “My sentence is finally up and it only took 1,080 days in this hell hole.” Eddie announced as he wrapped an arm around Nancy and Robin.

Nancy chuckled, “Oh we know Eddie,” They all started walking through the halls to meet the other graduates.

“Yeah, I mean you’ve only told us about 1,080 times” Robin stated with a smile.

Eddie staggered back with his hands on his heart and gasped, “Oh how you wound me!” Robin and Nancy laughed and Steve snuck up behind Eddie.

“Why do you guys always have fun without me?” Steve groaned.

“Because we can’t have any while you’re here,” Robin joked, rolling her eyes. The four of them walked out to the gymnasium. Steve found a seat in the bleachers while the graduates found themselves in the uncomfortable folding chairs arranged in rows before the small stage. Eddie rushed to his seat but Nancy and Robin stood in the aisle. Robin looked into Nancy’s eyes and Nancy grabbed her hand. The two smiled at each other, “Ready to do this?” Robin asked.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Nancy answered, squeezing Robin’s hand, “I’ll see you in a bit,”

“See you,” Robin gave Nancy’s hand a squeeze of her own before they parted ways and found their separate seats. From their seats they couldn’t help but steal glances at the other.

All the talks for graduation were terribly boring but Robin, Eddie, and Steve listened intently to Nancy’s valedictorian speech. It was beautiful as was everything Nancy does, Robin couldn’t help but stare. Her girlfriend was always the brightest star in the galaxy and she deserved recognition for it. Finally, it was time for diplomas to be handed out. Eddie waited more patiently than he ever had in his life, basking in every moment before it was time. 

He strutted up to the stage and snatched his diploma from Principal Higgins. Eddie locked eyes with him and flipped the bird before resuming his strut off stage. The principal stood in shock with his hand still outstretched, waiting for a handshake he would never receive.

The rest of the graduation went on normally and it came time to toss their caps. The grads all went outside, Robin, Nancy, Steve, and Eddie all stood together. Robin and Nancy joined hands and tossed their caps, under the cover of all the green caps they shared a quick kiss before disguising their affection in a hug.

Eddie didn’t toss his cap with the rest, no, he just stared at the cap in his hands for a while. Steve stood next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, “Ed, I think it’s time,” he cooed.

“I know,” Eddie smiled. He looked up towards the sky and tossed the cap, mumbling to himself, “It’s our year, ‘86 baby.” Eddie turned to Steve and gave him a hug. “They grow up so fast,” Eddie started to tear up, “I miss ‘em already”

“Me too Eddie, me too.” Steve said.

Robin and Nancy joined Eddie and Steve, Nancy asked “Ready to go see Mrs. Henderson?”

“Yeah,” Steve replied.

The four of them made their way to the Henderson house. They were greeted by Mrs. Henderson. “Hi Mrs. Henderson, it’s great to see you.” Nancy offered with a smile.

“Oh please, call me Claudia. Come on in, Mike and Will are already inside.” Claudia said. She looked as if she had been crying earlier that day, but now she looked like that just about every day she visited his grave. 

“That’s great. I don’t know if they told you but Lucas isn’t coming,” Nancy stated, “He won’t leave Max’s side, we’ve had to take turns bringing him meals.”

“I understand, he has a connection with that girl. Young love sure is beautiful.” Claudia mused, “Well, I’ve got plenty of food so maybe the boys can bring some over to him after, they’ve probably finished setting the table by now.” Dinner wasn’t terribly awkward, it was filled with sorrow but laughter too. They reminisced about the time they had spent with Dustin, his snarky remarks, and brilliant ideas. They talked about Dustin like he was in the other room, just out of reach. Once they finished eating, Nancy sent Mike and Will with some leftovers to bring for Lucas and El, both refusing to leave Max alone for a second.

The four graduates stayed behind to help clean up. Steve was standing with Claudia, “I’m sorry. Mrs. Henderson, I’m so sorry. I-” Steve started to cry, “I was supposed to protect him, and I didn’t. He’s gone because of me, if I’d been a little more careful. If I had kept him a little closer he’d be eating dinner with us tonight.”

Claudia wrapped Steve in a tight embrace, tears streaming down her own face, doing her best to comfort him. “It wasn’t your fault, no one could’ve predicted the earthquake. There wasn’t anything anyone could have done.” But Steve knew that an earthquake wasn’t what had killed Dustin. He had. When he left Dustin he signed his death certificate. He wondered if she would hate him if she knew the truth, that he had killed her son. Eddie, Robin, and Nancy came back into the room, Claudia and Steve pulled away from each other. “I understand that you are all planning to visit Dusty. His room is still untouched so you can take a look around for anything you might want to bring with you.” Claudia said.

“Thank you so much Mrs. Henderson,” Robin said.

“I’m going to take a quick peak, you guys can head out to the car, I’ll meet you there.” Eddie smiled before walking to Mrs. Henderson, “Thank you for everything.” Eddie walked off to Dustin’s room. As he crossed the threshold he realized that was the second time he had ever been in Dustin’s room. Suzie-poo still had his thinking cap, so Eddie grabbed his Camp Know Where cap and his walkie before meeting everyone else in the car.

When they arrived at the cemetery they all had items to bring him. One by one they all placed the things they had brought on his grave. Robin put down his walkie-talkie and her scoops ahoy hat, Steve left behind his Camp Know Where hat and a small can of Farrah Fawcet spray. Nancy placed down a laminated paper snowflake and a picture of her and Dustin dancing at the Snow Ball. “Don’t worry Dustin, you’re still my favorite, and the best Snow Ball dance partner I’ve ever had.” Nancy whispered, wiping a tear from her cheek. Robin walked up behind Nancy and put an arm around her, she curled into Robin’s arms and they started to walk back to the car.

Steve stood by Eddie’s side as he sat down in front of the grave. Eddie placed a folded up Hellfire club shirt and a small case on the grave. Inside the case was the d20 Erica used to deal the final blow to Vecna, and Eddie’s own pick necklace. He placed a hand on Dustin’s name and stated, “Hey Henderson. I brought you some things, you should have a reminder that you were always fucking metal. I miss you man.” Eddie took a shuddering breath. His fingers traced the cool stone indents of the letters and numbers Dustin’s life had been reduced to. Eddie never forgot the feeling of fighting beside him. Back to back, feeling on top of the world, winning, and then suddenly everything went wrong. Dustin was lying there on the ground, bleeding out and more and more bats swooped down. There was too many, so Eddie did the only thing he could. He ran. He had tried to drag Dustin with him but wasn’t strong enough to still be fast. The most he could manage was luring them away from his body. It wasn’t enough though, when they went back to find him, there was nothing left but flesh and bone.

“There was no shame in running, I shouldn’t have let you convince me to stay. I should’ve hauled ass and got you through that gate, I could’ve held down the fort on my own. It should’ve been me.” Eddie’s whispers got louder as he started to sob, “It should never have been you, I’m sorry Dustin. I should’ve taken better care of my flock.”

Steve dropped down to the ground next to Eddie and just held him. “It’s not your fault Eddie, To paraphrase the words of a wise man, don’t bullshit me.” The two sat there for a long time, letting their eyes run dry. Neither said anything or moved, until Eddie turned to Steve and planted a kiss on his forehead.

“I love you Steve Harrington, thank you for sticking by my side.” Eddie whispered into Steve’s infamous hair.

“I love you too Eddie Munson.” Steve replied.

“I can hear the little man saying ew right now,” Eddie laughed, the two got up and held hands, staring at each other.

“We should get going, Nance and Robin are probably waiting for us.” Steve said, he and Eddie walked down the hill to the car, hand in hand.

Thanks for reading! :)

Hi mutuals, I’m dragging you here because I’m evil >:)

@morbid-longing-picturesque @eatmyshortspurr @ur-favorite-almighty-entity

Thanks mutuals for proof reading and giving me good title ideas :)

[a-cluttered-gordon-freeman]

Unclouded Days, because I'm not an idiot and I definitely remembered this story exists, part 3.

Part 1 | Part 2

"If I wanted to have a family... I'd have it with Alyx... Or Barney... But for right now...."

Gordon looked up from his journal. Taking a glance at his clock, he noted the date and time. 6:37 a.m. on a cold Thursday, April 13.

It had been a whole 2 months since he last visited Alyx and Barney. Gordon could remember the chill of the incoming blizzard as he trudged through the snow, and he remembered the chill coming back home afterwards.

His cabin was a safe haven away from the chaos of the society he helped create. Gordon wanted nothing to do there. He wanted to be by himself, for all too long he had been surrounded by people and he couldn't stand it. He thoroughly enjoyed the moments spent being away from everyone, where he was on his own, doing whatever. Nobody would boss him about. He wouldn't have to fight.

Barney had brought up a good point, but by accident. Gordon had mocked Barney by making such claims as having a family. And with Barney asking if he had one, Gordon spent long nights thinking about it.

No, he didn't have one, but Gordon couldn't deny that he had thought about having one, and having some kids of his own. He was still young enough to, but with whom? Barney would say yes, he and Gordon were always intimate with each other and would be asked constantly at Black Mesa when they'd marry. But it'd rule out children, as niether of them could reproduce with each other. Alyx would be uncertain about getting married, probably, mostly because she didn't know to the fullest what it meant. And niether of them felt a strong attraction towards each other, so would it even be considered a real loving relationship?

Gordon took another look at the clock. 7:15 a.m.. Temperature dropped a few degrees in the cabin. He sighed.

Another night wasted.

Closing the journal, Gordon stood up and stretched before opening the window to let it the sun and some fresh air. He stared outside, some animals crossing in and out of his vision, the leaves from last fall stuck down under the remaining snow. It was cold out, but the kind of cold one craved for in the spring. A nice and peaceful morning with a slight chill, the forestry just now waking up with snow melting around, providing nutrients to the life nearby.

He felt tired. Not unusual, as he lost quite a bit of sleep since that week in February. But Gordon couldn't fall asleep.

It was the entire point of that journal. To write his thoughts until he felt as though he could sleep. Some nights he considered heading back over to Eli and Kliener, maybe chat a bit. But being 40-something miles away would mean he'd arrive there sometime by noon. Other nights he considered working on some projects he laid out. But that would mean Gordon would have to turn on the other lights- all that artificial light would keep him up more than the red-light alarm he used to write in his journal. More often than not Gordon would just sit at his desk, writing away from 8 in the evening to 7 in the morning. The rare nights were when he didn't write in his journal, but instead bathed in the pitch black darkness.

Writing in the journal helped though. Gordon wouldn't have to worry about making sense to anyone, as long as it made enough sense to him. No need to appropriate a sentence, give it structure. It was a place where he could write what he was feeling, with no worry of harming anyone else.

Though sometimes Gordon wished he could actually tell someone, get advice or some help. It would have been useful as hell for him.

To ask for help gave Gordon the feeling of uselessness, a feeling he had been trying to avoid hard. To be told to do a thing gave him a purpose. So he did things that made him feel useful- took care of alien enemies for those that couldn't, provided backup to those who could, saved humanity, rebuilt society. Gordon did it all. There was no way he was going to ask anyone for help. He'd feel guilty as hell.

Gordon decided that he was done thinking such thoughts. And he had also decided that he would relax with a nice, warm shower, taking some time to ease off some stress.

Silence had been filling the lab. It was as if quiet things could become quieter, if it didn't make sound then it would start making other things stop making sound.

Alyx and Barney found it uncomfortable. The silence was deafening, and they could hear their thoughts much too clearly. It also provided a sort of laziness, a feeling of boredom, to the lab. A place once bustling with life and loud noises now only inhabited by two people with nothing better to do that they hadn't done forty times before.

"What if we went out of town for a bit?" Barney broke the silence, startling Alyx, who had been slowly falling asleep.

"What do you mean? To where?" She stretched.

"To Gordon's."

"I don't know, would he even like visitors right now? We have no way of asking him."

"Surprise visit?"

"We can't ask him, Barney! We've got no way to talk to him." Alyx rested her head on the table, letting out a drowsy sigh.

"I know where he lives." Barney said, causing Alyx to look over at him. "He had told me an approximation, he lives east near the giant trees."

"In the shack?"

"Yeah."

"Barney, thats forty miles away. We'd have to start early morning to arrive at his house with some daylight left. And besides, there is no way we'd be able to spend the night there, it has four rooms- a bathroom, a tiny bedroom, a kitchen and a main room."

Silence filled the lab once more. Alyx had a point, it was already too small for one person, much more with three. And there would be no way of confirming with Gordon if they could even get there- if anyone else saw them leave, and it would be a given that many people would see them leave, then Gordon's privacy would be violated by everyone else knowing where he lived.

It'd be rude to arrive uninvited, and unpleasant if he wasn't there or was too busy to let them in.

"Can't you talk to him?" Barney stared at Alyx, who sat up with exhaustion.

"How do you think I would be capable of that?"

"With that weird vort-connection-thingy you two have."

She took a moment to think. "I'm... Not entirely sure. I don't think I can."

"Should we ask a vortigaunt?"

Gordon finished dressing and took a seat on his bed. He was disappointed. His bath hadn't helped to relieve any stress whatsoever, instead he was convinced it added more and made it worse.

Which... Isn't good when you are a sleep-deprived physicist who has just been to a version of hell and back at one moment and wiping the enemy off the face of the planet.

His clock now read 9:00 a.m. exact. He could take a walk around the forest, or maybe cook up something.

Or, instead, he could lay in bed, the window open, the covers over him. Which is what Gordon did.

It made the annoying sleeplessness much worse but one could not deny the relaxing comfort it brought. And slowly, just so slowly, Gordon began to drift off to sleep.

"You can communicate feelings and pain without words, but you cannot talk to the Freeman directly." The vorts had answered, causing a sigh from Alyx and Barney.

"Well, then, fuck how are we supposed to get him now?" Barney huffed.

"We wait until he decides to come over." Alyx replied, getting up to go back to the lab.

"Have either of you decides to meet the Freeman yourselves?" A vort inquired, walking up to Alyx and Barney.

"No." The both of them responded.

"It'd be rude to walk up to his house uninvited, seeing as others could follow us." Alyx look over at the vortigaunts, who gave the appearance of understanding.

The two left the vortigaunts and returned to their eerily quiet lab, where boredom struck again.

Gordon shot up, panting hard. Beads of sweat trailed down his face, his heart and mind racing. He glanced at the clock.

5:21 p.m. on a now warm April 13.

Gordon took a second to calm down. He couldn't remember what had caused him to be so hyped up. Was it a nightmare? Bad memory?

What ever it was, it was gone now. Gordon could be thankful for that at least.

Chest still pounding, Gordon took a second to gain his bearings and calm down. He found it extremely difficult to do such on his own. As a result, he went out on a walk. He found it best to take in the nature, listen to the trees and wildlife.

As much as Gordon would have liked to hunt, a gun would raise back past feelings of fear, anger and pain that the Resonance Cascade and the Uprising caused. He couldn't stand to hold such a weapon nowadays, the only reason he'd have one anymore is for safety purposes. But even then, Gordon would much rather fight with a knife.

Bored with his little house and, unfortunately, the forestry around him, Gordon set out to the lab. It was best for an escape, as he wasn't feeling all that great by himself.

It was daybreak by the time Gordon arrived at White Forest. He had taken some time to visit Eli and Kleiner, and had also gone for a bit of shopping in the main town. Once done with that,he made his way to the lab.

"Hey Barney."

Barney turned around and was greeted by Gordon.

"Gordon?"

"Yeah, I'd hope so. How have things been?"

Barney smiled. "Its been good. And you?"

"...not good." Gordon sighed and looked down a bit. "Haven't been getting good rest."

"Would you like to spend a few more nights here? At the lab with Alyx and I?"

"Yeah... I'd appreciate that thanks..."

Barney took Gordon's hand and led him to the lab, where Alyx greeted them both with an excited smile.

Gordon got set up in his old room again. Sitting upon his bed, he stared at the ceiling in silent contemplation. Closing his eyes, he began to silently cry, for no reason he could find.

When Alyx stepped into the room, she caught a glance of the tired and teary-eyed man. She took that as a moment to sit next to him and offer weak support.

Gordon glanced over to her and wiped off his eyes. "S-sorry..." he muttered weakly, his voice shaky as hell.

Alyx smiled. "No need to be sorry. Just let it all out."

END OF PART 3

---------

Heyo! Its yours true. I need help to try to make it towards the end by offerring your support for the story and reblogging/asking more about it/ messaging me! Rb>likes, and the reblogs offer me more motivation to continue writing the stories, and same would go for my ravenholm comics, that you can read at @returntoravenholm-awgag ! I'd appreciate all the support I can get from anyone! Thank you!

-marc

[pumpkinpiejack]

A couple days ago I sent this ask to @lobotomycastiel and actually ended up writing it. It’s mainly about Dean, Claire, and baby Jack dealing with some of the pain of losing Cas.

You can also read it on AO3.

Three days.

Three days, Dean had been in charge of Jack. Three days since they found him smoldering the blankets on Kelly’s bed, sheets stained with blood. Three days since Dean had picked him up and refused to put him down.

Three days since Dean put Cas’s body on that pyre and watched it burn to nothing but ash and dust.

It stains everything he touches, streaks against Jack's baby pale skin, fingerprints on Sam’s clothes. The taste coating the back of his tongue. He can't escape it, can't drive fast enough to get rid of it. It lingers in the air around him and mocks him for his loss, but he still can’t seem to bring himself to wash it off.

Jack hasn't stopped crying since they lit the pyre. Dean prepared the body himself. He owed this to Cas after everything, to prepare his body right, to make sure his hands were gentle. He carried him out to the pyre too, a baby strapped to his chest, unnaturally quiet in the fading light of the sun.

Dean hadn't been able to finish it. His entire body stood curled around Jack, his face buried in the baby's soft hair as his hands shook so hard he couldn't light the match. He couldn't pour the salt, he couldn't hold the gas can.

His skin felt too tight for his body, like something was trying to escape, an animal in his chest scratching and clawing at the inside of his ribs and everything hurt.

Jack cries and he cries and he cries and Dean is thrown back into every shitty night on the road with Sam as a baby and he can't breathe. He remembers waking up at night to the same sound and curling up in a playpen that was far too small for both him and Sam. He wanted to make it better. He wanted to be able to help and make the crying stop.

But, the only time Jack stops is when Dean holds him and only when it's in a specific way. His tiny cheek needs to be pressed into Dean’s shoulder, just over Cas’s handprint and doesn't that just fucking hurt.

It aches in a whole new way, like he somehow senses Cas there.

The handprint itself has faded over the years. All the times he’s been healed and rebuilt from the inside out, and it is the only thing that remains. A discolored and slightly raised patch of skin that means more to him than any physical object on earth (besides his baby of course).

Three days. Two days to drive home and one day to prepare himself.

Sam made the call. Dean couldn't get Jack to stop crying long enough to do it himself, not without risking waking him up. Even with a day to prepare himself, it still wasn't nearly enough.

When Claire walks in it's like the floor falls out from underneath Dean’s feet. She’s a mess. Her eyes rimmed red, mascara and eyeliner streaking down her face and she looks like she drove straight through the night. Her hands shake, just like his as he hands Jack to Sam.

He holds him awkwardly, his hands too big, too unaccustomed to holding something so fragile. Dean could count the number of times Sam had held Jack on one hand. He couldn't be away from Dean for long or he would start crying, shrill shrieks that shake the very ground they stood on. Cries that cause the glass to rattle in its pane and nearly makes Dean’s ears bleed on more than one occasion.

“You look like a mess.”

“Says you.”

Touché. Dean hasn't slept either, hasn't showered, hasn't eaten. He drove 1,700 miles in two days, a crying baby strapped into his backseat the entire way. He knows he looks like shit. He still has ash smeared across his face, he can't seem to bring himself to wipe it away.

He can't bring himself to be far from Jack, can't stand him crying. He can't look at Jack, his eyes repeatedly drawn to the blue that is so familiar and so foreign all at once. He can't light a match. He can't think about his mom. He can't admit Cas is….

There's a lot he can't do right now.

Claire’s voice is quiet. It’s calm in all the ways that Dean knows that she isn't. He can see the rage boiling under the surface. The sadness, the grief all tangled into a little ball, locked away so deep inside of her that the only place it was visible was her eyes.

She tries to stay strong, but she still looks around as if she’s missing something, because the truth is, she is. She looks around the room searching for the same figure that he does every time he enters a room and they’ll never find it. Not now and never again.

He turns to tell Cas a joke, and he’s not there. He’ll see a blurry image of tan and black out of the corner of his eye and reach out with Jack, a mumbled thank god under his breath, but there’s never anyone there.

He’s just alone as she is, even with three other people in the room.

And then the dam breaks.

“How could you?” Dean keeps looking at her. He owes her that. He looks her in the eye and listens, because he owes her that. He watches as they fill with tears and, god, hers are the same as Jack’s. So similar but not quite right. Almost everything he could ever want and his chest burns.

Cas never cried, even when he was dying on the floor of that barn, black ooze streaming out of his mouth, skin rotting and flaking up the side of his neck, he didn't cry. He just looked at Dean with those blue eyes and told him he loved him, that he loved all of them.

They never got to talk about it.

“You were supposed to keep him safe!” Her voice breaks as she launches herself at him, her fists smacking against his chest, but he can't really feel it. Over and over and over she drives the side of her fist into his chest. Like a little kid throwing a tantrum. He makes no move to stop her, to grab her hands and still them. He just lets her. I owe her this, I deserve this. “You promised me you would keep him safe,” and all at once her anger is gone, washed away with her tears as she leans her head against his chest and she sobs. “How could you?”

Finally, Dean moves. He places a hand on the back of her head, careful of any indication that she didn't want to be touched, but she just leans in farther, collapses into his chest and sobs harder.

She’s so small, so young despite her fiery disposition, he could tuck her perfectly under his chin. Dean remembers feeling on top of the world at her age. Twenty years old and suddenly he could rule the world, tear it all down from the ground up and rebuild it in his own image if he wanted. But here she is, a perfect mirror of him and all he sees is a scared little kid.

He can hear Jack crying in the background, having reached his limit of being away from Dean.

Eventually, she pulls away, shoving him and turning to where Sam is holding Jack uncomfortably. Claire smears her makeup farther down her face. There is still anger in her eyes and part of it scares him. It was the same anger he had held the first time he laid eyes on Jack.

Part of him wanted to leave him there. Part of him wanted to do what he originally planned when he walked into that house gun in hand, but he knows he never would. Jack wasn't a monster. He wasn't anything more than a baby. He cried and screamed and had the tiniest hands and the bluest eyes and even just looking at him made Dean’s heart soften.

Something like that couldn't be a monster anymore than Sam could, or little Bobby John.

So, instead, he scooped Jack up, the baby's skin burning his own, a tiny handprint searing itself onto the skin of his left forearm.

“He looks like Cas.” Claire laughs, but it sounds more like a sob than anything. Jack seems to quiet as she draws closer, his blue eyes widening as he takes her in. He’s so small in Sam's arms, blinking and whimpering as his crying petered down to nothing.

“Yeah he does.” Dean’s voice is rough as he reaches out to take Jack from Sam’s arms.

Sam is looking at the two of them, his eyes flickering between them as if it was a tennis match, a furrow between his brows. He is probably just as confused as Dean is.

Jack doesn't just stop crying. He either cries so much that he passes out or Dean spends hours with him pressed against the last fading remnants of the handprint, humming and rocking him. To see him just fade off while still awake was damn near a miracle.

Claire collapses in one of the chairs around the radar and holds out her arms expectantly.

“Come on, then.” Dean lets out a huff of laughter, or something as close to it as he's gotten since everything. He moves closer with Jack in his arms and slides him into Claire’s. Jack coos and waves his hands around. It's the uncontrolled movements of a newborn, more of a muscle spasm than anything, and Claire snorts out another little laugh as he accidentally smacks her collarbone.

“He’s so calm.” Sam's voice is awed.

Dean is right there with him, Jack isn't crying, he isn't uncomfortable. For the first time, he seems almost happy. He curls closer to her and lets out the tiniest yawn, his eyes crunching closed. Claire looks mesmerized. She gives Jack her fingers and he wraps his whole hand around them.

“I'm staying.” Claire says suddenly, eyes still locked with Jack’s. She can't seem to look away and neither can he.

“Okay.” And it’s as simple as that.

-

Three days. 84 hours, with no more sleep than a cat nap here and there and yet he still couldn’t seem to fall asleep. Every time he tries, he manages to get five steps away from Jack’s bassinet before he starts to scream and he couldn't exactly sleep with the baby on him, not when he could wake up from a nightmare fighting.

So he wanders the bunker. Up and down through the levels, crisscrossing through the hallways. Jack is tucked up against his shoulder like always. The thumb of the handprint brushes against his cheek in the mockery of a caress. He’s whimpering slightly, but at the very least he hasn’t completely started crying yet.

Dean reaches the kitchen only to find it already occupied. Claire is perched on the counter, a beer in one hand and the other wiping away another round of tears. Dean debates leaving her there, but finds that he can’t.

He’s been there more than a handful of times and during each one he was constantly torn between wanting to be left the fuck alone and wanting someone to notice. He wanted someone to realize that he wasn’t doing okay, to sit there with him as he broke apart. He never wanted to talk, didn’t want to cry in front of them, but realizing that someone cared enough to notice his downward spiral always seemed to help in its own fucked up way.

So, Dean pulls the bottle from her loose fingertips and puts on a pot of coffee. Claire makes grabby-hands at him until he relents, handing over Jack who just coos and twines his hands into her leather jacket. Well, Dean’s leather jacket. The same one she had snagged from his closet not too long ago, as if he wouldn’t notice. Jack immediately falls more silent than he’s been all day, his eyes sliding shut with another yawn that is far too big for his tiny body.

She’s so good with him already, her hands gentle as they shush him.

Claire thinks her hands are made for violence, for torture, for killing, for hunting. She thinks that’s all they’ll ever really be good for. She’s a predator, a soldier, made for a war that she didn’t know existed until it ruined her life. But those hands are also for protecting, for comforting, for saving.

She is good, at her core. Gentle and loving and all of Dean and Cas and Sam and Jody and Donna’s good traits all mixed into one girl who stands before him. A better person than he’ll ever be.

She’s stolen his bad traits too, the same way she stole that jacket. Put it on as a layer of protection against the world. It’s too big for her, doesn’t fit quite right, because it’s not hers and it’s not Dean’s either. It was too big for Dean too when he first put it on 20 years ago and he doesn’t know if he ever actually grew into it, or just thinks he did.

Together, they sit, shoulder to shoulder and don't say anything and that’s enough for the both of them. They drink their coffee until they can blame their shaking hands on that and listen to Jack’s even breathing.

Dean doesn’t move, even as Claire rests her head against his shoulder, the same shoulder Jack does, and he feels the tears soak in.

Four days. 96 hours and Jack finally manages to fall asleep without crying.

-

Nine days.

Nine days and he’s barely surviving. He can’t move, he can’t breathe, he can’t exist without something tearing at him from the inside out. But, he continues on anyway.

So many things he can’t do. So many contradictions that have slowly become his life.

Claire and him have a system. They work like a machine, two parts of the same person. They don’t look at each other, they can’t. Dean sees all the ways she looks like Cas, all the ways she looks like him, and she sees all the ways he’s failed her.

But they work together, anyway, for Jack.

And that scares him too.

It’s hard to see her with him and not see himself reflected back. He was a lot younger when he first had to learn how to change a diaper or make a bottle but she’s still too young to have that responsibility thrown onto her.

Claire takes to it like she takes to everything else: a fake grin that he can spot from a mile away and a sly joke.

She pours formula into the bottle and he gets his bath ready and at night they sit together on the counter and they watch over Jack. On the nights they manage to sleep he can hear her sneak into his room and pass out in the chair closest to Jack’s bassinet. Four hours later, he guides her into the bed and takes up her spot.

It never fails to make him feel like shit when she steals Jack’s from his hands. Makes him feel like John.

Dean doesn’t tell Sam this, but he somehow knows, the same way he always does.

Sam looks at him as he looks at Claire and marches up to him with a furrow in his brow and Dean knows that he’s not going to like whatever comes out of Sam’s mouth next.

“Can we talk?”

“No.” Sam gives him a harsh look and grabs his arm, dragging him out of the room anyway, down the hall and around the corner so their voices won’t travel.

“Sam, I said no.” Dean doesn’t even have the strength to pull his arm out of Sam’s grip, he’s just so tired.

“Yeah, well, I don’t care.” Sam leans against the wall across from him, his hands open by his side, his shoulders slouched. “Look at me, Dean, you need to let Claire help you.”

“I have.”

“No you haven’t.” Sam sighs and runs a hand through his hair. Dean really wants to take a pair of clippers to it. “She helps you, but you don’t let her.”

“Well, maybe it’s because it’s not her responsibility.” Dean crosses his arms, feet squared, even as he sways slightly.

“And it’s somehow yours? Dean, we were all friends with Cas.”

Were, were, were. Past tense, always past tense because Cas is gone. He’s not coming back, he’s ash and bone on a beach 20 hours away, and Dean took a shower but he can still somehow taste it on the back of his throat. His burns sting when he moves his hands. The handprint of his forearm reminds him of the one on his shoulder and he can’t breathe.

“Yes.” Dean chokes out. “Yes. He’s my responsibility and I’m not going to push that onto someone else just because I want to drink or sleep or go on a hunt.”

Dean watches as Sam’s entire face goes blank. He shuts down for a moment before coming back to life all at once, like a computer rebooting itself after it’s been overloaded.

“Dean.” It’s Sam’s turn to choke out the word. “Dean you're not dad.” Dean bolts upright and suddenly wants to punch something. He wants to scream and yell and feel the crunch of wood and bone under his feet.

He doesn’t even have the excuse of the Mark of Cain this time. Just his own shitty emotions getting the better of him.

“I’m not talking about this.”

“Yes we are.” Sam catches Dean's sleeve and Dean nearly socks him on principle. “Dean letting people help you isn't bad, that’s what new parents do. Claire isn’t four, she can choose whether she wants to help or not and right now she wants to help. So let her.”

Dean knows. He knows for as much as Claire acts like him, she isn’t him, but it’s hard to divorce the two ideas when he looks at her everyday and sees a mirror.

She’s been getting more frustrated over the week because Dean won’t let her help. She has to push her way through him in order to do anything useful. Dean can’t stop her from staying awake but he can make sure that he gets everything done before she does so she doesn’t have to.

Dean doesn’t want Claire to feel like she needs to help just because she can calm Jack down. She deserves to have her own life. To go out and hunt and have fun if she wants to and not have to take care of a newborn that is needier than most. But no matter what he does, she’s still right there next to him, trying to help in any way she can.

Dean rips his arm out of Sam’s grip and marches back to where Claire is holding a whimpering Jack. His eyes glow gold ever so often, but she just shushes him with a kiss on the forehead.

Claire already loves that kid. Loves him enough that she would put his life before hers. And you know what? Dean can’t even bring himself to blame her when he made the same choice at four.

Dean collapses into the chair next to her and reaches out to grab him.

“Do you want to go get his bottle ready while I try to keep him settled?” The smile she sends his way is worth more than anything.

-

“So I’ve been trying to find out why you two, in particular, calm Jack down so much.” Sam’s voice echoed through the bunker, breaking the suffocating silence they’ve been in for so long. He stares at the two perched in their usual spot on the counter, a single mug of coffee teetering between them, lipstick smears on one side.

They look like shit.

In sync they give him a raised eyebrow. Claire passes Jack over to Dean, the baby snuffling in his sleep, and snatches the coffee cup from his hand. She makes sure to twist it before taking a drink, lining up with the lipstick mark already there.

“Well back when that whole thing happened like four years back, we found out that angels leave a bit of grace behind.”

No.

“And that handprint was a direct tie from soul to grace.”

No.

“I think he’s reacting to Cas’s grace that remains inside of you. He obviously bonded with Cas before he was even born you remember the park as well as I do. It must calm him down, since Cas isn’t-”

Claire bolts up and Dean sees the coffee cup tip in slow motion, spilling down to the floor with a crash. She’s angry.

She’s so fucking angry it’s like looking in a mirror.

Dean can’t even blame her when she leaves. Walks right out of the kitchen and he can hear the front door slam echoing throughout the entire bunker. He’s just as mad. He wants to rage, he wants to throw the mug against the wall, he wants to scream because Cas left.

He left them with a kid and a piece of himself embedded underneath Dean’s skin that he can never get out. And he left.

He’s gone, turned to ash and dust on the wind and never coming back. No begging and pleading and praying will help them this time. It won’t get him back, it won’t get this piece of Cas under his skin out.

All he gets is the shitty consolation prize of a piece of his best friend's soul under his skin and the grief that keeps him on the teetering edge of insanity. All he gets is his family more broken than before and apparently a connection to a twenty year old who would sooner wish him dead than help her.

All he gets is flashes of something familiar out of the corner of his eye that disappears as soon as he turns and a lingering figure standing behind him in the mirror. Dean has stopped reacting to it. He’s stopped spinning wildly at the sight only to find no one there, he finds he can’t take the disappointment, the heartbreak.

But instead, he chases Claire out the front door, because honestly he can’t take another loss. Not right now.

Jack is still in his arms, working himself up into crying as Claire gets further away.

They catch up to her halfway down the road, her shoulders shaking with the force of holding back her sobs.

“Claire, stop.” Dean calls out and she stops walking but doesn’t turn. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” She nearly shouts it, somehow curling in on herself farther. “It’s not okay. It’s always something new and I can’t.”

“Claire-”

“Don’t look at me.” Claire begs and Dean gets it. He does want anyone to see him cry either so he turns around and presses his lips into Jack’s hair.

“I just-” Claire starts and stops like a car sputtering to life and he can hear her growing more frustrated with every breath. “I keep-” Finally she breaks and lunges forward. Dean thinks she’s going to start hitting him again, like the first day she showed up, but she just rests her forehead between his shoulder blades.

“I keep losing everything.” Claire starts. “I lost my dad for a year and then he comes back and I lose him again and this time it’s my fault.” Dean doesn’t interrupt but he wants to tell her it’s okay. That none of this is her fault. That it was his, and Sam’s, and Cas’s but not hers. Never hers. “My dad wanted to protect me so he let Cas in again and now he’s dead and my mom couldn’t even look at me. She blamed me, I could tell. If I had just said no- but, she left too and now she’s dead. And Randy is dead and now Cas is dead too and I keep losing.” She’s sobbing now, her arms tucked up between her chest and Dean’s back. He’s tempted to turn around, but she doesn’t seem to be done.

“Every time I have Jack it’s like suddenly I’m okay, like I’m whole again. I feel like he’s not actually gone, like I’ll turn around and he’ll be there, the stupid look on his face.” She presses closer, and gently knocks her head into his back over and over again. “And now I know it’s not even because of me, I’m not getting better. It’s just this piece of grace still in me that’s making me think that way and I can’t. I just ca-”

“I know.” Dean finally spins and tucks her under his chin. Jack is squished between them, his eyes glowing gold in the fading light of the sun. They’d have to get back inside soon or he’d get cold. But for now, he just holds the two of them close. She tucks herself impossibly closer, her hands gripping the back of his shirt like a lifeline. “Trust me I know. My dad made a deal to protect me and I still haven’t forgiven him to this day, even though I’ve done the same for Sammy more times than I’d like to admit.”

“That guilt never goes away.” He admits, and presses a kiss to the crown of her head. He wishes Charlie where here. She always seemed to know what to do. “You’ll never forget the people who have sacrificed themselves for you. You’ll love them and hate them and want them back and never want to see them again and it’ll always be confusing.”

“Are you trying to make me feel better.” She laughs and it’s one of the best sounds in the world. It makes the knot in Dean’s chest unclench just a fraction so he can laugh back.

“Yeah I am, because we’ll figure it out together. You have us now and if anyone knows about survivors guilt it me and Sam.” Claire let’s out another laugh and Dean presses another kiss to her head before pulling away. “Come on we have to get back inside before it gets too cold for him.” Claire nods and wipes away the majority of her tear tracks before making the same grabby hands she always does.

Dean slides Jack into her arms and pulls her in for another hug.

“Together?” He makes a sweeping gesture back to the bunker and she snorts.

“Together.”

[prinxlyart]

No prob! Even if its just moral I love to support the artists I follow! And I will👍! Now I only have one(two maybe) question left for your Willumity AU: Who would propose first and who would they do it? (And if you allow Boscha to redeem herself in this, what relationship would she have with them?) Take care!

Oof this is a toughie. Hmmmmmmmmm........ I mean, lots of shenanigans would ensue, for sure for sure for sure, but what kind of shenanigans.....

[warning: this is like. Hella long y’all. I’m talking like, super deep dive into Boscha redemption territory. I’m not even kidding, it’s taken me all weekend to write this because there’s so much. I don’t even get into proposals...You’ve been warned]

Okay so!

Boscha sees all the girls have gotten together into one big relationship and is sort of knocked back on her ass. Amity? In a romantic relationship with Half-A-Witch and the Human????? What the fuck happened to that girl?! She’s been at a loss for how to even interact with them ever since a rumor had spread that Luz had gone toe-to-toe with the Emperor. Boscha wasn’t sure she believed that before, but watching her supposed friend of more than half a decade just drop her like she was nothing to go all soft over this human? Maybe Luz did do something impressive enough to garner Amity’s attention.

She would rather die than admit out loud (or even to herself) that she had a crush on Amity. It hurt her so much more than she realized when Amity stopped hanging out with her and it was just driving a stake through her heart when Amity defended them and joined their Grudgby team for that stupid challenge. It took her weeks following that whole fiasco to even look at Amity, let alone talk about her with the rest of her friend group, that by the time she thought she was over it, she looked up and saw her blushing and linking arms with both girls she’d played against Boscha with. Boscha may have broken her locker than day. She refused to say why.

If I’m following all of my narrative speculation threads, I think Skara pulls her aside one day and tells her she needs to calm tf down. Luz and Willow are chill as hell and they don’t deserve the vicious death glares Boscha’s been sending them. I think that’s the final nail in the coffin for Boscha. Her other supposed best friend is turning on her too?? But she isn’t??? Boscha’s head and heart are so confused by all this that she just skips the next day of school. I think she spends the day in the (newly-rebuilt) Treasure Shack just staring at the ceiling and tossing a hackey sack into the air while she blasts music that she doesn’t hear because she’s so deep in her own thoughts. Skara would find her immediately after school let’s out. There’s only one place Boscha would be if she skipped class for a day. Before any of the other teens make their way to the Treasure Shack, they leave so they can talk somewhere more private.

I think they spend a really long time hashing out Boscha’s thoughts and feelings. Skara even feels brave enough to bring up why they’re always so mean to others. There are other ways to prove how awesome you are without actively putting others down. In fact, putting others down to be on top is almost like cheating; you’re not actually proving you’re the best if you’re hindering your competition. Skara knows how awesome and amazing Boscha is and can be, but they spend their time just being mean to everyone else rather than actually showing off their talents. She also mentions how scary powerful Willow actually is and confirms the rumors about Luz taking on the Emperor and living to tell the tale so it’s not like they have no magical ability. Amity might just be rolling with the new most powerful witches at Hexside. Dating them even. And have you seen that illusion track kid in action?? He created some complex illusions during their Grudgby match and that was for funsies. They’re a severely powerful group. And they’re liked by everyone because they’re so kind. They’re revered by their classmates for being so powerful and so nice at the same time, meanwhile they just fear Boscha. They don’t think she’s all that great, but she is powerful enough to kill them if need be, so they just stay out of her way. Boscha hates everything Skara points out but doesn’t deny any of it.

Skara admits she’s been talking with Willow a lot about all of this; she’s definitely apologized for the bullying she’s done in the past and Willow actually accepted it which surprises Boscha. A lot of her insight is a mix of hashing shit out with Willow in the Greenhouse after school and some self reflection at home, but that’s why they all hang out together now. Oh, and she and Amity had a sleepover relatively recently where they decided to start their friendship over. Now they’re actually friends and can say so with a smile because it’s true and it’s not just to appease their parents.

Boscha never thought she’d do this in her life but she just bites the inside of her cheek and does it anyway: she asks Skara for advice. All Skara knows to suggest confidently is to think about how she treats everyone and how that can be changed. She also tells her to think about what she actually wants. Does she want to be the school bully? Or does she actually want to be friends with Amity again? Does she maybe want to find out how cool Luz and Willow are? They’re definitely all a package deal by now and it might be hard to be friends with Amity again after how horribly they’d treated Willow over the years. Boscha spends the entire weekend thinking over everything she talked about with Skara.

The following school week, Boscha is having a hard time getting Willow alone. At least one of her girlfriends is always by her side by the time she can find her between classes. It’s not until after school that Boscha manages to beat both Luz and Amity to the Greenhouse to ask Willow if they can talk. Willow is wary at first, but sees that Boscha has a weird look to her that sets aside and fears of Boscha attempting to pick on her. She noticed that Boscha has barely even looked at her in weeks. So she agrees and they find an empty classroom to talk in privately (Willow lets Amity and Luz know that she’s busy and will meet them later). Willow waits expectantly for Boscha to threaten her or yell at her or whatever else and is shocked (and maybe even scared?) when Boscha finally blurts out her apology. She lets Boscha just ramble her apologies for a while and watches her fumble over her words and her face turn a little red and genuinely doesn’t know how to react. Has the world turned upside down? Is it Opposite Day? Is this some kind of elaborate prank? The tears in Boscha’s eyes suggest that it’s not. Eventually Willow stops her and they just sit in silence for a minute while Willow kind of turns it all over in her head. Boscha’s freaking out because Willow is just standing there watching her and she feels like she’s a bug under a magnifying glass. I think Willow truly doesn’t know what to say and just kinda sighs and picks up her bag to get ready to leave and tells Boscha she just needs to think about everything she said. Because she can’t forgive her, not for the years of ceaseless bullying, but she needs to think about whether or not she’ll even accept her apology. Boscha just kinda nods numbly and Willow leaves and Boscha just sorta melts into the floor from exhaustion and frayed nerves.

I think Willow would ask Skara first about what she thinks of Boscha’s apology; they’re still friends after all, even though Skara’s been hanging out with them more often. Skara’s blown away because she didn’t think the talk they had just the previous Friday afternoon would lead to all that. So now Willow knows the apology is real. She’ll tell her girlfriends next because they’re also directly affected by this and they are also both shell-shocked. Amity is unsure of everything simply because she’s witnessed Boscha’s behavior first-hand for years and this just doesn’t sound like her (Luz agrees, oddly quietly), but Willow confirmed with Skara that it was a real apology. That that was why Boscha wasn’t at school on Friday. I think they’re all at the Owl House while they have this conversation so Eda and Lilith both overhear and throw their two snails in; Eda knows from experience that sometimes bullies are only bullies because they’ve been raised that way. She had some school friends that were pretty nasty before realizing just how nasty they were after the kids they were bullying got into some serious trouble. Lilith confirms the stories and also throws in that, based on her own experience, she may be doing all the wrong things with what she thinks are the right intentions. This gives all three of them something to think about for the rest of the night.

I’d say it takes them roughly the rest of the week to really come to a conclusion. The entire time, Boscha is begging Skara for any updates but Skara isn’t in on that loop. So in the meantime, she asks Skara for help in fixing her behavior during their free time. Boscha came to the conclusion on her own that she doesn’t actually want to be a bully, she just wants to feel acknowledged for her efforts. Skara reprimands her for falling back on bullying tactics when things don’t go the way Boscha wants them to. Their other friends in their friend group pick up on this and are 100% on board with helping Boscha be a better person. They were all too scared to disrupt the flow that they had to call her out before, but now that Boscha’s actually trying to be better?? They’re all in to help her. I don’t think Boscha’s ever felt this kind of support before. Her whole life she’s had friends to back her up when she tooted her own horn, her pack to intimidate by numbers. But now they’re actually wanting to help her? They’re not just sticking around so they themselves don’t become ostracized? Boscha’s never really experienced that before and it makes her feel warm inside. At first she thinks she’s sick but Bo (I think her name is Bo; the light-skinned healing track girl with the freckles that taught Skara that fire-to-ice spell) runs a quick diagnosing spell over her and let’s her know that no, she’s not sick, she’s just experiencing happiness for once. Everyone else laughs, even Boscha after a moment because holy shit, she’s actually happy.

Over the course of that week, our main trio is quietly watching Boscha’s metamorphosis from the sidelines. They’re all confused at first; she really is trying to change? Luz is the first one to get excited though. It’s just like one of her favorite character tropes: bully learns to be nice and is better for it (and maybe falls in love with the person they’ve been bullying). Willow scoffs at that, but she does admit that it’s reassuring to see Boscha actually making the effort. In public too, she’s not trying to hide the fact that she wants to change. Luz, being in all the tracks at Hexside, gets the chance to actually talk to each of the girls in Boscha’s friend group about the whole situation and gets some pretty solid evidence that yes, Boscha’s really making that effort. She reports as much back to her girlfriends and by the time the week ends, Willow’s the one tracking down Boscha by the Potions Hall to take her aside for a chat.

Boscha is scared shitless when Willow asks to talk to her for the first time since Monday but obliges and they find a private place to talk. Willow lets her know that she’s ready to accept her apology and Boscha nearly bursts into tears in relief. She knows that it isn’t forgiveness, but Willow is accepting the fact that she’s trying to change and she is sorry for her past actions. Willow fills her in on all the various (drama? Lack of drama?) chatter about her trying so hard to be nicer from Boscha’s friend group that Boscha actually does start crying at that. She’s so relieved that her friends aren’t doing this as some kind of payback; that they’re actually supporting her with no ulterior motives. They’d have every reason and right to, but they aren’t and Boscha is so relieved to hear as much. Willow doesn’t know if she should try to comfort her or what so they both kind of stand there awkwardly for a minute while Boscha wipes the tears from her face. She thanks Willow for accepting her apology and vows to her (maybe a little too dramatically; it actually makes Willow want to laugh because it reminds her so much of Luz) that she will be a better witch. Not just a better witch to her and her friends, but to everyone. When they part ways for the weekend, they’re both buzzing with giddiness. Boscha, because Willow finally accepted her apology and knew that this was a huge first step in her road to being a better witch. Willow because she knows for certain that Boscha’s giving this her all; and maybe they could even become friends. Skara and Amity did a do-over on their friendship, maybe Boscha’s hoping to do the same.

Shockingly, Boscha actually goes to Luz next by sitting next to her during their shared potions class the following week. She slides her a note asking to speak with her outside of class to which Luz agrees (with a silly doodle of a winky face and a thumbs up that makes Boscha nearly giggle). Boscha apologizes to Luz next for her behavior towards her and much to Boscha’s surprise, Luz not only accepts her apology, but forgives her too. Boscha didn’t even expect that. Luz explains that she hasn’t been on the Boiling Isles long enough to be really affected by Boscha’s past bullying, not like her girlfriends. And she’s super grateful and proud of Boscha for reaching out to Willow first and actually going to the lengths she’s been going to to be a better person. Boscha, not used to praise that she wasn’t fishing for, just blushes and nods. Luz sort of coos at her and comments on how cute she looks when she blushes which only makes her blush harder and start threatening Luz with empty promises of violence if she doesn’t shut up. Luz starts running away, cackling, and calls out to her as she’s leaving that she hopes they can be friends some day soon. Boscha silently agrees and goes home with a goofy smile that won’t leave her face no matter how hard she tries because Luz called her cute. She shoves that thought aside for the time being, just grateful that Luz was so quick to forgive her.

Finally, she approaches Amity. Or rather, she leaves a note in her locker because the Abomination Hall and the Potions Hall are nowhere near each other. At this point, Amity is on the fence about what she wants to do because on the one hand, she was never truly friends with Boscha and she’s not sure if she wants to be. On the other hand, she’s been watching Boscha change over the last week and a half and is actually surprised at how hard she’s working at it. She isn’t surprised by how hard she’s working; Boscha always gives 110% into anything she does, she’s just surprised that she’s working at being nice at all. But between Willow telling them how their chat went on Friday and Luz telling them about their talk on Monday (and Luz mentioning how cute Boscha was when she was red and sputtering her empty threats), she’s at least willing to hear her out. So she stands there and waits for Boscha to start and is actually kind of surprised to see Boscha’s already so pink she’s almost the same shade as her own hair. I think she’s silently patient out of shock more so than any amount of politeness. She’s never seen Boscha....flustered????? Luz was right, it is kind of cute, but now isn’t the time for that.

Boscha kept her conversation with Amity for last because she knew it was the hardest one to have. She had been pushing it aside for the last few weeks now; although she’s finally admitted to herself that she (has/had?) a crush on her. By the time they make it somewhere private, Boscha’s so nervous that she’s almost shaking. And Amity is just standing there, watching her, and saying nothing. That is until Boscha nearly starts crying and Amity finally breaks, if only due to concern. They may not have ever been real friends, but neither of them were heartless either. Amity manages to coax some words out of Boscha through her thick tears and once the words start, they don’t stop. Boscha didn’t mean to admit her crush on Amity to her face, but that sort of slipped out with all her other apologies and explanations. Amity desperately wishes Luz or Willow were there with her because they are so much better at emotional shit than Amity is. Amity does flush when she hears Boscha confess her crush on her and doesn’t really know what to say to that. Boscha had a crush on her? This whole time? She had a crush on the Amity from before she met Luz???? Amity considered herself an entirely different person from who she was before she met Luz. To think that Boscha’s quietly been harboring feelings for her all that time? Even before that time?? It’s flattering to say the least, but she definitely has mixed feelings about it. She didn’t like who she was before she met Luz. It’s hard to imagine someone else liking her.

Their conversation takes a long time to really hash out. They have a long history to sort out; sorting out Boscha’s feelings and identifying instances where they were horrible to other witches and how it wasn’t okay. There’s so many things that need to be figured out between the two of them. I think Boscha remembers what Skara had done and offers they have a sleepover to really try to start their friendship over. But I don’t think Amity is actually comfortable with that yet. Not due to Boscha’s crush on her or anything, just because it’s a different situation than it was with Skara. There would be a lot more to cover than just learning about what sort of music the other likes. And Boscha is definitely crushed on the inside, but just accepts it because she knows it’s a lot. I think after a while they both leave with the promise that they’ll continue this conversation later; Amity just needs to consult her girls first. She really doesn’t know how to handle all this and needs to just kinda decompress with her girlfriends and sort out all of her thoughts. Boscha agrees; they both have each other’s scroll contacts still, so they can reach out to each other whenever they’re ready to continue that conversation.

I think Willow and Luz would find it adorable that Boscha has/had a crush on Amity (which only makes Amity blush and chide them for not focusing on the subject at hand). Luz is super excited about Boscha trying to make amends all over the place. She’s even watched her between classes go out of her way to apologize to others too, so it’s not just them she’s trying to make amends with. Boscha always has one of her friends with her when she does this, but mostly as support or to remind her to not use bullying tactics or words when she’s trying to apologize. There’s been a low buzz of rumors going on about it too, Boscha’s strange change of heart has captured the attention of most students. Amity still isn’t sure how to feel about the whole situation though. There’s less to apologize for between them and more just explaining themselves. Why they never held each other accountable for their shitty behavior, why Amity seemed to just tolerate Boscha’s existence while Boscha silently harbored a crush on her; there was less in terms of wrong doings between the two of them and more just laying their cards on the table. I think Luz would be the one to suggest she go through with the slumber party, but maybe also have Skara join them as a sort of mediator. Willow is also hesitant; she doesn’t want to encourage her girlfriend to venture into something that makes her so uncomfortable, but she agrees with Luz that they need to clear the air between them. She admits that having Skara there would actually help a lot with that; Skara seeking Willow out on her own terms to apologize to Willow and talking with her so openly gave Willow more than enough reason to trust her with Amity’s feelings, especially after they reconciled their own friendship.

I actually don’t know what sort of history those girls have, but I’ve actually been in Amity’s place before. I’ve tolerated the existence of a person who developed a crush on me and it was....awkward at best. This person didn’t try to be a better person in the time that I knew them though. They just kept making excuses for their shitty behavior, so I’m genuinely not sure how this would all play out. I think having Skara join them for this weekend-long feelings jam certainly helps things along; she knows when to push them to tell the truth and when to sit back and let them take their time. I think by the coming school week (we’re what, in week 3 of Boscha’s redemption arc by now??? Almost a whole month of this emotional vulnerability??? How exhausting), they do manage to find a stable ground to start rebuilding their friendship. It takes a while, and I think Boscha’s nervous about it at first, mostly due to Willow’s near-constant presence around Amity, but Luz’s just. Sheer determination to befriend Boscha and integrate her into their ever-growing friend group both encourages Boscha and softens Willow’s stiffness in her presence.

Oofa doofa, I don’t even know how long it would take before any of them truly catch feelings RE: Boscha. I think Luz picks up on Boscha’s nervousness around Willow first and teases Boscha about it when they’re alone. And Willow and Amity do agree, Boscha is very cute when she blushes hard enough to match the color of her hair. It’s also fun to watch her freak out and turn into just one big pink blob hissing obscenities at a cackling Luz. I think Luz might get caught up in her fiction character tropes a little too much before she realizes she’s not taking Willow’s feelings into account (not so much that it causes damage; they’ve probably been dating for months now by this time). Luz would have to ask Willow how she felt about Boscha overall and Willow I think....would be unsure for a very long time. I think eventually, long after Boscha’s been fully integrated into their friend group and she’s actually seen who Boscha is when she’s a good friend and not a bully, does Willow begin to feel the inklings of feelings sneaking into her heart. Amity is in a similar boat as Willow, but neither make their feelings known for quite some time. They’re happy with their little triad relationship; they’re not sure what it would mean to include Boscha when they were still so unsure of their feelings.

Luz is so full of love she literally radiates it and it’s contagious. I don’t even thunk she realizes she’s developed a fondness for Boscha until several months after they’ve become friends. Besides, she’s far too busy teasing Boscha about her crush on Willow and Amity to realize how much Boscha also seems to blush around her. I don’t think she gets it until one day Boscha just shoves something in her hands and stalks off to class and when Luz looks at what she gave her, she just kinda gasps. Because Boscha definitely gave her a note that just reads “I like you too, you idiot”. Luz just runs to Willow and Amity and shows them the note and they all three call an emergency girlfriend meeting to sort out what exactly they want to do about this whole situation. Polyamory is hard because it requires so much mindfulness of everyone involved. But they all manage to admit that they’ve been harboring some softer feelings for Boscha and decide to test those waters. And maybe have a little fun with those tests as they do so. They maaaaayybbeee make it a competition to see who can make Boscha blush the hardest. They can all be quite competitive.

Boscha suddenly finds herself at the center of a Willumity Flirt-Off that she was NOT prepared for and doesn’t know how to handle it. All three of them are suddenly winking at her when she catches them looking at her, or maybe sitting way too close at lunch, or even just complimenting her when she doesn’t expect it and she nearly passes out from the attention. I think there’s a moment when she actually walks into a door when the girls realize they’re maybe taking this too far and apologize to Boscha before asking her if she wants to try being in their relationship with them. And I think Boscha does pass out at that.

I think it’s a tough adjustment period for them all. Balancing the four of them takes a lot time and fine-tuning to get it right. Boscha’s still just bewildered that she’s come so far with each of them enough to actually be in a relationship with each of them equally. There’s definitely some jealousy here and there, some old fears of being left behind cropping up, but all of those worries are thoroughly stamped out once they’re addressed. I think they all try very hard to get this to work and they do make it work. Boscha forever considers it the most dramatic year of her life.

I literally cannot even begin to get into proposals this is far too long already but thank you so much for sticking around if you’ve made it this far!!!!! This one in particular got hella long because there were so many moving parts @-@

I’ll be the first to admit: I’ve never been in a polyamorous relationship myself (I’ve never had any polyamorous partners before ;v;). I do know how important communication and establishing individual relationships can be though. It’s always so important to make sure that you and your partners are on the same page before doing anything that can dramatically affect your relationship. Consulting individuals within the relationship is also important. Just because you’re in a group doesn’t mean your relationship with each individual is any less important.

Ngl, this was also kind of hard for me to write because I truly don’t know what Boscha’s like when she’s not a bully. We haven’t seen that much of her character outside of her being a bully that thrives on fear and praise. She could very well be just as much an over dramatic dork as Luz. I don’t even think she knows; she’s been a bully her whole life. What is your personality like when you realize you don’t have to be a bully??? Idk, but that’s why this took me all weekend to write; I really don’t know how Boscha is outside of being a bully. Hopefully we get to see who she is in season 2!!!!!

[atqh16]

Take My Hand (Say You Need Me Still)

A Daredevil Fic (Matt/Foggy, Girl!Foggy. Pre-Slash)

Summary  : Look, getting shot is just the New York experience. You haven’t lived  unless you’ve been held at gunpoint at least once. And if you save  someone doing it? Hey, bonus!

First Chapter: AO3

 “I had to exist without you”,

*

*

*

Foggy had whispered those words as if in a trance. Face turned towards the sky as if speaking to no one in particular. Her words had been unprompted. They had been simply been enjoying each other’s company that day after a long work week and a chance to relax at a barbeque courtesy of Luke and Claire.

It was a month after Fisk and 7 before the incident at the police station. Matt remembers the both of them lying on a mattress futon and a pile of duvets on the roof of Colleens Dojo. Foggys tone had been soft but Matt was so focused on her that it was enough to drown out the other sounds around them. Luke and Danny laughing where they were manning the barbeque grill. Misty and Karen comparing notes on Jessica’s recent client which she didn’t appreciate but didn’t seem to mind enough to make them stop as she nursed her Jack Daniels on the edge of their conversation. Misty talking sports of all things with Colleen who was wholly and very competitively invested in the New York Yankees.

But they had all turned into peripheral noise to Matt. He had pushed himself up. Fully turned his body towards her. Something Matt didn’t really have to do since there was no visual component in his interactions with the people around him but Foggy had always appreciated the gesture. A sign of assurance from her best friend that his attention was completely and undividedly on her. For her. She’s always been proud of herself for being able garner that kind of reaction from him.

But at that moment Foggy herself had seemed distracted. Even without being able to see it, Matt could tell that her eyes weren’t directed at him. She felt distant. Sounded distant. A mirror of what Matt had been feeling ever since he came back.

He hadn’t really understood why at the time. After all he’d gotten everything he ever wanted. Even more. His firm, his partner, his identity and most importantly his friends. Not just Karen and Foggy. His best friend had made sure of that when she dragged him to Jessica’s place and sat outside her office slash apartment door while Jess tore Matt a new one over what he’d done and proceeded to throw him out with a door slam so hard the glass panel shook.

That night Jessica called his burner later telling him to meet her on a roof top (What is it with roof tops?) because she needed his ears and to quote her “You owe me. Your ass better be here in an hour”.

Matt was there before the hour was up with 20 minutes to spare.

“Fucking Boy scout”, Jess had muttered under her breath but Matt smiled and tossed her a brand-new grey scarf.

“It’s the cheapest one at Walmarts”, he had said but the softness of the material and the tag said otherwise.

Matt hadn’t needed prompting to show up on Luke’s apartment door next and meeting Danny at the Dojo where the millionaire had proceeded to wipe the floor with him in hand to hand.

“I let you win”, Matt had panted, trying to catch his breath.

“Keep telling yourself that”, Danny sniped back, though there was no heat in his words, as he threw him a water bottle.

Matt woke up the next day sore, bruised and unable to wipe the grin off his face when he showed up at the office that morning to an array of extremely expensive looking bouquets congratulating their re-opening and heavily perfumed because Danny Rand is a passive aggressive dick.

But it also came with a 6 digit cheque from Rand Industries so none of them were about to complain. “A gift, from Rand Industries to the Firm of Nelson and Murdock. To hopefully new and better beginnings” was written on the envelope it came with.

Matt wished it had been as easy with Foggy. Not that either of them had given any resistance in efforts of reconciliation. But there were no ‘How To’s’ they could follow telling them exactly how to do that. No guidebooks detailing the steps needed to take to rebuild a bond that had gone through so much. The awkward bubble between them seemed to only grow more and more, stretched thin and fragile and so vulnerable to the slightest touch.

Until that night when after a few bottles of beers and a feeling of relaxed contentment that only came with a full stomach, Foggy whispered her confession as if asking for contrition.

Her words, though morose, held no acrimonious judgment. But the vestige of pain in them was bare and it had twisted Matt’s insides to hear it. It was such a simple phrase but it held so much and he knew instantly that it had been something she’d been keeping quiet. Out of shame, thinking that it was something she didn’t have a right to feel. Afraid that it might make Matt more distant.

But it was an admittance that Matt had realized he needed to hear. An honest fearless truth that was not spoken to condemn but instead a plea for him to understand where she stood. For him to know she was still bearing pain that she herself found difficult to admit. So afraid that Matt would recoil from her for it. But how could he. How could he punish such fearlessness when he knows how much he had taken from Foggy?

Both of them had made mistakes, but Foggy had been so patient. Matt had already taken and asked so much from Foggy who still tried his best to welcome him back with open arms. But Foggy had never been one to tip toe around Matt about anything. A habit that could be aggravating at times but it was always a cost he had been willing to pay for the intimacy that was brought forward from it.

And this was Foggy begging Matt to have that chance for intimacy again. As if she didn’t deserve to ask for it and it was a failure on Matts part that Foggy would harbour such hesitation.

Even through all his secrets and fear, Foggys openness about where she stood in regards to Matt had always been a beacon for him. A guide to teach him how to be a friend. Lessons he’d been deprived off the second his dad died. Matt had cast out the hope of ever achieving such a relationship. Already given up early on at the thought that he could ever receive the kind of easiness that Foggy offered and it was a miracle for him that she did. A miracle that they had met in Columbia and a miracle that through all Foggys annoying habits, that he’d been open to give her a chance. A choice that he would never have made if Foggy had been anything less than who she was. She in of itself was a miracle to him and Matt was deeply torn that he had made Foggy ever feel otherwise.

 “I had only ever wanted a friend”

Foggys words from the night of their huge fight came back to him and while it might have been said in less than stellar circumstances, he knows even then that it had rung with truth. Foggy had never asked for anything more. How could he have failed to give her something so simple.

After a while Foggy finally turns her face towards Matt. He tastes salt in the air but doesn’t move to address it because he needs to focus right now. To really listen and conscientious, to what Foggy was trying to say. A lack in communication had after all been their downfall. Too much resentment over kept secrets and rancorous unspoken anger.

But there’s none of that hanging in between them now. Instead, Matt heard what wasn’t spoken loud and clear.

 “Don’t leave. Don’t make me go through that again. Stay. Here, with me”

Matt doesn’t think there’s anything he can say that could live up as an answer to that so instead he creeps his hand forward to grasp Foggys in a sincere hope that his own words would ring with the same vulnerable truth that Foggy had offered.

  “I’ll try”

*

Things had gotten better afterward. The honesty Foggy openly shows was an invitation for Matt to do the same. Not a demand and Matt will forever be grateful for that. But even so Matt still walks on eggshells at first. Not knowing what he was allowed to reveal. What was welcomed and what was not. Foggy like always, had put Matt at ease the way she always could.

It starts with an open invite to a home cooked dinner where Foggy made it clear that she wanted to know more about Matt’s abilities.

 “If you want that last brownie you’re gonna have to impress me Murdock and for extra motivation, it’s a corner piece”

 Matt had laughed, “I’m not sure what you’re asking here Nelson. I’m not sure I want to. The last time you gave me a dare I ended up doing the chicken dance in the college cafeteria”

 “Boohoo, you deserved it after that stunt you pulled with the waffle incident. I’ve still got the burn marks to prove it. Now enough excuses and man up Murdock”

The banter might have sounded harsh to a stranger’s ears but it held such a familiarity that Matt rejoiced every second and every word. But despite all that he was still so scared to ruin what they were trying to rebuilt. Scared to run Foggy off with ‘too much’.

Foggy had again, nudged him into it gingerly and with such patience that Matt hadn’t found it in him to deny her.

She asked him to talk about what he could taste in the food she’s cooked. At first Matt was afraid to criticize but Foggy had started doing so herself. Once after a dinner Chicken Paprikash of all things, she asked if Matt sensed the yoghurt that used was close to getting bad. Matt tentatively had noted that it wasn’t rancid but it was definitely way past its prime days. Foggy wasn’t annoyed, instead she breaks the tension and laughing, jabbing about how horrible some parts about Matts senses must be. About the embarrassing things he’s had to endure.

To Matt’s surprise, the topic of his abilities became a favourite thing to talk about whenever they spent time together.

 “Are you saying everytime I found you staring into space in your room it was because you got contact high from your stoner neighbour 5 rooms away from your dorm?”

 Matt had groaned and dropped his forehead onto his folded arms in embarrassment. It was enough of an answer Foggy needed.

 “Oh my God, you turned them in! Matthew Michael Murdock you tattle tale”

 “It wouldn’t be such a problem if they didn’t get stoned every night. It was barely a secret anyway. The corridor reeked from it and personally I think I did a public service”

 “Did you snitch on me bringing snacks into the library too?”

 “No Foggy, that was all the crumbs you didn’t bother cleaning off your dress everytime we passed the librarian. She could probably smell the Cheeto dust on your fingers a mile away”

 “I knew it! You threw away my Cheetos stash didn’t you!”                              

 “They’re like cheese dust bombs! They were more chemicals than actual food. I did you a favour”

 “And here I was thinking Tanya was stealing them from my bag during civics”

 “The girl who sat beside you? Oh, she stole food from you all the time. You left your bag unzipped, it was inevitable”

 “And you never told me?!?!”

 “Most of the things you had in there were junk food. It’s no wonder you were on a sugar high all the time”

 “In my defence, Redbull and Twinkies are a perfectly good way to combat law school stress”

 “Oh god the Twinkies!”

 “Don’t you dare go after Twinkies!”

Just like that the tension brought from the elephant in the room that was Matts powers was broken. Foggy made a game out of Matt trying to guess all the ingredients she’s used on nights that she cooked. Matt had initially protested on the unfairness of it all but eventually stepped up to the challenge cause he’s a competitive bastard and Foggy knows it.

 “How am I supposed to know what kind of nuts you used in the Pad Thai??? I can barely afford anything other than ground nuts”

 “Excuses. You haven’t suggested anything else either”

 “I know you used Italian basil instead of Thai”

 “Whats the difference?”

 “Thai basil has a sharper taste”

 “And more expensive”

 “Authenticity is important. We don’t want to get sued for cultural appropriation and all”

 “Oh look at me, I’m Matt Murdock and I can only eat fancy organic Thai Basil”

 “It doesn’t matter, I won. Now give me my brownie Nelson!”

 “Bite me Murdock!”

Matt won 9 times out of 10. The game was rigged and they both knew it but they usually ended up splitting the last piece of whatever dessert they had for the night anyway so it was never really about winning. Not for either of them anyway. On nights when there were no sugary delicacies waiting for them after their meal, if Matt won, he got to pick what they did after dinner. Watch a show, listen to an audio-book, play games before he had to leave for the night for patrol. Foggy never complained except for an over exaggerated whine or two at Matts predictability.

It’s fun, intimate. They don’t just focus on the fun stuff either. Matt had wanted to get even more intimate. He was tired of carrying all his secrets and for once he was the one who took the leap to trust that foggy wouldn’t run.

So, one night Matt finds himself stumbling into Foggys apartment after patrol. It was closer and he had a concussion. He was surprised when Foggy didn’t freak out like he expected and actually knew how to handle the situation. Like she’d prepared for it. She got some lessons from Claire who owed her for helping Luke. She doesn’t talk about when she started doing it or why. Matt didn’t know if he was ready to hear the answer either.

 “You know, I could always keep my window unlocked. If you ever… ya know, need to come over”

 “I don’t want to wake you”

 “I always sleep late anyway and besides; I’d rather know you have somewhere to go if you need to then........”, Foggy trails off but Matt doesnt need to be a psychic to know where her thoughts had went.

 “I don’t want to make thing’s hard for you", he says back and they both know he didnt just mean waking her up late.

 “Matt, I want to.”, Foggy had said, firmly as she smoothed the Arnica cream over his newest bruise.

Her heart had beaten with a steady thud of truth, truth, truth.

It was comforting to know that Foggy wasn’t soaked in fear and disapproval the way she used to be before, and he did come over sometimes. Once or twice a week to get his ribs bandaged properly when they were bruised or some cuts stitched. Matt can tell Foggy’s nervous and queasy about the stitching but she soldiers on anyway and it reminds him of Maggie telling him how she had done the same for his dad when they were together and the similitude makes a roll of warmth coil around his insides like a soothing balm. It feels right.

He realizes when he gets home as is drifting off to sleep, that it’s not something he’s ever had with Elektra either.

 “Foggy, I need to tell you something”

 “Hmmm?”

 “About midland circle”

 “Matt-”

 “I need you to know, why I stayed. Why I didn’t try to come back.”

 “Matt, you don’t-“

 “Foggy please. I need to do this”

 “Ok Matty. Fire away"

 “It wasn’t about you, or Karen. Maybe that’s hard to believe. I’m not gonna lie and say it wasn’t selfish of me because it was. I hurt you. You gave me the suit and you trusted me and I let you down. But you have to know Foggy, it wasn’t because of you”

 Matt had ducked his head in shame

 “Truth is I wasn’t thinking about anything else at that moment. I’m impulsive, we both know that. You’ve always known that. I was so overwhelmed by the fact that she was alive that I-“

 He gulped.

 “Did I tell you how she died? The first time?”

 “No”

 “It was because of me. She took a knife to the chest for me and she died in my arms and it was my fault Foggy. It was my fault. The worst part is, she’d told me beforehand that she wanted to stay with me. She wanted to try and she died in my arms because of me. I heard her heartbeat stop and it was because of me and I couldn’t… I couldn’t move Foggy."

 He remembers feeling his eyes water, struggling to keep them from flowing into streams down his cheeks. But he couldn’t stop the way his voice choked.

 “And I heard her heart beat that day when I found out she was alive. The way she moved, the familiar scent of her and how warm she was whennever she was close. She was so alive and I was desperate to save her this time. When she refused to leave Midland, I couldn’t leave her behind. I couldn’t leave her alone. I couldn’t let her die because I couldn’t save her for the second time. I couldn’t foggy. Everything was falling apart around us but I held her and she was so alive. I couldn’t let that go. I’m sorry Foggy. I’m sorry I hurt you. But I can’t be sorry for staying with her”

 “Matt I’m not angry”

 He’d perked up at that.

 “I mean I was initially. Went through all 5 stages of grief. Thought a lot about beating you up if I ever saw you again. Blamed myself for letting you go. For not giving you a stronger reason to stay-”

 “Foggy-”

 “I understand why you did it now. But back then all I could think about was how you’d left me. You broke your promise and you left us and I kept having nightmares of how you were probably still alive and had just fucked off to god knows where with her. It took me too long to realize I’d rather you were alive then dead even if you had”

 “You had a right to say no when I asked for help. I stole your wallet. I took advantage of you the second I saw you again. It was a dick move on my part”

 “Oh, trust me, it definitely was and I’m not gonna let you forget that for a very long time. You owe me so many favors. But I got you back Matt. I’d asked for only one thing ever since I lost you and I got you back. How could I turn my back on that? You’re so good Matt. I know you don’t believe it but you are. Even if I was pissed, I knew you were doing things for a good reason. I knew it was because you were helping people and I’m a damned lowlife if I even thought of turning my back on that. I’m not angry at you Matt. You’re my best friend. I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not gonna stomp off again if we get into another huge fight. But I can promise I’ll always try to come back. Maybe it’s not right for me to ask you to trust that. I know enough about your past to know that’s not an easy thing for you to do……...”

 “You’re the one person I trust the most, Foggy”

 “Karen-”

 “- is a good friend. But she hasn’t stuck around and followed me into making stupid decisions for the past ten years of my life. If there’s anything I regret, it’s not trusting you with my secrets. For hurting you with them. If there’s anything I’d redo it would be that”

 “We don’t know if I would’ve been open to accepting that back then. Heck, I don’t even know what I would’ve done if you did tell me. You had good reason to worry”

 “After everything, I should’ve taken the chance. There’s no one I trust more in this a world than you Foggy. Maybe that’s hard to believe considering how many promises I’ve broken. But I’m going to do everything I can to keep this one"

 “…… Thank you, Matt”

It had taken everything in him to admit it, but after all they’d been through. After all Foggy had given him. Foggy had earned the right to it. That part of him. He expects to feel fragile and small afterwards but instead he feels lighted. Just like before, it felt right. This was the path they were destined to be on. The path they both have worked hard for. Foggy had returned his vulnerable revelation by sidling up to him. Intertwining their fingers and leaning to the side to place a soft peck on his temple. Matt couldn’t find it in him to pull away. They stayed that way in silent comfort until they’d both nodded off. Her head fitted to the crook of his neck and Matt’s own resting on hers.

Matt had woken up first the next morning to Foggys head on his lap. A soft and unladylike snore whistling pass her lips and he remembers how it had annoyed him to no end through their first year of law school, on nights when Foggy had fallen asleep from exhaustion on Matt’s bed after a night of unending studying with him in his room. But after a while it had become a familiar comfort, accompanied by the beating thrum in her chest. An unexpected lullaby especially on nights when both of them were overwhelmed. Matt had a single room and Foggys roommate was never around, preferring to stay at her boyfriend’s place most nights. They switched between each other’s room every other night, more and more often but it never felt invasive.

Matt hopes Foggy knows how important her presence had been for him at the time.

He hadn’t attempted to wake her up that morning from her peaceful slumber even as his legs felt numb from the weight. Instead, and he stupidly hadn’t realized why he’d done it at the time, he found himself gliding his knuckles on her cheek, realizing in that moment how long it had been since they’d been this close. How much he had missed it. Touch starved in a way he hadn’t felt in a long while since they met.

This progress, this newly attained intimacy doesn’t stop. There is a relief in being able to talk to his best friend again about every part of him that he had always feared she wouldn’t accept. Not just about the heavy, things either. Even the small, minute, careless details.

To Foggys credit, she bares herself raw the same way he does.

 “How did you get so good at cooking?”

 “I take offence to that. I was always a talented cook”

 “Pancakes and grilled cheese sandwiches maybe.”

 “Hardy har. And you can boil an egg, good for you.”

 “Seriously, curry noodles? I didn’t think you even knew where the spice section was”

 “It was… it was actually after Midland. I couldn’t sleep sometimes and I’d stay up watching cooking channels and I gave in and just started actually making them myself. I started small but I got used to handling things after a while. It was actually… therapeutic”

 “Foggy…. I-“

 “Matt stop, seriously. I meant what I said. I’d rather have a life with you and all the adrenaline fueled bullshit, then a quiet life without you. Always. So, don’t worry, ok? We’re good. I promise”, Foggy had ended her little speech by reaching out to tap her fingers in a comforting rhythm on his knuckles and Matt had asked himself for the hundredth time since he got back, what he’d done to deserve such loyalty.

 “Also you’re washing the dishes and paying for lunch tomorrow”

 Matt had let out a burst of laughter, “Haven’t I been paying for lunch anyway?”

 “And you’ll keep paying for lunch until further notice. Besides, you’re getting a free home-cooked dinner almost every other night so I’m not going to hear a peep out of you”

 He’d raised his hands in a mollifying gesture, “No arguments here”

 “And none of that healthy stuff too”

 “Damn"

The catholic part of him that latched on to guilt too close, wasn’t satisfied. Not even close. He’d done too much, made too many mistakes. He didn’t deserve what Foggy and even Karen for that matter, were giving him. A step onto green grass that promised him sanity in exchange for something as simple as him pulling down his walls for them. To not push them away. And if that’s what Foggy asked for then Matt was going to teach himself to give it to her, even as he he itched from old habits to pull back behind said walls.

It takes 6 months for them to go through all the unsaid baggage that had been floating in the water like leftovers from crash created by their past mistakes. But at the end of it all, Foggy poked her head into his office again and told him to hurry up if he wanted her to do any actual cooking.

 “I feel like I’m being sabotaged”,

 “You don’t need me to do that”

 “Well, that’s not very helpful”

 “I mean, I didn’t tell you to try make dinner rolls from scratch, did I?”, Matt had said with a tone of faux pettiness.

 “That was not my fault! I didn’t know cats could smell the yeast all the way from the alley! Ruined a perfectly batch of dough. I spent 20 minutes kneading!”

 “I told you to close the window. Fair is fair, I didn’t know cats liked yeast either, I’ll give you that. So, what’s on the menu tonight?”

 “Well, you made Italian last week and I’ve been exchanging gossip with Mrs Yong for a while now….”

 “Getting tips from your Vietnamese neighbour is cheating”

 “Do you want to eat or not?”

 “I’m guessing Pad Thai?”

 “Couldn’t afford your oh so expensive cashews that you just have to have. Its Pho!! We are having Pho tonight! I spent 6 hours simmering a potful when I was going through the Jenner case last week and now, I’ve got enough frozen pho in my freezer to serve 8! I mean, I did have enough for 8. It’s more like 3 now. Maybe 3 and a half”

 “Is that what you were passing to Karen and Mrs Adli yesterday?”

 “Karen needs to eat more if she keeps spending her nights consorting with Jessica Jones. God knows what diet Jones is on. I gave Karen extra to pass to her so hopefully she’ll see it as incentive to keep giving us tips. We definitely can’t afford her”

 “I’m sure you can charm a few more favours out of her. And Mrs Adli?”

 “Oh yeah, her kids sick were with the flu and from what Mrs Yong told me, Pho has magical healing powers that can beat chicken soup any day”

 “You didn’t eat the rest, did you?”

“Boo hoo, shame on you. Unlike you, I know how to bribe our friends. I gave some to Claire and Brett. He looked like I was trying to poison him”  

 “To be fair you did once”

 “I was 5! He wanted to play Mommies and Daddies and I might have been overzealous about preparing dinner”

 “You know if he finds out you told me he’ll have you thrown in Rykers himself”

 “Which is why if you want any of that Pho yourself, you’ll keep yourself quiet you dick”

The air between them had turned so light and easy. Every morning Matt woke up beaming with joy at the simple thought of being able to just be with her so close throughout his day and every night he was lulled to sleep by the memories left from it.

There were no more walls. No more fear or doubt. Not with her. Not anymore.

  “I went to see Maggie today.”  

“Yeah? How is she? I haven’t met her yet”  

“She’s fine. She wanted to wish me Happy Birthday”  

“That sounds nice”  

 “Yeah……. She gave me her ring. The one my dad gave her. It was one of the few things she had from my dad and she wanted me to have it”

 Foggy had stayed silent for a moment before responding, “That was nice of her”

 “Yeah. It’s nothing fancy. Doesn’t have a diamond or anything. It’s just a smooth gold band. But she said my dad saved up for months to get it. It sounds just like him. She wanted to talk with me a bit longer but I just…. Couldn’t. I think I hurt her feelings when I left”

 “You don’t owe her anything Matt.”

 “It was rude”

 “Matt, hey, I need you to listen ok. I need you to listen to my heart. Are you listening?”

 Matt remembered how his throat had tightened so he had just nodded to the question.

 “I love you Matt. You’re my best friend. I will always love you. But you need to know, hey, listen buddy. You need to know that you never have to earn that from me. Not from me, not from Maggie, not from Stick, not from anybody”

 “I could’ve tried harder”

 “You shouldn’t have had to. You were just a kid”

 “Didn’t stop them from leaving”

 “And it was their fault, not yours. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

 “I’d asked them to make it stop.”

 “What?”

 “It was after Midland. There were two guys, trying to hijack a car. I couldn’t beat them so I asked them to make it stop. To just.. end it.... end me. It was so pathetic Foggy-”

 Mat hadn’t realized she’d moved from her seat until her arms were around him. Her grasp was gentle but Matt got the feeling that hell or heaven couldn’t tear her away no matter how hard they tried.

 She was on her knees beside him where he was sitting on the couch. One hand pulling his body to her chest and the other caressing the side of his head. Nose buried in his hair, whispering softly, “No Matty, no. Never. God, you’re so good Matt. So brave. So strong. It’s ok to not be sometimes. I’m here. I promise. I’m right here”

 For some reason, Matt had let out a startled laugh but he had felt something wet streaming down his face and suddenly he was choking on sobs. His own arms folded around her middle and he lets go. Lets himself sink into her, head buried into her shoulder, not thinking even for a second that it would be enough to cover up how loudly he was crying. But Foggy hadn’t said a word. Once upon a time he might have felt indignant at the idea of being so vulnerable with someone like that. He hadn’t been this open since Elektra and look how that turned out. Elektra herself had been different. He loved her. He still loves her. Loves how comfortable he felt in her presences. Unguarded and free.

 But unguarded and comfortable was different than allowing himself to feel and appear weak. To let someone see the broken and jagged pieces that made him who he was and not be afraid to be judged for it. Elektra never made him feel like home. At least not the kind of home his dad had given him as a kid. Safe. At ease.

 Loved.

  They fell asleep that night like that. Lying on the couch, Foggys arms wrapped around him tights and close. His head tucked in the dip of her clavicles. Curled into her and knowing with absolute certainty that she wouldn’t ever let him go.

Matt woke up the next morning to the smell of pancakes and the annoying tap of Foggys fingers on his cheeks.

 “Wake up sleepyhead. The pancakes are getting cold and I don’t want to hear you whining about it”

 For a second Matt had refused to open his eyes even as the corner of his lips were pulled up.

 “Five more minutes mom”

 “Very funny. Catch me making you breakfast again you ungrateful prick”

 Matt had let out a disgruntled groan but relented to push himself up with an over exaggerated stretch.

 “You owe me groceries for this”, Foggy sing songs, pushing a plate stacked with pancakes, dripping with an unhealthy amount of syrup just the way Matt liked it. It’s one of his most unhealthiest guilty pleasures but fuck him if every bite didn’t have him melt with sinful pleasure.

 “It’s the least you could do with how you had half my ass hanging off the couch last night”, Foggy continues as she digged into her own stack.

 “It’s not my fault your apartment is so warm. I was practically cooking”, Matt had clapped back but was half-hearted and said through a juvenile muffled mouthful of his breakfast.

 “Price of being the little spoon my friend”

 Matt indulged her with an eye roll but he’s much too distracted with his breakfast to keep up the banter. Foggy sneakily pushes the extra plate pancakes forward followed by the bottle of organic syrup that was way too obscenely expensive for her budget but so very worth it to see Matt light up animatedly with a child-like glee at the taste of it on his delicate taste buds.

 They had continued their banter a bit more over a steaming cup of coffee and all the while Matt realizes in that moment that he felt truly and incandescently happy with his life and where he was then compared to how where he was just six months before and a large part of it was because of Foggy.  Karens acceptance of him had been great. But foggy knew him more than anyone. It’s Foggy that despite their decade long friendship, he’d disappointed and hurt and let down over and over and the fact that Foggy was still there, a constant unerring affirmation of his worth. That if there was someone in his life that could love and stick around the way foggy had then life was definitely worth living no matter what it threw at him. Foggy who’d given something no one else had. Not even Elektra.  

Matt truly and utterly realize that Foggy at that moment, after so much time and effort on both their parts, truly knew him better now, more than anyone ever did. And with it Foggy had given him something he hasn’t felt since his dad died

And its not just the happiness. It’s a deep rooted and affection of what they have. Of what they’ve built through it all. . It’s a fondness. Its an appreciation. It’s a love that has driven right down to his core, so deep that its become part of his being. Its… wait… oh…. OH….. oh shit.

[tanoraqui]

Grave dirt baby... 🥺✨

me, procrastinating my actual fic? no... GRAVE DIRT BABY A-YUAN

HEY TUMBLR FUCKED UP ALL MY BULLET POINTS ON THIS THE SECOND I HIT POST BUT IT’S 4AM SO I’M LEAVING IT UP ANYWAY. STUPID GODDAMN WEBSITE.

Wei Wuxian has been in the Burial Mounds for like 2.5 months out of what he doesn’t yet know will be about 3. He’s not even sure he’s going to survive yet. But he has managed to manifest an evil sword - the evil sword - out of the aether/ambient resentful energy/an attunement set with an unwise touch in the belly of an evil turtle

and he does know that he’s not going to survive if he doesn’t get the power of the Burial Mounds under some sort of control

so he cuts his arm and with blood running down the blade, draws something adjacent to the first demon-summoning flag but as an array in the dirt. He stands in the middle and - keep in mind that he more or less hasn’t slept in 2.5 months - plunges the sword into the center, still coated in his blood, and draws in all the resentful energy of the Burial Mounds

was it supposed to go into the sword? Into himself? Into just the single 4ft diameter array area, a column of bound death? who knows, not Wei Wuxian! it’s pure gut instinct

u know what else works on gut instinct, thought? Fairy tales.

And in a fairy tale, why, clay of the earth plus iron enough for a blade plus still-warm blood to show the way...

There’s an implosion and Wei Wuxian is standing - somehow still standing - in a small crater where the array used to be, and his evil sword is plunged into the belly of a baby

He yanks it out in horrified reflex, and realizes a moment later that the baby seems unfazed by this. If there was even a wound, it closes before his eyes, and the glimpse he had showed something more bloody clay than flesh beneath the skin

the iron sword crumbles as he pulls it away, as though rusted a thousand years. the baby turns its head from the iron shavings that falls on it, but then reaches up for Wei Wuxian with a cheerfully demanding cry

he picks it up, of course. (he’d think he was hallucinating if he wasn’t absolutely and utterly aware that he’s not)

it is, as far as he can tell, with physical and spiritual resentful inspection, an absolutely normal baby

oh, except when he looks really closely. Then he can sense the neutron star–dense knot of resentful energy where a golden core might (but will definitely not have room to) form. Also, it can command the dead, and when he holds it, so can he. He’s not sure if it’s a proximity-based power share or if he’s passing his desires through the baby, but even Wei Wuxian, at about 3 months with no food save the rage of the dead and no rest save the promise of final release, has to stop investigating at some point. He has things to do!

specifically, he has Wens to kill

so instead of the iconic shot of the dark flautist in the moonlight, we get the dark, uh...man singing a very spooky lullaby to his baby in the moonlight. It is still deeply creepy. It’s a making-it-up-as-he-goes tune based on a Yunmengi lullaby that he certainly learned from neither of his foster parents, and the lyrics are along the lines of, “let them remember what they did, sweet little potato, let them remember why they’re dying”

yeah he’s been calling this child “Little Potato” for 2 weeks 

why

is that not how you name a child

sometimes when he’s more annoyed at it, he calls it “Little Radish”, or even less appetizing root vegetables

by the time he walks in, the baby is asleep in his arms and he’s not singing anymore, just letting the dead do his will. This is what Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji see. The subsequent conversation, Wen Chao and Wen Zhuliu at their feet, goes like this:

LWJ: Wei Ying. You have a baby.

WWX: Oh, uh...

PLAY DUMB!

WWX: What baby?

NOT THAT DUMB!

WWX: Oh, this baby! Haha yeah. I...found it.

JC: What the fuck

WWX: Yeah, weird, right? Right near the, uh...

LWJ: They said you were in the Burial Mounds

WWX: Yyyyup. Yes that is. I found this baby by the side of the road after I walked out of the Burial Mounds.

JC, briefly too morbidly fascinated to think about either the demonic cultivation they just watched or the fact that he wants to hug his brother like he’s never wanted to hug another being in his life: What did you name it?

WWX: ....

JC, desire to hug intensifying together with exasperation: oh my god

Sometime in the next couple days - after sleeping a bit, maybe - it occurs to Wei Wuxian that his raw instincts were right and things will go very badly for little A-Yuan (his siblings insisted he name it) if anyone finds out that he’s a not-yet-walking, not-yet-talking little neuron star of resentful energy. So he takes the iron shavings that are all that remain of the Stygian Turtle Sword and forges them into a Tiger-shaped Seal. He also carves a bamboo flute, like he’d been thinking about before the whole...baby thing. He loudly proclaims both to be dark and terrible weapons

(it really is helpful. The sword was...kind of A-Yuan’s other parent, after all, in addition to their third partner, the Burial Mounds. Chenqing gives him finer control of whatever stray resentful energy he chooses to pick up, and the Stygian Seal lets him channel A-Yuan’s power at need, even when not touching him. Which is good - a battlefield is no place for a baby)

even if that baby thinks ghosts and ghouls exist to pick him up and rock him or toss him around (babies like to be tossed)

Wei Wuxian puts so many goddamn spirit-repelling charms on that child, and lets it be marked down to the paranoia of a survivor

using whatever resentful energy he picks up is generally more effective, actually. Less strong, but it quickly becomes clear that the way this works does, in fact, involve Wei Wuxian communicating his desires through A-Yuan, or at least A-Yuan has to put up with the loan of power. There’s nothing quite like abruptly losing control of a field of corpses because the baby got abruptly uncooperative with anything that wasn’t barfing

the baby does eat, for the record. As far as Wei Wuxian can tell, he doesn’t actually need to, but once WWX fed him once, when they first left the Mounds, he wanted it all the time

he still takes A-Yuan with him when he can. That is the paranoia of a survivor. A-Yuan is...

“A battlefield is no place for a baby, A-Xian,” Jiang Yanli says gently, as he sets out from Carp Tower after another stolen visit, another failed attempt to convince Jin Guangshan off his ass. “And you are...so busy. LanlingJin takes in orphans, you know...”

“A-Yuan...he’s my blood,” Wei Wuxian says quietly. He’s never been good at lying to his shijie

Whatwherewhenhowwho, he’d see on her face if he was looking at it. But he isn’t. It’s not shame, though, she can see (it really never is, with Wei Wuxian). Fear of disappointing her, slight resignation...but mostly acceptance. Determination. Something almost like contentment.

(When Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangj first took him back to whatever resembled a base camp - somewhere in Qinghe, probably, or maybe Lanling - he had to let a trained healer look at A-Yuan, physical and spiritual examination, and he held his breath and calculated how many people he’d have to kill to get out of here, how fast he’d have to move to not hurt his brother or any particular friends; thought, oh, he’s mine, in a way he hadn’t before - as a child, a son, not just a very strange weapon - 

“He’s quite healthy,” said the doctor, mildly surprised, bouncing A-Yuan on one knee. A-Yuan gurgled happily. “About three months old?”

the longer Wei Wuxian took to answer, the more disapproving her stare got. But that did make sense)

Then all else can be dealt with later. “You should still leave him here,” Jiang Yanli says firmly. “You need to look after yourself and A-Cheng out there. I can look after A-Yuan.”

It takes a bit under two years to win back the lost and burnt territories, scour the Wens out of every crevice, corner Wen Ruohan in his precious Nightless City and bring it tumbling down. Nobody will know the timing but A-Yuan sleeps through the final battle, smiling at dreams that would make a grown man weep in horror. Somewhere, his father is playing a lullaby

About a week later, Jiang Cheng stalks into Wei Wuxian’s bedroom, which he shares with A-Yuan. One of the first rooms rebuilt in the new Lotus Pier. A-Yuan is there, too, playing with blocks while Wei Wuxian idly drafts talismans

“A-jie said the kid is yours,” he says, crossed arms. “Like, yours-yours. When the fuck did you do that?”

(Wei Wuxian has thought about this, by now; gone over the pros and cons of every possibility, the politics and potentials and maybe even the giddy possibility of telling something like the truth)

(the guiding principle is: he has no interest in drawing on the “Stygian Tiger Seal” ever again. The Sunshot Campaign is over. His loved ones are safe, and he sees no reason why they shouldn’t all live long, happy, normal lives)

(also/though, he will burn Jin Sect, Carp Tower, and all of Lanling to the ground before the new Chief Cultivator should touch his son)

“In Caiyi,” he lies. “Right before I got kicked out. I, uh, snuck out a lot more often than you noticed.”

His brother squints at him suspiciously. But Wei Wuxian can also watch him do the math in his head and reluctantly admit that it works.

“So are you claiming him or what?” he challenges. “’Wei Yuan’? You have a courtesy name - wait, no, you are not naming that kid again. You’re going to make his courtesy name be Carrothead or something.” 

“Should I let you pick it, oh wise and noble shidi - no, shushu?!” Wei Wuxian teases, as A-Yuan gets tired of his blocks and starts climbing up him like a jungle gym

Jiang Cheng sighs like the north wind - gusting long and hard, with just the faintest chill to suggest that the skies will be weeping, soon

But...

Despite some evidence to the contrary, Wei Wuxian is generally fully aware of when he’s about to cross a line that cannot be backtracked over. So he meets Wen Qing in the city, and before going to Lanling, he nips into Lotus Pier and picks up A-Yuan

He might leave A-Yuan with Wen Qing in the city when he goes to Glamour Hall, but Qiongqi Pass happens with a toddler watching silently from Wei Wuxian’s hip. Does Wei Wuxian tell him to look away, bury his face in baba’s shirt, or does he not bother, knowing the sort of song that makes up A-Yuan’s sweet dreams?

The Wens become the second through 51st or so people who learn what A-Yuan is. Wei Wuxian briefly considers trying to hide it, but, honestly, there are dead things everywhere on the Burial Mounds, and despite his genuine efforts, he cannot convince A-Yuan that a fierce corpse is anything but the ideal patty-cake companion. (They’ll play with him for hours! It’s a two-nearly-three-year-old’s dream!)

(he doesn’t want to convince him, not really. The last thing he wants to do ever is give A-Yuan anything to be scared of)

nor could he possibly wish that A-Yuan not be...obviously hale and hearty, running rosy-cheeked and strong around these hills of death that slowly seep the energy from any humans, animals, or even sturdy root crops

“So, uh, this is actually my demon baby,” said Wei Wuxian as they all settled in

“this day has been so weird already, this might as well goddamn happen”, said the Wens collectively

“You created a living child out of dead earth, so I’m going to take that as a yes that you can bring my brother back,” said Wen Qing specifically

“...fuck. I mean, yes. I mean - fuck,” said Wei Wuxian. “I- of course I will.”

(it doesn’t work like that, though)

The 52nd person to find out what A-Yuan is is Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian very much does not tell him. They have a pleasant toy-shopping trip and lunch in town, and then the alarm talisman goes off and Wei Wuxian grabs A-Yuan and Lan Wangji tugs them both onto Bichen and when they arrive, Wen Ning is roaring. Lan Wangji knows what’s important; he takes A-Yuan so Wei Wuxian’s hands are free and he doesn’t have to worry about his son

except Wen Ning, black-eyed with rage, throws Wei Wuxian into a tree hard enough to crack a rib, and even as Lan Wangji raises Bichen, A-Yuan shouts,

“Uncle Ning, stop!”

and Wen Ning stops

(as a rule, Wei Wuxian can’t take over with himself and Chenqing anything A-Yuan is controlling, unless A-Yuan lets him, and vice versa. To eliminate variables, Wei Wuxian had made sure that any reins on Wen Ning were his (Wei Wuxian’s) alone. But in that moment, before Wen Ning came fully back to himself, his reins were swinging free - and they were back within the bounds of the Burial Mounds, where A-Yuan was always strong)

and Lan Wangji puts several pieces together at once and prays to every single god in heaven and every ancestor he’s disappointing right now that this was a miracle of love and a very cute child piercing through a fierce corpse’s mindless rampage. That he simply...hallucinated the burst of resentful energy he just felt from the child in his arms

but he’s absolutely, utterly aware that he didn’t

Wei Wuxian explains, stilted and awkward at the bottom of the hill. Challenging and terrified. Holding on to A-Yuan. 

Lan Wangji promises to keep the secret. 

Wei Wuxian takes Hanguang-jun’s word

Remember, oh, remember, that Wei Wuxian walks A-Yuan back up the hill until A-Yuan gets tired and Wei Wuxian picks him up, on their one-and-a-half–man plank bridge through the dark. Remember remember remember that before he can finish speaking that line, there is light - the clearing is lit with lanterns and secret-keepers 2 through 51, and I suppose 53 now that Wen Ning is awake, are waiting with dinner and warmth and welcome. Reader, remember this.

But then...

Aunt Qing and Uncle Ning had gone, and then, with a terrible expression on his face, so had A-Yuan’s baba. Now his baba’s anger and sadness is so strong that the weight of it makes A-Yuan cry from hundreds of miles away, and he curls into Granny’s arms and sends his baba everything he can. Will everything be okay, then? Will everyone come home; will they be able to smile again?

(oh, A-Yuan...)

(No.)

A-Yuan - Wei Yuan, Little Potato (when he’s good for baba or bad for Aunt Qing) or Little Radish (inverse); one day to be Lan Yuan, Lan Sizhui - was born in the good old fairy tale way of earth and iron and blood. It’s a hard thing for any child to lose even a single parent - in one day, in one minute, A-Yuan loses two of three, as the father of his blood burns away in hand the last shreds of Stygian iron, and promptly loses control of his own resentful energy

(the Tiger Seal does nothing like explode, in this world. It was never more than a prop - but a vital one. the benefit of proving it destroyed would be worth the loss of a parent, if only a second didn’t follow on its heels)

A-Yuan has been a dead thing (or close enough) come to life all his life, and both dead and living have been his friends and family. But he’s never felt the transition the other way: from life to death

It’s no wonder, really, that he can’t remember it afterward. No wonder that even on the land that was the last part of him, he was feverish and barely conscious when Lan Wangji stumbled, bleeding, off of Bichen, and took in his arms. No wonder that he remembered very little at all, including the dead. 

But he would be okay. Under physical and spiritual inspection, he’s a perfectly normal boy. He may not be able to form a golden core (there's something in the way), but there are...workarounds. He’ll grow up in one of the most heavily spiritually warded enclaves in the world, safe and loved as he relearns (mostly in secret) what he can do

(For the sake of this story, and A-Yuan’s survival as something close to canon, let’s say there are some truly dark things in the forbidden section of the Lan Library, that could only be used for nefarious purposes - though, I suppose we already knew that. Let’s say there are talismans that will disguise the very nature of qi, so resentful energy may appear spiritual. Let’s say, Lan Xichen becomes the 53rd to know the truth, because his brother needs help - and it’s Wei Wuxian’s child, okay? It’s just Wei Wuxian’s child, quiet and unsure rather than laughing as he always was. If you were in the inner circle of leaders of the Sunshot Campaign, you have absolutely met this child, probably held him and bounced him on one knee)

(What keeps Lan Xichen up at night isn’t the concealing amulet he helped his brother make, which Lan Yuan wears at all times around his neck. It’s the silence he keeps every time he meets Jiang Wanyin’s eyes over a diplomatic table. If anyone had the right to know Wei Yuan survived... But Sandu Sengshou killed Wei Wuxian, everyone knows that, and now he hunts demonic cultivators - what might his pride drive him to do to his nephew, if he ever learned the truth? (Selfishly, Lan Xichen know that if Lan Wangji lost A-Yuan, even just to living at Lotus Pier, Lan Xichen might lose his brother. That fear ebbs with time passing, but the the longer he hasn’t spoken, the worse it would be to do so...))

They don’t restrict Lan Yuan to the Cloud Recesses, no more than any other novice. For memory of their mother, neither of them could bear that. Jiang Cheng does eventually see him at a conference, and stops dead. Years have passed, but that is an entire goddamn nephew, right there. But - how? No, it can’t be. That’s...everyone knows Lan Wangji hated Wei Wuxian. It’s just...and someone would have told him. The Lans value propriety above all, after all.

Anything that can be done with spiritual cultivation can be done with demonic cultivation, save heal. Lan Sizhui makes up for it with an encyclopedic knowledge of undead and monsters, and a prodigal talent for Inquiry

On their first night hunt, the young juniors face ghosts. Unfortunately, this is when Lan Jingyi learns that he’s terrified of ghosts. He’s hiding behind Lan Sizhui and panic is contagious, and the senior accompanying them is in a different room of the abandoned house, and Lan Sizhui forgets that he’s holding a sword and just shouts, “Stop! Go away!” 

the ghost, of course, obeys

Lan Jingyi peeks out form behind him. “Did- did you do that?”

“I don’t know,” Lan Sizhui admits (except that he’s absolutely sure he did)

There’s another flicker of movement, just the wind blowing ashes but Jingyi whips around with wild eyes. “Can you do it again?”

[friendship. my point is, he’s a demon baby but he has family and friends who love and accept him.]

And one day, some absolute fucking morons are going to bring him back home, where he can never be anything but strong, and threaten his friends and family? And the threat is an army of his old playmates, commanded by an attempt at recreating some combination of Chenqing and the Tiger Seal? He couldn’t manage it in Yi City, but now A-Yuan, Wei Yuan, Lan Sizhui stands on earth that has never stopped being part of him, or maybe he’s never stopped being part of it. If he closed his eyes he could feel every foot on it, living and restless dead. And they’re threatening his baba - who he remembers, as the earth remembers its old partner, even though the blood is changed - and his father Hanguang-jun, and his extended family and friends?

No.

[skribbz]

i know im sending u tons of these but ELLIE

Oh boy here we go

First impression

I actually didn’t know anything about TLoU before I played it except for it being a zombie game. Since zombies have always been a super special interest for me, I had to play it. So actually playing it was like being smacked in the face with emotions. 

But I didn’t even know about the existence of Ellie, so my first time seeing her was when Joel meets her. I thought she seemed cool, but a little abrasive. She did make me laugh though. 

Impression now

Oh god where do I even start. 

I’m not even exaggerating when I say Ellie helped me become who I am today. I related to her in so many ways. Not just in the way she's so nerdy, but also in how she treats others. She was just a kid who was let down by the world around her, yet she still wants to do what she thinks is best for everyone. She's sentimental, holding onto keepsakes from the people she's lost. She can have a bad attitude sometimes, but is just a complete sweetheart. She goes through so much, and even when Joel gives her the option to just go back home, she decides to keep going. 

Ellie came into my life when I needed a role model. The way she had gone through so much, but didn't let it break her soul, the way she always found a way to "endure and survive", meant so much to me at the time, and even now. She also helped me accept the fact that I wasn't straight. Seeing a character who I already admired so much, kissing another girl made me just break down crying. 

When they said that Ellie was going to be the main character of the second game, I cried again. I think the second game just really expands on the reasons I loved her in the first one. She still tries to do what she thinks is best. It's not always the right thing, and sometimes it's very much the wrong thing. But she has so much guilt over Joel, yet still loves him so much she's willing to do whatever it takes to give him the justice she thinks she deserves, even if she knows it's not at all what he would want her to do. (There's so much more to her thoughts and actions in the sequel of course, but I feel like this is one of the most important ones.) It's just like the first game where she's willing to go to any ends to do what she thinks is right, no matter how much it may hurt her in the process. 

I think in the end she has realized that her life means more than just being the cure. Her life matters just because she’s alive, is loved, and loves others, and that message means a lot to me, and I’m sure to many others, too. 

I think Ellie is such a wonderful character, and one of the most well written characters I've ever seen in any media. She really changed my life, and because of that she is my favorite character ever. 

Favorite moment

HOW am I supposed to choose just one. 

Does the entire winter section count? It shows much she loves Joel, and how strong she has become by that point, and how determined she is to survive. She sees just how truly awful some people in the world can be, and despite it she still wants to do whatever she can for the cure.

It’s our first look into what would become a major theme of the second game. While David’s town is an enemy to Joel and Ellie, and we as players hate them, they were doing what they thought was best to survive. Cannibalism isn’t right by our standards, but that’s because we haven’t been pushed to that point. But would we be willing to turn to it if we were pushed that far? Is it more acceptable to kill innocent people to feed a whole community that’s depending on you, or is it more acceptable to just let all of those innocent lives that are depending on you die?

I think we can all agree on one thing though. David is a piece of shit and deserved to be chopped up into teeny pieces. 

Idea for a story

I have many ideas. But I'll go with where I think her story can go from here, AKA my TLoU3 idea. 

The story starts 12 or so years later. Putting JJ around 13. Dina, Ellie and Abby 32-33. Lev around 25. Tommy and Maria probably late 50s-early 60s

Ellie is back in Jackson. She works her ass off doing whatever manual labor she can because all she wants to do is just work herself into exhaustion. She's dealt with her trauma and she’s in a better place mentally now. Now her reasons for shutting everything out is that she’s too scared to try and really reconnect. She wants companionship but is afraid of the pain of losing it all again.

The exception is when she has JJ. He is still the light of her life. She takes him hunting and camping and plays video games with him and they geek out over comics. She has taught him to draw. She wants to teach him guitar like she promised, but hasn’t been able to yet. 

The only time she sets foot outside of Jackson is with JJ.

Dina is of course doing something that uses her skills. Maybe the lead electrician at the dam. They've kept JJ very innocent. Obviously he knows of the infected, and has seen his moms kill them before, but he doesn’t know just how bad it really is, he’s never seen another human die.

Her and Ellie are amicable. They are happy to be co parenting jj but there's nothing between them (for now). 

Maria holds a lot of guilt. Over sending Joel and Tommy out that day, over not giving Ellie and Dina help in Seattle, which got Jesse killed, over letting Tommy get as bad as he did after Seattle. She blames herself for the way Ellie is. She tries to spend time with Ellie, but Ellie is very elusive when she wants to be. She adores JJ though. That's her little great nephew. His auntie is the leader of the whole town and he uses that to his advantage every chance he gets. And she lets him.

Tommy has a little guilt. He doesn’t know Abby is alive, Ellie only ever told him she “finished things” and didn’t talk to him much after that. But he sees how she is a complete mess and lost her fingers. He knows that guitar was special for Ellie, plus any kind of disability is a huge disadvantage in their world. Dina doesn’t let JJ near him. JJ doesn't understand why and no one will tell him

Tommy and Maria never worked out their differences and have stayed separated, partly because of their guilt toward what happened with Ellie. They cared about her like she was their own and they both let her down

Jackson is now huge. They’ve made contact with other settlements, and have trade routes. But Maria is getting older and the town is getting too much for her to run on her own. Tommy is getting up there in age as well, and despite his injuries he still does patrols. But alone. He’s not actively trying to get killed, but he isn’t always as careful as he knows he should be. 

Story starts out and you're playing as Tommy on patrol. He gets ambushed by a small group of people. And lo and behold Abby (and Lev) is there. Tommy is shocked when he finds out who it is, and he asks if she came to finish the job she started. She says no they tracked him since he left the town and were waiting to get him alone because she has news for him. The fireflies have rebuilt stronger than ever and now they’re back out for the cure and are coming for Ellie, because she is the only known source, but also as a form of revenge for what Joel did all those years ago, destroying what the Fireflies once were. They were able to get there first because they only brought a few people and set out before the main squad. Tommy asks why he should believe her, and she says that Ellie saved her life years ago and it's the least she could do to pay her back. (just like. Assume that there was enough info stored with the fireflies that Abby could work out who Ellie is). To keep Tommy from attacking or following him, they knock him out and untie him then leave. 

Control switches back to Ellie who is doing her chores around town. You get to nail fences, chop wood, and carry hay bales. Fun. Later that night, as Ellie is getting home, standing on her porch, Tommy rolls up and confronts Ellie about Abby being alive. They get into a huge fight and Ellie tells Tommy that he fucked up her life. It's his fault she lost Dina. His fault she only gets to see jj when Dina allows it, his fault Jesse was killed. And its his fucking fault Joel died.

He storms off. But then Ellie notices J standing on the street coming to stay the night. She had forgotten this was her night with him. He’d been told his whole life that moms had a peaceful break up, and that dad and grandpa Joel died being heroes, but now he’s upset about what he's heard so he runs back home to Dina. 

That night Ellie is woken up by fighting in Jackson. She runs out to try and find what's going on. All she can get is that fireflies are attacking. She eventually finds out that some travelers shot Maria and a fight broke out. Ellie fights through the town to Maria. She's injured with a gunshot in the arm, but alive still and kicking some ass. She tells Ellie that fireflies came asking for her, and would leave peacefully in return. She told them no and they shot her. Maria says she’ll be okay and tells Ellie to go find JJ and get him to safety. 

She fights through to the other side of town. Because of the commotion, infected have broken in so there’s humans and infected running around killing. She gets to Jesse's house and JJ is hysterical, Dina is holding him down and he's like screaming and crying. His grandpa fought off a firefly who was trying to get in their home and was shot and killed. It hits Ellie that this is all her fault. People are dying because of her again. Anyway she tells dina and robin that they need to leave. Dina says she's not going anywhere without Ellie. Ellie wants to stay and fight, but JJ is more important right now. So the 4 of them sneak out and near the gates they meet up with Tommy. He’s helping get people out and sending them to one of the patrol lookouts that is secure and can fit everyone. 

Ellie sends Dina, Robin and JJ off. Ellie gives JJ Joel's revolver and tells him to keep mom and grandma safe for her. She goes back to Tommy and the two get back to Maria. When they are very close to her, an infected ambushes them and Tommy gets bit. They get to Maria who is losing blood fast and doesn't look well. After a lot of arguing from Ellie, the pair decide to stay. They tell Ellie they’re old now. Maria wont last long with her wounds, and tommy has no chance of surviving his. They apologize to Ellie for the way things turned out and how much she has meant to them all these years. They give her all their ammo except for one bullet in each of their guns, because that's all they need now. Ellie begs them to come along, and she’ll figure something out for them. But they eventually convince her to go. Ellie leaves crying, and Maria and Tommy maybe get a cute moment before cutting back to Ellie. 

Ellie makes it back to where the survivors are and is depressed that there's way less than she was expecting. JJ has cried himself to sleep and Dina notices Ellie is acting strange and pulls her away to ask her. Ellie tells her what happened and Dina holds her while she cries. It's the first time anyone has really been physically affectionate with her in a long time so Ellie clings to her as she lets it all out

The last survivors decide that Jackson isn’t safe. It's too damaged, filled with infected, and no one can figure out what the fireflies were doing. Ellie can't bring herself to say anything about it. 

The next morning, everyone wakes up and is discussing what to do. JJ is still inconsolable. Ellie decides to take him away from the group to get some fresh air. She tells him to hold on to Joel's revolver. They chat and JJ asks what happened to auntie Maria and Tommy. She decides to be honest with him. She expects him to cry, but is shocked to see him become angry instead. He basically swears revenge for them and for his grandfather. This of course stirs up a lot of very negative thoughts in Ellie, but she decides to let him grieve in his own way for now. 

That’s everything I have written out in detail for now. But the main idea would be Ellie becoming a leader to the few remaining survivors as they make contact with the other settlements that Jackson is allied with. She would take responsibility for all of these lives. They would be her reason for fighting now. 

Over the course of the game, Abby would come back and her and Ellie would be forced to team up. There’s no more animosity between the two though, they’re both over it and don’t want to go back down that road. Over the course of the story they would come to understand each other’s actions. They wouldn’t become friends, but they can at least rely on each other. 

JJ would find out that Abby is the person responsible for Joel and Jesse’s death, and she came from the group that killed his grandfather, Tommy and Maria. He’d go into a rage and try to attack her and Ellie would have to hold him back. He wants to know why Ellie is defending the person who hurt everyone they loved. Ellie would have to finally tell him the whole story, and try to keep him from giving into his anger and sadness like she did in the second game. She won’t let her son become like her. She wants him to stay her innocent baby boy, but she knows that’s just not possible in their world. 

Other stuff that I have yet to flesh out:

More about Dina’s backstory. Or at least her last name. 

Lev being a big brother to JJ.

Dina and Ellie falling in love all over again as Dina sees Ellie doing so much for the rest of the community. It’s gonna be emotional.

Ellie teaching JJ how to play guitar, and tearfully singing Future Days to him.

Unpopular opinion

I’m not sure of what people’s opinions on her are. I know most people love her and anyone who doesn’t isn’t entitled to an opinion. 

I guess one is I’m not a fan of her farm hairstyle. Her Seattle look was just so cute. Why did you do that to your head, girl. 

Favorite relationship

Dina of course.

I feel like Dina represented what Ellie could have if she wasn’t stuck in the past. Joel represented her violent past, and her traumas. Dina represented her future, her home, her family. Ellie was so stuck in the past, that she couldn’t see the future standing literally right in front of her. 

It’s a great representation of how she holds onto the people she loves, but also how PTSD works. The past keeps coming back to haunt her. 

Favorite headcanon

I hc her as autistic! I kinda feel bad because everyone else hcs her as having ADHD. But I’m autistic so I say she is too *sunglass emoji*. 

Why I think she’s autistic: 

Obviously her special interests would be space and dinosaurs, and the way she talks about them reminds me of how I get when people let me infodump about my SIs.

The way she plays with her fingers looks hella like stimming to me. In fact, that’s one of my stims!

Her interest in art and music.

Her interest in general nerdy stuff like comics and video games. 

She collects cards, and collecting is a big autistic trait.

The way she’s sort of untidy and cluttered, yet labels all of her boxes of shit. The ordered mess is such an autistic thing.

[stetervault]

Steter fics from 2019/any Steter fics you feel like reccing

2019 Steter fics, let’s see… Here’s a bunch of random ones I’ve enjoyed over the past year:

Where I Want to Be by Tahlruil

Peter wasn’t exactly surprised when he ‘woke up’ in hell.

He’d known his wounds were fatal as soon as he’d gotten them. In truth he’d never expected to still be standing after his quest for revenge had been completed. What mattered was taking the Argent family down with him and making sure they died before he did. Peter had saved Kate and Gerard for last; they had looked into his eyes as they bled out. They had known that he was the instrument of their family’s doom and he couldn’t ask for more than that.

You Are A Call To Motion by neglectedtuesday

Here at Hale Industries ® we don’t believe in limiting one’s pleasure. That’s why we’re dedicated to bringing our clientele the best in Jackbot technology. Whether you’re a busy dom in need of a service sub or a baby boy desperate for an Alien Daddy, Hale Industries ® has the perfect bot for you. Built to your specifications, our customer service team is devoted to building a bot that will never fail to meet your needs. And if you discover something new you want to try, you can subscribe to our monthly upgrade packages in order to add or remove kinks at your leisure.

Hale Industries ® - The Only Limits Are The Ones We Place On Ourselves.

Here Begins the Land of Phantoms by Triangulum

Stiles is four and scared of the dark. There are things in the shadows of his room, whispering to him, showing him terrible, violent things.

There’s something in the basement, too. He can feel it while he’s sitting on the old, worn sofa, its presence curling around the edges of the room. He thinks he can see something sometimes, a mass shimmering in the corner, but he always looks away. He doesn’t want to know.

Or

Peter is a demon that lives in the Stilinskis’ basement.

From Ashes Rebuilt by ambersagen

“You shouldn’t be alive,” Stiles finally admitted. He sounded sorry, smelled like anxiety and hunched in on himself as he fell back from Peter to land in the dented chair. “I heard the doctors telling your niece. She wasn’t quiet about it, and no one cares if I’m around anyway so I heard the whole thing, about your burns. I snuck in to see you.”

“Like a sideshow freak,” Peter sneered, starting to understand.

“Like a miracle,” Stiles corrected.

MCSZ-LW by Bunnywest

Mayor Whittemore gives John his widest politician’s smile. “It’s one of the best- a Halebot. You work so hard for the city, and with Claudia gone five years now, we thought you’d appreciate some company. A service bot is perfect. I mean, you deserve more than the standard gift certificate. “

“Would have preferred the gift card,” John huffs under his breath, but he plasters on a smile and makes all the right noises, because this is an elected position, and as jackbots go, Halebots really are the best. He just doesn’t know quite what he’s going to do with it.

Baby Whisperer by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)

“What. Is that.”

Scott looked up at him, apprehensive.

“Her name’s Lily.”

Stiles stared at the fuzzy head peeking out of the papoose.

“Her. Her name. That is a real live human baby. Oh my God-”

“Actually I don’t know if she’s human?” Scott said with a confused frown. “Becca didn’t say.”

“Who the fuck is Becca?!”

Care for Me, As I’ve Never Known by lavenderlotion

“Why…why did you offer me the bite?” Stiles asked quietly, the cover of night and the hum of the Jeep’s engine giving him courage he wouldn’t usually have.

Peter hummed thoughtfully, taking a turn smoothly. “That is quite the question you’re asking. I’m not sure the answer is one you would be happy to hear.”

A Love for Millennia (a story never told) by OneSmartChicken

Stiles had to go into the woods that night. It didn’t make sense. She was lured by the sense of adventure, but there was a more that dragged at her.

Or: Stiles is the only one to realize she and Peter are soulmates. She doesn’t mention it.

Wind Chimes by wynnebat

“Why are you here?” Peter asks, his brow furrowing in confusion. “I can understand curiosity, but Stiles, you have visited me nearly every day for years. It can’t be that simple.”

Stiles shrugs. It’s both simple and not. For him, who grew up with the wind, who is inseparable from it in the best of ways, it is absurdly simple. For Peter, who doesn’t trust the wind as Stiles does, it may not be. “The wind says you’re mine. That’s all I need.”

Robber Foxes (Have No Fears) by RayShippouUchiha (WIP)

In the end all Stiles really has left is his dad, a lonely house, the key and deed to the loft, and a chest filled up with emptiness.

A void, yawning right behind his sternum.

That and the laughter of a fox trapped right beneath his skin, echoing in the hollows of his skull, whispering behind his teeth.

Stiles should have known it wasn’t over.

Magic stains everything it touches after all.

Keep You (Safe) Within my Shadow by lavenderlotion

Stiles has never been scared of the dark. The shadows are his friends.

Into Eden by GracieBirdie

Stiles deciding to bring home the stray alpha he’d hit with his jeep probably made him certifiable, if it hadn’t turned out Peter was as crazy as he was.

Trust in the End by ShebaRen, Tahlruil

Stiles had always kind of assumed that the end of the world was going to be full of fire and panicking people. Nuclear warfare had pretty much been his guess as to how it would all go, but he could be flexible on that. His only certainty was that it would be man-made, because people always messed things up.

He hadn’t expected the end to be full of snow and freezing cold. He hadn’t expected to be so alone while it was happening, hadn’t thought he would be making a trek from California all the way up to - if his maps and bearings were right - Washington State. He definitely hadn’t expected for it all to happen while his parents were away on a trip for their second honeymoon.

Thankfully he’d fallen in with a wolf who had saved his life and then hung around like a bad penny afterward.

Making Marks by Udunie

Stiles woke to his phone ringing at four in the afternoon, because apparently, he’d never even heard of a healthy sleep schedule before, and also; hated himself.

He blindly found it in the pocket of his jeans thrown haphazardly to the floor, and blinked at it for a few seconds before picking it up.

“‘Sup, Lyds?” he asked, just because he knew she hated the nickname, and she did wake him up.

“I’m killing Jackson,” she announced with unusual honesty. To be fair, any kind of honesty was unusual from her, considering her and Stiles only reconnected recently - and it wasn’t like they were too close in high school either.

“Congratulations?”

You Just Got Ghosted! by Ragga

“What’s your name, angel?” little Stiles murmured even as his eyes fell closed, quickly losing his battle against sleep.

Stiles smiled. It was a little sad but also heavy with the knowledge that what he was doing was the right thing—heavy with the knowledge he didn’t deserve the moniker bestowed upon him.

“You can call me Mietek.”

Or the one where there’s time travel, feels abound, two Stiles in one timeline, and one of them stuck somewhere between the planes of existence. Yet a ghost can still manage to save the day and get the girl. Or the wolf. Manly wolf. Because Peter.

Toothed Morality (Send Me Flowers) by rightsidethru

“The world is a dark place, moje kochanie; it is one filled with monsters, always ready to gobble you whole. Be wary of the promises they give: seal every vow with blood and bone and Name. A True Name, one that will bind them to their word.”

“But how will I know that they’re telling the truth, Matka? Couldn’t they lie…?”

“You’ll know, mały płomień.”

Everyone is King When There’s No One Left to Pawn by Bittah_Wizard

The AU where Stiles is an old trickster—just not the one you’re thinking of.

Beefcake Mountain by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)

Shortly after moving back to Beacon Hills, the left hand of the Hale Pack opened a text from a mysterious number.

“Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.”

What the f—

Wild Creatures by neglectedtuesday

The treaty is signed while Stiles is being laced into his wedding corset. Ink splatters parchment as a maid pulls the ribbons, tighter and tighter. Stiles’ breath and future are taken away, all to save a village. He is a sacrifice more than a bride. The maid assists in fixing a choker around Stiles throat. Her hands are cold despite the roaring fire in the grate. The choker is a string of blood red rubies, they reflect the firelight with a wet shine like an open wound.

First to Know by Twisted_Mind

They fold to their knees in the vee of his legs. His hands cradle their cheek and the back of their neck, and they lean into the touch, eyes closing. “It’s mine.”

“What’s yours, darling?”

They drag in a shaky breath, and look up into the face of the man they love. “The magic. It’s mine. My spark did this.”

Chances by SpookyMiscreant

Supernaturals have soulmarks, everyone knew that, but it was ignorant to think that supernaturals only fell in love with supernaturals. It wasn’t necessarily rare for humans to have marks, but not common either. Supernatural kids all anxiously await the full moon after their fifth birthday, but human kids let the full moon pass without much anticipation.Stiles’ mother had made him stay up that night in his underwear as she searched him with a flashlight, intent to see if he was supernatural like his father. The inherent problem here was that Stiles was then and always will be covered head to toe in moles, freckles, and birthmarks.

walk walk (fashion baby) by rightsidethru

Derek shrugged a shoulder and moved the chopsticks through the broth. “Cora’s decided that she wants to transfer out to Berkley, and Uncle Peter has decided to relocate here again. Unfortunately, his reputation is preceding him and not even the three grand we’re offering for the photoshoot is enough to get a model to stay.”

At hearing the amount of money that Derek was actually offering to pay someone for one temporary job, Stiles choked on his noodles and began wheezing for breath as he went into a coughing fit. “Three? Three grand? Three thousand dollars??”

Three thousand dollars would be enough to pay for his rent for the next few months. Or—pay for the upcoming month and give Stiles a chance to buy some of the more advanced books on magical theory that Elder Potter was willing to let Stiles borrow but not keep. Being able to buy his own copies… Stiles’ fingers twitched in almost immediate booklust.

“I’ll do it,” Stiles announced.

Cause I Want You (all to myself) by LadySlytherin

Stiles has an odd habit of licking Peter, seemingly at random and without much thought. Peter takes a lot longer than he should to figure out why.

or

Six Times Stiles Stilinski Licked Peter Hale…and one time Peter licked Stiles instead.

If I Could Kiss You Again by Triangulum

“Summer plans?” Peter asks, eyes on where Isaac is now trying to inch along the ceiling beam toward the wall where he can slide down a pipe.

“Leaving for Stanford in September. Saving the world and working in between now and then,” Stiles says. “Why, gonna miss me?”

“Considering I’ll be left alone with Derek? Yes,” Peter says.

“You’ll have Cora,” Stiles says. “And Isaac will be here to make up a few high school credits.”

There’s a shriek and a thud as Isaac loses his grip, falling on top of Erica and Boyd, sending them all to the ground in a heap.

“Yes,” Peter says flatly. “Thank god for that.”

OR

Five times Stiles kisses Peter and one time Peter kisses him.

Orbital Distance by neglectedtuesday

Artemis, the capital city of the Moon, where movies are born and stars are made. The crown jewel of American cinema and simultaneously Hollywood’s biggest rival. The money may be dollars, it may be counted as the 51st state but the studios run this city, making cinema and waging war. No real bloodshed but equally cutthroat in its own way. Peter has devoured article after article about the industry, from in-depth journalism to gossip rags, desperate for every detail, every scandal, every glorious moon moment.

Hooverville by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)

Town to town, train to train, tent to tent.

By 1932, the dust had begun to blow and the jobs were gone.

Anonymity was a byproduct of looking for work, which made it both necessary and convenient.

Stiles had enough secrets of his own to know to look the other way when he saw something that shouldn’t be possible.

The ghost of a tail giving enough balance to disembark a moving train.

Near silent Latin whispered on the edge of a tent encampment.

A flash of burning eyes.

He had more than enough to worry about without adding the oddities of others, and besides- having unusually sharp teeth certainly didn’t make a man worse than the ones running from the wife and kids they couldn’t feed.

So Stiles kept his observations to himself. He kept his everything to himself.

Until he met a man. One with eyes so blue they seemed to glow- and then they did.

Stiles tried to look away, but for the first time he was stopped.

“Don’t be like that sweetheart. Aren’t you curious?”

Rhythm of the War Drums by HyperLittleNori (Shiguresan)

The foreboding song of the drums rumbled through the stands above, made his heart, his blood pound with their increasing rhythm. He’d seen this so many times now, heard the sickening, morbid excitement of the rabble. He readied himself for the carnage, but even nearly a year after he’d first stood in this spot, it still filled him with dread.

As always, he watched the sandy arena through the barred steel gates. They vibrated with the movement, with the almost deafening sounds of the crowd and the drums. A sea of guards stood at his back, but they were not there for him…

Two Worlds Collided by Bittah_Wizard

It was always meant to be Stiles and Peter.

Always.

A Stranger Comes to Town by Bunnywest, DiscontentedWinter, Twisted_Mind

Peter claps his hands together once. “Right! Let’s start getting to know each other, shall we? We can all take turns introducing ourselves, and explaining who we are as writers. I’ll go first.” He stays standing, and spreads his arms wide for a moment. “As I hope you all know, I’m bestselling author Peter Hale. If there’s been a terrible mistake and you didn’t mean to be here, this is your chance to run.”

He gives another charming smile to the tittering biddies on his right. He sketches a dramatic little bow, and then goes on. “Twice a year, I come out here to teach The Masterclass on writing, providing new talent,” he winks at the MFA-wannabes on the left, tucking his hands in his pockets, “with a safe environment to share your work and equip yourselves with the tools for success. I’m looking forward to getting to know you all this weekend.”

Keep You Like An Oath by Green

After 7 years in prison, Peter has important matters to attend to — and at the top of his list is the young mate he left behind, unclaimed for their own protection. But, for all his good intentions, Stiles has always needed him — now more than ever.

Too Much Of A Good Thing by GracieBirdie

Stiles can’t just leave Boyd and Erica chained up in a hunter’s basement, and if the only person willing to listen to him when he asks for help is a formerly dead psychopath? Well, Stiles supposes he could do worse. But of course nothing in Stiles’ life is ever just that simple…

All The Things We’d Do by GracieBirdie

Stiles’ time travel spell doesn’t work out quite right but he figures he should make the best of it, starting with Laura Hale.

The Promises Of Yesterday, The Pledges Of Tomorrow by ShippersList

Stiles is a kid with serious concentration issues and definitely not a guide—let alone a guide strong enough to calm down a feral Sentinel wolf. It’s just not possible.

Thighs Verse by Bunnywest

I’ll give you what you need, pretty boy. And you can call me Sir.

The hairs on the back of Stiles’s neck prickle at that, and his dick throbs. He clicks on the profile and the picture that pops up is UN-FUCKING-FAIR. Jesus Christ on a bicycle, nobody should look like that. The man’s staring into the camera, a smile that’s almost a sneer on his face. And what a face it is. Intense blue eyes, cheekbones like cut glass, and a strong jawline covered in the perfect amount of stubble. His neck, what Stiles can see of it, is thickly muscled, and Stiles can see the beginnings of a tattoo that travels down. There’s the tiniest scattering of grey at his temples, and Stiles breathes out, “Oh yes, Sir,” as he drinks in the details on the profile.

Or, the one in which Stiles experiments with Grindr, and finds his Sir.

The Boy Sleuth by Shey

Stiles is eight when he discovers a box of his mom’s old Nancy Drew Mysteries in the back of the guest bedroom closet.

Magnificent Mischief by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)

“Marvelous Miss and the Magnificent Mischief!” the carnival barker shouted just outside the corridor with all the food tents. “Come see Miss Paige do amazing tricks with her talking raven! He not only speaks, but he jokes! He teases! He philosophizes!”

Escaping by Green

“We have to go. Now, Peter.”

Peter’s holding his apartment door open, standing in shock, looking at Stiles. “What? How do you even know where I live?”

The Chasm and the Clash by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)

Stiles has dreams of the Alpha after he dies. It makes no sense. He didn’t know Peter before… did he?

Did Peter know him?

And why does his head hurt so much?

[blehbleehhhh]

An EreMika Baby😍💕

idkwhatimdoingsometimes has a ridiculously adorable request that I cant wait to share: "Hi! Hope you're doing ok❤️ can I suggest a eremika family fanfic where eren has to go away for a few days for a job in the survey corps and then returns home to greet his waifu and baby son and he just becomes super loving and doting? I thought about this last night at like 3am and thought it was adorable ❤️❤️❤️" So, I think I died after writing this. Way too cute of an idea. Don't come for me when you get a fluff induced heart attack. Sorry it took me a while to write, but I hope you all enjoy the sweetest couple ev as parents 😭❤️ Not all of the recent crazy shit in the canon-verse has transpired in this case.

It's been well over a year since the titans were successfully eradicated and there are many towns filled with homes that must be repaired. Levi has some very big shoes to fill after assuming Erwin's position as commander of The Su͏r͏vey Corps. Many of his talented soldiers have received some well deserved promotions such as Eren and Jean, who are now squad captains that lead their own soldiers to be just as fierce as themselves. Quite a few of them have joined the large group that gathered to help rebuild Connie's old village and wonderful things were done by the military in the hopes of helping humanity to start over. Nobody understands that desire better than Eren, who managed to mend the fragile relationship with his childhood friend Mikasa after the shifters were cured a few years back. They became inseparable immediately and have been an item for almost two years now, so it certainly wasn't long until a bed was added to the mix. And with the titans finally gone, everyone is feeling much more comfortable bringing children into the world again. The day that her pregnancy was discovered, they both agreed that one would always stay behind whenever expeditions arise in the off chance something horrific happens that would leave their baby son, Hannes, without his adoring parents. That was also the day Eren risked his life by suggesting a much deserved early retirement, since it's no longer necessary for her to be tethered at his hip. Mikasa's reaction was a gamble given her unpredictable pregnancy hormones at the time, though he truly wasn't surprised when she so passionately insisted that being soldiers has already made them good parents. His heart shattered as he watched tears stream down her face and slight confusion overcome her because something that was once so simple to control has now turned almost impossible for the moment. It was very obvious to the young man that she felt unsure as to why this reaction was so powerful at all. They both know that on any other occasion when trying to explain how much she loves what they do, especially now that they're really getting the chance to help others, wouldn't have made her break down. He'd conceded immediately of course, heartbroken and kicking himself extra hard for making her cry even though his instincts scream to protect her and their, at the time, unborn baby. After growing up together, living through a literal hell, and now that his shifting ability is cured, Eren fully intends to live out the rest of his days with this incredible woman.

Horse hooves gallop through an expansive valley before the old, abandoned castle that The Survey Corps now call home. They have been gone for three days now, so everyone felt a wave of relief and some even laughed with excitement. But the young father can only focus his attention on the barn visible in the distance and push his steed to gallop even harder. Thoughts of finally getting to hold Mikasa and their baby have been pleasantly clouding his mind since he kissed her goodbye a few days earlier, when they smiled as they conversed about how amazing this little boy is already because even the great Commander Levi can be seen frequently showing some degree of amusement since his birth. Uncle Armin is naturally Hannes's Godfather and seems to get a great amount of good from him as well. Who wouldn't love to see the toothless grin that he's recently discovered is possible to make, or look into those piercing little emeralds? This baby has been a gift to them all and with some other soldiers finally beginning to settle down, more tiny tots are sure to follow. Somehow while in casual conversation with comrades a few days earlier, the question was asked if he and Mikasa have considered adding another baby to their sweet little family. His immediate reaction was to smile and say no, that they haven't even thought about having a second child yet since she just had Hannes only three months ago. It was a lot to get used to at first that’s for sure, but the couple would absolutely die for their son and love him more than life itself.

The horses trotted up to the barn in unison as their hooves crunch through dried up leaves scattered on the autumn ground. Eren smiles as he swiftly dismounts his horse and allows his very fatigued mind to linger that crazy schedule the baby has his girl on. It's very strict, and his own body woke him up consistently while he was gone because he's so used to the way their old bed frame sometimes creaks when she attempts to sneak out of his arms to nurse their son, that he actually longs to hear it again. He lives for those heartwarming moments when she crawls back in bed afterwards and cuddles into him so she rests her cheek on his chest, because then he gets to feel how quickly she drifts off to sleep with those soft breaths on his neck. Fuck, I missed them so much. Eren smiles to himself as he gathers his tack with one arm and locks his horse in its stall, then half runs into the tack room to put everything away. He weaves himself through that hoard of soldiers and books it from the barn, completely ignoring Armin's friendly greeting from where he sat playing cards with some of their comrades because he’s so determined to get upstairs. But it didn't bother the blond at all, he simply smiled and shook his head. "I truly cannot think of two people who deserve to be happier." Eren heard him say and others in the room agree enthusiastically, a remark that he couldn't help but smile at. It's around mid day now, which means that Mikasa has already finished nursing their son and put him down for a nap, and will most likely be asleep herself. He opens the door carefully to avoid it's annoying creak and felt instant relief come over him to see his son safely sprawled out on his back, fast asleep in the crib at the end of their bed. He smiles as he carefully closes the door behind him and silently removes his boots, fixating his eyes on his girl while she sleeps peacefully curled up in a ball under the blankets. He sneaks around the crib to crawl into bed behind her and gingerly slides an arm under the pillow far from where her head lies, then drapes the other over her side to gently tuck his hand underneath. There was a sudden soft sigh when she slowly stretched her body back into his warm embrace, giving one glance over her shoulder with a sleepy smile as she blinks away her drowsiness. He always thought it was cute when she did stuff like that.

"You're back.." Mikasa mumbles as she turns her upper half to lean in for a sweet, welcoming kiss on the lips. "Try to keep your voice down, he's not sleeping well for me today." She yawns quietly into her hand and rests her head on the pillow once more, smiling wide as he presses light kisses to her cheek.

"Aw, poor kid." Eren whispers and smirks as she turns her head to meet his gaze, knowing that he loves this woman more than words can say. Hell, he always has. "Maybe he just missed his daddy."

"I know I missed his daddy.." She chuckles sleepily as her eyes flicker between those incredible emeralds and his highly kissable lips.

"Is that right?" He smiles and raises an eyebrow as he gently cradles her cheek in his hand, and she nods her head enthusiastically. Of course his amusement only grows as she leans in to kiss him, forcing them both to silence their own quiet laughter as not to wake the precious baby sleeping nearby. The last thing he needs is to be woken up before he's ready.

"So, how’d it go?"

"Exceptionally well. I believe we rebuilt around forty homes on this trip.”

"Gosh, I bet you looked really hot being all sweaty and whatnot..." Mikasa smiles between their soft, persistent kisses in response to his muffled laugh. "It's too bad that I wasn't there to see your incredible muscles in all their muscly glory.."

"Muscly glory?" Eren pulls away, pressing his lips together to keep himself from laughing aloud and smiling as he sits back to gaze into her eyes. "What the hell is that?"

"Heh, I’m sorry. I guess I’m still a little sleepy.."

"I know you're sleepy, Mika. It's pretty cute."

"You shut your mouth, hot shot, you're pretty cute yourself." Their attention is drawn to the foot of the bed when the baby suddenly stirs in his sleep, stretching his arms and legs before falling motionless once more with a tiny, squeaky sigh. Mikasa slowly sits up and blinks, clearing her vision to clear her vision that his little eyelids are still closed. The bed moves beside her and she can feel a wide grin stretch across her face when a pair of lips press tenderly against her cheek.

"You're both exceedingly adorable, you know. It's unacceptable." Eren chuckles lightly and pulls away to look at her as tears run down rosy, porcelain cheeks. He frowns as he moves his hand to gently cradle her opposite cheek and brought her closer to softly kiss those tears away. She grasps his wrist and gives a loving squeeze as he sits back to study her face. He smiles at her small grin of amusement and gently pushes his fingers through her hair. "Are you ever going to stop crying about how cute he is?"

"I mean, probably not.."

"I don't think you've stopped being weepy since you gave birth. Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, gosh," Mikasa smiles, chuckling softly as she leans in to plant a kiss on his concerned frown. "And I worry to much?"

"You do worry to much and you know it. I just, I remember a few times from some of my old man's patients where women who give birth can become more sensitive. Often first time mothers, too."

"Look, I appreciate your concern, okay?" She says, their voices still at the same whispers as they gently rub the tips of their noses together. "But I would tell you if I were feeling sad."

"Would you?"

"Meh..."

"Exactly."

"No, seriously, I'll be upfront with you. We promised that to each other when we started dating, don't you remember?"

"Of course I do." Eren smiles as he presses his lips to hers and is pleased to feel these kisses returned so sweetly, the way they always are. He reaches for the silky hair invading their kiss and carefully pushes it aside, following her back slowly with their lips locked as he cradles her cheek in his large hand. They pull apart slowly after the need for air became too great to ignore and he smirks as he gazes lovingly into her eyes. "You're right, I'm sorry." He kisses her again and again, and pretty soon they were both trying desperately not to laugh aloud. But they were much more successful after the second time they pulled away and he suddenly found himself laying on his back. He adorably bites his lip as he moves his arm aside for her to cuddle into him and she couldn’t help but laugh to herself because the sight of someone known for being so tough has the sweetest soft side. She grins and happily takes her place laying up against him as he tightens his strong arm around her waist, knowing that he’s already more than used to the butterflies that’ll arise automatically from her lips smiling on his neck.

"Heh, thank you." Mikasa yawns softly as she listens to the comforting sound of his healthy heart beat and observes their little boy continue to sleep soundly. "I didn't think I'd get him down for his nap. He slept pretty well for me last night, though. Only woke up twice."

"That's wonderful. I was worried he wouldn't sleep well for you while I was gone since his routine would be all screwed up."

"He definitely loves being rocked to sleep by his daddy.."

"I missed you two so much it's honestly crazy."

"We missed you too." She smiles on his neck and presses her lips to this space as she lightly traces a small heart in the center of his chest. "I love you." Her lips smile against his skin once more when he kisses the top of her head.

"I love you too. You're mine for always."

"My heart only beats for you and our precious baby.." Mikasa smiles wide as she kisses up to his jaw and pulls away to rest her head on his chest. He lays his cheek on the top of her head as they cuddle together in silence and enjoy each other's company. The baby awakens gradually as his tiny hands wander up to rub his sleepy eyes and stretches out his limbs. His parents smile adoringly at their little boy as he watches them intently. "Gosh, both of my boys are so handsome.." She giggles softly as the hand resting on her hip slowly rubs along her side.

"Yeah, you're right, sometimes it is like I'm looking in a mirror." Eren says and she can hear the endearing change to his dreamy voice, even that his heartbeat increases with excitement. "So, did he laugh for you while I was gone? Or did I miss that milestone too like I missed the very first time he rolled over?" That was a heartbreaking moment for the young man who wasn't even on a mission at the time, but simply completing tasks on his 'hunny-do' list elsewhere. But without fail, his girlfriend had scooped up their baby boy and ran as safely as she could to share the incredible news with him. And when he finally saw Hannes roll over for the first time, he couldn't help but clap and smile his praises.

"Nope, though I got close a few times when he rolled on his belly. He was stuck for a little bit longer today so he wasn’t very happy with me," She giggles when their son flashes a wide, gummy grin and her heart feels absolutely full with the addition of Eren's genuine laughter. "Were you, baby boy?"

"His smile is adorable like yours."

"But those are your incredible eyes and handsome facial features in mini form." Mikasa turns her head slightly and presses her smile to the underside of his chin before she slides out of bed. She walks over to the crib and carefully lifts the baby into her arms, propping him up against her chest with his chin on her shoulder as she gently cradles the back of his head in her hand. "I'm certain that your mother would absolutely lose her mind over this little cutie..." She smiles as she softly kisses her baby's temple and one of his chubby cheeks, joyful eyes already locked on her loving boyfriend.

"Gosh, you think? Give him here, please, I've been dying to hold him for days." Eren smiles as he sits up in bed and takes his son, gently cradling his head in his hand with the other stretched under his back for a stable base. "Ah, there's my little guy.” He chuckles as he brings him closer to plant a kiss on his forehead. The baby reaches up to touch his father's nose and his smile, all while maintaining a still expression like he's utterly fascinated. "Wow, I sure missed you." He smiles and kisses the baby's fingertips as they feel across his lips, taking in all of his facial features.

"I love to watch you with him," Mikasa smiles as she climbs into bed beside her boyfriend and their son plays with one of his fingers. It's clearly too large for him to hold since he needs to use both tiny hands, but Hannes could care less based on that wide grin. "You're such a great Daddy."

"Loving him is easy. Hannes is both of us and I think that's pretty incredible."

"I always like to think that he has an angel on his shoulder watching over him. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I do. I like that." Eren turns to her and gives a smile that would have been bigger if her eyes weren't tearing up. The only good thing that comes from situations like these is how beautiful her eyes become, more so than they are already. That incredible man meant a lot to both of them, so his brutal death was particularly horrific. "Big Hannes. One hell of a guardian angel, that's for sure." They smile as they lean in to share a sweet, comforting kiss and their baby coos joyfully in his father's arms. "I'm absolutely crazy about you, you know." He smiles as she lovingly rubs the tip of her nose against his and gives a gentle, playful pull on his son's hands with the finger they continue to squeeze. His thumb lightly rubs over the top of his tiny hands and the young man frowns at the soft sniffles coming from his girl.

"Well, I've been crazy about you longer." She giggles as he crashes his lips crash against hers and runs her thumb over the dimple on his cheek.

"I don’t know about that, but I'm pretty sure I hid it better. Apparently everyone except for me knew that you were into me."

"You're the most handsome, oblivious human being I've ever met." Mikasa smile as they turn their attention down to the baby, who has adorably stuffed his tiny fist into his mouth. Surly if he were a few weeks older he would be gracing them with fits of laughter based on that familiar, playful expression that leads to everyone seeing his toothless grin so often. She watches in high amusement as her boyfriend carefully lays their baby on the bed and tickles his stomach. The little boy removes his fist from his mouth to give a wide, gummy grin that made both of his parents laugh. "He's so cute that I'm actually crying."

"I can't get enough of him. God, he smiles like you. Did you know that, Hannes? You smile just like your mommy." Eren laughs as he lightly tickles under the baby's chin with his fingertip, then gives his nose a gentle poke. "You even have her cute little nose." He smiles as she buries her face in the crook of his neck and a dainty hand slides around the width of his bicep. The dainty hands that have killed for him and the sake of humanity, for the chance to have a moment just like this.

"Goodness, you literally have not stopped flirting with me since you got home..." Mikasa grins as she presses her lips to his tanned cheek.

"I haven't been home for three days, babe."

"What, you're playing catch up are you?"

"Basically." He looks into her eyes with a dreamy smile and her heart flutters the way it always does.

"You're the worst..."

"I love you too." The way he laughs tells her that she's never seen him this content, at least not in a very long time. His energy couldnt feel more bubbly nowadays, which coincidentally began when their relationship was finally allowed to blossom and peaked the day that Hannes was born. "Do you have any idea how much daddy worried about you while he was gone?" Eren smiles as he gently rubs his thumb over the top of his son's hands and receives an impressive grip on his finger. "That's right, I lost count how many times I had to reassure myself that you and mommy were perfectly safe."

"We managed while daddy was away, huh, Hannes?" Mikasa giggles as she watches Eren's fingers gently tickle over the baby's stomach, making him squeal loudly in merriment. A different sound that the young parents haven't heard but a few other times before. They look to each other in shock, and one smiles wide as she pats the other's shoulder excitedly. "W-was that it?! Did he?!"

"He's so close! Come on little guy!" Eren smiles as he gentle tickles once again, making the baby react in the same adorable way. "Drastic times call for drastic measures. It always works to get you laughing, so, I wonder..." He says as he pushes the baby's shirt over his plump little belly and leans down to gently blow on his stomach. That did it. The baby immediately bursts into hysterical giggles and squeals with excitement once more as his ecstatic mother wipes away her tears of pure joy. Eren laughs as the baby continues giggling and playfully flails his little limbs excitedly. He sits up to look into those tiny eyes and smiles as his girl lovingly dusts the fuzzy chocolate hairs from the their son's face.

"Oh, my precious baby!" Mikasa smiles as leans down to give repeated kisses to his chubby cheek, making the baby giggle enthusiastically in response. "Heh, now that he's figured out how to laugh, we're gonna get to hear it all the time. I'm so excited!" She says in a way that makes the baby smile and the couple laugh together as he presses a kiss to her cheek, carefully resting his chin on her shoulder. "Oh, you are just too cute!"

"He really is." Eren smiles as he wraps his arm around her waist and touches the other to the baby's cheek. He gives a playful, gentle pinch and is rewarded with an adorable giggle and matching toothless grin. "Thank you for braving through that horrific pain for us to have him."

"Horrific pain is an understatement. I thought my shattered rib cage was the worst pain ever but it's definitely worth it."

"So, you would consider...?"

"Having another baby?" Mikasa smiles as she gently pokes the tip of her son's nose and the young couple laugh at the sound of his contagious giggles. She kisses his little cheek and pulls away to look into those dazzling emeralds that perfectly resemble his father's eyes. The baby boy grins as he flails his arms and legs happily, making them poor over their coos of joy. "Heh, let's just enjoy him for a little longer."

"I'm not saying that I wanted to right now, silly girl. I was thinking we could start trying when he turns one, if you were okay with that of course."

"Alright," She agrees enthusiastically as she turns to meet his gaze with an adorable smile and blushes lightly at his dreamy smirk. "I'd be okay with that. Can you handle me being pregnant again?"

"Oh, good point.." He says to her in a way that clearly conveys he's teasing and smiles as she kisses him on the lips. "Mikasa, you literally aren't any different than you are normally when you're pregnant. Just maybe slightly more moody, but only if I haven't fed you in at least an hour."

"Really?"

"Seriously. So, stop worrying about that. Besides, if anything like the times you couldn't control your tears happens again, I have no problem holding my girl." He lovingly tightens his arm around her waist and kisses the side of her neck as he smoothes his hand over the baby's belly. Eren chuckles to himself when he feels tiny hands playing with his fingers and looks up with a smile. "What are you doing, Hannes? Hm?" The baby grins as he studies his father's eyes and sleepily blinks his tiny eyelids.

"I love hearing you call me your girl. It’s still so surreal.” She smiles as she watches him gingerly slide a hand under the baby's head and low back to lift him off the bed. He adjusts him carefully in his arms as he rises out of bed and cradles the boy safely against his solid form. Mikasa sits up and brings her knees up to her chest as she watches him with their little boy. He’s a natural. "It's attractive how great you are with children, you know..."

"Watch it." He smirks and shifts his focus down to the baby as he carefully supports the back of his head in his hand. This is what Eren always does when they've been struggling with getting Hannes to sleep. They aren't even sure why it works so well when he clearly doesn't have a favorite. But it's something he loves to do, to cradle the baby safely in his arms as he slowly rocks from side to side. Since the baby's face is resting in his father's direction, Eren could hear those soft whimpers of retaliation because he'd much rather be awake socializing with his parents. "It's alright, buddy. Daddy's gotcha." He frowns as he kisses the tears from his son’s rosy cheek and glances up to meet Mikasa's loving gaze. They share a smile as she rests her chin on her arms and watches his paternal side come out, gradually gaining control of the little cries their baby whimpers. Eren makes careful movements with the baby in his arms until he was cradled against his father's chest somewhat unhappily, though that's only because he doesn't want to fall asleep yet. The young man tilts his arm up carefully to plant a soft kiss to his son's forehead as he continues to soothe him to sleep. It's surprising to the couple that it seems to be working so quickly today, since within a few minutes of that first tiny cry of retaliation, Hannes's eyelids were fluttering shut once more.

"My hero..." She whispers and grins when he playfully rolls his eyes.

"Why don't you try and get some rest?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I got this. Seriously, I don't want to see those beautiful eyes again for at least an hour and that's an order."

"Yes, Captain Jaeger." Mikasa smiles as she reclines back in bed and cuddles with her pillow. She watches him through sleepy eyes as a grin plasters on that handsome face and he slowly sways from side to side. His attention flickers between his two greatest loves and he smiles at the baby's sigh of content. It was clear from how Hannes struggles to keep his eyes open that it wouldn't be long now until he'll fall asleep once more and give his father a much needed cuddle session. He glances over his shoulder to see that Mikasa had finally given in to fatigue, just like their little one.

"You two are so much alike already." Eren whispers to his son and smiles as he slowly wanders over to the rocking chair in the corner of the bedroom. He takes care when he sits down as not to disturb the baby and grabs the blanket that was draped over the back of the chair so he could cover his legs, all the way up to the baby's chest. Hannes's eyes open momentarily and his father can see tears waiting to pool over from those litttle emeralds. He sniffles and sighs softly as his eyelids slowly flutter shut once more, his tiny hands moving up to rub his sleepy eyes. The young father smiles and carefully tucks the blanket under his son’s arms as he gets comfortable in the chair. After he double checks that the blanket is far enough from the baby's face, Eren finally allows himself to recline his head back and close his eyes. Having the privilege of raising a family with this woman is more than he ever could have asked for and he's truly looking forward to what the rest of their lives have in store for them. Their goal has always been to be outside the walls, but now that they have Hannes, such a journey would prove to be rather dangerous. He knows one thing for certain; that they'll always be home as long as they're together, Mikasa, himself, and their adorable baby boy.

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Going Through Motions {10}

Title: Going Through Motions {10}

Steve Rogers X Reader OFC Korral “Korri” Evans

Warning: Plot, Cursing, Angst, Violence, Slow Burn

Word Count: 2.5K

Summary: You and Steve had a hot, passionate, and wild romance seven years ago when you worked with the Avengers. It was the best year of your life; you’d never felt the things you’d felt in all your life. Then out of nowhere, Steve just ended things—in a letter. A heartbreaking letter, then the world deemed him a criminal, and he disappeared. Now, you’ve moved on and have gotten engaged to rich man Marc Spector. Tony brings you back to work with the newly rebuilt Avengers that is still led by Captain America who is definitely done asking for permission and not looking for forgiveness. Or is he?

Note: So, for this fic, we are going to alter the MCU timeline a bit. This takes place after Civil War, but Infinity War has not happened yet. Steve is off the grid for seven years before he comes back. {I know that’s a long time, but let me rock please} Also, I’m going to be introing/adding in Moon Knight (Marc Spector) in just because I feel like it and I want to start exploring other Marvel characters and of course I will twist him to serve my purposes.

**Loosely Edited/Proofread

~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Steve- 

Eight hours. It had been eight hours since you were unconscious. Eight hours since you’d injected yourself with the Hydrolomed. Eight hours since you’d subsequently signed your death certificate. He was still in shock, still fuming, but even though he was shocked and angry, he didn’t expect any less from you. You always wanted to save people; it was one of the reasons he fell in love with you. You were selfless—now to a fault. He’d been working hard to stave away the emotion that wanted attention—terror. He was terrified of what this meant. 

Tony and Bruce jumped right into action to get you through every scan that still worked at the compound. When that wasn’t enough, the quinjet was fired up, and you were brought to Stark Towers where they’d been working for the last six hours trying to assess the situation and get their hands on every piece of research from Zemo and anyone who ever came in contact with this virus. While they worked, he never left your side. How could he? 

“Have you slept?” 

The sound of Buck’s voice made him look away from you for the first time in hours. Stretching his muscles, he sighed out.  

“Of course not, that was a stupid question.” Bucky sat on the other side of your bed in the empty chair and looked at you. 

“I thought you were going to lay low and rest,” he said. Bucky smiled, shrugged, then rubbed his stubbled jaw. 

“I’ve rested long enough. Plus, I got wind of something I thought you should know,” Bucky explained. 

His eyes went right back to you. After seven years, he knew he’d never get over you. He didn’t know what he’d do if he lost you now—again. 

“We’re gonna figure this out, Steve,” Bucky assured. He wasn’t so sure. From his encounters with Zemo back in his early Captain America days, he knew just what to expect, knew the types of sinister weapons he and his counterparts had the power to cook up. He knew the destruction that they always left behind. Pinching his nose bridge, he felt the pressure and tension from the added stress of worrying about you. He knew he couldn’t let anything happen to you. 

 “Damn it! I should have taken it from her and injected myself.” 

“You know she would have never let you take it. You two are just so disgustingly protective of each other. She took it because she knew you would have. She didn’t give you the opportunity.” 

“She’s so rash all the time. She doesn’t ever stop and think before she does something. God damn it!” He bolted up and paced the floor of the medical room.

 “Calm down.” 

“Calm down? Buck, it’s Korri! My Korri—my—world! How do I calm down?” 

He was possibly one of the strongest if not the strongest man in the world, and right now, he felt the like weakest. He felt defeated. Bucky crossed the room to him and rested his metal arm on his shoulder.  

“I know buddy. I know just what she means to you. I know how much you gave up for me, and if I could go back and change things, I would. I would have never let you leave her. I can’t imagine the world of hurt you’re in right now, but we gotta be strong for her. Remember what we used to say when we were kids?” 

He scoffed because he did remember. They were two boys running around Brooklyn, causing trouble and eating hard candies. “It ain’t over till it’s over,” he said. Bucky patted his back and nodded then pulled him in for a hug. 

“It sure ain’t over Steve.” 

He looked at the watch on his wrist that he’d started after you passed out. It was now nine hours. They were slowly running out of time. 

Another hour found him alone with you before he was called out over a development Tony and Bruce wanted him to see. Reluctantly he hurried down to the briefing room to hear what they had to say. Everyone was crowded in the room. 

“What’s so important?” 

“Is she awake?” 

“No, still out.” 

“Well, all the preliminary scans and screens are back,” Tony informed. 

“And?” 

Neither of the men spoke. They just looked between each other, neither wanting to speak. He was quickly getting annoyed with them. He was already at the end of his patience.  

“Someone speak!” 

Well, Zemo’s research looks to be correct--the pieces we have. Her blood shows no sign of being infected, she is not infected. Right now, the virus seems to be in an incubation period. Her body is assessing the new substance and is working its own defense. This defense will eventually break down and allow the virus to travel throughout her body. Slowly it will take hold of her organs and turn her into a—walking, talking death chamber. Anything or anyone she touches or breathes on will contract it, Bruce theorized.” 

“How long?” 

“It’s difficult to say, but we’re going to guess and say six days just like the research says,” Tony finished.  

“So, she’s going to die.” 

Again, everyone was quiet. 

“I’m not giving up Steve,” Nat stepped forward to put her hand on his shoulder.

 “None of us are giving up,” Tony confirmed. 

He looked around the room at the faces of everyone he’d spent the last several years with. They all looked saddened but also determined. When his eyes landed on Ava, even she looked remorseful. 

“What’d I miss?” The sound of your voice at the door brought everyone’s eyes.  

“You shouldn’t be up,” he began as he took steps to you. You held your hands out. 

“Stay back. None of you come any closer. You heard Zemo’s research. I don’t want to hurt any of you.” 

“Korri, it’s fine. You’re fine. We have a few days before we’re there,” Sam informed.  

“He’s right. Plus, I don’t give a shit anyway,” he said. After a few seconds, your eyes left him and moved to where he knew Ava was. 

“Who’re you?” 

They all looked to Ava, who gave a lackluster wave. “Name’s Ava.” 

“Where you from Ava?” 

“Not important.” 

Wanda and Nat stepped to her, no doubt ready to beat an answer out of her. 

“Like hell it isn’t. We just watched a man we were supposed to trust, betray us, and beat the shit out of us. We don’t know you from a hole in the wall. What’s to say you won’t do the same?” Wanda’s hands were glowing, ready to strike. Ava went on guard and began phasing in and out of solidity and glitching like a video game, making the lights flicker. 

“Everyone cool it. Relax. She’s cool,” he vouched. 

“How do you know, Steve?” 

He sighed and decided to go the cautious route. “Ava has helped me, Sam and Buck, out with a few rouge missions before.” 

“Not to mention, I swooped in here and saved your asses,” Ava shouted. 

Wanda stood down as Nat put her batons back into place. “Look, I know we’re all reeling from what just happened, but it’s not the time to attack each other.” He looked back to the doorway, but you were gone. He sighed again. 

“Cap is right. We have bigger problems. We need to find the rest of Zemo’s research ASAP and find a way to slow the virus in Korri. Needless to say, now that the virus is in human play, Johnson and Marc will come for her,” Tony announced. 

“Let them try, they’ll have to get through me,” he said before he walked out the door to find you.  

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

-Korral- 

As you walked along the ledge of the roof, you closed your eyes and used your senses. Everywhere there was noise. Manhattan was the noisiest place you’d ever been. There was constant honking, talking, shouting, the hum of electricity was everywhere, not to mention the sounds of water. The place was downright sensory overload, but you loved it. Often times being at the upstate compound felt disconcerting because of how quiet it was—well, it did without Steve. 

 You opened your eyes and looked down at the city you’d lived for the last seven years. You’d walked those streets hundreds of times, taken the yellow taxis, done so many things there considered New Yorker. You grew up here, and it showed in your attitude and resilience. Resilience you had to tap into now. 

You were nothing but an assignment, a means to an end—this end. 

Closing your eyes, you went over the events of the last few hours. Slowly you went over the chaos at the compound. Words mumbled and jumbled together as they echoed in your head. You were probably still feeling the after-effects of Marc’s powers. He’d actually used his powers on you. You began to wonder how many times he’d done it. Then you recollected the truth.  

“It was all a lie. I never meant anything. He played me.” 

You didn’t know how to feel or what to think. Your instincts were shit. You’d misread him this entire time. You were so lost in your thoughts and distress you didn’t realize anyone coming behind you. 

“Thinking of jumping?” 

When you looked back, there he was, Captain fucking America.  

“You’ve been fucking good ol’ Captain America—behind my back.”  

You almost laughed out loud. You must have been going crazy because none of this was funny. 

“I probably should. Eliminate myself from the equation before I really do irreparable damage.”  

You stuck your foot off of the ledge tempted to do it. If you killed yourself before the virus in you became lethal, then you could have foiled whatever Marc and Tilda were planning by making the virus unusable. It was a small price to pay for the safety of humankind. Right?  

Steve must have sensed your thought because before you knew it, you were in his arms as he moved you from the ledge. Anger rose in you, and you fought against him, making him put you down. When he did, you walked across the roof away from him. 

“God, Korri, why would you do something so stupid!?” 

You spun to him and looked at him with all the anger you felt. “Excuse me?!” 

“Injecting yourself with a virus that is meant to kill. A virus that has not been studied by anyone but a psychopath from Hydra. My god, this has to go down as the dumbest thing you’ve ever done,” Steve ranted. Every word he spoke, you found yourself getting angrier and angrier. How dare he call you stupid and dumb? 

“Listen you blonde asshole don’t call me stupid!” 

“Really, name calling?” 

“When you act like an asshole, you get called an asshole. Don’t wanna be called an asshole, well don’t act like an asshole, Steve!” 

He looked angry as he turned his back to you. He paced back and forth, an action you mirrored. 

“Plus, if I’m so dumb and stupid, why were you thinking of doing the same thing. The only thing is I beat you to it.”  

Steve stopped and looked at you. You knew he would have done the same damn thing. If he’d gotten the canister instead, he would have done it in a heartbeat. He knew you knew it. Steve closed his eyes, pinched his nose bridge, and sighed out as he walked to the ledge to stare at the blue sky. 

When he began, his voice was soft, raw. “God, Korri, do you have any idea what you’ve done?” 

You didn’t bother answering, you knew it was rhetorical. Instead, you walked to the ledge as well and stood beside him, but not too close. 

“I took the virus off the table for them.” 

“And pulled my heart from my chest in the same breath.” Again, Steve sighed. You chanced a look at him and saw the worry on his face. 

“I did what had to be done, the same thing you would have done, the same thing Nat, Wanda, or Sam would have done. Whatever it takes. Right?” 

“You should have let me do it.” 

“The world needs Captain America; it doesn’t need me.” 

Steve was to you, pulling you to look at him in the blink of an eye. Your body pressed to his, and that was all it took for your heart to thud against your chest like you’d just run a marathon. Marc never had that effect.

“I need you Korri--me. Fuck what the world needs. What about what I need? I’m tired of giving them and everyone what they need, I want to take what I need. I need you.” 

The emotion in his voice broke your heart, and the tears in his eyes ruined you. 

 “You’re the one who told me sacrifice the needs of the few for the many.” 

“Fuck the many. Seven years Korri. Seven. I missed seven years and now--.” The words strangled in his throat, and he dropped his head. You’d only seen him discouraged once before when he spoke about Bucky and losing him.  

“Now you have six days to say goodbye.” Steve roughly pulled away from you and walked across the roof. 

Your words sunk in. He would have to say goodbye. You were going to die. You were going to die.  

“This whole time Marc was lying to me. He preyed on me, used me, and I didn’t see it at all. I was blind, but I don’t know how. It wasn’t by love or a sense of passion, or the sex. He was gorgeous but, it wasn’t beauty, I was blinded by my sheer stupidity.” 

“You’re not stupid Korri.” 

“You just called me dumb and stupid.” 

“With injecting yourself with an old lethal virus, yes, but with that, you’re not.” 

You stared down over the ledge and tried to piece together just how you’d been duped. Several minutes passed in silence. 

“Was what he said—true?” His words were hesitant, reluctant even. 

“What, that he’d had his fingers between my thighs?” You looked at him, but he couldn’t look at you. You thought it was funny, he had no problem looking at you before, or touching you, making love to you, tasting you. Now he was struggling. “Yes. It’s true.” 

You thought to explain the context of it but decided against it. If he wanted to believe you were some slut, then fine. Steve didn’t speak again, and neither did you. After almost five minutes, you turned from the skyline and walked back to the door leading inside. 

“Goodbye, Steve.” 

You touched the doorknob but stopped when you heard his voice. 

“Korri, I’m not going to let you die. I promise it, and I never break my promises to you. I’ve only made one before, and I still love you, forever until time and space collide.” 

You actually felt your heart shake, and you were thankful your back was turned because he would have seen the effect his words had. As you walked in, you tried to shake it and remind yourself. Six days.  

~~~~~~~~~~

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[ramblinganthropologist]

Writober 2020 Day 3 - Sculpture

Summary: The cast of Champion have arrived in Kirkwall for filming. Costars Briala and Malcolm decide to explore the city and find some less than impressive statues along the way. At least Malcolm knows how to take pictures.

(That Dragon Age Actor AU, DA2.)

---

There was something about on-location filming that made Briala's heart beat a little faster. Or maybe that was the jet lag?

It was overcast in Kirkwall – it often was. Something about the whole damn place being cursed fucked with the weather patterns. Of course the weather man would never say that, but it was something the locals believed. When Anders sent Elthina to hell, he forever angered the weather gods. Apparently, they were Chantry supporters.

Dumbasses.

“Well, here we are in Kirkwall. It's not raining, this is just the perpetual gloom of the city.”

Briala swirled her phone around to catch the view of the city from where she was standing. Once, they called where she was standing Hightown. It had been pretty much burned down after the mages had broken free of the Gallows, so eventually a lot of set design was going to have to happen. Right then, it just looked like a city.

And she looked like a one-armed punk rocker with a purple mohawk, so she couldn't exactly complain about accuracy.

“No wonder your Shadow Empress' lyricist.”

A voice from above boomed out quietly. Briala didn't aim her phone upward as she broke gaze. By now, she had learned better than to catch Malcolm on camera. He wasn't a big fan of social media to say the least, and she could respect that.

She stuck out her pierced tongue anyway though. “I save my best stuff for the band, you're getting my b grade shit.”

“Well, I'm honored.” Malcolm's Antivan accent probably made all the men weak in the knees, but it was doing nothing for Briala's Ferelden sensibilities. “So, we have time before we have to go where we need.”

They did. She had half expected him to wander off once they had gotten to Kirkwall, but for some reason the giant was sticking by his gremlin. They were definitely getting looks and more than a few whispers from the locals as they walked through the remains of Hightown, picking their way through the bleached rib bones of what had once been the city of chains. It was probably the height difference, given the city's history. Once you saw a pairing like that, there wasn't much else it could be.

Briala shrugged her shoulder as she stowed her phone in her pocket. “Want to check out the Hanged Man? I heard they rebuilt it.”

“Can you handle yourself in-” He stopped. Smart move – she had played in more than a few dive bars since she had started running with Shadow Empress. “No. We'll be there soon enough for shots with Varric anyway.”

Well, boo. Wasn't like she wanted a drink or anything anyway.

Briala fell into step behind Malcolm as they threaded their way through the streets. It certainly didn't feel like they were in Kirkwall, but it wasn't like she knew what it was supposed to be like anyway. Even with the gloom, it just seemed like a regular city. Maybe she had expected abominations or something, or the ghost of Meredith herself to wander the streets at night, still glowing from corrupted lyrium. Kirkwall was supposed to just be... something... and to actually be standing there was kind of a let down.

Ok, maybe she had built it up a little in her mind, but whatever.

“Blooming Rose then?”

“No.”

Briala snickered as she threaded her arm behind her head – the gesture would have been cooler with two, but she didn't exactly have a leg to stand on there. “I was kidding, Malcolm. But since you're shooting me down, how about you make a suggestion?”

“There.”

He had stopped moving, and was pointing a finger towards where the courtyard of the Gallows had once stood. Here, if history served her right, had been where the Hawkes had watched as the Chantry blew sky high on one of Kirkwall's darkest days. Now it was just a plaza, with benches and shit, but there was still the sculptures someone had erected there.

That's when she got the feeling in her gut.

“Yeah... let's go there.”

Together, Briala and Malcolm made their way to the plaza. Here, tourists were gathered with their cameras to take pictures of the statues erected by the city to tell the story of how the Mage Rebellion had gotten its start – you know, besides when Head Enchanter Fiona actually set the whole thing off. Excuse her for being a little sensitive towards elven accomplishments, thank you very much. Still, Anders was important too... though not as much as Fiona was in her mind. Again, see above.

The statues were cast in bronze and stood in battle poses. Each one had a plaque at the base of the podium explaining who they were and why they were so important. The one that represented Meredith was particularly fierce, though Briala half wish they had embedded some LEDs in. The red spotlight was nice, but it would've been better if the damn thing glowed like she had. Still, no doubt it was spooky during Halloween.

“Look, it's you.”

Malcolm was pointing at the second shortest figure in the garden. Briala walked over to it without thinking, stopping at the podium. Cast in bronze and with her sword raised was the likeness of Avery Hawke. Her mouth was open, showing off a pretty impressive fanged grin. That came from the reaver blood, or so the stories said. Her sword should have been glowing too, but apparently bronze wasn't the best medium for that.

They were close to the same height. Maybe the famous hero had a bit more height on her, but everything else was pretty close. If Avery hadn't been wearing her armor, they probably would have had similar builds as well. She had seen plenty of pictures of the woman, but standing next to a sculpture of her was something else altogether.

She brought her phone out without thinking and tossed it to Malcolm. “Can you get our picture?  You just have to hit the button in the middle when you've got it all lined up.”

He caught it – no surprises there – and she got into position. Avery's posture was a little hard, given she had two arms in it. Still, Briala did her best as she mimicked the shot and expression. No doubt with her bright purple mohawk and facial piercings she looked a little silly, but it didn't matter. She was there, that was enough.

Malcolm didn't take long to take the picture. Once he was done, she relaxed and hopped down. At least they hadn't attracted much attention – the tourists were still doing their thing, the locals were giving people the stink eye. All in all, it was a normal day in the former city of chains as people went about their day, no doubt preparing for when traffic was going to be fucked up during filming.

She felt like she should have apologized for that, but it wasn't exactly her fault. She hadn't been the one to decide on on-location filming anyway.

“Thanks, man.” Briala grinned as she inspected the image. “Nice. That one's going on Instagram for sure.”

Honestly, she wasn't sure if he even knew what it was. He was kind of a hipster that way, but she wasn't about to call him out on it. If he wanted to run without social media, that was his choice. Actors were weird like that.

Briala hummed to herself as she fell behind Malcolm – he had said something about a museum to visit. She was working on posting the picture to her social media after doing some mild editing. A few more clicks, and everything was up.

And then she felt the tug on her vest.

There was a tiny hand there, attached to a kid that couldn't have been more than 5. Their little baby horns hadn't even erupted yet – they were just little nubs waiting to become impressive one day if their parent was anything to go by. Either way, they were looking at her with big purple eyes that made her long dead antinatalist heart flutter a little.

“What's up, big guy?”

They let go of her vest and stepped back to a respectful distance. Maybe they were thinking of retreating behind mom's skirt. Said parent had a camera, so they were probably tourists too. What a lovely vacation – come see the city of chains where qunari got their shit rocked by Hawke.

Sounds like the shit her parents would've dragged her to, and that was why they didn't get holiday cards anymore.

“Why aren't you riding on Moses?”

The little one pointed a chubby finger towards Malcolm, his hood still drawn up as he tried to look inconspicuous. The math was floating above Briala's head as she started to put the pieces together. Even she knew she didn't look like Avery just yet, but apparently that didn't matter to the kid. See a tiny gremlin, see a fucking giant human, and presto. You got Hawke.

Well, shit.

Her brain whirred through possible responses as she grinned at them and ruffled their hair. “I gotta stretch my legs, you know. Can't have you outgrowing me before you're 6.”

“I'm 4!” They giggled as she messed with their hair.  “Is there metal in your tongue?”

Briala stuck her tongue out for emphasis. “That's why you don't bite down too hard on your fork when you're eating. The doctor said he could get it out, but I would've had to keep my mouth shut for a couple months and I couldn't even make a day.”

Their eyes went wide as if she had just told them the secret to everlasting life. Mom on the other hand held a chuckle behind her sleeve. Briala mentally sighed in relief at the reaction. For some reason, parents had strange reactions to her tongue piercing.

“Daddy's waiting for us, Adan. Let's leave the nice lady alone.”

The little qunari nodded their big head and turned back to her. “Bye-bye, Hawke!”

They were waving as their mother took their other hand and guided them away. Briala's hand went up without thinking as she also waved goodbye. Then they were gone, and her shoulders slumped in relief. Talk about on the spot acting. Wouldn't Shadow Empress be proud?

“Maybe you should switch to chopsticks.”

Malcolm's deep voice rumbled across the open space as she returned to the fact he was still here. His face was blank, but she knew that tone anywhere. Her smirk gave way to a loud laugh as she fell into step behind him once more.

He had jokes, alright. And that was better than a smart phone any day.

“What, I was working on my feet. Couldn't actually tell the kid I keep fucking beefing it.” The bruises on her ass were proof of that. “Come on, we got museums to look at. First one who finds the best dick pic wins!”

“You're on.”

And then they were off with time still to kill before their next meeting. Briala had a spring in her step as the likes already started to roll in from Instagram, but that was besides the point. Maybe the gloomy city wasn't so bad after all.

She would probably change her mind about that in a few weeks, but hey. Let her live in her delusion a bit longer.

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, DIANA! You’ve been accepted for the role of DIANA. Admin Rosey:  There is a freshness and charm that Daphne brings to everything - her interviews, her conversations, her reasoning. This decision was not at all an easy one because both applications highlighted different aspects of her that we love and adore. But ultimately it was this voice, this distinctly Daphne voice that brought the decision to a close. She makes you fall in love with her that much more. I can't to see what she does when you bring her to life on the dash!  Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Diana

Age | 21

Preferred Pronouns | she/her/hers

Activity Level | y’all know, but I’m about to graduate college + be unemployed for a bit, so I’ll have writing time.

Timezone | PST

How did you find the rp?  | Div Stanning since 2017.

Current/Past RP Accounts | Castora’s account.

IN CHARACTER

Character | Daphne Adèle Allard / Diana

What drew you to this character? | Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Daphne knows this, even if the crown she wears is a halo of thornless roses – and she fucking loves that halo, no matter what the cost is. What draws me to Daphne is that even though she’s an impeccable pickpocket, even though she loves power, and even though she’s got plenty of vices despite her cherubic features,  Daphne loves. She knows what it’s like to suffer (even if it’s not like what others have gone through) and she wants to do something. She wants to help, but how much of that is her ego and how much of that is genuine is ambiguous. There’s that line between a good person and someone who does  good deeds that’s very blurred when it comes to Daphne, and that fascinates me. She looks like someone who would get chewed up and spit out by the mafia, but her light shines brighter. In some ways, she’s like an anti-Marie Antoinette; she’s got that aesthetic, but she’s too bright to do a “Let them eat cake” moment (even though I know she didn’t actually say that) or play peasantry at a fancy cottage. She’s privileged and beloved and smart enough to know how to combine the two.  I also find it fascinating that she almost wishes that she was that princess in an ivory tower – so everyone could be safe – and that while she embodies a little of that trope, she’s this really interesting reversal, where she’s both the princess and the dragon. There’s this interplay between the corruption of power and the trope that the people who don’t want power are the ones best suited for it; Daphne is not as angelic as she looks. She wants to save. She wants to be a heroine. She is hesitant of the power she wants to wield because she knows herself too well. But at the same time, there’s nothing wrong with wanting power. Power and goodness is a zero-sum game, especially in Verona. There’s also something relatable about Daphne that I really like, as her experience with getting bullied is reminiscent of my own. She’s incredibly beautiful, incredibly rich, incredibly powerful, and incredibly adored, but she’s still relatable, or at least, knows how to manage her image so that she comes across as aspirational and human, as well. Also, I adore that she’s 31. She’s got some naivete, but she’s a grown-ass woman with her own ambitions. In addition, her mob name is my name, and I’m shallow.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | (1)  A CROWN FOR YOUR PRINCESS – Daphne doesn’t look like it, but she’s got ambition. Right now, she has not let the fact that’s sees a member of organized crime taint her. She is deified, but there is yet to be blood on her hands. I think it would be interesting for Daphne’s mask of heroism to be pushed when she has to do something truly horrible, truly unforgivable in the name of the Capulet’s. Her desire to do good with her desire to get (and keep) her power at war with one another is interesting to me, and I think pushing her to define her moral compass (or lack thereof) and figuring out where she wants to go in the mob power structures could be interesting to play out. (2) A HEART FULL OF LOVE? - Daphne is a lover. She wants love. She wants it to be real. But she’s also engaged to a man that she doesn’t love and is fascinated by Renzo to the point that he’s described as her Achilles’ Heel. Beau can help her get everything she wants – on the paper, they are a fairytale couple – but he doesn’t inspire passion in her yet; at the same time, she would be upset if he were to step out on her. I think it could be interesting to see Daphne’s own feelings for Beau become more real and have to deal with the implications of real love. Because Daphne wants power. She wants to be a heroine. She wants to be adored. But all she’s let the world see is a mask, a symbol. Not a real woman. And it’s impossible to love a symbol; you can be cherished and adored, but never truly, heartbreakingly loved in the way that she wants to be. (3) O, DEATH – Something about Daphne’s bio that fascinated me is that it describes Beau as an Apollo figure whom Daphne sees more like Hades – a man of death, of isolation, and of riches. She’s darkness where there is light. But Daphne is more of the same – she is Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty, but she has her own affair with the darkness inside of her. She is a Persephone and her own Hades. She knows she’s capable of great horrors, and that she could destroy Verona if she wants to. It would be interesting to see Daphne be pushed to that darker place where she wants the city that she adores to burn. People want to destroy beautiful things. Daphne and Verona are both beautiful, and ripe for rot.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | (Devastatingly) yes.

IN DEPTH

Please choose between the interview or the para sample (or both, if you like!)

In-Character Interview: The following questions must be answered in-character, and in para form (quotations, actions written out if applicable, etc). There is no minimum or maximum limit for your response - simply answer as you would if you were playing the character.

What is your favorite place in Verona? She smooths down her hair, subconsciously rearranging the artful brown curls. Daphne doesn’t need to double or triple check in the mirror whether her lipstick is perfect or her eyeliner is crisp. She knows her angles. She knows herself. And she agreed to this interview. Not to talk about her love life, but to talk about the shelter she had just joined the board of. “I’m a Verona girl through and through,” Daphne laughs. “You’re a Verona native, too – right, Signora? You know that this city can be a lot, putting it mildly. And you know I’m just not being facetious when I say that it’s hard to pick a favorite spot. Hmm…but if I had to pick, I’d pick the Castelvecchio Bridge. For so long, it was a symbol of unity in our divided city. My parents used to take me on long walks around the city when I was little, and I remember stopping and looking out over the river. I just have fond memories of Verona at that bridge. And it’s so horrible what happened – the explosion. To have that bright for the city get taken away, it’s just horrible. I’ve been working with the Verona’s Children Relief Fund to help civilian parents who’ve lost their jobs due to the explosion. They’ve been working with families hurt by Verona’s mob war for over a decade, and really, they’re work is incredible. For example, Carlotta Alberti. She’s a single mother living in Borgo Roma with the cutest 12-year-old ever. Give me a sec –” Daphne pulls out her phone and shows the interviewer a picture of her posing with Carlotta and her son, Leo. “The warehouse Carlotta worked in was damaged during the explosion and it hasn’t been rebuilt. She’s got bills to pay. She’s got a kid to provide a future for. Through the Relief Fund, we’ve managed to set Carlotta up with an entry-level position at Falco & Company that has full benefits and room for her to grow.”

What has been your biggest mistake thus far?

Daphne grits her teeth. She knows the interviewer means no harm with this question. It’s a chance to show that she’s vulnerable and that even though she’s been blessed to the Heavens with fortune, good looks and renown, Daphne Adèle Allard still has it in her to be a woman of the people. And a woman of the people is good, and kind, and loving, and doesn’t think badly of others. Still, the first thought that pops into her head is Beau. Arrogant, useless, cold-hearted man, Daphne thinks, careful not to let her absolute frustration with her husband-to-be show on her face. “That’s a hard question to answer,” Daphne starts. “Not because I haven’t made mistakes. God knows that I have.” Her heart thunders. Daphne Allard could never escape the feeling that she was on the precipice of destruction – not of herself, but of destroying others. “It’s just that I’m a perfectionist, you know? When I do something, I need to do it right because people are counting on me. A mistake is a ripple that can turn into a tsunami.” The interviewer nods, seemingly embarrassed at having to draw attention to the fact that Daphne avoided her previous question. “But if you had to say?”

Daphne only smiles. “Not coming back to Verona sooner. I love France with all my heart, but Verona is my home. I was away for quite a while. There’s this French saying – Petit a petit, l’oiseau fait son nid. Little by little, the bird makes its nest. And I really want to make my nest here.”

The lady nods. “So, are you excited for marriage then?” “You have no idea.” You really don’t.

“Have you talked about kids, yet?” “We’ve discussed it,” Daphne responds coyly.

What has been the most difficult task asked of you? When in doubt, pivot to the wedding – Daphne had learned this at a young age. Everyone adores a blushing bride. “This is a ‘I need to check my privilege’ moment, but can I say planning a wedding? There’s so much that goes into it. Finding a good venue, good security. Finding a dress when you’ve got curves is not as easy as Say Yes to the Dress makes it look. Beau and I are trying our best to plan a sustainable wedding. We haven’t announced the list of charities yet, but we intend to do a no-gift policy. Instead, we’d like to ask our friends and family to donate to an organization on the yet-to-be announced list.” Beau and Daphne had discussed no such thing….at least, not in earnest, but no one needed to do that. “Okay, but in all seriousness – one of the hardest things I’ve been asked to do is forgive. I was bullied a lot as a child because I dared to be fat. I looked different from the other girls at school, and they let me know it. I remember every taunt, every oink made behind my back, every time someone tried to put me on a crash diet. It took a toll on my self-esteem. Every insecurity I have got magnified. And I really hated those girls. And hate really hurts you; generally speaking, it hurts you more than the other people. Since my engagement, a few people who were not the nicest to me reached out to see how I was filling out my bridal party.” “Seriously?” She asks. “Seriously. For them, the past didn’t matter. But for me, it did. I couldn’t look in a mirror for a year, and even though I’ve moved on, and I love myself and I love my life and I found someone who loves me for me –” Oh, how she wishes that were true. “ – There was still this resentment in my heart that I struggled to let go of. Forgiving those small deep cuts when there’s no apology, no remorse, nothing, was difficult. But I had to do it for myself. Those girls – maybe they’ve changed; I’m an optimist who thinks people are capable of that. Perhaps I’m a bit old-fashioned? Regardless of who they are, I don’t have to go back to being that sad, lonely little girl because they messaged me.” She pauses and adds,  “I’m lucky, you know, that these are the extent of my problems.”

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues? Everyone and their mother wants to know the answer to this. Daphne has been answering this question for years. The Allard family had long ties to the Capulets, but Daphne was not going to go about advertising that or her own role in the mob. “The rivalry has been going on for years. There’s a lot of wounds on both sides,” Daphne starts. “I want peace for the people of Verona who’ve been caught in the cross-fire.” That’s why I am an emissary for the Capulets. To help, she thinks. I am a relatively high-ranking Capulet emissary because I want to be. She thrived in the darkness, in the cold, just as much as she thrived in the light. A lie. She shone in the darkness, but she craved the light. How badly Daphne Allard wanted to be bright, and shining, and good. “I’m just thinking about the Festival of Love,” Daphne starts, subtly pointing fingers at the Montagues. “So much chaos that didn’t need to happen.”

Extras: If you have anything else you’d like to include (further headcanons, an inspo tag, a mock blog, etc), feel free to share it here! This is OPTIONAL.

Her favorite movie is Amelie

Daphne patronizes numerous charities, but has no set one up in her own name yet. She wants to set up something that could help with homelessness in the city.

She is a Virgo (born August 29th)

Daphne is an ENFJ

She enjoys watching Bon Appetit videos

PLAYLIST (as in, a playlist Daphne would have on her Spotify account)

La Vie en Rose by Edith Piaf

Pavane for a Dead Princess by Maurice Ravel

Primadonna by Marina & the Diamonds

Petite Suite by Claude Debussy

Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles

Spring (Four Seasons) by Antonio Vivaldi

Waking Up Slow by Gabrielle Aplin

Elegie by Gabriel Faure

Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley

Mother Goose Suite by Maurice Ravel

Non je ne regrette rien by Edith Piaf

[madokasoratsugu]

meta on what happens to each character post ‘moonlight is but reflected sun’ . this is as close as it’s gonna get for an actual epilogue to the fic, i hope you enjoy!  as usual, read on ao3 if possible for formatting - bullet points aren’t too bad for this meta, but i personally think the ao3 version’s format might flow better.

read on ao3

Fritz still doesn't get along with most of Marchen for the rest of the rebellion (overthrowing Hildyr, taking back the castle and rescuing Genaro). an enemy of an enemy is a friend, but knowing he nearly killed at least two people present is. hard to get over instantly. Fritz understands, Lucette doesn’t. Fritz jokes about how Lucette may run off again because of this, covers his mouth and looks the most surprised by his own words. he is more like the wolf than he’s starting to realise. maybe this is a good thing. 

Parfait and Delora are the ones who accept Fritz the fastest. Parfait does so the moment he steps into Marchen, Delora the moment he steps out toward the castle. there is a special kind of courage to be recognised (and feared) in a man who willingly throws himself back into the jaws of death just to get the truth from the one he loves, the very one who condemned him

“You’ve done well.” Parfait tells him, soft like no parent has spoken to him in years. “You’ve had courage, and kindness. Not many would have had that strength. Thank you.” Parfait never says a name. she knows that that is not important. and then she hugs him, and hugs him tighter as he lets out an aching sob into her chest.

Parfair still dies to stop Hildyr, magic is still lost. but with Mythros' influence over Varg gone, Delora lives. the gate scene pretty much never happens; once Hildyr flings the first spell at Lucette, Delora has thrown her shield up, thrown herself in the role of Lucette’s mother, and she’s not fucking budging. no one is taking another child from her again.

Alcaster is long dead at the hands of Hildyr by the time they storm the castle. Mythros is caught for questioning, but escapes during the post-revolution chaos/celebration. Fritz never gets his answers this time, either. maybe it’s better this way. Fritz certainly doesn’t think so.

a rescue for Lucette was attempted, but quickly aborted when Lucette was found missing. two is enough to cover each other's sixes, so Garlan doesn't die. but he does get severely injured, especially at the knee that puts an end to his career as a knight. its ok though, because as Karma puts it: "He can start a new career as Jurien's house husband instead". and he does. as well as become one of Lucette's newest minister of defense. 

Fritz becomes Prince Consort cum Head Knight, Lucette the Queen. compared to facing your worst fears and standing up to a long loved parent, these responsibilities almost seems like taking candy from a baby.

until Fritz starts taking etiquette classes and attends rigorous prince training. he’s never wanted to die more. Lucette laughs, but helps him out with his academics anyway. they have so many dance lessons together in empty ballrooms and corners of the garden, even though both are already excellent dancers. but most days it is Rod and Emelaigne who guide him, and it’s through many an etiquette class that they grow closer. the trio def eventually all see each other like siblings.

Emelaigne tells him one day when they’re rearranging knives that she doesn’t blame or fear him. it’s a stupid decision, Fritz subtly hints at when he says thank you. Emelaigne smiles at him and says i know, when she puts the butter knife next to his pinky finger. Emelaigne smiles at him and says i trust you, when she lifts the steak knife and hands it to him to arrange next.

things are weird around Lucette and her step-siblings for a while. having a near death experience together caused by your fiance does that to people. but Lucette goes to town with Emelaigne more often now, though she sticks to the shadows with Rod. Lucette learns to bring a book while waiting for Emelaigne to finish conversations in shops, make small talk with Rod over such novels, with Emelaigne between shop shelves over everything and anything. it is easier work than Lucette imagined it to be, if such tasks that slowly turn into enjoyments, can be considered work at all.

“Does Rod like chocolate?” Lucette asks, absentminded as she stares at a flower shop. that is when Emelaigne knows, truly, that maybe at least one family has the hope of being rebuilt. 

“Cinnamon! He likes that flavour best!” “Then let’s go to the best bakery in town.” “Not the best baker?” “No, unless you have a craving for chocolate croissants.”

Fritz immediately clears Jurien and Garlan’s names with the Order of Caldria, and Jurien becomes co-head knight with Fritz. she takes care of the training and soldiers most days, while Fritz does paperwork and acts as the figurehead leader. most soldiers will never respect the two of them as much as they did Alcaster. most soldiers will also never know the things the two of them have sacrificed to protect all their lives, all the lives of those they treasure in town. 

Jurien and Fritz silently make peace with this with a shared bottle of whiskey under the moon. “Varg was a total dick.” Jurien abruptly says, bottle half empty. Fritz laughs. “Is that an indirect insult to your superior?” Jurien grins. “Yes.” Fritz laughs, again. it’s good to have friends.

among her immediate family, Ophelia expresses her joy for their union the most readily. she loves Lucette, but in the end she is still the one her father chose over Lucette. Lucette understands and forgives, but it is hard to forget. she asks Fritz if that makes her cruel. Fritz smiles sadly, and says no, it just makes you human.

Genaro doesn’t quite know what to do with himself or his daughter after everything. neither does Lucette, nor Fritz. it’s a weird situation when your fiance’s father was plotting to kill his former best friend, who also happens to be your father. it’s an even weirder situation when you learn that that father that nearly died may not have hated you for your entire life after all. it takes many years and many awkward conversations, but Lucette can at least see her father as someone to depend on now. as for seeing him as a father, and him her daughter - well. she’s lived without one for seventeen years. she’ll live another few decades without one. at least with her as nothing but his ward, his successor in line, he can look at her without flinching now. 

it’s all Lucette’s ever wanted, so she hooks her arm through Delora’s, and lets her mother lead her down the aisle instead.

Fritz is what makes Lucette happy. it’s all Genaro ever wanted, and so Genaro’s blessing is quick, and immense. happiness is something Genaro was unable to give Lucette, will never be able to exceed Fritz in giving. it is a secret he takes to his grave. this world’s cruel truth has hurt his daughter enough. 

Karma is the one who’s the most suspicious of Fritz for the longest time. he’s clashed swords with him, he knows murderous intent when he sees it. he may see him in a better light after fighting side by side to take down Hildyr and brainwashed soldiers, but some days he glances at Fritz, smells the metallic tinge that never leaves him and thinks blood, and doesn’t dare to think whose. trust is something to be earned. Fritz doesn’t earn Karma’s for years. 

it’s a good thing, Fritz tells Lucette after yet another argument she’s had with her redhead friend, it means he cares, that he wants to think the best of us - or, me, i guess. he doesn’t tell her some nights he still dreams of gilded cages and his mother, and Lucette. he tells her with a smile having doubts may save her life in the future and she slaps him. he tells her about her dreams then, and she kisses the cheek she slapped and cries because he won’t. it’s not a fairy tale romance, but it’s theirs, and Lucette reminds Fritz of that. Fritz nods, and sinks into her hug, and tells her about another childhood memory of his mother. maybe this time it’s a happy one. maybe it’s not. but it’s their romance, and this way he is letting go of his parents’, and that’s what counts.

“I don’t trust you.” Karma says. his voice carries in the wide training ground. “Doesn’t mean I don’t trust that you won’t protect her, or make her happy.” Fritz mirrors his gentle smile, and lifts his longsword. “My sentiments exactly.” Karma lifts a brow, his rapier, and strikes true.

Rumpel continues working on breaking his curse, and every time he returns to the palace, he comes back wiser. his words do not change, but they hold gravitas now, a sure assuredness behind every syllable. he was the first to look Fritz in the eye, after Parfait. he continues to do so, even after they’ve retaken the castle, even after seeing Fritz wielding a sword bloodied by innocents. his gaze is saddened, but he holds Fritz’s eye. Fritz is the one who looks away. he is more of a knight than he realised. maybe this is good.

when Rumpel returns, he always returns with advice and tea leaves for Lucette. Lucette takes both with an eye roll and a smile. he ruffles her hair, asks if she is alright and she always says, yes. he always sees through her, and tells her what she needs to hear - ‘tell him how you feel’, ‘then just kiss him, if you want to so much’, ‘be selfish with him’. often Lucette isn’t sure if Rumpel is advising her, or airing wishes left undone. but they always help, so she always thanks him, and gives advice of her own back, do not forget about yourself, and only once does Rumpel smile wrinkled, fingers curling around an old journal beneath the table. not anymore, he promises.

Waltz takes to Fritz after a while. it starts with both realising the other is someone also irrefutably screwed over by an adviser that slipped out of their grasp. it really starts when Waltz confides i should have broken her out, when Fritz replies so should i. shared regrets and trauma makes fast friends. Waltz understands Fritz in a way that no one else has, no one else will. there is darkness both wield with strength, command with ease and make bend to their will. it is a frightful thing to know you can do. it becomes less so when someone else kinder than you can do the same.

Lucette asks Fritz once, how he took to Waltz so easily. Fritz only smiles, and kisses her temple, says, ‘secret’, in lieu of ‘our mothers died because of us’, ‘the most vital moments of our lives were stolen from us by the same person’, ‘we would have given our lives for you in that tunnel if it meant you never had to see your mother and let her hurt you again.’. sometimes it is easier to lie. sometimes Lucette knows, so she just sighs, and tells him to pass on the message that they are both fools and she will not condone death. Fritz grins and asks how she will punish him if he is dead? Lucette deadpans necromancy, and Fritz laughs, kisses her again. he promises, swears to live for her (again). he is more like a prince than he realised. maybe this is a good thing. 

Waltz doesn’t tell Lucette about their history all at once. he asks Lucette once, if she remembers anything happy at all in her childhood. her eyes film over, and she says maybe, i can’t -. and her knees are buckling. repressed memories, enchanted amnesia, where does one draw the line between the two? Waltz doesn’t want to find out. all he does is wrap her in a hug, say you don’t have to remember and wish she did. eventually she will, but by then Waltz is in Brugantia and Karma is healing the wounds she would only have torn open wider. when they meet again and her once-bleeding wounds are scars like his is, they will laugh about poorly sewn dolls and the sweetness of sweets stolen from kitchens, and laugh more over their respective betrothed's horrible accents.

‘could have been’s are dangerous, Waltz tells her one night, with a knowing smile. ‘do not dwell on them, little star.’ black and velvet and two instead of one. thoughts Lucette brush aside as she brushes Fritz’s odd lock of black away from his face. she will remember, but she will not wonder. she kisses Fritz’s temple where the black tresses end, and sinks in the familiar smoky laugh that tumbles from him.

"What do you love about me?" Lucette asks, another night, the first one they spend together. everything feeling terribly new and odd, their fingers intertwined in the space between them, every other part kept to their separate halves of the bed. Fritz blinks, staring up at the canopy, thinks."How high can you count?"

“How do you love me?” Lucette asks, another night, curling into Fritz’s warmth. Fritz pulls her in closer, hums sleepily into the top of her head. “Deeply, and truly.” 

“Why do you love me?” Lucette asks, another night, curled into herself, back to Fritz. Fritz combs his hand through her long hair that pools around her and over the bed. slowly, he makes his way up to her roots, hand buried in auburn and thumb smoothing over the shell of her ear, her lashes blending into her flushed face. at the lack of resistance, Fritz moves closer, the crinkling of the sheets tangling around his legs the only indication he is moving at all. slides his other hand over the bed, softly shifting the folds, pausing next to her hip. fingertips barely grazing her tailbone as he slips his other hand lower to the nape of her neck; her breath hitches as he leans forward, fingertips tipping into the dent where her spine ends, tracing over her hipbone, her waist, her stomach. closes in, hand shifting down from her nape so his lips can take it’s place. “Because.” Fritz murmurs into her skin, as if trying to etch the words with breath alone. “I couldn’t have done anything else.” 

like a snare, his words draw her back in, away from then and back to them. an exhale leaves Lucette, her chest caving in as she relaxes into Fritz’s languid frame behind her. he is more like a hunter than he realised. maybe this is a good thing.

"I know - I know we’ve discussed this, and it’s pretty much already set in stone but -.” Laughter. “Will you marry me?”

“Of course. I - oh - Of course.”

their romance is not a fairy tale but it is, finally, theirs. and they wouldn’t have it any other way.

[wrestlingisfake]

Final Battle preview

Rush vs. PCO - Rush is defending the ROH world title.  As far as I can remember, Rush is undefeated in Ring of Honor.  The only singles loss in ROH that I could find for PCO was his last shot at the world title.  It is probably worth noting that each man’s contract is expiring at the end of the year, and there has been little word on whether either of them plans to re-sign.

Rush is probably the hottest star in wrestling that isn’t signed to WWE, AEW, or New Japan.  You see his entrance and you can tell this guy is a big ass deal, far beyond anything else going on in ROH.  I’m still surprised they managed to sign him.  Pierre Carl Ouellet, meanwhile, is a minor name from the 1990s enjoying a cult resurgence as a monster brawler with a Frankenstein gimmick.  At 51, PCO isn’t a hot prospect bound for the big leagues, but he’s a can’t-miss draw at the super-indy level.  So this is arguably the biggest match ROH could deliver in 2019.  It reminds me of a big match from ROH’s early days, where a WWE fan wouldn’t get the appeal but hardcore indy fans saw it as a dream match.

Even someone like me, who only half pays attention to ROH, can see the appeal of this match.  Rush’s matches are fast and intense, and he quickly destroys guys with big explosive moves.  PCO’s matches are about how he feels no pain and keeps getting back up to do increasingly insane spots.  This is, fundamentally, the irresistible force meeting the immovable object.  I can’t believe we’re getting such a match from “The guy who taught Tetsuya Naito how to be cool” versus “The Mountie’s tag team partner,” but such is wrestling in 2019.

Ring of Honor has really fallen off a cliff this year.  The core of their star power left to found AEW, and their alliance with New Japan seems to be at its lowest ebb.  The whole controversy of CMLL firing Rush and Dragon Lee, who have become key figures here, would also seem to be a bad sign for the ROH/CMLL alliance as well.  So it’s been a rebuilding year for the company, and frankly I haven’t been impressed with what they’ve rebuilt.  Except for this one match.  This is very symbolic of their one shot to turn things around for 2020.  I hope they don’t blow it; I expect that they will somehow.

My gut tells me Rush is moving on to greener pastures, whereas PCO probably can’t do much better than being a big fish in a small pond.  Wild as it sounds, I think we might get a title change tonight.

Jay Briscoe & Mark Briscoe vs. Jay Lethal & Jonathan Gresham - This is for the Briscoes’ ROH tag team title.  The biggest question mark here is that Lethal broke his arm back in October, and although he’s vowed to make it to this match it remains to be seen if he’ll be healed enough to really go.

I haven’t followed the story closely, but Lethal and Gresham were friends until Gresham decided that he needed to cheat to get ahead, and then they fought over that, and then they reconciled, and now they’re both whacking the Briscoes with chairs.  I’m still not sure if the Briscoes ever officially turned babyface this year.  So to me this is a pretty standard 2019 ROH story, where there are no heroes and everyone’s an asshole.

In theory this should be a down-and-dirty brawl between two teams that would prefer to fight than wrestle.  But since it’s not officially billed as a street fight or anything, what we’ll probably end up with is a basic wrestling match where they just sneak a few weapon shots and low blows behind the ref’s back.  That’s fine to build to a bigger, wilder spotfest later, but not so much to be a featured tag match on Final Battle.  I guess Lethal and Gresham will win the belts with shenanigans to set up a rematch.

Shane Taylor vs. Dragon Lee Ryu Lee - Taylor is defending the ROH television title.  Dragon Lee had been a big name in CMLL, and a frequent representative of the company in New Japan, and of late he’s been getting involved in ROH through his brother Rush.  But since CMLL suddenly fired him, and they own the rights to the name, he’s now adopted the name “Ryu Lee,” using the Japanese word for “dragon” to honor his new deal with New Japan.  Lee’s preference among those three companies is to work for New Japan, so now that he’s got that contract I am very curious whether he remains a ROH regular.  I suspect this match will be the first clue.  Taylor has been a dominant champion but Lee has friends in high places, so the one they want to push should be very telling.  I’m kinda thinking Taylor retains.

Matt Taven vs. Vincent - Vincent used to be Vinny Marseglia, a member of The Kingdom stable with Taven and TK O’Ryan.  I’m not sure what happened to O’Ryan after Taven lost the ROH world title, but Vincent turned on Taven and has gone all in on the gimmick of being a horror movie slasher.  This means Taven is doing the “asshole champion you come to respect drops the title and then improbably turns babyface” thing.  I’m not sure I buy that, but I guess ROH kinda has to make the best of what they have to work with.  All I know is when I see Taven plugging his DVD I’m just reminded of when TNA put out that Jeff Jarrett retrospective as if he was Triple H or something.  Anyway, I guess the King of Kings King of the Mountain King of the Kingdom needs to win this match.

Mark Haskins vs. Bully Ray - This is being billed as a street fight, so the match cannot end by count-out or disqualification.  Bully Ray has been playing the bitter veteran bullying young guys for the better part of two years now.  He was mainly feuding with Flip Gordon, but even after they blew that off he just kept doing it, and when Flip turned heel they just sort of switched to Haskins.  They’ve even got Bully going after Mark’s wife like he did with Flip’s wife.  It’s the exact same fucking thing.  Which, I suppose, means Bully has to win this match to generate more heat for more rematches.  I would literally rather be escorted into a room where Bully bitches me out for being a bad fan than watch this crap one more time.

Marty Scurll & Flip Gordon vs. Bandido & Flamita - All right, so months ago Juice Robinson came to ROH to found a stable called Lifeblood, with the goal of elevating some new stars to replenish the roster after the AEW exodus.  Well, in an apt metaphor for ROH’s fortunes in 2019, Lifeblood quickly fell apart with half the team disappearing from ROH, leaving Bandido, Mark Haskins, and Tracy Williams.  They tried to recruit various guys to fill the void, but nobody has stepped up and Flip Gordon even turned heel on them to join Scurll’s Villain Enterprises.  Then Flip blew out his elbow during the heel turn.  Anyway, Haskins has his hands full with Bully Ray, and I don’t even know where Williams is, so now Bandido is starting a new tag team with Flamita and this is the closest we get to blowing off the Lifeblood/Villain Enterprises feud.

Scurll’s contract with ROH actually ended a couple of weeks ago, but he has a handshake deal to work this show and the one on December 15.  The big questions now are which company he’ll sign with and how ROH will write him out of the company.  But presumably those questions won’t be answered until the 15th, so even at this late date we’re still in a holding pattern, and I’m guessing they’ll keep acting like  everything is normal.

Logic would suggest Scurll should do the job so ROH can put over Flamita and Bandido.  Then again, it wouldn’t shock me to learn that Bandido is getting ready to leave, so you never know.

Jeff Cobb vs. Dan Maff - This is basically a battle of two big mean guys.  Cobb is just back from a month-long tour with New Japan.  Maff is a recent acquisition, and notably filled in for Brody King to help Marty Scurll and PCO defend the ROH trios title.  That kinda makes me wonder if Maff could end up playing a role in the final fate of Villain Enterprises, but that probably won’t affect this match.

Cobb is--say it with me this time, folks--expected to have his contract come up soon, and may or may not be getting ready to leave.  If he’s staying, he should probably win this match to build him up for whoever is champion going forward.  If he’s leaving...well, Maff seems to be a budget version of Cobb, so it would make sense to have him be the guy to send Cobb packing.  We’ll just have to see what happens.

Angelina Love vs. Maria Manic - Love won the women’s title at the last ROH show I watched, but it turns out she lost it back to Kelly Klein shortly thereafter.  Then Klein suffered a concussion, which turned into a pretty big story abut ROH not taking care of her and letting her contract expire, and I don’t know what’s going on with the women’s title anymore.  I occasionally wonder if they’ll even continue to have a women’s division after this show.  Manic is clearly their big new project, but apparently they almost let her go to NXT before locking her into a contract.

The story of the match is that Manic is a big mean monster and Love is terrified of her.  Usually in this kind of story the heel gets to demonstrate that they can come up with some clever way to outwit the monster, and the match is about whether that works or not.  But as far as I know they haven’t given Love anything--she seems to just be a lamb led to the slaughter.  It’s possible Love is preparing to leave and this is the blowoff for her character.  If so, I’m not sure who will be left to fight Manic.  There’s only like five other active women in the official roster, and I haven’t seen any of them wrestle in months. 

Dalton Castle & Joe Hendry vs. Silas Young & Josh Woods - This is scheduled for the pre-show.  Young and Woods are apparently calling themselves “2G1T” (“Two Guys, One Tag”), which is possibly the most alarming sign of the creative energy left in this company.  I think Castle and Hendry have been passive-aggressively feuding and teaming for months and I’ve kinda given up trying to figure out where this is headed.  I guess Castle and Hendry win.

Rhett Titus vs. Kenny King - Another match set for the pre-show.  Titus and King were a tag team ages ago, but now King is a wannabe top heel and Titus is a prelim guy.  Well, I guess they’re both in the pre-show so technically they’re both prelim guys.  I assume the point is to give King a win, but if this guy was ever going to be something in ROH, he would already be well beyond the point that beating Titus would mean anything.