#i think I'm going to have a panic attack
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Commissioned my friend @sylviesparks for a piece of Funnel in drag! We both agreed that her name is Lionessence ❤️🧡💜
#funnel cake#gingerfolk universe#sylviesparks#i think I'm going to have a panic attack#one chance#just one chance ma'am please I'm begging
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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.
if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.
additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.
i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."
"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.
#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me#yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai#and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X#dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU#for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...
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most relatable Boba Fett Moment™ in the expanded universe is when he very calmly and curtly walks away from what should be a highly emotional conversation (much to the annoyance and disgust of the person he's speaking to), locks himself in a washroom, then proceeds to have debilitating panic attack for several minutes before standing up, composing himself, and walking out in the exact same unruffled manner like nothing happened :^)
#boba fett#legacy of the force#this scene makes me feel shrimp emotions#like i have my face in my hands laughing but i'm also in so much pain :`D#the description of the panic attack is like. 2 sentences.#and that's the point!!#it's the tiniest‚ briefest glimpse into what's really going on in his head when everybody else thinks he's being a callous bastard as usual#that IMMEDIATELY gets shoved down‚ bottled up‚ and buried under that cold‚ emotionless mask!!#but man... the mental image boba crouched on the floor with his face in his hands‚ trying to stop shaking... it hurts me so bad 😭#it doesn't have to be like this‚ my man!!! you have a support system now!!!
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me: I should write the one-shot that lives in my head about Harry applying for a job
brain: you will write a whole casefic about Harry realizing being a cop already killed him once, acab applies even to Kim, and he needs to quit if he wants to get better
#shivers is allowed to be passive aggressive about littering. as a treat#disco elysium#de fanfic#long post#i hope this is a good range of clips but also not too many ghdfsh#the disco mix of angst and poetic imagery and unhinged dialogue means I have 5898385 favorite bits so I kind of just picked random ones#this selection is really angst-heavy but there's a lot of really funny moments too I promise#a lot of my biggest faves are running gags that don't clip well#please message me about this lmao i am dying to talk#ive got everything in here. there's panic attacks. there's skills bickering and talking like harry isn't there. there's a loop (sort of).#callbacks to game lines. rhetoric going on about Communism. harry being Very Gay but Very Closeted. electrochem losing its mind about it.#beautiful Conceptualization bits and a whole talking-to-corpse moment#I've even got a sequence w ancient reptilian brain and limbic system#the whole thought project about “why isn't kim more upset that I went at a witness like a rabid hound” is so fucking good.#im so fucking normal about these 40-year-old men#i didn't think I could write DE but I'm nailing it
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my mom reminding me every couple months whenever my hypochondria acts up that on her side of the family the women tend to have low blood pressure: 😑
me still being terrified of having high blood pressure: 🫨😫🫠😭
#this happened the other day when I woke up in the middle of the night and sat up real fast and got lightheaded#(likely bc of the combo of tiredness/changing position quickly/what I think may have been a mild panic attack)#she was like it's literally that you sat up fast get some electrolytes and go back to bed smh :/#meanwhile me: I'm having a HEART ATTACK I'm having a STROKE I am going to SPONTANEOUSLY EXPLODE#Lu rambles#the hypochondria blues
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tease tidbit tuesday 🫧
hi friends, i'm procrastinating doing my fema courses in favor of watching season 4 <3 have a lil bit of eddie vs the hoa
It’s just—Buck is big and it kind of drives Eddie a little crazy. Like? God, okay. He’s a little stupid over it. You’ll have to forgive him. He is so big, right, larger than Eddie and Eddie isn’t a small guy. He’s filled out since finishing his probationary year, settling in his career and getting comfortable in the life he chose for himself and Chris. He’s more functional muscle than big gains; his stomach’s soft, protected by a sweet layer of fat, but his core’s solid and his arms are twice the size they used to be when he was twenty-seven. See? He isn’t small. But, like, Buck’s just bigger, wider and broader and thicker, and there’s something so delicious about having somebody that large at his mercy, at his every beck and call. Buck has this quality about him, no matter his size, like he’s always ready to drop to his knees and let himself be taken care of, and it has Eddie’s head buzzing in a way that most definitely isn’t from the beer.
tagged by @wikiangela, @jeeyuns, @devirnis, @disasterbuckdiaz, and @daffi-990 <3
tagging @spagheddiediaz, @puppyboybuckley, @evanbegins, @honestlydarkprincess, @exhuastedpigeon, @thewolvesof1998, @theotherbuckley, and @monsterrae1 if any of you wanna share!
#i've got 4 tests to take/procedures to read#and you know what? watching jinx eddie is one of my favorites but i don't think we talk about bobby and eddie's dynamic enough#what the fuck do you MEAN mr eddie told bobby word for word 'i'm not over her' in reference to shannon when they were#discussing ana and then a few episodes later eddie has a panic attack because somebody assumed ana was his wife?#eddie's story with grief (over shannon and himself together and separate) is so quiet and so glorious and so beautiful#i can't get over it? he loved shannon so much and god. GOD. he tried to move on and he wasn't ready but he had fun#he had so much fun with ana until it wasn't anymore and then. and then GOD. GOD?#i'm gonna have a little fit if i'm not fuckin careful?#and the way eddie's like 'you of all people should understand' and bobby's like 'i do that's why i'm telling you'#the bobby and eddie parallels here my god :)#also buck running and falling after brian the impersonator is never not going to make me laugh#mwah#tag games
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i swear if you people start uwuifying OCD like you did with ADHD and autism I'm going to start attacking
#the general idea of what OCD is already so fucking wrong and harmful#if you start being like 'oh my little meow meow is so OCD' or 'its not a disorder its just a different way of thinking uwu'#I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL#ALL OF MY EARLIEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES FROM AGE 3 AND UP ARE OF HAVING PANIC ATTACKS#PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELVES THIS IS A MISERABLE FUCKING DISORDER ITS NOT CUTE ITS NOT QUIRKY ITS THE REASON I HAD GRAY HAIR AS A TEENAGER#i saw this like 'i let the intrusive thoughts win' isn't something people use all the time for like dying their fucking hair#its exhausting how many people what to be all 'mental illness needs to be more accepted'#and then in the next sentence want to deny that your mental illness is actually harmful to you and doesn't negatively affect you#and its just because society doesn't accept your different way of thinking uwu#NO I LITERALLY WOULD HAVE KILLED MYSELF AS A TEENAGER IF SOMEONE HAD CONVINCED ME THAT MY MENTAL ILLNESS WAS NORMAL AND FINE#figuring out that something was Wrong with my brain was like the best moment of my life#and this 'no you just think differently don't try to change' attitude may be helpful in SOME CASES#but that shit needs to me pulled back on A LOT online because that framing can be extremely harmful to some people (like me)#knowing exactly what is wrong with my brain is literally the only way I'm able to not let it affect me#and it not affecting me is literally the only way I can function and live happily#like you understand that some people do genuinely have things wrong with them#and telling them they don't is beyond cruel
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I've been very unwell today and my queue is pretty short at the moment, so I might go quiet for a bit. Honestly I might end up in hospital again. I've been struggling for awhile and it's gotten worse, and I'm about past my limit of managing.
Take care of yourselves. xo
#personal#mental health#mental illness#anxiety#panic attacks#lowest I've been on the MH pain scale all day is 7 or 8#gallstone levels of distress at the moment#tempted to call the crisis line but I'm not sure they'll have resources to do anything#it's not like my panic is irrational or catastrophising#it is very possibly the end of the world#pretty sure anxiety and wanting to die is an appropriate emotional response#I'm being stupid and histrionic I guess but I'm not ok#nothing happening is about me but i still can't bear it#i can't focus or think about anything except dread#I've tried meditation and 3 3s and tensing all my muscles and then letting go#I've tried distracting myself with games and tv#nothing is working#heart palpitations high bp tinnitus hyperventilating nausea tightness in chest crying all day on and off#i can't feel like this for the rest of my life#i can't feel like this for another two weeks or another two days#and i don't see why i should have to#might have to go completely offline on a permanent basis but then I'm without my social contacts or my job so#take care of yourselves and each other#maybe i can get sedated or something
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god, rereading that scene after doing a bit of a beviin deep dive is making me want to write a oneshot where beviin is actually there for one of boba's panic attacks... why must inspiration always strike right before bedtime? ;_;
#honestly‚ i'm kind of starting to headcanon that beviin HAS seen one of his panic attacks before#it would explain a few things about their interactions in the series#for example‚ how beviin knows how to recognize boba's ''oh god‚ get me out of here'' look when he's about to lose it#or how when boba starts to get anxious about mirta and grade's safety on the bloodfin mission‚ he immediately wishes beviin were there#though i imagine boba wanted to throw himself back into the sarlacc the first time beviin witnessed one of his panic attacks :`D#like‚ beviin is pretty much the one living person whose opinion boba cares about#and to have him see him in such a moment of helplessness and vulnerability... boba would hate it so much lmao#but beviin‚ being beviin‚ would know exactly how to deal with it and what to say#i think that would go a long way to contextualizing why boba trusts him so much by the time we see them in LotF#not just with strategic matters but very clearly with emotional and personal matters as well#fett feels#goran beviin
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Can someone with knowledge of anxiety or panic attacks tell me if I dealt with that last night because I have never in my life experienced something like this before and it honestly freaked me the fuck out.
I was getting ready for work at like 3 in the afternoon and my heart started racing. Like, beating insanely fast. I didn't check my heart rate until way later, but basically for the entire time I was getting dressed, doing makeup, etc. I had to continuously sit down cause I felt like I couldn't catch my breath.
I finally got in my car at like 5 to head to work and once I parked, I checked my heart rate on my watch and it was reading at 142 bpm. It had been bouncing between 140 and 130 for over an hour and there was absolutely no reason for it. No caffeine, no exercise, no stress that I could solely blame for any potential 'anxiety' or anything.
I was sweating my fucking brains out for like an hour at work, was super winded for literally no reason, and I only started to feel anxious and worried once I realized just how fast my heart was going. My coworkers told me I looked red in the face even when I was standing completely still not moving. It stopped around like 7:30 give or take, but that was still roughly 5 hours of dealing with everything. I have never experienced anything like this before, and everyone I spoke to last night was on my ass about going to the ER, but I wasn't about to leave work for that.
I don't know. Should I make an appointment to see a doctor ?? I'm at a loss for what to do cause this was a one time instance as far as I'm concerned, but it was super scary and it lasted such a long time. I thought I was going to have a heart attack and my one thought was that I didn't wanna croak at my job LMAO
#I like to think I'm pretty go with the flow and I don't get super anxious often#so when everyone told me it might have been an anxiety or a panic attack I wasn't sure what to think#very American of me to ask the general public for advice instead of paying to go to the hospital and ask professionals#I might delete this later I hate oversharing life shit on the internet but I also do NOT want to go through that again#a.txt
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Ok this might be a little weird and I want to tell this to you anonymously because I don't want to make you feel pressured into answering ^^' (let it be known I am a mutual of yours & I know we don't talk but I think you're really cool <:) Your genuine love for Gravity Falls and you excitement about The Book of Bill is kind of. Helping me rekindle old love for the franchise. I stopped interacting with it more or less involuntarily (bad experience with bad people) and felt bad that I can't get into it but honestly your interest did help me rediscover it, or at least start to do so. Like I've picked up my old Journal 3 a couple times this week, I thought about re-watching the show, I bookmarked the cheapest "to be released" listings for TBOB in the online shops in my country, I have the thisisnotawebsitedotcom bookmarked too. I've been picking up my hand-made-from-a-towel Bill plush and just looking at him. Thinking about trying to find his hat and make him a new bow because I took them off when it was just too awful to perceive.
I hope this isn't weird. I genuinely don't mean to be weird or trigger your anxiety or anything, I mean it. Your love for this show and everything around it is helping me a bit to rediscover my own, which is great, because as someone with interest in folklore, the paranormal and cryptids, GF was an amazing thing to discover. I myself made a grown up version of Dipper, who's a full-on cryptid hunter and wrote a lot of stories about him, later turning that concept into my own thing because it was too painful to keep but I loved all of the creatures I made and the lore and stuff. So I just took my ideas and moved it into my own thing, which is currently my most developed universe with my most beloved ocs.
This is lengthy. Sorry. Again, I genuinely don't want to creep you out, just, I'm glad I found you and your art and your comic and that you're so excited about your interests. Please know that you are never bad or annoying for loving what you love, please continue being so passionate about things, because it's really cool. You're cool. I hope you know that ^^ and, well, if not, I'm telling you. You're cool and your work is amazing.
(If you would prefer me to pm you feel free to post about it here or your personal? blog, whichever you're cool with, I'll probably see it and can just pm you with like "haha yeah I'm the long rekindled-interest anon" or you can answer this or just read & delete, I really don't mind if you don't want to answer ^^. Just, wanted to say this. Again I hope this isn't weird ;w; I swear I'm just a little adhd guy who used to love GF a lot, and possibly might be okay enough to start interacting with it on his own. And your love for the franchise helped.)
Hi this made me tear up (iN A GOOD WAY I PROMISE AHSDOFISADH I CRY WHEN I'M HAPPY LOL), this is seriously so, so sweet. Thank you so much for sending me this!! 🥹 I'm really glad that all of my silly Gravity Falls stuff has helped you get back into the show, and I hope you enjoy it and enjoy the Book of Bill if you get it!
Also, this seriously means a lot to me, especially because I'm actually really self-conscious about my interests and passions haha. I'm terrified of being seen as annoying, and there's been a lot of times recently where I've shut down out of the fear of being annoying about my interests. But I'm starting to not give a shit about whether or not people find me annoying online?? I want to be super vocal about something I adore so damn much cause it makes me happy! I've also been burnt out on drawing for a WHILE, but reading this book has given me so much inspiration, and drawing feels really fun and exciting again for the first time in a while! I struggle with depression a lot too, but my love for Bill and excitement about what's to come for the series has helped me feel really happy and kept me going for the first time in a bit. So, while I'm still scared of being perceived as annoying, I'm really happy right now and I want to keep doing stuff that makes me happy, even if that's just drawing Bill antagonizing me / my sona lmao. Seriously, thank you so much for sending me this! It's incredibly sweet and I'm really grateful that you did ;w;
Also you can absolutely reach out over DMs!! I would love to talk, but I hope you're having a wonderful day!! 🥹❤️
#asks#anon#I LEGITIMATELY TEARED UP YOU'RE SO SWEET THANK YEW AHHHH#I'M GRATEFUL THAT YOU ENJOY ME YELLING ABOUT THIS SILLY TRIANGLE MAN I LOVE HIM SO MUCH#on a silly note i think i love bill so much because he became my favorite character during a really shitty time in my life???#i remember having a panic attack at one point and turning on sock opera and seeing bill made me feel okay again#and i dealt with bad depression but seeing new gf stuff helped me to keep going#anyway hi i love gravity falls so very much and will try to be unapologetic about how much i love bill and this show lol
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Not feeling it rn cuz idk how to disclose to my family (mom, really) that I have two very funnily misplaced random underskin lumps on my neck and and one on the back of my head, and that my mind immiditely jumped to the worst conclusion
#The constant fatigue migranes and brain fog ive had for a good year doesn't help#oh its the damned phone it's because you don't do anything all day it's because you don't see the sun#maybe#doesn't change the fact that they are there and I'm scared haha#had the one on the back of my head for a while#and definitely didnt have a panic attack over finding the third one earlier today when absemindedly scratching my neck#they're kinda hard to find but once you feel them boy oh boy it#sigh it just seems really idk. over the top?#like if I was suppoused to die couldn't it have been anything less mentally and money taxing lmao#why bother with cancer ffs it's not like I have anything in my life going on#and to think I was actually planning on getting it together#my mom has enough on her plate as she is#what with her work slowly killing her#why is she literaly the only one that would kinda care#only after telling me I'm definitely overreacting but still#whatver man#I can't sleep but my head hurts#it's just my period anyway#sorry guys I will be back to Joy and whimsy soon I'm sure#vent#like in amongus haha
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I think it's almost funny, in a bit of a sad way, that this tiny plastic (or wtv) thing has helped me more than all the therapists I've worked with combined. It has carried me through actual panic attacks, depressive episodes and hell, it was my most constant support during my first appointment for hrt.
Why pay thousands of euros and dozens of hours in therapy when you can give twenty five once and a bit of time rubbing its tiny head with your thumb? Checkmate therapists.
#melina adoring hours again#mini-meli adventures#i'm tired#mentally and physically#personal#i think this tiny figurine is weirdly the one thing that can actively ground me when i'm going through serious shit#i don't think this is even about it being a mini-meli anymore#i think i've just grown attached to its shape and weight in my hand#and after that first panic attack that it carried me through i have connected its feeling to safety or smt like that in my mind#just#weird where one might find help when it was never given#or smt#g'nighty
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was gonna make a most about a World Trigger au i have rotating in my brain but realized that was a bad idea because I don't want spoilers and i'm only on episode 28 of season one ladjflasjdf
but the autism is autisming and i cannot stop thinking about the boys and what triggers they'd have
and how F!mikey's sacrfice would probably give casey a Black Trigger, and how Leo probably had a Black Trigger from Raph or Donnie in the bad future
Thinking about how Karai's sacrfice left a Black Trigger that only April and/or Splinter could use
please don't send spoilers into my inbox or comments i'll cry
#rambles#the brainrot is bad send help jalsdjflasjdf#aside from being engaged in the episodes#i havent stopped thinking about this#and how the epf could be Border and the hidden city kind of like the Neighborhood#maybe even the PD as a part of the neighborhood#how draxum was developing triggers outside of Border's knowledge like how Tamakoma branch made their own triggers#ell I already see the “weeb” message in discord#im so normal about anime what can i say#it was either this or noragami and i think a noragami au would strike me down immediatly aldkflasdjf#definately not thinking about the similarities between yato and leo on a daily basis#shhhhh totally not#anyways i've activated the audhd and am so happy i'm about to have a panic attack so im going to try to sleep now alsdjfalsdfj#no more watching anime until 2am
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man... i won't be able to finish my Big Pride Art this month :(((
#in this moment...#i'm actually sad about it ngl dkghjkgd#i still have a few days but... like...#gonna get tmi and venty rq! (tmi as in 'doesn't need to be public info' not the like... usual way tmi is used)#we had our car repossessed and it's taaaaanked my mental and physical health over the stress#we're getting it back!!! its been paid for!!! and it's going to be fine#but the adjustment has been. hard. and i'm handling things not super well despite how everyone's thinking i am#(like i'm doing so good i've grown so much i've helped my family so much!! yippee!!! but behind the scenes i'm having like#daily panic attacks and breakdowns teehee dkgjhdfgdjgd)#anyways if i post the art like... next month (if i finish it) then it'll be less gay :( but it will still be done ig...
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good lordy guys, you really like Cyn huh?
i really appreciate the love tho, I'm very self conscious about my art 'n stuff so it makes me very very happy to see people enjoy it 🙏💕
#silly doodle#might delete later#you guys scare me#how has that post gotten 1k notes already holy cow#love you goobers#I'm going to go have a panic attack now there's too many of you /j#is my art really that tasty? I dont think it is personally
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