#i think i have over 200 notes on a post and it has gone straight to my head

[daffythefox]

me when i keep getting notes bc i keep posting bangers and other people keep giving me the fame i deserve

[lazyevaluationranch]

On a post about the Blue Haired Girlfriend's quixotic citrus breeding experiments, @voidingintotheshout​ asked:

I mean, if you wanted a hearty citrus relative, why didn’t you just grow Osage Orange? They can grow as far north as Michigan which is surely further north than anyone could reasonably expect to grow a citrus tree. They’re not edible but then hearty orange isn’t either. Osage Orange are so cool and such a interesting historical plant from the Shelterbelt era of American agriculture. Apparently they do smell like citrus.

This is part three of three. Part one. Part two.

Now you've done it! It's time for A Very Brief (But Also Insufficiently Brief) History of Twentieth Century Hardy Citrus Cultivation! Growing citrus trees this far north is kind of nuts, it's true, but I promise you it is not even close to the weirdest things people have done to grow citrus in places where the citrus doesn't think it should grow.

A note: This post will written using the Swingle citrus taxonomy system, including things that are definitely wrong. The citrus taxonomic tree looks like that one box of orphaned computer cords I keep moving with me to new houses "in case I need them" except some sort of adorable five-dimensional kitten has entertained herself with them and some of the resulting knots are not technically possible in our space-time continuum. 

The powers that be gave us citrus because nothing pleases them like seeing a geneticist cry.

1. The Migrant Trees

The Soviet Union wanted lemons for tea, and they wanted to be independent enough not to have to trade with anyone else to get them, which meant they wanted to grow their own citrus. That part of the world is not a great place to grow plants that die when the temperature goes below zero, but at the foundation of the Soviet Union, there were citrus orchards in the warmest part of Georgia, along the Black Sea. Specifically, there was about, uh, one and a half square kilometers of somewhat implausible citrus orchard.

Hang on, it is about to get way less plausible.

This is the great citrus migration: any tree that did well in one spot, they'd try planting its seeds a few kilometres further north, or a few kilometres further east. Prizes were offered for breeding hardier citrus. Slowly the orchards spread, but they were extremely weird orchards.

It's usually a few degrees warmer at ground level than up in the air, and there's way less wind. So as the trees grew, they were bent over and tied along the ground. Some of them had the central trunk run in a straight line along the ground, with branches spreading out from it like the leaves of a fern, like an espaliered tree on its side. Others were starfish shaped, with the central trunk looped down until it ended up next to the base, and the branches sprawling out along the ground from the centre like starfish legs. The citrus trees were no taller than particularly vigorous strawberry plants, but they survived the winters, and you could throw a blanket over them to help them stay warm.

None of that helped if the ground froze solid, so they needed Underground Citrus. You'd dig a ditch, down below the lowest area where the ground froze, and you'd plant flat Starfish Trees or Flat Frond Trees running along the bottom of it, too deep to freeze. In winter, you'd just cover the ditch with boards any time the temperature was expected to go below freezing - citrus would tolerate the lack of light, but not the cold. Mandarins (Citrus reticulata) seemed to do best, so that’s most of what was grown.

It is a nearly unimaginable amount of work to grow citrus this way, along the bottoms of pits and trenches. We are experimentally trying to grow a Soviet-developed mandarin breed of unknown parentage, Shirokolistvennyi, but we will definitely not be putting in that level of effort.

2. The Mixed Up Trees

There are a couple species of citrus that tolerate cold well, but taste awful. A lot of effort has gone into crossbreeding them with more edible citrus. The results are ... mixed.

The Ichang Papeda (Citrus cavaleriei) generally survives temperatures down to -18 degrees C. It is stoic and calm and has mastered emptiness. Unfortunately, it has mastered emptiness too well. The fruit smells like lemons, with maybe a hint of rose, but there's nothing to eat here. It has a rind and seeds. No juice, no flesh.

(Photo by Michael Saalfield)

The Ichang Papeda is the parent or grandparent to several delicious, extremely sour Asian citrus types. Yuzu/yuja smells like grapefruit and clean wet stones from the bottom of a fast-flowing stream. Sudachi smells like grapefruit and leaves with dew on them. (I haven't met kabosu or any other papeda hybrids personally, but they are numerous.)  They're all too sour to eat plain, unless you really need to turn your face inside out for some reason, but make for excellent flavouring. 

(We have a yuzu tree and a sudachi tree and they're surviving, but no fruit yet.)

Trifoliate orange (Poncirus trifoliata) can survive temperatures down to -30 degrees C. This may be partly because, uniquely amoung citrus, they can drop leaves in autumn or winter and regrow them in spring, like a maple tree. They also produce an internal antifreeze. They are angry, twisted, thorny little plants that yell swears when you walk past them. They make a great hedge. The fruit is furry, smells like flowers and pine trees and taste like burnt, bitter plastic. It may or may not be possible to breed the horrible taste completely out of trifoliate oranges without losing cold-hardiness, if it's due to their antifreeze chemicals. Here’s Stabby:

(Photo by Rob Hille)

Even the least terrible trifoliate crossbreeds are bitter enough to qualify as “acquired tastes.” There are recipes for trifoliate marmalade: put a dozen trifoliate oranges, a kilogram of sugar, and a kilogram of pebbles in a pot, cook until it gels, then sieve out the oranges and eat the pebbles. 

We are growing a trifoliate orange / minneola orange hybrid. And, of course, someday our own trifoliate hybrids. The Blue Haired Girlfriend planted 200 trifoliate oranges a couple years ago. There are fewer now, but the survivors have lived through two winters of snow and frost, and they might have somehow gotten more stabby. We're going to breed them, to each other or to less angry fruit, try and make something new and good from them.

I've limited this post to twentieth century hardy citrus breeding, but I have to give a shoutout to somatic hybridization, a decidedly twenty first century technique, where you take a cell from each of two different plants, remove their cell walls, put them next to eachother, and shock them with electricity until they merge into a single cell whose nucleus contains all genes from both plants. Then the new plant is like, "Wow, I guess these are all my genes? It seems like a lot, haha, but it's not like somebody made me from dismembered body parts and electricity, that is not how science works. Anyway I guess it's time to do some plant stuff now."

3. The Mutant Trees

In the 1950s, people started using radiation to randomly scramble the genes of plants. You'd irradiate seeds enough to change the genes somehow, and then you'd have to plant them to see what had happened. Maybe it was people horrified by the atomic bomb desperately wanting to find some life-supporting use for atomic fission, maybe it was government-supported cold war "atom bombs are good actually, look how many we have, USSR" propaganda. Probably both. 

This time period also saw serious plans for Orion, a spaceship with a huge metal plate for a butt, intended to be propelled by exploding atomic bombs under it, which I am not actually making up.

Thousands of people in Europe and the US signed up to receive seeds with random mutations in the mail, plant them, and report back on what they heck they grew into and if it had any useful weirdness. (The gamma radiation used to mutate the seeds did not make them radioactive themselves - the seeds were completely safe.) There were also more formal and carefully controlled university research programs in China, Japan, and the US, where plants where grown in a circular research garden with a coverable radiation source at the centre, so that the farther you got from the centre, the less radiation the plants got. Radiation breeding is less popular than it used to be, but Japan still has a very productive citrus radiation breeding program.

The most popular radiation-bred citrus is the "Rio Red" grapefruit and its offspring, which has a much deeper red than non-mutant red grapefruit.

There aren't many radiation-developed citrus breeds noted for cold-hardiness - with radiation you get whatever you get  - but there are a few, and I want one just because I think they're neat, a monument to that lovely human vision that looks at terrible weapons and somehow sees glossy-leaved trees with bright fruit.

4. The Monster Trees

Citrus are usually grown via grafting. That is, you plant a seed from a fast-growing sturdy breed, you let it grow roots and all that, and then you cut the top off and replace it with a branch from a more delicious breed. The two citruses grow together, and you end up with a tree that's disease and cold resistant in the roots, below the graft, but makes tasty fruit above the graft.

Occasionally, this process goes Wrong. 

The first recorded instance is the tree called Bizarria, discovered in 1640. Someone attempted to graft a sour orange branch onto a citron. But instead of a clean line between sour orange branches and citron roots, the graft was damaged somehow, and the two different species of cells got tangled and mixed through the whole tree. It has branches that produce citron fruit. It has branches that produce sour orange fruit. And it has branches that produce, uh ... these:

(Photo by Labrina)

Most graft chimeras are made accidentally, when the graft site is damaged. Trifoliate orange is often used as rootstock, so there are many reported chimeras involving trifoliate orange and a nicer fruit. The mixed-up cells can be arranged a lot of ways, but it's possible to have the outside layer of the tree be trifoliate orange, and the core of the tree be the other citrus (periclinal chimera). This means you could theoretically get a tree with frostproof trifoliate leaves and branches, but fruit that doesn’t taste like burnt plastic rolled in quinine.

This lucky monstrosity has, in fact, reportedly happened. Twice. There is the Prague Citsuma, discovered in a greenhouse in Prague and suspected to have been created by a Soviet breeding program. And then there is the Hormish, discovered in China and thought to have been made by frostbite messing up the clean lines of the graft. The Blue Haired Girlfriend has managed to track down budwood from the Prague Citsuma - I’m so excited! - so we'll see how the fierce thorny monster tree with a heart of gold, or at least heartwood of gold, does for us.

5. Conclusion

Humans have been trying to grow citrus trees where they don't belong for nearly two thousand years, at least since the Jewish Diaspora and people trying to grow holy etrog trees - trunks gnarled as barnacle stones and the whole tree scented like the best dream you can't remember - in Europe. Maybe longer.

The Blue Haired Girlfriend's citrus-breeding schemes aren't going to singlehandedly transform Canada into a net citrus exporter. But history shows us: it might be possible to have a little gleaming sweetness from the stony ground here, with the ravens and the fir trees and the auroras. A sweetness we made ourselves, that exists nowhere else. 

Or maybe we'll just have a bunch of weird inedible fruit. I don't know, but it's worth finding out, worth weaving together leaf and thorn and stone and the light of our hands as the years unwind. Worth it to have a quixotic project we can expect to spend decades on together, hands and hearts. This is how home is made, sometimes, with a balcony full of angry thorny little trees that shout swears at passerby.

[eponinemylove]

Headcanons about the Andrew( and the foxes) figuring out some of the fucked up things Neil’s mom did. Like I’ve always had a head canon that she is the reason he says he’s fine all the time

for sure! I have a lot of feelings about Mary Hartford. I want to say that if the conversation does ever manage to come up, Neil would immediately jump to his mother’s defense. We see everything she did through his memories of her, and while we can recognize it as abuse, Neil still thinks of her fondly. She was the only family he really had, and in his eyes, everything she did was out of necessity, if not love (CW: abuse)

(side note, I’ve briefly talked about aaron’s reaction before as part of a different post, and I stand by that. I’ve also brushed upon the subject of Mary and Neil being “fine” when I did a sort of sickfic hc!)

let me just start by saying how awful this news would be for the foxes. Like, it’s awful in general because what she did was fucked up, but their poor hearts… They managed the Nest. They managed Baltimore. They managed Drake (although that was Andrew’s past not Neil’s, they were still there for the murder and everything that followed). They have been through heartbreak after heartbreak for this kid who not only went through these things but thought, on some level, that he deserved them. So they really can’t take finding out that his mother—who Neil openly condones—is also one of his ghosts. They can’t take finding out that she’s partly the reason why he doesn’t swing, why he can’t trust, why he runs and hides and lies, why he doesn’t think he can have this. And if that wasn’t hard enough, to find out that Neil thinks this is okay, that this is fine—it’s too much to handle.

Andrew’s first reaction, predictably, is murder. This doesn’t quite work out for him, as Mary’s already dead, but the urge he feels to drain the life from her himself is frankly concerning. The second the words are leaving Neil’s mouth, the second all his suspicions are confirmed (because let’s be real, Andrew knew someone had hurt Neil, and his father had been too many steps behind him to cause that much damage), he sees red. Full on, knives out, burning rage. He’s shaking with it. You can tell he’s feeling an emotion, because he’s not grumbling about anything. He’s gone into quiet rage, the dangerous kind, in which he silently plots all the ways he can gruesomely arrange your departure from existence.

for a split second, the upperclassmen think that his anger is directed at Neil, and they subtly move in to block him from Andrew’s war path. This works out well for no one, because Andrew needs Neil in his line of sight right now to know he’s safe and here, and anyone who even thinks of touching this boy after what he’s just confessed to happening to him is getting stabbed. Repeatedly. It’s not their fault for assuming, though. They saw what happened with him and Aaron after this sort of thing, and they just want to shield Neil from that fallout. He’s been through enough

The only thing that manages to calm him down even somewhat is Neil himself. He holds Andrew’s gaze, doesn’t hide under it. He looks him straight in the eye. He is fine, now. He isn’t hurt. He’s with Andrew, and Andrew is going to keep him safe, and Mary is dead, and there’s nothing for them to fight anymore.

except there is, there is, because Neil is stupid. Neil is an idiot who doesn’t know the meaning of the word fine, who has never been fine a day in his life. this was never okay. he’s worse than Aaron, because at least Aaron came to his senses eventually. but Neil, even after everything, is still standing there, defending her. it makes his blood boil. 140%. 170. 200.

Later, Andrew has to physically restrain himself from pulling him into a bruising kiss. He makes a tangible effort to be as gentle with Neil as he can, because he refuses to show him that love should be rough. It shouldn’t. He holds Neil’s hand and kisses his knuckles, runs his hands softly through his hair. He shows him all the way touches should feel when coming from someone you trust. Neil thinks it isn’t necessary but he accepts it with a stuttering heart anyway. His hands shake.

Aaron is seething, but for an entirely different reason. He’s furious, because how does Neil not realize that they’re the exact same? Neil gave him so much shit when he was upset over his mother, but now he has the audacity to stand here and spout this crap? The only thing holding him back from beating the shit out of Josten himself is Andrew’s presence, radiating wrath from beside him. If he took a step in the wrong direction, his brother might genuinely kill him this time. It doesn’t matter. Neil went on and on and on about how Andrew was protecting him, how his mother was not someone who loved him but someone who hurt him, and how he should be glad she’s gone. And… and then this? No. No. Neil doesn’t get to love his mother after that. Mary hit him. She beat him to a pulp herself, nevermind what she said she was protecting him from. He wasn’t allowed to have friends, to talk to people, to go outside. He wasn’t allowed to speak. He’d had to keep his head down. Yeah, it sounds familiar. It sounds like Aaron’s quiet footsteps around the house, hoping to god he wouldn’t wake up Tilda. It sounds like him trying not to make himself seen when she came home after a night of using, like ducking his head and not meeting the eyes of her or anyone she brought home. It sounds like her fists on him when she was in one of her moods. It sounds really fucking familiar, and if Neil thinks he’s going to drop this, he is dead wrong.

Neil did not leave well enough alone when it was Aaron. He would not stop rubbing salt on the wound. And it hurt, a lot, but now Aaron is going to do the same. Not just for petty vengeance. Not just because Neil is a dick and this is payback. But because it helped. Aaron and Andrew are not on the same page about the way they feel, but they are about what to do next. Priority one is make sure Neil moves on, make sure he recognizes why Mary was wrong, and why it will never happen again, as long as any of the foxes have a say in it. 

Matt and Nicky have the exact same reaction, which to immediately have their heart shattered. They’re in tears. Matt cares about Neil so, so much, and I know the fandom recognizes this, but I don’t know if people realize how deeply Nicky cares, too. It’s more than just cracking jokes; Neil is one of Nicky’s best friends. They’re going to make damn sure that Neil knows they will love him unconditionally, and that their love does not come heavy-handed. They will support him through this, even if they hate Mary for everything she had conditioned into him. Already they’re planning what they can do to get his mind off of this and get him smiling again as soon as possible. Nicky will probably push Neil harder than Matt, and it will probably be the wrong thing to do, but he’s trying so hard. He’s done this before, with Andrew and Aaron, and as heartbreaking as it was, he continues to do it because he loves them. And he loves Neil, too. Both Matt and Nicky already have adoption papers at the ready, and at this point they’re going to forge the signatures, consequences be damned, if it means Neil gets a happy life. 

Kevin doesn’t have much to say about it when he finds out. I imagine he handles it with all of his usual finesse and sensitivity, which is none. He probably, not too gently, points out that Mary had a job to keep him safe from harm, all harm, and failed spectacularly at it. It’s not exactly helpful, but he does have a point. And when he get Neil alone, he offers to talk to him about it. He may not have been through the same thing, but he’s been through something similar enough. He had no family at the Nest, but at the same time they were the only ones he had, and they weren’t exactly gentle with him at the best of times. Riko and the Master weren’t Mary, but... they weren’t all that different, either. Like everything else, Kevin is there if he needs him. 

Dan and Allison stare him down. They sympathize, they do, because this is awful, but they are not going to give him an inch. They don’t have time to coddle his feelings about his mother, and god help him if they hear an “I’m fine” fall from his lips. They’ll hold him, if he lets them, and they’ll be as soft and gentle as he needs, but they won’t give in to this. They aren’t going to pretend that he’s right–he’s not. HIs mother wasn’t what he remembers. She’s a complicated character. They’re not calling her evil; maybe she did what she had to, and maybe it was for the best. But it wasn’t right. They are steadfast in that. It wasn’t right. Neil can accept that when he’s ready, and when he does they will be there for him, taking care of him in their unassuming way so that he doesn’t feel like they’re walking on eggshells. He’s so grateful to have them. Grateful that they don’t push, but don’t give in either. Some of the strongest people he’s known…

Renee is the one who actually talks him through it. All the others are ready with their pitchforks, about to burn Mary at the stake, but she understands. She walks with him through everything, the good and the bad, and lets him come to his own conclusion. She listens to him when he feels like talking about what is was like, and talks about her own mother when he doesn’t. She shows him, subtly, what a parental figure is supposed to look like through her own stories. Lets him realize that sometimes the people who care don’t get it right, but that there are still others who love you, and that love doesn’t have to come with pain. 

Bonus:

(Ik you didn’t ask, and this is probably too long already, but) Wymack and Abby find out about this indirectly, likely through either Andrew or Matt. Wymack had known from the beginning this would have been the case, but he’d had no idea it had come from his mother. It hurts him, that no one had ever been careful with Neil the way he needed. He doesn’t realize that he had been, though. Wymack hadn’t raised his voice, hadn’t made himself big in front of Neil. He had been careful to keep his anger far, far away and had always been there when Neil needed him. Wymack is his true father. Or mother. Or whatever. 

Abby does what she does with Aaron: she gives him space. She knows that he’s probably never seen a woman in a comforting light before, and she waits to make sure that he’s okay with her presence before she gets anywhere near close to him. She lets him come to her, and, like Wymack, makes sure Neil knows that if she ever gets frustrated, that she would never take it out on him. They start the very slow process of showing Neil what it is like to be loved and cared for by someone who wants only to see you happy. Neil loves his family so, so much. He would choose them a thousand times over. 

[mi6-cafe]

HERE ARE THE DRABBLES FOR WEEK 2!

Ready to READ&VOTE?!

Well, let’s refresh your memory first.

This week our competitors were asked to write exactly 200 angsty words inspired by the phrase: ” to strive, to seek, to find, but not to yield ”

HOW DO YOU VOTE?

Read all the drabbles. (they’re below the line)

Choose three that you like the most.

Fill out this VOTING FORM, telling us your favourites. (You can even leave anonymous feedback for the author).

NOTE: If you are a competitor, you CANNOT vote for your own fic. But please, do vote. :)

The voting period ends at 11:59 PM EST on Sunday night. Results will be posted and anonymous feedback will be emailed on Monday.

#1

Title: Sisyphean Author: Anyawen Warnings: MCD (Major Character Death) Summary: Cause. And effect.

He had refused to give up when the signal was lost. If there were the slightest chance, the smallest trace, he would find and make use of it. He wrestled with technology, fought bureaucracy, and ignored his own limits. Like Orpheus, he followed a trail gone dark and cold to find the hell where his beloved was held. A team already en route for rescue, he activated a camera. Like Orpheus, his love was lost as he laid eyes on him. An indicator light on the camera blinked to life, betraying their surveillance, and they gained visuals only to watch his agent's execution. Unlike Orpheus when he lost his Eurydice, he did not fall prey to despair. He would not betray his lover's memory or dishonor his sacrifice by pining away. He channeled his grief into ingenuity, political savvy, fierce protectiveness, and an icy, vengeful fury. He focused on the interests of the country for which his lover had given his life, and the other agents who continued to risk everything in that same service. He would do everything in his power to keep them safe and bring them home. Gods have mercy on any who tried to stop him.

#2

Title: Savvy Author: stormofsharpthings Warnings: no Archive warnings apply Summary: Bond is missing...

He couldn’t find James.

He’d often had to remind the newer techs that the double-oh agents might play dumb to get out of filing reports but the nature of their job these days required them to be almost as computer-savvy as Q Branch themselves. And Bond was more skilled than most, though he kept it quiet. So an unaccustomed panic threatened to overwhelm him the longer James was missing.

There was no trace despite hours of desperate searching through surveillance footage. He’d even hacked into dashboard-camera databases online. Bond had walked into that bloody meeting and all electronics had gone dark.

“If he were dead, there’d be a body!” he’d shouted at M. Other agents were out looking, but there was no evidence at the location. If Bond had been abducted, there was no rescue possible yet. Q refused to think of torture.

James would leave a sign...somehow...somewhere...if he could.

In frantic desperation, Q started checking logs of internet-connected devices. A smart bulb in an industrial warehouse was reporting an intermittent error, probably from faulty wiring, but Q mapped the errors and times from the online log and found a rough pattern: long long short long. Morse code for Q.

#3

Title: Blind Author: SouffleGirl91 Warnings: None. Summary: He couldn’t see.

He couldn’t see.

He needed to find them, but he couldn’t see.

Fear. A fist, seizing his heart. Squeezing his chest until all he could feel was sheer panic. Struggling to breathe.

A hundred scenarios ran through his mind, a warning of what might happen if he failed. Cyber attacks going unprevented. Terrorist attacks unthwarted. Agents dead. All because of him.

Because the Quartermaster wasn’t at his post.

He needed to find them. The Quartermaster needed to return to his post.

But he couldn’t see.

Where were they? All the intel said they would be here. They must be here. They had to be.

What if they weren’t?

How would he explain?

What would he say when M asked him why the Quartermaster was missing?

There was no other option, he had to find them. He couldn’t give up.

But he couldn’t see.

Blindly, he reached out, feeling around. His fingers brushed over the debris of a life interrupted. He recoiled as his hand came into contact with a pool of liquid. Still warm.

Oh, God!

More urgently now, he sought, knocking things aside. There wasn't enough time!

There!

Q put on his glasses, finally ready to face the day.

#4

Title: Tennyson Author: sorion Warnings: - Summary: Bond loves more easily than he would like to.

‘Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.

"What utter nonsense," Bond said, drink in hand. It wasn't his first. Nor his second.

If he could travel back in time, he'd choose not to love. Every time.

Love brought him nothing but betrayal and pain. How could loving and losing be better than never loving in the first place? He wouldn't be blind to the inevitable betrayal (and death) without love.

Today's reason for the drinks was that time travel didn't exist, and Bond had once more been confronted with the frustrating fact that he couldn't not love, time and again. Much as he would have liked to.

"Just how drunk are you?" someone asked, sidling up to his solitary spot at the bar.

'Not drunk enough to purge you from my system,' Bond thought. Despite his best efforts and iron will, he made the mistake of lifting his head, meeting questioning but undemanding eyes.

Reflected in those eyes, he found the truth that love was as much his constant companion as death. Neither weakness nor enemy, but the backbone of his very nature.

"Perhaps... 'Tis not too late to seek a newer world."

#5

Title: Hunger Author: sunaddicted Warnings: canon typical violence, toxic relationships Summary: the truth hurts more than a bullet wound He pursed his lips, eyes contemplating the ruin spread out at his feet: his life, his career, his dreams - everything lay shattered on the ground, all of his hard work and his striving aspirations turned to dust. "Hungry - you were always hungry for more than you can chew, clever boy" Q pursed his lips, refusing to look at the other - stubbornly staring out at the moors, fog slowly raising from the earth like poisonous vapours "It's your fault, Raoul" "Shut up" "It wasn't the plan!" "¡Callate!" Suddenly there was the cold circle of a gun's barrel pressed in the middle of his forehead - so icy that it almost burned against his skin. Q swallowed, tightening his hands in fists that would do nothing to protect him from a bullet straight to the brain "She doesn't give a shit about you, she never has" Raoul sneered "And you do?" "Yes, I do" Raoul laughed, derisive and cruel: it hurt more than a bullet ever would but Q wasn't giving up on him - he wasn't sure he could; yielding under pressure and escaping just wasn't an option, they were together for life, inextricably bound together. No matter how deadly Raoul's love was.

#6

Title: Lost and Found Author: Ksania / starrboned Warnings: implied canon-typical violence Summary: James made a promise he couldn't keep.

James finds him kneeling in the ruins, a dark silhouette against the fiery sky.

His sword makes a quiet "slink!" as he unsheathes it, flaring in the dying light. The blade's pale as it kisses Q's neck.

"Hello, James," Q says. "I hoped it would be you who'd find me."

Waves clash beneath them, salt heavy in the air.

"Nothing to say?" Q asks. "You always were a man of few words."

"They're coming," James breathes, watching as Q rises to his feet, turning.

His eyes are bloodshot, face pale. Black cloak hanging from skinny shoulders. A shadow of the man who held James's heart.

"James." Q cracks a smile. "You promised."

Once upon a time, when they were a Queen's mage and her knight.

James grips his sword, knuckles white.

He lets the blade drop. "I'm not killing you."

"You must." Q takes a step closer. "You know what she'll do -"

Footsteps approach. James pulls Q into his arms.

"Then we both die!" Q hisses, clutching at his cloak. "And everything was for naught!"

"So be it," James smiles, kissing him. "We both knew it was going to end this way."

Q sighs. "They're here."

James raises his sword.

#7

Title: Adamant Author: IrishWitch58 (captain-magicalkitty) Warning: Effects of violence Summary: Q ponders the similarities between himself and 007

The monitors beeped steadily, monotonously. Q hated the sound that screamed the fallibility of his systems, that made him face the ways in which he couldn't keep his agents safe. He shifted in the chair, the same he had occupied for the past 10 hours. He was connected to his branch, overseeing ongoing activities but that mattered less than the silent battered figure in the hospital bed. James had once again both succeeded and failed in that spectacular fashion that made him the best MI6 had. The mission goal had been accomplished but the medical evac had been a skin of the teeth exercise. More damage done, more scars. Bond's resume was written clearly on his body, scars upon scars marring the skin Q valued more than his own. Q acknowledged that his technological efforts could only do so much. It was the indomitable spirit of the man that was at issue. His nature was to push beyond the known and see for himself and to never give in to circumstance. In his own way, Q was the same, which was why he would sit and wait and plan how to avoid the next disaster, as unyielding as any agent.

#8

Title: The End Author: Venstar Warnings: angst(?) Summary: farewells.

It was all coming to a close with this next mission. It was a death trap. Once he went in, there was no coming out.

“Duty calls, I must go.”

“That's bollocks.”

007 smiled down at Q and brushed a finger across his chin and down his jaw. “This will be your first resurrection to witness, won’t it? Every story has an ending.”

“There’s only one 007 in my books.”

007 laughed at the jokes Q valiantly made with effort.

Q’s eyes narrowed and his lips compressed into a straight line. “I’ll find a way to get you back.”

“Seek and you will not find me,” Bond whispered, “It will be a new 007 when you finally yield to the inevitable.”

“Never!”

“So they replace me and they will replace you.”

Q shook his head. “We could leave. Would that be so terrible?”

007 looked at Q with pity in his eyes. “That would be treasonous.”

“It’s not like you’ve never skipped town before!” Q blurted out, his cheeks red.

“I am no traitor.”

“No, you’re a loyal dog. Now I understand why M kept that hideous thing on her table.” Q spat his words at 007’s feet.

“Goodbye, Q.”

#9

Title: Never Yielding Author: iambid (flantastic) Warnings: None Summary:  James is bullish, Q just wants him to stop.

Q waited for him outside M’s office.

“What the hell, Bond?”

James didn’t miss a step as he carried on down the corridor forcing Q to trot to keep up with him.

“James!  Talk to me!” He pleaded.

James stopped abruptly and whirled around.

“About what?  What exactly would you like to talk about?”  

“This!”  Q responded hotly, gesturing.  “Why are you going back out into the field?”

“Because they need me.” James snapped.

“But I thought…”

“What exactly?  That a gunshot wound would put me out of action permanently?  That I would want to spend the rest of my days hanging around your house like some kind of rescue dog?  I have a job to do, Quartermaster.”

He went to turn but Q grabbed his wrist.

“What about us?”  Q asked quietly.

“There is no us.” James said and then, when he saw the hurt in Q’s eyes, he added; “It was a dream.  Thank you for taking me in and taking care of me, but it can’t continue.” He looked down at Q’s hand, still resting on his wrist, and regretfully shook it off.  “People like me don’t deserve people like you,” he said sadly before walking away.

#10

Title: ghost Author: azure7539 Warnings: none Summary: Question and answer.

-

What went wrong?

By the time he arrives, there’s nothing of value left. He takes in the sight of the cramped room—one bare mattress in the corner, energy bar wrappings pushed into a pile, empty water bottles strewn around the floor—and stops at the coffee table. The near humid scent of cigarettes lingers in the air, unseen but winds like spidery gossamer, spooling from the crushed fags in that full ashtray next to an abandoned laptop.

His eye twitches.

Barely gone but not within chasing distance, his mind grudgingly concludes, and he sits down on the cracked tiles with a grunt. Despite the Caribbean sun flaring outside an unrelenting spot of heat as it pierced in through the windows, the place sustains a perpetual coolness that settles on his shoulders a phantom weight.

Really, he should worry more about potential booby traps in the laptop, but the thought doesn’t even stir his apprehension, and he opens it anyway.

The words he finds on the screen seize his breath before flickering back into an empty void.

His earpiece crackles to life with a hissing fit. “Status report.”

“He’s gone,” Bond growls, shutting the device with a harsh click.

/I went wrong./

#11

Title: The Perfect Gift Author: Shush_MummyWriting Warnings: None Summary: "to strive, to seek, to find, but not to yield."

The moment he saw her, he knew she was perfect.

Madelaine was not just beautiful, but brave, smart and had a backbone of steel. Knowing her background, she was the ideal partner for an old warhorse like James Bond.

Q felt the tiny flame that had been nurtured by every bit of banter, every special look sent his way, every promise extracted, compounded by every risk he had taken for Bond, flicker and die.

When he returned to his favourite workstation in the bowels of Q Branch, the information he had requested from the Archives had already arrived. Q had followed Bond’s career even before their first official meeting and as he looked over the old blueprints, he realised this would be the perfect farewell gift for Bond.

Besides, it would make an excellent project for the Garage minions. With a little creative accounting, sketches already flowing from his fingers to his screen, he would pour every ounce of his brilliance into the DB5 and it would be ready when Bond got back.

Then Q would be able put all those inconvenient feelings behind him and say good-bye to James Bond, with a smile, like the friend that he was.

#12

Title: 'Tis not too late to seek a newer world Author: scarytheory Warnings: mention of character death, depression Summary: James's got his happily ever after with Madeleine. Still – he's struggling every day.

...you should know-

James wakes up from a nightmare, panicking, trying to catch his breath. Madeleine is used to it by now. She just whispers ‘you're safe, you're home’, still half-asleep. But he gets up and pours himself some whisky because he doesn't know what home means anymore.

Everything is blurred. Maybe he made the wrong choice. Even though she's here, and he loves her.

But he's still thinking about that phone call. It's been six months, and he can't stop thinking about it.

“Q died. I thought you should know.”

Wrong home.

More whisky.

And more nightmares.

There is a weird inner ache that James can't even name; he is too afraid to do so. A little bit of it belongs to Madeleine because they can't be happy together; it will never be enough. It's also about Q because James failed him. He knew and he left anyway, left everything that could have been.

But mostly it's about James himself. Because he's so tired and scared to go back and fight again. But in the end, he knows that he will do what he always does.

Not yield.

Not yet.

Even though the whisky is burning in his throat.

#13

Title: Unyielding Author: AtoTheBean Warnings: None Summary: Q will hate that fucking poem for the rest of his life...

“You’re going to lose him.”

“I’m not,” Bond grunts over the comms.  

“Repositioning 006 to intercept,” Q replies, signaling to R.

He looks back at the screen to find Bond has stolen a motorbike.

“007, stand down.  The plaza’s too crowded.”

“All the more reason to stay with the bomb.”

Q sighs, switching screens to an aerial view.  Bond’s so stubborn since his return.

Though, not at first.  At first he was accommodating… practically deferential….  And Q was unyielding in his anger.  It’s taken months to find their rapport... for Q to acknowledge they still make a good team, ignoring the dull ache of what else he wishes they might be.

“Approaching the bridge.”

“I see you,” Q says, refocusing.  

“Good place to douse a bomb...”

“But how would…” Cold dread fills Q. 007 is still fast, but even he acknowledges his reaction times have slowed...

The motor revs. “'We're not now that strength which in old days—’.”

“James Bond, don’t you dare quote Tennyson at me!”

Q watches Bond grab the mark—

“JAMES!”

—and hurl them both off the bridge.  He hears the rush of wind, a splash, and then static.

The water-muffled explosion on the screen is silent.

#14

Title: The Balad of Sir Bond Author: ladymars Warnings: Implied Major Character Death Summary: A prince seeks for his knight.

Lady Moneypenny, from her kneel and still wearing her tattered armor, presented a scrap of burnt fabric to her prince. "This is all we found of him, Your Highness." Cold ice ran through the prince's veins. His breath left him. "No, that can't be..." "I saw him go into that cave myself," the knight interrupted, her voice tight, "I told him we should return, call for reinforcements, but he pushed inside." "Stubborn bastard..." Sir Bond had escaped from dire situations, deadly situations, returned to life with a smirk, a swagger, and the head of their enemy in hand (never his sword, of course, always losing and breaking those), but from a man-eating monster? Of course he's stupid enough to jump in without hesitation. Something pushed the prince up from his throne and to his feet. He staggered as if grief had possessed him and moved his limbs like the automatons he assembled, a yearning pulling him forward. "I'll find him. He's out there. I'll search the ends of the world for him." Moneypenny paled. "But sir—" "No!" His voice did not sound like his own, strangled and high. "He's out there!" A fury flickered in his eyes. "I'll never yield."

__

Thank you all for writing these wonderful drabbles!

Thank you all for voting and making this properly fun!

Here is the post announcing the winners.

[anne-lister-adventures]

Sunday, 17 May 1840

3 40/’’

12 35/’’

Off at 5 10/’’ – Alighted in 5 minutes and walked along the plain – A-[Ann] joined me by and by – Rise gentle began at 6 25/’’ A-[Ann] walked 1 1/2 hour till 7 5/’’ when she got in at the foot of the mountain a German waggon and 4 horses were stopping here to bait and rest a little – And here and now 7 5/’’ begins the steep rise – 

At top at 7 50/’’? in 5 or 6 minutes turn rather right, and descend a little and lose sight of plain of New Shamacha – Green, fertile, patched with good corn, and strewed with lines of black, oblong, ealing topped huts looking like heaps of manure laid up to rot, and in lines of 4 or 5 or 10 or 12 huts – I once counted 30+ huts in one long line – 

Wind to the right all along – Beautiful green, pointed undulating hill mountains – Fine sheep walk – Much cattle and fat tailed sheep, of both more black or dark coloured than any other colour – The plain and hills covered with pheasant’s eye (Paeonia) and wild Chamomile, and Thistles, and Spurges, and Fennel, and much broad leafed Dock and large leafed Pencil-Geranium, and the pretty small leafed small pink flower Geranium so common at home – And the hills where shrubby covered with a bright dark green Myrtle leafed thorny bush (Caper?) and a very small leafed Elm, or is it Hazel? and Ash-Bushes cropped down low – And White Thorn, and Dog Rose, and Bramble and Sloe, and Salley, § and Hornbeam? and Rock Cistus? and a woolly Mountain Ash like leafed shrub, Sumach? occasional peeps at the plain – 

The German waggon and 4 horses had passed me at 8 – Now at 8 1/4 on looking back (had stood writing – Till A-[Ann] and the Kibitka had got within about 150 or 200 yards of me) saw all at a stand – Our oxen lying down, selon leur ordinaire, in a muddy spot where a little spring crosses the road too tempting for them to pass – A-[Ann] came up to me at 8 25/’’ – Delayed 20 minutes – 

At 8 3/4 see village in the other (left) prong of the fork head of our valley and in 2 minutes peep down into valley on the other side our Col – Many ups and downs since first thinking myself at the top – Then turn left round the head of our valley and at 9 5/’’ right over the village seen to the left at 8 3/4, and at the top? gather white aromatic herb Samphorin? that we used to have about Montpellier – 

At 9 1/4 at the top I think – A minute or 2 ago, fine peep of the plain of Novo Shemacha – A road all along our narrow valley on the opposite side to us, beginning at the foot of the valley opposite where the steep ascent began at 7 5/’’ – In the distance I had thought it was the road we had to go – In fact, it would have been to us a nearer tho’ a rather steeper? road – The plain of N.[Novo] S.[Shemacha] seems covered with tanks? 

At 9 20/’’ at the spot where the 2 roads along the valley meet, and fine peep at the plain – At 9 50/’’ at the top – No! Wind right, and at 10 on Col looking down on to the plain (hazy now over it) – ([written on] Saturday 23 May) And to the left up a dell and 2 ranges, one above the other of hill, and large village of Sâcles, as before, on the ridge of the lower range – Still another hill-side to skirt along ascending – Cool air here – Even a wind from my right (the South?) – 

At 10 20/’’ apparently at the summit and about to begin the descent – Look into a bit of the valley I have left behind (I always turning right) and look down into valley thus sweeping before and behind me (1/4 mile before the carriage) and smaller valleys above and branching into it –

Fine green valley view, but not a tree to be seen – Good soil even at the very top of the Col – The hills rich pasture, and patched with dark green corn – 

At 10 20/’’ at top and 2 or 3 minutes farther little stone bridge over mountain misseau that crosses the road and just above a stone well or fountain supplied by a small spring and A-[Ann] came up on one of the Cossacks horses the man himself walking by and leading the animal, and our own Cossack Sous Officier following on horseback – A-[Ann] tired of the oxen, and had taken my hint, and mounted one of the horses – Picturesque village of Sâcles on hill just above (right) and gardens and vines at 10 35/’’ – We all went on together till 11 7/’’ another such fountain in a hollow and sheep and people and dogs and the German waggon and 4 were stopping to bait and steepish ascent again – And here A-[Ann] left me she riding up hill faster than I now felt inclined to walk – 

I was heated and began to feel that I should not be sorry to reach Old Shemacha – It occurred to me to mount the other horse – Then I thought I would walk it out from one Shemacha to the other – Toiled up the hill vainly hoping to see the Town from the top – But no! There was a large village of Sâcles on the hill of the opposite side the valley but S-[Semacha] was still out of sight – At the top of this hill at 11 35/’’ – Sheep and felt huts and shepherds and dogs – Wrote my notes leaning on a large sandstone with Persian inscription and did a little job and killed flea in my drawers A-[Ann] and the 2 Cossacks far on before – 

Fine cool air – Breeze – Thirsty for the last 20 minutes – Walked on a little farther and then sat down for 5 minutes on the green bank (right) at the side of the road – Then walked forwards again to the top of another hill and here at 12 I found A-‘s[Ann’s] Cossack waiting for me – He had left her at the Station and come to shew me the way – 

From here the descent began – The Town not seen for some minutes – In the hollow below – Left it to the left, and made straight along the rich flowery pastures for the Station House 1/2 mile or more from the Town – Nice walk – Gathered flowers – Abundance of a beautiful jonquil-like dark blue flower and of pretty single tulips – Pheasant’s eye – Pretty little red poppies as everywhere, and wild chamomile, and pretty vetches and forget-me-nots &c. &c. – 

Nice enough Station House – Fountain of excellent water close by – Found A-Ann loitering about – Heated – Lay down for a few minutes – Tea – A-[Ann] heated up our boiled rice – Not inclined to eat – But drank much Tea and ate some raisins – and did out of doors a large solid job – ([written on] Thursday 28 May )Tea over now at 2 50/’’ – Don’t feel much tired now after quenching my thirst with 1/2 dozen cups of warm Tea and a glass of cold water and frequent rinsings of the mouth with cold water – Sent General Kotzebue’s letter and our cards to the Commandant Colonel Ascheberg – 

Very hot – Not a dry thread on me on returning – Washed face and hands at the fountain of 1830 – Sandstone – 4 wells, and a beautiful inch-bore-pipe stream of soft clear water perpetually running – What a blessing to the Post Station-House, and Cossacks, and travellers and all the neighbourhood people! – 

The Town of Shemacha on the opposite hill side, a verst from our Station House – Must see the Town as we return – Our podorojna must be signed by the Commandant qui dormait – At 4 ordered the horses to be harnessed – Tiresome waiting – We have been out a little till now 4 35/’’   Off at 5 1/4 without podorojna – Had sent after – It in vain – On dormait toujours – Determined to wait at the door or in the Town till somebody was awake enough to get it signed – 

Alighted for a few minutes and walked up the hill to the mausolea – 4 – Went into each – Domed – Pretty little buildings – 3 tombs each within handsome carved and coloured with Persian inscriptions – In the last mausoleum the 3 tombs + the little tomb of an infant and in this last mausoleum measured the door (with A-‘s[Ann’s] 2 ft.feet rule) of beech wood? 3 ft.[feet] 5 1/2 in.[inches] within the styles – Styles 2 1/2 in.[inches] – 

The Yeddi Gumbaz Mausoleum about 1.5 km from Shamakhi. Of the 4 mausolea Anne saw, only 3 survive. The roof of the fourth has apparently collapsed. (Image Source)

The tombs inside one of these small buildings. Note the colorful inscriptions. (Image source)

‘Tis now 5 25/’’ – Soon down the hill (the carriage had gone forward) at the good bridge over the broadish bedded shallow river where the carriage waited for us – Waited in the Town sauntering under the arcades among the shops while our Cossack got the podorojna – The shops well stocked with the commodities fruits &c. common hereabouts – 

At the little river just out of the Town at 6 10/’’ – Over in 5 minutes – 2 little streams and afterwards a mere wide small-bouldery dry bed – At 6 1/2 short barley in car – They say, says George, this stage is 40 v.[versts] instead of 25, and the 33 v.[versts] tomorrow = 50 – Did not arrive at our Station tonight till 8 55/’’ – 

Very fine day and evening – Don’t feel much tired now, nor have I felt much tired – The great thirst allayed, I was quite right again – Tea at 10 and 1 thing or other till 11 1/2 – Undressing (to put on clean linen tomorrow) and catching fleas &c. till 12 1/2 Reaumur 14 1/3º at 11 1/2 p.m.

§ yellow Jasmin – a plant something like a wild parsley – Blue Symphitum (asperinum?) butter cups – Rose trees –

                                                                                  versts

a.m. 5 10/’’ to 1 New to Old Shemacha                    24 5/7            

p.m. 5 1/4 to 8 55/’’ Old S-[Shemacha] to Maraza   25                    

                                                                                  49 5/7            

[symbols in the margin of the page:]         L✓

[in the margin of the page:]            manure-like huts

[in the margin of the page:]             shrubs and flowers

[in the margin of the page:]             1st fountain

[in the margin of the page:]             2nd fountain

Page References: SH:7/ML/E/24/0106 and SH:7/ML/E/24/0107

[go-redgirl]

President Donald Trump provided Breitbart News during an exclusive Oval Office interview with a six page document detailing several of his administration’s accomplishments.

The document, which is up to date as of early August and provided by the president to Breitbart News during his Oval Office interview on Monday, goes through what the president said was “page after page” of accomplishments.

This is for you,” President Trump told Breitbart News as he handed the six-page document across the Resolute Desk. “I just had this done. These are the accomplishments. It’s page after page of stuff look—nobody’s done.”

The document contains just one subjective shot at his opponents in the establishment media, echoing the president’s claim that he has boosted television ratings and subscription sales and website traffic for the media. “Saved the NY Times, saved the Washington Post, and saved Cable TV,” reads the first item at the top of the first page.

In that vein, during his interview with Breitbart News, the president took some shots at establishment media outlets like CNN and MSNBC, which he called MSDNC.

“I think CNN is election interference because, you know, they are just an organ pipeline for the DNC. Look at what they do. Same with MSDNC,” Trump said. “Look, MSDNC is an absolute vehicle to get the word out. They should actually pay campaign contributions on what they’re doing. This is about a campaign contribution. I’ve never seen anything like it. MSDNC, CNN, the networks, everything—and yet, here we are. Look. Do you notice, it’s oval? It’s not round. But when you think about it, it’s hard to believe because the press is corrupt a hundred percent. If you look at it, the press is corrupt. Much of it, not all of it, but I would say most of it.”

Trump said that even Fox News has slipped from its former glory.

“Even Fox is not the same. Let’s not kid ourselves,” Trump said. “Fox is a big difference from what it was.”

Then, he made a comment in line with the document, noting that he believes the establishment media will struggle when the day comes he is no longer president, because whoever replaces him—whether it be Democrat Joe Biden next year, or somebody four years from now—will be boring.

“Someday when I’m not here, they’re all gone,” Trump said. “Because nobody is going to write. They’re not going to write about sleepy Joe Biden.”

While the document does have that one gratuitous shot at the media on the top of the first page, the content on the rest of the six pages of material lists several real demonstrable and actual accomplishments of the Trump administration—including during the coronavirus pandemic. This six-page document that the president handed to Breitbart News serves as perhaps the most substantive compilation the president and his team have put together detailing what they have done to help the American people through the worst of the pandemic, as well as several other successes the president has had throughout his administration.

The first major bullet point on the first page is titled: “The Great American Comeback is already underway.” It cites how the Trump administration added 1.8 million jobs in July, “exceeding expectations for the third straight month.” It also notes that Trump oversaw the addition of nine million jobs since May, “surpassing market expectations by a total of 12 million new jobs.”

“Over the last three months, we added over four million leisure and hospitality jobs; 1.47 million retail jobs; 1.17 million education and healthcare jobs; 743,000 service jobs; 623,000 manufacturing jobs; and 639,000 construction jobs,” the document continues.

It notes that half of the new jobs created are full-time, and that wages have increased by 4.8 percent year-over-year. The document cites the rapidly dropping unemployment percentage during the pandemic, now back down as of July to 10.2 percent, and noted that African American and Hispanic job creation has boomed during the past three months, rising by one million and 2.3 million respectively in those communities. Overall, job gains since April, the document from the president says, have recovered 42 percent of jobs lost to the pandemic already with 80 percent of small businesses reopened and retail sales spiking in May and June with a record-setting 18.2 percent increase in May and 7.5 percent increase in June.

The document cites several other economic successes of the Trump administration during the pandemic and then shifts into the next section, which details efforts the president made during the pandemic to provide economic relief to get the country through the worst of times. Walking through the over $3 trillion in relief that the president provided to American workers and businesses, the document says the Trump administration saved “many tens of millions of jobs” through signing the $2 trillion CARES Act, which sent direct cash payments to 80 million American workers, and approved $670 billion for the Paycheck Protection Program (PPP), which has processed more than five million loans to small businesses and, according to the document, “saved 50 million American jobs.” The document also cites Trump’s recent executive actions to provide a payroll tax holiday through the end of the year, an extra $400 per week in unemployment benefits to those who need it, to help stop evictions, and to defer student loan payments.

Then it shifts into public health actions the president has taken to “vanquish COVID-19,” which the document says is “the greatest national mobilization since WWII.” It cites the Trump administration’s travel restrictions on China, Europe, and Iran, as well as the administration developing the “most advanced testing system on earth” that has already conducted 65 million coronavirus tests—and notes that despite the United States being just five percent of the world’s population, this country, thanks to the Trump administration, has conducted 25 percent of the world’s coronavirus tests so far. The document cites “Operation Warp Speed,” which has moved three vaccine candidates into Phase Three trials already–a “record time” for vaccine production–and the recently announced $1 billion deal with Johnson & Johnson to “manufacture and distribute 100 million doses” of vaccine when approved.

The document notes that the Trump administration has “reduced mortality by 85% since April through the use of therapies such as Remdesivir, dexamethasone, and antibody treatments.” It notes that the Trump administration has “secured over 4.1 million doses of Remdesivir, enough to treat over 650,000 patients,” and has “treated 86,000 Americans with convalescent plasma” which can “reduce mortality by 50%.” It notes too that more than 230 more clinical trials are underway for more potential emerging treatments.

As for personal protective equipment, the document the president gave to Breitbart News noted that the administration has coordinated with private sector partners to deliver more than 196 million N95 respirator masks, 815 million surgical masks, 20 billion gloves, 34 million face shields, and 354 million gowns. The document says the administration has “replenished the long-neglected National Stockpile by tripling the number of N95 masks on hand to over 45 million,” tripled the number of gowns available to 15 million, and quadrupled the number of ventilators to 75,000. It also says the administration, using the Defense Production Act, “awarded contracts for 200,000 ventilators” to be produced, and that no American who has needed a ventilator to fight the coronavirus has been denied one anywhere in the country.

The document also cites various actions the president has taken on prescription drug prices, as well as on law and order. Specifically on that front, it notes that since the president launched Operation LeGend to send federal officers to a number of U.S. cities including Chicago, Albuquerque, Cleveland, Detroit, Milwaukee, Memphis, Kansas City, and St. Louis, the government has already made 156 arrests, and cites the president’s successes in Portland, Oregon.

The document continues by citing the president’s successes on trade, rebuilding the U.S. military, tax cuts, regulation rollbacks, energy production, confirmation of federal judges, immigration and border security, caring for veterans, healthcare, battling the opioid crisis, fighting human trafficking, and other fronts.

The president also provided Breitbart News with, in addition the six-page document, a notecard on official White House card stock detailing the president’s successes when it comes to appointing and then confirming with the GOP-controlled U.S. Senate federal and appellate court judges and Justices to the U.S. Supreme Court.

That document noted that Trump has so far gotten two U.S. Supreme Court justices confirmed in his first term, as well as 53 appellate court judges and 143 U.S. district court and trade court judges. In total, that’s 232 judges in his first term. By comparison, former President Barack Obama got just 200 total judges confirmed in his first term—and Trump says he will do far more than the 232 he’s at now.

“We’re at 232 judges. We’ll be at 300 judges by the end of the year,” Trump told Breitbart News during the Oval Office interview. “That’s amazing isn’t it?”

READ MORE STORIES ABOUT:

Economy Health Politics Donald Trump economy Jobs On the Hill oval office pandemic recovery White House

_______________________________________________

OPINION:  History in the making by the greatest President, Donald John Trump, like no other in our life time! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

[prorevenge]

Bam, you're homeless!

This happened around 2002, roughly, and requires a big hunk of backstory. I warn you, this is long...really really stupid long. I posted the entire story years ago on a now dead social media site and it was 5 parts long, with pictures. I wont go into nearly as much detail here, but I'll still include enough that you get how horrible the situation was for me and why I did what I did.

​

Prologue/Backstory:

I was seeing this woman that was about 10 years older than me for about a year. My brother introduced us, as his wife was High School friends with the woman. She had a son from a previous marriage that was about 9 years old when we started dating. We hit it off pretty well, and started dating. She lived with her parents when we met, and since I had a 2BR apartment I invited her and her son to move in with me about 3 months into our relationship. She didn't have a job, but that was OK with me. I had a job where I could move up if I wanted to fairly easily, so we wouldn't need her to have an income. It would be tight, but doable without too much effort. She was mostly nice, even though she had her moments (like all women) where she could be pretty petty. I didn't mind those moments since they were fairly rare, but a few led up to and then fed what happened... so I'll briefly run through them here in a prologue of sorts.

Shortly after we first got together, she brought me over to her parents house (we'd previously met, since she lived there at the start) in order to introduce me to her only sister who was visiting. Everything was fine, but her sister kept making eyes at me. I didn't think much of it until my GF went to the bathroom, and I went to the kitchen to get a drink refill. The sister followed me in and immediately gets right up behind me. I'm a little uncomfortable, but she's just akward close, not touching me... she quietly says "hey, why don't you give me a call sometime, I'll make it worth your time sexy". I was horrified. I had just met her, and I was dating her sister. I told her no thanks, got my drink and hurried back to the livingroom. When my GF came out, I made eye contact and made it clear I was ready to go. She ignored me for almost an hour and we finally leave. The GF gets pissed as soon as we hit the car (pickup truck actually), thinking I was just being a dick. I shut that shit down by explaining what happened. She gets mad and tells me a story about how her sister slept with her ex-husband, and how she was a snake and had stolen boyfriends before too. I tell her I don't ever want to be left alone with her again. I then explain that I am NOT a cheater, I wont ever be that guy, and I don't want to be put in a sketchy situation to be misinterpreted either. She agrees, and acts like everything's cool and I had said the right things.

There were a couple more incidents that, at the time, just seemed like standard jealous girlfriend stuff. One stands out, she had acquired a handful of time-sheets from my work and accused me of taking days off and calling in sick without her knowing it, and accused me of using the days to see other women. I was confused, since I have a good work ethic and very rarely take vacations and virtually never call in sick. Turned out she had gotten my brothers time-sheets (he worked at the same place) and my brother had zero work ethic. He called in all the time to do drugs with his wife. I didn't even ask how she got hold of the time-sheets, I just laughed it off and thought she did too.

About 9 or 10 months into the relationship, I popped 'the question', she said yes. We went ring shopping. Like I said, she didn't work and though I had a job, it wasn't the greatest paying job out there. I made about 30K a year, so things were tight-ish, but getting a nice ring was workable as long as neither of us got too crazy. I figured on a combined budget of about $1000USD to $1500 combined.

She decided she just HAD to have this ring that was right at $5000. I told her there was no way I could afford that, and my credit was so crappy at the time they couldn't finance it. I joked that if I was going to spend $5K that it would be on a wedding car, not a ring since she was borrowing her dads car to get around. I told her to pick out something more in line with our budget, and we'd get better rings in the future for an anniversary. She said OK, but I could tell she was pissed. I found a ring I really liked (about $150) but she couldn't find anything and kept looking at the expensive ring giving me puppy dog eyes. The clerk wasnt helping, he kept handing her the ring and saying how nice it looked on her. I was mad, and just decided it was better we leave and come back another day. Give her time to think about it.

​

A few days later, we're at her parents house and her dad pulls me off to the side. Now, her dads a great guy. I really liked him a lot, so I liked being at his house and he seemed to really like me too. He says to me "My daugher says she found a ring she likes, but you cant afford it..." I get a little irritated that she would tell her father that, and he sees it "Don't get upset, I'm not going to try to convince you to buy it. I want to buy it....but you cant tell her I did." I tell him thanks, but no, I cant do that...he's already paying for the wedding that we haven't even planned yet. I remind him that he has no idea how much he'll end up forking over for that yet. He insists. He wants his baby to be happy, and he wants her to be happy with me. After some more argument, I agree....but only if he allows me to pay him back, which he does. About a week later, me and him go get the ring she wanted. I made sure a different clerk from the first time got the sale, fuck that guy. I gave it to her that night, and cue the fireworks and the bedside lamp cut-scene. We were back on track.

​

The day of the wedding arrives, we'd been together almost a year at this point, and it's great. We have a noon wedding at this old wooden church from the early 1800's, and the reception in a nearby field with an old tobacco barn. It was very picturesque but brief, since we'd arranged to go to Orlando for our honeymoon, her choice. Since I could get a good deal by going through a vacation planner from work, provided I went to this timeshare thing, it worked out. We got 1 night in a nice hotel, had to go to a hard-sell timeshare thing the next day for about 2hrs, and got free tickets to Epcot for the following day for about $200. Normally the Epcot tickets alone would have been nearly that. We would then have to switch hotels and had planned to stay for an additional week to see the rest of the city.

​

End Epilogue (told you it was going to be long) and begin the REAL story:

​

The reception ends, and we head straight to the courthouse to file the wedding certificate since it was 4:30pm and they closed at 5pm. I park and run inside, she stays in the truck since she's still in her wedding dress. They had closed early. Fuck. I knew we had 10 days after the wedding to file the certificate, and we were only planning to be gone about 5 to 7 days max. I also knew that if she found out that she'd insist we wait until the next day to leave. That would ruin the first night in the good hotel, and I had no idea if it would stop us from doing the timeshare thing potentially ruining Epcot too. I made an executive decision on the way back to the car to just...not tell her. I could file when we got back, no problem. She would never need to know.

​

We went back to my apartment, and changed into travel clothes and put the suitcases into the back of the truck and left. When she wasn't paying attention, I slipped the wedding certificate into her purse inside a little zipper section I knew she rarely used. I figured it would be safer there than anywhere else. In hindsight I should have left it in the apartment.

​

I should note that at the time I drove a Barney purple Ford Ranger splash. It stood out. My brother had written the standard "just Married" stuff ALL OVER IT in bright red paint. It really stood out. We took off, and after many people honking and we waved at everyone that did, we arrived in Orlando about 3hrs later. We check in to the Embassy Suites, take a very fun joint shower and after several 'fun-time' hours go to sleep. The next day we do the timeshare seminar thing, get the Epcot tickets and check out. I find a cheaper, but still nice, motel close to Epcot and check in. It's a Masters Inn with exterior room doors, not interior with a hallway (image search 'Masters Inn' and you'll get what I mean). We put our stuff in the room, and immediately leave.

​

I grew up on the Eastside of Orlando, so I take her on the grand tour of all my childhood memories. My elementary school, the old neighborhood, the local hangouts telling her my early life story at every turn. I also take her to meet my paternal Grandfather who lived in Winter Park, just outside Orlando at the time. We go to dinner and head back to the motel around 8pm with plans to go to Epcot early so we can spent the entire day. We were going to take the shuttle, but since we both smoked we decided it would be better to take my truck instead.

​

The day goes great with two exceptions. I wore some pants that were a bit loose on me, and couldn't find a belt for sale at the park. I spent the whole day hitching up my britches, which made me mildly irritable. Second, she was being overly affectionate for a family theme park, and I knew Disney didn't tolerate that level of PDA and would throw you out if it got out of hand. I had to keep telling her no when she wanted to do more than a quick kiss. She was sticking her tongue down my throat, and getting handsy...then she got mad when I told her to knock it off.

​

By the time we left Epcot, we were both a little irritable but still in a generally OK mood. We stopped at a 7-11 on the way home. They're selling these pre-made whiskey/coke things, and I feel that they'll help the mood so I buy 4 of them. We pull into the Masters Inn, go up to our room, and...the key doesn't work. I go to the lobby and tell the clerk, he pulls up the room and says no ones checked into that room. After a brief discussion, we realize I'm an idiot and went to the wrong Masters Inn...there's a couple of them in town, and since every street in Orlando looks basically the same, I went the wrong way and ended up at the wrong one.

​

She thinks this is evidence that I'm stupid and keeps harping on me about it the whole drive to our actual motel. We go inside, take a shower and decide to drink. The drinks are warm, so I say I'm going to go get ice and leave the room wearing pink sweatpants (hers) and a tanktop. I did it to make her laugh, which she did, and figured the ice machine would be close so no worries. I was wrong. I walked around the entire motel looking for a machine. The only one they had was in the lobby, so I fill two buckets (not wanting to go back) and head back to the room.

​

Shes. Not. There. The clothes she wore at the park, which were on the floor when I left, are gone. I figure she ran down to the truck to get something, so I pour drinks. She isn't back, so I look outside and don't see her by the truck. Neither of us had cellphones at the time, so I just lay down and started flipping channels waiting.

​

She comes back maybe 5 minutes later and her first words are a loud "FUCK YOU". I just stare at her, and she starts yelling about how I didn't go get ice, I was calling all my bitches back home and that she knew I was cheating on her. I point at the ice buckets and simply say "Ice"...she goes ballistic saying "You were gone for fucking 20 minutes, I knew you were cheating, my sister told me not to trust you!". I get mad because her sister is the one who slept with her last husband, I remind her of that, and how she also hit on me and that I had nothing to do with her because of it. She launches into a tirade about how her sister followed me around and saw me with several convenience store clerks near my job, and that I was busted. She then states "Thats ok, I own you now...you wont be driving yourself to work ever again! I will! If you go anywhere from now on it will be with me or my son, and you can forget about sex for at least a month!"

​

I'm beside myself...I might have actually had an out of body experience. I very calmly say "are you done?" She goes on for another couple minutes in the same vein, and finally says "Well? What do you have to say for yourself?"

​

I work in Corrections, so I'm no stranger to tense verbal situations that could lead to violence, so I don't yell at all. I say, very calmly, "I will drive myself wherever the fuck I please, with or without whoever the fuck I want. I don't cheat, I have never cheated, I WILL never cheat. If you trust your lying sack of shit sister more than the man you married, then maybe you should have married her instead." She screams "MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE!" so I reply with "so are you saying we're done? I refuse to live like you just described. If that's the only option, then you're saying we're done. Are we done?"

​

She yells "WE'RE DONE WHEN I SAY WE'RE DONE....YOU'RE DONE, BUT WE AREN'T BY A LONGSHOT...I...OWN....YOU!!"

​

I reply with "so we're done. Get some sleep, we're going back home in the morning". Neither of us get much sleep, but we dont talk to each other at all. The next morning, around 9am, I ask her "Have you calmed down, or are we still through" she answers with a very angry "Fuck you asshole"...so I get up, and start loading our stuff. I tell her "get in the truck or get left" and she wisely gets in.

​

The Revenge Begins

​

At this point I'm not 100% sure we're officially over yet, I just know we aren't staying in Orlando just to fight. On the drive out of Orlando, people are honking at us because of the 'just married' stuff, and she's yelling at them, giving them the finger. My windows are very darkly tinted, so I doubt anyone really saw her, but I still tell her to knock that shit off. She rolls the window down, and before I can say anything she's taken off her wedding ring and thrown it out the window.

​

I start laughing. She gets says "what're you laughing at, I hope you enjoy paying for that!". I drop the bombshell: "your dad bought that ring, he did it so you'd be happy and made me swear not to tell you...enjoy telling him you threw his 5K away bitch" at this point I know we're over for good. She starts yelling for me to pull over on the East-West Expressway...yeah, right! It's a 4-lane toll road, very busy, everyone going 70mph+, with a very narrow shoulder. I tell her she's fucked, that ring is gone. She's furiously yelling, but I cant stop smiling because I feel like I've just avoided a lifetime of misery and somehow everything happened like it did just to save me...but it gets better/worse.

​

We get back to town and when I slow down to turn down the road to my apartment, she screams "Take me home you fucker, take me home now!", so I head to her parents house about 4 miles away. As soon as I stop she says "bye motherfucker", jumps out, slams the shit out of the door, and runs inside. I guess she thought I'd just go home. I did not. I got out and walked up to the door. Her dad opened it before I could knock and steps out. He says "Rodnaxela, what happened, whats going on???" So I explain it to him, and include that she threw the ring out the window. He is instantly mad. I think he's mad at both of us, but he's not. He tells me to come in and I do. Mom is sitting there (she's wheelchair bound, has a British accent and is completely awesome), and she looks like she wants to cry....which makes me want to cry. My GF comes out of the kitchen, sees me, and starts swearing a blue streak as she grabs her purse and her dads car keys. She bolts out the door and takes off to god knows where. I stay there for about an hour explaining everything that went down.

​

They drop a bombshell. They tell me that she has been married 3 previous times, and ruined all of them with her anger and jealousy. They are sorry for not telling me, but they really liked me and wanted me in their family. They hoped that I would be the one to settle her down since it seemed like we never fought and I was really good at de-escalating. I tell them I understand, and apologize for the whole situation and leave.

​

It's on the way home that I remember the wedding certificate and have an "oh fuck" moment. I initially have no idea what to do, or how to get it from her without her knowing since we now hate each other. I go home and start putting all her shit into garbage bags. I haven't mentioned her son much because even though his mother and I lived together, he spend 99% of the time at her parents house. He had the spare room set up for when he stayed there, but he rarely did. I packed what little he had more carefully than I had hers, using an actual box.

​

While I was packing, she showed up with my brother. Turns out she was over there talking shit. She was high school friends with his wife, so it didn't strike me as odd when I thought about it. It also didn't strike me odd that my brother was acting like a dick because he likely believed her version of the story and his wife being friends with her drove it home. They loaded up her stuff, stole a moderate amount of my stuff (including some of the wedding gifts/checks I was going to return, didn't notice that for a week) and left. My dear bother forged my signature on the checks and cashed them the next day, which I didn't find out for awhile. She didn't have her purse with her, so there was no opportunity to retrieve the certificate.

​

After she left, I called her dad and asked if the purse in question was there. She had several. He looked and couldn't find it, he asked why but I didn't tell him. I asked him to call me when she got home, no matter how late it was. I had formulated a plan that I wasn't sure would work, but had to try.

​

He called around 11pm and said she had just come in, he was whispering so she didn't know he was calling me. Perfect. I drove over and knocked on the door. She answered. "what the fuck do you want?" she says. I earned the academy award by putting on a sad face and saying "baby, please, this has gone far enough. I love you. I'll do whatever you want, just don't leave me...please...lets go get something to eat and talk...I'll do anything you want" she looks at me for a minute, gets this cruel look and says give me a minute. I stand there trying to keep looking sad in case she peeks out the window, and after a couple minutes she steps back outside..With. The. Purse!!!

​

Without warning, as she steps down the stairs, I snatch the purse from her and run into the yard. I get the certificate out and start waving it around. She has no clue whats going on and just stands there. I yell "I got the wedding certificate bitch, they were closed, I never filed it you cunt!!!" as she starts to move towards me, I throw her purse at her and start ripping up the certificate. I throw half of the pieces in her face and jump in my truck and haul ass away. Best moment of my life.

​

So far it's just petty revenge bordering on pro. I was gotten as good as I gave, and maybe I got the worse end of it since she got the wedding money. This is where it goes into pro level, maybe even nuclear...possibly even supernova levels, even though I was only partially the reason her life ended up being ruined.

​

I get back home feeling very happy with myself, and start watching TV. I even still have about a week and a half left on my vacation. Fuck Yeah! Then my phone rings, it's my brother. He starts yelling at me that I'm an asshole and that I'll pay for doing what I did and he'll make sure of it. I hang up on him, and turn off my ringer. I start thinking about what he said and realize that he may have planted something while he was here. I know he's into pills and smokes dope, so I wouldn't put it past him. I immediately start searching my house. I empty every closet, every cupboard, strip the beds, vacuum and basically spend the next 2 days cleaning that place better than it's ever been cleaned. I keep running across these tiny ziploc baggies in weird places. Under the bathroom sink, under the couch, behind books on a shelf....and I have no idea why. The bags are big enough to put a bottlecap in at most and look dusty inside. Then it hits me when I find some 2 inch (5cm) straws under the bed. Cocaine. Shit.

​

I go BACK through the whole place and find a couple more baggies and a few more straws. At this point I have no idea my brother is into coke, and the amount of baggies with the apparent age of some of them makes me think they're all my exes. I'm pissed, so I call her dad. I tell him what I've been finding and he gets quiet. He says "Rodnaxela, I'm so sorry, I thought she was done with that, I should have warned you...I'm so sorry" I'm floored as he explains that she's had coke issues off and on for years. She had said she quit when her parents threatened to fight for custody of her kid and throw her out if she didn't. This was a few months before we started dating. I inform him that I can get some drug tests from work fairly easily if he wants, he says he may want them and that he'll call me back.

​

The next day I get a call from her dad. He had just confronted her and told her that if she refused to pee in a cup, with her mother watching, whenever they wanted her to she would be thrown out on the street. She refused and they told her she had 5 days to either get out or reconsider. I told him to let me know if she reconsidered, and I'd get him the tests. He never called me back, and we never spoke again. Due to some things my brother stirred up at work, I wasnt speaking to him anymore either, so I didnt find out what all happened for a while.

​

About 6 months later I found out through a mutual friend that they had thrown her out, and when she didn't contact them or her son for about 2 months they filed for custody based on abandonment (not sure all of the specifics). Last I heard, they had raised him to be a good man and his mother was last seen living under a highway overpass, but that was several years ago. She's either dead now or maybe under another overpass in another city...at least that's how I prefer to picture her.

​

There is a whole 'rest of the story' that involves my brother trying to ruin my life because of this situation. Turns out he and my ex were doing coke together, but all the connections were hers...when I ended things, she cut him out. He went to work the week before I came back and spread some pretty fucked up lies about me and how the breakup happened. I was new to the institution at the time and was scheduled to start a new shift on my return, so it was perfect timing on his part....but that's a whole different story that I might write at some point, since I got revenge on several people over the course of things.

​

If enough people say this rises to the level of nuclear or supernova, I'll crosspost.

​

TL;DR I marry some bitch, she thinks that means she can turn me into her slave, turns out we weren't really married and she ends up losing her kid and living under a bridge like a cunty troll.

(source) story by (/u/Rodnaxela)

[nightsky-wonderer]

The Curious Case of Comets

Comets.  Fascinating dirty snowballs in space.  The apparent symbol for the Dark Kingdom, suspected hidden power source of Varian’s, and possible origin of the Dark Kingdom’s opal.  Here, I share some cool info about why these celestial bodies are so interesting, as well as a fun, personal insight how our favourite alchemist may parallel them in some ways; possible support for the Comet!Varian Theory?

 (Whoever came up with this theory first, I wish to credit you!)

UPDATE 1.1 few fixes and new thoughts.  Probably more after tent-pole episode

Part 1: The Science (Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

 - Comets are small celestial bodies composed of ice, dust and rock.  Also contains multiple forms of organic compounds and gasses (e.g. carbon dioxide, amino acids, methane, ammonia, etc.)

- Observational studies, such as the splitting of comet Shoemaker-Levy 9 and 73P/Schwassmann-Wachmann, and space missions (e.g. Deep Impact, Rosetta), help suggest that comets are very fragile objects!  Some of the suspected mechanisms behind splitting nuclei include tidal splitting, direct impact, thermal stress, and internal gas pressure (more about splitting mechanisms here).  The internal structure, however, is a topic still left up for debate. 

- Comets start out dark and frozen in deep space.  Upon reaching the inner solar system, they begin to heat up, outgas, and brighten.  The sublimated gasses form an ‘atmosphere’ around the nucleus called the Coma.  Eventually, the comet forms two tails.  The Ion (or Gas) Tail is a result of ionized (removal of electrons) molecules from the coma, and is pulled away by solar wind along magnetic field lines.  They appear narrow and blue in colour, and always point straight, away from the sun.  The Dust Tail appears long and curved, and also is influenced by solar wind.

- If the Coma is mostly composed of Cyanogen (CN) and/or Diatomic Carbon (C2), UV Radiation will cause these gasses in the Coma to glow green or teal (blue-green).  Examples of comets that appeared this way: Comet Hyakutake (1996), 109P/Swift-Tuttle, 2P/Encke, C/2014 Q2 Lovejoy.

- Some observers use the teal/green colour as an indicator that the comet is in an active phase, where experiencing outbursts are high, and that parts of its nucleus is more vulnerable to splitting apart!  Such events, however, are rare.

- There are currently 3,564 comets observed and named, but only a small fraction become naked eye visibility, with even less receiving the title of Great Comet (Those that become exceptionally bright!  e.g. Comet Hale-Bopp in 1997).  There are possibly trillions beyond the orbit of Neptune waiting to be discovered!

- Comets travel in highly elliptical orbits, each one varying in time to make one revolution.  Short Period comets (e.g. Halley’s Comet) originate from the Kuiper belt, and are guaranteed to return within 200 years.  Long Period comets (e.g. Hale-Bopp) take much longer and may not return for thousands of years!  They sometimes appear as the most spectacular to view, due to its abundance of volatiles from their minimal visits to the solar system.  Can be found in the Oort Cloud.  Sungrazers get very close to the sun upon perihelion (closest distance from sun).  They usually evaporate away if they have a small mass.  However, there are a rare few that actually survive the trip.

- More frequent visits to the solar system results in more of the comet’s volatiles and contents getting lost, eventually leaving a rocky core behind!

- Scientific theories portray comets as both the destroyers (e.g. younger dryas), and the creators of life (e.g. emergence of life billions of years ago).

Part 2: Legends and Superstitions (Sources: 1, 2)

- Due to their unpredictable natures and appearances, many ancient cultures saw comets as a message from their gods, and an omen for impending disasters and negative superstitions.

- Ancient legends also helped fuel this negative association with comets (e.g. The Babylonian “Epic of Gilgamesh” describing about floods and fire once a comet arrives).

- They were also blamed for some of history’s darkest moments (e.g. Julius Caesar’s death, the Black Death in England)

- Cause of scares: When Halley’s Comet returned in 1910, a rumour spread about a poisonous gas being emitted from the comet.  People rushed to grab gas masks and other innovative objects, such as ‘anti-comet’ umbrellas, to help them avoid the supposed danger.

- Natal chart superstition: If comets are present within a person’s natal chart at birth, the person “could be an innovative thinker, and could be associated with shocks, too.  These people may carry out actions to release or may have an overwhelming influence over large groups.  Their attitude and traits may be unpredictable.”(Rod Chang, 2014)

Fun Facts:

- The word, Comet, comes from the Greek word, komētēs, meaning “long-haired (star)”. The Icelandic word, halastjarna, translates as “tail star”, which the Chinese referring to them “long-tailed pheasant stars”, “broom stars,” and “vile stars”.

- Asteroid 2015 TB145, theorized to be an extinct comet, looks just like a skull!

- Just for fun - Colour Scheme: Black nucleus, Blue ion tail, Grey/Yellowish-White dust tail, sometimes Teal/Green Coma.

- Debris left behind by comets are responsible for some of Earth’s annual meteor showers! (e.g. Perseids, Orionids, Leonids)

Connections/Parallels with Varian

Now finally, for the fun part.  

First of all, the Moon theory, created by @ghosta-r , is great! Really well-analysed and has strong evidence (also, please read @nyxglitch ‘s post, it’s very well-done!).   However, there is still that feeling where Canon appears to be bringing lunar symbolism towards a different direction, or a different character. Assuming the hints from “Vigor the Visionary” are pointing towards the Dark Prince theory (created by @forever-tangledup), it may be the crew wish to present the sun/moon relationship in a more romantic direction. There is a chance, however, one or two theories end up being true, or none at all in the end, but it does not stop the fun of speculation before they’re officially debunked!

Keep note, these are just my opinions, and fun personal take on Varian’s potential comet parallels, and you are free to disagree with them.

1. Omens for disaster: 

A.) This one, I felt, was pretty obvious.  Varian has been labeled “a dangerous wizard” in “What the hair”, and in the second half of season 1, was being labelled as “dangerous” in general.  It seems that both Varian and comets are the go-to things to place blame for negative superstition.  However, Varian did rightfully earn his first title for his unpredictable experiments-gone-wrong. 

B.) Interestingly, this negative reputation shares a similar parallel with opals being associated with “bad luck” and other superstitions.

2. Colour palette:  

A.)  From the colours identified, I feel that a majority, more specifically, ¾ colours match up with Varian (Blue, Black, Teal). I do admit, however, that the colours of his shirt and hair stripe can be very tricky to the eyes sometimes.  In some scenes, it appears blue, while in others, it appears greener; I even had trouble deciding which colours to use while making my cosplay.  On the other hand, I think it may be safe to say that the colours are more in the blue-green region.

B.)  The yellowish-white colours appear more prominently when the comet has released enough gas and dust to reflect the sun’s light, usually when it is getting close to perihelion.  This tends to dull out the teal colours of the coma most times.  

C.)  Most of us would probably not be familiar with green comets; Most of the Great Comets talked about in the news are white and bright, and this is due to its close approach to the sun and/or the size of its nucleus (with the exception of Hyakutake, which was small, but made a very close approach to earth). A majority of comets are much fainter, and barely make it to impressive naked eye visibility, thus don’t make the headlines as much.

3. Messenger of the gods: Ok, deities are not really presented, nor do they play much of a role in the series, so this may be a weak point.  However, the first thing that came into my mind was Varian’s appearances in Rapunzel’s nightmares.  More specifically, the one where Varian delivers the message to “face [her] destiny” or all will be lost.  I suppose in a metaphorical sense, the rocks (the gods) send Varian (the messenger/comet) to deliver Rapunzel an important message.

4. Elliptical orbits (one that will be difficult to explain :p):  

A.)  @mycove has mentioned in a recent post that the comet’s elliptical orbit describes Varian’s relationship with Rapunzel and her friends: sometimes far, sometimes close.  Everyone started out as friends in the beginning, but as season 1 came to an end, Varian became very cold and distant from the group.

B.)  Comets remain dark and invisible until they reach a certain distance within the inner solar system, where they increasingly receive solar energy to finally shine.  This is similar to what @nyxglitch described Varian and the Moon in their post: “small and insignificant… also cold and duels in the night, yet needs the sun in order to shine, otherwise it is eclipsed and left in the dark.”  Almost every object in the solar system needs the sun to shine light on them in order to make a noticeable appearance in the night sky.  In terms of plot, Varian’s biggest relevance and actions, being a plot device, occur when he is more involved with Rapunzel (the sun).

C.)  Assuming the comet’s brightness can also symbolize Varian’s actions and influence, the more he interacted with Rapunzel, the more said actions and influence became more noticeable and felt in Corona.  Just like how as a comet became brighter, the more noticeable it became to display both its beauty and its horrors upon mankind. 

D.)  As comets lose more of themselves with each return to the inner solar system, Varian appears to be losing more of himself (his sanity) with each progressing encounter with Rapunzel, notably in the second half of season 1.

5. Fragile Nucleus

A.)   It’s no surprise that Varian is fragile, being presented to be very prone to accidents and injuries. He even suffered a mental breakdown by SOTSD.

B.)  Comets release more gas and dust, and become brighter as it approaches the sun.  But at what cost? Comets experience outbursts that may contribute to self-fragmentation; some end up evaporating completely if they get too close to the sun, and all sorts of other things happen to them that result in the comet losing its volatiles, weakening its structure, and even end up being destroyed completely.  Similar to point D for Elliptical Orbit, Varian’s actions in Corona progressively became very noticeable and felt as he continued to react to Rapunzel’s light, but at the same time, the price of doing so results in his own self-destruction.

6. Natal Chart Superstition: I feel as if these words described Varian very well. Even though natal charts have no involvement in the series, it’s fun to think if his personality is playing along the lines or referencing this superstition.

7. What the hair?! *Literally*

A.) In the Moon Theory, Varian’s hair stripe can be seen as a crescent moon on one side.  In terms of this theory, it could also be seen as a teal-coloured comet streaming across the night sky.  The pointiest part of the stripe is the nucleus, then the rest left/upward from it curves and streams out like it’s tail!

B.) Comets appear to have their longest and curviest tails around perihelion, aka the point they’re most vulnerable to evaporate.  This could be visual foreshadowing (get too close to the sun, and you’ll burn!). 

Overall, I am excited to see how the series concludes regardless of whatever theory is confirmed; I’m sure whatever the crew has up their sleeves, it will be satisfying.

[oxatouchofthewickedxo]

Saturn’s Return

this post is more for my own benefit bc my memory sucks so you can stop reading now if ya want.

so a while back when i watched parks and recreation all the way through for the first time, i got very intrigued by the conversation that donna and april had about the concept of saturn’s return. which if you don’t know, saturn will return to the exact spot it was when you were born around 27-29 years later. apparently this is a time for rebirth and renewal as well as a shedding of your child self so you can begin the process of growing up and becoming an adult.

not too long after that, i happened to be really paying attention to the lyrics of “the grudge” by tool in which maynard talks about saturn ascending and forcing you to make a choice in your life. didn’t really do much research on it at the time because i was actually in the bath tub while listening to it and like i said, my memory is terrible so by the time i got out and got dressed, it slipped my mind.

last night, my best friend came over to my fiance & i’s house and somehow this concept of saturn’s return came up in conversation which sparked the tool song in my head again. i began to look into it and apparently this theory is extremely prevalent in the land o’ tool. i’m just gonna list the things that may be all in my head but considering maynard and the insanity of all that tool is, i highly doubt it:

1. at least 2 songs have this concept as a theme: the grudge and jambi

2. 10,000 days is the title of an album as well as a song. saturn’s return takes roughly 10,000 days.

3. opiate came out in 1992, 10,000 days came out in 2006, and fear inoculum came out this year, 2019. so in my opinion, opiate is like the birth of tool, 10,000 days come out 14 years later which suggests they are midway through their journey as a band, then in 2019 which is 27 years later, saturn returns and tool as we know them have reached their peak. so i believe that if tool does in fact make another album after this, they may not be the tool we are all used to. 

4. lateralus is 78 minutes and 51 seconds long. 78 minus 51 is 27.

5. the grudge is 8 minutes and 36 seconds long, 36-8 is 28.

please note that i do realize that lateralus came out before 10,000 days but i am just pointing out the constant use of these numbers throughout the band’s history. if i didn’t know maynard the way that i do, i would think these were all just coincidences but i have learned so many times throughout the last 9 years that there literally are NO coincidences in this band. everything has meaning. LITERALLY everything.

as far as my personal experiences with saturn’s return, i truly believe this is a real thing. my fiance was 28 years old when we met in 2010 and he turned 29 3 months later. this was a time of internal struggle, self discovery, and straight up insanity for him. he had been using crack for about 4 years at this point and was at this precipice with it where he literally hated how the drug made him feel but his addiction would get the best of him every time and he would end up using. however, something came over him one day and he decided that he wasn’t going to let this happen anymore so he voluntarily went to rehab and he came home a new man. sure, there have been a couple of slip ups here and there, but no binges and definitely a different type of regret afterwards. literally from that moment that he made his mind up to better himself, he has been a completely different person. he is the most incredible human being i know and i am so grateful for whatever clicked in his brain to make him change.

flash forward to now and i am currently 29 years old and the last 4 months have been the most life shaping ones of my life. on august 13th of this year i got fired from my job. 2 weeks later, the cops showed up at our house looking for me. luckily, i had literally just left 5 minutes before this so i didn’t end up in jail. turns out there was a warrant out for my arrest due to a driving under suspension charge i had gotten in may when i got pulled over for speeding. i had absolutely no idea my license was suspended by the way. but anyway, i completely forgot to go to my court date and for some reason, they never sent me anything about the rescheduled one so hence the warrant. due to the fact that not only was i unemployed, but also the cops showed up twice in one day, my fiance’s grandparents told him i could no longer live in our house which we rent from them and is behind theirs. they are super old school so the minute anything like this happens, they think the worst. i had nowhere else to go, so i in the blink of an eye was homeless. prior to losing my job, i had been going to the methadone clinic for over a year in order to get off heroin. because i could no longer afford my methadone, i immediately fell back in with my heroin dealer who was like my big brother, so instead of giving me dope for money, he gave me dope for rides to work. so here i was, homeless, back on heroin, and completely uncaring and oblivious to the shit hole i had dug for myself. all of this led to me driving 2.5 hours to my father’s house on october 11th. i came completely clean with my dad, told him about all the horrible things i had been doing over the last few years, and begged him to let me stay with him for a while in order to get my shit together which i thought was very doable since i was no longer in my city around drugs and enablers. instead though, my dad’s solution was to ship me off to a 12 MONTH LONG FAITH BASED “recovery program.” i should add that i do not believe in the christian god at all and think that organized religion is a joke and he knows this about me. to make matters worse, they also did not allow me to have ANY correspondence with my fiance who i have been with for 9 years and has been my ONLY support system during this time. i am talking no phone calls, no visits, and not even letters back and forth. as if all that wasn’t enough to make me want to kill myself, they also didn’t offer any type of medically assisted detox. i was told all that would be available to me was ibuprofen, rest, and water. if you’ve never gone through opiate withdrawal, then you have no freaking clue about the hell that i was about to be in for. i can’t even put what dope sickness feels like into words. it is literally the worst thing i have ever experienced in my life. i wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. there’s a lyric from the highly suspect song “bath salts” that kind of describes it perfectly....”6 AM, there goes the moon, i feel like death is coming soon & oh, all i wanna do is fucking sleep.” which is about damn right because you feel like you are dying and no matter what you do, you can’t sleep. no amount of downers or sleeping pills can calm those restless legs bruh. but anyway...i am getting off track. i knew going into this bullshit that i wasn’t going to make it. not because of me wanting to use again, but because i was going to have jesus literally crammed down my throat and the absence of matthew from my life for a year was just NOT going to happen. adding insult to injury, the day i went into this god forsaken place was october 14th, ONE FUCKING DAY before our 9 year anniversary. the only thing i even wanna say about my time at this place right now was that they are satists because they would only give me ibuprofen, etc. once a day, i was only allowed to “rest” the first 3 days i was there and this rest was either laying across the world’s most uncomfortable chairs or on the freezing ass cold floor of a fucking church sanctuary. anyways, on the weekends we were FORCED to go all over the east coast in small groups to fundraise in order to “earn our keep”...we had to do this for 13 hours a day every friday and saturday. fast forward to my 2nd weekend there and my 2nd day of my 2nd fundraiser. i’m not sure what came over me, but something inside me snapped. i reached my “i cannot take this shit anymore” point. we went inside the walmart we were fundraising at and i stole one of those small personal boxes of wine, went into the bathroom, and shotgunned the fuck out of this thing. once we were back outside at our table, i waited until it was my turn to “man” the table and my leader’s turn to “work the door” and i went into her bookbag & stole the $550 we had raised the day before. i then asked her if i could go get my tennis shoes out of the van and when i did that, i also grabbed my id and social security card out of my wallet. a couple of minutes later, i asked for a bathroom break which we were not allowed to take alone, so as soon as she went inside a stall, i turned around and ran like a crazy person out of that store & across the street to metro pcs to get a cell phone. after that, i went to walgreens where i got a prepaid debit card and ordered a lyft to a hotel where i got a room for the night. once i got settled, i first made plans with my dealer to come home and get up with him. we looked into me taking a lyft home but that would have cost $200 so we decided i would wait til the morning and take a bus. not sure what it was but something kept telling me that it was a horrible idea to do all of that. it kept getting stronger and when my gut talks to me like that, i listen, so i knew i needed a plan b. i don’t know what put this thought in my head, but i decided to call this guy i had worked with a few years ago. i worked at a pest control company as a schedule coordinator and he was one of the technicians i scheduled for. we lived in different states, about 4 hours away from one another, but we talked on the phone constantly obviously. during the time i worked there, we grew incredibly close and even after i stopped working there, we maintained a relationship and anytime he had to come to my city, which is where the corporate office is located, we would get together. in 2016, i even cheated on my fiance with him. this kid was head over heels in love with me, but i never felt the same way, but me being my typical bitchy self, i preyed on that to my advantage. he and i hadn’t spoken since shortly after we hooked up in 2016, but he literally jumped in his car the moment i asked and was on the way to come get me. unfortunately, his car broke down on the interstate like 45 minutes after he left, so i ended up getting a bus ticket to where he lives the next morning. he came and got me at the bus station and all of a sudden, i was in a different state, 4 hours from home, and living with a man who was not my fiance whom at this point i hadn’t even called yet. i was terrified to tell him about what i had done because i was so ashamed. i didn’t want to disappoint him yet again because at this point, that’s all i was doing. fast forward to 2 weeks later and my fiance found out that i had decided i was going to stay where i was and be with this other dude because i had convinced myself i didn’t need him and that i was living my best life, so of course, he stopped talking to me and said he was done. for 5 days, i didn’t try to contact him or even look at my phone, but one night while the new guy was at work, i was laying in bed watching how i met your mother and seeing marshall and lily made me miss my fiance on a physically painful level. so, i finally caved and turned my phone on even though i knew that any communication from him was going to be negative and horribly mean. instead though, i only had one message from him and it was the sweetest msg ever saying he was going to always love me and be waiting for me if i wanted him, but he wasn’t going to interfere with my happiness if this new dude made me happy. i immediately called him and we stayed on the phone for 2 hours during which we made the plan for him to come rescue me. that was on a tuesday and we planned for him to come pick me up the following monday. those were the longest 5 days of my life. when we finally were together again, he picked me up, i wrapped my legs around him, and we kissed. it was at that moment i knew that he is my fucking home. there will never be anyone for me but him. those 37 days without him were the most agonizing days of my life and i swear i will never be away from him again. 

so to bring this to a close, my saturn’s return literally returned me to my home in the literal and figurative sense. i have learned more about myself and about what life is about in the last 4 months than i ever have in my 29 years of life. things are far from perfect right now, but i am somehow at peace because for once, i listened to my heart instead of trying to please everyone else. i can’t explain to you the realizations i have come to in these last few weeks, but i am beyond clear headed and i know without a doubt i did the right thing for my sanity. this saturn’s return shit is real and is no fucking joke.

PS....AS OF 12/12/19, I WILL BE OFF OF OPIATES FOR 2 MONTHS AND THAT IS THE LONGEST CLEAN TIME I HAVE HAD FROM THEM IN 8 FUCKING YEARS SO AYYYYYYE! lol

[keywestlou]

THE INCREASED COST OF FOOD NOT WHAT YOU THINK

Most people think the incense in eh cost of food is because the supermarkets are ripping off the public. To a degree, yes. Not that much however in comparison to some other businesses/reasons..

Some find a way to benefit from a crisis such as the pandemic.

In this instance, food producers. Those who manufacture the canned goods, meats, and anything else sold in a supermarket.

Notice how certain food stuffs are absent for weeks on the shelves. The items always return. However at an increased price.

The producers have learned to play the gouging game.  They intentionally hold on to goods they produce so as to manipulate prices. The game again is to keep a product off the shelve for several weeks and then have it return at a higher price.

Then there is the cost of shipping/delivery of goods.

Shipping prices have gone out of sight! Which of course increases the final cost to the consumer.

Tucking rates have soared despite a demand below prior years.

Diesel #2 prices are up. Twenty percent from November 2020 through February 15, 2021. A big jump in a short period of time.

Crude oil is up 64 percent during the same time period. Wild!

Shippers, such as retailers and manufacturers shipping goods to the customer, have experienced a 20 percent hike from January 2020 through January 2021. The steepest increase since 2011!

Only a few examples contributing to increased transportation costs have been provided. The statistics/data involving the increases in various types of shipping were too much for me to understand. Wow! The only thing clear was that there is an increase in every area. Reasons generally different. My opinion is do not blame everything on the supermarket. They are responsible to some degree. The examples set forth herein are responsible to an even greater degree.

Texas. A disaster!

Hopefully Texas has learned a lesson. The lesson also is a warning to other states not to go the “independent” way Texas did.

There are two national grids. The East and the West. Then there is Texas standing alone. Texas knew how to provide power more efficiently and cheaper.

They bull shitted themselves.

If you are going to run your own business, it must be run properly to avoid something as has occurred in Texas.

Once set up, Texas failed to do the necessary to keep structures up to date and failed to pay attention to anticipated wild weather developments.

“Once in a hundred years” has become common in everything involving weather.

However, if you have a neoliberal austerity State which has spent 40 years deregulating and privatizing public infrastructures, and downsizing public service into incapability, you end up with a gigantic bad situation. A problem where people cannot depend on the State for water, food, and power during emergencies.

There are adverse weather events to prepare for. Texas did not prepare.

Set aside State damages for which Texas is responsible, most of which probably are not insured. Another way to save a buck.

Home owners and businesses normally are insure. I m confident many Texans are insured for the damages wrought by the snow and ice. Note however that insurance companies are a business. They claim they are available to protect their insureds. No! Most are corporations and worried more about their bottom lines.

So insurance policies are written with various exceptions. Happenings where coverage is excluded. Take for example water driven by wind. The insurance companies will play with that one big time. How about an act of God? Can one argue the cause of snow and ice other than an act of God. Insurance companies try and do.

There are numerous other examples. The poor homeowner and businessman is going to have a hard time getting paid actual damages incurred or getting paid at all.

And what of the time factor involved between the time the claim is made and the insurance company pays. Could be a year or two or more.

Billions of dollars are involved.

The news keeps saying Biden definitely is not in favor of an increase in the minimum wage to $15 in this stimulus package. I sense it is something he will consider at another time. Biden cannot be expected to do everything at one time.

Biden is in favor of a $15 minimum wage for federal employees. Evidence he is aware of the problem and is working on it.

Joseph Anthony Pizzo died recently. He was 88.

I first met Joe when I came to Key West some 30 years ago. He and his wife Beth wee already here. We became friends.

Joe was a happy person. Always a big smile when he saw you. Beth likewise very personable.

Joe was into things that grew from the ground. A botanist/horticulturalist.  He taught life science classes for 30 years at Chicago City College. In addition, he and Beth opened Floral Consultants, a business they were able to expand to multiple Chicago locations.

Rest in peace, Joe!

Key West has had many citizen who have been responsible for what Key West has become. Good, bad, or indifferent, Key West would not be what it is today without their genius and hard work.

One of those persons is David Wolkowsky. David died a few years ago.

On this day in 1967, David began construction of the Pier House Motel. On that Motel site, today’s Pier House sits. Developer over the years by David.

David was my friend. I unfortunately met him in his later years. I enjoyed his company. He was respectful to all. Everyone loved him.

Enjoy your day!

—

DAY 26…..Greece the First Time

Posted on June 22, 2012 by Key West Lou

Not easy to communicate via internet from the middle of the Aegean Sea. Equipment here all old. Connections not dependable. Things keep getting lost. I spend more time looking for lost material than writing.

None of the above is intended as a complaint. I expect no more nor no less from an island so remote as the one I am presently on. Amorgos. It is almost nowhere. Access is by boat only. The boat comes and goes. The boat arrives two times a week.

I share the preceding with you for a particular reason.

Recent blogs have contained many errors. Paragraphs repeated, misspelled words, capitalizations missing, etc. I cannot help it. I reach a point where I have spent 4 hours doing the blog, 2.5 of which were spent finding the blog when it has disappeared.

I reach a point where I say I must publish before I lose the blog in its entirety for good. So I publish. I must admit when I am at that point, I am also very tired and say screw it.

Forgive me. The substance is good, even though the form may be lacking on occasion.

Which brings me to my present abode. A small white cottage with blue trim. Trim includes windows, shutters and doors. Sitting about 12 feet from the ocean. Yesterday I described the area between me and the water as a road. I was mistaken. It is a stone foot path.

Amorgos is one of the far out of the Greek islands. Off the beaten path. Few visitors. Not on the tourist routes. No big fancy hotels. Nothing but you, a couple of neighbors, and God.

If 2,000 people live on this island, I would be shocked.

My little house sits at the end of the path previously described. After that, nothing but water.

Sunsets terrific. Like Key West. Across the water from me. Over the peak of a mountain. Glorious!

I bought a bottle of Beefeaters yesterday. Enjoyed a couple of drinks from my terrace watching the sunset.

I was shocked I could buy Beefeaters. It has been almost non existent at my previous stops. Not only was it available on Amorgos, it was also cheap. About half the cost compared to the U.S. I suspect it is the taxes. If the Greeks taxed alcohol as much as it is in the U.S., it would dramatically help their financial condition.

Cigarettes. I took 4 packs with me. I have been gone 2 days shy of four weeks. Just finished the fourth pack yesterday. I am not doing bad in smoking little. I know. I should not be at all.

I bought a pack yesterday. $4.10! No way in the U.S.A. Another example of where Greece might help alleviate its financial problem. Increase substantially the cigarette tax.

There is a Chora on Amorgos. You will recall there was one in Mykonos. Chora is also referred to as Hora. It means old place. The old places on most islands are federally protected in Greece. Much like our historical buildings.

The Chora here is a large number of buildings constructed during the middle ages. Most at least 1,000 years old. Typically Grecian. One to 3 stories. Small terraces. White. Blue trimming. Narrow walkway, 3-4 feet wide.

Whereas Mykonos’ Chora was full of people, stores, bars and restaurants, the one on Amorgos appeared deserted. I saw no more than a dozen visitors.

Every 200-300 feet there is a restaurant or coffee house. Few or no customers.

Stairs. To the sky! Just what I love! Steps everywhere. Up, up and more up! Each one a stress test for me.

Chora was six miles away. On the top of a hill. The cab ride was straight up. The return trip straight down. How these cars do it, I will never understand. I consider it physically impossible for a car to keep its wheels on the road under such conditions.

Somewhere along the way yesterday, I found out what the windmills were for. There are many here as on Mykonos.

Olives were and still are big. The windmills were used to crush the olives. Where there were vine yards, the grapes were likewise crushed by the windmills.

Last night the wind returned. Cold. Very cold. I had to wear a sweat shirt.

I had a late dinner. At Demetrius’. After dinner there the night before, I could eat nowhere else. I was not disappointed.

Eggplant is big here. I had a warm appetizer of eggplant, tomatoes and onions. All cut up and cooked together. To die for!

My entre surpassed everything! My friends in Utica will especially enjoy that which I am about to share. I had lamb chops. Thin. The bone intact, not cut from the chop’s body. Fatty and juicy.

Just like Pelletieri Joe’s.

I got up with the sun this morning. Walked down the road a bit to buy coffee, a loaf of hot bread and butter. Then back to the cottage and my terrace. I watched the sun and water move a bit. Nothing else.

A bit later I was playing around with my tablet. A very lovely young lady walked by. Ann. Swiss. 18. Blond hair. Trim body. White blouse. Short jeans.

We talked. She was back packing it. Was looking for a cheap place to stay. Elini’s was too expensive for her. She moved on to continue her quest.

By the way, I think Elini’s is dirt cheap. Everything on this island costs next to nothing. For example, my dinner last night cost 11 euros. About $14 American money. Tip built in. Tip is 16 per cent of a bill.

I had another visitor while sitting outside.

I heard clinging bells. Saw nothing. Got up and looked over the terrace wall. There were three ducks walking along. Each had a bell around its neck. Looked like a family. Two big ones, one little one. Obviously house pets out for a stroll.

I have no idea at this point what today will bring. Maybe a trip to the monastery. Maybe nothing.

Enjoy your day!

  THE INCREASED COST OF FOOD NOT WHAT YOU THINK was originally published on Key West Lou

[troubleblurose-blog]

My Dumbass 5SOS Experiance // Part Uno

I know exactly what you’re thinking. I know, because well, I am one of you. The 5SOSFam that is; I made it sound like we’re our own separate alien race. But look at the people we stan... It makes a little too much sense, doesn’t it? Not even a paragraph in, and I’m already unraveling a conspiracy theory like Shane Dawson. You know him- “You look so fucking something, in my underwear while she wearing them! There’s my poop stain, on her butt.” Yeah, that funny motherfucker. 

You’re probably thinking- ‘Oh, just another fan who really wants the same thing I do.’

I’m not gonna pretend, or lie to make my situation seem special. You’re fucking right, that is exactly who I am. We all have our bumps in the road, after all, we’re all human. Or aliens, I don’t really know anymore. It’s not only science that has gone too far at this point, I am now a contributing factor to the random things that make you question what the fuck this world is becoming.

I’m not about to level with you, or give you a sob story. It could seem that way, but every detail I write is a detail I wouldn’t ever erase. Every problem I’ve encountered, or dumb ass decision I’ve written is something that made me the well rounded person I am today. These are past events, though I am currently handling some of the debris of them. I’m still coping with illness, and things like that. When I write these events, just know, while they are awful I am used to them. That sounds bad, but I don’t know any different. They do hurt greatly at times, but that’s just building more character and strength in the end. 

-Trigger/Graphic Event Warning-

Let’s start out simple and #relatable; I struggle(d) with:

Bi-Polar Depression (Mood swings between extremely jolly, and devastatingly upset.) 

Anxiety (Having a hard time staying composed in times of little stress, or in many social situations.) 

Insomnia (Getting little to no sleep/getting no well-rested sleep at night.) 

Self-Harm (Hurting yourself in ways such as eating disorders, or various forms of mutilation.)

Suicide (Trying to end your own life.)

Those are the things this is somewhat covering, but by no means are they the point I’m trying to make. They aren’t what make up me, and they aren’t what make up this letter. 

To understand the substance of the seemingly overused words on your screen, you need to know a bit about who I am first. Otherwise this could seem like every generic fanfiction. You know what I’m talking about. Eyes are always called orbs. Every meeting involves someone spilling something on someone else. Dicks are always refferred to as members. Calum is usually an asshole with a tragic life story. Mikey is usually a bad boy; who gets a soft spot for the main girl for some unknown reason. Ashton is either super sweet in his old dad way, or a complete arrogant prick. Luke, well he always bounces between popular and nerdy often. Have I made my point?

I’m gonna get relatable again when I say, there isn’t a lot I’m good at. When I am good at something, it has no use in my daily life. I can’t divide fractions, but I can hit every note in guitar hero. I can’t socially interact, but I can make bomb-ass Turkey Bacon Cojacks. I don’t know where all the states are, but I can rap Migrane. My skills are only useful to me, basically. My point being, I was practically useless in class. When I was staying home from school on the normal, from avoiding my problems and lack of motivation, I felt so useless. Like as useless as a newspaper is to a teenager. 

We all have some activity that makes us feel important, though. To Donald Trump, it’s putting down anyone who isn’t a straight white male. To Bo Burnham, it’s making people laugh with his odd perspective and unique means of comedy. Me? It’s always been when I’m on stage. I love hearing my voice being amplified to bring together people from all walks of life. When I’m writing lyrics, I feel like every syllable can make a difference in someone’s life. There’s just something thrilling about worrying you’ll sing the wrong lyric, and doing so because you were worrying about it. 

I’m not gonna say this was always my passion; when I was younger I made a very motivational speech about wanting to be a mermaid. “I WILL be a mermaid, and I WILL live under the sea.” If you think that’s odd, I know of a kid who wanted to be a trash compactor. After I discovered I couldn’t grow a tail, and I ended up not being a fan of swimming in a casino, I wanted to preform. That’s been my dream since I can remember. I’ve always been pretty witty, like I’d have to leave my wit behind   before boarding a plane it’s so sharp. I learned I get more happiness when making others smile, than I do by making myself smile.

A stage is the one place I’m not useless, and being a musician is what I was born to do. I will look anyone in the eye and tell them I'm gonna be so famous one day, because that's exactly what I believe. I know I'm not where I want to be, so it's as simple as I'm gonna move. You need to remember that the only way you can fail is if you give up. It's pretty annoying how bad I am at that. I don't only try to achieve my goals, I try to over-achieve them. I live off my intuition, I'm definitely the ride-or-die type of person in EVERYTHING I do. Making a fool of myself? I'll record it so people can hold it against me for the rest of my life. Dissapointing my parents? Well I am going to Uni for music with no back up plan. Meet 5sos? Well... That's where this fiasco begins.

Welcome to the jungle my fellow fam.

Let’s go back to the first weekend of May 2017. Yes, I really did start this journey on a weekend in May. Yes, I really did it just so I can make that reference. Maybe I started a bit before that, but I committed to it on that first Saturday. At that time I had been in the fam for a couple of months, and  I did go through the phase when I couldn’t tell Lucifer and Ashtonio apart. I however didn’t assume Calcium was Asian, I assumed he was Hispanic. I mean have you seen the ‘Hey Everybody!’ video? That was rhetorical, of course you have. He walked dogs, he was practically Ceasar911! 

Well at this time I was still self-harming, I was still suicidal, and music is very influential to me. I tend to form bonds with songs because music tends to be my main comfort. Music has always been there when no one ever was. There's just such an intense bond for me, with listening and creating it. When I write I don't just think about lyrics, I can hear the chord progressions and melodies. Unfortunately I don't have enough experience with intstruments yet to share the finished product of my own music. 

With 5SOS however, that connection was a lot different. I  appreciate the artists always, though I never tend to feel anything more than that. I didn't feel that at all, I felt a boner. I'm kidding, I just really wanted to say that. Usually with musicians, since I am a fellow musican, I tend to idolize the ones who make music I enjoy. Yes, I know I'm stating the obvious. The thing is, after the whole initiation of binging keeks, interviews, funny moments, and the movie- I didn't once feel like they were above me in any way. Not even in a sexual dream  enduced by falling asleep to Aerosmith. No, that wasn't too specific of a scenario.

They just made me feel understood in a way no one has. Not just because I'm so proud about being a gigantic dork. We were in the same boat, we had the same oar, we wanted  to get to the same island that appearantly no one has heard of, we had the same belief that it exists, and the same thing  about not being satisfyed with any of the millions of already existing islands. That was quite the metaphor, hehe. It's chalked down to similar situations, interests, humor, personalities, and  impeccable music taste. It could also be that we are close in age, but then I'd be connected to millions of other people. That doesn't sound possible for me at the moment, but wait a couple years.

So I was chilling, laughing at Calcium crossing the border with his homie Mike, when I had the thought- What if I met them? In my mind, I thought there would be at least a year before they come to Illinois again, so I had time to save money. It became a goal for me, one I was quite sure would never happen. As we discussed, I'm an over achiever with all of my goals. So what did I do? Well it would be so easy to say I wrote each of them a letter. I can't do anything that simple, I'm far too creative for that simplicity. 

From then to now, in almost a years time, so much happened from there. I met one of my closest friends who happens to be an Aussie; all because of a 5sos meme post, and her lack of ability to use Instagram properly. My family fell apart, and I'm not keen on going into detail. Let's just say I've gotten to consider the 5SOSFam as my only real family. I love you guys, you're a wonderful group of humans with a trail mix variety of nuts. Thank you for existing, and for reading this far. 

Over the time I worked, I wrote and drafted maybe 500 different letters? As of late, I actually haven't gotten any letters finished. I made 4 bracelets, not a giant accomplishment. I'm 4/5 the way done with a poster I designed for Calcium. I made Lucas a fetus 5SOS wooden box, and a 5SOS money jar. I wrote Mikey a novel about him as a superhero, with a fan-art for it. That's kind of big actually cause I've never finished writing a longer story before. There's more things, but I don't want to get too technical with it.

I think I have to say the thing that I put most my effort in was a large journal for Ashton. That's because it's filled with art, tumblr posts, and lyrics. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to all of those things. At this point it has some holes because I've drafted the entire 100 or 200 pages over at least 8 different times. Nothing in it is original to the day I started, I made so many mistakes early 2017 for myself and that journal. I was working on the journal when I decided to attempt suicide for the second time.

It's completely crazy, but I've been through a lot with that journal. All of that started with the smallest idea. From the time I started to right now, I've changed so fucking much. I know how to handle my illness, I'm clean of self-harm, I lost a family and gained a new one, I failed at dying and learned how to live, I made an amazing friend, I got closer with my already existing amazing friend, I got a drum-kit, I somehow became a good lyricist, I found my music sound, my singing voice matured unbelievably, I got and lost pets, I got and lost relationships, I'm now in Uni, I'm more independent... I'm finally at the point where I can believe it does in fact get better.

That seems crazy given I've gone through more in 2017-2018 than I did when I came out about my depression, but maybe that's because I know how to spin it. I know how to handle life. Now everytime I'm scared to do something, I do it. Cause that is how you live, that's how you write, that's how you learn. I wouldn't recognize myself. I've gone from broken, bullied, and suicidal to seeing the beauty in my missing pieces, realizing I deserve better, and actually getting out of bed.

I think it might be because of the journal... 

Hear me out, hear me out. I'm not saying it made me who I am, there's a difference between knowing and believing. Just like the difference between reading and comprehending. The difference between seeing and feeling. When I started that I could only talk the talk. Hell, when I started I had a case of putting them on a pedestal. It was never intentional, at the time I didn't even think I was worth anything. Now I see them as equals in most ways, cause when I see them be how they are I feel like I belong somewhere. I mean, I've always strayed from the majority just because I'd rather be myself and be disliked than be liked for being someone I'm not. I never saw the appeal in fitting in other than having someone to sit with at lunch. I didn't need to belong, even though it would have been nice to feel at home somewhere.

That's what I got when I found the dorks. I don't have to play a part to feel like I belong around them. I can be me, and still feel like I fit in. Not conformity, but genuine compatibility. Before them I was made fun of for being weird. I was made fun of for having my own style, for the song references no one understood, for how much I giggle. I was made fun of for my a many ambitious, none of which being realistic. But I still do all of these things. I still sing louder than everyone else. I still air drum and head bang to songs like Careless Whisper because it's really funny in contrast. I still play games, randomly balance objects on my head, dance in public because I don't give a shit about what people think when I'm having fun. 5SOS just helped me realize that girl who I wished I wasn't for most of my life, is actually the only person I'd ever want to be. Unless I could be Will Smith as Deadpool, then I immediately trash my last statement. 

This is gonna get a bit heavy for a moment, but during that last attempt, as I was losing life I was legit thinking about them. How messed up is that? My life was so shitty my dying thoughts were about four idiots from Sydney. But that's how it was, they were my coping skill. I couldn't hold onto life for me after that, so I held on for them. Not because they'd know the difference if I was gone, let's be real, they wouldn't. If they knew of me then maybe, but I was so low on life's food chain at that point. I held onto the idea of making this epic stuff, and handing it to them. 

I'm not even done with the journal!

I had a history of putting too much of myself into things and then being let down and loosing that part of me. So I don't do it, but it became something I did without realizing it. I don't know what I thought would happen. Maybe they'd like who I was, and would want to have a conversation. Maybe I'd be thrown into the fanfic life and get to hang out. Like a beach bonfire filled with laughter, various awesome people, classic rock, teasing, and knowing me, lots of dick jokes accompanying many innuendos. Maybe I'd end up in LA, and get signed to a rock label. I know I'm saying it like it's simple, trust me, I know all too well the effort it takes.

I gained some real maturity, and became even more well rounded. Though I was always the mature one who made a few mistakes here and there. That's one of the reasons I didn't fit in, I was like a 30 year old when I was 13. I'm not gonna say it wouldn't be cool to end up being their home diggle, but now I'm living for me. I saved myself, and they influenced me to. They leant me a helping hand. It would be epic to chill, or to collab on a song. Hell, if I got an opportunity to get signed to Hi or Hey I'd take it in a heartbeat. A small part of it is because I think the dorks are cool in their own odd way, but mostly because the company itself is an awesome fit for me. It produces the same sound I'd like to make, and it sends the same message-

[thehumansymphony]

I spent a glorious 16 hours with Todd this weekend

I’ve been so bad about keeping up with these stories I’m so sorry. I am a disaster of a human. 

This is fucking long so it’s going under a cut.

So this spring I’m back to singing in the Community Chorus as well as the Civic Chorale. The slightly stressful part about this is that we had rehearsals start on January 8th for the Unity concert we did last Saturday the 27th.

Earlier this week, Todd and I decided that we'd do what we did for last year's Unity Concert (minus my sprained knee that I shouldn't have performed with)::

I'd meet him at his house and we'd go together to our 9am dress rehearsal. When that was done (scheduled for around 12pm) we'd go out to the Civic Chorale's music library to assemble folders for me to distribute on Tuesday. Then a quick lunch (provided there's enough time for more than a quick snack) on the way back to Todd's house where we would print all the tickets to be left at Will Call. Then Todd would get in his tux and we'd leave for the concert hall, aiming to be there to set up the box office at least 30 minutes before it's set to open at 6. 7:30 concert, then out for a celebratory drink.

It was going to be a long day.

So we decided that Todd wasn't going to do ticket sales before our dress rehearsal on Saturday morning so we didn't have to be there terribly early. I got to his house around 8:20 and we were planning to leave around 8:30. As typically happens, Todd was running just a wee bit behind. His mom was cooking him some oatmeal when he opened the door for me.

I love watching Dottie be maternal. I just love her so much in general. She dished up some of the oatmeal and shoved it at Todd, followed by a thing of cinnamon and some milk. And then she sat and talked to me while he scarfed his breakfast down. She was so sad to hear that I wasn't working anymore but she was excited about my going back to school for a bit. When Todd went to put his empty bowl in the sink she nagged him to take a vitamin. And then she nagged both of us about not having gotten flu shots yet. She joked that she’d call the clinic where she’d gotten her flu shot and then give us the hours and I almost responded “yes Mother”.

Finally we were on our way. Our drive to the concert hall was pretty quiet- it was waaaaay too early for conversations and neither of us are morning people- thought we we both humming and warming ourselves up a bit.

Dress Rehearsal went very very smoothly. We ran through both of the pieces we were doing and Dr Thomas was, to everyone's surprise, incredibly pleased. He let us go early at 10:15.

Todd and I had recruited our friend Donna to meet us out at TCC and help us do folders and the three of us all have very twisted humor and we were all cracking up the whole time we were working. At one point I’d taken my glasses off because the Rx is very out-of-date and it bothers me sometimes. But I was trying to write something on a sticky note with a Sharpie marker so I was holding it very close to my face. I inhaled a little to much and started making faces. Todd teased me, asking if I was trying to get high on the fumes. Donna scoffed and called me an amateur which got us all laughing.

[A slightly less-great thing is that evidently Todd’s ex (Who I will be referring to as K** because I’m just not comfortable posting her name?) has finally made good on what she’s been saying for years and she is singing with Community Chorus this semester as well. I know she also wants to come back to Chorale so I’m surprised I haven’t seen her there yet. But my theory is that, with there being 200-300 singers in Community Chorus, she can kind of fly more under the radar than in a small group like Chorale. I don’t really know what she looks like so I wouldn’t have recognized her being there. But Todd was saying to  Donna that “apparently my ex finally made it to a dress rehearsal this morning”. And Donna kind of made a face and she asked him some questions very quietly while I tried to make myself busy because I still feel weird getting to hear about this girl. (I know that Todd really never wanted people to find out about things after they’d broken up but she’d gone against his wishes and I ended up seeing things. And he’s given me permission to be part of these conversations but it still just doesn’t feel right.) But she asked him if he was going to talk to anyone about her being back and he said that there wasn’t really any point because unless she tries to start something there’s no good reason for him to do anything. Which honestly kind of kills me a bit because I just feel so protective of him where K** is involved.]

Since we haven't gotten all of our music in yet and we had an extra hand  with the folders, we ended up totally done by about 12:30. And we weren’t entirely sure what to do with the extra time. Todd and I decided we'd take Donna out to lunch so we met her at this sandwich place about halfway between her house and Todd's. It wasn't half bad, though I did end up with way too much food for my first meal of the day but I have no regrets. The three of us spent about an hour brainstorming songs we could put small groups together for in the summer when Chorale does music from the 70s. There are so many really great options, we're having such a hard time narrowing it down. The one downside I've found to being a music nerd.

When we were leaving lunch, Donna said she was going to go home and get a nap in the 5 hours before she had to be back in our warm-up room at 7. Todd and I both made a face at her and said we were heading back to his house to work on box office stuff.

Dottie called while we were driving to say she was at the store and to ask about what we wanted her to make us for dinner, if anything, before we had to leave for the concert. Which was SUPER sweet of her and once again I would like for her to adopt me. We declined her dinner offer since we had just had lunch and it was much more filling than we were expecting. And neither of us like singing on a really full stomach.

So we make it back to his house and we basically take over their entire living room. Todd unpacks one of the box office computers, a ticket printer and some ticket stock and sets them on the coffee table by the couch. He sets the 3 cords we need down on the table and runs to grab his other bag of ticketing stuff to find the Will Call box. While he’s out of the room I hooked the computer up to the printer and got the ticket stock ready to feed (he showed me how to set everything up on Thursday night) and then he came back in and plugged both the computer and the printer into a power source. I flipped the printer on and waited for it to accept the ticket stock. Which it did, hooray! Todd got down on the floor in front of the laptop while I chilled on the couch and waited to be useful.

When he sits crossed-legged he crosses his legs backwards (opposite?) to how everyone else I know would sit (I’m used to crossing right leg under left, tucking left foot under right knee. He sat with his right foot over his left knee.) And I know he doesn’t do it without thinking- he did it a few months ago when we were in Atlanta just to see if he still could and I teased that he looked like one of those meditating monk statues. So he does it sometimes to make me laugh.

He managed to pull up the ticketing system and he’s trying to sort out the Will Call orders and queue them for printing and I heard a soft “what the Fuck”. I looked at him and he goes “there’s only 18 tickets.” “.....18 tickets?? You don’t mean orders?” “Nope. Tickets.”

The printer kicked into gear and 2 Minutes later all of the tickets had printed out. Todd asked if I wanted to write the names on the envelopes or pull tickets. I suggested he do the writing since he had much nicer handwriting (“yeah five years of architecture school seems to beat bad penmanship out of you...”) and I would do the tearing and folding. We were done in like 10 Minutes and it was only 3 pm. We had 2 hours before we were planning to leave. And Todd was starting to panic about how few Will Call orders there were and I'm trying to be at least somewhat helpful.

"So How many print-at-home tickets were there?" "Uhm... 252? Why- Oh no...." *trying not to laugh* "What? I haven't said it yet." "Were you going to?" "Going to suggest that we print all of those tickets? Me? After last time? Would I do such a thing?" "YES!” "Fair enough.... Just.. Take a few minutes and think about it. Text Jan (president of Community Chorus) and see what she says?"

So he texted Jan and asked her what she thought about ticket sales. One of the pieces we were doing was a world premiere of a song composed by a professor at FAMU and he would be at the concert so Jan thought that a good number of his students would show up and add to the number of walk-up ticket sales. And now Todd was Really Worried about people forgetting to bring their emailed tickets with them and needing a reprint which holds up the box office so badly. So Todd looks back at me and goes "I'm going to hate myself for this but I think we may need to go ahead and print them." "Okay. We can manage. We have plenty of extra time and I find this task absurdly fun. It'll be fine."

So he cued up all 252 tickets to print and finally they started spewing out of the printer. He, still sitting cross-legged on the floor, grabbed his feet and wiggled himself two feet to his right to catch the tickets as they printed and guide them onto the floor. I kept the ticket stock going in straight and tried to keep the mess of wires we had on the table from interfering. After about 8 minutes of printing we started running out of stock.

"Uhm. Todd. There's like 10 tickets left here I think we need more..." He looked up right as the last ticket got spat out. "SHIT shit shit shit shit shit" He tried to stand up too quickly and his legs were still crossed so he just flopped over like an egg. He managed to get on his feet and ran back to his bag with the other block of ticket stock and then ran back to me in the living room, muttering "shit shit shit" the whole time. I managed to not laugh though I'm not sure how. We get the extra stock into the printer and it spits out like 5 more tickets. Very anticlimactic. We just stared at it, then looked at each other, and then cracked up.

His dad was upstairs trying to watch college basket ball and I could hear him start grumbling because we were a bit hysterical

So i started tearing and folding and alphabetizing the ticket orders while Todd ran upstairs to see if he could find some paper clips or something to contain the tickets. He found a large box with alphabetized tabs so he started sorting the tickets as I folded the orders and handed them to him. It took us like 30 minutes to get them all put away.

But we work well as a team. We fall into  rhythm easily and we don't have to talk to get things done.

I think it was about 4:15 when we finished.

I helped Todd unplug and pack everything back into the box office bags. We were examining the remaining ticket stock before we put it away and he asked if I thought it would be enough. "I don't know. How many tickets are you expecting to sell tonight?" "Well we rarely have more than 100 walk-ups." "Okay and how many tickets do you think you're holding there?" "Probably about.... 150? Maybe?" "......I think you should aim to be optimistic and pack another thing of stock. After all, Jan thinks we'll have more than usual with Dr. Butler's students. And sales for this concert aren't exactly following the normal pattern."

Todd was quiet for a moment and then started nodding. "You're right. Of course you're right. Good call." "I'm sorry, can you say that again? I've never heard that before and I'd like to memorize how it sounds." He tossed a wad of paper at me.

So we sat and just chilled for a few minutes while we had time. Todd got a text from our friend Chris inviting Todd (he didn't know I was with Todd all day) to go to dinner following the concert and gave Todd a plus one. Not a huge deal as they go out after most concerts but normally it's a last minute decision and Chris wanted to go ahead and make a reservation. So Todd RSVPed for the two of us.

About 4:30 Todd went upstairs to put on his tux and I tried to not fall asleep on his couch.

He came downstairs about 20 minutes later and mostly put together. His bowtie wasn't fastened and his cummerbund was hanging with his jacket on a hanger. Not quite as attractive as full tuxedo but there's still something kinda nice about that look.

Todd had this silly grin on his face and he pulled something out of his jacket's inner pocket and ran to the kitchen to fill it up. His mom, who'd been home about an hour by then and had been watching basketball upstairs with Jon, came down to get a snack and a drink and found Todd in the kitchen.

At this moment I didn't know what he'd taken in there but I head his mom asking what he'd filled "it" with.

"Just water." "Are you sure it's just water?" "Yes! look!" *there was a little splash of liquid. "Well it's definitely clear. But we have plenty of clear liquids that aren't water around here. (*Todd giggles*) Let me see that." There was a pause and then Dottie says, with an almost disappointed tone, "oh. it is just water." Todd cracks up in the kitchen and I'm trying to not die laughing on the couch. He comes back into the living room and I gave him a look and he shows me that he's got the flask he bought when we went to the Dali museum in St. Petersburg last summer.

We were ready to leave just before 5, miraculously, though Todd did forget to move his keys from his jeans pocket to his tux pants when he changed. So there was one slight delay. But we had an easy drive out to the concert hall and it took like 10 minutes for Todd and the box office staff to get everything set up and he ended up with over an hour with nothing he needed to do. He was pacing in a circle looking so lost. It was adorable and I couldn't help but laugh a little.

I was sitting on a bench in the lobby next to a wall outlet trying to charge my phone. So I got his attention and offered him the space next to me on the bench. He came and sat down but still looked out of place. "You're not used to free time before concerts, are you?" "....That obvious?" "Maybe just a bit."

I changed into my dress around 6:15 and brushed my hair and did some minimal makeup. I came back to the box office about 20 minutes later, set my things with Todd's behind the counter, and went to sit back with Todd for a few minutes before we decided to go down to our warm-up room for our call time.

We kind of hid ourselves in the back of the room in a corner. We chatted with some other singers as they trickled in and I helped some other new girls put on the pins we were given- It's the Chorus' 30th concert season so all of the singers are getting commemorative pins to wear. Finally the assistant conductors arrived and started our warm ups and Dr Thomas came in to give us a short little motivational talk.

He told us that sometimes, as artists, there comes a point where you just have to make the decision to let go and become the music. This concert was called "Sing for Joy!" for the line in our featured work: Sing for joy, dance in gladness. Shout for joy, all the earth!

He told us to find our joy in the music and let it fill us. Because then, hopefully, it would also fill our audience.

And then everyone started to mosey up to the backstage area to do our final checks of how our hair was and how our dresses fitted and if the tuxes were all right.

And as we were walking towards to door to get to the backstage stairs, we passed Jan who was talking to a young woman that I hadn't really seen before. And I heard Jan happily exclaiming “Oh YAY, K**’S BACK!" And Todd, who was on my left- the side closest to Jan- quickly glanced that way and started going "Oh fuuuuck fuck fuck" under his breath. So I know what his ex looks like now.

I slowed my pace slightly so Todd could get a step ahead of me and I swooped around to be on his other side so I was between him and K** and hopefully kind of blocking them from each other and we walked just a little bit quicker as we left the room. I started talking to him about some random thing that I can't even remember now- I was just trying to occupy his attention because I figured it would help to deter her from trying to catch up to him for any reason if she’d seen him.

We got backstage and peeked around the curtain to see if anyone had been brave enough to be the first person to wonder on stage yet. They hadn't. So we decided to give it another few moments.

Right before we went on I noticed that his bowtie was trying to hide under his shirt collar and I gestured to see if he wanted me to fix it. He stood straighter and lifted his chin up to give me access to it. So I tucked the wings of the collar back under the tie and straightened everything out.

And for some reason I then ran my hands slowly across his shoulders like I was trying to smooth out his jacket- which didn't need help- and just held his shoulders for a second while we made eye contact and just smiled at each other and then nodded for… some reason… I put my hands down gestured to the stage. "Shall we?" He grinned at me and nodded. "Once more unto the breech dear friend!"

**Side note- A pretty good sign that todd's pretty damn special is that I can actually make and hold eye contact with him. Direct eye contact for more than about 2 seconds makes me ridiculously uncomfortable most of the time. But I can sit and hold eye contact with Todd for a while when we talk and it's never a problem.

So we got on stage and found our seats. I found my cousins (who had driven down from Atlanta) in the audience and leaned over to whisper into Todd’s ear. "Okay, I know we technically aren't supposed to wave to people so if you don't want to be a witness look away now." He laughed and we caught Scott and Robin's attention and we both waved at them.

The concert itself went SO WELL!!!! It was crazy!!!!

The main piece we did (Dan Forrest’s Jubilate Deo, seriously check it out!) was in 7 languages: Latin, English, Arabic, Hebrew, Mandarin Chinese, Spanish, and Zulu. Todd and I were already swaying to the music together as we sang but when we got to the Zulu part- middle of the piece and ridiculously upbeat- EVERYONE was dancing a little on the risers. I moved so much my legs are still cramping up. We finished the concert and everyone was grinning so much.

Our audience, which was smaller than usual, was cheering and applauding so much it sounded like we had a full house.

Dr Thomas came back out and we did an encore of the last few pages of the piece and the audience went crazy AGAIN! There was so much energy in that room

I couldn't stop smiling and laughing as Todd and I waited for our row to clear out a bit so we could leave. I was practically bouncing as I walked down the risers and I managed to only trip over my dress once in the process.

Unfortunately, Todd had to be a nice guy and he stopped a few risers down to let a couple of ladies out in front of him so he got off stage about a minute after I did.

I say "unfortunately" because K** was two rows behind us and was one of the last to try to exit the risers. When i saw Todd finally get back stage K** and Chris were right with him.

Todd looked like he was very determined to not even breathe in her general direction so I went over as quickly as my now-shaking legs would carry me and got him talking in a little corner of the back stage area while Chris kept talking to K** and walked towards the stairs that went down to the warm-up room where people left their stuff. She went with him, thankfully, since they were still talking. I'm not sure if that was intentional on Chris' part honestly but I was glad for it.

[The people that were in Chorale and Chorus that know who K** is and what happened with her and Todd are all so thrilled to see her and excited and I know it bothers Todd at least a little bit. I know he doesn't want to make a fuss about her being, back but I wish -hope?- that at least some of them would be protective of him instead of her?

When i finally managed to cut ties with a manipulative and abusive "friend" last year, the people that we both knew also cut their ties with her to support me and kept an eye out for me. Todd was one of them.

So it kind of baffles me that his friends that know how badly he'd been effected by this girl would still be so happy to see her and welcome her back so enthusiastically?????

but whatever. I'll be a protective mother hen by myself if I have to.]

But Todd and I went out to the Lobby and met our adoring public. My cousins found us and Robin ran over to give me a massive hug. She let go when Scott caught up to her and he gave me a hug while Robin realized I was standing next to Todd and she excitedly gave him a big hug too. Scott, being a Macho Man, just awkwardly shook his hand. Robin was hilarious. She looked Todd up and down and just blurted "Wow you've really cleaned up since the last time we saw you!" The four of us talked for about 10 minutes while people shuffled around the lobby meeting with their friends and family and congratulating any singer they came across. Some of my Chorale friends wandered over to say goodnight to me and Todd and I introduced them to Scott and Robin too before they left to get back to their hotel room.

We let the lobby empty and then went back over to the box office stuff to pack  up the ticketing things and grab our bags. I felt a little big bad because I was carrying my tote bag and Todd's and he was wheeling this suitcase-like bag with the tickets, computers, and printers and such and normally I would walk ahead of him and get the doors but I was also having to lift my skirt up so I didn't fall down two flights of stairs so he was kind of on his own trying to get out of the building.

We were still both so giddy as we drove out to the restaurant that Chris had picked out. I was half asleep but we were both humming parts of the Jubilate to each other.

We got to the restaurant and found parking and as we were walking to the door, Jan drove passed us. So we decided we'd stand out and wait for her to give "Madame President" a proper escort in. So Todd was reading something on his phone and I, being totally in love with space, was looking at the moon shining through the clouds.

The clouds started clearing as I watched and I could see Orion. And from there I was able to find Sirius and the Canus constellations. I'm sure I looked like a lunatic but Todd's never judged me for my nerdiness. At least, not when it comes to space.

Jan caught up to us and we all went in to the restaurant and joined the rest of our people at a long table. There were 9 of us which wasn't the most ideal seating arrangement- there was a cluster of four people at each end of the table that were talking amongst themselves while I was kind of in the middle not really participating in either conversation. I didn't mind too much- I was so tired and my voice was shredded and I don't know the Community Chorus people as well as I know the Chorale so I'm still trying to find my footing with them sometimes. But I was between Todd and Chris so I definitely wasn't bored.

The Food was great and the drinks were good. Honestly, if our waiter had been a little more on top of things I wouldn't have minded ordering a second cocktail. Though I did have to drive home from Todd's so it was probably best that I didn't...

But it was a lot of fun and I managed to get the whole table laughing a few times which was very gratifying. Around 10:30 the music switched from loud pop music to old malt-shop music that my dad likes to play. A couple of the older ladies at the table and I were having a sing-a-long.

Jan's birthday was last Saturday and we never properly took her out to celebrate. So Chris picked up her bill and called it a belated birthday present and started to sing "Happy Birthday" to her. And slowly the rest of us joined in. And somehow, no one could pick a fucking key and we trudged through the song half laughing because it sounded so god-awful. Jan was crying laughing at us. Chris and I both blamed it on the booze.

When the waiter came back to check if we were ready for our checks, I managed to get his attention and indicate that he should put Todd's on mine. When he came back to hand out everyone's ticket he tried to slip ours between me and Todd. I'm not sure if Todd saw me gesture to the waiter before and he was trying to beat me to it or if he just thought it was his bill but he started reaching for it and i had to snatch it away. Which cracked up Jan and the other ladies at that end of the table. Todd just made this amused stunned face at me and squeaked "okay" as I pulled my card out of my wallet.

We all dispersed a few minutes later. Chris thanked me for helping Todd with the box office things the last couple of days. I told him it was no problem and that I actually enjoyed it. Chris just patted me on the arm going "well, that's okay dear." as if I'd just spilled my drink on him.

We were getting back into his car when Todd pulled his flask out of his pocket and opened it to take a sip. "I promise there really is only water in here!" "I trust you! Did your mom demand to try some to check it?" "Well she seemed satisfied with just giving it a sniff." "I love your family." *giggles*

And then we were back at Todd's which seems to be where our more...intimate encounters happened Saturday.

We'd put everything in his trunk so I was digging though my tote bag trying to find my keys (sing to myself and making Todd laugh) and leaning half into the trunk while Todd pulled his bags out of the trunk and set them on the driveway and then he pulled my computer bag (from our adventures in the music library) out of the trunk.

I was about to say a quick goodnight and head for my truck in the guest parking across the road from his house when I remembered that my sweater was still on the floorboard of his backseat.

**Side note- all day Saturday my things all smelled like Todd. It was great. I fell asleep that night wearing my sweater over my PJs. Not for the scent though it definitely helped me calm down for sleep.

So Todd opened the door to the backseat for me (ridiculously gentlemanly) and I grabbed my sweater and the hanger for his Tux jacket. We closed the car door and he locked the car and went back around to the trunk where he'd set his bags down. But he didn't pick them up and we just stood there smiling at each other, still feeling the high of a fabulous performance. I leaned up against the side of his trunk and we just talked for a little bit.

We joked about different parts of the day and things that Dr Thomas had said and "oh did you hear what so-and-so said at dinner?" I told him what Chris had said when I’d mentioned that I enjoy the box office work and Todd laughed hysterically. Between chuckles he thanked me for helping him out. “If you hadn’t been there to help me I’m not sure what I would have done and things would have been much worse. It’s not the most glamorous thing to do but it is necessary and the help was greatly appreciated.”

And it was so quiet and still in their little neighborhood that I could hear our voices, and our laughs especially, echoing in the night. I felt like anyone in the houses by us would overhear what we were saying. I know they couldn't and it's a ridiculous thought but I couldn't shake it.

Which is probably why i dropped my voice so much when I thanked him for standing with me on the risers. Somehow he ended up being the only Tenor 1 for about 3 rows. He had Tenor 2s in front of and behind him, Baritones on his right and me, an Alto 2, on his left. He was kind of on his own for this concert. And he knew that when we started our dress rehearsals on Thursday. But he never tried to move to be with His People.

And I told him I appreciated getting to sit and sing with him because I've really never gotten that opportunity before (save for the very short little thing we did with our group last summer). It was nice to have at least one friend near me in that sea of 200 people and I really enjoy getting to hear Todd sing.

And that all came spilling out of my mouth and I swear to god he started to glow pink in the darkness He said he really enjoyed sitting and singing with me too. So maybe we'll get to do this again in April.

And then he dropped his voice down low and soft too and he thanked me for buying dinner. "You know you really didn't have to do that." "Yeah I know. But I wanted to."

And he gave me this sweet little smile that I honestly can't describe but I don't think I've ever seen him smile like that for anyone else. I think it gets saved for those soft, close conversations that happen at that point of a night where reality and time cease to exist and everything feels like it's just suspended in space.

That time of night when people seem more likely to talk about Bigger things and be more Honest and really speak their minds and their hearts. It's how the night felt when we were in Tampa and we stayed up until 2:30am quietly talking in our dimly lit hotel room. And that was the same way things felt the night I asked him out. And his voice was soft and gentle then too, when he kept talking to me after he said no because he wanted to make sure I was going to be okay. I don't know if I'm the only one that's ever gotten that smile but I don't think it ever comes out at any other time. Though i don't think he regularly talks to anyone else at such hours of the night.

In the few minutes it took us to have these almost-whispered exchanges we'd somehow- I say somehow because I genuinely don't remember moving my feet- closed the gap between us a lot. There was now only about a foot of space where there had been like 5 or 6 feet.

We talked quietly for a few more minutes, like we were now both paranoid about being overheard by the neighbors.

But we both kept yawning and I tried to be the sensible one for once. "Okay. I have my keys, my phone, and my bags. I'm going to go ahead and head home because it's been a crazy long day. But... Before I leave can I give you a quick hug?"

Todd laughed and dropped his bags back on the ground and held his arms open for me. I was still holding my things with one arm but i wrapped the other around his neck and he wrapped both of his arms around me. I tucked my face into that little corner where his neck met his shoulder and we just stood there like that for a little bit. I just kind of savored the moment as much as I could. I suddenly became aware that I probably was whacking Todd in the face with my hair and I turned my face a little more towards his, still resting my head on his shoulder.

We'd probably been hugging for like almost a minute at that point and neither of us had made a move to let go, just breathing together for the moment while everything was still suspended in time. I half whispered a "Thank you" to him and told him I'd had a really really great time spending the day with him. And he chuckled and I could feel it vibrate in his chest and in his throat against my forehead when he told me he’d been glad to have my company. And his arms tightened around me and I squeezed back. I pulled back slightly then, but still neither of us were trying to let go right then. My cheek was against his now and I could feel his stubble against it. That lasted about 5 seconds before we finally pulled away and took a step back.

Even pulling back seemed to happen in a weird sense of time. There was a moment that I’m sure really only lasted about half a second but it felt like an hour where I was suddenly very aware of just how close we were and just how easy it would have been to kiss him then. Or at least his cheek. It would have been so so easy.

And I think that I could have easily played it off if I had done it. Oh whoops! Sorry, I'm so keyed up from this concert and it's not totally unusual for me to kiss some of my (usually female) friends on the cheek when i hug them, especially when excited. (All true things, though not necessarily honest about motive.) Or a less honest "whoops that wasn't intentional, my face was just too close to yours and things bumped together."

But I didn't. So I didn't have to try to excuse it. Though honestly I do kinda wish that I had.

I've never had a hug like that either. With anyone. Much less a guy and certainly not one I had feelings for. How do I keep having these absurdly intimate moments with Todd?

**Side Note- Before the last year, it was very odd for Todd and I to have any intentional physical contact. Our legs would bump when we sat together at concerts sometimes but that wasn’t exactly avoidable (in most instances). Sometimes he’d give someone a hug when I saw him after a Community Chorus concert (before I’d joined and when I was going mostly to see him sing) and I’d half tease him if anyone in his fanbase could have a hug and he’s laugh and embrace me for a moment. Sometimes he’d look like he was about to hug me but he’d abruptly stop himself. Something about last year changed things. I gave him something for his birthday last March (nothing special- a couple sets of cufflinks that were music themed [he’s been wearing them with his Chorus tux ever since, NBD]) and he excitedly gave me a big hug after he opened them.  We had a slight heart-to-heart after the Chorale’s summer concert because I was thanking Todd for taking a few chances with me and putting so much faith in me. He basically let me run our group and he let me teach him some French because we wanted to be kind of nerdy and he gave me a little bit of the spotlight and featured me on our group’s song. And whenever I had a crisis of confidence about it (which seemed to be like 3 times a week that semester) he always made me feel so much better. And He gave me a huge hug when we were talking then. He gave me a short hug when he dropped me off at my house after we got back from our trip to Tampa last summer. He gave me a massive hug on my birthday and then laughed as I (crying slightly because he gave me a ridiculously thoughtful gift) half tackled him with another hug, thanking him profusely. He tackled me with a hug in November when we got home from the trip we took to Atlanta and a few weeks later after I went to the Chorus’ fall concert. In December he gave me a hug when I took him to dinner after I saw Community Chorus singing in the Seasonal Celebrations concert, again after our Christmas concert in Chorale, and again when we spent some time together just before Christmas and then again when I dropped off his Christmas present (again, nothing special, just a poster for a podcast we like and some chocolates) and another big hug on New Years Eve.

What has happened that suddenly hugs are everywhere?????????

Anyhow, that hug was not the final Moment of the night. We kept talking for a few minutes after. Our friend Helena wants to go out for drinks soon, when do we want to try? And hey, we have Monday night off of rehearsal (Dr. Thomas said it was because we'd worked so hard. Todd and I think that the music hasn't come in yet) What will we do with this free time?

SOMEHOW we started talking about concert attire. I think I'd made a comment about how ridiculously long the skirts are because I kept tripping on my dress. And Todd said that he definitely prefers Chorale's jewel-toned shirts over the more formal attire for Community Chorus. And he gestured at me and said something along the lines of "I know those dresses aren't the most comfortable thing in the world." I responded that they actually weren't that bad, as far as choir dresses go. This one is surprisingly comfortable and not totally hideous. If only I could stop tripping over my skirt.

And then, because I can't fucking keep my mouth shut ever, I kept talking. And I gestured at Todd and just. blurted. "And there is something to be said about you gentlemen in your tuxes." And I saw yet another faint pink glow in the darkness as Todd giggled.

I'm not entirely sure what I had to drink at Dinner but evidently I was feeling rather bold that evening. (On second thought that's a slight lie- there was a bit of tequila in there which may explain some things...)

After that I decided I needed to run home before I embarrassed myself further with Todd or did something I'd end up regretting. So we finally said good night and I walked over to my car and he walked through the gate that leads around to their front door. Though I could see his head peeking over the gate watching me get into my truck and making sure it started okay.

I still couldn't stop smiling my whole drive home. There was something about that hug that just lifted all of my stress away, at least for the rest of that night. I felt so light and so happy. It was great.

I slept through like all but 2 hours of Sunday. Apparently I must have been kind of busy.

So now I’m brainstorming things to get/do for Todd for his birthday in March. And he’s buying a house! He closes on it this Wednesday, though I don’t know when he’s planning to move in. But I want to get him a housewarming gift then. Last we talked about it, he didn’t want to move in until he finishes his ARE Exams. He’s trying to finish getting his full architecture license and there’s 7 exams that he needs to take. He took two a few years ago and passed them. He took another last summer and then one about 2 weeks ago and he passed both of those. So he’s managed to knock 4 of 7 out of the way. He’s starting to study for #5.

I’m ridiculously proud of him you guys.

So to wrap this up I’m going to attach a couple of pictures from our concert. Look how nice we all look! And I finally got to sing next to Todd!!! And thank God the photographer didn’t get pictures of me burying my face in my music trying to read the Arabic pronunciations. 

[clevercatchphrase]

2017 in review, and goals for 2018

If I had to describe 2017 in one word it would be... monotonous. Sure, there were plenty of ups and downs, but for the most part, especially the latter 6 months, I just felt like I was going through the motions, holding my nose to the grind stone, doing work and paying off student loans. 2017 blew by me, and I remember thinking each month passed by with unusal quickness. There's a strange sense of disociation with that, like I wasn't really connected to reality for most of the year, and instead watched it pass me by from a seperate temporal window. In a weird way it may have been a bit of a godsend as well. I hear 2017 was hard for a lot of people, but feeling so disonnected from the year may have protected me and cushioned the blow in a sense.

I lost a family member this year in early june. I knew it was coming ever since january as I hated having to watch them deteriorate and get worse and worse until they finally passed. The three months leading up to it and the three months after were particularly hard and left me feeling unable to write or draw or do anything productive. I still miss them terribly. I always will. But I hope I won't let it immobilize me as much this year as it did last year.

Anyway, Let's review my goals for last year and see what I've accomplished. I’ve a lot to say, so for brevity’s sake I’ve put it all under the cut.

GOALS FOR 2017 1) Finish my 50 billion fan fictions so I can get back to drawing Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha. HAHAHAHAHA. The depression I got halfway through the year throughly put a halt on this. I haven't even finished one of the fics I've started in 2016. I got close, seeing as i participated in NaNoWriMo this year to try and force myself to finish, but I still need to revise and edit all that I've written and the motivation is non existant. GOD, I have so many stories too, all of them still undertale fan fiction because I'm still not over that game. I'll list them all when I share my goals for this year later below. 2)Draw in 2 pages of my sketch book each week so I'll finish a sketch book in a year. I was SO CLOSE with this one! I filled out 95 pages! But you know what i discovered in august? I realized that my 100 page sketch book.... was actually 150 pages! Oh well! I drew more this year than I thought i would! Just because i didn't hit 100 pages, doesn't mean I didn't accomplish something! 3) Finish 14 out of the remaining 27 lessons on my duolingo course I went fucking above and beyond with this one. I hit this goal back in may, and then I completely finished up the danish duolingo course by november. I also passed my 1095 day streak which translates to doing duolingo daily for OVER 3 YEARS STRAIGHT. I still practice daily to build my vocabulary, and I know I can't speak it for the life of me, or follow along with fast speakers, but give me a few minutes and I can probably read it for you. Funny how that works, where I can understand danish if it's written out, but ask me to translate from english to danish and I struggle like a butterfly in a tumble dryer. 4) Become passibly fluent in ASL I have this box of 600 ASL flash cards, and this year I practiced two of them a day until I got through the entire box. I certainly learned a bunch of new words but I wouldn't say I was fluent yet. I certainly don't know all the grammar rules yet. I HAVE been able to sign with people at my job, though I do rely heavily on fingerspelling still. Most everyone I talked with seemed to know I was trying and they seemed really excited that I could understand them if they were patient with me. I put more of my focus on Danish last year, but now that I'm done with Danish, maybe I can focust more on ASL. My sister told me about this site similar to duolingo called "memrise" that actually has an ASL course, so you can bet I'll be looking into that. 5) Read the entire dictionary I did this! I kept two spiral note books and wrote down any words I thought were cool or interesting! I haven't gone back and re-read the words I wrote down, but maybe I will this year! It was exhausting. It was weird. I still can't believe I spent about 200 hours last year doing this. 6) Read one new book every month Much like my sketch book goal, I almost completed this one. I kept it up every month until October, and then I just... stopped. I read more than I thought this year, though I ended up usually waiting until the last week of each month to read, and I also cheated by counting the dictionary as one of the things I read (hey, it's a book, ain't it?) I also re-read old books that I know I like, so not entirely 10 new books were read this year. Reading 1 new book a month isn't one of my goals this year, but I hope to read more new stuff reguardless, 7) Actually use the tutorials and references I reblog Seeing as I barely did any digitial art this year, I can't say I did this one. 8) Do more art streams I think my goal was to stream once a month. I clearly didn't do this. I DID stream in 2017, I just didn't tell anyone. Idk why, I just... went live for people to see but didn't let anyone know I did. I also only streamed like... twice? sigh... So... out of the 8 goals I set, I would say I accomplished close to half. I read the dictionary, I finished my danish language course (which I'm counting as two completed goals) and combining the "read 1 new book a month" and "draw 100 pages in a sketch book" I'll count that as one completed goal. I went through all my ASL cards, though I'm not fluent, OH! I also wanted to pay off 6k loan that I had. I want to count this one as a success because I DID FUCKING PAY OVER 6 THOUSAND DOLLARS IN LOANS THIS YEAR. I got a surprise loan I had no idea about in june that was 1500 dollars, which threw me off. I managed to pay it off in 2 months, BUT IF THAT LOAN HAD NEVER EXISTED I TOTALLY WOULD HAVE FINISHED PAYING OFF THE 6K ONE. I've got a little over a thousand left to pay on the 6k loan now, which I will complete by the end of January. I'm so close to being under 10k in debt... GOALS FOR 2018 1)Go from being 5 figures in student loan debt down to 4 figures in debt (pay off 2 out of 4 loans) If everything goes according to Keikaku I'll achieve this by the end of June. This has to factor in things like updating my car registration in april, oil changes, tune ups, tire rotation, gas and food expenses, but as long as I don't get fired I should be fine! 2) Stretch Daily Not exercise. I never exercise. But it would be nice to increase my flexibility. 3) STOP TOUCHING YOUR GODDAMN FACE/ find an effective acne treatment I also want to try washing my face daily. Im fucking 25. I shouldn't have this many pimples. 4) Do another song comic I made A lyrictale for Undertale at the end of 2015 in ten days. I want to make another. I already have it scripted, now I just need to do it. 5) Do at least one art stream a month. Hey, maybe I can stream the next song comic I do. Sure, it'd spoil the song and story for everyone, but doesn't that sound fun? 6)Practice ASL I just started looking into Memrise and their ASL courses. They actually have A LOT, AND! THEY HAVE SIGN LANGUAGE COURSES FOR OTHER COUNTRIES! This year is gonna be fun. (Also, the only reason I want to learn ASL because of Undertale. I'll let you figure out how they are connected) 7) Sew 4 stuffed animals I started sewwing a Hobbes plush in the middle of last year. His body is finished. I just never did the head. The other three stuffed animals I want to make I will keep a secret because I love to keep people guessing. 8) Make two AMVs There are two songs I want to put to Avatar; The Last Airbender, and Avatar; The Legend of Korra. I have about half the footage... I just... need to rewatch the shows and put the clips together. Hey, maybe after I find all the clips I can do a stream of that as well. 9) Last but not least, finish my many, MANY Undertale Fan Fics. a. You Monster (34 out of 37 chapters are written, but only 29 are posted) b. Finish the "Of Two Minds" series (it's explicit don't look) c. Color Theory (A chasriel one shot) d. Something Left Behind (Terrible AU Idea #647) e. Let's Get Real (Self insert, joke, parody thing that will also be explicit) f. Game Day! (something about soccer games with Mettaton along the same vain as Field Trip!) g. Would You Like Fries With That (Nicepants because there's not enough of it in the world) h. Science Fair! (something with Undyne and school projects along the same vain as Field Trip!) i. One that is so horribly dark and fucked that I won't even describe it here. Welp! Those are my goals for 2018! What are your goals for 2018? Whatever they are, I wish you success and improvement, health and wealth! Stay safe this year! I love you all~

[flauntpage]

Phillies Betting Preview: Let’s Get Weird?

How you look at the Phillies this morning is all a matter of perspective. Maybe you are disappointed that a team which dusted the Atlanta Braves in a convincing three-game sweep to open the season back in March currently sits 5.5 games back in the NL East.

I mean, that opening weekend at Citizens Bank Park feels like forever ago, doesn’t it?

Bryce Harper's first homer in a Phillies uni was a ROCKET

(via @Phillies) pic.twitter.com/cu476JYSbf

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) March 30, 2019

Anything felt possible then – 100 wins, 40 Bryce Harper homers, a division title for the first time since the 2011 season. Obviously, things haven’t played out that way. The Braves shook off their sluggish start and have since surged to the top of the division standings. But, like I said, how you view the Phillies is all a matter of perspective.

Back On July 15, the Dodgers blew the doors off the Phillies, 16-2, sinking them to 9.5 games back of Atlanta. Fast forward 10 days, the Phillies have won six of their last eight and now trail the Braves by only 5.5 games. With a big weekend in front of them, the Phillies have a chance to make things weird again in the NL East. It starts tonight when Jake Arrieta (8-7, 4.40 ERA), elbow bone spurs and all, gets the ball against Atlanta’s Mike Soroka (10-2, 2.46 ERA). So will they make things weird? Let’s get into it.

But before we do, make sure that you’re taking advantage of all of the best offers from the top sportsbooks. Here’s what you need to know:

Those of you in PA, you now can bet on iOS with SugarHouse Sportsbook in PA. You are required to download a geolocation app when you sign up right here. Also, find out more about how to get in on the action on our PA sports betting page.mThose of you in New Jersey, hit our NJ online sports betting page.

Bonus

PENNSYLVANIA

$250 DEPOSIT MATCH

CLAIM $250 DEPOSIT BONUS

Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-Gambler. Only 1x Wager Applies, Playable in PA Only

Bonus

NEW JERSEY

$250 DEPOSIT MATCH

CLAIM $250 DEPOSIT BONUS

SugarHouse Sportsbook review

Braves-Phillies Odds

Here are odds for tonight’s Braves-Phillies game. All odds are as of 8:00 a.m. Friday morning.

SugarHouse Sportsbook

Run Line Money Total Phillies +1.5 (-134) +120 O 10 (-104) Braves -1.5 (+115) -136 U 10 (-113)

DraftKings Sportsbook

Run Line Money Total Phillies +1.5 (-134) +120 O 10 (-106) Braves -1.5 (+115) -136 U 10 (-115)

PointsBet

Run Line Money Total Phillies +1.5 (-140) +111 O 10 (+100) Braves -1.5 (+121) -131 U 10 (-121)

The Phillies are a home underdog for a fifth straight game, which is pretty crazy considering they’re a solid 54-48 overall. Say, I wonder if a team has ever gone on to win the World Series after starting the season with that record.

The Phillies might be 5.5 games out of 1st place in the division, but history has been kind to Philadelphia… pic.twitter.com/sCl9QW5Wkw

— DraftKings Sportsbook (@DKSportsbook) July 25, 2019

Well then.

Anyway, if you want the Braves on the moneyline (and you’re in the state of NJ), get them at PointsBet where they’re currently (-131). If you like the Phils to stay hot, you can grab them at either SugarHouse Sportsbook or DraftKings Sportsbook at +120.

Phillies-Braves Pitching Matchup

Jake Arrieta 

Arrieta will eventually need surgery to remove bone spurs from his pitching elbow, but he’s held up just fine in his two starts since the All-Star break, allowing only two earned runs in 10.2 IP.  He was solid in Pittsburgh last Friday night when he tossed five-plus innings, giving up one earned run on six hits with four strikeouts.

Arrieta has had mixed results at home this season. He has a 4.25 ERA and a 1.42 WHIP while opponents are hitting .257 with a .712 OPS against him.

Overall, the Phillies are 12-8 (+$200) in Arrieta’s 20 starts. They are 6-3 (+$141) when he starts at home and 3-4 when he starts as an underdog (-$68). This will be Arrieta’s first home start as a home underdog this season.

Note: Arrieta allowed only one earned run over six innings back on March 31 in his only start against the Braves this season. He did walk six in that game, though.

Mike Soroka

If you’re a Phillies fan, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Let’s start with the bad news. Soroka is 6-0 with a 1.13 ERA and a 0.86 WHIP in nine road starts. Opponents are hitting only .179 against him with a .468 OPS. Not great!

The good news? July has been his worst month by just about every statistical measure. He has a 4.08 ERA while opponents are hitting .329 against him with a  .769 OPS in three starts this month. Those numbers aren’t too bad, but they do represent a step back from his unbelievable start to the season.

Overall, Atlanta is 13-4 (+$516) in Soroka’s 17 starts. They are 12-4 (+$389) when favored in his starts, 7-2 (+$347) in his road starts and 6-2 (+220) when he starts as a road favorite.

Note: Soroka allowed four earned runs on nine hits and two walks in only 4.2 IP during his only start against the Phillies this season. All four of those runs were scored in the first, then the Phillies’ bats went quiet. 

Phillies-Braves General Betting Trends

The Braves are 30-20 ($752) on the road this season, including wins in 30 of their last 47 games. They’re the NL’s best road team, and it’s not even close. The Phillies, meanwhile, are 30-21 (+$61) at Citizens Bank Park.

The Braves have been a profitable 42-22 (+$563) as a favorite, while the Phillies continue to be a bad underdog bet at 13-26 (-$940). They have, however, won four of their last six games as a dog, including two of their last three at home where they had previously been winless in that role. Overall, they’re 2-6 (-$320) as a home underdog. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Atlanta has excelled as a road favorite, going 15-5 (+528).

I didn’t want this to get lost in the pitching matchup notes, so I’m dropping it here. Jake Arrieta has been excellent with extra rest this season. He has a 1.96 ERA while holding opposing hitters to a .575 OPS in four starts when he has 6+ days of rest. Opponents are hitting only .187 against him in those starts. He’ll have had six days of rest heading into tonight. 

This moneyline is a bit concerning for the Phillies. They are only 5-12 (-$621) when a moneyline underdog between +100 and +130 and 2-7 (-$469) when between +110 to +130. They are also 0-2 when +101 to +135 at home.

Conversely, the Braves are 14-9 (+$154) when favored between -117 and -147 on the moneyline, 11-3 overall when favored between -120 and -140 on the moneyline, and 3-1 (+$125) on the road when favored in the same range.

Phillies-Braves Prediction

I’d be lying if I told you I had a strong feeling about this one. I like Arrieta’s rest splits. That helps. And I like that the Phillies are on a bit of a roll as the Braves have struggled heading into this one. Still, the Braves’ strong performance both on the road and as a favorite is a concern. The data says grab the Braves as a modest moneyline favorite, but I’m going to go with my gut by backing the Phillies to win the opener. I think things are about to get weird in South Philly. Make of that what you will.

The post Phillies Betting Preview: Let’s Get Weird? appeared first on Crossing Broad.

Phillies Betting Preview: Let’s Get Weird? published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[mcsanders278]

Travel Series : Disneyworld (days 1 & 2)

I’m a bit behind on my travel blogs. Incidentally, I went to Disneyland in October with my youngest son but I figured it would be best to write about my Disneyworld trip a few weeks ago with my eldest.

For some reason I never really gave much thought to visiting Disneyworld until recently and when I had enough American Airlines points to essentially get 2 round trip flights anywhere within the US it was thrown out more as a “what if” to my sons. As my youngest voiced no desire to fly to Florida / visit Disneyworld it made the choice somewhat easy as my eldest son’s winter break started much sooner (one luxury of a college schedule).

We took a non-stop flight from Phoenix to MCO on a Saturday (nowadays I try to avoid layovers like the plague unless they are necessary). Between the 4 hour flight and 2 hour time difference I wisely did not pay to visit the parks the day we flew into Orlando. For those flying from Phoenix / the West Coast I highly recommend the same thing as not only is it about 30 minutes from the airports to the area with the parks / hotels, you also then have to drive to whichever park you plan on visiting. I also suggest using a share-driving service versus car rental as the parking fees alone seemed to average about $25 at the parks and hotels. I think in all we spent about $200 for the ride-shares, which undoubtedly is less than we would have spent on a 4 day car rental and parking.

One thing to keep in mind about Disneyworld is that unless you are staying at a Disney hotel specific to the park there is no option to walk to any of the parks. As it was my first trip to Florida one of the first things I noticed was the nice green surrounds with intermittent ponds / lakes. This is one way that Orlando is far superior to Anaheim...let’s face it, aside from Disneyland Anaheim is the pits. That being said, I have heard that Florida summers are brutal (compared to California summers) so you will definitely want to choose a time with decent weather. We luckily were there during colder weather (more on this later).

Other options which Disneyland does not have (but should adopt) are the Magicbands and setting up Fastpasses 30 days in advance (60 days if you stay at a Disney hotel). The Magicbands link anything you need for the parks - since we did not use a dining plan we only used it as our ticket and for the Fastpasses. Having the Fastpasses 30 days beforehand it a great tool as it will allow you to properly structure your days. One thing I learned; however, is that you can only choose the passes at one park each day (ie, you can’t have one pass at the Animal Kingdom in the morning and one later that day for Epcot) but you are allowed to get 3 passes each day. I highly recommend selecting the passes as soon as the option opens / at the 30 day mark as even in doing this there were rides which were already out of passes (likely grabbed by the Disney hotel people) or had very late entry times / were almost out. The hot ticket rides seemed to be both rides in the Avatar Pandora land at Animal Kingdom and the Test Track and Frozen rides at Epcot.    

I didn’t choose to look at a map of Orlando prior to the trip but when I finally did I noticed that downtown is north of the airport while the theme park areas are southwest. This is a plus for travelers as there was pretty light traffic heading to and from Disneyworld.

Taking advantage of having a Saturday evening without park tickets we decided to go to the Disney Springs area. For those of you familiar with Downtown Disney at Disneyland this is essentially a souped of version of that. It was much larger than I was expecting and should fulfill any and all consumerism needs. One thing to note is that getting into the Disney Springs area was probably the most traffic we dealt with on the entire trip (being Saturday evening was likely the main factor).

Sunday was our first day at a park and we chose to visit the Animal Kingdom. Another item to note is that none of the parks are within walking distance of each other; however, there are transportation options between each one. The Animal Kingdom only has the option of buses to the other parks but the other parks are either connected by bus, monorail, and even boat. Aesthetically, the Animal Kingdom is quite stunning. It is essentially a wildlife zoo intermixed with rides. At the center of the park is the Tree of Life - it really is a sight to behold with pictures not doing it justice.

The park’s lands are structured by the countries Africa and Asia and also has a Dinoland and the Avatar Pandora land. Since we only had 3 days at the parks and had been to Disneyland so many times we chose to only use our time there as wisely as possible by only focusing on attractions which were specific to Disneyworld / not at the California parks. I was expecting rain on our day at Animal Kingdom but wasn’t really expecting the slight drizzles to turn into a relatively heavy on-pour for about 2.5 hours. Although this hindered things it also played in our favor later on in the day.

During the initial light rains we started at Dinoland, which is mainly for younger children and was probably the most unimpressive section of the park / could use an update. The Dinosaur ride is the main ride in this area, which is essentially Disneyworld’s version of Indiana Jones. Needless to say, it is nowhere near as good as Indiana Jones - it is a passable ride but I wouldn’t recommend spending over 20 minutes in line and would also recommend getting Fastpasses for other rides.      

It was then that the heavy rains began. We ran between any overhead coverings we could find and made our way to the Nomad Lounge. We luckily made it there right when it opened as other visitors had the same idea in mind of finding refuge from the storm. The atmosphere of the lounge was fantastic. At Disneyland we always make a point of going to the Carthay Circle Lounge for a break amidst the walking / crowd insanity and Nomad is the perfect place for such at Disneyworld. It also has a much better selection of food than the Carthay Circle lounge. We ordered more than we would have under other circumstances, essentially to stake our claim on the table until the rain let-up as people continued to file into the lounge trying to find non-existent seats and even gave us an eye like they wanted us to share our table. In their defense, we did have a pretty large area in the indoor/outdoor area which consistent of two end chairs, a sofa and a coffee table but our anti-social tendencies prevailed. To be fair, I did raise the idea of sharing the table  to my son but he only scoffed and continued to watch patrons sit on wet chairs at wet tables. It probably didn’t make us look any better when the people it a similar seating area next to us were kind enough to allow another couple sit with them.

For $1 you have an option to fill out the small banners which are hung from the ceiling and on the walls. There are numerous questions posted throughout the lounge pertaining to travel - you simply choose your favorite question and write your answer. It is a nice option for those who want to become a part of a Disney park in some way. If you go to the lounge I recommend trying the bread board, which is different breads from around the world with different spreads.

The best thing about the heavy rain was that the lines drastically diminished the rest of the day, which in turn allowed us to ride the Flight of Passage in the Avatar land (as noted previously, the Fastpasses were gone even 30 days before our trip). I am by no means an Avatar fan but I have to admit that the detail in the Pandora land was quite impressive. I highly recommend going there during the night / when all of the surroundings are lit-up. We did have Fastpasses for the Na’vi River Journey, which is a boat ride in the vein of Pirates of the Carribean. My son and I both agreed that it was alright - there were a few cool visuals but not worth an extremely long wait (the line can usually run over 2 hours). 

I was a bit reluctant to ride Flight of Passage as my initial read-up on it gave the impression like it was similar to the Harry Potter ride at Universal Studios Hollywood (which was probably the most nauseating ride experience of my life). When I asked the attendant about the ride and noted the Harry ride as comparison she quickly pointed out that she usually gets sick on rides and didn’t have the issue with Flight of Passage. It is usually against my better judgment to stand in line for 85 minutes for any ride by my son really wanted to experience the ride and this undoubtedly was the shortest the line was going to get during our trip (as I am writing this the wait time noted on the app is 285 minutes...that’s right, over 4 hours...). There are enough things to look at during the 85 minute wait / in the queue but I cannot in any way justify recommend waiting in line over 2 hours for a ride, let alone 4 hours. That being said, the ride experience was pretty cool. Think Soaring Over the World crossed with an Avatar theme in which you get your individual seat...the idea is that you’re riding one of the banshees from the film.

The two other rides we experienced were Expedition Everest and Kilimanjaro Safaris. Both of these rides were very impressive. Expedition Everest has the same Yeti theme as the Matterhorn but be forewarned, it is a bit more intense. My son was not too keen initially on riding the Safari but with the rains diminishing the line to a 5 minute wait we choose to check it out. Neither of us were disappointed - it seriously is a straight-up safari in which the animals have free roam of the land and you are actually riding in a jeep which isn’t on rails - there is a path for cast members to follow but he/she can stop and go as they please if there is something interesting going on.

Overall thoughts : Although it is not a park heavy on rides, there is more than enough to see / do between the live animal exhibits, rides, and restaurants. Definitely check out Nomad for lunch or dinner and the 3 rides I recommend for Fast Passes are Flight of Passage, Expedition Everest, and Kilimanjaro Safaris.          

[essie1876]

Once Upon a Dream

(Gif doesn’t really have anything to do with the story but I couldn’t leave it without a gif of this beautiful man)

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Word Count: 1,783

Warnings: Brief mention of pregnancy; nothing really

Summary: You have dreams that eventually become reality and this is the one you couldn’t be happier to have become reality. This is my entry for @thorne93’s 200 Follower Challenge. I had chosen the song Once Upon a Dream from Sleeping Beauty and Sam x Reader.

A/N: So I know this is being posted super early but I couldn’t wait to post it. Hope you like it as much as I do. This is also un-edited so I apologize for any errors.

Reader’s POV

           Throughout your life, you have had dreams come true. You never knew what dreams would eventually come true and which ones would remain a dream. Sometimes it would happen in real life that same year but most of the time it would be years before it came true. What you had never happen was have a dream come true the very next day. It happened two year ago, and you couldn’t be happier that that specific dream became reality.

*Two Year Ago*

           You were sitting in the local coffee shop, unable to get the man from your dream the night before out of your head. You never got a name in the dream but his face, and even his body, was something you would never forget. From his long shaggy brown hair, his hazel puppy dog eyes, and the dimples that would form whenever he smiled, to his broad shoulders, his 6’4” frame, and his body from a god. The way he looked at you made you feel things you thought you’d never get a chance to feel. Feelings you had given up on ever feeling years ago.

           After finishing your coffee, you decide to head to the park and walk for a bit to try clear your mind. Little did you know, that walk would change your life forever.

Sam’s POV

           He couldn’t get the face of the girl from his dream out of his head. He knew that he had never met this girl but yet he felt as if he had known her forever. Her (Y/H/L) (Y/H/C) hair, her (Y/E/C) doe-like eyes, and the way her nose would scrunch up as she laughed. The way her laughter filled him up, making him feel as if his heart was going to burst with happiness and love. He knew he needed to get her out his head before Dean found the next hunt, so, while Dean still slept, he decided to head to the park in town to clear his head.

           He left Dean a note in the kitchen, letting him know that he borrowed the Impala, where he was going, and that he’d be gone for a few hours. He then headed out of the bunker and off to the park, parking closer to the wooded area in hopes that fewer people would be in this part of the park. He walks through the trees, not really watching where he is or where he is going, trying, but failing, to get the girl out of his head. The way she would look at him, as if nothing else existed but him. Like he was her entire world. He finally had enough and found a bench to sit on to stew in his misery of the fact that this girl was fantasy not reality. Little did he know that a little ways away, the girl stood in shock looking straight at him.

Reader’s POV

           You decided to head to the wooded area of the park in hopes that some exploring would get your mind off the man from your dream. You had been exploring for about an hour when you heard a noise. It was the noise of another person somewhere else in the woods, close enough for you to hear movement but not close enough to see them. For whatever reason, you decided to follow the noise, not even considering the dangers that could be ahead. That’s when you saw him and you suddenly you couldn’t move. It wasn’t possible, it couldn’t be possible, were the thoughts going through your head.

I must be dreaming because there’s no way that the man from my dream is real. He’s too perfect to exist. You thought as you continued to stare. You could tell his head was elsewhere so you continued to stare. He was an exact copy to the man from your dream. After what felt like hours, you were finally able to get your body to move, and it was moving towards him ever so slowly. As you approached him, he still did not make any moves to acknowledge that someone was walking toward him. As you got to the other side of the bench, you decide to play it as cool as possible.

“Is this seat taken?” You asked. You noticed that as soon as you spoke his entire body froze.

Sam’s POV

           He knew someone was walking toward him, but his head was in a whole other world that he didn’t acknowledge it. Then he heard the person speak and he completely froze. It can’t be, he thought. She wasn’t real, just a figment of his imagination. Then the person spoke again.

           “Do you mind if I sit here?” The person said. After hearing the voice again, he couldn’t mistake it for her voice. He couldn’t bare looking at her just yet, so, as he continued to look down, he answered, “No, go ahead.”

           He sat there trying to get the courage to look at her, but he was scared that he would look up and be disappointed that it isn’t her. Before he could do anything, she began speaking.

           “I know this will sound weird, but I could swear that I know you. I walked with you once upon a dream. When I saw you, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The man from my dream sits just a few feet from me. I know this sounds crazy, but I feel like I have known you for years.”

           As she spoke, he listened to what she was saying and when she mentioned seeing him in a dream, he finally found the courage to look at her. And when he did, he couldn’t stop himself from caressing her cheek. “You’re real.” Was all he said as you stared into each other’s eyes.

*Present*

Reader’s POV

           After staring into each other’s eyes for what seemed like forever, you began talking and getting to know each other. As the days and weeks past you and Sam grew closer and closer. A month after meeting, he asked you to be his girlfriend. You said yes because you knew what the future held. He told you what his and his brother did and told you that he understood if you didn’t want to be with him. You told him that you would make it work. Six months into the relationship, he asked you to move into the bunker with him. You couldn’t have been happier when he asked you. You moved in that same day and started helping on cases here and there. You never actually hunted but you helped with research when you could.

           On your one year anniversary, Sam took you to the park and asked you walk with him for a bit. As you were reminiscing about the last year, you didn’t realize where he had taken you. He took you to your bench. The bench that started everything. He had you sit down and all of a sudden he was on his knee proposing to you. The ring he chose was beautiful but at that moment, all you could think about was how you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life with the man kneeling in front of you. A few months later, you and Sam got married in a little ceremony with Cas being the one to marry the two of you. Sam then surprised you with a honeymoon to the Bahamas. You weren’t expecting a honeymoon with what he did, but you couldn’t be happier to spend two weeks alone with him.

           It has now been two years since that fateful day, and you had a surprise for Sam. You decided to pack a picnic and go to your bench. As you were packing up the picnic basket, Sam asked “What are you doing?”

“Since you and Dean aren’t on a hunt, I am packing up the picnic basket and we are going to go on a date at our favorite spot in the park.” You replied.

Sam just shrugged at your response and wrapped his arms around you as you finished packing everything up. You both then headed out to the Impala and drove to your favorite spot in the park. Once you got to the park, Sam laid out the blanket in front of the park bench as you got the salads out of the basket, making sure he didn’t see the surprise on the bottom. You and Sam talked about random things while eating your salads and enjoying the peacefulness of the day. You had been there for over an hour when you knew it was time to tell Sam.

“Before we pack up, I brought us one last thing before we head back to the bunker.” You said as you moved to grab the picnic basket.

“What is it?”

“If I told you now, it would ruin the surprise. Now close your eyes.” You responded, trying to give him a stern look but failing due to your inability to hold back your laughter.

“Okay, okay.” He replied, closing his eyes as he was told. When you knew that his eyes were shut, you got everything out of the picnic basket. Once the three boxes were set out and in the correct order, you told Sam to open his eyes. The first box was the smallest of the three. Inside was a pair of tiny pair of brown leather boots. He gave you a confused look but continued onto the next box. The next box contained a t-shirt that said Only the best husbands get a promotion. Again, he looked at you as his brain started turning it over but said nothing as he grabbed the third and final box. In the final box were a few things. The first thing he took out was a pregnancy test with a positive on it. The second thing he grabbed was a mug that said papa bear on it. The final thing was a little book you put together. It started with the day you met and led up to the two of you on the picnic blanket. On the final page, there was the picture from the ultrasound with I can’t wait to meet you, daddy written underneath. After watching him process everything he looked up at you with tears in his eyes and a smile reaching from ear to ear on his face.

“Really?” He asked.

“Really.” And as soon as you said that, he grabbed your face and kissed you with so much passion. He reluctantly pulled away and stared straight into your eyes. He didn’t have to say anything because you knew exactly how he was feeling. You pulled him in for another kiss, smiling, as you think about what the future holds.