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kestrel-of-herran · 3 months ago

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my thoughts on peterrose in season two + predictions for season three

i want to preface this by saying that i ended up enjoying season two wayyy more than season one, and i think it came down to the bigger complexity of the storyline, the unpredictable alliance switches and twists, and the depth with which the afterglow of peter and rose's experiences and relationship in season one was handled. this season's focus on angst and exploration of the psychological impact of the work on both of them and what it means for their relationship really elevated the love story for me from a pretty clean-cut "us against the world" vibe to the messiness of both of them being used to blackmail the other and their relationship straining because of the secrecy around the missions and the contradictions of rose feeling safe with peter but being constantly endangered by his work and peter needing rose around for his peace of mind but rose suffering psychologically from her proximity to the morally grey aspects of his work. chef's fucking kiss where's the next course

peterrose things i loved in season two + development from season one

rose having the option to leave anytime

while in the first season both of them had little actual choice about whether to stick together or not, circumstances that created a kind of bubble around them and aided the romance, this time around rose could have backed out repeatedly, making every time she chose to stay a decision that had as much to do with peter as with the help she thought she could give to the investigation. not only was she there at the beginning to help him gain some trust in people back and make sure he didn't steer off the ethical path, but later she also discovered for herself that even in the thick of danger (the party, the air vents situation in the last ep) she prefers to try to help rather than back away. it's a mode of thinking that will definitely lead her to sharing some of the danger of the job longer-term if the show lets her explore it.

closeness without labels

this is one aspect that i thought was handled with so much care and delicacy in a way that felt very satisfying to watch. they haven't seen each other in ten months, but she still has scores of photos saved on her phone (the show could have easily gone with one selfie, the fact she was always showing a different photo really shows they dated for a while before his posting, and were happy enough during it to constantly take pics) and doesn't hesitate to ditch her job and track him into danger because she's worried sleepless about him. she doesn't hold not calling her back over him even though she's clearly hurt about it because she knows it's out of his control, but he still apologizes and makes it clear again and again how thankful he is that she's there and how she's helped him both emotionally and logistically, like with noticing an attacker or planning the party heist. even as he wants her to leave to be safe, he doesn't make her feel like she's intruded or endangered his mission, but follows her advice and always gives her credit when she contributes to the work. they're comfortable enough with each other to cuddle and hug and kiss spontaneously, but they never discuss exactly what kind of relationship they're in because it's obviously a closeness both of them enjoy and initiate and they care more about being together than giving their relationship a label or discussing a future together at a point when he's so involved with his work and she's still sorting out how she feels about it. she doesn't pressure him about quitting and he doesn't force her to stay, he notices whenever she's upset and talks things out with her, and gives her space to process her feelings even if it means she might realize she's better off out of his kind of life. they both try to give the other whatever they might need in terms of emotional support and space to change their mind, even if that contradicts what they each would prefer the other to do or want or if it would result in emotional pain for them personally.

domesticity

i was absolutely treated to this trope this season. sharing clothes, him casually bringing her drinks while she's working, buying her food and knowing her preferences by heart, all the little jokes and fights that just made them feel like a family throughout the season. it shows clearly that their dynamic goes beyond needing each other in dangerous situations, that they were having a swell time just teasing each other. it's a quieter dynamic than the previous season, because they're both more aware of the constant and repeatedly chosen danger of the situation that is now a way of life rather than a crazy few days before things would go back to normal, but it's also more profound in how it acknowledges the trauma while showing they're still really compatible in the little safe haven of their nights at home.

partnership

they really felt like an agent couple in this season, not only in the way their skills complement the other's, but also in how they're both on the same wavelength of thinking during high-stakes situations and are able to brainstorm through them together or understand each other without words. peter didn't hesitate to tell the guy blackmailing him with rose's life to fuck off because he has faith in her ability to evade the attacker if he warns her. rose's involvement saved several of the missions from going south, and as much as he's uncomfortable with her choosing danger over safety in the moment, he clearly admires the effectiveness of her contribution. moments like when she noticed the comms being overheard and when she ambushed markus and showed peter what she'd do just by counting with her hand really show how perfectly they work as a team, and how much smoother operations in the future would go if they're both there to have each other's backs and think through problems together.

your life for hers

fuck me uppppp i love this shit soooooo much. i think one of the main jobs a writer has when developing a plotline is to explore all likely scenarios emerging from the goals and feelings of the character until that point, and the emotional development when it comes to peter protecting rose here is spectacular. while in the first season he was focused on protecting her partly from a feeling of friendship and because he wanted to do right by her and felt responsible for her, in this season it's as clear as day that he's protecting her because he values her life more than his and he's completely aware that if something happens to her it'll wreck him completely. he spends the better part of the season processing the loss of a mission partner and blaming himself for it, and it only serves to bring into focus how much worse things will be for him if rose gets hurt. she's no longer someone he's protecting because it's the right thing to do but someone so precious to him he's fraying at the edges just imagining something happening to her. she's his priority to the point that he doesn't hesitate to throw the mission and put himself in the position of a traitor that he has so much trauma about because of his father, because her being alive and safe is worth every sacrifice to him. the look on his face every time he was blackmailed is 1000000/10.

separation parallels

i really felt the upgrade of the separation scene this season, from the neat wrap-up of the hero flying off into the sunset while his girl waits happily for his call to both characters showing their emotions with all their bitter aftertaste and just feeling through a situation they can't amend right now. i absolutely love how worried rose was whenever someone slipped that peter had done something he could be charged for and all through peter explaining his decision to her, because it's not just that he loves her but that she was used against him and as long as they love each other this can happen again. peter was just excellent here, from taking the time to tell her himself to checking his urge not to get to the bottom of his feelings and taking her hands as he told her the full truth of what he feels for her. rose just breaking down crying and him hugging her and that head kiss was just sooooooooooo perfect in capturing how much they care for each other. rose's expressions as she watches him leave in the taxi and her going towards it are particularly telling, as is her struggle to maintain her smile and carefree tone while talking to noor. her reaching out to noor in the first place speaks volumes to me already, because if she didn't want to be involved with peter's world anymore i doubt she'll want to meet with anyone from that stage in her life now that she's managed to break away from it. noor wasn't buying any of her statements, and from the scene when she sensed something was wrong with her family leaving iran from rose's facial expressions alone, i think she's pretty good at reading her, and the lingering shots on her face leave little doubt rose isn't as fine as she'd like her to think.

predictions for rose in season three and beyond

my thoughts on statements of the writers and actors

the two things that are on my mind when i'm reviewing all the interviews that have addressed rose potentially not continuing with the show are that (1) the showrunners have the right to change their mind about the focus of the show whenever and although it would be like shooting themselves in the foot if they drop her that's their (very unreasonable bc i love rose to pieces) call to make, and (2) no one involved with the show would reveal a major twist before the season has even finished shooting. let's look at some statements of the cast and crew in light of that.

"We don’t want to artificially create a situation where characters have to be part of a specific season on a regular basis. We want to tell the story that feels true in that moment. I am very aware that one of the big strengths of Season 1 — and what I think is a big strength in Season 2 — are Peter and Rose together. I think the relationship is really strong. [...] Their shared trauma from these first two seasons has built this incredible bond. But is it enough to overcome the difference in their lives and their lifestyles Is something that we spend a lot of time talking about. So, not trying to duck the question, but we’re still creatively looking into all that. This, hopefully, with the success, will be a long-running show, and the question you raise is something that we talk a lot about in the writers room." (source)

they're clearly still writing the season and figuring out where they want to place rose in the story without compromising her moral code, and i think they might have wanted to hear the audience's and critics' responses to this as well before they wrap up this season's plot. journalists keep bringing this up in interviews and i think that's very telling to how the public as a whole and not just the shipping fandom views the show as about the both of them, so i hope that interest makes a difference in how they perceive the future of the show as a successful one as well, since they do need people to stick around and characters are a huge draw (case in point i started this for the couple rather than the plot, and didn't even find the plot engaging until season two, but i'd never spend hours of my morning writing an analysis for their excellent handling of plot only). they're clearly aware of peter and rose as a huge boon to the show, but also want to make sure that either of the actors not being able to continue with the series isn't going to put the whole thing out of business. one way i see this playing out is with rose having reduced screen time in season three but coming in as a regular in season four for example, if another season of peter doing agent stuff while she develops something (a program, fighting skills) is what's required for her to fit smoothly in the events surrounding him. i can also see they're anxious not to repeat plot points and make copies of previously successful seasons, so i expect rose's future involvement in the plot to be more creative and not replicate her previous actions, e.g. her not seeking him out on her own in a similar way again, but likely coming in as a partner already in some official capacity.

"That will be a part of Season 3, him trying to emotionally and logistically deal with the unintended consequences of his actions in season 2. [...] The goal isn’t darkness but what I would say is — and I’m involved in a coalition that talks a lot about how mental health is portrayed on TV — one of the things that we wanted to do in Season 2 was model Rose’s behavior as being how you want to approach trauma and violence in your life. She’s seeking professional help, and she’s making progress. Peter, on the other hand, is approaching it in a very old fashioned, very masculine, frankly, way of burying it, ignoring it, and that doesn’t often work. I’m always adamant that I don’t want the show to become so dark and impenetrable, so I think you’re going to see a lot of sides of Peter in Season 3 in the same way that you did in Season 2. I hear your question, and no, the show isn’t about going to the abyss with Peter." (source)

kuddos to them for that honestly i absolutely loved the ptsd portrayal in season two, but the main thing i'm getting from this response is that it's very unlikely for rose to be killed off to remove her from the plot at this point, or to double down on peter's trauma, because that's how peter would define "going into the abyss" imho.

"I would say that that moment, that breakup scene, felt true to us, the writers, as we were crafting the second season. That they live in two very different worlds, that he wants to be in this world that's dangerous, that she doesn't particularly want to be in a world that's dangerous, and yet they have this incredibly strong connection forged over living through and helping each other through these traumatic events. So there's always going to be this incredible connection between the two. What that will mean for their onscreen pairing I think is something that we continue to talk about and will figure out. So, I don't know yet, because we haven't definitively decided what it means for the characters. I will just tell you that we love the character of Rose. We love the character of Peter. We love Luciane and Gabriel as actors. I think they're tremendous together. When we started to work on season 2, I came back to the writers with what I felt were strengths of the show from season 1, and the very first one I wrote down was Peter and Rose together. So we don't take that lightly. At the same time, we don't want to craft something that feels inauthentic just to be a fan service, to keep them together in ways that might feel unrealistic. So that will be the responsibility and the struggle of the writing staff and myself as we craft further seasons." (source)

i think bringing them on the same page about the work can be done with the kind of emotional development they pursued when they explored the impact of trauma and morally grey choices on both of them, so i see this mostly as a matter of narrative time and writing effort, providing they're willing to put those in, rather than the characters being naturally incompatible in terms of their life goals. case in point, rose's characterization in season one came down to happy to break the rules, threaten people with arms, steal things, and kill to protect others or to avenge her loved ones. it's only in season two that we see her struggle with threatening people and endangering lives, so that was a very conscious narrative choice and a huge pivot for her character arc from a tiny daredevil (aspects of her we still see in the party scene for example) to the voice of reason in ethically dubious situations. this kind of major change of heart can happen easily with sufficient screen time and the kind of plot points to inspire it, and is completely within the writers' abilities should they want it to take place.

"I have no idea [whether Rose will be back in season three], and I can’t spoil anything. I wish I could tell you, but Peter does say ‘No, don’t come looking for me,’ and I don’t think Rose takes well to direction; she does whatever she wants. So you never, never know." (source)

it's worth seeing the video of her answering this question, because honestly to me she seems happy to give a little hint of something bigger. it's either her character sixth sense talking (and she's right), or she already knows she'll be brought back to wrap-up the season. i think rose showing up unexpectedly, and prepared, when peter's been spending the season dealing with choosing her safety over remaining clean, is only going to contribute to that theme.

"You can have love for someone without physically expressing it. I think that’s, I don’t want to say trope, but a lazy way of showing that two people care about each other is having them hook up. Sacrificing your life for someone or putting your life at risk to save someone, I think, is a bigger testament of love than giving them a kiss or something like that. The relationship is important to both of them, and you see that through their commitment to one another and keeping one another alive, regardless if that means they’re going to be together, at least they’ll have done what they can to protect the other." (source)

turn this shit upppppppp i love this so much... but this brings me to the fact that as long as they're in love they will be used against each other, so it's time to develop some scenarios from there (and i don't mean them not being in love anymore bc that's just unrealistic at this point; it would require either of them making choices the other can't understand and the entire series becoming more dark, "you can't love anyone"-style, than the writers seem to want it to; giving peter another love interest instead also just seems like undoing a ton of hard work and audience interest just to pull a james bond, and i think they care about being original way more).

plot-realistic scenarios

i'm using this term (likely made-up by me, a writer finishing a book atm btw) here to indicate scenarios that need to be followed for the plot to feel satisfying, e.g. ignoring them would require some disbelief suspension and might make the audience doubt they're seeing the logical development of events and characters as they have been built up so far.

rose is going to continue being used to threaten peter

if part of his goal next season is to eventually turn against the guy holding rose's life over his head, peter needs to make sure she'll survive that plot point, either by protecting her again or warning her and making sure she's in a safe environment while he takes the guy down, for which we need at least a cameo, though that is the laziest way to wrap this up imho. i think the guy will absolutely keep tabs on her so he can use that if peter goes astray, so she'll be involved in this as long as peter's an agent even if she's living a normal life, and i doubt peter will be able to make anyone believe that he doesn't care about her since all it takes for the truth to come out is for someone to point a gun at her head.

rose would benefit from some combat training or security if she's going to make it through this show alive

at the very least, keeping rose out of the show without killing her means also providing her with the means to protect herself as long as peter is being blackmailed with her life, which is one of the few plot points that seems to be a given for the next season. a basic agent training course that would allow her to rebuff attackers, or security trailing her to make sure peter isn't compromised because of her, are the least catherine can do to make sure her plans for peter are successful.

catherine doesn't seem to be done trying to use rose

at multiple points throughout this season, catherine was impressed with rose's coding and recruited her help for a job, and i doubt she'll just let an asset go if she thinks she can be useful. she knows peter's a weak spot for rose that she can utilize to put pressure on her (like with the security cameras, the consequence of rose's choice not to join would have been peter being exposed to more danger, so she changed her mind), and since peter is pretty central to her plans for season three, it makes sense to keep rose closer rather than further. she knows rose can get through to peter when no one else can or take him out of the path she's set out for him, so risking her being too far out of sight to influence strikes me as unreasonable. and what better way to bring rose back into the action than with a bang, by placing her in the middle of a covert mission in later eps (preferably without warning peter to amplify the emotional climax of the reunion) with the kind of skills that would make her at least competent in avoiding capture when things go wrong.

the show has barely scratched the surface of rose as an agent

i mean this seriously, there's so much to work with when it comes to her becoming an agent or helping out with some of the jobs or even if she's joining the action as a voice on the comms while she's hacking some system. peter won't always be in the position to make sure she's safe, and she's been showing so much resilience, quick thinking, and willingness to pull a gun or stab someone during a fight. she's smart, a creative and smooth liar, and refuses to give up even when the odds of her making it are slim. she'll be an asset to any mission the show involves her in, and keeping her in a california office is a huge waste of potential.

rose's arc is far from wrapped up

the thing with rose as a character is that her arc could have been wrapped up in season one without bringing her into season two and the show would still have made sense despite the (disappointing for me the rose fan) shift in focus from romance to political intrigue. the showrunners seem keen to be making that shift anyway, but they decided to keep peter and rose's relationship as not only a subplot but the driving force behind peter's moral conflict and the starting point of him becoming a double agent in season three. rose received a great amount of screen time, agency, and emotional development, but it wasn't enough to feel that she exited the story cleanly and permanently. she clearly still has a lot of processing to do when it comes to both her feelings for peter and whether she wants to join the action and save lives (at multiple points in the show she turned back and rejoined dangerous situations not only out of love for him, but because i think she knows that without her input, chances of things fucking up increase exponentially) despite the danger to her safety, mental health, and moral integrity, and the way to conclude these plot points is to give her more screen time to get full closure or process her trauma and decide to become more involved with night action. even with new storylines and characters appearing, the show will only benefit from keeping rose and peter's relationship as a subplot and exploring the shift in their dynamic and feelings if she's cleared to join the missions on par with him or becomes an agent on other postings unbeknownst to him at first (night action picking up the phone when he has a crisis in season three or her appearing in a completely unrelated undercover mission happening in the same place he's working his target so both of them are thrown off-balance by the proximity). how will their romance develop if she's as competent a fighter as him, if she puts herself at risk as regularly, if their superiors try to use them against each other to manipulate both to their ends? now that's something i'd kill to watch.

#it's been a while since i made a POST omg #if anyone wants my thoughts on something feel free to send an ask!#haven't slept properly in three days binging this and i'm halfway dosing on the keyboard yet i have THOUGHTS #the night agent #the night agent netflix #peter sutherland #rose larkin #sutherkin #peter x rose #peterrose #peterose #larkland #nightrose #also heads up if you read this far i'm not going to write fic about them bc (1) extremely busy with my own book and #(2) the showrunners are doing a great job atm they don't need my help to get this right if they choose to include her in the future

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elliespuns · 1 year ago

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There's a constant battle between the "Joel Miller apologists" and "Joel Miller critics" about whether he is or is not a bad person.

I think everything is not only black or white. I think Joel Miller is the exact illustration of being a unique mix of black and white, creating a fine shade of gray.

As a Joel Miller apologist myself, I don't think saving Ellie was a bad thing. Do I think it was selfish? Yes. It doesn't mean it's bad, though. Sure, Ellie hated it, but she also made sure he learned his lesson when she let him taste just how unsatisfied she was with his decision. He literally paid for what he did with the most precious thing he had—he lost so much time with someone he loved more than his own life. It slipped between his fingers because he was being selfish, not bad.

That being said, Joel's decision back in the hospital was understandable, and even though it was controversial, he wasn't a bad person for choosing this way. He put the life of a person he loved too much above anyone else's, exactly as every parent would have. I'd be seriously questioning the goodness of his heart if he hadn't.

But the real question the parties involved like to fight about is whether Joel is a bad person or not in general.

I don't think Joel is an individual who can even be labeled good or bad. I stick with what I said—a perfect mix of black and white. There were times when nobody would consider Joel a good man, let alone himself. He did some things. Things we never got to know about but can only imagine how awful they had to be. He hurt, tortured, and killed people. No matter what reason he had to become the person he was after he lost his daughter, he certainly wasn't a good person at this part of his life.

Although I also believe that if someone is a bad person by nature, they'd never admit it to themselves. Joel did. He acknowledged the fact that he did some pretty fucked-up shit.

I think that if Joel was a bad man, he'd never turn his life around to become the man he was always thriving to be. I don't think being bad was doing him any good. Yes, maybe it relieved some of the unimaginable and unbearable pain he felt after losing his child, but he hated himself in the process, so maybe, maybe being bad was hurting him more than those who watched him do it (Tommy).

Overall, I think Joel was a good person who never knew what being bad was like until his kid died in his arms. It changed the root of him. The circumstances of harsh reality changed his perception of life he was left to endure without the one thing he loved the most. Not being able to either live or kill himself, he started hurting (killing) others instead. He didn't care. He lost the ability to feel. He had nothing to lose, and with Tommy constantly being an obstacle in taking his own life (as I can imagine his brother would never leave his side back then to keep an eye on him), Joel became the exact opposite of what he could never be before the tragedy.

Then Ellie came into his life. Joel was trapped in a dark corner of his mind, and then the light appeared in the form of a girl who showed him the right way again. The goofy firecracker was a beam of light amid the darkness that kept surrounding him, and that was when Joel woke up from the dead and started to feel and observe again. Ellie was the reason why he slowly started becoming the man he was before Sarah.

He had a past where he wasn't a good person; that's beyond dispute. But he surely did more good in his life than bad, and I think this speaks a lot about a person who became a complete mush of an individual at the end.

#joel miller apologist #joel miller #joel tlou #ellie and joel #ellie williams #the last of us #tlou #the last of us game #the last of us part 1 #the last of us part 2 #elliespuns analyses

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zarekthelordofthefries · 1 year ago

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BG3 Companion Sexuality Headcanons

Astarion: Pansexual. Has a slight preference for men. Has a complicated relationship with feelings of attraction and connection, so doesn't usually like thinking about his own sexual identity. Thinks Wyll is the hottest other party member.

Lae'zel: Pansexual, kind of. Doesn't really relate to sex and gender in the same way as the Faerunian companions. Githyanki socially de-emphasize romance, and all sex is generally for pleasure since Vlaakith decides who bears eggs. Lae'zel is alloromantic, but romance isn't generally at the front of her mind in a relationship. Neither is gender; ultimately Lae'zel is attracted to conviction and fighting prowess, moreso even than anything physical.

Shadowheart: Bisexual. Very slight preference for men. (EDIT: I've rotated this in my mind after people pointed it out and I think actually Shadowheart has a slight preference for women.) Remained closeted into adulthood, not because the other Sharrans would discriminate against her (they generally don't care about sexuality) but because she wanted to impress everyone with how well she could keep the secret. Also, excessively kinky.

Gale: Bisexual. Has more experience with women than with men, but that has more to do with circumstances than preference. Though physical appearance isn't not a factor, he would probably describe himself as a sapiosexual; he's attracted to knowledge, intellectual curiosity, and strong opinions. Had crushes on several teachers in wizard school.

Wyll: Bisexual. Realized he wasn't just attracted to women at a young age, and his father was very supportive. No preference between genders, but one of his favorite things to do is court gentlemen exactly the same way he courts ladies; he likes being the devoted chivalric prince to men since he knows it's less common for them to be flattered and told they're beautiful.

Karlach: Pansexual. Years of being unable to make genuine connections with anyone have made her horny for affection, kindness, and commitment. Maybe had some gender preference before going to Hell, but her time there has given her lots of time to consider basically any options. Has at least a slight crush on basically every other party member.

Halsin: Pansexual. No gender preference. Halsin has had centuries to explore his sexuality, and his robust understanding of nature gives him a non-binary perspective on gender and sex. Nothing is a casual fling for this dude, though -- if you show the slightest bit of interest in him he will dedicate his whole heart to you. And also anyone else who shows interest in him at the same time.

Minthara: I didn't actually have Minthara in my party, but from what I've seen she seems like a pretty traditional drow, and when I think of drow and sexuality I sort of imagine a reverse of ancient Greek customs; bisexuality is the norm, men are prized for their beauty and for marriagibility, but it's expected that women will also have flings with other women, and those relationships are often considered more meaningful. I imagine Minthara follows those lines, being bisexual and assuming she may one day marry a beautiful man but being more inclined to meaningful, affectionate relationships with women, due to her own prejudices moreso than preference between genders.

Jaheira: Thought she was straight for the first century of her life, but has more recently opened up to other possibilities. Isn't particularly interested in marriage or a deep interpersonal romance at this point in her life, but she has entered a state of questioning her sexuality -- she's just not super interested in experimenting with actual relationships. She's got more important stuff to do. Did have a fling with Ninefingers that neither of them tell anyone about.

Minsc: Doesn't like labels. Minsc isn't interested in finding a partner, doesn't really care about sex, and is enthusiastic about romance mainly when other people do it. He hasn't given a lot of thought to where he might fall on any sexual/romantic spectrum, but he definitely sees beauty in all of his friends. He will give you the most heartfelt and often embarassing compliments on your personality, style, and appearance. Does that mean he's attracted to you? Maybe, maybe not, but there's definitely something queerplatonic going on.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #dungeons & dragons #original content #minsc #jaheira #shadowheart #wyll ravengard #karlach #halsin #minthara #gale of waterdeep #lae'zel #astarion #surprise they're all bi/pan #playersexual discourse is the devil to me and it can get out of my house #bg3 headcanons

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hexxxcapades · 1 month ago

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i need to blabber about my animal choices for when i doodled some of the Conclave characters as animals here

Sister Agnes -- Domestic Shorthair Cat

I felt a cat suited Sister Agnes's energy (quiet, watchful, unwilling to interfere until the pivotal point, where she strikes and aims true) well. I considered using a rabbit for her (docility, humility, etc.) but rabbits are typically perceived as agitated/anxious, which is the opposite of what she is. Her breed is nonspecific, but I drew heavily from the British shorthair, and I plan to make her markings emulate Siamese or Burmese cats.

Cardinal Tedesco -- Domestic Longhair Cat

Like Agnes, I didn't want to label Goffredo as a particular cat breed (I think it would be interesting if belonging to a particular "pure" breed is some kind of socioeconomic marker, but that's another conversation), though it's pretty obvious that he appears to have a good bit of Maine Coon in him. I chose this breed because of its somewhat imposing/imperious appearance, though they are purportedly "gentle giants" (which Goffredo is....definitely not). It's pretty obvious that he wields his appearance---the full cardinal regalia, the golden pectoral cross, etc.---as a tool to establish dominance, so it seemed fitting to model him after this breed.

Cardinal Bellini -- Greyhound

I chose the greyhound more so for the appearance than anything else. They're lean, wiry, and elegant in appearance. However, I do think there could be some parallels between their temperaments/breed traits and Aldo. For example, intelligence = self-explanatory, laziness = Aldo's unwillingness to take decisive action, non-confrontative nature = Aldo talking shit about Goffredo behind his back but never quite facing him head-on, independence/introvertism = Aldo's failure to win over his fellow members of the Curia, and so on.

Cardinal Lawrence -- Border Collie

While watching this movie with a friend, we both remarked on how Thomas's taciturn demeanor just seems like a really thin veil for deep-seated anxiety/agitation. Where Aldo is kind of outwardly neurotic, Thomas directs it all inward. He's giving working dog breed that is both severely overstimulated and severely understimulated at once, and is thus thinking about gnawing his own leg off 24/7. Someone get him a chew toy or something, damn. Also, herding dog as the manager of the sheep?? As the guardian of the lamb of God?? The symbolism is just too good to pass up.

Cardinal Benitez -- Goat

Initially, I was thinking something like rabbit, possum, or perhaps even a bat---all diminutive and meek/shy animals. But in the end, I went with a goat (breed nonspecific again), just because something appealed to me about the imagery of a lamb of God, just...slightly to the left. A prayer answered, but not in the way one might expect. Also, just like Vincent, goats tend to be hardy and have a strong stubborn streak. One of his horns is broken---a very visible marker of the hard circumstances he has experienced. He's the first bovid (mammal belonging to the cow/sheep/goat family) to be elected Pope. This mirrors Cardinal Adeyemi, too, who I plan to make some sort of West African cattle breed. Racial/national divisions aren't easy to represent in this context, but I tried my best! 🤞🏽

#i am fucking OBSESSED with this movie can you tell #conclave #conclave 2024 #sister agnes #goffredo tedesco #aldo bellini #thomas lawrence #vincent benitez #mine #also realized that im rlly cooking aldo in this post i promise i love him guys i just think his girlfailure energy is funny #conclave fur au

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genericpuff · 1 year ago

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The Extended Mishandling of LO's S3 Midseason Finale Premiere

Alright, so I had mentioned leading up to the release of the newest LO episode that my feelings regarding LO returning were pretty "meh". Not hyped, but not completely back of mind either. Just sort of a weird calm before the storm type feeling that could go either way.

I'm glad I got to have that moment of calmness because good god, this episode was an absolute shitshow. And honestly, I'm not surprised, for several reasons:

Rachel has never been good at maintaining a buffer, even back at the start of the series she only ever had 2-3 episodes ready ahead of her schedule which is NOT an ideal buffer for an originals series.

Rachel has never been good at writing, she's very "draw first write later" and has stated as such in interviews that when she gets 'stuck' on what she's writing, she'll just start drawing and fit the pieces in later.

Four months is NOT enough time to both rest, attend massive conventions, and work on improving a project while also getting buffer episodes ready.

Because of the FP episodes remaining locked over the hiatus, technically Rachel only needed to have ONE episode ready upon return for the newest FP release, not multiple like she'd usually need like in the past during the S2 midseason hiatus or the season finale episodes which would unlock those FP releases like normal - so for all we know, she could have drawn this episode literally last week, especially when the promo material was so last minute. Frankly I think it was REALLY stupid for whoever it was who decided to keep these FP episodes locked (whether it was her or WT, it was more likely WT) but you can read all I have to say about that in my review of the midseason finale episodes.

All that's to say, no, there was never any guarantee Rachel was going to somehow "turn around" the ride we're currently on. I know that many of the critics were hoping for that to happen, but with the circumstances of the hiatus mixed with Rachel's bad habits of putting her best efforts into the procrastination projects that aren't her actual comic (ex. the few original pieces and LO sketches she put out during the hiatus) it just wasn't in the cards. This is where the comic is at and this is where it will remain until it's over.

I want to also point something out about this episode that was... really glaring to me.

As with all of these hiatus returns, LO got priority advertising in the first two banner slots and push notifications AND a popup ad within the app. This is unsurprising, Webtoons is still trying to milk this thing for what it's worth.

I know a lot of people are gonna focus on the art, or the fact that WT is continuing to shill LO, but I wanna point out the part that WT implemented specifically - "NEW SEASON".

This is literally just false. At best I'd like to think some intern just messed up and thought this was a new season, but it's literally not, the episode designation still says "S3". Note that the creators only design the banner art, the actual labels on top are put there by Webtoons.

But at worst, this feels like blatant lying to continue to hide the fact that LO is ending. Mind you, Rachel and Webtoons have still not put out official posts stating that this is the final arc. There is NOTHING from either of them to communicate to the audience that the comic is ending next year. It feels like they're trying to avoid the topic altogether out of fear of losing the fanbase they still have, rather than hyping up the comic's end for those who have stuck around to see how it all wraps up. And honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case, considering they're now trying to funnel the fanbase into Penguin/Inklore with new marketing deals and the whole Rachel Smythe Presents thing. They're trying to make this seem like the beginning of something "new" when it's really just a quiet shifting of management (Penguin House).

But all that aside, let's actually get into the episode. It's one episode after 4 months, which is not standard for LO's hiatuses, typically FP episodes release on schedule (meaning free readers start hiatuses 3 weeks after FP readers do), the only time this has been an exception has been with the 2 week breaks because the whole point of those was to build a buffer (which you can't do if you're going ahead and releasing the FP episodes anyways). For extended hiatuses like these, usually free readers still get their FP episodes, but that wasn't the case here. That means Rachel technically only needed one episode ready for the comic's return, and it shows. It really fucking shows.

FROM HERE ON OUT THERE WILL BE FASTPASS SPOILERS REGARDING EPISODE 254. DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE SPOILED !!!

As per tradition, we get a title that means nothing at all. It just says what we already know.

Our collective husband Zeus is dying, no thanks to the poison cupcake fed to him by Apollo. For those who don't remember, Apollo had tricked Zeus into eating the cupcake by making him believe it was from Hebe. We are fully aware that it was Apollo who poisoned him. Remember that for later in this review.

Right off the bat we're off to a hilarious start, both with a cryptid appearance from Apollo in the background (lmao) who is, for some reason, ALREADY returning to the scene of the crime he just committed because... who knows at this point. Apollo and Psyche know it was Apollo at this point, I might add, but I have no clue why Apollo is actually returning to the scene of the crime when he has no idea Eros and Psyche know.

Moving on from that, can we talk about this hilarious dialogue?

"We have to call a doctor! Let's call Asclepius!"

"No, we can't trust him! Gosh darn it, why are we only bothering to think of ONE doctor in this universe where we've seen more than one doctor?? Guess Zeus is just gonna die! What a horribly contrived situation this is!"

And that's literally how I can best describe most of this episode. Contrived. There is a LOT of manufactured drama in this that makes ZERO sense even on a surface level.

And what do you mean exactly, Eros? "What a terrible system!" Is this supposed to be a joke? Lampshading? We've seen Persephone go to the gynecologist. There are non-god doctors who tend to gods all the time here.

Eros just doesn't seem to be that pressed over this, he sounds like Ned Flanders and that's NOT a good way to open up a scene like this... let alone an episode people have been waiting four months for.

Anyways, after a few pointless reaction panels (again remember I have to cut a lot of what I show here for Tumblr image limitations but I promise you, I'm keeping as much important stuff as I can in this, there's just THAT MUCH filler at this point), Eros and Psyche confront Apollo and he is... good god.

There is... so much to unpack here.

First of all, remember those theories about how Rachel was clearly trying to write Apollo as this "secret twist villain" the whole time but it doesn't work because Apollo is simultaneously written as both a 'conniving villain' and a massive dumbass at the same time?

Well, I finally have a more appropriate term for him. He's your average red pill redditor - someone who thinks he's smarter than everyone else when really all he does is sit on reddit all day using big words incorrectly in arguments he gets himself into with a bunch of equally-air-headed dumbasses.

"You can't possibly understand the nuances of the Olympian political system," Apollo said proudly, a man who had, ironically and obliviously, run for president in a monarchy. The union of kettle and pot is eternal.

He's the Slappable Jerk but instead of it being a painfully hilarious impression, it's just painful and hilarious for all the wrong reasons.

this is so stupid because it's 1.) Eros pointing out how obvious Apollo's plan was, despite Apollo acting smart two seconds ago with a goddess who, mind you, has been a goddess for ten years, and 2.) patricide isn't even intrinsically linked to politics, there's nothing 'political' about a guy trying to kill his dad except in, idk, a monarchy, which again, Apollo has spent ten years trying to rise to power in as a president which is a completely different form of government.

If I wanted to be really granular with this, I'd like to think Apollo is making some kind of point about the critics who call out LO's whack as fuck political system (especially in the trial arc) - as if he's saying "well you're just a stupid reader and this is fantasy where you don't understand exactly what political system we're using, so shut the fuck up you stupid twig" - but I don't think it's meant to be that deep. I think it's just Rachel trying to write a smart character and then failing at it because she, herself, is not a smart writer. And I'm really inclined to believe that more than the theory about this being some kind of meta-narrative about the critics because this entire plotline is contrived and stupid down to its core.

I did not cut anything out here, that's the pacing. Leto literally just appears out of nowhere and uh oh spaghettio's, she has Kassandra! Remember Leto? The character we were led to believe was truly "pulling the strings" until she disappeared from the story completely after she realized that Apollo and Persephone weren't a thing, even going so far as to call out her own son for being a fucking dumbass? Well, she's back and once again she's being involved as some kind of "double agent" in this whole thing, even though we literally haven't seen her since halfway through S2.

"Mm yes, you're so stupid, falling into my trap! Even though you had no reason to remember Kassandra anyways because she's literally a mortal woman you just met and you yourself have committed acts of violence against mortals without a shred of care! I'm so smart! My plan is all coming together!"

We've never seen Apollo do anything except cry and poop his pants, the closest he got to being "powerful" was his attempts to murder Daphne (who he seems to have forgotten about in this "master plan" of his) but ultimately he's literally just a piss ant baby and there's no reason to believe that he could somehow outmatch the God of Love who can literally manipulate people's emotions and states of mind with his arrows. But yeah sure go off, you're so powerful and smart.

The worst part is, I can't even buy this as the narrative trying to be like "see how manipulative and conniving he is?" because it's just silly. We've SEEN this man cry with his victim complex, we've seen him say and do the DUMBEST things that don't lend to any amount of "intelligence" he may have, it comes across less as him being "smart the whole time" and more as him trying to sound smart but ultimately sounding incredibly stupid. And I can't even immerse myself into it and buy that maybe that's the point, because it doesn't feel like the point, it just feels like inconsistent writing, he doesn't feel like a 'threat', he's just monologuing.

Bad art and Apollo literally just repeating what Leto already implied so this is a waste of the audience's time.

This is the funniest panel in the whole episode because I can't tell if Apollo is supposed to be in the background (for some reason, despite him literally being in front of Eros and Psyche two seconds ago) or if he's in the foreground and just REALLY small for some reason. This is so off-putting. And of course, it's just Apollo explaining what we're ALREADY SEEING ONSCREEN.

You see, in addition to this episode being contrived, it also talks down to its audience a LOT by explaining exactly what we're seeing onscreen. It's like Rachel saw the criticisms about her not including enough to depict what's actually going on in her head and so she thought the solution was to spoon feed information over pictures that are already doing the job of explaining what's going on. Rachel really doesn't know how to write and even when she tries to implement changes that reflect criticisms that have been made of her writing, she somehow makes things worse because she completely misses the point of what those criticisms are trying to get across.

Anyways, without even trying to resist (for some reason) Eros and Psyche get sentenced to horny jail.

They're now trapped in a basement that Leto somehow has in her home. How do we know that?

HAHAHA FUNNY LAMPSHADING SO FUNNNYYYYYYY

Leto claims that they shouldn't try to escape because the dungeon is "enchanted", but she doesn't even bother to explain what that means. So they literally don't bother trying. They don't try to call her bluff, they don't try to teleport out of there, they literally just go "well shoot", shrug their shoulders, and accept their fate. Just like with the whole "we can't trust the only doctor we bothered to think of" situation, Eros and Psyche are turning out to be some of the stupidest, lowest-effort characters in this comic who literally can't be bothered to try because that would require too much brain power.

Notice how much time we've spent on this and we haven't gotten back to where the cliffhanger of the last episode left off? Well buckle up because there's still more to cover.

So it turns out Hebe was still inside with her dad, in FULL VIEW of what was going on through glass which is somehow COMPLETELY soundproof, and when Apollo steps inside, she just has no idea what happened. She never bothered to even look outside to see what was going on with Eros and Psyche, she's just been sitting on the floor staring at Zeus' dead face for what was likely several minutes, unless Rachel is seriously trying to convince us that conversation and hostage negotiation from earlier only took 2 seconds. The timeline is such a mess at this point that characters basically freeze in place as soon as they're not the focus of the scene.

Apollo rushes inside, acting shocked over the situation, and when Hebe asks where Eros and Psyche are (again, she could have just looked out the window at any time), he's just like "dur idk they just left lol" which Hebe just... buys, I guess.

That's just Persephone but yellow. She's even missing her beauty mark.

See how Apollo put his hand on Zeus' chest/shoulder by the way?

Apparently, despite Mr. Smarter Than Everyone Else trying to pretend it wasn't him, he's able to discern that Zeus is dying from a toxic and rare poison just from touching him. He doesn't even really seem to use his powers, he just touches him and goes "welp he's dead i guess lol don't bother asking me how I know that".

But oh nooo remember that note from before? Well gasp Apollo's gonna use it to frame Hebe! In front of no one else at all!

Hebe of course says she didn't write it, but Apollo continues to try and frame her anyways, even though, again, there's no one else present here, and so it effectively just becomes the most absurd form of gaslighting I've ever seen.

Again, THERE IS NO ONE ELSE HERE IN THE SCENE. He's just trying to claim she did it to absolutely no one at all, in the hopes of... what exactly? That she'll just take the fall for something she knows she didn't do? That she'll somehow be convinced? It's not like Hebe has the same thing going on as Persephone where she has a 'wrathful dark side' he could pin it on, this is just a criminal who just robbed a building pointing at the first person they see and yelling "YOU DID IT!"

All I'm saying is that Apollo would be really bad at Among Us. He'd be the type of player to kill someone, hit the report button, then claim yellow did it which, even if he DID convince the rest of the team, would still get kicked anyways as soon as yellow was proven through the eject to not be the imp and everyone would go "okay cool so yellow wasn't the imp, that means obviously it's purple self-reporting." It's a trick that doesn't even work anymore because of how old it is. Hebe isn't a child here, she's an 18 year old woman who should be fully capable of raising an eyebrow and wondering why Apollo is this quick to accuse her - almost like he's trying to hide the fact that he did it.

But Hebe can't catch onto this, just like Eros and Psyche, she has to act stupid for the sake of the plot.

At first I thought maybe Rachel was trying to do some "whodunit" scenario, but that doesn't work here because we already know who did it. And while there are stories that exist like that that pull it off (ex. Knives Out) the problem with trying to do this the way Rachel did is that the person being framed has to have this thing called motive. The reason why Knives Out and Glass Onion work so well is because the person who was murdered (or conspired against) is someone who is being targeted by multiple people who could all be the murderer. It's quite literally called out in Glass Onion as a form of smart lampshading. "It's like putting a loaded gun on the table, and turning off the lights."

But it doesn't work here because Hebe does not have motive. If you're going to attempt to frame a murder on someone, it has to be someone who would have reasonable motive to commit that murder, even if they didn't actually commit it.

And who among Zeus' children has motive?

What about the war-mongering bloodthirsty god of war who has been regularly sentenced to time in the Mortal Realm to fight in wars in which he's been regularly injured?

What about the chaos-seeking wrathful goddess who would do it to get revenge on the parental figure who cast her aside, or even just for the fun of saying she did it?

Why try and pin it on Hebe, the doting daughter of Zeus who's only had a collective of maybe 20 panels in the entire comic?

But then I realized... it's not Knives Out, it's the fucking Lion King.

Which is just as contrived - if not more - than the assumption this was gonna be some attempt to frame Hebe. It's not. He's literally just trying to keep her from assuming it was him. He could have just as easily played dumb without calling attention to the note but he intentionally went out of his way to try and be Scar from The Lion King , while completely missing the point of why that scene worked in the original movie.

Scar wasn't trying to 'frame' Simba for Mufasa's murder. He was trying to hide the murder, while also attempting to get the only heir to the throne out of the picture, so he passed the guilt of the death onto Simba - a child who, unlike Hebe, wouldn't have the ability to rationalize or realize his uncle his a scumbag - who then ran away from home because he was too terrified to face his family for what happened, assuming that it was all his fault when it wasn't.

That's not how this is panning out here. Hebe is the now 18 year old daughter of Zeus, and not one of his only children. She doesn't even fit into the whole "sons overthrowing their fathers" prophecy like Aries would. Apollo is literally just being a big idiot here by saying "well I'm gonna give you a headstart to run away, because if you stay, I might hurt you" (which btw, should be MORE of a smoking gun that Apollo did it??)

And again, it's all so contrived so that the plot can move forward. "Well I'm going to frame you for this murder, but y'know, you should just leave, I'm not gonna try and press it further lmao"

Again, Apollo is a fucking idiot here, because he just attempted to frame someone who has NO MOTIVE to harm Zeus, to absolutely NO ONE at all who would side with him, only to let her go which would leave her to question why Apollo would try to accuse and harm her in the first place before considering other options. And through ALL this he claims he's the smart one, which I can't even be bothered to "love to hate" because it's written so poorly.

And really it all comes down to how everyone else behaves in relation to Apollo that makes it so stupid and unbelievable. Apollo, you're not smart just because all the characters around you are intentionally being written to be as stupid and non-confrontation as possible. If you can only write a smart villain by making everyone else stupid, you haven't written a smart villain, you've written a dumbass whose victory only happens due to contrived plot convenience. It's not even done well like in Glass Onion, it's just bad writing, full stop.

And who does he call to report this emergency? The satyr police? His son the doctor?

No.

The media. Literally just "hello, the media?? I need your best journalist here stat!"

I need you to understand, even if he were calling a tabloid magazine like The Weekly Nark, you don't just... call a journalist to report a murder. These are not the actions of someone who's trying to absolve himself of guilt, these are the actions of a complete dumbass trying to get news coverage of his trophy kill who would be better off just playing dumb instead of trying to play smart. Even Walter White wasn't this fucking stupid despite all the times he fell on his own sword, Apollo is literally just instigating suspicion towards himself for no reason at all. He's self-reporting so hard and worst of all, you can't even take any of this seriously because of how corny it is. There's no dramatic tension, no stakes, it's just a bunch of characters performing in a really bad stage play and reducing every conflict to "well I guess Zeus is just dead now because no one's bothering to make an effort to stop Apollo or ask questions lmao"

It's truly the epitome of "this plot wouldn't exist if characters would just talk to each other."

But finally, FINALLY we mention the thing this episode is named after, the transition point to Persephone.

Just like with the midseason finale episode, there's a lot to cover here, so I'm gonna get more into it in a part two post.

That said, you can see already this is the messiest, most contrived bullshit to ever wind up in LO. It's trying so hard to be smart and it just comes across as a bunch of toddlers in the world's worst stage play rendition of Clue. None of what was done here was in any way dramatic or tense, it's just a bunch of characters infodumping shit we already know, trying to set up new plot threads that don't make any sense, and allowing one another to get away with what they're doing because they don't bother to even try.

It's completely manufactured, contrived nonsense. It's not "smart", it's not "so dumb it's brilliant", it's just dumb.

youtube

#lore olympus critical #lo critical #anti lore olympus #this is the comic that bought two eisners #uh i mean *won* two eisners #... no wait i had it right the first time lmao

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nobodysdaydreams · 6 months ago

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In Honor of All Saints Day, Here's Some Random Assumptions About My Followers Based on Their Favorite Saints 😇

Please note this is a merely for fun and not meant to offend anyone, please be kind, thank you. Also, I obviously can't possibly include every saint here, so I'm just gonna stick to some of the ones I think are most likely to be favorites of my followers.

Saint Joan of Arc- I'll start with arguably the most popular one, or at least the one I see posted or discussed online the most. If your favorite saint is St. Joan of Arc, there's a good chance you're an atheist who doesn't vibe with saints in general, but likes her because she's a girl with a sword and that's objectively awesome. You're correct for that, and welcome to the post. Another option is that you're a girl who was labeled a "tomboy" growing up.

Saint Paul- if your favorite saint is St. Paul, you have a blog or a significant portion of your blog dedicated to one ex-villain character whose redemption arc you could rewatch on loop for hours. You also might be Protestant, and yes, this particular St. Paul is the same Paul from the Bible. Welcome to the post. ✝️

Saint Olga- if your favorite saint is St. Olga, you support women's rights, but more importantly, you forgive women's wrongs. There have been several times when you've gotten upset about people questioning the validity of a female character's redemption considering her past when they overlook and forgive way worse done by male characters. There's also a chance you might be Orthodox. Welcome to the post. ☦️

Saint Nicholas- if your favorite saint is St. Nicholas, there is a chance you followed me for TMBS content. Your favorite holiday is Christmas, and you're still hyperfixated on the same book series or television show from your childhood. You're also extremely passionate about your fandoms and can't stand it when people grossly misinterpret characters or things in canon.

Saint Benedict- if your favorite saint is St. Benedict, you also probably followed me for TMBS content. You're also a very humble and unproblematic person but the haters are bitter and always trying to bring you down (via their jealousy and also poison, but you can't be stopped).

Saint Scholastica- if your favorite saint is St. Scholastica, you also might have followed me for TMBS content because you know that she's Benedict's twin sister. You also wish that God would summon storms for you whenever you find your brother annoying.

The Virgin Mary, Mother of Jesus- if you picked the Virgin Mary, you're neurodivergent, specifically the type of neurodivergent who loved those card games where characters had different levels of power. You take a similar approach to picking your favorite saint, so why wouldn't you go straight for the one that is objectively the most powerful and the best one? It just makes to most sense to you, and the thing is, you're right. You're 100% right. Congrats!

Saint Cecilia- if your favorite saint is St. Cecilia, you're a musician and were in choir either at school or church. You also probably are/were a theater kid.

Saint Lawrence- if your favorite saint is St. Lawrence, you were definitely a theater kid and tried stand up comedy at least once. You also use jokes and humor to cope with stressful situations.

Saint Josephine Bakhita- if your favorite saint is St. Josephine, you are one of those people who somehow remains positive and sees the sliver lining in literally any circumstance. Don't get me wrong, I love that for you, but please take care of yourself. 🫂❤️‍🩹

Saint Dymphna- if your favorite saint is St. Dymphna, you are neurodivergent, have struggled with mental illness, work in psychiatric or medical care, or you’ve dealt with a lot in your life, and I hope you heal. 🫂❤️‍🩹

Saint Kateri Tekakwitha- if your favorite saint is Saint Kateri, you're sick of your relatives pressuring you to date someone, and you're extremely worried about climate change (girl, me too).

Saint Anthony- if your favorite saint is St. Anthony, you have ADHD and lose things multiple times a week. On the off chance you followed me for Wolf359 content, you identified way too strongly with Doug Eiffel.

Saint Peter- if your favorite saint is saint Peter, you either watch "The Chosen" or you have ADHD and felt seen when you read about him in the Bible. That man boldly declared he would never deny Jesus and when told he would do it before a rooster crowed three times, to which he confidently replied "nah" and then immediately got distracted and preoccupied with cutting some guy's ear off and forgot all about the oddly specific terrible thing he was prophesied to do just a few hours earlier by a man he believed to be God incarnate. As someone who also breaks down in tears when I suddenly remember the important things I forget to keep track of, I sympathize with his story. Saint Dymphna is patroness of most mental illness and ADHD is technically covered by her, but if we ever get an ADHD specific saint, I know it has to be either be Peter or Anthony, and if it were entirely up to me, I'd give it to Peter. Don't get me wrong, Saint Anthony is there for us, but Saint Peter is one of us, you know what I mean? Though I feel like due to the problematic nature of diagnosing the deceased (no matter how evident symptoms might be) it would end up going to Anthony, since we do call on him often, and I think Peter would be fine with that.

Saint Mark Ji Tianxiang- if your favorite saint is St. Mark Ji Tianxiang, you or someone you know is probably in recovery from addiction, and I wish you well on your journey. You also empathize way too much with any character who suffers from addiction and if you followed me for Wolf359, that was the aspect of Doug Eiffel's character that stood out to you the most. 🫂❤️‍🩹

Saint Catherine of Siena- if your favorite saint is Saint Catherine of Siena, you've probably written a book or fanfic well over 100k words. (Yes, I know, you don't have to say it).

Saint Francis of Assisi- if your favorite saint is Saint Francis of Assisi, you either have pets or want them, and if you do have them, you've taken them or begged your parents to let you take them to a St. Francis feast day pet blessing. If you followed me for TMBS, SQ is probably your favorite character, and if you followed me for Wolf359 content, you were inconsolable when Blessie died. You're also probably the kind of neurodivergent who takes things like "if you want to follow God, sell all you have and give it to the poor" literally and as a result, this has caused conflict with your family (specifically on account of you giving all the money made from your family business to the poor).

Saint Joseph- I doubt I have a lot of followers who are parents because of how tumblr demographics skew, but if your favorite saint is Saint Joseph, you just became a dad or really want to become one someday.

Saint Monica- again, I doubt this is the case because of the age of tumblr demographics, but if your favorite saint is Saint Monica, you're a mom who really needs a break, and I hope your husband and sons get it together soon. 🫂❤️‍🩹

Saint Augustine- if your favorite saint is St. Augustine, you also like redemption arcs and likely went through a "party phase" at some point in your life that you regret and identify a bit too strongly with the younger brother in the prodigal son parable. However, in this case, you likely also love St. Monica and if you followed me for Star Wars content, you are particularly upset that we didn't get to see more interactions between Leia Organa and her son Benny Solo especially considering they led a whole war against each other the year between TLJ and TROS (dead horse, I know).

Saint Juan Diego Cuauhtlatoatzin- if your favorite saint is St. Juan Diego, you have or grew up with a picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe somewhere in your house. You've also been in the incredibly specific situation of seeing or doing something super cool, but not having anyone believe you (but the satisfying payoff when they find out you were right).

Saint Mary Magdalene- if your favorite saint is St. Mary Magdalene, you either watch "The Chosen" or you're a woman who's faith pulled her out of a very difficult time in her life, and like St. Juan Diego, you also know what it's like to be proven right after a group of men call you a liar.

Saints Louis Martin and Marie-Azélie Guérin (Zélie)- if these are your favorite saints, you understand why you can't just pick one. This power couple comes in a set. If you picked these two, you heard about them because your favorite saint might actually be or have been their very famous daughter St. Thérèse of Lisieux. And if you're a guy and you picked these two, you're also a proud girl dad and can't stop bragging to everyone you meet about how successful your wife's business is (especially because she's so humble about it). Green flags all around.

Saint Maximilian Kolbe- if St. Maximilian is your favorite saint, you're a history guy or gal who is obsessed with world war two, but in a good way. In the "this was very not cool. Let's never forget so we never do this again" way. You also love stories of heroic sacrifice and aspire to always do the right thing even when it’s not socially popular or doesn’t benefit you.

(Soon to be canonized) Saint Carlo Acutis- You're a millennial or gen z who loves researching and talking about modern saints. You aspire to be like them and have a list of ones you want canonized (mine are Servant of God Dorothy Day and Archbishop Joseph Francis Rummel. They lived in the 20th Century and when you're dealing with 2,000 years of history, that's pretty modern).

I'm sure I'll think of more to add after I post this, but I'll leave it here for now. I hope y'all enjoy this!

#Happy All Saints Day!#Catholic #Catholicism #Catholic saints #roman catholic #saints #christianity #all saints #all saints day

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brilliantorinsane · 2 months ago

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At the same time, I completely understand how the womaniser label formed and stuck. It’s not just the constant romance plots, though that would go a long way through people half-remembering episodes, tuning into cable partway through, watching in the background while doing other things. If for some reason I wanted to do womaniser Kirk propaganda, the only thing stopping me from constructing a convincing gifset “proving” that he has a new fling for every three episodes is that I don’t know how to make gifsets.

But the other part is that Kirk is such a cipher when it comes to romance and attraction. He’s always staring intensely at the love interest of the week, and never ever voicing what it is he’s thinking and feeling. Without exception so far there has always been a non-romantic explanation for every short-term flirtation (not in his right mind, strategy, they’re making advances that he isn’t returning), while every confirmed relationship he’s had is framed as a doomed romance built on deep connection and investment (the woman he says he almost marred in Where No Man Has Gone Before, Ruth in Shore Leave, Areel in Court Martial). But you could easily project that while alternative explanations were present, he was also organically into every one of the potential love interests—after all he never said he was, but he never said he wasn’t either! And I have no doubt plenty of people do project as much.

Even characters project romantic and sexual involvement onto him in deeply ambiguous circumstances. In Mudd’s Women Eve seems to think Kirk would have wanted to be with her if it weren’t for his commitment to his ship, but does he? Maybe! I’d ask but he won’t tell me! He won’t even tell Bones how he felt about Lenore in Conscious of the King!! At the beginning of The Menagerie a woman is mentioned as having spoken of Kirk, and he asks quickly, “what did she say about me?” From the tenor and looks exchanged it’s clear everyone is thinking ‘they fucked and now it’s awkward,’ and I’d assume the same. Except in Dagger of the Mind (to name one of several relevant instances), they invited us to make the exact same assumption in a very similar way, only for the reveal to be that the awkwardness comes from the fact that Noel wanted to fuck and they didn’t. (Did Kirk want to? One guess how much he has to say on the topic!!!) Hell, come to think of it, do they even confirm Ruth as a past love interest or did I assume that? I could well be forgetting something but the episode is so vague about their relationship, and their only physical contact is a kiss on the cheek. It’s clear there is deep history and feeling between them—is it clear it was romantic history?

Honestly I love this about how they write Kirk. I love a character who’s a cypher, I love a character whose true self is almost impossible to disentangle fully from their public performance of selfhood, from the assumptions they allow (or even encourage) others to make. It’s so fun to tease out and puzzle through a character like that (and mayhaps I find it very very relatable). And then when romance and sexuality is a key nexus of that ambiguity, it makes the character such a playground for queer interpretations. Sure many a straight person has projected straightness onto Kirk, but you bet I’m slipping right on in to those same poignant silences to project my experience of asexuality onto him. Not that I think that’s the ““correct”” read—I could construct equally coherent and emotionally compelling reads of him as bi, gay, demi, aro, you name it. And I haven’t even started on the trans potentials. Going in I really didn’t expect Kirk to be a top-tier queer playground character, but hell yeah, that’s one of my favourite genders right there!!

#*any* character can and should be a queer playground character btw #but some characters lend themselves to it so good #Star Trek tos

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boundless11 · 6 months ago

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Should Tory’s Arc Have Ended in Season 5? Thoughts on Repetition, Growth, and Making Room for Sam in the Sekai Taikai.

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about Cobra Kai and the direction the writers are taking with Tory’s character. Don’t get me wrong, Tory is one of the most complex and interesting characters in the show, but I can’t help but feel that her arc is starting to get… repetitive?

By the end of Season 5, Tory exposed the corruption in Cobra Kai, broke away from Silver’s manipulation and seemed to be on the path to redemption. This was a huge moment for her! But instead of wrapping up her story there, the show risks dragging her arc out by having her make the same mistakes—going back to Cobra Kai or falling into old patterns—whenever life gets tough.

Yes, it makes sense given her circumstances (she’s had a rough life), but how many times can she go back to the same toxic environment before it feels like she’s stuck in a loop? If her story had concluded in Season 5, it would’ve been a perfect ending for her: a triumphant moment of growth and freedom from her struggles.

What About Sam?

Here’s where it gets even more frustrating. I’ve heard some leaks from Cobra Kai Season 6 (Part 3) that Sam doesn’t even fight Tory in the Sekai Taikai—or worse, that she stops karate altogether. This allows Tory to face Zara instead. If that’s true, it completely sidelines Sam, a character who has been the face of Miyagi-Do and should be stepping into the spotlight for such an important tournament.

Sam deserves her moment. She’s been through so much emotionally, but it feels like the writers are constantly pushing her aside to make way for Tory. The Sekai Taikai could have been Sam’s opportunity to face a new rival like Zara and grow as a fighter and character, but instead, the focus shifts back to Tory—again.

Tory, to me, comes across as a pretty narcissistic character. She constantly blames others for her mistakes and situations, rather than taking responsibility for her choices. While her struggles are valid, she often refuses to see how her actions contribute to the cycle of conflict she’s stuck in. Yet most fans seem to gloss over this and label her the “hot” girl, which definitely plays into why she gets so much attention from the fandom and even the writers. Meanwhile, Sam—who, let’s be honest, has a lot more depth in terms of legacy and character—gets vilified by fans to the point where Mary Mouser herself faces harassment. And the writers? Silence. It’s selfish if they’re holding back on addressing this just to avoid alienating fans while the show is still airing.

Letting Tory’s arc end in Season 5 wouldn’t just give her a satisfying conclusion; it would also create space for Sam to grow and take on new challenges, like Zara in the Sekai Taikai. This could finally break the repetitive cycles in the storytelling and give both characters the justice they deserve.

#cobra kai #samantha larusso #sam larusso #mary mouser #cobra kai series #miguel diaz #tory nichols #peyton list #xolo mariduena #ramblings

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angrbodic · 1 year ago

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i keep looking at this and--

Me when I read this:

You know, for someone who calls them a fan, you sure do like disparaging Alice as a character.

"My family died of mysterious circumstances and the conclusion doesn't make any sense." Doesn't constitute as a character as "whining".

Her experiences are her past, Her past is an experience. The second game is about accepting memories, no matter how bad they are, are a part of herself. That's actually something you learn in trauma therapy.

Again, someone didn't pay attention to canon. We already know that some elements of the first game have been retconned and it's not a perfect story, but I think it's genuinely shitty to label a character as "whiny" when they're probing more to understand more about their past. If this person just thinks that one trip down to Wonderland is going to fix all of Alice's issues with major trauma and psychosis, they're wrong. Especially the latter if she suffers from psychosis.

Like, let's be realistic, here. If you're locked up in a place for ten years, especially during the most critical times of your emotional and physical development, it's going to mess you up. Alice was struggling when she left and several people exploited that. The way I see it, the first game was about accepting her family had died and she was growing up. The second was accepting she couldn't have changed what had happened and gotten over survivor's guilt as well as memories being a core part of her. As flawed as this game is and McGee has issues not retconning some of his work, it works because that's how trauma is. You will have ups and downs in the course of learning to accept what happened to it.

So calling Alice "whiny" or "selfish" is just so wrong, not only from a narrative perspective but also from her character. When she confronts Bumby at Moorgate Station, it's not about her, it is about the children who were being affected and passed out along Whitechapel, London. And if you're not familiar with the history of that area, it was known for trafficking, poverty, and prostitution, that's where Jack the Ripper was. Because Bumby was sadly right: nobody would believe Alice because of her history and when he tells her to leave, she has a change of heart, because she dares to stand up for not only herself and those kids.

Killing him wasn't an act of selfishness, it was the opposite. She could have given up and languished and become nothing, but she didn't. She almost did but Alice was too stubborn. And if this person paid attention to the dialogue enough, they would have seen Alice and Nanny being so critical of what's been happening in Whitechapel.

And... again, she has psychosis?! She was struggling to keep herself grounded and needed the help. She wasn't aware of what was going on sometimes because she struggled with her psychosis and that's a very real issue for some people with C-PTSD. It's done beautifully in "Hellblade". It's not perfect in these games, but it doesn't weaken her as a character, it makes her stronger. I didn't think that Alice seeking help for her psychosis was seen as "whiny". Like, come on, dude.

Did we even play the same games lmao.

#american mcgee's alice #alice liddell #alice madness returns #fuck bumby #angus bumby

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animegoddess15 · 7 months ago

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Icebound love

It was 9 pm and Y/N was in her room sleeping. She was very tired from all the train she had done that day. She had learned various types of martial arts and mastered them in one day, learned how to make and create poisons, and learned types of magic such as floral, fire, water, Ice, and anything you can think of. She had some friends(You get to pick your friend's descriptions), whose names were Mei Lin, Pei Lin, Noah, and Liam. Who asked you if they could come over to your house to hang out. Of course, you said yeah, just as long as they did not disturb their sleep.

Y/N's friends were hanging out, having fun, and minding their own business, but most of all since they are your friends they are very protective of you, the main reason why they are at your house making sure you’re ok.

But anyway, they hear a knock.

*Knock, Knock, Knock*

Your friends hear a knock at your door,” I wonder who that is”, Liam said.

Without being said, all Liam could do was open the front door, coming face to face with Bi Han, Kuai Liang, and the Fire God Liu Kang. Liam looked dumbfounded, trying to make sense of the two ninjas and the man with glowing eyes.

"Uhh, is this some type of joke, did Oliver put you up to this”? (Oliver is another friend of yours who likes to pull pranks) Liam asked trying not to laugh as he was on the verge of bursting out laughing, thinking the people at the door were playing a joke on them. Before Liam could close the door on them, Bi-Han stuck his foot in it, stopping it so it wouldn’t close. Liu Kang, the main voice of reason and the leader of the circumstances, asks to enter and speak with Y/N. Liam replied “Um, Y/N is sleeping but I can try to wake her up, can’t promise you she won’t come down to talk though. But please come in”, Liam said as the three strangers entered.

Liam tells everyone that Y/N has company. “ Liam, Y/N said not to let any stranger in, what's up with you doing that every time she lets us come over to her house”, said Mei Lin. “ Sorry, He said it was urgent”, Liam said as everyone looked at the three strangers in Y/N's house with them.

“Who are they anyways,” asked Pei Lin. “Yeah who are they, are you sure this isn’t a joke that Oliver set up for Y/N”, added Noah.

Liu Kang assures them this is no joke and then introduces himself Bi Han, and Kauai Liang to the rest of Y/N's friends and tells them he has to talk to her.

Y/N woke up from her slumber and slowly sat up from her bed. She heard Liam talking to someone but didn’t know who. She got up and went downstairs.

The picture above is your pajamas

(sorry not sorry I love Asian dramas)

As Y/N got downstairs she saw three strangers in her home. “Who are they”, you questioned Liam as you wiped the sleep out of your eyes and sat on the couch. “They are people who want to talk to you Y/N”.

This picture is your tired expression

Liu Kang then introduces himself, Bi Han, and Kauai Liang. He is standing in front of you and your friends, giving you a speech about Earthrealm, champions, and gods (Hopefully, we should all know the speech, if you don’t play or watch the MK 1 gameplay). As Y/N was paying attention to Liu Kang's speech, you did not notice Bi-Han standing like a sculpture behind the couch where you were sitting on with your friends, his frosted staring impaling through your skull.

After Liu Kang was done with his speech, you agreed to help.

Soon enough, Y/N is training alongside Johnny Cage, Kenshi, Raiden, and Kung Lao. You made friends out of them as soon as they saw your skills. Right now Y/N just finished making a new poison, called Chi-Bane(sorry not that good, want to give the poison a name), which allows you to take away people's martial arts skills just from one sip of it.

As you look up from labeling your now-created poison, you see a familiar trio wearing Blue, Gray, and yellow, stroll across the training grounds. The three ninjas were now watching the others train, Bi-Han literally could not tear his eyes away from you as you started to stretch. That's until Kuai Liang gives him a playful jab to his side and gives the idea to see what you are doing. The three ninjas walk up to you, Kuai Liang is the one to speak first.

“Greetings Y/N, my and I brothers were wondering what you were doing”, Kauai Liang asked. “Nothing much, just got done creating a new poison, It's called Chi--Bane,” Y/N replied. “What does it do”, asked Tomas looking curiously at the bottle you have in your hand. “When someone takes a sip of this it takes away their martial arts skills, permanently”, Y/N replied.

Y/N thought she was losing her mind, Y/N thought she saw Bi han staring her down, but she wasn’t sure. When she tried to see if he was staring at her, he was looking back at the others' training. And even if he was staring her down, why? Why was Bi Han, grandmaster of the lin kuei staring at her?

Y/N tried to ask the others to see if someone looking at her, but Raiden shrugged, Kenshi was at a loss for words, and Kung Lao and Johnny just looked at each other with playful grins on their face and said yeah, the grandmaster was staring at you and started laughing.

At last a mission, Y/N is tagging along with Bi Han, Kuai Liang, and Tomas as they wait for orders from Liu Kang concerning the soul-stealing beacons. Tomas and Kuai Liang are sitting on the bench, while Bi Han is pacing around the room. “How long are we expecting to linger”, Bi Han demanded in an angry voice. “Patients Bi Han, there are many demands of Liu Kang”, Kauai Liang said to Bi Han calmly.

Y/N then entered the room allowing them to enter the meeting room. Bi Han was now calm for two reasons, they could finally enter, and second, the main reason was because you were there. Bi Han could not stop staring or thinking about you. And of course, you notice his staring.

Bi-Han immediately stalked off with a blush on his face. As Kaui Liang and Tomas follow, Y/N stops and grabs Kuai Liang's shoulder gently, making him face you with shocked eyes. "Pardon me, Kauai Liang," you said with a quick bow. "But your Grandmaster has been staring me down for as long as I've known him. Did… Did I do something wrong or anger him in any way? It is quite Frightening."

Kauai Liang's cocky grin expression

Kuai Liang's face froze and then went to a cocky grin. It was not normal for him to be amused like he is now, but how could he resist when he could practically see what was going on with Bi Han? He chuckles for a moment.

"Bi-Han likes you very much Y/N" Kuai Liang replies, a smile pulled at his lips. "Please forgive Bi Han’s cruel appearance. He met nothing from it."

With that, Kuail Liang turns on his heel and enters the meeting room, leaving you confused, but then you quickly recover and enter after Kuai Liang into the meeting room.

When you and the Lin Kuei trio returned from the mission, Bi Han then came up to you inviting you to come to come visit the Lin Kuei. Of course, you agreed. Now you with Bi Han, Kauai Liang, and Tomas were on your way to the Lin Kuei.

#animegoddess15 #please follow me #bi han has crush on reader #bi han x reader

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drizzleoftherain · 2 months ago

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Liturgia

Chapter 7: Will the Winds That Blow Between Us Connect Us Even as Time Goes By

Pairing: Ava Silva & Beatrice

Ao3

Author's note: I did not expect the emotional trauma I put you all through last chapter. I'm so sorry…but am I? :D

There’s a playlist and a mood-board.

Tuesday, April 29th. New York City

Ava is walking through her hotel room door when the call comes.

“Hey, Cam!” She greets, throwing the keycard on the coffee table before walking across the small living room. She flops onto the awaiting bed from where she can see the entire stretch of Central Park from the room’s balcony. “How are you?”

There’s a few voices in the background that she can’t discern and then a door closes.

“Ava!” Camila’s voice comes through the phone speaker, she’s eager and a little out of breath. So, she’s basically normal, give or take. “I want to say good, but honestly I think we’re all just a little stressed.”

She sits up, concerned. Her first thoughts are of Beatrice, which doesn’t surprise her, even though she’s trying to compartmentalise. “Did something happen?”

“We’re due to start filming our music video tomorrow, and the lead actress just cancelled on us.” Camila takes several short breaths, then continues, “And none of this would be such a big deal in any other circumstance but we’re running behind on our release schedule and this is kind of our only chance to get the music video done.”

“I’m so sorry, Cam. Have you guys figured out what to do? Maybe one of you can take the role since it’s so last minute?”

“We thought about it, but Suzanne doesn’t think it’s good to begin that kind of dynamic in the band.” What kind of dynamic did she mean? “We were–no, well, I–I was wondering whether you would be willing to come do it?” Camila is speaking faster now, “I know I’m probably asking a lot, but we don’t have much time to change the project and I know that–that you’re here in New York for The Met Gala as well so I thought maybe you would have some free time maybe? Hopefully.”

“Oh.” She’s quiet. That’s a big ask. Not just in the emotional sense that Camila probably doesn’t even know about but the label logistics are insane. If she were to agree to this she would need to speak to Emilia, who would need to speak to Suzanne and then everyone would need to come to an agreement about everything all over again.

This means seeing Beatrice again. And she’s angry, no, she’s furious. She should really not be doing this. Seeing Beatrice would probably bring out all sorts of emotions that she’s desperately trying not to have. Could she even face Beatrice after everything? After being ignored for two months.

Enough time must have passed because Camila speaks again, her tone is more dismal now, “If you don’t have time, that’s fine I just–I just thought I would ask. I totally understand if you can’t.”

Camila is waiting for a response.

Beatrice. She can see Beatrice again.

Stop.

They can talk. She can talk to Beatrice and hear her voice and see her stupid cute face.

STOP.

“What’s the music video? What exactly would I be signing myself up for?”

STOP!

Camila is quiet for a moment, probably realising that she’s not completely saying no. “Oh my God, okay! So, Lilith is going to play the other lead. We’re actually flying again tomorrow morning to Ithaca. Filming at one of the national parks there. Levy is about to go get us some hiking gear.” She breathes in again, this time they’re full breaths, like she can’t get enough oxygen, “And then back to New York to film more here. I think it’s three or four days, honestly I don’t even know all the details. I think Beatrice does, I can go get her and put her on the phone. I just need to find my–”

“No. No, that’s fine, Cam. You don’t need to get Beatrice.” Not like this. She needs their first interaction to be in person, where Beatrice can’t hide away from her. “I can. I’ve finished my schedules for the week. I was just going to relax until the Gala.”

Her battered heart joins her brain now, stop . Just say no .

“You can!?” She’s sure Camila has just bounced in place.

She’s up now, pacing the room. Camila’s energy catching up with her along with other suppressed thoughts. Thoughts that she’s been avoiding and should continue avoiding. “Wait wait! Don’t get excited just yet,” She’s telling both Camila and herself this, in a way. “I need to speak to my manager, Emilia, and she needs to call Suzanne.”

“I know! But just hearing that you can just lifted so much weight off my shoulders.”

She stops pacing, realising that maybe Camila has gotten ahead of herself. “But wait, do the other members know you’re calling me to ask this?”

“Aaaahhh–no. They’re all arguing inside one of our rooms. I’m pacing the hallway, I probably look like a crazy person. Who knew there would be so many pretentious people at The Plaza?”

“Wait, you’re here?” Beatrice is here. Beatrice is in the same hotel. After months apart, she’s within reach. Ava has to slide the door to the bedroom shut to physically stop herself from leaving to look for her.

Her mind, heart and body are screaming all at once, STOP!

“You’re here?!”

“Yes!”

“We just got here! My jetlag is all over the place, I don’t even know what time it is.”

Her head is against the door. She needs to breathe in. She needs to get control of her emotions before she does something she will regret. She exhales, “It’s 1PM, Cam.”

“Okay, so I’m– no, actually I think I’ll pace for another few minutes and then go tell them that I asked you. And then, hopefully we can get our managers to agree?”

“Yeah…yeah, okay. Will you let me know what the band says?”

“Of course, I will!”

They hang up. The room feels too small suddenly, if she stays here alone and continues to think, things will happen. She grabs the discarded keycard, walks across the hall and knocks so hectically that Alice’s eyes are a bit panicked when the door opens.

“What did you do?” Alice scrutinises her and Ava slips in.

“You need to go get me hiking gear.” The door shuts behind her.

Alice’s hands go to her hips, “You want me to go get you hiking gear in New York City?” She can sense disdain in Alice’s voice immediately. “A place where there is literally nothing to hike other than the price of hot dogs?”

“For a music video.”

“Ava, what the fuck are you talking about? What music video?” Alice panics for a moment glancing towards her phone by the small desk area.

Ava turns to look where Alice is looking, “No, not mine”, then says, “Camila.” As if that alone answers the question.

“Camila?”

“Camila just called. They need my help for their music video.”

Alice’s face distorts into something between crossed and concerned. “Ava, no.”

She raises her hands placatingly, “Just hear me out, okay?”

“No. I don’t want to do that. That’s not a path I want you following right now.” Alice is running a hand through her hair. The locks fall into place several times before she continues, “Did you agree? You already agreed, didn't you?”

“Yes.”

Alice sighs irritably, “Ava!” She puts herself between the room's door and Ava, as if that would stop her. “How is that healthy? I thought you were doing well. Or working towards it.”

“Alice, please. I need to do this. I need to do this for Beatr—for them.” She draws breath, betrayed by her own self.

“For them or for Beatrice?”

“They’re running behind schedule and can’t miss out on this.” It’s her fault. Somehow, it’s her fault. She had been selfish with Beatrice’s time. Had probably delayed a lot of the band’s deadlines. If she can do this for them then maybe this guilt she’s been carrying will alleviate itself somehow and she can go back to just hurting, to just managing the heartbreak. She can push her anger down for this. “It’s my fault.”

Alice shakes her head several times in an attempt to will the no into a universe where Ava hasn’t completely committed to this choice. “No, Ava. How is any of this your fault? This is normal, things like this happen, you know this.”

“Alice!” Ava replies, exasperated.

“No.”

“I need to do this!” And it’s so steadfast that Alice crosses and uncrosses her arms within seconds.

“You’re going to see her. Don’t you think that’s going to hurt you? You can’t.”

“This will be good, it’ll give me a chance to speak to her. Maybe we can come to some kind of agreement about whatever the fuck happened, wouldn’t you want that for me?”

Alice is thinking. Her eyes are somewhere on the ceiling, and her hand comes to her neck, soothing something there. “Do you think this will give you the closure you need to move on?”

“Yes.” She sits on the bed, suddenly tired, the decision heavy on her. “Also, you’ll be there, you can supervise.”

“WHAT!” Alice is in front of her supplicating with her eyes, “No, I’m not a hiker Ava, I’m English, we go on leisurely strolls in the countryside, like Elizabeth Bennet. What do they even need a lead actress for?” The questions are coming out now like an unclogged dam. “What is even required of you? Do you even hike? Do I need to call insurance? Is it the woods woods? What if you fall off a tree? What about poison ivy? Wait, is Beatrice the focal point of the video?”

“Lilith.”

“I see.” Alice sits next to her, and Ava knows exactly what thoughts are going through her mind as they both sit in silence. “What kind of song is it?”

Shit. She hadn’t considered this at all. “I don’t know, I forgot to ask.”

“You forgot to ask what kind of song you would be appearing in?! What if it’s a love song?!” Alice is up again, hands in her hair.

—

Wednesday, April 30th. New York City→ Ithaca

It’s 3 AM and both her and Alice are riding the elevator down to the lobby to meet up with the band. They both have a backpack and a suitcase, full of necessities and the much needed hiking appropriate attire for the two days in Ithaca. Emilia and Suzanne had come to an agreement and everything else was set in motion by their labels. For the next few days she would be filming a music video with The Cruciforms.

The song, she had learned, was a breakup song. She hasn’t heard it yet, but she’s sure Camila will share it the moment she asks. She’s meant to play the love interest and the music video’s concept is basic: Friends develop feelings, date, and break up. Simple. Or at least she’s telling herself it’s simple. It’ll only be the days in Ithaca with the band that she’ll see Beatrice, the rest is back in New York City with just Lilith.

Yesterday was spent on various phone calls and only Alice has interacted with Levy, both going around town collecting different articles of clothing and gear for the shoot.

The elevator’s ding signals their arrival at the lobby and her heart throbs expectantly.

The doors open and she can already start to make out the members in the lobby. A myriad of backpacks and suitcases all around them. Camila spots her immediately, walking to her and overrunning her with a big hug. They exchange pleasantries as they walk to the other members.

Levy is on the phone, communicating with the crew who are all waiting in Ithaca for them. Lilith is leaning back on a couch, eyes closed with Yasmine’s head on her shoulder, they both seem to be passed out. Mary is texting, but looks up and gives her a little wave in greeting. Beatrice, who she’s been trying hard to not gape at, is standing perfectly still behind her suitcase, eyes looking at literally everything but her. And Ava is expecting this. You don't go through two months of being ignored to not being ignored.

Camila walks them to Beatrice though. She doesn’t know any better, fully working on outdated information because if she knew then she wouldn’t have called for help. Alice is next to her when they stop in front of Beatrice and she knows Alice wants to say things, but Alice knows better. She does catch a quick side eye in Beatrice’s direction before Alice’s phone is pulled out and she busies herself.

“Good morning,” She says before she can stop herself, because Ava is finding it very difficult to think at the moment.

Beatrice’s weary eyes meet hers, she hesitates for a few seconds before replying, “Good morning, Ava.” And the happiness that rushes through her as she hears Beatrice say her name is significant enough to make all of this worth it, even though her throat kind of chokes a bit remembering everything that has happened between them. “We’re just waiting for the cabs to arrive, it shouldn’t be much longer.” The eyes don’t linger on her, instead they bounce to reception where staff members are speaking about the early morning events.

When the two cabs arrive, Lilith, Yasmine, Mary and Levy squeeze into the first one, too tired to even communicate or dictate where each other should sit. Camila is grabbing her hand and before she knows it she is being pulled inside the other cab. It all happens quickly though. Camila is too energetic and pulls Ava in such a way that her head is about to collide with the metal frame of the car door, but it doesn’t. Rather, it gets cushioned by Beatrice’s palm, which has taken the blow for her.

“Careful.” Is all Beatrice says, hand still molded around her head before slipping inside the cab after her.

And Ava’s heart stutters, because how is Beatrice a real person? How does someone neglect a person for two months then observe that same person so closely that they stop a concussion from happening? Sure, concussion is a stretch, but there’s a point there.

Alice is sitting in front, occasionally making eye contact with Ava through the rearview mirror and she is squished in the middle with Camila to her left and Beatrice to her right, but Beatrice might as well not be there with how quiet she is being.

“So, catch me up. What have you been up to?” Camila says, adjusting herself a little bit.

Ava sees Beatrice tense out of the corner of her eye. Then, Alice meets her eyes through the rearview mirror, minutely shakes her head and Ava knows exactly what she’s referring to.

She needs to shift the conversation to something she can control. Camila’s inquiry is too broad and can open up a topic she doesn’t want to visit with Beatrice next to her.

“I’ve just been busy with album preparations, interviews and promotional spreads.” She hopes that’s enough to at least get Camila on the same page. “Did you see the music video? What did you think of your part?” Perfect. Camila will jump at this.

“Your music video was incredible, Ava. You looked amazing! I looked amazing! Amazing!” Camila says.

“You did!”

“I’m so excited to hear the rest of the album, well, not just me, everyone is kinda losing their minds waiting for the drop. Do you know when that will be?”

“Soon. We’re just waiting for the vinyls to finish the first pressing.”

“I’m like so ready to pre-order it, you don’t understand!”

“What about you guys? You told me you were nearly finished.” She wants to venture a look towards Beatrice because hearing the news from Camila and not Beatrice still stings, but thinks better of it, looking straight ahead to the busy city streets instead.

“Printing as well, though it is taking longer than we want it to.”

“Do you think we’ll coincide?”

“I think the label is concerned, but we can’t do anything about it with the time crunch.”

It’s my fault .

Alice is looking at her again and she hates how easily she is read.

They’re on the plane on the way to Ithaca when Ava hears the song for the first time. Camila has forfeited her phone as she listens, fervently waiting for her reaction. Levy and Alice are in front of them talking through the day's schedule, Mary and Lilith are to her right both asleep, with Beatrice and Yasmine behind them.

She’s heard the song close to ten times now, and there’s absolutely no denying who or what the song is about. It is taking everything within her to not grab Beatrice by the collar of her sweater. Possibly dragging her in the direction of the first class restroom. And honestly, to hell with the band and what they’ll think. Beatrice clearly needs to speak to her. A person doesn’t write a song like that, not without going through some visceral emotions while doing so. Everything about Beatrice starts to make complete sense. She won't talk about her feelings, but she sure as hell will write about them.

She pulls off the headphones and glances over her shoulder in Beatrice’s direction. They make eye contact. As if she’s been waiting all along for Ava to turn around and face her. And the resigned way that Beatrice is looking at her is a clear indication that she knows that Ava has figured it out.

Beatrice sighs, blinking her eyes rapidly a couple of times before leaning back in her seat and closing them, effectively cutting off their silent conversation.

Camila is wrapping the cord around the headphones when she asks, “What do you think?”

“Wow, that was intense.” She needs to pretend like the last few minutes of her life haven't drastically shifted something inside her. “Whoever wrote that must be going through a lot.”

“Nah, just took a very drunk Beatrice to give the label heads what they wanted.”

This takes her by surprise because Beatrice doesn’t drink. It was one of the first few things Ava remembers learning about her. “Oh yeah? What was it that they wanted?”

“Something a bit more commercial, I guess, relatable for a wider audience. What’s more perfect than heartbreak, am I right?”

“Right, heartbreak, definitely something we all share.” Her eyes go back to Beatrice in order to make a point, but Beatrice has pulled out her journal, busily writing. Ava knows she can hear her though. “And Beatrice was able to portray the pain so well. I could feel every emotion behind the lyrics.” She can hear the pen testily make contact with the tray table, but she won't look, won’t give Beatrice the satisfaction of telling her off, even if it’s just with her eyes.

Ava breathes out. She needs a moment to herself and her thoughts without being next to Camila. She unbuckles her seatbelt and heads to the tiny airplane bathroom. Sitting on the toilet seat, lid down, Ava breathes, in and out. In and out . You can do this Ava. You can be around Beatrice and her stupid freckles and her stupid stunted feelings and her lack of communication. You can get through these next few days without either pulling a knife on her or shoving her against a do—…Nope. Not going there.

Coming back to the present, Ava shakes her head and steels herself. Exiting the bathroom, Ava all but bodily slams into Alice, waiting for her by the toilet door.

Grabbing Ava’s arm, Alice tugs her close and hisses out a low whisper into Ava’s ear, “I saw your face in the cab. You do not owe them anything. You are already doing far too much with this MV. Do not do anything rash. So help you god, Emilia will have your head.”

—

They all scrabble out of the rental van, each grabbing a backpack and various bags full of last minute necessities for the long day ahead. The film day will stretch until the very last bit of daylight is left. Ava can already see that everyone is at exhaustion level, but she knows that they will push through because this is what their work requires of them.

The immense rugged gorge that wraps around under a vast green canopy is the first thing that grabs her attention. She passes her hand lazily along the eroded and coarse shale walls that fully encompass them as they begin their trek towards the first filming location. It’s only seven in the morning at this point with the first signs of sunlight slowly trickling through the leaves above them.

A river runs below them, deviating from a massive waterfall several kilometers behind them. According to Levy there’s a plan for them to swim at the base of the waterfall tomorrow morning, but they have to canoe there first. Today they will focus on the more extensive trails and on the friendly nature of the video with her and the band bonding together.

They meet the rest of the crew a few minutes later, who have equipment draped around them like some kind of comical parody of what to expect in a film set, except this is entirely real. They’ve scouted ahead already and have planned for the upcoming shots. Their direction is simple enough, stay within the camera’s line of sight and have fun, the camera being a person who is holding an extensive contraption, which allows for movement and balance.

The filming has already begun in a way, with Alice and Levy walking behind the crew and she and the band walking ahead.

Levy is not having fun. He’s already sweating. And also smacking the side of his calf every few minutes. He’s refusing to put insect repellent on because it ‘stinks’ so that’s entirely his fault. “If you say to put that damn spray on one more time I’m going to scream for so long and at such a high frequency that I will alert the wolf population around us.” He’s talking to Alice, who is wiggling the bottle in front of his face, threatening to spray.

Ava is happy with the clothing they’re all wearing because they’re at least cool and comfortable, which is saying a lot because she’s never been this comfy during a shoot before. She’s wearing elastic turquoise shorts with a matching blue sweater snapback combo, and hiking boots. The rest of the girls also have a colour scheme happening with Lilith wearing red, Camila pink, Mary grey, Yasmine yellow, but her favourite is Beatrice’s, who is wearing an olive green hoodie, blue shorts and an adorable orange snapback.

Beatrice has a DSLR around her neck, and is stopping every so often to take pictures of their surroundings. Her hair is down now and Ava has realised that it’s no longer black, well, the top is, but the cascading waves now have an ombre kind of blonde highlight to them. And she’s struggling to look away from just how pretty the light is making her out to look.

Lilith is walking next to her as they continue down the trail, they’re speaking amicably to one another, trying desperately to find some common ground. At some point the muddy ground underneath her shifts, and she actually slips from beside Lilith, butt landing in the dirt. Lilith doesn’t move though, only looking back between the crew and the band questioning what she should do.

It’s Beatrice who steps closer to them, extending a hand out for Ava to take. She grasps her hand and Beatrice hauls her up. Ava swats her butt a couple of times to remove the caked on dirt, before thanking Beatrice who just goes back to where she was with the camera, busily taking pictures.

They do a few shots where they’re all sitting on rocks enjoying the scenery.

Camila drinks from her bottle before saying, “Okay, but this place is beautiful!”

“Apparently, its date goes back to 538.8 million years ago, where basically the only life on Earth was plant life that probably looked like coral.” Yasmine’s insights begin to paint a picture of their surroundings. And just how old and grand everything is.

Lilith speaks from beside her, “Did you look this up before coming, you nerd?”

“I like to be informed, unlike you, Lilith.”

“Ouch. Your hug hurts,” Lilith says sarcastically.

Ava knows they’re probably bantering, but Lilith is difficult to connect with. There’s always an offhanded comment or a rude retort about something that rubs Ava the wrong way and it has only been a couple of hours since they began. She’s doing her best to appear like she’s ‘falling in love’, but she’s sure she’s not selling it and Lilith is not putting in any kind of work from what she can see.

Her eyes go to Beatrice, because of course they do. She can't help herself. Beatrice is always doing something cute whenever she looks. She’s caught her taking pictures of mushrooms, birds, rocks and even a few shots of Ava herself. And Ava isn’t even sure if she’s meant to have noticed her doing that or not. She is having to physically fight her body to not gravitate towards Beatrice.

“Ava, Lilith a word, please.” They both stand and follow Alice to where the crew and Levy are.

They’re playing back some of the footage, there’s no sound, just of them walking around the grounds laughing and having a good time. They’ve captured the moment she slips and Ava can see Beatrice actually rush to her in a panic, something she had missed, too busy realising that her love interest didn’t as much as look in her direction when she fell. Her heart thunders inside her chest and Alice realises because she gives her a sympathetic look.

Levy is not amused, he’s going back and forth between the takes. “Are you guys going to actually try to make it seem like there’s something there? Because we’re getting nothing right now. You two might as well be lifelong enemies.”

The crew members nod in agreement. Everyone seems to be coming to the same conclusion Ava has. She and Lilith have zero chemistry. If anything she wants to wring Lilith’s neck, not hold her close. And she can’t imagine having to do this for the rest of the week. It would actually be painful.

“What if we did some shots alone?” Lilith says, her voice is a bit irritated but her eagerness to make it work shines through.

They all agree and both of them walk through the trail looking at one another while interacting and Ava knows it’s not coming through because every time she looks at Lilith she cringes and then looks back to the band, in search of Beatrice, who is apparently trying very hard not to look at them.

The shots play in front of them again and this time Levy and Alice both sigh, coming to terms with the problem.

Alice is looking towards the rest of the band, considering their options. “What about Camila?”

Levy brings a finger to his lips, head going from side to side. “Camila…” He’s thinking about it. “CAMILA!” Alice jumps at this, not used to his cadence.

Camila stands, rushing to them. “YEAH?”

Levy seems hesitant about what he’s about to ask, but nods more for himself than anything else. “What do you think about the romance happening between you and Ava instead?”

Ava wants to laugh because it’s so ridiculous.

“YES! YES! I’ll do it!” When Camila replies, Levy and Alice both visibly recoil.

“No. Nope. Nevermind, she’s too eager, we might end up with Ava in the emergency room.” Levy pushes Camila back in the direction she came.

The crew members keep reversing the footage back to where she slips and Beatrice comes to her aid. “What about Beatrice?” One of them speaks up. “There’s actually a lot of footage of them already looking at each other and the chemistry seems to be natural.”

Oh boy did they hit the nail on the head with that one.

“No.” It’s Alice who replies, her head already shaking.

“It could work. It’s Beatrice’s song so she might be able to understand the emotion a bit better.” Levy is looking between them now, something forming in his head. “She didn’t want to be part of it to that extent but maybe we can speak to her about it.”

Ava’s mind attaches itself to what Levy has just revealed, adding fuel to the literal fire that began on the flight here. Beatrice was avoiding being the focus of the narrative on purpose, Ava had just assumed the label wanted to push Lilith as well given her popularity as the lead guitarist.

Alice is grabbing and pulling her aside, she can see Levy already walking in the direction of Beatrice. “You can’t do this. Tell Levy that you’ll try again with Lilith.”

Ava knows that Alice is only meaning to protect her, even if it means protecting her from herself, but honestly, deep down they both know that this is probably the only way forward. “Alice, it’s alright. I can do this. It’s already there if you look close enough.”

“I understand that, but you need to mitigate the potential damage. You know where the music video is going, you know what the both of you will have to do.”

They’ll have to pretend to be in love. But luckily for them it’s not pretending, it’s more like living a beautiful nightmare at this point. Beatrice is watching the previous recordings and listening to the crew and Levy. Her shoulders drop in quiet resignation. Like, she knew this would happen.

“Be careful, Ava.” Alice gives her a look before she walks back to the crew.

She joins them seconds later. Levy is already giving instructions about shots and the crew begins prepping the camera and equipment for filming.

Beatrice is beside her, eyes downcast, but there’s a small smile on her lips, “It’s okay with me if it’s okay with you.” And she nods because this is Beatrice, and she would do anything for her. For them. She just wishes Beatrice was talking about their actual relationship instead.

They go through the same shots as Lilith and this time there aren’t any interruptions from the crew. They walk along the path and Beatrice extends her hand for Ava to take, helping her maneuver the environment. And it’s silly, but her thoughts go to that night in the theater and all the back and forth in her head, where she debated whether to hold Beatrice’s hand, not as a friend running from the press, but as Ava. Ava who had fallen in love with Beatrice.

(*)

I'm suffering from you like the seasonal flu

Without fail, without exception

How can I laugh, how can I forget you

When even breathing is a struggle right now

I won't ask for anything

Just be by my side as if nothing has changed

She tugs down on Beatrice’s cap as they walk down the path, earning a smile. They jump hand in hand from rock to rock as the band runs past them. It’s as if they’re living in their own little bubble.

At some point she grabs Beatrice’s camera from her, taking shots of her own as the afternoon continues around them. She turns the DSLR and angles it in front of them, capturing a few silly pictures of them together. When Beatrice walks ahead, she looks through the images. There's one where she’s looking at the camera, but Beatrice is looking at her. It’s dewy and tender, and not meant for the camera that is still filming them. She pulls out her phone, quickly taking a picture of the display.

You are my yesterday, today, and tomorrow

Just like the sunlight of my memories, like a star that guards the night

You seek me out everyday

You're like my Spring and Summer, Autumn, Winter

It's like you slipped away between the seasons and left me

Without a trace, heading far away

“Beatrice!” Levy is yelling again, “Piggyback! Give Ava a piggyback.”

Alice rolls her eyes beside him, but stays quiet.

Beatrice is already half kneeling and waiting for her by the time she looks back in her direction. She gets on without protest and Beatrice takes her weight comfortably, adjusting her a couple of times before they’re off again.

“Don’t hurt your calf this time.” Beatrice chuckles underneath her, tightening her arms around Ava’s thighs.

Ava opens her arms and as Beatrice continues to head down the path, she wraps them around Beatrice’s neck some time later, nose dropping down into the little crook she loves and breathes in the spot. She feels a tear welling up in her eyes and a lump burning in her throat because it smells so much like Beatrice that she needs a moment to process everything from the lavender perfume to the faint smell of sweat.

Will the winds that blow between us

Connect us even as time goes by

I won't ask for anything

Just be by my side as if nothing has changed

The band members are now getting shots of their own as she and Beatrice sit quietly by some rocks on the side of the trail.

Camila is precariously going to a fallen log that spans between a drop and two paths, she knows Alice’s danger senses are tingling, but hilariously not Levy’s. Mary is holding Camila’s hand as she lowers herself onto the log and then proceeds to hug it. Beatrice laughs from beside her, already turning the camera towards Camila and taking a picture.

They begin to eat through their lunch of sandwiches, watching Mary throwing rocks for some reason, all while looking stoic and moody. Yasmine sprawls herself in the tall grass nearby but it doesn’t last long because she starts running away the moment Levy warns against snakes. Both she and Beatrice follow quickly behind in a fit of laughter mixed with fear, mouths full of food.

Lilith accidentally runs into poison ivy, or something that has definitely irritated her skin because her thighs are blotchy red and she can’t stop scratching.

Levy is on his knees in front of her applying cream to her legs when Beatrice begins snapping pictures again, “The little shit probably deserves it.”

“Please send me those. I would like to futureproof with Lilith blackmail.”

“Of course.”

And the promise of having any kind of communication with Beatrice makes her mind reel with the possibility that they may in fact survive this.

My heart which almost empties, begins to fill with you

It's shaking my heart

The more it hurts, the more I want you

It’s some time later that Beatrice starts to suddenly bounce on one foot beside her. She seems to be in pain and looking for a place to balance. And who is Ava if not completely in tune with everything Beatrice needs. Her left arm goes around Beatrice’s waist so quickly that she overcorrects, almost sending them sliding down the muddy path, but Ava grabs Beatrice’s right arm draping it across her shoulder, holding it in place with her free hand, stabilising them.

Beatrice pulls the boot off her right foot while balancing on her left. She shakes the boot a couple of times and a small rock tumbles out without much fanfare.

“Are you hurt?” She doesn’t mean it to come out with so much concern but it does, and honestly why bother at this point, they’ve both blurred lines already. She leans down hand coming to run along Beatrice’s socked foot just in case there’s anything still lingering on there. She doesn’t realise just how intimate it is until she does it because she wouldn’t do this for any of the other band members or even Alice.

Beatrice breathes out lightly after her touch, “I think it cut through the sock.”

She nods, helping Beatrice down softly onto the ground before lowering herself to her knees. She pulls the sock off the foot, which is immediately followed by a small wince from Beatrice. There’s a sizeable cut by the arch of the foot, which shouldn’t be a big deal but they still have a big day ahead of them and something like this could have the potential to be painful. “One second,” She stands heading to Levy who is doing round two of Lilith ointment time.

She’s back with a bandaid and triple antibiotic cream, and there’s no hesitation. She rubs the cut with her pointer finger, which has way too much ointment for the cut to ointment ratio, before applying the bandaid. “Sana, sana, colita de rana. Si no sanas hoy, sanarás mañana.”

Beatrice is looking at her with so much affection and confusion, that it forces her to back away from how close she has gotten. “Did you just call me a frog?”

She giggles, cheeks feeling a lot hotter than before. “It’s like an old maid saying for when kids get hurt. Usually the parents say that so they feel better.”

“You said frog though.”

“I said ‘Heal, heal, little frog tail. If you don't heal today, you'll heal tomorrow’.” Beatrice is watching her curiously, which makes her bold. “It’s usually followed by a kiss on the spot, for its healing qualities.”

“Its healing qualities,” Beatrice repeats dumbly, gaze falling on her foot. It isn’t a no per se. So she leans back in and kisses Beatrice’s cheek while she’s distracted.

They both startle as they hear Alice yell out a shrill ‘NO!’

You are my eyes, voice and breath

I can't live a single day without you

I'll still keep calling for you

While the long Spring and Summer, Autumn, Winter passes

As much as the time and wind fly by

I'll miss you, regardless of the distance

—

The sun comes down faster than expected and Beatrice is kind of glad because she is exhausted in every sense of the word. Not only has the day been long, but she’s emotionally depleted and starving. Everyone except the crew is sitting around her in differing coping stages of fatigue. The food they’ve just ordered will take a few minutes to arrive and she doesn’t know whether this is it for her and if she will keel over dead at any moment, or whether, maybe just maybe , her stomach will take mercy on her and cope with the neglect.

They’ve all somehow squeezed in one booth at the diner, Levy is sitting next to the window, then it’s her, Yasmine, and Mary and across from them by the window is Alice, Ava, Camila and Lilith.

Ava’s short hair is loose around her shoulders, stringy from sweat and the overall grime of the day, but she still manages to look alluring, to the point that she needs to remind herself to look away every so often.

They’re all gathered around the table trying to solve the peg game in front of them, but their equally tired minds are having a lot more trouble than they should. Levy has given up, phone in face and when laughed at for it replied with ‘eat glass’, before tuning them out.

“Bea?”

“Mmm?”

Ava’s speaking, pushing the game towards her, “Do you want to try?”

She nods and leans in, the action mirrored by Ava as well, as they both stare at the little peg board. “I think we’re meant to only have one peg standing at the end, kind of like checkers.” She and Ava reach for the same piece, accidentally bumping hands. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry!” Ava moves the piece over a peg, “Did you want to?”

“No, it’s fine, I'm happy to watch and advise.”

Ava moves the peg again, eating another piece. “Shit, I think I messed up already.”

Hearing Ava say this triggers a chain of thoughts through her head. She’s aware her mind has parkoured past the children’s game in front of her.

Ava didn’t mess up, she did.

Ava has been nothing but kind and patient with her, even today, when she should be giving Beatrice the cold shoulder after everything. But she doesn’t. She’s been trying not to linger on the thought all day, because if she does the guilt will emerge again. As it did yesterday when Camila informed them that Ava was happy to do the shoot.

She had been uncaring and disrespectful these last two months. She had initially rationalised that it had been the right thing to do for the band. That pushing Ava away would give her the space she needed to think, which it had in the way. Making her decision to keep quiet even more resolute, but it didn’t mean that her actions were justified.

A relationship with Ava right now was unlikely. They’re both about to be extremely busy with schedules. They would both ask too much from each other. The resentment would make its presence known right away. She didn’t want that to happen between her and Ava.

The space was for the best. If in the future they both wanted the same thing then maybe, just maybe, they could both make that decision together, but for now this is all Beatrice could give.

Or so Beatrice keeps reminding herself.

Beatrice looks through the possible moves and catches the mistake. “Why don’t you put those two back and we can start over.” She points at the hole that says one, “Leave this spot open.”

Ava does as she’s told, occasionally looking to Beatrice for approval as she moves the peg around the board.

“No, here. This one.” She’s grabbing Ava’s hand, which is holding the peg. She easily jumps and eats through three pegs in a row. It continues like this for a few minutes and Beatrice is sure Ava is messing up on purpose because this is basic checkers, but deep down inside she wants this too. Whatever this is, but nothing more. She repeats like a mantra, this is enough.

Their food arrives and the speed at which it is inhaled astounds everyone on the table. It isn’t long until their plates are cleared and everyone is leaning back nursing their food babies.

Ava and Camila are exchanging conspiratorial looks as the Lady Gaga song plays in the background. Lilith must notice something is up because right before the chorus of the song hits she grips Camila’s hand from starting the dance. “Absolutely not!”

“Lilith!” Camila and Ava both shout in unison as the moment is ruined.

(*)

Like a poem said by a lady in red

You hear the last few words of your life

With a haunting dance, now you're both in a trance

It's time to cast your spell on the night

The chorus is coming back around though and this time Camila is ready and leaning away from Lilith. And so is Ava who is lifting one of her eyebrows in Beatrice’s direction, persuading. She lifts both of her own in reply, Ava can’t be seriously thinking of having a dance off in the middle of a diner.

Abracadabra, amor-oo-na-na

Abracadabra, morta-oo-ga-ga

Abracadabra, abra-oo-na-na

In her tongue she said, "Death or love tonight"

Levy has tuned back into existence looking between the girls. “Do not disservice Lady Gaga in front of me.” He has his phone pointed in Ava’s direction expectantly.

(*)

When the dance segment starts Ava flexes her hands and shoulders with the beat of the song, like she’s casting a spell on Beatrice. She spins her head and short hair in place mimicking her right hand movement and then holds her stance. Levy turns the phone to Beatrice.

Abracadabra, abracadabra

She bounces her head from side to side along with the beat, pointing with her right hand then her left before both hands meet at the middle passing the spell to Camila. Levy follows the motion.

Abracadabra, abracadabra

Camila leans back, bouncing her shoulders and knees before leaning back in with both her hands swaying from side to side in front of her face.

Feel the beat under your feet, the floor's on fire

Then, all three do the last few movements barely holding it together before giving up.

Abracadabra, abracadabra

It’s later when they’re on their way to the van that Lilith approaches her, “Mate, who even are you anymore? I can’t believe you would dance to that so freely.”

“It’s Gaga.” It’s what she replies, but what she truly means is that it’s Ava. If it made Ava happy, then she could do this for her.

Lilith is unconvinced though, eyes wandering to Ava as she enters the vehicle.

On the drive over she catches Camila sneakily uploading the video onto the band’s social accounts.

Great.

—

Thursday, May 1st. Ithaca, New York

They have canoed for hours and have finally found their way to the base of the waterfalls where there’s a large swimming spot. Everyone is in various states of undress, as they wait around for the crew to set up for the upcoming shots.

Ava is sitting leaning against a tree, hands on top of her head. Sculpted abs on full display. She seems to be resting with her snapback covering her eyes and Beatrice is trying very hard not to stare at Ava like a lascivious teenage boy beholding a woman in a bikini for the first time.

Boobs.

Alice catches her staring, eyebrows furrowing in a scowl, which causes her to trip on a stray tree root almost falling into the waterhole. “Yeah, keep walking, lovergirl.”

She’s on high alert, she’s anticipating a kiss and it could literally happen at any moment if Ava is leading. They’re meant to kiss at some point today, but barely any direction has been given other than ‘just do whatever feels natural’, which isn’t much when every moment with Ava is kiss worthy.

It’s been like half an hour of lounging on a rock by the water waiting for natural, because Ava has just been chatting to Camila and Yasmine. And she’s not sure what to do. Does she initiate the moment or does she wait for Ava? Why is this so complicated? Why don’t they just get put on the spot and told to kiss point blank?

She sighs, sitting back, hands holding her torso up while her feet gently kick at the water.

Ava must sense that she’s spiraling because she swims over to her and splashes up a bit of water in her direction. “Are you going to come in or are you going to just sit there channeling your inner Greek goddess?” Ava’s eyes roam her body, bouncing from several key spots, up her legs, lingering at her stomach, then following the length of her neck.

She knows Ava’s a flirt, she should have expected this but her cheeks betray her almost instantly. But she can fight fire with fire. “Or I could be a siren, luring you to your death.” Ava actually pokes out her tongue to lick her bottom lip at this.

Ava spends a few seconds just watching her, face unreadable. There’s a quirk to her lips though, like she wants to do or say something, but doesn’t know if she should. “… and c’mon baby… ” she sings quietly, humming the rest of the melody while splashing water up again. Realisation happens instantly. Ava is teasing her with the song. “ …and c’mon baby…”

She pushes off the rock with her arms and slides gracefully into the water. Ava’s eyes stall at her biceps for a few seconds before they meander back to meet her eyes. Beatrice takes a moment to truly see Ava from up close now and honestly, the Greek goddess comparison belongs to Ava alone. “Something on your mind?”

“Nope.” A complete lie. Ava splashes again, some droplets landing on her chest, which slowly trickle down, a movement closely followed by Ava. “Which of the lyrics is your favourite?”

Beatrice cannot even understand why she’s entertaining this, but she answers nonetheless. “ I just don't believe that you have got it in you. ”

Ava nods once, in acknowledgement, then backs up into the deeper parts of the pool, where she follows like the Earth gravitating towards the Sun. “Not the constant ‘ I don't want your body ’? With the way you repeated it throughout the song I just thought that maybe that was it.”

Both her eyebrows lift at this, “I didn’t–”

“Kind of like an addiction, right? Say it enough times and maybe the desire will vanish?”

She hates that Ava is dissecting her so perfectly; physically, mentally and emotionally. She dunks her head for a few seconds before begrudgingly emerging for air, somehow avoiding the loaded exchange.

Ava shifts her head towards the crew, “I’m nervous.”

“I am too. Why don’t we talk about what we’ve been up to? To lighten the mood.”

“You know what I’ve been up to.” She doesn’t know what exactly Ava is insinuating. It could be the schedule which she’s kept on her phone or it could be the unscheduled activity she had to look up, but that is not a discussion she wants to have now, not in this bubble, so she remains quiet, hoping Ava continues. “I watched your performance at The Brits, it was inspiring.”

“Thank you, it was a difficult decision, but seemed like the right moment though, with everything happening so quickly.”

Ava is contemplating her next words carefully, because her eyebrows furrow in a serious cute way, “I’m very proud of you, you know?”

Beatrice isn’t sure how exactly they managed to get so close to one another, she was now practically centimeters from Ava’s face. And everything just feels loaded and right. She’s reaching over with her right hand before she realises, not even checking if the crew is paying attention.

She delicately traces over the line of Ava’s jaw and pulls, which causes Ava’s hands to rest on her stomach, bracing after the sudden movement. Ava’s eyes flutter close in anticipation and so do hers. They bump noses, but recover quickly enough, lips sliding and tugging together softly. Suppressed thoughts come bursting through all at once. Weeks of trying to forget just how warm Ava’s lips felt against hers that night. How everything just made sense…

Ava’s hands slide around Beatrice’s waist, fingers roaming to the dimples there. Beatrice’s left hand at Ava’s waist is pulling their bodies even closer. The kiss isn’t long and probably too chaste, at least above the water, but it’s enough for now.

They break apart as the other members holler and make silly noises in their direction, probably trying to make the moment embarrassing, but as dumb as it is it was making everything much more bearable.

“Yeeeeeeees, Descartes!” Levy yells, hands around his mouth projecting his voice.

They get the thumbs up from the crew and they both exhale with relief.

—

Ava is starting to hate tuna sandwiches. She’s found a picnic table underneath the shade and is honestly just trying to have some semblance of peace because she can’t be that close to Beatrice while she has a bikini on. Her thoughts are impure and she will act on them if given the chance. The abs, solid. The biceps, powerful. The jaw, sharp. The legs, well, they led to places she wanted to lic–.

“Ava.” A hand goes to her heart and a small yelp escapes her. Did she fucking say that out loud? “Mind if I join you?”

She gestures in front of her still clutching her heart, “Not-not at all.”

Mary sits, unwrapping a sandwich of her own. She takes a bite and chews and Ava does the same. They kind of just sit awkwardly for a few minutes until Mary's eyes go to her watching her curiously. “What’s the deal with you and Beatrice?”

Ava’s eyes bulge and she chokes on the stupid tuna sandwich from just how out of nowhere the question is. She coughs a few times, the bolus seemingly stuck in her esophagus. “Wha-what?”

“Don’t play dumb.” Mary quirks up an eyebrow, she does not want to be tested. “Before yesterday, I thought maybe it was just a Beatrice thing, but now I have my suspicions that it’s a you thing as well.”

Ava taps the side of her soda can trying to gauge what Mary knows. “Does Beatrice not speak to you guys?”

“No. She can be very closed off when she wants to be.”

“Oh. So we share the same frustrations.”

Mary nods, resigned, like she was expecting this. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

She can’t stop the frown that immediately mars her face. “What does that mean?”

“It means, I need you to speak to me because Beatrice won’t.” Mary scratches at something on her eyebrow, but Ava’s is sure it’s just a nervous tick. “Is there something I should know?”

“Yes.” What does she even have to lose at this point?

“I’m listening.”

“You first.”

“Woman, what?”

“You said it didn't surprise you. Why is that?”

Mary huffs, not enthused. “It’s not my place to divulge the details, but Beatrice has been through some difficult shit in her life and she finds it hard to express herself. She shuts down as a defense mechanism. Very strong willed and bullheaded when she thinks she’s right.”

“Oh, I know… I’ve been at the receiving end of some of that.” This seems to confirm something for Mary because she’s leaning forward, like she wants to probe, but Ava is controlling the conversation now. “What sort of difficult shit?”

“Honestly, Camila knows better than I do. It involves her parents and her sexuality. A lot to unpack there, but the gist is she’s been hiding herself away for so long that it has basically become second nature. The more you repress your feelings the easier everything around you becomes.”

“Her actions betray her though.”

Mary nods, but adds, “Only with Camila, but they’ve been inseparable their whole lives so that hardly counts.” Mary’s eyes meet hers, “And you, you’re the exception. I can see that she’s different around you.”

She wants to know more, as if hearing it coming from someone close to Beatrice means it’s coming from Beatrice herself. “The exception?”

But Mary looks away, catching on to what she wants, then changes the subject. “She’s under a lot of pressure, I’m sure you know this.”

She wants to roll her eyes, because that’s such a fucking easy thing to say, and it doesn’t excuse anything. “We’re all under a lot of pressure.” She replies, and she hopes Mary notes her annoyed tone. “It doesn’t mean you close yourself off.”

“I don’t need to know the specifics.”

This conversation was starting to bring back the anger she had so delicately put away into a box. “Fine, then what is it you want to know?”

“Your intentions.”

“Don’t you mean Beatrice’s intentions?”

“I know Beatrice’s intentions.”

“That makes one of us.”

“You’re a very difficult person to speak to.”

“I’m upset.”

“At her?”

“Yes.”

Mary sighs, she knows something Ava doesn’t. And all she wants to do is coax it out of her, but Mary is intent on protecting Beatrice. “The whole JC thing, what’s happening there?”

“It was a catch up dinner, we were in the same city. The media likes to twist things.”

“And did they? Twist things?”

“Yes.”

“Beatrice doesn’t think that.”

Ava moves her hands around vaguely, “Clearly. Seeing as I’m here in the middle of the woods because she wrote a song about it.”

Mary laughs at that, shaking her head. “I was wondering why you were here, I thought you were a busy girl.”

“I’m here because Beatrice needs me.”

“Camila called you though, not Beatrice.” It’s like Mary knows what she wants to hear and is just waiting for Ava to spit it out. “Don’t make me pull teeth Ava, I don’t like wasting my time.”

“Everything is delayed because of me.”

“Because of your sneaking around, you mean?” Mary’s hand stretches to tap her arm, a gesture which is meant to be comforting, but it’s Mary so it just looks like she’s being reprimanded instead. “Listen, I don’t blame you for any of this. I don’t even blame Beatrice. Whatever is happening between the two of you may have delayed things, but shit happens, we do what we can to correct it, which clearly you are.”

“Thank you.” It’s something. Something she can put into her little mental box called ‘the band hates me’ so that its weight decreases.

“So, your intentions then?”

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

—

Discarded pizza boxes line the floor of the cabin, as the music continues to play loudly in the background. It’s a wrap for the scenes in Ithaca and they’re all enjoying having nothing to do for the remainder of the day.

Beatrice stands from the couch, making a mental note of all the litter hanging around the living room. She sighs knowing full well no one will volunteer to throw any of it away.

She avoids Yasmine as she steps around the mess.

There’s a half finished game of Monopoly where the pieces appear to have been flung up with the board in a fit of rage. An Uno pile that Camila is using as a pillow, too busy replying to fan comments on her phone. Lilith is laying beside her, head resting against Camila’s stomach.

Beatrice walks into the kitchen. Mary and Alice are speaking in hushed tones, while finishing the last of their fries. She opens a few cabinet drawers looking for bin liners, ears catching the words ‘tree branch’ and then both Mary and Alice laugh. She turns to look at them, but they just shift uncomfortably clearing their throats.

When she walks back into the living room Ava is there now too, having been the last of them to shower. Ava’s hair is still slightly wet and curling at the ends. The sight of her all freshly showered and adorable in her pajamas makes Beatrice’s breath stutter, her eyes blinking rapidly in an effort to centre herself and her thoughts.

Ava’s eyes go to Beatrice’s hands, where she’s pulling the bin liner apart.

“Need some help?”

Beatrice doesn’t even really have to nod because Ava is already gathering the empty pizza boxes and stacking them in a neat pile. They go around the room collecting bottles, wrappers, and tissues for a few minutes, working efficiently and in unison. She knows Ava is doing this for her, in an effort to make her feel more at ease and comfortable. After all, she had seen the state of her hotel room at Claridges.

After discarding the full bin bag outside, Beatrice walks back into the kitchen. This time Levy is there applying a face mask.

“Remember to put your facemask on! If I see another dry and cracked face within my vicinity I’m going to start untuning the instruments.”

“You know that’s not really a threat, they untune themselves all the time.”

“Well, I’ll do something!” He hustles out of the room, but not before turning around and insisting, “FACEMASKS!” He looked like Jim Carrey in ‘The Mask’ with avocado goo all over his face.

She reenters the living room to find it has been organised, the games have been put away, the band members are off the floor and seated on the long couch and Yasmine is behind the TV messing with cables.

Camila waves lazily in her direction, “Bea! Come watch, we're going to play Overcooked.”

The four remotes are passed along to Lilith and Camila and Mary and Yasmine.

There’s an empty spot next to Ava, which she takes. Alice’s eyes track her for a moment, but then go back to the TV as the game's title screen comes on.

They’re about to go through the menu when Ava speaks up, “What about Beatrice?”

“What about her?” Lilith replies a little huffily.

“Why doesn’t she get to play?” Ava sounds defensive, like the injustice extends to her as well.

“Beatrice isn’t allowed to play.” Mary replies, while going through the character selection.

“What? Why?”

It’s quiet for a moment, then Camila speaks, attempting to be somewhat delicate about it. “She…can be…intense.”

“Intense?”

“Strongly committed.” Yasmine adds.

“Passionate.” Camila nods along.

Alice is somewhat snickering from behind Ava. “Oh…she's a party pooper.”

Lilith joins in with Alice. “She’s made all of us cry at least once, it's not pretty. Gordon Ramsay takes over her soul.”

“Bea, is this true?”

She nods, it wasn't a lie. She does get overly heated and militant during this game.

The room is quiet apart from the music in the background as the other members choose their character.

Ava nudges her side gently, “I’ll play with you.”

“You don’t have to. I know I can get a little ahead of myself.”

“No, I want to. I want to play with you.”

Ava, stop. She needs Ava to stop being so Ava.

“Well, this I gotta see then.” Mary tosses the remote over to Ava and Yasmine mimics the action, passing hers to Beatrice.

Ava has chosen the pink octopus and Beatrice the robot.

After a few minutes of explaining the game rules to Ava and playing through a few warm up stages, the fun begins to dissipate. The shouting begins halfway through the round when the orders begin to fail and pile on.

Camila and Lilith are sitting on the floor communicating smoothly between one another. Lilith asks for rice, Camila puts it to steam. Camila needs chopped fish and seaweed, Lilith rushes to grab them for her.

On the other hand she and Ava are on the edge of their seats slowly getting through as many orders as they can, but Ava is not keeping up with the demand and her brain is getting a little agitated. It’s a simple, just do things in order kind of game and prep when you have time, but Ava just does things as they come and there’s a mess in what should be her work area, with uncooked food thrown all around every possible surface.

She can’t find the damn seaweed. The pink octopus is stuck on the conveyor belt. “Ava! Ava you need to get the rice! It’s going to burn! HURRY!”

“I’m trying!”

“Press the dash!” Beep! BEEEP!! BBEEEP BEEEP BEEEEEP! “Get the extinguisher!”

The pink octopus rushes to the extinguisher but in the madness just begins to spin in place.

“You need to set the food you're holding down!”

“I’M TRYING! There’s nowhere to set it down!”

“If you were more organised then maybe you’d have some counter space!”

The robot joins where the pink octopus is, grabbing every food item and tossing it aside to reach for the extinguisher. But it’s too late. The fire is spreading to the other pots and dishes, ruining all their work.

Lilith and Camila start to laugh, spinning their characters in place as the chaos unfolds on the screen, fully committed to the bit of annoying Beatrice.

“HEEEEEEEEELP! Help!” Camila shouts.

The failed stage title comes up and the room bursts into laughter.

“WHAT ARE YOU!?” Lilith and Camila shout in unison.

“AN IDIOT SANDWICH!” Yasmine, Mary and Alice reply.

Beatrice knows they’re all waiting for her to blow up because things like this just get under her skin. She’s determined not to give them the satisfaction. She can and will keep cool. She grabs Ava’s hand and walks her to the kitchen, breathing deeply the whole way. “Okay. That was a dismal round but we’ve got this. We have to focus! We can do this. I need you to listen to me.”

Ava nods eagerly.

“This is unacceptable, you have to stay prepping. Stay on your side. I’m working on steaming the rice and cleaning the dishes, you need to work on cutting the cucumbers and the salmon for the sushi rolls and pre-plating the seaweeds on the plates.”

“Yes, chef!”

“And pay attention, some are cucumber rolls, some are salmon rolls, we can’t keep messing up these orders, that’s how we lose money.”

“Yes, chef!”

“You need to keep your work area clean in case there’s a fire and one of us needs to grab the extinguisher.”

“Yes, chef!” At this Ava wiggles her eyebrows.

They can do this. She’ll show them. Ava and her are the perfect team.

They walk back into the living room and find that everyone is looking at them with amusement. Beatrice suspects that they probably think she blew up on Ava, but all she wants is for Ava to succeed and from Ava’s reaction she wants that as well.

Ava’s hand meets her left buttcheek, “LET’S FUCKING DO THIS!” Then, she sits in front of the TV, patting the spot next to her.

Beatrice sits, focus mode activated. “Let’s freaking do this!”

This time around, the pink octopus keeps to the top of the screen away from the conveyor belt. They go through various orders perfectly with plenty of pre-cut cucumbers and salmon around for the robot to grab and plate and send the orders through. The rice doesn’t burn. The food doesn’t gather on the counters. They communicate well.

Ava is attentive and has even started to anticipate what items Beatrice will need before she needs them. They’re halfway through the stage in no time, and she can hear shouting from behind as Lilith and Camila begin to scramble with some of their orders, as she sneaks a glance to their side of the screen.

(*)

I'm sorry if I push your good away

Especially when I'm needin' you to stay

I know you hate that I still test your love

I'm tryin' not to fuck this up

They clear the stage with a perfect score. Three stars all around. Her focus subsides and she can finally tune into the room again. Carly Rae Jepsen is blasting through the speakers as everyone jumps up to celebrate their win, the song wasn’t just in her head.

But the benefit of all the broken hearts

That I broke before they could break me

Is a little bit of life regrets

I won't bring that mess to you when you're with me

And I wanna be brave enough to show you my not-so-perfect family

And I wanna be brave enough for everything

Beatrice throws the remote to the side, tackling Ava onto the floor before she can even think about what she’s doing, but it’s okay because Ava returns the hug just as tightly, all while giggling. And they’re both smiling widely, relishing their win. Arms stroke up and down her back a couple of times before they wrap around her again. And she wants to stay in this spot for as long as she can, breathing Ava in and feeling just how warm and snuggly she is. Feeling just how right this all feels, wrapped around Ava .

Surrender my heart

(I'm out here in the open)

I wanna get closer

(I'll believe in you every night)

Surrender my heart

I wanna be open, I wanna be honest with you

“WHY ARE YOU ALL SHOUTING!” Levy charges into the room, a blanket around his shoulders and everyone freezes in place. “May I remind everyone that it’s 12 AM and we all have a flight in 5 hours!”

Alice’s foot pushes against her ass, effectively shoving her off Ava, “You heard the hot mess.”

She scrambles up to her feet then extends her hand for Ava to take, helping her up.

Mary and Yasmine have disappeared with a wave into one of the many bedrooms, Alice going upstairs to read a book and unwind, leaving Lilith and Camila on the couch along with her and Ava. They’ve all been chatting for what seems like hours, but she can sense that everyone is on the verge of sleep because the conversations are dragging and starting to not make sense.

Alice has come down the stairs again, she looks sleepy, but determined. “Ava, you need to at least get a few hours of sleep, why don’t you come upstairs?”

Ava’s face pinches, “I’ll be fine. I can sleep on the plane.”

Beatrice looks between them, they appear to be having a silent conversation with their eyes. Alice’s are intense and little bloodshot and Ava’s are persistent and definitely tired.

“Remember I have that rash on my back that I can’t reach?” Ava looks even more confused than she is. “I need the ointment for it. And I need you to apply it for me.”

“What ointment?”

“THE ointment.”

“Do you two have like bed chem or something?” Lilith queries from beside Camila.

Alice and Ava both glare in Lilith’s direction.

Camila who has begun to snuggle into the couch lifts her butt and says, “Have you ever tried this one?”

Ava snorts.

Alice sighs before going back upstairs.

They all stay in the living room slowly coming to terms that they can’t continue to fight the exhaustion taking over their bodies. She’s sure Lilith and Camila have long fallen asleep. Ava appears to be succumbing as well, leaning to her right and facing Beatrice, legs lazily on the chaise lounge.

She grabs the blanket nearby and spreads it between the two of them, slowly lowering herself to a comfortable sleeping position. Her eyes droop and linger on Ava’s serene sleeping face, one final thought goes through her mind. This is the happiest she’s felt in months. This feels right .

And finally at peace she gives into sleep.

I used to soldier through my hardest days

I used to switch it off, ignore the pain

I craved to feel it all entirely

In your arms, baby

#avatrice #warrior nun #ava silva #sister beatrice #Liturgia

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