#i swear I'm gonna have a stroke from the stress of living in this house | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

outerbankies · 3 years ago

Text

new light blurb: fine line — rafe cameron

new light series masterlist

summary: jaded by his relationship with his own father, rafe’s doing everything he can to stay in the good graces of your parents.

warnings: alcohol, swearing, angst

a/n: aka rafe being dumb! and some clues for what's next (which i'm very very very excited about)

“Baby I swear, it’s like my grandpa waltzed into a fraternity house in Chapel Hill and just, started handing out jobs,” you groan, frustratedly shoving the fortune cookie wrapper into Rafe’s hand so he can rip it open for you. “They do their work, but fuck.”

Rafe unwraps the cookie from the plastic easily, handing it back to you after with a hard glare in his eyes. “Are they still giving you a hard time?”

“I’m a girl. In charge of four boys, of course they are,” you say, rolling your eyes before cracking the cookie open.

“They know who your grandfather is though, right?”

“Maybe, m’not entirely sure,” you sigh. “I think that might just make it worse, honestly.”

“They’re not like… this is kind of bothering me now, Y/n/n,” he says, his eyebrows fully furrowed by this point. “I don’t like the idea of a bunch of idiot 19-year-olds stressing you out at your job just because you’re a girl—no, a woman—who’s their superior.”

“Rafe,” you say, sitting up a little straighter, where you’re perched on his desk across from him. “It’s not… like that.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, they’re fine. I only go into the mainland office once in a blue moon anyways, and like I said they get their shit done. Plus, I’m used to taking care of little boys, remember? Used to do it for a living,” you joke, attempting to lighten the mood as you pick up on your boyfriend’s discontent. But Rafe doesn’t relax yet, still staring at you seriously.

“You’re sure?” he repeats, slower.

“Positive. They’re just… rambunctious,” you shrug.

“Okay, cause I’ll come in there and—"

“Oh, that would help,” you laugh.

“Plus, I don’t exactly hate the idea of them knowing you have a boyfriend. Do they know?” Rafe asks.

You roll your eyes again as you eat the first half of the cookie, holding out the second for him. “Baby, I’m not going to leave you for an intern.”

“I mean, I know for a fact you’re very into frat boys,” Rafe says.

“Was,” you correct.

“Was?”

“You’re not in one anymore. And you’re also the only one I ever dated,” you explain, leaning forward and wiping some fortune cookie crumbs off of his work tie. “Broke my rule just for you.”

“I know as someone who never rushed you don’t get this, but a fraternity is for life, Y/n/n,” he says, looking far too serious.

“Okay. Now you sound like one of my interns,” you laugh, shaking your head. Your eye catches the framed photo of you and Rafe that he has sitting on his desk at work, something happy settling into your belly as he catches you staring, shrugging while he twists in his desk chair.

“I’d intern for you any day baby,” Rafe teases. “Keep an eye on you. Make sure you don’t leave me for a 19-year-old.”

“Too young for me. You know I like ‘em old,” you tease.

“I am… literally six months older than you.”

“Born in different years, you’re practically a generation above me.”

“Shut up,” Rafe grunts, flicking your knee. He tilts his head to the spread of Chinese food on his desk that you’d shown up at his office with, unannounced, half an hour ago. “What’s all this then? I thought you wanted to go out for dinner tonight.”

Your lips downturn and Rafe sighs. “I did.”

“But you can’t?” he asks, already knowing the answer.

“I still need to wrap up some stuff for Agnes when I go back home,” you say, pouting. “The foundation took longer than I expected today.”

“You’re not gonna be up late again, are you?” Rafe wonders, leaning forward and stroking a thumb over your knee. Your silence gives him his answer. “Y/n/n. How late? This is, like, the third night in a row.”

Your heart twists a little at the way he’s been keeping track, the light scolding tone he’s taken on—the one he usually does when he comes home from drinks with Topper or dinner with his dad, only to see you still at your desk where he left you hours ago, a fresh cup of coffee poured even though it’s dark outside. Or when he stumbles into the kitchen first thing in the morning to see you in the same spot, looking like you’ve been up for hours, getting a head start on another busy day.

“I know. Not that late, she just wanted me to do a few things,” you say. You hang your head to the side when he levels you with an unimpressed look. “I’m serious!”

“Can I get you in bed by ten?”

“What about eleven?”

“10:30,” Rafe counters.

“10:45?” you try, mentally listing all of the things you need to do when you get home today.

“Fine. But no more coffee, I’m guessing you’ve had no less than two today,” Rafe says knowingly. He taps the side of your thigh twice. “Get going so you can start, I’ll meet you at home in an hour.”

“See you,” you say, hopping off of his desk and leaning down for a kiss, turning around to start cleaning up the trash from the takeout you brought. You squeak when a hand comes down on your ass, turning around to smile at the grinning culprit.

“I’ll take care of this. Go,” Rafe demands. “10:45.”

—

A few days later, Rafe comes home to the welcome sight of your computer turned off for the day and your desk chair empty, smiling while he toes off his shoes. He’d been worried about your work habits for a while��honestly, since he first dated you.

He can’t count how many times he’d wake up for class on the east coast, texting you good morning as he always did, horrified at your immediate reply signaling you hadn’t gone to sleep that night yet.

You’d always been like that, even in high school. And it worried him then, even when he was just your friend. But now, he felt a sense of responsibility to make sure you were taking care of yourself (and that he was taking care of you). Taking on two different jobs had been fine for you at first, from what Rafe could see. He was no stranger to being overworked, but living with you showed him that you took that to an entirely new level. Rafe was beginning to think something had to give.

“Baby?” he calls, hearing your music coming from down the hall. “Where are you?”

“In here!”

“There she is,” he practically sighs, appearing in the doorway. He catches your eye in the mirror, immediately pushing off of the door jam to mold his body around yours. “Hi, pretty girl. What’s tonight again?”

“Hi.” You smile when he kisses the top of your head, his hand squeezing one of your shoulders. He tries to leave you then, but you twist around, tugging him down by the blue tie you’d picked for him that morning for a proper kiss. “Gretchen’s in town, remember?”

“Tell her I said hi. How was work?” he asks, still smiling as he stands before you while you make quick work of his tie. “You’re off early today.”

You just give him a look. “Work was work.”

“Oh no,” he says. “Agnes or the foundation?”

You leave his tie hanging around his neck and turn back toward your mirror, checking the damage of his kiss on your lip gloss. “It’s those stupid interns.”

Rafe stops immediately, his hand freezing where he’d been unbuttoning his shirt in the doorway. “Uh oh.”

“Yeah.”

“What’d they get up to now?” he says, leaving the bathroom to walk toward the closet and go about his after-work routine. Change his clothes, switch out his watch, plug in his phone. You recount everything you dealt with that day while he does, Rafe coming to stand in the doorway again once he’s re-dressed.

“It just sucks, if it were any other job I’d go talk to my supervisor about it but. I dunno, feels sort of weird when it’s family,” you sigh.

“Tell me about it,” Rafe says, yawning.

“I’m sorry,” you say, immediately twisting around again. “I’m sure you put up with way more than I do. How was your day?”

“Babe, don’t do that,” Rafe chides.

“Do what?”

“I always wanna hear about your shitty day, yeah? Even if mine sucked, too,” he tells you. “Actually, especially if mine sucked.”

You set your makeup brush down, turning to look at him again, tugging him into your arms so you’re pressed together in your tiny bathroom. “Was it that bad?”

“No, fine actually,” he says, melting into you anyways, face tucked into where he can tell you just sprayed perfume in your neck. “Dad was out of office today.”

“Ah, that’s lucky,” you say, running a hand over his hair.

“You could talk to your mom about it, couldn’t you? M’sure she could talk about it with your grandfather,” Rafe wonders.

“She doesn’t even think I should be working there,” you tell him, pulling out of his embrace.

Rafe furrows his eyebrows, catching the way your eyes fall before you turn back to the mirror. “What? Why?”

You sigh, setting your mascara back on the counter and bracing your hands on the tile instead. “She doesn’t think I should be working. At all.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Rafe bites his lip, clearing his throat. “Hey. You know I’d take care of you, right?”

You groan, looking back into the mirror, checking for the need for any last-minute touches. “Do not let her hear you say that, I swear to god.”

“No, Y/n/n. M’serious. If you don’t wanna work there anymore, we’d be fine,” Rafe says, catching your eye in the mirror again, his cheeks burning red.

“I… I know that Rafe,” you say in confusion, your eyebrows pinched together. “I am aware of my own financial situation.”

“Okay, ‘cause, like. I dunno,” he says, fiddling with one of his rings. “What does your dad think?”

You turn back around, stopping to look at his face before you flick the light in the bathroom off. “My dad?”

“Yeah,” Rafe continues, following you out of the room to your jewelry dish on top of the dresser. “Like... he knows that I’m not making you work, right?”

The ring you were holding clatters back into the dish loudly, silence falling over the two of you as you slowly turn to look at him again. Rafe doesn’t recognize the look in your eyes, and he hadn’t been expecting it all. “Making me work?”

“Yeah, baby. I mean—"

“Why are you worried about what my dad thinks?” you ask.

“I want him to think I’m taking care of you.”

“But you are, Rafe,” you say again, sounding even more confused, looking even more uneasy. “You take great care of me. You love me.”

“I know. I do love you. I love taking care of you. But I mean…” Rafe sighs, still twisting his middle finger ring with his thumb. “If you’re stressed at work and your parents don’t even want you working… I don’t want them thinking I’m this, like, bum who’s making their daughter contribute—”

“You’re not making me do anything, Rafe. Ever,” you say. “You don’t have that ability.”

“Okay,” Rafe says, starting to panic. “I understand that. I’m not saying I am, I’m saying I don’t want your parents thinking—”

“And what about what I think?”

Rafe balks at you. “What?”

Your shoulders shake as you heave a deep sigh, blinking your eyes rapidly, turning around to finish with your ring selection. You finally face him again after a while, your eyes full of unshed tears. “How do you think I feel?”

“Y/n, I… I know how you feel,” Rafe says dumbly. How could he not know? He’s watched you through it all—watched you stress over the phone calls and the deadlines, watched the circles under your eyes grow darker, the sleep you get every night shorter. “You’re overworking yourself, you hardly sleep—”

“No, you don’t know how I feel, Rafe. You don’t. Or you wouldn’t have said that to me just now,” you say, your voice shaking. “I work two different jobs, I manage my own trust, I know where all of my money comes from and I know where all of it goes. I pay half of the fucking rent and bills on this place, and I get to help my grandfather out, and pursue my career with Agnes that I’ve been working toward for years.”

“I know that, Y/n. I know all of that,” Rafe says, hands reaching out helplessly because he knows he needs to keep his distance when all he wants to do is touch your face. Make you understand he’s just worried about you, just wants you to feel loved, and wants your parents to like him—really like him. “I’m not saying—”

“I have all of that,” you continue. “But my mom still doesn’t even think I should be working at all. And apparently, you and my dad are just, deciding whose burden I am now, behind my back—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Y/l/n,” Rafe interrupts, moving toward you. But you turn away from him and walk out of the bedroom, in search of your purse and your shoes, with Rafe hot on your heels down the hallway. “What? That’s not true. Your dad thinks so highly of you.”

“Yeah, well,” you laugh, but it’s bitter and it doesn’t reach your eyes when you turn to look at him in the entryway. “It’s kind of hard to fuck up when the expectations for you are already so low.”

“Sweetheart, what—what are you talking about? What is happening right now?” Rafe runs a hand over his freshly shorn hair, feeling like he should be tugging on the ends. “I don’t even—”

“We’re not talking about anything. Gretchen and Margot are out front,” you reply quietly, checking your phone.

“No, what? Don’t leave right now,” he says, panicked. “Can we talk about this?”

“So you want me to quit my job and cancel my plans for you? Is that where we’re at right now?”

Rafe feels himself recoil at that, one of his hands falling to his chest. “Baby, I would never… you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Do I?” you ask.

“Y/n.”

“I seriously can’t believe you right now,” you say flatly, throwing the front door open and slamming it shut before he can follow you.

—

The house is quiet when you get home, but the lights are still on in the living room and in the kitchen. You’d almost wished they weren’t, preferring to have this inevitable conversation under the covers with your boyfriend, the comfort of shared body heat, and the flannel sheet set that you pulled out for the winter hopefully enough to ease some tension. You hated the way you left things, hated it even more when you spilled everything that had just happened to your two best friends over the second glass of white wine.

“Men are gross,” Margot said, wrinkling her nose. “But I can’t believe Rafe would say that.”

“It’s not like he meant it like that,” Gretchen said, eyes widening as the two of you regarded her incredulously. “What? This is Rafe we’re talking about! He’s probably just worried about you and it came out wrong. He’d never actually ask you to do something like that. Not after everything.”

“He doesn’t know everything,” you admitted, your finger circling the rim of the glass you’d been nursing for over an hour. “I never told him about that summer.”

“Okay, yikes,” Margot had said, throwing the rest of her glass back, before directing the conversation elsewhere for the rest of the night.

Of course, Rafe had waited up for you, you expected that—you knew Rafe wouldn’t let this go before slipping into bed for the night. That wasn’t his style at all, and it was usually better that way.

Rafe knew you inside and out, but he didn’t know everything about the boys who came before him. He couldn’t possibly know all of the thoughts planted in your head by your parents at a young age—he didn’t know that you were older than Dylan but still expected far less from.

Because Rafe had never acted like those boys, and had never acted like what your parents thought of you had any influence on his own view of you—not until tonight. The way Rafe treated you had never stirred up your deepest insecurities about what you were capable of, what you could do or be, what people expected of you. Not until tonight.

He’s standing in the living room when you enter, his back facing you. But he’s beholding a new addition to the room—the bookshelf he’d spent the past few months building for you. Your bookshelf that he built for you in the garage of the first place you’ve ever shared with each other.

You steel yourself one last time before clearing your throat, making your presence in the room known. “It’s finished?”

He turns to look at you, the circles dark under his own eyes, the old t-shirt he’s donning hanging slightly askew on his shoulders.

“Yeah, yeah,” he says softly. “I uh… finished it yesterday, actually. John B just came by to help me move it in here. Heavier than I thought it’d be.”

You slowly walk to stand beside him, taking it in from beside him. Rafe was right about how it’d turn out; it looked exactly as you pictured it would. It looked better than the one on the website had, but you knew that was partially a sign of his craftsmanship and partially a result of your love for him doing something like this for you. “I was gonna put your books on there, but I didn’t know what kind of order you wanted. I know you were thinking of doing it by color after you saw that one author you follow on Twitter do it.”

“Yeah,” you nod, not mustering a smile even though you want to. “I don’t think I could stand it, in the end. All of the books being out of alphabetical order like that.”

Rafe sets the stack he’d been holding—you just barely notice—down on one of the middle shelves. “Right. Well, I can help with that, too. But—”

“No, I wanna talk.”

“Me too,” he breathes, turning to you. “Y/n, I—”

“I said I wanted to talk, Rafe. I want you to listen,” you say firmly, turning away from his outstretched arm.

He agrees easily, muttering an ‘okay’ before taking his seat a respectable distance from you on the couch.

“You know how when you met my mom, and she loved you immediately?”

Rafe seems thrown off by the random throwback to the beginning of your relationship, head tilted to the side in confusion for a second. You knew if he was really going to understand this, you’d have to take it back that far—walk him through everything that led up to this. Well, almost everything. “Yeah?”

“You’re a charmer Rafe, and she loves you for you now—I think. I don’t see how she couldn’t but…” you shake your head, clearing your thoughts before you get too caught up in them. “It wasn’t just because you pulled out her chair, or held the door for her.”

Rafe furrows his eyebrows, showing you he’s still not following. “Okay. So why did she?”

“It was because she was probably thinking ‘thank god, my daughter finally found someone suitable to marry.’”

His eyebrows shoot into his hairline, baby blues blown wide. “Marry? Y/n, we had been dating for like, a month at that point—”

“Yeah, Rafe, I know,” you sigh, exasperated even if it isn’t fair to be. There were things you’d never understand about his family, and that went both ways. “But that’s how it is. That’s how it always has been with her, with both of my parents. They never cared what I studied, what I wanted to do with my life, or where I went to college—not after I turned down my dad’s alma mater to go to California instead. It was always about finding some guy that did all of that for me.”

“Oh,” Rafe breathes.

“So when she met you…”

“It was exactly what she wanted,” he says, catching up.

“Exactly.”

Rafe rubs a hand over the scruff on his chin, the sound slightly scratchy. “But they still must be so proud of you, I mean—with everything you did anyway, right?”

“Please,” you shake your head. “I did grunt work for Agnes for years before she even took me seriously in her actual field, but I saw it through. My parents told me it was a waste of time the second I was hired—when it was the best job I ever had. But in their eyes, at least I was learning how to raise kids, right?”

“Y/n,” he chides.

“Rafe, I’m not immune to our situations and how we grew up—all of the shit that comes with that, especially now that we live back here. I’ve dealt with people expecting nothing from me my entire life, and I can handle it,” you explain, your throat tightening. Rafe’s hand slips to your thigh on instinct and you let it. “I can handle that from anyone but you.”

Rafe stays silent, shifting closer to you and bringing you under his arm.

“I can’t choose my parents or the rest of my family, but I choose you Rafe, I love you but I choose to do life with you Rafe,” you say, looking up at him. “I choose you every day, and I don’t want to choose a guy that doesn’t believe in me just like everyone else—who just expects me to become some Figure 8 trophy wife, whether they’d stick around for that or not. I’ve dated guys like that before, and I’m not—”

“Come here,” Rafe says immediately, bringing you closer to his body, your sides allowing no space in between you. “I’m sorry that I made you think I don’t believe in you. Because I do, baby. I thought you knew that—I always have.”

“I thought I did too,” you accuse, your head hidden in his chest anyways. “I mean—what the fuck, Rafe?”

“I’d never expect you to just—it isn’t the ‘60s, Y/n/n. I’m not an idiot, I just—” he cuts himself off with a sigh. “Fuck, I don’t know what else to say right now. I’m sorry.”

“I think I just wanna go to bed,” you decide, feeling like you’ve said your piece. “Can we do that?”

“You don’t… yeah,” Rafe says, shaking his head. “Yeah. We can do that.”

—

Rafe doesn’t feel any better after you both sleep on it—after you slept on it. The dark circles under Rafe’s eyes nearly matched your own by the next morning, the only rest he got for the night coming when you sleepily rolled over and into his side, tucking yourself close and willing some of the worries out of his mind.

But it was only temporary. He stumbled through work with clouded thoughts of your words weighing on his mind and his heart. Not only about what you said, but about how you said it; how quickly you’d ended the conversation and wanted to move on from everything like you were over it—when he knew you weren’t.

You’d been plagued by thoughts like this your entire life, and Rafe had unknowingly joined the chorus. The sheer familiarity you must have with the people that you love counting you out in life must be why you let Rafe off so easily—like you expected nothing less from him, too. But you were so much more than that. Rafe knew it, and he needed you to know it, too.

He thinks about what he’s going to say the entire day, debates texting John B, and then ultimately decides against it (he only needs to be laughed at in the face and told he’s a ‘complete fucking tool’ by his little sister’s boyfriend once within a 24-hour period, after all), and even the entire car ride home. Whatever speech he’d had prepared dies in his throat when he comes home to you still at your desk as you always are, turning to smile at him when you see him come in. “Hey.”

“Hi,” he says, dropping his briefcase before crossing the room to you. “Can I sit with you for a bit?”

“Yeah,” you agree. “M’almost done for the day.”

“Good,” Rafe says, bending down to tap your hip, signaling you to stand up for a second. You do so while you continue typing, letting Rafe slip into your chair before pulling you back into his lap. “This okay?”

“Yeah,” you say. “Just give me a few more minutes.”

“‘Course.” Rafe watches over your shoulder patiently as you tap away at your keyboard, his hands running up and down your legs before locking around your midsection. When he feels like he almost can’t take it anymore, you’re finally leaning back into him, sighing as you turn off your computer. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said last night.”

He feels you stiffen against him immediately. “Oh.”

Rafe clears his throat, trying to ground himself through all of the parts of his body that are physically touching yours. “I know what I said hurt you, and I know why. But I think… I was thinking about it today, and I just really need you to see where I’m coming from.”

“Rafe,” you sigh, turning in his lap.

“Just listen to me for a minute, alright? And then I’ll shut up about it forever,” he begs.

You roll your eyes at that, nodding anyway.

“When you and I got back together, your dad told me I needed to take care of you,” Rafe begins. Your mouth immediately drops open again in indignation but Rafe forges ahead. “Not like that, he didn’t mean it like that. And listen, I know he’s your dad, but you don’t give that guy enough credit. He believes in you, Y/n. Just like I do.”

“What did you say?” you ask.

“Of course I promised him I would, Y/n/n—c’mon,” Rafe says. “In any way that meant. But I never knew your mom felt that way until yesterday, so I panicked, alright? And I’ve been so worried about you, and your frat boys, and how much you’re working these days—I just want to help you out, sweetheart. It’s what I’m here for.”

You give him a deadpan look. “But you understand that you can help me out without telling me that I could just quit my job and we’d be fine, right? You’re stressed about work all the time, and I’ve never told you I could take care of you when we both know that I could.”

Rafe winces, head dropping to rest on the back of the desk chair. “I know. That was really bad. And I’m sorry.”

“It was awful, Rafe.”

“I’m sorry,” Rafe repeats. “I’d never want you to feel like I want you to give up your career if it’s what you want to do. You’re gonna do amazing things—you already are. And I wanna be here for it all, alright? I’m sorry.”

“It’s… okay,” you say tentatively, Rafe melting a little in relief when your finger hooks into a gap in the buttons on his dress shirt. “I think I get what you meant.”

“And hey, I just—never mind.”

“What?” you implore, hands grasping the back of his neck when he doesn’t say anything. “Rafe, what?”

“I care a lot about what your parents think of me,” Rafe admits. “A lot.”

“Baby…”

“Because my dad—I know he’s backed off now, but I can’t help that he doesn’t like you for no reason. I really can’t,” Rafe rambles, running a hand over his hair. “And I don’t want us to be living here, and my dad doesn’t like you, and your mom doesn’t like me, and we just don’t have anyone—”

“Whoa, whoa. Hey,” you stop him, your face flashing with realization. “Is that—is that what all of this is?”

Rafe’s silent except for a shrug.

“Cameron, look at me,” you tell him. “A year ago, you told me not to listen to your dad. But I did anyway, and look where that got both of us by your birthday.”

A blurry month flashes through Rafe’s head. A month of nights alone in his room, lights off and curtains drawn as soon as he was home from class. Days of rewatching anything he could think of to take his mind off of you, even though all of his favorites were things he’d shown you and couldn’t watch anymore without thinking about you again.

Only getting out of bed and leaving his room to head straight to and from class, sometimes not even doing that—putting in just enough effort at work to not tip his dad off that anything was going on, but still keeping his distance from the man he saw as partially responsible for your relationship’s unraveling.

Ignoring his roommates’ attempts to drag him out of his room, and just barely fielding calls from Kelce and Topper, not even eating the food they’d send to his house on Doordash from states away at their respective colleges. Wondering if he even deserved them, if they thought he was an idiot like he did himself—he’s sure Kelce did.

Constantly replaying that weekend in California over and over, wondering where he first went wrong, what he could’ve done differently, why he did what he thought was right when it couldn’t have been further from it. Agonizing over every last detail that led to your break-up.

His hands shaking on his birthday when he got that flight notification, hearing your voice for the first time in weeks—the ice-cold shock of the end of that exchange. And the scramble to win you back, the constant warring emotions of overwhelming hope and raging despair that had overtaken his body until he felt like a shell that could only be filled by you.

The way he tried desperately to manage his expectations when he knew that was useless with you. How his heart slowly began to numb over again, with every passing day after you said you needed time to think about seeing him again—and then the symphony of emotions that overlook his body the first time he did see you, back in the Outer Banks. The first time he kissed you, held you in his arms, while you finally let him back into your heart.

Rafe needs no reminder of the worst time of his life. And he doesn’t want to think about how the past 24 hours had reminded him of it.

“Yeah,” Rafe says lamely. “I know.”

“So I need you to worry more about what I think than what they do, alright? I know it’s hard—believe me, I do,” you say, smiling sadly. “But I can’t do it any other way.”

“That’s fair. And speaking of needs—I can’t,” his voice catches. “I’m all for giving you space when you need it, but, Y/n/n.”

“What?”

“Just,” Rafe sighs, squeezing his eyes shut momentarily. “Next time we fight, can we try to talk about it right away? If you need time, that’s fine. But I don’t like worrying about not knowing what you’re thinking, or if this is like… if this could be it, or I dunno. It drives me crazy when we leave things like that for too long.”

“Rafe… no, it’s not it. It’s never going to be it between us,” you assure him, pressing a kiss to his waiting lips. “Don’t ever think that.”

“I really fucked that up yesterday. I don’t think it was that far-fetched,” Rafe murmurs, arms tightening around your waist.

“Well, it was,” you say firmly, your lips meeting his hairline. “Besides, RC. I already put half of our books up today when I couldn’t focus on work. It would be a pain to go through and take out all of yours if we broke up.”

“Oh, so you’d get to keep the shelf that I made?” Rafe asks, feeling relief flood through him. He turns the both of you toward the shelf, smiling when he notices the bottom half of the shelf all filled in with your collection. His chest feels warm when he makes the realization that you probably waited on doing the top half until he came home today.

“Yeah, you gave it to me. There are rules about that, I’m sure,” you say.

Rafe tears his eyes away from the shelf to look back at you, something else he’d been wondering about all day coming to mind. “Can I ask you about one more thing?”

“Always.”

“Last night, when you said you’ve dated those kinds of guys.”

“You caught that, huh?” you sigh, head falling to his chest.

“I did.” Rafe’s hand slides over your knee, pressing a kiss into your cheek. “Did you mean Frederick?”

“Yes,” you say slowly.

“Any others?”

“We’ll talk about that one day, yeah?” you promise. Rafe doesn’t look at you immediately, until your hand falls under his chin and he meets your gaze. “Yeah?”

“Whenever you’re ready,” Rafe agrees, even though he’s still itching to know. He figures he owes you that much. “I’ll be here to hear about all the losers that let you go.”

Your lips twitch, not pulling into as big of a smile as he hoped. “Thank you.”

“Always. Hey,” he says, kissing you once more. “We’ll be alright, yeah?”

“We’ll be alright.”

#rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron #outer banks #outer banks imagine #outer banks fanfiction

413 notes · View notes

aquarianlights · 4 years ago

Text

I am in a serious financial bind. 😥 If anyone is in a position to listen & help or signal boost, pls keep reading...

This is from my apartment complex. I am in low-income housing. I called them & sent them proof I could pay on the 23rd. I told them I could (just barely) put 100 down now & they said that was too little.

They said they would file for eviction on the 16th, which adds $150 to my rent. They will cancel the court date and eviction on the 23rd when I pay.

But that doesn't cancel the $150 filing fee.

Idk where that $150 would come from. Idky they think it's fair that someone who cannot pay should be forced to pay even more??? That makes no sense. I can only just barely afford my rent every month as is.

These are from my energy company. I apparently owe them over $600. I genuinely do not know how this happened. We were on the phone for a very long time trying to figure it out & I was in tears for the latter portion of it because I swear I paid.

I usually keep record of my payments via taking a picture of my receipt since they are electronic, but my dog chewed up my phone (which I have pics of if need be for evidence) and broke it, so I had to get a replacement phone sent to me from the insurance company & nothing transferred from the old phone, so all my pics were wiped.

I found no record in my emails, either.

The meds I am taking to try to go into remission and the autoimmune disease itself both cause brain fog and issues with time warping, so it is possible maybe I skipped a month or something, but I highly doubt I would have skipped up to 600+ dollars worth of payments.

I have tons of electronic and hard copy calendars & they are all synced and constantly updated so that I know when payments are due. I also have text and email reminders sent to me, but I could find no reminders in my email for MONTHS now until they were telling me they were going to shut my power off if I didn't pay this. Idk why I was not sent reminders for months???

In the end, I agreed to set up a payment plan. Paying, like... 50-60ish on top of whatever my electric bill is every month for 12 months. It was the lowest they could go.

I can barely afford my electric bill as it is, so idk how I will be able to do this? They did give me a list of charities in my area so I will be using what little energy I have to call around & see if any of them would be willing to help me pay this. Idk how those work (they're mostly churches???), so I'm just gonna try & see what happens. 🤔

On top of all that, I *think* this is telling me my Medicaid has been cancelled but I'm not 100% sure?????

I'm going through treatment for a very serious, disabling problem that should last ~1 year and rn Medicaid is picking up what my Medicare doesn't cover and some of my doctors/specialists and treatments are medicaid only.

If I lose this, I'm basically done.

I know they'll do backpay if I get it back, but Idk if I *will* get it back. I'll be trying to get it back, but in the meantime, I guess I'll just have to pay out of pocket, idk??? Which I do not have.

I have lost almost ALL autonomy due to this autoimmune disease, which (in a very simplified form) is basically my immune cells "eating" my muscle tissue. I can barely get out of bed. Treatment should put me in remission & give me my life back. I am seeing a rheumatologist, neurologist, dermatologist, PCP, physical therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, and going to a holistic pain treatment center that does a different kind of physical therapy to bring down pain levels (which I was put into that program by my rheum). All of these are in relation to & necessary for my disease. I am going through TONS of testing almost weekly now & trying out treatments like IVIG and chemo where I am in the hospital hooked up to an IV for 4-6+ hrs of that day and the cost of those things without Medicaid picking up what Medicare doesn't cover is astronomical. I have to sign waivers every time I get my blood drawn (which is almost weekly now), do tests, and do treatments saying I will pay if Medicaid does not pick up the extra.

I already have crippling medical debt; I don't need more. I'm scared they won't let me do any more tests or treatments if they see I am just letting it all go to collections & am not paying.

This could mean the difference between having a life worth living (to me) where I am happy & thriving & autonomous or being bed-bound & living a life of just existing from day to day & miserable & in pain & suffering & unable to do anything for myself. This is literally life and death for me because I wouldn't be able to handle continuing to live in the latter scenario. I cannot handle living like I am now. Knowing my treatments are progressing is what keeps me going. Knowing I can go into remission is what keeps me going. Knowing my future is one completely different from now is what keeps me going. But if I cannot have that and am destined to live in this current state, it's just not worth it. I don't know a person alive who would want to live like this.

Finally, my anger noodle needs to get to the vet for MULTIPLE things. Nothing is, like... life threatening or super immediate like his cancer was last year, but they're things that need to be addressed in terms of preventative care & to make sure he isn't in pain.

He needs his trachea checked, possibly x-rays for that, maybe more...

He needs some medication updates, needs a physical, needs a full groom & nail clip under anesthesia (for those who are not familiar with Echo, he has extreme fear-based aggression & usually gets this done under anesthesia; since I worked with him so much, he had his first non-anesthesia nail clip at the beginning of quarantine, but he has gotten worse during quarantine & with my muscle eating disease, I can no longer restrain him & don't have the physical strength to run a brush through his thicker fur as his winter coat is in, so I can no longer groom certain areas of him at home, so his tummy & back legs are matted & I fear he may need to be shaved... which breaks my heart since you don't shave double coat dogs unless medically necessary.), he needs a full physical, & needs to be checked over for MCT's.

He may also need a fecal test or something else, as he has been having odd bowel movements. 😥 His tummy has been upset lately.

I have been crying myself to sleep every single night & often during the day because I cannot get him to the vet. No, it isn't urgent or life threatening. But he is reverse sneezing more than normal & I worry about tracheal collapse, which is a common small dog thing & even MORE common in pomeranians specifically. Every time he has a fit, I think "Oh god, this is it. This is the time I'm gonna have to rush him to the e-vet & get slammed with a huge bill & he is not gonna be okay..."

It breaks my heart to see his legs & belly matted. He is horrible about letting me groom him coz of his aggression so he only gets a full grooms at the vet, but I do short grooming sessions at home with him nightly. Takes about 2 hours just to do the majority of one side of him (not even all of it; just most) coz he needs breaks & lots of praise every few strokes or he will tear me to shreds & hurt himself snapping on the undercoat rake. 😥

But now that my autoimmune disease has atrophied my muscles to the point holding up my phone without something to prop it up feels like I am lifting weights & tires my arms out with a lactic acid burn & pain, I can no longer groom him with the patience he needs & can only groom in 20 minute intervals at the VERY longest. By the time I have gotten one leg done during the week, his entire other side is matted. 😞 Matting on dogs---especially double coat dogs---hurts them. It's like if someone were to wrap your hair around their fingers & then pull it taut. It's a constant pulling pressure on their skin... it's painful & irritates the epidermis. I feel miserable feeling the matting on his back legs & tummy & now feeling the mats beginning to form on the rest of him. He hates me working them out, even with the detangling spray. I know it must hurt so much...

So he may need to be shaved at this point & that will destroy me. I feel sick thinking about it. But anything to get him out of pain. Maybe it is what's best for him while I go through this year of treatment & get my muscles back. But in order to do that, I need to get him to the vet.

The stress of not being able to get him to a vet is tearing me apart & literally making me physically ill.

He is my world. My everything. My #1. My heart dog. My priority in life. My entire universe revolves around him. I would do anything for him. Not a single person, animal, thing, etc, comes before him. It is KILLING me that I cannot provide proper care for him right now. I always always always make sure to sacrifice for him if need be & his things ALWAYS come first, even if it means I'm not eating or not paying bills or whatever. As long as he is taken care of & his needs & wants are met, nothing else matters to me. And right now........ I feel he is suffering because of my finances & the fact my treatment with building my muscles up is not going fast enough.

I cannot control the latter one, but the first one is something I can at least ask for help for. So that is what I am doing.

If anyone is in a place to help, these are my venmo & cashapp codes. I also have paypal.

💙 Venmo: @kqroswell

💚 Cashapp: $kqroswell

💜 Paypal: @kqroswell or [email protected]

If there is another form of payment you're thinking of, lemme know. I also have fb pay activated if you have me on FB (Killian Q Roswell).

Thank you to everyone who read through this & anyone who can help or reblog this. 💖

Sincerely,

Your v scared, struggling transman who really wants his bills/rent paid & his dog to go to the vet,

Killian 💞

29 notes · View notes

itoshit · 3 years ago

Note

Mouth agape by the shock of seeing him here, Vee and I exchange a look.

What the fuck?

'Vee, Draken. Your parents called me earlier telling me that you were gonna spend the night with them. Saying how you had to inform them of something hm?'

Why did I have to face dumbies like him? A week ago it was Shuji Hanma and now him?

'That doesn't explain your presence here?'

Putting a protective arm around Vee's shoulder I glared at him. I was taller so he had to rise his eyes to meet mine. I always knew how he was scared of me. I'm pretty sure he even discovered that I was part of a gang. It wasn't a secret but only Vee knew it. Her parents would hate me if they discovered.

'I guess that you're gonna be surprised it yeah? Come inside you two'

Feeling Vee tensing by my side I stroked her nape soothing her and kissing her head.

'No worries love if he tries anything I'm here'

Taking off our shoes and coats we followed him through the hall even if I knew the house by heart. Picture frames all over the walls I smiled at the sight. Many of them included Vee and I from a very young age to our teenage years.

'Ken my boy! How are you? Hey did you grow taller since last time??'

Laughing at your father's antics I accepted the embrace gladly and patting his back I smiled at your mother standing behind him.

'I don't know Mister Pierce, I hope not!'

Pulling back I reached for your mother and feeling her hands on my shoulders she pecked my cheeks.

'My my you're as good looking as before !'

Scratching the back of my head embarassed I smiled and came back by your side.

'Thank you Loretta, and you seem as fresh as when I first met you.'

'Such a flirt, if I were few years younger I-'

'Loretta darling I'm still here?'

Laughing at them Vee and I almost forgot the presence of Rei, her ex boyfriend.

'So Loretta and Pierce, what did you want to tell us?'

'Oh yes Rei! Okay we should all sit down around a good meal and we'll explain everything after'

I wasn't stressed but I felt something fishy from the start. Maybe not on your parents side but Rei was definitely preparing something.

After a while eating and talking about random things your father clapped his hands together.

'Okay. Vee, you wanted to tell us something didn't you? We're listening !'

'I... I preferred if you talked first dad?'

'Are you sure? Well okay in that case... you know how Rei's parents and us are good friends yeah? We wanted to associate ourselves for business and you know how are families are traditional right?'

I don't know why, but my heart started beating faster in my chest. I was waiting with apprehension for him to finish his sentence. Sat next to you I had my hand on your tigh and our fingers were interwined.

'So Vee, I wouldn't have had this idea if you were already taken but it has been months since your last relationship, with Rei actually. And what better than a wedding to mark our newly business association??'

Choking on my water at his words I widened my eyes.

'What??'

'Oh you must be surprised Draken my bad but-'

Vee was going to talk but I cut her too.

'That's not gonna be possible Pierce. I'm sorry to break the new like that but your daughter and I are dating.'

Feeling your hold on my hand tightening, I was caressing your skin with my thumb.

Everything would be alright.

'What?!'

The three of them had a stunned look on their faces but the fuck did I care. They wanted to take you away from me and I won't let that happen.

'But Vee baby? You never-'

'That was the thing I wanted to tell you tonight. I'm sorry dad and mom but I can't accept that.'

'Well in that case... that's a bit problematic since Rei's parents and us were ready to prepare everything but I guess...'

'Hey sorry to interrupt but; do you know what your precious Ken does for a living? And where does he live?'

Clenching my jaw I turned to Rei. The bastard.

'Rei shut the-'

'He's living in a brothel surrounded by whores and is the second in command of a dangerous gang leading Shibuya'

Seeing his smirk on his face, I inhaled deeply.

And that's when hell broke loose.

-Draken

#BIGDRAMAAHEAD

REI’S DUMB ASS…

My parents look dumbfounded. I’m rooted to my seat in shock, Ken looks tired and Rei has a smug smirk on his face I wanted to literally rip off.

What’s he saying? Daddy is the first one to speak. Venus, what’s Rei talking about?

Is that true? Mom.

I close my eyes, exhale a shaky breath. I was going to tell you guys, I swear I was.

Daddy shoots up from the table, chair hitting the floor loudly with a bang, and even then his voice booms over the sound. You were going to tell us? he mocks. You brought a gang member into our home, Venus! Do you have no regard for our safety? For your safety?

He’s been in Toman since we were kids, Daddy! Nothing’s ever happened to me or to you!

Since you were kids? Mom looks horrified, a hand up to her lips to cover her gape. Venus, if we knew that we’d never have let you near him!

This is Ken we’re talking about, Mom! He’s never once put me in a position to be hurt! He didn’t even let me in contact with the gang until a few weeks ago!

So now the gang knows you? You’ve initiated yourself in his little band of thugs? Are you an idiot? Daddy snarls, each words striking deeper in my heart. How stupid could you be, Venus? After all that money we spent on your schooling—

Oi, Ken interrupts him, eyes narrowed and deadly. You have every right to be mad and hate me, but watch how you speak to her.

Dad looks incredulous. He points at Ken. You see this? Now you have this thug back talking me in my own home! In my own home, Venus! And you’re telling me you’re gonna pick this-this delinquent over Rei?! Over the company?!

Rei? I bark out a laugh that’s cold and cutting. Rei? Running my eyes over him, I relish in his flinch from my stare. Fucking coward. You think Rei’s the better choice? Do you even know why we broke up in the first place? Huh? Since he’s all about telling other people’s truths did he bother to tell you that the reason we broke up is because he cheated? Twice? Did your little Mr. Perfect tell you that?

Mom looks ready to faint from the information overload while Dad’s anger falters, stunned by the revelation. That should be my sign to stop, give them mercy, but I’m relentless. They’ve gone too far; I find it only right to return the favor.

And what’s wrong with where he lives? Do you think he asked to be born and raised in a fucking brothel? Huh? Do you think that he yearned to see strangers coming in and out of his fucking home everyday? If anything, Ken’s lucky to have been born in such a place and still be raised right. Each one of those women have more balls than Rei’ll ever have, and they’re the reason why Ken’s the man he is today. So if you dare say he’s the wrong man for me, then I guess we both don’t know how to pick a suitable partner. Must be genetic.

Standing to my feet, ready to be out of this shit hole, trying to will away the stinging in my eyes, I see Rei take a step toward us in my peripheral.

Vee, I’m—

Fuck off. I completely disregard Mom’s no-profanity-in-the-house rule as I turn on my heels and storm out of the house, making my exit final with a dramatic slam of the door. The outside air hits me like a freight train, and I can’t help crying as the atmosphere shifts, and everything that just happened truly settles in.

I knew this night was going to be shit.

#🗝; keyholder #🗝; draken #🗝; chronicles of vee: vol. 2 #fuck my parents too TF?!#i’m a grown ass woman #they in my business? don’t do det

0 notes