#i think alllll the time ab how sqx started passing those tests way too late
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I've mentioned before that S.hi Q.ingxuan has codependent tendencies and usually said so in a light-hearted "haha yeah watch out she'll latch onto your muse like a leech" manner but it really is a major problem that sets her up for nothing but failure.
Everything she does, from the way she dresses to the way she handles her responsibilities, cries "look at me, look at me!" Some of it has to do with vanity and having been spoiled by her ge's attention, yes; she's pretty, she's kind, she's the lady wind master, so why shouldn't she be admired and adored? A good majority of it is just naturally how she is; even when keeping face, she's never once thought to hide the heart she so openly wears on her sleeve. If it were just those two facets of her personality, it wouldn't be so debilitating. But it's not. She does not know how to exist without being seen. It's not a lack of confidence in who she is as a person (she knows who she is- she thinks she knows -and she's so very confident in who she believes herself to be). But that confidence has a foundation based in there always being a hand to hold, always a back to hide behind, always a pair of arms to catch her when she falls, and if there's just one thing she knows how to do it's to be a persistent presence. Everyone needs someone else around, so it all works out quite nicely, doesn't it? She has no reason to believe otherwise.
#▌ ◈ shi qingxuan ; ⌜ study ⌟#man. man... goes from crying look at me look at me to crying don't look please don't look at me ever again#i think i have more to add.. i definitely do actually but brain spaghetti.#i'm 100% serious too it's a massive problem in canon AND in my other verses#all i got.. hough... i may be reading too far between the lines (i definitely am) but sqx has SO many attachment issues#it can be comedic at times but rlly it's just. sad. it's REALLY really sad.#i think alllll the time ab how sqx started passing those tests way too late#it's my strongest piece of evidence tbh#still largely reliant on 'ming yi' and xie lian's moral support but she FINALLY stands up to swd MULTIPLE times. BUT TOO LATE!#(i say this also knowing there's a lot to unpack with the shi sibling dynamic)#GIRL LET GO OF THE HAND YOU'RE HOLDING. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHOSE IT IS! (metaphorically speaking. ish.)#shi qingxuan my beloved. u are so doomed i love you so fawking much.
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