#i talked about this sentiment to people who are born and raised asian and they didn't get it which is really surprising but relieving

[crab-milk]

just wanted to chime in and say (like the other anon) i also feel funky abt my mixed asian identity as a westerner. idk it’s weird being in the in-between spaces. i appreciate you talking abt it on the blog a little, makes me feel less like i’m the only one who feels that way

i'm glad i could help out, even if it was just a little :3

for real though, it didn't occur to me how much cringe i'd have to get over myself just to get into learning chinese and talking to other chinese people about being too american; i find that other asians who aren't born or raised western don't get it and probably find it weird that there is that guilty sentiment of not being 'asian enough,' but i think that in itself is a pretty unique experience worth discussing

[greensaplinggrace]

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

[luimnigh]

Are you white or a POC? You don't need to answer if you don't feel comfortable doing so. I'm just asking because I came across your posts talking about race in RWBY and I would feel more comfortable knowing before interacting.

I’m Irish. 

Which means I’m currently considered “white”, would not have been considered “white” for large chunks of history, and could theoretically have my “whiteness” revoked depending on how Western Culture develops. 

“White” is a social construct, one that moves and changes over time and location. Hispanic people were considered “white” in America in the early half of the twentieth century. That’s why they could show Lucille Ball, a white woman, and Desi Arnaz, a Hispanic man, as a married couple in the 1950s without any real controversy, but might have drawn controversy in the 1970s or 1980s. 

But to bring it back to me, I’m Irish. Born and raised on the island of Ireland, not that it matters: anyone who choses to live here and love here has as much a claim to Irishness as I do. 

My forefathers suffered under centuries of colonialism. I was raised on stories of my father passing as British while living in London, and hearing racist abuse leveled at his own people. Stories about how my grandmother worried for my grandfather as he walked home from work at night, because there’d been a bombing earlier that day and British police were arresting any Irishmen they met. My great-grandfather on my mother’s side never saw the birth of his first child, because he was arrested without cause and held for two years during the War for Independence. 

I could tell you about the jokes that have been leveled at me, personally. How my culture is routinely portrayed as being made of rural drunkards or ex-IRA bomb experts. About how many people in the UK don’t realize that we’ve been an independent country for nearly a century. 

Or how, earlier this year, during BLM protests in London, far-right counter-protestors were tossing in anti-Irish sentiments alongside their racial slurs. 

So am I “white”? Technically. If I went to America, would I benefit from white privilege? Yes, I likely would. 

Does this mean I’m coming at any conversation about discrimination and bigotry from a “white” perspective? I personally don’t think so.

Trying to apply the American view of racism to the rest of the world ultimately just doesn’t hold up, because the way racism has developed across the world is different everywhere. Sure, a metric ton of it originates from the racism of the European Powers as they spread it across the world as they were colonising great big swathes of it, but even that’s not the same as the racism that developed in America. 

While you can compare the bigotry that Black people and Indigineous people and Jewish people and Asian people and all the other people of the world have suffered over human history, it is never going to be a one-to-one comparison. It’s never going to be the exact same bigotry. 

The conversation around bigotry is a nuanced one, with hundreds and thousands of different perspectives from different cultures around the world. I can only state my perspective, and help spread the perspectives of others. 

[marginal-notes]

TLOK Episode One a.k.a. Korra immediately goes on a rampage

So, as mentioned, I’m finally getting around to watching The Legend of Korra with all of my terrible tastes and general thoughts. 

Don’t give me spoilers, my indignation will be funnier without them. 

What I Know About Korra Going In:

If the show can have all of Aang’s bending teachers still around for the audience’s nostalgic pleasure, Suki better be alive and kicking too or I am going to throw a fit

Technology progressed pretty intensely in ways that I will want to pick apart later

Listen, what the fuck is Republic City. Why. Why does this exist. Show you better answer me fast with why this exist for a legitimate in world reason that isn’t just: “The audience is a bunch of American kids and teenagers and we want to uphold the liberal ideals of democracy because of course that’s the motives of the victors after a global war of probably unprecedented scope despite like, Zero (0) indication that the idea of democracy was rattling around anyone’s heads in ATLA.” 

If this is the reason, I’m going to quit watching. Disgraceful. Disgusting.

Something involving anti-bender sentiment.

Something involving something called the Red Lotus which I am side-eyeing the shit out of 

Bloodbending?????

Spirit World shenanigans and Avatar backstory that’s on thin ice with me. 

Love triangles. UGH. TERRIBLE. WHY DOES MEDIA DO THIS. WHO FINDS THIS INTERESTING. PLEASE RAISE YOUR HAND SO YOU CAN EXPLAIN TO ME. 

Alright, here we go. 

WELL, 30 SECONDS IN AND I GOT MY WISH FOR AN EXPLAINATION ABOUT REPUBLIC CITY.

Avatar Aang and Fire Lord Zuko transformed the Fire Nation colonies into the United Republic of Nations, a society where benders and nonbenders from all over the world could live and thrive together in peace and harmony.

Okay. I’m.... I’m going to withhold judgement for now until I watch like, literally more than 30 seconds to fully form my thoughts about this move. I THINK IT’S A DUMB MOVE AND IF THIS IS WHY PEOPLE KEEP HAVING FIRE NATION DEMOCRACY FICS I QUIT.

So. We get a panning shot into this city. Very urban city that’s the product of the industrialization and like whatever the hell that propaganda voice over is talking about. 

As a method of setting the scene and immediately letting the viewers feel and know the passage of time between ATLA and TLOK, I love this shot. There’s no mistaking this for being immediately after ATLA. We’re listening to one of Aang’s kids. There are skyscrapers. The Fire Nation palace in ATLA probably counted towards the architectural development towards urban skyscrapers, but that architecture is fully formed by TLOK. Brilliant. 

I'm the Avatar! You gotta deal with it!

What a cute brat. Her poor parents, oh my god. 

Also, is she supposed to be a prodigy. 

Again with immediately setting contrasts against ATLA. Very cool demonstration, extremely effective distinction between Aang’s journey around the world trying to find teachers and learning how to bend in the middle of a war vs. Korra at peacetime with a whole entire facility dedicated to her. 

Not sure about how I feel regarding the White Lotus’s presence. 

IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE KATARA????

That's your grandmother, Meelo.

Does he not visit his parents. It can’t be that hard to swing by for like. Yearly festivals if the Water Tribe has those. I don’t see why not. Maybe something for when the winter night ends, I can see that being festive. 

Tenzin do you like. Not call? Not write?? Sir???

Oh my god, Pema. I hope she really likes kids, despite how rowdy they are. 

Wait. How old is Tenzin. Thirties to forties? 

How old is Katara. 

Is this going to be a repeat of the Fire Nation royal miracle babies. 

I get that, but I don't think keeping me locked up in this compound like a prisoner is what he had in mind.

Going by the episode title, I bet we know what Korra has in mind. Speaking of this compound, where’s the Southern Tribe? The aerial shots look like it’s in the middle of nowhere. Is she so far removed that she doesn’t even spend time with the tribe she was born into? Cause that sure as hell wasn’t how Aang was raised. 

Honestly fascinating as these contrasts keep coming. The bizarre presence of the White Lotus. The way her teachers come to her instead of her seeking her teachers the way Aang and Roku did. 

The Avatar must have always been a special political figure, without any good contemporaries to our world, to be honest. Back in ATLA, we see that Roku isn’t beholden to Fire Nation citizenship - he seems to transcend that. And it honestly seems important that Roku and Aang went out to the world, experienced the other nations and their ways of life. I think Aang does have a line regarding this. 

Because Korra’s situation? Can easily turn into a nightmare, given the realities of what being the Avatar could easily mean. 

OKAY THIS SHIP. Very cool looking, very neat, I continue to love every visual manifestation of the passage of time between ATLA and TLOK. One small question. What’s with the rigging poles. 

(source)

To be fair, this is a battleship from the British navy, but aesthetically I think we can say this is a fair inspiration. From what I remember while researching the coal fic, the rigging and poles there serve no function. It’s aesthetical. At best, there’s a limited function, but it’s predominantly for aesthetics in the transition into the ships like the Titanic with no rigging at all. 

Which raises my question about WHY ON EARTH?? The Fire Nation navy in ATLA??? Were clearly way past this stage in design? Literally during Sozin’s time too??? Almost two hundred years before this current shot in TLOK? Why would the ship design regress like this??? The Water Tribe ships probably wouldn’t evolve into the designs that Europe used? Earth Kingdom ships would probably be more inspired by East Asian designs which also wouldn’t end up with this system for sails? 

Where does this aesthetic come from. 

IS THAT A CAR. 

....

.......

..........

I am not qualified at all for dissecting the potential social and cultural explanation for the western influenced aesthetics appearing. I am but an ignorant banana, I don’t know shit. 

.......

oooooooh this is going to slowly annoy me isn’t it.......... 

That will be twenty yuans.

[Jaws theme]

The city's huge. I bet we could find a place to rustle up something to eat.

You know, I’ve seen plenty of weird shit in Central Park and around NYC before. Korra, you are so unprepared.  

Are you tired of living under the tyranny of benders? Then join the Equalists!

Oh boy. Let’s.... let’s put a pin in this thought. I’ll come back to it once I know more about what’s going on. Because. This will either be fun. Or I’m going to have to create a second spite fic folder. Please, show, don’t give me reason to create a second spite fic folder. 

On a different note though, I really do love the choices so far for setting up this show’s forward path. There’s no way to mistake this as a rerun of ATLA. This is it’s own separate story and I love that. I really do respect that. The way the different threads are emerging feel really smooth: 1) the impact of Korra’s isolation towards her culture shock in the giant city - which must smell and sound REALLY weird to her; 2) her prodigious talent in the physical, exciting parts of bending meshing with her teenage nature and also clashing with the spiritual parts of being the World Bridge; 3) the absolute hot bed of chaos every part of Republic City must be. 

Kinda funny that people would still have sideburns in the same style as from like. Seventy years ago. Vintage. 

Mr. Chung, please tell me that you have my money, or else I can't guarantee I can protect your fine establishment.

My terrible taste in interests rears its head again. Listen, you cannot imply something like the mafia or the triads exist in universe and not have me immediately ALL OVER THAT. Republic City, you are such a mess. Like, for this alone, I might write a single fic for TLOK that’s just about trash collection and disposal. And corruption. And- 

I am fascinated by the genetics and molecular/cellular biology behind the yellow and white eyes in this universe. 

Police! Freeze where you are!

Bitch what the fuck. How many of these rigid airships are part of the police. Are all of them for the police? Are the police literally patrolling people from the sky? 

Also, that better be helium in those ships instead of hydrogen by this point in time. I’ve already made my post about the fleet of hydrogen ships in Sozin’s Comet. 

How much property damage is being inflicted thanks to these couple minutes. The police just. Stab the brick work. There have got to be so many bitchy lawsuits about that. 

This poor girl’s culture shock. 

HEY I HOPE THAT POLICE OFFICER SWUNG THEMSELF ON A CLOTHLINE, NOT AN ELECTRIC LINE LIKE I FIRST THOUGHT. 

HEY YOU CAN RIP SOMEONE’S SCALP OFF LIKE THAT. 

HEY WHAT IS WITH THIS WHOLE SCENE. 

HOW ARE THEY JUST RIDING ON THOSE WIRES, HOW MUCH TENSION IS IN THAT STUFF. 

HOW DOES THAT ZEPPLIN MOVE THAT FAST AND LIKE. AGILE. 

YALL. 

WHY DOES THE POLICE STATION LOOK LIKE THAT

Well then, why are you treating me like a criminal? Avatar Aang and your mother were friends. They saved the world together.

Oh this bit is fascinating, I love it. It’s only been 18 minutes, but the level of sheer propaganda everywhere trailing after Aang is really cool. There’s so much I want to know now about how Aang got from the end of ATLA, where he probably wasn’t thinking AT ALL about this kind of cult legacy forming around him, to this. 

Lin Beifong’s shut down of Korra’s attempt to use her status as Avatar is great. Just because Korra’s born into this elite role and then locked up and probably pampered in her compound, where everyone is well aware of her status and what it means, it doesn’t mean she gets to strut around with no idea how stuff works or the context behind what she’s seeing and then doing whatever she wants. 

Contrasts, love ‘em. 

On a different note, the design of this room. 

As far as I can tell, it’s a dim, doorless room, which is honestly. Really terrible design. And it says something about the way the Republic City police functions and how that reflects on the chaos of the city itself. 

Putting someone dragged into the police station in a dim room without any door as a sign of a possible escape is just a terrible idea. The only thing you’re going to succeed in is making the person tenser and more belligerent. Your suspect or witness gets more nervous, gets more combative, gets more unreliable in this kind of environment. In turn, the police probably starts feeling more and more entitled to harsher retaliation. Conflict resolution? De-escalation? That really doesn’t look like its in the core of the city police. They’re wearing armor for god’s sake. 

Everything so far in this first impression of the police is really damning about their attitude and Lin Beifong’s leadership. Rather than using a rappel line down from the airships, they damage buildings. In chasing Korra, they further damage property. The armor, this freaking room. The fact that so much about the active police shown so far depends on metalbending, which implies that very few people can join the field police. The fact that for the gang to be so blatantly in the open about their presence and territory, there must be dirty cops on their payroll. 

There has to be so much Lin Beifong hate in this city. 

I have done my best to guide Republic City toward the dream my father had for it, but you're right. It has fallen out of balance since he passed.

If anyone tries convincing me Republic City was ever in “balance” they’re a punk ass liar. I don’t think the city could have ever been in balance, whatever that is. The way it was created, the speed it expanded, the life that must be lived there - balance? Don’t kid me with that propaganda. 

Tenzin could be trying to find a balance alright. I just wonder how many people vehemently disagree with his idea of balance. 

Hello? I'm Korra, your new Avatar.

Well, TLOK is definitely in the era of mass distribution of news and the idea of public sentiment at a level never seen before. This is going to be very interesting for its populist implications, along with other developments regarding politics. 

Oh Korra. Did no one try rehearsing this with you? This is a terrible first impression for you to give to people. 

Also, what is this building. Is this like a city hall? Why is the roof on the building to the side slanted like that. That’s an angle I’d expect from like. Snow concerns. In northern Europe. 

Love that Avatar Aang propaganda. Starting to feel like we’re going to see a lot of it going forward. 

Oh my god, everything about this press briefing (?) is highly concerning. This rampaging teenager suddenly appearing without any warning or announcement. The clear lack of script or practice. The open location just to anyone instead of to a select set of journalists who would be sympathetic/under government control. Lin fucking Beifong and Tenzin being the only people accompanying Korra on the stage. 

What a disaster. 

FINAL THOUGHTS

You know, I’m enjoying this more than I expected to. The general writing is great, the use of visuals and other small details to set the time and place is excellent, the worldbuilding implications are rich in potential. I’m looking forward to exploring where the plot threads introduced so far will lead towards!

[bitter-opal]

Yellowface is Alive and Well in Steven Universe

Ok, so I know this post is going to get a lot of hate, but

Steven Universe treats its POC horribly. Today Is I’ll be talking about the racism towards Asians and Asian-coded characters in the show since I have personal experience with that.

Definitions and Terms:

A quick overview of Yellowface: Yellowface consists of very narrow eyes, buck teeth or tooth gaps, and very yellow skin. This was used as justification to keep Chinese people out of the US using Chinese Exclusion Acts during the 19th century after Chinese immigrants were used to build railroads or clean laundry. It was used as an argument for US imperialism of the Philippines after the Spanish-American War concluded. It was also used as anti-Japanese sentiment to justify the shameful Japanese internment camps of the 1940s.

Remember the episode “Steven’s Dream” where Greg and Steven go to visit Korea. They made an anti-Asian joke. The joke here was that all Asians look the same. Asians have to deal with this kind of shit everyday. That we all look alike or that our cultures are interchangeable. But oh, it gets even worse than that.

Connie: Connie is Southeast Asian. But she constantly gets shunted to the side as Steven’s sidekick. First, Connie is portrayed as a nerd, and although I am a nerd, that is a hint that they would go the stereotypical route. The nerdy Asian is a stereotype used to hold Asians to perfectionistic standards and justify being shunted to the side because we’re “nerds.” In season 2, Pearl conditions her to serve Steven and put her own safety last, which is extremely unhealthy. She’s even called a “pet” by Blue Diamond, which is super racist. A brown kid should never ever be called a pet. And then I see people on Tumblr defending Blue Diamond, but if you want to avoid being racist, awful epithets like this are something to avoid completely. Also, whenever she fuses with Steven into Stevonnie, their fusion is sexualized, which is typical of Asian fetishization (something I have had to deal with unfortunately irl) When she is rightfully upset at Steven, her concerns and feelings are considered non-issues. Why? Because she’s a POC and POC don’t matter in Steven Universe.

Lars: just everything about his character was done completely wrong by the crew. Lars has always been colored orange on the show, which is pretty weird unless you contextualize it as another form of racism. If they were going for tan, then the tan they did was really shitty. Lars is implied to be Filipino based on the dish he makes right before he gets kidnapped. His dish ends up thrown in the trash out of shame, which is a big old middle finger to Asian culture and food. He’s portrayed as a jerk before he gets kidnapped. He’s the only human character to explicitly die...Apparently the only way an Asian character is good is if they die for the white hero and/or get their skin turned much, much lighter. And then, Steven leaves him stranded in space. Like hell, this kid had a very high chance of dying again, and you fucking left him?! But if it was your racist Uncle Andy, I’m sure you wouldn’t leave him behind. That is pure racism. But here’s what really shocked me to the core:

Blatant Yellowface with Jade: This one may require some historical context since many people think that it’s impossible in modern day cartoons, but I see it on a regular basis. Yellowface is defined above. Can you figure out what’s wrong here? Hint: It’s the facial features of the fusion. Neither of Jade’s components have the features of the fusion: specifically the tooth gap and the “slanted eyes.” Jade is also stereotypically associated with East Asian cultures especially China. When using such a culturally charged gemstone, you need to make sure that you’re not being racist about it. This is what the crewinverse failed to do. They gave the fusion “slanted” eyes and a tooth gap even though a quick Internet search says this screams Yellowface. This blatant example of Yellowface is not talked about a lot and I wished to draw more attention to this extremely problematic depiction. When I watched the episode that night, that shit seriously traumatized me. It made me stop watching the show for any kind of pleasure because a show that shows this much disrespect and mockery of Asians does not deserve my viewership.

Conclusion: This kind of racist motherfuckery by the show is extremely upsetting especially to kids who grew up in racist or intolerant environments. All the time, Asians are often considered foreign even if they were born and/or raised here. Asians are often fetishized, which often leads to sexual harassment and/or assault. Just because something claims to be “progressive” or “racially diverse” does not mean it is unproblematic or anti-racist. Because this allegedly progressive cartoon committed at least 4 majorly racist acts against just Asian people..

[cmfrtlvls]

Elizabeth Melsom Okamoto

Basic Background 

1996 Born in England and raised in Australia Mixed parentage Japanese Australian.

I just finished university, I decided to take a gap year to travel a bit before I started work. The main place I wanted to visit was Japan. The reason why I chose Japan is mainly because I wanted to improve my language skills. Which I actually have not done very much of, at all, but it’s been very rewarding in other ways.　

Knowing that everyone has a different upbringing, how is it like growing up in Australia being half and half?

For me it has never really an important part of my identity, being Japanese. Like maybe in primary school, every now and then people pointed out that I was Asian, but I definitely never felt Asian. Melbourne is such a multi cultural city and so by High School, a lot of my friends were Asian Australians. 

It was never a big deal. I never really felt all that Japanese. 

When I was younger, my Australian dad was mainly bringing us up, my Japanese mom worked really long hours and because of that I pretty much got only an Australian influence in my life. We didn’t really eat Japanese food, obviously I never learnt Japanese, or partake in any Japanese traditions, or anything like that. I was very much an Australian child.

I’m not too sure why it was like that, if she [my mum] made the decision to bring us up like that. She has said to me before that she made the decision to not teach us Japanese because she thought it might hold us back from some future opportunities in Australia if we become too Japanese. But she only told me that recently, so I don’t know if she is trying to justify her decision now, to a certain extent. I know that she wanted me to have as many opportunities as possible as an Australian. For me, now, it is a little bit disappointing that I was never exposed to my cultural identity when I was younger. 

How do you feel now that you are finally in Japan? 

It’s been more rewarding than I thought it would be. I never thought it would make me think differently about who I was, or anything like that. I understand my mum a lot more and her mannerisms, her character, because I see so much of that in the Japanese people I know here. 

It’s been eye opening in that sense. I do feel comfortable here, more than I thought it would. Obviously I am still an outsider, Japanese people don’t see me as a Japanese in any way, and I don’t either.  Despite that I still feel like I belong here in a way, as cheesy as it sounds. 

Do you feel a sense of belonging in Japan and Australia, both ways?  Did you have a “I don’t belong here!” moment anywhere?

I’m not patriotic about Australia at all. I don’t resent Australia, but I’m not proud to be Australian for a lot of historical reasons I am not going to go into. I never thought I didn’t belong in that country, but it was just never an important part of who I am. 

Never felt conflicted about nationality? 

Not really, no, it was never really an important part of my identity. I’ve always wanted to travel and live overseas. My nationality has never really played a part of my life. I don’t feel sentimental towards Australia.  

I’m not confused, I’m not in a conflict with myself. Rather I am figuring out how I feel about everything, living in Japan, and it’s not the easiest thing to put into words yet. 

Does this conversation make you feel…? haha

I am open to talk about these things, I just don’t know if I am clear headed in how I feel about all of it. So I am working through how I feel about being Australian, Japanese. If you asked these same questions 6 months ago I would have said “nah I am Australian. I don’t see myself as Japanese at all.” 

I don’t feel like I’m fighting, but I’m learning. I have never felt the need to take any action about being Japanese in my life. I didn’t have to make any decisions based on my ethnicity or anything like that.

Now that I have been here for a while and I have seen myself, not necessarily more Japanese, but I do understand that part of myself a bit more. It’s still a work in progress.

Is there “what if’s?”

Yeah! I would love to live in Japan, but because of the language barrier, I don’t think I’ll ever be accepted as Japanese. I’m sure you can empathize with that [Chiharu]. I’ll always be something of an expat living in Japan. Unless I could nail the language I think that’s all I’ll ever be. I’ll stand out regardless. I won’t be able to conform that easily in a Japanese society. Having said that I would love to come back to Japan to live here, if the opportunities arise. 

What are the perks of living in Japan?

It’s just nice to be in a country that is so different from what I have been brought up in, and yet I feel really comfortable. Almost the sense of it’s okay, I don’t want to say entitlement, to be who I am [being half Japanese], but I know I wouldn’t feel as confident living overseas by myself if it wasn’t in Japan. It’s so different, but it’s comfortable, it’s easy, it makes sense. 

Any positive or negative side to living in Australia?

I am super lucky to live in Australia, I have had a privileged upbringing. Mostly it’s been really positive. But obviously Australia is isolated from the rest of the world, I don’t love that aspect of it. Australia is a massive country but also an island, it’s not part of Asia, not part of Europe or America, it’s kind of its own continent in Oceania. Because of that, you have to make an effort to learn about the world. You need to read about it or watch a documentary in order to educate yourself, or you don’t really learn that much about the world otherwise. I’ve always been curious about traveling and the other countries, so that has been a draw back in Australia. 

You mention that where you are from is very multicultural. Would you say that Japan is multicultural as well?

Melbourne is very multicultural, and some of the other major cities in Australia are multicultural as well. I wouldn't say that’s true of the whole of Victoria, but my experience is that Australia is very multicultural because Melbourne is where I have always lived. Japan, I don’t think is as multicultural. If you are a foreigner, you get stared at, so you might start to feel like there may not be as many foreigners here. Even though I’m half Japanese, I look more caucasian than Asian, and so I get stared at like a foreigner. 

Do you think you would stand out in other parts of the world? 

I have done a bit of travelling around Asia, but I haven’t really been to that many other western countries in Europe or America, so I don’t really know yet. My impression is that I wouldn’t stand out as much, but I might be naive. 

Do you see yourself staying in Japan long term?

No plans yet. It’s hard, my career has set me in Australia for the near future, but I don’t want that to be my forever. I would like to live overseas. I‘d like to live in Japan because I see it as something doable for me with my citizenship here. But I think I would be happy to live in any other country as well. I definitely don’t want to live in Australia my whole life. 

Do you think you think you can define home right now?

Home is Melbourne because that’s where my family, my partner, my friends are, and my whole life. At the same time I don’t feel that attached to Australia. I’m also really happy when I’m overseas, I can see myself building something I guess, even if it seems ambitious now. I could make it home.  This is the first time I have lived overseas, so I can’t really say for sure, but that’s the feeling I get. 

What is your plan after Japan?

Well, yeah. I have to go back and work in 8 months’ time in corporate law as a graduate. This is the first time I will work in this industry, seriously, full time. So for a year and a half I’ll be stuck (no i shouldn’t say that *laughs*) I will be stationed in Melbourne.  After that I’m hoping that I can move to another location so I will be grabbing whatever opportunity I can take. But no concrete plans yet, I definitely need to have a lot of discussions with people when I get home.  

[the-end-of-art]

A negative peace

Asian American Complicity in Racism by Larry Lin at Reformed Margins

I moved to Baltimore in August 2013. Prior to that time, I was pretty ignorant of the African American experience. I had read Uncle Tom’s Cabin in school, and I remember that making a strong impression on me. I was also a bit of a history nerd, so I had read up a little bit on the slave trade, Reconstruction, and Jim Crow.

But I don’t think I ever had a substantial conversation with someone who was black about race before.

Within a few months of moving to Baltimore (which is a majority-black city), I became friends with a guy named Mani. Mani was an African American born and raised in Baltimore, and we would hang out to talk about faith and make music. The first time I went over to his apartment, I remember noticing three things.

The first was a picture of Martin Luther King, Jr. The second was a picture of Malcolm X. And the third was a bag of Skittles and a soda can on the coffee table.

Every time I would go over, I would always notice those three things. Perhaps the third or fourth time at his place, I asked Mani why he always had snacks on the coffee table. He replied with a voice of resolve, “That’s what Trayvon Martin was holding when he was shot.”

When I heard that, my first thought was, “Travyon Martin… that name sounds familiar. When I get home, I need to look that name up.” Of course, I was too embarrassed to say that out loud. I didn’t want Mani to know that I was so ignorant. But right then and there, I realized that there was a vast difference between my experience as an Asian American and Mani’s experience as an African American.

So over the next several years, as I got to know Mani more, I decided to read up on what it was like to be black in America today. I explored the criminal justice system, the prison system, police violence, infant mortality, social mobility, wealth distribution, college enrollment, etc., and I slowly became more and more aware of the structural disadvantages that continually plague African Americans in our country. Additionally, the more I learned, the more shocked I was at how ignorant I was before.

Meanwhile, I watched with the rest of the world as the lives of Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Walter Scott, Freddie Gray, Philando Castile, Botham Jean, Atatiana Jefferson, and Ahmaud Arbery were taken away.

This week, yet another life was taken away: George Floyd. I watched the video of the incident on Tuesday, and once again I was horrified to see another death of a black human being.

But with this video, there was something else that disturbed me too. While the white officer was pinning down Floyd’s neck with his knee, an Asian officer was standing by in silence, and even at times preventing protestors from intervening.

To me, it was the perfect representation of Asian American complicity in racism.

I acknowledge that there have been Asian Americans throughout history who have fought alongside their African American neighbors against racism. However, they have been far outnumbered by Asian Americans who have chosen to be ignorant at best or complicit at worst in their racism.

There are many complex historical and cultural reasons for this Asian American status quo, and it would take forever to address them all. We can talk about the fact that many Asians value harmony and sacrifice, even at the expense of integrity and justice. We can talk about the fact that many Asian immigrants come from countries where there are dictators, and where political advocacy results in imprisonment or death.

But the fact remains: too often, Asian Americans have chosen to side with the white racist over the black victim.

Much of the national conversation on race has focused on the relationship between whites and blacks. As a result, Asians are often found in the messy middle. However, most Asians don’t want to be in the middle. Even though we have also experienced a long history of racial discrimination at the hands of our white neighbors, many of us still see assimilation into white culture as our path to fulfilling the American dream. And so we work hard, we study hard, we don’t ruffle any feathers, and we continue to live up to our status of the model minority (which has been granted to us largely at the expense of African Americans).

We Asian Americans might not say it out loud, but many of us have internalized a racist, reductionist history. We believe that the way to success is to work hard, and we pride ourselves in having done just that. We came to this country with nothing, speaking a foreign language, and we worked hard, saved money, and we achieved the American dream. And so when we look at the status of African Americans, we dismissively assume that they didn’t work as hard as we did, and we just conclude that only they are to blame.

Unfortunately, this narrative has driven Asian Americans to be at political and social odds with African Americans. This division is most apparent in conversations about affirmative action, which has become the defining political issue for many Asian Americans. In many universities, Asian Americans are overrepresented in college admissions while African Americans are underrepresented, so affirmative action works against Asian Americans but for African Americans.

This political division is highlighted in events like the LA Riots, in which predominantly African American rioters caused significant damage in predominantly Asian-American-owned stores, and the shooting of Akai Gurley, in which an Asian American police officer accidentally shot and killed an African American.

However, this narrative is a very incomplete picture. What many Asian Americans fail to realize is that our success is largely built on the backs of African Americans themselves. After all, if African American slavery did not exist, the United States may not have been such a desirable country to immigrate to. It was through the enslavement of African Americans that American prosperity was built in the first place. Additionally, if it wasn’t for the generations of African Americans fighting for their rights before most of us ever arrived, it is possible that Asian Americans would not have been as easily accepted here as well. In many ways, African Americans laid the path for other ethnic minorities to come to America too.

The reality is that we Asian Americans have unknowingly reaped from the sufferings of our fellow African Americans. The least we can do is stand with them as they continue to suffer.

Perhaps some of us, like my former self, are willing to admit that we are uninformed or uneducated about the African American experience, but we argue that that doesn’t make us complicit in racism. We are not actually killing anybody, we might say. However, sometimes it is precisely the inaction of the bystanders that perpetuates societal racism.

Martin Luther King, Jr. once wrote in his Letter from Birmingham Jail,

…I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro’s great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen’s Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to “order” than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: “I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action”; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man’s freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a “more convenient season.” Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.

Here King describes “the white moderate” of his day—those of “shallow understanding” who are “more devoted to ‘order’ than to justice,” who prefer a “negative peace” over “the presence of justice.” What an apt description of so many Asian Americans today.

A similar sentiment is expressed in James 2:1-7,

My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him? But you have dishonored the poor man. Are not the rich the ones who oppress you, and the ones who drag you into court? Are they not the ones who blaspheme the honorable name by which you were called?

“We are not actively harming the poor,” we may say, but doesn’t our partiality for the rich perpetuate the inequality between the rich and the poor?

I believe the same principle can be applied to race. Many Asian Americans have shown partiality by honoring their white neighbors while dishonoring their black neighbors. Doesn’t our partiality for those who are white perpetuate the inequality between whites and blacks?

I confess that I, like the Asian American officer at the scene of George Floyd’s death, have been a part of the problem. For much of my life, I was complicit in my racism toward African Americans, and I was completely oblivious to that racism. I was more devoted to order than to justice. I sought to honor the powerful, not realizing that doing so was dishonoring the powerless. But that is not the biblical way. James writes, “Are not the rich the ones who oppress you, and the ones who drag you into court?” I would also add, “Are not the people who are racist against African Americans also racist against Asian Americans as well?”

I don’t want to be ignorant anymore. I don’t want to be silent anymore. I don’t want to be complicit anymore.

Fellow Asian Americans, let’s stop defending the racism in our culture. Let’s stand in solidarity with our African American neighbors.

(https://reformedmargins.com/asian-american-complicity-in-racism/)

[newstfionline]

Headlines

Historic blast of polar vortex sets scores of records, scatters rare May snow in Eastern U.S. (Washington Post) A blast of Arctic air marched south across the eastern Lower 48 to start the weekend, bringing winterlike temperatures to millions of people and even a confetti of snowflakes. Records fell like dominoes as the icy air mass spilled south, first lapping at the Midwest before surging all the way east to the Atlantic. It’s one of the most prolific late-season cold outbreaks on record, thanks to a piece of the low-altitude polar vortex breaking off and meandering uncharacteristically far south. From Texas to Maine, record lows for May 9 fell in every state in the eastern half of the Lower 48 north of Florida. Several locations also registered their lowest May temperatures ever recorded and coldest weather this late in the season. Lows dipped into the 20s in 20 states.

A distinct possibility: ‘Temporary’ layoffs may be permanent (AP) In late March, Britney Ruby Miller, co-owner of a small chain of steakhouse restaurants, confidently proclaimed that once the viral outbreak had subsided, her company planned to recall all its laid-off workers. Now? Miller would be thrilled to eventually restore three-quarters of the roughly 600 workers her company had to let go. “I’m being realistic,” she said. “Bringing back 75% of our staff would be incredible.” Call it realism or pessimism, but more employers are coming to a reluctant conclusion: Many of the employees they’ve had to lay off in the face of the pandemic might not be returning to their old jobs anytime soon. Some large companies won’t have enough customers to justify it. And some small businesses won’t likely survive at all despite aid provided by the federal government.

One-Third of All U.S. Coronavirus Deaths Are Nursing Home Residents or Workers (NYT) At least 27,600 residents and workers have died from the coronavirus at nursing homes and other long-term care facilities for older adults in the United States, according to a New York Times database. The virus so far has infected more than 150,000 at some 7,700 facilities. Nursing home populations are at a high risk of being infected by—and dying from—the coronavirus, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Covid-19, the disease caused by the coronavirus, is known to be particularly lethal to older adults with underlying health conditions, and can spread more easily through congregate facilities, where many people live in a confined environment and workers move from room to room. While just 11 percent of the country’s cases have occurred in long-term care facilities, deaths related to Covid-19 in these facilities account for more than a third of the country’s pandemic fatalities.

Coronavirus shuts the Mexican beer industry down, and the country is running dry (Washington Post) During the bone-dry days of Prohibition, Americans slipped over the border to guzzle beer in Mexico. A century later, Mexican towns are the ones going dry. The government has largely shut down beer production, saying that it is not essential during the country’s coronavirus outbreak. The last bottles of Tecate, Corona, Modelo Especial and Dos Equis for Mexican consumption rolled off the lines in early April. “Many people are desperately searching for beer,” said Raúl Funes, the head of a craft-brew association in Tijuana, just south of San Diego. “It’s like toilet paper.”

The red flags of Colombia (Washington Post) When the food supply at the community shelter had dwindled to a single package of Swiss chard, Robinson Álvarez Monroy stepped outside and hung a red scarf. Across Colombia, the red flag—or scarf, or towel, or T-shirt—has come to symbolize an urgent need for assistance. It’s a cry for help. In some places, the scarf, towel, or T-shirt has been waving for more than a month. Colombia had reported more than 10,000 cases of the coronavirus and 420 deaths as of Friday night, far fewer than South American neighbors Peru, Ecuador and Brazil. But lockdowns have devastated the region’s fragile economy, and the informal laborers who must work to eat. People in the slums say help comes from those who see the flags and stop to give them food.

Pandemic shows contrasts between US, European safety nets (AP) The coronavirus pandemic is straining social safety nets across the globe—and underlining sharp differences in approach between wealthy societies such as the United States and Europe. In Europe, the collapse in business activity is triggering wage support programs that are keeping millions on the job, for now. In contrast, in the United States more than 33.5 million people have applied for jobless benefits and the unemployment rate has soared to 14.7%. Congress has passed $2 trillion in emergency support, boosting jobless benefits and writing stimulus checks of up to $1,200 per taxpayer. That is a pattern seen in earlier economic downturns, particularly the global financial crisis and the Great Recession. Europe depends on existing programs kicking in that pump money into people’s pockets. The U.S., on the other hand, relies on Congress taking action by passing emergency stimulus programs. Economist Andre Sapir, a senior fellow at the Bruegel research institute in Brussels, said budget policy in the U.S. plays partly the role that Europe’s welfare system plays because the American welfare system is less generous and a recession can be much harsher on workers.

French parents anguish over sending children back to school (AP) As France prepares to start letting public life resume after eight weeks under a coronavirus lockdown, many parents are deeply torn over a question without a clear or correct answer: Should I send my child back to school? Due to the slow startup, as well as ongoing fears about COVID-19 in hard-hit France, school attendance will not be compulsory right away. Parents and guardians may keep children at home and teachers will provide lessons like they have during the nationwide lockdown. Returning students will find their classrooms running differently. Teachers will wear masks and remind children to social distance from each other and to wash their hands several times a day.

Italy has long been Europe’s wild card. The coronavirus has upped the risk. (Washington Post) After two months of ambulance sirens, mourning and isolation, this is the damage report from Italy: The novel coronavirus death toll has surpassed 30,000. The country is hurtling into its steepest recession in modern times. Tourism has gone bust. Many restaurants and shops lack the cash to ever reopen. The government’s brittle finances are becoming ever more stretched. All the while, many Italians feel embittered and alienated. They are disappointed in the continent’s early response to the pandemic and its fallout. Anti-European sentiment has spiked. So has the uncertainty about what might happen next in Italy’s topsy-turvy politics. Even before it was hit by one of the world’s deadliest outbreaks, Italy was seen as the wild card of Western Europe—flirting on-and-off with populism, sometimes seeming to be only one mismanaged crisis away from becoming the continent’s next Brexit or Greek-style debt disaster. Now that crisis has arrived, and what hangs in the balance is not just Italy’s stability but that of Europe, as well.

In Japan, pandemic brings outbreaks of bullying, ostracism (AP) The coronavirus in Japan has brought not just an epidemic of infections, but also an onslaught of bullying and discrimination against the sick, their families and health workers. A government campaign to raise awareness seems to be helping, at least for medical workers. But it’s made only limited headway in countering the harassment and shunning that may be discouraging people from seeking testing and care and hindering the battle against the pandemic. Apart from fear of infection, experts say the prejudice against those even indirectly associated with the illness also stems from deeply rooted ideas about purity and cleanliness in a culture that rejects anything deemed to be alien, unclean or troublesome. Medical workers risking their lives to care for patients are a main target, but people working at grocery stores, delivering parcels and carrying out other essential jobs also are facing harassment. So are their family members.

Infections rise in Asia (AP) China and South Korea reported new spikes Sunday in coronavirus cases, setting off fresh concerns in countries where outbreaks had been in dramatic decline, and new protests against pandemic restrictions erupted in Germany despite the easing of many lockdowns in Europe. Worldwide, health officials are anxiously watching to see just how much infection rates rise in a second wave as nations and states emerge from varying degrees of lockdown. Later Sunday, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was expected to take a different tack, keeping most restrictions in place as he reveals a ‘road map’ for the future of the country that has the most official virus deaths in Europe at over 31,600.

Virus Forces Persian Gulf States to Reckon With Migrant Labor (NYT) The Kuwaiti talk show panelists were holding forth on an issue that the coronavirus has pushed to the forefront of national debate: whether their tiny, oil-rich monarchy should rely as heavily as it does on foreign laborers, who have suffered most of the country’s infections and borne much of the cost of its lockdown. “Go to malls in Kuwait—would you ever see a Kuwaiti working there?” said one guest, Ahmad Baqer. “No. They’re all different nationalities.” Not long after, a South Asian man slipped into the camera frame, serving tea to each panelist from a tray. He appeared three times during the program, his presence unacknowledged except by one panelist who waved away a fresh cup. In the Middle East’s wealthiest societies, the machinery of daily life depends on migrant laborers from Asia, Africa and poorer Arab countries—millions of “tea boys,” housemaids, doctors, construction workers, deliverymen, chefs, garbagemen, guards, hairdressers, hoteliers and more, who often outnumber the native population. They support families back home by doing the jobs citizens cannot or will not take. But as oil revenues plummet, migrant labor camps become coronavirus hot spots and citizens demand that their governments protect them first, the pandemic has prompted a reckoning with the status quo. “The two things that Gulf countries depend on the most, oil prices and foreign workers, these two have been hard hit with the coronavirus,” said Eman Alhussein, a fellow at the Arab Gulf States Institute in Washington. “The coronavirus has unleashed all these issues that have been put on the back burner for a long time.”

South Africa’s alcohol ban during lockdown reveals its deadly drinking habits (Washington Post) South Africa has taken some of the most drastic measures in the world to curtail the spread of the novel coronavirus, but one has generated fierce debate like no other: a ban on the sale, and even transport, of alcohol. On one side: drinkers who say their rights are being impinged on and bottle shop owners and liquor companies that are going broke. On the other: a public health system that is unburdened by thousands of monthly hospitalizations resulting from accidents and violence attributed to drunkenness. More than 5,000 fewer admissions to trauma units per week can be attributed to the alcohol ban, according to Charles Parry, director of alcohol research at the South African Medical Research Council. The council’s data also shows a decrease in excess deaths in South Africa, suggesting that the lockdown, with its alcohol ban and decrease in vehicle use, may have saved the lives of more South Africans than the 186 that the coronavirus is confirmed to have killed so far. “Instead of patching people up with stabbing wounds, nurses can focus on training how to handle covid cases,” Parry said, referencing covid-19, the disease caused by the coronavirus. “Based on our model, at least 15 people who would have otherwise died from alcohol-related traumas are being saved every single day.”

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

Kdramas mean so much cause they’re good AND they have Asians

you have no idea what that means to a born, raised, and hasn’t even left the philippines, filipina who’s spent most her life obsessed with western media and content

this is just me poring my asian heart out over finally seeing so much asians be awesome onscreen. saranghae and mahal ko kayong lahat <3333

Before i now have to come back to my unfortunately regularly scheduled programming of primarily gushing about western fandoms, i’d just like to take this brief time to talk about how much discovering and finally garnering an appreciation for kdramas means to me

kdramas are popular in my country. while most girls were gushing about oppas, i was the weirdo binging the arrowverse, GOT, grey’s anatomy, doctor who, and various american sticoms and animated series

it kinda made me bitter tbh haha. like, WHY DIDNT THEY LIKE THE STUFF I LIKED? or, WHY DIDNT I LIKE THE STUFF THEY LIKED?

so, i kind of knowingly unfairly decided kdramas sucked ass and were lame and basic and said screw them, the stuffed i watched was AWESOME

and for some part, the sentence i said is still true. kdramas still have a lameness to them and i still really like adore and appreciate the western fandoms i dove into over the years

but, it’s been a hell of a long time since i was only watching a handful of shows. i am now an older fangirl, who’s been through bad runs and writing, cancellations, series finales, and just overally ass suckery in the fandom business

i’ve been through a lot, and frankly, ever since Crazy Rich Asians, Crazy-Ex Girlfriend and maybe Colleen Wing in Iron Fist S2, i just realized how rewarding and awesome it was to see asian culture, cultures very similar to mine, portrayed on screen

it was so awesome to see a badass adorable cute awesome and truly heroic asian woman portrayed in colleen wing by jessica henwick

this newfound appreciation for asian content also made me appreciate Mulan, a classic childhood favorite of mine already, and Melinda May from AOS even further.

as my newfound asian appreciation grew, the more i got sick from seeing the same ol non-asian protagonists in the media i consumed

so, yes, i still very much care about the fandoms i’ve had for some time now. they’re the same old tired non-asian characters i’ve always spent my time with, so i still feel sentimental about them. we have history, for pete’s sake.

but like i said, they’re old and tired and the same damn thing i’ve watched for the past decade and more of my life.

which could be why all this asian representation is just hitting me right in the feels. you truly never know how much representation matters until it happens. and you just... feel it. the joy of seeing yourself on screen. it’s like, you’re finally being seen for who you are.

it just gets me, you know?

so, yes, i am loving all of the representation that we are now getting more and more of. however, the real true reason that i was driven to talk about this just before i go back to what is sadly my normal blog activity (western fandoms, that is), i just wanna highlight over and over and over again that asian content means so effing much to me and i’m really bummed it isn’t what’s normal on my blog, or that it isn’t as popular as what i usually post about

and that annoys the hell out of me, that kdramas are actually pretty and really good (REALLY REALLY EXCELLENT, imo, in cloy’s case), but they aren’t being given the love and adoration it deserves. especially since asian representation matters so much to me. seeing asians be just as cool and badass and gorgeous and awesome as other non-asians but less appreciated bums the frick out of me.

of course i get that the content is quite different. kdramas tend to be more extreme or lean more into character types while western content tends to be more subtle and chill and casual. and there’s the language barrier. so yes, believe me when i say, I GET IT. i understand why most people don’t get into it.

i’m just here as a filipino fangirl pleading the case of kdramas, proposing they’re just as good and imperfect as western media. they’re both good and bad in their own ways.

i wished i talked more about asian content in this blog, i’m bummed that i’m gonna stop rn cus the western content that keeps popping up on my radar is piling up and i want to get rid of em all and have a clean slate.

so for now, i want to leave this post at the very top of my blog for maybe a couple of days since i just want to emphasize that kdramas and asian content mean a lot to me. i wish i could talk about them more, but i also want to share some stuff regarding some of my older fandoms. i am doing this cause i want to say that asian content deserves as much of my time as western content does. i am writing this to say that i still very much care about kdramas to a more meaningful extent than any other fandom i’ve recently joined because they make me proud to be asian.

i am planning to talk about them more some time in the future, but for now, it’s time for a clean slate. im gonna start posting about western fandoms for a bit again. it bums me out they’re the majority of what i automatically see in tumblr but i still feel i have to share em since they’re still good content nevertheless.

asian content matters so much to me, but for now, back to my ol fandoms. i’ll return to kdramas once again tho. i’ll be back. i have to. ( ≧Д≦)( ≧Д≦)( ≧Д≦)ಥ_ಥ

[synkiller82]

Collapse Into Me Chapter 10 - Address

Adrien waited nervously in his room.  Viktor had just left to pick Marinette up, and Adrien couldn’t wait to see her. While he was confident she would impress his father, there was that small voice in the back of his mind that told him he was about to lose yet another friend at his father’s hand.  He heard the front door open, and went downstairs to meet their guest.

Viktor was closing the door behind Marinette and taking her coat when Adrien arrived.  She was dressed in a traditional oriental dress paired with flats made from the same fabric.  Her makeup was delicate, and her hair was pulled into a chignon.  She looked absolutely stunning as she walked toward him.

“Good evening, Ms. Dupain-Cheng.  Welcome to our home.”  Both teens turned to see Gabriel standing at the top of the stairs.

Marinette bowed slightly. “Good evening, Mr. Agreste.  Thank you for inviting me.  It is truly an honor.”

“The honor is ours.” Gabriel replied with a polite bow of his head as he descended the stairs. “Shall we progress to the dining room?”

“You look great,” Adrien whispered to Marinette as he fell in behind his father.

“Thanks,” she returned nervously.  She admired Adrien’s charcoal grey suit, which he had paired with a hunter green dress shirt and black tie.  “You look good, too.”

“Thank you.”  Adrien whispered as they arrived at the table.  Adrien pulled Marinette’s chair out and made sure she was settled before taking his seat on the other side of the table.  Gabriel was in between them at the head of the table.

“Ms. Dupain-Cheng, that is a lovely name.  May I ask why your last name is hyphenated?  It is quite unusual.”  Gabriel looked over at the young woman as their water was poured and salads brought out.

“My mother never took my father’s last name, as is Chinese tradition, so they decided to combine their last names when I was born.”

“I see.  Tradition is important in your family then?”

“Yes.  We celebrate important days on both the French and Chinese calendars,” Marinette answered, wondering where this line of questioning was going.

“Have they owned their business long?”

“They have owned it for over 20 years.  My father worked in my grandfather’s bakery when he was growing up and decided he wanted to continue the family business when he and Maman moved to Paris.”

“Neither of your parents are from Paris?”

“No, sir.  Maman spent most of her youth in China, but a job opportunity brought her family to Provins, where Papa was born and raised. They spent a lot of time together, being the children of a chef and a baker.  When they got married, my parents moved to Paris to open the bakery.”

Gabriel nodded, but said nothing, cataloging the information to be dissected later.  Nothing she had said thus far was cause for concern, other than the fact that they were in a different social circle.

“I hear their bakery is the best in Paris.  I would tend to agree.”  When Marinette gave him a quizzical look, he added, “My wife would often visit their bakery for fresh bread when she was still here.”

Marinette nodded.  “I am sorry to hear about your wife, Mr. Agreste.” She looked over to Adrien and gave him a compassionate look, which he returned with a small smile.

Gabriel nodded. “Thank you for your sentiment. All hope is not lost for her return.”

Marinette decided to move the conversation to less sensitive topic.  “May I ask why you decided to go into fashion, Mr. Agreste?”

Gabriel glanced from his meal to his guest.  “I always had a passion for art, and my original career choice was to be an artist. When I was about your age, I was sitting in a park when a beautiful woman passed by.  I was truly inspired by her grace and elegance.  I wanted to create something that matched her beauty and designed my first gown.”  Gabriel was staring off into the distance with a fond smile on his face.  “I asked a seamstress friend of mine to make the gown once I purchased the supplies.  I waited in that park for days hoping the woman would pass by.  On the fourth day, I saw her and presented the gown to her. We were inseparable after that, even going to the same university so I could study fashion design while she studied acting and business.  We were married shortly after graduating university, on the same date that we met.” Gabriel turned his full attention to her, as if seeing her for the first time.  “Speaking of which, that is an interesting ensemble, Ms. Dupain-Cheng.  Did you design it?”

“Yes.  I designed the dress, as well as the fabric.”  Marinette answered confidently.  “My Maman sent copies of the silk design I had drawn to her family in China, and they sent it last month.  I had the shoes were made by a local cobbler.”

“I think it looks fantastic!” Adrien interjected into the conversation that felt more like an interrogation.  Hoping to talk up her talents, he added.  “You should see her sketchbook, Father.  Her talents have really improved since the derby hat competition.”

“Maybe another day.” Gabriel mused, turning his attention back from his son to Marinette.  “What was your inspiration?”

“I wanted to create something that was a fusion of my dual heritage.  While the dress has an Asian influence, the flowers printed on the fabric are the national flowers of France and China.  The ballet flats are made with the Chinese silk, combining eastern and western styles.”

Adrien listened intently to her explanation, sliding glances over to his father to see if he was as impressed by her talent as Adrien was.  “That’s wonderful!  Wouldn’t you agree, Father?”

“I do.”  Gabriel took another bite of his meal before focusing again on Marinette.  “You said you received the fabric from family?”

“I did, sir.  Maman’s family still lives in China, and her sister knows someone who prints textiles, so they were able to have it made as a gift for my birthday this year.”

“That was really nice of them,” Adrien whispered.

Marinette watched as a sad expression crossed Gabriel’s face before his mask slid back.  Before she could question him about it, Gabriel changed the subject.

“Are you planning on interning with any of the fashion houses here in Paris over the summer?”

Marinette looked up as she placed her utensils down, finished with her entrée.  “I was considering applying for a few of the internship programs. I am not going to pin my hopes on them, though.”

“Do you not believe your talents are superior enough to receive one?”

“I wouldn’t be so boastful as to say that.  I believe the experience would help sharpen and hone my talents.   However, they are typically given to university and senior lycée students.  I am content to apply for them to get my name out there and continue to work on my own until I receive one.”

“I look forward to seeing your portfolio on my desk shortly,” Gabriel noted as the dinner plates were removed and dessert was presented.

“You will be disappointed then, sir.”  Marinette stated plainly, causing both men to look up at her as she sipped her water. “I will not be applying for an internship with your company.”

“Marinette…” Adrien gasped. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Why not?”

“Integrity.  The same reason I turned down Mrs. Bourgeois’ invitation to New York two years ago after the fashion show with the derby hat.”

Gabriel was intrigued. “I am not quite sure I understand your answer.  It would be a wonderful opportunity to work under any of my designers.”

“I’m sure it would be.” Marinette countered.  “But I want to get into this industry on my own merit, not because I rode the Agreste coattails.  I am not Adrien’s friend for the benefits.”

Adrien’s heart burst with affection for this girl.  She was one of the first people to like him for him, not because he was an Agreste or a model or rich, and she had just told his father that.  Could she get any better?

“Then why are you friends with my son?”

Marinette turned to look at Adrien.  “Adrien is kind, thoughtful, and intelligent.  He surprises me every day with how much love and kindness he has to give. He is faithful to his friends and sees the best in everyone he meets.”  She smiled and turned to Gabriel with an intensity in her eyes that could cut steel.  “Your son is more than just a pretty face to put on magazines and billboards.”

Adrien’s mouth fell open at the blatant jab at his father.  Did she really just say that to the man who could blacklist her from her chosen industry?  Did she understand that their friendship was on the line?  He closed his mouth and dared a look at his father to see his reaction.

Gabriel was thrown off balance.  He was used to having people submit before him, including his son.  Nathalie was the only one who occasionally stood up to him. Marinette was a force to be reckoned with, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to keep her close or send her far away.

“I see,” Gabriel responded as the dishes were cleared.  “I will take your comment into consideration.  For now, why don’t the two of you retire to Adrien’s room?  He has his piano practice, however, I’m sure he would appreciate the company tonight.”

Adrien didn’t think he could be more surprised by the events of the evening.  He was sure that Marinette would be forbidden from entering the house again after a comment like that.  He was still worried it could happen, but he wasn’t going to look this gift horse in the mouth.  “I would. Thank you, Father.”

Marinette nodded. “That would be wonderful.  Thank you, Mr. Agreste.  The meal was lovely, as was the conversation.”

“The pleasure was all mine, I assure you.”  Gabriel replied.  “If you will excuse me, I must return to my office.”

Marinette walked into Adrien’s room, confused when she didn’t see his piano.  She was about to ask where it had gone, when she remembered she had only been here as Ladybug and wouldn't know that he had a piano in his room in the first place. She decided to play dumb, as if assuming the piano might be located elsewhere in the house. "Why are we in your room if you're supposed to be practicing the piano?"

Adrien grinned as he pushed a button on his remote and the grand piano appeared from the floor.  He giggled at Marinette’s expression as her eyes widened and her lips formed an ‘o’ of wonder.  “What can I say, Father is eccentric.”

Marinette giggled at his eye roll.  “What are you going to be playing today?”

“I’m supposed to be practicing pieces by Bach and Chopin, but I’m not really in the mood for either.” He admitted as he sat on the bench, motioning for her to sit in his computer chair.

“What are you in the mood to play?” She asked, listening to his warm-up sequence of chords and arpeggios.

“Do you any requests?” He turned to see her shake her head.  He grinned and started playing.  It was a beautiful, upbeat song that Marinette recognized.

“This is from Howl’s Moving Castle,” she whispered, not wanting to disturb his playing.

“Yep,” he answered. “I learned it a few years ago.  I know most of the Studio Ghibli theme songs. I like to play them when I need a pick-me-up.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Maybe later.  Right now, I just want to play for my best friend.”

Marinette nodded her understanding, though inside she was squealing at his sentiment.  She knew they were close, but hear him say they were best friends was a victory all on its own.  She moved to the piano bench, and got lost in the music.  An hour of music transpired before he practiced his mandatory pieces.  Although Adrien didn't seem to have as much fun with these pieces as he did with the Ghibli ones, Marinette thought they sounded just as lovely.

Gabriel sat his atelier, appreciating his son's music as it came in through the open doors.  He thought back to Emilie playing the Ghibli songs to Adrien when he was little as the familiar notes filled his ears.  His thoughts moved from his wife to the young woman he had just sat through dinner with. She had surprised him more than once with her honesty and ferocity.  She wasn’t afraid to stand up for those she cared for, even in the face of someone like Gabriel Agreste.  She reminded him so much of Emilie, his heart hurt.  

He could sense the love those two had for each other, even without his miraculous, which meant his options surrounding her were limited.  He decided he would keep Marinette close to the family.  He would welcome her in and eventually, give her a place at his company.  Then Marinette could take over one day and he could spend his golden years with his beloved.  

Gabriel smiled as this potential future played out in his mind.  All he needed was two pieces of jewelry, and everything would be as it should be.  Two miraculous, one wish, and both Agreste men would have the women of their dreams.

[amuelle]

About my sister...

I hadn’t known not having her around and the idea of it was shattering. I could feel it in the depths of my soul. The comfortable place in my heart she used to occupy was slowly getting emptied out.  She had always stayed there, ALWAYS been there, so why was she leaving? She was taking her things one by one and for all my screaming and crying she couldn’t hear me because my sorrow took my voice. She just kept packing. At this point in our lives we were meant to be apart but separation should never be taken lightly or underestimated…..it hurts, its soul crushing.

We are six years apart my sister and I. We only have a few good traits in common but for the rest of it we are night and day. She takes nothing personally and I take everything personally. Her ability to communicate her feelings is incredible while I’d rather suffer in silence till the words find me and I’m ready to hear what others have to say about my feelings. She is a first born, a trail blazer and I am the sheltered lamb that was guided not to make my own mistakes. She was packing and getting ready to start a new life without me. I could not fathom HOW????

Why was she leaving me!???? Where was she going where she would be without me and why was she was she so excited? I have always been the sentimental sibling. Emotions have always led me and I’ve always wanted to be the one to hold us together. The three of us, my brother included have always had a rhythm. She was disturbing the rhythm and she wasn’t bothered. WHY WASN'T SHE BOTHERED?? She was leaving everything she knew for the great unknown. We had moved around most of our lives. The Lithebes of Moshoeshoe 2 became the Lithebes of Brookside Drive. After that the Lithebes of Asian Games then Lower Thetsane and Hillsview after that. Ultimately we settled as the Lithebes of Ngoana oa Lla. We had always moved as a family. Not this time.

Reflecting on this as a woman in my 30s I realise she always had to leave, destiny was calling. But for her leaving for Durban she wouldn’t have become a health care professional living out her purpose to help others. I wouldn’t have my nieces and I would have never had anyone to encourage me to pursue a career in construction. She had to leave to be the incredible person who would later effect so many incredible changes in my life and the lives of others. 15 year old me couldn’t have known that. All she knew was that the person who understood her best was leaving. The day of her departure grew closer and my voice got stuck in my throat more and more. I knew I needed her. I knew I needed to tell her that but I couldn’t. My mother loved me but didn’t understand me. My father was my father and he did all he could as a man more concerned with raising a lioness. They did their best. I still needed her the most. She was my sister. The benchmark for all my successful female relationships. I needed her!

I knew she would leave but I never expected to come home from school and find every trace of her GONE. I remember the terrible feeling of sleeping in our room alone for the first time in my life. It felt empty, her big oxygen sucking personality was gone. I was devastated and had no one to tell because her leaving was a good thing. It felt like I wasn’t allowed to feel sad about it. She had to go to varsity. There were adventures for her to have, people to meet and most importantly her life to start living. I missed her deeply. As everything at 15 this was new for me. It felt like no one could understand. How could they? I couldn’t explain that this person I was incredibly aloof to, understood me better than I understood myself. In our silence laid a deep understanding that could never be shaken. The bond between sisters is incredible and forged over lifetimes of loving each other without knowing.

Retrospectively, I should have spoken to my mother about it. My mother is the last of 7 and has 5 sisters. Her sisters left her, they got married, went to school, they all left home to start their own lives. She could have comforted me. At that time it felt as if no one could have comforted me.

My sister knew everything about me and I knew everything about her. I saw her at 13 fall in love with hip hop and basketball. I had seen her leave a whole life full of friends and start again every time we moved. I had seen her personality form. I saw her grow into this person I had never had to be without, who was now leaving me.

Sometimes in families we don’t talk about things and we fucking should! The reason I am so transparent with my nieces is because I know that terrible feeling of being left by one of the people you love the most. Even if they don’t want to leave, when they leave it feels like they want to. She had to carve her place in the world and in doing so she became more phenomenal than she already was. She would become the woman to support my dreams and nurse my broken heart. Helped me remember that I’m allowed to make mistake and that risks should be taken. If becoming a woman was like getting a degree on my degree certificate under my name it would read “with a special contribution from Matlaleng Lithebe”. I had to let her go so she could be who she was always meant to be however, it still HURT and she still left.

The first night she came home from Durban she smelt like sun, sea salt and she was glowing like a girl in her early 20s who had just found her purpose should. She had to do to so much work just be in a position to leave me and she was reaping the rewards. Family members wanted to marry her off while others had lost faith in her but she knew what she wanted and made sure they knew it too! She boldly went forward on faith and gut feel and it worked out.

My cousin and I picked her up from the bus station. We were never huggers until that day. That day we hugged. I could feel the frown forming on my forehead but I was still acting tough and it was too late to turn back. I wanted to cry but I had to pretend I was ok. I wasn’t. Her coming back to me meant more than she will probably ever understand. She has never been as sensitive as I am but that didn’t matter, I was vulnerable and she gave me the space to be. She was back. She was here for ME and I would appreciated every single moment of it.

That night when we got home she didn’t unpack, she put on her new pajamas and got into bed. We turned off the light and we talked about everything under the sun till 2 in the morning and it was a school night. I was waking up at 6 to go to school but the excitement of her presence would have never let me sleep. The all night conversations became a constant. Even when she moved to Joburg for her first job. Whenever we are at home or every time we sleep in the same room we stay up and talk like we haven’t spoken in years. We talk almost every day. She knows everything about me and I’m still learning things about her. Having an older sister is one of my blessings and I don’t take her for granted anymore.

Healthy female relationships are IMPORTANT! I know I’m blessed in a unique way to have the sister I have but it wasn’t always easy. All relationships need to be nurtured because like flowers they take time to bloom. Take care of your sisters, even if they aren’t blood. The women in your life who love you with specific intention add value. They want you to be the most phenomenal you that you can be. That shit is IMPORTANT! Its mother’s day on Sunday. My mother and father gave me my sister, they can’t begin to imagine how much I value her.

To my phenomenal sister, who is my whole hand of safety (hand of safety post still coming) and everything I could ever need in a human being, thank you for being you. Just as you are, you have changed the world with the quality of human being you are. I love you buddy!

Bisou…bisou

[humansofhds]

Seokweon Jeon, MTS ’19

“As long as I remember, I was always curious about what religion means to people.”

Seokweon is a master of theological studies degree candidate focusing on Religion and Social Sciences.

From South Korea to the U.S. and Back

Both my parents are Korean. My dad studied in the U.S. for his doctoral degree in Texas and Atlanta. I was born while he was finishing his degree, but I was actually born in Seoul because they wanted to raise their children as Korean. For my childhood, naturally, I always had two different kinds of cultural backgrounds—American culture and Korean culture, too. South Korea is the place I spent more than 20 years of my life.

Now my family is living in South Korea in a very beautiful seaside village. When he was teaching at a college, my dad got a call from his friends from his hometown in South Korea and he told him that there is no pastor or people who can lead the church because he is from a really small seaside village, just 1,500 people. But because it's such a small town in the countryside no pastors or ministers wanted to come lead the church. Right after that phone call, he decided to go back to his hometown in South Korea and lead the church. He went back to South Korea because of that one phone call, and he’s spent his whole life working in that church. And I grew up there in that village: Samcheok, in the province of Gangwon-do.

Son of a (Different) Preacher Man

I was born and raised as the son of a preacher man and professor. But mostly I would say son of a preacher man. Church was my home, as well as my dad’s office. Although I was raised as the son of a preacher man, my upbringing was kind of different, because my dad was, in some ways, a different figure compared to other average “normal” pastors in South Korea. When it comes to South Korean Protestant churches, they are not really rigorous in terms of inter-religious dialogue or engagement. They have a kind of anti-non-Christianity sentiment. So they tend to demonize Buddhism or Catholicism and of course Shamanism, or any other kinds of religious traditions other than Protestantism.

But my dad was really different. Every year on the Buddha’s birthday I went to the local temples and had tea with the headmaster of the temple, and the whole day I would hang around and talk with many monks and nuns and kids around the temple. I visited all the time because my dad really liked having conversations with the headmasters of the temples around the town. I met a lot of shamanists, too, because he really loved to sit and talk with shamans. So he invited many of them, and many shamans would come to my dad’s office or house without appointments. Any time they would just knock on the door and say, “Is Pastor Jeon here?” And my mom would invite them to come inside to have tea, or she would serve them a meal and talk with them. So when it comes to my childhood upbringing, I would say I was surrounded by many religious people like Fathers, shamans, Buddhist monks, nuns, and of course pastors.

Sharing Your Life

My family has a summer house right next to the seashore—a beautiful place. And because my dad is like the pastor “boy-next-door,” he would invite everyone all the time­—for 20 years not a single day has that house been empty. Backpackers, nuns, professors, friends of friends, businessmen, salarymen—everyone could come to my house. And every night if new guests came to my house I would just go there with my dad, mom, and brother and have tea and dinner and listen to their stories and how they live, how they get here, and what their worlds look like.

It was an amazing experience for me because from that time, as long as I can remember, I loved listening to other people’s stories, and that house was my natural setting. So I would listen to many people’s stories about how they live and how they found hardships in their lives. You know, if you go to a really beautiful place you could feel the tension drip away and sometimes you can really talk about your life and you really want to share your life. So that is my good fortune that my hometown had.

Religious Curiosity

Growing up, my dad had an inter-religious mindset. So as long as I remember, I was always curious about what religion means to people and what different faith traditions mean and signify in today's society. When I went to the summer house to see the new guests, they would talk about all the different faith traditions in their lives. Some talk about yoga, some talk about Buddha, some Bodhisattvas, and some Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit, and some angels, and some prophets, too. So I was really really curious about what all those things mean to me and to my family and to them. I think that is the place that I started to have an interest in having an occupation as a scholar to study religion and all the different religious traditions and practices. So that's the one part; interreligious settings and listening to different stories at the summer house.

Interdisciplinary Study

I studied sociology and theology in undergrad at Yonsei University in Seoul, South Korea. From my undergrad years I worked on the sociological study of religion. I was fascinated by the fact that religious traditions and practice can be studied with quantitative methodologies and numbers and data. I also found out that can also provide a really good reflection, overview, and perspective on current movements and the larger picture of modern religion, too. So I was fascinated by two different academic disciplines in college—sociology and religion.

After graduation, I kept on studying religion but through a different lens: history. The reason I chose to study history of religion at a graduate level was to understand religion with an expanded frame of reference, with sensitivity and with an in-depth knowledge. As a student working on the religious movements of the current state or present time, it was really important for me to grasp the historical ways in which religious values and practices, which have a strong bearing on the way we behave and conduct ourselves in the society, have been formed and changed. So in graduate school in the same college I studied Christianity of East Asia. I studied how Western Christianity was introduced into most of East Asian countries, how they rooted to and interacted with the indigenous culture, and how Western Christianity became a model of “modernity” in East Asia. I especially focused on the late eighteenth-and-nineteenth century interplay between indigenous religious traditions and Christianity.

I think studying religion through the eyes of the humanities can give a vibrant framework that can reflect the diverse changes happening now. For me, choosing to study religion with sociology and history has allowed me consider not only what to think about religion, which will one day be outdated and obsolete, but also how to think about religion. I’m really fascinated by that at HDS, too, that I can experience the whole diverse spectrum of religion and be a part of this dynamic community, and reflect it back to my study using various methodologies; sociology, philosophy, and anthropology.

Academic and Cultural Differences

In Korean academia, I could not really synthesize all my different interests. And it is the same in Japan and China. They have their own kinds of boundaries when it comes to academic disciplines. But at HDS, there are not strict boundaries between disciplines. I can fully synthesize all methodologies and disparate academic perspectives in one place. Plus, last semester I went to BC, BU, MIT, HDS, and FAS, and I went to many seminars and classroom. I was a regular member of American politics seminar at BC. I feel like HDS does not attempt to funnel those whole diverse perspectives and methodologies down to one little path across the water but strive to connect the (seemingly irrelevant and distant) dots. In Boston, I can use all these diverse institutions and tools to study modern religious movement in depth and and comprehensive. That’s another big difference I am experiencing.

In Korea academia, its lecture oriented. So the instructor lectures and the advisor guides all your themes, dissertation, thesis, classes. There is hardly a vibrant dialogue between students. But in HDS, its more discussion oriented. And the academic relation between students is really vibrant and active. The second cultural different is rent. It's so expensive! So living in Boston can be overwhelming. Haha!

America Building Walls

Before I came to Harvard, Korea was a mess. The president was impeached and every day there were disturbing new allegations of corruption, scandal, bribery, deception, and collusion, which shook the very foundations of society. But in May 2017, a new president had been elected who was a former human rights lawyer. When I left there to study at Harvard, in August, it was a moment where everything seemed cleaned up. But when I got to HDS it seemed like a new kind of mess had started.

Growing up in South Korea, my parents always told me about the true source of America's greatness and what American greatness really means. Whenever they talked about it, they spoke of tolerance and diversity, and recognizing all different settings, race, ethnicity, gender, and political identity. My dad said that America can be one great country because they embrace all the differences and make them as great a thing, as positive power, the greatest power the U.S. can have. But after coming back to the U.S. in the Trump era, I am sensing and feeling the opposite context and landscape right now: hate speech and building walls rather than bridges.

So at first it was difficult for me because it was different from what I had heard and dreamed. Harvard is a safe haven for us, but if we walk out the door what we are seeing is so different. No tolerance. Too little empathy and compassion. Rather than tolerance what I’m seeing right now is hatred. That was one of the strongest impressions that I had in August and September of 2017, when I first arrived.

Positive Shock

I served in the army about four years. The first two years I spent at the DMZ, around the Joint Security Area (JSA). That is the place that Kim Jong Un and the president of South Korea, Moon Jae-in, met at that historical meeting and shook hands. So watching that scene gave me a chill because that place used to be a place of hatred, tension, fears, and tears. But things are starting to change. This dialogue gives me a kind of hope that everything can change, maybe if the initial power and gathering can be weak, but if someone starts to work on dialogue, conversation, embracing diversity and overcoming difference, some really great change can happen. When I served the army, I thought this division between the North and South would last longer because, frankly, I sensed no hope there. But now, especially since February, I'm starting to think some really positive and powerful changes can happen and maybe my future generation can live in a united country.

My family cried when they watched the whole interviews and live streaming of the event. It was a fresh shock also to them because everything was so smooth and fast. My dad once told me that if we are trying to achieve peace between North and South Korea, gradual steps would be needed. So this is so different from what I thought because it happened without buildup. This big change happened all of a sudden with a small number of people’s efforts. It was a positive shock. My dad was born in North Korea before the Korean War and both my mom and dad’s parents came from North Korea, too. It inspires hope, and the need for gathering and mobilizing our force because huge positive changes are actually possible and at the darkest and most unexpected moments.

Interview and photos by Anaïs Garvanian

[yegarts]

Artist Feature: Mila Bongco-Philipzig

Mila Bongco-Philipzig was born in the Philippines, and made her way to Edmonton to complete her graduate studies at the University of Alberta, before settling in Edmonton in 2007 with her family. As a writer, Bongco-Philipzig writes poetry, personal essays, and children’s books. In 2020 she received an Equity and Access grant from the EAC which assisted with the publication of Tony’s Wheels, a children’s book about an immigrant boy with polio who becomes a para-athlete for the Canadian National Team in wheelchair racing as well as kayaking.

Recently,  Bongco-Philipzig penned a new, deeply personal poem, articulating her response to the shooting in Atlanta in March that took the lives of eight individuals. Talking about her poem, Bongco-Philipzig writes: 

“The past year threw a harsh spotlight on the noticeable increase in anti-Asian hate crimes in North America. I thought I would get numb to hearing news after news of verbal and physical attacks to my community. But the sting and pain did not diminish, and I was especially distressed by the shooting in Atlanta last March – not only because 6 of the 8 people killed were Asian women, but also because of the way this incident was reported in the media and handled by local officials.

I thought that there was an unnecessary emphasis on the spa business and the sexual addiction of the killer that fed the hyper-sexualization stereotypes of Asian women. Many news outlets also did not call this incident outright as a racially motivated hate crime. There should have been more focus on the identity and situation of the victims. In reality, the victims were mostly senior citizens who did not provide spa nor massage services but were there to open doors and cook for the staff. For me, it was a grim reminder that in many parts of North America, a disproportionately high percentage of workers putting themselves at risk of exposure and danger during the pandemic are of Asian descent.

The poem is my very personal response to this shooting incident. In it, I call attention to my connection with the victims and the connection of this incident to a long history of anti-Asian sentiments.

May is Asian Heritage month in Canada. As we celebrate the diverse contributions and the rich cultural heritage and cuisines brought over here by Asian immigrants, I think it is important that we also learn and be more aware of topics like the plight of refugees, migrant workers, and the need to keep combating racism. During Heritage months, may we not only admire and promote multiculturalism, but actively engage in inclusion, respect, and fairness to enable equal opportunity.”

6 of Me Were Killed Today

(Atlanta shooting, March 16, 2021) by Mila Bongco-Philipzig

6 of me were killed today. Angled eyes trained to be lowered, now shut forever Skins that span a spectrum of shades all deemed suspicious, now just cold and bare Where there was some chatter with accents and strange words that drew judgment and ridicule Now silence Silence, shock, and anger over Lifeless Asian bodies still needing to work minimum wage at 63, 69, 74 years of age 6 of me were killed today.

We were taught early and firmly To be quiet Be polite Study hard Work hard Don’t complain Don’t call attention to yourself. Try to fit in. If no one can see us nor hear us Then no one should hate us. Yet hate came anyway.

Hate has no borders nor boundaries Hate crosses time and space. This hate has existed for Years, decades, centuries A constant shadow over our burdened existence Head taxes Internment camps, Exclusion acts, immigration bans Boats that were not allowed to dock Shops that were boycotted Housing and services and salaries denied And now the blows and bullets and blades that attack The most vulnerable of our people, our elders Hate came And keeps coming. Hate has no borders nor boundaries It hurts us all.

6 of me are no more. My grief and rage seek Sounds and spaces and actions for justice Truth in history Unity in shaping a future Where you can be you and I can be me And we let the others be. I will speak up, I will dissent, I will call attention My angled eyes, I raise in a defiant stare And I ask you I challenge and urge you What noise will you make What space will you take How will you engage in change That no more of me Shall be killed someday.

[premierdetroit]

Photo by Sthanlee b. Mirador, 2017

As a Filipino American born and raised in the Bay Area, I was lucky to easily find people who looked like me. From historic neighborhoods like SOMA Pilipinas and Japantown to the Bay’s deep roots in Black and Latinx culture, I found diversity in people, culture and food. 

I saw fewer people who looked like me in mainstream media like TV shows, magazines or music videos. How could I be surrounded by so much diversity, especially within my own Asian American community, that wasn’t reflected in the shows I watched or my favorite songs? Where was our story?

Fortunately, today looks different. I’ve seen Filipino artists go platinum, reach millions of YouTube views and become household names.Still, there are so many Asian American stories unheard and undiscovered. I’m still searching for storytellers who look like me, and stories that sound like mine.

Richie, who also goes by his DJ name TRAKTIVIST, knows what I’m talking about. Richie is a Filipino American Bay Area native like myself.  “I was born in Daly City, grew up as a DJ, and joined a mobile DJ crewaround the time when there was a scene for Filipino DJs,” he says proudly. Daly City is nine miles south of San Francisco and nearly 58% of its population identifies as Asian.  

“As a DJ you realize you play so much stuff that's on the radio,” he says. “But at some point you realize there's so much music coming out of our community. Why am I not playing that? Why am I not looking for that?”  

The Asian American community has faced erasure from popular American narratives and history, and are largely absent from mainstream American media. Partly because of this, Asians in America are seen as a monolith. “When I grew up, being Asian wasn't something that most of us were told to be proud of,” Richie says. 

This is why Richie spent over a year building TRAKTIVIST.com, a discovery platform dedicated to helping people find music made by Asian North Americans. TRAKTIVIST.com’s catalog also allows people to search for music by filtering ethnicity, instrument, genre and playlists. 

“I was trying to figure out who's who and where do they exist? [It starts with] who you know, who people know, but after that, I had to turn to the internet. It was a search.” Richie used Google tools, starting with Search, to find and compile artists. While it was easier to find current musicians, it was challenging to find Asian American artists from the past. He dove deep into archives of forums, blogs, social media, websites and YouTube to find artists and their stories. 

Through Google Search, Richie and his TRAKTIVIST.com team have discovered over 1,500 Asian American artists across numerous decades and genres, and continue to use Google tools to search for the undiscovered. 

Richie is committed to surfacing overlooked or forgotten stories. He recently published “Grammy Firsts,” a collection celebrating Asian American firsts of the awards show. And with Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage month approaching, we asked Richie to create a playlist celebrating the diversity of Asian American stories and artists — which he graciously did. 

Talking to Richie, I find myself coming back to a word that we center the Filipino Googler Network, an employee resource group, around: kapamilya, or belonging. Through music, I hope we can find kapamilya, be able to see one another, find ourselves and have our stories be heard. 

With the recent rise in anti-Asian sentiment and violence in America, Richie has found the music he’s discovering to be a source of healing. “When we think about our communities and what we go through…” Richie says, “...whether through film, TV poetry, music, any art form, all of it matters. My job is to make sure these stories get broadcast and receive as much attention as possible.” 

Read the whole article: CLICK HERE from Sniply: Search Brought to you by: PremierDetroitSEO.com Brought to you by: PremierDetroitSEO.com

[dipulb3]

What six Asian Americans are doing to fight hate in their communities

New Post has been published on https://appradab.com/what-six-asian-americans-are-doing-to-fight-hate-in-their-communities/

What six Asian Americans are doing to fight hate in their communities

But some Asian Americans haven’t waited for lawmakers to act, countering hate and racism against their communities in ways big and small.

A Chicago restauranteur shows love for his elders by making them delicious meals every week. A Bay Area educator creates online zines to help Asian Americans better understand their histories. A New York food blogger uses her platform to help vulnerable Asians pay for cab rides in the city.

Appradab spoke to six people around the US who are playing a part in protecting and uplifting Asian American and Pacific Islander communities.

Here are their stories.

A restaurant owner prepares special meals for seniors

After seeing his grandparents cooped up in their home all day eating the same food, Jackson Chiu figured other seniors in Chicago’s Chinatown were in the same situation.

So he decided to support the seniors in his neighborhood by providing them with fresh meals from his restaurant 312 Fish Market, a sushi bar he recently opened in the area.

For the past three months, Chiu has been making weekly food deliveries to two senior buildings. He plans to continue doing so for the entire year.

“I think that they deserve it,” he says. “I love my seniors a lot.”

Taking into consideration their dietary habits, Chiu curated a selection of dishes for the elderly in his community that are easy to chew and digest.

On the menu: Unagi don (charbroiled eel topped with oshinko and pickled shallots), tamago (Japanese rolled omelet) and a California roll.

Other local businesses have joined Chiu’s efforts to serve community elders, too.

88 Market Place, Chicago’s largest Chinese supermarket, has been providing fruits and vegetables, while Chiu’s childhood friends from Chiu Quon Bakery have been supplying bread.

Despite the hundreds of calls and messages he’s received from people asking how they can donate to the cause, though, Chiu isn’t accepting any money.

“If I’m going to accept donations, it’s just gonna ruin the point of me giving back to seniors,” he says. “I want to help out the seniors on my own, at my own cost and from my own pocket.”

An educator makes zines to help Asian Americans understand racism

For years, researcher and educator Bianca Mabute-Louie had been conducting workshops to help Asian Americans in the Bay Area understand their racial identities.

But around the time George Floyd was killed by a Minneapolis police officer last year, she began widening her reach.

She noticed that Asian Americans across the country wanted to engage in the movement for racial justice, but that some had trouble understanding where they fit in. All the online literature around being an ally, meanwhile, seemed to cater mostly to White people.

Mabute-Louie had already been posting shareable zines — small, handcrafted magazines — to her 17,000-plus Instagram followers on topics ranging from farmworkers’ rights to soup dumplings.

Soon, she was creating and sharing graphics on the history of Black and Asian solidarity and on how Asian Americans could combat anti-Blackness in their friends and families. Those posts racked up thousands of likes, and her Instagram following grew and grew.

“I felt like it was really important for Asian Americans to see examples and get an analysis of how us engaging with a movement like Black Lives Matter is allyship and (how) we also have to get free from White supremacy,” said Mabute-Louie, who is currently pursuing a PhD in sociology at Rice University.

Recently, a string of high-profile attacks against Asian Americans prompted some in the community to respond with anti-Black sentiments because a few suspects were Black.

For Mabute-Louie, it was a reminder of just how vital it was for Asian Americans to understand the systemic forces behind incidents of racism and hate.

She reacted as she often does: By creating another educational zine.

“There’s lots of ways that these mainstream narratives like to pit us against each other,” she said. “Of course, there has been violence between our communities. But it’s really important to understand the bigger context of why and how this is happening.”

A food blogger funds rides for those who feel unsafe

Even the simple act of taking the subway to work in New York made Madeline Park fear for her life.

Every day, it seemed there was a new, disturbing headline.

Asian Americans were being harassed, beaten outside in broad daylight and killed at work. After a woman around the same age as Park had her backpack lit on fire while standing on a subway platform, it hit Park: She could be a target, too.

Park began avoiding public transit and started commuting to work by cab. In talking to her friends, she realized others were feeling just as terrified to take the train.

Then Park, a dentist who runs the popular food blog Cafe Maddy, recalled the days when she was a broke college student and couldn’t pay for regular cab rides.

“I thought about all the other people who were forced to do this because they can’t afford to take a cab,” she said. “So I said, ‘You know what, if you’re a student or you can’t afford your cab ride, just Venmo charge me.'”

And Cafe Maddy Cab was born.

Park and two of her friends launched the Instagram account in early April, offering to personally reimburse rides for Asian New Yorkers who felt unsafe riding public transportation. Within two days, she says they raised about $100,000 to help fund rides.

As of Thursday, Cafe Maddy Cab had reimbursed more than 2,000 ride requests.

While the effort has garnered a lot of support, Park says demand for rides has been even higher. She estimates her funds may only last through the end of the month.

Still, Park is encouraged by the solidarity she’s seen from others.

“Not everyone is a bystander turning a blind eye to what’s happening,” she says. “There are people who want to stand by us and there are people who want us to be safe.”

A Queens native patrols a majority-Asian neighborhood

When Queens native Teresa Ting saw the video of an Asian woman being violently shoved to the ground not far from where she lives, she felt pure rage.

She knew she wanted to do something to protect her community, and recalled reading about volunteer chaperone and patrol services for Asian elders in California.

The efforts there inspired her to start a similar program in Flushing, a predominately Asian neighborhood in Queens that Ting considers her second home.

“I just really wanted to be on the street and help patrol it and keep an extra set of eyes and ears and mouth for the community,” she said.

Ting dubbed her organization Main Street Patrol, after Flushing’s main thoroughfare.

She and her fellow volunteers trained themselves in bystander intervention methods, ensuring that they’re equipped to deescalate street harassment, sexual harassment, bias crimes and xenophobic situations.

The goal: Protect the neighborhood’s streets — and educate residents on how they can safely play a part in that effort, too.

“I was hoping to give more access to the public so they can be more informed and better equipped with the right tools so we can all be more active bystanders,” she said.

During peak hours on weekend afternoons, groups of volunteers now patrol the area around Main Street and Roosevelt Avenue, one of the busiest intersections in New York City. Anyone in need of help need just look for the vibrant purple masks, a nod to the 7 subway line that begins in Flushing.

An internet celebrity made a documentary film to educate others

Eugene Lee Yang has a big platform as one of The Try Guys, an adventurous foursome that takes on various challenges for their popular online comedy series.

Recently, he used that platform to bring attention to a more serious issue.

“We need to talk about anti-Asian hate,” Yang says in the opening of a new documentary uploaded to The Try Guys YouTube channel, which has more than 7 million followers.

The Korean-American filmmaker and internet personality felt that people didn’t know enough about Asian American history — and that lack of awareness was affecting how they saw the recent rise in anti-Asian hate crimes.

So Yang and his team got to work.

They wanted to highlight the complicated and often untold stories of Asian Americans, as well as the unique challenges they face. And they wanted others to know how they could help. Within a month, the team had researched and condensed hundreds of years of Asian American history into an hour-long documentary.

“Even as an Asian American person, I learned so much about our community’s struggles,” Yang said. “I never got that education or exposure myself growing up, even within my family, let alone the American education system.”

Yang also called on his followers to donate to organizations that support and protect Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders, raising nearly $130,000 in less than a month.

He hopes the documentary will inspire people to take a greater interest in who Asian Americans are and what they’ve endured.

A dancer launched a movement to unite Black and Asian Americans

Being both Black and Asian, author and dancer Rohan Zhou-Lee has experienced racism across the spectrum.

The parallels were especially evident last year.

Asian Americans became scapegoats and targets during the Covid-19 pandemic, following a pattern seen throughout US history in times of tension or crisis. And Black Americans continued to die at the hands of police, another longstanding pattern.

Still, Zhou-Lee felt the two groups were often in conflict with each other.

“After a lot of traumatic incidents with myself over the summer, I was like, ‘You know what? I think it’s time that I just built my own space and start to work on bringing communities together,'” said Zhou-Lee, who uses “they/them” pronouns.

That fall, Zhou-Lee created The Blasian March, a movement designed to create Black and Asian solidarity through mutual education and celebration.

What began as rallies in New York and Los Angeles in October 2020 has since expanded into a vehicle for advocacy and understanding around issues that affect Black and AAPI people.

The Blasian March creates and shares resources for allyship through its Instagram page, and helps activists in other cities organize shows of solidarity, too. And it puts a special emphasis on empowering women, LGBTQ people and those with disabilities.

As Asian Americans continue to face hate and violence over the pandemic and as Black Americans continue to experience police brutality, Zhou-Lee and The Blasian March are spreading messages of unity rather than division.

“We all came together last summer for Black lives and now people are coming together for Asian lives,” they said. “There’s such power in that communal love.”

[abadoodlesss]

Sometimes The Job’s Worth It - Chapter Four!

Read the previous chapters here

Next Chapter

Summary: Castiel comes at the request of Dean to try and rid Jane of her unpleasant memories, much to Sam’s dismay. Family fighting and some poorly chosen words lead to lots of complicated, possibly dangerous, situations.

Jane stared at the man before her. He was an intimidating figure, almost matching the height of the oldest Winchester. He held eye contact with Jane, seemingly staring into her soul with his piercing blue eyes.

“An angel?” Jane repeated, in a bit of disbelief. Castiel looked like a regular man to her, nothing like what she expected angels to be. Where were the flowing white robes? The long hair? The beautiful wings? Then again, she pictured demons to have red skin and horns protruding from their heads. That depiction couldn’t have been further from the truth, so who was she to be deciding what an angel should look like?

“Yes, I am Castiel, an ang-”

“We got that part already, buddy.” Dean said, patting a hand on Castiel’s shoulder as he walked over to Jane. “Jane, this is a friend of ours.” Dean continued. “He can...uh, help you.”

“With what?”

“We’ve noticed you’ve been acting a little strange.” Sam said, trying to put things lightly, coming to his brother’s side.

Jane mentally kicked herself. Of course they noticed! You’ve been acting like a psycho since you’ve met them! She thought to herself.

“What do you mean?” She asked, feigning ignorance.

“Kid, we know something's up.” Dean said flatly.

“Whatever’s going on, we want to help you.” Sam offered, aggravated with Dean’s lack of sensitivity.

“I appreciate that you’re concerned but really, nothing’s going on.” Jane lied, opening her Snickers as she climbed on the bed to watch whatever was playing on the small television.

Dean sighed. He knew what Jane must be upset about it, it was obvious. She had lost everything she had less than a week ago and all she had gained were the Winchesters. It wasn’t an easy situation to be in, unfamiliar and awkward not even mentioning dangerous. She was also obviously hurting, she lost her parents. Dean knew exactly what it felt like. He wished he had someone to comfort him in those times, but now here was Jane, turning away the help he wished he had gotten.

“If you’re sure.” Sam said, interrupting Dean’s inner monologue before the frustrating thoughts could start pouring out.

“I am.” Jane said, turning to the three men, having forgotten Castiel was even there.

“Jane,” Dean started, taking a seat on the bed by her feet while avoiding Sam’s hand that tried grabbing him away. “We just want to help. Talking things out can-”

“I’m fine.” She said curtly, not bothering to look his way.

“Kid-”

“Dean, I don’t need your help.” She snapped, glaring at him for a moment before returning her attention to the TV.

Dean puffed out his chest, ready to start a real argument but Sam grabbed onto his upper arm, dragging him off the bed.

“So my assistance is no longer necessary?”

Sam opened his mouth to confirm but Dean had other ideas.

“You know, Sammy and I haven’t been to a bar in a while. You wouldn’t mind watching Jane if we head out for a bit, right?”

Castiel looked at Dean slightly confused. He knew enough about Dean Winchester to understand he was plotting, but to what the actual plan was, Cas was oblivious.

Dean grabbed his car keys, whispering to Cas as he passed “Figure out what’s going on with her.” They gave each other a nod before Dean called, “Let’s go Sam.” storming out to the Impala.

“So you’re an angel?” Jane asked, sitting with her legs crossed, staring at Castiel who hasn’t moved since he arrived.

“Yes. I am an angel of the lord.”

After a silent moment, Jane blurted out a burning question. “If you’re an angel….where are your wings?”

She was timid to ask, but her curiosity was much stronger than her fear.

Though Jane’s family had never been particularly religious, she was (almost) positive angels didn’t run around the mortal world in trench coats, so why was Castiel like this? She had heard of fallen angels however, cast out of Heaven for pissing off the big man upstairs. Did they lose their wings when they came crashing down from on high? She shuffled further back on the bed when that idea surfaced.

“They aren’t visible to your human eyes.”

“Now that just sounds like an excuse.” Jane joked, but Castiel didn’t seem to get it. “So how do you know the Winchesters?”

“I was the angel that raised Dean from perdition.”

“What’s perdition?”

“The eternal state of punishment you know as Hell.”  

Jane looked at Castiel wide-eyed. A few thousand questions railed into her mind.

Hell is real? Dean went to Hell? Why? How? When? Again: Hell is real?!

Castiel was able to read Jane’s mind without really using his powers, her confusion was evident on her face. “Dean died many years ago and went to Hell. I brought him back as he was desperately needed.”

“Dean died?”

“Many times. Sam has as well.”

Jane had more questions but they were clouded by this new revelation that Hell was real. She was always hopeful that you went somewhere after you died but the thought that there was a Hell gave her chills. She had heard that a single sin could get you into Hell, which is why you had to go to confession and pray for forgiveness often, neither of which had her parents ever done since she was born. They must have accumulated a fair amount of sins in their lifetime that hadn’t been forgiven. Jane cringed at the idea, going to hug her knees as a chill ran up her spine.

Castiel watched the girl intently. It felt wrong to read the young girl’s mind, especially when he found her thinking of something so personal and heartbreaking, but he had to. Dean asked him to help this girl and if she wasn’t going to say what was wrong verbally, he had to result to an alternate plan.

“You’re thinking about your parents.” Castiel stated bluntly.

Jane’s eyes darted over to his figure without turning her head away as she held her knees to her chest tightly.

“It’s normal to miss them.” He offered when she refused to speak. “You’re allowed to be upset.”

“I wasn’t asking for permission.” She said coldly, instantly regretting it. “I’m sorry it’s just- it’s more than that. You don’t get it.” Jane said, waving him off before things got too sentimental.

“I don't. But you could explain it.” Castiel tried but to little avail. “You’re hurting. It’s natural to want to talk about it.”

Jane hated that he was making these assumptions so easily. She hated the way he said them as though he were reading facts out of a book. She hated that he was right about each one. Still, she remained silent, continuing to bottle up the thoughts threatening to pour out.

Castiel resulted to tapping into her thoughts to try to gain any helpful information but was only met with a swarm of repeated thoughts filling the girl’s mind. He stared at her incredulously, shocked at what he was hearing. “You feel at fault.”

“Aren’t I?” She spoke in a soft voice, unable to look at the angel. “I hid and-” Her voice cracked as she rested her head on her kneecaps, squeezing her eyes shut to trap in her tears.

“You couldn’t have done anything.”

“I could have tried. I just hid in the bathroom and prayed for someone else to fix everything.”

“I know.” He said. “Your prayers were heard, but there wasn’t anything anyone could have done.” Castiel offered. Jane’s head perked up at what he had said.

“You heard me praying?” She asked, narrowing her eyes as she stared up at the angel.

“Yes, angels are able to hear all prayers and-”

“All the angels heard me and did nothing?” Jane continued, her voice holding a tone of disgust as she got up and made her way over to Castiel. “You heard me crying and pleading for help and you ignored me? Why? How could you just leave me there like that?”

“You have to understand-” Castiel started, backing away from the girl as she closed in.

“What? That there was nothing an all-powerful being like you could have done to help?”

“There are some matters in which angels cannot interfere.”

“Why? Was it some sort of fate that my entire family had to die?”

“It’s not our place. If direct orders aren’t given-”

As tears welled in her eyes, Jane swung out her hand, slapping the angel across his face. Not bothering to stick around for his reaction, she ran out of the motel room.

Dean downed another shot, slamming the glass down onto the table.

“You want to take it easy there?” Sam asked from across the table, nursing his first bottle of Bud Light.

“I don’t get it Sam. There is something wrong and we just want to help. Why wouldn’t she want that?”

“People have different ways of coping.” Sam said but Dean didn’t accept that answer.

“She shouldn’t have to go through it alone.” Dean grumbled.  

“I agree, but you have to think about it from her perspective.” Sam started, knowing he was asking a lot of his brother to think logically, especially when he was angry. “She lost her family and doesn’t know us very well. Besides, I still don’t think getting Cas involved is a great idea. We can comfort and support Jane but erasing her memories? That’s not how you deal with-”

Dean didn’t care to hear the rest, he was already making his way to the bar to get himself another shot.

He knew Sam was right. He always is. But hearing the truth about the situation is only more frustrating. Dean couldn’t help everyone. It was always hard to accept that not everyone can be 100% fixed but it didn’t make him feel any less shitty.

Dean downed three more shots, letting out a groan as the last one slid down his throat.

“Rough night?” A voice called.

Dean turned to meet a tall Asian woman. She was dressed in a tight red dress and matching heels with her hair in light waves. She was beautiful, charming Dean with her warm eyes.

“That obvious?” Dean asked with a chuckle as the woman sat beside him.

“Well I don’t know how much I can help, but I can at the very least get your next drink.” She said with a seductive smile.

“No objections here.” He said as the woman order the two of them drinks. “I’m Dean.”

“Christine.” She said with a sweet smile.

The two kept chatting, drinking and getting to know each other. She was flirty, Dean dare admit as flirty as he was.

She was in the midst of tying a cherry stem with her tongue when Dean’s phone started ringing. Pulling it out of his pocket and seeing the caller ID.

It was Jane.

“Is that your girlfriend?” Christine joked.

Dean pressed decline and threw his phone down. “No, no she’s- she’s my little sister.”

“What are you guys fighting about?”

“Are you a mind reader or just very good at guessing?” Dean asked with a laugh.

“You hit decline pretty quickly, seemed odd.” She defended. “Whenever I’m avoiding someone, especially that quickly, it’s normally because we’re fighting.”

“Yeah, she doesn’t exactly know I’m- well I’m not really mad at her it’s just-”

“Complicated?” Christine finished for him.

“Exactly.” He said with a smile, keeping eye contact with Christine as they each took a sip of their drinks.

His phone started ringing again.

Jane.

Declined.

“So where were we?” He asked, leaning closer to Christine. A sultry smile tugged at her red painted lips.

His phone started ringing again. He had half the mind to just hit decline a third time but guilt tugged at his gut.

“I should probably answer, just to make sure she’s alright.” Dean said, going for his phone.

Christine grabbed his hand. “She’s sixteen years old, she’s fine to stay home alone.”

Dean ripped his hand away from Christine’s. He never told her Jane’s age or that she was even home alone. Dean quickly accepted the call but Christine slapped the phone out of his hands, letting it fall to the floor. She covered the phone with her foot, driving the heel of her stilettos into the phone’s screen, cracking more than just the glass.

Dean looked up at Christine to see her pitch black eyes.

“Dean!” Sam yelled. He had his phone in hand, talking to someone.

Dean turned to grab onto Christine but she had disappeared. There was no time to care, something was wrong with Jane. He scooped up his broken phone before running with Sam to the Impala.

Jane rubbed her bare arms as she let out a shiver, watching the cloud of her own breath drift up into the starlit sky. Another shiver had her wishing for a jacket, but in her anger induced exit, she forgot to grab one.

She had run out of the hotel room after slapping Castiel. Where she was going, she didn’t know, nor did she care. She needed to clear her head and walking was always the way she had done it.

Her anger was quelled rather quickly, her adrenaline being replaced with nerves. The road she was on was dark, devoid of any cars, of any houses, just open fields that turned into woods further back. She was totally alone, vulnerable, jumping at each slight sound.

Her phone battery was running low as it was wasted on using her flashlight to navigate the maze of streets.

Before her phone could abandon her, found Dean’s name in her contact list. It rang four times before going to voicemail. She was almost glad for didn’t know what she was going to say.

Hey, I got upset, slapped your angel friend and now I’m alone and cold on some dark road in the middle of nowhere. Can you come get me?

It would only annoy Dean and that’s the last thing she wanted to do, but she had to call someone. Sighing, she pressed his name again, and again it went to voicemail. One more time.

Three rings and her phone died, displaying a blinking empty battery.

Fan-freaking-tastic.

Her best bet was to turn around and hope she could find her way back, so that’s what she did.

A single street light was lit and in the amber glow stood a man, staring at her.

Maybe wandering around is my best bet. She thought, turning back around to continue walking aimlessly away from the motel when she crashed into someone.

“Hiya Janie.” Called the tall Asian woman in a very skimpy red dress she bumped into. The woman blinked her kind eyes to reveal the black eyes of a demon.

Jane took off sprinting in the direction of the creepy man under the streetlight only to find he wasn’t there, rather right beside her already clutching her arm.

“Let go of me!” Jane cried, trying to rip her arm away to no avail.

“We’re going to need to take you with us. There’s a very special someone who would like to meet you.” The woman said with a wicked smile.

Jane was relentlessly struggling against the demon when a familiar low rumble of a car stilled the group, blinding them with its headlights as the Impala turned onto the road.

“What’s going on?” Dean asked as they sped down the road in the Impala. Sam was on the phone currently, not answering any of Dean’s questions. “Sam?” Dean called. Ignored again, Dean groaned and grabbed the phone away from Sam.

“What’s wrong are you okay?” Dean asked into the phone.

“I am fine, it was only a small slap.” The gravelly voice of Castiel answered.

“Cas? Where’s Jane?”

“She ran out of the hotel room after slapping me across the face.”

“Where is- Why did she slap you?”

“I may have chosen a few incorrect words when trying to provide comfort.”

“Do you know where she is?” Sam called.

“Yes, but I’m afraid she won’t listen to me.”

“You’ll have to go anyways. I think there’s demons after her.”

“She’s on Shaker Road, approximately 2.6 miles away from the motel.”

“Alright, we’ll meet you there Cas.” Dean said, hanging up the phone and tossing to his brother as he slammed on the gas pedal.

We’re coming kiddo.