#i think i will also have slept weird for two days in a row which isn't helping. oh well

[chemicalbrew]

I can't sleep and I had a miserable time today going through my backlog whee

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: Episode 5 Preview (A walk in Sand's 'Rough & Dusty' World)

I'm really looking forward to where Episode 5 is taking us with Ray and Sand's storyline. This almost feels like the proper start to these two as a 'couple'. Having seen more to Ray last week, we're now getting a better insight into Sand's life, which looks peppered with sweet and spicy moments throughout.

We start with breakfast at Sand's. Can we safely assume this is a morning after scene, which means they slept together again? (How adorable does Ray look whilst he peeks into the kitchen? He's an actual child, I weep).

At the end of Episode 4, Ray seems to have arrived at the conclusion that he's now open to the idea of welcoming Sand into his life, and being more sincere about their (cough) 'friendship'. And with that, he intends to make more of a conscious effort, to show he has taken on board what Sand said.

So Ray suggests they spend the day together, "Can I stay with you? I wanna get to know you better." (A nice parallel to Ray's usual 'stay with me') It's an immediate indication that someone is starting to take you seriously, because they are initiating opportunities to see your world, to understand your perspective - to better appreciate all the things that make you who you are.

So far, Sand has mainly operated in Ray's world when they've crossed paths. Ray knows very little of Sand's life, other than his job as a bar singer. The fact that Ray is taking an active interest is a huge step. This isn't 'I'm paying or begging you to spend time with me' (aka Ray wanting Sand to keep him company), it's 'I want to spend time with you' (I'm keeping you company). That's a very notable distinction.

This request also means that Sand will be leading the day's activities, with Ray following along. That's another role reversal of how their dynamic has played out so far. Ray is the one who dictates what he'd like to do, and he persuades Sand to agree. Giving Sand full control is another example of Ray welcoming his opinion and preferences. It's a sign of moving towards more equality and balance in their relationship.

(How powerful is Sand in the leather jacket? The whole riding a motorbike together screams boyfriend energy).

Try to stay sane folks, because we should also be getting THIS notorious scene. It looks like they're in a changing room but who knows, maybe Sand has a weird privacy corner in his flat? The shirt Ray wears for the rest of the episode is hanging on the wall. We get Sand changing Ray (because his role as Ray's caretaker reigns supreme), and whilst doing so, he goes in for a cheeky fondle.

Sand continues to open Ray's eyes through music at a gig, which is a nice continuation of the lovely scene they shared at the record store. They also return to the go-go bar, where Ray publicly serenades our resident singer?

And we'll bear witness to Sand falling more and more visibly in love by the second. It's just as Mew called it - Ray should be a ray of sunshine and that's exactly the way Sand looks at him. That gaze is full of warmth and awe. Sand is completely aware of Ray's faults and bad habits, because he saw those first and upfront. And yet he sees Ray beaming underneath, despite all those things.

(As a side note to Ray - the superficial attention of many doesn't come close when compared against the all-encompassing attention of just one. Do you see how that man looks at you??)

After a long day out of playing actual boyfriends, they have a quiet, steamy make out session on Sand's balcony. Having had Ray accompany him all day, there's no doubt Sand is even more head over heels now.

If they did indeed sleep together the previous night and were gunning for 2 in a row, I really don't think you can shirk that off as 'friendship' anymore. I don't care how deep or convincing you think your denial is.

Aaaand OH. It was only a matter of time before this inevitably happened. Either Sand would walk in on Boston/Nick wildin', or they would catch him and Ray doing the dirty. My worry is how Boston is going to react, because not only has Top given him the cold shoulder, Ray is swiftly veering off his plan and how he ideally wanted to manipulate the situation. In a desperate bid to clutch at straws, I really hope Boston doesn't try to stir shit up with Sand instead (in regards to that Ray and Mew kiss).

Boston, you better steer well clear of our unproblematic couple. Let them be happy without the fuckery that is your mind games.

(Ray's expression cracked me up. He looks completely out of it 'Huh? What's happening? Who dis?' Boy was so consumed in kissing Sand, he forgot who he was).

[pbandjesse]

Happy Halloween!! This is our first year in our house for the holiday and we have had a few trick or treaters and it makes me so happy. I put a sign in the door for people to ring the bell. And it just has made me so happy.

And today was a really good day. I was so stressed out but everything would work out totally fine.

I slept fine. The newly stuffed pillows helped a lot I think. I was much more comfortable. I still woke up a few times but it wasn't to bad.

I woke up at 9 again. And I would slowly get up. I made the bed and took a shower. I rewet my hair and it dried much better then it had yesterday and I felt better about how I looked. I would feel really cute today.

I love this two piece set. I did not love that it was 80 degrees on Halloween but at least this outfit worked for it.

I had breakfast and worked on sewing froggie legs. I made sure Crabcake ate. And I have Sweetp his special birthday breakfast or cream cheese, sour cream, over a bunch of crunchy treats. He's ten years old now! Absolutely wild. I love him so very much and I feel so lucky that I've had him for so long. His literal entire life. I spent a lot of time today just letting and scratching him and telling him how special and good he is. He is the best cat anyone could ask for.

I would sit outside and sew for a bit. I got two more rows of my puff quilt done. I listened to my podcast and enjoyed how beautiful it was outside. Even if it absolutely should not be this warm the day before November.

I was getting very anxious. Which was making my stomach hurt a lot. I went upstairs to lay down for an hour before I needed to leave. I had a yogurt. And tried to think through all of my fears. Is baby alive? Is baby a girl? Is there a surprise two babies??? Like those things were just rattling around in my head.

Before every appointment I just feel like I have to get anything done I wouldn't be able to do if something had gone wrong. Joyful things. Cleaning things. I don't know why that's where my brain goes but it is. So I cleaned up the house. I worked on my projects. I tried to not be focused on my fears. I talked to my belly and just asked them to be okay.

I left here at 1215 to go to the parking garage. It's a 7 minute drive. James left the museum around then too and would be locking up their bike as I was parking. I hate parking garages but I got a fine spot near the stairs and walked the two blocks, uphill, to find my husband.

James made a fuss about how pretty I looked. I liked their Halloween shirt and socks. They looked so cute. And we got inside and didn't feel as lost as last time. Though we struggled to figure out how to open the clinics door but we figured it out.

We had to wait a little while. Everyone was at lunch. But we would get called back soon. Me and James were both pretty emotionally tired and nervous. I was also really struggling the understand the girl at the front desk. Between the plastic divider and her mask and her quiet voice I was struggling. But soon enough we were taken to the room.

I was scared. But as soon as she was on the screen I felt better. We saw her heart right away. I don't think this ultrasound went as well as the last one there. She was sitting kind of to the side in a weird way. The tech also pushed the probe thing way to hard and was legit hurting me a bit. But I tried not to complain. I just wanted to see my baby as much as possible.

It took a while to get confirmation because she had her legs crossed. But after I got jul and walked around a little bit she moved enough that we are sure now she's a girl. And she had all the right bones. And organs working. And we even got one 3D image. I wasn't entirely sure what I was looking at at first. But there she was. Our little baby.

I kept making jokes at first. About seeing a skeleton on Halloween. Creepy eyeballs. But soon I just had little bit of tears coming out and just wanted to watch.

The room was dark and cold though and me and James both were struggling to stay awake by the end of the appointment. James would be a nice support but they also were looking at their phone when the were nodding off or to emotional. Silly. I think we also both got so tired because of the drop in the anxiety once we saw she was fine. She was turning around and moving and kicking me. And it was just. A relief.

We had to wait a few minutes for the tech to confirm that we were looking good. Where I asked if we could please go to Friendly's for dinner. Something that is absolutely out of the way but I desperately wanted. James said yes. And once we made our next appointment for a month from now, we were off.

James was so tired and was getting frustrated putting their bike on the car. But I was just happy to be with them. And then we drove out to dundalk.

And Friendly's was great. It was an old school one, no updates there. Which I found very comforting. We got our sodas and sandwiches and had a mostly quiet meal. Just listening to people around us. And enjoying our food.

We headed back to our neighborhood after eating. I was in a really good mood but I was also tired. We still needed to stop at the grocery store and get our Halloween pictures done. And we were right on my mental schedule. Excellent.

We got the few things we needed from the grocery store. Milk and orange juice and cookies and gummy prenatals. Which were $25!! But also buy one get one free so I can across the store to go get the second bottle. Hopefully these ones don't make me throw up.

We went home after that. Got an excellent parking spot in front of our house. Showed out neighbor the ultrasound pictures. She congratulated us on baby girl. I am very excited for the confirmation.

We would pretty quickly go and get changed into our costumes. We have been planning the Juno costume for weeks. And I think we did an excellent job!! Especially since we just used things we already had. We struggled with the setting sun making weird shadows but we figure fit out. And I felt like we really knocked it out of the park. It made me feel really happy.

But also I was way to hot in that hoodie. I was wearing James's jeans too!! To hot.

So I went and got changed. I made a sign for our front door for trick or treaters. And put out candy bowl together. James only bought chocolate so I put some mints and fruit leather in there. Which the teens who came to the door were super excited about so that made me really happy.

I was feeling exhausted though. I laid on the couch and scrolled on my phone and waited for trick or treaters. James went upstairs to work on painting our baby room. They got most of the one wall done with its first coat. I am thrilled. We still need to color match the other two walls but I'm very happy with what has been accomplished.

James would come downstairs and we played a visual novel video game. I was just enjoying James reading the narration out loud to me. I love my husband so much.

Sweetp was trying to steal my jolly rancher. But mostly just wanted to be scritched and pet. And I did that for most of an hour until my allergies became unbearable.

I took some meds. And stayed downstairs until James was getting ready to do their podcast. And I went upstairs to change out my earrings (bye bye Halloween set). And would take a shower and put eye drops in and slowly would feel a lot better.

I changed into a big T-shirt. James became in charge of the trick or treaters. And we would get another group and they were so cute. But I think I just heard James take the sign down. And so that is the end of that for this year's. I think it was a successful Halloween! Sweetp's birthday, seeing our baby, the anniversary of us starting to look for a house, and making our pregnancy announcements on social media! It was a very full day.

Now it is time for rest. Tomorrow James says I need to stop pushing myself so hard and to rest because this upcoming week is very full. And they aren't wrong. So tomorrow I hope to just chill. And it will be a good day.

I love you all very much. Sleep well my friends. Goodnight!!

[jodilin65]

Haha, this is horribly childish of me but I guess the prankster in me can never fully retire. I’m kind of messing with Kim now. Speech-to-text works best on my phone but I’m not always by my phone. I’m also not always on the laptop which works better than my desktop. So I decided that whenever I’m talk-typing on my desktop I will do it in an e-mail since that seems to be the one that works best compared to in Word or Google Docs. Rather than do drafts that I discard, I figure why not drop copies on Kim, right? LOL. Not sure she’ll get it, though, because there have been issues sending emails to those with different email providers in the past.

I deleted the Gmail tracker because it was hit or miss. I tested a couple of emails on Tom and the first one showed it was opened but the second one didn’t even though he did open it. So the messages I sent Kim shortly after realizing I’d been ghosted were probably opened as well.

Fucking honker’s mutt gave a few loud barks out the lanai at 5:30 in the morning. Again, too noticeable. Go home!

Tom is definitely going to have to get a different primary care doctor. He got to his appointment at 9:00 and was still waiting at 11:00. Finally, he just left. Luckily, he still has refills on his medication. This doctor has always made him wait a long time but this was the first time he failed to show up at all. I would be pissed.

My jaw is a little sore today and my TMJ is acting up like crazy. I don’t know if that’s because my surgically-created ear canal is due to be cleaned or if it’s because of the mouthguard. I would still rather that than be tired. Even though the spikes are back I feel rested enough. I had a little tired spell come over me a little while ago and I laid down for a few minutes, got up, made a smoothie, and now I’m okay. To finish up my almond milk, I made a strawberry banana smoothie yesterday. Today’s smoothie was cucumbers and raspberries. It was a little weird. I think my next one will be banana blueberry and then banana peanut butter.

I was telling Tom just yesterday that I miss remembering my dreams as often as I used to even if most of them were negative because I would sometimes get good story ideas from them. I remember two dreams I had last night, one weird, one bad.

Tom and I slept together in the weird dream, and he was still working. He got up and went to work. We were living in some kind of apartment building with a boutique on the ground floor. I went down and browsed around the store when I came across what looked like an amazing sex toy. Eager to try it out, I purchased it and took it upstairs. I crept into our bedroom which was still dark because the blackout drapes were closed and sat on a velvety bench at the foot of the bed. But instead of sitting on the bench, I sat on Tom’s foot which was hanging off the foot of the bed. He woke up and I asked him what he was doing in bed, and he said he worked all day and was tired. I was totally confused because I thought he had just gotten up and left. The dream ended with me trying to figure out where all those missing hours had gone.

In the bad dream, I was walking through a mall by myself when I heard what sounded like intermittent bursts of a machine gun. My first thought was that gangs were shooting up each other. This started while I was at one end of the mall but as I walked deeper into the mall, I realized the sound faded. So I turned back and walked to the end of the mall and opened a door with an exit sign above it. That was when I realized the shots were coming from outside but not on the ground. I looked up and saw dozens of similar-looking white planes that were a little smaller than a standard commercial plane all flying in neat little rows forming a grid. They were shooting down at the ground. Oddly enough, I wasn’t scared. I simply went back inside the mall.

[eltomimi]

Today is the last session of a dnd campaign I started with my friends like 3 years ago. And I think my character is going to die.

Viliria is a level 11 Valor Bard. We started the campaign when she was just level 3.

Back then she was a versatile fighter, she could keep up with damage with other martials but also had spells like Healing Word and Lesser Restoration to keep the rest of the party in the fight. She had an AC of 18 and the Tough feat, meaning she could make time for the party to recover if necessary.

She was a Jack of All Trades and master of none, every party member could do one thing she could do a lot better. But her versatility was the reason she was fun to play, every turn there were a lot of things she could do to help. Every choice mattered.

As the adventure progressed a pattern started to emerge though. All of the magic items we found were kept by other members of the party. The Fighter, Artificer and Rogue got the weapons and armor, which meant that Viliria was getting left behind in those aspects.

Even though she was getting stronger, relative to everything else she was getting weaker. Time passed and she could not keep up in damage anymore, she also could not make time by tanking a little while. Everything got too deadly too fast (The party is full of optimizers too, so the GM also compensated by adding stronger monsters with more HP and Damage).

Along the way we lost two party members she was very attached to: the rogue, who was kind of a sibling to her, ran away from the party because he needed a change of pace; and the cleric rolled badly 3 or 4 times in a row and turned into a monster.

These was pretty hard losses for her, she cared a lot about them both. And as the cleric died, she became the only caster in the group, which was the beginning of the pressure. Suddenly she had to save her spells more than ever, if she miss-used one of them it could mean death.

She became level 9 and her AC was still 18, which meant enemies cached up to her. While her magic was growing stronger I (the player) only picked spells that matched her vibe. Which was good for roleplaying and identity, but pretty bad for combat. I didn't take spells like Polymorph, Hypnotic Pattern, or Animate Objects which are super strong.

The initial campaign was Curse of Strahd, I won't spoil the module. All you have to know is that in Curse of Strahd you are trapped, you don't have the freedom to leave the region where you are (you'll understand on session 1 if you play the module.).

The thing is, Viliria wanted to retire after they were done with Strahd (if they survived). That was what kept her going, she wanted to see her family again, she wanted to pay the scolarship of her little brother.

And they managed to defeat Strahd and were free.

After that, the party went to a local fair to celebrate, and have a silly time for the first time in what felt like years. It was a really nice session.

However, by the end of the day, Viliria met her parents and they told her that her brother had been kidnapped. There went the plans of retiring.

After investigating, the party found that the kidnapper had similar powers to Strahd and was related to the Cleric who died. Maybe it was the monster he became after death.

So the party embarked on another adventure, but this adventure quickly became too much for Viliria.

By now, enemies could do half her health in a single turn of combat, her AC was still 18. All she could do was use magic from afar. (Our gm also told us after strahd that he didn't wanted us to increase our AC any more than what we had)

So yeah, Viliria came to an adventure where anything could kill her if they looked at her weird. She felt weaker every day, and not only in combat, her out-of-combat magic also started having less effect.

She once tried to use Sleep at level 2 to sleep 5 commoners who were harrasing a lady, she rolled a 28 and slept only 3 of them. None of the commoners were important people, they were just random npcs with no features.

For context, commoners usually have 4 hp, and sleep rolls an amount of hp to sleep. Which meant a 28 should sleep 7 people.

As she felt weaker everyday, and everything else was stronger, she started to feel in constant danger. Every day was another combat and another chance to die.

After a while in the adventure, she found out that her selfish asshole sister had her brother as a slave in a city far away. And as the group started to head that way, she started to have the thought "What if I don't save him? He has at least survived with her so far. What if he's safer with her than with me?"

Those thoughts only grew stronger as they got closer to the city her sister was. Last combat she was immediately critted and left in 8 hp, from full in one hit. The second to last, she had to spend 3 turns to find a torch, light it up and pass it to a party member to kill some enemies that regenerated if not hit with fire. That same combat the artificer casted haste and did all she did and attacked in a single turn.

She has around half the dps of other martials in the group given they spend no resources in their turn. Her only magic item is a +1 sword that can cast Crusader's Mantle once per day (which fights for the concentration spot with other spells).

Right now they have to escape a coloseum that has at least 4 archwizards I think. And she has only one 4th level, one 2nd level and three 1st level spell slots.

She has no hit dice left, no bardic inspiration, half her hp, and the guards in this coloseum have anti illusion magic googles. So yeah, little chance to escape, and if she fights in combat she will die.

-

I think she dies today. I've thought of some scenarios of how that can happen, as well as her last words on each of them.

What would her last words be for everyone in the party, for her brother, for her asshole sister and her parents.

I think I'm satisfied with all the scenarios I've thinked of. It's a miracle that she has come this far. I had a lot of fun playing her, and after all this time, I think I'm ready to let her go.

I wish that after death she can finally rest, she deserves it.

[werehamburglar]

[IMAGE ID 1: a series of eleven comments from a larger exchange between users werehamburglar and crippled-peeper. crippled-peeper is the original poster. werehamburglar’s first comment in the exchange is marked “3h ago” and reads, “@ crippled-peeper dude, your post is correct, but you’re being an asshole. stop putting words in people’s mouths.” crippled-peeper’s first reply is the second message in the exchange and reads, “@werehamburglar fascinating I don’t give a fuck. eat shit you crying ableist loser.” werehamburglar replies, “you’re right that the fad is taking away access to an ostensibly very accessible form of the thickener, and that is a problem, but you keep putting words into the mouths of people who agree with you on everything except the fact of access via a metric shitton of water thickener and it’s not… helping in the slightest.” crippled-peeper’s reply is, “@werehamburglar HAHAHAHAHAHAHA abled healthcare workers definitely know more about my life and what I can access than I do. Sorry you think I’m fucking stupid and lying. I don’t give a fuck you shitface," to which werehamburglar replies, “did you solve ableism by calling everyone who disagrees on a minor nuance a bitch? did yelling at everyone solve the issue? did pushing everyone out of your same boat and shoving them off of adjacent rafts get back at the people who dumped you in the ocean in the first place?” crippled-peeper sends three replies, one after the other. reply one reads, “@werehamburglar what the fuck are you even talking about you insane bitch”; reply two reads, “@werehamburglar I owe my oppressors and healthcare workers exactly nothing. Eat shit and cry about it cunt”; and reply three reads, “@werehamburglar comparing being a healthcare worker to being quadriplegic is genuinely fucking hilarious. Please keep going you’re definitely winning something”. The final three comments in the series are marked “2h ago.” werehamburglar has two messages in a row. Message one reads, “nowhere did i say you were lying. nowhere did i say you owed anyone anything. and nowhere did i compare you to healthcare workers; i compared you to other disabled people, who you have been constantly disparaging. you have some complex for hating people who don’t have it as bad as you do (or who you assume don’t). the person you immediately went off on is also disabled-- hence the “adjacent raft” bit. am i being entirely coherent? no, i slept two hours last night.” Message two reads, “and stop calling people cunts. it’s getting weird and kind of sexist.” The final reply from crippled-peeper in the image reads, “@werehamburglar BITCH CUNT BITCH CUNT BITCH CUNT BITCH CUNT GET THE FUCK OFF MY POST AND SHUT THE FUCK UP ABLEIST CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNTY CUNT!!!!!! K THANKS BYE!!!!” END ID]

[IMAGE ID 2: a series of twelve comments, including five from user crippled-peeper, six from user werehamburglar, and one from user stephenrobertslove, who was not involved in the larger exchange. The messages pick up after those from the first image and begin with crippled-peeper saying, “CUNT” werehamburglar replies, “very mature.” crippled-peeper says, in the third message of twelve, “@werehamburglar does harassing suicidal quadriplegic transgenders give you a boner or something? fucking freak. hope something auful happens to you” His message ends with the smiling face with three hearts emoji. werehamburglar replies, “@ crippled-peeper does calling suicidal disabled people cunts give you a raging hard-on, too? we’re all in the same fucking boat, dipshit. yours is just full of more water.” after a paragraph break, she continues, “log off and go to bed.” crippled-peeper replies, “werehamburglar “we’re all in the same boat” spoken like a true circle jerker. you have no fucking clue what my life is like. if you spent one day in my shoes you’d blast your fucking brains out. get the fuck over yourself you lying ass self obsessed cunt” werehamburglar has a series of two messages sent in quick succession. The first message reads: “@ crippled-peeper yeah, see, the point of the metaphor is that your boat is “sinking quicker.” your situation is more dire. im not a fucking idiot. i know there’s no real point of comparison between my issues and yours. on a sliding scale, yours are definitively worse. i would never argue they weren’t. and, see, here’s the thing-- i never DID.” There is a paragraph break in this message. After the paragraph break, the first message continues,” but when you engage with other people like this, it doesn’t do anything to help anyone, yourself included.” The second message reads, “get over yourself first. stop getting high on your righteous anger.” crippled-peeper says, in message eight out of twelve, “@werehamburglar are you winning? did you own the big meanie transgender quad? did you show him who’s boss? who’s anger actually matters(definitely not his!!)? good for you!!!! congratulations!!! I’m gonna go fucking kill myself” werehamburglar replies, as correction, “*whose” Unrelated to either commenter, user stephenrobertslove says, “Same like Ozempic, it’s for Diabetics not you lazy fat bastards that want to lose your fukn beer guts, it’s a life and death medicine for some people. Go on a diet or a walk you lazy fat ku@#$” In response to werehamburglar, crippled-peeper says, “@werehamburglar you’re so smart and special and important that’s why it’s actually ok for you to harass suicidal people with j finintely more problems than you. you’re sooooo normal kiddo good job!!!!” werehamburglar responds, in the final message of the image, “i am so smart and special. yep. mhmm. definitely what i said. go to bed.” END ID] 

[IMAGE ID 3: a series of nine messages between Tumblr users werehamburglar and crippled-peeper. The first two messages are from crippled-peeper and are both marked 2h ago, as are the remainder of the first eight messages in this image. The first message from crippled-peeper’s set of two reads: “@werehamburglar nope I’m blasting my fucking brains out try again cunt” This message ends with the smiling face with three hearts emoji. crippled-peeper’s second message reads, “@werehamburglar “go to bed” I don’t live in an institution just because I’m paralyzed but I’m so glad you think you get to talk to me like I’m a fucking child. you deserve the absolute worst fucking things in life. I hope you get shit on by 15 birds tomorrow and you also trip down 3 flights of stairs and break both tibias.” In response, werehamburglar sends two messages. Message one from werehamburglar reads, “me too. here’s hoping. or, wait, did you want to push me?” Message two from werehamburglar reads, “is that what you wanted? some acquiescence? a little apology?” crippled-peeper responds, “@werehamburglar actually I hope you break every single bone in your body. would literally make me so happy I would unkill myself just to laugh at you” werehamburglar responds, “for the record, im saying “go to bed” because you keep saying you’re going to kill yourself.” in his last response, message seven of nine, crippled peeper says, “@werehamburglar yup cuz I’m gonna I got my pills and my booze right in front of me right now girly!!!! You totally showed me :) you won :) you’re right about everything and actually ableism isn’t real :) it’s just my attitude :) good thing I’m gonna die tonight” In the last response for that stint, werehamburglar says, “Fully not what I said. Don’t do that.” An hour later, in the final message of the screenshot, werehamburglar returns to say, “I figured I wouldn’t touch your posts; those are for other people; but there are a lot of people who care about you and desperately want you here. You make this part of their lives better and more livable. Don’t let what I said push you further into this. Let it rest; look back on it in the morning and call me a cunt again. All said, all set aside, I hope you’re here in the morning.” END ID]

[catt-leya]

Over Again (18+) || Rick Grimes

Summary: Rick hasn't brought you to orgasm in weeks and you've just been faking it for him. After he catches you with a vibrator, he shows you how many times he can make you come.

Sighing, I lean against the shelf behind me and wait for Josie to gather the last few things from the list.

Glenn has sent us into town to go to the drugstore and pick up a few things, which is working out great so far. We haven't had any problems getting here and nothing has been going on here either, but still I can't wait to finally get out of here and head back to Alexandria.

Of course I enjoy doing runs like this and want to do my part for our community, but I'm also excited to be back in my boyfriend's arms and just hear his heartbeat.

At the thought of Rick, I close my eyes and take a deep breath before calling out to Josie, "Are you ready?"

I get a muffled, "A little while."

Not knowing which department she's in, I in turn look around at the shelf in front of me.

A smile steals onto my face as I see all the empty rows of condoms in front of me and roll my eyes. Of course, you'd hardly find anything like that on a shelf anymore, and if you want to have sex, you have to live with the risk of getting pregnant these days.

At the very beginning of my relationship with Rick, we still had a couple of condoms and also stuck to what was hammered into my head in sex ed, but eventually we couldn't find any more and talked about whether we would both take the risk. Both he and I are aware of what we're doing, and I'm sure we're not the only couple to act this way.

Lazily, my gaze wanders further over the shelf and I get stuck on a small row of pink vibrators.

I quickly look around to make sure Josie isn't somewhere in sight and then take a step towards the shelf.

It's not as cleared out as the condoms, but a few people have grabbed here as well. I too reach for a pack and bite my lower lip as I think about putting it in my backpack.

I haven't talked to anyone about it, but the last few times Rick slept with me, I didn't get to the end.

I'm even ashamed of myself for pretending to Rick that I had the sex of my life. It's also not like he's not trying or only looking out for himself and I still think he's as hot as he was in the beginning, but somehow a certain heat has been lost between us and I don't dare approach him about it after my acting.

I wonder if maybe I could bring myself to orgasm and then it could work out better with Rick.

I'm still staring at the package in my hand when I hear Josie's voice a few rows ahead, "I'm done. Let's get out of here."

Hectically, without giving it another thought, I stuff the vibrator into my backpack and stumble out of the aisle. Not that I don't trust Josie, but I'm sure she'd have another line in store making fun of my old boyfriend for not being able to give it to me properly and I really don't need that right now.

My face must have turned red with stress and my best friend frowns in irritation, "What happened to you?"

Much too quickly, I reply, "Nothing."

Confused, she leans over to look down the hallway I came from, but when she sees nothing she shrugs and mutters something about, "You're getting weird."

Gently, I push her out of the drugstore by the shoulders and she giggles, "Yeah yeah, I'm going."

+++

Quietly, I close the door to Rick and my bedroom and lean against it. The walk back from the drugstore also went without a hitch and when we dropped everything off I told Josie I was tired and was going to lay down.

When I saw Rick and Daryl sitting on the patio, it was a load off my mind because the evenings between the two of them always last a long time and Rick always comes to bed to me late at night.

That's why I just gave him a little kiss and wished them a nice evening before I disappeared into the bedroom.

My excitement increases by the second as I pull the vibrator out of my backpack and the package lies heavy in my hand.

I disengage from the door and go into the adjoining bathroom to retrieve my possible happiness from the package and wash it off.

Gently, I slide in the enclosed batteries and take a deep breath as I check to see if it's working. The vibration coursed through my entire body and I closed my eyes in anticipation.

Without further ado, I take off my shorts and panties from my legs. I put my new colleague on the bed and take off my top that I replaced with one of Rick's shirts and then let myself fall on the bed.

With the vibrator in my hand, I lie on my back and close my eyes.

The shirt gapes open and I let the tip of the toy slide between my breasts. Slowly I continue down and gently circle my belly button and place my free hand on one breast.

In my mind's eye I see not my own hands on my body, but Rick's and I moan softly as I pinch my own nipple. Rick is an incredibly great and gentle man, but I wish he would grip harder, that he would push me to my limits.

As if of its own accord, my hand slides between my legs with the toy and I gasp in surprise at how easily the vibrator slides into me through my wetness.

I play with my nipple and turn on the vibrator with shaky fingers. Immediately I rebel and Rick blue eyes appear in my mind's eye. It's almost ridiculous how much I love this man and I moan his name softly.

I can hardly believe it when I realize how the vibrator is carrying me to my orgasm and I keep emitting soft sounds that alternate between "Oh my God" and "Rick".

My movements are becoming more and more uncoordinated and I can practically feel my release already, that's when I hear Rick's voice in the room, "And is it fun?"

As if on cue, the orgasm is gone and I tear open my eyes in panic.

Grinning, my boyfriend stands in the doorway and leans against the frame.

The whole situation is too embarrassing for me in front of him that I pull his shirt together over my body and press my legs, which I had pushed wide apart, together again.

I press the vibrator to my side so he can't see it and hope he thinks I was just fingering myself while he was busy. With hot cheeks I ask, "How long have you been standing there?"

I didn't hear him come in, but it must also be said that I had minimally more important things to do than pay attention to my surroundings.

Still in the doorway, his gaze slides over my body, "Alex asked Daryl for something and that's why he had to go. I thought you were asleep and wanted to pour myself another whiskey downstairs and head to the patio so I wouldn't disturb you. Then downstairs I heard you calling for me so I went up and see you fucking yourself with a vibrator and moaning my name over and over, I couldn't help but watch a little, sorry."

So he did see the vibraator after all. Sighing, I stare at the ceiling and mutter, "Can we pretend you didn't see that?"

I hear him stifle a laugh and then approach me and sit down next to me on our bed, "Trust me, I won't be able to forget that sight in my lifetime."

Under my lashes, I look up at him as he takes the hem of the shirt I'm wearing between his fingers and says, still smiling, "You could have just asked me. Not that I mind you wanting to have a little extra fun, but I would have loved to help you."

Bad conscience gnaws at me as I think about how I was closer to an orgasm with the vibrator than I have been with Rick in the last few weeks.

He frowns, and I know he sees something in my face he doesn't like as he asks me, "What's wrong?"

God, why does it feel like I'm cheating? I can't look him in the face and say everything is fine. I just can't and it's unfair to him.

Except I can't look at him as I whisper, "I...shit...I'm sorry...but I took the vibrator because I...you know...wanted to cum."

Gently, he wraps his fingers around my chin and forces me to look into as he says, "I think I already realize that, which was your goal. I just don't understand why you can't even look at me and look like you want to disappear into thin air."

My heart tightens as I sigh softly, "Rick, I'm so sorry, but I lied to you."

Rick's hand slips off my chin and I can literally see a huge question mark forming on his face and I whisper, "If we had sex, I lied to you. I didn't want you to feel bad and I pretended I came and I was afraid to tell you afterwards. I thought if I could get myself to come I would be able to come with you and that's why I took the vibrator and didn't ask you to come up to me. I'm sorry."

He blinks silently several times before asking tonelessly, "You were just pretending and now you're apologizing for my inability to bring my girlfriend to orgasm?"

Hectically, I shake my head and want to reach for his hand, but he stands up and puts some space between us before looking down at me, "But that's how it is. Every time I'm the happiest man in the world when you let me sleep with you and want you to enjoy the time too and all the while you're just doing me a favor and I'm too stupid to see it. Shit, do you even want me anymore?"

I open my mouth but he's not done yet, "I can't stand it when you're unhappy because of me and when you'd rather...I don't know...try yourself with others..." 

Before he can finish the sentence I jump up and cover his mouth. I don't care that the shirt is gaping open again and look him in the face, "I never said that and I don't want you to think something like that even one more time. You're all I want, Rick. No one else and I love sleeping with you, just to see how good it can be for you."

Gently, I pull my hand from his mouth and stand on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around his neck.

His eyes move to my lips and I whisper, "Do you know what I was thinking about when I touched myself?"

Silently, he shakes his head and I lean forward to brush feather-lightly over his soft lips, "About you. Only of you. The way your hands feel on my skin and the way your eyes light up when you have me naked beneath you."

Slowly, life comes back into Rick's body and he rests his hands on my naked hip, "Then tell me what you need, princess."

My heart hammers hard against my ribcage as I breathe, "You. I need you and I want you to dominate me."

Rick's whole body tenses and he puts a hand on the back of my neck and pulls me slightly away from him, "You want to submit to me?"

I'm a little surprised when I see the greedy glint in his eyes.

Rick is in himself, an alpha male as they come, but in the bedroom he is irritatingly soft and gentle at times. Not that it's a bad thing, and I love every trait about him, it's just that I'd love to have him in bed the way he handles his enemies: cocky and dominant. 

Blinking, I nod and he straightens up to his full height, clearly towering over me.

The way he looks down at me sends a shiver down my spine and he says in a firm voice, "You're going to beg me today not to come anymore."

My abdomen tightens in anticipation and expectantly I let him push me back onto the bed.

Waiting, I sit down on the bed and want to put the vibrator down on the floor because I'm firmly convinced I definitely won't need it today, but Rick shakes his head, "Pick up where you left off."

Irritated, I look up at him, "What for?"

He crosses his arms in front of his chest and growls, "Don't ask and do what I want you to do."

At first I flinch, but also have to squeeze my legs together at his tone.

Slowly, I move onto the bed and lean against the pillows on the side of my head. Rick follows my every move and his chest rises jerkily as I reach for the vibrator.

I hesitantly spread my legs and pause as Rick opens his shirt and brushes it off his shoulders before walking around the bed and stopping when he can see right between my legs.

I know he can see me perfectly and I just stare at him.

He's so gorgeous it hurts.

My hesitation causes him to raise his eyebrows and prop himself up on the bed between my legs, "What did I say?"

The shirt I'm wearing slips off my shoulders and I let the vibrator slide inside me. I moan softly and want to press my legs together out of reflex, but Rick kneels between my legs so that my knees hold against his broad shoulders.

I do what he said and he kisses my right thigh.

The vibration inside me makes me barely think straight, but his bare skin between my legs and feather-light touches make me go crazy.

I haven't been this horny in weeks, and I gasp his name as he leans down, his warm breath meeting the wetness between my legs as more and more comes from the vibrator and my own hand.

Desperate to feel his lips on me, I push my hips toward him, but he just says arrogantly, "You came here to get it yourself. I just want to see how it goes."

A "shit" slips from my lips and I try to reach for him with my free hand, but he hisses, "No."

Groaning, I lay my head back on my neck, "Please, Rick."

Light as a feather, he runs his hand over my hand holding the vibrator, "Help yourself."

The plan was good before Rick got this close to me and I look to him with a veiled gaze.

His gaze is fixed firmly on the toy I keep pushing inside me and his hair hangs low on his face.

Slowly I look to his chest, which is defined and covered with gray hair.

I look from his flat stomach to his pants, which show a distinct bulge, and whimper, "I want you."

Grinning, he looks me in the face, "Oh yeah?"

I slide the vibrator inside me and nod.

That's when he puts his hand firmly on mine and squeezes. He pushes the toy deeper and firmly into me and my legs tighten around his shoulders and my mouth opens without me making a sound.

Determined, he pushes my hand away and reaches for the vibrator inside me himself and my heart stops. Cockily he asks, "Is this what you want? For me to take you like this?"

He slides over me and puts his lips on my erect nipples and I moan, "Oh God, I'm cumming. Oh God."

My legs start to shake and I dig my fingers into his hair and that's the moment he pulls the vibrator out of me and slides his fingers inside me instead.

My whole body presses against his and I come whimpering and twitching around his long fingers.

After several long weeks, this is my first orgasm and it's incredible how strongly I respond and how long I cling to his hand between my legs until the last wave dies and I can breathe again.

Rick looks up at me and says, "Turn around."

I can barely think straight and can only bring myself to say, "Hmmmm," and when I don't show any other reaction either, he sits up and grabs my waist, forcing me to turn onto my stomach as he hisses, "You do what I say as soon as I say it. Got it?"

My face and breasts are buried in the pillows and my butt is sticking up. Though I can barely stay on my feet, I moan a "yes" and my whole body almost gives out as he pushes my knees further apart and I think about how he sees me right now: My middle presenting itself to him between my legs and me completely defenseless and weak on my knees.

His hand strokes my butt and I feel how close he is behind me as he smugly says, "Will you make your legs even wider for me?"

His hand slides to my thighs, "I can see you dripping on the bed." And then strokes through the wetness between my legs, "How about my cum dripping out of you?"

I groan and push myself towards him as he continues to tease, "Would you like that?"

Muffled by the pillows, I whimper miserably, "Oh God, yes please."

His hands settle on my thighs and he says harshly, "You'll have to earn it."

I'm about to ask what I should do when I feel his tongue in just the right place. Again and again his beard scratches over my sensitive skin and as I gasp his name, he moans against my wetness himself.

I'm so sensitive that I barely need more to come again and instead of fucking me properly he continues to lick me and I want to move away from him because it's anything but pleasurable, but he murmurs, "You wanted to come, princess. Now take it and behave."

His fingers dig into my skin and there's nothing I can do but squirm, whimpering, and come one more time and he gasps, "Good girl."

As soon as he lets go of my legs, I plop down on my stomach and could fall asleep right then and there, but just like he promised, he's not done with me yet.

The mattress moves as he stands up and I hear him unzip his pants and they land thudding on the floor.

I wince violently as he strokes my head before demanding, "Up."

Sluggishly, I sit up and my gaze falls directly on his cock, which is more than ready to be inside me, and as he in turn lies down on the bed, I know exactly what he wants from me. But I shake my head, "Rick, I really can't stay on top of you."

There's no way I could ride him. Not after three orgasms.

But he grabs my hand and pulls me on top of him without pity and lifts me up with ease to put me on his cock without a second thought.

I am sore and completely exhausted but to be used by him like this is incredible.

To support myself I put my hands flat on his chest and watch his face as he pulls himself together as he breathes, "You come one more time and then I'll stop."

He thrusts his hips at me and tears come to my eyes as he brushes my little bundle of nerves through it, but he pays little attention.

I'm infinitely grateful to him, though, for keeping his hands on my hips and helping me get up again and again.

With each thrust he makes, I see his self-control fade and his pink lips open. They're shiny and I can't tell if he's licked over them or if that's still my wetness.

I want to know and bend over to kiss him hard on the lips as he presses my hips harder and more uncoordinated.

Unwillingly, my innermost keeps contracting as he does so, and he moans, "Now."

Crying and gasping, I come around his hard cock, which twitches and spills inside me.

Weakly I fall onto his chest and whisper a "Thank you" as I kiss him on the chest.

Gently he strokes my hair, "Promise me something?"

Wearily I nod and he says, "Promise me you'll never lie to me about something like that again."

Smiling, I breathe, "I promise." And mean it.

@livandar @hail-yourselves @mrsxreeves @chanlvr2 @criminalwalkingsupernatural @sunshinevirus

[ivykim]

DENIMZ LOG

masterlist // wattpad

summary: with ssogariz already settling to be one team. it so happens that on that day ivy, jay, sunoo and jungwon were all wearing denimz. they ended up going on a trip together. one filled with swimming and good food. completely healing for ivy, just the way she likes it

ivy’s outfit: planning | home | trip | swimming | pyjamas

NOTE: would’ve decided for ivy to go fishing with the ssogariz but it’s been a while since she’s had a trip with jay so yeah!

italics are them speaking in english

[EN-loG]

today, jay, sunoo, jungwon and ivy were gathered in the meeting room to make some purchases online such as food.

"what about samgyeopsal?" jungwon suggests.

"can we buy beef." ivy says. she looks up at the staff, hoping for them to give an okay sign. they nod. she smiles. "they said we can buy it, add to cart!!"

ivy turns to look at jungwon. she realises he was doing a close up shot of jay's ears.

"noona, which cut?"

"anything is fine. i just want beef. i deserve this since i completed my diet cycle." sunoo hums.

"then we'll buy a lot for you. you deserve it." sunoo says. ivy lightly smacks his arms.

"let's not waste food. i don't have as big as an appetite as before. just buy maybe like 2 packet worth? i don't know. we should have jay to help."

"hyung will come back later and we can ask him. we can put that off for now. how about desserts? cake?"

"sounds good. let's get cake." jungwon says.

"can we get ice cream too." ivy's eyes sparkle. jungwon chuckles and pats her.

"yes, noona. we can get that."

"yes!" she fist pumps.

"it feels like noona is the younger one here." sunoo snickers,

off-camera, jay comes back. sunoo asks about the meat situation and he gladly helps decide how many to buy.

"noona, you should go get your makeup done."

"wait, we have a schedule today..?" the boys facepalmed.

after the schedule, they came back home and started to pack their stuff.

"hello." sunoo waves to the camera.

"the house is a bit messy, huh." jay says.

"right, it is." sunoo embarrassingly laughs.

"noona is currently watching us pack because she mentions she doesn't look good right now on camera." sunoo says.

"i look like i haven't slept yet." ivy counters.

"you slept in the car before we arrived home."

"well- i just look weird right now."

"just get in here." jay says. jungwon pulls her into frame and ivy waves to the camera.

"anyways, we gathered today because we needed to pack since we have water activities tomorrow."

"they decided to get water guns by the way." ivy mentions.

"we don't really need to bring much personal things so we are just using this bag to put our swimming things inside." sunoo says.

"tomorrow is definitely going to be fun so see you tomorrow." ivy waves to the camera.

sunoo opens up the camera and waves. he points it to ivy.

"noona." sunoo says. ivy looks up.

"oh sorry, hi everyone." ivy waves to the camera. he points it to jay and jungwon and they waved.

"we are on our way to gapyeong." jungwon says.

"how do you feel sunoo-shi." ivy asks.

"i'm really really excited. it's been a long time since we went somewhere like this to hang out. there will be a pool there and many fun activities we could do. jay hyung is also going to cook for us!"

sunoo points the camera to jay.

"your fashion today is a bit.."

"there is a concept." jungwon says.

"he looks like an uncle."

"noona looks like a rich aunty." sunoo says.

"they planned this together." jungwon says.

"did you two really?" sunoo asks.

"well, jay is the uncle that is taking care of adorable highschoolers. i'm the aunt that just watches over. kinda like a chill aunt."

"this kind of aunt probably lives with cats." jay says.

"well, i already live with you and jungwon so you guys are the cats!" ivy says.

"noona has a point there."

"one point for ivy." she smirks before pulling down her sunglasses.

"i think ENGENEs would probably want a selca from noona. she looks really pretty right now." sunoo says. ivy snorts.

"front row seats."

"we can take girlfriend shots for noona." sunoo suggests.

"oh sunoo, this is why you are my favourite." ivy smiles.

"WHAT?"

they had just arrived and it was already getting a little dark out.

"noona, let's go." sunoo says. ivy doesn't wake up though. she was knocked out.

"i'll wake her up. you guys go out first." jay says. the two younger boys went out while jay went over to ivy's side to open the door. he carefully reaches to unclasp the seatbelt. he gently shakes ivy awake.

"love?" jay calls out. ivy hums.

"we are here. the boys are waiting and you know we are recording."

"mm okay." ivy yawns. jay pecks her lips.

"morning sleepyhead."

"mmm, later i need more kisses."

"yes, love. later." jay chuckles.

both ivy and jay left the car.

"woah, there are other people here too." sunoo points out.

"then we should head inside. i wanna swim~" ivy says.

they entered the home. it was huge. ivy gasps.

"woahhh." she looks around in awe.

"oh, ni-ki is here." sunoo pats the duck floatie.

[NI-KI appears!!]

"ni-ki ya, what are you doing here." ivy asks the duck.

"noona has officially lost it." jay says. ivy rolls her eyes.

"i'm just making it entertaining for the viewers. look at ni-ki, isn't he adorable? he will be carrying us later."

[NI-KI: "WHAT??"]

they placed their stuff onto the couch. jay gets ready to cook. sunoo pumps up the duck floatie since it was a little soft. they were afraid it would deflate if they try to sit on it.

"i think it should be fine now."

"then shall we put it in the water now?" jungwon asks.

"yeah." ivy says. jungwon places it into the water. she turns on the light. sunoo videos jungwon as he settles down onto the duck floatie.

"won, be careful." ivy warns. she goes to check up on jay.

"yes noona." jungwon yells.

she pecks jay's cheek, "hey sexy."

"hey, need something?" jay asks.

"why do you always assume everytime i come to you, i need something." she huffs. "but yes, kissies please?" ivy pouts out her lips. jay chuckles. he leans in.

"JAY HYUNG!!" ivy jumps back.

"UH?"

"can we get in the pool now?" sunoo yells.

"sure." jay goes back to what he was doing before. he was preparing the food. the kids wanted to help so they tried to look around to see if jay needed help.

"you look like an uncle who can really cook well." jungwon says. ivy snickers.

"that's the concept i'm going for." jay says.

jungwon points the camera to ivy, "noona looks like the wife who is happy to be here."

ivy comes up to jay and wraps her arm around his waist.

"well, we look a like a happy family then. my two sons and a lovely husband." it gets silent.

[IVY: "they really don't like the family concept :(."]

"jay hyung said we can swim!!" sunoo yells. ivy huffs.

"did you say we can swim?"

"yes i did." jungwon closes up on jay's face. the kids decided to run off to the pool and enjoy their time.

"why aren't you going?" jay asks.

"later on." she backhugs jay.

"i'm cooking, babe."

"well if you could stop for a bit and give me attention that would be great."

"if i stop, there won't be any dinner."

ivy pouts.

"alright then. i'll enjoy my time with the kids." she pecks his cheeks. "see you later, handsome."

jay chuckles, "see you later, angel."

ivy changes into her swimming attire. she watches the boys play.

"noona." sunoo smiles. ivy settles on the edge of the pool before jungwon grabs her ankles and pulls her in. she falls into the pool.

"YANG JUNGWON!" she yells.

"uhh noona." jungwon chuckles awkwardly.

"COME HERE YOU." she jumps on jungwon's back. jungwon laughs as he catches her. from the kitchen you could hear screaming and yelling.

jay laughs.

"we are probably going to get complaints." jay says.

ivy grabs the water gun and starts shooting at the both of them. jungwon grabs her and throws her over his shoulder.

"jungwon!" she giggles. sunoo sprays the water at her.

somehow it turns into a swimming lessons class since sunoo didn't know how to swim. jungwon attempts to instruct him.

"i think noona is a better swimmer than me though." jungwon says. ivy goes to one end of the pool and swims to where jungwon and sunoo were.

"wahh noona, you are great."

"it's been a while since i swam." ivy says.

"oh, it will be more fun if jay hyung comes here." jungwon says.

"jay hyung!! are you swimming?" sunoo yells.

"later on." jay yells back.

"do you want to push jay hyung into the pool when he comes here?" jungwon asks.

"i like the way you think." ivy smirks.

ivy and the kids started playing water polo, they shot each other with the water guns once again and even started singing karaoke.

[the cats spotted jay]

"oh? jay!!" ivy yells.

"hey!" jungwon yells.

sunoo shoots the water at the glass wall.

[JAY is working hard to cook]

they decided to head in since they were getting hungry.

"there were a lot of bugs outside. i'm not lying, there was a moth as with a head as big as jungwon's." jay says.

"ay hyung, don't lie."

"i'm not lying."

"so there is a moth flying around like this?" jungwon flaps around. ivy smiles.

"jongseong, do you know where the towel is? i need to cover up when i sit down." jay hands ivy a towel. "thank you."

they helped jay make some food, the kids helped with making ramyeon while ivy went to cut up more vegetables. after doing so, they went to eat. it was good to fill up their stomach and have dinner but fun awaits for them.

right after eating, the kids went back to swimming.

"wait, you're not supposed to swim right after you eat-"

splash

water went everywhere.

"well too bad." jay shoves ivy into the pool. she stumbles and falls into it.

"YAHHH PARK JONGSEONG!!" she yells before she attempts to pull jay into the pool. jay laughs. he jumps into the water and pulls ivy closer.

"sorry, my love." jay pecks ivy's lips. ivy huffs. the kids grabbed the water gun and shot water at the both of them.

"ITS ON!" ivy yells before splashing water at all of them.

and so a water fight starts. they all had fun before they decided to wrap it up. the doorbell rings and desserts came, they played some card games.

"noona is cheating." sunoo points out.

"how am i cheating when i lost??" ivy says.

"in that case, noona. could you get the desserts?" sunoo pouts. ivy sighs.

"alright." she goes to grab the desserts from the fridge.

she brings the desserts and they instantly start eating it.

"desserts after swimming. best decision ever." ivy says. jungwon chuckles.

and so they enjoyed their desserts. it was a great day filled with fun and great food.

THE END

[mx-misty-eyed]

The Outside theories/observations

Three fucking theories posts three days in a row. I haven't slept. I've seen the new items on dmaorg but we'll tackle that tomorrow (or tonight if I don't sleep) Lets get started shall we. So the video starts out with the bishops, one bishop seems to be channeling trash(?) with antlers,

They use it to kill trash which kills the bishop (its either nico because he's powerful or the least important bishop because they're fine if they die, it could also be sacarver because she said she wanted to leave)

Then it shows Clancy on the beach, the camera turns to josh(?) and the line "I'm pretty sure I've seen this one before" plays, probably a coincidence, just wanted to point it out in case it meant something.

Josh(?) leads Clancy with a torch but he sees something in the bushes and the torch goes out. Josh(?) runs into the forest with Clancy following. Josh(?) seems to be finding his way with weird stick things.

there are vulture(?) skulls along the way and antlers pop up and disappear

Clancy and Josh(?) arrive at a cave and NED IS THERE, his antlers have gotten a lot bigger too. There are two packs made with sticks, and coats with the skeleton and alien symbols

Clancy walks into the cave, migraine is playing quietly in the background (THIS ACTUALLY FITS WITH ALL THE MIGRAINE THEORIES). They venture farther into the tunnel where they come across two ned's (i'm gonna call them ned's until we know what the species is named)

Further in the tunnel theres a little campfire with about 7 ned's. They must be a lot more intelligent than we thought, like they know how to make fire and they understand what's going on and stuff.

Clancy finds Ned outside the cave with his antlers off, Clancy looks around and it almost exactly the same as jumpsuit

he gives them to clancy and disappears (magic? hallucination? or did he just die/cease to exist once his antlers were gone?) clancy holds them like how the bishop did in the beginning of the video which my brilliant buddy, Crow, pointed out was just like the statue in dema

Doing this makes his eyes glow and the bishops eyes glow (can he see through the bishops eyes?), the bishop comes back to life and Clancy does a cute little dance and the bishop, controlled by him, does too (im so confused, so the antlers come from the neds and they control trash but they also control the bishop(s)?). The other bishops look shocked/confused, probably not expecting this to happen. Then clancy uses him to ruin the ritual and start a fire by throwing something neon down (could be a metaphor for breaking the cycle) which seemed to kill a bishop and start a fire. Maybe the neon things are the bishops life forces?

Clancy and Josh(?) hold up their torches and from the other side of the water, banditos mirror the signal, their (the banditos) torches spell out east is up in morse code. Then it shows two young looking banditos, (dema is on fire in the background)

there's a quick flash and it shows the banditos are those two kids (crow has this awesome theory, im just gonna quote them because he said it better than I could "i think the kids are us, because they found tyler's jumpsuit or whatever in natn, they found tøp and everything they stand for if that makes sense, what they created, their ideals, and they became banditos. I think the kids are us, the clique, and I think its like how were fighting back against our own struggles") from the NATN video (SERIOUSLY HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!) who found Clancy and Josh's(?) stuff

and thats where it ends.

First of all, how did josh(?) know where to go, had he been there before, was he planted by the Bandito's or was he in hiding?

How do the antlers work, they controlled the bishop and brought him back to life but they also were used by the bishop to control trash. Obviously the bishops were surprised someone could control them with it, is/was Clancy one of them, or from the same place they are?

WHAT ARE THE NED'S CALLED??

That's all we have for now. Sorry it took so long, me (frankie) and crow have been really busy today. Feel free to add anything or comment as usual.

Edit: So I just realized the boy was wearing Clancy's jacket that he left behind in NATN

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

Extra Credit

based on this cause @avhrodite and I were texting, and she told me to write it! so this is for you miss bailey <3

also feedback is always appreciated! literally rb, comment, or an anon ask means the world to fanfic writers, now that tumblr’s algorithm is messed up.

enjoy 7.6k of professor!harry lovelies!

also the intimidating as fuck photo that inspired this, and will be used in the story!

Sexuality Studies. Room 3017.

You had stalled from walking into class with a nervous gut feeling in your stomach with a heavy textbook in your arms, too big to be put in your backpack, but it felt like your book was weighing you down. People were walking around each other to find a vacant seat as you stood there next to the door as you waited till the last minute to walk in and take your seat.

There were a few reasons why you were nervous to walk in. One, it was basically sex class. Your friend had taken the class a few semesters ago, and had told you the basics of it and the rundown. There was a lot of sex talking towards the end.

And although, you’ve had had sex before, you still felt like you were inexperienced. Your sex life was boring, and nonexistent as of a month ago when you broke it off with your, now ex, friends with benefits. He just wasn’t doing the job, like at all. He never made sure you were having a good time or getting off. And that’s just one of the reasons why you broke it off with him. Luckily, he wasn’t mad and didn’t ask questions. Just said ‘oh, okay’ and bid his goodbye. That had made you a bit sad, knowing he didn’t care whatsoever. You two had only been fucking for a month, and the excitement had left your body the first night you slept with him.

The second reason goes along well with the first, and that’s because you aren’t that comfortable. Again, you’ve sex, but you weren’t comfortable in yourself--your sexuality. You never really had time or experience to explore your body or others because you’ve only slept with two people. In that sense, you didn’t know what you liked sexually and what your partner liked, other than blowjobs, handjobs, and being able to cum while fucking you. But there was more to it; you wanted the details, the ticks, sensitive spots, everything. But you’ve slept with lousy frat boys who didn’t care enough to ask if you had finished.

You checked your phone for the time, seeing that you have about two minutes before you have to go in. You take a deep breath, walking over to the opposite side of the wall, preparing yourself to walk in. You don’t know why it was so hard for you to just walk in and sit down. The thought of having to sit through an hour and a half class that is mainly about sex isn’t that hard to deal with either, but your insecurities and anxiety is getting the better of you. With a couple of neck rolls and inhales to deep exhales, you were ready before you heard a voice next to you.

“Nervous about the first day?” You look up to find an incredibly attractive man smiling down at you. His smile had made you blush and his intent eye contact had made you nervous. The way he just looks insanely sexy, and you think his hair is better than yours. He wears a simple button down shirt with two birds next to the collar, along with black jeans and boots. And you think, he’s so good looking and dresses well too. For a student, you don’t see anyone dress or look like him at all.

“Uh, kinda? I don’t know,” you say as you are not quite sure what to answer, so you said the easiest thing that didn’t have to do with how you’re feeling right now.

“No need to be nervous. This semester will go by quickly and I heard the professor is really cool too,” the man says with a reassuring smile, and you felt a bit better because he was right. This class would be a breeze and then you wouldn’t have to retake it, unless you fail.

“Yeah, you’re right. Thank you. Uh, do you want to sit next to me?” You made the bold move to ask him, and it had shocked you. You never made the first move, but you figured that you needed more friends anyways.

“Oh, thank you, but can’t do that. Let’s go in, shall we?” He waves his hand out, leading you to go first.

You cheeks were filled with embarrassment, thinking that your bold move was a stupid move. Of course, he didn’t want to sit next to you. He barely knows you. You roll your eyes at yourself, making your way to the first row as all the seats behind the front row were taken, and you didn’t want to take the time to look around. You take a seat as your head sank lower from awkwardness you had felt, and you set your book down on the desk and heard your professor speak.

“Hello, class. Welcome to ‘Sexuality Studies.’ I’m Professor Styles. Shall we get started?” Your mouth had been open the entire time he was introducing himself. Shocked was an understatement as you didn’t realize you were talking to your professor outside of the class, but that hadn’t made your embarrassing moment less worse.

How did you not realize that? You should’ve seen it coming because you were thinking about how no student on campus dresses or looks the way he does, and you didn’t think to put the pieces together.

But, fuck.

He was sexy as a ‘student’, but as the professor, that was a different story. You had felt the weird feeling in your stomach, triggering your arousal as you watched him talk to the entirety of the class about what’s to be expected. You turned around slightly and observed the room; noticing that most of the class were girls and there were a few guys, but the female population dominated the class. All the girls had hearts in their eyes, twirling, and biting their lip as they stared at their new professor; probably hoping they would get some extra credit in the middle of the semester to raise their grade or purposefully failing their test so he can call them into his office and they can have classic office sex.

The thought had made your eyes roll. Not at the thought of office sex because everyone knows that’s hot, but the thought of purposefully doing horrible in the class to fuck the professor is beyond you.

The class had gone by rather quickly, Professor Styles only talking about the basics of what everyone is going to learn such as culture, biological, health, anatomy, art, etc.

You walked out of the class in a hurry, not looking at your new professor and anticipated the next time you’ll meet.

The month had gone by rather smoothly, only taking two classes for the semester, so your workload isn’t too bad. The occasional thought about thinking your professor was a student had haunted you, and you think about it a bit more than you would like; feeling quite embarrassed and you’d hope that he had forgotten all about it.

You were sat at the coffee shop, head in your laptop and notes that you had taken during lecture as you were starting on your paper that is due in a little over two weeks. You were so into your introduction that your fingers were typing away on their own, that you didn't feel the presence of someone beside you.

“Hi. You’re in my sexuality class, right?” A voice from your right becomes present, and you look up, seeing your incredibly attractive professor looking down at you with a smile. There was no way in getting out of this one.

“Yes. Mr. Styles, hi,” you say nervously, but trying your best to hide it with your smile.

“Thought I recognized ya. How are you?”

“I’m doing well. I’m actually working on your paper right now,” you chuckle a bit.

“Are ya? What are you writing it on?” You get a bit sidetracked, realizing that he’s still standing and all of your stuff sits on the opposite side of the table. You reach over to move it onto your lap.

“You can sit if you’d like,” you offer. Harry debates for a second, and sees that there’s no harm in sitting with your student, so he gladly takes the seat across from you. “But I’m writing it on the fine line between masculinity and femininity.”

“Ahh, yes. That’s one of my favorite topics that we discussed,” he says.

“Yeah, me too. Pretty important for this day in age.”

“I’m right there with ya,” he agrees.

For the next 20 minutes, you and Harry talk about some main points. Discussing and going over what ideas you had in mind as Harry listens while nodding his head. He notices how passionate you are with the topic of your paper, and he appreciates the passion. Students will lazily write this paper, and it really shows in their work that makes him a bit disappointed because he had thought that he made the class fun; adding a few jokes and having the student participate with the lecture.

But listening to you talk about all the ideas that you wrote down; so far from the earth as you keep talking as he listens intently to you. You’re a sweet person, he’s noticed. You don’t participate all that much in class, but he figured that’s because you’re just a tad bit shy. And he’s still amused at the fact that you thought he was a student, which flattered him. But in all honesty, he can pass as one, and it wasn’t the first time someone mistaken him for a student.

Just as you were finished talking, a hint of pink made your cheeks flushed as you realized you were talking quite a bit, and keeping him from doing whatever he was supposed to. “I’m sorry. I tend to talk a lot when I get into things.”

“Hey, no need to apologize. I’m glad you told me your ideas because I think they’re great.” He checks the time on his phone and sees that he should get going, and his coffee cup is empty already. “But I should get going. Don’t hesitate to ask me about anything for the paper. I’ll see you in class.”

“Thank you, Mr. Styles. Have a great rest of your day,” you bid him goodbye as he softly says ‘you too.’

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. Although you had been comfortable talking to him, you have never actually had a close conversation with any of your professors, really. Especially not outside of campus. But you really did feel comfortable. You figured that it’s because Harry is in a way, younger than most professors—at least he looks young.

The rest of your time at the coffee shop was spent finishing up the second paragraph and your coffee before you head back to your apartment.

The paper was due in a week, and you felt confident about turning it in on time and doing a great job on it. But that did not stop you from going into Mr. Styles’ office during his office hours, and he did say not to hesitate to ask if you had any questions, so you were using that to your advantage to make your paper even better.

He was surprised to see you just after two days of seeing him at the coffee shop that happened the week prior; asking him how to rephrase some things and seeing where some ideas fit into the paragraphs that are already written. And Harry happily helped you. Although he thinks you don’t need help at all, seeing as you’re right on track on the topic.

But you had felt a sudden surge of confidence that has never hit you before. And you can tell yourself that you’re comfortable enough to ask him questions all you want, but in reality, you wanted to keep talking to him and most importantly, keep seeing him.

He had this sense of comfort to him that made you feel safe. You never felt the awkward tension that there is in when talking to other professors, and you were glad for it. Mr. Styles had made it a safe space for his students to talk to him. And aside from asking him about school related things, you two had gotten to know each other after the important questions were asked. The conversations were harmless, and you looked forward to them everytime.

A knock was heard on his office door and he told whoever was behind it to come in. You walked in with a smile, laptop and notebook held to your chest, walking in slowly as you closed the door behind you.

“Hi, Mr. Styles. Are you busy?”

He shakes his head, “no, no. How can I help you?” Harry had—and was still trying—to keep it professional between you two. And although nothing had happened, he can’t help but stop the flutter of his heart when you would walk in his class or his office as you gave him a small that he adored. He also noticed how concentrated you are during class; making sure to take every single note and word that he says, making him smile at the thought.

“Uh, I was kind of stuck on something that I could definitely use your help with.” 

“Sure thing. That’s what I’m here for,” he gives you a smile, and you open your notebook, showing him the many marks and scribbles that you had planted out when brainstorming.

“So I came up with this idea because I thought it would be important to talk about the history of masculinity and femininity. I didn’t want to just talk about the modern times as of now. But maybe research how it affected people back in the day when they weren’t acting as their…assigned sexuality, as you could say.”

“That sounds great. You can talk about that and during the times of the first pride march. That would definitely be interesting. But I would say not to go too into it, it’s a pretty straightforward topic, and there’s just a lot that is covered during those times. Just so you don’t get too ahead of yourself,” he gives his opinion. You listen carefully and take in his words as if you’re making a mental list of things you should and shouldn’t write about.

“Sounds good. Thank you.”

“Is that all?”

“Yeah, I think so. Just wanted to ask you that,” you say as you close your notebook, but not getting up to leave yet.

“Okay, can I ask you something this time?”

“Uh, sure,” you respond nervously.

“I see that you’re pretty much on track of the paper, like you know what you’re talking about. And you seem really confident in what you want to say, which is good. And I’m all ears when it comes to students wanting feedback, but I just have to ask….” anxiety boils through your throat. “Is coming to see me practically 2 or 3 times a week have to do with your paper?” You take a deep inhale, but don’t let your breath loose. He read you extremely well, you have to say. And it was a bold move on Harry’s part to ask that because if you say the opposite, then he assumed pretty hard.

You finally let go of the breath you were holding in and answered, “no.”

“No. It doesn’t have to do with your paper?” You shake your head in confirmation. “Then what does it have to do with?” He asks, and you think he definitely already knows what’s going on, but needs you to say the words.

“I just…wanted to see you,” you say softly.

“And why is that?” At this point, he’s teasing you already. Probably wanting to make a fool out of yourself so he could go home and laugh about it to his girlfriend or boyfriend, which you assume he has. And the bold assumption that you had thought he felt that pull towards you was enough to make you feel embarrassed for the second time in front of him.

But the remains of the confidence were still pooling in your head, and you figured you had nothing to lose.

“I wanted to see you because… I can’t deny this attraction I feel towards you. And it’s not based solely on your looks either because no can hide the fact that you’re insanely attractive, but I’ve gotten to know you for who you are this past week and we had some good talks, which was nice because no one has ever gotten to know me well enough for me to fall for them within a week.”

You finish your confession with a straight face, but there was still a hint of hope that he would tell you he felt the same way.

“And on the topic of no one getting to know me, and this is a sexuality class and you’ve recently started talking about sex; I’ve never truly had the chance to explore with partners sexually and explore my sexuality more in depth than just someone sticking their dick inside me, and calling it good sex. So, you talking to me and getting to know me means a lot because no one wants to waste their time on what I like and what I’m into.”

You had said a mouthful, and it can be heard as inappropriate to say that to your professor, but again, why would a sexuality teacher judge you based on your past sex life?

A minute had passed that immediately felt like an hour. The only thing that was heard was the ticking of the wall clock, and that made the tension even more unbearable.

You get up from out of the chair, “I’m gonna go. Thanks for the help, Mr Styles.” 

Before you reach for the door, he finally decides to speak, “Wait.” You turn around slowly and watch him get up from his chair, and walk towards you. His eyes are dark, and they don’t leave yours as he reaches you.

The proximity is close enough that you could lean forward and be pressed up against his chest, but you’re afraid that you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself if you do that.

“You’ve fallen for me?” Is the thing that he could respond with after all that you’ve said.

“Yes. I’ve developed a crush on you, well, more than a crush because I do like you,” you say as you look up at him. He looks down at you intently, lips rolled into his mouth. He smells amazing from how close you are, that it’s like a potion that keeps luring you in, wanting more.

“Do ya?”

“I think I make myself pretty clear on that,” you respond with a bit of sass.

“Don’t give me attitude,” his tone changed to dominant, and a pool in your panties made itself present.

“What are you gonna do about it, Mr Styles?” You test, and move closer to him, lips almost touching. You can possibly reach up and your lips will be in sync. A smirk comes to play on his face as if you’ve made the wrong move, but you’re so ready for what’s to come.

And for a split second, it looked like he was leaning in a tad bit to go in for a kiss, but retracts back. “I’ll see you in my next class.” With that, he pulls back and walks back to his chair.

You’re left stunned, mouth slightly open, surprised he didn’t make a move. He didn’t even tell you if he felt the same way, and if it were any other day, you would’ve felt extremely sad, but there was so much tension in the room you needed to go home and take care of yourself.

And that’s what you did.

Once you got back home, you ran a bath for yourself and sat in it as you ran over your skin, leading to where you ached the most. Many thoughts of Mr. Styles doing this to you as he sat behind you in the bath, knowing that you would make a mess on his long fingers and pretty hands. And that definitely helped you reach our orgasm as you moan out his name, and you couldn’t help but feel slightly odd about it.

You finally turned in your paper on the last day it was due, and you were extremely happy with it. You added the history of not acting like your original self, taking Mr. Styles’ advice and not going too in depth with it. This has marked as a halfway point to graduating with your bachelors, and you were ecstatic.

It had also been a week since the tension filled scene that had happened in your professor’s office, and you haven’t been back since. Seeming as you didn’t need to since there were no needed assignments, but you had thought you would visit him in his office everyday after what you had confessed.

It didn’t get easier sitting in his class as he stood up in front of everyone looking so hot as he wore a crisp blue button down with a polka dot tie, and a pink blazer over it. He knew your secret. He knew that you had the hots for him. And he knew that he didn’t say anything to reciprocate those feelings. And you tried very hard not to let it get to you.

The lecture had ted to your paper topic: masculinity and femininity. But this time, it was open for class discussion. You weren’t big on talking in class; just preferred listening to everyone’s opinions and making your own in your head, but the ignorance that someone had made you argue with him.

“I personally feel like men should stay on the masculinity side, and women on the femininity side.” You had turned around to see the guy who had said that. He was wearing a football jersey of the university, laughing with his two friends.

“And why do you think that?” Mr Styles follows up.

“It’s simple. You shouldn’t act as if you’re someone you’re not-”

“That makes a good point in your argument though,” you interrupt, turning in your seat to look at the jock at the top. “You shouldn’t act like someone you’re not, so why would you act like someone you don’t want to be?” The guy had shut up, making you smirk. “I just think that being masculine and feminine as your biological gender is a social construct. It just takes away the substance of that person when people look down on them for being true to themselves. So, why does masculinity only apply to men, and femininity only apply to women?”

Harry smirks at your discussion. It had surprised him that you spoke up in his class, but it didn’t surprise him when you spoke up about this topic. You had definitely shut down his other student, and he was proud of you for that.

The class was dismissed and as you were making your way towards the door, someone stopped you.

“Hey, really great argument back there.” It was the ignorant jock.

“Thanks.” You walked out of the class to get out of everyone’s way, stopping at the wall across from the class.

“I didn’t mean to sound so douchey back there, but what you said really got me thinking, and I see where you’re coming from.”

“I’m glad. You learn something new everyday…”

Harry was watching you the entire time you left your seat to when his student stopped you to have a chat. He had thought you were going to shut him down for being ignorant, but he saw you smile and laugh a little, making him breath deeply as he glared at you, brows furrowed, and coffee cup in his hand. Harry then sees him take out his phone, obvious that he’s asking for his number and he sees you blush as you talk.

Harry tries to control his breathing, and in another world, steam would be coming out of his ears. He walks towards the door, thinking that he was going to call you into his class, but decides against it and shuts the door.

It was already nearing the end of the semester, and you have yet to talk to him.

If it wasn’t for the fact that you had slightly gotten over his unreciprocated feelings, you would have probably dropped out of the class and waited another semester to finish. But you couldn’t let him do that to you; you were way too close to the finish line.

Mr. Styles was in his final topic of speaking about the fun part of sex, and how it could be pleasurable. He talked about the anatomy of it at first, moving onto the techniques. And the techniques he used on how to pleasure a woman and man had you hot in your seat. He demonstrated using his finger, showing the class the way to finger someone, and you couldn’t help but cross your legs. And you were sure everyone was doing so as well.

The simple demonstration of his fingers making a curling motion as if he’s fingering someone made you clench. You had been right about his fingers bringing you to pleasure, and all you wanted to do was rush home and imagine it again since you have a full visual.

“Okay, class. I have an extra credit opportunity for you.” The class perks up at that. You had a low A in the class, and although you were confident about the final, you didn’t want to risk it, so you listened.

“Since this is a sexuality class, I hoped I didn’t make anyone uncomfortable on what I just did,” the class laughed a bit, and you smiled. “For this extra credit, I want you to go to a sex store and buy a toy that can be pretty much anything. Come back and show me, and I will mark you down for points. I don’t require a paper on this, so it is fairly easy, but this is to show that you should be comfortable in your sexuality, and walking into a sex store should be easy for you because there’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever because everyone has needs and if someone judges you, then they’re not getting laid.” The class laughs again. “You can return it if you want after I mark you down or you can keep it. A win win for everyone! Okay, class dismissed.”

You walked out of class with a smile on your face as Mr Styles lightened up everyone’s mood as everyone was stressing for finals. You were glad for it; the weight on your shoulders were still heavy, but a good laugh was needed.

You had two weeks to buy and show him the extra credit, and two weeks until you graduated. The days were counting down at this point, and before you knew it, it was the final week.

You had passed both of your finals with flying colors, and you had the rest of the week to finally relax as you were graduating at the end of the week. The apartment was a mess, and you finally had time to tidy it up a bit; fix the mess of papers on your kitchen table and put your laundry away. You also used that time to finally go out and get your extra credit.

It would be a lie if you had told yourself that you were too lazy to go out and actually buy your extra credit assignment, but that was far from the truth. If you had energy to get up and clean around your home, then you could have easily gotten up and buy a sex toy.

But it was the anxious feeling that you had that you were going to see him so up close, and actually get to talk to him again that stopped you.

The crush on your professor hadn’t died done any less, but it hadn’t increased either. You were stuck in a plateau of not getting over him and not falling for him more. You figured it’s because you see him every week, so you were hoping by this time, you were on your way to getting over him.

You made your way into the sex shop with nerves as you haven’t been into one before, and it was a very relaxed set up. Various of sex toys used for both genders were set against the wall, and a red curtain that led to something in the back that, you assumed, was the more extreme items.

You scanned the toys, figuring that it would be easy to just get a vibrator. Your hands shook as you went to grab the boxed toy, and you remembered Mr Styles’ words; there’s no reason to be ashamed in buying any of these, and that relaxed you.

The employee who rang you up was the sweetest. She greeted you with a bubbly smile, and told you that you had made a great choice because she has the same one. You didn’t tell her that it was for a school thing, because that would sound really weird, and you didn’t tell her that you were planning on returning it later on.

You drove to campus, hoping that Mr Styles was in his office. The drive was a 30 minute drive as you lived a bit far from the school, but you didn’t mind the drive.

Harry heard a knock on his office door, telling them to enter. His eyes perked up as you made yourself present as you opened the door. His heart was beating in his chest as he saw you; remembering the last time you were in his office and missing the presence of you being close again.

“Hi. How are you?” He pointed to the chair, and you sat down. Your heart was pounding as well, feeling nervous about being in his office again.

“I’m doing good. How are you?”

“I’m well, thanks. What can I do for you?” He asks politely. You reach into your bag and grab the box to show him your extra credit assignment. “Ahh,” he lets out as he sees the box. “Perfect. Let me mark you down for that.”

“Thank you,” you say as you put the toy back inside your bag. “Can I ask how I did on the final? If you’ve already finished grading it.”

“Yes. You did really well, actually,” he says as he shuffles through his papers, looking for the grade book. “Ah, here. You got a 95.” That made you smile. You were quite confident for the final, but hearing that you did well brightened up your day. “And that boosted up your grade to a 94, plus the extra credit, that will go up to a 97.”

Your eyes widened; you had passed both classes with an A, and you were extremely excited about that; and it takes everything in you to not jump up and scream. “Wow, thank you.”

“No need to thank me. You deserve it. I’m proud of you,” he smiles at you, and your heart swoons, telling him a thank you. “You graduate at the end of the week right?” You nod. “Excited?”

“Very. I really only needed to take this class, but I was putting it off because my friend took this course and said it was pretty sexual, and that made me a bit uncomfortable if I’m being honest. But I really enjoyed this class…you made it bearable.” Harry blushes, thinking how happy he is that you took the class with him.

“Well, I’m happy you enjoyed it,” he says .

There was silence that washed over you two with the slightest bit of tension; debating if either one should bring up what happened the last time you were in his office. You were feeling so many things at the moment, and he was too, but you were sure it was inappropriate to talk about it when technically, nothing even happened.

“I should get going,” you say instead.

“Sure thing. I’ll see you…uh, around,” he says hesitantly. You tell him goodbye and walk out of his office, probably the last time you would ever see him.

You had finally graduated, and you couldn’t be more happy and proud for yourself. A relieved feeling ran through you when you had put on your cap and gown, and the thought made you tear up. You were done, for now, before you had to go to grad school and get your masters degree. But either way, you were ecstatic.

Now a week has gone by since graduation, and you decided to do some errands. You also needed to make your way to the sex shop and return your item.

As you entered the door you had walked through once before, your eyes immediately spotted the familiar man who had made your heart flutter by the simple act of eye contact. And if it was by instincts, Harry turns his head towards the door and sees you standing at the entrance. He hadn’t seen you since the time in his office and he saw you walk for graduation, if that counts.

There was no way of avoiding him, so you walked over to him. “Hi, Mr Styles.”

“You know you don’t have to call me that anymore. You graduated already,” he smirks, and you chuckle.

“Then what should I call you?”

Yours. “Harry.”

You tilt your head to the side, seeing how fitting his name is on him. “Okay, Harry. What are you doing here anyways?” The question had slipped out of your mouth, but you think that there’s nothing awkward with it.

“Oh, uh, just looking for a cock ring,” he says honestly. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m actually returning my extra credit purchase,” you chuckle.

“Are ya? Why don't you keep it?”

“I don’t know…I actually never used a toy before, and I got a bit intimidated by it.” Harry nods understandingly.

“See, a win win for everyone. You either get your money back or you get a nice orgasm out of it,” he laughs, and you agree with him.“I think you should keep it. This is the time you get to explore your sexuality.” You debate a bit. He was right, and you did have some spare time as of now, so you decided to keep it; see what this thing can really do.

“If you’d like…would you like to get some lunch with me?” He asks, taking you out of your thoughts.

Your eyes brighten. “Of course.”

It was like you were waiting for this moment to come. You had waited for him to ask you out and properly get to know each other outside of school. Harry had taken you to a small shop that sold burgers and fries, and you two sat in the patio of the shop; talking, eating, and laughing at stories you told each other.

“Can I ask you something?” He nods, nervously. “When I told you I liked you in your office that one time, why didn’t you say anything back?”

“To be honest, I was nervous. You’re 22 and I’m six years older than you, and although that didn’t matter much to me, you were on the edge of graduating. I couldn’t risk that, even with how much I like you. The thought of getting caught and losing your chance to graduate, and possibly your acceptance for your masters, would just be selfish on my part because I couldn’t keep it in my pants… So I waited until you graduated; didn’t even know if I was going to see you again if I’m honest.”

You understood well on why he didn’t do anything to reciprocate his feelings, and you were grateful he didn’t until now.

By the end of it, you didn’t want the day to end so you invited him to your apartment.

You two sat on your couch, which thankfully you cleaned the place before, and talked some more and put on a movie. You two were inching closer to one another until you both were cuddling. You had rested your legs on his as he runs his fingers over your ankles, scratching your skin lightly.

You were breathing heavily, wanting to just make more than just innocent touches. As if Harry read your mind, he turned his head to look at you; a striking look in his eyes as you both look at each other. The air was heavy, sexual tension coming in hot.

“Harry…”

“Yes, love?”

“Kiss me.”

Harry wastes no time in connecting his lips with yours. The softness of your lips meeting his is enough to drive him crazy. The pull you have on his hair makes him let out a moan into your mouth as you whimper into his. Chests are pulled close together, but not close enough as the hold on each other is tight; afraid one might let go.

Harry found himself in your bedroom, and it seemed like he blanked out during that time. Your kisses probably just pulled him into another world, where he debated if this was real life or if he was dreaming it. It was all real, but it was lovely to dream about.

You sat on the bed as you continued to kiss while Harry was standing above you; him leaning down and you reaching up. You were close to his hard on, and it took everything in him not to drop his pants and have you taste him, but it wasn’t going to be about him.

This is going to be about you.

You’d managed to get both of your shirts off, wanting yourself bare and to see his chest. You were surprised with the amount of tattoos that littered his skin. It was beautiful and raw, and him. You went to press a kiss to the butterfly on his stomach; the only one you can reach, and trailing down to the vines on his hips. Harry throws his head back, loving the feeling of your lips on his. You reach for his pants and before you can fully unbutton, he stops you.

“No, no. Tonight’s about you, baby,” he says as his face is close to yours and he kisses the tip of your nose. You nod slightly, feeling yourself blush; and he pushes your shoulder back so you’re fully laying down on your bed. “You want this, right?” Your head nods quickly, enough to make yourself dizzy. “Need words, love.”

“Yes. I want this so bad.” The words come out quickly, eagerly. Harry smirks at your response, and kisses down your stomach towards the hem of your pants.

He fully removes your bottoms, only leaving your panties, and Harry thinks that you’re just a sight. “God, baby, you’re so beautiful,” he says smiling. His words made you blush, shying away from him by turning your head. “Nuh uh, don’t get shy on me now, my love. It’s just me. You’re comfortable with me, right?”

“Of course,” you respond, remembering that he prefers words rather than gestures.

“I’m glad.”

He continues kissing along the hem of your panties, teasing you slightly by dragging his tongue along your skin. The feeling makes you whimper and buck your hips slightly; wanting more than his kisses.

The fast motion of your panties swiftly being removed catches you off guard as you look down and see Harry looking at your bare pussy with hungry eyes. “Look at you. Fuck.” It takes everything in him to not devour you right then and there, but he wanted this moment to last and for you to enjoy yourself. He has been waiting for this moment the first time you walked into his office, and he couldn’t wait to get a taste of you.

“Harry…” you whimper.

“Yes?”

“Please just lick me already.”

Harry kneels on the floor, kissing your inner thighs before taking one long lick up your pussy. The feeling of his tongue makes you moan out loud from the built up tension that you’ve been filled up with since the beginning of the semester.

“Fuck, so good,” he says, going in for another lick, but doesn’t stop this time. He takes your clit into his mouth, sucking on it as well as giving it kitten licks. Your hands fall to his hair as you tug, and your face falls to the side as you try and drown your moans against the mattress.

You continue moaning, but they’re muffled and Harry looks up at you. “No, none of that. Don’t hide away your moans. Wanna hear ya, baby. Let me know I’m licking you up just right--just how you like it,” he says and gets back to eating you out. You give him an ‘okay’ before wailing out in pleasure.

The thought had surprised you as you’ve never been with anyone who made sure you were feeling good and alright. And you absolutely loved it.

Harry’s fingers enter you, pumping and curling and finding your g spot. “Fuck, you’re so wet. Who got you this wet?” He teases.

“You.”

“I did?”

“Yes. You, Mr Styles.” Although you have been calling that more than you called him Harry, his name coming out of your mouth as you’re a moaning mess makes his cock even harder. He stares at you above him with dark eyes and nibbles on the skin of your inner thighs.

“You say you wanna explore? That no one has ever taken the time to make you feel good? Is that right, baby?” He says as he continues fucking you with his fingers.

“Mhm. No one has ever fucked me good enough for me to stay,” you say in an innocent and teasing tone, knowing that Harry will be the exact person that will do that for you.

“How about we have a little fun? With a certain vibrator of yours that you decided not to return? Do ya want that?”

“God, yes please.” Harry kisses your stomach, up to your chest, and then your lips before his fingers slip out and he walks over to unbox the new vibrator. It was a vibrator that you were able to put inside you as it stimulated your clit, and Harry has been dying to use one on you the second you showed it to him for extra credit. You heard the toy turn on as Harry played with the settings.

“Ready?”

“Yes, I’m ready.”

Harry sets the vibrations to the lowest setting as he starts to tease your clit with it; slowly circling around it as you moan out from the new sensation. “Does that feel good? Do you want more?”

“Please. Give me more,” you say as you palm him over his underwear, but he pushes you away. “Baby, you’re hard. Let me touch you, please,” you plead.

“This is all about you, so be a good girl and just enjoy this,” he says and you close your eyes, waiting for what’s to come. Harry sets the setting a bit higher. The setting is on a medium level, more stimulations to your clit as Harry moves the toy around. “Holy shit, that feels so good,” you throw your head back onto the bed.

“Yeah? Good thing I told you to keep it. You can use this when I’m not here to fuck you, unless I tell you not to touch yourself and have you wait until I stuff myself in your tight pussy.” The dirty talk is driving you wild along with the vibrator. “Gonna put it higher,” he says and doesn’t wait for you to answer.

“Oh my...fuck!” The setting is at its highest along with the part of the toy that is inside you; Harry moving the toy around a bit so it can thrust inside of you. You’re completely thrashing around on the sheets, and Harry has to physically spread your legs apart as you keep trying to close them.

Harry lays beside you, kissing your chest and taking your pebbled nipple into his mouth and sucking on it. Your hand naturally finds his hair and pulls on it as you bring his face to yours, and he gives you a solid kiss. You hold him against you as there were no movements of your lips with his; just the touch of your lips together as you try to control your moans.

As you two part, you scream out, “I’m gonna fucking cum!”

“C’mon, let go for me, baby. Cum for me,” Harry encourages you.

After a few more thrusts and vibrations to your clit, your orgasm washes over you and hits you hard. Your back arched, and you turned, still feeling the stimulation from the toy.

“There ya go. That’s it,” Harry says as he slowly pulls the toy out and replacing it with his hand, gently cupping over you and feeling your wetness as you come down from your high. Your moans have been controlled, and you started whimpering from how powerful your peak was. “You’re okay. Shh. You’re okay, baby.”

You buried your face into Harry’s neck, and he scratches your back, calming you down. After a moment, you lift your head up and lazily smile at Harry, causing him to giggle a bit and kiss you. The kiss didn’t last long nor was it deepened; it was a sweet and loving kiss, and a thank you to him.

“Was that okay?” He asks.

“That was fucking amazing. Never came like that before,” you tell him honestly.

“Well, I’m glad,” he kisses your lips briefly as he couldn’t get enough of them.

“So…” you trail off.

“So…” he repeats.

“Do I get my extra credit?” You ask in a playful manner, and he laughs loud making your heart flutter over the beautiful sound of his laugh.

“Oh, baby. You get more than extra credit.”

feedback here <3

MASTERLIST

[pbandjesse]

Today was a mostly very good day! I slept better last night finally. It wasn't long enough but man was it better.

I woke up and felt better. The temperature was better in here and while my nose hurt I was in a lot better mood.

Me and James headed to work together. And it was a nice morning but man was it cold out. I did not wear a sweater today and that was a mistake. Stanley made sure the building was warm for me. Best guy.

I had a very full day. I was training Meril in the lights on, neighborhood, and city builders programs. So I would wait until she got in before going to set things up.

And it was a nice morning. Meril is fun and her brain moves as fast as mine so our conversations are a mile a minute. We had lights on first. So we went back to restoration to get all the materials. And I knocked over a can and made a huge commotion. But we laughed about it and we went to set up.

I ran through the program with her. And she would go back to the break room to read through the handbook. And I ate my sandwich.

Soon the school came. And they were so cute. Their uniforms were little red sweats and white sweatshirts with a dove. And they were the sweetest sweetest little babies. I would have 12 of them with me all day and honestly the teacher was the main reason it was so excellent. Because she was on it. Absolutely had a handle on them and they were so respectful but also fun and super smart! What an excellent day.

We would march around. Literally marched. Because Rosia was marching with her kids. So mine wanted to March. So we marched. And it was so silly.

Lights on makes me stressed. Because it's so hard to make it the entire hour an a half. That's such a long time. But because they were such an excellent group we actually filled the time.

We started with a circle up and we went through how you communicate and how you use light. And then it was time to make their boxes. And they did a great job. And as they finished their drawings and I attached them to the boxes they would go hang out and look at the gallery while everyone finished up.

And once we were all done we turned the lights off and I had them all chill in the last row of the theater. I was on the stage and would light up each box and have them guess what it is. And it was super silly and lots of laughs. And the boxes would look so good!! Very proud of them.

We had lots of time still so we went through the musuem looking for lights. And ended at the car. To sit and take pictures and play for a bit. And then it was lunchtime.

My slight stress started the. Because I got a weird email with some conflicting information and it just made me stressed. Like it's absolutely inconsequential. It does not matter at all. But man does it make my body think something is horribly wrong and I'm going to be in trouble. I needed to put it out of my head and get back to work.

I had two more programs with these sweet kids. We had a neighborhood tour and it was fun giving them their jobs and they did an excellent job. And then over to the classroom to do our city builders program and they loved it so much they all made a few pieces and our city was so well built! The chaperone and Meril and the teacher helped cut out the pieces and I folded and taped them and the kids were so sweet. Wanting to do a very good job.

I did my big collaborative story telling with them and we finished exactly on time and the teacher was like. Amazing time management!! Which made me feel really good.

I got lots of hugs and lots of this was the best feild trip and I dont want to leave!! And one can you in be my mom? And it was so silly. After I checked in with Jessica about leaving the classroom set up because we are using it again tomorrow, I would go and grab my bag and go to the front to give James a break.

But James did not get a real break. There was to much for them to do still. And then they had to run to a meeting.

They were obviously distressed. And I felt bad about that. I just want them to be happy and when they aren't because of work it upset me.

But things would be okay. James went to their meeting. I had a great conversation with a few guests. One couple had some questions about tariffs and the steel industry so we spent some time googling it and we seemed to figure out an answer that made some sense. And then I had a conversation with a lovely man who used to live at the coast guard cutter Taney and know all about the ships and that was really neat. Honestly everyone I talked to today was so nice.

James came back down at 3. I struggled to get the door locked and right before they came down I had to go find Stanley for help because I couldn't figure it out. But he helped me lock the door and everything was fine.

I got my stuff together and went to sit with James at the front. And once they were all put together we headed out together.

James drove us to target. So we could get a few things. They had the tiny market stalls I wanted for my table this year. And a few other things. Best of all James got me a new peep. In a beautiful aqua color. They are very soft and I love them.

Me and James would drive over to the new shake shack for dinner. I love their mushroom burger but I forgot how weak their fries are. So boring. Me and James agreed that the worst fries are the smiley face shaped ones. But our dinner and shared milkshake was really good and I was just happy to be with my husband.

When we got home I spent a little time putting things away. I got changed. And James was cleaning the bathroom floor. And then I posted up on the couch and worked on my printmaker bear who has lots of details and I love very much. Eventually I would take a bath and try to use a new gel on my hair. And now me and James are in bed. And I am tired but not in the worst way. I think it'll be easier to sleep. And tomorrow is another busy day. All the same programs! But I think it'll be good. Because today was so good.

So wish me luck. Sleep well and take care of yourself! Goodnight!

[tinalbion]

Whooooo open asks! So uh, in honor of a recent discovery about which my RL fiancé was surprisingly cool: can I get Freddy, Leslie, Norman and Ash reacting to their s/o coming out as bisexual? Consider this a late Coming Out Day ask if you want :)

Ooh, welcome to the Bi Pals Club, Page! I’m very happy that your fiance was super cool about it, we love when they’re understanding and accepting, my s/o was also accepting of it and it didn’t bother him in the slightest, so we both ended up being lucky on that! Sorry that this is late, but happy coming out day to you, love! I know the boys would be more than accepting! 🥰 For the boys though, I’ll be using Evil Dead Ash and ‘Bates Motel’ Norman Bates~ Hope that’s okay! If not, let me know!

Freddy Krueger, Leslie Vernon, Norman Bates, and Ash Williams x Bisexual Reader

Rating: Cute soft fluff, a little bit of an asshole ex.

Length: 2.1k

Freddy

The day you came out as bisexual was one to remember, mostly for you, but Freddy would probably pass it off as a distant memory sooner rather than later. It was a rather large deal for you when it happened as you two were together as you normally ended up being as you slept, and it kind of accidentally slipped up as you were recalling the days of your past to him.

Freddy would sometimes ask, though it wasn't often that he'd want to reminisce of the past, whether it was his own or someone else's, but once in a great while he'd ask about certain things.

Today's question was something along the lines of how your time was in school since you seemed to have knowledge of random things you went to school for, and he was curious if you had ever gone to college. He could have if the circumstances were built in his favor, but when he was mulling things over in his head as you were rambling, he overheard something interesting.

"Wait, wait, back up. Did you just say you had a girlfriend in college?" Freddy asked with a smooth tone.

You paused and looked at him, a look of confusion crossed your face until your eyes lit up and you laughed. "Oh shit, I never told you? Yeah, I dated this girl freshman year, we were steady for about two years until we broke up."

Freddy sat there and stared at you, almost stunned at the confession. "So you're telling me you've dated a woman and you decided to just never bring this up in conversation? C'mon, you're holding out on all the juicy and explicit details, aren't cha, babe?"

You blushed and tried to cover your face at the mere thought of recalling your sexual adventure with your ex-girlfriend, it wasn't the thing you figured you'd want to bring up in casual conversation.

"Well I didn't think it would have been the best conversation to have, Fred," you explained, your face still beet red.

Freddy shrugged, trying his best to look as innocent as possible. "I don't see why not, I bet you can recall just how sexy the experience had been, huh?" He nudged your shoulder and gave you a weird smile.

"At least I know you don't mind me being bi," you said honestly, smiling at him as you place a kiss on the tip of his nose.

Freddy couldn't help but laugh. "I'm a little offended you didn't offer up this little slice of information sooner, babe, really upsetting. You know communication is important."

He was teasing you as he always would and you punched him in the shoulder. "Shut up, you ass."

You both couldn't help but break out into a fit of laughter.

Leslie

Talking to Leslie was the easiest thing in the world to do, it always came naturally and he never made you feel less of a person when you shared a view that differed from his. He had always respected everything you said, hence why you both got along so well and grew as close as you did. You shared in his love of media and that’s how you two met: he ended up in the small cafe in town and overheard you on the phone having an argument about seeing a movie, your date canceled and that was the last straw of all the bullshit they put you through. The fifth canceled date in a row, you barely spent any time together anymore and you couldn’t handle it. They refused to hear you out and then you called it quits as you stomped outside to take the call where the large group wouldn’t hear all of the dirty details.

He did though, he followed behind you, pretending to leave with his tea in hand, pretending to glance at his phone as you groaned as you hung up on your s/o, and then you broke down behind the building where the trees would cover you from the public.

“Hope you’re okay, kid,” he said, passing you along the way as he walked, sipping at his tea. “Besides, your beau has shit movie taste. I wouldn’t stand you up, seeing THAT on the big screen? Classic.”

Then he walked off, leaving you blinking in confusion through your tears as you held your phone. At first, you thought it was weird, then you saw him again and again, so you guys started talking more until you both found yourselves in the movie theater, your attention stolen by the film playing. Leslie couldn’t help but watch you from the corner of his eye every once in a while and then grabbed your hand, placing a gentle kiss on your knuckles. You turned to look at him and smiled awkwardly.

After the movie, you both left and walked along through the neighborhood, just the two of you getting to know one another as you took in the familiar sights of the town, the smell of rain coming. Listening to his adventures and the stories he offered was incredible, he seemed like such a knowledgeable and well-rounded guy.

Of course, your phone rang and cut him off, so you looked and groaned in disgust when you saw it was your ex once again, leaving what would be the fifth voicemail that day.

“Fucking ridiculous,” you mumbled.

Leslie sighed and walked closer, looking over at the frustration in your face. “What, he bothering you again?”

You sighed and chuckled. “Yeah, SHE is,” you emphasized. You looked up and eyed Leslie, wondering how he’d react to that news. “I’m bi, I hope that doesn’t ruin the image of me for you.”

He scoffed and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into him. “If you think THAT’S gonna be the deal-breaker, you’re dead wrong, babe. You can be whatever you want, that ain’t a bad thing. Besides, you gotta tell me if I kiss you better than she does.” He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your lips, causing you to gasp but absolutely melt into it.

Internally, you were thankful he saw that you were worth sticking around for.

Norman

Staying so long in the motel wasn’t exactly ideal, so after months of seeing Norman, he finally welcomed you into his home. He needed much time to figure things out and wanted it to be perfect for when you came in for the first time. He was a rather secluded man, but not everyone moved so quickly in life, that’s what you loved about him.

After you grabbed your luggage and walked into his home for the first time, you were stunned with how large it was on the inside and just how homey it looked. Your eyes were scanning each room as he took you on the house tour, grabbing your suitcases for you as you got to wander around.

“It reminds me of my old girlfriend’s house, it gives me some really nice vibes in here.”

Norman looked up at you and tilted his head. “What?”

You looked over at him with your kind smile. “My ex, her family lived comfortably in a house similar to this one. I got to visit every weekend since they had a pool.” It didn’t process with you that Norman hadn’t known about your past lovers, and he seemed a tad bit uncomfortable. You took notice when his expression dropped and he suddenly got quiet.

With a smile, you walked over to him and rested your head on his shoulder, placing a small and tender kiss on his cheek. “But your house looks better.”

“Oh-oh yeah? How so?” He was unsure where to take the conversation, he wasn’t sure how to add up, his mind wheeling with so many ‘what if’ situations until you placed that kiss on his cheek.

“Because you’re in this one, of course.”

Norman looked at you and saw your smile, peering into your large and innocent eyes, he couldn’t help but feel a bit possessive over you. “You know, my mother would probably dislike your past…”

You tilted your head. “And what do you think of it?”

He assessed this question carefully, allowing himself to think for himself, not letting Mother dictate how felt for once. “I feel that it was in the past and that you’re happy with me now.”

The smile on your face widened. “Exactly. I am bi, yes, but that doesn’t mean I love you any less, Norman, you got it?”

His voice seemed so small, so delicate right now. “You promise?”

Your laugh echoed through the house. “I promise with all of my heart.”

He placed your things beside your bed in your new room and walked up to you with more confidence than he had before, placing both hands on either side of your face, then pulled you into a soft and chaste kiss. You hummed against his mouth and smiled.

Ash

Of course, you were destined to run into the most eligible bachelor of the town sooner rather than later, and you hit it off quite well. More than Ash himself had expected, too. He was really digging you, the whole relationship thing was almost like a curse for him, but he made damn sure that the mere thought of the cabin was far out of his mind. He would NEVER bring anyone there again and he hoped it would magically catch on fire and burn to the ground.

You were blissfully ignorant to the things that happened there as you looked at Ash across the booth and smiled as you quickly covered your face with the food menu. He peeked his head over it and pulled it down to look you directly in the face.

“What, babe, you hidin’ that gorgeous smile from me?”

You giggled and brought your gaze back to the menu. “I’m only looking for what sounds good right now. What are you getting? I can’t decide.”

Ash grinned and looked at you, raising a single brow. “You already know what you want, don’t cha, babe?” He was much more confident when you were around, you made him feel like the king he had built himself to be.

You blushed and once again hid your face. “Sh-shut up, Ash, you jerk.”

He laughed and lifted his foot to touch your leg, getting your attention again, and as you looked up, about to playfully scold him, your face froze and your expression looked shocked. Ash was laughing until he saw the look on your face, then followed your gaze to a woman around your age standing at the end of your table.

“Hey y/n,” she greeted sheepishly.

“Uh, hi…”

Ash looked back at you and then at the woman. The stranger caught his glance and smiled awkwardly. “Oh, I didn’t mean to interrupt you guys, I just saw y/n and well, it’s been a while.”

You shot your hand over the table and grabbed Ash’s hand, glaring daggers into the woman. “I’m on a date here, I think you should leave.”

Ash’s grip on your hand tightened and it brought you back to the headspace you were drifting to. “Don’t worry babe, want me to escort her out of here?”

Your ex held up her hands and backed off. “I see how it is, y/n, it’s whatever. I’ll leave you to your date, then.”

The woman walked away and you were in the booth trying to calm your breathing, which left Ash sitting there feeling more confused than anything. “So uh, who was that?”

You looked at him and almost looked embarrassed. “That was my ex. She and I didn’t part ways very calmly and I cut her out of my life as much as I could, but of course, she still finds ways to get under my skin.”

“Your ex, huh?”

You sighed and pulled your hand away, placing it in your lap. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you…”

Ash seemed lost. “Tell me what? Not like you planned on her showing up, unless you did, then we’d definitely have to have-”

“No, Ash, I meant I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you I was bi.”

He tilted his head and scoffed. “Why the hell would you apologize about that? That doesn’t affect the way I look at you, ya know.”

Your head perked up and you smiled. “It doesn’t?”

He smirked and stood up, sliding into the seat next to you, and wrapped an arm around your shoulder. “C’mon babe, I thought you knew me better than that. That’s just who you are, I wouldn’t want you to change that. Now gimme some sugar.”

He placed his hand on your chin and pulled you in close, kissing you tenderly in the booth as you wrapped your arms around him, smiling against his lips.

“You’re the king, you know that?”

He chuckled. “I know.”

[imjustwritingg]

pillow talk

This was supposed to be a quick one-shot, a continuation of 8x04, but when I started writing I couldn’t stop and Upstead kinda just took over my brain. It’s a long one. Enjoy and let me know what you think. 💜

Also here: AO3 & FanFic.Net 

---

pillow talk: the intimate, authentic, unguarded conversation that occurs between two lovers

---

Hailey can tell by the look on Jay’s face that he knows she’s lying, but he doesn’t call her out on it. He doesn’t say a word, just watches her with concerned eyes as he takes a long swig from his bottle of beer.

“You staying?”

It’s a weak attempt to change the subject, but Hailey needs them to talk about anything else other than her father at the moment

“If you want me to,” he says.

“It was implied by my asking.”

Jay rolls his eyes at the way she smirks at him, but takes a step forward and braces himself against her kitchen island.

“Then I’m staying. I may or may not already have a bag down in the truck.”

Hailey raises a perfectly arched eyebrow at him, but he shrugs it off with a small smile.

“I figured if I was gonna spend the night again we shouldn’t have another occurrence of me wearing the same clothes two days in a row. The team is bound to notice if they haven’t already’,” he tells her.

“Well, if they noticed they aren’t talking. Go get your bag and I’ll heat up the pizza from last night.”

Hailey tosses him her keys and then he’s gone. She locks the door behind him, the cop in her being cautious, and gets to reheating the pizza as promised.

While the food is warming in the oven – because leftover Bartoli’s in the microwave just doesn’t taste the same, Hailey changes out of her jeans and sweatshirt into a pair of baggy sweats and a tee. She’s just pulled her hair out of its tie when she hears the click of her front door. She steps out of her bedroom into the main room of her apartment and meets her partner in the entryway with a duffel slung over his shoulder.

“Pizza’s in the oven. You have some time if you wanna change first,” Hailey tells him.

Jay smiles at her and makes his way towards her. He reaches his free hand up to her face, cups her cheek in his palm, and then leans down to brush his lips against her forehead. A silent thank you. His lips are gone a moment later and he just smiles at her again with soft eyes as he steps around her.

Hailey finds herself smiling as she watches him walk away and disappear into her bedroom. She knows he’s always been a man of action, rarely being able to voice his feelings so instead he shows her in other ways.

Like how his eyes always find hers in the bullpen during a tough case. An unspoken question of “are you okay?”

The way he squeezes her shoulder when no one’s looking. A gentle reminder that he’s there for her.

How he always gets her a cup of her favorite coffee when he’s getting his own before work because he knows she runs on caffeine. To show her he cares.

Hailey realizes then as she finally makes her way back to the kitchen area, a grin still plastered on her face, that her smiling has become an almost permanent fixture since the night Jay kissed her at the bar. She lets out a sigh of contentment as the memory of that night comes back to her, and she has to bite her lip from smiling even harder as she checks the oven to find their dinner is ready. She takes the pizza out and plates a couple slices each for her and Jay before calling out to him that the food is ready.  

Hailey knows he’s heard her. Her new place isn’t small by any means, big enough for her and the company she keeps, but it’s not nearly as big as her condo was in Lincoln Park. She found herself hating the large amount of space and the sheer silence she’d return to after work, especially after Vanessa was gone. So, she sold it and found a new home, enjoying the smaller space she now resided in.

Jay emerges from the bedroom in his own sweats and a t-shirt a moment later, and meets her at the island. He picks up their beers from the counter and follows her to the couch as she carries their plates. Hailey turns the television on and they eat in silence while they watch highlights of some hockey game from the night before.

Once they’ve finished eating, they abandon their dishes to the coffee table, and Hailey notices how they’ve only gotten closer on her couch. They’re drawn together almost like magnets. At some point Jay’s hand had found her leg as she stretched out next to him to rest her socked feet on the table in front of them. He’s got a gentle hold on her upper thigh and her hand moves over his arm, drawing invisible patterns with her fingertips.

They’d slept together for the first time two days ago, but somehow the awkwardness that a small part of Hailey had anticipated there being between them just doesn’t seem to exist. There is nothing, but comfortability, a sense of domesticity that surrounds them, as if they’ve been doing this dance for a lot longer than forty-eight hours.

While Hailey’s fingers continue their movement against his skin, Jay glances over at her and smiles at the look on her face. She’s still very much awake, but he can tell she’s tired by the way her eyes blink slowly. It’s been a long couple days between finding the murderer of a slain cop and dealing with the situation of her father.

“You wanna go to bed?” He asks as he gives her leg a light squeeze.

Hailey looks over her shoulder to peek at the clock on her stove before turning back towards him. It’s almost nine.

“Not yet. If I sleep now I’ll be up way too early.”

Jay understands, having been there himself many times before where he didn’t know when or if sleep would come to him, and so he just nods as he squeezes her leg again. He feels her move next to him and watches as she tucks her legs under her, and then leans into his side. He moves an arm around her to pull her closer and she rests her head against the crook of his shoulder. She’s got her hand on his leg now, still needing to touch him with her fingers. A new thing that has developed since the morning they woke up together for the first time and they found themselves unable to keep their hands off of one another.

Jay can tell she’s thinking about something, maybe too hard, as he looks down at her and notices she’s staring off and no longer paying attention to the television, but he doesn’t say anything. He just moves his hand down her arm to run his fingers over her skin, another reminder to let her know he’s there. That’s he with her. He can’t help the smug smile that creeps out on his face when he feels the tiny shiver that moves over her at the feel of his touch.

He knows not to push her though. He learned that quickly earlier in the day when he thought he was helping her with her father. He wouldn’t soon forget the look on her face and the tears in her eyes when she’d revealed a small bit to him about her past.

“You don’t know the half of it...”

Those words have been lingering in the back of his head since she’d spoken them and he didn’t see that changing anytime soon. He didn’t know. And that killed him, but he knew her well enough to know that she’d tell him eventually. That she trusted him enough to tell him everything about herself when she was ready.

Jay had always felt protective over Hailey, even before they started this new thing between them. She’s his partner, his best friend, but hearing those words from her yesterday in the hallway made him feel unrelenting anger towards her father and he suddenly feels a sense of pride for the woman beside him. He’s so proud of her for not going to see the man who abused her. He may not know the details yet, but he knows enough to be able to say that Hailey doesn’t owe anyone forgiveness, and anyone who has hurt her sure as hell doesn’t deserve it.

He feels her move against him again, turning her head deeper into his shoulder, and then she’s breathing him in and he lowers his head just a few inches to drop a kiss into her hair. He moves his other arm hanging over the back of the couch and takes hold of her hand against his leg. He squeezes her fingers in his and faintly hears her mumbling into his shirt.

“What was that?” Jay asks her, his voice low as he looks down at her.

He feels her squeeze his fingers in return and she angles her head just enough to look him in the eyes when she speaks again.

“I said I like this,” she says.

Jay knows immediately what she’s referring to and he smiles at her. “I like it too.”

“It should feel weird, but it doesn’t. It’s like nothing has changed between us,” she admits and he notices the way her eyes dart between looking at him directly and looking anywhere else.

“Some things have changed,” he says. He quirks his eyebrows at her and there’s a suggestive smirk on his face which makes her roll her eyes at his lack of subtlety, but she’s smiling now.

They haven’t talked about what this is between them yet. What it means or what they are or where they go from here, but the somewhat nervous look in her eyes and the way he can tell she’s biting the inside of her cheek through her smile makes him grin. She looks adorable and all he wants is to kiss her nerves away so that’s just what he does.

He lifts his hand and weaves his fingers through her hair, holding the back of her head as he leans down and captures her lips with his own. She’s kissing him back immediately and he doesn’t miss the throaty moan that escapes her when his tongue slips past her lips to meet her own. It’s something new they’ve only just learned with one another. The way their lips move in sync with one another’s, how to make each other shiver and moan beneath the other’s touch, but it also feels as though they’ve done it a million times before now.

When they break away, the sight of her blue eyes staring back at him and the hazy look residing in them makes his heart ache in a good way, and he smiles down at her. There’s a fleeting moment where he realizes then just how hard he’s fallen for his partner. This woman who pulled him back from his dark days and bad decisions, who was patient, but pushy. This woman who saved his life, who never stopped showing him she cared, that she was there, that she was always in his corner. This woman who he is completely in love with.

And if it wasn’t for the fact that they’d only just fully started this thing between them mere days ago, he’d be saying those words out loud to her right there as they were pressed against each another on her couch. He holds the words in though, not wanting to make this moment between them any heavier, not wanting to freak her out even though he’s certain that she feels it too.

He’s quickly pulled out of his thoughts when he feels her hand against his cheek, thumb brushing over his stubble and a smile spread across her face. He realizes then he’s been staring at her the whole time he’s been lost in his realization of just how deep his feelings go for her.

“Let’s go to bed,” she tells him.

“Thought you said you couldn’t sleep yet.”

Hailey shakes her head at him, not breaking their eye contact, and he gets it then. There is a look of something in her eyes that tells him she is nowhere near wanting to sleep anytime soon.

“I didn’t say I wanted to sleep,” she nearly purrs at him as she voices his assumption out loud.

Hailey pulls herself away from him and stands from the couch, ignoring the plates and bottles on her coffee table, and reaches for his hands. He stands and follows her as she walks backward towards the bedroom, pulling him with her. Her hands let go of his as they near the side of her bed, eyes never leaving his, and she reaches for the bottom of his shirt. He lets her pull it up and over him before she tosses it to the floor, and then her hands are on him. She glides them across his stomach and up his chest, before settling around the back of his neck so she can pull him down closer to her level and kiss him some more.

There’s a guttural moan that escapes her again as Jay deepens the kiss and his hands find their way below her own shirt, his fingers ghosting over her warm skin and leaving a trail of goosebumps in their place. His hands grip her sides, fingers slipping below the band of her sweatpants for a mere second before he pushes them down and they pool to the floor at their feet. Her underwear follows a second later and Hailey kicks them off as Jay moves closer to her. His proximity forces her to take a step back, but she goes willingly.

When Hailey feels the bed behind her, she turns and pushes Jay down to it and he pulls her with him. She falls on top of him as gracefully as she can in the heat of the moment, but Jay holds her over him easily with his hands on her hips. Hailey leans over him and then he’s squeezing the tops of her thighs, then her backside before dragging his hands up her back beneath her shirt.

He sits up with her in his lap then, her legs on either side of him, and pulls her shirt over her head before moving his attention to her neck, needing to taste her somehow. He nips and sucks as he explores the new, but familiar skin while Hailey’s hands fumble down his chest and back up his torso to move through his short hair. She’s deliriously distracted by the feel of Jay’s lips on her, letting out a gasp when he grips her hips again, tightly, and rolls them so he’s on top now.

Hailey nearly growls at him as he’s already taken control in the bedroom, but it’s fleeting when she realizes she still has a slight upper hand on him. She is able to push and pull at the waistbands of both his sweatpants and boxers now until they fall over his hips and he kicks them off at the foot of the bed.

Jay presses his lips to hers as he pulls the duvet up over them. He’s leaning over, trying to keep most of his weight on one arm so he doesn’t crush her, but Hailey just pulls him flush against her. They’re pressed so close together, skin against skin. There’s no sure way to determine where either of them end or begin as legs tangle, hands roam through hair, tongues explore, and fingers travel over skin. It’s electrifying, but that familiarity they’ve come to know hangs over them.

The last coherent thing Hailey remembers is the way Jay feels moving on top of her, how his eyes somehow find hers through the dimly lit room and is able to say so many things to her without uttering a single word. How she’s left thinking about how she is undeniably and so incredibly deep in love with this man as he takes her over the edge with him.

---

They’re still pressed against one another, both their bodies left in a residual state of ecstasy, as they lie under the covers. Hailey’s never really been the cuddling after sex type of woman. She doesn’t like showing her vulnerable side, but as she lies in her bed with her partner beside her, she thinks it’s something she wouldn’t mind doing every day for the rest of her life as long as it’s with him.

Jay props himself up on one elbow while she lies on her side facing him. His free hand rests over her backside above the covers, holding her close, while her fingers have gone back to drawing nonsense on his skin. All he can do is smile at her, completely amused by her, as she starts some rendition of connect the dots with the freckles splayed across his chest.

“You enjoying yourself?” He asks.

His soft smile turns into a teasing grin as she glances up at him and rolls her eyes at him, but her fingers don’t stop moving.

“I am actually. So many freckles.”

“I’m glad someone appreciates them. I was teased so bad in elementary school because of ‘em,” he tells her.

“You were probably so cute as a kid though,” she says absentmindedly, fingers still moving over his skin.

“I like to think I’m still cute,” he counters.

“Eh,” she says, pulling a hand back for a moment to give a back and forth gesture for good measure.

“You’re funny,” he says, sneaking his hand up behind her under the covers to run the tips of his fingers across her rib cage. She wiggles against him, trying to hold back a laugh.

“You’re not ticklish are ya, Hails?”

She shakes her head. “Not at all.”

“Not at all, hmmm?” He asks as he runs his fingers over her skin again and she wiggles once more before a loud laugh escapes her.

“Ok, maybe a little. You should know that I cannot be held accountable for my actions if you don’t stop.”

Jay knows she isn’t serious in the slightest and lets out a laugh. He stills his fingers, but keeps his hand on her hip under the covers and gives her a light squeeze.

There’s a moment silence that settles over them as Hailey’s fingers move across his chest before they stop suddenly and Jay catches her staring. His eyes follow hers, and he sees her index finger just shy of the scar below his shoulder. He watches her as she hesitates another moment before running the tip of her finger over the skin slowly, carefully, as if she’s afraid she’ll damage him somehow.

“Does it ever hurt?” She asks him then, but her eyes don’t leave the tarnished pink skin.

“Not anymore. Physical therapy helped with the stiffness. Now it’s just a reminder of how stupid I can be.”

Hailey shakes her head at him, her eyes finding his.

“You can be a little reckless maybe, but you’re not stupid. You just have a big heart. It’s one of the things I like most about you,” she tells him.

Her tone is quiet and sincere, but he recognizes a hint of sadness in her voice as she speaks and he can tell she’s thinking over something in her head.

“I have a question,” he says a beat later.

“Oh boy,” she groans out.

“It’s nothing bad. Just curiosity,” he assures her.

Hailey only nods and waits for him to continue.

“You said the other night that it’s been a long time for you since you saw me as just your partner,” he says and watches her smile at the memory.

“I did.”

“When did it change for you?”

Jay watches her as she takes a deep breath, no doubt the question taking her by surprise. Her fingers stop moving against him and she moves her hand down his chest to his waist. There’s virtually no space between them, but she somehow inches closer, holding him against her. He drops his elbow to lie straight on his side next to her and can’t help himself as he runs his fingers through her hair to the top of her head, needing to always be touching her now.

Hailey takes another deep breath, trying to find the words to answer his question, and she squeezes her hand against his hip again before she lifts her eyes to his. She needs to look at him when she answers him.

“I think it was maybe after your dad died. You got shot and I found you in the street. I just lost it. I thought you were dead. I went out drinking with Adam that night, trying to wrap my head around everything. Trying to ignore everything. I needed a distraction and then, well, you know what happened after that.”

Hailey watches as his eyes grow a bit wider at her admission. She can tell he’s not upset, not angry with her. He couldn’t be. But she does see a slight look of realization in his eyes.

“I didn’t know it was that night,” he says. He’s not sure how he’d never known that detail.

Hailey swallows a large lump in her throat that she hadn’t noticed was forming during her confession. She forces it down and squeezes his side again, letting out a long sigh.

“I was a wreck Jay. He was there. A warm body to sleep next to. I didn’t think anything would come of it,” she explains.

“I’m not judging,” he tries to assure her, looking right at her, almost through her as he notices tears in her eyes now.

She knows she doesn’t owe him any further explanation, but she can’t stop herself or the words from pouring out of her now.

“What happened with Adam wasn’t serious and I knew it wouldn’t be, even if it did last longer than I expected. I tried for a while to bottle it all up, push down my feelings for you. We’re partners, ya know? All I could think about was what happened with me and Garrett, with you and Erin. And then things just spiraled after that. Al died and Antonio left. Kelton was on a warpath. Then you got shot again last year and that time I really did almost lost you.”

Jay nods in understanding. He knows about Garrett, what she’s shared of her relationship with him, and he knows it destroyed her when she lost him. Jay’s own relationship with Erin ended poorly to put it lightly, and the rest were ripple effects of unforeseen circumstances and bad timing. There’s a somewhat sad, reminiscent look on Hailey’s face now as he leans his head down towards hers. He moves his hand up her body and holds the side of her face.

“The awful things that have happened, none of that’s on you,” he tells her. He needs her to know that none of it is her fault. That he doesn’t blame her. That he never has, never could.

“Trust me, I didn’t exactly plan on falling for another partner,” she attempts to joke. He gives her a side eye and notices a tiny twitch of a smile peek out at the corners of her mouth.

“Yeah, you kinda came out of nowhere for me too,” he tells her.

Jay smiles sweetly at her before closing the remaining gap between them and presses his lips against hers. It’s sweet and slow, and she kisses him back just the same.

“When did it change for you?” She finds herself asking when they finally pull away.

“I think I was a little later to the game than you, but not by much,” he says honestly. Hailey just smiles softly at him and waits for him to go on.

“It was that domestic case with the Alderman’s wife and that kid, Devin. I just remember seeing how it was affecting you and wanting to protect you. Be there for you. We had drinks at your place that one night, then Adam showed up. I got really jealous when I realized he had you and I didn’t.”

Her hand finds its way to the back of his head then, holding him to her for a millisecond before she kisses him just as softly as he’d done to her moments ago. It’s quick, but sincere, and she finds herself mesmerized as she stares into his green eyes when they pull away.

“He never had me, not like you. Not like this,” she whispers.

And then he’s kissing her again. It’s the closest they’ve come to saying those words and he tries with everything in him to say the words he wants to say out loud with his lips against hers instead. They get lost in the softness and the tenderness, and then the moment is broken by the ringing of a phone coming from her nightstand beside them.

Jay groans against her lips as they pull away and Hailey just smiles at him, knowing they’re both thinking the same thing. That phones are not their friend when they’re in bed together. She turns in his arms and reaches for her phone that has once again broken a moment between them, but the grin on her face doesn’t go unnoticed by her partner when she looks at the screen.

“Who is it?”

“Vanessa wants to FaceTime. I haven’t spoken to her since before New York,” she tells him.

He nods down at the phone in her hands. “You better answer it then. A pissed off Rojas is no joke.”

Hailey’s smile widens and she kisses him once more before turning to reach for her shirt on the floor. She pulls it on quickly to cover herself, then leans back against her headboard and swipes to answer the video call.

When she sees Vanessa’s face on the screen, the younger officer’s grin matches Hailey’s and she immediately goes into it with the blonde.

“Hi my favorite roomie! I miss you so much. I’m finally back to real life and I needed to talk to you. How are you? How’s the team? How was New York? Tell me everything! I miss you guys!”

“Hey V! I better be your favorite roomie and I miss you too! I’m good, the team is good, New York was alright. Glad to be home though. How was the case? And where are you?”

The blonde notices her friend isn’t in a hotel or a room of some kind, rather sitting against a wall in some sort of plastic chair.

Jay smiles at the interaction between the two women that have become fast friends, smiling wider at the one beside him when he notices the look of pure happiness and contentment on her face. It’s a sight he loves to see on her so he sits back against the headboard and just watches her.

“I should also tell you I’m not alone,” he hears Hailey tell the younger woman a few seconds later. He glances at the phone in Hailey’s hand in time to catch the curious look on Vanessa’s face.

“I’m at the airport about to catch a flight back to Chicago. The case took me to Boston for a bit. But what do you mean you’re not alone?” Vanessa asks.

Hailey scrunches her face, smiling sheepishly, and glances over at Jay for a moment who just smiles and nods, knowing what she’s asking.

“Well...” Hailey begins and then she turns the phone just enough for Vanessa to catch sight of a shirtless Jay sitting beside her.

Neither of them misses the bulging eyes of the girl on the phone and they both laugh, and then Jay waves.

“Hi Vanessa,” he says.  

“Well hello, Halstead. Fancy seeing you in Hailey’s bed and shirtless, no less,” the young woman teases with raised eyebrows.

Jay just smiles and nods, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink that makes Hailey laugh.

“All I have to say is it’s about damn time. What’s it been? Like a year since the hospital thing, Hails?”

Hailey’s eyes bug out and she shoots a glare at Vanessa, but not before catching the curious look on Jay’s face. She can already see the wheels turning in his head.

And she’s right. His mind starts playing flashbacks of that day he was released from the hospital and she came to pick him up. When they had once again been interrupted by a phone and he almost screwed up again. He remembers how she had said she wanted to tell him something, but she never did.

“Uh, yeah. It’s been a while,” Hailey says, looking back at her phone.

“Well whatever happened, I’m glad it did. You guys are both so clueless and stubborn,” Vanessa says with a shake of her head.

There’s a distant voice from somewhere in the background and the look on Vanessa’s face tells Hailey their time together is about to be cut short.

“They’re starting to board. I gotta go, but as soon as I’m back we have to get together. I want all the details my friend,” Vanessa winks through the phone.

“Oh god,” she hears Jay scoff from beside her and she laughs again before nodding at her former roommate.

“Be safe and text me when you land,” Hailey tells her and watches as Vanessa rolls her eyes.

“Yes mom,” she teases.

“We can be lazy this weekend with some Grub Hub and Netflix, and catch up on everything,” Hailey suggests.

“Sounds good to me. I love you lots and I’ll see you soon. Bye Jay!”

Hailey turns the phone back towards Jay and he waves again. “Bye Vanessa. Be safe.”

They disconnect a moment later and Hailey places her phone back on the nightstand before she turns to look at Jay who has a shit eating grin on his face now.

“What?”

“That day in the hospital,” is all he says and she rolls her eyes at him.

“You caught that huh?”

“Damn right, I caught that. You were gonna tell me you like me,” he teases her.

Hailey feels the heat in her cheeks almost instantly and she looks anywhere, but at his face. She tries to distract herself with the corner of the duvet that rests over them in her bed, but he reaches for one of her hands and laces his fingers through hers. She tilts her face towards him and catches his bright green eyes staring back at her, a grin still fixated on his own face.

“I like you too,” he says with a squeeze of her hand.

“I thought you might,” she tells him, unable to stop herself from grinning right back at him.

There’s another moment and then he can’t stop himself when he says, “I really like you.”

Hailey nods in silent agreement knowing exactly what he means and what he’s trying to say, but also knowing they don’t need to say those words just yet. She knows this thing between them is real, that it’s the long-haul type of deal. She knows that even though he’s never been good with his emotions, he’s somehow good with them when it comes to her and she realizes she doesn’t need to hear the words just yet. That she wants to bask in the newness of them for just a little while longer.

And for a few more moments she does until the day catches up to her and she realizes what she had done earlier. How she lied to him in her kitchen and a feeling she doesn’t like creeps up inside of her. A feeling that she doesn’t want this new thing between them to start out on a lie, however minuscule and necessary it may have been hours ago when she’d done it.

“Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“I lied to you,” she says before she loses her nerve.

He raises an eyebrow at her, not sure exactly what she means, and then he smirks at her to lighten the slight tension he notices has formed between them.

“What, you don’t actually like me?” He teases.

“No. I mean, yes. Ugh. Yes, I like you, but no, that’s not it,” she says as she takes her free hand and runs it though her hand nervously.

“What is it?” He coaxes. The look on her face tells him they’re about to have another one of their heavy moments.

“Um, when you first got here. I told you that my dad was good, that I talked to him, but I didn’t talk to him. I stared at him through the window of his room and then I left. I just, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it, I - “

“You don’t need to explain yourself Hailey. Not to me,” he tells her while squeezing her fingers against his.

“But I lied to you.”

“I already knew you lied and I get why you did it. I knew you’d talk to me about it when you were ready.”

“How did you know that?” She asks him.

“Because I just know you Hails.”

Jay notices the look in her eyes then, a tiny bit of confusion and as if she’s waiting for more. He feels the way her hand is almost trembling in his now and he realizes that she’s expecting him to be angry with her. It’s what she has witnessed with her parents and what she was used to seeing as a kid. It’s as if she almost expects the anger and hostility to come, but it doesn’t. It won’t. Not with Jay.

He is sure she knows he would never hurt her, but a part of him feels like he needs to remind her. Because the way she’s looking at him with tears glistening in her eyes again is making his heart constrict almost painfully. He just wants to wrap his arms around her and shield her from everything, but he knows he can’t and he knows she wouldn’t let him.

“Can I say something?”

Hailey can tell he’s treading carefully by the tone in his voice. He’s always careful with her, but not in an overbearing way, and at that moment she’s grateful despite the tiny part of her that is feeling nervous over the words he could say. She nods at him anyway and watches him take a quick, deep breath before he speaks again.

“I really am sorry for yesterday when we were questioning Zach. You thought I was talking about you when we were pushing him, and maybe subconsciously I was, but it wasn’t my intention to make you feel bad about the situation.”

He pauses for a moment letting his words sink in before he squeezes her hand yet again and continues.

“I know I don’t know the full extent of what happened to you, of what you experienced with your dad, with any of it, and I would never try to force you into saying or doing something you don’t wanna do. That you’re not ready to do. I also know that you’d kick my ass if I ever tried to boss you around like that.”

He gets her to smile like he hoped he would and then pulls his hand from hers to hold the side of her face.

“I’ve told you before we’re good. We’ll always be good. That hasn’t changed and it’s not going to,” he tells her.

“And one more thing? While we’re touching on this subject at least,” he adds before she can say anything.

“What’s that?” She asks him as she sniffs back more tears.

“I need you to hear me when I say you’re safe with me. That I wouldn’t ever...I mean, I couldn’t, God, I can’t even say the words Hailey.”

“You wouldn’t hit me you mean?” She offers. She says it so casually like it’s not something terrible to speak of.

The realness of it all and what she’s been through hits him in the gut again. It claws at his insides how someone as brave and strong and wonderful as Hailey could ever be in a situation where she doubts her worth or questions whether or not someone loves her. He’s completely dumbfounded how anyone could ever hurt her.

“Yeah,” he chokes out and she finds herself nodding her head at him.

“I know you wouldn’t. Still a little reassuring to hear it though, so thank- “

“Don’t say it,” he nearly pleads with her, his eyes glistening with tears of his own. He certainly hadn’t expected their night to go like this, with this conversation.

“Say what?” She presses.

“Don’t thank me for saying I wouldn’t ever put my hands on you like that. It’s not romantic or chivalrous, Hailey. It’s the absolute bare minimum,” he tells her.

All she can do is stare at him as the weight of his words sound in her ears and hit her hard in her chest. She always knew the bar was low, that not being an abuser wasn’t usually a checkbox on the list of qualities to have in a significant other. That it should just be a given that it wouldn’t happen. He just stares right back at her with so much care and concern andlove that it makes the tears she’s been holding in fall from her eyes.  

The only response she has for him is another slow nod of her head and then she’s kissing him again, tears be damned. She presses herself against him and pours everything she has into that one moment, like it could be their last, even though she knows it won’t be. She knows they’re going to have so many more of these moments. These kisses and admissions and gentle caresses in the middle of the night.

Her eyes are still closed when they pull back from one another, and then she’s relishing the feel of his lips on her forehead for the second time that night. When she opens her eyes, he’s staring right at her.

“This has been some pretty heavy pillow talk we’ve had tonight,” she says to him once they’ve settled back down into her bed under the covers.

Jay’s arms and hands find their way around her again, needing to touch her. He smiles softly at her once more and leans over to kiss the side of her head. It’s the only response that feels right.

Hailey’s not sure how much time passes between them in silence. Sleep has started to creep up on her fast and she knows it was near eleven when she got off the phone with Vanessa. She glances up at Jay and sees his eyes are closed, but she knows he’s still awake because his fingers ghost over her skin. He drags them up and down her spine and over the dip of her lower back. It’s as if he’s trying to put her to sleep himself, but she has a sudden thought and she needs to say one more thing before she passes out beside him.

“Hey Jay,” she calls out, just audible enough for him to hear her, but not loud enough to break the sleepy state they’re succumbing to.

“Hmmm?” She hears him moan out and then he squeezes her side in recognition as well.

“Just for the record, I really like you too,” she tells him.

Jay opens his eyes at her words, the unspoken meaning of them not being lost on him, and Hailey gives him a sleepy smile. He just smiles back at her with a stupid grin that she’s come to adore, and then he nods in quiet understanding before he leans down to kiss her again because he doesn’t think he could ever stop kissing her now that’s he had her.

The air around them thins out, the heaviness of their evening beginning to dissolve, as they kiss each other slowly for another few moments and just hold onto the other.

As heavy as their words have been tonight, Hailey realizes their conversation over the last few hours has almost been necessary, maybe even a little overdue. It’s only been two days of this, but she’s sure they’re not moving fast. If anything, they might not have moved fast enough. After all, it did take them quite a long time to get to this moment. Three years worth of time to this moment where they’re lying in bed together, naked under covers, saying I love you to each other without actually saying the words. It just feels natural. It feels like them.

[libraryofloveletters]

Hi! I have a request! I hope that’s ok! Can it be Y/N of course! I would like the scenario to be where Y/N is Spencer’s daughter? I just love that concept with my entire heart! Anything else with that! Mostly, happy stuff! If not no worries :)

Growing Up 

Dad!Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: fem!reader, mentions of child birth, mentions of drinking and being drunk, crying 

Category: fluff so much fluff

Word Count: 1.7k

Author’s Note: I love this idea!!! I know you said just a scenario but I got a little carried away. Also, this picture is just adorable so it’s here :) There’s also big jumps in time because I didn’t want it to be too long. Hope you like it! 

---- 

It was no secret that Spencer Reid wanted to be a father and that he would be an excellent one too. The day he found out his wife was pregnant was the happiest day of his life, or so he thought. 

That all changed the day you were born, the first time he held you changed everything. 

The Day You Were Born 

Spencer stood beside your mother, holding her hand as she pushed. “One more push baby” he whispered to her as she squeezed his hand. He brushed her hair from her face, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her temple. “You’re the strongest person I know” he mumbled into the side of her face. She gave him a weak smile as the sound of crying filled his ears. 

“It’s a girl” the doctor said, wrapping her in a little pink blanket after wiping her down a bit. “Would you like to hold her Dr. Reid?” Spencer nodded as the doctor placed the little pink bundle in his arms. 

Spencer was in awe. Never did he think something so small could make him rethink his entire life. He leaned down and rested your head on your mother’s chest so she could see you. 

“She’s beautiful” she smiled up at Spencer. Spencer handed her back to the doctors so they can clean her up and check that she’s alright. He held your mother’s hand

“I can’t believe we made that” 

3 years old

You were now a toddler, sassy and talkative is an understatement.

Your mother had brought you into the BAU to visit your father. You ran into the bullpen, colliding with someone’s legs. You looked up to see your uncle Aaron, he smiled at you and crouched down to your level. “Hey princess, what are you doing here?” he asked you as you hugged him. “I wanna see daddy!” you shouted as Aaron picked you up and swung you around. You were now perched up on his shoulders as he walked you around the BAU. 

Your parents were at your dad’s desk, Spencer waved to you as you giggled because Aaron was pretending to drop you. Aaron put you down on Spencer’s desk, you pulled him into one more hug before he ruffled your hair and went back to his work. 

“Hi baby” Spencer smiled at you, picking you up and putting you on his lap. “Hi daddy!” you smiled back at him. 

“Did uncle Aaron show you around ?” 

You nodded resting your head on his chest as he smooth your messy curls with his hand. “Is someone tired?” Spencer asked you, you shook your head. “Good because Penny has cookies in her office, do you want to get some?” 

“Yes!” you shouted and hopped off his lap. Off you go running again, you had been to the BAU multiple times so you knew where everyone was. You got to Penelope’s office and waited for Spencer. Your aunt Penelope explained to you that to get into her bat cave, you needed a special pass that only your dad and your aunts and uncles at the BAU had. 

Spencer swiped his badge and opened the door. Penelope’s chair spun around to the sound of the door opening, Derek leaned up against her desk. “Y/n! my angel baby! Come here!” her arms were stretched out for you to give her a hug. You ran into her arms, she gave you a hug and picked you up. 

“Daddy said you had cookies” you looked up at her

“Dr. Reid! you let the secret slip!” she looked at him

Spencer shrugged with a smile on his face as he reached for one of the cookies. Penelope gave you a cookie which you gladly expected. 

“What happened lil mama? Uncle D doesn’t get any love?” he picked you up from Penelope’s lap. You smiled at him and wrapped your arms around his neck. You had a special bond with Derek, you could tell that him and Spencer were close and even as a child you knew that. 

14 years old

You were in that weird phase where you were barely a teenager but you weren’t an adult either. Spencer didn’t know how to act around you, sometimes you missed him and wanted to be with him but then sometimes you were grumpy and didn’t want anything to do with him. 

“Sugar, dinner’s ready” Spencer called from the other side of your bedroom door. You didn’t answer him, you were too busy with your homework. You started high school and you were so caught up in the newness and the fast pace that you kind of forgot about everything else. 

Spencer knocked once more, after he got no answer he opened the door and stuck his head in your room. You were at your desk, typing away on your laptop and grumbling about something. He smiled, the way you threw yourself into school and anything you did always reminded him of himself. 

“Baby” he walked over and rested his hands on your shoulders. You jumped, you hadn't heard him come in. “What dad?” you mumbled, going back to your typing.

“Take a break, come eat dinner with me.” 

“What? No, I have to finish this” 

Spencer shut your laptop screen. “DAD! What the hell ?!” He pulled your chair away from your desk, “Either you get up or I'll drag this chair down the stairs with you in it” he told you. You rolled your eyes, he was a huge pain in your ass but you knew he meant well. You got up and walked out of your bedroom, he smiled 

“Good choice, your work will still be here when you get back.” 

20 years old 

You were totally shit faced at some college party. Your boyfriend broke up with you and you were, well, going through it. You couldn’t find your friends so you called the one person you knew would show up, you father. 

“Daddyyyy” you slurred over the phone 

“Y/n? Are you okay? Are you drunk?” he asked you quickly, you could hear the panic in his voice and some fumbling.

“Come get me” you fell over, now leaning against the railing on the frat house

“I’m on my way. Stay exactly where you are” he told you and hung up. 

It wasn’t long after that you saw him and your uncle Derek walking up to you. You were so drunk and so tired that you could barely hold yourself up. “Dad, uncle D” you mumbled trying to get yourself up, the two of them came over and helped you up. One arm over your father’s shoulder and one over Derek’s, Spencer helped you into the backseat before him and Derek got into the car. 

“What happened tonight mama ? You usually aren’t like this. I know you can have fun but c’mon, what happened ?” Derek asked you. 

Spencer knew you were too drunk to give a proper answer, he remained quiet as you groaned from the backseat. He would ask you what happened tomorrow after you sober up a bit. 

“He left me” you mumbled 

“Who did ?” Derek asked you 

“My boyfriend, he slept with the college whore” you laid down on the backseat. Spencer looked back at you through the rear view mirror before making a U-turn. “Whoa, where are we going? it’s 3 am and you live the other way” Spencer said nothing to Derek and continued driving. 

After a while, he stopped in a parking lot. He opened the backdoor and helped you out. “What are we doing here?” you asked, the 3 of you stood in your favourite diner’s parking lot at 3 am. 

“Pancakes and coffee until you sober up and then you’re going to tell us what happened between you and this boy.” Spencer told you. You hugged him, it meant the world to you that he would do something like this for you, meant even more to you that now you were drunk and emotional. 

27 years old

You were getting married today. Your best friend hooked the last button on your dress and you looked in the mirror. “Beautiful” she told you and gave your shoulder a squeeze. 

“Can I come in?” Spencer asked from the other side of the door while he knocked. You nodded to your best friend and she opened the door. Spencer saw his little girl standing there in her wedding dress and couldn't help but tear up. He promised you that he wouldn't because “if you cry then I'll cry” but he couldn't help it. 

“Sugar, you look gorgeous” He hugged you and you hugged him back. “I can’t believe I'm walking you down the aisle already, it felt like just yesterday you were born” he smiled at you as the two of you walked to your position. 

The music started and everyone stood up. You saw your fiancé at the altar, your mother in the front row with your grandparents.

All of your friends, your fiancé’s family and then you saw your family.

Derek and Penelope stood together, his arm was around her as she wiped away her tears and blew you a kiss, Aaron was beside Penelope with Jack.

Rossi and Krystall stood together with Luke and Matt, who had his arm around Kristy. Tara, Emily, JJ and Will are in another row. 

They were your father’s family and they became yours too. 

“You’re all grown up now but you’ll always be my little girl. Don’t forget that” he whispered to you, you nodded. 

“I love you dad” 

“I love you too sugar” 

[atlafan]

The Real Him - One Shot

a/n: I’m not sure where this came from...a lot of this is sort of how I feel about writing, and reading, and how my brain works???? Hope you enjoy cause it’s fun! Book Writer!Harry x Y/N (not proofread) 

Words: 9.6K

Warnings: Fluff, wee bit of angst, and smut

Books weren’t things Y/N found interesting. She hated reading the assigned books in high school for whatever English classes she had to take. She often would just read what she needed on Sparknotes, and that was enough. Then, in college, even if she wanted to read for leisure, she didn’t have the time. She had to read articles and academic journals constantly. By the time she was done for the day, the last thing she wanted to do was read.

Now, as a young adult living in the city, she noticed her anxiety was always worse at night. She lived alone in a little studio apartment, it had a wonderful view. She would watch TV or scroll on her phone until she fell asleep, but the screens were too much for her eyes. She knew it wasn’t good for her. Much to her friends’ shock, she texted them asking them for book recommendations. Y/N didn’t want to think too hard, she didn’t like scary stories, but she also liked a little bit of world building and romance. Fuck, if there was anything she loved, it was a good romance. Her friends told her about this young author they discovered whose stories were enthralling.

She took their word for it, and ordered one of his books off his website. He was self-published, which she found to be interesting. How good could he be if a major publication didn’t want him? She trusted her friends’ opinions though, so she went with it. He had this series called, The Unicorn in the Farmer’s Pool, that they raved about. She told herself she’d start with the first one and see how it goes. Sometimes Y/N had a hard time concentrating to even read a book, so she didn’t want to buy too many.

The title of the book itself was odd, but when she read the description she understood. Apparently, it was about this young woman, new to town, who was going for a walk with her younger sister, and one day they come across this beautiful old home and large farm. There was a pool in the back with one of those big unicorn floats, which they both found odd. They see the farmer outside, and the woman inquires about it. He explains that it’s his daughter’s. He and his wife were divorced, and she moved out to the city. Unfortunately, she passed away, so his little girl came home to live with him.

It was a certified slow burn, so when it came in the mail, Y/N couldn’t wait to get her hands on it. There was only one picture of the author, Harry Styles, on his website. The book, however, had a lovely picture of him on it. He even named his publication company after himself, trademarking HES Books. He was handsome, there was no denying that.

“Alright, let’s see how well this guy knows how to write thing from the perspective of a woman.” She says as she settles into her bed with the book.

For the first time in a long time, Y/N found a book that she just couldn’t put down. Sure, she passed out with it on her chest, but she’d get right back to it the next night. She was ripping through it. Her heart would race anytime the farmer and the woman had a scene together. She cried when he spoke about his divorce, and how he never slept knowing his daughter was so far away. He’d never wish his ex-wife ill, but he felt like it was fate to have his daughter home. He’d give her anything she wanted, even a giant unicorn float for the pool. Something she couldn’t have in the city. His daughter would paint his nails glittery colors, and he didn’t give a shit what anyone else thought of it. Y/N could feel her heart pounding as the woman slowly fell for him. They became fast friends but it was clear they wanted more, but they were both so scared.

“Oh, you son of a bitch.” She says to herself when she gets to the end of the book, it was a cliffhanger. They hadn’t even gotten together yet. They were caught in a rain storm, about to kiss, but they were interrupted. “Goddammit.” She groans and grabs her laptop to buy the rest of the series. “Welp, Mr. Styles, you now own my ass, I hope you’re happy.” She sticks her tongue out at his picture on his website.

By the time she finished the third book, she was inconsolable. It thrilling, but she knew it couldn’t be the end for the two who were now so in love with each other. She also couldn’t believe how well written their love scenes were, a little shocked there was a small dash of smut. She looked on his website and saw he was set to release the fourth and final book of the series soon, and there would be a big release for it. He would do a reading and signing. Y/N texted her friends and they all agreed they needed to go. They still couldn’t believe how much Y/N liked the series. It consumed her soul, she couldn’t get enough. She even bought his other standalone novels to read until the release.

Eliza: hey! HES just released the first book on audio, and he narrates it! Should hold us over until the release ;)  

Y/N: holy fucking shit! Literally about to go download it, thanks!!!

Now this was a way to fall asleep, she thought. She plugged her earbuds into her phone, turned her light off, and hit play. She gasps the second she hears his voice.

“He’s British?!” She says to herself. “Dear god.”

His voice was deep and sultry, and sounded incredibly crisp through the audio. Each night for the rest of that week, she fell asleep to the sound of Harry’s voice; it was euphoric. She felt sort of weird for becoming as big of a fan of him that she was. It was like she was in high school again having a crush on some unattainable celebrity. She couldn’t even talk about him to anyone at work. It was like this big secret between her and her friends. Instead of listening to music in her office, she started listening to interviews or podcasts he was involved in. Anything to just get a better understanding for who he was or how his mind worked. She found that he was incredibly private, only tweeting or posting on Instagram from promotional purposes. A PR person most likely running the sites for him.

“Okay, I think I’m obsessed with him, like, it’s bad.” She tells her friends at brunch one Saturday morning. They would all try their best to get together a couple times a month.

“Welcome to the dark side.” Eliza says.

“I knew if we didn’t push you that you’d come around at some point to ask us for a book rec.” Melinda says.

“You could have just showed me his picture, he’s so handsome! I can’t wait to go to the signing. I wonder what type of suit he’ll wear. Maybe all black?”

“I heard he’s into florals lately.” Eliza says. “I’m glad we got our tickets when we did, it’s going to be packed.”

“Yeah, like, at least we’ll have seats for the reading.” Melinda says.

“I can’t believe we’re going to hear his voice in person. That audio book? Oh my god.” She pretends to fan herself. “I’ve been enjoying his other novels too. He has such a way with words, I can’t remember the last time I actually enjoyed a book this much. Maybe The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants?” She chuckles.

“Didn’t you read that in high school?!” Eliza laughs.

“Yeah!” Y/N laughs, and Melinda joins in. “I fucking hate reading. I wonder if he’ll ever sell the rights and have it turned into a movie or TV series.”

“People have been begging him. He said maybe once the fourth book has been out for a bit. He didn’t want to feel pressured, like, you know how with Game of Thrones the books didn’t come out fast enough for the series?” Melinda says.

“Oh yeah, that makes sense. I think a TV show would be good. Then they could take their time with it. The only thing is I can’t picture someone playing the farmer other than him.” Y/N sighs.

“Agreed.” Eliza says. “I can really only see him.”

“So, how are we dressing for the signing? I don’t wanna look desperate by dressing up too much.” Melinda says.

“Melinda…” Y/N starts chuckling. “You have a girlfriend.”

“I’m aware.” She swats a hand at Y/N. “But damn, Harry is too fine.”

//

Y/N curls the ends of her hair on the day of the signing. It was finally here, and she couldn’t be more excited. She found a cute yellow top to wear with some high waist jeans. She does some simple makeup, but makes sure to have her eyes pop. The rules were that people could only bring one book with them, so she grabs the first in the Unicorn series. She fully intended to buy the new book as well, and they said he would sign all new purchases too.

She meets Melinda and Eliza outside the bookstore where it would all be happening. They get in line to buy their new books, and head to their seats. They were able to snag tickets for the second row. He would be reading the first few chapters of the first book, and then would spend the rest of the time signing books.

“I’m so excited.” Y/N whispers to both of her friends.

A man comes out shortly to check the crowd of people waiting, and soon it’s announced that Harry would be coming out. Everyone stands up and claps for him. He was wearing a sleek black suit, and his hair was pushed back off his face. He looked bashful as he smiled out to everyone, and stood at the podium provided. Everyone sits back down as he clears his throat.

“Thank you all so much for being here. Whether you’re a new fan or if you’ve been with me for years, I appreciate your support. It feels surreal for this series to be over. I’ve loved these characters so much, and when I finished the final edits, it felt weird saying goodbye. I also want to say thanks for all the support with the first audio book. I fully intend to do one for the rest, it just takes a lot of time and editing, so hold tight for me, alright?” The crowd giggles, and his dimple grows deeper. He takes a sip of the water provided, and opens the book. “Let’s get started shall we?” He looks up at the audience who was waiting patiently. He makes eye contact with Y/N. It’s brief, but he looked at her…or at least she told herself he did.

His voice was just as smooth in person as it was on the audio. Y/N was swooning, barely paying attention to the words, but more so watching the way his lips moved. The way he’d lick his lips after getting a sip of water, and watching his Adam’s apple bob up and down. It all felt like a dream. He ended up reading five chapters instead of three, as a treat, until his manager came out to remind him to wrap it up.

“Right, well, I’ve been told I’m done speaking.” He chuckles. “I just need about ten minutes and I’ll be able to sign all your books. Thanks so much!”

He leaves as everyone claps for him again. Everyone gets in line and waits for him to return. There was a table waiting for him to sit at and a ton of markers.

“I wonder how long we’ll get with him. Like, a minute, right?” Eliza asks.

“Make every second count.” Y/N says.

“I’m gonna try to take a selfie.” Melinda says. “Then I’ll really remember it forever.”

As the girls got closer to the front of the line, Y/N felt herself getting nervous, and her palms were starting to sweat. She tries to wipe them on her jeans before she gets to him.

“Hello, love.” He smiles at her. “Whatcha bring f’me?”

“Huh?” She was so taken aback.

“Well, I know you didn’t come here to have me sign a body part…unless you did.” He shrugs. “Although, I don’t think my manager would appreciate that.” He winks at her and it makes her giggle.

“I have the first back, and the newest one.” She hands them both to him. “I have to say, I’m not really a big reader, but this really drew me in. I think I’ve fallen in love with reading for the first time in my life.”

“That’s like…I mean…wow, what a compliment, thanks.” He signs both of the books. “What’s your name?”

“Y/N.”

“Y/N.” He repeats as he continues to leave a nice note in both of her books. “You know pictures aren’t allowed, but if you turn around and happen to take a selfie they can’t stop you.” He points to the few guards.

Y/N turns around and takes a selfie with Harry. She turns back around and chuckles as she takes her books back.

“Thank you so much. I can’t wait for the next audio books.”

“You liked the first one?”

“Loved it.”

“So, it wasn’t weird listening to me for that long?”

“Not at all…” She starts blushing. “Your voice is sort of, um, soothing…I have a lot of anxiety at night, and, well, reading, and evening listening has helped me sleep a lot better. So, thanks again.” She smiles at him and he smiles back.

He wished he could hug her. He looks back at his manager, who just sighs at him and nods. Harry stands up from the table and walks around. Before she knew it, his arms were being wrapped around her. She got a whiff of his cologne, and she swore it was her new favorite smell in the world. She barely got a chance to put her hands on him before his manager said it was enough and Harry needed to get back to it.

“Sorry, that was just so endearing.” He lets go of her and sits back down. “Thanks for your support.”

Y/N steps aside and looks at her friends who were waiting for her to finish up. She looks back at Harry who was already talking to the next person. She sighs, knowing she was long forgotten already.

“Oh my god, I took a picture of him hugging you.” Eliza says. “What was it like? All he did was shake my hand.”

“He smelled so good.” Y/N whines. “Girls, let’s go out for drinks tonight. I need to get some energy out.”

“Great idea! We can drink and then dance the night away.” Melinda says. “What did he write in your books?”

“I don’t wanna look yet, I wanna save it.” Y/N smiles and holds her books close to her.

//

After grabbing dinner and dropping their books off at Y/N’s place, they all head to their favorite dance bar. They all get their drinks and stand near the bar to drink them. Y/N was happily sucking on her straw, swaying along to the fast beat of the music.

“Look, they actually roped off the VIP section.” Eliza points out. Y/N and Melinda turn to look.

“I wonder who’s here. Once in a while someone cool shows up.” Melinda says.

The group in the VIP section erupts into laughter, and the girls’ eyes grow wide. Harry was standing up from the booth, looking much more casual. He still had his dress pants and button up on, but his sleeves were pushed up, revealing his tattoos. He strides up to the bar as he shakes his head back at his friends. He brushes right by the girls, bumping into Y/N, causing her to spill her drink.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry, love.” He says to her, and then he looks her up and down. “Do I know you?” He slurs slightly.

“Um…we…we met earlier today. You signed my books.”

“I signed your what?!” The music was really loud, he must have thought she said something else.

“Books, books!” She really enunciates the k sound.

“Oh!” He bursts out laughing, and puts a hand on her shoulder. “I was gonna say, that sorta thing isn’t really my style. What are you drinking, I’ll get you a new one.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that. There’s still plenty in here.”

“Don’t be silly, I feel terrible. In fact,” He looks at Melinda and Eliza, and then to the bar tender. “Their next round’s on me. I also need another bottle of Patron for my table.”

“Coming right up!”

“Lost a bet with ‘em.” He rolls his eyes. “So the next bottle’s on me.” He shrugs.

“We’ll bring it over to you.” The bar tender says as she puts up three new drinks for you and your friends.

“You really didn’t have to do that.”

“S’the least I can do. Your support is the only reason why I can afford what I have. I should buy your drinks all night.” He smirks.

“Y/N.” Melinds grabs her shoulders and whispers in her ear. “Go for it, bitch, go for it. He’s hitting on you. We’ll be over there.”

She lets Y/N go and drags Eliza with her over to another part of the bar. Y/N grabs her drink and smiles at Harry.

“Your name’s Y/N, right?”

“You must have seen hundreds of people today, how’d you remember?”

“I’m really good with names.” He grins. “Do you want to join me and my friends?”

“What?!”

“Come on, seems like your friends are busy anyways.” He nods over to Melinda and Eliza where Melinda was working as a wing-man for Eliza. “They’re bringing over the Patron, you’ll love it.” He grabs her wrist and brings her over. One of the body guards raises his eyebrows. “I’m baacckk, let us in Mike.” Mike lifts the rope up and lets Harry and Y/N in. “Everyone this is Y/N, she’s got to be one of my biggest fans, so she’s joining us.” He pulls her down into the booth with him and puts his arm around her shoulders.

He was drunk, this was very clear. No one seemed bothered by her presence. Everyone was just happy to have refills for their drinks. Harry takes a shot of the Patron along with everyone else as Y/N sips on her drink. She felt bad, Eliza had to be a bigger fan of Harry, or at least she had been a fan longer…

“So, how’d you know he’d be here?” Harry’s manager, Jeff, asks.

“I didn’t.” She blushes. “My friends and I come here all the time.”

“Right, like we haven’t heard that one before.” Jeff smirks. “Some of you fangirls-“

“Oi! Don’t make fun, she’s cool.” Harry defends her.

“I can prove I’ve been here plenty of times.” Y/N takes her phone out and shows them her Facebook page. “There, you can see how many times I’ve checked in here. I only live a block away, so this tends to be the spot.”

“See, Jess, this is the spot.” Harry smirks, and knocks back another shot. “We’re being rude, here.” He slides a shot over to her. “Have as much as you like.”

“That’s okay, I have this.” She points to her glass.

“Oh, I knew I liked you, you’re so nice.” He pulls her a little closer to him. “But really, if you want any, you can have as much as you want, okay?”

“Thanks.”

Y/N sort of just sits there and tries to listen as each person talks, but the music was so loud, and she was itching to dance, especially now that she had a couple of drinks in her. She was drumming her fingers mindlessly on the table.

“Do you want to dance?” He whispers in her ear. A shiver goes up her spine. She looks up at him and nods. “Alright, let’s hit it then.”

She gets out of the booth and he quickly follows her out to the dance floor. At first it’s just light and playful, he keeps one hand in hers, but keeps a respectable distance. If Y/N was dancing with her friends right now she’d probably be popping her ass no problem. She sort of wished they were still around. She couldn’t remember the last time she danced with a guy. She looks at him and feels a little bold, so she hooks an arm around his neck and dances close to him. His hands move to her hips as she essentially grinds on his thigh. When the next song starts, she turns around to grind her ass against his pelvis. He presses forward against her and she can tell he’s very happy to be dancing with her.

“You said your place was only a block away?” He says into her ear, and she nods. “Wanna head there?”

She stops dancing and turns around to face him.

“Are you serious?” She raises an eyebrow at him.

“Sorry, too forward?”

“No…I just…um…yeah, let’s go back to mine.”

He smiles and throws his arm around her shoulders. He looks over at Jeff who was still sitting with their friends. He waves off to him, and heads out side with Y/N. Harry whistles for a cab, and one pulls up almost right away. They both get into the backseat, and Y/N gives the driver her address. Harry rubs circles into her shoulder. She rests her hand on his knee, as her leg shakes with nerves.

“You alright, love?”

“Mhm, yeah.” She doesn’t look at him.

“No need to be nervous, babe, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

She looks up at him now and smiles. She wanted to do everything with him. It was like every fantasy she had was coming to life. She had dreams about this, but never thought it would come true. The cab pulls up in front of Y/N’s building and they both get out of the cab. She keys into the front door and she leads him to the elevator.

“I’m surprised you’re not exhausted, must be draining to meet so many people.”

“Caught a second wind.” He winks at her. She giggles as they get off at her floor.

She leads him inside as she flips the lights on.

“It’s just a studio.”

“It’s nice, just enough space. You’ve got a great view.” He says as he walks over to the window.

“Yeah, I got really lucky.”

“Mind if I pull the curtains?”

“Not at all.”

She watches the muscles in his back flex as he reaches to pull the curtains closed. He turns to face her and walks over to where she is. He cups one of her cheeks and she leans into his touch.

“I have to be honest, I don’t usually do this.” He says.

“Do what? Hook up with a girl from a bar?” She smirks.

“No, hook up with a fan…” He sighs. “But what you said to me earlier about your anxiety and how my books have helped you, it stuck with me all day. I’m really glad I ran back into you. I got kinda nervous when you didn’t message me.”

“What? Why would I have?”

“I wrote my number in your book.” He lets go of her and steps back. “You didn’t read my notes?”

“No, I…I was saving them for when I was feeling down.” She admits, a little embarrassed. “Why did you put your number in it?”

“In case you ever needed someone to talk to…if you ever got sick of listening to the same story over and over. It was a little impulsive, but no one’s ever said anything like that to me before.”

“I’m surprised by that.”

“Usually people just tell me that they enjoyed it, or they try to flirt or something. It’s usually pretty hollow.” He shrugs. “But you…” He takes her hands in his. “Well…if you noticed, I didn’t really hug anyone else.”

“I did notice. You made me feel really special, Harry.”

“I’d like to keep making you feel that way…”

He releases her hands, and she wraps her arms around his neck. Her hands slide up through his curls, and she gets up on her tip toes while his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her close. His lips brush over hers, and she pulls his face closer to hers to deepen the kiss. She smiles against his lips which makes him smile and pull back.

“What is it?”

“I just…I can’t believe this is happening…” She presses her hips closer to his.

“You’ve thought about this before, with me?”

She nods her head yes and he smirks.

“Is that weird?” She asks, cheeks heating up from embarrassment.

“Who am I to judge what helps someone fall asleep at night?” His voice was low now, eyes darker than they were moments before.

Maybe this wasn’t something either of them should be doing while inebriated. But from lack of better judgement they start kissing again. His hands slide down to cup her ass, and his large hands give her a squeeze. She groans into his mouth, giving him the perfect excuse to lick into her. Her tongue molds to his, and she starts pushing him to walk back towards her bed. He happily lets her lead the way.

The back of his calves hit the bed, and he almost loses his balance. He sits down and brings her with him so she’s straddling his lap. Lips only breaking for a moment to get some air until they’re on each other again. Her hands lace through his hair and he groans when she tugs on him. His lips move to her jaw and then to just under her ear. She gasps when she feels him suck on the tender skin. Her hips roll down over his, and he smirks against her. He licks over the spot he was sucking on, and goes back for more. She grinds herself against him, feeling his bulge press up against where she needs it most. His lips move back to hers so he can nip at her bottom lip before looking at her.

“You want this?” He asks.

“Wouldn’t have said yes to coming back here if I didn’t.”

“You could have changed your mind between the bar and now.” He tucks some loose strands of hair behind her hair. “I meant what I said earlier, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I want to, do you?”

“I certainly didn’t change my mind.”

She smiles and leans in to kiss him again before getting off him. She reaches behind him quickly to snag one of her throw pillows to put on the floor. She sits up on her knees before him and reaches for his for the button on his dress pants. She looks up at him as he widens his legs for her. He wasn’t expecting a blow job, but he wasn’t one to turn it down. She pops the button and undoes his zipper. She reaches into his pants and palms him through his boxers first. His palms were flat on the bed, his arms keeping him up, but he can’t help but let his head fall back from her touch.

“Harry, look at me.”

He immediately does as she says so he can make eye contact with her.

“Is this okay? Can I take it out?”

“Yeah, please.”

She smiles and tugs his pants and boxers down slightly, he lifts his hips up to help her. He unbuttons his shirt while his dick slaps up against his lower stomach. She gazes up at him. Once his shirt is off, she can’t help but look over all his tattoos.

“You’re so…pretty.” She chuckles.

“Not as pretty as you.” He runs his hands through her hair, giving her a little encouragement to get started.

She blushes as her eyes fall to his hard cock, tip swollen and ready to go. She licks her right hand and gives him a few pumps first. He grunts as he watches her. She licks a stripe up from his base to his tip before she wraps her lips around him. His eyes flutter closed for a second, but he didn’t want to miss anything so he does his best to keep his eyes open to watch her work on him. She already had small droplets of spit rolling down her chin. Sloppy, he thinks to himself and he smirks. She sinks a little further down on him, testing herself to see how much she can take. He thrusts up slightly to meet her halfway and she gags on him, needing to pop off for a moment.

“Sorry, been a while.” She mumbles, and gets back on him.

“No worries, doing great, love.”

He helps keep her hair back as she starts to bob up and down on him. Her warm mouth felt so fucking good around him. She swallows around him before really hollowing her cheeks to suck on him. Her mouth moves up to his tip so she can lick away at his slit. She wraps a hand around him to pump him as she does this.

“Baby, baby, hold on.” He pants, and moves her face away from him. She looks up at him with big, innocent eyes that were slightly watery now. “I’ll come if you keep doing that.” He sounded almost out of the breath. She nods and stands up. His hands grips her hips and then slide to the button on her own jeans. “You’re sure?”

“Yes.” She says, taking off her shirt. He looks up at her and kisses on her chest as he undoes her pants.

He yanks them down her legs. He smiles at her mismatched set of underwear. She had worn a white bra with her yellow shirt, and a simple pair of blue panties with her jeans.

“I didn’t think, um, I would be…it was a girl’s night, and-“

“Do you really think I care about your underwear not matching?” He raises an eyebrow at her as he smirks.

She smiles and rests her hands on his shoulders as he kisses on her lower tummy. He stands up to kick his pants away, and lets her get on the bed. She lays on her back, propping herself up with her elbows. He crawls onto the bed and settles between her legs. His lips find hers as he grinds himself against her covered center. She bites her bottom lip, just wanting her underwear gone. He reaches behind her to unhook her bra. After a few seconds of fumbling he gets it, and watches the bra loosen around her. She pushes it off her shoulders, and tosses it to the ground. His hands cup her full breasts immediately. He kneads them and tweaks her nipples. She grinds her hips up towards his as they continue to move against each other. He dips his head down to kiss on her chest, and he rolls a nipple between his teeth. He works his way down her body and slides her underwear down her legs, tossing them aside where he feels like. She parts her legs for him.

He dips his down and licks from her center to her clit. He does this slowly but with precision. Her hips buck up towards him, encouraging him to keep going, so he does. He licks all around her until his lips are around her throbbing clit. He nibbles and sucks and flicks his tongue while his fingers explore her folds. Her hands were in his hair. She kept thinking she was going to wake up. Any minute now she would snap out of her dream. She would pinch her eyes closed and expect to see the morning sun creeping through her windows, but not this time. When she opened her eyes there he was, head between her legs, lapping away at her. The clouds covering the moon and night sky. He had her whimpering and tugging at his hair. He wanted her to come, but not yet, just get her to the brink. She pouts at him when he lifts his head. He licks his lips and smiles at her.

“Got any rubbers?”

“Mhm, in the bathroom, I can-“

“I got it, just tell me where.”

“The box in the cabinet below the sink.”

He pecks her lips before going into her little bathroom. He smirked to himself wondering how he might shower the next morning. He was taller than the showerhead. He bends down to open up the cabinet and spots the box of condoms. It was opened, but not many were missing. Not the he was one to judge. Harry hooked up a lot. He grabs a couple, just in case they feel like getting frisky again later on, and heads back out. He rips the foil packet open and slides it on over his length. She bites her bottom lip in anticipation.

“Tell me something,” He starts as he gets back on the bed, between her legs, hovering over her body. “When you had me in your thoughts was it ever like this?”

He rubs his tip against her clit, getting her to moan out. He pushes into her entrance but doesn’t go much further until he gets his answer. His eyebrows were raised, looking at her.

“This is usually the part when I’d wake up.” She whispers. “Before anything good could really happen.” She cups his cheek and runs her thumb over his cheekbone. “Please.”

He kisses her as he pushes the rest of the way inside her. They both groan. She was so wet, even with the condom on, it still felt amazing. He was nice and snug inside her. He moves slowly at first to not hurt her. He hooks an arm under one of her legs to bring it up a little higher. He wanted to get in as deep as possible. She clutches at his shoulders as he drives it in.

“Oh my god.” She gasps as his tip brushes her g-spot. “Jesus Christ.” She grits her teeth.

“Ever had anyone like this before?” He says into her ear.

“Never this deep, shit.”

He sits up and puts both of her legs over his shoulders. His fingers press bruises into her thighs as he holds onto her. She looks up at him as her mouth falls open. He was ramming into her and it felt so good to fuck like this. She didn’t want to be treated delicately. What he was doing was amazing, but her clit was missing the friction, so her hand slides down to rub at it.

“Fuck.” He breathes as he watches her touch herself. He lets go of one of her thighs and moves her hand aside so he can rub it for her. Her head rolls back the second she feels his thumb on her.

“Just like that.” She pants. “Don’t stop.”

He grunts his response as he continues to fuck her. He could feel her tightening around his cock and he knew she was close. He rubs her a little faster, and watches as her body contorts under his.

“Let go, come on, show me how you do it, Y/N.”

That pushes her over the edge. She cries out as she comes around him. He rubs her still, but slows his pace to help her through it. She tightens around him again as she comes down from her bliss. He drops her legs and pulls out. He sits up against her headboard and pulls her into his lap. He doesn’t have her face him, though, he has her sit on him facing away. Her head rolls back against his shoulder once she sinks down on him. She uses her knees to push herself up and down on his cock. He bites down on her shoulder, licks up to just under her ear to suck on the tender skin again. His hands find her bouncing breasts, and he kneads them.

“Harry.” She groans.

“Feels good, love?”

“So good.” She turns her head and sticks her tongue out slightly so he’ll kiss her. His tongue meets hers and they practically slobber all over each other as her pace quickens on him.

His hands slide down to her hips to help her. He thrusts up into her to get into a rhythm. He could feel his orgasm bubbling at the base of his spine.

“Fuck, oh my god.” He moans, which makes her moan. She tightens around him. He wanted her to come again, to come with him, so he rubs her clit while she continues to bounce him.

“Shit, fuck, Harry!”

They come at the same time, both of them crying out form the intensity. He gives her a second to catch her breath before he lifts her off of him. She gets up and quickly walks to the bathroom to clean herself up. He goes in after her to rid himself of the condom. She was about to throw on a t-shirt when he comes back out.

“Don’t bother.” He smirks.

“What do you mean?”

“It’ll just come off again.”

“Oh.” She blushes and puts it back into her dresser.

He gets on the bed with her and pulls her close to his chest. His fingers run up and down her back lightly, causing goosebumps to raise on her skin. She rests one of her legs on top of his, and wraps her arm around his torso. She wasn’t sure if she’d have the energy to fuck him again so soon, especially when the rhythm of his heart beat was lulling her to sleep. Her eyes flutter closed. He looks down at her and smiles when he sees her lips parted. He kisses the top of her head, and slowly falls asleep himself.

//

The next morning, Y/N wakes up cozy, head stuffed into her pillow, blankets wrapped around her. It was darker than usual. Her eyes flutter open and see the rain falling down. She hears it tapping delicately against her windows. It was a normal Sunday morning, or it would have been if she hadn’t completely forgotten there was a warm body wrapped around her. She rolls over slowly not to disturb the stranger. She gasps to herself when she sees it really is Harry Styles, not just some guy that looked like him. She really took him home with her and she really fucked him. He pulls her closer to her and she sighs.

“Your bed’s comfy.” He mutters.

“Thanks, I’ve got one of those foam pads under the sheets. Makes a world of difference.”

She feels his chest rumble as he chuckles. She feels him press a soft kiss to her forehead before pulling away slightly.

“Mind if I grab a shower?”

“Not at all.” She smiles up at him. “If you don’t mind smelling like my fruity shampoo, that is.”

“You’re funny.” He chuckles again and stretches as he sits up. He rubs his eyes, and gets out of the bed. Y/N couldn’t help but ogle his naked body as he walks away. He pops his head out of the door frame to look at her. “Are you coming?”

“Oh…you wanted me to-“

“Obviously.” He scoffs. “Wouldn’t mind fucking you again, either.”

Normally she’d wrap herself in a blanket, but if he was going to be bold, then so was she. So she gets out of bed and struts over towards him. She brushes her teeth quickly as he uses some mouth wash. She gets the water in the shower going.

“Does that head detach? I don’t know if I can crouch for that long.” He laughs.

“Yeah, it comes right off, don’t worry.” She pulls back the curtain and they both get in.

She helps him wash up, scrubs her nails over his head as she washes out the shampoo, and once they’re both clean, he hoists her up against the wall, and kisses her. She was plenty wet for him, and he smiles against her as he slips a finger inside her.

“You were ready f’me, hm?”

“Guess so.” She nips at his bottom lip, which delights him.

“Mind if I just slip it in like this and pull out after?”

“That’s fine.” She smiles. “Wouldn’t mind actually being able to feel you.”

“Christ.” He groans, and then pushes his hard cock inside her. Her head rolls back against the tile as his lips attack to her throat.

It was a nice, passionate morning fuck. When they’re done she gets him a towel, and wraps one around herself. He watches as she runs around to make her bed back up. It was a small apartment, so any clutter just made it look even smaller. He grabs his phone out of his pants pocket, and sighs.

���Alright?” She asks, sitting on the edge of her bed. He comes to sit down next to her.

“Yeah, just a ton of missed calls and texts. Thought I made it pretty clear to Jeff I wouldn’t be coming back to the hotel last night.”

“Do you have a plane to catch or anything?”

“Not today, tomorrow though.”

She watches as he types away to respond to the dozen or so texts he had form various people.

“Would you like any coffee or anything? Juice?”

“Just a black coffee would be perfect if it’s not too much trouble, love.”

“Coming right up.”

His eyes flicker up to watch her bum and hips sway as she walks into the kitchen area. She fills up her Keurig to get his coffee going.

“No cream or sugar, just black?”

“Please.” He smiles. “Thanks.”

She nods and gets a mug down from her cabinet to place under the machine. She thinks he’s talking to her for a moment, but when she looks over she can see he’s on the phone.

“I’m not sure when I’ll be back. I’m well aware, thanks.” He sighs and shakes his head. “I’m allowed to go out and have some fun.” He crosses a leg over the other so he can rest his elbow on his thigh, propping his chin up with his palm. “She’s making me a cup of coffee, is that alright? No, I don’t just carry those in my back pocket…” He rolls his eyes. “I’ll take care of it. Alright, bye.”

She comes over to him with a mug for him, and one for herself. She added a bit of cream to hers. She just couldn’t do black coffee.

“Thank you so much, feel like I’m about to get a headache.” He says, taking the mug from her, smacking his lips after he takes a sip.

“I have some aspirin if you need some.”

“Caffeine should work just fine, but thank you.”

“So, uh, not that I was listening in or anything, just, small space and all, but what don’t you carry around in your back pocket?”

“Oh.” He chuckles. “An NDA, that’s all. Jeff’s gonna email one over to me any second I’m sure.”

“What do you need an NDA for?”

“It’s not for me, it’s for you.”  She looks at him deeply confused. “I’m a very private person, and not that I think you’re the type to go around spouting your business, it’s just, well, you’re a fan and…”

“You need me to sign an NDA so I won’t tell anyone we fucked?”

“Basically, yeah. Sorry if that makes things a little awkward. It’s just to keep my personal life personal, that’s all.” He takes another sip of the coffee. “This is really good, what brand is this?”

“Green Mountain Coffee…it comes from Vermont.”

“It’s delicious, I’ll have to look into it.” He smiles, although she can tell she’s starting to feel uneasy. She’s painfully aware that this was just a drunk hookup, a one night stand. “Are you alright?” He puts a hand on her knee.

“M’fine, just a bit groggy.” She sips her own coffee.

“Well, I’m starved, you’ve gotta be too, right? What a good place to grab some breakfast around here?” He stands up and starts looking for his clothes.

“Um…there’s a place right down the street.”

“We’ll have to take a cab unless you have a really big umbrella.” He smirks as he pulls his boxers on.

“Do I have to sign an agreement saying I won’t talk about breakfast too, or?”

Harry sighs as he pulls his pants on. She looks at him as she sips her coffee.

“Guess I’ll find out when I read the fine print.” She stands up and walks back over to her kitchen area. He follows her there with his mug and sticks it in the sink.

“Why is it such a big deal?”

“It’s not, I just…I mean…what do you think I’m going to do? Go onto a blog and spill every detail about last night? As if I could remember every little thing.” She scoffs and rinses out her mug.

“You easily could. You have to understand, sometimes when stories slip or people feel like they know things about you, it’s harder to get deals or make business decisions. I want to be taken seriously, so I don’t post personal things on social media, and I have the people I hook up with sign NDA’s.”

“Well, maybe I should have you sign one for me then.” She says, crossing her arms. He raises an eyebrow at her. “How do I know our night together won’t be inspiration for your next love scenes? You’re quite descriptive in your works. You must take from real life when you’re writing those things.”

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll text Jeff and have him email me two, one for each of us. I won’t talk about you and you won’t talk about me. Now, can we please go get some breakfast?”

“Why do you even want to go anywhere with me if you’re so scared of people finding out?” She walks over to her dresser to pick out an outfit she wouldn’t mind getting wet in the rain.

“It’s one thing to be seen with someone at a diner, it’s another to have what you’re like in the bedroom aired out to millions of people.”

“It’ll be obvious we slept together. My neck is littered with kiss marks.” She taps over one of the spots. He watches as she wriggles a pair of panties up her legs, and then a pair of jeans. “You’re also wearing your clothes from last night.” She tosses him his button up.

“I don’t suppose you have a large t-shirt I could throw on?”

“I’m sure I could find one.” She find a bra and t-shirt of her own, and then rummages through her pajama drawer for one of her larger bed shirts. “Here.” She hands him the shirt. He puts it on and looks down at it.

“Cute.” He smiles. “You can keep mine, and I’ll keep this one, how’s that sound?”

“Guess I’m just glad that’s not my favorite one.” She grabs her raincoat and umbrella. She furrows her brows and then remembers where her rubber boots on. “Could you order an uber or something?”

“Sure.”

They get down to the street, and head into the car he ordered. The diner was busy when they got there, but since it was just the two of them, they didn’t have to wait long to be seated. Harry’s phone pings with the email from Jeff.

“So…I just need to digitally sign it?”

“Mhm.” He hands his phone over to her so she can read over everything. He rests his chin on his palm. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen someone read over it so diligently before.”

“I’m a lawyer.” She mumbles.

“No shit.” He sits up, suddenly even more intrigued with her. “Good for you.”

“Well, I’m in law school, and I work as a para at a law firm, but I’m getting there.” She says as she uses her finger to sign her life away. “I’d like to read the one he sent to you for me.”

“Just swipe to the next email.”

She nods and looks it over. It was the same as her. She hands him back his phone and watches him sign it.

“I’d like both copies emailed over to me.”

“Alright, what’s your email?”

“I’ll put it in.” She takes his phone back and puts her information in, sending herself the copies. “There.” She crosses her arms. “Happy?”

“Yes, actually.”

A waitress comes over to them, and they both order scrambled eggs with bacon, potatoes, and toast. It’s quiet between them for a few moments. She looks out the window to watch the rain fall, and then looks back at him. He was twiddling his thumbs in his lap.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?” He looks up at her.

“What am I doing here with you? You could have easily slipped out this morning, even last night…”

“I’m not that kind of guy.”

“So…what is this, a consolation before we never see each other again?”

“No.”

“Then what is this?! I feel like I’m not even looking at a real person. I’ve wanted to meet you for so long, and I would have killed for the opportunity to sit down and have breakfast with you. I have so many questions about your work, and-“

“So, ask me.”

“What?”

“Ask me all your questions. What can I answer that I haven’t already in an interview? You wanna know my thought process? Where and what I get inspired by? How long it takes me to write a book, a chapter even? I only have bullshit answers, to be honest. I keep notes on my phone for when I get inspired, and then when I’m able to be at my computer I’ll type for hours without stopping. It’s like I blackout or something. It feels like I didn’t even take a second to blink. I’ll work on multiple projects at the same time too. I have three other books I’m currently working, all with completely different topics and characters. I can’t shut my brain off, ever. I don’t know why I’m like this. Even when I go on a vacation to unplug, I have to keep a notebook with me to write things down. I started writing because I just needed to get everything out of my head. I feel a huge sense of relief when I’m done with a piece so I can just move on from it. I had to start my own publication because my content was going to be put in the same category as Fifty Shades, and I didn’t want that. Luckily, Jeff went to school for PR, and he helped me out, and now he’s my manager. He’s the best there is, but sometimes it would be nice to fuck a pretty girl and take her to breakfast without having to worry about every little thing.”

Before Y/N can respond their food is brought over. They both thank the waitress. She picks her for up and plays with her potatoes before looking at him.

“Not to mention, said pretty girl told me how much my work means to her, how it helps her sleep at night. Fuck, I mean, I thought I was going to melt into a fucking puddle right there. My anxiety gets bad at night too, I knew exactly where you were coming from, babe. I can’t tell you how many nights I try to go to sleep and can’t, so I just get up and go back to my computer until I pass out in my chair.” He blinks at her, as she still says nothing. “Are you…not going to say anything?”

“I’m not sure what to say, I’m trying to take in everything you said and match it to the person you were yesterday at that signing. It’s an act, right? Your cool demeanor?”

“I have a stage presence for sure.” He sighs, and takes a bite of his bacon. “What am I gonna do, get up there and tell everyone that the fourth book took so long because I had to have surgery for carpal tunnel?”

“For someone who likes to be so private, you’re sure telling me a lot of personal things.”

“You signed something saying you wouldn’t discuss any of this, so I feel a little freer to explain myself. Have I totally ruined your perception of me? Is this a never meet your hero sort of moment?”

“Not at all.” She smiles. “You seem comfortable with me, which is nice. I like that I’m seeing this side of you, you’re more than just the suave guy I’ve seen in interviews, or listening to on podcasts. You’re a person, just like me.”

“Exactly, so you understand why I might want some privacy.”

“I do.” She nods and finally takes a bite of her food. “I’m sorry if I got a little pissy about it.”

“Don’t be, it’s always an awkward conversation to have.”

“So, how many women do you hook up with exactly? You’re making yourself sound like a player.” She chuckles.

“I mean…I’m a guy who has needs. I’m not gonna lie, I probably do it a little too much, but I don’t usually spend this much time with the person, or if I do…well…it’s not usually like this.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to actually have a conversation with you.” He shrugs. “You peaked my interest.”

“Clearly.” She smirks.

“At least I’ve never rubbed one out to the thought of a famous person.” He smirks back.

“Oh, I’m sorry, do you consider yourself famous?” She grins at him. “And I haven’t rubbed one out, it’s usually just a dream. Don’t flatter yourself, Harry.” She shakes her head.

“My bad, so I’ll just assume you get that wet for every guy you hook up with?”

Where was this conversation going, and why was it happening in such a public place? Was he trying to rile her up?

“I don’t think this is appropriate to talk about right now.” She whispers harshly.

He smirks and continues eating. They look at each other occasionally as they eat. The waitress comes over with the bill, and Harry throws some cash down on the table.

“Let me pay the tip at least.” She says, reaching for her purse.

“Don’t be silly, I put plenty down for the tip. I’ve got it.” He puts his hand over hers. “Seems like the rain’s stopped, wanna walk back?”

“Do you not need to be anywhere?”

“Nope.” He smiles. “Today’s my free day, isn’t that nice? I’ve got a plane to catch tomorrow morning, and that’s all I have to worry about. So, I’m more than happy to walk you back home.”

She nods and follows him out of the diner.

“So, do I only get your email, or do I get your number too?”

“Why, so you can hit me up whenever you’re in the city?”

“Precisely.” He nudges her as she laughs. “Come on, I gave you mine.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t even look…I would have been so embarrassed, you would have forgotten all about me. I don’t even know if I would have even had the courage to message you.”

“I wouldn’t have forgotten you.”

“Did you manager know you just gave your number out like that?”

“God no, he’d murder me.” Harry chuckles. “Jeff’s great, but he’s way too serious.”

“So, maybe I’ll message you sometime.”

“I prefer chatting on the phone, to be honest.”

“Why’s that?”

“Anyone can send a text, but a phone is, like, I don’t know, it’s romantic.”

“Romantic?”

“Yeah, like, a phone is something you really need to make time for.”

She pouts at him and looks at him with big eyes. They stop once they’re in front of her building.

“I come back to the city in two weeks, I really would like to see you again.”

“What are you coming back for?”

“Another signing. This one sold out, and I felt bad. I think anyone who wants to see me should.” He shrugs. “I wouldn’t have anything that I do if it weren’t for the people who supported me.”

“That’s sweet.” She smiles. “Okay, I guess we could see each other again.”

“Great, just make sure you call me, okay? Then I can call you, and we’ll just be two people calling each other sometimes.” He blushes.

“Why are you so romantic?” She laughs and wraps her arms around his waist.

“I wish I knew. It’s a blessing and a curse, I think.” He sighs and cups her cheeks. He leans in and kisses her, she happily kisses him back and pulls him closer.

“Do you, um, need to go back to your hotel now?”

“Not necessarily, what’d you have in mind?” He raises an eyebrow at her. She leans up and whispers in his ear, making his cheeks grow hotter. He looks at her, a little stunned. “I definitely have time for that.”

“I figured you would.” She winks at him and yanks him into her building.

She wasn’t ready to let go of him just yet. Everything still felt like a dream, only better. Even when Harry had to go off to his next signing, she slept better than she ever had. She called him late one night, much to his surprise, and they spoke for hours. She didn’t have to listen to the same words over and over to fall asleep, she had him, the real him.

[qianinterprises]

Lies {Ten x Reader}

Author's Note: I wrote this in a few days and it has not been beta read so I'm more than a little sure it will have grammatical and spelling errors. I still hope you enjoy though!

Synopsis: You are hiding a big secret. A secret that, to keep hidden, you continuously lie to your boyfriend about.

Pairing: Ten x Reader

Word Count: 3600 words

Brisk, polluted air washed over the city, bringing the soft, fresh scent of morning to the land. The sun hadn’t yet risen, but the city was awake, shop owners unlocking their doors, cars stuck at traffic lights, half dressed and hung over men and women doing the walk of shame. It was the same every morning. Except, this morning, there was a slight difference.

You tugged your boyfriend's jacket tighter as a soft breeze breathed across your body. You weren’t usually awake at this hour, preferring to sleep well into the morning, but today, there was too much to think about. Too much on your mind. You’d slept as long as you could, but, for once, your boyfriend's embrace was unable to lull your racing thoughts.

Life could be complicated. Just when you were starting to enjoy it, it threw you a curveball. Typically, those curveballs somehow made everything fall into place, somehow kickstarted your life in some new, better direction. This time, life had done more than throw you a curveball. It kicked you in the crotch and spit in your cereal.

Your fingers wrapped around the cool rail of the balcony and sighed. Worries and fears rushed through your mind. How were you going to tell Ten? How were you going to tell your family and his? How did you even feel about all of this?

A hand dropped down to your stomach, still aching and cramping from the early morning sickness. Your eyes shut. This was the last thing you needed. Yet here you were.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure? You could just be late this time,” your best friend had asked.

You weren’t. All you were certain of was it had been two weeks since you were supposed to get your period and it still hadn’t shown up. Now, you didn’t like bleeding from your lady bits, but it was always a sure sign that your uterus was perfectly unhappy without a fertilized egg nestled inside its warm walls. Without a bloody hissy fit producing a murder scene in your pants and with some sort of stomach virus churning up your guts, you were beginning to get worried.

“Have you been to the doctor?” she asked.

“Yeah right, they’d call here and Ten would somehow end up answering and find out the truth from some middle-aged balding guy instead of me!”

She raised her hands in surrender.

“Then… a drugstore test?” she asked.

“How? I’d end up using my credit card and when he pays the bill, he’d see a weird charge and ask me about it, then I’d have to tell him after he’d backed me into a corner!”

She sighed, clearly getting annoyed.

“Do you want me to get it for you?”

You paused a moment to think, a smile blossoming across your face.

“That’d be great!”

She let out a groan and slid up off the couch, grabbing her purse.

“If you are, I get to name it,” she declared before marching out of your apartment.

As her car started and back out of the driveway, you grabbed your favorite blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around you, burrowing yourself deeper into the fuzzy softness as your stomach twisted in knots. You shut your eyes and took a deep breath, praying for a good answer, but the issue was, you had no idea what answer you truly wanted.

On one hand, you loved Ten with all your heart and would jump at the chance of having a family with him. On the other, he was an idol. He was an idol in NCT no less that was constantly traveling back and forth between South Korea and China for promotions. He was busy. His career was just getting good. Something like this could, not only change your life, but alter his forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It hadn’t taken long for your best friend to get back from the pharmacy. It was only right down the road after all. Still, as soon as she stepped in the door, holding up a bag filled with packages of sticks that could show your future and alter your life, you tightened the blanket around you. Did you even want to know?

She sat down on the edge of the couch seeming to read your mind as she brought a hand up to softly stroke over your shoulder. Her gaze softened. You knew she understood. It wasn’t long ago that she’d also had a pregnancy scare which had resulted in simply being food poisoning.

You doubted that was the case this time.

“It’ll be better once you know. Then, there’s no longer the lingering curiosity and fear,” she encouraged softly.

She was right. You knew that, but nothing could stop the anxiety from pooling in your stomach as you cast your eyes at the shopping bag.

“How many did you get?” you asked.

“Five. Just to be certain,” she said softly.

With a nod and a deep breath, you reached for the bag still resting in her hand. You carried it to the bathroom, locking the door. You knew she wouldn’t barge in on you, but as shuddered breaths fell from your lips, you knew you needed to do this next part completely alone.

You unpackaged each of the tests and lined them up in an easily accessible row.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eight minutes later, you sat on the bathroom floor, back pressed against the door as your eyes sharply watched the timer on your phone count down. Your chest clenched at the last few seconds before it dinged in your hand, signaling time was up. The tests were ready and, once you looked at the results, you would finally have answers, answers you possibly didn’t want.

“Deep breaths, (y/n),” you whispered to yourself.

You shut your timer off and eased yourself off the floor, hands trembling as you reached for the closest plastic stick. What were you even hoping for?

Your fingers closed around the plastic and your eyes closed, breath becoming shallow. Just a few more seconds. Few more seconds of ignorant bliss before you would be forced to learn the truth.

You swallowed a lump in your throat and opened your eyes, two pink lines on the stick greeting you.

The test fell from your hands as your body crumpled to the ground, tears spilling from your eyes and cascading down your face.

“(y/n)?” your best friend asked.

You didn’t respond. Your body shuddered as silent sobs racked through your body. It wasn’t that you weren’t happy or that you’d never dreamed of having a family, you just never expected it to happen like this, especially when you could not only ruin your life, but the life of a child and your boyfriends.

It was a few extra minutes before you were finally able to pull yourself off the floor and unlock the door. Your best friend gaped at your teary eyes, face etched with worry, but she opened her arms and you dropped into them, wrapping your arms around her tightly and clinging to her.

“It… It was… p-positive,” you stammered.

She squeezed you tightly, hands rubbing up and down your back.

“I’m pregnant…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By sheer luck, Ten hadn’t come home that night, choosing to stay at the WayV dorm with Hendery and Xiaojun who, according to Ten, were distraught and upset that they didn’t get to see Ten every day anymore.

His absence had allowed you time to dispose of the tests, all of which read positive, burying them in the trash and making a mental note to take the trash out the next day. You’d also had time to calm yourself down enough to make a decision.

Getting rid of the baby wasn’t an option. You loved children. You’d always loved the prospects of having a child. Even if Ten wanted nothing to do with you or the child, you were not going to simply get rid of it. If he left and you decided you couldn’t do it on your own, you would check yourself into a facility that would help you and give the baby up for adoption. If you thought you could handle it, you would raise your own child. Because no matter what Ten said, you still had your own choices to make.

That night, you had settled down with a sappy romance movie and a bowl of ice cream, curled up in one of Ten’s shirts in bed, preparing to tell him the next day.

However, that day would never come.

As the next day rolled around, you had put off telling him and, as the days ticked by, you kept making excuses not to. Pretty soon, you’d hit the three month mark with a healthy baby and your flat stomach was starting to expand. You’d always worn baggier shirts so, covering up wasn’t a big deal, but the constant sickness and cravings were getting harder to hide.

Arms wrapped around your waist, causing you to jump, thoughts evaporating into the chilly air.

“What are you doing up so early?” he whispered sleepily against your ear, a chill running down your spine.

“Couldn’t sleep,” you calmly responded.

He hummed against your ear and squeezed you a little closer. You winced as his arms tightened around your stomach.

“What’s wrong?”

You shook your head.

“I’m still getting over this virus, I guess,” you lied.

Ten was an attentive man, so when he noticed how often you were getting sick, in the mornings specifically, he had immediately asked you about it. Being on the spot and not quite ready to tell him the truth, you’d lied that you’d been hanging around a friend with the stomach virus and they must have given it to you. He had bought it, insisting that you go to the doctor if it got worse, but you had declined. Now, weeks after you’d first lied, as your sickness continued, Ten was becoming more freaked out, begging you to go to the hospital, convinced that you were dying.

Not wanting to admit that you’d been lying, and slightly concerned that, even three months into your pregnancy, you were still getting sick, you had waited until Ten was doing promotions before going to your doctor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s nice to see you again, Ms. (y/l/n), how have you been feeling?” your doctor, Dr. Byun asked, taking a seat on the plush stool by the laptop.

“I’ve been alright. Just concerned. I know I’m around three months, but I would have thought the morning sickness would have ceased by now…”

He let out a hum and pulled your chart up on your laptop.

“Your last check-up was two weeks ago. Did they do an ultrasound? I’m not seeing it in here.”

You shook your head.

“Alright, so that’s the first step. I will tell you that morning sickness at three months usually goes away, but it is completely common and natural for some women to experience sickness well after that,” he responded.

You let out a sigh. Ten would never buy it if you told him your throwing up was completely normal. But you nodded and he stepped from the room to get a nurse to set up an ultrasound.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the ultrasound, Dr. Byun came back, holding his notes.

“It looks like everything is normal. It’s possible that the baby is simply rejecting some of the nutrients given. I know oftentimes during pregnancy, the baby craves sweets, junk-food, or other things, but I would recommend trying to eat as many fruits and vegetables as possible. This will help give the baby nutrients and hopefully quell the sickness. However, I am going to send your blood-work to the labs and see if there is anything else going on.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That had been a week ago and still, even with extra vegetables and well-balanced meals, the sickness persisted, and with it, grew Ten’s worry.

“Maybe I should take you to the hospital if it keeps getting worse,” he suggested, mumbling against your ear.

You shook your head.

“I trust Dr. Byun. He says it can be normal when the ba- I mean, when the immune system needs a little extra nutrients,” you answered.

He didn’t respond for a long moment, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“Did Dr. Byun ever call you back with your bloodwork results?” he asked.

You shook your head. It was the truth. Sort of.

You really did feel bad for lying to him. It never was your intention, but the longer you kept your secret, the harder it got to tell him. Part of you wished you’d just come clean the day he’d gotten home so, you’d at least know how he felt and whether or not you’d be doing it alone. The other part of you was terrified the moment you told him that you’d be giving him up.

He pressed his face into the crook of your neck, lips touching your skin in a soft kiss that made you shudder in his arms.

“I love you,” he whispered against your skin.

Your heart melted. If he truly loved you, would he stay? Would he understand why you lied? Would he accept you and the baby as his?

Suddenly, you felt brave enough to come clean. No matter what, you were confident that love would prevail.

“Ten I-”

You were cut off as his phone began to ring.

He sighed, letting his head drop onto your shoulder before reaching into his pajamas pants to retrieve his phone.

“Hello?”

You couldn’t hear who was on the other end, but it was definitely Kun or their manager.

“Now?” he asked.

His nose crinkled in annoyance.

“But (y/n)’s still sick!”

A huff fell from his lips.

“Fine,” he growled into the receiver, hanging up the phone and shoving it back into his pocket, eyes fixing hard on the railing.

“I have to go. Some stupid radio show decided last minute they want us there and we can’t get out of it now,” he grumbled.

You turned around, your courage disappearing as you placed a soft hand on his cheek.

“It’s alright baby. Go, I’ll be here when you get back,” you spoke softly.

He leaned his cheek against your hand, leaning his face closer to press a gentle kiss to your wrist. Butterflies erupted in your stomach.

“I’ll be home after lunch,” he promised.

With that, he hurried back inside.

You watched him disappear into your shared bedroom before facing the city again. The sun was now almost all the way over the horizon.

Would Ten still kiss you like that if he knew?

Your heart clinched heavily in your chest.

Would you be able to live without him if he left?

Ten’s POV

Something wasn’t right. Ten knew that. What he didn’t know was what. (Y/n) had been sick for several weeks and, despite her reassurance that everything was “normal” and “fine,” he couldn’t shake the notion that you were lying about something.

As his car pulled up to the WayV dorm where their manager would be picking them up, he glanced down at his phone. He had been expecting to see you in his background, smiling blissfully, looking as radiant and beautiful as ever by the lake they’d visited over the summer, right before you’d gotten sick. What he saw instead was himself, grinning and holding a small cupcake with purple icing, a single lit candle waiting to be blown out. The picture you’d taken on his birthday.

Confused, he turned the phone over in his hand and shook his head in minor annoyance at the cute little stickers of Ten and the other members of WayV stuck on the clear phone case. Your phone case.

He must have accidentally taken your phone rather than his own in his rush to get dressed and get to the dorm.

A small laugh bubbled to his throat. He knew getting matching phones and phone cases would end up being a bad idea, but you had insisted.

The phone vibrated in his hand and he laughed as his own name popped onto the screen.

From Ten<3: Babe, you took my phone instead :D

Ten shook his head.

To Ten<3: guess you’ll have to forward me updates from everyone today!

From Ten<3: Or I could keep them all to myself and “forget” to tell you

He sent back a laughing emoji and stuffed the phone back in his pocket. He stepped out of his car as the large van meant to take them to the radio show pulled up. He waved to the manager driving and laughed to himself as YangYang led the way sprinting from the building, Lucas and Hendery hot on his heels.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was in the middle of the show that Ten felt the phone buzzing in his pocket. As Lucas energetically retold the story of how he’d managed to pull off a prank on Kun and WinWin, Ten discreetly pulled the phone from his pocket. Dr. Byun flashed across the screen and Ten’s heart quickened. On one hand, he wanted to respect your privacy and not answer the call. On the other, he desperately wanted some answers.

“We’re going to take a quick break! We’ll be right back!” the host said over the speaker.

That was all the answer Ten needed to hear.

He clicked the green answer button and pressed his phone to his ear, quickly making his way out of the room before anyone could question him.

“Hello?” he asked.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Byun, is Ms. (y/l/n) nearby?” he asked.

“She isn’t but I’m her boyfriend. I can take a message.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Ten knew he shouldn’t have said them, but part of him couldn’t help being curious, his gut too filled with worry to think rationally.

“I’m calling to let her know we got her results back. Her sickness is being caused by an anemia that sometimes has the effect on women carrying children. The fetus isn’t getting enough protein nutrients. We’d recommend she eat more red meat and add anemia vitamins to her prenatal vitamins. If the sickness doesn’t stop in two weeks, she should come back in for another visit,” he said.

The phone dropped from Ten’s hand, hitting the floor hard. His eyes were wide, hands shaking. His left knee gave out first, buckling beneath his weight. He clutched the wall for support.

“Ten!”

Kun’s voice barely reached his ears as his heart pounded.

The leaders arms wrapped around Ten’s middle, leading him to lean against him as Kun held him up.

“What’s wrong? Are you ok? Are you feeling faint?”

Ten didn’t answer. His eyes were fixed on a spot on the wall.

Pregnant. That’s why you kept throwing up…

Your POV

The moment you’d noticed you were left with Ten’s phone, anxiety pooled in your stomach. You had no idea when Dr. Byun was going to call or whether Ten would answer. Dr. Byun telling Ten the truth was not exactly the best way for him to find out. Especially since you’d been lying to him.

The minute the door to your shared apartment flew open, slamming hard against the wall, your hands began to shake.

“Why the hell wouldn’t you tell me?!” he snapped as soon as he rounded the corner.

His face was red with anger, a sight you weren’t used to seeing. Ten didn’t get angry a lot. And when he did, he often had good outlets, like dance, to vent his anger.

He yanked your phone out of his pocket and threw it on the couch, making you flinch.

“You lied to me! For months! Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” he seethed.

Yours eyes glazed as they met his, tears gathering, but you blinked, refusing to let them fall when his anger was your fault to begin with.

“I-I… I was afraid… I didn’t want to lose you…”

As soon as the words were out of your mouth, you wanted to take them back. His face fell. His arms tumbled precariously to his side. Tears gathered in his own eyes, escaping and cascading slowly down his face.

Ten didn’t cry often. His pride prevented it. Watching his shoulders begin to tremble and shake had guilt gripping at your heart tightly.

“Did I not prove my love to you enough?” he asked, voice stammering.

You stared at him for a moment before sliding yourself off the couch and wrapping your arms tightly around his shoulders.

“I know you love me baby. But… your career… I was afraid you’d leave me… leave us… because I was holding you back from this…”

It was a long moment before he responded.

His hands cupped your face gently, brushing away the tears you hadn’t realized were beginning to fall.

“My career is important. I love being in WayV, but you always come first. And now, you and the baby come first,” he spoke softly.

He trailed his hand down to softly rest it on your stomach. A water smile spread across your face.

“You’re going to have to do a lot of the parenting alone. So I’ll understand if you want to leave me to find the baby a father that will be there to help you. Otherwise, I’m with you all the way.”

You brought your gaze to his, searching his eyes for jokes or laughter. Finding none, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him close to you.

“Our baby could have no better father than you,” you whispered softly.

He pressed his lips delicately to yours, drawing you in closer and holding you against him.

“I love you,” he whispered. “Both of you.”