#i stopped attending church in like my early teens ?? but that shit is still so engrained in the back of my mind even tho i’ll be 24 soon

[ontheblock]

BABE U WRITE FOR SALLY FACE?? Anything with Travis (male s/o with him obviously) or Sally please :O your writing is amazing!!

YES I DO !! i used to have a bunch of wips i still haven’t finished but i figured i can still add sf to my list since it was such a comfort game when it came out haha. as per usual, this isn’t beta read, i fucked the formatting up twice but just squint when you notice any errors- also thank you love <3 i‘d give you a free bologna sandwich for requesting trav ily. 100% beef obviously /winkwonk

fabric

•warning: abuse, religious guilt, homophobia and f-slur use, bad first kisses, badly written fluff, travis being travis

Travis was meant to live a life molded for him by his father. The pattern was already placed on the fabric when his first cry shook the hospital room at 6:33am. He was supposed to be cut from his father‘s mold but Travis‘ fabric was already old and frayed, the intertwining strings of muted tones that held him together felt lose by the time he could run. Sometimes he thought about the reason why he was incomplete. His fabric wasn‘t strong enough to hold his family name, not stretchy enough to bounce back from his father‘s reactions. Travis‘ mother patched him up every time there was another bruise on his back or face. She would cut parts out of her own fabric to cover the ripped strings her husband‘s belt left on their son. But she had only so much left when the beatings got worse.

Travis was in middle school, attending a christian summer camp a few hours away from Nockfell. He never noticed how different the air was at home but the sky was so murky compared to literally everywhere else. His father thought it was a good idea to let the boy out of town while he took care of the Ministry business which was code for something Travis shouldn‘t stick his nose into. He never asked but someone went missing while he was gone. Tragic.

Not as tragic as the camp counselor calling Travis home on their last day. The boy didn‘t know about that but they told his father about some inappropriate behavior his son showed with a fellow camper - a boy his age, Kenneth didn‘t care for the name or where he was from. All he needed to know was what his son did with that boy. The counselor tried to calm the angry parent on the phone but as soon as the information was exchanged the line went dead. He didn‘t want to hear the washed up excuses. His son was young and it was best to get these urges out of his system before they could even develop - dig for the deepest root you could find and rip it from the still fresh ground before it bloomed into something ugly, even if that meant that the garden would never bloom at all. Kenneth was a man of action after all.

That evening Travis came home clueless while his father already stood in the hallway with his wife behind him, holding onto his hand and uttering whispered quick prayers but his thick fingers already curled around the leather painfully hard. The strain it caused in his hand only fueled the need for a release as he charged for his son who didn‘t even have the chance to slip out of his worn sneakers.

That evening his mother didn‘t stay when Kenneth told her to go to bed early. Travis asked himself if it pained her the same way it pained him when his skin split under the force his father put in his first few strikes.

“You want to hold hands with boys now?“

“My son isn‘t a faggot, is that clear?“

“I gave you a place in this filthy town. You will appreciate it and live a proper life!“

“You will thank me when you don‘t burn for being dirty.“

It wasn‘t meant for Travis to answer because by the end of the night he would not even think about a boy‘s hand to be soft and warm anymore.

Travis was older now but he never found enough of anything to mend the damage his father did that night. Travis didn‘t try to explain that he held onto the boy because they figured that they wouldn’t slip on the wet mud that way. Instead he kept quiet about it ever happening and his father was content with this as long as he pulled his son from the devil‘s path to sodomy.

And Travis thought so too until a thread of blue fabric pulled together a gaping hole in his fabric. It stuck out like a sore thumb - too vibrant but warmer than any patch his mother gave to him and when he sat on the grimy bathroom floor in school after Sal Fisher of all people gave him a fucking pep talk, it felt nice. The warmth let his tears evaporate so he could pull himself together for the rest of the day.

But it was short lived. The warmth spread through him so fast he felt like burning up whenever he sat in class with Sal. He tried everything to get that blue thread out of his life but pulling on it only felt like strangling himself and he regretted ever letting his bully persona slip in that bathroom just because Sal fucking Fisher found the note he threw away - the note that was about him but Travis never had it in himself to tell him that. He regretted his promise to be less of an asshole because he knew he couldn‘t. Not even three days later the heat in his belly was so hot that he boiled over when he saw Fisher talking to that ginger nerd by the lockers. He ended up calling him a faggot because how dare he be openly gay in the same town Kenneth Phelps lived? How dare he be happy like this?

Sal tensed at the insult. Did he actually think Travis could be better? And why was his freakshow friend not hurt at the insult when it still burned in his throat to say it? Why did it feel like the slur wasn‘t meant for Todd at all? Travis swallowed hard as he fled the hallway in such a hurry that the three folded up pamphlets in his barely zipped up backpack fell on the muddy vinyl flooring.

“Fuck, Phleps. Just wait. Travis!“ The boy in question tucked at his collar as he turned a corner just to slip into another empty corridor. They had a free period right after gym class and Sal Fisher was determined to finally talk to the boy who relentlessly bullied him to now avoid him like it was the other way around. “Jesus, I‘m not gonna pry but if your dad-“ Sally harshly bumped into Travis as he whipped around, finally coming to a stop. Shame crawled up the taller teen‘s neck when he didn‘t find the prosthetic nose digging into his sweater uncomfortable.

“Shut up! God, just stop!“ Sal was surprised that he would use his Lord‘s name in vain like that and if the situation was anything but this he would‘ve laughed. “Travis, I don‘t know how you feel but-“, Sal tried again but Travis was at his limits this time. “You don‘t and you never will, Fisher. Your dad would accept you being a dirty faggot but mine doesn’t!“ He tried to fill his words with venom but it all bounced back on the guy‘s mask anyway with how much his voice actually trembled.

There was a moment of silence that made Travis want to literally get struck by his God‘s angry lightning. He couldn‘t even leave. It was like all the root his father dug out slowly crawled back to feed on his shame and ground him in front of Sal who still had to react and maybe Travis should just tell him to fuck off so he wouldn‘t have to find out what he wanted to say next.

“Travis...“ Sal lowered his voice in a fake moment of privacy. “Are you-?“ Travis already shut his eyes as he clenched his fists. He didn‘t like where this was going but there was no more fight in him. “Nevermind. You don‘t owe me shit but I saw your back.“ Travis exhaled through his mouth until there was nothing left in his lungs. He knew where that question was headed. Are you gay, Travis? Are you the faggot and that‘s why you‘re so angry? He was glad that Sal changed his approach because even Travis himself was too scared to find the answer.

“So what, Sally Face? You‘re sticking your nose somewhere it doesn’t belong. If you even have one under that stupid mask.“ Travis harshly pushed his index finger into the boys chest and the sharp inhale he made almost made him freeze up and apologize. But he couldn‘t. He was too deep to go soft now. The look in Sal‘s eyes was enough to make Travis finally stumble backwards and push past him.

He didn‘t follow him this time.

His verbal fights with Sal Fisher were like a damn wake up call for the teen. The rush of warmth it spread in his chest and the cold shiver in sent down his spine were shaking his body every time. He started noticing that Nockfell wasn‘t that murky. Travis used to really like yellow as a child because it reminded him of his mother’s favorite sunflower dress. She was a different woman now. The vibrant yellow was fading just like her hair. Maybe it was just Nockfell, maybe it was because of her suffocating husband draining her of her life and slowly unraveling her fabric. It didn‘t matter now but to make a depressing story short, Travis didn‘t have a favorite color anymore.

But the sky looked like a pretty shade of blue on some days. He never noticed but his bathroom tiles had blue specks in them. He always thought they were just a weird grey. There were tiny flowers blooming in the most vibrant blue behind the school and he wished that they were behind the church too but nothing ever grew around that building. But he would pluck them sometimes when he was skipping gym class. His last fight in the empty hallway was weeks ago and he hoped that Sal finally gave up on his savior complex. But why did his chest sting at that thought? His fingers slowly clutched his sweater as he stared at a withering flower by his foot. Travis jumped out of his thoughts when the metal door creaked open.

“Yo.“ Sal pushed the door closed with his shoe as he held up a hand to casually greet him. His face scrunched up. “What do you want?“ Travis lowered his head again. The boy obviously noticed the fresh shiner on his face already but facing him still felt like he exposed himself. “Just wanted to confirm that the church boy was skipping class.“ Uninvited, the teen sat beside Travis on the grass, with a healthy distance of course. “Shut up. My faith has fuck all to do with school“, Travis spoke lowly but his voice was tired. Sal just hummed in agreement before silence draped over them. Not uncomfortably like the usual strained void of reactions when one of them dropped something they weren‘t prepared for. It felt ok like this and it felt like a blanket. To Travis that blanket was soft and blue but before he could shake it off and stand up there were strings of the obnoxious fabric already weaving themself into his personal space.

“We don‘t have to fight all the time.“ Sal didn‘t look at him and neither did Travis. He really didn‘t have a reason to disagree. Not one that wouldn’t blow his cover at least.

“Maybe I could come to your little church and-“ Travis head snapped up. “Don‘t“, he blurted out a little louder than he meant. “It‘s a joke. I‘m not religious.“ Sal snorted, plucking a few pieces of grass. “Yeah, because you‘re a sinner in the eyes of the Lord. You f-“ Travis had to physically stop himself by biting his lip. Sal looked over at him and Travis wished he didn‘t. “Sorry“, Travis mumbled, refusing to meet his eyes, or eye since he was pretty sure his other eye never moved before. “I‘m trying to not call people that anymore.“ because all I hear is my father saying it.

“It‘s cool.“ It wasn‘t. “Why are you skipping?“ Travis huffed. It was weird to not let the conversation derail into verbal abuse. “I don‘t know. I fell. Hit my head on the door pretty bad. As you can see.“ Sal just hummed. “That‘s why you‘re limping, too?“ Travis blurted out a “yes“ a little too fast. Why was he nervous? His whole school life already revolved around cover up stories about the strange aches and bruises he got out of nowhere.

“Right.“ Sal let it slide, again. “You‘re acing algebra, Fisher.“ It wasn‘t a question so Sal didn‘t say anything. “Hmm.“ Travis cursed himself for never learning proper social skills but his father didn‘t like him bringing strangers into the house and his teen years were a constant feeling of push and pull of picking fights with boys that sparked an ugly tingle in his belly.

“You need a tutor?“ The silence seemed to be enough for Sal. Fuck him and his open fucking hand. “Maybe.“ Travis flicked a flower with his finger, dismissing the clear offer because his stomach ignited at the fact that Sal didn‘t hate him enough yet. “Maybe there is a tutor in Addisons Appartement, Room 402, who‘s free on the weekend.“ Sal couldn‘t help but smile under his mask as Travis huffed. “Fuck you, Fisher.“

Sal already forgot about his offer when lunch passed and his dad stood in the kitchen, washing their dishes, enjoying the background noise of his son watching TV with his cat. They were so engrossed in the VHS tape Sal put on that he didn‘t hear the door until his dad whistled from the kitchen. “Sally, door.“

“Huh? Oh. Yes, dad.“ He jumped to his feet, leaving Gizmo to the slasher movie he seemed to like. “Weird, Larry said he‘s busy“, Sal mumbled, opening the front door. “Oh.“ It was a knee jerk reaction from Sal because he expected everyone but Travis Phelps to knock at his door and truth be told, he looked like he‘d rather be anywhere else with the way his awkward greeting caught in his throat and died on his tongue as a huff. His eyes followed the way the blue strands hung over Sal‘s shoulders, the mask straps upsetting the smooth texture as a few chunks hung over the elastics. Travis hasn’t seen him with his hair down. He looked smaller in big sweatpants and a band shirt too.

“Travis?“ The boy‘s eyes snapped back to the mask in front of him. “So, algebra?“ Sal tilted his head a smidge. A small habit he picked up to better communicate what would otherwise be shown in his facial features. But it made Travis want to scream for a multitude of reasons as heat crept up his neck. “Obviously.“

Anyone else would‘ve told him to fix his tone or fuck off but Sal held open the door for him. It felt wrong but Travis took the invitation, rubbing his clammy hands on his pants. “Who is it?“, a deeper voice called and Travis almost jumped. He had to remind him this wasn‘t Kenneth. Mr Fisher wasn’t anything like his dad and he didn’t have to be on edge around the boy. “A friend“, Sal replied shortly, only getting an approving hum.

A friend. Did Sal see him as a friend? He couldn‘t dwell on it since he was pulled into the boy‘s bedroom that looked nothing like his. “Just sit anywhere.“ Sal wildly gestured into the room and Travis sat on the barely made bed as Sall dropped his books next to him.

Travis felt like there was something breathing down his neck the entire time they sat on Sal‘s bed. His shirt collar felt like it was about to cinch his neck closed, the dangling cross necklace he kept under his shirt felt hot to the touch like it burned the shape of Jesus into his chest with every sinful thought that crossed his mind as Sal explained the most bland and unerotic subject.

“Travis?“ The boy almost choked on his own spit.

“Romans 1:26-27.“ Travis stumbled over his own words but the verse was engraved into his head after writing and reciting it for a month straight under the stern eye of his father. There was a briefe silence for a moment.

“What?“ Sal looked up from the book in his lap.

“What?“ Travis felt breathless as he stared back at Sal. “Nothing“, he quickly added before Sal could even say anything else. “Explain that again?“ But he didn‘t. Instead, Sal pushed the book off his thigh, still staring the boy down. “Did you really come here for algebra, dude?“ No. “Yes.“ Travis fiddled with the hem of his shirt, not knowing if it was anxiety, anger or just bile scratching against his stomach lining to crawl out of him.

When Sal didn‘t say anything else Travis just reached over the boys lap to take the book himself but there was already a hand pressing against his shoulder. Travis hissed as he pulled his arm back, making Sal pull back just as fast. They stared at each other for a moment before Sal‘s gaze darted to his shoulder. “You fell pretty hard on that door.“ Travis clenched his jaw. “Shut up, Fisher, and back the fuck up.“

The boy shook his head, scooting away an inch. “Listen, you can say no because I would too but I can at least get you ointment for that.“ Sal gestured to his back and shoulder and something in Travis just crumbles as he lets his hands drop into his lap, staring them down to not look at Sal. “Ok. If it gets you off my back you parasite.“

Travis didn‘t plan this when he knocked on the apartment door. He expected to maybe stay 20 minutes before something would make him see red but all he saw was blue. Maybe he was cursed. All these years of plucking out the roots his father couldn’t reach were rendered worthless now that he sat on the rough carpet, holding his shirt up as Sal dug out the ointment.

How did he even get here? His heart beat in his throat when he felt a presence behind him. He felt the need to say something. He wanted to make it clear that this meant nothing to not make it weird but wouldn‘t that make it weirder? Wasn‘t this the same as his mother putting a bandaid on his cuts and whatever herbal mixture on his wounds? It wasn’t because he never felt the sick urge to kiss his mother.

“Ready?“, Sal asked, kneeling behind him with a glob of cool ointment on his index and middle finger. Fucking hell, why did he have to make it weird? He definitely had to say something now.

“It was my dad.“ Travis spoke fast enough to mutter his words but the long pause probably meant that Sal heard him anyway. He wanted to melt into the carpet, leave behind a stain on the boy‘s floor to annoy him just one last time. He didn‘t know what he expected him to say to that and he also didn‘t know why that was the thing he had to say. But Sal made it easy on him by just not answering at all. Instead, he dabbed the cream on the first bruise, making Travis inhale sharply but otherwise biting his tongue. Sal figured that Travis wanted to act tough by not showing that it hurt but actually, Travis didn‘t trust his voice under Sal‘s soft fingertips.

“Travis“, Sal spoke again. Travis wasn‘t sure if he hated the heavy silence more of the fact that Sal was the first to say something while he was rubbing little circles into his back. He didn‘t answer but that never held Sal back.

“Are you gay?“ His voice was so quiet that Travis wouldn‘t have heard it if they sat a little further apart but it had the same effect as screaming it for all of Nockfell to hear. Sal felt him tense up under his touch, already expecting him to jump up or at least yell at him. But neither of them did anything. Sal‘s fingers rested against the heating skin, feeling it rise with every ragged breath he managed to take. “Travis-“

“Fuck, Sal. What? Do you want me to tell you about the times my dad beat the gay out of me or do you prefer that time I wanted to kiss you in that gross fucking bathroom?“, the teen finally barked, letting his words sink in first before he hissed a quiet “shit“. The fingers on his back pulled away as Sal sat on his heels. “You wanted to kiss me?“, Sal repeated, slower than Travis but he just pressed the balls of his hands into his eyes until he saw shapes and felt like the pressure would crush his face. He heard Sal shuffle around the room, probably getting ready to throw him out like he should‘ve done a while ago. But the shuffling stopped in front of him and something told him not to look but cold hands were already on his wrists to peel his cramping hands from his face. Travis opened his eyes just in time to see that mask uncomfortably close but before he could say anything, there was an odd sensation on his lips with minimal pressure. Sal was kissing him and it snuffed the flame in his stomach for just a moment, allowing the torched butterflies to unfold their wings and fly high enough to even make his heart pump overtime. But the feeling was lost just as soon when Sal inched backwards, pulling his prosthetic back in place before Travis could even take any of this in.

“Sorry.“ Sal threw it into the room for Travis to interpret. But the gears in his head threatened to jump out of place already so he reached out to Sal who already flinched backwards, holding onto his mask. “You don‘t want that.“ Sal pushed his hand back a little. “How would you know?“ Travis furrowed his brows at him but he was thankful. He wasn‘t sure if he could take seeing the boy bare like that but he was craving that feeling his father tried to snuff so desperately.

Sal just shook his head as Travis inched closer. “I‘ll close my eyes.“ Now it was Sal‘s turn to hole up in silence, knowing that neither of them could handle the mask coming off. Something made him trust Travis‘ words as he opened the bottom clasp which was the cue for Travis to shut his eyes. He did and seconds later he felt Sal on him again. One hand clamping over his eyes just to make sure and the other fisting the front of his shirt.

This time Travis felt the cleft in Sal‘s lip and the scar tissue ripping up the soft skin. He leaned into the kiss. Where were his hands supposed to go? When Travis didn‘t find the answer his body moved on autopilot. One hand threaded through the surprisingly smooth strands as the other clung to the small of his back.

Travis should‘ve been grossed out by the drool pooling out of Sal‘s torn lip but he wasn‘t. He should be grossed out by Sal being a boy but he wasn‘t. When Sal pulled back he kept his hand over Travis‘ eyes while the other wiped the spit off his chin. The kiss alone was enough to patch up his murky fabric with bright blue strings that dominated the colors his father painted him in. Travis didn‘t know what would happen after high school. Hell, he didn‘t even know what would be tomorrow. But he didn‘t want the bright fibers to unravel him again.

A knock on the door startled both of them, making Sal pull his arm away and Travis rapidly blinking. He didn‘t notice the mangled face first as the unruly blue caught his eye. His hand did that. His heart beat in his throat again as he overheard Sal‘s father say something and Sal shooting a hum of agreement back. His prosthetic was already on his face again before Travis could catch anything besides the scar tissue crawling up his jaw and chin before splitting his lips and exposing teeth and gum.

Maybe blue was his favorite color.

[lavenderek]

Why do you hate Ian?? When i was a kid I LOVED What A Girl Wants. I had such a crush on Ian :(

i am happy to go off thank you for this opportunity, long post under the cut

in case somebody wants to read this but doesn’t know what “what a girl wants” is, it’s a movie from the early 2000′s starring amanda bynes as Daphne. 

she grew up in new york with a single mom, Libby. she has an estranged father played by colin firth, Henry, who doesn’t know daphne exists. libby is a singer who works weddings a lot. 

libby and henry were star-crossed lovers, basically. henry is an english aristocrat with political aspirations, and his family believed marrying libby, who is living her stevie nicks fantasy, would damage his career; so they got her alone and convinced her henry changed his mind and didn’t want her. libby left, not yet knowing she was pregnant, and then spent 17 years pining for him. 

daphne has spent her whole life romanticizing the idea of her father coming to get her, so after she graduates high school she chooses to fly out to england and surprise him. when she gets there she is disappointed to find that he is engaged to a woman who has a daughter about daphne’s age, but tries to make it work anyway. 

daphne is clumsy and very casual, so hijinks ensue. henry’s fiancee and future stepdaughter are evil and conniving. 

daphne is rejected and bullied by the fiancee and stepdaughter and she struggles trying to fit in with aristocratic society, so ultimately she leaves. henry is upset about this because he learned to love her, and subsequently he discovers she was being mistreated. he breaks up with the fiancee and flies out to america to surprise daphne. daphne gets into oxford u somehow and they all live happily ever after. 

the first person daphne meets and gets to know in the movie is a local musician named Ian, who tells her she was born to stand out. he has minimal effect on the plot, like, i could write him out in two minutes, but god forbid we have a teen movie without a romance in it. they’re immediately attracted to each other and he proceeds to be a very bad boyfriend that the audience is supposed to find morally upstanding and charming. 

this post is about how it did not work and i don’t like him. 

The Superficial Shit: I’m Not About It

i’m immune to motorcycle boys. motorcycles are impractical and loud. get a muffler. i think if you buy a motorcycle you have to sign a contract promising to idle on your motorcycle for ten minutes every morning at 6:30 so that everyone in the neighborhood knows you have a motorcycle. so i don’t care that ian is A Bad Boy. 

i’m also immune to english accents. it’s just like, an accent. it’s fine. i’m supposed to find everything he does inherently charming because he has an accent and he sings, but i don’t, so, try a little harder.

like, i’m also not impressed by sporty types, but i still accepted “a cinderella story” because austin had a character progression and i could see why sam found him attractive. 

ian has no character progression. he starts out confident and independent and he ends up confident and independent. he remains happily working class with a more or less successful band the entire movie. nothing daphne does affects him negatively except that one time she fucks up and blows off a concert he wanted to go to. 

so as a result i’m not invested in anything he does. the only interesting thing he does is first building up daphne’s confidence and then getting mad and tearing it back down when she’s doing something he doesn’t personally find important, which is the next thing. 

The Worst Boyfriend: Why Am I Not The Center Of Your Universe?

here are the first three pieces of information ian learns about daphne:

her mom is a musician 

she is american 

she is here to find and get to know her politician father, Lord Dashwood

he’s very supportive of this endeavor, right up until it gets difficult. he’s like, “you came all this way, he’s your dad, you should definitely meet him.” 

she publicly fucks up a couple major society events and then is like, “hey, i’m putting my dad’s career in jeopardy, so in order to stay and get to know him this summer i’m gonna prioritize these events a little more.”

and ian is immediately like, “you’ve changed,” and dumps her lmfao

her lifelong drive to find and get to know her dad is one of the first things he learns about her. why does he think it’s so stupid? why am i supposed to care about his opinion? 

daphne, probably: this thing is important to me. ian, probably: ok, that’s fine.  daphne, probably: woof, in order to keep up with this thing i have to try a little harder.  ian, probably: hm. actually, this is unimportant.  daphne, probably: i’m going to do it anyway.  ian, probably: what? didn’t you hear me? i just said it was unimportant. why aren’t you quitting immediately? my opinion should be your primary concern. you know what? i’m done.

i had the same problem with nate from “the devil wears prada.” i will never understand the idea of seeing someone you apparently care deeply about very stressed out trying to accomplish a goal, and being mad that they’re not super fun and interesting right then. sometimes a person you care about is going through something. let her vent and buy her some ice cream. 

if your partner stops being supportive and understanding the second your life gets stressful or complicated, that’s kind of a red flag. the real test of a relationship is when you have to support each other and maintain your bond even when you’re trying to get something done, or even when you’re having a rough time and you’re in a bad mood. 

ian fails this test because he’s weirdly judgmental about it all.

Attitude Stinks

before the change ian hates, daphne is late to things, she dresses casually for formal events, she gets into a screaming physical altercation with someone at a party, and because she was acting out a lot at a ball she’s blamed for the destruction of a prized, historical piece of architecture. all of these cause scandals that embarrass henry and make him look bad in tabloids. he is in the middle of a campaign for a political position, so this is bad. 

after the change, daphne reaches out to her debutante grandmother for guidance and starts wearing socially acceptable clothing, goes to events where she is expected, and is quiet and respectful at an event where she’s supposed to meet the queen of england. this is all very successful for henry. people go up to him and tell him daphne’s great, and she somehow ends up in a tabloid that talks about how great she is lmfao. 

all of this takes a lot of effort from daphne, though. she’s stressed out. while this works out for henry, it isn’t working for daphne. she’s doing all this so that she can be accepted by her father’s family, but the fiancee and stepdaughter don’t want her around, and henry is passive throughout all this. he doesn’t know she’s actively being bullied, but he’s also letting his fiancee direct him away from daphne. so daphne ultimately leaves. 

here’s where ian comes in. ian tells her a story toward the beginning of the movie about how his mother was also an aristocrat. he tells her she was rejected by society because of classism towards ian’s father. this is framed as a demonstration of ian’s values. the fact that his mother rejected being a debutante is a source of pride for ian. 

but the problem is that this is just because ian likes the choice she made. he’s not proud that his mother took control of her life and made her own decision. he’s proud that his mother rebelled. you know this because he sums up the story with this line -

daphne: what happened to your parents?  ian: they’re as poor as church mice and the happiest people i know. 

- and because his entire conflict in the movie is that daphne makes a different decision. 

ian’s mom chose her husband over her parents and the life they wanted for her. daphne is choosing the family she’s been wanting her whole life over a guy she’s known for like, a month. ian is the biggest whiner about it. he storms out on her. she runs into him at an event and asks to talk to him, and he tells her no. he only forgives her when she quits and goes back to america. 

there are a lot of dudes like this out there. he loves a strong, unique woman, as long as she fits seamlessly into his life and makes decisions he tells her to. yawn. 

Makes No Sense: Why Are You Here?

ian is somehow ubiquitous in debutante society. he and his little band are hired to play at every ball daphne goes to. why??

a huge plot point is a moment where daphne attends a terribly boring coming out ball for a pair of very meek, shy twins. daphne delights the twins by going out of her way to liven up the party. she convinces ian to play loud rock music and encourages everyone at the ball to dance. the bass is too loud, though, and somehow causes an antique chandelier to fall. this is a big scandal. 

the whole thing that’s emphasized during this scene is that daphne is shaking up the scene and that this music is unorthodox and unwanted at these high society type functions. 

which all begs the question of why these people keep hiring a local rock band for these events. he’s playing at at least one other ball later on in the movie. the music they play doesn’t really fit in with the tone of the events, which are the kind of affairs you’d wear a tiara to. these are very formal events. why are we hiring ian and his band, and where did you guys even find him?? 

in the scene where daphne gets into a fight with somebody, she’s at a fancy outdoor event, the kind of place you’d wear a tea length dress and a big hat. ian is also there, working in the parking lot as a parking lot guy. 

daphne’s thrilled, but she does ask why he’s there. he’s basically like, “i have lots of jobs.” for somebody who hates deb society so much, he does take a lot of jobs at deb events. why don’t you work in a restaurant or something? does that offend your punk rock whiner sensibilities? 

also, he’s boring and i think daphne should go for somebody who makes her laugh. 

Has Spiked Hair

lots of gel, no other info needed. wash your hair. very sculpted hair makes people seem less down to earth. it’s not relatable. 

I Will Fix It

so ian doesn’t help with the plot at all. the only time he helps daphne is in the chandelier scene. the rest of the time he’s just there to date her and talk to her a lot about how cool it is to stand out and not fit in. 

his role in the movie is to cause more tension and place more pressure on daphne. he behaves like she’s making a moral choice, when really she’s making a behavioral choice. 

i think using him to vocalize her conflict is a mistake because it’s framed as Stand Out vs. Assimilate, when that has nothing to do with daphne’s motivation. 

daphne’s Want is to be with her dad, and her Need is to be accepted and wanted. as a result, ian rejecting her because he doesn’t like the choices she’s making comes across as entitled and cruel lmao. it’s directly antithetical to daphne’s journey. she never once says anything about loving standing out. 

here are the ways i think this could be fixed: 

if you want it to be a moral thing, make it a moral thing. 

give ian a best friend who is gay, and after daphne decides to fit in with society, she won’t be seen with the gay friend anymore. or after daphne decides to fit in, have her be super judgmental of people who aren’t succeeding as much as she is. then when she decides she’s fed up, have her stand up for them. 

that would make ian being mad about her “changing” make sense. and we, the audience, would be like, “yeah, this is misguided and goes against what daphne believes.” 

not breaking things or yelling at a royal event isn’t a moral stance. why are you so pressed. get a hobby 

if you want her thing to be standing out, make it standing out. 

standing out isn’t a conflict in the whole movie. henry’s flaw is being passive. daphne’s flaw is being embarrassing at parties because she’s clumsy and she likes to meet new people and dance and stuff. libby has no flaw except that she was a victim of classism. 

the twins at the party are dowdy and shy, and daphne gives them a makeover off screen lmao. ian is single, and daphne dates him. 

so make standing out the recurring issue. make daphne super obsessed with fitting in. in the very beginning, she runs into a girl she knows at a wedding. the girl is kind of privileged and successful, and daphne reveals that she’s a free spirit who doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life. instead, make her hedge and hem and haw and try to make herself seem more successful to the girl. make her Want to be fancy and part of her dad’s high society life, but her Need to “be herself.” 

maybe the twins are secretly super weird and quirky, and they’re depressed trying to fit in; and their big moment revealing being cool now at the garden party is them wearing loud patterns and dancing when the music starts playing. maybe ian is super funny and goofy and the parties suck until he and daphne trick the singer into leaving the stage, and ian jumps onstage and plays a fun song. 

make libby have been rejected because she always started talking politics at henry’s parties and she’s kind of radical. 

maybe daphne: hey, i’m sorry, but you can’t come with me to the party next week anymore. maybe ian: what? how come, i rented a tux for this. maybe daphne: sorry. i’m trying to behave.  maybe ian: haha what does that mean? you’re not trying to fit in with all those stuffy losers, are you?  maybe daphne: no, i’m trying not to ruin things for my dad. it was a big deal when you were super messy at the garden party.  maybe ian: wow. i seem to recall you being “messy” right along with me. sorry for embarrassing you.  maybe daphne: ian, don’t take it personally. we can still hang out sometimes, i just can’t go places with you.  maybe ian: no, thanks. 

i don’t prefer this, because i’m an introvert and people who think someone they don’t personally find interesting are fundamentally worse, are boring and annoying. i wouldn’t find this story relatable or compelling at all. i’m 9000 years old and i’m like, “what if you guys respected each other and participated in society, though?” i wouldn’t enjoy this story. but at least it would make sense why ian’s bothered by daphne not “standing out.”

i think the entire reason this movie was made is that trailer moment from the boat scene where ian’s like, “i don’t understand why you want to fit in, when you were born to stand out!” so that’s how you can keep that dumbass line. 

make ian have an arc himself. 

in the movie, ian is initially helpful and gives some backstory, and then partway through the movie he gets mad at her and breaks up with her. he forgives her at the same time as henry realizes daphne’s unhappy, right at the end. 

instead, make ian become helpful as the movie progresses. 

so first of all, take the scene toward the beginning where he’s in the boat allegedly showing her how to practice being poised, and he tells her about his mom being a disowned deb. move this scene to the beginning of the third act. 

next, make it so that ian was rejected by his grandparents. maybe ian at some point also defied his mom to seek out estranged family; but where daphne’s dad let her stay, ian’s grandparents insulted him and told him they didn’t want him around. they called him illegitimate and a mistake. so when daphne chooses to try to conform, ian is reacting to those feelings rather than projecting his own feelings of personal superiority. 

and finally, make daphne try to fit in much sooner, but make her super bad at it. my roommates and i watched this movie the other night and one of them made the very good point that daphne’s grandmother and father sit her down and are like, “there is a certain way you’re supposed to behave,” but they don’t tell her how to do that. 

so let’s actually keep that part. maybe daphne overcorrects. she knows she’s fucking up, so she believes she shouldn’t be doing anything fun or interesting or making conversation with anyone. this isn’t great. her charm is in how friendly, fun-loving, and proactive she is. she does what she wants and people find it refreshing. make people start to be like, “wow, lord dashwood’s daughter is kind of weird and stiff. it’s clear she isn’t used to places like this, what a rube.” 

now we get to the third act, and the boat scene. in the boat, ian tells her about his family, and apologizes and offers to try and help her, if this is what she wants. now ian is playing more of an active role, and he’s contributing to her life in a positive way. 

because as it is, he does nothing that i couldn’t get rid of very easily. so...

get rid of ian. 

here are the effects ian currently has on the plot: 

daphne riding away on the back of a motorcycle makes henry worry about her, and he realizes he’s developing paternal feelings toward her. he calls libby and libby affirms and empathizes with those feelings. 

ian is in the band at the party where the chandelier is destroyed. 

ian talks a lot about how daphne’s supposed to stand out. 

ian stresses daphne out, which sort of artificially raises the stakes. 

ian shows up right at the end to reward daphne for existing. 

especially because ian’s criticisms are so disconnected from daphne’s motivations, nothing he does is particularly helpful to the plot in a way that he couldn’t be replaced. 

daphne has a tattoo in the movie, and when henry sees it, he’s sort of like, wow, she’s kind of a wild child, she reminds me of me when i was young. instead of a motorcycle boyfriend, make daphne get the tattoo in london. henry calls libby like, “she just got a tattoo!” and libby is like, “i remember you holding my hand while i got my first tattoo.” 

maybe the live band takes a break, and daphne sneaks up and hooks up the speakers to her ipod or something, and she plays super loud music herself. 

i already talked about how pointless this is. also, we don’t need a greek chorus telling us what’s going on. show, don’t tell. 

daphne is already stressed. those motivations can come from inside daphne.

why would henry seek out daphne’s ex-boyfriend and fly him out to new york to impose on daphne and her mom? this is so weird. go home. 

ian is replaceable. to the left, to the left. 

[boltsandashes]

ultimate ship meme || accepting

@memoryhallowed said: ship meme but ur choice outta our ships :)

noooo making me choose ahh. ok, daaron? (bc i feel like they’re more likely to get married than desus)

Send in two (or more) names and I’ll fill all this out about the ship!

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs (I mean i have like three OTPs for Daryl but fr this needs to be canon next season)

How long will they last? - Once Daryl finally gets his head out of his ass and they get together they’ll be unbreakable

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I think this one crept up slow and probably happened without either of them fully realizing it. They’re a true friends to lovers trope.

How was their first kiss? - in most ‘verses probably tentative at first, searching and slow, feeling each other out and then quickly going deeper.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Daryl. I think Aaron would’ve probably brought it up, feeling the idea out, feeling how Daryl felt about it but wouldn’t want to push him. Then one day Daryl’d kind of casually be like “so... you wanna do the thing?”

Who is the best man/men? - god... me just sitting here trying to think who’s still alive/around that they’re friends with. I think depending on the timeline it’d be Jesus and/or Rick. ...Can’t actually think of anyone from s10 they’d ask though, huh.

Who is the bridesmaid(s)? - Gracie, Lydia, Judith, Michonne, Carol... many options. Ok forget the best men, just lots of bridesmaids XD

Who did the most planning? - Aaron, though Daryl’d poke his head in and point at food or floral arrangements from time to time.

Who stressed the most? - Daryl, probably. If only about the awkwardness of a ceremony

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding (Aaron would probably want something nice with their friends around and Daryl’d want to give him that) | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Negan XP

Sex:

Who is on top? - switch, probably

Who is the one to instigate things? - both

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - A while, they like to take their time and enjoy it

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - I feel like amount matters less than quality

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - 0

How many children will they adopt? - a feeew

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Aaron, since he’s got so much experience XP (nah, daryl would do his share)

Who is the stricter parent? - oof. they’d both be marshmallows. Aaron would probably be stricter so far as bedtimes and homework and whatnot.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Daryl (because he’d probably find out about it happening more)

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Aaron

Who is the more loved parent? - my inner Daryl is saying Aaron, obviously 😅

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Aaron

Who cried the most at graduation? - Daryl 😅

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Daryl

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - I think they’d trade off

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Aaron. Daryl will eat literally anything.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Aaron

How often do they bake desserts? - Occasionally. Daryl wouldn’t be great at it but I feel like they’d have fun doing it together. Ugh, domestic feels

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - meat

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? -

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Aaron (unless you mean out past the walls bc then Daryl)

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - I guess Daryl but also definitely not Daryl. He’d be careful about that shit. 

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Aaron

Who is really against chores? - Neither (though Daryl’d definitely complain about certain “around the house” chores, like what is the point of this)

Who cleans up after the pets? - Daryl

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Daryl

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Daryl if it’s strangers, Aaron if it’s friends

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - I genuinely do not understand this question 😂i guess whichever one was cleaning there that day idk

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Aaron

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Daryl

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - they’d do it up for the holidays for sure. Aaron’d be all for it and Daryl would secretly love doing all the fun silly cute traditions he never got to before

What are their goals for the relationship? - loving, protecting, and accepting each other and their kids the way they didn’t have, growing up

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Aaron? Daryl’s up early

Who plays the most pranks? - probably Daryl. he does have a playful/mischievous side that miiiight come out once they’re real happy and comfy with each other.

[foofygoldfish]

"because of lou" jsjsjsjs. it's a big meme, so i'll start with pink butterfly!

General:

Rate the Ship

Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last?

A long time lol - after what they’ve been through in Hope County? At the very least, they’re going to stick together platonically, but they really do love each other

How quickly did/will they fall in love? -

Pretty quick, oops - it was kinda a “we’re enemies, we’re enemies, we’re enemies, ….fuck, i really like her, when did i fall in love with you?” thing. My personal timeline for the game is about six months from helicopter crash to the final showdown with Joseph. Alice first goes to the Henbane about a week and a half in, and first meets Faith after helping the County Jail. They first talked person-to-person, not Herald-to-Deputy about three weeks after the crash, and “I love you” was first said on Halloween, though that was literally when Alice realised that she had actual, hard feelings for Faith, not just a little crush.

How was their first kiss?

….The first that wasn’t Faith the one in ‘you’ll always belong to me’? Lol. It was still unexpected -  Alice had camped out somewhere in the Henbane the night before she was planning on going and checking out the Elliot’s house and see what was going on at the F.A.N.G. center. Faith-faith, not apparition Faith, appeared, and they sat and talked for a while, before Faith leaned over and gave Alice a quick kiss and told her to go to sleep, she had a big day ahead of her.

Wedding:

Going with the no-bomb au for this, sorry lol

Who proposed?

Alice!

Who is the best man/men?

Oh god, you’re making me dig for this - For the big wedding? Mary May is Alice’s maid of honor, with Hurk, Hudson, Grace, and Claire as her bridesmaids.

Who are the bridesmaid(s)?

For Faith - Elizabeth is her maid of honor, with Kim, Carolina, and Jane (Alice’s sister) as her bridesmaids.

Neither had anyone for their first wedding, beyond someone with them to sign the paperwork.

Who did the most planning?

Uh. For the first wedding? Faith. Second wedding? Neither Faith or Alice were allowed to touch the planning stuff, it was all Mary May and Adelaide.

Who stressed the most?

Alice, because of the not being allowed to be involved with the planning (other than certain vetoes), and Faith - both times, she was worried about people’s perception of her still.

How fancy was the ceremony?

First wedding at their cabin: Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Second wedding in Fall’s End: Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding?

Joseph, oops. I didn’t write that any of the brothers were there, but John and Jacob were sitting in the back watching the ceremony. Joseph, however, is still locked up….

Oh, Hurk Sr too

Sex:

Who is on top?

They take turns, but usually Alice

Who is the one to instigate things?

….70/30 Alice to Faith lol

How healthy is their sex life?

Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they?

Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | ….6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last?

How much time do they have? Lol. They’re both pretty good at quickies, but they both love getting to take their time and draw things out.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms?

Oh, absolutely.

How rough are they in bed?

Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do?

No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7| 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally?

One - David

How many children will they adopt?

Two! Claire and Caroline! :)

Who gets stuck with the most diapers?

…Faith has a stronger stomach than Alice, so Faith.

Who is the stricter parent?

Also Faith lol - Alice would like to be, but… She’s pretty lax. As long as they aren’t breaking any laws or being stupid, she’s fine.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school?

Alice remembers the stupid shit she got up to, and she absolutely does not want any of the kids to do what she did lol

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)?

Neither - the kids usually get lunch at school

Who is the more loved parent?

David loves both his moms, Claire likes Alice more, and Caro likes Faith more lol (they do love both their moms, it’s just… their interests just align more with one or the other)

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings?

Alice

Who cried the most at graduation?

Alice, lol - Faith would be sitting next to her sighing, rubbing her back.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law?

The first time it happens? The one that got in trouble expected Alice to help them.

She didn’t.

She said it was their fuckup, they get to deal with it. (She’ll pay bail, if that’s a thing, but the kid has to pay her back)

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking?

Alice is not allowed to cook. Faith learned that pretty early - she’s not a huge fan of cooking herself, but it’s better than eating at the Spread Eagle every day…

Who is the most picky in their food choice?

Alice, but mostly because her favorite foods aren’t really a thing in Montana.

Who does the grocery shopping?

Alice! If they’re going to the city for shopping, instead of just at the general store in town, she’ll make a day of it and go see a movie, go to a park, etc.

If it’s just in Fall’s End, though, it’s Faith - Alice thinks the general store is super depressing lol

How often do they bake desserts?

Maybe once a week? After everything, Alice likes to keep cookies in the house, and her and Faith have fun prepping them.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater?

Alice likes meat, Faith likes salad lol

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner?

Alice.

Grace helped make the food.

And by helped, I mean that most of the food was made by Grace, Alice just made it all look pretty.

Who is more likely to suggest going out?

Alice lol - her “cooking” is getting take-out.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking?

…Alice. 100000%.

Chores:

Who cleans the room?

They both do - they’re fine with a certain level of clutter/mess, but they work to keep it from getting too bad.

Who is really against chores?

They’ve come up with a good split on the chores - they both like doing different things, so neither of them has to do stuff they don’t like, unless the other asks. (Like - Faith hates cleaning the bathroom, Alice hates doing the dishes, etc.)

Who cleans up after the pets?   

Alice - Faith was very firm on that lol. Alice is why they’re in the house, so unless Alice asks for help, she’s not going out of her way to clean up (normal) messes.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug?

…Alice.

Claire catches her doing it once, and she just laughs and has to promise Alice not to tell.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over?

Faith - Alice just throws random clutter into their bedroom to deal with later, but Faith wants the house to be just a tad cleaner.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning?

…..Sharky.

He was digging for a chip that he dropped lol

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths?

Alice - Not being pressured or restricted to short showers is one of her favorite things about moving out to Montana

Who takes the dog out for a walk?

Usually Alice, though Boomer loves his walks along the creek that runs through town that Faith will take him on.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays?

Alice insists on Halloween and Christmas, though Faith eventually gets her to decorate for Valentines day as well. They go all out for the first two, with just touches of pink getting added around the house for Valentines.

What are their goals for the relationship?

They don’t really have any? They want to be together and be happy. They’d love to move somewhere warmer when they’re old and the kids have moved on, but… At least at this point, they’re still preoccupied with rebuilding the county.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon?

Alice. 100%.

Who plays the most pranks?

Claire and Caro, when they move in lmao

Faith will show them a few little things, but overall, Faith and Alice don’t really do pranks.

[retroservos]

Hi hello!! i'm gonna bug you about the ship meme: tycutio?

Hi there!! Do bug me about Tycutio hehe, all jokes aside, you’re not a bother at all. Also, tycutio was also requested by @primaverasims so here you go aswell! Thank you both for requesting! :D

-

General:

Rate the Ship -  

Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - I’d say most of their lives, if not until they die. their relationship is complicated but they’re incredibly close even if they do play-bully each other quite a bit. 

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - Those weird repressed feelings were kinda there for a really long time. It wasn’t a love at first sight cliche by any means, but there was always something there.

How was their first kiss? - More awkward than you’d think. It happened a while back at Tybalt’s surprise party- courtesy of Hermia- after Mercutio accidentally ruined his party. He felt really bad, like really bad. (More on this if I ever get my ass in gear lol) 

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Mercutio. He’s a tricky fella and popped the question at dinner while Tybalt was sipping his wine- typical Capp. Needless to say, Mercutio was drenched in a glorious mix of tears and wine by the end of the night.

Who is the best man/men? - Romeo

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Hermia and Juliette, obviously lol

Who stressed the most? - Tybalt, he wanted everything to be perfect.

How fancy was the ceremony? - I’d say pretty fancy, if a Capp is involved things will obviously be pretty extravagant.

Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - It was almost Romeo, because Tybalt still has big beef with him but of course, he’s Mercutio’s brother so he had to come. Tybalt and Mercutio were finally able to agree on not inviting Cornwall, who’s always been a less than pleasant uncle to Tybalt. 

Sex:

Who is on top? - Mercutio, no questions asked.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Usually Mercutio

How healthy is their sex life? - Pretty healthy. We’re talking about a relationship involving Mercutio fucking Monty, are we not?

Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Hmmm kinky enough to concern anyone in the room over

Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - Usually 45 minutes to an hour on average.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Usually, sometimes it’s more one person’s night than the other. 

How rough are they in bed? - Jesus, they’re vulgar and rough.

Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - After that, Tybalt usually falls right asleep (lmao) and Mercutio spoons him a bit. The next mornings are never easy..

No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Maybe 1 or two

How many children will they adopt? - Most likely 1, unless Mercutio someone gives in and wants to end up with more responsibility 

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Tybalt

Who is the stricter parent? - Tybalt, but Mercutio can be pretty stern too.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - They both would want their kids to be safe, and not do the dumb shit they both did as kids/teens. 

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Tybalt is up at 5, getting everything ready before Mercutio goes in to wake them up. 

Who is the more loved parent? - Mercutio is the cool dad everyone would want, which sometimes bothers Tybalt because he’s not the most responsible even though he’s a good father. 

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? They take turns. 

Who cried the most at graduation? - Mercutio for sure 

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Mercutio just because he’s always been the kind of dude with balls to do a lot of dumb shit, so he can understand rebellious kids. 

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Mercutio, his little niche so to speak roots back to the tricks his uncle taught him at the restaurant on weekends. 

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Tybalt is ridiculously picky and it drives Mercutio absolutely batty. 

Who does the grocery shopping? - Tybalt, if he let Mercutio shop their pantries would be filled with junk food. 

How often do they bake desserts? - Mercutio bakes quite often, he’s the one to surprised Tybalt with a nice cake after work just because. 

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Mercutio doesn’t mind his greens, but prefers junk over the healthy stuff Tybalt eats all the time. 

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Tybalt is the one to take Mercutio out, whereas Mercutio would prefer a little setup in the comfort of their own. 

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Tybalt, as I mentioned above hehe

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Mercutio is a big klutz, but does most of the cooking. Tybalt never knows what’ll happen, so he’s got the fire department on speed dial just in case. 

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Tybalt

Who is really against chores? - Mercutio will literally lay around and procrastinate until Tybalt does them for him. 

Who cleans up after the pets? - Mercutio, Tybalt is too squeamish to pick up after the pets.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Mercutio, but after cleaning for too long Tybalt would totally be the one to sweep stuff under the rug. 

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Tybalt. He feels like everything needs to be spotless if Capps are coming over.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Mercutio lmao, he’s got a stash of just the money he’s found between the cushions. 

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Tybalt, he’s always got to pamper himself. He’s a high maintenance man. 

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Mercutio

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Mercutio is always the one to decorate wayyyy too early. Especially for Halloween. 

What are their goals for the relationship? - To be on the same page and not let their differences tear them apart.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Mercutio. He’s like a bear, he could sleep for a whole day if he wanted to. 

Who plays the most pranks? - Mercutio, but Tybalt’s pranks are super unexpected when he does decide to serve up some payback. 

[heyscience]

If I Were Inquisitor - Ask Meme.

@batsintheshadows @tea-me-and-smut @foxywolfmeerkat13 @howling-at-night OMG THIS IS SO FUN YOU GUYS HOLY SHIT!! Thanks so much for writing yours, and I’m so stoked to finally share mine!

If you are reading this and want to give it a shot, please reblog the original post and I’ll send you an ask! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, I LOVE READING PEOPLE’S ANSWERS. THEY’RE ALL. SO GOOD!!!!

1. Race: I want to be a giant muscley mountain of a Qunari. I wanna be the very best, like no-one ever was, at smashing my enemies’ faces in and giving the best goddamn hugs there is. 

2. Class/Specialization: Two-handed Warrior/Champion. I like hitting things, and I love the idea of getting involved in all that pompous Orlesian chevalier bullshit and RUINING IT for ALL OF THEM.

3. Your homeland? It’s gotta be somewhere warm and by the sea (because I love the ocean and also I can’t deal with the cold cos I am WEAK), so I’m thinking Rivain. Ooh! And that would mean I’d have a bunch of sick tattoos and piercings! Rad.

4. Your family? (Ok so I’m basing this loosely off my irl family because they’re my best point of reference I guess????)

So, my family. I love them, but they’re a mess.

My Mum was the ideal Tamassran. A devout adherent to the Qun. She worked as a healer and was very well respected in her field.

That was until she met my Dad, who in short, looked at the Qun and was like ‘fuck this shit I’m out.’

Dad was a soldier and one day he was wounded in battle, ended up in the hospice where Mum worked, wooed her, and they ran away together to Rivain.

They had my brother and I and then realised that they’re actually polar opposites and it’s a wonder they were ever attracted to each other. They split up, re-partnered and had more kids. So I have a pile of siblings that I have varying degrees of blood relation with, but we all consider each other fully part of our extended, convoluted family (for serious - irl I have 9 siblings).

Mum taught me business sense and how to tend to battle wounds, Dad taught me how to fight. I’ve got a lot of family of various races all over Thedas, all related (not necessarily by blood) one way or another. People say lovely things about my Mum, and the craziest things about my Dad - the stories of his exploits are so outrageous it’s difficult to believe any of them are true (like irl my dad was involved in organised crime for a while but quit cos he got bored????).

I love my family but I’m really bad at keeping in contact with them, so I get the occasional letter from Mum being like ‘ARE YOU DEAD?!’

Leliana has taken to sending her reassuring updates preemptively.

5. Who were you before? I imagine I’d be part of something like a dnd adventuring party.

We started out as a ragtag group of misfits, travelling the land in search of gold and glory. It was mostly treasure hunting and mercenary gigs, and some of the work we did on the high seas was um, legal-adjacent (piracy). But occasionally we’d stop to lend a hand to those in need, pass ourselves off as bards to earn extra coin in small-town taverns, and we even involved ourselves in vigilante justice a couple of times.

We grew into our own little family, and eventually we found ourselves wanting to do the type of work that really mattered. That’s why we signed ourselves up to work security at the Conclave, with a plan to move into aiding refugees in Ferelden afterwards. It didn’t. Quite. Work out that way. Unfortunately.

6. Would you be religious? That’s a hard no.

7. Do you have a mabari? YES PUPPY! Who is also a fully fledged member of our adventuring troupe I might add.

8. Your opinion on other races? Elves = rad, dwarves = awesome, humans = eh, dragons?? = HELL YES

9. What would Varric’s nickname for you be? Stubby.

10. What would your tarot card look like? This one is hard! I’m thinking a lot of compass imagery (because the sea and travelling and finding your way etc.)...and I’d have to be facing at an angle that best accentuates my glorious biceps.

11. Where would you hang out in Skyhold? I like to be in the centre of the action, but I’m not sure where that would be?? Probably in the main Skyhold courtyard near the entrance, in amongst the merchants? It’d be a good spot to see the comings and goings, check in with recruits and workers for the Inquisition, and also play with any kids who might be around. 

It’s important to make sure the kids of the Inquisition are happy and healthy and, um, ok Josie I’ll admit it, they’re also way more fun to hang out with than that stuffy noble whoeverthefuck you just brought in from Orlais.

12. What would you do for fun? Knock back beers in the Herald’s Rest with my companions, come up with dirty drinking songs with Sera, get blackout drunk with Dorian (although I’ll eventually realise it’s a very unhealthy coping mechanism and encourage Dorian to join me in cutting down the booze), swap stories and quality bants with Varric, beg Vivienne for fashion advice, gush over romance novels with Cass, have tea and gossip sessions with Josie, poke fun at Cullen, spar with the Inquisition recruits (and scare the shit out of them), and, just anything to distract from the looming horror that is Corypheus.

13. What armour would you wear? Heavy, shiny, and bloodstone red.

14. What would your room look like? Organised chaos. I love playing host so my room would look mostly neat, but the writing desk would be an absolute mess. It would probably make poor Josie hyperventilate (which is why I’d always suggest we discuss things in her office, or at least give me plenty of notice before swinging by my chambers so I can tidy up). 

15. Who would be your friends at Skyhold? I’d wanna be friends with pretty much everyone, but I think I’d be closest with Dorian (BUT of course only after giving him a solid scolding for his views on slavery, and I’d only continue talking to him if he came to his senses).

We have a very similar sense of humour, and. Oh man. I have way more feelings about this than I thought I would. In short - I can imagine both laughing with him and collapsing on the floor together with a bottle of wine (each) and many tears.

16. Would you have any friends outside of the Inquisition? This makes me sad because my closest friends outside the Inquisition would be my adventuring party and they..would’ve...the Conclave...EVEN MY MABARI. MY POOR PUPPY. OH GOD WHY. TOO MANY FEELINGS.

17. Who wouldn’t you get along with? Cole. It’s not that I don’t like him, I’d just be super awkward around him, like ‘HELLO SPIRIT CHILD HOW ARE YOU TODAY. OH, IS THAT AN INSECURITY OF MINE YOU JUST POINTED OUT?! WELL COOL, GOOD TALK.’ 

18. Who would you romance? I know this isn’t possible in Inquisition but I would like to be in a polyamorous relationship with Isabela. SHE IS MY FICTIONAL SOULMATE OK.

(Also I’m more than a little bit in love with Cullen but I hate myself for it so)

19. Would you do pranks with Sera? AbsoLUTELY.

20. Would you sleep with the Iron Bull (casually if not romance)? 100% YES. It’d only be an occasional thing tho, cos while I’m a masochist and I like being tied up I’m not really a sub. I’d mostly go to him for bondage tips and um. Requests for. Demonstrations.

21. Would you keep Cole around? Yes. I’d still be weirded out by him, but I acknowledge that it’s completely not his fault. I’d take his word for it that he just wants to help people and let him have at it with that freaky mind-reading and vanishing shit he does.

22. Can you play the game (politics)? A little bit. I’d have to work the scandal angle. Being a Qunari I could never hope to assimilate into the realms of the nobility, but I could win their favour by being something of a novelty. Much like Casanova in this brilliant adaptation starring David Tennant - watch from 10:42.

You see, you don’t have to be liked by everybody, just the right people, and you can usually get them onside by just being very fucking entertaining.

23. What would be on your tombstone in the fade (What are you afraid of)? Ghosts. I’m not sure how well that translates to a Thedas setting but still, it’s my biggest fear so I’m sticking with it.

24. Who would you recruit to seal the breach? Mages.

25. Opinion on Mages versus Templars? Ok, so I have a proposal for how to fix this bullshit:  

1. The Chantry should relinquish any and all control over the affairs of mages. Separation of Church and State, simple as that.

2. The Templar Order should be disbanded, and the practice of indenturing soldiers by saddling them with a lyrium addiction should be banned.

3. All people in Thedas (and I mean ALL) should be taught about magic from a young age, both the gifts and dangers of its use. Everyone should learn about magical safety and how to resist demonic possession.

4. Mage children should attend the same schools as everyone else, but they can hone their skills in their late teens to early adulthood in mage colleges, with free tuition paid by the State (of wherever part of Thedas this is). They can research magic, learn a trade or train in combat, whatever they choose. Mages will be allowed to earn money, marry, have families, and have some actual freaking rights. None of this ‘hunt ‘em down and lock ‘em up’ bullshit.

5. Also the Rite of Tranquility WHAT THE FUCK. I can’t believe it’s a thing people actually agree to do. This rite should be downright fucking outlawed, and severe penalties levelled at the people who attempt it.

26. Who would be put in charge of Orlais and why? Briala. I wouldn’t suggest to Briala that she should get back together with Celene, because honestly their relationship was really fucked up and Celene abused the power imbalance between them. Briala deserves better (like for example me..maybe...but y’know, only if she wants to..)

So I would keep Celene on the throne but hand over all real power to Briala. Celene is a crafty one however, so we’d have to corner her with blackmail and keep a hidden killswitch on hand in case she tries to pull a fast one on us (just like the Voltron kids should be doing with Lotor, which sorry, I know that isn’t related but I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT IT).

27. Would you sacrifice the Chargers? NEVER.

Seriously Fuck the Qun. The Qun actively promotes eugenics with how they selectively “breed” their people. ALSO the Qunari are gaslighted into believing that they will literally go insane if they don’t follow the Qun?!!!?!?!!??!??! FUCK THAT SHIT.

So yeah, I was never keen on the idea of allying with the Qunari, so when Gatt’s like ‘if you sacrifice the dreadnought there will be no alliance’ I’m like ‘I am ok with this.’ Also, of course, I love the Chargers with all my heart and couldn’t bear to lose them.

28. Would you go after Blackwall? Yeah. He should put all his moral posturing to good fucking use and try being an actual hero. I’d make him join the Wardens, cos it’s effectively a death sentence (or an early grave at least ) and I don’t 100% dislike him, so I know he’d be cool with it because he has a giant fucking hard-on for the Wardens (Jesus fuck). 

29. Would you drink from the well? Nnnnnoooooooooo..and it’s because I would fucking die for Morrigan. I wish I could say I have a well considered reason, but I’m just pathetic like that. She could say jump and I’d say ‘I’d rather not, but, counter offer - would you instead like to sit on my face?’ 

30. Where would you go if the Inquisition was disbanded? Minrathous. It’s warmer there (I love Skyhold but fucking hate the cold), and I would involve myself in the inevitable slave uprising - helping out in whatever way I can. Also I’d just be having a fucking great time terrorising the Magisters, rocking up at the Magisterium like ‘LOOKIT ME I’M A RAGING QUNARI HERE TO INVADE, RARRGHH!! oh hey Dorian, what’s up babe how’ve you been????’

31. How do you react to the egg telling you he is an elven god? The five stages of grief:

Denial - lol no ur not, you’re our painty pyjamas nerd! 

Anger - Wait, so it’s YOUR FUCKING FAULT MY FRIENDS AND EVERYONE ELSE DIED AT THE CONCLAVE??!?! I AM GONNA GUT YOU AND STRING YOU UP BY YOUR INTESTINES SO I CAN USE YOUR WEEDY BODY AS A GORE PINATA YOU FUCKING MONSTER 

Bargaining - but you’re a god right? Does that mean you can bring them back? Can you undo all this somehow? You gotta have superpowers or some shit right??!?

Depression - After all we’ve been through...you never even saw us as people, did you? Did you ever think of me as a friend? Or anyone else? How could you be ok with murdering your friends? Solas, please, you don’t have to do this. I know that if we work together we can find a better way. You don’t have to destroy the world to save it.

Acceptance - ..................I fUCKING HATE YOU SOLAS.

[queen0fkingss]

Ultimate Ship!!! Blaine & Aaron!

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - Forever honestly they’re just so sweet sladfj

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - Considering we did start kinda shipping it out of the blue (lol no regrets) I like to think they maybe knew each other for a couple months before they began to realize “oh shit I guess I can’t live without this person in my life :O”

How was their first kiss? - Lets just say... sparks flew *shot*

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Aaron, in Blaine’s favorite restaurant. Everyone around them clapped. It was beautiful.

Who is the best man/men? - I definitely know Damion would be there for them!!

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Jaden would likely be the best woman, and as a joke Aaron might make Emily the honorary flower girl LOL

Who did the most planning? - Probably Blaine lmao but Aaron does help out a lot with it.

Who stressed the most? - I like to think they both stressed pretty equally here. Mostly just jitters with Aaron.

How fancy was the ceremony? - Nothing very huge, Aaron’s got a sense for simple things so it’s probably pretty basic but still special at the same time cause he’s marrying the love of his life?? Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Nobody really, but they probably have to kick Kadria out early because she keeps drinking all the wine and flirting with Blaine too much LOL

Sex: (considering they actually get to that point lol)

Who is on top? - I like to think they switch a lot, but for their first time, probably Blaine. Simply because Aaron isn’t experienced lol

Who is the one to instigate things? - Again, Blaine, because Aaron’s a dweeb lmao

How healthy is their sex life? - It doesn’t happen too often, at least not all the way?? Like... Once Aaron’s more comfortable he’ll probably give a good hand job. Even going that far though takes a lot of working up the nerve from him so it doesn’t happen too often.Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Well I know for a fact that Aaron’s not kinky at all lmaoStraight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - If Blaine actually manages to get him into that kind of situation, Aaron will probably last anywhere from 3 to 5 minutes lmao and he’s not exactly proud of that

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - For the sake of being fair, probably?? But Aaron’s perfectly content if he doesn’t get any action, so long as Blaine is happy.

How rough are they in bed? - They’re pretty soft I like to think. Things can get a little exciting once in a blue moon but for the most part it’s calm and quiet. Eventually Aaron might enjoy the way Blaine says his name.Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - Aaron might not be too into the whole sex part, but he’s definitely a cuddler and he knows Blaine is too lmaoNo touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - 0

How many children will they adopt? - Once things settle down, I think Aaron would want two kids.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - LOL Aaron probably, lucky him he can’t exactly smell it.

Who is the stricter parent? - Aaron probably.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - BOTH LOL

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Blaine definitely, Aaron’s just not the best cook lmao

Who is the more loved parent? - They’re both loved a lot by their kids.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Both, they’re both interested in how their kids are doing in school and are eager to hear what their teachers have to say.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Blaine lmao, Aaron can’t exactly cry per se but he’s pretty emotional too.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Both, but Aaron would be way more frustrated with the kids and would probably dish out a harsher punishment, which might consist of an extended grounding or making them do public service.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Blaine lol

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - I wanna say neither.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Aaron and Blaine often go together, but sometimes Blaine will do it himself.

How often do they bake desserts? - Maybe for a little occasion? Part of me likes to think that they’ll have little cookies available almost all the time once they get kids or visitors. They’ll definitely have a cookie jar LOL

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - It’s a balance of both, I like to think.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Aaron probably, he’s real big on anniversaries and birthdays and the like. He remembers them every year.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Aaron, he likes being around the town with Blaine but gets protective if someone tries to flirt Blaine up lol

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - lmao I mean... probably neither because Aaron doesn’t cook all the time and he can also tell when something’s not right.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both, but mostly Aaron.

Who is really against chores? - Neither really, but Aaron is more willing to actually do them lol

Who cleans up after the pets? - “If you found the mess, you gotta clean it” Is the main rule for this one LOL

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Probably Blaine, and Aaron catches him every time lmao

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Neither really?? They’re just both really chill.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Trick question, they both saw it at the same time and decide to have a titan arm wrestling contest to determine who gets it lmao

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Blaine, Aaron doesn’t shower a lot since he’s kind of a robot. Just give him a once-over with a duster and he’s good lmao

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Both, though they sometimes bicker on early morning or evening walks with Aaron favoring morning.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Definitely christmas every year, and the other holidays are occasional.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Aaron just wants Blaine to be happy, and to live out his life in peace with him.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - lmao Blaine probably, and Aaron just lets him 

Who plays the most pranks? - I’m inclined to say Blaine but sometimes he manages to get Aaron on board too lmao

[formerlynightboy-blog]

Miles and Ray for the ship meme?

ULTIMATE SHIP MEME!

Send in two (or more) names and I’ll fill all this out about the ship!

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - FOREVER AND EVER

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - They’re still in the “very strong like” phase right now. We’ll see how long before “love” happens but I feel like it won’t be as long as we think.

How was their first kiss? - Cute. Adorable. Almost shy, but definitely cute

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Ray, but they have a longer than average engagement period because the doofy red-head proposed pretty early in the relationship and they both realized maaaaybe they should simmer a little bit before tying the knot

Who is the best man/men? - I really have no idea for either of these hahaha

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? -

Who did the most planning? - Probably Miles. Miles seems like more of a planner

Who stressed the most? - Also Miles

How fancy was the ceremony? -  Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big. -- except maybe not in a church; probably a pretty “standard” wedding, though

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Miles’ parents except they’re in jail so they couldn’t come anyway.

Sex:

Who is on top? - In terms of physical location, Ray because Miles can’t be on top very well. But in terms of sexual position/penetration, they mix it up, probably with Ray “bottoming” more often.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Ray, definitely

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now -- They do it semi-regularly. Few times a week, but I don’t see them fucking like rabbits the way some of my other ships go.

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head - They’re still exploring what they actually like in sex since neither of them has any prior experience.

How long do they normally last? -

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Absolutely

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it. -- I feel like they’re actually pretty slow an steady most fo the time

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. -- Oh geez, there might not be a lot of PDA but when they’re at home alone together they’re always snuggling on the couch or in bed.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - None

How many children will they adopt? - If they do adopt it’s probably later in life. Their late 30s. I feel like they’re both going through some shit and on some level they recognize they’re not ready for kids until they get through that shit first. But I feel like they’d adopt no more than two.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Ray does.

Who is the stricter parent? - Miles. I feel like he worries more. Ray’s entire life was a prison until he ran away, so he’s probably really lax since he doesn’t want the kids to feel trapped.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Miles

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Ray since he likes to be creative with it (and he’s a speedster too so he can do it super fast)

Who is the more loved parent? - I hate this question :P

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Miles, especially if their kids have disabilities.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Ray hahahaha

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - I think either of them would but they usually agree Miles should actually go do it.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Ray tries but he gets kind of impatient

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Eh

Who does the grocery shopping? -They go together

How often do they bake desserts? - Not very often but it’s a semi-weekly thing.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Ray prefers salad. He's not a big eater

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Ray. He always overdoes it for holidays and celebrations.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Ray

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Ray because he means well but he’s a little doofy sometimes

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Ray does the big stuff. Dusting, vacuuming, that kind of thing. Miles does the smaller stuff. Organizing, putting things where they belong

Who is really against chores? - Neither one of them is excited about chores but they’re also both speedy so the chores go by pretty quick.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Miles since it’s his cat (though I doubt he minds)

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Neither one since the chores really don’t take too long

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - If it’s someone he doesn’t know, Ray, because he doesn’t want to come off as an idiot. Otherwise, Miles.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Ray.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Mm, probably Miles out of necessity more than desire. But I feel like once a week or so they take a bath together.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - What dog? They keep cats for a reason

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Well with their ability to decorate and un-decorate quickly? Often.

What are their goals for the relationship? - idk, I never know what this question expects

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Ray. Growing up in total darkness has thrown his Circadian rhythm off a bit

Who plays the most pranks? - Miles. Don’t let that innocent face fool you.

[iamkindling]

I picked the worst year to stop taking my meds (part two): a family matter

I was a a pretty angsty kid, and an even angstier teen. I’d feel bad for my parents for having to deal with my me, but I don’t, because boy howdy, I could have been a lot worse. All things considered, I was a damn good kid to raise.

I participated in extracurricular activities, sang in the church choir, preferred books to TV, all those good things. I was reasonably obedient, tried to do my chores when I was told, and usually felt genuine guilt when I did something wrong.

My first distinct memories of depression are from when I was about ten years old. That’s when I-

- Started seeking solitude because I couldn’t understand or identify with the unrelenting optimism of some of my peers

- First realized the gravity of death

- Began to doubt that God had anyone’s best interest at heart

Depression began with those things, and anxiety followed quickly on its footsteps. I developed a phobia of the sound of the phone ringing. That was how news was delivered. And most news was bad news those days.

My family is deeply religious. I don’t blame them. Christianity has been good to them, for the most part. There is value in shared community and common beliefs and goals. I don’t think anyone doubts that. But I began to find religion deeply troubling at a young age. I couldn’t understand a god who could speak of vengeance and forgiveness, who could promise peace and rain down destruction, who could tout acceptance but encourage judgement and death at every turn.

I couldn’t understand how God could answer my fervent prayers for a little brother, only to snatch him away, and almost take my mom, too.

Less than a year after a turbulent miscarriage, my mother became pregnant again. Due to tense family situations I still don’t fully understand (and probably never will), my parents decided it would be best if we kept my mom’s pregnancy a secret. We didn’t tell anyone. Not relatives, not friends, nobody. It was a strange thing to ask of a ten year old still grappling with grief. Not only did I feel silenced by my parents’ request, I felt silenced by my lack of friends (I couldn’t have anyone come over to visit, and I felt intensely socially awkward), and by my family’s situation (complaints felt unwarranted and trivial; my brother was dead, what did I have to complain about?). I began to feel reluctant to form attachments, even to the thing growing in my mother’s belly. Impermanence was a brand new concept. I could think of little else.

Through it all my family relied on faith. Even after my youngest sister was born (healthy baby and mom, no further complications) and we’d told all the relevant parties (I remember my mom’s first conversation with her mother about the new grandchild quite clearly), the memories of that bizarre year followed me. It still does, well over a decade later. Lots of my family’s “church friends” discussed the miscarriage in terms of a “trial” to “prepare the way” for my family and my youngest sister.

I’ve never thought of my brother in that way. I refuse to. If causing suffering and confusion was part of god’s “plan,” I wanted no part in it.

I began to doubt early, and doubted for a good ten years before I realized I wasn’t religious any longer. If anything has given me lasting peace about my brother’s death and the turmoil my family went through in those days, it’s been my realization that it wasn’t part of a plan. I think my family fiends peace in their belief that it was.

I did my best to stick to the program in my teen years. I attended church, participated in clubs, plays, Bible studies, retreats, and church camps. I served in the youth ministry at church as a leader, wrote plays based on Bible stories, and invited my “unsaved” friends at school to go to wednesday night youth group activities. But I did plenty of things in the “secular” world, too.

Marching band, show choir, and school plays teach more than just performance and artistry. Most of what I learned about sex, dating, swearing, and popular culture came from those activities. They were the few places I could be my “non-church” self at without fear of repercussions. I made friends my parents wouldn’t approve of, which was a fantastic thing. I learned the value of earned camaraderie, sarcasm, and confidence from my secular peers. I began to value my time away from home more than I valued time at home. I began to fear going home because I didn’t feel myself there. I began to dislike home because it meant I had to stay quiet while I listened to my father rail against things I began to identify with.

Once while driving me to school, my dad passed one of my friends who was walking on the sidewalk. She was listening to music and singing aloud. My dad scowled, then laughed and shook his head. It was clear he thought she was stupid or crazy. “Don’t wind up like that,” he told me. My junior year of high school I got permission to host the school play cast party at my house. My parents mentioned they wouldn’t be pleased if a certain cast member showed up because he was homosexual, and didn’t want that kind of “influence” around their home. I didn’t tell that particular friend (because he was, truly, a good friend of mine) what they’d said, but I think he knew.

My family was in a constant state of stress. Something was always happening. Usually “bad” things. Small things to stress over, argue over, pick fights over. And if something wasn’t happening, they’d find something to pick on until something happened. I think we all thrived on conflict. There were four kids in all, so my mom was constantly busy either shuttling my older sister and I to jobs or activities, or mothering my two much younger siblings. My father traveled frequently for work. There wasn’t much time for peace, so peace didn’t exist. Everyone was busy. Everyone was afraid to slow down.

At the close of my freshman year of high school, I realized I wouldn’t have school as a buffer for a few months over summer break. I’d be losing not only my friends who were seniors, but also my oldest sister to college, and soon. When I tried to express my grief to my parents about it, my mother insisted on taking me to a nutritionist, certain that if I changed the way I ate, I’d be more level, rational, less emotionally “volatile.”

So for a year I ate nothing but beans, vegetables, and meat. My moods still swung. Diets can only do so much, but I went along with it at the time, desperately hopeful that something could help me. I felt that something was wrong with me, that I was somehow going crazy, that I was “different” from my peers and had to find the switch to flip that would make everything better. I started to have frequent panic attacks. I started to have thoughts that transfigured into vivid daydreams and then brief hallucinations that scared the shit out of me. I saw tragedies strike too close to home far too frequently, to the point where I believed that if I wasn’t next, I was at least in line. That attitude continued until I finished college. It probably still continues a bit, but I’ve found myself being able to imagine my future self in more realistic terms. Does that sound normal? I hope so.

In an effort to cope with my teen “angst,” “moodiness,” “dramatics,” and other such terms I’ve now been able to classify as simply depression, my parents found ways to control and punish. I loved to read so they took away my books. I loved music so they took away my CDs. They’d often forbid me to see friends, participate in activities (even at church), and a few times, they confiscated my journals, diaries, notebooks I’d write stories in, having “family meetings” to discuss what they found. They sent me to church camps over the summer because they “couldn’t handle me and needed a week off.” They had friends at the high school I attended (support staff) and threatened to have them watch me and report back to them. While I’m not against certain parenting strategies and monitoring a child’s behavior, what my parents did made me feel beyond paranoid.

So I found things I could control.

I developed an eating disorder (my views on food and what it could or couldn’t do were already skewed).

I learned how to hurt myself in ways that wouldn’t leave scars (it didn’t work every time. I still have some). One day at school my best friend revealed to me that she’d started self-harming recently, trying to escape the stress of her home life. I stared at her in shock, grabbed her hand, and said “me, too.” Our bond strengthened.

I learned how to lie.

I developed friendships with a lot of people my parents would never “approve” of in a million years. They assumed it was to grind their gears. It was more because I desperately needed a change, any change, anything that would remind me that what I had wasn’t all there was.

My parents didn’t know about the cutting, or that I was starving myself, that my friends knew more about me than they did, that I was hiding things from them that were pivotal, that I didn’t believe they could or would ever help me with.

One afternoon in late 2013, a week after my second conversation with the campus counselor, I called my mother to tell her I wanted to go on medication. My parents frequently said that I was always in the midst of a “spiritual battle.” I was terrified they’d use my new desire to medicate as more ammunition against me. I don’t remember the specifics of the conversation. I do remember that I shook almost uncontrollably through the whole thing. I could barely hold the phone against my ear; my hand went numb from fear. But by the end of the conversation, my mother had promised a visit to the family physician when I went home for Christmas break, on the condition that I visit a nutritionist of her choice, too.

I told my mom I loved her and ended the call. My boyfriend squeezed my hand, and I cried.

It was still tentative. But it was the biggest concrete step towards healing I’d ever made.

Next:

I picked the worst year to stop taking my meds (part three): the first day

[kaatfankktaylor]

Is going back to church worth it?

When I was in my early teens, my family started going to a church that have pretty high standards and principles based around Christ’s teaching. They taught me I was a daughter of God. I liked it and it’s probably what my family needed at the time. We had a pretty shitty childhood and endured lots of abuse.

Anyway this religion was really embraced by mum especially, and it gave us a purpose to aim for - a happy family. My mum remarried and we went from a four kids one parent family, to an eight kids and two parent family. Except after only being in the church a few years mum died and the family fell apart. The woman my stepfather married was part of the problem for this shift in family dynamics. My step father turned out to be as complicated and hypocritical as the rest of my family. He even tried to kiss me on my lips like lovers do. You don't do or say things like, "I wish I can love you like I did your mum," and expect respect, honor and unconditional love. Can you?

My church life had highs and lows. I tried to live all the principles perfectly. I did all the expected things. Married a ‘nice worthy’ man, went to church weekly, kept all the principles the church taught. You would expect me to have a happy and healthy marriage right. Wrong my marriage was the total opposite. Everything I had been taught and believed in seemed to be untrue and not applicable in my marriage. Others deserved a happy marriage, but I didn’t.

The happy family that was promised never happened. No matter how 'perfect’ I tried to be, unhappiness invaded my peace of mind. My (ex) husband didn’t love me. He said he did, but his words and actions proved otherwise. He didn’t live the principles fully, he was one way at church and another way at home.

For ten years, I stayed in this unhappy marriage because I was afraid of what the other members would say. I lived in fear most of my life, anxious about getting other people’s approval and love. For me, the only type of love I knew, came with '"If you love me you're do what I say. . . " Unconditional love, bull shit! My experience shows that this type of love doesn't exist. Love is always conditional. p>Finally I plucked up the courage and left my marriage. It wasn’t easy, I had to leave my beautiful daughter with the man that emotionally, verbally and physically (he hit me once, when we first married) abused me. The man who portrayed himself as a strong worthy church going man, but behind closed doors was the complete opposite. He manipulated people into believing that it was all in my head, and that he didn’t do or say the things I said he did. Sometimes even I believed it was all in my head. It felt real, so it must have been real. Mustn't it?

Once I had left the marriage I moved back to my hometown. I met some people who influenced me in a negative way, hell my whole life has been influenced negatively, even by the so called church members that I knew. My family for one. My husband, my step father, and the list goes on.

The influence of my 'new friends’ led me away from the principles that were important to me. It was easy really because my whole life has been a combination of religion and abuse. Side by side. Good and evil. Black and white. No grey. My poor mental state couldn’t take the double standards anymore so I did the easy thing. I gave up trying to be perfect. I stopped going to church and started to live in a 'wicked state.’ I was punished for this decision and lost my membership and privileges that 'worthy’ members were rewarded. On the other hand my ex-husband still has these privileges despite all he did to me. I was not validated, my suffering was not validated so giving up was the easy and best option for me.

Validation is very important to me. I need to be validated to make the abuse seem real, and not just imagined in my head. I just wanted church leaders to believe me, and tell me, 'it's okay, 'we understand', 'sorry it happened to you.' I guess I wanted them to fix it. I wanted them to punish my ex-husband. They never did. Instead they wiped my records like I was never a member of their church.

I’ve moved around a bit since then, and always sought the church out. I started going to make friends, to try and bring some goodness back into in my life, meet people who truly lived Christ’s principles. I believe the principles are beautiful and when lived properly will bring happiness. Guilt, Depression, anxiety, unworthiness always appear and forces me to stop going. It gets too hard. Overwhelming. Going to church reminds me of the family I left. It reminds me of the failure of my marriage and parenthood. It reminds me that I walked away from the blessings promised to the faithful and worthy. It reminds me that I’m unworthy, which brings me to the question: Is going back to church worth it?

What is really depressing is that I try to attend other churches, with different beliefs, and I still feel the same. My relationship with God has turned into one that doesn’t include going to a specific church. I consider myself spiritual, yet there are days when even that becomes a challenge. Inspiring quotes, and nature help me to ground myself in a belief and gratitude for all I receive. On a bad day even they desert me. Once again I ask, "is going to church worth it?"