#i think i am jsut going through it i :( god what the fuck what is going on in my funny brain

[running-in-the-dark]

sooooo

I'm 32 now

when can I expect to finally grow out of getting obsessed with men people stuff? I'm waiting....

[dreamcast-official]

Hey I Think I Figured It Out

[unoriginal-and-dumb]

i need to know everything about your infected like. now

Okay Dokay! (I’m gonna say everything that comes to mind I might miss stuff or repeat previously said things but I love never re-reading what I wrote)

God I got a lot to say sorry, I put this at the bottom too but if anyone ever has specific questions I will be (very) happy to answer them!!!

Infected is, at face value, pretty good at kinda acting like Kasper. Which is why nobody else really seems too bothered by his switch up besides Lampert. Lampert knew him best and for REAL so, well yea you know. He would know when his best friend is acting wrongggg

I think that the virus was inside the roomba that infected has in their apartment. The irony is too perfect, because I don’t imagine Kasper being gods cleanest fella so the idea of the thing that basically wiped out his consciousness coming from something he got to try and start being cleaner. I think he would’ve gotten the roomba because Lampert was basically begging him to do something to try and fix his fuck ass apartment

The virus itself feeds off of consciousness, it overwhelms and takes over the pervious one then kinda produces a shitty copy of it so it can continue feed off any form of consciousness that could’ve been

Infected MAY have the iq of wall paper. Stupid and dumb.

Infected kinda just has like 0 form of self preservation because the virus itself doesn’t really… understand it I guess? It’s more of like a “FEELING PAIN IS A WASTE OF TIME!” Although it wouldn’t just be pain-centric. He just kinda does fuck-all because it’s fun or everyone else does it or whatever

The error pattern on his arm (and other parts of his body tbh) can spread to other things via touch, but it doesn’t really just stay there

The virus is kinda weird because it’s like. Very much digital but it also is clearly affecting him physically? So it kinda just. Is both things at once I dunno magic elevator magic virus yellow person with dot eyes and no nose what can I say.

Infected is a flat and static character, he is unchanging as is, he is only the face value personality of Kasper, it’s like trying to hold a conversation with a half baked answer machine. After a while he kinda just starts repeating things.

Infected is friends with Split and Poob, as mentioned on the wiki. It’s not even remotely comparable to what Kasper and Lampert had though (😢). They are more of like yea let’s invite Infected over to a party since he kinda seems to just stand in the corner and be a freak. They enjoy Infected’s presence, but again it’s like speaking to an answer machine after awhile

Kasper would frequently change up his look, keeping a few things like his hat always but he was like constantly trying out different colors and whatever clothing stuff, but when he became Infected he kind of jsut got stuck on the tough guys wear pink shirt era (going full npc, wearing literally nothing else because ah yes this is Kasper and I am “Kasper”)

Almost nothing truly gets to infected, yea he’s upset about pop tart but it’s all very shallow and more played off as a joke. Bros life is all sunshine and rainbows wait till he hears about taxes 😭

^ however, it’s not impossible for things to really break through for them. Albeit really just not that likely, they could be made SUPER MEGA UPSET! It’s times like that when he actually seems to have even just undertones of Kasper existing (which is why, despite Lampert HATING infected, I think there would be a time he shoves those feelings aside and tries to comfort infected because that’s still his best friends face)

Infected cannot stand be called Kasper. He ignores it for a bit but after a while he lashes out pretty badly. To be fair though, having 0 memories of someone but everyone else claiming you are them is kinda weird

Infected (specifically) would sound like cooper2723, shitty mic and all

Infected skates like skate 3. He does that speed glitch every time and nobody gets it. He also sometimes rolls full force into a curb and just flies off the skate board (he forgort)

Eczema rep as mentioned before, the stupid error texture is super extremely itchy, but that’s also why it’s spread so much because he fucking scratches the hell outta it. It also just hurts in general (LIKE IF U HAD SAND PAPER. ON UR SKIN. ALWAYS.) but again 0 sense of self preservation bruh don’t give a fuck

He wears the arm warmer to try and hide the error texture. He consciously does not really have a reason but it is in order for the virus to try and be more discreet. Not many people have really taken a notice or care at least so it’s kinda working..? (Not rlly it’s pretty obvious)

Infected HATES unpleasant a blood curdling amount. It doesn’t matter if unpleasant does literally nothing they will blame EVERYTHING on unpleasant. Uh oh bad weather? It’s that fucking gradient’s fault

Infected sometimes just starts tweaking. Like straight Blair witching or honestly even like the boss in s2 of smiling friends. He goes right back to normal but he just does that sometimes (it’s because there’s another backseat driver getting pissed off and existing again before going bed bye go the next however long)

Kasper had pretty bad anger issues but he was able to not start genuinely losing it. Infected however. Infected is gods happiest/angriest soldier

He could be a real smiler, a real big yaaaayyyyyy typa fella one second but one thing sets him off and he is a nightmare to be around. We talking cod lobby throwing shit hair pulling slur yelling type stuff

Infected lives on energy drinks.

They also don’t really sleep, it’s seen as a waste of time when he could be saying terrible things online or skateboarding off a building. Only real time he does anything that a normal human NEEDS to do is when he’s like sims 4 forced to (I.e straight up passing tf out on the floor)

I made this up because I wanted BOTH but his stupid ass SNOT, when it’s green that’s just icky snot when it’s pink that’s not snot or blood but a malicious 3rd option (the error infection thing, although it is kind of just like blood for him at least)

Infected doesn’t really realize that people change appearance over time and that’s like normal so he may do absolutely fuckall half the time but he does maintain appearance (hair cut/dye clothes) and stuff very well because they think they have to look exactly like how Kasper did at the point of infection

Errr he’s aroace :) and trans :) yah :) because kasper is :) 🧡💛🤍🩵💙🧡💛🤍🩵💙🧡💛🤍🩵💙🧡💛🤍🩵💙 yaaaayyyyyyyyyyy

Infected’s eyes actually are white, that’s not just stylistic choice. Or at least they kinda catch the light the way a cat’s does. He is very very eerie in the dark because of this. The error pattern is unaffected by lighting (because. It’s an error texture.) so that combined with white ass eyes and some guy who stands and moves like something else puppeteering a human is… eerie.

He’s Wasian! Korean-American specifically. He does have a Korean name but really just doesn’t go by it ever

This isn’t Infected-centric but relating to Kasper, he grew up mainly with his mom cuz his dad peaced tf out (lol). He did like his dad though, which is why he wore the hat all the time, at this point though he doesn’t really care about his dad and just wears it because it’s his fucking hat and he does not take that shit off

Infected constantly acts out of it, extreme fever style. Weird forgetful says nonsense half the time and just laughs at everything when he’s not busy smiling creepily

Infected is indifferent on everyone, he doesn’t particularly hold grudges (he just forgets about any arguments in general or ignores them) he only really hates unpleasant

He isn’t really enemy to anyone due to the infection trying to get a good way to spread (if ur around a bunch of people all the time, I mean likeeee)

There’s other things but this is very long and I dunno, if anyone has specific questions I’d be happy to answer!!!

[thesupernaturalhouse]

This started out as a funny snipper. How tf did it turn into a fanfic?? Also this took me so long anyways, pt3 of the accidental overlord vaggie fic

Alastor: shoves Vaggie between him and Rosie and drops Frank onto her lap

Vaggie: trying to process how tf a giant dragon got through an elevator among many other things

Carmilla: thank you for coming today. I've gathered you all here to talk about the millions of souls-

Vaggie squeaks so quiet no one hears her: I'm sorry fucking how many??....How- How do you check that?? Gets ignored

She's just squeezing poor frank like a stress toy

Carmilla ignores her: You own. And how their at risk with the new extermination schedule. And how we minimize the damage going to be caused by it.

Finally looking aorund the room

Carmilla: Zestial, so god to see you- ....Alastor?? And- eyes narrow the protective overlord

Alastor, leaning over to block vaggie form view because he's petty as fuck: hello! Yes yes, I know, I've been absent for a longgg time and I'm sure youre all DYING to knwo where I've been~

Carmilla:...no. not really, shrugs but welcome back anyways I suppose....I am interested about who you've brought though....

Vaggie: just staring out into space, regretting her life choices and trying to count how many people owe her 'favors'

Carmilla slgihtly concerned/unnerved: In any case, this year's extermination was brutadal. A good 16% of the population was killed off. With them coming back in only 6 months I think it prudent that we-

Velvette: just fucking kicks the door open Yeah, I've got it handled Vox? Are you doubting me? ME might I remind you? Yeah, no. That's what I thought. Yes, yes, I know, thank you V, see you later Okay, bye, kisses darling!

Carmilla: nice of you to finally join us, Velvette. Will you.....colleges? be joining us?

Velvette: What? No way. They have better shit to do than to listen to some old windbag who think she's tough shit! Haha, no. Immm here to represent!

Carmilla:...charming. now, back to what I was saying, we need to-

Velvette: waves her arm frantically

Camilla feeling like a preschool teacher: yes??

Velvette: well, on the topic of discussssss throws exorcists head down let's discuss

Alastor: oooo tasty!!

Vaggie: ohhhhh my god....whispering to herself is that Tuff?? Wtf- how??

Carmilla:......where...did you get this?

Velvette: doesn't matter. We found it, though. And if these angle fuckers can be killed, then the game of cat and mouse has changed, the boys and I have-

Vaggies distressed squeaking as Velvette continues, Zestial jsut slumps his tea

Velvette:....the fuck is wrong with you two?? Looks at vaggie leans downs to get closer....also you're new

Vaggie: uhhhhh......thank?? You??

Velvette: narrows eyes before her head snaps ti zestial

Zestial: we shouldn't go to war with such meger proof.

Velvette:...meger- MEGER PROOF!? ITS a dead fucking Exorcist!!! What more do you WANT!? A video of it being killed?? No- this is definitive proof- if you can't see that, maybe you're going blind old man.

Zestial: it may be dead but how? It could be by a demon, but mayhaps it died due to unrelated reasons

Vaggie: Well, angles have hurt their own kind. Wouldn't be suprised if killing was another option for them

Everyone's heads snap to her

Vaggie:.....did....I say that out loud?

Carmillas narrows her eyes: how do you know that.

Vaggie: I um...I....I saw it happening?

Velvette:....wait aren't you the princesses whore? What are you doing out if your bird cage hm?

Vaggie: I....what??

Carmilla shaking her head: we're getting off topic.

Zestial: Carmilla is right. If we rush to war the angles would purge all of the sinners for daring to even TRY an uprising

Overlords: muttering

Alastor: why don't we put it to a vote?

Vaggie: depends is one of the options 'can we all just go home pelase?'

Alastor: hmmm no!

Vaggie grumbling: I hate you.

Velvette narrows eyes: ohhh okay I see. Grandpa's to scared to make a move! So then there's no point in it huh?

*the respect less song which I am not writing*

Zeezi: pft, what the hell? we literally JUST got here!

odette:....mom??

Carmille:....meeting dismissed.

Vaggie: uh, does this mean we can go home?- gets glared at .....okay sits back down like a scolded kid as she thinks about wtf jsut happened

Vaggie to herself in a defeated tone:.....she never told me how to see how many souls I own.....how many people owe me favors?

Proceeds to try and calculate and count on her fingers and Alastor watches in amusement, after sending off frank, and Rosie watches slightly concerned as to wtf her friend did to this teenage child....and maybe also finding it a bit funny

Part 2 | Part 3(here!) | Part 4

[jadeittic]

HS + Y/I: 2022 (SERIES)

EXTRA (8) -- mb i keep procrastinating i swear its not my fault (it is) LMAO

PREVIOUS. NEXT.

HARRY STYLES + PLATONIC!EX-1D MEMBER!FEM!READER

WARNINGS: will be changing face claims for every post ! hope it won't be a bother.

yourinstagram

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yourinstagram perth, get ready.

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username THE AMOUNT OF HARRY CONTENT IS MAKING ME 😫

username o h my god i get to be the first people to hear hs + y/i as the aoty

username DELETE THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HADNLE

harrystyles We praise the people who get drunk the night before anything.

yourinstagram i'm literally going to die from alcohol poisoning because of you

harrystyles Yeah well it's not my fault you keep tagging along with me

yourinstagram SHUT UUUP i only tag along because you cry like a baby if i say no

username the bickering even through texts 😭😭

username LMFAO

username yn can i bring pizza to the show please 🙏

yourinstagram YES PLEASE i deserve a snack from time to time because SOMEONE refuses to let me

username we dont even need namedropping atp we all knowwww who it is

harrystyles WHAT DID I DO?!

username YNRRY IN AUSTRALIAAA EHFSGSEGGSEF

username the amount of adrenaline in me i cant even go to sleep

ynrryupdates

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ynrry YNRRY spotted walking around tourist shops in Perth, Australia just this afternoon. Are we all ready for the show tomorrow night?

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username PARENTS /p

username im so excited im driving to the park jsut to visit

username SO EXCITEDE EEFEGRE

username actually ordering her pizza rn

username I HOPE YN REMEMBERS OMG

username we're listening to the aoty tomorroooooow

username every show feels so unreal

username IRSHEGGESOJR

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yourinstagram rehearsaaaaals

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username THERES A VIDEO OF YOU GUYS SOUNDCHECKING WOMAN ARE WE GETTING WOMAN TN

yourinstagram huh

username YN

harrystyles NO WONDER WHY YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG

username THEYRE SO GLSEIFJGG

zendaya i miss youuuu

yourinstagram z i miss you so much it hurts

username IM SO EXCITEED

username OHHSG SRIGRGH

username 2023 is treating ynrry so well and im here for it

username I HAVE THE PIZZA YN

yourinstagram it better be my favorite one

ynrry

liked username, and 6,705 others

ynrry first look at ynrry onstage at perth!

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username WHAT THE FUCK

username i love how they're matching but not matching at all

username ITS SO GOOD TO SEE THEM AGAIN OMG I MISSED THEM SO MUCH

username i am IN TEARS

username SUE AND HIS BESTFRIEND AT PERRRTTTTHHHH

--

"Okay, so tonight's dinner will be pizza, as I was informed. "Where are you?" Not knowing what she should be looking for other than a pizza box as she makes her way down the catwalk, YN says, "Is there a pizza box I should be looking for, really? — A sudden cheer could be heard from the other side of the stage, where Harry appeared to be pointing down to someone in the audience. Harry said, "C'mere, I think I found her. I'll even check my imaginary watch on my wrist to see how long it'll take her to get here," he said, motioning for YN to come over to his side.

"I actually believed a turtle was with me on stage," Harry jokes with a smirk on his lips, "YN finally made it over, much slower than anyone, actually." By this time, the two are arguing once more and have forgotten that they were looking for the pizza a fan had promised YN she would get at tonight's show.

"Well, I wouldn't really like the opportunity to slip and fall down as I'm running to you, no? - I'm simply being safe, unlike you." YN says with a cheeky grin plastered onto her face, to which Harry replies with a playful, offended look as he dramatically starts crying and places his hands over his eyes to stop his "tears" from falling out.

YN decides to move on, away from the conversation, and approaches the fan, who is holding a pizza box in the air. "Are you the one who promised me dinner?" The fan's head nodding told her everything she needed to know, even though she couldn't really hear what she was saying due to the audience and the earpiece placed in her ears. She then reaches over to the fan, carefully grabbing the box from the fan's hands without falling. As YN holds the box, her excitement quickly builds as she remembers how hungry she was before the show.

"Better hope it's your favorite pizza. If not, the pizza will be mine before you know it!" Harry approaches YN with a sneaky grin on his face. By turning away from the audience to hide the pizza they would be eating on stage, YN and Harry created needless suspense. — The boy standing next to YN laughs as she says, "Don't let me down, please," into her microphone.

It was YN's preferred pizza, which surprised her. As she crouches next to the fan, YN exclaims, "You are now my favorite person ever, I love you so much." — "You certainly made her happy, I suppose. Sincerely, I believed she would eventually cut off my head." Harry says as he squats down next to YN and receives snarling looks in return.

"Harry, I hate you so much." She pushes him in a playful manner until he falls to his back, at which point she turns to face the fan while grinning widely. — "You have my undying love. I adore you. Because of you, dinner is served!"

"Speaking of Adore You," Harry teases into his microphone as he motions for YN to stand, the upbeat instrumental playing through the speakers.

YN was spotted eating pizza while seated close to her and Harry's band.

--

iuploadtweetsaboutynrryonig

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celebnews

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celebnews "Y'wanna do it with me?" -- "Pass. I don't want to barf out the pizza I just ate. And besides, you're not even drinking it with beer!" -- "Well, this is a family show, is it not?" YN LN and Harry Styles on doing a shoey at their concert at Perth.

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username ITS THE WAY YN'S FACE LOOKED LIKE WHEN HE PUT HIS SHOE BACK ON 💀

username he drank it out of a GUCCI SNEAKER

username SOMEONE SEDATE ME RN

username yn just munching on her food in the back while harry does all of these 😭

username "this is one of the most disgusting traditions" -- "THEN DON'T DO IT" I LOVE YN SM LMFAOO

username yn shaking her head in disappointment like a mother for him doing it and him not doing it right 😭

username I JUST WOKE UP HES DOING A SHOEY??

ynrry

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ynrry more of ynrry tonight at perth!

harrystyles

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harrystyles Love On Tour. Perth. February. 2023.

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username WE MISSED YOU BOOOTHH

username had the time of my life im so thankful

username i miss you already

yourinstagram this is the face of someone who DROPPED A SLICE OF MY PIZZA ON THE FLOOR.

harrystyles I SAID I WAS SORRY

username CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAINN

username 2023ynrry is such a sight to see

username LOVE LVOE LOVE

username SOMEONE POST A VIDEO OF THE SHOEY PLEASE

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yourinstagram taught this man how to use a phone once, and he can't let go of it. PERTH I LOVE YOU

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username the thought of yn teaching harry makes me giggle a bit

username i barely see this man holding a phone this is a rare sight

username I'M GLAD YOU ENJOYED THE PIZZA !

yourinstagram i love you i love you i love you

username tonight felt like a dream omg

username IM COMING TO SEE YOU TWO AGAIN SOOOOON

username the best duo in the whole universe no one can tell me otherwise

yourinstagram via ig story

[romanarose]

TRICK OR TREAT >:)

i love you <3

do i get a treat now

Yes you get a treat. This is why I asked you if you like Twilight bc I needed a reason to post this.

This is a edited chapter of my first MK series, Sunshine, Starlight, Sweetheart, Brightside. You shouldnt have to read all 33 chapters of this series jsut to read this yummy premise!!! So I edited it!

In the series, its a 3rd person and OC, so if I accidentally say "she" or "sam", ignore that.

The Twilight Baseball Scene

Marc Spector x fem!reader

Summary: Ever wanted to get finger fucked to the Twilight baseball scene?

Warnings and content: Fingering. Marc suffering for love. Reader is bicoded.

A/N: Jake is not romantically involved, and is just starting to get along with Marc.

Italics is Marc, Bold is steven, red is jake

****************************

Marc Spector was being torchered. 

He had been through a lot, seen and felt a lot of things as a mercenary, his time as Moon Knight (wait. Is Jake still doing that?), and his childhood, but this? This might top it all. You were spending Saturday alone with him and Steven; Steven had you alone in the morning, and Marc had you for the evening.

Steven’s date was wonderful, he took you to the local book store and let you pick out whatever she wanted. This was, of course, after he took you for coffee. Of course. 

Yeah. Yeah things went well for Steven. 

Marc, on the other hand, was wondering if this was a sneak preview into hell. He knew that it couldn’t actually be in hell; you were here.

He was watching Twilight.

You weren't even cuddling with him, you were on the other side of the couch, actually watching the movie. When they decided to have a movie night, he thought there might not be much movie watching as there might be sex.

Guys. Guys. Marc tried to get the other boy's attention. GUYS!

WHATS HAPPENING?! If a voice in his head could burst through a door waving a gun around, that's what Jake would be doing.

Whoa, calm down.

Marc?! Whats going on?

Jesus you two, nothing is happening.

Then what do you need? You’re supposed to be on a date.

I am. We’re watching... Twilight…

Marc swore he heard Jake laugh.

Oh god, how did that happen?

I told her she could choose the movie!

Well… that was your first mistake.

I thought she would pick something like Star Wars, Indiana Jones or Jurassic Park or something else with Harrison Ford! Not Twilight.

Well if you’re going to let her pick the movie you have to- wait… did you say ‘something else with Harrison Ford?’

Yeah?

Amigo… do you think Harrison Ford is in Jurrasic Park?

Yeah? He’s the one who isn’t Jeff Goldblum

I know who you are talking about Marc, that’s not Harrison Ford. 

You think that Harrison Ford played a grumpy paleontologist in Jurassic Park, and a grumpy archeologist in Indiana Jones? It’s the same exact character.

Well I’ve never seen either-

Hold on. You named Steven after some B movie knock off of Indiana Jones but you never actually watched Indiana Jones?

You can laugh all you want, but that movie was awesome

Wait, Marc, why were you yelling for us?

… I’m bored…

Dios mio, that’s it? I’m supposed to only show up when the body is in critical danger and now I need to baby sit you though Twilight?

It’s not babysitting, I just need entertainment. She’s out of commission right now

Marc looked over at you, whose eyes were glued to the Tv. Edward was on the screen.

Jake laughed. She’s doing that thing.

What thing?

That tongue thing.

Whattonguething?!

That tongue thing she does when she’s turned on…

Not very observant, are you?

What are you two talking about?

Look at her mouth, Ese.

Marc focused on your mouth for Steven. As expected, a tiny bit of your tongue peeked out from between your teeth.

Oh.

She does that when she wants you

Why are you paying attention to when she’s turned on?

Relájate idiota

Before Marc could respond, his head turned when he heard you mutter, barely a whisper. “As if you could outrun me, as if you could fight me off”

What the fuck?! What the fuck was that?!

She watches this movie a lot. She knows this scene line for line.

Jesus.

Marc thought the world of you. He thought you were incredibly intelligent, respected your opinions and loved to hear you speak so passionately about random subjects. He just couldn’t see what you saw in this stupid movie.

It’s comforting to her. She knows it like the back of her hand. To her, it’s predictable. Calming. You should know about that.

Marc saw his point.

You gonna hold her, or are you gonna let her wish it was the sparkly fucker instead?

Marc learned where you were sitting, causing you to turn and grin at him. You still looked at him like he hung the stars, which relieved him. Maybe Edward was a vampire who sparkled (?!?!?!) but you still loved him. For whatever reason.

You planted a kiss on his lips, Marc slipping his tongue into your mouth briefly before you pulled away, eyes flittering to the tv. “Thank you for watching Twilight with me, baby. I know it’s not how you’d like to spend a Saturday night.”

Marc pulled you over to him, easily lifting you up and into his arms. He settled back down, your head on the pillow and cuddled up on his lap. “As long as you’re here, I’ll watch twilight every night.”

Idiota! ¿por qué dirías que?!

I DON’T KNOW! I’M NOT GOOD AT THIS! I PANICKED!

If she wants to watch Twilight with me next week, you’re taking the body and I’m not distracting you.

I’m not either

Oh god damn it. Jake you’re back on my shit list.

What? Steven said it first, isn’t he on your shit list?

I’m his favorite

What, are we his kids now?

Jesus christ.

I mean, technically-

NO! NO! We are not having this conversation. Steven, you’re on my shit list.

Ha. follar y averiguar. 

If I give you a little tip to distract her, will you take me off the shit list?

What do you got?

When the baseball scene comes she’s going to get really turned on. Like, an insane amount. She’s gonna start squirming. Everyone in that scene is gonna do it for her, but she especially loves Edward and Rosalie. When that happens, put your hands down her pants. She’ll drop everything for you to fuck her.

Jesus christ. What happened to Steven?

Great sex, that’s what. How long until the baseball scene.

Another half hour, probably

Marc groaned loudly in the headspace. Steven and Jake tried to keep him company.

When the baseball scene started, Steven told him to wait a minute so you work yourself up. Jake excused himself. When he felt you start to shift and wriggle her legs together (Steven was right, you really liked Rosalie), Marc slid a hand down your pants, eliciting a gasp.

His other hand that was wrapped under you spent a moment to caress your body as he teased your clit, making you body lurch in his grip.

“Marc…” You whispered.

“Shhhhh. Just watch your movie.”

What are you doing?

I’m gonna make her come on my fingers.

Yeah I get that, but you’re going to need to distract her from the movie. She’s only going to be thinking of Edward the whole time.

Marc slipped two fingers into her as his wandering hand put a hard grip on her left tit.

It’s fine. I just want her. If Twilight makes her happy, so be it. 

You whimpered, eyes glued to the tv and breath shaking from his touch. The famed baseball scene played out before your eyes and you breath hitching when Jasper did the twirl with his bat.

Marc continued finger fucking you, swearing that your eyes were on Rosalies thighs more than anything. You swallowed hard, focusing on the music and his touch. When Alice saw the vision of the other 3 characters (have they been here before? Am I supposed to know them? Marc hadn’t been paying attention.) approached, He could feel you were getting close.

His left hand played with your nipples between his fingers as he tried to figure out what was happening. These must be the bad vampires, judging by the way everyone reacted. Jesus, no one in this movie can act casual for the life of them. The hand that had been on your breast moved up to your throat, causing you to buck against him, your body pleading for more. And god, did he give you more. Marc inserted a third finger and picked up the pace, carefully restricting your airflow as you watched the terrible movie. Finally, he let go of your throat and whispered “Come when you’re ready, baby”

He continued fingering you, paying less attention to the insane dialogue and more to the sounds her pussy made, so wet, so wet for him. One of the bad vampires must’ve said something, because Edward moved into a defensive stance around Bella. That’s when you came, pulsing around his fingers and writhing in his arms, your beautiful mouth gasping for air. He held you through it, fucking you through the orgasm and his other fingers skimming over your chest and stomach.

Marc had a theory you were turned on by being protected or feeling safe. That’s why you were so into Steven so early. He made you feel safe. You coming when Edward protected Bella? Well, that confirmed his theory.

Your hand moved back to touch Marc’s pants, but Marc stopped you. “Don’t worry about that. We got a movie to finish.” You sighed contently and settled into his lap.

I think this is what they call being 'pussy whipped'

He played with your hair and massaged your scalp for the rest of the movie. Now, if you wanted to get turned on when you felt safe, that’s fine by him. You are safe with Marc and Steven, and Jake it seemed. You were safe with them. They would never let anyone hurt you. They would do anything in their power to make you smile, make you laugh, make you cum. If that means buying an iced caramel macchiato every single day, that’s wonderful. If that means having you under him, writhing and sweaty and absolutely ruined? Yeah, that’s fantastic.

And god damn it, if that meant watching Twilight every night? Then shit, he’d learn it line for line.

****************

Is it lazy to repost chapters of my old fics?

Yes. But. who cares bc otherwise these scenes wouldn't have any reach outside of readers of the series.

I would like to take a sec to promo the series, its got an oc so i know its not for everyone and its long, but it deals with sa, sh, childhood trauma all that shit.

Thank you for reading ILY CLEEMMMMMMMMM

@runa-falls @campingwiththecharmings @fandxmslxt69 @whatthefishh @ahookedheroespureheart @littlenosoul @eyelessfaces @hon3yboy @ivystoryweaver @steven-grants-world @mikaelak @stevenandmarcslove @pikapuff-316 @del-ightfulling @faretheeoscar @boysddontcry @harriedandharassed

[fanofthelamb]

So I went dumpster diving in my tablet for the first lamb I ever drew and WOW... I found a lot of sketches I really don't plan on revisiting. I am jsut gonna dump them below the cut for people to see!! Some of it is lore related, some of it is shit I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATE, but IDC!!! I will post it anyway for the tumblr users who I keep an eye on my notifs for. (yes, i see you guys. even if i dont always interact I see you and love you guys)

Anyway, here is the earliest drawin I have of me drawing the lamb!! I am going to write a comment under a lot of these to add context to them.

A cute little baby <3333 but I struggled a LOT of figuring out what the lamb was wearing, I eventually figured it out though. (I hope)

if you know, you know. (RIP VAL)

for my BTG AU. I decided I no longer wanted chemach to make the [spoiler] for the lamb, though, so I scrapped this

vaaaal,,,,,, i was still learning how to draw him, i wish i put pants on him but do those even exist in COTL? (yes)

I haven't been able to do much with them because I'm putting other stuff first, but Brear has two kids, Notre and Brejul who Narinder absolutely ADORES. he is the one who babysits.

fun fact but the lamb being touch repulsed is a projection LOL. i hate it when people touch me it feels so tickly and makes me want to bite their faces off. (but i am touch starved and i LOVE to show affection to other ppl, esp thru back rubs)

yes, they have a hoop for personal space. no, ill never use it.

drum corcl,,,, i love the little dancing guy that comes from the drums

more narinder and brear. they're not romantically interested in each other, but he is absolutely head over heels for brear, their brother, and the kids. they even call him dad sometimes.

[no context]

kallamar and leshy before their crowns. the scene i have related to this isn't happening anymore, but it was leshy begging to be taught to swim.

another "the one who baby sits" doodle. the bishops all came into the cult with a very good repuation thanks to narinder. he likes to tell the kids of the cult stories about how amazing his siblings were. at first, it was just to nobre and brejul with stories about leshy(he missed leshy a lot even though he was still mad at him, and the two reminded narinder of his time with leshy), but then it escalated into him hosting storytimes with larger groups after they started repeating some of the stories he'd tell them.

unfinsihed stuff about with the lamb and thier mom. their mom wasn't afraid of the bishops at all, but knew that they were a still a threat to her and her child's life. the lamb did NOT care for anyone thier mom didn't approve of/enthusiastically liked. they were much more afraid of the bishops than their mother.

i do not actually know if i posted this.i dont think so, but i giggle every time i scroll past it

brear and nobre <333

im still workong on BTG shit, and i post a little bit of the characters on here even tho the comics are going to be posted elsewhere. they have a "crownlike" beak, but a body part. there's different creatures who became gods through different ways; crowns are one way but their power is stuck with the crown and they are considered extremely weak compared to other gods. i wont blabber on about it tho.

so many sketches has random lines through em because i work with a tablet,,, i hate it. anyway, narinder and kallamar everybody!

sketches i made but didn't bother to finish of me and merbre,,,,,,,,, my husband #1 <3 them w/ narinder + merbre arent gonna be considered "canon" but damn it ill self-ship with them until i get a follower i can WORK with

i come back to this every few weeks and im never happy with it, i dont know if ill finish this but i think about them........ before the divorce </3

unused from an ask

heartstealer. menace. you can rip my heart out anytime, leshy <3

dreshy. he LOVES dresses and being pretty and cute and pretty. he sucks narinder into a lot and heket will sometimes join in if he demands asks her to <3

another unused drawing from an ask i'll eventually answer. (mildly offended at being called a mutton cube.)

.... aaand WOW! I think that's everything guys!! things are still kinda wild but they're calming down a little bit. idk how much longer it's gonna last like this but I have some energy so I made a way-too-long post showing off art I wasn't supposed to post! Awesome. :D

[rrat-king]

walk with me bird,,, thinking about kristen's lack of self preservation especially in sophmore year- she does crazy shit again and again and it is funny but like. when you actually look at it, its like this elaborate performance. so much going on in kristen's brain, losing her family, (we know she's clearly still thinking about it with the start of sy being her returning to her brothers) losing her religion and then recreating it and still feeling lost.

all her life being full and told that this is the thing- that will protect you as long as you are good so kristen is good and then realizes oh. i was meant for something terrible actually, my church who vowed to protect me is actually trying to make me a hellmouth. like oh. great well i dont feel safe in that anymore, im always arguing with my parents because even they are still polluted with their religion but she lets it go she tries to find something else. and then she ends fy with her new religion and immediately doesnt like it, over the summer it still doesnt click and she changes it again, she puts her faith or even lack of it at the forefront as she does these insane choices, like a leap of faith. like oh someone has got to save me if i do this- surely someone will. (also pushing my agenda of kristen's faith eventually forming into believing in her friends bc they are the ones who always save her not the gods even though i do love cass)

like ally talking about chaos not being cute anymore really makes me think of all this- because it's like kristen being like oh well if it goes wrong than at least it's some sort of relief from this pressure of being something and at least im not plagued with thinking about not being good enough for my own parents. like her being so not aggressive but trying to counter sandralynn too- like not wanting to view her as a parental figure but as a person. kristen like almost tries to parent her in a way which sounds weird but its very like she can't turn it off in her head because she's been raised with expectation so she does feel on the same level as adults when in reality she is not but kristen believes like oh i can solve this here maybe u shouldnt be doing this thing in her relationship. i think part of it is kristen not wanting to see a parent become better and then have to wonder why her's didn't. like was she not enough for them to want to me better. it's so complex i adore kristen's character and it kinda surprises me how often she becomes very 2d in the fandom but alas, many thoughts about her

i am absolutely walking with you. i love what your talking about with her dynamic with sandra lynn (which. i will always be crazy about her and sandra lynn they are just both so intersting in thier relationships) but yeah it makes a lot of sense that she doesn't know how to properly interact with her if you think about the amount of pressure she has been given to be a spiritual leader through church or if you hc her as a parentified older sister to her little brothers (which i do personally) so she's not thinking about her interaction with sandra lynn as like, a regular adult cuz she hasn't really had those interactions before, especially when it comes to an adult not trusting her.

and i think that's why she just feels so insane in sophmore year, jsut like, she's going from something super rigid to something where it feels like she can do anything and that's fucking scary. like she has a place to stay but she doesn't really have any parents to answer to, she has a god but she has so much doubt it doesn't feel reliable, all she really has as stability is her friends and her girlfriend, and i feel like she is just incredibly reckless cuz like, she's doing better but its almost like she has nothing to lose? but she does. and she did, and i think that was what beardsley was saying about the chaos not being cute anymore, like kristen was acting like she was invinvible at times and that not only got her hurt, but also those around her, and im excited to see how she grows from that.

[sunnychuuya]

Cutely sobs knowing om nearing the end of sally face

I finished it.

Hey so guess who's looking up a toturoail

Whys the screen so fuckn dark

Me when I forget my lefts and rights do I start going never eat soggy waffles

I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I DID THAT LAST NIGHT

"we are the shadows of a sleepless dream" fucking banger line??

I cannor handle seeing Diane rn I'm gonna sob

H9LY SHIT SUCH COOL ARTSTYLE

Guys I don't actually think I like the cult I kinda died cuz of them !!

having thr t

Guys this is not girlpop

ash wt Oh yirl WHAT THE FHELL DONT DOT AHT

GUYS I JUST TOLD MT FRIEND THIS DOESNT HAVE GRAPHIC SEWERSLIDE FUCK

GUYS WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED

ARE WE JUST GONNA FUCKING

BRUSH PAST THAT?!

WHAT THE FUCK

THE FUCK FUCK THE FUCK SHIT?!

-"how many loved ones will you kill to save the world. What will be Left worth saving" crying sobbing screaming throwing up

Also am I hallucinating or was that not grammatically correct

No it was

It just doesn't sound like it

"They deserve happiness after all the shit they've been through" me when the entirety of this fucking game

"Do you.. do you think anyone could ever love me like they love each other?" I'm gonna bawl my fucking eyes out sal you're amazign

STOP.

THIS IS NOT FAIR.

NOT THE MEMEORY COMING FROM THE FUCKING BOTTLW

THTA WAS LIKE THE WORST LARRY COULDVE DONE IT TOO

God

Fucking damnit

Larry was sposed to move in with them.. they were sposed to be happy.. nghehhe

NOT THE FUCKING CORPSES

SHIT

QHY

Hmm. Another textbook case of: I hate the characyer until they fucking die tragically

Sal no we're not defending her she still kinda ducked

WHAT THE FUCK

HAH?!

Woah ghsotie arm

Cofnused as shit ngl and this music is terrfyding

oh no! Why is everyone gone!

Giving "why is boss music playing" vibes

UHH GUYS FUCKKKK

SHIT THIS FAME COLLECTING ART STYLES LIKE POKEMON

stop. I love this. So cool.

Yea I don't quite like that. Kinda uhh sus thats like the things that humans grow in in movies

cutely Google safe combination

FUCKKK BRO THE REASON KENNY SHOT SAL IS BC OF THE PROPHECY THING... DAMN GOOD THING HE SUCKS AT SHOOTIJG PPL TOO (the like 300 ppl who died:)

Wait what Jim's latter

JumPSACRW

Guys! Thats so not girlypop!

What rhe fuck!

"You killed them" NO SHIT?!

Me after game over immesirlat

Oh wow thats so cute murder great

CHAT MY CONTEOLLERA DYOPEED AORKING HELPPPPP

OH KENNWTH WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT HOE WHYXDID YOU GOOPIE

MA BOY LARRY WHY U LOOK LIKE THAT 😭 💀

guys oop I apparently missed the thing where u see sal get shot lmao

Its fine I already knew what happened

I just looked it up and what the florp bro

chat I hate this like they all die and they can't even live happily ever after in the afterlife its just not fair.

YAYAYYAYA GHODT GUITAR

Hol up- lemme clean my glasses for this.

"eat mt ass, you red eyed birch!" ILY larry

TRAVIS LWTS FUCKING GO

YES

UES

YES

FUCK

LETS FUCKING GooooOOOOOOOO

WAIT SHIT DID JE JSUT DIE 💀

...

Fuck.

ITS NOR WORKFING

Yeah okay I knew it wouldn't be thst easy but. One can hope.

AHHHHH PIXEL SAL

Yeee guitar blasts

Pew

Pew

FUCK YOU CANT GO FROM SILLY PIXEL SAL TO

EVERYONE WE LOVE IS DEAD BRUTALLY

I diedieidid

Chat have we considered I suck at video games

I just died 3 tomes in a row

fifth death (end me)

I DIDING IT

Oh fuk pixem sal

WHY IS MY ARM GOING NUMB

SAL UR SPOSED TO POSSES ASH NOT ME

NOT THE GREATEST TIME LOWKEY TRYNA PLAY THE GAME

Ooh chairs

Oh duck that scared me

God damnit Terrence

SHUT UP THIS GAME IS SO FUCKING COOL

When I started playing sally face, would I ever have thought I would be whisper screaming "VOMIT YOUR BALLS TERRENCE!" at 12 37 am, he'll fucking no. But it happened.

This is why I am unloved.

What da fuck

Polyrgorns

THE FUCKING MICKEY MOUSE

GLITCHY SAL

Uhh I don't like how the teeth skin is closing in

UNBELEIVILBLY HYPE

Sal really said with the power of music and friendship

wdym it don't feel like over

LARRY DOUBLED DIED WHAY THE FUCK

"Maybe we see him again someday. On the other side of oblivion. If there is such a place." then it just fades out. This game is absolutely amazing.

I love it but it also lowkey felt so incomplete

Like

Idk the ending felt a little fast.

like very satisfying but it felt rlly fast.

But also sf2 is a thing in progress I know

@mypinterestgotbannedsoimherenow

[intertexts]

OKAY. HI HI HI HI HI. THOUGHTS ON NHW MAL POWERS

i am going 2 leave the actual classification up to you because i dont have the innate sense of them yet like i do for classpects and such and i know im banned from the wiki rn so ill just talk about. base level What I Think He Can Do.

FIRST OF ALL. THE BIG THING. GHOUL. so. technically if i remember correctly. mal isnt a planeswalker like william is so ghoul is technically a separate being? ghoul is his guide, which is what allows him to go between the real world and the spirit world. HOWEVER. ghoul is nothing to me so in nhw world i think he should just be like. a separate form. mal turns into ghoul and its the same consciousness u know? hes the same guy hes just a freak now. worm comparison i am thinking is like. what rachel does to her dogs except hes doing it to himself. with the gross muscles and bones and big mouth and shit.

OTHER THAN THAT i thinkkkkkk. ok. hear me out. i am going 2 base this on a tweet bizly made forever ago (that im SO MAD i cant find a picture of rn) but the basics was like. u remember that nightmare dakota had back in season 1 where he saw william and vyncent kill summer . that was a nightmare that mal gave him in order to split the three of them up. SO WHAT IF. nhw mal has some sort of dream/mind manipulation abilities or something. hes had so many moments where he just like. appears out of the shadows in order to get them to do what he wants im just imagining the horror of that from an outside perspective just seeing one of the heroes mid battle just Fall Asleep for a while. but to them its like nothing happens and they dont realize it until he leaves and theyre waking up. do you see my vision here.

either that or i think his powers should be like. kind of countered to wibby? i know in pd his powers are similar to williams bc hes a ghost and everything but. im thinking we dont do that in nhw. INSTEAD. maybe in ghoul form or whatever he has heightened senses/abilities that allow him to see through things like invisibility and touch things that are intangible. (thinking abt this strategy-wise, it would be their goal to take him down as mal BEFORE he transforms bc then he becomes almost impossible for william to fight) . maybe this seems too targeted against william specifically but im jsut thinking like. ghoul in general just makes him more powerful and those are just a couple specific advantages he gets? uh oh im running out of words in my brain help

MAYBE THIS IS. TOO MUCH IN TOO MANY DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. so he doesnt have to have all of these at once. i am really just throwing spaghetti noodles at your inbox and seeing what sticks to the wall or whatever the phrase is. hi it took me like an hour to type all of this bc i kept getting distracted and forgetting words!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAHHHH YAYUAYAY THIS IS ALL GOOD SPAGHETTI!!!!!!! too much in too many directions is so fun dude i fucking love being the rubber ducky for shit like this!!

i REALLY ENJOY fucked up body horror changer shit... ough. (thats what him physically changing like rachels dogs would b, as opposed 2 breakers who-- oh god it's too late for this. umm. physical change different than energy form etc.)... he should get 2 be a weird terrifying freak thing. with bone & blood n stuff. & there's precedent for changing in a way that alters ur senses & powers etc..... maybe he choose what and how he transforms to respond in a certain way or target a certain scenario. i dont wanna go fishing rn but remind me tmrw n i'll rb this with some screenshots from ward of the guy im thinking of who this reminds me of!!

that being said the idea of him having big mind manipulation stuff is also SO compelling. god. being able to like... create illusions & scenarios that are completely fake. delude people or put them to sleep or mess with their cognition in ways they dont even notice... alter perception of reality.... especially if he has a wide range of effect?? that goes hard!!! how long would it last... how would u snap out of it... could he make u feel stuff that's not real??? ok ok ok getting off track. anyway. i love the idea of a fight with him being timed because he's transforming.... maybe a form that's just. very good at Seeing Things? mal/ghouls original job was like, as a cleaner for clarence, right? making sure everything in the afterlife's in order? so many choices...

[chainmail-butch]

Idk idk idk its late and im not sober butlike. Theres cis butches, nonbinary butches, genderqueer/blur the line butches, transmasc butches... so your blog was the first time I saw transfem btuch talked about and I was like thank fucking god. OF COURSE there's trans women who are btuch this just rounds everything out so nicely and its great. I am so glad theres trans butches in this world and it genuinely makes me feel so much more validated as a transmasc btuch and i love in general when trans women have a funky gender thing going on cuz im just like oh so you're like a girl but not exactly and you're masc but in like a dyke way so what youre saying is you're jsut like me fr. Btw

I also feel weird and torn about your post about trans women treating your gender weirdest cuz I have a freind who transitioned and went stealth years before I met her and she used to be so weird about me being masc like she sent me ARTICLES. Fucking articles about how btucues should wear women's clothes and a bit of makeup so they look better and it was so annoying and when I found out she was trans and came into that during like 2013 I was like ohhhhhh someone had instilled this idea that you must conform to a specific look to be worth having around and you thoguht you were doing me a favor (she grew out of it though so we're gucci, I kinda just called her weird for saying those things so i think she worked thorough it herself) and sometimes the stuff you say reminds me of that idk maybe there's a word for the internalized something or other ?

Sorry if this isn't comprehensible im a little high and I cant read it over because its too many words so sorry have a good night! or morning! Or something I think

Thank you so much for sending this ask, I was going through it last night and this meant a lot to me.

I think a lot of it (gender non-conformity/Issues with masculinity in those who claim womanhood) is rooted in misogyny, and I think the internalized something or other here is internalized Misogyny/Lesbophobia/Transphobia.

A lot of people are visibly upset when a big butch dyke walks onto the scene even if they themselves don't understand why. I think its the same or similar to the gut reaction that people get when they encounter trans women. Which is why, I imagine, your friend thought she was being helpful.

I hope you had a chill night

[gayspock]

i need to stop freaking it um

in myheadi know what people must fucking think of me and the derisive fucking thoughts they most surely have whenever id even briefly mention that. no i do not want to go into fucking therapy ever again. it does not fucking help me and in facct i am fucking telling you it categorically makes it worse. i mean everything makes it fucking worse. im patiently waiting for a fucking suggestion that does not make it fucking worse. but peopledont like it when you point out it genuinely, genuinely is a fucking lost cause. oh woophy doo. and something soemthing. its not fucking bad experiences im not that fucking stupid . i mean well yes, in fucking fairness there Have been those.

(re: the whole waiting for a fucking suggestion. just a small, simple fucking thing that wont make everything. so much worse. i cant help it. everything just fucking exacerbates every little fucking thing. i cant find anything. even stupid shit like fucking breathing exercises just make me fucking lose it . any attempt t o do anyhting just makes it worse worse worse. i feel like a fucking quittter and a n idiot and like theres something so fucking wrong with me. i know youre meant to go through hardship and its not easy but i cant fucking do it any more. i cant fucking keep doing it when i keep trying these thingsfor years and it just keeps slipping back and theres no one fucking there but the vcague judgement from some people who see snippets of you consistently fucking failing . ytoure not doing wenough youre not trying hard enough why cant you just fucking accept that it takes work. i dont know i wishthe effort mattered for once i wish it made a single difference nothing has meant anything and i just feel like im going crazy and its so fucking meaningless and its not even worth it any more. just one fucking day where itpicks up just a little fucking bit one fucking thing that wont solve anything but relieves it slightly but i cant fucking find any of it and i feel like im just being fucking worn down repeatedyly and its still never meaning anyhting ive said it i'll say it again its not fucking worth it and its never going to be worth it its never going to make up for it i dont fucking care or . Whatever)

but whatever the fucking therapy ting how do youfucking explain yes bad bad fucking experiences shitty fucking experiences ones that have never done anything but made irt worse. (oh so why dont you go seek help. easy i have never felt any smaller, or worsde as a fucking person after attempting to seek help proffessional or not. so no fine fuck me i guess i fucking have my reservations) but also just a fucking structural issue. a fucking trhis is just not fucking feasible issue. people just fucking say Go to therapy! :) at you like its some fucking magic fucking spell and tyhats the tsame thing with everything. people dont actually want to know. people dont actually fucking care what happens to you.theres that One Single fucking solution and if it ius not fucking helpful or god forbid even ccessible what do you fucking do. i feel so fucking helpless and fucking want to give up i really fucking need to give up sometime fucking soon i dont care any more . i havent cared what am i talking about. my point is fucking christ itds always the same fucking thing. i dont know how to even fucking describe it. fucking like

like jsut that samer fucking unifying issue of epople slapping some empty fucking platittude in your face without fucking listening to you. no i cannot fucking go to therapy where the fuck am i meant to access anything like that. and if i did what would it help. i can barely fucking communicate i cantbarely fucking talk any more. i cant explain anything i cant stand my fucking ground in a room i feel like im dying all the time. but thats just me not being ready and not trying hard enough and im not committing enough i thni k. but ci cant get there i keep trying i keep fucking trying to get there and im getting nowhere and i jusst fee l like im stupid and i am stupid and people get angry with you for saying that when they dont tereat you like youre aything BUT stupid . and i need helpo i know i need help but im jsut going in circles people telling me im not doing anything for help people telling me that i need help epople telling me im not good enough for help and whats that you feel worse you feel run down you dont have any faith in any of this youre a fucking stupid idiot you want this youre making it worse for yourself what the hell else is there and what good is there and why why why what else do i fucking do at this point i dont have anything else i feel like im going crazy you need to be stable to try and be in peoples lives you needd to be a fully formed person to be loved ands something thast isnt just a black fucking hole i dont know ui cant do anything by myself i keep trying and it doesnt help but i dont think iot mattrers i say its such a fucking lost cause

like i dont fucking know i cannot possibly think of anything thatr would push me closer to fucking pitching myself off the tyne bridge than being forced into cbt what am i meant to say other than this fucking feels like a living fucking nightmare and im fucking telling you activelty how fucking much this fucking approach fucks with my head hohhhhhh. thank god that 90% of the time the nhs does not only offer this and only this most of the time because its cheap and easy to push out, and if you dont feel comfortable doing it youre most likely axed or maybe a another few years of waiting and more hoop jumping, a several year long waiting list. and then what its still never going to fuckin wwork out you cant fucking talk still you cant fucking mnage anything its so ufcking uncontrollable and the truth is theres nothing anyone could fucking say to you. theres no talking your way out of it oyou cantalk for hours and fucking hours to yourself and it never makes a difference theres never been a fucking moment of fucking this will be afine you can talk to people it makes it worse what do they say theres nthing to do i am not fucking dpressed and i am going crazy because people call me crazy lets get on a waiting list to be told that its probably one longer than it is to get with a fucking Dentist in this fucking country ( to eventry anything else when youve already waited several to get where you are and you dont think you have that much longer left you think youre dead yesterday . oh sorry whats that. whats that come again? oh you dont fucking. oh thats it right but what sorry you jsut havbe to keep doing it and doing it and doing it and if you give up thats your fault i dont FUCKING CARE MAN PEOPLE MAKING FUN OF YOU, youre a self pitying asshole for not doing it for not trying hard enough for not having people who love you why dont you go out and fucking talk to people )ikeep trying i keep trying ) its like nobody believes that yes it is jsut this fucking hopeless it is this fucking pointless i do keep trying but its just so so fucking stupid endless fucking circles

the dentist bit is funny i think thats funny i wonder i feel like that se exact same people would say that you know i lost two teeth in the end because of how fucking stupid the fucking healthcare system is in this country sorry i should have fucking sat there and just Did it Faster and how you jsut cant fucking get onto anythin g but no no come on fucking sit there and fucking tell me thet thers a way out i should have just waited longer and tried reall y hard! guess what hint hint thw waiting the never having anything to f it is what made it worse is what made it unsalavegabel there is no magic make this better fucking button when its so fucking far gone when everything just rejects it when there is no fucking other way but to rip it out and fucking chuck that cunt away but i dont know i dont know i think i never had a chance sometimes i think there was never going to be a way out i think im just so upset i think i keep criyng like this knowing how fucking wrong i was for not ending i i think i feel like an idiot i think about all the fucking years of ttuying to what ther conclusion is never changing it wont fucking chance i think im crazzzzzyyyy maybe

[firebuug]

HELLOO!! waving really really fast :] 4, 9 and 26 for the oc ask game mmmaybe?

HII looks at u with giant boba eyes. sorry this gets really long because u asked me a music related question. this is unavoidable

4. How did you find the name for a certain character?

god so a lot of my ocs come pre-named, like my lobcorp ocs (all randomly generated ingame) and some of my town of salem ocs (buggy comes from the firebug skin, skuggy is just...sk (serial killer) buggy....) but i think i can list some (slightly more) interesting ones :3

will (my g corp housefly limbus oc) comes from the author of the poem he comes from, william blake

maggie (one of the names of julian's boss) comes from maggot lol

adànor (my dnd character based off...adam lobcorp) was difficult because i was stressin like "uhhhghh how do you name an elven characterrrrrr" but i found this fun website and used it to come up with a first and last name! i chose the prefix Adàn because it's literally jsut the spanish way to say adam lol....also bcuz im hispanic and it sounds better than just a d a m .... used the suffix -or because it sounded nicest and elfy lol, it also means flower (just according to this little site) which is fun. his last name is caldeth which sounds epic but also means eternal faith which...fits his character lol. i pulled up a bunch of name meanings for adàn and used the one i liked most LMFAO so in the early days of the campaign (when he was still innocent.......and very egotistical lol) he'd introduce himself like "i am adànor caldeth, which means earth flower of undying faith . . " or some pretentious shit like that. it was pretty funny while it lasted

bierrab kaluk (my aaracokra dnd character, which is a giant bird) is literally just mangled up "birb" and "cluck" LOL. my friend fuzz helped me come up w this one and it stuck

5. What is one of your character’s theme songs?

GIGGLES....so this is difficult bc i have whole playlists for ocs rather than single songs, but i can definitely go through and pick out the songs that fit the most for them?

julian is hard because you kind of need the Whole playlist to get a gist of all of the multitudes he is made up of. man stuck in a time loop. man who is exhausted but keeps running anyways. man who cant stop thinking he is full of bugs and worms. man who is deeply in love with someone who keeps dying. but my friend showed me a few songs that really clicked so i can say that as of rn the most julie themes are for the departed and rule 21: momento mori :3

eva. grabs him so hard squeezes him SHAKES HIM AROUND SO HARD. his are piedmont by destroy boys (the autism. the alienation of being raised on one track his whole life isolated from normality (he was a nestie raised solely to work at a wing) and having nothing in common with anyone because all he was allowed to be was a success story. nostalgia for memories he's never had (time loops erased except for little bits and pieces from past abnormalities. he woke up one day knowing how to play perfect piano from la luna). blue. dissociation. eva song fr) and usseewa by ado (if youve listened to this song you know. corporate slave anger and rage. u get it). as a bonus his distortion themes r machine gun poem doll by cosMo-P and abnormality dancin girl by guchiry

adanor's is 100% cannibal by tally hall im so fucking normal about this i can't explain it completely but it fits in line with how his plot went and its. grips . GRIPSSSSS GRIPS he's haunted by his dead wife. to the point where he will undergo horrors and get actually ripped apart for her if its what she wants. he ends up getting manipulated by an evil entity disguising herself as his dead wife into sevrving her by doing exactly that. and he just believed it was her because she loves him and would do him no wrong. hiding in the corners disguised....he's really idolizing the blood moonstone and not his dead wife and he had no idea....until he finally opens his eyes later on but it's too late he's been consumed by what's manipulated him and it's left a permanent scar onto him he doesn't think he'll be able to redeem himself from.....grins so hard my teeth fall out

narae has hall of fame by jeff rosenstock. he has a specific brainrot that causes him to think everyone is out to get him and he needs to constantly be proving himself. he needs to be the one on top at all times etc etc he needs to be competitive until he dies

ummm bonus but. julipede's theme song is bug by kairiki bear teehee. i love how frantic and energetic it is but also u can Feel the paranoia radiating off of it. i love the silly double meaning it has for julipede because bug as in "disease / glitch / illness" ya but also BUG BC HES A BUG.......also i. cant pick apart the lyrics rn but. um. he's . Yeah

26. What’s your favorite relationship/dynamic between a set of OCs?

IDK IF YOU CAN TELL BUT IM A BIG FAN OF DUBIOUSLY ONE-SIDED FRIENDSHIPS. i love it when some guy is so sure he is this other guy's best friend but that other guy wants him to die so so so badly. and the other guy refuses to admit that the only reason he hasnt beat the other guy into a pulp is because that guy genuinely makes his life a little better. this is the julian + eva dynamic and it is also the dynamic between buggy and skuggy the alternate universe besties / twins . also the dynamic between salamander and narae...i just really like it ok.

[unicornsaures]

urrrhhhhhvggggg i try not to make vent posts a whole ton but alas, ya girl is not doing so hot

tw// sh😁

guys do not do what i did and like. purposely trigger yourself with your own sh from a year ago because oh my god in. its. i feel so absolutely fake my scars were so much worse last year and now theyre just gone and i thought i was fully recovered its bren a year and. and im still crying over it and i thought i was done crying over it. I thought i was done crying over literal scars and i was. i mean i thought i was exaggerating when i said the closrr i get to the date ill br one year clean its getting worse and. nope! no, no that checks out!!

Its all my fault i got triggered in the first placr too. I knew what i had in my eyes only wnd i knew that checking it would only make me spiral and here i am just. crying over it. its sending me back to last year where its i just its only oj my hod i csnt be doing this again i really csnt be doingthis again ive bren doing so well and then. and i dont want to i really dont but im still tjinking about it and im still telling myself i want to but i dont i never did i always wanted to say ive been 1 year clean but i dont think ill rver even be able to make it to that point if i keeo self sabotaging like this. i mean t barely even counts ive basically just replaced cvtting with eevry other unhealthy coping mechanism under the sun but i should be better than this i shouldnt rven be thinking sbout it i shouldnt even be thinking that i can go back i shoulfny be in this situation at all and if it werent for me i wouldnt even be in this situation in the first placr ebcause i dont know how to keep myself away from tjings that i really need to stay away from

i really shouldnt be caught ip on this but its. i was. i was thinking aboht whag would happen if i would look back on photots earlier and and i knew i wouldnt be okay with it i knew i would snap the moment i did and wow its almost like forced recov only made me feel guilty for it and ohmygod kill me now i should be better than this i should be better than thjs ive had crisis called so many times ive been threatened by my parents for this so many times im worrying eveyrone around me and im only getting worse and everyone has to wastch me spiral but they cant do anything because im jsut too fucking oblivious to my own issues but im just too scared to readh out to anyone because how am i gonna say that i triggered myself without sounding like i planend this i didnt i swear i didnt plan to break down over this i promise i didnt mean for it i didnt want to cry over it i dont want to think abiut it anf i dont want to go back ive been doing sowell i swear im just worrying rveryone i dont want everyone to start checking in on mr in the morning just to make sure im still alive i font want people to messagr me in the middle of the night to make sure im not dead im so sorry ik so sorry

im just as tired as i was last year the only difference is thst im not actively trying to kill myself over it even if i really. wiuld like to thats besides the point the point is im just as weak of a girl as i was last year but last year i could at least hanfle pain now i just fucking snap whenever someone raises their voice or whenever i get. acut i break down and whenever i get hurt it only reminds me of the past 4 years that ive spent doing nothing but putting myself through mental hell and im realizing tbat ill never get begger i cant get better ive bren trying and i just csnt

i cant do it ive tried ive been trying why am i not getting anywhere why am i still stuck on the thought of sh i shouldnt be thinking about it i shouldnt miss it i shouldnt be upset that my scars are faded i shouldnt still have the ideas and images swirling aorund in my head because theyre always there and ill always have these scars and ill always br fucked ip and i wont ever be able to fix it ive had so many people worry and theyre worrying and worrying and i just dont care im such a horrible person i

i shiuldvr stopped for my parents they had to skin check me dsily for almodt a year straight and here i am just fucking itching to go grab something, literally anything just to go back and in so stupid im so stupid i did this to myself and im still being a pussy about it i shouldnt be thinming abiut it i shouldnt be crying over it whats wrong withme

[angelicalbones]

just rambling about current events in my life happening right now its a stupidly long whinefest

boyf has been hella depressed the past few days and ive been checking in like "hey do you wanna talk" and every time he says no and doesnt engage any further. he also has told me before about how I linger and suffocate him too much so ive been trying to just do my own thing until he wants to engage

this morning I get up and come sit out on the couch w him bc he once again did not come to bed and slept on the couch and he didnt say a fucking word to me didnt even look me in the eyes. which fine he does that, I curl up next to him and try to comment on the game hes playing and I dont even get the vaguest grunt in response.

Clearly he does not want to speak just like he didnt last night. AGain completely fine I will just go do my own thing so I dont just sit around awkwardly in silence and make him upset by being too close.

Cue him telling me out of no where he is going to his aunt's house bc he cant stand being in the house any longer. I have no issue w that but I can hear in his voice hes angry so I ask him whats wrong. Meaning 'what right now is making you angry' and he fucking snaps on me about how he hates being in the house and asks me if I think everything is fine which no I obviously do not think so but whatever I tell him its totally okay its fine he can go I wasnt gonna stop him I was just asking

he starts to say "im just upset that" and then stops himself and just says "well if you think its fine." and just books it out the door

if he comes home at all tonight I am fucking screwed. He is going to lose his fucking mind at me for giving him his space instead of sitting at his feet silently like a dog waiting for him to decide if he is going to give me any ounce of his attention. He will never fucking effectivly communicate when he would rather be sit w him v when I shouldnt I am literally just expected to know. I want to support him through fucking anything he is the love of my life but this depressive episode is coming at such severe cost to my already exceedingly fragile mental health.

hes just so god damn mean to me when hes like this I cant take it. Im exhausted of never having the right answer. Never doing the right thing. He will say I am the kindest most supportive partner to other people but the second I dont magically know which contradicting behavior he is expecting from me I am the cruelest most evil disgusting sociopathic abuser he knows. I dont know what to do about it. I have no family here. I'm completely alone. if this goes sideways my entire life is over

I have to quit my job, abandon all of my things and move back in w my parents across the country. He has roots here he has family who support him here. He likes to pretend hes this sad little island all alone when Im the one who has *nothing* to my name if he dumps me. He owns like 99% of the shit in this house not that I could move back w anything I own anyway I dont own the fucking car.

he holds my life in his hands but he is the persecuted victim here. hes the one who will lose everything bc of me.

Im realizing hes treating me the way his father treated him and he doesnt comprehend that. Hes being exactly like his father.

i dont know if I can fix that. i dont know what to do w this realization. i jsut wnat to sleep for a thousand years and wake up to a partner who doesnt hate me or lovebomb me.i just want a normal life for 5 seconds

[sams-venting]

Ough ok, today's eaps episode really Got to me and boy I was not prepared

I find it interesting, that the things that would trigger and harm other people, I love to seek out as a hobby. Shock sites, well made args, real life disappearances in the woods, existential conspiracy theories, etc. shit my schizo ass Really shouldn't be indulging but I do anyway for the sillies even tho it triggers persecutory hallucinations (please for the love of God don't do as I do). I find morbid and gorey shit fascinating

but then you just, have something simple as a 'make a wish kid' concept in a silly little VRC rp. and. it really fucks with me

because like, I'm never Not aware of how little time I have left. I am constantly under the ticking tower of death. Everyone talks about graduating college, getting a career, getting married, being able to live on their own. and I?-

I am just stuck. I'll maybe get to accomplish One of these and that's it. Knowing that I most likely won't live to see my 30s. And in two more months, the clock ticks down to 6 years left. 6 years till I develop bone marrow cancer or skin cancer from my immunosuppressant. And that's assuming that I survive till then, the never ending surgeries that remove my organs piece until there's nothing left; assuming I don't catch a skin or respiratory infection that everyone else can fight off except for me; assuming that I don't resume trying to overdose like I should've done when I was 14, before the universe decided I was a parasite it had to slowly kill off; assuming I survive living in a sundown town; assuming I don't die in a freak accident like a normal american on the highway; assuming I don't give into the impulse to do opiods to escape the neverending pain; assuming I'm able to get my shit together and take care of myself without having some needing to intervene before I literally wither away; etc. I could keep going about how the former prognosis is infact a positive outlook by all calculations.

Surprisingly, I've come to terms with this a few years ago. It's not a big deal. Well I mean it is, but it's nothing that can't be worked around. Everyone lives on borrowed time, we are never promised tomorrow anyway. The wise say to live like very day is you last, and whether I like it or not, I have the most reason to follow that compared to the average Joe

But what they don't tell you, is that, you never go through the grieving process once or twice. When you know your time is going to be up in less than a decade, it doesn't Ever stop. You just suffer the same stages over, and over, and over, and over again. Till you're fine. and then the next day your brain decides the last dozen times wasn't enough, time to process the state of our mortality all over again :) bc why not :) :) fml in particular ig

And honest to God that is the worst part of this all. It's not the colonoscopies, it's not the endoscopies, it's not the surgeries, it's not the thousands of needles that I've been stabbed with to the point where I can rate nurses like it's doordash. It's the grieving process that won't stop repeating once you know you're going to die

Anyway I just- I don't even know if I can finish the episode, and I'm only a few minutes in. This might honestly be the first video I'll ever have to skip. and it's SO FUCKING STUP:ID. Like I can go through all of this other bullshit jsut fine and not bat an eye, but THIS, THIS IS THE BREAKING POINT??? Fucking pathetic. I hate myself so mcuh tjhis is so stupid and I hate it. I think what I hate most is how I can never fucking get over myself. boo hoo so fcuking what. Just push through and stop being a limp dick coward for two mcfucking seconds. It's not even real, are we really gonna get our panies bunched up over pixles ona fucking screen? Is this Really the level we want to stoop to? Fukcing piece of shit good for nothing idiot.

It's not like I don't know Why it affects me so badly. It's all so stupid but I Know why. For fucks sake, I got body slammed into fnaf as a whole to cope with the fact my grandma literally got admitted to the hospital for emergency brain cancer surgery on the hour of Thee solar eclipse that happened in April. When she got admitted to hospice in May and we were dealing with the funeral, obsessing over the dca and later solar lunacy and TSAMS was the only thing keeping me sane.

Words cannot describe accurately just how fucked it is not only to watch someone else lose their mind as they're dying (and knowing that one day that's going to be me, and that's the future I have to look forward to), but also get slapped with traumatic flashbacks from my own medical procedures. It's almost funny in a twisted way how the simple smell of saline solution and cleaning alcohol can fuck a guy up. Istg I've never had my surgery scars impossibly itch in the worst way possible except when I'm around it in recovery wings.

Honestly I wish none of it affected me. Not to be selfish on main or anything, I'm just sick of wasting wasting what precious little time I have on pissing and moaning over things no one can change.

Maybe I'll be in a better headspace to watch EAPS later tomorrow or something. Hopefully. I despise the idea of trauma having any control over what I do and don't do in my life, and if there's one thing anyone should know about me, it's that I live on pure spite. Nothing will stop me istg, even if it kills me. People identify as male or female, and then you have me, certified stubborn little shit supreme

P.S. If you know who I am, don't bother trying to contact me outside of this post. I'm making it 'anonomus' bc I don't want ppl pussy footing around with sympathy or any of that bs. It's not wanted, and I hate the simple concept of being treated differently just bc I'm medically fucked. I can't stand ppl throwing pity parties for me. I ain't got time for that shit. literally. Also I already have hives and a migraine from crying while venting, don't make me relive these emotions please

Anyway, this is your local lunatic signing off. I've got fanfiction to write before I die, and I refuse to kneel to fate until all 3 of my main projects are finished - Winter

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