#i think hermes would be delighted to know how very hot under the collar

[jacqcrisis]

so i am in the midst of reading watch the tide come in (am v slow reader so it is taking me a while, which i am enjoying immensely bc it means i get to live in here for So Long) and i am on the beach chapter n i gotta ask, since i haven't found it mentioned elsewhere in your blog: Charon's thoughts on Hermes' Very Short Shorts? Charon's thoughts this chapter in general, about Hermes going on dates or the sunscreen bit or uh any of several Moments shared ooorrrr anything really whatever u got, I like them very much and this chapter REALLY made me want to drive out to the beach today

I'm glad your enjoying it!

This chapter was jokingly called the Trial of Charon... by me. It’s also his ‘bonk go to horny jail’ chapter. This chapter exists exclusively for self-indulgent purposes and the idea of tormenting the lonely guy who’s finding out how to love again with a hyper-active wet horny dude in the smallest of shorts is *chef’s kiss* to me. And I know I've answered this kind of question before, but imma do it again

In 2nd person. As is my God-given right.

So imagine you're in your early thirties and you haven't had a relationship in five to six years. You're somewhere on the ace spectrum and are generally ambivalent to casual sex so this also translates into not having gotten laid in just as long. Which you're fine with as intimacy is generally lackluster to you if you don't have a connection with the person, its a lot of work and effort for not a lot of payoff, and your libido and capacity to be attracted to someone is a lot like a radio frequency that keeps changing. You've never been in tune with it, it comes and goes, and you've long since accepted this about yourself.

And Hermes is a guy you're interested in mostly romantically at this point and you'd really like your friendship to go in that direction, but you have reservations. The last relationship you had ended with enough heartache on your end that you swore off the whole deal in general, and as much as you like this goofy dipshit with all of his problems and his chronic inability to shut up, he's also young and probably isn't looking for the same amount of commitment you are and you aren't looking to get your heart broke again. Doesn't mean you're going to stop trying though cause you really like this guy and you'd be damned if you missed your shot.

Which is why you suggest the day out on the boat. Nice time alone together that, if you play your cards right, maybe can have more romantic angle? At no point do you factor in the reality that Hermes will be in swim trunks this entire time considering you’ve spent most of your life in Styx Beach and the sight of wet dudes in swimwear is, while aesthetically very nice, not exactly physically exciting. 

Then you walk into the shop and get blindsided by Hermes looking less like a snack and more like a whole goddamn buffet. For the first time in a long time, that radio frequency is coming in loud and clear thanks to this guy you’ve got a thing for who you know wants to get dicked down by you and you’re going to be alone with him on a boat for the whole afternoon. If you were a different kind of person, you’d say fuck it to your convictions, pick him up, and take him upstairs.

But you don’t cause you’re an adult with four businesses and more self control than you can shake a stick at and even if Hermes is interested in you, you’re not about to ruin a friendship by being a sex pest. You can survive one afternoon on a boat, though the whole sunscreen bit does make it one hundred times harder given Hermes’ bare back is quite inviting and you haven’t touched anyone like this in so long. It should not be understated how difficult it is not to slip underneath the waistband of the swim shorts and see if Hermes is amiable to your hands between his legs. 

At that point, you’re certain this afternoon is going to be a bust when Hermes joins you at the helm, but something takes your mind off the distractingly toned lines of his thighs. You should have known he’d start dating given you rejected him after the party and haven’t made much of a move since, but the words coming directly from the horse’s mouth leave you cold, panicking, and irritated completely with yourself. You had a chance weeks ago to clear the air when he was apologizing for his drunken pass, a chance to state what you really wanted out of this and maybe set you on the road to something more, but your apprehension and cowardice won out in the end and now he’s started dating in the meantime. 

He's not going to wait forever, and now its entirely up to you to make that move. But you're not great with words, and even if Hermes is flirting like it's his day job and looking at you like that while looking like that, you still can't bring yourself to say anything. But you know that all its going to take is one pretty girl and one good date and he's going to be out of your reach so you spend the rest of the afternoon hatching a plan.

Words aren't your strong suit, but actions are, and an idea occurs to you for one loud enough that you won't have to say a goddamn thing for Hermes to know exactly how you feel about him...