#i think i was so nervous the day before too that i had indigestion lol

[devotion-disorder]

sorry for cluttering yall's dashboards with just a post of me screaming lol. i was just in a really nervous situation so i was doing anything on my phone to offset the nerves 😔

I also did the same on insta notes and bc of my icon it looks like Adachi is the one screaming inside LOL what if we had a breakdown. Together 💜

im also glad that it seems to have resonated with yall. even my irl friends getting in on the action

[page-doctor-bekker]

Rooftop - Part 2 (transfemme!sarah)

(A/N) this is the second part to this :) i didn't like the first part but i like this second part. i know this seems like it's moving quickly but. it's not. i promise ;) this is a queued post and it's supposed to go up b4 i even wake up so goodmorning future me coming to check for notes :)

-

-

Sarah,

Meet me on the roof after your shift.

Sarah looked from the note, up to the glass doors that lead to the roof, then back to the note. Golden hour made it so that she could hardly see if anyone was out on the roof, let alone who it might be.

It’s practically public. There’s no way anything could happen. I am safe. Nobody knows, nobody will hurt me for it.

Her heart was practically beating out of her chest, and her stomach felt like it was two heartbeats away from dropping out of her ass, but she pushed the door open anyways and approached the balcony edge of the roof.

Chicago nights were never quiet, what with sirens and highways and all that, but it grew to be comforting. Her mom always said that when she was born, the city was silent until she started to cry. Her way of telling me off for talking too much, I suppose.

“Dr. Reese?”

Sarah looked back, and there she was. Tall, blond, and beautiful. Her accented voice rang through the air and sent fluttering butterflies through her stomach. It cut through the Chicago noise like a surgical scalpel.

Sarah’s face hardened, and Ava cocked her head to the side, “Miranda pulled through,” She said, walking towards Sarah. Her footsteps sounded at the pace of a healthy resting heart, and Sarah took a deep breath, and moved her tongue around her dry mouth.

“We repaired the defect,” She stepped up to Sarah, “She’s recovering in the PICU.”

“Did you just want me up here to discuss a case?” Sarah objected. Her tone dug an icicle into the surgeon’s chest, and Ava was taken aback.

Ava stared into Sarah’s eyes, looking for warmth that wasn’t there, or guidance on what to say next. She longed to cut the tension with a stainless steel No. 10 scalpel.

“I, uh…” She stumbled, uncharacteristic of her normal self, and with a complex tone, “I’m sorry.”

Sarah cleared her throat, “You are?”

Ava nodded, and twisted her finger in the hem of her scrub shirt.

She’s nervous.

“I mean, you did cock the whole thing up but-”

“Are you just here to lecture me again?” Sarah interjected, “Because… Because I don’t-”

“No, no, urgh…” Ava made a noise of frustration, “Look, it’s… I’m not going to lecture you again.” She affirmed, and took a shaky breath.

She’s more nervous than I am. And I’m the one that worries about being attacked all the time.

The silence weighed on Sarah’s chest in waves, to the rhythm of Stayin’ Alive by Bee Gees. She could almost feel her ribs crack under the weight of a resident’s hands.

Ava’s hands were shaking. A cardiothoracic surgeon, steady as a rock and confident as a bird taking flight, had shaky hands from a collegial interaction.

“I don’t want to lecture you,” She mumbled, and looked down at her shoes, a display of nervousness Sarah had never seen from her before today, “Because I don’t want to hurt you.”

“It’s a little too late for that,” Sarah breathed, not a hint of sarcasm in anything but her word choice.

“I know,” Ava quickly interjected, “You don’t have to forgive me, but I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. I truly can’t…” She cut off.

A siren sounded in the distance. The evening sun finally dipped below a Chicago building, letting Sarah finally see Ava’s face in detail. She seemed… Perplexed, maybe even scared.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Ava’s accent was always one of her most attractive features, at least to Sarah, even now when she could see her features clearly.

Sarah wondered if she was choking on something. There was a lump in her throat, the balloon of an intubation tube, and her cheeks felt damp.

“Sarah?”

Sarah was sniffling before she even realized she was crying. A million people have cried in this very spot.

“Sarah? Why don’t we sit down?”

“I thought you hated me,” She choked out, “I thought you’d never talk to me again, I thought you had just been playing with me all this time-”

“Jesus, Sarah, never,” Ava reached an arm out and rested it on the other woman’s shoulder.

Sarah almost melted under the surgeon’s touch, until she realized how close the surgeon’s face was to her own. She could feel her warm breath on her mouth, smell the combination of Burt’s Bees Coconut and Pear chapstick (Her favorite chapstick brand - Refused to use anything else) and Trident Dragon Fruit-Lychee gum (She went through a pack ‘a day), it blended together to create a fruity, tropical air. Laying underneath those dominating scents was lilac perfume, something Sarah always hated until she smelled it on Ava.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you like I did,” Ava whispered, “And I just-”

Ava’s pager went off with a piercing beep, and she took a step back to read the message. She tucked it back onto the waistband of her scrubs, and gave a sympathetic smile to Sarah, “Balloon angioplasty, I gotta go.”

“Okay, I’ll uh… I’ll see you tomor-”

“Wait,” Ava held a hand up, “Let me.. Buy you dinner? A drink?

This will take an hour and a half at most. You can wait in the doctor’s lounge? I’ll text you.”

Sarah smiled at Ava, who reached out and squeezed her shoulder, and walked off.

Sarah looked off onto the Chicago skyline and let out a shaky breath, and a sob. She didn’t understand what was upsetting her, what was happening, or how she felt. She understood nothing.

She let out a wail, threaded her hands through her hair, and tugged. She started braiding her hair with shaky hands. Cross, over, cross, over, cross, over, cross, over… The repetition calmed her mind, calmed her body. Put her at peace.

She sighed, puffing out her cheeks. Ava… Oh Ava…

Sarah sat on the bench, feeling things between her legs shift. She felt her stomach twist with dysphoria and she cleared her throat and took a deep breath. Once everything settled, she expected the dysphoria to fade, but it didn’t.

Her chest started to hurt, and any air she got seemed to be ripped away from her. She thought of the man from a few days before, and it got worse.

Instead of in her body on the balcony, she was swirling around into a black hole. She saw herself from above, and she was crying. She was crying, and rubbing her hands together, another nervous tic of hers.

Then she was back. And the dysphoria wasn’t any better, but she couldn’t find a reason. She couldn’t find anything; A way to fix it, a way to make it stop, nothing.

There’s nothing worse than the feeling of dysphoria. It took a long time to identify that that was what it was. She used to think the feeling of dysphoria was just indigestion, because that’s a bit like what it feels like.

The best way to describe it is by sending you on a rollercoaster. No, literally. One with a huge drop, or a loop. How do you feel when you start falling down that drop?

That’s what it feels like, but without the adrenaline and without the fun. Horribly uncomfortable.

Then, it hit her.

Ava.

Ava was a goddess. She seemed to carry an aura about her, an energy that flowed around her in waves, like ribbons around a rhythmic gymnast. She radiated confident femininity, arrogance that only she could pull off without seeming like an asshole, and a kind of catty playfulness that fueled her endless bantering.

And Sarah felt that she was hardly worthy of kneeling at Ava’s footsteps, hardly worthy of following her around like a dog, and hardly worthy of dinner and a drink. Whatever Ava saw in her, Sarah didn’t see.

Sarah at work is calculated. Precise. Cisgender, and sexually ambiguous at most. How could she even think of presenting the real Sarah to Ava, when she wasn’t even sure if she knew the real Sarah herself?

“Sarah?”

Sarah was shocked out of her dissociative haze, only to look back and see the one and only Ava Bekker standing in the doorway to the roof.

“I texted, I paged you, what’s up?”

Sarah stood up, and headed for the door, “Just zoned out,” She chuckled, letting Ava’s aura wash over him, “I’m hungry, what were you thinking for dinner?”

“Do you like mexican food? There’s a great place a few miles away called Casa de las Flores,” She gave a small smile, “I could use a margarita.”

-

-

(A/N) lol i never intended to write this chronologically but whatever. next part will be their lil dinner date

[angstyaches]

Ok so I freaking love belly rubs and now that we’ve seen Shayne receive a belly rub I want to see it reversed 😂 Charlie has an upset stomach for some reason and realizes that he just really needs to burp but he can’t and all day long the feeling just gets worse until he’s finally home and can lay down but still nothing will come up and when Shayne shows up and he lets him through the window he immediately knows something is wrong (p 1 of 2)

(P 2 of 2) somehow Charlie convinced him to help him by rubbing his stomach which of course helps and he burps into his fist a couple of times but it’s not releasing the pressure at all, actually it’s making him feel nauseous and before he knows it he suddenly vomits all over him and Shayne ( I know this doesn’t really fit with the plot you’ve got since the ending of the last fic with Shayne but i didn’t know how to make it fit 😂 you can ignore this prompt if ya want lol)

Milo, thank you, thank you, thank you. I had so much fun writing this. Baby’s first prompt.

Sorry if this is obnoxiously long; I have no idea how to judge length yet.

CW: vomiting

In the pub

Charlie had zoned out hours ago, upon realising that the three-year age gap between him and his oldest cousins meant a lot more when he was eighteen and they were fifteen. Whatever pop culture they were chatting about held no interest for him, and whatever gossip his parents, aunts, and uncles were engaging him would likely be just as boring.

He wished he could have gone and talked to Jonathan. He hadn’t seen his half-brother in months, yet he’d barely wanted to speak two words with Charlie all day. He’d brought two friends along, which Aunt Pauline had been annoyed about at the start of the day. She had gotten over it; Charlie, however, had not. The three of them had been skulking outdoors in the smoking area for hours.

Although, if he’d been given first pick, Charlie would have been chatting to been the pretty bartender with the gold lip ring. The guy looked run off his feet, yet had a smile for every one of Charlie’s relatives who had an order to bark at him, be it a chocolate-stained little cousin or his cane-wielding grandmother. He was so cute, but Charlie was too nervous to even look him in the eye. He also felt slightly… guilty, though he could think of no rational reason why he should feel guilty. He wasn’t spoken for by anyone; not even close. And that just made him sink further into his loneliness.

So, with no conversational opportunity, Charlie had occupied himself with the bar food that came out in waves. He didn’t often eat greasy food at home, and he ate exactly like a kid let loose in a store full of chicken goujons and potato wedges. His stomach started to feel kind of sloshy at one point, but that might have been from copious amounts of fizzy orange. More food would surely soak it up and settle everything down.

After the cute waiter dropped off a tray of drinks at the “adult” table, Charlie’s dad stood up and took a glass over to where Charlie was sitting.

“There you are, designated driver,” Trevor said. His cheeks were flushed red from drinking for pretty much the whole day.

“Thanks, Dad,” Charlie said, fidgeting with the keys in his hoodie pocket. “Can we go soon? I’m getting tired.”

“Of course. Last drink and we’ll hit the road,” Trevor winked, giving Charlie’s shoulder a squeeze. “You really are a blessing, son.”

He couldn’t tell if the flutter in his chest was because of the waiter still, or because of what his dad had just said. It might also have been indigestion, though he wouldn’t think of that until a little later.

“Maybe go and say goodbye to Jonathan before we head off, yeah?”

“Alright, Dad.” A blessing, he thought as his father went back to the proper adult table and sat next to his wife. Their half-demon offspring is a blessing to them. Part of him wanted to burst out laughing, the other half wanted to weep. He hovered somewhere in between, smiling despite the tightness in his chest.

He guzzled a few mouthfuls of the fizzy drink, stealing his courage as he stood up and went to talk to Jonathan.

In the car

The drive home itself was exhausting. Charlie’s energy was already spent after a whole day of socialising. His stomach was making some awful sounds, though it felt lazy and sluggish inside him after being fed such little amounts so many times throughout the day. The flavour of the fizzy orange kept repeating on him too, and he vowed never to touch the stuff again. He glanced over to see that his dad had fallen asleep against the passenger door. In the rear-view mirror, he saw that his mum was snoring with her head thrown back.

Charlie swallowed harshly. It felt like some of the fizzy orange was sitting in his throat, blocking his airways a bit. Gripping the steering wheel tightly at ten and two, he tried to let some of the air up from his stomach, but the bubbles stayed exactly where they were, gurgling amongst the sickly combination of food in his belly.

He slid his right hand from two to twelve on the steering wheel, glancing once again to make sure his dad was still asleep; Trevor would definitely yell at him for having one hand off the wheel, but it was a straight, empty road, and Charlie was decidedly below the recommended speed.

Besides, he could probably pull up enough strength to telekinetically steer the car, if he had to. Having acceleratingly strong demonic powers had its unexpected quirks, after all.

Charlie rubbed a hand across his belly, realising that it was filling out his hoodie a lot more than it should have been. He stifled a whimper as he pushed on the swell, hoping to force up at least some of what was making his stomach feel so bad. It gurgled under his hand, the pain shifting slightly but not upwards. There was a slight rumble in his chest, a fizzing in the back of his throat, but nothing more.

He put his left hand back on the wheel and sighed, surviving on the fact that at least he’d be home and lying in bed without the hour.

Back home

“Night, Mum, night, Dad,” Charlie called dully down the hall, though they’d probably both passed out on their bed in the time it had taken him to brush his teeth. He’d hoped the minty flavour would have soothed the burning acidity, but it had just mixed sickly with the fizzy orange reflux. He could finally hunch over a bit and rub his belly with a little more force, now he was alone in his room.

He reached for his bedside lamp, when a tap on the window made him jump. He almost knocked his little brown stuffed bear from the nightstand, and he rushed to straighten him.

“Sorry, Vincent,” he whispered before approaching the window. Another tiny pebble hit the glass and Charlie groaned under his breath. Couldn’t that boy learn how to send a text?

Charlie cradled his belly as he spotted the dark-haired figure in the back yard. Usually, the sight of Shayne gave him a very light, pleasant feeling, but right now he felt the furthest from light he’d ever been. He sighed and directed his gaze towards the back door, focusing on undoing the lock before ducking back into the room.

He leaned against the windowsill, rubbing his belly desperately. It was definitely too much to ask, that all of the burps trapped inside him come up in the time it took Shayne to get inside, take off his ridiculous boots, and creep upstairs. All Charlie succeeded in bringing up were a couple of orangey splashes that burned his tongue.

“Whatever it is, I’m not in the mood,” he whispered as soon as Shayne let himself quietly into the room.

The dark-haired boy frowned as he closed the door. “Hmm?”

Charlie sighed and sat down on his bed. “I don’t care if it’s a voodoo doll or a silver stake or a monkey’s fucking paw. Can we do it another time?”

“Okay, first of all; hi,” Shayne muttered. “Second; how would any of those things be useful in exorcising or communicating with a demon? And third; where were you all?”

“My cousin’s christening,” Charlie said, slipping a hand into his hoodie pocket so he could keep some pressure on his stomach. “It went on kind of late.”

“You’re telling me?” Shayne began to pace evenly back and forth. “This place gives me shivers on a normal day. Ten times worse when it’s all dark and unoccupied.”

“Well, you could try not hanging around on other people’s property,” Charlie grumbled.

“I caught three demons in the back yard,” Shayne said. “Three demons that will never possess your parents, so you’re welcome.”

“So, you’ve got fucking warding jars on you?” Charlie whined. He knew he was feeling awful for a reason, but if those jars were close-by, they certainly wouldn’t be helping.

“’Course not, I left them at the far end of the garden,” Shayne hissed. “Okay, you’re sounding more like me than me tonight. What’s going on?”

Charlie swallowed and looked up at his friend. His belly was groaning, and he hoped he was the only one hearing it. He pulled his hand from his pocket and started holding it a bit more firmly, giving up the secrecy.

“I don’t feel so good,” he whined, sitting forward. “My tummy’s really sore.”

“Oh. Well, why haven’t you taken any of those tablets you always try to force on me?”

“Because I’ll be fine once I can burp, but so far, nothing wants to come up.” Charlie’s face burned at hearing himself give so much detail. He lowered his head as he leaned towards his knees, curling around the knot of pain.

He felt the mattress take Shayne’s weight, and then a hand prying his away from his stomach. He took a sharp breath and looked up.

“Are you going to rub my tummy?”

“You’ll never hear me say it in those words, but… yeah.” Shayne was still frowning, though Charlie recognised a slight blush in his cheeks. “Here, straighten up. Stop sitting like an idiot.”

“That’s mean,” Charlie whined, slowly released his vice-grip on his belly and straightening his back. “Why do I feel like you’re going to be really bad at – mmm.”

Shayne’s hand could almost have covered Charlie’s whole belly if it hadn’t been so bloated and tight. His stomach churned uneasily alongside the movement of Shayne’s fingers, until Charlie felt gas bubbles press up towards his chest. He felt himself groan without deciding he was going to.

Shayne held his breath, pausing the motion of his hand. “What? Am I doing it wrong?”

“No, no, don’t stop,” Charlie groaned. “Can you rub my back, too?”

As soon as Shayne pressed on Charlie’s stomach and ran a hand up his spine, Charlie felt the gas bubbles release, making a deep rumbling sound in his chest. He pressed a fist to his mouth and turned his head away from Shayne. The burp was so loud Charlie worried it would wake his parents, and lasted about four seconds.

“Holy shit,” Shayne whispered. “I think I felt the room shake.”

“Shut up,” Charlie groaned.

“Feel any better?”

“Not really.”

“I’m going to lift your jumper, okay?”

Charlie almost squeaked as Shayne slid his hand under his hoodie, rubbing at the straining skin of his belly. Charlie dug his nails into the duvet to keep himself from wriggling. His skin was starting to feel prickly and warm, but that could have just been because of what was happening. Shayne was here and touching him, and not just through his clothes. He had his hand on Charlie’s bare torso. He was in pain, but he should have been enjoying this at least a little.

A weak smile twitched across his mouth as he nudged his cheek experimentally against Shayne’s shoulder. When the dark-haired boy didn’t flinch in any major way, he let himself lean a little harder, hoping his heart wasn’t pounding as loudly as he thought it was.

“What did you do to it, anyway?” Shayne asked, and it took Charlie a second to realise he was talking about his stomach. His fingers kneaded gently across it

“I, um, just kept eating, I guess.” Charlie turned his head to let out another burp, though this one sounded like it was strangled on its way up from his stomach. “And my dad kept bringing me fizzy drinks. Designated driver, you know? Aw – fuck, Shayne.”

Charlie frowned and winced as his stomach suddenly lurched under the pressure of Shayne’s hand.

“Shit – what is it?”

“I don’t know,” Charlie murmured, his cheeks suddenly tingling. A certain kind of panic began to ring in his ears. “Oh, god, I think I’m going to –”

He retched before fully realising it was happening, before he could do any kind of aiming or get his hands in front of his mouth. His hands did fly out, one landing on Shayne’s back, the other on his own knee. The majority of the thick, orange vomit landed down the front of Shayne’s jacket and t-shirt, the rest of it flicked across Shayne’s jeans and the duvet cover.

“Oh, my god, Shayne,” Charlie gasped. His hand was shaking as he brought it up to cover his mouth. Almost immediately, his head pitched forward again, another long gush of sticky orange liquid and chunks of bar food spraying over the sleeve of his hoodie as he tried to block it, but a lot still landed in Shayne’s lap.

Shayne sighed, though he really hoped Charlie didn’t hear it. He’d definitely take it the wrong way, thinking Shayne was sighing out of frustration when really, it was the only way he could release the intense sympathy he felt as the blonde boy clung to him and vomited. Shayne continued to rub Charlie’s back, though he wasn’t sure if it was helping or making things worse.

Charlie hiccuped into his sleeve, clearly forgetting that he’d just gotten sick all over it.

“Shayne,” he croaked, slowly lifting his gaze. “I’m so sorry.”

“Feeling any better?”

“Actually, yeah, I am.”

Shayne shrugged. “Then it’s fine. Jesus, if only exorcising you was so damn easy.”

[noblechaton]

sorry for this but i need 2 ramble a lil

ok so like first off health-wise i’ve been able to eat again for about a month now which has been nice but i’ve been really timid and slow about it and only go for things that i’ve been able to keep down bc i don’t wanna risk it (i eat a hot dog like every day at this point tho most of what i’ve tried has stayed down without much issue at this point but i spit certain things out on instinct like shrimp. i can still taste certain stuff hours after eating it too but it seems hard to figure out what foods and stuff cause it. it seems like certain flavors?? spices maybe?? also i started drinking alkaline water bc i heard it might help and idk if it did/does but i drink it all the time. maybe it’s related to the rest of this?? idk)

i’m not totally out of those woods yet tho i don’t think bc my neck/throat has been super uncomfortable and even in pain almost 24/7 the entire time i’ve been able to eat again and idk what that’s about. i kinda think it might be like not scabbed over but like it’s recovering from me losing ~40 pounds out the mouth for a month or two lol but i’m also really easily scared that it’s something more serious and do everything i can not to think about it (chewing gum has helped tbh)

and i still have tons of what i think is indigestion (as in a lot of burping lol. also it feels like food might still come up if i don’t make a conscious effort to keep it down whenever i burp too much or w/e) and i’m also still pretty uhhhhhh (gross word incoming) constipated and i think it’s making my stomach/sides hurt as a result (tho it could be due to my lack of eating or what I do eat not being great for that?? idk tho like i demolish rails of crackers and i think those are good for that?? maybe??)

and idk what to really do about all that at this point bc like. i’ve run every test i can really think of?? all of them came back good somehow meaning i supposedly don’t have the bad stuff i thought i did but like ik something isn’t right or else my throat wouldn’t feel weird?? since i got approved for legal weed i got a lil dropper thing but i’ve been really nervous about using it bc i’ve never done anything like that before and i don’t wanna fuck anything up since at least i can eat rn y’know?? (which is also why i haven’t been taking any medicine, especially my prescriptions which legit seem like they made things worse which isn’t surprising since some of them legit conflicted with each other but i also kinda wanna try pepto or tums again or something but again i’m nervous about ruining what lil peace i have)

i kinda wanna go back to a doctor but since they’ve been.........annoying to work with at best and bc i’ve gone so much this year i don’t really wanna go again and waste time/money if they’re not gonna be able to diagnose me y’know?? the only tests i can think to do at this point are another endoscopy, the one that goes up the other end and/or a (gross word incoming) stool test which idk like after a full year of my issues seemingly evading the doctors intentionally it’s hard to convince myself it’d be worth it but also i wanna be better now like 100% better and im tired of not knowing why i’ve been like this

beyond that tho i’ve been sleeping like pure shit and not going to bed before like 6am at best most days and waking up around 10am-1pm every day meaning i don’t get a lot of sleep anyway hhhh and my fam’s getting real testy lol which means this big trip we have planned for august might be real fun (if i don’t stay home with the cats anyway) and plus i really miss the cat bugs which is making things worse bc i don’t have anything to hyperfocus on rn (other than halo and kh1 lol)

all this health stuff has really like changed me and i’d like to think it’s mostly for the better but i need to get thru it to know for sure. like i wanna eat healthier again like i was and i wanna feel like working out and shit and not be as afraid as i’ve been (which has been so bad that i’m typically afraid to sleep but that’s been the case all year tbh). writing the lil bit i’ve written seems to have helped but i also feel like i’m kinda stumped up with that again which bites. plus i kinda haven’t had anyone to talk to about any of this since april where a few of my friends went radio silent on me (which was v cool) and so it’s all kinda been stuck in my head and gradually building and making things worse im sure 

idk. i just wanna be thru this and start really being myself again. it also sucks bc i keep feeling myself crushing/loving on two ppl who i do wanna confess to but i don’t wanna do that till i know i’m gonna be okay for sure but to do that i gotta go to a doctor again but there’s no guarantee they’ll actually figure it out since they’ve been as clueless as me but kinda rude sometimes too and hhhhhhhhhhh

[ineedtopopmyzit]

Ever since they said all the planets are in direct, I’ve been having the best times. I can’t really figure out if it’s the planets influence or because I’ve been working out regularly or I’m out of the winter blues? And it’s not even that I am working less or a lot of lucky things have happened to me. It’s more so that I feel good. That also doesn’t mean I don’t cry or I’m not grumpy. I still have stomach issues from time to time… like right now I’ve been experiencing indigestion from couple days ago and my poop has not been the same lol anyways, I love having this vibrancy. I feel myself glowing and I feel like I’m just absorbing all the bright sun energy and releasing them when I interact with people. I guess the last time I remember feeling like this was like may of 2020? Even though I had just ‘broken’ up with neb and it was in the midst of a pandemic. Or maybe I have the dates wrong? I just remember graduating and soon after, I felt all the tensions release and I felt more myself with my mind again. When I feel like this, I feel like the world is on my side and everything I do just feels a little easier. There’s no little to no push backs. There are still challenges but I have more confidence and positive attitude to go on. On another note, the main reason why I started this post is because I am going on a date today and I wanted to write down my initial thoughts and feelings and compare it to post date. I think it’s been about 6 months since the last date? And about 2 years since I last had sex? I think I was ovulating last week cus I was feeling horny and I decided I wanted to look for a FWB. Also hpest talking about her dating experiences on CMB made me wanna get on it. Mind you I haven’t been on CMB for like 6-7 years, I felt like the app and people on the app were just not my type lol but I like that it is slower paced so I am not constantly swiping for more people. So I’m seeing a guy tonight from the app. And I’m p nervous. Also I’m p excited about it. He has been really communicative, I feel like I can be myself, and he seems to have a solid life outside of dating apps. Hasn’t given me any red flags, our convos are p smooth. Also he’s flirty without being gross. He jokes with me, takes my roasts/flirting well, and he’s p thoughtful. He sends me good morning AND good night texts, and I hadn’t gotten a good night texts in a second. Anyway, I think it’s important for me to not get too emotionally involved. I need to practice not objectifying someone I like. And so I’m going in with a cautious mind. What I’m looking to gain from the date is knowing he’s not cat fishing me and me finding him actually attractive in person and see how we vibe. I think it’s been making me nervous for the past couple days because I’ve been waking up at 5am nervous to see if he sent messages or what is going to happen. So I really want to practice relaxing my body. Things that ground me are: boxing, meditation, keeping myself busy like cooking or watching tv shows. Focusing on things I like to do is important. Listening to music helps too. But anyway, I just wanted to have things down before tonight happened. Last time I had high hopes, he ended up totally not being my type and it was kind of a disaster for me so I hope this time around, I at least can have fun.