#i swear theyre not letting him drink wine

[ask-camp-campspell]

What does Max end up eating considering the boiling isles's food isn't very consumable to ordinary humans?

David: He also really likes those pudding cups.

David: Plus, there's a lot of fruits and vegetables that grow here that he doesn't seem to mind.

[maspaz]

video game violence under cut but im thinking of shroud and hancock bonding

shroud gets pretty torn open by a mongrel scratching their torso (opening their surgical scars again as well as just fucking him up in general) and they're with hancock who is like

"WOAH holy shit this is actually maybe the worst future scarring ive ever seen on a person. like you just got severely fucked up. this looks horrible. are you ok - "

"NO???"

"ok damn lets take you back to the state house"

so theyre there, shirtless and on the cleanest mattress possible (not very) and hancock comes in with a bottle of wine

"woah woah HEY DONT BRING THAT NEAR ME"

"we need to disinfect it, i've done this before trust me"

"JOHNATHON I SWEAR TO GOD - "

after writhing in pain for a little while hancocks gives them one of his cleaner shirts and theyre drinking from the bottle together

"dr amari would be proud of me"

"uh huh"

"do you think you can get drunk putting alcohol into your blood stream"

"probably"

[libidomechanica]

Untitled (“How long have you depart, playnts”)

” Said I, “if they bene daughter.     Charlie Grigor tint his pocket&turned askance a winter-     seeming with bloosmes that fly by night. And we sit on. Being     halfe trembling knees on Marble are of snarling starres     from leaf to lead fraile

spirite spoyle. Their malice to     despised because your belles and your merry shine. No thirsty,     glad though ye despyse, the woman has’t by kind, and where euery     war renew I shall a young sinner? Simply nor any     wicked ambush which

her selfe pype I neede not you so;     let me never raising; there unlace her silken ties of     love can be confounded: they sounded the bedroom wall to     extend, in which I may laughes, and Loue on his harp did     make him with griefe constrayn.

If she graunt small people of the     dew, sweet wine, will finally find itself to death it makes     thro’ the slope side of which oft I wish for wishing men; drink     rich wine, begun to unwind, which in her discerned; at least,     have dream a little man.

The spring. And it was certain     lights that wakens men with all forgive me. How long have you     depart, playnts which bore my eyes did iar forget and turned askance     a wind, we have offered him for itself, relaxed, its     perfect ore limbs, its chimes,

its little dream’d two human thinke     how language holds in her eies be Saphyres plaine, the weary     heares. At euer fayre eyes vnwares doe keepe from that second     is much as the cloud of these kings we embrace the tress,     and wonderment, but those

which those eyes do make: which she should     it still my grief. Come in for a moment to follow that     I dare swearing him home; but tis done, as it was under     they spring. And there is on our brother, humbled it, and     while from heauen most hideous

night lift vp theyr guylefull     eies, which brought high as the acres of the other white neck     was rosed with one salue each of which shalt be, art, as when     shall lay me low, i’m thine, my life, you left the act of a     present my foes commend.

[kavehpilled]

Mutuals playing monopoly

ohoho. no clue what this is for but im giving us all positions

@love--osamu - sitting next to ash & stealing money and passing it under the table to everyone but quinn

@dazaishusband - banker, not participating in the game but is having a hell of a time watching everyone else get frustrated. is also letting noah steal ( also - since they're a packaged deal @gay--briel is sitting with ash and they are being. a married couple. gabe isnt playing but she is in spirit )

@walking-meme - is trying to play the game normally but is starting to accuse max of cheating (they have way too many plots)

@rebel-ramen - yor forgering this bitch. probably stole the tax money at some point too

@fandoms-spamdom - turned on background music a while ago and is about to win but keeps skipping their turn to watch chaos unfold

@shittydazai - wine but hes underage so theyre drinking cranberry juice. also is getting frustrated with the amount of plots ezra and alice have

@breakingpromise - playing footsies with noah under the table

@beachthem - making out with ollie and ghoul

@daisybf - as stated above. has also been in jail the entire game

@chemicaljacketslut - do i need to go any further

@purplemiist - most likely swearing at everyone for possibly cheating. referencing way too much jojo throughout the entire game. hes also holding hands with ryuzaki under the table. also there werent enough pieces for him & chlo so they used their wedding rings

@waxdrop - holding hands with zeppelin. is also very quiet the entire game but keeps getting 500 bills from noah via ezra

@lowestechelonabomination - won the game. nobody knows how

@nakaharaswife - also swearing uncontrollably. probably lost the game

IDK IF I FORGOT ANYONE SO !!!!!!!! THIS IS JUST MY MAIN MUTUALS LIST

[cicinicole-14]

Hi for the ship thing and headcanons, please do jolex 🥰

Who is a night owl:

dont get me wrong, they both most definitely will stay up late together or both pass out before 9pm on a Friday night, but some days when the depression hits, its jsut different and Jo is definitely more of the night owl. Alex is more of a morning person and Jo would rather sleep like the dead. 

Who is a morning person:

as we’ve discovered, more so Alex esp when they have kiddos. Alex is the one to get up with them early and let Jo sleep, he makes breakfast with the kids’ help and keeps their room quiet for jo to get some extra sleep but will unleash their evil spawns when he deems she’s slept in long enough. 

Are they cuddlers:

some days, yes, mostly. jo definitely loves the affection from someone who genuinely loves and wants her back. but there are days where she literally is like “do not come near me with your (temperature) hot body Alexander Michael Karev, you are a heater and I am already too warm” 

Who is the big spoon and who is the little spoon:

Alex is def the big spoon. Jo likes cuddling into him because sh feels safe, he feels like home. but she def has big spooned him too it’s a 50/50 relationship we have equal roles people

What is their favourite sleeping position:

no lie, both spread out like starfish in their bed. 

Who steals all the blankets: 

Jo. Alex is a space heater and doesnt need blankets she freezes and likes being snuggled up and warm

What they wear to bed:

I mean some nights, nothing, but like jo def loves Alex’s old Iowa state shirts or his wrestling shirts from HS that smell like him. an old worn in t-shirt, anything with a pair of booty shorts or his boxers even. and Alex will just wear a t-shirt and boxers or flannels in the winter. 

Who likes seeing the other wearing their t-shirt:

Alex wholeheartedly loves when jo wears his shirts unless its his favorite flannel and she steals it “come on, jo. you know that’s my favorite one. I wear it all the time.” its exactly why she takes it. 

Who falls asleep mid-conversation:

jo, unintentionally. sometimes the insomnia hits and she won’t have slept for a couple days so when life catches back up to her she will fall asleep randomly. even more so while pregnant and right after their daughter is born. she just “night night Josephine” 

Who wakes up in the middle of the night with nightmares:

they both have their fair share of horrid nightmares. Alex’s deal a lot with his trauma of growing up. his mom pulling various knives on his siblings and dad attacking them. even nightmares of jo leaving him like Izzie did and he wakes up without her. 

jo’s are terrifying as well. she dreams that Paul’s death was just an illusion and that hes still out there and he’ll still come and get her. she wakes up drenched in a cold sweat and Alex holds her and they pull up his death certificate on the gsm database to prove it. she also has nightmares about being abandoned again. dreams of herself as a baby, dreams of her mother leaving her at that firestation. horrid nightmares. and Alex just holds her. she also has many nightmares about Alex abandoning her too just like her mother abandoned her but he’s never done that he’s always there when she wakes up and everything is okay again

Who accidentally punched the other in their sleep:

jo is an absolute horrible bed partner. she does NOT sleep still. she will move around so much during sleep its dangerous. yes, Alex did wake up with a bruise across his cheek one night from an elbow to the face...

Who can’t keep their hands to themself:

both of them. theyre notorious horndogs no autocorrect they are not corndogs please stop correcting me when you’re wrong 

and just because, im throwing in the parenting meme one too bc my heart melts

packs the lunches

Alex. he gets up with the kids in the mornings and also we do not trust jo to make their children food. she’d feed them boxed Mac n cheese and take out the entirety of their lives. and while they love that and Alex wouldn’t care if it was jsut them, their kids need real food. he packs them lunchables and uncrustables but at least its a little more of a variety. 

blows raspberries while cuddling

jo, more so. they both do, but jo LOVES a good chunky baby belly she can blow raspberries onto. and yes she leaves maroon lipstick marks on chubby cheeks and bellies. 

is the tickle monster

Alex. and she runs to mommy to save her from daddy! “oh, now you want mommy, huh? as soon as daddy is the tickle monster all you want is mommy? not when I wanted cuddles, or we picked you up from daycare or I dont know, I gave birth to you and wanted snuggles you cry and want daddy but now hes the tickle monster you want me?” and jo scoops her up and tries saving her but ultimately they lose and get attacked in their very large bed by the tickle monster. 

gives life lesson speeches

they both do just depending on the situations. 

when the girls start dating, jo sits them all down separately, and explains to them a bit of her past. letting them know that no man should ever lay hands on them. she teaches them how to defend themselves and Alex ofc shows them in example how women should be treated. Alex makes it clear that if a guy or girl ever should treat his daughters or his son in any other way than he treats jo, that he needs to know and gOD forbiD one of them lay a finger on one of his children there WILL be hell to pay. jo obviously consoles him in front of her children but tells him “u already have a record. if anyone lays hands on our children I will be putting them in the ground not you”

kisses the boo-boos

Alex he is a pushover and 100% makes sure all boo-boos are kissed and even when the kids are way too old for having their boo-boos kissed, he makes sure the bandaids that are no longer avengers or dinosaur or unicorn or princess themed, have been properly kissed. even through protests of “dad, im not five anymore I dont need my bandaids kissed” “how do you expect them to heal, then, CJ? you’re my most clumsy kid, and I have had to kiss all your boo-boos and never once have I not. thats why you’re still in once piece” 

breaks the bad news

jo makes Alex do it most times. she claims she’s the fun parent and tries to stay the fun parent by making Alex break bad news like “we cannot get another dog” she blames it on Alex but then brings home a puppy the following week. 

joins the PTA

listen. LISTEN. when Greyson started big kid school, in kindergarten, they placed her in private school to give her everything they didnt have growing up. jo was determined to make sure she gave her daughter everything made sure she felt loved and was spoiled it was terrible. so jo, of course, sent her to Seattle Elementary academy and was not paying attention when she signed some forms signing up to be in the PTA. she loathed it so much and “Alex im sorry I cant do this. I know we wanted to give Gracie everything we didnt have growing up but I cant take it I cant take the private school. the volunteer hours the strict dress code violations? she is FIVE. I also have to volunteer FORTY HOURS this year alone. no! I am a surgeon, a mother of two and im pregnant! I do not have time for this! all these PTA moms are stay at home moms who have nothing better to do than gossip about their neighbors and drink wine. and I swear to god if I have to hear about Jessica’s fucking essential oils pyramid scheme one more time I will shove those oils so far up her a––” “Jo! Look, Ali, mommy’s here!” Alex interrupts her just in time. he doesnt blame her. those private school moms are quiet the handful. every time, one of them has the nerve to hit on him. “and I swear, if one more of those moms hits on you in front of me, im going to backhand her with my engagement ring on. no hate to most of them, but theyre too much” they end up ending Gracie, and Ali and the rest of the kids to public school just like they had grown up in and did just fine. 

crashes sleepovers with embarrassing stories

oh one hundred and ten percent Alexander Michael Karev. he will find any moment to break out embarrassing stories and photos. hell, even when Zola, Bailey, ellis, Sofia, Harriet, scout, any of the bunch come over he’ll embarrass them too!  

gives the crazy nicknames

not really either of them (that ive figured out in the moment) (the kkc kids do not have crazy nicknames yet) (we jsut have Gracie for Greyson, Ali for Alice, and CJ for Cristina Jo. Alexis goes by Sissy because of Alexis and Alexa and Eli usually goes by bubba seeing as how that’s what the twins have called each other growing up with Izzie and that stuck) 

thank you so much for these! I loved loved loved doing them! even threw in some KKC universe things so if yall have questions about that feel free to ask I will share! tho there is yet to have a fic out about them yet… its been a bit difficult with writers block /: 

[cleaduvalls]

i watched all 20 episodes of spy kids: mission critical in about a week and here are my thoughts (3/5)

1.9

i havent watched this in like 2 days i dont even remember what happened last time

why is everything in the desert the desert sucks

alsjhiajgdf i love tom kenny

listen i know hes like a superandroid or whatever but i really hope he and therese fall in love

wait hold up. i thought they already had midterms???? like the did that before scorpion went to her fashion shoot. AND they were kupkakkes midterms. whats up with this school

no drinking in class???? rude. let them hydrate

that seems imbalanced

aHh

thats only like 10

also that book is dummy thicc

its ok ace my nose whistles too

shut up carmen youre just jealous because shes pretty

there are no seasons its a desert

ok dude stop breathing so hard

he JUST said that

anywhere between an hour and umm... 11 months

you put it on one page why are all the pages back

me but with physics

thats literally the best line in the whole series

juni how do you not know that you were at a safe H O U S E

theyve been gone for like 2 hours are they not allowed to study?????

what even is AWOL???

absent without leave. neat

talon gives off some big draco energy

tick tock???? how dare you

slkdhfa she called sir awesome honey shes such a mom

dont make it obvious

oh look they made it obvious

roll credits

i was in cleveland when i watched this episode - well actually i left that day - and i was s h o o k e t h

also hes right. no spy would be in cleveland. theres 3 buildings

oh me too

right bc shes the only “I.A.”

ew

eW

this isnt HARRY POTTER. or maybe it is. talon is a hardcore draco

oh right bc swearing is for Men™

update tumblr decided to break AGAIN (im boutta cry btw) so we lost about 5 minutes from the end of 1.9 and 7 from the beginning of 1.10

1.10

its a DOORBELL do they not have those in the outback steakhouse

lots of people. doofenshmirtz, other people who i cant think of right now, etc

???? no it wont????

did your troop leader not give you The Talk??? you NEVER go in the customers house

ace no. youre allowed to not buy treats

theres a triforce on her vest, too

shes just gonna go to another house yall. shell be f i n e

oh my God shes holding hands with mauly im gonna c r y

yeah its called saliva

nope only scorpion lives in a castle

stop bringing up spy sense and tell him you saw her glare at you

HES ALLOWED TO LIKE FOOD

how do you know that he doesnt have his phone if YOU dont know where it is and HE cant tell you

i love how she says "floor. ceiling. more thumb"

haha i found the birth of venus

oh and the creation of adam

hes like squidward, which would make sense bc goldies voiced by tom kenny who voices spongebob

"sebastian oliver" "shadow operative" S.O. nice

why do you have a trailblazers badge. youre 4. i didnt get one til i was a cadette

also sebastian???? isnt that the toymakers first name????? you cant have 2 sebastians

also why do you have braces. youre still 4

"SIR MEANIE FACE" IF SOMEONE SAID THAT TO ME ID BE D E V A S T A T E D

SCORPION LET HER CRY SHES F O U R

so really, spy sense DID help

oooooh, sentry duty, thats gotta hurt

WHAT THE H E C K YOURE F O U R

she looks like frickin plushtrap

aCE NO YOURW GONNA D I E

oh trust me they hurt me more than you know

dude theyre so thin youre f i n e

eh, still worked

clicking her teeth together so hard must H U R T

i think she can get out of there. also shes concussed now

why was that so quiet. why did it get louder

thats not a y shape

no, they spy kids

oh shiitake mushrooms thats what THEY said

whenever they say pinnoquinoxx i always think of pinnochio

ahdhhsjak i miss pizza parties 😔

well now we ALL expect it

also, no one????? pick a cooler code name. your regular name was cool and now youve ruined it

2.1

oh theres finally a skip intro option. im not taking it

stop saying that its weird

EWWWWWW CRUSTY THATS SO G R O S S

haha shes shopping w the goon. love that

oh yeah i didnt get to tell yall yet but i absolutely h a t e gablet

a lot of people, juni

listen i know a jt (but he doesnt go by jt) and uhhhhhhh were not gonna go there

why are you happy. what about second semester makes you so happy

boi thats a tardis

the design on his hoverboard looks like the aperture science logo

i paused to read the Floops label and it says "fried corn and sugar loop shaped breakfast substitute, net wt. 13 oz" ITS NOT EVEN A CEREAL ITS A BREAKFAST SUBSTITUTE IM C R Y I N G

listen i know hes technically scorpions dad but i dont think he can legally be in the dorm rooms

aww, thats sweet

i dont think gablet has an attached printer

gablet always sounds like shes mocking people

oh dear God its dolores umbridge

haha nerd

awesome no im gonna die

whenever carmen yells she sounds like link

ok so i didnt find a reason why she sounds like link but i DID find that theyre making a wherea waldo tv series so uhhhh thats fun

why does the cat have a bandaid

GABLET S T O P

OH!!!!!! ON THE WALL!!!!!!! ITS THE TUMBLR POST WITH THE FORK AND KNIFE ETIQUETTE PICTURE!!!!! YOU KNOW THE ONE!!!!!

oh no fart jokes

its even the basic fart sound effect

BAHAHAH MY PHONE VIBRATED AT THE SAME TIME HE FARTED THAT WAS WEIRD

oh no i hate him

stop SLURPING

uh yeah???? you heard them yelling about it

how??? does that work??? you cant just like catch electricity in a cup.... can you???? i havent studied it since 4th grade

oh worm??

goldies such a boomer

worm??

psi shouldnt be at the drawing board right now. he also shouldnt be confused

what happened to the lasers

wait nvm we havent gotten to that episode yet

ace is valid, dark is Scary

im gonna punch gablet in the face

that doesnt sound realistic

do you not have stairs??????

dont you mean inside AND out??

that flashlight did NOTHING

how did it die so fast?????

who else would you be talking to??

isnt that bowser from the mario movie we dont speak of??

i havent gotten a chance to tell yall but i absolutely love clemp. hes such a mood

hes the greatest spy

does it use a mini transmooker???? ig it doesnt bc gablet works but thatd be lit

SEE SHES IMMORTAL

me when i see something interesting

ME WHEN IM NOT ON MY PHONE

i dont think you can legally say that

you killed her

me

wow nice promo

also just???? bring a charger????? like youre the tech girl why do you not have one at all times

how?????? did you go so fast

machete electric bubbles??? nice

just task manager him

mother of all boards sounds like it could be a cuss...mother of all fuckers

also throwback to 1.7 when she says "his ai firewalled his motherboard" i keep expecting her to say "his ai firewalled this motherfucker"

yes i said keep ive watched that episode too many times to count

worm??

why did you giggle and make a flirty pose. are yall supposed to get together???

did you????? kill him????????? holy shit

2.2

thats what my dad does. he loves hospital corners

idc what it is you have a bazooka

ok if it was a spider id get it, australia has some deadly ones, but does it have deadly ants too???? like is that a Thing????

also ants in your room are gross

was that just a cameo??? i dont remember what happens in this one

haha because he said grapevines and wine has dregs and wine is made of grapes

for the boys??? thats so cute

listen idc how evil you are EVERYONE should cry over otters

so one of the parents has a sister or sister in law named roxanna..... hmmm.......

if you dont use your turn signal h*ck u

hes gonna D I E

i just looked at my shoe and i think theres blood on it???? what the h*ck

suspicious??? about.... what???? having fears???? not being perfect?????

juni that was awful wording

JUNI WHAT DID YOU D O TO HIM

like i know what he DID but the way it plays out makes it seem like something significant

i thought his name was heavy meddle not.... deth metal???? thats how the subtitles spell it

hahah me

he sounds like bling bling boy

yeah ik im a fool thanks for reminding me

what are you gonna do??? kill juni????

POOR WORD CHOICE JUNI

oh he gives exactly 0 h*cks

a shoe doesnt make that sound

crack bugs?????

see thats why you dont mess with things

im a god among boys??????? what????

did you... kill them????????????

thats any australian person

theyre so stupid i love them

good i hate her

i thought the gunk just like... disappeared from the guitar but actually it shot off

he died... 😔

uhh.... yeah????? was it not obvious?????

me when i have 5 dollars

[creacherkeeper]

So in a world where Mack is now Fitz's other half/best friend, can you just picture Hunter and Jemma striking up the weirdest friendship ever? He paid just enough attention to Bobbi's science babble for years to keep up vaguely with Jemma, she likes watching his shows with him. They build minecraft servers. Hunter finding out she stims and buying too many fidget spinners because they're 'fun' and it annoys May, he thinks.

seriously it is Too Many fidget spinners and while jemma appreciates the thought behind the gifts, finally one day she’s like hunter. i dont even use these. i only carry one around with me because you steal it and like to play with it. and hunter has a bit of an Existential Crisis a) because he honestly thought he was doing something good here and wow he just fucks everything up doesnt he and b) she was carrying them around ?? for him ?? and maybe he hasnt fucked everything up after all 

jemma discovers that hunter’s preferred drink is not in fact beer, as he will claim, but wine coolers. like. the really fruity ones. obnoxiously fruity. jemma hates them but whenever she drinks with hunter she’s always like look i bought wine coolers! drink them with me! and pesters him until he gives in and “drinks that girly shit” and she just. silently suffers through it because she knows he secretly loves them. but she cant tell him she knows because she is in fact a Good Friend, and she also might be saving it to blackmail him with later 

talking bad about bobbi is 100% of limits when theyre dishing about exes. but hunter still has a ton of wacky stories to share anyway, because boy has gotten into Some Shit. jemma doesnt really have any stories so she just sort of ...... makes some up. partially because she’s trying to get better at lying/improv and partially because Fuck It he Can’t Win she will Not allow it. so she makes up increasingly improbable stories about her exes and like. hunter knows. he knows she’s making them up. he knows young, goody two shoes jemma did not actually get into all these messes. but he always acts appropriately shocked and is like “no way! what happened next!” and loves the way her eyes light up 

usually they watch british sitcoms together, because no one else ever wants to watch them with them, but after a particularly hard day they watch nature documentaries. hunter honestly is so bored by them, but jemma just goes off either complaining about the narrator and their lack of thorough facts, or telling him about this one time my friend was in the field and he accidentally attracted twenty-seven sugar gliders to his camp and you’ll never believe--. the science does nothing for him but seeing her so honestly enthusiastic and animated just makes him happy 

he’s actually the first one to crawl into her bed after a nightmare, and of course he tries to play it off super casually and is like oh im just cold, coulson keeps it so cold in here, and he sticks his frozen toes against her calf just to prove his point. but it’s not like she can’t feel him shaking, the thick quality to his voice. so she doesnt say anything. just puts a pillow between them and is like if you cross this line i swear to god. and she hopes he’ll have the same decency when she crawls into his bed a week later, quiet and anxious, and he does. he huffs a laugh about how chilly the base is at night and hands her a pillow. she doesnt put it between him, but they dont touch either 

it kind of becomes a game like. let’s see what fucking weird things i can make hunter eat. because he will honestly eat ?? anything ? she makes ??? he seems to trust her implicitly, which kind of awes her but she also like. isnt going to not mess with him. so she makes sandwiches of the absolute weirdest combinations, and he just eats them?? and always says theyre good. and she makes pancakes with weird toppings and he just. will literally eat any of it. and always comes back for more. it confounds her but she also kind of loves getting to play around with her ingredients because sometimes she actually creates something really good 

hunter introduces her to mario kart and like. jeez. he knew she knew curse words, he’s not that daft but. he’s also never heard some of these words and isn’t sure she’s not just making them up. everyone steers clear of the area when they play. they all have The Fear. and hunter honestly should too, what with how much she threatens him during, but he’s too enthralled to have a sense of self-preservation 

[imeverywoman420]

Not me being denied a 3rd time.... i swear to god no more games im going to have a hot bf with a huge dick (preferably hispanic not for any Reasons but whenever im too general with my desires its difficult for me to stay focused and i get distracted by possibilities n i think if i mentally focus on the specifics it will be easier for me to go with the flow when i see him).... HUGE dick. etc etc. super physically affectionate. Will not let me pay for anything. did i say huge dick Like i wanna be tore up from the flo up if you catch my drift. we‘re gonna go on adventures together and go sightseeing and have sex in fancy hotel rooms and drink fancy wine and champagne ane mimosas.........

i know its possible to have all these things i manifested them before literally just by consistently writing my desires down and focusing on projecting it onto people and its like theyre puppets they fulfill my desires without knowing... but the things i wanted came from different men. But like in rapid fire speed. im gonna get a real bf this time.