#i thankfully have a physical copy so I can just Read those parts but

[divinestrikes]

don’t know how the booktok gorlies (gender neutral) do it but the audiobook I’m listening to got to a sex scene and I immediately had to close out of my hoopla app the second the narrator’s voice got breathy

[tales-from-nocturnaliss]

I saw a post on @birdofmay's blog that got me thinking. I actually started a reblog, to (thankfully!) realize in time my brain had skipped over several points of theirs in its utter joy at seeing autism explained in a visual way that made perfect sense to us.

So, because I do feel the need to talk about this from my own perspective, I'm sharing only the relevant part of the original blog - but linking to it so you can read on what autism, specifically 'severe' autism as it's labeled, feels like for OP.

Taken from @birdofmay's blog:

""I just saw one of those "autism isn't linear, it's a spectrum" posts again and one picture was that how much the traits are pronounced could look like this:

And yeah, exactly, to use the outdated terms "high functioning" and "low functioning" - this individual here would be considered high functioning. Some traits are very pronounced and in fact very disabling. That's why "high functioning" dismisses the struggles of those autistics.

But they are considered high functioning because there are many traits that aren't that pronounced.""

This is the part my brain lasered on. Here's the thing: as I've stated before, I got my diagnosis back in January, at age 42. Since then, I did a hyperfast catch-up, and one part of it was, somehow, to get a bit involved on Tumblr. To put it simply: I discovered just how wide and often disabling a spectrum autism is.

And I started feeling like a fraud. Like I didn't deserve to call myself 'autistic' because I wasn't suffering 'enough' compared to people labeled, say, low-functioning. From that black-and-white comparison model, I was more of a high-functioning autistic. It's true I can shower with ease (except for the physical fatigue), cook, dress, etc etc do 'normal' things from being raised in a 'normal' way because hell if anyone knew something was actually inherently different with me. Different times. I had depression back in the '90s, when it wasn't even perceived as a disease - or as real! So autism? All we saw of that was kids (male kids!) hitting themselves and rocking and making shrill sounds and, forgive the terminology, not seeming human. At least, from a 'normal' vantage point. Which is certainly what made me believe, at first, that I could not possibly be autistic. Chatting with a friend and reading up on autism in women drastically changed this decrepit, dehumanizing perspective I am ashamed was still my brain's comprehension of autism a mere year ago.

Talking with people who function differently/'worse' than me did as well. To a point where I started to dismiss my own struggles since they're not 'bad/disabling enough'.

Gods. Fuck that mentality of mine.

And this circles me back to OP's words: That's why "high functioning" dismisses the struggles of those autistics. Gods. EXACTLY. And I'm not gonna compare myself to someone who can't articulate vocally, or who struggles to walk a straight line, and whose good days are certainly worse than my bad days. That's not what this post is about.

It's about not dismissing yourself, wherever on that spectrum you are. And, perhaps more importantly, not comparing yourself (and your pain!) to someone else's. Because all that achieves is hurt. And we already suffer enough from our own brains being fickle, stubborn, self-sabotaging assholes.

As an interesting exercise, I placed myself on every point on this wheel (copying this image purely to have the colour descriptions, check the original blog for the black line's explanation)

Motor skills: few to no issues

Perception: way too acute

Sensory: sharp lights and noises are pain; worse/sensitive to more on bad days

Language: few to no issues except during meltdowns

Executive Function: complicated most of the time

Social, because I feel this is missing: limited anxiety, able to talk to strangers, but exhausting

I consider myself well-functional overall. I have few needs, but they are deep needs - like avoiding getting too much light in, avoiding people (especially chatty ones), avoiding noisy environments... because this is pain to me. Pain that can lead to meltdown that can and will lead to outward aggression. I thus don't know what functioning category I'm in.

And that is where the wheel feels like the best explanation possible for me - a spectrum that is so wide and broad and perceived so differently from person to person. And why my brain quickly obsessed with sharing it and here we are now. Hopefully with me not doing a rude thing again XD but the information feels more important than the risk, if only because:

I feel it needs known, by all, on the spectrum or not, that autism is in fact a very wide spectrum, and that all on it, whether officially diagnosed or not, are not only welcome with their struggles and successes, but that their perceptions of their own lives are VALID.

And I'm telling myself that too. Stop comparing! Stop thinking that, because you're 'lucky' enough to be able to talk and write and do stuff, that your voice isn't valid. In fact, it's rude towards those who can't because, unwittingly, and unwillingly I'll give myself that but now that I've come across the thought I feel horrible about it, it's somehow placing yourself above them. Or them beneath you. And that's not what a spectrum is about. Even though I grasp, and I'm sure others grasp this as well towards themselves, we are conditioned to believe we aren't worth as much once we deviate from the norm.

Well, fuck the norm. Even 'autistic' 'norms'.

There really is no norm. Only experiences, perceptions, values. Surely other things I can't come up with now. But the bottom line is: everyone, ND or not, suffers in their own way. Some more, some less. And we shouldn't invalidate our struggles because someone, in our perception, 'suffers more'. Just like we can't invalidate their suffering because, in our perception... well, our perception doesn't understand their suffering.

I feel breathless. Too many thoughts. Realizations. Desire for tolerance and understanding. Lil' bit of anxiety too, posting this. Maybe I shouldn't. But ah well. Openness and all that shit. Screw tags. Too personal.

[theyilinglaozus]

I was tagged by the incredibly lovely @danhoemei to share 9 books that I intend to read in 2022. You can see their choices here. Thanks so much for the tag dear! 💕 I fear you may have opened pandora’s box though as getting me to talk about my readings means I will never keep quiet 😂

There’s always a lot I want to read, but whether or not I have the time is another matter. Thankfully, my Goodreads challenge is going pretty good so far this year, and I’ve already dug into some reads that I’d been waiting to get to for a while. That joint with speaking to some reader friends and exchanging recommendations has really reinvigorated my reading challenges, but here’s a few novels I’d really like to finish throughout 2022: 

1 - Tian Ya Ke (Faraway Wanderers), by Priest.

I’ve read Faraway Wanderers in bits and pieces throughout last year, but I’ve not yet read it from beginning to end. I aim to change that, especially now that I’ve finished (and am currently - very slowly - rereading Qi Ye). The fact that it’s one of the novels we’re reading at Immortal Wanderers has motivated me greatly, as it’s so great to talk about the novel with such a great group of friends. @xuxunette’s translation is so lovely to read too, and I’m really enjoying reading their chapters so far. 

2 - Heaven Official’s Blessing, by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu.

Thank goodness for the official English translation, as I was holding off on this novel to wait for the drama (if we’re lucky enough to see it air). In the end, I’ve since decided to buy the novels and read as they release, as I much prefer reading a physical copy rather than through a screen. I’m currently reading through the first volume and will likely start the second straight after, but there’s no way I’ll be able to finish the whole story this year simply due to the fact that not all the novels will be finished releasing by the time the years up. 

3 - Scum Villain’s Self Saving System, by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu.

I’ve been wanting to read this ever since I finished watching the animation, but the translation I originally had ... wasn’t the best. However, now the official translations are out I can finally submerge myself into the absolute insanity of this story. I’m absolutely loving it so far, and cannot wait for the second volume to drop in April. This is fast becoming a much loved read for me, since it’s just so funny yet so brilliant at the same time. 

4 - Thrawn Ascendancy: Lesser Evil, by Timothy Zahn.

For those that know me, you’ll know that I’m a big Star Wars fan, and I enjoy reading some of the novels. Lesser Evil is the final book in the Ascendancy trilogy, and I have yet to start it. Although this trilogy hasn’t been quite what I hoped - especially considering Thrawn is a character that has some absolutely incredible novel inclusions - I’m still determined to finish it off, especially before he shows up in the Ahsoka live action. 

5 - Daughter of the Moon Goddess, by Sue Lyn Tann.

This is part of a duology - the second novel also dropping later this year - but my god, if the premise did not sound absolutely beautiful when I first discovered this before quickly rushing to put it on preorder late last year. This novel is inspired from one of my favourite Chinese legends: that of the moon goddess Chang’e. I plan to read this after I finish up volume two of TGCF, and I am very excited about it!

6 - A Magic Steeped in Poison, by Judy I. Lin.

Yet another duology novel, this is another novel that interested me as soon as I learnt of its very existence. This book doesn’t drop until late next month, but it’s currently sitting pride of place at the top of my next up and coming book haul. 

7 - Children of DUNE, by Frank Herbert.

I know some of my followers don’t like the DUNE series, but I for one love it. And ever since the release of the new movie last year I’ve been visiting (and re-visiting) the novels. I re-read the original first novel and read DUNE Messiah - which was absolutely bizarre, and a great exploration into how Paul’s actions have actually caused more harm than good, especially to those native to Arrakis - and I plan to continue the series from Children of DUNE this year.  I know things start getting absolutely batshit insane in these novels - especially once we hit God Emperor - so I’m ... curious to see how this goes. If I can read more than CoD this year, I will, but I plan to finish at least this one novel in the series. 

8 - A Prayer for the Crown-Shy, by Becky Chambers.

Becky Chambers, take my whole heart. Her books are like a warm hug and a mug of tea, and I adore them, especially the Monk and Robot series. I read the first novel last year - A Psalm for the Wild Built - and quickly fell in love with the two main characters; so I am very excited for the next novel in their adventures! These novels follow a non-binary monk and an absolutely charming robot, who try to make sense of their place in the world. Very sweet, very slice-of-life comfort (something we all need more of these days) I honestly couldn’t recommend the first novel - and Becky Chambers novels in general - more. 

9 - The Girl Who Fell Beneath the Sea, by Axie Oh.

I actually only came across this novel fairly recently - just as I was purchasing my latest book haul a month or so back, actually - but as soon as I found it and read the premise, I quickly had to add it to pre-order. It sounds so interesting and delightful, and I’m really excited for its release later this month. Plus it’s standalone, and I need more of those inbetween all these series and other bigger reads!

Other novels I’d like to read if I can this year include:

Lie Huo Jiao Chou (Drowning Sorrows in Raging Fire), by Priest,  Zachary Ying and the Dragon Emperor, by Xiran Jay Zhao, either The Shining or Salems Lot, by Stephen King, The Red Palace, by June Hur, The Ones We’re Meant to Find, by Joan He, the first volume of Legend of the Condor Heroes, by Jin Yong, and Black Sun, by Rebecca Roanhorse.

I’ll send tags out to:

@minnarr @manhasetardis @scorpionkings @huaschengs @wuyus @gusucloud @flyppa @delta-and-omega 

[jeongvision]

🗣 TEACHER!AU WITH JOHNNY

PART TWO! LET’S GET IT!

pairing. history teacher! seo johnny ✗ english teacher! fem! reader (ft. english teacher! mark lee)

genre. fluff, slight humor, high school teacher au, non idol au

warnings. some cursing and super soft hours after this huhu <3 and not proofread but we can discuss that later

author’s note. this is an continuation to this blurb! this could be read as a standalone but regardless i hope this brought a smile to your face bc it certainly did for me <3

You should’ve seen it coming. Damn it, it was right in front of you all along, so why didn’t you see it in the first place?

You and your students have been grinding nonstop for the past couple weeks to prep them for the AP English IV exam. There was a time where you requested two days off from work for emergency purposes (thankfully it was nothing too major) leaving you to ask your coworker- Mark, another teacher in your department -to help fill in your students on materials needed for the exam.

Everything was perfectly fine when you came back, your coworker going beyond your expectations in taking care of your students. However, one thing you failed to take notice of is the recent changes the college board made in their AP exams, including the course you teach. After reviewing some of the revisions they made, you felt your heart drop.

They’ve added three additional sections to the exam, meaning an additional two weeks is needed to cover the materials for your students to grasp some sort of mastery on those concepts.

You have four weeks left until the exam, and you’re already compacted those remaining weeks with other necessary materials for the exam.

“Fucking hell,” you murmured under your breath.

Running your hand through your hair, you let out a tired sigh. It’s already bad enough that you have to work overtime in making revisions to your lesson plans. However, it’s worse to see the crestfallen looks on your students’ faces when you dropped the news on them. They’re already tired enough from dealing with other classes and extracurricular activities. On top of that, you know most of them are stressing about their acceptance letters from their colleges.

You dropped the pen in your hand and rubbed both of your eyelids. Relax, y/n you told yourself. Don’t worry, you can do this. You heard the door behind you open, meaning someone walked inside the teacher’s lounge.

“Hey, y/n. What’s up- Woah, woah, WOAH! What do we have here?” the person exclaimed. You let out a chortle. You could distinctively point that voice out from anywhere, and you’re sure as hell that the state of your workspace is nothing short of hell. Taking your hands away from your face, you crossed your arms and leaned back a little in your seat to look up at the latter.

“Well, hello to you too, Mark,” you chuckled. You both gave each a fist bump before he sits down in the empty chair beside you.

“What the hell happened here?” He grabs some of the documents splayed out before you, eyes scanning through the materials that you’ve scribbled on in the past hour. “Wait, what? They added new things to the AP exam?”

You sighed and nodded dejectedly. “Yep. And somehow, I gotta squeeze all those materials into my lesson plans before they take it next month.” You rested your arms on the table and rested your head on top of them. “At this point, I just want to light myself on fire and call it a day.”

Mark lets out a cackle besides you, prompting you to smile. You’ll never mention it to him, but his laughs and smiles are always infectious. It’s what makes him so well-known and loved in the English department in the first place, both faculties and students.

“Please don’t do that. We love you too much to let you do that to yourself,” he responded.

Sitting back up in your seat, you take a glance at the clock. Just four minutes before the section ends and you have to go back to teaching your classes again. You heard your coworker clear his throat, bringing you to face him.

“Do you need help with any of this?” he offered.

You shook your head. “No, it’s fine, Mark. I appreciate the offer but I don’t want to bother you with my workload.”

“No, really. It’s fine, y/n. I only teach honors and they’re all pretty ahead in their assignments, so I have some free time if you’d like.”

Just like that, you swear you could see a halo shining above his figure, your world much brighter and clearer than it was this morning. “Oh my god, yes please.” You shifted through your papers, searching the remnants of the piles before handing it over to him. “Can you please go through these and grade them for me? Here are the answer keys for them.” After debriefing him for that stack of papers, you gave him another one. “And for these, can you make some copies for me? I need them tonight so I can plan for tomorrow’s class.”

He listened attentively to your commands, taking a mental note and nodding each instruction given to him. “Okay, got it, y/n. I’ll get these done and hand them over by the end of the day.”

You’re gawking at him, surprised that your coworker is willing to lend you a helping hand. You could honestly cry out tears of joy right now, but timing refuses to let you do so as the bell rings, marking the end of a period. You both stood up in your seats and grabbed the papers on the table into a neat pile. You let out a content sigh as you both walked out the teacher’s lounge.

“Thank you so much, Mark. You’re the best,” you exhaled. Outside your classroom, you already see some students entering inside as you left it unlocked, free for them or your coworkers to enter as they pleased. You both stood next to its entrance before he shrugs his shoulders at you.

“Hey, I mean it’s what I do best, right? Being the best.”

You rolled your eyes and gave him a playful shove, earning a laugh from him. Saying goodbyes to one another, you walked inside your classroom. You nodded to the students present. “Afternoon, class,” you greeted.

“Good afternoon, Miss y/n!”

“Miss Y/n, there’s a bouquet of flowers on your desk,” one of your students called out. You raised an eyebrow. Flowers? Looking over to your desk, your student was certainly not lying and neither are your eyes. Perched in the middle of your desk lies a vase filled with varying colors of tulips. Petals are in full bloom and the stems are clipped uniformly. You walked over and saw a notecard attached to one of the flowers.

“Who is it from, Miss Y/n?”

“Yeah! Who got you flowers?”

You looked up and realized more of your students are present, capacity almost at its max. Class was starting soon so more and more are rushing in to see the surprise gift settled on your desk.

“Is it Mr. Kim in the science department? I saw you two walking together in the hallways last week.”

That assumption piqued your interest. “Wait, Mr. Kim? The physics teacher?” you asked. The student, Krystal, nodded, causing you to huff incredulously. “Krystal, please. We’re merely just friends.”

Another student chimes in. “Friends don’t lock arms with each other at work.”

“Jongin, please. Your last girlfriend only stayed with you for a month and she started dating an upperclassman a week later.”

“Hey—”

“Guys, calm down,” you interjected. “As much as I love you crazy bunch, I am still your teacher. Therefore, what occurs in my personal life stays private, and how much I am willing to share with you all lies in my discretion.” But unbeknownst to you, one of your students sneaks behind you to get a glance of the card, discreetly reading the contents:

‘The best deserves nothing less than the best.

Yours truly.’

The student, Luna, almost lets out a squeal. “Guys! Guys!” You jumped in shock, startled by her sudden presence and her high-pitched voice. “I think it’s Mr. Lee! The other English teacher!”

All attention is now on her, excitement filled in the air.

“Mr. Lee? The one that teaches honors?”

“The one with boba eyes?”

“The one that laughs at everything?”

Luna nods to each question, visibly thrilled with the subtle jump in her steps as she walked towards her classmates. “Yes! I heard Miss y/n calling him the best earlier and Mr. Lee joked about being the best! And in the card, it said ‘the best deserves nothing less than the best’.” The bell rang, marking the beginning of the period, but that didn’t stop your students from chattering with happiness, faces completely wiped from fatigue and stress of the upcoming exams. Some students entered your classroom late to the discussion, prompting other students to fill them in only to also be electrified by the ‘news’.

You run a hand through your hair again and sighed. Not this again, you thought to yourself. But just before you could jump in to stop all this chaos, you heard someone knock on your open door, diverting your attention and your class’ to the intruder.

“Well, good afternoon, class,” the person chuckled. “Why’s it so boisterous here? Did I miss a party or something?”

Of course, what better person to appear now of all times? It was none other than the infamous history teacher, Johnny Seo. You rolled your eyes before laughing. Coincidence, my ass.

“Mr. Seo! Someone gave Miss Y/n a bouquet of tulips! She has a secret admirer!” Luna stated.

He raised an eyebrow at her direction. “Oh, does she now?” He looks back at you with a grin. “Did Miss Y/n find out who this secret admirer is?”

“We think it’s Mr. Lee from honors English.”

“And what makes you think so?”

“Because we heard her call him the best earlier before class started, and the notecard called her the best.”

“Coincidence? I think not,” Jongin nodded.

All of the students followed along in unison, profoundly proud of their assumptions that left you shaking your head in disbelief. Surely, you had a smile on your face, but it’s surprising to know how your students are able to make such large assumptions based on groundless evidence. You sat down in your chair and turned on your computer, getting your lesson plan ready for the period as your students entertained themselves with Mr. Seo.

Johnny takes it all in, nodding to all of them before walking up behind your desk. “Well, I think it’s safe to say that you don’t pester too much to Miss y/n about it. You know how much she likes to keep her life private.” While you were browsing through your saved files and pulling up powerpoints, you felt the latter tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “Right, Mrs. Seo?”

And just like that, your hands stilled. Wait, did he just—

“Hold up..”

“What?”

“Did you just—”

“Mrs. Seo?”

“Huh?”

You squeezed your eyelids shut. Oh my god, here we go again—

“YOU GUYS ARE MARRIED??”

jeongvision’s milestone event!

[lilover131]

Chapter 56 Analysis+Theories

AHHHHHH CHAPTER 56 AHHHHHH!!! <--Chrissy every time a chapter comes out

I wasn’t as hyped up about this one as I was for the last one thankfully, seeing as we didn’t have a super long wait, but I certainly don’t want to diminish in any way the importance of this chapter!!!

I won’t waste any time and will get right to it, so buckle in, cuz’ the theory train is coming! More under the cut!

 So I’ll start by saying that when I first read the chapter, it was 2 AM where I was. I had been sleeping and just kinda magically woke up right when the chapter just came out, so I like to think there was some fate there. But when I opened that chapter on my phone and the first thing I saw was that Syaoran color spread, I audibly gasped and instantly woke up a bit.

 I woke up not because it was absolutely stunning to look at, or even at the fact that we haven’t had Syaoran in a color page for a while. No, the thing that caught my attention was the serious atmosphere it contained and the tone that it seemingly set. To me, this was one of CLAMP’s subtle ways of saying “Prepare for the final battle”. I could be reading into it too much, but I was right about what I believed the Syaoran and Kaito color page insinuated, so I’m gonna stick to my guns here.

 We start off the chapter without a moment’s pause where we left off last time. It continues right from the last point of the conversation where Sakura dropped the bombshell that she had seen Kaito use magic. She seems to think that they may not believe her at first, but Syaoran interrupts her to affirm that he 100% believes her and that he even already knew. Sakura is naturally confused by this, but he finally FINALLY gets to tell her what he’s been dealing with this whole time, and it definitely seems to be an uncomfortable topic for him. But at least this time he got to tell Sakura truthfully that he hadn’t ever intended on keeping this from her but was physically not able to. Despite not needing to feel guilty about this, Syaoran seems uncomfortable for the simple fact that someone else had that much control over him, and he was unable to do a thing to stop it. It’s also important to keep in mind that Kero and Suppi were hearing this for the first time themselves as well (about the silencing at least).

 Not much time passes after this before Kero and Suppi fess up to also knowing about Kaito, but they admit that theirs was a conscious decision rather than force, but that they believe they too would have been silenced like Syaoran was had they attempted to speak. One could say that since they didn’t know Syaoran was silenced in the way he was that this is not entirely truthful or was just a bad decision, but in reality it still makes perfect sense why they thought to be more careful. They saw Kaito’s magic first hand violently take down Eriol, and if he could shut down a magician of that caliber from halfway across the world, then he could easily do the same or worse to the guardians. And since they also weren’t yet aware of his true intentions with Sakura, it would have been likely seen as dangerous to provoke him and possibly put Sakura in harm’s way. I guess the only thing that doesn’t make much sense to me is why Syaoran and the guardians didn’t collaborate and put together what they knew sooner. Even when Yue went to Syaoran’s apartment, the topic of Kaito or Eriol never came up, and since they both clearly had Sakura’s best interest in mind, I’m not sure specifically why they chose to keep their information to themselves when they both knew they had the same goal. This, I would say, was actually a bad decision on their part, but when it comes down to it, they’re not perfect and everyone makes mistakes (I think Cinzia made the same point here, so I apologize if it seems like I’m copying here! I just also agree when it comes to this).

 I’m actually going to pull in a little thing I learned from my counselor not long ago when I felt guilt over a particular decision I had made long ago, and that is that you can only work based on the emotions and information you have at the time. And because we don’t know the future, it is not possible to always make the right decisions, but there is also no telling if our decisions would have changed things for the better, so it is best not to dwell on them. I believe truly that based on what they knew at the time and through the experiences they had, they were likely only trying to protect each other, but missed that they could have probably helped each other. It’s easy to miss things when you’re on the defensive.

 What I love about Sakura after this is that she forgives them immediately. This is not the first time she’s had things hidden from her for her protection, and naturally it’s upsetting to not feel like you can be trusted to deal with the serious information. When Syaoran told her how he’d been hiding what he knew before, she was upset but more because she thought he suffered as a result. This time around though, they concealed things from her not because they were worried about how she’d handle it, but rather out of fear from what Kaito would do if they tried, so it’s a completely different reason and much easier to forgive. Sakura is able to differentiate this, because she is a very emotionally intelligent girl and a lot more observant than she gets credit for when it comes to reading people. She’s grown a lot and isn’t as ‘dense’ as she was in Elementary School.

 Then we get a precious gift of seeing Syaoran show off how smart he is, working out how Kaito managed to make them forget about said confrontation at the botanical garden. He’s probably thought about it a lot already, considering he mentioned before that he felt like someone made him forget something. But this time, he had additional information that Sakura was able to provide, and this was the final piece of the puzzle he needed. The most important detail that Sakura gave him was the location in particular, the botanical garden. He knew that that was where they intended to go, but that they had yet to go there. This prompted him to check his phone and see how much time might have passed without them realizing, and because he knew what time he had arranged to meet Sakura, 9:30 AM, he was able to observe that it was impossible for them to meet, go to the botanical garden, have this encounter with Kaito, and both get back to their houses in only 16 minutes. This meant it was not just a mere meddling of memories but rather time magic as it was the only explanation for the time discrepancy issue and memory loss. I can’t say how freaking proud I was of Syaoran for working this out. He’s such a smart boy, but I know that Sakura also would have been able to come to the same conclusion had she had more knowledge about the magical world. Sakura is running on pure instinct right now, which is super strong, but Syaoran really helps fill in those gaps where things don’t make sense for her, making them the perfect magical team!  

 The scene changes to Momo, who appears to be keeping tabs on the conversation (though it’s unclear if Kaito is aware while they are under Siege). And this part is perhaps the most worrying of the entire chapter, and I’m not talking about the line where the English translation says “Into the final act of your story”. That line in particular is a gross mistranslation cleared up by @meimi-haneoka​, who graciously gives us translation notes each month in comparison to the Japanese version. The actual line in fact says “Into the final act of THE story”. This changes the entire tone of that page as the first translation implies it is leading to Kaito’s death, whereas the Japanese translation actually more implies that we’re nearing the climax of the story. Momo’s facial expressions also match the wording of the Japanese translation better, as we know she does not seem to want Kaito to die, so she would certainly look more upset here if she were speaking of such a thing. Also, I have to speak up about how pretttyyyy Kaito looks in that panel. The way CLAMP designed that page is just stunning as always.

 HOWEVER

 Back to what I was saying before! The most concerning part of the chapter for me is the page right before that, where Momo says “Once a spell’s been seen for what it is, it all comes crumbling down. Particularly, where time magic is concerned. And that’s to say nothing of your target’s considerable power. Now everything you’d turned back time to undo. Everything you’ve succeeded in freezing…is beginning to move again”. So here comes Chrissy’s big crazy theory and possible overthinking, but bear with me here!

I think…that what they are saying here is that these moments that were frozen in time and turned back were cut off from the timeline and now floating in a separate space. And now these scenes, which were all intense in their own way and incredibly frustrating for us, are about to move forward.

….all of them….

….at the same time….

This concept isn’t exactly new in CLAMP series. It happened with Tsubasa where Syaoran turned back time to go back to a moment where he could take Sakura’s hand and keep her from being cursed, and to keep that moment ready until he could return, it was in its own separate dimension, cut off from the rest of the universe. Eventually, once he got there, time started to move forward again. Turning back time is a taboo in the magical world for a reason, and Kaito has done this over and over and over again. But also, wouldn’t it be so like CLAMP to say “Hey, we know you’ve been frustrated that all these scenes were seemingly amping up to a big confrontation, but then Kaito rewound time over and over, so how about we give those back….ALL AT THE SAME TIMMMMEE?”. Can you even imagine the consequences of such a thing? At least three of the occasions where Kaito turned back time, Akiho went into what I call ‘book-mode’, where she is no longer herself and tries to absorb Sakura along with her magic (and even succeeds on one occasion). Then there is also Syaoran and Kaito’s battle and Syaoran having his outburst about Kaito being a magician right in front of Akiho. It would be absolute utter chaos, and honestly I’d be living for it. Lmao.

If you believe that this line Momo said was simply to state that his time magic won’t work anymore and that things will continue to progress in this timeline, that would make perfect sense as well, so I don’t want to discount that. I’m just throwing out theories here based on what I know about CLAMP and concepts that are not out of the realm of possibility.

The scenes from here on out bounce a little bit back and forth from a continuation of the conversation with Syaoran and the guardians and present time with Akiho at school. I kinda like the way they did the transitions here, and it didn’t really feel awkward at any point but rather pulled up the relevant information when it was needed.

When Akiho comes in to the classroom, Sakura recalls how the topic of Akiho came up in the conversation from the day before. It’s natural for everyone to question at this point what she knows and if she is someone to be concerned about too. Syaoran mentions that he can’t detect any magic from her, which was something he had looked into from the very first day Akiho arrived at Tomoeda Middle (he knew literally nothing about her, but you know how transfer students go in this town. Lmao). Sakura drops another bombshell here by saying that she actually senses something in Akiho, but she is unclear of what that is and why she feels that way. It’s completely likely that she’s strong enough now to sense the suppressed magic spell the association and her clan put on her. I also noticed Syaoran seemed to tense up when Sakura said this, and I’m sure that this new information probably made him feel very uneasy. Sakura’s instincts are never wrong, and if she feels something, that means there is something, but to think that it’s something even Syaoran can’t sense would definitely be concerning.

 It is then that Syaoran decides to approach the idea of addressing Akiho directly about Kaito’s magic to see what she knows. Maybe at this point in time he is thinking “If she possibly has some sort of magic in her, then she might know already about Kaito”, but like Sakura, he has seen Akiho’s behavior as a person and probably believes that she is not doing anything malicious of her own accord. Perhaps he thinks that Akiho might be able to talk some sense into Kaito and put a stop to things. But the way he goes about it doesn’t push Sakura, but rather just offers it as a suggestion as something a bit more direct.

 Before we see Sakura’s response to this, we are back to Akiho in the classroom and she is very cheerful from having gone out with Kaito the day prior, and OMG CAN I JUST GUSH FOR A MOMENT ABOUT HOW FREAKING PRECIOUS SHE IS? She is seriously adorable, and the more I see her smile, the more it makes me want to burn her whole clan down to the ground for being so awful to her. But also, it reminds me how strong she is to have gone through everything she did and still smile and hold no hatred in her heart. I can’t honestly say I would be the same in her shoes, so it’s really admirable. For those My Hero Academia fans out there, remember Eri’s smile? You know the one I’m talking about. That’s how I feel every time Akiho smiles.

Anyways, back to Sakura’s response. She decides, in a very Sakura-like fashion, to avoid the subject with Akiho for now. It is true that they don’t fully understand who Kaito is and what his intentions are, but the one thing she does know is that he is considered precious to Akiho, and that at least says something about his character. Akiho herself also isn’t an idiot and is perceptive to Kaito’s feelings. Even when he’s smiling, she can tell when he’s actually hurting inside, so if he had bad intentions at all, that likely wouldn’t go unseen either, so Sakura decides that she’ll wait for Akiho to come to her first if the discussion between them needs to happen. I think this is a very mature decision on her part but also continues to show how much she considers the people around her and cares for them.

Back in the present, Akiho apologizes for talking so much, and Sakura tells her that she doesn’t mind and will listen to whatever she has to say. More than just trying to show good will as a friend, I think this is also her way of opening up the door to tell her “If you want to talk about more serious things, I’m here to listen as well”. That way, when the time comes, Akiho will feel comfortable having that conversation with her.

The scene moves on to Yukito’s home where all the guardians are having a nice little get together in their true forms. It’s not entirely necessary for all but Yue to do this, but I love it as we haven’t gotten to see much of them in these forms in the series so far, especially Spinel and Ruby Moon. Ruby Moon is surprised that they decided to go along with what Sakura said, which I suppose makes sense considering they’ve been kinda doing their own thing up until now. But it turns out that it was Syaoran who made the final decision, and the others just took his lead.

 I love that Syaoran was so comfortable just trusting Sakura and realizing that this time, they needed to let her make some choices, especially since it concerned her the most. Moreover, I love that Kero, Suppi, and Yue just basically caved when Syaoran agreed. This shows how much they respect the opinion of not just Sakura, but Syaoran too. They could have easily gone off and continued to work secretly without Sakura, but they didn’t do that. It obviously didn’t work well for them before anyways.

 I cracked up when Ruby Moon mentioned how much Syaoran has grown a lot and used to be a ‘pouty brat’ back when they were in Japan the last time (in his defense, Eriol was screwing with him a lot, so he had a lot of good reasons for the bratty attitude. Lmao). But Kero and Yue’s responses are just precious. They both have the same expression initially, but their actual responses seem to differ quite a bit. Kero states that he will always be a brat to him and that he’s only grown ‘a little’. This is classic Kero essentially saying he agrees that he’s grown a lot, but he won’t admit it yet, hence why Spinel calls him childish. Hahahaha.

Yue’s response however makes me absolutely melt. He states he’s not upset about the mention of Syaoran’s growth, but that that he doesn’t think they “should be in such a hurry to grow up”. He sounds just like a freaking dad here who is happy to see his children grow up, but is also wanting to them to slow down and stay children simultaneously. I am absolutely living for it, and I love seeing how soft he gets when it comes to them. -squeals-

Despite how lighthearted this scene is, I’m gonna put out another theory here that might seem like I’m overthinking and perhaps makes this appear a bit darker than possibly intended. My thought was “Why did CLAMP put such focus on this subject right now?”. They could have simply stated that they decided to go along with Sakura and been done with it, but the made a point to talk about the children’s growth as human beings, particularly Syaoran. Now where am I going with this you ask? Perhaps it’s the Tsubasa PTSD speaking, but when CLAMP has dialogue like this, it usually it done quite purposely at times, because it is meant to enhance our emotions when a particular moment comes later on. So when I thought “Now, why would they be talking so much about how Syaoran’s grown emotionally and how much Kero and Yue care about him?”. I think they are trying to emphasize how much people in general care about him. CLAMP showed it again recently with Touya, who threatened Kaito and purposely included Syaoran in his statement, and again when Kaito pointed his staff at Syaoran and Sakura reacted. CLAMP is pointing out right now how much people care about Syaoran, and I think this is once again a signal that something bad is going to happen to Syaoran, and I think it’s going to be soon.

 Now, Cinzia actually recently found my reaction to spoilers of chapter 1 of Clear Card (that’s right, chapter 1 from all the way back in 2016), and from the very beginning, I have been screaming at the top of my lungs that I had the worst feeling that something bad was going to happen to Syaoran. I imagine some of you are probably tiring of hearing it from me. Lmao. So here we are, 55 chapters and numerous bad dreams later, and I finally feel like that time is really really close. I’m calling it right now that it will probably happen within the next 4-5 chapters, and if I’m wrong, I will eat my words, but them even putting Syaoran on the color page all by himself for this chapter gives me more reason to think that “that time” is approaching.

 That is a good transition for me to talk about the last part of this chapter. We are finally getting some progress on this play Naoko has been writing, and the moment she mentioned it was about “Twin Alices”, I thought to myself “this is going to be where the climax happens”. The pieces are coming together for it, and we’ve finally gotten to hear the premise of this play. We all knew Naoko would ask Sakura and Akiho to play the main roles, but it’s unclear what the role she wants for Syaoran will be when she inevitably peer pressures him into it. Lol. But I’m telling you, I really think this play is where shit is going to hit the fan and we’ll finally get some real answers.

I can’t wait to see what happens from here on out, but it’s very clear to me that things are just going to get more and more intense from here on out!!

[jawritter]

Born Under The Wrong Sign

Part 1

Summary: Dean Winchester, hunter, killer of Gods, demons, and monster, was born as an Omega. It never felt right, and he wants a change of biology. After all, just cause it's what we're assigned, it shouldn't identify who we are...

Pairing: Omega!Dean Winchester x Alpha!Reader

Written For: @spnkinkbingo​

Square field: Omegaverse

Word Count: 1833

Beta’d By: @miss-nerd95​! Thanks again hun!

Dividers by: @firefly-graphics​

Rating: Explicit

Warning: Identity Crisis? ABO Dynamics, smut, unprotected smut, mention of past abusive parents. John’s A+ parenting,  knotting, dirty talk, language, talk of sex change and presentation changes. Some self hate. I think that’s about it.

A/N: This is the first fic I’ve ever written like this one, even for ABO, and even though I’m sure they’re out there I’ve never read one quite like it. So, that being said, I’m pretty nervous about throwing this one out there for you guys! So I really do hope you enjoy it! Feedback is golden! Please do not copy my work! This is part 1, part 2 will drop later this week!!

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Being a hunter was hard, regardless of anyone's presentation. 

Dean had it a bit harder than most. It was bad enough when your father was John fucking Winchester, but if you were also born with the rare presentation of Omega, and you were a male on top of that, well, life was definitely not going to be in your favour. 

Dean had been able to hide his presentation from his father for the most part. He had presented late. He was already 19, and only just an year ago had endured his first heat, which nearly scared him to death because he had thought he was a Beta up until that point. 

Suppressants thankfully helped in keeping his scent from his Alpha father and Sammy was usually at Bobby’s most of the time. It was a lot harder to hide things from his little brother because he was with him 90 percent of the time, and had a knack to call him out when Dean was hiding something. 

Why couldn’t he just be born a Beta? Hell, nothing was better than this, was it.  

Male Omegas were rare, very rare, and usually went unwanted and almost never found a mate. It was almost impossible to find an Alpha female, because they were almost as rare as an Omega male and Dean had never been with a man before. It scared the fuck out of him that one day he might have to do just that in order to survive a heat. Then throwing pups into the equation with the life he lived and a not so supportive father? Fuck… This was bad, and he had to hide it and fight his biology as long as possible. 

The night John found him in heat in a Denver motel room when he was only 22 years old was a night he tried to respress. John had been so...angry. Dean thought he was going to beat him to death; he was so angry. How could the son of John Winchester be a Beta after all? That was unacceptable. 

It took almost a year for his father to look him in the eye again, and he had to work extra hard to prove that he could still follow orders, and could still hunt. It took him even longer to prove that his Omega presentation didn’t make him weaker than the Alphas they hunted with as well, and that he could hold his own. 

Dean was larger than any male Omega they had ever seen, and that was a good thing.  It meant John could hide the fact that his son was an Omega from other hunters. He was also just as strong as any Alpha male, and could carry himself with the same dominating demeanor when he needed too. It was a prodigy of being a child of war really. Cause that’s what this was, wasn’t it? War? 

Years after John’s death, when Dean was around 35, he met you. 

At first, he thought you were another Omega because you were too small and petite for an Alpha. That was until he caught your scent anyway. It threw him into an immediate heat, and he knew you were his. You took a little convincing, but after a while you came around to claiming your Omega. It was the first real knot Dean had ever taken, you made sure to keep his claiming mark low, because an Omega male hunter around other hunters was probably the equivalent of a black spot on a pirate. They would surely stop respecting him, if not kill him. 

For years now, whenever Dean’s heat would come close, the two of you would go and hide away in one of Bobby’s old cabins so that you could take care of your Omega, and he’d be safe during his heat. 

Pups were not an option for a hunter, regardless of whether the Omega was male or female. It just wasn’t wise. Dean was absolutely not for having pups, being knotted was nothing more than a means to an end for him, and he worked extra hard to keep up with all birth control. You even made sure to take it yourself, because being a female Alpha, you still oddly ran the risk of pregnancy, even if it were rare and a lot harder than it was for Dean to get pregnant, with him wanting no slips whatsoever. It was just too dangerous. 

Normally you got through Dean’s heat without much trouble, in fact you enjoyed your time during them with him. It was the only time Dean would ever let his guard down and let you take care of him the way an Alpha should of their Omega. 

This time though, it was different. The fever was a lot higher than usual. Dean was a lot more needy, and this heat was long, longer than his average anyway, and even Dean was getting frustrated. 

As you lay on the bed next to him now, your knot still holding his body in place to your own, and your fingers brushing through his sweat dampened hair, you couldn’t help but notice how sad he looked. Honestly, it killed you. You wanted to make it better for him. 

You’d reverse the roles if you could. You really would. You wouldn’t mind being an Omega, because in truth you hated being a female Alpha. There was no respect there as an Alpha, and it was tiring. 

“You know, people are born the wrong genders. Males can sometimes identify as females and vice versa all the time. Do you think it’s possible to be born with the wrong presentation?” Dean asked, his voice low, as if he was ashamed of even thinking of the question. 

You knew how Dean felt about his presentation, but you never would have guessed he would  ask you that question, and for a moment it stumped you. Slowly, as to not hurt him, you withdrew his length from your body as your knot subsided, not bothering to get dressed because you knew he was going to need you again in less than an hour. 

“Dean, I don’t know,” you told him honestly. “I mean, there’s a lot more than hormones and physical attributes that make up your presentation. It’s not as simple as a few operations and some hormone replacement therapy to change your biology. It’s something that’s part of you on a molecular level. I mean, what people who go through those types of changes is anything but easy, and they are damn brave for doing them, but as far as a presentation? I don’t know babe. That seems almost impossible.”

A high pitched whine escaped from his lips before he nuzzled deeper into your hair, and you couldn’t tell if it was his heat making him uncomfortable again, or if he was just that disappointed. 

“If I ever found a way, would you still love me?” he asked, and you felt as if you had been kicked in the face. How could you not love him? He was a part of you. He was your everything, and if he found a way to change his presentation you wouldn’t love him any less if it made him happier. Hell, you’d love to change yours too! So how could he even ask you that question? What had you done wrong for him to think that?

“Dean,” you coo, coaxing him out of your neck where he was scenting you and forcing him to look at you. 

You could see the Omega beneath was already crawling it’s way back towards the surface, and his cock was already twitching against your thigh, so you rolled him over on his back and start licking and kissing your way down his body until you reach his throbbing length, taking him in your hands and pumping him slowly before giving the tip a few kitten licks; reveling in the groan that fell from his lips. 

“I’d love you no matter what presentation you would be. You know damn well I’d love to change mine if I could. How could I hate you. You’re mine. You were literally created for me, and whether I’m calling you Alpha, Omega or Beta makes no difference to me,” you tell him earnestly before taking his length as deep into your mouth as you could, sucking until he was clawing at the sheets beneigh thim. 

“Fuck Alpha! Please! I need your knot,” Dean whimpered as he keened and arched into your touch as you licked your way up his torso to his lips, giving him a taste of himself as you captured his lips in yours before you sunk down on his ready length; swallowing up his little moans as you did . 

“Gonna take good care of you Omega, and after this heat is over, we will see what we can do about that presentation problem. I promise.”

Dean's groans and grunts turned into a deep moan as you started to ride him earnestly, rising and falling on his cock at a faster pace with each passing minute. You ran your fingers over the pebbled skin of his chest as goose bumps arose with every wave of pleasure that racked through his body. God he was so beautiful, it was almost painful. 

“You like that, baby,” you purred, leaning down long enough to run your tongue over his claiming mark, making him keen and grip your lips bruisingly. “Like the thought of me spread out real pretty for you, begging for your knot.”

“Fuck Alpha,” Dean cried, shuddering underneath you as you slowled your hips to an agonlizingly slowly roll over his, teasing him, and dragging out his release before your knot could lock you together again. 

“Bet you do like that don’t you? Bet you would love to have fucking spread open on your knot, milking you and letting you fill me with your pups; calling me a good little Omega.”

Dean’s orgasm raced through his body as he cried out, his teeth sinking into your shoulder as your knot locked the two of you in place, and your own release made you breathless. 

You helped Dean ride out his high, and when he fully came down, he slid the two of you on your sides so that you could lay there comfortably until you were able to release him. 

“I love you Dean, I always will,” you promised him. “When this is over, I'll do everything in my power to fulfill my promise.”

Dean nuzzled into your hold, and you could feel his body instantly start to cool as his heat finally waned, allowing him to fall into an almost immediate sleep. 

People should be identified by their genders, they should have the right to say when something feels off or different. Why should Dean and yourself be subjected to a biology that you don’t belong to. 

There had to be a way, and you wouldn’t stop until you found it.

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[stillebesat]

Christmas Eve (5/5)

Sanders Sides: Janus, Patton, Roman, Virgil Pairings: Past Roceit (was toxic), Familial Moceit (Dad Janus, Son Patton) Blurb: Of all the barriers that Janus expected to have to overcome in order to get his son a pet for Christmas, encountering his Ex, Roman, working in the pet store had never once crossed his mind. Fic Type: Christmas!Eve Fic, Past Lovers to Enemies to ??? trope, Dad!Janus, Kid!Patton, Frogmin!Virgil, MythicalMin!AU, Frogmin!AU Overall Fic Warnings: Past Toxic Relationship Talk, Manipulation/Lying Talk, Human-ish Creatures kept as Pets Taglist in Reblog

To Catch Up: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 

I’m sorry. 

Janus hadn’t missed how Roman had reacted to the words. How he’d tried to brush them off like it was nothing.

It wasn’t nothing.

It had taken him a long time, with the encouragement of his therapist and Patton’s unwavering love, to grow comfortable admitting when he was at fault. To apologize. To say those two little words and actually mean them without trying to use them for his own gain. 

He hadn’t even realized he’d even said ‘I’m sorry’ until he saw his Ex jolt like he’d just gotten electrocuted. 

I’m sorry. 

Two little words.

Two little words that he’d never said to Roman while they were together, but had made him, his Prince, say constantly back for every little slight or wrong doing Janus had accused him of. 

Two little words.

Two little words that he needed to say sooner rather than later to his Ex in a far more meaningful way.

I’m sorry.  

The phrase whirled in his head relentlessly as he half listened to Roman’s spiel about the store’s guarantees and return policies for their Min while also listening to Pattey’s excited chattering to the little Frogmin nearby as the two new friends looked through the shelves of Min clothing for a ‘gift outfit’ for Virgil to wear home. 

Apparently it was part of their Christmas package this year for their Mythical Mins...and quite considerate of Roman to bring up as Janus hadn’t realized, even with all his research, that the Mins would need clothing. That they would want to wear anything. 

He would have to keep that in mind. That Virgil should be treated less like a frog and more like a person. And people liked clothes. 

“What about this one!?” Pattey asked, pulling out something that was bright blue, though at Virgil’s hiss, quickly put it back. “But blue is so pretty, Vee!” 

“No.” 

“A little blue?”  “NO.” 

Their chatter in the background was comforting, and yes, semi distracting, but with his and Roman’s heads nearly touching as his Ex pointed to various key lines on the multiple forms he had him filling out, it helped to keep him grounded enough from his own thoughts to nod and hum at the proper moments as Roman spoke and not look like a completely besotted idiot.

Janus couldn��t stop the smile from tugging at his lips though as he tapped his pen on the counter, watching his Ex from the corner of his eye. It almost felt like old times. Back when they’d be up until four in the morning, a single desk lamp illuminated between them as the two of them desperately tried to hammer out the final details in their latest project. Roman even emphasized the important points the same way. Triple circling the return policy with a black marker as Janus dutifully initialed and signed where his Ex indicated. 

That didn’t mean he didn’t notice when Roman skipped over the line stating that he could call the store anytime if he had any concerns about the Frogmin. It was a slight enough omission, done so smoothly by his Ex, that If he hadn’t been reading along to keep himself semi-focused on what was being said, Janus would never have known.

He bit back a sigh, ignoring the ache in his chest as he signed his name to the bottom of the page. If they’d actually been back in college, he wouldn’t have hesitated to point out that Roman had skipped a line. Teased him about being careless with binding documents and surely he didn’t mean to imply that Janus couldn’t call. 

But he’d grown enough to recognize that this was a sign that Janus shouldn’t call. Not that he couldn’t. Roman was discretely setting a boundary for him not to cross and he...well he would recognize and respect it. 

“Is that all?” He asked, placing the pen on the counter. 

Roman’s eyes flickered as he straightened. “Well...you still need to pay.” He said turning for the register to ring up the Frogmin. “But yes that’s all the forms to say that Virgil is yours now.” He gestured to the pinpad before grabbing the papers flipping through the pages to separate out the copies that the store needed to keep.

“YAY!” Patton cradled Virgil, now wearing a black and purple hoodie, close to his cheek, beaming up at Roman. “Vee can come home and eat all the Spiders!!” 

“Maybe not all of them tonight, Pattey.” Janus said, giving his son a wink as he tried to push away his own gloomy thoughts and the pressure he could feel building in his chest. 

Stupid conscience.

He recognized he needed to apologize. To try and make amends for those two turbulent years he’d put Roman through. But it hardly felt like the right moment. It was Christmas Eve for crying out loud! How much more cliche could he get?

“We wouldn’t want Virgil to get a stomach ache and be sick on Christmas now would we?” He remarked, pulling out his credit card.

When would he ever have another moment though to tell his Ex he was sorry? He lived far enough away that a casual visit was out of the question and more than likely not wanted. Not unless something happened with Virgil...and even then...it would suck to have to face Roman again under well less than ideal circumstances.

Tonight was hardly ideal. 

But their conversation had gone civilly enough that maybe...maybe this was the best moment. 

The only moment.

It was two little words.

He could say them.

He just needed to prove to Roman that he actually meant them. 

Patton paused, frowning as he turned his head to Virgil before his eyes lit up again. “One spider as a treat.” He whispered. “Then you can help me put out the cookies and milk for Santa!” 

Virgil frowned, pulling his hoodie over his head. “Santa?” He asked at the same time Roman spoke up.

“What kind of cookies are you putting out for the big guy? Sugar? Snickerdoodle?” He asked, scooting the paperwork over for Janus to take.  

“CHOCOLATE CHIP!” Patton placed Virgil on his shoulder before spreading his arms out wide. “Daddy made thiiiisss many! That way Santa has lots and I can have lots too!” 

“Oh?” Roman raised an eyebrow to Janus. You bake? He mouthed.

Janus rolled his eyes, folding up the forms and placing them in an inside pocket. “Surprise. I finally figured out how to work an oven.” 

“Without starting the dishwasher on fire?”

Janus flushed, fumbling to put his card back into his wallet as the machine beeped at him. “Yes.” 

Crofters, why did his Ex have to remember that particular incident. It had hardly been his...proudest moment. Definitely one where he should have apologized, but instead had managed to convince the landlord that faulty wiring was the cause and he and Roman wouldn’t need to pay damages. 

Virgil snickered as Pattey looked between the two of them. “But Daddy...dishwashers only use water. There’s no fire there!”

Roman smirked, handing him the receipt. “Exactly.” 

Patton turned to him, tugging on his pants. “Daddy? Dishwasher’s aren’t for food. Don’t cook in them!” 

He reached down ruffling his son’s hair. “I know, Pattey. I only did it once. Don’t plan to do it again.”  

“Good! Because soggy cookies are not yummy. Not at all--oh! Mr. Prince Roman!” Pattey whirled to Roman. “Can Virgil eat cookies?” 

Roman flashed him a smile, eyes alive with laughter that made Janus’s heart skip a beat. “Yes, though not your usual cookies. Virgil needs a higher protein diet with less sugar than you do.” He grabbed a package hanging from a peg nearby, holding it out for Pattey to see. “These are Cricket Crumbles. Kinda like your no-bake cookies, but made from crickets instead.”

Patton lit up as he spun back to his dad, eliciting a squeaky hiss from Virgil as the poor Min clung to his jacket as Pattey grabbed onto Janus’s sleeve tugging it. “Daaaaddd?” 

Yah….He had seen that coming a mile away. “Mmm?”

“CanwegethecrumblesforVirgilsohecanhavecookieswithustoowhenwegethome? Plleeeeaassseeeeee?”

Janus raised an eyebrow to his Ex. “Is it too late---”

Beep. 

“Oops.” Roman said, not at all sounding apologetic as he pulled his hand away from the bag he’d just scanned. “That will be $7.89” 

 “Right.” He pulled out his credit card again, chuckling at Patton’s excited squeal as Roman handed the bag over to him. 

“YAY! Look Vee! Cookieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

“...I see that.” The Frogmin said in his low tone, tilting his head at the bag, his nostrils flaring.  

His Ex laughed, moving from behind the register, gesturing them to the door. “You always bend that easily to your kid?”

Yes. Janus shrugged, ignoring how his heart had leaped at hearing Roman’s booming laugh. “It’s Christmas.” 

Roman raised an eyebrow, amber eyes bright and sparkling and just perfect as he pulled open the door. “Mmhmmm. You spoil him rotten don’t you?” He said, lowering his voice as Patton and Vee darted past them into the night. 

“Look, look Vee! See that’s our car over there, and ooo look! All the stars are out!” Pattey cried pointing upwards, thankfully stopping on the curb without Janus having to remind him not to run out into the parking lot--a shockingly empty parking lot considering how busy it had been just twenty minutes earlier.  

“Not as much as you’d think.” He wanted Pattey to be better than him. To grow up realizing he couldn’t get everything he wanted with a well placed pout or scream. 

Speaking of being better.

Stomach twisting in knots, Janus placed his hand on the door before Roman could shut it and physically and figuratively lock him out. “Roman…” He drew in a steading breath, mentally crossing his fingers that Patton wouldn’t interrupt the moment as he looked him straight in the eyes. “I know it’s not the best timing.” Horrible timing. Who apologizes on Christmas Eve except the protagonists in a stupid holiday Romance Movie? “But I don’t know if I’ll see--I’m--I just want--It’s not worth much all things considered but I--well--” He’d probably never get another opportunity to do this.

Roman’s eyes flashed as he raised an eyebrow, his fingers going white as they gripped the door.

“I’m sorry.” Janus said, forcing himself to maintain eye contact as he spoke. “I don’t expect you to accept it.” He really wanted him to though. “But...I am sorry. Truly sorry. For how I treated you, our relationship. I--I was in the wrong and I shouldn’t have--”

Roman raised his hand, a single finger pressing against his lips, shutting up Janus entirely, breath catching in his throat.  “You’re right.” He said softly, eyes glittering in the faint lights from the parking lot. “It’s rather cliche timing.” He dropped his hand, taking a step back. “And...I don’t…” He exhaled, turning his head away to look back inside the store. “I’m not sure I want to hear it just yet, Dae.”

Janus flushed, feeling his cheeks heat up despite the rest of him feeling like he’d just got dunked in freezing water. “Because it sounds fake right?” He always sucked at apologizing when it actually counted. It never sounded real to him either. 

Roman huffed a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “No, you actually sounded genuine. But Dae--” He shook his head. “You put me through a lot. A lot. In college and I--I’m--I can see things are...different. I’m just...not ready yet. To accept your apology. I’d like to think I would at some point. But right now? Here?” He made eye contact once more, amber eyes surprisingly still glowing with warm. “I can’t. It’s hard enough to believe that you’ve actually changed despite what I’ve seen tonight.”

I only ever knew Liar Dae.

Right. Janus slumped, chest aching as he nodded. “I understand.” He’d known a fifteen minute conversation and an apology couldn’t erase those two years of toxic manipulation that easily. But he’d---he’d hoped--

“Good.” Roman searched his eyes before visibly relaxing. “And I can’t believe I’m saying this...but have a Merry Christmas, alright?” 

It wasn’t the ending he wanted. But all things considered. It was a good enough note for their unexpected meeting to end on. Janus nodded. “Merry Christmas.” He said softly, watching as his Ex locked the doors and disappeared deeper inside without a looking back.  

“Daddy?” 

Janus jumped, tearing his eyes from the door as his son grabbed his hand. “Mmm?” 

His little LilyPatton squeezed it tightly, looking up at him. “You should get two cookies tonight.”   

Janus chuckled, squeezing his hand back. “You think so?” He asked, glancing back to the doors one last time.

“Yes!” Pattey tugged at his arm, pulling him towards the car as Virgil crouched on his shoulder, head swiveling between the store and the car. “Dragon Witches always get cookies after working with the Prince! It’s the rules!”

“Oh? Well then, I can’t argue with that.” Janus pulled out the car keys, jangling them as he offered his son a small smile. “What do you think? Should we let Virgil drive us home to get those cookies?”

“DRIVE?!” Screeched the Min, mismatched eyes growing so wide they seemed to take up his entire face as he tried to bury himself in Pattey’s jacket. “ME?!” 

Janus laughed, purposely putting any further thoughts of Roman on the back burner until after his son and new friend went to bed. 

No use wishing for what could have been when he had his family right here in front of him. 

“No, I’ll drive.” He said unlocking the door, helping Pattey hop inside, pressing a quick kiss to his forehead before buckling in his son. “Lessons will have to wait until you’re older, Virgil.” 

Or until tomorrow morning when Patton unwrapped the remote control car Santa would be bringing him.  

End. 

[sleepysloth99]

A/N: Heyo everyone uhh basically my mental state got me fucked up so why don't we make headcanons for numerous Sweet Home characters. 2 parts. Part 1 is a simple them comforting you during an anxiety attack and part 2 is them reacting to you telling them that you're a burnout gifted kid (yes OP needs some fucking help😂).

Characters: Hyuk, Netflix Wook, Hyun, Jisu, Yuri

I suppose content warning? Anxiety is mentioned after all.

Part 1: Them comforting you during an anxiety attack.

Hyuk:

•Guy is clueless as fuck lol.

•He'd try to make things better but he actually kinda made it worse.

•He feels terrible since he feels so useless in this situation. He's not exactly great with people.

•Eventually he gathers himself and gives you a blanket and makes tea.

•Puts on your favorite anime or show in general.

•He apologizes for being so crappy with all this.

•You have a favorite stuffed toy? He'll get it for you.

•Lots of cuddles. If you want he can play a video game and you can watch him.

•He's trying his best :)

•This is only the first time though.

•Around the third to fourth time this happens he'll actually know what he's doing.

•Ask what's wrong and won't panic. He'd be a lot more calm and would definitely be less hesitant to hold you.

•Again just bear with him.

Netflix Wook

•Thought Hyuk was bad? Wook's even worse.

•He doesn't know what to say so he just pats your shoulder.

•Lots of headpats.

•Right after you calm down he searches up about anxiety attacks and what to do if someone is having one.

•He'll also search up what to say to a partner during an anxiety attack.

•The only reason he kept his mouth shut the first time was because he was scared he'd upset you more.

•Want him to cuddle you and hush you? He'll do just that.

•Want him to hold him because you find holding things more comforting then being held? He's already laying down.

•Whatever makes you calm down he will do just that.

•He also buys snacks for you.

•Overall one of those "Quiet Supporter" types. He doesn't really say anything because mind you he isn't exactly great with his words so using gifts and physical affection he will try to calm you down.

•One muscular teddy bear lmao.

Jisu

•Unlike Hyuk and Wook, Jisu is a lot better at handling emotions for the most part.

•She'll immediately ask what's wrong and hold you.

•She'll just listen, and give her input when she feels the time is appropriate.

•She'll order out food and watch a show with you.

•Hell for you? She'd illegally stream a movie lmao.

•Lots of soft blankets.

•If you want, she can sing for you or play the guitar.

•She keeps her composure despite secretly being freaked out since she's never dealt with someone having an anxiety attack.

•She has a bat so if you wanna go out and smash shit up she'll come with you.

•Wanna scream all your worries? She already has her bass set up.

•She'd paint your nails if you want.

•She'll let you lay in her lap (Imagine laying in Jisu's lap☺️)

•Gives headpats.

•Gives scalp massages.

•Just like Wook, provides snacks.

•Would go all the way and buy a fucking pet for you.

Yuri

•See what's so special about Yuri is that she's worked as a caregiver for years, albeit with elders.

•So believe me she's seen a LOT.

•What I'm trying to say is out of everyone here, she's the best when treating you during an anxiety attack.

•She asks what's wrong.

•She never yells by any means.

•She kinda whispers but not really.

•Very calming, uses lots of lavender and chamomile based products.

•Already making some tea (or some drink you like).

•She'll run a shower for you.

•She uses aromatherapy based products in said shower.

•She would run a bath for you but that wastes water and she doesn't want you to sit in your own filth.

•Uses aromatherapy lotion on you.

•She will do some skincare for you.

•Spoils you with cuddles and snacks.

•Tries to ask further questions like "How long have you felt like this? Is there any other problems?"

•She won't push you though.

•Sleeping on her lap with fluffy blankets and forehead kisses. (Bro imagine sleeping on the goddess's lap???😳😳😳)

•Surprisingly very sweet.

Hyun

•Bro not gonna lie he really wouldn't know what to do.

•He's broken as is so if he says anything that comes off as insensitive he doesn't mean it, he's trying his best.

•Another Quiet Supporter.

•Will give you a hug.

•Will let you sleep on him.

•He might start crying too. He feels so powerless in such a situation. Seeing his significant other panicking and not knowing what to do or say.

•He'll try and ask what's wrong but being in a similar position, he knows how annoying it can be when someone asks what's wrong.

•He's distant but close at the same time if that makes any sense.

•He'll read a book to you if you want.

•He'll try and whisper sweet nothings but again this is pretty foreign for him

•He'll get take-out for you and put on some anime.

•He'll even watch an anime he really hates as long as it makes you feel better.

•By the next day he'll pretend nothing happened but just expect a stuffed animal packaged up at your door. Who sent it? I dunno. (Not him that's for sure nope nope totally not him.)

Them reacting to you saying you're a burnout gifted kid.

Hyuk

•He kinda relates.

•He will always be there to let you know you're doing great.

•He will always be there to support.

•When he sees your homework scores lowering and grades crashing he'll be there to help you somehow.

•He actually does your homework while you sleep. By the time you wake up you have no clue because he made copies of it but he actually used your account to submit the work. Man the shit he does for you.

•One of the school staff actually almost caught him saying "You're not acting like your usual self. You never get such good score in math."

•Thankfully he looked at how you talk online especially to teachers and managed to kinda copy how you talk online.

•He still thinks you should talk to someone about this. You know someone professional.

•Again though he'll always be there for you.

Wook

•He wouldn't know what to tell you.

•"Yeah... that does suck."

•He'll support you and try to get you mental help for it but... yeah.

•He can't really relate to the whole burnout thing so he's very distant here.

•Course that doesn't mean he won't try and help you.

•Again he wants you to get mental help especially since he isn't the best with words.

•Really he's clueless. He'll try his best but honestly even Wook thinks he's the worst person for this.

Jisu

•She also can't really relate since she was always just the band kid scraping by back in school.

•She's still very empathetic.

•She'll try her absolute best to help you with the long term damage that is gifted child burnout.

•She will make sure you don't go abusing substances. So no you cannot have any of her cigarettes. She will literally throw them all away.

•She'll write songs to motivate you.

•She'll make sure you never give up on something just because you didn't get it right the first time.

•Seriously this woman loves you, she'll do anything to motivate you and make you happy.

Yuri

•Now Yuri can semi-relate. Being trained to take care of the elderly did do a number on her so she knows burnout when she sees it.

•She will literally smack your hand if you try and overwork yourself.

•"Don't. I'll do it."

•She really wants to do everything for you because she hates seeing you all burnt out.

•She's stubborn as hell so it's gonna take a lot to convince her to let you actually do your work.

•Seriously somebody come get her she's starting to burnout herself.

Hyun

•Lmao Hyun can relate 100%

•He IS a burnout gifted kid.

•So yeah he is actually the worst person to go to for this issue since he's having the same problem.

•However! That doesn't make him all bad.

•You can be burnout gifted kids together!

•Whether it's cuddling while comparing your current selves to your past selves or playing video games together to feel a false sense of achievement, you guys are doing this together.

•Is it the best and most healthy way to deal with this problem? No!

•Is it still a pretty great thing to have your boyfriend by your side and sharing all of your pain every step of the way? Hell yeah!

•In all seriousness, you two try to support each other.

•Lean on each other when the burnout gets unbearable. He'll offer a shoulder to cry on and you'll reciprocate (at least I hope you do.)

•You both try to get mental help or at the very least join one of those support servers on Discord.

•You guys often lie in bed late at night talking about how you both feel like failures. To which Hyun says "We can be failures together." In an attempt to make you feel better.

•It actually... kinda helped.

°

°

°

And with that being said, today's headcanons are done! If you want you can drop some requests, although I don't do any NSFW requests. But yeah that's it. I'm pooped, bye!💝

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Hi. Not VMIN or Namjin related, but I would love to hear your opinion about some critics (maybe haters is a better word lol) saying how Butter's success is inorganic. They were saying how it's just army mass streaming and mass buying etc, that the BB charts are irrelevant bec of it. It's a controversial topic and apparently it was common in the music industry to have payolas too? Lol. I never knew there's politics into it. Does streaming practically mean "cheating" ? Your thoughts?

You've come to the right place because I have a lot of opinions on the topic and I'm more than willing to share my thoughts because truly, just like everybody else, I'm sick and tired of yet another whiny white man of the week coming at us with baseless accusations of ARMY "cheating" and inorganically pushing Butter because that doesn't fit with what has been the status quo so far.

The issue, though really it only is an issue because it’s BTS and ARMY, is, like you said, ARMY buying Butter via the US store offered to us by BH/Columbia. This is funded either via funding accounts that gather donations and distribute them to those (usually fellow ARMYs) willing/wanting to buy the song, or people who just, well, want to buy the song because they like it, which includes non-ARMYs, aka locals/the general public. None of that is against the rules, which I think whiny white man of the week also acknowledged, but here we are anyway.

This complaint isn’t new either, we’ve already gone over it last year with Dynamite, so it’s another cyclical piece of discourse we’re having to deal with. Here is something that Bryan Rolli, a journalist writing (among other places) for Forbes and the man behind a lot of really good articles about BTS (among them also one in defense of them about this very topic), twted recently:

And he is right, it’s unrealistic to think that even a fandom as large as ours in the US would be able to find funds they are able to spend across five weeks and ongoing in order to just make the #1 happen based on sales. There is no way, unless we have some truly generous rich people amongst us who would be wiling to spend thousands of dollars. Which we don't, as far as I’m aware. Which leaves us with one conclusion: while yes, ARMY are able to buy a good quantity of copies of Butter, it’s ridiculous to think that a song that is such a hit hasn't found its way into the heart of locals as well and that there aren’t people out in the US who just like the song and have bought it. Not because ARMY asked them to, but because they genuinely wanted to.

Besides, regardless how many copies ARMY would buy, sales aren’t the only deciding factor that goes into which song gets onto the charts, and which one will be #1. 

In order to chart on Billboard Hot 100 you basically need points gathered across three major categories: Sales (physical as well as digital), Streams (this includes music streaming services as well as video streams on YT) and Airplay. There are more finer details that go into all three of these, but just knowing those basics is enough for this post.

Staying with sales, there are many ways in which you can game the system, most of them ways BH has never touched while US artists did. Have any of these critics ever proclaimed how that was breaking and manipulating the charts? Of course not. At the height of the bundles era a label could decide to bundle something as cheap as a lollipop with a song/album and the sale of that lollipop would count as song/album sale, even if you didn’t actually pay for the album/song. That used to be an awfully popular method of gaming the system, just like selling a single song on a CD for a dollar (which isn’t against the rules) knowing that physical sales weigh heavier than digital ones. Again, that’s something BH/BTS never did.

So, even if we’d have sales covered, we still need streams and airplay to get that number one. Do you know what one of the major factors was for why ON “only” made it onto #4 and never onto #1? It wasn’t the song being bad and ARMY not buying, but because it barely got any spins on US radios. And by barely I mean (if I remember right) less than ten.

More below the cut:

Years ago when BTS were not anywhere as famous in the BTS as they are now, ARMY would call radio stations across the US, send flowers and cupcakes, just to get them to play BTS. In most cases, radios laughed at them and refused to do it. Thanks to one radio DJ we even know that there used to be a group chat of radio DJs who spent their time ridiculing BTS and ARMY and discussing how regardless of what we’d do, they wouldn’t play them anyway because *inset dumb, likely ra/cist, reasons here*.

Thankfully with Dynamite and Butter being English singles, the tides have turned a little more in our favor. According to this website the wonderful BTSChartData has created, Butter has had a reach/audience of 12M when it comes to radio (I’m unsure if this is overall or just this week) with nearly 3.5k spins. This helps tremendously when it comes to BBH100 points, but it’s important to remember that really, we don’t have any real influence on radio playlisting. Labels do through something commonly known as payola. And many, and by that I mean many, do that for their artists. Notice how some songs are being played nearly every hour? And yet other things which are massive hits get barely any plays at all? As far as we know BH/Colombia has never done any of this for BTS. If they had, those spin numbers would look very differently.

At this point we could get into a whole argument how messed up it is that it took an English song for radios to play BTS while they basically refused to do so with their Korean ones, and how with radio charts labels have the ability to pay their chosen songs to be high on them, but that’s a can of worms that would take too much time and we’re all aware that it’s a thing that happens.

The last category is streaming and here it gets messy, or messier, depending on how you look at it. ARMY might be the only fandom with this degree of knowledge about streaming and how to make our streams count, how to set up playlists properly etc, and yes, we do use our knowledge to our advantage, so to speak. And yet the system still finds a way to penalize us for it by basically filtering out massive amounts of streams for apparently no reason whatsoever. While other songs and their first day streams saw a filter rate of perhaps ten, maybe twenty, percent, do you know what it looked like for Butter?

That’s quite the difference, right? And it remained at such drastic numbers for quite a while, too. Despite ARMY knowing how not to behave like bots, even though critics and antis love to present us as such. Does Spotify explain those filter rates, or even how those are decided and calculated? No. So basically ARMY is up against an invisible power that has all the tools while we have to hope we won’t get stepped on and crushed like ants.

Speaking of Spotify, a big part of how streaming numbers happen and how songs find their way in front of new audiences are playlists, specifically the ones curated by unknown Spotify staff members like Today’s Top Hits (28.8M followers) or Top 50 - Global (16M followers). Since those playlists are created by Spotify using whatever secret criteria, we have no influence onto them (other than some that depend, to a degree, on streaming numbers). Labels do through, again, payola. Labels can buy their artists top spots on the biggest playlists and thus their songs get massive streaming numbers, not because fans genuinely listen to them, but because random people listening to those playlists might have it playing in the background without them even really knowing it or being aware who the artist is or what the song is called. You know those ads you get when you’re listening to the free version of Spotify, specifically those advertising some new album or song? Even just those thirty seconds of ad time count as a stream.

While it’s true that ARMY hold streaming parties, it is also a fact that ARMY, unlike many other fandoms, really spend a lot of time genuinely listening to BTS’ music in general. And while some idiots on twt think streaming means sitting motionlessly while staring at a screen as the song is playing over and over again, most ARMY just have the music playing while they do something else, like household chores or reading or doing work. Is it cheating to enjoy your favorite artists music? To play it on Spotify or any other streaming platform? Is it cheating to watch an MV simply because you enjoy it? No, of course not. 

Therefore, to answer your question, no, streaming isn’t cheating. And neither are listening/streaming parties since, chances are, even without them those participating in them would be listening to BTS anyway. Thanks to those parties they get to do it with a sense of community, talk to each other, discuss whichever song is currently playing, and have fun. Nothing inorganic about that.

Pulling up another Brian, in this case Brian Cantor who is an entertainment journalist, here’s something he said that I think is very true:

And that’s the thing, when BH set up streaming parties for a week after the release of Butter, that was seen negatively, as well as ARMY doing their own, and yet when another artist’s label did it for them, it was seen as fun way to engage with fans and to make listening to the new album a collective experience, or something like that. As long as it is Bangtan, only the negatives will count. But they (critics) forget something, as in, setting up listening parties and online stores for songs is one thing, but getting people to actually tune in and spend their coin on music are a completely different one.

And this is the thing that whiny white man of the week, chose whichever one you want, don’t understand--the fact that ARMY are a big and very active fandom. That we are organized and that, in order for BTS to chart and be known, BH/Columbia doesn’t need to use any of the cheats that US labels use, like payola. They don’t have to rely on the whims of the general public, on radio DJs, or put out tens of thousands of dollars to get proper playlisting and interest in a song. BTS releases new music and ARMY is there, we tune in, we spend our hard earned money on their music, not because some smart PR tactic tricked us into it, not because playlisting, payola, and mediaplay tricked us into it, but because we genuinely enjoy their music, because we have this one of a kind connection with Bangtan, one that US labels, and whiny white man of the week, don’t understand. And don’t really care to understand either.

Because those aren’t the norm in the US. Because in the past hit songs were decided through large sums of money and deals happening behind closed doors. Yet now ARMY and BTS are here. We see the broken pieces of the system, we shine light upon them, reveal the negatives and all the ways in which the system doesn’t work and/or isn’t fair, we’re vocal about it on social media, and whiny white man of the week, as well as label executives, don’t like it. So we are made out to be the bad guys. For genuinely enjoying our favorite artists and their music. For being willing to listen to them and to spend money on them. What scandalous behavior.

We don’t do what we do because we want to game the system, but because we want things to be more fair, for BTS to get the respect they deserve, to be listened to and given the time of day. They are called the biggest band in the world right now, so why is it so hard to believe that their song is rightfully #1? That they are simply popular, not just with ARMY but also with locals (Dynamite is the background music in the new trailer for the Clifford the Big Red Dog movie, has been used at high school graduations, and many other things showing just how big of a hit it still is almost a year later, that isn’t us, that’s locals loving the song just as much as we do), and that ARMY aren’t just silly little girls (not that there is anything wrong with being a little girl that enjoys music, of course) that scream any time someone as much as mentions BTS. We are a large and extremely diverse fandom in terms of age, gender, race, and education/profession. We see the injustice and we aren’t afraid to point it out and stand up against it.

What we are doing isn’t manipulation, isn’t inorganic or fake, and it certainly isn’t making BBH100 irrelevant or broken. If anything it shows that it already was that way before we arrived. 

[poutyhannie]

word count: +4k 

warnings: fluff, angst, smut, college!fem reader, college!felix, romantic fantasy

** **

You gaze down at the materializing letters stretching across your palm till your elbow. It was a mixture of Korean and English. The Korean characters were few and far in between but were delicate and even while the English letters were long, messy, and leaned to the right.

I’ll need to turn in Prof Behl’s assignment when I go to class and then explain why I can’t go to the museum research trip.

Did I use all my meal swipes? Chris said he wanted to workout at 3…

These notes would often appear on your right arm, sometimes remaining like a tattoo for weeks or fading before you could even read it fully. These were the thoughts of a person whose soul matched your own. He was a college student who is majoring in English with focus on things like creative writing and poetry and you’ve gathered that ‘Chris’ was his roommate.

For as flowery his major was, the boy’s thoughts were surprisingly plain and boring. However, you were thankful for it. Your friend often had dark circles under her eyes. Her connection with her soul partner was being awake at the same time and you were sure her soul’s partner lived on the other side of the world with the opposite time zone. To be honest, you gleaned almost nothing from the notes. The boy probably didn’t know that his thoughts were being recorded on your arm, which you always kept covered with a sleeve. Neither did you know what connection he had with you. Did he feel the emotions you did? Were his dreams your memories? You’ve laid to waste these meaningless thoughts to focus on your life more, not his. There was little reason to go searching him out; if you truly were tied together by souls, fate could do the heavy lifting for you two.

Leaning back at your desk, you shake out your cramping hands. The graphic design project requires that you draw out the story board by hand rather than digitally and you never wished more to curse for it. The reason was, according to your Professor, head of the project you and your classmates are fighting to be a part of use physical copies in the preliminary section. Because you had started in traditional art, relatively it was easy to get back in the swing of things. Didn’t mean that your hand didn’t hurt like a bitch, though. You had everything riding you getting to participate in this project, you’d planned everything out with your counselor and had little attractive options if you didn’t get it, so you return to your drawing.

Your roommate swings open the door, causing you to jump and tug your sleeve on quickly. She throws her bag on her bed with no regards to the loud thump it emits. Her blonde hair rests on your paper when she leans over to look at your drawing. As always, she gushes at your talents and as always, you remind her that her microbiology major is much more impressive.

The night is a lot hotter than comfortable, especially with the tight sleeve you always relegate yourself to, even while sleeping. Ever since you caught your dad reading the thoughts on your arm when you slept, you sometimes go so far as to sleep on your stomach, with your right arm tucked under you. It was uncomfortable reading his thoughts, much less having someone else read them. Yeah, they weren’t always too juicy or detailed, but it still felt wrong to share something like this with anyone else.

“Even family?” You remember your dad asking to your rage. 

“Even family.” You hissed.

With a groan, you rise out of bed, your roommate looking up from her five inch thick textbook, illuminated by a soft, yellow dest lamp. Her watery eyes gaze up at you from behind her round glasses. “I’m going out. Can’t sleep.” You tell her.

The night breeze whispers through your hair as you sit on an empty bench in an empty courtyard near your dorms. It’s in time like these that you feel peace. When not a soul is around you and you can finally just sit with yourself. Slowly, you unwind the sleeve and are met with chaotic swirl of words. This happens when he dreams.

Worth, friends, others, internships, classes, empty, running, nothing, darkness.

Your heart pangs. He’s having nightmares again. Instinctively, you begin to wrap your arm up again, not wishing to invade him at his weakest point.

Though you don a mask of indifference towards the scrawl on your arm and effectively the boy around others, you can’t help but hurt for him. He seems swamped with so much to do and feels helpless. When you look down, the chilling sentence on your arm burns in your mind and heart.

I don’t think there’s anyone for me. All I see is black. Am I alone?

Two weeks later, they stay. No matter how many times you unwrap and rewrap your arm, those three sentences never leave. Others come and go, but from that night until now, they stay.  And the guilt of not pursuing this boy is eating you alive.

You always assumed he had a connection that allowed him to know of your existence. When you realize that he doesn’t, your passivity almost seems like a sin. How lonely it must be to be alone in a world where everyone has someone. Since then, you’ve been paying close attention to the scrawl on your arm, careful to gather as much info on him as you can decipher. Right now though, in class, you can’t.

Your Professor is announcing the chosen students of the project and you can’t really think about him now. 

“And the last student is Y/n.”

You heave out a sign of relief, making a note to thank you Professor. You’re sure she had a few good words to put in for you. “The students I just called will be working with other student in screenwriting. You guys need to pick five scripts you want to animate and the screenwriting students will choose their preferred artist.”

Walking into the classroom with another female peer by your side, you absentmindedly fidget with your sleeve. She walks boldly up to a male student, who’s dark blonde falls onto his freckled cheeks, sticking her hand out. “I’m Madeline,” you hear her say. His eyes snap up towards yours but he immediately looks back to Madeline as they exchange pleasantries.

Madeline is paired up with the freckled boy and you with a quiet, thoughtful boy named Seungmin. He tells you that he is friends with Felix, the freckled boy, so you combine tables and group up. Because this is a project done in your own time, you all choose to work together to bounce ideas off with each other though with how bubbly Madeline is, you wonder how much you guys will get done.

When the topic of soul partners comes up, you and Felix shift uncomfortably. Seungmin gets visions through the eyes of his partner and has seen her face, he tells you guys casually. 

How wonderful it must be to know who your soul is tied to, you think bitterly, a twinge of jealousy coursing through you.

Madeline’s green eyes shine as she starts, “I don’t know who they are, but I see colors that has to be tied to them.” She’s a romantic, giddy with excitement at the prospect. It’s so easy to live with just seeing colors; it’s pretty and inconsequential, much a contrast to the invasive cryptics on your arm.

When all your eyes turn to Felix, he purses his lips softly, only able to look down at the table. “I actually don’t know what my connection is. Maybe its unconsciousness because I can never fall asleep at nights,” he jokes, attempting to push the attention off of that topic.

A glossy nail taps Madeline’s pink lips as her dark lashes flutter, “I don’t think so. Insomnia isn’t usually paired with unconsciousness connection.”

Feigning disinterest, Felix shrugs, focusing back to the sketches, “Maybe it has something to do with my color blindness, I’m not sure. Doesn’t really matter,” he mutters, his voice deep and throaty. Madeline gasps, lightly slapping Felix’s arm. He raises an eyebrow at her. 

“Of course that has to be it!” She exclaims, “It’ll be a subcategory color connection, just like me! Maybe you’ll see colors when you see your partner or when some other unveiling instance occurs.”

She goes into depth about connections, her shoulders bouncing in excitement. Thankfully, this distracts them from asking you about your connection. As her movements and words quicken, the stale bitterness in your mouth consumes you. It’s immature, your distaste for anything about these connections. Just because you have a subjectively unfortunate connection definitely doesn’t mean you should shit on Madeline’s obvious interest in the subject. In fact, Felix and Seungmin seem to enjoy talking with her about it as she has extended knowledge about connections. 

However, while Seungmin’s tone that he asks his with questions are amused, his interest piqued, Felix is leaned forward in his chair, his eyes barely concealing desperation. Your heart pangs for him; he’s probably so lost. 

Seungmin and Madeline walk in front of you and Felix on the sidewalk, returning to the dorms. They’re in deep conversation about Seungmin’s connection and with Madeline’s knowledge and Seungmin’s intellect, they quickly and thankfully exclude you and Felix.

“I don’t wanna talk about connections,” you declare to him. A small smile spreads across Felix’s face and he nods knowingly. “What made you want to get into animation?” He asks, a pleasant and refreshing topic.

“I haven’t always been the best at art,” you admit with a shrug. “No way!” Felix exclaims, his eyebrows raised, “Your work is so cool, though.” 

You laugh at the compliment, “Yeah, well it took me a while to get here and I didn’t want to throw away that work, so here I am. What about you? Why did you want to get into script writing?” 

Felix’s eyes soften and he stares off past the line of buildings, into the horizon. “I feel like I can see different things with words. Does that make sense?” He pauses, gathering his thoughts, “They open up worlds and ideas that I can’t experience and it makes me feel closer to normal. It makes me feel alive.” 

“Like, you can imagine how colors feel or look through words?”

He nods, looking back at you with a playful look, “That’s another reason why I like your work so much. The values are clear and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything by not seeing color.” 

The genuine, heartfelt comment makes your heart warm and a smile spread across your face, “Yeah, I focus a lot on just greyscale because composition is the most important aspect to my art. Stuff like color theory, while important, it basically inconsequential if you can’t even tell what’s going on in the picture.” 

Felix’s voice quiets as he shoots a look up at Madeline’s back, “Yeah, I didn’t want to choose Madeline’s for that reason, but she really thought that the color use in my script would work in perfect tandem with her style and I really couldn’t tell whether she’s right or not,” he shrugs, his lips pulling into a line.

“Oh, totally,” you say quickly, not wishing to have Felix question his choice, “It makes total sense and in some instances color can tell more of a story than composition and values can. It was wise to team with her.” Maybe your intentions of reassuring Felix was too obvious because his eyes crinkle deeply when he gives you a big, knowing smile.

A week into your work and the very basic shapes for the animation is finished. Working with Seungmin is wonderful as he has a clear direction and even pictures he’s taken to show you what he envisions. Concentration pinches Felix’s eyebrows together and he and Madeline converse as you watch them from the other end of the table.

An hour or two pass and you stand up to stretch, announcing that you’re gonna take a bathroom break to which they agree is a wonderful idea. Coming out of the bathroom, you wrap up your sleeve, peeking to see what the ink says this time. The three words that you’re familiar with; that have been etched into your sink for weeks don’t make your heart stop, but the ones under it. 

Am I alone? She needs to add more clear composition so I can actually tell what’s going on. 

Your eyes snap up to the blond haired boy. That’s exactly what Felix told you a day ago.  Its him?

To your confusion, he now stares, awestruck at Madeline. There’s a sinking in your stomach but you can’t tell why. Gasping, his eyes widen as he takes her hands. “Madeline…I think,” he stumbles over his words, clearly flabbergasted. “I-I’m seeing color now, I think.” 

She squeals, squeezing his hands tightly, “When? Just now? What happened?” His dark eyes look dazes and he steps back. His eyes wander from the ground her hers and he whispers, “When I saw you.” Turning your back on them, you leave quickly, not wishing to intrude on Felix’s revelation. 

You resume your seat next to Seungmin, heaving a sigh. “What’s wrong?” His lips form a slight pout and his head tilts to the side. You shake your head, waving a hand, “Felix and Madeline are soul partners. He just found out.” From your peripheral, you see Seungmin smile widely.  You laugh to yourself, an embarrassed blush rising on your cheeks at your previous hasty conclusion.  You really are desperate for the person who matches your soul.  

“That’s great,” he taps your arm with his hand, hidden by his sweater’s sleeve, “Why do you look so bummed, though?” 

You purse your lips, “It just sucks to be a late bloomer. I don’t know who my partner is,” you tell him as the bitterness fills your mouth again. Seungmin nods firmly, his fingers tapping your arm again, “At least you know that you have one, though. Felix didn’t even know whether he was alone or not.” 

“Yeah,” you shrug, trying to ignore the gnawing guilt of your selfishness, “it just sucks.” 

“Of course but just give it time,” Seungmin advises, patting your shoulder softly.

You and Seungmin gaze blankly at Felix and Madeline as they both gush over each other. You can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy in your chest when Felix gingerly strokes her cheek.

Clapping, Seungmin returns to the story board, pointing at a slide, “I like the idea with this one, but if you’ll look here,” he pulls out a picture he took of a deep, dark green forest that just seems to dissolve into black, “I want the composition to be more dangerous. Like, the characters are being drawn into darkness and they won’t have any way to escape.” Nodding quickly, you add rough shading and lines to your preexisting work to cater to Seungmin’s request.

“Perfect,” he beams his toothy smile at you.

By the time the project is all but done, Felix and Madeline are attached at the hip or the hand or the face. You try not to watch them, jealousy foaming in your throat. Felix’s eyelashes flutter against his freckles and his lips are glossy as Madeline gently strokes his cheek, smiling softly. Such a romantic—it would make sense that her seeing colors would be paired with his past complete colorblindness. He gushes over her work and her use of color, his voice giddy with excitement at finally seeing color, finally being normal.

While your initial bitterness at their fortune has washed away into passivity, you can’t bring yourself to look at your arm like you used to. In a way, you’re foolishly upset at you partner for not giving you anymore clues that would lead you to him. It’s foolish because he doesn’t know you can read what’s on his mind.

You pick up your artist’s hand brace from your dorm bed and begin unwrapping your arm to put it on, barely sparing the black scrawl a glance.

Its not all black anymore. I can see it. I can see her.

Dread clenches your gut as your eyes travel down to the next single word.

Madeline.

There’s a buzzing white in your head as you fumble to get your shoes on, tripping out into the hallway, breaking into a sprint towards Madeline’s dorm, on the other side of the campus. Whirling confusing overcomes your mimd and you feel like you’re suffocating, the only goal is to find an answer. You don’t know when hints of this conclusion plagued your mind. Maybe it was that day, months ago at the bathroom. Maybe it was a deeper jealousy at seeing Felix kissing Madeline. It didn’t matter anymore, you frantically knocked at her door, out of breath and gasping.

Her green eyes are wide and her pink lips are swollen, she’s almost as out of breath as you are. She makes no move to hide Felix, who’s pulling on a shirt behind her shoulder. Nervousness pangs in your throat but you shove past her and shed your arm to Felix.

“Wh-what’s this, Y/n?” He asks, eyes bouncing off your arm to your face, uncomfortable with looking at something you’ve explained to him is so precious and private to you.

“Read it,” you beg, eyes flicking from his face to Madeline’s. She furrows her shapely eyebrows, gingerly taking your cold arm into her soft hands. At Madeline’s brazenness, Felix finds it in himself to look down at your arm.

Her grip is firm but you could rip away from it at any moment.

Madeline’s eyes are wild and horror fills them as she looks up at Felix. You try desperately to explain, “I-I don’t know what this means either, but that day that you first saw color, Felix, there were your exact words to me about your project on my arm.” 

He laughs to deflect how uncomfortable he feels, it comes out too harsh and grates against your neck, raising heat into your face. “Y/n I know you really wanna find your partner, but this is crazy. Don’t try to suggest stuff like this. Madeline and I are partners, everything has been perfect since that day for us.” 

He looks over to Madeline for reassurance, but she doesn’t meet his eyes. A soft, vulnerable look plagues her eyes as she looks up at you. Felix stutters, confused why she wouldn’t immediately agree with him. “Lix,” she inhales deeply, “for my connection, you know how I see colors? Those are actually s-supposed to go away when I meet my partner.” You realize the vulnerable look in her eyes was actually guilt.

“What?” His voice is a breath, like he’s been struck in the chest and is left gasping for air. “I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to meet them because I don’t want to loose my color—it’d be like dying for me and I’m really happy with you. Aren’t you happy with me too?” Felix’s lips hang open and his face is frowning in confusion, “So you’ve been using me when you knew I wasn’t yours?” Madeline’s eyes fill with guilty tears and she nods. As much as you can understand why she did what she did, anger and bitterness towards her, towards loosing so much time with Felix consumes you.

“Then you never deserved him,” you hiss, possessively retracting your arm into your body, hiding the words against your bosom.

You and Felix sit wordless on a bench in a park in a part of town you were unfamiliar with. 

“So it was you this entire time?” 

“I’m so sorry, Felix,” your voice cracks and you bite your lip to prevent it from trembling, “I really didn’t know for sure and I doubted what I knew because you just seemed so happy with her.” 

He scoffs loudly, running a hand through his silver hair, “Yeah and look what that amounted to.” 

Quietly, you respond, “It amounted to us realizing. That means something.” 

Felix exhales slowly, turning to face you, his eyes tired and sad, “Yeah, at least we realized now—” he stops abruptly, pausing to collect himself, “God, I was so stupid, just because I started seeing color one random day because she was in front of me?” He scoffs again, slouching into the bench. 

“It made sense though, you were both eager to get your partners and—” 

“But to leave you alone?” His voice is raw and soft, “I left you alone when you were right there.” Slowly, as if he were a hologram or mirage you couldn’t quite reach, you extend your hand to rest your hand on his warm cheek, almost shocked that he’s there. Unintentionally, he leans into your hand, closing his eyes gently. “We can begin now. Rather a late start than never. We have the rest of our lives to get it right.”

Felix buries his face into the crook of your shoulder, pressing firm, confident kisses and hot, stinging hickies into your neck. You run your hands up the bare expanse of his back and up to his hair. Flush spreads across your cheeks as he lifts himself up to gaze down at your bare chest but you don’t cover yourself up. You have nothing to hide. “Have you ever done this before?” You whisper to him. He shakes his head softly, leaning down to trail kisses from the base of your neck through the valley between your breasts. Lower, his kisses get wetter as he gets closer to your aching hotness. As if you’re made of paper, Felix gingerly spreads your legs. The cold air hitting your core causes you to flinch, but Felix’s warm palm presses slowly against you, calming the sensation into pleasure.

“May I?” 

You whine out a ‘yes’, groaning when his sinks a finger into your core. It sucks his finger in and Felix barely contains a moan at the sensation, imagining how you’d feel around him. Slowly, he begins to pump his single finger into you before adding another and scissoring deep. Curling his fingers, he brushes your sweet spot, causing you to gasp and arch your back. 

Smiling to himself, he continues to work at that spot until you’re gasping and moaning incessantly. He pulls out and you whine immediately but he positions himself above you, gazing down at you with adoration even while his impossibly hard dick pokes against you. “Hurry, Lixie, please do it,” you whine and he hushes you with a kiss, slowly sliding in and caressing his tongue against yours when you gasp. Your face is scrunched up at the unfamiliar stretch but Felix can’t help but smile down at you, endeared. His eyes are dark at the sensation of him dragging against your walls. When you begin to relax around him, you start whining again and he giggles, slowly beginning to thrust up into you. There’s nothing desperate or wanton about his movements against you. He’s being gentle, letting you feel him as his drags along your walls though it takes all his self control to not increase the pace. It’s deep and rhythmic, his hips against yours. He fills you up and groans as you seem to suck him up, your juices mixing with his precum.

“Baby, you’re so warm and so—mhg—tight,” he gasps against you, “Can I go faster?” 

“Yeah,” you’re breathless and rake your fingers across his back when he starts to do just that. He positions his hip in a way that has himself dragging across your sweet spot and you screaming with every thrust. He reaches down to rub your clit, stars and lights sparking across your vision as a burning coil begins wind in your gut. The groans and moans he lets out when you unintentionally clench around him paired with the way his movements quicken as he becomes desperate push you closer. “Y/n, I’m g-gonna cum,” he whispers, his eyelashes fluttering against your skin. “Me too, Lixie,” you gasp, running your hands over his body. 

“I love you.” Your high crashes over you, white pleasure electrifying you through your body as you feel Felix shoot into you. The burning pleasure overcomes your senses as he collapses next to you, his hair sticking to his forehead as he pants into your neck, smiling deeply in pure bliss. Euphoric, you tug him closer, pressing a kiss to the freckle on the tip of his nose, onto both his cheeks, and finally onto his warm, glossy lips.

“I love you too, Lixie.” He is yours and you are his. That’s how it was predestined and you both have fulfilled destiny.

[elenichr]

The Better (of The Good, the Better and the Best, of the Rest of 2021) AKA You Should Probably Read This

The Dig by Cynan Jones

Granta

2014

4*

Earthy, true, eerie, gutting. Very good writing. Otherworldly but familiar.

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The Sellout by Paul Beatty

Oneworld Publications

2016

4.3*

This is so enjoyable. It’s smart and funny and crazy and a scream and accurate. The kind of writing that makes you stop to admire the writer’s genius.

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The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead

Fleet

2016

4*

Very well written - deserves the praise it’s accumulated.

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The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

Picador

1990

4.3*

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A Countervailing Theory by Toyin Ojih Odutola

Barbican

2020

4.5*

A minor disappointment with this - I expected it to be the exhibition, or the experience of it, in book form. It’s more of a companion; and a very good one. The printing was a bit strange. Different font sizes, the binding - a bit off.  

The exhibition was one of the best I’ve ever seen - attend it if possible. And Ojih Odutola is one of the best contemporary artists we have; definitely check out the work.

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Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson

Vintage Books London

2001

4*

‘Once a thing was created, it was valid for all time. Its value went not up nor down.

…to create was a fundament, to appreciate, a supplement. Once created, the creature was separate from the creator, and needed no seconding to fully exist.’

p. 45

‘I have a feeling that every time you make an important choice, the part of you left behind continues the other life you could have had. Some people’s emanations are very strong, some people create themselves fresh outside of their own body. This is not fancy. If a potter has an idea, she makes it into a pot, and it exists beyond her, in its own separate life. She uses a physical substance to display her thoughts. If I use a metaphysical substance to display my thoughts, I might be anywhere at one time, influencing a number of different things, just as the potter and her pottery can exert influence in different places. There’s a chance that I’m not here at all, that all the parts of me, running along all the choices I did and didn’t make, for a moment brush against each other. That I am still an evangelist in the North, as well as the person who ran away. Perhaps for a while these two selves have become confused. I have not gone forward or back in time, but across in time, to something I might have been, playing itself out.’

p. 164

‘It was getting dark as I came down the hill, swirls of snow sticking to my face. I thought about the dog and was suddenly very sad; sad for her death, sad for my death, for all the inevitable dying that comes with change. There’s no choice that doesn’t mean a loss. But the dog was buried in the clean earth, and the things I had buried were exhuming themselves; clammy fears and dangerous thoughts and the shadows I had put away for a more convenient time. I could not put them away forever, there is always a day of reckoning. But not all dark places need light, I have to remember that.

p. 167

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Love Poems by Carol Ann Duffy

Picador

2016

3.5*

I found out one thing. The World’s Wife must be awesome and I’ll be reading that. The poems I liked were adaptations of stories or myths. I thought Duffy can really work those into something new and meaningful. I also liked the sensuality in some of the other poems.

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My Absolute Darling by Gabriel Tallent

4th Estate

2017

(Proof Copy)

3.9*

All the trigger warnings.

I mostly enjoyed reading this. I wanted to spend time in the story. It is very well written. I didn’t find it mind-blowing or a masterpiece but it was somehow warm and dear.

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Euphoria by Lily King

Picador

2014

3.7*

Beware of returning to a writer whose work you’ve loved before. Writers & Lovers was one of my favourite reads of the year. My yearning for it took me by surprise; I would catch myself enjoying it so much, I could process my enjoyment outside myself.

Euphoria is a good book. I thankfully didn’t come to it expecting Writers & Lovers, but I think I expected more nonetheless. Because of the setting and time King has chosen, it is hard to enjoy this without reservation. She is aware she’s writing white characters ‘discovering’ South Pacific tribes; the characters are even aware of that. Bankson I think is written better in that regard, perhaps because he has this moment of realisation that he’s stuck within ideas that feel antiquated, while Fen is hard-headed, stubborn, ignorant, self-serving. Nell is very passionate about what she’s doing, discovery, connection; she is also naive. I guess there’s accuracy in their depiction, they may even be more open to their faults than white anthropologists would have been at that time. There is irony, a commentary you can feel from King, a criticism, an awareness running throughout. I still feel it could have been done better. It comes out as ignorant despite, or because of, the effort put in to avoid exactly that.

I did have a connection to it, mostly to the people, their enthusiasm, the looking forward to the euphoria. Would love feedback on whether I should try more King out.

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Paper Towns by John Green

Bloomsbury

2013

4*

I think I just like John Green’s writing. If you’re a fan of young adult fiction, especially teenagers who are not written in an infantilising way, but who are as complex, if not more than adults.

I have to admit I almost gave up on this when Ben wouldn’t stop saying honeybunny in the first few pages. But I stuck with it and it was worth the ride. I like that Margo, the object of affection and obsession, is not physically present for most of the book. I love the exploration of love through the lover’s eyes, the idealisation that goes on, especially in teenage, and often unrequited, romance; the end-of-the-world loving of someone who is almost certainly not the person you think they are. The result of being able to, or not being able to, love that person once you start seeing past your idea of them.

Spoiler alert: how engaging is it looking for Margo, desperately believing she is dead for so long, seeing no other way out of it? How refreshing is it that she doesn’t want to be found in the end? Proving that the idea of Margo is not true. How wonderful to see a teenage romance through to an end not marred by death, and not resolved in a happily-ever-after coupling.

Would also recommend The Fault in Our Stars (a little death) and Turtles All the Way Down which I don’t really remember anymore but can recall enjoying.

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Shiner by Maggie Nelson

ZED

2018

3.2*

I read The Argonauts which I LOVED so I thought I would try Nelson’s poetry. I found this a bit too abstract with some beautiful imagery and phrases, and a few poems I really liked. I still feel like there’s more there. Might look at Bluets.

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Black Futures edited by Kimberly Drew + Jenna Wortham

One World New York

2020

5*

An unimaginable feat, a wonder of a book and an archive. Everyone should own this/have access to it.

[purplesurveys]

1321

survey by nadine07

What Happened In the Past Year?

How many relationships were you in? Nada.

What did you do for Valentine's Day? If I remember it correctly I took myself to dinner at one of my favorite ramen places. Either that or a French restaurant I also like; I’m not sure anymore. I know I had fun in both instances though, which is really all I aimed for given how it was my first Valentine’s Day alone in a while.

Did you receive your driver's license? I already had it this year.

Did you graduate high school? No, I’ve been out of high school since 2016.

Did you graduate college? Nope, I graduated the year before.

Did you move out on your own? No. I’m nowhere near capable of doing that yet.

Did you get arrested? I didn’t. Not like there would have been a lot of opportunities for me to have gotten arrested lol; I stayed home for most of the year.

Did you get a speeding ticket? No, those aren’t very common here at all. I don’t think anyone can actually get stopped for speeding; like we have signs indicating speed limits and all, but it’s never been a thing to get stopped and given a ticket for.

What was the best thing you got for Christmas? Last year I really appreciated Andi’s gift, which had been a physical copy of Hayley Williams’ Petals for Armor, a CM Punk shirt, and the sweetest handwritten letter. This year all I want is MONEY because my greatest fear was confirmed just this afternoon with BTS announcing a concert in Seoul next year lmao.

Did you fall in love? Nah. Not the time for me right now, tbh.

Did you become an aunt or an uncle? No. I still have to do a bit of waiting for that haha.

Did you have a baby? Most definitely not.

Did you get engaged? Nope.

Did you get married? I did not. I’m making this survey so boring hahahhaha sorry

Did someone close to you die? Yes, I lost several relatives to COVID, and some to other causes.

How many funerals did you go to? None. My grand-aunt and uncle who I had been close to had private funerals, I think; my aunt (their daughter) wanted to keep it lowkey. My other relatives who passed away were already based in the US.

How many weddings? None.

Did you turn 18? Nope.

Did you turn 21? Wrong.

Did you turn 30? Engk; but if you’re still curious, I turned 23.

Did you have a car accident? Thankfully no. I thought I’d be super clumsy after not driving for so long, but I adjusted to the road fairly quickly.

Were you old enough to vote this year? I’ve been eligible to vote in the last five years.

How many jobs did you have throughout the year? Just the one.

Did you get a new pet? Not in the last year but we did get Cooper during the pandemic. He’s a big, fat 30-pound ball of mischief now.

Did you get cheated on? No.

Did you cheat on someone? No.

Did you start at a new school? I did not enroll in school this year but close enough! I took up Korean classes.

Did you make any new friends? Yes. I got a lot closer with Reena thanks to BTS; and it was this year I also started to feel more comfortable in my workplace so I was able to make new friends in my co-workers :)

Did you get a new car? Nope, still using the one I was given for college.

Did you drastically change your hairstyle? I wouldn’t say that. I trimmed my hair from my waist up to my collarbones this year, but I don’t think it had been all that daring.

Did you go out of the country? No, that wasn’t allowed for the most part anyway.

Did you keep your last New Year's resolution? I don’t make those.

What was the best movie you saw in theaters? Didn’t watch a lot of movies this year either. I did start a series called Hometown Cha Cha Cha, which I enjoyed.

What was the best book you read? I didn’t read this year hahah LOL WHAT DID I DO THIS YEAR

What was your greatest accomplishment? Found my way to being happy again.

What was the best CD released this year? Gotta be Flowers For Vases for me.

Did you get a new tattoo? Nope.

A new piercing? I didn’t but Kata keeps telling me to get one. I can’t be moved though hahah, I can’t stand getting any part of my body pricked.

Are you still dating the same person you dated at the start of the year? No, I wasn’t with anybody this year.

The Lasts of the Past

How old were you on your last birthday? I don’t quite understand this question...if you mean how old I was, I was 22; but I turned 23 on my most recent birthday.

Who was your last kiss? My ex, who I don’t feel like naming anymore.

Who was the last person to tell you "I love you"? I think it had been my mom.

Who was the last person you spoke to in person? Nina. I was ranting to her lol.

Who was your last missed call? Someone from the media. I didn’t technically miss it since I was aware when my phone rang, but I let it ring through because I filed a leave today and wasn’t about to disrupt that.

Who was your last phone call to? I got into a call with a Facebook community to inquire their rates for a potential partnership.

What was the last movie you watched? It was a docu-series more than anything but I watched The Raincoat Killer a few weeks ago after stumbling on a review article on it.

The last song you heard? Silver Spoon by BTS.

The last book you read? I’m not sure or even remember anymore.

The last place you went? I went to Bea’s house today so we could watch the online BTS concert together. Ysa was also there to watch with us.

The last time you cut your hair? Start of August.

The color of the last shirt your wore? Continued from last night. The last thing I wore before my current top was a jumpsuit, which was white.

The last person you hugged? I hugged Angela and Hans before we parted ways last Tuesday.

The last thing you bought? Iced coffee and pesto pasta for Bea since I came over to her place (and her room, for the first time).

The last time you went to the doctor? I’m terrible at going to the doctor haha. I want to say...May 2020, back when I got sick.

The last time you went swimming? Start of November when I went to the beach with my co-workers.

The last game you played? Rhythm Hive on my phone, hahahaha.

The last person's house you went to? Like I said, I was at Bea’s yesterday.

The last un-related guy you hung out with? Hans.

The last un-related girl you hung out with? Bea and Ysa.

The last family member you hung out with? I don’t really ~hang out with relatives, in the sense that we go out and do stuff together. If anything, my cousin came over a few weeks ago and we just caught up with one another while lounging in the living room.

The last movie you saw in theaters? Knives Out. They’ve actually recently opened cinemas again, but my friends and I are opting to wait it out a little more because there are still so many rules that would make the cinema experience so boring lol like we can’t even sit next to each other? and bring food? It’s not that we disagree with the protocols since they make perfect sense; but it also just sounds like a waste of a trip to the cinema if we have to experience the movie separately anyway.

The last time you went to Walmart? I have never been inside a Walmart.

The last time you went to Burger King? I have no clue. I never go to Burger King on my own; whenever I have a meal of theirs it’s almost always because my mom gets it for me.

The last time you went on vacation? Start of November when we went to Zambales.

The last restaurant you went to? Yabu.

The last thing you ate? Fried chicken and gimbap, at Bea’s place. I haven’t actually eaten anything since getting back home last night...lmao.

The last thing you drank? Coffee.

The Firsts of the New Year

Who was the first person you kissed? I didn’t kiss anyone this year.

Who was the first person you told "I love you" to? I’m not sure. It had to be one of my best friends.

Who was the first person you spoke to? Maybe my parents or siblings? Idk. We were home when we opened the new year.

Who was your first phone call to/from? I’m not sure. I tried scrolling down my log just to check if my phone was able to keep it but the oldest call it has on record right now was from April 2021 haha.

Where was the first place you went? Back to my bedroom, I’m guessing. I was heartbroken and not exactly in the most festive mood so I’m most likely right anyway haha.

What was the first thing you bought? Andi’s gift, I think. I did the shopping for them a little late since we weren’t able to see each other during the holidays.

Who was the first person to wish you "Happy New Year!"? Apart from family, I think it was my groupchat with my college friends.

What was the first thing you ate? I want to say it was something my mom prepared for media noche, so probably  macaroni salad or like lasagna. 

The first thing you drank? Water, most likely.

What color was the first shirt you wore? I don’t know.

What were the first shoes you wore? One of my sneakers. Feeling so silly now answering this survey hahah, how am I supposed to remember the exact things I had been doing or using on the first day of the year?

What was the first electronic (not computer or cell) device you used? The ref, probably.

What was the first movie you watched? I didn’t watch any movie until like, July, in which case it was Be With You.

What was the first song you heard? My best best would be something by Hayley Williams.

Who was the first girl you hung out with? Maybe Angela.

Who was the first guy? Maybe Hans.

The first relative? Nina.

What was the first thing you did when it became the new year? I was playing with a wireless mic I randomly found at home.

What the Future Year Has In Store

What are you most looking forward to in the New Year? More growth at work; maybe even a raise. Maybe see BTS? :))))

Are you getting married this year? Nope.

Are you expecting a child? I am not.

Will you be getting a new job? I don’t think so. I want to achieve something at my current one first before looking at other options.

Will you be starting a new school? No plans.

Will you be moving to a new place? Probably not within the next year, no.

Will you get your driver's license this year? I’ve had it for the last 5, nearly 6 years.

Will you turn 18? Wrong.

Will you turn 21? Wrong.

Will you turn 25? Close! I’ll be turning 24.

Will you turn 30? No, I have a bit of time to go.

Will you turn 40? Nopes.

Are you going on a vacation this year? Nothing planned out yet but who knows? I might find myself in Seoul by March.

What movie are you most looking forward to coming out this year? I’m not aware yet of any movies set to come out next year.

What book? None.

What music albumn? BTS’ comeback album, whenever and whatever that will be.

Do you expect to find love this year? No.

Did you make a New Year's resolution? I don’t make those.

Have you kept it so far? -

Will you be going to a wedding this year? We never know, a friend of mind might get married.

Will you get a new car? Not in my priorities.

Will you buy a house this year? Most definitely not.

Do you expect to be with the same person at the end of the year? I’m not with anybody so there’s nothing to compare.

Are you starting the year off single? Yes.

What do you most want to happen this year? Can I aim high? I’d love to see BTS.

What are you most excited about this year? Like I said at the start of this section, just more growth and happiness in general.

[currentfandomkick]

Marinette did not sign up for this part 10: Mari plots plotting

So long time no post. I live. Ish. Also finally figured out readmore on mobile, so yay. Will take forever to edit posts now though. Explanation at the bottom First part here previous part here. Ao3 here

Marinette wanted to go on record that Mandeliev did not, in fact, give her an extra day or so to study for the test. Why? Instead, she was told she may do a paper on the application of physics in gymnastics and principles of evasion in urban areas and how to combine the two to maximize one’s ability to run away from akumas and other dangers.

Or as Nino put it: “I am tormenting you into running better, the eight page essay.”

Alya dubbed it the “Run Better Paper.”

Aurore said it should include more formulas when Marinette showed her the draft. (as Adrien would complain about lack of theories and how she should have used this advanced formula she’d never heard of instead and then Marinette would have to forcibly stop him from taking over her paper. Again.)

Kim had taken to keeping her in his hoodie, escorting her to the bakery and didn’t leave her alone until Adrien said it was his “Marinette Anxiety Watch” shift.

Which she would like to go on record, is just plain mean to say. She has Liar 100% under control when world ending things and metaphorical bomb drops aren’t happening to her constantly.

—-

Bruce tried to contact Diana and Arthur again. Hal was off world, and therefore useless.

Why?

As his missing son hadn’t contacted them yet. Was still in the Miraculous team’s custody. And he saw the footage of Robin—Damian—being hunted by a lving shadow, an element casting swordswoman, and a strategist that seemed to know exactly what to do to keep Robin cornered in battle. The living shadows—Chat Noir—tried to kill his son with Cataclysm.

That was when they were in public, and had Hal watching over them.

He didn’t want to think about what the kids might do unsupervised to someone that tried to kill Ladybug, openly stalked her civilian self, and apparently tried stalk her again, in broad daylight. And possibly may have revealed her secret identity…

From the comments, it seemed that the Parisians hadn’t connected his sons aliases to the pair, writing it off as “Copy-cat Vigilantes” thankfully. And none of them were revealing more than “so the Fashion Disaster tried to go after Chat and Ryuko’s civvie… Not A Smart CopyBird” was the most he was able to get.

His children, on the other hand…

——

“I Fucking KNEW IT!” Tim yelled. “I knew it was her!”

“But,” Jason smirked. “You didn’t tell us.”

“Soup girl, baby bat!” Cass said gleefully.

“Wait, we both talked to her—and you didn’t say you thought it was her either Cass!”

“So what I’m hearing, if my ears don’t deceive me,” Jason continued. “Is that you all lost too.”

“What—“

“Wait a minute!”

“No way—”

Cass shrugged. She was the least invested in winning. She got to meet soup girl, who is very nice and her parents are safe for Baby Bat.

“We don’t have proof,” Dick pointed out. “Didn’t you say something about her being a mouse?”

“I—”

“Well—”

“Yes.” Cass cut through Tim and Stephanie’s waffling. “She is.”

Dick rubbed his forehead. “How many secrets can one kid have?”

“Five?” Jason said without much thought. “Limit is definitely five.”

—-

“Let me get this straight,” Miss Sting began, watching Ladybug very, very carefully. Rena and Carapace were busy that night and couldn’t act as the team’s Common Sense Filter in person. and texts only went so far.

So the job fell to Aurore. To talk (probably Marinette) Ladybug out of a Very, Stupendously, Inconceivably Bad Idea.

“You want to trust Robin—the kid who tried to kill you—to contact his mother—an assassin—to talk strategy about how to take down Hawkmoth’s civilian life’s business, not kill him, and trust that they won’t kill you?”

“…I’m bringing Chat with me.”

“Ladybug.”

“What, do you want me to use a Lucky Charm to prove this is our best bet?”

“You know what?” Miss Sting threw her hands up. “Yes, yes I do.”

“Fine.” Ladybug threw her yoyo skyward. “Lucky Charm!”

A red, spotted ball with an 8 on it came down.

“… you have got to be kidding me.”

Ladybug shrugged. “Uh, Magic Eightball, is it okay to trust Robin with this?”

One shake later and the floating die window read “Without a Doubt.”

“Give me that.” Miss Sting scowled, shaking as she asked. “Should she bring someone besides Chat and Robin—like someone from our team or Wonder Woman or Aquaman?”

The ball answered “Outlook not so good.”

Miss Sting glared at the magic eight ball. “I can’t believe this!”

Ladybug shrugged. “Lucky Charms are Lucky Charms—and I gotta go.”

Miss Sting checked her beeping spinning top. Someone was just akumatized.

“Re-charge first!” Miss Sting yelled before swinging ahead.

—-

“Oh, hey, when’s Demon Spawn going to contact us?” Jason asked as other bats calmed down.

“He’s not answering his communicator.” Bruce growled. “Hal took it earlier.”

The bats paused at that.

“Well then. Trackers?”

“Disabled—what? We didn’t need anyone crashing the apology and he ran off before I could stop him,” Dick defended. He is not Damian’s keeper. Just his Batman (as yes Bruce, he is Damian’s Batman and Damian is his Robin. Current masks not-withstanding).

“Then how are we supposed to find him?” Stephanie asked as the room grew uneasy.

No one answered that.

“How’s this,” Tim began. “Me, Steph and Cass agreed on who Hawkmoth probably is, each of us has a different set of evidence for it—and I’m counting breaking into his evil Liar and the cameras catching him mid-act a few minutes ago as absolute proof.”

“I’m sorry, you did what!” Stephanie leaned over Tim’s shoulder to see. “Oh shit. Isn’t that guy—”

“One of her friends? According to their private Instagram accounts, more like partner in crime and possible Chat Noir. I mean, he’s the one that calls her his “everyday Ladybug” and voices Chat Noir in everything." Tim answered idly. “My money’s on him not knowing at all.”

Bruce twitched. Then began to add ‘stalking social media feeds’ to his to-do list tonight.

“So,” Tim stepped forward. “I suggest we send this to the Wonder Woman and ask for Robin’s comm to be returned, and failing that, I bugged the video so anything they play it on, we get access to its IP and can find where they are.”

“Have Oracle go over the bug, just in case,” Bruce told them. “In the mean time, the rest of you suit up for the night. Gotham needs its vigilantes.”

—-

Marinette wanted to go on the record that her plan (to keep the bats away) was going well. Deciding what to do with Mu—R—Damian. Damian. Damian and his offer, was a challenge.

For obvious reasons, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman and Aquaman were against her asking a bunch of assassins for their help. Chat has more than a few reservations. Carapace, Rena and Miss Sting gave her looks for that plan.

But.

But it would work. She needs more information on how to make the plan burning in the back of her mind work. It’s a lot of chaos (and she may thrive in chaotic battles but this wasn’t her usual battlefield, and her team didn’t know who they were going up against for once). And Marinette? She needs to know its not just her doing this when its so out of her depths.

So despite literally everyone and their disagreements she had Chat on her right side with Damian on her left, meeting up with his Crazy, Semi-Immortal mother. And possibly his Immortal, former Black Cat candidate, grandfather.

Why?

As Marinette isn’t trusting the likely cult that makes up the Gotham Ghost Gang (Batfam if you like them) when she can get real advice and vague directions to immortal and allied (loyal and terrifying) assassins.

And yes, she wasn’t sure if Liar was wrong or right when they said it was a bad idea too.

But fuckit she’s already got Kaalki at her shoulder, looking a bit bored at the deserted rooftop that Kaalki chose for their meeting.

“داميان*,” the woman smiled at her son. “It’s good to see you.”

“Mother,” Robin greeted. “This is Ladybug and Chat Noir. Ladybug wished to speak to you about potential strategies to take down an enemy outside of battle without violence,” Damian stressed.

“I am well-aware of the Kwami and their Chosen, اِبْن.**” The woman spoke calmly. “The League of Assassins formed to act as the Black Cat to restore the world to balance and un-burden the Order with its maintenance.” The woman offer Ladybug her hand. “I am Talia al Ghul, and I am at your service, with or without violence Ladybug.”

Marinette took her hand. “Thank you Talia. Our target being directly exposed like I planned would have…” Ladybug trailed off, thinking over the ramifications not only to Adrien, but to the whole of Gabriel’s brand, workers and all that worked with them. “Some intense ramifications I’d rather avoid.”

Talia nodded her head, waiting for more information.

“I believe its possible to topple them without affecting their employees by uncoupling them from their business, but doing so is, well, stocks and economics isn’t my strongest point.” Ladybug admitted a bit sheepishly.

“I would suggest,” Talia began, “to create a bit of chaos in the stock market. Perhaps a rumor here and there, let investors pull out and grab the abandoned stocks quickly. Consolidate them under one owner and become the company’s owner.”

Marinette twitched a bit at that. “That… sounds complicated.”

“Oh, but it isn’t. My son knows just how to that, or did you forget our lessons?” Talia asked coolly.

Damian twitched at Marinette’s side. “I did not.”

“You know,” Chat chimed in. “I do know a few things about those things. If its general chaos, well…” Chat’s face twisted in a way Marinette forgot he could do after that Chat Blanc episode.

“… I will take that into consideration.”

“Anything else?” Talia asked, watching Ladybug and her son. Specifically, how her son seemed glued to the girl’s side. “I am certain my son is able to take out your target, if all else fails.”

Damian scowled at Marinette’s side.

“However, I do believe that whatever is happening, whatever has you active, might require a more… experience hand.”

Damian brushed against her side. Code for ‘Possible Danger.’

“Thank you for the offer,” Chat moved in front of Marinette. “But mi’lady and the Guardians have that much handled.”

Talia’s eyes shifted from Chat to Ladybug, staying on her. “Is that so?”

“Yes. I merely needed more information on how to execute this type of plan, that’s all!” Ladybug almost, almost slipped into Marinette while Liar, while silenced for the moment, prodded the back of her mind. “I want to minimize collateral damage as much as I can, to everyone. The kwami already said they get to chose the target’s punishment.”

“Ah, I see.” Talia relaxed then. “You are following the kwami’s wishes. I will respect their wishes as well, Chosen.”

Marinette categorized this interaction as one of the “not too horrible, but will avoid a repeat” once they left.

—

*Damian in arabic

**son

so we have Talia now as a Player, sort of. she plays by her word pretty well so hopefully its a cameo more than anything else.

any ideas on how JL will handle the video, and if Miraculous Team should see it and freak out or only LB and keep on the dl while JL assissts in her Chaos Plot?

End of update. Will have to repost from ao3 on my phone now as desktop tumblr is being exceptionally rude. Tags always open, just takes me a bit to do—sorry to vixen for vanishing from tags

TAGS:  @heldtogetherbysafetypins @laurcad123 @raisuke06 @chaosace @jeminiikrystal @toodaloo-kangaroo @kris-pines04 @bisha43rbs @izang @dreamykitty25 @emu-lumberjack @vixen-uchiha

[mortedeveles]

Bookworm.

SUMMARY: You’re lucky enough to meet your favorite Pro Hero Red Riot at your local libraries a few times and you slowly begin to pin after him but you’re not a fool- he’s a Pro Hero and you’re a simpleton civilian, nothing could ever happen- which is why you decide to go on a blind date. You’re stuck in a loud and noisy club, and Kirishima’s the last person you expect to see there, sliding into the stool that was once your date’s. 

PAIRING: ProHero!Kirishima Eijirou x fem!reader

THEME/GENRE: romance, pining? [ONE-SHOT]

TW: mentions of drugs, cursing and attempted physical and sexual assault.

Copyright © 2020-2021 by Veles.

A/N: I wrote this oneshot with this prompt! 

- “Hey,” A says, sliding over on the bar stools to get B’s attention. “Don’t drink that. I think your date’s trying to drug you.”

this is my first Kiri fanfic! lmk what you think! if you enjoyed, please leave a like, reblog, follow and/or comment! i really appreciate the support! fb is always welcomed ^^ 

as for my mha anonnie, i’ll start working on your request! afterwards i’ll be focusing on finishing the bonuses of model for me, then resume with ‘a letter to my love’! i also have a secret project coming up <33 

‘’In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.’’

You bite your lip in excitement as you flip through the pages of the book, feeling your heart soar at Mr. Darcy's words. However, your peaceful moment was quickly interrupted by a loud voice. You sigh in annoyance and strain your ears in a pitiful attempt to block out the bothersome voice, but it only gets louder.

 ''Where is it? Darn it...'' Slowly, you raise your gaze from the book. You spot a guy in the aisle in front of you, that you managed to see through the empty spots of the bookshelf and once you recognize the guy- you freeze.

It's Red Riot. One of the top Pro Heroes and your favorite Hero. He's the manliest hero in history! You make sure to inhale and exhale shakily before you pass out from shock. 

You pinch your arm to make sure you aren’t dreaming. Red Riot, a top Pro Hero, fussing in the same library as you?! A small sting of pain confirms your suspicions- it’s reality. 

If it wasn't for his red spiky hair and teeth, you wouldn't have recognized him. Slowly, you take a deep breath and walk into the aisle he's currently standing in. A smile breaks on your lips when you see him searching through several books, fussing and muttering under his breath. 

''H-Hey,'' your voice is low and you stutter more than you'd like, but it's loud enough for him to hear. He immediately raises his head and smiles brightly at you.

''Hi there!'' the toothy grin on his face makes your cheeks warm up.

''I, it looks like you're struggling with something. I don't work here but,'' your eyes dart to his outfit. He's wearing a black hoodie of Ground Zero and a pair of black sweatpants with red sneakers. It's simple but looks irresistibly good on him. You quickly avert your gaze.

 ''I thought you could use some help. Is there anything you're looking for?'' your grip on the book tightens. 

His face brightens- more than possible, you believe- and he nods.

''Thanks! Yeah, I'm looking for a book called Pride and Prejudice?'' your eyes widen. 

''Oh,'' you say. It's the book that you're holding. 

Kirishima seems like an eager reader- who are you to deny him the book? You've read it twice, it won't harm you to share it for once.

''Here you go,'' you raise the book with a smile. 

Kirishima raises an eyebrow. He doesn't accept the book and you cough awkwardly. You hadn't even mentioned which book it was.

''Oh! I'm sorry for not explaining earlier,'' you feel like an idiot as your face warms up. ''I had the last copy of Pride and Prejudice.'' The Pro Hero's face immediately lights up and he takes the copy in his hand. His finger brush against yours and the touch makes you slightly shiver. Not in disgust nor pleasure but...something else. Though short-lived, it’s a pleasant feeling that makes your heart speed up. 

You quickly retracted your hands with a strained smile. 

''Wow!" he stares at you and then at the book with awe. ''Thank you so much! That's so manly of you!'' your heart flutters at the compliment. ''Are you sure you don't want it?'' 

You're quick to shake your head with a polite smile. ''No, it's fine! I've already read that book two times...'' you laugh awkwardly and much to your surprise, Kirishima laughs with you. His laugh isn't forced and sounds like music to your ears- masculine but so cheerful that it makes your body relax.

''Okay then,'' he smiles toothily. ''Thanks um....,'' you quickly realize that he's asking for your name.

''Y/N!'' you make sure that your voice is clear and confident. ''I'm Y/N L/N. It's a pleasure to see you around, Mr. Red Riot,'' you cringe at the odd honorific but Kirishima smiles warmly.

''You can call me Kirishima,'' he walks past you and squeezes his hand on your shoulder.

''It's a pleasure to meet you, L/N! See you soon.'' he shoots you one last toothy grin before pulling up his hoodie and walking away from you.

You're speechless- you've just had a proper conversation with your favorite Pro Hero- and barely manage to wave in response. 

The next week, you were back at the library. You had been a bookworm since a child and while some found solace in friendship and social gatherings, you found peace and solace in books.

This time, you unconsciously made sure to not look like a homeless like you usually do- and wore a pair of skinny jeans, a loose t-shirt, and a pair of vans. 

A part of you said that it was in case you bumped into Kirishima again, but those were just silly fantasies. He was a busy Pro Hero, defending the citizens of Japan. What chances did you have of bumping into him again at the same library?

Turns out that you had every chance in the world since you spotted him slouched in a chair, a new book in his hands. You smile warmly at the sight of him. His red hair makes him even more noticeable but thankfully, the area he's in is pretty much empty so no one has noticed the Pro Hero.

''Hello, Kirishima,'' a smile plays on your lips as you look down at him.

He immediately perks up at your voice and quickly rises from the chair, greeting you with a lovely smile.

''Hey, L/N! I'm glad I caught you here. How are you doing?'' his voice is earnest and you fight back a blush. 

''I'm doing great, thank you. How are you doing, Kirishima?'' you sit down on the chair next to him and he quickly repeats your actions.

''I’m doing okay, but I feel better now that I’ve seen you,'' you can't help but stare at the faint blush that covers his cheeks. Did he blush because of you? Was he...flirting with you?

You giggle at the thought and smile at him with confidence.

''So, what did you think of the book?'' you inquire. You notice that his right foot is tapping the floor repeatedly- is he nervous?

''The book?'' he sounds confused for a couple of moments. ''Oh! I loved it! The writing was so alluring and I think it was quite romantic,'' he grins widely and you can't help but agree with him.

''I'm glad to hear that,'' you smile softly. ''Are you here for another book?''

Kirishima nods vigorously and you laugh quietly. He seems like an eager child.

The two of you engage in some relaxed chatting- exchanging some gentle touches and by the end of your conversation, both of you are blushing.

You continue to visit the library weekly and so does Kirishima. He's incredibly kind, respectful and such a gentleman, you can't help but develop a small crush on him.

It brings you immense joy when he asks you out on a date. It's nothing too fancy, he told you with a sheepish smile. The two of you would meet at a park and perhaps get some coffee.

You wait impatiently for the day of your date. And finally, you're starting to get dressed for your date when your phone rings with a message. The contents make you frown.

Kirishima: Good evening Y/N,

Kirishima: I'm so sorry, but I won't be able to make it for our date today. Some Pro Hero business came up.

Kirishima: I hope you can forgive me. Can we reschedule?

Your heart drops and all your insecurities begin to seep into your heart. A part of you wants to believe him- he's a Pro Hero, after all, his agenda must be pretty busy- but the insecure part of you suggests that he decided that he wasn't interested in you anymore.

You type out your reply with a heavy heart.

Y/N: It's okay, Kirishima

Y/N: Sure, let me know when.

Once you send the message, you immediately call your best friend. Your date being canceled has put you in a foul mood and your best friend always knows how to cheer you up.

                          ━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

''I think you should try going on a blind date, Y/N?’’

‘’You two aren't dating after all and I think you should still have your options open,'' your friend suggests but you frown. By the way, she phrases it, sounds like she's considering your romantic partner options as objects.

''Actually, I know just the guy!'' your friend exclaims. She drops her yogurt on the table and claps her hands together.

''You do?'' you ask absentmindedly, swirling your yogurt with a wooden spoon. Your eyes drift to the customers that are entering and leaving the yogurt shop.

''Trust me, you'll love him. He's extremely attractive, charming and I can guarantee that at least if you don't date, you'll have a great night,'' she winks and you laugh briefly. 

Maybe your friend was right. There was no reason why you should limit your options. 

You're a nobody, a mediocre citizen, the insecure part of you whispered. He's a famous Pro Hero. Did you expect a date with him? He’s way out of your league. 

The insecure thoughts make you swallow visibly and shove yogurt into your mouth in an attempt to distract yourself. 

Your friend's words lead you to your current situation- standing outside of a loud club. Clubs weren't particularly your favorite spot, but the guy had told you to meet him there. He said he would show up in a denim jacket, black tee-shirt, and jeans. His hair color was a light brown.

You patiently waited for him to arrive since you had arrived early. Once you spotted him between seas of people, you wave vigorously with a forced smile. 

The moment he spotted you, he smirked and waves back. You've only known for a couple of seconds, but there's a feeling of dread and fear boiling in your stomach.

''Hi!" you eagerly greet him once he's in front of you.

There's a confident smirk on his face and he introduces himself as Fumihiro Bando. The two of you quickly slip inside the club and linger at the bar, having a light conversation.

Even though he hasn't done anything wrong yet, there's something about him that you can't wrap your finger around. Something about him makes you want to run away, but he's been nothing but polite to you, so you decide to brush the feeling away.

''Here,'' he speaks loudly over the booming music and hands you a drink. ''I'll be right back, I'm going to get more drinks,'' You open your mouth to disagree but he quickly turns around.

A sigh escapes your lips as you toy with the straw of your drink. He was attractive- you couldn't deny it, but you didn't feel any type of connection with him. Not to mention that something about him didn't feel...right.

“Hey,” A voice speaks up next to you. You stop nursing your drink and turn to the left, and stifle back a shocked gasp. An oddly familiar bulky redhead is sliding into onto the stool next to you.

Kirishima is sitting next to you and the look on his eyes makes you furrow your eyebrows. Being so close to him makes you blush and goosebumps rise on your skin, he's so close that you notice how he smells like. It almost feels...intimate. 

You aren't strangers with the man, he's talked to you before in the library but this is different- it feels different. The environment isn't like before. You're not in your usual baggy clothing and neither is he- you're wearing a revealing skin-tight outfit that accentuates your body and he's wearing black jeans, a white tee-shirt that presses against his muscles and to top it all of it, a black leather jacket. He's oozing seduction. 

It seems that all the confidence you gained from the alcohol evaporates and for a few moments, you feel painfully sober as you attempt to speak.

''H-hi...'' is all you can manage. Even though you sound like an idiot, Kirishima offers you a sympathetic smile before his gaze drifts to the drink in his hands. His eyes narrow.

“Don’t drink that. I think your date’s trying to drug you.” his voice drops down to a whisper. Your eyes widen and your hands immediately loosen around the glass you were carefully holding seconds ago.

''What...?'' you swallow nervously and search for an answer in his expression. He seems to be on alert- his eyes are constantly changing focus- surveying the entire club.

''How do you know that?'' you murmur. ''Why...um,'' your voice dies down when you spot your date from afar. He hasn't spotted you yet and he's weaving through crowds but it feels like someone dumped a bucket of insects on your head. You can feel goosebumps crawl all over your skin.

Kirishima seems to notice this and presses his hand on your back, steering you away from the bar.

''Let's go,'' he whispers in your ear as you rise from the stool. ''It's best if you lose him. I'll get you somewhere safe, okay?'' 

You can barely walk and keep up with his long strides, your legs are trembling and your toes feel numb. 

During the entire time, Kirishima keeps his hand on your back- it doesn't lower or move at all, but he keeps his grip firm as he helps you weave through the crowds of dancing bodies. 

Once the two of you are outside of the club, you breathe in the fresh air and feel your body tremble harder. 

Kirishima begins to rub circles on your back and whisper comforting words. You can feel your breathing regulate and you slowly regain your composure.

''There you are.'' the cold voice of Fumihiro Bando makes you freeze.

Kirishima turns around to face him and places you behind him.

''Hey there,'' Kirishima's tone is friendly, but his eyes are narrowed. ''Do I know you?''

Fumihiro scoffs and looks at the redhead with disgust.

''Ditching me for another guy? I've barely met you for a few moments and I can tell you're a fucking whore,'' he snarls. 

Your pride stings with his words and Kirishima stiffens at his words.

''That isn't very manly,'' he says calmly. ''Apologize to her. It's unmanly to disrespect woman.''

Fumihiro snickers and steps forward, glaring daggers at Kirishima. 

''Why don't you shut the hell up and fuck off?!'' Fumihiro pushed Kirishima, but he didn't even budge. The push did absolutely nothing to him. Fumihiro seemed to notice this, as he swallowed visibly and took a step back.

''Do you realize who you're talking to?'' Kirishima said coldly. ''I would calm down if I were you.''

He scoffed and glared at the redhead. 

''What? Your gym muscles aren't scaring anyone, buddy.''

''Those aren't gym muscles, you dickhead,'' a new voice growls. You jump and tighten your grip on Kirishima's arm. 

A tall, lean but muscled guy with spiky blonde hair and blood-red eyes steps out of the club and glares at Fumihiro- and it takes you a minute to recognize who it is- Pro Hero Ground Zero!

Oh dear, you think. Your legs are jittery- meeting two Pro Heroes in one day? You're ready to faint.

''You're disrespecting the Pro Hero Red Riot, you piece of shit,'' Ground Zero growls. Fumihiro's eyes widen. ''And me, by being here. Now fuck off before I get angry.''  Fumihiro scowls but scrambles away and once he's out of your eyesight your body relaxes. Kirishima brings you forward, a hand on your back. Ground Zero's narrowed eyes drift to you.

''Thanks, Bakugou!'' Kirishima says with a toothy smile. 

''Tch. Whatever. Who's this?'' his tone is brash and rough, but you can tell he's good friends with Kirishima. 

''Oh! This is Y/N, a friend of mine,'' your cheeks feel warm. 

Bakugou grunts and gives you a nod of acknowledgment which you return with a small nervous smile. 

''I'm going to walk Y/N home, Bakugou, so I'll head out early today. See you,''

The blonde grunts in response and retreats into the club. Once he's gone, the environment is oddly silent. The faint echo of the music inside the club makes the walls vibrate. You swallow nervously and raise your gaze to Kirishima, who's already watching you with a comforting smile.

''Thanks,'' you murmur. And then you realize how everything must've looked like- the moment he canceled out on your date, you left to leech onto another guy. God, you slightly cringe. This is not good.

''It's not a problem,'' Kirishima's voice is smooth and lighthearted, a big contrast to yours. 

You sigh and pinch your nose. ''I'm sorry, Kirishima, I...'' you trail off. Kirishima clutched your right hand and squeezes it. He offers you an understanding smile.

''It's okay, Y/N. I don't want to imagine how you felt and I'm sorry for canceling. I was really busy that day.''

Your heart feels heavy at his words. He's so sweet and nice your heart feels like it's about to explode.

''I know Kirishima but, I shouldn't have gone on this date. My friend convinced me into going and the dude tried to drug me...'' you groan and force down the desire to cry. ''I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry. I'll understand if you don't want to see me again...''

Wiping your eyes harshly, you lower your gaze to Kirishima's fancy shoes and sniffle.

''Hey, hey,'' he grabs your chin gently and presses a hand on your shoulder.

''Don't feel bad, sweetheart. It's not your fault. I'm not mad, you don't owe me anything, okay?'' he murmurs the last few words, brushing his finger on your chin.

''Th-thank you.'' without hesitation, you lean forward and wrap your arms around his back.

''You were free to reject me or decide to move on. I won't judge you, because it's your decision and not mine. Okay?''

His bright red eyes are staring directly into yours. Your entire body feels body and you sniffle. 

Your hug takes him by surprise- he tenses before relaxing and wrapping his arms around you. He's so tall you can barely reach his collarbone. You sniffle and bury your face in his chest.

''I'm sorry for crying... I've just had a long day.'' Your words are muffled but Kirishima understands them perfectly. 

''It's okay,'' he rubs his hand in circles on your back. ''You have nothing to apologize for.''

The two of you stand there for a few minutes until you gain back your composure. His arms are warm and strong, you feel at home in his hold. 

Sniffling, you pull back and rub at your eyes. ''Thanks for watching out for me, Kirishima. I don't know how I can ever repay you.'' you bow politely.

Kirishima chuckles. He smiles crookedly and crosses his arms over his chest.

''Of course.'' 

''Well...you could repay me with a date.''

Your face warms up and you smile. 

Kirishima's grin widens and he steps forward. You giggle at his actions.

''I'll be looking forward to our date. But for the moment, I think I'll walk you home. Is that okay with you?''

''So...'' you fiddle with your keys. ''Thanks for everything, Kirishima.''

You nod and smile brightly. Kirishima smiles and the two of you begin to walk towards his car.

The two of you exchange a comfortable conversation during the car ride and before you know it, Kirishima and you are standing at your doorstep.

He smiles in response. ''Call me Eijirou.''

Your eyes widen but you nod in response. Before you can lose the little amount of courage you've gathered, you stand on your tiptoes and press a kiss on his cheek.

''Thank you for everything, Eijirou.''

His eyes widen and you giggle as you watch his face redden and his hand hovers over the spot you kissed him.

''No-no problem!" his voice is squeakier than usual but there's a bright grin on his face. 

''I'll text you in the morning?'' he asks uncertainly. You nod and unlock your door, stepping inside your house.

''I'll be waiting for your message,'' you say with a teasing smile.

Kirishima smiles and nods. ''Good night, Y/N! Sleep well.'' 

You softly bid him goodbye and close the door behind you. With a smile, you lay on your sofa and press a hand over your beating heart.

The way Kirishima makes you feel is a powerful feeling- scary to an extent, but you're more than ready to explore this feeling with him. 

a/n: as always lovelies, please leave a like, reblog, follow and/or comment if you enjoyed! <3 have a good day! 

[jemmahazelnut]

Time travel

Summary: A spell ends badly, so Laxus finds himself dealing with three Freed, who come from three different time points. A 13-year-old Freed boy, a 35-year-old and a 60-year-old. [Freed/Laxus]

Links: AO3 - Fanfiction

This story is inspired by an episode of Doctor Who. I hope you like it :)

Time travel

Something had gone wrong with the spell, Laxus had understood this immediately when he saw his teammate shrink. He looked at the baby in front of him. The green hair reached up to his shoulders, the fringe covered his right eye and the two lightning bolts that he usually had on his head were gone. He was Freed, there was no doubt. Just... he was small. He was a fucking boy of twelve or thirteen. The kid looked up at him and frowned.

“Who are you?” he immediately asked. Laxus stared at him for a bewildered moment. So, it wasn't just something physical, his mind had gone back to years ago too. Freed stood up, getting rid of the shirt that was now far too big and looked around scrupulously. Laxus didn't know what to do, he had to get him back to normal but he had no idea how.

“Freed...” he began but didn’t finish the sentence that Freed took off his sword and pointed it at him.

“What have you done to me?” he asked coldly. Laxus looked at him more and more bewildered. Of course, he knew that Freed hadn't been a wizard of sound principles prior to joining Fairy Tail, and he knew it would probably be best to take his sword off so he wouldn't get into trouble or start torturing people, but ultimately, he was a thirteen-year-old boy. What could he possibly do wrong?

He wasted time thinking about it and Freed threw a rune at him that hit him in the chest. Laxus took only half a step back and was surprised to realize that it was the rune of pain. He moaned slightly, luckily at that age Freed didn't have to know how to use it perfectly, because the pain was not comparable to what he’d have inflicted on him at that time. The surprise, however, was enough to keep him busy enough for Freed to sprout wings on his back and fly out of the apartment.

“Little bastard” Laxus growled to himself. At least, with Freed at a distance, the rune had vanished from his chest. “Other than a kid, that will fill me with problems” he blurted out ready to join him.

“Are you talking about Yuri?” asked a voice behind him. Laxus turned and noticed in surprise that there was another Freed. A bigger Freed, thankfully. In fact, he looked older than his true friend and Laxus was beginning to get confused.

“Yuri?” he asked, although he had a thousand other questions in mind. That Freed scratched his head with his hand and frowned.

“Our son, you are… different. Has anyone attacked us? I don't remember how I ended up here” he said starting to look around inquiringly “A spell has been cast on you to rejuvenate you. I just wonder who this unwise person is attacking one of us, and if he dared to do something to Yuri, I'll kill him with my own hands” he growled becoming threatening. Laxus stared at him more and more dazed.

“Son?” he asked blinking. From that point on he hadn't listened much. What the hell was he talking about? Maybe he had come out of another dimension, or maybe that spell over time had made him come from the future. For some reason Laxus felt himself blush. What the hell did it mean they had a child? Wait, to have a child they had to get engaged first, right? Why the hell was he thinking about those things right now? And what the fuck was going on, especially? Freed approached him with a frown.

“Are you ok?” he asked. “Don't tell me you don't remember Yuri, what did they do to you?” he asked. Laxus finally roused himself. If that guy was Freed -and he was- he could help him.

“It's not me that's rejuvenated” he said. “It's you that's aged, and there was another twelve or thirteen-year-old Freed that slipped out of my hands” he explained. The man in front of him frowned more and more confused, but at least he was listening carefully. “It was you and me and we were doing a spell, look” Laxus said, taking the book and showing it to him. The man observed him carefully while reading. He was quite calm.

“Well, at least Yuri is safe” the one thought aloud with relief. “What year are we in?” he asked.

“X796” Laxus replied immediately and Freed slowly nodded and became thoughtful.

“Ten years ago” he said thoughtfully. Laxus realized that Freed must have been 35 years old. “And you said there's another Freed. You know, reading this spell I think I understand what happened. Three of my time copies have appeared in this time. I still don't know how we can get them home but without a doubt we have to find them all” he clarified. Laxus nodded.

“Wait, three?” he asked. Did it mean there was another Freed?

“How young and beautiful I was years ago” said another voice behind them. They both turned and Laxus noticed that he was a gray-haired old man. That had to be the third and -Laxus hoped- the last Freed.

“I didn't think I'd get to that age” commented the younger one. The elder wizard chuckled as he was amused by what he was seeing.

“Ah, you can't imagine how many things you'll have to live” he laughed. Laxus was more and more thrilled. Freed instead raised an eyebrow.

“Why aren't you surprised?” he asked.

“Because I’ve already lived this thing” the elderly gentleman smiled. “Now, I'm going to go to my house. You two better find the younger one before he gets in trouble and shows up for other people” he advised them. Laxus looked at the increasingly thrilled old man, while Freed looked at him somewhat skeptically.

“If you’ve already lived this part, it means that you know where he is. Can you help us, and why don't I remember anything anyway? If something similar has happened to me at thirteen, I should remember it” Freed pointed out. There was something wrong with all of that. The old man smiled.

“You’ll understand” he said “Now go, I remember that at thirteen I was quite presumptuous” he concluded, and then turned and nodded “I'll wait for you at home” he said. He vanished in a thousand runes from ahead of them, leaving them alone without a shred of guidance. Laxus turned to Freed, watching him for a moment full of questions.

“Am I alive in the future?” he asked.

“Sure, we have a son” Freed said as if it were obvious “You shouldn't even know, we're not a couple yet, are we?” commented the rune mage. Laxus blushed slightly and the man in front of him looked at him with an amused smile. “No, I’d say no”.

“Either way, we have to find that kid. Come on, I'm following his scent” Laxus said, quickly changing the subject and leaving the house. Freed didn’t reply and followed him, although a mischievous smile was fixed on his face.

“Aren't you curious when we started dating?” he asked at one point.

“No” Laxus snapped embarrassed and uncomfortable. That wasn't something he wanted to talk about right now, especially not with Freed! Although the idea of being with his friend didn’t mind at all, he was too much to know that in the future they would be a steady couple and that they would even have a child. He concentrated on the smell of his friend, even if it was a bit difficult since one of the time copies was right next to him, but he finally found the trail and followed it. After a few minutes the two men found the boy. He was perched in a tree, he was nibbling on grapes and he had a grim look on his face, as if he were planning to torture someone. Which, considering it was Freed, was very plausible. The two boys started to reach him but at a certain point some runes were activated around them. The boy immediately turned to the two men.

“I knew someone was following me” he blurted out as he stood up on the branch. Laxus glared at that little teenager who had fucked them both. He didn't understand how it was possible. He simply hadn't expected that at that age he would already know how to draw Jutsu Shiki.

“I was a little genius already at that time” the man next to him complimented himself, looking at the runes in surprise. “Look at this, I already knew how to create practically perfect Jutsu Shiki, even if there’s a small mistake”.

“Who are you?” snapped the kid to the Freed-adult, who looked up with a slight smile.

“I'm you, only I'm older. Now, can you free us so we can talk?” he asked quietly. The Freed-teenager didn't seem convinced.

“I don't believe you” he snapped immediately “And anyway that spell is perfect. I doubt anyone could do it better. And you can't get out of there, but you can try” he told them, then turned and flew away. Laxus tried to throw a bolt of lightning at him, because he was beginning to get fed up with that little guy who slipped out from under his nose, but the lightning just hit the invisible wall around him. Freed watched the boy with satisfaction.

“I was a genius” he said again.

“Do you stop being satisfied for being trapped?” he growled irritably. Freed chuckled and nodded.

“Apologizes. It's just that it's all very strange” the wizard said as he began to rewrite the runes of the barrier to remove them. The blond snorted and was about to move on but the man grabbed him by the wrist and held him.

“What are you doing?” Laxus snapped.

“I know myself well enough to know that he probably has set a lot of similar traps around here. You’ve no idea how much fun I enjoyed building them to catch even the most powerful wizards by surprise. For being small I knew how to use my power with genius” he explained. Laxus raised an increasingly skeptical brow.

“Now do you stop complimenting yourself and start helping? I want to point out that we were screwed by a thirteen-year-old boy” he snapped. Freed laughed.

“Well, that kid is me. There’s no surprise” he said. Laxus rolled his eyes.

“You're not that presumptuous at this time” he muttered.

“Because you don't know me well yet, but wait until you discover all my other sides, especially the ones under the sheets” he said with a mischievous smile, at which Laxus blushed and looked away. Of course he was a bastard. Freed chuckled. “You were so shy, it still makes me weird” he laughed.

“Stop it” Laxus grunted. “And find that damn kid” he snapped. Luckily Freed had finished teasing him, and looked around making the way for Laxus to avoid all the traps. When they returned to town Freed told him that there were no more and that they could go around easily. Laxus followed his scent again and they finally found him. At that point the blond decided not to underestimate him anymore, he turned into a lightning bolt and appeared directly behind him, grabbing him by the shoulder. Freed began to struggle.

“Bastard, let me go” he growled at him.

“Forget it” Laxus snapped, dragging him heavily towards the Freed-adult. That kid kept fidgeting, he looked really furious.

“How did you get free?” he snapped angrily. “No one can get out of my spells”.

“I told you, that Jutsu Shiki wasn't perfect. But even if it was, I'm a runes wizard” Freed-grown-up said. The boy crossed his arms in irritation. Then Laxus felt a familiar dark aura rising from his body, at which Freed-adult became serious and threw a rune at him that implanted itself on his forehead. The dark aura suddenly vanished and the boy seemed stunned.

“How... what did you do to me?” he asked in alarm.

“Nothing special, I just blocked your magic” said the man now calmer “And I advise you to be careful to use that spell, you’re not ready to do it yet”.

“I’m stronger than you think. You may have been able to undo my spell, but you’ve no idea what power I can use” he growled. Laxus annoyed began to drag him heavily towards his friend's house, hoping only that that kid would calm down soon, or he would throw a punch in the head even if he was Freed. Strangely, the boy calmed down, but Laxus didn't let go anyway, he didn't want to let it slip a third time.

“What magic do you use?” the boy asked.

“Your own, I’m you” Freed repeated for the umpteenth time.

“How can you be me? You're old” the kid objected. “And time spells are forbidden. Besides, I'd sure be a more skilled wizard than one who gets screwed by a thirteen-year-old boy” he pointed out.

“Good heavens, I'm really starting to get tired of you two and your conceit” Laxus muttered.

“Well, at least you're smarter than this guy” the kid snapped acidly. Laxus gave him a dirty look.

“Are you lucky that I'm your friend, or I’d have already given you a good shot” he told him brusquely.

“I highly doubt you’re my friend. First, I have no friends, I’d never trust anyone enough to call them that. Second, if I ever had to pick a friend, I'd pick someone smart and strong enough, not a brawny, brainless one like you. Third, a friend wouldn't have caught me like you did” he listed. Laxus raised an eyebrow.

“You know what, you broke my balls” he said and sent a shock through his body. Not too strong, because he didn't really want to hurt him, but enough to stun him and get off his high horse. After that, the boy finally fell silent, perhaps understanding who he was dealing with. They arrived at Freed's house, and as soon as they stepped inside they saw that the older Freed was sitting in the armchair reading quietly.

“You did it, I was beginning to think that you’d be fooled by me” he said with a smile, raising his head from the book.

“Oh my goodness, tell me you know how to undo the spell” Laxus said in exasperation. He wanted his Freed, of those three he had had enough. The old man smiled and nodded.

“Yes, but first I'd like to talk to him privately” he said, pointing to the boy, who immediately frowned at him.

“Well, I don't want to talk to you. In fact, I'd like to know what's going on and why you brought me here” he snapped. Laxus pushed him towards the old man, since there were runes around Freed's house, he doubted that the little one would run away. Then with the adult Freed he walked to the kitchen to leave them alone.

“It was a nice alternative afternoon” Freed said.

“Really? It was a nightmare for me” Laxus objected.

“Really? You’ve been surrounded by the love of your life” the man teased. The blond snorted.

“Stop it” he muttered with warm cheeks. But now he was starting to be curious about his future, what he’d do and how he’d live with Freed. But he didn't dare ask for anything, probably that man would have made fun of him. Freed, however, seemed to understand his thoughts without opening his mouth.

“Come on, ask. I can answer your questions” he told. Laxus raised an eyebrow.

“Wouldn't it be forbidden to talk about the future?” he objected. Freed shrugged.

“It would also be forbidden to do spells on time, and as you can see, I'm here” he pointed out “So, you want to know what you are doing ten years later?” he asked. Laxus just nodded. “Well, we're still Fairy Tail wizards, even though we don't take as many missions as we used to. You’re the Master, so you’ve a lot of commitments and I prefer to spend more time with Yuri” he said with a smile on his face.

“Oh” Laxus said in surprise.

“Don't worry, even if we have a baby, we still have fun in bed” he added with a mischievous smile. Laxus gave him a dirty look.

“Stop it?” he blurted out nervously. Thinking that he would do certain things with Freed… no, it was better not to just think about it. Warmth filled his face with certain thoughts and Freed laughed.

“Sorry, it's funny, you get embarrassed too easily”.

“You're a bastard.”

“Yes, and you like me for that too” Freed replied promptly. Laxus turned his nervous gaze until he heard voices from the living room.

“What have you done to me?” screamed the little boy. Surprised Laxus and Freed went to the other room to see what was wrong, but the boy seemed to have nothing different. Although he kept touching his hair in anger, trying to flatten the two lightning bolts he had on his head. The old man was giggling.

“So, they're much prettier, and they won't go away, no matter what spells you put on them” he told.

“I will send them away” objected the boy “They are horrible, horrible. I'll cut them off” he decided.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you, or you'll have two holes in your head” the old man chuckled. Laxus stared at the boy in surprise. What the hell? In fact, before the kid didn't have those two lightning bolts in his head, had old Freed created them for him? And why had he ever done it? Honestly, he didn't understand why, but he didn't care. Freed's hair was so beautiful after all.

“I hate you. I hate you” growled the teenager. The adult Freed ran a hand through his hair.

“I like them” he retorted.

“It's just hair” Laxus said wearily. The adult smiled winking at him.

“Let's see if you'll think so when you want to pull them at b...”

“There’s a child!” Laxus snapped, blushing again. The two older Freed burst out laughing, while the boy stared at Laxus in annoyance.

“I'm not a child” he said immediately “And what are you talking about?”.

“Nothing” Laxus cut short embarrassed “Don't you have to go back to your time?” he snapped.

“You're right, but first I have to do something else” said the old man, raising his hand. Purple runes appeared from his arm, striking both Laxus and the teenage Freed, beginning to erase parts of their memory. When he finished, he uttered the spell and brought everyone back to his time.

-Year X777-

He woke up stunned and in the middle of a forest. Freed jumped up hoping no one had stolen anything from him. He checked his backpack but luckily everything was still there, so he put it on his shoulder and began to move forward, even though he felt that something was wrong. He ran a hand over his head, it almost looked like he had an animal. And indeed, there was something strange. He stopped and pulled, but hurt himself. Quite amazed he touched it to figure out what it was. He needed a mirror now. Whatever it was could be dangerous. Having nothing, however, he ran towards the river he had left behind and was reflected in the water.

“What is this stuff?” he asked horrified. He had two bolts on his head, and it was his hair! He tried to put them down, but nothing, even though he tried it didn't work. So, he tried to cast a spell, but that didn't work either. “Someone must have had a good time at my expense” he growled to himself. He swore that as soon as he found out who he was, he would torture him to death, and he began to cast several spells again, until he heard a voice behind him.

“What are you doing?”. Freed whirled around, noticing that he was a kid who must have been his age, with strange blue hair shot in the air. Well, at least of the two he wasn't the one with the strangest hair. A little consolation.

“Who are you?” Freed snapped on alert noticing some strange dolls whirling around the boy.

“Bickslow, and these are my friends. Pappa, Peppe, Pippi, Poppo, Puppu” the boy introduced himself. Freed raised an eyebrow, was about to tell him they were just stupid dolls when he realized there was a magic about them. He narrowed his inquiring gaze, he had never seen that magic before, yet it seemed very powerful and... interesting.

“I'm Freed” he introduced himself at that point “And I'm a magician like you. You don't belong to any guild, do you?” he asked. Bickslow frowned.

“How do you know?”.

“Simple deduction. Where are you going?” Freed asked. Bickslow shrugged.

“No particular place, I travel a little here and a little there. You?”.

“Me too, if you want, we can travel together,” said Freed, who wanted to know more about that magic. Bickslow shrugged.

“As you want. What are those things on your hair?” he asked.

“Don't even ask!” Freed snapped, remembering his situation again. He was almost tempted to cut them all.

-Year X796-

Freed rubbed his head, confused and dazed. He was lying on the floor of Laxus' living room.

“What happened?” he asked his friend, who was awake not far from him. He too was sitting on the ground, and shrugged.

“I’ve no idea, I woke up a little while ago too” he said. Freed sat up and looked at the book in front of him. He remembered that they wanted to do a spell, then he must have passed out, even though he didn't understand how it could have happened. That was a forbidden spell and he knew it was potentially dangerous, but he was sure he could handle it. He rested his eyes on the writing but Laxus took the book and closed it.

“Don't you want to do it anymore?” Freed asked.

“I don't know…” Laxus said looking stunned “I just have a bad feeling about this spell. It could create trouble” he said and placed it on a shelf in part. Freed stood next to him just nodding. To tell the truth, he felt a little tired. Yet he still didn’t understand what could have happened.

“How do you get that hair like that?” the Dragon Slayer asked at one point. Freed ran his hand over his head and shrugged.

“I honestly don't know, one day I woke up like this and they never went down again” he said with a shrug. “Although I think it's a spell. A magician as powerful as a joker must have done it to me, since I don't understand what it means” he explained.

“And have you never tried to take them off?” Laxus asked. Freed didn't understand why he cared so much right now, but he just answered him.

“Yes, I've tried for years. I hated them at first, but now I like them” he said quietly. Laxus nodded looking satisfied with the answer. Freed didn't say he'd started liking them ever since he'd met Laxus, as if it were a sign of fate or something. Not that Freed believed in fate, but it was a nice thing to think about. As if he and Laxus were meant to be together. He blushed at the thought and hoped that his friend wouldn’t notice, then throwing that stupid idea in the corner of his head. After all, he and Laxus were not together and even if he occasionally thought that there might be something, in the end he ended up never exceeding the limit he had imposed on himself. If and when Laxus was ready, Freed was sure he would tell him or make it clear in some way.

“Well, how about having dinner with Ever and Bix?” the blond asked changing the subject. Freed nodded.

“Sure, as long as Ever doesn't have a no-date with Elfman” he chuckled. Laxus smiled.

“And let Bix not give us a hole to be with his girlfriend” he said.

“Does he have a girlfriend?” Freed asked surprised. If anyone had to know it would have been him.

“Mm ... sometimes I smell a feminine scent on him” Laxus admitted with a smile.

“Ah so it's a secret relationship” Freed commented, now curious to know who he was dating.

“Yes, I think. In any case, I want to go out for dinner” Laxus said as he went out the door of the house.

“Badly, you'll have to settle for me” Freed said. “I'll make sure I'm as annoying as Bickslow and as irritating as Evergreen so you feel like you're in great company”.

“Nah, you're annoying enough on your own” Laxus smiled.

“Oh really? Well, you didn't see the worst” he retorted and the two boys laughed as they set out to find their teammates.

-Year X806-

He walked into the house with a smile on his face. Going back in time had been fun, especially making fun of Laxus. As soon as he entered the living room, he saw his husband playing with Yuri, the man was transmitting electricity to the toy cars, moving them from one side of the room to the other while the child skipped around. Freed smiled softly at that view, until Laxus looked up.

“Where have you been all day?” he asked.

“Ten years ago” Freed replied approaching and sitting next to him, popping a chaste kiss on the lips. Laxus frowned.

“What?” he asked him confused.

“You heard right, apparently ten years ago we cast a weird spell, and you found yourself looking after three copies of myself. One thirteen, me, and one older” he explained briefly.

“I don't remember anything like that” Laxus objected. Freed smiled.

“It happened instead, and you were really shy at the time. You blush for the smallest jokes” he joked. Laxus continued to be more and more skeptical.

“You're kidding me” he said after a while.

“No, I'm not” Freed retorted. “You were twenty-eight and you were always agitated around me, you were really lost in love and a bit naive” he giggled.

“I don't remember anything like that” Laxus objected.

“Dad, you're back!” Yuri exclaimed running on Freed and jumping into his arms. Freed smiled and ruffled his hair, then blew him a kiss on the forehead.

“Yes, what did you do in the afternoon?” he asked with a big smile.

“Dad showed me fantastic magic! The magic of a real dragon! It was very powerful!” he exclaimed.

“And tell me...” Freed began. “Did this dragon destroy trees in the woods?” inquired inquiring. Yuri put his hands in front of his mouth, glanced at Laxus and giggled.

“Nooooo” said the child with a guilty smile. Freed shot Laxus a dirty look.

“I told you not to do it anymore. Then you complain about the complaints to Fairy Tail” he told him.

“Relax, it was just two trees and he wanted to see the magic in action” he said. Freed shook his head in resignation and decided to let it go.

“Now I want to see that of the demon too!” Yuri exclaimed.

“Not now” Freed said.

“Come on, I want to see it, I want to see it, I want to see it” he insisted, clapping his hands.

“Come on, show him the magic. I'm going to make dinner” Laxus told him placing his hand on his shoulder and standing up. Freed smiled and stood up with the baby in his arms who exulted happily.

“I have the strongest dad in the world!” he exclaimed.

“Sure” Freed said right away.

“He's talking about me” Laxus said with a smirk. Freed gave him an amused look.

“No, he's talking about me” he replied with conviction, and then went out with Yuri in his arms, ready to give him some more fun.

-Year X841-

He lay back on the bed, where Laxus was writing a letter. Freed settled under the covers.

“Where have you been all day? You disappeared and no one could find you anymore” he said, scratching his gray hair.

“I had a little fling” Freed replied quietly, then looked at the letter his husband was writing. “Still complaining about Nashi?” he asked him.

“Yes, that girl is as her father. She's grown up now, and she keeps doing damage everywhere” Laxus muttered. Freed laughed slightly, and Laxus put the letter away. “This time she destroyed a ship. And we have to pay for it. You know, I'm thinking of appointing someone else as a Master, I'm starting to get old for these things” he said lying on his stomach.

“Nah, you're still full of strength” Freed retorted, stretching an arm over his partner's body. “Even if you were much more beautiful when you were young” he added thinking about what he had just experienced with a little melancholy. Laxus looked at him in surprise.

“I can say the same about you” he retorted “And why are you coming up with this story right now?”

“Nothing, you wouldn't believe me” Freed smiled.

“With all the ones I've seen I'd believe anything” Laxus replied. Freed smiled.

“When I told you years ago you didn't believe me” he recalled. Laxus frowned, probably wondering what he was talking about. At that point Freed decided to tell him. “I went back in time, I saw you as a young man and also myself” he explained. The husband frowned.

“Well, I understand why I didn't believe you. Why did you go back in time?” he asked curiously.

“I didn't decide it. Do you remember when we tried to do that forbidden spell? The one to slow down the passage of time?” he asked. Laxus grew thoughtful, trying to recall that moment.

“We didn't” he retorted.

“Yes, we did” Freed replied. “You just don't remember it because I erased your memory” he explained. Laxus nodded slowly and Freed smiled. “Well, I think it's time to get that rune out of your brain” he said and ran a hand over his forehead, which briefly lit purple. After a while Laxus widened his eyes slightly and smiled.

“Man, we were very young” he said. “And you have erased a memory like that?”.

“I had to do it, I revealed your future to you, we risked changing the flow of time” Freed explained. Laxus smiled.

“You're right” he agreed. He had done well, because he would not have changed anything of that period. Everything was perfect like that. The way they got engaged, their first dates, their marriage, the choice to adopt Yuri, the love they had given him... would not have changed anything.

“I only have one thing to ask you” Laxus said after a while. Freed turned to him waiting for the question. “Why did you use the spell to create two lightning bolts in your head?” he asked, turning to him and taking the now gray locks between his fingers. Freed smiled softly.

“To make sure I recognize you” he simply replied.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Top 20 BEST Animated Series of the 2010s-9th Place

You know how nowadays people complain about how nothing’s original anymore and that we now live in a world of reboots and reused ideas?

Those people aren’t wrong, but I at least know a show that can try to prove them wrong.

#9-The Amazing World of Gumball (2011-2019)

The Plot: A blue cat named Gumball-Actually that’s not good enough.

The Plot: In the city of Elmore-No, that’s not right either...Got it! 

The Plot: The friends and family of a kind/stupid/sarcastic--Okay, you know what? I can’t do this.

You see, I can explain this series in any way possible, to the point where I could copy and paste the show’s actual description into the review. However, even if I were to do that, that still wouldn’t be enough to fully explain this show. Because I’m not lying when I say that there’s no better way to describe The Amazing World of Gumball other than the most unique series ever on television. Where other shows can easily replicate comedy, characters, and even animation style into their own, there’s nothing you can duplicate in The Amazing World of Gumball without coming across an exact copy. Ask China. They should know more than anybody as they literally made a rip off of the series (Google it).

And to get a clear idea of why Gumball can't be replicated, we need to see just why it's unique in the first place.

Let us first look at the show’s comedy and how it makes The Amazing World of Gumball the funniest show I have ever seen. And no, I don’t mean funniest show in animation or in the 2010s. I fully mean it’s one of the funniest shows I have seen in the last twenty-one years I have been alive. I know that comedy is subjective and that not everyone will find the same things funny, but the thing about The Amazing World of Gumball is that it has humor that appeals to everyone. The show's humor is random, meta, cringe, shocking, dark, gross, political, and satirical with politics, society, and popular culture. That’s a lot of sense of humor to appeal to, and Gumball appeals to them through a plethora of jokes that are random for kids, brilliant for adults, irregular for adults wishing they were kids, and smart for kids pretending to be adults. The odds are that if you find something funny, The Amazing World of Gumball will make you laugh at least once.

Then there are the characters, who are both great yet kind of poorly written. The best way I can describe their personalities is this: They’re like characters from sitcoms having their cliche personalities turned up to eleven...thousand. Because of this, every cast member is so dynamic in a way where it’s hard for me to forget them. And seeing how Gumball is (obviously) a comedy, each character fills the role of making people laugh within every episode, making it easier to remember them. Unfortunately, some of the jokes come from what is being said rather than who’s saying it. Thankfully the jokes are still funny through the lines and delivery, but it can come across as distracting at times. What’s even worse is how characters seem to have conflicting personalities. For example, Gumball as a character can either be idiotic in one episode but also written as intelligent in another. It’s no better with Darwin, who often goes back and forth as a naive sidekick and the deadpanned voice of reason to Gumball’s antics. 

Finally, there’s the biggest thing that this show has going for it: It’s styles of animation. Yes, you read that correctly. Because The Amazing World of Gumball has not one, not two, but three types of animations. It has 2D animated characters, 3D animated characters, and even live-action puppets interacting together within a live-action environment. This is the essential factor that makes me say Gumball is the most unique show of all time because no other series can mix all of these styles in a way that doesn’t seem out of place. Even better is how well the show is animated, as it’s a mix of both logical and cartoonish movements. There are times where characters can obey real-world logic and physics, wherein other moments it seems like they operate in a way that wouldn’t make sense if this show wasn’t a cartoon. And when this show has big chase scenes (yes, those exist in this series), the animation quality is equal with most movies. The characters can also move in a way that somehow manages to be more fluid than other action series, and the scenes themselves are both a perfect mix of intensity and hilarity.

Now, as great as The Amazing World of Gumball is, it does have its fair share of problems. And like most comedies, the show’s greatest weakness is also its greatest strength. I, of course, mean the jokes within the show. Not only do some gags fail to land, but others go too far with the humor to the point where it’s not even funny anymore. And the biggest problem is when a joke spoils a grave moment. Now I want to make it clear: Gumball isn’t a dramatic series. It’s a comedy. But even then, the best comedies know when to slow down on the jokes and let an earnest moment ride out. Hell, some comedies even tell a serious story through their goofs and gags. And Gumball does accomplish this from time to time. But these moments are far and few between the ones that get interrupted with a poorly timed one-liner. In fact, this results in being unable to enjoy a dramatic moment and actually play a game I call, "Wait for the punchline." The series plays out a scene that is meant to be taken seriously, and at the last second, make the punchline that it’s supposedly been building toward. And most of the time, it’s not even that funny. 

But the worst thing about The Amazing World of Gumball is that you can easily skip the first season. The first season of most shows is not always going to be the best. They’re all about giving audiences a general feel about the series and helping the writers know what sticks and what needs improvement. Gumball’s first season, on the other hand, is easily its worst. Everything good about the show is barely there, and everything in season one is changed by season two and beyond. From the art style to character personalities, The Amazing World of Gumball is almost a different series by season two. Now to be fair, there are a couple of great episodes in season one, but seeing as how everything barely gets brought back up again, you can easily just skip it (except for when it comes to the season two finale, which almost makes season one worth it). And as bad as certain shows got, the quality at least slowly regressed rather than starting off as bad.

Despite its few faults, The Amazing World of Gumball remains one of the funniest and most unique shows on this list. Making it a show that truly is Amazing.

(Also, keep in mind that season 6 ends the show on a literal cliffhanger. So, be ready for disappointment. And yes, I know the series’ creator Ben Bocquelet hints at there being a movie, but Genndy Tartakovsky said the same thing about Samurai Jack. And it still took thirteen years until all we got was basically a ten part miniseries...Which is arguably better than a movie, but it still took thirteen years people! THIRTEEN YEARS!)