#i swear its been weeks since ive been tagged to do this and i am so sorry aldjakdjjd

[otomes-and-tears]

If its ok, I wanna request a qiu x reader (step 2) where reader keeps doodling qiu subconciously and they end up dropping one of their doodles somewhere, and qiu finds it :0 sorry if this is formatted wrong, ive never requested something before aaa!!!!

♦ Qiu finds MC's drawing of them ♦

►tags and warnings: GN reader, Step 2

► words: 1696 words

► A/N: I AM ALIVE I SWEAR I promise I can still write more than just Shiloh brainrot!

► Masterlist

It wasn’t really on purpose.

MC was trapped in the clutches of a terrible art block. It had been weeks since they managed to draw something they were satisfied with, and the creative stagnation gnawed at them, leaving them restless. Then there was Qiu, sitting a few seats ahead, their messy hair carelessly tied into a crooked ponytail, soft features relaxed in quiet boredom. MC didn’t even realize they had started sketching Qiu until the drawing was done— their fingertips smudged with graphite as they blended the last of the rough shading into the pencil sketch.

It looked good. Far better than any of their recent, fruitless attempts at drawing. The creases on their baggy sweater and the small intricacies of their expression almost perfectly captured in their style.

Part of MC wanted to brag, to walk up to Qiu and show them the drawing as a triumphant declaration that their terrible, horrible art block was finally over. But as soon as Qiu’s gaze found theirs, those soft eyes blinking slowly, like a cat, and that small, smug smile appearing on their lips, far too pleased with having caught MC staring, MC knew they couldn’t give Qiu any more reason to tease them.

It’s bound to be just a one-time thing, anyway.

…

It wasn’t a one-time thing.

Drawing Qiu became muscle memory, in the same way that drawing hearts or five-point stars, the kind with lines in the middle, became after an eternity of doodling them on the edges of notebooks.

There was just something easy about it. 

MC knew their neighbour so well that they didn’t even need a reference to capture the nuances of Qiu’s smile—the way the right side of their lips lifted just a touch higher than the left, the arch of their brows, or the slight widening of their eyes when surprised. It was effortless.

It becomes a warm-up exercise before the artist’s other drawings and a quick way to break the slump off art blocks, or even something mindless MC does in the middle of a particularly dull classes both share— they do suspect Qiu knew about those but never bothered them with requests to see the drawings, leaving MC to their quiet obsession.

What was embarrassing was how often they’d find themselves obsessing over the perfect way to angle their wrists to capture the sharp swoop of Qiu’s dark bangs to imply just the right amount of movement, or the fact that they filled so many pages of their sketchbook with studies of Qiu during ballet class that they had to replace it with a fresh one.

Their anatomy skills had improved dramatically in the meantime. But was it worth it, trading artistic growth for Qiu’s obvious disappointment when MC stopped letting them flip through their sketchbook? Or having to learn to draw things quickly and discreetly?

“You dropped a page.” MC says, flatly. Qiu is rummaging though their gym bag in search of their  earphones, notepad hanging precariously in their coat pocket. “Again.”

By this point, Qiu had long given up on retrieving whatever papers they lost, but MC still informed them out of habit anyway. Despite their disinterest, Qiu’s eyes scanned the floor—until they paused, bending down to pick the page up. 

The action immediately catches MC’s attention. It would usually take a lot of insistence for Qiu to bother, if they did at all.

"Started caring about the environment again?" 

MC teased. Qiu just snickered, unfolding the page with a widening smile. A smile that grew into something MC could only describe as pure, unbridled glee. That’s when MC noticed the paper wasn’t the usual color, weight, or size. It was larger, thinner, and undeniably from MC’s sketchbook.

“I was wondering when you’d let me see these drawings,” Qiu said, turning the page to reveal one of MC’s most recent sketches—a detailed study of Qiu, brows furrowed in concentration as they scribbled in their notepad, done only a few hours ago, just before lunchtime. There were also smaller drawings on the margins done in a more simplified style, all of Qiu. "When did I become your muse?”

MC’s breath caught in their throat as Qiu held up the sketch, a wave of embarrassment hitting them so hard they felt they could drown in it. Their little habit was a badly-kept secret, but it doesn’t mean that MC was looking forward to being found out.

Regardless, the question hung in the air, and MC knew that there was no universe in which Qiu would let it go without satisfying answers

Each second MC passed without answering only made Qiu’s grin grow further, their warm brown eyes flickering between the sketch and the artist responsible for creating it, a glint of mischief dancing in them.

“You know,” they continued, voice light and playful, “if you wanted me to model for you, all you had to do was ask.”

“No! I wasn’t— It’s not like that!” 

MC could feel the heat crawling up the back of their neck as they stammard, mind racing as they frantically searched for an excuse that would be any less mortifying than the truth.

Qiu’s smile softened, feeling bad for their friend’s embarrassment, even if they were having fun with their flustered reaction. Despite how much their personality had changed throughout the years, that was a small aspect Qiu would never be able to grow out of— despite their incessant teasing, they deeply cared for their neighbour, and didn’t like taking things too far for the sake of their comfort.

“Is that so?” they asked, the teasing edge in their voice giving way to something a little softer. "Because it seems like you’ve been drawing me a lot."

MC felt the weight of their own silence, the silent, embarrassing admission that came with it. 

Drawing Qiu had become a part of their routine. A habit, an easy way to keep up with their goal of drawing every day.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” MC finally said, pushing through their mortification to grant Qiu their answer. They glanced down at their hands, fingers still smudged with graphite, as if the evidence of their fixation was written all over them, taunting them. “I just… you were easy to draw. You’re always around, and I—” They paused. I can’t stop thinking about you. The words linger, right on the tip of their tongue. “I guess it just… happened.”

The playful gleam in Qiu’s eyes is replaced by something tender, a warmth they knew all too well.

“You know,” Qiu said slowly, carefully, as if trying not to spook them “I don’t mind being your muse.”

MC blinked, caught off guard by Qiu’s sincerity. They looked up, meeting Qiu’s gaze fully, and for the first time in a long time, there was no playfulness or carefully feigned disinterest in their eyes. Just warmth.

“You don’t—” MC began, stammering, struggling to find the right words, “you don’t think it’s… weird?”

“Why would it be weird? You’re an artist. Artists need inspiration, right?” Qiu glanced down at the sketch again, running a finger gently over the paper, careful not to smudge it. “And I’m honored. I don’t think I’ve ever been someone’s inspiration before. Much less to my favorite artist”

Somehow, MC doubts that. Judging by Qiu’s popularity in town, having been the crush of at least half of Golden Grove’s kids within their age group, they have absolutely zero doubts that Qiu has been the source of many ‘a angsty poem scribbled in someone’s diary.

Regardless, they felt their chest tighten at Qiu’s words, eyes widening as their mind replays the dancer’s words, over and over. They were Qiu’s favorite artist? Qiu didn’t mind being drawn?

That fills them with much needed relief, the tension from their body slowly dissipating.

“I’m not sure how much of an inspiration you really are,” 

MC muttered, trying to deflect some of the intensity of the moment with humor, but the warmth in their voice betrayed them.

“Oh, come on. I’ve clearly been *very* inspirational.” Qiu gestured at the sketch in their hand, then raised a brow. “How many of these are there, anyway? Ten?”

“…More.”

“More? Seriously?”

MC couldn’t help but smile now, the absurdity of it all catching up with them as they shake their head, disappointed at themselves.

“Uh, like, a lot of my last sketchbook? It’s just… you’re always around, and you’ve got this…” They gestured vaguely at Qiu, trying to find the right words. “This vibe. You’re fun to draw.”

Qiu raised an eyebrow, leaning in, invading their personal space enough that they could smell the subtle scent of cinnamon from their shampoo, voice dropping to a playful murmur. 

“Easy, huh? So you *have* been staring at me a lot.”

MC rolled their eyes, shoving Qiu lightly, but there was no malice in it. It’s true, as much as they hated to admit it, they had observed the dancer so much as to be able to draw them from memory.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” 

But Qiu just smiled, softer again. 

“I’m flattered,” they said, their voice gentle. “Really.”

MC didn’t know what to say to that. There was a lump in their throat, an unspoken understanding passing between them that felt both overwhelming and comforting. They had known each other for years by that point, after all, but In that moment, something shifted. The awkwardness, the teasing, even the embarrassment—it all melted away like snow in spring time, leaving behind only the quiet connection between them. Their unbreakable bond. It was comfortable in the way few things are.

Qiu handed the sketch back to MC, their fingers brushing for just a second felt almost electrifying. Has it always felt like this?

“Keep drawing me,” they said, voice quiet but resolute. “If it helps you, keep doing it. No need to hide it.”

When their eyes meet again, and they can sense Qiu’s sincerity, their heart races once more. They accept the drawing, storing it safely inside their sketchbook before they continue on their way home.

Maybe they didn’t have the words for everything they felt just yet, but right now, this moment was enough.

[jacedified]

things i cant stop thinking about !!

most of this is going to imperium related so enjoy my brain turning mwah

also pls ignore my mid sentence rambling i have a serious problem

warnings: gore/mentions of death , violence , imperium , swearing :D , adult with internet access cant shut up

- yandere caller being a shade

(someone said this on a hc list and now im actively running with it)

- sams eyes being brown

(as a brown eye haver i know he misses them dearly and i wnna give him the worlds sweetest biggest longest hug)

- the idea of gavin “slicing” peoples threads for kody in imperium

(forcing my husband ((i need therapy im married to a fictional incubus)) to do such acts simply because you want to you sick freak ILL FUCKING KILL U- oh wait gavin already did xoxo kiss my ass from hell kody)

- the look on kodys face at the end of it all

(as previously stated i wanted that man dead.. i just wanna make sure hes actually gone yknow)

- what asher’s smile looked like when him and david were together (imperium)

(knowing that david was gone, hearing the random audience member asking for david to be alive and left alone in the first imperium video, knowing they were mates, knowing how heartbroken asher was after his death i just wanna see them happy maann ((it feels criminal to use emojis on tumblr)) 😭😭)

- if lasko calling freelancer “my dear” when you first met him in the haven was a sneak peek for his later ((is the word prime for like normal redacted universe characters i can’t remember, like prime lasko yada yada)) listeners name

- if no one was watching gavin WOULD HE HAD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF IMP!HUXLEY???

(the amount of shit talking hux did when freelancer and gavin first get to the haven had me ready to fight in an instant ((it mightve just been my overwhelming adoration for gavin but still)) like he was acting like an annoying jock who gets a job as security for some fuck ass rich university and thinks hes on top of the world like dont piss me off huxley or damien gets it in the other universe so help me god)

- is anyone else as attracted to the tension between vincent and asher in imperium as i am..

(i have no words for how “yippee kicking my feet happy smiley kiss now kiss now what if u kissed rn” i was when asher and vincent are talking but also i feel like pet ((is that vincents listeners name or vegas I CANT REMEMBER PLS)) was behind a door listening in and getting jealous bc “that should be me holding your hand..”

… excuse the outburst)

- vampire milo.. thats all

(GAWD hes so hot like he always is and always has been but jesus FUCKING christ theres something about him having been a vamp did something to me that i cant even explain)

- what was avior saying to lasko to make him irritated with him..

(i mean yeah hes a yapper but i feel like it was just “hey we need help down here” and lasko rolling his eyes and waiting two weeks before actually doing anything)

- WHERE TF IS ELLIOT WHERE TF IS SUNSHINE CAN I BEAT BLAKES ASS??

- what would have happened had milo not broken the ward

(again someone else mentioned this ((i would tag them but it was 6hrs ago and i was just scrolling and reading)) and now i cant stop thinking about it)

- what is avior hearing in his last video

(its been a while since ive actually listened to aviors playlist again but there was a voice or sounds he was hearing after getting out of the meridian and its just been on my mind)

- gavin having a myspace account

(he would love myspace i just know he would and i feel like he’d be an avid tumblr user but like its just him posting his favorite pics of himself from the week and updates on whatever small pet him and freelancer would very obviously inevitably get bc he saw it in a pet store or on the street and couldnt resist)

- what happens when freelancer gets old..

(freelancer is just that.. a freelancer. they arent a vamp, or a demon, or even some secret third thing.. what happens to them and gav when they get old. have they had that talk yet? i shouldnt think about this bc it makes me spiral into a bucket of tears and sadness bc its the same thing with sam and darlin’ like we wont know what theyll do when their partners get old and they are still young and immortal.. sigh 😔)

- can i cut the meridian open with a knife if i tried?

(how thin is the meridian? how easy is it to access? how long would it take me to literally stab it open? ((i have serious issues)) )

- imp!damien..

(yea i have a crush on him or whatever nothing crazy)

- is the person asher catches in imperium baabe or is it just random listener #18683 ?

(obviously my first thought when i listened to imperium like a year ago i thought baabe nd asher would be together ((i was delusional and on an asher high)) but then when it was revealed that he and david were mates in that universe did that mean baabe just doesnt exist or are they the person that gets caught by him or again some secret third thing)

- what happens to angel in the mess that is imperium, honestly what happens to all the shaw pack listeners

(obviously sweetheart is left out of this equation bc them and milo are still happily obsessed with each other in every universe BUT angel, baabe, and darlin where yall at??)

- WHERE ARE THE AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE EMPATHY DEMONS IN IMPERIUM UNIVERSE??

(this just popped into my mind but WHERE IS MY SON?? what have u done with my son WHERE IS MY SON??!!?)

- is anyone else as obsessed with just erik and his mind?

(that handsome blessing to my youtuber universe.. i could listen to him babble for hours and will do so bc it feeds my “listening to nerdy man babble on abt his fixations” quota)

- what imperium versions of characters do people prefer over their counterparts

(personally i prefer imp! huxley, damien, and vincent over their prime versions ((still dont know if im using the term prime in the right context)) idk what it is but well i know what it is for huxley and damien but we dont need to get into why i dont like hux and dames rn :D but for vincent i just like seeing a different version of him i think.. hes so confident with his decisions, and knows what he wants in imperium i just want that for regular vince too.. sigh)

uhh anyways.. i think thats enough thinking for now, going back to sleep

stay safe out there

[reorientation]

okay nothing in this world has ever made me flood with need the way seeing my asks linked and tagged as 'respect anon' did. little update - ive been getting railed so often (11 times total now since mid november) that i have a bruised cervix. it hurts in such a delicious way, makes me hyperaware of what i am, almost feels reminiscent of cramps.

my original hookup ive now seen six times, and he wants to see me once a week minimum. the way he murmurs "good girl" so encouragingly to me, his strength, and the insanely erotic feeling of him breeding me, have all bewitched me. the texture of semen exploding into a wet cunt is so unique and im obsessed, its a different consistency from my own wetness, so i can always feel the exact moment hes fucking his sperm into my fertile body, even when i dont feel him throbbing through it (which i usually can).

other than him, ive fucked four other guys in the last month. each and every one of them came in me bare. i hoped a few times would sate me but if anything its fanning the flames. on my neediest day i had three guys come over one after another to fill me, the first was my original guy, and the other two were completely random, and they all treated me so perfectly honestly.

the third one in particular fulfilled my need to have a real man coax me into admitting my real name, he fucked me hard and fast and used his filthy tongue to slip into my subconscious mind and loosen my inhibitions until he got it out of me. then he used it over and over again while he fucked a baby into me, slapped my well-bred pussy till i begged him to stop, then held me so tightly. i felt so dazed and safe and feminine in his arms.

it feels so good to have a man respect me enough to give me what i really need, especially when im being brave enough to ask for something i was so afraid to even acknowledge about myself. and it especially feels good when he looks right into my eyes while pounding me and reminding me of the truth.

fuck sorry for multiple asks i literally just cannot stop thinking about being dubbed 'respect anon' its driving me crazy. i can feel my pulse everywhere, but it seems to pool in the places that make me a woman: my clit, my pussy lips, my aching dripping vagina, and my breasts. i can feel my pulse in my fucking nipples. and also usually my temples but thats off theme.

i cant get over how good it feels to be fucked. i never in a million years expected how endlessly perfect it would be, ive found partners that emanate joy together with me and its so much fun and so erotic. the original guy in particular, just takes so much joy in fixing me and in enjoying my cunt, i often end up watching the filthy reactions on his face as he watches my pussy clench around him. he watches us join together as one, my cunt singing with pleasure, i always ask him if theres anything else i can do for him and he almost always says "lay back and take it." like, yes sir!

once i was riding him and his hands were clenching my hips tight, i love riding because it makes my breasts bounce and heave so deliciously. he was staring at them, i was moaning like a bitch in heat feeling him stretch me out in an angle we dont normally do, and suddenly he looked me in the eye and said "you have a womans body." swear if id been on my back i would have orgasmed right then and there. he sometimes goes back and forth in what gendered terms he uses and it keeps my mind spinning with confusion and desperation. we are both bi and im pretty sure our current dynamic is heaven for us both.

there are so many filthy details i want to share with you. feels like i could babble all day about the things that have happened, but it all boils down to this: im a woman, obsessed with taking cock, finally letting herself enjoy some wonderful company, and it wont be long until im the sluttiest pregnant girl grindr has ever seen, hahahah.

respect anon back with one last thought because ive been obsessively rereading your two responses to me so far. when i begged him to refeminize me, "it doesn't even sound like he was surprised." nope! in fact he laughed at me, he laughed and said "fuuck yes." in that moment, i knew that he had already known, and was waiting to see if id admit it. with him, i have this manic energy where i come off completely insane over text, and his steady energy only serves to wind me up more. i think he knew id cave and beg to be detransitioned, my pics are all pretty high femme and lets just say im not ever subtle about my femininity.

the weird thing is, i only have that manic energy with him. i dont know if its because hes genuinely the hottest guy ive ever met, or because he took my virginity, or because he succeeded in breaking my mind. but the other guys ive slept with, while they blow my mind and show me what im for, i dont make such a fool of myself to them.

genuinely with him i have lost all semblance of self-respect and it proves right everything he has ever whispered into my ear.

(Previously)

All that fun you've been having, going from being a virgin to getting inseminated by five different men within a couple months - and nothing ever made you flood like my tagging system? I'm very flattered, Anon! A bit bemused, but flattered.

So much to speak to here, but one part I truly love is that your new life as a woman started with the first man to use your pussy laughing at you. Like your whole identity as a man had been one long joke you were telling, and you'd finally gotten to the punchline.

That's what real respect looks like for you, isn't it, Anon? A man who'll wait for you to finish telling the joke before he laughs.

And the man who made you tell him your real name while he fucked you full of cum... There's a pleasing symmetry to that. He got something out of you and put something into you. He learned what they called you when you were born, and maybe gave you a baby to call your own.

Which is what you're made for, after all. Your body never stops reminding you of that, whether it's with the pain of a bruised cervix or your blood pulsing in your swollen nipples or the unstoppable pleasure of taking a man's cum in your womb. It's little wonder that you've come so far since getting fucked for the first time, little lady: your body was just waiting for the chance to start.

[okifyouinsist]

tagged by @killerandhealerqueen (i just keep forgetting abt this one SIGH but i have free time rn and im committed)

1. why did you choose your url?

growing up, i just wasn't a social media girl purely bc of the fact that my parents were super strict and I assumed they wouldn't allow me to have it and I just never really saw the appeal anyways. Then later a few friends basically forced me to make my first account and because i wasn't very creative and thought i was the funniest bitch ever i made my first user 'ifyouinsist' and it just kinda stuck ig

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

nope. i fear if i had a sideblog id end up neglecting it and forget abt it or make it my new main blog and neglect this blog and this blog is literally my baby

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

well i've had an account since like end of 2019, beginning of 2020???? (im pretty sure) i didnt like use my account tho i just had it to look at other ppls blogs not my own, i only acc recently made up my blog up properly and started posting this year when it was like 2 am and i was on holiday to visit my home country and my mum and my aunts were gossiping and i was like whatever who tf cares how late i am to a fandom and the rest was history

4. do you have a queue tag?

nope, my drafts are a terrifying place and if they ever saw light id die

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

to reblog pretty art and to compliment writers on ao3 AND on tumblr bc they deserve everything and more

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

logan sargeant. need i say any more???? hes my bsf in spirit

7. why did you choose your header?

loscar. LOSCAR. loscar. i am very much totally normal abt them i swear (lying through my teeth rn). they're just my everything unfortunately and sometimes i like to say the fist bump is their version of intertwining their fingers together

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

ik this bc it was the first i myself made and it was abt loscar obviously and i thought i was SO funny (im not) and its lowk still such a flop post but its MY flop post so here it is :)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

idk man im shy (scared of rejection) so i dont have a lot, like genuinely let me go see acc, oh ig its me and my 14 moots against the world i love you guys fr

10. how many followers do you have?

BYE my 26 followers are my 4 lifers fr (im such a flop this is hilarious)

11. how many people do you follow?

37 (sigh need to follow more ppl RN)

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

im gonna be so real idk what defines as a shit post but most probably yeah

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

idk im acc really inconsistent like ill be MIA for 2 whole days and the next week ill be on tumblr like for most of my day when i can its very confusing like today ive not been on it a lot im academically locking in and all that

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

ummm no. like. if i see someone i follow getting hate ill send them a supportive ask and then at the end of it be like anon ur such a loser get a life but other than that. nope.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

im very much neutral abt them, like idc if i need to reblog it yk if i want to i will if i dont then i wont

16. do you like tag games?

YES (said in a very normal voice)

17. do you like ask games

YES. i love getting asks id cry if someone sent an ask (i have one rotting away from a moot rn i WILL answer it i swear)

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

can i say all my moots. i wanna say all my moots they're all famous in my eyes guys, i start tagging its gonna end with all my moots being tagged but like @killerandhealerqueen and @dwarvenchords were the first 2 ppl to come to my mind theyre both just the coolest fr

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nah. i have FRIEND crushes on literally all of them tho. wanna be their friends SO bad

20. what is the last song you listened to?

Mamichula- Bizarrap

21. what are you currently watching?

in my docuseries era rn watching breakpoint (STILL)(i only have time on the weekends rn SIGH)

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy?

sweet. im such a 'lets skip the dinner and just get dessert' kinda girl

23. what is your current relationship status?

this is SUCH a complicated question to answer but heavily leaning more towards single

24. what is your current obsession?

sports. like just sports in general. like ive always been a casual fan of sports but i never used to take a deep dive into it but this year i decided to dive, and i dived VERY deep, so like motorsports, tennis, football, cricket, trying to get into hocky rn im collecting them atp. also. documentaries. like when i get time ill be binge watching like 5 documentaries i just love them sm

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

wish i could tell you fr, i mean, rn im re listening to SOUR by Olivia Rodriguez AGAIN bc thats the way my life is going SIGH, Olivia is my favourite basic artist fr, nothing compares to listening to SOUR for the first time in 2021

ANYWAYS, thanks again for the tag i really appreciate it, im gonna tag @ezisregrettinglifedecisions @fabeong @whatssthepooiintt

[sweet-little-dude]

THIS'LL PROBABLY FLOP BUT IM BORED SO TRY AND KEEP THIS GOING

tag a mutual and say something extremely random that they don't know/would never assume about you and then its their turn to share!! I'LL GO FIRST

i am actually very rizzful, full on rizzard of oz, mfing panic! at the rizzco (for all you oldies it means i get bitches) yet at the same time, im a serious hopeless romantic 😭😭

edit: writing more cuz this is reaching more people then i expected 💀

but ever since like middle school ive been a bit of a flirt actually (guessing its bcuz of my so called "charisma" that my friends always tell me i have, i sound so fucking bad rn but take me srsly when i say i actually have no idea what theyre talking abt) of course i had those meaningless younger kid relationships back then but through the years ive been in some very serious ones and a small number of them have left a mark on me permanently. but i love a bit of romance! i love the idea of loving a person so much and wanting to be with someone forever its just so cute and it makes me sound so immature but its just hehe. but i do love a good flirt tho. flirting's such a fun little thing its just so 💞💞 but atm ive been a down with loving since my latest lover was a real shit show (lets just say that), and i say that as if there isn't two people who im currently flirting with lol 😭. but if it were a challenge, give me about a week, two at max, and i swear i could make someone have feelings for me.

ANYWAYS TIME TO KEEP IT GOING

SPEAK @appreciatingtokrev @virtue-and-beneviolence @tokiloki @kakuchew @enassbraid

[hanabeeri]

helloooo im back 🧸 <3 i had a very busy week you could say.. if you were to ask me what i did specifically i wouldnt be able to give you an answer, haha. my memory is quite bad.

it was quite warm for a few days, so i was able to wear my pretty summer dresses!! i wish the weather would stay warm.. but itll be cold again for some time. my sweet mutual @zzzzzestforlife tagged me in a challenge (thank u for the tag!!! ill do my best 🩷💕), which im still a bit confused about but ill do my best to participate :)) im not a goal oriented person so instead of setting goals to accomplish ill just make some regular weekly updates until the end of my summer term!! which is why i wont set any amount of days. if were being honest here, its just my diary posts rebranded and me sharing some more details AHAHAH oh well 🥹💦💞

so what did i do this week?

> I finished two short novels: a psalm for the wild-built by becky chambers and the suitcase by sergei dovlatov! i loved them both, i gave both 4/5 stars > i turned in an assignment for my russian class (my lecturer didnt give me feedback yet, but he praised the entire class for well written texts:)) ) > my friends and i went on an involuntary walk throughout my universitys garden (its huge.. and apparantly has set opening and closing times, we ended up being lead outside haha. momentarily evolved back into monkeys when we walked through a forest) > i cleaned my room and finally (!!!) had the time to sort everything out. its so much easier to navigate throughout my room now > today i had breakfast with my friends in a cafe <33 i didnt see them since lent started, so it was nice seeing them in person again. we are planning on reading two books together. though im not sure if theyll stick to dracula since we wanted to read it in english. their english isnt bad, but they also dont use it as often as i do, so it can be hard sometimes for them to follow a plot when its in english

for next week i dont have much planned. i want to finish reading fight club by chuck palahniuk and perhaps start the novel my friends and i want to read together (a good girls guide to murder by holly jackson). theres also a test i have to study for and two writing assignments i have to turn in (japanese and russian, if youre curious).

ive been listening to this a lot lately while studying :)) its so calming. and it makes me happy to see that i understand almost all voicelines even without the subtitles! 🥹💕 one day.. also am i delulu for dreaming about lil peep on a monthly basis at this point? i swear, every now and then i have a dream where he appears in. last time i dreamt he got out of a car and walked towards me to comfort me. today i dreamt that i watched him film a music video for a song of his. gus is visiting me in my dreams, dropping hints to get a grip, surely 🥹🥹💦

I'm using the borders from saradika and enchanthings!! <3 🧸💕💞

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

ari!! i come here with a jar of honey 🍯 for no reason other than i find the emoji so cute 🥺 but i also have a little note for you!!! 💌

oh i am so thankful for you ari 🥺 you deserve all the love and praise i swear!!!! am so grateful that you're here, sharing your beautiful writings 🥺 they always feel like movie scenes to me and that's so !! amazing !! and the way !!! our characterisations agree each time 🥹 i swear it feels like braincells uniting everytime sdbfashfb you are also just the sweetest person ever?!?!? i am so thankful we are friends 🥺 you're always so supportive, replying to all my posts and everything!! your enthusiasm for things is infectious and i am always in awe at how you churn out banger fic after banger fic 🥺 truly!! u are so special ari!!

since this is gratitude themed, i also want to ask you!! what’s something you’re thankful for right now? 🥹 i hope this weekend is wonderful to you!! 🫶🏻

sel u r . the sweetest ever? on planet earth? im literally a pile of mush rn (here is a lil bee in return for the honey!! i think its so cute. hes munching on a flower 🌸🐝)

sel!!! T_T im always so in awe of how warm and kind you are!!!!!!! and how sweet you are to everyone you talk to!! you always take time to check in w ur moots and to thank everyone who comments on ur fics etc etc and its just. so heartwarming to see ;w;

we havent been moots for v long but its so so obvious what a genuine and warm presence u have <3 ur like a lil ray of sunshine!! ur fics r always so soft and lovely and they brighten my day everytime they cross my dash <3 n i can always trust u to get me on gojo and any of our other mutual blorbos … :’3 i rly do agree that we share braincells when it comes to jjk pshdjdj. ur gojo and gumi will never not be loved by me <33

all this just to say i appreciate u sm, thank u for this adorable note !! ill be keeping it close to my heart <33 T_T ily always!! 

…. BUT TO ANSWER UR QUESTION PSHDJDJ…. recently ive been writing a lot so im super thankful to everyone who interacts w my fics!!! (u included ofc <3 i still read ur tags on my gojo fics when i need a lil extra kick of serotonin!!) it gives me sm motivation to write and i feel like im so lucky w interactions on this blog!!! :’3 so im super duper grateful to anyone who reads my silly lil fics n even goes out of their way to let me know they enjoyed it :’’3 i think theyre the sweetest ever n i would lay down my life for themmm

im also currently extremely thankful to the mappa animators for feeding us every week <3 the recent ep hurt sm to watch but it was just. SO good. i rly hope they get the break they deserve!!! 

[bitnotgood28]

Thank you @hometothecanyonmoon for tagging me!!

1) When did you become a Louie?

Embarrassingly late. I’d say around mid-April 2020, since that’s around the time I learned about Larry and joined the 1D fandom. I focused mostly on Louis and Harry and whatever they got up to, so during that I just noticed little quirks and started to pick up on their personalities. Harry is sweet and dorky and I adore him, but I love Louis’ wit and his sarcasm and his compassion, basically his character in general. Afterwards, I learned that Louis has recently released LT1, so I downloaded the entire album to give it a listen and have not stopped listening since. His whole album is a blessing, all of his music is so meaningful and touching; you’ve heard his songs and lyrics, yeah?

2) Why did you become a Louie?

Multiple reasons, the two main ones being his music and his personality. I’m not greatly interested in the type of music that’s mostly being released at present (no offense meant), and Louis’ voice is just incredibly unique, something I really like in artists. Everything that he’s written has been sincere and expressive, like a touch of rawness in them, especially when he sings. There’s just so much emotion behind every word and note, and his voice!! It has the sweetest rasp to it and his voice has gotten stronger and more powerful over the years, yet it can still be soft and light like during the bridge in Defenceless. He is also such a sweetheart, treating everyone kindly and with understanding unless he thinks they’re undeserving of it. The way he socialize with children and animals makes my heart melt, he looks so happy and excited during those interactions with his crinkling eyes and his smile-goodness, he is truly God’s gift.

3) One thing that drew you in specifically?

Easily his charisma and satire. His humor and jokes always stood out to me during interviews, his quips are just hilarious, that sweet boy. He draws attention to himself and leaves an imprint on you, and you get attached to him and his personality and his cheekbones-essentially his entire being. I was also kind of irritated with the amount of lines he and Niall were given compared to the other boys, so I paid more mind to the two of them (along with Harry) at the beginning. I think it’s also because I tend to notice those who aren’t as noticed or not quite under the spotlight-is that they proper description? Anyway, between Louis and Niall I wound up taking more of a liking to Louis with his sass and his cheek and his eyelashes. Man, is he even real? He’s so sweet and genuine, he’s endured so much and has continued to stand strong after each blow; it’s as heartbreaking as it’s inspiring. I just want to wrap him in a blanket and take him far away from all the cruelty present in the world, maybe feed him some tacos and stroke his hair until he falls asleep. He can still joke around and enjoy life while also doing his job and doing it brilliantly, might I add. I feel like he’d be a wonderful best friend to have, empathetic and supportive, someone you’d be able to stir up chaos with but also who’d keep your moral compass pointing in the right direction. Honestly, I’m quite certain that God created him with the thought of sunshine and sunflowers in His head.

4) Favorite song on Walls?

Oo, that’s difficult. I love Always You, its tempo and it’s tune are just really lively and upbeat. I’ve also got a special place in my heart for the lyrics of Fearless (God, that second verse and chorus and first verse - the whole song), Defenceless (“I come running to you like a moth into a flame,”? “I’m too tired to be tough, just wanna be loved by you,”???), Only For the Brave (“It’s a church of burnt romances and I’m too far gone to pray,” “All the lonely shadow dances from the cradle to the grave,” this song is so lyrically poetic and I love every second of it), and Two of Us (the bridge.. God it’s so melancholy yet somewhat hopeful[?]). Kill My Mind also has this great indie rock sound to it, I’d gladly listen to it for hours. I.. am realizing that this absolutely does not answer the question, but I hope you now understand how good Louis’ songs are and how much I love them <333

5) Who would you want Louis to collab with?

Okay, I took a bit of time on this and I think one would be Alessia Cara. I’d really like to hear how they would sound together, considering how unique and distinctive both of their voices are individually, and how the music they produced would mesh with each other. Another would probably be Ed Sheeran, lyrically I think they’d be quite powerful like Louis and Alessia, but I’m not sure how they’d sound as a unit. It’d be interesting to hear though, I’m sure. Last is Harry, and if you’ve heard edits and that duet in the chorus of Truly, Madly, Deeply, you know what I’m talking about and you know how good they sound together.

6) Favorite Hairstyle?

Peaky blinders is one, he looked like a sweet little hedgehog during that time. Cinnamon swirl is also high on the list. He looked like actual royalty (I mean when doesn’t he, but this is god tier princely) and everything was right in the world. He was just- the living embodiment of delicate. His messy quiff and messy fringe back in 2013-2014 were just.. so attractive? Those hairstyles also make me miss seeing his full face :((

7) Back to You, Just Hold On, or Miss You?

(where is the Just Like You option)

I love the lyrics and meaning behind Just Hold On, it’s all really hopeful and motivating. The whole song was really well done, Louis and Steve Aoki did such a good job. Miss You also has a great sound to it, and you can really hear his accent throughout the whole song (fook, luv, anova, need I go on). I also love the bit of violin (I think it’s a violin) they added in the second pre-chorus and final chorus? It adds kind of like a lighter factor to the heavy guitar and drums already present in the song, and some sort of assurance that everything will be okay (I’m bad at describing things I’m sorry akdjsjdj). Back to You, God the notes they hit during that song.. beautiful (“We don’t know how to make it stop,” and “I love it, I hate it and I can’t take it,”). Can I also just say that Louis and Bebe both looked really, really attractive during that music video? Like damn please hold back on the extra chili, it’s already hot in here.

8) Louis in suits or sweaters?

Louis in suits is just.. all his assets (ha) are accentuated and he looks so sharp and beautiful, his shoulders just a bit broader, and his curves more defined. Then when he wears blue suits, his eyes are just that much more blue. Louis in sweaters, on the other hand: sunflowers incarnate, sunshine and kittens, a soft heated blanket with socked feet and a fireplace while snow falls softly outside the window. He looks so, so warm and huggable and sweet with his sweater paws- imagine being his friend and being able to cuddle him? Just snuggle and chat about what he’s got prepared for LT2, maybe watch a horror movie. God truly has His favorites. In conclusion: Louis in sweaters.

9) Favorite tattoo?

I think the compass was really well made, like the shading and the contours make it look almost lifelike. Then it points to HOME, which I think is so sweet and personal, like he already knows what ‘home’ is to him and he’s sure that that’s where he’d want to go back to, every time without a doubt. I also like the “It Is What It Is” tattoo, it’s written elegantly, kind of like a Ballantines font and it’s definitely an eye-catcher, displayed on his chest. The stag one also isn’t bad, its right eye is just a bit more bugged out than the other. It makes it a lil more special though, it’s easily identifiable as Louis’ tattoo because of that and the antlers are sort of majestic.

10) Favorite Louis photo (currently)?

I am going to pretend I read that as ‘photos’ because I am an indecisive little shit :))

(HELLOOOO HE LOOK LIKE THE SWEETEST HEDGEHOG // He is just- in his element, he is living up there)

(He makes the tousled hair look so good what the hell // Does this need elaboration, I mean, his smile literally powers everything on earth, and the crinkles by his eyes, and his sweater, and his lil canines, and-)

(Please God he is. Ethereal. Stunning. Perfect. In both photos, his eyes are just. Bright. And the cinnamon swirl, I- I’ve ascended to a higher plane of existence. He’s just so beautiful. Gorgeous really.)

11) Random extra?

When one is given the opportunity to express their love for Louis Tomlinson’s accent, one must accept.

His accent is like. Familiar, a bit like home (no, I’m not English), and I love that he’s been able to keep it even after years of living abroad. He has one of those accents where you can tell it’s present even when he sings, and when he uses endearments, God, it’s just so charming and sweet. It’s also really strong and distinctive, you can tell who he is by the first syllable or word he says. It’s a part of who he is and I love it so much and I love him so much, Jesus Christ akjskjd

I had fun being able to talk about Louis in this, there’s so much to him and every bit of it is another ray of sunshine <333

I tag @adorelou-28, @makethebestofwhatyouget, @28-oops-hi, and anyone else who wants to do this, no compulsions :))

[wyn-n-tonic]

Golden, Like Daylight -- Part I

Word Count: 1,314 Warnings: PTSD. Drug use. As always, if I forgot anything, please message me and I will amend this warning ASAP. Note: In my head canon, Frankie has a daughter, I write a bit about this. I understand talking about babies can be triggering or people just don't like kids but it feels weird to say, "Warning: Baby." Feels a bit ominous. Like, it's not a vampire but just... ya know... be warned. Updated Author's Note (5.7.21): This is not a reader insert. At the time of writing this, I wasn't comfortable writing in the second person nor did I feel as though it was appropriate for what I wanted to explore in this series. This series is my absolute baby and it means so much to me. Thank you for reading. 

MASTERLIST | PART: I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | VIII | IX

It comes like lightning in the night, cracking through the tree of his spine heavy with years of hurt.

The first time he was tear gassed in the chambers at boot camp.

That time he crashed the chopper, losing twenty-something men all twenty-something years old. Men… they weren’t men. They were babies, he was a baby.

He remembers the time he had a panic attack in the jungle, squeezing involuntarily on… a kid, not the target.

He remembers the woman’s wail, “¡Mi hijo! ¡Mi bebé!”

My son! My baby!

He killed her baby.

“I killed the baby!” He’s up but his heart’s somewhere else, outside his body. It’s beating so fast he can’t even feel it anymore, not sure if he feels anything anymore and then—

Cool hands on his feverish back, he’s so hot she feels like ice and he sighs contentedly. Marrying the coldest girl in all of Texas had its perks. Her fingers wind into his too long curls at the base of his neck, her lips on his shoulder as she shushes him with a kiss.

“Come back to me, Francisco, you’re safe.”

“But I—“ he’s stuttering. Fuck.

“It wasn’t your fault,” her arms curl around his chest and she’s scooting closer to him now, pulling him into her as hard as she can, “None of it was your fault, it’s okay.”

“How can you say that?” The tears come like wildfire as he chokes out, “How can you hold me like this? Like I’m not a monster?”

Her arms pull tighter against his torso, he didn’t know that was possible. He doesn’t know how this is possible, how he deserved this. This woman, this love, this family she had made for him.

“Baby, listen to me,” her voice is hard and warm, honeyed whiskey to his aching ears. Splintered mind. Broken body.

He nods his head in the dark, whispering a soft, “Yes,” around a lump like coal burning through his neck.

“You are not a monster. The things you did, the things you saw, the horror that was inflicted upon you was not your choice. When you put the flag on your shoulder, Francisco Morales, you gave up autonomy in your decisions. You represented men who played chess with your life and you made it out. You made it out and they threw you away when you needed them the most but I’m not going to. Our daughter is not going to. You are not a monster, baby, and we will get through this together.”

“Luna,” he breathes. His girl, his perfect little girl, “Where is she? Is she okay?” He’s still panicked.

“She's in her crib, baby,” her lips press softly to his shoulder again, “Do you want to go see her? Wanna go make sure she’s okay with me?”

He’s nodding again, untangling fingers from hers to swipe at his cheeks quickly. Afraid, every day, that this tear or that will be the one that changes her mind, changes her heart.

She lifts herself, holding steady to his shaking body the whole time. As if he’s the rock that the storm of her life batters against and not the other way around. Her hands find his and she’s lifting him too. His balance is unreliable, he never lets her go, trailing along the hallway to the baby’s room.

It’s quiet, peaceful. His happiest place, painted like a sunrise. He wanted it that way, clouds around her cradle, his baby growing up in the heavens. He remembers the first time he ever went up there, like it was the first breath he ever took. All rising pinks and melting blues.

He wanted her to feel that freedom from the very beginning. —————

He was so fucking scared when she came into this world.

He was afraid of marring her innocence with his past. He didn’t want his traumas to manifest upon her upbringing, the way his father’s had his.

That first cry shattered his heart but when she wrapped her tiny hand around his finger, he was whole again.

They named her Luna, because he could always find the moon above the clouds. Could always find his way home.

That’s when he started using again. His fear of fatherhood choke holding him, undoing all his hard work. His therapy, his group therapy, his NarcAnon. He promised himself it would just be once.

Just to get through the day, Frankie.

And it turned into…

The week.

The month.

Six.

Next thing he knew, he was flying high and fucking up. Nose bleeds and slurred words, too fast movements and too fast reactions. He was randomly selected for a drug test.

His license was suspended. He was grounded, under review pending cleanliness of a piss test.

That’s when Leah snapped. His patient, strong wife. She’d said things here and there about his use. Argued about money, “Where's it going, Francisco?” The name she uses when she’s calling him back to her, pulling him into her or, like now, close to killing him. Eyes wide with anger and fear at watching her family fall apart because of the actions of one man.

“I'm not going to beg you to get clean. I am telling you,” the tears streaking down her face, voice raw with contained rage bubbling to the surface, “You were able to do it by yourself once, so get your shit together. Or I swear to god, Francisco Morales, I will walk out that door.”

His eyes haven’t left hers the whole time and he knows she’s serious. She promised she wouldn’t leave a man actively working against his ghosts, she’s soothed more sleepless nights than anybody should’ve, but she never promised to stay through active drug addiction. Could not. Would not bring her daughter up in a home dusted in white powder.

He nods, “okay,” lifting his hat from his head and he is pouring buckets. He’s coming down from earlier but he knows he’s gonna need more soon. And another after that. So on and so on until—

He sees the door slamming on an empty home, shocked still with the future his actions will lead him to.

“I’ll find a meeting tomorrow.”

Her glare bores deep, “you’ll find a meeting today, Frankie.”

He bites his lip, not daring ask for another hit to get through til then.

“Francisco!”

The world comes back into focus. How long had he been staring at everything and nothing? His eyes find hers again and his voice is weak as he says, “My stash is in the box with my dog tags and medals, my first pilot’s license.”

“I know.”

He’s nodding again, of course she does.

“The withdrawals are going to start soon, how should we handle this?”

She crosses her arms, pain stitched through every feature of her face, “I think you should stay with Benny and Will for a while. Until you’re clean.”

So he did.

One week goes by and he sweats with a restlessness he’s sure will bust the very seams of his being.

Two weeks and all he wants is sleep, even with the nightmares.

Three weeks and, Jesus fuck, he’s hungry.

Four weeks and the depression sets in, deeper than he’s experienced since he first started getting help back in civilian life.

Five weeks and he’s… not cold anymore. He doesn’t sweat. He doesn’t feel anything, he can’t concentrate on anything.

Can’t focus on Benny’s shitty fight lessons. Doesn’t even listen when Will practices that fucking speech like he hasn’t given it a million times already; to cadets, to soldiers, to the mirror. The only things he can think about, the only things he cares about, are still too far away.

Leah, Luna, the sky.

He needs all three to be whole.

To be Frankie.

A desperate man aching to be complete and to provide again.

That’s how Santiago Garcia found him.

TAG LIST: @greeneyedblondie44​ @justanotherblonde23​ 

[kaz11283]

44 and 45 for writing prompts?

44) Close Your Eyes

45) Will You Marry me

Your Favorite Suprise

Warnings: fluff

Characters: Your favorite God of Mischief, Nat, Clint (brother, I know I have a weird problem ok?), Steve, Tony, Thor

Summary: you and Loki had been dating for a while now it only made since that he wants to take the next step.

Announcements: Ah yes, while I should be working on the next chapter of my series Im doing a Loki Request list...makes sense to me. I have decided to start posting a chapter a week and I have decided to start posting The chapters on Fridays. But I'll probably still be doing one shots and drabbles randomly during the week along with request. *its like really early in the morning here so if I am not making any sense i will probably post another update soon.* love you guys, thank you for the request! 💚💚💚💚

Loki Masterlist

~~~~~~

Loki had been distant all day, he wasnt in any of the normal places that he normally would have been. You had checked in the library, his room, even the lab none held signs that the god had been there all day.

"Guys, have you by any chance seen Loki?" You asked walking into the living room where your brother and Nat were wrestling, for some unknown reason, Thor and Steve sat watching.

"Tall guy, wears to much green, pointy hat?" Clint choked out from a chokehold. Sometimes you wondered if you were really the oldest with the way he acted.

"Last time I seen my brother he was heading out to the large balcony on the top floor with a rather heavy looking box." Thor called over his shoulder. "No no no Hawkman, you odviously doing it wrong. Let me show you." He said getting up walking over to the two on the floor.

"Whatever, he'll know where to find me I guess." You said jumping over the back of the couch sitting down next to Steve.

"Hey! No jumping on the furniture. I swear its like I live in a house full of kids between you and Parker jumping and flying around." Tony yelled from the kitchen door.

Steve rolled his eyes and looked at you. "Thor is trying to show them some Asguardian fighting moves. Nat picked up pretty fast, your brother on the other hand..."

"He does better in a roost high above the ground. Only reason I use to hate fighting with him is because he could climb higher than I could." You laughed.

"Ok Lord Thunder if you can do better be my guest." Clint took a step back allowing Thor to stand in. Thor gave a bellowing laugh and got in a fighting stance.

"My people invented these moves I can easily take down Nat."

After a few rounds and Thor definitly losing causing the room to howl with laughter at his confusion Loki walked in.

"So the man of mysteries returns. Where have you been darling." You asked as he came to stand beside you.

"Just working on a suprise for you my dearest." He laughed leaning down and kissing the top of your head.

"Please stop, there are young eyes in the room." Clint groaned from a recliner across from you causing you to roll your eyes.

"Yeah, if your going by shoe size." You mocked. Turning to Loki you looked at him. "What does the god of mischief have up his sleave for me?"

"Come dear, I would rather show you." He offered you his hand and you walked from the room.

He lead you to the room where the balcony was located and turned to you. "Close your eyes."

"Ummm why? You planning on pushing me off?" You laughed realizing that he had a serious look on his face. "Nevermind." You closed your eye, as soon as they were shut you felt a cloth wrap around your head. "If you wnted something like this all you had to do was ask." You smirked.

"Oh nine realms y/n. Get your mind out of the gutter for just a little bit." You couldnt see it but you knew he was rolling his eyes. "This is serious." You could hear the smile in his voice.

"Ok fine, serious, I can be serious for like 5 minutes. I cant guarantee the comments that will follow after the time is up though." You laughed.

"Sometimes I feels like I'm dating your brother." He huffed taking your hand and leading you onto the balcony.

"We are basically the same person, I just look alot better than he does in a cat suit." He let go of your hand just after walking out of the door and disappered.

"You know that mouth is one of my favorit things about you." He whispered in your ear cauing your heart to flutter. "Always quick to the punch, it never fails." He said kissing the side of your mouth.

"But my absolute favorit thing about you is your willingness to over look a persons flaws, to give everyone a chance, even if they dont deserve it. You have such an open mind forgiving everyone that you feel need forgiving. Looking for the good in a person and giving that person hope that maybe there is hope left for them." This time he brushed your hair from your neck kissing you behind the ear sending a shiver down your spine.

"Loki you was never a bad person-" you saod trying to defend him aginst hisself

"I brainwashed your brother." He countered. "You didnt just do it for me though. You stood up for Wanda, for Bucky, you stand up for the underdogs that wouldnt have a chance other wise."

"Wanda needed a family, Bucky was Steves best friend and I seen how it hurt him for eveyone to be aginst him. Also brainwashed. Im kinda seeing a pattern here though." You smiled.

"Y/n, honestly would you jusy be quiet for a few more minutes." He sighed.

"Ok, lips are sealed. Continue telling me how great I am." He sighed again pulling you closer to the middle of the balcony.

"You have been my light in the darkest tunnel I had ever been in. When the others shut me out you were always there to let me know I wasnt alone. I could travel to all nine realms and never find another soul as caring and as trust worthy as you, who holds me at night when nightmares wake me up, who actually seen good in me and who has made me a better person." You felt him reach behind you and untie the knot from the blind, you kept your eyes closed as you felt him grab your hand again this time there was a slight pull. "Darling you can open your eyes."

When you opened them you were awestruck with the sight in front of you. Farie lights had been hung from the rafters causing a warm glow around the balcony, ivy and white flowers hand been drapped on the walls givingbthe whole place a cozy feel. You looked at Loki noticing him kneeling in front of you, you opened your mouth to make a comment but quicky shut it not wanting to ruin the moment.

"Y/n Barton there is no one else I would rather travel the nine realms with but you, I would walk across time and space to see you smile. Would you please do me the honor of being my princess? My Queen? For all eternity? Will you marry me?" He pulled out a small black box for his pocket and opened it revealing a silver band entwind with a beautiful type of black metal a small emerald sat nestled between the two holding the jewel in place. Your eyes shot up to his and tears started to flow. You didnt trust you voice in that moment son you simply shook your head.

He was on his feet in no time easily slipping the band on your finger before wrapping his arms around your waist pulling you close to him. You placed your hands on either side of his face pulling him into you for a kiss. "Yes." You mumbled aginst his lips as he smiled into the kiss. "A million times yes!"

"We are going to have a wedding!" Thor yelled from the open door causing you both to jump. You looked up in time to see everyone that had been in the living room crowed around watching the two of you. "Lady y/n, a fine sister you will make!" Thor beamed picking you up into a crushing hug.

"You can have her! Ive had her as a sister long enough." Clint said beside you as he leaned down to kiss you cheek. "Congrats sis."

"You knew didnt you?" You smiled.

"Of course I did. Hes kinda old school, asked if it would be ok if he asked you. Nice guy, once you get past the whole mind control thing." You smacked his in the chest.

"In my defence you did try to shoot me woth an arrow that exploded." Loki said wrapping his arm around your waist.

"Ill take back the approval to marry my sister." He saod looking straight at him.

"No you wont, ive already said yes. Besides he really makes me happy. Truly honestly happy." You smiled looking up at Loki giving him another kiss.

~~~~~~

Tag list:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

[creativeashproductions]

What If...? IV // Alive!Luke Patterson

Summary: 1997 and 1998 are big years for Luke Patterson and his fiancée with their engagement and wedding planning. If you thought wedding planning and the wedding itself was the big things well, you’d be wrong. I mean this is the couple that almost ended with a car accident. Join the year long adventure.

Warnings: Swearing, pregnancy, minor angst, sweet groom!Luke, and fluff

Words: 3.3k

Requested: By @beautifulblogsblog. There is one more part after this. 🥺😭

A/N: It’s finally here! The Patterson-Y/L/N wedding makes its appearance here and a little cameo of a future character. The next part is the last part in the miniseries as well. Enjoy.

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX PLEASE!

Masterlist

Hollywood 1997

An entire year had flown by from the day of your engagement to Luke filled with frustration, elation and greatness. Sunset Curve toured around California, leaving the Y/L/N-Patterson women to plan the wedding. Nineteen years old now in the modestly sized apartment, Luke sat beside you in the bathroom.

Two nervous teenagers a mere month away from their wedding day they cuddled each other eyes pinned at the floor. Apprehensive of the stick that held power to change everything in their lives. For the last week, you hadn’t felt very well with being tired and nausea laying you out in bed.

“It’s been long enough.” Luke murmured reaching for the test, “No matter what. I love you.”

Kissing his cheek, the two of you slumped at the negative with surprising emotion. The negative greatly disappointed you.

“I’m sorry,” Luke mumbled to his fiancée equally torn up because while the timing wasn’t perfect, he had pictured what life would be like.

A tiny baby growing in his fiancée womb, growing into bump made flutters in his belly. Of love, he already felt for your future unborn children and snuggling his kids. Introducing them to his loved ones and bonding over music. Teaching his son or daughter how to play the guitar.

He’d love to see his parents cradle a new addition to the family freshly born with the tiny knit hat Emily couldn’t resist making. Sharing a celebratory beer with his father and wisdom for the coming years. To learn the parental reason of why they had been against his career choice.

“I really wanted it to be positive.” You admitted playing with your fingers disappointed at being wrong about your body. Luke smiled as your words as he grabbed your hand in his calloused grip.

“Do you…do you want to try for a baby?” Luke trailed off flushing at how beautiful you would look growing his child. The bathroom was quiet as you thought the idea over, “With the tour just finishing the band will be writing music and recording. I could be here for the whole pregnancy and birth.”

“If we get pregnant in the next month. But we’re also getting married in a few months.” You sighed leaning to rest about his bare arm staring at the pregnancy test.

“If it happens then it happens.” Luke spoke, “If you want, we can try.”

Raising your eyes to meet Luke’s you hesitantly nodded at his words as it settled that is there ever a perfect time to get pregnant? So many people struggle with conception like your parents did with you; your mother’s labour was so complicated that you’d never have siblings.

“Okay.” Luke breathed, standing up to scoop you into his arms, “Best get on with it.”

The laughter filled the simple bedroom as Luke crawled over your body to hover with a matching smile. There was no one else in the world that could get his heart fluttering and focus on something other than music. It was terrific, and he couldn’t be mad about.

“So, Rockstar…are you gonna help?” You whispered tugging on the chain of his necklace to drag his face closer. Closing the distance, Luke’s lips brushed yours before time stopped in a collision of senses.

The callouses of his fingers trailing a fire under the flowing shirt chosen for the lunch date earlier. The warmth of his hands nowhere close enough to match the heat your body burnt with. The taste of the cherry chapstick he shamelessly stole from you, but it was the heady scent of Luke that got you.

 Luke heavily breathed as he pulled back with a hazy gaze with the green almost overtaken by the black pupils. No hesitation as your lips sucked on his neck, bringing a gravelly moan from the man over you, a sound that caused your lower half to clench. Legs unable to fully close as his fingers drew symbols on your inner thigh.

Symbols that spelt out his full name. Now that was really hot.

A gasp pulled from your throat you arched as a hand came up to cup your breast in his hand; Luke could argue all he wanted, but he was boob man when it came to you.

Thoughts disappearing the ecstasy with the love of your life overtook your senses.

July 1998

The white dress was a little snugger than the previous month, but you had a good reason for it. A tiny little blob had taken up residence in your womb with a sickness that lasts all day from day one until the start of trimester two. Getting pregnant had to be easy with Luke from the number of times.

Didn’t matter where you were when Luke tugged you away. The small bathroom in the studio? Three times.

Luke’s couch? Yeah, Alex refuses to sit there now.

At this point, you had been everywhere, trying for a baby was incredibly fun, but the hormones sucked. Luke’s deft fingers creating the chords of a song? Bobby banned you from rehearsals, and you had an emergency bag of clothes as well.

“You look gorgeous.” Nancy Y/L/N told her daughter with tears glittering in her eyes as she took in the sight of her daughter. The wedding dress the bridesmaids, mother’s and Alex had hunted for; the boy had tagged along as he was like a brother. Reggie, Bobby and Luke had spent the day with Mitch and Lance.

A sob broke from the lips of Lance; his baby girl no longer needed him with her soon to be husband. There was no one in the world he trusted more with his daughter than Luke Patterson. The boy never placed the band ahead of his fiancée, and it was quickly noticed how much Luke adored the Y/L/N girl.

“Dad.” You spoke, rushing to hug the man in your arms, “Stop crying. You’ll make me cry.”

Lance was able to hold his tears until the music started and the doors opened to the venue that Luke’s parents married in. Luke stood at the altar with Bobby, Alex, and Reggie. On the opposite side stood your best friend, a childhood friend and your close cousin.

“You look beautiful,” Dad told you slowly making their way to the man cupping his hands over his face. Overtaken by your beauty and the glow, Luke thanked Lance.

“Baby, you look like an Angel,” Luke whispered, squeezing your hands tightly in his as the ceremony began.

“It’s rare that one can find their soulmate, the other half of themselves on such a large plant. Luke and Y/N orbited each other as young children and fell in love in a perfect place. For those of you who don’t know, these two met as a concert. The first step to falling in love. Music is important to this couple.” The officiant spoke, “Luke’s mother told me once that music tethered their souls together, they truly met at a concert, and every important moment had a song.”

Luke’s eyes watered meeting the brown of his mother’s love-filled eyes holding hands with her husband. Luke had no clue how much his mother came to accept, and he felt the relationship fully fix itself as it settled that his Mom had personally made the ceremony better.

 “These two souls came together and became one. Luke and Y/N’s love is rare and beautiful. Today these two had decided to make their own vows.” The officiant finished, “Luke if you could start.”

“There has always music in my heart and soul since childhood. I adored listening and begging my parents for new music. My parents, one year, gave me a guitar as a gift, and it started a deep passion in my soul. I made a band with my best friends, and the band brought me to a person that would become more important. Y/N, I had had a crush on you for a long time before you first spoke to me. I had hit Reggie in the calf with my father’s car, and you made a joke about my height. It wouldn’t be until years later than I somehow convinced you to take a chance.” Luke squeezed your hands, “I love music because it brought me to you.”

“Luke. I am absolutely positive that I have loved you for more than this lifetime as my love is so vast and deep. I believe we have been destined since the dawn of time to find each other together by music. I can’t compete with your vows because you have a way with words with the songwriting you’ve done. You’ve been there through the hard times and best times holding my hand ready to catch me if I fell. I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives catching each other when we need it.”

“May the rings be presented?” The officiant asked with a smile as your best friend and Alex gave the rings.

“With this ring, I thee wed,” Luke whispered as he slid the band to rest against your engagement ring. You repeated the words as you slid the band on his finger as well.

“I now pronounce you as man and wife. Mr. Patterson, you may kiss your wife.” The officiant spoke, sending the room into applause.

You and Luke ran down the aisle still holding hands with the biggest smiles of your entire life to the limo that would deliver you to the reception. Luke couldn’t help himself as he pressed kisses all over. This was a glorious day for the musician, his career was going really well, and he married the most beautiful girl.

“God, I love you.” Luke murmured to the girl in the white dress. Leaning closer for another kiss, Luke froze.

Digging into his ankle was a heavy object. Your nervous eyes glittered under the dimmed lighting in the limo. Never-ending eye contact Luke lifted a moderately heavy wooden chalkboard. Written on the sign was: ‘Unofficial flower girl or ring bearer’.

“Are you serious?” Luke asked gobsmacked at the news that heightened the greatness of his wedding day. Eyes flickering to meet yours he watched as your hand unzipped a hidden pocket on your dress.

Flat on your hand was a pregnancy test similar to the one you took months back. The only difference being this one had two lines.

“AS serious as a heart attack. There will be a baby Patterson in six months.” The laugh was joyful as your lips parted.

Luke wasted absolutely no time in setting his hand on the slight bump the dress had covered, “This is why you mentioned your dress being snugger?”

“Mhm.” You replied, stroking the softness of his cheekbone in pure love with him and the life you carried, “We’re in for a wild ride Patterson.”

“Bring it on.” Luke finished kissing your cheek as the limo came to a stop in front of a large venue. The duo you ran inside where your wedding guests threw paper airplanes that Reggie had suggested.

Each airplane had a personal note from your friends and family along that would be gathered into a binder. Reggie had found out that rice wasn’t good for birds and while the reception was inside, he couldn’t do it. So, he brought the idea of paper airplanes; in class, the boys would throw airplanes at each other. It was a nod to their adolescence.

“I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Patterson,” Alex announced into the microphone set on the stage with Sunset Curve’s instruments. It didn’t surprise anyone that the band would play at the wedding.

On the stage, a beautiful Hispanic woman played a soft piano ballad, if you could recall that maybe the bartender from the Orpheum. Her name was on the tip of your tongue as Luke twirled you into his arms with a big grin.

“Mrs. Patterson.” You hummed tugging him to the head table with where your wedding party would join as well. The second Luke helped you sit he knelt down to reach the box covertly placed.

Your eyebrows came together as he opened it, revealing two matching pairs of personalized vans; following the wedding theme one pair was white and another black. On the right shoe, it had ‘just married’ with the wedding date while the left shoe had a picture from your engagement pictures. Of course, Luke made them have Mr. and Mrs. above the image as well.

“How?” You breathed as Luke gently removed your heels to replace them with a thin pair of no-show socks. Over the socks went the white vans that gave your feet a break from the four-inch heels.

“We’re supposed to party now.” Luke beamed squeezing your hands in his only bending to kiss the back of each. His hazel eyes had shifted to a rich green as he stared up at yours with such a tender look, you could feel the heat building in your cheeks.

As your wedding party took their seats, Luke had already changed his shoes and pushed the box back under the table. His left hand refused to leave your right one as you both took in the magical room that had once only been a concept on paper.

“This is amazing.” You breathed leaning into Luke’s arm, sending a smile to the table near the front with both your parents, “Also thank you for the shoe surprise.”

 “I am so happy they got done on time.” Luke sighed slouching in his seat, waving at the photographer you had hired.

If you can recall correctly, Luke had met him at a band photoshoot, and he was the assistant to the head photographer. You believe his name was Ray and incredibly talented and under-appreciated by his former boss.

“Did you let the photographer know we have an open bar?” You leaned over to your new husband with a flutter in your belly at his new title. The question turned the corners of Luke’s mouth for the first time that day.

“I find it unfair that we have an open bar and we can’t drink anything.” Luke snorted nudging Reggie in his side.

“Oh, I think we both know you’ll sneak some for the guys and you.” You chuckled leaning back in the chair. One hand resting on your stomach to caress the material with your thumb, unaware, “I’ll stick to the sparkling juice.”

Luke’s one eyebrow raised at the sudden change in your drink choice as in the past you wouldn’t turn down your favourite. His eyes shifted down to your hand with raised eyebrows.

“Wait…are you…?” Luke drawled out slowly in your ear taken aback when your head in a surreptitious manner. His jaw unhinged mind opened as he took in the tiny bump; in the years together, he was very acquainted with your body.

“We are. How cliché are we?” You laughed as Luke lunged to press a kiss to the supple skin lightly painted with foundation.

Your makeup was natural and straightforward to last longer for photos and make it through the dances for later. It was also Luke’s favourite look.

Dinner, the dances and speeches had sped by ending with both the bouquet toss and the garter toss. The guests mingled with the newlyweds as some danced, Emily had managed to drag Luke back on the floor.

“I’m proud of you, Luke.” Emily smiled up at her son, “And you said those dance lessons were a waste of time.”

A light pink flush took over the nineteen-year old’s full cheeks reminiscing the lessons he had taken with his mother. He had been eleven or twelve at the time when his father pulled a muscle at the worst time. The coupons nearly expiration Emily took Luke to the lessons that initially had been for date night.

“I think it helped with singing-“Luke instinctively cut himself off as he had done years before when music was a no go subject, “Sorry you don-“

“Luke, I can never explain how sorry I am about what happened. I was wrong to push you into a box you didn’t fit. Music is a part of you, and I understand now.” Emily squeezed the bicep of the guitarist, “Besides you’ll understand where we were coming from in a couple months.”

Luke’s jaw dropped at her announcement, “What.”

“Luke, I am a mother. I know the signs such as your wife turning down the wine.” Emily admitted stepping back from the boy that had so suddenly become a man before her very eyes.

No longer was he the chubby-cheeked boy running naked from his bath after splattering spaghetti sauce on himself. He had outgrown his interest in soccer and baseball with his little friends. He had matured into a man that lived up to Emily’s teachings. Luke, in her eyes, was now a man of honour, integrity, kindness and stood up for himself.

Emily and Mitch Patterson had done a fantastic job raising their son, but now they could step back. They would get to watch Luke find his way as a husband and a father.

“Hey, man,” Reggie spoke as Luke walked off the dance floor finding you among family congratulating the couple.

“Hey, Reg.” Luke beamed tugging the bassist into his arms for a tight hug. As the two boys leaned back, they looked over at their friend.

Alex discarded the pink suit jacket at the table in favour of leaning against the wall talking with the bartender. A smile blossomed on the two men’s faces as they took in that Alex was utterly relaxed in the conversation.

“They were hardcore flirting.” Reggie piped up, referencing the male bartender, “His name is Billy, I think.”

The bartender had shoulder-length dark hair pulled back in a bun with glittering brown eyes drowning in the shy blonde. He wore a dark shirt opened a few buttons with white detailing on it. A white necklace as well, but it was the lovesick smile Luke loved; Alex deserved happiness the most in Sunset Curve.

“He’s totally a skater.” Reggie spoke, “It’s a love story. He’s a skater boy, and he’d like to do ballet.”

“That would be a sick song. He was a punk, she did ballet.” Luke hummed to a melody created on the spot, “Not really our sound.”

“Someone will figure out a way to use it.” Reggie waved off, and he was right. A singer would use the exact lyric in her song ‘Sk8er Boi’ in 2002 when Sunset Curve would bump into her.

Slowly the boys of Sunset Curve found their way to the stage to perform a few songs directed towards you. At your urging, you had demanded they give a live performance of Unsaid Emily for your now mother-in-law. As they sang, you wrapped an arm, Emily, as she cried.

“This is his best work.” You mumbled to the older woman cupping her wet cheek leaning into the touch of her husband’s touch.

As soon as the song was over, Emily yanked her son into her arms both parties of the hug emotionally moved. It seemed the performance had shifted something in their relationship for the better. Luke didn’t need to explain as he pulled you into his side once more.

 “Alex isn’t the only one that found someone.” You whispered, finding Alex and the bartender on break dancing on the edge of the dance floor. At your husband’s puzzlement, your finger pointed in the direction of the stage.

In a conversation photographer, Ray captivated the lead singer of the band you had hired when Sunset Curve didn’t play. Even Reggie seemed to have the attention of your twin showgirl cousins from Las Vegas.

“Love attracts love.” Luke simply spoke, wrapping his built arms around his wife, thinking back on the changes that had happened.

Luke hitting Reggie’s leg with the car at thirteen, finding each other at the concert a few years later, the accident that threatened the relationship. Proposing twice and finally marrying over a year later on the same day you confessed the pregnancy. So much had happened in such a fraction of time.

“I love you.” Luke murmured at the shell of your ear watching his friends have the time of their lives on a beautiful day in the summer of 1998.

Above are the example of the shoes that Luke got.

Tag List (PLEASE SEND AN INBOX TO BE ADDED! I CANNOT GUARANTEE YOU WILL BE ON THE LIST VIA POST COMMENTS!)

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[panic-at-the-fiction]

Let’s Talk About Cuba

Sumary: (y/n) and Alex has a rocky relationship to begin with but after the events in Cuba they have a lot to talk about. But Alex seems to be avoiding (y/n).

Warnings: Smut, totally could have used some protection. Bad smut writing

A/N: So I wrote this in like May before I had even started posting and I had a friend help me write the smut part but she quit on me so I had to write the uncomfortable last bit by myself. And for my first smut piece ever I did okay with it but I was so uncomfortable writing it I never got around to posting it. So here I am 5 months later finally posting it. And may I say Alex Summers needs more smut written for him. Just not by me.

Things had been complicated for the past couple of months. Shaw was finally dead. Then we lost Erik and Raven to the human killing dark side just like we had lost angel. Then Xavier told us that Moria wasn’t going to be coming back to the mansion either. She had left without even saying goodbye too. At least Shawn had the decency to tell he was returning home to see his parents.

Our ragged tag team of mutants was gone and with Xavier and Hank all so busy with their big plans to make this place into a mutant school, with their bright new students arriving any day now. There was really no point in me and Alex staying here.

I mean we were too old to be students. Neither of us were qualified to be teachers either, but where else would we go? Charles and Erik had found Alex in a high security prison and me living out of an illegal gambling ring hustling sleazy rich guys at poker each night. We didn’t have a warm fuzzy home to go back too like Shawn did.

I had been wondering the halls for the past hour trying to find Alex. We hadn’t had a chance to talk in private about what happened In Cuba.

He had saved me from one of angels acid spit blast only to end up on top of me. Both of our faces barely inches apart. I swear we stayed like that for an eternity. Both of us staring at the other like we were contimplating the existence of the universe.

Now I’ll be the first to admit I had always felt a tension between us. At first it seemed like it was burning hatred but over training our sarcasitc comments to each other became less mean and more flirtatious. Only now we barely even say anything. Just a few glances between us followed by awkward eye contact.

Ever since Cuba I haven’t been able to think much about anything other than his lips on mine. Neither of us have been willing to bring it up yet and Ive started to think maybe he didn’t want to talk to me. That he’s been avoiding me and that what ever happened with us on that beach was in my head; that he doesn’t feel the same way. The idea of it all was stressing me out. I had never felt like this before. I had never gotten this worked up over a guy.

I knocked on his bedroom door, but no answers. I could hear his record player playing in his room. He had to be in there. “Alex open up Its me, we really need to talk.” Still no answer. I was beginning to get pissed off. If he didn’t want to talk about Cuba because he doesn’t feel the same way he can tell me like a man. “Alex! Just open the damn door and talk to me like a man or I’ll have to break it down!”

That’s when I heard the hallway bathroom door open. He was just strolling out of the bathroom, post shower in sweat pants and no shirt. This man really had no idea the effect he could have on me. I stormed over to him pointing my finger at his chest ready to unleash my weeks worth of built up anger and insecurities. “Where the hell have you been Summers?! I haven’t seen you around in a week! How come you’ve been ignoring me? To afraid to talk to me like a man now summers?”

He just stared at me startled like a deer I headlights. He seemed to get ahold of himself and process what I had yelled at him.“I haven’t been avoiding you (y/n). I’ve just been busy with you know stuff.”

“Oh you’ve just been busy with ‘stuff’ that’s why I’ve been wondering the halls alone the past couple of weeks. We’re they only ones here and there hasn’t been anything to do since we got here. How the hell have you been busy? I mean I’ve gone out of my mind just trying to occupy the time. You haven’t talked to me in days and UGH I’m trying to be mad at you for ignoring me but it’s hard to focus when your not wearing a goddamn shirt!” In that moment I couldn’t stop myself. I grabbed his face and pulled him down to my hight crashing my lips onto his. I realized what I had done to late and I quickly pulled away, trying to act cool about what I had just done.

The awkward silience was deadly. Alex only laughed and shook his head. “You really have no idea how insane you drive me.” He closed the distance between us, pushing me up against the wall grabbing my hips and kissing me.

I threw my arms around his shoulders completely melting at the feeling of his lips on mine. The kiss was picking up quickly. His hand slid down to the back of my thighs and he easily lifted me off the ground. I quickly wrapped my legs around him.

He fumbled with the door handle to his room. Barely getting open and getting us inside. He kicked the door shut with his foot before laying us down on the bed. His lips begin to work their way down my neck stopping and leaving marks every so often. His fingers tracing up my shirt, slowly pushing it up. I couldn’t stand his slow teasing so I broke the kiss, quickly taking off my own shirt.

We easily fell back into the same rhythm. Each kissing the other like we couldn’t get enough.

Alex unhooked my bra and began kissing down my stomach, moving towards my hips. He slowly slipped my pants off. “Is this ok?” he asked.

“Of course it is.” His hand drifted to my inner thighs and then to my already wet heat.

“You're this sensitive, baby?”

“Don't act like it's not your fau-“ He pressed his lips onto mine before I could finish my sentence. The hand that was hovering over me started taking off my underwear. I shimmied my legs to get them off and he broke away.

“Do we really have time for all this teasing?” I asked sitting up on my hands.

“Hey I’ve been waiting to do this for a long time now. I’m gonna do it right.” He repositioned himself so he could comfortably rest his head between my thighs. He moved closer, grazing his tongue against my clit slowly. I ran my hand through his hair.

“Fuck.” I moaned as the knot in my stomach unraveled.

“You better quite down or you might wake up the whole mansion.” He laughed.

“Shut up you jerk” I said playfully smacking his shoulder.

“Now lay on you back.”

“A bit demanding there aren’t we?” he said refusing to move.

“Just do it.” I said pushing him over so that he laid beside me.

“Alright then.”

I flipped over to straddle him. I quickly took off his sweat pants. I line him up with my entrance and in to him. I lean down connect our lips again. I moved my hips as fast as I could. I couldn’t get enough of him. Alex seemed to not even able to get enough either as he flipped me back over leaving him once more on top.

His pace was rough and fast but I could still feel the tenderness with every thrust. I dragged my hands down his back. I must have scratched him because he took both my hands and pinned them down with his own away from both of us. Between not being able to touch him and his uncontrollable thrust the knot in my stomach built up once more and was quickly undone. Alex continued thrust as he reached his own high.

With both of us hot and out of breaths he slowly pulled out and layed beside me. We layed there still catching our breaths before I trned my head to look over at him. “So you’ve been waiting to do that with me for a while?” I asked smiling thinking about what he had said earlier. “How long have you’ve wanted to do that?”

He flipped over to face me and set up on his elbow. “To be honest since the first day they brought us together and you stood up to me all sassy like.” I was doing my best not to laugh. To think after all that worrying about him not feeling the same way about me he had liked me since before I knew I like him.

Alex smiled at me and slipped his arm around me pulling me closer so that I was laying on his chest. “You think we woke up the professor dorks down the hall?”

I had totally forgot they were still in the mansion. I let out a soft laughed and burred my face in his chest. “Oh God I hope not.”

[incorrect-miraith-quotes]

(A/N yes, this is an incorrect quote acc but I can write actual good stuff too 😳)

Drinks and Sunsets

7:00 AM (3 hours before the match starts)

“Renee!! Wake up please, there is breakfast!” Natalie shouted at the closed door infront of her. Renee had fallen asleep at an ungodly time trying to find out more about herself and well, it didnt work out the way she wanted. She groaned, squeezing her eyes tight while moving her arms up. She stretched and eventually popped her shoulder which caused her to scream but not really scream if you understand what I mean. She cursed at herself for not going to sleep earlier knowing that there was a game today. She sat up, shading her eyes from the window that shown the bright sun. Her head turned to the door when she heard knocks coming from the other side. “someone’s there” Renee’s voices whispered, echoing throughout her ears. “No shit sherlock,” She hissed.

“Wra- I mean Renee~ wait no- sorry. Renee are you gonna eat?” Elliot sputtered, clearing his throat. “Depends on what it is,” She sighed. “It’s uH..pancakes I think? I dont know, Ramya was chosen to be the one who cooks today. They looked..burnt,” He explained, shuddering from the thought of Ramya’s pancakes. “I guess, give me a minute to get dressed and I’ll head out. Wait for me?” Renee asked, getting up and walking to her dresser. “Uh..yeah, yeah I’ll wait for you. Dont worry about a thing..you worried cause I’m not..haha..ha..,” Elliot trailed off, sliding down to the floor until he hit his arse on the concrete. Renee chuckled to herself in his stupidity and got dressed. She wore a black tank top with short grey shorts and her black sneakers with her ankle high socks (black of course). She unlocked her door and peered over to the tall man crouched next to her door, falling asleep.

“Wake up Elliot, I thought I was the one to wake up hm?” She flicked his forehead, causing him to rub the spot where he was hit. “Ow ow ow- Why??” Elliot questioned, confused as to why he was hit. “You were gonna start drooling so..anyways, breakfast?” Renee pulled him up, almost falling backwards. “I mean that’s why I’m here right? Right? i hope Im right..,” Elliot trailed off again, starting his journey towards the kitchen with the small woman behind him. Everynow and then he would peek back to make sure she was still there and not inside a portal. “You’re safe with him” Renee looked up at Elliot, the voice echoing throughout her mind. “You like him dont you” Renee looked up at the ceiling and scrunched her face in annoyance, internally screaming at the voices. “I don’t, you guys always assume things,” she whispered, looking at the random framed pictures hung up on the wall. “Elliot!” Renee shouted at the still walking man. He jumped slightly and flinched, “y-yeah? What’s up?” “Kitchen is right here doofus,” She nodded her head towards the room, “How did you manage to miss this big ass room??” “I guess it was an accident, never done that before haha,” He sighed and apologized. The so called pancakes were sitting on a top of a white ceramic plate, getting colder by the minute. “I wouldn’t even dare to try them..I mean you could but- It probably wouldnt be good..,” He walked over to the counter, “If you want, I can cook somthing up for you?” “That would be nice thank you and uh..can you make me some coffee? You know how I like it already,” She sat down at the large dinner table, laying her head down. “Yeah I can do that for ya, anything you want in particular?” Elliot asked but was met with silence. He peeked over and saw she was sleeping soundly with her head in her arms. Elliot took off his sweater and draped it over her shoulders then went back to the kitchen.

8:37 AM (1:30 hours before the match starts)

“Breakfast is ready Renee,” he shook her gently until she stirred, “Mornin’ beaut- I-I mean um..sleepyhead..? Yeah..that’s the word..sleepyhead.” “Mmm..mor-“ She clears her throat and rubs her eyes, “morning..sorry I fell asleep I just didn’t get enough sleep last night.” She looked down at the scrambled eggs and toast that were neatly placed onto the plate infront of her. “It’s fine, I didnt wanna bother you because I thought you’d kill me,” He admitted, taking off the apron that was tied around his waist. He placed it on the hook next to the fridge where a stickynote was left by Octavio not to touch his jello. The only person he let touch his stuff was Natalie. Renee picked up the fork and began eating. “You should date him” “No,” She whispered, furrowing her brows as she picked up a piece of egg with her fork. She watched as the tall man made her coffee just the way she likes it; black with a little bit of sugar and creamer. She was never one to like sweet coffee like everyone else. He poured the jug’s contents into her prefered mug. He added the little things she liked and carried it over to where she was sitting. She thanked him with a small, almost unnoticable, smile. Renee sat there with her cup close to her nose, smelling the bitter coffee aroma. She cooled it before sipping it slowly, enjoying the taste of her morning coffee.

“Hey Elliot, do you know what time it is?” She questioned the other who was washing the pan. He checked his phone and replied, “8:52” Renee stood up and brought her plate to the sink after she was done eating. “Could you wash these for me? I need to freshen up in my room,” She handed him the plate, “thanks.” She started making her way towards her room; which consisted of one right and a lot of walking straight. But she never got tired of it since she was happy she lived comfortably with her friends. The 2 rooms that were next to hers were Natalie’s and Ajay’s. The boys were on the opposite side so in front of her was Elliot. The hallway she lived in held 6 legends at a time 3 girls, 3 boys. Renee’s hallway had Ajay, her, and Natalie and then Octavio, Elliot, and Tae. The others had their hallways, some with empty rooms for future legends. Natalie was never really in her room since she was always with Octavio. It was weird, seeing two polar opposites living together. Then there were Ajay and Tae, she managed to make friends with him. I’m pretty sure Tae is still annoyed but is warming up to her.

“Oh! Youre awake finally,” Natalie smiled, walking out of Octavio’s room, “You never woke up so I had to get Elliot to help me..” Renee stood there at her door with the key in the slot, “Yeah, Ive just been...thinking.”

“Hm, well I hope you get some more sleep. Oh and goodluck with the match today!”

“You arent participating today?”

“Non, Ive been feeling unwell for the past few hours”

“Why aren’t you in bed then?”

“Well, Tavi was getting Ajay but he hasnt come back yet”

“You should be resting Nat..”

“Im okay I swear! Pas besoin de s'inquiéter,” She smiled softly and weakly. She was still in the large shirt Octavio gave her to sleep in and pajama pants. She had a small nessy plush tucked into her elbow, being squished tightly. “Chica! Get back in the bed right now or else im going to llevarte allí yo mismo,” Octavio came back with soup and meds, shouting at the sickly girl. “Ah, Tavi.. Je suis désolé I was just wondering where you were.,” She hugged the plush closer to her fragile body. “Come here conejita, lets get you better,” He lifted her up into his arms, still carrying the supplies Ajay had given him, “When you are done being sick I am going to....”

“Lovebirds,” Renee sighed and closed the door to her room, preparing for the match ahead of her. She got her battle gear on and re-did her messy bun into a neat one. Her kunai rested on the counter, untouched in its holster. She picked it up and unsheathed it, smiling at the small sparks of void that emitted out of it. She put it away and hooked the holster to her belt. “You know you wanna be like them, you cant deny it” The voices teased. “You guys really want me in a relationship huh,” Renee flopped backwards onto her messy bed. She didnt have time to make it in the morning but now she can. She checked her phone and scrolled through her social medias. Elliot made her download them and every now and then, Elliot will make her post a picture or something. She always got tagged in fanart and random posts about her in the matches. She would occasionally like some and they would freak out and thank her. She scrolled through her tagged until she came across one post. It was fanart of her and Elliot, sitting together with their hands intertwined watching the sunset. Renee blushed slightly at the art. She saw that Elliot had already liked it, but seeing as he likes all posts that he got tagged in, it wasnt weird. She hesitantly liked it and turned off her phone. “Maybe I do like him” Her thoughts were interupted when someone knocked at the door.

9:34 (couple minutes until the match starts. The ship still has to arrive at the arena, World’s Edge)

“Renee! Get yuh ass over here ‘cause the match starts soon!” Ajay’s voice boomed through the door. Her footsteps could be heard on the other side as she walked away. Renee stood up and stretched while walking towards where Ajay just was. She opened the door to see Elliot walking out of his room. “Oh hey Ren..can I call you that? Im gonna call you that..anyways, hi. Wanna walk together?” She nodded, “Okay cool, lets start heading over before everyone leaves without us.” They walked in a comfortable silence over to their friends. Octavio was in a corner moping since he didnt have his love interest with him while Crypto spied on him from another corner. He was still mad that Nat rejected him a few weeks ago to be with Octavio. It was crazy hearing that he was sulking around in his room for hours on end. But back to the main girl in this story, Renee sat down on one of the couches that sat in the middle of the room. Everyone was ready to board the dropship to head over to the arena. Here is what was going around, Gibby and Ajay were laughing together,Octavio was..unenergetic for once, Tae was in the corner, Loba was fixing her nails while Rev watched her on the wall, Alexander was playing around with his gas, and lastly Ramya was chewing gum while playing on her phone. It was always bustling in the living space because its where everyone socialized other than the bar. A small yet loud alarm was sounded to let all the legends know it was time to board the dropship.

“Woo-hoo! It’s finally time to go,” Octavio said unenthusiastically. Everyone walked in one-by-one or in pairs. They all strapped up in their skydiving equipment and was prepared for the long drop ahead of them. Renee stood next to Elliot’s room in the ship while the others either went to their rooms or sat in the middle. (Reference back to the season 3 trailer for room placement) Renee was flippping her kunai peacefully while Elliot rambled about something in his room. She enjoyed listening to him talk about nonsense while the quiet humming of the ship was surrounding them. It was peaceful, atleast to her. It blocked out most of the voices and when she was around Elliot they seemed to shut up and occasionally tease her. The drop ship shook a bit and Elliot tripped a little but caught himself. Renee didnt mind turbulence since she didnt really care about anything really, she tenses up a bit sometimes but thats about it. Her scarf end swayed as the ship lowered slowly. Suddenly the screens flashed on and displayed everyone’s banners. Everyone gets a chance to customize and submit their banners to headquarters. The teams were as listed,

Lifeline, Crypto, and Gibraltar

Octane, Caustic, and Bloodhound

Mirage, Wraith, and Loba

Revenant, Pathfinder, Bangalore

Rampart

Everyone stood on their respective platforms also known as where the screens flashed their names. The champions were shown not even a minute later, Wraith’s team was shown and she said a voiceline to taunt her enemies of the day. The metal shifted under their feet and lowered slowly, revealing the bright, cold arena. Everyone at this point was used to the cold though, they were glad it was world’s edge because kings canyon during those months was scorching. Comms were switched on and everyone tested out the mics. Everything was set up and ready to go so teams started dropping towards their locations. Wraith was jumpmaster and pinged on the map, Fragment West. Everyone knew both of Fragment was dangerous and it was hotdrop that game too. You can bet that there were multiple death boxes surrounding the small yet large area. Wraith was already kill leader with 7 kills from the popular spot. Bullets were heard in the distance and Wraith portaled to gain some speed while Loba teleported and Mirage had to run. He wasn’t a running person for long distances so he just took wraith’s portal.

“W- Wait up you two! I dont have a movement ability!!” He cried out to the two girls. The two looked at eachother and giggled while looking back at the energy drained man. “Danger move” Wraith looked around and pinged an enemy and phased away out of danger. Again, Loba teleported away and Mirage was left alone to run away. They hit him good but he managed to get behind cover. Wraith lended him some shield cells and syringes and shot at the other team with her sentinel. The other team was Octane’s team and they were stacked; Octane had gold armour while his teammates had red evo. Octane also had a peacekeeper that he got from a carepackage just next to them. It was a long fight, from gas being thrown on them to the ring closing in on the two teams. They had been fighting for so long they didnt even realize that there were only 3 teams in total left. Wraith’s team, Octane’s team, and lastly Pathfinder. I would say Pathfinder’s team but his teammates died and the banner timers ran out, he was left solo.

“Everyone try to watch your backs, the robot could try to ambush one of us,” Loba turned to face her teammates, occassionally looked up and around for the tall simulacrum. “Spotted him, up there. He has a longbow and what seems to be a flatline on his back. I could snipe him down if that’s what you want,” Wraith calmly called out, pulling out her sentinel and charging it. “Go ahead beautiful,” Loba replied. In an instant, a loud, charged sentinel bullet was shot and killed the robot up on the hill, instantly eliminating him. Now, it was just Octane and Wraith’s teams left to fight. “Nice kill Re- I mean,” He cleared his throat, “Nice kill Wraith..” Wraith smiled and thanked him silently while eyeing down the other team. Seconds went by and both teams rushed eachother. Bullets whizzed by eachothers heads and occasionally hit their shoulders or legs. Octane’s team was low on meds while the other team was low on ammo. Another minute of fighting passes and Wraith’s team is deemed the champion. When they were back in the drop ship everyone congratulated them for winning even though they were in a tight spot. There was an after match party happening in an hour so everyone went back to their rooms to clean up after a long day and get dressed. Renee was first to her room to take a shower while the others stayed in the kitchen or hallways sparking conversations with eachother. While Renee took her cold shower, Elliot decided it was be such a good idea to just waltz into her room to ask her a question not knowing that she was relaxing without voices for once.

“Hey Renee! I was just wondering if you wanted to match for the uh..,” He paused, looking around, “Renee? Where are you??” He looked around the empty yet messy room. Clothes thrown everywhere and notebooks and hairties were strewn about. Her messy bed showing how much she slept that night, which it wasn’t much. He began to worry about her well-being and if she even actually took care of herself. He heard the loud shower running so he went and knocked on the bathroom door. But before he actually knocked, he thought about the things that could happen if he knocked on her bathroom door when she didnt even know that he was in her room. He’d be killed. Before he knew what was coming he accidentally knocked on the door infront of him like a reflex. He heard the girl inside gasp loudly with a few things dropping. He startled her, which was a first for him. He was in shock and did not want to move. “She’s like a T-Rex, if I dont move she cannot see me-“ He was cut off when the door swung open and a semi-dryed off Renee was standing in-front of him. She had her body wrapped with a towel and her still damp hair dripped along the floor and her scarred shoulders.

“How are you in here and what do you want,” She said firmly with an annoyed face. “One, your door was open, two, I wanted to ask if you wanted to match outfits for the after match thing..,” He sighed looking away, “Nevermind, it was a dumb question of course you dont.” He turned and apologized but before he could leave the room Renee stopped him. “Who said I didn’t want to? I wouldn’t mind matching with you,” She stepped over to her closet and sifted through the dresses section, “What color or style were you thinking of?” Elliot was astonished that she actually agreed to do anything with him. “I was thinking accents of purple..? I think it would look nice on both of us,” He sat down on a nearby chair in her room, looking away from her slender body. “Fine with me, now turn around,” She made sure he had his eyes closed and was turned around in order to change. She dropped the towel and peered back just in case. “You want him to see you” “Tell him to turn around” “Let him touch you” The voices were surrounding her but she managed to ignore them. When she finished getting dressed she had Elliot turn around.

“Wow..,” Elliot had no words for the sight in front of him. She wore a long black dress that had a slit on the side with a fluffy, purple boa draped over her shoulders and she was wearing heels making her as tall as him. She played with her hair a bit out of embarrassment while looking away. “You look..amazing,” Elliot was admiring her features that he acted like he’d never seen before, “I just- have no words.” “I dont look that good relax,” Renee walked over to her dresser and put on a necklace that had a purple gem in the middle. “Are you going to just stand there and not go to your room and get dressed?” Renee peered over at him from the mirror. “Right..right yeah, Ill be back to ‘pick you up’,” He opened the door and quietly shut it behind him. She sighed and thought out loud, “What am I going to do about him?” She put her hair in a half bun-half hair down sort of style and finished her look with mascara and a slight tint to her lips. She slipped on short black gloves and grabbed a clutch that had small purple accents on it. “He will like it” “For once you look nice” “People are going to judge you” “Nobody will approach you” “People are going to hate you” The voices started off nice but went downhill and piled hate after hate onto her. She pushed them away and mumbled to herself that tonight will be a good night. Light knocking was heard and she went to open the door, her heels clicking with every step.

“Ready to gooooo-“ He looked her up and down and smiled, “You’re beautiful” He tucked a stray strand from her hair behind her ear, “Let’s be on our way before the limosu- limosio- limo gets here.” He held out a hand and she gladly took it. They held hands for most of the way until Renee let go to check her clutch for something. She pulled it out and checked it before slipping it back in. It was her Apex ID, aka the only way to get into Apex events. You can be one of the legends but they wouldnt let you in without it since people knew how to look almost identical to them. She didn’t regrab his hand after that, she wanted to make sure no one saw. When they got to the front of the building everyone was in their formal attire. Octavio was wearing a green suit top with tailored shorts to go along with it and Natalie wore a white party dress that had orange and blue accents, Anita was in a classic suit talking to Loba who was in a short gold dress, Crypto was in a white suit with green accents, Rampart was in a blouse and office pants, Gibby was in a suit while Ajay wore a long blue dress, Bloodhound wore their goggles along with a suit that had a red cloth in its pocket, and Alexander wore a plain black suit. Revenant doesn’t dress up he said. Pathfinder simply went as himself for the night. After a couple minutes of waiting the limo drove up to the curb of the building. Everyone piled in close together and began conversations with eachother. Elliot and Renee sat really close together due to the limo being quite small for a bunch of legends. Some minutes pass and Renee’s eyes are starting to close. She finally let the sleepiness take over her and her head softly fell onto Elliot’s shoulder. He looked over at her and smiled. Most of the legends eyed them and mouthed for him not to move one bit or she would murder him.

“Elliot..,” Renee mumbled in her sleep, “I..love you..” The small sentence was only heard by the man allowing her to sleep. He tensed up but relaxed as her arm draped over his. The limo pulled up to the event center and a red carpet was dramatically rolled out for the legends. One-by-one everyone was walking down the red carpet either together or solo. Im guessing you can guess which ones walked solo. Elliot nudged Renee and she slowly opened her eyes. She yawned quietly and her eyes met his. They looked at eachother and then she backed away, standing up. She turned away and quickly walked out of the limo and Elliot followed shortly after. Elliot caught up and walked beside her while she covered her eyes from the flashing of the cameras. He enjoyed all the attention on him but Renee never did. He realized what was happening and walked directly infront of her, taking the spotlight. The taller put his hand behind his back and Renee allowed herself to grab and squeeze it lightly. He led her somewhere private and sat her down on a wall away from everyone else.

“You okay? I know you dont like the atten- attentin- eyes on you,” he knelt down, matching his eye level with hers. “I’m fine, you dont have to worry about me so much you know,” She sighed and leaned back slightly, “Let’s just get back to the others before they think were fucking or something.” Elliot offered a hand but she declined, pushing herself up from the wall. She swayed her hips with every step she took towards the doors. Her dress flowed down neatly from her waist down to the carpeted floor. He watched her walk away as the boa she wore bounced with her strides. “W- wait up Renee!” He yelled, fast-walking towards her but she was already through the doors. When he made it through, it was bustling with legends from other ports and random game organizers. There was loud music playing from speakers up above and most of the legends were by the bar including Anita and Loba. Others were either on couches or talking near walls with each other. There were people dancing in the middle of the room where flashing lights and more sparkled along the area. His eye caught the bright purple boa from across the room.

“Hey Ren, glad I finally found you,” He sat next to the now relaxed woman, “Let me guess, appletini?” She gave a side-glance towards him while she sipped the drink he guessed. It was her usual at the Paradise Bar so it wasn’t weird. Minutes went by and the found themselves laughing at eachother from stupid jokes and random stories. A slow-dancing song played on the speakers and everyone got with a partner.

“Wanna go dance with me Ren?” Elliot grabbed her hand, pointing to where everyone was partnered together. “I can’t really dance Elliot, I dont know if I could do it,” Renee responded back to him, covering her face with her boa. “Oh, come on you can’t be that bad at dancing. It’s not that hard, come on I’ll teach you,” He grabbed her hand and pulled her off the seat to take her over to everyone else. He brought her to the dance floor and held her close, guiding her hands to where they were supposed to be. He placed her hands on her lower waist and swayed side-to-side with her. “See? I told you it wasnt that ha-“ He winced as she stepped on his foot, “It’s fine, I forgive you since you’re a beginner.” She apologized anyways and held him closer. As the song came to an end everyone seperated except for them.

“This is nice,” Renee pulled away from his arms, “Want to go somewhere more..quiet?” Elliot’s face contorted to a confused yet happy expression. “I know just the place Ren!” He grabbed her hand and practically sprinted out the doors with her, bringing her to a cliff just off the side of the road. He sat down far away from the edge and patted the spot next to him, signalling for her to walk over and sit next to him. The sun was setting and it was the most beautiful thing that Renee had ever seen. “Oh wow Elliot..I never knew about this spot,” She couldn’t stop gazing at the orange and red hues surrounding the hot ball of gas. “My mom would take me here sometimes, from the sunset, the sunrise, and the stars oh my god the stars. She’d make them so amazing but one day she got so sick and she couldn’t take me anymore. So everytime we get to come here I come out here, to escape the whole legend thing and relax by myself. But now, I see two pretty things infront of me..the sunset and well, you,” He gently grabbed her hand and her reddish face was hard to see in the dark. She turned her head towards him and he smiled softly. “This reminds me of something I saw today, a post with a drawing of us. There’s just one thing missing to complete the scene I believe,” Renee saw him thinking and it looked like a lightbulb just turned on in his head. He leaned in and so did she. They closed their eyes and-

kissed

The scene matched the vibe of the social media post that Renee had randomly come across. It was a strange feeling to Renee, for she had never felt this way towards anyone before. Atleast, not a time that she could remember. Elliot had a goofy smile plastered on his face afterwards. She grinned and leaned on his shoulder as they gazed at the stars that started to peek from the horizon. “Alright yuh lovebirds, get yuh asses inside before we leave without yuh guys,” Ajay leaned against the door, watching them. “Oh, alright. We’ll be right there Ajay,” Renee looked over her shoulder to the other girl and smiled softly. Ajay nodded and closed the door behind her. Elliot was the first to get up and then offered a hand for Renee to grab. She gladly took it and he hoisted her up to her feet. She brushed off any dirt that may have gotten onto her dress. As they went back inside, no one really looked at them apart from quick glances. Anita signalled to them over at the entrance that they were leaving the event. They held hands as they rushed over to the group, not wanting to let go of eachother. Anita counted them and led everyone back to the limosuine so they could pile in the same way they did when they arrived.

(Back at the Apex Dormrooms)(Specifically Elliots Room)

The two were sitting on top of the bed in Elliot’s room, talking. Everyone had just got back to the dorms and they had rushed out so they could get some privacy. “So..what are we now?” Renee turned towards Elliot, who was fidgeting with his hands. He looked up and shifted into a more comfortable position to look at the girl next to him. He looked back infront of him and flopped back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. “Whatever you want us to be, Ren,” His eyes glanced at her features from the angle he was in.

“I want to be...more than friends-“

“Best friends?”

“No-“

“Best best friends..?”

“Elliot-“

“What?”

“I want to be together, as in I want us to date and do things that couples do,” her head turned towards him. “A-are you sure?? I-I-I mean I dont think Im that bad at being a boyfriend but are you really sure you want to be in a rela- rele- be with me???” He stammered, not knowing what to say. “Yes,” was all she had to say when Elliot pulled her in close to lay down next to him. He kissed her cheeks and her forehead multiple times before stopping to stare at her beauty. She giggled and smiled then held him down into a cuddle position on the bed. “This is what I’ve always wanted, despite me acting like I never did,” She admitted, tracing circles on the others chest. “Did you want to sleep here for the night? Or..we’re you going to go back to your room?” Elliot asked, but got no response from the other. Renee was fast asleep in his arms, snoring softly. Elliot smiled a loving smile and kissed her forehead lightly then fell asleep quick with the warmth she amitted.

E X T R A

Octane walked into Elliot’s room, knowing it was unlocked and because he was his best friend. He had his phone in hand, ready to ask a question about the future match. His eyes darted towards the bed after noticing that the lights were off. There, he saw his best friend with the stone cold girl, who never really showed emotion. He gasped quietly and opened the camera app on his phone. He snapped a picture but before he knew it, the flash went off and lit up the entire area of the man’s bed. Renee groaned and covered herself more with the blanket that was draped over her and Elliot. He quickly stepped out of the room where the couple rested and snickered at the photo he caught. His first thought was to post it, his second? To post it and then print it and frame it. He didnt want to seem like a bitch so he decided to post it with the caption, “Found the lovebirds mating LOL” Within a matter of seconds, the post flooded with likes and shares. Which meant that all if not most of the legends would see it. You bet that Elliot and Renee we’re furious when they both came across it the next day..

THE END

word count: 5,445

Hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it :] <3

Quotes will resume Monday,, 2:00pm CT

[agentsoftie]

Chasing Cars ( C.M )

summary: you have a full on mental breakdown and penelope is there when you have it. her being the expressive person she is tells everyone leading for emily to get mad, and you to understand some feelings

a/n: this is a whole thing. so prepare yourself. also thanks elle and @anepiphany for helping out with this one!

warnings: mental breakdown, swearing (a lot of it), angry emily, heartbreak, basically angst

pairing: hotch x (fem) reader : emily x (fem) reader : rossi (platonic) x reader

song: chasing cars

tagging: @thestrawberrygirl, @marshmallowtraver, @ghostly-angelic, @criminalmindsmoodrn, @yesimaunicorn​

Remember to like and reblog!! And leave feedback!!

Today was not the day. Not the day to have fun, not the day to mess around, not the day to do anything, and yet here we were. Walking into the FBI, a place filled with bad things. And in that sense, enough horrible, terrible, and mortifying things to make an angel frown. This whole week was not going well for you. In fact, it was like your life just decided to turn on you when everything was going just your way. First, your dog died, then it was the 5th year anniversary of your brother’s tragic death. And not to mention your anxiety had been getting worse and worse ever since your best friends Emily’s death, and then resurrection. Oh and the fact that you’re 99% sure that the guy you love, hates you. Yeah, that doesn’t help your case either.

“You’re late.” You hear someone say in a very demeaning stern voice while you rush through the 2 glass doors that protect the outside world from all of the horrors. “Oh shit, sorry Hotch,” You murmur while quickly stumbling to your desk as if you were late for class. You spilt all your files on your desk and then plopped down in the chair as if it were nothing. You put down and debated on falling asleep, but then remembering that your boss would scold you more than he already has, and who would like that.

Penelope happened to be walking by your desk at this time. Everyone else was to busy to notice you, but she did. “Hey Y/N! Can you come with me real quick.” She said while tapping your desk. “What, I- yeah.” You say after jolting your head up and getting up. You followed her into her so-called “bat cave” until you asked why she called you in here. “So, why did you call me in here?” All she did was point to an extra chair and say sit, which you gladly did.

“You’ve been acting strange lately, almost like a different person. So spill.”

“Spill what?”

“Your feelings Y/N. Tell me everything. Because clearly no one cares enough to ask, except me of course. And it’s good to get your feeling out, no matter what they are. And that means I want you to lay everything on me. Make me your free therapist. Tell me all of your problems, all of them.”

You were trying to hold back your tears, you really were. “Penelope”' You said trying to catch your breath. “I just cant anymore. Everything is getting, so hard, and I just. I don’t know what to do. I can’t think straight anymore. And it’s like every day I’m failing, miserably. No matter how hard I try, or will ever try, Hotch will always resent me. I mean, he HATES me Penelope, HATES!! And you know what, I love him. I love it so much and he hates me and I just don’t know what to do. I try to be good enough for him, but everything I do is just, it’s not enough!”

At this point, you were balling. It was like a waterfall. “And did you know that my dog Honey dies 2 days ago? You didn’t do you. No one did! No one does! No pays and fucking attention to me, and I know that that’s pathetic but I am a human being too, I need attention and affection! And I understand that I shouldn’t get my personal life mixed up in work, but literally everyone fucking does it!! In some goddamn way, in some goddamn time, we’ve all fucking done it! But if I do it, I’m being a bad person, an attention seeker, a brat! I’m not a fucking brat Penelope! And you know what, I’m done with people treating me like a fucking doormat! Just because I smile people assume they can treat me like absolute garbage! LIke trash! And you know what! I don’t even know why I smile! I’m not fucking happy! I haven’t been happy for a while! You see this smile, ha, yeah its fucking fake. It’s all fucking fake! Ive gotten at a point where this stupid fucking smile is a reflex, I don’t want it to be a fucking reflex, Penelope!”

At this point, you didn’t even have full control over what you were saying. It was all just coming out, and you just couldn’t stop. “God and my best fucking friend died! Haha, and then she came fucking back like it was nothing! And of course, I didn’t say anything, but oh my fucking god! People just leave, and when they come back, they act like it's nothing. Did you know that today is the 5th year anniversary of my brother’s death? Yeah, this is why I’m late. BUt did Hotch give me a second to explain that I was at his grave, no, he fucking did-”

You were cut off by the door opening. “Hey! We heard some yelling here, is everything okay?” JJ says while looking at the mess that is you.

“Uh, yeah,” You say while wiping all the tears off your face. “We were, just um watching The Notebook, and well you know,”

“Oh okay,” She says in a sense of relief, “Also Y/N, everyone is asking for you to bring some coffee since we ran out of it here.”

“Uh, yeah okay.” You get up and leave like nothing just happened. Penelope was still processing everything you said so she was not paying attention to the fact that you were gone. You quickly grab your coat, purse, and keys and head out.

Penelope was still in shock due to everything that just happened. “Penelope, are you okay?” JJ asks.

“Yes, but no! But yes, ahh, okay. You know what, just get everyone in the briefing room.”

“We have a case? Shouldn’t we wait for Y/N to come back?”

“Yes, well no. God! Just get everyone in there, I have some very important news.”

“Babygirl, why are we here?” Derek says after everyone’s in the briefing room.

“Yeah Garcia, if this isn’t a case, you guys need to get back to work,” Hotch says.

“Oh but this is a case. A very severe one. How much time do we have?” she says while looking at the clock, “Okay 12 minutes should be enough.”

“Enough for what?” Spencer asked, trying to understand what was going on.

“Hush my sweet child let me talk. Uh, okay how does one do this?”

“Do what?” Emily yells.

“Let me think Emily! Okay, our dear friend and teammate Y/N, has been going through some shit and you guys, we, us, are not helping. The poor girl goes through shit every day and we don’t see a thing. Some profilers you all are. And I mean Emily, you’re her best friend! You should have known this!”

“Babygirl calm down. Why are you getting so mad?” Derek asks.

“I’m not mad! Well, I am, but you guys are not seeing the main point here! We’ve all been treating this poor helpless innocent girl like crap! And she can’t even go to her boss because he hates her!”

“I don’t hate Y/N!” Hotch yells trying to defend himself.

“You kinda do Hotch,” Spencer says, causing Hotch to give him a death wish.

“You guys!! I’m scared of her! She needs us! Her dog died yesterday and her brother's death anniversary is today! She’s hurting and we’re making her get coffee for god sakes!! And speaking of coffee, she’s most likely getting out of her car right now, so everyone acts normal, but not. Now scatter!” Penelope says while urging her hands. And with that everyone was out.

Everyone went back to their offices except for Rossi, he went into Hotch’s office. “Why didn’t you say anything?” Hotch yells at him. “Because that’s something for you to tell everyone. That’s something you tell her Aaron! You’re gonna have to accept the fact that you feel this was sooner or later, and I’m hoping sooner. And when you do, you’re going to have to tell her. And then apologize for all the shit you’ve done to her, and then if she wants, comfort her. And with that, she’s here. So for god sakes tell her.”

“But what if she says the opposite?” Hotch asks while Rossi is halfway out the door.

“You deal with it, and move on,”

“Here you all go!” You say while walking up to them. “One hot chocolate for Spencer. An iced coffee for miss Garcia and Jareau. One pumpkin spice latte for Mr. Clean, and a-” You were cut off by a very mad Emily. “Y/N we need to talk. Privately.” You couldn't tell why she was mad, but she was definitely pissed about something. Honestly everyone was off but you just couldn't tell why.

You both walked into the briefing room and before you could say anything she yelled at you, well not yell, but expressed loudly. “Why!” She asked. You were confused, as anyone would be. “What?” You answered not understanding anything. “Why did you tell everything to Garcia! Am I not good enough for you! Am I not your friend anymore? Because I swear Y/N if that's the case then I don't know why I even came back.Because you what, when i\I came back I thought that you out of everyone would trust me.”

“Oh really! Emily, you left! You were gone! And didn’t even bother to tell me, your best fucking friend!!”

“Okay, you know what Y/N, yes I was gone! But I did for my safety! I did it four all of our safety!”

“Emily, we could have helped you! You didnt have to go halfway around the fucking world!”

“No Y/N you don't understand, and never will!! But you what, all that time that I was in France I couldn't stop thinking about you! About what you were doing! About how you were! And you know what I still feel that way! I want to be with you! You’re my best fucking friend! But you don't tell me SHIT!! WHY!! You're gonna tell Penelope but no me!! Me!! And Penelope out of all people!! Y/N if you’re hurting you should have come to me!! I've been through this!! I am going through this!!”

“Why cant you realize that you can fucking come to me!!! I mean did do something fuking wrong?! Y/N, I'm asking you. “ You didn’t answer, how were you supposed to. You were still taking everything in and honestly none of it made sense. Was she mad, was she concerned. All you could tell was that there were tears running down your face and you didn't know how to stop it. You tried to breathe but you just couldn’t. “Y/N! God, whatever. Just know that you probably hate me right now, but I'll always be there for you.”

And with that she was out. She walked out of the room without looking back, or maybe she did, you just didn't see. This was too complicated for you to understand. Ha, and you were a profiler for god sakes. You wanted to run out but before you could you heard the door open. You didn’t look up because you were too ashamed to face Emily with all the tears running down your face. But suddenly you felt an arm on your shoulder. You turned around to see that shadow of a tall man that glared over you.

“Hotch?” You asked quietly. “Y/N,” he said looking down at you. You still hadn’t faced him in the eye. You couldn't, you were a mess and you couldn't let him of all people see you like this. Although when you think about it, if you like him, shouldn't he see you like this. You being the real, true, authentic Y/N. “Hotch, I, can explain.” You say while snifiling, his hands still on you. “No, let me explain.”

“Ever since the day you came here, I’ve been a terrible friend, boss, and all around human being. I’ve treated you like a child, and you're not one. You’re an exceptional agent and I'm so proud and grateful to have you on my team. And the fact that i keep making your life probably miserable, yeah, ha, im so fucking sorry Y/N. It’s just that, I'm scared. Scared of truly accepting my feelings of you. After Haley, I just can’t risk it. And that means I cant have feelings for you.”

“So, I thought that if I treated you worse then I wouldn't feel for you, but I was wrong. You are an amazing, brilliant, gorgeous woman who I just can't not not. The way you act with Jack just, it just makes me wanna marry you! But I was too scared to tell you. And I regret that everyday. I guess what I am trying to say is that I love you and that I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through.”

Did your boss, Hotch, just say that he loves you. Were you dreaming, was this real? Did you love him back? Of course, I mean you've been pining over him since you came to the BAU, right. He stopped talking for a few seconds, but then he did something unspeakable. He kissed you. And it was in this moment, when you truly realized. You didn’t love Aaron Hotchner. You loved someone else. Have you ever even loved him? You didn’t know. Maybe, the only reason you liked him was because he, well, there was something about him. But we will never know, or at least for now that is.

You pulled away after realizing that you weren’t kissing back. He didn’t seem to notice that small detail. “Hotch, no I can't.” You mutter while looking at him. “What do you mean?” He says confused. “I mean, you can't waltz in here saying that you love me and you’re sorry for the way you treated me and expect everything to be fine. Everything you did, everything you said, all those time and days, yeah they hurt. And you just can't say those 3 words and expect everything to be okay!” You hadn't realized it, but his hands weren't on you anymore, instead they were slowly retracting from you.

“That’s not how this works okay, you really hurt me. And I loved you. If you told me that you had any interest in me in a non-planonical way. I would have said yes. But instead you chose to hurt me and I can’t really forgive you for that.”

“Y/N I… I understand, I'm sorry. I truly am, I hope you can forgive me.” He says while in shock.

“I hope I can too Hotch.” And then suddenly you were out the door. Running down the stairs as if your life depended on it. “Where are you going!” Hotch yelled from the door of the briefing room. “Somewhere over the rainbow!” You said while quickly grabbing your coat from your desk. You realized that she would most likely be getting in her car right now since she wasn't at her desk. So with that knowledge, you sprinted down the stairs since you thought it would be faster, it wasn't.

And look, there she was. Right by her car trying to find the key to unlock it. “Emily!” You yelled while running over to her as fast as your now jelly legs could carry you. “Emily, wait up!!” She heard you this time and looked up to see you running over to her. “Y/N, is everything okay?” She was cut off with a kiss. A soft, tender, sweet kiss, right on the lips. It wasn't too big, but it was big enough. You pulled apart when you realized she wasn't kissing back.

“Y/N I-”

“No, wait, let me. Emily it took me so long to finally understand. Understand that it was you along. You were always there for me when I needed you the most, and I was stupid for not telling you, or realizing. You’re the one who’s opinion I care about the most, not Hotch! You’re the one i wanna see first when i get hurt, not Hotch! You’re the one I wanna see every morning I wake up, not Hotch!! I wanna be with you Em. Because you make me happy like that. You make me wanna be a better person everyday and I need that in my life! I need you in my fucking life Emily! And so I love you! I love you! I fucking love you Emily!”

“Y/N I- what are you saying?”

“I'm saying that I love you! I love you so much! I love you the way Romeo loved Juliet and the way the sun loves the moon!”

“Y/N, I love you too. But not in that way. Um, I'm dating JJ.”

Your heart dropped. You couldn't breathe. All the air was still there, but you couldn't take any of it in without dying. Was this real. For how long? Was it really too late? Why would this happen? Was everything not enough? After everything you had been through, did you really need this. And why did it have to be this? Why couldn't you just be happy for once? Just once!

“Oh,” You say not sure what to say. “That’s um, that's great Em. I’m really happy for you.” And with that, you started heading to the building. “Y/N wait!” She yelled. You just turned around and smiled a half assed smile, but she didn't have to know that. She probably did. How could you have not known. I mean you were a profile for god sakes! That was your job! This is what you do and you can’t even figure shit like this out!

You walked with a moping look and the personality of a dead person. You kept your head down as you dragged your legs up into the BAU. Keeping your head down fearing from someone who might accidentally see your waterfall of tears. You made your way up into the only place where you knew you could go for a hug and comfort. Well, besides the batcave. Rossi’s office. The door was open so you made your way in and immediately shut it causing him to look up in fright.

“Y/N you scared me. Are you okay?” He said while getting up as a reaction of seeing your crying face.

“No Rossi, I'm not.” You say while snifiling. He sat you down on his couch and placed a blanket over you. “What happened my dolce colomba?” The tears started spilling again when you told him everything. You couldn't help but not to. It was impossible. “My sweet sweet child, this looks hard. This is hard. But I want you to always know that I am always gonna be here for you. No matter what. I love you. We all love you.”

“Rossi, what do I do?”

“You just live. Try and see the good in every moment. For instance right now, youre talking with me instead of working on some boring paperwork so think about that. Think about your brother and all the memories you shared. But for now, just live because before you know it all of this will be over and you'll wonder where everything went. So no matter how just live in the moment. Even if it's hard, do it.”

“Living is hard.”

“I know mia dolce colomba, I know. But we do it anyway, It is not like we have a choice. But just alway rember that I will always be here for you. So if you ever wanna go chasing cars, make sure to call me.”

[castiel-barnes]

What?

Pairing: Poe Dameron × Pregnant! Reader (Y/N)

Summary: You get some unexpected news and somehow you have to break it to Poe.

Word count: 3.28k

Warnings: Swear words, mentions of vomiting. Very very soft Poe and BB8.

A/n: I thought I'd stir up the pot on this one, I got a little time to do a little bit of writing so I'm doing this piece. Don't worry i am still trying to think of how im gonna write the Frankie story. I know some of this is probably inaccurate, but I've never given birth so the stuff I've written I've researched.

Tags: @phoenixhalliwell

Your husband Poe was on a little trip off Yavin IV, whilst you were home sorting out a few things like packing away bits and pieces from your recent move. Both Poe and you wanted to come live on his home planet of Yavin, and now that the war was over and you no longer lived in fear and have to relocate every once in a while it was perfect.

You was in the living room arranging the bookshelf, when you had first felt it. The overwhelming feeling of wanting to throw up. Rushing to the refresher you hunched over and started hurling. You was the only one home at the moment, and you was glad cause you didn't want to worry Poe or BB8. Sitting there, you thought to when you had last had a period. Shit. Your due date was past by almost a week. After you cleaned yourself up, you decided that you had to go get a pregnancy test.

Knowing that Poe wasn't back until later that evening, you knew you had time to prepare a little suprise. You had bought a test and now you sat by yourself in the refresher with the test in front of you.

"H-holy shit." You said looking at the test.

It was positive.

You were pregnant.

You both wanted children, that much was true. Poe wanted a little girl and name her after his mother, and you agreed it was a beautiful name after all. However, you didn't think to have them this soon after the war. You wanted to settle down in your home, get to know the planet better before you had children. You had to think of a plan. A plan to tell both Poe and BB8.

Poe and BB8 came home and they were both excited to see you. But the original plan you had went completely out the window. And Poe could pick up on your anxiety.

"Beebs can you leave the room for a moment please. And no eavesdropping, we both know what you're like." Poe said with a slight chuckle, and then he turned his attention to you.

"Baby? What's wrong?" He asked concern etched on his face,

"I-i didn't want to tell you like this, a-and I know that we agreed that we'd do this after we settled down. And that we were going to do it together. B-but you know things happen." You replied rambling with tears dripping down your face. Poe took his hand in yours and sat you down.

"Y/n, honey calm down. What.... what are you trying to say?" He frowned questioning you,

"I'm.... I'm pregnant Poe." You replied letting out a sigh and studying his face. He was still frowning but he had confusion on his face.

"What?" He asked again,

"I'm pregnant. We're gonna have a kid." You replied, this time setting the positive pregnancy test in the palm of his hand. He looked at it, his mouth open in awe and then he looked back up at you. This time you were not the only one with tears. He smiled and incased you in a hug. You felt a few warm tears land on your shoulder, but you knew he was happy. Looking back up at you, he wiped a few of your tears from your cheeks.

"When did you find out?" Poe questioned,

"This afternoon. I was in the living room, when I felt sick and I went to the refresher to throw up. And I was going to suprise you, but I started to panic. I remembered that I was a week late." You responded looking down at the test that was now between the two of you on the sofa.

"We're gonna be fine yeah baby?" Poe said, you nodded,

"We need to tell BB." You stated. Poe held onto your hand kissed you before calling in BB8.

"Hey beebs you can come back now." Poe called out. You were both expecting BB to roll back in the room, but there came no droid.

"Beebs?" Poe called again, but still no response. Sighing, Poe got up and walked out the room looking for BB. A moment later you hear Poe talking to him,

"Droid! What are you doing? Did you fry a chip again? C'mon buddy, stop wondering. Mum and I got something to tell you."

You smiled at Poe calling the two of you mum and dad. Especially now that it was true, and were having a human child. Both of them came into the room and Poe sat down next to you.

"Do you want to tell him darling?" Poe asked you,

"You can tell him baby." You responded.

"Ok uhm.... buddy listen. I think it's about time we give a meaning to BB. yeah?" Poe started and BB8 beeped in response,

"Well Beebs, I think BB should now stand for big brother. How does that sound?" He continued. BB8 let out a short beep,

'Really?'

"Yeah buddy that's right, you're gonna be a big brother." You said laughing, as you both watched BB8 twirling around. He rolled up to you and nudged your leg,

'A little sibling?'

"Yeah beebs a little sibling." You responded smiling and rubbing his belly.

***************

Few weeks later:

It had been a few weeks since you had found out that you were pregnant, and you told both Poe and BB8.

It was early this one morning, and by this time you had been semi acquainted with the feeling of sickness. Not that you enjoyed it. You rushed to the refresher, not wanting to wake Poe up. But you knew he was still a light sleeper, from the shared experience in the resistance. You felt Poe's hand on your back, rubbing it gently in circles.

"I'm here baby, your alright." Poe whispered to you. You leaned back into him after you finished throwing up.

"I hate throwing up." You said nuzzling into his neck,

"I know sweetheart, I know. But its gonna be so fucking worth it." Poe reassured you.

"You getting tired baby?" Poe asked and you nodded. You wiped and rinsed your mouth so you wouldn't have the gross taste, and the next thing you knew Poe was picking you up and carrying you back to bed.

Poe laid you down gently on the bed, and kissed the top of your head.

“Do you want ginger tea?” Poe asked quietly,

“Yes please.” You replied snuggling under the blanket.

A few minutes later Poe came back with a mug of steaming hot ginger tea. Setting the cup down on the bedside table, he walked around the bed and sat back down in the bed. You snuggled into Poe’s side and started to drift off again, but not before you took a few sips of the tea. 

******************************

12 weeks pregnant:

“Poe. Baby wake up, we finally can see our little bean. Poe!” you said swatting him awake. He looked at you with a sleepy smile, and fucking hell you could die for  that smile and his unruly curls. 

“Let’s get breakfast, and then we can finally see our baby Dameron.” Poe replied whilst gently cupping your stomach. 

After the two of you had your breakfast, you both quickly got changed. Down in the medbay, you sat there nervously and started fidgeting. It was going to be the first time either of you had seen your baby.

"Hey, you alright?" Poe asked,

"Yeah I'm a bit nervous but I'm excited." You replied holding Poe's hand. You sat there for a little while longer and then got called into the doctors room.

"Oh fuck that's cold." You exclaimed as the nurse put the cold gel on your tummy. Poe smiled at you, and continued to hold your hand. The next thing you see, is your baby on the monitor.

"Aww sweetheart, look it's our a little baby dameron." Poe said to you. In his eyes you could see a little tear forming, you could tell he was happy and proud. Proud of you. You're literally carrying his kid for 9 months, and you had helped Poe every step of the way as a resistance general. You had also helped him through many nightmares and after he'd come back from various missions injured. Proud of himself. Both of you know that his parents would be proud of the 2 of you, but mostly Poe. They'd be proud of the man he has become. A resistance general. A husband. And now a father.

"Our baby is so small." You let out in a whisper,

"Yeah they are aren't they darling." Poe responded with a smile. A while later, the two of you made it back home. Your cravings hadn't been crazy crazy, but you craved a lot of jogan fruit and blue milk pancakes. So, you decided that you wouldn't go out anymore today, unless it was absolutely necessary. Poe had you snuggled up in his arms and was watching some old holovids, with a bowl of jogan fruit between the two of you.

Looking at the scan of the baby again, tears started to come to your eyes. Pregnancy hormones. You knew you'd get them at some point, but you wasn't sure when. Poe seemed to notice that you had started to cry and immediately comforted you.

"Hey, hey baby what's wrong?" Poe asked quickly grabbing a tissue for you,

"T-they're gonna be so small. Like gonna be smaller than BB8 and- and BB8 is gonna be the best big brother ever." You replied sobbing in his arms.

"Oh Y/N sweetheart, is it hormones?" Poe asked gently holding you to his chest. You nodded and continued to cry. BB8 rolled up to you and let out a confused beep. He didn't understand why you were crying, there was no bad news, nothing bad had happened. Poe just shook his head and the droid rolled away.

"They're gonna be so cute and small. I just know that they're gonna be as smart as their momma. And BB8 is definitely gonna be the best big brother throughout the entire galaxy." Poe continued. He stayed like that with you for a long time, until he couldn't hear you crying anymore. As he looked down, he discovered that you had fell asleep in his arms.

***************************

30 weeks pregnant:

It had been about 10 weeks since you had found out that the two of you were having a little girl. In honour of Poe's mother, you both decided that your little girl was gonna be named after his mother. Shara Bey Dameron.

You had both been in bed for quite a while now. It was about 2 in the morning. However, little Shara had other ideas and wanted to kick you. You had sat up, sitting on the edge of the bed with one hand on your stomach and one supporting you. It had been late, and you didn't want to wake Poe like usual. But knowing him, he wouldn't stay asleep.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, you were half asleep but desperate for actual sleep. Feeling the bed shift behind you, you felt Poe's hand gently on your back.

"Hey, you alright?" Poe asked with a deep sleep filled voice,

"Hmm? Oh.. yeah I'm fine baby, just tired. Shara hasn't stopped kicking for the past hour. And I really need to go toilet." You responded, your voice still hoarse from the lack of sleep you had.

"Do you want me to help you?" Poe asked, already knowing the answer and moving to your side of the bed,

"Please." You said, letting Poe come to you. As he came round to your side of the bed he kneeled down first and placed his hand on your stomach.

"Hey baby girl, can you not kick momma anymore tonight please? She's very tired and I know your excited to exist, but you gotta let her sleep. Okay little one?" Poe whispered softly to Shara. And somehow it seemed to work. You squinted your eyes at him. Was he magical or something. You had tried for the past hour to stop her kicking you and it didn't work.

"How did you do that?" You asked him,

"I don't know, I just told her to stop. C'mon Mrs Dameron, let's get you to the refresher to go toilet. Yeah?" Poe stated.

"Yeah. Thank you Mr Dameron." You replied holding onto him as he helped you up,

"It's not a problem honey, you know that." He said with a smile. The two of you returned to the bedroom and Shara was still calm. Finally you were able to get some proper sleep.

In the morning, Poe had let you sleep in knowing that night you had. With Shara kicking you, and needing to go to the refresher a few times. It was no doubt you needed extra sleep.

A while later you awoke, with Poe still in bed next to you.

"Hey there baby." You said looking at him with a sleepy smile,

"Hey, how you feeling darling?" Poe replied cupping your baby bump with his warm hands.

"Like shit, but it's not long now until we meet our little shara." You responded laying your head on his shoulder. He smiled at you and kissed your forehead.

"I can't wait to meet her. She's going to be so adorable baby." Poe said smiling still cupping the bump. He slid down the bed slowly and placed his head gently on your bump.

"Hey there baby girl, it's papa. How are you today my little one? Are you behaving this morning? You made momma real tired last night baby girl, you need to calm down honey. You're just like your dad, but we expected that didn't we momma?" Poe said talking to the bump and kissing it gently.

"Yeah we did honey." You answered, smiling softly at the sight before you. Shara wasn't even there yet, but Poe was already being a really good father. And husband.

You wouldn’t trade him for the galaxy. He was nice, kind, cute, hot, strong, funny and caring. The first time the two of you had met, he had helped you to fix something on your X-Wing and he asked you to go to drinks afterwards cause he thought you were cute. The two of you had both fallen hard for each other. And even now when you didn't think you could fall anymore for him. You could. The sight before you made your heart burst with love. Just seeing Poe talk to your baby girl, and telling her stories that she wouldn't be able to remember until she was older. It was something you wouldn't have thought would happen all those years ago, when you were by yourself on Tattoine.

*************************

39 weeks pregnant:

Poe was somewhere else in the house at the time. You just got back into the bedroom from the refresher when you felt it. Luckily BB8 was in the room with you. Your water had just broke. It's happening.

"S-shit. POOEE!" You shouted for him, but he couldn't hear you.

"POOEE!" You shouted again, but still nothing,

'Mum?' BB8 beeped confused.

"Beebs go get dad now!! Tell him its happening. Oooooh shit." You replied to him, and then having a contraction.

'Ok.' BB replied to you and rolled away quickly.

BB found Poe and rolled up to him as quick as possible.

"Woah buddy you know the speed limit in the house." Poe said with a chuckle,

'Dad! Shut up! Mum needs you. She said it's happening.' BB let an annoyed and worried beep, wanting to get back to you.

"Shit!" Poe exclaimed running towards the bedroom with droid in tow. Rushing into the room, instantly coming to you.

"Honey why didn't you shout for me?" Poe asked letting you hold onto his hand,

"I did. F-fuck shit. Poee we need to go now." You groaned going through another contraction and squeezing his hand.

"Alright sweetheart, I've got you. I've got your hospital bag. Let's go." Poe replied helping you.

When you finally got to the med Bay, you were half way to being fully dilated. As you laid there in the bed, Poe stayed with you the entire time holding your hand.

"How you feeling honey?" Poe asked stroking your hair back.

"Like crap baby. Ohhh poe go get the nurse, I really want to push oohh shit." You replied throwing your head back at the intensifying pain, that you could feel even though you had been given medication.

"O-ok baby I'll be right back." Poe said rushing out the room to find a nurse. Not a minute later, he came back with some nurses and went back to holding your hand.

"Start pushing Y/n." The nurse told you, and you started to push.

"AHHHH f-fuck. Poe I can't do it. Ahhh!" You said panting and yelling in pain,

"Yes you can sweetie. You're so strong Y/N/N, come on darling just a few more pushes and we'll get to make our baby girl." Poe replied, stroking your hair back and letting you squeeze his hand as possible.

"Ahhhh fucking kriffing fuck!" You yelled with a final push. The next thing you heard was your baby cries filling the room. Looking over you see the nurses cleaning Shara and then passing her to you.

"Oh my god. Hey baby girl. Hi." You said to Shara who was laying on your chest with you crying. Looking over at Poe you saw his eyes streaming with tears and a huge smile on his face.

"Honey, look at her she's so beautiful." You said still tearful,

"She's so beautiful just like her momma." Poe replied with a crack in his voice.

"Do you wanna hold your daughter baby?" You asked looking at him. He looked at you with a look that made your heart burst again. He nodded and stood up so he could pick Shara up.

Poe took Shara from you so gently and cradled her in his arms. Shara was so tiny compared to him, and there he stood with his daughter barely an hour old.

"Hey my little girl. You're so cute, aww that's a big yawn. Look at you, you're so beautiful and your our little rebel." Poe cooed.

He walked over to you after walking around the room with Shara, and sat down gently on the bed next to you. Poe held Shara in one arm and you in the other.

"You done so well honey. I'm so proud of you." Poe said kissing the top of your head,

"Thank you baby. I couldn't have done it without you. I can't wait for beebs to meet his little sister." You replied leaning into his touch.

"I can't wait either baby. Get some rest okay? You just pushed out a whole ass human, you deserve some sleep." Poe stated looking at you already starting to drift off. You hummed in response and fell asleep, whilst Poe stayed there and held Shara.

*********************************

A while later:

You and your family had finally made it home. Poe had carried Shara in her seat, and you followed suite with your hospital bag.

"Hey beebs we're home!" You stated and as soon as you did, the little droid came rolling in all excited.

"Hey buddy, you gotta be quiet okay? Your little sister is sleeping." Poe said to BB8,

'Okay' BB beeped quietly.

Poe sat the baby chair down and knelt down next to it. Gently, he got Shara out and showed her to BB8.

'Is she really my little sister?' BB beeped quietly, observing the very small human being in her dad's arms,

"Yeah buddy, she is." You replied walking over to the three of them. What happened next made your heart swell to the size of the sun. And made Poe almost cry. Very carefully, BB8 moved his head forwards and placed it ever so lightly on Shara's.

'I love you.' BB beeped.

"Aww buddy." Poe said with a crack in his voice.

From that moment on, BB had stayed in Shara's nursery every night and every day she stayed in there for a nap. You couldn't ask for a better family. It was just you, Poe, BB8 and Shara. And that's all that you needed.

[samthemarvelfan]

Goodbyes: Chapter Six

Summary: Ella Monroe is the Avengers newest recruit, handpicked by Steve Rogers himself. Indebted to him for reasons unknown, Cap pairs her up with Bucky Barnes. He is tasked with training her to relearn and hone the skills that have long since rusted. Bucky is cold and distant, and Ella can’t seem to break through the wall he’s built up for decades. He sees something in her though, and it scares him to death. Has the fate of these two strangers been sealed? …or will they always be longing…

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC, feat Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson

Warnings: DARKER THEMES AHEAD. Angst, Bucky is a dick, mutual pining, self sabotage, male-on-female violence, description of injuries, PTSD, mentions of medical talk? Sloooooow burn ahead. Fluff!

A/N: guys guys GUYS! Get ready for a lil fluff! The balls gonna get rollin’ and its a non-stop ride now. I hope you all enjoy, any and all feedback is appreciated! <3 Happy Valentine’s Day!

Taglist: @iheartsebastianstan @jjlizz @stuckysbabe @sk493494 @lefoutoir @nickangel13 @marvelismysafezone @lilulo-12 (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry!)

Ow. That’s the only thought going through your head. Your eyes open and judging by the IV’s in your arm, you’re in a hospital. The events that landed you here start flooding your mind. You remember the HYDRA base, the agents, and the pain, but where is everyone? Where’s Steve? Sam? Where’s Bucky?

You sigh, Bucky.

He’d been so mad at you for ignoring him...a commanding officer. You’re in a huge amount of trouble—no doubt about that. You decide now isn’t the time to think about that, after all you were just shot.

You wanted to know if you’d dreamt him carrying you into the jet. If it was all just delirium from blood loss when you thought he was caring for you, assuring you that you’d be okay. You wanted to see him. Hell you needed too.

“Shit...” you seethe. Your right arm is in a sling and your shoulder is bandaged tightly. You scoot attempting to shimmy your body up so you could sit up some more. The sound of the door opening caught your attention, and when you saw him walk in you almost fainted.

Sergeant Barnes entered your hospital room, two water bottles in hand, dressed in black sweats with a tight, black cotton shirt. He’s being quiet as to not wake you. When he realizes you’re up he freezes, though. Unsure if he should be there at all.

“Hey...” you practically whisper. He says nothing, but takes this as an approval of his presence. There’s a chair next to your bed... right next to your bed. So close that the arm of the chair is indenting the side of mattress. Bucky grips the chair and moves it out from the bed a foot or two, then sits in it.

“Where am I?” You ask him quietly. It is then you notice that his jacket had been hanging on the chair he moved from your bed. Had he been here while you were asleep?

He opens the top of one of the water bottles, and hands it to you. “You’re at the compound. This is the med unit.” He speaks softly.

You take a sip of the cold water, relishing the hydration it gives your body. “I didn’t even know we had a medical unit on-site.” You say in an attempt to make conversation.

He stops to lock his gaze on yours. “And you wouldn’t have, had you just listened to me last night.” He sounds annoyed with you already, but also worried.

“Sam was in trouble. Steve didn’t respond to his distress call and neither did you, I did what I thought needed to be done.” To you it was simple. Your friend was in trouble, and you helped him.

“You defied a direct order, Ella.” There he goes, using your name again. “There could be serious consequences to that. If I wanted to, I could have you dismissed from the Cadet program all together.” His tone was serious but he wasn’t threatening you, he was just stating a fact.

You cleared your throat, before looking at him and fiddling with the head of your shirt. “Is that what you want?” You ask.

Why wouldn’t that be what he wants? He makes it pretty clear you’re a huge thorn in his side, and he doesn’t enjoy your company. This is an easy out for him, get rid of you and ease his work load in the process.

He smiled softly to himself. Smiled? Was that a smile on those perfect lips?

“No,” he said softly. “I just—“ 

Bucky was cut off by a tap at the door, causing him to stand quickly and move away from you even more.

“Knock-Knock...” You knew that voice. “Hey Ella, how are you doing?” Steve asks, sitting at the edge of your hospital bed.

You smile at him, unsure of what you’ve done in your life to deserve such a good friend. “I’m okay I promise. I’m just so sorry for all the trouble I caused.” You glance to Bucky, who’s gaze seemed to be locked on your shoulder.

“Can we get you anything?” Steve asks sincerely.

You shake your head, “I’m okay. I swear, I’m not looking forward to the scar this is gonna leave, but at least Sam is okay.”

Sergeant Barnes’ demeanor changed suddenly. You felt the tension in the room build and you didn’t like it. Why does he do this when other people are around?

“Sergeant Barnes,” you call to him, when his eyes meet yours you feel you heart do back-flips. How can someone be so gentle one moment and so cruel the next?

“Thank you for staying with me, and for helping me last night. I don’t know what would have happened had it not been for—“

He interrupts you, “Get this straight, Cadet. Out there—that’s the real world. The threats were dealing with are real,”

His eyes shift between yourself and Steve, who is looking at his friend with disappointment.

“The consequences are too. You get hurt, or worse...” Bucky’s jaw clenched. “The shit storm comes down on me, and people wonder why I put up with a recruit who can’t follow a simple instruction in the first place.”

Your heart falls into your stomach. “All I can do is apologize, Sergeant.” What else can you say? He clearly doesn’t wanna hear excuses, so there’s no point in trying to defend yourself.

“Despite all that,” Steve starts, “You did great out there. I don’t know if Sam,” He looks to Bucky, “or any of us would be here if you didn’t take the initiative.”

A small smile creeps across your lips, “Thanks, Cap.” The wound in your shoulder starts to throb from your elevated blood pressure. You grit your teeth, adjusting yourself on the cot.

“You’re sure you don’t need anything?” Steve asked, guilt painting his word. He rested his hand on yours, earning a stern glare from Bucky. You watch him subtly out of you peripherals, his jaw was clenched as was his metal fist.

You close your eyes momentarily, wrestling with the pain you feel in your shoulder.

“I’m alright. I just need...time.”

Bucky scoffed. “Time? You need to learn to listen to orders.”

“Buck—“ Steve started, removing his hand from yours.

He continued, “You wouldn’t be in a hospital if you could follow a simple command. You risked everyone’s safety because you’re too stubborn to do as you’re told.”

My eyes narrowed at Sergeant Barnes. Why does he do this? He treats you so differently when Steve is around, and you’re about fed the-fuck up.

“Ya know what? You’re absolutely right.” You say firmly, attempting to stand from the bed.

“Ella, just relax. He didn’t mean—“ Steve interjected.

“No Cap, I know exactly what he means.” You got to your feet; pride being the only thing hiding the pain from your face.

“Sergeant Barnes has made it very clear from the beginning what he thinks of me. What was it you said a few weeks back? Oh right, that I’m incompetent, I’m lazy, and I’m spoiled. I’m a rookie who would run from a fight the minute it started.”

Steve’s thumb and forefinger pinched the bridge of his nose, before looking at his friend. He subtly shook is head at Bucky, who kept his eyes locked on you, jaw tightly clenched.

“Guess what Sarge,” you say with disdain, gesturing to your shoulder. “I didn’t run did I?”

Bucky doesn’t speak, and his gaze on you is unyielding. “From now, keep your two-faced ass away from me.” You felt that all too familiar sting prick your eyes as you rip the IV from your arm. “You don’t know a God damn thing about me, Barnes.”

You pushed by them both, finally allowing the hot tears to stain your face as you head for your room.

“Mother...fucker...” You groan. You’re attempting to change your bandages, but unable to get it wrapped fully around your shoulder. Even with a mirror, it was impossible to do using your opposite hand.

You almost had it when a knock at the door made you jump. “Shit! Yeah, what is it?” You call, looking to the door.

The door opened slowly, revealing a casually dressed Bucky on the other side of it. You turned your back immediately, tending to your bandages again.

“What do you want?” You sneer.

He was quiet for a few seconds. You almost didn’t think he was going to say anything, until that familiar, irritated sigh passed through his lips.

“Christ, let me help you.” He said taking a few steps into your room.

You groaned. “I do not need your help.”

He scoffed. “Fine. Wrap your bandages poorly and get that wound infected.” He knew you wouldn’t protest, and shut your bedroom door.

You sigh, rolling your eyes so hard you thought they’d get stuck. You stood from the seat you had taken at your desk, walking up to him with as much attitude as you could muster and shove the gauze into Bucky’s chest. The force doesn’t move him an inch. “Just hurry up.” You command.

He unrolls the gauze, ripping it with his teeth when he deems it long enough. Bucky looks at the half-assed job you did on yourself and let’s out a chuckle.

“What is so damn funny?” You ask, annoyed to your core.

“Nothing, I just think it’s ridiculous you’d risk losing an arm for the sake of your pride.” He jested.

“What, not something you’d recommend?” You joke, nodding to his metal appendage.

He lets out a breath of laughter, “Not exactly, no.”

Bucky undoes you’re bandages, watching the pain form on your face as he moves over the open wound.

“Shit...” you intake a sharp breath of air causing him to pause. He watches you grip the edge of the table so hard, your knuckles go white.

He softly grips the spot above your elbow. “Just...take a deep breath. I’ll move as fast as I can.“ Bucky’s voice coaxes the tension from your muscles, and you relax.

Doing as he says, you inhale deeply through your nose and out through your mouth. Bucky attempts works quickly, seeing the discomfort in your face. The rough tips of his fingers cause chills to go through your body. He notices, and you hear him swallow hard.

The skin he passes over is burning, calling out for him to touch you again. You feel his warm breath on your neck, as you shudder. His body heat keeping your muscles relaxed.

“Almost done. Keep breathing.” He whispers in your ear. The smoothness in his voice coats your eardrum like honey, sending your body into a hypnotic buzz.

When he finishes he places his right hand on your bicep. His thumb stroking the smooth skin of your arm a few times. “All set, Els.” He speaks, using his nickname for you again.

You spin around to see he’s mere inches from you. “That um, that’s perfect.” You whisper. Your eyes flicker over his lips, and his do the same to yours. 

He’s so handsome. You think, Ya know, when he’s not being a total dick.

He stands to his feet quickly, breaking the intimate trance you shared. He disposed of the used bandages, and you realize that you indeed needed more help than you were willing to admit.

“Thank you.” You mumble in his general direction. You hated this, how you wanted to forgive him for all the horrible things he said to you and about you.

“You’re welcome.” He says softly.

Another moment of silence passes between you two. This is the Bucky you wanted all the time. This Bucky was kind and gentle and actually cared about you, or at least he made it seem like he did.

“So why did you come here? To my room? The last time you were here, you made it clear you didn’t wanna see me again.” You ask.

“That’s not true.” He said quickly defending himself. “You left the med unit before you were suppose to, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Well as you can see, I’m fine.” You retort.

He looks at the ground for a moment. “I’m glad.”

You nod, as a sigh escapes your lips. The way he affects you isn’t insignificant. It means something, at least to you.

“Bucky, what are we doing?” You ask softly.

He doesn’t protest as you use his name, but rather looks at you confused. “What do you mean?”

You stand with a scoff, “This! I mean here you are, in my room...again. We’re alone and it’s private and it’s intimate so you’re being,” he steps closer as you fumble over your words, “I don’t know, you’re being the guy I wish you were all the time. When we get around people and it’s like you can’t stand the sight of me.”

He takes a step towards you again.

“I wanna know where I stand with you.” You say shyly.

He swallows hard, “This is the second time you’ve been hurt on my watch.” His face was pained as he looked at your wound.

You reach out for his hand instinctively, trying to show him that it’s not his fault. When your hand grasps his, he gently pulls you into him, playing with your fingers for a moment.

“I don’t know how to stay away from you. I’m trying, Doll. Really I am. Every time you’re around me you’re in danger and this,” he gestured to you shoulder, “This just proves it.”

He’s holding your hand with both of his now, “I want to keep you safe.”

“I’m okay, Bucky. I promise.” Is all you can say.

A breath of laughter leaves his lips, “You’re always okay, aren’t you?”

You smile, and nod. “I am...but I’m better when you’re around. Like this,—this feels...”

Bucky held you closer, encroaching your small frame with his. He’s mere inches from you now.

“It feels right, Buck.” You say, look up at him through your lashes.

He drops your hands gently, and cups your cheek with his right, holding your waist with his cool left one.

He swallows hard as he presses his forehead to yours, “I know it does, Doll. I know.”

You’re gripping his arms as he holds you. His eyes closed, breathing deeply. 

“What are you doing to me, Ella?” He whispered so low, if he wasn’t holding you, you wouldn’t have heard it.

A small smile graced your lips, “I could ask you the same thing, Sarge.”

Bucky holds you like that for a moment or two, before he gently lets you go and takes a step backward. He ran his hands over his face and through his hair.

He sighed thoughtfully, “Don’t think because you’re injured it excuses you from training. You may not be able to do hand to hand combat, but we will train your non-dominant arm to do everything your dominant one can.”

Ah, there he is. Reminding you once again that he is your commanding officer and you are his...burden.

Despite his words, a smile graced your face. “Y-you’re training me?”

He nods, and you notice the corners of his mouth turn up. “Yes. At least that way I’ll be able to keep an eye on you, and try and get some of Sam’s sloppy habits outta your head.”

“What time?” You ask happily.

He looks at you. His cerulean eyes mapping your shoulder up to your face. He reaches out and strokes your cheek with a smile, “7 A.M. Not a minute later.”

You stand from the edge of your bed, “Sir yes Sir.”

“Goodnight, Els.” He whispered.

You smiled softly, “G’night, Buck.”

That night, you had the best sleep you’ve had since being here.

...and so did Bucky.

Chapter Seven: Left