#i think dc really lacks good creature design

[bearforceone3]

grasshopper man

[tigerkirby215]

5e Pyke the Bloodharbor Ripper build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Riot Games)

You look familiar... You. You were on my blog, looking at my builds.

Well here’s yet another League build, and yet another edgelord champion. I don’t know if it’s a problem with me or a problem with League but I seem to be drawn to characters with edgy personas... at least lore-wise. In game I spam Sona and Yuumi like an eGirl thot.

And Kayn. And Warwick. Alright I might just be an edgelord.

Regardless Pyke is always a character I’ve enjoyed more for his lore than his actual gameplay. Back in my DOTA days I used to main Bounty Hunter (and I might branch out to DOTA builds someday; who knows?) and while Pyke captures that gameplay to some extent he’s never really been my cup of tea. Gondar was considerably more light-hearted than Pyke and focused a lot more on information gathering than the raw killing that Pyke does. Even so I think Pyke was a great addition to the lore of Bilgewater with the rest of the region seemingly existing only as an excuse to put pirates into League of Legends. (Ironically enough I actually think the other character that displays Bilgewater’s lore the best is Tahm Kench, and considering that most people see him as a meme that’s really saying something.)

But regardless: you’re here for the build, not to read me ramble about why I made it. I can definitely say that if you genuinely want to play Pyke you’re certainly one for the roleplay, though try not to be overly edgy.

GOALS

Harpooner - Armed with an iconic Bone Skewer it’ll find its way stabbed into the stomachs or thrown into the backs of many victims.

Until it all sinks... - Pyke swims in the shadows before surfacing to pounce his prey. He did also swim in the water once.

Did I “support” right? - While we won’t have any healing Pyke has plenty of utility in his own right.

RACE

Officially Pyke is some sort of drowned revenant, and while I know there is a Revenant race in the Gothic Heroes UA it’s rather unbalanced and unfortunately doesn’t really work for what we’re trying to do here. The Gothic Heroes Revenant has a goal, but Pyke’s mind is warped so he thinks his goal is never done. While the health regen is in character for Pyke’s Gift of the Drowned Ones the other features don’t really help us or retain the aquatic theme of Pyke.

With that in mind I had a few ideas: Water Genasi was my first idea to have a character infused with the strength of the sea but unfortunately it’s focused far too much on magic as well as Constitution, both of which Pyke doesn’t have. My next thought was for a Kalashtar to have the spirit of the drowned one infused into you, but they’re tied deeply into their dream lore and less-so into the two-minds aspect.

But then I realized there’s a race that gets infused with parts from the ocean, and even starts out human just like Pyke! This is going to sound mad but you’re going to want a Simic Hybrid from Guildmaster’s Guide to Ravnica. While in-lore they receive their gifts from the deep from science we can reflavor it as gifts from the ocean itself. Anyways Simic Hybrids see their Constitution increase by 2 and a stat of their choice increase by 1: choose Dexterity for a better chance fighting the beasts below before your line is cut. You also get Darkvision up to 60 feet and Animal Enhancements. Since Animal Enhancement is tied to level I’ll be addressing it in the build instead of in the race section because this is getting long enough as is. And for your language of choice I’d opt for Elvish, mainly because it’s unlikely you’ll meet any Vedalken this side of the sea.

ABILITY SCORES

15; DEXTERITY - Fighting the monsters of Bilgewater in their own territory takes a great degree of nimbleness to avoid getting your line cut.

14; CHARISMA - All sea captains fear the Bloodharbor Ripper, and Charisma is a requirement to multiclass.

13; INTELLIGENCE - You need to be smart to hunt any prey, be it a monstrous fish or... more dangerous game...

12; CONSTITUTION - While not in-character for Pyke to be tanky we sadly can’t convert our health into damage in this build.

10; WISDOM - Even if you have to do it to survive jumping into monster-infested waters is not the best lifestyle choice.

8; STRENGTH - While perhaps in-character to drop Wisdom instead we simply don’t need Strength in this build.

BACKGROUND

There are several backgrounds for a man lost at sea but Pirate is the best for one who came back with a vengeance. You get the Athletics and Perception skills to scout out your prey and wrestle with it in deep tide, as well as proficiency with Water Vehicles and Navigator’s Tools to command your own ship someday. But the main feature we’re here for is Bad Reputation so everyone knows that you’re the Bloodharbor Ripper. If you’re in a civilized settlement people will be afraid of being put on your list, and will let you get away with minor crimes. Murder isn’t a minor crime though, so pull someone into an alley if they do end up showing up on your list.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - ROGUE 1

Starting off as a Rogue for the extra proficiencies: take Intimidation, Stealth, Investigation, and Acrobatics as your skills of choice. You also get Expertise in two of those skills and you’re going to want Investigation to find your quarry and Stealth to sneak up on them.

But of course the main reason for the expertise in Stealth is so we can Sneak Attack. Once per turn you can do an extra d6 damage with an attack if an enemy is within 5 feet of your ADC or if you have Advantage on the attack by jumping out of water. You must be using a finesse weapon such as your Bone Skewer, which for now would likely just be a Short Sword since you haven’t received your gifts from the deep yet.

But your time in Bilgewater did allow you to learn Thieves’ Cant, a mix of words and phrases that are actually a code among criminals. They may be speaking about the latest big catch but you know what they’re really talking about is cutting your line.

But while you were under the undertow you did receive some Animal Enhancement. As a Simic Hybrid you can choose between three Enhancement options at level 1: Manta Glide lets you fall slowly and glide as you do so, Nimble Climber gives you a climbing speed equal to your walking speed, but Underwater Adaptation is the obvious choice for the drowned man. You gain a swimming speed equal to your walking speed and can breath underwater. You drowned once but it won’t happen again.

NOTE: If you’re playing outside of an aquatic campaign Nimble Climber would be your next best bet to remaining in character. You can also opt to just play a Variant Human instead of a Simic Hybrid if you don’t mind the lack of swimming speed however, since Simic Hybrid was mainly picked for the aquatic implications.

LEVEL 2 - ROGUE 2

Second level Rogues get Cunning Action, allowing you to use your quick wit to Dash, Disengage, or Hide as a bonus action. A Bilgewater Harpooner needs to be quick on their feat and always trust their crew. But when that trust is lost...

LEVEL 3 - WARLOCK 1

As you’re lost to The Drowned Ones you receive their blessing to become a Warlock. The Drowned Ones could be seen as The Undying in many senses, as they keep you from death to serve them.

WHY NOT LURKER IN THE DEEP? - Lurker in the deep focuses a lot more on using the strength of those below more directly. Pike meanwhile merely serves them as an assassin. Not only that but Lurker in the Deep has far more of a focus on tentacles than knives, which is more of Illaoi’s thing.

Undying Warlocks are considered Among the Dead. They get the Spare the Dying cantrip and have Advantage against diseases, and undead enemies may not attack you as they see you as one of their own. If an undead attacks you they have to make a Wisdom save against your Warlock spell DC or choose a new target, losing the attack if there is no one else to hit. If you succeed on the save or you hit them they’re immune to this effect for 24 hours, so perhaps don’t pick fights with Sion.

But along with Spare the Dying you also get access to more Spellcasting. You learn 2 cantrips from the Warlock spell list: Lighting Lure will let you throw your Bone Skewer out at an enemy within 15 feet. They must make a Strength saving throw or be pulled 10 feet towards you, taking a d8 of Lightning damage if they’re pulled into melee range. Eldritch Blast lets you throw your Bone Skewer further down range - make a ranged spell attack against a target you can see and on a hit they take a d10 force damage.

You also learn 2 first level spells from the Warlock list: False Life comes from The Undying patron list and lets you “regenerate” some health in the darkness. You gain a d4 + 4 temporary hitpoints when you cast this spell. That temp HP lasts for an hour or until it’s cut off of you.

Illusory Script meanwhile is the perfect spell to write your list. You can cast this spell while writing with lead-based ink worth at least 10 gold to imbue the words with powerful illusion magic for 10 days. Creatures you designate can read the message normally but any other creature won’t be able to read it, or will see a completely different message as long as it’s written in a language you know. If the spell is dispelled the message is dispelled, so no one will know that your list is truly unending... unless they have truesight, as they’ll be able to read it under the light of a pink ward.

LEVEL 4 - WARLOCK 2

2nd level Warlocks get Eldritch Invocations and the only one we really need is Grasp of Hadar. Every time you hit an enemy with your Eldritch Blast you can pull them 10 feet closer, so you can drag ‘em under and get your hands dirty. You other choice of invocation really doesn’t matter: Armor of Shadows can be a good boost to your AC but I personally like Mask of Many Faces to hide behind your facemask before finding your prey.

You also get another spell and Hex will let you mark your prey as a gift to the Drowned Ones. Whenever you hit a target that’s Hexed you do an extra d6 Necrotic damage, and the target has disadvantage on a type of ability check of your choosing. I’d personally choose Strength so that they can’t swim up when you pull them down to drown.

LEVEL 5 - ROGUE 3

3rd level Rogues get access to their Roguish Archetype and the Soul Knife subclass from the Psionics UA will make sure you always have a Bone Skewer. The Soul Knife gets a Psionic Enhancement: you can either have a 30 foot Telepathy, some extra health and Toughness equal to your Intelligence modifier plus your Rogue level, or 5 feet of extra Walking Speed. These all have their uses but while it’s perhaps not in-flavor Toughness is probably your most consistently useful enhancement.

WHY NOT REVIVED? - Revived focuses far more on the manipulation of death, and has a heavier skill focus than the Soul Knife. But put in simple terms Soul Knife has nearly all the abilities I’d want from Pyke without having to multiclass too much. Undying Warlock is already more than enough undeath for Pyke, and it also helps give him some Deep One patrons.

I should also mention I made this build before the latest Psionics Options Revisited UA. This build uses old features so discuss with your DM if you want to use the newer version.

But of course the main reason to go for the Soul Knife is your Psychic Blade. You can create a bone skewer in your hand, or two bone skewers if you’re feeling particularly vicious. You can’t hold anything in the hand you hold the blade but you can choose to dispel them without using an action.

The blade has the finesse and light properties so you can dual wield them and use your Dexterity as your attack modifier. It deals 1d6 psychic damage on a hit and you can throw it 30 feet normally or 60 feet with disadvantage. Regardless of if you throw your knife or stab with it you can proc your Sneak Attack, which now deals 2d6 damage. If you throw the blade as part of an attack it vanishes immediately after it hits or misses, and the blade(s) disappear the instant it leaves your hand or if you’re incapacitated.

You also get another Animal Enhancement as a Simic Hybrid so you may as well get more AC from the Carapace enhancement, which increases your AC by 1 as long as you’re not wearing Heavy Armor. The only other enhancement I’d maybe suggest is Nimble Climber, which you could’ve taken at level 1. But simply put more AC is more useful, and was limited to us for a reason. You can consider the extra AC as the salt soaked into your skin, and your lust for vengeance allowing you to shrug off attacks.

(Artwork by FMM CAT)

LEVEL 6 - ROGUE 4

4th level Rogues get an Ability Score Improvement: increase your Dexterity for deadlier strikes with your Bone Skewer.

LEVEL 7 - ROGUE 5

At 5th level Rogues get Uncanny Dodge, letting them reduce the damage of an attack by half as a reaction. Is a female bounty hunter shooting you? Dive in the ghostly waters and set yourself up for the kill, especially since your Sneak Attack is also increased to 3d6 at this level.

LEVEL 8 - ROGUE 6

6th level Rogues get Expertise in two more skills: I’d choose Intimidation and Athletics. A frightened target won’t be able to lie to you, and Athletics Expertise will compensate for your low Strength score.

LEVEL 9 - ROGUE 7

7th level Rogues get Evasion: if you’re targeted with a Dexterity-based skill shot you can dash out of the way and take no damage on a successful saving throw, or only half damage if you fail. Pyke is far more evasive than the average support, and can get up and personal to do 4d6 with Sneak Attack.

LEVEL 10 - ROGUE 8

8th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement and we’ll max out our Dexterity for even deadlier strikes with your Bone Skewer.

LEVEL 11 - ROGUE 9

At 9th level you get the Terrifying Blade Soul Knife feature. When you damage a creature with your Psychic Blade you can force them to make a Wisdom saving throw based on your Intelligence modifier. If they fail the creature is frightened of you until the start of your next turn, but on a successful save they become immune to this feature for 24 hours. Traitors run from their past, or face them head on. Regardless you’ll kill them all, especially with a 5d6 Sneak Attack.

LEVEL 12 - ROGUE 10

10th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement, and you may have noticed our uneven Intelligence score? The Observant Feat will let us see when traitors talk about their coin. You can increase one of your mental stats by 1 (we’ll improve Intelligence) and you can read a creature’s lips to understand what they’re saying as long as you share a language. Your passive Perception and Investigation also increase by 5, so you can be aware of any backstabbers trying to slip away.

LEVEL 13 - ROGUE 11

11th level Rogues get Reliable Talent, meaning that any roll below a 10 in a skill you’re proficient in is treated as a 10. This means that your lowest possible roll with the skills your proficient in is:

25 on Stealth

22 on Intimidation or Investigation

20 on Acrobatics

19 on Athletics

15 on Perception

Your Sneak Attack also increases to 6d6.

LEVEL 14 - ROGUE 12

12th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement and we’ll want more Intelligence to know how to truly terrify our foes.

LEVEL 15 - ROGUE 13

13th level Soul Knife Rogues can dive into spectral waters with Psychic Veil. As an action you become invisible for 10 minutes. This invisibility ends if you make an attack or if you force a creature to make a saving throw. You can become invisible a number of times equal to your Intelligence modifier and you regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest. Your Sneak Attack also increases to 7d6 now, and just so you know attacking out of Invisibility counts as a Sneak Attack.

(Pyke concept art by Riot Games)

LEVEL 16 - ROGUE 14

14th level Rogues borrow some techniques from the monk in the jungle and get a 10 foot radius Blindsense to chase your prey.

LEVEL 17 - ROGUE 15

15th level Rogues get Slippery Mind for proficiency in Wisdom saving throws. It’s not much but considering that you have a +0 to Wisdom it certainly helps. Your Sneak Attack also increases to 8d6 now.

LEVEL 18 - ROGUE 16

16th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement and more Intelligence will lead to more Ghostwater Dives and better Terrifying Blades.

LEVEL 19 - ROGUE 17

17th level Soul Knife Rogues can Rend Mind for a powerful Phantom Undertow. If you have a Psychic Blade manifested you can force a creature you can see within 30 feet of you to make an Intelligence saving throw. The target takes 12d6 psychic damage and is stunned until the start of your next turn on a failed save, but only takes half as much on a successful save and isn’t stunned. If you are hidden from the target it has disadvantage on the save, and one of your Psychic Blades vanishes after using this feature.

You can use this feature a number of times equal to your Intelligence modifier and regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest. Pro tip: attacks against Stunned enemies automatically have Advantage so you can use your 9d6 Sneak Attack damage.

LEVEL 20 - ROGUE 18

Our final level is the 18th level in Rogue for Elusive so that no attack can have Advantage against you. "Death keeps spitting me right back out."

FINAL BUILD

PROS

I smell panic - Soul Knife on its own is a very powerful subclass. Having an unlimited supply of weapons that are viable at both melee and range, the ability to turn invisible, and tons of crowd control with both fears and stuns makes for an incredible damage dealer who can provide a lot of utility to the party.

Big Beast - It wasn’t my intention when making this build but for a Rogue you’re remarkably tanky. You have an above-average constitution and Psionic Enhancement buffing your health to a respectable level, and the Carapace Animal Enhancement turns what would be a +5 to AC (from your Dexterity) to a +6. This means that you have 17 AC with Leather Armor, 18 with Studded, and a 19 AC with Armor of Shadows! As a Rogue, meaning you have Uncanny Dodge and Evasion to further increase your survivability! Not to mention you have two Warlock slots to cast False Life is the fight starts to go south.

Crews share the wealth - Expertise in Intimidation and Investigation are helpful, and having Spare the Dying means that your Cleric can focus on stronger cantrips instead. But having 10 minutes of invisibility is insanely helpful for infiltration.

CONS

Every kill makes the voices louder - The two levels in Warlock are done almost entirely for flavor, and while we do get some useful features it does still mean you lose out on Stroke of Luck. If you have a DM who likes roleplay you can take the Magic Initiate feat for Wizards to get Lightning Lure along with potentially Ray of Frost to simulate a long-ranged “pull” and be a Warlock without actually being a Warlock. But the honest truth is that Soul Knife on its own is strong enough and the ability to pull people closer to you is largely redundant.

My list just got longer - Soul Knife uses their Bonus Action a lot more than other Rogues, meaning that you can’t use your Cunning Action to hide as often. Yes you can make two knives at a time but this still means that you’ll have to spend another bonus action to “reload” after throwing two hooks. And if both your hands are full you can’t hold your list!

Swim or Sink - Unfortunately you don’t get to max out your Intelligence modifier, which is needed for a lot of your class features. However the far bigger issue is your saving throws: proficiency in Wisdom saves help but your Charisma and Constitution are stuck at +2 and your Strength is forever at a pitiful -1. While you can compensate for strength checks with Expertise in Athletics your saving throws are less than desirable.

But problems only come for those without a plan. Make your list, check it twice, find out who’s naughty or nice before gutting them. Make sure your crew’s got your back and that they aren’t going to cut your line too. You’ve died before, but it doesn’t hurt not to do it again.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

[a-mellowtea]

RWBY Issue #1: An Elegy For Continuity

I’ve never been one for comic books. I think I read a couple when I was younger. I seem to recall Spiderman. I did pick up the Bone series at one point and fell in love with it. But beyond that, they never appealed to me. Now that I’m older, however, and finding more of an appreciation for design and storytelling alike, I really want to go back and just smother younger me in superhero and fantasy comics to make up for what I missed.

When I heard that RWBY was making a venture into the comics scene thanks to DC, I honestly got excited. It’s a perfect medium to tell stories that canon may not have been able to cover, and with the promised content being set in the area in-universe -- between Volumes 3 and 4 -- we have the least specific information about, there was no conceivable reason not to be at least interested.

RWBY #1 dropped on August 28th, 2019 under the subtitle “Prelude: The Elegy”. It’s narrated by Ruby Rose, one of the series’ titular characters and arguable ‘main’ protagonist out of the four, and covers in very brief form the Creatures of Grimm, the Huntsmen Academies, the fellow members -- Yang Xiao Long, Blake Belladonna and Weiss Schnee -- of RWBY, the Color Naming Convention/Rule, Dust, Semblances and the Fall of Beacon. It ends with the finale of Volume 3, and Ruby uncertain if they’ll be able to carry on.

The quality of the artwork and layout varies, but overall Mirka Andolfo and Arif Prianto do capture the look and feel of the characters (although, they can’t seem to decide whether Weiss is left-handed or not). Whether or not some of it seems off is an entirely subjective matter. Personally, while I find some panels to be absolutely striking (such as Tai, Yang and Ruby at Summer’s grave, the Volume 1-3 era combat panels, the initial Battle of Beacon Academy page, and the final panel), I also find others to be a bit... lacking (the Volume 4 design splash page especially).

An article by CBR appropriately labeled it an adaptation at a “breakneck pace”, which is honestly an understatement. The elements I mentioned get perhaps a page each, touched on in a manner I can in all seriousness relate to skipping a stone across a pond. Being a fan of the series, for me, that is perfectly fine; I already have as much of a grasp on things like Aura and Dust and the combat Academies as one who has been with the show since the Volume 2/3 hiatus could. On top of that, with Ruby as our narrator and speaking from in-universe, she may not see the need to go into incredible detail. However, someone just delving into RWBY with this as a primer or part of their proper introduction to Volumes 1 or 2 would in all likelihood be left winded by everything that zooms by with so little explanation. These elements are essential to the story and the world of Remnant. They, along with certain key events such as the Battle of Beacon, are the building blocks of the series.

On that front, it certainly doesn’t help anything that canon is shakily incorporated or, at points, firmly and summarily disregarded. See, the issue with RWBY #1 doesn’t lie in the art style or storytelling. Rather, it is with the connective tissue between the comic and its source material.

Most of these instances aren’t egregious oversights but are worth mentioning regardless. For instance, there is a panel in which Penny is shown wearing Beacon’s uniform, though she is from Atlas and was never shown wearing any of the Academy’s uniforms.

In the panel talking about Semblances, Weiss’ Semblance is described as being able to “summon any Grimm she’s slain”. While true, that is a facet of her Semblance, not her power itself. Weiss’ Semblance is Glyphs. She also never summoned before the Battle of Beacon, making the page of her summoning a Grimm circa that time also inaccurate.

In yet another, Ruby mentions rumors about the Maidens and magic. However, the only way she could have known about the Four Maidens before Qrow telling her and RNJR in Volume 4 Chapter 8 was through the fairy tale known as the “Story of the Seasons”. Only the Ozluminati (Ozpin, Qrow, Glynda and James) and Pyrrha knew in full about the truth surrounding the four Maidens. As this is being narrated at the end of Volume 3 (the “now”, as stated in the penultimate panel), Jaune also only knew that Cinder had acquired some sort of power; nothing of magic or the Maidens.

The worst of these errors come at the end of the comic, and are most plainly wrong. Ruby is shown having come back to Patch on foot, whereas she was most certainly entirely unconscious when she was brought back to Patch by Qrow. It is also implied that Ruby returned to help Tai take care of Yang; their conditions of consciousness somewhat perplexingly reversed from canon. 

Furthermore, though it is clearly stated and shown that Jacques was the one to take Weiss home after the events at Beacon, Willow also appears to be present alongside an AK-200.*

And finally, Taiyang is shown in the aforementioned penultimate panel waving goodbye to RNJR as they depart for Mistral.  The issues of this particular change are further-reaching than most of the others; Ruby leaving without a word to her father and sister other than a letter was brought up several times in Volume 4, and was part of what made Yang and Ruby’s reunion in Volume 5 such a good moment.

Some things are also oddly worded (and that’s without mentioning the run-on sentences), leading to unnecessary confusion. For example, at one point, Ruby explains that “Atlas, Vale, Vacuo and Mistral -- every Kingdom in Remnant has their own way of dealing with Grimm. But only the Kingdom of Vale has Beacon, the legendary Academy where my mother and father went to become Huntsmen”. This makes it sound like Beacon is the only Huntsmen Academy in Remnant, and the other Kingdoms have completely separate ways of dealing with the Grimm. I doubt that was the authorial intent; it could be explained away rather easily as Ruby simply stating that none of the other Academies are as good; ie, there is only one Beacon.

There is also another rather odd panel following the aforementioned, in which a young Ruby and Yang stand with Taiyang, their father, and Summer Rose, Ruby’s biological mother. While this family shot is very nice and certainly pulls on a fan’s heartstrings, the composition is strange. If this is meant to be an in-canon moment, rather than a symbolic one, then Ruby and Yang’s ages at the time of Summer’s death are thrown into question yet again. As stated by Yang in Volume 5 Chapter 8, “My mom left me. Ruby’s mom left too. Dad was always busy with school, and Ruby couldn’t even talk yet”. This shot, with Ruby and Yang looking closer to 6 and 8 respectively, contradicts that.

That’s not to say that these errors, numerous as they are, completely ruin the experience of reading the comic. Paired with Mirka Andolfo’s artwork, RWBY #1 presents a decent introduction to RWBY until the end of Volume 3, heading into the timeskip territory. However, being a recap of elements and events already covered in the show, it is sorely lacking and has absolutely no excuse to be. I saw someone mention that it feels like the writer, Marguerite Bennett, skimmed the show’s Wiki or otherwise did the least amount of research possible on the series before writing. I wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment.

At the end of the day, RWBY #1 “Prologue: The Elegy” is a good attempt at summarizing the most basic and key material of Volumes 1-3, but ultimately fails, falls flat and devolves into a mess of inconsistencies, errors and nonsensical changes that fans should not consider being canon whether it has been stated to be in the category of “canon-until-it’s-not” or not.

I do hope they find their footing in the second issue of RWBY, as perhaps original content will provide better space for the story to flow largely unhindered by canonical information.

*Amendment: I originally stated that it was Winter in this panel. I’ve been since informed that that is incorrect. Apologies for the mistake!

[zobot257]

Propagana Callout: Tucker Carlson

Today I need to talk to anyone reading this about a matter of utmost seriousness: Propaganda.

Propaganda is something that I, as a writer, utterly despise. It's misleading, misinforming, blatantly biased sources of information meant to brainwash rather than to foster thought and further investigation. And it is all around us in this current election. More than ever we have an obligation to do research and investigate things ourselves, to stay properly informed.

I'm going to do something here, which is to show a written work I feel is very much Propaganda, and then explain how it uses fallacy, melodrama, and deception to mislead you. The piece I'm using as an example is linked below:

https://www.foxnews.com/opinion/tucker-carlson-2020-election-biden-win-age-of-oligarcy

Please NOTE I'm picking this because it's an easy, obvious target, not because it's "conservative" or "liberal" or anything like that. Propaganda exists on both sides here, and in the modern age it's often harder to spot. If you want me to evaluate something from like CNN or some other obviously liberal news source as a counterpoint to this, feel free to suggest it.

With that in mind, let's begin.

Now, there's a number of things propaganda-laden about this piece. First of all, keep in mind that this is an OPINION piece. Opinion pieces are not subject to as rigid guidelines as anything intended to be presented as ACTUAL journalism. While you still can't say things to say, incite a riot, you can get away with a lot more than you could in a proper newspaper article that's meant to be an authoritarian source as long as you clearly label that it's only your opinion. So that means it's safe, right?

That's the thing here, it isn't.

The fact that it’s from Tucker Carlson, noted TV personality, gives it a sense of significance and weight (if only virtually) than an opinion piece written by any other John Doe. As much as I dislike the man, there are people who trust him and will take his word because of who he is and what he does. Because he's a person in the public eye who is supposed to report the news. So there are people who will read this and believe it wholeheartedly despite it being labeled an opinion piece, and also despite it not really giving any PROOF for his assertions. In fact that lack of any proof for his assertions, no citing of sources or indicators of what he’s saying beyond the article itself, is the first thing I’d say that flags it as propaganda for me. If you make a statement in a political arena you'd better be prepared to back it up. But the fact that it's an Opinion piece frees him from having to cite sources, while still banking on his name and fame to make it SEEM more authoritative than it really is.

Now let’s dissect some of his statements:

“We have no clue what Joe Biden actually thinks, or even if he's capable of thinking. He hasn't told us and no one's made him tell us for a full year.”

Joe Biden has literally gone the whole year campaigning on a platform. I can cite debates he’s participated in, things he’s vowed to do, and speeches he’s made. But Tucker Carlson implies he’s not “capable of thinking” and that “we have no clue what Joe Biden actually thinks”. The Bible says that “by their fruits shall we know them”. It’s pretty easy to see what Joe Biden is thinking by what he says and his history of actions, and he’s a public figure so those things are not mystified or hidden.

But Tucker Carlson in saying that sentence creates an illusion, without any proof, that Joe Biden has hidden motives, an agenda beyond his actions... or, and this is probably what he’s angling for, NO agenda at all, because he’s implied by the rest of the piece to be a shell of a man controlled by corporate interests.

(This is off-topic, but I’ll point out that Donald Trump is the first president to publicly own his own businesses and openly used his political status to PROFIT his own businesses, which I can cite a NUMBER of sources for. Ethics professors and safeguard monitors in and out of Washington DC have rang alarm bells about that being a dangerous conflict-of-interest.)

“What remains is a projection of sorts, a hologram designed to mimic the behavior of a non-threatening political candidate: "Relax, Joe Biden's here. He smiles a lot. Everything's fine." That's the message from the vapor candidate.”

This is another statement showing how Propaganda it is. It’s subtly condescending, while at the same time not condescending towards the people likely to READ it. Instead, it’s implying that “the other side”, those who support Biden for any reason, are easily manipulated and just want to feel safe. So anyone reading it who is on “the correct side” will generally feel reassured they made the right decision. They’re not easily tricked or suckered by ‘the vapor candidate”.

Another way you can tell it’s Propaganda is that it’s using mockery and derision for people who don’t fit their mold.

Propaganda uses Emotional Artifice to manipulate. It’s designed to make you Feel and Care without making you THINK. You can read this whole article without ever having to seriously question what it’s about. You don’t have to, but it’s designed to not be challenging.

Anyway, moving on, let's see the next thing Tucker Carlson says.

“Well, the first thing you should know is that the people behind Joe Biden aren't liberals. We've often incorrectly called them that. A liberal believes in the right of all Americans to speak freely, to make a living, to worship their God, to defend their own families, and to do all of that regardless of what political party they belong to or what race they happen to be born into or how far from midtown Manhattan they currently live.”

Another point that’s pretty Propaganda is this one right here. Defining terms without any basis for how they’re doing it. How does any reader KNOW this is “what a liberal is”, outside Tucker Carlson defining it? They may have outside knowledge, but that's never a guarantee. By setting up his definition for the reader, Tucker Carlson is setting up rules for how the rest of the article will go, while steering the reader towards his desired point of view.

While that in and of itself is not only a tactic used by Propaganda, it’s bad in this specific instance because of the end goal; which is to define a group without any input from the actual group itself. Think “The Noble Savage” being used to describe Native Americans as “those misguided creatures who only need the light of God to start Living and Acting Right" in earlier historical times. Creating an image of a people group without actually KNOWING the people group in question or accurately reflecting them.

Again, if Tucker Carlson gave any basis or rationale for his claims, it might not be Propaganda. But because he doesn’t, because he expects his word to exist only on it’s own in this article, then the article is the only thing he expects you to read, and to evaluate it on it’s own merits. That makes it Propaganda.

Writing to persuade is not a bad thing. Persuading people using manipulative and disingenuous statements IS.

Next point!

“A liberal believes in universal principles, fairly applied. And the funny thing is, all of that describes most of the 70 million people who just voted for Donald Trump this week.”

In the paragraph preceding this one, Tucker Carlson went on to define a Liberal as something fairly mild and inoffensive. Someone you could probably be friends with, right? Now he’s going on to explain how the people who voted for Biden are in fact NOT liberals, and how the TRUE liberals are all the Trump voters. See, if you’re reading this article, you’re clearly the ones who are mild and inoffensive. You haven’t done anything wrong, you’re the "good guys".

It’s an emotional appeal, and one done in bad faith as manipulative. A trap designed to flatter and comfort people without making them question the validity of what he’s doing. This is the sort of thing salespeople do to upsell customers. By convincing them that the more expensive product is the "smart buy".

“They have no interest in silencing the opposition on Facebook or anywhere else”

Take my words with a grain of salt. I’d rather you THINK about it and evaluate what I say rather than just believe me. But I will say in my personal experience alone this sentence does not describe people who voted for Trump OR Biden, and may be the most false statement Tucker Carlson puts into his whole piece here. EVERYONE uses Facebook for politics these days. I'm starting to get sick of it, and the fact that I've done it too is hypocrisy I need to tamp down.

Anyway, next bit of the opinion article to analyze:

“What you do know for certain is that the people behind Joe Biden are not like that at all. They don't believe in dissent. "You think one thing? I think another. That's OK." No, that's not them at all. They demand obedience to diversity, which is to say, legitimate differences between people is the last thing they want.”

Another good example of Propaganda is how it attacks others and wildly caricaturizes them. You see this in old war propaganda all the time. Look at how “the bad guys” are depicted in some of these old superman comic covers for a visual example:

https://sites.google.com/site/worldwar2comicbookpropaganda/home/superman

As much as I hate to defend Nazis in ANY context, at ALL, the “good guy” is obvious in these visual bits of art. The “bad guy” is drawn as a caricature that looks fairly ugly in a shriveled way more often than not, playing up racial stereotypes and looking unfortunate or angry, while the “good guy” looks generally happy and serene or at least stereotypically handsome to look at. Tucker Carlson is doing the same exact thing here, but with words instead of pictures. Demonizing “the other side” while explaining to his intended audience, his “side”, how they’re the sane and good ones. The "other side" is going to silence your voice, ignore the principle of live and let live, all in the name of "diversity" that isn't truly diverse.

Does he have evidence of this?

Maybe, but he doesn't present it anywhere in the article or even try. You have only this article to go by, and that means either you accept his argument at face value or reject it at face value. He's trying to scare you by presenting something no one really wants as what "the other side" is trying to do.

Propaganda almost never is used to try and convince people who aren’t already believers. It usually looks offensive or silly to people outside the “bubble”.

Instead it’s used to reinforce and manipulate the people who already generally agree with your message. Keeping them from thinking for themselves and replacing their thoughts with your own. Studies have shown a crude-yet-effective way to brainwash anyone is to just keep repeating a phrase over and over again to them while giving them positive reinforcement when they agree (or at least listen passively) while they get negative reinforcement for going against it or speaking up negatively. (Again, don't take my word for it, I encourage you to do research on this frankly horrifying concept.)

The same principle is applied in most forms of Propaganda. Constant repetition of similar messages designed to shut down independent thought or controversy. Next snippet!

“Now, if these seem like corporate values to you, then you're catching on to what's happening. The Joe Biden for President campaign is a purely corporate enterprise.”

Again this is off-topic, but I’ll point out that Donald Trump still holds a controlling interest in his own CORPORATION, and how huge a conflict of interest that is for a political official. IF Joe Biden is actually a corporate enterprise as Tucker Carlson is saying, at least he has the intelligence to keep it covered up.

Personally, I’d take competent evil over inept and stupid evil any day of the week.

But more importantly, again, this is a statement of serious allegations made without any PROOF given to back it up. It’s a statement expected to only be taken by its words alone. Remember my point about Propaganda not being used to convince OUTSIDERS.

Anyone who doesn’t already tune into Fox News would probably look at this statement and wonder where getting it from. Because they’re not the target audience. Propaganda exists primarily to reinforce believes that people already have and keep them from questioning or doubting them. This piece does that. Though I don't feel it does it very subtly, which is why I picked it to evaluate. It's easier to dissect something obvious than something artful.

Next up!

“It's the first one in American history to come this close to the presidency. If a multinational corporation decided to create a presidential candidate, he would be-“

Tucker Carlson, should I just start saying “Trump Towers, Trump Branded products, Trump’s Mar-a-largo resort...” and all the other things involved in Donald Trump’s MULTINATIONAL CORPORATION HE WANTS YOU TO BUY THINGS FROM?

“The first one in American history” is a blatant lie meant to cast shade on Biden. Again, to paraphrase from the Bible: "Remove the plank from your own eye before you remove the speck from your brother’s". I'm not quoting that perfectly but you get the point:

Hypocrisy.

Even if Tucker Carlson has a valid argument here, and Biden will be good for shady tech giants like Google (which I acknowledge may be a possibility), he’s making it seem like this is the first time we’ve had a President beholden to corporate interests. Even BEFORE Trump, it really wasn’t. I’d say it goes back to “Citizens United”, where corporations were ruled by the courts to have MORE rights than citizens, but it probably goes back before that and I just don’t know. (Just a reminder! Don't take my word for this! Read up on Citizens United and make your own opinions!)

Donald Trump is the first person to be President who is just OPEN about being beholden to Corporate interests. And if BIDEN is, it’s just a return to form, where the “form” is him outwardly appearing to be a just leader while inwardly being a puppet for them. Again, if Tucker Carlson has the slightest crumb of a point in his opinion piece here, it’s this. But he’s openly lying by saying that Biden’s the first to be beholden to corporate interests. It’s just that Biden is beholden to corporate interests he doesn’t WANT, while Trump wasn’t.

Next up, we hear Tucker Carlson talk about our next VeePee:

“They literally picked Kamala Harris as Biden's running mate, someone who can't even pronounce her own name”

Propaganda often uses mockery and derision to argue it’s points when it doesn’t actually have GOOD arguments. This is because people will laugh at the joke while not realizing it’s manipulating them.

I highly doubt Kamala Harris can’t pronounce her own name, but its presented here as a way to make her look stupid because Tucker Carlson can’t come up with any legitimate way to attack her.

And there ARE legitimate ways

There's so many legitimate ways to attack Kamala Harris.

But the purpose of this article isn't that. It's to educate on Propaganda. So let's move on!

Ooo, especially because now we get to my favorite part of the whole Opinion Piece next!

“Now, whatever you may think of Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders, they did it the traditional way. Each one of them had the support of actual voters. Living, breathing people loved them, believed in them, vested their hope in them, and, by the way, agreed with their ideas, which they articulated clearly.”

THIS is the beautiful part of the manipulation. The part where Tucker Carlson tries to convince us it’s NOT Propaganda. See, he’s clearly praising someone on “the other side”, so therefore he’s clearly unbiased and entirely nonpartisan. The reason why he’s using Bernie Sanders here? Bernie Sanders also has a following among “the other side” but is ENTIRELY SAFE TO PRAISE because he’s not up for election or reelection. People will forget this propaganda-filled shitty memo in a month.

Guaranteed.

But they’ll remember the message inside it if they buy into it. And this whole paragraph is designed to make you remember Tucker Carlson as “fair and unbiased” because clearly there are people on “the other side” that he “respects”. The reality of the situation is that Bernie Sanders can’t easily be used against Tucker Carlson’s intent, because he’s not up for election in any way that rocks the dang boat. So praising him here, regardless of if it’s sincere or not, doesn’t do anything that might risk having Tucker Carlson’s audience start to think or investigate in further detail.

They don’t have to, who needs to seriously think about Bernie Sanders if he’s not one of the options for president right now? Tucker Carlson may indeed respect that Bernie earned voters fairly. But that’s not the POINT of the paragraph. The subtext is that Bernie Sanders, unlike Joe Biden, earned things “fairly”. Therefore creating the illusion, or rather reinforcing the already present illusion, that Joe Biden did NOT win voters “Fairly” to his side.

Now if there’s been election fraud or not isn’t what this is about. What this memo is saying, OUTRIGHT, in this paragraph, is: “there’s no way legitimate voters would EVER vote for Joe Biden, so therefore his victory is invalid”

But it’s not saying that OUTRIGHT, because that statement is one far more people would disagree with.

Instead, it’s creating the illusion that Joe Biden is unlikable and a front for corporate interests and using Bernie Sanders as a counterpart to illustrate a “better” example of “the other side”, who just happens to not be challenging to Tucker Carlson or “his side” right now at all.

The truth is LIKELY that if Bernie was up for Election instead, Tucker Carlson would be arguing he was a socialist and never saying a word positive about him. I mean, I can’t PROVE that, which is why I said “likely”, but I really doubt Tucker Carlson would ever praise Bernie Sanders in any other context. Feel free to show me I'm wrong if I am.

This last bit is NOT my favorite part, because it’s so overdone as to be cliché. But it’s necessary for Tucker Carlson to end on, because this way his base gets to feel virtuous for agreeing with him. It’s what I call “The Literary Death of the Martyr”. Let’s read:

“It's insulting to say that Joseph R. Biden won this election, if that is what comes to pass. The tech companies will have won. The big banks will have won. The government of China, the media establishment, the permanent bureaucracy, the billionaire class -- they will have won, and not in the way that democracy promises. If a single person equaled a single vote, a coalition like that could never win anything. There aren't enough of them.

But as a group, they have something that Donald Trump's voters sadly do not have, and that is power. They have lots of power and they plan to wield that power, whether you like it or not. It's all starting to look a lot like oligarchy at this point. The people who believe they should have been in charge all along now may actually be in charge.

So what does that mean for the rest of us? Will corporate America declare victory and back off? Can we speak freely again? Will they take the boot from our necks? Can we have America back now that the Great Orange Emergency has passed? Well, the mandatory lying orders finally be lifted? ”

I hate the phrase “Virtue signaling” with all my heart and soul and mind. But if there was ever a place to use it, this would be it. The ending of Tucker Carlson’s opinion piece is basically a bid for sympathy. Not for Tucker Carlson, but for his BASE to feel sympathetic towards itself. Tucker Carlson is saying that the majority of the American public, which is clearly what all his readers are a part of, are now beholden and enslaved to the Special Interest Groups behind the Joe Biden regime. Tucker Carlson’s readers have “lost” and are now prostrate towards these powers who have usurped control of the United States by getting Joe Biden elected. It’s melodramatic prose and it’s only purpose is to make the reader feel victimized. Like they themselves are the martyr suffering for what is right while sipping their coffee and waking up after a leisurely morning where they slept in and never had to fear about Vikings breaking down the doors of their monasteries and sacking the place. The point I'm trying to make is that GENERALLY we as Americans do not have to worry about being violently assaulted in our own homes by Norse raiders. I THINK. If there have been Norse-related sackings and lootings and slaughters in America in the past 50 years I am ignorant about please let me know so I can start living in fear of the longboats once more.

But seriously, what Tucker Carlson is doing here is using melodrama as a way to give people a brief burst of emotional Righteous Indignation, to make them feel like they’re “in the right” and that “the bad guys have won”. When people feel like the victim, they can use that as justification to DO anything without it being wrong behavior.

It’s a way of getting otherwise good people to justify doing terrible things, and Tucker Carlson is using it here. That's about it. There's probably stuff I've missed in this Opinion Piece, but I think I've demonstrated how writing can be used to manipulate, mislead, and maneuver one's opinion. Please keep in mind that this was meant to be non-partisian. If you are cheering me on for picking on someone from “the other side” you're missing the point. I've got no malice towards conservatives or even Tucker Carlson in general, but I feel like so much more these days we are being manipulated and critical thinking skills are essential for anyone to navigate the news these days. If you disagree with anything I'm saying here or feel I've quoted Tucker Carlson out of context please feel free to let me know. I welcome controversy and expression of ideas over this, even if you decide to tell me I'm a partisian piece of trash. And if you want me to pick apart some clearly DEMOCRATIC propaganda, feel free to suggest some.

[headlesssamurai]

Has everyone asked you about Jupiter Ascending?

@godzillaapproved

Yo, I ought to apologize to you for taking hella long to properly respond to this. It’s holiday season over thisaway, sure, but I ain’t nearly vain enough to assume just anybody gets why that can suck up a dude’s time. Reckon I’m sure there’s tons of national celebrations all over the world I’d never know about otherwise. Bah, I say! Going out and socializing is one of the few things more overrated than all those shitty Apple products. But yeh, in my case it was less the celebratory spirit of holiday festivities and more a sudden spike in workload, so my mental energy was roughed up by that, plus I was doing a new workout at the same time. Thus, whatever free time I had left was spent obsessively hammering away at the Steam sale items I’d recently bought. It’s like a coping mechanism. Well, that and cheap wine anyhow.

Regardless, regardless—holy shit what an obnoxious fucking way for me to open this up—this Ask of yours came at an unusually coincidental time. A friend and I have been meeting up every weekend to watch like semi-recent crappy movies just as a way to enjoy a bad drink and a good laugh. She likes to laugh, and I like to drink, so it works out. After working our way through every Transformers film by Michael Bay, then Cameron’s Avatar, Terminator: Genisys, The Amazing Spider-mans, Spielberg’s Crystal Skull, Ready Player One, and some of the more abysmal DC films, our last escapade into nonsense was the estimably hilarious Gods of Egypt, which reminded me of one of those excremental quicktime-event video games. You know, like Detroit Becomes Human or some shit like that (Oh wait, is it Detroit Coming of the Humans? Meh).

As luck would have it, like, the day before you asked me about it, the next film at which I suggested we take a crack was the Wachowskis’ own Jupiter Ascending, which my friend had not seen at that time. Nor had I, since first viewing it in theaters.

>>SPOILER WARNING: IF YOU CARE ENOUGH TO, UH… YOU KNOW, CARE

I was intrigued to give this movie another go. It’s struck me that I’ve got an odd streak of pleasantly enjoying movies a lot of people can’t seem to stand, or which some people even hate with utter vileness on the verge of hunting down the producers with a roll of duct tape, power tools, jugs of petrol, and a matchbook. I’ve enjoyed, for instance, Hardcore Henry, Elysium, and Joseph Kosinski’s Oblivion, all of which not one person I know in real life could offer a single word of kindness. After my first viewing of Jupiter Ascending, I was left to consider whether or not it was the sort of movie I should enjoy and allow others to hate and disparage, or if it just wasn’t that good. I recalled leaving the theater with a sort of “Hm” sound, and not much else. But given my history with rooting for an underdog, was I wrong? Is this movie actually good, or cool in some way? I couldn’t defy the sensation that I’d missed something.

The answer, it seems, is more complex than a simple yes or no. Then again, as Mason and Goat Han Solo often remind us, “there’s no nuance on the internet”, so even my assertion there about complexity may be in gross error.

For the unfamiliar, Jupiter Ascending is a science fiction tale with vibes of less-cliché aesthetic choices for its visuals, some cool references to UFO conspiracy theories, and aims at a more expansive universe that would no doubt have been further explored in sequels had this film been better received by audiences and critics. I’ll say outright, it’s a disappointment to me that we weren’t given the chance to see more films in this mythology, because there’s some really cool stuff going on in this weird, imaginative universe. The story centers upon the character of Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), an average working-class young woman in Chicago who is shocked to discover not only that aliens exist but that she happens to be the reincarnation of a galaxy owning empress, which entitles Jupiter to ownership of a large portion of the cosmos, the least part of which is Earth itself. But as the Aussies say, something’s a bit suss about the whole affair, and the wondrous glamour of this technologically advanced universe is concurrently party to a dark truth.

An immediately intriguing element of Jupiter Ascending is its attempt to set-up something which, while perhaps greatly inspired by a few other fictional works, is an original property, not a sequel, reboot, adaptation of an existing work, nor a spiritual successor to something else. Rather than merely being intrigued by this fact, I also respect it, because high-concept science fiction films aren’t something a studio likes to go for unless they have a preexisting audience, like adaptations of a book series or something. So it’s always bold when someone can cobble together the resources to really take a chance on something like this, even if it isn’t well received. After all that’s how films like The Matrix, The Terminator, Ridley Scott’s Alien, George Lucas’ Star Wars, and John McTiernan’s Predator come to be in the first place. Another example, I didn’t quite enjoy The Last Witch Hunter, but I recall respecting that film’s risk in its attempt at a new property for similar reasons.

Irrespective of your own personal tastes as a moviegoer and consumer of science fiction, it can’t be denied that the Wachowski’s are measurably talented filmmakers. Their doubtless skill at framing shots, blending effects with reality to present an integrated experience, and choreographing action sequences with such lethal precision it’s always incredible to watch; all of these things can’t be argued, and this attentiveness for the craft is all very present in Jupiter Ascending. Toward the beginning of the movie, there’s an aerial chase sequence that promptly accelerates into one of the most engaging, gripping action sequences in memory, heavily fantastical sci-fi elements intermixed with almost Fast and the Furious levels of insanity. The sense of gripping speed alone as two characters cling to the outer hull of a spacecraft was helplessly intense and left me quite keen to see what else the movie had to offer further down the line.

Additionally we have some awesome art design and stylistic choices regarding the look of this sci-fi universe, both the appearance of aliens and the design of their technology was familiar and unique at the same time. There are beings referred to as “Splices” which are intermixes of humans and various animals, giving some people bestial characteristics which are just weird enough to be cool to me without verging over the edge into absurd territory. There are cybernetic enhancements, gravity boots, phalanx style energy shields, neural synthetic wings, motherfucking jet-bikes of course and, though I never would have dreamed, motherfucking lizardmen! That blew me away, dude. Others may think it’s stupid, but lizardmen are one of my favorite sci-fi/fantasy creatures of all time, and they look so badass in this movie it was unbelievably awesome to realize I was actually seeing a proper lizardfolk on screen. With lizardmen and jet-bikes, Jupiter Ascending quickly marks two-out-of-five on my Generally Awesome Things I Like To See In Science Fiction list. It’s a real list, in my head, I swear.

The starship designs were inspired by art deco architecture in cities like Chicago, lending Jupiter’s cosmos a feeling more of Herbert’s Dune-iverse than something like Star Trek, which I appreciated since we don’t see that type of style quite as much. Top all that off with a fantastic score from Michael Giacchino and you’ve got some great tools to tell an awesome story.

So the thing is, it’s not just skin deep either, while the film does lean heavily on its visuals and action set-pieces, this is a genuinely interesting universe. Michael Bay’s Transformers, for instance, also has cool visuals, some passable action scenes, and dazzling special effects, but is it interesting? The answer is no. Because Bay’s movies, while briefly entertaining, are ultimately hollow. There aren’t any subdermal layers beneath the facade of spectacle. But in Jupiter Aescending there’s clearly something else going on, the touch of true filmmakers for one, yet also the potential for so much more. The groundwork, the craftsmanship and attentiveness is all here. It’s really what they choose to do, or not do, with that potential which ends up disappointing. Not, as in the case of Bay’s movies, the utter lack of potential for greatness from the start.

Though some fandom-card carrying ideologues may acerbically disagree, an acceptably comparable film whose potential for greatness was also mostly wasted for middle-of-the-road mediocrity is the recent Solo: A Star Wars Story, by Disney Interactive– I mean, by Disney behind the appropriated guise of Lucasfilm. Whatever else you think of that film, and while I agree from a mythological standpoint its very existence was in extremely poor taste, the talent, the production value, the mark of the craft was there. None of this was, however, capitalized upon to create anything truly profound. Jupiter Ascending’s unfortunate drawbacks are of a similar form.

I’d like to state emphatically however, I’m not trying to punish the film nor act as its apologist. Reckon I always end up saying this, but I am really just some dude. Sure, I read a lot of books and stuff, but that doesn’t appoint me some grand authority on the subject of fiction. These thoughts I try to convey in my write-ups are meant merely as opinions, framed in the form of investigating the quality of a film or game or whatever. To that end, I’m compelled to side with most folks in that, whatever else its got going for it, there’s some major deficiency holding back Jupiter Ascending from rising to a higher form of entertainment. So if the production values are high, where’s the casus belli all the angry critics are seeing here?

To puzzle that out, we ought first to determine by what criterion a truly good story is shaped. In that regard it’s likely the wisest to begin by reckoning what sort of story we’re dealing with here. Most people are wont to jump straight to the whole Hero’s Journey every dickhead YouTube reviewer read about in some sparknotes book while using the shitter at Barnes & Noble. But Joseph Campbell’s mimetic architecture isn’t the only sort of story that exists, not even in science fiction. Consider, for instance, anything written by H.P. Lovecraft, Darren Aronofsky’s The Fountain, Kubrick and Clarke’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, Jonathan Glazer’s Under The Skin, Philip K. Dick’s various works, Andrei Tarkovsky’s Stalker, Stanisław Lem’s Solaris, Alex Garland’s Ex Machina, or Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar. These stories, while very sci-fi in their scope and measure, are far more introspective, and very contemplative when contrasted against fiction of the more traditional heroic adventure genre. Hell, even Paul Verhoeven’s Starship Troopers while appearing a mindless war movie on its surface is fundamentally a cautionary allegory. While conquering adversity is certainly a theme of its own within each of these stories, the breadth of that adversity’s effect on the narrative varies wildly, as well as the nature of adversity each character must face. Other heavier components, like displacement, post-humanism, philosophical allegory, are also usually present in such stories.

All of this likely seems a bit excessive to point out, but I promise it’ll get relevant later. But, uh… yeh. The next time some liberal arts asshat tries to tell you there’s only one real way a story can go, you can be safely justified in telling them to get bent. I mean read, yeh, tell them to read more shit, and watch more movies. That’d probably be more productive. But also tell them to get bent, the fuckers.

There can also, however, be stories that blend styles. The 2004 rebrand of Battlestar Galactica incorporates several philosophical elements, self-reflective, and meditative thematic ideas into its narrative of what would otherwise be a fairly standard science fiction conflict in outer space. The Wachowskis’ own The Matrix is a perfect example of a classic hero’s journey which also incorporates introspective themes into its lore, plot, and mythology, wherein the internal conflict of the protagonist is just as important as whatever external adversity he is meant to overcome. Where Battlestar Galactica 2004 uses its thematic material to craft a sci-fi adventure story, The Matrix uses a sci-fi adventure story to explore its thematic material. Seen in that light, I think the Wachowskis wanted Jupiter Ascending to have similar weight to its narrative, but they ended up recycling a sort of “human harvest” idea already seen in The Matrix (and arguably done in a more engaging way).

Jupiter Jones herself is a catalyst for an inter-familial conflict within a wealthy interstellar hierarchy. Though alien races do exist, the most dangerous aliens happen to be humans themselves, extraterrestrial humans of course. In Jupiter’s universe, it turns out that the wealthy and powerful have the ability to live forever (an idea also explored in the Neftlix adaptation Altered Carbon), but only by seeding countless worlds with humans, then harvesting these humans like crops and breaking these millions of people down into a sort of primordial youth serum by which the lives of the affluent may be extended.

Advanced genetics in Jupiter’s universe are the highest form of technology, and it is stated in all the cosmos the most sought-after resource is time. This is the reason these advanced humans out among the stars are able to splice human and animal genes, essentially creating entirely new races, and the reason why Jupiter herself is seen as a reincarnation of a woman who once owned countless stars and planets. Genes, to the wealthy and powerful, have a near spiritual significance. Jupiter is referred to as a Recurrence, a person who is long dead but whose gene-print inconceivably reappears in someone who is born centuries or even millennia later. This is seen as a near miracle, and thus is recognized by interstellar law as a legitimate reincarnation, giving this new person the same rights and privileges, and inheriting all the property previously held by the deceased person whose gene print they share.

And that’s where the conflict comes up. Jupiter is sought out by three siblings of the Abrasax family, one of the most elite and powerful families in the universe, of which she is the reincarnation of their mother and thus entitled to re-inherit all of their resources and capital which they currently control. The kids are Kalique (Tuppence Middleton), the well-to-do, but compassionate one, Titus (Douglas Booth), the more two-faced of the three who acts innocent but is clever as a viper, and Balem (Eddie Redmayne), the stereotypical villain of the piece who seems to have nervous ticks and an inability to raise his voice above a certain octave except in times of extreme stress. Of course, since Jupiter’s now meant to control everything they currently own, none of the three Abrasax kids can be fully trusted. Jupiter doesn’t have to face these three one-percenters alone however. She is accompanied by Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) an ex-soldier and wolf-splice, known as a Lycantant, who is hired by Titus to safely retrieve Jupiter from Earth before his siblings can get to her. Caine’s former commanding officer, a bee-splice known as Stinger (Sean Bean) also appears from time to time, as well as officers of the Aegis, an interstellar law enforcement agency.

If you are having a hard time following the characters here, it’s probably because there just isn’t much to any of the characters other than what I’ve already written about them. And therein lies the primary flaw with this film. The characters aren’t interesting, and the greater tragedy is that the characters are written to be uninteresting. Where a ton of care and attention went into crafting the look, feel and depth of the wider universe acting as the story’s setting, the characters within this story are criminally underwritten.

Earlier, I went to great lengths to illustrate the wealth of variety throughout genres of science fiction, just how many different types of stories we might get within this narrative framework. The purpose of explaining all of that to such a degree was meant to show you that not everything has to follow the same narrative flow. Sometimes stories can be more abstract, less character driven, less action heavy. In that regard, a story exemplar like Blade Runner doesn’t really need to have strongly written characters because the interpersonal aspects of its journey are less important than its atmospheric setting and stylistic momentum. The gravitas comes from a different place than in stories which are more character driven.

However, if a story does want to give us something more conventional, then it’s extremely important that the characters are strongly defined, well established and, even if not likable, at the very least interesting. Though a bit out of this wheelhouse, Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby is notorious for featuring a dramatis personae of terribly vain, horrible sociopaths, but many of these characters are still written in a way that makes them interesting. Jupiter Ascending fashions itself as an epic space opera, a stylized adventure journey which goes from scrubbing toilets in Irving Park to rocketing through a wider spectacular galaxy. Within that story structure, the characters need to be given their proper attention, especially the protagonist. Only, this is not the case with this movie. In fact in Jupiter Ascending, the characters almost appear as afterthoughts, which is most unfortunate.

Despite being the protagonist’s love interest, Caine seems to have been given the most depth, as a literal lone-wolf personality, an orphan of a sort, a former soldier disgraced for an act of savagery, who longs to regain his military status as a Skyjacker, and was sprung from a prison called Deadland to rescue Jupiter from the clutches of filthy rich egomaniacs, a class of people he seems to utterly despise. Yet even Caine’s various portions of characterization are never fully explored, and he mostly serves as a vehicle to come dashing in and pluck Jupiter out of trouble over and over again. Secondary characters, other than Stinger (more on him later), are hardly there other than to function as a taxi service or exposition dump where appropriate, which is a shame since some of them have a great look but nothing else going on in the writing department to make them memorable. The Abrasax siblings are basically three different flavors of the same smug Soylent privilege, though Kalique seems to exist only to explain things for the benefit of the audience, and Balem seems to be accidentally memorable thanks to Eddie Redmayne’s unusual performance. Titus has some cool psychotic vibes with his underhanded motivations, slippery silver tongued bastard that he is, but even his role as the trickster doesn’t get its due in the end.

Stinger, Caine’s former commanding officer who is now an Aegis Marshal, is also written slightly deeper than even the Abrasax siblings. He took the fall for Caine’s misstep in the military, so he also lost his wings and was disgraced for it. Despite this, he is willing to help Caine and Jupiter throughout the story, and though begrudged he seems genuinely good at heart. Stinger’s point of interest however comes from his traits as a Splice between human and bee DNA. Yes, this leads to a funny line of dialogue, but there are some great examples of show-don’t-tell with Stinger, in that having bee instincts he seems superhumanly able to anticipate motion and react to it ridiculously quickly compared to most people. This ability gives him an edge in everything from fistfights to navigating massive fields of hunter-killer mines. This is hardly important to the plot, but I thought it was cool since it’s never stated outright, just displayed through his actions. Another example of a great idea that’s mostly left adrift.

Jupiter herself starts out as a typical protagonist for a Hero’s Journey. She’s a Jewish Russian immigrant who leads an unglamorous life cleaning bathrooms and tidying fancy homes for her family’s housekeeping service, apparently has bad luck with romance, and hardly ever has time to really do anything she enjoys. Typically, once these elements are presented, there will also be a revelation of something more intimate about the protagonist, her dreams and ambitions, something she longs to one day achieve, her hobbies or personality, perhaps a personal drawback or fear she wishes to overcome. But the most we get about Jupiter is that she wants to buy back a telescope which was once stolen from her astronomer father by the same thieves who murdered him (which we see early in the movie in an awkwardly directed scene). It’s not made clear if Jupiter herself has a genuine interest in astronomy, nor even what any of her interests happen to be.

This becomes a recurring problem throughout the film. Since no real internal conflict or personality of any kind is established for Jupiter, she isn’t led through any personal journey or self-exploration, nor anything which allows her to grow or evolve as the narrative opens up and accelerates. She’s basically just along for the ride, one of those wrong place wrong time sort of things. Her journey is entirely surface level, external forces dragging her around the stars without her having any real say in the matter nor agency of her own. She as very little idea of what she wants or who she is, from what we can tell, because we have no idea of those things either. Mila Kunis does a fine job with the material she’s given, but the material just isn’t much to run with, and if there is a drawback to her performance as an actress I promise in this case the fault is not with her.

The terrible lack of characterization hurts everything in the movie from its ethical conceits, plot momentum, all the way up to the romance subplot which only feels forced and lacking chemistry because the two leads aren’t properly written. They could have had chemistry, but its difficult for archetypes to interact without endowing them with personality. It’s a fundamental flaw from which all other flaws of the film stem because the personality, the character of the protagonist in this type of story is a fundamental element from which many other elements of the story stem.

Even towards the end, when Jupiter is forced into dangerous heroics and aggressive bravery it doesn’t feel like much of anything because for all we know she was brave all along, or maybe she wasn’t. We’re never given the chance to find out. Her larger moment of heroism comes not in a violent action of conquering the badguy (though she does beat him with a pipe later... in self-defense of course), but in refusing to compromise to Balem’s ultimatum, either resign her ownership of Earth or allow Balem to murder her family. It’s interesting to note that instead of rocking up and blowing his head off with a blaster, she just tells him to get fucked, which is a cool idea, non-violent protagonists are few and far between. Though the climax would have been far more satisfying had we gotten to know Jupiter much better before she gets to this point. Ultimately, the lack of strong characters make the progression of the movie feel awkward, and the denouement seems to come out of nowhere. It’s really too bad, since many facets of this film’s setup seemed to bear promise, and it’s more tragic than infuriating, leaving an audience with a countenance more in sorrow than in anger.

Like Jupiter herself, thematic elements are also only half-explored. The idea that genetics have advanced to such a point that life-regeneration has become a reality within this star-spanning civilization (albeit a reality exclusively available to the filthy, insanely wealthy) is an interesting idea, and there’s a lot of potential for the ethical quandaries related to that sort of technology, and what makes it possible. Yet little of this is given attention beyond the horror of Jupiter discovering the Abrasax family regularly kills billions of people for longevity and profit. Is their life-extending operation the only one out there? Or is it an industry? Are there black market dealers who develop and trade their own youth serum off the books? It’s all kind of muddy and little of it is given any explanation or nuance.

As we’ve established, Campbell’s hero’s journey isn’t the only way to go about a sci-fi story, but in Jupiter Ascending it’s like half-started without any of the follow-through, and the characters which should be the heart of the story are greatly lacking any depth. The film’s been compared to a Disney-style princess story, and even references Cinderella at one point, though it does seem to be aiming higher than this. Yet, the lackluster character writing and flat dialogue all make the story somewhat impotent, whatever its aim, leaving the movie looking like a majestically beautiful gild-feathered eagle, which just happens to be blind. Fun to look at, but has absolutely no idea where it’s going. I can’t articulate enough what a shame this all is, since there really are some cool ideas and sci-fi content here. I truly wish, as a sci-fi enthusiast, that Jupiter was truly able to ascend.

I’d recommend it as a fun romp through an intriguing galaxy, but it’s more useful as an example of how to get everything right with a movie, everything other than the thing that really holds it all together: a well-written protagonist. Still, I’m no intersectionalist, but it’s nice to see the girl get the guy at the end of the story, the way guy protagonists get to get the girl at the end of all their stories. That was a pleasant feeling, even if it wasn’t quite earned with everything come before it. Plus, you know; lizardmen, and jet-bikes. The Wachowskis are generally great at what they do though, just maybe have a tough time channeling it. Here’s hoping they can get back to us with something truly badass in future because the level of commitment to the craft seen in this movie is extraordinary, even if the reach exceeds the grasp in this particular case. 

                     侍    headless                                     

[slifers-executive-writer]

A Overall Discussion About Godzilla: King of the Monsters 2019.

It has been awhile since I wrote an original piece on my blog, and while I’ve stated this is mostly for my writing and anime fandom, I cannot help but include one of my other passions. That is of course the movies. One topic that has been going around the internet lately is the potential flop that is Godzilla:KOTM 2019. I will put it out there right now, that while this movie isn’t doing as good as I would like, I’m sure it will make its money back and I certainly don’t think it is a flop. But my main reason for writing this particular discussion is to clear the air about where this film stands. I’ve been hearing a lot of reviews both top critical and various Youtubers complain about this thing and my overall observation is a lot of them claim to ‘like’ Godzilla and yet clearly don’t understand a goddamn thing.

A very similar thing happened with Detective Pikachu. Both movies not scoring that great on Rotten Tomatoes and overall critic/Youtuber reception being very mixed, yet the general audience seemed to enjoy both summer blockbusters. Both films suffered from a lot of ‘reviewers’ not doing even the smallest amount of research on source material before opening their big angry mouths and complaining why certain characters or concepts weren’t included.  

And example complaint on these films were:

Detective Pikachu: wHeRe Is TeAm RoCkeT?

Godzilla KOTM: wHy ArEn’T tHeRe OtHeR tOhO mOnStErS?

Yes these were real complaints.

Now in all honesty, I know neither of these movies are masterpieces as in terms of depth of plot or character arcs. If I had to choose one, I would definitely say it terms of the human elements, Detective Pikachu was a much better film. So I am fully aware that these flicks are complete nostalgia pandering hunks of cheese. 

And yet I still found myself enjoying both films to the point where I clapped at the end. The same way almost everyone and their grandmother did for the Avengers. So what is it about this hot garbage making so many people flock to the theaters multiple times to see them?

It’s the simple fact that we have had these Japanese properties in our lives for several decades. Pokemon (1998) & Godzilla (1954). If anyone grew up on either of these or both (such as myself) then we know that as long as these Americanized films are a loads of fun, we can forgive the lazy messy plots. But perhaps that is why these movies aren’t what we all wish they could be...because they are created on American soil. 

You see unfortunately, Hollywood has been in one of the most non-creative/reboot mayhem crisis I’ve ever witnessed. Big corporate studios have to pump out as many safe reboot/non original IPs as possible and it seems to have lost most it’s writing talent as well. If certain directors and producers aren’t behind a project, then the adapted movie (such those inspired by anime and other foreign film franchises) probably won’t have much substance. Not to mention Western filmmakers and our critics don’t seem to fully understand the culture shock of the growing popularity in these Japanese properties. Nor do they understand the appeal of these features, hence all the negative/angry reviews. We have seen this time and time again. And it is nothing new.

Now let’s get back to Godzilla: KOTM. It was a fun ride no doubt. The CGI was incredible, and with certain recent Marvel and DC films, this is a mark a lot of those films miss. So thank Godzilla that our beloved kaijus and other effects looked gorgeous. The cinematography for the monsters was also done very well. There are plenty of moments where we truly understand the grand size of these creatures. Overall the fights were awesome and mind numbing. And the music, oh my god the scoring was incredible. Done by Bear McCreary, who did the recent God of War installation did our Kaiju King a great service. Paying homage to classic Godzilla themes was the perfect icing on the cake. So what was the big complaint? 

Lol These dumbasses. The people in any robot/kaiju/creature feature seem to be the hardest thing directors cannot figure out no matter how hard they try. But let us admit that we as viewers are pretty hypocritical in this argument. On one hand we ask for a shit ton of monster brawls and on the other hand, we complain their are too many explosions and that the effect wears off after a while. We want human stories and then we complain that they are in the movie at all. Godzilla KOTM by no means has a good human story. Some moments with the military and Ken Watanabe were fine, but the idiots in the images above this movie did not need...like at all. I especially hated the father and mother figures. Like yeah Eleven (Milly Bobby Brown), I would run the fuck away too. I’m not excusing the writers for the shitty human plot, I’m just explaining as to why we still suffer from this problem. However, if you are a fan of the Godzilla franchise, you know for a majority of the films, the human plot is not much better than what we see here. Maybe that was Michael Dougherty’s point. He claimed that this was the ultimate film for Godzilla fans and quite frankly, maybe he is right.

Aside from the very first film (Gojira 1954), the human elements of these films were always lack luster, silly, and even forced. Yet so many people are quick to judge our American filmmakers for ruining what ‘only the Japanese can do right’ and in all honesty I’ve never heard such a false statement. The image above is from one of my favorites, Godzilla 2000. Japan’s fuck you to the terrible 1998 film. But when watching this, did you really care about this guy, his daughter, and his dumbass girlfriend. Or the scientists and their anime-esque villain. The answer is probably no. In any of these kaiju films, very rarely do we ‘really’ care about the people. We just want to see the action. The plots are always, cliche, predictable, and stuffing in some bullshit environmental awareness message. Nukes are bad and people suck. But we love Godzilla (practically a walking nuke) anyway. 

Godzilla KOTM, is the same shit we’ve seen before only with American styled editing and tropes. So lots of quick cuts and a focus on the family unit. But hey the special effects are so much better than anything we have seen previously. I don’t have to laugh when I see wires and crappy green screen, or using the same footage from a previous movie. Nope. All our favorite kaijus are in beautiful IMAX quality and are ready to wreck cities worldwide. This is the film fans asked for and we got it. Oh and before the next person complains that the Japanese can only do it better, here is what was done before this.

We got Evangelion Goji with AIDs and CG Tree Goji with Ramen Noddles Ghidorah. While Shin Godzilla was a masterpiece over seas, if you didn’t understand the political subtext, then this film was an angsty destructive ride by a guy who can’t even finish his own art thesis of an anime. (I totally don’t have mixed feelings over Evangelion lol). I didn’t hate Shin Godzilla. It had its moments, but I didn’t think it held the same power of the film it was trying to emulate. Not to mention the CGI and sound design at points were just dreadful. As for the Netflix anime Godzilla trilogy...just wow. Aside from loving the physical design of this new Goji and his new powers, this story was worse than awful, it was downright boring. Even hardcore Godzilla fans had a hard time defending this mess of bad CG. With a promise of multiple featured kaiju and Mecha Godzilla, we get a hunk of nano metal and the only other kaiju actually featured looking like a pack of Maruchan coming down to like ...basically have a staring contest with Godzilla and then evaporate. What a fight for the ages...

In conclusion, I’m not sure if and when either Japan or American will ever truly get it right. We may like certain aspects of one film but hate the rest of it and the cycle will continue on and on. But as far as KOTM goes, I’m happy it exists and hope it does well enough for Legendary to renew its licenses with Toho. I and many others just want Godzilla in the roster and to continue the legacy. Something for future generations of children and adults to enjoy the romping monsters and hear their iconic roars. We can’t let this current toxic and hating Internet culture bitch and complain about concepts and niche cultures it doesn’t fully understand. Like the anime community, the Godzilla fandom is a unique one and has a niche audience. But perhaps like what the Marvel movies have done for comic book fans, the exclusion will lessen over time and become more mainstream. But for now, Godzilla KOTM is meant for a particular group of people and it seems for that bunch, it has made them plenty happy. Myself included. 

So what are your thoughts on this movie and others like?

Feel free to share your comments, reblogs, and however else you would like to respond down below. 

[crazyfreckledginger]

Q&A

Thank you to those who have asked questions, y’all are awesome!! It also means the world to me that we got this far! 80k you guys oh my god! You guys brighten my day I love and appreciate every single one of you!

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Everywhere! I want to visit every 

Which Robin is your personal favorite?

Oh no you didn’t! 😂 I can’t really choose, but I know my least favourite is Tim! (Sorry timmy!) But Dick, Jay and Dami are my boys!

Do you like to read? And if so, do you have a favorite book or series? / favorite book?

I like to read fanfiction, does that count? 😂 But as books, I love ‘Finding Audrey’ by Sophie Kinsella and ‘Everything, Everything’ by Nicola Yoon

What got you into the batboys?/  How did you develop interest in the batfamily?

I have absolutely no idea! Oh, no, actually, I think I saw an imagine on Tumblr a year ago and just started reading fanfiction about it!

Outside the Batfamily, who is your favorite superhero (or superheroes)?

Wanda Maximoff, Pietro Maximoff, Peter Parker Laura Kinney and Logan Howlett! 

do you considere the robin's similar to peter Parker??

Yes, especially Tim!

How to you get inspiration for your one-shots?/  What inspired you to start writing? / What made you want to start writing? What do you do to get inspiration in writing?/ What is your motivation or drive? 

Before I started requests, I just had an accumulation of random stories in my head and had to write them out, now, most things. Sometimes it’s because of dreams, movie I watch with interesting scenes or plot twists, books or general ideas that just pop into my head, sometimes it’s also ‘what if’ type questions, if that makes sense.   

If your favorite batboy died,  how would you feel?

TeRiRbIE, probably mourning for the rest of my life lol.

Young justice season 3?

HELL YEAH DICK IS HAWT AF OMG

What's your favourite food?/ Favorite Food, 

Indian and Mexican food for life!

What do you like the most about your fave batboy?

EVERYTHING, MY BOYS ARE PRECIOUS

Do you think the rumor about Damian being Jason's son is true?

I didn’t hear about this before but nope, I mean how even?? 😂 Like, in most universes, the age gap between the two is between 10 to 14 years, how- I don’t- no, and besides, they come from a completely different background and I don’t know where this is from but it’s always going to be a no in my heart! 

Can you relate to any of the batboys?

All of them! I’ll generalise a lot because this might turn into an essay otherwise lmao.

Damian for his love of animals and hating people in general. Tim for the lack of sleep.  Jason is me tbh. Dick loves puns and jokes as much as I do.

Are Bruce and your father alike?

Kind of?

What's your favourite T.V show?

Sons Of Anarchy, Friends, The Vampire Diaries and Good Girls

Are you looking forward to Titans on October 18th?

I have mixed feelings about it, I’m happy they are making a live action Dick and Jason but it looks really bad, I’m still going to keep an open mind though!

Jason and Artemis or Kori and Dick?

Kori and Dick, I don’t seen Jason and Artemis’ relationship as more than friends, I don’t know what happened in RHATO, which is funny how I keep talking about the comics since I magically have never read any of them??? 

Thoughts on Redhood's transformation In Redhood the Outlaw?

I want my Jaybird hair back. I’m oKaY with the new design but I adore the old design!

Cookies: Alfred or M'gann?

Alfred’s (that was a tough one though!)

Is Brenton Thwaites good enough to be Robin in the upcoming series?

I don’t know! I’ve never really had a good face claim for Dick so I’m going to keep an open mind about it. He’d better had a nice bubble butt though!

Jason's gun or Dick's eskrimas?

Ughh this is haaard! Maybe Dick’s eskrima sticks.

Talia or Selena?

Selena

Poison ivy or Harley Quinn?

Harley Quinn

If you were in DC universe and you will be able to make a crossover it will be with?: Marvel, Transformers, Supernatural

Marvel or Transformers!!

Do you like birdflash?

I only see them as bros but I respect people’s choice of shipping them together!

Besides Batman what other fandoms are you into ?

Marvel, Sons Of Anarchy, Transformers, Stranger Things, Good Girls, From Dusk Till Dawn, The Vampire Diaries and loads more!

What’s your most liked story on wattpad

This one lmao (batboys x reader)

Do you like voltron  if so who’s your favorite paladin

I don’t watch Voltron, sorry, the fandom is insane and scary on Tumblr (without wanting to generalise) . I’ve tried watching an episode but I just can’t seem to get into it!

Will  you take request in the future Not that I’m asking for one I’m just curious I love your writing style

Aw thanks! 🙈 That’s so sweet of you. And yes of course!! I just closed them because I didn’t know when I would be able to have a reliable amount of time to write, I’m opening them soon hopefully! :)

Favorite movie of all time/  What's your favorite movie and why?

Logan, the FeElS, plus my girl Laura plus my man Donald Pierce is in it.

The Dark Knight (the one with Bane and The Joker) both villains are extremely intimidating and Nolan was able to portray them in an extremely terrifying way whilst keeping us on edge for the whole movies! True masterpieces.

Also Tomb Raider because kick some ass queen omg.

favorite character characters

DONALD PIERCE, Wanda Maximoff, Pietro Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Laura Kinney, Dick Grayson, Wally West, Roy Harper, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne among so so many others.

favorite (video) game, 

Outlast and Until Dawn! 

Do you have/wish to have any pets? 

Yes I have had a bunch! Three rabbits, a sheep and a goat! I wish I’d have a cat though!

How would you describe your clothing style? 

Comfortable and tries to be at least a little stylish lol

Any artists/celebs You look up to? 

Not really no, I’ve never really looked up to anyone.

What kind of music do you like? 

Pop, Classical not the Mozart type of classical.

Do You have any "rituals" regarding your writing process? 

Yes! If it’s a series, I write the whole plot down on a book with details and elements that I want included. I keep it besie me to be sure I follow the plot whislt writing it.

Since I write in the evening, if there’s a one shot request that I lack inspiration about, I write something else and think of a plot when I’m in bed before i go to sleep. It really helps be get the requests written and in the queue. 

I normally sit in front of my TV, catching up on my series or something and just write. I don’t really have a ritual other than this!

Favourite cartoon?

Young Justice ayyye!

If you were to choose your own name, what would it be? 

I’ve never really thought about it, I don’t know, I like my name! 

But I really like Kia or *gasp* Sam. Not Samantha but just Sam.

Favourite mythical creature? 

Griffin, phenix and dragons!

What language do you wish to speak? 

Italian and Spanish!

Any lucky items/superstisions?

A tiger’s eye necklace my cousin gave me three years ago, I wear it everyday! If you could be any animal, real or mythical, what would you be? 

A tiger, an eagle or a griffin. I can’t choose lol!

Do you think you'd survive in a post apocalyptic world? 

Maybe? I mean I feel like I would be smart enough but I saw World War Z and dying is better than surviving with traumatic experiences running through your head 24/7!

Where would you go for a dream vacation? 

Everywhere! I want to visit the world!

If a genie granted you 3 wishes, what would you wish for? (No wishing for more wishes lol) 

DANG IT! 

1. That everyone should have a different perspective so that they can realise how bad the world is becoming and to change that.

2. Appreciation of every single being on the planet that sexual orientation does not matter in a relationship and that, no matter what you consider yourself, that society accepts you no matter what.

3. That everyone becomes the best person they can possibly be. We could conquer the world!

Do you prefer rain or sun? 

RAIN!

Do you like thunderstorms? 

Hell yeah!

Are you good at puzzles? 

Depends which ones, generally yes. Depending on my mood, I can be very stubborn and finish it and sometimes I’m going to be screw it I give up lol!

What do you enjoy most about life? 

My mutuals, happiness, fraternity, you guys and a few other things I’m sure (can’t remember)

What's your favorite fictional world? (DC, Marvel, Shadowhunters, etc) 

DC, Marvel, Transformers and the 10 year old in me says Narnia as well!

What do you think happens after we die? 

I feel like you’d come back as a different person. I’ve always wanted to believe that you’d become an animal but I have no idea!

If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Indian food!!

Do you like to dance? 

Yes but alone! I’m horrible at dancing!

Where do you feel most comfortable/safe? 

With my best friend! Or at home!

What's something that always makes you smile? 

My mutuals, your comments they seriously make my day a little brighter.

Are you good at gardening? 

Nope I don’t like it either!

What's your preferred footwear? 

Sneakers if that’s what it’s called!

Favorite flower?

Roses!

What fills up your heart to bursting level? 

Kitties and puppies! 😍 Also anything including helping people or animals together and/or animals with their owners.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? 

Opening up to someone, showing my feelings and emotions and getting out there to make friends. I haven’t had the best childhood.

What’s your favorite poem or saying? 

“Hope for the Best, Plan for the Worst”

And most importantly: do you think we'll ever see good writing again in DC for our favorite characters?

I really hope so, the writers are becoming more and more despised. Only DC fans hate DC on a completely different level of hatred lmao.

What'd you think of Heath Ledger's Joker?

Terrifying. heath Ledge did a fine good job at portraying someome that puts that unsettling feeling in your gut. Every one of his scenes are iconic. The best Joker so far in my opinion. 

whO rAnKs NumBer TwO iN "Batboys with a fresh booty" since we all know dick ranks number one

Hmmmm, 

Conclusion...

That’s a very cute tushy if you ask me!

[not my pics]

what do you think about Erik Lehnsherr and Stephen Strange?

I’m not particularly attacted to Erik but I know he’s misunderstood and I understand why he’s so loveable by many people in the X-Men fandom. But he’s just not my type of guy.

Stephen Strange is badass and a sass master and no one can convince me otherwise. He’s an awesome character.

what would your perfect date with Donnie (Donald Pierce) be like?

Ohhh, going to the movies and then just hanging out somewhere nice, talking and laughing and then ordering takeaway and cuddling up on the couch whilst watching Netflix ahhh! 🙈

[noblecrumpet-dorkvision]

Archery!!

As is my sacred duty as a homebrewer, it's time to needlessly overcomplicate an established mechanic to add more decisions and strategy to the game! These variant arrows and bows are meant to force characters to think more strategically about their positioning and the types of weapons they use against their opponents.

Variant Bows

I have changed the existing statistics for ranged weapons to encourage their intended usage. The existing rules for range and damage remain in place except where written. I also added two new ranged weapons: the repeating crossbow and the composite bow.

Longbow: The purpose of the longbow is distance, especially in a tall arc as in the longbowmen in the Battle of Agincourt. While it is possible, it is more difficult to fight in cramped space and without access to that tall arc. Moreover, fighting while mounted and trying to get that high arc is near impossible. My new longbow rewards you for your distance offering heightened damage from its time falling through the sky. It also punishes you for using the longbow for close or mounted combat.

A creature has disadvantage when firing the longbow at a target within 30 ft. or less or when mounted. When firing beyond the normal range (thus with disadvantage), if you have a high enough ceiling (outdoors or else height equal to the distance fired), you deal +1d8 damage on a hit.

Shortbow: The shortbow, in contrast with the longbow, is designed for closer combat and horseback (as in Parthian tactics and Mongolian cavalry archers). For this new shortbow I give a bonus for using it as intended, and an additional debuff for sniping from long range.

A creature has -1 to attack rolls made with a shortbow at a target more than 80 ft. away. A creature firing a shortbow at a target within 30 ft. grants the attacker +2 to the attack roll.

Light/Heavy Crossbow: Crossbows have immense power at the expense of loading time and lower range of accuracy. Moreover, simple peasant militia can use a crossbow but not necessarily aim it very well. My version of the crossbow deals double the damage but takes an entire action to reload, so it can only be fired every other round. Yes this means crossbows lose out on a bit of DEX damage but that simulates the lack of accuracy. Moreover, critting with the crossbow becomes far deadlier as it will now deal 4 damage dice. I did not change Hand Crossbows as they are probably a bit easier to reload and this might give rogues a little TOO much burst with an Assassin's auto crit.

The light and heavy crossbow deals two dice of damage but takes 1 action to reload before it can be fired again.

Repeating Crossbow: A new weapon that acts like a light crossbow but without any loading restrictions. The real-life counterpart to the repeating crossbow was easier to load and draw but had significantly less power and accuracy behind it. It basically fired as quickly as you could pull back the drawstring until it locks, aim, then release the trigger; the new bolt would fall into place on its own. The repeating crossbow costs 50 gp (A regular light crossbow would cost 25 gp).

A Repeating Crossbow is a light crossbow that does not require an action to reload, but each attack beyond the first imparts a cumulative -1 penalty to attack and damage rolls. The magazine of ammunition holds 20 bolts before it must be reloaded, which takes an action.

Composite Bow: Another new weapon that has extra resistance by being made from a variety of materials that allows you make a stronger draw to put extra power behind your shot. I simulated this by letting you add all or some of your STR to the damage if you have any. Making a short or longbow into a composite bow adds 25 gp to the cost times its grade. So a +3 Composite Shortbow would cost 100 gp (25 gp + (25x3) gp).

Shortbows and longbows can both be built as composite bows. composite bows come in several grades: +1, +2, +3, and +4. If your STR modifier is at least equal to the grade of the composite bow, you may add an amount equal to the composite bow's grade to the damage of the attack. Otherwise, you have disadvantage on attacks made with the composite bow.

Arrowheads

There are many different arrowheads used for historically different purposes. These are meant to be very minor bonuses for specific purposes, namely piercing armor or dealing damage to unarmored creatures. These arrows with custom arrowheads can be purchased at any fletcher for the same price as regular arrows. Assume that regular arrowheads are triangle-shaped (-1 to damage) to balance these babies out against it.

Square/Bodkin: Meant for piercing heavy armor. +1 to attack rolls against creatures in medium or heavy armor or against creatures that have an AC of 18 or higher.

Flat/Broadhead: Not as good as bodkins for piercing armor but deals more damage to less armored foes. +1 to damage against creatures in light armor or no armor.

Round/Conical: No armor piercing properties or barbs, this was meant for slowing down enemies. Creatures hit have their movement speed reduced by 5 until your next turn.

Double-Point: Although it is often described as a rope cutter, it was unlikely that this arrowhead was used to cut sails and ropes. It is speculated, and I believe more likely, that these were used to induce great pain in horses to cause them to rear or rout. Most arrows would, like a paper cut, go unnoticed by such a large creature until later. This arrow causes great pain at the downside of being less precise. This arrowhead gives -1 to attack rolls but when it deals damage to a creature, the creature’s movement speed is reduced by 5 ft. until your next turn. If the creature is a beast, it must make a DC 13 CON saving throw or become frightened until your next turn.

Specific Arrows

Unique arrows that are nonmagical but can be used to great effect in the right circumstances.

Explosive: 100 gp. An arrow loaded to create a spark and ignite alchemical black powder stored within. The arrow deals 3d6 bludgeoning damage to the target hit (no piercing damage). Each creature in a 5-ft. radius of the target must make a DC 14 DEX saving throw. On a failed save, the creature takes 3d6 bludgeoning damage. Creatures that succeed at their saving throw take half this much damage.

Fire Arrows: 5 gp. A caged arrowhead allows for flammable materials to be contained within. The arrow itself only deals 1d4 piercing damage instead of the bow’s regular damage as it is ill-suited for anything other than fire-starting. Creatures in a 5-foot space take 1d10 fire damage at the start of their turn if caught in that space. The fire spreads to other flammable objects or spaces at a rate of 5 ft. per round.

Acid Arrow: 30 gp. An arrow with a glass vessel meant to break on impact. Deals 1d4 acid damage in addition to its normal damage. Could also hold similar liquids like holy water or alchemist's fire

Grappling: 10 gp. A cord secured to an arrow. If this arrow hits, the target has a rope attached to them and can only move radially or closer to its point of origin (assuming the rope is held or attached to something). The creature can deal 1d10 damage to itself and spend an action to tear the arrow out.

Magic Bows

There really aren't too many magic archery items in the Dungeon Master's Guide besides Oathbow, Quiver of Ehlonna, and an Arrow of Slaying... so I added some more! Also be sure to check out my magic arrows from Ranger Week on my blog (they are under Magical Missiles)

Seeking Bow: Rare. This bow shoots around corners and other obstacles to seek out its target. Creatures defended by anything short of total cover do not add the AC bonus granted by cover to their AC.

Spelltouch Bow: Very Rare. Imparts some spells onto its ammunition. Whenever you hit a creature with an attack using the Spelltouch Bow, you may cast any spell that requires a melee spell attack using your bonus action. The spell automatically affects the attacked creature as if the melee spell attack succeeded. You must still expend spell slots for spells cast this way as normal. Cantrips such as Shocking Grasp are cast as if you are 1st level, regardless of what level you are.

Phasing Bow: Very Rare. Ammunition fired by the Phasing Bow passes through nonliving matter until it either hits a mass of nonliving matter at least 5-ft. thick or hits living matter. In this way, it can travel through shields, armor, and thin walls but not thick walls or other creatures. Ranged attacks made using the Phasing Bow ignore non-magic and non-DEX-based AC modifiers. Magic armor reacts as normal, but in most other circumstances a creature's AC becomes 10 + their DEX modifier only.

Duplicating Bow: Very Rare. The Duplicating Bow fires a duplicate arrow for each arrow fired from it. Whenever you make a ranged attack using a Duplicating Bow, you may make one additional attack against a creature within range.

Aquatic Bow: Uncommon. The Aquatic Bow ignores water resistance. You can fire arrows from this bow while underwater at no penalty. You may also fire this bow into a body of water from outside of it at no penalty.

Cupid's Bow: Legendary. A creature hit by this +2 shortbow must make a DC 16 WIS saving throw or become Charmed by the attacker for 1 hour. Attacking a creature charmed by Cupid's Bow (even with the Bow again) allows the creature to make a new saving throw, breaking the charm on a successful save. A creature that resists the charm effect becomes immune to the effects of Cupid's Bow for 24 hours.

Bow of the Medusa: Uncommon. Creatures hit by the Bow of Medusa have their movement speed reduced by 10 ft. until the start of your next turn. Creatures reduced to 0 HP by an attack from the Bow of Medusa turn to stone and cannot be resurrected by any means until a Greater Restoration or similar spell is cast upon them to remove the petrification.

Lightning Bow: Rare. When you make a ranged attack with the Lightning Bow, your attacks deal +1d6 damage and all damage is dealt as lightning damage. You may repress this effect (losing the bonus damage in the process) with a simple command word.

[proven-paradox]

In which I yell about 5E Ranger animal companions.

So, I’m working on writing four new sorcerer origins, and I intend to release them in a PDF on Dungeon Master’s Guild for free, try and make a name for myself in the DMG circle if I can. I’ve got the fey one written and am pretty happy with how it looks at this point. Still a few small things to handle but the general shape of it is ready to go. I’ve moved on to writing the fiendish origin, and I think I’ve got a really neat setup going that makes the my fiend sorcerer into a blood-magic summoner.

For its capstone, I want to give it an ability that grants a permanent, powerful ally. Permanent as in no duration limiting it anyway, it’ll still be highly expendable. Balancing that kind of thing is going to be a challenge though; I have to be careful about what abilities this grants to players. The example of a druid summoning a lot of pixies to polymorph a party has been pointed out enough that non-minmaxers I know have heard of it, and I’d rather not give another version of that. So as usual I looked to other classes with similar features. At the time of writing, the only one I know is the beast master ranger, so I’ve done a bit of number crunching on that.

Let’s… talk about that for a bit, shall we?

My dislike of the ranger class is well established among my players--I think its features are weak, far too reliant on being in favorable terrain. Animal companions don’t help in that regard: after running some numbers on animal companions I don’t understand how they made it out of playtesting in their current state. First, the list of available companions is rather restrictive; your companion can’t be large size, so that excludes horses and bears. That’s super disappointing; both animal types I think are really well suited to being animal companions. On top of that, the language of the Bestial Fury class feature--which allows animals to make multiple attacks when using the Attack command--excludes creatures that already have Multiattack. Getting Multiattack typically comes at the cost of having lower base damage per attack, and Bestial Fury as written doesn’t stack with Multiattack. This means animals like badgers and velociraptors become deeply suboptimal choices. Then just looking at how each animal type has small quirks that aren’t balanced at all (this one has less AC, this one has a weaker attack, but they’re both the same CR) and for a minmaxer you can rule out most of them very quickly.

Looking over what’s currently available it looks like there are really only two competitive choices for animal companion: a giant poisonous snake and a wolf. The snake has potentially overpowering damage when you first get it at 3rd level, but since the save DC on its poison doesn’t scale it’s going to fall off pretty rapidly. Even so, it has the best AC and attack of the available companions. The only spots it loses are in speed--and it’s still a respectable 30’, so it’s not a huge loss--and HP--which doesn’t matter because the companion feature overwrites the creature’s HP anyway. The wolf loses to the snake early on, but its access to easy advantage on attacks makes it more competitive in the later game when the snake’s poison has dropped off. So let’s just write out their stats, shall we? The sorcerer feature I’m trying to use these as a guide for balancing comes at 18th level, so let’s compare at that level.

An 18th level a giant poisonous snake animal companion has the following stats:

AC 20

72 HP

Saves: Str 0, Dex 4, Con 1, Int -4, Wis 0, Cha -4

Perception +8

Attacks - Bite x2: 10’ reach, +12 to hit, 1d4+10 (avg 12.5) damage, poison save DC so low we can just say 3d6/2 (avg 5) damage. Average 17.5 damage per strike, 35 damage per round. 10 of that damage is of a type that’s often resisted or immune.

An 18th level wolf animal companion has the following stats:

AC 19

72 HP

Saves: Str 1, Dex 2, Con 1, Int -4, Wis 1, Cha -2

Perception +9, Stealth +10

Advantage on most Perception checks

Advantage on attacks if next to an ally

Bite x2: +10 to hit, 2d4+8 (13) damage, really low Strength save to knock prone. 26 average damage per round.

So the wolf (thanks to its Pact Tactics) is much more reliable, but the snake has non-trivially more potential.

The two numbers here that ruin everything are the HP and saves. The companion class feature mentions adding the master’s proficiency bonus to saves the animal is proficient in, but then the game neglects to actually make the animals proficient in any saves. This combined with that pitifully low HP means that animal companions are just going to die to incidental AoE damage if they’re ever actually used.

But even if we fixed that they’re still not worth much to use. Let’s look at the attacks. Assuming their master has increased their Dexterity to 20 (which they really should have by 18th level), we’re looking at base attack bonus of +11 on the ranger’s attack.

For archers we can assume the Archery fighting style was taken to boost this to +13 for 1d8+5 (avg 9.5)  damage with a longbow. Two attacks, so average 19 damage a round.

For Dueling rangers, let’s estimate a Rapier attack. +11 at 1d8+7 (avg 11.5) damage, times two for 23 average damage a round.

Dual Wield ranger is a Thing thanks to the Fighting Style, so let’s check on that. Three attacks, +11, 1d6+5 (avg 8.5) scimitar/shortsword damage, 25.5 average damage a round but you eat your bonus action to do that.

So just from that, it looks like the animals do just a bit more damage per round at approximately the same accuracy. Problem is that this is just the *baseline* for a ranger. By 18th level a ranger probably has a magic weapon(s) to work with along with other items that might improve their damage. They have spells like Hunter’s Mark that increases their damage (and does not apply to their animal companion). They might have feats that improve their damage too. Given how narrow the margin between animal attacks and ranger attacks was already, any one of these factors are going to tip the scales to a point where it is always preferable to spend actions on the ranger’s attacks instead of the animal’s. The combination of Bestial Fury and the ability to attack with your animal based on Extra Attack might give a slight edge to attacking with your animal, but that comes at the cost fielding a companion that’s one fireball from frying and NOT taking the more useful benefits from the hunter archetype. In the end having an animal companion is just *never* a good move.

As a result I’ve decided to completely disregard animal companions for the purposes of balancing the fiend Sorcerer. If I limited my design space for minions to what the ranger allows I would never get anything done; animal companions are just too weak to build around. Instead I’ve eyeballed the available fiends and found a line I can draw between what I’m comfortable giving a player access to and what I’m not. This lack of guidance was frustrating, and I’m left wondering how the current animal companions made it out of playtesting. You don’t even need to actually run a beast master Ranger to see this; all it takes to see that they’re insufficient is actually writing out their stats.

As for how to fix it? You could just allow higher CR beasts as you level, but that would require removing the bit about adding your proficiency bonus to most of the creature’s attributes so the scaling is weird. It also means tossing older companions aside as you outgrow them, which doesn’t fit how most people I know play the bond between ranger and companion. Instead I have vague ideas forming, basically amounting to allowing the beastmaster to customize and train their beasts from scratch instead of relying on an existing statblock. If you start from a statblock of an established creature you make it hard to scale it upward. From that custom base, I’d allow for training to hone that creature’s abilities more, make it so the ranger has actual choices to make beyond just taking the archetype and being done. Another one for the backburner, I suppose.

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior July 16, 2021 - SPACE JAM: A NEW LEGACY, ESCAPE ROOM: TOURNAMENT OF CHAMPIONS, PIG, ROADRUNNER, GUNPOWDER MILKSHAKE, and More!

We’re starting to get into the thick of summer where we’re likely to get two or maybe even three wide releases a week, and that’s definitely the case this weekend, even if it’s likely that Marvel’s Black Widow will continue to run rampant and should stay at #1 for a second weekend in a row. I also was busier than usual due to the Emmy nominations yesterday, but I now hopefully have a few easier months until the actual Emmys. (Famous last words.)

We actually have two sequels this week, one a sequel to a movie from a few years back and the other a sequel (of sorts) to a movie from 1996, so yeah, released a few months away from the 25th Anniversary of its predecessor. That always goes well.

We’ll start with SPACE JAM: A NEW LEGACY (Warner Bros.), the long-awaited sequel/reboot of the 1996 movie that captured Michael Jordan at the height of his popularity and paired him with the Looney Tunes i.e. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Elmer Fudd, etc. For years, Warner Bros. and various parties have been trying to make a sequel, but it took basketball superstar, Lebron James and no less than Ryan (Black Panther) Coogler, to finally get the sequel made.

Directed by Malcolm D. Lee (Girls Trip, Barbershop: The Next Cut), the sequel involves James and his son Dom (newcomer Cedric Joe) having issues that are taken advantage by an A.I. named Al G. Rhythm (played by Don Cheadle) who brings James and Dom to the Warner Bros. “Server-verse” for a basketball game that teams James with the Looney Tunes against his son and a group of super-powered NBA and WNBA stars i.e. The Goon Squad.

Yeah, it’s a similar concept as what led to the 1996 movie that capitalized on Jordan’s popularity and threw in other NBA greats like Charles Barkley and Patrick Ewing, plus a little Bill Murray, and then lots of Warner Bros’ popular toon characters. That original movie opened with $27.5 million in 2,650 theaters in mid-November 1996 against the second weekend of Mel Gibson’s Ransom, but it went on to gross $90.4 million domestically with the bump from the holidays (which A New Legacy doesn’t have). In some ways, the movie was a response to the success of the 1988 hybrid Who Framed Roger Rabbit, which included many of the Looney Tunes, despite it being a Disney movie.

Looney Tunes movies (and even movies based on WB properties like the Cartoon Network) haven’t done particularly well since the first movie with Looney Tunes: Back in Action opening in November 2003 with just $9.3 million and grossing just $20.5 million domestically, which isn’t good. Space Jam: A New Legacy is Warner Bros’ first attempt to bring its toons back to theaters, and the company will be watching it closely since it has already started production on Coyote vs. Acme, a CG animated film featuring the age-old nemeses.

As far as basketball movies, the comedy Uncle Drew, which also starred Lil Rel Howery oddly, that opened with a decent $15.4 million in the summer of 2018 and grossed $42.6 million domestically, but that’s without the name brand of “Space Jam” or the beloved toons that will be a bigger selling point to kids than the basketball.

Working in Space Jam’s favor is that it’s a movie both for adults who were kids when the first movie came out, as well as modern-day kids who love sports or the toons, and that should help drive business over the weekend. What is likely to hurt is that the reviews, so far, have been absolutely TERRIBLE - 35% on Rotten Tomatoes, and while that might not put off the kids, it certainly will put off their parents.

The movie is also debuting simultaneously on HBO Max, just like other Warner Bros. movies this year, although as we’ve seen with Godzilla vs. Kong and Mortal Kombat, that doesn’t necessarily hamper how a movie might do in theaters. One thing that’s changed is that Disney announced its PVOD numbers from Black Widow’s Disney+ debut over the weekend, which might change people’s tunes about feeling the need to go to theaters to see a movie like this, and that certainly might affect Space Jam’s opening weekend, but I think it will mean an opening in the mid-to-high $20 millions vs. something in the mid-$30 millions. It also doesn’t have too much family competition until Disney’s Jungle Cruise in two weeks, so it should be able to make $70 million in domestic theaters even with it being readily available on HBO Max.

Mini-Review: I’ll freely admit that I don’t have the long-term nostalgia for the original Space Jam of so many others. In fact, I only saw it for the first time a few days ago on my TV set, which may be the way many will see Space Jam: A New Legacy due to the fact that it’s on HBO Max. It’s just another casualty of my ‘90s when I wasn’t seeing many movies and also wasn’t going to see “kids’ movies.” But I do have a soft spot in my heart for the Looney Tunes, and HBO Max even did a pretty good job with its revival last year with some new shorts.

Unfortunately, this is more of a Lebron James/Warner Bros jam, to the point where you might wonder whether Lebron dictated how he wanted to be depicted to the gaggle of writers, and then Warner Bros came in and said, “Make sure to mention how great all our other properties are as well!”

The general plot involves Don Cheadle’s dumbly pun-named Al G. Rhythm -- I promise you’ll cringe everytime you hear that name -- trying to get attention by creating a showstopping basketball game between James and his son in a video game designed by the latter, and for whatever reason, it’s James who turns to Bugs Bunny to put together a team. It’s nearly 30 minutes before we finally see the Looney Tunes together, and that’s probably the best part of the movie, as Bugs goes to visit different worlds in the Warners “server-verse” to find his compatriots. I won’t spoil some of the movie worlds it visits, but these are some of the movie’s funniest scenes, although the laughs are fleeting since they’re relatively short gags. They're ruined by the movie going overboard in an attempt to throw James into some of these worlds, particularly the DC Comics superhero-verse, which seems like it might be influenced by the cartoons but never quite achieves that style of animation.

An hour into the movie, the Tune Squad is turned into 3-dimensional CG, as they face the Goon Squad team of NBA and WNBA all-stars transformed into creatures with superpowers. It's just unable to recover as the movie’s last hour focuses on that game, which is fine other than the fact that it's an awkward combination of the CG players with the audience being all sorts of background cosplayers acting as if they were found on Hollywood Boulevard or Times Square. This is the first time in a long time where I felt that the background actors ruined every scene... and then, of course, James and Cheadle are in there in a guise that seems to be a mix of human and CG.

I’ve been a fan of director Malcolm Lee for quite a long time, but Space Jam: A New Legacy is just an absolute disaster of a mess. Not that any of that matters much, because James is clearly a better ball player than he is an actor, and that fact keeps any of the movie from really gelling or offering much in terms of fun or excitement. I wanted to like the movie or find out what so many kids seemed to enjoy about the original movie 25 years ago, but sadly, that just never happened.

Rating: 5/10

The movie I’m looking forward to the most this week and will probably have seen by the time I write this is the high-concept horror sequel, ESCAPE ROOM: TOURNAMENT OF CHAMPIONS (Sony), which follows up a little over two years since the original Escape Room. This one is also directed by Adam Robitel and starring Taylor Russell and Ben Logan as survivors of an escape room created by an evil corporation doing experiments to see how people will act. The movie benefitted from putting terror into a very familiar and popular world of escape rooms, which obviously have not been quite as prominent since COVID racked the land.

The original Escape Room opened the very first weekend of January 2019, which has seen a lot of horror hits over the years, and it proved to be a wise move by Sony since it opened with $18.2 million despite the lack of any big stars. It also had better legs than most horror movies, grossing $57 million domestically and $98 million overseas. It also did quite well in DVD and Blu-ray sales, which meant that the sequel was greenlit fairly quickly.

Unlike Space Jam: A New Legacy, the Escape Room sequel is coming out a little over two years since the first movie, which is good since more young people will remember it. Another advantage it has is that it’s ONLY playing in theaters, plus it’s also getting a full 9-hour advantage by opening on Thursday afternoon, so it could make quite a bit of money before Space Jam shows up and takes over the second spot behind Marvel’s Black Widow. It’s also PG-13 so teenagers who might not have much interest in other movies out there (or they’ve already seen them) will be able to see the movie as a group without adults.

That said, I’m not quite sure the Escape Room sequel can open anywhere near the first movie only because it’s getting a summer release where it might not be getting quite the attention of other high-profile movies out there. I’d like to think it can pull in somewhere around $15 million and maybe moviegoers will surprise me since that first movie was generally popular and its sequel can’t be viewed on some streamer day and date. We’ll see if it can then translate that into a $35 to 40 million domestic total, since I’m not sure it can match the take of the original at least domestically.

My review for Escape Room: Tournament of Champions is over at Below the Line, and you'll see that I liked it quite a bit.

This Week’s Top 10 Predictions:

Since I don’t think that Space Jam: A New Legacy will make $40 million this weekend, that keeps Black Widow at the top for a second weekend in a row.

1. Black Widow (Marvel/Disney) - $35 million -57%

2. Space Jam: A New Legacy (Warner Bros.) - $27.8 million N/A

3. Escape Room: Tournament of Champions (Sony) - $15 million N/A

4. F9 (Universal) - $6 million -48%

5. The Boss Baby: Family Business (Universal/DreamWorks Animation) - $4.8 million -46%

6. The Forever Purge (Universal) - $3.8 million -47%

7. A Quiet Place Part II (Paramount) - $2.4million -28%

8. Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain (Focus) - $2.1 million N/A

9. Cruella (Disney) - $1.9 million -20%

10. The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (Lionsgate) - .9 million -47%

This week’s “Chosen One” is Rosalynde LeBlanc and Tom Hurwitz’s documentary, CAN YOU BRING IT: BILL T. JONES AND D-MAN IN THE WATERS (Kino Lorber), which is a surprisingly good documentary that combines a classic work of contemporary dance with how it originated from out of the AIDS pandemic of the ‘80s. Bill T. Jones was running the Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Company with his love and partner Arnie Zane, when the latter died from AIDS, and the deaths that followed led Jones to create “D-Man in the Waters.” Decades later, LeBlanc is performing “D-Man” with her college dance class, and she, along with Cinematographer Tom Hurwitz, ASC, capture that experience and embellish it with interviews with Jones and the original company performers.

Honestly, I’ve always been a bit reticent about dance and movies about dance, even though I’m almost always find that I enjoy them, like, for example, Wim Wenders’ Pina and the Cunningham doc from a few years back. The same thing happened with Can You Bring It, where I went in expecting to hate it or not find it interesting, and nothing could be further from the truth. FIrst of all, the original dance performance is something to behold, because there’s just an amazing physicality involved, which is why it’s amazing to watch LeBlanc (and the Jones himself) discussing the conditions in which the piece was written, but also getting some historical context about New York City at the time and how it was left ravaged by AIDS.

Hurwitz has tons of experience with documentary but LeBlanc is a relative newbie, but the two of them working together create a fantastic portrait of Jones, his amazing choreography work, and how the world of dance has been improved by the existence of his work and younger dancers trying to recapture the spirit of the original work. As I said, this movie was a pleasant surprise by how much I enjoyed it, since it woudln’t normally be my thing, but if you have even a remote interest in NYC’s iconic contribution to dance and how it was torn apart by the ‘80s AIDS crisis, you should give this a look.

Can You Bring It opens at the Film Forum this Friday, plus it will also be available via Virtual Cinema nationwide. Also starting at the Film Forum on Friday is its first series since the pandemic, a comprehensive Humphrey Bogart hardboiled retrospective with 19 films in 35mm and DCP.

You can also read my interview with Director/DoP Tom Hurwitz over at Below the Line later today.

A movie I’ve really been looking forward to seeing is Morgan Neville’s ROADRUNNER: A FILM ABOUT ANTHONY BOURDAIN (Focus Features), which does for the famed celebrity author and chef what Neville’s previous movie, Won’t You Be My Neighbor?, did for Mister Rogers, really going in-depth into the life and career of the celebrated and opinionated foodie. Bourdain committed suicide in June 2018, leaving a lot of his friends and fans wondering why he would take his own life when he was at the height of his career. Neville’s film looks at that, but it takes some time before it gets there.

Oddly, even though I was a huge Bourdain fan and even moreso after reading his book, “Kitchen Confidential,” this isn’t my favorite movie Neville has made, and I’m still trying to figure out why. Sure, there’s tons of extra never-before-seen footage from the taping of his various world-travelling television shows. They do show us another side of Bourdain that maybe we didn’t get to see from what was eventually aired.

I guess I was disappointed that Neville didn’t try to talk to Asia Argento, or maybe he did, and she declined? (I was hoping to talk to Morgan Neville for Below the Line about this movie, but it wasn’t meant to be.) Bourdain’s friends and co-workers on the show talk about how Argento’s inclusion into Bourdain’s life disrupted the creation of his television show, particularly the Hong Kong episode Argento directed, which apparently wasn’t without its problems, even before it was yanked from CNN after Bourdain’s death. No one blames Argento for Bourdain's choice to kill himself, but it would have been nice to get her take on the man for a more complete profile.

Even so, one of my biggest issues with the movie -- and this is where I prove unequivocally that absolutely NO ONE reads this column -- has nothing to do with Neville’s filmmaking prowess or storytelling ability, but more to do with the complete inability by many that talk about his death to understand why there have been so many prominent suicides by hanging: Bourdain, Michael Hutchence of INXS, Chris Connelly of Soundgarden, and quite a few more. When you make the decision to end your life by hanging, there’s only two ways it can go: you fail miserably i.e. the rope snaps, the knots aren’t tied properly... or you die. Even if you have second thoughts while you’re standing on the chair, once you drop, you’re dead even if you merely slipped. This is why hanging has been such a popular form of execution for hundreds and hundreds of years. It’s hard to screw it up. Unfortunately, when you’ve decided you no longer want to live, and you decide to hang yourself, it’s much easier to succeed in doing so… and for better or worse, I’m not sure that Neville or any of Bourdain’s friends interviewed have ever been to that point where they tried to hang themselves to really understand that. It’s minor and probably will be a non-issue to most seeing this movie, but having been at that point of hopelessness myself (probably for far different reasons than Bourdain), that bothered me a little. That sort of context would have helped people who watch the movie understand Bourdain's last moments.

Despite those issues, Roadrunner brilliantly captures the spirit and tone of Bourdain’s character as depicted on his various television series. That's why Roadrunner is a movie that mostly worked for me as a fan of Bourdain’s amazing writing and television work.

Focus continues to give its movies semi-wide releases, and this one is going pretty wide into 800 theaters, so it might be able to peek into the top 10, maybe?

Another movie coming to theaters is Michael Sarnoski’s PIG (NEON), starring Nicholas Cage as Robin Feld, a reclusive hermit of a man who once was a legendary Portland chef. He’s now living on his own in the middle of nowhere with his truffle-foraging pig, but one night, some people break in and steal the pig, thinking that it’s their path to fortunes. Robin isn’t having any of it, and he follows his pig’s trail to a fight club and then to the father of one of his main buyers (Alex Wolff).

Even though I’ve known about this movie for some time, I didn’t really know that much about it. Like man, I expected it to be a straight-up revenge action flick a bit like John Wick, but the only thing this has in common with that is that this as terrific a showcase for Cage as an actor as that was for Keanu Reeves. Spending much of the movie completely bedraggled and beaten-up, this is still a far more subdued performance for Cage than some might be expecting, and a slower and more subdued film with only a few moments achieving anything that could be considered “action.”

Even so, this is such a great vehicle for Cage, and Alex Wolff is also quite good, plus there’s a foodie aspect to the movie that should make it a great double feature with Roadrunner. It should be expected with so much of it involving truffles, which not many people outside of chefs and gourmands know much about

Some people might go into Pig with the wrong expectations of this being some sort of genre revenge flick, but it’s in fact a pretty solid character drama, truly showing off Cage’s terrific ability at creating character, so hopefully, it will find its audience even it might not be the one some might expect.

Rating: 7.5/10

Pig will actually open in a few hundred theaters nationwide so plenty of opportunities to see it that way.

Netflix has a duo of high-profile films this week, including the action-thriller GUNPOWDER MILKSHAKE (Netflix), starring Karen Gillan and directed by Israreli filmmaker Navot Papushado (Big Bad Wolves). Gillan plays Sam, an assassin for a group called The Firm, a second generation assassin no less since her mother Scarlet (Lena Headey) was also an assassin. One day, she finds herself on the bad side of a crime lord whose son she killed (on a mission) and finds herself having to fight off dozens of killers as she tries to protect that man’s 9-year-old daughter Emily (Chloe Coleman).

I can’t believe how much I absolutely hated a good part of this movie, because I generally like Gillan and some of the others in this movie, but I don’t any of them are doing particularly good work. For instance, Paul Giamatti is in full-on scenery-chewing mode as head of the Firm, but there’s also a great trio of women known as the Librarians, played by Michelle Yeoh, Carla Gugino and Angela Bassett, who I wish were in the film more than they actually are, because they literally are the best part of the film. (I also was pretty disappointed by Coleman’s bland performance lacking any of the personality she showed in My Spy, in which she was very funny.)

Basically, it feels like this is another filmmaker who has seen Tarantino’s Kill BIll a few dozen times and thought they could do something just as cool. The fact that it’s so flagrant and obvious in its ripping that movie off, it’s almost impossible to fully enjoy it. What’s really missing is Tarantino’s knack for sharp writing, because the writing in this movie is just terrible.

I thought the score was probably the most interesting aspect of the movie, but even that was highly derivative of what Tarantino has done. Even the needle drop choices during the bigger action pieces feel too much like something Tarantino might do, but generally better.

Sure, there’s some cool action scenes, and the last act generally gets better once Headey and the Librarians rejoin the fray to fight off a cadre of henchmen, but the writing never improves, so it’s just a movie that relies on far too many “oooo… Cooooool!” moments that never really come together.

As much as Gunpowder Milkshake tries to be cool and stylish, it always feels like it’s trying too hard without understanding why movies like Tarantino’s and others work so well. Any of the bad-ass fight sequences are constantly marred as soon as there tries to be any sort of talking or story.

Rating: 5.5/10

The third part of the horror series based on R.L. Stine’s books, FEAR STREET PART 3: 1666 (Netflix), will hit the streamer on Friday, this one being a prequel to the previous two movies, taking place in 1666. I’m still behind on this series, but looking forward to a night where I can finally watch all three.

I definitely had more movies to watch than usual that I just didn’t get to include some of them like Martin WIlson’s directorial debut, the horror-thriller GREAT WHITE (RLJEfilms/Shudder), which stars Katrina Bowden and others, about a tourist trip that turns into a nightmare when five passengers on a sea plane get stranded miles from the shore and try to survive as they run out of supplies and run into, you guessed it, a shark. Sounds like my kind of movie, but I’ve just been swamped.

I was pretty tickled by the premise for Jean-Paul Salomé’s MAMA WEED (Brainstorm Media/Music Box Films), starring the wonderful Isabelle Hupert as Patience, a French-Arabic translator for the Paris anti-narcotics police unit who interprets calls between the city’s top drug dealers. She’s taking care of her aging mother and one day she hears the son of one of her mother’s nurses, so she tries to protect him but ends up with a huge cache of hash, so she becomes a drug dealer herself, becoming the persona of “Mama Weed.” Nominated for a César for its screenplay, the movie will open in select theaters this Friday and then be available On Demand on July 23.

Another doc of note is Aisling Chin-Yee and Chase Joynt’s NO ORDINARY MAN (Oscilloscope), which tells the story of American jazz musician Billy Tipton who had spent his entire career passing off as a man, unbeknownst to his wife and son that he was born female. It’s an intriguing story that unfortunately got mangled by the talk shows after Tipton’s death in 1989, but the filmmakers use an interesting way to tell the story rather than using talking heads. I haven’t actually watched it yet, but it sounds intriguing. It will open at the IFC Center in New York and the Landmark Nuart in L.A. on Friday.

Debuting on Hulu this week is the amazing six-part docuseries called MCCARTNEY 3, 2, 1 (Hulu), which as you can safely assume is about Beatles founder Paul McCartney, covering his sixty-year career as he talks with producer Rick Rubin in a studio filled with instruments and tapes of some of the great songs that Rubin mixes different elements up and down to discuss how they were done with McCartney. I generally love music docs, but this is something truly special that I expect to rewatch many times over the next few years.

Netflix also has a new docuseries called HEIST (Netflix) and is debuting a doc about tennis great, Naomi Osaka, this week. Meanwhile, the anthology prequel series, American Horror Stories, debuts on FX and FX on Hulu this week, as well, so it’s a pretty busy weekend, which was bound to happen after last week’s bye week.

Other movies out this week that I didn’t get to include:

Die in a Gunfight (Lionsgate) Out of Death (Vertical) Casanova, Last Love (Cohen Media) How to Deter a Robber

Next week, two more new movies, including the action prequel, SNAKE EYES, starring Henry Golding, and M. Night Shyamalan’s new thriller, OLD.

[ozzdog12]

2017- Top 7 (And 1)

Well as another year closes, so does another fantastic year in gaming. In fact, this could be one of the best in history!! You may say, Why only a Top 7 and there are two reasons. 1: Everyone does a Top 10 or Top 20, but nobody does just 7. It also makes the list more prestigious 2: I’m lazy. 

But I do give my biggest disappointment

Well lets get on with it. 

Biggest Disappointment: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Switch)

Now I know you’re shocked and you’re saying things like “ This list is shit! BotW is the GOTY!” or “WHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT how?!?!” Let me explain. I don’t have the nostalgia for Nintendo that a majority of people have, so I can give a pretty non-biased opinion when it comes to Nintendo games. BotW is a decent game, but its not without its faults. Actually it’s a really bad Zelda game and an even worse ‘Open-World’ game. It’s an open world game made by people who haven’t played one in a decade. However, most alarming is the story, or lack thereof. I know part of the charm in Zelda games is creating your own adventure, but I found almost zero motivation, especially in the early hours to even progress forward. BotW is vastly different from previous Zelda games and takes a lot of risks. Some paid and most didn't. The game is gorgeous for a launch game and being able to play it both on my tv and ‘on the go’ is also a huge plus. The biggest complaint though is the controls are complete ass ( NOTE: I did not play it with a Pro controller, but I understand its much better) I get that with the way the controller is designed you're limited to certain buttons, but some of the controls are so counter-intuitive, that I constantly found myself looking or thinking about which button did what rather than naturally doing it ( I’ve been playing videogames for 25 years, so its not a user error, its a design error). All in all, its a Fine game and a lot of people love it, but its not the best game of the year.. it’s not even the best game on the system….

Number 7: Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice (PS4)

Hellblade could be on this list for its impeccable sound design alone. Seriously, play this game in the dark with a good headset. While there is combat, the game is not predicated on heavy combat, its more about the deeply personal story told with a Norse mythology backdrop.The puzzles are simple, but unique. The game also looks incredible.The voice acting is superb. In a gaming environment littered with so many open-world games, a well-designed, linear story-driven game is great palette cleanser. Seriously, check this game out. 

Number 6: Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus (Xbox One)

This is in no way a political post, but in the current state of the United States, a game about killing Nazis is so refreshing. It also helps that its actually a really great game. While I do think The New Order is a more meaty, complete story and game, The New Colossus has more jaw dropping “HOLY SHIT!” & “WTF!” moments than any game I’ve played in the last 7-8 years.The game knows what it is and it excels greatly. The game takes some really creative plot twists. BJ isn’t just some standard FPS goon that murders Nazis ( well HE is that too, but you learn more about his past and find a very human side to him). Its also go violent and so satisfying taking an ax to the face of a Nazi. MY biggest gripe is right when the game really starts hitting its stride, it just sort’ve ends. You can go back and revisit previous locations to take of Ubercommanders, but unless you just want more of the same, there is no real incentive to so. I’m really looking forward a 3rd(4th?) chapter in this Wolfenstein story.

Number 5: Super Mario Odyssey (Switch)

I’m not the biggest Mario fan and like I said above, I don’t have the nostalgia for Nintendo. As a person, who thinks Mario 64 is way over-rated and is a sub-par game, but loves Mario Galaxy, my biggest concern going in was that this was going to be more like 64. To my surprise, after getting used to the sensitivity of the controls, I found my self REALLY enjoying the game and constantly looking for moons to collect, even when I had enough to move on to the next world.The game is set up in a way to encourage you to revisit worlds even after you’ve beaten the game. I found it to be relatively short for a Mario game, but honestly there is enough there even if you don’t want to 100% the game. Cappy is a new and fresh introduction to Mario that the franchise really needed. 

Number 4: Prey (XBONE) 

Man I have to admit something about Prey. I played the demo and didn’t like it. Finally played the full game and for the first 2 hours thought it was kinda dull, but I knew there was something there and I kept on playing and boy am I glad I did. Prey is THE BEST game seemingly nobody played. I fault a lot of that to the failure to market it correctly. Prey is such a unique experience and a game that is so different from anything our there, it has to be played to fully comprehend it. In terms of gameplay, it doesn’t reinvent the wheel but it’s one of those games that when I wasn’t playing, it’s all I thought about. When I was playing, I just wanted to explore every nook and corner within Talos 1. It also has one of the most unique endings/twist to a game I've experienced in a long time. I don’t want to dwell on too much because I’ll ramble into spoiler territory but do yourself a favor and PLAY this game!

Number 3: Injustice 2 (PS4) 

As a massive DC fan and a massive Mortal Kombat, I was hotly anticipating I2, I was a little concerned with the gear system prior to release fearing it would cause imbalance (especially online) but it didn’t for the most part. In a gaming world, where loot boxes are all the rage, I think NRS handled it fairly well. At the end of the day, I wish it was all just cosmetic because i rarely looked at the stat boost and just went with what i liked cosmetically. The story picks up following the events of the first game. Its also very odd to me that NRS can make a better, more compelling story than Warner Bros can with their movies…but I digress. There are plethora of new and returning characters and all are different enough to fit your fighting preference. Some characters i would’ve preferred over others, but all in all, I think its a very impressive roster. With different towers/multiverses rotating in various intervals, its a significant upgrade to the S.T.A.R labs challenges from the previous game. I put in over 100 hours and thats even before all the DLC characters are out.  

Number 2: Uncharted: The Lost Legacy (PS4)

Being that Uncharted is one of my favorite gaming franchises, this should be no surprise. Goodbye Nathan Drake, Hello supporting cast! With Nathan Drakes adventures ‘completed”, I am all for more Uncharted with side stories for supporting cast. (Young Sully next please). Chloe (being absent from Uncharted 4) and Nadine (being a villain in Uncharted 4) is an interesting tag team set up. Personalities clash and deception and lying is ever present as you’d expect. As per the status quo from Naughty Dog, the game is graphically top notch and the mo-cap and voice acting is superb. There are several nods to previous games and even an appearance by a certain character. The game is shorter than previous Uncharted games and its honestly the perfect length for this style of story an price tag. More Uncharted is always a good thing!

Honorable Mentions: Pyre(PC), & Metroid: Samus Returns(3DS) 

Number 1: Horizon Zero Dawn(PS4)

Man, what can I say about HZD that hasn’t been covered before. From the first trailer I saw, I had an expectation of what I wanted from this game and its surpassed it ten fold. An achievement in and of itself these days. There are a lot of great open -world games out there, but one of the biggest issues with all this open-world-ness is that story gets dumbed down or sacrificed ( see Breath of the Wild). Horizon Zero Dawn has a really great story that keeps you going adn trying to figure out “What is Zero Dawn?” Trying to uncover all the little secrets is so much fun, the collectibles make you explore this gigantic world. The (post-apocalyptic) )world never feels empty or barren ( unless that was the intention)  Even the side quests feel meaningful for the most part. There is a lot going on in this game, but its all organized and presented together well. My one gripe is that the game doesn't do a great job of telling you the differences and benefits to certain ammo types, you’re basically left to figure it out on your own. Fighting robot dinosaurs never gets old and with the addition of The Frozen Wilds, you get 3 new creatures and they are brutal as ever. Every fight with a Thunderjaw or a group of Scorchers feels meaningful and satisfying even when you hit level 60. While I don’t think its fair to compare Breath of the Wild and Horizon Zero Dawn, they are often compared ad nauseum. I will say that in my opinion HZD did almost everything better than BotW in the things they both tried to accomplish. Horizon Zero Dawn is not only my favorite game on 2017, its made its way into my Top 5 favorite games of All-Time!

[tymime]

Lola Bunny is one of animation’s more controversial characters, and I don’t know why.

When you boil the whole thing down, Lola exists for one reason: to give Bugs a girlfriend. Porky has one, Daffy sorta has one- heck, Sylvester had a wife once. Might as well give Bugs one and sell merch to the little girls of the ‘90s, y’know?

Bugs had several one-shot love interests in the original cartoons, but none of them really stuck. In the comic books (during the ‘60s-‘70s), he had a girlfriend named Honey Bunny, but she was a fairly typical one-dimensional character, not unlike many other girlfriends that Western Publishing gave their licensed cartoon characters at the time.

The problem of Looney Tunes lacking a real female star came up in Tiny Toon Adventures. While everyone had a counterpart to look up to, Babs didn’t have anyone. The writers have to resort to another character named Honey- girlfriend to Bosko, Warner Bros.’ first cartoon star from the early 1930s- and give her personality traits and talents she never actually had. It’s a great episode, but it’s not exactly historically accurate (but then again, neither is Roger Rabbit).

When Space Jam was in development, plans were made to use a redesigned Honey Bunny. Troubles with the character were there from the start. Early designs were basically Bugs with eyelashes and a hair bow. From what I’ve read about her, their were concerns that this version looked too young, and the execs asked to make her more mature.

Lola’s development was still troubled however. According to artist Bob Guthrie, now that Lola was obviously an adult, the execs were worried that now she was too sexy. Some of his art for promo material was sent back with notes telling him to tone down the curves. On top of that, for some strange reason, Lola had two different models- one for the movie itself and one for merchandise and elsewhere.

I don’t know for sure, but I imagine it was around this point that the crew behind Space Jam started thinking about how to handle the character. Political correctness was a major factor in kids’ entertainment in the Nineties. Probably someone realized that Lola had to be an actual role-model to girls rather than just the Token Female.

And so we wind up with the Lola we see in the film. Is she just there for Bugs to fall in love with? Basically, yes. Is she eye candy? Most definitely. If you need to convey to your audience that a character is supposed to be sexy, you kinda have to do that.

But on the other hand she’s probably the most competent player on the team, aside from Michael Jordan himself. All the other toons couldn’t play basketball if their lives depended on it (and they do), so they need somebody besides Michael who’s good at the game if they’re going to stand a chance. Lola fits the bill, and she even manages to make the usually imperturbable Bugs go goofy.

Then comes the next big issue: is Lola Bunny funny? Does being the talented role-model sap her of any potential for Looney Tunes-style humor? I’d say no. According to one source (a post by designer and animator Ashanti Miller which I can’t seem to find now), Lola was supposed to be more gruff, and even less tolerant of any disrespect towards her. Cartoon violence would ensue. It was in earlier versions of the script, but didn’t make it to the screen. There’s also concept art by her that ties into this idea.

So yes, the potential is there. I have a couple Looney Tunes comics from DC that demonstrate her comedic abilities. In these, Lola is a pizza delivery girl for various gods and monsters. An odd premise, but it works. She has no patience for demons and curses, and in one story decides to quit her job. She’s relieved at first, but soon finds herself bored with her new job where nothing interesting happens. Her old boss tries to replace her, but soon finds that Lola is the only one who can handle these creatures and not run away screaming. In the end, Lola is back delivering pizza, but not without a giant fly swatter to keep annoying imps at bay.

To say that this influenced the way I see Lola is an understatement. Heck, it may have even influenced how I create female characters of my own. I see no problem with giving Lola a huge mallet and whacking Bugs on the head if he says something stupid. It’s her personality that makes me like her so much, not the way she’s drawn.

So when I see people diss the original Lola and defend the Looney Tunes Show version, it baffles me. I don’t know what the show’s writers were going for, but a lot of other people seem to think that Lola’s new personality is an improvement- that somehow being a blonde airhead is better than being a tough, sporty type. Even if you think ‘90s Lola is boring, even if you think the whole action-girl-role-model thing was forced just to sell merchandise, how is making her stupid a good thing? It’s like you’re saying that women can’t be pretty and tough or smart at the same time, because it’s “funnier” that way. It’s practically a regression back to Honey Bunny.

Sometimes I wonder if the writers got her and Daffy’s old girlfriend Melissa mixed up. Making Lola the level-headed one and Melissa the ditzy girly-girl for contrast would have been incredibly easy. All I can figure is that they wanted “Tina” to contrast with Daffy by being smart, and then realized that they had Lola already- and in a huge break from logic, decided to change Lola completely instead of just keeping her the way she was.

You can sort of see this transformation begin with the webtoon Dating Dos and Don’ts. In it, Lola’s no more than a generic girl, just there to be “Bugs’ girlfriend”. She doesn’t even talk.

I think the main problem is not Lola herself, but how no one seems to know what to do with her. It just goes to show that writers still struggle with female characters, even in this day and age.

[thevalkyriesonline]

In the first instalment of ‘Let’s Talk Comics’ we talk with Son and Sam of SCSM Comics who have just finished their Kickstarter campaign for their comic ‘A Vampire in Paris’. 

Sam is a queer freelance artist known for her character designs, concept work and witty sense of humour. She has been drawing professionally for over 10 years and dedicates her time to telling new and original stories through her artwork.

Son is a queer Muslim freelance writer who actively works in comics, and is known for her work in ‘TEETHING’. She is an active fan of horror and monsters and often complains about the lack of positive representation of POC mythical creatures.

‘A Vampire in Paris’ is a queer love story that follows two bartenders at the Spade, a bar located in the heart of Paris. Kara Belmont is a working college student, studying Art History by day and spending her nights filling up empty glasses. It’s a weird bar, packed with interesting patrons. But the most interesting person of all seems to be her own coworker. Selma Nazari seems to only work at night and is rather mysterious, not to mention unearthly beautiful. Despite her calm disposition and incessant teasing, Kara is sure that Selma holds a terrible secret.

There’s no doubt about it: She’s a vampire.

  Let’s dive straight in! 

Sam, how did you get started in illustrating? Was there a moment you can recall where you really fell in love with it?

I was in 3rd or 4th grade when I stumbled upon a good old show called ‘DragonBall Z’ on Toonami. I thought the style and animations were so cool I just had to recreate them and it kinda kicked off from there. I had always been into drawing and doodling as a kid but I really fell head over heels in love with it after drawing Trunks an absurd amount of times.

Sam- What inspired you to go the comic book route with your artistic skills out of all available mediums?

Fun fact, initially I didn’t want to do art as a career/profession at all. I kind of fell into the freelance thing out of necessity and realized that it was awesome and I love doing it! As for going the comic book route, that falls on Son actually! I was not confident in my abilities to do full comic page work initially but after freelancing for 2 years and Son shoving me into a locker and demanding I go into comic work I decided to take the plunge! Setting up the kickstarter and producing the sample pages really solidified my confidence and how much I enjoy it!

Sam- What character would you like to give a full makeover to and why?

If I could give any character in AVIP a makeover it would probably be Levi. And I only say this because she’s the type to change her appearance most often. I also love drawing and coloring hair and she has a lot to work with.

If I had the choice to give any character a full makeover I would laugh at myself and say “I can give a full makeover to any character I want” because I do. One of the things I love drawing the most is redesigns of characters that I like. Be it “what they look like in 20 years” or just full on AU designs, the possibilities are endless!

Son- Was there a defining piece of work for you growing up that made you realise you wanted to take up the writers mantle?

As much as I want to say ‘Dragon Ball Z’, I think the most defining pieces of work that convinced me that writing is my passion were R.L. Stine and Christopher Pike novels. I used to read the dime horror novels (the ones on a lonely rack at my library) religiously all throughout elementary school. Was I too young to be reading that? Yes. Did I like them immensely? Hell yes.

  Son- What is your favourite scary movie?

‘Let the Right One In’. I used to read it once a year in high school because of how much I adored the writing. The Swedish film is amazing and paints my favourite type of horror: slow moving.

Son- Who would you say your biggest inspirations are?

There’s so many. In literature, I’m just like any other post-college student with a knack for writing. Which means I like a lot of works by dead white male authors. Thankfully, Afrofuturism is saving my life. But no matter how much I read, anime that I grew up with and learned to appreciate as an adult really shaped me. My biggest inspirations are Ghost in the Shell, Cowboy Bebop, Akira, Berserk, and other shows from that era. Also, Hellboy changed my life.

Son- Which famous classic horror creature/ mythical creature would you like to reimagine and why?

The Bride of Frankenstein because I really want to examine her under the points brought up in the essay A Cyborg Manifesto by Donna Haraway. I also think it would be wild to examine how we do AIs and Cyborgs in science-fiction as a form of Frankenstein and his bride in a setting that leads you to believe that artificial advancements are the future. It’s a cool reversal.

I love these thoughts on The Bride of Frankenstein, AI and Cyborgs, I had not even considered how much those things align! That would make for a fascinating topic especially with AI being the hot topic that it is! 

How did you find the process of raising funds on kickstarter?

Sam: It was nerve racking initially. Especially because for me it was my first time running a kickstarter.  We both took the time to go over successful and failed kickstarters to get a general picture of what we’d be dealing with on both sides. It was a lot of “what to do and what not to do”s.

Son: It took a bunch of research and trial and error. Sam is excellent at creating a schedule and together, we made airtight plans. In the end, it’s great to have support and to work with someone you trust. It’s hard, but exciting.

What advice would you give someone looking to self-fund on sites like kickstarter?

Sam: PR IS YOUR BEST FRIEND. Seriously. Don’t feel bad about boosting your projects 3-4 times a day and being active with your audience. It’s the best way to show that you’re in it to win it! CONFIDENCE IS EVERYTHING!

Son: It’s okay to be a little shameless. An issue I had to jump over was my inability to promote myself. You need to ignore that little voice and be shameless. Tell all your friends, tweet about it nonstop, bring it up whenever you can. It’s only for a month, you gotta be your own hype man! Learning how to PR is important.

What have you found the biggest challenges for you as women in this industry?

Sam: I like to think that I’m incredibly lucky for choosing to go into the freelance industry over a big name comic book corporation. Crowdfunding is a game changer because it opens up opportunities to female identifying artists to explore stories and styles that suit them and their experiences. Instead of some old fart at the top of the totem pole doling out slices of “The same shit we see all the time”.

Son: As someone who’s been working to get into comics, the freelance industry is a great place for women. Or it’s starting to be. As a female identifying writer, I’ve been on the short end of the stick, that I’m not “taken seriously” about certain genres, such as horror and science fiction. Jokes on them because with the growing community of freelance projects and crowdfunding, women and other marginalized groups are finally building their own platforms with their own stories and variations that are creative explosions outside the major publisher comic book industry. ALSO WHY DOES EVERYONE SHY FROM TWO FEMALE LEADS?

What advice would you give to creators just getting started?

Sam: DEADLINES. ARE. YOUR. BEST. FRIEND. I’m a big fan of deadlines, especially because I’m a freelancer and have to make my own schedule. Setting simple deadlines for yourself helps keep you on track and gives you a sense of accomplishment whenever you meet one! Always ALWAYS set deadlines that are simple to achieve so you aren’t just setting yourself up for failure. Having a friend (Like Son) to help keep you on track is super important too. Working with a friend or a small group helps with the workload as well, but always remember that this is work and to succeed you need to put in the work.

Son: DONT. GIVE. UP. As someone who really struggled with making the content I want to be seen, not giving up despite all the times I failed really got me into the position where when working with Sam, I was so prepared. It takes a while, it really does. There’s nothing immediate about comics, no instant success. Kickstarter makes it look like projects happen overnight but it was the cultivation of ALL of my past experiences, my active engagement on social media, my practice in writing that eventually lead me to Sam and the confidence to push this project forward. Don’t crumble after failure because you’ve already learned how to do better the next time.

Which comic book character do you wish you had created and why?

Sam: Jason Todd. Specifically new 52 Jason Todd. New 52 Jason Todd is a trainwreck that totally derailed his entire character from what he was initially. Jason Todd is the physical representation to Bruce that “You can’t win 100% of the time without casualties”. His death was a symbol that sometimes Batman fails, and that being a hero doesn’t mean everything works out in the end. And Jason Todd also countered the norms, he came back ANGRY. In superhero comics, back then being ANGRY wasn’t a hero quality. He defined antihero to me, and I’ve always been more partial to antiheroes because it really drives home the conflict of being a, you guessed it, VIGILANTE. Also I’m a firm believer that if any character in DC was bisexual it’d be him.

Son: Jason Todd. Specifically new 52 Jason Todd. He comes from a place where not a lot of Robins do and it shaped his character, eventually leading him into the path of an antihero rather than the “benevolent” Batman. He’s an outlier in the Batfam, and he holds certain values that I really vibe with, especially due to his upbringing. That you don’t have to be perfect to be good and you don’t have to bend to societal norms to make a difference. The new 52 kind of forgot about all the qualities that made him so special (to me anyway) so I wish I owned him. Plus, he looks cool as heck and if there was one character in all of DC that would have absolutely been bisexual, it’s Jason Todd.

What are the pros/ cons of working in this field?

Pro’s: You work for yourself when you crowdfund. You make all the artistic decisions, the financial decisions, all the deadlines. You don’t have to comply with any decisions from higher ups or deal with “bosses” because you are your own boss.

Cons: It’s all on you. It can be incredibly stressful to successfully fund, manage and complete a large project on your own. There are a lot of different factors to take into account that you need to be ready and/or flexible for. If you’re not good at organization then this field is going to be rough for you.

What advice would you give for women looking to break into this industry?

Sam: Share your work. Apply for those jobs. Take that leap into freelance or crowdfunding. Even if you think you wont make it, or you’re not “good enough”, or you don’t “meet the qualifications” put yourself out there. There is always an audience for every story.

Son: Support each other. Your best support is from people who resonate with your work. And it’s not easy, but nothing worth having really is. Don’t be shy to put yourself in your work. A common misconception is that you have to write like those dead old white guys I mentioned above to be considered publishing worthy or literary and the answer I have to that is: fuck that. There’s a uniqueness that comes from your own self that no one can imitate. So why try to imitate what’s been done when you can show your own spin? And again, don’t give up!

Would you say there is a shift in the diversity within this industry? What in your opinion could readers do to ensure that the industry moves in the right direction?

Sam: I think the industry is slowly making the attempt to move in the right direction. I’m gonna reiterate “Slowly”. In my opinion showing support, both with your words and your wallet is key to moving in a more diverse and inclusive direction. Yeah we’re sick of the same rehashing of the same story, so put your money where your mouth is.

Son: Show your support for the things you want made. Don’t just say you want more queer or female led stories, actively engage and support with creators who are trying to make these stories. The comic book industry’s favorite go-to argument is that there is no active audience for these types of comics. The only way to counter that is to support the people trying to make them. And I do think it’s happening. Image Comics have been pumping out some amazing female identifying artists and writers. The indie scene is RICH with stories by WOC. And I think the industry is beginning to take notice.

What is next for you guys?

Sam- Hopefully, after the completion of AVIP, we plan on making our own webcomic, as a team. We’re lucky to work with each other as we often act as foils and complete what the other person needs. SO MORE DORKY COMICS, I GUESS. We’ve got a dark comedy planned so fingers crossed.

Big thanks to Sam and Son for giving us some insight into their process and their thoughts on the comics industry. The Valkyries chose to back AVIP during it’s Kickstarter campaign and we are thrilled that it smashed it’s target and will be going to print! If you want to keep up to date with Son and Sam you can find them here:

www.twitter.com/istehlurvz

istehlurvz.tumblr.com 

www.twitter.com/bogboogie 

son-mess.tumblr.com 

    Let’s talk comics! #1: Sam and Son on ‘A Vampire in Paris’ and a whole lot more! In the first instalment of 'Let's Talk Comics' we talk with Son and Sam of SCSM…

[thisiscomics]

I’m not really an expert on the Wildstorm universe, which was essentially Jim Lee’s section of Image Comics when it was founded, before becoming a DC Comics imprint and then eventually being shut down (which led to Alan Moore’s America’s Best Comics ceasing to be, as he could work with DC at one step removed via the imprint, but not directly with the publisher), with many of the original Wildstorm characters being folded into the DC Universe as part of The New 52 reboot.

Most of my experience of it has been connected to writers, starting with Warren Ellis on The Authority (and then back to his run on Stormwatch), then Joe Casey on Wildcats and Wildcats Version 3.0 (and then back to Alan Moore and James Robinson writing WildC.A.T.S.), and probably a few others here and there. And so I recognise a lot of the players here, but I’m buying this for the creative team, just like before, not out of any loyalty to the characters.

Thus I can’t judge what the reaction would be from someone who is fan of the Wildstorm universe, but I enjoy the fact that, unlike any DC Universe Rebirth story, this isn’t about previous continuity and picking and choosing what is canon. Ellis has made clear in promotional interviews that this is a clean slate, and then the first nine panel page clearly symbolises this for anyone that remembers the characters.

Here, you can see red markings on the character’s face, very similar to the original character design of Zealot. As she washes blood from her hands, and the scene around her becomes clearer, she calls in a report, confirming that she is Zealot (or that’s her call sign at least). In the last two panels, the markings on her face are being wiped off as well, confirming it was just more blood, albeit in coincidental splatter pattern. And just like that, the slate is wiped clean and we are in a new universe where we can see familiar pieces being moved across a completely different board, presumably selected either because of Ellis’s fondness for the character (which I imagine is the case with Angie Spica, The Authority’s Engineer) or because they suit his themes, whatever they turn out to be. ‘The Future’ is certainly likely to be a part of it, given his constant interest in that subject, and- as seen in Wildcats Version 3.0- the Halo Corporation is a good creation with which to explore that.

Conspiracy theory and extraterrestrials are referenced in the promo materials, and are another popular Ellis subject as well as ingredients in the original concept (where the backdrop was a centuries old war between two alien races), making the decision to allow the whole Wildstorm universe to be started over by this particular writer a very appropriate one (aside from his general lack of interests in superheroes, but I think it’s safe to DC knew about that. It’s hardly a secret, so they must have accepted they were unlikely to get primary coloured morality lessons or a return to the ridiculously excessive 90s costumes of the characters’ early days).

It’s doubtful that The Wild Storm will reach the commercial heights of The Authority, given the current state of the market and the story being told, but it feels likely to be another tour de force in story telling across its 24 issues. The Authority had a great, long-lasting, impact on the form- widescreen, decompression, etc. all became buzzwords following its success, although they were rarely used with anything like the skill of Ellis, all too often used because they looked cool rather than being useful storytelling tools, resulting in some very hollow stories that thought they understood what made the Ellis book popular.

This comic has a completely different set of storytelling skills in play- there’s probably more panels in this first issue than there is in a story arc of The Authority!- showing that the creative team know how to use the form to tell the story they want to tell, rather than be beholden to some sort of ‘Wildstorm style’. Ellis is not a writer to just revisit his greatest hits when he can challenge himself and the medium, thus where The Authority was widescreen, The Wild Storm is claustrophobic, a markedly different creature, despite the shared roots of both titles, because the form needs to reflect the thematic concerns to create a successful story. Although The Wild Storm has only begun, and there is more to come in terms of related titles, I think it safe to say that this is likely to be a (at least creatively) very successful relaunch.

From The Wild Storm 1, by Warren Ellis, Jon Davis-Hunt & Ivan Plascencia