#i think a lot more things are religious and play-acting than i realize

[personal-progress-dropout]

The Rainbow Sheep III

I have complicated relationship with my gender.

Like many people who grew up in the church, I was raised with a strict concept of gender—there were men and there were women. Gender was determined in the pre-existence, and the gender you were assigned at birth was the gender you got. Trangenderism was, at best, a form of envy or self-hatred, and at worst, an act of rebellion against God. I wouldn’t hear the words nonbinary or intersex until I was a teenager.

Despite this, my parents were pretty easy-going about gender expression. My brother was allowed to dress up in my princess costumes when we were kids and I could buy clothes from the boy’s section without comment. There were some catches, of course—I was expected to wear a dress or skirt for formal occasions, and I’m not sure they’d ever be okay with my brother wearing anything ‘feminine’ once he was old enough to be a deacon. (He isn’t interested presenting himself as anything other than a cis guy, so I’ve never had the chance to see my hypothesis put to the test.) There was always a framed copy of The Family Proclamation hanging in our house. We had firm convictions about gender, so I never questioned my identity as a woman.

Like most things in my life, that changed when I moved out for college. I discovered a lot of things about myself—I was autistic and ADHD, I had seasonal depression, I would actually rather be a librarian than a teacher, and unlike what I had previously claimed to people, I was much more into women than I was to men, and I fall somewhere on the aroace spectrum. Above all, I discovered that my relationship with my AGAB was far more nebulous than I had assumed as a child.

I never had gender dysphoria, which I thought was an essential part of being trans or nonbinary. I was perfectly satisfied with being a woman, although the casual sexism I’d face was frustrating. And then I heard about ‘gender euphoria.’ I realized that I found joy in experimenting with gender, swinging between androgyny and femininity. I played around with pronouns, and found that being referred to as ‘they’ made me just as happy and comfortable as ‘she.’ (I’m rather indifferent to ‘he’.) When I discovered the term ‘demigirl’, I thought, “Yes, this is me.” I’ve since upgraded to ‘demiwoman’, and occasionally refer to myself as nonbinary.

I think it’s basically a rite of passage to have a gender/sexuality crisis when you’re religious and LGBTQ+. Much like the years after I figured out I was queer, I have moments where I worry that I’m actually just a cis woman who’s so empathetic to her trans and nonbinary friends that she’s fooled herself into thinking she’s demigender. Which is stupid, but nobody has ever claimed that anxiety follows rational thought.

Anyways, I wanted to share a spiritual experience I had lately: after the craziness that is Christmas and navigating through family drama, I had a chance to reflect. I was going over my imposter syndrome and how my gender identity is supposed to fit in with God’s great plan when I had a thought:

You are my daughter, my son, my child.

I wasn’t in the temple or in sacrament meeting. I was in my aunt’s spare room, lying on a crappy couch and staring up at a cat tree. And I still felt the assurance that Heavenly Father sees me. This doesn’t answer any of my questions about church policy or doctrine regarding gender identity, but it gave me hope. People may not think we have a place in the church, that we have to keep our mouths shut and fall in line in order to be in good standing with God. I reject that—there is a place for us, both in the church and in the eternal family. One day we’ll know more, and have a greater understanding, but for now, that one sentence of acknowledgement was enough.

[transtistic]

Sketched out the hats worn by different members of the temple in my Temple in Wait/Black Bell Au and figured it might be nice to go over the hierarchy somewhere! I got the ideas for the hats from Forneus’ canonical hat (but edged in red for death rather than apolitical grey), catholic mitres, benedictine/orthdox monkhood, and of course the red crown itself.

As for the hierarchy it’s a little different than that of an abbey where the person in charge would be an abbot who is either assisted by a Father Superior/Prior of the abbey or is himself the Father Superior/Prior of the abbey. Because while I was a Redwall kid growing up and am basing a lot from that, “abbot” and “abbey” just feel too cozy personally. The highest rank in the Temple/Priory of Death is Father Superior. This role is currently and always has been fulfilled by Paean. The hat as you can see is a sort of two peaked mitre that resembles the red crown.

I suppose since Paean doesn’t use the title of abbot, that position would fall to the Bishop of Death if he were to return.

Forneus is of course the current Subprior— Paean’s second hand. She had separated herself from the cult of death prior to Narinder’s chaining so she wasn’t present for the temple’s creation. Still she has been there nearly as long as Paean at this point. They.. don’t exactly get along well and disagree on most things, but since they both know how to actually kill the other, neither has been willing to risk a physical confrontation.

The Priors!! Aka my mistake that I realized today but is okay because there are priories that have had 3rd 4th and 5th priors that are addressed as Prior NAMEHERE. I started writing before I realized the Prior is supposed to be a term synonymous with Father Superior. Oops whoops and etc. It bugged me that something named sub-prior was over prior, but I didn’t realize I had bad info fed to me. ANYWAYS. It’s staying this way and the named priors will remain as the only priors in my fic.

Prior Haro has remained the lowest ranking prior since he was accepted to the rank and acts as the temple’s librarian and sacrist (keeper of sacred and religious texts). The other two named priors are Prior Vosegus and Prior Vesta. If I accidentally named another I stg I’ll combust.

All of these high positions are denoted by the mitre style and they fact they have a cream/white base (white=pure=holy).

As for lower positions. Oh my god. [Insert intricate rituals meme here]. My god those rituals can intricate. Technically not everyone in a priory has to be religious. I can see the Red Temple taking in non-threatening secular people just to work as extra hands. Quite literally this seems to have the name ‘layperson’ I guess from laity? I’m learning. You’re learning. Shut up and stare at the benedictine abbey Wikipedia’s page with me.

I think(?) how it’s supposed to go is anyone that enters the grounds is first considered an inquirer. They stay this for a time and become a postulant. Once they’re done postulating they become a Novice/Novice Oblate. After so long as a novice they become an Oblate and once an oblate swears to live by, in this case the red crown, they become a monk. Technically there are secular oblates? But then whyd we play Russian nesting dolls with prayer and worship and sworn oaths then? See. Confusing.

Anyways I’m just calling secular people in the temple either inquirers if they live outside the temple or postulants if they live in the temple walls. Religious people come in as postulants and graduate to novice then oblate then monk. Anyone below monks are not to interact with the Consecrated Lambs.

Speaking of the Consecrated exist outside this hierarchy. They are nothing more than fodder and offerings to Paean and cannot take the same vows as other beasts (also because the second the become adult and able to take such a vow they get chopped so). Different rituals may require lambs to wear veils, but they never wear anything on their heads or their hooves. They are already “holy” and should be able to take the fullness of the God of Death on them rather (borrowing from kippot here now bc the catholic answer to why you wear a skullcap is cold heads and not out of a fear of heaven or a reminder of G*d’s presence which fucks harder.)

Heretics are not allowed within temple walls. Prior (hehe) to The Last’s sacrificial death the temple does not accept converts— only worshippers of the red crown and those fleeing heretics.

[chronicbeans]

Hazbin Hotel Rewrite - Abrahamic God

God's going to be a much bigger character in my version of the series. A lot of people, including Charlie, see Him as a villain for His views on redemption and His desire to keep control of the afterlife from the other religions' gods/goddesses. However, He's not necessarily a villain. He's just well aware of the various nuances this afterlife brings and the confusion a change in power may bring.

I've honestly never really liked the idea of villainizing God, more specifically in a show meant to critique some aspects of religion. If it's meant to be a metaphor for another topic in my story, and not a critique on the religion, I don't mind doing it. Not to say you can't do it, but to me it just feels a bit distasteful while I write it, and I much prefer trying to critique the way some people practice the religion (Ex: using it to promote hatred when the religion itself preaches love). I have no problem creating a flawed version of God, though, which I feel can be used to show both sides of the argument.

TW: More In-depth Talk About Religion, Afterlife, Some in Hell see God as Villainous, Mentions of Deist Beliefs (God created the world then stepped back), Me Trying to use capitalized "He" but my Autocorrect might've messed it up Sorry

God is the current controller of the afterlife because Christianity is the most widely practiced religion in the world at the moment (with the bonus of Islam and Judaism also being some of the most practiced, too). If any other religion were to overthrow it, the afterlife would have to change and the power would be given to another religion's religious figures. This process is called The Big Change. God, fearing the absolute chaos that a change of the afterlife would bring with so many souls currently in Heaven and Hell, fears the idea of any of His three religions not being the most commonly practiced. He doesn't want to see any of His children possibly get lost or destroyed in the mayhem.

Whilst many in Hell see him as villainous for keeping a stranglehold on the world, He sees it as the only way to protect His children. He would also heavily approves of Charlie's Hotel, but simply fears that she's taking it too far. Many of the people in Hell are in there for things like mass murder, war crimes, sexual crimes... Things God is afraid they'd simply repeat once they get into Heaven. That's the only real reason why He simply cannot approve her ideas. He sees her as being too optimistic and unaware of the freedoms humans have because she has never been to Earth to watch humans during their life. She's only seen their afterlife, so she thinks that Hell is influencing them to act so poorly. In actuality, God knows that many sinners acted exactly the same in life as they do in Hell.

God is no longer as intertwined with the world as He once was. Whilst He interacted heavily with humanity in Biblical times, He has stepped back to simply watch what happens. He feels that, due to events like the Great Flood, He has caused too much harm to His children and wants them to grow to be more independent while on Earth. In a way, He watches humanity like a parent would watch their children play outside, minus the parent stepping in when they get injured because He is too afraid He'd cause more harm than good. Due to His constant watching, He's more aware than Charlie would ever be of the pain humans can cause one another.

To put it simply, God is not a villain in my version. He is more like a father that's afraid He'd cause pain to His children by interacting with them, so He waits until they enter Heaven to do so.

His fear of interacting with humanity became especially prevalent when humanity began misinterpreting His words to the point where He didn't even remember what He meant by them. There used to be a "right" interpretation of His words, but now He has decided to let humanity choose what they believe He meant. He began to realize that, with free will, His children will always find ways to use His words to do harm, whether they realize it or not. He's ashamed of His inadvertent involvement with historical events like the Crusades, the Witch Trials, and even the demonization of other religions in His name.

It's why He was the one to create the rule that, while the afterlife has a place of punishment and a place of reward, the sins you're judged on will be what you individually believe is right or wrong. Humanity has created so many offshoots of Christianity, Islam, and Judaism, not to mention non-Abrahamic religions, that He'd feel it wrong and unfair to judge someone for not believing the "right" religion. That's what some of His children may be doing, but God isn't so harsh, for He is forgiving. He wants to provide sanctuary for not only all who lived a good life, but for those who suffered at the hands of His overly zealous followers.

He's afraid that redeeming sinners would cause people like war criminals, murderers, and abusers to enter Heaven and re-traumatize their victims. He wants the more tame sinners, like drug addicts, suicide victims, and thieves who stole from necessity to be redeemed, but Charlie's Hotel idea would let any sinner through, no matter what their sin was. His stranglehold on religion is mostly out of His control, but He views it positively not because He wants power over the other religions. Again, it comes down to the fear of losing His children in the chaos of having to reconstruct the afterlife to fit whichever religion gained power over His three (Christianity, Islam, and Judaism). What if one of their souls gets destroyed so badly that it is no longer able to be reincarnated? That has happened before, when Christianity first came into power and caused the afterlife to shift into Heaven and Hell.

When the Gods/Goddesses, and other higher beings of religions first unified to create the world, they had agreed to protect every soul from being destroyed completely. God sees His supremacy as just that. They no longer need to worry about souls being destroyed during The Big Change. While the others may not agree with this, they have no say due to not being in power, and God's fear of His children being lost is too great to sway His opinion. As for His views on the others, they're His friends and colleagues. Much like His children getting harmed by zealot followers of His, He feels ashamed that many of his colleagues have been demonized in order to put His religions on a pedestal, even if He feels the need to keep that pedestal in order to keep the sould safe.

His love doesn't just extend to humanity or his colleagues. He loves His angels, as well. He even loves Lucifer still, despite him trying to overthrow Him. He simply hasn't let Lucifer or the angels who helped him return to Heaven because who would trust someone who tried overthrowing you once to not do it again? He didn't have the heart to destroy Lucifer, so He spared his life by casting him to Hell while crying for him. He let Lucifer live, He let Lucifer build a new life down there, and while it hurts to see one of His beloved angels suffer He can't trust him not to try to overthrow Him once more.

Since God doesn't necessarily have a physical form, and instead presents Himself in many forms according to most religious texts I've seen about the Abrahamic God, I don't believe I'd ever make a design for Him. Much like with the other religious figures, I don't feel comfortable doing so. The one thing is I might have to draw Him because He's a much bigger role in my version of Hazbin than the canon show, so I'd most likely use various designs instead of one. The only similarity between them would be that, when He cries, His tears are gold. They're not ichor, but just actual liquid gold that pours from His eyes, and when He cries it actually rains gold in Heaven.

I feel like my interpretation might open the door to see from both sides. Many rightfully have a sort of fear of Christianity due to how many horrible historical events came about due to people wanting to spread it across the globe, many religions have been demonized to put it on a higher pedestal, and many use it as a shield and way to make themselves seem better than others. However, many also forget that Christianity, Islam, and Judaism share the same God. That, and many forget that the religion, itself, tries to promote love, kindness, and acceptance. While some of the sins stated in the Bible may be outdated, the idea of it being a religion that promotes hatred is one built on the fact many use it as an excuse to hate.

So, my interpretation is meant to act as a critique of both the side that uses Christianity to promote hatred, fear, and anger, as well as the side that is highly against Christianity without acknowledging that it's not the religion in the wrong, but just a select group who use it as a weapon.

[unpopularopinionbydemand]

Boys in Love - Ep. 1 Review *✦

— Overall Thought: I like the main pairing ???

Okay, so first: I'm so upset that I didn't realize that this had started coming out. YouTube??? The f*ck is going on ??? Bc I am a broke college student, I have unfortunately turned into a pirate. Please don't hate me :,/

Anyways, let's get into the review!!

ep. 1 ratings 𓄷 7 - Pretty good for a first episode. It's not higher than a 7 cause I did fall asleep during, not the series fault, but. a tired college girl's fault. Nice setup, the cinematography is f*cking gorgeous, and MR.DIMPLES !!!!

spotlight couple of the week 𓄷 SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH, SHANE & KIT !

spotlight actor of the week 𓄷 Papang (Tan) -- He's already serving so much of what I wanted him to be, I LOVE IT

*✦ review:

Decent first episode, and this is coming from someone who genuinely hates first episodes of most BL series.

Lots of tropes already, 'come closer or you'll get ran over by children', 'let me wipe that for you', just to name a few.

So, who was going to tell me that Mick is Win's (2gether) brother?? I was sitting there like, "why do I feel like I know this dude..?" Either way, he honestly really surprised me. So far, I'm enjoying his acting which is rare when it comes to new faces, especially with GMMTV. Luke (Kit) isn't all that bad either.

Papang !! He's already playing everything I needed and more. The overbearing, overly-perfect teacher meets the cute/chill newbie. I fear, they will quickly become my favorites (especially since they're giving me the vibes of the teachers from Heartstopper)

MR.DIMPLES !! I'm more of a slow-burn girlie, so I don't LOVE the fast-pace relationship that I feel is coming, but it's Mr.Dimples, so I won't complain too much. Chokun is a f*cking cutie, like seriously, he can do no harm. Aston has this thing he does with his eyes which is kind of freaking me out a little, ngl, but other than that, I'm enjoying them.

What took me by surprise is how much I'm loving the main pairing. I didn't care for them much during the trailer, and I didn't think that would change, but when you present to me two actors that are relatively good as newbies, then I'm sold. I'm excited to see where their story goes.

As far as the cinematography, it's gorgeous. Did GMMTV switch providers or production houses, or however that works? Their series have been looking so different lately (in a good way of course).

Weekly Gripe:

I'm not sure how I feel about the voice-over quite yet. It's not annoying enough to make me feel perturbed, but it will also annoy me if it just randomly stops, so for their sake, I hope they continue it.

*✦Moment of the week:

Of course, it's the scene that I watched religiously when the trailer came out. No surprises here.

Be back next week to squeal about them some more.

(All gifs/pictures are not mine, and belong to their rightful owners :)

[alleyskywalker]

I sat down to write my reaction post to the second ep of HOTD and…realized Idk how to approach it, where to start. And not because I hated every single thing about it – like with ep1 there were lots of good or at least interesting moments. There were other choices I wouldn’t have personally liked in any circumstance but that weren’t necessarily bad in and of themselves if they’d been in another show, surrounded with other context or other scenes. The problem is how ridiculously biased this writing is and how that bias and the ridiculousness of it permeates everything, even the parts that were good or fine or reasonably in character. We knew, of course, even from S1, that the writing was biased. But this season it feels especially blatant.

How am I supposed to feel about say…Jae’s funeral? On one hand, a gut-wrenching scene, carried so well by Olivia and Phia’s superb understated acting. It’s a scene that has every reason to be there – royal funeral processions/spectacles were (and still are) normal. And even if it’s not a regular occurrence in this universe (questionable), it’s a very good and smart play by Otto. On the other hand, is it not suspect that the funeral of this child was less of a melancholy moment of mourning like Luke’s funeral (despite the obviously grieving family) but focused on Helaena’s panic attack at being too close to too many people, and with the distraction of Jae’s cart getting stuck in the mud (was that supposed to be symbolic of something???). Do we not remember TB shrieking long before the episode aired that the Greens have a public funeral for Jae “just to make the Greens look bad”? These people are known for the worst faith takes, so what does it say that the writers apparently agree with them?

How am I supposed to feel about Alicent’s inability to successfully, if at all, to comfort her children? Is this a potentially interesting exploration of how her own grief, guilt, self-blame/low self-esteem, and complicated relationship with her kids due to their common and individual family traumas (and, in Helaena’s case…neurodivergence, I guess?) have and are affecting her? Or is it just a low-key attempt at character assassination, given that last season she was shown as perfectly capable of showing affection to her children (more than one with Aemond, hugging Helaena and making other attempts when she was less receptive, even kissing Aegon at the coronation despite their turbulent relationship)?

Is Alicent’s self-blame and guilt a potentially interesting exploration of how grief can affect people, of what happens when a person feels they are breaking some moral or ethical or religious code of conduct that they sincerely believe in/believe they can be punished for breaking? Or does the narrative blame her too/knows that a large chunk of the audience will too or at least will find the self-blame and guilt pathetic or unsympathetic (because goodness knows that’s all Twitter/X has to say on the matter, it seems).

How am I supposed to feel about Aegon hanging the ratcatchers? Of course, Otto is right – this was a terrible thing to do, not just because it was politically a misstep, but first of all because there were many innocent people executed without trial. It’s a canonical event, and in context of Aegon’s grief and fury, it’s interesting in and of itself, it’s part of the commentary on the wreckage that war and nobles’ games cause. I’d have no issue with it, except…. Why was this made into a literal cartoon-villain-esque kick the dog moment? By making me feel sorry for the sad, cute puppy am I supposed to think that hanging Cheese was somehow wrong? After he sawed off a child’s head? And why is it that the smallfolk get angry when Aegon hands the ratcatchers but not when Rhaenys trembles dozens of smallfolk in the dragon pit? How come Aegon is held accountable for all his mistakes, at least by the people closest to him, and Criston very specifically sends a kingsguard member to impersonate his twin and kill Rhaenyra, but the show removed maximum responsibility from Daemon and of course made sure that Rhaenya was just appalled by the whole thing. (And suddenly cares about Helaena? I actually rolled my eyes at that line so hard it hurt.)

What am I to think of the messy/awkward/complicated TG family dynamics? They’re interesting! They’re fun! They could make for some great television (and fic lol). I could/should/would enjoy this. But on the other hand, when TB get all these bonding moments, or the potential messiness (e.g. Rhaena feeling ignored by her father) is ignored in like 85% of situations? And when this imbalance is not at all in the book? (When it feels like they wanted to cut/held off on Daeron specifically because he was so sweet and mild tempered and beloved by everyone?) It becomes frustrating, not fun.

At what point do I need to decide that this show isn’t worth it? After all, I think the sentiment that “maybe this is just not telling the kind of story you want to hear/watch” is generally a wise approach. Except…that would hold if this was an original show or if it was one of those “loosely based on/inspired by” things that were not pretending to be adaptations. But when you’re advertised an adaptation, you’re not coming in blind. Ideally, you’re coming in knowing what sort of story you’re coming for, at the very least. Unlike  ASOIAF, the Dance is a fully finished story. There shouldn’t have been any “nasty surprises” like some people got in the last seasons in GoT…

But they mentioned Daeron by name. Tom’s acting is incredible. We know I’m not going anywhere for now lmao.

Maybe I won’t do my usual type of notes/reaction post this time, after all I’ve said so much of what I most feel right now anyway.

Sorry for the depression/pessimism guys. I’m just so tired.

[ianthe-is-a-bitch-and-i-love-her]

I first realized that the best ghost stories are love stories after watching The Haunting of Bly Manor, and though I've experienced a lot of media since that reaffirmed that understanding, The Narrow by Kate Alice Marshall really feels like it's closing the loop. It rhymes with Bly in a way that feels like I've come to the end of some great journey, and am now prepared to start another. Like Bly, The Narrow is a story about abuse. It's a story about possession, in more than one sense. And it's a story that asserts that true love, the love that's worth keeping, is the love that knows how to let go.

Our story follows Eden, a senior at a prestigious private boarding high school rich with history and legends, especially around its deadly river, The Narrow, which is unapologetically based on the Bolton Strid. Eden is excited to return to school and escape a summer vacation marred by a profound abuse that she is refusing to think about. However, upon arrival she discovers that her parents have neglected to pay her tuition - coincidentally, they've had to pay a lot of legal fees recently - and she is forced to take on a unique arrangement to remain enrolled. She must act as the live-in companion of fellow student Delphine, a reclusive girl who cannot leave her carefully refurbished dorm room, as any contact with water sends her into seizures. Eden knows something about Delphine that almost no one else does, however - at the beginning of her first year, Eden saw Delphine fall into The Narrow and be swept away - and what The Narrow takes is never returned.

The mystery at the heart of the story is, ultimately, not that complicated, but it is beautiful in its simplicity and the way it plays with the reader's expectations. Those expectations are shaped heavily by Eden's point of view, and Eden is a triumph of an unreliable narrator. She actively avoids thinking about things that weigh on her and occasionally skates over her own actions where they clash with her self-image, but these more obvious and dramatic omissions draw attention away from the subtler ways that her biases and coping mechanisms shape her understanding of the world around her, and it took me until about the three-quarters mark to know where and how to disbelieve her perceptions. She is incredibly compelling, deeply empathetic, and absolutely drowning in self-worth issues. The supporting cast is equally compelling, and the author injects a surprising sense of depth into each member of her friend group in remarkably few lines. Each give the impression of being flawed, well-rounded, but fundamentally decent people, and they all feel very distinct from one another. I was going to highlight one of them as a favorite example, but I genuinely can't pick between them. The adults too are well-rounded and compelling, which I feel is often a shortcoming of horror in an academic setting (is that what dark academia is? no one will tell me). And of course Delphine herself is quite compelling; a little odd, very intense, and eminently sympathetic, her dynamic with Eden is fresh, engaging, and believable.

One thing I really want to highlight about this story is its willingness to engage with real-life messiness that is often elided in ghost stories and love stories. The mechanics of the supernatural are not well understood in this story, and no tomes of ancient lore exist to guide the protagonists. Their methods of interfacing with the supernatural are cobbled together from their own intuition and their vague impressions of the occult from pop culture and religious mysticism, and their efficacy is neither reliable nor consistent. Similarly, the story is not afraid of engaging with the fragility and volatility of young love, the way it can feel all-consuming and eternal in one moment and fizzle out the next. This sort of messiness always appeals to me in fiction, and it is remarkably rare outside of deliberate genre subversions, so I was absolutely thrilled with it here.

I would recommend The Narrow without hesitation to anyone who likes ghost stories. I would also recommend it for its exploration of abuse in a variety of forms, and for its depiction of the aftermath of said abuse. Take that same recommendation as a content warning, though, and I'll toss in a more specific one for involuntary drug use.

[nerdlingmerchling]

So, I've watched Out of Darkness (2022) starring Mr Kit Young himself. 🎬 🎞

Full disclaimer, I hate horror movies, but I watched it anyway cause Kit (yes, it's a good reason). My verdict is that it's more of a thriller than a horror movie, and to my delight, it didn't rely heavily on jump scares.

It's rare to see movies set in the paleolithic era, and I think that's where the true originality of this movie lies. The costumes and props look overall pretty authentic, up to the stitching of the clothes, which I was happy about. It shows that there had been some anthropological research done beforehand.

The made-up Tola language was such an interesting, fascinating aspect to the movie, and all of the actors sounded exactly as if they had spoken it all their lives. They adopted such unique intonation that I even had a hard time recognizing Kit's voice at first. Acting was incredible, from everyone, and from start to finish.

Also, very glad to see an ethnically diverse group of prehistoric humans. Some recent studies tend to show that paleolithic groups were more complex in terms of origins than we might think.  So, props to the casting direction for that.

I also loved how this movie was much more than a slasher and had a true reflexion on what it is, and what it means to be human.  The movie was efficient in presenting the characters and their individual motivations. Each of the six main characters represented different angles of human nature : ego, ruthlessness, innocence, kindness, religious zeal, and determination/weakness. I thought it was such a great way to explore that theme.

It's also a beautifully-shot movie, which shows its Scottish Highlands setting in all its gloomy glory : making it both breathtaking and menacing. No green screen in sight, and you can feel the harshness of the elements piercing through the screen.

Overall, I had a good time, but I'm a sensitive creature, and I was still affected by the movie hours after I was done watching it. Much of it has to do with the character played by Kit.

Character analysis and SPOILERS under the cut :

Kit plays Geirr, a young hunter and the most sympathetic character overall. To no one's surprise, Kit plays him with a lot of nuance.

Geirr is a hunter and a warrior by necessity. He's a gentle, sensitive, artistic soul and the stark opposite to his older brother Adem, the leader of the group, who's proud, selfish, and prone to violent outbursts.

Geirr has a special bond with Beyah, a teenage girl the group picked up "en route". The others still treat her as a stray and an outsider. Geirr, though, accepts her and sees her as being part of their little tribe. He vows to protect and take care of her.

Very few people smile in that movie, but when someone does, it's usually Geirr, and he's smiling at Beyah.

You might think at first that their attachment is a brother-sister or friends type of bond, but something happens that make the viewer understand Geirr's feelings for her extend further than that. While the group is resting after a day of walking the treacherous terrain, Geirr realizes his friend's pants are stained in blood, and he looks alarmed. She's having her first periods ; she's a woman now, and that means leader Adem can get to have a claim on her as he pleases.

Well aware of that fact, Geirr is devastated, and you understand at once that he was hoping to make Beyah his own companion.

You also understand that he's not going to fight for her. He's going to suffer in silence, accept the situation and accept his brother's authority. Because that's the thing with Geirr ; he's not a fighter. And throughout the movie, Beyah is going to prove that she has a lot more fight in her than he does.

Geirr is someone who has principles, and he's going to follow those principles even when it leads him to suffering or even be at risk of dying. He refuses to kill someone, even out of mercy, or to resort to cannibalism, even when it's the sole way to survive.

By the end of the movie, he has given up, and it becomes clear he's not destined to make it. It makes his death even more devastating, because you're still hoping against hope that he's going to live.

I'm still mourning that sweet prehistoric cinnamon bun, and I blame Kit's acting (and his face) for my emotional turmoil.

[eldritch-spouse]

(I'm not sure if my last ask went through or if Tumblr really goofed like it said it did so just in case...)

This post...!

https://www.tumblr.com/eldritch-spouse/718874950601179136/is-it-possible-for-us-as-admin-to-be-romantically?

I love this. I want to know more about their dynamic and how things change but I'm not sure what to ask exactly. Is the harem recognized officially or is it still a toeing the line type situation because Krulu doesn't like to share? Are they all dads to the kids now? How do their wishes change? I'm not sure what else, random trivia? Sickly monster harem is right up my alley 🥺

[Okay, I'll try to make this coherent. There's a lot of complexity to this dynamic I can't shove in one ask though.]

Is it official?

It's sort of an unspoken truth. Everyone knows they're part of a harem but it isn't said out loud. Every worker agrees they're entirely devoted to you and will do anything to be in your favor, even if it means sharing you between themselves tightly.

Krulu himself recognizes exactly what's happening here, and it's entirely to his advantage, as this sickly infatuation not only ensures maximum productivity, it inspires great loyalty and susceptibility to manipulation in his workers. You're allowed to bed them, especially if you do so to pleasure him, but he will always hold more value to you than everyone else. There are instances in which you are shared between Krulu and one of the staff, and he makes it very clear he dominates your mind and affection.

Are they all dads?

No.

Krulu and Belo are the only ones that get the title of fathers. But that doesn't mean the other ones can't act as unofficial parental figures. In fact, all of them would delight in it.

They're obsessed with you, Adrul and Adelo are extensions of you, most of them would adore to play a big part in the younglings' lives. All of them would probably shed a tear if either of the kids called them "dad".

Santi obviously suffers a lot more than others. In this context, his wish is to be able to stand kids so he can be a parental figure to Adrul and Adelo with you.

How do wishes change?

Not all of them change. Some like Vinnel's and Grimbly's remain static.

Right now, I can only think of the slight change in motivation regarding Santi. Forgive me, if something else occurs, I'll add it here.

Trivia

There's a likely chance Ludwig would eventually get sucked into this mess. He wants happiness so bad, and seeing the way the staff gets to be so close to you, so happy- Even if he knows this is beyond fucked up, he'll give in to his desperation and jealousy;

Orgy nights are common and encouraged by Krulu, as a way to keep the bond between you all tightened through depravity and affections;

Strictly dominant monsters, such as Nebul and Morell, can and will adopt submissive demeanors without much pressure. They recognize you as superior, and find themselves very honored when you choose to sexually submit to them;

Religious fanaticism, which is already somewhat present in all of their minds, is cranked up to eleven in this scenario. They not only deify you, they're a lot more reverent of Krulu for gifting you to them;

Mother is very proud of you. You are the most successful of her shards, in fact, she sees a lot of herself in you. You are endlessly captivating, and you've surrounded yourself with endless love. You're desired, worshiped and a maternal figure. She treasures you;

Although this dynamic is centered around the core staff members, garden anomalies and the aquarium mers are eventually dragged into your orbit as well. The staff will voyeuristically enjoy watching you get ravaged in the garden by the gargoyle, Hellion and Colmei- Or balk when both you and Krulu take Magus and Glauk for a spin;

Adrul and Adelo will find monogamous relationships to be odd as they grow up. It floors them when they realize that's how the majority of relationships work.

[lqtraintracks]

Is there a difference between what you find the hottest in smut and what you find the hottest in reality? Are there parallels?

You sure came in here with a banger, didn't you?

I let this marinate for a few days (a week?) something like that. The trick is probably going to be in giving a genuine answer that also doesn’t bare all of me and my secret fantasies to the internet. The answer would be a little more detailed in a circle of friends rather than shared on the tumbles. 

Be that as it may (under a cut because of sexual topics):

Is there are difference? Yes. Are there parallels? Yes, and even hell yes.

I write things I would never want to try myself. Watersports. Great on the page. SUPER hot. It can be hot to me when other people engage in it; under certain circumstances I could watch it. Have less than zero interest in doing it.

There are plenty of things I find hot both on the page and in my own mind that would be hard nos in reality. Deep-throating? Hot in fic. Sometimes in porn, though it has to be ~just right~. In reality, it’s a hell no for me. No shame to people for whom it is a hell yes! That’s why I love writing it! It’s hot. In theory. And when I’m in control of how it happens and to whom, and I can zoom in on their inner thoughts and desires while it happens. That’s what makes it hot for me more than even the thing itself. 

That said, yes, there are plenty of parallels. There are plenty of things that I write that I also love to do, have done, etc. I will leave that to your imagination! But I’ve realized pretty recently that I’m sort of gray ace and demi as well as queer. I would rather read about most things, write most things, than do them. Doesn’t mean I haven’t done and enjoyed a lot of them or won’t again. I’ve lived what I can safely say is likely more than half the life I’m going to get. I’ve done a lot. I’ve tried a lot that I loved, that I hated, that I’m neutral about, that was bad with one person but then great with another. I’ve been top, bottom, Dom, sub, tried lots of positions and role plays and places and kinks and sorts of people. I’ve had traumatic experiences and ecstatic ones. I’ve had boring sex and off-putting sex and one night stands and years-long relationships, good and bad. I have an extremely prolific sexual imagination, and I enjoy my own company. If you know what I mean.

But there’s a reason I write so much smut. I absolutely love it. When I’m writing sex, I’m both in complete control and absolutely uninhibited. I bare my soul with all my clothes still on. I write characters having near-religious experiences with each other and can simultaneously give them orgasms and soul-shattering love. It’s messy but only in the ways that I decree. If I want to do something realistic and have someone stop in the middle of anal sex because they feel like they’re about to shit themselves (and their partner) I can—but I don’t have to! It’s idealized, which makes it both less and more than real sex. I can experience hate sex without hating anyone! I can explore pain play more than I could probably stand in real life (giving or receiving). It’s a different kind of creative act, sometimes fueled by actual sexual fantasies but just as much by my writer’s drive to try something new with my art and to explore characters without limitations.

I hope this yes-and-no answer isn’t too unsatisfying. If so, just go read some smut instead! I’ve found that tends to do the trick. :D

Thanks for the balls-out ask! I had fun thinking about it! <3

[leoblooms]

i desperately wish to hear more about your ocs they sound cool as hell

aw wow thank you that's so awesome to hear <3 I wanna make more art of them they're so fun

Annddd If you wanna read something I wrote this journal Irijah would have kept! You can find it HERE

Here's some other ramblings tho:

Amadeus started out pretty small as you can see in the journal, just freeloading and playing in bars. But he quickly garners a following for his charisma and natural ability to light up a room. In this universe any known Gods have fallen and died (God Fall citizens call it), so people are looking for anything to fill the void. That's where someone like Amadeus comes in who is more than happy to be a god.

Irijah was just unlucky enough to catch Amadeus' attention and be brought along for the ride until it caught up to him.

I didn't talk much about this, but something I love doing with Irijah is having it so he's super strong-willed when he's younger, but then slowly gets a lot more meek around Amadeus. The more he becomes dependents and obsessed with him, the more he loses of himself.

It gets to the point that he can't even imagine Amadeus orchestrating that attack, but it hits him so hard when he realizes that it's true. His story doesn't line up, it feels too lucky that Amadeus happened to be checking in on him that day. Then of course he got so cold and distant, Amadeus left him for dead. I think now Irijah, while somewhat withdrawn, is slowly gaining that old side to him back but he's much less trusting of people. He's more concerned about finding Amadeus (looking for followers who have a similar marking that they all gave themselves) and getting his revenge.

He thankfully taught himself a spell that would aid in him seeing his environment and vague outlines and body heat of people even though he's been since blinded. This helps him to look for said marking on ears.

Amadeus meanwhile is having a ball joining a bunch of adventurers that he can slowly manipulate, to maybe turn against each other lol

Other little things

Irijah is heavily based on beatnik culture in clothing and writing, while Amdeus is very psychedelic.

Both of their backstories are unknown to an extent, haivng their own reasons for abstracting them. Amadeus is completely unknown, like he just popped into existence, whereas Irijah comes from a formerly very religious family who he left for questioning too much prior to "God Fall"

Irijah and Amadeus' names were chosen super specifically (Irijah roughly translating to either 'fear of god' or 'the lord sees' and Amadeus meaning 'loved by god')

Irijah would grow flowers (scarlet begonias) around the tent he lived in with Amadeus and press them into his notebooks. He gave some to Amadeus who put some in a locket he always has around his neck. Since losing his nose as well, Irijah misses being able to smell flowers tbh

Speaking of, Amadeus always has a locket that has dried begonia petals and also some of Irijah's hair that he cut off before leaving him

Amadeus barely means anything he says, it's very hard to tell when he's being genuine because most of it is an act. I think early on Irijah got the true Amadeus at points (who could be passionate but also jealous and petty)

[cultkinkcoven]

Let’s talk about Angels!

Hello all,

I am an eclectic witch and I have been working (seriously) with a few angels, mostly Jophiel, Haniel, and Raziel, and a couple others, for about 4 or so years.

Many folks on seem very interested in summoning and contacting angels. I wanted to share some of my insight with you guys as someone who works primarily with angels. I’d love to hear your guys’ perspectives on them as well.

Something to keep in mind: My experiences and perspectives on these infinitely complex and impossible to understand entities are not the one true most valid ones. My experiences will be different from yours and that is okay and to be expected. While we can always converse and theorize together we must always respect and understand that we really truly don’t know shit 🖤🖤

So you wanna contact an angel. What does that mean?

One of the most important things we humans have to consider when working with angels is that our matter of perspective is super important to how we classify entities.

What are considered angels to some, are gods and demons to others. We consider angels to be angelic because of their nature and attitudes, but it is incredibly important to remember that just because one entity may be called “angel” and the other “demon” does not mean that the angel is this happy go lucky chummy fellow, and the demon is some evil bringer of chaos. Both of these entities are capable of being kind, loving and helpful, and both will quickly put you in your place if pushed to. Both will be willing to work with you regardless of your faith and what gods you follow. The difference between these two entities is more political than physiological.

I have consistently observed with many angels that you do not necessarily have to be religious to work with them. They are very subordinate to the idea of God, whichever God that may be for you, but it is not mandatory. They may ask you to consult “God”, but I have come to realize that they mean something totally different than we do when they use the word “God.” (That is super super important imo)

When I first started working with Jophiel, I only “worshipped” the mother goddess. With him we dabbled with YHVH and some others before becoming comfortable where we are now. With every God I’ve worked with, my angels have adjusted accordingly. Some may speak occasionally about “The one true God”, but again, I don’t think that’s something that we have the best understanding of as a species yet.

Invoking angels “in the name of ______” increases their strength and likelihood of manifesting in my experience as, angels naturally serve and aid God. God means many things. For example, an angel I work with who is very close to Father Lucifer will manifest far better when invoked in the name of Lucifer. My saint Haniel manifests with greater ease when invoked in the name of The Mother Moon or Lady Venus. I’ve played around with this a lot and it seems that angels just like to be aided in their energy when we call on them by a “greater” power. Some food for thought!

Believing in the angel themselves definitely is required as this is a demonstration of faith, but angels are not as concerned with religion as you may think. Some may insist that you are some kind of believer, some are very closed to YHVH, others are less so. Some will want you to be some kind of monotheist, others won’t have an opinion on that whatsoever.

Different angels have different natures, classes, and orders. It’s a good idea to have a very great understanding of angelic hierarchy before doing any kind of work with them. A seraphim for example may present themselves far differently than a Cherub, an archangel, or a lesser angel. Fallen angels may act differently as well. Each angel will have their own energy, opinions on things, and correspondences. Some angels are very fond of humanity and are very willing to be of assistance in magical operations. Some angels are very indifferent towards humanity and might not want anything to do with you. If you’re repeatedly being told no, do yourself a favour and leave them alone.

Don’t make this mistake of underestimating them because they are classified as a “lesser” angel or are not considered a “Great Saint” like Micheal or Raphael. The order of the hierarchy does not necessarily speak to importance or power, just their distance away from us on Earth.

Some angels are more accustomed to modern humans, crack jokes, and are in the know about pop culture , others may speak in very broken english and lots of things may seem to go over their heads. Some angels are very physical and will want to touch or caress you, some will keep their distance. Some angels enjoy sex and others don’t have any ability to experience it. All angels have a completely different set of morals than we do. They may seem aloof or ornery at times. Don’t assume they’re evil just because they don’t come off as enthusiastic.

No two angels are the same. Don’t contact Raphael and expect the experience to be anything like contacting Raziel. Make sure you know exactly who you’re contacting and that you have a good reason. Know what they are all about and what they represent. Don’t assume that what worked for one guy is gonna work for someone else. Likewise I suggest not talking badly on any other entities while in an angels presence, even demons or beings you think are “bad”. Many of these angels are related in ways we might not know. Don’t make the assumption that Micheal “hates all demons”. Talking bad on Asmodeus isn’t gonna gain you points with Raphael.

Avoid testing them by asking them questions like what happens after you die. Some may humour you but it’s generally considered rude and they are not here to spill the beans on all of the great secrets of life. Some might, but always ask these questions with reverence and accept “none of your business kid” as a valid answer.

Angels are quite proud of their names and will usually announce them upon arrival. Likewise they will likely correct you if you have them confused for someone else. Always be willing and ready to interrogate your angel in a safe and respectful way. It is important that you are knowledgeable on tricksters.

When you’re working with angels, be sure not to underestimate them. They are not your pets and they do not exist to make you feel good about yourself. They do not exist to simply tell you good things. They are brutally honest.

Higher angels, like Archangels, are *intense* and burn *very bright*. I’ve seen many people share the idea that unlike working with a demon, there are no prices to be paid when working with an angel. This is only half true. Angels usually don’t accept offerings, they don’t make traditional deals like other spirits may. But, they are an incredibly holy and intense thing to witness. Their presence can be mind altering. You really really need to mentally and physically prepare yourself for such an encounter. They will never make any attempts to harm you on purpose (unless you’re extremely out of line), but it can happen on accident if you aren’t being careful. It is in many ways like looking directly into the sun. This will likely exhaust you. Take breaks and don’t go too hard too fast. Some angels are more considerate than others.

Many higher angels don’t fuck around. These guys are not really beginner friendly. An angel like Michael is a holy warrior and is going to expect that you are committed and disciplined. He is a gargantuan energy and the ultimate protector. Do not flagrantly call upon his energy. Not to say that Michael is not incredibly kind and considerate, but that his energy is so INTENSE that his presence should only be invoked with intention.

The angel I work most often with sometimes appears in a form that is so huge I cannot see the top of him, like a mountain. He can appear truly terrible like an Erdrich horror. Other times they can appear so bright that it feels like my eyes might fry out of my skull. Sometimes they can be extremely loud, like cracking thunder. Other times they can seem extremely quiet, like they’ve muted the whole world. They can appear in human or animal form. Male, female, or something in between. Sometimes they just appear as rays of light or waves of energy. We must be not afraid even when they are being weird as fuck lol.

There are many methods. I like to use sigils and scrying mirrors as well as their names as a mantra for meditation. Whatever works for you is valid. 🖤🖤

[our-transgender-experiences]

Hi Alex. Is it ok to vent a little bit a lot? It's completely fine if you don't post any response, I completely understand. This is a HUGE experience prompt to respond to.

I was birthed with the male sex (he/him) so you can call me that.

Over the past year and two months, I've been feeling just a little off. I keep a journal, and have since before that moment, so I have my experience written down carefully. In short form, I don't know who I am. In a longer form, I'm a weird, cringey high schooler who doesn't know who they are, who wears a galaxy backpack to school, who is agnostic (Christian, but can't prove it right or wrong), aromantic, and asexual. My experience isn't special by any means, in fact, I think I fit literally every queer stereotype known to mankind? Here's the best part: I live in Oklahoma, the famous place of Nex Benedict's horrific death.

About a month ago, I saw "Celeste" in a YouTube video about some of the hardest, but most enjoyable, games of all time. I looked it over, it's on sale for $5, and I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford that. So I got it and finished it within 3 days. I instantly recommended it to my brother, who also happens to be a little queer. He loved it too, but I STILL didn't know the backstory behind that game. Then, I saw the video. It was an amazing reading of Celeste, down to every minor detail of the game. One thing that stood out, was the fact that the both the creator, and the protagonist, were trans women. Even better: it was known for being a wonderful story of the trans experience, and I RELATED TO IT. EVEN BETTER: I had now recommended it to practically my entire friend group, including some incredibly religious people. So what was I gonna do about it? Not care, and continue onto the B-sides.

I want to say 5 days ago was when it really kicked in that "wait a minute, I related to Madeline in a very deep way, and she's a trans..." Now this is the climax, get ready. Because I had been journaling for so long, I had already written about my experience since those early days where I had that so-called dysphoria. And after I realized that could be because I'm trans, I immediately asked my parents what my girl names were before I was born. (doctors didn't know my sex until about two weeks before I was due) "Eden" is a pretty cool name, I guess I'll try it. I walk into my dad's office (works from home) that same day after school, and he immediately turns to me and asks: "So why did you need to know your girl names?" I immediately respond with "... idk?" Very convincing, well done. I text him after I flee to my room, "I'm experimenting, don't take that too seriously" He understands, and I'm at peace. Mom also takes it well, and we're good to actually begin the experiments I was "planning".

First up, change the online bios, like Discord. See how it actually looks on me. AAAAND my best friend sees it within a few hours. Not even prompted, we were talking, playing rocket league, and he just "hey why's your bio say you're experimenting with 'Eden' as your new name?" Explained, but he was in a weird spot. "I'm happy and will support you with whatever you **choose**." Key word there, I'm not choosing anything. I'm actually going with the flow so much more than he could imagine. But okay, we've got a pretty good ally on our side! Going great.

Except here comes "Part of Me" with the anxiety of what could happen, why I shouldn't do anything different around peers, and more importantly why I shouldn't experiment with myself. And to be honest, I believe that part of me. There's so many questions that I ask like "but what if it's all for attention?" or "but you always acted like a boy, why are you changing now? or "maybe the other Christians were right. you are a sinner after all, you're a bad person and you DO deserve to die." You know those.

And with those come the questioning part of it. Am I ACTUALLY just doing what I'm doing for attention? Like I said, I'm a high schooler. I'm a future aerospace engineer for SpaceX, I love computers, and I have top 1% test scores as a sophomore. I'm doing good with school, but that's exactly why I basically have one friend who is also up there with me. I'm not here to brag, I'm here to show that I don't get a lot of attention at school, it's basically all family members who care about me. So again, am I just trying this for attention? I don't think so, but that seems like what my brain would want me to say.

And to be honest, I needed this. I vent every day, but to nobody except Google advertisement algorithms out of Google Docs (my journal). I vent and cry into empty space, but maybe this is finally not just to my phone. This is to another human who I think has had a close experience to mine.

And of course I'm not going to ask you "who am I, who do I like, and what's my gender?" But I am going to ask you one thing: What's your take? I mean this is the trans experiences blog, but I'm not sure if I am a trans. I figured this was the best place to get a good use out of my time. Thank you so much for letting people like me do this, it seriously means a lot.

i'm glad that you feel that this is a space where you can comfortably talk about your experience, and question your gender. My advice, is to keep experimenting,and see where it takes you find out what you're comfortable with, it might take time, and it might change. It took me a while to get to where i am now, and even now i'm not 100% sure. i tried different labels that felt right at the time, but they changed later, and thats okay.

[bam-monsterhospital]

Wrothgar's Main Quest

When you look for people's overall opinions on the main quest in Wrothgar, you'll inevitably get the response that it was one of eso's stronger questlines; better written, not about a world-ending threat and so more down-to-earth and relatable, better characters, on and on. Then you go to play the main quest...

Wrothgar has the same problems as the rest of elder scrolls online. While it doesn't suffer the skeletal, bare-minimum, idiotic, did-you-just-use-chatgpt-to-produce-this? lack of writing skill more recent dlcs suffer from, Wrothgar still carries the root attitudes present all throughout eso that drag everything else down:

Spoilers for orsinium down below

The new king who is promoting change -in this case, progress- in a civilization is evil. His progressivism, enabling women of an entire species to step out of the unchallenged traditional role of marriage-slave and actually be people, is actually evil and needs to be stopped. It's toooooootally not about allowing women to be people because he too has an entire harem of wives in his palace. No really guys, he's bad news and you shouldn't go along with him or like him because he killed a guy!

His mom is eeeeevilll. Never trust an old lady. Never trust a mom, OR a momma's boy. The new religion she's pushing is pushing out the old religion, and no we're never ever going to talk about how (even in orc cultural knowledge) the otherworldly foci of these two religious movements are the SAME BEING. NEVER ADDRESSED. NEVER TALKED ABOUT. What, you want a solution to this problem? you want integration or mixing or acceptance? fuck you, this is eso. Religions that the writers don't see as xtianity stand-ins are evil cults; that's how things work right?

Lesbians? hahaha, no lesbians don't exist. Why would orc women be into other women, they're state-mandated to not be. Those two ladies running the bathhouse in orsinium? no shhh don't pay attention to them.

you have to kill the change. obviously the best resolution for this entire questline isn't to allow space for more than one way of orcish life, no. we gotta go back to the butchering mormon-izing of malacath, and every woman needs to be a wife. that's the only way.

orcs are barbarians. look at this landscape littered with ruins; those ruins are from previous attempts at building up orsimer civilization. all destroyed by humans: bretons, nords, redguard. But shhh, don't think about that. Just traipse right on in, don't feel bad for the orsimer, that's not what this is about, pshhhhh ignore it. orcs are barbarians.

Of course there are good bits to it. Eveli's character is refreshing in that she actually goes through an arc: what starts as a naive eager-to-adventure person realizes adventuring involves a lot of politics, it's all very complicated, and people will always get hurt no matter what you do. Does she swear off adventuring? No, but she needs a breather to re-think things. It's good. They butchered her in blackwood, but in orsinium she's got the foundation for an interesting character.

And honestly I think that's what people remember most about the main questline in orsinium. That it had characters who acted like characters: consistently, in ways that make sense to what was established before, y'know, the basics of writing competently.

It's been a while since I've done orsinium and I enjoyed that aspect of it back then (also i love the architecture of the city of orsinium, its tall towers and how it actually looks like a city... not to mention wrothgar is beautiful)... but woof... yeah wrothgar is not devoid of its faults. I only really touched on one aspect, and didn't even go into detail on it; just tip-of-the-iceberg stuff i could remember off the top of my head.

[mastcrmarksman]

I loved the other one so ooooh thoughts on hawkdevil then 😊

Send me a potential ship with my/our muses, and I’ll give my thoughts on it.

also influenced by you.

a litle 616 canon context, although we aren't going fully with this four some event pulled from 616 some pulled from nmcu, you know the fusion universe. 616 canon, they actually don't have a lot of content history. besides the fact, they met in 1973; in daredevil vol 1, issue 99; because Daredevil had been dating Natasha at the time, and Natasha had Clint's only major love interest (besides his little crush on wanda and somee other flings) at the time; so as the decade goes, Clint was incredibly jealous and challenged Daredevil. You've probably seen the panels.

So first, they are kind of rivals and rub each other the wrong way. They don't really intersect a lot besidees Hawkeye and Daredevil existing in the same spaces after that. When Fractin/Waid era was going on, they seemto have reconciled whatever differences had, given DD would go to Hawkeye/Clint for leads and information; probably had some working relationship as Clint kind of plays both sides of the same coin. He is both an Avenger and hero who sticks to major teams, while also doing his own private "pro bono" hero work and acts as a street vigilante himself; so that's probably how DD and Clint got along, from mutual work spaces and such.

Finishing off this brief 616 canon look; we obviously have them being at odds again, and this is when Clint probably only major reference for knowing Matt as Matt (he probably knew matt a little through matt taking on other hero cases) is when Matthew is the PROSECUTOR / "For the People" attonery on the case and trial of Clint killing Bruce; which originally was looking at a possible death sentence, and heavily swaaying in the prosecutions favor. So much so that when brought up to Matt, he realizes that trial has not been fair/just. And the final time that DD and Hawkeye have crossed was when Matt headed the "Task Force" to hunt down and ended "Ronin's" activities in the city (this was when wilson fisk was mayor; so there was a major crack down on superheroes, both registered/super team and vigilantes with private/secret idenities).

So canonly, they don't have a lot going to thm, but like there is deftinitely something to be said between the two. As fanon expresses, you know they are Blind and Deaf, heroes with disabilties. That would be something for them talk about, to relate to in different ways, and ways with which means they do not mesh with the abled world. Additionally, and comics and otherwise, they are both kind of jerks who are disasters, who ultimately are at fault for their romantic relations failing. Additioanlly, they were both young boys mentored by older men (trickshot & swordsman, and stick), who manipulative and pseudo replacements for their dead fathers; whom ultimately when faced with their mentors again later in life, don't immediately see the manipulation or grooming done to them, or even forgive their mentors or their mentors are their weakness. i could also throw throw out. they both have major girlfriends that die that affeect for literal years in their comic canon. (bobbi & karen).

Going more specific with our boys, whom I love, and they havee a very time with each other. Clint's got some not unpacked religious feelings, because he grow up in middle of midwest, small conservative town iowa; he went to an orphange, Saint Ignautis, which sounds Catholic; and so there is something there that I have been thinking and exploring with Clint. I think he is raised under God, and he loses some of that faith and distance himself, andd more athetist in the sense that, he'd be anger with and think that god iss dead or abandonned, than anything else. So that's something that could be something between the two that gives them a deeper link, or thing to talk about with each other.

I think that with them, Clint and Matt kind of just happen, in this well that is the lawyer hired by the Avengers or other superheroes this one time or another; and Clint happens upon his offices or him in a bar, and Clint's a neighborly guy; teases Matt about lawyering for superheroe, but generally thinks he is an okay guy, and Clint doe his new age old gimmick of just "me? i'm just a guy" and that's how it is.

Then obivously, he knows Daredevil, DD's been invited to superhero functions and gatherings (i literally was just reading an issue where thre's a weddding with janet and yellowjacket who is hank; and you see DD in the background) cause vigilantes do get to weight and have a working relationship with super teams; and then Clint tends to cover Brooklyn and Manhattan (which hell's kitchen is a neighborhood in the manhattan borough) so he and DD end up running into each other, and on the occasion work together.

which only makes things awkward and funnyl; when clint is maybe dating one of Matt's idenities, and then runs into another. (the funniest thing is the idea of which clint finds out matt is dd. or dd is matt. is caue clint's "lips dont lie" (this is canon. this is canon. clint kissed "fake wanda (loki)" and immediately outed her as "not wanda" because he just knew by that kiss. has to kiss the other and he's likee "shit that's my boyfriend's lips" that'd be funny; but you know. eventually matt and dd are gonna collide in clint's life. but clint is good about secret idenities with people, and he tends to take reveals very well too.

i think of them just vibing on late nights, only form of communication between the two is touch; becaue clint's aids are out, so the only way matt reaches clint is touch, and through the same clint will reach matt with touch back. and both of their couchs are very familiar, and clint's allowed matt to rearrange his apartment and that's how everything stays, for the sake of matt when he's there, and clint will if asked ultimately givee up his apartment (not the building. he just won't be a live-in landlord) and be where his partner is. and just once they get over their (clint's) little egos and reasons to butt heads, soft and respecting, and i love them and it's your fault, ce (affectionate) <3

[dreampearls]

thoughts on tha archon quest

prefacing this with a disclaimer that i watched a playthrough instead of actually playing the quest myself, meaning i missed a lot of in world interaction and open map exploration/lore/immersion that would have usually accompaned my overall impression of an archon quest. also i watched in eng dub which i kind of despise so that definitely affected my impressions of the cast

it was fun!

no huge complaints other than genshin typical pacing really dragging out certain segments but otherwise it was more or less successful at engaging me LOL if albeit kinda predictable or painful to sit through at times

furina :•)

i like her thing, idrk much abt the cultural/religious influences of fontaine beyond the obv french naming scheme but what w the whole mention of The Original Sin + a god manifesting themselves as flesh and blood to live amongst humanity + eventually executing themself in order to absolve all their people of that original sin. i think it could have stood to use more blatantly obvious christian iconography in the quest itself. like apples. or maybe they could have crucified her. just for funsies

are there any crosses in fontaine or does venti have a monopoly on that

that being said i think it would have been fun narratively if they hadnt made it so painfully obvious that furina was putting on an act/horrifically overcompensating for being the archon. like it would have been cool if her act was genuinely narratively convincing for at least the first half. the twist that she (technically) wasnt the archon/(more accurately Divine) would have hit harder but i can appreciate the angle they went for. idk i think its fun to see an archon that for once is kind of completely seemingly incompetent. a loss for feminism but a win for girlfailures all around the world

i saw someone else say this and i have to agree the deal w the whale did feel a bit tacked on at the end LOL... it didnt really feel as well integrated into the prophecy thing but eh

how is childe. does anyone care. actually no

clorinde navia "oh are you wearing a new lipstick?" "yeah, want to try" KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEE

have not seen furinas story quest yet but what are the mechanics behjnd her (assumedly) gaining a hydro vision when focalors' whole deal was sacrificing herself precisely to destroy the throne of the hydro archon, presumably preventing another hydro archon from ever ascending. wh... i guess im just missing something or otherwise misunderstanding what "destroying the throne" entails

STILL IT KIND OF FEELS LIKE AN INSULT TO HER CHARACTER CONCEPTUALLY NGL like she spent centuries parading around desperately as the hydro archon and when she finally breaks free of the curse celestias like.... "oh btw youre actually really cool now and we've decided u can become the archon for realsies" i think i would kill

on one hand, i do recognize how the visions function as a narrative device for self actualization and realize its only a fitting way to conclude her arc, but on the other, as signs of acknowledgement from celestia marking an individual as eligible for godhood, it does feel very incongruent with furinas whole thing

on that notd i feel similarly abt wanderer LOL like okay ignore how logically they need a vision for gameplay mechanics like just narratively it doesnt cohere to me... sniffles...

small detail i like how the focalors/furina divide was foreshadowed by the fact that for every previous archon theyve been consistently only referred to as their "real"/chosen/"human"(in a sense) name by those closest to them, whereas all of their subjects would refer to them by archon name or otherwise (lord barbatos, morax, lesser lord kusanali, etc etc) but nobody has ever called the hydro archon focalors or any equivalent, it was only ever her human/chosen name lady furina

this quest had a Lot of Telling instead of Showing and i physically groaned each time they had to spell something out loud instead of just having the audience put together the (already incredibly obvious) narrative pieces but id say this is a writing problem w genshin as a whole and not exclusive to fontaine

[cryptwretch]

hey, i wrote a ridiculously long post about some of my personal feelings about bg3. it's stuff that's been on my mind for a while but never really fully voiced. a mutual made a post earlier that got me thinking and talking about it, which made me want to write about it more, and i ended up basically writing an entire fucking essay. sorry. anyway, it's below the break. major spoilers, particularly for shadowheart, and also since i'm tagging this and more than my usual audience of like six mutuals can hypothetically see it, cw for religious trauma and internalized homo/transphobia.

i really enjoyed bg3 while playing through it the first time, like, to a ridiculous degree. i was obsessed, i was entranced. all my free time was spent with it, and any time i wasn't playing was spent zoning out and thinking about going home and locking myself in my cave and playing it for as long as possible (and all this is after having played through act 1 in early access at least twice). and then, you know, i beat it, i started a new playthrough, played that for a few hours and then i fell off of it pretty quick after that. the spell wore off. and then i started really thinking about it and i realized i don't actually think i like it all that much.

i know that sounds kind of silly, and don't get me wrong, i'm not saying it's a bad game, because it isn't. it's a fantastic rpg, i was entranced for a reason. there's just so much about it that rubs me the wrong way. i noticed this at the time and pushed through anyway, but now, in retrospect, i can't really get away from it. and so much of that has to do with the inherent baggage of the world it's set in, fucking Dungeons and Dragons Forgotten Realms.

so i fucking adore shadowheart. like, so much, for a lot of reasons. i latched onto her like a lovesick puppy (haha get it, like that one ambient line she says) basically immediately. since i love her so much, she and her story will kind of be the focus here, specifically due to my personal experience of playing her romance route as a selûnite cleric, which is something i know a ton of people did too and probably enjoyed, but was deeply disappointing to me for personal reasons. of course, given the setting, i don't really know what i was expecting. this is far from being my only beef with the game, but it's the thing i think about the most.

shadowheart starts the game as a cleric of shar, goddess of night, loss, secrets, and forgetfulness. shar is a capital E Evil deity, which means something concrete in Dungeons and Dragons Forgotten Realms, where Good and Evil aren't abstract concepts, but literal cosmic forces. shadowheart, however, isn't very evil at all. she's secretive, standoffish, pragmatic, but not evil. she disapproves of cruelty, she actually generally likes it when you help people even if she's not very enthusiastic about it. if you're familiar with The Lore, this, along with her suppressed memories, is kind of supposed to be your early hint that she's not a "real" sharran, that her devotion is artificial, forced onto her.

this is one of the big things that drew me to her in the first place. i am a transgender woman and a bisexual, and i was raised by highly conservative evangelical christians. basically, this means i was raised to be something that i fundamentally wasn't, and beyond that, i was raised to hate and fear people like me. when confronted with the idea that i was different, that i wasn't what i had been raised to be, i would recoil, get defensive, retreat into denial. i spent my entire childhood and much of my young adulthood deathly afraid, because deep down i knew i wasn't like them. i knew i wasn't straight, i knew i wasn't masculine, and i knew that if these things were true, i would be punished for it, in this life and the next. and i saw a lot of that in shadowheart. shadowheart isn't like other sharrans, but she's been raised to be one. she desperately wants their approval, and the approval of her dark lady. she wants to prove herself, to fit in, so very badly. i couldn't help but see myself in her. this is also why i just cannot get behind the idea of encouraging her to stay a sharran and become a dark justiciar at her big turning point. i simply can't separate it in my head from my own experience. like, yeah yeah, evil woman hot, of course, sure, whatever, but to me, it's just condemning her to a life of losing herself to zealotry and hatred, eternally and irrevocably devoted to the people and goddess who stole her childhood and molded her into something she was never meant to be. i just can't abide that.

but that's not really what i'm talking about, and i'm probably gonna sound like i'm contradicting myself a bit going forward. sorry, just bear with me, hopefully it'll all make sense.

i played as a selûnite cleric specifically with the intention of doing shadowheart's romance plot, and i did that because i thought it might make it a little spicy, throw some extra conflict in. it did, kinda. i've posted before about how she calls you "selûnite" with so much venom it sounds like a slur and it's kind of hot. there's not actually a whole lot of reactivity to it, but you can have a few extra conversations or debates about your doctrinal differences, she taunts you a little bit in the ruined temple of selûne the goblins are camped in, you know, that kind of thing. it's fun, but not game changing. otherwise, the romance proceeds basically the same as it would have if you weren't a selûnite, up until the big decision at the end of shar's gauntlet, and that's where it ceased to be fun for me. i basically did not pick any selûnite dialog options with her at all from that point onward, because it simply felt wrong.

at the moment of the decision itself, i picked only options that let her make the decision for herself, which led her to spare aylin of her own accord. but after that, the options started to feel like the insufferable Definitely-Not-Gloating of a christian who has managed to successfully convert someone. those options basically recontextualized the whole thing in my head, the whole relationship. i went into the thing thinking, you know, "oh wow, two priestesses of opposing goddesses falling in love with each other despite it all, how cool, how romantic, how will they make it work," etc. but like, this is Dungeons and Dragons Forgotten Realms. my goddess is ontologically Good, her goddess is ontologically Evil. again, i don't know what i expected. was i hoping maybe we'd both abandon our churches, or we'd develop some kind of heretical synthesis of the two doctrines? there is kind of a nod to that sort of possibility in dialogue, where you can tell shadowheart in the early stages of your relationship that you're like two sides of the same coin and you compliment each other. but in the end, those are really just utterly silly things to hope for in this setting. there was only a couple of ways it could have gone. either we both succumb to zealotry and kill each other, or one of us converts. and when it came down to it, everything in me was just absolutely repulsed by the realization. the selûnite options made it feel like the conversion was the whole point, that it had been my character's goal the whole time, and i hated it.

i know that sounds extremely silly, trust me! i was talking about how shadowheart staying a sharran is basically her bad ending! but i'm going somewhere with this, and it can all be traced to the setting too.

the thing about sharran doctrine is that there really isn't anything actually evil about it, looking at it for what it is. sharrans embrace loss and seek comfort in darkness, teaching that acceptance of loss is a good thing, and one can come out of loss stronger. it's a logical choice for people in mourning, or after unexpected life events. one can easily imagine a real world polytheist praying to shar or an equivalent after losing someone important to them or losing their home or something like that. but this is Dungeons and Dragons Forgotten Realms, and shar is capital E Evil. in The Lore, shar is a twisted sadist, full of malice and pettiness and hatred, and her church reflects that. they take a predatory stance, preying on people experiencing loss, and aren't above engineering the kinds of events that would draw potential worshipers to her fold, which is pretty much exactly what happened to shadowheart. she was the daughter of a selûnite couple, stolen and raised sharran just to make a point, out of pure spite. selûne, on the other hand is capital G Good, just like her church. she's all about guidance, compassion, moonlit nights. her doctrine is easy, unoffensive (shadowheart loves to point this out and mock you for it), and it draws lots of followers on its own. sharrans and selûnites fucking hate each other, mostly because shar and selûne fucking hate each other, mostly because they occupy opposing roles in the cosmology and that's that. because shar is Evil, her church is also Evil.

i guess what i'm trying to say here is that in my head, which simply does not think that way, i expected nuance that could never have been there. of course my character Saved shadowheart. she's Good and her church is Good, and shadowheart is a Good person who is just misguided, misled into Darkness, who just needs to be shown the Light. what does that sound like to you? why would this leave a bad taste in my mouth as someone with my particular background? the whole thing struck me as insufferably christian, disgustingly evangelical, completely reflective of that worldview and entirely uncritical of it. and like, at the end of the day, this whole setting, and dungeons and dragons as a game system, is built on and wholly dependent on that very attitude.

once again, I Don't Know What I Expected. i went into the thing with unrealistic expectations despite what i already knew about this setting, which i've been familiar with since i was a teenager. that is on me, i'm kind of the idiot here. lots of other people have talked about the problems this setting has since this game came out, especially the infamous case of the goblin children that there are no consequences for murdering (because they're Evil, you see). this is just something that really stuck out to me, personally, i guess because of how much i saw myself in shadowheart. the funny thing that makes me feel especially silly about this whole thing and this whole post is that it all probably wouldn't have even occurred to me if i hadn't been playing a selûnite. if i had been like a rogue or whatever and had let shadowheart come to the decision by herself the same way, i probably would have just felt like a loving partner who could be there for her through a difficult transition (lol hm). but i was the rival cleric instead, and my doctrine, Good and True and Objectively Morally Correct, had won. i'd Saved her, and I hated it.