#i suddenly dropped like 5 followers within the last hour so guess i just feel like i did something???

[avosloved]

i feel kinda silly doing one of these but...interest check i guess? idk i’m feelin kinda down about my writing and whatnot in general rn. so. i guess i’m just curious to see who is actually interested in interacting on this blog. esp where i may.......consider cleaning it up by archiving it and moving it to a new one idk yet. i’m still undecided. anyway just give this post a like if you’re still interesting in interacting with me please. i love you guys ;w;

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language and smut.

Words: ~3000 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost...

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5   Part 6   Part 7   Part 8   Part 9  

Part 10   Part 11   Part 12

gif credit: @bilyrusso

Part 13

It was 8 in the evening and you were still in the office. You hadn’t accomplished much work today, your mind mostly focused on Billy. You were surprised by how quickly he’d been able to make the funeral arrangements for his mother. Yesterday you had driven over to the nursing home and by the time you reached there, Carla Russo’s body had already been picked up. You’d signed a few papers for Billy and picked up the remainder of Carla’s things before you returned home. Everything of hers was packed into a small suitcase and sitting in your living room. You wanted to call him, ask him how he was and offer your support, but he seemed determined to do everything on his own when you’d talked to him last and you didn’t want to intrude.

You gave yourself a mental shake, reminding yourself to concentrate. This workday had been a wash. When you weren’t distracted by thoughts of Billy, you were putting out fires in your team. At least the personnel conflicts have been temporarily resolved, but now you needed to work on a slide deck that you’d been tasked with presenting to the executive leadership committee later in the week.

An hour later you were halfway done with your presentation when your phone rang. You glanced down at your screen to find Billy’s name on the screen. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He sounded exhausted. “You still at work?”

“Yeah. How did you know?”

There was a pause. “You give off the workaholic vibe.”

You smiled to yourself; at least he was okay enough to crack jokes. “How are you?”

“You mean am I grieving over a goddamn dead woman who preferred meth to her own fucking son?” He sighed. “No big loss. I’m fine.”

Anger and hurt saturated his voice despite his attempts to sound unaffected. Your heart hurt for him, you wished there was something you could do. “Do you need anything?”

“The funeral service is tomorrow.” A beat of silence followed. “Do you want to come?”

“Sure. What time?”

“2pm.”

“I’ll take the day off. Do you need my help with anything? Maybe I can call some of her friends?”

“When I found her she was living on the streets, barely alive but still hooked on meth. I doubt she’s got any friends.”

“What about the people in the nursing home? Maybe they want to come?”

“No, I don’t want anyone else there. Just you.”

Not liking the warmth that spread through you upon hearing his words, you reminded yourself he was probably feeling unusually vulnerable. This wasn’t typical of him.

“Do you want to come over?” he asked.

You exhaled a heavy sigh. “I would but I have so much work to do. I’ll be here for another hour at least.”

“Come over after you’re done.”

“It’ll be really late.”

“That’s fine. I can wait.”

“I can stop by my place to pick up your mom’s-.”

“No, it’s okay.”

You realized he wasn’t quite ready to go through Carla’s belongings yet.

“Bring your stuff with you.”

“Stuff?”

“Overnight bag, clothes for tomorrow, whatever.”

“Oh. You want me to stay over?”

“Yeah, might as well. We can drive over together for the service tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Despite the conversation coming to a natural end, he wasn’t hanging up. It seemed as if he was reluctant to be alone, probably because that meant dealing with the complicated emotions for his mother. You knew exactly how that felt. “If you want, I can leave now. I can work from your apartment instead of the office.”

“You’re not worried I’ll be tempted to spy on Valiant stuff?” he teased.

You smiled. “As if I’d let you see what I’m working on.”

“Guess no corporate espionage for me tonight.”

“Still going to keep you away from my laptop.”

He chuckled. “Just get here. I promise not to bug you while you work.”

“Okay. I’m leaving now.”

“See you soon.”

After you hung up, you started gathering your things together.

***

An hour later, you were at his place. When he opened the door, you immediately grew concerned at how tired he looked. Traveling back and forth from Vegas plus dealing with the news about Carla’s death within the last few hours meant he was absolutely exhausted.

“Hey,” he greeted you, smiling as he took the overnight bag from your hands.

You removed your heels while he took your bag inside his room and then made your way to his living room. While his penthouse suite was much bigger than yours, you actually didn’t like it very much. Despite the high-end finishes and the beautiful interiors - Billy had obviously hired a designer to make the place look good - it always felt very cool and inhospitable to you. It was too perfect and you always felt out of place inside the suite.

“You hungry?” he asked, coming up behind you. “I ordered dinner for you.” Arms encircling your waist, he dropped a kiss on the back of your head as he maneuvered you to the kitchen. He’d laid out the food for you on the dining table, and from the take-out containers you knew it was from one of your favourite Indian restaurants. The thoughtful gesture surprised you, you weren’t used to that from him. Noting that he’d only set the table for one, you turned around to look at him. “You’re not going to eat with me?”

“I ate already. I was starving. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” You cradled his face with one hand, your eyes roving over his beautiful face as he placed a kiss on the fleshy part of your palm. “You look exhausted. Did you even sleep?”

“No” He leaned back against the kitchen counter, weary. For a moment he closed his eyes, simply holding still, and you found yourself wrapping your arms around him in a hug. You didn’t understand why you’d even initiated the embrace – hugs were never your thing – but seeing him so beaten-down you were desperate to comfort him. He leaned into you, his body flushed against yours, and you held him tight. Stroking the nape of his neck, you placed a soft kiss on the center of his forehead. “Why don’t you take a nap while I work?”

“You don’t mind?”

You smiled up at him, running your fingers through his hair. “At least I don’t have to worry about you stealing my company secrets while you sleep.”

He smirked. “You’ll be here when I wake up?”

“Yup. Probably still working away.”

Billy grazed your temple softly before dropping a tender kiss on the tip of your nose. “Okay, but eat first.”

You nodded your head, watching after him as he sauntered out of the kitchen and disappeared down the hallway.

Sighing, you went to the sink to wash your hands before eating.

***

It was after midnight and you were still working on your slide deck when you heard Billy puttering around in the bathroom. Soon he slowly made his way towards you, dressed in a t-shirt and black boxers, his hair all messy. He yawned lazily, falling onto the other end of the couch.

“I thought you’d sleep through the night,” you remarked.

“Are you still working?” he asked.

“Almost done.” You saved the file and shut off the laptop before slipping it back inside your bag.

Suddenly he pulled you closer and you found yourself tucked underneath him on the couch as he glanced down at you from above. “You work too hard.”

You smiled up at him. “They don’t pay me the big bucks to sit there and look pretty.”

A slow, incandescent smile curved his lips. “I would. If I ran Valiant, you’d be my personal stress relief. You’d be in my office the entire time and do nothing but look pretty and service me.”

“That’s sexual harassment.”

Billy shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever. I’d make it worth your while.”

You laughed, angling up to kiss him. “Your breath is all minty fresh.”

“I brushed my teeth for you.”

“Wow. Be still my heart.”

A warm grin covered his face as he shifted down your body to nuzzle your neck. His weight was heavy as he rested atop you, but you liked the solid feel of him on you, the way you felt all safe and warm. You stroked his hair while he drew lazy circles on your chest, the silence between you two comforting.

“No one knows about her. Not Frank, not Curtis, no one.”

Those names were familiar to you because Billy had mentioned them in passing a few times. Of course he’d never shared any other info, but you being you, you’d dug around and found out more about them. You knew they’d served with Billy and he considered them his closest friends.

“When I found her three years ago, I put her in that home and forgot all about her.”

“You visited her every week,” you reminded him.

“Because I wanted her to regret abandoning me. I wanted her to see how far I’d come, I wanted to throw her mistakes in her face. But I don’t think she regretted safe-havening me, not even a bit.”

The bitter pain in his voice made your heart hurt for him.

“Maybe I should be happy she’s finally dead, or maybe I’m supposed to be sad or something.”

“How do you actually feel?”

“Nothing. I feel nothing.”

“Billy, I think that’s normal. There’s no right or wrong in this. All of your feelings are valid.”

“Even if her dying made me absolutely ecstatic? You wouldn’t think I was a fucking psychopath?”

“You are a psychopath but not because you have conflicting emotions about your terrible mother dying. You have the right to feel how you feel about her, whatever that might be.”

Eyes blazing with emotion, he hovered about you to meet your gaze. “Then what makes me a psychopath?”

You quirked your eyebrow. “The fact you want to torture my dates.”

“Not just torture, I want to kill them.” Eyes darkened, voice velvety-smooth, he covered your mouth with his and ravaged you with a kiss that left you thrumming and breathless.

“Only you’re allowed to touch me?” you asked through labored breaths.

“Yes.” His voice was a lustful rasp, his mouth leaving a heated trail as he sucked on the oh-so-sensitive corner of where your neck and shoulder intersected. Sparks of electricity ran down your spine. “Only me.”

You took his hand and guided it down your body, parting your thighs for him.

Like always, you were soon completely lost in the erotic pleasure of his mouth on you. Your legs hooked over his shoulders, your hands grabbed the back of the couch for support as he fucked you with his hands and mouth, sucking you, licking you, his tongue flicking over your clit until you were keening under him. Body arching off the couch, you moaned his name louder and louder until he drove you completely over the edge.

Then you felt a light slap on your cunt which immediately brought you back to reality. Opening your eyes, you found Billy perched between your legs, gracing you with the most wicked smile. “That’s one.” He slapped your pussy again, this time his long, lean fingers ever so slightly grazing your clit and your hips bucked, wanting more. “As promised.” His eyebrow quirked up. “Punishment.”

“Not fair,” you protested. “I’ll date who I want.”

He slapped you again, a little harder this time, but then he leaned down to place comforting kisses on the very spots he assaulted and you moaned with pleasure.

“All of you.” His tongue lapped over your clit, eyes locked with yours. “Belongs to me. I own you.”

“You don’t!” You squealed when he flipped you over unexpectedly, grabbing you by the hips so your ass was lifted of the couch. And then he squeezed your butt cheeks, biting them lightly before he started rimming you.

***

After sharing a shower the two of you were laying in his bed, your back pressed against his chest as you both stared up at the ceiling. His one hand was intertwined with yours, the other arm circled around your hips. The two of you didn’t have sex but you didn’t mind. You were both fatigued.

“I smell like you now,” you murmured, realizing the soap in his shower had left its scent on you.

“I know. I like it.” He squeezed your fingers. “I have a present for you.”

“I hope it’s not earrings again.”

He chuckled. “No, not earrings.”

“What is it then?”

“Jewelry.”

You turned back to look at him. “What? Like a necklace?”

“Something like that. Except I’m the only one who’ll see you wearing it.”

“Ah. And where is this gift?”

He kissed the top of your head. “Not here yet.”

You smiled to yourself. “People usually wait until they have the gift in hand before telling others about it.”

“I couldn’t wait. I’m excited to see you wear it.”

He stroked your hair, and your eyes grew heavy. Soon you started falling into deep slumber, feeling calm, comforted by Billy’s arms around you.

“What happened with your family?”

Your eyes flew open. Like always, any mention of your family unfurled anxiety within you. You didn’t like thinking about them letting alone discussing them. “They passed away.”

“They’re dead?”

“Yes.”

“Both of them?”

“Yes.”

He pulled you up so you were facing him now, his intoxicating gaze completely focused on you. “That day when I asked you about the pictures, you said you weren’t close to your family.”

“I meant my extended family. I don’t keep in touch with them,” you replied smoothly.

“What were your parents like?”

Irritation surged through you at his obtrusive questions but you had to remind yourself he just lost his mother. He was feeling out-of-sorts, working through his grief – even if he didn’t think so – and he was reaching out to the only person in his life that knew about his mother. “Normal.”

He simply stared at you for a long time, studying you, saying nothing. “Normal,” he repeated, finally breaking the strained silence.

You shrugged your shoulders, dropping your gaze to the base of his throat so you didn’t have to hold his piercing stare. “Yup.”

“How did they die?”

“Car accident.”

“You miss them?”

“Of course,” you lied.

He reached out to cup your face, his thumb stroking your cheek. “So you grew up with great parents, white picket fence and all that bullshit? Sounds like you had a fairytale childhood.”

“Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m really tired.”

“Sure. I’ll add this to the list of all the other shit we’ll talk about someday.”

He sounded almost angry with you and you weren’t sure why. Before you could question him, however, he pulled you close so you were snuggled against his chest and the warmth of his body was enough to silence your brain and lull you to sleep.

***

It was a cold, crisp autumn day in New York. The outdoor service, attended by only you and Billy, was short and quick. Throughout it, he’d gripped your hand even though he’d been outwardly calm and collected. Even now as he stood a few feet away from you, impeccably dressed in a black suit, his dark eyes hidden behind a pair of aviator sunglasses as he stared out at the pond, you sensed he was a complete mess inside. You didn’t know what to say to him so you simply sat on the bench, both of you in an isolated corner of the garden. Eventually he came to sit beside you, taking your hand in his.

“I’d have given her the whole world.” His voice was filled with pain and longing as he removed his sunglasses and tucked them in the upper pocket of his suit. “I would have given her anything she ever wanted.” Billy’s eyes met yours. “If she’d just wanted me.”

You scooted closer to wrap your arms around him, breathing him in as he sunk into you. His hands caressed your back, his grip on you so tight you almost couldn’t breathe. After a while he rested his forehead against yours, his eyes holding you prisoner in front of him.

“Swear to me you’ll never leave.”

“Billy-”

“Promise me!”

“I can’t.”

“It wasn’t a fucking request, Y/N.”

You tried to pull away from him but he fisted the back of your hair, holding you in place.

The raw urgency in his voice played havoc with your emotions. If you closed your eyes, just for a moment, you could shut out all the doubts in your head and simply believe him - but you could only live the fantasy for a short moment before reality forced its way back in. “You don’t mean those words, Billy.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because you don’t feel that strongly about me.”

His eyes narrowed, glaring at you with hostility. “You’re gonna tell me how I feel?”

“I’m not what you want.”

“And what do you think I want?”

You gave him a sad smile. “The best of everything. Best car, best clothes, the most beautiful women in your arms. You want all that because you need others to want what you have.”

“Is that so wrong?”

You shook your head. “No, there’s nothing wrong with that – except I don’t fit into any of those categories. You want a woman like Dinah Madani. I’m not her. So eventually this thing between us will end.”

His jaw was set in a grim line, eyes burning bright with rage. “So you have me all figured out, huh?”

“Don’t get mad. You know it’s the truth.”

He yanked you closer, crushing you against him. “It’s been me against the world for as long as I can remember. But when I look at you.” His eyes softened, mouth parting as his dark gaze roamed over your face. “I don’t feel alone anymore.”

Your heart melted. The tenuous handle you had on your self-control disintegrated completely. You closed your mouth over his, kissing him frantically as he picked you up and straddled you across his lap.

He pulled back to look at you. “You’re my home. You’re all I need.”

Part 14

A/N - As always, all of your feedback, comments, asks, likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated. They truly inspire me to keep writing, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

If you want to be added/removed from the tag list, please let me know.

Tag List:;

@yourfavoritefruitybitch @voyevoda-thejoy @adreamemporium @queenmalhinewahine @gubleryum @galaxyjane @xceafh@maralisa124@tomhollandisabae @daybleedsintonightfa11 @lil-baby-nor@all-art-is-quite-useless @tanyaherondale @nashibirne @dour-trash @thetallassgirl @athenamikaelson @agent-jbarnes @primadonnasdream @aleksanderwh0r3 @elisemockingbird @nihilismworld @archisur@nemesis729 @lysawayne@kaqua @ladyblablabla @lemasonda@advictedtohim @24-martie @tarkanelima-blog @shinebrightlikeafanbase @krystal-clear1 @damalseer@dontjinx-it@darkishx @wanderlusting-about-life @thatguppienamedbae @happypepperdog @bat-revival @sassygirl25 @consulting–heroes @the-celestial-kitsune @mackaywhore @ablxssm @competitive-dust @red-head011 @exo-1204 @sunsetenigma @millieb-3199 @chatnain @licensedcheek @tinkertailor1212 @vertesalope @safetyhtom @acourtofglassandroses @eliwinchester-barnes @finnismyoriginalsin @weallhaveadestiny @beananacake @beauty-and-the-beast97 @smurfelle @fire-treasure-iii @charly-0 @kestrafagnor @pigwidgeonxo @damagelove @allegra-writes @pensandthings @jad3djay @batshitbarnes @kashimayuki @secretsthathauntus @odetostep @awesome-eccia @mackaywhore @stories-you-wont-hear @vvsdiamond28 @supernaturalcat7 @arieltwvdtohamflash @iknownoqueenbutthequeeninme​​    @devs-stufff @ticosas @moodacheeks @myakai13 @carlywhomever @fvckthisbxtchup @its-evita-here @papapapadumb @talesfrommycell @bat-luna-cat @fific7 @elluvians @dailydoseofchoices @everythinghappens-love @papapapadumb @mylife-love-and-other-things @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @ancientbeing10 @natty2245 @stuckysavedmylive @kasslucilfer @simp-for-ben-barners @originaldeputycalzoneegg @bdffkierenwalker @kimoranelson03 @sadbi-hours @haushinka27  @haushinka27    @caylaxwrites   @extraneousred​   @agentmstark​   @crazywitchkitty​   @its-an-idea-not-a-blog    @partypoison00    @fictional-hooman

[wtf-yoongi]

Let me drive. / JJK

pairing | jungkook x reader

summary | road trip + california + your koo 🥺

genre/warnings | fluff + light smut + established relationship + kinda shy/quiet jungkook

words | 3,522

note | okay so i had this idea almost a year ago and wrote around 5 versions of this since then lol i guess the stuff i write is *already* very chill but i have to say this is the chillest

If you could, you’d freeze this moment. This very moment. Right here, right now. Just as the wind blows on your hair, just as everything around you smells like sand and the sea, just as Jungkook’s smooth driving lulls you to sleep.

You look at him then. Focused on the curves of the road, a small crease in between his eyebrows as he is forced to make a particularly sharp turn. You twist again to look outside the half-opened window and all you can see are the waves coming and going, somehow closer when the car shifts — and it calms you even further. 

It’s hard to fight the heaviness of your eyelids, but you’re determined not to miss any second of this. Everything looks perfect, all around you — you can’t take it for granted. You should cherish it, imprint this in your memory, take pictures with Jungkook’s camera now that he’s busy driving and can’t do it himself. It’s within arm’s reach, but you can’t find it in you to grab it.

“You should take a nap,” Jungkook says with an unusual air in his voice. It is deep, but dreamy, and you wonder if you’ve actually fallen asleep. His right hand leaves the steering wheel to lightly touch your thigh. “You didn’t have enough sleep last night.”

“You’ve had just as much as me,” you protest, turning your body to seat properly again and blinking a few times to wake up, eyes opening as wide as possible in between each of them. “Do you think we can stop for a coffee somewhere? I bet you need it too.”

“I’m okay.”

“That’s what you always say.”

You end up convincing Jungkook you should stop somewhere, even if that somewhere is the nearest underwhelming gas station. He takes the opportunity to fill up the tank, later going inside to join you and look for the most appetizing caffeinated drink. It’s not his favorite, and neither is the one in your hands, but it’ll do for now. You take the can out of his long fingers to pay before he has a chance to protest.

“How far away are we now?”

Jungkook’s head tilts as he follows you outside, eyes wrinkling while his brain tries to remember what the GPS said before. “Not much, really. Maybe a little bit over half an hour.”

“Let me drive, then.”

He throws you the keys without thinking twice, but mostly because you know Jungkook wants to take pictures of the road — he’s never been good at hiding things and, with you in particular, there’s no point in trying anymore. He’s been driving since you left this morning and you wonder if you should’ve taken over after Pismo Beach.

Maybe you should have. He looks perfectly content as he sits on the passenger’s side and reaches for the camera not a heartbeat after putting on his seatbelt. That’s when you know you should’ve said something earlier — he’s not going to ask you to drive if he can keep going. It’s the way Jungkook’s mind works: selfless all the time.

That thought melts as soon as you look to your right and he’s pointing the camera at you, bright smile only partially covered by the device in his hands as you hear the shutter. For a second, all you can see is him. Suddenly, all you care about in the world is how you can make that smile last longer.

Is it too greedy to want it forever?

//

The rest of the way to Santa Barbara goes as smoothly as possible. Jungkook is right — it does take a little bit over half an hour to get there and you’re glad it’s early enough for you to explore the city tonight. As you cross what seems to be the main road, filled with life, shops and pretty lights, you and Jungkook make a silent agreement to come back as soon as you drop the bags in the house you’re staying in.

To be honest, Jungkook was excessive when he chose the place. He said he wanted it to be close to the beach, with a pool he could swim in at two in the morning if he wanted to — oh, yes, and private. He repeated that at least three times while you were researching. In the end, the house isn’t as close to the beach as he wished it to be, but he agreed the pool was worth it. 

When you land your eyes on it for the first time, you’re sure Jungkook made the right call.

There’s a host there to welcome you and you follow Mrs. Johnson around as she shows you all the little corners of the house. She is surprised to know only two guests are staying when the house could easily fit six, but nods with a warm smile when you mention the pool situation and the way Jungkook’s eyes lighted up when he saw the pictures. You also can’t miss the way he tries to hide himself behind you when you say that or the hand that travels down to your waist. You couldn’t see him, but you bet a thousand dollars a shy smile is in full display — dimples and all.

It only takes a few minutes for you to drag your bags inside, drink a cup of water and leave again. The house isn’t very far from the main road you’ve seen earlier and a walk after a few hours of sitting inside a car sounded like a great idea. Just before leaving, you playfully pull Jungkook’s bucket hat further down as he sits his sunglasses on the bridge of his nose. Then, again, you wish you could freeze the moment, but only if you could attach an audio file with his giggle and that playful stop it with it.

There’s a comfortable warmth from all around you as you walk. The breeze is hot and, although the temperature is bearable, Jungkook’s hand in yours becomes clammy in under five minutes — not that it is enough reason to let it go, it’s just not the most comfortable and definitely not as pleasant as the feeling of his hands intertwined with yours midwinter.

You can tell Jungkook is excited. His feet are light on the scolding asphalt and he’s paying extra attention to every detail his doe-like eyes are able to reach — almost as if he’s also looking to imprint this moment in his brain. In fact, he could be getting help with that by taking pictures, but decides to leave the camera hanging by its strap on his waist for reasons you don’t quite understand. You also don’t ask, too happy to raise questions about anything.

There’s something about this city that makes you feel welcomed. It’s much like the charming towns you’ve visited along the coast ever since leaving the busy San Francisco a couple of days ago, but there’s something particularly special about it. You were expecting it to be filled with tourists enjoying their summer day, streets buzzing with cars and no available parking spots whatsoever only to be met by a steady rhythm of people walking, chatting and passing you by without a second glance. It’s less busy and more easygoing than you anticipated.

Jungkook also seems to notice that.

“I like it here,” he says, echoing your thoughts with ease. Jungkook’s head turns all around, taking it all in before landing his curious eyes on you. “I think this one is my favorite so far.”

You can’t help the snort that leaves your nose. “You’ve said that for every place we’ve been to.”

“Well, every place has been better than the last. What do you want me to say?”

Just as the words leave his lips, the elegant lamps lining the sidewalk come to life. You notice you’re not the only ones with chins up and surprised eyes — suddenly, you can point to every tourist standing within this block as locals move on with their lives as if nothing happened.

“Honestly, how can this not be my favorite so far?” Jungkook asks rhetorically, finally letting go of your hand to reach for his camera. He turns it on without even looking at the device, snapping picture after picture until he’s satisfied with the framing and lighting. “These lights are so pretty…” He comments as he checks his viewfinder. “Let me take one of you just standing there.”

He takes a few steps back to fit you in frame and you hear the shutter many times before he’s back by your side.

“Why don’t we get something to eat?” He suggests, quick to take your hand again as soon as the camera is back to its original place.

“That’d be nice. Craving anything in particular?”

“Food,” he answers simply and with a smile. “Anything you want.”

You end up inside a diner eight minutes from where you were. The reviews online were great and you can see the place is popular by the amount of people sitting when it’s still so early in the night. The sun hasn’t completely set, but you can already feel the temperature drop a little — not too much, you think, to forgo the pool later.

Jungkook eats like he’s been starving the whole day. One entrée isn’t enough for him, so he orders two and you feel like you should save some room for the burger coming in later. His fingers are greasy from all the fried chicken, so are his lips, and you can’t help but smiling fondly at him when he looks up from the bone he just sucked on. 

Right then, you wonder how in the world you ended up with him on the other side of the planet — the odds were never in your favor, but everything worked out somehow.

Ending up on the other side of the planet was the easy part.

//

The walk back to the house seems longer. Maybe it’s the weight of all the food in your stomach, maybe you’re finally feeling the need to rest after another busy day driving and seeing new places — maybe it’s both. Jungkook seems to feel it too, lazily swaying your connected (thoroughly cleaned) hands, dragging his feet and showing signs of running low on energy. For a moment, you think it’s possible he forgets about the pool and decides to just go to bed.

However tired, his eyes light up when he sees the pool area like it’s the first time and you have to admit it looks incredible. The water is so still it doesn’t look real and small decorative lamps illuminate it all around, creating a peaceful and inviting atmosphere. You can see how spent Jungkook is by the way his shoulders seem to be leaning forward a bit, but, still, he’s taking off his shirt and mumbling something about changing into a different pair of shorts.

Maybe he’s right. A quick dip in the water might just be the thing to relax your body and prepare it for the best sleep of your life.

Jungkook is already in the water when you come back in a bikini — with his back pressed to the pool, head resting on the edge and hair a wet mess. His eyes may be barely open, but he still sees you and raises a lazy hand out of the water to invite you in.

“It’s surprisingly not cold,” he assures you, a comforting smile on his lips. “Also, it’s not as deep, I’m just not really standing properly.”

A giggle leaves your lips as you move to sit on the edge right next to where he is, carefully letting a foot in to surprisingly — as Jungkook said — not immediately remove it because it’s too cold. You just wanted to sit there for a while getting used to the temperature before committing to a full dip, but he’s not having it.

“Come on,” Jungkook whines a little, clinging onto one of your legs. “We don’t have much time before I fall asleep in the water and drown.” He snorts and you can’t help falling for his shy smile. “I want to hold you in the water while we look at the stars together.”

“We can do that tomorrow if you want,” you suggest, trying not to let his words melt you completely while you move to fix a wet strand of hair in front of his eyes. “We’re staying here for one more night.”

However, in true Jungkook fashion, he doesn’t give up. “But I want it right now.”

And, in true you fashion, you give in to him.

//

The next morning, you wake up with a heavy and warm arm on top of your frame. The heat from Jungkook’s body on your back becomes too much as the hours pass and the room gets hit by an increasingly hotter sun. Unfortunately, it seems like your brain can’t get your limbs to move away from him without regaining consciousness.

It’s past 9 in the morning by the time you stretch an arm towards your phone. Groaning, you try reaching out for the air conditioner remote, but it’s maybe an inch too far. Before you can wiggle out of his grasp, though, you hear a low objection, grunt muffled by your own hair and skin.

Softly, you mutter a few words. “Just a second, Guk, I really need to get that.”

Subconsciously or not, Jungkook eases the grip he has around your middle and you’re finally able to hold the remote in your hands, lowering the temperature and increasing the speed. After the few beeps, a minute passes and you’re taking a deep breath, happy to feel the cool air around your limbs. 

“You’re shivering now,” he says, surprising you after a long and comfortable silence. Blindly, he feels around for the white sheets, fixing them on your torso all the way to your chin.

“I’m not shivering,” you assure him, uncovering an arm in a stubborn act. “I have a t-shirt on, it’s fine.”

He hums. “I’ll have you out of that in around thirty minutes. Don’t count on it too much.”

You smile, turning to him, but Jungkook still has his eyes closed. “Doesn’t look like it.”

“I told you: thirty minutes. Don’t rush, we’re on vacation,” he justifies himself, words lazy just like the smirk that appears on his lips. “Let me wake up properly.”

True to his words, you both rest for a little while before Jungkook starts making his move. You would’ve guessed he had fallen back to sleep from how steadily he was breathing just a few seconds ago, but you couldn’t have been more wrong — not when his lips are connected to the column of your throat and you begin to feel the weight of his body on your left side.

Suddenly, your whole world is surrounded by him. All you can feel, see and smell is made of Jungkook, from his hair tickling your face to the firm hand wandering around like it’s discovering your body for the first time. You sigh and moan a little when he marks you particularly hard or when his right hand moves to place your leg around his waist and you just know he’s satisfied. Jungkook lives for that, for knowing he does that to you.

There’s a light and soft laugh coming out of his lips before he turns to the other side of your neck, head stopping midway to plant a chaste and quiet kiss on your lips. 

“Promise me we’ll stay inside the whole day.” He’s just slightly out of breath, a feat that doesn’t go unnoticed by you — not after he’s taken care of your left side like that. He’s always so dedicated. “I really don’t want to get out of the house.”

“If you don’t want to.” The words would be perfectly accompanied by a shrug, but his body weight doesn’t let you. It’s just the right amount of pressure to feel him everywhere and, if you paid enough attention, you’d be able to sense his quick heartbeats too. “Yeah, we can stay in.”

“Good.”

You can see his eyes sparkle before he’s too close to focus, head dipping in to take your lips again. This time, however, the kiss is far from pure, delicately but firmly moving to open up your mouth and work restlessly until you’re completely out of breath.

You don’t know exactly when he starts slowly motioning his hips forward, senses overloaded with him everywhere, but you can feel your whole body respond to it. When you sigh yet again and his name comes out in a whimper, hand gripping his neck like your life depends on it, he knows.

“Let’s get you out of this,” he suggests, now a little bit past slightly out of breath as he proceeds to lift the t-shirt up and up until it’s free and thrown somewhere.

You couldn’t check the time then, but, if you could, you’d notice exactly thirty one minutes have passed.

//

“Have you even applied any sunscreen?” You call out from the inside of the house, holding a simple and delicious cup of cold water in your hands.

When you’re thirsty, everything will taste incredible.

“No!” He simply answers, ridding his hair of the excess water. “I’m only staying for twenty minutes while you shower, no need for sunscreen.”

“Yes need for sunscreen,” you disagree, sipping your water one last time before rummaging through your bag in search of the light blue bottle.

You immediately feel it in your skin as soon as you’re not covered by the roof of the house anymore. It is, after all, almost lunch time and the sun is at its peak — beautiful, majestic and burning hot. It only takes a few steps for you to reach the border of the pool and Jungkook gets the message, slowly walking towards you in the water.

“Dry your face and shoulders, please,” you demand at once, throwing him a small towel that was hanging around one of the lounge chairs. Luckily, he’s quick enough to catch it before it falls into the pool.

Still, Jungkook complains quietly. “It’s just twenty minutes, it’s really not a big deal.”

“It’s not a big deal until your cheeks are completely red,” you argue, squeezing a bit of the product on your fingers and soon applying it to his forehead and down his blushed nose. “Look, it’s already rosy from the walk we took. You should’ve asked for the sunscreen earlier.”

“Okay, okay,” he begrudgingly agrees just as he closes his eyes, your hands running close to the eyebrows. “You know what? We should’ve booked this place for one more day.”

“You think so?” You ask, finally bringing your hands back and closing the lid of the sunscreen bottle. “Don’t dip your head in the water for at least a few minutes, please,” you warn.

“Yeah. I mean, we’ve been to LA before, we know how it is. I think I like it here more,” Jungkook explains, swimming backwards towards the middle of the pool. “We’re staying in a hotel for two days before going back home. A hotel doesn’t have this.”

“The hotel has a pool.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes playfully. “You know what I mean. We can’t have this in a hotel.”

“We can just rest for two days,” you suggest. “Wake up and eat and nap and eat and…”

He laughs and twirls in the water. “I hate to interrupt you, but we’ll be late for checkout if you don’t go shower.”

“Right.”

//

There’s something about being on the road with him that brings you nothing but peace. It must be the perfect combination of clear skies, warm winds, the comfortable silence and the freedom of being on the road. Even with a destination in mind, it doesn’t feel like you need to follow it through. You can go anywhere, do anything, stop the car in the middle of nowhere and stare at the sea for an hour if you want to.

It almost makes you feel nostalgic for something that is happening right now.

The road gets busier and busier the closer you get to the city. Around here, you can see the mansions up in the hills, the exclusive restaurants here and there, and the fancy cars accelerating past the maximum speed displayed on the road signs of Malibu. Still, when you slowly press the brakes to stop on a red light, it feels like you’re in your own little world.

It’s always like this. He’s there and, suddenly, it hits. Everything around you melts, there’s nothing else. Sometimes, when Jungkook’s in the room, it almost looks like he shines — to you, there’s a bright, golden aura surrounding him. It’s warm, inviting and irresistible.

Jungkook doesn’t say anything when he sees the corners of your lips tug up without a reason, deciding to just mirror them. Once again, you find yourself wishing you could freeze this moment — this very moment. Just as his smile reaches his sparkling eyes and an airy laugh escapes his lips.

“Baby, the lights have just turned green.”

Read more ›› masterlist

[mercy-burning]

A Shit-Ton Of Sugar

Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader and Spencer work up the nerve to ask each other out after he’s been coming into her café for the past year. Category: FLUFF Warnings: Implied smut, nothing else :) Word Count: 5.3k

Full Request: “...Congrats on 1k that’s so exciting! I was hoping to request barista!reader that works at the coffee shop that Spencer goes to every morning, and literally knowing his order by heart??? And maybe like finally working up the nerve to ask him out/give him her number? Preferably fluffy, but I don’t mind! Thank you!” — @bauhousewife 

MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST

***

DAY 1

The first day he came into the shop, she felt like she couldn't breathe, which may have sounded like a cliché, but how else were you supposed to feel when a man like that walked in and just existed in the same space as you?

However, when she heard the bell ring, signaling someone coming into the tiny café, the fact that it was almost six-thirty in the morning was enough to make her grumpy. Whoever it was didn't even have the decency to wait a half hour until they officially opened? So, she turned around to face the stranger, ready to put on a fake smile and act like she didn't secretly want to strangle them, and then laid her eyes on probably the most beautiful human being she'd seen in a long time.

His eyebrows lifted, simultaneously expressing a greeting and an apology. "I—I'm sorry, I know you're not technically open for another half hour, but I'm in a rush on my way to work and I was wondering if I could just get a quick coffee to go?"

It was obvious that he tried to speak evenly, but between apologizing and being late to work, his words still came out rather fast. And suddenly her annoyance faded, quickly turning into a need to please him however she could.

"Oh! Oh, no worries, I can do that," she rushed out, scrambling to smooth out her apron. "What can I get you?"

A flash of relief flooded the man's eyes when he blinked, and his posture seemed just as relieved, his shoulders slumping slightly as he took a breath. "Just a black coffee with lots of sugar is fine, thank you."

"No problem. I'll have that up in a minute. Size?"

"Large, please."

As she got to work, he waited as patiently as he could, looking around the small space.

It truly was what everyone would describe as "home-y". Everything was painted a pale yellow, with lavender and sage green accents in the form of window trim, picture frames, little knick-knacks, and art pieces. As the man scanned over the few tables, he found little centerpieces of old ceramic mugs with flowers painted on them, each one containing real (or maybe fake? he couldn't tell) flower arrangements.

He smiled to himself as he found everything so... comforting. And as his eyes finally made their way back to the barista behind the counter, he finally got a good look at her.

"This is... your place? You own it?"

The woman turned back to him briefly as she poured the coffee into a large to-go cup. "Oh, yeah. I just opened up a few months ago. We don't get too much business, but that's fine by me as long as it's enough to pay the bills."

At her laugh, he smiled a little wider. It was a nice sound, just as comforting and home-y as the place he stood in. "Well, i—it's really nice, congratulations. I'm glad things are working out for you."

She laughed again a little, and if he knew any better he would have swore she was blushing. "Thank you. Um... How much sugar did you say you wanted?"

It was his turn to blush now, the way she was looking at him completely doing something wicked to his insides. "O—oh, um... I guess I never really did specify, huh? Sorry about that, um... Just three tablespoons is fine."

It was clear that he really didn't want to be an inconvenience, even more so when he mumbled a, "Sorry," so soft that Y/N wasn't even sure she heard it. Even still, she put on her best smile—even as she was turned around—to make sure he knew that she wasn't annoyed with him at all.

Though, it wasn't hard to keep smiling when she couldn't think to do anything else around him. Just the thought of his face made her want to smile, like she had a choice in the matter.

She finished the coffee, putting on a lid and turning around to face him again. "Can I get your name?"

He paused for a moment, like he was shocked she'd even ask, but laughed to himself and swallowed before responding, two syllables that almost sent her into cardiac arrest. "Spencer."

Suits him... she thought as she wrote his name down on the cup, her handwriting a pretty mix of cursive and print. And seeing his name spelled out in the penmanship she always got complimented on growing up looked like it might have been the most satisfying black marker trail she'd ever seen. Almost as satisfying as his face...

She cleared her throat and slid the cup across the counter to him, hoping she wouldn't be too obvious about her little eye-candy crush when she spoke. "Three-fifty is your total."

Spencer grabbed a five dollar bill from his jacket pocket and held it out, his fingers just barely brushing hers when she took it from him. If not for the intense concentration she was immersed in, trying not to embarrass herself, she would have jumped at the contact. Instead, she quickly ducked her face behind the tall register to keep from him seeing the stupid grin she couldn't keep away as she opened the drawer and started counting change. When she handed it over, though, she set it on the counter, hoping she could avoid touching him again.

He looked like he was about to say something, but instead, he scooped the change into his hand and immediately dropped it in the empty tip jar, a small smile on his face.

Just as Y/N said, "Thank you," Spencer grabbed his coffee and said the same, the both of them immediately going warm at the interaction. They let out a small laugh then, Y/N tucking a piece of hair behind her ear before she spoke again.

"Thank you for coming in," she said with a nod.

Spencer took a sip of his coffee and nodded back with a nod of his own. "A—and thank you for the excellent coffee."

Even after he left, she waited until he was across the street and completely out of sight before she let out a long, dramatic breath, immediately followed by a, "Holy shit."

And little did she know, it took everything within him not to keep looking back at the café as he left it—and her—behind.

DAY 5

She should have known it was too good to be true. In fact, if it weren't for the vivid physical and emotional reaction she'd had to seeing him lasting for days after it happened, she would have though she'd imagined the entire interaction. Spencer was quite literally the man of her dreams, if only because that's the one and only place he seemed to exist as of late.

Of course, it'd only been five days, and there was a possibility that he could come in again. Right?

Y/N shook away all thoughts of him as best as she could, focusing her attention to cleaning up the tables and closing for the night. The café was empty, the last customer having left no more than five minutes ago. But even as she cleaned tables, Y/N kept the sign on the door flipped to 'OPEN'— because the café closed for good at 10pm, and it was only 9:47. Though no one ever came in past 9:30, she figured it was better safe than sorry.

Soon enough, the small café started to smell more like lemon-scented surface cleaner than coffee, but Y/ didn't mind. In fact, as much as she loved the smell of coffee, after a long day it started to give her a little headache, one that instantly cleared once she started cleaning and closing up. It was calming, getting the place ready for the next day in the peace and quiet. She always turned half of the lights off so it wasn't as bright, a fact she was grateful for especially after the sun went down, but mostly because it made the place feel more atmospheric. Dim lighting during nightfall was probably Y/N's favorite feeling in the world.

At least, she thought it was.

She wasn't so sure anymore when the bell on the door rang and she turned around to see the man of her dreams, in all his tall, well-dressed, beautiful glory. 

She froze instantly, the bottle of cleaner falling softly from her hands and dropping onto the table, making her jump.

"Oh, I—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Spencer said quietly.

"N—no, it's... Um, it's fine," Y/N laughed, more embarrassed than anything. "I just wasn't expecting anyone to come in so late, we usually don't get anyone after 9:30."

"Yeah, I... I know it's late, I apologize, um... I just got back from work and I figured I'd stop by for a pick-me-up, i—if that's alright."

There he went again, acting like being in her presence was such an inconvenience for her, and it made her stomach do flip flops. There was no way he wasn't a figment of her imagination, right? He always showed up at the weirdest time, nervously asking for a cup of coffee like he wasn't supposed to be there.

Granted, this was only the second time it's happened, but the sentiment remained the same.

Either way, Y/N was happy to oblige.

"It's always alright. What can I get you this time?" She smoothed out her apron before sprinting behind the counter, turning on a lamp in the back that illuminated more of the kitchen.

"Oh, a black coffee is fine."

She couldn't help but laugh as she grabbed a to-go cup. "No mountains of sugar this time?"

To her surprise, he laughed back, and the sound made her feel warm. She wasn't looking at him because she was laser-focusing on the coffee making as to not make another embarrassment of herself, but she could see his smile in her head all the same. Hopefully the dimmer lighting wouldn't give her away, another stupid grin rising to her face.

"Mountains of sugar would be fantastic, actually," he said, his voice ever so warm and friendly, albeit soft. He was obviously tired, and if he was looking to stay awake, this coffee would definitely do the trick for a few hours.

"You sound like you had quite a long day," Y/N observed as she started brewing a new pot of coffee.

"Long week, more like... Work has been... a little rough."

The exhaustion threaded in his voice made her heart ache a little. "I'm sorry to hear that. Though, it sounds like you should be getting sleep instead of coffee."

When Spencer laughed this time, it was humorless. "Yeah, well, in my line of work sleep doesn't really come easily..."

Y/N glanced up at him then to see his head tilted upward as he stared at the ceiling. The dim lights of the café accentuated the peak of his nose and his jawline, and if not for the clear exhaustion highlighting his features, she would have taken more excitement in the fact that he was there, standing in front of her looking like a beautiful sculpture for free.

Though that was definitely an upside to him finally stopping by again, deep down she knew the reason he was there now wasn't because of her; He needed coffee, some semblance of comfort and probably normalcy after a shitty week. And Y/N was inclined to understand exactly how he felt in that regard.

"I'm sorry to hear that," is all she said on the subject. But she had an idea, hoping to brighten his day just a little, to bring another smile to his face. "Tell you what, I'll give you an extra coffee, no additional charge, and if you want, I'll even send you on your way with some of these extra muffins."

The half-worried, 'oh-shit-I'm-being-a-hassle' look on his face was almost familiar at this point, making Y/N laugh a little to herself.

"O—oh, Y/N, I couldn't do that, I—"

Ignoring the feeling she got when he said her name aloud, she stopped him, shook her head, and started pouring the freshly brewed coffee into two large to-go cups. "Really, Spencer, it's fine. I'll have to throw it all out otherwise, and this way it saves me the trouble. Trust me, you'd be doing me a favor."

"A—are you sure? I don't want to get you in trouble..."

"I own the place," she replied with a dismissive wave of her hand. "And since I'm my own boss, I can confidently say that I won't get in trouble."

Though his smile wasn't as wide as she remembered, the sweetness and utter thankfulness she saw in it this time around was enough to call it a win. "Thank you... A—and again, I know it's late, I'm sorry for coming in—"

"Nonsense. You're welcome here any time," she reassured him with a smile almost as sweet as his coffee.

Maybe one day Spencer would stop apologizing, but as long as he kept returning to the café, Y/N didn't mind whether he did or not.

DAY 30 

Y/N was feeling rather bold today. Not bold enough to actually ask him out or anything, but bold enough to have his order ready when he came in.

Over time she learned that Spencer's work schedule was pretty random, that he traveled a lot, therefore he probably wouldn't be in every day. But a few days ago, he mentioned he was scheduled for a week off, which rarely happened, and today marked the fifth day of his mini vacation— every single day prior, he stopped in at exactly 9:00am. 

Taking the chance that he would be stopping in a fifth day in a row, Y/N was already making his usual coffee at 8:50.

Beside her, her friend and employee, Heather, snickered, finishing up with a customer and teasing Y/N with an evil grin. "You're so whipped."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she responded quietly, stirring in the mountains of sugar and setting the spoon down beside the cup.

"If you don't ask him out, Y/N, I swear... No way a man like that's gonna stay single forever, you gotta make your move."

"Who says I'm not going to?"

"Oh, so when you hand him his coffee today, you're going to give him your number and not just freeze and chicken out? You know, like you always do?"

She glared at Heather, but it only lasted for a split second before it turned into a look of pure pining and sadness. Pathetic... "Probably not..."

Heather patted Y/N on the shoulder. "It's alright, babe. When he comes in, just be yourself. He obviously likes you, enough to come in every day for your shitty coffee..."

The shit-eating grin on her friend's face was enough to make Y/N laugh again, and she shook her head, then turned back to put the lid on Spencer's cup. "Yeah, yeah... We'll see what happens. But I get what you're saying."

As Heather went off to clean some tables, Y/N wrote out his name on the cup, contemplating whether or not she should put her number next to it. What could be the harm in that, right? It was cute and charming as hell.

Just as she was about to write the first number down the chimes sounded above the door, and as some type of Pavlovian response, Y/N set down the marker and looked up to see if it was him. Instantly she berated herself for being so obvious, but by the look on Spencer's face when he approached, he didn't look phased in the slightest.

"Hey, Sugar," Y/N called out to him, sliding him the coffee and feeling butterflies swarm her stomach at the look on his face when he heard the nickname.

Then she realized she called him by a nickname...

Even though he still smiled and took the coffee, reaching into his pocket for money and clearly not phased in the least by her affectionate nickname for him, it still made her insides flare with a little embarrassment. And if she wasn't nervous about seeing him before, she most certainly was now that he was in front of her, smiling at her and being as kind and charming as ever with few words.

He was going to leave, grabbing the cup and turning, but halfway to the door, he turned back around, and when he spoke it sounded like he was as nervous as she was.

"Oh, um... I'm leaving to visit my mom this weekend, so, I just... Wanted to let you know... You know, so you don't waste your time and resources on my order..."

Though he was obviously looking out for her, Y/N still felt this overwhelming flood of foolishness, like he actually did find it strange that she memorized his order and made it for him so it would be ready on the dot when he got there. She figured, just for a moment, that it was his subtle way of telling her he thought she was taking things to a whole new level of weird.

"O—Oh, sure. Thanks for the heads up. Enjoy your weekend." She gave him her best smile, hoping her insecurity didn't bleed through.

But then he said, "You, too, Y/N," and smiled back, looking at her for a moment that lingered just a little too long before turning away. And before he actually walked out the door, he stopped and looked back at her again, giving a small wave as his face showed all signs of reluctance to leave.

She wasn't sure how long she stared at the empty doorway, but Heather's laugh broke her from the trance.

"You know you have nothing to worry about, right? He's definitely into you."

"You... You think?" she returned softly.

"I know. The next time he comes in, give him your number."

DAY 84

Turns out, Heather was completely wrong.

Y/N hadn't seen Spencer for weeks, and then the next time he came in, there was a girl with him. Y/N tried extra hard not to jump to conclusions— maybe she was just a friend? Or a sibling, or a co-worker... And besides, even if the girl was dating him, it's not like it would have been any of her business, right? She barely knew the guy, and though it hurt to have this stupid crush on him just to find out he had a girlfriend and she'd misread the entire situation, that's all it was. A crush.

A crush that, in the end, well... crushed her.

Because the girl was, in fact, his girlfriend. He didn't really introduce her at first, but the second day they came into the café together, they were holding hands. And the girl, short and pretty and adorning a beautiful mane of long, red hair, clung to his side, giving him the same doe eyes Y/N had been teased by Heather for giving him that day he'd left. Not to mention, when they ordered, the girl called him "Babe".

It was absolutely crushing.

Y/N didn't want to cry, because it was stupid for a grown woman to cry over some dude she barely knew, right? But that didn't stop the tears from welling as soon as said dude and his freaking girlfriend stepped out of the café, leaving her behind with an ache that she hadn't felt in ages.

She and Heather went out drinking that night, and after a few days of wallowing, Y/N promptly decided that Spencer and his stupid, beautiful face and his stupid, beautiful girlfriend could kiss her ass.

Of course, immediately after, she felt bad for thinking so negatively and just settled on staying out of their business.

But it didn't help that they came in almost every day for months. Even when Spencer was at work, therefore absent, his girlfriend was there. Jeannie, her name was. She had a regular order, too, one that Y/N couldn't help but dread making every morning but did anyway, even going so far as to have it ready for her when she came in. And Jeannie was incredibly nice, a fact which Y/N hated because it would have been way easier to deal with if she was awful. At least then, she could have maybe felt better about herself for being a nicer person, but she knew that wasn't fair.

This particular day, though, Spencer came in alone. And despite herself, the first thing Y/N said to him was, "Where's Jeannie?"

Maybe she should have known by the look on his face, but he sighed, returning her question with a simple, "Delaware."

Y/N started to make his usual order, keeping the conversation light even though she was inwardly sighing at he prospect of discussing his girlfriend's whereabouts. "What's she doing there?"

She wasn't looking at him, but the sadness in his voice stopped her in her tracks. "She's there with her husband."

"Uh... What?"

"Turns out she's been engaged for the past five years... They, uh... Took a break to see other people to really see if they wanted to get married, and I guess they... got married. Last week."

"Holy shit. Spencer, I... I don't know what to say, I'm... sorry..."

He didn't say anything, only giving a half-hearted smile that conveyed more sadness than anything. Y/N hated that someone had the audacity to make him feel that way... to use him like that without at the very least telling him her situation first, before getting into a relationship.

She finished his order, but before handing it to him, she reached for a blueberry muffin and wrapped it up. And as he took money out of his pocket, she sook her head and slid his things over across the counter. "Everything's on the house today."

"Y/N, you don't have t—"

"I insist. Jeannie did a stupid thing, and you deserve better than that... You deserve something good. And I know this is small and probably nothing, but I don't care."

A little of the sadness from his smile replaced itself with amusement, and Y/N decided she'd take it. He muttered a small, "Thank you," before grabbing his coffee, but before he took the muffin he looked her dead in the eye and deposited the five dollar bill from his other hand straight into the tip jar.

She sighed and shook her head at him.

But that only widened the smile on his face, most of the sadness gone. In fact, it looked more like a satisfied smirk as he grabbed the muffin and turned to leave.

Despite Spencer's refusal to not pay, Y/N found herself smiling as he left.

DAY 174

Thankfully there were no more girlfriends after that. 

Well, okay, it wasn't fair of Y/N to say that, because if she wanted to take her shot she would have, and she couldn't get mad every time he had a new girlfriend. 

But of course, that didn't mean she couldn't be relieved every time she saw him walk in alone.

This time it was Valentine's Day. The café was decorated with sparkly red garland and pink, red, and white hearts that dangled from the ceiling. All the flowers on the tables were replaced with roses and tealight candles, and currently, almost everyone was rushing to buy the chocolate-covered strawberry arrangements that Y/N made herself. 

She was currently in the back, working on making more when Heather came rushing to the room, calling out her name.

A small panic started to sink in, because if Heather needed more supplies or more of the strawberry arrangements, she would have just sent back a ring of the bell on the doorway to the kitchen. But she almost knocked over said arrangements on her way in, and Y/N was worried that maybe something bad happened.

"Heather, what's wrong?" she asked hurriedly, smearing chocolate all over her apron.

"Nothing's wrong, but your boy is here. He's asking to see you!"

Her heart leapt out of her chest, and suddenly it was like the wind got knocked out of her. "S—Spencer?"

"Yes!" Heather half-squealed, reaching out to pull at Y/N's arm. "Go!"

"Wait! Wait, how... how do I look?"

"Take off the apron, pull down your shirt a little."

"Heather!"

"You asked! If he's here to ask you out, why not give him a little preview? Now c'mon, hand the apron over." She held her hand out, waiting for Y/N to take it off.

She grumbled as she did, suddenly more nervous than she'd ever been. Her hands shook as she untied the apron and threw it over to Heather. She looked down at the deep red v-neck she wore and sighed, pulling it down a little to give a better view of her cleavage. She fluffed her hair out, letting out a huge sigh and then shaking out her hands.

"You're hot, now go!" Heather exclaimed, practically pushing her out of the kitchen and into the bright café main room.

The moment Y/N stepped out, she saw him immediately. And as always, he looked absolutely perfect... In the last few months, he'd let his hair grow out a little, strands of it tucked behind his ear while most of it fell loose atop his head. Currently he was wearing a long coat, though she couldn't tell what was underneath. But she didn't need to know, really, because he could have showed up wearing a garbage bag and she still would have practically drooled at the sight of him.

Swallowing, Y/N made her way over to him with a smile, Heather following behind.

"Hi," she said, hoping her nerves wouldn't show through. "Heather said you asked for me?"

"U—uh, yeah. Hi, um... Sorry if you're busy, I just wanted to... stop by, say Happy Valentine's Day..."

Her heart beat faster than it ever had, and seeing him smile this nervously in her direction made it all the more endearing. "Oh, thank you," she said, giving him a small wave and then wondering why when she could have done literally anything else... Wink? Finger guns?—No, Y/N, what are you thinking? Just keep cool and talk to him like a normal person! "Do you... have any plans?"

Spencer stood still, seemingly starstruck by the question for a few, long, seconds before blinking and slightly shaking his head. "O—Oh, yeah, um... Some friends and I are going out for drinks later, that's all. Should be kinda boring, actually, not really my scene..."

"Oh... Boring's nice, though, sometimes. Personally all the huge Valentine's Day plans are kinda over-the-top anyway." She might as well have been wearing a sign on her forehead that said Lie! Lie! Lie!

He laughed, though, and Y/N's heart sunk. "Yeah, you're right... Um, I'll let you get back to work, then, I just wanted to stop in and say hi." 

"Oh... You don't... want coffee or anything? I—I've got these chocolate-covered strawberry arrangements, too, if you want one. You know, 'cause why not?"

"Oh! Uh, sure. That... That sounds great."

His smile lit her insides on fire, ad she tried desperately not to stumble as she worked her way through the kitchen, making everything. He waited patiently by the side of the counter, trying equally as hard not to keep sneaking glances at her as she worked. Meanwhile the pink post-it note with his phone number in red ink burned in his pocket, his hands shaking as he struggled to think of a scenario in which he wouldn't fumble with it and completely make a fool of himself. Because now that he was there, in her presence, it was a lot harder to pretend like he had the confidence to actually ask her out.

And when she brought his order, she flashed that beautiful smile and he knew immediately that he would never be able to give her the post-it. Whether she knew it or not, she made him nervous, and if he was going  to mess everything up, he certainly wasn't going to do it in a café full of people on Valentine's Day. He'd never recover.

So Spencer accepted the coffee and the small bouquet of fruit, trying his best not to drop it with shaky hands. "Thank you. How much?"

"For you, on the house," Y/N returned. "And please don't just put a 5 in the tip jar. I'm getting really tired of you doing that."

They both laughed, the memories of every time since the last time he'd done it sparking between them like lightning. Almost every time she insisted on giving him his coffee for free, he pulled a 5-dollar bill from his pocket and landed it in the jar, and every time she rolled her eyes at him and told him to get out.

"Well, I have to give you something," Spencer insisted, the paper in his pocket burning even hotter.

Likewise, Y/N felt like she was going to lose her balance again. Was he going to ask her out? Heaven forbid, would he kiss her? "What do you have in mind?"

The deep tone of her voice sent a chill through him, and in that moment it was now or never. So he set the coffee down on the counter and reached into his pocket. Y/N opened her mouth to protest, but he stopped her with a raise of his eyebrows. "It's not what you think. I promise."

Somehow she didn't believe him.

But then he pulled out a hot pink piece of paper and slipped it in the tip jar instead, his eyes never leaving hers. "I really hope you empty the jar at the end of every day, otherwise this is going to be a little embarrassing."

"What... What is it?" she asked softly, though she already had an inkling of the answer.

And then he said something that made her heart soar. "I think you already know."

Sure enough, Y/N looked down and saw numbers written on the sheet of paper through the glass. She smiled, letting it burn heart-shaped holes into her eyes.

Spencer was gone when she looked back up, but the image of him was still seared into her brain.

DAY 366

They hadn't even made it out of the parking lot. And you'd think that after months of dating and going on dates he would have been used to how pretty she looked, but alas, yet again he couldn't wait, and now Spencer and Y/N were laying in the backseat of her car, praying no one had just seen what went down not twenty minutes ago.

"You know what, I think that has to be a record," she laughed, combing through his damp hair with her fingers. "I didn't even have my seatbelt on yet."

He laughed with her. "You know I'm impatient..."

"Yeah, and I also know that we're certainly not going to make those dinner reservations you worked so hard all month to get. All that hard work, for nothing!"

He scoffed, though the smirk on his face never faltered. "I hardly think it was for nothing... You are definitely something... Besides, I had to, because today is very special."

"Oh, and why's that?"

"Well... I don't know if you know this, but you and I met exactly one year ago today. And I've never been the same since."

Y/N looked up at him, eyes wide. "Has... Has it really been that long already?"

"Mhm... And it only seems like it hasn't been that long because we've only been technically dating for 192 days... But I wanted to celebrate anyway. Because no matter how long we've been dating, I've actually been enamored by you for 366 days. And counting."

Warmth flooded through her veins as she hugged him tighter to her, pressing a kiss to his jaw before nuzzling into his neck. "Oh, Sugar... I love you."

Spencer smiled fondly at the nickname, thinking back to all the times he'd watched her pour a shit-ton of sugar into his coffee at her cute little café— the one he'd only ever stumbled on by accident because he was running late for work and needed a quick fix of caffeine. Turns out it had been the best accident he'd ever stumbled into.

"I love you, too, Y/N."

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @elldell1204 @muffin-cup @calm-and-doctor @slutforthegubes @rainsong01 @yourmisosoup @liveloudwriteloud @reidsconverse @la-vie-en-amour1 @edgycowboy666 @averyhotchner @centiaaa @lizziechaseee @coffeeandendlesswords @usuck @spenxerslut @g0lden-cth

TAGS NOT WORKING: @emilyprentisslittlewhore @takeyourleap-of-faith

If you would like to be added to the taglist, feel free to message me or leave a comment, and I’ll add you!

[lovesanmotion]

Light - Jeong Yunho

summary: cool uncle by day but mafia boss at night, jeong yunho is ready for anything; except for falling in love.

tags: @couchpotatoaniki (yes i am tagging you bcs you blossomed this idea to me hihi)

A deep sigh left Yunho's lips, lighting up his cigarette and sticking it between his lips before releasing pearly white smoke. His once neat suit was now covered in sweat, dust and a trickle of blood from earlier events, singlehandedly killing a mafia group from the neighboring city. He lifted his wrist watch and checked the time - 10:01pm. Sandwiched between his middle and index finger, Yunho raises his cigearette stick onto his lips and puffed out a smoke.

His once cool composure broke when around the corner, the slim but curvy figure of his neighbor - y/n y/l/n came into view. She had her head hung low, shoulders drooping down and walking gloomily home. But Yunho stared at her. Around y/n, he felt like a high school boy who has a crush on her. He didn't also missed the fact that it was too late for y/n to go home. Work hours ends at 5-6pm, but 10? Yunho wondered if you took an overtime.

As y/n passed him by, he couldn't help but smile to himself. Feeling his face heating up. Getting up from the bench, he dropped his stick and stepped on it before following you home. With his hands tucked inside his pockets, Yunho wondered why you ever chose to live in a dangerous city like this. Was it because the rent's cheaper? Or to live close to your office?

He stopped his tracks and hid behind a pole, watching you get inside your home building safely. Watching you get home safely is what Yunho's been doing ever since you moved into the area and with a smile on his face, Yunho walks back home.

As the sun sets into the blue sky, Yunho packs up a lot of candies in his pocket before leaving his home and strolling to the neighborhood park. Clad in a bright red and white striped shirt and pants a bright smile on his face, Yunho would never be mistaken as someone who killed a group of guys last night. The cool breeze swept past him, causing his bangs to fly away.

As he found the children playing merrily and happily in the park, his heart swelled with an overwhelming feeling. How he wished these children would grow up into kind and humble adults. When the children saw him coming up to them, a chorus of "uncle Yunho!" greeted him, followed by all of them running up to him for a hug, some even hugging his legs.

Sitting down on the wooden bench, he gave each child a piece of candy and chocolate. Their little smiles upon tasting the fruity and sweet treats brought a smile on his lips too. However, Yunho mentally did a head count on the children.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. One was missing, and the one missing happened to be his favorite. He was about to open his mouth and ask them where y/s/n when a small but cheerful "uncle Yunho!" greeted him from behind. Turning around, his eye's widened.

His neighborhood crush, holding an ice cream cone with one hand and the other holding hands with his favorite child from the playground.

"Mommy this is uncle Yunho! He's the one who always watches us and gives us candy when we play here!" A deep shade of red plastered on Yunho's cheeks. Slowly he turned away and sunk a bit lower on his seat, feeling himself getting shy. But he was a little surprised to know that y/n has a son.

Yunho watched as y/s/n joined the other kids in the slide and on his left side became occupied by you.

"Doesn't it get a little sad when you watch them slowly grow up? One day they are only crying for attention and the next thing you know you walk with them to preschool." Y/N spoke, taking a lick on the vanilla cone.

"Do you have kids at home?" Yunho shook his head. But he would very much like to have one with y/n.

"I'm y/n by the way!" He looked at the hand extended out for him to shake before looking at your smile. Yunho's heart beated loudly inside his chest, not missing the sight of the ice cream on the corner of your lip. He slowly leaned in and raised his hand, wiping the cream away with his thumb.

"Nice to meet you, y/n. I'm Yunho." He smiled at you, seeing that pink tint across your cheeks. Yunho thanked the gods that this might be the chance for him to properly talk to y/n. He turned to his side and striked up a conversation with you, slightly getting distracted with the way how you lick your ice cream.

"Uh..hello? Earth to Yunho?" Yunho snapped out of his trance and shook his head, batting his eyelashes. Yunho stared at you. "What was that again?"

"I was asking you earlier if you wanted to have lunch with me and y/s/n. Think of it as a thank you for watching over my son." Turning his head, he saw the children leave one by one until it was your son left sitting in the swing.

"I-I would love to!" He blurted out, maybe a little too loud. Yunho suddenly backed away, suddenly feeling shy but he only found y/n chuckling at him.

"That was cute. Anyways, let's me show you where I live." As Y/N got up, so did he. He took the pleasure of carrying y/s/n in his arms as he followed you to your place, he had to pretend he didn't know where you lived. How was he going to explain that he has been following you for months already?

"Welcome to our place!" Spoke Y/N in a cheerful tone. The place didn't look half bad. As he sets y/s/n down and removes his shoes by the doorway, he took in the appearance of your place. It isn't big nor small, perfect for two people living, light wooden floors, cream colored walls, yellow and green cupboards and a mini bookshelf thats occupied by books about numbers, letters, alphabets and story books.

"This is a nice place you've got" Yunho says, sitting down on the couch only to be sunk lower as he didn't noticed how the couch was small.

"I guess I was lucky to find this one. More greenery in the province than just seeing buildings in the city." Y/N spoke, Yunho watched her enter the kitchen. He got up and excitedly followed her like a high school boy following his crush around school.

"What are you going to make there?" He asks as he stood behind Y/N making her jump a little. Yunho didn't realized how close he has gotten to her, but he felt like his heart would burst at how small she is close to him.

"Does pasta sound nice?" Y/N tilted her head to the side. If only his mornings were spent this close to y/n, Yunho would be in heaven already.

As Yunho was about to say something, in came little y/s/n holding his school bag.

"Mommy, can you help me with my homework?"

Two heads snapped to look at y/s/n who stood by the doorway of the kitchen.

"Your mom would love to!" Yunho smiled at y/s/n, held y/n by her shoulders and pushed her out of the kitchen despite her many protests against it. Yunho opened the fridge to check what ingredients were available, he grabbed whatever he needed and placed them on the counter and started cooking.

It was only like last night, he was using the very same knife to slice throats and now he's slicing meat with the same knife. But Yunho was only occupied by the merry thought of cooking for his crush.

After half an hour passed, Yunho beautifully plated three pasta bowls on the table. He gave himself a pat in the back for doing an excellent job and was about to call y/n and y/s/n to eat when he heard some talking.

"Mommy do you like uncle Yunho?" A small voice, y/s/n, as Yunho thought. His heart raced upon hearing this kind of conversation. There was a moment of silence, Yunho was fidgeting to know your answer.

"Mommy can uncle Yunho be my dad?" Yunho clutched his chest dramatically, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye. But there it was again, that silence.

"Let's see, y/s/n. Want to see uncle Yunho if he's done?"

Yunho started to get up from his spot but hit his knee in the process, an inaudible sound came out of his mouth and suddenly the door swung open. Y/N and Y/S/N stared at him with a blank yet confused looks on their faces.

"Uh..lunch is ready!" Yunho smiled and instantly stood up from the ground. As he lead them to the kitchen, he was proud to see their expressions and sat down, paying attention to y/n's reaction before eating.

"So what do you do, Yunho?" Y/N asked while twirling pasta with her fork.

Yunho racked up his brain to think of what should he say. But he choked up in between.

"I'm unemployed at the moment" He says. There was no way he is ever going to tell that he kills people, raids warehouses and factories and regulates drug deals within in and out of the country. "What about you? What do you do for a living?" Yunho gulped the food down his throat before facing you.

"I, uh...I just work at, at a very boring corporate office. They don't pay much."

"Is that why you do overtime and get home late at night?"

"What?"

"What?"

Yunho stared at y/n wide eyed. That was wrong of him suddenly mentioning it to you. He shook his head and carried on the conversation by changing the topic.

For the whole afternoon, Yunho stayed with Y/N and Y/S/N, watching kids movies while having a snack. Y/S/N falling asleep in the middle of the movie. Yunho took the pleasure of letting y/s/n sleep on his chest, he could get used to being a househusband. With the sun setting, Yunho thought it was best for him to go home. But was stopped by y/n to join them for dinner. On the outside, Yunho thanked you. But on the inside, Yunho was giggling.

He cooked once more in the kitchen, clogging out y/n's protests. Dinner became a happy meal as all three of them became full. While y/n was cleaning up in the kitchen, Yunho asked permission if he could take y/s/n out for a walk, promising he'd be home by 8pm.

Yunho took y/s/n to the convenient store, handing him a whole bar of chocolate in his small hands. But the little boy stared at him.

"But mommy says I can't have too much sweets" the small boy pouted.

"But your mom isn't here right? This'll be our little secret. You and me." Yunho grinned at the small boy who flashed a toothy smile in front of him.

"Uncle Yunho do you like my mommy?"

"Very much." Yunho suddenly stopped as he looked back at the child with him, now grinning at him.

"Okay, that's another secret between us. Don't tell your mommy about that too okay?" The small boy nodded his head quickly, Yunho held his hand and walked back home with him. Unaware of two eyes following them as they head back.

(gif is not mine! credits to the rightful owner!)

[kcarreras]

Best Friends & Bad Ideas

Fandom: Outer Banks Pairing: JJ Maybank and Kiara Carrera Summary: Set about a week after the pogues arrive on the island, with flashbacks to a special childhood memory, a game of truth or dare, an almost kiss and a stick and poke tattoo…

They had only been on the island for about a week, but the Pogues had quickly fallen into a semi-normal routine.

Each morning, they’d wake up under the cover of their make-shift shelter, which JJ was very proud of - despite the holes in the roof and it’s tendency to blow over completely whenever the wind picked up.

The boys would usually get up first and head further inland from the beach to scavenge around for some fruit for breakfast, while the girls went for a dip in the ocean to clean up and cool off.

On this particular day, they were waist deep in the water in just their underwear, their clothes discarded in messy piles across the sandy shore, when Kie let out a shriek and started splashing her way back to land.

“Oh my god! Shit! What was that?!” she squealed, jumping around from foot to foot, now only ankle deep in the surf.

“Oh my god, Kie! What is it?!” Sarah called, rushing up to the shore behind her, Cleo close behind.

“Girl, what?!” Cleo chimed in when Kie didn’t answer, her back now facing Sarah with her knife drawn, eyes darting across the water around them.

“Something touched me! I felt it - on my back - can you check?” Kie said to Sarah, spinning around until her back was to the blonde.

“It was probably just a fish, no big deal,” Cleo said, still pacing around in the water, one hand splashing in front of her as she moved, the other gripping her blade readily in case anything appeared.

“Well it didn’t feel like just a fish,” Kie pouted, a little embarrassed by her own outburst. She had spent her whole life in the water and had encountered all sorts, so she wasn’t easily frightened or grossed out - she guessed her nerves were just still a little on edge from everything.

“Coast is clear, I don’t see nothing,” Cleo assured them, joining them in the shallower water and tossing the knife to land on top of her clothes.

Sarah’s hands were still skimming along Kie’s back, pushing her long, dark hair over her shoulder for a clearer view as she looked for any sign of the mystery sea creature on her friends skin.

“I think you’re good, I don’t see anyth-, wait a minute… Kiara Carrera! What the hell is that?” Sarah exclaimed excitedly, and Kie burled around in circles as if it would help her see her own back.

“What? What is it? Sarah! Get it off!” Kie squealed, her hands swiping at her own body in an attempt to get rid of whatever was apparently there.

“Is that… a tattoo?” Cleo asked from behind Sarah, pushing up on her tiptoes to see over Sarah’s shoulder.

“Shit,” Kie breathed, realisation washing over her as she let her head fall back in relief.

“What is it supposed to be? Is it a-” Sarah began, tilting her head, squinting her eyes and running her finger tips over the messy splotch of black and blue ink high on Kie’s ribcage, most of it concealed under the material of her bikini top - which is probably why Sarah had never noticed it before.

“Dolphin..?” Cleo suggested.

“Yes, now if you don’t mind…” Kie replied, swatting Sarah’s hand away.

“So where’d you get it?” Sarah asked as the three of them made their way out of the surf and onto the dry sand.

Kie stopped to pull her hair over her shoulder and wring the water out before asking, “What?”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “The tattoo, obviously. Where’d you get it? I know for a fact there’s no one on the south side dealing out tattoos to underagers.”

“And how would you know what happens on the south side, Princess?” Kie responded teasingly with a smile, and Sarah shoved her gently as she passed her on her way to her pile of clothes, knocking Kie slightly off balance.

“Because I’ve been trying to get one since I was 15, and I couldn’t exactly ask anyone on my side of the island. Not without my dad -” ‘finding out’, she had been going to say, but she caught herself. “So where’d you get it?”

“If you must know, JJ gave it to me,” Kie replied, trying to sound nonchalant as she stepped back into her green trousers, fastening them at her waist and rolling them up around her ankles.

“Hmm,” Cleo hummed in approval. “Pretty boy’s got some skills, huh?” she said with a smile and a raise of her eyebrows in Kie’s direction.

“I’m sorry,” Sarah interjected, holding a hand up to Kie with a disbelieving shake of her head. “You’re telling me that you let JJ Maybank within 5 feet of you with a tattoo gun?” She was trying to sound outraged, but it came out more amused.

“No, actually. He doesn’t have a tattoo gun, he did it with a needle. That’s why the line work is so messy and the colour is all over the place.” Kie corrected, and she found herself running her fingers across it, a sense of affection filling her chest at the memory. She lifted her gaze from it after a few seconds to meet Sarah’s questioning look.

“Ok, well, that and he was high off his ass,” Kie said, and all three girls laughed.

“No shit,” Cleo said, sounding impressed as she shimmied back into her trousers.

“You must have been pretty wasted too, to agree to that,” Sarah continued to question, pulling on her trousers and dropping down to sit cross legged in the sand. Cleo and Kie followed suit a few seconds later, forming a little triangle.

“It was some time at the start of last year. I was just back from my stint at the Kook Academy,” Kie began, and Sarah gave her a soft yet sad smile at the reference to their time together. “Big John hadn’t been missing that long, and John B was still pretty out of it. JJ and I had gone over to the Chateau to check in on him, but he’d been drinking like, all day, so he was already wasted by the time we got there. He lasted maybe an hour before he passed out, but we didn’t wanna leave him. So JJ put him to bed, and then we went and hung out on the hammock.”

Sarah pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on them with a captivated look on her face.  “The hammock, huh?” she asked coyly, but Cleo interrupted before Kie could respond.

“Hold up, who is this ‘Big John’?” she asked, looking back and forth between Sarah and Kie, confused.

“John B’s dad. It’s kind of a long story,” Kie replied.

“Shit, we really need to catch you up,” Sarah said, knocking her shoulder into Cleo’s affectionately.

“Anyway,” Kie continued. “We were drinking beer, and of course JJ had a stash, and we just decided to light up. We figured we’d pass the time by playing a game of truth or dare, which is never a good idea when JJ’s high, and the next thing I know he’s tattooing a dolphin on my ribs,” Kie finished with a shrug.

“That’s a pretty extreme dare for a chill night at the chateau,” Sarah commented, sensing there was more to the story than Kie was letting on.

“Well… that wasn’t exactly the dare. It was a forfeit for not completing a dare,” Kie clarified and Sarah’s interest peaked again.

“So what was the dare?” Cleo asked, clearly as invested in the story as Sarah, both leaning forward into Kie, who was starting to look a little flushed.

“It doesn’t matter, it was stupid.” Kie said, with a shake of her head as she tried to avert her gaze.

“Ki-eee,” Sarah sing-songed, flicking some sand at her. “Full disclosure, just us girls.”

Sarah stretched her arm out into the middle of the little triangle they had formed, her pinky extended. She looked to Cleo, gesturing for her to copy, which she did, then she looked at Kie pleadingly.

“Kie, we are literally stranded on a deserted island with nothing to do, and this might be the most interesting thing I’ve heard in days. C’mon,” Sarah pleaded.

Kie sighed, lifting her arm and the three of them linked pinkies awkwardly, shaking them with a laugh.

“Fine,” Kie sighed, and Sarah clapped - silently but excitedly.

“He dared me to kiss him,” Kie practically mumbled, her head falling forwards into her hands.

“I knew it!” Sarah screamed, jumping up to her feet.

Kie shot her a glare that should have struck her down dead. “That’s great, Sarah, really. Way to be subtle,” Kie reprimanded, reaching up to grab Sarah’s wrist and pulling her back down onto the sand with a thud. Her eyes darted around for any sign of the boys, but they seemed to be in the clear.

“Sorry!” Sarah apologised, still too loudly and Kie emphasised the glare, and Sarah clamped her hand over her mouth, before she spoke again in a lower tone. “Sorry, it’s just - I knew it. I knew he liked you like that.”

“Okay, first of all, no he doesn’t. Second of all, no he doesn’t.” Kie protested.

“Come on, Kiara. You’re not blind, and neither are the rest of us. Cleo, back me up here.” Sarah said, turning to Cleo.

“For sure. Pretty boy’s got it bad for you, girl.” Cleo confirmed.

Kie felt her heart quicken, a warmth rising in her cheeks and an unsettling feeling low in her stomach.

“This is so stupid. I’m not having this conversation,” Kie said after a few seconds, suddenly looking and sounding annoyed. She got to her feet, dusting the sand off and started to walk away from them.

“Kie, come on! It’s not a big deal!” Sarah called, getting to her feet.

“We’re gonna have to talk about it eventually, it might as well be now!” Sarah tried again, and Kie stilled, her back still facing the two other girls.

She let out a huff of air, cursing under her breath as she ran a hand through her hair and then turned around to face them.

“Look, there’s nothing to talk about. It was a long time ago. He was high, I was high, and it was dumb. It didn’t mean anything, okay?”

“So why didn’t you do it?” Sarah asked.

“What?” Kie asked, exasperated with a throw of her hands.

“If it was so meaningless, why didn’t you just kiss him?” Sarah pushed.

“Are you on crack, or have you just been sitting in the sun too long?” Kie scolded. “He’s one of my best friends,”

“It’s a simple question.” Sarah persisted.

“And it’s a simple answer. I didn’t want to, okay?” Kie all but snapped.

“Didn’t want to kiss him, like… at all? Or didn’t want to kiss him as part of a dare, when you were both high?”

Kie spluttered incoherently for a second.

“Both,” she finally settled on, hoping it was ambiguous enough.

“Bullshit.” Sarah stated, crossing her arms across her chest.

Cleo took a step back, looking on, fascinated and kind of amused by the whole thing, blade swinging absentmindedly from her fingertips as her eyes shifted from girl to girl as they spoke.

“Excuse me?” Kie countered.

“I said that’s bullshit, Kie. Let’s look at the facts objectively. JJ’s hot,” Sarah began, and both girls’ heads spun to shoot her a surprised look.

“I said objectively, relax.” Sarah clarified with a roll of her eyes, and Cleo nodded in agreement after a quick second of contemplation, which surprisingly to Kie caused a little flutter of jealousy in the pit of her stomach.

“As I was saying, you’re both… attractive people” Sarah carried on, choosing her words more carefully, “and you’ve been best friends forever. You drink together, get high together - you sleep on the pullout at the chateau together. He’s always checking you out, you’re always defending him - and don’t get me started on how you two are always pairing off for every little mission or adventure.”

Kie shrugged, feigning ignorance as to what Sarah’s point was.

“So?” Kie asked, mostly to fill the silence that crept in as Sarah looked at her expectantly.

“So, you’re telling me that you’ve never once thought about kissing him? That idea has never crossed your mind? Ever?” Sarah questioned, crossing her arms dramatically as if to emphasise her point, and Kie felt as though all the blood in her body had rushed to her head.

“No,” was all she could think to counter with, and it sounded so feeble coming out of her mouth that she didn’t even believe herself.

“I don’t believe you,” Sarah said, unsurprisingly.

“Look, it’s not as simple as ‘who wants to kiss who’, okay? There are rules - no pogue on pogue macking, for starters.”

“Okay, except no one has ever listened to that rule, ever.” Sarah replied.

“You know what, Sarah-” Kie began, a little irritated that her friend wouldn’t just let it go, but she was interrupted by the sound of the boys’ laughter as they emerged from the treeline further along the beach.

John B spotted them first, and triumphantly held up a handful of what looked like mangos into the air.

“You guys comin’ or what?” JJ called to them from behind John B, gesturing with his head for them to follow them back along to the camp.

“We are so not done talking about this,” Sarah whispered to Kie as she stepped past her and headed along the beach towards the boys. Cleo followed, winking at Kie with a knowing smile as she passed her.

Kie stood where she was for a second, her mind racing before she was brought back by his voice.

“Yo, Kie! You better get your ass over here or I’m gonna take your share,” he called to her jokingly, and she composed herself quickly before turning and heading towards him.

“You don’t even like mango, dumbass,” she laughed as she approached him and he tossed one in her direction, which she caught with ease, and he shot her an impressed look. “They make your throat itch.”

“Hey, I’m so hungry out here I’d eat you if I had too, Carrera,” he said jokingly, and she dug him in the ribs as they walked side by side up the beach behind the others.

“How the tables have turned, Maybank. A couple days ago you were thanking me for literally saving your life, and now you’re threatening to cook me over a campfire?”

“I’m just messin’. Besides, there’s not enough meat on your bones, I’d definitely start with John B first,” he said, shooting her a quick grin and she laughed as John B turned and launched a mango at JJ, hitting him right in the gut.

“I heard that, jackass!” John B hollered.

“Oh, you’ve done it now, bro,” JJ warned with a laugh, taking off up the beach after John B who was running as JJ lobbed fruit at him. Kie heard Pope mutter an exasperated “Here we go again,” somewhere in the background as she smiled after them.

***

As Kie lay on her side next to JJ that night under the shelter, eyes wandering across his features in the dark, she couldn’t stop her mind from wandering to the night he’d given her that stupid tattoo…

They had been lying head to toe in the hammock as it swung softly side to side, passing a joint back and forth, a beer each in their free hand. It was quiet out, just the gentle hum and buzz of cicadas and skeeters around them in the distance.

“My turn,” JJ proclaimed, taking the joint from her outstretched hand and drawing on it until his lungs burned pleasantly.

“Oh god,” Kie groaned, throwing her forearm across her eyes dramatically in preparation for whatever was about to come of his mouth.

“Hey, this was your bright idea,” he reminded her and she groaned, leaning forward to take the joint back from him.

“Yeah? Well clearly I forgot who I was playing with. I blame the weed and the beer,” she sighed, taking the final draw. Her eyes were closed as she held the hit, before slowly releasing the smoke and stubbing the rest out against the tree behind her. She let it drop to the ground, then poured some beer on it to make sure it was out, and JJ objected with a gentle kick of his foot into her side at the waste of good beer.

“What? I don’t wanna be responsible for a wildfire wiping out the whole of the south side. This is a protected habitat, y’know.” Kie defended, nudging him back.

He shrugged, “Fair enough. Now stop deflecting,” he said, and Kie raised a brow, impressed with his word choice. JJ smiled, winking at her in the dark, happy that he’d managed to impress her by a) knowing the word in the first place, and b) using it correctly in a sentence.

“My turn,” he repeated, and Kie sighed, gesturing with her hand for him to continue. He grinned wide and bright, eyes glassy from the weed, lips rosy from the beer. He sat up, and as he shifted on the hammock, Kie’s legs rearranged themselves until they rested across his lap.

“Hmm, let me think about this one,” he hummed, and Kie rested her head back against the hammock as his fingers began to drum gently across the bare skin of her leg as he concentrated.

She wasn’t sure if it was her buzz or his touch or - most likely - a combination of both, but her skin prickled with goosebumps as his fingers grazed her thigh, and he looked down at her.

“Are you cold?” he asked, misinterpreting her body’s reaction, but she went along with it, crossing her arms and rubbing her hands up and down them.

“Kinda,” she replied, and then it occurred to her that it was nearly 1am and she was sitting outside, bare foot, in a pair of denim shorts and a bikini top. JJ was wearing his usual dark tank, but with a well-worn plaid shirt hanging open over it. He tugged the shirt off, in a rather uncoordinated yet typical JJ fashion, and tossed it at her so it landed on her head, partially covering her face.

She laughed, sitting up as she pulled it off her head. She pulled her legs back to cross them in front of her, suddenly missing the contact of his skin on hers, as she put the shirt on. It was far too big for her petite frame, and one shoulder kept slipping down, but it was warm from his body heat and it smelt like him, so she pulled it closer to her and didn’t complain.

“Thanks, I think,” she said sarcastically, desperately trying to avoid her gaze landing on his strong-looking looking shoulders and arms which had previously been concealed by the shirt.

“Anything for you, Kie,” he said with a wink, but it sounded more sincere than he probably intended.

“Well in that case,” she drawled, leaning forward, and his expression shifted to something unreadable for second, until she reached up and swiped his red cap from his head and put it on with a laugh.

“Really? My favourite cap?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“You said, anything, right?” she teased, knowing how much he loved that stupid cap.

“I guess I better choose my words more carefully next time,” he replied, but he made no move to take it back. He just smiled at her affectionately, the sight of her in his clothes causing an all-too familiar swelling in his chest.

“Just, tilt it up a bit,” he said, pausing briefly before adding, “I can’t see your face.”

Kie felt her heart clench a little.

She did as he asked, tilting the cap back until he smiled wide and said, “Much better,”

She felt her cheeks begin to flush under the intensity of his gaze, and she cleared her throat softly before speaking.

“Right, c’mon, Jay. We don’t have all night. What’s my dare?” she asked, leaning over to place his cap back on his head backwards.

He sat up straighter, adjusting the cap, and they were practically face to face in the middle of the hammock, very little space between them. Her legs that were still crossed in front of her were pressing against the length of his leg bent in front of him, as he sat with the other hanging off the side of the hammock, his boot skimming the grass beneath.

Her head was buzzing from the proximity and she took a swig of her beer as an excuse to divert her gaze from his, and also to wet her mouth which now felt dry with anticipation.

She gulped it down, finishing the can and tossing it into the garbage bag beside the tree as she licked her lips, causing JJ’s eyes to drop to her mouth.

His hands found hers, which were resting in her lap but brushing his leg, and he began fidgeting with her bracelets. He noticed one, a thinly woven aqua-coloured bracelet tied loosely around her wrist, a small silver dolphin charm dangling from it, and he smiled.

“You kept this?” he asked, smiling and lifting his eyes from her wrist to her eyes, which were dark and glassy and kinda blown.

“Of course I did,” she replied, “I wanted a reminder of the day I beat you at everything.” Kie’s face broke into a wide, teasing smile and he scoffed, sitting back.

“Hey, not everything!” he protested, and Kie laughed.

****

One Summer, when they were 11 or 12, a travelling fairground came to Kildare and, of course, the Pogues had been first in line. They rode dodgems, shot hoops, messed around on the dance machines and sprayed targets with water guns to win prizes. JJ and Kie had always been the most competitive, even as kids, and so they had turned it into a tournament of sorts - no real prize, except eternal bragging rights. John B and Pope were quite happy just to play for fun. Kie had beaten JJ at every single game, winning prizes left and right and by the end of the day, she had streams of tokens and multiple oversized stuffed animals that they boys were helping her carry.

As they were leaving, JJ spotted a stall they hadn’t played yet, and dragged Kie over, challenging her to one last game. This time, he won - or rather, Kie let him win, but she’d never admit it - and she swore she had never seen him so excited as he jumped around on the spot, fists shooting up into the air as he hollered over to John B and Pope to inform them of his victory.

Despite her competitive streak, Kie couldn’t stop herself from letting him have the win - even as a kid she’d noticed how he didn’t smile or laugh quite as often as the others around them, so when he did it made her heart swell a little.

They ran off together to the counter to claim his prize and as they stood in line, Kie peered up at the counter containing the prizes. Her eyes landed on a bracelet, colourful and delicate with a tiny dolphin charm - at the time her favourite animal. She didn’t say anything, but JJ noticed her looking.

“What are you gonna get?” she asked excitedly, tugging on his sleeve and pointing out loads of things she thought he’d like.

He shrugged, eyes scanning the counter and she left him to it, wandering off nearby to watch the man at the food truck wrap up a massive swirl of bright pink candy floss.

A few minutes later, she heard JJ call her name and she went running after him.

“What’d you get?” she asked excitedly as she caught up to him, and he told her to close her eyes and put out her hand. She seemed confused, but complied anyway, and soon she felt something tie around her wrist. She heard him let out a deep breath as he stepped back from her, and she peeked an eye open, looking down to see the bracelet hanging around her wrist.

Her gaze shot up to him, smile wide and eyes bright, and without giving it a second thought, she stepped forward, pushing up onto her toes and kissing him on the cheek. He blushed a little, dropping his head and burying his hands in his pockets.

“Thanks, Jay. I love it,” she said, playing with it around her wrist and he nodded before they headed back to John B and Pope.

****

“I’m sorry, you’re right. You did win one,” she teased, waving her wrist in his direction, the charm tinkling softly against the others on her wrist.

“I can’t believe you still have that piece of crap,” he laughed, and she pulled her wrist back harshly.

“Hey! This ‘piece of crap’ happens to be one of my most prized possessions,” Kie said, twiddling with it.

“Why?” he asked, seemingly bewildered as he chugged the last of his can and lobbed it towards the garbage bag, just missing it.

“Because…” she began, and then realised she had to think carefully about her answer, the beer and weed making her a little too loose-lipped and uninhibited.

“You were just really sweet to me that day, and it’s a nice reminder.” Kie replied, but it still sounded a little heavier than she’d have liked, so she added: “Y’know, for days when you’re a real pain in my ass and I question why we’re still friends.”

“Ha ha,” he fake-laughed with a roll of his eyes. “I just don’t remember ever noticing it before, that’s all.”

“I don’t wear it all the time, in case I lose it in the water or it gets ruined or whatever. But I felt like wearing it today.” Kie said with a shrug, and JJ nodded, an endearing look on his face.

“Plus, it’s a cute colour. Anyway, can we get back to this dare? I wanna get it over with,” Kie said, changing the subject.

Straight away JJ said, “I dare you to kiss me,” and Kie laughed, high and short, in disbelief.

“I’m sorry,” she began, shaking her head as if she had water in her ears. “That sounded a lot like you just dared me to kiss you.”

“So what if I did?” he said, his eyes glassy and intense and his pupils blown. His hands were still tangled with hers in her lap, their faces close enough that she could feel his warm breath on her skin as he spoke. They both knew he’d never be forward enough to come out and say that when he was sober - clearly the mix of the weed and the booze had instilled a increased level of confidence in him.

Kie decided to play at him at his own game, a similar feeling of dangerous confidence simmering in her chest.

“You don’t think I’ll do it?” she asked, barely above a whisper, eyes locked on his.

“Oh, I know you won’t,” JJ replied, mirroring her tone, a smile gracing his eyes as well as his lips.

Her gaze went from his eyes to his mouth and her breath caught in her throat.

She found herself leaning into him subconsciously as her mind wondered what it would be like to kiss him - to do the one thing they hadn’t already done together.

Her hands found his forearms, which were resting on her thighs. She slid her hands up over the length of his strong arms, a nervous but excited pit building in stomach, and onto his shoulders. His hands grazed up her thighs gently to settle on her hips, taking hold and pulling her close as she used her grip on his shoulders to do the same. JJ’s head fell forward, resting his forehead against hers, hands travelling under his shirt she was wearing and onto the warm, bare skin of her back.

Her mouth was hovering over his now, her bottom lip between her teeth as her eyes fell closed. Her fists knotted in the material of his tank, pulling herself up onto her knees and placing one either side of his hips. She felt him breathe in sharply against her mouth, and her head was spinning, her insides fluttering with an overwhelming sense of need. She felt him adjust the angle of his face against hers, his faint stubble scratching pleasantly against her skin, lips barely brushing as his fingers pressed into her waist.

But just as she was sure their lips were about to meet, she pulled back slightly, placing a finger over his lips, foreheads still touching.

“Forfeit,” she said.

It took a moment for JJ’s eyes to open, and she sat back, trying to catch her breath as a look of confusion, then surprise passed across JJ’s features. He let out a breathy chuckle, leaning back in the hammock to rest his head against it as he ran a hand through his dishevelled blonde hair, eyes closed briefly.

“I knew it,” he said, staring her down with an amused smile. “I knew you didn’t have it in you, Kie.”

“Don’t be an ass, Jay. If I hadn’t stopped it, you would have.” Kie replied, playfully kicking at him. “It was a dumb idea. We’re high as shit and we would have regretted it tomorrow.”

“I think you’re giving me entirely too much credit here.” JJ said with a humourless chuckle. “I wasn’t about to stop anything that was goin’ on there.”

Kie rolled her eyes, a flutter returning to her stomach.

“But you’re right,” he said with a defeated sigh, dragging his hands down his face until they came to rest on his chest. “It would’ve been fun while it lasted though.”

“JJ,” Kie reprimanded, kicking at him again, a little harder this time.

“Okay, okay, jeez,” he surrendered, swinging himself out the hammock and onto his feet.

“Let’s go,” he said, gesturing with his head to the Chateau.

“Where?” Kie asked, getting to her feet rather ungracefully.

“Inside. I’m gonna give you a tattoo,” he said with his signature JJ grin.

“Immediately, no. Nuh-huh. No way,” she said, shaking her head and crossing her arms.

“Oh c’mon, Kie. Rules are rules. You pass on the dare, I get to choose your forfeit, and this is what I chose.” he jeered, and Kie could confirm he was 100% still high, and relief set in that she hadn’t gone through with the dare - regardless of how much she had wanted to in the moment. The fact that she was even entertaining the idea of letting him tattoo her was evidence that she was also still too high to be making sound decisions.

“What kinda tattoo are we talking about here?” she asked, and JJ immediately went to speak, but she threw a hand up and clamped it firmly over his mouth. “And I swear to God if you say your face on my ass, I will drag you off this dock, into the water and drown you with my bare hands,” she said in an obnoxiously sweet tone that entirely did not match her threatening words. She gave a throw of her head in the direction of the dock as she dropped her hand from his mouth just to emphasise her point.

“Well clearly that’s not the first time you’ve thought about doing that.” JJ replied, sounding unnerved. “That’s a little concerning…”

“Nope,” she said, popping the ‘p’. “And somehow I doubt it’ll be the last, either.”

The back and forth continued, until they agreed upon a dolphin - inspired by the bracelet - and settled on a spot, on her ribs, just below her boob. JJ was thrilled, but Kie only agreed because it was the only spot where people wouldn’t be able to easily see it, given that she spent so much time in bikinis.

They went inside to JJ’s “work station”, ie. John B’s coffee table, which Kie ensured had been thoroughly disinfected by dousing everything in straight vodka before letting him touch her.

It was painful, sure, but her lingering buzz helped to dull it, as did a few swigs from the vodka bottle. It felt like it took ages to finish, and although it was messy and far from perfect, JJ was so proud of it - “I personally think it has a lot of character”, he boasted - and she kinda loved it, even though she joked about being scarred for life.

When they woke up the next morning, hungover and feeling like shit on the pull out, it made for a welcome distraction from their “almost kiss” scenario, but equally Kie knew for her, it was also going to be a permanent reminder.

[crab-instruments]

Dust in the Wind Part 5 (tbb)

Master <Part 4 Part 6>

Pairing: Hunter x Secret Jedi! Reader (GN)

Rating and warning: General audience, fighting, injury, panic/stress

Words: 2.2k

a/n: Action! We fight some people. Notes at the end. I hope the action is somewhat easy to follow and interesting.

My writing process involves me thinking of fight scenes as I listen to music while I walk, this one is choreographed to Rat A Tat by Fall Out Boy. This is unimportant and uninteresting but is how I get a lot of my ideas.

Surprisingly, this is the longest part of written and I cut it short. Thanks for all the likes and reblogs, y'all. Keeps me going.

Cid had given the Batch a mission to the Outer Rim. Tech had told the squad what planet but you had zoned out. Restarting your life every time something goes south was taking a toll on you and while your new crew was accommodating, it didn’t stop the stress of existing. You had gotten closer with the Batch on the trip to the next mission since it was a bit further out and you had time to get to comfortable. Wrecker and Omega seemed to enjoy your company the most, wanting to play games and share stories with you. Otherwise you helped Tech and Echo around the ship and chatted with them. Down times were spent with Hunter in the cockpit, watching hyperspace.

“Maxis… do you know how to sew?” Wrecker had caught you outside the armory, holding something behind his back.

You blinked, not used to seeing Wrecker so timid. “Uh yeah, I can sew. What do you need?” With a swift movement, he brought a red and black tooka doll between you. One of the arms had a rip in it, showing the stuffing inside.

His eyes looked sad as he said, “Lula got caught on a hook.”

“Ah, that should be easy. I can patch Lula up while you’re on your mission, so she’ll be ready when you get back.”

Wrecker smiled wide and pulled you into a hug. When you separated, he then held Lula out for you to take. As your hand touched the doll, your senses were overwhelmed with a rush of emotions and your head filled with memories that the doll contained. It stunned you for a moment and you had to close your eyes, not having experienced a force echo in a while. Luckily none of the memories were traumatic, just loud since Wrecker had strong emotions.

“Are you okay, Maxis?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, sorry. I was just thinking how cute Lula was,” you said with a smile.

The time between taking Lula from Wrecker and entering the planet’s atmosphere was fuzzy. Your mind was still on experiencing the force echo. Psychometry was a force ability that few Jedi had but most of the time it was a pain. You had to train a lot to get it under control when you were younger and when people found out about it, they wanted to do study you and learn everything about it they could. Since you had left the Jedi life and mostly disconnected with the Force, the echoes had dissipated. Having one suddenly didn’t sit well.

Tech’s voice grounded you back to the present as he alerted everyone he was landing the ship soon. Hunter appeared in the seat across from you, something in his hand. “This mission shouldn’t take very long, just a few hours. Here’s a comm, we will let you know when we are on our way back or if something goes wrong. I know you can’t fly but it would be useful if you could get the ship ready in case we need to leave in a hurry.” You nodded and took the comm. “Will you be okay, Maxis? I did say this would be dangerous. Although it’s unlikely, they could come to scout the Marauder.”

“Oh yeah. I’ll be fine. If anything goes wrong on my end I can let you know as well, though I bet the worst thing is I prick my finger sewing Lula together or shock myself with a live wire.” Hunter’s face softened and he seemed to relax a bit. Your eyes held his until the ship shook when it landed. When he got up, he put his hand on your shoulder for a moment before getting ready to head out.

You watched as they shuffled out of the ship, saying a quiet “be safe, please,” as they disappeared from your view.

The reality of being by yourself seemed to set in, making the Marauder daunting. There was Gonky, at least. Shaking that off, you settled in and got to work fixing up Lula’s arm. You made quick work, almost wishing you had more to work on. Taking apart the ship to make repairs was risky if they needed to leave quickly.

Slumping back in your chair, you held Lula in front of you. “What do you think I should do, Lula? I could go clean the air filter or organize the wires in one of the control panels, even though Tech does a pretty good job at color coding them. A few of the sensors could be looked at but… I’m still a little stumped on… why I got a force echo from you. You are special, I’m sure, but… I guess I could meditate for a bit, see if that helps clear things up.”

You crossed your legs in the chair and put Lula in your lap. Meditating was supposed to be relaxing, but it was harder to find a calm now. It felt empty, in a way. You tried hard though, seeking an answer as to why now.

After a few moments, your eyes shot open. Something was wrong. You gasped for breath the feeling of overwhelming apprehension. Someone was heading toward the ship. Three, maybe four, people and they didn’t feel like your crew. Hunter did say he would alert you when they came back and it hasn’t been that long.

Swiftly, you got to your feet and headed towards the cockpit where the comm was still sitting on a chair. However, you stopped dead in your tracks when you saw a white bucket helmet walk around the front of the ship through the windshield. Troopers. Your heart pounded in your ears and you sank quickly to the floor. The fear of being caught by the Empire was arguably your biggest fear, they hunted Jedi ruthlessly, even hearing about troopers trained to fight Jedi specifically.

A noise came from where the entrance ramp was, they were trying to get on the ship. You remembered that Tech had told you about an escape hatch in the cockpit, so you quietly crawled to it and lifted it up. You did your best to make sure that you were in the clear and dropped down.

“Dank farrik! It’ll be another minute to open the hatch,” one of the troopers exclaimed. It seemed the others were spread out around the area, so making a run for it wasn’t necessarily the smartest decision but taking on four troopers by yourself wasn’t wise either. Close quarters combat was a strength of yours, training to not depend on your lightsaber was a priority for your Master. Long range combat would be more of a struggle, as your shooting accuracy left something to be desired. One of the reasons you ended up leaving the Order was it became less about peace keeping and more about being a soldier, and the senseless death had caught up to you.

You did your best to keep calm. Everything in your body told you to run, escape, survive, but… what about the ship? This was your home now. Hunter… the squad… depended on this ship. If you didn’t do something to protect it, what would happen?

Unfortunately for you, the choice to run or fight was taken from you, when the trooper noticed you crouching by the front of the ship.

“Hey! Foun—” before he could finish his sentence, you rushed him. The trooper had his blaster pulled out when he saw you. You used the element of surprise to go for a disarm, checking his blaster arm with your left, getting your right hand on the opposite side to redirect his hand. The blaster clearing your stomach as you brought your right arm across your body. While sweeping with your right, you used your left to get a grip of his wrist. With this, you were able to free your right hand to strip the blaster from him, squeezing his wrist to force his hand lose and you were able to swipe it out of his grasp. Once the blaster was out of his hand, you pulled his left arm back, hooked your foot behind his right to destabilize him, and then gripped the front of his armor tightly to put as much power as you could into pushing him into the ground, you kneeling next to him. While not quiet strong enough to knock him out, it was enough to stun him for a moment since you used his and your weight against him.

You heard a movement behind the ship, the other troopers had been alerted. Scrambling for the blaster, you switched it to stun and shot twice, knocking out one trooper. The third trooper came from around the front of the ship and shot. You had just enough time to twist your body and dodge a majority of the shot, but it still skinned your left arm, leaving a nice wound for later. Two more shots from you to knock him out.

While your arm screamed in pain, you had one last trooper to deal with. Keeping crouched, you rounded the front of the ship.

“Freeze!” The trooper was right in front of you and you were staring down the barrel. Kark! Slowly, you put your hands up in a half surrender, but in that moment you thought of a plan.

“Catch!” You tossed the blaster towards him and the trooper, confused, went to catch it. You pulled your knife out of your thigh holster and rushed him. Using his now bent knee, you jumped and wrapped your legs around his mid-section, using the boost of the jump to shove him to the ground. You pressed the blade to his neck, ready, but hesitated. You couldn’t follow through, even when your life seemed to depend on it.

No good deed goes unpunished. The trooper pushed you off but you land within arms reach of your fallen blaster and you made quick work of stunning him.

For a moment, you sat there, breathing heavily and you hands shaking. Your pulse raged in your ears and adrenaline rushed through your veins.

Achievement Unlocked: You protected the Havoc Marauder! But now what? And what if… the squad finds out? Something about them knowing you took down the troopers didn’t sit right. The odds were stacked against you, what if they start getting suspicious? What if… What if Hunter gets mad?

Checking the trooper in front of you, you found a pair of handcuffs. More than likely they would all have handcuffs and you could move their bodies away from the ship, effectively disposing of them.

One by one, you dragged the troopers bodies away, putting them in some foliage after handcuffing one arm and the opposite ankle behind their back. Hopefully this would keep them relatively immobilized when they woke up. After moving the last one, you could no longer handle the pain of the blaster shot and headed to the ship.

You looked for the med kit and handled it with shaky hands. After applying the bacta and patching it up, you did your best to hide the wound with your sleeve. You then went to your backpack and grabbed the small notebook and pencil. Something about writing felt better than using a holopad, so this is where you kept your notes for supplies and such. Though it was difficult, you wrote ‘bacta and bandages’ to your supplies list. Hopefully they wouldn’t get mad at you using their supplies but just in case, you would just silently replace it. No one would know.

As everything seemed to wear off, all you wanted to do was crawl into a small area and hide. You found an area between some crates and sank down, willing yourself to melt into the floor. In an effort to calm yourself, you muttered a few bars of the song that had stuck with you.

“♪ Same old song

Just a drop of water in an endless sea

All we do

Crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind

All we are is dust in the wind ♪”

A beep cut into your thoughts. “Maxis, come in, do you read me?” Hearing his voice, you became renewed with a sort of energy. You stood up, walked over to the cockpit once more, and grabbed the comm. “Loud and clear, Hunter.”

“Great, we’re done and on our way back, we had a small set back but no other problems.”

“I’ll start up the ship for you.”

************************************************************************

When Hunter and the squad got close, Hunter sense something was off. He signaled for the group to halt as he went to go investigate. Hearing some slow breathing from a few sources, he approached the bush carefully and paused when he noticed four knocked out troopers tied up chaotically. Tech noticed Hunter’s hesitation and walked forward.

“What did you fin—Oh. How did four Imperial Troopers end up here? You don’t supposed they went for the Marauder and Maxis took them out?”

“Who else would have? Four troopers… they have the strength to take out four troopers by themselves?” Hunter sounded bewildered. He finally looked at Tech, “Maxis didn’t attempt to alert us and I missed it, did they?”

“No, but it could have been inconvenient at the time. However, there wouldn’t be a reason why they wouldn’t have contacted us after dealing with the situation. Perhaps something else went wrong.”

With that, Hunter signaled the rest of the crew to board the ship with caution.

Part 6 _______________________________________________________

Notes:

Psychometry/Force Echo: This is the next Jedi Fallen Order reference, also seen in 1 or 2 episodes of TCW. I based the reader's ability from the game. Fight scene choreo: Warning, video contains fighting scenes. I love MGS and specifically the CQC in MGSV. For this scene, the first disarm is a combo of the moves described in 1:08 (beginning) and 4:01 (ending). It was mainly supposed to be the second one but the arms are switched so as an artist of my craft, I must adapt. The last move is mostly just the Peter Pan jump from 5:23. I tried to describe the action as best as I could without being like "left right must left right" but here is the visual aspect of it.

[petri808]

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12

Inukag AU

More and more the déjà vu moments started coming to Kagome, mostly smaller memories, but they were adding up. She’d taken the doctor’s advice and kept a small notebook in her purse in case a new one popped up. For example, she knew Inuyasha’s favorite food was ramen because she’d been told as much, but one day as she shopped in the supermarket and saw one of the brands on the shelf, her hand immediately reached out for it. Kagome placed it in her basket without a second thought until two aisles away it finally hit her— it wasn’t a flavor she liked. Sure enough, when she saw Inuyasha that afternoon he confirmed it was the brand and flavor he always bought.

Speaking of recall, Kagome had met Ms. Tanaka at a small cafe one Saturday and they sat at a table for four hours chatting. Kagome had been nervous about going. What would she say since she couldn’t remember anything about the job or company, but Ms. Tanaka was such a bubbly feisty person those anxieties had melted away within the first few minutes. She was brought up to speed on how the company was doing… along with the gossip or drama one might find in a close knit office like they had. So, and so just started dating, bought a new car, complaining about in-laws, news about children, etc. Kagome recognized the name of one child mentioned from when the coworker had taken maternity leave. It felt weird to now be told the child had started preschool, but she was just happy to have remembered the person at all. It was a good day with more to come because Ms. Tanaka invited her to a birthday party the following week at the office for one of their closest co-workers. Apparently, they were nicknamed the trio at work because they always took their lunches together. Their cubicles were next to each other so day in and day out they’d became each other’s family away from home.

“Hi, everyone.” Kagome smiled and waved even though her nerves were on edge. Ms. Tanaka wanted it to be a surprise, so she had no idea what the reaction would be… and it certainly wasn’t this!

A loud scream came from the other side of the room that left her startled. At first Kagome couldn’t see who or where it had come from over all the cubicles, but the next thing she knew she’d almost been tackled to the ground by a hug. It was the birthday girl, Ms. Fukuda.

“Oh, my Kami you came!” Fukuda pulled back her hands still gripped to Kagome’s shoulders. “Why didn’t anyone tell me you were coming??”

“Tanaka wanted it be a surprise,” Kagome squeaked back.

“Well, this is definitely the best birthday gift I could’ve received!— Even if you don’t remember me.”

Kagome flinched a little, her cheeks heating up. “I’m sorry, I don’t, but I’m hoping being here will stimulate something.”

“No need to be sorry,” the woman hugged her again. “I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, but let’s see if we can’t jog those memories!” Ms. Fukuda took Kagome’s hand and started dragging her deeper into the crowd. “Everyone! Look who’s here!”

Kagome stayed close to Tanaka and Fukuda throughout the visit, though the longer she stayed the more comfortable she became. There was tons of food to eat and desserts that left her full. People joked around, teasing Fukuda over a few gag gifts, but all in good fun. Kagome couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed so hard. Everyone was so nice and accommodating, never making her feel bad that she couldn’t remember them. Quite the contrary. The office staff talked and talked, bringing up story after story from the last few years. They seemed determined to play a role in helping Kagome to redeem her lost memories. Most of the staff were there when she’d started and so they had a lot of tales to tell.

“You had such a hard time with the ten-key machine,” Ms. Fukuda laughed. “I remember thinking oh kami, this young girl is gonna give me gray hair!”

Kagome chuckled. “And you weren’t quiet about pointing it out to me. Said I’ll have to cover the cost of hair dye if it did.”

The room full of laughter suddenly went silent as everyone turned to Kagome. Only a few gasps breaking the stillness to leave her utterly concerned. “Did I say something wrong?” Kagome questioned.

Ms. Fukuda broke the silence. “Y-You really remember that?”

“Remember…” Kagome repeated in confusion. All she did was comment— “Oh! Yeah, I guess I did…”

Fukuda squealed as she hugged onto Kagome. “Oh, my Kami! You remembered!”

“I-I remembered!” Tears began to stream down Kagome’s cheeks at how naturally the memories came back to her. “It took me a couple of months, but I got it down.”

“You did,” Ms. Fukuda whose own tears made their way to the scene, and Ms. Tanaka had joined in the hug. “And now you’re faster than me,” she snorted a laugh.

“Y-Yeah,” Kagome hiccupped a laugh too.

There wasn’t a dry eye in the room as everyone watched the friends sharing in such a beautiful moment. As the trio pulled apart, wiping away their tear stained faces, with the biggest smiles planted on them. Ms. Fukuda took Kagome’s hand a final time before letting go. “This truly was the best birthday gift, and I can’t wait for you come back to work.”

“Me, too.”

The party went on for a couple more hours, and by 4pm that afternoon it was winding down. Some office workers were tidying up, packing up leftovers or cleaning up any messes, while others went back to finishing up any company business that needed to be completed that day. A few core individuals such as the trio stayed chatting quietly around the cubicles. There was more than one conversation taking place, so Kagome ever eager to learn what she could did her best to stay engaged. Listening here and chiming in there. But then a name two cubicles away caught her attention.

‘Yura?’ Kagome wondered, who was this person and why was the name stirring up such a wave of anger and pain inside of her? The conversation she overheard seemed meaningless, just something about they were glad the person wasn’t there anymore. Okay, so that meant Yura was a former employee of the company. One person commented that they’d seen her at a new job in a department store selling makeup and the other responded with a scoffing sound, that it was a good fit for such a two-faced bitch. Well, obviously she wasn’t the only person who’d had an issue with this Yura woman. But who was she to her??

In order to figure it out, Kagome tapped on Ms. Tanaka’s shoulder to gain her attention. She whispered her question. “Who is Yura? Mr. Yoshida and Mr. Miyahira are talking about her.”

“Oh…” Ms. Tanaka looked warily at Ms. Fukuda before addressing Kagome’s question. “Are you sure you want to know? It, um… won’t be a very good memory.”

So, Yura was attached to an unhappy event in her life after all and her friends reaction’s just confirmed the initial feelings she’d felt. Kagome swallowed hard, would it be worth dredging up an unhappy memory or should she leave it buried away. It wasn’t the easiest decision to make, but if the woman’s name had triggered such a strong reaction, it must’ve played a significant role.

“J-Just tell me a little bit about her, maybe about when she’d worked here.”

Ms. Tanaka went first. “Okay. Well, um, she was here for about a year, and no one really liked her because she was rude and thought she was better than everyone else… but, when it came to you, Yura just had a real fixation on making your life miserable.”

“We didn’t know the real reason behind it all until the end,” added Ms. Fukuda. “At first, it was petty, childish things like stealing your lunch from the break room or leaving mean notes on your desk. But then it started to escalate and after several complaints to management, they finally fired her— You basically told the manager if they didn’t then you’d quit.”

“They chose you, and that’s what’s important.” Tanaka finished.

“But what do you mean the real reason behind it? Behind what?” Kagome asked.

Kagome’s question must’ve gave her two friends a real dilemma because they grew silent and hesitant to answer it. “Please? We’ve come this far you might as well just tell me.”

“It turned out that Yura was acting that way towards you because, she’s close friends with Inuyasha’s ex…”

“Oh…” Kagome’s eyes widened. “That’s right…” she sat back as the emotions took control. Kikyo was still a vague concept for her with only the bits and pieces she’d been able to put together, but the mention of the woman in conjunction with Yura brought on a flashback. “The cafe. They’d confronted me at a cafe on my lunch break…” Tears had welled up in Kagome’s eyes, but a sensation of anger was making her body tremble at the memory. “That’s what made me give management an ultimatum because it was just going to far.”

As the tears broke free, Kagome’s friends pulled together into a hug. Don’t cry! It’s okay! It was the past! Oh, please don’t be sad Kagome! She’s gone now, it’s gonna be okay! Once she was able to get the tears under control and convince them she’d be okay, they dropped the subject. But despite cheering Kagome up, the bitter feelings just wouldn’t go away. They sat in her gut stirring and brooding, knowing there was more to the story that she just couldn’t remember and that alone was frustrating. According to her friend’s, this incident happened just eight months before her accident, so it wasn’t ancient history. Had it contributed to the fight? It wasn’t beyond belief to think it had or at least added to the frustrations that led up to it.

When Inuyasha picked Kagome up from her workplace, he tried to make small talk. How’d it go? Did you have fun? She answered them in order, how it started out great and everyone was so nice and supportive, telling her stories and answering questions. Then she told him about blurting out a comment because she’d remembered the event.

“That’s awesome, babe!” Inuyasha squeezed her shoulder. “Your memories are coming back faster now!”

“Yeah, about that…” Kagome quieted as she fiddled with her fingers in her lap. “There was something else that was triggered, a… not so great memory.”

“Oh?” He turned briefly to check on her before returning his eyes to the road. “Are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Um… well there was a woman that used to work there that I didn’t get along with…”

“That’s surprising.”

“Yeah, she um— Her name was Yura. But the reason we didn’t get along was because she’s a friend of your ex-girlfriend.”

Kagome instantly saw Inuyasha’s grip tighten on the steering wheel and the whites of his knuckles glaringly apparent. Clearly just the mention of Kikyo was enough to trigger an intense reaction.

She cleared her drying throat. “The company fired Yura about 8 months before the accident after she and Kikyo harassed me at a cafe during my lunch break.”

“You never told me about that. Kagome, why—”Inuyasha stopped mid-sentence as he felt his anger rise. He took a deep breath then lowered his tone. “Why didn’t you tell me about something that bad?”

“I’m not surprised…” she mumbled under her breath. She’d had an inkling that she’d never told him. “I think it was because I didn’t think you’d listen.”

“Of course, I would have listened! They were harassing you!”

“Look, Inuyasha, I don’t remember everything, but clearly there was a reason I didn’t tell you and based on everything you’ve told me yourself you weren’t listening! So, how can you even tell me you would have, when obviously you weren’t back then! You have no right to hold it against me now!”

“Kagome this is different, it affected your job and there were witnesses—”

“Oh?! So, because you’d believe the witnesses you would have believed me?! I don’t remember, but maybe there were other times there were witnesses and you didn’t listen— I DON’T KNOW THAT!”

“That’s not what I meant! I would have listened to you if you’d told me! You should have told me!”

“You know, I really thought you’d be different but if you still can’t admit about what drove me to leave that night, then I… I don’t know anymore…”

“That’s not fair…”

“J-just get me home! I-I just wanna go home Inuyasha! I can’t talk to you right now! There’s so much I can’t remember and since you admitted you hadn’t listened before, there’s nothing more to say.”

“Please Kagome—”

“Just stop. I’m done talking.” She’d had enough.

Her mind was spinning from all the gaps she couldn’t fill and the anger at his words. How could he deny it now when that’s one of the things he’d admitted to from the beginning. The last few minutes of the drive went by in silence and as soon as they reached the Higurashi residence, Kagome got out without a second look. All their months of hard work were now left behind with the slam of a car door and she had no idea how to salvage it.

[luvlyrv]

Just Vacation Girlfriends (Seulgi x Fem!Reader)

Genre: Fake dating, fluff

Summary: You and Seulgi enter a precarious fake dating situation, hijinks ensue. Except the hijinks aren't light-hearted, but rather deeply personal and intimate experiences. What are you and Seulgi really?

Word Count: 2k

A/N: Hi, it has literally been 5 months since I last wrote lol, I'm sorry. It's not like I hate writing it's just that there were other things I could and had to do. I apologize for taking so long to upload again, especially for the amount of feedback I got for my first post! 68 followers and 90 notes! I know it may seem like rookie numbers to some but I really want to thank you all. I'm having my winter break now so I should be able to post a lot during this short period. If I'm lucky I may be able to semi-consistently post during the school year as well ;). Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes/wtf moments I'm writing at 3AM and have slept for two hours total for the past 40 hrs, cut me some slack please.

Date: 12/24/20

The chops of your knife against the cutting board were interrupted by your phone ringing. You stop making dinner as you look over your shoulder to your phone a couple inches away on the counter. Your eyebrow perked up as you read the caller ID, it was Seulgi. Of course, you immediately set your knife down to talk to her.

"Hey Seul, what's up?"

"Hi..." Seulgi began to yawn. "I just wanted to hear your voice today."

You can't help but to let out a small smile as you felt your face getting warmer. Luckily Seulgi wasn't actually there to tease you about it.

"Ah, well, here's my voice. Is it relaxing enough, your majesty?"

You can hear a faint and muffled sound of laughter from Seulgi before you hear her tired voice through the speaker again.

"Hm, well I guess that'll do. I'm actually calling to make sure you wanna come with us on vacation again."

"Of course I do, I've been going with you guys for years. I'll make sure it works with my schedule."

"Yeah, I know that and I'll send you the dates, it's just that..." Seulgi let out a long sigh, "there's some other things you need to know."

"And that would be?"

"Pretend to be my girlfriend."

"What?"

"Please, Y/N. It'll just be for a week. I know it's a lot to ask but I need it."

You're speechless for a bit and deliberate on what to say next. Not wanting to worry your friend with your silence you ended up just saying, "Yeah, uh okay, I can work with that... why though?"

"You know how dating is like. Not a lot of time, not a lot of privacy. My parents understand this but they're still worried you know? They worry about how my future will be like if I'm spending basically over a decade just working. Something about it takes time to find the right man, settling, babies, blah blah blah. If you pretend to date me that'll ease their worries and I won't even have to worry about a scandal since it isn't real and only my parents would know anyways. Besides... we're close enough where we can pull this off convincingly, right?"

You take a second to think. It was a strange situation to be in, but as far as you knew you would only have to pretend for the week you would spend with her family. Her family wouldn't be seeing either of you after then, and maybe you could also fake breakup if things get sticky. With Seulgi's last statement... it was true that you've been really close with her and her entire family since you were both little. All it would take would be amping up the friendly touches and banter.

"Yeah, we are. Alright. I guess we should iron out the details about our fake relationship later though. You kind of sound like shit. Rest up if you can."

"Talk to you soon, Y/N."

With that, Seulgi ended the call and you were left with dinner still unprepared and a lot on your mind.

* *

The plan was to go to the airport and fly out to the island with Seulgi, where you could rehearse your story until you would meet up with the rest of her family and go about the vacation as normal. Except for the not so minor detail of you having to be Seulgi's girlfriend.

Seulgi sits by the window as you sit next to her. You try to get comfortable, but you really can't. There's a churning mixture of nervousness in your stomach. Even though it was all pretend, it was hard to imagine yourself trying to make it look real. Although you and Seulgi both felt like it would be easy to pull it off convincingly... there was something you couldn't quite place tugging at your heart-strings.

Your thoughts are interrupted as you hear her sweet voice.

"When did we start dating?"

"Uhm, ah, I know this! It was... er-"

"July 7th."

Seulgi begins to look at you. Her eyes are filled with both a pleading look and a disappointed look. She starts quizzing all the little, and very fake, details of your relationship. You answer them correctly for the most part and Seulgi's mood seemed to improve knowing you weren't completely hopeless. You're starting to get into the swing of things when all of a sudden Seulgi asks something completely unexpected.

"And what's our favorite position in bed?"

You felt your face immediately heat up as your eyes opened wide in shock.

"I- I mean, uh, what?"

"K-kidding of course." Seulgi says this with a smile, yet she seems to shake a little. Maybe she was also surprised with her sudden crude sense of humor. She begins to reach down and grab a small book from her bag. "I think we'll be good for now, just relax until we get there."

You just nod your head in response and slip in your earbuds.

* *

Although it wasn't like you have never spent a vacation with Seulgi, things felt weird.

First was the way her family treated you, especially her parents. The both of you walked into the beach house hand in hand. Her parents were completely unbothered. Later that day when eating dinner, Seulgi decided it was time to announce your relationship. As the conversation at the dinner table seemed to finally be dying down, she set down her fork and began to talk.

"Guys, listen up, I've been holding onto this news for some time now, but I really wanted to do it when everyone could see each other. What I've been wanting to say is... " It seemed to you, that maybe just for a little moment, Seulgi was trying to steel her nerves.

"Y/N and I are dating."

Silence. The two of you were met with utter silence. It wasn't the type of condemning and judging silence, but rather one of indifference. Everyone seemed completely unbothered with this news. The silence was thankfully quickly broken by Seulgi's mom.

"Well, I'm glad you guys have finally sorted your feelings. I'm sure you're both very happy now." Her mom said it with a small but warm smile. Everyone else seemed to nod in agreement. You couldn't help but to ask, "No big congratulations? What about the fact that we're both girls? "

Seulgi's brother laughed a little before talking.

"I mean... sorry. We can act a bit more excited if that's what you want. It really is something to be celebratory about... it's just that you don't usually clap for a fish when it swims, right? You know what I mean? It's just all a bit... expected and natural. As for the 'we're both girls' I don't care, and everyone else probably doesn't either."

To say the least, that was not the reaction that you and Seulgi expected. After dinner the two of you were stuck trying to think about what it all meant. You guys were also both stuck with the fact that you'd share one room and one bed for the rest of the week.

Again, it wasn't like you haven't done things like share a bed with Seulgi before. It was just that the relationship business was getting stuck in your head. Everything normal suddenly felt dangerous. Things like even looking in Seulgi's way felt like it took caution. That night, it was decided that there would be a pillow barrier between the two of you.

By the third night the pillows were all on the floor as the you hung onto each other for warmth, finding comfort in the contours of the other's body.

Things like this kept on happening. You would set up arbitrary rules to feel normal again and destroy them all within a blink of an eye. You just kept on acting on things without intending to.

For example, the other day Seulgi woke up early to cook breakfast. You couldn't help but to feel the absence of her body and warmth and followed her out to the kitchen soon after. Even though you were in a half-asleep state your feet found their way behind Seulgi and your arms snaked around her waist.

You burrowed your face into the crook of her neck. Taking in that familiar and oh-so-comforting scent that is Kang Seulgi. Since when did her scent make you feel at home? Since when did you feel so at ease with her? You had a sneaking suspicion that it has been this way for a very, very long time.

These thoughts didn't matter though, as your body began to move with hers to the soft music she had playing from her phone. She didn't try to resist your touch at all. Instead, it seemed that she melted under your touch, with you seeing her shoulders dropping and feeling her backing in further to your embrace. Before you knew it the serene moment ended when Seulgi finally finished cooking breakfast.

You would frequently hold hands whenever the family was around, yet even though you could spend your free time wherever with whoever, you were attached to Seulgi's hip and she to yours. You two would always end up doing something together, or perhaps you would do nothing, and instead just enjoyed the fact that the other was there while quietly still holding hands.

Holding her hand quickly became your best comfort. Her soft and warm hands seemed to fit perfectly with yours, fitting together just the way you'd want them to. Something about her hands electrified you every time.

The once seemingly distinct line between platonic feelings and romantic feelings began to get blurrier and blurrier with each passing second. This doubt and confusion culminated when going on one of the last outings planned for the vacation.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, during the outing a spontaneous couple's event was hosted. Your mouth began to dry up as the host looked at you and Seulgi, urging each other to kiss.

As far as everyone else knew, you've been dating for a decent amount of time now. Enough of an amount of time for them to assume you had kissed already. You looked into Seulgi's eyes in distress. You could feel the host boring his eyes into you. You could feel practically everyone's eyes staring in anticipation.

Seulgi drew her body closer and that was when you knew your fate was sealed.

* *

A couple hours later and you're back at the house now. Laying in the bed you've shared for the past few nights you finally look at her. She looks back at you with waiting eyes. Slowly you reach your hand up from under the blankets and softly laid it on her soft cheek. She responds by placing hers on top of yours.

Staring at the deep brown of her eyes, you take it all in. You feel heat radiating from her body. You watch her body rise and fall with a mix of a calm yet eager breath. The close proximity that the two of you share is something that was typical, yet so different in the moment. With bated breath you finally say the unspoken words. The words that should've been said long ago. The air and sound barely passes through your lips.

"I love you."

The two of you close in, giving the lightest kiss in the world. There was barely any pressure but you could feel her lips touching yours. Even though you've kissed already, this one meant so much more. Even if this was such a small and innocent kiss, it was the shyness of it all, the realization that it means something that made your heartbeat race.

Putting your foreheads together, Seulgi said with a quiet voice.

"It's been like this since forever, hasn't it?"

"Yeah. Let's keep it that way."

In the back of your head you wonder, was this to please her parents or was this to please her?

[eralisse]

Brothers Conflict: Season 1 LN - Ch17, Sec2 & Sec3

*_* I have upgraded to being able to translate the light novels [slowly, very slowly] (and am very proud of myself right now).

Continuing on with my quest to translate materials relating to the Iori/Kaname conflict and their characterizations, I bring to you this translation from Volume 5, where Kaname withdraws from the competition for Ema's heart.

This is not the whole chapter, because that would take too much effort, and the other sections touch on the other conflicts. (If you're looking for the whole thing, there might be someone else who's translated all of it before.)

Comments and discussion at the end of this entry.

Brothers Conflict Translations Index

That day, it was late when I left school.

Because of what happened with Azusa-san, I was completely late for class, so much so that, after school, I had to receive supplementary lessons.

(It’s gotten completely dark.)

Even though it was the end of summer, the sun went down at this time. Conversely, the city lights were starting to illuminate the night sky.

From Hinode High School, until the nearest JR train station, Iidabashi Station, there was a small slope down. I began to walk down that street.

Then, right after that, from behind me, I heard a car horn.

???: “… That’s no good. Having a cute girl walking down the street at night all by herself.”

The car pulled up beside me, and a blond man leaned over from the driver’s seat.

Kaname: “It’ll be too late once something happens. Here, I’ll give you a ride.”

Ema: “Kaname-san.”

I gave a small sigh.

Ema: “I think it’s more likely that something will happen when you’re with someone.”

Kaname: “Haha, as always, Imouto-chan has a good sense for clapbacks.”

Ema: “I should think that Kaname-san would have had plenty of experience by now.”

Kaname: “Well, enough of that. Anyway, get on in.”

Ema: “It’s fine, I can walk.”

Kaname: “... Get in.”

(Ehh?!)

That was in a super serious voice.

Kaname: “It’s not my style to be pushy when inviting women. However, my preferences don’t matter right now.”

Ema: “... Kaname-san?”

Kaname: “This is the last thing I’ll ask of you. Please, get in.”

He said, and then came out from the car.

(Kaname-san…)

Kaname-san had an expression I had never seen until now.

Neither angry nor sad, much less his usual easygoing manner… I had never seen such a face before.

(Th-this is…)

What should I say? I held myself back…

At that moment, the word “determined” came to the front of my mind.

Kaname: “… Here.”

Kaname-san opened the door to the passenger’s seat. I gave a small nod, and got into the car.

---Then, Kaname-san turned the car east and started driving.

It was in the complete opposite direction from Kichijouji, where our apartment was in.

Ema: “Kaname-san, where are we going?”

Kaname: “You have time, right?”

Ema: “Eh?”

Kaname: “... It won’t be long, but it’s impossible to be done within an hour. If you have dinner prep or something like that, please ask Kyou-nii.”

Ema: “Ah, no, I’m good for today.”

It happened to be that, when it was clear that I would be at supplementary lessons after school, I called Ukyo-san during lunch, and got it to be that he would make dinner instead.

That’s why I had time this evening.

Ema: “But, what is this conversation about?”

Kaname: “I’ll tell you when we get there.”

Kaname-san said, while continuing to look straight ahead.

Kaname: “I want to go to a place where there’s nobody else. A place where none of our brothers will go… When we get there, we’ll talk.”

Then, Kaname-san glanced over at me for just a second.

Kaname: “Today… Just for now, please trust me.”

Then he looked forward again. After that, Kaname-san continued to drive, and said no more.

---

(......)

Outside the window, Tokyo’s night scenery flowed past.

Eventually, the car began to turn south.

Kaname: “...... Here’s good.”

When Kaname-san opened the passenger seat door, there was the smell of salt and the sound of waves.

Kaname: “Well, come on out.”

Ema: “... Alright.”

Tokyo Bay spread out before me. It appeared to be a place open to the sea, with not much to obstruct the view.

A cool wind that started to blow.

Kaname: “Humans are interesting, aren’t they.”

Kaname-san said, and began walking slowly to the beach.

Kaname: “Even though there are people of all personalities, when it comes to having important conversations, for some reason they will want to go to the ocean. I wonder why that is?”

Ema: “......”

I remained silent, following a little ways behind.

Kaname: “When you look at the ocean, do you feel at ease? Or, do you think that it bestows some special strength?”

Kaname-san stopped and faced me, turning his back to the ocean.

Kaname: “If it has that kind of power, I would really like to have it right now.”

Behind him, I could see the large seawall that protected Tokyo Bay from the waves.

Kaname: “Hikaru came today, you know.”

Ema: “... Yes.”

Kaname: “He said this cheerfully, ‘With this, she’s at 12 wins, 0 losses, and 1 bystander.’”

Ema: “Eh?”

Kaname: “...... Such a terrible thing to say.”

Kaname-san murmured.

Kaname: “However, he’s really perceptive about that sort of thing. He sees through to the most important parts intuitively. That’s why he can be an author, I guess.”

There, Kaname-san smiled bitterly.

Kaname: “However, unfortunately for Hikaru, that score is already outdated. It’s 11 wins, 0 losses, and 1 withdrawal now. And soon, it’ll be 10 wins, 0 losses, and 2 withdrawals.”

Ema: “W-what are you saying?”

Kaname: “Do you love Iori?”

Kaname-san said suddenly.

Ema: “Eh…”

Kaname: “I’ll ask one more time. Do you love Iori?”

Ema: “Uh, um…”

Kaname-san smiled faintly. It was a sad and pained smile.

Kaname: “I want to know if I should apologize or not for what happened at the summer festival.”

Ema: “... Ah.”

I remembered what had happened in that tree grove back then.

Iori-san’s body heat as he touched my cheek. The feeling on my lips. And finally, Kaname-san’s face.

Kaname: “I was the one who invited you there. However, as a result, at the time, at that place, that happened. That’s why I was thinking I had to ask you--”

Kaname-san cut himself off.

The surge of a rather large wave could be heard.

Kaname: “Ask you if you loved Iori, and if that kiss was a lover’s kiss, for instance.”

Ema: “Um, that’s…”

Kaname: “Answer me.”

Kaname-san stared at me intently.

The wave earlier hit the seawall, and a crumbling sound was heard.

Ema: “... I don’t know.”

I answered.

Ema: “That was… It happened so suddenly… And afterwards, I haven’t had a chance to speak with Iori-san properly.”

Kaname: “In other words, it was a one-sided action on Iori’s part?

Ema: “...”

I nodded.

I didn’t feel like I could only deny Kaname-san’s words.

Kaname: “In that case, I’ll say this.”

Kaname-san’s voice got even lower. It was a low, yet distinct… and sad voice.

Kaname: “If you don’t love Iori, stay away from him.”

Kaname-san clenched his fist tightly before his chest.

Kaname: “Iori has not yet returned to being human.”

(Eh!?)

My eyes widened in surprise.

(Hasn’t returned… to being human?)

Kaname: “Iori is… still, unable to love another person. He hasn’t returned back to that stage yet.”

Kaname-san’s each word echoed deeply to my heart.

Kaname: “Iori is struggling desperately right now. To use a metaphor, he is like a drowning man. That’s why, if you heedlessly go to save him, you will be dragged in… and will drown together.”

Then Kaname-san looked straight at me.

Kaname: “I don’t want that to happen to you.”

Kaname-san’s face looked extremely pained.

Kaname: “Loving someone means-”

Kaname-san turned away from me, and looked out at the ocean.

Kaname: “-to understand your partner, recognize them, and then, to accept them. It is not to make you understand, recognize, and accept yourself. …Such a thing cannot be called love.”

Another wave came in. Then the sound of it crashing into the seawall could be heard.

Kaname: “I think you are a very kind and attentive woman. And you won’t be too picky at your partner. I think that’s wonderful. … However.”

Kaname-san turned toward me.

Kaname: “You can’t be that for Iori right now. If you do anything like that with compassion or sympathy, let alone simply good intentions, you will get pulled in and drown.”

A slightly larger wave than before came in. The sound it made crashing was just as loud.

Kaname: “Even so, my job is to listen to people’s souls.”

Kaname-san lowered his gaze slightly.

Kaname: “Since that incident in middle school, I have always watched over Iori. And, protected him. In the hopes that he can become a person who can love another once more.”

Falling silent there, Kaname-san then slowly raised his head, and spoke in a clear voice.

Kaname: “Because… love is mightier than the sword or the pen, mightier than anything else, and is the single most important thing.”

Kaname-san stepped forward. The distance between us narrowed.

Kaname: “However, I need a little more time. It is still too early right now.”

Kaname-san put his hands on my shoulders.

Kaname: “Please leave Iori to me. And, give your kind heart to someone else. That is my wish for you.”

Ema: “Kaname-san…”

Weight and warmth came from the hands on my shoulders.

It felt as if they reached the center of my body.

Kaname: “Iori is my precious little brother. That’s why, I want to protect him. And, you are my precious little sister.… That’s why, I will protect you.”

Kaname-san’s arms dropped from my shoulders, and wrapped around my back and waist.

I felt Kaname-san’s warmth and the strength of his embrace through my whole body.

Kaname: “... With all that I have.”

The loud crashing of waves echoed all around us.

At Kaname-san’s back, I saw the seawall blocking the large waves that rushed from the open sea.

---

Comments:

1. As a novice translator, there's a running metaphor going through this section that I got super excited to notice. Did anyone else see it? Either in the actual text (if you have the light novels) or in a previous translation elsewhere? Anyone? Okay. It's the seawall and the waves. The waves and the sound of the waves change as Kaname speaks, with the loudest impact being at the end. And at the end, Ema is relating Kaname to the seawall, protecting her from waves coming in from all over. In terms of literary analysis, it's a little obvious because there is no description of anything else, but still. I hope I got it translated properly.

2. There are a few lines where I scrapped the literal Japanese wording and rewrote it because the dictionary definition I got didn't make sense at all. I used context to guess at what was meant. This applies to the line Ema says about Kaname's experience with clapbacks, and the sentence Kaname says about being picky at partners.

3. Story-wise, if I'm not mistaken, this is the only time Kaname tells Ema exactly WHY she needs to stay away from Iori. Before, in Vol3, he only tells her she has to stay away. And to anyone who's ever had to ask anyone to do anything, if you don't say why, you run a high risk of your words being ignored because you didn't convey the urgency.

4. If anyone's read the light novels, and would like to correct any of the above, please do so. It's difficult for me to read the text without spending a lot of time with the dictionary, so it's very possible for me to miss something. (In other words, I haven't read every section in the LNs thoroughly yet.)

5. Gahhh, I love Kaname so much.

[smutbymia]

Omg can u pls make another nipple sucking fic but w jeno 🥺

You sat on the floor of Jenos dorm room in a fit of soft giggles as the two of you passed your third bottle of soju between each other.

The moonlight bore through the only open window in the little room and you tried your hardest to stifle your laughter since you had already gotten noise complaints from the other dreamies after returning from the barbecue place that you and Jeno had gone to for dinner.

Jeno loved moments like this more than anything in the world. Lately it seemed as though he was happiest around you and it wasn’t until his group members pointed it out that he realized that he may have possibly found what the rest of the boys often joked about and called — the “girl” best friend.

Basically it was a running jokes among idols that at some point during their career they’d stumble across a girl. A perfect girl who seemed to lift your spirits despite the hectic routine of your career. Jaemin had found and then lost his girl best friend all within the span of a couple of months as their friendship progressed into a whirlwind romance that was doomed from the start; another trait of the dreaded “girl” best friend.

The legend stated that the idol and the girl would always teeter between a platonic and romantic relationship, eventually causing conflict between the two and thus dooming the perfect relationship. The only way things seemed to work with these relationships was if the idol was to give up their career and dream to lead a normal life with their partner.

You and Jeno started hanging out quite frequently about 5 months prior to this very night on the bedroom floor. Usually when you hung out it was late at night, after practice or on his days off when you’d take walks by the Han river at 6am to stay discrete and watch the sun rise. Of course these could be seen as dates but the energy between you two wasn’t that heavy. It felt easy — for you.

Jeno was a bit of a nervous wreck. He didn’t think it would be so easy. He really did see you as a friend at first but he messed up. He started seeing you way too often and it was only inevitable that his feelings for you would develop just as quickly. It didn’t fully register until he found himself doing things boyfriends did, like taking you out on frequent dinner dates, or the ease of roping his hands in yours whenever you guys took your morning walks. It all seemed quite normal and natural for him until the rest of his members had grilled him about your situationship after the night of Chenles birthday party.

The two of you had lots to drink (as usual) and were carrying on like your normal selves — which apparently wasn’t very normal at all. Jeno leaned back in his seat with his hand stretched across your bare thigh. You sat next to him with your legs crossed as you sat silently, nursing at the drink in your hand while the boys engaged in an animated conversation about some drama they were binge watching back at the dorm.

Jeno rubbed circles against your leg with his thumb as the rest of his fingers gripped at your thighs. The other members certainly took notice of their friends hand placement but ignored it as they continued speaking. It wasn’t until you leaned over to rest your head against Jeno’s shoulder and he turned his head to plant a quick kiss on your forehead that the conversation at the table went quiet, momentarily.

Needless to say, Jeno was bombarded with questions that night after the boys had come to the conclusion that he was being far too reckless in public, and above all else — he had fallen for you.

Ever since then he struggled to keep from crossing the line drawn between the two of you but that line always became far too blurry when he was drunk. And boy was he drunk tonight.

The boys had warned him against it but he couldn’t resist inviting you over to spend the night. He wanted to hang out longer than you usually got to, and wanted to be able to let loose somewhere where he knew you’d be away from prying eyes.

Now here you were, a drunk and giggly mess on Jenos floor. The other members were hanging out with the two of you before but they had retreated to their rooms for the night to get rest — which apparently you were stopping them from doing with your laughing over the last hour. For you and Jeno the party was only just starting.

“Hide and seek?” Jeno suggested.

You shook your head vigorously before shutting him down, “too drunk and definitely too loud!”

Jeno covered his hand with his mouth as he muffled a laugh at your shaking head and rosy cheeks.

“Truth or dare!” said Jeno after uncovering his mouth and not even attempting to keep his voice down. Your hand flew over his lips as you shushed him, tumbling forward a bit as his arm flew out to your waist as he steadied you infront of him on the floor again. You felt his warm breath tickle your skin as he giggled against your palm.

“Fine but we have to be quiet!” you whispered, your faces inches from his as you carefully removed your hand from over his mouth.

“Okay, y/n... you first. Truth or dare?” asked Jeno. You hesitated before speaking. “Dare... no truth!” you squeaked. This time it was Jenos turn to cover your mouth is he pressed forward into you, sending the two of you slipping onto the floor.

His body was directly on top of yours as you felt the cool wood of the floor against your back. He winced as he waited for the inevitable to happen.

A soft ping filled the room and you and Jeno both turned your heads to peer at the phone that was on the ground next to you. The first ping was followed by 4 more as messages from the NCT Dream group chat spilled in — complaining again.

Jeno texted the group back to apologize, with only one hand because he still needed to muffle your laugh with his other. When he was finished he turned back to you with a stern expression on his drunken face.

“Truth— what are you thinking of right now?” he whispered, still above you.

“You’re not as heavy as I thought you’d be,” you answered without missing a beat.

“Truth or dare?” you asked Jeno.

“Truth,” he responded.

“What’s your biggest secret?” you asked.

“Honestly, you. You’re my biggest secret,” he said. He was right. If fans knew about the two of you spending so much time together he really could be in trouble.

“Truth or dare?” he said, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Truth again,” you answered.

“How many people have you slept with?” Jeno asked carefully... his eyes narrowed and his lips pouty.

“Jeno!” you gasped quietly. He raised his eyebrows, challenging you and letting you know that he was expecting an honest reply.

“Fine,” you said before confessing, “just one!”

Your cheeks flushed red as you shifted your gaze away from him but you could see a small smile dance on his lips before it disappeared. “Wait, do I know them?” he asked suddenly.

“You only get one question each turn,” you teased, “now truth or dare!”

“Truth again!” he said.

“Uh... okay,” you pondered for a while, “what’s your biggest kink?”

Jeno’s eyes went wide as you watched the heat rush to his face. You were almost certain that you felt him begin to harden before he shifted above you in a position that allowed him to be a bit more discrete about his excitement.

“Ah, y/n... don’t be so shameless,” he scolded. Your mouth dropped open as the shock set in. How dare he make up such and excuse to avoid your question when he had asked you a personal one first.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t answer that! Give me a dare instead” he said as he flashed a smile down at you before finally moving and drawing you up into a sitting position as he poured the final shots of soju for the night.

You cheersed and downed them quickly before you stacked the shot glasses and pushed them aside. The alcohol was flowing through your system and you were beginning to feel a little mischievous so you decided to challenge your friend once more.

You watched as Jeno ran his fingers through his dark hair and looked at you expectantly, thinking he was off the hook. Inside, he was feeling a little overwhelmed. He had just narrowly escaped popping a boner with you right under him and the alcohol was starting to cause words to slip from his mouth carelessly. And you. You looked so beautiful that he could barely keep away from you.

“I dare you to show me,” you said. Jeno could have sworn your lips had began moving in slow motion as his own fell open.

“Wh-what do you mean?” he stammered.

“If you won’t tell me then show me. What’s your biggest kink?” you asked as you moved closer to sit directly in front of him. Your voices had dropped to a whisper lower than any volume you had been in speaking all night.

“Y/n... you dont know what you’re saying,” he warned.

“Truth,” you said randomly.

“What?”Jeno said, confused by your sudden interruption.

“Truth,” you repeated before continuing, “you look really handsome tonight.”

Jeno opened his mouth to respond as a smile spread across his lips but you cut him off before he could get a word out.

“Another truth,” you began, “I’m not sure if it’s just the alcohol but having you on top of me like that made me... feel things.”

“So,” you continued, “I’m just a little curious. I want to know what your biggest kink is. What turns you on?”

Jenos eyes were locked with yours. Even in the dark room, he held your gaze before letting out a deep breath. “So I guess this is it then,” he said under his breath.

You cocked your head to one side, waiting for him to elaborate on that random thought, but he never did. Jeno thought to himself, this was the moment where he’d have to choose wether or not to cross the line. He was nervous. Nervous about what you’d think of him but the more his eyes trailed across your body, the harder it was for him to hold back.

He watched as your chest rose and fell in anticipation for his next words — hoping to learn a dirty little secret about your best friend. He watched as your nipples pressed against the cotton fabric of your white shirt, as he caught sight of the faint outline of your areoles.

“Y/n... I don’t know,” he said as he tore his eyes away from your skin and shut them.

“I-it won’t change anything. I promise,” you said. “I know. I know all about that stupid story about having girls as friends that you all keep spreading around the company!”

Jeno froze as he opened his eyes again. You had reached out and landed your hand on his crossed legs. He reached out, slowly wrapping his hand around your wrist before jerking your arm forward, and pulling you closer to him so your faces nearly touched.

“Promise me. Promise me that you’ll still be my best friend no matter what,” he said as the words spilled quickly from his mouth.

You nodded your head and before you could register what was happening, your best friends lips were pressed firmly against yours.

“Truth,” he said as he broke the kiss. “I’m in love with you.”

You froze in front of him as he drew your bottom lip between his teeth before releasing it and planting a peck on your lips. You roped your hands around his neck as you climbed into his lap, deepening the kiss.

Jenos hands rubbed along your sides, down to your waist and across your butt until he squeezed at your ass through the fabric of your shorts. You could feel him grow hard under you as you let soft moans escape from your lips.

Jeno brushed a finger across your lips.

“Shhh..” he whispered under hooded eyes. You nodded silently as you pressed your lips back together.

“So what is it then? Your kink,” you whispered.

Jeno scratched at the nape of his neck, still feeling a bit embarrassed.

“Come on, you can’t go back on your dares!” you warned.

He sighed before signalling for you to get on the bed as he followed. He ran his thumb across your cheek before lifting at the hem of you shirt and leaning you back onto the bed so you were laying flat against the pillows, topless.

Jeno snuggled into your side before looking up to meet your gaze — not saying anything. You watched as he opened his mouth, allowing his tongue to dart across his lips, wetting them, before planting kisses across your chest and drawing a nipple into his mouth.

“Oh —“ you said as the sensitive bud met the warmth of his tongue while he suckled away. You could hear Jeno’s breathing increase slightly as he grew hard against your leg. This time he pulled his pants down and jerked at his length softly, whining against your skin.

You wrapped an arm around him, supporting his neck as continued to work at your flesh as you ran your fingers through his hair — soothing him as he pumped at his length.

You could feel the pre-crum that had gathered at the head of his penis drip against your leg. Your arousal became too much for you to ignore but you couldn’t interrupt Jeno.

This was it, clearly. He had shown you his vulnerable side and now the pretty boy was fucking himself right infront of your eyes while he nursed at your nipple. You watched as the pretty pink head of his member disappeared between the fist he had formed with his slender and pale fingers.

You couldn’t take it anymore as you allowed your free hand to trail down your body and settle between your legs. You circled at your clit, groaning at the contact that you had been yearning for.

You whimpered as your fingers massaged at your center, causing wetness to pool against your fingers. Jeno suckled harder against your skin as you slipped your fingers inside of yourself. He jerked at himself faster this time, aroused at the sight of you playing with yourself while he was occupied with your soft nipples.

Your orgasm ripped through you as your insides throbbed against your fingers. You bit down on your lip to stop yourself from crying out as Jeno gazed up at you, loving every second of the show you were putting on. He loved the sight of your face as you finally reached your climax. He himself was close but it wasn’t until you slipped your fingers out of yourself and into his mouth in place of your nipple, that he was able to finally cum. His lips circled your fingers as he sucked at the juices that coated them while warm spurts of cum splattered across your thighs.

Jeno collapsed at your side, lifting his fingers up to your lips where you drew them into your mouth to have a taste of him. When you were done licking his fingers clean, he planted a soft kiss on your lips before snuggling back into your chest and licking at your nipples in silence.

“You really like doing that, don’t you baby?” you whispered against his hair as you combed your fingers through.

Jeno hummed against your skin. “It’s my favourite thing in the world,” he whispered as he lulled off to sleep, shortly followed by you.

The next morning, the two of you woke up tangled together beneath the sheets. Jeno was the first one up, and drew circles softly along your back as your eyes began to flutter open.

He paused his movements before nervously speaking. “G-good morning,” he said. “I didn’t mean to sit here and watch you or anything I just didn’t want to leave you alone on your first morning here,” he stammered.

You groaned as you snuggled up closer to him, feeling his body relax at the contact. “How are you feeling,” he asked you.

“Frustrated,” you responded before dropping your voice to a whisper, “someone spent hours sucking on my nipples and I’m almost certain it’s the reason why I’ve been dripping wet all night long!”

Jeno giggled while he planted kisses down your neck as you rubbed softly at your eyes, trying your best to fully wake up.

“I’m sorry,” said Jeno as he flipped you over onto you side to spoon you. He drew your body close against his before slipping his hands back down to your hips and pulling them against his front so you could feel the erection that had grown in his pants.

“Let me make it up to you,” he cooed in your ear as he touched at your body. And he did. He made it up to you all morning long.

thank you to the anon that came up with the truth or dare concept for this mini blurb! ❤️ I haven’t written in so long so forgive me if it takes a while to get into the swing of things again. I feel a bit rusty haha.

[izzytheauthor]

Peppermint Winter (Weasley Family x Weasley!Reader)

Pairing: Weasley Family x Weasley!Reader (I'm pretty sure it's gender neutral, but let me know if I missed something!)

Summary: Christmas Eve is always magical at the Burrow, but there's something special in the air this year. Based on the song Peppermint Winter by Owl City.

Author's Note: I meant to have this done last night for Christmas Eve, so sorry for the delay! I don't think I've ever listened to a song as many times as I did for this fic. Thanks to my new website I now know exactly how insane I am listening to this song for 5+ hours. Whoops. I picture this fic happening in the Twin's first year and the year before you attend Hogwarts, but I suppose it can be read however you wish. Just a really fluffy fic for Christmas because it's my favorite holiday and this is one of my favorite songs.

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: Food, but I think that's it. Just a bunch of fluff.

General Taglist: @dogweedanddeathcaps @jenniweaslee @sanitisegermsfree @lostaurorax @loony-loopy-lupinn @freddielupin @lxvegoods

There's the snow, look out below // And bundle up cause here it comes // Run outside, so starry eyed // A snowball fight breaks out

Life at the Burrow was always a bit crazy no matter the time of year, but there was nothing quite like Christmas with your family.

This year was even better than normal. You hadn’t had a Christmas all together since Bill graduated from Hogwarts to become a curse breaker. That changed this year when he finally got to take a few days off to be with the family.

But even with the extra magic in the air that came with having your family together, there was something missing this year. Something big.

For the first time in your life, there was no snow on the ground here at the Burrow on Christmas Eve.

You had made the best of it though. You and Molly had baked dozens of cookies to give to the neighbors. Celestina Warbeck’s Christmas album had been playing every waking moment for the last week. And of course the house was decorated from top to bottom like something out of a muggle magazine (minus the stupefied gnome that topped the tree).

Christmas Eve dinner had been delicious, as usual. Molly was quite possibly the best cook in the world, and she always proved it during the holidays. The meal had been filled with smiles and laughter, as well as the occasional argument between Percy and the twins. But overall, it was everything you could have asked for from your family.

Molly passed around a tray of cookies you’d baked together earlier that day, everyone taking more than their fair share.

“These look great mum.” Charlie complimented.

You coughed dramatically and stared at him expectantly.

“And Y/N of course. How could I forget? You helped by licking the spoon.” He winked.

Your jaw dropped open, but Molly interrupted before you could get a single word out.

“Now, now. Y/N helped me decorate some of them.” She smiled, digging through the pile to find one you had done. “Ah, there’s one. Doesn’t it look wonderful?” She asked, showing off the cookie that was completely covered in frosting and sprinkles.

“It looks like a unicorn threw up on it.” Fred said, causing the table to erupt into laughter.

You sat pouting, but Molly came to your rescue.

“Well I think it looks wonderful.” She said, putting it on her plate before passing the tray to you.

“LOOK!” Ginny yelled, pointing out the window.

You almost dropped the tray in surprise before turning to see what she was pointing at.

Outside a steady stream of fluffy white flakes drifted down from the sky, illuminated by the light from the full moon. At some point during your dinner a blizzard had started outside, creating a pristine layer of snow.

You abandoned the cookies, rushing to the window and pressing your face to the glass. Within seconds you were fogging it up, but you didn’t care. You were just happy to finally see the snow.

“Let’s go!” Ron exclaimed, already out of his chair and running to the door.

“RONALD WEASLEY!”

He stopped in his tracks, turning back to face his mum with wide eyes.

“You can’t possibly think you’re going outside at this time of night.” She scolded, hands on her hips.

His mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, unsure of what to say.

Arthur looked around at the longing eyes of his children that were still trained on the window behind him and smiled.

“Now Molly, it’s Christmas Eve. Let them go play.”

“I’ll go too mum, I’ll keep an eye on everyone.” Bill added.

Everyone’s eyes drifted to their mother, waiting as she thought over her answer.

“Oh, alright!”

She had hardly gotten the words out when the sound of chairs scraping against the wooden floor filled the room, all of her children eager to get their coats on and head outside into the winter wonderland.

You were halfway to the door when you spun back to grab a cookie. As you did, you saw that Percy was still sitting at the table with your parents and you shook your head with a smile.

“Come on Perce!” You said, tugging on his sleeve.

Despite his protests, you didn’t miss the little twitch of a smile he tried to hide. You knew he loved you all, he just didn’t always know how to show it.

You and your siblings stumbled over each other trying to get your snow gear on and be the first out the door. Ron won that race having had a head start, but the rest of you followed quickly behind.

You and Ginny held hands and spun in circles together, heads thrown back and mouths open to catch snowflakes on your tongues. Giggles erupted from the two of you as you began to get dizzy, but neither of you wanted to stop.

That is until something hard hit your shoulder.

The two of you snapped your heads to the side, seeing the twins laughing to themselves.

You had hardly processed what had happened when you felt a half-formed snowball slam on the top of your head. Your jaw dropped as your hands moved to your hair, suddenly regretting that you’d forgone a hat in your hurry to get outside.

You turned to Ginny who was now laughing so hard she could hardly breathe.

“It’s every wizard for themselves!” You yelled, quickly packing a snowball and throwing it at an unsuspecting Ginny, running away before she could get her revenge.

Runny nose, my frosty toes // Are getting cold but I feel alive so I smile wide // The snowflakes start falling and I start to float // 'Til my mean older brother stuffs snow down my coat

The snowball fight died down after a while, a truce being declared when your fingers became too cold to form any more snowballs.

Unfortunately, the terms of the truce included the twins claiming victory. You all disagreed with that call, but the fight would have gone on for another hour if you hadn’t agreed with it.

You could hardly feel your toes anymore, and you’d begun sniffling about halfway through the battle, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. As cold and tired as you were, you never wanted this moment to end.

While the snow was no longer untouched, you still thought it was the most beautiful sight you’d ever seen. The snow was still falling, but at a much slower rate, and the wind had died down as well, leaving the flakes to dance gracefully to the ground on their own. The tree branches were topped with a layer of snow, and you wondered how long it would last before it melted and turned to icicles instead. But best of all, the front yard was now home to eight snow angels, one for each of you.

A figure appeared at your side, and when you turned around you found George next to you studying the snow angels just as you had been.

“I can’t believe we got Percy to make one.”

You shrugged. “He’s not that bad.”

He turned to look at you in disbelief. “He sucks the fun out of everything. Hogwarts has been great, but he seems to be around every corner ruining all the fun. I’m sure it’ll be even worse next year if he makes Prefect like Bill and Charlie did.”

“You probably deserve it though.” You laughed, but your smile faded as you noticed the mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

“Perhaps.” He winked.

Before you could turn around, you felt something ice cold drip down your back.

Your eyes widened as you spun around to catch Fred laughing behind you, his mittens still covered in snow.

“FRED!” You screamed. “What happened to the truce?”

He and George spun around and ran, laughing all the way.

“That wasn’t technically a snowball!” They chorused in sync.

You grabbed a handful of snow of your own, and ran after their retreating figures, determined to give them a taste of their own medicine.

All this holiday cheer // Heaven knows where it goes // But it returns every year

Molly eventually put an end to the winter shenanigans and called you all back inside. As you walked through the doorway and stripped from your winter clothes, she handed you each a mug of hot chocolate.

“Thanks mum.” You smiled, giving her a kiss on the cheek as you walked into the living room to cuddle up by the fireplace.

You and Ginny sat on the floor together, sharing a blanket. It was just large enough to wrap around both of your shoulders as long as you sat close enough. The warmth that radiated from the blanket and the fireplace was nothing compared to the warmth in your heart as you looked around at the rest of your family.

Molly and Arthur sat together on the couch cuddled up together, Arthur pressing a gentle kiss to Molly’s cheek. Percy had hardly touched his hot chocolate, instead giving his complete focus to the book he was reading. Bill sat in the rocking chair with his eyes closed, gently rocking back and forth to the beat of Celestina Warbeck’s Nothing Like a Holiday Spell as it played on the radio. Fred and George sat by the tree whispering to themselves as they pointed at different presents, probably trying to guess what was inside them. Charlie seemed to be doing the same thing you were, sitting in the arm chair and stirring his hot chocolate as he looked around the room with a content smile. And you could just barely see Ron from where you were sitting. He was in the kitchen by the cookies, and you had no doubt he was stuffing his face with them.

There was something in the air tonight. Maybe it was the Christmas miracle of getting a white Christmas just hours before Christmas arrived. Maybe it was because for once in your life your family was quiet and peaceful, just enjoying each other’s company. Or maybe there was just something about the holidays that felt magical.

Whatever it was, you wanted to savor it while it lasted.

What's December without Christmas Eve?

[calligraphist-artemisia]

Guiding the Way

Written for the Kidge Spring Event!

Prompt 5: Fern and Oak | Shelter and Strength

Years ago, @uraraaaaaaan mentioned wanting a Kidge Sentinel/Guide AU and I wrote down the idea, always intending to go back and write it. Finally, I have.

Summary: Sentinel/Guide AU. Pidge had long given up on meeting a Sentinel who would be strong enough to provide the balance she needed. It wasn't until her first day at the Galaxy Garrison that she began to see a glimmer of hope that maybe they were nearby.

Also posted on AO3 under the username Kishirokitsune

❀ - ❀ - ❀ - ❀ - ❀

The first time Pidge felt it was during her tour of the facilities of the Galaxy Garrison.

It began as a low ringing in her ears, a sensation that was immediately brushed off as nothing unusual. She automatically tightened her emotional control as a foreign feeling of loneliness and hopelessness began to creep over her, pushing it away so she wouldn't become overwhelmed. She looked around and watched as a few others in her tour group, as well as a few cadets who were roaming the halls, began to shift in unease, some of them rubbing their ears or gingerly massaging their temples, as though hoping a physical reaction would ward it off.

The ringing intensified with a single pulse that drowned out all other noise.

One minute Pidge was standing and the next she was on the ground, slumped against a wall with her head in her hands, struggling to breathe. There was a hand on her shoulder and, as her hearing returned, she could begin to make out someone coaching her through a breathing exercise.

“Sh-Shiro?” she gasped out.

Takashi Shirogane smiled softly at her. “I'm here, Katie. Don't speak right now: just breathe. You'll be okay.”

As she lifted her head to look around, Pidge saw that not everyone was affected by the sound. If she had to guess, around one out of twenty people were affected the same way she was. She waited until her breathing had mostly evened out before speaking again. “What was that?”

“A Sentinel suffering from Overload,” Shiro said, sounding apologetic. “Commander Holt never mentioned that you're a Guide.”

“It's not really important,” Pidge lied. She knew he was curious about why she chose to keep it such a secret, but she was much more curious in learning why a Sentinel who was suffering so badly was kept in a place like the Galaxy Garrison.

“So, who's this Sentinel you mentioned?” she asked.

“Keith,” spat out a nearby cadet with brown hair, who was being helped to his feet by a girl with short blonde hair.

Shiro stiffened. “Cadet Hawkins is--!”

“Well, they can't keep him hidden forever!” snapped the cadet, jerking his head to look in their direction. His face paled as he got a look at who he had yelled at. “Lieutenant Shirogane, I'm sorry! I didn't know it was you!”

Shiro ignored him and instead helped Pidge to her feet. “Officer Johnson, I'll be taking Cadet Holt from here. I'll be sure to return her to her dorm by curfew.”

The woman clutched her clipboard to her chest and pursed her lips together in a thin line, but in the end, she didn't voice her dislike of the breach in protocol and allowed Shiro to whisk Pidge away. She ordered the remaining new cadets to reform a line and continued with the tour.

Pidge trotted after Shiro and waited until they were a suitable distance away before beginning her questioning anew. “Are you going to tell me what's going on? Who's this 'Keith' guy anyway?”

Shiro ushered her into an unoccupied room before answering. “Keith is an exceptionally strong Sentinel. Strong enough that we've been unable to find a Guide who is capable of bonding with him. I... That is, myself and some of the other high officers thought it would help if we moved him away from the Garrison, but it doesn't seem to have made a difference.”

Pidge's jaw dropped. “He's not even on the grounds? Just how wide is his range?”

“Immeasurable,” Shiro said with a grimace. “As you can tell, there are those who are unhappy with the way we've handled things, but they also believe that he's still within Garrison grounds. They cannot know how far away he is. There has already been talking of sending him to a... specialized facility to try and help him regain control.”

There was something about the tone Shiro used that made Pidge think that moving Keith to such a place would be the worst thing they could do. What kind of facility could help a Sentinel who was suffering from Overload, anyway? People had studied it for years and couldn't find an artificial way to prevent it or the Guide equivalent of Apathy.

“The only thing we can do is keep him as comfortable as possible and hope we find a Guide who is capable of bonding with him,” Shiro said.

Pidge remained silent as Shiro led her back out into the hall and picked up her tour where Officer Johnson had left off. All the while, she thought of the mysterious Keith and wondered if maybe, just maybe, he was the Sentinel she'd been searching for.

She came Online as a Guide at the age of 8 – much earlier than most and to the great confusion of her family, who had never considered preparing for such an event. It took years of talking to older guides, of being pulled out of school, of emotional outbursts, of failed attempts to find a Sentinel for her to bond with, and a very near-slip into Apathy before she was able to control her abilities enough to go out and be around crowds again.

As Sentinels and Guides were two sides of a single coin, so were Overload and Apathy.

For Sentinels, who were most well-known for their inhuman strength, excellent eyesight, and an enhanced sense of smell, Overload was the result of being overwhelmed by those physical senses in a way that was difficult to turn off without help.

For Guides, who were known for their sense of empathy (and who historically had been accused of reading minds because of the way they could sense emotions of those around them), Apathy was what happened when it all became too much. First came the maelstrom of emotions around them, followed by them overcompensating to try and regain control, which inevitably led to a full emotional shutdown.

Bonding was beneficial to both parties – and could be considered necessary for them to live long and healthy lives.

Because she came Online at such a young age, Pidge was an uncommonly strong Guide. She had to work harder than most to try and block out the emotions of those around her, as well as to keep her own under control. It also meant that she needed a Sentinel who was capable of providing the balance she needed.

“I want to meet him,” Pidge stated, interrupting Shiro in the middle of his description of the Gymnasium and the courses offered there. She stopped walked and gazed up at him, a stubborn glint in her eyes. “I want to meet Keith.”

Shiro hesitated for a moment and then nodded. “Tonight. After dinner.”

❀ - ❀ - ❀ - ❀ - ❀

Keith's morning began on a high note.

There was no bright sunlight streaming in from the windows where the heavy curtains couldn't quite cover. The temperature inside the house was just right – not too hot and not too cold.  Better yet, his blankets and clothing didn't feel like sandpaper grating against his skin. He got up slowly, taking the time to enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasted.

It never lasted for long.

He knew that from experience.

He shuffled across the floor into the bathroom where he took care of his usual morning ablutions before heading into the kitchen to prepare a breakfast of plain oatmeal, which was typically bland enough that he wouldn't become overwhelmed. It was when he uncapped the milk to begin heating it up that things went wrong.

Keith gagged, immediately fighting the bile rising at the back of his throat. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the milk, which Shiro had bought the day before, but the smell of it was still too much. He managed to twist the cap back on and shoved the carton into the fridge (which was missing a lightbulb to avoid agitating his eyes) before he dropped to the floor as his Overload kicked in and made his senses go haywire.

Suddenly, everything was too much.

His head throbbed in agony and Keith clenched his teeth, trying in vain to hold on, but it was all too much and darkness soon rushed up to meet him.

Keith didn't know how much time had gone by when he woke again. The house was still dark and quiet, but all of him ached from passing out on the hard kitchen floor and it took him a few long minutes to slowly stretch and try to alleviate that pain before he felt well enough to stand up and try to cook again.

The oatmeal was as bland and tasteless as ever, especially when made with plain water – Keith didn't want to risk opening the milk again – but it was inoffensive enough that he could force it down and truthfully tell Shiro that he'd eaten something. There wasn't much else for Keith to do after that. His head hurt too badly to do anything productive, though he knew he should, at the very least, attempt to meditate again.

It was something Shiro was always getting on him for; his friend was convinced that meditation would be the thing to help him, but how could it when he couldn't concentrate long enough to do it? How could it when it only seemed to amplify his senses?

Keith laid down on top of his makeshift bed and stared at the dark ceiling.

Hours passed.

Keith slipped into a state somewhere between being awake and asleep and only jostled free by the agonizingly loud sound of the front door unlocking and then squeaking open. Out of habit, he kept his eyes closed to prevent being blinded by the rays of the setting sun and because of that, his only indication that Shiro wasn't alone was the sound of a second set of much lighter footsteps following along behind him.

“Who's with you?” Keith asked, his voice barely rising above a whisper.

He heard the door shut and only then dared to open his eyes, focusing immediately on the young woman wearing the familiar orange uniform of the Galaxy Garrison. He couldn't muster up the energy to ask again and turned his head away in dismissal.

“Keith, this is Pidge,” Shiro said softly. “She's a Guide.”

Keith couldn't bring himself to react to the news. He'd tried to bond with so many Guides over the past few years that he had given up on ever finding the right one. He was too tired to keep trying.

Someone shuffled closer and Keith could hear Shiro saying his name, but it was as though he was speaking from a great distance. Was that... bad? He couldn't fully bring himself to care. What did it matter? Nothing mattered. There was nothing that could help him. Nothing.

A hand. Light and gentle over his own. Warm. Pleasant.

A voice. Soothing and quiet. Refreshing, in a way.

Perfume. Subtle. Soft citrus and something earthy. Like the forest after a thunderstorm.

And in the back of his mind, a tendril of worry unfurled and prodded him until he opened his eyes and he found himself face-to-face with a girl – Pidge, wasn't it? – with golden eyes. He blinked and relief blossomed across her face, echoed by that tendril creeping deeper into his mind.

They weren't his emotions, Keith realized all at once.

A bond. Slow to form, but effortlessly strong once it took root. He could feel it there and instinctively knew that all he needed to do was reach out and accept it. He breathed in and then out, slow and steady, all the while maintaining eye contact. He twisted his hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Hello,” Keith said hoarsely.

A tiny laugh bubbled up from Pidge's throat as she smiled, and Keith could feel the pop of joy inside himself, bursting bright like sunshine. “Hi,” she responded, slightly breathless.

Shiro settled onto the floor next to Pidge and Keith tilted his head to look at his oldest friend, taking in the traces of deep concern across his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't think of anything to say except: “I ate this morning.”

“Oatmeal?” Shiro guessed with a grin.

Keith nearly groaned. He hadn't meant to say that out loud!

Shiro chuckled as he stood up. “Why don't you two stay put and I'll see what I can make for dinner. Once your bond starts to settle, you'll both need to eat.” He paused a moment, looking down at both of them with a soft expression, and then strode across the room into the kitchenette, where he began searching the cupboards for anything edible.

Keith turned his attention back to Pidge.

Back to his Guide.

And it was as she introduced herself that Keith got the first inkling that everything was going to be alright from that point on. The longer she was there, the more the pain he felt so intensely before was easing away. Things no longer sounded as loud. The room actually appeared dark to him. (Actually, it was a wonder that Shiro could actually see in the kitchen. He should probably tell him he could turn on a light.)

Yes. Things would be better.

[marshmallow-phd]

Catching Rain

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Wolf!AU

Pairing: Minseok x Reader

Summary: You were more than satisfied with your life. You attended a nice college, had nice friends, a nice boyfriend. That’s what your life was: nice. You weren’t looking for anything more, so what were you to do when this seemingly harmless boy walked into your life and turned your nice little world into one much more dangerous?

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I Epilogue

**

Popcorn ceilings were simultaneously the worst and the best. The crumbs and clusters that fell from above when the upstairs neighbors stomped around or dropped a heavy textbook, shaking the room, were annoying to constantly pick up, especially when they covered the bed. But on mornings like this when you were wide awake at an unfathomable hour, you could stare at the patterns hidden in the ceiling to occupy your mind. You found faces and animals and even the occasional word among the speckles. The game did wonders to occupy your thoughts, letting the time tick by without you constantly checking the hour. However, the nervous churn of your stomach never fully disappeared.

Saturdays were supposed to be fun. A day of relaxation. Even if you were finishing up a project or homework, there was no rush to it. Each step could be taken at a pace that kept you calm and under control. Afterwards, you were free to do whatever your heart felt drawn towards. You could see a movie, take a walk in the park, or even stay cooped up in your dorm to binge the latest TV show. But today would not be one of recreation free from stress. Today, you were meeting up with Minseok. And there was an excitement to that, an anticipation, like you were standing in line to go backstage to meet your favorite band. But there was also a less joyful feeling underneath. Though surely your stomach was empty by now, the nauseated roared on, threatening to overspill. 

“(y/n)?”

Flipping over to your side, you looked over at the other bed in the room. Willa had awoken and sat up, her hair sticking up in all directions like a cartoon. One hand rubbed the sleepiness out of a still closed eye while the other stretched out into the air as far as it would go. A long yawn stopped any other words from escaping so you waited it out. “How long have you been awake?”

You shrugged with your one exposed shoulder. “I don’t know. A while.”

“Yeesh. It’s Saturday. It’s like the holy day of sleeping in.”

You smiled at her exaggeration. “My brain just decided it was done resting.”

“Plans you’re looking forward to, perhaps?”

The question was innocent enough, if a little cheeky. It was Saturday, after all, and you did have the tendency to get so worked up over things that you couldn’t sleep, like a child on Christmas Eve unable to dream in anticipation of the next morning’s surprise. But that didn’t stop the swift panic that made your heart jump. 

“Just a project I really need to get started on,” you lied smoothly as you sat up, turning so your legs now dangled off the edge of the bed. Well, it wasn’t really that much of a lie. But wasn’t it a lie when you omitted part of the truth on purpose? Fingernails digging into the cotton sheets that covered the standard dorm mattress that made your back ache, you contemplated spilling the beans ricocheting in your stomach. You were spared making a decision. 

“Speaking of projects,” Willa yawned. “I’m stuck in another group where I’m sure I’ll be doing most of the work.”

You raised an eyebrow, knowing your friend’s history all too well. “And why do you think you’ll be doing all the work?”

“Because no one seemed interested in what I had to say and trying to get a time to get together was nearly impossible.”

Definite warning signs, but not unusual in a college environment. “Okay. So, make sure you get your work done. Anyone who doesn’t get their part done, take they’re name off of it. No one learns if things come easy and are done for them.”

Willa frowned. “So, you’re saying worry only about myself?”

“Sort of.” You sighed. This was your big issue with group projects. Yes, they were supposed to teach you to work with others (because there wasn’t enough of that in secondary school, apparently) but some professors didn’t care if you tried to get the others to work when they didn’t want or care to and the group suffered for it grade-wise. College in the classroom wasn’t supposed to be about life lessons – it was supposed to be about the material. “Continue to try to get them to cooperate, but if you see after a few times that it’s pointless, drop it. I’m sure someone else in your group will help out, too.”

The pout on Willa’s lips told you that she wasn’t completely on board with your suggestion. “Yeah, okay. I guess I’ll wait it out.”

“Good. In the end, it’s up to you, though.” Jumping out of bed, you headed over to the bathroom you shared with the room next door. After conducting your morning business, you went to the tiny closet and got dressed. “Want to get breakfast?”

“I can’t,” Willa said regretfully. “I’ve got other plans.”

“Okay,” you said, not the least bit hurt. You had offered out of simple politeness. The more time you spent in your friend’s presence, the more tempted you would be to let out the incoherent thoughts that refused to organize themselves in your head. Yanking on a sneaker, you grabbed your keys and bag, waving to Willa as you hurried out the door. 

The student union was nearly deserted. Most who lived on campus were spending this weekend morning logically, which meant the corporate food choices were closed. Thankfully, the university-sponsored coffee shop was open. Already you were being hit with the smells of fresh pastries and dripping espresso. The cashier greeted you with a sleepy smile and waited patiently for you to make a decision. Once that was settled and you’d paid the tab, you walked over to an empty two-person table and sat down. It was only a minute or so later that the barista brought out your coffee and a warm scone. The berries baked within the dough were soft and juicy, leaking onto the surrounding pastry, which in turn soaked up the flavor in an addicting manner. You smiled to yourself with each bite. 

Pulling you out of the bliss, however, was your phone screen lighting up from your peripheral. With a squint, you picked it up and read the message as you chewed. It was from Minseok, once again confirming your ten o’clock meet up time in the library. According to the digital clock located at the top of your screen, you still had about thirty minutes before you needed to head over to the library. You set the phone face down on the table without replying. The thought of seeing him again in a mere few minutes was surging you more awake then the caffeine ever could. But you knew you shouldn’t be feeling this way.

The thing was, nothing was wrong with your relationship with Erik. He was sweet, supportive, caring. He listened and paid attention to you. He was a relationship dream. But it suddenly didn’t feel like enough anymore. Were you simply getting bored? Had you peeked over the fence and seen a greener field? It felt more complicated than that, but you couldn’t put your finger on the cause. Shaking your head, you sat back in the chair and sipped on the cooled off coffee. Maybe you should cancel, make up some excuse that you were sick or that something else had come up. Or maybe you should just tell him the truth that it was a bad idea to spend time with him and his child-like laugh. 

You were absolutely and utterly weak. In a flash, you were picking up your phone and sending a text that you would see him there. You lasted about five more minutes sitting in that shop before you were guzzling down the rest of your breakfast and heading out of the union to the other side of the courtyard where the library sat. It was still early, but it didn’t feel like a bad idea to go ahead and get started – or, at least, look like you’d gotten started. However, you were beaten to the punch. 

Sitting in one of the old donated chairs by the front windows of the library, Minseok flipped slowly through a book, engrossed in its pages. You couldn’t read the title to know what it was about, but the athlete on the front gave you a clue that it might be about soccer. He saw you the second you stepped inside, closing the book and tossing it in his bag. “Hey, you’re early!” The smile spread quickly across his face, letting you know that your arrival well before the allotted time was not discouraged in the slightest. 

A strange, gripping warmth shrouded over you. Like a hug in the middle of a harsh winter, you melted, feeling safe and comforted. An invisible rope made of steel cable was reeling you in closer to Minseok. No saw or knife in the world could sever it, you were sure. Coming here to the library felt like a final choice. Turning back would no longer be an option to you. A dark sea lied before you, but on the horizon, a possible promise of Treasure Island.

“Are you ready?” 

You blinked, having gotten lost in your own metaphor. “Yeah,” you said with a smile. “Ready to learn about math. Yay.” There was absolutely no enthusiasm in your sarcastic cheer, but it made Minseok laugh. The two of you found a round table near the back of the second floor where the reference books were housed. 

“So,” he beamed at you as soon as you were all unpacked, “to finish my thought from last time….”

“Yes! You had an idea!”

“Unless you were able to come up with something you wanted to do?” he offered. You snorted as your reply. He laughed. “I had a feeling.”

“So, then what’s your idea?” you challenged. 

“Marketing.”

You frowned, confused. “Marketing?” You didn’t see the connection. 

“Yeah.” Looking around, Minseok motioned with his head. “Come on.” You followed him away from the table, through several aisles of books until you came to a small corner where worn and peeling covers gave clues to the context between the pages. The titles you could read talked about marketing statistics and “eye-catching strategies”. Pulling a book off the shelf, he held it out for you to see. 

In the Masses Eye.

“What’s this?”

“It’s called old fashioned research.”

You rolled your eyes. “I understand that part. I meant marketing... and this book in particular.”

“I think marketing might be your best angle to go with on this project,” he explained. “There’s a correlation between what people see and what makes them buy a product. A bad picture that isn’t well thought out can deter sales. According to statistics, at least.”

The hinges in your jaw came loose, leaving the bottom half of your mouth hanging open. “How did you come up with that?”

A pink hue flushed on his cheeks. He even seemed to shrink in on himself as his shoulders rose and he leaned up against the shelf. “I like things like this.”

You erupted in giggles, covering your mouth and hiding your face with the book. What was he doing to you? Collecting yourself and searching for a distraction, you pulled a few more books out of their spots and flipped through them without purpose. But soon your eyes caught on to what Minseok was originally saying. Certain pictures stuck out to you, making you stop and take a second look. It was exactly the effect you tried to achieve with your own shots. You smiled, delighted. 

“See what I’m talking about?” Minseok said quietly. He didn’t say it with a cocky tone or snark, just simply inquiring. 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Yeah, I do. In fact-” A blaring song rang out from your pocket. “Shoot!” You struggled to pull your phone out, having forgotten to put the ringer on silent. It was Erik calling you. “Hello?”

“Hey, babe!” Erik greeted cheerfully. “I know I said I was going to be busy all day, but we’re taking a break so I thought you might want to grab an early lunch.”

“Oh, um.” You looked up at Minseok. He waited patiently during your conversation, lips sucked in and his gaze set on you. But there was also a tension in his stance that you couldn’t understand. It was only now hitting you that you never had that conversation with Erik. You never told him that you were even doing this extra credit, never mind who was helping you. Right now did not seem like a good time to go into those details. “I… can’t. I’m kind of already knee-deep in this project and if I stop now then I’ll lose traction. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I understand. Maybe we can grab something tomorrow?”

“Um, sure. I’ll let you know.” You hung up without saying goodbye, needing desperately to end the awkward exchange. Quickly turning the ringer to silent, you clumsily shoved the device back in your pocket. An odd tension hung in the air between you and Minseok, neither sure of how to continue the earlier conversation. 

“So, was that your boyfriend?” Minseok finally asked in a quiet tone. He made “boyfriend” sound like a curse word. 

“Erik,” you confirmed with a nod. “He’s an artist. Right now he’s working on the sets for the theatre department.” You weren’t sure why that information needed to be shared, but it was out before you could think. 

Minseok bobbed his head, but you had a feeling he was only half-listening. “You guys been together long?”

“A few years.”

“Ah.”

Something along the lines of defeat seemed to glaze over his eyes as they shifted to the floor. You didn’t like seeing him in this state. A pain manifested itself in your chest. You certainly preferred the happier, more enthusiastic Minseok who bounced on his feet in constant excitement and tilted his head to amplify his attention. That constant feeling of guilt had done a one-eighty on you. Now instead of feeling it towards Erik, you felt it for the person in front of you. On their own, your fingers reached out. They hovered in the empty space, unsure of the right move. You longed to caress his face in comfort. But that would be inappropriate; crossing a line that should have been a mile wide. Yet stepping over it seemed as easy as stepping over a shallow creek.

You willed the power to pull back and let your hand drop to your side. Minseok, however, still managed to take some contact, brushing his fingers against the back of your hand as he took the books from you. An electric shiver ran up your spine. When his skin was gone, you almost whimpered. You questioned how well your fingers would fit in the spaces between his own. And if that electricity would go on forever at the prolonged contact. 

“We should get back to the project.”

“Right.” You cleared your throat. Hiding in this back corner was giving your brain ideas and following down paths that were clearly unmarked, dangerous even. 

Back at the table, the two of you worked on the project, bouncing around ideas of how to use the statistics of marketing that the resources gave and applying it to your own photography. A few hours later, you had the full back bone of your project completed. All you needed was to break down the expressions and equations that would back your claims. But your brain was done for the day. However, that didn’t mean you were done with Minseok. 

“You know, I just realized I don’t know much about you,” you said as you packed away your things. 

Minseok shrugged as he gathered up the books to put back in their homes. “I’m not sure if there’s much to know.”

“Everyone has something worth knowing.”

“Touche.” The smile was coming back. Good. Perhaps it was selfish, but you were feeling lighter due to his own lifting mood. “But I don’t know where to start. I mean… I’m a math major-”

“That I already knew,” you laughed.

“Right. Um….”

“Do you live on campus?” you offered as a starting point. 

He shook his head. “No. I live out of town, a ways out. My friends and I live in a farmhouse in the woods.”

“A farmhouse in the woods!” you exclaimed. That sounded like a dream. Or the setting of a YA novel. “How many of you live there?”

“Including me? Twe- Nine.”

You were confused as to why he suddenly changed numbers, but the sad look that was here and gone in his eyes made you think it was best not to ask. “Nine? Wow. Isn’t that crowded?”

“Sometimes. But really, it's more comforting than anything. We’re like brothers so it doesn’t feel as overwhelming as it sounds. Although, sometimes I do really need the quiet.” The Minseok from before the phone call was nearly completely back. The weight was dropping from your shoulders as you saw the tension leave his. 

“Where do you go then? When you need quiet?”

He smirked. “I go for a run. In the woods.”

The wolf from the clearing flashed in your mind, as well as the campers who were attacked. “Isn’t that dangerous?”

Minseok shook his head. “Not for me. I know those trees pretty well.”

You scoffed. Boys and their confidence. 

Standing up and throwing your bag over your shoulder, Minseok walked you out of the library, telling you more about his roommates, mostly about Jongdae, his hot headed best friend. In turn, you told funny stories about you and the shenanigans Willa dragged you into. So lost in the conversation, you stayed standing in the middle of the courtyard. You should have said goodbye, but you kept putting it off, bringing up new subjects to keep talking.

“Minseok!”

The two of you turned to see a small group of students coming your way, one waving their arm in the air with extreme enthusiasm. Minseok cringed as they came up, scratching the space behind his ear. He gave off the air that being caught like this was the last thing he wanted, even if the scene was innocent enough. 

“You didn’t tell us that you were going to be here today,” the tallest boy said. He had a jolly, lopsided smile and ears that stuck out. 

Minseok shrugged. “I forgot.” His eyes flickered over to you. “Oh, um, guys, this is... (y/n). (y/n), this Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Sehun, and Jongin. They’re some of the friends I live with.”

“Oh!” You lit up at being able to meet a few of the roommates. “Hi! It’s nice to meet you!”

“You, too!” the one who Minseok pointed out as Baekhyun said. He eyed Minseok suspiciously, a sly grin on his face. “We were going to get some lunch. Do you guys want to join us?”

You opened your mouth to accept the invitation, but Minseok beat you. 

“Actually, we were just saying bye.”

You looked at him, confused. Sure, technically you were done working on the project, but you were enjoying this down time after the fact. He hadn’t seem like he wanted to part either. At least, before his friends showed up. 

Jongin seemed to catch on to the contorted expression on your face. “Are you alright?”

It took you a second to absorb his question, but when you did, you slapped on a fake smile. “Yeah, of course. I’ve got to meet up with my boyfriend, but thank you for the invite.”

“Maybe another time.”

“Yeah, maybe. It was nice to meet you, though.” You gave a slightly less enthusiastic expression to Minseok. “Thanks again for your help. I’ll see you later.”

He gave you a small wave. “I’ll see you later.”

You walked away, shoulders drooping. The switch that happened before your eyes made your head hurt, like whiplash. Was Minseok… embarrassed to be seen with you? You didn’t think there was anything particularly shameful about you. But what else would make him not want you around for lunch with the very people he was talking about mere minutes before with joy and laughter? It didn’t make any sense. All you could focus on was the shut down. As you headed for the theatre, you tried to tell yourself that there was no reason to be upset. He was not your close friend. He was merely a… tutor, for lack of a better word. And that’s all he would be, apparently. 

You approached the theatre doors, unsure of where else to go. If you thought your feelings were stirred up this morning, now they felt like they were stumbling off the world’s most twisted roller coaster, unable to even stand on their own. Just how bruised would you be when you finally fell down?

[allfandomxreader]

During // Till Death Do Us Part

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: You always knew marriage was never easy, you’ve heard that all your life. But this doesn’t feel like a marriage anymore, and hasn’t for a long time.

Warnings: Major angst and alluded depression

Words: 2.9k

A/N: I don’t know what I was on but in the last part I said Aiden was four… He’s definitely six. (I went back and edited that for new readers) Also!! Imagining Tom on FaceTime with the kids in this gif made me soft™

Part: 3/5

Main Masterlist // Series Masterlist

Not my gif, and as always, feedback loved and appreciated :)

The silence that fills the kitchen is deafening. Neither of you can look at one another, your statement still fresh in the air. You can’t ignore the heaviness you’ve been carrying any longer. It creeps off your shoulders and into the living room, it fills the whole house. You wonder if he can feel it too.

As any other couple, you’ve had your fair share of arguments over the years. Almost always they were stupid; someone said something that hurt the other’s feelings or one of you forgot to wash the dishes or lock the door.

There were very few times that you yelled at each other, and those were always the worst fights. The kind where you’re at each other’s throats, tossing blame back in forth for so long you don’t even remember whose fault it was in the first place, if there was even a fault at all. The kind where you’d scream and sometimes cry, where he’d pull his hair in frustration and raise his voice even more. But they were always fixable.

This one was different. You said the worst thing you possibly could, out of pain and anger or even as a threat, you can’t really tell. Nevertheless, Tom went along with it silently. He didn’t try to talk you out of it or say that you could work through this.

Nobody ever goes into marriage prepared for a divorce. You marry because you see yourself spending the rest of your life with someone you love, someone you can’t bear to live without. That’s exactly who Tom was. Maybe he didn’t see you in the same way anymore.

You think of the paper stashed in the wedding album upstairs. You don’t need it in front of you to know what exactly what’s written. The final line has always been your favorite part, “I promise I’ll love you forever. Even after my heart stops beating, know it still belongs to you.” You know those vows remain truthful, even now. You’ll love him forever, even if papers get signed and the two of you part ways, even when fifty years has passed, you’ll still love Tom with all of your being.

You’re torn at this thought. Divorce wouldn’t make much sense then if it causes so much pain, if you’re still this infatuated with your partner. You know that in the end, when the divorce gets finalized, you’ll never the same, you’ll never be able to love another the way you do him. Another person wouldn’t mean half as much to you as Tom does. But you also know that if you stay, if you keep pretending, you will lose every piece of yourself. You wonder if being in love with Tom is scarier than not loving him at all.

You can’t help but stare at the rings adorning your finger. The jewels glisten in the kitchen light, capturing all your attention. You often did this when they were first placed there, it never felt real that you married Tom, almost like a dream. You never thought a time would come where you’d take them off indefinitely.

Tom clears his throat suddenly. He twists the gold band on his finger, unsure of what to say, unsure of what comes next. “What uh—” he coughs, choking back tears. “Do we tell the kids?” He looks at you then, trying to read you only to find that it’s impossible. Your eyes are distant when you look back.

“I’ll tell them you’re filming,” You say finally, “they’re used to you being gone, they won’t know the difference.” Your statement hurts despite it being nothing but truthful. Has he really been gone for so long?

“Right,” He sighs. He doesn’t know how, but he finds the strength to stand. “I guess we’ll be in touch.” He waits for a moment, to see if you’ll follow his actions, to see if you reach for his hand and refuse to let go. But you don’t budge, you remain frozen in your chair, even as he reaches the front door.

You thought he’d take the heaviness with him. As if he could pack it into his suitcase and roll it out the door. But when he leaves, it becomes unbearable. You collapse under weight of his absence, finally facing what you’ve been hiding from for so long.

Goodbyes have been common throughout your life with him, each one getting progressively worse than the time before. You’d always hold him close, he’d promise it’d only be a short while until his return. And then, he’d board the plane and call you once he landed. You wish you would’ve kissed him a little longer back then, held him a little tighter. This time, there is no promise, there’s no kiss goodbye or a final ‘I love you’. He’s just gone. You know he’s never coming back to you.

It only gets harder as the days pass. Charlie and Aiden still call him at their usual time, and to your surprise, he answers every night. You try your best to stay out of the frame, mainly for yourself. You can’t bring yourself to look at him, you fear that the façade you’ve built will crumble the second you see him. You almost break each time you just hear his voice.

He sounds tired, his voice is strained. It’s not something the kids pick up on, something only you could know after spending so many years with him. You try to convince yourself that very few people have learned how to decode him by the way he speaks. Then again, maybe it’s just how he sounds these days. You can’t be sure.

Even though you’ve dodged as many FaceTime encounters as humanly possible, it’s still hard trying to avoid him. Living in the same house that’s full of his belongings, you see him everywhere. In his tea mug on the top shelf, his shoes still kicked by the front door. His clothes that hang in the closet, scent still fresh. It’s nauseating, it’s unbearable.

It’s been two weeks and Tom hasn’t seen you. He hasn’t your voice except for at night when you tell the kids it’s time for bed. He’s falling apart, unravelling at the seams.

He sits in his hotel room in silence, staring out the window. It’s only a few miles from where he calls home. He tries to spot the house in the distance, even though trees and buildings shield his view. He thinks of how easy it would be to reach you. He’d take a few right turns and drive straight to you. But he can’t bring himself to even grab the keys.

Harrison sits at the end of the bed, filling the room with the typing on his laptop. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t have the words to say, he doesn’t know how to help his best friend. All he knows for sure is that Tom can’t be alone.

Tom moves towards his phone when it rings. There’s a brightness that returns to Tom’s eyes when he reads your name, a tinge of hope courses through his body. It’s an odd hour for you to be calling. He thinks it could Charlie or Aiden, that maybe they got ahold of your phone, but dismisses the idea when he remembers they’re in school.

“Hey, are you at the hotel?” His stomach erupts with butterflies, the kind he had when the two of you first started dating. “This is it” He thinks, “She’ll come over and we’ll sort everything out. We won’t need to end this. There’s still a chance.”

“Y-yeah,” He chokes out, clutching the cell closer to his ear, memorizing the way you sound. It’s been too long.

“Okay, great,” He notes that you’re just getting off work, he can hear you opening and closing the door to your car. He almost celebrates remembering your schedule, but quickly realizes that it’s been the same for years. “Sorry—”

“Don’t apologize,” He says softly. It occours to him, he doesn’t know what you’re apologizing for. Either way, you’re the last person that needs to. He can’t help but feel responsible, that you’re in this situation because of him.

“Right. Anyways, I’m having someone come with the papers, I can’t serve them to you myself.” He gulps, swallowing what he swore were butterflies but now they feel more like bees. No matter what they are, they drop dead one by one as you keep speaking. “I just didn’t want to do it while you were in public and bring attention to it for your sake.”

Even in the end, you’re still looking out for him. Putting the needs of his career before your own, making sure he was still a priority. Tom wishes never stopped making you his.

He hangs up after you say a soft farewell, dropping the phone to the floor. His eyes meet Harrison’s, already glossing with tears. “It’s over,” Tom whispers as Harrison crosses the room, wrapping Tom into his arms. “My marriage is over.”

It’s been hard for Tom to wake up in the mornings for almost a month straight, it’s even harder today. He forces himself to get out of bed. His eyes burn from lack of sleep and his back is stiff from the uncomfortable hotel mattress. He reaches for the nice dress pants and button up shirt Harrison bought for him a few days prior. Tom couldn’t bring himself to return home to grab more of his things.

He gets ready in a daze, going through his routine by pure muscle memory. He doesn’t feel like himself these days, he hasn’t felt like himself since he sat across from you in the kitchen. He wants to crawl back into bed even though he knows sleep won’t come. He wants to stay within the dark four walls and never leave again. But he also knows that this is not the day.

Of course, you’re already seated when Tom enters the office. He isn’t late, he’s actually a few minutes early, and yet, he feels like he’s let you down again. That seems to be what he’s best at lately.

“Good morning, Mr. Holland,” Thaddeus begins. Tom can’t remember the lawyer’s last name for the life of him, all he knows is Thaddeus has a reputation for getting divorces finalized as quick as possible. Is that what it’s come to? Ten years of marriage, of memories, of love, just to be thrown away in the few short months to follow? “Ms. Y/L/N,” Tom flinches then, he hasn’t heard anyone call you that in what feels like a lifetime.

You introduced yourself that morning with your maiden name. You figured you’d go back to it soon enough, might as well start getting used to it. And even though it’s the name you spent most of your life with, it feels so foreign, so unpleasant on the tongue.

“I wish we could meet on better circumstances,” Thaddeus continues, taking a seat after shaking Tom’s hand.

Tom listens but doesn’t retain much. He’s overwhelmed by the situation entirely. He doesn’t know what went wrong for the two of you to end up here, side by side ready to end it all. He doesn’t know why you chose to introduce yourself with any other last name but his.

He sneaks a glance your way. Your head nods along with whatever the lawyer says, your hands folded in your lap. He doesn’t know how you do it, how you sit there so elegantly and poised while he’s breaking, barely held together by a string.  

“Usually, when there’s children involved, they’ll stay with the mother for the weeks,” Thaddeus gestures your way, “And every other weekend they’ll go with the father.” He nods towards Tom. “Have the two of you talked about custody? We can hold a hearing but it’s usually better for the parents to decide on their own.”

“We haven’t talked about it,” You say softly, almost sadly, “I just assumed I would have them since that’s how it’s been.” You look almost guilty when you meet Tom’s eyes.

“Are you okay with that, Tom?” Both sets of eyes land on Tom, each expecting an answer.

“Yes.” He answers, avoiding their looks and focusing his gaze to the cup of pens on the desk.

“I want to make it clear that Tom can see them whenever he wants. I’m not trying to keep them away from him. Whenever he comes back from filming or if he wants to see them for a random weekend he can. If you needed that in writing,” You explain. “You’re an extraordinary dad, Tom. The best they could have.”

You say it with honesty, you’ve never doubted Tom’s fathering abilities, but you want to make sure he truly knows you believe that. That you didn’t entirely mean they were just yourkids, the way you made it sound almost a month ago while arguing.

“In cases like your own, most of this can be discussed individually.” Thaddeus continues and speaks for another hour. Tom should’ve been listening to the entire conversation, but he only focuses on the important parts and talks when necessary.

When the meeting comes to a close, you stand, giving a tight smile to the lawyer and leaving the room without a second glance at Tom. He’s never felt so alone in his entire life, he always had you by his side, you were always there when he needed you most. He wonders how many times you needed him and he was nowhere to be found.

Maybe this was a long time coming, inevitable. Maybe he deserves to feel this way, he decides he does and quickly excuses himself from Thaddeus’ presence.

Tom can breathe again once he’s locked himself in the bathroom. His grips the cold sink in efforts to stop his hands from shaking. He lets himself cry, as if he hasn’t been doing just that for weeks. This time, the tears don’t seem to stop. They keep coming as he slides down the wall, pulling his knees to his chest. He tries his best to quiet the sobs with his hand, he didn’t want the whole building to hear the breaking of his heart.

When he wills himself to stand, he splashes his face with water, trying his best to clean himself up. There’s no use when he finally stares at his reflection. It’s the worst he’s ever seen. His eyes are brimmed red and sunken in, dark circles clear as day. He can’t even look at himself.

He beelines towards his car that’s parked on the side of the road. He tries his best to unlock it with ease, but the keys drop to the cement from his shaking hands. Tom takes a moment to collect his breath, to try and calm down as he grabs them from the ground.

When he stands, his eyes land on you. Even from across the street you captivate him. You sit in the driver’s seat, shoulders wracking with your own sobs. Your head is in your hands, shielding yourself from the world. You’re breaking just as much as he is.

Every part of Tom wants to turn to you, to fold you in his arms and vow to never make you hurt this way again. But he stands frozen in place. He doesn’t know how to fix this or even if he could. Most importantly, he doesn’t know if you want him to.

In an instant, he watches as you pull yourself together. You inhale sharply and then deflate. You wipe away your running mascara and tears. You practice forced smiles in the rearview mirror, and suddenly, sadness doesn’t leave a trace on your features. You’re back to the strong woman who sat beside him half an hour ago. You’ve made hiding your pain into an art form.

Tom doesn’t know how long you’ve had to do this, to feel this broken and alone. To pick up your pieces and put yourself back together again, for the kids, for the people around you. If he’s had to do it for only a month, he can’t imagine how long you have. He assumes much longer than necessary, and he hates himself for it.

Tom paces the hotel room for hours when he returns. He thinks of Charlie, he thinks of Aiden. He thinks of you. He can’t stop thinking about you. It’s here when it dawns on him. It wasn’t you who stopped fighting for him. He was, he stopped fighting entirely. You had just given up, something the two of you promised to never do. It was his turn to fight, or rather, to start. Then maybe, this or something here could be salvaged.

By now, it’s seven o’clock. He finds himself staring at the phone. You’ve always called at seven, it’s been that way for years. It’s the hour before the children’s bedtime. In the past, he’d read to them or talk about their day. Sometimes he’d watch Charlie practice for her dance recital or listen to Aiden talk about his homework. Some nights, he’d just sit there and watch them brush their teeth.

He doesn’t remember the last time he’s read to them over the phone. He hasn’t even bought new books the way he used to just for them to hear something different while he was away.

He looks out the window again. He tries to spot the house in the distance, even though trees and buildings still shield the view. He knows just how easy it would be to reach you. He knows the two right turns and then to drive North for a few miles. This time, he grabs the keys.

Tom Tags: @sophs-library

Forevertags: @superfrankie111 // @rueinn // @lemonadeorange73 // @simplechicwithacrazedheart // @youshutthefuckupville // @captainpeggy40 // @alexdamereysmith // @llatpdnmm​

Till Death Do Us Part: @hollandinq​ // @drishtisikarwar​ // @captainchrisstan​ // @chloecreatesfictions​ // @theliterarymess​ // @hollanddolanfangirl​

[tundrainafrica]

Title: A Tale of Two Slaves (8/17)

Summary:  “Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn’t exist. Everything is a choice.” At that moment, Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him.“

Reincarnation AU. Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn’t.

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Link to cross-postings: AO3

It was late enough in the morning an hour or so before lunch.

For most people it was a godly hour, not too early in the morning for most to still be shaking off sleepiness, not too late to be nap time for many others. The Levi of long ago would have been running from class to class or doing some extra training alone. Maybe he would have been going through timelines on social media.

Ironically though even with nothing much to occupy himself with, Levi was exhausted.

Possibly because in his dreams, he was constantly at war. Some experiences he remembered clear as day. Others were tethered to memory by a single scent. The captain in his dreams though was always fighting or he was at least constantly on his toes, ready to escape or kill when needed.

Maybe that was partially the reason Levi found himself more than ready to collapse onto the cot in Erwin’s clinic that Saturday morning with Hange in tow. Maybe that’s why he had found himself struggling to keep a grip on reality as Erwin and Hange exchanged greetings and updates.

Erwin and Hange had done all the work testing the stiffness and his bum knee through exercises. With the pain still fresh and violent with the right prodding, Levi opted not to look and attempted to occupy himself with anything else. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to fall into a trance and let the soldier inside him take over.

The voices were all too familiar for the captain. When he drowned out the words, the jargon, he was able to focus on the serious tones, the unchanging timbre in each of their voices. Erwin's voice exuded authority, seriousness and a dash of mischief. Hange's voice complemented his, constantly wondering, constantly enthusing, occasional peppering her tone with seriousness and possibly desperation.

Of course, she's begging for Erwin's permission to start another research project.

That's how it has always been since he joined the survey corps.

Survey Corps. That was the military legion the captain was part of. Their job was to journey outside the walls and kill titans. In his dreams, when he was outside the walls, he was either on horseback or flying. When he was within the walls, indoors in some office, he was hearing those voices. Hange was constantly pushing some research agenda and Erwin was always discussing limitations to budgets, logistics and expedition plans. Levi would usually just lean on the side of the wall and listen. Just hearing their voices was enough.

Even faced with his reality, Levi had to agree, hearing those same voices from his dreams was comforting, comforting enough to forget the burning and occasionally sharp pain in his knee that had dulled with rest.

A hand on his shoulder was what pulled him completely out of his trance. “How are you feeling?”

Levi opened his eyes on instinct as that one hand helped him up to a sitting position.

"The surgical wounds are healing at least." Erwin continued as he looked at Levi expectantly.

Levi hadn’t said anything at all but social conventions were the last thing on his mind then. He was completely back in his reality, he was processing everything from the natural light streaming from outside the wide window to the sound of the muffled sounds of the sheets under him as he was helped into a more comfortable position. Yet at the same time, Erwin talking directly at him, tapping him on the soldier and making eye contact with him had Levi grappling between his dreams and his reality once again.

In his dreams, Erwin had died. He wasn’t a doctor. He was the commander of an army. In fact, the first thing Levi had thought of when he locked eyes with him were the orders that had sent hundreds to their deaths.

“Are you feeling okay?”

Are you okay? Levi ended up asking himself. Something inside him was raring to get out but he had no idea what it was. The fear of the unknown had spurred him pushing it back down within him and that effort had made his head spin and left him with a nauseating feeling that only climbed up his throat.

“Levi? Hey...” That time it was Hange shaking him. “Erwin, it’s just been a week. Maybe we shouldn’t expect too much...” Her tone seemed more uncertain than it had been a minute ago.

Levi could only watch, unable to move as Hange gave Erwin a side glance. There was a flash of panic in her eyes then guilt. Hey. I’m sorry. She had given him that same forced smile so many times before.

It’s not your fault. He would’ve wanted to say. All they needed was some sort of proof that he was still there and Levi dug for that impulse inside him, something to get him to move, despite that unfamiliar energy raring to break out of him.

He had found within himself enough energy to clear his throat and nod. That was enough at least for Hange to drop her shoulders and let out a small sigh which he hoped was relief..

"Erwin, were the sacrifices worth it?"

Levi only realized it a second later, only when Erwin widened his eyes and raised one eyebrow in question. By then it was too late, the words were out of his mouth.

“By sacrifice, you mean the surgery? I told you before. We won’t know if the risk was worth taking until late in the recovery.”

That wasn’t the answer Levi was looking for. By the time, he had made sense of it all though, that odd feeling had fallen back into him and Levi wondered why he even said it all.

                                    A Tale of Two Slaves

“Commander Erwin Smith huh? How can there be two commanders at the same time?”

Levi had eventually gotten over Hange looking over his shoulder as he typed. As time went by, he ended up craving the warmth, the human contact and the companionship that came with her. And maybe that odd nagging feeling inside him that was so tenaciously reminding him not to take any of them for granted.

Stupid. What the fuck did I just ask? That had been his first thought as he left Erwin’s clinic. The whole trek back home, he had remained silent, forcing himself to at least get a little distracted by the physical exertion which came with a ten minute walk to Hange’s apartment in crutches.

If Hange hadn’t insisted they take the elevator, he probably would have attempted to climb the stairs as well. Just to give him something to do while his brain nagged in the background, possibly scolding him for his impulsiveness and his weak constitution.

He had over distracted himself though. He only realized as he settled into the sofa bed after a long and painful shower, laptop open next to him, that he had no idea in particular what he had put himself through all the pains for.

What was that strong nagging feeling he had so desperately wanted to distract himself from? He had so easily clocked it to embarrassment. As he stared at the document on his laptop and looked through the name Erwin Smith, as he put his dreams together and the trance that came with his meeting with Erwin only that afternoon, he realized that those nagging feelings were the extra details to fill in the gaps between those dreams.

That spark of nostalgia, inspiration or whatever positive emotion Levi clocked it to that day, had him typing faster than he had ever typed before. Even he was taken aback by his ability to type that fast.

It turned out Hange was a little surprised too and that’s exactly what had her looking over his shoulder too excitedly asking about the two commanders.

“Erwin died…” Those words caught at Levi’s throat. He quickly cleared it up. “But he made you the next commander.” He had attempted to clear his throat but by the surprised look Hange had given him, Levi guessed that he didn’t look too happy either. He didn’t feel good. The nagging feeling of a while ago that he had let loose in his mind had him writing. It also had him choking on something for a moment and soon after, it had numb to the core. As Levi reflected a little more on those sensations, he comprehend that possibly, he was mourning Erwin's death.

But Erwin’s alive. Levi had to remind himself. Words did little though to quell the strong wave of emotions that faded to nothing within moments.

“Is that why you were... like that a while ago?” Hange asked, her voice suddenly much softer.

“Maybe…” Levi trailed off, using that extra few seconds of silence to dig at his thoughts while he wrote. Back then he had been grappling with two worlds, figuring out what was real or not. His body had frozen at the chaos and in that peace that followed, Levi had let something else take over. But he wasn’t going to tell her that.

“That bothered me…”

“I know. I'm sorry about how I was acting back in Erwin’s clinic,” Levi said, not looking up from his laptop. “I was feeling... a lot of things.”

“I don’t blame you. The results of the tests weren’t good either.”

Levi stopped typing mid word. That confirmation from Hange was all he needed to recall a little more and to make sense of that background noise back in Erwin’s clinic. He felt his heart drop. If it were any other day maybe he would have let out a tear for the life he had lost, the opportunity to run, jump and fly like he had used to.

There were more pressing things occupying his mind though, like his attempts to make sense of the dreams. His dreams came in snapshots and since he started attempting to write them out, Levi would record it scene by scene. As he scrolled through the document, scanning everything he had written, he started to realize there was so much he still didn’t know. The in-betweens that all culminated into that one scene in the woods.

That one scene with Commander Hanji and that one passing suggestion to run away together. That was the one dream he had remembered more than others and it had repeated itself to him more than once, more often since he had met Hange. More recently, Erwin had come up as a subject of his dreams. With the circumstances in his dreams and the knowledge that had been handed to him from Captain Levi then, he was able to deduce at least that Erwin had come before Hange.

"I don't even know if I'm doing everything correctly,” Levi muttered. If he had attempted to enunciate his thoughts any more clearly, he probably would have shown more emotion than necessary and refused to take that risk.

Hange had wanted to talk about his injury. He could see it in her face, she was building up to something, finding the right words and it looked like that mental preparation was hurting her in the process.

To the point that Levi felt like he was doing her a favor when he pushed the laptop screen at her. “There are more important things I want to think about other than my bum knee,” he said. That comment was at least enough to pull Hange out of wormhole of guilt she had been constantly throwing herself into since Levi had gotten injured. “Like this.” Levi gestured at the document displayed on the screen of his laptop. “Tell me about Erwin. Maybe if you told me more about him I could fill in the gaps here.”

“It’s your check up Levi. You should know the results..”

“Even if the results of those tests were good, this season is out of the question, just like Erwin said. And this is my last season anyway so it won’t make a difference. I would have graduated and found a job and never jumped again.”

Never jumped again. Hange’s face at hearing those last three words was both surprised and crestfallen. Eventually, she had dropped her shoulders and looked back at the screen next to him. “Okay fine--”

“Tell me about Erwin first.,” Levi said, keeping his tone deadpan. What do you know about him?”

“He’s an orthopedics doctor, started off in Paradis hospital… Then he took further studies abroad then now he teaches but I think you got that---”

“I got all those parts online,” Levi said. In fact, he had spent a good amount of time that morning going through whatever articles he could find on Doctor Erwin Smith that morning, a desperate attempt to make sense of that dream. Doctor Erwin Smith was a doctor and was well known in his field from what Levi could tell. He had authored multiple scientific journals that were locked behind paywalls. The abstracts that he was able to access were too cold, too scientific and too technical to give him a hint to who Erwin Smith could have been.

He wanted interviews, maybe a personal blog to get an idea of who Erwin was beyond his medical achievements. As Levi slogged through hours worth of links that morning, he started to realize there were limits to what the internet could offer. He had two options, he could ask Erwin himself or he could ask Hange what she knew.

And the latter seemed more accessible at that moment. “What is Erwin like? As a thesis advisor.” Levi asked. His fingers were poised, ready to write. Somehow, he knew as he watched Hange looked up at the ceiling in thought that with just a few words from her, he would have something to write, something to fill up the gaps to make sense of that sacrificial charge, his assault on the beast titan and the gut wrenching feeling that had him almost throwing up as the rocks met their target.

“Yeah, now that I think about it, I did choose to work under Erwin for his personality.” Hange looked back at Levi. “Dr. Erwin Smith is pretty well known in his field for a reason. Orthopedics is a pretty complex field and there are no straight cut procedures on how to deal with most injuries since we have to take into account nerves, blood vessels, muscle death, compartment syndrome…”

“So?” Levi pressed. He limited himself to one word. With just one word, it would least be easy to control whatever exasperation was rating to come out. It was just like Hange to expound on details before answering the question. Most days he wouldn’t have minded. At that moment in particular, he was just a little more impatient.

“Erwin is more successful when dealing with more difficult injuries because he likes to take calculated risks, most doctors wouldn’t want to risk their licenses or their patient’s welfare over. As a doctor, he approaches injuries and new cases as means of building knowledge and that’s why he publishes a lot more than others...”

Levi’s blood ran cold and he found himself unable to type. His attention had completely shifted towards Hange.

“And that’s why I picked him I guess. He approached research and the pursuit of truth a little more differently than most other doctors I could have worked with. You could say, maybe we approach research similarly?”

                                        A Tale of Two Slaves

The Tuesday after his check up, Levi found himself once again on the couch in Shela’s office. The development into actually settling on the couch and letting the words flow was smooth, much smoother than when they had first met. Shela was there waiting on the office, clipboard in hand. And Levi knew by the way she had gestured towards the couch that he could take up any position he found most comfortable given his injured knee.

She had gone through the common pleasantries.

How are your studies?

His teachers had allowed him to submit the rest of his assignments at home. His classmates had still been sending lecture slides and notes. Levi was sure he could have made the trek to school everyday. Hange had even offered to pay the fare if he needed a taxi to get there, citing the commute to be a not too handicap friendly. He only had three classes and all the teachers had at least been sympathetic about his career breaking injury. As long as he submitted what they needed him to submit, he would pass. And Levi was not going to hesitate to accept that kindness on their end.

How was the weekend?

His weekend was eventful. He had gone out for that one check up that Saturday had had spent the rest of the weekend either studying or writing out his dreams. Hange had spent that Sunday writing her thesis while checking on him a good 10% of the time and on Monday she had gone to school leaving Levi alone in the apartment.

By Monday, his document was teeming with information on Erwin, some he could have sworn were correct while others he could have attributed to a deduction. Somehow, he was a little proud that he had done the homework she had asked of him.

How are you feeling?

“Did you write something down?”

That was until she asked him, looking at him expectantly as he scrolled through his laptop at the document. She probably wanted his feelings, his thoughts. Not some drug-induced daydream he had come upon over a little depression episode. By the time he realized how ridiculous his answer to her homework had been, it was too late. He had given her enough signs to think that the open document on his laptop was his ‘homework’, the gateway to his mind, the attempt at an articulation of his thoughts.

As she read, she kept her face unreadable and her succeeding actions unpredictable. Levi mentally braced himself for a shut down, a comment that would probably leave him resisting the impulse to delete whatever he wrote. He could have been watching her unmoving expression for hours.

Eventually, her mouth turned up into a smile. “This is a good start.”

“It’s… a story I’ve been working on,” Levi said.

“And it looks like a self insert…”

Levi felt the blood rush through his cheeks. “Yes. It is.” There was no point in embellishing what it could have been to the normal reader.

“And it looks like you got Doctor Erwin and Hange here too.”

Of course she would know Erwin. He was the one who referred him to her after all. “Yeah, I’ve been staying with Hange so I have been seeing her a lot.” Levi continued, in an attempt to justify their large presence in his story without sounding like a complete stalker.

“I know, Erwin told me you were staying with Hange.”

“You’ve met her?”

“Erwin introduced her to me when we were still discussing the sessions. She asks about you.”

That cleared up at least some of his question. He was at least aware then that she kept a correspondence with Hange.

“And what did you tell her?”

Shela shrugged. “There’s nothing much to say yet. I think at this rate, she probably knows more about the state of your mental health than I do. This is just our second session after all.”

“She knows about these stories too…” Levi admitted. He found himself freezing up as he started to become aware of how crazy he sounded, having created a self insert fiction with people he had only met less than two months ago. As he gave it a second thought, he started to realize as well, he had even added Hange’s laboratory mates Nifa and Moblit to the mix of his stories, the few scenes he had remembered visiting Hange’s squad in their post.

“This isn’t anything to be embarrassed about. People cope through various ways. My job is to make you understand this and turn it into something which can help you heal and eventually grow.”

Levi had to muster up the courage to look up at her. He was sure his face was a few shades redder than what he would have wanted. When he locked eyes with her, he couldn’t help but notice they were softer than they were a few minutes ago.

Shela put her clipboard down and pen down on the table. Somehow, Levi felt in her actions, a little more of concern and emotional investment than he had ever felt before. It was seen in the way she leaned forward and widened her eyes in curiosity at him. And as she spoke up, he was able to confirm that it wasn’t just a trick of the mind.

Her voice was warmer, nostalgic and it started to feel more like he was talking to a very old friend. “Okay, tell me about them. Tell me about Erwin and Hange.”

The ones in my dreams? The ones in my story? Or the ones in real life? Levi was close to asking. He noted the confidence in her eyes and on the smile that settled on her lips and soon realized he had no need to clarify. She had chosen her words well.

As soon as he spoke up, he understood. The many dreams and the emotions that ran through him could attest to that same assumption. Erwin Smith and Hange Zoe were the same two people, regardless of which dimension he encountered them in.

                                        A Tale of Two Slaves

Have you ever thought of reincarnation? I’m sure you’ve heard of the concept but have you ever thought hard about that theory?

Reincarnation?

I did a lot of research on this and I’ve strongly believed since then that this is what happens when we die… Do you ever think...What if those dreams are someone telling you something? Someone from a long time ago?

What if I’m just going a little crazy with the shit I’ve been going through? Levi had argued then. When she had mentioned that, she had sounded more like a friend throwing outrageous theories than an actual therapist. There was some truth to what she was saying despite Levi’s doubts. He had been having those dreams since before he got injured after all.

When that one hour session ended, Levi had been left with that open ended question to ponder. Shela did not push it after all. She had strategically left enough crumbs for Levi to question. And the questions only resounded much louder as he exited the building to find Hange on a bench by the entrance, looking through what could have been another journal on her iPad.

“Four eyes, what are you doing here?” Levi asked. With the glare of the screen reflecting on her glasses, she had looked like a ‘four eyes’ at that exact moment he called out to her.

She looked up at him and the glare quickly disappeared. “Levi! You’re done.”

“And you came here to pick me up.”

Hange nodded. “My classes end early today and there’s not much work to do in the lab with the type of thesis I’m doing… so why not?”

“What if I didn’t notice you and I went ahead and you ended up waiting for no one?” Levi asked. “If I weren’t looking right, I could have completely missed you."

"Well you didn't right?"

"You could have waited inside. ”

“The hospital courtyard makes a nice view,” Hange answered. She was right. Autumn was only making itself more and more known through the orange dotting the green landscape in the courtyard. A lot more color than he had seen lately, having cooped himself up in her apartment.

And maybe I should have left you so you could appreciate it more? Levi was tempted to banter with her a little more.

Hange had made herself an easy target at that moment for a little teasing and jokes. Her hair was up in a messy half ponytail and the distracted look remained on her face, a sign that she had probably been a little too focused on what she had been reading until he called out to her.

That look of slight disengagement from her could have been frustrating for most. At that moment when Levi had a good look at her face, he concluded that it was more endearing than anything else and ended up indulging in it for a few more seconds, not wanting to break the moment with another half assed comment.

It was Hange who broke it on her end. “Before I forget!” By then her eyes had lit up. A sign that she had completely adjusted back into her reality. She rummaged through her bag next to her and pulled something out. “I saw this in a gift shop on the way there and I thought of you.” She grabbed Levi’s hand from where it hung on the side and plopped the keychain on his open palm. “Moblit got me something similar for my birthday. He probably got it in the same place now that I think about it.” She added.

Thought of you. Levi’s thoughts were somehow stuck on those words as he observed how the purple strands weaved around the green ring, similarly to the trinket Hange owned and which he had momentarily kept and treasured just a few weeks ago.

“It’s a dream catcher.” Hange said.

Levi found himself still stuck on those words of a while ago, still distracted by the familiar trinket she had gifted him.

“So, maybe it could help you remember your dreams a little more? Maybe help you sleep better at night?” She continued.

“It could,” Levi said. He didn't want to be the hypocrite, having griped about Hange’s lack of attention skills a few times before. He ended up quickly digressing though, having been a little too fixated on his conversation with Shela from a while ago and Hange's passing comment. “Hange do you remember of a life before? At all?” He asked as he pocketed the keychain.

“A life before?” Hange stood up, hung the canvas bag over her shoulder and gestured for him to walk next to her.

She kept her strides small and her pace slower than usual. For Levi, it was the perfect cadence to follow on crutches and somehow, that only reinforced that little hope inside him. I thought of you. She had said then.

“A life before,” Levi clarified. “Maybe you had dreams of people you thought you never met. Maybe you’ve felt the urge to write it all out and when you read it, it feels like you’ve lived that life before.” Did you ever dream of me too? He was raring to ask her. He knew he wanted it a raw answer from her mouth, not an idea he would have planted.

"Isn't that the same for every story read?” Hange looked at him questioningly. “If it's well written enough, you can feel like you're living their life too?”

Levi considered rephrasing the question, adding more details and possibly pressing for more answers from the brunette. The confused frown though had said it all. It had Levi looking straight ahead, not wanting her to see how the disappointment that coursed through his whole body at that moment, manifested itself in his face. No. It's different.

“This is the only life I've ever had. ” Hange said, only confirming verbally what he had already figured out.

This is the only life I’ve ever had too. That was just a stupid theory I found online. Levi was about to say. He was tempted to deny it all, and reduce every single dream, every single emotion that had pushed him to writing over tens of thousands of words of scenes out, into a fevered illusion.

He had been close to saying it then as he studied the side profile that fit so well the ones he had seen in his dreams. The messy wavy brown hair, the sharp nose and the hazel eyes so bright with wonder and life, and the deep yet naturally assertive timbre in her voice all culminated to the Hange he knew. And they all evoked emotions so deep and so unintelligible to Levi then as he watched.

As he vacillated between denying his dreams and reveling in the disappointment, those emotions did tell him one thing. If he denies it, he denies the emotions and the bond that had been drawing him to Hange since a month ago. Consequently, he denies all those moments that lead them there, to a state where he’d be comfortable enough to pursue such a question.

In the end, he couldn’t bring himself to deny it. He saw meaning behind their meeting, behind the mutual interests and the emotions that had brought them closer together. If it turned out he was the only one who saw it, then so be it. He could live with that.

This is the only life I ever had. “Or at least, this is the only life I remember having.” She quickly added, even before Levi could figure out the right way to express his disappointment.

A researcher never made conclusions without the right evidence. Hange had always been a researcher, a scientist. To Levi, she had always embodied the authentic researcher, having made millions more questions than conclusions. He was relieved to see that just like during the many times he had seen her ponder, she hadn’t made an inalterable conclusion just yet.

“So you believe in reincarnation then?” Levi asked.

Hange shrugged. “With the right evidence and theories maybe?”

Relieved, Levi let out a light chuckle. There were still lots more to figure out. And we can do it together.