#i think i must have been listening to the weeknd while i was writing

[imaginespazzi]

nivi!!

I’ve been so busy that I’m just now getting caught up with GH, but I wanted to let you know that your writing is brilliant (as always) and it’s my favourite reward after what has been a busy couple of months.

when I have more time soon i might write a more detailed recap of my thoughts and theories about each chapter so far, but for now just know that i love the themes you’re exploring and how you’ve executed them (exes to lovers with all their history goes absolutely crazy, the angst, tension, pining, regrets, etc. like hello??? not to mention in between there was rejection, marrying someone else and pregnancy AHHHHH I love it). I know there’s a couple more you’ve yet to introduce, but for sure there will be a “to move forward, you must let go of the past” and a chance at emotional redemption themes. I’m ready for angst, I honestly might need it just to feel smth (even though I will 100% be in shambles at possible Stephie angst), but I’ve been enjoying the fluff as of late

now some song reccs i thought of for writing motivation:

Paige pov

* glimpse of us by joji — “'Cause sometimes I look in her eyes, and that's where I find a glimpse of us” the whole chorus tbh is honestly Paige’s during her relationship and marriage with Olivia, ngl I’ve been imagining a lot of scenes of them while I listen to this song in my head 😭😭

* My favourite clothes by rini - “Cause I can't make you stay if you wanna go (But I will wait for you to say ‘Come home’)” this is the song in my head when I imagine their initial breakup, can’t wait for how it plays out in the story and in your timeline of events but i see this as like after P gets drafted to Dallas and is packing up her stuff (and maybe leaving clothes for azzi 💔)

Azzi pov

* chilly by niki - “Does her love feel just the same (Is she the one to take your last name)”, I LOVE NIKI so this might be biased but a lot of her songs fits the fic tbh. I imagine this for when azzi found out about olivia (ooo possibly when she flew to Dallas?? or whenever she first found out about them…. UNLESS SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT THEM FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN SHE FLEW OVER?? AHHHH)

* Oceans and engines by Niki - “But heaven denied, destiny decried (something beautiful died too soon)” another song I had in mind for while P is leaving after the draft or even during Azzi’s flight back from when she flew over

* Wish you well by Jeff bernat - “If I could go back, I wouldn't hesitate (But I know by now it's a little bit too late)” this is for during those many times A is contemplating calling Paige and struggling with her overthinking tendencies, in the end she obviously decides all she could do was wish her well 💔

Bonus for Olivia pov

* backburner by niki - “Cause maybe you'll finally choose me (after you've had more time)” i might be in the minority but I wouldn’t mind a look into Olivia’s perspective just cause I find her character interesting and as someone who’s lowkey been in her position, being the second choice and the person they settled with is never fun

Bonus pt.2 for next chapt, ooo if we’re getting the bar scene I could see ‘Die for you’ remix with the weeknd and ariana grande as an inspiration for a potential tension-filled moment, but as always I can’t wait to read what you have planned for us!!

- 🧜🏽 (you don’s have to post this btw! just wanted to show some appreciation and possibly some inspiration 🤍🫂)

Ah my love, if you do every choose to a deeper review, I would love it very much but never feel pressured. I'm so glad you're enjoying the fic!

Thank you so much for the song recs! They all fit so well but especially Glimpse of Us is perfect for Paige and Olivia's relationship honestly.

I'd love your thoughts on if you feel like Die For You would work for the next chapter! I think it would personally.

[beneath-her-soul]

Time check: 0837hrs

Location: Train otw to work

I'm feeling a lil bit anxious right now. I don't know if I can make it on time to chase after the company's transport and also I'm still having dry cough and it's been like this for the past 3 days. I would also like to take my mind off by writing so I feel much calmer.

Over the last weekend, I spend my off days with Mr Husband by going to our first Halloween Horror Night at USS! I've never been to this event during my younger days as I never like crowds, horror, tickets are pricey and I was still schooling and it normally ends late at night hence, I need to have enough money so that I can actually pay for the tickets and taxi fare back home. In summary, it just cost expensive for me to pay for everything because I wasn't yet a working adult and I have curfew.

Mr Husband bought the tickets to surprise me as both of us are virgins for this event and since we're already married, why not right? He made sure I blocked off the date and told me not to make any plans. I was so excited and looking forward to it because it's been awhile since he come up with something for us.

After night shift, I slept for the entire 5hrs and woke up at 5pm to wash up and get ourselves prepared. H told me to wear something comfortable with my tokidoki bag and sports shoe as we're gonna be walking alot on that night. While I was doing my make up, I asked him if we're watching a concert lol 😂 Idk I just want to find out more to see if he's able to keep up with the surprise.

I was terrified at first bcs lol like I told you, I am never a fan of anything horror as it stresses the shit out of me and furthermore, it just makes me overthink when I'm alone. Almost every of the haunted house, I decided to walk infront and prefer H to be at the back bcs I hate it if the ghost starts to scare me from my back like I can't see but I can feel your presence behind me. I was laughing most of the time during the haunted house experience bcs of the other people in it as they were screaming and just trying to avoid getting scare hahaha it was hella funny. I was more fascinated by the works they put it on the set up. Every haunted house has a theme for it and it was well decorated it looks real. The cast look real and they didn't broke out of character.

During the journey to the destination, I somehow got a sense that we're going to go to Sentosa judging by the route we took. We parked our bike at vivo and took the monorail to Sentosa. It was crowded since it's Saturday. (And it's been awhile since I went out on weekends). And tadaaaa, we reached USS! It was crowded as heck and we were already perspiring. Bleargh. We brought our portable fan and it was a huge life saver for us. There were 3 terrifying haunted houses and 3 sinister scare zones. And btw, H also had another surprise by purchasing the express tickets. Homaigod how much have he spent in total just for these. Makes me feel guilty that he's spending so much just for this. But then again, it's worth it bcs the queue was insaneeeee for each of the haunted houses. I think I might just give it a pass if H didn't buy the express tickets.

The last haunted house we went to was The Weeknd: After hours til dawn nightmare. All you see was...... The weeknd, his chopped off head, everything of him. I'm just like 😮 I don't listen to his music but I knew who he was. I was really horrified and disgusted. The Botox face, just everything. But it was well executed I must say.

We did get to ride on mummy and transformers at least. The atmosphere was so lively as it's been such a long time since I attended something like this. Something that makes me feel alive. You know? I've been walking in circles over the last few months and going to this event at 29 years old, hits me differently.

We ended off our night at 0030hrs and head our way home. I kept thanking the husband for the surprise and it was memorable experience for first timers. Alhamdulillah, bucketlist ✅

Update: I made it to catch for my bus.

[estrangedandwayward]

I found this in the notes of a completely unrelated document and wow brutal

[marvelfansince08love]

The Pleasure is all Mine - Chapter 6

Word count: 4250

Pairing: Lou Miller x Female!Reader 

Warning: Angsty as fuuuck - I apologise in advance lmao.

A/N: Sorry for the slow updates... my shift pattern at work as changed so I’ve been working back to back shifts at the hospital, I hope to have my prompt request up in the next two days just before my birthday at the end of the week. Enjoy this chapter.. I had a love/hate relationship with it. 

Fun fact: I listened to ‘Prisoner’, ‘As you are’ and ‘Angel’ by The Weeknd in that order while writing the party scene.. so i feel like they are the songs that were playing at the time. So feel free to listen to those songs while reading if you like!

Thank you @imnotasuperhero you bloody diamond! 

Tags: @waitingfortheendtocome @natasha-danvers @redcrete​ @iamheartless @deadly-darling​ @gaylorrds @smuttty @existentialcrisiscat @saucy-sapphic @veteranwerewolf95​

I do not own this beautiful picture but this is basically how Lou looks in this chapter, so enjoy that image x

Chapter 6 

"Good morning New York City, it's 9am on a sunny saturday -" the ecstatic radio station burst with life, startling me awake. I groan in displeasure as I turn to hit the disturbing box before rolling back over and stretching my tired limbs, my hand brushes against the cool sheets in the empty space beside me making me pout; missing the warmth of Lou wrapped around me in our sleepy state. I hear my phone vibrate on my nightstand making me reach quickly for it, hoping that it's her. My heart flutters, my grin wide making my cheeks ache slightly at the received message.

Good morning beautiful. Waking up this morning without you next to me was dreadful, I miss holding you and watching your nose twitch and your eyelashes flutter as you wake. If waking up in a cold empty bed without you feels this awful I don't ever wanna sleep again - 9.03am 

Good morning to you too, the feeling is definitely mutual. Hopefully we won't have to feel like this soon... say tomorrow night? - 9.04am I reply nervously, hoping I haven't come across as too needy.

Is that a promise? - 9.08 am 

Signed and sealed - 9.10am

I'll be counting down the minutes, baby. Have a lovely day, I'll be thinking of you x - 9.12am

I sigh smitten with this wonderfully charming woman who seems to have my heart racing like no other.

I wish I could wake up every morning with her, I sulk thoughtfully as I begrudgingly leave my bed and head towards the kitchen ready to start the day.

As I continue to make my pancakes; that's not nearly half as good as what Lou makes, a loud knock echoes through my apartment startling me out of my funk. I place the pan onto the side and quickly make my way to the door and open it, revealing Rachel and Luke both with matching cheshire cat grins.

"Well well well, look who slept in her own apartment last night. Oh, but does that mean she's here instead?" Rachel teases while trying to poke her head through the door. I roll my eyes at them playfully before opening the door wider, letting them enter my apartment.

They both rush in and scan the open area in search of a tall blonde goddess making me laugh at the non subtle actions.

"She's not here if you must know. I slept alone last night," I answered with slight disappointment. They both seem to catch on to the tone and smirk wide.

"You wished you hadn't, though. Damn, she must have been good." Luke states, wiggling his eyebrows as Rachel walks towards the kitchen and grabs a bite of my untouched pancakes, chuckling in agreement.

"So I thought we could go shopping and grab a bite to eat before coming back here and starting our movie marathon, maybe order the Chinese later on?" I ask, wanting to change the topic. I got an agreed 'whoop' and an exclaimed 'YES!" from my friends who are far too interested in my breakfast.

Guess I'll add grabbing breakfast while out onto the agenda then I think to myself.

I huff jokingly before telling them to make themselves comfortable while I get changed for the day, already knowing that they always make themselves comfortable in my space.

Once dressed in my high waisted jeans and oversized jumper I make my way over to the two clowns who seem to be messing up my kitchen as they wash up.

"Can you guys ever just come over without making a mess? It's like having two children in the apartment," I laugh at the defensive 'Hey' from the pair before shooing them out of my kitchen and towards the door.

"Come on, I've gotta grab some breakfast considering you both eat mine." I sulk playfully as we make our way out of the apartment and onto the streets of New York.

***

"Alright, but getting kicked out of the store for giving my opinion on that awful flowery dress with those ankle boots was a bit far. If anything, I was helping the poor woman out by stopping her from buying it." Rachel complains while Luke helps carry half of her shopping bags through my apartment, I roll my eyes in slight annoyance already hearing this story three times since being out.

"Rach, we were pretty much finished in there anyway. And "the flower pattern on that dress makes it look like an 80s hippie threw up on you" wasn't very nice," I comment, taking my bags through the apartment towards my room, while they flop onto my sofa, bags still in hand.

I walk back through into the living room and flop down next to them and sigh in relief.

God, I hate and love shopping.

My phone vibrates in my jean pocket and I grin subtly as to not draw attention to the others:

Strawberries or chocolate? - 16.00pm 

Why not both? What's with the weird question? ;) - 16.02pm

Just some useful information to store away for future reference;), I miss you x - 16.04pm

I blush slightly and try to hold back a squeal as I bite gently on my lower lip before pocketing my phone away from potential prying eyes.

"Okay, all that shopping and carrying Miss.fashionista bags around all day is making me hungry, Chinese?" Luke complains, flashing us his emerald green eyes and a pout for good measure making me pout back in mocking sympathy.

"Of course, you big baby. Can't hack shopping with two women." I joke.

"Darling, I've been out of the closet since I walked out of there in my mums six inch stilettos. I can hack shopping with two women," He shoots back, making us all laugh. Rachel grabs her phone from the table in front of us as I grab hold of the menu and recite my usual to her. Once we've ordered, we make our way towards my kitchen to make our crazy cocktails for the afternoon.

Ever since I moved here, it's been a tradition that whenever we all have more than one day off in the week together, we meet up and have a 'friends day/ night gathering'. It all started after Rachel's 'love of her life' decided to run out on her the morning after a drunken night out leaving her crying on my doorstep and a distraught Luke not knowing how to handle a crying female alone. 

We continue to laugh and joke while making terrible margaritas and other alcoholic potions when Harry Styles'  'Adore You' echoes through the kitchen area making us pause as two matching grins face me while I blush under their playful stares.

"Cute," Luke whispers, making me hush them both before removing myself and my phone away from their prying ears.

"Hello you!" I greet with slight flirtation 

"Well if it isn't the voice of my beautiful goddess, I've missed you"

"I've missed you too, you charmer. Do you say that to all of the girls?" I tease, smiling smugly when I hear her laugh loudly.

"You know it's only you baby" she jokes back but the tone of her voice indicates her seriousness, making me smile.

"How was the party planning?" I ask, making my way to my bedroom. 

"It went great actually. We're all pretty set up for later on which is why I'm calling. I forgot to ask yesterday but I got so caught up with everything here I forgot to mention it. I want to informally invite you to Daphne's party tonight, the invite is extended to Rachel and Luke as I know it's your friends night" I smile at that, liking that she remembered.

"I would love to come! I'll double check with them but if there's alcohol involved they're usually up for anything" I joke making us both chuckle.

"Okay great! I'll see you later tonight then?" She says hopefully making my stomach flutter with excitement.

God, it's only been a day and I'm like this I mutter thoughtfully to myself. 

"I'll see you later. It's definitely at your place right?"

"As much as I tried to move it... yes it is," she grumbles all in good nature, I chuckle softly before muttering a goodbye ending the call. Practically skipping my way back to the kitchen where they are both plating up the food that must have just arrived. I excitedly relay the message to my friends, who cheer in response before chatting about what they are going to wear.

Once we have finished our food, Luke and Rachel leave to go and get changed for the party while I fret over my choice of outfit. Deciding that my black dress with off the shoulder straps shows off my curves the best, I slip it on with a pair of black heels. After touching up on my makeup, I curl my hair into loose curls to finish the look.

I really do scrub up well, I think feeling confident with my choice.

My phone lights up with a 'we're here' text from Rachel before I grab my long coat and make my way down the stairs of my apartment building.

***

Lights shine through the warehouse windows with party music blaring through big speakers making the lyrics crystal clear outside, a few party goers chat loudly outside while enjoying a cigarette.

"Oh, my God. I've never been to a celebrity birthday party before!" Luke exclaims, nudging Rachel and pointing towards another movie star that he saw on the big screen one time. I chuckle and shake my head at his starstruck face before looping my arm through his and walking towards the door.

"Luke, Daphne and the rest of them are just like normal regular people relax," I tease while Rachel nods in agreement.

"Yeah, what's so great about Daphne Kluger anyway." Rachel mutters while eyeing a tall tattooed blonde guy standing by the doorway of the entrance, she winks in his direction making him grin back in return. I roll my eyes at her boldness before continuing into the living room area which has been converted into a dance space for the night.

I scan the room searching for a particular blonde with crystal blue eyes but before I can make it further into the room I feel a pair of arms circle around my waist and a light pressure on my shoulder from the chin that's now placed there, soft lips brush gently against my jawline.

"Well, don't you look absolutely stunning. I love the straps on this dress, a lot of access to kiss you more." Her raspy voice sends a shiver down my spine as she places a gentle kiss on my shoulder. I smirk at her forwardness enjoying the feeling of her body against mine. I turn around in her arms to face and gape at her, holding in a groan of pleasure as my eyes scan every inch of her.

No one should look that good in a suit.

She stands in a black suit consisting of a white shirt with a black bowtie that hangs down loosely from under her neck collar. Her blonde hair pulled up in a loose bun leaving her face free, for the first time since meeting her I'm left speechless.

"Oh, dear... it seems I've rendered you speechless. Maybe I should come back once you've regained your senses, hmm?" She mocks with that signature smirk that makes my knees go weak.

"I..um.. you look..."

"Ravishing?" She implies still smirking.

yes

"Amazing was what I was going for... maybe even hot but your cockiness has bumped you down to just amazing," I joke matching her smirk, we stare at each other for a moment appreciating one another when a very loud cough interrupts our staring, making me turn slightly in Lou's arm.

"Well, you must be Lou Miller. I'm Rachel and this is Lucas but he prefers Luke, I see you've been taking up our girls' time lately, you must be really special" She states,  grinning at us both as she holds her hand out for Lou to shake which she happily reaches for while still keeping a secured arm around my waist.

"It's nice to meet you both. Sorry this place is a little crowded, Daphne clearly doesn't understand a small get together" she says, throwing on one of her most charming smiles making Rachel and even Luke giggle. I roll my eyes at their smitten ways.

Guess I'm not the only one that affected by the Miller charm

"Oh leave it out, Miller. You know you like a good party!" Daphne exclaims, stumbling slightly over to us weaving through the crowd of people as Constance and Nine-ball carry over a tray of shots with Rose and Amita trailing behind clearly still sober, ever the responsible two.

"Y/N darling, it's so good to see you again! I'm so glad you could make it!" She slurs, hiccuping in between words occasionally making me chuckle quietly before she pulls me out of Lou's arm and into her own squeezing me tightly. I pat her back gently before muttering "Hey Daphne, it's nice to see you again. Hey guys!" I address the others over Daphne's shoulder who smiles widely and waves while Constance holds up the liquid filled  tray.

"I got shots!" Making everyone cheer even Rose, Daphne let's go of her hold on me and reaches for a glass as Lou steps closer to me and hands me one. We clink our glasses, never taking our eyes off each other before letting the burning liquor trickle down our throats. I cough slightly at the sudden taste before whispering into Lou's ear.

"Where's Tammy and Debbie?" She pulls back long enough for me to see her point upstairs and wiggle her eyebrows at me, making me gasp and giggle at her childish behaviour.

"They'll be down soon though. Tammy's excited to see you again, she can't wait to have someone she can complain to about mine and Debbie's behaviour" she jokes, pouting playfully at me as I cup her cheek and pat it in mocking sympathy.

"Oh, you poor baby. Have you ever thought that maybe she's right to complain about it" I laugh at her offended expression, I notice some of the team looking in our direction not so subtly with small soft smiles while they talk with my friends in our makeshift circle between the bar and dancefloor, clearly enjoying watching me tease their friend.

The night continues on with our back and forth teasing and not to mention the subtle touch of fingertips and the grazed hand over my ass while we spoke with Tammy and Debbie making me scold her softly causing Tammy to laugh and a raised eyebrow and twitch of a smirk from Debbie. Throughout the night I've noticed a particular redhead staring over at us, her expression difficult to read in the dimly lit room as night fell over outside. I brush it off as slight paranoia with being around so many strangers. After a while we both get separated by Lou’s work friends who require her attention at the bar, she frowns in displeasure before I give her a quick kiss on the corner of her mouth and reassure her that I'll be okay. I wandered over to Rachel and Luke who seemed to have departed after the first two rounds of shots at the beginning of the night to go and throw some moves on the dancefloor. Luke catches my eye from the middle of the floor and reaches out his hand for me to take, I giggle as he takes a hold of my hand and twirls me around bringing me close to him before twirling me back out again. Rachel woops next to us, her arm around Daphne's waist making me raise a questioning eyebrow, she blushes and shrugs innocently at me before continuing to dance with her. As Luke twirls me out of his arms again I notice the same red head hovering by the dancefloor however this time she stands next to a tall brunette woman who seems to be whispering into her ear but her eyes never straying from my form. I avert my gaze feeling slightly uncomfortable but become distracted by Luke's ridiculous dancing.

After a while Tammy and Amita join our little duo on the dancefloor, laughing a little at Tammy's 'mum dance'. With all the laughter and alcohol in my system I stagger slightly towards the bathroom needing to pee. The queue is long making me groan and back pedal a little knowing I could always use Lou's en suite if needs be. Before I could fully turn back around a rough hand wraps itself around my bicep making me startle and tense at the unfamiliar touch, I turn to see the same brunette that was standing by the dancefloor with the beautiful redhead earlier.

"If you're looking for Lou, you'll be searching for a while. She kinda pre- occupied" she riddles, her voice hostile as she eyes me, smirking.

"I'm sorry do I know you?" I asked, confused by her behaviour. 

"No, but your girlfriend definitely does" she replies with that stupid smirk still in place. I frown at her childish behaviour wondering exactly how Lou would associate herself with such people.

They certainly aren't like the seven women she usually hangs out with.

"I don't have a girlfriend but if you are referring to Lou I'd appreciate it if you would shut the fuck up when you clearly know nothing" I snap, finally reaching my limit.

Who the hell does she think she is!

She laughs mockingly before replying:

"You got fire behind those eyes kid, she likes that in her women" she mutters standing with her arms crossed as she leans lazily against the wall by the bathroom. I open my mouth to retaliate but is interrupted by Debbie's harsh voice

"I don't recall you being invited, Madison."

Madison's eyes light up with glee and mischief.

"Debbie darling, so nice to see you again. How's Tam Tam?" I look towards Debbie's face, my eyes wide at her stoic expression.

I've never seen her so indifferent before but then again how well do you really know her.

"Get out." She mutters trying to not draw attention to us. Madison rolls her eyes unbothered by Debbie's tone of voice, she pushes away from the wall and brushes harshly past me.

"You might wanna see for yourself. We've all been tangled up in Lou Millers web before. A leopard never changes its spots, dear" she mutters before storming down the hallway and out of the building.

I feel hot tears surface before wiping them away quickly, which doesn't seem to go unnoticed by Debbie who lays a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Don't listen to her, she's a nutcase. She's always wanted Lou" she says quietly while escorting up the stairs and towards Lou's room.

"I'll wait for you out here okay? Go and freshen yourself up, don't show them that you are affected by their words you hear me? Lou really likes you Y/N, ignore the green eyed monsters" and with that she gently pushes me through Lou's doorway and closes it.

Once I've finished up I stand by the bathroom sink and stare at my reflection for a moment taking in my appearance before taking a deep breath and relaxing my shoulders.

I can do this, I reassure myself.

I walk out of the room feeling much better and meet Debbie by the staircase that leads back towards the party, she whispers reassurance in my ear before leaving me with my concerned friends to go and find Tammy.

"Omg Y/N are you okay? Did you get lost in the bathroom or something? Ew, actually I don't want to know what you and Princess Charming have been up to" Rachel says her nose scrunched up at the thought, Daphne giggles loudly next to her.

"Please it's adorable. I've never seen Lou so smitten before" Daphne states drunkenly. I blush at the confession and grin softly feeling less insecure about our developing relationship and less concerned about that woman’s words.

"No actually I um.. I bumped into Debbie upstairs and got chatting but I think I'm gonna go grab a drink ``I state, gaining a cheer from Daphne who leads the way to the makeshift bar where the kitchen island usually is. I scan the room looking for Lou wondering whether I could talk to her in private about my ordeal upstairs with her old 'friend'.

I instantly regret my decision.

I see a gap in between the sea of people showing me Lou standing by the other side of the bar, leaning against it. The redhead from earlier whispers into her ear making Lou shake her head in laughter, the woman fiddles with her bow tie as if to go and tie it but Lou stops her with a shake of her head, her eyes move away from the woman as she scans the room as if searching for someone. As if sensing my presence her eyes turn instantly towards me, her crystal blues widen but before I could see anything else the beat of the music grows silent as Daphne takes the mic from the DJ ready to thank everyone for coming.

I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces, tears run freely down my face as I try to hide within the sea of people on the dance floor all while looking for Rach and Luke. I quickly find them standing at the edge of the dance floor opposite the front door.

Perfect

I quickly grab a hold of Rachel's hand, her eyebrows furrowed at the sight of my distraught face.

"Oh my god, Y/N are you okay? What the hell! Did she do this?! I'll wrap that bow tie around her neck so tight I swear Y/N" I quickly hush her and barely whisper

"Please just get me out of here" with that she nods her head with such determination. Luke wraps my coat around my shoulders and pulls me against him as we walk out of the door while Rachel phones a cab.

"It's gonna take 10 minutes Y/N. I don't know how long we can avoid her for," Rachel says apologetically as she stands close to me. Luke let's go of me and says he's gonna go grab his and Rachel's things and that he'll be as quick as possible.

"It's okay I just need to get out of here" I mutter quietly not trusting my own voice.

Luke rushes out breathing heavily as he passes Rachel her coat.

"She's going insane in there... her and that red head have just had a massive argument and she's asking Debbie where you were. Y/N I think you should at least tell her you are going" Luke reasons.

A leopard never changes its spots, dear

"Oh my god, she was right." I whisper to myself, gaining their attention.

"What do you mean, darling?" Luke asks softly.

"The.. other woman there tonight.. Madison. She warned me, I just never thought Lou..."

"Don't listen to them Y/N. Whatever you saw in there it could have been a misunderstanding, those girls have been eyeing her up all night but Lou only ever had eyes for you" Luke reassures just as the yellow cab arrives out front. We all rush towards it but before I can step into it a hand grabs a hold of my arm gently spinning me around and slamming the door with the other, blocking me from getting in as she boxes me in between her body and the door.

Wet crystal blue eyes stare right back into mine, full of sadness and rage. Her breathing slightly erratic from running around the place, she whispers so desperately, so softly I barely hear her.

"Please don't leave. Please. Let me explain"

She likes that in her women

"Lou let me go, please. I'm just really tired and would like to get some rest. We can talk about this tomorrow okay" I whisper back feeling droplets of rain crash onto my face or is it my tears? I cup her cheek and brush my thumb over her cheekbone wiping away the frustrated tear that seems to have escaped from her eye. 

"Tomorrow" she clarifies with hope.

"Yes tomorrow" I certify making her relax slightly before leaning in and pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth as I turn away slightly still not ready for the contact. I see the hurt and sadness in her eyes as I slowly remove her hand from the top of the car and open the door making her step back. I climb into the car and see Lou press her hand gently against the window briefly, her blue eyes desperate for me to understand. The engine starts up and before I know it her sad form seems to grow smaller and smaller as we disappear back into the city. The last thing I see before going through the gates is Lou run her hands through her hair in frustration as Debbie steps towards her to comfort her. I turn away after that feeling guilty and hurt, the only real comfort I have right now comes from the two hands that hold my own in solidarity. 

Maybe I really don’t know her at all

[asteriismos]

Hold Me Tight or Don’t -- Bill Denbrough

Warning(s) : athletic! bill, SMUT, angst, sexual tension, enemies to lovers, slight choking if you squint

Authors Note : It’s my first time writing in a v long time so hopefully all the dust is brushed off my keyboard lol. Requests are open! I do smut, fluff, angst, imagines, short blurbs, head canons, etc. I also write for every character. Also, the reader and bill are seventeen here in their senior year of high school ok ok so don’t COME FOR ME

Songs to Listen to : Hold Me Tight or Don’t -- Fall Out Boy, Bitch -- Allie X, Often -- The Weeknd

If there is one thing that you knew for certain, it’s that you absolutely loathed Bill Denbrough.

It wasn’t just a small ‘that guy is a jerk’ or ‘I wouldn’t hang out with him outside of school’ kind of thing. No, it was a ‘I would literally pay to see his car burn, no scratch that, I would pay to burn his car’ kind of thing. To you there wasn’t a redeemable quality about him at all, your life would be just fine if he didn’t even exist.

The frustrating thing was that Bill’s mother and your mother were best friends, they have been since they were in high school. Meaning that when they found out they were pregnant at the same time, they vowed to make their babies almost like siblings. Bill and you have been hanging out since you were three days old. At first it was fine, you two seemed to get along just fine for a boy and a girl.

That was until both of you were entering first grade. The two of you were walking to the front door of the Elementary School and he pushed you out of the way, yelling at you that you were ‘in his way’ and that you were ‘a stupid girl.’ It was totally uncalled for, your six year old self cried for days on end because of your seemingly best friends rude behavior. You vowed that you would hate him, that he was the stupid one. But you didn’t want to disappoint your mother, neither did he. So you two secretly began hating each other, only playing nice when your families were around.

That started in first grade, and it was now your senior year of high school where nothing has really changed. Both of you did your own separate things in school. You were part of the student body and was a cheerleader, while he played football, lacrosse, and his personal favorite, baseball. You two still played nice around your families, always giving fake smiles towards each other whenever your mothers wanted to have dinner together. What made it even worse was that now both of your fathers were best friends too, meaning in the summer there were barbecues and ‘family baseball games.’ You always chose to sit out, considering sports were definitely not your thing. Bill called you an array of names like ‘buzzkill’ and ‘sour puss’ for never joining in, not that you cared anyways. You would spit out nicknames right back at him.

It seemed like nothing was going to ever bring you two together.

It was the middle of spring, your senior year. You had been busy sending in college applications for a whole two weeks now, while also juggling your cheer practices and your performances during lacrosse games. The same lacrosse games that Bill always seemed to win for the team. You felt your teeth clench every time someone would mention how perfect Bill was to her. There was nothing worse than an enemy that was constantly trying to one up you, though you had the upper hand in academics at the moment, considering you had a solid A in AP Biology and Bill was sitting with a B+. The terrible thing was that your parents didn't even seem to see that you were better than him, they always continued to praise Bill.

That’s what was happening right now at the dinner table. It was a Friday evening right after the lacrosse game. Bill was still wearing his jersey and you were still sporting your cheerleading uniform. You could've gone up to your room and changed, considering all of you were dining at your house this week, but you were too hungry to even change. Doing kicks and flips were good calorie burners, you had to admit.

“You completely swept that game, Bill,” your mother swooned, passing over the bowl of pasta to your rival. You tried not to physically gag. “You have a really good shot at getting a scholarship to California with the way that you play.”

Of course, your parents could talk to Bill about college, but when you brought it up they would just tell you that they would talk to you about it another day.

“Thank you, Mrs. (Y/L/N),” Bill replied, turning his gaze towards you. He could sense that you wanted to vomit with all the mushy gushy comments towards him, and let me tell you, he was eating it up. He loved to see you annoyed, he enjoyed it more than he probably should. “And must I say, this dinner is great. One of my favorites.”

You snorted so violently that you began to cough on the salad you were eating. Everyone at the table reverted their attention to you, now trying to get oxygen back into your lungs after your coughing fit.

“Is something wrong there, (Y/N)?” Bill asked, pretending to be worried for your well being. He raised an eyebrow with a smirk on his face. Instead of spitting some sort of insult at his face, you composed yourself and stood up, quickly mumbling that you needed to be excused so you could go start your homework. Your mother looked a little confused, but nodded her head and said that that was fine with her.

Once you were upstairs in your room, you looked at yourself in the mirror. You were definitely not a six year old girl anymore. Your slightly chubby baby fat legs had been replaced with long, muscular ones from all of the conditioning in cheer. Your face had gotten slimmer and you replaced your glasses with contacts in the seventh grade. You had to admit, you got hot.

You were just about to raise up your top when the door opened, Bill walking inside your room like he owned the place. Sure, he had been to your house and in your room many times over the years, but that didn’t mean that he could just waltz in here. You had been changing, and you knew that if he had seen anything, he would’ve given you shit about it until the day you died.

“Jesus, do you know how to knock, or does your jock brain not know decent manners?” You spat towards him, turning around to get the embarrassed blush off your face. You heard him close the door and walk farther into your room. “I was just about to change.” You turned around to face him.

Bill scoffed, his eyes rolling as he looked towards you. “Oh please, it’s not like you would’ve minded. Any girl would love to have me walk in on them changing. And I know for a fact that you’re not excluded from the mix, (Y/N),” he replied snarkily.

You couldn’t believe the things that came out of his mouth half the time. The fucking prick.

“In case you haven't noticed, Bill, I’m not pretending to hate you because I secretly like you. I actually, genuinely hate your guts,” you stated.

“You’re such a prude.”

“I am not!”

“Yes you are. Name one party that you’ve gone to this year. That’s right, you can’t-” you opened your mind to try and intrude but he didn't let you, saying,”- and you can’t give me that ‘I haven’t been invited’ bullshit. I know for a fact that you have. Hell, you’re part of the cheerleader squad. I even know that Beverly has tried to get you to at least three parties this month.”

So what? You thought to yourself. Why did Bill even care. It’s not like if you were there he would talk to you anyways. He was just trying to get under your skin.

“What’s your point, Denbrough? Keeping tabs on me now? I’m flattered,” you didn’t even meet his gaze, instead you just walked to sit down at your desk, beginning to take your textbooks out of your overfilling backpack. “Sorry to burst your bubble, but we’re not friends. You’ve made that really clear over the years.”

He grabbed the seat you were sitting on and spun it to face him. His face was dangerously close to yours, you could feel the hot air he breathed out on your face. You licked your lips out of habit, and you could've sworn for a moment that his eyes glanced down at them, until they were back to meeting your own. You wanted to kick him away from you, but the way that he was looking at you was enough to keep you still in your seat.

“My point is,” Bill whispered. “That Richie is throwing a party tomorrow night and to prove that you’re not a prude, go to it. Simple.”

You wanted to tell him no, that you were not in the right mood to go to a party, especially when you had college stuff to do. You had a feeling that Bill wasn’t going to take no for an answer, so for some stupid reason, you muttered a quiet ‘fine.’

Bill grinned, nodding his head.

His mother called for him so that they could leave, and suddenly he was out of your room and outside of your house. You still sat there, a dumbfounded look on your face. And all you could think about was how hot your skin felt against your suddenly tight cheer uniform.

-- The Next Day --

“Come on, (Y/N). Please just get out of the car,” Beverly begged, opening the passengers door of her car where you were seated, her hands pulling you out of her car. You two were outside Richie’s house, late by a good half hour because you threw a fit about what you were even supposed to wear to this party. At this point Bill probably assumed that you weren't going to show up, there were most likely voicemails on your phones answering machine calling you a prude about fifty million times.

This was going to be a big ‘fuck you’ in his face.

Finally, with the help of Stan and Eddie, Beverly got you out of her car and walking to the entrance of the crazy party. You were dressed in a black tank top with checkered shorts and belt, your hair up in a high ponytail so it wouldn’t get in your way when you danced. Once you entered the house you looked around for Bill, butterflies entering your stomach for no apparent reason. You punched yourself in the stomach slightly, wondering why the hell your body was reacting the way it was.

You walked into the kitchen with Bev and saw Bill with Richie, doing what seemed to be shots. Bill finished his line and saw you, a grin the size of Jupiter appearing on his face.

“You two are unbelievable sometimes,” Bev said to Bill and Richie once they walked towards you and her. Richie was obviously fucked up, not just on alcohol but definitely weed as well. You could practically sense the great hangover that awaited him in the morning.

“Oh come on, Bev. You know for a fact that you’re going to be just as bad as Richie in an hour or so,” Bill stated in a matter of fact tone. The music was booming so loud that it was hard to even understand him. You looked at his lips to try and make out the next words he was speaking, but that action caught his attention, he quickly looked towards you with the same smirk he had on in your room just last night. “You should take some pointers from her, (Y/N), she knows how to party, unlike you.”

You were about to swing, you truly were. You were so fed up by his snarky remarks towards you and this was the greatest opportunity to jump him. There were no parents, no teachers, no one even remotely able to pull you off of him once you were there. However, Beverly could sense the tension and quickly spun you away, screaming over the music, “Cool, thanks Bill! We’re going to go dance now.”

She whispered in your ear, “You’re going to get yourself in so much trouble someday when I’m not here. Now, come on. Try to enjoy yourself.”

The next twenty minutes were dedicated to Bev and you dancing. At some point Stan and Mike joined in and suddenly all of you two were laughing and giggling at the stupid dance moves you were all making up. You had to admit, you were having a good time. Finally you could feel yourself let go of all of that rage you had all day and hang out with your closest friends. You forgot that Bill was even there.

That was, until you and Stan started jokingly grinding on each other and you felt a pull on your arm. The force was so strong that you were pulled into the arms of whoever had taken you away from your friends.

“What the fuck, get off of me, creep!” You yelled, turning around to see who the person you were about to sock in the eye was. And much to your annoyance, it was Bill. “Can’t you just leave me alone for one day? First you invite me to this fucking party, and now you won’t even let me party.” He was becoming more of a significant annoyance by the second.

“Come with me, (Y/N).”

“No, what the fuck?”

“I need to talk to you, come on,” he grabbed your hand and pulled your out of the crowd and into the first empty room that he could find. It was Richies parents room, clean and very big. It was surprising that no one had come in here yet to mess it all up.

Bill shut the door behind both of you and looked down at you, you who was now fuming with anger.

“Now that you have me trapped in here, Bill. What the fuck do you want with me?” You yelled, the odds of someone hearing was slim, considering the loud ass music in the background and the sounds of teenagers yelling over it.

“You. You and Stanley? Really (Y/N)?” He asked. “You two can't be together.”

You laughed, genuinely laughed at how stupid he sounded. “Stan and I were just messing around. Since when are you allowed to tell me who I can and can’t dance with? You’re not my fucking babysitter. You’re not my boyfriend.”

Bill got closer and closer to you, his gaze never leaving your own. He laughed, “You know, you’re so aggravating. You never can go one second without insulting me.”

“Says you! You’re not much better. Don’t act like you’re on some high horse, like you’re the victim.” He was so fucking unbelievable.

And suddenly, without any warning, Bill was pressing his lips against your own. You were so shocked that you jumped away, your eyes widening at the sudden contact. What the fuck was happening? Why was Bill kissing you?

And why did you kind of really like it?

You grabbed his face and kissed him again, your body clashing right into his. The reverb of the bass in the song playing outside seemed to set the hot and heavy mood that suddenly came into the room. Bill’s hands didn't hesitate to come to the small of your back, his body engulfing you. He was taller than you and no doubt stronger, so when he started walking towards the bed, leading you as you walked backwards until your legs hit the edge of the bed.

Both of you fell onto the bed, him falling onto you, the hotness of your contact almost burning your fingertips. He stopped kissing your lips and instead began to kiss down your jawline, down to the nape of your neck but stopping at the beginnings of your tank top. Bill looked up at you suggestively and you had to stop yourself from groaning, of course he was going to fucking tease you, of course.

“You can take it off, you know,” You said finally, lifting the hem of your tank top to help him get started. He laughed, saying, “Damn, pushy much?”

He was such a dick, even in this position that both of you were in. But instead of feeling hate towards his snarky remark, you felt lust. Cockiness never looked better on the Denbrough boy.

He pulled up your tank top to reveal your breasts, and his mouth and hands got to work right away. He licked and sucked, then repeated the process until you were a sputtering mess, your cheeks flaring up at the thought of someone you’ve known since childhood seeing you in such a vulnerable position.

“You know, (Y/N), you actually aren't that bad in this position,” Bill mumbled across your skin, going lower down your stomach and looking up at you to see your reaction. You didn't want to moan, because you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of the fact that he was pleasuring you. But you couldn't help yourself, you were a moaning mess. Your hands helped his own with your belt buckle and the zipper of your jeans. You quickly pulled them off and threw them god knows where, watching him pull down your black panties. He came up from in between your legs and kissed you again, one finger suddenly entering inside you. You moaned into his mouth, spewing out a few curse words here and there when he entered another finger, and then another one.

He made marks on your collarbone, on your neck, everywhere that he could mark you he did. His fingers never stopping the constant in and out motion. Bill, the person you absolutely hated, was making you come undone like it was nothing.

You had closed your eyes, your hands going into his hair and pulling when he did something that you liked. But the motion stopped, his fingers came out and never re entered. You wined a little bit, until feeling hot breath against your heat.

“Oh,” you said out loud. He chuckled before diving in, his tongue licking against your clit. The immense wave of pleasure you felt was over you made you almost scream out. He continued this while one hand came up to play with your breasts while the other one entered you again with two fingers. With the amount of pressure he was putting in his motions, you knew you weren't going to last very long. He must’ve known this too, because when your moans got higher and more frequent, he said in a deep voice, “come undone for me, baby.”

And you did. You were a moaning mess, and his tongue was quick to lick up all of you before coming up, looking at the toll that he has done to you so far. You opened up your eyes to meet his own and gave him a confused look. Was he going to continue? Or leave you there to deal with the mess he made of you by yourself?

“You’re still fully clothed, this is no fair,” you muttered, pulling at his blue shirt. Bill only laughed, pulling off his shirt to reveal his abs. You really didn't want to admit it, but Bill was ripped. All those sports seemed to be paying off . . .

“Are you going to stare all day or do you want me to fuck you?” Bill asked, his tone darker and darker than it usually was. You nodded, watching him take off the rest of his clothing. Both of you sat there looking at each other before you began to laugh for no real reason.

“Is this funny or something?” Bill asked, an eyebrow popping up.

“No, it’s just that you and I have known each other since birth, and now we’re about to fuck,” you said, shrugging your shoulders. He himself laughed a small bit before laying his body on top of your own, slamming into you with no hesitation. All your previous thoughts washed away in an instant and you were in a world of ecstasy.

Bill was rather large, larger than you had ever had before. So it took you a moment to adjust to him and finally feel the pleasure of having him inside of you. Your hands went to his shoulders and surprisingly his went to your neck, pinning you down so that you couldn't move. It caught you off guard at first, but you realized that it was super hot to have his muscular hands around your small, delicate neck. You moaned out loudly as you got closer and closer to your high.

“You like that, don’t you?” Bill asked in a cocky tone. “My hands on your neck, controlling you. Who knew you were so kinky?”

You hated to admit that you liked what he was saying.

The quick pace he was going at drew you closer and closer, until you were seeing stars and coming undone under Bill for the second time. He was quick to follow, orgasming and then laying down on top of you. The room smelled of sex, hot and sweaty sex.

You and Bill had hot sex. The thought didn’t even feel real.

Your bodies were almost glued to each other from the sweat, until Bill peeled off you and stood up, looking for his clothing that had been strewn around the room. You were quick to follow, finding your shirt, belt, and shorts. Your underwear had landed on top of the mirror, and as you went to go grab them, you looked at yourself in the mirror. There were marks everywhere on your body. They were on your neck, jawline, collarbone, breasts, and stomach. There were probably more in between your legs as well. Grabbing the underwear, you finally got dressed and tried to make yourself look semi presentable, despite the obvious hickies you couldn't hide with your previous choice in attire for the evening. You stood behind Bill as he went to open the door, however he stopped and turned to look at you, his lips nearing your ear, saying,

“You know (Y/N), you may be a bitch. But you’re sweet, where it counts.”

And with that he was off into the crowd, you lost him within seconds with all the people.

That dick, you thought to yourself, I can’t believe he just left.

You would get him back for that, you just didn't quite know how just yet.

[beyoncesdragon]

blinding lights | pjm

→Pairing: Jimin x Idol/Girlgroup!Reader 

→Summary: Park Jimin was the best thing that had happened to you in a long time and to lose him meant to lose a part of yourself. 

→Warnings: MAJOR angst, heartbreak and doing absolutely miserable, health issues (also due to the breakup) a bit of anxiety before having to perform, the sad truth that Jimin is no longer in your life like he used to be

→Wordcount: 1k

a/n: not me changing my aesthedic with every upload wow yeah, listen I don’t know why I would want to hurt myself by writing this but here we are. I was obviously inspired by the Weeknd’s “Blinding lights” but I think that goes without saying. Enjoy:) 

Masterlist | BTS Masterlist 

“Y/N!” your eyes snapped open and you rose your head from your knees, blinking up to the frowning face of not only your manager but also your makeup artist. They both must have called your name multiple times already, but you had zoned out.

Again.

You were doing that quite often lately, since the breakup. Lost in thoughts, memory, older times, dreams of brighter futures and vivid emotions, back when you had someone next to you to wake up to and a hand to hold.

“Yes?” your voice was rough and throaty, and if the glossy eyes and the just lightly smudged eye-makeup had not been a dead giveaway, your voice definitely was.

Min-Ji sighed softly at the sight of your smudged eyeshadow, carefully bending over and dabbing the wetness off. With a skilled flick of her fluffy brush she concealed any traces of irritated skin underneath your lower lash-line, giving you a court nod. “Don’t cry again, child.” She just ushered and you nodded helplessly. What else were you supposed to do? “Ten minutes.” You nodded, watching the shadow of your manager disappear to a place somewhere in the back. You almost wished you could follow him into the dark.

Suddenly an arm wrapped itself around your shoulders and you looked over to your left. This time, you were met by a much warmer and friendlier look than you had received from the manager and Min-Ji (though, Min-Ji was not one to show much affection anyways), brown eyes gazing straight through you.

Jeong said nothing, just held you a bit tighter as you leaned into her arms. She’s always been the sensitive one of the group, being able to pin down emotions seemingly without fail. She knew how you felt before you yourself realised it.

She had been the first of your other three group members to hear the news and she’s refused to leave your side ever since. Not that the others were unfazed by your suffering, Chaewon had immediately dropped everything and asked for your consent to throw all of his stuff out of the window. It had made you giggle for a bit, right before remembering that you had absolutely no reason to be angry at him. He’d been a good boyfriend and he had ended it in a very kind way. Never cheated, never lead you on and remained honest and fair to the very end. Hana had ordered some food, of which you had ended up eating almost nothing. The wave of self-hate and disgust of your reflection had cut off your throat and threatened to suffocate you ever since.

“Jeong-unnie, it hurts again.” You whispered, trying your best not to cry again. She just carefully placed a hand on over your heart, giving you a warm look. “Here?” you just nodded. “Think of the sun then. Right where my hand is, a warm light.” You took a deep breath with her.

It was a ritual the two of you had started, whenever the realisation of him being gone hit hard again. Which was quite often, especially since you had started to do concerts again. The feeling of warmth on your chest and from her hand and your own imagination made you feel a little bit lighter. But when you opened your eyes, the feeling was melting away again. Jeong caught your eyes glazing over again, right when you opened your eyes. She tightened her arms around you instantly, shaking you softly.

“Stop thinking about him, Y/N-ah, think about the fans you are about to see in a few minutes.” Yes, the fans. The fans you felt like you were disappointing every day a little bit more. You had stopped doing VLives alone, only co-stared in your band members streams and group broadcast. Concerned comments were flooding the comment section ever since, even when you weren’t even on screen.

“She’s lost weight.”

“What is up with her?”

“Y/N-unnie, where is her smile?”

“She is always covered up.”

“She looks so skinny?”

In the studio no one cared, no one could see your face anyways, but in public it was something else. In public, in front of fans and for the fans, nothing that happened in your private life should be noticeable. At least not if it was negative. And you could respect that. really, you could. You didn’t wanted your fans to be worried, to know how sick you had become, how tired and worn out. You didn’t wanted to trouble them because you knew that they would be and you loved them too much to reveal your pain just yet. It had been hard enough to keep the relationship with Jimin a secret, it had pained the both of you. Jimin loved his fans as much as you loved yours and both of you had agreed that you felt like you were somehow lying to them. Well, you wouldn’t have to do that anymore.

The screaming from the fans grew louder of a sudden and you knew that the lights must have went out now.

“You can do it. You’re so strong, Y/N. We all believe in you.” Jeong whispered and you looked up, surprised by the sight of Hana and Chaewon kneeling in front of you too.

“Fighting, babygirl.” Hana whispered with a sad smile, and Chaewon pressed a kiss to your hair. You nodded slowly, giving them grateful looks before Jeong let go of you to take her spot on the platform next to you.

Park Jimin was the best thing that had happened to you in a long time and to lose him meant to lose a part of yourself. You knew it would take a while to rediscover yourself, but now was not the time. The show must go on.

The platform started to go up slowly and you took a deep breath before squeezing your eyes shut. You were deafened by the screaming of the fans, numbed by the loss of your love and blinded by the lights.

fin.

— ✩ thank u for reading ✩ —

[manyothermusingsofmine]

Blinding Lights || Pokemon Drabble (Gym Leader OC)

Summary: Not being able to sleep for whatever reason sucks, but at least in Galar most other towns are within walking distance when you need a change of scenery A/N: I’ve seen quite a few nice oc x canon things floating around the pokemon fandom so I wanted to write some of my own so I just -slides this into the tags.

Honestly this is the first time I actually fully want to introduce an OC to the fandom while I have her pine for my favorite character in the game so I’m actually kinda nervous about this lol

Song is ofcourse The Weeknd - Blinding Lights because it just vibes right, yknow?

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All she heard was the soft ticking of the clock in her room, and her own racing breath as she tried to calm down from jolting awake in the middle of the night.

She had never been particularly fond of the way she dreamed, everything too real and too tangible even if it happened during her slumber.

Levyna’s phone buzzed awake when she grabbed it, the Rotom in in making sure the phone was full of battery life whenever the user needed it, even if that was at half past one in the morning. Scrolling through her contact list, she hovered over one of the names for a while, before pressing down and calling the number.

 “Sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now. Leave your message after the beep and I’ll call you when I can,” informed the voicemail. Figures. Not many people would be up and about at this time.

Stretching her body a little, Levyna sat up and slipped her legs over the edge of the bed. She turned a little bit to look at the sleeping pokemon at the foot of the end- or at least, she thought it had been asleep. However, her Espeon had been silently watching her from the moment she had jolted awake, and gave a curious purr as he felt the eyes of his trainer on him.

“... Do you mind going on a walk with me, Illusion?”

The pokemon stretched as well, before elegantly hopping of the bed and sitting at the door with an agreeing noise. Levyna nodded, getting up and turning on the light in the room so she could see what she was doing while getting dressed.

For a moment she considered taking her headphones along with her, but really, where she was going everyone would be asleep or not even around. So there was no real need for it, was there?

Followed by her Espeon, she made her way out of the small, minor league village of Bellfair, quietly setting foot on the road away from her home.

“Come on, Illusion. Route 7 isn’t far from here. We’ll be there in no time. ” She knew perfectly well why the dilapidated state of Spikemuth didn't sit well with its Gym Leader. Truthfully, nobody would be too happy to see their city fall off the map the way Spikemuth did, to where only 29 residents remained. The town she came from wasn't much bigger in size, perse, but Bellfair got plenty of attention even if it kept flip flopping between being minor or major League.

But to Levyna, Spikemuth was heaven. With team yell on the road to support Marnie in her journey, only a handful of people remained in Spikemuth; most of them asleep around this time as she had expected.

She sighed in a sense of relief when she got to the main stage, momentarily deserted and with most of its neon lights turned off. Sitting down and leaning back on the steps up to the stage, she soaked in the silence around her.

No conscious thoughts to hear aside from her own. No expectations. Just blissful silence, while softly petting the delicate fur of her Espeon who had curled up in her lap.

Illusion however suddenly sat up, letting out a thrilling noise and looked at his owner with a tilted head. A sign to Levyna that he wanted to explore the area, but was unsure if he could leave his owner by herself when he did.

She smiled, very softly petting his head, getting another purr from her partner pokemon.

“It’s okay. You can go explore if you want. I’ll stay here until you’re back, okay?”

Illusion let out a happy noise, slightly wiggling away from her lap before trotting off in an elegant and quick pace. He did momentarily halt and look back at his trainer, as if to make sure she remained where she was, before fully allowing himself to explore the city of Spikemuth.

There were lots of nooks and crannies in the city the Espeon could have explored, but he stuck to most of the main road until said road took a turn left before the entrance of the town. Illusion halted there, seemingly thinking for a moment, before taking the left turn and peaking around the west entrance of the town that was surrounded by high grass, some fencing and some metal containers.

Illusion purred at the shape he saw leaning back against the biggest container at the entrance to the left, going closer to the shape and sitting down next to it.

Piers watched the pokemon from the corner of his eyes, raising an eyebrow as the lilac feline pokemon sat down beside him. Eeveelutions were an uncommon sighting in Spikemuth either way, but an Espeon seemed an far more unlikely eeveelution for any resident to have than an Umbreon.

“Hm. You’re not from around here, are ya, mate?”

He couldn’t help but smile a little as the Espeon purred, leaning over with a hand reaching over in a relaxed way so the pokemon could sniff it. He didn’t plan on petting it necessarily, he just wanted to show that he was not a threat.

“You must be Levyna’s Espeon, then. Didn’t see her coming in. Mind bringing me to her?”

He stood up straight, pressing against one of his shoulders before rolling it back a little, only to follow the pokemon back into his town and along the main road to the stage where he often held his concerts.

Seeing Levyna there in the middle of the night was not much of a surprise, and he didn’t mind keeping her company on the nights she came to Spikemuth if he had been struggling to get to sleep as well.

“Hey,” he greeted, casually, watching as the Espeon that guided him crawled back into the lap of its trainer.

“Hey,” she greeted back, moving just a little bit so there was enough space for him to sit down next to her. Not that there wasn’t, or like Piers took up a lot of space anyway, but it seemed like the polite thing to do.

“I was planning on calling you back, you know. Missed call and all? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just.. you know. Sleeping got hard, wanted to ask if I could come over. Decided to do so anyway. Hope you don’t mind.” “Of course I don’t mind. Beats standing outside on my own.”

A silence fell between them, but it was hardly an awkward silence. In fact, the gaps in their conversation seemed more comforting than anything else. To just sit there, besides one another to enjoy the company offered, in the calm silence of a town that was asleep.. It seemed to calm both of them down, even just a little.

To share space without the expectation of much else was a luxury neither of them could really afford to have more often during the buzzling hours of the day. Not with their responsibilities as gym leaders, and Piers’ responsibilities towards his music career to boot.

Still, Levyna picked up vibes. Bits and pieces of the thoughts and worries on his mind, despite her trying not to listen in on his thoughts out of respect. However, hearing the thoughts of others was something she couldn’t fully block out without her headphones. Still, maybe if she asked it right she could offer some help?

"You seem worried."

"Same goes for you."

… Fair enough. While Piers didn’t share her telepathic abilities, he seemed to know better than anyone else when something was bothering Levyna- maybe it was some body language thing that she never really seemed to understand as it was something she didn’t particularly needed to focus on herself.

Levyna was never too sure how she felt about Piers’ ability to tell when something was up with her. She knew that sounded bad coming from someone who could literally read minds if she didn’t try her best to block out thoughts that weren’t hers, but still. "You're in the major league, Piers. Does… Does it bother you to be a major league gym?"

"I don’t know. Does it bother you to be a minor league player this year?”

"Not particularly... In the background maybe, but... you know what I'm like."

"Mhh… Actually, it’s more… It’s Marnie. She’s at the age where she's ready to take on the gym challenge, so…"

"She'll do great."

“I know. That’s not what I’m worried about. Just.. letting her go, I guess. Letting her go and travel Galar all by herself, cause I’m stuck here being part of the gym challenge she’s going to take.”

Levyna nodded, very lightly patting his shoulder to try and offer sympathy. It was no secret that Piers was protective over Marnie and wanted her safe, especially as he had been more of a parent figure to her than just an older brother. Levyna could only imagine it was hard for him to let her go and spread her wings even if it was the best thing to do for her.

Another silence fell between them as she withdrew her hand to go back to petting Illusion, hoping she had at least given him some comfort.

“… You just want to be there for her when she battles, huh?”

“Yeah. Wish I could be.”

“I don’t think she’s going to hold that against you. She knows you have responsibilities you can’t shake, no matter how much you wish you could. Plus, well, I don’t have siblings, but I bet it’s going to be fun for her to try and beat you on your home turf.”

Piers gave a slight amused huff. Levyna did have somewhat of a point there. He’d be lying himself if he said he wasn’t looking forward to try and beat his little sister himself, and knew she would put up a great fight against him as well. And for Levyna to have so much faith in Marnie making it far into the competition anyway meant a lot to him.

He knew his sister would make it far. But to hear that same faith in her from someone else was nice.

However, that didn’t explain something else that was on his mind. He looked at her, watching as she silently petted the Espeon in her lap. The purrs from the pokemon were the only noises that broke the peaceful silence between them.

He decided to first place a hand upon her upper arm, much like she had offered a similar kind of affection while they spoke of his worries. “So… why are you here, then? I know something's on your mind, Lev. And unlike you I can't exactly peek in to see what's going on. You can tell me anything, you know?"

She looked at the hand that ever so gently had been placed on her upper arm. She wondered if he even knew how much his slight touches calmed down her racing mind.

".... It's nothing. Nothing huge, anyway. Just too many thoughts making the process of actually shutting down my brain and getting some damn sleep incredibly hard and... I mean this in the best way possible, but Spikemuth is.. calm. quiet. I can actually hear myself think around here. I know how that's not something necessarily positive though. Makes me feel like a wandering Absol."

"Didn't realise disaster omens came in hues of purple."

That drew a small laugh out of her as she lightly swatted at his shoulder, fully aware that it was just a joke between friends.

"I'm glad you can find some peace and quiet here, Lev. At least until the gym challenge starts, I suppose."

"Yeah."

They sat there together for quite a while, just talking about the upcoming gym challenge and the differences between the major league qualifications and leader responsibilities in comparison to those of a minor league gym, talking about Marnie and the journey she was soon about to make.

And talking about just anything in between that came to their minds until rays of the sun slowly started to creep through the cracks of the ceiling that kept the whole of Spikemuth protected from the cold weather blowing around route 9. With the hours slowly creeping towards the daylight, Levyna decided it was about time for her to go home and get some rest there. Even just a light nap would help her get through the rest of the day.

Illusion left her lap as she gave even the slightest motion that she wanted to get up. She patted down her clothes a little to make sure there were no weird folds from the way she had been sitting, readjusted her gloves and pulled her fingers through her long blond hair to push it back into shape. She thanked Piers for keeping her company, which he assured was no big deal as he thanked her as well for doing the same for him.

As Levyna told him to take care, she started to walk towards the main entrance of the city. She halted, however, as she got a few steps onto the gym floor where Piers usually held his battles or kept his audience during concert. She bit her lower lip for a moment, thinking about something else she had been wanting to tell him. "Piers-" she started, turning back around towards where he still sat, and immediately held back what she wanted to say. He looked up at the mentioning of his name, looking at her curiously.

"Hmm?"

".... Let me know if there's ever anything I can do for you, okay? You... help me with so much of my problems, and I know you don't do it so I owe you but... I want to help you if you need me to."

"... Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."

With that they said their goodbyes for then, and Levyna walked along the main road before leaving Spikemuth through the main entrance. Standing out on route 9, she sighed before pressing her back against one of the brick pillars that held the shutters in place. She stared down at Illusion who had followed her along, sat down beside her and now seemed to be disappointedly glaring at her.

".... Don't you judge me," she muttered.

"Let's just go home. I have to get some rest before starting the day, anyhow. Hmm… Maybe I could try to visit Milo somewhere in between my breaks. Speaking to him would be nice.”

Illusion just purred in agreement as he followed his trainer home.

 I said, ooh, I'm blinded by the lights. No, I can't sleep until I feel your touch

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2016

I think everyone will agree that 2016 had “Impending Doom” written all over it, and as a result a lot of pop music became very depressed very quickly, and as such, I’m less enthusiastic about this list than some of the previous ones.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

For a year that was so cataclysmic worldwide, 2016 was pretty mundane for me, so let’s just skip to the albums that came out that year and which I consider relevant to my tastes. Obviously (and unfortunately) there was David Bowie with Black Star. We should have known we had jumped right into the Worst Timeline when the year started with the death of Bowie. Nine Inch Nails also released Not The Actual Events, which was pretty good, and as I said previously I consider Coldplay’s A Head Full of Dreams to be more of a 2016 than a 2015 album. And then there was the biggest surprise of all, the return of Enigma after eight years of silence, with the very good Fall Of A Rebel Angel (even if A Posteriori is still my favorite “modern” Enigma album). EDIT: I forgot Ghostlights by Avantasia. Took me YEARS to listen to it & realise how good it was.

But no. Surprisingly enough, my favorite album of the year wasn’t any of those. It was... oh god, that title. Here we go. It was I Like It When You Sleep for You Are So Beautiful yet So Unaware of It by The 1975 - which I like to call “The 1975′s second album” instead, because what the hell, guys. Anyway. It had been a while since I had found a new band I’d consider to be one of my favorite bands. I really liked Chocolate from their previous album but that was it. But this one? What a breath of fresh air. A Change of Heart, She’s American, Please Be Naked, The Ballad Of Me And My Brain, Somebody Else, The Sound, This Must Be My Dream? That’s only the songs I listened to on a loop and that’s already nearly half of the album. Great music, love the vocals, but I especially love the writing, full of strange and awkward details and lines that make everything feel so alive. The first time I listened to some of these songs, some lines actually got a chuckle out of me, like the American girl wanting the narrator to fix his teeth, or him hopping on a bus to ask the passengers if someone found his brain, or his girlfriend complaining about his shoes and his songs then immediately adding “I thought that you were straight, now I’m wondering”.

As someone who’s constantly puzzled by human relationships and tends to act super awkwardly, all of this is extremely relatable. So yeah. Album of the year, love this band - impatiently waiting for that fourth album!

As far as unelligible songs go, as you can guess I’m furious The Sound (The 1975) wasn’t a hit because I was and I’m still listening to it on a loop. And that’s about it. Wait there’s also Kids by One Republic. It was super good. Apart from that, there’s also one (1) elligible song that I’m gonna put on the 2017 list instead because I really struggled to find enough songs I liked for that list, and that particular one is elligible for 2016 thanks to the French year-end list and 2017 thanks to the US year-end list, so eh.

Time for some honorable mentions.

This Girl (Kungs vs Cookin’ on Three Burners) - Number one of the year here. Every time I heard it (and I heard it a lot) I enjoyed it until that wretched drop.

Fast Car (Jonas Blue ft Dakota) - Not a good cover, but I love the original so much I’d be lying if I said I hated this completely.

Sucker for Pain (Lil Wayne & Imagine Dragons) - No, that slow, heavy, tortured beat that all recent Imagine Dragons songs have doesn’t work on topics like being a natural at something, being a believer, or describing thunder. It does work, however, with a chorus saying “I'm just a sucker for pain”.

Cheap Thrills (Sia ft Sean Paul) - Sean Paul, and a song about having fun without any money. Everything I want from an average hit song on the radio.

In the Night (The Weeknd) - This would be much higher if I didn’t find The Weeknd’s upper register slightly painful to listen to.

J’ai Cherché (Amir) - Hey look, the guy France sent to Eurovision that year. He’s still around, too. He’s pretty good, and that song is super cute.

Ride (21 Pilots) - Not the last time they will appear on this list.

Je Suis Chez Moi (Black M) - Pretty good song about racism, and the singer explicitly calls out a far right political figure who said some pretty terrible shit about him, and it’s a good answer.

Perfect (One Direction) - This is just Style by Taylor Swift all over again except slightly less good. But as I said before, copying good songs isn’t always a bad thing.

Human (Rag’n’bone Man) - Would definitely be on the list if listening to it didn’t feel like working.

Into You (Ariana Grande) - The last cut. The ending is wonderful and explosive, it’s just a shame that the entire song doesn’t sound like that.

And now... the list.

10 - Stressed Out (21 Pilots)

US: #5 / FR: #9

Defining song of the entire year, whether you liked it or not.

Fortunately, as you can see, I liked it a lot, even if I don’t have anything interesting to say about it.

9 - Don’t Be So Shy (Imany, Filatov & Karas remix)

US: Not on the list / FR: #2

I often joked that the melody sounded weirdly similar to Goldman’s “Envole-moi” by singing the lyrics of the verses over the Don’t Be So Shy verses, and it fits nearly perfectly. But apart from that, great song, great remix, very overplayed but never to the point of being annoying.

8 - I Took A Pill In Ibiza (Mike Posner)

US: #15 / FR: #29

There’s nothing I could say about this song that Todd hasn’t said before in what I consider to be one of his best reviews, if not the best, so here it is.

7 - Heathens (21 Pilots)

US: #21 / FR: #23

Super ominous and tense. It’s rare when a mostly grey song looks interesting, and this one definitely does. I also like the ending a lot. Don’t hang out with too many toxic people, guys, they will influence you over time.

I had no idea this was made for the Suicide Squad movie until very recently and frankly I wish it hadn’t because it’s way better on its own, especially the hand grenade line which works a lot better as a metaphor for self-destructive tendencies.

6 - Starboy (The Weeknd)

US: #58 / FR: #16

As I said before it took me ages to like The Weeknd. His voice is great but I found most of his songs fairly boring or disliked their lyrics. And then he teamed up with Daft Punk and to be honest, I didn’t even care if the lyrics of this one included weird lines about drugs on furniture, the beat was completely worth it and the singing was great. Not enough to put it on my mp3 playlist, but a delight every time it was on the radio.

5 - Faded (Alan Walker)

US: Not on the list / FR: #11

I adore this post-apocalyptic, contemplative music video. The music itself has this weariness and this quiet despair that felt super relevant, and even the drop is a bit slow instead of energetic. I usually don’t like this kind of song but this one found the perfect balance. If we really need to have more sad, exhausted hit songs, more like this, please.

4 - Closer (The Chainsmokers)

US: #10 / FR: Not on the list

I usually don’t like love songs if they are just that, random love songs without a good melody or good colors or good stories. If the melody isn’t particularly great and the colors boring, it needs to paint an interesting picture, and the more details the better, even if they are super awkward, like, as I said previously, in some of The 1975′s best songs mentioning bad shoes, or people’s jobs, or how a car smells like.

So yeah, what I’m trying to say is that my favorite thing about this song is the over-abundance of weird and kind of off-putting details that most people consider to be its main flaw. To each their own, I guess.

3 - Never Forget You (Zara Larsson & MNEK)

US: #46 / FR: Not on the list

See, this is one of the reasons why I decided to make these lists: to find great stuff I missed over the years. I discovered this song while making the 1.0 version of the lists on a google sheet in early December, and now this has a spot on my mp3 player. And it’s so weird because this song shouldn’t work. The drop is ridiculously lifeless compared to the soaring quality of the chorus and it actively works against the rest of the song. It takes a while to get used to it and I’m still not entirely sure it does work, at all.

But what can I say, framing is, once again, everything, and songs about imaginary friends are super rare, and that music video made me cry and catapulted this song from “that’s pretty good” right into the “holy shit that’s fantastic” category. And it made me rewatch Where The Wild Things Are, so yeah.

2 - Perfect Strangers (Jonas Blue)

US: Not on the list / FR: #70

This, on the other hand, stayed on my mp3 player for about two years, and the music fits the lyrics perfectly. It’s not a groundbreaking song, it’s not even that original, but in such an average year for pop music, “happy energetic song with beautiful colors and nice lyrics” meant the world to me. It’s kind of telling that it was enough to put it as high as #2, though.

1 - Hymn For the Weekend (Coldplay ft Beyoncé)

US: #73 / FR: Not on the list

And with this, Coldplay has officially topped as many of my lists as Linkin Park. If, back when The Scientist dropped, you had told me how much I would love this band in the future, I would have laughed pretty hard, but here we are.

But yeah, it’s one of my favorite songs on the album and it’s a super weird combo of heavy and aerial sounds, soft and super colorful notes, and I love the lyrics that completely mirror that feeling, feeling “drunk and high", “poured on a symphony when I’m low, low, low”. A great party song that’s also strangely melancholic. Exactly what I needed.

And then the Seeb remix happened and added a truely fantastic drop on top of an already great song, like turning the saturation up and adding little pulsing lights and transparency effects and shit. It’s sincerely hypnotic and visually so complex and fragile I’m afraid I won’t be able to draw it if I ever attempt to turn it into a synesthesia drawing. Just like A Sky Full of Stars, I was driving the first time I heard that remix on the radio, and I wasn’t expecting that drop at all, and I was gawking.

Godspeed, Coldplay, I’m so glad you’re still a positive force in my life, especially in these trying times.

Next up: Oh my god are you telling me that after 15 years I can finally put a song from that other band at the top of one of my lists

[harryimaginedstories]

Reminder

Hi! Hope you’re all well. :) It’s in the middle of the night and I have just reread my one shot Party Monster . It got me inspired to write this little story which I hope you will like. It isn’t a part2 but a small story about the same characters. x 

Warnings: Not smut but definitely hinting on it more than once.

Listen to the song ‘Reminder’ by The Weeknd whilst reading this. x

With Harry’s arms wrapped around my waist in a tight hold, the skin of his warm and bare chest pressed to my back and his soft lips nipping and biting the skin at the back of my neck, I felt happy. Every inch of my body was tingling form our earlier activities and my head felt like it was dizzy still. I nestled my face further into the pillow supporting my neck and sighed when I relaxed further into my boyfriend’s body. A hum into my ear had the toes of my feet curl and I whimpered when his teeth grazed the base of my neck, very much aware that he would leave a visible trace on me.

“Harry.”

“Hm?” 

I whined and tried to move, discovering that with his vice of a hold that was impossible. 

“Want to turn over,” I complained, sounding like a child, “Want to see you.” 

“But I like you like this,” Harry replied while his feet rubbed against my calfs and he moved to press himself even more against me, “You’re surprisingly comfy.”

His warm breath fanned over my bare back as he spoke, his body lowering further down until his mouth was pressed against and kissing the bottom of my spine, making me giggle and whine in his arms. His loving kisses tickled my sensitive body, bringing it back to reality after what he’d just finished doing with me. The covers around us exposed our bodies the further he moved down and I hurried to cross my arms and cover my chest. Cold air hit our skin, earning a growl from Harry in discomfort. I tried to wiggle around once more but his hands pressed flat to my stomach and stilled me, allowing him to proceed with kissing my naked skin.  I loved him. I loved him so much it made me half crazy. With his lips on my skin and his lean body practically wrapped around me I couldn’t find anything to complain about.

“Surprisingly?” I asked, feigning to be offended by his words though of course he could read right through me.

Harry chuckled and I shrieked when he bit my hip. “Well, not that surprisingly I guess. Your body is perfect. ”

Blushing I shook my head and hoped my heart would stop its wild jumps in my chest.

“So cuddly,” Harry continued to compliment before raising up long enough for him to turn me flat on my back, body laying sprawled out beneath his as he hovered over me. “My cute girl. So pretty, too. And warm.” 

His nose nudged my cheek as he groaned and I breathed in shakily, fingers fisting the back of his neck. The skin of my stomach shuddered when his chest grazed it as he allowed himself to lay down, keeping most of his weight off me and only burdening me with enough to let me know that he was here, with me, which was just what I needed after tonight. My eyes searched to lock with his and suddenly my throat felt very dry. The sparkling green orbs changed and Harry frowned when he observed the change in my expression.

“Baby,” he breathed, lips ghosting over my own, “what’s the matter?”

“Are Jamie and Kim going to split up?”

Jamie and Kim were two of Harry’s acquaintances, people he liked to spend time with but did not consider his friends, especially since he knew that I didn’t like either of them at all. Jamie was a funny guy, however one drink too much and he could get quite handsy. He never touched me inappropriately, Harry would have murdered him had he tried, but he liked to wrap his arm around people or rest his hand on the shoulder of the person he was slurring his stories to and that I could not stand. And Kim... well, she wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed and that could be exhausting after some time.

Harry sighed at my question and let his head fall to rest on my shoulder. His fingers lazily drew patterns over the skin right under my breast and I was reminded of how incredibly comfortable I felt with him. There was nothing awkward about being naked with Harry and that made my heart burst with happiness. 

“Why are you asking me that?” he looked at me with confusion written all over his face.

I shrugged and gently scratched the back of his neck to soothe him. Perhaps mentioning another guy’s name whilst laying in Harry’s bed wasn’t the best idea. “He cheated on her. In front of all of us... I mean she must be-”

Devastated. But Kim’s heart wasn’t soft enough to get sad. I lowered my gaze to Harry’s chest, only looking at him again when his lips kissed my temple.

I sighed. “Surely she must be furious.”

“Very. Slapped him left and right according to Nick’s texts,” Harry shook his head and pulled me closer into him, “M’glad we left before all the drama started.”

Tonight Harry and I had gone to a club Jamie always liked to talk about, which was surprisingly fun. Harry normally never took me with him when he went out, always insisting that he rather not see me surrounded by drunken and overly confident males, but tonight we had decided to celebrate. So I’d gone out with Harry always hovering around right beside me, one of his hands touching my body at all times to keep me close and looked after. No one even dared to as much as look at me the wrong way, not with the tall man kissing and holding onto my body as if we were tied together by an invisible bond. It had been fun. He sure knew how to dance and it’d been thrilling to make out like teenagers in the middle of a dance floor, not caring at all about the people watching us with envious eyes. The fun had come to a quick end when Jamie decided to cheat on his girlfriend Kim by kissing a girl and letting her grope him as if they weren’t in public. Any other girl, me included, would have broken down in tears and been upset upon witnessing such thing, but Kim... oh no. She was ruthless when angry and so Harry had pulled me away and he’d hurried to get me home before we’d be pulled into the mess that was sure to follow Jamie’s actions.

Harry frowned upon inspecting my breast from up close, “I don’t remember leaving a hickey here.”

His finger pressed to the red skin of my left breast and I tensed, shifting and winding in his embrace.

“That hurts,” I whined, “it’s sensitive.”

Instantly his hand fell away and instead his lips pressed a soft kiss to the skin. “M’sorry, baby.”

His nose nudged and rubbed against the mark. “Looks good on you though.”

“You’re changing the subject.”

My arms wrapped around his neck and Harry intertwined our legs once more. “Why you want to talk about people’s relationship you don’t even like is beyond me. There are at least two things I would much rather talk about.” 

I batted the hand travelling to my right breast away. “Because I want to hear your opinion.”

“Kim’s a pain,” he said lightly, “Can’t stand her and m’not surprised that Jamie’s got fed up with their relationship.”

“Let me sit up.” 

My voice was tense and this time when I moved Harry loosened his hold and allowed me to escape his embrace. Again I crossed my arms over my breasts to shield them from his view and though Harry was confused by my sudden change in behaviour he didn’t hesitate to pick the shirt he’d worn that day up from the bottom of the bed and hand it to me. Wordlessly I slipped it on, moved away from the middle of the bed and sat by its edge. 

“What did I say?” his voice asked from behind me, “S’wrong now? You don’t like her either, Y/N.” 

“No, but saying that she’s a bitch and deserves to be cheated on isn’t the greatest thing to hear from one’s boyfriend, okay? You’re basically defending what Jamie did.” 

“Hey now.” Harry sat up and I almost pulled away when his hand pressed flat against my back, “Don’t put words into my mouth.” 

“I’m not,” I insisted, saddened by his rough words against a woman who’d just been humiliated, “You said that, Harry.”

Harry sighed and I heard the covers ruffle when he crawled over to where I was sitting. His chest pressed to my back and when his arms wrapped around my body there was nothing in me that wanted to fight him off. I whimpered when his lips pressed to the sensitive skin of my neck and just like always I was at his mercy the moment he started to kiss me there. The feeling of Harry pulling me onto his body and back into bed left my legs as weak as jelly, especially when he went to lay back down with me right on top of him. 

I whined. “Harry, don’t, please. I’m mad at you and rather not be in bed with you right now.”

“I don’t think that what he did is okay,” Harry spoke into my ear, not loosening his hold for once, “M’not defending him cheating on her.”

“Let go.”

“Stop it, Y/N, you aren’t angry with me. You’re worried. And I don’t have a clue why so please just tell me what your pretty head is burdening you with so we can go to sleep.”

Harry was right, of course and I was glad he held me to him, but there was no way of telling him what was going on without making him angry.

“What’s the matter?” 

“I think Jamie is the asshole. Not Kim.”

“Both of them are,” Harry agreed into my neck, “S’hard to like her company and he... is an impossible guy. Wouldn’t want to date either of them, that’s for sure. Which is why I got myself a very lovely girlfriend of my own and now why do we have to talk about this when I would so much rather have you sleep happily by my side?”

A deep sigh fell from my mouth and I could feel Harry relax under me when my hands intertwined with his, giving him a clear sign that I was no longer mad at him.

“Do you think cheating is okay?” 

He groaned. “No, Y/N, I don’t.” 

“Stop acting as if I’m annoying you by questioning what you just said. You’re the one who’s first reaction to Jamie cheating on Kim is telling me that she’s awful anyway.”

My body was pushed off his chest and this time when my eyes found Harry’s I saw no confusion in his gaze. Instead both of his palms settled on my hips and my cheek was kissed by his mouth noisily. 

“Y/N, my love,” Harry spoke, voice sweet and gentle. One of his hands caressed my cheek and when I closed my eyes I could feel the familiarity of his lips ghosting over my closed lids, “I would never cheat on you.”

The promise was made without any kind of hesitation in his tone, like he hadn’t even for a moment considered to say anything else. 

“I never needed anyone the way I do you and by this point I can’t even as much as think about being with another girl.”

“But-”

“No,” Harry shook his head. His hand grasped by chin to hold my head in place and when he kissed me I couldn’t do anything but let him distract me from my worries long enough to make any doubt go away. It didn’t take long. The pressure of his mouth was just the reassurance I needed, his familiar hands caressing my face, hair and neck and the groan falling from his throat when my own fingers fisted his hair and scratched his back let me know that just like I couldn’t want anyone else, Harry didn’t want anyone but me either.  When he granted my aching lips a break I found myself smiling and breathing him in.

“Would you forgive me if I cheated on you?” 

Harry’s question came out neutral and with eyes full of love I didn’t feel the dread of worry I’d felt only a moment ago.

“No,” I murmured truthfully, “I wouldn’t.” 

His hand found mine and he raised it to his lips. “Good. It’s never going to become a situation where you have to make such a choice, that I promise you. But I am glad you know that no man should ever do to you what Jamie did to Kim.”

I leaned in and kissed his jaw. “I love you Harry.” 

Harry chuckled and I cried out when his teeth bit my ear right after he whispered how beautiful I looked to him in this moment. I pressed my open palms against his chest, caressing his soft skin and making him disconnect his teeth from my ear with a low growl. Leaning in I nudged my nose with his jaw, pressed a kiss to his chin and embraced his neck tightly. He held me close enough for me to feel his heartbeat under his skin and with his leg intertwined with mine I was unable to escape, not that I could have ever wanted to anyway.

“I love you a lot, Y/N.”

The way he spoke the words made them sound like a promise and I was calmer than ever before. Harry was good to me, looked after me and with him I was safe. Never before had I felt this good in my life. 

“You really wouldn’t ever let me down, would you?” 

He shook his head and I kissed him, giving him all the promises there were to make. 

I hope you like this! I have an idea and I hope you will be as excited about this as I am: One of my current fav artists is The Weeknd and I would really like to write several one shots that are related to each other by being inspired by his songs. Much like this one as well as ‘Party Monster’ they wouldn’t be about the things he’s singing about, but influenced by the mood he sets with his melodies.

Masterlist

[randombeau]

Letter From A Thief

It feels like this year was just stolen from us. Stating the obvious, this has been a really shitty year for a myriad of reasons. This pandemic has stolen concerts, movies, and even going out to a restaurant. It’s made even an introvert like myself go out of his mind. One of the only things saving my sanity has been a handful of albums and tracks released this year that I can listen to while riding a bike or talking a walk around the neighborhood as I continue to wait for the world to come back. It’s been a long time since I’ve been back to this blog and I have to say I’m kinda pissed that I can’t add all the music videos to the list like the past, but that really keeps with the theme of disappointments in 2020. I’m gonna try not to go into these tracks with too much depth like I have in the past, but I’m not promising anything. Just remember this isn’t the best tracks of the year. It’s just the ones I enjoyed the most. Well, I’ve wasted enough time this year so let’s get to this list.

*Here’s a iTunes playlist link for those drinking the Apple Kool-Aid:

https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/top-20-songs-of-2020/pl.u-oZylaMlTAYYJz

20.     Genocidal Humanoidz - System of a Down

           It’s been 15 freaking years since SOAD released new music and damn it was too long. The group has been rumored for years to be making a new album only to dash the hopes of fans, but 2020 finally saw the band release two new tracks. Always being very political, the increased tensions and fighting between Armenia and the Republic of Artsakh have brought the group out of hiding to drop a pair of bangers. All proceeds raised from the tracks have gone straight to humanitarian needs for displaced families of the war. The lead single, Protect the Land, was the main piece of work that address the bands emotions and feelings on the current situation, but they attached the previously written Genocidal Humanoidz to bring a little more heat and boy do they bring it. Both tracks are worthy of the band they come from, but Genocidal Humanoidz just gets the blood pumping like it’s the early 2000’s again.

https://youtu.be/_74nVpLVn9Q

19.     Oh My My - Blue October

           Blue October? Aren’t they just a one-hit wonder? Well kinda, as they only pushed into the mainstream stratosphere with their self-destructive anthem “Hate Me” in 2006. There have been a few gems here and there, but nothing that would really catch most people’s ears. However, this new release just has a bouncy infectious beat that draws you in. Just one of those tracks that makes a long car ride feel not that long. In a year that was filled with very little to feel good about this was a nice little bright spot.

https://youtu.be/IRzvkWVWmA0

18.     6 Feet Away - Chromeo

           So many bands tried to write songs that captured the feelings and political implications surrounding this pandemic, but nothing worked as well as the funky beats and soothing vocals of David "Dave 1" Macklovitch and Patrick "P-Thugg" Gemayel as they weave a tail of love, attraction, and social responsibility. There are so many clever lyrics that are laced through this jam it’s impressive how easy it’s also to just bob your head to the beat.

https://youtu.be/CPTCrqyf6os

17.     I Want More - KALEO

           While this track was dropped before the pandemic was in full swing it encapsulates a feeling that a lot of people are experiencing because of it. The singer expresses this longing for emotional connection he is missing, but it’s not nearly as depressing as it sounds. The bluesy track manages to portray a sense of hopefulness that even though this connection is currently missing you feel that he will find it and somehow things will be alright. I think that’s a sentiment everyone wants to share in.

https://youtu.be/iKd4diJRkPo

16.     Cyr - Smashing Pumpkins

           The Smashing Pumpkins, basically Billy Corgan at this point, have not been at the top of their game in a long time and while the album doesn’t offer a lot of praise, this track harkens back to the Cure/Depeche Mode sounds of the Smashing Pumpkins past. Easy listening synth lines drive the track forward and while the conclusion it pushes towards isn’t exciting the journey to get there is enjoyable.

https://youtu.be/2AN_GRWlU7k

15.     Red Skies (feat. Dr. Disrespect) - J + 1

           I know, let me explain. First, I’ll admit I’ve been stuck inside for most of this year working from home and I’ve been watching a little too much YouTube and Twitch streams, but dammit is Dr. Disrespect entertaining to watch. This Magnum P.I. mustache, Mel Gibson Lethal Weapon mullet sporting dude just has that je ne sais quoi. That being said, this little track feels like it was plucked right out of the 1980’s or at least from the soundtrack of that cool ass Ryan Gosling film ‘Drive’. The melodic synths that push the song through its sub 3-minute play time just vibe so well that when the guitar comes in the bridge it’s like you’re taking a neon trip to another time. I just love it, sorry not sorry.

https://youtu.be/CakgCPl3mlE

14.     Ohms - Deftones

           Need me some Deftones, simple as that. Chino and company have delivered an album filled the aggressiveness of a 16-year-old. I’ll admit I didn’t gel with the whole album as much as previous entries, but this title track is a joy to listen to. The speedy guitar riffs and how the track itself just continues to pick up steam as it blazes toward the end is worth the price of entry in itself.

https://youtu.be/KUDbj0oeAj0

13.     Phobia - Nothing But Thieves

           It’s a known story that on Nirvana’s breakout album, ‘Nevermind’, the band was having a hard time recording the track ‘Lithium’ because Dave Grohl kept speeding the song up to a breakneck pace so they brought in a click track for him to stay on the correct pace. As Dave tells it, having to play to a click track is like having the human part of you just ripped out. In this track, it sounds like the band takes that click track and throws it out the fucking window around the 1:45 mark because this song builds and builds toward a manic conclusion that finishes with an orgasmic ending and if that’s not a human feeling I don’t know what is. In the words of 20-year-old, this track is a fucking banger.

https://youtu.be/vQThlhgiysw

12.     The Adults are Talking - The Strokes

           Honestly, this entire Strokes album could fill this list. This was my favorite album of the year and I could sit and listen to the whole thing front to back without skipping a track. That doesn’t happen a whole lot. This upbeat opener just sets the stage for an album that feels fresh and peppy. That’s saying something because most of the tracks are hitting around the 5-minute mark yet it never feels like it. The chorus is catchy, the verses are esoteric, and the track goes through several different instrumental shifts that it never gets boring or bogged down. Also, a highlight is Julian’s falsetto, which is actually really great. This track just paved the way for an album that I’d be listening to a lot.

https://youtu.be/ewOPQZZn4SY

11.     Caution - The Killers

           I’ve been listening to The Killers since 2004 when a friend gave me a copy of their debut album. Been a fan since then and while a lot of what they’ve released in the 2010’s has been a lot of hit or miss, there is always a few catchy gems in each album. This is certainly one of them. The track does lean on some of those Springsteen feelings that the band has become known for, but there’s no denying that The Killers can make some great heartland rock songs. Essentially, that’s what this song is falling back on. Brandon Flowers sings charismatically about how this woman protagonist isn’t going to follow the safe path traveled and she’s gonna throw caution to the wind and follow her dreams. It’s a track with an uplifting story and it’s got some great searing guitar riffs. I’m a simple man, I don’t need much.

https://youtu.be/WrpBgN_iUnA

10.     JU$T (feat. Pharrell Williams & Zack de la Rocha) - Run The Jewels

           It is amazing how smooth this track is because it dropped just as all the BLM and racial injustice issues started really gaining traction this last year like they wrote it the day it dropped. A song with a lyrical commentary on the unjust economic system in our county really hits home at the point in time that it was needed come out. Not only does this track have something to say, it also delivers its message in a slick way. El-P and Killer Mike breath fire, as they usually do, but the addition of Zack de la Rocha of Rage Against the Machine fame is really the cherry on top. The last time RTJ collaborated with Zack was for the amazing ‘Close Your Eyes (And Count to F**k)’, which was an amazing social commentary on the senseless violence between cops and minorities. This new track hits home just as hard.

https://youtu.be/32hUIGnMpOY

9.     Must Stop (feat. Sarah Barthel of Phantogram)

           Give me a duet between a male and female singer, lyrics about their lack of self-worth, and constantly being emotionally hurt and you’ve got a hit ballad. Alright, I’ve just broken down this track to its most basic elements and if you didn’t know I could have easily been talking about ‘Somebody I Used to Know’ by Goyte. Still, it’s an contagious track that has been stuck in my head since it dropped in October.

https://youtu.be/wNeyh_pfd8Q

8.     Think About Things - Daði Freyr

           This is the second Icelandic group to end up on my top song list this year and I blame social media for this one. This song was so catchy and the TikTok videos surrounding it made me laugh that it just ear-wormed its way into my head. The beat is so catchy and the background vocals are these heavenly voices that it’s hard not to tap your foot in beat with it. Also, one point of interest is the music video feels like it took the awkwardness right out of Napoleon Dynamite. That’s not a bad thing.

https://youtu.be/VFZNvj-HfBU

7.     Save Your Tears - The Weeknd

           I’m just gonna start by saying The Weeknd got freaking shafted at the Grammys this year. This is my favorite album he’s put out since I downloaded the ‘House of Balloons’ mix tape in 2011 and the best direction change for an artist in the last decade. The introduction of the 80’s synths and groovy basslines are so contagious that the internet roar from the lack of any acknowledgement from the academy was completely justified in my eyes. This track in particular features a shimmering melody as Abel bears his relationship failings. The opening bassline is more addictive than the cocaine Abel sung about on ‘Can’t Feel My Face’. It’s simply a well-made and beautiful piece of pop music. And if you ask why ‘Blinding Lights’ isn’t on my list it’s because it dropped as a single in 2019 and it’s already on that list.

https://youtu.be/XXYlFuWEuKI

6.     Lost in Yesterday - Tame Impala

           Some songs make my top lists for reasons that don’t necessarily have anything to do with how the song is constructed. While this track from Tame Impala is certainly catchy it makes it so far up my list for another reason. Kevin Parker echoes the nostalgia of old memories and how even the bad ones turn into good ones after enough time goes by. This track dragged up memories of driving 50+ miles in the wrong direction with my best friend as we made our way to Havasu. That was a shitty experience that turned into one of the fondest memories I have of a friend that’s no longer around to make more of those memories with. The song asks, “Does it help to get lost in yesterday” and I can answer this one very clearly. Yes, yes it does.

https://youtu.be/utCjuKDXQsE

5.     At the Door - The Strokes

           This is the most stripped back The Strokes have ever been. They tried something in this vain back with ‘Call Me Back’ on their album Angles, but not to this result. Typically, the vocals are layered behind a wall of guitars, bass, and distortion, but here Julian’s vocals are laid bare and it rightfully calls more attention to the emotions of the song. Emotions are what you really must hold onto in a Strokes song because like the previous entry, these lyrics are shrouded in metaphors. It certainly doesn’t take away from the track because the feeling of dread and being unable to escape comes across clearly as the heavy synths propel you forward. When the bridge finally comes in with its angelic vocals and 70’s induced sound waves it’s just a pleasure to listen to.

https://youtu.be/9CAz_vvsK9M

4.     No Time to Die - Billie Eilish

           Trying to follow singers Adele and Sam Smith can’t be an easy task, but especially following them in singing the opening number to the next Bond film. Thinking of singers that could fill those shoes I struggle to understand how the pop sensation Billie Eilish came to be the one producers turned to, but damn does it work. The melody is quintessential Bond. The horns, the background strings, and orchestral flourishes are all tried and true parts of a Bond song, but Eilish surprisingly works well in those confines and even reaches beyond her normal range in the backend of the track to show us she’s more than the whisper quiet singer we typically hear. There is still a lot here that is classic Eilish and it does change the normal Bond track from these high soaring ballads into something I’d say is more noir and moodier. I think the best description would be to call this a PB and chocolate accident. I didn’t think they’d go together, but they really do.

https://youtu.be/BboMpayJomw

3.     Dragonball Durag - Thundercat

This song is like being soulfully harmonized by a R&B group in front of a fire, but the fire is coming from a dumpster. There is some amazing basslines coming out of this track and Thundercat marriages them perfectly to some truly funny lines that had me chuckling while I grooved along with the song. The vocal delivery is perfect and it brought back memories of my #2 song of 2016, Childish Gambino’s ‘Redbone’. I can certainly use more of these groovy tracks in my life.

https://youtu.be/ormQQG2UhtQ

2.     Ode to the Mets - The Strokes

Like I said way back over there, The Strokes album could have filled my entire list, but this ending track takes the number 2 spot on this year’s list. The closing ballad goes through a roller coaster of melodic changes while keeping the tonal feeling of disappointment towards something or someone remains constant. Others have tried to decipher exactly what is being said and it’s always different. I think it’s up to the listener to determine and it’s different for everyone. We’ve all got someone or something we love, but continues to come up short. I think the best thing about this track is how it’s able to build a sense of urgency, but still end up in a quiet place but the end. Sort of like the ending of The Graduate. Yeah, this song is the end of The Graduate. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

https://youtu.be/BjC0KUxiMhc

1.     Run - Joji

There is a pitch perfect clarity to Joji that he never displayed before. Let’s be clear here, this is not a classically trained singer. This is a former crass YouTuber that has somehow belted out the most beautiful ballad this year for me. This really came out of the proverbial left field and actually shocked me. While previous works have relied on R&B and keyboard hooks, this track features an electric guitar that is woven through the track, but as the bridge comes the guitar flies into an amazing solo performance and builds and builds with a wail as Joji comes in for the finish with “I know you’ve not in love”. This is a dark morose track that fills the room with a vague sadness and the soaring guitar finish is just the high this low needs. I absolutely loved it.

https://youtu.be/P2YYk-oZFyI

[charmed-henry]

Henry’s Spotify “On Repeat” 

For people who don’t use Spotify, “On Repeat” is exactly what it sounds like-- just a playlist of the songs you listen to alllll the time. Since I don’t really have a cohesive theme for these, I figured I’d do what I think is on Henry’s “On Repeat.” But actually now that I’ve made the list, I think there are two categories of songs here: high-energy songs that hype Henry up when he’s partying or studying, and more mellow tunes for when he’s in his feels. (And yes the majority of them are extremely basic because that’s who Henry is). Enjoy!

1. I Don’t Care by Ed Sheeran & Justin Bieber

'Cause I don't care when I'm with my baby, yeah All the bad things disappear And you're making me feel like maybe I am somebody I can deal with the bad nights When I'm with my baby, yeah Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

So this is literally the most basic song that I can think of that is popular in the UK (in the US too but literally when I was in London I just heard it EVERYWHERE). As we have discussed Henry has an extremely basic taste in music. But this song also just reminds me of being out at a club with your friends and good vibes and Henry would totally jam out to it without any self-awareness.

2. I Wanna Hold Your Hand by The Beatles

Oh please, say to me You'll let me be your man And please, say to me You'll let me hold your hand You'll let me hold your hand I wanna hold your hand

As I mentioned on Twitter, Henry loves the Beatles. And this is just such a Henry song. Def evokes some nostalgia for old-fashioned love stories, and Henry is very old-fashioned. It’s also an extremely catchy song and something I picture Henry whistling as he walks down the street.

3. Blinding Lights by The Weeknd

I said, ooh, I'm blinded by the lights No, I can't sleep until I feel your touch I said, ooh, I'm drowning in the night Oh, when I'm like this, you're the one I trust Hey, hey, hey

This song is just a bop. And it’s been pretty popular for the past few months so Henry would have heard it on the radio. Probably gets Henry really amped up to do something intense like write a paper or go hunt mythical creatures. I totally think he would have roped people into doing the TikTok challenge with him for this song. 

4. Shotgun by George Ezra.

Time flies by in the yellow and green Stick around and you'll see what I mean There's a mountaintop that I'm dreaming of If you need me you know where I'll be

I'll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun Feeling like a someone (someone)

The vibes in this song are off the charts. Just amazing vibes. Makes you want to go on vacation to Australia with your friends and scuba dive and sit on the beach all day. That is totally Henry’s kind of party and he probably associates this song with good summer memories and fancy vacays. Also another song that was very popular this year.

5. Romeo and Juliet by Dire Straits

"Juliet, the dice was loaded from the start And I bet, and you exploded into my heart And I forget, I forget the movie song When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?"

Come on it’s about Romeo and Juliet I had to!! Anyway there are a couple of songs on this that Henry listens to when he’s feeling ~emo in love~ and a little bit ~heartsick~ if you get the vibe. This is definitely one of them.

6. Castle on a Hill by Ed Sheeran

I'm on my way Driving at 90 down those country lanes Singing to "Tiny Dancer" And I miss the way you make me feel, and it's real We watched the sunset over the castle on the hill

Sorry more Ed Sheeran. Henry is all about #brotherhood and I think this song would make him feel nostalgic for memories he doesn’t even have yet lol. But I can actually see him relating to it and just being excited to make memories in college and stuff. This song was really big when it first came out and Henry is def still into it.

7. Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi

Now the day bleeds Into nightfall And you're not here To get me through it all I let my guard down And then you pulled the rug I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

Had to throw a real sad bop in here. Another song I legit heard everywhere in London. Sometimes you just have to put on Someone You Loved and have sadboi hours. I don’t know if Henry has any deep connection to this song but I think everyone has those moments where you just wanna put on some sad tunes and be emo.

8. 500 Miles by The Proclaimers

But I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles To fall down at your door

Da da da (da da da) Da da da (da da da)

Da da da dun diddle un diddle un diddle uh da

Another older song that's extremely catchy. Henry would go absolutely nuts if this came on at a party, jumping around and yelling the “dadadadas” etc. He definitely listens to it while doing homework and stuff because it reminds him of those memories and it’s a fun vibe.

9. Steal My Girl by One Direction

Everybody wanna steal my girl Everybody wanna take her heart away Couple billion in the whole wide world Find another one 'cause she belongs to me

Listen. Henry would never admit that he loves One Direction, but he loves One Direction. If it’s ever playing, if it ever comes up on his “On Repeat,” his excuse is that his sisters must have hacked his Spotify account, but he secretly loves it. It is true that he got into One Direction because his sisters had a huge 1D phase, but Henry is fully a Directioner as well. Steal My Girl still holds up for him.

10. Alison by Elvis Costello

I'm not gonna get too sentimental Like those other sticky valentines 'Cause I don't know if you are loving somebody I only know it isn't mine

Allison, I know this world is killing you Oh, Allison, my aim is true

Yeah I think this basically captures Henry’s energy lol. Another emo-staring-out-the-window-being-the-main-character song. Also I can see him getting up and singing this at karaoke at the end of the night while very intoxicated like that just seems like such a Henry move.

[justanotherbuckydevotee]

Only You To Trust (AU) - final

Word Count: 1,419 words Summary: All the glitz and glam that LA is known for only served to hide the painful truth about people. Inspired by The Hills by The Weeknd Warning(s): Angst. Sadness. But I guess there’s a happy ending? A/N: Oh look at that! two updates in a day lol. Final part! I didn’t think I would enjoy this but I did. My first Clint fic written for @caplansteverogers. I hope you enjoy this and apology if it didn’t come to any expectations.  Please note that English isn’t my main language. Hope you enjoy. Any feedback is welcomed

masterlist

part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || Part 4

When the car halted to a stop, you immediately unbuckled your seatbelt itching to get out, to flee. When you stepped out of the vehicle, you were eternally grateful for the absence of papz, your eyes only finding staff members and your team crowding around a private jet on the tarmac.

“Good morning, ms. (y/l/n)” a man greeted you when you reached the steps of the jet, his hand extending to you. You accept his gesture. “Please, just all me (y/n)” you smiled.

“I’m Phil Coulson, your pilot” he introduces himself with a warm smile, before gesturing to the women next to him. “This is Melinda May, my co-pilot. Thanks for choosing to fly with us”

You make small talk, thanking them both for the sponsorship and letting his staff take your things to be settled inside, before making your way into the small aircraft. Wanda was already settled comfortably in her seat, sipping a cup of coffee when you entered.

“Hey” she greeted as you take the empty seat across from her. There’s still some tension between you and her, but gradually she’s easing you back in. The fairly recent drama somehow manages to put a strain in your friendship with her and Pietro, but you don’t want to confront to them about it. You’re just glad they decided not to break away from your crew, opting to stay instead.

“Hey” you say right back. “Excited to go to Singapore?” you ask.

“Hell yeah. I hope you brought enough bikinis and dresses with you. I’m ready to relax and unwind” she smiles, taking another sip of her beverage.

“Ah. The words every big brother would want to hear from their little sister” Pietro chimes in with a playful smile.

“You’re only 12 minutes older than me”

There’s laughter bubbling from all of you, and it made you miss the days where everything was simple; before your team grew bigger, before you were signed by legitimate modelling agencies and television producers. Your job didn’t include pulling acts and making set-ups then, only simply posing and saying the right things. Sure, the lifestyle you’ve gained was beyond satisfactory, a luxury you dreamed since the beginning, but was the cost of it all worth it?

Soon the captain announces you’ll be taking off shortly. When the jet lifts itself off the tarmac, your eyes feast in the aerial view of the city below, your heart for the first time feeling a sense of easiness. You release a long sigh as you close your eyes. Finally.

Aside from the stops between Heathrow and Dubai airports, the journey was quiet uneventful. Everyone was either sleeping or watching a movie from their tablets, the long flight providing the only rest their bodies needed before the cycle begins again. So it was expected that when you landed after a 29-hour flight, everyone looked like they’d woken up form a slumber party. You were no exception as you stepped out clad in your pajama set. Thankfully it was nighttime when you arrived, though it didn’t deter a few people with cameras from appearing.

Your eyes were drooping during the drive to your hotel, and you surprised even yourself when you managed to properly walk to your private suite, the hotel personnel hauling your bags and belongings for you.

Though you were exhausted, tired from the long flight where the aftermath made your body scream to sleep on the king sized bed they’d provided, the sight of someone sitting on the balcony of your room had surged in enough energy to ignore the temptation to lie down.

He looked like he’d been waiting for you, clad in his sweatpants and hoodie.

You were shocked, confused as you stood in the middle of the room, feet glued in place. Why was he here? Shouldn’t he be somewhere else?

He steps forward, sliding the door behind him closed. “Hey you” he greets.

Clint is here. Physically here. Clint Barton is in your room right now, with his hair slightly tousled as he takes in your clearly stunned form.

“What are you doing here?” you ask once the surprise subsides. “Aren’t you supposed to be in Europe?”

He shakes his head before saying “I’m where I should be”

“You’ve been silent for weeks, Clint” you murmured, too tired to yell. “The last thing you said was ‘I’m sorry’ in text” you continued. “You left me with nothing but that. I had to endure so much shit from the press while you were off in some exotic place with Natasha” you said with clenched jaw, gritting your teeth.

“I know, and I’m really sorry for that. I just needed to break it off with her before coming here”

“And you didn’t think to tell me?”

He sighs, bowing his head in defeat momentarily, before looking at you again. “I thought… I thought you were still with Bucky” he stammered. When you said nothing, he continued. “There wasn’t any news about you two so I thought you were still with him. Until I bumped into Steve”

“He told me what happened, right after giving me a black eye for doing that to his best friend”

Again, he’s left with silence. You’re tired to make sense of this right now, everything inside of you needing to shut down.

“I know you’re tired so just listen to me” he pleads, his hand grabbing hold of your forearm before dragging you to the couch and sit.

“I know I left you in the dark, to deal with so much crap from everyone” he began, “and I’m sorry. Truly I am. I should’ve stepped up and said something but I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire. I realize now that was a selfish and coward move, but (y/n), you have to believe me when I say this”

“It’s you. It’s been you the moment we met” he confesses.

“We started this on shaky foundations, I know, but you can’t deny that morning. I know you felt it too”

He’s looking at you with those sincere blue eyes, pulling you back to him. He’s trying to anchor you back, finally letting himself be honest with you in this moment after so many times denying it.

The break-up he had with Natasha was imminent. When he came to her, she was already waiting for him. There was screaming, tears and a whole lot of throwing stuff, but it ended with regretful apologies. She acknowledges she’s been gone for too long, and he acknowledges his mistakes. They spend a few days mourning over the loss of what could have been, but the time came when they must depart. The good-bye was bittersweet as Natasha pecked his cheek with a sentimental meaning, before going off.

“I want to make us happen. But I understand if you need time. Just tell me you need space” he finishes his speech, letting you soak up what he’s said.

It’s true. You think about that morning often, the words he said in that intimate moment haunting you in the nights where sleep evades you. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you hadn’t missed his arms wrapped around your waistline, hadn’t missed his touch. You’re still quiet in place, not really sure what to say to him.

He takes it as a sign to let you be. So he traces his hand over yours for a brief moment, before standing up and going to your door.

“Stay” you whisper before his hand could turn the knob around. He stops for a moment, unsure if he’d heard you right. He turns to see you standing now, arms wrapped around yourself as if you’re unsure yourself.

“Stay” you repeated, this time more assurance in your voice as you walk over to him. “I want you to stay. We’ll figure this out as we go along, but right now I want you to stay with me”

That was all he needed to hear from you, before he engulfs you in his arm, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into him.

“We’ll make this work” he mumbles in your hair, inhaling lungful your scent when he feels your tender touch around him.

True, your relationship with him started with profane acts, breaking hearts along the way, but it didn’t matter to you both for now. Not when it could lead to you both finally having each other, to completely understand the commitment it needs to work this out, someone to call your own.

thanks for reading!  tagging: my angst royalty babes @hellomissmabel @minervaem @rotisserierogers @captnbarnesrogers @alphaabucky @heartmade-writingbucky @buchananbarnestrash @buckyywiththegoodhair @barnes-heaven || @corie-the-writer || @lovely-geek @iamwarrenspeace

send an ask if you want to be tagged in any writings

[solastia]

As You Are | 1

BTS Song Series: "As You Are,“ The Weeknd

Pairing: Yoongi X OC (Yong Sun). Also, pay attention to the other characters. We’ll see them again in the rest of my BTS Song Series.

Word Count:  4,390

Genre & Warnings: I suppose we can call this angst but there will be romance. I like happy endings. And smut.

Note: Before anyone gets mad, and is all “What do you know? How dare you write about things you don’t understand.” Trust me, I understand. This work is one I’ve been debating writing for awhile, not knowing how I felt about it, because Sun is basically me. I’ve gone through a lot of this. Every emotion she feels is one that I’ve felt. Well, except for getting my big break. Still am at the working a shitty job phase. I would also like to state that if anyone reading this deals with abuse or knows of someone dealing with abuse, I am a safe space. Feel free to talk to me. I’ve been where you are, and I understand. 

Also, WOW this ended up being pretty long. I just got so invested in the story and couldn’t stop. 

Yong Sun was tired. So fucking tired of everything.

Sunny, as she was known to her best friends (They thought it was hilarious because she was anything but Sunny), shuffled into the tiny studio apartment, throwing her bag into a corner before falling into the nearest bundle of blankets. She shared the tiny space with her younger sister Mina, as well as the five girls that were once part of her Kpop group. Rose, Lily, Ruby, Hana, and Nara. All the girls except Nara had their names legally changed while they were still trainees. Even Sunny and Mina, because Sunny’s old name represented evil to her. She chose Yong as their new last name. It meant Dragon. It made her feel strong. And she had to be strong for her girls. For her sister, who was her entire world. It was Mina’s dream to be an idol, and it made Sun happy to help her. They still treated Sunny like she was the leader of their group. The group that never got to debut that is. They’d all left that horrible company that they’d trained at for years together. And now they all starved together. Yay sisterhood.

 Sunny sighed and looked around. There was no real furniture anywhere. They couldn’t afford it and didn’t have space. Just seven bundles of blankets, a plastic dresser for all of their clothes, and her keyboard in the corner. She looked at it for a second, debating whether she felt like playing, and decided against it. It would take an act of God to get her to move right now. She’d just finished another agonizing twelve-hour shift at her most recent shitty job at a grocery store, and it felt like every bone in her body ached. Unfortunately, she was also hungry, but the chances of there being anything to eat in the house were slim, so she decided to just sleep it off. 

She’d finally started to doze off when her phone rang. She assumed it would be her sister, so she answered without looking. She shot up as she listened to the person on the other end, eyes widening, unable to say more than yes or thank you and goodbye. Sunny pressed the end call button and stared at her phone. This was going to change everything. They had a chance. Sunny almost felt like crying. She’d been trying so hard to keep everything together for her girls. 

She heard keys turn in the lock, and looked up to see everyone returning together, a couple of them with shopping bags after going to the convenience store for a cheap dinner. 

“Holy fuck you guys! You will not believe who the hell just called me. Bang freaking PD.” She was practically screeching at this point. 

 “What?” Mina looked at Sunny like she’d finally lost it, setting her groceries down and sharing a look with the others. 

"I know this sounds insane, and I still don’t really believe anything. Like, why the hell would he call us? And why would HE call us, not a secretary? But he says they want to try out putting together a girls group. And guess who they want?”

“Are you kidding me right now?” Lily screamed. “How does he even know about us?”

 “I guess someone from our old company mentioned us, and that would be perfect for what he had in mind, but he wants us to come in and show him what we can do in person. We’re going tomorrow at noon. Tomorrow is a new beginning.” Sunny grinned at the group of six girls in front of her, everyone squealing in unison. 

The next day they found themselves in front of a group of people, all of them feeling a bit like performing monkeys, but excited. Sunny did her best to not show how nervous she was, hiding behind a veil of skepticism. It wasn’t that hard to fake though. She still wasn’t sure if this was really happening. On the table before them was Bang PD himself, along with a handful of other people, and one face she recognized. Obviously, this was the culprit that must have told Bang PD about them. Her old vocal coach from the company from hell. He shot her a cheeky grin, and she raised an eyebrow and snorted at him in response. 

One of the people at the table before them, a very scary looking older woman, gave them the nod that indicated they wanted them to start. Sunny looked over at her girls and gave a similar nod, and they all got into position. Rather than using some song or dance that they no doubt had seen a million times before, the girls had decided to use one of their own original pieces. Though they’d left their previous company, they’d still kept up with their practice and creating on their own. The music started and Sunny blocked out the faces in front of them, focusing on the music. She didn’t need to watch and see if her girls were doing well; She knew they would. Sunny lost herself in the song, throwing every bit of desperation and hope into it that she could. They had to make it. As the last note died down, she came back to herself, putting her shields back up and smirking at the people before her. Eyebrows were raised, Coach Nate was all smiles and thumbs up. She was pleased with the response, but only one of their opinions mattered. She looked over at Bang PD and suddenly felt lightheaded. He was smiling too and clapping. They were saved!

A slight movement caught her eye and she peered over at the double doors in the back of the room. Min Yoongi himself stood there, watching them. Sunny would die before admitting this to anyone, but she’d had a thing for him for awhile. He was so very talented. And pretty. She wondered if he was unhappy about this new change for his company. His face gave away nothing of his opinion on the performance. He noticed her looking and stared for a minute before turning and leaving. Sunny was a little disappointed, but she shrugged and turned her attention back to Bang PD. He was telling them that they were in, and what to expect from now on. As the people left, Nate came over yelling with excitement.

"Am I great or what? I knew he’d love you, girls!” They all rushed to hug him, except Sunny, who elected to grin at him from the table she was leaning against.

“Ah, but the question is, what are you doing here Nate?” She asked in a slow drawl, curious but not unhappy. He was, after all, one of the few people she had been able to stand at that God forsaken place.

“It’s Coach, or Coach Nate for the millionth time, Sun.” He chuckled. “I left them a while ago. I had been thinking about leaving there for some time, but about six months after you guys left, I found out the truth of WHY you left. That was the last straw. I decided that I would sing your praises to any that would listen. I got this job last month, and I’ve been bothering everyone here about you guys since then. I’m sorry for what happened. I feel like shit that I didn’t know and wasn’t able to help. I’ve sent anonymous tips to newspapers and stuff since.” He looked apologetically at Mina, and she patted his arm.

Sunny didn’t like to talk about that time, so she cleared her throat. “Moving on to other matters, let’s go pack! They said we can move into our dorms on Monday, so we have to get everything taken care of. Luckily for us, we’re the poor girl’s club, so there’s less to do.” Sunny chuckled, shrugging back into her leather jacket, and leading her girls to the exit like ducklings.

“See ya on Monday, Nate!" 

"COACH!”

“Whatever.”

Monday came and they found themselves staring up at the building that was to be their new home. The woman that introduced herself as their manager explained that they would be on the second floor, with two girls to a room. The funny thing was, she said that like she was apologizing, not knowing that it sounded like heaven to the girls. Manager Kim showed them around the spacious dorm room, apologizing over and over again about size or sharing rooms, or even that there was no vanity lighting in the bathroom. Sunny just wanted her to shut up because she was just thrilled there seemed to be working hot water.

“Now, the biggest issue is that you are not the only group using this building. The top floor is being used by BTS. There is security roaming the buildings inside and outside, and of course, I will be available for you 24/7. However, with a group that big, there are always fans trying to find the place or the ones that have found it are always trying to take pictures or sneak in. Therefore, you won’t be able to leave the dorms without an escort.” Manager Kim rambled as she made her way back to the front door. “I’ll leave you girls to get comfortable. Be sure to call me if you need absolutely anything. I’m on the same floor.”

Finally, she was gone and the girls turned to each other, squealing. They paired off rooms with each other, leaving Sunny to have a room to herself, at Mina’s insistence. Sunny didn’t mind at all. She’d never had a room to herself before, and it was kind of exciting. Before doing anything, she set up her precious keyboard in front of a window in the living room that had a great view of the outside. 

She stroked the keys and smiled. She was actually looking forward to playing again. Finally, she made her way to her bedroom and threw her bag on the ground before looking around. It was already partially furnished. Bed, desk, nightstand…already more furniture than she’d had before. She flopped onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. This all felt so much like a dream, and she really hoped it wasn’t. 

She hadn’t felt this hopeful…in a long time. Not since both she and Mina had passed auditions at the other company. That hope had died out after years of bullying and harsh training, only to get passed up again and again as newer trainees debuted instead of them. She needed this to work. THEY needed this to work. She was tired of having nothing, tired of seeing her girls hungry and exhausted. She was just tired….

The doorbell woke her up two hours later, and Sunny shot up, startled. She hadn’t even meant to fall asleep, but the bed was so comfortable. She got up and stretched, knowing her back was going to hurt her later after years of sleeping on the floor and padded her way out to the living room.

“PIZZA DELIVERY!” A deep voice boomed as Rose opened the front door to reveal six members of BTS holding a ton of pizza boxes. They all gave a quick bow and started walking inside, as the girls exchanged looks of amusement.

“We remembered our first night in the dorms. There was no food, and we were too shy to ask for some sent to us, so we thought we’d bring this by. It’s also so we can get to know our new neighbors!” Hoseok explained, grinning as introductions were made.

The girls had obviously been exploring while Sunny had been napping, because they’d found all the dishes and cups they’d need and set the table, talking and laughing with the boys like they’d known each other forever. She’d merely exchanged polite smiles and accepted the pizza that Jin handed her. She’d never been great with meeting people, not knowing what the hell she was supposed to say. Hoseok seemed to know how she felt because he plopped down next to her at the table and started asking questions, mostly about the music and what they knew how to do. She had to admit they were all nice. They seemed to know how to make all the girls comfortable and were fun to talk to. Although, the blushes that kept showing up on Mina’s face whenever Hoseok talked to her were worrisome.

“Aren’t you guys going to get into trouble for being here? I’m sure they would freak if they found out.” Sunny asked, looking at Namjoon.

He shrugged. “They’ll probably say something, but they haven’t stated any official rules yet. You’re the first girls in the company, remember? I’m sure as long as we behave ourselves, it won’t be a big issue.”

“Aw, do we have to? I’m not good at the whole behaving thing.” Hana joked, earning a laugh from around the table.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang again, and the girls looked at each other like they just summoned trouble.

Namjoon saw their faces and chuckled, getting up to get the door. “Don’t worry. I texted Yoongi to let him know we were here if he gets hungry. He was writing earlier and couldn’t leave.”

Sunny stiffened at that and held her breath. She wasn’t really sure why she would react like that, but ever since she’s seen him watching them the other day, she’d been wondering when she’d run into him again. She watched as the door opened to reveal a tired looking, and slightly uncomfortable, Min Yoongi. Namjoon led him over to the table where he simply nodded at everyone, accepted a plate of pizza from Jimin, and started to eat without saying a word. Sunny thought she caught him glancing her way a few times, but decided she must be thinking too much into it.

An hour later everything was cleaned up and they were all relaxing in the living room, the boys telling stories of the year they debuted. It helped now that the girls had an idea of what to expect, and they appreciated the advice. Even Yoongi had chimed in a few times. Jungkook was being nosy and looking around the dorms when he spotted the keyboard. 

“Oh, who plays?” Jungkook exclaimed, pointing at it.

“Sunny does! She’s so good too. When we were in training, it only took a couple months before she started sounding like she’d been playing her whole life.” Mina was smiling at her, making Sunny feel like a spotlight was shining right on her face. She knew what was coming next.

“Play something, Sissy!” Mina clapped and pointed at the keyboard.

With a groan, Sunny got up and started walking over. As she sat, sneaked a glance over at Yoongi. She was a little embarrassed to be playing in front of someone who was known to be good on the piano, but a part of her wanted to show off a little too. He wasn’t the only one in the world who could be good at something. 

She looked down at the keys, stroking them in thought, before looking out the window she’d placed the piano in front of. She’d always wanted a spot like this for her piano, so she could play and look out at the world. She let her hands move across the keys as she stared out into the sky. She put everything into the song. All of her hopes for the future, her love for her girls, her desire to happy for once in her life, despite the demons that lived inside her. 

She didn’t even notice the room had gone quiet or feel the intense stare of the man watching as she let a piece of her soul exit through her fingers. Sunny finally came back to herself as she played the last note, and just stopped, looking down at her hands. Cheers erupted and they were all clapping behind her. She could hear the boys occasional “WOW” or “So Cool.” Embarrassed by the attention, she waited until she could compose herself before turning back around, only to catch Yoongi’s eyes. He just stared, expressionless, just looking at her. Finally, there was a small smile, that left as quickly as it had come.

“Well, this has been fun.” He drawled, getting up from the couch. “We all have to get going now though. Busy day tomorrow.” He walked out the front door, not even checking to see if the rest of the boys were behind him. The others got up, apologizing, and they left too, promising to stop by again soon to see how things were going. As soon as the door closed on the last member, all the girls looked at each other, before laughing.

The next few months were a blur of activity. None of the girls needed much training since they’d already trained for years. Most of what needed doing were promotions and getting their songs put together. Luckily, everyone had loved the original music that the girls had been working on, and all that they needed to do was record everything. They’d released their first full music video last month, and it was being well received. They’d been able to stay true to themselves and go with their own style. Part of the reason they’d hadn’t gone far in their old company was that they hadn’t been willing to go Bubblegum pop. Sunny still had nightmares of the fluffy dress they’d tried to make her wear. They’d even had a say in the naming of their group. Sunny named them Phoenix. It seemed fitting for the group that died and came back to life. Fans were popping up everywhere and saying how excited they were for an edgy, fierce girl group. All of the girls were getting excited. This was it. They’d made it.

Sunny was having the time of her life. She was starting to feel like everything was going great. All of her girls were happy. She was happy because Mina was happy. She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d seen Mina frown. She knew to keep her guard up, but maybe, just a little bit, she could try to let loose and enjoy this adventure.

She was in her little studio, her second home as the others called it, working on a new melody that had been stuck in her head all day when someone came in to hand her some mail. They’d started receiving fan mail recently, and most of the girls were loving it. Sunny thought most of it ridiculous since nine times out of ten it was someone proposing. Occasionally, she got a letter from someone worth reading. Her favorite had been when a little girl sent her a letter and a picture of her learning the piano so she could play their song. She had to admit she had a bit of a soft spot for kids. She’d starting taking over reading the fan mail herself when Ruby screamed after getting her sixth dick pic. Sunny pointed out with a grin that it was actually sweet since they took the time and money to print it out for her. Ruby was not amused. 

Chuckling at the memory, Sunny reached in and picked a letter at random. It had no return address, which was odd. She shrugged and opened it, pulling out the letter.

My dearest daughters….

Oh dear God, no. Fucking no. 

The letter was shaking in her hands and she wanted to pass out, but she forced herself to read the rest of it, before letting it fall to the ground.

Mina, she had to find Mina. 

Sunny ran to the dance studio, where she knew Mina would be practicing. Slamming open the door, she looked inside and found her in there, along with a coach and some of the boys from BTS. It looked like they were teaching her some of their dances. They all looked over at the sound of the door, but she didn’t spare them a glance as she stared at Mina. When she finally felt she could talk without screaming, she grabbed at Mina’s wrist.

“Have someone take you home. Close all the curtains, lock the door and prop something in front of it. I’ll make sure that there is security in front of the door.” Sunny knows she’s growling and sounding insane, but she doesn’t care. All she knows is Mina needs to be safe.

“Sun, what’s going on? It’s not…” Mina whispered, her eyes going big and Sunny could feel her start to tremble.

“It is. Go. Now.” Sunny yelled, watching as the girls left, confused and worried, Mina following behind them starting to cry.

Sunny hated seeing her cry.

Not realizing she wasn’t alone, she finally let loose her inner rage and slammed her fist into the dance mirror, screaming. She welcomed the pain in her hand and looked down. She’d managed to keep hold of a shard of the glass. She stared at it. It would be so easy. No one really needed her. Mina was with a company that could take care of her now. It was obvious Sunny would never be happy. She’d had a glimpse of peace and now he was here as if to remind her that she was shit and always would be. She couldn’t let him get a hold of her again. She couldn’t handle that nightmare. She closed her hand around the glass. If she just ended it now, she would be free.

Someone suddenly grabbed her and pried her hand open. 

“Drop it,” Yoongi growled in her ear, wrapping his hand around her wrist and applying pressure.

She gave in with a cry, the glass shattering at her feet, her palm dripping with blood, and he moved his hand from her wrist to wrap an arm around her waist and pull her closer.

“I wasn’t actually going to do it. I was just…” she sobbed.

“I know. Believe me, I know.” He sighed, propping his chin on her head.

They stayed like that for awhile, letting her get it all out. Finally, she started to calm down and wiped at her tears.

“I’m fine.”

“Okay.”

“Really, I’m fine.” She just couldn’t stop trembling. 

“Alright,” Yoongi kept his arm wrapped around her torso. “Just be fine sitting here with me for a few seconds, yeah? My legs are pretty tired…”

“Do you want to do that really gross thing where we sit here and talk about our feelings?” he asked, pulling her down to sit on the practice room floor.

She let out a weak chuckle and nodded. She needed to tell someone in case the worst happened, not because she wanted to actually tell Yoongi her fucked up story.  

“He’s back.” she started, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. She fucking hated feeling this way.

“My Father. He left a long time ago. Not that we minded. He was a monster.” She explained, looking at the floor, not wanting to see the judgmental look that she was sure would be there on his face. “He hurt us, a lot. I did everything I could to spare Mina, but he got to her too sometimes. There were…other things too, but…yeah. We went through a lot after he left, trying to take care of ourselves, and we were sure we’d never have to see him again. We even changed our names, and he hasn’t seen us since we were young. I didn’t think he’d recognize us. He sent me a letter saying he wants to meet.” Sunny closed her eyes again, trying to calm herself mentally. 

“Do you want to meet up with him?” Yoongi asked, grabbing her chin gently and forcing her to look at him. 

“Fuck no!” 

“Then don’t.” Yoongi lifted an eyebrow at her as if that should have been the common sense answer. 

“You don’t understand. If I don’t meet up with him, probably to give him money or something, he’ll go after Mina. That can’t happen.” Sunny explains in a rush, clenching her teeth. “He knows I’ll do anything to keep him away from her, so that’s exactly what he’ll try to do.” 

“We’ll talk to everyone that needs to know and let them know you guys need extra detail. Make sure you carry something with you at all times for protection. We’ll even let you borrow Sejin; He’s huge.” he grins, and Sunny gives a weak chuckle. It’s not untrue. Manager Sejin was a teddy bear, but a HUGE teddy bear. 

“Thank you Yoongi.” Sunny whispers, pausing before adding, “For everything.” 

“Yeah. It’s…look, I’ve been there alright? Just…talk to me if you feel like that again. You know where to find me. Now go get that hand taken care of. It’s going to leave a badass scar. Tell them you fought off Ninjas or something.” 

Yoongi helps Sunny to her feet and walks out of the room without another glance. She watched the back of him until he disappeared around the corner. She wasn’t sure if what she was feeling right now was the beginning of love or if she just felt really grateful, but she felt something. 

A week went by without issue. Yoongi had obviously talked to someone, probably Bang PD himself because security had been tightened not just around the dorms, but whenever the girls left as well. They usually had at least three big security guys with them at all times. Sunny had also gotten back into her childhood habit of glancing around every room she was in to make sure there was something nearby to be used as a weapon. She kept knives strapped to her ankle whenever they left. Most importantly, she made sure Mina was protected 24/7. 

Today had been a long day. They’d had their first TV performance, and it really drained Sunny. As much as she loved music, it was hard getting used to the thousands of stares and knowing everyone was judging you. She sighed as she got out of the company van and started walking up the cobblestone path to their dorms. A hand snaked out and slammed her against the side of the building, where the view was shadowed by shrubs and a large tree. 

“Did you miss me?”

[Chapter 2]

[albumoftheweek]

Album of the Week - 37

Kalispera kiddo!!!! Tell me - Did you think I forgot?!?! Well I didn't. 

So the feedback was that Jamie xx was a great choice of album and you enjoyed it.  Although I don't know how it's accompanied you while in Greece, I'm pretty sure it would have been nice while you were traveling!

Anyway; Jamie xx plays on the main stage of Lovebox next week.  And we shall be there.  But just after him....  Only a few minutes after Jamie xx's show ends...  At dusk, with the beautiful red London sky above us...  There will be a show that you and I have been talking about since before Christmas...  A show that has made it into one of the top things I wanted US to do this year...  

And with that in mind, and to make sure you enjoy it as much as possible:

Frank Ocean - Channel Orange

You already know how much I love Frank Ocean.  You know how his last album (Blonde) kept us company for most of last year.  You know he's one of my favourite modern artists.  Must I remind you that we went to this random shop in Charlotte Street last year to see if we could get our hands onto his new album and book (I bet you forgot that)!?

Well it was during our bus ride to Charlotte Street that I played you a song from Frank's first proper album, Channel Orange.  Channel Orange is considered one of the best albums of this decade (came out in 2012), and catapulted Frank Ocean to the mainstream.  (I reckon I spent most of 2012 listening to this album :)...  The duo of "Bad Religion" and "Pink Matter" are my favourites, "Pyramids" is a 9 minute epic (listen to the synth that makes it into a disco/pop anthem, in between a lyrical story about Cleopatra, both as a queen of Egypt but also as a stripper in a stripclub) and "Lost" is downright addictive!  But dare I say your favourite (and first single) will be "Thinkin' About You".

Frank Ocean started out as a member of hip hop band Odd Future.  He wasn't even the most famous member of that band (Tyler, The Creator was), but quickly moved on and made a crossover R&B, mini album called Nostalgia, Ultra.  That's when I got introduced to him, and I really liked the mini album, but I did not expect Channel Orange!  It really took me by surprise.  The focus and preciseness of the album, coupled with Frank's amazing voice and massive scope made it a great album!  And the style of music is quite different.  It's not hip hop.  It's not pop.  It's not real R&B.  It reminded me of the first EP by The Weeknd (def AoTW candidate), but it was a lot more subtle, a lot more wide in scope and showcased Frank Ocean as a diverse, uncompromising talent.

A letter that accompanied the album launch raised questions about Frank's sexuality and his possibly bisexuality at that (which he hinted on throughout the album), but also helped promote the album and created a weird crossover hype about it.  It worked wonders!  The album was an underground, commercial success and Frank Ocean became the voice of the tumblr generation (I mean... I had to mention that with my recent tumblr escapades). 

The most compelling thing about Frank Ocean is that you listen to this album (and Blonde) and you feel that his best work is yet to come.  That he still has a lot of musical ground to cover and great songs to write.  And that is why I am so looking forward to listening to him on July 14th.  It isn't very often that you get a chance to hear a great artist live in their artistic peak.  But this promises to be one of those times.

So listen to this album kiddo!  And here's to having a few pints together listening to Frank Ocean under the aforementioned red London sky next Friday.

Love you - and can't wait to see you tomorrow. xxxxx

http://open.spotify.com/album/623Ef2ZEB3Njklix4PC0Rs

[anovelposer]

y tho?

why make a tumblr?

I’m not entirely sure, to be honest, and I think that’s fine enough. Sure, there are whispers of reasons, small pricks of what could be classified as notions - almost like when you have a tiny piece of god-knows-what stuck in some part of your teeth that is, undoubtedly, an extradimensional portal to a location you’ll never actually reach. You just feel it, you’re aware of it, annoyingly so, and regardless of the herculean effort your tongue might make to dislodge it, it’s there. Sorta like this tumblr - insignificantly existing. 

I hope to, in some small, tentative way, determine a direction for this tumblr. Knowing myself, it’ll probably never reach any semblance of a “compelling destination,” but at least, even if ultimately abandoned and discarded, it’ll be a manifestation of resistance against stagnation and inaction. A tangible (except, well, not really) piece of evidence that says “hey, look, I did a thing today that I could have said I’d do tomorrow - which is better than nothing.” Haruki Murakami, a renowned magical-realist author notorious for not revealing the purpose or reasoning behind his stories’ surrealism, explained in an interview with the Paris Review “Disappointment is a rite of passage. Experience itself is meaning. The protagonist has changed in the course of his experiences--that’s the main thing. Not what he found, but how he changed.” This resonated with me enough to write it down - it’s pretty poignant, a cluster of words and meanings that are beautiful in their simplicity and conveyance. While disappointment has been a rite of passage I’ve yet to transcend, I figure actually putting my thoughts and feelings down may be the kind of experience I desperately need at the moment. I, many years ago, did this for all the wrong reasons and still found it cathartic - today, at this time, I don’t care if anyone reads a single word, I don’t expect them to. Sure, I’ll share it on facebook and maybe even twitter, just to offer up an alternative to the gifs and memes, but no hard feelings if it’s glossed and tossed away. So, as far as “direction” is concerned, I just want the feeling of movement. I don’t dare hope for a sense of progress, but the sensation of finger-to-key, finger-to-key, relaying pieces of me across an intimidating and endless tundra of white, sloshing along one tiny, dark character at a time is more than enough. 

All of that being said, there is no particular theme or motif behind this tumblr - though that is liable to change, as things often do. It’s just as possible that this will be the one and only post - a headstone that reads “R.I.P. this writer’s vision and motivation.” That’s pretty dramatic, but it is, essentially, true. How many times do we fall prey to the illusion of grandeur? The prospect of a project, large or small, is intoxicating. And, fittingly enough, we often awake a day or week later, hungover from the creativity and effort required that we innocently romanticized and marginalized in order to revel in whatever the “end product” might bring us. If this hits home to anyone reading as a strikingly appropriate description, it’ s only because I’m quite accomplished in monumental masonry, metaphorically, of course. Anyway, I’m hoping that, by making this public, I’ll feel some sort of self-pressure to actually commit to it because, if not, my lame nature and inability to see the project through will be exposed. Since I will, most likely, fail - judging by background, not just pessimistically - I wonder if this tumblr will, in the end, only reveal that I’m a masochistic quitter? 

If this has answered the “y tho” I eloquently posed, I figure the next question I should address is “wut tho?” Hmm, maybe “how tho” would be more appropriate, but I can’t think of a clever way to style “how,” so “wut” it is. I’ll probably just conduct little thought train experiments, much like this post, or share some silly observations or recollections that have popped into focus with the kind of sound you make with your lips when imitating a leaky faucet. Maybe I’ll write about the books I’m reading (the ones I’m reading for fun), the movies I’ve seen, the games I’ve played, etc. Creative pieces would be wonderful, but I must have abused or not used my muse (too much or too little, respectively) so those gifts of inspiration she brings have been few and far between. Maybe this tumblr will be a way to atone or to show that I’m still here and capable of the physical act of writing. I dunno, we’ll see what happens, I’m not going to give it serious thought (the thing I’ve thought about most since starting this post was whether I should use capitalization at all) and will, instead, defer to a more whimsical strategy. The only hard and fast rule I’m going to implement, for now, is that I can only reblog one post for every post I write. While I don’t mind sharing things I’m interested in, I’d prefer to exhibit my ego and self-centered practices through words. Oh, I’ll also tag on a little section to each post that, as I think about it, comes across pretty myspace-y but will be interesting, for me, to look back on that includes what I’m thinking/feeling, what I plan to do after posting, and what I’m listening to atm. There, the rules are made, I am resigned to my fate /alt+f4

Listening to: “Tokyo Witch” by Beach House on repeat. idk probably heard it eight times or so while writing this. A haunting and ethereal gem uncovered while absentmindedly skipping through my phone’s musical library by means of the “shuffle” feature. Been a fan of Beach House since The Weeknd sampled two songs on House of Balloons, but I’ve hardly listened with the attention they deserve.

Feeling: A little bit accomplished? Yeah, a little. Mixed with this sense of dread like “you feel good about this now, but just you wait... when you haven’t posted for two weeks you’re gonna feel the equivalent inverse. Actually, more than equivalent, sorrow is, generally, magnified.” Aside from that, though, not half bad. Spring Break tends to be a pretty comfy buffer against negativity and stress.

Plans: Well, I’ve played a decent amount of FFXIV today and I’m still grumpy about NieR: Automata (though I’ve really enjoyed it), I believe I’ll make a genuine attempt at finishing The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, which, for anyone wondering, is a novel. It’s like a game, but with graphics limited only by the processing power of your mind and comes with way less shame and guilt when you dedicate hours and hours to finishing it/them :3

[lightscamerabitchsmileee]

Top 10 BEST songs of 2016 :)

          Now as I’ve said in my worst songs list 2016 has been pretty shitty in terms of music on the hot 100 this year with basic mediocre slow pop music, more terrible hip-hop & bad dance music and I’m sure most of you will agree with me on that BUT while most of the good music came outside of the year-end or the regular hot 100 itself there were some good music that managed to stand out there aside from the pile of shit on the year-end chart to try and make 2016 a good year in some way so let’s switch things up and talk about some of the good music that we had this year with my Top 10 Best Songs of 2016 :)

         Again the rules are the same as always:

      - The songs must appear on the Billboard Year-End Hot 100 from either the American or Canadian charts

      - NO leftovers from last year’s year-end that sneaked in again this year

      - NO songs from my top 10’s last year (so Adele’s “Hello” for example won’t be on this year’s list again)

         So now that the rules are set let’s get started on my Top 10 Best Songs of 2016 but FIRST here’s some honourable mentions to start this amazing list:

          DNCE – Cake By The Ocean (#18 US/#15 Can.): Now I have to say I’ve always been a huge fan of the Jonas Brothers since they released SOS back years ago when I was in junior high and when they separated they’ve had decent enough solo careers Nick Jonas had a pretty good year last year with songs like “Jealous”, “Chains”, “Levels” and did pretty well again this year with his song “Close” with Tove Lo which ended up on the year-end this year I didn’t mind that song I thought it was decent production-wise and vocally & both Nick & Tove Lo had great chemistry but it got old pretty fast for me but as for Joe I never really was into his solo stuff but this year he formed his new band DNCE and this is their debut single and tbh I wasn’t into it at first but it definitely grew on me as the year went on.

         A lot of critics have really been tough on this song with some worst lists having this song on it but let me make my case about how this song works. Yes the lyrics are very corny and unsexy in every way…Cake By The Ocean as another way to say sex on the beach is so weird, all the food & candy references for sex really grosses me out for some reason, the Diddy/Naomi reference was odd to use since their relationship has been forgotten long ago & the “AH YA YA YA YA”’s get annoying after a while BUT the strumming funky bass guitar riff throughout the song is so catchy, upbeat & fun to dance to with the added groovy electric guitar & percussion that works very well in the mix plus Joe’s vocals and the other members singing in the background also helped the song sound more exciting and convincing that they had sex on the beach and in a year where we’ve had a lot of mid-tempo slow dreary pop music and way too many ballads it was nice to have an upbeat pop song for once. Anyways it’s only an honourable mention because of the corny lyrics but still a great song overall.

       James Bay – Let It Go (#44 US/#75 Can.): While we had a lot of slow ballads and way too many at that there was some that managed to work very well without being boring and making you fall asleep (Gnash take notes) and this is one of them. Now I don’t mind James Bay’s music he’s a very good vocalist and his songs are not bad I really enjoyed his song from last year called “Hold Back The River” and I did enjoy this track too. I loved the slow acoustic guitar throughout the song and the production was pretty good in general. The lyrics is your typical break up ballad about a love gone wrong in other words a relationship that started out good but went sour and became forced & James is suggesting to break-up and just let it go and move on and focus on themselves individually (“why don’t you be you and I’ll be me”). It’s a nice easy listening kind of ballad to listen to if you’re going through a break-up or just want to sit back and relax. It’s only an honourable mention because there just happened to be better songs out there this year but it’s still a great song.

        Adele – Send My Love (To Your New Lover) [#26 US/#29 Can.]: Now a lot of critics have said that this is Adele’s weakest and most commercial song that she did in her career and while I agree that it’s not the best song on “25” (Water Under The Bridge, All I Ask & River Lea definitely earn that title) I think for an Adele song it’s pretty good I don’t mind the production & instrumentation that Max Martin did with the strumming guitar riff with the added percussion and handclaps that makes it catchy & upbeat although I think that Max should’ve gave Adele more breathing room for her vocals in the song I thought Adele still sounded great regardless and the lyrics again another break-up song of how Adele’s ex is trying to take her back but she’s over the relationship as she ended it herself and has moved on and is happy and is enjoying being single but yet he hasn’t and she’s sick of it she’s not angry but she just doesn’t care anymore & wants him to stop acting like a kid, be an adult and move on and instead of sending love to her ex she sends it to whoever his new lover may be because that’s someone else’s problem now and not hers anymore. Anyways it’s only an honourable mention because of some production nitpicks and Adele could’ve done a little better vocally but it’s still a great song overall.

       Calvin Harris Feat. Rihanna – This Is What You Came For (#17 US/#11 Can.): For my fellow Swiftie friends this wouldn’t surprise you at all but for the rest of those that read my best & worst lists you may be thinking why do you have this song on here?? Well I thought for a Calvin Harris song it’s his best song for sure both production-wise and lyrically thanks to Taylor (his other song “My Way” was a disaster). The beat is decent with some good production to dance to, Rihanna was pretty good vocally throughout the song and I love the backing vocals that Taylor brings to the table and obviously Tay sounds amazing it sounds like Rihanna & Taylor are singing together in some parts of the song too and they sound great like I hope Taylor & Rhi Rhi does more collabs together because they sound awesome and the lyrics while simple were pretty good as well “Lightning strikes every time that she moves” is like my favorite lyric from that song & the song is definitely about how Calvin used to feel about Taylor during their relationship (it sucks that they broke up but oh well..). Taylor knows how to write a great song in any genre (It’s been a quiet year for my favorite country-pop superstar musically but along with this song she also wrote Little Big Town’s hit country song “Better Man” this year & recently was featured in the new hit song with Zayn called “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever” for the “Fifty Shades Darker” soundtrack and it’s like my new favorite song right now <3) but anyways I would’ve put this song in the top 10 in a heartbeat but there were a lot more better songs this year sadly still tho it’s one of my favorites from this year.

        The Weeknd – In The Night (#61 US/#67 Can.): The Weeknd had an excellent year in 2016 with the continued success of “Beauty Behind The Madness”, more collabs this year with artists like Beyonce (who surprised us again with her highly critically-acclaimed latest album “Lemonade”), Kanye West, Future & fellow Canadian rapper Belly & released another album who’s title track I will be talking about on this list (such a bad giveaway I know but where will be on the list?? You’ll have to find out ;) ). Anyways this was the last single from “Beauty Behind The Madness” and I got to say it’s like “Can’t Feel My Face” combining with his signature dark lyrics from “The Hills”. I love the percussion heavy beat with the added creepy-like 80’s-inspired synth in the background that builds up in the pre-chorus and goes full force in the chorus itself & the Weeknd’s voice is amazing as always and again like in “Can’t Feel My Face” he’s channeling his inner MJ in both production and vocals and the lyrics reaches some very dark territory where he tells a story about a woman who was abused by a musician and becomes so traumatized by that event that she becomes a stripper and works late at night and through it all she’s trying to find whatever relief and joy she could find to make herself happy & loved again which is sad and The Weeknd is just standing there trying to make her feel better but nothing seem to work overall it’s truly one of his best songs but personally I gave it an honourable mention because like his song “The Hills” it’s a little too dark of a song for my taste but still it’s a great song.

        One Direction – Perfect (#100 US/#61 Can.): Wow this one really snuck up on the year-end this year but that’s awesome because this is one of my favorites by a boy band that I wished stayed together because it seems like they were improving with each album that came out as a group now this song came near the very end of their career before they all went solo when Zayn left the group first & started his successful solo career (who I’ll discuss later on this list J) and it was on the final album without Zayn called “Made In The AM” which I actually bought earlier this year as it grew on me and again this is my favorite on the album.

        Now as for this song itself while it sucks that Zayn is not in this song I thought they all did pretty decent vocally with Harry sounding the best out of them all and did really well filling in that gap with Zayn gone as Zayn was known for his more lower range in his voice and I thought the production was good with that amazing guitar melody & the hook was catchy then we get to the lyrics which have been rumored to be about Taylor who dated Harry back in the “Red” era and as a response (& has a similar bassline) to Taylor’s own hit song “Style” (which was #1 on my best songs list last year & is rumoured to be about him) & I can see how it could be about Tay with lyrics like “If you like midnight driving with the windows down, and if you like going places we can’t even pronounce if you like to do whatever you’ve been dreaming about” & in the entire bridge where he says “If you like cameras flashing every time we go out” & “If you’re looking for someone to write your break-up songs about” and in all those instances he still thinks that she’s perfect in some way which shows a lot of emotional maturity (as did Taylor with “Style”) because in this song he acknowledges that the relationship wasn’t gonna work out and he was OKAY with that and that last lyric that I mentioned is very significant as he knows that when he dates a fellow musician or artist that he’s gonna be the subject of some of their songs if anything happens in which he could fill that role & it’s something that he’s gotta accept anyway that it may end up in their work as an artist if it doesn’t work out and he does do that which is the mature thing to do & that’s something I never thought I’d find in a One Direction song.

       But hey this song may not be “perfect” as it’s an honourable mention because I’ve heard better songs this year and it’s no “Night Changes” (which was also on my best songs list last year and is the best of their career) but it’s a good song nonetheless and is definitely a good farewell kind of song to their fans with their last album.

       Mike Posner – I Took A Pill In Ibiza (#15 US/#5 Can.): I never expected out of all the comebacks we had this year that we’d be getting a huge comeback from Mike Posner you remember that guy right? The one that sang that awful egotistical pop trainwreck “Cooler Than Me” back in 2010 (as you can tell I couldn’t stand the guy) but anyways after a few failed attempts of following up his big hit from 6 years ago (he had a minor hit called “Please Don’t Go” that never really did well and had some other songs & collabs that barely charted or never charted at all) He came back in 2016 with this song that got popular on a remix.

        Now the original version is pretty AWFUL production-wise with the typical “nice guy with acoustic guitar” production that didn’t fit well with his voice nor the incredible lyrics in the song about life after having that one big hit and nothing else. Like how he did drugs and alcohol that one night that he regrets doing, how he wasted money on girls and shoes yet can’t keep a woman outside of a typical one night stand because he’s vulnerable and insecure & doesn’t really know how to have a relationship, how he wanted to prove that he’s famous with buying a sports car yet he wasn’t happy with it and wasn’t happy being rich in general for “a pop song people forgot” & how so many people don’t remember him for that one song that they maybe heard back in the day and liked it but probably forgot it years later except for his hardcore fans and people in his hometown that he gets along with (which he mentions and give a nod to in the 3rd verse that was omitted in the remix) & in the chorus he gives advice to those that want to be famous or asks him about the secret to making it big to never do what he did to stay in the public eye that it’s not the life that most people make it out to be anyways it’s a pretty “sad song” for sure. As for the remix by DJ Seeb it helped improved the song a lot both production wise and vocally with that amazing EDM production with some tropical beats and synth that worked really well with a bass drop that was so groovy and fun and while I thought that he could’ve just used the whole song in general it’s still pretty good and definitely an amazing comeback that really no one expected at all this year.

     Now the reason it’s an honourable mention is because I thought well this only got famous on a remix and not the original version itself and if the original was much better production-wise than maybe it would’ve cracked the top 10 of my best list this year but I’ll definitely give it the honour of “Most Improved Song of 2016” because the lyrics are some of the best I heard this year no doubt about it anyways it’s a great song and I hope we’ll hear more from Mike in the future as he truly made me reverse my opinion on him I really think he has potential.

      Well that was a good start wasn’t it? Now let’s get to the good stuff and talk about the amazing songs that managed to make me smile during a very dismal year in terms of pop music overall with my Top 10 BEST songs of 2016 starting with:

     10. Zayn – Pillowtalk (#22 US/#20 Can.): as much as it sucks that Zayn is not with One Direction anymore he sure proved everyone (including me) wrong when he made his debut with this epic track from his first solo album “Mind of Mine”. It definitely broke his boy band image from One Direction as this song is very openly & explicitly about sex & it’s truly an amazing slow jam of a song with production that’s really great with the loads of synth, the added percussion with the scattered backing vocals (or moans) throughout the track and even added a bit of electric guitar in the chorus and near the end of the bridge & Zayn’s vocals are IMPRESSIVE like he really shows his range in this song and also provides his signature lower tone & range in his voice that he’s known for which is really good when it comes to very slick sexy pop & R&B as he fits really well into that vein. The lyrics are pretty straight forward about his sexual life both in the physical and the emotional & intimate sense and how through it all he loves the woman that he’s with and is happy to wake up next to her in the morning & he describes the love in detail  as he wants to take it slow and be caring towards her and even describes that the sex could be “paradise” or a “war zone” how it could happy & loving one minute or a living hell the next & while most songs about sex that’s very open and explicit in nature kind of turns my stomach the wrong way. This one didn’t as it was very catchy and the production is very slick and while it’s not as upbeat it’s decent enough to groove along to so overall I really enjoyed this track.

        9. Tim McGraw – Humble & Kind (#96 US): If there’s one genre that had a good year in 2016 it was country music and the charts was full of it this year and tbh most of it was good as bro-country was declining and neo-traditional country music that started popping back up last year made a huge impact in 2016 both in the mainstream and the underground with new names in country like Brandy Clark, Maren Morris, Kelsea Ballerini, Chris Stapleton & William Michael Morgan to recent bro-country acts trying to make the transition either successfully or not like Florida Georgia Line, Thomas Rhett, Cole Swindell & Brett Eldridge to of course the current mainstream artists like Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert, Charles Kelley (from Lady Antebellum), Keith Urban, Brad Paisley & Kenny Chesney.

         The year-end chart tho was very weird because even though we had a lot of good country music in 2016 only 3 of them made the chart due to some random issue between the genre and streaming services like Spotify that’s making it difficult for country music to become popular hits which is sad. The three songs were FGL’s song “H.O.L.Y.” a song that was ok I guess and I’m glad the group is going down that traditional route but using a religious word as a pick-up line for women was just weird on so many levels and probably pissed off a nice few religious country fans no doubt then there was Thomas Rhett’s “Die A Happy Man” which is not a bad song but it’s sort of a complete rip-off of Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud” with the same acoustic production, same kind of lyrics & content only just with a country twang & on the Canadian year-end we had Keith Urban’s “Wasted Time” which almost made the honourable mentions as it’s such a fun carefree kind of song about having a good time but unfortunately there were better songs this year but here we have this gem that managed to sneak through on the American year-end chart & it’s this song that I’m gonna be talking about today by the legendary Tim McGraw.

          Now Tim McGraw has always been one of my favorite country artists ever since I was a child listening to songs like Just to See You Smile, It’s Your Love (with his equally successful country legend wife Faith Hill) & I Like It I Love It, I even love his recent stuff too like Southern Voice, Back When, Meanwhile Back at Mamas (again with Faith) & of course Highway Don’t Care (with my fave Taylor Swift & Keith Urban). Humble & Kind while not the best country song in 2016 is another one of my faves. It definitely symbolizes how big the genre was doing this year and how traditional country music is making a comeback and who better to lead the pack in the mainstream than Tim McGraw right? I love the acoustic traditional country-pop production and the guitar really shined in this song with the added strings to make a song as simple as teaching everyone especially kids to be good people, have manners & respect and of course being Humble & Kind among other lessons so great to listen to & Tim McGraw has had a career that spanned over 2 decades and songs like this are definitely something you can expect from him now at this point in his career and he does it with such ease and he let’s the song do the talking & frames it really well. Overall again while it’s not the best country song from this year (I’ve had a nice few in mind that should’ve made this list) it’s still really good and it definitely deserves a spot on this list no doubt about it.

          8. Justin Bieber – Love Yourself (#1 US/#2 Can.): Yeah yeah I know what you’re all thinking…”Jeremy you must be nuts to put another Bieber song on one of your lists this year let alone in the top 10” if you remember on last year’s list I put “What Do You Mean?” as an honourable mention for being a decent song with some good production and lyrics it’s honestly the first Bieber song that I ever truly enjoyed but his music got even better in late 2015 and entering into 2016 as he released “Sorry” a song that I was ok with as I liked the reggae-inspired production and the lyrics seemed sort of sincere but it got old for me after a while but then he released this song that I’ll be talking about right now and it’s the first Justin Bieber song that I can actually say that I really like so much so that I did a mini review on this song late last year on my blog http://classichollywoodswift.tumblr.com/post/135297456549/i-dont-know-why-where-or-how-this-happened-but

          Just to sum it up I liked the stripped down acoustic production & the guitars in the instrumentation was brilliant with the trumpet solo being a nice touch to the song, Justin’s vocals were on point & the lyrics (that was co-written by Ed Sheeran) were pretty solid basically telling a sad break-up story with the message of loving yourself first before loving someone else in order to be happy with your life anyways the rest of my thoughts on this song is in that link above if you want to check it out. This would’ve been higher only that we’ve seen some better songs this year and it kind of waned on me a bit but it’s still a fantastic song and probably the best song that Justin has ever done I’m glad it was a #1 hit and I’m happy that it’s #1 song on the year-end & I’m glad that it’s on this list

          7. Ariana Grande – Dangerous Woman (#36 US/#41 Can.): I have to say if there’s one artist that consistently put out good pop music this year it was definitely Ariana Grande now back on my list in 2013 I had Ari on the list with The Way as an honourable mention & Almost Is Never Enough in my top 10 and since then she had some really good songs like Problem, Break Free & Love Me Harder but this year truly was Ariana’s year for sure and this song started it with Ariana showing more of a sexier side of her in this song.

         I love the touch of organ in the background, the percussion was good, I love the electric guitar and the solo near the end, the pounding beat in the chorus was brilliant & Ariana’s vocals are of course GORGEOUS despite her having trouble enunciating some of her words but I’ll let that pass as she’s still an incredible vocalist as her range is impressive & the lyrics are excellent because while obviously Ariana is FAR from being dangerous & more cute and adorable than anything what she meant is that she FEELS like a Dangerous Woman when she’s with this certain guy who’s dark and mysterious and totally different from her as he’s more sexual and she was slowly beginning to enjoy that and it’s a side of Ariana that we’ve never seen before and she plays that Dangerous Woman role very well in this song. Anyways it’s a truly great song and it’s not the only Ariana song this year to make this list so stay tuned for that

          6. The Weeknd Feat. Daft Punk – Starboy (#58 US/#32 Can.): Like I said earlier it’s been a good year for The Weeknd and the 2nd part of his good year came when he released the album “Starboy” in October and it’s probably one of his best albums for sure & the title track of this song really blew me away because he collaborated with legendary EDM duo Daft Punk who can turn any song into a masterpiece (don’t believe me? Listen to their own hits like Around The World, Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger & hell even Get Lucky with Pharrell) and Starboy is no exception with the groovy percussion, the muted piano, the dark beat that is a very signature sound for The Weeknd with a touch of EDM to make it perfect with Daft Punk’s signature backing vocals & The Weeknd’s vocals are pretty good too so in other words the production provided by Daft Punk are GOLD and it’s The Weeknd’s most polished sound of his entire career.

        Then we get to lyrics now if you remember on my worst songs list when I talked about Me Too by Meghan Trainor I said that “one of the worst things you can ever do is insult your audience” but the difference between Meghan & The Weeknd is that yes The Weeknd is saying that he’s better than YOU with all the fancy cars, how he has so many women, how he’s rich and has a mansion with all the fancy furniture he’s basically bragging about his success BUT he has the charisma to pull it off unlike Meghan & the huge amount of successful mainstream rappers like Drake, Future & 2 Chainz that does the same thing over and over who are just being nasty and mean & have no charisma at all. The Weeknd also has self-awareness he knows what he’s saying and he does say in the song that he hasn’t changed to get to where he is now he’s still the same dark mysterious guy that we know and enjoy through his music it’s just now he’s at the top of his game thanks to his fans but yet he knows he don’t belong in this famous world so yes he enjoys the success and will enjoy this moment in his career where he’s at the top while also pointing at his fans & singing “look what you done, I’m a motherfucking Starboy” something he longed dreamed of but is unsure if he really wants it as he’s just there to make music and while he doesn’t mind the success he really doesn’t care either. It’s an ego-trip song done right It’s really the better version of Me Too Meghan should be taking some notes haha.

          5. Flume Feat. Kai – Never Be Like You (#60 US/#51 Can.): So I did mention this song already on my worst list when I was discussing that horrid track “Gold” by Kiarra that odd production choices was a thing in 2016 and this song is the best of them this year while the former was the worst and that if you dare make that challenge as a DJ or producer then this is the song that you should look at for trying to do it right. At first I didn’t like this song BECAUSE of the production as it was new to me and I just didn’t really know what to think of this song because the production was so odd & confusing but with more listens I got into it and really liked it and the production which I mentioned on the other list was stuttered muted wobbled synth that fitted really well with Kai’s incredible voice was really good plus there’s also extra percussion, some trap-inspired beats with snaps & claps that made the song better & the twinkling star-ish kind of sounds added with the strings in the verses was a nice touch as well.

       The lyrics are pretty straight-forward how she’s upset over a break-up with a certain guy caused by her self-doubt and tore it apart and is looking for forgiveness as she realizes that she’ll never be like him & is sorry for what she did overall it’s a weird song but it’s done extremely well in the coolest way possible and I’m happy that it made this list because this is one of my favorites of the year

        4. Justin Timberlake – Can’t Stop The Feeling (#9 US/#14 Can.): While it’s not Justin’s best song by far this is still truly one of the most upbeat, happy & catchy songs of 2016 something that we desperately needed in such a sad terrible year both in music and in real life. Now I’ve always been a huge fan of JT from his time with NSYNC with such pop jams like Bye Bye Bye & Tearin Up My Heart to his success as solo artist with songs like Like I Love You, Sexyback & of course my all-time favorite Mirrors and he’s been a regular on these lists since I started in 2013 I had Suit & Tie on the list (and if I could go back I would probably put Mirrors there also) and in 2014 I had Not A Bad Thing on that list and this song is certainly no exception the beat is so catchy and fun with that bubbly bassline and groove with hints of guitar and horns added with that disco inspired retro sound and Justin’s vocals are as always impressive so he doesn’t disappoint here and he has so much charisma & energy to back it up and he’s having so much fun on the track which is good to hear

        & yes I know it’s a song from the “Trolls” soundtrack so it’s not like lyrics are really gonna matter here but I love it’s simplicity lyrically as Justin is singing about telling people to never let go of that feeling of excitement and fun and just enjoy yourself and get up & “dance, dance, dance” the night away it’s a very uplifting fun track to dance to no doubt about it and it’s one of those songs that I kept coming back to all year long and it was truly my summer jam as well it’s 2016’s Happy or Uptown Funk basically now let’s hope he releases another album already please god…

      3. Kungs & Cookin’ On 3 Burners – This Girl (#37 Can.): Now if you noticed I couldn’t really find a lot of good Canadian music this year on our version of the year-end chart to choose from for my lists & even though my #1 pick was by a Canadian that became popular in the states there wasn’t a lot of horrible all-Canadian songs for me to choose from for the worst list this year outside of ones that probably crossed over from the US because our charts are normally a whole lot better than our neighbours down south where this year a little over 35 songs were in contention and the other 5 or 6 songs that I had from the Canadian one were only mediocre at best with the worst probably being Alan Walker’s “Faded” & that’s not even by a Canadian but was popular in Canada it was a shitty EDM song that was boring as anything but it wasn’t as bad as the ones from the American chart.

       On the best side well while we did get some really decent tracks on the year-end this year like Hedley’s “Lose Control” (which almost made this list as an Honourable mention), Alessia Cara’s “Wild Things” & MAGIC & Sean Paul’s “Lay You Down Easy” they weren’t the best that I could find but there was one song on the Canadian chart that I was really happy to see because it was another summer jam that I really loved this year and yes it’s not by a Canadian but while it only gained minor success in the states it was a HUGE hit around the world and it was a big hit in Canada too & this is the song I’m gonna be talking about today.

       Now EDM continued it’s trend this year of more chill-like house music which became popular in 2015 by DJ’s like Kygo & Robin Schulz. Kungs was this year’s popular DJ in 2016 in the genre when he released “This Girl” with the group Cookin on 3 Burners. It’s truly one of the best dance songs of the year with that very bouncy EDM beat with that nice guitar put in the beginning and in the 2nd verse, the build-up to the chorus is brilliant and when we get to that bass drop it was pure genius with the trumpets & horns & the added synth that makes it fun to dance to & Kylie Auldist who sang this song was brilliant also then we get to the lyrics where it’s another pretty straight forward kind of track of how she’s talking about this guy who keeps trying to buy her love and affection when really she doesn’t want that and wants this guy to SHOW that he loves her and cares about her and that her love can’t be bought. Yeah it’s a pretty simple storyline that’s been done many times since the 60s with The Beatles but this song had good production and instrumentation to boot to make this song great and I’m glad it made the Canadian year-end chart to get on this list because this is truly one of my favorites

          2. Ariana Grande – Into You (#51 US/#30 Can.): I told ya Ariana had a good year in 2016 haha…this song was truly the best upbeat pop song we had this year and is honestly one of Ariana’s best songs of her career. Dangerous Woman was good hell Side By Side her third single from the album with Nicki Minaj was good too (and almost had a shot of making this list too) but Into You was perfect in both production, vocals, instrumentation, lyrics & everything in between.

         It’s a powerhouse of a song with this nice 80’s retro sound with the loads of synth with the added snaps in between with the chorus just kicking the synth into overdrive and wow it’s just fun to dance to and Ariana’s vocals does not disappoint as it’s incredible as always because she does a lot of cooing which works on this track and only belts when she needs to which is on the bridge with a fantastic blend of synth with the added chords on the track that builds to this epic crescendo and then goes back to the beat that dials back a little where she sings the chorus and has impressive backing vocals to boot plus her voice sounds so sexy on this track and really has a perfect balance of sultriness in her voice in this song. The lyrics are pretty simple as it’s just basically how she hooked up with a guy and how much she’s so into him. But overall definitely one of the best tracks I heard all year and is definitely on repeat on my iPhone even to this day it’s such a memorable song but there’s still 1 more song left to talk about…

          Now we get to our #1 and wow what can I say about this artist? she’s truly one of the best pop stars of not only this year but in the entire 21st century so far as she’s had amazing success from her last two albums (her 2nd one being one of the best selling albums of all time) and this year was no exception when she released her third album last year in the latter part of 2015 (and in fact the lead single off that album almost topped my best list last year) and the success from that album continued into 2016 now I already talked about one of those songs from that album in the honourable mentions but this song while only a minor hit on the charts managed to crack the year-end this year and I’m so glad it did because this is honestly THE best song I heard all year long and one of the best from “25”…oops did I just give that away? oh well you all know who this is so here it goes:

     1. Adele – When We Were Young (#83 US/#73 Can.): I’m sure I’m not only person that thinks that this is the best song of the year and even if 2016 was a good year for the charts this still would’ve been #1 in my books. Again this song is literally one of the best on 25 a beautiful sad piano ballad with that wonderful stripped down piano melody, with the added bass and the percussion that starts out very light and then really builds up in the final chorus with some impressive backing vocals and then we have Adele herself and what can I say? She was brilliant and her vocals really shined in this song very soulful as always with so much emotion and tone to this track as in the lyrics it’s about reuniting with an ex and all the complicated emotions that come with it, the fact that you may be over this person & thoughts of that person were long gone and that you’ve moved on but the feelings come rushing back the moment you see that person again and we’ve all had that moment in our lives I know I’ve had them and in this situation they broke up because she didn’t want to be committed to that one guy at that moment in her life and while she has changed he hasn’t & yes the ex has moved on with his life and she’s happy for him of course in some way but she just wants to have that one last moment with him before it fades away like when they were together when they were young & she hates that feeling but it’s hard to get rid of or forget. In the bridge she’s questioning whether he still has that same feeling as she do or if he even still cares at all and it’s incredibly heartbreaking to hear her sing that. It’s heartbreaking song that really brings a tear to your eye & Adele just blows this out of the water with her incredible vocals and the amazing production as well. No wonder this is Adele’s favorite song & I can see why & it’s truly my all-time favorite of this year, a masterpiece of a song and it’s definitely my #1 pick for the BEST SONG OF 2016.

      Well there you have it folks my best & worst lists for 2016 I hope everyone has wonderful 2017 this year and let’s hope that next year we will have much better music than what we had in 2016 :).