#i think i meant to write human but tbh im thinking abt making him a werewolf...we'll see since i made sparrow a witch

[risetherivermoon]

i need to stop writing out notes before i go to bed because why is lark's that

[bo0zey]

livestream thooguht: i think i wwill go on amazon dot com for a lttille BUT i just wanna say while i have ur attentions now that i hate u @jeffufcckinyouuglypieceofratbaldpitbullwannabeoldmistahworldwideassbitchasscuntasslsluttasswh0reuglyweirdreptilionfreakboringoldassagingass Bozo. 

[thequibblah]

pwp anon here and im always down to hear your thoughts about arranged marriages in the the regency time period

sure, i pontificated abt this in the DMs of no less than two people so we may as well air it out for everyone's reading pleasure/displeasure, no?

i am by no means a historian, i am simply a reader of things, and regrettably many of the things centre around english/british history. i also recently read a truly fascinating account of marriage through the ages recommended by bestie @clare-with-no-i, called marriage, a history by stephanie coontz, and i will hopefully not absolutely fuck up what i have just learned from there.

but the concept of arranged marriage with jily specifically seems to me like a misunderstanding both of what an arranged marriage means (x1000 for the regency) AND of jily's dynamic — which i've come to realise i have quite strong and dare i say particular, sticklery, text-faithful views about which i know not everyone really cares about.

so with that out of the way,

i've said this a lot of times ik. but part of the thing with AUs for me is that i feel like i have to keep some elements of jily's canonical backgrounds/dynamic. otherwise i'm not really adapting these characters to another setting, am i? and to me one of the fairly significant things is james's privilege.

in AUs i want him to either be directly confronting it (if it's that kind of story) or suggest that he has already begun to confront it, or will have to confront it eventually. this is of course not because i, like, get off on putting them on an unequal social footing — on the contrary, one of my favourite things as a jily shipper is exploring how both characters grow out of immaturity, learn not to misunderstand each other, and come to love each other.

truthfully i don't like not making james rich to preemptively smooth over any discomfort in their relationship. for one it feels tied to his ignorance and his generosity, his confidence and his insensitivity; for another discomfort is part of life and part of love. feels disingenuous to write that out tbh

you could argue that this stuff really shouldn't matter for fluff that's meant to be escapist and easy reading, to which i say yeah, fair enough, to each their own. it's not like i close out of any modern uni au fic i come across where james isn't immediately established as baby warbucks, shouting "this isn't canon-aligned!"

BUT! when we're talking period marriage, or especially "arranged" marriage, it's pretty clear that discomfort is part of the premise. like, the point is watching them get comfortable with each other over time, and it feels a bit like cheating to me to minimise the uphill battle to begin with. pretty sure everyone here is here for the lizzie-darcy, not the lily-of-means à la emma woodhouse who could really have her pick of gentlemen!

now, on to "arranged" marriage. i put this in scare quotes because really, it seems like a weird qualifier to make for certain periods of history and certain social situations, and i sometimes wonder if people know what they mean when they say arranged!

like, i'm indian. an arranged marriage doesn't mean you're trussed up in a wedding outfit and shown to your future spouse on the day of the event (...though it can, unfortunately) — that is not the chief characteristic here. what it means is your families know one another, the match is advantageous for whatever reason (you share a community, a religious subdivision, said families really get along, they think you two are suited) so the families are like "let's make this happen." love is not necessarily a factor, but then for the vast majority of human history, to our knowledge, it really hasn't been, for most marriages across rungs of society. like, my guy the farmer's son might have been fond of his neighbour's daughter, but he's still thinking about how she'll help on the farm, if she can support his trade, what she brings to this economic partnership.

because that's what it was. an economic partnership.

our notion of arranged marriage is a closer analogue for royal marriages, i think pretty much across cultures and time periods. so you are a prince and you're set up with this princess because you need her uncle's support, or her father's money, or some such.

e.g. you are henry fitzempress and you want to keep england and normandy and anjou, and to do so you have to watch out for louis, king of france. so you very smoothly marry his ex-wife, eleanor of aquitaine, because aquitaine is an immensely powerful territory and eleanor brings you that in her dowry as well as every other sort of support you might need against louis — men, arms, money, the works. done deal!

or, let's look for an example with less ~choice~: you are the future henry viii (shocking beginning given "less choice", i know) and your brother's just died, but your lowkey cheapskate dad henry vii is not keen on giving back catherine of aragon's dowry, and like, he's taken all this trouble to bring her here and make an alliance with her parents, what the fuck's the point if she's now free to go marry someone else???? and possibly build a different alliance that weakens england??? no! henry my son you will marry her now.

but notice that both people are bringing immense value to matches like this. it's the perks, not the person. it is ruinously stupid to try and arrange a match with someone (a woman, really, this goes one way) who doesn't bring you a valuable dowry, whether that's actual income, income via land (see aquitaine), or at the very least nice noble connections (see gregory cromwell, son of thomas cromwell of advisor to henry viii fame, marrying bess seymour, the sister of then-queen jane seymour. for the cromwells, a family of commoners, to connect themselves with the old aristocratic seymours and become the king's in-laws was a nice little arrangement, and of course it's good for the seymours to solidify an alliance with the up-and-up cromwells too).

a dowry, for those unfamiliar, is an inheritance kept aside for a woman that becomes an attractive incentive for her future husband, as he will eventually get that inheritance when he marries her. a dowry is not a bride price — it goes from the woman (from her father or another male relative, usually), to her husband upon marriage.

talk of dowries is all over pride and prejudice. the Big One is georgiana's dowry, which wickham has his eye on when he tries to seduce her. but note that even mrs bennet, who if i'm not wrong is the daughter of a tradesman (i.e. not gentry/nobility), has a dowry of her own settled upon her by her father at the time of her marriage, which can only be inherited by her daughters after her death. if i recall right lydia's (nonexistent) dowry is handled by darcy. this is bog-standard stuff — leaving aside implied misogyny women-are-a-burden things, the idea is that a bachelor's household is of course going to grow when he gains a wife and a family, so he's gonna need some means to settle down

or let me pick a whole 'nother example — in downton abbey, mary, the eldest daughter, basically knows she's going to marry the man who inherits her father's estate, because it's a nice way to keep it in the family (rather like the bennets wanting one of their daughters to marry mr collins). they have, in a word, an "understanding." i don't think i need to explain here, though, why mary, an heiress in her own right even if she can't inherit her father's actual property, is hardly a cinderella in need of a prince

and i think you can already see where i'm going with this + the jily socioeconomic dynamic — i just don't see a world in which james's (presumably better off) parents are like, yeah, this is the girl for you, we've set it all up, not to worry, enjoy the wedding night. put crudely, what the hell kind of leverage does lily's family have over them?

like okay, i am hard-pressed to call this "arranged" because he asked her, and she consented (given ofc the caveat that she didn't have a great deal of choice), but mr collins and charlotte is a decent example where he's kind of (cringes) "doing her a favour" by marrying her, because she's really not very eligible — her parents are gentry but not well-off, and she's a spinster. but he needs a wife and doesn't really mind those things because he has a decent income and doesn't need (and, really, couldn't get) an heiress. and even then is it really arranged? it's arranged by mr collins, which to me is just "man decides who he'll marry"

so it seems to me that when people say "arranged marriage" what they really mean is reluctant/forced, which, again, i'm not sure i see that happening between people of different stations (one condition applies and i'll get to that) unless james is royalty, and even then lily had better be something, or james is about to piss off eeeeeeveryone at his court.

to be regency-specific, i think too people underestimate the amount of free choice the average gentleman would have had in making his own marriage. no matter how overbearing his parents, he could probably get away even with not honouring an "informal agreement" arranged by them when he and his intended were younger. and that's not even touching upon the fact that this is james specifically, and these are his parents specifically. fleamont and euphemia are canonically indulgent, and i can't fathom a world in which they insist on marrying james off against his will, to a girl equally reluctant.

(and this may be controversial, but nor can i see james consenting to such a match, even if he already has feelings for lily. it icks me out to think of him roping her into marrying him for like a billion reasons, but especially because this is something jily antis say all the time about canon, that he somehow compelled her to marry him. given a time period where a man of means probably could get away with that, it strikes me as skeezy to have the romantic lead — and, again, james specifically!!! — do it. imagine, basically, james as the mr collins to her lizzie — not exactly arranged either, but her mother sees the benefit of the match and encourages it, and it's a hard thing to say no to. it is shocking enough that lizzie says no to mr collins, and he even points out that she probably won't receive another offer. i find this not very romantic idk about you lol)

finally, courtship in the regency was a ritual. your parents don't just sit down with her parents and decide for you (and again, certainly not indulgent parents like james's). you'd still want to dance with her, formally express interest in her, ask her guardian's permission, and ask for her hand — and hopefully you're doing something in all that time that constitutes getting to know her, or at least seeing if you'd like to be married to each other. if you rushed into a marriage (i'm trying to spitball scenarios in which jily wouldn't know each other and therefore wouldn't be in love yet at the time of their marriage), people would talk — and the #1 thing they'd say is probably that she accidentally got pregnant somewhere along the way so the families are trying to save face rq.

in fact this is the one exception i could see with this whole arranged marriage shtick. if they were somehow caught in a compromising position, they would have to go on and get married asap, and you could argue that this might turn out to be reluctant depending on the circumstances. for instance in the bed-sharing fic i just wrote, two's a crowd, they are certainly not courting or in love, and lily's well aware that if word of this behaviour gets out it won't look good for her — and james knows too what he'd be honour-bound to do.

but honestly i find this to be such a depressing premise! it's sad and awful and reminds me uncomfortably of lydia bennet, who's really stuck in a shit situation to any modern reader imo. even lydia fancies herself in love with wickham before they elope, and needless to say he's probably not exactly in it because he has tender, poetic feelings for her.

that's not to say that love couldn't come out of something like this, but it's not a premise i feel like tackling in the regency era specifically, when you can get the yearning and the drama and all that without curtailing choice in such a specific, embarrassing way. (like, to have to write that social shame... eurgh. my own stomach would turn going on about women ruined and whatnot. there is a julia quinn book that features this and i won't say which one, but frankly i found the way it was executed downright ridiculous and very much un-james anyway)

i just think that a premise more realistic to the characters would be where they like what little they know of each other and then learn to love each other once they're married — less dramatic, i know, but also less contrived. sometimes romance is in the smaller things.

as an aside, my royal au, which is set several centuries before the regency, is probably the only fic i'll write with an arranged marriage, though it's more of a marriage of convenience — which is really a more apt, specific descriptor, i think, for those kinds of marriages. like, both parties are getting something out of this, and neither is under illusions as to whether or not they are in love. they wouldn't really expect to be.

[ohsweetflips]

I think Undyne's determination has less to do with like something that happened in the past and more like the overlap between determination as an actual physical thing VS a spiritual thing. Whereas the amalgamates were injected with determination by Alphys, Undyne makes her OWN. You've killed her best friend. You're going to kill the love of her life. You're going to kill her mentor. You're going to kill everyone. You've killed HER. But she still has to stop you. Everyone is counting on her 1/2

Undyne's whole motif is letting the monsters of the Underground achieve their hopes and dreams. Theres a reason she is the boss fight in Waterfall, the most backstory rich area in the game. Hope and dreams have just as much weight as determination does, its what helps you defeat Asriel. And Undyne the Undying's design mimics Asriel's because in Genocide SHE is the heroine, SHE is the determined hero that defies death in order to save everyone she loves via the hopes and dreams of everyone (2/2)

Sorry I just really fucking love Undyne Undertale fhfhfndkdk she willingly letting herself be used in an experiment to help her people is Very Good tho too hmmmm

!!!!

sorry ur abt to get a whole essay i love undertale so much.........

(also i use a lot of !!! for emphasis, not bc i’m yelling omg)

(also i’m letting you know this is an incoherent mess, it is 2am here akjsdkjsdjk)

but you can definitely be right!!!! tbh your idea seems much more par for the course than the spaghetti im throwing at the wall

even then, though, it’s stll so interesting bc like!!!! undyne’s courage is undeniable, and her fight to protect the underground plays Such a huge role in her whole waterfall arc. and, in the spiritual sense, she is absolutely determined!! that just makes me WONDER though bc, like, canonically, monsters Are Not determined! they don’t have that threshold!

and then, in looking at determination in the spiritual sense, what exactly makes undyne different? is it that her desire to live and protect the underground unlocks that threshold needed for determination? at one point, could monsters be determined, but then their millennia trapped underground biologically/psychologically stripped them of that? so then could any monster in the underground, when facing high enough stakes, have that determination? or is it just undyne?

bc then i think about the other bosses in either route, like papyrus, mettaton, asgore, sans. where undyne is the monster/boss capable of possessing determination, sans is probably the one least likely to have any threshold for determination (this is bc his entire boss fight is him realizing he can no longer be an observer, he is literally the last line of defense between chara and the annihilation of all monsters). mettaton is complicated bc as a napstablook turned corporeal, i dont even know where to BEGIN with him. but then there’s papyrus and!! it feels like he should be capable of feeling determined. in both the pacifist and genocide route, he is so assured that the human has some internal goodness. while, in the genocide route, that hope could be translated to fear, that still makes me wonder: under what circumstances could a monster’s determination be unlocked? is it not solely life or death? does it require some ulterior motives (aka undyne’s whole character being protecting the underground)? and like!!! it’s just so fun to think about bc, say it is undyne’s spiritual determination being unlocked, it’s so interesting that she’s the one differentiated!! that even papyrus, a character brimming with good and happiness and love, doesn’t have that determination, but undyne, who has a similar type of passion and goodness within her, does!!!

with experiment undyne, i will admit my theory is very much uhh wild! and unhinged! and, while my theory is much more playing in the “what if’s” of the science of artificial determination, it still makes me wonder! especially in the boss fight herself. ever since i first saw her genocide boss fight, i’ve always been a bit fixated on her eye, specifically the one w/ the eye-patch that eventually seems to have Some type of arrow power. while this definitely could have just been A Design Choice (and one i stand by!!), undertale is a game that reveals its complete lore when the pacifist and genocide route are put together. thus, in a hypothetical situation, i don’t think it would be out of the question that undyne’s eye could still Do that even in a pacifist route.

but even then, there are holes to poke! such as why doesn’t she use it? if undyne has been injected with artificial determination, why is she, frankly, normal until it’s a matter of life and death?

(to cut to the punchline before i get into my bullshit: i think it’s bc, at first, it seemed as if the artificial determination just Didn’t Work and had no affect, when in reality it needed to be met with spiritual determination as well)

and, again, i know i’m playing with a lot of hypotheticals right now, and mostly this is me just kinda fun bullshit theorizing, but i think it could have something to do with the fact that she has the threshold for spiritual determination! the reason i even think that she would offer herself up to determination experimentation is bc of the loyalty and love she has for asgore and the underground. i would argue that she is just as invested in asgore’s plan as asgore himself is, and she obviously sees him as some type of father-figure. so that alone gives her this Drive to do whatever it takes for the underground to survive.

so, therefore, i think in regards to this hypothetical experiment undyne, i think it quite literally is that spiritual determination threshold combined with artificial determination

and for that, i quickly want to talk abt the amalgamates and why they tie into this:

the timeline: corpses/souls injected with determination --> no reaction --> corpses wake up and act normal --> ??? happens  --> (quickly leads to) amalgamates

and so then that once again raises the question: what differentiates undyne? 

i think, for that, we then have to consider another question: if most monsters do not have the physical determination to continue living after death, can that determination be given when they’re already dead? monsters in general already have no threshold for determination, so can that be artificially made if it never existed in the first place? 

bc while alphys’s experiment, iirc, was to see what happened when a soul was injected with determination, i think the other much needed question is if monster souls could even Handle determination

and, while we do not know specifically what went wrong with the amalgamates (aka like How did they melt together), we do know that their physical forms really were not able to handle the artificial determination, imo most likely bc they do not even have a threshold for spiritual determination

but undyne is, as you have noted, different!

so, frankly, i think you’re right! i think undyne does have an inherent spiritual determination. it’s uncommon in monsters, but her want to save the world is enough to leave her determined

however, i think That would have just been enough to keep her alive

i think it’s artificial determination that gave her that final form! to reference  back to the amalgamates, they were all creatures whose powers we had seen before, but different now and, specifically, more powerful. that very same thing could be said for undyne! her powers are, essentially, things we have seen before, but fucking to Max Intensity 

AND THEN!! AND THEN!!!!!

when you do kill heroine undyne, she doesn’t turn to dust first

she melts first, and then turns to dust!!!!!

and, honestly, it’s that small detail that sent me down this rabbit hole, bc the only ever time we’ve seen monsters melted together are the amalgamates!

i think the main difference between heroine undyne and the amalgamates is the fact that undyne, at first, had No Reaction to the determination at first bc, since she most likely already had this secret threshold for spiritual determination, it wasn’t the Biggest of changes. it wouldn’t have had such a drastic reaction on her physical form bc, even if she didn’t know it yet, it wasn’t an entirely foreign substance

the amalgamates, however, aka monsters who had no spiritual determination, could only handle the artificial determination for an unknown amount of time before their bodies began rejecting the chemicals and becoming..... that

of course, then, this leaves me with even more questions, such as could undyne sustain this final form? would her body eventually give out, overcome by determination? was this form only meant for life or death situations?

and uhhh i think this is the end!! if you made it this far and are thinking to urself “damn you’re really an english major when you write like this?? this isn’t even comprehensible” do not fret!! i know this theory is kinda a shitshow, and it’s one of those things where i can keep myself up all night thinking abt this and talking myself in circles bc there are some points that i think have strengths and other points that are probably pretty weak

basically though!! i see the connection between artificial determination and undyne through the fact that her form actually changes, the reveal of her legit power eye, the way her attacks have been altered, and the fact that she melts at the end (akin to the amalgamates’ appearances) before poofing into dust

this has been,,,, a shitshow i am so sorry i hope this was at least somewhat understandable ajkdsjkdsjk

[amjustagirl]

Nikkiiii hihiii how are you?? how was your week?? how was your day?? I hope you got enough sleep >:)

I read Love knows not its depth (until the hour of separation) and... woahh

Okay first off, it just made me appreciate my parents a whole lot more. Recently I've had some downs with them (me and my habit to get distracted with messaging friends being the one at fault primarily) and idk i just felt hurt and annoyed (more so a week ago but not so much now) and its just....when I read your fic i just instantly had a lot of flashbacks of me and my parents and what all they do for me and how not easy raising a fussy child like me was and i just felt so so grateful to have my parents yk.

And second, man the beginning was so painful yet so real. Like often when people write such scenarios they quickly make it fluffy by having one person forgive the other after they change their behavior for a period of time. However, the more likely scenario that i feel happens is that when someone feels cast aside and that hurt, only a week of acting better or helping them out more really isn't enough. It could honestly take years to heal. It hurts a LOT and makes you wish it didn't work that way but it does and I feel you captured that part of redeeming oneself -due to any reason- quite beautifully.

also, ma'am, YOU PLAY 5 INSTRUMENTS I-

YOU'RE SO TALENTED OMG

(fun story, i picked up the guitar in 4th grade, learnt it for a few months and dropped it cuz my fingers ached💀 i started playing it again last year after i made some band friends [im quite a competitive being so really, all i thought when i wiped the dust from my ancient guitar was that i had to master it and play as good or even better than them...they had been playing the guitar for almost 4 years pls what eVEN] and i had to take a break for exams but i seriously started it again this year and i plan to continue it as much as i can...BUT

bruh sometimes you look at other people playing the same instrument and then you listen to yourself play it as a beginner and it just :( also, i have barely 3 more years until college and ig im just worried abt my profile and stuff too and just ajyfgetfege its all such a mess💀👌 im sorry for ranting a little ahdyfg i meant to express my awe for you KNOWING HOW TO PLAY 5 INSTRUMENTS OMG AND YOU WRITE LIKE A GODDESS TOO PLS AMAZING)

ahbyfg that will be all. Take care of yourself <333

Hello Nanini!!! it’s so nice to see you again! 

haha yes - i drew a LOT of inspiration from my mom when i was writing this story, her angst and the hardship she must have suffered bringing up two daughters along with a full time job (and a difficult mother in law) was something i really tapped on. i mean tbh i think a lot of people have fraught relationships with their parents (because parents are human, are some rly aren’t meant to be parents), so im grateful for mine and i’m glad to hear you have lovely parents too (we all go through some angst with our parents in our teenage years, don’t sweat it, it’s only normal)! 

redemption for kuroo was tricky to write. i definitely tried to build it up, show him put in a sustained effort, and show them fall in love and build their relationship again without either of them saying “i love you”. it’s...a very asian thing you know? to say i love you without saying i love you - again, something i drew on from seeing my chinese parents grow up yknow?  

i was worried at first, writing him as neglectful - was worried people might say i’ve mischaracterised him, but i feel like there’s the potential for him to lose sight of his family because he’s so ambitious. he doesn’t do it intentionally - he just has a bad case of tunnel vision imo. 

HAHA i’m not talented! my parents signed me up for piano lessons as a kid (again, very stereotypically asian), and i ended up studying music as a subject in high school so i had to pick up a second instrument (clarinet). then i joined the orchestra and picked up a few more instruments there, mostly out of necessity cos my main instrument sounds....most like a bagpipe so there are some songs that wouldn’t have a part for it! anw - practice the guitar if it makes YOU happy, and don’t compare yourself to others, its unhealthy and rly your only competition is yourself! 

as for college applications - breathe. take it one day at a time, albeit with an eye on your overall goal. i was such an anxious teenager, worrying about college exams and i sorta regret not giving myself the space to truly find myself and have fun. so i’d say, while you should work hard and work smart, don’t forget that you’re only young once, so live life and explore what makes you happy - it’ll stand you in good stead for happiness further down the road <3 

[archiefm]

         ... claws my way up from hell once more and vomits onto the dash.... hello. its nora. i used to write rory bergstrom, but if u were here before that u might remember me as greta or alma putnam or..... som1 else.... an endless carousel of trash children..... this is finn, who i actually wrote for an early version of this rp abt 5yrs back now...... grits teeth..... so forgive me if im rusty i havent written him in a long time but seein honey boy gave me a lotta finn muse n im keen to get Back On The Horse yeehaww...

DYLAN O’BRIEN / CIS-MALE — don’t look now, but is that finn o’callaghan i see? the 25 year old criminology and forensic studies student is in their graduate year of study year and he is a rochester alum. i hear they can be judicious, adroit, morose and cynical, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet he will make a name for themselves living off-campus. ( nora. 24. gmt. she/her )

shakes my tin can a humble pinterest, ma’am....

finn has a bio pasted at the bottom (n written in like.... 2015.... gross) but it’s long  so if u don’t wanna read it here’s the sparknotes summary..... anyway this was written years ago n a lot of it seems really cliche and lame now but..... we accept the trash we think we deserve

grumpy, ugly sweater wearing, tech-savvy grandpa

very dry sense of humour and embraces nihilism. 

if ron swanson and april ludgate had a baby it would be finn

he was raised in derry, just south of dublin.

from a big family. elder sister called sinead. he also has a younger sister (aoife), a younger brother (colm), and a collie named lassie because his father lovs cliches (finn hates cliches but loves his dog). 

his father was a pub landlord and his mother worked at the market sellin fruit n veg when they met but got a job as a medical receptionist when she had kids cos it meant she cld be there with them in the day and work nights.

his parents met when they were p young and fiesty and rushed into marriage cos they were catholic n just wanted to have sex. his family were literally dirt-poor, but they had a lot of love i guess

hmmmmm his relationship w his father wasn’t the best cos i can’t write character who have healthy relationships w their parents throws up a peace sign. yh, had a pretty emotionally distant, alcoholic violent father n so gets a lot of his bad habits i.e. drinking as a coping mechanism and poor anger management from him BUT anyway

as a kid he was never very motivated in class, he always had a nervous itch to be off somewhere doing something else. struggled under government austerity bcso there just wasn’t the resources to support low income families where the kids had learning difficulties n needed support. fuck the tories am i right 

his mum suggested he try sports to help w his restless energy but he was never any good at football so he took up boxing and tap dance instead. he took to tap dancing like a fish to fuckin water. as adhd n found this as a really good way to use his excess energy in a creative way

had a few run ins with the police in his early teens for spray painting and graffiti, but he straightened himself out n now actually considering becoming a detective inspector??? cops are pigs.

he had a youtube channel where he posted videos of him tapdancing and breakdancing as a kid, basically would be a tiktok boy nowadays, n had like... a small fanbase in his early teens. attended several open auditions unsuccessfully, until he was finally cast in billy eliot when he was fifteen.

during billy eliot he began dating an italian dancer called nina. they became dance partners soon after and toured across the republic with various different shows (inc riverdance lol the classic irish stereotype). their relationship was p toxic tbh, they were both very hot tempered people and just used to argue and fight all the time.

he went semi-pro at tap dancing, and nina couldn’t stand being second best so she moved back to italy with her family. ignored his texts, phone calls, etc, eventually he was driven to the point where he used his savings to buy a plane ticket, showed up at her house and she was like wtf?? freaked out and filed a restraining order accusing him of stalking.

he was fined for harassment and then returned home to derry, but after the incident with nina he quit dancing for good and finished his leaving cert before heading to university in the US to get as far away from nina and his past life as poss. and basically since he quit dancing to study forensics (death kink. finn cant get enough of that morgue. just walks around sayin beat u) he’s become a massive grump and jsut doesn’t see the good in people any more.

u’ll find finn in an old man bar drinking whiskey bc he is in fact an old man at heart or sat on his roof smoking a joint, drawing wolves and lions and skeletons and shit, playing call of duty or getting blazed or at the corner of the room in a house party ignoring everyone and scrolling through twitter. is a massive e-boy. always up-to-date on memes and internet slang. has reddit as an app on his phone

not very good at communication. rather than solve his issues by talking, he’d prefer to just solve them through fighting or running away from his problems hence why he has come halfway across the world to get away from an issue which probs cld have been solved w a few apology emails.

takes a lot to phase him, but when his beserk button gets pressed he can become a bit pugnacious like an angry lil rottweiler. in his undergrad he was in a few fist fights but doesn’t really do tht any more as he doesn’t condone violence.

 in the previous version of this rp he was hospitalised like 5 times. pls, give my son a break. stop tryin to kill him. he literaly got a bottle smashed over his head and bled out all over his favourite angora rug that was the only light of his life

works at the campus coffee shop n always whines about how he’s a slave to capitalism. always smells of coffee

lives off campus with an elderly woman named Marianne, and basically gets reduced rent bcos he makes her dinner / keeps her company. they have a great bond

fan of karl marx. v big on socialism

insomniac with chronic nosebleeds

cynical about everything. too much of a fight club character 4 his own good n has his head up tyler durden’s sphincter

always confused or annoyed

statistics

basic information

full name: finnegan seamus o'callaghan nickname(s): finn age: 25 astrological sign: aries hometown: derry, ireland occupation: phd student / former street entertainer fatal flaw: cynicism positives: self-reliant, street smart, relaxed, intelligent, spontaneous, brave, independent, reliable, trustworthy, loyal. negatives: hostile, impulsive, stubborn, brooding, pugnacious, untrusting, cynical, enigmatic, reserved.

physical

colouring: medium hair colour: dark brown, almost black eye colour: brown height: 5’9” weight: 69kg build: tall, athletic voice: subtle irish accent, low, smooth. dominant hand: left scar(s): one on the left side of his ribs from a knife wound that he doesn’t remember getting cos he was drunk distinguishing marks: freckles, tattoo of a wolf howling at a moon allergies: pollen and the full spectrum of human emotion alcohol tolerance: high drunken behaviour: he becomes friendlier, far more conversational than when sober, flirtier, and generally more self-confident.

psychological

dreams/goals: self-fulfilment, travel the globe, experience life in its most alive and technicoloured version, make documentary films, help the vulnerable in society, grow as a human being.

skills: jack-of-all-trades, very fast runner, good at thieving things, talented tap dancer, good in crisis situations, dab-hand at mechanics, musically-intelligent, can throw a mean right hook and very capable of defending himself, can roll a cigarette, memorises quotes and passages of literature with ease, can light a match with his teeth.

likes: the smell of the earth after rain, poetry, cigarettes, shakespeare, whiskey, tattoos, travelling, ac/dc, deep conversations, leather jackets, open spaces, the smell of petrol, early noughties ‘emo phase’ anthems.

dislikes:  the government, parties, rules, donald trump, children, apple products, weddings, people in general, small talk, dependency, loneliness, pop music, public transport, justin timberlake, uncertainty.fears: fear itself, drowning alignment: true neutral mbti: istp – “while their mechanical tendencies can make them appear simple at a glance, istps are actually quite enigmatic. friendly but very private, calm but suddenly spontaneous, extremely curious but unable to stay focused on formal studies, istp personalities can be a challenge to predict, even by their friends and loved ones. istps can seem very loyal and steady for a while, but they tend to build up a store of impulsive energy that explodes without warning, taking their interests in bold new directions.” (via 16personalities.com)

full bio (lame as fuck written years ago..... pleathe...)

tw homophobia

born in quigley’s pub on the backstreets of sunny dublin, young finnegan o'callaghan was thrown kicking and screaming into the rowdy suburbs of irish drinking culture. the son of a landlord and a fishwife, he never had much in the way of earnings, but there was never a dull moment in his lively estate, where asbo’s thrived, but community spirit conquered. at school, finn was pegged as lazy and unmotivated, though truly his dyslexia made it hard for the boy to learn in the same environment of his peers and only made him more closed-off in class. struggling with anger management, finn moved from school to school, unable to fit the cookie-cutter mould that school enforced on him, though whilst academic studies were of little interest to the boy, he soon found his true passions lay in recreational activities. immersed into the joys of sport from as young as four, finn was an ardent munster fan and anticipated nothing more than the day he could finally fit into his brother’s old pair of rugby boots.

his calling finally came unexpectedly, not in the form of rugger, but through dance. to learn to express himself in a non-academic way, he began tap dancing, finding therapy in the beat of his soles against the cracked kitchen tiles (much to his mother’s disgrace). it wasn’t a conscious choice, finn just realised one day that dance was something that made him feel. a king of the streets, finn made his fortune on those cobbled pavements – dancing and drawing to earn his keep. by default, finn became a street artist, each penny he earned from his chalk drawings saved in a jam jar towards buying his first pair of tap shoes. though many of his less-than-amiable neighbours called him a nancy and a gaybo, finn refused to quit at his somewhat ‘unconventional’ hobby, for the young scrapper found energy, life, and released anger through the rhythm of tap. soon he branched out into street dance, hip hop, break dancing, lyrical, his days spent smacking his scuffed feet against the broken patio into the night.

when he was thirteen he took up boxing, and as expected, his newfound ‘macho’ pastime conflicted with his dancing. the boxers called him ‘soft’; the dancers called him ‘inelegant’. he felt like two different people; having to choose between interests was like being handed a knife and asked to which half of himself he wished to cut away. he couldn’t afford professional training in dance, with most schools based in england and limited scholarships available. instead, he made the street his studio, racking up a small fanbase on youtube. when he was fifteen he made his debut in billy eliot at the olympia theatre in dublin. enter nina de souza, talented, beautiful and italian; ballet dancer, operatic singer, genius whiz kid, and spoiled brat. she was selfish, conceited, hell bent on getting her own way, and every director’s nightmare. finn fell for her like a house of cards. he’d always had a soft spot for girls who meant trouble. and so their hellish courtship began.

by the time they were seventeen, the two young swans had danced in every playhouse across the republic. they were known in theatres across the country for their tempestuous personalities, their raging arguments with one another, their tendency to drop out of shows altogether without any notice, yet the money kept rolling in and the audiences continued to grow. for three years, their families continued to put up with their hysterical fights followed by passionate reconciliations. he was too possessive, and she was too wild. their carcrash of a relationship finally came to a catastrophic halt when nina broke off the whole affair and returned to italy with her family. for months finn tried to contact her, yet his phone calls, texts, facebook messages were always ignored, until finally he was driven to drastic measures and used his savings to get a plane to her home town. when finn turned up uninvited at nina’s house she freaked out – and rightly so – she contacted her agent, accused him of stalking her, and had a restraining order placed against him. finn was arrested, held in a station overnight, and charged with harassment before he was allowed to return to dublin.

after the incident with nina, finn lost the fight in his eyes. he became far more hostile, far less likely to retaliate with his own fists, and picked fights not for the thrill of feeling his own fists pummel another into a wall, but for the sensation of his own brittle bones cracking. he dropped his tap shoes in a dumpster, stopped talking to his friends, followed his father’s advice and went back to school to complete his leaving certificate. a few short months later, and finn was packing his bags, saying his bittersweet goodbyes, and travelling half-way across the globe to be as far away as possible from his past self, his mess of a life, and most of all nina. it seemed somehow ironic that the boy who had been cautioned by the garda so much during his youth for spray painting, busking without a liscence, and raucous parties would become the grumpy, aloof overseas student studying a degree in criminology; that his once reckless spirit could be crushed so easily. 

of all things that finn could be called, straightforward would never be one of them. ever since his first days in atticus, the boy was pegged as hostile, hot-headed, cynical, rude. he seemed to spend more time in his thoughts than engaging in conversation. like a ticking time-bomb, finn’s anger was of the calm kind, liable to explode without a moment’s noticed. his unpredictable personality make him something of an enigma to those who aren’t amiable with the lad, though hostile as he may appear, he harvests a good heart. loyalty lies at the centre of his affections, and whilst his friends are few in number, he makes a lifelong partner. somewhere within finn, there’s still some fight left, but mostly he has recognised that his hedonistic lifestyle did little to leave him fulfilled – mostly, it just emptied him out – and over his three years at university has resigned himself to a nihilistic predicament.

        if u wanna plot with me pls pls pls im me or like this post!! i am always game for plots i love em so excited to write with you all here r some ideas

study buddies. finn is now a phd student so has to start takin shit seriously. he gon be in the library every day doing that independent study. if he had ppl who were also regular library goers n they get each other coffees to save time.... tht wld be sweet

ppl who love techno dj sets and going super hard on the weekends!!! fuck yea

friends with benefits. exes on bad terms. ppl he tried to date but couldnt because he’s always emotionally hung up on someone else. spicy hook up plots

ppl he met touring?? maybe ppl who were also in the entertainment industry..... anyone got a character who is ex circus hit me up

does anyone else study criminology / forensics / criminal psych / law? phd students sometimes lecture so he cld be an assistant lecturer / tutor if ur character is in a younger year

gamers !!! social recluses !!! hermits !!

finn goes to the skatepark and all the young boys there think he’s a gradnpa which he is! 

[jul-bilant]

Prince!Seungcheol

prince seungcheol

he was always the buzz around the whole kingdom *i mean y wouldnt he?? have you sEEN the guy????*

he’s always going around town, supervising incase any dumbass decided to sell drugs around the block or smth

(he once caught one and he didnt kno seungcheol was the prince and offered him marijuana and got arrested bc of tht and bc seungcheol got offended lmao)

and whenever he passes by, theres always gonna be some thirstyass girls staring at him like

“oMF SAMANTHA ITS PRINCE SEUNGCHEOL”

“SHUT UP JESS HE’S GONNA HEAR YOU DIMWIT”

or like

*runs up to him* “cAN I BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND??”

and tbh seungcheol just deadass rejects her but like,,, politely bc pRINCE MANNERS

and thats why he has two bodyguards with him at all times outside the palace now

anyways;;; prince seungcheol’s rlly rlly rLLY polite and well-mannered

he’s also a smart boi like

8 yr old seungcheol can solve 10th grade algebra, write a whole 10+ paged essay abt cytology and find the cure for cancer

kidding lol *nOT*

but srsly, this boi is smarter than yo algebra teachers like bi h

and he’s also sort of leader-like, so people already know he’ll be a great king one day

but he also has a kind heart and cares for everyone he loves and the whole kingdom

a 5 yr old girl once tripped over a rock infront of him and he took her to a bench, bought a bandage and aided her scraped knee ;-;

you can tell im soft for seungcheol hhhh

anyways, he’s been stressing out for a while because his coronation as king is nearing and it’s in a few months since his father died a year ago

and he needs to find a suitable partner

thats where you come in

you’re a maid in the palace

the maids have a thing where they check on seungcheol every two or three hours to see if he’s hungry, needs smth, or anything like tht

and this time, you were assigned to check on him

tbh you’ve never been assigned because it’s always the head maid that checks on him or that one maid thats always been the head maid’s fave

but not today

it was 10 pm and you went to see if seungcheol needed anything so you go to his study room

but before you knock, you hear something from inside his study room

it sounds like crying

and you know for a fact that thats seungcheol’s voice thats crying

you were at a loss of what to do, so it took you a while to do anything, but you decided to go down and tell the chefs that he was hungry just so you could bring him his favourite food to cheer him up

when you went back to the study room, you knocked

but he didn’t answer

it was quiet now, no more sobbing

so you opened the door

and saw seungcheol with his head down on the desk

you quietly wheeled the food towards his study table and put the tray on the other desk near the couch

you carefully approached seungcheol out of curiosity

his cheeks were stained with dried tears, but other than that, he still looked as handsome as ever

you grew concerned and took of the blankets from the bigass closet near the prince’s room and draped it over him

i mean, you were already there so why not lol

the next morning, seungcheol awoke to the smell food and a blanket around him

he grew confused but shrugged it off, he expected one of the maids to do these things

but he smiled knowing someone cares

meanwhile, the head maid came up to you and told you that you’ll be the maid who’ll regularly check up on seungcheol from now on since she was, quote-on-quote, “busy”, and her favourite maid had to retire for god knows what

you didn’t know why but you felt a sense of happiness and anxiety at the same time

so in the afternoon, you go to check on seungcheol as he’s in the study room, sorting out papers

when you enter the room after knocking, seungcheol kinda stares at you

not in the bad, offending way, nah m8

but like

‘holy shit this woman looks better than a grilled cheese sandwich’

which roughly translates to “prince seungcheol is making googly-eyes at maid y/n” ty v much

and he blushed a bit but hid it well when you approached him

“good afternoon, prince seungcheol.. i am maid y/n, i’ll be the new maid who’ll check on you from time to time from now on..” you inform him

he smiles

s m i l  e s

“thank you for informing me, miss y/n,” he replied

“may i ask you a small favor?”

you were like

‘w8 boi whut-’

but you just replied with an “ok”

“please tell the maid who draped a blanket over me and brought me food last night 'thank you’, and tell her it’s from me.” he smiled

you contemplated on telling him whether or not it was you,

which would be odd for other people, since they would of cOURSE take the chance and say that they did

but you had a sense of not taking credibility in most cases bc you like being humble and shiet so you nod and telling him you’ll inform her

“thank you, it means a lot to me..” seungcheol smiles

a few months after, you hear his royal adviser, which no one rlly likes tbh (tht includes seungcheol), scolding him because he has yet to find a partner

so you go check on him in his bedroom after knocking, and he let you in

you two had, undoubtedly, grown close

which is weird bc he doesnt really make friends w/ workers in the palace, much less be best friends with them

but thats what happened

he basically tells you everything from his dreams, to when his father passed, to how his cat scratched the curtain of the theatre room and etc.

so naturally, you started liking him

but of course, why’d the prince like a maid like you????

yall were just best friends

(like any other ff pfft)

you sat down on his bed, a concerned look on your face as he was on the verge of tears

“whats wrong?” you asked, even if you already knew what dampened his mood

“Mr. Song is pressuring me into getting married again, but this time he told me other things..”

you watch as a tear or two falls from his eyes

its really painful to watch him cry

“its okay… you dont have to tell me if you dont want to..” you reassured seungcheol but he just shakes his head

“no.. i think you deserve to know”

and he told you about how his adviser called him a worthless prince for not being able to even court a girl, telling him that if he was this indecisive, the kingdom would fall, and other hurtful things like that

at this point, he was crying the whole waterfall somewhere in the deep woods near the kingdom

“cheol.. i’m sorry you had to endure that…”

without thinking, you gently pulled him into your arms, pulling him into a warm hug

both of you were surprised, but didn’t waver away from the hug

for a second you thought 'omf why the fu c  k did i do that’

but you just shook the thought away, telling yourself that your best friend is in emotional pain and you did that for moral support

(which wasnt the only reason but you wanted to deny the others hhh)

but seungcheol on the other hand was lo si  n g his shit

on the inside, of course

he’s like 'omg omg omg she’s hugging me mOM-’

but thats where it dawned on him

he likes you

the next day, you knocked on the door of his study room

but it was silent, just like that one night when he cried himself to sleep

so you opened the door,

but he wasnt there

you panicked a little, thinking about where on palace grounds he couldve gone to

so you checked his bedroom, the kitchen, the theatre room, the throne room, the royal gardens, everywhere

but aside from finding his cat scratching the theatre room curtains, they were all empty

you asked the head maid where he was and she answered you with a shocked expression before replying

“you mean to tell me you didn’t know he was in the neighboring kingdom, meeting up with his arranged fiancee?”

fiancee

arranged or not, it still hurt to know that he was with the woman who he was going to marry

and that was not you

the head maid gave you the day off, since seungcheol wasnt here for the day

you dressed casually, a white, plain, sleeveless dress that goes to your knees, instead of the regular, convervative, longsleeved maid uniform you were obliged to wear when you had work

you took a walk around the palace grounds, eventaully stopping when you reach the rooftop balcony

the moon was already making an appearance, the night ready to take over the sky

you stay there for the time being, finding the night sky, stars and a few blobs of clouds enticing to the human eye

moments later, you find yourself holding back tears

you let out a few stray tears drip down your cheeks as you sniff, not bothering to wipe them away

you were surprised when a blanket was wrapped around you, and a familiar pair of arms pulling into a hug

“its cold, you shouldn’t be out here at this ti- ….why are you crying?” you heard him voice out the last part in a soft whisper, contrasting his normal tone of speech like how he talked a few moments ago

“n-nothing… its dumb..” you tell him, dismissively

but he wasnt having it

“come on, i’ll listen to you.. tell me whats bothering you to the point where you’re crying..” seungcheol wiped a few of your tears away

“i’ll be fine, cheol.. and.. aren’t you supposed to be in the neighboring kingdom until tomorrow?..” you asked

“yes.. but there was no reason to stay if i rejected the marriage.”

what

w h a  t

“you- what?!” you turned to him, dumbfounded

he chuckled

“yeah, i rejected the marriage. i have my eyes on another girl..” he confessed, not breaking the eye contact you both shared

“…quite literally..” he grinned

“she was there for me through everything, comforted me at the toughest of times, and brought me food and a blanket when i fell asleep at my study room..”

so he knew

you blushed, knowing exactly what he meant

he approached you slowly, and once he had you in his field of reach, he cupped your face and pulled you closer to him

“would you…” he paused

“…marry me?”

you smiled a gentle, assuring smile

“..of course.”

and in a fit of smiles and small laughs, seungcheol kissed you

[cleocazo]

Alt alt alt 😘😘

im abt to throw it right back w this one cause ,, even tho she was rly badly written w a rly bad concept, CHARLOTTE WINTERS my TWENTY TWO year old WEREWOLF is forever in my heart. charlie was sixteen yrs old when i created her in 2012 for a buffy the vampire forum rp - considerably younger than all the other characters there, which reflected my situation too. everyone in this rp, aside from one other guy, was like.. 25+. most were in their thirties. i was thirteen turning fourteen and they all KNEW this, but … none of them had any issue ? in fact they all rly took me under their wing and taught me the rp ropes so to speak, so charlie mightn’t be great, but she comes with some pretty neat memories. i don’t remember a lot of her backstory, tbh. i know her home life was rly bad, to the point where like… her dad. who was someone high up in the reopened initiative ( villains in the buffy universe who experiment on monsters ), performed a lot of experiments on her after she was bitten, which resulted in charlie not only turning on full moons but also likely to turn whenever, if her heart rate rose. she was kinda supposed to be a villain when i brought her in, fitting in to a need the rp had for “double agents” who were working for the villains but reporting on the heroes - but plot twist, that wasn’t what actually happened. the first part of the plan went off without a hitch: this little runaway wolf pulled the heartstrings of this older wolf, danna, who’d also had a rough childhood and run away, and she took her back to her house w her boyfriend michael and insisted on becoming her guardian. but then the og plan went to shit cause charlie grew to rly love danna, and when michael dropped the suspicion and got close to her, he became like.. big brother and father figure all wrapped into one for her. they introduced her to the rest of their pack - oz, cole & their young ward, chester ( charlie’s future love, bc they were the same age in similar situations and also, michael hated him, so it was a great dynamic ) - and everyone decided to accept charlie in. she was supposed to like. kill them, ig. and instead she deflected bc they gave her all the things she’d never had before ( love, a family, all the gooey stuff ). she softened up and started going to school w chester in like. ‘15. and she even saved his life after an attack and opened up and told everyone the truth abt her, and why she’d originally come - and everyone forgave her bc she’d never hurt them or tried to and it was just. super cute. i miss her everyday. 

SEND ME “ALT!” TO BE INTRODUCED TO AN OLD CHARACTER / ONE I WANT TO PLAY / ONE I’M PLAYING  !!

here u go, hannah, another free promo for sidekickhq - right now i am playing a phoebe tonkin fc named MONICA “NIKKI” BARTON, and she is the actual love of my life. nikki is the TWENTY THREE ( almost twenty four. its coming soon ) year old daughter of BARNEY BARTON, otherwise known as hawkeye’s trash brother who’s mostly a villain, sometimes just stupid - and outta every oc i’ve made in the last few yrs, i think she’s gotta be my fave. she’s totally human ( no special powers here ), and she’s had the worst life, so allow me to try n unpack it all: her dad’s an alcoholic and her mom was addicted to drugs, and after 3 yrs together they split up, her mom dragging her across state and away from permanent mess, barney. he didn’t have contact w her up until she was seven, coming back into her life w a court order and proceeding to try and make awkward conversation during every scheduled meet up. at eleven her mom fell of the wagon and overdosed - nikki came home, couldn’t unlock her bedroom door, and called her dad. she waited on the porch steps while he broke down the door and found her mom dead. the cops took her away and stuck her in the foster system, and for another three yrs her dad tried rly hard to get legal custody of her. that failed, so he just. kidnapped her. from the playground. great parenting, barney! they traveled for a lil while but eventually settled back in the rly rundown house that nikki had spent her first 3 yrs, and life was a whole ass mess from that point onwards. her dad kept drinking, she kept having to bail him out, she eventually dropped out of high school so she could make money to actually, y’know, survive, this led her into being a drug mule, and from there, can u believe, it actually gets worse. her boss was p paranoid, used to hit her if he thought she’d skimmed some product to feed what had now become a personal addiction, too, and her dad was still p nonexistent. she completed her GED and did some online courses but she was pretty stuck, ‘til she ended up in JAIL - this is another long story, but her boss got it in his head she’d stolen money that he had actually just not gotten, and drove to her house w all intent of killing her. in the resulting fight she hit him over the head w an iron doorstop and realizing he was dead, called the cops and waited for them on the porch ( some nice lil mirror imagery, there ). she’d only completed like. four yrs of her sentence, when her uncle clint finally got wind of what had happened and cut her a deal with shield - if she gave them info on her dad, who was still at large, then they’d let her go free ( tho free meant going to a monitored academy and not stepping outta line ). she agreed, the rest is history, i stan nikki barton so much. she’s SUCH a typical phoebe tonkin character i own that so u don’t have to drag me, but she’s rly also so good - and my fave thing is that her arc isn’t about her finding that goodness, or anything. she already knows who she is. her arc’s all abt slotting back in with family, and trying to find her footing in a world she feels she got cut off from, and tryna work out what she can do when up til now, she didn’t have any chances. she finally has a shot at some sort of good life - and i’m rly loving writing that. 

and now, a character i have created but am yet to play - BEATRICE ANNE HALLMAN, commonly known as BIBA, is a TWENTY THREE yr old human who’s just rly out here. living her life. biba suffered from a ventricular septal defect at birth, and though she survived the surgery she went through to fix that, has had some health issues for most of her life because of it. this could have led to her being someone afraid of . u know. pretty much everything. but it didn’t! she has dreams and she wants to achieve them, but she’s stuck for the time being cause. even tho she was a fighter, who survived a literal hole in her heart - she got kinda used to things getting handed to her cause of that ( #spoiled ), and she expected to get into the college of her dreams without putting forward much effort. she didn’t, so now she’s gone into windows shut down mode which is... give up and don’t do anything bc one thing didn’t go right and that means that she’s a failure who will never amount to anything. that’s not true, obviously, but she’s fairly content to believe it, and has spent the last couple years working as a bartender and taking part in productions put on in her local theater, which isn’t hollywood, but.. it’ll do! nothing is enough for biba and my fave thing about her is that even if she’s stuck right now it’s not gonna last forever and she will go to college and achieve something, she just needs to get her head outta her ass first and realize that even if she can’t do what she wants, it doesn’t mean she won’t get to where she wants to be, eventually. i stan!

[butchtaurus]

When will i shut up abt this tbh? hopefully after this… god damn.

Now that it’s been days since the supergirl sdcc incident. i wanna try talk about it more comprehensively? I’m not so good with words or expressing my feelings but i feel like i need to try and understand. I’ll probably forget things i want to say lmao. It’s probably gonna be SO LONG, I’m so so so so SORRY!!!!!!

So, people are mad at Jeremy and Melissa for “making fun of a popular f/f ship.” And while on the surface it seems exactly that, it partially was. But i don’t think the words yelled at us, and it was at us because he looked directly at he camera while doing it, “THEYRE ONLY FRIENDS” was the problem. It was that a fanbase made of many young LGBT people were singled out. Now the intent on Jeremy or Melissa’s part may not have been homophobic or meant to hurt in anyway, they felt they were joking around. But they still did hurt a lot of people.

My interpretation of this “joke” felt like they were poking fun at me for believing two female friends could more than friends and that it was silly to think that. In Jeremy’s first apology he says how its valid how he interprets their story. Which is absolutely correct! He can view them as only friends, no one’s gonna make fun of that. Cause… thats canon? lmao. Part of fiction is allowing the consumer to interpret the work however they see fit because whats the fun in being told what the fiction or art means?

Maybe the cast was tired of being asked about Supercorp, but why was it brought up unprompted in this song recap like that? Jeremy could’ve sang something like ‘Kara met Lena and they became best friends!’ done, perfect, move on. Everything woulda been chill. But instead he faced the camera, which breaks him apart from the interviewers and his cast mates to talk to us the fans, and yelled to the camera.

Onto the rest of the interview because that song was not the only thing that made me disappointed and/or angry.

The interviewer asks about shipping (Kara and Lena). Jeremy chimes in and says “I feel like I’m gonna get destroyed for what I just did…. I’m sorry. I just debunked supercorp.” And Melissa says “That was pretty brave.” And I THINK, that’s where others got really mad at Melissa. I do not think Melissa was saying Jeremy was brave for “debunking supercorp” but that it was brave he just said any of that shit, because the cast has to know how insanely loud this fanbase as a whole is, usually not in a good way. (I’ve never seen it, but i just know people have to be sending death threats to multiple people in this cast, or insulting them in some way when its none of our business. Valid criticism aside.)

Then, the interviewer asks a weirdly worded question towards supercorp as a ship. “Are you caught off guard when you hear about, sort of, [what] fans are making of relationships, seeing stuff that is or isn’t there or might be there, et cetera? Like what do you make of it at this point?” Which, since listening to that fandomentals podcast, does throw me off because it puts everyone in a weird position to answer the othering(?) type question.

Now after Melissa answers the question, i have no problem with her answer there tbh, Katie chimes in with a very thoughtful response on how we can interpret art how we want. I also wanna talk about what people thought Mehcad was saying during the end of Katie’s response. I think everyone was feeling very hurt and sensitive since the song etc, so people were very analytical of everything being said. So people thought Mehcad was either saying “zitta” or “take that”, and since re-listening to the actual interview I hear “take that” as in ‘yes, take what you want from fiction’ AND NOT zitta. Take that (haha) for what you will and if you still think it was zitta I would urge you to re-listen and check after you’ve calmed down a bit? Not to be condescending to/dismissive of your feelings tho! ahhhh

After Katie has said her response. Chris says “Yeah and sexuality is all about others perceptions of yours, right? [cast laughter] Am I right?! …. That was sarcasm!” Yeah… okay. Maybe it was sarcasm, but it was a shitty thing to say at all. And also makes no sense for what they’re talking about. I mean… we’re talking about fictional character here aren’t we? So, what? why? what..?

Jeremy replies to Chris’s comment: “Hey listen, I went to musical theatre school I know all about other peoples perception of sexuality.” So… uh, we aren’t talking about fictional characters? Honestly, who cares what other people think about your sexuality? Did/do people think your gay? Why is that so bad? (Maybe I’m still a little sensitive about that part for some reason…)

Now, I think that was all from THAT interview specifically. There was definitely more ugly stuff that happened with Supergirl at comic con, at least to me. Maybe I’ll make another post because this is so fucking long, I’m so sorry…

The cast may not have meant to hurt anyone with all of this, and they definitely aren’t homophobic like how I think people mean? I really do think its in bad taste to just call them homophobic for this incident. What they did was like a micro aggression and in the grand scheme of things very little. Though large in the aftermath unfortunately. They just couldn’t understand the intracasies to LGBT fandoms or shipping, or even LGBT people, since they aren’t. Basically it was ignorance on their part. So, for me personally, I’m not gonna go all out and hate them. I do have a distrust that I can’t ignore though cause i felt made fun of. :/

To people who think “yeah well supercorps deserved it for how they treat the cast.” I can not control what other people do with their social media. I do not see whatever everyone else fucking does. I sit here in my bubble liking the things I like. I can only say that, I do not condone any ugly person that sends death threats, tells someone in the cast to kill themselves, insults the cast, or bring up personal things to be gross to the cast. I do not like that and think it’s stupid. I could only hope anyone 18 and older would know better and that anyone younger would please think of the cast as actual human beings. It doesn’t matter how much you hate any of the cast. Take your time to do anything else.

And listen, feelings are not invalid. No matter how many people think it’s an overreaction. People don’t get to tell you what you feel is stupid. You were hurt, that is the end of it. You’re allowed to be angry or upset or sad or disappointed but before you think to write something angry or rude, take a few minutes or a few hours and try understand why you’re angry and be respectful if you want to express those feelings. Cause when I look back to those words I said right after I was hurt by theirs… I know that I didn’t hurt anyone else. But, if I did? I’m sorry. D:

If you didn’t get offended or hurt? That’s great I’m really happy for you! :)

ALSO AGAIN IF YOU READ THIS WHOLE THING OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY YOU USED YOUR TIME ON MY WORDS AHHHHHHAGDHJFK

[kkukkung]

it makes me happy that wonho gets to go to his mums cafe? it seems like he goes there a lot and i wouldn't really expect him to get that much freedom or free time? so i'm really happy ahhh +other idols going there! i hope the other members go sometimes toooo

jdjfienzhd you’re so pretty!!!! I love your hair! 😭me too!!!!!! tbh i’m still so surprised he gets to do that??? feel like generally monsta x has a lot more freedom than they did in 2015 + the first half of 2016, especially bc i’m p sure they have their phones and idk… just generally they seem to be so much more comfortable navigating the industry and it makes me happy :’>

more replies (dated oldest to newest) under the cut~

youre so beautiful i cry

omg… i…. thank you im sry im replying so so late (so late that… i forgot the context for it….) but rly… thank u… idk how to respond adequately to kind anons but rly i think ur all so so lovely for taking the time just to tell someone something nice like this tyvm i hope ur faring well anon and ur… v beautiful too i Know it… 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Don’t look @ me but minhyuk in the kihyun cooking vlive was S*xy he was a lil dirty and mean and Real Boy™ it was……h*t anyways whns he gonna kick flip me outta this hemisphere

shut up fjfkhsggjk me too he’s like… such a dirty sock sometimes but he’s MY dirty sock u know… my favourite minhyuk is when he peels off his 50000 layers of fake personas and u see a glimmer of chaotic glee flit by in his alien countenance i love him sm sm sm when he’s a bit gross n mean n Filthy…. that’s my boy!!!!!!! that’s my boY!!!

tbh i never really thought Kihyun is perverted so i was a little suprised when it came up, and some people are saying now that they felt it (lol?), u said you also knew it, im sorry this so stupid but im really confused, like i dunno i always knew kihyun had an attitude but a perv ? lmao (not conplaining, just confused and a little lost, love ya) bye

omg lol sorry darling this isn’t stupid at all! i was 50% kidding 50% srs… he’s not… like actually ~perverted~ (none of them rly are??? but mb ck has the most Curiosity and he + mh make the most… dirty jokes… + wonho sometimes but he’s more happy in his softness ANYWAY) idk this is a bit irrelevant but just to explain, language-wise i always associate korean closer w chinese so even if im watching smth in eng sub i translate the subs into… chinese… kind of… to understand it better… and the word 변태 (byuntae) is the equivalent of 变态 (biantai) in chinese and while it means pervert/perverted it’s also just a general term for being strange/abnormal (in fact that’s its correct/real meaning + the former is more slang)… i think minhyuk was playing around with the connotations of it as well as just poking fun at kihyun bc he likes seeing kihyun look indignant! that said my 50% srsness in relation to this is… bc… um… i see kihyun as being… mb… into Some Things skjhfgkj but i won’t elaborate here!

minhyuk called wonho “hoseokie-hyung” once during fighter promotions if you didn’t know already 👀

me: *digging a 165cm long hole in the exact shape of my body* this is fine

Kihyun just wants to take up space .. as much as possible 💦😩

(this was in relation to when i called him out for manspreading…) maximum surface area for more efficient diffusion of his [redacted] [redacted]

Do you check out blogs?? hehe

yes sure jus like…. link me… jkfshg i tend to follow content creators/ppl who write interesting tags and i try not to follow anyone too much younger/older than me, that’s abt all! :>

minhyuk cuddling on jooheon during the no exist prologue was so 👌👌 sapping all of jooheon’s warmth while looking so soft and cute how does minhyuk do it 😩😩

it’s rly his Thing hm hm not to get… sappy but he’s so… full of love and jus wants to be physically close w everyone also when will he stop playing w his bottom lip… official minhyuk emoticon: >:3c

Annie your new mobile theme is so pink and pretty!!!!

tysm!!! sorry this is a late reply so it’s not… entirely relevant anymore jhsgfg but… i think i’m always going to have a pastel colour + bunny theme on this blog it’s my Branding now…. ty ty! 💖

“Reminds me of raw chicken” lmaooooo same 😂😂

(in relation to this post fjdkshg) i lov my uncooked chicken boy

U kno that clip of Michael Scott on the office where he yells “I’m gonna kill myself and it’s your fault” that’s me…. every time monsta x do something….. every time they change their hair colour….. I want death….I’m such a dramatic hoe

me!!!! too!!!! rly a lot more excited for monsta x’s new hair colours than i am… abt Most Things lol… happy w everyone’s hair colours except wonho’s ://// pls go darker

i legit think your tags are the best thing ever 

lov u! my tags are v messy and mostly whatever goes thru my mind in that given moment before i hit the rb tbh but i’m glad u enjoy them! 💖💖

What’s your favorite wonho pic?

currently:

Omg have u seen that mnet ep that had mx on right after their debut and it had hyorin and soyou on too and minhyuk was litrally. Losing his mind like they talked about his ideal type comment I think and soyou called him cute and then later he got put on soyou’s team for some game and he straight up lost his mind he was so excited dlfmgnk can he. Relax for one sec

jkdfshggkjsjdkfh i don’t remember this???? i feel like i probably watched smth like it a long time ago like i rmbr a few very awkward mx/sistar interactions after they just debuted. but this. i have to find this and watch it gjkshkjdfg. minhyuk has… no chill he’s not capable of being a normal human being… but also why is this me i would.. die if soyou looked @ me so umm……………lov my relatable man… my love rival… real talk it’s v cute that he likes her n i think generally lmh has a good people sense/knows what he wants from others

(the anon w the younger brother here!) he .. actually said wonho looked like a wolf???? im so ?????? abt that like where did it come from … also jooheon looks like a friend, changkyun just looks “overwhelmingly fed up” apparently????, and according to him hyungwon just has the （ ͡° _ゝ ͡° ） face ,,v interesting …

(part 1 of this!) omgggg this is still v cute i don’t see the ?? wolfiness of wonho (i am… after all… tumgler user bunnywonho…), but i can see how jooheon is shaped like a friend + ck is… finished… done… a lil bit dead inside-looking but not Really like that, n hyungwon… sjhfg i can… kinda see that too… ty for sharing this btw it’s v wholesome

♥️ sending you good vibes –an admirer

omg PLEASE “an admirer” ur too much… thank u though im sending good vibes back sweetheart 💕💕💕💕 got plenty of Good Feelings lately ily thank u thank u 💕

MINHYUK MAKES YOU THINK HE’S GOOD AND PURE. THEN HE BECOMES THIS EVIL LITTLE THING. LIKE A PUPPY CONSTANTLY BITING YOUR FEET

i feel like minhyuk stans are divided btwn… wanting to Love him intensely n lowkey wanting 2 smack him ??

BYE WHAT TH DOES “Die under kihyun” MEAN

(in relation to the tags on this post jkgfhsjkhf) IDK i think i just meant he isn’t as…. bullied w kihyun as the other members often are?? they operate on the same level… it wasn’t anything dirty if u were thinking it was…👀👀👀 im a pure stan w a bunny themed blog… 

So do you have a link to this sexuality analysis 👀

SORRY for the late reply it’s just here! don’t rly agree w some of it but other parts were insightful!

jdjfienzhd you’re so pretty!!!! I love your hair! 😭

hfddsjfkjsfjk thank u i’m jus…. a bean…. navigating the cosmos at the same time as monsta x…. and u, cutie……….. tysm my ego grows bigger w every nice msg i get… hope smth good happens to u today ily! 💓💓

that video of the guy ripping his pants n his dick flopping out is wonhos nightmare during every performance when he has to wear tight clothes

BE QUIET JKSHGSF I NEVER READ THIS ASK

is wonho turning 25 or 26?? im confused

he was born in 1993 officially (altho there is some speculation abt whether or not he was rly born in 92) but if we’re going by that then technically he’s turned 24, korean age 25 (bc ur 1 when ur born)… but he’s 26 by the lunar calendar… v confusing i know

Wow can’t believe youre a wonhoe anti 😕😕😕😖😖😖😧😧😧🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒

shh sdhjgkf but real talk i love wonho + minhyuk in v different… unquantifiable ways :’00

[oury-boros]

can't stop thinking abt how super pissed off that one performance of mack the knife is at ppl who steal from marks & spencers. like seriously dude, that's your direct lead in to cops? chill out

(note: I don't think the list of people Mack is begging mercy from is meant to be in ascending order of evilness. but the way the music is intensifying as he's singing REALLY gives the impression that aside from cops, shoplifting girls are at the top of his shit list. like, ok, so it's tramps -> dealers -> pimps -> disposal men -> pocket pickers -> girls who give the world a glimpse of inviting tights and lurid snickers (rly had a paint an image on that one huh mack) -> needle boys -> drug dispensers -> kids who (??? tbh I'm writing this from memory cause i can't find the recording I'm talking about) -> GIRLS WHO STEAL FROM MARKS & SPENCERS. then the cops get their own section where mack kinda resets but with more tension at the beginning and goes back up until he is SCREAMING at the police and DAMN i can make fun of mack and his over the top hypocrisy all day every day but i canNOT fault the music in this show, this shit HITS, genuinely makes me like mack for like, three whole minutes. mack said acab but clearly didn't mean it considering his bff is a cop and he relies pretty heavily on the police protecting him up until they can't at which point he condemns them. did I mention he's a hypocrite?)

also this post has no discernible point anymore aside from the general topic of Macheath Begs for All Men's Forgiveness so can we PLEASE talk about

I won't cast judgement on your morals

That's not the way I want to be

I'm sick and tired of picking quarrels

I'll pardon you, you pardon me

Let heaven smash your fucking faces

Slash you and let the blood run free

And break you in a thousand places

I've pardoned you, you pardon me

Like??? Mack. My dude.

also actually let's abandon this song too because thIS WHOLE VERSION IS EXCELLENT

Ok so I'm talking abt the production from the 90s (I seriously CANNOT find the one I mean), which seems to place 3p in the modern era, but I've only ever heard the cast recording, so it's easy to forget that until suddenly mack is screaming in your ear abt crooked cops with:

Mercedes

Mobile phones

Trendy jackets

And I LOVE it

A few of the songs get things either more faithfully translated than the 60s version or add some stuff on?? Like idk if the original 3p featured abortion in tango ballad but shit does the 90s knock shop tango make that experience visceral, not to mention the pauses in the song where mack is doing the street vendor "hey come get our products" thing but, y'know, pimping out his then-(maybe?)-wife (btw I have no clue what her name is. Jenny? Is it jenny? There's a jenny but I don't know if tango is that jenny, but I have heard one version where he called her jenny)

ALSO ALSO ALSO I guess ballad of dependency (or sexual dependency or w/e but tbh the first time I saw it live, it was just "dependency" and mrs. peachum was drinking heavily throughout which rly added to the irony and the theme of rich & poor ppl having the same sins and the only difference is that the rich get away with it and honestly that themes a lot more clear in the beggar's opera bc that was john gays whole point whereas brecht was doing his usual anti-capitalism thing, and I honestly get super conflicted on this bc I prefer gay's storyline but he's clearly also just emerged from all the way up the royalty's butt and that's only bc he didn't get the position he wanted, and they're fundamentally different stories anyway bc gay's Captain Macheath is a poor thief literally WORKING FOR mr peachum and his crimes are stealing, gambling, having sex with multiple women, and having multiple wives (over time) whereas brecht's Mack the Knife is still a thief but the syndicate is his and he's become rich off it and thus his crimes are much worse: murder, rape, cannibalism (tho i don't remember if cpt mack is innocent of that and also tbh i remember a lot less abt gay's version in general bc hot take but the songs in 3p are better), etc, so ultimately which story you prefer is probably gonna be based on whether you want Macheath to be an immoral but lovable jerk who's just a pawn, or an immoral murderer & rapist who has connections in high places WHICH BTW IS ACTUALLY THE ROLE PEACHUM FILLS (PARTIALLY, AND JUST THAT LAST PART) IN BEGGARS, LIKE, LITERALLY "TIGER BROWN" IS FROM THE CHARACTER "LOCKIT" WHO IS PEACHUM'S CONTACT INSTEAD OF MACK'S AND AGHHH TOO MANY TOPICS) takes place later in this version than the one I saw? Bc there's a verse abt the moment one of the prostitutes turned mack in and it's like

The fog recedes

He starts to understand

There's thirty bits of silver in her hand

He's almost glad that she's been paid

LIKE??? I know I said earlier that Macheath Begs for All Men's Forgiveness was the only time I like mack in the show, and that's true, but this moment??? made me feel a little BAD for him

o shit that also reminds me of the bit in the 60s version (can you tell im mainly talking abt translations but don't know the names of the translators WHOOPS) of solomon song

Forgotten all that he had won

He trusted us and was undone

His melting heart put him on the spot

I was thinking about reforming

Guess not

and the "melting heart" thing is probably actually his lust or w/e but "HE TRUSTED US AND WAS UNDONE" FUCK DUDE!! THATS THE KIND OF LYRIC THAT MAKES A RICH DICK BRIEFLY LOOK LIKE A HUMAN PERSON

anyway the moral of this post is that im still reeling from the revelation that brecht didn't want to write an adaptation of the beggars opera, but his other ideas were shot down and his wife was working on translating it so it was on his mind.

[tthevoidinmysoul]

thoughts on 2015 - 31/12/2015

hey there. This is going to be a summary of 2015 or smth. Here it goes.

First of all, i’m crying lol. Last year I did something similar to this and I just read it and wow. Idr what stuff you had to put up 2014-deku but yo, it got slightly better.

This year I started studying Animation. I changed from Graphic Design because I realized it wasn’t what I wanted to do. It was p intense because it was a new start. Again. Luckily my first semester went smoothly. I learnt lots of stuff and got to do so many new things that have changed my goals in a v nice way. The first semester I also got a uh recognition ??? a like a diploma thing congratulating me for my grades from the previous semester and i was like woaah!! :O. In the ceremony I was recognized as Animation, not Graphic Design, even tho it had been bc of GD lol. There I met (more like jus briefly saw) a guy who also had gotten the diploma for animation, and we jus shared greetings and that was it.

That semester was okay. HA IT WASNT I JUS REMEMBERED. I got into trouble with some of my classmates. It’s a very small generation, like 24 people, and I was the new one, so ofc I’d get paired into teams with the people that nobody wanted to work with. I was so mad because of the mediocrity of the students, and i’m talking about 20-yo, full fledged adults, who couldn’t even do the simplest of things. So I got fed up and I remember I talked rly roughly at this guy in a class bc gdi he was awful. Luckily the rest of the class (who was present) supported me, telling me that the things I told him were things that they’ve meant to tell him and never had, so it was okay. Unfortunately it happened again and that time it wasnt as pretty as the last. I got paired w this girl who always cried when I talked to her (she always made herself a victim of her life and weird, negative stuff), and dear lorde pleas save me. When I finally went and talked to her bc she was doing literally NOTHING, the girl had the nerve to yell at me, in the middle of the classroom (which was fulled with my classmates and students from other generations), and leave. I was so confused and sad and mad at myself because I had done it again, fuck things up with teamwork. Long short story we’re okay now but I’m never doing something with her ever again in my life. My grades went down a lil but it wasnt that much, so I expected to be recognized again next semester.

oh boy.

SUMMER!!!!!111111 Woah. waaaaaaaah WHAT A SUMMER I HAD! This was SO FUN OH wait b4 summer I went into surgery again lmao. BUT I RECOVERED JUS FINE and im good yo. My bro went to Seattle to work with Microsoft bc he’s baddass and awesome and I was (and am) v happy for him but it also got me thinking a lot of things like what the fuck am I doing with my life. And here comes the reason I was cryin when I first started writing this. This summer I met wonderful, wonderful people. I made friends. FRIENDS. Friends that i hadn’t made in more than a year. It makes me fuzzy to think that I have such wonderful people by my side that i can laugh with, cry with, share things with, be deep with and be stupid with. I’m so happy I met you guys, I’ve grown so so so much since I’ve known you and as I told you yesterday, meeting you definitely has been one of the best things that have happened in my life.

I remember last year I cut my hair, really short. And I thought “if I turn out to be a lesbian, i’m blaming it on the haircut”. And guess what lmao. OKay maybe i’m not a lesbian but im deffo not straight either. I guess I knew I liked girls since highschool but didn’t bother to come up with a label untill now. I’m still finding out things about me and I have someone who keeps me company when I need em. WINKS ON U THANK FRIEND FOR LETTING ME RANT ABT MY THOUGHTS LMAO.

Then the second semester happened. I wasnt recognized as a top student this time. I was confused like lol, i’m gr9 wat hap. Turns out only the 1% of the student body of each degree gets the thing and oh surprise there are only 110 ppl in Animation. So boohoo the other mysterious boy got the diploma. And man was it a big blow. I was angry, angry as I could get. Obv not at the guy, at me. Because I had failed to myself, to my parents. Angry because I felt like an idiot, I couldn’t keep doing the thing that I excelled, being good at school. And I felt so angry because I was that. I was a top student, that was my main strength, and it was taken from me in a second.

One day my animation teacher separated me from the class and told me that I was the best animator from my generation. I am shit at animating, I know that. He knows that, and yet I am the best. That made me feel extremely uncomfortable, because that meant that I was the best, of the worst. It made me feel anxious, because that meant he had high expectations of me, being the best. Anxious because the best animator in the career was this guy who was recognized both last and this semester, and booooy. BOoooooooooooooy he’s a prodigy. A PRODIGY. He’s excellent and I am pure shit. From that day everything went downhill. BUT BEFORE THAT

Something good happened. I also made friends with prodigy boy. My first irl friend in more than 2 years. He turns out to be awesome and cool and so damn sincere and humble I can’t with his existence. We started talking thanks to a song, Somewhere beyond the sea. God bless that song, thanks to it I have now met an awesome human being yay. Turns out prodigy boy and I are very similar in many things, being angry at today’s society being the main one lmao. I have never met someone like him ever in my life. I respect him a lot and I want to remain as his friend for as long as I can. Sadly i’m very nervous around him because I’m very shy, I hope I dont mess this up like I did 4 years ago cries.

Back to shit. I was okay the first 2 terms but I just went pure shit on finals. For our animation course we had to enter a competition and I was very confident on my entry. Prodigy boy had landed in place #101, being the highest ever for an Animation student of my uni. I had high expectations of myself and everything was going to be alright, until it wasn’t. We presented our work a week before the deadline to our class, and I had a panic attack. I made a mess of myself and embarrassed me in front of everybody, I felt terrible and I cried a lot (thankfully in the bathroom). My entry was shit and I knew it and the teacher knew it and everybody did and the prodigy boy was there and he saw it and I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life I swear. It’s one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had. After that even tho I tried correcting my entry it was still shit and I crashed in place #142, being 5th of my class. And I was angry. So angry because I had failed. To myself, to the teacher, to the prodigy boy. To myself. I cried so much, like I had never before. My overall grades went down, again not so much but still. Turns out prodigy boy has a younger brother who’s as good as he is and it’s making me anxious. But whatever.

SO YEAH 2015 GOOD JOB. This year was bittersweet as fuck. I have learned so much, lost so much, gained so much, cried so much, laughed so much, EVERYTHING SO MUCH!?!?!. I’m just wah overwhelmed with everything that happened.

2016 DEKU: QUESTION TIME

How much did you fuck up? lmao

how did the short films went?

are you still friends with prodigy boy? 

have you found yourself bc I failed miserably lmao

so yea das it tbh 2016 WATCH OUT OMG THE ZELDA GAME IS COMINGRIGHT U BETTTER HAVE BOUGHT IT ALREADY OR IMA PUNCH U HARD

- A