#i think i slept fine when i had to share w my siblings a few weeks back??? i cannot remember

[tamaharu]

i cannot fucking sleep with a roommate and my melatonin is shit im going to kill myselfff lolllll

[xoxo-teddybear]

If This Is Wrong, Then I Don’t Wanna Be Right - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: DARK THEMES, INCEST, Smut, Filth, Cursing, not spell checked SORRY >w<

Summary: Ever since your dad remarried into the Bakugou family, your life’s been turned around. One incident with your step brother led to a plethora of problems that were so wrong but felt so right.

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Another day, another confused Y/N. Y/N L/N, now Y/N Bakugou, has been going through it. Her mom leaving her family at a young age, her dad going through stages of grief and neglecting Y/N, and now the worst of it all. He’s been remarried.

That’s not the bad part. Y/N was happy for her dad, especially since Mitsuki Bakugou made him a better person and father. The bad part was her son. Bakugou Katsuki.

Don’t get it twisted, Bakugou and you got along great, but for reasons your parents didn’t know. Before you two became step siblings, you and Bakugou had huge crushes on each other and even slept together before at a party. It was safe to say those feelings never went away, especially now that you both lived with each other.

You were smart though. You couldn’t ruin this great thing for your dad. And you finally had a family again after all these years of just being a daddy-daughter duo. You couldn’t destroy this. However, Bakugou had other plans. He was very forward with his feelings towards you and always made attempts to pursue you. And no matter how many times you told him “we’re siblings now, what we feel can never happen,” he chose to ignore it.

Ever since you became his little step-sister, Bakugou’s love for you just grew stronger. He doesn’t care that you guys are legal family now, he wants you and only you and he refuses to move on. No matter how many times you deny him, he knows you both long to be together. Besides, Bakugou Katsuki always gets what he wants.

—

“Love you guys, see you soon.” You said hugging your parents goodbye. They were going on a work trip for Mitsuki’s job and were gonna be gone for about 3 months.

“See you soon sweetie. Be sure to take care of yourself, okay?” Your dad said.

“I’ll be okay dad.” You assured him. Mitsuki went in to hug you before she left.

“Don’t let Katsuki bug you too much, love.” She said.

“THE HELL DID YOU SAY YA HAG?!” Bakugou screamed.

“OH HUSH!” She said and walked to the car along with your dad. You guys said your final goodbyes and went inside. Once you shut the front door, Bakugou stood infront of you with a smirk and his hands in his pockets.

“Soo...princess. Whaddaya wanna do?” He said with a cocky grin. You gulped in nervousness. You knew his game. Bakugou always teased you with his touch or said dirty things in your ear when no one would look. Now you guys were home alone for the next few months. Who knows what would happen.

“Look Katsuki, I’m just gonna head up to my room to watch a movie.” You said and began to walk but Bakugou followed.

“Mind if I joined?” He asked.

“Join? In my room? In my bed? I don’t think so Katsuki.” You said with your arms crossed. Your arms only lifted your bust even more and Bakugou licked his lips at the sight of your chest in that tube top.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do anything....unless you want me to.” He teased as he walked up to you with his hand lifting your chin and his arm around your waist. He leaned in a little and smirked even more.

“You look like you don’t want me to stop,” he said that and your body naturally pressed in closer to his. His hand travelled to your ass to give it a firm squeeze which had you gasping, and just as your lips were about to touch you pulled away.

“Mm, no, Katsuki. Just- if you want to watch, you can come I guess.” You gave in and walked to your room and left your door open just in case Katsuki chose to join you. Soon enough, he walked in and sat next to you on your bed.

The movie progressed and Bakugou had made no attempts which shocked you. The whole time, you kept giving him side eye to see if he was sneaking some dirty looks at your body..but..nothing. He wasn’t trying anything and honestly..it left you a little needy.

Needy for his attention, for his touch...for him. The movie eventually reached a steamy scene and the whole time your face grew red. You and Bakugou both watched and whenever you glanced at him, he continued to hold a nonchalant look on his face. You however could feel yourself growing wet. You watched the scene and imagined it was you and Bakugou it that bed. You imagined how his hands would feel against your bare body again, and soon, you mind wandered off to the night you both shared when you weren’t siblings yet.

You missed the way his lips felt, the way his body radiated a comforting warmth, the way he dragged his cock in and out of you, bringing you to your euphoric release. You couldn’t help it. He was your crush after all. Without realizing, the movie came to an end and throughout the whole hour and 45 minutes, Bakugou didn’t make one attempt to touch you.

“Nice movie,” he began. “Gonna make some food. Want any?”

“Umm....no..I’m uh, all set.” You said with a little confused voice. Bakugou found it adorable and just walked off to the kitchen.

He almost died during that movie. He had to sit next to you, on your bed, HOME ALONE, as you wore a tube top and tight booty shorts, and not touch you at all.

“Settle Katsuki, geez. Just wait a little more,” he said to himself. Bakugou realized he was getting nowhere with him going after you, so he came up with this plan. Now, Bakugou was no dummy. You loved him the same way he loved you, but he knew you didn’t wanna ruin this precious little family, so he’s gonna push you to your limit. You’re so used to Bakugou touching you, feeling up on you, teasing you, and whispering dirty and sweet nothings into your ears. Now, Bakugou’s gonna stop with his pining, and wait for you to break. Wait for you to beg for him and his touch. He’ll wait for his little princess to finally come to him to settle her needy desires. Yes, it would be dreadful for Bakugou to be patient but he knew it would be worth it in the end.

Soon, you came out to the kitchen for some water. He noticed you looked a little flushed and had a little blush on your face.

‘Had she been toying with herself?’ Bakugou thought. The imagine of you playing with yourself and thinking of him entered his mind. It caused him to get riled up as he bit his lip to fight the moans attempting to leave his mouth. Bakugou had already seen all of you and even been inside you, but he craved for it again. But he wanted more than your body. He wanted you as a whole.

“You okay?” He asked. He noticed how you jumped at his voice and when you slightly turned to face him, he caught how your eyes looked him up and down, causing him to smirk the slightest bit.

“I’m fine, don’t worry Suki!”

‘Suki.’ He thought. That’s the name you called him when he completely rearranged your guts. He raised his brow at the name and you caught on to that. He saw you grin a little at the realization and he knew what you wanted. But you had to say it. You were only hinting at your neediness and he needed you to beg for him. Your little smirk wasn’t good enough.

“Alright. I made an extra plate for you. I’m all set so I’ll be in the shower,” he said. He noticed you staring at him, waiting for something more. Usually, after announcing he would be in the shower, he would usually offer you to join him. But not this time. He walked off and as he walked he heard you release the slightest whine. It caused his friend to painfully rise and once he entered the shower, he had to settle himself.

As you were left in the kitchen, you rubbed your legs together for friction. Bakugou hadn’t given you the slightest bit of attention ever since your parents had left. You won’t lie, when you found out your parents would be leaving for a few months, you had silently hoped Bakugou would take the opportunity to ravish you, but nothing came. Had he grown tired of waiting for you? Was he no longer interested? The thought scared you. He was your step brother, but you couldn’t stop the way you were feeling. You left to the privacy of your room to please yourself once more. And yes, it would be to the thought of Bakugou once again.

—

It was around 3 a.m. as you layed in bed, still awake and unsatisfied. The thought of Bakugou losing interest scared you. You couldn’t be together, but you still wanted him to want you the same way you do him. It was selfish and wrong, but you could help yourself. Eventually, your thoughts became too much and so you left to see Bakugou yourself.

You knocked on the door and after a minute, a shirtless Bakugou opened the door. It was obvious he wasn’t sleeping either. Must’ve been occupied with something else, the same like you.

“Hey Y/N, what’s up?” He asked.

“Y/N, huh? No princess, no love, no nothing?” He raised his brow with his head slightly thrown back. He laughed a little before speaking.

“Sorry am I missing something? Whaddaya need, princess?” He finally said. When the little pet name left his mouth, you could already feel yourself settling down the tiniest bit, but it wasn’t enough.

“Can we talk?” You asked and he only stepped aside and opened up the door for you. You walked in as he shut the door and you took a seat on his bed as he stood infront of you.

“Alright, talk. Need something?” He said.

“Sort of. I kinda just want to ask...what’s up with you lately.” You admitted.

“What?”

“You- heh, you’re not you.” You laughed out. He laughed too because he knew what you were talking about but he played dumb.

“Come again?” He asked. You released a tired sigh before continuing.

“What’s up? You don’t touch me anymore, you don’t tease me with your words, you don’t even spare me an extra glance. Why?” You asked.

“Aww, does princess miss my attention?” He teased.

“Maybe I do.” You said with a smirk and he mimicked your look and bit the side of his cheek. Suddenly, the tension in the room grew and you could feel heat rise to your cheeks.

“I’ve been pining after you for months, Y/N. I spoil you with my touch and comfort you with certain words and the second I stop, the princess gets replaced with a brat?” He said with a devious smirk. He leaned in closer to your face before speaking. “Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?” You questioned.

“Stop acting like you don’t want me as much as I want you.” Your eyes went wide at his words.

“What?” You released with a breathy voice.

“You like me and I like you. A lot. Some would say it’s close enough to love, princess. And I know you better than you think. I know you miss the attention I give you and I know you miss the way my cock feels inside your sweet little cunt.” He said moving in as he spoke into your ear with his hands at your sides on the bed, caging you in.

You stood up and placed your hands on his shoulders and this time you got in his face.

“You’re right. I miss your attention and I definitely miss the way you took care of me that night. But we’re still siblings-“

“Step siblings,” he corrected.

“Doesn’t matter. We’re still legally related and so if we were to be together, no matter how bad we both want to, we both know it’s wrong.” You explained. Bakugou held your chin with his fingers and had his other hand press into your cunt, earning a moan from you.

“If this is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.” He said as his forehead was pressed against your own. His fingers continued to rub into you throughout your thin shorts. You released more moans and gasps as he smirked. “You’re not stopping me, Princess.”

“I don’t think I want to, Suki.” You said and your arms quickly wrapped around his neck and pulled him into a kiss, that he gladly returned. He smiled into the kiss as his hands went to grip and your ass. He squeezed it just enough for you to moan into the kiss and he took the chance to slide his tongue in, tasting your wet cavern. Your tongues fought for dominance until he eventually won, but you weren’t going down so easily. You turned yourselves around without breaking the kiss and you pushed him onto his bed. You climbed on top of him, straddling his waist as you dove back into the kiss.

“Looks like my princess is finally taking control,” he smirked as you separated.

“Your princess?” You teasingly asked.

“Yeah. My princess. Like it?” He asked with a grin.

“Love it,” you said and then proceeded to kiss him. Soon, your bottoms came off along with your panties. Bakugou felt the smooth skin and smacked your ass and having you groan at the sensation. You felt his boner press against your bare clit and you both quickly discarded his sweats along with your top.

Now, your bare bodied pressed together as your hand went to Bakugou’s cock. You rubbed at his tip as he gasped.

“Ohh f-fuck princess.” You smirked from above him as your hand jerked his hard cock.

“You like that, Nii-San?” You giggled out. Bakugou opened his eyes and noticed your smirk. He watched as your tits jiggled right infront of his face and on instinct, his hand went right to grope it. You bit your lip as you moaned from his touch.

“You just love your big brother’s cock, dontcha’ huh sis?” He teased.

“Mm, yess Suki!” Bakugou smacked your ass with his free hand.

“Wrong name, Princess.” He rubbed at your ass that was now red with his hand print as you continued to play with his cock.

“Mm, Nii-San!” You moaned out.

“That’s a good girl,” he said as he pulled you in closer to suck on your chest. He flipped you over in the process and kissed down your body. He kissed your wet cunt before giving it a slow lick. You mewled at the feeling of his tongue and begged for more.

“N-Nii-San! Don’t stop! Please!” Bakugou smiled against your clit as he feasted on your sweet nectar. His tongue reached every inch of your pussy and he sucked on your little nub. His tongue entered you as your hands grabbed at his hair.

“Fuck yess!! Just like that! Mm..” your hips began to grind against his face as his hands wrapped around your legs to hold you steady.

“Gotta stay still for your big brother, Princess.” He spoke before continuing. He had your legs shaking around his head as he continued.

“S-Shit! Nii- ..Nii-San! I’m gonna cum!” You said while pulling at his soft locks. He held you down tighter.

“Cum, cum on my tongue Princess,” he said as he continued. He slurped at your sweet cunt as he pushed you closer and closer to the edge. You felt your orgasm approach you as your released the white honey onto his tongue, and Bakugou didnt waste a drop. He left your cunt but sent two fingers inside of you, pressing against your g-spot. He stood above you, using his other hand to jerk his cock.

“You fucking ready for the main event princess?” He asked and kissed your cheek as you moaned at his fingers.

“Yess! Please,” you said. Bakugou went up to your ear and softly spoke to you.

“Then I want you to beg for it,” he said, “beg for Nii-SAN’s giant cock. Beg me to fuck you so good you forget your own name, slut.” His words had your hips grinding against his hand.

“Mm, please Nii-San! Please fuck me!” You begged. But Katsuki wasn’t satisfied.

“C’mon Princess, you can do better. Nii-San had to wait a whole day before he could touch you again. I wanna hear you beg a little harder,” he said. You gave in and cried out for him.

“Please! Please just fuck me. I want you- need you so bad! Please I need your cock to fuck me! Please Nii-San!” You begged. A blush adorned your face as you felt the heat in your cheeks burn due to embarrassment. You didn’t even realize Katsuki align himself with your entrance until he kissed your cheek to snap you out of your embarrassed state.

“That’s my good little princess.” He said and slammed himself into you. Last time, Katsuki gave you a second to adjust to his length, but this time he’s been waiting and holding himself back for months now. And today, he didn’t allow himself to touch you at all, and so he went right to it and began his hard, steady thrust. His speed was incredible and he was fucking you so hard the bed was hitting the wall. “S-Shit! My little slut like that? Does she like having her- fuck- her big brother’s cock balls deep inside of her?”

“Yes, Please! M-More!” You cried out. Katsuki wrapped your legs around his bare waist and slammed into you even harder. His hand went to grip his headboard as he fucked you into oblivion. His thrust had you seeing stars as he reached a sensitive spot. “Oh my god! Yes! Y-Yes Katsuki right there-“

Katsuki slightly smacked your face as your head turned to the side. You moaned at the tingling sensation and you felt his thrust become faster and his hand wrapped around your throat. He squeezed it as he spoke to you through shut teeth.

“Not my name, Y/N. Try again,” he warned. You felt your tongue roll out as you attempted to speak but his thrust only brought out moans. “Say it!”

“Nii-San!” You cried out. He kissed you deeply as his hand went to grab at your chest. Your pussy squeezed him so tightly his head dropped next to your shoulder.

“Fuck Princess! Oh god you’re squeezing me nice and tight. Mmmm, I’m gonna wreck this pretty little pussy. Ahh-“ Bakugou’s hips jerked a little as your cunt tightened at his words. His grip on the headboard got stronger until he broke it. He looked up to see the damage and cursed at it. He threw it to the side as he placed both hands on your rips.

“Shit, shit, shit...God yess!” He cried out with his head thrown back. Your hands went his back as your claws marked him. He was gonna feel that in the morning, but as of right now, it was nothing but pleasure.

The feeling in your stomach returned and you felt your high coming.

“I’m- IM CUMMING!” He sped up and went deeper, forcing your release. You came around his cock but Katsuki didn’t stop.

Due to the wait, Katsuki was much more sensitive that he usually would be. He knew he would be cumming quicker than he thought and sadly, his fun would have to end soon.

“Oh god, princess I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna fill up that sweet pussy with all my cum. You want that?,” he smacked your face again as his hand wrapped around your throat once more, “you want me to fuck my kids in you? Huh? Pump my load right inside your womb and give you my brat. Bet you would love that, right princess?” He said and smacked your ass once more.

His hips stuttered and his thrusts became sloppy as he met his climax. His hot cum filled your Pussy and you cried out at the feeling. He moaned with his head thrown back as he pumped you full. The feeling of his semen dripping out of you had you shivering. He stilled before he pulled out and watched his cum drip out of you. He smiled at the sight and went to lay next to you. He pulled you closer into his chest as you both allowed heavy breaths to be released.

As Bakugou almost settled he felt your hand grab his cock again. You began to pump his length more and he began moaning with teary eyes.

“N-No, princess please. S’too much. F-fuck, I can’t!” He cried out as you went faster. You smirked as you watched his blush grow stronger. His hard on returned again and his cock rose from the friction. You straddled his lap again and placed his tip at your entrance. You leaned in closer as you spoke.

“I’m not done yet, Nii-San.” You said and slammed down on his cock. Katsuki loudly moaned and cried out as you sped up your bounce.

“F-fuck! Fuck Princess I can’t! Oh god- I have nothing else! P-please!” He begged. “Too much! Too sensitive!”

You continued to bounce on him and ride his dick as he moaned in immense pleasure. The overstimulation had him going insane. Soon, he did a full 180 and begged for more instead of less.

“Ah..Ah! Fuck! Don’t...don’t stop Y/N! Yeeaahhh bounce on that cock! AH! God yes!” His hands gripped at your waist as you continued your movements.

“Mm, Nii-San your cock feels so good~” you moaned out.

“Yeah?” He asked as his face got closer.

“Mhmm,” you nodded as you both quickly went in for a desperate kiss. You both sucked at each other’s faces as you continued to fuck his cock. The thrusts kept on until your thighs began to shake and you both felt another release coming.

“Sh-it, cumming! I’m cumming! Ohh fuck! M’Gonna shoot blades inside ya!” You slid up and down vigorously until both of you released.

“N-NII-SAN!” You said with your hands on his shoulders and head thrown back. As you both finished, you grinded on his hips.

“Heh,” you both laughed out as you made out once more. You both stilled your movements as Bakugou pulled you off his cock but kept you in his lap. You both had heavy huffs as your breaths settled and a comforting silence overtook the room. You drew little shapes on his naked chest as he smiled towards the ceiling. He finally had his dream girl...sorta.

After a brief period of silence, you spoke again.

“Umm...Katsuki?” You asked. He opened his eyes and looked at you. He kissed your forehead before he spoke.

“Yes princess?”

“What now?” You asked.

“What do you mean?” He said as he continued to look down at you.

“...what are we?” You said looking at him with doe eyes. He showed a small smiled as he held you tighter.

“Well, you’re mine now and I’m yours. That’s what we are.” He said with a comforting look. You smiled back at your new title. His. It sounded nice. But there was something else that obviously complicated the matter.

“But...but what about our parents...this family?” Bakugou sat up and had you look at him as you sat in his lap.

“Let’s run away, Y/N.” He said with all the seriousness in the world. Your eyes went wide at his offer.

“W-what?” You asked. There was no way he was being serious.

“Let’s run away. You and me. We’ll go somewhere where no one knows us. And we’ll get to be together without any problems.” He explained.

You continued to stare. Running away? From your dad? From a family you finally had after so many years. As you thought about it, nothing but Katsuki came into mind. You smiled as you realized you didn’t need them. You just needed him. Katsuki would be your family, Katsuki would be all you need. Were you going to stay for your family that you’ve only had for a few months? Were you going to stay for a dad who neglected you for a decade? Why do that when you could just run away with the love of your life and be together, be a family, and be happy?

“Run away with me Y/N,” he spoke, snapping you out of your trance.

You smiled as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Let’s go, Katsuki.” He smiled back at you and you both shared a kiss, filled with love and happiness. You cuddled into each other as you both fell asleep in pure bliss. He was your family, he was all you needed.

As the days went on, almost 3 months have passed. You and Katsuki have been together for almost 3 months, not as step siblings, but as a couple, and you’ve never been happier. On the Sunday of the last week on the third month, you and Katsuki packed your things. Throughout the months, you and Katsuki have found an apartment to stay in far away from this town and prepped everything to leave. You guys had finally packed your things and placed them in Katsuki’s car. You placed a letter for both your parents explaining you both decided to leave and that this is what you both really wanted. You also mentioned that you both would be fine and would prefer if they didn’t go out to look for you both. You grabbed your final bag and looked at your old home until Katsuki came and wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

“Ready to go, babe?” He asked.

“Let’s go!” You both shared a quick kiss and then went to his car. He drove off and you were finally happy. Katsuki kept a hold of your hand as he drove, giving it a quick kiss from time to time, earning a little giggle from you. And you? You finally realized. Your relationship was so wrong. But you didn’t care. You loved Katsuki and he loved you. Now you were both together and happy after all these past months of living together as siblings and crushing on each other for years before that.

So if this relationship was wrong, then you didn’t wanna be right.

You both eventually arrive to the other side of the city and begin moving boxes in to the new apartment. It’s been a long day so you decided to just leave the boxes in the kitchen and living area and work on the bedroom. You both unpacked your clothing and set up the bathroom. You put your sheets on and finished styling the bedroom.

It was dark by the time you guys were done with the bathroom and bedroom and you and Katsuki had just finished washing up and getting in bed. You both cuddled in as some random movie softly played on the TV as background noise. This was..home.

“You know something, princess?” Bakugou randomly spoke.

“Hm?”

“Don’t get me wrong, im still gonna do it, but I realized I won’t have to put a ring on you to get you to change your last name,” he chuckled out.

“Uh!” You both laughed as you smacked his chest. He held you closer before he spoke again.

“I’m serious though, when I marry you, we won’t have to go through the whole ‘changing your name’ thing.” He said.

“You’re that sure you’re gonna choose me to marry?” You asked.

“I know for a fact that I’m marrying you, Princess. It’s never been anyone else but you.” He admitted as he got lost in your E/C eyes.

You awed at his compliment and cuddled in closer after you pecked his cheek. The room met with silence once more and a comforting aura filled the air. You reveled in the feeling and just smiled.

“Suki?” You spoke up.

“Yes?” He asked.

“.....I love you.”

Bakugou looked down to you, tilted your chin up so your lips could meet his. He sent his love through the small skin contact and when he separated, he gave you a sweet smile that was reserved just for you.

“Not as much as I love you, Y/N.” You both held loving looks as he tucked you back under his chin and wrapped you in his arms. Yeah, your relationship with your step brother was taboo, but you honestly couldn’t care less. You loved him and he loved you. You were away from all the problems that would come with the relationship and you both were the happiest you guys could have ever been.

[pascalpanic]

Benny’s Girl (Prequel to Before The Next Teardrop Falls)

Inspo: Jessie’s Girl by Rick Springfield

Pairings: Benny Miller x f!Reader, later Frankie Morales x f!Reader (in Before The Next Teardrop Falls)

Summary: Benny’s new girlfriend is everything Catfish wants and more. Too bad it’s his best friend’s girl.

W/C: <4k

Warnings: language, sexual content, pining ohhh my word pining. 

A/N: HI FRIENDS <3 I absolutely loved Before The Next Teardrop Falls and I LOVE writing pining, especially with my Frankie baby, so I decided to make a prequel to it! This fic is based on Jessie’s Girl by Rick Springfield, which I absolutely ADORE. you can read this as a stand alone or you can read it as a prequel, I think either one works well!!

Sometimes, a spark seems to appear where one never existed. It’s common enough; it’s the reason most relationships fizzle out before they can become something explosive and fiery. One thinks that the dynamite is going to explode and take off in a bright shower of colors, when in reality the lighter never truly lit the wick.

That’s what happened between you and Benny Miller. You’d loved the guy, really, but not in the way you thought. You still do. It’s just that the both of you were lonely people seeking something more than your past had given you. The two of you were hopeless romantics. Maybe that’s what started the relationship.

You’d met in a way typical for the younger Miller brother. You’d been at a bar with some friends who were desperate to get you laid. The same could be said for Benny, who was there not with his brothers-in-arms but the man he’d defeated in the ring that night. Nick and Benny were good enough friends, close enough that losing to the other was rarely a sore spot. 

He’d spotted you across the bar, thought your laughing face was beautiful and your smile as you locked him was magnetic, drawing him to you before he could stop himself. Natural attraction. You introduced yourself. He told you his name was Benny. You asked why his hands were taped, he explained that he was a professional fighter, you’d made some snarky joke and you ended up talking for the rest of the night. One of your friends left with Nick. You and Benny stayed until the bartender shouted that it was the last call. You wrote your number on his taped palm and he saved it. 

You went on two bar dates before he decided he needed to introduce you to his best friends. They were like brothers to him, they knew everything about him and he knew them inside and out. You went to the same bar as you’d met at, and you met the men he’d served with in his Special Ops days.

Santiago, known as Pope for some godforsaken reason, was a charmer. He’d kissed your hand after shaking it, complimenting you and making small talk, finding connections and building on them. You’d laughed at the man’s joking advances, and flirted right back. Benny squirmed lightly, but you kissed his cheek and assured him you were just playing along.

William, Will, Ironhead, was Benny’s older brother. He’d given you a warm clap on the back and shook your hand, telling you that you were brave for putting up with the rascally guy. You had to admit, it was fitting. It was clear that they’re brothers: they had the same furrow to their brow, their blue eyes widened in reaction to anything, they had a similar habit of tipping their head back to laugh when something was especially funny. 

Frankie Morales, Catfish, was the last one you met and most definitely your favorite. He was quieter than the other guys, sat back while the other men made the noise. He was the punching bag, taking the brunt of the hyperbolized jokes- how Catfish hadn’t slept with a woman in 10 years, how he was the loud one of the group, how he was the one you had to look out for when he was drunk. You knew none of them could be true. He had a sweet smile and gave you a nod when you introduced yourself. He and Pope had some kind of banter between the two of them, albeit a banter you couldn’t understand as someone who didn’t speak Spanish. 

Throughout the night, you found yourself more drawn to Frankie. He had a beautiful laugh, would pull his ball cap down a little lower when someone made a joke about him. He was the one who’d expose a lie Benny or Santiago took. He nursed one beer while the other men got rowdy, and you’d done the same. It seemed that the two of you found kindred spirits in each other over the course of the night, while Benny and Will and Santi smacked each other around and took an obnoxious amount of trips to the bathroom.

When it was time to head out, you’d hugged each of the men goodbye. It was already clear that you fit in just like one of them, even if you didn’t have the past experience that bonded the men. You hugged Frankie last. He was the best hugger; he wasn’t ridiculously ripped like Benny, firm and awkward like Will, or flirtatious like Santiago. He was strong but soft. The man was definitely a hugger, you could tell, and it was comforting for the brief moment or two you were in his arms. 

Frankie put his cap on your head teasingly, covering your eyes, then stole it back and gave you a pat on the back. “Ben’s a wild one. Good luck with him,” he teased and walked off. You had to admit, his ass had a nice curve to it as he walked off to his beat-up truck. “Call me if he does anything stupid and I’ll beat his ass for you,” he called over his shoulder, prompting Benny to flip him off and put an arm around you. He simply laughed and got in his car.

-

Frankie became your favorite of the group. The two of you are the ones teasing each other exclusively and sitting quietly while the other men get crazy. Frankie tries sips of the cocktails you order, excitedly making grabby hands when the bartender sets it down. He always lets you steal some of the food he orders when you’re at the bar longer than normal. He shares your affinity for classic rock and when the bar blasts AC/DC, it’s Frankie who screams the lyrics to Thunderstruck with you while the others cover their ears. Santiago joins in sometimes too, but the country-loving Miller brothers never quite know all of the words like Catfish does. 

At some point in the few month relationship, you earn your nickname of Queenie. It’s from teasing Santiago, and the one who bestows the title upon you is Will, the most stoic of the group. It’s an honor, you tell them all, laughing. You call the shots, and everyone follows. Even though Benny is your lover, Frankie is your second-in-command.

When Frankie does allow himself to get drunk, he’s the most fun of the group. He’s extra lovey, telling the men how much he appreciates them. He tells stories the other men won’t about their Special Ops days, about the stupid things Will did when they were abroad. He’s shamelessly goofy and funny and falls all over the men. You even convince him to do karaoke with you once.

Benny is an overgrown class clown, but he won’t do karaoke, no matter how hard you begged him, called him baby and pressed soft kisses to his face. He wouldn’t budge. Tonight was a rare night that Frankie drank more than one round. “I’ll do it!” He shouts excitedly, eyes lighting up. “Ooh, c’mon, it’ll be fun. We’ll be so good at it.”

You, unfortunately, were not good at it, but you had the time of your life with Frankie. On that barely-raised platform, the two of you sang Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart, completely out of tune and out of sync. You were giggling the whole time, especially at Frankie’s falsetto on the little “woo-hoo”s. 

The two of you tumbled back to the table after, you giggling and falling into Benny’s arms. “Did you like it?” You cooed, sitting on his lap.

Benny laughed genuinely, pressing a kiss to your face. “Sure did. That was fantastic. Maybe you’ll have to sing just for me sometime, huh?” He teases.

Frankie sits alone on his barstool at the end and downs the rest of his beer. He flashes you a quick smile when your eyes meet his and he retires early for the night.

-

You and Benny had sex a couple of times. He was good at it, good enough. You enjoyed the way his lips moulded to yours, the way his thrusts were quick and fast and properly angled. From a technical standpoint, he should’ve been perfect. It was all you wanted, but there was no real connection behind it. The moans that trailed from your lips were small and soft, and the louder ones were never genuine. He always made you orgasm, at least, but it was slow and dull, the kind you’d wring from yourself with just two fingers.

The two of you had fun together. You went to the county fair, you got boisterous and drunk at bars, you did everything two twentysomethings are expected to do in a relationship. After every date, you had a small sad smile on your face as you got in your bed and distracted yourself with something on your phone. Something about it wasn’t right: you didn’t connect soulfully, in some mystical and spiritual way where one can read the other’s mind, in the way that movies and books and legendary romances felt some kind of supernatural force that pulled the strings and led them closer. It wasn’t what you needed, but it was what you wanted, and so you hung on a little longer.

Benny felt the same, but he was too afraid to disrupt the balance. He’d rather be mediocrely happy than alone again. He liked having a girl to squeeze water into his mouth and wipe his sweat after a fight, someone to slide his dick into while her lips met his skin. He didn’t want to lose that, even if he was slowly realizing that he just wanted a friendship with you.

You hung out with him and the other men more. You realized that he wasn’t your boyfriend around them, more of a sibling, teasing and nudging. There was no affection, no romance, just the playful aspect of him. That was fine, you told yourself, until you realized that it wasn’t, it couldn’t be.

-

By principle, Frankie is not and refuses to be a jealous man. That changed when you came into the picture. 

Something about you is absolutely magnetic to him, more than the way Benny was drawn to you across the bar. Sure, he’s been attracted to many girls, but he wants you. He yearns for you. He makes a joke at the table and it doesn’t make anyone but you laugh, but he doesn’t give a shit that Benny and Will and Santiago don’t find it funny, because he gets to watch the way your eyes glimmer and your mouth falls open and your chest heaves with the beautiful ring of your laughter.  

He loves that you hug goodbye, because he gets to pretend for a moment that you’re his and he is yours, that he can press his lips to your soft skin and call you his girl. But you’re Benny’s girl, and he’s okay to live like that. He’d rather have you as a friend than not have you at all. Even if he dreams about you at night, even if you live in his head on repeat, saying his name. Frankie, baby, I want you, I want you…

One night, in his sleep, the sound of those words echoed through his head. He’s never heard you say them, but his unconscious brain assembled them like a beautifully haunting jigsaw puzzle that made all of his blood run south. 

Dream-you is standing in the doorway to his bedroom, wearing just his t-shirt. Dream-you smirks, walks closer, climbs over Frankie and presses her lips to his and her tongue delves into his mouth. She lies down onto him and grinds her hips to his and laughs and laughs and he presses his face into the curve of her- your- neck, smelling your perfume and grinding his hips back against dream-you’s. “All I want is you, Frankie,” dream-you mumbles and bites his lower lip. He shivers and dream-you coos his name, lines herself over his aching member and just before she slides down, he wakes up to a dark and lonely bedroom with a half-hard dick. 

You and Benny joined the gang the next night out. He couldn’t meet your eyes. He listened as you fussed over Benny, heard you call him baby and steal his beer with a giggle. 

“What the fuck has gotten into you, Fish?” Santiago asked when you’re in the bathroom. 

Frankie shook his head. He pulled his cap lower and finished his beer, then poured another from the pitcher on the bar. “Slept like shit last night.”

-

You’ve decided that it needs to end, so you asked Benny to meet him at your favorite bar. He agreed, and wanted to invite the boys, until you asked that it be just the two of you. It hurts that he has a glimmer of hope that you’re about to end things. If you don’t, he will.

You walk in with an apologetic smile, sitting across from him. “Hey, how was your day?” You ask in a soft voice. You’re unconsciously trying to prepare yourself to let him down gently.

He shrugs a little. “Uneventful. Yours?”

“The same. Listen, Benny…” you start and trail off, looking away.

He takes one of your hands and looks at you, his eyes understanding. “Hey. I think I know what this is about.” He reads the sadness in your eyes like a book. “We need to be done. I get that. I agree.”

Your face finds a soft smile as you look back at him. “Really?” You ask.

“Yeah. I have something to ask.”

“Shoot.”

He takes your hand and presses it to his lips softly. “Will you no longer be my girlfriend and just go back to being my friend?” He asks. 

You nod excitedly, laughing. “Oh my god, yes, Benny. I’d love to no longer be your girlfriend.”

The both of you laugh at the irony in your words, and he sets your hand down. “Thank God.”

Later that night, Will, Frankie, and Santiago find their way to the bar. Of course they do. They come over to your booth, sliding in and pretending to love up on Benny. “Oh, are we interrupting a date?” Santiago asks with a fake pout.

You chuckle and look at Benny. He gives you a small smile and a nod. “Actually, no. No more dates between Benny and I. We’re over,” you say and breathe a sigh of relief.

Frankie’s blood runs cold. He must be dreaming for him to hear this. It’s only ever in those dreams that he hears the words he wants the most fall from your lips, words like these. Words that indicate you’re no longer Benny’s girl. “You two seemed so happy,” he murmurs in confusion.

Benny senses it all clicking. Frankie has liked you all along. He’s smarter than the gang gives him credit for. He can read his friends easily, and Frankie is the easiest of all of them to understand, with those big brown eyes that give everything away. It’s gotta be, he thinks. You probably don’t like him back, as anything more than a friend, but Frankie is in deep shit now for you. He nods, looking at Fish and shrugging. “We just didn’t work. We’re still gonna be friends though. She’s one of us, isn’t she?”

The men all cheer in agreement and it calms your frantically beating heart. The worst is over now. And goddamn, does Frankie look cuddly tonight in that flannel, you think to yourself. You slouch down against him two beers later and discover that yes, he’s as comfortable as he looks.

-

You’ve been single for a year now. Benny still texts with you daily, as do the other men. He sends you shitty Facebook memes that seem more like a dad would post. You realize that it’s for the best that you and Benny are over, with a chuckle. You can be much more honest.

It pains you to realize it, but you’re crushing hard on your ex’s best friend. Frankie Morales is everything you need and want and desire. His big arms wrap you in a hug every time the two of you say goodbye, and every time it feels like it lasts a millisecond longer. That neither of you want to let go.

Frankie feels the same, even though you don’t know it. He has that haunting dream once a week, the one where you kiss his neck and call him baby and it makes him yearn every night at 2:00 in the morning, staring at your Instagram page and thinking he should text you and see if you’re up. Not as a hookup, not anything like that. He just wants to talk to you.

You tease Frankie about his chronic insomnia. How he sends you random texts late at night. “Have you considered melatonin?” You ask.

“I have weird dreams. It’s not the falling asleep, it’s the waking up,” he admits, looking in the opposite direction of your face. 

Some days, Frankie thinks you feel the same. He notices the way your eyes linger on his face, the way you always sit next to him in a booth. The way your phone’s lockscreen is a photo of the two of you being stupid at some function. You’ve become best friends, Frankie has to admit, but sometimes he thinks there could be more. But then you say something offhanded and he has to throw the notion away. 

One night at the bar, when it’s just the men and you’re nowhere to be seen, Frankie takes Benny and guides him into the bathroom. His blonde brow furrows in confusion as he looks at Frankie. “Yeah, Fish?”

His hands rub together nervously and he looks down, before fidgeting with his cap and looking Benny in the eye. “You and Queenie… that’s all in the past, right? There’s nothing between the two of you?”

A smirk finds his face. “I knew it, Frank! I knew it from the night her and I broke up.”

He frowns. “Is that why?” He asks hurriedly. “Oh shit, I didn’t break the two of you up, did I? Jesus, Ben, I’m-”

“No, you dumb fuck,” he laughs and shakes his head. “I just saw the way you looked at her after it happened. Crazy in love. You totally are.

Frankie’s face turns red and he takes off his hat to adjust his hair. “Do you think she might like me too?” he asks, quietly. As if you could hear him somehow.

Benny nods, excitement in those bright blue eyes. “Hell yeah she does, Fish! You’re her fucking phone lockscreen. Girls don’t just do that.”

“I don’t know, man, we’re best friends. That might not mean shit.”

The blonde puts his hands on the brunette’s shoulders. “Listen to me, Frankie. I’ve known you’re into her for like a year now. I know she likes you too. It’s time, you gotta ask her out.”

“Really?” He asks, brown eyes widening. “I don’t think so. That could fuck everything up,” he says, the anxiety in his voice.

“Trust me,” Benny nods. “It won’t.” 

Frankie’s grinning ear to ear. “Alright. Tomorrow night, I’ll ask her to meet us here, but it’ll be just me. I’ll ask her out, how does that sound?”

“That sounds fuckin’ amazing, man!” Benny exclaims. “I’m happy for you. She’s a great girl and you’re a great guy.”

“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” he asks, wringing his cap in his hands. 

He nods. “Go for it, Fish.”

- Frankie never gets the chance.

The next night you float into the bar, absolutely on cloud nine. You’re grinning ear to ear and it only widens when you see Frankie, rushing over and hopping on the stool. “Hey Fish,” you coo and kiss his cheek.

Frankie’s stunned. “Hey. How was your day?” He asks hesitantly, looking at how flustered and happy you look.

“So good,” you laugh. “I actually got asked out. Like, on a date. This really sweet guy, friend of a coworker. His name is Sam.”

Frankie’s sure you can hear the crack that echoes inside his ribcage. His heart splits in two and to hide a quivering lip, he raises his glass to his lips and takes a swig of his beer.

You continue to talk about him, noticing his silence. “How was yours?” You ask, frowning a little at how tense he is. You rest a hand on his upper arm.

Frankie does his best not to flinch from your touch. “Not great,” he chuckles and clears his throat. “I kinda fucked something up.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you pout and stroke his arm softly. “Can I help you with it? Do you need to talk about it?”

He shakes his head quickly, standing from his stool. “No, just a personal thing. Hey, I’m gonna run and piss, the other guys will be here soon. Order something, it’s on me.”

Frankie’s gone into the bathroom before you can even process it. You frown a little but the smile returns as you order the drink and think about Sam.

Frankie locks himself in a stall and texts the other men.

D-SQUAD 🚁

Frankie: mission aborted. You guys need to come to the bar now so I don’t look like a chump.

Benny: what happened?

Frankie: a guy asked her out today. she’s taken now I guess

He stares at his phone and sends one last text.

Frankie: and don’t you dare mention it to her. make her tell you first.

He slides his phone in his pocket and leans against the wall of the bathroom stall, letting out a deep sigh. This is all shit. He’s a coward, and he should’ve done something sooner. 

He finally returns and sits next to you on a barstool. There’s a smile on his face that you’d notice was plastered if your mind wasn’t so wrapped up in your day. “So. Tell me about him. I’m happy for you, you know that?”

-

@remmysbounty @mishasminion360 @softly-sad @blo0dangel @luxurybeskar @binarydanvvers  @sleep-tight1 @apascalrascal @randomness501 @spideysimpossiblegirl @notabotiswear @pedro-pastel​ @sanchosammy​

[writing-for-me-at-this-point]

iv. Relationships w/ MC | Obey Me | Actor AU

Request: Hello! I saw that your ask box is open, so I have come bearing a request. I found ur blog thru your OM actor au and I adore it to bits. Your interpretation of the characters was delightful and the gag/bloopers had me laughing so hard! May you please expand on the au by sharing your relationship headcanons of how the cast interacts or feels about MC (platonic/romantic)? I hope this finds you well 💖💖💖

Word Count: 3225 words

Page Count: 9.2 pages

A.N. Hope you guys enjoy this!

Tags: @weebartistinc​

[ M A S T E R L I S T ]

Lucifer / Benjamin

        The relationship between Benjamin [ Lucifer ] and MC would more like master and apprentice. Think of RDJ and Tom Holland. Ben is more lax than his show counterpart for sure. Where Lucifer would be prideful, Ben is humble, where Lucifer is smug, Ben can be self conscious. I'd like to think the MC of the "real world" thinks much more logically, doesn't throw themselves into things head first and is more calculating. Maybe something more like Satan? 

        Between the two of them, they are lax and playful, throwing inside jokes and playfully fighting. Ben [ Lucifer ] is like the "cool dad" that loves to mess around with his kids, which makes sense because he does have his own, they are fairly young and I can see MC babysitting in case it was needed. There's a deep trust between the two that can't really be described. Ben really wants MC to prosper in their career and will guide them- but he doesn't want to baby them either, he wants them to test the waters on their own. If they ever get overwhelmed he's there for them though.

        His dumbass is forgetful to check his sugar as well, so you can catch MC helping to remind him to check it/eat/drink if needed. He didn't have the most welcoming background- he didn't have the support system a child needs, so he strives to be that and forgets to care for himself often.

        "I want to give my kids everything I never had and more, just like how I want it for you too, MC."

Mammon / Avery 

        Avery [ Mammon ] is very business oriented and formal. MC and him would get along well, like their Obey Me counterparts, but just more lax and less chaotic. I see them as the type to go on coffee dates to catch up and get away from it all, seeing as how famous he is, he often likes to find smaller and less well known places to dwell. Enjoys the small and peaceful moments with MC and they can relate with being the most famous of the cast- so they often get treated the same.

        I can see them having a deep platonic and familial connection while also being distant. Avery has trouble opening up due to being frequently used for his money, and though he and MC are on the same playing field, he has his moments where he needs to back away and recuperate. And though he is distant, if MC or himself were to ever need anything, they're at each other's beck and call. Think of the relationship as: MC is the younger sibling that was born like... 10 years after Avery and he is the older brother, they are distant at times, but still love each other deeply and fiercely.

        "MC, what do you think of this new script- who is that on your page? They're liking too many pictures at once... a bit desperate- don't you think?"

Leviathan / Jackson

        This one... is a little complicated. Really- he's a fuck boy and he doesn't care. I can see him as very... objectifying- and not just sexually either. He can see how to use someone to their fullest advantage, but only for his sake, just for to further himself or satisfy any needs he has. MC is a playful flirt, but once Jackson [ Leviathan ] starts to pull the moves, I can see MC pulling back quickly and isolating away from him. Until there is a serious moment where Jackson can prove that he can provide something meaningful to the relationship- it's going to remain cold and formal. MC isn't playing games.

        This can be one of the few relationships that, if managed properly by MC and Jackson [ Leviathan ], can make their relationship to a more friends with benefits type or something romantic. Jackson [ Leviathan ] needs to learn how to stop seeing people as tools and more like... people. MC, in turn, would need to learn boundaries for themselves. They'd probably be so used to accepting people that keeping Jackson at a distance would be weird and almost foreign to them. If they both want things to work out for a proper, and healthy, relationship- it's going to be a lot of work.

        "MC, come here, I need you for something. Hm? No, no- nothing like that. I thought maybe... we could just hang out? Normally?"

Satan / Ross

        Honestly? MC could do better than Jackson [ Leviathan ] and Ross is it, babes. He is definitely the most understanding of MC and takes their own emotions into consideration. Wow kinda like Satan. He still does those live streams and gets smacked on a couple of grams, so MC is there either smoking as well or just getting hot boxed, their tiger dyed cats running everywhere. The live stream then turns into a kitten purring ASMR, then eventually, everyone is asleep on a live stream together. Ross [ Satan ], is a sweetheart as well, remembers the little things about MC and will make them special gifts or gestures for them. Is the type of boyfriend to leave random kisses on them just because.

        Ross [ Satan ], also likes to talk, so he does like to pick MC's mind and see how they think- which in turn touches their heart because WOW. A guy they like isn't using them or being a general ass? He doesn't play around, so if you want a relationship prepare to be in something for the long haul, family affairs are now your business as well. He is super close with his younger brother Dmitri [ Luke ], so you need his approval as well. Ross also can help with building confidence and a stronger self image, but a major downside is that he is lazy, like, he is really fucking lazy. He's tired though, with his job, the animal shelters, watching his brother, and avoiding... them- he wants to just be a homebody. MC does a lot of home dates, but they end up very fulfilling because it's Ross, he knows how make make even the smallest moments feel like everything.

        "Look at ya, MC! Damn, you always have me fallin' for ya all over again."

        "I'm in sweatpants and a tanktop, babe, nothin' special."

        "And you make 'em look fine as hell. Now come 'ere, let's watch a movie, look-! An MC sized space is here, right between my arms, neat right?"

Asmodeus / Micheal

        He's like the best friend who acts like the wine mom. He's the wine mom. He's mom. Always come to him for help, from either something as small as a rant to larger issues like contracts and relationship advice. This a more platonic/familial relationship that MC would develop. They can delve into more personal and private conversations, confident Micheal has the best intentions and advice, and in turn MC helps him out with what their generation is up to these days.

        Pinching MC's cheeks? Yeah, it's a ritual at this point. Likes to joke that MC is actually his illegitimate child. He also invites them to his vlogs, taking MC out at 2 am to Wendy's and talk about the most random stuff. Maybe hint at new things that are upcoming on the show. He writes TSL, not Alex [ Simeon ], so MC will help him with plot and point out any plot holes as well. 

        "MC, hon, take a nap. You're tired and haven't slept well. I got you food too- no, not Wendy's, actual food. Eat that and go sleep, alright?"

Beelzebub / James

        This can be another contender for a romantic relationship! James [ Beelzebub ] is one of the few actors who is pretty similar to their character, so if you love Beelzebub, you love James, sorry I don't make the rules. It's law. He is still new to the acting scene, so unless MC was an actor as a child as well, they'd bounce tips off one another- things they learn from whoever takes them under their wings. In MC's case, Benjamin [ Lucifer ] is their mentor, and in James' case, Alex [ Simeon ] is his mentor.

        He's very thoughtful, understanding, and compassionate. But, he is a bit of an airhead at times, or he often gets lost in his own head. This is due to him trying to think things through, he gets anxious and wants to perform well in every aspect of his life, so he tends to overthink and try to fix his problems in his head. MC will help him with opening up and stilling his mind into calmer waters. He feels the weight of his family, seeing as he now makes the most, he feels like he should be taking care of all of them- even when they tell him to just enjoy his life as it is. MC would realize he's a family man, so this would be another relationship where commitment is expected, James would rather not just have something casual due to how hectic things in his life get. He also is often with Dmitri [ Luke ], watching him and making sure he's okay, because if his younger siblings were in the same situation, he'd want someone to look out for them too. Dmitri is in love with both MC and James, often messing around or just relaxing with them of Ross [ Satan ] isn't around, so their often known as the "Realm Trio" due to their characters each being a different race.

        "I'm fine, really! I was just... thinking, that's all. I'm happy, really I am, and I want everyone else to be as well. That's it."

Belphegor / Conner 

        MC definitely becomes more chaotic with Conner, he's a sweetheart, but damn can he not sit the fuck down. He can be a bit draining for MC if they aren't in the best of moods, and even then, he just holds this light that makes them happy or feel peaceful. Another romantic/platonic relationship that can happen. This is a relationship where no matter how old they get, what is going on in life, how overwhelmed they feel, MC and Conner [ Belphegor ] will always manage to laugh.

        He is clumsy, especially with the tail, so MC will worry over him on and off set. He is very humble, and grateful for every opportunity he gets, so he faces each day with a smile and the classic southern hospitality- where you say thank you after everything, help anyone even if they aren't struggling, all with a southern drawl that makes MC melt. This is the healthiest relationship to exist, due to how easy Conner can communicate with MC and how MC can pick up on things he might not, there isn't any big issues because they both can just talk it out. Even if it doesn't end up romantic- it's still one of the most fulfilling relationships MC and Conner will have due to just being... them.

        "It's so easy, being with you, and I love that. Loving you is never painful, never tough on me, it's always so... light. So perfect, like you."

Barbatos / Thomas

        Oh my god. He is an absolute ass. He is like the uncle you never wanted, always sarcastic, roasting someone, but in the end he means no harm. MC and him definitely have a darker sense of humor together, getting either morbid or just downright weird, and no one else can decipher that the fuck they're saying because there's too many inside jokes and little intricacies. In the end, he is a ride or die, may not be the best to work with- but MC is now family and Thomas [ Barbatos ] will now kill for them. Congratulations on the achievement!

        Will not allow MC to go to openings or any large events alone, and even if they have another cast member with them, he still keeps an eye on them. He gets anxious, and almost paranoid, his younger sister went missing years ago and never got closure. He see's MC not as his missing sister, but as someone who is in need of that older brother figure, and wants to take that role because it feels so natural. He still ends up as that cool asshole uncle, but he likes that too, as long as MC is with him. There are times where MC will need to help him through some issues, just by being a shoulder to lean on, and in turn they get closer. Thomas didn't expect to get close with many people on the cast, other than his old friends, and taking MC into his family was a surprised for all.

        "Come here, ya annoying ass little kid, give me a hug! What! Come here or I'll chase you around his big ass house, MC!"

Diavolo / Roman 

        MC can be the romantic partner for Roman if you'd like, but I just remembered that I made him have triplets, so unless MC is his partner and willing to have kids, Roman would end up as another Uncle/Father figure. If you go the romantic route, Roman is so deeply in love with MC he will sometimes feel empty of he doesn't tell them he loves them everyday. He is attentive, watchful, and optimistic, always bringing fun into the relationship and making MC feel fulfilled and overflowing with love. But, now with the triplets? Love bomb x10, he loves MC with all his soul, he does, but now he realizes the kids come first and appreciates that they do the same. Prefers to be more private though, won't post whatever he does with the kids or anything like that, he doesn't want spotlights on his children when they never asked for it.

        A more platonic/familial relationship though? Best. Man. Ever. Always taking MC out to eat and keeping up with their needs, doesn't baby them, just keeps a watchful and caring eye. Does this with all the younger cast as well. MC will feel loved, safe, and in harmony. He is a wine dad though, so MC will often bring him drinks so he can unwind, even make cocktails time to time just for practice and will make sure to give any tips he can. MC gets a little too tipsy at a party? Well, since he knows where the party is, shoot him a call and he'll pick his 6'5 ass up outta bed to bring MC either to their home or his. 

        "I've got you, always have, always will. I won't ever let you down, because you deserve the world and all the happiness in it, I just hope I can even be a little piece of it. A reason to make you happy."

Luke / Dmitri

        MC is close with Dmitri no matter what, he's always on set, and MC can't seem to let him leave their sight. Kinda like a parent at the park. Won't exactly just stare at their kid, but will always know where they are, and make sure their within a safe distance. Hollywood is full of some sick fucks and MC will be damned if they'd let anything happen to Dmitri. He gets overwhelmed sometimes, will cry and shake, due to holding in stress from the public. MC will teach him how to cook, rather than bake, because food always brings people together and he wants his family to be together in any way he can do it. 

        Spending time with him means spending time with Ross [ Satan ], so MC ends up close with Ross anyway, and will often be filling up Dmitri's Instagram and other social medias. He is the younger brother MC never had and is ready to be another older sibling for him. If the show goes on for multiple seasons, then it will be set in stone, MC and Luke will be a found family along with the rest of the cast.

        "Thank you for everything, MC. I love you, really, and I want you to be as happy as you can be! You're the best and more!"

Simeon / Alex

        Alex [ Simeon ] is another potential love interest/ close friend. This is the only other relationship that can compete with Ross [ Satan ] and Roman [ Diavolo ]. He is known for his temper, but usually plays it up for comedy, and will never actually "blow up" on anyone that isn't deserving of it. He is a sweetheart, but has a tendency to be materialistic, due to his rich upbringing. He knows material things aren't the answer, but it's a habit/mentality he's working on fixing. He prefers to be more affectionate in private, because he wants to enjoy intimacy with MC without the eyes of the public on them, not because he would want to hide their relationship. 

        He is intelligent as fuck, so MC will be filled with the knowledge of the gods, always learning something new and living a student life that isn't more of a student- but someone that has a love for learning. You know Leonardo in Ikevamp? Yeah- that bitch. That's Alex. Even as a friend MC and Alex would always confuse people due to how close they are, which can be annoying if they are with another cast member, but in the end they know the truth.

        "Ah fuck, MC, I'm trying to cook here, ya dork! Don't yank me around the kitchen! Hey! Loving me isn't an excuse to squeeze the life outta me! MC! Don't run now!"

Solomon / Derek

        So, I honestly had Derek [ Solomon ] as the original love interest, going with the childhood friend trope. MC and Derek would be the ultimate set of goals, and living a fantasy life that most people dream of, the thing you'd see if those overly fluffy fan-fictions. Derek is the more caring and nurturing of the two, while MC is more outgoing and aggressive, and manage to find a happy medium between them. Derek has a calming aura around him and yet is the most socially awkward one in the cast- he will put Leviathan's character to shame with some of the things happened in the past. MC is the biggest tease and will have him flushing like a virgin school boy- and it isn't even sexual, he just flusters easily.

        With Lovely and Blue, MC and Derek are known as the babysitters and pet sitters, and are often looking out for the casts pets and children whenever they need it. The couple everyone wants to end up like. You will never see them in scandals, drama, or anything of the sort- even if they become household names, Derek and MC prefer to keep the details of their lives lowkey. I can't see major issues in this relationship, romantic or platonic, because after knowing each other so long, they can communicate in their own ways.

        "Blue, stay stiiiiiiiiill. Fine, leave. MC, come here, I need a pillow and Blue won't love me. Thank you- oh! Now you come, Blue? Jealous much?"

[generallybarzy]

smile like sunshine iv

Tuesday: ~ 7.9k I’M SO SORRY

previous chapters: i // ii // iii

an: I HAD WRITERS BLOCK BUT THEN IT ALL HIT ME AT ONCE. I thought it was gonna be a short filler chapter but.... 7.9k words later here we are... I realized that I probably should’ve given mc a real name and stuff because it’s so specific about certain details, but it’s too late to change that, so we’ll all have to deal with it unfortunately. Also, from here on out there is a warning for nsfw thoughts! Anyway, enjoy! @thirteenisles!!

summary: Much, much different from yesterday, today is the yearly fishing trip, so you and Mat are- unfortunately- apart for a good part of the day. Mat and your father come to a silent agreement and you look for a distraction in an old flame to keep you from falling more in love with your friend. Mat doesn’t like sharing this place in your mind with anyone else...

It’s the summer of ‘19, eleven years after you first met Mat, and things are bound to be a little different this time around. 

You woke up the next day with a smile on your face, giddy and excited before you even opened your eyes. You had fallen asleep happy and tired and full of warmth the night before, cuddled up against Mat’s side as he drove back to the beach house. He only woke you with soft whispers when it was time to undress for bed; you woke up in his arms realizing he had carried you all the way from the car to your room. So, your mind raced with images of Mat- his smile, his laughter, his eyes, his body- it was all overwhelming enough to stir up passionate dreams about him. Dreams about his skin against yours, weightless in the water, his big hands on you, his body hovering over top of yours, his dark hair falling into his eyes as he moved on top of you... 

Rolling over in bed and trying to control yourself, you opened your phone and went into your gallery, into the folder of all your pictures of Mat from yesterday that you would continue to fill throughout the week. 

And though you’d only been apart from him for the eight hours of sleep, you needed to see him in person.

Mat was in the room across the hall, drifting in and out of sleep with a smile on his face as he thought back to yesterday. He reached over to the bedside table so he could scroll through his own phone. You had asked him yesterday to take a picture of you for your Instagram, posing for him and smiling with the ocean in the background, and he couldn’t look away from them. You looked so good yesterday in that little bikini, all spread out on the paddleboard and soaking up the sunlight, and, as much as he wanted to keep his head out of the gutters around you, there was just something about you. If only you knew the effect you had on him.

“Kids, get up! We’ve got a lot planned for today!” 

He jumped, hearing your mother’s voice in the hall outside your rooms, and sat up a little bit more in bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He had to admit, this trip would be a little bit more fun if your family wasn’t here as well; if every day could be like yesterday. But hoping to be alone with you for every second of the day was a fantasy, and he knew it. He was still technically intruding on your family vacation.

There was a knock at his door, and for a horrible moment, he thought it was one of your parents before your voice sounded from the other side. “Mat? It’s me.” 

“Yeah, come in.” If only he was ready for what he was about to see. Yeah, he saw you in a bikini yesterday, but this was just as good… You walked into his room in a little tank top and booty shorts, what you had slept in, your messy hair thrown up in a bun. He didn’t want to stare too much, but were you braless? Yeah, you definitely were. He shuffled around under the sheets, making sure you wouldn’t be able to see what you were doing to him. He was lucky you knocked first, or who knows what he could’ve been doing?

Seeing Mat lying in bed was… a sight. His dark hair was haloing around his head on the pillow, he was tangled in the white sheets, and half of his upper chest and arms were exposed and already looking beautifully tanned. “You’ll never guess what today is.”

Mat ran a hand through his hair and let out a puff of air. “Your birthday’s tomorrow, so I have no idea.” 

“It’s the family fishing trip! Remember that?”

Oh, he remembers it. He remembers going out onto the water in a rented boat with his dad and yours, watching in amazement at the huge fish they caught in the ocean. He remembers playing with you on the little dock, daring you to jump from it and into the ocean. Of course, your parents always stopped you from doing that. “No way, you still do that?” 

“Yup, it’s tradition.”

“The same place every year?” 

“Same place.” 

“Maybe this year you won’t be too afraid to jump off the dock.” He smirked, and it was a sight that flooded heat all the way through your body.

“Shut up, Mat! I wasn’t afraid to, my parents just never let me!” He laughed at that, sitting up and letting the sheets fall off his bare chest. “And you know that, too! You just love to get on my nerves.” Oh, that was only one of many things he’d love to do to you.  

“Maybe. But you brought me on this trip anyway.”  

“Don’t make me regret that, Maty.” You swatted his bare leg away from you as he stretched out in bed, and he couldn’t help but smile at the touch. “Get up, we gotta get ready for today. I’ve got a feeling it’s gonna be pretty fun.” And when you turned and left, Mat had to bite his lip to hold back any reaction to the way your legs looked in those shorts. He tossed his head back to his pillow and stared up at the ceiling.

Yeah, today was gonna be fun.

Back when you and Mat first met, your parents and his immediately got along. He had begged and begged his parents to talk to yours and let him go along on the family fishing trip, mostly because you had cried to him and told him you didn’t want to be alone. Of course, they had to go meet your parents first and come along, but when they finally agreed that Mat could come along, you were over the moon. 

 Since you reconnected almost a year ago, Mat had told his parents about you. He called them the day after you approached him in the bar, when he went out to lunch with you to talk, the moment he knew he was going to try and befriend you again. He was excited when he called them, asking in a frenzy if they still remembered that girl he hung out with the summer of 2008. Of course, they remembered her, they had told him, she was the first crush he ever had. "Oh, your first girlfriend!" his mom had exclaimed. "Mom!" Flustered, Mat shook off those words. No, you were nothing more than friends. 

That’s what he had thought, anyway, up until a few months ago. 

Now, after being alone with you yesterday, he knew: this was much more than friendship.

The place your dad went to go fishing every year was a cute empty spot of beach, with deep water and a small dock where you and your siblings and friends always used to play. Where you used to play with Mat, that summer, when he dared you to jump in but you were too scared. Where you continued to come back to years after until Mat was just a fading memory and your parents urged you to meet new friends. And where, years later, you had your first kiss, with some random boy you met three days before and who you thought was cute.  

“This is where it all began.” You spread your arms wide in a flourish, presenting the dock to Mat when you arrived. He glanced around- yes, this was where it all began. 

“It definitely looks a lot smaller than when we were kids.” 

“Yeah, probably because we grew up.” 

“Aww, if we grew up does that mean I can’t push you in anymore?” 

“Don’t even think about it, Barzal.” Before Mat had the chance to even try to push you in, you were cut off by the sound of an approaching boat out on the water. “Bet, Mat. Wanna push me into the water in front of my dad? I dare you.” He smiled and held up his hands in surrender. Usually, your dad took your brother along with him, but this year it seemed he had other plans. 

“You like to fish, Mathew?”

“Uh,” he glanced at you for help, obviously not yet sure how to talk to your dad. 

“Yeah, he’s pretty good at fishing.”

“Great! Hop on. We’ll have some one-on-one time.”

“Okay, cool.” The moment he turned away, Mat whispered to you: “He’s going to throw me off the boat.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Mat. He doesn’t hate you. You’ll probably just talk about fish or sports.” 

“But don’t you want me here with you?”

“I’ll be fine alone for a bit.”

Mat couldn’t lie- he wasn’t the happiest at how this day was gonna pan out. He wanted one-on-one time with you, not your dad. They had already had that talk at the motel when he ever so kindly told him not to make a move on his daughter, so he wasn’t sure what else could happen. But if this is what he had to go through to get on your dad’s good side, he was gonna try his hardest. So here he sat, kinda awkwardly, next to him, a fishing rod in his hands. 

“So, Mathew, You were gone with (Y/N) yesterday...”

“Uhh, yeah.” 

“What’d the two of you do?” 

He was at a loss for words. What could he say?  “Oh, just uhh, took a drive down to another beach, had lunch.”

“Hmm. But you didn’t try anything?” 

“No, no nothing!”

“I hope not. Otherwise, we’d really have a problem.” Mat couldn’t find a way to respond to that. As much as he wanted to make a move, he knew here wasn’t the ideal place to do it. No, he’d wait until he wasn’t sharing a roof with your father. “Mathew, I still remember what you said at the motel.” Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Of course, he did. “But you understand where I’m coming from, don’t you?” 

“I- I‘m not sure.”

“You seem like an… okay, guy. A good friend to her. But I’ve seen plenty of guys who seemed okay and ended up breaking her heart. I won’t let that happen again.” Mat wanted to tell him that it wasn’t up to him to decide who his daughter could date, but he knew that that might be the dumbest possible thing to say, so he held his tongue. “I know what young, professional athletes are like. While I respect the sport, you’re not the type of guy I want my daughter with.” He didn’t like the idea that you’d had your heart broken before. He never wanted to do that to you, and your father just had a way of making him doubt himself. 

“I understand.” Mat’s eyes drifted to where you stood down on the sand, barely able to make out your form from this distance, as he wondered what you were doing. 

You were collecting shells, walking side by side with your sister, and catching up with a little bit of girl talk. 

“Sooo, this Mat guy?” 

“Yeah?” You couldn’t help the smile that was pulling onto your face at just the sound of his name. “What about him?”

“Well, he’s an NHL player, first of all.” 

“He’s a lot more than that.” And he was. It may sound strange to others, but he meant everything to you. Ever since that summer where he had been your refuge, he’d been the one you thought about to calm down. He’d been your happy memory. He’d been the dream you could only hope you never forgot. And he became so much more in the past few months. It was a little weird at first when your roommate teased you about your “summer romance” with this boy you didn’t even know, but suddenly you didn’t want to deny it. Maybe this time around, you would come back with an even better story than before. 

“Yeah. He’s also pretty hot.”

“Trust me, I know.” You weren’t shallow, but yeah, the cherry on top was how attractive he just happened to be.

“What are you two? Friends? Maybe moooore?”

“No, no, no, just friends.” Your answer was quick- almost too quick- as if you were trying to cover something up. A silence fell between you and you realized just how in denial you sounded. “But he just means a lot to me, ya know? You heard the story about how we met, right? Mom’s obsessed with telling it.”

“Yeah, of course. If you ask me, kinda sounds like looooove.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Seriously, if this were a movie, I’d watch the shit out of it. Imagine the ratings a plot like that would get! It’s like a teen summer romance but... wholesome and cute! I’m sure everyone has a childhood friend they became separated from. Imagine reading this summary: A boy and girl meet and become best friends only to be separated after one summer of romance-” 

“Ew, don’t say romance! We were like, ten.”

“-After a summer of almost-romance where they were obviously in love even if their little brains couldn’t comprehend it. They reconnect years later, only to realize what they felt all those years ago was much more than friendship.” 

You laughed, but couldn’t help imagining how that story would end. What was your sister, a psychic? “Okay, that’s not quite how it goes, but can we just… stop talking about him? It’s weird.” For the last few months, there had been a weird feeling in your chest whenever you discussed your relationship with Mat. Okay, maybe- just maybe- you had a little crush. A tiny crush. Nothing that meant anything, nothing that wouldn’t be easy to get over. It sucked to have a crush on one of your best friends, to have a crush on the boy you brought along on this trip to use as a distraction from everything else. 

You glanced out to where you could barely see Mat’s figure on the boat with your father. His features were indistinguishable, but you could see the outline of his body and the dark swoop of hair on his head standing out against the blue sky. It wasn’t like Mat was interested in you at all, he was an NHL player, a star at that. He probably had countless girl’s numbers lined up in his contacts that he could date at any given moment, there’s no way he’d settle for a childhood friend he’d only known for a year. Just because he came on this trip with you and promised to be your distraction, didn’t mean he liked you like that. No, if anything, he was here for nostalgia- for looking back on that summer when you were carefree children- not because he had any type of romantic feelings for you. Not because he loved you. Yet, despite this, you couldn’t seem to control yourself around him.

You desperately needed a distraction from Mat, or else you’d end up doing something you couldn’t come back from. 

You dropped your gaze to the sand to look for any pretty, unbroken shells hiding among the piles beneath your feet. The tide had come in high earlier this morning, leaving behind a mess of little shards of broken shells and rocks. Maybe, if you were lucky, you’d find one that was whole. 

“Ooh, look at this one!” Your sister held up a pretty shell, still in one piece, colored all the shades of a sunset. 

“Oh, man that’s pretty! I wish I could’ve found one that nice.”

“Don’t look too hard. It was right in front of you the whole time.”

You walked silently, pondering over her words, and searching for something better when a third voice spoke up from a little distance in front of you.  

“No way, (Y/N)?”

It was a voice you’d never thought you’d hear again, but when you looked up towards it, you realized this trip might just get a lot more interesting. Your sister nudged you and made her exit, knowing exactly who this was and wanting to give you alone time with him. 

Maybe this was exactly what you needed to take your mind off of Mat.

Back in 2008, when you were only ten years old, you thought the world of Mat. You thought he was the coolest person you knew, at the beach or at home. He was your closest friend, but for some reason, neither of your young brains realized that you should get each other’s parent’s phone numbers or addresses so you could keep in touch. You left the beach that year with nothing on your mind but Mat, and your parent’s loved to tease you to this day that he was the only person you talked about for months. When next summer rolled around, you were pouty and angry that he was nowhere to be found. And that continued for years to come. 

Slowly, over the years you went on family vacations in that same house, you began, with your parent’s urging, to try and push your memories of Mat to the back of your mind and make new friends with the local kids your age. And slowly, you began to forget about Mat. Or, that’s how you thought it would happen. Sure, there were times you went without thinking of him for a while, but something would always end up reminding you of him. But you pushed it aside. He’s long gone, you’d told yourself, no point in dwelling on the past. None of your new friends could compare to the fun Mat had been, but they were great friends, and now you were young teenagers having fun, getting into trouble together, and experiencing all your firsts together.

This guy- Kyle- was one of those firsts. 

The summer you turned seventeen, there was a new guy among your beachy friend-group. He was your age, and he could already drive, and that made his curly, blonde, surfer boy look even more attractive to all the girls who knew him. As much as you hated to admit today, you weren’t an exception. Yeah, you thought he was cute. No, there wasn’t much about him beyond that, as shallow as it was, but at least he had seemed to care about you that night when he walked you away from the other teens, partying and drinking and walked you out to the dock and kissed you under the stars. He had said all the right things that night, and a few nights later, and later, and later.

You went that whole summer thinking that the two of you were together, but apparently, you’d missed the memo that he was seeing other girls, too. He’d promised he didn’t mean to hurt you but learning that it wasn’t the two of you, learning that he was with other girls too and the whole summer had been a lie made your self-esteem plummet. It hurt like hell, being your first heartbreak, and it was the worst possible way to end a beach trip tradition. 

But he wasn’t a bad guy, not really. He was a young, stupid, teenage boy, right? And he said he didn’t mean to hurt you. No reason to hate him. 

Now, almost exactly four years since you met him, he walked next to you down the beach as you combed for shells, a quietness settling over you. It wasn't a comfortable silence like with Mat, but something uneasy, something tense and awkward. Why was he here? Was it appropriate to just… walk up to your ex and start chatting like old friends? Maybe he was just trying to be civil, courteous- if that’s what this was, you… hesitantly respected that. It probably took as much courage as when you approached Mat for the first time- both times. But, if he was looking for something more…

“So, you been dating at all?”

“Sure I have. I mean, it’s been...almost four years?” Truthfully, you’ve barely been dating. Nothing serious, at least. But you knew it would sound so sad if he was the last “serious” relationship you had. 

“You disappeared after what happened between us. For four years. I thought maybe you couldn’t face me afterward or something.”

“No.” You bit your tongue, not really wanting to bring up old bad blood or reopen old scars. “Life just got in the way. After that year I had a job, then I was moving out, going to college. Just didn’t have time to come down anymore.”

“That sucks. We’ve all really missed you down here.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” He smiled, dropping an arm around your shoulder. You knew he didn’t mean it in a romantic way, it was such a thing he would do, and it wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before. “We’re actually having a party on Friday. Think you can make it?” Could you make it? It was going to be the night before you had to leave, your last night on the beach, and as much as you wanted to do something alone with Mat, you knew it was inappropriate to cling on him as if he was something more than a friend. As if he was yours. But you needed to take a step back before you did something you couldn’t take back. 

Maybe this was the perfect distraction from Mat.

“I’ll be there.”

After their first discussion, Mat had fallen in and out of uncomfortable small talk with your father for what felt like hours. And now, as they got ready to head back to shore for a quick lunch, he could confirm that he was one hundred percent still not on his good side.  It seemed like no matter what he tried, your father didn’t want anything to do with him. Maybe it was best this way, indifference is better than hate, isn’t it?

“Shit...” 

“Huh?” Mat looked up when your father swore next to him. He was glaring up the shoreline as they approached the dock, out to where you were. And then he noticed, with a jolt to his heart, that you weren’t alone out there. Standing next to you in the sand was a generic-looking douchebag surfer dude. He was standing way, way too close to you for his comfort, with an arm thrown over your shoulders like you were old buddies. “Who’s that?” 

“It’s not really any of your business, is it?” He glanced over and, for a moment, Mat regretted asking anything, not wanting to stir up any drama. “But... seeing as you’re here as her friend, maybe you can talk some sense into her.” 

“About what?”

“It’s not my place to tell you about her private stuff but… that boy. Trouble.” He shook his head, preparing to dock the boat. “Mathew, I don’t dislike you. You mean a lot to (Y/N) as a friend, and I don’t want you to ruin that. If things didn’t work out between you two, she would be devastated. I’ve seen her heartbroken, but if it was because of you, it’d be so much worse. She could barely function without you after that summer, so if things ended completely between you two...”

Mat couldn’t help but smile when your father said he didn’t dislike him. That was a start, at least. But the thought of you having your heart broken was something he didn’t want to think about. The thought you being heartbroken because of him was something he didn’t want to think about. “I know.” And he did. He understood because he would feel the same way. If things went awkward and sour between the two of you, he would hate himself. He would be lost. Reconnecting after ten years and then losing you all together would hurt even more than if he’d never found you- if you were still only a fond memory he thought back to. If he lost you, he wouldn’t even know what to do. He needed you.

“But, that being said, you’re better than any other guy she’s cared about. Especially that boy. I respect that.” He stepped onto the dock and cast one look back at him. “Look out for her this week. As a friend.” 

“I will.” 

“Starting now.” He motioned down the beach where you stood with the boy, his arm around you, pulling you much too close to his body. 

It felt good to know that at least your father didn’t hate him. He respected him, even. It felt good to know that both men had the same ideas when it came to your safety and were able to come to a silent agreement. And if all they could bond over was their need to protect you, he could take that. Because you were all that mattered to him. 

He all but jogged down the beach to you, his heart throbbing at the sight of you smiling and laughing with someone other than him. His blood boiled. He hated that you were so familiar and comfortable with this guy, but he took comfort in the fact that your dad felt the same way, that at least they were on the same page about that. What could he be saying that was making you this happy? Who could he be who was stealing your attention away from him? That should be him, with his arm around you, making your eyes sparkle in laughter. What was this tightening feeling in his chest? 

Why was Mat so jealous of him?

“Who’s this?”

You looked up from where you were practically hanging on the blonde boy’s arm and met eyes with Mat. Your Mat, your best friend. The man you were trying to forget about. And you had forgotten about him for a few minutes, falling back into the memory of your summer romance at seventeen instead of thinking of Mat, with his pretty dark swoops of hair and high cheekbones, those shimmering hazel eyes and that dazzling smile… and the fact that he was shirtless and shining all pretty and golden in the sunlight. The way he made you laugh until there were tears in your eyes and your sides ached, the way he made your heart pound erratically when he hugged you and when he threw his arm over your shoulders.

And suddenly you realized your ex couldn’t compare to Mat at all, no matter how much you needed a distraction. 

“Mat, this is Kyle. Kyle, this is my friend, Mat.”

“Hey.” The other guy spoke up, and somehow, he sounded exactly like Mat expected him to sound. Like a fucking douchebag.

“Hey.” Mat couldn’t hide how unenthusiastic he was when he greeted the man, and you noticed. It was awkward, you were sandwiched between two shirtless men, one your ex- who you were trying to use as a distraction- and one your best friend- who you were hopelessly crushing on and needed a distraction from- and all three of you waited and waited until Mat finally spoke up. “So, how do you know each other?”

“We, uhh, we dated when we were younger.” 

“Oh?” Mat wasn’t a fan of the way his heart ached when those words left your lips. Of course, you had other boyfriends, you were stunning, borderline perfect. Everyone must want you. You’re not mine, you’re not mine, I know. “You did?”

“Yeah, actually…” Kyle tossed his curly hair out of his face and had Mat rolling his eyes. “We met down here a few years ago. And that dock over there?” He gestured vaguely in the direction of the dock, pulling you against him. “First kiss.” Mat’s muscles tensed, his jaw went tight and his fists closed- he hated the idea that this dock was anyone else’s special place with you. Okay, maybe it was a bit selfish, but he thought this was just a little secret between the two of you, and then this guy had to show up and ruin it? “Best first kiss a girl could get, huh?” He looked at you with a cheeky, smirk...

...But it wasn’t as cute as Mat’s.

“Yeah, it was good.” 

Mat knew it was stupid and unrealistic of him to think he’d always had you all to himself. You’d only known each other for that one summer, and had been separated for ten years, so of course, you eventually found someone other than him. But he couldn’t deny how much it pained his heart to know that somebody else had been closer to you than he had. To know that someone else had taken his place. To know that you weren’t even his to begin with. This guy had held you, kissed you, taken Mat off of your mind, and Mat hated how it felt to know that. “Cool, cool. Well, I think it’s time to head back for lunch, (y/n).”

“Ah, shit, really?” he pulled you tight against him in a quick side hug and kissed the top of your head. Part of you wished, for a moment, that he was Mat instead. “See ya. Remember, Friday!”

“Yep, Friday!” 

Mat couldn’t help but roll his eyes again, watching him leave. He came on this trip with you and you were ditching him for your ex? Shit, it was so tough being just your friend. “What’s Friday?” His voice came out more strained and forced than he wanted it to.

“A party with my old friends.”

“You’re going?”

“Yeah, they’re my friends, so why not?” Mat couldn’t help but feel a little bit betrayed, but he knew this was your vacation, and you were kind enough to invite him along, so he couldn’t tell you what you could and couldn’t do. Just friends, just friends, just friends, he told himself. 

“Well, I still get you to myself tomorrow, right? For your birthday?” 

“Of course you do. Why, are you planning something?”

“Duh, what else is a best friend for?” He pulled you against him to walk down the beach and you smiled at the familiar scent of him, the familiar warmth of his body. Being in his arms was so much better than being in Kyle’s arms. He shrugged, sucking up his pride to tease you about your ex-boyfriend. “Sooo... you and surfer dude, huh? Didn’t know you were into that type.” He laughed again, nudging you with his elbow and smirking. 

His smirk was a lot cuter than your ex’s. 

“Shut up!” You laughed at the teasing lilt in his voice. There was your Mat, happy and smiling. His heart lit up again. Yeah, he could make you laugh so much better than anyone else could. He would always take pride in that. “I know, I know, it’s embarrassing, but listen! We were only seventeen, he could drive already…”

“Ooh, sexy.”

“Mat!” 

“I’m serious, the ability to drive is pretty hot, right?”

You laughed, “Mat! I get it, I get it, it was a dumb summer fling, okay? There actually isn’t much more to him personality-wise. He’s not better than you.” 

“Of course he’s not.” As cocky as Mat played it off, he was really thankful. Thankful you still preferred him over your ex-boyfriend. Thankful he still held a special place in your head, in your heart, even, that no one else ever would. “I mean, have you seen me?”

“I have.” Your eyes skimmed the length of his body. You’d seen him, alright. “You wanna hit the waves before lunch?” You traced your fingers down his arm and grabbed his big hand in yours.

“How could I say no?”

So, with his hand in yours, you ran to the water, shedding the sheer cover-up you’d been wearing over your swimsuit and shrieking when the waves splashed up against you. As usual, Mat dared you to follow him out further than you would’ve like to have gone. The gleam in his eyes was something you weren’t unfamiliar with, the same gleam he got when he was beating you at a game or when you dared him to do something. He wasn’t one to back down until he won, and that was rubbing off on you. His confidence was rubbing off on you. Something about him made you feel so brave. 

“I’m guessing you’re not gonna tell me what we’re doing tomorrow?

“Of course not. It’s a surprise. What type of friend would I be if I gave away the surprise?” He dodged the water you splashed towards him and half hopped, half swam backward in the water. You had wadded out to an area that was deep enough for neither of you to be able to stand very well, and as much as you hated being out here, you felt safe as long as Mat was next to you. He splashed you back in retaliation only to be immediately hit from behind by a wave, laughing the whole time he went down at the shriek you let out when he got your hair wet. 

You laughed as he went under. “That’s what you get, Barzal!” After a few seconds without seeing him resurface, you started to worry, your breath caught in your throat. Should he have been up by now? Did he get the breath knocked out of him and couldn’t come up? Did he get pulled out further? “Mat? Mat, hey, where’d you go, buddy?” Your breath was shallow, your mind fuzzy, and your heartbeat quickened as you took a few strides forward, turning and glancing over the rippling surface of the water, trying to find any sign of him, any movement, any trace of his dark hair, but there was nothing. 

Not until a pair of arms underwater grabbed your waist from behind and lifted you. 

“Gotcha.”

He was still laughing, still teasing you, thinking he had just played a funny trick on you and you hadn’t been in the middle of freaking out and panicking that your best friend had probably drowned. 

“Shit, Mat. Oh my god.” You turned in his arms and pulled yourself against him, cheeks warming up at the feeling of his wet, bare skin against yours, his muscles taut, and his skin slick beneath your fingertips. He’s okay, he’s safe, he’s alive. You brought your hands up around his shoulders, pushing black strands of wet hair out of his eyes as he continued to laugh. You smacked his shoulder, suddenly angry that he would even joke about drowning. You couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. “You’re a dick! That wasn’t funny!”

Mat must have noticed the way your nails were digging into the flesh of his biceps, holding him for dear life with an urgent look in your eyes because he stopped laughing almost immediately when he noticed your concern. “Hey, hey.” His voice dropped to the gentle, reassuring tone that always made you emotional. The voice he broke out when you got hurt and he was there as a friend to pick up the pieces. The same voice he’d used all those years ago when you started crying over a crab he had thrown at you. “Look, I’m fine.”

“But I didn’t know that two seconds ago!”

“I’m sorry. I was just messing around. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I know. I’m just glad you’re alive.” You took deep breaths, your head dropping to rest on his wet shoulder, your face pressed against the crook of his neck. It took you a few moments to understand how intimate this was: you were wrapped up together under the water, still in his arms with your feet listed off the sandy floor, pressed chest to chest with your arms wrapped over his shoulders. What you had intended to be a friendly hug became so much more when you were wet and weightless and almost bare, pressed against each other. You sighed and pulled back from him, dropping down to your feet but keeping your hands on his shoulders so stay still. He was your anchor out here. “You know, you don’t have to go pretending to drown just because you’re jealous of my ex and want my attention back.”

“What?” he scoffed, trying to play it off cool. Okay, maybe it was true that he was looking for a little bit of your attention, but he’d never admit that. Friends don’t get jealous of their friend’s ex-boyfriends. “I’m not jealous.” 

“Really? You didn’t seem like your friendly self when you were talking to him. And your eyes look pretty green right now, so I’d say that’s probably because of the green monster.” You teased, poking at his face.

“He’s your ex, do you want me to treat him like a friend?”

“Well, he was also my friend, so you don’t need to be so hostile towards him. But I get it. It’s okay to be jealous. I get jealous of your friends, sometimes.”

“You do? Why?”

“They’ve gotten to spend more time with you than I did. They probably mean a lot more. You have friends you’ve known for years, and I’m not one of them. We only knew each other that summer and then this past year. I wish we would’ve been friends longer.” 

“You don’t have to be jealous of them, though. I actually feel like we’ve known each other since then. I thought back to you a lot, wondering what you were up to...”

“Probably thinking of you.” You smiled, your heart swelling at the thought that between growing up and getting into the NHL, Mat still thought of you every now and then. “I feel so lucky to have found you” You closed your mouth, letting your words settle in the air between the two of you. “You don’t have to be jealous either. Kyle wasn’t that great. Not cooler than our time together.”

“No?” He added a chuckle to try and lighten the mood. “I thought he was the cool kid who could drive?”

“No.” You dropped your gaze to the ocean, turning away from Mat. “We may have had a little… romance thing, but he cheated on me.” Mat’s eyes went soft, his eyebrows furrowing up at the idea of you having your heart broken like that. He knew much too well what it felt like to be lied to and cheated on, so to imagine you suffering through that without him there to help pick up the pieces for you was too much. “Well, no,” You shook your head. “I guess he didn’t really cheat. Only kinda. It was just a summer fling to him, but I thought it was something more. I was just dumb and naive I guess.”

“Hey,” His hands lifted to your shoulders momentarily, turning you to look up at him. “That’s really shitty anyway. He hurt you.” 

“Yeah. He did. And you'd never hurt me.” Your fingers, much without your permission, glided down the lengths of his wet arms to cover his hands with yours. “See? You don’t need to be jealous. You’re so much cooler. You mean more to me than he ever did. Nothing- no one- can ever top that summer. No one can ever top how much you mean to me. You're my friend.” 

You both sat in uncomfortable silence, mutually hating that sentence. There was no way you were just friends. This wasn’t platonic at all.  Friends didn’t cuddle each other in motel rooms; friends didn’t hold each other underwater; friends didn’t daydream about making out with each other; friends didn’t get jealous of their friend’s exes; friends didn’t have hot, wet dreams about each other almost every night; friends didn’t nearly kiss every single day. So were you really just friends?

"Yeah." As much as Mat hated being "the friend", he was going to try his hardest to live up to that if that's what you wanted from him. And even if that’s all he’d ever be, he would learn to accept it. It was better than not having you at all. "I might even be your best friend ever, right?" 

"We'll see about that. You've got a lot of competition." He laughed with you. Oh, if only you know how much he didn't want to be your friend. If only he knew how much you wanted him to kiss you. 

 “Well, was that enough serious talk for today?”

“Yeah,” You huffed a sigh, brushing off the thoughts in your head. “I think it was.”

Your gaze dropped from those pretty hazel eyes, shimmering golden and green in the sunlight, across the immaculate structure of his cheekbones and jaw, right to his pretty pink lips. If only you could know what it felt like to have them against yours- would they be soft or rough?- to have his hot tongue in your mouth, his hands grabbing your waist, touching you all over, pulling you onto his lap. What you wouldn’t give to feel his mouth making it’s way down your body, leaving wet kisses and sucking on tender skin, leaving marks on your throat, your hips, the insides of your thighs. To feel his nose rub against you as his tongue dipped, lapped, caressed…

Mat watched you, the look in your eyes, all the walls about your past broken down, and at that very moment, he knew something. He would be your friend as long as you needed, he would be there for you to pick up the pieces and listen to your problems, he’d keep you safe, he’d do what a best friend should do. But, fuck. Fuck, he loved you. He loved you, he loved you, he loved you, and he wasn’t sure how long he could keep it to himself.  This was so bad. 

He broke apart from you, removing his hands from where they’d been resting on your shoulders under your own soft hands, taking a few strides back in the water, and trying to regain some platonic boundaries between the two of you. That was all you were, right? Friends.

“Woah, where are you running off too, Mat?” Your laugh rang in his ear, pretty and perfect, and you.

“I-” He gestured back to the shore. “I think lunch is ready onshore. I’m kinda hungry.”

“Alright.” You pressed your hand into his and his heart leaped at the simple affection. It’s not like you hadn’t held hands before, but this time it felt… different. “Let’s head back then, Maty.”

Damn it, you have me wrapped around your finger, babe.

The day passed much too quickly for either of your taste and before you knew it the sun was dipping low in the sky, signaling the end of your long day. You wanted to spend the rest of time here in the sun, your feet digging into the sandy bottom of the ocean with the waves splashing around you; you wanted to spend the rest of time wrapped up in each other’s arms, caught up in each other’s eyes, frozen in time as you held on for dear life in your own little bubble separate from the rest of the world; daydreaming about kissing and fingers running through each other’s hair. You wanted to spend the rest of time dreaming of holding each other without worrying that the other didn’t feel the same. 

But it wasn’t quite over yet.

You were sitting alone on the dock, working away at braiding the bracelet you were finishing up for Mat when you heard footsteps behind you and looked up to find him, his hair sun-dried and fluffy in the breeze and a fresh drink in his hand. “Wow, that’s really coming along, huh?” His voice was a blanket of familiarity washing over you. You would never get tired of hearing it.

“Yeah, it is.” You smiled up at him. “When you want something hard enough, you really gotta work for it.” You reached up to grab his empty hand, wrapping the bracelet around his wrist to see how much more you had to get done. Your fingers lingered on his skin for a few moments longer than they should have, and you both noticed the delicate change in atmosphere before you pulled away completely.

“You mind if I join you here?”

“Anytime, Mat.”

So he sat down next to you, watching the colors fade from the sky and dipping his toes in the water with you and closing his eyes in pure bliss. You were both warm and smelled of saltwater and sunscreen, your breath tasting of the lemonade you had had after dinner, and whatever alcoholic drink Mat was currently sipping on; your cheeks and nose were still slightly rosy from the sun, faces hurting from smiling and laughing too much with him. If this wasn’t the perfect recreation of your first family trip with him all those years ago, you weren’t sure what was. 

Everything was soft and quiet until Mat spoke up from next to you. “You know, sunsets on the east coast aren’t that cool.”

“Ouch!” You mocked offense, bringing a hand to your heart. ”Wow, I invite you on this vacation with me and all you can do is insult it? I’ll rethink ever bringing you back.” He threw his head back in a cackle- the one you loved so much.

“No, I just mean… it’s cooler seeing the sunset over the ocean, don’t you think?” 

You shrugged. “I don’t know, don’t really wanna inflate your ego any more.”

He chuckled a bit more, always a welcomed sound in your ears. “Guess I gotta take you out west then, try to convince you.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. I’ll take you to Vancouver with me when I go home. We can head to the beach from there. My mom would love to meet you.” 

“You told your parents about me?”

“Of course. I told them all about you after we caught up. They remember you, they even still have pictures of us somewhere. They’d love you.” 

There was something about that moment... He was shirtless, the sun was going down behind him and casting a pretty halo around his head, his eyes held yours intensely, with unanswered questions. You tried to ignore the way his skin glistened in the light, the way his thick thighs were spreading out deliciously as he sat, the way you were sitting so close to him that the outside of your bare thigh was touching his, the way you were leaning back on your hands with your pinky loosely tangled with his. There was something about that moment, talking about his family and how much they’d love to meet you, how there are still pictures floating around of you and Mat as children, of the one summer that changed everything for you. There was something about that moment that almost had you leaning in.  

“Kids, we’re heading home!”

You turned away from him quickly, scooting your leg away and pulling your hand from his. Maybe hearing your mother’s voice was what pulled you back into reality. You couldn’t kiss him. Not now.

“Yeah, yeah!!” You pulled yourself up off the dock, extending a hand to help Mat up, and smiling when his big palm touched yours, warm and soft. “We’re coming!” 

This wasn’t how you wanted the day to end, but maybe it was for the best.

You could break the boundaries of friendship, push the limits to your relationship with Mat, stick your toe in and test the waters, but was it worth it? Maybe you should just try to avoid your feelings for him. Maybe it would be best to suffer in silence for the rest of your life. Shove those feelings down inside of you and swallow your words only to spend your nights dreaming of how it would feel to sleep next to him, to roll over into his arms. Maybe it was best to love him from afar. Rather that than ruin what was an amazing friendship. 

Right?

[desticuleconfessions]

hey desticule. so i have a supernatural-themed girl best friends story that i’ve wanted to share for a long time, especially because none of my irl friends ever rly understood the gravity of this experience w/o the context of spn. there’s a lot of fun parallels to stuff on the show, and its given me like years of brain rot and therapy lmao. so i really deeply appreciate this page as an outlet, thank you so much to the mods for making it. anyways uh. here goes. sorry it’s so long.

[tw: queer trauma, religious trauma, mental illness]

okay so. in 3rd grade i met this girl. we'll call her kate. we became best friends, as in our names were never spoken separately, we did (and won) every science fair together, she came skiing with my family every winter, i stayed with her family at their beach house in the summers, our younger siblings were friends, etc.

our birthdays were exactly 6 months apart (jan 22/jul 22) so we literally believed that we were celestially intertwined.

we wrote a novel together in 8th grade. her family is baptist, we attended massachusetts catholic schools. i would go to church with her family when i slept over, i held hands and said grace with them at meals. they are all tall and blonde and beautiful. classically angelic. i am south asian. i remember introducing her to harry potter in the 4th grade, her mother hadn't let her read em because it was "blasphemous", but i snuck her my copies and she would read them during lunch n recess and keep them in my locker. sorry this seems like a lot of unnecessary detail but it will be important later.

anyways we both got into doctor who and subsequentally supernatural (s1-8?9 at the time). i specifically remember getting her into supernatural. i also remember her instinctive disdain for destiel when i talked about it, i was showing her a meta or fanfic i think, and i talked her through undoing some of her christian household’s internalized homophobia (fully assuming we were both straight at this point) (we were fucking 12). we'd do the whole "bitch" "jerk" thing, i (the older one) affectionately called her 'sammy', her phone password was dean, mine was cas (and they still are). on my 13th birthday, she gifted me a samulet, which i still wear to this day. (additionally, she gave me a vonnegut 'so it goes' necklace one year) (thats not vital but) (goes to show the extent of my dean coding) (im also an aquarius lmao). im highly protective of her. i carry extra rubber bands on my wrist for her. i keep our money and phones in my jacket when the school takes us skiing. i sit next to her in the halls during lunch and organize her binder. on an 8th grade field trip, a boy made a gross comment at her and i broke his nose.

so we start high school together at coed catholic school nearby, i join debate, make a friend also into spn, she's bi. she asks kate out over text. kate's mom sees this. things turn.

now the rest of these things happened over the course of a couple months and due to my trauma memory loss, i have no idea how accurate some of these memories are so uh. don't hold me to them.

- her highly religious mother is not happy with this obviously. at some point, she brings a priest home and tries to have kate exorcised.

- at this point, we learn that kate is schizophrenic; it never seemed to create noticeable issues before bc her home life and childhood was a perfect happy dream (not an assumption, her words).

- she's still coming to school, sporadically now, i bring home her work, spend hours helping her.

- when she comes to school, she has seizures: sometimes we're fortunate enough that they happen in a class we have together. she freezes up and the teacher empties the room. i refuse to leave. i hold her hand and softly sing her favorite song and sometimes she comes back to me. sometimes she doesn’t and the bell rings and the teacher forces me to leave and let the nurse handle it.

- another time they announce a medical lockdown (to keep ppl out of the hallway if someone is being escorted to an ambulance) while im in catholicism class, i immediately know it’s her; she fainted in the pool during swim team practice.

- i stay awake for 6 days straight bc i read online that sleep deprivation induces some of the same symptoms as schizophrenia and if i could understand what she was going through, i could help her

- she shows up at my house w both of her parents 15 minutes before the winter ball, begs me to go bc her parents will only let her if i go. so i do. her mom lurks by the gym doors with the chaperones. during a slow song, kate and debate girl start to slow dance, i grab our friend’s hand, drag him in front of them so her mom can’t see and make out with him.

- i wanted to tell her to stop but i was too afraid i would lose us, that it would seem like i was homophobic or i was jealous, but i knew her in my marrow and it didn’t seem like she was in love or into the relationship, it was willful self destruction

- we talked in the last few years, she confirmed this.

- at some point, she says she’s sorry she didn’t tell me about the voices before.

- when we talk, she’s not her anymore, she doesn’t remember our inside jokes, our codes, i can feel her being slowly ripped away and apart in real time

- i have a vivid memory of arguing with her and her telling me im not real, that her mind made me up, while occasionally speaking to something? someone? else in the room. i hold her hand and point to the matching thin scars on our thumbs and try to convince her im real.

- she eventually drops out entirely, taken to some mental facility that im not entirely sure wasnt conversion therapy (it was definitely a religious facility) (and conversion therapy was not outlawed in new hampshire until 2019) and im not allowed to see her.

- every now and then i get cryptic distressing emails or texts from her.

- one in particular has the subject, “youandiwalkafragilelineihaveknownitallthistimebutineverthoughtidlivetoseeitbreak” which is the first line of the song ‘haunted’ by taylor swift (our shared favorite)(the summer after this happened we collectively decided we needed a new swift Our Song and chose ‘breathe’). the body of the email read “what the hell have i done”

- i pray for the first time in my life, every single day for a few months, in different languages, at temple with my parents, in the chapel at school

- on a club trip, i get a call at 2am from her, crying, asking me why i didn’t help her, why i didn’t stop her, that it was my job to protect her

here’s something i wrote about her, three yrs after:

I wasn’t careful enough and she caught quickly. She burned so close and so bright that for long afterwards, I could not see. And like that, she was gone. I walked into the chapel. Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

[that last line is from the latin version for a catholic prayer called the act of contrition, it translates to “through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault”]

in the fall, i hear she’s starting at a small baptist school almost an hour from her house. she is dating the principal’s son. the principal is also her pastor.

in my second year of college, i have a bad acid trip in a snowy park in december. i put my hands into the snow and when i look at them,i see blood. i see her body in the snow adorned like it’s a funeral

i still have dreams about her. sometimes i meet her in a grassy field, flying kites and i invite her to my wedding. in others, i catch a glimpse of her ponytail and catholic school skirt and chase her up eight flights of stairs and when i grab her hand, she turns to ash.

at some point in a separate argument w my parents in which they went through my texts and found out i wasn’t straight (amongst other things) my dad says:“i knew i should’ve listened to [kate’s dad] when he told me the things you would talk about. he knew what you are. and he took his daughter away from you.”

last christmas we met up and drove around together, she tells me that for years she thought i hated her for letting me down and for abandoning me, and i literally have the dean winchester in ‘sacrifice’ five stages of grief when sam says “you know what i confessed in there?” because i could not even begin to fathom that she ever blamed herself. it had always been my fault. i had failed to save her. i corrupted her and i failed to save her.

anyways she’s fine now, she’s okay, im okay, we’ve talked and unpacked and we’re alright. but uh. yeah. that happened. the parallels make me crazy. now they can make you crazy too.

‎

[thominho-incorrectquotes]

I need you, always

This is my entry for Thominho Week 2020, Day 7 “Soulmate AU”

Characters: Thomas x Minho

2129 words

Tags: Canon compliant, post canon, Soulmate AU, fluff

Summary:  Thomas never felt worst. Not even when he went against his own promise and told Minho what he did to Newt. Not even when he pulled the trigger… Okay, maybe not as much, but he was still feeling bad. Really bad.

Note:  I'm so sorry, I was supposed to post this 2 days ago, but I got busy again. Also, this fic is kinda part 2 of this fic.

You can also read it on AO3 and ff.net

________________________________

Thomas never felt worst. Not even when he went against his own promise and told Minho what he did to Newt. Not even when he pulled the trigger… Okay, maybe not as much, but he was still feeling bad. Really bad.

He was sad, irritated and he had the feeling that his heart was missing, like it had been ripped out of his chest. And he didn’t understand why or where it came from.

Everything was fine in the Safe Haven. People were doing well. It was a peaceful life. So why did Thomas felt so bad?

He was seating by the beach, like he always did with Minho when they were done with their tasks for the day. When they arrived to the Safe Haven, the other immunes somehow wanted the two of them to be part of the small leader group. They said that they trusted them ever since they guided them out of the Maze and brought them there. Everyone had agree, even Gally. Given that Minho had a natural authority and Thomas was quite diplomatic, they worked well together. Of course, older immunes were also part of this team of leaders, like Jorge.

Right now, Minho was away with a small group of immunes for an exploration trip of few days. Thomas had wanted to go, but since he was one of the leaders, he had to stay. Now, the cabin he shared with the Asian felt empty. Lunch time felt dull, his best friend was not there to crack a joke. And he was alone to go to the beach. Thomas really missed the older boy. He had been gone for only few days and was supposed to be back soon, but he still missed him.

Lost in thoughts, he didn’t realized that Gally came and sat beside him. Turning to the taller boy, a bit irritated because it was his and Minho’s spot, but he still greeted him. It was weird to admit, but Gally became quite a good friend over time.

“How are you?” the blond asked.

“Fine.”

“Don’t lie to me Greenie.”

Thomas hated that nickname. But coming from Gally, it kind of felt nostalgic, so he never said anything when he called him that.

“You clearly aren’t yourself right now” he continued. “Not that you smile much anyway, but nowadays you’re just… depress.”

The brunet didn’t reply and instead stared at the ocean, a view he couldn’t never be tired of. What could he have said anyway? He knew that he hasn’t been the loveliest person lately.

“You miss him, don’t you?” It was more of a statement than a question. And Thomas knew exactly who Gally was referring to.

“How’d you know?”

“It’s pretty obvious shank” he laughed. “You two are always together.”

Thomas stayed silent. Once again, Gally was right, he just couldn’t go and deny it.

“You know, I have this theory...” the Builder began. “When I was in Denver, I heard something pretty interesting.”

“And what could it be” Thomas asked in a tone that indicated that he didn’t really care.

“It’s about soulmates.”

“Soulmates?” That was intriguing.

“Yeah, soulmates.” Gally was grinning, which did nothing good to his disfigured face. “Apparently, soulmates were a thing back then. It’s now more of a legend, because of the Flare and the many deaths it caused. But anyway, it says that people are bound to meet someone at some point in their lives and form a strong bond with them that will never break. It can be anyone. A friend, a sibling, a partner… Anyone.” Thomas was confused. “Why are you telling me all that?”

“I think you and Minho are soulmates” Gally answered.

A bomb was dropped. The brunet stood up in shock. He couldn’t believe his friend just said that.

“W-what? Have you lost your mind?!” he almost yelled.

“Let me explain” Gally sighed. He should have anticipated this reaction. “The thing is; from the moment the soulmates meet, they can’t be away from each other for too long or else they’ll start to feel miserable, lonely and depress. It apparently feels like your heart is not there anymore. Tell me it isn’t how you’re feeling right now.”

Thomas was speechless. He let himself he let himself fall back on the sand stunned. The taller boy was looking at him, deadpanned.  

“But…” he tried, but was unable to form a sentence.

“Listen” Gally continued. “Back in the Glade, Minho had never really been close to someone. He was often alone, until you came. Sure, he got along with Newt and some other Gladers, but close? Like how close you two are? Never.”

Thomas was surprised to hear that. His best friend was such an amazing person in his mind, he just assumed that he could attract and befriend anyone. He was funny, smart, strong… and quite attractive.

But then he thought back of that night in the Pit, where the Asian boy told him that Thomas was the only one who could understand him. He remembered that connection he felt with the Keeper at that moment. They had slept together that night.  It had felt so good to finally have someone he could count on.

He remembered how he felt when he got reunited with Minho after they had been apart during the trials. He remembered the joy and relief he felt. He remembered how having the older boy in his arms felt, how happy he felt to know that he was alive.

Okay, maybe Gally wasn’t that wrong.

“Is it real? This whole soulmate thing?” he asked.

“I don’t know, but if it is, I’m pretty sure that you and Minho are soulmates” Gally replied with a shrug. “And thinking about it, I think Alby and Newt also were soulmates. They were both so close.”

Thomas didn’t want to think about Newt. It still hurt so much, even after telling Minho. But he admitted that after Alby’s death, the blond boy never was the same.

“Okay, and what do I do with this new information?”

“That’s your problem” Gally mocked him. “It was just tiring seeing you so depress, I thought it could help you if you understood why you’re feeling like that.”

“Wow, thanks Gally, I never thought you could be so considerate” Thomas replied sarcastically.

“Minho’s really rubbing on you” the boy snickered. “You two are really made for each other.”

At that, the brunet blushed, but turned his head, not wanting the other to see his red face.

“You know that he still haven’t forgave me?” Gally informed.

“Forgive you for what?”

“For trying to kill you. For wanting to kill you.”

“Nonsense, he did” Thomas scoffed.

“No he hasn’t. He hates my guts. I can barely talk to the guy.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah.” Gally grinned. “He really cares about you, you know? Never saw someone so protective…”

A million thoughts were running in Thomas’s mind. He was analyzing every moment, every details of his relationship with Minho. Every times the Keeper had been there to make sure he was safe. Every time he saved him.

He also came to the realization that ever since they first met, back in the Glade, he has wanted to be around the Keeper. His weird desire to become a runner must had come from that. At least, a part of it. He liked to be with the boy, having him all for himself. Their alone moments on the beach or on their cabins were times Thomas enjoyed the most.

His best friend was the most important person in his life. He knew that. But Gally just came and shook all his believes. Was it really more than that?

“Anyway, I have things to do” the Builder said as he stood up, shaking the sand that had gotten on him. “Have a nice evening.”

“You too…”

And like that, Gally left Thomas to his own thoughts.

***

Two days had passed. Thomas was doing his usual tour, helping some people and making sure everything in the Safe Haven was doing well, when he heard someone yelling that the exploration team was back.

He never ran faster. And he had run a lot in his life!

He just needed to see Minho.

Over the past days, his discussion with Gally had kept him awake at night. He just couldn’t stop thinking about it. Was Minho really his soulmate?

However, right now, he just wanted to see him. He had missed Minho so much.

When he finally saw the massive built and perfect raven hair of this best friend, he stopped breathing. He was there.

Without having the time to process anything, his body rushed towards Minho. He almost knocked him over by hugging him as if his life depended on it. Immediately, he felt better. The hole in his chest was gone. The sadness he carried with him also disappeared. He just… he really had missed him so much.

Minho was also holding him tight, nuzzling into Thomas’s neck. He couldn’t let go of him. At some point, they ended up on the ground, still holding each other. The world around them was a blur. The only thing that mattered was finally being together.

They stayed like that, silent, for what felt like hours. It just felt so good.

“Oh damn” Minho finally said, letting out a breath he was holding. “I’m never going away without you again.”

He feels the same Thomas thought. He feels the same!

It was clear now. He loved Minho. He was in love with him. And they were soulmates, there was no denying anymore.

“Yeah, you better” he replied, his voice muffled by Minho’s neck.

“Come help us lover boys” said Frypan who came to help unpack. “You’ll have plenty of time to make out later.”

Both boys blushed.

“We weren’t-“

“Yeah, but you were about to. Now help us!”

They reluctantly separated, slightly embarrassed. But they were happy to have each other again.

***

They went to their cabin not much later and as Minho was untying his shoes and went to lay on his bed, Thomas couldn’t help the warm feeling he felt over seeing his best friend back home. He realized that without him in their cabin, it haven’t felt like a home at all. It had been cold and empty. Now, it was warm and lively.

Once he got rid of his shoes, he saw Minho with arms open on his bed. Thomas immediately latched onto him. He missed their cuddling session too. He laid his head on the Keeper’s chest, his arms wrapped around his torso.

“Don’t ever leave me again. No for so long, it felt horrible” Thomas mumbled, drowning in all the feelings he felt about finally having his friend back.

“I promise.”

Minho was running his hand in the soft brown hair, making the boy almost purr. It wasn’t something abnormal for them to be like that. Ever since that night in the Pit, physical touch was a regular occurrence for them.

But something was bothering the brunet. He needed to tell him.

“You know…” Thomas began, breaking the silence. “Gally told me something weird.”

“And what is it?” The Asian had almost growled. Okay, so he really hated Gally…

“Well, it’s about soulmates…”

He then repeated what the Builder had told him. Every details. Minho was listening quietly, stroking the younger boy’s face with his thumb. He could feel the nervousness in Thomas voice.

When the Runner finished, his heart was beating faster than usual. There was still a slight chance that the older boy didn’t feel the same and doubted there were soulmates.

“That explains a lot” Minho however stated, to Thomas’s relief. “It was a bit weird for me, getting so attached to you, even after what you did for me back in the Maze. I guess it was why.”

“Yeah… it explains a lot…”

“Well… I’m happy my soulmate is the person I love.” It was said as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Like something Thomas should have known for a long time.

“W-wait what?”

“What?”

“Y-you love m-me?”

Minho stared at him deadpanned.

“Yes, you dumb shank.”

“No… as in… in love with me?”

“Yes, you dumb shank” he repeated. “Really, after all this time you didn’t figure it out? I thought you were supposed to be bright.”

“But…”

“No, you’re dumb, just admit it” Minho laughed.

Thomas chuckled along. He never felt so happy. He was filled with joy that his feelings were reciprocated. He climbed on top of the other boy and grinned at him.

“Okay, I’m an idiot.” The Asian shook his head in agreement. “But I guess I’m your idiot.”

“Of course you are… Now come down and kiss me.”

 ___________________________

I hope you enjoyed this!

I personally really enjoyed this challenge! It had been a while since I wrote something in english, so just for that it was pretty challenging, but writing a fic everyday, coming up with ideas and just writing about my favorite ship was just really the best!

[miracloud]

Different Light

Lee Jinhyuk x y/n

fluff

friends-to-lovers au (if its not yet clear, im a sucker for these kind of au lol)

“Oi! Let me in. They’ve released a new episode for Shokugeki no Soma. Let’s watch it on your TV!”, you woke up after hearing his loud voice and continuous knocking on the door.

“Get away. Watch it on your house.”

“Come on! It’s much better to watch it with someone. Let me in!”

You tried to ignore him but he’s not stopping knocking the door. You groaned and forced yourself to stand. You opened the door and you were faced with a grinning Jinhyuk.

“I knew you can’t resist me. Come on, come on. Let’s watch”, he said as he dragged you inside your room. He made you sit beside him while he turned on the TV. You were dozing off and he noticed it. He shook you profusely. 

“Wake up already sleepyhead. Where’s your passion? We love anime, if you have forgotten.”

“Dude, I still love anime but I also love sleep. I slept late because I was watching an anime! I can just watch this later”, you informed him and you pushed his hands away from your shoulders.

He sighed. “Fine.”

He gently pulled you closer and made you sleep on his lap. He continued watching while you sleep. 

You felt someone touching your hair. You opened your eyes to see Jinhyuk looking at you with a smile.

“Already awake?”, he asked as you sit.

“Wash up and let’s eat breakfast. It smelled delicious but I can’t go down because you were sleeping”, he reasoned.

“Eat breakfast in your house. Why do you always come here during the weekend?”, you said as you washed your face.

“Because it’s comfortable here. Do it faster, let’s go down.”

“Yes yes. I’m done, master”, you replied sarcastically.

You followed him downstairs and you greeted your parents. Your younger brother was also there. When he saw Jinhyuk, he ran to him immediately.

“Jinhyuk-hyung, you are here? Why do always go to my sister’s room? Come to mine”, he said as he glared at you.

“You -- how dare you glare at your older sister?!”, and you were about to chase him but Jinhyuk held your wrist. He laughed and told you to stop.

You had a happy breakfast. Jinhyuk, as usual, is full of stories. He’s studying in a different university and even though you don’t know his classmates personally, it seems like you almost know everything about them because of him.

“Hey, are you listening? Are you daydreaming again?”, he asked as the two of you are washing the dishes.

“Huh? What was it?”

“I said, if you want to come with me to the university today? There’s a school activity going on and we can bring outsiders.”

“Hmm..”

“Don’t even think about it. You’re coming with me. I’m sure you’ll have fun. I will also introduce my university friends to you.”

He looked so excited and you don’t want to burst his bubble. You nod and after washing the dishes, you two decided to meet at the intersection just right outside your house.

Along the way, you two chatted some more about the anime you were watching early in the morning. To tease you, he was about to spoil the episode he had watch on your room. You covered your ears while saying random words, an attempt to not hear his story.

“Okay okay. I won’t tell you.”

Before you knew it, you are outside his university. It seems like the event is quite popular. There were plenty of people just in the entrance. After some time, you’ve finally entered the school grounds. 

It was quite beautiful. There were laughter everywhere. The weather was also perfect for the event, not too hot and not too cold. You have noticed that Jinhyuk is quite popular with his peers. As soon as you entered, he was greeted by group of men. He was popular among men and women and it was not surprising to you. Jinhyuk’s approachable and humorous. 

Jinhyuk led you to a lively room. The room is not yet opened and yet, you can hear the murmuring inside. When he opened the room, you recognized some of them and again, it’s not because you met them personally but you met them through Jinhyuk’s stories.

“y/n, come. I’ll introduce you to them.”

“Guys, this is y/n. I have told you about her before.”

“Oho~ you’re y/n, huh? It’s good to finally meet you. Jinhyuk’s stories were all about you. I’m --”

“Seungyeon, right?”, you finished his sentence.

“Uh yes, how did you know?”

“Jinhyuk mentioned you plenty of times”, you reasoned.

You suddenly remembered when Jinhyuk shared that Seungyeon once tripped in the middle of the hallway because of a bubblegum Jinhyuk placed on the floor. Jinhyuk was warned by the school authorities for doing that. You laughed as the story came to life on your mind.

“Why are you laughing? Wait, did Jinhyuk mentioned anything embarrassing about me?”, Seungyeon asked. Him and Jinhyuk bickered for a while because of that. 

Jinhyuk left for a moment to buy some snacks for you. You wanted to come with him but he insisted that you can rest and then you can roam the area with him later in the afternoon. You were left with Seungyeon and some of his other friends. 

“y/n, right? Are you not with Jinhyuk?”, Kookheon asked.

“Huh? No. Not at all. Jinhyuk and I are like siblings.”

“Eh? Really? It would be nice if you can be with him though. He always talks about you and it came to the point when we don’t have to hear his story because just from his expression, we know that he’ll talk about you.”

It’s not surprising to you. You have heard the same talk when you were still in junior high. Some even bet that you will be together at the end of senior high but nothing happened. You stayed as friends.

Jinhyuk is a great guy and his narcissistic self also knows that. You recognize all his good qualities and accepts his problematic qualities but you have never seen him as a man. It’s a platonic relationship.

“What are you guys talking about?”, Jinhyuk asked as he gently placed the snacks on the table.

“They were talking about us having a romantic relationship”, you blandly replied.

“I have already told you before that y/n is like a sibling to me”, he replied.

Before you brought the snack closer to your mouth, you noticed the red tinge on his left ear. You did not mind it.

“So how was it?”, he asked as you two were walking around the neighborhood.

“It was fun. Your friends are really nice. They made me feel like I’m one of them”, you replied with a smile as you reminisce the activities you did in the afternoon.

“I knew you would like them. They’re great friends.”

You two enjoyed the soft wind touching your skin. The sky has a faint tinge of pink as the sun is setting. Jinhyuk rested his arms on your shoulder and you let him be. After quite some time, you noticed that some of the women in your neighborhood has been murmuring. Well, you understand them. It may look like you are lovers in their point-of-view. That didn’t affect you though. The most important thing is you know what kind of relationship you have with Jinhyuk.

You were awakened with the same reason again. You groaned hearing his voice. Does he need to go here every Saturday and Sunday?!

“Oi, open the door.”

“What is it this time?”

“I just want to stay in your room”, he replied.

“Just stay at Minhyuk’s (your brother) room first.”

You heard the thumping of his feet. His knocks grew faint but he’s still knocking and it doesn’t look like it will stop any moment from now. You forced yourself to stand.

Contrary to what he usually does, he is leaning on the door when you opened it. You saw his shocked expression as he pushed you to the ground. He was on top of you and he was close, too close. You both gazed at each other for a few seconds before you pushed him.

“W-why were you leaning on the door? That was dangerous!”

“Right. Hahaha. Sorry about that.” His laugh was awkward, evidently trying to make the atmosphere light. The two of you stood up and you jumped to your bed and covered yourself with a blanket. 

Why is my heart beating so fast?

Apparently, your brother saw what happened and he announced it on the dining table. You and Jinhyuk were coughing when he mentioned it.

“I saw Jinhyuk-hyung on top of noona this morning.”

You immediately hit his head.

“Are you stupid? It was not like that!”

“Mom, Dad. It was an accident”, you reasoned.

“You two... if you are in a romantic relationship, you don’t have to hide it from us. We already know Jinhyuk well. He’s a fine man”, your father said.

You were waving your arms gesturing that he thought wrong.

“Dad, it’s not like that at all! We’re like siblings and it was an accident”, you insisted.

He sighed. “Fine but don’t hide anything from us”, he replied.

After breakfast, instead of going to your room, Jinhyuk went to Minhyuk’s room. You can hear them playing video games. You thought that it is better that way. You need some time to calm down.

Why is it suddenly like this? It should not have that kind of impact to me. I have been with him for a long time already but why suddenly..?

That day, he did not enter your room again. With the door closed, you just heard him say goodbye, meaning that he was going home.

The next day, you were walking along the road towards the bus station when you passed by Jinhyuk’s house. A woman’s voice called your name. It’s Jinhyuk’s mother.

“y/n, do you have some time?”, she asked.

Well, you do have time. Your class will start in 2 hours and you simply wanted to go early because you wanted to stay in the library.

“Yes. Do you need anything?”

“That’s great. Can you bring this to Jinhyuk? He left it and he wanted me to bring it to him but I need to attend to the shop.”

Eh? Wait. What kind of fate is this?

You wanted to protest but you also don’t want her to know that there is an awkward atmosphere between you two. You held the notebook on her hands and promised that you’ll deliver it to him. 

Once you were outside the university, you called his mobile.

On the other hand, Jinhyuk was chatting with his friends when he felt his phone vibrate. He saw your name and for the first time, he was quite hesitant to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Jinhyuk, come get your notebook. I’m outside your school”, you said.

“W-why are you the one here?”

There was some silence. You went all this way and you’re feeling unwelcome.

“Oi, are you getting it or not? I’ll leave this on the ground”, you threatened.

 “W-wait. I’m getting it.”

When he came, you immediately gave him the notebook and went away.

“Where did you go?”, Seungyeon asked.

“Ah, y/n brought my notebook”, Jinhyuk replied.

“Oho~ now that you mention it, you haven’t talked about her today. Did something happen?”, he teased.

“Nothing and do I really have to talk about her every day?”

“This is interesting. Jinhyuk not talking about his favorite girl in the world?”, he continued teasing him.

“She’s not my favorite girl in the world!”

His friends laughed for his outburst. 

It’s already Sunday and he has not visited you yet. It’s not like I miss him, you told yourself. 

“Noona, where’s Jinhyuk-hyung? Is he not coming here?”, your brother asked.

“I don’t know. He might be busy.”

You can’t resist anymore and you sent him a message.

I’ve downloaded the full season of Seven Deadly Sins. Watch with me.

Jinhyuk saw your message and that was his signal. He was uncertain if he should visit you but since you are inviting him, then it means that he can go. 

“Hey, I brought some snack”, he said as he sat beside you.

Good thing that the anime you were watching had plenty of fighting scenes. These made you two jump and scream while watching. The awkward atmosphere disappeared and as if nothing happened.

After that, everything went back to normal. Good thing it did. You don’t want that to happen again. He went back to his habit of spending his weekend with you. If there’s anything that changed, it’s the distance between the two of you. Well he still wrap his arms on your shoulders but you don’t do holding hands anymore. He also used to sleep beside you when he’s at your house but that doesn’t happen anymore.

You hate to admit it but the skinship that you felt normal before has been something that you anticipate with.

One Friday night, Jinhyuk visited your house to play with Minhyuk. After some time, he noticed that your parents are not present.

“Hey, where are your parents?”, he asked.

“Ah, they visited my grandma. Both me and Minhyuk had classes this morning so we can’t go with them.”

“Oh~ wait”, he had a grin and went outside.

About an hour after, he came back wearing sleeping pajamas and he had yoru, his stuff toy, on his arms.

“I’m going to sleep here”, he announced.

“Huh?!” “Yey!” Both you and Minhyuk reacted. Obviously, you did the former.

You wanted to protest but he told you that he will stay with Minhyuk. You agreed. The three of you were quite tired that evening due to playing the whole night. You said your good nights and retreated to your rooms. 

Later that night, Jinhyuk had to use the toilet. The toilet is at the end, beside your room. After that, he went back and fell asleep.

You opened your eyes when you heard clicking sounds. The first thing that you did was to look for the source of that sound. You saw Minhyuk holding his mobile and taking a picture of you.

You raised your feet to kick him then suddenly, you felt someone’s movement. You looked at your side and saw that familiar face. You stood up immediately and threw a pillow at him. He rubbed his eyes and sat up.

“Hm.. What’s the commotion all about?”, he said, still half-asleep.

“Why are you here?! You said you will sleep beside Minhyuk!”

This woke him up and he searched around the room.

“Wait! I’m sure that I was --”, then he realized that after taking his time in the toilet, he immediately entered the room next to it.

While the two of you were panicking, Minhyuk sent the picture to your parents and you instantly received a call from your mother.

“No, mom. It’s a misunderstanding. He was half-asleep when he went here”, you explained.

The truth is, your parents do not find it as a problem. They actually want you to be with Jinhyuk so they are trying to indirectly push you to him. 

“What’s the big deal? We used to sleep together”, Jinhyuk said.

“Well, it’s a different thing now. We’re adults.”

The breakfast that day was quiet and Minhyuk obviously noticed it. As a curious child, he asked questions why we are not talking to each other, why we are in the same room, and is it normal since he only saw your parents to stay in one bed.

You tried to answer some of his questions but refrained some. After breakfast, Jinhyuk went home and thank god he did. Why is this happening again? My heart is beating fast again.

You haven’t met Jinhyuk again after that. 

You were walking towards your university gate when someone tap your shoulder. It’s Wooseok, a classmate of yours.

“Hey, did you make the assignment?”, he asked. You gave him an eye.

“I’m not letting you copy”, you told him.

“Come on~ I completely forgot about it and I might fail the class without it”, he explained.

“You still got 30 mins to answer.”

He hugged you and insisted that you help him. You let out a smile. You find it cute and you just handed over your notebook. He jumped for joy and hugged you tightly.

Then somebody pulled you away from Wooseok. You looked at his direction and you saw Jinhyuk with furrowed eyebrows.

“Who are you?”, he asked, clearly irritated.

“Uh, I’m Kim Wooseok, y/n’s classmate”, Wooseok replied while looking at you for help.

“Why are you hugging y/n?”

You just gently pushed Wooseok and told him to just give the notebook before the professor enters.

“Oi, why are you angry? He was hugging me because I let him copy my assignment. He was just thanking me”, you explained.

“And he had to hug you?! He can just say it and he’s just your friend.”

Seriously, what is wrong with him?

“Jinhyuk, we hug all the time and we are friends”, you made him realize.

This made him calm down but later on, his face grew red in color. He covered his face with his right hand and gestured, with his left hand, that he’ll get going. You held his wrist.

“Wait, why did you come here?”, you asked.

“Uhh.. nothing. I need to go”, and he pushed your hand away.

The bell rang and it was your signal that your class is starting. You ran to your classroom and Wooseok gently passed your notebook with a “thank you” note.

During lunch, you received a message from Jinhyuk.

I’ll eat dinner at your house. My parents are not at home.

~ when did you ever ask permission? lol . you’re welcome to join us

By 6 PM, Jinhyuk arrived and your mother invited him to eat. After dinner, Jinhyuk went with you to your room to watch an anime. Only the sound from the television can be heard. Jinhyuk, from sitting for a long time, changed his position. This made him accidentally touch your hand. Both of you flinched.

Why does a simple touch make you feel this way?

You kept on questioning yourself but you knew exactly the reason why you felt that way. You’re falling for him, for your best friend. You were lost in your thoughts when suddenly, Jinhyuk took the courage to hold your hand. You looked at him immediately.

He turned off the television and it was silent.

You just continued looking at him. What is he thinking? You were wishing that he can’t hear your fast beating heart. Then, you felt his hand gripping your hand tighter and everything just stopped.

You felt his lips on your cheek and from shock, you did not breath for a moment. You touched your cheek with your free hand. Soon, the feeling sank in.

“W-w-w-wha--”

“If.. I ask you on a date, will you go?”, he asked.

“Huh? Wait, what’s happening??”

“I like you okay? And I mean, not as friends but you as a woman.”

Doesn’t this only happen in shoujo manga?

You saw that familiar red tinge in his ear again. His hand was sweaty, showing that he is nervous. 

You are unfamiliar with this feeling but you knew that for some time, you were seeing Jinhyuk in a different light. You wanted to know more about this feeling, this emotion.

You gave him a nod and held back his hand. The both of you were grinning wide.

Click!

You saw Minhyuk taking another picture.

“I’m going to show this to Mom and Dad!”, he announced and ran downstairs. You wanted to chase after him but Jinhyuk held you back and you are now lying beside him.

“Oi, you just invited me to a date! We’re not yet going out!”, you told him as you pushed him away.

“Not yet?”, he teased. You blushed and pushed him outside your door. Before he can leave, you told him “I’m only available on weekends!” . This made him smile.

When he went downstairs, your parents were waiting for him. Then your father held out a thumbs up to Jinhyuk, completely supporting this change.

[1-1snailxd-art]

The Shield to your Sword

Masterlist ———- Chapter 2

Warnings: injury, blood, physical abuse, emotional abuse (please message me if more need to be added)

word count: 6544

Tag Support Team - Thank you for your support 💜

@small-reptile-cake @daflangstlairde @quoth-the-sparrow @it-me-the-phi @soul-of-a-vixen  @the-real-wholesome-bitch  @phe-purple-parade-ts @littleladynightshade

Beginning Note: Hey 👋 so this chapter includes some art done by @fanartfunart (I’ve included a link below the image to see their Tumblr post). Now, please please please do not repost this art. This means, do not COPY and PASTE (or screenshot) it onto your own post on any social media channel. If you like the art, reblog the Tumblr post. Respect the artist and give them the love and appreciation they deserve

Summary: Chance meetings can be shocking but often play a big part. Patton makes a new friend that will change his life, while Virgil and Logan meet old friends that leave them thinking about the future.

______________________________

Chapter 3: A Deer Friend

- years prior - near a small farming village on the edge of the west forest -

 Brown curls shifted in the gentle breeze as the boy, not long turned 12, stood poised with his arrow aimed at a target ahead of him. Glass framed by wood assisted trained eyes in watching leaves shift with the wind; waiting for them to still before releasing the arrow.

"Dead centre again. Do you ever miss, Pat?"

 Patton lowered his bow and turned to his younger brother, Remy, who was marching up the track in his usual attire; grey shirt with a dark brown jacket pulled over the top. He craned his head to look behind his brother, brow furrowing in confusion.

 "Where's our little Quiver?" It was odd to see him without their youngest brother clinging to his back.

"Just Bow and Arrow today-" he extended his arms and looked down with a half-smile - " Sorry I'm not enough. Quiver was still sleeping when I came back from my chores."

Remy accepted the bow that Patton held out for him, discarding his leather satchel on the ground and continuing forward to retrieve the arrow from its hold.

"You are more than enough, Arrow." Hands now free, Patton removed his glasses and pulled his blue shirt from his belt to clean the glass. "Unusual for him to sleep so late though."

"Yeah, well, Mother said he is a little feverish, but there isn't anything to worry about." The arrow required only a slight wiggle to remove from the target and Remy inspected the tip while he walked back to Patton.

"Maybe I should go back and check on him."

"No! Please," Remy begged; racing forward to grab his brothers arm and stop him from leaving. "We hardly ever get to train alone anymore."

 Patton looked into his brother’s eyes; begging for their lost time alone. It dawned on him just how little time they had spent together lately as he selfishly allowed their youngest brother to participate in all their training sessions. With the farm requiring so much attention and Patton taking on extra work with a baker, moments for archery practice for the brothers were far and in-between. Sighing, Patton returned his glasses and neatened his shirt before nodding; Remy quickly setting himself up to take aim at the target. Though he still worried for his youngest brother, Patton had to trust Remy's word that nothing was wrong and give his sibling his full attention for at least a few hours.

  Their final arrow sailed past the target again and Remy threw the bow down in frustration; fixing the untouched target with a death glare.

"COME ON! Can't I do one thing straight in my life!"

Ruffling his hair, Patton moved forward to search for the discarded arrows. "Don't despair little, Arrow. You'll get there eventually.

Grumbling, Remy followed, and they  began sifting through the leaf litter to find arrows and fill Patton's signature quiver. Rustling caught their attention and Remy looked over his shoulder to see Patton standing before a magnificent, grey deer with blue patterning on its face. Their eyes seemed to be locked and neither flinched at Remy's approach; his own eyes wide in fear and awe.

 "It's beautiful," Remy whispered; resting a hand on his brothers back and leaning in close.

"A creature of magic," his voice was calm and confident as Patton reached a tentative hand out, encouraging the deer to move closer.

The blue marks on the deer's face shimmered in the sunlight that escaped the forests canopy, confirming Patton's suspicion of magic. While all creatures had soul magic like humans, some were also blessed with natural magic and served as spirit guides or assisted the seasons in changing. Though neither boy could read runes, the deer's colouring was enough for them to assume its connection to winter.

*Art by @fanartfunart Click for link to the post*

 Stretching its neck forward, the deer closed its eyes and lent into Patton's hand; fingers shifting in soft fur to scratch the creatures head. Patton could feel the soul magic in his fingers connecting with that of the animal; an icy but reassuring sensation ran up his arm and he felt his body heat and cool simultaneously. Eyes opening, Patton saw a rune glowing blue in the deer's eyes and Remy gasped as Patton's suddenly did the same.

"You're a sorcerer."

Patton looked at his little brother; their words had come out as barely a whisper, choked by fear. Eye's returning to normal, Patton realised he had been holding his breath and gasped; hand still on the deer's cold fur. Fear flooded the young boy’s eyes before he wrapped his arms tightly around Patton’s middle, hands slipping securely beneath the leather quiver on his back. The action snapped Patton's mind out of a trance, and he could finally release the deer to stroke his now sobbing brothers head.

"It's okay, Remy. I'm ok."

"No-o." He kept his face pressed against the faded blue fabric of his brother’s shirt, "They'll get you. You'll be taken away or-or-"

 Patton firmly grabbed Remy's shoulders and pushed him back, forcing them both into direct eye contact. His voice was firm but comforting all the same.

"Listen to me now, Remy. I am not going anywhere. Nothing is going to happen to me. I promise."

He waited until his brother nodded, before pulling him back into a hug; glancing to the side to watch the deer as it made its way back into the forest.

 Patton had always felt he was different, but never acted on his magic abilities; preferring to remain with his family on the farm. It was safer to avoid magic work, than admit he was something more and risk imprisonment by the King. The confirmation of his gift wasn't going to change anything in Patton's mind. He would always put his family before anything else in the world. Though his heart was in the right place, Patton should never have made that promise to Remy. You can't make a promise about something you can't control, and unfortunately the fates did not work in his favour.

   ************Present Day************

 When Virgil finally opened his eyes, he was both surprised and grateful to reach his right hand out to the sun rune clock and see the sun had been up for at least 5 hours. Adding to the fact that the next guard was on time for once, he had managed to get a full 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Carefully shifting into a sitting position, grunting as his body protested to the movement, Virgil looked around the room. The chambers were designed to house the staff of visitors to the castle; beds with a chest at the foot and lockable cupboards lined the walls. Only the corner where Virgil slept had the addition of a small desk, an open shelf and a larger cupboard for his clothes.

His eyes caught on a savoury muffin sitting on top of his side drawers; a smile pulling at his lips reading the note from Roman. Hope you got some beauty sleep. Father has requested my presence all morning, so can we meet at the spell crafters after noon? Enjoy the muffin curtesy of Val. - Roman

 He made short work of his breakfast, before carefully making his way to the communal bathrooms. Stepping into a small cubicle, Virgil removed his clothes and the now useless bandages; runes gone now the magic had run its course. Despite the ache in his chest, it wasn’t surprising for Virgil to find his torso clear of bruising; it was the area he had focused majority of his soul magic throughout the evening and he was rewarded with his abuse hidden. The same could not be said for his arm as it throbbed when stray droplets of water ran down as he washed his hair; bruising ringed the stitched wound, a swirling mix of blue, purple and green. As much as he hated it, he knew he would have to see Haefen again for some ointment or potion to reduce his pain enough for him to train like normal.

 Fully clothed, Virgil set off down the halls to reach the kitchens; stomach hardly satisfied with his meagre breakfast. As the kitchens neared, the halls were filled with the lingering scent of the mornings bread and fried meat. Pace quickening, Virgil gasped in shock and pain as he rounded the corner and bumped into what appeared to be a woman with greying hair and a simple purple gown.

“Oh dear, pardon me - Virgil?”

Pain faded to the back of his mind as Virgil realised who stood before him.

“Adara!” Instinctively, he pulled them into an embrace; half thankful that they appeared to sense his injury and favoured his right side. “It’s been nearly 4 years. I’ve missed you.”

Leaning back, Adara reached up to caress Virgil’s cheek. “My little boy has grown into a fine young man.” Their hand trailed down to rest on his chest, eyes saddening at Virgil’s instinctive reaction to flinch. “Is it fair to assume Rupert has not gotten kinder in my absence?”

“It’s fine, Adara." He grabbed their hand and gently lowered it, "You needn’t concern yourself over my wellbeing anymore.”

 Despite Virgil’s words fire burned in their eyes. Adara had served in the nursery, assisting the Queen in caring for Roman, and then Virgil when the Queen took him in as well. They shared their chambers with the orphan boy and were just as much of a parental figure as the Queen. Though they were cast out of the castle after confronting the King about Virgil's harsh treatment; making their presence in the city bittersweet.

 "I will never stop caring for my boys. Either of you."

"And it's almost cost you your life." Virgil held them out at arm’s length, concern thick in his voice. "How and why are you even here now? You were banished from the city."

"It's fine, sweetie." The anxious look in his eyes told them he was not convinced. "I snuck one of my young wards in for treatment with Haefen. We'll be out of the city in no time. Trust your old Bibi knows what they are doing."

"Last time I trusted you, I had to watch you leave."

 Silence fell between them and eye contact was lost in favour of the stone floor. Adara knew they could not argue with the truth; they truly had failed Virgil that day and quite possibly made the boy’s situation worse. It was never her intention, but nothing could change it now. The damage had been done.

"I'm sorry; you are right. I should have been more cautious with my words and actions." Looking up, Adara tried to find Virgil's eyes again; easy thanks to his new height. "I swear I will be careful not to make my presence known to the wrong parties. Okay?”

Nodding, Virgil pulled them close for a final hug. “Stay safe.”

“Same goes for you,” A single tear trailed down their cheek, “take care of yourself.”

“I do my best, but you should go.” Stepping back, they each swiped the tears from their faces. “Your window for leaving undetected will be small.”

“Seek me out one day, won’t you? I would love to see both my boys again.”

“Roman should be granted more freedom outside of the city soon. I’m sure we could make a detoured journey one day.”

“I look forward to it. Until then,” Virgil stepped around them, feeling his legs begin to shake from exhaustion and needing to encourage Adara to leave. “I love you, young one.”

“I love you too, Adara.” Thankful he had managed to have his back to his parental figure, Virgil hurried along to reach the kitchens and find food to stop his body from trembling.

 It tore at their heart to head in the opposite direction of Virgil, but Adara knew they had no choice. They had hoped to avoid running into either of their old wards, but the fates had never been kind. Haefen had already warned that King Rupert wasn’t growing kinder with time, but that still hadn’t prepared them. The pain in his eyes. The way his body instinctively tensed before softening. Years of working to gain the boys trust, only to lose him to the abusive King; the equivalent of training a timid rabbit to be brave and then leaving it with a pack of wolves. There was much that Adara regretted in their life but going to the King instead of the Queen was one of their greatest regrets. Things may have been different if that path had been followed.

  ********************

 Logan packed away their medical equipment after ensuring it was completely sanitised. The infirmary was much quieter now the knights had left; their laughing and ridiculous jokes about maiming each other made the young physicians blood boil. Working in the infirmary was the worst part of their day and they much preferred to work with their father. Nothing against the other physicians, they were just as skilled as Haefen, but the space didn’t have the same feel as their home. The general infirmary was an open space with rows of beds and trolleys loaded with rune bandages and pre-prepared potions; while their home was compact and allowed them access to personalised runes and supplies for mixing their own potions. It felt better to work in their own environment, but to be considered more than an apprentice they needed to be observed by people other than their mother and father.

 “Skilful work this morning, Logan.” A tall woman with cropped blond hair walked over; placing their own equipment into the nearby sink to begin rinsing them off. “Your stitching is immaculate, and I honestly have nothing to fault you on today.”

“Thank you, Tate. It was a rather average morning; hardly an opportunity to develop my skills further.” Packing their satchel, Logan was surprised to find Tate frowning at them.

“Until you have experienced the harshness of the field, do not complain about the mundanity of my infirmary. Do we have an understanding?”

 Logan was tempted to comment on the number of broken people they had seen in their home, but they knew it wouldn’t compare to the true nature of field work. Only Haefen’s stories gave them a glimpse into the intensities of working from limited supplies in an unsanitary area.

“My apologies. I didn’t intend for my comments to cause offence.”

“You are still young, Logan-“

“I’m twenty-one.”

“That is young. You are but a toddler in the area of medicine; regardless of how much your parents have taught you. Be thankful for what the fates have given you; for they could take it all away without a moment’s notice. Peace is not to be taken for granted.”

They stifled the urge to roll their eyes, nodding and ducking their head instead. “I understand and I shall be more considerate when I return tomorrow. May I be excused for the day?”

“You may. See you tomorrow, Logan.”

 Leaving the infirmary, Logan sighed and hoped that this wasn’t as peaceful as the city would be. If peace meant people could be beaten without consequence, then they didn’t want it. Stepping outside, the sunlight warmed their face as they headed around the castle to reach their house. Taking the outside route was much more pleasant than using the castles inner halls. The linking inner halls were wonderful during harsh winters but came across as suffocating during the seasons that offered clearer skies. A smile easily spread across their face as they spotted Virgil exiting the castle from the opposite side of the courtyard. They eagerly quickened their pace to intercept him, curious to find out how they had responded to yesterday’s treatments.

 “Good day to you, Virgil.”

Tired eyes looked up at the sound of their voice. “I appreciate your optimism, Logan. You here to cash in your truth?”

“What? No.” They tried to hide the hurt in their voice at Virgil’s accusation. “I just finished work in the infirmary and saw you. I wasn’t seeking you out or anything.”

Sensing their hurt, Virgil felt guilty for making such a judgement against the man who had freely healed him on multiple occasions. “Sorry, Lo. I’m just tired. I didn’t mean to-“

“How much sleep did you have?”

“What? Um, 8 hours, I guess. Look, I -“ Logan stood in front of Virgil and took hold of his wrist to feel his pulse; staring at his pupils’ reactions. “What are you doing?”

“Have you eaten?”

“Obviously. I’m not a-“

“Have you taken any relievers this morning?”

“Not yet, but it’s fine I-“

“Nope. Let’s go.”

Logan wasn’t having any of Virgil’s stubbornness that morning; practically dragging him around to the back of their chambers. It was jarring for Virgil; he had never seen Logan acting so forcefully; but he guessed it had something to do with the fact that his injuries were more serious than a bruised face or fractured wrist.

 Haefen hardly appeared surprised when Logan entered with Virgil in tow.

“Considering the significant lack of blood, am I safe in assuming this is a potion visit?”

“Hey, Haefen.” Virgil took a seat diligently, while Logan started grabbing various jars and vials from the shelf and setting water to boil. “I would answer your question, but I just came along for the ride.”

“Father, can you inspect Virgil's injuries while I craft a reliever for him? I believe he used more magic than we initially predicted.”

Virgil shook his head and rolled his eyes as Haefen grabbed his wrist and stared at him just as Logan had earlier. “I think you are overreacting. I’m just tired and sore. Nothing exactly ground-breaking going on-what is that for?”

The large needle in Logan’s hand had Virgil’s eyes widening, causing Haefen’s face to contort in concern.

“Logan’s correct. Shirt off now, I need to assess some things.”

“You still haven’t explained the needle,” he grumbled; carefully removing his vest and shirt.

“It was to prove a point,” Haefen assured; hardly shocked to see his chest clear and moving to help unwrap his arm. “Though you showed a concerned reaction to the needle, your heart rate remained unnervingly low.”

 In the few hours since he had woken, the gash on Virgil’s arm had healed further. The sutures were beginning to breakdown as his body used the natural magic held within them and they were no longer necessary to secure the wound shut. It still astounded both physicians, regardless of how many times they had witnessed his healing ability.

Logan held a mug out to Virgil, “Drink. The temperature should be balanced enough that it won’t burn you.”

Accepting the mug, Virgil did his best to ignore the discomfort of having Haefen’s hand resting on his chest; soul magic searching for injuries and making his chest tingle and burn. Raising the mug to his lips, he was expecting the warm concoction to be bitter and earthy like everything else Logan had mixed before; instead his tastebuds were overwhelmed with a confusing mix of spice and sweetness that had his chest convulsing in coughs.

“Woah,” Haefen took the mug from Virgil’s hand before any of the liquid could spill. “Take it easy.”

Logan sniggered before quickly jabbing Virgil’s arm with a small needle.

“Wha-da-f-k?” He finally managed to gasp out, frustrated by the grins that were now on both physicians faces.

“I know you don’t like needles, so I thought a distraction was necessary. Was it effective?”

“No!” Leaning back heavily against the chair, Virgil felt like his chest had been pierced by one of his flaming arrows. “I feel worse now than before you dragged me here.”

Haefen pulled out a familiar vial of blue, which Virgil accepted gratefully. “I am satisfied this process will restore your natural heart rhythm. Though I would advise you against any crafting or magic practice today. Logan’s assessment was correct, your soul magic is what caused your unusual rhythm. To be frank, most people I have come across with that little magic are unconscious.”

“Shall we add that to the list of reasons why I’m not normal?” Virgil was glad to feel the burning subside as the normal potion seemed to work its way through his system. “By the way, was there any benefit to that first potion or were you just messing with me?”

Logan’s face was serious as they wrapped a fresh bandage around his arm.

“Everything I do has a benefit, Virgil. Not only did that brew act as a distraction, it also encouraged the production of soul magic and included a herb combination that will either improve your energy levels or…” Both Virgil and Haefen raised their eyebrows expectantly as Logan secured the bandage in place and stood to wash their hands. “You could…potentially… respond to it like a mild sedative.”

“What do you mean potentially?” Virgil stood and followed Logan to the sink, ignoring the way his body swayed slightly as he stood beside them. “How can herbs have two vastly different effects?”

“The body is a very complex system and we have already established that you don’t respond to situations as we would expect.”

“I can’t be sedated. I’m meeting Roman at-t noo-“

All sense of space left Virgil as his mouth failed to cooperate and his eye lids grew heavy; swaying dangerously as his body numbed. Sighing, Logan pulled his arm over their shoulder and led him to a bed; carefully guiding him to lay down.

 “I shall make a note that Virgil is among the 3% who react to the Dye-Smith combination negatively.” Logan turned to look at their father, a hint of fear in their eyes. “How angry do you think he will be when he wakes up?”

A comforting hand rested on their shoulder. “I would suggest you go out collecting after completing your chores.”

“I concur.”

   ********************

  Roman was glad to finally be pardoned from the meeting room as the sun reached its midpoint; mind already forgetting half of what had just been discussed about relations with Pixma and Xican. The only thing he took away from the morning was that he was finally granted permission outside the city unaccompanied; meaning he and Virgil could ride without having a group of knights trailing behind them. Others took note of the obvious spring in the Prince’s step as he headed towards the spell crafting area; quickly moving out of his path and smiling supportively.

 The crafting area was a visual wonder, a stone wall built around a large tree with a low, umbrella canopy forming a roof. Crafting runes required natural magic, pulled from the earth and fused with materials using soul magic. While natural magic was present in all places, it was easier to access at a focused location known as a source point; the crafting tree being one such point in the city.

Roman barely acknowledged the waiting patrons as he strolled passed, only registering that none of them were Virgil before continuing to head straight into the space. Faces dropped after Roman passed them, knowing they would have to wait even longer for their needs to be met with the Prince’s presence.

 Squeezing his eyes shut as he was allowed through the main door, Roman blindly stepped through a black curtain before slowly reopening his eyes and allowing them to adjust to the new light. The crafting area of the inner wall was the largest source point in the area, with plentiful space for multiple crafters to be set up with their individual crafting crystals around the tree and small pond. Bioluminescent fungus and moss filled the area with a soft rainbow hue, while fireflies and glowing moths danced through the air and distracted his sight as he searched for Virgil.

 A short, old man carefully stepped past the Prince as he finished with one of the furthest crafters; a round faced woman with wavy, brown hair that rested on the ground where she sat. Heart sinking slightly as he realised Virgil wasn’t there, Roman advanced to sit in the newly vacant position.

“Pleasure to see you, Vivian.” He beamed, trying to hide his true sadness.

“Honour to be of service, my Prince.” Vivian lowered a reed pen into the water; tiny glowing fish swarmed the pen to clean it of ink and magic. “I’m assuming we are touching up your current runes?”

 Though he nodded, in truth, Roman had hoped to craft teleportation runes in anticipation for his first unsupervised missions. Unfortunately, he relied heavily on Virgil’s assistance when it came to runes and without him, he couldn’t possibly visualise the rune he needed; and he wasn’t about to admit his inabilities to Vivian. Thankfully, repowering current runes meant he had the rune already available and visualisation was simple.

Retrieving his belt, sash and wrist guards from his satchel, Vivian dried her hands and pen before dusting  off the crystal slab and inspecting the runes they would be making.

“Seems you have gotten good ware from these runes, your highness. It shows exceptional control on your behalf.”

“Thank you, Vivian.” Roman glanced around the space again, the beauty having no calming effect as he wondered where Virgil was.

“Is there a problem, Prince Roman?” Worry caused Vivian’s brow to crease as one of the guards eyed their area at the sight of the Prince’s discomfort.

“My apologies, I was expecting to meet Virgil and I guess I’m a little distracted by his absence.”

“Oh,” relief filled Vivian’s chest as she realised Roman’s issue had nothing to do with her. “I’m sure he isn’t too far away. These runes should take no time at all to strengthen and you can be on your way. Let’s start with the collection on your belt.”

 Trusting their word, Roman adjusted his sitting position and placed one hand on the crystal while the other hovered above the reed pen in Vivian’s hand. The crystal began to glow a soft green as Vivian pulled natural magic up from the earth; eyes closed, and mind focused on the purpose of the runes she had to write. Simultaneously, Roman pushed his soul magic forward, warming his hand as he channelled it into the reed pen in a soft yellow stream. Moving his magic was easy but focusing on the rune shapes was a challenge for the Prince; the pen in Vivian’s hand moving slowly as their magic and visions combined to form each rune. After the golden letters were formed, Vivian placed the belt on the crystal and the golden runes shifted, slotting into place on the belt with a flash before dulling to black.

Roman let out a quiet sigh, glad to see that the runes matched perfectly and hadn’t failed.

 “Shall we move onto your sash?” Vivian questioned, noticing the slight shift in the prince’s demeanour.

Nodding, Roman prepared for the next set of runes; hoping Virgil would arrive before the session was over.

  ********************

 Screams filled the darkness and Virgil felt nothing but fear. He had no idea who the screams belonged to, where they were coming from or why they made him feel so sad and alone. No matter how many times he dreamt about them, he couldn't remember anything about them. The darkness shifted and a knew memory filled his mind.

  Useless outsider!

 Strong hands pushed the teenage Virgil to the ground.

  Don’t you dare cry in my presence!

 A callused hand scraped across a slightly older face with such force that his body crumbled to the ground.

  Remember your place!

 Staring in a mirror with blood running from his nose, Virgil squeezed his watering eyes shut to escape the image only to open them and see King Rupert’s boots in front of his kneeling form.

  If you can’t do your job properly…

 A leather boot met his face and his body was instantly knocked backwards. When his eyes opened a stone weight was held over his chest.

  … don’t bother living.

 Reliving the pain of having the weight dropped on his chest was unbearable and Virgil found himself crying out as he jolted back into consciousness. Heart pounding in his ears and whole-body trembling, it took him a moment to realise the pain was only a phantom memory and the discomfort in his chest was from his rapid breathing.

“Are you okay, kiddo?”

Haefen was quite shaken from his patient’s sudden outburst, but the only answer he received was a mumbled “Roman” as Virgil was on his feet and heading out the door. By the time he poked his own head out the back door, the young man was already running towards the crafting area.

  Nightmarish memories were nothing new for Virgil; the main reason he worked himself into exhaustion was to avoid having them at all.

  The only reason I haven't locked you up is because you serve a purpose to my son. If you can’t do your job, don’t bother living.

 King Rupert’s words seemed to reverberate in his mind, only quieting as the crafting area came into view. The guards at the door caught sight of Virgil's rapidly approaching form and shared a knowing grin; preparing themselves for him to ask permission to enter and they could have some fun tormenting him. Their games didn't come to fruition as they were left stunned when he didn't even acknowledge their presence; pushing straight past them to enter the crafting area. A few waiting patrons turned away to hide their grins as the guards looked behind them as the doors swung closed; questioning each other on whether they should actually follow him or not.

  Roman sighed in relief when he saw Virgil approaching just as Vivian finished packing up his satchel. Concern quickly took its place as he registered the vacant look in his friends tear rimmed eyes; breathing more laboured than it should have been, even if he had just run from his chambers.

"Virgil? What's wrong?" Roman was on his feet; ignoring the stares around him as he grabbed onto Virgil's shoulders to try and steady him.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Virgil shook his head and tried to compose himself as he suddenly became aware of the watching eyes. "no-nothing...jus-. Late...sorry."

He tried to continue forward towards Vivian, but Roman's grip didn't loosen and even without eye contact, Virgil knew the Prince's eyes were assessing him with concern.

"We're leaving."

"Wha- no."

Tears threatened to spill from Virgil's tired eyes as Roman let go to grab his satchel from Vivian's outstretched hand; his skin felt ice cold without the touch and his hands started to shake. Fists clenching in frustration, Virgil was about to argue when Roman grabbed hold of his right hand and started to pull him out of the crafting area.

  When the Prince gives you an instruction, you follow it! Do I make myself perfectly clear?

 Virgil hated the fact that Rupert's voice entered his mind again in that moment. He was torn between allowing Roman to lead him away or forcing him to stay and continue crafting. Logically they should have stayed and crafted, but his heart screamed for solitude with Roman. Technically it was Roman's wish to leave; he only hoped all onlookers would see it that way as well, and not that Virgil had distracted the Prince from his duties.  Feet moving diligently, the pair were soon moving quickly through the inner city and towards the Queen's gardens.

  Filthy outsider. You are nothing but a useless farm boy the Queen took pity on. Nothing more.

   Roman may have been ignorant of many things, but he had seen that vacant look in Virgil's eyes too many times to ignore it. As they reached the back of his mother’s garden that disguised the inner wall, Roman carefully parted a manicured bush and encouraged Virgil to continue past him to the secluded hideaway they had made as children. The bushes came back together seamlessly and Roman had hold of his friends trembling hand again as they walked around the back of a massive old oak stump; hollowed and coated in moss and vines.

 Safe from prying eyes, Virgil allowed himself to relax; body shaking with sobs as he finally allowed his held tears to fall and Roman pulled him close. Fists pushed briefly at Roman’s chest, before Virgil accepted the hold; head resting on his shoulder as he let his hidden emotions rise back to the surface.

"I've got you, Virge," Roman whispered, slowly guiding them down to sit on his lap in the hollowed oak. "You're safe with me."

 Virgil knew Roman believed his words. He truly thought that he was safe with him. In the past, those words were a form of comfort from Adara, Queen Alexandra and Roman. Back then, his nightmares were only from the lost memories of his past and the battle he had been saved from. It had become almost routine for Roman to sneak into Virgil's bed to comfort him when he woke gasping and sobbing uncontrollably when their carers weren't nearby. Even after he left the nursery to live with Adara and then on his own, Virgil never spent long alone following a nightmare. Roman almost had a sixth sense for when his friend needed him, and many evenings he would wake to find the Prince appearing in the doorway and ready to comfort him. Virgil craved that comfort and feeling of safety when his lost memories hit; but when King Rupert was involved, he only felt more guilty sitting in Roman's arms. Lying to his friend was harder in these moments of weakness. He wanted to be honest with him but the light in Roman was too precious to lose, so he remained clinging to the white fabric of his friend’s clothes; mind in a state of emotional turmoil.

   ********************

 The forest outside of the city was bursting with colour and a sense of life as Logan left the common trails in search of herbs. Their usual slim glasses replaced with large squares of glass with wooden frames; black cloak shielding them from the light shower that had blessed the area with a fresh earthy scent. Eyes scanned the ground and tree trunks for any signs of useful plants or blooms that could be collected and tested.

 Screwing the lid on a sample jar, Logan inspected the cuttings they had placed inside; curious about the blue colouring that had appeared on a normally white flower. The shifting of undergrowth caught their attention and they turned to spot a grey deer with blue runes marking its face.

"Hello, Spirit, my old friend," Logan smiled; slipping the jar into the satchel and calmly approaching the deer.

The creature showed no fear as they approach, stepping closer to meet the human halfway; lowering its head to allow Logan to begin scratching behind its ears the moment they were close enough.

"I feared your safety after such a long absence," blue animal eyes blinked at Logan; head tilting slightly in apology. "I am glad to see you appear safe. May I inspect your health?"

Bowing its head in agreeance, Spirit allowed them to walk around and inspect their body; pausing at a small cut on their hind leg.

"It appears you have been in a bit of a scrape." They wasted no time in retrieving a premade ointment and rune cloth from their satchel. "Won't be a moment."

 Healing animals wasn't a conventional use of healing magic, but Logan enjoyed working with the deer. They had met Spirit years prior when they found them with an arrow stuck in their shoulder; spending hours with them before finally being able to heal the wound. Ever since, Logan had come across the animal regularly when they were out collecting for their father. The runes on Spirit's face a clear sign of their status as a spirit animal and translated to ice or snow. Logan was fascinated and excited by the relationship they had formed over the years; they couldn't understand why such an honourable creature would be interested in them, but savoured it nonetheless.

 "There you go, Spirit," Logan stood and admired the healed leg, "Not even a mark." Spirit turned and nuzzled Logan's chest, almost knocking them over with the force of their affection.

"Take it easy," a laugh effortlessly escaped them as they wrapped their arms around the creature’s neck and snuggled the soft fur with their cheek. "It is my pleasure to serve you."

Stepping away, Spirit looked around before bounding over to a patch of green ground cover; eyes glowing with blue, natural runes as they bowed their head to touch the patch with the tip of their nose. A grin spread across Logan's face as they watched frost coat the plant and golden buds grew and bloomed before their eyes.

"Frost lilies!"

As Spirit stepped back, Logan knelt and quickly collected the flowers in a sample jar. After the jar lid was secured, Spirit lent forward again and froze the jar with a tap of their nose.

"These will be most valuable for my father and I," Logan scratched the deer behind its ear as they stood. "Thank you very much for this gift. These will be invaluable in crafting my new treatment for internal injuries and muscular bruising."

They had been working on new remedies for a while, and with King Rupert's increased aggression they feared they would be testing it sooner rather than later.

Logan looked sadly at the deer as they spoke, "Virgil may be in need of more support than magic alone. I worry about him, Spirit." The deer moved closer; eyes just as sad as Logan's. "I fear I may not find him in time one day."

 Wind rushed through the area and Logan shielded their eyes as leaves and dust blew past their face. When their eyes opened, they were shocked to see tears slip from the deer's eyes; slightly frosted and shimmering like small jewels.

"Spirit?" Logan gently swiped the tears from the creature’s eyes; heart aching at the pure sadness they saw within them. "Your empathy will never cease to amaze me, my friend. You do not know Virgil and yet you cry for him. Perhaps you could meet him one day. I'm sure Virgil would appreciate you as much as I do."

Another tear slipped from the deer's eye and Logan quickly brushed it away before Spirit started backing away from their touch.

"I assume it is time for you to be on your way. I hope to see you with happier news soon."

Spirit bowed their head once more before sprinting back into the depths of the forest, leaving Logan alone once more. The satchel was cold against their leg as the frozen sample jar chilled the leather, making them aware of the passing of time as they continued to watch the horizon where Spirit had vanished. They always felt lost after the spirit animal left; like a piece of them was taken by the creature every time. It wasn't until the howl of wolves echoed through the trees that they found their feet again and started to make their way back towards the main track for the city.

______________________________

Next Chapter 

End Note

Also, I really hope you liked the art and please don’t forget to check out @fanartfunart and give them some love for the lovely art of Patton and Remy. They do amazing artwork and stories of their own. Well worth taking a scroll down through their Tumblr page 😊 

I really can’t give a timeline on when the next chapter will be done. I need to get some less angsty ideas to fill in a bit of a gap I have in the story and I don’t really have anyone to bounce ideas off sooooo gotta wait for inspiration to hit me in the face. 

Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you have a lovely time zone 💜🐌

New characters appeared!

Patton ‘Bow’ Finn: he|him pronouns; eldest son of Mia and Larsen Finn; father disappeared after youngest brother was born; took on the father figure role for his brothers; works on the family farm and helps a local baker for extra gold; skilled archer and basic healer (using only herbs and not magic); always carries his archery gear around ‘just in case’; decorated his quiver with a crest to represent his brothers. 

Remy ‘Arrow’ Finn: he|him pronouns; middle child (three year gap between both his siblings); is short for his age; makes braided bracelets and sells them at the market; helps Patton as much as he is able; hasn’t been able to master archery at all; keeps a length of fabric tied around his middle and uses it to cover his eyes for ideal daytime napping in the forest; is jealous of how much attention Patton gives Quiver now he is older. 

______________________________

What else has Snail done?

The Perfect Ring (oneshot -analogical proposal)

You Promised (oneshot - prinxiety angst/injury/near death)

Sides of a Hero (Completed Fic - sides are fusions of impulses and aspects of Thomas. Virgil has a depressing past that he is forced to face thanks to Deceit and Rage. Was canon compliant at the time of completion)

Libraries are for Meetings (ongoing WIP - Human/University au with Royality and developing Analogical. Slow burn and heavily focused on a grieving group of friends that Virgil slowly becomes a part of to better himself.)

Check out my other blog for random fandom reblogs and stuff @snail-giggles . Always happy to interact and chat on that blog too 💜🐌

[stormielikeweather]

Step Into Love Ch 5

AN: I wrote the end of this chapter a few times before getting it to where it works, I think. Hope yall like it.

NSFW

Chapter 5: Don’t rock the ferris wheel

--->chapter 4

It was the last day of the Spring Break carnival in town. Usually it was just Kagome and Souta. Two peas from one pod hanging out. This year things had changed. Not only was their mother with another pod, but that pod also had peas. Suddenly two peas going to the carnival had turned into four.

Kagome fidgeted with her bracelet as they entered the crowded space. Her eyes kept glancing to and from Sesshomaru as she tried to calm her hammering heart.

She couldn't look him in the eye after watching him the night before.

Every time she looked at him, the image of him naked and dripping wet plagued her mind. His hair was tied up in his go to messy bun leaving the line of his neck exposed for impractical fantasies.  

“We’ll be fine Kagome!” Souta whined at her.

Wincing at the prospect of being stuck with the sex demon, Sesshomaru, she shook her head, “We always go on rides together. You’re too little for me to just let you run off on your own.”

Sesshomaru’s brow rose, “Two pre teen boys should be okay by themselves for an hour or so. You have your cell phones?”

Two sets of eyes looked up at him hope filled, “Yes!”

Suddenly he wasn’t just the hottest of the four peas, but also the coolest. “Do not get into trouble.”

“We won’t!” They were already running away.

Kagome pressed her lips together, there went her buffers.

The boys disappeared into the throng of carnival goers leaving Kagome and Sesshomaru completely alone.

Fiddling with the edge of her skirt, she let the awkward air between them rise. She couldn’t stop picturing him in the shower. Looking him at him at all was the hardest thing. What if he knew? What if he could tell?

Her face felt eternally on fire.

His deep voice did inappropriate things to her thoughts. "Didn't you want to ride this?"

Blue eyes snapped up at Amber and quickly looked away. Her face flushed. He couldn't know she had spied on him in the shower, so he couldn't mean...well him. Though... Her mind threw into the ring the feeling of that particular activity. "W-what?" She stumbled over her words.

Kagome was acting strange. Stranger than usual.

The attraction between them the first day they'd met had been ambushed by the sibling situation. Sesshomaru was over it. What happened to the clumsy girl that slept on his, a stranger's, lap? She’d gone meek. He grabbed her shoulders and pointed her at the ride, "The ferris wheel, you were talking about it in the car."

"Ooh!" She tried to laugh it off, but he didn't miss the way she shied out of his touch. "Right, that is my favorite, but..." She bit her lip.

"What? You don't want to ride it alone?" Had she expected him to not ride with her? "Let's go together."

That hadn’t been what she meant. In close quarters with him... she wasn’t sure her nerves could bear it. Under normal circumstances, it’d be perfectly fine, romantic even, but he was her brother, not some other guy she thought was sex on legs. Jumping him would lead to consequences she wasn't ready to face. What would their parents think? How could she bring him home, when his home was her home?

He captured her hand and pulled her forward. The small gasp, endearing.

His fingers were warm, their palms pressed together.

Her face was red the entire time they stood in line. Holding hands. With sex on legs. Her step brother. She pouted.

"People will think you have a fever and not let you on." His breath skated over her ear and ignited every nerve in her body. Her face grew even redder.

"Sesshomaru..." She let go of his hand and clapped her palms over her face, staring up at him. "You could at least pretend not to notice."

"Why would I want to?" He leaned close again, "It's not like you're my sister or anything."

Zap. Her spine tingled at the prospect of giving in. Her nerves. They further frayed.

She slapped his hand away as he tried to grab hers again, "We are...sort of."

"Are we?" He winked.

“Yes!” She hissed.

The conversation was over as the ride operator looked them over.

"Two?"

They nodded.

"Couples have to ride four to a cabin. If you have a problem with it, you don't have to ride."

"Uh," Kagome flushed, "We aren’t a couple,” she stuck her thumb out at him, “he’s my brother."

The operator squinted at them, and rolled his eyes, “You’re siblings, sure. There’s obviously some very unsilbing-like tension going on here.” He looked at Sesshomaru, “Why don’t you take your sister, and get on the ride with this other couple.”

“Of course,” Sesshomaru laughed. Kagome huffed.

As they climbed into the rocking cabin, it was clear their riding companions were less than happy about sharing a cabin.

"Oh, thank God!" The girl gushed, sitting in her lover's lap, "We were worried we'd be sitting with children or something!"

The guy smirked, pulling her gaze back to his hungry one, "I expect this to go farther than PG-13." His already-up-her-skirt fingers proved that from the get go.

She kissed him with more tongue than seemed humanly possible and giggled, "You guys can watch, or do your own thing, we don't care, do we?"

The guy looked directly at them, "I'd actually prefer it if you watch, but do as you please."

Kagome looked up at Sesshomaru, and cringed. "Is it too late to get off?"

"You're kidding!" He grinned, eyes lighting up the way they had when she watched him studying, "this is a prime opportunity to observe without having to do any work, not to mention it’s hard to get funding for studies involving sex." The ride's music erupted, and the cabin lurched.

The live porn performance began. Closing her eyes did nothing to block out the sounds, which were loud, wet, and full of more demands of “fuck me” and “god, you’re so hot” than any real porn she’d ever seen.

Kagome clenched her legs together and clung to the fabric of her skirt as the other girl's rode up above her waist, leaving nothing to the imagination.

Large hands dug into her soft ass as he thrust into her from below.

The pair switched positions and the cabin rocked so hard Kagome was thrown up and to the side.

Saved by the step brother of her desire, she couldn't look away from the gaze he'd settled her with. "Are you okay?"

Nope. Never again after this. She hadn't realized how wet she'd gotten before straddling his waist. Mortification settled in. It’d been too long since the last she’d gotten laid if this ‘show’ could get her so wanton. Though to be fair, she'd already been pretty wet just thinking about him throughout the day.

She swallowed hard as her heart threatened to crawl its way up her throat and do a song and dance number professing her attraction to her super hot, super attentive, step brother.

With care, he helped her shift to a sitting position with her legs closed. He kept her close with one hand clutching the outside of her thigh. “I didn’t realize you’d be so uncomfortable.”

“Well,” She bit her lip and winced, “Normally it’d be pretty funny. But... not watching it with my brother.”

With a sigh, Sesshomaru pulled her hands off his shoulders and placed them into her lap, he looked a bit sad as he muttered, “I’m looking forward to the day you decide to quit ignoring chemistry.” Not giving her time to reply,  he glared daggers at the couple on the other side, and kicked the guy hard in the shin, “Knock it off. Both of you are lacking in the attributes necessary for voyeurism to be pleasant and this is pointless without written data.”

“Hey!” The girl shrieked.

Her boyfriend just chuckled, pulling out of his partner with his heavy dick sagging. “I’ll kick your ass, douchebag!”

Kagome’s eyes immediately drew to the red bumpy rash crawling up from his wild pubic hair, her laugh was explosive, “You have herpes!”

The shrill outcry of his girlfriend only made Kagome laugh harder. “What the hell, Hiten!? You said that was just an allergy!”

“Wha...yeah! It is!” His dick was still out, only now it’d grown soft. A grower not a show-er. “I’m telling you baby, it’s just a rash! I mean an allergy!”

She couldn’t see, she was laughing so hard. Sides hurt. Eyes teared.

The entertainment had improved.

As the cabin lurched to a stop, the girl shoved her boyfriend out of the cabin, shouting as he tried to get his pants up over an also rashy ass.

“Stay here.” Sesshomaru gently kept Kagome from exiting the cabin as he spoke with the operator. “Trying to sully the innocence of my little sister will get you nothing but unemployment and your name on the sex offender registry.”

“Wha!” The guy’s face went sheet white, “How could I know what they were going to do?!”

Sesshomaru hissed, “You had enough of an idea to put couples four to a cabin. Now, my sister would like to enjoy riding this ferris wheel without the STD peep show, and you are going to allow us to ride it alone.”

He nodded, the controller in his hand trembling, “T-that sounds reasonable.”

“Much more so than your other options.”

“Y-yes.”

Sesshomaru slammed the door shut and reached over to secure the lock. He shot the man one last glare. “Make it a nice relaxing ride with plenty of view from the top.”

Nodding over and over again, his hands shook as he forced the cabin to move on down the line.

Still wiping tears from her eyes, Kagome smiled up at him, “Thanks, Sesshomaru.”

He patted her head, messing her hair, as he took the seat beside her and looked out the window, “Anything for you, little sister.”

Her face flushed, heat pooling low in her belly. The memory of that same hand stroking his cock in the shower burned. After he’d gone through the trouble of getting them a cabin alone, she couldn’t keep her mind out of the gutter.

Heat radiated from his side as she leaned close to look out her side of the window.

The city looked small from so high up.

Wind picked up, gently rocking them. His large hand on her back felt steadying and a little racy thanks to her overactive imagination. She couldn’t keep her eyes on the view below, her gaze moving to the face of her step brother. He looked even more attractive with a slight smile on his face. Sunlight warmed his peaceful expression.

A side glance of deep amber made her breath catch, “Keep looking at me, and I will get the wrong idea.”

Or the right one. Which was so very wrong. Her blush deepened, and she looked back at the tiny houses down below. “You’re a great big brother.” It sounded so wrong as she said it. Her stomach turned. Why did she say that? Masochism. It was obviously masochism.

Suddenly fingers caught her chin, forcing her to look up into his captivating face, “I will never be your brother.” She could feel his breath on her lips. Her mind mulled over how it’d feel to have him kiss her right there in the cabin, “I’ll be a good friend until you are ready to forget extraneous details.” With that, he tapped her nose and pulled out his cell phone. "Kagome, smile.”

Her face was still flushed when the camera flashed, “Ahh! Y-you can’t keep that one!”

“Ah, ah, ah!” He held his phone out of her reach, “This one is mine, take your own.”

She tried to climb up him to get his phone, but he easily pushed her back down onto the seat, “Sesshomaru! You can’t keep that one! I’m not even smiling! I look like a blushing deer!”

He laughed, “But a cute one, I’m keeping it. Take your own if you don’t like it.”

“Fine!” She angrily pulled her phone from her purse and did the only thing she could think of to get him unsettled. As soon as the flash went off, she kissed his warm cheek. “Now who’s a deer in the headlights!” She grinned at the perfect picture on her phone.”

“How is that not going to give me the wrong idea?” He looked even cuter while cross. With his arms over his chest, and his slight frown.

Kagome blushed and shrugged, “You said we are friends. Besides, sisters' kiss family member’s cheeks all the time.” Not that her body and imagination were not also getting the wrong idea. Hindsight, she shouldn’t have.

“Oh, really?” The predatory glint in his eyes had her nervous.

Suddenly his hands caught her face, and he kissed her cheek in return, warmth lingering. Her face felt hot as he pulled away just enough to look her in the eyes.

“That is just fine?” He let their noses brush as his insightful gaze stunned, "Be honest."

Her cheeks puffed, and she looked away. Out the window the world slowly turned as if she wasn't one inch away from kissing her own step brother. There would be no admitting to defeat now. She licked her lips and swallowed hard, “O-of course it's fine. Why  wouldn't it be?”

He answered the only way he could think of by kissing the other side of her face too. Not once, but twice. His firm lips caressing her smooth face.

It took a minute for her to pull away, “S-sesshomaru!”

"Are there cheek kissing rules I should be following?" Hot breath eased over her skin and she closed her eyes.

She had said it was fine, but his hand cupping her face and the way his lips plucked her flesh, the scent of coffee and everything that made him him, she felt ready to run away.

"Oh, look!" He gave her some space, pointing out the window at a familiar set of boys down below. "It looks like Inuyasha and Souta are competing in the ramen eating contest.

Kagome winced, "Why would they do that?

Then she noticed all the girls gathered around them.

They looked at each other and laughed, "Girls."

Exiting the ferris wheel, they made their way through the crowds to the eating contest. Piles of empty packages were strewn around each contestant. Inuyasha looked the most likely to win. Souta had sweat dripping down his chin, and his face had the same expression on it that always meant one thing... suddenly he doubled over and spilled.

"Poor Souta!" She hadn't realized she'd been ringing her hands until Sesshomaru's fingers curled around them, catching one hand to bring to his side. He gave her a reassuring squeeze as Souta popped back up, wiping his mouth. He'd lost, but he was smiling.

Glancing over at Sesshomaru, she blushed as their eyes met. The warmth of his hand around her own felt safe. The way he smiled at her made her want to be wrapped up in the security of his arms. Everything felt safe tucked against his chest.

Her feet shifted, and she leaned against his shoulder, her eyes back on the contest.

There were three other contestants left, four including Inuyasha.

He had slowed considerably, but so had the others.

“Keep going, Inuyasha.”

Kagome glanced up at Sesshomaru. He hadn’t exactly cheered, in fact she was pretty sure Inuyasha couldn’t hear his brother at all over the crowd. She pressed her lips together to keep from laughing.

She hadn’t realized they had such a strange relationship, but suddenly it made sense. Sesshomaru never played with the boys, for most of the break he’d been trapped in his room with his research paper, and once done with that his nose had been stuck in medical journals. He wasn’t one to bring attention to himself, though it was kind of unavoidable with his looks, but the fact that he wanted to encourage Inuyasha melted her heart.

He was a good big brother...

Giving his hand a squeeze, she stood up on her tippee toes and cupped her mouth with her free hand, shouting, “You can do it Inuyasha! Don’t give up!”

She watched as their little brother looked around, unable to spot them.

“Come here.” Suddenly Sesshomaru’s large hands grabbed her up and the ground left her feet.

“S-sesshomaru!” She grabbed at his arms to keep from falling as he placed her on his shoulders. She clung to him, her face completely flushed. If he were facing the other way his face would have been right between her legs. “D-don’t drop me!” Her voice wavered, she couldn’t help it. Between her nervousness about their proximity and the stress of being so high up, wearing a short skirt, she had a hard time keeping her cool.

Warm hands held her legs in place. Sesshomaru scoffed, “How many times must I tell you? I am not so weak as to drop you.”

He had said that before, but it didn’t matter. “W-well, I’m not a child, you can’t just grab me like that!” She scowled.

“I am well aware that you are not a child Kagome.” His fingers slipped upward, and she slapped his hands. “Are you going to cheer for Inuyasha, or not?”

She glared at the top of his head, “Fine.” Taking a breath, she yelled out again, “You can do it Inuyasha!”

Inuyasha’s eyes brightened as he spotted them in the crowd. He perked up immediately, waved, and continued to gobble down ramen.

Souta was still sitting at his place beside Inuyasha, also cheering him on.

When the timer rang, their little brother was sitting amongst a pile of empty containers twice the size of the other contestants.

The messy haired boy opened his mouth to show every last bite had been swallowed.

Overwhelmed by the excitement of the crowd, Kagome let go of her fist full of Sesshomaru’s shirt and sat straight up, clapping, “Way to go, Inuyasha!” She waved her hands in the hair as they pulled out the giant golden ramen cup trophy, a flower wreath, and t-shirt. Camera lights lit up the stage. “Yay! Inuyasha! Woo!”

Suddenly her shoulder was bumped forward, she captured Sesshomaru around the neck instinctively before looking over her shoulder. It’d been a girl who looked to be the same one from the ferris wheel but on a different guy’s shoulders. What a jerk.

“Are you alright?” Sesshomaru’s eyes searched her face. They were so close, nose to nose.

She felt herself leaning forward. The undeniable heat between them faded out the world. Heart pounding, her fingers curled against his collar bone. Lips parted, eyes closed.

Before they could kiss, the girl bumped into them again, and Kagome let her senses come back to her. She pulled away, “Yeah I’m fine, can you help me down?”

Long fingers ran up her bare legs as he helped her back down to Earth. “T-thanks...” She muttered before running toward the stage, “I’m going to go congratulate Inuyasha!”

Sesshomaru watched her run away. The warmth of her body pressed so close haunted his skin. He ran his fingers through the loose strands of his bangs that had fallen. Kagome unsettled him in the most uncomfortable of ways. It was as if his confidence dwindled every time they grew closer. Feelings he couldn’t pinpoint nagged at his chest.

After retying his hair, he met the rest of his siblings. They were all smiles. “Congratulations on your victory Inuyasha.”

“Thanks, Sesshomaru!” He gushed, “Check out this huge trophy they gave me! And look!” He held up a shirt that said ‘Noodle Star’, “I got a shirt too!”

Both Sesshomaru and Kagome laughed at the same time. Their eyes caught, and he noticed she was still blushing the same shade she had been when she’d pulled away from him. She tried to hide her smile, but he saw it.

Taking both her younger brother’s hands, she led them toward the food trucks, “Let’s get some victory taiyaki!”

Inuyasha groaned, while Souta cheered.

Kagome glanced back at Sesshomaru. He had yet to move, “You’re coming, right?”

Her smile radiated. Part of him wanted to go back to the first time he saw her through the library window. Observing her from afar. No one had ever made him feel anxious, and yet here she was stirring his nerves. The urge to watch her interact with the world felt unnerving. He had no inclination of treating their relationship as a case study, he wanted her.

As he followed, he caught the way her eyes gleamed before she turned her head.

Warmth met her spine, as Sesshomaru leaned over her to pay the vendor for their treats.

Souta took his custard filled one, "Thanks bro!"

Inuyasha sipped on water, looking a bit green from all the ramen.

"Thank you, Sesshomaru." She looked at her azuki paste filled fish pastry instead of at his face, though before she could take a bite, Sesshomaru held his sweet potato filled one up to her mouth.

"Try it."

"Are you sure?" Sure she'd never stop blushing, at his insistence, she took a bite of the fish and groaned. "Oh! Mmm" she caught a drop of the filling and licked it off her finger, "That's amazing!"

He ran his tongue over the open bite, cleaning up the excess. "Sweet potato is the best."

"I don't​ think so." She grinned, holding out her taiyaki, "Take a bite."

As his teeth bit into the fish's face, the sweet bean paste exploded with flavor, "Mmm, Kagome." He took a second bite, "You may be right."

"Hey!" She pulled her snack out of his hand, "You should buy another one if you like it so much."

With a grin, he leaned down and took a bite of the fish's tail just as she took a bite where he'd bitten it's head. She blushed, but didn't pull back, even as his long fingers wrapped around her cold palm. Eyes so warm and full of promise saw right through to her soul. She couldn’t taste her food as she stared back into those amber depths.

Inuyasha and Souta eyed them with raised brows. “You guys are weird.”

Kagome jumped backward, tripping over a bench. The tiny bit that had been left of her taiyaki flew up into the air, “Noooo!” Sesshomaru caught it in his mouth. His warm hand kept her from falling, but She watched in horror as he ate the very last bite.

“Woah!” Souta gasped, “That was awesome!”

Inuyasha shrugged, “Not as awesome as my trophy, but yeah, it was cool.”

As soon as the boys were looking away, Kagome stomped Sesshomaru’s foot.

“What?” His innocent act didn’t fool her.

Glaring, she peeled his hand and arm off her side, “You know what you were doing!” Her arms crossed over her chest, a pout on her lips, “And, you ate my taiyaki!”

“Better than it hitting the ground,” He ate the last bit of his sweet potato fish cake and grabbed her hand. “Come here, I’ll buy you another one.”

Happily, she took the fish from the vendor and grinned up at Sesshomaru as she took a bite. “Thanks.”

“Hn.” Her eyes grew wide as he turned his cheek and tapped the smooth skin.

Kagome blushed, but laughed, “You can’t buy my affection with bean paste.”

Scratching the back of his neck, he smirked, “It was worth a try.”

“Sure,” His hand felt warm against her own, and she swung their twined fingers as they walked behind the boys. Friends could hold hands. The fact that they weren't technically romantically involved, and a relationship wouldn't be appropriate, did nothing to prevent the giddy butterflies welling up inside.

Sesshomaru caught her sideline glance. She hid her smile with another bite of taiyaki. Not even the darkness of the night could dampen the gleam in her blue eyes. He walked a little closer, wanting the distance between them erased, but settling for the softness of her fingers.

--->Chapter 6<---

[caitbalfes]

He Who Waits for Something Good (5/?)

Jamie & Claire | Modern AU | At forty-five, Jamie fears he will never meet someone that measures up to the woman of his dreams. (AO3)

I just want to say thank you for all the lovely comments I’ve received ♥ It makes me so happy that there are people enjoying this story!

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write this chapter . . . it was definitely the hardest chapter to write and I’m still not so pleased with it, but I really want to move this story along.

(For anyone waiting for a Grey Waters update – it’s coming. I still don’t know when, but I haven’t forgotten it.)

I. Woman of His Dreams • II. Fragments of Memory • III. Dreams of Old • IV. Eye of the Hurricane

V. Days of Joy

November 18, 2017

“I’d like to take ye somewhere special,” said Jamie, biting his bottom lip. He had debated whether this was a good idea. The arguments for were certainly not as strong as those against the idea. Claire would leave soon. He might not see her for a very long time. She might not want to see him again after this trip.

And yet . . . yet, he wanted so badly for her to see the place most dear to him.

“To Lallybroch, to see my sister and brother-in-law . . . I hope ye dinna mind.”

Claire’s smile faltered. “Oh . . .”

Jamie’s stomach clenched. He’d hoped she would be excited to see where he grew up, but—

“Jamie,” she said, softly. She lay a hand on his shoulder, stroking him with her thumb. “Its not that I don’t want to see it—see them, it’s just . . . I’m nervous, is all.”

“So you—?”

“I’d love to meet your family, Jamie,” she assured him. He did feel assured, too, for that woman couldn’t lie easily. He supposed that was one of the things that attracted him to her; she was honest and direct.

“Ye dinna have to be nervous, Sassenach. They will love you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I ken them, and I ken you, and I ken that they’ll love ye just as—as they should.” He took both her hands in his. “Sassenach, I ken we’ve known each other only a few days, so ye canna tell the difference between what I’m like wi’ you and what I’m like without, but Jenny can. I smile more since I met ye, or so my sister informs me. And Jenny would have nothing bad to say of a woman that makes her brother happy.”

When they stepped out of the car, Claire took Jamie’s hand. He looked at her and smiled reassuringly, squeezing her hand, wordlessly telling her it would be all right.

“Uncle Jamie!” They both turned. “And you must be Auntie Claire.”

Claire turned back to Jamie, confused.

“Ah, this is my nephew Ian,” he explained. “And this is Claire, my . . . friend.”

Ian grinned at Claire. “He hasena stopped talking about ye since ye met—ow!”

“Jamie, don’t hit teenage boys you disagree with!”

“You should listen to yer girlfriend.”

“I didna hit him hard—I didn’t,” he insisted, seeing Claire’s look.

“Dinna fash, Auntie. I can handle a wee tap.”

“Why don’t ye go fetch yer mam and da?”

As she watched Young Ian disappear into the house, Claire leaned over and murmured, “He does know we’re not, you know, married?”

Jamie grasped her ring-less right hand, interlacing his fingers with hers. “Aye.” But we could be.

Claire, who had been very tense when they arrived, relaxed more and more throughout the day.

Jenny showed her around the house and told her stories of a young Jamie—“When he was eight he used to sing in the shower. ’Twas the worst part of our morning!  He’s tone deaf, ken? Well, he wasna always, but he was never a good singer to begin with.”—and Jamie watched with a smile on his face.

He had been nervous, too, he realised; he had wanted so badly for Claire to like Lallybroch, to feel at home in the place that had been his home for so many years.

“Seems ye didna need our help after all,” said Ian.

Jamie smiled wistfully, eyes still on Claire. “She’s no staying.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s going back to Boston soon. I dinna ken when I’ll see her again after that.”

“Oh, Jamie.”

Jamie could hear Ian’s unspoken question loud an clear: “Why would you get involved with a woman who’s leaving?” Why indeed? Jamie had been wondering since the moment he found out, but he couldn’t help himself. After their first date, he couldn’t stay away from her, even if it would break his heart when she left.

The rest of the day flew by in a pleasant fashion. There was good conversation and laughter in abundance. Jamie was certain this was a page ripped out of a fairy tale.

It felt as though Claire had been part of the family for years, and Jamie completely forgot about her initial tension. That is, until they retreated to the guest bedroom.

“Are we . . . we’re . . . sharing a bed?” asked Claire.

“I—Jenny probably assumed—if ye mind I can—”

“No. No, it’s fine, Jamie.”

“Are ye sure? Because there are other guest rooms and I could sleep in there if ye dinna wish to share a bed.”

Claire placed her hands on his shoulders, looking at him intently. “It’s fine, Jamie. Really.” She leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth.

Jamie breathed out a sigh of relief. He hadn’t given a single though to sleeping arrangements, and having Claire remark on the shared bed, well . . . for a moment he’d worried she wouldn’t want him in her bed, and after the wonderful day they’d had, he couldn’t imagine not going to bed with her.

But Jamie didn’t have to worry; he would sleep soundly next to the woman he loved.

November 19, 2017

Waking up together for the first time was about as awkward as going to bed together the night before.

Jamie had barely slept, too aware of sleeping next to someone else for the first time in years. He’d been careful not to touch her, not knowing whether she’d welcome his touch. He’d ended up in a stiff position, arms glued to his sides, nearly falling off the bed in an attempt to put space between them.

It wasn’t that Jamie didn’t want to gather Claire in his arms and keep her there through the night, only that they hadn’t spoken of it. Truth to be told, Jamie was terrified of pushing too far and scaring her away so soon.

But Jamie didn’t know if he could take one more night like this one. He needed to discuss this with Claire before the day was done.

“Sassenach—”

He didn’t get further before he was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Best get dressed if ye arena already. Yer nephew is here,” said Jenny.

“I thought your nephew was here already?” asked Claire.

“Aye well, I’ve more than one nephew. I suspect it’s the eldest, Wee Jamie, that’s visiting today.”

Claire smiled. “Wee Jamie? Named after you, was he?”

“Aye, he was. Come on, Sassenach, best get dressed then before Jenny returns to see what’s taking so long. She might assume things.”

It was Jamie the Younger that had come to visit, and with him his three sons and daughter.

It warmed Jamie’s heart seeing Claire with Young Jamie’s youngest on her knee, playing Ten Little Piggies with his toes.

“You’re verra good wi’ children, Claire,” said Jenny. “Do ye have younger siblings?”

“No, I’m an only child.”

“Ye look good wi’ a wean in yer arms. Did ye ever think of having children of your own?”

Claire looked up, her expression unreadable, but her shoulders were tense. “I suppose all women do at some point.” Her fingers unconsciously sought out her wedding ring, tracing its shape. “But then you never know what comes of that thought.”

That night Jamie found Claire sitting by the window, shoulders hunched. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears.

“What’s wrong, Sassenach?”

She turned away from him slightly, hiding her tears.

Jamie sat down behind her and gently pulled her into a hug. God, to see her sad, not knowing the cause of it . . . wondering if he was the cause of it . . .

“Mo chridhe,” he murmured. “Claire, what has ye so upset?” Please, talk to me.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffed. “I was just . . . overwhelmed, is all. This place—Lallybroch, it’s so beautiful . . . more than that, it’s homely. And seeing you here with your lovely family . . .” She let out a breath. “Oh, Jamie.”

Jamie let his hand stroke her arm up and down, hoping to give her some comfort.

“Is it . . . your parents?” he asked. “Because they died when you were so young?”

“No. No, it’s not them. It’s you.”

“Me?”

“Yes. Seeing you here—you belong. You wanted this life here, a family . . . a-and I realised I wanted this too—w-with you. And I feel cheated of twenty years we could’ve had together, had a family together, woken up in that bed together.”

Her hand grasped his tightly. “God, it feels silly to say out loud. I’ve not had a bad life in Boston, a-and maybe I was wrong in assuming you want those things. Worst of all, we’ve known each other all of five days! What am I doing blabbering on about all this like some—”

“Shh.” Jamie placed a hand on her mouth. “Claire, you’re not being silly. I feel cheated, too. You’re right that I wanted children and that I wanted to raise them here, but even though I regret not meeting you sooner, I thank God I met you at all. I’ll take twenty years, a week, or only five days. But to never have known you . . . I canna bear the thought of it.”

“You really mean that,” she whispered.

Though it wasn’t a question, he replied, “Aye, Sassenach, I do,” because he wanted there to be no doubt in her mind.

Finally, she relaxed in his embrace, melting into him. She sighed contentedly. Now Jamie dared nuzzle her hair, it was soft and smelt lovely.

“I’m pretty grateful too,” she said.

“Mm? I’m glad.”

“For many things,” she elaborated, “for the pudding,”—Jamie chuckled—“for a bed that doesn’t have those weird, uncomfortable pillows the B & B has,”—he kissed her ear, making her smile—“for you tickling my ear,”—brushing her hair back, he started kissing his way down her neck—“f-for that.”

Her hand took hold of Jamie’s and moved it up to her breast, her head simultaneously lolling back against his shoulder. He massaged her breast, his thumb teasing her nipple though the fabric of her blouse. Encouraged by her soft sighs, Jamie let his other hand slip inside her trousers.

She gasped and he smiled into her hair.

Jamie remembered he’d vowed to not relive the awkwardness of the night before. He withdrew his hand and stood up. Taking Claire’s hand, he pulled her up, into his arms. Tonight they would go to bed together.

November 20, 2017

If there was one moment that would cement itself in Jamie’s mind forever, it was waking up to the sound of Claire’s soft snoring and her curls tickling his nose. His arm was numb, and he was so hot he thought he might die—they’d slept under the covers, Claire pressed up against him. Additionally, he needed to pee.

Jamie didn’t move. Discomfort notwithstanding, he was happy and he wanted to savour this moment.

As his free hand tucked a stray curl behind her ear, her snoring stopped. For a moment Jamie thought he’d woken her up, but her eyes remained closed.

She looked happy, relaxed. Aye, Sassenach, he thought, I’m happy, too.

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK]

See also: @pankite

[warning: it’s short]

Before drifting off, Elsa had wondered if she would even remember any of that in the morning. But of course, the instant her eyes were open, it all came flooding back.

She wanted to make out with her own sister! Was she crazy? Maybe there was something in those pistachios that lowered her inhibitions… but even if there was, she clearly wanted to do it already. It was unforgivable in the eyes of God.

Or was it? The Bible didn't technically have anything to say against doing such things with family members. In fact, she could remember a few verses to the contrary: Lot and his daughters. They made her stomach curdle, but at the same time…

'Maybe it's not the absolute worst thing in the world,' she reasoned while in the shower, trying to scrub the sin off her skin. 'I know two girls kissing is supposed to be wrong, and so is siblings. But there aren't any actual parts of the Bible that make that explicitly clear. Like Rapunzel said…'

Then she was too busy chuckling about Rapunzel calling her "Mommy" to maintain her serious inner monologue. Shaking her head, she stepped out of the bathroom, a towel around her body and another around her hair.

Anna was up and moving, though it was clear by the sluggishness of her movements as she braided her hair and the long, slow blinks she took that she wasn't very awake just yet… and in her sleepiness, she failed to realize that a part of her nightgown was tucked into her underwear, showing off a generous amount of her freckled hip and legs.

"Morning," she greeted sleepily.

"Morning." Elsa saw the flesh, but tried her best to ignore it. She still didn't know why it should matter to her in the slightest when she wasn't gay! "How… did you sleep?"

"Hmm," Anna hummed as she tied off one braid and started working on the next. Her hair, which was a literal lion's mane in the morning, smoothed out beneath Anna's fingers with surprising ease. "I slept pretty good. Had a nice dream…" She yawned. "You had power over ice and snow, I was chased by a giant snowman that sounded suspiciously like Mark, and Kristoff was guiding me up a mountain for some reason…"

She kept rambling about her dream, going into detail about how Olaf was a talking snowman and how trolls tried to marry her to her friend. Elsa found herself smiling fondly as she listened, her anxiety ebbing away that easily. It was just Anna. Whatever was going on in her head, it was just her sister.

"Sounds like a lot was going on in your head before you fell asleep," she finally remarked as she began to pull her panties up beneath her towel.

Anna giggled and nodded in agreement. "I thought about you a lot," she confessed cheerfully and stretched, hearing her back pop with a satisfied half moan. Then Anna looked away and said in a voice that Elsa had to strain to hear, "Which probably explains the huge kiss at the end when I turned back from being an ice statue… doesn't explain the fireworks and angel chorus, though..."

Elsa felt her cheeks warming up already. Anna had a dream like that?! Her own dreams were now gone, but she wondered if anything like that had happened in hers. But clearly, their intimate moments weren't something of no consequence if they were bleeding into her subconscious.

"Fireworks and angel chorus, hmm?" she finally asked, having decided not to let that slide.

Anna suddenly looked sheepish. "Did I say that out loud?"

"You did," she laughed. Then she paced closer. "Do… you like it that much?" Anna seemed hesitant to answer and as her sister got closer, those teal eyes regarded her, suddenly wide awake. "Doing that with me, I mean."

"Yes I do," she said finally, her tone shy. "I love kissing you…"

Both of Elsa's hands raised, then lowered. She struggled with herself; this was ill-advised. But she knew it wasn't so bad as it could be. So she raised them again and let them rest on Anna's hips. Anna smiled at her sister tenderly at the feel of hands settling on her waist before reaching up and placing her own hands on Elsa's shoulders.

"Are we going to dance through the morning?" she asked with a chuckle.

"Well… why not?" Smiling in bemusement, she began to sway them back and forth very slightly, in time to an inaudible beat. "It's been a long time since we danced. Remember?"

"Yeah," Anna said, looking pleased as she followed Elsa's movements. "Not since Mom dragged us to that social when I was twelve and everyone insisted we dance… only you didn't want to dance with any of the boys so you dragged me everywhere to dance with me instead." She poked Elsa's nose teasingly.

"Can you blame me? Twelve-year-old boys don't know how to dance. Fourteen-year-old boys aren't much better, either." As their dance began to get more animated, more graceful from them becoming more sure of themselves, Elsa said, "And I didn't really want to dance with anybody but you. The rest of them… make me feel uncomfortable."

"To be fair, you're still my favourite dance partner." Anna beamed at her with her eyes closed and stepped a little closer. "Esme was a wonderful dancer by herself, but she wasn't very good at dancing with me. Only you ever actually make me feel graceful," she laughed, a loud sound that came from genuine happiness.

At that, Elsa had to dip her head lower, cheeks growing hot from the intensity of Anna's loving gaze. "W-well… I feel the same way. I didn't think about it, but nobody at Prom that I tried to dance with made me feel… much of anything, to be honest."

Anna took one of Elsa's hands in hers and planted her other one upon Elsa's waist so that the two were mirroring one another in their body positions, expertly twirling as she took control of the dance. "I'm glad no one replaced me, then!"

"As if anyone ever could." Anna began to twirl her, and Elsa allowed herself to be twirled — until she felt her towel begin to slip down away from her chest. "A-ah!"

"Oh my God! I'm sorry!" Anna let go of Elsa and swiftly covered her eyes, her cheeks a flaming red. "I swear to God I didn't see anything!"

After sputtering a moment, Elsa was able to snatch up the towel and hold it against her chest. "N-no, I- this is my fault, I w-wasn't thinking, I-" Tutting, she turned away to grab up her bra. "I'm sorry, Anna, th-that was so thoughtless of me to forget I was only wearing-"

"It's okay, seriously!" Anna said, still keeping her hands firmly over her eyes. "We both got lost in the moment and forgot, that's all! I- I should get ready, anyway." She turned on her heel and marched towards the bathroom… only to smack into the wall three feet away due to the fact that she hadn't uncovered her eyes when she started moving.

"Anna, be careful!" Elsa warned, struggling to right her straps and turn the bra around to face the front. So flustered was she that it seemed she couldn't even get her stupid bra on correctly! How was it that this silly redhead she had known all her life could still throw her off so badly, even now? The redhead's equally red blush deepened and she uncovered her eyes just enough to find the doorknob leading into the bathroom, darting in and shutting the door so enthusiastically that it slammed shut.

"I'm inside now!" she shouted for extra measure.

"I'm not the one with the eyes covered, you goof!" Elsa couldn't help but laugh, even as she was still shaking from the near-miss.

As she finally righted her bra and began to pull on her other clothes, she pondered her relationship with Anna. Whereas the night before, she had been dreading it and worrying about her own mental health, now she was beginning to consider it exhilarating. So what if it was technically taboo by modern standards? As long as no one else knew what they were doing, and they didn't go so far that they violated God's laws about sex before marriage… what would it truly matter if they shared a few kisses, snuggled too close?

It would matter a lot to them, though. Being able to be that close after all that time apart was worth the risk.

Anna took nearly twenty minutes to shuffle out of the bathroom, fully clothed in a more modest set of clothing compared to the borderline scandalous style she had been wearing up to this point. "Well, that sure was a way to wake up," she giggled. Her legs looked to be a little shaky and she had one of her hands tucked into the pocket of her pants. Sweat was running down from her forehead, and she still looked flushed despite it being so long since they had their weird moment.

"It was?" Elsa glanced between her sister's legs and her hand, her face, and she frowned in some concern. "Are you alright? I didn't mean to make things awkward…"

"Nah, it's fine!" Anna said almost a tad too chirpily, "It was an accident, that's all!"

For a moment, Elsa accepted that readily. Then she cleared her throat and said, "Because, um, you seem really upset for some reason."

"I-I'm not upset." Anna smiled nervously. "Trust me, I'm far from upset."

"Then why do you sound… so…" Something niggled at the back of Elsa's mind. This behaviour seemed familiar somehow, or like she was missing an incredibly obvious social cue. Was she? All she could think of to ask was, "Did something happen in the bathroom? Hurt yourself?"

The flush deepened again, turning Anna's face the same colour as her hair. "Just… washed my face… and my hands. You know, the usual. Why do you ask?"

Maybe she really was imagining things. Shaking her head, she smiled sweetly and whispered, "Nothing, I guess." Then she stepped closer. "Um… ready to go?"

"Ready as I'll ever be!" Anna took Elsa's hand with the one that had been in her pocket, the skin still slightly damp, before she seemed to realize and switched to the other, much drier hand with a laugh that was a little too loud to be real. "Sorry, wrong hand!"

"It's okay. Let's go before we're late."

But as they breezed out the door and up toward where they would meet up with their campers, Elsa couldn't help but glance down at her free hand. The one with slightly-dampened fingers. What did she mean? A niggling possibility flared up in her mind about why they might be more damp than the ones on the other hand, but she decided to ignore it. If she wasn't sure, and knew she was far too gunshy to ask Anna, there was no sense driving herself up a wall.

                                         To Be Continued...

[nachtgraves]

Hello! If you're still taking requests could you do 49 w/ jean/nino? I love that pairing and I'd like to see how you write them!

Hey!Jean/Nino .> I have a problem. I haven’t seen any of itsince the anime ended though and rewatching it is my reward for catching up onall the shit I have on hold so I hope I did them justice for my first timewriting them (:

Title: HomeSmells of Cigarette Smoke and Bread // AO3WordCount: 3,280Warnings/Tags: G/PG. post-ep12, time skip, nino deserves all the love, pining. I have a headcannon whereLotta likes to play matchmaker.Prompt: Coming home

Jean’sbeen away for about two weeks now.

It’sone of the longest trips he’s been on, and while he’s called Lotta most nights,he’s often exhausted and barely there. Lotta sends him off to bed or to take amuch needed nap. Nino’s been privy to Lotta’s concerned complaints; he himselfhas received a few texts and calls, though most have been requests to keep theyounger Otus company and watch out for her (in her borderline obsessivelyprotective older brother’s place). But there are times where Jean’s calls andmessages are personalized for Nino, and it’s all Nino can ask that Jean spendthose few minutes of his free time on him, instead of on Lotta or resting up.

It’scoming onto day 16 of Jean’s ambiguous and lengthy business trip and Nino ishousesitting for the Otus siblings. Lotta’s gone to Dowa to see Prince Schwanand her grandfather, who’s been kicking stronger than anyone had thought, butillness is always a cause for concern. She was in a rush to leave and Nino wasmore than happy to be called last minute to take care of things in both her andher brother’s absence.

Themain reason for his employment as a house-sitter is Lotta’s new hobby. In therecent weeks she’s picked up gardening, and Nino is more than adept enough atwatering plants on a schedule. Besides, watching over things is something he’snot a stranger to. Since the attempted coup and Furawau’s secession from theDowa Kingdom, Nino’s had some time on his hands, even with his new job at asmall newspaper company. In those early weeks, up to the recent months, he hadn’tbeen too sure of his place in Bādon, or his place with the Otus siblings.

Ninolays on the couch where he and Jean have fallen asleep a few too many timesafter nights of drinking and stares up at the ceiling. He could go back to hisown small apartment, but the Otus home has a warmth and comfort and something indistinguishablethat his apartment simply lacks. It’s a vague feeling he can’t place but itmakes him quite reluctant to leave.

Thinkingback, he remembers the days when he tried to stay away, remove himself fromJean and Lotta, and how miserably that failed within days. He recalls mopingabout in his apartment trying to convince himself to get rid of his copies ofOtus family photos, and the surprise of Jean knocking on his door and takinghim to the bar they frequented. Jean pointedly getting drunk without Nino’spersuasion and needing an escort home. Lotta’s remarks of missing seeing himaround after they put Jean to bed solidified Jean’s point and soothed thegrowing ache in Nino’s chest.

He’snot sure when, but at some point between the sun sinking between buildings andthe stars shining as bright as they can through city light pollution, he fellasleep. He awakes with a familiar crick of sleeping on a couch. The Otus couchis a very comfortable couch, but it is still not a bed. He very well could haveslept through the night, but he’s a light sleeper. No one was supposed to becoming home, but Nino recognizes the sound of a rattling door handle and amuffled curse.

Gettingup from the couch, Nino tiptoes through the dark and silent apartment, guidedonly by the city light filtering in through the windows. He searches out for aweapon of some sort on his way to the front door, but only finds some ofLotta’s cooking and pastry magazines. It’s as good as anything, so he rolls oneup as tight as he can and hides against the wall that turns into the entryway.Whoever was trying to get in seems to succeed just as Nino’s in position,substitute baseball bat ready in his hands and prepped for a swing. The lightfrom outside the apartment floods the entryway and a shadow stretches out, thehead coming to just in front of where Nino’s standing. He’s about to bringglossy paper to human skull, using the shortening shadow as a reference, whenthe intruder calls out: “Lotta?”

Ninoabruptly loosens his grip on the magazine, letting it unroll in his palm. Thelights flicker on and Jean stands, hand frozen on the light switch as he seesNino.

“Uh,hey. Wasn’t expecting you to come back tonight,” Nino laughs.

Jean’seyes scan Nino from head to toe, lingering on the loosely rolled magazinebefore meeting Nino’s eyes with a questioning frown.

Ninoshrugs. “I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to you coming in – thought itwas a burglar.”

“Soyou grabbed one of Lotta’s magazines.” Jean’s mouth quirks slightly and Nino canonly smile helplessly back.

Jeanmoves from the light switch and Nino follows after him into the living room.Jean drops his travel bag by the coffee table and collapses onto the couch witha heavy sigh. Nino leans against the wall and watches. He’s so used to watchingJean. It’s habit to catalogue every twitch in the blond’s expression and heknows every detail of Jean’s routine movements. He’s familiar with the way Jeansprawls across his couch, head tilted back and arms draped along the backrest.The way he tugs his tie loose, blindly reaches for his cigarettes and lighter.The way his lips close around the stick and how smoke streams gently from hismouth in a relaxed sigh.

Jeanslides his gaze to where Nino’s standing. “Sit down, the couch doesn’t bite.”

“Lotta’sgoing to be mad at you for smoking in here,” Nino responds, but he takes a seatas told.

Jeanrolls his head so he’s got half his face smooshed against the couch but canlook at Nino easily. “Speaking of, where is she?”

Ninotilts his head in surprise. “Did you not know? Your grandfather’s sick and shewas worried so she flew over yesterday. She asked me to house and plant-sit,which is why I was here.”

Jeansits up, frown on his face. “Grandfather’s sick? He called me just a few daysago and seemed perfectly fine.”

Ninojust shrugs. “It’s what Lotta said when she called me, asking me to look overthe apartment while the both of you were gone. Wasn’t expecting you to be backso suddenly.”

“Itold Lotta I was coming back tonight or tomorrow morning though.” Jean’s lipsquirk even more downwards, perplexed. Nino’s just as confused for a momentbefore he remembers that nosiness and plotting behind peoples back for theirown perceived good is a Dowan royal family trait. He hopes his face is asimpassive as ever.

“Maybeshe forgot. In any case, I guess I’m off plant-sitting duties,” Nino says,trying to change the direction of the conversation, “I should head back, it’slate and I really didn’t mean to fall asleep here earlier.”

Jeanshakes his head. “You can spend the night. It’s not like you haven’t numeroustimes before.”

Thestatement is true, but Nino needs to remove himself from Jean’s presence. Lottaplotted to get them alone together for whatever reason but he is not about toruin something he’s already got too fragile of a hold on. He gets to his feetand waves Jean off.

“Yeah,but I have some work to do and all my material is at my apartment.”

Jeanstands as well and Nino’s halted by a firm grip around his lower arm. Nino wantsto pull away, but he also desperately wants to come closer. He settles for notmoving at all and staring at the point between Jean’s brows.

“Haveyou eaten?” Jean asks, his question abrupt and innocuous.

Ninoshakes his head. Jean smiles.

“Thenhave dinner with me. I don’t like eating alone.”

Ninoopens his mouth to refuse but he soon finds himself seated at the Otus kitchentable across from Jean with a plates of rice, pork, vegetables, and, of course,dinner rolls, laid out before them. Jean’s half-finished cigarette smotheredout in the ashtray leaving only a faint trail of smoke. He smiles. There’s norefusing an Otus.

“Whatare you smiling about?”

Jeanpoints his fork over at Nino. The blue haired man just shrugs and busieshimself with eating.

“Nino.”

Thetone and cadence almost resembles a whine and really, Nino’s never stood achance anyway.

“Justthinking,” he replies, and in an attempt to distract the vice-chairman of theinspection department, offers the last dinner roll and the tub of butter.

Jeantakes the offerings but Nino doesn’t get away scot-free.

“Careto share?”

“Howoften are you, or even Lotta, told ‘no’ in terms of getting what you want?”Nino returns.

Jeanpurses his lips in thought and Nino has to redirect his attention to the lastbits of his dinner. The blond eventually replies in slow and measured words asif he is still trying to think of a specific instance. “A fair amount,probably. No different than anyone else, I’d say.”

Ninocan’t stop the snort of amused disbelief that bubbles up his throat and out hisnose at that. He has to cover his mouth with his hand so he doesn’t spray foodeverywhere. When he looks up at Jean he has to consciously decide that theexpression on the blond’s face is categorically a frown and even though hismouth is stretched somewhat close together and forward and his bottom lip isjutting out the tiniest bit and his clear blue eyes that catch the flash of acamera like polished crystals are marginally wider—frowning. The unofficial prince is frowning.

“What?”Jean demands.

Ninoshakes his head and starts clearing up the table. If he doesn’t have to respondhe doesn’t have to attempt to deny Jean what he wants. But Jean, unusuallypersistent at the worst of times, follows after Nino with his own plate, adetermined shadow. Nino presses his lips together in a tight line to preventboth laughter and Jean’s answers.

Jeansighs in defeat and Nino lets a small smile of victory past his guard that Jeancatches, if the narrowed gaze is of any indication and pouting—frowning mouth. Nino really needs to goback to his apartment. He says as much to Jean once the last of the dishes areput away: “I should really go back to my apartment for whatever is left of thenight.”

Jean,leaning against the counter, fixes his gaze on Nino in the way that seems tofreeze all movement from the latter. The blue of his eyes and depth of hisstare fixing the object of the stare in place until the blond allows toindividual to move. Nino leans back against the counter, body twisted towardsJean and awaiting what he has to say.

“Youknow,” Jean starts, head tilting slightly. “You never call your apartment‘home’.”

Ninofrowns, confused by the way Jean has taken the conversation. He’s not sure whatthe blond’s point is and Jean can apparently tell. The blond’s mouth twitchesupwards at the corner he always gets food smeared around and has to lick atwith his tongue or dab at with a napkin. Nino finds it fortunate that Jean’snot as into creamy pastries as his sister and coworkers are.

“Younever refer to your apartment as ‘home’. It’s always ‘apartment’, ‘place’, oreven just bed.” Jean continues, andwhile Nino was distracted by Jean’s thin lips and subtle facial twitches, theblond had apparently come closer to the taller man.

“You’dalmost think that ‘home’ isn’t part of your vocabulary, but—” and now Jean isright in front of Nino, to the point Nino is teased by the warmth of Jean’sbody to the hint of tobacco and ash and smoke—“when you take me or Lotta backhere, you almost exclusively call this place home.”

Jeanstares up at him – those few centimeters Nino has above the blond seem tovanish – waiting for a response. Nino clears his throat and he would try tostep back and create more appropriate space between them, but he’s against thecounter and any movement away would be too obvious.

“Well,this is your home. What else would I call it?” he manages to respond.

Jeanseems to come even closer.

“You’reavoiding the question.”

“Younever asked one,” Nino says.

Hefeels victorious for a moment before Jean blinks and then releases a soft huh.

Jeancatches Nino’s gaze with his own. Nino can’t look away even though he knows hereally should find some sort of escape route. The situation was coming to asplit in the road where one path led onward, peaceful and uninterrupted,whereas the second path fell away into nothingness, the ground cracked andcrumbling and dead. Nino knows that this split is unavoidable in hisrelationship with the blond, that at some point in their time together this splitin the road was inevitable. He could only delay it for so long, and despite hiseffort it seems like he’s run out of back roads, scenic routes, and detours.

“Wellthen, here’s the implied question: why do you never refer to your apartment ashome?”

Withthe blond standing and staring unwaveringly in front of him, barely inchesbetween them, Nino can’t break eye-contact and any excuse or redirectiondisappears from the grasp of his heavy tongue like the wisps of smoke thatcling only as a vague olfactory presence to Jean’s clothes.

“Ihaven’t considered it to be a home for a while,” Nino answers, surprising himselfin the process.

Hedoesn’t know when, but it was likely after the death of his father and Jean andLotta’s parents, probably around when he realized his feelings for the olderOtus strayed from duty to friendship to more. It was a gradual thing, much likethe development of his feelings towards Jean, but also his sister. Nino first adoredher with a reverence brought on by her connection to beloved members of royalty.It was, and still is, impossible to not feel protective of and adoration forthe young princess. Nino’s feelings for the girl grew into a responsibility ofa familial, brotherly nature as his feelings for Jean grew romantic and wanting.

Jeanseems to be just as surprised with Nino’s abrupt concession. But he quicklysmiles and nods, as if he had already known the answer and was just waiting forNino to catch up. Nino wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.

“Well,since I know you’re lying about work, there really is no reason for you to notjust spend the night. We have the guest room…” The way Jean trails off impliesthat there’s something he wants to add or suggest. His gaze flickers down thehallway towards the bedrooms and Nino watches the subtle movement of Jean’sthroat as he swallows, preps his following words with a flick of tongue across thinlips.

Ninois almost afraid to ask but he can’t help himself. “Or…?”

“Mybed is big enough for two.”

Ninoisn’t sure if he hears Jean correctly, if his brain has warped the blond’swords to something that belongs in a fantastical, fictional world far removedfrom reality.

“Huh?”Nino so eloquently asks, or rather grunts. It’s really more of a vague sound ofsurprise and disbelief that changes pitch several times within the singlesyllable.

Jeangives Nino a knowing look. “Come to bed with me. Just to sleep.” He grins alittle and adds, “For now.”

Thefact that Jean’s face tinges pink even though Nino can tell the other man istrying to play cool makes him feel better about the fact his face is likelybright red and his dropped jaw is probably very stupid looking. His cool,badass biker image is in shattered pieces at Jean’s feet. But he doesn’t reallycare about it that much right now.

WhileNino still can’t quite regain control over his mouth and ability to speak – stillstunned into silence by Jean’s very blunt flirting, teasing? He hopes it’s theformer – he can nod and follow Jean into the blond’s bedroom, led by his wristin Jean’s firm grasp. Jean only lets him go to change into his pyjamas; a soft tee-shirtand a pair of flannel pyjama pants that are much too baggy on his slender framebut endears him to Nino that much more. With a quick, pointed look, Nino stripsdown to his boxers and pulls on a shirt Jean tosses him from his closet. Ninocan’t help but subtly lift the neck and take a quick sniff, and from the wayJean smirks even with pink cheeks as he crawls into the modestly sized bed, heknows that he was caught.

Hehesitates, but slides into the bed as well. Nino doesn’t know if he should turnhis back to Jean, but when Jean settles on his side facing Nino, he reaches upa hand and grabs at the collar of Nino’s borrowed shirt and tugs him down,deciding for the photographer.

Ninoisn’t sure if he was expecting the brief kiss or not. He’s been going onautopilot since Jean cornered him in the kitchen and his brain is only justcatching up.

Thekiss is brief enough that he almost thinks it didn’t happen, but the way hetries to follow Jean’s mouth after the blond pulls away says otherwise. Jeansmiles and leans back in for another kiss. This one, Nino can close his eyesand enjoy, simple and closed-mouth. He pulls back and lies down fully on thebed facing Jean.

“Wecan talk about this later if you want,” Jean tells him. “I’m exhausted andreally just want to sleep for a few hours.”

“Goodnight,” Nino says and Jean smiles at him before settling in and closing hiseyes, his breaths evening out surprisingly quickly. Nino feels a tug of guiltat keeping the blond awake for so long when he likely had wanted to immediatelyfall into bed upon returning. He can’t quite bring himself to completely regretthe events of the night, however.

Ninodoesn’t fall asleep for a while. He can barely process what’s happened since hewoke up from his accidental nap, much less how he’s ended up in this situation,this position. In Jean’s bed, next to the man himself who is out like a light,face soft and gentle in sleep, body warm and facing Nino. He settles onto hisside, arm bent under his head and lets his eyes drift shut, relaxed. Eachinhale fills his nose with soothing scents of laundry detergent mixed with ahint of salty sweat. Nino falls asleep, more content than he thinks he’s everbeen.

Inthe morning, Nino wakes up alone but the other side of the bed has stillretained some of the warmth from his missing bed partner. He pads out of Jean’sbedroom to see the man grabbing fresh toast from the toaster, one butteredslice already in his mouth and the remains of a cigarette burning out in theashtray on the kitchen table. He’s wearing his glasses, thick rimmed and rectangular,equal parts dorky and adorable.

“Morning,”Jean says when he notices Nino, mouth full of bread but smile still wide as itcan be. “What do you want for breakfast?”

Ninocomes closer and something in him settles at the scent of cigarette smoke andbread.

[nikky-the-writer]

Torn apart (Steve x Reader & Bucky x Reader)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 , Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Summary: AU

Reader was dating Steve when she started falling for Bucky. After her heart was broken, she decided to leave from both man and now after two years she is coming back.

Warning: swearing

As you stepped into the building with Nat, Peter, and Clint the first person you saw was Sam. He had his back turned to you as he was leaning on the table where some girl sat. ˝Sam! ˝ You pretend that you were mad walking quickly to him. ˝Y/N? What are y.. ˝ Before he could finish you slap him. He was confused for a second, but he joined you in your little game. ˝Baby, I'm so sorry. ˝ He took your hands in his giving you his best puppy eyes. ˝Alright, but I don't want you to go back to this girl, whenever I'm not in the mood to play with you.˝ ˝You guys are sick. ˝Peter walked past you. Sam laughed and pulled you in a hug.

˝Where were you kiddo? ˝ He asked finally pulling away. ˝Just away. Needed some time to think. ˝ He took you by the hand, leading you to break room. ˝We should all use time for that, especially T'Challa. ˝ He said louder while you were all walking in. T'Challa looked up from his book and he stood up, heading yours and Nats’ way. He pulled you both in a hug only letting you go when Rhodey and Thor came in. You all sat at the table laughing and sharing stories from this past two years. ˝Who holds the record? ˝ Your voice broke the laugh and everybody's eyes were on you. ˝Y/N/N, you are stepping into dangerous waters. ˝ Rhodey warned you. ˝So, that's mean that nobody changed it since I left. ˝ You smirked at them. ˝What record? ˝Peter asked, pulling his chair closer to you. ˝Peter, think about it, where are you now? ˝ You started, but Nat taps your shoulder to stop talking. ˝What? ˝You faced her. You had a silent argument while all of them watched as your face expression change every few seconds. Finally, they heard Nats’ voice. ˝Fine, then tell him. You know that he is just like you, he will try to do it. ˝ She leaned in her chair gesturing you to continue. ˝I think, a year before I left; Sam, Rhodey, T'Challa and I got drunk and we broke into the official shooting range where they usually practice. We were so drunk that we decided to move the sniper target further away. We moved it to... ˝ You tried to remember and then Sam joined in. ˝1500 meters further on the hill. The normal distance is usually up to 1000 meters. ˝ ˝We put a card, an ace on the target. We fall a few times down the hill..... and we decided that we are going to shoot at it the following day and who takes the target down becomes the king. ˝ Peter was engrossed in the story that he couldn't sit calmly in his seat. ˝Who shot it? ˝ ˝You are really asking that question. I'm offended right now. ˝ You crossed your arms and looked at your brother shaking your head. ˝Y/N/N, shot it like a pro. I still can't believe it. ˝ Thor said and Peter smiled widely and after a few seconds he furrowed his brows. ˝But.... you don't know how to shoot. ˝ He said it like a statement. ˝Really, do you see these guys. Rhodey taught me how to shoot, but I mostly practiced with these idiots and with Bucky or Steve. ˝ ˝Why didn't you teach me? ˝Peter asked slightly offended because you kept this away from him. ˝Wait a second. Nat, do you know how to shoot? ˝ Nat just nodded and Peter almost jumped from his seat. ˝Why wouldn't you teach me? ˝ ˝Pete, you are too clumsy. We wanted, but... ˝ Nat said and you helped her pointing some things out. ˝You ran into the fridge when we played hide and seek. You broke your legs falling down the stairs the worst one; when you almost cut your whole finger helping me make dinner. ˝ ˝Okay, it wasn't that bad. No offense, but Sam works with these guys. ˝ ˝No offense? Kid, that's offensive. ˝ Sam gave him a weird look and laughed. ˝Look kiddo there's a difference, you are clumsy and I'm just an idiot. ˝ You laughed at his remark and you almost fall from your chair, remembering the last time you were witnessing him acting like an idiot, but then you heard someone clearing their throat. All eyes were directed towards Steve and Bucky that were dressed in all black, ready for work. ˝Why are you here? ˝ Steve asked with no emotions. You wondered was that contempt written all over his face or maybe just hate, but for what? ˝Why am I here? I didn't know that you possess these people or this building. ˝ He scoffed at you and just a second after you were in front of his face. ˝These people are my friends, but you obviously don't know what that means. ˝ ˝I don't know, you left and now you are acting like some.. ˝ ˝Don't say it Rogers. ˝ Rhodey stood next to you. ˝I'm the bad guy? ˝He laughed, looking at you. ˝You left me! You left only that stupd note ˝ Steve was just inches away screaming in your face and you didn't move, but Rhodey put his hand on Steve's chest moving him away. ˝Don't act like you are hurt, just a few days later you were already with Sharon. When you love someone you don't run away into somebody else's arms, just look at your friend. ˝ Rhodey pulled his arm away moving it around your shoulder. ˝What is he talking about Bucky? ˝Bucky searched your eyes, but you kept your gaze on the ground. He never told his friend that he was in love with you. Steve trusted him, he never thought that you or Bucky would ever act on your feelings that you both denied. He was also jealous of your friendship because when you would go out together, you and Bucky looked more like a couple than him and you. He thought that you and Bucky would never be in a relationship that it was just a fling. He thought a lot about it over years and he decided that you maybe needed a change. He was sure that you and Bucky would never work, Bucky was a player, but now when he sees the guilt in his friend's eyes, he actually realized that during these few years he hadn't seen his friend with a girl. ˝I asked you a damn question! ˝ Steve was angry and during this fight Nat asked everyone to leave, but Peter insisted on staying. ˝We slept together. ˝ Hearing Bucky's confession Steve furiously approached him, hitting him in the face. Bucky didn't try to stop him. ˝You are my friend and you slept with her?! ˝Steve clenched his fist ready to punch him again when you put your hand on his shoulder. ˝Guys, can you leave us alone? ˝ Everyone headed out. ˝Buck, you should stay. ˝ Bucky stayed, by the door looking at you and Steve. You sat down and asked them to join you. Steve sat in front of you and Bucky a few seats away from you. His cheek was already red and you felt bad for him because it was your fault. ˝Let's be honest, at least for once. Steve you cheated, so why do you care who I fucked? ˝ Bucky uncomfortably moved in his chair. It hurt him to hear you say that you fucked him, like it didn't mean anything, to him it meant something. ˝That's also cheating.˝ Steve felt guilty, but he didn't want to admit, neither to you or to himself that he had done something wrong. ˝It happened only once. The day when she found out you were cheating. ˝ Steve swallowed the lump in his throat and then he turned to Bucky. ˝You used her?! ˝ ˝I used him. He knew about you and Sharon so I did it to get my revenge on you and him. You both lied to me. I'm sorry for what I've done, but I'm not only one to blame. ˝ You held your hands in your lap constantly looking from Bucky to Steve. ˝Six months. She bumped into me one day and asked me to grab some coffee with her. It just happened. ˝ Steve shrugged his shoulders. He didn't know what to say. ˝Are you still with her? ˝ You asked, breaking the silence. ˝ No. I'm sorry about everything. When I look back, I can actually see that both of us knew that we are going to fall apart, but neither wanted to say it out loud. I'm really glad to see you. ˝ Bucky laughed at Steve's answer. ˝Well, I should probably leave the happy couple. ˝His voice was filled with contempt. ˝Are you really going to act like a child? ˝ ˝Just sit back down. ˝Steve ordered him and Bucky started breathing heavily. ˝To sit down, to watch you both back together. I can't do that anymore! Just leave me alone! Y/N... ˝ He looked at you with tears in his eyes. ˝I don't want to see you ever again. ˝ ˝If that's how you feel, then I'll leave. ˝ As you placed your hand on the doorknob you glanced over your shoulder. ˝Sometimes I wish that I've never met you. ˝ You left wiping the tears from your eyes passing by guys and your siblings. You didn't stop to say anything, you just ran out of the building. You lied. They were your best friends once, you still loved them, differently, but in the same amount. Bucky's word cut deep into your heart, they made you regret coming back. You just wanted to do something good, to have your friends and family back because you needed them at the moment. You were falling apart, there were things that nobody knew about you. You needed somebody to really be there for you.

Tag list:

@whatthehellisacastiel, @hardboiledegg21, @aboveaverage-fangirl, @mitra-k-w,

@allyp1023, @mizzzpink,, @38leticia,, @de-dentro-pra-fora, @petlaufeyson, @shelvesandwhelves, @nessy-bearxb, @mxnchurixn-plums, @de-dentro-pra-fora, @tremilyteapot, @hollycornish

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

[bryanllamado]

10 Awesome Things This Week | 02

Hello, readers! Welcome to another volume of 10 Awesome Things This Week–ironic ‘cause I’m writing about last week’s shenanigans now since I haven’t got enough time to write this entry last week. So as I was scrolling through my old blog entries (stalking thyself, eh?), I happened to come across the lone volume of this segment; got quite anxious since I haven’t published a follow-up volume since. Just a while ago, I decided to write the 2nd volume–this very entry that you’re reading–and officially create a tab for this blog segment on my blog’s side bar (for you to access it easily). Not to mention, I have other blog series to catch up on but for now, here’s a quick rundown of the top 10 most awesome things that happened/took place last week. Happy scrolling!

1.     Saw Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children

Fine, I’ll admit it–I haven’t finished the book yet. It’s probably because I crave for a dystopian genre of novel over a fantasy one, unlike this. I’m finding it hard to say if I’m satisfied or not with the film (since I have no basis to compare my judgment upon). Di bale na, I’ll find time to flip the pages of that book.

2.     Saw Julie Anne San Jose’s Facebook Live video

MyJaps has been uploading numerous covers on her YouTube channel and Soundcloud page lately and (in my desire to stream more of her covers,) I have seen a couple of videos posted by a fan–as if those were taken from a Facebook Live video. I later found out that Julie went live the night before Christmas last year, where she sang 11 songs. Check out the video here!

3.     Had a legit pork sisig fix at Mang Inasal

Truth be told–I love pork sisig more than anything. I usually eat more than 2 cups of rice when pork sisig is served on the platter (I mean, who would say no to sisig?). I have tried almost all sorts of sisig but I keep running back to pork sisig–especially Mang Inasal, with unlimited rice and chicken oil to top that. #bestofthebest

4.     Officially enrolled. #27units

I’m officially enrolled! As the term break ended, a new semester began (and you wouldn’t want to ask about the struggles regarding enrollment, I suppose). I just waited for my queue for 4 long hours; ate lunch and slept in between. Mind you, there are friggin’ 500 people waiting on the line before me and I’m lucky enough to get in and pay after 4 hours. #simplejoys

5.     Finally finished Veronica Roth’s Divergent trilogy

I’ve mentioned Divergent more than a couple of times in my previous entries; pardon me because I’m a big fan of the series. On the contrary, I saw the first 3 films (Divergent, Insurgent and Allegiant) prior to reading the trilogy but, I’m still waiting for the 4th film–Ascendant–despite reports claiming that it will be a TV-Movie instead. *crosses fingers*

6.     Edited and published my 2nd Vlog on YouTube

After I got back from Manila, I took a day of rest and went back to my usual ‘blogger routine’; had the chance to edit a new vlog and finish the entry about our Solaire Esacapade (in a span of 2 days, not to brag). I used The Chainsmoker’s new single Paris on the video. #lss Anyway, you can watch the video through this link: Vlog 02: Solaire Escapade

7.     Created a new album on Facebook: 2K17

2017 would probably mark my from-inactive-to-hyperactive lifestyle towards Facebook. #nagbalikloob I used to hate the site/app since I’ve been seeing crappy posts and photos each and every time I browse through my news feed (or maybe I follow/I’m ‘friends’ with the wrong people). I’ve been stepping up my Instagram game big time and it’d be a good idea to share them on Facebook as well. *winks*

8.     Started a new Instagram feed

As soon as I start a new feed, I think of a new feed/filter to use next after it (sobrang advance ba?) and I came up with a new feed idea: Gray–monochromatic but not B&W. I actually got the idea from a friend (and a few bloggers that I follow) and thought that I have enough photos to fill my grid with gray-ish photos–talk about resourcefulness. Check out my Instagram feed here!

9.     Lunch with Gatdula fam

Family lunch will always be the best type of lunch (aside from no lunch at all; just kidding). I am grateful to have shared the table with my relatives–from my grandparents to my aunts/uncles and cousins to my 2 nieces. The Gatdula fam went to Cabalen for lunch on the 22nd in celebration of the birthdays of the 3 Macalalag siblings! #happykid

10.     Solaire Escapade

This has got to be the highlight of my January–to have spent 3 days and 2 nights at Solaire with my college friends (as part of Dairen’s 18th bday celeb). Not that I’ll talk much about it now but I have a blog entry–which I wrote 2 days after the trip–ready to publish on queue; just waiting for a perfect timing. For now, enjoy my 2nd vlog and this Facebook album for more photos.

Those are just 10 of the awesome things that happened last week.

Wishing everyone a productive semester!

Bry x 012317