#i think I'm going to have a panic attack
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Commissioned my friend @sylviesparks for a piece of Funnel in drag! We both agreed that her name is Lionessence ❤️🧡💜
#funnel cake#gingerfolk universe#sylviesparks#i think I'm going to have a panic attack#one chance#just one chance ma'am please I'm begging
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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.
if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.
additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.
i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."
"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.
#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me#yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai#and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X#dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU#for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...
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i'm not usually one to make prayer requests but can you guys please pray for my cat reese and for me also because i'm losing my mind and hours of sleep over something that might be nothing but i'm scared anyway. thanks
#he may be having symptoms of a urinary tract issue and this afternoon i think he ate some string that could cause an intestinal blockage#both of these things can be life threatening so i have been on the verge of a panic attack basically nonstop for the last few days#and i'm about to move to another apartment this weekend so it's really bad timing#i think i will take him into my work (vet clinic) tomorrow and get a urinalysis at least but there's not really much you can do about a#foreign body once it's been more than a few hours until it starts causing symptoms. is my understanding#i feel like i'm going to puke and cry lol i'm really not handling it well emotionally#me
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me: I should write the one-shot that lives in my head about Harry applying for a job
brain: you will write a whole casefic about Harry realizing being a cop already killed him once, acab applies even to Kim, and he needs to quit if he wants to get better
#shivers is allowed to be passive aggressive about littering. as a treat#disco elysium#de fanfic#long post#i hope this is a good range of clips but also not too many ghdfsh#the disco mix of angst and poetic imagery and unhinged dialogue means I have 5898385 favorite bits so I kind of just picked random ones#this selection is really angst-heavy but there's a lot of really funny moments too I promise#a lot of my biggest faves are running gags that don't clip well#please message me about this lmao i am dying to talk#ive got everything in here. there's panic attacks. there's skills bickering and talking like harry isn't there. there's a loop (sort of).#callbacks to game lines. rhetoric going on about Communism. harry being Very Gay but Very Closeted. electrochem losing its mind about it.#beautiful Conceptualization bits and a whole talking-to-corpse moment#I've even got a sequence w ancient reptilian brain and limbic system#the whole thought project about “why isn't kim more upset that I went at a witness like a rabid hound” is so fucking good.#im so fucking normal about these 40-year-old men#i didn't think I could write DE but I'm nailing it
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most relatable Boba Fett Moment™ in the expanded universe is when he very calmly and curtly walks away from what should be a highly emotional conversation (much to the annoyance and disgust of the person he's speaking to), locks himself in a washroom, then proceeds to have debilitating panic attack for several minutes before standing up, composing himself, and walking out in the exact same unruffled manner like nothing happened :^)
#boba fett#legacy of the force#this scene makes me feel shrimp emotions#like i have my face in my hands laughing but i'm also in so much pain :`D#the description of the panic attack is like. 2 sentences.#and that's the point!!#it's the tiniest‚ briefest glimpse into what's really going on in his head when everybody else thinks he's being a callous bastard as usual#that IMMEDIATELY gets shoved down‚ bottled up‚ and buried under that cold‚ emotionless mask!!#but man... the mental image boba crouched on the floor with his face in his hands‚ trying to stop shaking... it hurts me so bad 😭#it doesn't have to be like this‚ my man!!! you have a support system now!!!
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good lordy guys, you really like Cyn huh?
i really appreciate the love tho, I'm very self conscious about my art 'n stuff so it makes me very very happy to see people enjoy it 🙏💕
#silly doodle#might delete later#you guys scare me#how has that post gotten 1k notes already holy cow#love you goobers#I'm going to go have a panic attack now there's too many of you /j#is my art really that tasty? I dont think it is personally
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my mom reminding me every couple months whenever my hypochondria acts up that on her side of the family the women tend to have low blood pressure: 😑
me still being terrified of having high blood pressure: 🫨😫🫠😭
#this happened the other day when I woke up in the middle of the night and sat up real fast and got lightheaded#(likely bc of the combo of tiredness/changing position quickly/what I think may have been a mild panic attack)#she was like it's literally that you sat up fast get some electrolytes and go back to bed smh :/#meanwhile me: I'm having a HEART ATTACK I'm having a STROKE I am going to SPONTANEOUSLY EXPLODE#Lu rambles#the hypochondria blues
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YOU'RE JOKING!!!!
This is the girl again!!! Now that her exams, her concussion, and Christmas is over I have decided to stir the pot with her again, and I just very gently reminded her that, "hey, you flirted with me a couple months ago...do you remember that?" (she did not) (I have AGAIN been bolder than I meant to) but anyway, she was like, "I'll get back on that!"
BOULDER TO THE HEAD PERHAPS?!?!
So far she has only tried the English songs, but she'll get there. If I don't get a girlfriend out of this, I'll be fine. If I don't get a Joker Out fan out of this— what was all this for?!
#personal#joker out#This one I am putting in the main tag because if my mission is successful we will have a new friend in the tag#I had a panic attack last time she flirted with me and girl nothing even happened but I have been so on edge#currently going through the ups and downs like “we are so back!!” “we are so done for and i can't do this“ ”WOOOO WE'RE SO BACK!!“#don't mind my other friend saying fart in her note...idk what is going on in her life#also context for anyone who doesn't follow me: I've been talking to this girl and analysing her poetry with her for about four months#i asked her why she followed me on instagram because I do not know her irl and she said she just thought I was pretty and THEN FLIRTED AT M#(she did that two months in to knowing me) (perfectly reasonable amount of time)#it scared me really bad though but i persist#she is a little crazy and really invested in me and I think she likes me more than i like her but I'm sure things will work out anyway...
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i swear if you people start uwuifying OCD like you did with ADHD and autism I'm going to start attacking
#the general idea of what OCD is already so fucking wrong and harmful#if you start being like 'oh my little meow meow is so OCD' or 'its not a disorder its just a different way of thinking uwu'#I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL#ALL OF MY EARLIEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES FROM AGE 3 AND UP ARE OF HAVING PANIC ATTACKS#PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELVES THIS IS A MISERABLE FUCKING DISORDER ITS NOT CUTE ITS NOT QUIRKY ITS THE REASON I HAD GRAY HAIR AS A TEENAGER#i saw this like 'i let the intrusive thoughts win' isn't something people use all the time for like dying their fucking hair#its exhausting how many people what to be all 'mental illness needs to be more accepted'#and then in the next sentence want to deny that your mental illness is actually harmful to you and doesn't negatively affect you#and its just because society doesn't accept your different way of thinking uwu#NO I LITERALLY WOULD HAVE KILLED MYSELF AS A TEENAGER IF SOMEONE HAD CONVINCED ME THAT MY MENTAL ILLNESS WAS NORMAL AND FINE#figuring out that something was Wrong with my brain was like the best moment of my life#and this 'no you just think differently don't try to change' attitude may be helpful in SOME CASES#but that shit needs to me pulled back on A LOT online because that framing can be extremely harmful to some people (like me)#knowing exactly what is wrong with my brain is literally the only way I'm able to not let it affect me#and it not affecting me is literally the only way I can function and live happily#like you understand that some people do genuinely have things wrong with them#and telling them they don't is beyond cruel
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Messy school doodles HAHEHHE
Season 2 Robbie (not canon Robbie ofc, but rather the "S2" of my own fic which I may or may not ever finish). The lore is that his hair was MUCH longer than this, but it got shaved off due to Lore Reasons™ and now it's growing back :]
NOT STAN. That's my beta Dipper HAHEHHEE. My notes are just emphasizing how similar they look. Me, earlier today, drawing beta Dipper: "STAN PINES ?! 😨😮😮😨😨😨"
Perhaps. Gay people. I am thinking about it really hard fr
#sometimes writing a story is toying with different dynamics and being like “auughh i LOVE this plotline but it'd go completely against -#- everything else in the whole story 😭“ so I gotta kill my darlings.#and I don't mean “killing off a character”#i mean “killing off this cool ass dynamic that sounds awesome but may not fit the story I'm trying to tell”#anyway#gay people... perhaps#do you see the amazing dynamic these two would have in the context of the story I'm making ??? no you don't#because i haven't told you anything about my story LMAO AHDHABHAHAHR#but point is: i love them#god#toxic yaoi is real#they've got the situationship that can almost rival whatever the hell Stanford Pines had going on (unfortunately they do not beat him)#they've got a dynamic that makes others think they don't care about eachother at all. that they hate eachother and that's all#and they DID hate eachother for most of their time together but after a bunch of years spent with no one else to rely on except eachother?#maybe you DO hate them still. but you can't deny the bond you share because the only other person in the world who GETS IT is him#you've seen him at his best and worst. you've driven him to the brink of insanity. you've taken everything from him#and yet you cuddle when the night is cold and it's so so lonely outside#you know how he likes his pancakes. how he'd rather cut his hair off than brush it. how he's entranced by the stars he never saw so clearly#you recognize when he's about to have a panic attack. you sit with him til he calms down. you hold hands and miss your families together#and you know he's the toughest person you know. so the occasional bang sessions? oh; those are NOT gentle#there's nothing more than a single safeword they never used more than once. because they've been together for so long and they know how far-#-they can push until it becomes too much. but to be gentle? to be soft? to a person who has grown so used to dodging your knives?#that is a whole entire INSULT !!! how DARE you treat me like I'm fragile NOW after we spent our lives on opposite sides of a battlefield?#how DARE you be gentle to me now after you ripped open my guts and shoved salt and dirt inside?#you know how much i can handle and you know I've always loved the thrill#so don't you dare make this any less of a battle unless you want me to bash your head in with a hammer. moron#the real valenpines dynamic i stg. i love them so much you don't understand#i can't believe I'm gonna have to sacrifice this dynamic#robbie valentino#dipper pines
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Can someone with knowledge of anxiety or panic attacks tell me if I dealt with that last night because I have never in my life experienced something like this before and it honestly freaked me the fuck out.
I was getting ready for work at like 3 in the afternoon and my heart started racing. Like, beating insanely fast. I didn't check my heart rate until way later, but basically for the entire time I was getting dressed, doing makeup, etc. I had to continuously sit down cause I felt like I couldn't catch my breath.
I finally got in my car at like 5 to head to work and once I parked, I checked my heart rate on my watch and it was reading at 142 bpm. It had been bouncing between 140 and 130 for over an hour and there was absolutely no reason for it. No caffeine, no exercise, no stress that I could solely blame for any potential 'anxiety' or anything.
I was sweating my fucking brains out for like an hour at work, was super winded for literally no reason, and I only started to feel anxious and worried once I realized just how fast my heart was going. My coworkers told me I looked red in the face even when I was standing completely still not moving. It stopped around like 7:30 give or take, but that was still roughly 5 hours of dealing with everything. I have never experienced anything like this before, and everyone I spoke to last night was on my ass about going to the ER, but I wasn't about to leave work for that.
I don't know. Should I make an appointment to see a doctor ?? I'm at a loss for what to do cause this was a one time instance as far as I'm concerned, but it was super scary and it lasted such a long time. I thought I was going to have a heart attack and my one thought was that I didn't wanna croak at my job LMAO
#I like to think I'm pretty go with the flow and I don't get super anxious often#so when everyone told me it might have been an anxiety or a panic attack I wasn't sure what to think#very American of me to ask the general public for advice instead of paying to go to the hospital and ask professionals#I might delete this later I hate oversharing life shit on the internet but I also do NOT want to go through that again#a.txt
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Ok this might be a little weird and I want to tell this to you anonymously because I don't want to make you feel pressured into answering ^^' (let it be known I am a mutual of yours & I know we don't talk but I think you're really cool <:) Your genuine love for Gravity Falls and you excitement about The Book of Bill is kind of. Helping me rekindle old love for the franchise. I stopped interacting with it more or less involuntarily (bad experience with bad people) and felt bad that I can't get into it but honestly your interest did help me rediscover it, or at least start to do so. Like I've picked up my old Journal 3 a couple times this week, I thought about re-watching the show, I bookmarked the cheapest "to be released" listings for TBOB in the online shops in my country, I have the thisisnotawebsitedotcom bookmarked too. I've been picking up my hand-made-from-a-towel Bill plush and just looking at him. Thinking about trying to find his hat and make him a new bow because I took them off when it was just too awful to perceive.
I hope this isn't weird. I genuinely don't mean to be weird or trigger your anxiety or anything, I mean it. Your love for this show and everything around it is helping me a bit to rediscover my own, which is great, because as someone with interest in folklore, the paranormal and cryptids, GF was an amazing thing to discover. I myself made a grown up version of Dipper, who's a full-on cryptid hunter and wrote a lot of stories about him, later turning that concept into my own thing because it was too painful to keep but I loved all of the creatures I made and the lore and stuff. So I just took my ideas and moved it into my own thing, which is currently my most developed universe with my most beloved ocs.
This is lengthy. Sorry. Again, I genuinely don't want to creep you out, just, I'm glad I found you and your art and your comic and that you're so excited about your interests. Please know that you are never bad or annoying for loving what you love, please continue being so passionate about things, because it's really cool. You're cool. I hope you know that ^^ and, well, if not, I'm telling you. You're cool and your work is amazing.
(If you would prefer me to pm you feel free to post about it here or your personal? blog, whichever you're cool with, I'll probably see it and can just pm you with like "haha yeah I'm the long rekindled-interest anon" or you can answer this or just read & delete, I really don't mind if you don't want to answer ^^. Just, wanted to say this. Again I hope this isn't weird ;w; I swear I'm just a little adhd guy who used to love GF a lot, and possibly might be okay enough to start interacting with it on his own. And your love for the franchise helped.)
Hi this made me tear up (iN A GOOD WAY I PROMISE AHSDOFISADH I CRY WHEN I'M HAPPY LOL), this is seriously so, so sweet. Thank you so much for sending me this!! 🥹 I'm really glad that all of my silly Gravity Falls stuff has helped you get back into the show, and I hope you enjoy it and enjoy the Book of Bill if you get it!
Also, this seriously means a lot to me, especially because I'm actually really self-conscious about my interests and passions haha. I'm terrified of being seen as annoying, and there's been a lot of times recently where I've shut down out of the fear of being annoying about my interests. But I'm starting to not give a shit about whether or not people find me annoying online?? I want to be super vocal about something I adore so damn much cause it makes me happy! I've also been burnt out on drawing for a WHILE, but reading this book has given me so much inspiration, and drawing feels really fun and exciting again for the first time in a while! I struggle with depression a lot too, but my love for Bill and excitement about what's to come for the series has helped me feel really happy and kept me going for the first time in a bit. So, while I'm still scared of being perceived as annoying, I'm really happy right now and I want to keep doing stuff that makes me happy, even if that's just drawing Bill antagonizing me / my sona lmao. Seriously, thank you so much for sending me this! It's incredibly sweet and I'm really grateful that you did ;w;
Also you can absolutely reach out over DMs!! I would love to talk, but I hope you're having a wonderful day!! 🥹❤️
#asks#anon#I LEGITIMATELY TEARED UP YOU'RE SO SWEET THANK YEW AHHHH#I'M GRATEFUL THAT YOU ENJOY ME YELLING ABOUT THIS SILLY TRIANGLE MAN I LOVE HIM SO MUCH#on a silly note i think i love bill so much because he became my favorite character during a really shitty time in my life???#i remember having a panic attack at one point and turning on sock opera and seeing bill made me feel okay again#and i dealt with bad depression but seeing new gf stuff helped me to keep going#anyway hi i love gravity falls so very much and will try to be unapologetic about how much i love bill and this show lol
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god, rereading that scene after doing a bit of a beviin deep dive is making me want to write a oneshot where beviin is actually there for one of boba's panic attacks... why must inspiration always strike right before bedtime? ;_;
#honestly‚ i'm kind of starting to headcanon that beviin HAS seen one of his panic attacks before#it would explain a few things about their interactions in the series#for example‚ how beviin knows how to recognize boba's ''oh god‚ get me out of here'' look when he's about to lose it#or how when boba starts to get anxious about mirta and grade's safety on the bloodfin mission‚ he immediately wishes beviin were there#though i imagine boba wanted to throw himself back into the sarlacc the first time beviin witnessed one of his panic attacks :`D#like‚ beviin is pretty much the one living person whose opinion boba cares about#and to have him see him in such a moment of helplessness and vulnerability... boba would hate it so much lmao#but beviin‚ being beviin‚ would know exactly how to deal with it and what to say#i think that would go a long way to contextualizing why boba trusts him so much by the time we see them in LotF#not just with strategic matters but very clearly with emotional and personal matters as well#fett feels#goran beviin
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I think it's almost funny, in a bit of a sad way, that this tiny plastic (or wtv) thing has helped me more than all the therapists I've worked with combined. It has carried me through actual panic attacks, depressive episodes and hell, it was my most constant support during my first appointment for hrt.
Why pay thousands of euros and dozens of hours in therapy when you can give twenty five once and a bit of time rubbing its tiny head with your thumb? Checkmate therapists.
#melina adoring hours again#mini-meli adventures#i'm tired#mentally and physically#personal#i think this tiny figurine is weirdly the one thing that can actively ground me when i'm going through serious shit#i don't think this is even about it being a mini-meli anymore#i think i've just grown attached to its shape and weight in my hand#and after that first panic attack that it carried me through i have connected its feeling to safety or smt like that in my mind#just#weird where one might find help when it was never given#or smt#g'nighty
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John Malevolent kinda reminds me of cTechno tbh. Even down to the constantly saying his conversation partners' names every five seconds thing that Techno does
Also the obvious "gruff, angry, hostile, violent, but also kind of a little bit of a caring dork" thing (with differing ratios)
And the popular queer platonic ship partner
And the morally grey thing
And the voice in head thing, tho they are on opposite sides of that one
#and john and arthur aren't entirely too different from peer pressure duo honestly#I could probably make an au if I wanted to but then I'd have to kill michael and I don't think I could do that#also I'm not far enough into malevolent to actually make any aus with it#I have no idea where this plot is going#but arthur has enough panic attacks or close to it to match cranboo#and cranboo's already got some experience with having a voice in his head and bad things happen to him#rambling about blorbos
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was gonna make a most about a World Trigger au i have rotating in my brain but realized that was a bad idea because I don't want spoilers and i'm only on episode 28 of season one ladjflasjdf
but the autism is autisming and i cannot stop thinking about the boys and what triggers they'd have
and how F!mikey's sacrfice would probably give casey a Black Trigger, and how Leo probably had a Black Trigger from Raph or Donnie in the bad future
Thinking about how Karai's sacrfice left a Black Trigger that only April and/or Splinter could use
please don't send spoilers into my inbox or comments i'll cry
#rambles#the brainrot is bad send help jalsdjflasjdf#aside from being engaged in the episodes#i havent stopped thinking about this#and how the epf could be Border and the hidden city kind of like the Neighborhood#maybe even the PD as a part of the neighborhood#how draxum was developing triggers outside of Border's knowledge like how Tamakoma branch made their own triggers#ell I already see the “weeb” message in discord#im so normal about anime what can i say#it was either this or noragami and i think a noragami au would strike me down immediatly aldkflasdjf#definately not thinking about the similarities between yato and leo on a daily basis#shhhhh totally not#anyways i've activated the audhd and am so happy i'm about to have a panic attack so im going to try to sleep now alsdjfalsdfj#no more watching anime until 2am
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