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henry7931 · 2 days ago

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Swap Short: Thanksgiving Edition

Not My Cousin Andrew’s Body!

Jamie:

I loath the thought of Thanksgiving because my family is so freaking weird! Every year we get together and all of us stay in my Uncle’s house for the night before Thanksgiving. And right before bed all of us are forced to play this dumb game. We call it, ‘guess who.’ (Which is nothing like the board game btw.)

Basically everyone randomly swaps bodies with someone else and none of us know who’s in who. We all have to try our best at pretending to know whoever’s body we’re in that year. And the last two who don’t get guessed correctly basically win bragging rights and like $500. I personally don’t want to participate but I don’t have much of a choice.

So when I arrived at my Uncle’s house, I caught up with my family. I felt the my nerves kick in every time someone mentioned the game.

I looked around the room, thinking to myself who would I be comfortable being for a day. Probably my Uncle Peter or maybe my little cousin Davie. I haven’t swapped with either of them yet. But I know one person who I’d hate to swap bodies with… my cousin Andrew. I find him repulsive!

He’s one of those far right guys who just has the most punchable face you’ve ever seen. He looks like he skips a bath every other day and I’m confident that he’s not a fan of gay people. I don’t know, I try to avoid him at all cost. Luckily I haven’t swapped with him yet and I’m hoping it stays that way.

By the time the night started to wrap up, I was so ready to go to bed. I say good night to everyone and laid in bed slowly falling asleep thinking about who I was going to be in the morning.

The Next Day…

As I wake up, it takes me a moment to get my bearings. It’s just so dark in the room but it doesn’t take me long to realize that I was no longer in the room I fell asleep in.

I stumble to find a lamp and turn it on. As I swing my new borrowed legs out of bed. I stared down at the feet that I now control.

I don’t even get up quickly, my mind races eliminating who I could possibly be until i conform who’s stubby toes I’m looking at. Andrews.

“SHITTTT FUCKKK!!! WHHHYYYYYY!!!!”

I stand up feeling Andrew’s heavier frame move and almost want to cry. I look the in mirror confirming what I already knew.

“Well this fucking sucks.”

I stare at his reflection taking it all in when I realize something else. I’m hard as a rock right now.

The bulge underneath his pjs was begging for my attention. And I didn’t want anything to do with it.

I try to ignore it but it’s difficult. His body is just soo horny!

I walk myself through the logistics and my best conclusion was to just close my eyes and pretend I’m in my body.

So I lay back in bed and pull off the pajama bottoms. And the smell of ball sweat fills my nostrils.

My eyes are still closed and I reach down to touch his dick. As his fingers embrace his dick, I feel a rush come over me.

His dick… it’s so sensitive especially his cockhead.

I trace his fingers along his balls and feel so turned on. And it’s like I don’t even have pretend anymore that I’m still myself. Even in my cousins body, it’s kinda hot jerking off with someone else’s dick.

I pump faster and faster… I start to moan. I open my eyes and stare down at my cousin’s junk.

I bring his fingers up and sniff them… they smell like a jockstrap. Who knows the last time he’s washed his dick.

I pump faster and faster…

And then the freaking door swings open!

“What the fuck!”

It’s my body standing at the door. I thought about stopping but I’m too deep into it.

He slams the door shut and runs over.

“Jamie! What the hell dude!!! Stop playing with my dick in front of me.”

“I… can’t …stop! Your body… it’s too…. Horny!!”

“Shit! Here,” he says pulling my fingers off of his dick.

Andrew wraps his fingers around it and starts working it in a way that feels a million times better.

I can’t handle it! I end up cumming everywhere and he’s now soaked in it.

“Are you kidding me??? God of course this is what happens when I swap with my gay cousin!”

“Oh come on!! It’s your body, you think I wanted to do that?”

“Maybe! I don’t know, you’re the one who likes dick!”

“Well it looks like you enjoyed the show too!”

Andrew looks down and he’s now rocking a boner. His face turns red.

“Did you enjoy jerking yourself off?,” I say to him.

He looks away and groans. “Yeah… it was kinda hot.”

“Yeah well I have to say it was hot watching my body doing the work as well. You definitely know your way with your dick”

I look at my boner and get an idea.

I grab Andrew and tug him into bed.

“What are you doing?”

“A favor.”

I pull off the pair of shorts I had on last night and my dick comes flying out.

“Wait! Are you about to?”

I grab my dick and force it down Andrew’s throat.

“Holy shit!” he screams out.

I put in the work and feel him running my hands over his body.

I run my fingers down my balls to my taint and then my hole. He squirms and lets out a little noise as I insert his digits into my hole. He tries to complain until he realizes just how good it feels.

I then pull back and decided to try something a little more freaky.

I laugh to myself thinking about how much of a mind fuck this has to be for my conservative cousin. I take both of his feet and lick them.

“Fuckkkk why is that so hot to watch,” he says to me.

“Oh you like watching me lick your feet? What if I did this…”

I wrap his toes around my dick and start pumping. He’s moaning so loud now and ends up exploding all over them.

And reaches for one of his feet and rubs the cum covered foot on my face.

“Oh my god, that was… that was amazing…” he says out of breath.

I grin at him and say, “ I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“But don’t get any ideas! I’m not gay!!”

“Are you sure? Because you just rubbed your cum covered foot all over.”

He gets agitated and says, “YEAH WELL! ITS ONLY BECAUSE IM IN YOUR GAY ASS BODY!”

I laugh and say , “then why am I not attracted to girls then Andrew?”

“Well… that’s a good point.”

“So how about you whip off my face and go get ready for the day cuz.”

Andrew grabs my shorts and throws them on.

“Don’t forget my face!”

He turns around and grabs a rag. He whips it and throws it on the ground. I giggle loudly as he storms out of the room slamming the door.

“Shit, that almost made this worth it!,” I say laying back in his naked body.

The rest of the day was fun. Mainly because I got to fuck with Andrew the entire time and he couldn’t say shit!

Andrew sat across from me and I pulled off his shoes. And then just one sock.

I sit back in the chair crossing my arms and stared at him while wiggling his toes.

Andrew gazes at them for a minute before standing up and storming out again.

As the day goes on, I watched my family trying there hardest to put up a front for everyone. My little cousin Davie was the first one out, ironically he swapped bodies with my uncle Peter.

He was pretty easy since he kept talking about how cool it was being an adult. Then it was my dad and my grandpa, then my aunt and her son… soon it came down to only four of us.

None of us were aloud to out one another. Now it’s up to the rest of the family to guess. You have my brother Ashton and my other Uncle Jessie. And then me and Andrew.

But it was one wrong guess that lead me to a victory. ✌️ Yep! I won the game (and so did Andrew technically).

We both got ushered to the front and they asked us to say a few words.

I speak up and say, “Well, I’m happy I swapped with Andrew this year. I feel like we got to know each other better and can’t say we’ve ever been closer. Is that right Andrew?” I say wrapping his strong arm around him.

“Yeah… I agree, we’re so much closer now.”

“Well good job guys!,” I says Uncle Pete in Davie body.

I grin and discreetly grab one of my butt cheeks which causes Andrew to blush.

I hear him say under his breath, “I hate you.”

“Yeah well, you got a few more hours and then we get to do this again next year,” I say softly back to him.

“Great…”

We all head to the dinner table and I purposely sit across from Andrew.

“So who’s ready for some turkey?”

#body swap #male body swap

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thebookewyrme · 13 hours ago

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Hey! Almost-40 here and experienced with this! I promise! All is not lost! You can very much have a life where friendships are your important relationships as much as family, I promise! First, modern technology is fucking amazing and you are not doomed to lose your friend just because they are moving away. Think of it like a long-distance relationship! I have been in a long distance relationship for about 8 years. Due to family obligations, I cannot move from where I am for at least another 5 years. Several of my dear friends, including my platonic partner, have also left the state I live in to escape anti-lgbt government. The secret is to make time for doing more than just short phone calls in those relationships. Use video-calling and screen-sharing technology to watch tv & movies together over long distance. Get involved in an online multiplayer game with them. Hell, play words with friends with them! There are many ways you can connect without being in the same place, and between those longer interactions, keep up the texting/messaging as often as you can.

Second, it is still possible to make new friends as an adult. Maybe you won’t have exactly the same relationship with them as your friend who moved away, but you can still form deep and meaningful connections. There are apps for finding friends now! If you’re queer I highly recommend Lex, I’ve found several friends there. Also, going out and doing things you like. Find out if your library has a craft group, or a book club, or whatever. Join a roller derby team. Go to game stores that have open ttrpg game nights and join a Pathfinder one-shot every week. Whatever you like doing in meatspace, find a group for doing it with and join it. You will make friends. Another strategy is volunteering for community projects. Volunteer with a soup kitchen, or the local pride center, or at the library. The people you volunteer with can become friends as well.

But most importantly do not give up and become an asocial shut in (be a shut in if you need for disability reasons, but keep reaching out and being social in whatever ways you can). And remember, you can visit your friends still, even if they move very far away. Maybe not often if you’re poor like I am, but sometimes you’ll be able to. They are not gone from your life forever, and just because one friend leaves you are not doomed to loneliness. You will miss your friend when they are gone. It will be hard sometimes. Feel your feelings, then get up the next day and keep being part of your community wherever you find it. It’ll be ok I promise.

And if all else fails, you’ve still got tumblr. 💚

Going on r/relationshipadvice but instead it’s just how not to be all consumingly heartbroken to learn a dear friend of yours is moving away

#adult friendship

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steddieas-shegoes · 1 day ago

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sold out, one night only

for @corrodedcoffinfest popup event for Black Friday using 'one day night only'

rated m | 2980 words | cw: implied and referenced sexual content | tags: modern era, pop star steve, rock star eddie, semi-famous corroded coffin, exes to lovers, getting back together

🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤

The poster is huge, takes up most of the board in the club announcing new events. It’s surprisingly simple for something so large.

‘One Night Only’ accompanied by a picture of Steve Harrington, recently out queer pop icon, and a date and time.

Tonight is the one night only.

Eddie stares at it, kind of wishes he didn’t feel like sobbing, and then books it out of the club.

If he’s gonna make it across town before Steve’s show is done, he’s gotta hope for the least amount of traffic he’s ever seen and a lot of luck. Maybe, if he’s really lucky, the show was delayed enough that he’s still on stage singing.

He manages to find an Uber only a block away, offers them a 50% tip if they can get him to the arena in less than five minutes, and leans his head back against the seat.

~~~~

Four years ago, when Steve followed Eddie and his band to Chicago, neither of them expected much to happen. Corroded Coffin was small town good, but they quickly found that they weren’t quite what record labels were looking for.

A small indie label from San Francisco was interested, though.

So they packed up and moved to California, and to celebrate the first recording session, they went to a karaoke bar and all took turns singing songs that you’d never expect them to.

Steve took a turn singing a Harry Styles song and it was game over.

The whole bar went silent until he was done, and then it was pandemonium as people rushed him as he got off the stage, telling him he should be famous, and that he had the voice of an angel, and that he should try to sign a record deal.

And Eddie knew he could sing; he’d heard him in the shower and the car plenty.

There was just something about seeing him on stage and knowing that Steve was meant for more that really cut into his heart and made him bleed out on that bar floor.

It was the beginning of the end for them that night.

Eddie pushed him away. Steve stopped fighting it.

Steve signed with a huge company out of New York and moved before Eddie even realized he ruined everything.

He hasn’t spoken to him since, not even the one time Dustin had to have surgery and requested everyone be back in Hawkins in case something went wrong. He was being dramatic about leg splints, but they did it anyway.

Eddie caught one glimpse of Steve walking out of the Henderson home the night that Dustin got to leave the hospital, but he didn’t stop him.

Corroded Coffin is big enough to do festival circuits, even playing on the main stage for some of them.

Steve Harrington is big enough to go to Grammy parties and duet with Sabrina Carpenter.

And Eddie is stupid enough to think he can get backstage to apologize to him for being dumb enough to let him walk away.

~~~~

When he arrives at the arena, he’s told he needs a ticket to enter. This is a fact he knew before getting here, but one he chose to ignore in hopes that he might be able to bribe someone with his romantic story.

Unfortunately, the middle aged man who reminds him a lot of Wayne couldn’t care less about his need to tell Steve he loves him.

“You and the 20,000 others in the audience, bud,” the man says. “No ticket, no entrance.”

“Okay, I know you probably hear this often, but I swear he knows me. He’d let me in,” Eddie explains, but the guy is somehow even less impressed. “Oh! Wait. I have proof.”

Eddie pulls out his phone and opens his photos. The album named ‘Stevie ♥️’ is still in his favorites, even though Robin made him promise he’d delete it after the last time she visited. He may have promised he would, but he never said when.

It’s hundreds of photos of them together, mostly selfies, personal pictures they took on dates or in bed or on their road trip or-

“I told you to delete those.”

Eddie spins around at Robin’s voice. She’s standing near the set of doors at the end of the long line of doors, two security guards flanking her.

“And I will. Eventually.” Eddie walks towards her, ignoring the man telling him he needs to leave.

“What are you doing here?” She asks even though she has to know.

She’s his friend even though she’s Steve’s platonic soulmate. She isn’t being mean on purpose. She’s just being protective of both of them.

“Robin…” he starts.

She holds up a hand. “If I take you backstage, will this be a one night only thing or a start to forever thing? Because honestly, I don’t think he can take seeing you if it’s only for you to leave right after. He’s barely-” She cuts herself off, eyes widening.

“He’s what?” Eddie pushes, needing to know what she was gonna say.

She sighs. He knew he’d get her to give in easily.

“He’s barely holding it together as it is,” she admits. “I had to bribe him to get on stage tonight.”

“Bribe him? For this show?”

“And the last dozen or so. He’s tired. He-” She sighs again, heavier. “He misses you.”

“If he misses me, then he should call. Or text. Send a carrier pigeon.” Eddie doesn’t mean for the words to bite, but he can’t help the way he feels and he knows he’s safe with Robin. She won’t take it personally or let him stew in it for too long. “It’s not like he doesn’t have access to me if he really wants it.”

“Eddie. You made it very clear you didn’t want to hear from him ever again.”

“I made it very clear that I loved him too much to hold him back. He was the one who pushed it to this,” Eddie tries.

He doesn’t succeed. Robin is shaking her head, laughing with disbelief.

“You two are made for each other. I’ll bring you backstage, but if I see a single tear shed in anything other than happiness, I’m calling Jeff and telling on you.”

Eddie can’t help but laugh. Calling Jeff isn’t quite the threat it used to be, not since Jeff got himself a very serious girlfriend who keeps him busy. Even if it was, Robin knows Jeff’s just gonna nod along, give Eddie a sad look, and move on.

He follows Robin through the door she came through, waving at the guard who was giving him a hard time– “he’s just doing his job, Eddie” – and feels his throat catch on his next breath when he can hear the beat of the music.

Steve’s pop rock sound isn’t necessarily Eddie’s favorite type of music, but he did stay up until midnight for the release of his debut album. It’s Steve. What’s he gonna do? Not listen to it?

His voice is just this side of raspy, like there’s a scratch of his throat when he hits the lower register his voice will allow. He almost sounds like when Eddie would-

“Alright. He’s got two songs left and an encore. Encore is usually just one song, but this is a special night so he may do a bonus from his new album. Don’t touch anything,” Robin sends him into the green room, waving off the security person who is standing at the door. “Don’t make me regret letting you in here. And don’t hurt yourself.”

“Jesus, Robbie, I’m not a child. I’m not gonna hurt myself-”

“I didn’t mean physically.” She gives him a sad look. “I care about you, too.”

Eddie’s shoulders fall as he breathes out. He didn’t realize how tense he’d been. Robin hugs him and moves to the door.

“I’ll make sure you guys have some privacy for a bit, but we do have a tight schedule. Security’s only here while the crew packs up,” she explains. Eddie nods. He knows the drill. He may not be an international pop star, but he deals with the ins and outs of venues often enough.

Robin leaves and the only sound is the bass thumping of Steve’s last song. Eddie looks around at how bare the room is. Usually, Corroded Coffin has to share a green room with a few other bands unless they pull off headlining the main stage. Those rooms are usually cluttered, crews and musicians constantly coming and going, leaving trash and guitar picks behind. The only thing in this room that would hint at Steve using it is a bag of half-eaten white cheddar popcorn on the table next to an empty water bottle and a mug of what looks like green tea.

Steve’s a big enough star to make absurd requests for backstage, but it’s clear he doesn’t. Eddie isn’t surprised. Steve’s never really been one to ask for things that would benefit him.

He hears the screaming, knows Steve’s just left the stage. He’s probably standing nearby, hiding behind curtains or stacks of speakers, maybe even in plain sight.

“Wait!” Robin’s voice is right outside the door.

The door opens.

Steve’s there, breathless, sweaty, hot as hell.

“Steve, you still have a song,” another woman in khakis and a polo shirt is rushing up to him, waving a clipboard in his face.

“Eddie.” Steve’s voice is rough when he speaks. Eddie can tell it’s more from emotion than the nearly two hour set list he just performed.

“Steve.” Eddie is waiting for Steve to move, for anyone to move. He can’t.

“Steve, you need to go back onstage.”

Eddie has his arms full of Steve before anyone can respond to the woman just trying to do her job. She looks like she’s a tech manager, but usually they wear all black, and Eddie doesn’t know all there is to know about an international superstar performing a concert even though he does know all there is to know about Steve.

He knows that he prefers earl gray tea with real sugar, not the green tea with honey that’s sitting on the coffee table. He knows that his favorite treats are the mini Kit Kats– “not the regular ones, they taste different, I swear!”-- not popcorn that gets stuck in his teeth for hours. He knows that he likes making places feel like home no matter how temporary he’s there, and there’s not a single item in this room that makes it feel lived in.

The woman seems to give up on getting Steve back on stage, and he’s pretty sure he has Robin to thank for it.

He has Steve in his arms for the first time in way too long. He isn’t wasting a second of it thinking about anyone else.

Steve’s sweat is soaking through Eddie’s shirt already, but he doesn’t really care. He used to love having Steve’s sweat on him; It meant he was doing something right.

He knows a reunion isn’t this easy, and any second now, Steve’s gonna pull away and yell at him, and they’ll fight and Eddie will let it happen because he deserves it and-

“I didn’t think you’d come,” Steve sobs against his neck, breath tickling his skin as his lips brush against him in an almost-kiss.

Suddenly, Eddie knows that Steve planned this. This whole sold out, one night only show was only so Eddie would come see him.

Eddie should be pissed.

Steve could have just fucking called him. Texted him. Sent a carrier pigeon!

But he’s got Steve in his arms and it’s always been pretty hard to be pissed at him when he’s pressed perfectly against his chest.

Robin is clearing the room and cursing Steve for making her clean up his messes, but Eddie can hear the fondness in her voice. She wouldn’t bother giving them time alone together if she didn’t want them to have it.

“Robin said I shouldn’t do it. She said you wouldn’t show.” Tears are falling from Steve’s eyes on Eddie's shirt. “I swore you would. She thought I was crazy.”

“You are crazy,” Eddie laughs, squeezing his arms to pull him in tighter. “Planning something this big in the hopes that I’d come to a pop concert is fucking insane, Stevie.”

“But you did.” Steve leans back and looks at him, watery smile enough to make Eddie feel like he could melt into the floor. “I knew you would.”

Eddie wants to kiss him, wants to ignore everything that went wrong and everything they need to talk about, wants to take Steve apart in this room and make it feel like home because Steve didn’t do that on his own. He doesn’t think he’s made any place feel like home in a long time.

“You put a lot of faith in a guy who let you go,” Eddie whispers.

“You showed up for a guy who left,” Steve says back.

“You only left because I pushed you away,” Eddie argues.

“You only pushed me away because you thought it was best for me,” Steve raises a brow, challenging him to keep going.

Eddie knows Steve has a response for everything, though. He’ll keep putting blame on himself the same way Eddie keeps putting it on himself, and they’ll go round and round and waste precious time that they could be doing other things. Instead of pushing, Eddie sighs and lets his shoulders drop.

“I’m sorry,” he says instead of arguing.

“I’m sorry, too,” Steve relaxes in his arms.

“We still have to talk, Stevie,” Eddie reminds him as he leans in, feels Steve’s breath against his lips.

“We will,” Steve barely gets out before their lips crash together, bruising and needy.

There’s a lot that Eddie missed about Steve. He’s spent countless hours harping over everything he messed up to himself, to Robin, to Wayne, to the band. Steve was forever going to be the one that got away.

“Can we…” Steve gasps against his mouth, hands grasping at every inch of Eddie that they can.

“What do you need?” Eddie wraps his fingers around Steve’s wrists to still him, to make him focus on what he wants.

“Just need you.”

It’s a cop out and they both know it, but Eddie’s fine with it tonight. If he has to be the one to take charge and assume what Steve wants, then he will. For tonight, he can give Steve what he wants to, and Steve will take it.

It’s a little anticlimactic when they come barely five minutes later. They don’t even get a chance to properly remove any clothing before they’re making a mess between them, moaning as if they can’t be heard.

As they come down, and Eddie manages to find a rag that may or may not have been used for other things already, Eddie sees Steve wipe his eyes.

He stops what he’s doing and drops the rag on the floor, pulling Steve close again.

“What’s wrong?” He asks because he can’t let Steve leave him again. Not this time.

“I just don’t want this to be one night only,” Steve cries.

“It won’t be, sweetheart,” Eddie assures him, brushing the fresh tears away as they fall. “We’re gonna figure out how to make it work. The band doesn’t have anything for the next few weeks, so we’ve got time, okay?”

“But I have to leave tomorrow. I have a GQ interview in London,” Steve pouts.

Eddie tries not to be distracted by his bitten-red lips, but they’re just so…biteable.

“I could go to London,” Eddie offers, only slightly joking.

Steve’s eyes light up. “You can?”

“I mean, I can definitely blow some of my savings to follow you around for a bit,” Eddie shrugs.

“As if I’d let you pay.” Steve’s beaming at him. “You really wanna come with me? Even though people will start spreading rumors and it’ll ruin your metal band image?”

“Baby, I’ll stand on that stage right now and scream to everyone who will listen that I’m yours.”

There’s still time to do that, too. Even though it can’t have been more than 20 minutes since Steve left the stage, he has no doubt that there are plenty of stragglers in the arena hoping for Steve to still come out and perform his encore.

“Some fans are kind of-”

“Crazy?” Steve nods. “That’s because you’re perfect. But they can’t have you, right? Not like I can.”

“No. Nobody gets to have me like you do.”

If Robin wasn’t banging on the door to warn them they only had five minutes, Eddie would be trying for another round. Maybe this time, he’d get his mouth on Steve instead of just his hand.

“I guess we should get to the car before fans figure out I’m still here,” Steve suggests. “And before Robin kills us both.”

“Imagine that news story,” Eddie laughs. “Best friend and manager of pop icon Steve Harrington charged with double homicide after seeing more dicks than she’s ever seen in her life.”

“Bold of you to assume she hasn’t seen mine,” Steve laughs as he pulls away. When he sees Eddie’s shocked face, he pats his cheek. “I sleep naked, babe. You knew that.”

Eddie’s face goes back to normal quickly. “Still? I thought that was just so I would-”

“I’m coming in!” Robin shouts as she opens the door. Steve turns away to finish buttoning his pants, but Eddie’s soft dick is right out in the open.

“Seriously?” Robin groans.

Eddie finishes making himself presentable and smirks. “You’ve seen what he’s got. You can’t blame me.”

“I can and I will. Car’s already surrounded, so. Hope you’re good with a hard launch.”

Eddie looks at Steve to check in. Steve gives him a nod.

“Blast off, I guess.”

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #robin buckley #corroded coffin fest #pop star steve harrington #rock star eddie munson #exes to lovers #getting back together

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project-sekai-facts · 3 hours ago

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I'm just gonna leave this here because I feel like I should say something. Mizuki is trans, I still agree with the stuff I said a month ago. Did they say it in the story? No. Were they ever going to say it in the story? Well it seemed like I was but they just pulled the most insane 4 year queerbait.

Did people warn me? Yes, and I probably should've listened more, but from a writer's perspective what happened in Ena5 is very stupid so I had a little bit more hope for clpl. Confining any sort of actual coming out scene to a card story and fading to black over the actual reveal is honestly just cruel. Not to mention that Mizuki's bio is probably locked as "gender: ?".

Mizuki is still a trans character and trans representation, though the lack of actual confirmation really sours her story. Especially since the only indirect confirmation of her identity as a woman comes from student a talking to Ena about Mizuki (the whole Ena is a "normal girl" thing). Having Mizuki being robbed of her chance to come out by transphobes, and never resolving this so her bullies are left as the only credible source of her gender is atrocious. Mizuki being outed was a crucial plot point, to never resolve just leaves a bad taste.

It's still a glaring issue that clpl is trying to play both sides here. Which has always been an issue with things like white day and other marketing featuring Mizuki and the boys together. It's just gross that they're still trying to do it now, cutting off the actual reveal of Mizuki's secret and having the characters say "Mizuki is Mizuki", something that's often used by people who want to deny any trans reading, and a new area conversation about Mizuki's voice. Remember that old area convo about Mizuki having a lower voice. It gets referenced in a new one.

The reveal of the secret itself, transness aside, is comedically bad. Project SEKAI's writing isn't exactly amazing by any means, it's pretty basic in the grand scheme of writing, but this is worse than a lot of their other worst offenders. Building up to this big reveal of a secret that is incredibly important to one character's development, only for it not to actually be revealed, and probably never mentioned again, is ridiculous. It feels like a last minute change to ensure mass appeal but I don't know if it was. If it was, they still failed because some fans are dissatisfied that they never got told what it was, regardless of what they think it was.

And no, it's not corporate meddling. Probably. From colopale, maybe, from Sega, honestly probably not. Sega has other franchises and games with queer and specifically trans characters so it's not like Mizuki would be harmful to their brand image. If anyone interfered it was other staff at colopale.

Anyway, I'm not quitting the game and I'll still be running this blog for the time being. Not saying you have to continue playing and I totally understand people who are dropping the game over this. If anyone wants to add their thoughts to this post or send an ask freel free to.

#mod talks #project sekai spoilers

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imperatorrrrr · 2 days ago

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T!! in honour!! of Nico Natural Hatty!!! tell us your top 3 pieces of Nico lore 🥹🥹🥹 (someone hand this man the whole world he deserves it 💗💗💗💗💗💗)

this is late, but do I ever answer an ask on time? (no, no I don't)

T's Top Three Favorite Nico Hischier Lore Drops:

Nico Hischier did not have his New Jersey driver's license his first couple of seasons playing on the New Jersey Devils. - Nico got his Nova Scotia driver's permit while living with a billet family in Halifax when he played for the Mooseheads from 2016-2017, and got his license in Switzerland in the summer of 2017, but he didn't have his New Jersey driver's license his rookie season. You know who else didn't have their license? Jesper Bratt. So Nico and Jesp used to go to the rink every day with Pavel Zacha (Pav) and Blake Coleman (Pickles). They would drive these two to and from the rink every day. Nico and Jesp were relegated to the back seat which they would refer to as "the couch". This carpooling also gave us some of my favorite Nico videos of him playing Swiss rap in the car and annoying the shit out of his teammates. Nico did not get his New Jersey license until early 2019 if anyone is wondering.

Nico Hischier is always late. - so I don't know if this is still true, but one of Nico's biggest things that his teammates would chirp him about during his early seasons was how often he was late. If they're going somewhere or meeting up, he's always the last one to show up. Its nothing egregious, just five minutes late here and there. This has a lot to do with the fact that he is not a morning person whatsoever, so when he'd be meeting up with someone to go to practice or something he's usually late because it takes him a bit to get up in the morning. There's a story from his rookie season where some of the guys started doing special fines for Nico when he was late and he'd have to hand whoever he left waiting like five bucks each. I don't know if this still holds true. I bet his Captainly instincts have kicked in by now.

If Nico Hischier didn't follow through with his hockey career, he would have finished school and continued onto university. - In an interview with his brother early on in his career when he was asked what he would have done if he didn't have hockey, Nico said he would have finished his schooling and gone to university. His favorite/best subjects in school were the languages. And if he wasn't a hockey player he said he would maybe be a teacher. When Nico was out for about a month last season due to his injury, he got into the Roman Empire and history documentaries/history in general due to the "How often do men think about the Roman Empire" meme. He also has a soft spot for history related shows with Peaky Blinders and Vikings Valhalla being some of his television choices. I just love the idea of nerd adjacent Nico. He's talked a lot about wanting to always be learning and I haven't been able to get post-hockey Nico returning to school. And now that we've learned that he likes to talk philosophy with his mother!

Honorable Mention: Nico Hischier and Jack Hughes and their pre-game three hour naps when they were road roomies Jack's rookie year.

#Nico Hischier #New Jersey Devils #Devils #NJ Devils #NJD #Text #Ask #Question #alpineshift #okay so I haven't done a Nicopedia type post in a bit #so here's one!#to tide us over while we have no hockey tomorrow #or I guess today now #gonna tag #Jesper Bratt #Jack Hughes #too because they are both mentioned here

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rambles-on-dragon-age · 19 hours ago

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The Veil Jumpers were founded by the Dalish but the Dalish aren't their only members. Did you skim past the literal intro to the Veil Jumpers when you were making your character? Arlathan Forest is riddled with reality warping magic and it's incredibly dangerous. They know it's incredibly dangerous and they risk their lives being there and exploring. There are still deeply mistrustful Dalish clans in the area re: the ones being massacred by the Evanuris that escaped that they're trying to help, that's just not the faction we meet. And if you forget, it is crawling with Tevinter Agents (the Venatori) as we have to fight them constantly.

I suggest you play the intro again because they don't meet Bellara and then walk into the bubble; they have already been in the bubble by time they meet Bellara. That's why her intro speech includes "hey, would love to go back with you to Veil Jumper camp, but we can't leave the bubble. Can walk in, cannot walk out. We are stuck." You comment on the funny fog you're walking through before you find her which is the "shell" of the bubble. You are already trapped in there with her, the resident expert, and probably only person that can free you. She has the upper hand in every respect and she knows it; she's just also, as a character, very open and curious and trusting through the rest of the game. You think it would be "more interesting" for her to act out of character and like she's still in a Dalish clan and doesn't like anyone she meets. You're projecting your personal desires at a character and situation that doesn't fit them. That's not the writer's fault, that's on you that you think all Dalish need to act the same. Then again, that gives you purchase to write all the fic you want to rewrite the scenes for your enjoyment.

Also, what proof would they give that they're from the Veil Jumpers besides the inside knowledge that Strife sent them (the name of their leader) because she's the best at elven magic (she is)? That stuff's probably not things that a massacring Venatori crew much cares about. Like what, a lil note from Strife that says "They're not evil." "Hey they're cool." "Trust me bro." or like a hall pass/badge that they give to their newest outsider friends? Arlathan forest has been long picked through of the best stuff and treasure hunters; what's left is incredibly dangerous and the Tevinter gits that try to steal it usually die in the process. Being a Veil Jumper is dangerous after all and the forest doing things it shouldn't is why the Veil Jumpers were founded.

And yes, you are missing the context. 10 years of in-world context apparently. Dragon Age is a mixed media franchise. There's an anthology of short stories, Tevinter Nights, that set up some of the factions and some of our companions and NPC friends and a four volume comic series, The Missing Collection, that details some of Varric and Harding's adventures before picking up Rook (that they picked up cause The Missing makes it obvious that Solas knows them too well and they need a new person that would throw him for a loop). You don't even have to buy them if you can't, you can find where people reupload them for free and share the download link. You can also read the wiki page and get a quick synopsis of each story instead if that's too much work. It'll give you a pretty good idea of the big themes and actions, though you'll miss the good little details. Dragon Age has never contained all of the story in the games. (see, setting up Celene and Briala and meeting Felassan in The Masked Empire or the fact that it's Fiona that's Alistair's mom and Duncan's old friend in The Calling.) Ruins of Reality (free as part of the Dragon Age Day celebration) shows Strife and Irelin getting involved with some of that dangerous awakening magic in Arlathan forest and can be safely viewed as a precursor to why they founded the Veil Jumpers. Between that short story and The Missing is when the group is founded.

But skipping all of that, we learned at the end of Trespasser that Solas was out in the world and has spent 10 years freeing slaves and spreading the news of his self and what he's working towards. He tells the Inquisitor much of the same information he's going to share with others when they catch up to him at the end of the game. Strife and Irelin are the ones that tell you the Evanuris were bad news when you meet them (Rook: OH joy I thought Solas was lying); safe to say, that means it's more likely to be common knowledge now between Solas and Morrigan running around then not. Bellara felt the fuckening happening with the Veil and the magic all starting back up again; it's an easy to accept explanation that that fuckening and the sky getting all weird a few days ago was Solas's ritual that went wrong and the gods busting out of their prison. Gods that they already know are bad news.

You're upset that the faction that welcomes anyone into their ranks with a common goal isn't acting like a Dalish clan when they are not a Dalish clan. It's not shallow writing, it's you getting an idea in your head of how you wanted their meeting to be and then calling it shallow writing.

We do, actually, see slavery in the slavery capital. Even though Neve tells us to our face in no uncertain terms that we are in the poorest part of the city and people here can't afford to have slaves. We walk through multiple homeless camps. There are people in cages and chains down by the docks. You have a mission to kill mercenaries capturing people to sell as slaves. You need to clean up the Blight in that tunnel under the Shadow Dragon hideout because that's a path they use to get slaves out of the city. There's notes about their other escape paths crumbling and needing work so they can keep going. "There's no slavery in Minrathous!!" you walked into a closet and asked why there's no toilet in this bathroom. There was slavery in Minrathous; they just didn't take us to the rich part of town and rub our faces in it to make sure people wouldn't miss it.

The Crows are putting on their best face to their new ally cause they would really really like help with their occupation problem. Crow!Rook and Lucanis have banters about how deadly and grueling and cruel their training was. Lucanis is the last of his family because of infighting slaughtering the rest. Illario straight sold him out to a blood mage, kills that blood mage before she can snitch, and then sells out the other crows and kidnaps/fakes the murder of his grandmother just because he wants to be first crow. There's more, I'm just not hunting it down. Someone else already compiled a post about all the banters showing the Crows are still a bloody problem. Again, the game didn't rub our faces in it so it's magically not there? It's there, it's just not in the limelight right now because of the whole "escaped gods trying to destroy the world" thing happening.

The factions themselves don't even interact until the final battle and only if you've helped them all. And things are kind of cut to the bone by then; it's do or die on a global scale. The cultural conflict does happen between your hired coworkers though. It's mostly in banter so you have to take the time to get to it (like most of the best details in these games tbh) but again not rubbing our faces in it doesn't mean it wasn't in the game.

Not everyone is super devout to their religion in real life either; we are in the North of Thedas instead of the South. Dorian never seemed as religious as the others, either. In fact he thinks they're going to think he's influencing you in terrible ways Inquisitor. Tevinter has never sounded as religious as the South seems and the South is where we've been. (Exluding Kirkwall, but they are operating like the Southern Chantry so it's safe to lump them in with Southern Chantry Behaviors.) How do you expect the writers to shoehorn the Black Divine into the game? Like, where would it have been appropriate? What would the Black Divine have to do with the little people and back alley factions we're working with here outside the Mourn Watch? Tevinter has long established that their Chantry is basically a figurehead and that the Magisterium is the ones that have the real power and do all the actual "work". We don't have any devout Chantry employed people like we have in past games, either, for them to bring it up and talk about it. *EDITING TO ADD A CORRECTION* It's no longer kind of hinted by conversations and codex entries, The Viper/Ashur is the Black Divine. We literally met the Black Divine and didn't even know it because they don't advertise it. Makes sense cause like if that's common knowledge then he'd probably be assassinated. But this man literally looked at the Magisterium, realized it was failing the people, and started an organization with one he could trust after they were stripped of their title to take direct action. Why couldn't he just give orders and do that as the Divine? Because as Divine he doesn't have political power here. Like. It was right there. He is actively among the little people as himself because his political self as Divine was powerless.

How would you expect them to arbitrarily shove in and retread the exact same stuff for a fourth time? EA set them up for an impossible task, repeatedly hamstrung them and their team, and they still produced a good game.

It felt shallow to you but it also sounds like you barely scratched the surface and didn't really bother taking the time to thoroughly explore what the game offered because you were so offended it wasn't what you, personally, wanted out of it. Which is fine, just say it's a bad game. But absolutely flying past what the game does have while you insist it doesn't have those very things?

a really cool part about dragon age veilguard is the first scene where you meet bellara, especially if you're a shadowdragon mage and you have neve with you

so to set the scene: bellara, the dalish elf who's devoted her life to the conservation, discovery and protection of her people's lost and ancient history, meets two strangers, two tevinter mages, in sacred arlathan. They tell her, hey your gods are back in the world but also they suck and we gotta kill them, and instead of telling them "fuck off you vile enslaving shem, you defile this land with your presence" like most normal dalish, not only does she instantly believe them that her gods are bad for some reason, they're back among the people and need to be stopped, she also happily starts telling them all kinds of secrets and valuable knowledge about ancient elven magic and is even so kind to, without question, take them on a grand tour of this very historically important and sacred ruin in arlathan to find a truly priceless artifact, a one of a kind archive of ancient elven knowledge thought lost forever, because really, what could these unknown tevinter mages possible want with that!

...

are these writers smoking crack?? is that it? theyre smoking crack??

#fandom critical #veilguard spoilers

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luvismenu · 23 hours ago

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chap: 11 — don't wanna be too much ✎ ,, index

“so why do you wanna hang out with me?”

you glance up at the man sitting across from you, his raised brow suggesting curiosity rather than suspicion. he takes a sip of his coffee, waiting for your answer.

“huh?” you say, caught slightly off guard. “oh. well…” you trail off, scrambling for a reason that doesn’t sound too rehearsed. “you seemed cool to talk to.”

his brow furrows briefly before his expression shifts into something resembling surprise. “really?”

you nod, taking a sip of your coffee to avoid his gaze.

“didn’t you call me annoying in our first year?” he asks, his tone light, but his words make you freeze midsip.

the liquid burns your tongue, and you flinch, coughing slightly as you put your cup back on the table. “that was ages ago,” you say, trying to wave it off with a smile.

he leans back in his chair, one corner of his mouth lifting in amusement. “yeah?”

“you’re not annoying, jason,” you say quickly, your tone earnest as you meet his gaze.

his brows relax, and the surprise fades into something closer to amusement. “okay,” he says simply, his lips quirking up into a small smile.

he believes you.

thank fuck.

it’s not like you actually want to hang out with jason.

the day after jungkook ended things—well, not officially, but enough to leave you enraged—you decided to go find him. you thought maybe you’d apologize for overreacting. you didn’t want to admit it, but maybe you’d let your emotionls get the better of you.

you wanted to tell him that; you don't wanna be too much.

but as you made your way to his class, rehearsing what you might say, you saw her. a woman you’d never seen before, standing close to jungkook. too close.

your steps faltered, and your stomach twisted as you watched her lean into him, laughing at something he said. you couldn’t hear their conversation, but you didn’t need to. the way he smiled at her.

it told you everything.

anger bubbled up inside you, sharp and overwhelming. you wanted to walk up to her and pull her away from him, demand to know who she was and why she thought she could be that close to him.

but then you caught the way he looked at her, like she was the only person in the room, and that anger quickly turned to something else.

something heavier.

he’s moving on, you thought bitterly.

he’s really fucking moving on.

you knew you were a bad communicator. you’d accepted that a long time ago. but deep down, you thought—no, you hoped—that he’d wait. at least for a little while.

he didn’t.

it's okay.

it's fine. whatever.

if he could move on that fast, so could you.

and that’s how you ended up here, sitting across from jason, pretending to care about what he’s saying and convincing yourself that this will even the score.

jungkook is stressed.

why are you so against talking about what’s going on? he wonders, running a hand through his hair.

all he wanted was to clear the air, to talk about how things between you both don’t feel “casual” anymore. you’ve noticed it too. he knows you have. but every time he tries to bring it up, you shut him down, insisting everything’s fine.

it’s not fine.

it's not fine at all.

and now you’re walking around with some new guy?

who the fuck is he?

he's never seen this guy before and honestly, he wants to beat the shit out of him.

over the last few days, he’s seen you laughing and smiling with this stranger, and it burns him up inside. every time he’s tried to approach you, you’ve brushed him off, your indifference leaving him more frustrated than ever.

and so he decided;

if this is how it’s going to be, i am not backing down either.

that’s how he ended up here, walking into the café with mia by his side. truthfully, he doesn’t know her well. she approached him a few days ago for help with some classwork, and he didn’t think much of it. it wasn’t like him to turn people away; besides, it seemed harmless.

but now?

now it feels like the perfect opportunity to play along wih whatever game you’re starting.

“jungkook, can you get me something sweet to drink, like you?” mia’s voice is sugary as she leans closer, whispering the last two words on purpose.

jungkook forces a polite smile. mentally, he sighs.

this is too much, he thinks.

mia’s is not someone he would date, not even close. if things were normal between you and him, he wouldn’t have given this moment a second thought. but they aren’t normal, and he’s had enough of feeling like he’s the only one who cares.

if this makes you feel something and makes you want to talk to him, so be it.

just as he’s about to respond to mia, he catches sight of you in the corner of the café.

you’re with him.

that fucking guy with that stupid fucking grin.

you’re sitting there, coffee in hand, looking right at him.

his jaw tightens as your eyes meet, and for a brief moment, it feels like the rest of the room fades away.

then you glance at mia.

jungkook sees the subtle shift in your expression,, the slight frown, the way your lips press together, his eyes catching the way your fingers tighten slightly around your coffee cup, your jaw clenched as you stare. his chest tightens, but he raises a brow at you instead, daring you to react.

you roll your eyes, turning your attention back to your coffee.

he scoffs under his breath.

so stubborn.

“of course,” he says, turning back to mia with a bright, deliberate smile. “something sweet for someone sweet.”

mia giggles and nods, oblivious to the silent tension crackling between you and him across the room.

what the fuck is he doing?

is he seriously with that woman right now?

in the same room as you?

you can see him talking to her, leaning in slightly, his expression relaxed like he doesn’t have a care in the world. and the way she’s giggling at whatever he’s saying? it’s really irritating you.

your hand tightens around your coffee cup, and for a split second, you imagine marching over there and giving her a piece of your mind. or worse.

maybe that’s an overreaction.

maybe not.

but it’s exactly how you feel right now.

“is everything okay?” jason’s voice pulls you back to reality.

you blink, turning to look at him. his brows are furrowed slightly, concern etched into his features as he glances between you and the direction of jungkook and mia.

“yeah, yep, everything’s fine,” you say quickly, forcing a smile that you hope looks convincing.

“you sure?” he presses, his tone soft but skeptical.

you nod, taking a sip of your coffee even though it doesn’t do much to settle the storm inside you.

but when you glance back toward jungkook, you catch his eyes on you.

he’s watching.

you notice the way his jaw clenches, his fingers tapping lightly against the table as if he’s holding himself back. a small frown forms on his face, the kind that could almost be missed if you weren’t paying attention. but you are.

your pulse quickens, the tension in the air wrapping itself tightly around you. still, you refuse to look away.

instead, you smile.

just slightly, a curve of your lips that is meant to get under his skin and turn your attention back to jason.

“so, what were you saying about your project?” you ask, your tone deliberately light, pretending not to notice the way jungkook’s gaze burns into you.

jason raises a brow, clearly sensing the sudden shift in your focus but continues, “oh, right. i was saying it’s been tricky, but i think i’ve figured out a solution.”

you nod, leaning in just a bit closer to him, giving him your full attention, or at least the appearance of it.

from the corner of your eye, you see jungkook shift in his seat, his expression darkening as mia says something to him. he doesn’t respond right away, his gaze flickering back to you and jason.

good. let him stew in it.

you’r not even sure why you care so much, but the sight of him with her acting so casual had set something off inside you. and now, you weren’t about to let him have the upper hand.

jungkook sees you, sitting across from that guy, listening intently to whatever he’s saying, a soft smile playing on your lips. his jaw tightens, and his fist clenches slightly against the table.

he hates this.

hates how easily you seem to have moved on, hates how that guy can make you smile like that, as if nothing between you and jungkook had ever mattered.

are you really going to act this way instead of talking to me? he thinks.

“oh! is it all over my face?” mia’s voice pulls him back, her tone overly sweet as she gestures to the bit of cream on her lips.

jungkook glances at her, clearly unimpressed. she could easily wipe it off herself, but it’s obvious she wants him to do it.

he mentally rolls his eyes, annoyed by her theatrics, but then his gaze shifts, catching you glancing in his direction.

without thinking, he reaches out and wipes the cream from mia’s lip, forcing a small smile.

“there,” he says, his voice neutral.

mia giggles, looking at him through her lashes as if he’s just done the most romantic thing in the world. jungkook barely notices her reaction; his eyes are already flicking back to you.

he sees the way your expression hardens just slightly, your shoulders stiffening before you quickly turn back to the guy in front of you.

his chest tightens, and he has to fight the urge to get up, to pull you away and demand to know why this all feels so messed up.

instead, he stays where he is, his hand dropping back to his lap as he forces himself to focus on mia. but the irritation bubbling inside him doesn’t go away.

because right now, he doesn’t know what else to do. he’s tired of second guessing every glance, every word, every interaction. if seeing him with mia stirs something in you, then maybe it’ll push you to say what’s been left unsaid.

he steals another glance in your direction.

you're frowning.

good.

let it bother you.

because watching you with that guy; laughing at his jokes, leaning just a little too close, makes something ugly twist in his chest.

is this jealousy? he wonders.

are you feeling the same way he is?

he doesn't know. but if this is what it takes to finally make you break the silence, then fine. he’s willing to play along.

but the truth? the truth is that he’d drop this entire charade if you’d just look at him the way you used to. if you’d just talk to him, even for a moment, and stop pretending like everything between you two hasn’t changed.

he exhales sharply, forcing himself to focus on mia’s chatter as he heads to the counter. but his mind is elsewhere.

on you.

you're on his mind a lot.

it’s frustrating, really. no matter how much he tries to distract himself, whether it’s with mia’s empty conversations or the endless tasks piling up, his thoughts always circle back to you.

he wonders what you’re thinking right now. if you’re still smiling at whatever that guy said, if you’re still glancing his way when you think he’s not looking.

he wishes he was in your mind too, even just a little.

but the way you’ve been avoiding him, the way you seem so at ease with someone else, makes him doubt it.

and that doubt? it’s what drives him crazy.

on the other side, watching jungkook with that woman. watching him talk to her and make her laugh like that?

it drives you crazy.

a/n: wow 4 owiu updates this week, isn't that crazy? (i am sleep deprived) and also yay we're halfway through the series aaaaa!!! this chapter was a last minute thing lol i didn't wanna write but here we are (also, i am hoping to finish owiu asap hehe)

📜 series taglist: @deepikhaprakash @rjooniesdimples @wombatkitten127 @hoseokteardrop

📜 permanent taglist: @lovieku @deluluisdasolulu @ddanasjk @onlyforyoukook @diamondjeon @nnybtitts08 @lil0u0 @butnotmontana @fr0ggieth1nk @minimoninini @whoa-jo @lola75111 @iswearimover5feetall @rispwr @genevieveeeee @kookoo-kachoo @junecat18 @iheartchanelle

@kyuupii @https-mei @internetrando64 @jkvias @134340-kr @mar-lo-pap @fluttershypoo @elinaki92 @jungkookmyoneandonlybaby @winterbeartaehyungbestboy @jaykay-world @jmscaffeine @libra04 @beigerin @nikidream24 @svnbangtansworld @mimi1097

#jungkook x y/n #jeon jungkook #fanfic #bts jungkook #jungkook smau #bts fanfiction #bts social media au #bts fic #jungkook x you

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thefaithfulnightwriter · 3 days ago

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𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐊 ~ Chapter Two

Summary - 𝙄𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙘𝙝 Azriel's mate is banished to another world by Amarantha. To a world she never knew existed. To a different world called Zenithara. She finds herself being stuck in Zenithara for many years. And as more time passes it leads her to giving up hope to ever get back to her family, her mate. It changes her living in such a world. She never once felt safe in Zenithara. But one day when she is given a mask. She finds herself feeling safe and concealed from the world. It gave her a sense of strength and power. Which leads her to persevere in the new world she was in.

But what will happen when she finds herself being sent back to her old world Prythian, to her home in Velaris? What will happen when she is finally reunited with her family… her mate?

Pairing - Azriel x Female!Oc

Universe - A Court of Thorns and Roses

Warnings - Characters may be a bit OOC, Mature Themes, Gore, Death, Semi Smut, Violence, Language, Weapons, Mention of Past Abuse, Mention of War, Things Will Be Changed, Fluff, Angst, Some Sensitive Subjects, Mating Bonds, Scars, Experimentation, More Will Be Added If Needed.

Disclaimer - I do not own the series ACOTAR. I do own certain characters, and I own my mc. I do own somethings that are made up. I also got some inspiration from some movies and tv shows. So if you see anything familiar. But i own my writing and whatnot you get where im going and what i am saying lol.

Author's Note - i really hope you like this fic. i gotta say this fic is very challenging for me because of the world building around it and what not. but i do love it. i hope you guys do too. that is all i can think to say lol.

─── Zenithara ───

─── G.H.O.S.T Ship ───

Anna was now sitting on a carrier ship that was going back to Sky City. Her team, Alpha team who were mainly led by Evan, surrounded her. Very soft music was playing in the background. To try and keep everyone calm. But also not loud so everyone could stay alert.

But the main thing she heard was soft talking between teammates and clicking of weapons. All were making sure their weapons were charged and loaded. Making sure they were all in the right holsters and secured.

Even after the team successfully retained the load of many innocent people that were kidnapped from Sector One, and were on their way to the Arena. The Arena now resorting to kidnapping people for the Killer games. Being that they were losing people from the Abyss. Well more so the Arena. Being that the justice system was moving and placing criminals elsewhere. Not wanting the Arena or Killer games to continue. Which led G.H.O.S.T. to have to step in and save the people they can.

Right now though Anna’s team was still on guard. Because the mission wasn't over just yet. They still needed to get these people safely back to Sky City. So they could get checked more thoroughly for injuries, and so they could give the justice system their statements on what happened to them.

The people they had saved were currently in med bay. People from Beta team trying to keep them calm, and helping them with any injuries they could. Along with the team mates who had been injured during the mission.

At the moment Anna was observing her surroundings with her now glowing gold eyes. Now being able to see clearly without her glasses, as she used one of her abilities. Her ability of enhanced eyesight. Which when she used such eyesight her eyes always glowed a golden color.

Right now she was watching everything around her on the ship. From behind her mainly golden, black, porcelain colored mask. That covered her whole face. The only thing that could be seen were her eyes. Other than that you couldn't see her face, nothing. Only her eyes.

In Anna's eyes it was a beautiful mask. It was gifted to her by Katrina many years ago when she was still in the Arena. A mask that was very precious to Anna. A mask that she took care of and kept in immaculate shape.

The top had golden and black intricate patterns that flared up slightly at the crown of her head. With amber and golden jewels that dangled on the side. Then at the middle of her head of the mask was an amber jewel.

The golden and black detailed patterns that went from the top of her head then curved under her eyes and over her nose. Around her eyes were black, the only thing that was seen were her eyes. The lower half of her face was covered by porcelain with a pair of golden lips painted on it.

Then around her neck was covered by black cover that had a few golden chains. It held up the mask and some mechanics that were connected to her mask. Her being the only one who knew how to use it. Knowing all the ins and outs of the mask. Having it for many years now.

The mask was one of Anna's prize possessions. Having her mask on was also one of the things she used to cope with everything. Her mask gave her a sense of safety and power. It concealed her from the world. Giving her the strength to persevere in Zenithara.

But most of all it kept her hidden. It hid who she was, hid her scars, her emotions, it hid Anna.

Which was something she loved. She loved to stay hidden. Anna seemed to love it so much that she wore her mask whenever she was around people. The only time she had it off was around Evan and his father. But sometimes it was still hard for her to take it off. The two though knew how to coax it off her and make her feel safe. They were the only two who could.

Though when Anna was alone. Mainly in one of her homes in the three Sectors or her own room, that was the only time she had the mask off. Not feeling safe but somewhat comfortable. It was when she swapped her mask for her glasses. Letting her eyes settle to their normal dark brown. But that rarely happened.

She was accustomed to having her golden gleaming eyes on display. She was accustomed to seeing everything in a more intense and enhanced way.

Though she had her glasses it couldn't compare to having her enhanced sight. And without either she was just blind. Only being able to see a meter in front of her. Which she didn’t like. It made her feel vulnerable, and she couldn’t stand that feeling. That was why she used her enhanced sight so much, most of the time.

But also with that she always has an ear out for anything as well. Having trained her hearing just as much as her eyesight. So, if anything happened she would be prepared in any way. It wasn't really hard with her being a high fae.

Though at one point her pointed ears caused her trouble while in the Arena. Doctors became more curious than ever over her, and wanted to experiment on her when they found her in the Arena. More than any other subject they had. They wanted to find out everything about her, and enhance everything. One of the things it led to was having a piece of her ears cut off. Leaving on the outer shell of her pointed ear to have a crescent type shape cut out.

Even after that inncident she stayed strong, it was hard but she kept going. It didn't deter her. But it did lead to her wanting to train her hearing to be sharper. Just as sharp as her heightened eyesight, when her eyes were glowing. So she could rely on her hearing if anything. Having done such a thing though caused her to have an advantage. With her eyesight and hearing. But also caused her to see and hear the world in a different way.

Just like now. Looking around once again she took everything in. The walls of the ship, the bags, the weapons, and the people talking and whispering. Who were her teammates. There were many who she noticed and recognized but few she didn't.

It caused her to sigh and lean further back into her seat. As she stayed to herself. She didn't want to interact nor be near anyone. Anna just wanted to get this mission over with and help where she could. Then go home. Maybe have a drink then escape into her art work.

When she wasn't on missions she was working on her art. It was another thing she used to cope. Through her art she brought Prythian her old world to Zenithara. She had walls upon walls covered with paintings of her old world, her old life. They were in all three of her houses.

Her favorite house was in Sector Two, Middle ground. She had dedicated the house to everything Night Court, or Velaris. Middle Ground gave her the most inspiration. Reminding her the most of her home Velaris somewhat.

In her house that was in Middle Ground there were murals all over. They were mainly paintings of places in Velaris. Like the mountains that surrounded Velaris, the stars, the House of Wind, the Rainbow, Rita's, and more. But there were also paintings of her family. One wall was dedicated to them. Cassian, Rhysand, Amren, and Morrigan.

Then there was a wall dedicated to one more person, a male. A male that she missed so much. That had a piece of her heart. A piece of her soul. A piece of her that she would never get back. He was someone she desperately wanted to not forget. He was someone so important to her. He was her mate... Azriel.

Over time, over the past fifty something years Anna has forgotten some of her old life, her old world. That was one of the reasons she drew and painted so much, it was so she wouldn't forget. Anna wouldn't say she had the most excellent memory. But she could remember some things. But the one thing or person she remembered the most about was Azriel.

Though there were things she had forgotten like his voice, his scent, the way his touch felt. It caused Anna to cry for days when she realized she had forgotten such things. But the things she could remember out weighted the things she couldn't. She believed it was because she drew him so many times over the years. It was so she could remember and keep the memories alive. To keep his memory alive and with her.

She could mostly remember what he looked like. Things like his tan skin that seemed to glow under the sun. His beautiful large strong black wings upon his back that he would use to fly. His clever shadows that wisped around him. His ebony hair that fell over his eyes. And his eyes.

His beautiful hazel eyes that could show nothing one moment, then another moment be filled with such raw emotions. He could take her breath away with one look. Anna missed those looks. She missed his intense hazel eyes on her. Anna missed Azriel so much. At times she found herself missing him the most.

A sad sigh escaped her lips. As her head and shoulders fell and her eyes closed. As she remembered Azriel. It took everything in Anna to not let her tears fall. To not let her emotions go everywhere and let her powers out. Being they were connected to her emotions.

It took a lot out of Anna this time to steel herself. And Anna noticed it. She noticed that it was becoming harder for her to keep doing such a thing. Because lately Anna... she was tired.

Anna was tired of hiding. She was tired of fighting. She was tired of losing people. She was tired of feeling lost. She was tired of this world. She was tired of it all. But Anna knew she had to keep going. Because she knew that many people would want her to keep going. Azriel, her old family in Prythian, Katrina, Eva, her nephews. Anna knew she had to stay strong.

Anna though didn't know how long she could go on. Because when it came down to it she was exhausted, lost, and alone. Yes, there were parts of Zenithara that were beautiful. And Anna may have or not seen them all. But if she was being honest with herself Anna just didn't care for Zenithara. Not as much as she cares for Prythian. Because even with more than half a century passing with her in this world Zenithara, she still felt so lost, and alone.

Even with Evan and his father. Anna loved her nephews very much and they helped her. But there was only so much they could do. They had their own lives, and unfortunately they would never understand her. Not what she has been through. Not what she is or who she was. No one would understand. But she still loved them for helping her.

Anna was soon shaken from such thoughts when she heard Evan. Catching her attention. She was soon looking at him with her golden eyes. She found him kneeling in front of where she was sitting. His crystal eyes were on her and filled with worry. As he gently placed his fingerless gloved cover hands over hers. He was quick to hold them when she didn't pull away from him.

"Hey. Are you okay?" Evan whispered softly to her. So only she could hear what he was saying. Knowing she could hear him. He didn't want to draw any attention to them. Knowing Anna didn't like the attention on her. He also didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. So he took to speaking low to her, and tried to keep her attention on him.

All Anna could do was take a deep breath and nod slightly. As she looked away from him. She didn't want to tell him her thoughts or problems. She didn't want to push her problems onto him. Nor did she want to burden him with her issues.

"I find that hard to believe. You know you can talk to me right Auntie Goldie?" Evan sighed sadly. Hearing him caused Anna to nod her head again. Which led him to send her a small smile. He wanted her to talk to him but didn't want to push her. So, he did what he and his father do all the time. Let her know they were there for her no matter what.

"Remember I'm always here for you Aunt Anna. No matter what you've got me. And you got dad too. I know it's hard and I don't know what you're going through. Just know you are not alone," he tried to soothe her. She was soon nodding her head as a sigh was heard from her. She then gently leant forward placing her head against his. She really appreciated Evan. He was so optimistic, kind, and caring. It made her smile. But her smile widened behind her mask even more hearing what he said next.

"After this mission, why don't I call up dad and all three of us can head to Middle Ground. We can meet at your place cause I know it's your favorite. Then you can tell us some stories or we can watch some movies or something. Have family time together. Just the three of us," Evan planned. He was soon chuckling with a wide smile. As he watched Anna nod quickly. She had leaned back and clapped her hands together gently to show him her excitement.

He knew that she was smiling by the look in her glowing eyes. That he's learned to read since he was young. He was happy to see she was excited for the plan, also happy he was able to lift her mood a bit. Nodding his head he agreed. Standing up he still had a hold of her gloved covered hand. He was then pulling her to help her get up from the seat.

"Alright it's a plan. I'll call -," Evan started. But he was abruptly cut off. Because soon he and Anna were falling back into the seats. Being jostled by the carrier ship shaking. It was as if something had hit the ship.

Which led everyone to be on guard and alert. Making themselves prepared for anything. Knowing it could be an attack. Evan was quick to grab the radio on his shoulder. Demanding the pilot to tell him what was going on. Asking if the ship was hit or if there was an attack.

"No attack. It seems we have been hit by something, sir. But umm... there is something we think you should see. We're not sure what it is," The co-pilot stammered unsure and seemed to be a little scared. A sigh escaped Evan before he answered.

"Okay I'm on my way."

"Everyone calm down for now but be on alert. You coming Goldie?" Evan ordered the team. Which he received a nod from many. He was then turning to ask Anna. She was quick to nod and followed him to the cockpit.

After a few minutes of walking they were in the control area. The pilot and co-pilot seemed to be whispering to each other. While one was pointing outside the window in front of them. It seemed they had stopped the carrier, keeping it hovering in place. Looking at each other Anna and Evan shrugged.

"What are you pointing at? And why have we stopped? We're still on a mission. We have to get these people back to Sector One," Evan questioned the two with a sigh. As he rubbed his face and crossed his arms.

He was starting to get frustrated because he wanted to get this mission done with. But he soon stopped when Anna placed a hand on his arm. Turning to her he was met with her golden eyes that were wide behind her mask. She was quick to point as she looked forward.

Evan was quick to turn to see what she was looking at. All he saw was a bright light in the distance. It looked like a ball of light or an orb. He was then stepping forward with Anna. Both trying to get a closer look. More so Evan. The orb was just hovering there in the middle of the sky in front of the ship. It was as if it were waiting for something.

"We don't know what it is or what to do. The reading signature from it is off the scale and unknown. And it seems every time we try to move it follows. The jostling you felt was us trying to move away from it. But it hit the ship. Then it started moving around us as if to observe us, to us it's like it's looking for something. We honestly don't know what to do," the pilot explained to Evan, not taking his eyes off the light.

"Do you think it's something from the Arena?" Evan asked the two. As he leaned forward on the pilot seats. Trying to observe the orb of light. Anna was in a state of wonder as she looked at the orb. So much so she tilted her head in confusion.

"Like I said sir we don't know what it is. The signature and energy coming off of it is off the scale and unknown. We tried to quickly go through the database, but still can't find a match. We wanted to know what you think we should do. Because it seems we can't move without it following or attacking. And I don't think you want that thing following us to our hidden headquarters. Nor attacking us," the pilot answered. Looking to Evan and Anna for the first time now.

"Shit," Evan whispered angrily. As he threw his head back and closed his eyes thinking on what to do. Nothing like this has ever happened before. So he was clueless on what to do. He was beginning to get a headache with how much he was thinking. Between this and the mission he was getting tired. He just wanted to get the mission over and have his family day with his father and Aunt.

But his thoughts were shaken. When he felt a small gloved hand grip his arm and pull him. Opening his eyes Evan looked to see it was Anna and was quick to follow her. After telling the pilots to keep him posted which they agreed to do. Anna was then pulling him just outside the room so they could talk.

"Let me take a look at it Evan," Anna reasoned with him with her soft voice. She could see that Evan was starting to get slightly overwhelmed. So she wanted to help him. Take some of the weight of his shoulders. Anna knew she was the only one who could get close enough to take a look at the orb of light. She also knew they needed to get past it and fast. So they could finish this mission and get the people who were kidnapped back home. She was pretty much the only one who could try to get this thing out of the way.

But hearing her Evan was quick to shake his head and disagree with her plan. He didn't want to put her in such danger. Not when they didn't know what it was, and never dealt with something like this before. He didn't want to send her in blind. He didn't want to lose his Aunt. The only real maternal figure in his life now. Evan was about to speak. But was stopped by Anna raising her hand gesturing to him to stay quiet. Which led Evan to sigh and stay quiet as he looked into her golden eyes.

"I only say this because I am the only one who can get close enough to it. And I can do it quickly. We are still on a mission Evan. We need to get these people back quickly. You know the longer we wait and sit here like sitting ducks isn't good. We are losing time. And the chance of someone from the Arena finding us is getting higher. So let me go and take a look at this thing. Let me see what I can do," Anna explained to him softly. It shocked Evan to hear her say so much in one sitting. But he shook the shock away.

Knowing now wasn't the time to think too much about such a thing. Taking in what Anna said Evan grunted in frustration. Because he knew she was right. He was then quick to look at the watch on his wrist. It caused Evan to curse under his breath because of the time. Time seemed to not be on their side right now.

Turning his gaze on Anna he looked into her shining eyes. Trying to see if he could read her. Trying to see if he could see any emotions. Anna's mask hid her very well. It hid all of her… but her eyes. Even then it was hard to read her still because she could hide her emotions so well. It was more so hard to read her when around people. Though when it was just them or her with his father she showed them her emotions. Showed them her emotions mainly through her eyes.

Other than that there was nothing else that she really did. As the years went on she talked less, and reached out less and less to them. Which worried him and his father a lot as of lately. But right now he looked into her gleaming eyes. He could see she was tired which worried him. Because it was a look that he sees more and more of over the time he’s spent with her. But he also could see a look of determination in her eyes right now.

It caused Evan to clench his jaw. Because he knew she was the only one who could do this. Looking at his watch again he growled slightly in frustration. He was then running his hands through his wavy hair and over his face. Before nodding at her. Agreeing with her plan. Looking at her with concern.

"Okay. You go out there and do what you can as quickly as you can. As you said we are still on a mission. You need to be as quick as possible. I'll make sure we keep an eye on you the whole time. If you want to you can talk to me while out there whenever. And if you need to get out of there, you get out of there. I mean it. We'll find another way if anything," Evan cautioned. Hearing his speech caused Anna to smile behind her mask. But she nodded nonetheless. To let him know she agreed and to ease his worries.

"Have some faith in your Aunt Goldie. I am around a hundred years old. I got some wisdom in me. And let's not forget I've been doing this longer than you," Anna joked as she pointed at him. Evan chuckled at her before opening his arms. Inviting her into a hug. Smiling behind her mask Anna giggled and walked forward into his arms. Throwing her soft arms around his waist.

He was quick to wrap his arms around her shoulders. Not wanting to let her go. Sighing Evan was scared for his Aunt. The one he was closest to. The one who has been there for him all his life. He was filled with fear for her because he didn't want to lose her.

But he knew that she was strong and smart. So he pulled away, letting her go. Having some faith in her. Looking down at her, he smiled with a nod. Kissing her masked cover head quickly before she could push him away. It caused Anna to giggle while Evan chuckled. Both of them were soon shaking their heads at each other.

Before Evan patted her arm and gestured for her to follow him quickly. Anna nodded and rushed to follow behind him. Both knew they needed to be quick. After a moment she realized he was leading her to a weapons vault room. More specifically hers and his that they shared.

Soon Anna was grabbing a few gadgets. Her hologram watch, an extra radio, a locator. Then grabbing the two golden guns that Evan held out for her. After making sure they were loaded and giving her extra clips. She rolled her eyes at him and shook her head. Seeing her Evan was quick to voice his worries.

"Hey there's nothing wrong with extra protection. Especially when your goin' in blind. I know you have your powers, magic, or whatever. But just take them to give me peace of mind. Please," Evan pleaded with her. Sighing Anna nodded and placed them in the holsters on her thighs. She never really liked guns or anything of that sort. She preferred her non mechanical weapons. But more so preferred her weapons that were made specifically for her.

Which were her short sword that was strapped to her back. Then her two daggers that were tucked into her long black boots. Then her lasso at her side. Then her knives that were hidden all over her. They were all specially made for only her and her powers.

So she could use the weapons as a conduit for her magic at times. The weapons could absorb small amounts of her magic’s essences. It made her weapons glow with heat depending on how much magic she stored in said weapon. They could burn through pretty much anything depending on how much magic was stored in them. It was another form of weapon she could use.

After Anna was done collecting her weapons with Evan's help. She was soon guided to the rear of the ship by Evan. Where the Alpha team was. They were looking at Evan and Anna with confusion.

"We've seem to have run into a problem. Gold here is gonna go out and take a look at it. We're going to be on stand by so if anything happens. Remember we are still on a mission. So, be ready for anything. Anything can still happen. While she is out we'll be keeping an eye on her from the monitors," Evan explained to them.

Going over what is happening with them. As he took out a small touch pad and pressed a few buttons on the screen. He swiped the screen and a large hologram monitor soon appeared on the wall. Showing the team what was outside in front of the ship blocking their way still. Many were shocked at the orb. Causing them to ask questions. Which led Evan to answer what he could.

"Alright that's it with the questions for now we're wasting time. We need to get this over with okay. Goldie, remember what I said. Take a look, do what you can, but if you need to get out of there. Get out," Evan declared. Leading the team to quiet down. He then turned to Anna.

Who nodded at his request. As she walked past everyone to get to the back opening. Waiting for the hatch to open. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath. Composing herself to fly, and preparing herself for anything. Evan sighed as he walked to the side of the opening reaching for the latch. Looking at her for a moment making sure she was ready.

"You ready?" Evan asked her. Opening her eyes Anna took another deep breath, nodded, and gave him a thumbs up. Seeing her make the gesture he sent her a nod.

"Alright be careful Aunt Anna. Remember we got our family night coming up," Evan reminded her with a smile. Anna giggled and nodded. Before pointing at the latch. Evan was hesitant but reluctantly pulled it. Opening the back of the ship, making wind blow and whip around them.

Looking at Evan one last time she sent him a small salute. Then before he could say anything else she ran forward and jumped out of the back of the ship. The last thing she heard was the team laugh. As Evan cursed at her for scaring him.

A laugh escaped her as she fell from the ship. But soon she found herself closing her eyes. Anna allowed herself to fall and feel the wind rush past her. Feeling the wind against her skin. She could feel the rush and sensation of falling. And enjoyed the feeling. Letting herself feel free. She wishes she could stay like this for a while longer. But Anna knew she had a task.

So sighing she opened her shining eyes. Feeling the power she had within. Soon a luminescent gold light appeared at her chest. As the light appeared so did the warmth. Feeling it Anna smiled and allowed the feeling to grow and wash over her.

Allowing her powers to engulf her whole. And soon a gold shimmering light surrounded Anna. She then stopped falling and was hovering in the vast sky. With a gold light shimmering around her, that was her magic. Wrapped around her like a blanket. Keeping her safe and in the air.

Looking around she saw the lights of the city above and below. Noting they would be going off soon because of the time. Then she found the carrier ship above her. She needed to get to the front of the ship, and check out this orb of light. Then try to move it. Nodding to herself she then willed her powers to carry her forward.

She smiled behind her mask as she flew through the sky. Loving the feeling of soaring through the air. With her task in mind she was quick to reach her destination. Which was the front of the ship. Looking over her shoulder at the front windows of the ship. She could see the pilots, a few of her teammates, and Evan. She shook her head and waved. Before turning and making her way towards the orb of light. She was growing closer and closer to the light.

Before she stopped abruptly. Her smile falling from her lips as a frown washed over her. The feeling it was giving off. It was a familiar magic. It was a magic she hasn't felt in such a long time from anywhere but herself. Even then her own magic seemed tainted. But this sort of power or magic was pure. And it was from her old life, from her old world Prythian.

"You okay Goldie?"

Anna heard Evan through her speaker ask. Quickly reaching for the comms on her mask. She was about to answer him and explain what was happening. When suddenly the air shifted around her. She then watched as the orb of light moved closer to her. She was quick to glide and move back but it kept coming closer to her. Anna had no clue what to do.

She kept slowly moving back more. Trying to keep a distance from the orb of light. That is until she heard it. A loud noise similar to the snapping of a whip and thunder. A noise that haunted her dreams. It was the same noise she heard when she was pushed into that portal by Amarantha. It caused her to stiffen in a state of fear. But the difference now was this time she was hearing it more than once.

She was quick to cover her ears. Feeling overwhelmed by the noises. All she could hear was the whipping noise mixed with loud thunder and Evan on the comms. She was quick to ignore them and pull herself together. And was soon trying to fly away as fast as she could. Anna only got so far when she felt the wind pick up around her. She could feel the magic that was controlling the wind. She felt the force of it against her powers. It caused a scream to escape her as she tried to keep a hold on her powers. As the wind pushed her closer and closer to the orb.

Tears began to fall from Anna's eyes as she tried to fight against the force. Anna didn't know how to feel. She knew that this may be her way home. And a part of her was hoping for it. But then another part of her was scared and filled with fear. What if this was just another portal to another world she didn't know? What if someone or even Amarantha was just playing with her and was sending her to another world?

It has been too long for this portal to just come out of nowhere and send her back to Prythian. It seemed too easy. Which meant it was most likely to send her to another world. That was the only thing that was coming to her mind.

It was what caused her to fight against the current. But it was no use, it was too much. Anna cried because there was nothing she could do to keep from going into the portal. And Anna knew that she needed to stop fighting so she could preserve her magic. So she wasn't defenseless in the next world.

Looking at the ship one last time. Anna could see her team rushing around through the windows. Seeming to try and find a way to get to her. They were all somewhat a blur to her. But the one she could see clearly was Evan yelling. More tears fell thinking of him. Evan and his father were going to be the only ones she was going to miss from this world. The only ones who she hasn't lost. In that moment she focused on Evan's voice that was coming through the comms. She could hear him yelling frantically through the comms. But the last thing she heard was his cry for her.

"Aunt Annamarie."

#acotar x oc #acotar fanfiction #acotar x reader #azriel x reader #thefaithfulnightwriter #azriel x oc #azriel fanfiction #azriel fanfic

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mean-scarlet-deceiver · 3 days ago

Text

Gordon and Edward, Part 2

Hello and welcome back to "Jobey ruins beloved RWS characters for you, using the power of... the actual RWS text!" 😇

Part 1: Gordon, what's your damage? 😭 / The Doylist Reason / Rent. Free.

Post 2 (this post): Edward's Defences / Gordon's Growth

Post 3 (upcoming post, link later): Collision / Uh… Cleanup Crew?

Edward's Defences

Pretty consistently, through the next 45 years, Edward (most conflict-avoidant engine ever built?) takes a four-pronged approach to dealing with Gordon and the threat he represents:

He keeps Gordon at a distance. He focuses on building connections with… Literally Everyone Else. Gordon is kept more than a good buffer's length away (and when they must be in close proximity things do tend to go south in a hurry).

He tries to never give Gordon a reaction, or any other ammo. Will not admit weakness or discomfort or upset. Difficult, because he has a transparent face when he's sad! And he's comfortable confiding in others! But he'll never, willingly, let Gordon see him bleed.

Instead he treats Gordon very lightly. Adopts a sort of affectionate knowingness, which allows him to "laugh off" Gordon's more irritating or threatening qualities.

He takes control of the narrative. He doesn't shy from telling humans the engines' business. He spreads stories (I'm not saying false stories) that counter Gordon's branding of himself as supreme and infallible. He also builds his own brand as reliable and sensible.

Where do I get all this from? The text:

"I've got some trucks to take home tomorrow," he told him. "If you take them instead, I'll push coaches in the Yard." (~1925)

We're less than one full book away from "now all three engines are great friends" and Edward is already shedded somewhere else, baby. That move was likely integral to developing those two new friendships with Henry and especially with Gordon… ironic but true. Hey, we know that the big engines seem to have only learned to appreciate Thomas after he left, too! And, of course, it gives Edward some space from all of the *waves hand vaguely* at the Big Shed. He doesn't like conflict (and Gordon is a conflict-generating machine).

They both rested at the next station; Edward told James how Gordon had stuck on the hill, and he had had to push him up! (1925)

Bro. Bro bro bro bro bro. I am pointing urgently.

This bit is so telling. It's been two years since the events of EDO/E&G and Edward is already seen defining Gordon's whole brand as we now know it to newcomers.

If it wasn't for that moment, I wouldn't insist with nearly as much confidence what I think then comes into focus as a clear fact: The early RWS itself is all evidence that Edward is winning the propaganda war, lol. Gordon's opinion of himself is a silly, endearing, limited point of view. Edward's opinion of himself is canon, bitches!

Incredible stuff.

This scene is a glimpse into the tactics that allowed Edward to eventually win this game (poor Gordon has no idea they're playing). Here he is laying the groundwork a good 20 years before the books about them were even published! And this is a good place to remind readers that, unlike in TVS where they make Gordon's hill problem a recurring gag, we only see Gordon stalling out there and requiring a banker's help once. In Christopher Awdry's Gordon the High Speed Engine, he also specifies that Gordon (who is about to have trouble on the hill again, in the 1980s) stuck before on this hill. "[O]nce." Once.

This is not a habit of his. It was a one-off thing. It's only remembered at all because his superior attitude and his ignorance of the words "thank you" offended Edward so deeply that he kept the memory of this event alive for over 20 years, until the Thin Clergyman got the story in print.

It's a bit messed up.

It's more than a bit petty.

It's so bloody funny.

No, I don't think Edward is some consciously evil Machiavellian genius. He's neither vindictive nor that far-sighted. But he's resilient, and creative enough to instinctively change the rules of the game when otherwise they'd grind him into rust. And there is his characteristic kindness mixed up in all of this, too: He needs to find a way to welcome Gordon's presence in his life, so he finds a narrative that makes Gordon funny and lovable instead of a threat. He sees James is insecure, so he tells that story at least partly from real solidarity and empathy. It's not like he's trashing Gordon, either – there is no lie told, and James is not put off trying to "motor-mouth" his way into Gordon's good graces. I'd characterize it, not as trashing Gordon, more… injecting an element of realism into his growing legend ;) We see in the same book that Gordon is continuing in his superior attitude (which involves putting others down, even if it's a bit more indirectly than he did two books earlier) and that his attitude depresses and dejects newcomers like James. There is good, civic-minded reason to slyly undermine Gordon's branding of himself as all-powerful and invincible – it's not good for the railway as a whole if Gordon is allowed to lord over them all on his throne unchecked, the new engines forever overawed. It is kind of Edward to welcome James and give him a boost, it's genuinely useful for everyone that in the end James triumphs to seize the role of a darkhorse rival junior but trusted colleague of Gordon's.

At the same time, while it's all justifiable and even beneficial, this action is also very useful in cementing Edward's own position. Let's just be clear-eyed about this.

"Shall I help you, James?" called Edward. / "No, thank you," answered James, "I'll pull them myself." / "Good, don't let them beat you." (1925-6)

Edward and James show a perfect understanding of each other in this moment – different though they may be, Don't let them beat you is a shared value. (Shared by a lot of engines, of course; probably a steam engine culture thing. Douglas says something similar in RWS after accidentally destroying the spiteful brakevan.) It applies here to trucks, but no doubt that's a value that motivates them in other areas, too.

It's just worth remembering this, when it comes to Edward's stance re: Gordon. He's more subtle about it than James is. He sort of has to be (he cannot directly compete with Gordon, as James can). But he's still determined to not be beaten.

Errr, but then Gordon triggers a chain of events that Edward could have never conceived of. The Fat Controller sends him to Tidmouth, Edward goes in with no idea what he's facing, and wham. We have the first of the two really severe strains on this relationship:

Gordon came clanking past, hissing rudely[...] / "They all hiss me, Sir," answered Edward sadly. "They say 'Tender Engines don't shunt', and last night they said I had black wheels. I haven't, have I, Sir?" (~1927)

Two things to note here. This clash doesn't only represent Gordon's and Edward's differing views on what is proper to the dignity of an engine and what he owes to his railway. That's all The Author can see of it, of course… The Author being a human, and thus with a vested structural interest in vindicating Edward's point of view on this matter — and in mocking Gordon's view to scorn. This is why, so far as the book is concerned, Gordon and his two big-engine followers don't have a wheel to run on here. The Gordon position is portrayed as thoroughly unreasonable (even if, despite the narrative's best efforts, the text must admit that the Fat Controller does actually have to get a new tank engine – which was Gordon's demand all along!)

Because of The Author's interest, there's no chance of any acknowledgment that the other tender engines' anger might have the slightest validity to it. However I think we are seeing another, parallel clash going down here:

Gordon naturally sees friendship as, well, as an Alliance. My friends are your friends and your enemies are my enemies. United we stand, together we fall. The problem is that while Edward is mild-mannered he's not a follower, like Henry and James – he has his own mind and he's not about to substitute Gordon's convictions for his own. Edward's idea of friendship is mutual sympathy and support. Emphasis here on mutual, because you just know that young Gordon was quite prepared to receive support (as his due!) but had trouble returning it. That's something Edward considers a serious insult… whereas his own idea of friendship simply has nothing to do with "how dare you cut the branch out from under me when I'm risking my tender leading collective action against management!" To Gordon that's a real betrayal. I suspect when Edward undercut his strike Gordon was genuinely hurt and felt a real righteous indignation – one that is never expressed in canon because to the Author there's nothing even slightly valid in Gordon's hurt. But canon (the Author, the railway, the whole institution of human society that made and employs these guys) does validate Edward's position that boasting and one-upmanship are hurtful, itself a sort of betrayal – which is a big problem, since for Gordon they're alarmingly close to a damn love language.

This is a position on which I feel no need to take sides. I know the Author's position. I think they just have irreconcilable values and that Gordon's values, while I don't share them, aren't just shit, either. I don't condone all his behavior here but I do think his idea of friendship is consistent over the course of the Wilbert books and that he would feel genuinely betrayed here. And if you've been betrayed then it makes sense that you are hurt and angry.

What a mess.

"Tender Engines do shunt, but all the same, you'd be happier in your own Yard." (~1927)

Guys, I'm telling ya, the Fat Controller knew what he was doing when he separated Edward from the other "great friends" after the events of TTRE. He knows. Letting Edward have distance from Gordon is policy. Pre-existing policy. Drafting Edward to Tidmouth was a last-ditch effort to avoid buying a tank engine but TFC is unsurprised when it takes less than one (1) day of proximity for Edward's "laugh 'im off" strategy to fail. Proximity causes the fragile Edward and Gordon relationship to collapse immediately – which inevitably means that it's Edward who gets hurt – and so Hatt is resigned to his new expenditure. Off to the engine orphanage.

After Percy is brought in, Gordon et. al. are suitably punished, and equilibrium is restored, there is again a long period of relative peace between 2 and 4. And it's not because Gordon has lost his capability to be an asshat to others (see "Gordon's Whistle" and "Off the Rails" and "Duck Takes Charge" and – etc.) But Edward's defences are restored and he continues to reinforce them. Again in safety at his own station, he regains his ability to laugh knowingly and to gather intel for the oppo file:

“It sounds like Gordon,” said Edward, “and it ought to be Gordon, but Gordon never whistles like that.” / It was Gordon. / … / He screamed through the station and disappeared. / “Well!!!” said Edward, looking at Henry. / “It isn’t wrong,” chuckled Henry, “but we just don’t do it,” and he told Edward what Gordon had said. (1935-6)

After Henry's rebuild, there is a long "dark" period – end of Depression (including Gordon's rebuild) and WWII. During the course of the war the Thin Clergyman begins (and ends) his stint as publicity director for the NWR, and in 1945 TTRE is published. I reckon the focus on Edward, Henry, and Gordon reflects that this was a high-water mark in their friendship. The qualities and values that these three actually do have in common – duty, loyalty, determination – would have been at the forefront for those years. They would have faced a lot of very difficult days together, and together they got through them. The bond might have been heightened because frankly this is the sort of circumstance I can see them at their very best but the opposite being true for James, so there might have beena bit of "the old band getting back together" and re-bonding. In particular I can see Edward and Gordon during the war years learning to better appreciate the other's strengths. In 1945 you can easily imagine 'the three railway engines' looking ahead to a happy new era and genuinely believing that all their petty squabbles are in the past, they will never have problems between them again.

Lmao.

Well actually, of course, life goes on. By 1952 Gordon in particular is achieving brand-new levels of asshattery in the lead up to his ditch tourism. However, the interactions between him and Edward this year support my guess that this was a period of detente:

“I won’t go, I won’t go,” grumbled Gordon. / “Don’t be silly, don’t be silly,” puffed Edward. (1952)

This is their most obvious "tug-of-war" moment ever, but actually the stakes here are soooooo low lol. To me this is one of their cosiest and most comfortable interactions, actually. This is a rare case where they don't sound like stuffy, old-school, vaguely-to-explicitly dysfunctional colleagues. They just sound like siblings. For once they're being fairly frank with each other.

Wait… what's this... for twice?

1952 was a banner year for them, guys!

The engines in the Shed were excited and wondered who would pull the Royal Train. "I'm too old to pull important trains," said Edward sadly. / "I'm in disgrace," Gordon said gloomily. "The Fat Controller would never choose me." (1952)

This is a remarkable moment in this dynamic. It's the only time Edward ever admits vulnerability in front of Gordon. Fascinating.

I think it's extremely relevant here that Gordon has been in dire disgrace for what appears to be at least two months by this point. His status (though soon to be restored!) is currently nuked. Gordon's been in a very amiable frame of mind towards everyone. He has never been less of a threat.

It's also extremely probable that, even if this book was published first, this scene almost certainly takes place after EtBE. So earlier this same year where Gordon hits his lowest-ever status, Edward has hit his highest since Gordon arrived – the Fat Controller has overhauled him and Edward returned to an enthusiastic hero's welcome from the other engines. Everybody's drinking their respect Edward juice just then.

So this is a very brief period where Edward does not seem to feel any need to keep a wall up around Gordon – nor the others.

Now, with James and especially Henry, perhaps that wall never goes up again. But with Gordon, well. Let's just enjoy the moment. Presumably the whole royal visit prolonged this high point in their relationship even a bit longer. But it won't last.

When Gordon and Henry heard about the accident, they laughed and laughed. "Fancy allowing cows to break his train! They wouldn't dare do that to us. We'd show them!" they boasted. / Edward pretended not to mind[.] (1952)

Backtracking to earlier the same year. Gordon's acting an ass here – but not like the asshole of the tender engines' strike affair. We're back, not to insults, but to mere boasting. But... reminder that while Edward probably feels an insult keenly (he feels everything else keenly; why not this?), it's boasting that really seems to get under his paint.

I cannot overemphasize the line He pretended not to mind.

Edward is not a pokerfaced engine! This is not natural behavior for him! He's the "why are you sad?" "hullo Edward, you look upset" "Where is Thomas??? peepipeeeep!!" guy. This is play-it-cool stuff is behavior he developed as a shield against Gordon.

To be sure, we also see him employ it later this same book, this time against James: "Late again?" / Edward laughed, and James fumed away. The difference is – well, the need for the life-saving chase was pretty lucky, of course ;) but the real difference is that at the end of the affair James makes a real apology. As a result, the narrative tells us (doesn't show us, which is too bad, but I'm going to trust the telling), their old friendship is restored, strengthened even. Unfortunately making a real apology seems to be something completely beyond Gordon, at least at this point. And even if it wasn't, well, Edward never directly asks for one or complains about the behavior of the other engines to their faces. I don't know if Gordon is capable of apologizing to Henry either, but at least in that case Henry is going to be very loud and clear that he wants one. (This is probably at the bottom of the success of the 3+4 friendship. Gordon needs things spelled out for him – and Henry complains and grumbles without restraint, so Gordon will always be kept up to date on exactly where they stand.) Edward doesn't do that, perhaps can't do it because it violates his "never admit weakness in front of Gordon [or, in this one case, James]" defense mechanism. His remark referencing the "Old Iron" insult hints that he's ready for an apology – and James is able to take the hint and respond appropriately. Maybe that's why we've only ever seen Edward have to use the laughing pokerface strategy with James once, and we see him using it re: Gordon many times.

Going back to "Cows." At the end of that story Edward needles Gordon the same way he later does James. Gordon responds, not so humbly and sincerely, but arguably a form of relationship repair happens:

"Well, well, well!" chuckled Edward, "two big engines afraid of one cow!" / "Afraid – Rubbish," said Gordon huffily. We didn't want the poor thing to hurt herself by running against us. We stopped so as not to excite her. You see what I mean, my dear Edward." / "Yes, Gordon," said Edward gravely. / Gordon felt somehow that Edward "saw" only too well. (1952)

Well… they too are restored to their status quo.

It's just that their postwar status quo is polite, passive-aggressive points-scoring.

Now, at least it's civil! It sounds friendly. It sounds like there's mutual respect there. But...

It's not enmity. But you might call them frenemies.

I also need to remind us that we are reading the above quote because it is in print. Post-war, there is a new factor playing in this dynamic, a nearly-invisible but probably incredibly important one: the Thin Clergyman keeps publishing one or two books about their goings-on, every damn year. His interviews and his publications have already stirred up all sorts of old history (notably Troublesome Engines came out like two years ago, so they got to re-live that pretty recently). But now the RWS has "caught up" to current events so the engines are having the interesting new experience of an account of their doings for the year coming out, like, right away. Everyone becomes famous, but this also means that the books (and The Author's take on them) are shaping more and more people's perceptions of these guys, who have enough foreign traffic on their railway in this era that they cannot be ignorant of this effect. You know what they say about fame: it takes already imperfect relationships, and makes 'em better! 😇 Wait, no, they definitely do not say that... There is no chance that this sort of meta "reality tv show" factor didn't affect their outlooks and relationships.

Especially in a relationship like this. Where the Thin Clergyman's account of things heavily favors Edward, and rather severely trims Gordon's wheels.

Ooooooooooooof. I don't even want to speculate about the details of how this play out, but just bear in mind that it's. there.

Maybe it illuminates a lot of stuff going on in Duck and the Diesel. Including this…

“[H]e told Edward what Gordon had said. / “Don’t take any notice,” soothed Edward, “he’s just jealous. He thinks no engine should be famous but him.” (1957)

Erm. That's a pretty blunt assessment. Especially from an engine who usually has rose-colored glasses firmly attached.

I've never heard Edward say anything negative before about… anything. Literally anything. Let alone an anyone.

His prior remarks about Gordon always had the air of "haha… lol… Gordon, we love him of course 🙃…" There's no laugh here, no fondness, no attempt to soften things.

Not that this bluntness is a bad thing, in and of itself. But if the goal of Edward's defences was initially to find a way to maintain a good relationship (and I think it sincerely was), then the last example, from DatDE, is a yellow flag. It's been over thirty goddamn years now, and Edward is not growing more accepting and comfortable with Gordon – the opposite, actually. I don't hear Edward being unfair to Gordon there, precisely, but I do seem to hear markedly less tolerance than before.

And this is interesting, the hint that Edward is losing patience with Gordon. Because Gordon is actually engaged in a lot of self-improvement.

Gordon's Growth

He's been on a magical journey of character development, guys.

And it started way before his book/1952.

We see the little crocuses of Gordon's emerging awareness that Other Engines Have Something To Offer, Too almost from the get-go. I would count the fact that (back in 1923) it's Gordon who proposes that Henry is let out of the tunnel to try pulling his train. Which. Crazy idea, really. But even crazier because Gordon's been shown to have previously spent day upon day upon day whistling "Serves you riiiiiiiiight!"

Honestly, this is yet another hint to me that Gordon comes across as way harsher than he means to. I almost called the above "openly taunting Henry." But honestly, given his immediate and unexplained turnaround by the end of the story… once again, I think Gordon was being judgey and blunt, but really had no idea that what he was doing was so hurtful. Or that other engines have, like, feelings. Real feelings.

We see this pattern again and again. Gordon tells Edward "[I'll] be a splendid sight for you" and James "Ah well, we all have to begin somewhere, don't we? Run along now and fetch my coaches" and the two smaller engines, quite understandably, seem to say in their hearts oh my God, what an insufferable asshat. Meanwhile Gordon thinks he's being friendly. Or at least condescending (but, like, in the fun, benevolent way). Similarly, Gordon tells back-from-major-reconstructive-surgery Henry that he's been really letting the side down in, like, three different ways – and I bet if anyone had directly challenged him he would have sincerely been like "... What? What's the problem? I told him we were happy to have him back!" Even his spat with Henry that led to his boasting in "Off the Rails" began with what have may been genuinely mother-henning his friend. I would not be too shocked to learn that Gordon gets twinges of unease that he never examines every so often when he sees Henry with a train and has a subconscious flashback to their fears for Henry's life after the Kipper accident. Altogether, there seems to so often be a good and commendable instinct on Gordon's part – it's just that for the longest time he doesn't seem to have a clue about how to transmute those instincts into something that other engines are going to find legible. And then if he gets even slight pushback his good instincts collapse and he reverts to his childish "meee! meeeeeeee! 😤😤" instincts.

It's a slow hard slog for him to learn how to Use His Words and Relate To Others, but we do get to see progress. And it starts early! He makes friends with James after James successfully takes the Express (1925-6) – and it's really quite a gracious overture. He, along with James, sympathises with Henry after the elephant incident (the Author, of course, explicitly denigrates this, suggests that it was purely a matter of politicking and scheming and that it would have been healthier to have mocked Henry, the way the proletariat should always be cutting each other down at the slightest opportunity, really sticking the boot in each other's neck gratis. But hell with that! Lmao. Catch me ever swallowing Management's narrative about how their striking workers banded together. Anyway, even if I granted for the sake of argument that Gordon was faking his sympathy, well, I mean. Gordon faking sympathy is still #Growth. Fake it till you make it!) He is also friendly and kind when he rescues Percy from the Big Bank of Earth – he indeed shows so much tact that he finds something to give Percy credit for, instead of saying (which would have been true) "This is all your fault, dumbass…"

"Off the Rails" represents a bad week or so for him, but the incidents in the rest of Gordon's book don't show us a newly humbled Gordon – more just a recently re-humbled one. His behavior to James is perfectly in line with those previous incidents. His behavior to Thomas doesn't come out of nowhere either… although in that one Gordon is trialling some new material:

“I’m sorry I was cheeky,” said Thomas. / “That’s all right, Thomas. You made me laugh. I like that. I’m in disgrace,” Gordon went on pathetically. “I feel very low.” (1952)

We all see what's new here?

1) The Alliance. Now, Gordon putting words to it (and words that make it into the RWS) is new. The concept overall is not new; this seems to be a verbalization of an attitude that Gordon has adopted long ago. As I argued above, this is just Gordon's whole concept of friendship. It is worth pointing out, though, that he never before extended this concept to tank engines. (He could condescend to them. Not offer them alliance and equality, though. Therefore didn't get upset when Thomas didn't "understand" his concerns as A Tender Engine, either. There was no expectation of a pact. Not back then. It's only now that this changes.)

As the next decade or so goes on, we're going to see that Gordon (and Henry) seem to continue extending this implicit alliance to every steam engine. (Diesels, after that whole disastrous introduction to them via the most devious of engines, are a sort of last barrier.) Think "We engines have our differences, but we'd never talk about them to the trucks." Think Gordon laughing with Stepney and Duck over their triumph with "the heavy train." Think of rallying around Donald and Douglas when they learn there is a threat of scrap. That concept of alliance that was once limited between the big engines (plus or minus Edward, depending) is now extended. It doesn't mean that there are never conflicts or clashes within the ranks, of course! But it does mean that there's a new attitude spreading on this railway. This book is where we see the first sign of Gordon spearheading it. I wouldn't say he gets credit for creating or implementing it all himself – but he does deserve credit in the sense that, if he had not whole-heartedly bought into this idea, it wouldn't have become entrenched on the main line.

2) Vulnerability. I directed attention in the previous section to the way that Edward will not admit weakness in front of Gordon. Gordon has something similar… but worse. Until this point, Gordon would not admit vulnerability to anyone. At most would complain, or try to make some "objective" case as to why he is ill-used.

That isn't what happens in this exchange. He doesn't make the slightest argument for himself, he doesn't object to being in disgrace. He simply owns, aloud, that it sucks. I feel very low.

There are other indicators that this is not a one-off, that Gordon is simply coming to terms with the reality that he is, basically, a sensitive soul:

One day Gordon saw [Sir Handel] shunting, and laughed. / “My Controller makes me shunt,” Sir Handel said sheepishly, “and take trucks to quarries too. I’m highly sprung, and I suffer dreadfully.” / “Our Controllers don’t understand our feelings,” sympathised Gordon. (195…5?)

This isn't as vulnerable as the Thomas case – Gordon's not feeling Very Low in that moment, after all – but it is very intriguing. In a previous book, Sir Handel treated Gordon like they were equals, which left Gordon "speechless." As well it might! And now, when Gordon meets up with him again, he does have the upper wheel: He catches out Sir Handel not being so very express-enginey after all! But when Gordon laughs at him, Sir Handel owns up to his embarrassment. And this is exactly how you get Gordon's best side. When you're vulnerable, he stops acting the bully, and he's sympathetic. Very similar to the case from "Percy Runs Away." But this time, Gordon seems to be going a half-step further than just claiming the role of benevolent patron. "Our Controllers don't understand our feelings." He really does cement Sir Handel's claim to equal fellowship.

It's probably not mere politeness, though, that makes Gordon sympathize. He's revealing something important here about his inner life. When Gordon is seen as his most proud and demanding, he is actually troubled and upset – putting up a very good thick front over it, though.

We will see confirmation that he's a creature of Feels again in 1968, after he spends a whole page (that's a lot of time, in RWS-land) unable to express more than "I'm not happy" – which the other Tidmouth engines ignore or treat as a superficial complaint because, well, they just had no reason to think that Gordon would ever be like this:

Gordon backed down on his train, hissing mournfully. / “Cheer up, Gordon!” said The Fat Controller. / “I can’t, Sir. The others say I’ve got boiler-ache, but I haven’t, Sir. I keep thinking about the Dreadful State of the World, Sir. Is it true, Sir, what the diesels say?” / “What do they say?” / “They boast that they’ve abolished Steam, Sir.” / “Yes, Gordon. It is true.” / “What, Sir! All my Doncaster brothers, drawn the same time as me?” (1968)

*dramatic gesture* Gordon the “I Just Want a Little Goddamn Sympathy” Engine, ladies and gentlemen.

Returning to our overall topic, this is an interesting similarity between Gordon and Edward. Despite their numerous and obvious differences, they both have a lot of Feelings – like, to the point where it’s a burden, and figuring out what to do with ‘em drives their respective character arcs.

Being them, of course, they approach the problem from opposite directions, lol. Edward is basically toughening up, and starting to adopt the role of an elder/mentor (he does this a lot later than I gather people think he does, and in more limited circumstances. But you do gradually see him becoming less A Normal, Emotive Peer and more of A Sympathetic Listener, One Half Step Removed from Ordinary Engine Life, Giving and Not Asking For Support). Gordon has almost the reverse assignment. He's opening up, and gradually learning how to come down from his high horse and be on a level with others.

Once Gordon learns how to use his words to express himself like a rational being, he starts being able to form much healthier bonds with others. (I didn’t say with everyone. And I didn’t say they were perfectly healthy. Just… healthier than some of his past bullshit, lol.)

And, when Gordon gets the kind of support he needs, he becomes much less of a pain in the arse. This arc continues all the way through to the Christopher Awdry books.

To the extent that, as of Main Line Engines, he IS still a pain in the ass… well, I think we can infer that he hasn’t yet got that support network quite in place.

Ironically, ‘emotional support’ is a real strength of Edward’s. It’s something we’ve seen him lend generously to a laundry list of other engines… and something we never see him offer Gordon.

For obvious reasons. Gordon burned him so many times before and (the key commonality, of course) Edward is sensitive, too. It’s always obvious that he feels things keenly and takes things hard. His character arc has a lot to do with channeling that sensitivity into action and learning to build more backbone.

It's on a collision course with Gordon's character arc, which is about connecting with and owning his feelings and learning how to express them.

We can see the crash coming in part to, again, the absence of what we see between them in this pre-60s era. Gordon has repeatedly proven that he can be a very good friend, when an engine is down (Percy, James, Thomas, Sir Handel). This is a great footing for Gordon to show his best and most generous side.

Unfortunately Edward's entire strategy for dealing with Gordon since at least 1925 has been about NOT showing any weakness in front of him. A strategy he's followed with great success.

So it's no surprise, that both characters are growing and developing, but that their relationship is growing more and more hollow.

It's no surprise… but it is aggravating.

And the thing that makes you want to tear your hair out the most? Gordon – Mr. Oblivious himself – has no idea anything's wrong.

And, honestly, watching Edward getting slyer and slyer about forever keeping Gordon squarely on the back foot is a joy… I’m so proud of him… even as part of me groans because, funny though this is, they could have had something even better.

Let’s take a closer look at MLE. They’ve both spent decades now dosing on ‘character development.’ Unfortunately those arcs are on trajectory to criss-cross – and the smash-up happens here.

#long post #ttte #the railway series #ttte analysis #chatter #ttte edward #ttte gordon #ttte james #ttte thomas #ttte sir handel #2+4 #2+5 #1+4 #4+sr3

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13hoax · 16 hours ago

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‧₊’tis the damn season ༄

fem!reader x ex!matt sturniolo ౨ৎ 13hoax

— after you and matt broke up about a year ago, he ended up moving to LA, while you stayed in massachusetts. to escape your heartbreak and the town you both once shared, you found yourself a new home near cape cod. you recently were hired at a local cafe that also acts as a bookstore. just as you start moving on from your break up, a familiar face shows up unannounced at your work.

inspired by this song by taylor swift - notes: swearing, angst, fluff

— [10:13am] the air brewed of coffee beans and cool autumn air. you boringly peered over the cash register, studying the few people quietly sat in scarves and boots, sipping coffee and flipping through crisp book pages. your focus shifted to the door when you heard the loud and unforgiving bell, hung above the wooden frame. the heavy door began to swing open due to the harsh breeze outside.

approaching you slowly through the doorway was a brunette haired boy. you began watching attentively as his eyes darted across the cafe, making himself familiar with the layout he'd clearly just discovered. he adjusted the buttons on his coat while he walked up to the counter. his head finally lifted up enough to meet yours, then you got a glimpse of those familiar blue eyes.

standing in shock on a painfully slow monday afternoon, was far from expected. it was matt, your ex-boyfriend matt, who you haven’t seen for almost a year. even though you haven’t spoke to matt in what felt like forever, you still thought about him every single day since he moved out to LA. he also realized who was standing right in front of him at the same time as you. after what felt like ages of you both standing aimlessly, acting stunned by each other's presence in a random cafe in cape cod, you gain the courage to confront him first.

“what are you doing here?” you interrogate with annoyance.

matt: “that’s a weird way to say hello,” he says smirking

“seriously matt why are you here?”

completely avoiding your question, matt continues his dialogue while peering down, toying with some wrapped baked goods displayed on the counter top.

matt: “sooo... since when did you work in cape cod?”

“since when were you back in mass?” you sass back while acknowledging his ignorance.

matt: “hm.. since maybe the holiday season? and i'm staying at my parents house.." he paused then continues, "i'm actually shocked you chose to move here out of all places.. it's a bit touristy, don't you think?” he says, tilting only his eyes upward to find yours.

“it’s actually the farthest i was able to go from our hometown, the tourists don’t annoy me as much as you’d think they would.”

matt: “so you enjoy it here..?”

confused by his questions and the fact he appeared out of nowhere. your temper starts to rise due to the feeling of humiliation on why your ex, matt sturniolo, would show up at your small coffee shop, an hour away from both of your hometowns. your eyebrows tighten together when you decide to interrogate him once more.

“seriously matt, i'm not here to play games. out of all places you could go to in massachusetts, why are you here??”

matt whines with a pouting frown, “is it a crime to want to order a coffee and support a small business-” “oh don't give me that shit, seriously you need to leave, now,” you quickly interrupt him as you turn around to hand one of your co-workers an empty coffee cup. matt holds his head up higher to get a better look at you, who is now standing next to the sink, drying coffee cups with a clean towel.

matt: “you aren't curious what i've been up to?.. not even a little bit?”

turning your head only slightly to hear him better, you scoff at his egotistical question while replying, “if i wanted to know who you were hanging with while you were gone, i would've asked you.”

while standing your ground to hopefully show matt you won’t come running back to him any time he shows you attention, you continued to keep your eyes locked on the delicate cups in front of you.

you hear matt sigh as he seemingly gives up hope and guides himself out of the shop. once again you hear that painful brass bell ring, but this time you’re relieved because it means you’re safe to return back to the cash register.

— [3:03pm] after your shift ends you collect your things from the rusty lockers. the whole interaction with matt is still haunting your thoughts and is inescapable at this point. with your leather shoulder bag and water bottle in hand, you clock out and make your way to the back door to start your walk to your newest apartment.

as you reach into your bag to grab your cinnamon flavored lip gloss, you pass the brick corner and instead of seeing the cement sidewalk like usual, your eyes draw you to see matt. once again he's standing right in front of you. you stop like a deer in headlights as he reaches out to touch your forearm and starts to speak,

matt: “ok seriously.. i come all the way over here to see you, and you shoot me down like that?”

in disbelief of his words, since he was the one who left you heartbroken last fall due to his job on social media and traveling back and forth, you become curious of his intentions.

“so you couldn't just call? you just showed up at my minimum wage job instead?”

matt: “i didn't want to upset you, i just wanted to check up on you. no matter what happened between us.. you know i still care about you.”

“yeah you really cared when you made me leave the warmest bed i’ve ever known, that shit fucked me up matt.” you say unsteady.

matt: “i know there’s an ache in you, put there by the ache in me. and i'm forever sorry for that. but please.. i just wanted to see how you were doing.. truly,” he says sincerely.

he notices your longing stare with watered eyes and tries to change the topic in a quick attempt of redemption from his unannounced appearance. he rubs the side of your arm with his thumb, desperate to comfort you and find a distraction, “is that a new lip gloss?” your eyes shift to him as he wipes the corner of your eye. you nod shakily, trying to suppress the emotions from not only seeing matt when you finally thought you were over him, but also the feeling of his touch that was deeply missed. you slowly start to walk past him as he follows closely behind.

“you’d be surprised how much lip gloss a girl can collect in a year,” you say, trying to forget the subtle breakdown that just occurred.

he smiles at your words while he catches up to you, removing his keys from his jean loop. pointing the key, he unlocks his muddy truck tired vehicle on the street, and grabs the door handle to open the passenger door only slightly. “spend one weekend with me, we can call it even,” he says, locking his eyes on yours. he knows if he holds the contact long enough it’ll be harder for you to deny him.

breaking eye contact, you brush between him and the truck, signaling him to let go of the handle. you open the door facing away from him, trying your best to hide the end of your teary eyes and the new pink flush gathering in your cheeks. you swiftly jump into the passenger seat, turning back to him while nodding ever so slightly, “i’ll be yours for the weekend.”

— hi! this is my first time writing here, so i hope anyone who reads this likes it!! and i’m sorry if i got any grammar or punctuation wrong!! i have part two in the making so lmk if anyone is interested :)

this fic is being added to my evermore collection! i plan on writing a fic for each of my fav songs off there since it’s one of my fav albums!

#13hoax₊˚༄ؘ writing #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo fanfic #matthew sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo tumblr #sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo angst #matt sturniolo fluff #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo x you #fan fiction #angst #fluff #taylor swift

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admirationandromantics · 3 days ago

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Going overboard, 1: Memento Mori

Okay, so first the prologue, and now the first chapter. As I've said before, not all chapters include a Josh-interactions because of accuracy to the game, so you'll just have to live with it. If you haven't read the Prologue, go to my profile, then the masterlist, Josh Washington. You'll find it there. Get ready for tomorrow!

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Chapter 1: Memento Mori

After what happened up on the mountain last year, Josh didn’t stay in touch. At first we all tried to talk to him, help him, but we gave up one after another. He talked with Sam a lot. I think she did the most she could until he cut contact. I didn’t want to put too much on him, and we all were in grief as well, so it probably was the best solution.

Sam and I had regular coffees. It helped us both. We shared stories about them, and she told me about everything which happened that night. The prank wasn’t about me, nor Josh. Not even Beth, but she still had to suffer the consequences. Poor Beth, and poor Hannah. We all knew she had a thing for Mike, but setting her up like that was not okay. I now despised them all, Jessica, Emily, Mike, Matt, Ashley. Matt was such a sweet guy, I couldn’t imagine him standing there with a camera, recording everything. For me though, Ashley hurt the most. I loved her, I truly did, but I cut contact quickly after I got to know about the evening. She sent me a bunch of texts, begging me to talk to her. She was sorry, she was drunk, caught up in the moment, and everyone was doing it so she felt like she had to. She never knew that the aftermath would be as bloody as it did. I still didn’t text her back.

A month before the anniversary of their disappearance, Sam got a video message from Josh. He invited her up to the cabin again, stating that this would be a way to honour their memory, and relive the experience, but with a good ending. There would be booze, partying and just making new memories. Based on the video, it seemed like he asked everyone in the old group. Everyone except me. I felt hurt. Betrayed in a way. I was one of the few he talked to, cried to. Our relationship didn’t evolve after the event, but I was still there for him, trying to comfort him. Sam told me that I should come with her, but I declined. If he didn’t want me there, it was okay. She couldn’t understand why, but she kept being insistent, urging me to give it a chance. I didn’t have to be there the whole time, and if I wanted to, I could leave the very next day since the bus went through the area once every day.

It would be good to talk to Josh, maybe even if he didn’t want to. I was selfish, I knew that, but I had to see him. I wanted to see how he was doing, how he was feeling. This also made me think of Chris. He would probably be there, and I hadn’t kept in touch with him either. I felt bad, but at the same time, we weren’t that close. I knew that he still hung out with Ashley sometimes, and maybe that made me a bit afraid. Maybe she would try to contact me through him? Maybe I wasn’t just selfish. Ashley also needed to talk. Talk to me, clear the air. I would let her. I finally agreed to come with Sam up to the cabin.

***

The bus is empty, except for Sam and I of course. She didn’t pack much, and I didn’t either. I figured that I wouldn’t stay long. I just needed to talk to people, get some weights off my shoulders. The radio is playing, and no surprise, it’s about Beth and Hannah. I hold my composure, trying not to cry. The trip is long, and I end up sleeping on her shoulder for a good amount of it. Sam is watching something on her phone, but I don’t peek. I simply look out the window. There is an eerie feeling to these mountains. I felt the same last year, but this time it feels stronger. The black trees are covered in snow, untouched by animals.

Finally we reach our stop. The sign says “Blackwood Pines” and hadn’t it been for last year's events, I would still love the name. Being here for the first time felt magical, straight out of Narnia, joining a winter wonderland of mystery. Now, I feel nervous. The air isn’t as fresh, the ground not as hard and the snow was too white. Instead of smelling winter, I smell something musk, like a dead animal or rotten meat. I look over at Sam, and I think she notices too.

We start walking in silence, through the gate and up the trail. As we walk, she stops.

“Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” I whisper, getting anxious. Maybe it’s a wild animal, a wolf or a bear.

“Hello!?” Sam shouts, and my eyes widen. Why would she do that, what if the animal looks at us as a threat now. I look around, expecting something to pop out, but it’s silent.

“Sorry, I probably just thought I heard something,” she says, continuing walking. She notices my tenseness.

“Are you okay?”

“No, absolutely not” I state, looking around again.

“Hey I get it, this is weird, but we’re doing this for Josh right,” she starts, taking my hand, stopping me.

“I hate to say it, but you need to relax. Nothing bad is going to happen, and people are just being friendly”

“I know, I know. I just can’t shake off this feeling that there’s something here”

“It’s because of last year. We’re all still thinking about it, so we know how you’re feeling”

I look up at her. She’s right, I’m not alone in this, and we’ve both been there for each other the whole year.

“Yeah, thanks for the talk. It’s just… well, weird”

“It is, but I think this is good for you. This trip could be a way for you to let go, get some closure. They both would’ve wanted that for you” she says, before pulling me into a hug. I breathe, and some of the tension lifts. Thank God I still have Sam. When we pull away she looks at me, smiling. I smile back, before looking behind her. My mouth opens, eyes widen and my breath hitches. I grab her hand, holding hard.

“S-Sam, c-c-careful. Stand s-s-till,” I whisper. She holds her breath while searching my face for answers.

“Boo!” I shout, punching her with both my hands. She screeches, jumps and I feel her pulse in her hand.

“Got you” I laugh, while she’s still trying to compose herself.

“Fucking asshole” she says. I can’t stop laughing.

“You know, you’re going to ‘wolf wolf’ me.”

“I can live with that” I continue laughing, before starting to walk again, her following after.

“I’m joking, that was out of line, sorry” I say after a while.

“At least you got to see my ‘frozen’ face”

“Yeah that’s why I laughed”

We reach the gate, and a piece of paper is pinned on the lock.

“The gate’s busted, climb over -Chris”

“I guess we have to climb,” I state, looking at the gate. There are big spikes on the top of the gate, so I look over at the side. It’s a stone wall.

“Right up my alley” Sam says enthusiastically. Of course it is.

“I’ll give you a lift first if you take my bag” she says, already taking off her bag.

“Fine, just don’t throw me over with those strong climber-arms of yours” I reply, taking her bag and making my way to the wall. She puts out her hands and I grab somewhere safe on the wall. She helps me get up, and I jump down the other side, looking up, waiting for her.

“Gosh, the stones are cold” she complains, finally getting to the top.

“Should’ve worn gloves” I smile, showing off my red-covered hands in a theatrical manner. She laughs before hopping down. I give her backpack back, and we continue up.

When we finally arrive at the cable car station, the place seems empty. I see a couple of cars in the parking lot, but don’t want to check who they belong to. One of them must be Josh’s. I walk up to the bench, noticing a backpack and a ringing phone. My curiosity is immense, but I don’t touch it. Sam notices who’s bag it is.

“Hey Chris!” she yells, looking around for him.

“Hey guys” he answers, and we both turn around. He seems older, more harsh than the year before, but I don’t comment on it.

“How are you ladies?”

“Well, as you can expect” Sam answers, still smiling. I smile as well, keeping the mood light. I don’t notice how much I’ve missed him before seeing him now. Something in me breaks a little.

“Oh, so, I found something kind of amazing”

“What?”

“I’m not gonna tell you got to see for yourself” he smiles, grabbing his backpack and leading us around the house. We get to the other side where we’re met with a shooting range. Barrels and bottles stacked for hitting, as well as bags hanging from the trees.

“Ta-da! Pretty rad right?” Chris exclaims, loving this a bit too much. Sam forces a smile, guns are not a source of happiness for a pacifist.

“A gun range on the bottom of a ski lodge” I comment. “How… nordic?”

Chris picks up a gun before looking at me.

“Well, have you met Josh’s dad?”

“Yeah”

“Then we shouldn’t be surprised” he says before turning and aiming the gun. I hold my breath, not comfortable with this funny clumsy guy holding a death-weapon. He shoots the bags and one of the cans. I’m kind of impressed.

“Nice shootin Tex” Sam teases, not impressed. I guess it would take something better than shooting to impress her. She fakes an annoyed look before turning my way.

“Wanna try?”

“You know what, sure. It’s been a while” I say before taking the gun from him, taking off my backpack and laying it beside me.

“You’ve done this before?”

“Josh has taken me shooting several times, not hunting though, luckily” I smile, remembering how close we felt the first time he showed me how to use it.

“I bet that’s not the only thing you two have done” he comments, a smirk on his lips.

“Haha, funny guy” I tease back. Sam holds her laughter. I shoot a couple of bags, stopping when a squirrel jumps on one of the barrels.

“I guess that’s our sign to start going to the lodge,” I say, leaving the gun and grabbing my bag.

“Jeez, I wish Josh would take me shooting,” Chris says, and I smile.

The cable car is coming, and Sam makes her way over there. I use the opportunity to grab ahold of him.

“Hey Chris, about this year-” I start, but he holds a finger up, signalling for me to stop.

“I get it, if I were in your shoes I would’ve done the same”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s weird being back, but I’ve been wanting to clear up everything. We should keep in contact, even though you don’t want to talk to Ashley, I understand”

“When did you become such an understanding gentleman,” I tease, punching his arm and start walking. He lifts his arms in the air.

“Haven’t I always been?” And I laugh at him.

We all get in the cable car, and it starts moving up. Chris starts talking about how he and Josh met, and I pay close attention. I’ve only heard this story from Josh, and I love getting the different story-perspectives.

***

We arrive at the top, I stand and try to open the door. It will not open.

“Uh, guys, I can’t get the door open.” Chris tries, but can’t manage either. His response is to smack the window.

“Ahh, what the hell!” I hear someone say. Jessica. I compose myself.

“Jess! Over here, open the door!” Chris shouts. I see her through the window, and I bite my lips from having to look put together. Don’t look like a bitch, don’t look like a bitch, don’t look like you have anything against this piece of scum. I keep chanting in my head.

She opens the door, and we all thank her. As we walk out, Chris starts whining.

“Oh my god. I thought we were goners. Another ten minutes in there and I would’ve chewed off my own leg.”

“Aw, sick Chris,” Sam comments.

“Look, I’ve got a lot of meat on my bones. This is all muscle down there.”

Sam rolls her eyes. “Yeah riiiiiight”

“Keep telling yourself that Chris,” I add, clapping him on the shoulder as I walk past him. He lowers his voice to a whisper.

“Well, we all know who’s bone you want to jump…”

I turn around, mouth agape and eyes threatening. He immediately puts his hands up in defence, walking backwards two paces.

“Just jokes, just jokes” says, voice cracking.

“Dickhead”

“Notice how I’m not going to make another joke about that,” he answers. I quickly make a snowball and throw it at him, hitting his chest. Sam places herself between us, arms tense as if waiting for someone to attack.

Chris uses this opportunity to snatch whatever Jess is holding.

“Well, well, well… What do we have here?”

“Chris” Sam starts. He opens it, a surprised look on his face.

“My goodness! Seems like someone has a crush on our good friend and dear class president Michael Munroe.” Shit. That’s not good.

“Chris,” I threaten.

“And what kind of sizzling erotica might our Jessica be capable of imagining, I wonder…”

Before he’s able to see more, Jess quickly snatches the item back.

“If you must know-” she starts.

“Mike and I are together now.” We all look at each other.

“Drama,” Chris answers.

“No, pretty cut clean actually. Em’s out, I’m in,” she explains. I look over at Sam. She doesn’t know what to say. Luckily, Chris breaks the awkwardness.

“Well, we should keep going”

“You go, I’ll be waiting here for a bit”

“Waiting for Mike?”

“Just go”

We oblige, walking further and leaving her behind. The trail is quite big and visible. It’s comfortable to walk on. As we turn a corner, I see the cabin. The cabin where Josh is, where Ashley is probably waiting. The cabin which was the last place two of our best friends were seen alive one year ago.

#until dawn #chris hartley #joshua washington #chris until dawn #christopher hartley #ashley brown #josh washington #samantha giddings #until dawn chris #until dawn jessica #jessica until dawn #ahsley until dawn #sam until dawn #josh x reader #until dawn josh #josh until dawn #joshua washington x reader

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blindvogel · 1 day ago

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I've played through Veilguard three times now and I've had this thing in my head since the first go around. I was not normal about Emmrich and Kamari before I really met them and now that I have, they do not leave my head. But before I can get into all the sweet and fluffy pieces that I usually love to write, I need to get the drama and heartbreak out of my system that was the third act of the game. We all know. It's the Argument, and the weeks after. So. First part. Kamari.

~~~

Its shape the absence of you (Part 1 of 3)

She had thought it would be a conversation of affirmations and reassurance when she sought out Emmrich the evening before their mission on Tearstone Island. She never thought it would be this.

Kamari can tell he is worried, scared even - he’s never been good at truly hiding his emotions from her. Yet it is not a fear of the now, the coming day. He’s scared of hurting her in the future, some nebulous time some decades away should they make it out alive and off the island.

And his words - he’s always so careful with them, chooses them wisely. And what he says to her now-

“Even under the best circumstances, you will outlive me, Kamari. I care for you. Deeply. But- there are such years between us, I shouldn’t heap you with that burden.”

It’s a stab right into her heart. Does he truly mean to end things between them or is it just his fear speaking, finding a new way to worm itself into torturing him? And her.

“You’re breaking my heart by worrying.” She can only respond with honesty, with her feelings laid bare before him.

And he sees them. She knows he does when he looks away and his voice softens around the familiar endearment.

“Darling, I didn’t…” He trails off, does not finish the thought.

For a moment she thinks Emmrich will relent, will not push this further. Except he doesn’t. Kamari can see it as his posture changes, his body turns away from her as he looks back at her. Determined.

“I only wish to be fair to you,” he says but there is no fairness in fear.

Still, she tries to soothe, to reassure him despite her own fear rising up her throat. She cares too much for him to just give in.

“I know what I’m getting into.”

It’s not what he wants to hear, or can at this point perhaps. And Kamari would never have thought to what depths Emmrich could sink when all he had shown her before was kindness and affection. Couldn’t have imagined that he could look down at her like he does now, so dismissively.

“At your age?”

It’s a slap in her face and it hurts, yet still she persists. She does not want to argue.

“Don’t start,” she cautions, yet even her own body does not listen as her back straightens and her muscles tense.

And neither does Emmrich as he continues to insist, his voice raised.

“We must consider this!”

A last attempt, her hand reaching out palm up, placating, almost pleading, voice soft.

“You’re overthinking it, and it’s not the time.”

It’s as if he isn’t listening to her at all, as if he doesn’t want to or can hear anything she’s said since she came into his room. Cannot back down from the path of escalation he’s set himself on.

“One of us needs to consider my mortality!” There is real anger in his voice, brows knit together, an arrogance in his posture as he towers over her that snaps something inside Kamari.

She doesn’t raise her voice but her own pain and anger feel like glass shards in her mouth as she rises to the bait.

“Because you’re worried about me, or insecure about you?”

And it hits its mark.

Shock and hurt is written all across Emmrich’s face even as he averts his eyes from her, his shoulders sinking as the fight goes out of him. She immediately regrets this, never wanted to see him hurt or be the one to cause him pain. Her instinct screams at her to take it all back, to apologize. Her mouth complies before it catches up with her other feelings.

“Look I…,” she starts but then cannot bring herself to finish it. He’s hurt her deeply. It is too much for now, for what little time there is left. “.. let’s pack. Eve before we face a god, right?” She finishes instead, her body half-turning to leave.

It’s not what either of them want, staying in this hurtful limbo, but there are too many emotions and too little time to fix it.

“As you say,” he agrees, his head sinking and unable to look at her when she can no longer conceal the extent of her own pain from her face. Kamari leaves quickly before he can see her cry.

And it’s a blessing that her own room is so close so that nobody else sees her tears.

Packing and readying her gear she can almost do by rote and she isn’t sure if that is a blessing or a curse. It leaves most of her mind free to circle and spin, replay that conversation in her head over and over and over.

Had Emmrich truly so little faith in her feelings for him, had he thought them so shallow that she hadn’t even considered a life with him beyond the now and what that would mean? Had it been just his own fear and insecurity talking as she had thrown into his face? Something in between? The knife in her heart twists sharply, leaving her sitting on the floor with trembling hands.

It continues to twist her heart into a painful knot as she attempts sleep and finds very little.

The heavy eye makeup she applies the next morning does little to hide the redness of her puffy eyes but nobody remarks on it. They are all dealing with their own emotions and as long as her voice does not waver, as long as her thoughts remain focused on the task at hand and her eyes on the path before her then it does not matter. There is no room for anything else.

They discuss the best approach, discuss splitting the team so that one half can distract the Antaam army while the other is guaranteed an approach to where the gods are working on the dagger. Kamari agrees with Harding’s suggestion to lead the other team - she trusts her friend to get them through safely. Who better to do this than a scout with the Stone on her side and Neve, Bellara and Taash to watch her back.

Keeping Emmrich with her is a selfish choice and she knows it. They have not spoken since yesterday and the weight of what was said and what has been left unsaid hangs heavy between them. But Kamari knows that she will feel better if she knows where he is, if she can at least make sure herself that he is not harmed. It’s the best she can do to get through this and focus.

There are enough obstacles in their way to keep her attention.

So she isn’t prepared when Emmrich catches up to her side in a rare calm moment, Davrin and Lucanis just enough ahead of them in a semblance of privacy.

“Kamari?” A pause, almost not noticeable before he adds, “Darling? I wanted to say-”

She interrupts him gently. “Yeah. About that argument…” She can not have this now, can not give him the attention that this would rightfully deserve. But the familiar endearment soothes nonetheless.

Emmrich sighs, understanding what she implies. “It’s no time to apologize, is it?”

“We’ll talk back home, Emmrich. I promise.”

She does not keep her promise. She does not get to go home.

After Lucanis succeeds in striking down Ghilan’nain, after Harding sacrificing herself to give him that shot, after losing Bellara to Elgar’nan - after all this, Solas’ betrayal costs her that promise. Ripped into the Fade, shackled and weighed down by her regrets, she plummets into the Fade prison in his stead.

The voices of her friends, team mates, her love, are deafening in her head, cursing and blaming her for her failures. And she lets them. She deserves it.

She made the call that got Bellara captured, perhaps killed.

She agreed to Harding’s plan, was not quick enough, not clever enough to do something before she chose to sacrifice herself.

She hurt Emmrich.

She… she could not save Varric.

That realization, that memory resurfacing has her remain motionless after she slams into the ground.

Kamari doesn’t know how long she simply lays there. Time seems to have little meaning where she is and she has no presence of mind to think about it. She can only feel the weight of the pain and grief, the weight of her guilt pressing her down. Can barely breathe.

Then the tears come and soon sobs shake her entire body until finally exhaustion drags her into unconsciousness.

Eventually, she wakes. Manages to struggle to her feet to aimlessly wander the greyscale world of her prison. Solas’s prison, and she his substitute.

It takes her longer still to form thoughts that are not made of self-recrimination, that are not voices in her head telling her it was her fault.

The first thought that floats to the surface is an observation. That she feels no hunger, that her body exists in this realm as if set in stasis. It is followed by another thought, a logical conclusion. If her body is in stasis, then she can not die. A third thought, now clawing at her so sharply that the apathy crumbles away under the fresh pain and fear - if she cannot die, then she will be stuck here forever. And she knows this to be true. She is a Watcher.

She cannot stay. She is a Watcher. There has to be a way.

Her steps become determined, her aimless wandering turns into a search. But there is nothing, just the flat grey cobblestones underneath her feet and floating statues of her tyrannical would-be gods above her.

She is alone, with only her regrets for company.

So she talks to them out loud so that she can hear her own voice echoing in the space and know the voices answering are in her head by the contrast. Bellara, calm yet reproachful. Harding, soft and gentle despite the bitterness of her words. They speak, they argue for what feels like an eternity, Kamari softly begging for forgiveness until she finally realizes she is asking this from herself.

Until there are Bellara’s words in her head, a memory from what feels now so long ago. “Until it feels like I deserve it.”

Does she? Is there even something to forgive aside from her own guilt and regret?

They knew the risks, they made their choices. And she had to live with that even if it hurt. It does. It will. Hope is not yet lost if they can save Bellara. And she cannot help from in here, stuck pondering what-ifs.

She is a Watcher, there has to be a way.

“The Fade always provides a way forward.” Emmrich’s reassuring voice, his words when Johanna had sealed them in. She needs to get back to him, to make things right and have that conversation. To hold him and not let go until that gnawing fear subsides. Not a regret, a promise.

“You’ve got it, kid.”

Varric.

The thought, the memory steals her breath. He had been dead the entire time and she… every time she doubted, every time she faltered and sought out his advice… she had been talking to herself. And a small part of her, a quiet voice she did not want to listen to, it had always known. But she could not face it then, gladly allowed herself to be fooled by Solas’ curse, his words because she could not take the truth. Then.

Now?

Grief has not dulled its claws but they were no longer buried so deep that she could not take the pain. He had tried to save his friend his way, and perhaps he had failed… but only if she would give up too. Only if she could not accept it and stop looking for a way forward, a way out.

“The Fade always provides.”

Kamari closes her eyes, focuses on Emmrich’s voice even if it is only in her memory. Hope. She has to hold on to hope.

The ground beneath her shakes, her eyes sting with a sudden brightness and as she opens them she sees it right above her, a distant sun and a steep climb. But she can do this. Her family is waiting.

#dragon age the veilguard #datv spoilers #veilguard spoilers #emmrich volkarin #emmrich x rook #Kamari the rook #Kamari Ingellvar #blindvogel writes

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supernova1885a · 2 days ago

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I love angst, make my fav characters suffer is basically a tradition.

So I have all this lore that I made up myself while playing based on confusing events and dialogues, so I decided to illustrate a little bit of what the transition from happiness = tragedy would be like in the relationship of these two. I don't know what the hell I saw in that spider but I love them and that's precisely why I'm going to make them suffer, you're welcome.

I MUST CLARIFY that everything I say in this post is not canon or is partially based on the canon of the game. Don't take this as something official, I just want to share a little of my interpretation of both the story and characters. Also that Shamura is a she/her to me, but I will refer to her as they/them in this post.

After Shamura found the others, they moved together to Silk Cradle and worked out what their new life would be from now on. Shamura made very strong bonds with they new family, but especially with Leshy and Narinder, although due to his insistence they spent more time with the latter.

They used to take him with them to their temple and show him the spider webs that decorated the place, as well as teach him to weave and other things. Being the eldest, they had to impart the learning of their siblings as well as help them assume their places as divinities. All with enormous love and affection that grew with the passage of time.

Years later, the five of them grew up and left Silk Cradle to begin to reign in their respective kingdoms. Because Narinder's kingdom was not earthly, he was the last to leave.

Shamura was the one who made and gave their siblings their robes, it was a last gift from them before not seeing them again for a long time. They could not hide their happiness, although along with it there was a slight feeling of sadness, but they knew well that they could not keep them with them for life and had to let them follow their paths.

Of course, there are times when with bad guidance the paths can go awry. Shamura loved their siblings, perhaps too much and that made them very permissive regarding certain actions that they did. Narinder was fed up with his position and decided to go further, breaking the laws of nature, Shamura had a bad feeling but when they realized it was too late. Narinder felt betrayed when they reproached him, because it was thanks to their knowledge that he had done what he did and now they was angry with him.

Maybe it was the tension of the moment that increased with each reprimand from they that caused him to attack them, maybe it was anger or he just didn't know how to control himself. From one moment to the next Shamura fell to the ground, a warm liquid began to stain their face, the screams of their siblings could be heard in the distance and a sharp pain began to overwhelm them. Fear, anger, sadness, pain, they had never felt so many emotions at once, they didn't know whether to cry or scream, whether to get up or stay there, until suddenly everything went completely dark.

Shamura was cared for by their siblings until they was stable, but the pain from their wound was not the only thing that began to bother them. With it came severe headaches, vertigo, dizziness, and memory loss. Despite all that and the harm their beloved brother had caused them, deep down in their damaged heart, they still loved him.

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I haven't worked on this beyond the main concept yet, but I wanted to share it with you guys instead of just leaving it to writing and my imagination! I'm thinking about making a few comics about it, I have a lot of ideas I want to put down here. Thanks for reading!

#angst #cult of the lamb #cotl #cotl fanart #cotl shamura #cotl narinder #Shamura I love you pls don't cry #then i remembered i'm the one making angst about them lol

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americankimchi · 1 day ago

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dragon age veilguard review: spoilers for the entire game ahead

alright now that it's been a few days and i've had time to 1) get over the honeymoon phase and 2) really think on the game beyond the emotional high of the endgame mission/endgame choice, i can finally type this up

my final score for this game is 8/10, if you just care about that part and wanna skip the rest.

preface, i've only finished one playthrough as an elf mage grey warden, and played every companion/region quest*/side objective to completion**.

i played it on the underdog difficulty and it took me ~74 hours (i left the game open and went to do something else a few times, so it should probably read closer to ~70). this is a screenshot of the final auto-save after i beat the game

veeery long review under the cut ✌️

*exception being minrathous since i picked treviso instead, so the region quests got shafted

**didn't find all the chests or all the collectables, but i got close. also, i missed neve's first companion outing because i forgot to do it prior to the minrathous/treviso choice and didn't realize recruiting davrin was a cut-off point. aside from that i finished every quest i could grab my hands on.

OKAY SO i want to start this off by saying that i thoroughly enjoyed this game, enough to want to replay it again (i currently have two concurrent playthroughs as a dwarf shadow dragon and a human antivan crow going) and will probably be modding it to high heavens once that boat gets sailing, and that i believe it deserves that 8/10 score with all my heart. it was a great time.

that being said.

DIALOGUE REACTIVITY BASED OFF CHARACTER CREATION:

anyone who plays dragon age veilguard and only veilguard is getting a very surface level experience of what thedas is/has to offer culturally. i'm saying this because the excuse being "this is tevinter, why would it be the same as the southern half of thedas" isn't enough to explain a lot of gaping holes in the game's setting.

for instance, i played as an ELF MAGE GREY WARDEN in the middle of TEVINTER during a massive catastrophe brought about by the returned "ELVEN GODS"

having played all the games prior to dav, i did so because i knew that there would be

high tension with my PC being an elf in the notoriously cruel-to-elves country of tevinter, the old empire of which caused the fall of arlathan, and who enslaves elves to the point of it being a huge story beat for a previous companion (fenris)

a mage in a magocracy, where the script is flipped between mages and templars as compared to the south which recently went through years of a mage-templar war

a grey warden - their relevancy in thedas ended around 10 years ago due to corypheus basically tricking them all into hearing their calling, and 22 years prior veilguard during the fifth blight. at the beginning of the game, being a grey warden is more of a coincidental occupation than a narrative beat like it is in origins, but there's always something going on with the wardens so i picked it as a 'i'll pick this to experience the game first and then go for what i suspect is the best narratively relevant origin for my second playthrough' option

of the three descriptors, ELF/MAGE/GREY WARDEN, which do you think had the most story-relevant screen time?

that's right.

the grey warden one.

i won't say that there was nothing about being a mage, but i can remember probably on one hand where the option to chime in as a mage was relevant to what was being spoken about. (a conversation about spite, a conversation about scout harding's new abilities, and if there were more they weren't memorable enough for me to recall off the top of my head) which was fine on paper if you don't know anything about dragon age's entire deal wrt mages. i believe the only real mention about tensions between mages and templars happened in minrathous when we met up with neve's templar friend rana. i think the line reads something like "oh templars are just here to make sure the magic doesn't go out of hand. we don't even take lyrium like our southern counterparts" and then the game moves on to other things

which is crazy considering just how seriously the mage vs templar conflict was being leaned into for the previous three games, enough to the point where i was getting absolutely sick and tired of hearing about it. well the monkey's paw curls a finger because not only did i not hear about it, it felt like it never even happened.

TO BE FAIR: we're playing in tevinter (and antiva. and rivain. and the hossberg wetlands. and—well, you get the idea) and there's a general air of tevinter snooty superiority when they consider the 'south', so perhaps it wasn't fair for me to think "oh, they'd talk about it right? they'd bring it up more than once", but my being a mage seemed to just not even register for any characters in tevinter. not that i wanted them to roll out the red carpet or anything, but i can't remember a single moment where an NPC was like "oh right, you're a mage too". maybe they did, and i just don't remember it. but it didn't seem to matter at all.

but alright whatever, if we want to write that off as being "we're in tevinter. that has no bearing on circumstances here because it's a MAGOCRACY" fine i'll let it slide.

but the fact that my being an ELF didn't seem to be a Huge Deal when in tevinter threw me for a fucking loop. was there some sort of massive societal upheaval in the ten years between dragon age inquisition (dorian: i thought keeping slaves was fine as long as you treat them well) to veilguard (i found a single codex entry of a letter where dorian says "hey guys. we should stop keeping slaves. like genuinely what the fuck is wrong with us for even doing that in the first place") but the fact that NOBODY SEEMS TO BLINK AN EYE at my rook's elven heritage. ESPECIALLY since the main antagonists of this game are ALL ELVEN GODS seems like a wildly missed opportunity to introduce some tension. UNJUSTIFIED TENSION, but tension nonetheless.

the wardens had a lot of content, which both surprised and delighted me thoroughly. i'll never speak a word against them of course, and i did love how it showed that the wardens were here to do a job, and not play nice about it. the first warden was, in my humble opinion, one of the best characters in the entire game. annoying, gruff, called my rook warden basically the equivalent of a stupid rhino in a china shop not knowing what's best for the wardens/their oaths and impulsive in a way detrimental to everyone in his surroundings. literally one of my favorite lines happens when he and rook are beefing in the middle of the cobbled swan:

like. that was so satisfying.

the fact that the first warden isn't a villain, he's actually a fantastic grey warden. he'd sacrifice himself to kill an archdemon, and in fact "steals the glory" for himself. like was he an asshole during that exchange? yes, but it's undeniable that he was going to his death voluntarily and with a grim fervor. that's peak grey warden. nobody can say he'd ever shirk his duty. his character flaw was that he's a terrible leader, has the military tactics of a damp slice of toast, and generally doesn't inspire his subordinates to feel any sort of true loyalty to him. see here where my rook aggressively relieves him of duty and after a tense exchange where it seems like combat is about to start, evka saves the day by taking charge. and she does take charge pretty quick. nobody seems to really oppose the real quick promotion.

and then it's back to business as usual. archdemon trapping, anyone?

which was a problem i had with other factions in the game, namely the antivan crows. like yes, not every group is a monolith sharing the same ideals/morals/etc. but having played dragon age origins close to two decades prior where a massive point of contention was between zevran and the crows and the trauma that came from his upbringing as a crow... to then get thrown into treviso to see that the house we're dealing with is a bunch of leathery robin hoods was an unexpected turn. like. guys? weren't they villains? why are we all relatively good people (barring illario) here??? if anything, i thought that there'd be more politicking and backstabbing (literally and figuratively) but everything here seems kinda...... harmonious in comparison to whatever the fuck house arainai was doing. i might have missed a codex entry (i didn't read them all) explaining why the tonal shift happened, like maybe someone somewhere wrote about how house arainai imploded post-fifth blight when a crow went, well, rogue, and exposed the crows for the literal torture they put CHILDREN through, but nothing. like the game straight up lets an NPC whose name escapes me form a new house composed OF children at the end. like. what........ this isn't neverland, why are we forming the lost boys with knives here. hello??

on the other hand, i feel like the wardens had more options to expand on the fact that uh. yeah. grey wardens don't come from great backgrounds. like when you could conscript the mayor of d'meta's crossing much to everyone's displeasure, or the first warden actively being an obstacle to real progress (but not a villain! just extremely blind to the real dangers!), etc. etc. still not great in terms of "we employ literal murderers and criminals of every kind so we can toss them in the direction of darkspawn as a literal meat shield for thedas" but at least it's something.

but i digress. back to the point:

felt like the amount of dialogue options i had where i could bring up my warden expertise not only outstripped the mage/elf tags, but was so prevalent that sometimes it felt like the game was specifically catered to me being a grey warden. this is obviously just because i haven't played enough of the other origins to really feel out how much content they have in comparison, and it's partially just because of how obviously biased i am towards them as a group, but the FLAVOR of being a grey warden was present wherever i went. we'll see how well this opinion holds up after i finish my other two playthroughs.

THE COMBAT:

genuinely the best combat in the series. the fact that you can dodge-roll and more importantly PARRY in this game is an unexpected boon that i can't praise bioware enough for. the abilities themselves are smooth, the detonations provide a nice chunk of damage AND crowd control where you can just unload, and the damage types/weaknesses being a genuinely relevant part of the game to the point where if you have a lightning abilities/weapons equipped and you're facing down a hoard of antaam, you're going to have an extremely bad time*.

* on higher difficulties. i've heard on lower ones that it doesn't matter and you can just brute force your way through the game

i will say the "quick recovery" doesn't feel quick at all, even if i'm hitting the button for it frame-perfect, i can still get knocked down as the animation for quick recovery is going off, which was annoying. would've liked the i-frames to have saved me from getting turned into paste by the three ogres punching me down at the same time but alas.

also, they tend to target you even if you have a warrior (davrin/taash) on the team. unless you're actively casting taunt, they will run past your party members to hammer down on you. which was. annoying.

STILL I LOVED THE COMBAT, i went spellblade as a mage and my build was absolutely disgusting at the end. with a combination of fully stacked out duration+strike abilities, arcane bomb stacking abilities/weapons, and not even glancing at the other two trees for the majority of the game, i felt like i was a rogue that could conveniently cast chain lightning. it was crazy fun.

but also a steep learning curve. mythal took me 17 entire real life minutes to beat. LMAO.

i love that you don't need to restart the game if you want to play a different subclass, you can just refund your skill points and explore the game to your heart's content that way. not that i did, i picked one tree and stuck to it the entire game come hell or high water (or a lightning resistant high dragon 10 levels above me) and i had a blast with it.

THE STORY (THE EVANURIS, ROOK, & VARRIC):

hooooo boy. okay. this is going to be about the MAIN STORY ONLY, companion and region specific stuff will be in its own section later.

the writing for the main story was actually pretty enjoyable the further along in the game i got. every single main story mission was an incredibly cinematic experience; my favorite being the siege at weisshaupt mission—but only because it's kind of hard to quantify the endgame section as a 'mission' when it felt like an entire act on its own.

the amount of personality rook has was a breath of fresh air, and the voice acting for male british rook (alex jordan, who also coincidentally voices my favorite character in wuthering waves: jiyan♥) was SOOOO good. every line delivered felt like it matched the scene's energy/the personality i picked, so the flow of dialogue felt natural enough to be part of a tv show or movie.

although i do wish there was more option to be a little bit more of a bitch. a little rat bastard. not evil because i don't think dragon age would ever let you be evil in the way owlcat games lets you turn into a literal swarm of bugs consuming all (including companions) in its path, i thought there'd be a chance to be like. well. a little mean to people. i can be rude, but not mean. if that makes sense.

i do feel that rook was done a disservice by not having a hawke-like session 0 where we can see, precisely, why they're already so attached to varric and scout harding, but maybe that was left on the cutting room floor. i'm not a fan of tell don't show, so the game telling me "hey remember when you and varric did this thing that we're not going to actually show you" was pretty annoying. i wasn't expecting a dragon age origins-type prologue segment where i move through the world as a warden pre-veilguard, but i do wish we had like. a short cutscene flashback sequence or something to really immerse myself into the character. like let me put my shoes on before i start running the race!

still though rook felt really present in the story. like they slotted really nicely and smoothly into the leadership position which. i mean yeah who else, right? even though they did have plot armor in the sense that i didn't really understand (in-universe) why ghilan'nain and elgar'nan didn't just squish my rook into a pulp and scrape the dagger off the smear he became every time they came face to face... i suppose we wouldn't have a game, otherwise lolol

moving swiftly on, the boss fights felt appropriately built up to, and never did i feel like i was woefully unprepared for the task set up before me (although i must admit i was slightly taken aback by the three-headed hydra at weisshaupt. delightfully so, but it did stunlock me for a few seconds sjkhfj)

from the prologue -> endgame, i suspected something was off about varric once i realized "hey, how come nobody's talking to him anymore?" while the answer of "varric is actually a manifestation in rook's mind caused by solas trying to mold him into someone who could replace solas in the fade prison he crafted" was admittedly beyond the scope of what i came up with:

1. everyone in this game is a monumental asshole (funny, but disappointing narratively)

2. he died but bc he died next to the fade magic + we live in the fade now he's just a ghost only rook can see?? (true, but to the left)

i didn't really consider solas had a hand in it which is funny as hell considering. well. blood magic was mentioned at the very start of the game by solas himself

the reveal was very satisfying, and on my current playthroughs it's very entertaining to see everyone (especially solas, but my companions too) very carefully skirt the subject of varric's death by speaking about it in terms oblique enough that everyone in the know understands it as 'varric is fucking dead' vs. rook's manipulated memories understands it as 'varric is laid up in the infirmary'

the evanuris were very well designed, ghilan'nain being a creepy flesh centipede woman with tentacles and blight covering her head to toe was genuinely one of the most refreshing villain designs i've ever seen. elgar'nan was comparatively boring, but considering his whole deal is to be the elven god of tyranny having him just be a conventionally attractive man was a statement in and of itself.

their boss fights were standard, elgar'nan's being the easier of the two specifically because i wasn't trying to haul my ass through waves of darkspawn, but even ghilan'nain's wasn't that hard either considering all i really needed to to was burst some blight growths and could fully ignore the darkspawn if i wanted to. i had more trouble fighting the demon of desperation in minrathous than i did the story boss fights, but that was a trend for most games i feel. the side objectives containing the optional, harder fights and the mandatory quests softening the blow from the main story bosses so the player can get through them at a steady pace.

i do feel like the majority of the story was well written, but suffered greatly from pacing issues brought about by the format of the game itself. while there was a steady pressure brought about by the urgency needed to stop them from crafting the red lyrium dagger, the fact that i could just wander about the world picking up and completing side quests at my leisure before tackling the broader problem at hand did have me slightly confused about how long the game's time frame really was. i think it takes place over the course of a few months, or maybe a year total? if it was mentioned, it went straight over my head.

though i suppose that's a problem most RPGs have—the risk of allowing the player to have agency in picking what to do next means that. well sometimes they can spend hours trying to pick up every collectible while minrathous burns in the background.

though i did wish there was more dalish presence in a game focusing around the elven gods. like i know the veil jumpers are in the game as a faction but. they don't really feel dalish. they just feel like a bunch of archeologists who happen to be elves. a bit of a disappointment, there. also, they were constantly imperiled by something which really put a damper on the "we are also a competent group of people" vibe that i got from pretty much everyone else. the dalish aesthetic was just that, aesthetic. the veil jumpers being posted up in arlathan forest just seemed like they were there due to their occupation and not their heritage. bellara goes into it a little bit through her quest line, but i don't know. there wasn't that sense of unity and closed ranks the way it felt in da:o and da2. the less we speak of the dalish in da:i the better.

as for solas himself, i'm positive that the way you speak to him reflects his demeanor to you over the course of the game (i picked every aggressive/stoic option i possibly could, and the results i got were extremely entertaining; i have so many recorded videos of rook and solas duking it out but due to size constraints i haven't uploaded them anywhere ajkjdj) but at one point they went from "actively antagonistic" to "actively antagonistic but with begrudging respect"... on the side of solas. my rook was extremely honest about hating him every step of the way. extremely honest.

still, i loved how the game kept track of the progression of their relationship. the way every time a new talk with solas started i'd see a little "yeah last time you kept yelling at each other so we're keeping that energy" popup on the side of my screen. the way rook and solas could constantly. well i don't want to call it 'banter' because at every given point my rook would call him out on his bullshit and solas would strike back with a precise cut deep enough to bleed, watching them snipe at each other so aggressively vs. what i suspect is a much softer and more amicable conversation if you go the more diplomatic route was nice to see.

during endgame, since i completed every side objective (the solas's regrets chain of quests + the mythal encounter/fight) i had the option to:

deceive him by giving him a fake prop of his dagger

convince him to stop (unlockable by doing the aforementioned quest chain)

fuck it we ball; 1v1 me right now you bald bitch

obviously, i threw aside all other options and went for the 1v1. when i say i was HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER watching my rook go "I BEEN WAITING FOR THIS" and throw a haymaker to the face........... /wipes tear. it was beautiful. and then my rook STABBED HIM IN THE GUT, SEALING HIM INTO THE FADE FOREVER??? ten years i waited for this. ten YEARS. HALLELUJAH.

though it is very funny after all those years of seeing posts like "UMMM ACTUALLY THE VEIL SHOULD COME DOWN" and then the game is like "nah. that shit stayin up for a while" like kjHDJKLSHGFJK

anyways. i enjoyed stabbing him and watching him get yoinked into the fade. i'll do the merciful ending eventually but i had to do it to him at least once.👍

THE COMPANIONS:

though obviously i have a few characters who i enjoyed more than the others, i did like all of them!!

taash's questline was very good in terms of the cultural aspect (i can relate to feeling torn between two worlds) but the gender identity was somehow both heartwarming and. extremely awkward. it felt a little bit like watching an intro to gender studies 101 powerpoint presentation. like i suppose it was to explain the concept of being nonbinary to people who've never considered gender beyond what color cake to buy for a baby shower, but it did have me raising an eyebrow a few times. not in a bad way but in a very "this is obviously catered to people who don't know a thing about it, and i appreciate that bc it serves as a nice jumping off point for people to really get to know more, but it is a little clumsy in execution". i think my favorite scene for taash is when they're with neve in the dining room talking about how "nobody REALLY likes being a woman" and neve's just there like. oh. you sweet summer child. JKHDSKLAGHFGJ THAT WAS SO GOOD!! but i think the strongest part of their character arc was them trying to figure out who they are in relation to their cultural identity. especially the bit where they fought with their mom about it alllll the time. like where my second generation kids who don't really relate to their ethnic background at!!!!! RISE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!

the way i had to google if i was first or second gen. apparently it's "first to be natively born in a country = second gen" so i'm going with that

and the scene where they're screaming "TAMAAA" when shathann dies...... bro i teared up. i ain't ashamed about it. that was heartbreaking af.

still uh. it was kinda funny (read: eyebrow raising) that a character whose entire arc is coming to grips with multiculturalism and a break from the gender binary..... ends up being presented with a binary choice on whether or not to pursue their connections to their qunari heritage or their rivaini roots. like uh. guys. guys??? why do we have to pick??? aint the whole point of multiculturalism is that it's. uh. multicultural??? i suppose you could argue that it's the "oh you're just supporting taash into embracing a specific part of their culture, you're not really telling them to abandon the other!" but like. eh. EHHHHHHH. it didn't FEEL like that. esp. when it's presented as an either-or scenario.

THEIR PARTY BANTER WITH LUCANIS WAS THEEEE FUNNIEST SERIES OF LINES. i love those two together omg. and taash + scout harding!!! wagh!!!!

EDIT: i was gonna add a section abt the lords of fortune for taash's segment but forgot. which is very on brand bc they were forgettable at best and invisible at worst throughout the entire game. i don't want to say that they were irrelevant but like. uh. yeah. 💀💀

neve. neve neve neve. has hands down the absolute worst voice acting in the entire game. like i'm sorry to say that every single line was monotonous and genuinely lacking in any real connection to the words being said. i have to wonder if the voice actor for neve isn't used to working in a booth and more on camera, because truly with every line she spoke i became more and more disinterested with the conversation. the concept of a mage detective in the depths of minrathous rooting out corruption sounds so compelling, and it was, but unfortunately any deeper connection i could've forged with neve was hamstrung by the fact that i was bored to tears by the voice acting. even the conflict generated between my rook and neve due to him picking treviso (an obvious choice for a warden. they were going to blight the waterways) fell flat. because the lines were delivered flat. disappointing, considering how interesting the content of the game she features in is. like the sequence where i'm running through run-down ruins with NPCs tethered by their own blood jetting out of their bodies as they function as living speakerphones for a blood mage hell bent on revitalizing minrathous in her own twisted way. that's sick as hell. it WAS sick as hell. i loved every second of that. i just didn't love neve's voice acting. a shame, bc i was really excited about her pre-release. :(

scout harding's questline confused me not because of the content, but because it felt like this should've been a separate game entirely?? like why are we discussing the tranquilized titans and their horrific half-dead, half-dreaming state solely through the lens of a companion quest? why aren't we visiting orzammar or kal-sharok for more than 2 minutes and talking about the fact that the lyrium they've been mining for centuries is the blood of their ancestors?? like it's mentioned once or twice, but only during side-quests. like the solas's regrets quest chain or scout harding's companion quests. like isn't this a huge deal? why are we slotting this into a game about the elven gods?? the reveal that the evanuris essentially genocided the titans in order to craft their own bodies is a tale of horrific violence and violation and we........ just kinda. don't talk about it? after scout harding's quest is over? and the fugliest armor set known to man is unlocked? (toes. why does her armor have TOES.)

i did appreciate the fact that the game let us tell her that her anger was justified bc like. ngl if i learned all that and then the only option presented to me was to forgive the fuckers that did it i think i'd go crazy.

aside from that weirdness, scout harding is bestie. i love her. sorry that i KILLED HER OFF THOUGH!!! WHAT!!! okay unironically though i love that. i love that you can PERMANENTLY kill someone off. it adds depth. it adds STAKES. i wish more people would've died at the end. like bellara just being. fine? after being trapped in blight for who knows how long was baffling as hell. like she's not FINE but she's not dead. crazy stuff. how does being a warden sound bellara. u got a swift career change ahead of u. my rook's a warden tho he'll put in a good word for u dw

SPEAKING OF BELLARA. her questline was sad as hell but also like. how many times am i going to deal with cyrian bro like why couldn't we just knock his ass out. i know for the plot he has to keep going back to his evil masked ghost overlord anaris but like. eh.

his death scene was very sad though. bellara :((

CYRIAN UNMASKED LOWKEY....... KINDA FINE THO..... 👀

same as scout harding's i wish bellara's whole thing had more to do with the dalish. NOT THAT IT WASN'T I MEAN IT WAS ALL ABOUT BEING DALISH but it was more veil jumper than anything. man the veil jumpers were disappointing. just a faction built to fumble at any given chance. the only competent person is bellara and she's on the squad........... whole faction just fell apart without her 💀💀

bellara is my cutie pie bestie babygirl though <33 im so excited to romance her WAUGHHH even if i hate her hairstyle like girl what the hell is that on the back of your head!!!! they had to nerf her otherwise she'd be the Perfect Companion 😔💞

emmrich was sooo sweet. literally just an amiable old man on a journey to help his friends and students and his BONE SON!!!! SKELETON CHILD....... manfred my love......... unfortunately i did honor manfred's noble sacrifice and help emmrich into becoming a lich but like. that shit. feels like it should've been saved for post-game, somehow?? like in the veilguard equivalent of a trespasser or whatever. like what do you mean we just have an immortal lich companion just chillin. just vibin outta the necropolis. is that allowed?? are there other liches outside the necropolis???

???

the drip is immaculate though ngl. he easily clears everyone else's veilguard outfits <-she has only seen half of them due to only having the one finished playthrough

i didn't really use him much outside of his companion quests + fighting undead, so i don't know much about him with regards to party banter. sorry emmrich ;-;

davrin was. oh my goodness. have you ever seen a man so beautiful. the soulful brown eyes. the jawline strong enough to cut diamond. the EXPOSED CHEST. GOOD HEAVENS..... /SWOONS

literally the dreamiest dragon age companion ever like im sorry he clears literally everyone else ever made. and i say that even with zevran existing in the universe. (if silver fox zevran had at any point showed up in this game this opinion would swiftly change.)

i didn't romance him and i regret it bc i feel like there would've been something to the whole brothers in arms -> you and i are the only two people on this team who perfectly understand each other; you and i are dead men walking but we go to our blighted graves with grim smiles and clear eyes; should the calling come for one of us, it will end up claiming two, etc etc—unfortunately you recruit lucanis first and i didn't pivot 🫡

THE ONLY COMPLAINT I HAVE FOR DAVRIN: his entire arc focuses around assan. not JUST assan, like assan is the conduit through which davrin works through a lot of stuff, but it feels like. well i don't think there was a single scene where assan wasn't there. which makes sense because GRIFFONS. MY GOD. THEY'RE BACK. but also. i feel like if davrin had some space from assan in like a single mission/quest/etc. it would've been good. absence making the heart grow fonder and all. like i'd kill and die for assan but like 60% of the way through davrin's arc i was lowkey getting tired of it all being about our favorite bird son.

lucanis.... lucanis lucanis lucanis. he's the one my rook romanced and uh....... i'm gonna be honest. i wasn't really feeling like i was in a romance at all until the very end of the game. there's a line where lucanis was like "that's what i love about you" or whatever and i was like. huh? what? when was this established? i don't think we ever had a conversation or an event that would lead to this conclusion??? did i skip it? did i forget??? taps game is this thing on???

like i'm not saying the romance was BAD. (aside from some questionable animation choices. like why was lucanis standing so close to my rook like BACK UPPPPPP 😭😭)

all of the romance scenes were sweet and enjoyable and full of typical Bioware Cringe Romance Lines™ (affectionate) (honorary) but it did feel a little like. 80% of the game we had tepid to mildly reciprocal reactions to any of rook's flirtatious dialogue choices, and then when i got the choice to lock in the romance for lucanis it's like. OKAY HIT THE GAS, BUDDY! IT'S TIME TO FLOOR IT. 0->100 in an instant. i love a slowburn, but this was less of a slowburn and more me silently watching a mile long fuse burn up for like 60 hours until it thunderously explodes all at once.

unrelated but why does rook not have a bed in his room. why is it just a couch. they were suckin' n' fuckin' on an ancient elven la-z-boy in the fade. amazing stuff.

ASIDE FROM THE WEIRD PACING ISSUES I EXPERIENCED (hopefully it wasn't universal) THE ROMANCE WAS SWEET. 10/10 WOULD RECOMMEND

as for his personal character arc. why the hell did lucanis become first talon??? like speaking as someone who found out post-game that he straight up SAYS in his tevinter nights short story that he doesn't want to be first talon. at no point in the game did i think "yeah this guy is fit for and desires a position of authority" like um. viago is right there. i could see the argument if treviso was blighted (don't know if teia and viago survive that; i saved treviso in my playthrough) but like. VIAGO (AND TEIA!) ARE RIGHT THERE BRO...............

him not killing illario is whatever i can understand not wanting to have the blood of family on your hands. it's the becoming first talon that's crazy. although i suppose the whole filial duty to caterina angle........ but since when was the antivan crow org following the right of primogeniture??? WHATEVERRR

also. antivan crows?? are not a moral organization??? what happened between da:o --> veilguard. why are they all robin hoods. weren't they child slavers who mercilessly tortured them into becoming assassins. there's an argument for "oh that was just house arainai" but i was expecting more morally gray/amoral assassins for hire and less "TREVISO WILL BE FREE. DOWN WITH TYRANNY" like huh???? are we red jennies all of a sudden. are we shadow dragons. whats goin on here.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

wow that's a lot. girl has a phd in yaponomics fr. at the end of the day, veilguard is a good game. i mean, i'm playing again it right now on nightmare mode this time. (CALIVAN'S FIGHT.......... WHAT THE FUCK................ i didn't die to his little minions OR to his pride demon summon i kept dying to his fuckass sextuple cast magic missiles that get spammed constantly like BRO CAN YOU RELAX. CHILL BRO CHIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS!!!!!!!)

i think this game could easily make space for a few more DLC, something like trespasser or mass effect's citadel DLC. hopefully they do because the epilogue slides were PITIFUL. PALTRY. and dare i say? PATHETIC. the romance slide for lucanis and rook being a single line of dialogue that they split between them. i was gobsmacked.

dragon age i say this because i love you and i have loved you for so long and will love you forever: BRING BACK WORLDSTATES. PLEASE. I DON'T NEED A MASSIVE CALLBACK. I DON'T NEED CUTSCENES. I WOULD BE CONTENT WITH THROWAWAY DIALOGUE. WITH A CODEX ENTRY. A LETTER SENT IN-GAME. PLEASE. BRING BACK WORLDSTATES AUGHHHH

although i don't think it'll matter bc if i'm reading those hints right we're going across the sea in the next game to deal with the uh. what was it called? something storm?? that the qunari were running from or whatever???? so i dont think anything we did here in thedas matters. it'll be like me:a except. you know. dragon age.

WAIT. PAUSE. THIS GAME HAS A SECRET ENDING??? <-SHE JUST GOOGLED "DRAGON AGE STORM"

FOR FUCK'S SAKE. WELL THAT'S ON THE TO-DO LIST NEXT THEN.

anyways i love this game. 8/10 would get my ass beat by the demon of desperation and its 5 billion summoned minions again 👍

#personal #I HOPE THIS IS LEGIBLE 👍👍👍#dragon age #liveblogging dragon age #liveblogging dav #dragon age spoilers #veilguard spoilers #unrelated to this review but i keep taking screenshots of my current rook T-posing in the middle of the lighthouse.#he's just so beautiful. i've really outdone myself

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