#i think he's being a good parent by providing chris a safe space and time and not breaking down his door ftr!!!

[mycenaae]

eddie i love you. eddie i know you are doing your best 99.9% of the time and you are trying so hard to hold everything together. eddie you have to stop handing hard conversations with your child off to your best friend (who loves christopher but is not his dad with all the baggage that carries with it!) because you're afraid you'll make things worse if you talk to him. eddie you have to learn how to work through these things together with christopher! for both your sakes! eddie i am so worried for you!

[halcyon-writings]

OK BUT SERIOUSLY SINCE REQUESTS R OPEN MAY I GRACIOUSLY REQUEST AN ETHAN WINTERS (RE8) X DAUGHTER READER (PLATONIC) WHOS A TEEN AND ACCOMPANIES HIM ON THE JOURNEY AND SHES REALLY PROTECTIVE OVER HER AND SHE DISAPPEARS IN THE DIMITRESCU CASTLE ONLY TO BE FOUND BY ETHAN LOCKED IN A OR SUM SHIT WAITING FOR ETHAN THANK YOU TAKE CARE OF URSELF IS THIS GOOD ENOUGH HSHAHAHAH

so idk if this was a request for hcs or a fic so i kind of just did a combo of the two

warnings/notes: canon typical violence, some mentioned re7 + village spoilers, gn!reader

It starts off how stories like these always do, a man has no need to go into a terrifying yet quiet town or farmhouse, but he does anyway, because he has a big heart to make up for the lack of rational sense. He knew something was wrong about Mia’s final video call, that her message was showing anything but the fact that she was safe. So he loaded up his car and got to driving.

And now who would’ve thought that it domino’d into Ethan Winters, currently hoisting up his teenaged child into a farm house’s window to unlock it from the inside so that a group of bloodthirsty lycans would not tear them apart, being here?

He wishes he could tell what you were thinking. When he had found you back at the Baker’s home, you were quiet, skittish, and scared. But unharmed for the most part, molded and the infected family alike seemed to avoid you. Well not Lucas, but he was the textbook example of homicidal, so Ethan supposed he didn’t count. Sure with the time passing, you had gotten comfortable, and the therapy Chris and his group had provided helped too. But you were still quiet for the most part.

Until something changed. Rather spending time with Mia, you kept to yourself in your room. Otherwise you kept around Ethan himself or baby Rose if the parents needed you to look after her while they worked during the day, or at least when Mia had strangely not wanted to keep Rose with herself at all times. At meal times you had made yourself scarce too, quickly finishing what you had on your plate and cleaning your dish, returning to your room. Mia’s behavior was strange and he had ticked it off as being concerned but wanting to give you your space.

“You know how teenagers are,” She would say with a simple shrug. “I’m sure whatever this phase is will end soon.”

And then it didn’t.

Because now you were being dragged out of your room by men in all sorts of gear with weapons pointed at you, Rose’s cries echoing throughout the dark house while you fruitlessly struggled against them. You hear Ethan call out for you, righteous anger and worry in his voice. You try and reach for him, but only feel a sharp pain at the back of your neck. Your vision goes dark and so does your consciousness follows soon after.

And that’s how you both end up here. The truck meant to transport you somewhere crashes. You ignore the bad feeling as you step out, snow crunching beneath your shoes. At least they let you put on decent shoes, your fuzzy slippers surely would’ve been soaked by the snow.

Ethan calls your name and you look up, he begins to take off the large jacket from the bodies, the bodies, left of the soldiers meant to take you to wherever Chris had wanted you to go. And your shivering form doesn’t help, a small and thin sweater only doing so much for you. It should’ve felt wrong to disrespect the dead like that but your mother- guardian was dead, and your baby sister was missing.

The village was an experience from hell, memories of the Baker House were quick to rear its ugly head. You try and cover your ears, eyes shut tight as you crouch in an attempt to make yourself smaller. From those, creatures almost mauling you and Ethan losing his fingers, to Luisa and those villagers, they did not deserve the gruesome end they got.

Ethan kneels beside you, hands cupping your head as he brings you close into an embrace, quiet assurances that you both will be leaving soon, finding Rose and going home. “I’ll protect you kiddo,” He swears, and you believe it. Your head is tucked under his chin, and Ethan remembers that you’re still a child too, his words to protect you weren’t just that, as he swears to himself. He would tear those things apart for both of his children, to make sure they could go home and live in peace. His heart clenches however, when his mind trails to Mia and how she would not be with them.

And then you reach a wine cellar of all places. Before you meet a mysterious man that makes goosebumps rise on your skin. And then a metal pipe goes through his leg, and the pair of you are encased in metal scrap, being dragged to who knows where. Finding yourselves in a cold chapel, in front

Although the worried look you send his way makes Ethan think maybe it was better off to be back in the wine cellar. As the man- Heisenberg- forces him to run while you’re dragged back. You try to run at least, but you don’t make it far. The Very Tall and Dangerous Looking Lady peers down at you from underneath the brim of her hat. But rather than malice, it’s... warmth?

And once more your poor head is a victim of a sharp hit, losing consciousness again. The last bit you see is your father-figure all but being pushed down a hole as he flees the lycans that surrounded him, continuing to look back at you in worry. You shake your head, hoping it conveyed that you wanted him to go.

But now you can’t say in particular that you’re having a bad time, since you’re inside, the fire from the castle’s several hearths keeping the place warm. The Lady of the house introduces you to her daughters. You can’t help but shrink behind her when they all seemingly surround you both.

Lady Dimitrescu only laughs behind a gloved hand. And allows you all to mingle. If you could call it that by being locked away in a spare room. You couldn’t even stop them, they had the ability to lose a physical form by turning into flies. You wished you had some kind of power like that. You don’t hear much from any of them after that. Occasionally you hear the tall woman’s steps around the corridor, but that’s it.

You chew your lip nervously, a bad habit that you thought you had gotten rid of since Louisiana. You can only stare out the window hopelessly, being on a tall floor, the fall would’ve grievously injured you or worse. The smooth brick was not good for climbing. You tried at least attempting to break the door down, but whatever it had been made off was practically impossible to break. (Your poor shoulder still aches from trying to ram it down). Gun shots echoing through the mansion don’t sooth your nerves either, maybe Redfield was here too, either to finish the job he started with-

The click of the lock makes you jump, quickly grabbing a glass vase, hiding behind the door. Your eyes close as you look down, you tremble. Before throwing it all to the wind and just tossing the large vase in an attempt to make a run for the unlocked door. Only to be stopped by a face you thought you’d never see again.

“Dad?” Your voice is raspy, from the lack of use, but you can’t manage say anything else as you’re brought into a tight hug, almost falling to the ground from the sheer relief you had felt seeing him alive. He quickly checks you over, chin in his hand as he inspects you for any obvious injury, quickly hugging you once more. 

“It’s okay, I’m here now,” You notice his hands, bandages bloodier from before. “Let’s find get out of here,” He says with finality and you nod. You carefully take his hand, the one that actually did have all five fingers, giving it a squeeze. Now it was time to escape and find your little sister. 

[nerdzzone]

Gaze on the Shore

Summary: As the world starts to reopen, tentatively hoping the worst of the pandemic is behind them, Chris and Whitney face a new set of challenges. With busy work schedules and the pressures of normal life looming on the horizon, will the foundation they’ve built through lockdown be strong enough to keep their relationship steady or will they crack under the strain?

Chris Evans x OFC

18+

Part of the Once Bitten/More Hearts series

Note: okay, I’m not totally done writing this section of the series yet, but I have most of it done and some of it edited so I can’t resist posting it any longer. Hopefully I can write the last little bit fast enough that there isn’t a delay, but I apologize if I have to space the chapters out a bit more to give myself some extra time. For now, I’ll try to have one up every few days and I think there will be 9 in total. Please let me know what you think!

-----

Part One

March 2021

Chris was sulking.

He was a grown man and he was sulking.

The fact that he looked exactly like Grayson did when he didn’t get his own way would have been adorable had it not gone on for two days with no end in sight.

The trouble had started when Chris received confirmation that he would be needed in L.A. by the end of the month to start filming The Gray Man. We knew it was coming soon, but the news still sent us into a spiral. I’ll admit, I didn’t handle it well when he told me, but his timing hadn’t been ideal as he chose to break the news on a day when Grayson had been particularly trying. It didn’t help that Chris had been in his office for most of that day which left me to deal with tantrum after tantrum and battles over every little thing that I’d tried to get Grayson to do. By the time he was in bed, I was exhausted and emotionally drained so when Chris blurted out his little announcement, I burst into tears.

Things had been going very well for us in the first few months of 2021. We had little disagreements here and there, but for the most part, our relationship was solid and we were very happy. So, my reaction wasn’t even due to any lingering insecurities that I may have had and it definitely wasn’t because I wasn’t happy for him, but at that moment in time the thought of navigating through a long distance relationship and a sudden return to life as a single parent had me feeling incredibly overwhelmed.

Once I’d calmed down enough to explain that to Chris, he was very understanding, but the solution he came up with wasn’t one that I was particularly thrilled about either. 

He wanted us to go with him. 

Again, I didn’t react in the most compassionate way as I immediately said no.

The hurt on Chris’ face was clear and I rushed to explain my reasons with the biggest one being that we hadn’t been fully vaccinated yet - we’d had one dose, but I didn’t really like the idea of travelling before we’d had our second. He countered that by assuring me that the production company had already agreed to get us both our second dose as soon as possible, but I pointed out that Grayson would still be vulnerable. Chris had clearly put some thought into the situation already because he was prepared for that argument too and provided me with several articles that insisted air travel was perfectly safe due to the high quality air filters on every plane.

While that was probably true, I quickly reminded him that Gray would still have to wear a mask for the entire flight and - even though he was really good about wearing one whenever he needed to - making him wear one for six hours straight seemed a bit ambitious. It was a valid point, but Chris simply huffed and argued that I was just making excuses.

“I am not,” I’d insisted. “It’s true, Chris.”

“So, what do you want me to do? I tell you I have to leave and you start cryin’, but you shoot down the only solution I can offer.”

“I’m sorry that I cried,” I apologized. “I just got overwhelmed, but now I’m trying to be realistic. Maybe we could join you in a couple of months if things get better?”

“In a couple months, we’ll be in Europe and you won’t be able to come. Unless you’ve secretly stumbled on some kind of miracle cure and they can suddenly open all the borders again.”

“There’s no need for sarcasm,” I scolded him, frowning at his sassy tone. “I don’t know what your filming schedule is like and I don’t know why you’re so mad at me. If it was just me, I would come, but we have to think about Grayson here too.”

At that point, he was clearly annoyed. The scowl on his face was fierce and his jaw was clenched so tight that I could see the muscles straining from across the room.

“I know we have to think about Grayson!” He snapped at me. “He’s my son too, don’t act like I’m not taking him into consideration!”

His tone was unnecessarily harsh and my eyes narrowed into a glare

“I know he’s your son too! I just don’t think it’s realistic to expect a three year old to keep a mask on for six hours when even most adults find that uncomfortable.”

“He’s almost four,” Chris pointed out as if that made any difference. “And I think he’d be fine with it. I think you’re looking for reasons not to come.”

“Why on earth would I do that? I would love to come with you, but I don’t see how it’s possible right now!”

“I just told you how it could be possible, but you don’t want to listen.”

“That’s not true! I don’t understand why you’re being so difficult about this.”

“If anyone’s being difficult, it’s you,” Chris insisted. “I thought you were dyin’ to get back to L.A. to see your family. You’d get more work out there too, don’t you think it’s time you got back to that?”

That suggestion had caught me off guard and I crossed my arms, suddenly feeling very defensive.

“What’s the supposed to mean? Are you implying that I should start contributing financially around here? Because I believe I offered to do so at the start of this pandemic and you threw a hissy fit about it.”

“I didn’t throw a hissy fit!” Chris rolled his eyes. “And I don’t care about money, don’t make this about that. I just thought you’d want to get back to work, to get back to normal!”

“Well, that’s not what it sounded like,” I insisted. “It sounded like you think I should get off my ass and stop freeloading off of you.”

“What are you fuckin’ talkin’ about? Don’t put fuckin’ words in my mouth.”

“Don’t swear at me, Chris,” I glared. “If you can’t control yourself and have a civil conversation about this then I think we’re done talking.”

Perhaps it had been foolish of me to think that telling him to ‘calm down’ - even without using those actual words - would do anything, but have the opposite effect. It certainly didn’t help the situation as Chris shook his head, focusing his eyes on a spot on the counter as if he couldn’t even stand to look at me. I could see how tense he was as he mulled over my words and after a few moments he lifted his eyes to meet mine again. They were dark and angry and I knew we weren’t going to have a peaceful resolution to the situation any time soon.

“I think we’re done here then,” he decided. “Or at least we should be, before I say something that I regret.”

That piqued my curiosity as I wondered what hurtful words were on the tip of his tongue, but he gave me no time to question it as he stormed past me and out of the room.

-

He’d slept in the spare bedroom that night, or at least I’d assumed that he did because he definitely didn’t sleep in our bed. He’d wandered into the kitchen as I was having breakfast with Grayson the next morning so I knew he hadn’t left the house, but after a quick kiss to the top of Gray’s head, he went straight to the living room without saying a word to me. Once Grayson was finished eating, he scurried off to join him, but I busied myself elsewhere.

And that’s how it went for the rest of the day. 

We avoided each other and didn’t exchange a single word. My frustration was mounting with every passing hour of silence so, while Chris tucked Grayson in that evening, I took a hot bath to try and relax and it was surprisingly effective at shifting my mood. I came out of it feeling much calmer about things and, inspired by my happier mood, I’d slipped into my pajamas and headed out to find Chris to see if I could smooth things over. 

I found him in the living room, flipping through a script as he sipped a beer and I leaned on the door frame.

“Hey,” I greeted him, alerting him to my presence. “Can we talk?”

He glanced up briefly, but quickly turned his eyes back to the papers in front of him.

“I don’t have anything to say.”

His curtness had me feeling instantly defeated, but I wasn’t going to back down that easily.

“Really? We had a big argument, we’ve not spoken all day and you don’t think we have anything to talk about?”

“Nope.”

“Wow,” I bristled, shocked by his nonchalance and immediately feeling any levelheadedness that I’d regained slipping away. “Well, do you remember those concerns that I had about things returning to normal that you made me feel were so irrational? I hate to say ‘I told you so’, but if this is how you’re going to be then they’re looking pretty justified.”

That got his attention and he tossed the script onto the couch next to him as he glared up at me.

“Don’t be so smug, Whitney. Did you ever think that I might be upset because I could use some support? That I might be anxious about being on set again after so long and that I’m freaked out about being away from you and Grayson after being with you every day for an entire year?”

His sudden honesty surprised me, but I nodded my head.

“I get that, I do, but I don’t get why you’re taking it out on me. It’s not my fault that you have to go back to work.”

“It’s your fault that you won’t come with me.”

“Well, maybe if you’d given me some time to process it all instead of immediately getting nasty, it would have worked out better.”

“Okay,” Chris shrugged in a way that made it clear he was about to test that claim. “You’ve had time to think about it now. Do you feel any different?”

“No,” I scoffed. “I can’t say that I particularly feel like going anywhere with you at the moment, not with how you’re behaving.”

Chris’ jaw clenched as he shook his head.

“Why did you bother coming in here if you’re just tryin’ to pick a fight?”

“I didn’t plan on starting a fight - I came in here to talk and you shut me down and gave me attitude!” I reminded him. “I want to figure this out and talk things through.”

“If you’re not gonna change your mind then I don’t think we have anything to talk about.”

I let out an exasperated groan and resisted the urge to stomp my foot in frustration.

“God, you’re such a dick sometimes,” I muttered, shaking my head. “But, okay, come and find me when you’re done being a child and we can talk then.”

Chris responded with just another roll of his eyes and I stormed out of the room in a huff, my positive mood completely shattered.

-

He’d spent another night on the couch or wherever he was choosing to sleep and that was how we’d ended up on day two of his sulk. Every time I walked in a room, he glared up at me like an angry child and it was really starting to test my patience, but everything changed when my phone rang just before lunch. 

It was my brother, who didn’t usually call me out of the blue, so my curiosity was a good momentary distraction from my growing exasperation.

“Hey, Jack. What’s up?”

“Do you have a minute to talk?” He asked, his strained and exhausted voice instantly putting me on edge. “It’s important.”

“Yeah, of course. What’s going on?”

“There’s no great way to say this,” he sighed. “But Dad had a heart attack.”

His words made my blood run cold as my heart hammered in my chest.

“Is that a joke, Jack?” I snapped, my current stress level leaving me with very little patience to spare. “Because it’s not funny. Dad’s one of the healthiest sixty year old men that I know.”

“I know, that’s what I said, but it’s not a joke, Whitney. I wouldn’t do that.”

There was something about the tone of his voice that made my stomach turn. In my heart, I knew that Jack would never joke around about something like that anyway, but his uncharacteristic solemnity had tears filling my eyes as my brain fought to process his words.

“Oh my god,” I whimpered. “Is he okay? When did it happen?”

“He’s alright and as far as I know, he’s expected to make a full recovery,” he assured me. “But he’s still in the hospital. It happened late last night. Mom called an ambulance and went with him to the hospital and she said they did surgery this morning.”

“Surgery?” I sniffled. “Surgery for what?”

“It was something to do with calcium buildup in his arteries from what I could get out of Mom,” he explained. “I’m heading there now and I’ll talk to the doctor myself. It was a lot for her to take in, especially after all the panic.”

I felt like I was in a fog as I tried to comprehend all the information that he was throwing at me. My dad really was a very healthy man. He loved exercise and ate fairly well. His job stressed him out sometimes, but no worse than most people. It just didn’t make sense. After a moment of silence as my mind ran wild, I managed to choke out another response.

“I can’t believe this.”

“I know, it doesn’t seem real,” Jack sighed as a few tears slid down my cheeks. “But Mom did seem positive so I do think he’s going to be okay. I know it must be hard for you, being so far away.”

“I’ll come home,” I decided, wiping my eyes. “I’ll get the next flight out.”

“No, Whit, you don’t have to do that. I can call you after I get to the hospital and let you know if it’s worse than I think, but you don’t have to decide that right now.”

“I want to be there,” I insisted. “And Chris and I were talking about it anyway. He has to start filming soon and I was on the fence about going with him, but this changes things. We’ll come as soon as possible.”

“Well, if you’re sure, it would be great to have you here and mom would love to see you.”

“She’ll need help convincing him to rest when he’s home too. You know what he’s like, he never listens to her.”

“He’s stubborn,” Jack agreed. “But alright, call me later and let me know your plan. I can pick you guys up from the airport.”

“That would be great, thanks,” I sighed. “Give them both a hug for me, okay?”

Jack promised me that he would and we said our goodbyes so he could head out to the hospital.

I tried to take a moment to compose myself, but it quickly proved to be a fairly hopeless endeavour. In the end, I simply pulled myself together enough to make sure that Grayson wouldn’t be concerned by my obvious distress and went into the living room where he was watching a movie with Chris. Gray’s attention didn’t stray from the screen, but Chris looked up when I rushed in.

“I need to speak to you. Right now.”

Perhaps it was the hint of hysteria in my voice, but Chris didn’t argue. He just nodded as he slipped out of Grayson’s grasp and wordlessly followed me from the room. When we got to the kitchen, I turned to face him with my fists clenched and lips tight as I fought to hold back my tears.

“What’s going on?”

His tone was much less combative than it had been the last few times we’d spoken which I appreciated as it was already a struggle for me not to fall apart.

“You win, Chris,” I choked out. “We’ll come with you to L.A.”

He was watching me closely, his confusion written all over his face.

“Why?” He asked. “Why the sudden change of heart? Why are you so upset?”

I bit my lip as my eyes burned with unshed tears and I shook my head, unsure of my ability to talk.

“C’mon,” Chris sighed, moving across the room and pulling me into his arms. As soon as he was wrapped around me and my head was resting against his chest, a sob fell from my lips. “What’s going on?”

“My dad had a heart attack,” I cried, feeling his arms tighten around me. “Jack says he’s alright, but I want to go home. I need to be there.”

“Shit, Winnie, when did it happen?”

“Last night, but Jack just called me,” I told him, pulling back to look up at him as my lip quivered. “I’m sorry about our argument, I’m sorry about whatever I said, but can we go? Now? Or as soon as possible?”

“Of course. I can make a few calls and get us on the next flight out this afternoon.”

I felt a wave of relief before another thought hit me and tears welled in my eyes again.

“But, what about Grayson? He’ll still have to wear a mask for the entire flight. I wasn’t just trying to be difficult, I think he’ll struggle with that,” I insisted. “And we still haven’t been fully vaccinated yet.”

“We’ll be fine,” Chris insisted, his firm tone making it almost impossible for me not to believe him. “We’ll wear masks and keep our distance and make sure we’re as safe as we can be. As for Gray, why don’t I book us on an evening flight? Chances are he’ll be exhausted from the excitement by then and sleep most of the way.”

“Would that be okay?” I worried my bottom lip between my teeth. “Is this crazy? Am I just panicking?”

Chris pulled me tighter against his chest and I felt a wave of gratitude that despite the previous tension between us, he was able to put it aside and support me through this.

“Maybe a little, but it’s understandable. This is a big deal, Win. I get why you want to be there.”

“I’m just scared,” I whimpered, gripping his t-shirt. “He’s so healthy, I don’t understand how this could happen.”

“I know, but I’m sure there will be more information by the time we get there,” he assured me. “Why don’t you go and start packing for you and Gray? I’ll make a few calls to book our flights and then take him with me to drop Dodger off with my mom.”

“Okay,” I sniffled, pulling myself reluctantly away from his embrace. He turned to head to the door, but I stopped him before he got too far. “Chris? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made such a big deal about coming with you.”

He quickly moved back towards me and pulled me in for a quick, but meaningful kiss.

“Neither should I,” he confessed once our lips had parted again. “But we can talk later. It’s not important right now.”

It was important, I knew that it was. I didn’t like to let a conflict that had kept us apart for two days go unresolved, but I didn’t have the emotional capacity to hash it all out at that time and I appreciated Chris’ willingness to let it slide for the time being. I felt like I was in a daze as he dashed out of the kitchen, already pulling out his phone to make some calls and I turned towards the stairs, hoping I could hold it together long enough to organize everything we would need for our indefinite trip.

-

Part Two

Tags:  @maggotzombie @moonlacebeam @mizzzpink @zaylaugh @flowery-mess @flowerjewels @njrronaldo7 @hockeychick10 @partypoison00 @theladybiers @sidepieces @firoozehmoon @patzammit @sparkledfirecracker @mytbel0st @chvntelle-99 @mjey12 @denisemarieangelina @elrw24

[lucy90712]

Karl jacobs- mr beast

wc- 2117

Warnings: none

~ Two weeks ago I randomly got a call from a man who invited me to a shoot for a video, believe me I was sceptical at first which the man seemed to understand but he provided me with all the information I could ever need and answered all of my questions so I believed him and agreed to go and now is the day of the shoot. To my knowledge there will be a few others there as well as a whole crew so if this is a bad situation at least I won't be alone.

My parents think I'm insane for going to this and they have made me promise to keep my phone on me at all times and to text them that I'm safe when I get there, it's nice that their worried but I honestly think I'll be fine. The friend that I've told seem to be thinking the exact opposite in fact they are convinced that I'm going to a mr beast shoot but I'm not too sure. They seem to think that because we live in North Carolina that this is the only possible explanation but I think that they would say that it was for mr beast so that the whole situation seemed less sketchy.

For the day of the shoot which happens to be today we were instructed to wear what we normally would but not to wear too much makeup because it doesn't look good on camera. I took this on board and wore my mom jeans with a black crop top just because it was plain and not too over the top, I don't want to stand out too much. I also barely put on any makeup I just covered the dark circles under my eyes and the few spots I had and I put on mascara so that I didn't look like I had no eyelashes.

The location I had to go to was only about 35 minutes drive from my house which was nice because I wasn't feeling a long drive today. I woke up early enough to have time to make myself breakfast and get coffee on the journey. At the local Starbucks drive through I got my usual order and talked to the girl at the window for a moment because she happens to be one of my friends sisters so we know one another.

"Isn't today the day if that mysterious video shoot your going to" she asked

"Yeah I have to be there in like 50 minutes" I said

"Well have fun meeting mr beast" she said handing me my drink

I rolled my eyes as I pulled away and started my drive. I listened to my Spotify playlist on the way just vibing to each song that played normally it plays at least one song that I'm not that into but today all of them were some of my favourite songs so I think today will turn out to be a good day.

As I arrived to the location I noticed that it was in this really random place with a bunch of big warehouses which I'm not gonna lie was a little sketchy but there seemed to be quite a few people about with cameras and other equipment so I calmed down again. I got out my car and went to the place that I was told to in the email which was relatively easy to find once I knew where the people were going and a guy led me into the middle of this warehouse with a few other people who were obviously taking part too.

Me and this one guy got talking while we waited and he seemed to know a little more than I did about what was happening so we talked about the video and this whole sort of experience. He was really cute too he had kind of long fluffy brown hair and lovely blue eyes that were and interesting shape but they really suited his face, I also noticed that he had his nails painted which made him seem even cooler much to cool for me to be talking to him. He was super nice to me and we had a good conversation until we had to start filming.

A few more people walked in with cameras following them as they talked but when they got closer I recognised the face and I couldn't believe it. My friends were right it was mr beast and his friends or at least a few of them. As they came in the guy I was talking to went over and joined them as they explained the video concept to the rest of us.

"Right for todays video we are going to get all these people to hide in pairs around these warehouses and whoever is found last wins $100,000 to share" mr beast explained

They sorted people into pairs but there was an odd number so I was left on my own.

"Slightly awkward but one person didn't turn up so Karl is going to step in and be y/n's partner for this" Chris explained

This Karl guy came over and he was the guy I talked to earlier, I got a bit embarrassed realising that I had absentmindedly been talking to this guy who's so well known as if it was nothing. The poor guy was probably so confused that I had no idea who he wasn't while at a mr best shoot hopefully I can redeem myself with this challenge.

We each took cameras to film as we found our hiding places which we had 10 minutes to go because the area we had was so big. Most people ran off to the furthest warehouses but me and Karl decided to stay a bit closer hoping that all the others would be found quickly. We went into this relatively small but tall looking warehouse which had a small upstairs bit to it where we looked for a good hiding place, there wasn't a whole load of options apart from this old wardrobe which looked like it could fit the both of us. We decided to keep looking seeing as we could always come back if we found no where else.

After checking another 2 warehouses that were almost empty we realised that our best option would be that wardrobe so we went back and squeezed ourselves in leaving one door open for now at least until we heard movement near by so that it wouldn't be quite as cramped. The both of us did fit in this wardrobe but on the inside it was smaller than it looked so we were pressed right against each other which would be awkward if you hadn't already embarrassed yourself in front of the person so I felt 10 times more awkward in this position.

We had to film ourselves which was quite hard with the darkness and the cramped space but Karl knew what he was doing so he took the camera off me and filmed the both of us explaining where we were showing just outside the wardrobe so that the viewers would know when the others were close to finding us.

Soon enough the timer went off indicating that our hiding time was up and now we really had to be careful not to make too much noise as we could've found any second I had kind of forgot about the fact that this was for a whole lot of money up until now because I was just so annoyed at myself for being such an idiot but now it felt really real and I was starting to feel quite competitive.

We waited what felt like an age before we heard any movement but when I heard the door open I almost jumped out my skin because it was so quiet up until that point. I gave Karl a look and the both of us forced ourselves further into the wardrobe and shut the door as quietly as we could making it completely pitch black.

It was a lot more squished in the wardrobe now as there was no space to move, there was no good way to stand because we had to had some part of our bodies touching or else we wouldn't fit. Karl whispered telling me to turn my phone touch on so that he could film for a second because he said that it wouldn't be seen from outside.

"We just heard the door open and there is movement downstairs so the door in now closed and its super dark without the light" Karl explained to the camera

"It's also super claustrophobic in here with the door shut" I added putting my head over his shoulder so that the camera could see me

He put the camera down and I turned off my touch and we just kind of listened and we heard the door close again or so we thought but it wasn't worth the risk so we left it a little longer before we felt safe to be a little louder but we didn't want to risk opening the door again so we stayed how we were.

It was actually a good time talking a little bit like we were before the filming started, Karl is a very sweet guy he really just wants to get to know me as a real person and not just someone helping him do his job. He seemed to really care about what I did with my life and who I am seeing as I know a bit about him and he knew that he was interested in learning about me.

Our nice conversation was soon interrupted when the door opened again and we heard voices getting closer to us. The sound of the metal stairs that lead to where we are could be heard which meant that they were close. There was a panicked feeling between the two of us and Karl pulled me closer to him just incase they opened one door they might not be able to see us.

"They could be in the wardrobe there" I heard a muffled voice say

Mine and Karl's breathing slowed down so that they couldn't hear any noise at all and if they did well they have great hearing. It was at this point that I realised Karl had his arm around my waist holding my back to his chest which was making me blush but it was dark so no one could see. The door opened on the other side and a camera was pointed in.

"There no one in this side do you really think they would both fit on the other side?" Someone asked

"I don't think so honestly but we really should check" another said

I knew it was over from that point and I was right the second door opened and cameras went straight into my face, Karl also let go of my waist at this point not wanting that to be on camera. Karl got out the wardrobe and offered his hand to help me out.

"Congratulations you guys have won" mr beast said

"It took us forever to find you so well done" Chris said

"Oh my this is amazing thank you" I said feeling quite overwhelmed

Obviously the prize for winning was $50,000 each which was absolutely amazing and just so life changing like there is so many things I could do with that amount of money but I have no idea what that will be yet.

"You have won $50,000 congra" mr beast started

"Wait I want y/n to have my share I don't need it" Karl interrupted

"Karl there is no need for you to do that I'm more than ok with $50,000" I said

"You are taking the money please it would make me happy" he said

I accepted the fact that Karl was never going to give in so now I'm $100,000 richer which is insane no one is going to believe me until this video comes out. My parents are going to think I've committed a crime of some form which isn't good but they will have to believe me eventually so it's fine.

The shoot wrapped up and I was heading to my car to go back home when Karl came running over and gave me his phone number saying he wanted to hang out sometime. What has my life become? I started the day thinking that I could be in danger and have ended it with $100,000 and the phone number of one of the people that works for a huge YouTube channel, it's almost like a dream.

[hopeshoodie]

I can’t believe it took me until part 8 to do my favorite boy but

 Here are the pros and cons of dating

Noah

 Cons

Noah is really non confrontational, so he tends to let issues fester. It’s not that he’s trying to let things build up, it’s just that he doesn’t think they’re important enough to bring up. He won’t start a fight about them when they’ve built up, but if MC is angry about something he’ll mention that there’s a bunch of things he’s let go but not have specifics. It ends up coming out like ‘yeah well what about all the other things?!’ ‘what other things!?’ ‘I don’t remember!!’. He’s not actively keeping track of all her mistakes, he genuinely does forgive and forget, but then when tensions come to a boil he needs to point out that there has been conflict that he just ignored. He’s not trying to guilt or gaslight MC, but sometimes it feels like it. If she thinks especially little of his intentions, it feels like he’s just pulling things out of thin air to be mad instead of focusing on the issue. That’s not what he’s doing- he just doesn’t address little things until they feel like big things. But of course he hasn’t done the introspection to truly understand how doing this is hurtful or articulate that he doesn’t mean it to be. 

When he and MC disagree, he lets things go wayyy too easily. This is fine if MC is a really mature, self-reflective person who can see that she’s crossed a line after the fact. But if MC is a little more selfish/immature, like Lottie, this is a huge con because he doesn’t give her accountability that would help her grow. We saw this with Hope- she wasn’t able to recognize how harmful her temper was when she was dating Noah because he never pointed it out, he just rolled over. If there’s a genuine problem- financial, emotional, logistically, he’ll ‘let it go’ until it’s a way bigger problem (and much harder to solve). 

Sorry that most of these cons are about how he fights with people, but that’s what we saw in-game lol. I’d love to know more about how Lucas or Rahim fight with their partners. But when you’re arguing, Noah tends to focus on really little details of what you said instead of listening to the whole thing and getting a sense of the bigger picture. So let’s say the issue is ‘Noah, I need you to tell me when you’re borrowing my car because you took it to the gym and then it went from having enough gas to get me to work in the morning to being on empty. This morning I had to stop for gas and that made me late.” The issue there is actually ‘please tell me when you’re using my car”, but he fixates on the gas part and says “well fine I can fill up your tank”. So he focuses on little details that he can fix instead of acknowledging the actual problem.

He internalizes things so fucking hard. Yes he intellectually knows that when MC gives him feedback on things she’s talking about his BEHAVIOR and not him as a person, but he definitely feels like shit about himself if he makes a mistake and MC calls him on it. He’ll definitely beat himself up about things for weeks after it happens, and his internal dialogue in general is pretty toxic. 

I can see him being a bit of a workaholic. Not in the same sense that Camilo is in Boat Party, but Noah definitely will go into the library on a day he’s scheduled to be off if he has projects to work on or will stay late because he got engrossed in research. Same thing now that the library’s closed because of COVID- it takes him two times as long to put everyone online and work from home, so he’s spending more time working than ever. He views it through the lens of the ‘greater good’- getting that display set up for the patrons is more important that seeing his wife two hours earlier because many members of the community outnumber one person. Plus he just cares so much about his work that he has a hard time seeing it as an inconvenience to other people.

He loves his family so much. Even when MC and he get married and have kids, he struggles to prioritize them over his siblings and parents. So if his little brother Arlo needs money, Noah won’t hesitate to give him a loan even if he and MC are struggling financially. If his aging mom or dad can’t live alone anymore, Noah will invite them to move in with his family, even if their house isn’t big enough to accommodate more people. I can see this being a huge point of contention, especially in that second scenario where MC would have to take on a caretaker role as well. Noah just wants to help people so bad and has a hard time saying no, so that can sometimes impede his partner.

He’s really used to living on low income, and so he has a lot of frugal habits and concessions that he thinks are normal that someone more middle or upper class might find irritating. These are all coming from my experience and things partners have complained about- but think things like only eating out once a month or refusing to turn the heat on until it’s dangerous or making his own laundry detergent. He grew up doing them out of necessity (and still does, student debt on a public librarian’s budget? I couldn’t do it), so he doesn’t realize how strange or frustrating his habits might be to someone who isn’t used to it. He also has a really hard time justifying spending excessive amounts of money, so if MC has lavish taste there’s going to be some conflict.

He doesn’t like initiating anything. Conversations, activities… you know *smirk emoji*. He will, but the ratio of when Noah suggests something to when MC does is like 1:8

My boy is beautiful, and his clothes look lovely, but he has 7 outfits that he rewears all the time. The closest thing to fashion is him putting a different button up shirt underneath his vest. It’s definitely a joke at work that he wears the same sweater, button up, and quarter length shirt just in different colors. You know that vine where the teacher walks into the room wearing the same shirt in different colors, saying the same ��hello’ for like a million days. Noah’s coworkers remake that with him, because that’s exactly what he does. 

He’s a bit of a homebody, and loves routine. For me, massive plus, I love that. But for someone who wants to party regularly or be spontaneous, I can see constantly changing plans and going out with people being really draining to Noah. He has a small group of close friends, so he’d struggle to remember MC’s friends' names if she has more than five. Don’t get me wrong, Noah will take MC to galleries and dates at least three times a month, but it has to be discussed and scheduled in advance. 

Pros

Honestly, what isn’t a pro about him? Noah is a steadfast, thoughtful, and kind person. His politics are about taking care of people, providing them dignity and respect, and building community. He loves his family and is incredibly patient. He’s incredibly smart but not at all classist or condescending about it. I know this is supposed to be about how the islanders affect the person they’re dating, but oh my god he’s such a good person I love him. Let’s just say the pro for this is his positive aura. 

He’s really good at group dynamics and listening, so he goes out of his way to make everyone feel heard and valued. If someone says something and no one acknowledges it, he’ll specifically engage with them so they’re not left hanging. If someone’s trying to get a word in but can’t, he’ll get everyone’s attention then say ‘so and so had an idea’. He’s not one to boisterously laugh in group settings, but he always makes eye contact and smiles if you make a joke that flops or say something he agrees with. If people are teasing about something, he picks up if it’s gone too far really easily and will gracefully change the subject/tell them to knock it off. 

He’s super conscientious about respecting boundaries and ensuring the people around him are taking care of himself. If MC and him are long distance and texting after 10pm, he’ll be like “I love you, but we’ve both got to sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow”. He’ll always check and make sure people have eaten when meeting up with them, and if they haven’t he’ll insist they get food from somewhere. 100% gives you his jacket, brings you water bottles, in general just wants you to take care of yourself. 

Above all else, Noah just always ensures the people around him feel safe. The last thing he’d want to do is make people uncomfortable, so safe driving, safe spaces, safe sex are all musts. He’s really good in crisis situations because he can calm people down and encourage them to think critically.  

Building off of that, he’s really aware of how much of the housework is being done by who and always tries to ensure he’s doing his part. I bet that was a big thing he ripped on Rahim for- Rahim expects his woman to clean up after him and do the bulk of the domestic work, and Noah knows that’s bullshit. I think Noah likes cleaning, anyways, and will usually take laundry/disinfecting bathrooms/cleaning dishes over cooking or running errands. But the mental load of keeping track of recipes/groceries that need replenishing and keeping up with kids needs, he’s aware of the imbalance and does his part. Obvious plus, because it sounds fucking exhausting to date a man. He fucking hates vaccuming though, and will splurge on a roomba. 

He has a dry sense of humor that’s very based in puns and hyperbole. Sometimes it’s hard to know when he’s joking or not, but he never makes you feel bad for missing a joke or dwells on something for too long. He absolutely subscribes to the Mcelroys’ No Bummers rule, there are some things you don’t joke about and he’s happy to shut down inappropriate comments or ‘jokes’. He definitely prefers physical gaffs and dumb ways of saying things, so his favorite comedians are John Mulaney and Chris Fleming. While humor isn’t an important part of how he relates to other people, Noah enjoys being around funny people and won’t shut down their energy like Rahim, Marisol, or Hope. 

This is just me projecting again but Noah is generoussss. Even though he doesn’t make a lot of money at the library, he still has a ‘mutual aid’ budget each month (and goes over it often). He’s the first one to give money to panhandlers, donate to gofundmes, and give friends/family personal loans. That definitely gets him into sticky situations sometimes, because he has a hard time saying no and can get taken advantage of, but ultimately I think it’s a pro because he’ll never forget where he came from and always prioritize helping other people. 

He has a really pretty, deep singing voice and this is a pro to me because fuck I meltttttt.

The shit he says to his partner or spouse? THE most romantic thing in the world. You think Mr. “you’re made of stardust” doesn’t shower his lover with the most meaningful lines at random times? You think he’s not quoting sappho and jane austen when he’s at a loss for words? You think he’s NOT going to turn over in bed on a lazy Saturday and say ‘this is the most perfect my life will ever be’? It’s not even prompted either, yes he’ll compliment Bobby or MC when they get all dressed up for date night, but more often he’ll profess his adoration in the middle of dinner, then take another forkful of food. 

Fantastic with kids, and this is a huge pro because people who can work with kids and be patient/positive with them make me so fuckim soft. But if/when (hopefully when because if MC didn’t want kids I don’t think it’d last) they had kids, Noah is happy to be on bottle duty, wake up early to the baby, and generally be a really involved parent. He’ll take a big chunk of paternity leave, and generally be there as much as humanly possible. Even when they have multiple little tyrants running around, he always makes time to be alone with MC and make sure she’s not taking on too much.

He’s basically a lesbian, which is definitely a reason I love him so much. Hear me out- loves milfs, loves 80s music, communicates affection through meaningful glances and playing with hair but will die before explicitly saying any of it, crushes on his best friend for the longest time but never makes the first move, puts way too much emotional meaning and personal metaphors into objects and then presents them as gifts, is into fandoms and actively collects pop figures, is attracted to assertive/powerful women, wears beige skinny jeans, wears VESTS….. That’s a lesbian. He’s a bisexual man, but he’s also an honorary lesbian.

A really good confidant. Noah’s an amazing listener and never judges people harshly- his life philosophy is as long as you’re not hurting anymore or yourself, everything else is details. So you can definitely tell him secrets and confess regrets to him and he’ll listen with those soft eyes and gentle nods. Talking to him about mistakes always feels like unburdening yourself. And he’d never tell your secret to anyone. Doesn’t matter if you cheat on him, lie to him, or die, he’s never going to tell anyone your secrets. 

[reachgirl]

My thoughts on “Buddie”

 1. I think if Fox could realize that sometimes you can’t *plan* for chemistry, it just happens, and when it does it’s magic and you need to let it play out, they would be so far ahead of the curve of other shows and fans beyond their core audience would take notice.  The material IS there to defend it actually happening against claims that they just bowed down to the shippers.

2. On the one hand, I believe that the writers are very deliberately writing a lot of subtext and the directors are leaving in scenes where the actors are making certain choices, both Ryan/Oliver and Peter/Kenneth/Aisha/JLH. But is it just as a “shout out” to the Buddie shippers, or an actual deliberate effort to make a point of how close they are and how dependent they’ve become on their relationship?

3. I’ve talked before how I think deciding on your character’s sexuality before you actually write them out for a while just doesn’t make for believable humanity based on reality. If we’re looking at these two examples, 

Buck has been written in a way that could very well make him bi/pan and not everybody who is and is secure in their identity will go and talk about it constantly. I would also like to remind everyone that bi does not mean you have to stick to a certain quota, like keep your relationships 50/50 male/female. There are many people who are bi who tend to end up in more relationships/even just sexual ones with one gender, and that doesn’t make them less bi or pan. So just because we have only seen him have female love interests during the show, there are some scenes (”Your man crush on Eddie”/”I’m not setting you up with my brother/Hey Now”) that could be interpreted to mean that might not always have been the case, Maddie being the one who would have been there to witness it. We also see Buck not really caring about the social conventions - not only of who he dates - he is consistently written as meeting every person he meets on eye level - even making sure the guy who stole his identity to catfish women wouldn’t lose his dignity in death, but also romantically, we can see him building a connection with Abby through the phone first and falling in love with her as a person, and not caring about her being quite a lot older.

Eddie, and I’ve written about this before, is a little bit of an enigma. Again, we have only seen him in one relationship, and while it doesn’t seem like it was the happiest of marriages, in the end it really did seem like he loved Shannon and wanted to make it work. Up until Ms. Florez we have also seen him almost making a point of not looking to date (”They’re not my type”/”You didn’t set me up, did you?”), and that is pretty much all we know about him. Again, the fact that he was married to a woman and once flirted with one briefly, does not prove or disprove anything. He grew up in Texas, in latino culture, and spent a good amount of his formative years in the US Army, all of these can traditionally be quite conservative. From personal experience even I have seen many people who grew up in conservative environments fall in line with the expectations set for them by their communities (often very early, and Eddie and Shannon did get married quite young), especially if their community doesn’t provide a lot of LGBTQ-visibility or role models. Yes, Eddie does “act” straight, whatever that means and whether that is an actual concept, but the way he behaves in a lot of scenes with Buck, and I’ll get back to this in point 8., could be interpreted in other ways.

4. TV today has gotten a lot better at showing LGBTQ relationships that aren’t a) just on the sidelines b) serving as collateral emotional damage to drive the plot or c) are written in a way that is basically just taking a hetero-couple-storyline and casting two people of the same gender in it. I am worried that they think they can’t do the “coming out later in life” storyline again with Buddie because they already have Michael (which brings me back to point 1. Let the damn magic happen when it’s right in front of your eyes), and they can’t have another main cast LGBTQ character - or two - because they already have Hen (and Karen). Obviously these are not valid reasons, look at other shows like 911 Lone star for representation within the main cast, but of course, this is a double edged sword because there is a concern that they gave us 911 Lone Star to do what they wouldn’t or couldn’t do with the original. (On a side note, Owen Strand is the fairy godfather of Texas and I live for that show)

5. Parallels. This has been talked about a lot, and there are much better posts about it than this one. But writers aren’t stupid, or careless, so I do believe that to a certain extent they’re aware of how they are setting up parallels between Buck and Eddie’s love lives. We have them agreeing to “have each other’s backs” in contrast to Shannon telling Eddie that he never had hers. We have Eddie telling Buck that there is no one he trusts more with Christopher than him, while he makes it clear that while he thinks he can forgive Shannon, he doesn’t think he can trust her. We had Shannon coming back just as Buck decides to leave Abby behind finally, and we had Ali showing up when Shannon dies, and now Ana when the writers point out how single Buck is.

6. Themes. The episode themes in 9-1-1 are kinda like horoscopes, they’re meant to be able to work for multiple storylines and connect all the main characters through one focus. But we’ve seen a lot of themes surrounding family or trust or love that have an obvious connection to a Buddie moment on the show. Chosen Family. Home. Being able to trust your partner. Seizing the day. And even when it’s something that doesn’t immediately connect the two, the scenes are cut in a way that imply there’s a connection, like Eddie telling Chim to tell Maddie he loves her, because tomorrow isn’t promised. Chim calls Maddie to invite her to dinner to finally do this, and right before this we see Eddie asking Buck to lunch - this is probably just a coincidence, right? But we can be sure that the director, writers and cutters were aware of this, and made the choice to do it this way, for whatever reason. Because this is their exact job, telling stories through how they cut scenes together. 7. Christopher. So this might be what makes Buddie a little more unique compared to the, admittedly, dozens of other seemingly “straight bromances” that people have shipped. Most scenes we get with Buck and Eddie that are outside of work, involve Chris in some way. It’s probably safe to say that part of the reason they became so close is because Buck and Chris have a connection that I would wager goes beyond what most friends have with their single-dad-friend’s kid. We see how important Buck becomes in Christopher’s life, and vice versa, pretty much a few episodes after they meet for the first time. Eddie trusts Buck with Chris’ life, and he trusts him with any problems relating to Christopher that he needs to work through. Buck’s his sounding board for his role as a parent, which is interesting considering Eddie has other friends at the 118 that actually are parents? *cough* Chosen family *cough*

8. Closeness. As I said above, sometimes writers plan one storyline, but the magic happens somewhere they didn’t expect, and if that is the case, and you want to be faithful to your characters, you should seize that opportunity. I think we can all agree this is one of those cases where the chemistry is just off the charts. There are long looks, there is a lot of being in sync, there’s constant physical contact when they’re sitting or walking next to each other. Personal space, who? Again, this is something the director could discourage, or use a take that didn’t have Buck grab his belt buckle and invading Eddie’s personal space in his own kitchen, but they decided on this take. They decided on the take of Eddie clearly checking out Buck’s behind and Chim noticing. Now Buck seems to be pretty comfortable with closeness anyway, but Eddie isn’t the most touchy guy with anyone else, so this is noticeable. And it works.

9. Look. Somebody sat down and wrote “You want to go for the title?” and I would pay a lot of money to see the stage directions on that script because holy fuck. There’s a lot of info in their exchanges - and it implies that there are lots of moments that these two talk that we don’t get to see - Buck immediately knows about Eddie and Ana, and he knew about the situation with Shannon too (and didn’t hide his jealousy very well). When they don’t talk, it clearly gets to Eddie, who doesn’t have that many other people he really trusts and can open up to. Cue “husbands fighting in the supermarket”. But what’s also interesting to me is that their dynamic involves a lot of Eddie teasing Buck. “Exoskeleton” “Aren’t you still in that phase?” “You would have talked me into buying a more expensive one”.. and Eddie sometimes uses it to keep their conversations from getting into dangerous, emotional territory, like during the kitchen scene. And I don’t know about y’all, but that sounds like something I’ve done before when I knew there was something to get into, and I just didn’t know how or when. 

_______________________________________

Wow I could keep going but this is already so long. I’m so sorry everyone. But I figured we all now have two weeks so we have time to do a lot of reading 😅Thanks everybody for reminding me about the things that do make it seem like Buddie is an actual possibility, because most of the time, I have to admit, I’m like 70/30 against the hope of it becoming reality. Long live fanfiction! In conclusion, please make it happen, or explain all the choices you have made. YOU CAN’T! 

[sulkybbarnes]

Now my heart is in your hands, please don't give it up

Temporary Love - Ben Platt

Read on Ao3

Buck was having a weird night. The music in the bar throbbed inside his head, the beat residing in his skull and drumming mercilessly against the inside of his forehead. He hadn’t had anything to drink yet, so the headache couldn’t be attributed to alcohol, but they all had a long shift that day and the toll of it was making itself known against Buck’s eyelids. 

Buck had almost refused going out with the team but Eddie had nudged him with a private smile, silently asking if Buck wanted to go, and the latter folded like a cheap suit. It wasn’t often that Eddie wanted to -or could- go out with the rest of them, and Buck couldn’t refuse Eddie anything anyway. Which is how Buck found himself now at a bar he doesn’t want to be at, with a throbbing headache, silently begging the alcohol gods for the bartender to hurry up with the drinks --and trying to thwart the advances of a very attractive woman that Buck was very much uninterested in. It was all a bit much even for him.

“So, what do you do, Buck?” The woman asked after she introduced herself as Lea and waited to hear Buck’s name in return. She had a pretty smile and pretty eyes that were the wrong color for him. His thoughts drifted to Eddie who was sat back at their table.

“I’m a firefighter,” Buck said with a smile he hoped came off as polite rather the pained. He didn’t want to be rude, but he needed out of the conversation before the woman’s advances got any bolder. 

“Oh that’s great! My friend’s brother is a firefighter. I’m here with him tonight,” Lea’s smile widened. “Or I would be, if my friend could just show up already!”

Buck nodded his head, spotting the bartender coming forward with his tray of drinks and thanking whoever was listening out there. “I hope he doesn’t keep you waiting.” 

“Well, maybe it’s not a bad thing if he does,” Lea said, moving slightly closer and laying a hand on his arm. “You can keep me company until he gets here?”

All things considered, she was being respectful of his space, keeping as far back as the crowded area around the bar allowed her, and giving Buck a sweet smile. Buck felt stifled all the same. A few years ago, he would have considered moving closer and smiling back. Now, his head throbbed and he wished for Lea to remover her hand from his arm. He wished he could let her down easy without feeling bad about it. He wished for the comforting weight of Eddie’s shoulder pressed against his.

Buck sighed internally, preparing for the inevitable awkwardness of letting someone down. He tried to move back a step, but found no available space behind him, so he put on an apologetic smile instead and hoped for Lea’s hand to drop of its own accord. “I’m sorry but I’m already here with--”

“Hey, Buck,” Eddie’s voice sang in Buck’s ears as he came up to them. His eyes quickly darted between the two of them, catching on Lea’s hand on Buck’s arm for a moment, before settling on Buck’s face. Eddie’s expression turned complicated.

“Eddie,” Buck felt a real smile flickering to life. 

“You were taking too long. The others got impatient.” Eddie offered, and Buck could have kissed him for interfering before Buck had to come up with a flimsy excuse on why he couldn’t keep Lea company. 

“That’s on me,” Lea chimed in, “I think I kept him.” She said with a look aimed at Buck that made it clear she would like to keep him for far longer. 

Buck gave Eddie a wide-eyed look that any best friend would interpret as please save me. Eddie, because he’s a total jerk, smirked back at him.

“Sorry, I don’t think I introduced myself,” Eddie turned his attention to Lea, but took a step closer to Buck, effectively causing Lea to drop her hand from where it rested against Buck’s arm. Eddie’s polite smile was stuck firmly in place, his voice steady. He was infuriatingly charming even without trying. Buck would hate it if he wasn’t stupidly in love with it. “I’m Eddie, I’m Buck’s-”

“Boyfriend,” Buck volunteered, his face instantly flushing as two sets of eyes turned towards him. 

Eddie, who was decidedly not Buck’s boyfriend, had his eyebrows raised and an expression on his face that battled between amusement and exasperation. It told Buck that Eddie thought he was completely idiotic, but that Eddie liked Buck enough to go with his antics anyway. 

“This is Eddie. My boyfriend. Eddie, this is Lea.” Buck doubled down because he was nothing if not consistent with his impulsiveness. He resolutely ignored the stab of longing he felt at calling Eddie his boyfriend, and plastered on a smile that was only half fake. Relief was coursing through his veins for putting a definite end to whatever conversation was about to happen with Lea.

“Nice meeting you, Eddie,” Lea nodded at them, her smile only slightly disappointed. She seemed like a really nice person. Buck instantly felt bad lying to her, but he’d have felt worse trying to turn her down. “You too, Buck. I think I should go find my friends.”

“Nice meeting you,” Buck smiled back, keeping his tone friendly as Lea turned to leave. Technically none of this was too far off from the truth. Eddie might not be his boyfriend, but Buck would have turned anyone down because of the way his traitorous heart sang whenever Eddie was near.

Buck shifted his focus back to Eddie, finding the same look of exasperation and amusement still fixed in place. Eddie raised his eyebrows in silent question.

“It was faster than figuring out a nice way of telling her I’m not interested,” Buck shrugged, ignoring the way the movement made his head throb. He should have gone home to sleep.

“What’s wrong with you?” Eddie asked, then rolled his eyes at Buck’s wounded expression. “I meant that you look like you’re in pain, Buck.”

“Oh. That.” Buck grimaced, “I have a really bad headache. The music isn’t helping.” Nor the atmosphere, nor the press of strange bodies around them, nor the way Eddie’s expression softened into mild concern. 

“You should have went home to sleep it off, man” Eddie sighed. “Anyway we don’t have to stay long, we can leave after everyone has a couple of drinks.”

Buck started to protest that Eddie didn’t have to leave too for him, but was promptly cut off by Eddie shaking his head and clasping a comforting hand around Buck’s bicep. 

“We came here together.” The glint of amusement in Eddie’s eyes was the only warning Buck got before Eddie intoned, completely deadpan “Let me take you home, lover.”

Buck let out a burst of surprised laughter, then grinned when Eddie joined in.

“Okay, okay, a couple of drinks then we head out,” Buck said through the last remnants of amusement, his headache momentarily forgotten. 

“Sounds good,” Eddie squeezed Buck’s arm once, traces of a smile still in his voice. Buck grinned back as they both started moving towards their table. 

-----

The night wasn’t turning out to be so bad after all. Sat at the table between Hen and Eddie, Buck could let his friends’ conversation wash over him as he slowly sipped at his beer. 

Hen had given him a couple of assessing looks since they sat down, only leaning in once to ask if Buck was doing okay and nodding when he said he was tired. Eddie had provided comfort in the form of his shoulder pressed against Buck’s and their knees knocking together under the table, offering a line of warmth for Buck to lean into.

Across the table, Chimney chatted away with an arm thrown across the back of the empty chair next to him. Maddie had a shift at work tonight, but Albert was supposed to be joining them later. Buck had almost forgotten about that part until Chimney complained about his little brother always being late. The comment tugged at something in Buck’s brain, but he was too tired to examine it, and Eddie was so warm and inviting by his side that Buck had to focus all of his brain power into not leaning in until his head rested on Eddie’s shoulder. It was a painful battle to fight against his sluggish brain and stubborn heart. 

Buck had lost himself in watching everyone else nearly reach the end of their first drink, when he heard a set of new voices approaching the table. He turned to look at the newcomers, only to find Albert, an unidentified blonde girl by his side, and -oh, shit- Lea from the bar. 

Right. Her friend’s brother is a firefighter. Her friend was late. Her friend is Albert. The same Albert who was currently pulling back chairs for himself and the women accompanying him, as he offered introductions around the table.

“And these two are-” Albert pointed towards Buck’s end of the table, finishing up with introductions. 

“Buck and Eddie,” Lea said with a smile that seemed genuine. “We’ve already met!”

“Oh, you have?” Albert asked. 

“Yeah, earlier at the bar.” Lea offered, and Buck almost breathed out a sigh of relief that she left it at that. Except, Lea then continued with a sheepish, “Sorry for trying to hit on your boyfriend, Eddie. I’m terrible at reading signals.”

“Oh, you are definitely the worst at it!” The other girl chimed in, causing herself, Lea, and Albert to laugh before Albert launched into a story about his own failed flirting attempts to soften the blow. 

Meanwhile, Buck was trying to find a safe place to look. His options were Chimney’s bewildered expression fixed on him and Eddie, or Hen's questioning look that was quickly turning into a teasing grin. 

Buck turned to Eddie with another wide-eyed look that communicated save me. 

Eddie looked as if he were trying very hard not to laugh at Buck’s misfortune. He had on the same look he reserved for when Chris got into trouble for something Eddie found hilarious, but had an obligation to disprove of as a parent.

 Eddie’s lips gave him away with an upwards twitch as he shrugged then hid his smile with a sip of his drink. Buck was getting no help from him this time. He’ll have to do the explaining to their friends.

Buck ignored Hen and Chim’s questioning looks for the moment and let his forehead knock against Eddie’s shoulder in defeat. Underneath him, Eddie’s shoulder shook with silent laughter. 

Buck was too sleep deprived for all of this.

-----

“So you told her you had a boyfriend instead of just letting her down easy like any sane adult would?” Hen asked with amusement coloring her tone. They were getting the second set of drinks, but Buck knew it was more of a guise to get him alone and talking. None of them had even finished the first round after Albert and his friends joined them.

“I don’t know, Hen, she seemed nice and I had a headache. Didn’t wanna be accidentally rude to her.” Buck shrugged, the motion once again making his head hurt. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“I’m sure that’s the only reason you did it.” Hen gave him a knowing look, although she was kind enough to not elaborate on what she knew. “And Eddie just went with it?”

“He’s my best friend,” Buck said, as if that explained everything. And maybe it did, because Hen just grinned at him again and nodded. “And any way, it’s too late now. It’d be even more awkward to try and explain the truth.”

“Chim is going to love this. You know you and Eddie are gonna have to pretend to be a couple now or the jig is up right?” Hen said jokingly, then laughed at Buck when he flipped her off. “Nah but seriously, we’ll move the conversation away from it if it comes up. You look like hell, Buckaroo, I don’t want that pretty head of yours exploding with overthinking every word you say tonight.”

“Thanks, Hen,” Buck smiled gratefully. He appreciated her more than he could ever say. He knew that even though antagonizing each other was second nature for them, Hen would have his back whenever he needed her to.

“No worries, Buck,” Hen grinned. “Now let’s get back before that boyfriend of yours starts getting worried.” 

Buck groaned as Hen laughed at him some more.

-----

Hen kept to her word and steered the conversation clear of any relationship status related talk, but that didn’t stop it from coming up naturally anyway about forty minutes into their second set of drinks.

The conversation had turned to Chim and Maddie, after Albert exclaimed his excitement about becoming an uncle and then volunteered that his brother was dating Buck’s sister. 

“Buck and I will be the most fun uncles in the world! Right, Buckley?” Albert boasted with an infectious grin. He raised his hand for a high five that Buck returned with enthusiasm.

“You know it!” Buck said with an infectious grin of his own. His headache had quietened down to a mild throbbing that he could mostly ignore. 

“Wow, your team must feel like a family,” Lea gestured between them, “With Chimney having a baby with Buck’s sister, and the two of you dating.” 

“The 118 has always been a family, even before any of that.” Buck replied vaguely but honestly. Hen, Chim, and Bobby had been his family from day one, and Eddie had his back regardless of the nature of their relationship. 

“That’s true,” Chim agreed with a smile. Hen had somehow managed to brief him on her conversation with Buck -probably by texting him- and he was playing along, despite his visible amusement. Buck knew that he and Hen will rip him for it later, when he looked less dead on his feet. “We’re always in each other’s pockets. Our Captain is married to one of Hen’s closest friends, and Hen and her wife sometimes watch Eddie’s kid. They’ve also already volunteered their time to help with our newborn. As did the Buckley-Diazes over there.”

That last part was aimed at Buck and Eddie with a wink, eliciting a low snort from Hen. So they weren’t escaping fully unscathed tonight. Buck gave Chimney a weak glare.

“Just the Diazes, Chim. We’re not hyphenating,” Eddie replied as he laced his fingers through Buck’s on top of the table, serving the purpose of causing Chim to splutter on the sip of beer he just took. People really didn’t give Eddie enough credit for his subtle sense of humor. 

“Yeah, Chim, stop making assumptions! Buckley-Diaz is a mouthful.” Buck played along, squeezing Eddie’s fingers once and delighting in the way Chim narrowed his eyes at both of them. He also pointedly ignored the way this conversation and the feel of Eddie’s hand tugged at his heart. Eddie quirked a small smile at him. 

“Whatever, man, as long as you two are babysitting you can call yourselves whatever you want,” Chim recovered easily.

“You know, I had a strong feeling you two were together, but no one ever said anything so I thought it’d be rude to ask,” Albert chimed in, completely unaware of the way Chim’s eyes widened comically or the way Buck’s heart jumped at his words. “It’s just the way you two are around each other and Chris, you know? Must be nice having that kind of bond.”

And oh, right. No one had thought to let Albert in on what was happening. Buck thought faintly that that was going to be a far more awkward conversation to have than if he had just let Lea down gently. 

Well. Fuck.

Eddie, as if sensing Buck’s distress, pressed his shoulder firmly against Buck’s to offer silent comfort.

“Well, Buck has been a real blessing for us. Most days I have to fight him for my son’s attention,” Eddie replied without missing a beat, squeezing Buck’s hand. He was always so calm and steady where Buck floundered. Always capable of balancing a situation. “And it helps having someone there to pull off the good-cop, bad-cop routine about having desserts for dinner.” 

“Not that we need to do it that often,” Buck interjected without thinking, “Chris is an angel.”

“Chris also has Buck wrapped around his little finger.” Eddie’s smile was a soft thing, causing the moment to warmly envelope the two of them. His warm brown eyes held Buck’s until he forgot that there was ever anyone else sat at the table.

“That’s something for you and Maddie to look forward to, Chim. Good luck controlling your kid’s sugar intake with these two around.” Eddie finished, gesturing between Buck and Albert, and effectively snapping Buck out of whatever haze he had sunk in. 

Across from Buck, the new trio smiled widely at whatever laughing answer Chim gave. Buck felt a new type of exhaustion bleeding over him.

“You okay, Buck?” Hen nudged him with understanding itched onto her feature. Buck hated how obvious he must be for her to wear that expression.

“All good, Hen. Just need to sleep it off.” Buck couldn’t hear her response over the loud thudding in his ears.

Nestled on the table between the two of them, Eddie’s fingers were still interlaced with his.

-----

Buck and Eddie had finally managed to say their goodbyes to everyone a little while later and make their exit. Buck’s headache had come back in full force towards the end of the night, and he wanted nothing more than to sleep it off. He mused that Hen might have been on-to something with her comment about overthinking, then quickly derailed that train of thought. 

Nothing good would come out of dwelling on the events of tonight.

Buck made an impulsive choice that turned into a funny situation. Eddie went along with it because he was being a good friend as he always is. Nothing to any of it. 

Buck reasoned that it also meant nothing that they spent the better part of the night holding hands or leaning into each other, since it was all for show.

Upon arriving to Eddie’s house, Buck said hello to Carla for the second time that night then made his way to the kitchen. With a glass of water acquired, he allowed himself to walk back into the living room where he collapsed on the sofa with a groan. His car was still in Eddie’s driveway from when he had dropped it off there earlier, so that he and Eddie could share a cab at the end of the night. 

He and Eddie had stopped by to see Chris off to bed before they went to the bar, their shift having ended just before his bedtime. Buck promised Chris that he will see him again the following day since both he and Eddie were off, and he intended on keeping that promise.

He hadn’t really planned on drinking tonight, so he already regretted the two beers he ended up having. They couldn’t have possibly done his headache any favors. The idea of driving back to his place in his current state physically pained him, and so he found himself leaning back on the couch with an arm thrown over his eyes. He was aware of Eddie and Carla conversing in the background, but he must have dozed off at some point because the next thing he knew was Eddie gently shaking him awake.

“Buck, it won’t help your headache if you sleep sitting up. Trust me.” Eddie said as Buck blinked awake.

“Shit. Sorry, was gonna grab some water then leave,” Buck ran a hand down his face. “Guess I dozed off.”

“You’re not going anywhere.” Eddie shook his head. “You’re dead on your feet, and you were drinking earlier.”

“I only had two beers,” Buck argued weakly, but Eddie’s unimpressed glare shut him up. 

It wasn’t often that Buck slept over at Eddie’s, but when he did it was on nights like this one where he was too tired to drive back or had had something to drink.

“Alright,” Buck agreed with a sheepish look, “Just get me some pillows and I’m all set.”

“You’re not sleeping on the couch,” Eddie shook his head. “Come on. We can share the bed.”

Buck was too tired to argue or even think much of it, so he allowed Eddie to pull him up by the hand then followed him silently to his room. The fact that the world swayed as Buck moved told him that staying the night was the right decision. 

Once changed and in bed, sleep was quickly weighing Buck down. He wasn’t aware of much but Eddie made him take some aspirin and drink more water before he lost the battle against his eyelids. 

Buck murmured a thank you, and was asleep before he could hear Eddie’s response. In his dreams, kind brown eyes smiled at him and a warm body offered a line of warmth against his side. 

------

Buck woke up way earlier than he wanted to on a day off. A glance at his phone told him it was only four in the morning.

His headache was completely gone, replaced by swirling thoughts and the remnants of sleep.

By his side, Eddie was asleep close enough for Buck to feel heat radiating off of his body even though they weren’t touching. Buck let out an inaudible sigh as he felt the last dredges of sleepiness escaping him. In its wake Buck was left with images from last night and some wild hope pocking at his heart.

To distract from the latter, Buck started thinking about awkwardly explaining things to Albert once he saw him again, but that plan backfired when echoes of Albert saying I had a strong feeling you two were together sounded in Buck’s mind. On the heels of that came Hen’s knowing look, the ease with which Eddie assumed his role as Buck’s “boyfriend”, and how it wasn’t that different from how he acted as Buck’s best friend. And to top it all off, waking up in Eddie’s bed, at Eddie’s home, made Buck’s heart ache in an entirely new way. Eddie by his side, close and warm. The house around them a painful reminder of Eddie and Chris and the place they held in Buck’s heart. It was the type of pain Buck was willing to take if it meant not ruining what they had.

Buck sighed softly, unable to hold it in this time. Next to him, Eddie shifted until he was on his side facing Buck. 

“It’s way too early for you to be thinking this hard,” Eddie mumbled, his voice soft enough as to not break the quiet around them. Buck’s heart jumped despite the gentle tone.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” Buck whispered back. He was looking at Eddie and marveling at how beautiful he looked rumbled and with sleep-heavy eyes. Like this Eddie seemed closer than ever before, so within reach if only Buck would breach the few inches between them and touch him.

“Sure, I could hear you thinking,” Eddie joked, and then pressed a smile into his pillow when Buck pocked him in the side. There was little light to see by, but the glow of the streetlamps outside were enough for Buck to make out Eddie’s face and his amused expression. “Want to talk about it?”

“You’re half asleep.” Buck argued weakly.

“I’m a dad and ex-military,” Eddie said with a smile lingering in his voice, “Trust me, I’m awake. What’s up, buddy?”

“I’ve been thinking about last night,” Buck started, glancing at Eddie to make sure he was still awake. “About why I turned down Albert’s friend?”

The last part ticked up into a question without Buck’s permission. Eddie nodded for him to keep going, and then when Buck said nothing, “Why did you turn her down?”

“Why did you play along?” Buck asked in return. It wasn’t what he intended on saying, but it came out all the same.

“Because you’re my best friend.” Eddie answered steadily, his voice low but clear, “Because you looked like you’d rather be anywhere than there with her hand on you. Because I knew we can easily sell being a couple, and there are far worse things than spending a night being your boyfriend.”

Eddie brought a hand up to rub at his face in what looked like frustration. Maybe that last part wasn’t meant for Buck’s ears. So much for Eddie’s Dad Superpowers. Buck’s lips twitched into a smile.

“Yeah, I didn’t mind being your boyfriend much either.”

“High praise.” Eddie breathed out on a laugh. He reached out and tugged at Buck’s arm until Buck was on his side too, facing Eddie. “Why did you turn her down, Buck?”

Buck thought about where he wanted to start. A more reasonable person might opt out of having a talk like this here and now, when Buck was in Eddie’s bed with no non-embarrassing way out if their talk went badly. But the thing was that Buck trusted Eddie with his life and his heart, and he trusted him to be kind no matter what he thought of what Buck was about to say, and any awkwardness caused by the situation would be something they can laugh about later. Probably, much later, but still. 

If anything, the darkness around them, the way the air held its breath so nothing but their voices remained, the comforting presence of Eddie in every inch of this room --it all made Buck want to spill his heart out right here and now. So, Buck did what he does best. He took the jump, and trusted Eddie to have his back.

“She wasn’t what I wanted,” Buck answered. His fingers toyed with the light blanket thrown over him and Eddie. “Or, well, she wasn’t who I wanted. I think that’s been the problem with everyone I’ve dated or turned down over the past-” two years, “few months. That I keep comparing them to the person I do want, and no one measures up, Eddie.”

Eddie’s hand gave an encouraging squeeze where it held Buck’s arm. A comforting weight that kept him grounded. Keep going, it said to him.

“You said you knew it’d be easy for us to sell being a couple. Why did you say that?” Buck’s eyes reached for Eddie in the dark, trying to make out the look Eddie wore. Warmth seeped into Buck’s skin where Eddie slowly moved his thumb soothingly.

“We spend all of our time together, and I still want to see you and talk to you when you’re not around. You’re the person I trust the most in the world with my son. The person I make space for, wherever I am.” Eddie’s quiet voice did nothing to slow down the rapid dance of Buck’s heart. “You heard what Albert said. What he thought. We’re already doing it, Buck. Most of it. All the important parts.” 

The last part was a plea for Buck to understand, and he finally did all at once. Here he was thinking he’d be taking a jump alone, when Eddie planned to join him all along. 

“We’re doing it all. Just. Not the more fun parts,” Eddie added in a weak attempt at humor. His voice shook a little. The first real sign of his nerves.

“Should get right on that,” Buck’s heart ached with longing and happiness. He extended a hand to brush it against Eddie’s jaw, and smiled when Eddie’s eyes fluttered closed. “I turned her down because she wasn’t you. No one could ever come close to you. You’re my best friend and I’m so grateful for that. For you taking me in and trusting me with Chris, and if that’s all you’re willing to give then I’ll take it.” Buck couldn’t stop now that he started. His thumb brushed against Eddie’s stubbled jaw, and Eddie didn’t stop him. “But I want more, Eddie. I want this,” Buck gestured between them, “and everything else too. I don’t want to have to pretend to be your boyfriend. I want it to be real.”

Eddie moved swiftly, pushing Buck to lay on his back and hovering above him, only a breath separating their faces. This close, he was painted in light and shadow, expression half hidden but his warmth unmistakable above Buck. His warm eyes caught Buck’s and held for a moment.

“I want it to be real too,” Eddie breathed against Buck’s lips, then kissed him without waiting for a response. And Buck kissed him back. Of course he did.

He thought that he could stay here in this bed and kiss Eddie forever. If Buck felt comforted by the press of Eddie’s shoulder to his before, it was nothing compared to Eddie’s weight above him, his fingers running through Buck’s hair, his lips mapping Buck’s face and capturing his lips again and again and again.

Buck was half afraid he would wake up soon to find out this was all a cruel dream.

Against his lips, Eddie laughed. “Not a dream, Buck.” 

“Didn’t mean to say that out loud.” Buck pouted, and got another kiss for his trouble followed by more laughter from Eddie. “No laughing at me. I don’t like you anymore.”

“Of course you do,” Eddie smirked, but the expression quickly dissolved into amused fondness. “You think I’m dreamy.”

Buck groaned out a protest then yawned. He pulled Eddie closer to hide his face in Eddie’s neck when his yawn elicited more laughter. 

“We should sleep, we’ll only get a few more hours of it before Chris is up demanding breakfast.” Eddie murmured, planting a kiss to Buck’s temple. “We can talk more about this in the morning, okay?”

“Sounds good to me,” Buck murmured, already being lulled to sleep by the cadence of Eddie’s voice and the warmth of Eddie surrounding him. “But, just so you know, you’re mine now. No take backs.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, bud.” Eddie pressed a small smile into Buck’s skin.

Buck fell back asleep with Eddie curled against his chest, and Eddie’s hand soothingly running up and down his arm. The weight of it safe and welcome.

[stuck-in-hawkins]

When He Left: Fall Semester 1989

Fandom: Stranger Things

Pairing: Mike Wheeler x Will Byers

Rating: Teen

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24656785/chapters/62398351

August 18th 1989

Mike’s eyes stung as he made his way back from the airport.  He turned down familiar roads. He thought he was driving back to his house but then, he ended up on Mirkwood.  He pulled over and rested his head on the steering wheel.  He didn’t want to go back home.  He didn’t want to sit in that house with his parents, who wouldn’t understand why he was crying so much.  He couldn’t explain it to them.  He didn’t want to face it.  But he so desperately wanted to talk about it.  

Lucas, Max, and Dustin were still getting settled in their dorms.  He would talk about it with them, but there was no way to reach them now.  The dorms’ only lines were shared pay phones, meaning they had to call him.  He felt like he was unraveling.  He just wanted to go someplace he could talk about it… or else he risked slipping into old habits.  

A thought dawned on him and he turned the ignition, waking the engine again.  He drove towards Indianapolis.  

_____________________

 Mike stood at the front door, he remembered how nervous Will had been the first time.  Coming to group had been such a good thing for Will.  He opened up and could talk about things he had bottled up, questions, thoughts, and topics that had been forbidden in most every other place.  The Indiana Youth Group had provided a safe space for Will and other queer teens to come together to talk and hang out.  Mike had driven Will countless times: sometimes for meetings, sometimes for events the group had arranged. Mike didn’t always stay for them, though.  He knew that group was one of the few places Will could talk about their relationship.  Mostly, he would just drop Will off, especially towards the end.

Mike couldn’t seem to move.  Doubt froze him to the stoop.  His fingers hovered over the doorbell..  He wondered if he had any right to be there.  He was straight… just also in love with his best friend.  He was confused.  What right did he have to be there?  But then, the door swung in and Chris Gonzalez stood in the frame; the man who ran the group, organized the meetings, opened up his home to lost teens.  His face was nearly always accompanied by a kind smile, like the one he was giving Mike.

“It’s good to see you again, Mike.  Come on in.”  

Mike nodded, “Nice to see you, too.” He followed behind him, still feeling awkward but thankful for the invite, it made him feel a little less like an outsider.

Everybody was putting food on their plates and sitting down.  Mike knew he should probably eat, but his stomach was so tight and gnawing on itself.  He just grabbed a roll and picked at it.  What was he even going to say?  

“Mike!”  

He turned to see Aubrey.  She didn’t give him a moment and wrapped him up in a hug.  

“Aubrey! How have you been?”

She had changed her hair to be in box braids with beads of every color, paired with bright neon shirt that read: “We are Everywhere.”

She let go, her smile shining.   “Really good!  I haven’t seen you since the picnic!  How have you been?”

“Good.  You did an incredible job organizing it.  I can’t believe how many people were there!”

She beamed, “I only organized the student chapter.”

“Well, it was a lot of fun.”  

“Thank you.  Do you want to get a seat together?”

“Sure.”  He felt such a wave of relief at not having to sit alone.  

As everybody sat down, Chris and his partner, Jeff, started out the meeting the way they always did, emphasizing the importance of confidentiality and sensitivity with the information, experiences, and stories shared in the space.  Mike listened as people began to share.  The knot in his stomach tightened and he felt like an invader.  Like a whiny child, craving attention, taking it away from people who had experienced far worse.  Someone who had been kicked out of their house and were living with a friend.  Another who couldn’t seem to break the cycle of abuse in their relationships.

What right did he have to be there?

“Mike, do you want to share?”

Mike nodded, “Umm… I… some of you probably don’t know me, but I’m Will’s friend.  I just dropped him off at the airport.  He’s going to college in San Francisco.” He looked around the room and suddenly felt his courage flee.  “I just wanted you guys to know how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for Will.  He’s been my friend for most of my life and he’s always been pretty shy around other people so I was nervous about him being out in California but he really opened up with you guys and it… it’s just a huge relief.  So, thank you.”

“It was wonderful having him here, and it’s good to see you here, too.  But you know you’re welcome here just as much, don't you?” Chris smiled.

Mike shook his head, “I…” His thoughts accused and raced around him, ‘I am a leech.’  ‘I don’t belong here.’ ‘I just would take up space.’

“Mike, if there is something else you want to talk about, it’s okay.”

How much had Will told them?  Did they know about their relationship?  Did they think he was just an asshole who used Will as a rebound?  He blinked hard.

He was trying so hard to keep it in but it was bursting forth.  He held his arm over his face.  

He tried to breathe but a sob came out instead.  “I didn’t want him to go.”  He felt Aubrey’s hand on his.  “I mean I want him to be happy.  I want him to get the job of his dreams…”  Then, it was like he’d opened the floodgates and everything came pouring out.  “I was such a selfish prick.  The whole time.  We… I know he probably told you guys but… Will and I used to.... We kissed.” And slept together and held each other.  Mike confessed, feeling shame in his cheeks, “I made it out like it was some kind of placeholder.  I knew it was temporary.  That I wouldn’t go with him to California.  So I didn’t want to give it a name.  I didn’t want to say what it actually was.  I don’t think I’m gay because I loved girls for most of my life.  I don’t know why I made an exception for him.  I don’t know how I can stop feeling this.  I don’t know how to let him go.”  He folded in on himself.  He felt embarrassed for laying himself bare like this, but it felt so good to say it.  “And I know I need to let him go, because… he’s gonna find someone else there-” and then he couldn’t talk anymore.  Aubrey had her hand on his back and he felt so weak.  

He heard Aubrey, “It’s okay, Mike.  For what it’s worth, I think you were an amazing boyfriend to Will, even if you didn’t call it that.  You’re a good friend to him.”

“I used him,” Mike whispered.

Elaine spoke from across the room.  She was transitioning to female.  In the time since Mike’s last visit, her hair had grown longer, and it was more stylized.  She seemed healthier, and he could hear her voice was changing, too. “I don’t think you used him, Mike.  You brought him here, drove him to the airport, actively encouraged him to go out there. None of that comes from someone that uses their partner.”

Chris spoke in a tone that was quiet but comforting, “Mike, the pain you are feeling right now is a kind of grief.  You are right to feel like something is ending because, in a lot of ways, your relationship with Will is going to change.  But that is not a bad thing.  You have such a strong foundation of friendship that I don’t think a thousand miles could break that.”

Mike wiped his eyes.  They stung so much from the day’s tears.  A boy from on the other side of Mike handed him a box of tissues.  

Jeff offered, “And it isn’t just one or the other.  Being straight or gay.  There is a large spectrum of sexuality that I think we are only beginning to scratch the surface of.  There are people that are attracted to one sex, both, or none at all.”  He asked, “Have you told Will about this?  About how you feel?”

Mike shook his head.  “Not really, but won’t it hurt him more to tell him now that we’re miles apart?”

Jeff answered, “I think communication is the most important thing in any relationship and will get you through most things life has to throw at you.  Burying it, hiding your feelings, hurts more in the end.”

It had felt so good and cathartic to talk with them, to let out something he’d been holding in for what felt like forever.  But their advice, while comforting, was so much harder to follow when Will was actually on the phone.  

For the first month Will was at college, Mike was like a lifeline for him.  Will called nearly every other day.  He knew Will depended on his voice to get through all the newness of the place.  Of having a roommate who didn’t understand why Will woke up in a panic at least once a week.  Of feeling overwhelmed with the load of work.  Not because the amount was especially heavy but because Will felt like nothing he made was good enough.  He was alongside people that went to high schools devoted to the arts or had been enrolled in courses since elementary school.  Mike imagined himself a lighthouse in a storm for Will.  And, if he was being honest with himself, he craved it.  It felt good to be needed.  

And so it was easier to prioritize Will’s problems, to minimize his own and not talk about his confusion.  And the longer he waited to tell Will, the more it felt awkward.  He was building up a wall.  He knew what he was doing, he just didn’t know how to stop.  Was this why it took Will so long to come out?

As the month went on, though, Will called less.  He had begun to find people in San Francisco.  The presence of the gay community was so open there.  For the first time, he saw drag queens out walking the city strips.  The Castro district became his sanctuary and he even found some people that went to his college.  Will found ways to distract himself outside of Mike.

He could feel Will pulling away.  He was opening up.  He didn’t need him as much and suddenly, confessing wasn’t such a scary thing, it might be a way to keep Will close.  But thinking like that felt so selfish.  His reason felt so selfish.  

He hadn’t been going to say anything but found himself slip one day.  “What do you think about bi people?”

Will seemed surprised, “What do you mean?”

Mike could feel his palms sweating as he held the receiver.  He’d overheard conversations from some of the gay guys in group.

‘I don’t understand how anyone could date someone bisexual.  What if he just decided he liked girls better after all? No thanks.’  ‘I got enough problems finding a guy who can commit to a relationship.  I don’t need one who can’t even pick a gender.’

Mike stumbled, “Just um… if you know anyone that is… if you think they’re just faking it… I dunno…”

Will was quiet for a second.  “June used to say something like that.  That bi guys are just gay guys that are too cowardly to admit to it.  But I think that’s bull.  Bowie is bi and he’s one of the bravest people I know.”

Mike exclaimed, “Where did you hear that Bowie is bi?!”

“One of my friends in group has been religiously recording Bowie interviews for ages.  In one of them the interviewer asked if he was bisexual and he was just like, ‘I am.’  The interviewer was like, ’Yeah, but are you really?’ And he just told her, ‘I’ve answered the question.’”  Will laughed,  “There’s a reason he’s an icon.”

Mike couldn’t find the words. Somebody that felt so close, someone that was in his box of records, was bisexual and he never knew.  Nobody talked about it.

Will continued, “I can’t pretend that I understand what it’s like.  For me, I never liked girls.  So I can’t imagine what it’s like being bi, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or that their experiences are invalid, you know?”

Mike nodded, and barely spoke out an audible, “Yeah.”  He felt relieved but didn’t know how to get the next part out.  “I- Will?  I... I loved El.  But everything with you… none of it was pretend.”  

“I never felt like it was.”  And Mike could hear it.  There was a way Will communicated sometimes.  His heart would be in his throat and he could say so much with so little.  

Mike laid his head back on the pillow, it was barely audible, “It’s still there… I love you.”  There was a moment of fear, that he would hold Will back, that he was trying to keep a bird in a cage but then, without a moment’s hesitation-  

“I love you, Mike.”  He could hear it as full as the day in the airport.  

Mike felt his heart swell.  There was a heaviness, a weight.  It was something that they always said, but this time it was different.  This time it felt binding.  There was no ‘now’ at the end.  Nothing to tie it to the moment.  It was something that would stretch out for forever, or for as long as Mike could foresee it.  And though Mike was afraid, although he still wasn’t sure if he even believed in forever, he wanted to believe in it with every fiber of his being.

His doubt was kept at bay for the moment.  But only for that moment...

[welcometophu]

Into the Split: Reconstruction 2

Twinned Book 3: Into the Split

Reconstruction 2

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Nikolai almost expects a celebration in Haverhill the next day, but there is nothing overtly done. Instead there is an air of calm that replaces the anxious expectation that had suffused them all in the recent weeks. In many ways, that’s easier. Nikolai feels like he can finally relax, even if there are still things that he needs to do. The worst of it is over; they have time for the rest.

His home will still be there, his family alive and waiting for him, and that’s the most important thing.

The delegates drift away, most of the older crowd and Clan leaving earlier, while many of the Mages linger. Rory says goodbye to his parents and grandparents, but Valentine stays, her daughter trailing after Alaric like a brightly-caped duckling, while her son lingers around the edges of the PHU crowd, listening intently.

At one point Cass turns to Elijah, her lips pursed. He blinks, as if surprised to gain the regard of one of the older people. “You’re staring,” she says curtly.

“So?” he retorts. “You do the same thing. Besides. I might want to go to PHU someday. I’m studying you.”

“Hmph.” Cass crosses her arms and turns her back on Elijah. At the same time, she takes a step to the right, a little closer to Nate, making space for Elijah in the circle.

He hesitates before stepping in and allowing them to include him.

Dayton makes a late entrance, moving as if she doesn’t have a care in the world while the rest of her community’s contingent waits impatiently to start the long drive home. Stormy trails behind her, barefoot and still in a rumpled sleep shirt and shorts. Stormy rubs at her eyes, yawning, stretching just as Dayton turns around and reaches for her.

Stormy falls against her with a small noise that turns to a low rumble as Dayton kisses her, then rubs her cheek against Stormy’s. Dayton sets her back on her feet, and Stormy sways slightly, her cheek flushed from the attention.

“I knew that was flirting when you met her,” Rory mutters.

“It wasn’t, not then, but oh man, she is fun,” Stormy admits. “It’s probably not a long-term thing, but it is going to be a good time every time we meet up. When are you planning on staging another crisis? I’ll pencil in another round of crisis survival sex.”

Mac coughs around a laugh while Rory looks pained. “I don’t need the details,” he mumbles, while Stormy nudges him with her shoulder.

“You’re still taking me back to PHU for the festival this weekend, right?” she says. “I promise to behave better than Thorne. Just let me go shower and pack up, and I’ll be ready to go.”

“It’s not hard to behave better than Thorne!” Rory calls after her, and Stormy laughs as she blows him a kiss before walking away.

Heather’s phone pings, and she opens it up, frowning. “I think I’m missing an exam. I don’t even remember an exam being scheduled this week. Why would anyone schedule an exam for election week? Everyone skips classes this week.”

“The professor’s a dick, remember?” Cass mutters. “I’m pretty sure he scheduled it on purpose because everyone still on campus probably got drunk last night.”

“Your absences are excused,” Pawel says. “I spoke to administration and you have all been noted as working on a special project for me, details to be provided upon my return to the school. You’ll be able to make up the exam next week, just in time for finals.”

“Lovely,” Heather mutters. “I didn’t have enough work to do in the next two weeks. Is there any chance they’ll just drop those grades? We did save the world.”

“I don’t think there’s any magic you can work for that one,” Nikita murmurs, her arm around Heather’s back. “But that’s okay. We just need to get through the tests—we can scream a lot during primal scream time—and then we get a whole summer off.”

“Some of us have to work for the summer,” Rory points out.

“You’re touring,” Nikita counters.

“That’s work! Have you ever set up heavy equipment, then spent an hour performing on a hot stage, and then lugged that heavy equipment off stage again so you could pack it up before getting stuck in a small, beat up van for hours on the road? It’s hard work,” Rory grumbles. “Plus it stinks. And I think Andy’s fiancé is coming along with us, and that’s just going to make all the arrangements at the motels messy. Plus we have an album to record. That we need to write songs for.”

Someone else counters with an example of working on a farm for the summer, and someone else complains about serving ice cream to hoards of small children. It’s all outside of Nikolai’s frame of reference, but it sounds like it’s normal for them.

Seth wraps his arms around Nikolai, whispering, “I’m looking forward to getting back to Havenhill and getting our own jobs. It’ll be hard work there, but it’ll be safe. Imagine what it’s going to be like when nothing’s chasing us, and the world isn’t falling into darkness.”

It sounds like bliss.

“Dax!” Cass’s voice breaks through the low chatter as Dax comes into the room. His light jacket is unzipped, hanging open, and his curly hair is windswept. He smiles, and there’s something lighter in his expression as he approaches Cass, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her quickly.

“Well?” Alaric asks.

“It’s done,” Dax says, his smile infusing his tone. “Orson’s settled, finally. He might still be around; I get the impression he wanted to stick around for you and Drea, if you want him to. But he’s not worried about war anymore. If he’s worried about you in general, that’s something you’ll have to solve yourself. If you go there to talk, he might be listening.”

“Is there a point, if he can’t talk back?” Alaric growls softly. Chris’s hand on his back stops him from stepping forward, but his expression is gloomy.

“Would it make you feel better?” Dax asks.

Alaric rocks back, gaze dropping.

“Let’s take a walk,” Chris says quietly. “We don’t have to leave right this second, and I don’t mind heading out there.” He slides his hand into Alaric’s and waits.

Alaric huffs, a disgruntled sound. “Thanks,” he grumbles before he turns away.

“Hey.” Carolyn touches Nikolai’s arm. “Can we talk for a second? Before we all get into cars and things get even more chaotic than they already feel.”

Nikolai glances at Seth; with his tacit approval, they both head for the back of the house and Carolyn follows them outside.

They sit on the bench that says for cats.

“Del left early,” Carolyn says quietly. “She woke me up before she went, but Sam and Shawn wanted to get home, and I think they were worried that if she stayed, she’d go back into the Dreamscape.”

“They think taking her home is going to change that?” Nikolai knows Carolyn understands from the way she smiles. “I don’t think anything will keep Del out of the Dreaming.”

“It wasn’t always about that for her,” Carolyn admits. “A long time ago we were very different people. We’re still trying to catch up with who we are now. But yeah, she’ll be there. She said to tell you that she’ll stay in touch with you, and that she promises not to get lost.”

Nikolai isn’t sure he believes that. He thinks the Dreamscape is a siren’s song to Del, something that wants to pull her in. It’s different from how it usually is for other Dreamwalkers who want to pull the Dreamscape into the real world instead. “You can tell her I’ll come find her after I’m home,” he promises in return. “But first Seth and I have to figure out how to get home.”

“Actually.” Carolyn twists her hands together. “I have a favor to ask you. Before you go.”

Nikolai can’t think why she’s nervous, unless…. “Does it involve staying? Because we really don’t want to unless we’re stuck,” he admits. “You’ve got a lot of good things here, but home has Josef and Mikhail.”

A soft, rough laugh. “No, I know you want to go, and I don’t blame you. I can’t imagine being somewhere separated from Kit, and yes, we’re twins, so maybe it’s different, and actually that—” She looks at him sideways. “Have you thought about what it’ll be like to be apart from Nikita now?”

“We aren’t that kind of close.” The words come easily, because they aren’t. Not like twins who were raised together, and not even like his brothers, despite the years when Nikolai thought they were dead. “It’s more like we’re the same person, not like siblings.” He likes Nikita, but he can handle the idea of being in a different world again. That seems more right than how they are now.

“I’d actually like to take a look at that scientifically.” Carolyn’s fingers tighten where they’re tangled in her lap. “This probably isn’t a thing in your world anymore; maybe it was before the Split. But we do a lot of genetic testing. People can send off their spit and have it come back with a report saying whether they’re related. People are always trying to find out their genetic heritage, or seeking out lost relatives. But I was thinking that I’d like to see how you and Nikita are related. If you wouldn’t mind.”

“Does it hurt?” Nikolai asks. When Carolyn shakes her head, he adds, “Is it dangerous?”

“Not at all. It’d just be a blueprint for who you are, and nothing really could be done with it.” Carolyn wrinkles her nose. “It might cause some confusion with the government since technically you don’t exist, but that’s what Sera’s for, I think. We can have her take care of things.” Her shoulders are still hunched and tense. “If you’re leaving, you probably won’t ever find out what—”

“Tell Del, have her tell me if you want to make sure I have that kind of closure,” Nikolai suggests. “You’ve already said she and I have a date to lie around in the meadow and watch butterflies, right?”

Carolyn’s shoulders soften as she laughs. “Right. I guess you do. I think—this might tell us something more about the genetics of Talent. Which I really would like to know more about, even though that’s not my field. I think it’ll help Kit, though. He wants to be a doctor. And I want to study why people do what they do, and sometimes knowing how things work helps. And the more we know about these twinned worlds—”

“The more of them you can go off and save?” Nikolai asks.

Carolyn gives him a startled look. “That’s not—”

“You said your Traveling is linked to the same kind of Talent that Dreamwalkers have and Shadowwalkers have, right?” It makes a kind of sense to Nikolai. “Now that the Split isn’t a pit of darkness, maybe it’s something you can use, too. Maybe you’re more like a traditional Shadowwalker than the corrupted kind that had been Emerging, and that’s why you couldn’t figure out how you fit in.”

“I—” Carolyn cuts off, her mouth slightly open.

Nikolai figures that’s a thought for later, because it might take Carolyn some time to come to terms with it. He reaches over, covers her tightly clasped hands with his own and squeezes. “Maybe I’ll see you again someday, too. I’m not sure I can say I’m glad about all of the things that have happened, but I’m glad we met, and I’m glad we were able to help each other here.”

He rises, Seth coming with him. When Nikolai reaches, Seth’s hand is there, fingers tangling together like they’ve always fit.

Carolyn stays where they left her, head bowed, brow furrowed.

“Do you want us to tell someone—”

Carolyn shakes her head. “Pretty sure Kit won’t let them leave without me,” she says quietly. “I’m just going to sit here and think for a little bit.”

“That was a hell of a theory to drop on her,” Seth whispers as they walk back into the house. Voices come from the front and they head in that direction so they can catch up with their ride back to PHU. “I didn’t even think of it.”

“I might be wrong,” Nikolai says. He doesn’t think he is, though. The more he rolls it over in his head, the more sense it makes. And he suspects that’s how they made it from one world to another in the first place. She might not be able to control it now, but he suspects that Carolyn is some kind of hybrid Shadowwalker that let her use the Split as it was. And hopefully as it is, eventually, too.

Valentine stands in the hall, meeting them before they can get to the crowd at the front. “I spent some time talking to Alaric,” she says.

“About Havenhill?” Seth asks, nodding as soon as he asks. “Okay, yes, about Havenhill.”

“Empaths are honestly a little disturbing,” Valentine replies. She looks down the hall, then motions for them to move into the great hall. It’s empty and echoing, aside from some tables around the edges, and a few chairs.

Nikolai really isn’t in the mood to sit down for another serious conversation again. “He told you about Val?”

“My counterpart that’s married to Alia’s counterpart? Yes,�� Valentine agrees. “And that I apparently helped create this safe haven, and that I’m Alia’s right hand there, and her reasonability. And that I told you to leave.”

“It was a group decision, I think,” Nikolai says. “And we didn’t argue it. We broke the wards and let the Shadows in. We broke the rules of Havenhill.”

“Do you get to go back?” Valentine asks.

Seth laughs dryly.

“If we can figure out how,” Nikolai admits. “Why?”

Valentine stands with arms akimbo, hands resting on her hips and wrists bent with her elbows wide. She turns on her heels, looking out over the large room. As she exhales, tight shoulders lower and loosen, although her stance remains stiff. “Do you think you can carry anything back with you? I’d like to send you some research to give to the me of your world. They’re things I’d understand, and things I might not have thought of because we’re just different enough.”

“If we can carry it, maybe,” Seth says slowly. “Or if we read it, we might remember enough.”

Valentine makes a small displeased noise. “I think it’s going to be more than you’ll want to memorize. And you aren’t traditional Mages. You don’t know the Rituals and if you make mistakes when translating it through your memory, it might not go well when Val tries to use it. I’ll email Pawel. He can print it, and if you can carry it, fine. If not, well, I tried.”

“And what about here?” Seth asks.

Valentine turns back slowly, her weight resting on one heel as she turns. “What about here?”

“You’re going to work toward forging a relationship with Alia now, right?” Seth says firmly. “We may have pushed out the darkness created by the Shadows, but you still have a government out there that created them in the first place. You’re going to need each other.”

“What kind of relationship do you mean?” Valentine says curtly.

Seth raises his eyebrows. “The alliance kind. She’s married. I’m guessing you have a husband somewhere—”

“We divorced,” Valentine interrupts.

Seth makes a motion with his hand as if that isn’t important. “I’m not saying to get involved with her romantically. But befriend her. Forge that alliance between here and Burlington, the same one that Alaric already started.”

Valentine rocks backwards, turns away again as her hands slowly fall from her hips to hang by her sides. “We’ve started, too. I met with Theobald yesterday, and with Alaric, and we aren’t going to stay separate. We need each other, you’re right. The world needs to change, and I’m ready for that. From what I’ve heard of your world, it sounds like that change was pivotal to helping keep Talented people safe. We aren’t as endangered, but there are things here, as well. Like the virus that broke out in New Hampshire. Like the Shadows. Like the old histories between us that we could repeat again if we don’t watch out. So yes.” She turns back slowly. “We’ve made our alliance. This might not be your Havenhill, but we will work on creating a haven, both here and in Burlington, and possibly amongst the other communities as well. We are bringing our world together.”

Seth hesitates, his expression intent as if he’s trying to read her. He finally nods, and reaches back to tug Nikolai forward. “I think we’re all set, then. I’m glad things are in good hands here.”

Valentine doesn’t ask before stepping forward, her arms around both of them as she tugs them in. It feels awkward and strange, as she kisses first Seth’s cheek, then Nikolai’s. This Valentine is much more open—much less hardened—than their Val.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Valentine says. “Give her time to warm up to you. And to relax. I can imagine what she’s like.”

“You should see Alia,” Nikolai mutters.

Valentine laughs at that.

She keeps her arms around them as they move through the house and out to the front, where most of the cars are gone, but a few still linger. Pawel stands with Alia, his hand out and clasped in hers. She stands almost relaxed, her shoulders rested and loose as they speak quietly before Pawel finally draws back.

He looks up at waves as Nikolai and Seth emerge from the house. “I’d wondered if I was going to have to go find you. Mac’s already in the car. Ready to go?”

Pawel still looks like he’s half a ghost. His skin is pale, his eyes darkly rimmed in shadows. But there’s a life to his step that’s been missing, and Nikolai suspects that he’s slept more than anyone else. Which is good; he needed it.

Nikolai pauses by the car to take one last look at the big house. Alia stands on the step, as Valentine turns to go inside. It’s familiar, but not, and Nikolai hopes that the next time he sees something similar, he’ll be home.

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[flve-hargreeves]

( chris wood, 28, he/him ) class is in session for ANSEM WARBECK. their resume says they’re a WITCH and they’ve been teaching MENTAL MAGIC at the academy for THREE YEARS. the psychological report says they are LETHARGIC and CONTEMPTUOUS, but they’re also IRONWILLED and COMPASSIONATE. we wish them good luck in the new school year.  

— * | ansem warbeck is the oldest child of ragnor and celena warbeck. he has a twin brother named arson and while they are identical, they couldn’t be more different. both ragnor and celena are influential members of the magical community and always prided themselves on having a stellar reputation. stellar isn’t quite so stellar though; they are morally gray.  they  never get into dark magic themselves, but their family has profited heavily from it over the years.  ( think … war profiteers, i guess.  they never get their hands dirty but they have plenty of blood money ).  arson is the dutiful son, the good son, and ansem’s always been the disappointment who couldn’t live up to their expectations.  ( the michael bluth )

 ansem was never good at doing what he was told and rebelled against the behaviours his parents tried to ingrain in him. he never listened, always liked to do his own thing, and never bought into the whole ‘pureblood supremacy’ thing that they tried to drill into his head.  so what if they came from an old witch family? la creme de la crop? magic was magic. he figured if you could do it, you were just as good as anyone else.  ( his family disagreed. )  he  started  at  arcanas  when  he  was  eleven,  like  his  descendants  before  him,  and  was  a  member  of  house  aquis.  

       personality wise, ansem is sharp, sarcastic, and doesn’t have a high tolerance for people. the list of people he dislikes is longer than those he likes. he likes to have a good laugh ( sometimes at the expense of others ) and isn’t one to take on responsibility. ironic, given he’s now teaching at the school he used to go to. for someone as intelligent as he is, he does the least amount of work possible and does well but never really exceeds his own expectations. he’s incredibly lazy and can usually be found snacking or napping around the school.

 shortly after graduation he worked as a for hire curse breaker.  if there was a hex you couldn’t undo, or a curse on your family name, he was the guy you called to fix it.  he was good too.  it was only after a curse backfired and nearly killed him that he got scared and backed out of it. the fear was greater than the love he had.  arcanas was safe, a reminder of good days (and far far away from his family) so he was happy to ya yeet out of the real world.  less than a year after graduation, he was enrolled at a magical college and eventually became a mental magic teacher.

 another  point  of  irony,  given  how  much  he  claims  to  hate  people,  is  the  story  of  how  a  twenty/twenty one  year  old  mess  accidentally  adopted  an  eleven  year  old.   it  was  an  assignment  from  one  of  the  teachers  or  housemasters,  a  mentorship  program  between  tenth  and  first  years.  he  was  assigned  jade  brantley  and  at  first  ?  oh  boy  did  he  hate  her.   or  rather,  the  responsibility  he  felt  towards  her.   it  became  pretty  evident  the  more  he  got  to  know  her  that  they  were  put  together  for  a  reason.   her  family  had  sent  her  to  arcanas  without  so  much  as  a  second  look  and  couldn’t  have  cared  less  if  they  ever  saw  her  again.   she  stayed  behind  at  the  school  for  christmas,  as  did  he  to  avoid  tense  family  dinners  with  the  warbecks,  and  that  was  when  their  mentorship  started  to  become  more  like  family.   

by  the  end  of  the  year,  he  looked  at  her  like  —  his  kid,  if  he  was  being  honest.   it  was  kind  of  terrifying,  wanting  to  protect  another  person  from  the  realities  of  their  life,  but  he  knew  it  was  the  right  decision  to  make.  it  helped  that  his  partner  agreed;   they’d  come  to  care  about  jade  in  those  months  too,  and  they  both  knew  it  was  the  right  call.   he  contacted  her  parents,  assumed  temporary  guardianship,  and  she  moved  in  with  them  that  summer  after  they  graduated.   (  the individual that set all of this up,  the  cheeky  bastard,  sent  them  a  potted  plant  as  a  housewarming  gift.   a  plant  that  would  have  needed  to  have  been  potted  SIX  MONTHS  EARLIER.   he’d  be  mad  about  getting  played  if  he  wasn’t  so  happy.  )

they  formally  adopted  jade  a  few  years  later.  they  were  already  family  in  everything  but  blood  and  name  —  it  was  simply  a  formality.   the  three  of  them  —  four,  if  you  counted  jessica  the  cat  (  famously  known  for  stepping  on  faces  )  —  had  been  more  of  a  family  than  any  of  his  blood  relatives  had  ever  been.     he’s  never  regretted  his  choices.

that  being  said,  things  weren’t  always  happy.  he  and  his  partner  fought  a  lot,  sometimes  over  nothing  and  couldn’t  remember  why  they  ever  loved  each  other  in  the  first  place.  but  this  isn't  a  story  about  vindictive  exes,  it's  about  two  people  that  do  love  each  other,  probably  always  will,  but  just  didn't  love  being  together  anymore.  they're  excellent  co-parents  to  their  adopted  daughter  and  they're  working  their  way  back  to  being  best  friends  even  though  it's  a  little  awkward.  they  split  up  roughly  three  years  ago,  shortly  after  ansem  started  teaching  at  arcanas.

he  was  a  bit  of  a  mess  that  first  year,  i  won’t  lie.  he  probably  drank  too  much,  smoked  like  a  chimney,  and  was  trying  to  remember  how  to  be  a  person  instead  of  1/2  of  a  couple.  he’d  been  with  his  partner  almost  his  entire  life,  it  was  a  process  —  discovering  himself  again.  he  eventually  started  seeing  jude  montague  (  who,  ironically,  he’d  always  had  a  schoolboy  crush  on  when  he  was  a  student  )  who  also  taught  at  the  school.  one  thing  led  to  another  and  they’ve  recently  taken  things  to  the  next  level:  they  got  married.   ansem’s  still  a  little  terrified  this  one  is  going  to  go  belly  up  too,  that  he’s  going  to  mess  things  up,  but  they’re  still  in  the  newlywed  phase  so  he’s  not  quite  as  pessimistic  on  their  outlook.   it  also  helps  that  his  family  hates  jude:   1.  he’s  much  older,  even  without  the  whole  phoenix  thing,  2.  he’s  not  a  pureblood  witch  who  comes  from  a  good  family  name,  and  3.  he’s  a  man.   yeah,  celena  warbeck  was  not  happy  and  threatened  to  cut  him  off.   she  didn’t,  of  course,  but  his  father  hasn’t  spoken  a  single  word  to  him  ever  since  they  got  married.  it’s  a  game  now,  trying  to  see  if  he  can  say  or  do  something  to  make  him  break.  so  far,  he  hasn’t  won.  

 when  he’s  not  staying  at  arcanas,  watching  over  his  water  demons,  he’s  at  his  house  nearby.   now  that  he’s  married  jude,  however,  the  clan  (  bc  ansem  doesn’t  go  anywhere  without  jade,  jessica,  and  by  extension  kit  )  will  be  moving  into  his  definitely-haunted  house  nearby.  it’s  an  old  victorian,  fits  jude’s  goth  boy  aesthetic  perfectly,  and  tbh  as  long  as  it  has  decent  wifi  and  an  espresso  machine?  he’ll  be  fine.  

     he’s been teaching mental magic at arcanas academy for three years, so connections can be assumed with other staff members and students !!   he’s also been the housemaster for aquis, who he refers to as his water demons, so that’s opportunities for connections too! ( there’s also a 99% chance he calls all of his students by pokemon names. sorry not sorry. )   he’s  your  typical  panic  first,  think  logically  later,  type  person,  so  if  he  heard  about  the  orb  being  stolen  he’d  fear  for  their  inevitable  demise.   y’know,  chaotic  and  assuming  the  worst  case  scenario  from  the  get  go.

so that’s basically him in essence.  see some quick stats below for more tidbits.

*

— * | BASICS !

NAME: — ansem ragnorius warbeck.

NICKNAME(S): — ansem.

PRONOUNS: —he/him.

AGE/DOB: — twenty seven / july 25th.  (  he’s  almost  28,  so  don’t  @  me  )

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: — pansexual.

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: — panromantic.

ETHNICITY: — caucasian.

NATIONALITY: — british.

HOMETOWN: — manchester, uk.

EDUCATION: — he previously attended  arcanas, aquis house.  four  years  @  a  magical  college  near  aurora  /  arcanas  school. 

— * | PERSONALITY !

STAR SIGN: — leo.

PERSONALITY TYPE: — ESTP.

ALIGNMENT: — chaotic neutral.

PHOBIA(S): — enclosed spaces, clowns, snakes.

VICE(S): — cynicism, impatience, vindictiveness, spitefulness.

VIRTUE(S): — accountability, candor, realism, honesty, loyalty.

— * | RELATIONS !

PARENT(S): — ragnor and celena warbeck.

SIBLING(S): — arson warbeck ( twin brother. )

SIGNIFICANT OTHER(S): —  married.

— * | PHYSICAL !

FACECLAIM: — chris wood.

HEIGHT: — 6'0.

WEIGHT: — 71kg.

EYE COLOR: — brown.

HAIR COLOR: — brown.

GLASSES/CONTACTS: — n/a.

TATTOOS: — n/a.

PIERCINGS: — n/a.

SCARS: — jagged scar across his collarbone.

— * | MEDICAL !

ALLERGIES: — shellfish.

SMOKING/ALCOHOL/DRUGS: — former smoker. he hasn’t had a cigarette in approx. 112 days.  he drinks more than he should.  no drug use.

DIAGNOSES: — n/a.

BLOOD TYPE: — universal donor.

***

AESTHETICS:

NEATLY  TRIMMED  BEARD,  LAZY  SMIRKS,  SARCASTIC  QUIPS.  THE  MICHAEL  BLUTH.  REAL  LIFE  NATHAN  DRAKE.  BLEEDS  COFFEE  NOT  BLOOD.  UNHEALTHY  OBSESSION  WITH  TEEN MAGAZINE  QUIZZES.

CONNECTIONS  

students  with  an  aptitude  for  mental  magic  that  he  provides  additional  /  advanced  work  for  to  challenge  them.  (2/2)  dominic masters & rome hawks.

students  who  need  extra  help  in  one  or  more  of  the  aspects  of  his  curriculum.  this  would  include  after  hours  help,  extra  assignments,  or  one  on  one  attention  if  they  were  struggling  with  concepts  (1/4):  ella  bloom.

students  that  give  him  a  hard  time  in  class  for  one  reason  or  another.  could  be  people  who  sleep  in  class,  talk  back,  distract  others,  etc.  (1/??):  morgan  stife.

the  unholy  trinity:  fellow  teachers  who  like  to  get  together  and  be  chaotic,  shittalk  their  students,  and  forget  they’re  not  seventeen  anymore  bc  they’re  fucking  idiots  who  like  to  troll  (2/2):  maximus & reserved

fellow  teachers  who  like  to  get  together  and  drink  wine  after  stressful  days,  or  just  when  they  feel  like  it  tbh.  (1/????)  maxwell gray.

a  rival/enemy  from  when  he  was  @  arcanas  who  now  also  works  at  arcanas.  he  can’t  remember  why  they  don’t  like  each  other  but  he’s  dedicated  to  the  feud.  it’s  petty,  he  knows, but  he  sucks  at  admitting  he’s  wrong.  (0/1)

ex-wife.  see  wanted  connections.  (0/1)

childhood  friend.  fellow  witches  who  would  have  hung  around  people  who  were  haughty  and  thought  they  were  better  than  everyone  else.  ansem’s  parents  thought  they  were  hot  shit  so  maybe  their  parents  felt  the  same.  they  both  rebelled  against  what  their  parents  wanted  for  them  and  it  bonded  them.  (0/1)

partner  in  crime.  (28  years  old)  this  person  was  very  different  from  ansem.  different  species,  a  little  more  serious,  the  kind  of  person  you  wouldn’t  expect  to  be  friends  with  him.  they’re  probably  the  only  reason  ansem  even  passed  his  exams,  forced  to  study,  and  he  forced  this  friend  to  actually  have  fun  and  live  a  little.  they’re  still  close  but  maybe  fell  out  of  touch  over  the  years.  this  person  would  be  new  to  arcanas  as  a  staff  member,  or  teacher,  but  would  be  an  alumnus  preferably  from  house  aquis  but  could  be  any.  

others  to  be  added  when  it  isn’t  2am  and  my  brains  fried.

[wanlidas-archive]

“i do [want to talk].  i wanna talk about your mom,  and that game,  and me needing to meet my sponsor this morning because that’s how badly i needed a drink.  i wanna talk about all the stuff we normally talk about before we messed things up with the kiss.  i mean,  hooking up made things weird between us and i hate that.  you’re my best friend,  and i realize now that i need that more than i need a boyfriend.  i just don’t wanna risk losing you.”

asher isn’t the reason that olivia wanted a drink.  being with asher is not a trigger for olivia in the way that jordan warned her it might be  (  although he wasn’t in the wrong for considering it.  )   being in a relationship,  at all,  is a reminder that she’s just not fully in the position to be like that with someone.  her feelings for asher are still real,  she still wants to be with him at some point,  but the timing isn’t right for her as she’s still recovering and dealing with everything that’s happening around her.

right now,  asher is the one consistent thing in her life.  he’s the only person aside from her family  (  and that includes spencer  )  that has continued to support her,  be by her side,  consistently + repeatedly remind her that she isn’t alone and that she has him.  he’s her best friend,  someone that she sees as sort of a reflection of herself in the way that he recovered from his own problems and found a way to make such big leaps forward.  she’s proud of him,  and when she helps him with his feelings and his fears and his worries,  she feels stronger herself.

asher hasn’t always been that person for her,  but he is right now and what they’ve built is lasting.  this is so important that he’s here for her in this way now,  in a time where the girl she thought was her best friend has actively put her into situations that she knew would make her uncomfortable,  purposefully trying to hurt her.  because while olivia knows layla is going through something tough right now,  and she so badly wants to help her,  it doesn’t excuse the lines that layla has crossed here  (  something olivia usually tries to push aside  )   —-  especially considering how deeply rooted their problems already were.  layla repeatedly belittled olivia for her addiction and there’s just no way for olivia to keep feeling safe around layla,  which is obviously hard because olivia still desperately wants to help her,  but layla’s attempts to hurt olivia worked.  olivia is very perceptive;  she understands why people do the things they do,  even when they’re hurting others.  part of her knows that layla was just acting out to comfort herself and that it wasn’t really about olivia ——  but there were lines crossed,  and when it brings in olivia’s addiction,  it’s worse.  because she didn’t just make fun of her addiction;  she threw a party in an environment that olivia has been very vocal about not wanting to be in,  and forced her to be there,  and this goes back way farther than the current fight they’re having.  there are problems they’ve had with each other that were never resolved.  there’s a reason that olivia tried to take a break from their friendship,  because she felt like it was too one-sided  (  which is hard for her to admit,  because she loves layla so much and she knows what she did herself was the worst thing a friend could do and would never try to disregard that  )  but she tried to take a stand for herself,  and instead of sticking to it,  she ran back to help her and silenced herself yet again.  her friendship with layla has been complicated for a long time,  but she’s finally seeing that her relationship with her is not just a toxic one,  but a dangerous one for olivia to be in,  considering the positions she was put in.

olivia doesn’t feel safe with layla  (  and also,  wants her to have her space in hopes that she will get her own recovery too  ),  her brother is trying to understand how to balance his life now that it’s all changed and trying to figure out how to be a father and give simone a support system,  her parents are still fighting,  spencer is trying to figure out why his father left.  right now,  asher is olivia’s one safe place.  because while he’s going through his own things too,  he’s the one person who is actively thinking of her and her needs  ——  not to the fault of the others,  because they’re clearly going through their own problems and she 100% understands them not always considering her  (  because she understands that they don’t see addiction as a 24/7 thing  )  ——  but asher is going out of his way to do so,   doing things like ensuring she has a way of contacting her sponsor despite not being on edge.  and it’s that kind of thought process that she’s been hoping the other people in her life could adapt.   with asher,  nothing scares her more than losing that safe place that she has with him.   asher makes her feel like she’s allowed to think about herself,  she’s allowed to be hurting.  because olivia rarely gives herself that chance;  she hates burdening others with her problems,  but asher makes her feel safe enough to do it.  like i said,  it’s not that others don’t give her that,  because laura, jordan, and spencer have all provided her with that too,  but it’s a constant with asher,  especially lately.  

while her feelings for asher are very much real,  and still something she’s processing,  and she wants to believe that this is the right time for them,  it’s not.  it doesn’t mean there’s no hope for them,  and i think they both know that too,  but she’s no in the place for a boyfriend.  she wasn’t ready for a boyfriend and didn’t want to focus on dating when she started dating chris,  either  ——  but she wanted to believe she was in a good place,  and he was new to her and she couldn’t help what she felt for him.  if layla hadn’t given asher and olivia a reason to force themselves to talk about their feelings,  they probably wouldn’t have for a long time later.  and olivia would have been okay with that,  because she’s still processing her feelings for him and still trying to understand what that means for her,  but because it was all brought up,  she had to tell herself it was okay and thought she had to convince herself she was ready for it.  and now it’s not,  and she doesn’t want to end that because she doesn’t want to lose what they have  /   lose hope for their future,  but it’s not the right time for her.

chris was her first real boyfriend,  her first time feeling some sort of stability with a significant other,  so that’s something she’s still learning too.  but the transition from a best friend to a boyfriend is something that is way different entirely,  and she definitely didn’t know how to do that with asher.  olivia is the kind of person that buries herself in other people’s problems not just to distract herself from her own pain,  but as a way to cope with it  (  to counteract it and feel like she is doing something better than what she could be doing instead,  and she’s really good at that.  )  her relationships with chris and asher are different in that with chris,  she was still getting to know him,  and they didn’t see each other all the time.  her time spent with him still had that newness to it in that they didn’t have to spend all their time making out,  etc.  when she transitioned from being a friend with asher to being a girlfriend,  she didn’t know how that worked ——  because they see each other all the time,  and they talk all the time.  but now they have to figure out how to balance what they were as friends with all of this new stuff  ——  and olivia isn’t quite ready to jump into that.  that’s why she has problems focusing on just kissing asher;  she wants to talk.  she is used to constantly showing him how much she cares for him,  and she NEEDS to be able to do that,  and she does that best with her words.  asher said something about being compared to spencer,  and that’s something olivia knew that bothers him,  and that’s why she instantly wanted to talk about that,  because she’s used to comforting him in that way,  not by being physical.  in a way,  they were putting pressure on themselves to act a certain way as boyfriend / girlfriend,  and they didn’t need to - they need to take things very slowly and find what works for them,  not just what they think is supposed to be for them.

to say that asher was a trigger for her is to invalidate what she’s been saying all along:  that she has to make an active choice to stay sober every single day.  asher is the one person who is making her feel seen right now,  and invisibility is what led her to addiction in the first place.  her addiction is something that has been thrown in her face a lot lately,  so it’s even more present on her mind,  more than it already always is.  jordan was still right in some way,  being with asher is scary because it could be a reminder of the last time they were together,  when olivia was at the worst place in her life,  but she doesn’t associate the relationship she has with him now with what they had together that night.  their hook up is and always will be a mistake that wasn’t based on romantic feelings.  right now,  she does have romantic feelings for him  ——  she’s just not in the best place mentally to be acting on them,  because more than anything,  she needs him as her best friend,  and she needs to be able to hep him as his best friend.  the possibility of romance is still there,  but she wasn’t ready for a relationship with chris and she’s not ready for one with asher right now yet either,  especially with everyone in her life struggling the way they are right now.  she just wants to be around to help people the way that best helps herself cope,  and she wants to be able to lean on asher without any added pressure of what is expected of her as a girlfriend.  she needs friendship right now.  she doesn’t have that outside of her family and asher.   it’s too scary thinking of getting into  a relationship with asher and putting herself in a position to get hurt if it doesn’t work out,  so it’s easier for her to stop it right now,  slow down,  be his friend,  and then slowly work their way back up to being more than that when the time does come.

[chronocidalrage]

Family

I think I take it for granted how much I’ve changed. That probably really is confusing for my family, to their credit.

I’m the challenging one. I think I’m upset with my mom because she hasn’t grown with me. She’s still thirty-year-old Alex’s mom.

Mom really wants to leave us money because it’s how she gives us “love” after she’s gone. It’s her way of feeling like she provides beyond her time here. I guess I get it. Stability and financial support is probably what she wanted most when she was young.

I think I was happiest with my family. When we were all together. So many of my memories are just of being together. I was happy when I obliviously enjoyed my family. But whenever I’d see the cracks I’d feel like they’re complete strangers.

I think she was a better mom for when I was young. As I got older, she had more and more trouble figuring out how to parent me.

I think I really was happy with my family. And being at school and stuff was annoying because I was away from my family (and was made fun of at school). I was unhappy when I wasn’t with my family. Then they all kinda changed and stopped being the reliable safe space they always were and I lost my shit.

I really loved my family. I felt so good when I was with them.

Tonight I can kinda feel like I know Atom is gone. Insane.

OCTOBER 2ND I’m fucking sick. Not Covid. It sucks though. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow.

OTHER PEOPLE We forget that other people are just other versions of us. Copies of the same thing with most of the same emotions.

SCOTT I just thought of my brother Scott and felt how much I love him. How much I’ve always looked up to him. How impressed I’ve always been by him.

I can’t believe we have Ruby. She used to be something that felt so over my head and now she’s such an integral part of my life that I can’t picture life without her. Good things can be real, and they can be worth so many bad things.

TWITTER May be my overall largest source of emotional connection. Uh oh. That’s not good in general, but especially not in reference to recent news. Fuck you Elon.

MOVIES I really would love to make a movie, it just that it sounds so fucking challenging.

DEATH Should I write my own SUGGESTED obituary? Why not? 

Alex, husband of the Dorchester-born super-babe Susie Donahue (whom he loved so much he could never seem to believe she actually chose him), brother of Scott Harris (whom Alex hopes got as much out of being brothers as he did), uncle to his nephews Xavier and Maxim (whom Alex hopes he made a positive impact on the lives of), best friend to Tim and Matt, both of whom made a lot of hard times worth fighting through. Alex loved movies, comics and music, and odds are, he made way less of of those things during his lifetime than he wishes. Wherever he is now, he hopes it’s the same place his brother Atom and his dog Ruby went to.

STILL SICK I started feeling sick Tuesday night. Now it’s Friday night and I feel mostly okay, so it was two bad days for the most part. Susie is finally sick now, after me trying to avoid her for a few days. I’m hoping it’s quick for her.

I managed to make a connection on Twitter who gave me the chance to see a hard-to-see movie and I got to see watch it on my 41st birthday (11/5/22). It was cool and it felt weirdly perfect. Even though I was still sick and other shit sucked.

LATE NIGHT RAMBLINGS Crazy to think I’ve been friends with Liz Whelan and Chris Olivo for ten years. I keep thinking of them as Susie’s friends.

I’m always looking for the next “big moment” so I can often miss the big moments in front of me. Whoops.

Maybe the gift of the connection I had with Atom will allow me to love myself like he loved me? Maybe I could somehow feel that? That would be amazing if I could. Fingers crossed.

It’s crazy to think all those memories I have of Atom, they were all the same person (the Atom I had bunk beds with, the Atom I had an apartment with, the Atom I saw that last time when we bumped into each other at the house). I should just be grateful we were on this planet at the same time for 40 years. What a gift, honestly.

He deserved to have someone heartbroken about him potentially dying. I’m glad I gave him that at least.

The desire to create is the belief that the things that would make you happy don’t exist yet. Oops.

I don’t want to find new things to enjoy, why can’t I use the ones I already have? Like, why should I find more friends or create new family members? Just let me enjoy the ones I already put the effort into.

For me, I think happiness is NOT feeling that longing I feel effectively every single second of every day. 

Am I kind of upset about my mom not being in that house anymore? Is that part of why this all upsets me so much and why I feel weird about blocking off the door?

I’m overprotective of Susie and Ruby and our little apartment because I think this is all I really have.

The Interpol song “Evil” makes me think of going to shows with Susie. I should tell people what they mean to me while I can.

I really am having trouble enjoying the now, plus, I keep doubting my future, and the combo of the two makes me not like who I am currently. My displeasure with my reality makes me upset with myself so I give up on trying many days.

I keep trying to recreate good things I had instead of finding new ones.

I think to me, love is people choosing me. I rarely felt chosen.

I feel weird tonight. I miss my childhood, and I’m grateful for Susie and Ruby, but I want more. I want more happiness and more good moments and I’m terrified to open myself up to them. But I want them. I want to stay in the theater, watching Jack Slater and trying to find the golden ticket, but I need to move on.

Because that’s the other point of the movie, you need both to have the magic. Movies make your life more magical because (like any good art) they help you put your life in context, and your belief in them makes movies magical. It’s the combination of the two.

So I guess just focus on the real magic. Making magic yourself instead of just enjoying it. Making magic is harder, but more effective.

Live. Do things you wanna do. Make things. Love people. See places. Enjoy your body. Live. Get more tattoos.

I miss my family. Everything felt so good and secure when I was young. I miss that. And it kinda fell apart but I made it even better in some ways during my late twenties and early thirties, and then I just lost it more and more ever since. And I’m always sad about that. And I’m always too scared to open myself up to new things.

GOOD VS EVIL There’s always a generational interpretation of good vs. evil. Cowboys vs Native Americans. Until that seemed wrong. Then Cops and Robbers, but it was over prohibition and it highlighted how silly bureaucracy can be. Then Action Cops and Action Robbers, until the concept of cops as good guys and criminals as bad guys seemed inaccurate and naïve. Now it’s superheroes, because we’re way more likely to trust heroes that work outside of the established power structures. Even Action Cops typically went against authority.

[hillyans]

Characters: Pey’j

This post will be updated when new information comes out.

Species: Hybrid (pig/human)

Born: 2385 (age ?? in BGE2, age 50 in BGE1)

Gender: Male

Shares DNA with: Unnamed Pey’j clone, Player Character

Occupation: chief cook of the Gada in BGE2, handyman, inventor, and chief of the IRIS Network on Hillys in BGE1

Relationships: Jade (unknown in BGE2, adoptive niece in BGE1) Dakini (captain) Knox (fellow crew member) Shani (fellow crew member) Callum (fellow crew member) Uma (fellow crew member) Geneva (aunt; unseen character)

Status: Alive

In BGE2

Chief Cook and a familiar face to most of you Space Monkeys who know and love Pey’j from the original Beyond Good and Evil! In this prequel, he’s still the beloved-uncle type who believes in tough love and has a penchant for a certain Old-Earth alcohol, which is the not-so-secret ingredient in the dishes he cooks up for the crew.                         - Official Site, 9/27/18

BGE2 Development:

6/12/17 E3 2017 Trailer Breakdown:

Chris: Now, I know I'm not the only one who looked at this and heard:

[Zhou Yuzhu: "Peyjin."]

Chris: What he said just there, and thought of our beloved Uncle Pey'j from BGE.

Michel: Right! There is a direct connection, you know, so he's very clearly saying "Peyjin" which is kind of a divinity for this kind of hybrid. It's a way to add depth and to show how deep the world can be. And even though those hybrids are created by humans, they have their own religion. Because BGE2 is a prequel to BGE1, we want to add a lot of details about how the world is, those names, "Pey'j"... is it a common name, a divinity name, so... Sometimes you know, in some religions, you give the name of a divinity to a boy or a girl... So all these details are here to make people understand more about the world of BGE.

2/28/18 Instagram: Michel Ancel posts a picture of a bust that looks suspiciously a lot like Pey’j.

6/8/18 Instagram: Ancel teases artwork from E3 2018. “A good friend of mine is back in Beyond Good and Evil 2 . Get prepared for more surprises during the 2018 UbiSoft E3 conference !!!”

6/11/18 E3 2018: Pey’j is shown in the trailer. “And Pey'j is back as the the incorrigible Chief Cook of the Gada.”

6/11/18 E3 2018 Trailer Breakdown (video):

I think last year people sort of thought when they saw Zhou Yuzhu, the big hybrid from the criminal underworld, that perhaps that was Pey'j. So it's pretty cool this year that it actually is Pey'j. We were super excited about being able to reveal the fact that he's going to be in BGE2.

...

Pey'j, as you can see in this image, is carrying Knox, who was wounded. You can see how close these guys are. They've probably been flying in space for a very long time in this crew and they know each other very well and they're always helping each other.

6/11/18 Instagram: Ancel says that even though Jade has forgotten her past, Pey’j remembers. 

9/28/2019 Inside Look of Beyond Good and Evil 2 with Ubisoft Montpellier - 2019 ZBRush Summit:

"So let's start with Pey'j. Pey'j is probably one of the most iconic characters in BGE. Originally, he is the best friend of Jade, who is the main character of this game, so you can imagine the importance of him. Our goal was to bring a new vision of him without destroying the old one. So how did we do that? First step: we start with some 2D artwork, just to figure out which emotion we want to give him, what narrative part that he will have, and at this stage, everything is possible. The only question which is important is "what makes Pey'j's identity?

Secondly, Pey'j has got a very long history. And I don't know if you've noticed, but in the original BGE which was more cartoony, Pey'j was based on a really round, primitave shape. And, well, it makes him much more easy to recognize. So while we decide to keep this philosophy, but we decide to pass from a round shape to a more hexagonal shape just to bring a more mature and tough feeling. So that's why I use a weight on the screen as a symbol of what emotion we want to give to Pey'j. This shape process I think is a very simple way to communicate with the character artist. That's all the process is based on. Collaboration between the concept artist and the character artist, we need those kinds of tools to speak together."

...

“We start with the most complicated part of this character, it's the head. So Sebastien gives me concept art of his head and asked: "try to match it". Okay, so I have made a rough, and as you can see, ugly model of Pey'j after some couple of hours. And then, Sebastien provided me with comprehensive feedback of the character he wants. At the beginning of the process, all the feedback is "macro feedback". And I make my ping-pong with him, and after that other feedback, going more in detail in the character. And that was done."

Pey’j in BGE1

Media

Profile (official website):

Age: 50

Occupation: Handyman

Personality: Grumpy, yet attentive and endearing, Pey’j is a fighter who’s seen and done it all. He’s often seen hanging out in the Akuda Bar with a stiff drink and a cigar, telling jokes and old stories of his life experiences.

Special Skills: A mechanical and electronic genius, Pey’j is renowned for his skills as a handyman and his ability to fix anything he gets his hands on. He keeps Jade’s equipment up and running, and is constantly inventing new gadgets and machines for Jade Reporting - or just for the fun of it...

Background: Pey’j is a hybrid being - half-man and half-hog. He’s Jade’s adoptive uncle and has brought her up since she was a child. Despite his reservations and fears, he’s been a great influence and tutor for Jade, and still tries to protect her and help her out with her missions whenever he can.

Current Residence: Pey’j lives on the small island in Hyllis with Jade in a cozy lighthouse that he built from scratch many years ago.

Vehicle: Pey’j doesn’t like to drive – Jade’s usually behind the wheel. He does take care of all the vehicles mechanically, though, and he has a special place in his heart for his famed Beluga Spaceship.

Prized Possession: His Jet Boots – a one-of-a-kind invention that allows Pey’j to blast himself or other objects high into the air.

What He’s Doing Now: Pey’j spends a lot of time with Jade - in fact, you will usually find him right by her side on her reporting missions. Otherwise, Pey’j spends most of his time in his workshop, although no one is really sure what he does down there!

Official Guide (Bradygames):

Characters: Meet Jade’s adoptive uncle and cantankerous right-hand pig. Pey’j is a mechanic and inventor-- indeed, a couple of his inventions play a large role in this adventure. Use his Super Action Jet Boots stomp to bounce certain opponents into the air so Jade can bat them into distant targets. His dogged (or perhaps we should say pigged) loyalty keeps him at Jade’s side despite his reservations about the evolving adventure.

Live Chat Interview with Michel Ancel 10/21/2003: 

Question 6: (BircGuest-24085213): Hello - How much of a part will Jade's friend 'Pey’J' play in the game?

(Michel): Pey’J is very important in the story and for the gameplay. You'll spend about one third of the game with him but , for the other part, he will still have a very important role (but I can t say too much.... )

...

Question 12: (dreamdancer5): why is Pey’J styled like a pig? and not like a man or anything else?

(Michel): please, instead of snipe, read style in the "having their own...." sentence....I m sooooo tired.....need some holidays :).... (Michel): I like the spirit of self derision. Pey’J is very important; he's got a strong personality but looks like a beast. I believe that most of us have more inside that outside our appearance. If you finish the game, you’ll see what I mean.

Early Storyboard: (unused and revised in final game)

Age: 56

Race: Hybrid clone          Sn-b5234

Name: Pey’j

In-game Dialogue & Cutscenes (SPOILERS)

“For Jade” Mdisk:

Jade, You inherited generosity and courage from your parents. You know, I think about them a lot. We were very close friends.

Twenty years ago we were forced to separate because we were all having some major problems with the authorities. Your parents put you under my care… to save your life…

We came to Hillys. Back then, it was a peaceful planet. I had hoped to raise you there safely. But the conflict spread. Now, you must know something… if I was able to get here, it was thanks to the "Beluga”, the spaceship that I designed and built with your father.

It still exists. But I haven’t exactly finished getting it back in top shape. You’ll find the check-up report on my desk.

The “Beluga” is at our place. You have to enter a code into each one of the consoles to open the secret hiding place. I can’t say any more on this Mdisk about it, but I hope this information will be useful to you, if, one day, you have to use the “Beluga”.

No matter what happens, good luck, Jade…

Uncle Pey'j

DomZ Priest (cutscene):

DOMZ PRIEST: Shauuuuuuuuniiiiii. You have finally come back to me… You have served your master well, Shauni. You alone have brought the Hillyans to me. They have followed you blindly.

HH: Miss Jade ?!

DOMZ PRIEST: DorthKaul  Pahkahn! You are not who you think you are. The pig has hidden your origins from you…

PEY'J: Jade!  NO!!  Don’t listen to him! Hhh!… Aaaarrh!…

DOMZ PRIEST: You are the source of my powers the instrument of my strength. They took you away in the hope of destroying me. But I have survived, feeding me with only the most miserable of sacrifices. They made you human. But you are not like them. You are mine, Shauni, and I am going to kill the human part of you.

HH: Jade!!

DOMZ PRIEST: Shauni DomZ ThindraaaHHH!!

[thecomicsnexus]

Deadly Genesis!

Giant-Size X-Men #1. May, 1975. By Len Wein, Dave Cockrum and Peter Iro. And Chris Claremont, apparently.

Chapter 1: "Second Genesis!" In the city of Winzeldorf, Germany, the normally quiet town erupts in the clamor of an angry mob. They are in search of the "monster", Kurt Wagner. They storm the village and try to capture Kurt. They even begin to burn the village to try and bring him out. Rather than have the city burn, Kurt leaps into the crowd and they overtake him. Suddenly, a voice commands them to "Stop!", and the crowd does. Kurt is greeted by Charles Xavier, who then offers Kurt a place at his school for mutants. Kurt Wagner agrees as long as he is made whole again.

Later, in Quebec, Canada, another mutant enters a secret government agency. The mutant is none other than agent, "Weapon X", better known as Wolverine. Charles Xavier meets with him and Major Chasen. After speaking of Wolverine's past run in with the Hulk, Charles then offers Wolverine a chance as a free agent and to no longer be tied down to the rules of the government. Major Chasen tries to object, but Wolverine slices off his ties and immediately resigns from his duties. He then walks out with Charles.

Afterword, Professor X meets with the Banshee in the Grand Ole Opry. He says he has to talk to Banshee and they talk later in his quarters. The Banshee announces that he is going to accept his offer since he is needing to get on the straight and narrow. Then, in Kenya, villagers cry out to the storm goddess, Ororo for rain. She appears and gives them what they wish. During the downpour, Charles Xavier arrives and announces an offer he hopes she will not refuse. After listening to his request, she accepts. In Osaka, Japan, he is also given an acceptance by Sunfire.

Yet in Siberia, Peter Rasputin is harvesting his crop, when suddenly a fellow farmhand notices a neighbor's tractor heading straight toward Peter's sister, who is playing in the field unaware of the collision. Peter runs towards her and transforms into a metal being and snatches his sister up. Then the tractor hits him and explodes in the impact with his metallic body. Charles Xavier arrives and offers him to come to America to his school. Peter asks his parents and then accepts Xavier's offer. In Arizona, an Apache Indian is seen chasing a bison on the plain. He tackles the beast and suddenly is met by none other than Xavier who offers the man acceptance into his school. The man refuses the help of a white man since he has caused his people grief. Professor X tells him that maybe it is true what people say about the Apache's being selfish. This infuriates the man and he accepts Xavier's offer to prove those people wrong.

Chapter 2: "...And When There Was One!" The group of mutants meet in the school and have been given new costumes designed by Reed Richards. They question Xavier on his reasons for bringing them all together like this. Xavier says he is waiting for the man who can explain it better to them. Then Scott Summers opens the door and enters the room. Cyclops announces that the X-Men have disappeared and the seven new mutants are needed to help find them.

He explains that Cerebro was used to find the seven new members as well as it was used by the missing mutants as well. He goes on to tell them that they had received a signal on Cerebro of an extremely powerful mutant on Krakoa. The X-Men, as well as Havok and Lorna Dane headed off to find this mutant. Suddenly there is a flash and Cyclops found himself battered and his visor missing. His eyes were somehow back to normal and he escaped his attacker and headed home to Professor X. When he arrives his powers suddenly returned and he destroyed part of the school. Professor X helped modify a new visor for him.

Cyclops then asks for their help in finding the rest of the mutants. Sunfire refuses and Cyclops says he's sorry for Sunfire, but the rest of the guys must leave. They all fly out in the X-Men Stratojet. Storm says she disapproves of Cyclops' handling of Sunfire and Thunderbird reminds her that they all have personal reasons for being there and they need to just get the job done. While in midair, the group notices Sunfire flying outside the jet. He tells Cyclops he is going to join the group.

Chapter 3: "Assault Force!" The team arrives at the island and while flying in, Cyclops reads off the attack force teams as well as gives the group their codenames. Storm and Colossus will come in from the north. Banshee and Wolverine from the east. Sunfire and Nightcrawler will come in from the south. Lastly, Thunderbird and Cyclops will take the west.

The teams are dropped at their points and Cyclops and Thunderbird land the stratojet. They begin their search and are not on the island for very long when suddenly the stratojet is "gone!" They then realize a temple has appeared from nowhere and head toward it for answers. They are attacked by creeper vines and take care of them quickly and arrive at the temple.

Meanwhile, Wolverine and Banshee are attacked by giant crabs. They quickly take care of them and go looking for a strange temple they saw before the battle with the crabs. On the northern end of the island, Colossus and Storm notice the same temple and being their trek toward it. There is a sudden avalanche and they run for cover. The rocks follow them and Colossus hits them with a tree, using it like a baseball bat. They meet with Cyclops and the others who have arrived at the temple. Finally, Nightcrawler and Sunfire battle a group of angry birds. Nightcrawler teleports around the attacking birds while Sunfire just blasts them. They clear a path and head to the temple and meet the rest of the team.

The team enters the temple and behind a tightly-sealed door that is soon destroyed, they find -- the missing X-Men! The island vines appear to be feeding off the captured mutants. The group soon helps free their teammates. Everyone helps and gets the members safely outside. Then, Angel speaks up admonishing Cyclops for being a fool. He explains that the situation is a trap and the attacker allowed Cyclops to escape to bring more people back in the search for the remaining captors. Cyclops played right into the trap. The ground shakes and th temple is raised out of the ground while the entire island moves. The Angel realizes that they had come to find a mutant, but that mutant is the island itself!

Chapter 4: "Krakoa...the Island That Walks Like a Man!" The mutants are suddenly flooded with images of the islands origin. There were atomic tests around the island and the radiation caused mutations on the island. It soon mutated enough to become a linked group-being. It needed to feed and it found the X-Men an excellent source. It fed on them, but then became hungrier and allowed Cyclops to escape to bring back more mutants, which he did.

The island then speaks and tells them that it planned the whole trap and even used Professor X. It then says it is done explaining and begins to fire beams at the team. They split and some scatter and others fight back. All that they attack with does not seem to affect the island. Then Professor X intervenes and tells Cyclops he thinks he knows a sole weakness of the island and explains it to Cyclops.

Professor X attacks the island with his mind to distract it's community-intellect. Storm flies into the sky and shoots electricity down into Lorna Dane and reactivates her magnetic mutant powers. Havok is outraged by Cyclops' lack of safety for Lorna. Cyclops tells his brother that he cannot risk the life of one woman, even the woman Alex loves, for the safety of the world. Professor X's assault begins to fail and Krakoa regains it's strength from the rain Storm has provided.

Then Scott and Alex use their powers to combine with Lorna's and she directs her powers downward. The magnetic power heads to the center of the Earth and then Krakoa yells out in terror. Iceman helps save Lorna and the rest of the gang heads to safety in the stratojet. The island is breaking up too quickly and the group has to quickly jump on Iceman's ice-raft. Then, it is seen what is happening, Lorna's powers disrupted the magnetic energies around the Earth at the island's location. This caused gravity to "cease" to exist at that location. The island suddenly is flung out into space and the vacuum of its location is replaced by a swirling whirlpool.

Iceman covers his raft in an ice-bubble and the group goes into the whirlpool. After being banged around a bit underwater, the ice-bubble breaks the surface and the team emerges. They find that their stratojet also is floating since it is airtight and they all board the ship and fly off. As they are flying back to America, Angel asks the group what they will do as thirteen X-Men.

From Marvel Wikia

Just like New Teen Titans was exactly what the Titans needed all along, the diversity brought by Giant-Size X-Men was the plot generator the title needed. Of course, this means the members of this team are fighting amongst themselves most of the time. But because most of this characters will be gone in a year, I think it was to be expected.

The story itself is a bit too much, but it is a good starting point for this team.

I have to commend Wein on introducing so many characters (plus characters he already introduced), and Cockrum with the costume designs. Chris Claremont helped on this issue as well, as the legend says.

I give the issue a score of 8.50

[blumenwrites]

Day Four: Grace (Free Day)

a03

So I didn’t have anything prepared for today so I decided to upload a snippet from a fic I’ve been working on instead so hope y’all enjoy

Contains: escort! Yuuri, retired! Viktor,and awkward first dates, and divergent canon *****warnings for references to anxiety and depression******

The smell of the city washed over Viktor, even the rubbish and dampness being a refreshing change from his unwashed laundry. Car alarms blared and the rush of passing buses made the long fabric of his coat flare like the plastic bags sailing across the grey streets. He should have taken Makkachin with him; he was far behind on his walkies after all. It might also be nice as an ice breaker but if he went to get Makka now he'd be late (even then, most places had a no dog policy.

It didn't take too long to reach the restaurant, thankfully. Viktor, despite the aching in his legs, walked briskly, whether out of nerves or a strong desire to get this over with he didn't know. But he made it with five minutes to spare. He searched the space of the restaurant, feeling rather like a new kid at school looking for a safe table to sit at. What if he doesn't show up because he's knows how socially inept I've become? Viktor's brain unhelpfully interrupted but before he could follow that train of thought a man waved him over. From far away he was fairly nondescript but as Viktor walked closer, chest inexplicably tight, more details became apparent. He was slightly above medium height, dressed fairly plainly but nicely with a well-fitting dress shirt and straight, black trousers. He had a kind face with soft lines and contours, the kind that belongs in children's books, warm and welcoming. His eyes were inviting, a deep brown that reminded Viktor of chocolate cake scoffed down during childhood whilst his mums weren't looking. He had a soft, rounded figure and the warm smile he gave Viktor indicated he probably gave good hugs. The man had a understated type of beauty, not immediately obvious but present in the way the restaurant lights illuminated his eyes to a warm, melting honey hue and the natural rosiness of his cheeks the colour of rose tea. Were Viktor younger, he'd swish his fringe and flirt, probably say something silly that would earn him a flustered giggle. But Viktor wasn't young any more and he had about as much charm as a dead fish in his current mental state. He forced a smile and met the other man's gaze head on.

“Hi, I'm Yuuri,” he greeted with a disarming smile. How did this man go anywhere without people falling over him?

“I'm Viktor but I suppose Chris already told you that,” Viktor replied and immediately winced at how miserable he sounded. Man of the Year two years in a row and three official Playboy titles. Amazing.

“He did but still, good to know,” he smiled with such a natural charm that Viktor was almost jealous. He had to endure training by special publicity agents and a disgruntled Yakov before he properly learned how to construe his face into the right expression for the public. “...Are you going to take a seat?”

“Yes, yes, sorry, sitting down,” Viktor mumbled, sitting down and placing his hands stiffly in his lap. Be sociable.

Yuuri was wholesome. They had exchanged five entire lines of dialogue but Viktor could already tell. The pockets of his jeans revealed he carried tissues and even when he wasn't smiling his eyes sparkled. He shouldn't be bothering Yuuri with his presence; he refused to drag Yuuri down with him. Just smile and nod.

“So, do you have a job?” Yuuri asked.

“I work as a translator,” the lie poured out as smooth as butter. “It's mostly news articles into Russian.”

“Oh, cool. I take it you were born there then?”

“Yeah,” Viktor's heart clenched at the thought of home. He rang his mothers fortnightly but it felt like a decade since he had any meaningful interaction with them. “I moved here permanently two years ago.”

The waiter came over and asked for their drink orders which they quickly relayed. Yuuri chose a light drink whilst Viktor just went with whatever had the highest percentage of alcohol. Their drinks were promptly delivered along with their menus. Viktor restrained himself and forced himself not to just knock it down, taking timid sips. It helped ease his nerves and had him better prepared for their following conversation.

“What were we talking about? Oh yeah, immigrating. Yeah, I've only been here for a year myself,” Yuuri admitted, looking sheepish. “But I spent college in America so I didn't worry about having to learn English.”

“What did you major in?”

“Psychology, specialising in relationships and family. It's been surprisingly useful, though not in the way I think my professors intended.”

Viktor quirked an eyebrow.

“How so?”

“Ah, it's rude to talk about my other patrons when I'm supposed to be talking about you.��

The waiter interrupted them asking if they were ready to order. They quickly relayed their choices, both ignoring the starters and ordering their main dishes.

“I don't mind. As long as you're comfortable talking about it?”

“No, I'm fine with it. Quite a lot of my customers are quite lonely and I've become somewhat of a therapist.”

Viktor frowned. The few times he had to be a shoulder to cry on at best he had felt uncomfortable and at worst he had felt his intestines twist with crushing responsibility and being utterly useless.

“Isn't that...really exhausting?”

“Not really. I like being able to help, even if it is just making sure someone's not alone for a night.”

“Wow. I'd find that way too emotionally taxing.”

“Oh, yeah, it can definitely be a lot. At first it got a bit overwhelming but with my regulars it feels like helping out a friend. Obviously it differs from normal friendship but I know far too much about them to just be an acquaintance. I do get a paternal feeling for some of my customers I suppose, so that makes it easier to help out.”

“Doesn't a paternal feeling get a bit weird when you have to sleep with them?”

Oh my god, Viktor, shut up shut up shut up!!!!

“Ah, I don't sleep with my clients. I know that most escorts offer sexual services but it's not something that I'm personally comfortable with-not that I'm judging people who do! They're free to do with their bodies what they want to, it's just not the kind of service I give.”

“And what service is that?”

“Well, normally it's acting as someone's boyfriend. But a lot of times I'm someone to tell your infidelities to and then never have to see them again. I provide whatever role they want from me.”

“What role are you for me tonight then?”

Yuuri paused, thinking.

“A friend. Chris told me you had been feeling down.”

Viktor shifted.

“I don't really want to talk about it.”

“That's fine. Sorry for bringing it up.”

They were silent for a moment. Viktor returned to his drink, the alcohol burning his throat. And then, like the Prince Charming that he was, he spilled it all over his suit. Yuuri yelped, quickly grabbing napkins and floundering over to his side to soak up the damage but Viktor only laughed. I didn't particularly like this suit anyway, Viktor thought. Didn't even iron it tonight.

“It's fine,” Viktor reassuring, waving Yuuri away. “It was my own fault.”

“Are you sure?” Yuuri asked. “It looks expensive.”

Viktor hid a smile behind his hand.

“It's really fine. I can't believe what an idiot I am.”

“Once I was on a date and I was so nervous that I accidentally spilled scalding soup over my crotch-” Viktor hissed in sympathy, “-and then left because I was so embarrassed. Unsurprisingly, I never got a second date so really it could be worse.”

They had dried him up as much as they could with napkins. Viktor's suit clung to him awkwardly but it wasn't too uncomfortable.

“I can't imagine you doing something like that.”

“I used to be a very nervous person so really, that was one of my better moments.”

Viktor scrutinized him. His posture was straight but relaxed, limbs free of tension. Viktor couldn't imagine him ever being anxious.

“What about you, Viktor?”

Viktor liked the way Yuuri said his name, as if it was a fancy brand of wine.

“What about me?”

“What was the worst thing you've ever done on a date?”

He told me he loved me and I had a panic attack immediately followed by me sobbing so hard that someone called the police because they thought he was abusing me. But that didn't quite suit the tone so Viktor racked his memories for something else.

“So, it wasn't quite a date but it was very embarrassing. My somewhat-of-a-boyfriend at the time's parents had a very strict bedroom door open policy. But of course we found our way around it and his dad decided to come in at a very inconvenient time. We were on the sofa and there was the toilet door really close by so when he knocked I pretty much flew into the bathroom. Since there was no bin I decided to flush the condom down the toilet. Long story short when his parents tried to figure out why the toilet was blocked I was never allowed to come back to their house again.” Sorry, Chris.

Yuuri, bless him, actually blushed.

“Oh my god, I would have died!”

“Yup, fair to say it was pretty mortifying. I still cringe when I think about his mother saying 'at least you used protection.'”

Yuuri's laugh was a glorious, tinkling sound that Viktor wanted to capture and hold. He couldn't help but laugh along, the stretching of his cheeks feeling alien and strange. He hadn't realized how long it had been since he had properly laughed. He didn't want it to end.

[andreacaskey]

Staying virtual; Wednesday’s daily brief

Search Engine Land’s daily brief features daily insights, news, tips, and essential bits of wisdom for today’s search marketer. If you would like to read this before the rest of the internet does, sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox daily.

Good morning, Marketers, being in-person isn’t worth anyone’s well-being.

That’s why we’re planning to continue virtual SMX and MarTech events in 2022. I want to be amongst my fellow search marketers as much as anyone, but there are very compelling reasons to continue with virtual conferences until we can be absolutely sure that we’re not compromising on safety. Chris Elwell, CEO of Third Door Media (Search Engine Land’s parent company), laid out these reasons in a two-part series of posts:

There’s no predicting the future of COVID with certainty, and that affects all the other reasons below.

The travel industry has been disrupted. Airlines are having a hard time rebounding, which means fewer, more expensive flights for the foreseeable future.

Over the last 18 months, virtual conferences have been successful for us. Search marketing conferences have translated well to the digital space.

Fewer in-person attendees means lower ROI, which any marketer should be able to appreciate.

The cost of participating in in-person events will rise. “Convention centers, decorators, caterers and all of the other participants in the ecosystem will be paying more to provide the appearance of safety,” Elwell explained. “Those costs will be passed on. Exhibitors will end up with the bill.”

When it’s safe to gather the way we all want to, I hope to be the first person to welcome you back to SMX, but until then, we’ll keep providing professional development opportunities via our virtual conferences. SMX Next will be kicking off on November 9, register and join us for actionable tactics to overcome today’s challenges and forward-thinking strategies that can help you prepare for 2022.

George Nguyen, Editor

SEOs experiencing delays in data on Search Console performance reports

“We’re currently experiencing longer than usual delays in the Search Console performance report. This only affects reporting, not crawling, indexing, or ranking of websites,” said the Google Search Central Twitter account on the morning of Tuesday, September 21.

Many SEOs have noticed the change in their Search Console reports yesterday morning and have taken to social media to ask if they’re the only ones seeing the issue — clearly, they’re not. Based on chatter from the SEO community, the last day of data seems to be September 17 or 18.

Why we care. If your data isn’t updated, don’t worry just yet. The glitch will likely be fixed soon, but make sure to inform your clients and adjust your weekly reporting to ensure no misunderstandings or data mistakes. If you’re using the Search Console API, you maybe also see 404s until the glitch is remedied. Google assured SEOs that the glitch does not affect how sites are seen or indexed, just how the data is being relayed back to them. It’s also a good reminder to go into Search Console regularly to check your data and not just rely solely on tools that may pull the data into automated reports.

Read more here.

How to set up Google Analytics 4 using Google Tag Manager

Google Tag Manager (GTM) provides an easy, templated route to install GA4 on your site as well as create custom events. To help you get started, Tim Jensen, campaign manager at Clix Marketing, has shared how he gets GA4 tracking in place via GTM, as well as some basic customization options.

Step 1: To start, create a new tag with a Tag Type of “Google Analytics: GA4 Event.” Choose your GA4 ID under “Configuration Tag.”

Step 2: Next, enter the Event Name that you’d like to appear within the Google Analytics interface. In this case, we’re using “scroll” to align with the existing “scroll” event that GA4 tracks.

Step 3: Click on the Event Parameters section to expand it. Here, we can add a custom parameter to send further details about the event to Google Analytics. In this case, we’ll send through percentage values for when people scroll to specific points on a page.

Step 4: We’ll use “scroll_depth” for the Parameter Name. Next, the value will be , a variable within GTM that will pull in the scroll percentages as people interact with the page and data is sent back in.

Step 5: We’ll need to create a trigger to determine the values we want to track. Click in the bottom Triggers section to start a new trigger, and select Scroll Depth Trigger. With the variety of screen sizes people may be browsing from, the percentage option is likely your best bet here. Add the numbers for the scroll points you want to track, separated by commas.

Step 6: Save the trigger, save your tag, and publish it live. You should now see more detailed scroll data populate when you look at the Events section in Analytics.

You can use the same basic model presented above to fire additional events into Google Analytics. Use the event name you’d like to populate into Google Analytics, and use parameters to populate further details. 

Read more here.

Product rich results without reviews, the Google Maps ghost and share of voice in modern marketing

Reviews aren’t necessary to use product schema for rich results. “You need either review, aggregateRating, or offers. If you have the product for sale (an ‘offer’) then that works,” Google’s John Mueller said. It may be difficult for lesser established brands to garner reviews, so at least now we know there are other ways to go about it.

“Sounded like a deep man’s voice with a slight Indian accent.” Some Google Maps users have reported that their voice navigation suddenly and briefly switched over to what sounds like a man with a slight Indian accent. This has happened to me as well, but I’m not sure I heard the same accent. Google says it’s aware of the issue and working on a fix, so there’s no need to fear…unless you believe in ghosts.

“Share of voice” in digital channels. Share of voice became a marketing staple decades ago, but the rise of digital muddied the waters. “This has led to renewed attention and debate around additional or alternative metrics.  Les Binet has been researching the value of share of search, which some like Mark Ritson advocate as a potential replacement and others like Shann Biglione at Zenith see as a different tool altogether,” said Marketoonist creator Tom Fishburne.

What We’re Reading: Maintaining your team’s productivity as the pandemic drags on

Are you more or less productive so far this year than you were in 2020? There seems to be no semblance of a consensus between my friends, colleagues, my partner or myself. “Well, I had a baby last year, so I was productive in different ways, I think,” Carolyn Lyden, our director of search content, told me. As for me, I’m not so sure — I worked hard last year, but I’m so much more efficient now that we’ve had over a year of pandemic life and virtual conferences under our belt. See? It’s not such an easy question to answer.

A HubSpot survey found that 39% of employees would say that their productivity level is the same as it was last year. A slightly smaller proportion (37%) said they are either a bit more or much more productive, and nearly a quarter (24%) consider themselves a slightly less or much less productive. There’s no explanation of survey methodology, so I have to assume it’s an internal survey — at any rate, Caroline Forsey, the manager of HubSpot’s marketing blog, sought to address these disparate experiences with a list of practices and strategies that managers can use to respond to changing productivity levels. Below are a few of the highlights.

Find daily or weekly activities your team can do together: This could be something as simple as a game of Two Truths and a Lie, a question of the day or collaborating on a themed music playlist. “Building a strong team culture is a critical component for increasing productivity, as it helps your employees feel more engaged at work and increases team morale,” Forsey wrote.

Paint a clear vision for your team’s future: The “unprecedented” part of the pandemic hasn’t totally faded, but at this point, we have a rough idea of what the near-term future looks like. “Employees had to adapt to a new working world, and now that they’ve adjusted, you need to paint an attainable future for them to work towards rather than ambiguity and uncertainty,” said Clint Fontanella, marketing manager at HubSpot.

Foster trust and boundaries: In remote environments, a lack of trust can turn into micromanagement. Without boundaries, remote work can quickly bleed into our leisure hours, which can be equally detrimental to productivity.

Acknowledge that productivity looks different for everyone: Here’s a personal example — Barry Schwartz can write and publish breaking industry news before I can finish reading it. While I also share that responsibility, I typically focus on longer, evergreen content. That means a lot of time spent communicating with professionals and companies and rounds of editing. Comparing us to one another simply doesn’t make sense. This is also true for employees that like to work 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. with no breaks and ones that need to leave for a few hours to drop their child off at daycare, for example.

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