#i swear ive posted this here before but i cant find it for the life of me
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hollyhorseheads · 8 months ago
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this is my banner btw i just stretched it out. i loooove a good stretched png...
below the cut is alt versions!
ok here. the picture its based on + the image without the bg being a bit blurred* + the image without blurring OR text. if you want any of this separately lmk cause like i still have all of this saved as separate layers
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* i blurred it to make the the text slightly easier to read LOL
also fun facts / notes about the image:
i spent a frankly ridiculous amount of time looking for those picsart sticker filter overlay things?! like i swear ive found them so easily before but idk... as we get further from 2020 relics are hard to find....
holly has the femme flag on her cheek in the third image and hol horse has the butch flag in the fourth image!
the overlay/border thing is the lesbian flag in the third pic and the nonbinary flag in the fourth one, i'm sure most people know those flags but like why not write it down for those that dont ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ anyway i didnt wanna just overlap both because that looks bad but to me hollyhorse is a nonbinary lesbian couple. theyre both enby dykes i hope this helps
cinnamoroll is there because i found that sticker on picsart and i love cinnamoroll too much to not use that immediately
the button in the bottom right of the fourth picture says "in dykes we trust" (and like god bless. yes we do.) and the button pinned on hol horse's shirt (also in the fourth image) days "it's a bitch being butch!"
the background is just the cover to pitbull's album "global warming meltdown" idk it was that, tilted towers, or bliss (xp). but i used the last one literally not even a week ago(?) and i use tilted towers as a background ALL the time. so i spiced it up a bit. also im listening to pitbull right now
the speech bubbles are based on that one like jungkook(?) (its a kpop boy i think its jungkook.) roleplay reply tweet screenshot that has those exact lines in ridiculous fonts. that image turns 4 this year... i cant believe i ever lived in a world without 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚. ???
thats it i think... this post is dedicated to hollyhorse nation but especially strawbeebap on twitter. ive never talked to them in my life i dont have a public twitter anymore 😭💔 if someone who does sees this pls tell cal strawbeebap i say hi and thank you for carrying hollyhorse nation 🫡🫡🫡
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hontou-baka · 4 months ago
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relationship ranting idk
blurgh i hate when im slapped with similarities between my ex and my current bf
I got married without a wedding, or rings, or anything traditional, to my ex so I could use my own tax info for school (plus it seemed like a safe risk in a seven year long relationship lmao). The semantics of it were clearly unimportant to my ex (i had to buy us both rings, and again, no wedding) and i felt embarrassed bc those things are important to me, so we never told anyone about getting married really.
Now that I'm close to getting the divorce done before baby comes, my bf is talking marriage. But in the same "just for the legal benefits" way. And i do want to get married... And i know it would help his taxes and whatnot... But my heart breaks thinking about doing the exact same dumb thing again, and idk i can make myself do it. Like... Sorry, prove im important enough to you to spend a couple hundred on a cute ring, get some photos of us taken together, hell even if he saved money for a nice elopement trip thats fine! I feel like aggretsuko with the donkey guy... Tadase? Idk i dont remember. Im sorry im kind of basic but as a cisgendered white woman that was raised mormon, ive dreamed about a beautiful wedding and feeling loved and celebrated since childhood... I think i should stand my ground on this :/
Another thing. Both have sleep issues and expect me to get up with them in the morning to help them get ready so they can sleep in as much as possible. And im made to feel bad about it if i complain because i dont have sleep issues. Im sorry you havent bothered your whole adult life to find a way to manage with your sleep problems, and im happy to make you food while you shower here and there, but that should not just be expected of me! And its not reciprocated! Its not like i make him get up with me, i would just leave him be and let him sleep because... I love him? Want him to be comfy? Ugh.
While im venting, ADHD IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO NOT DO CHORES REGULARLY!!!!! I DONT CARE!!!!! IF HIM AND I DONT WORK OUT IM GONNA HAVE ADHD BE A RED FLAG I SWEAR TO GOD BC EVERYONE I KNOW W IT REFUSES TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO LIVE WITH IT!!!! Im getting beyond furious that he has to be asked FOR EVERY. LITTLE. THING. You eat and use dishes. You put your dishes with the other dirty dishes. Thus. YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE PILE OF DIRTY DISHES... MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY. YOU CANNOT USE THE "OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND" EXCUSE IN OUR TINY ROOM!!!! YOU CAN *SEE* THE FULL LAUNDRY BASKET THREE FEET AWAY FROM YOU!!!! YOU CAN SEE THE GOD DAMN CHORE CHART TWO FEET AWAY FROM YOU I MADE SO YOU COULDNT USE THE "BUT IDK WHAT TO DOOO OR HOW TO HEEELP" EXCUSE!!!!! YOU CAN SMELL WHEN THE CAT TAKES A HUMAN SIZED SHIT AND KNOW YOU NEED TO SCOOP TOMORROW!!!!!! YOU!!!! JUST!!!!! DONT!!!!!!! *WANT TO*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the funniest fucking thing is i TRULY wouldnt mind having a more "traditional" setup, id be fine doing 90% of the chores if he even worked 20 hours/wk consistently. But im thinking as soon as i feel recovered from birth i want to find a job myself because he just lets his anxiety win too much and cant hold a job, and i have actual goals in life lmao 🤪🤪🤪 but if i made him a stay at home parent im sure id be coming home to a world of frustration (things that need done never being done). Im just at the end of my rope bc with chronic mental and physical health issues, i get he cant do what most people can (same goes for me, not as severe on the physical side tho) but god it so often feels like weaponized incompetence. And i think it partially is. Ive talked to him about this over and over and it always ends with "just tell me or ask... Even though you shouldn't have to..." BUT THATS THE POINT!!!! IM NOT GONNA BEG YOU TO HELP ME KEEP OUR LIVING QUARTERS NOT MISERABLE, MAN!!!!! USE YOUR EYES AND YOUR HEAD!!!!
I joked about banning war thunder for a week post birth and he seemed shocked id even think about asking him to not game for a week (his only hobby/leisure activity). Idk.
ok that feels better i guess ill get back to my mashed potatoes
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zebulontheplanet · 1 year ago
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Can you give me some advice? Lately I've been getting access to a lot of the things I need, some of those things being diagnosis and work. My circumstances are really different from other autistic people and have a hard time relating to the high-masking/invisibly autistic crowd, but I don't know if I have a place with higher support need folks. I've had a store keeper job for two days that almost ended in a meltdown and me seriously mishandling machinery people can normally handle that could've left me with irreversible bodily harm, and now I have an option to do something related to my special interest. I have a really hard time with transportation and handling safety outside, am semiverbal, shut down at the drop of a hat etc. which my parents go back and forth between saying that I can't be independent or that I can learn if I try/with time. My personal intuition about the extent of my disability(which is the problem, I haven't fully seen it yet) might be.. uncomfortably more impactful than people around me think. My family has subconsciously made a somewhat accommodating environment for me to not completely break down, and they've always significantly supported me. But contending with the idea I might be significantly disabled is hard. What if people are right, if I "apply" myself I won't be so disabled. But also, this could end in a massive meltdown/regression, and feel that people around me are being a bit overly optimistic. I don't know what to do or think. Thank you for reading.
Hello! I relate in a lot of ways. Before my regression i was semi-independent and my parents were sure that i'd be fine independent in life. i even held down a few jobs even but had to leave due to burnout and physical health issues.
Growing up i never saw people like me. People who couldnt mask very well, people who stimmed a lot, people who were just in the middle of things if that makes sense. That was until i came onto social media, specifically tumblr. I now feel like i have a pretty good community and have a lot of good mutuals! I swear i have a point here!
My point is that you will find your people eventually. And if you cant find your people in the high support needs community then maybe search in the medium support needs community. There arent many of us on tumblr but we're definitely here. It takes time to find where you belong, and honestly ive been trying to build up the community myself! Thats why i started posting. You definitely aren't alone in this. Also, whoever said if you just applied yourself you'd be better is an asshole! You're disabled, and thats ok. I wish you the best of luck!
im sorry if this isnt what you meant, you didnt exactly ask a question. if you need more advice then lmk!
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kurjakani · 6 months ago
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hey I'm too shy to ask off anon but do you have tips on finding illustrator work in finland. I have zero marketable skills besides drawing but I have NO idea how to find people who want to hire me
(Im gonna answer in eng since you msgd in eng but im gonna tag this w fintags in case someone has extra tips- im a super beginner in my work area so im sure there's other more compitent ppl out here who might wanna add answers etc? :0)
OK SO IM SUPER W U im like ass at anything that isnt art, like, i tried a lot of other stuff before i succumbed to doing graphic design/art as a job bc i just did so bad at everything. Which, im sure ill be doing a bunch of other stuff on the side throughout my life because IT. IS NOT EASY!!! ITS A SUPER HARD JOB TO GET WORK IN!!! I mean im on the medicore side as an artist so it might just be me but LMFAO. I dont wanna scare you off but it is tough HOWEVER. yes there are things you can do ill readmore this tho
I think the easiest to get into IS like. private commission work. The usual "drawing ocs or fandom stuff" for people. It requires a lot of self marketing- building a platform, making your art a desirable object. Im planning personally 2 open comms again after my current gig is done, and ive been hearing good stuff about the small business options osuuspankki offers- re: being able to do the billing via paypal &helping w the taxing which makes overseas work a LOT easier to figure out. I cant swear on them personally tho since i have not used their services before, but i can give more info in abt a month when Im planning on looking into them more! So. Online market yourself. (you can ask further on this but this post would be too long if i get into that, also im not like a master of this), commission work. PRICE YOUR STUFF RIGHT, Look into how long it takes you to make your pieces and create an approx. price based on your hours spent working. And then price higher.
As for a lot of the stuff i do&post about here. I personally DID start w education, which, i am incredibly lucky I could. I studied graphic design/illustration in Ikaalinen, its a really great school which i can recommend if that is an option for you. I could talk abt it more but I think the main things i got from that education was a) making connections b) learning how printing works which is INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT. If you want to work in book illustrations which i have done, I recommend looking into the technical aspects of printing on your own. You can learn it online definetly. As for connections, thats a little tougher, but really anything beyond for me has been. Just making a portfolio & CV and emailing and asking for work. Its tedious and annoying but yeah.. Other options im aware of for illustration work is like. in advertizing (though its kinda rare to do ILLUSTRATION), game companies (theres a lot of other stuff you need 2 learn there tho)... Ik some ppl sell their illustrated products eg. stickers, prints etc, but idk anything abt that section. In finland its rly tough bc you rly dont. I like got curious and just googled "kuvitus töitä" and yeah theres just Nothing. It is abt looking for where illustrations could be (looking for small book publishers, looking for childrens books writers specifically and reaching out to them, etc etc) and reaching out and being a pushy bitch its AWFUL its my least favourite part of this job but it is. Yeah..
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jupitercl0uds · 1 year ago
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hi! i'm ash
they/them/xe/xem • panromantic • asexual • non binary • autistic (with suspicions of having adhd) • english • atheist quaker • a tad bit silly
been on the tumbler since 2021 so i know my way around here but i dont get every little reference (i get most and for the ones i dont i just nod and smile along). i am still a teenager so some Classic Posts are older than me and most are from when i was in primary school.
i dont really have a sophisticated tagging system, but if it helps, spouting to the void is my text post tag. i dont even strictly use it for text posts tbf
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blogs i run:
this one (obviously)
@blues-amazing-blog - oc blog (currently on hiatus)
@wswe-autism-fic - fanfic blog (for waluigi says 'wa' everyday until dekuyama is popular). i also treat this as an alt account for fandom stuff sometimes
@knuckles-with-a-keyboard - silly little blog where i pretend to be boom!knuckles (i really really love this blog its so fun)
@jupitercl0uds-art - my art blog (shock horror)
@nonbinary-sticks-the-badger - my sonic blog
external links (whoops forgot to add this)
maybe one day ill set up a linktree idk
ao3
letterboxd
twitter (i only use this for posting from my switch now)
spotify profile
dm me on discord: jupitercl0uds
i think thats it
click this link for more external links including some of the above ones but specifically how to contact me if i cant use tumblr
interests:
omg i love so many things its not even funny. a few important ones are waluigi (special interest), sonic the hedgehog (special interest AND hyperfixation (omg please kill me)), art (like, as a general thing, but particularly visual) and you WILL find me randomly posting oh-so-passionately about something ive never even mentioned before.
i do animation and illustration but that's over on my art blog. also all my animations are WIPs. you probably won't find anything other than a few weird lip syncs from when i was like 11 (i got into animation because of gacha life and animation memes). most of my art is sonic atm lol.
i also read and write fanfic! my wattpad and ao3 is jupitercl0uds :D
wattpad is mostly old stuff, crack and occasional reposts of my ao3 stuff. ao3 is mostly whatever is on my mind at the moment and WSWE.
misc
occasionally i get all heated up about actually important stuff. that's usually sandwiched inbetween my regular goofy goober behaviour. for the basic gist of it: very left wing, the tories are cunts, vote green, free palestine. you also need to understand the weight of that sentence because i hate swearing.
i have other socials too but i dont really use them that much. got bored of twitter and i forget about all my other accounts. only ones i use now are whatsapp (lmao), tumblr and i guess ao3 and wattpad. theres no real point in linking something i havent used in months
anyway, have a nice day and please go to bed on time!
faves (non-exhaustive)
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AUTISM BOY!!!! ANXIETY GUY!!!! MILES 'TAILS' PROWER!!!! he's been my favourite sonic character since i was little!!!! except for that brief period where it was amy because i found out tails was a boy and i, as a 7-year-old girl who had just learned about misoginy, decided amy was better because she was a girl. and that briefer period where it was cream because she had confetti in sonic dash.
my favourite iterations of him are scu tails, classic tails and sonic boom tails!!! i h/c him as autistic, having anxiety, low self-esteem but also being really cheerful and nonchalant about a lot of stuff. i enjoy trans tails of all kinds, but i believe in cis gnc tails.
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NON-BINARY ICON!!!! TOP SURGERY GUY!!!! WALUIGI!!!! call me thomas jefferson cause i have an entire binder on this guy. waluigi is THE blorbo from my spin-off-party-shows. i got into him because 'hahahaha! it is the funny garlic man's funny rose partner!' and that became 'they could marry me and i'd say yes on the basis that we'd get to see each other everyday, even if i only love him as a friend.
im very passionately hateful about 'hot' waluigi. shut up. waluigi is perfect. i hope he can be canon one day <3 i h/c him as autistic, transmasc non binary and really into gothic lolita. i interpret their relationship with wario as romantic partners and waluigi being super super poor. also, wlw mlm solidarity with rosalina!!!!!
anti-faves
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dr starline i love a bisexual icon as much as the next person but starline is not it. i want him to Suffer. which is why i then go on to make loads of fanart of him where he's crying over something. in the one shown above, i have just kicked him in the balls (full image). i also would love to be a VA for him because that'd really piss him off. good style tho. you go girl.
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manjimutt (sorry but i only have 1 image of him)
hello to the other living yokai watch fan out there. i hate manjimutt. when i was younger i felt sorry for him, cause i was like 'oh, poor guy, always going to jail!!!' no. die. i do not like him. i hate manjimutt. i do like saying his name tho. MAnji-mutt! i think i hate him more than starline, because at least starline has redeeming qualities. the only redeeming qualities manjimutt has is pity because hes not actually committing crimes. thats it. hes not a nice person. hes just a guy. hit him with a wooden plank (har har).
that poor poor poodle though
posts i like
idk posts on my own blog i like a lot. idk if thisll be A Thing because im literally only doing tthis because of the first post on the list
recognising a url and the chaos that followed
stuff about my lgbtq+ identity idk
THIS IS HOW MUCH I KNOW ABOUT SONIC OK!!!!!
can you call me that slur?
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arbitrarycategories · 2 years ago
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Arbi, before I went vegetarian (don’t worry this isn’t one of those posts ok i’m not here to shove my ideology down your throat ok i swear im just a regular dude who fucks with leaves a lil more than regular and damn lets be real ok cheese is fucking phenomenal, but Arbi listen to my point and stop gettin me on tangents here i swear the fucking nerve on some of you people god damn.) before I went vegetarian I loved arbys i fucking loved having a big ol wavy beef and cheddar with the onion bun and just absolutely smothering that bad boy in a gallon of arbys sauce and I know what you’re thinking youre thinking, dude, shoefuck, not original ok ive heard it its really not funny and I agree Arbi i do i really do I assure you i have not arrived upon the threshold to your life for the soul purpose of bringing you misery through poorly conceived attempts at humor. No, instead the reason I find myself before you today is a multi threaded tale of ups and downs the complexity of which rivals the nature of the universe itself. My primary goal was to simply let you know that you have reminded me of a happy time in my life, a time when things were different, not better, simply different, as both of us know change can be at times both things at once or even neither should it so choose. Secondarily, despite the cosmic circumstances of our fateful encounter, I do have a single, and most virtuous request, a request the likes of which has the potential to absolutely rip and tear the fuck out of the validity of capitalism as we know it.
listen Arbi. I need your help. Together were going to dismantle the illusion of an iron grip that the elites have held over our very own people for far too long. They have lied and stole with impunity for their last time on this planet, we will delegitimize their rule, destabilize their support systems and most importantly make a mockery of the ground they stand on and the air they continue to cycle through their leeching lungs. This one has been in the works for ages now Arbi. It may seem like a small initial first step, but so too is the first domino in a game of yahtzee. Arbi I’m sorry, but i need you to say bazinga. Its the only way. Ive connected all the red strings and it all ties back to a singular source Arbi. By simply harvesting bazingas and infusing them with unbridled absurdity we can create a social wave off the back of the big bang theory, which will send out of touch media execs into a scramble as they try to figure out what they did, when the answer is nothing, bug bang did nothing Arbi, it was us. It was the people. And together, in a moment of grand glory we will all realize the power that we hold together. But i cant do it alone arbi. None of us can do it alone. Its up to us. Each and everyone of us arbi. Do it for doki doki literature club. Do it for ecco the dolphin. Perhaps most importantly: do it for knuckles the echnida.
I don’t know anything about those last three things BUT I recognize you from fighting with my friend Yellow, so, just for having the balls to pick a fight with them, here you go:
Bazinga
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hey-hamlet · 4 years ago
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BNHA AU Ideas : Link us All
Also on AO3! 
TL;DR:  
Users of one for all both past and present can kinda telepathically communicate, something only worked out during the entrance exams when izuku was so scared it went through the link. 
Izuku decides to abuse this side effect.
so: in this au, users of one for all can kinda telepathically communicate, something only worked out during the entrance exams when izuku was so scared it went through the link
all might has no idea what to do so he just sits there looking increasingly concerned as the exam goes on, nezu asks him what the fuck and he kinda mumbles that it seems like his successor is unwittingly psychic
the other teachers blanch, nezu just nods like "ah, i see. fair enough"
anyway, pretty similar to canon other than the vestages also chatting more freely with izuku and izuku getting peptalks through his brain from a very dadly allmight
then, the usj: all might gets there a little earlier bc izuku is brain screaming, aizawa is like "hmmmmmmmmmm. successor, huh? couldn't be crazy bone kid, could it?"
and then they vibe, pretty normal sports festival; then the whole stain thing happens
after it all izuku has a breakdown coupled with a really stupid but really good idea
he askes all of 1A to meet after school, they chill in one of the training grounds, and izuku explains part of one for all
"so, i cant tell you much, but my quirk is weird. it was passed from my mentor to me and its kind of - linked us - in a way. we can talk without words, we know when the other is in trouble -" "so, you're basically psychic but with only one person?" "yeah, shinsou. but - what if it wasn't just one person?"
and he explains his bat shit crazy idea
after hosu his biggest fear is one of their classmates unable to get help because no one can find them. and if wielders of one for all, past and present, can communicate mentally? Well
why not make all of 1A past wielders
and he immediately goes back on himself like "I understand if you don't want to, this is weird and permanent and we'll all be connected forever and I can understand why you wouldn't want that I just -"
bakugo just growls out "i'm in" and it doesn't take long for the rest of the class to agree, all eagerly talking about what they could do together and how smart izuku was and he just cries because hes so happy he can help keep everyone safe
A lot of the AU from there is just Shenanigans
Aizawa is unaware of his student becoming suddenly psychic. All Might is not, because hes one of the people they can yell at if they want to. They typically do not yell at All Might because hes just the mysterious mentor, they only find out hes actually All Might after Kamino when Izuku is just screaming into the link for All Might to win.
They use the link 50% to quietly antagonise teachers that aren’t All Might or Aizawa, and a bit to piss off Monoma. They will finish each other’s sentences and it’s driving Mic up the wall.
Nezu worked out what was going on almost instantly and thinks it’s the best, craziest idea anyone has had in his school
And, because they have all held one for all, each other them have a little bit of that strength stored away for times of complete panic. Bakugo at Kamino? Why not throw one of Izuku’s arm breaking punches and throw half of the villains into the next city over. Kirishima in the fight with Rappa? Let’s just say one for all enhanced Hardening is very very Like – rip Rappa’s hands tough.
The school festival act is fucking flawless too. Izuku is like “so I’m fighting a youtuber, give me a minute” and all of 1A nods sagely while Bloodking watches on and shivers faintly.
Psychic dorm children is fucking wild. At this point Aizawa knows something is up but when he mentioned it to Nezu the guy just laughed and laughed to he figures its not too worrying, but it’s really really confusing when your students all leave their rooms at roughly the same time to have a midnight snack party in the common room with seemingly no prior planning.
It’s weirder still when Iida, unprompted, gives him a list each day of students who are feeling sick/injured or out of sorts – with Izuku sneaking up afterwards if Iida is one of those students and left himself off.
You know the “life is so weird this might as well happen?” that Aizawa and 1A at this point.
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blueskittlesart · 2 years ago
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Could you do post-calamity Aryll?
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i SWEAR ive done other post-calamity aryll drawings before but i cant find them on my own blog lmao. she's around 18 here. i cover my headcanons for her post-calamity pretty extensively in my loz doc, but basically i like to think she becomes a sort of field medic for injured soldiers and adventurers, and later in life gains a reputation as a witch who makes healing potions :) (here she'd be in her medic days tho, she doesn't become known as a witch until much later)
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inosukeslefttoe · 4 years ago
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SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??
but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.
so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 
oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 
god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE
next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.
okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 
so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.
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itsallmightbitch · 5 years ago
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Stitches (Part Two)
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Ya’ll, I wasn’t planning on posting this yet but when I actually checked, I realised that if I didn’t- Part Two was going to be over 12,000 words. So I had to split it again. So, you can look forward to a Part Three! I also, sort of, accidentally maybe, wrote a teeny tiny lil’ bit of plot. 
Tagged: @kittygonyan​ @mrsreina​ (If you’d like to be tagged in Part Three, give me a shout!)
Pairing: Villain!AllMight x Reader
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Blood, Swearing, Threats of Non-Con (Not made by our boy All Might and not said explicitly though).
Word Count: 6800+
Summary: A phone call makes you question just how the biggest bad in Japan feels about you. You discover just how All Might was injured and things get just a lil’ bit steamy.
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He was gone for over half an hour and you’d spent that time preparing the dressings you’d need for him. The wound was in a semi awkward place- just below the dip of his collarbone, so you’d had to dig out the gauze tape.
All the while, you attempted to calm the rapid, dizzying beat of your heart.
 Those damn breathing exercises that Ivy had taught you were doing jack shit, especially with the feeling of his hands still imprinted firmly on your hips.
 Were you really going to do this tonight?
 It wasn’t as though you hadn’t danced around him for months now, the unyielding pull of his orbit spinning you closer and closer until the inevitable collision. But as you stood on the precipice, feet towing the line and looking into the abyss… there was still some trepidation.
 Was he just doing this to prove that he could get into your pants?
 Where the hell would it even go? He was, at his core, a villain and nothing you could do or say would ever change his nature.
 Not that you would want to. You weren’t here to ‘fix’ him in any other way but physically.
 Yet, despite all of the reservations that swam in your head, you couldn’t deny the chemistry that had always bubbled between you. Especially in those moments that you forgot just who he was and he was just idling around your apartment with you. Those moments made you just as hot as when you saw him pummelling some wannabe hero on TV.
 Making him coffee while he fixed your kitchen sink. Actually… finding out that he could fix a kitchen sink had been jarring enough. Bickering over which movie to watch, when you knew he was going to win like he always did- but arguing with him for the fun of it anyway.
 That day you’d found out that he did a fucking wicked impression of Endeavor and you’d howled with laughter- then caught him looking immensely proud of himself afterwards.
 Even now, the memory of it made your lips quirk in a stupid smile.
 Seeing that side of him made it so easy to separate him from the man the rest of the world saw. They weren’t privy to all the things that made him unique. Would it really be so wrong of you to give in?
 The filthy promise he’d made still rang in your ears.
 Slow, hard and all night long. Your thighs clenched in anticipation.
 Your phone buzzed cheerily on the side table and the coffee you’d made for yourself in his absence sloshed against the side of the mug when you jumped.
 An unknown number usually meant one of two things. Either All Might was calling you to ask how to perform some horrible mutilation on a person without them losing too much blood- or Ivy was calling for a chat.
 Since the former was currently using up all of your hot water- seriously, thirty five minutes now- you correctly guessed that it was the latter. You answered, immediately perking up at the sound of her voice.
 “Babes, is that beefy idiot of yours there? His little henchmen have been tearing apart half of the city trying to find him,” she said, not even bothering with hello. You tutted. Of course he’d just up and vanished without giving anyone a hint that he was okay.
 “Hi Ivy,” you said pointedly and you could almost hear her roll her eyes at your insistence of politeness. “Yeah, he’s here.”
 She grumbled.
 “Ugh, will you please tell him to call off his goons before I have to kill any more of them for disrespecting me,” she said, like murdering henchmen was all too taxing for her. You knew differently. She was probably enjoying the change of pace. You half smiled, shaking your head.
 What exactly was your life? Passing messages between villains like some kind of sentient answering machine.
 “Hold on. He’s in the shower,” you said, escaping the soft light of the living room and heading in the direction of the still -goddamn it- running water. His clothes were piled where you’d told him to leave them and you were oddly touched to find that he’d arranged them in a way that the bloodied parts weren’t on your carpet.
 He could be considerate when he wanted to be.
 Biting your lip, you eventually worked up the courage and knocked on the door. You knew that he was grinning from ear to ear, probably expecting you to barge in and simply toss your panties over your shoulder while you were at it.
 Hmm. There was plenty of time for that later.
 “Did you miss me already, sweet thing? Am I that irresistible?” he said, his tone all deep and buttery and the image of him stark naked and soaking wet stole your voice for a moment. You couldn’t help but wonder if he was taking so long because he was- taking care of himself.
 Your stomach whirled pleasantly at the thought of him stroking a hand along his thick-
 “Hey! Don’t forget to tell him that they have like, zero manners. I’m appalled at how rude they all are. This is no way to treat a lady!”
 Ivy’s irritated voice turned away from the phone for a moment. A crunch and a half-halted scream told you that she was more than handling herself against All Might’s minions.
 You licked your bottom lip, squeezing your eyes shut and trying not to picture him behind the damn door again. Otherwise you’d never get out the words you needed to say. You’d get your chance to join him later, when your dumb obligation as his doctor wasn’t coming first.
 “Um, Ivy says your little minions are out of control again. You might want to deal with that, big guy,” you informed him and you heard him swear loudly, a colourful mix of words that would have made a sailor blush.
 The water, at long last, shut off.
 You hadn’t really considered what would come next, despite the fact that he’d clearly left his pants- and by extension- phone right next to where you were standing.
 The door opened and you suddenly had a face full of muscular, soaking wet chest. You barely even noticed his smug expression, too busy trailing your eyes down and focusing with laser like precision on the trail of blond hair that started at his bellybutton and vanished underneath his towel.
 All Might had a fucking happy trail. How had you not noticed it earlier?
 Oh yeah. All the blood.
 You had died. You were dead and buried and this was Heaven and of course your version of Heaven would have a soaking wet, naked super villain in it.  
 Every brain function ceased and all you could register was the heat of the steam billowing out from behind him and the aching urge you now felt to catch the lone water droplet that was rolling down along his abdomen with your tongue.
 It dipped into his bellybutton then out again, before soaking into the towel that he’d slung low around his hips.
 “You know, as much as I’m enjoying your reaction sweetheart,” he rumbled, openly amused by your gaping, idiotic staring. “I do need my phone before I lose any more men to the sewer rat.”
 “I fucking heard that, you jackass!” Ivy screeched and you were brought back to reality, aware that your face was now glowing red.
 He leaned down past you and fished his phone from his pants pocket and you could feel the sweet, water warmed heat of his skin as he passed so close to you. You resisted the urge you suddenly felt to throw your legs over your head.
You didn’t even know if your legs could do that and Ivy might not appreciate having to wait any longer for a reprieve.
 When he straightened up, he grinned at you and it was… different than his usual cocky smiles. This one was toothy and almost soft and his free hand came up to your chin, gripping it much like he had earlier. Except this time, it wasn’t to threaten you.
 It was to bring your lips to his in a nipping, hard kiss that took the air out of your lungs.
 Hnnng.
 “Soon kitten,” he murmured, biting your bottom lip once more playfully. “Don’t forget, this was your bright idea.”
 He winked at you before retreating back into the bathroom. You remained standing on the other side of the door for a long moment, cursing yourself for being so worried about him when you could be splayed out underneath him right now- morals be damned.
 You only remembered that Ivy was still on the line when you heard her voice asking if everything was okay.
 Fuck, it was more than okay. Not long from now, you were going to have that between your legs. More than ever you wished you hadn’t skipped all those yoga classes because this was going to be... challenging. 
Said legs carried you shakily back down the hall and away from the temptation to break the door down while you waved your bra over your head. 
Sexy.
 “He’s um- he’s calling someone now,” you cleared your throat, choosing not to sit on your bloodied couch and instead canting your hip against your dining table. “Sorry Ives. If I’d have known he was AWOL I’d have made him call sooner. I know what those idiots are like…”
 His henchmen were notorious for running riot without him there to rein them in. He was, surprisingly, like seventy three percent of their impulse control. It was a shame he lacked any himself.
 “You know, I’m not even surprised any more,” she tutted. “He could have at least let one of his lackey’s know before he went and squared up against- wait-” Her voice paused just as she reached the bloody good bit and you fought the urge to interrupt. “Maybe he’s been too busy to phone anyone… Wanna tell me what you’ve been up to?”
 Ivy knew what had gone down tonight by the sound of it. But she was also distracted and you knew you would get nowhere without indulging her curiosity first.
 “Oh yeah, he’s been super busy getting a big ass gash on his shoulder stitched up. Not much time for phone calls,” you hedged slyly. Ivy didn’t need to know he’d also been busy with his mouth on your neck while you attempted not to moan like a a porn star. Definitely a detail that could be left out.
 “Not going to lie sweets, I was convinced you were going to say getting a blowjob.”
 “Fucking hell, Ivy.”
 “What!? There’s nothing wrong with getting busy after a life threatening situation. I’m amazed that you both have so much restraint,” she said and despite your irritation over these villains all up in your personal life, you couldn’t find it in yourself to disagree with her out loud. “You said he was all sliced up? Did he tell you how he got it?”
 Interest?
 Piqued.
 “No! He’s being really secretive about it,” you said hurriedly as though Ivy would hang up on you at any second. She wouldn’t but you were far too eager to hear this story and your brain refused to function normally. “Do you know?”
 “I’m not technically supposed to, but well… henchmen talk darling, especially under the threat of pain…”
 “Ivy spill,” you said, dragging the word out into a whine. Ivy loved to tell a tale but you were impatient now. You wanted to hear what had happened before he came out of the shower. Not just because you didn’t want him to catch you snooping in his business but also because there was the promise of fantastic sex to come too.
 “Oh sweets, do I have a story for you,” Ivy squealed gleefully. Your heart beat hard in your chest in anticipation and you hoped that she wouldn’t drag it out too much. “I hope you’re sitting down for this because it’s just, mwah-” she made a kissing noise and you snorted.
 “Ivy, come on. While I’m still young.”
 “Tut tut, there’s no rushing a good thing. Or do you like it fast?” she teased, flirtatiously.
 You rolled your eyes and tutted into the phone, not in the mood to be teased. At least… not by Ivy.
 You checked over your shoulder- in case All Might had snuck up on you or was lurking in the doorway. He had a habit of doing that, just to make you jump. But he was nowhere to be seen, probably still on the phone, berating one of his second in command for their bad behaviour.
 You hoped it was Shigaraki getting a talking to. That guy gave you nothing but bad vibes.
 “So, I take it you remember last week, when you and I dished about that weirdo you treated? You know Hinata Cash?” she said his name almost cautiously as if worried that being too quick would bring back the memories before you would be able to handle them.
 You made a strangled noise that could have been agreement as your brief but memorable encounter with Hinata Cash came rushing back from the deep, dark part of your memories that you’d shoved it into.
 A chill raced along your spine.
 “Are you okay, sweets?” Ivy asked cautiously.
 “M’fine,” you said, clearing your throat. You wouldn’t let the mere mention of the creep make you uncomfortable. Ivy still paused until you reaffirmed that you were okay with talking about him though. “What about him? Is he still being a disturbing son of a bitch?”
 Your bravado was all show. You both knew it, but Ivy continued like she bought into your act.
 “Well, it turns out he was quite the talking point in some circles... Not enough to play with the big boys like your honey bun,” she said, probably giving the phone a shit eating grin. You didn’t even berate her for it and the teasing tone she’d aimed for fell away awkwardly. “But he was doing enough to get himself noticed. He’d started coming in to the Golden Cat on weekends. A few of the girls there told me about him…”
 “All good things, I bet,” you said, rubbing your arm nervously. There was really no reason to feel nervous, not with your door locked and All Might in your bathroom, but that didn’t stop tendrils of unease winding around your neck.
 “He started going by Scissorhands- Ugh, it was tacky if you ask me,” she sniffed primly. Never let anyone tell you that Ivy wasn’t a class act, you thought fondly. Still, the name made your insides twist uncomfortably. From what you’d seen on the snippets of news reports that day- he’d certainly lived up to his chosen name.
 You had never been truly frightened in all the years that you’d been treating criminals. Even during that first meeting with All Might, you had never felt like you were in any immediate danger- so long as you kept your mouth shut and remained respectful.
 But Cash…
 He was the type to cut your throat because he didn’t like the colour of your curtains or some shit.
 His entire visit had deeply unsettled you and set you on edge for days afterwards. Even now, despite the fact that he hadn’t delivered on his ‘promise’, you couldn’t really settle.
 Every movement he’d made that day, every little twitch of his hands had caused your body to recoil and had it not been for the tight hold you had over your Quirk, you might have done more harm than good.
 Thankfully, it had been a straight forward procedure but from the way your body trembled, you’d have thought it was your very first time all over again. He’d picked up on your nerves from the moment he’d sat down, leering whenever you flinched.
 Glass and debris had become embedded directly under his left eye from the bank robbery he’d partaken in, just hours before. It had been on the Channel Five news, which was partly why you were so on edge. His fingers had still been bloody from the security guard he’d literally torn apart.
 Heavy set, with wide shoulders and contrasting sharp features, you knew that had he made a move that day, you wouldn’t have had a chance to fight him off.
 The shaking of your hands had thankfully been negated by your Quirk.
 Precision wasn’t the most amazing Quirk in the world but it was particularly useful in your line of work. Being able to hit your target despite the shaking of your hands had saved you precious time.
 Quick, yet terrified, you’d cleaned up his face and as politely as you could, tried to see him out. But his hand had clamped down on your thigh, too high for comfort and your whole body froze- your eyes staring unseeingly past him.
You couldn’t breathe in anything more than quick, frightened gasps. He seemed to revel in them.
 You felt like a rabbit in the jaws of a wolf, seconds before the deadly bite.
 He’d leaned in close, his breath repulsive and sour and you’d thought of a million ways to escape in those few seconds- none of them even remotely useful.
 “I really appreciate this, Doc. It’s hard to find a woman with steady hands like yours...”
He had lifted one of them, examining it. 
“Wonderful quirk. So useful... I can see why All Might likes you so much. I think I quite like you too.”
 You had prepared for the worst. Mentally written your last will and testament and prayed to God that when he was finished with you he would just leave Marco be- the thought of him harming your cat suddenly far more prevalent in your mind than what was going to happen to you. 
Strangely though, he’d simply gotten up from the chair, stroked your cheek as you sat there like a statue and then let himself out. Not before throwing his parting remark over his shoulder, though. The one that had been haunting you all week.
 “I’ll see you again real soon, honey.”
 Naturally, you hadn’t gone after him for the payment he’d skimped out on.
 Hell to the no. Instead, you’d locked your front door, hyperventilated for a good fifteen minutes on your living room floor and then much to your embarrassment… you’d called All Might. 
For the first time ever.
 You had passed the call off as some dumb suggestion that he come over for pizza and a movie, like you were best friends and not potential-fuck-buddies. You hadn’t even had the strength to hide the tremble in your voice, nor the will to throw in any bravado. It had been a brutally honest call- one that you had never wanted to make.
 It was like letting him see the real you. Removing that final barrier between you that might hold you back from feeling anything real. That conversation had changed something, you thought. Something deep.
 “H-Hey! I know I never call like this but... I-I… Could you come over?”
 Your voice had been small and shaky, with you on the verge of tears- even though you would rather die than let them fall over someone so vile.
 There had been a pause on the other end, mid-way through whatever sarcastic thing he’d been about to berate you with.
 “Please?”
 You had added that without even thinking about it, voice catching and the grip of Cash’s hand still burning on your thigh. You had thought, in that silence, that he was going to brush you off. Either that or demand to know what was wrong. Thankfully, he did neither.
 “Ten minutes.”
 The longest ten minutes of your life. He had found you pacing a hole in the floor of your living room and petting the ever-loving bejesus out of Marco- stressed to the max. You’d locked eyes with him and he hadn’t even had to ask if you were glad to see him. Your face said it all.
 He hadn’t asked what had happened and you hadn’t told him… but he’d stayed anyway. A real villain, that one.
 “Sounds about right to me,” you scoffed, tone disgusted at the thought of that… that man. “Ives, I don’t scare easily, you know that... but I know full well what he wanted and it wasn’t a back rub. What does this have to do with why All Might turned up injured?”
 You felt unsettled at having him brought up out of the blue. You’d been quite happy to forget all about him and the way that his gaze had made your skin crawl.
 “Everything. The word should be getting out any minute now, about our dear departed Tim Burton knockoff.”
 You paused, startled and unsure if you’d heard her right.
 “Departed?”
 “Oh, he’s very, very dead darling,” Ivy said lightly, as if she was just telling you the weather for the day.
 The relief that washed over you was momentous and almost made your knees give way, causing you to grip the table for support. He was dead. You were free of the lurking shadow of fear that plagued your days and nights. The one that robbed you of decent sleep because you were jumping at every little noise in your apartment.
 “Is it bad that I just wanna say ‘Oh thank God’?” you replied, breath knocked from you. Ivy laughed. She sounded just as pleased as you felt.
 “You won’t be the only one, I’m sure. He must have put up a halfway decent fight, if it took you that long to stitch up a little old cut,” she said, pointedly as though waiting for you to work things out. She was probably disappointed that she didn’t get to see your reaction when you did.
 Oh. Holy shit.
 “All Might killed him!?” you squeaked, then lowered your voice drastically in case he heard you. “Are you fucking with me right now, Ivy? Because that’s not cool.”
 You didn’t really know how to feel about it, if it was true. You were more than relieved that the looming shadow of Cash was gone forever but regretful that somehow, All Might had found out what you’d tried to keep from him and had gotten himself hurt in the process of doing something about it.
 “It’s true,” she said, confirming it. “You and I both know I hate giving that overrated blowhard any credit… but something had to be done about him. Cash had it coming, either way. There are plenty of girls at the Golden Cat who’ll be glad to see him gone.”
 You swallowed hard. Your silence was more you being concerned over All Might’s well being than over the fact that he had killed a man tonight. He’d killed plenty of people in the time you’d known him.
That wasn’t about to destroy the image of him that you had.
It was more the deep seated worry that always gripped you when he was involved in something dangerous. Usually, you could worry yourself sick over the news broadcast and at least then, if anything happened, you would know.
But tonight, he’d gone out there and gone one on one with a man who could rip people apart from the inside out- and you hadn’t even known. What if he’d never come back? What if he’d died because of you and word would get back to you, weeks down the line that you would never see him again?
Something horrid lodged in your stomach.
 “Won’t he get heat from other villains?” you asked to distract yourself, rubbing the top of Marco’s head as he trotted past- blissfully unaware of your minor breakdown. “Isn’t there some… I dunno… Code of conduct or something? Honour among thieves?”
 Ivy snorted, obviously amused at your blatant lack of knowledge. You would think that someone as deep into the criminal underworld as you were would at least know a little about how things operated. But no. 
You chose to remain blissfully ignorant.
 “Hmm, well here’s the thing. The King makes the rules and All Might, well… as much as I’m loathe to admit it, he wears the crown babes. Who the Hell is going to argue with him?” she asked and you bit your lip, the fear of retaliation lessening.
 It was no secret that he was both feared and respected- enough to keep even the toughest of the tough under his thumb. There wasn’t a Hero or Villain in the world who could realistically take him on, one on one, and win.
 That thought relaxed you and the horrid sensation lessened. It didn’t leave entirely, but it receded enough that you could breathe again.
 “Anyway, to cut a long story short… Cash wasn’t exactly secretive about what he liked to do to girls. He was always running his mouth and tonight, he came in absolutely singing about some pretty little Doctor that he’d fallen head over heels for…” Ivy said sourly, obviously not enjoying this part of the story.
 You enjoyed it even less. It didn’t take a genius to work out just who that Doctor was. Your hope that he’d just been trying to scare you when he threatened to see you again had been futile, apparently and you were suddenly so glad that you’d asked All Might to stay that night.
 “ You’re pretty well known yourself around here, sweets. Did you know that?”
 You hadn’t known, no, but you kept quiet.
 “It didn’t take long for a few of the regulars to work out just who Cash was talking about. Word got around like wildfire and eventually got to old Shigaraki himself. From what I’ve heard through the grapevine tonight, it took five and a half minutes from Shigaraki calling his boss, until All Might was storming the Golden Cat.”
 Damn, there had been you, badmouthing Shigaraki not ten minutes ago in your head. If it hadn’t been for him telling All Might, who knows what would be happening to you right now?
 You made a mental note to be extra nice to him the next time you saw him.
 The thought that Cash had been interested in you made you shudder, sickened at the thought of him even thinking about you like that. Your body felt grimy and you resisted the urge to run to the bathroom and scrub yourself clean.
 All Might was officially your fucking hero and he could pry that word from your cold, dead hands.
 Sure, he would be horrified at the implication but that didn’t make it any less true. Maybe that’s why he’d brushed off your questioning earlier, being difficult when you wanted to know how he’d been injured.
 You caught yourself grinning stupidly, attempting to hide it by biting your lip. You realised that there was no point. Ivy couldn’t see you anyway.
 “So, I think the message is officially loud and clear. No-one fucks with the good Doctor,” she laughed, all angelic and sweet and you beamed down the phone, laughing along with her. You felt a heady sort of rush as the realisation that you were safe again sunk in. That the villains you had helped and minded and treated like people over the years had heard that you were in danger and had come to the rescue in their own way.
 The realisation that… that he cared. Deep down, past his angry and irritable nature, he really cared.
 “Ivy, I-”
 Without warning, two large, muscular arms wrapped around your waist from behind and you might have jumped had All Might not buried his face into your neck and rumbled a low, lazy growl, like a bear waking up from hibernation. He nuzzled you with a deliberate slowness, lips pressing warm against your throat.
 “You still talking to the sewer rat?” he murmured, sounding annoyed because he knew you wouldn’t hang up on her just because he said so- and so he would have to wait as patiently as he could until you were done.
 On the other hand, it was an opportunity to rile Ivy up as much as possible.
 “It’s Vagabond, you overgrown man child,” she hissed down the line, all previous goodwill towards him gone from her voice.
 All Might ignored her, choosing instead to tug you back until you were plastered against his chest and he could lay his kisses along your shoulder- even though he still had to stoop down to reach. How did he even get so tall? Your breath caught in your throat, longing and gratitude fighting for the number one spot.
 He wasn’t going to stay patient for much longer and neither were you.
 “Listen, I gotta go, Ives. Love you, babes,” you said quickly and she cackled manically, well aware of where you were rushing off to in such a hurry. This was only proving her right. She would be insufferable for weeks now.
 “Love you too, sweets! Try not to break anything. Like the building.”
 You hung up to the sound of her laughter and turned in All Might’s arms, surprising him when you pulled him down for a kiss. You were long past the point of worrying about morals and right and wrong. There couldn’t be anything wrong in wanting him like you did. In knowing that he protected you and cared about you in his own way- no matter if he never said it out loud.
 He broke away, smirking.
 “Someone’s eager,” he ground out, hands sweeping up along your sides. His thumb brushed the underside of your breast and you pulled in a shaky, uneven breath. “I bet you’ll be fucking soaking…”
 Well, he wasn’t wrong. Those intense eyes trailed over your face, lingering on your lips until he locked his gaze with yours.
 “Thank you,” you blurted out, without meaning to.
 One of his eyebrows quirked, amused.
 “You’re thanking me for making you wet? That’s a new one on me sweetheart but sure. I’ll take the credit where it’s due,” he laughed cockily, one hand on the back of your head as he dove forward again and kissed you roughly. This one was all teeth and tongue and your knees shook, suddenly feeling thankful that he was holding you up.
 You moaned softly, powerless but confident under his touch.
 There was no pushing him back, no sliding your tongue into his mouth because the man was a force of nature and practically every inch of him was pure muscle. So you were content to let him take what he wanted from you, for now. Later you would find a way to turn the tables- to make him the quivering pathetic mess.
 Right now, all you wanted was to find out all of the ways he kissed.
 The angry ones, the lust filled ones, the sweet ones. The good morning kisses and the I’m happy to see you kisses and all the fucking kisses in between. You were off to a great start. You sighed, tangling your fingers in his hair and stroking your thumb in a circle on his scalp.
 He melted under your touch and deep down you revelled in the fact that he was just as affected by you as you were by him.
 “I um,” you stuttered, swallowing hard when you reluctantly pulled away from him. He looked as though he wanted to follow your mouth but for a change he let you speak. “I didn’t mean thank you for- for that.”
 “For what?” he asked knowing full well what you meant, his tongue darting out over his bottom lip.
 “For…” Your face heated quickly, without you even realising it.
 Without warning, a hand was shoved between your already shaky legs and he pressed upwards, cupping your pussy and dragging a half halting, surprised moan out of your throat. He almost took you off your feet and your fingers wrapped over his biceps to steady yourself.
 “For. What?” All Might asked again, applying pressure in all the places you needed pressure applied. Oh you were well and truly fucked and he hadn’t even gotten you naked yet.
 “Cause if you’re blushing now, kitten, then I can’t wait to see what you’ll be like when we really get going,” he continued, nuzzling along your cheek and rubbing his palm over your aching pussy. “M’not a mind reader. You have to tell me what you want. Where you want me. How hard you want me to pound into you. I wanna hear you sobbing my name like it’s the last fucking thing you’ll ever say tonight. Think you can do that for me? Hmm?”
 You were gripping his arms for dear life, trying to focus on the steady heaving of your lungs. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
 “Yeah, yeah, I can do it,” you promised, almost without hearing the words come out of your mouth. “I promise.”
 “Good girl,” he purred encouragingly and you just about lost your shit for a few seconds, along with any sense you might have had left as the praising words repeated on a loop in your head. “Now, I’ll ask again. What weren’t you thanking me for?”
 He was grinning wickedly against your cheek, eyes boring into yours.
 “For making me wet,” you responded finally, when your tongue no longer felt like it weighed a hundred pounds and you remembered how to speak actual words and not just garbled syllables.
 He groaned- actually groaned like you were the one touching him, instead of the other way around and it sent a shivering wave of heat spreading out at the base of your spine. Your clit throbbed mercilessly under the heat of his palm.
 “Christ kitten,” he said, voice hoarse. He didn’t pull his hand away like you thought he would though. You were still sensitive from your little dry humping session earlier and the pressure he was applying was agonising torture for so many reasons.
 You both knew he would pull away though if you even tried to set the pace. He’d made it perfectly clear that he was in charge.
 “Now, what were you thanking me for? You’ve got me all curious.”
 You felt dizzy and the words didn’t exactly come easily. The heat radiating off of his bare chest was intoxicating and so was the sight of all those well defined, rippling muscles so easily within reach. You indulged yourself, seeing as you hadn’t been able to earlier. You lightly trailed the pads of your fingers over his pectoral muscle and down at a steady pace, over the hardness of his abs and then to the tempting, glorious V shape that led under-
 Your smile came unbidden to you and he noticed, knowing immediately what you were grinning like an idiot about. He was wearing the pajama pants you’d gotten him.
 They were simple, nondescript pants like any guy would wear but… you’d gotten them in his favourite colour and he’d actually put them on.
 You’d expected him to either stay in his towel or well, just get the clothes out of the way entirely.
 “Yeah, yeah,” he snorted, releasing you when he realised that he’d gotten your attention in an entirely different way. The loss of sensation between your legs was more than worth it to see him standing there, a little awkwardly, with his arms crossed. “Don’t be a jackass about it, for fuck sake. I just didn’t want to have my dick out when I was eating dinner.”
 “Like that would bother you,” you beamed and he grunted something petulant that you didn’t hear.
 “You gonna tell me what you’re thanking me for, or what?” he said after a moment, ignoring the obvious erection that was tenting the front of said pants. You found it very, very hard to ignore but dragged your eyes up to his face after a moment anyway. His self assured smirk was expected.
 He knew how attractive he was and what it was doing to you. Damn him.
 “Cash,” you managed to say after a moment and it clearly didn’t answer his question. He looked at you like you were an idiot.
 “You… want cash? Here was me thinking you weren’t a whore,” he cackled, pleased at his own cleverness. You were less amused, punching him lightly in the arm. The shaking of his shoulders didn’t stop but at least he was no longer laughing out loud.
 You were trying to spill your heart to the big jerk and he couldn’t stop mocking you for more than five seconds.
 “Come on! Stop being a dick,” you scowled, arousal now tainted with annoyance. He rolled his eyes and scrubbed a hand over his slicked back hair, his laughter dying after a moment.
 “Alright, alright! Explain yourself, woman,” he swept his hands out, metaphorically giving you the floor.
 “Hinata Cash,” you elaborated, expecting the penny to drop. But when he continued to look lost, it slowly dawned on you that he’d never even bothered to learn the guys name. All he’d known was that he was going to do something to hurt you and… that had been enough for him to go on. Your heart thrummed in your chest. “Um, Scissorhands?”
 Much like they had earlier, his eyes darkened, flashing a sudden warning that it wasn’t something he wanted to discuss. Unlike earlier though, you ignored it. Answers to your question were just out of reach.
 “Why are you bringing up that motherfucker?” he asked gruffly, then swept past you almost dismissively before you could answer. He disappeared into your kitchen, his back to you. Not the reaction you had been expecting. The heated air had vanished- as had the playfulness he’d exuded moments before. “Way to kill a mood, doll.”
 You suddenly regretted opening your mouth. He hadn’t told you- and if he hadn’t told you, there had been a reason for it.
 “Shit,” you hissed softly to yourself, listening to him stomping around the kitchen behind you.
 You turned and followed him, pathetically useless against the part of you that longed to be near him. Besides, there was no taking it back now and you were burning up with curiosity.
 Why had he killed Cash? Why had he even bothered himself at all?
 Most of all, you wanted- no needed to know.
 Had he done it for you?
-------------------------
(Part One) (Part Two) (Part Three)
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newtedison · 4 years ago
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my thoughts on the crank palace
i touched about this a bit on twitter (@newtedison_) but i figured i would Try and touch on my points more here (spoilers obv) again, its sort of lengthy
1. im gonna start with talking about the ending because i need to get it out of the way. either i havent read the books in a while and i forgot some canon (which could very well be true, i literally forgot that Bliss was a thing) or this ending makes no sense and is (somehow) setting up for a tdc sequel? so first off, newt was shot in the Head with a Bullet and somehow didnt immediately die? i know that that can happen in real life but it just seems so unlikely that not only would he not die, but he would survive long enough for someone from WCKD to transport him back to their labs and try to revive him. and who the fuck was he talking to? did thomas get newt’s journal at some point and i just dont remember? like i said, either im forgetting stuff or this ending doesnt make sense and is setting up a sequel which...i’ll get to later
2. why was this written? like, what was the point? i understand that this wasnt going to be all sunshine and rainbows but i feel like i was reading torture porn. like, literally all that happens is newt gets tortured (which is described in detail) by WCKD soldiers, has bouts of insane-fueled rage where he KILLS MULTIPLE PEOPLE, and then he dies. ??? what did this contribute to the canon? what was this trying to accomplish? truthfully, i never really wanted a newt-POV...well, anything except for maybe those little nuggets he wrote some time ago. but even if i HAD wanted a newt-POV novella, this is not what i would have wanted. he KNOWS that newt is almost universally the most loved character in this franchise. you can tell because he constantly uses him as a way to get fans in his good graces again. so why on earth would he take that character that so many people love and write a novella where its torture porn and a descent into madness before death? i am not interested in that At All. i’ve read fics (and even written a drabble) where newt is a Crank, and those were more respectful and easier to read than tcp. the parts where newt is having bouts of the Flare were literally exhausting to read; it was described in such vivid and torturous detail that it made me sick reading it. and it didnt help that newt is a character i care a lot about. i didn’t need to know what becoming a Crank felt like. the way it was described in the other books (and even the movies) told me everything i needed to know. the way thomas and everyone found newt at the crank palace in tdc and hes described as obviously not well, but not knowing what exactly happened to him...thats good enough on its own. the mystery of what exactly newt had to endure is part of what gives his journey more emotional depth. not everything needs to be written out and explained. not every gap needs to be filled in. 
3. me saying “the characterization felt off” is going to make some people roll their eyes because ‘duh, sami, the characterization will be off because he’s going insane’ to which i say...exactly. we weren’t really reading a newt-POV novella, were we? even if he isn’t past the Gone in the beginning, hes clearly not the same person we knew him as. the whole novella felt like an uncanny valley situation; i knew i was supposed to be reading about newt, but it felt like i was reading about someone else who looked like him. and that is part of what made this such a disconnect and made me lose interest at parts. not only that, but the world building and lore is inconsistent. newt makes a comment about how it used to rain in the glade, and apparently (as ive been told) that is simply not true. keisha having somehow working cell phone that magically connects her to her family also doesnt make sense. how would they have each others’ numbers? what are the odds that they BOTH found working cell phones in an apocalypse? i get that its a novella but you cant just throw something that crazy in there as a plot convenience. actually work on your plot and world building in a cohesive way, please. and another thing that doesnt make sense...
4. ...is newt finding out that sonya is his sister. if there was anything i would have wanted from a newt-pov novella, it would have been this. him finding out that not only is sonya his sister, but he already knows her post-WCKD. something that would have made this novella actually captivating, contributing something worthwhile to the canon that i would actually want to read, is if newt found out while in the crank palace that sonya was his sister; the Flare would remove that part of the Slice in his brain, and he would realize it was her. then, knowing that he couldnt go past the Gone before seeing her, he would try to find a way to get back to her. he could learn this after thomas and everyone originally see him, so it could match up with the canon. and then, by the time 250 comes along, hes lost all hope of that actually happening, and lashes out to thomas in a fit of rage. the journey of him trying to find his ACTUAL sister would have meant more to me than the story of keisha and dante. trust me, i love a found family trope as much as the next girl. but this series is FULL of the found family trope. it pretty much is the backbone of the franchise. so to see a blood family dynamic would have been a refreshing change of pace that i actually would have been interested in reading. also, the way that newt DOES find out about sonya is...underwhelming. he just randomly says “you remind me of my sister, sonya” to keisha in the WCKD truck. first of all, sonya is not the name you would actually know her by. you would know her by her birth name (which is lizzy? elizabeth?). second, why does he act like he didnt already meet her in the series? when the WCKD doctor tells him sonya is his sister and is alive, hes so surprised. wouldn’t he have known that already? why is there not more emphasis on the fact he already met her? that would have been a really interesting dynamic to explore, and im sad they didnt
5. the pacing and dialogue of tcp is so dragged out. i remember specifically there was a section where newt goes to talk to keisha after she starts abandoning dante, and i swear to god there was a page and a half of text before anything ACTUALLY happened or anyone ACTUALLY said anything. dashner described a launcher at one point as “the energy dependent electric firing projectile device.” that’s SIX words to describe a stun gun. a fucking stun gun! we know what it is! why did you have to use six words??? it just felt like everything was dragged and stretched to the longest it could possibly be and it added to the exhaustion i felt while reading it
6. okay i cant end it without talking about newtmas. its very obvious by now that newtmas is a VERY large part of this fanbase. its clearly the most popular ship and what keeps a lot of people interested in this series. even the marketing team for the MOVIES used newtmas as a advertising tactic (i.e.; using thomas and newt standing face to face as a thumbnail for the trailer, emphasizing newtmas based questions in interviews, even making a fucking facebook memories video for them. yes that last one is real). not only does dashner use newt as a way to lure fans in; he also uses newtmas. the parts that were sprinkled into this were so obvious that it didnt feel authentic. i cant speak for the original trilogy; i dont know the culture around ships back then, and i dont know how much it influenced his writing at the time. but the scenes in those books felt more genuine than tcp. by genuine i mean; he wrote scenes without a relationship in mind, but the chemistry had noticeable subtext that, while unintentional, was largely agreed upon by the larger audience. the parts of newtmas he added into tcp felt artificial and forced, likely as a way for people to take snippets of and use as a free marketing tool for him. one example you might have already seen; “he had already gotten used to his post-thomas, post-WCKD life.” the fact that dashner SPECIFICALLY used the phrase “post-thomas” rather than “post-his friends” or something similar shows that he is using newtmas as a hook on purpose. not only that, but to make newt’s last thoughts as he died “tommy. tommy will understand...” is...wow. first of all, i never wanted to know what newt’s dying thoughts were, but thanks, i guess? and second, when we all initially thought newt died underneath thomas with a gun to his head, i was pretty much inferred that newts last thoughts would probably be about thomas; they would sort of have to be, given the circumstances. so adding that in gives me the same feeling that “i’m coming for you, newt” at the end of the fever code gave me. not as offensive, but written very much on purpose. and the ending is implying that there will somehow be a sequel where thomas gets newt’s journal from...someone. at this point, i can only think that this sequel will retroactively make newtmas canon somehow. now that newt has been confirmed as gay, it could happen. which brings me to my last point...
7. hearing dashner confirm newt is gay was already mind-boggling before. now that i’ve read the crank palace...im angry. im very angry. i think its safe to say that newt is the character that suffers the most in this series. you can argue with me but hes definitely high on the list, if not #1. so; you take this character. you give him a horribly sad arc in the original trilogy, then decide to expand upon it and tell us, your largely QUEER fanbase, exactly how painful and torturous his last days were, in detail. and then you tell us he’s gay. something that is never mentioned in the canon, only in an offhanded reply to a tweet of someone calling you out. on a base level, i can understand why people would be happy. representation (i guess), seeing themselves in the character, having their headcanons be confirmed. great. but what i see is you telling your largely queer fanbase “hey, you see the only confirmed gay character? im going to literally write torture porn about him before killing him off and offer it to you like im providing a service to your community.” how fucked up is that? “hey, kids, if youre gay, you WILL be violently tortured and become violent and a danger to the ones you love. then you will die and your love will never be reciprocated.” what a message! and if he DOES end up retroactively making newtmas “canon” in some weird sequel...i will start foaming at the mouth. THIS is an example of how not all queer representation is good or genuine.
i’ve definitely forgotten some points but this is long enough already. let me know if you agree or if theres anything else you want to add! im interested in what you guys think
(8. I JUST REMEMBERED!!! if WCKD needed to study newt so bad bc sonya is his sister and is immune while he isnt, why did they let him run around the crank palace in the first place??? you cant test his vitals or anything you’re literally just watching him. what is the point????)
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rickriordanfandam · 4 years ago
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opinions on riordanverse ; my edition
a lot of people have been doing this so i decided why not right. probably gna lose some followers or smth but anyways. pls respect my opinions! if u disagree, thats fine, but please be polite. unless any of my opinions strikes u as morally wrong then pls point it out to me respectfully. thanks!
- i actually liked drew. im so sorry to everyone who hates her but full offence, why. think about it this way ok, first of all drew became hc because silena died. silena was the traitor, the one who betrayed chb, yet after she died campers celebrated her as a hero? and then drew suddenly has to replace her and live up to idk that legacy she left behind,, when all of a sudden this girl named piper swoops in and takes her place. idk abt u but i wld be salty abt that too. not only that, but as an asian, the chances of drew having faced racism/bullying as a child is pretty high (she studies at brooklyn academy). which means that when she finds out shes a demigod, and arrives at chb where most of the campers are white (this is an assumption btw), she’d obviously be scared of being bullied for her skin color right?? so the first thing she wld do before the campers get to bully her is to bully them before they can do so. (sentence structure here is wack i apologize) ofc this might not even have happened, drew could have had a perfect childhood && was a b1tch for no reason, BUT EVEN THEN HER ROLE AS A BULLY WAS PRETTY VITAL BECAUSE THAT FURTHER SHOWED THE CONTRAST BETWEEN HER AND PIPER,, HIGHLIGHTING PIPER AS A HERO//GOOD CHARACTER,, AND THEREFORE MAKING READERS LIKE PIPER MORE. anyway stop hating on drew please. ALSO WHY IS THIS SO LONGA SDFJHG
- jason isnt bland, the fandom just kinda erased his backstory (thanks to @pjohoo-memes for the phrasing lol)
- reynabeth wouldnt have lasted/would have broken up several times. idk i just see them as two extremely powerful characters who have firm opinions and will definitely clash at some point. in a platonic relationship,, i can see them as really good friends but as lovers? idk i just think theyll break up
- PIPABETH
- i dont really like jercy,, i see them as better friends than lovers. also idt jason and percy were that close..?
- the dam and not my type jokes are srsly cringey and were never funny. ik that seems hypocritical since my username literally makes use of the dam joke but honestly i dont actually like the joke. its not funny to me and has never been funny
- the seven were not best friends. they definitely argued,, and honestly probably werent as close as the fandom makes them seem. like ure dumped with 6 other people, out of which u only know a few. my introverted ass would have jumped off the argo 2 quicker than leo valdez could bomb camp jupiter up. also leo was a dick to frank. so what if frank is bigger sized?? thats not a valid reason to tease him
- the fandom needs to stop hating on octavian while worshipping luke. if u hate luke and u say u hate octavian too, then okay. but if u tell me ure a luke stan but u despise octavian?? imma disagree w u. luke was worse than octavian im sorry. first of all, octavian being a dick was kinda justified. hes been after the praetor position for so long, and everyone keeps saying to “wait for jason” when suddenly this dude, whos a son of NEPTUNE (neptune wasnt liked much by romans), and the camp decides to make him praetor?? dude i would be pissed off big time. and then afterwards, he finds out that greek demigods are real and the dude they made praetor is greek. AND THEN GREEK DEMIGODS COME TO CJ AND ONE OF THEM BOMB IT UP?? octavian has been told all his life that greeks are scum and this dude called leo valdez attacks cj. sure it was an accident, but did octavian know that? no. so it was honestly justified that he was such a salty prick im just saying. also some of yall be hating on octavian for cutting a teddy bear open and thats the funniest shit ive ever heard i swear 
- luke didnt go to elysium
- travis and connor stoll r way too underrated. the two have been head counselors of the hermes cabin since luke was revealed as a traitor, can u imagine the stress? luke, the person they probably looked up to as a brother, betrayed them. and they didnt even have time to process this when they were  thrown the roles of being hcs. that would have been so stressful and i would probably have broken down if i were them. the stoll brothers taking turns to wake up at ungodly hours because a new camper is crying and homesick and terrified, the stoll brothers having to comfort and take care of new campers, having to deal with the amount of people in that cramped space because not enough campers are being claimed fast enough. having to resolve issues between campers in the hermes cabin all the time. the stolls arent just comedic relief, and we need to stop treating them as such
- tratie shldve been canon idc idc
- demigods of the demeter cabin arent talked about enough and i love the fact that meg was demeters kid. like she isnt the child of one of the big three yet shes so powerful.
- we need to hype clarisse up more her character arc was phucking amazing 
- rachel is overhated. sis found out greek gods exist and regularly come down to earth to fuck around and went “ok cool”. queen shit behavior methinks
- the floor 19 crew of mcga is srsly underrated. like do u even remember halfborn gunderson, mallory keen, tj, etc??? bc i feel like we only remember samirah, magnus, alex, and sometimes blitz and hearthstone
- sadie (tkc) was kinda annoying at first. i like her more now tho but i rmb not liking her for a phat while
- tkc and mcga need more love
- carter kane and jason grace arent boring. theyre just really sweet boys who are too good for this world and yes yes yes 
- hazel and frank (especially frank) need to be hyped up more. i hardly ever see anything about them. also yall seem to forget that frank was literally made praetor and that even hecate admired hazel and was willing to fight beside her because of how powerful she was
- frazels age gap is kinda sketch but i still think theyre really cute
- nico definitely had trauma from going to tartarus on his own
- GROVER IS PERCYS BEST FRIEND
- annabeth isnt smarter than leo but neither is leo smarter than annabeth. ive seen a lot of discussions about who is smarter and heres my hot take on it: neither. theyre equally smart, just in different ways. leos a genius mathematically speaking. he has no issues solving math problems meant for people much, much older than him. annabeth on the otherhand, is great at strategies etc. she can make an army of 1000 more powerful than the enemy, even if theyre outnumbered. so in my opinion, both are equally as smart//u cant compare their intelligence, because their talents lie in two different areas.
- while i do agree rick riordan isnt a god and that hes bound to make mistakes,, AND that hes given us a lot of representation,, if the representation offends the people its sposed to represent, then theres a problem. im talking about piper as a poc and wearing feathers in her hair. im not a poc, so i cant speak for them on whether or not its wrong, because i dont know either. HOWEVER, i have seen multiple posts BY pocs talking about how they didnt really like rick’s representation of piper, and thats an issue. pocs have been and are still oppressed and discriminated against by many. as a white cis man, we cant really blame him for not knowing (tho he could have done a research,, asked some pocs,, idk), but by representing pocs in that manner, hes influencing impressionable kids/teens into thinking “oh pocs wear feathers in their hair all the time” etc, which isnt true. the pjo/hoo series is extremely successful, and kids who read the books will probably start forming inaccurate opinions on pocs. the amount of fan art that depicts piper with feathers in her hair dont help either. “but rick said so in the books, so its canon” yeah well rick isnt a god and he can get some things wrong at times. im not saying we should cancel him, im saying we should start educating ourselves and not spread false info like pocs wearing feathers in their hair all the time. also that snake song shit where she sang Summertime was just- yeah. bc heres the thing you can be racist, and still include minorities, but portray them in a racist way. And even then, ignorance isn't a thing to admire. Getting those facts wrong still has a major impact. It continues to perpetuate racist stereotypes.
“ With the feather thing, I looked it up myself; it takes less than five minutes to figure out that Cherokees don't braid feathers into their hair. I didn't grow up in the country where my parents are from. I have many other first/second generation American friends who have also been through that, with a bit of a disconnect from their culture. But something that most of us have in common is that when we didn't know something, and when our parents weren't that big of a help, we looked it up. We sought out resources online and through other people from our culture to be able to connect more with where we came from. Some of that took a Google search. So I find it hard to believe that Piper, a girl who Rick's trying to portray as someone who is attempting to connect with her culture and is totally against racist stereotypes, wouldn't know that eagle feathers aren't supposed to be braided into your hair casually. She may be disconnected from her culture, but she's also shown to want to connect back to it. Piper wouldn't be casually braiding feathers into her hair while also telling off people for being racist. It makes no sense.” - reddit thread (down below) 
for those of yall who wanna know more please please read this, it has a lot of things i wanna add in here : https://www.reddit.com/r/camphalfblood/comments/gy3gl2/piper_mcleans_portrayal_is_innacurate/ 
as well as https://finding-my-culture.tumblr.com/post/189422373260/maxie-ratties-and-cattie-finding-my-culture 
i will be posting screenshots of these in future posts so if ure viewing this on ig and u dont have tumblr,, dont worry 
- the fact that most of the strong female characters in the series refuse to be “girly”, and ngl i dont really like that. just because ure girly doesnt mean u cant be strong. 
- piper would have been a great way for him to start making the strong characters act girlier, but instead he went with the “I’m not like other girls” trope which is quite obnoxious to hear constantly, and I don’t think it’s necessarily great for younger girls to read that idea growing up.  the closest we've ever had to a strong female character who was also into "girly" things was Silena. when I was younger I admired Piper's "I'm not like other girls" thing, but then I got older and realized that the whole mentality of "not like other girls" is super obnoxious, and a little bit toxic
i have a heck load more that i cant rmb rn but yeah feel free to add more 
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blanket-hole · 4 years ago
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Im calling this the faberry files cos I feel like a spy when I'm really just very gay
This is just basically timestamps of every faberry moment I could find as I was rewatching season 1-3. I don't know if anyone wants to see it but I just put it here cos why not. I wasn't really planning on posting it but here we are so it features my gay ass commentary. Anyway there u go.
gay ass looks-
-1x04- so far I’ve seen a gay ass look Quinn gives Rachel at 35:36
-1x05-39:50-not that gay but a little bit, also long
-1x09-43:02 she looks so adoring
-1x10-during endless love
-1x11-9:37 voiceover is mean but just look at those eyes and tell me I’m wrong,34:00 she literally looks so adoringly I can’t
-1x12-10:41 pretends not to see her only to look straight (or not) at her
-1x15-35:02 they’re even talking about love at the time and sitting weirdly close for enemies
-1x16-41:30 
-1x20-43:06 I can’t really see where she’s looking under those long ass lashes but I think when Rachel does that little giggle she stares at her while smiling, might just be Faberry goggles tho
-1x22-9:05 I think thats like the cutest smile my little gay heart, 14:23 Quinn is fully checking her out rn like not even subtle they’re on stage
-2x04 16:12, 41:48 at Rachel singing
-2x07-23:19 that could in no way be regarded as a platonic look of enjoying the song, especially since its just started 
-2x09- 43:04 part of dog days but its just so cute them holding hands also weird since they are still meant to hate each other lol
-2x10-6:03 this could just be my Faberry goggles but im counting it :D, 31:20 staring at Rachel while she looks sad
-2x11-11:04 could be at puck but she was looking at Rachel before when they were further apart so imma take the w also Diana looks really cute in this bit
-2x16- 4:27 is being kinda mean but also the way she looks at her <3<3<3 :DD also 5:21 if u don’t want to wait through a bit of a scene and the look then is suuuuper gay, 43:17 she looks so proud of her girlfriend :DDDDD
-2x18-52:49 she looks like such a proud girlfriend in this bit
-2x21-1:29 its only a quick look from Quinn tho
-3x06-28:26 Quinn gives Rachel the GAYEST lingering look at the end of the song (unless my eyes deceive me but I don’t think they do cos I’ve checked like 3 times :DDD)
-3x07- 25:00 this is possible the outright gayest look from Quinn ive ever seen, its during one of the songs but I had to put it in
-3x08- 41:10 the look of joy on Quinns face when Rachel touches her shoulder is just pure gay energy
-3x14- 17:27 ‘for the rest of my life’ looks at Quinn, ffs just get married already, 24:07 she literally bites her lip like wth how is this not canon
-3x19- 39:08 kind of but Quinn looks really happy when he says Rachel Berryand its so cute
Scenes together-
-before I had this idea- the “eavesdrop much” talk, and a couple of other things e.g. the ru Paul scene and the sweetie scene. 
-1x05-41:59 during somebody to love weird foot tap thing
-1x06- 18:34 gay ass looks as well, 22:58
-1x07-21:45, 28:53 (the you obviously have a lot you need to express scene), 32:07 they just get wierdly closer for no reason
-1x09-26:09 not much but still
-1x13-3:06, 11:01
-1x15-34:18 sitting really close together next to each other when they’re meant to not like each other?
-1x20-5:42 they also sit really close and a bit of gay staring
-2x02 35:40 (on left of stage next to mike) they’re seen really close and talking, 38:55 standing unreasonably close and also in weird positions for a conversation, 31:28 Quinn looks really sad when Rachel sings to Finn (could also be a Fuinn thing tho so idk)
-2x04 28:11
-2x08-9:44
-2x13- 30:51
-2x14-8:19 its shortcut the level of gay panic on Quinns face is enough for its own spot
-2x15-0:03 how closeted is it to be the only two in the celibacy club fighting over a guy that neither of them want or need lmao I just think its really funny
-2x16-9:31 the level of gay panic on racehls face when she says she’s right is just a mood, 22:27 I think this is  a scene about miscommunication and Quinn blatantly states that she thinks Rachel is much better than Finn and that she believes in her I have a lot of feelings about this scene but ill leave it at that
-2x17-16:20
-2x18-2:38 not much tho, 10:53 they’re being civil and touchy feely also leads into pretty/unpretty, 21:50 when it pans to Quinn it makes it seem like it would be a Fuinn jealousy scene but she doesn’t look jealous at all just a bit sad i think she possibly is worried about Rachel and while she understands (which is why she’s helping) she wants her to feel beautiful in her own skin sorry if I read a bit too far in lol
-2x20-29:42, 33:12, 35:30 I love how finn last episode said Quinn was so closed off with her feelings and then this scene like maybe she can be herself around Rachel idk
-3x01-10:57 Skank Quinn fully checks Rachel out as she’s leaving in this scene also right after a scene where she said she’s not interested in the boys
-3x05-22:55 talking about finchel tho
-3x08-0:00, 21:54, 37:48
-3x11-14:28,20:00 is also a gay ass look but shes talking to Rachel so I put it here
-3x12-13:09 she only taps Rachel tho
-3x13-15:43 Quinn is acting like the stereotypical ‘gentleman’ and its very Faberry canon esque, to put it the best can
-3x14-34:28 this scene I just can’t the way Quinn lights up when she see her and her voice softens a bit and what she said this is the gayest scene no-one can explain it it a hetero way just ahh
-3x15-10:28 they’re holding hands :DD
-3x19-31:48 
-3x22-23:12 those tickets cost so much money I swear they should have been way better friends after high school pft, 40:15 Quinn looks so proud of her girlfriend
Possible scenes, could be just drama-
-1x09-29:27 could be at Rachel
-2x10-12:40 kind of about being sad about Finn but could be jealousy?
-2x16- 34:47 could be about Faberry but is framed as finchel or fuinn
-2x17- 37:28 probably just finchel drama but still Faberry jealousy
-2x18-17:16 they say how they’re ‘fighting about Rachel again’ and Im putting it in idc about finchel :DD
-2x19- 23:19 more about Fuinn like always in this category but Faberry jealousy
-2x22-2:27, 3:29, 8:25 finchel/fuinn/faberry jealousy
Sitting really close when they’re meant to not like each other-
-1x15-34:18 
-1x19-32:33 
-1x20-19:16 in the scene Quinn kinda checks her out but then they stand really close so I put it here
-2x02 23:24 sits really close to Rachel when she dresses in her Britney Spears costume and in the scene Quinn looks like she’s purposefully trying not to look at her and at 29:20 Quinn chose to sit right behind Rachel again, 39:52 seen sitting right behind her again
-2x10- 35:03 standing really close when it would make a difference if Quinn stood anywhere else (e.g. next to her friends or boyfriend) I just think its weird lol
-2x15- 6:28 (before Quinn starts plotting against Rachel, they’re in celibacy club together but all they do is argue so its still a bit weird)
-3x07- 4:54
I dont know where to put this-
-2x17- 35:10 they kinda just look a bit nervous and small interaction I just wanted to add this because I thought it was cute the way they moved around each other idk
-2x20- 14:46 Rachel knows Quinns eyes so well she knows the flower and colour of the ribbon (also gardenias are for secret love which it would surprise me if Rachel already knew)
-3x04-20:26 Rachel isn’t sitting near her boyfriend or anyone she’s even really friends with its a bit weird that shed be sitting in the corner right next to Quinn away from the other chairs
Songs- Ive probably missed a bunch of these but I tried lmao-
-somebody to love
-halo
-ride with me
-no air
-keep holding on
-bust a move
-proud Mary
-crazy in love
-imagine- there is a gay ass look
-you can’t always get what you want
-dont rain on my parade
-my life would suck without you
-gives u hell
-hello goodbye
-like a prayer
-home(kind of)
-give up the funk
-any way you want it
-faithfully
-dont stop delieving 
-Empire State of mind
-ice ice baby
-toxic
-damn it Janet
-time warp
-sweet transvestite
-start me up/living on a prayer
-hot patootie
-forget you
-umbrella/singin in the rain
-I think I wanna marry you
-just the way you are
-ive had the time of my life
-Valerie
-the Dog days are over
-the most wonderful day of the year
-welcome Christmas
-heads will roll/thriller
-fat bottomed girls
-sing
-blame it on the alcohol
-tik tok
-do you wanna touch
-afternoon delight
-get it right
-loser like me
-pretty/unpretty
-born this way
-pure imagination
-New York New York
-Fix you
-last Friday night
-hit me with your best shot/one way or another
-I cant go for that/ you make my dreams
-I kissed a girl
-feed the world
-summer nights
-we found love
-gotta be starting something
-Im sexy and I know it
-stereo hearts (not technicaly but a lot of Faberry so I’m putting it in)
-fly/I believe I can fly
-heres to us
-its not right but its okay
-its all coming back to me now
-paradise by the dashboard light
-we are the champions
-tongue tied
-you get what you give
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kinoko-koe · 3 years ago
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Story Overview and Basic Organization
Im not really getting around to typing down the larger posts of individual stories so im just placing down some basic information about the ones i have at the moment so i can come back and expand when i actually feel like it
-Stories are listed in the order i have created them not necessarily in chronological order nor are most of them directly related-
(usually when i say things like “over time” im skipping things)
Still cant remember what i called this one lol
The Ascension of the Demi-God of Chaotic Destruction
Using some generic tropes from isekai stories, a group of 5 college-aged friends (2 men 3 women) are suddenly transported to another world with baked in gaming elements that all its inhabitants are aware of. The summoned group have random skills assigned to them and the kingdom that summoned them wanted to find good skills from the summoning.
The main character of this story is one of the men who has been given skills that are more of a support-y mage type, the other man has skills well suited for being a warrior and is sent to the military and one the the women is given to the church to become a cleric, the other 3 including the MC are less valuable to the kingdom and are sent off to improve themselves with minor support from the throne. On his first adventure out with some novices he finds it difficult to relate to the people of this world and also loses his left arm when attacked by a maniac.
Over time the MC gains the class “Infinite Chaos” after being tempted by it as its a strange class not known or available to others. The class grants skills at random times and prevents further class changes among other things. This leads to the MC’s main combo of using the randomly acquired Oil Magic and exploding it from a distance with Fire Magic. The game like system in the world is setup by a deity masquerading as the Grand Deity of Order and this class’s availability, among other complexities, was added by the Ancient of Chaos without the deity’s awareness.
As the MC keeps coming back to the kingdom’s capital every now and then he finds his friends to be different then they used to be and over time become unrecognizable to him (except the one that just became a chef in the capital) although he is also changing to them from the influence of his class. As he feels the only people he can relate to changing he becoming increasingly alone and reckless in his combat while adventuring
While its hard to list all the small changes that happen over time from the class Infinite Chaos and all the non overarching plot events (as i dont want to keep on just this one story) everything reaches a climax when his friends are killed by the Demon King, a mountain-sized giant with absurd dexterity and and enormous sword. He sees this through Farsight rushes to the area, crushing all the monsters and demons in the way. The fight between the MC and the Demon lord triggers the Apocalypse skill they both have from their classes and the world descends into darkness and madness. The Goddess of Moonlight attempt to interrupt the fight but as the two are both almost Demi-Deities in strength together they dispatch her quickly causing the artifical moon she placed to fall towards the planet; and through the gamelike system giving exp from the kill and the Infinite Chaos class allows the MC to ascend into the Demi-God of Chaotic Destruction, a being made of eyes and oil (probably not like youre thinking) and through his Authority can destroy the skills the Demon King uses and wins the battle as the world ends from the moon crashing into the planet.
The Gods of the Sky
Uplifting a civilization to stall an invasion
A sci-fi story about an alien invasion and an alien scientist stalling for time for their federation to arrive with military support. The POV switches between a human female bureaucrat and the alien scientist. The humans are starting out their industrial era, their cities are built around giants that their “god” left on the planet. These giants are robots set to protect the planet from outside invaders. The story starts as the bureaucrat is leaving a city by train as alien ships descend from the sky and the city’s robot starts up as heavily damages the city as its launches itself into combat. Although the robot is able to defeat the scouting ships it is heavily damaged and stalls outside the city.
Later the bureaucrat reaches the city and gives a report on what happened, and the country leaders launch an investigation. The aliens send more ships and have their crew dismantle the worn-down giant robot, where the humans see the aliens for the first time, they are 6 limbed (2 legs 4 arms) creatures with obsidian-like exoskeletons and solid gold eyes. The church declares these aliens to be “demons” here to destroy the giants their “god” left behind.
POV swaps to the scientist who is in a observation ship in orbit, annoyed at the failure of their ship’s alarm system, sends an emergency message to their federation military for “protection of the innocent” from out of federation invaders. They descend their ship to the planet to help assist the humans from the invasion, where a giant robot attacks and is one-shot by their Matter-Annihilation-Cannon. The scientist is a starfish-esque creature that always wears a high-tech mech suit.
The government is obviously skeptical of the scientist at first and the scientist fight the first wave of the “demons” alone with only their ship and utility robots. The scientist finds the “demons” to learn weaknesses in equipment very fast and concludes that they are a hivemind. By using the Matter-Annihilation-Cannon aimed at their commanders the first wave is repelled, but the Cannon can only be fired 3 times before breaking down from its own mechanics and the ship is a science ship without much combat prowess. The goverment now trusting them a bit more the scientist starts using their engines along with advanced handheld weapons to make primitive fighter planes to fight with.
skimming over some stuff eventually a diplomatic spaceship from the federation arrives before the military reinforcements as they were nearby for a new planet colonization ceremony, where its revealed that the federation already has humans in it and the humans on this planet were abducted from Earth thousands of years ago. Along with the scientist’s species and humans there are three other alien species in the federation. A jellfish-esque species that communicates through bioluminescence and has a computer attached that translates for them, a slug-esque religious capitalist species that wears high-tech rugs on their backs as status symbols, and a sapient parasitic plant species that infested human livestock and intentionally bred them to be easier to control and move around in.
Even with this addition to their fighting force the “demons” have an absurd advantage in numbers and, over time, the humans on the planet are reduced to one last city and its giant robot when the federation arrives and completely annihilates the “demons” using terraforming technology to molecularly deconstruct the “demons” on the surface and use Matter-Annihilation-Cannons to destroy their ships. The starfish species that leads the federation dont even think twice as the entire species has a unified strong sense for justice as the planet was violently invaded the invaders are guilty and mercilessly destroyed.
(I swear theres a story im forgetting between these two)
Arisen Anew
Ambition-less Reincarnation and the Demon God Cult (aka everyone hates the Goddess of Resonance)
....Honestly this one went through so many changes and i dont actually like them all and i just kinda dont want to type it.
The basis of this story was a adventurer woman has her party wiped by a bunch of demonkin while on a guard mission and a unrelated mage to their party also took the guard quest and kills the adventurer and the demonkin by just nuking the whole area in fire and the mage has the Demi-Deity of Burning Resurrection (a phoenix) bound to them and the adventurer that is killed get reincarnated and eventually in the new life of the adventurer a cult is formed around the Demi-Deity of Congealing Biomass and they view the reincarnated MC as “the Betrayer” that is in their prophecy that betrays the religion set up by the Goddess of Resonance but... the story kinda got away from that premise, the cult is still around but they were manipulated by the Deity of Non-Physical Connections and i just idk im not that interesting in continuing typing about this one.
(this was typed before i typed to mini-summary) Honestly i think this story was better when i was building it without the ambition-less thing but it just kinda ended up that way when i was finding reasons for the MC to give in to the temptation of the Deity of Non-Physical Connections and the cult and after realizing that she really didnt have any ambitions for anything she was doing the whole time soooooo.......
Hero Killer
Ive just legitimately forgotten a lot about this one almost didnt put it here at all lol
This one is about a True Mimic, a being that can mimic anything (appearance not powers), who is given the Soul Shattering Spear by the God of Obscure Knowledge and uses the spear to kill the plethora of heroes summoned by the Goddess of Judgement to slay the Demon Lord. The True Mimic MC is in a romantic relationship with the Demon Lord so the slaying is more than just a loyalty thing.
The Demon Lord is a strange monster the closest thing is like a satyr with spiral staircase horns and three eyes. She wears a veil at all times and never talks as her speech has a strange power of a kind of soft mind control that makes monsters feel loyalty and makes humans feel disdain.
Honestly outside of the raid on the Demon Lord’s castle while the True Mimic is distracted killing a different hero there wasnt really a whole lot of events beyond that that were actually put in an actual order or were actually relevant to the overarching plot
Amongst Gods (in development)
The story follows a group of humans that like in a massive cave city under a mountain. Outside the cave is a world filled while powerful destructive creatures whose biology doesnt appear logical. A being made of floating mirrors that incinerates things prevents the humans from leaving their city farther than the forest they hunt lesser beings in. One day “The Sky Legs” pass by and destroy the mirror being after it attacked one of its legs. The group of humans go off past where the mirror being held them in.
Past this location they run into a steel being that looks like a horse that starts killing them and a humanoid dragon that helps the survivors and brings them to the dragon settlement. The humanoid dragons are humans that made a pact with the Demi-Goddess of Dragonic Multiplication thousands of years ago and became half dragon. Their settlement is protected by the Demi-Goddesses’s children.
that basically it so far and i probably wont develop beyond this lol
Heretic (in development)
A world where the deities directly interact with humans personally, a grand system of schools have been set up under individual deities to teach humans magic. Each deity tests humans if they are compatible with their teachings and add the worthy to their branch of their overarching school. There are four overarching schools; Arcane, Elemental, Nature, and Dimensional.
Major cities are set up to have several deities with as many “school branches” as possible to scout as many new members as possible. Even larger cities exist solely to help mages progress their magical studies in well regulated “school cities” with over 100 different deities each with hundreds of students.
The story begins with the MC, a magic uh... fan? that recently became an adult, coming to a school city to find a deity to learn from. However, she constantly fails the deities’ tests for compatibility for a week, after 10 days without finding a patron deity her city permit expires and is basically kicked out.
As she is getting a bit desperate, a small strange shadow beckons her and she follows, this continues until the shadow brings her to the back of a strange house and the shadow lets her in and leads her to the basement. Obviously she’s a bit suspicious but also a bit dumb, and opens the way to the basement after some effort to open a strange old door. Inside the basement is a Deity. A shadowy skeleton beast with meter long finger and toe bones and a dinosaur-esque skull with six eyes with wing bones and its back that are layered in shadows.
The deity before the MC explains that the shadow owe it a favor and brought someone compatible with it before it, and that it knows that the MC couldnt find a patron deity and offers its own test. A simple test; it vomits a black liquid into a cup and tells her to drink it. A seemingly gross test thats truly about the trust she will place in the deity. After immense hesitation she drink the liquid and passes out, along with passing the test. The deity and the shadow from earlier bring her back to the room shes rented for her stay in the city, and the deity hides in her shadow.
After the obvious confusion that would occur, the deity starts to teach the MC about shadow magic through the rather forceful method of possession (as she really isnt that cut out for normal magic lessons) The deity also heavily avoids direct questions about its exact powers and school classification.
This is about what ive got so far theres is some general events after this ive got but they arent really fleshed out yet, however the deity that the MC found is the Deity of Inevitable Demise, and its School is the Heresy school that the other deities intentionally suppress as its consists of magic only useful for harming or destroying, such as mind control, necromancy, and instant death.
Why can the Deity of Inevitable Demise control shadows you ask? well thats because it has influence over the end of everything. The end of life, light, movement, fate, space, and time. Although its ability to manipulate those attributes is depended on how close those ends are to the current location, but darkness, the end of light, is readily accessible in most scenarios.
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Thats all for this post this has been loitering as a draft for a few weeks and i didnt double read it so somethings might not make sense but oh well done and posted is better than nothing.
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bunnyriviere · 4 years ago
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my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.
im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(
this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.
hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.
again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.
now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.
christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.
i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.
came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.
now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.
but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.
argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.
well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!
another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.
so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.
god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...
officially crying heyho.
just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)
and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.
ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.
so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.
hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.
it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.
that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.
so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.
i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(
but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.
ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.
so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)
he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.
because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.
heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.
tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.
wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.
im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.
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sargentr · 5 years ago
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my fave drarry fics of all time, part one
so, after discovering i’ve officially been reading drarry fanfic for 4 years now, i decided to show my (quite big) list of favorite drarry fics. there are 46 in total, but i’ve listed 10 down below. the first three are my absolute favorites but the rest are equally as good
most of my notes are fresh from when i wrote them post-reading. i’ve changed some, seeming less like a crazy unstable bitch, but fuck these were all emotional as fuck. enjoy
ps: i dont really know how to tag people i dont follow. i cant try and tag the authors later. soz!!
pps: most of these i read when i was really into a bottom!draco phase, so most of them contain that, some are switch tho (as it should be, yikes past me)
1. Everything That Happen is From Now On / ~43K 
After surviving a brutal assault, Draco tries to navigate the tumultuous waters of his mind, and embrace a bit of love and trust in his life. After all, the smallest steps forward can begin to heal the most fractured of souls
okay so before i get in to how beautiful this story is, i wanna say that it does touch on rape quite explicitly. i cried like an idiot reading the entire thing, because draco’s pain is navigated in the most beautiful and realistic way. it touches on a subject very risky for me, very personal, and i still can’t think of a better drarry story. draco’s very draco about it all, and harry is very harry about it all. it’s just perfect, and messy, and tender, and sad. i’ve reread it more than any other fic, and it doesn’t disappoint. 
2. Pocket Full of Starlight / ~46K
When Scorpius Malfoy and Jamie Potter meet at Quidditch camp, they take an instant dislike to each other. Then they discover their lives are more connected than they could possibly imagine.
ah yes. the magic of kid fics. the TASTE
parent trap au. i read this one recently, like 3 months back, and absolutely fell in love with everything about it, partially because the parent trap is legit one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time. its just. the essence, the IDEA, is soooo mf beautiful. i cant get enough of reading when harry or draco finally meet the other twin, or how they cant stop loving each other even after 11 years. my heart clenched throughout the whole thing. 
3. Temptations on the Warfront / ~180K
Draco Malfoy is forced into hiding with the Golden Trio and dragged into their search for horcruxes. What ensues is a journey of redemption, unexpected friendships and an unwanted, turbulent romance with Harry Potter. Warnings for swearing, sexual content, and dark themes. 
this was the first drarry fic ive ever read, and before this mf i HATEDDD this pairing. so you can imagine how much it took to convince me otherwise, bc i was 100% scorbus before this.
to be fair, horcrux hunting with draco involved is, possibly, my favorite trope ever. its unique. theres tension, both sexual and life threatening. in some ways it romanticizes the war, but fuck it it aint a real war. 
slowest of burns. amazing. life changing. long as hell. nothing else to be said except read it right now i demand it.
4. Clouding the Senses / ~58K
As everyone returns to Hogwarts for a final eighth year, some people are coping better with the aftermath of the war than others. After encountering a very drunk Draco Malfoy one night, Harry realises that maybe those that lost loved ones aren’t the only ones trying to escape the war. Blaise Zabini seems to think Harry can help Malfoy, that the Slytherin might actually listen to him. Harry is not so sure. Dependence is a tricky thing, and one addiction can quickly shift to another.
everyone that reads drarry loves 8th year fics, but this ones just kinda different from all those normal (yet entertaining) ones. draco’s an alcoholic in this, and one night harry tries to help him and whoops, one thing leads to the other and they start having casual sex. its really, really amazing how both draco and harry navigate the addiction, i really cant say it has any flaws. 
i know the author got a lot of hate on their fics and thats why they took them down, but they’re truly one of the best drarry authors out there. i’ve reread this a couple of times, and the tenderness, the love and confusion is all very on character. a+
5. Restraint / ~153K
Someone casts the Imperius curse on Draco Malfoy, and whatever the instructions may be, Harry finds himself an unwilling target. The encounter leaves him torn between pleasure and revulsion. As they fight in the aftermath, a tense game begins. Harry fights to convince Malfoy, and himself, that he was not affected by that initial encounter, or any of those following it.
Faced with a series of escalating encounters, Harry must come to terms with desiring things he never thought he could, things he wishes he didn’t respond to. They each use signs of arousal as weapons against each other in a mad struggle to finally shame the other into backing down for good. 
But it’s only after the game is over that Harry starts to understand.
this is by the same author of clouding the senses, and i read this just this week. at first, it’s shocking, because it plays around with consent in a very unsettling way. when communication comes in, and its starts getting healthier, you can really understand where the author found the idea of playing with consent. it is, in my opinion, 100% characteristic of how they would behave post-war, with that grief and confusion. it’s also dom/sub in some parts, and that’s mf hot. 
it also has my favorite tropes in it, but it’s a spoiler to say which one. i’ll probably mention the trope in the list along with a bunch others, but when u finish reading you’ll know which one ;)
6. Humbug / ~30K
Draco has been taking his casual relationship with Harry for granted. Visits from four key ghosts the night before Christmas just might shake up his priorities in life.
(felt like it was valid to just paste what i wrote in my notes app after reading this)
(FUCKKKKKK HOW TO EVEN START?!!!?? just a fucking bonus, draco is THE best bottom o ever exist i love my bottom son so much. this story isnt only amazing it’s excruciatingly painful to read, harry and draco have been sleeping together but harry is completely in love with him. draco doesnt see how much harry cares for him or how much hes hurting harry by treating their fling like its just that, a FLING. with that, draco is haunted by three ghosts. one of the past, the present and the future, AND THEY SET THAT IDIOT STRAIGHTTTT 1800000/10. the gays DO KEEP MF WINNING!!!
7. in your arms, rests my world / ~24K
Harry presses his mouth to Malfoy's forehead; he wants to tell him that he’ll never leave, that he wouldn’t dream of it.
“You make me feel safe, Potter” Malfoy whispers. “You keep me safe.”
the friends with benefits trope doesnt ever disappoint, top 5 tropes fr, especially if its also 8th year. harry and draco get into their little thing, but of course nothing ever is simple between them. by the preview, you can clearly see how much draco likes harry (also another 10/10 trope, the ‘i’ve been in love with harry potter since i was 11′ one). my only tiny issue with this is that harry fucks it up just a tad, but it of course adds up to the drama of it all, which i absolutely love.
noting it also touches on non-con/rape and, and all in all, is extremely angsty. one i was tense from beginning to end. but i am gonna say it ends amazingly and v happily.
8. Playing the Hero / ~29K
Nobody kissed me like Harry did. He kissed like he flew; he kissed like he duelled - with his whole being, not caring about anything else. I had never felt as vulnerable as I did when he kissed me, seizing all and any control I had over myself. But when Harry kissed me, I felt free...
so the thing about angst is that it ignites that mf feeling side u that even tho it hurts you cannot get enough of. this fic was EVERYTHINGGG. it made cry and laugh and smile. also another trope i absolutely adore is them breaking up and not being 100% ok with that, bc ding ding!! YALL STILL LOVE EACH OTHER!! 
i cant describe how i felt, honestly. i would just paste my notes (i wont bc spoilers) but it looks like i went thru sum shit. deadass
9. fine i’ll hold my breath / till i forget it’s complicated  / ~ 15K with the two parts
Harry and Draco become friends with benefits, and Harry thinks it's more complicated than it actually is.
u know, fluff is a drug. i dont know if its beucase 90% of drarry fics are about angsty get-togethers, but i had butterflies in my stomach when i read this. its adorable. draco is so clearly in love, he jusT SMILES A LOT I CANTTT. 
its cute. i love it to death. have some fluff before starting your day.
10. Un Noël très parisien / ~14K
When Draco crossed paths with Auror Potter at a political function in Paris, he was not expecting their former animosity to change into something rather more intriguing. But he could be certain their casual flirtation would not last more than the night, couldn't he?
look. i know i named a lot of my favorite tropes here, but i cant end this without mentioning how much single dad draco affects me. i love scorpius and how much he changes draco in every fic he appears. i love parent draco and i shant be silent about it (especially when scorpius is legit just a year old in this. i died)
as it states, harry and draco have a one night stand but draco thinks thats it, that it was all he was ever gonna have. he’s wrong of course, and the path it takes, with both scorpius and harry there, just melted my mf heart.
well kids that’s all i have for now. imma work on a part two with 10 other fics i really love!1
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