#i think im just easily overwhelmed. i quit one dance group at least

[alexanderpearce]

literally how is it that ive got no uni for a sem and due to circumstances outside of my control no work for another month and im still so completely overwhelmed by tasks i feel like crying

[baekkxong]

A-List – Part 2

Part 1

Pairing: BTS Jungkook X Reader

Genre: Angst

Warning: Swearing

Word Count: 1,834

A/N 2 months later and it’s updated im sosorry

You were miserable. Miserable to the point that you no longer found dancing, singing and performing an enjoyment of yours. It was all laborious, tiring and arduous. It required such strenuous effort and you no longer found the motivation or excitement in your work. You used to find being an idol such a blessing – you were one among the incredibly lucky ones. Yet now, you wondered quite how immoral you must have been to deserve experiencing such an unfair scenario. You could feel yourself drifting away from your bandmates, becoming more spiteful towards even the friendliest workers in the company, and tending to stay in your room until you needed to come out.

Once Jisu, Mijin and Yeona had heard the news, they’d bombarded you with questions: why didn’t you tell us beforehand? Wasn’t he treating you right? I thought you were head over heels for him? It had all become so overwhelming they’d reduced you tears, crying into their arms while avoiding answering a single one of their questions.  

While you’d got away with remaining secretive about the whole deal with Jungkook, Jisu had decided she’d have to pursue what happened in order to help heal you. You had been in your room tidying relentlessly – something which had become a coping habit of yours - when Jisu had let herself inside.

“Hey,” she approached you softly, soft brown eyes adjusting to the dim lighting in the room. You threw the last pillow on your bed and looked up to see her. She was dressed in a strap top and pyjama shorts, face clean of makeup and hair up in a messy bun. You were in similar attire, although you felt nothing as radiant as she looked in her natural state.

“Hi.” Your voice was quiet.

She lowered herself down onto your bed, reaching for your wrist and tugging gently. You sat next to her. The tension between the both of you was like that of friends who’d recently fought. Jisu was behaving as if you’d explode any second; she was stepping on eggshells.

“I just wanted to talk,” Jisu shrugged, “to you.”

“About what?” you questioned, although you needn’t have asked.

“You know… the situation.”

You frowned uncomfortably and looked away from her, finding something on the wall of your room to look at instead. Jisu shifted closer to you and reached for both your wrists which were resting between your thighs.

“Y/N, anyone can see how shit you feel. And that you miss Jung- ” You whipped your head around, wincing and shocking her to silence for a moment. Jisu sighed. “We’re all worried about you. You can open up to me, you know. Please, it’ll make you feel better. And how can we help if you’re caging yourself away from us?”

You were trying so hard, holding with all your might to keep the brick wall you’d built from collapsing. Feeling like a child, you bit your lip to push the tears back and looked away. The wall was trembling. Seeing Jisu so anxious and sympathetic hurt you, and soon were unable to protect the wall from the tremors. You burst into tears, sobbing into Jisu’s shirt while she rubbed your back comfortingly. You stayed like that for a while before finally leaning away from her and looking her into her concerned eyes.

“Hyunwoo made me do it. Of course I never wanted to break up with Jungkook; I love him so much. I never wanted any of this to happen.”

You’d never seen Jisu’s eyes filled with so much sincerity.

“Break up with him?! What? Why?” you demanded, challenging Hyunwoo. He opened his mouth to respond, but instead you interrupted him. “You think me breaking up with him is going to make more money for you?! Look at you,” you gestured to your manager – still sitting on the desk and looking down at you as if he were a king – “you’re richer than all of us put together. Instead of watching our earnings run into your pocket, why don’t you invest in the wellbeing of the members?” you ranted, unable to control yourself as the accusations kept coming out.

Hyunwoo remained scarily calm.

“Y/N,” he began, shifting slightly and allowing you to recognise the pounding of your blood in your head, “I don’t appreciate the way you’re speaking to me.”

You were silent.

“You will break up with him tonight.”

“… Why me?” you asked, your throat hoarse as you daren’t let any tears arise.

“It’s your relationship. You do it. And you will not tell him the truth.”

“Excuse me?”

“Right, picture this. Y/N, you’re tired of dealing with the publicity. The hate is getting to you. You hate how your relationship is a spectacle for fans all over the world. That is why you’re breaking up with him.” Hyunwoo set the scene as easily and as casually as if you were filming a music video. He was getting you into your role – getting you in the head of who you were playing as you often did. While Hyunwoo’s director instincts were great, often producing fantastic ideas, it meant he viewed the world with great expectations, as if everything were literature and he were the writer. He enjoyed being in control, to write the story and watch the events unfold and fall into place.

“You expect me to lie to him?” Your voice was barely a whisper and your manager had to strain to hear you.

“You of all people know what Jeon Jungkook’s like. He won’t stand for it. He can be rather hot-headed, can’t he?” You wanted to defy him, to say that lying wouldn’t be necessary, but you full well knew how angry Jungkook would become. Hyunwoo was right, and it made you sick. Talking about Jungkook like that felt so personal; discussing his personality only made your heart warm with familiarity, but was soon struck with ice once the circumstances crawled back to you. Even Hyunwoo knew that Jungkook would be upset and protective over you – and it only broke your heart more.

Searching desperately for an excuse, you wildly attempted to stall the process one last time.

“It wouldn’t make any sense – breaking up with him now. We’re so happy at the moment,” you tried.

“Y/N,” Hyunwoo said sternly. “Just do it.”

He gave you a look which you knew all too well, one that screamed the threats he had in mind. You had crossed Hyunwoo one too many times and had certainly learnt to obey him. All four of you had grown to become submissive and respectful towards your manager. It was unfair and inhumane, his form of mental torture, but it also made you successful. While what he did was wrong, you had all been twisted to believe that it was justified – you lived a glorious life loved by all the world after all.

Your group had been close with the whole of BTS, frequently visiting their dorms like college kids. You no longer went. The other three girls noticed that Jungkook hardly joined them anymore, and while the nine of them were used to the two of you being absent, an unhappy aura hung low in the air. You two would only be absent as you were together - and the thought that you were both in your rooms alone, mourning the relationship, made everyone uncomfortable. It was all so different and wrong.

Everyone sans for both you and Jungkook were huddled in BTS’ living room. Some were slung lazily on the sofas and chairs, while some crowded round the coffee table, sitting cross-legged on the carpet. You’d ordered pizza and had put a movie on, which ran quietly in the background while you all chatted.

“I still can’t believe Y/N broke up with Jungkook. It just seems so unlike her – weren’t they happy?” Namjoon asked, sitting in front of the small table while trying his best to build a house of cards. Jisu was silent, staring at the floor and convincing herself that spilling the truth wouldn’t necessarily fix things.

Yeona frowned. “I know, it’s so strange. Y/N’s been miserable the whole time. It sucks seeing her like this.”

“Then why’d she do it?” Yoongi questioned, sitting with his legs swinging over the armrest of his sofa chair and pulling out an earphone.

“Speaking of,” Jisu interrupted, attempting to steer the conversation away while also gaining some kind of information. “How is Jungkook?”

Namjoon opened his mouth to respond before the door of the sitting room opened. It was Jungkook himself, dressed in a huge red hoodie with the hood up, concealing his messy hair. All eyes fell on him, tracing his movement. There were dark circles under his eyes, and while they were grey, they stood out as if they were fluorescent.

“Jungkook! You going to join us?” Jimin piped up, smiling extra widely to his friend and attempting to lighten the mood in the room.

“Just came to get pizza,” Jungkook answered, making his way to the coffee table and picking up the last, cold slice in one of the cardboard boxes.

“Why don’t you stay? We can play a game of cards,” Jisu suggested and glanced at Namjoon, who had almost finished building his tower. Namjoon flicked an evil glance back at her – it had taken him all night to get as far as he had with the playing cards just then, but would really do anything if it meant improving Jungkook’s mood.

“Nah, I’m good. Tired.” He turned and departed the room while everyone watched after him with sad eyes.

“Yeah, not so well,” Taehyung sighed, answering Jisu’s previous question.

“At least he ate something this time,” Hoseok said, eyes lingering on the now empty pizza box.

You found yourself in Hyunwoo’s office again, and never had you hated your job quite so much as you did in that particular moment. You stood lazily, your posture untidy and unattractive while you glared aimlessly at a painting of a gloomy and desolate forest, where a strange white path stretched forwards to nowhere behind your manager’s head.

“Are you listening?” he hissed, and you blinked, in an attempt to bring yourself back to reality.

“Sorry, yes.”

“You were tying him back, holding him down. Jungkook didn’t deserve that. Now he’s thriving, don’t you see it? Their comeback was a tremendous success, and it’s all thanks to you.” He smiled falsely. Hyunwoo structured his words carefully to make sure you were both aware that it was in fact him who had boosted BTS’ success, not you, by steering your relationship to a dead end. Your band’s sales had increased also, however Hyunwoo cautiously decided not to address that. He was snide, and soon he’d drilled it into your head that you should feel guilty. “Jungkook must maintain his innocent, maknae image. You understand that, don’t you?”

You nodded, and soon realised that your fingernails, which had been digging into your elbow, had drawn blood.