#i talked to my professor this morning
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#i talked to my professor this morning#becuse when hepresented the course program he introduced himself and i saw he did a postdoctorate on gender/sexuality identity#but regarding teaching#and like i'm not a big fan of doing research BUT#some thing i envisioned if i were to do one#was to talk about fanfiction#and it had crossed my mind to involve something related to queer studies and fanfiction#so i aapproached him today since we didn't have class#and told him i'm interested in studyiing fanfiction related with a queer perspective#mainly like trying to understand it's impact on the readers and maybe like identification#or how it helps people come to terms with their sexuality or sth like that#i also thought about fanfic in the context of people learning english but i didn'r mention it#only talked about the queer connection#AND HE SAID#HE HAD JUST ORIENTED A STUDENT OF THAT SAME SUBJECT#and he sent me her paper#and i'm in love#GURL DID EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND#but with marvel characters (stony my beloved)#and now i'm thinking.... MAYHAPS I COULD DO ABOUT HARRY AND LOUIS L O L#but that would mean i would have to dive into laarry stuff#Maybe i could do spn hmmmmmmm#idk just THINKING THOUGHTS#bc i'm not even sure i want to do a research and it's not even mandatory#but it's an area i'm interested in to know and understand more and make connections 🥺#personal x
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SOMEONE STOLE MY WHOLE FUCKING TOMATO PLANT ??????
#talks#MY PROFESSOR JUST GAVE IT TO ME YESTERDAY WHAT THE FUCK !!!!#i was going to plant it when i got home#it was here this morning before i left for work and class 😭😭😭😭
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oh random health update:
my diet has opened back up! ily bread
it is Not the first thing we thought it was
it is, in fact, a second thing. and i have another lab this week and another appt next week
having a dr who listens to you is a game changer
thank you for tuning into penni's vague health updates
#there is hopefully a medicine i can get on. and i want to badly#penni yeets her thoughts into the void#school has been good except class sign up is still ongoing for me. it's been a week. i have a form to fill out#and a talk to write this week but i have the same exact from two years ago so. it might be lightly recycled#got a 100 on an exam this morning even with football practice noises#another exam on monday#harp lessons are great btw :] i love my professor sm
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it should be illegal to feel like this on your birthday
#i really loved my morning i got such nice gifts from my mom#and it was nice to just have a morning off#but that was honestly the worst class i’ve ever been in#i was trying to talk to my professor but my voice sounded so off#i’m so stressed bc i’m so behind i don’t know what to do it’s not clear at ALL#i think he’s assuming everyone’s done something like this but it’s not true!! i’m a sophomore and everyone else is a junior or senior#and i was trying to hard not to break down and i think i made it#but now i’m in my room and i need everyone to shut up#i want to take a shower to calm down but i can’t bc my roomate is here and she knows i already took one today#and i don’t like that i’m 20 i’m scared of growing up#and im homesick im always homesick in the back of my heart#i just want a hug honestly
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i really am trying very hard to get better at not caring what people think of me but ummm. being rejected by my peers does still hurt a little!
#i was in my calculus class today and i was in a group with four people and like.#i could REALLY feel them not wanting to talk to me or kind of look at me much either#and also the first day of class our professor was making us do icebreakers (horrible) and i ended up being the only member of one group#just like. by chance. i guess nobody else in the class has the same birthday month as i do#and our professor was like ok do you want to go with the october group then?#and someone from the october group loudly went NO!!#and i am. unsure of how much he was joking!#idk idk idk i already feel like kind of a little freak everywhere i go#so sometimes being reminded that other people ALSO think i'm a little freak (not affectionate) is a little. achey#anyways i think i handled the october rejection pretty well i made a joke out of it but. ouchies#god. i have been awake since 6:45 this morning. i am very tired. and frankly i would very much like a hug or something!
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another weekend, another job rejection!
#and now no more positions are open to apply to! for now at least. some more will probably drop soon. fuck i hope so.#love just. being fucking unable to even make it into the interview phase for my extraordinarily lofty career goal#Of Working In A Fucking Library#just. so thrilled.#kazoo noises#anyway tomorrow morning i have to find a time to talk to my rabbis bc if i dont figure shit out i have to pick between becoming jewish or#graduating on time and i have fucking NO ONE i can talk to this about and ive used up like all of my good will in all of my personal#relationships already and i am So Fucking Sick of feeling mean and petty and evil all the time but my options are either fucking smile and#be noticeably fake optimistic when i get called on my bullshit or burn like all three of my last remaining bridges#i just dont see why i cant even make it to interviews. like i can accept not being the right fit or whatever. but like. it really kinda is#everyone but me whos employed by now.#man. like listen. its not my professors fault. i get that i've got her in a bad position.#but she said ''sometimes we have to pick between sources of joy'' like MAN--#do NOT speak to me about that. absolutely the FUCK not.#you! are employed and have been in this field for over a decade and i work in a grocery store with no sign of luck changing.#i need to be in this section bc 1) im not fucking doing academia with a gun pulled on me#2) i need to actually get some kind of professional experience since its clear i can't actually get a job on merit so i guess i will pay to#go further into debt#anyway no one is around to talk to me about this and i hate bitching to my friends about how fucking hopeless i feel all the fucking time s#everyone please look away from my diary posting and think of me as sexy and fun and bubbly <3333#like. its literally no ones fault so i should not be this fucking resentful.#and yet.#yeah im probably not getting classed as a good person for another several years. shame. ive always wanted to be good.#library travails
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oh and not ONLY did I get an A on my pathophys exam, I also started attending the classes I had skipped for a week without even needing external pressure!! I actually just sat myself down and did my ochem homework and turned it in even though it was imperfect and late!!! idk if these sound like victories when I put them like this but trust me they are LOL
#I had to talk to a professor and I didn’t even hide under a bench afterwards 😎 careful don’t let my swag blind you.#oh but I did almost fuck up like half my inorgo exam this morning bc I forgot how to count lol#did you know there’s 5 atoms in a tetrahedral molecule?? bc I apparently didn’t!
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i cannot stand those quirky overly-friendly-to-the-point-of-crossing-boundaries teachers and professors who make you do icebreakers or fun facts about yourself at the beginning of the semester bc their questions are always the exact sort of stuff that you never wanna answer. but they just keep asking bc they think you’re just being shy and cute. ‘what are your hobbies? what kind of music do you like? what’s a topic very personal and important to you?’ MAN i am not subjecting myself to public humiliation like that for being very far removed from the norm nor am i opening up about my deep-seated personal problems. i don’t know you i don’t respect you you are not entitled to anything outside of my graded work. i’m just trying to prevent everybody in the room including you and i from becoming incredibly uncomfortable. just take the hint when i deflect your questions and pretend to be boring
#my sociology professor was asking us all for our current favorite song to add to the class playlist that he plays a bit from every morning#even if i had a single favorite song i wouldn’t tell him#even if he wasn’t gonna play it in front of others i wouldn’t tell him#he was like ‘ahhh what a diverse and fascinating sample of different genres we’ve collected here from your responses!’#three taylor swift songs. some respectable rock and rap stuff. basically it#i am not about to submit my japanese robots singing about the most unhinged and frightening topics known to man#some of us actually got bullied as children and learned to never be honest ever again especially not when we don’t have friends with us#i could explain to him why i like the things i like#but i’m not about to be that vulnerable?? hello???? i already know he wouldn’t understand or care even if he didn’t say anything mean#ok hot take but i actually kinda don’t like the discourse surrounding infodumping#like ‘it’s ok to just talk at me about the things you like! :)’ ok but if i don’t have clear confirmation that you like it too#then it feels like you’re just listening to me out of pity#you could be as nice as possible but if you don’t ask followup questions or express any sort of favorite part or interesting detail#i will feel awful and be like ok never doing that again#maybe that’s just my personal flavor of mental illness#i never got like. told to shut up or anything when talking#but i did get the awkward silence or ‘light-hearted’ mockery#so i figured shutting myself up was for the best#peach rambles
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>:(
#i need to vent a little im sorry pls ignore this if u are bothered by my thoughts#SH tw !!!!!!#this morning i was supposed to have my weekly therapy session but i had to cancel bc my mom got covid and obviously stayed home from work#and i do online therapy and i didnt feel comfortable doing it with my mom around but i really needed to do it tbh#and then my professor replied to my email with all of the things ive been working on since august and didnt say anything about the material#he just asked to call me on the phone tomorrow and i started to spiral…. like Spiral with a capital s#even now thinking about it my stomach sinks bc i have this feeling that his feedback is going to be negative and i just know my#barely existent self esteem is going to break and idk what im gonna do with myself then#this afternoon while i was spiraling all i wanted to do was /hurt/ myself. i kept thinking that i wasnt good enough and i had done a#horrible job.. so bad that he couldnt even tell me by email but needed to do it on the phone and i felt like throwing up and i couldnt get#/that/ thought out of my head and i could only cry#and all of this not even actually knowing what my professors feed back is going to be because this is just all in my head#but i was talking to my school friends and they were like oh its gonna be fine even if he doesnt like it u can still put the project in ur#portfolio hes not even our professor anymore and so on#and i kept saying that i knew that but i just could not handle that sort of feedback and rejection mentally#i was telling them that i knew i would crumble if i got real negative feedback and i was terrified of that and they just couldnt get it and#idk it made me feel really lonely#im a bit calmer now but i feel so depressed#i am really anticipating something that will hurt really bad
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I have zoom detention now btw
#Not really but i have to talk to my professor during office hours which. Are on friday so now i gotta have this shit at the end of the week#Anyways good morning everypony exciting times in the scam and joke that united states universities are
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Gotta figure out a fake/extremely stretched scenario for the question, "tell me about a time you disagreed with a superior's choice?"
Bc I've never really had that before??
Maybe I can talk about my bigoted supervisor but in what context that isn't me just going, "he was straight up bigoted and I quit that job lol ✌🏼"?
Trying to base the situation at least a LITTLE in SOME truth though bc otherwise I feel like I'd forget :(((
#personal#and I've got class until 4:30pm today#AND I've got a presentation for my morning class tomorrow#AND I've got to talk to the same professor about skipping out early on his first class on top of missing his afternoon class#he's totally fine with me missing the second class but I also feel bad about dipping on the morning class too :(#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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dyke-fag solidarity is one of my favorite things abt being queer
#i love the community. the understanding there#inspired by helping my best friend set up his first dating profile lmfao#and singing it’s raining men w my coworker#and talking abt trans nuns w my professor#will probably delete this in the morning lmfao just thinking abt this
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the experience i am currently having with my french class is so inexpressibly horrendous that it is instilling a hatred of french in me so great it’s not even a joke. i will never visit france. i will never speak another word of french after this course is done. i will block francophone countries out of my mind completely except canada i guess
#this is the second awful experience i’ve had w french classes#why did i even give it another chance#oh my GOD i can’t take this anymore#i need to make a vent post about this for fucking real when it’s not 2 in the morning#i have to talk to my professor and get a tutor like there’s rly not another good option#actually i think i’m in burnt out gifted kid hell right now like i’m being so real#feeling so out of ur depth in adademia and constantly having ur stupidity paraded around for all ur peers to see#IM KILLING MYSELF IM KILLING MYSELF IM DROPPING OUT AND KILLING MYSELF#anyway#ghost rants
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I’m so relieved, I’m going to drop a class that has been driving me to tears every Wednesday night akldjfjskf
#was really nervous about talking to my dad about dropping#but he was really supportive#i've been sleeping at 5 at the earliest every wednesday night/thursday morning because of this class#so it's a huge relief#and i feel like this class was such a big reason why i've been struggling this semester#misc: zebra speaks#now i just gotta tell my lab partner#and the professor who teaches the class (who is also my research professor which is the awkward part oops)
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i love !!!! college !!!!!!!!
#drinking on a tuesday night to cope with getting told off by a professor#then attending class the morning after and finding out im doing above average in all my classes 🥳#therefore planning to go out AGAIN on thursday bc i really need to finish the bottle of tequila in my room rn#im doing WELL i LOVE what im STUDYING and im having FUN#content. i am so so so so content#ella talks too much
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[@distinguished-turtle-enjoyer ]
i actually have not stopped thinkin bout your bb!edit like,,,, its so good and scratches my brain right
how long have you been doin edits for? do have any tips for someone, who hypothetically, wants to start doin edits too? what programs do you use? how did you do the cool animated bits?
im so sorry for all the qustions 😭😭 i just think youre very talented and inspirational and i hope you have a good day ^_^
hi firstly oh my gosh you're literally so sweet i am gently shaking you i love you so much /p. secondly, i apologize for the long answer! (it's all under the cut. this got away from me. i'm so sorry apparently i have a lot to say.) (also you're so good about the questions i would constantly be asking one of my professors questions during class to the point where she said i didn't have to go "i have a question" every time i approached her)
i've been editing since 2016! around march/april, i think? loved it so much i went into film & video production in college as a major so i could do editing for a living. (i have done more motion graphics for my classmates than i have done edits outside of class assignments, BUT!)
the program i use is after effects - i started learning it when covid first hit the united states because i had nothing better to do with my time (other than music theory but i failed that bc my professor focused more on the history aspects than the actual theory soooo) and my ipad kept giving me the "no more storage" whenever i tried to use videostar lmao. (vs has, apparently, gotten a LOT of good updates, so if you're looking to start editing and have an ios system, i'd look into it! only downside is you have to pay for some of the cool stuff).
also the program i use for masking (i think i explain this later dwdw) is superimpose. i've been using it since 2014 and it's SO nice bc i can use my fingers to erase backgrounds & stuff instead of hoping i can get it to work correctly in ae or photoshop (photoshop my DETESTED i'll use it but i'll complain the entire time).
for people who want to start editing: tutorials on how your program works and how to do specific transitions are gonna be your best friend when you're first figuring things out! i forced a friend to literally walk me through how after effects worked when i was first figuring it out, and when i had swapped to videostar back in 2017/2018(?) i had watched a Lot of tutorials. that and played around a lot and figured things out on my own - which is also always a good way to start!! it's also totally valid to look at other people's edits for inspiration - most editors don't really care, as long as you don't flat-out remake their edit (some people don't like that!). i have a style insp folder on instagram where i save edits that i like so if i need transition ideas or i'm doing a different style, i can look there for inspiration. at the end of the day, as long as you're having fun with it that's all that matters!
also, starting simple is always okay!! my edits for a year were just me slapping gifs & video segments together on a timeline in cute cut pro bc imovie didn't load them lol & it'd crash every time i breathed. ++ it never hurts to ask people for feedback/constructive(!!!) criticism/etc! (also not to sound like everyone else but practice? good. it's so good. if i showed my 14/15y/o self some of the edits i can make now they would've passed out on the spot bc i was still trying to figure out transitions back then. programs can also sometimes make a difference in edits, but usually it's not super noticeable until you start getting to the Complicated Shit.)
a lot of popular programs i've seen are ones like video star (ios only), alight motion (android only), after effects (i recommend 🏴☠️ing it tbh, i only use it legally bc i had to use adobe programs for school), capcut, and i think some people still use sony vegas pro & maybe cute cut pro (i've heard it may have actually gotten better since i last used it in 2018)? i have no idea. programs also depend on whatever device you're using to edit on! since i've been using my laptop, i'm able to use after effects (it's computer-only), but when i used my phone/ipad to edit i used ccp & vs.
for the animation - it's a lot of cutting up the image and masking! more complex animations, like the one i had of leo walking down that red 'hallway' have several different layers that have been masked. (i removed the background & filled in the spot where leo originally was in two different apps - superimpose (taking leo out) & photoshop (filling in the bg)) in after effects, the way i've done this was mask out the specific thing i wanted to move (like an eye) and then put that mask on what i've called a "base" (not animated), and then stick a solid behind the base to match the color of the object. (some of my layers are not named appropriately; base 2 is the left arm & the four "SIX_[...]" layers are the mask/bandana tails)
an example of this would be for any of the eye blink animations i did! this (above) is the same shot, with and without the eye - since it's masked out and i have the background solid behind it, it doesn't look too unnatural/have a black outline/mass where his eye should be.
what it looks like without the solid layer behind it ^ (the red lines are from the null layers - ignore that)
this is what my timeline looks like if it's a more simplistic animation - the only five things being animated here are leo & raph's eyes. (there's only this many layers bc it's two characters in one shot & i was also animating their pupils - typically, an eye-blink animation is about 4-6 layers for me (solid, base, mask, & null to animate with, 6 if i'm animating both eyes & 4 if just one))
in after effects, there's this really cool tool called the puppet pin that one of my friends (lovingly) yelled at me for not knowing about - which. yeah fair she wasn't wrong it's SUPER useful in animating, provided you chop up your image first. if you don't it's a mess.
(separated by layer vs i should've really put the mask tails & leo's head on separate layers and didn't bc that was the 2nd to last animation i had to do and i was losing my mind bc i wanted to be done with the edit lmao)
the way people animate depends all on their style (there's two common ways to do blinking animation - having the anchor point at the bottom of the eye, or the middle of it) and the program they use. it's been a while, but i could probably tell you how to do some basic animations on videostar still even though i've been doing them in after effects for about 2-3years now. ALSO the best way to have an animation be noticeable is to over-exaggerate it/make them Big - which, yes, can mean 'breaking bones' and having the limbs be a little wonky at the start. (if you want it to be realistic though go Just to the point where it looks uncomfortable lmao)
uhm. again i am so sorry that this is so long i THINK this is everything? if not: my inbox/dms are always open if you ever want to ask more questions, wanna follow up on something, etc etc!! (also if you ever start editing please send me your edits!!! i'd love to see them <3)
#this got away from me im SO sorry (just put this in google docs out of curiosity. 1255 words. i am so sorry for the essay.)#uhm. ANYWAY YES like i said if you have any other questions feel free to reach out!!! i am always alway willing to help people out#with stuff like this!!! i can talk your ear off though if this wasn't enough proof of that /j#if nothing makes sense it's bc i'm responding to this at like. 5am my time. so. my bad if there's typos i'm so sorry#like i think i saw this ask at 4:40ish am and i'm still making sure i've got everything covered and its like 5:32am LMAO#me when i dont sleep bc i have no routine now#ask box pals#art creds in the screenshots to trubblegumm !! <- tagging to be safe#still in shock at the amount of positive feedback im getting from my bb!leo edit like oh my god you guys are incredible ilysm /p#sorry i discovered in the middle of typing out my tags that you can edit them now after you've hit enter where am i.#also this is offtopic so its down here but i am Not complaining about doing more motion graphics than actual editing.#a bitch has won two awards for their motion graphics at festivals and i've been doing them for a YEAR#(laughs in the first time i ever did a real one i won a student award. idk how. but i DID and i won the pro category this year <3)#it would be nice tho to do more editing for short films tho :( had a professor tell me i was good at it.#i should rly start using my camera and shoot my own stuff and edit it huh. maybe i will eventually i have a few ideas.#anyway. i need to stop rambling abt my experience as a film student and go to bed i apparently need to be up in the morning but idk WHEN
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