#i still haven't had the courage to re read

[quarter-lif3crisis]

Art Heist, Baby! | @otrtbs

Art : theinvisiblemuseum

[rahuratna]

Nanami Kento: Relationship Headcanons (now a fic), Part 5

Contents: pre-relationship headcanons, slow burn, pining, humour

By the time you both leave the cafe, the streetlights have come on and the wind births small eddies, their burden of leaves swirling in dusty corners. You haven't nearly exhausted all the things you want to say to him, but something about this quiet walk home sparks something reverential in you. So, you'll let the evening spin a web of secrets around you, for now. It feels better to keep it that way.

Nanami stays close to you, his eyes trained on the pavement. His manner, so hard for you to read just a few months ago, is now familiar enough that you can see he is experiencing some internal struggle. You close your eyes momentarily, as you know full well what he must be considering.

Taking a small breath, you point out the car that he had called earlier. It is parked at the kerb, sleek, gleaming and slightly threatening in the dim light. You don't want to slip into the cool interior just yet, away from the inexplicable lightness being close to him brings. He stops abruptly, some distance still between the both of you and the car.

"Are you cold?"

"No. Not now."

You don't mean for the words to sound quite like they do. Nanami is silent before checking his watch and clearing his throat.

"I suppose our evening together ends here."

"We're still traveling in the same car."

He catches your teasing smile and raises an eyebrow.

"I suppose you're right. However, there's something I'd like to ask before we go."

"And that is?"

"Whether you'd like to visit another cafe with me next week."

The words come out of his mouth with uncharacteristic stiffness, slightly rushed. He eyes you as if from behind a shield composed of finest steel, a hint of longing hidden well beneath.

"I would certainly like that."

His shoulders drop slightly.

"You would?"

"You sound surprised."

"It's only polite to ask, of course."

"So you knew what my answer would be, for sure? Is that what you're saying?"

"Well, no -"

He clamps his lips together tightly and you laugh softly, taking a step towards him beneath the unsteady light of the old streetlamp. Something about how the tables seem to have turned in the past few minutes emboldens you.

"What about the time after that?"

"You've already decided then?"

"Should I not?"

"Well, what if it turns out that you don't actually like my company."

"I don't think there's any danger of that."

"What if I - " he paused and considers the car ahead of you, the corners of his eyes tight. "What if ... work gets in the way?"

You suddenly feel as if you're both standing on the deck of a flimsy raft in a turbulent sea. All the softness, the sweetness, the hushed longing of that afternoon, seems awfully fragile under the impending wave of his own pragmatism. Feeling the wind pick up around you, catching at your hair, you are fully aware of how tenderly you are looking at him. If you don't speak now, you would regret it later.

"You know, today I thought a lot about how simple our meal was. Just a few things, put together. I ... think I like simplicity. No, I always have. Good food can give you temporary comfort. You know what I mean. When you're exhausted and drained and want to forget everything else, there's something warm and inviting, that's waiting just for you."

He is silent, but in a way that lets you know he is taking in every word you say.

"And often, I don't know what tomorrow may hold. I think ... that sorcerers like you must feel that even more keenly. But even if I don't know, I still have some consistency in my day. I know that I have something small to look forward to, something that fills me and gives me strength."

You meet his gaze, pushing the words out before your burst of courage deserts you entirely.

"So, what I mean to say is, don't think too much about what may happen at work tomorrow, or the day after. If we have to re-schedule, that will be fine. Because ... I do enjoy your company and I hope you enjoy mine. And it's that simple for me."

Your words have almost failed you this time, but you stand there, holding your ground, willing him to understand what you're trying to convey. He looks back at you, and this time, the raw emotion, the hesitancy, the desire to do the right thing, is so evident in his eyes.

You think of the name he mentioned, the friend he had spoken of in the past tense. You knew, on some level, that this was something only Nanami could decide, no matter how badly you wanted more.

When you smile at him, there is no pain there. There is, instead, a soft blossoming in your chest that whispers your answer to you; that you can only ever want this man to be as comfortable and as happy as he could be. Nanami watches your lips, and then your eyes and he is drinking you in, as if he has seen something he can barely comprehend.

"Nanami, it's getting cold out here. Let's head in. You can message me if you want to go somewhere else soon."

You pat his sleeve lightly, the spell that has woven itself around the two of you evaporating, leaving traces of something solid and steadfast. As you turn to head to the car, his voice arrests you.

"Kento."

"Pardon?"

"Please refer to me as Kento from now on."

"Oh."

In spite of everything that's passed between you two today, it's this, of all things, that brings your mind to a shuddering halt.

"Well ... then it's only fitting that you call me ... "

When he says your name, cutting you off before you finish, you stare at him. Now your heart feels as if it has ceased to function entirely. Nanami, no, Kento, steps forward and past you, drawing you along in his wake. His voice holds something new, a different quality of warmth.

"Thank you for today. I'll find a good place for us to visit next time."

When he leans forward to open the door for you, his breath mingles with yours, and you think that you can almost taste the soft exhalation.

You feel unaccountably restless over the next few days. When you're at home, your hands are always occupied with something, whether cooking, cleaning or simply fidgeting with the corner of the blankets as you fail to fall asleep. Your mind is racing a mile a minute and shows no sign of slowing down. You wish your own thoughts would allow you a moment of rest.

Now, you know. You can finally shove open that mental door, even though the splinters catch in your skin and leave you raw and delirious.

He does feel ... something. He may even feel the same way, the same intense passion and longing. How can you even process this development? In all the years of your adult life, you have never experienced something like this. This is so much more than the obsessive quality of first love, so much more than a workplace crush, which you have certainly experienced before.

Why? Why did humans have to feel so intensely, to the point that it hurt, as if a javelin molded from purest, scorching sunlight had pierced your chest; an injury that had left you bleeding a viscous, golden ichor that you wanted to collect in your palms and pour over your joined bodies?

Ironically, what gives you a sense of stillness and serenity is the image of him you have committed to memory in that shining time. The smooth planes of his suit, the way the burnished collar pins caught and reflected the light against the clearcut lines of his jaw and neck. The small traces of shadow under each eye. The way he paid attention to how he occupied space, the natural strength and grace with which he moved. You can recall clearly the way his honeyed gaze caught and held yours, as if there was no shame in such an intimate glance, his darker lashes painting soft shadows against his cheeks in the afternoon sun. The hint of faint freckles on the backs of his hands.

It's when you allow yourself to move on from that image, when you remember that you'll have many more such images of him to refer to in your mind's eye (possibly), that the vicious cycle of restlessness returns.

The weekend arrives and you have plans. Plans to stay in and indulge in ordering takeout and catching up on your reading. The weather forecast promises rain and cold weather, something you don't particularly mind.

The last few days have been stressful. A large-scale exorcism of cursed spirits in an underground shopping centre had taken place and several younger sorcerers had sustained injuries. Fortunately, there had been no fatalities. You had been in charge of organizing the paperwork for their medical treatment.

As you return from a short run to the grocery store, rivulets of water pouring from the creases of your umbrella and raincoat onto the entryway floor, you notice a message notification silently awaiting your attention. The way your stomach clenches with pleasant anticipation tells you just how spoiled you have become. Expecting a message from the man who occupies your thoughts endlessly is certainly something that wouldn't have crossed your mind before. He has sent a simple question.

"Are you busy?"

Wait, what? Surely, he wouldn't want to meet in this kind of weather?

Shaking your head to clear it, you answer.

"Yes. Just got back home from the store."

His reply comes shortly after.

"Is it all right if I give you a call in a short while?"

"Sure."

Well, this was a new development. You hurriedly put the groceries away, wondering what he wanted to speak about. Within fifteen minutes, your phone rings. Towelling off your damp hair, you perch on the sofa in front of your space heater.

"Kento?"

There is silence on the other end.

"Hello? Can you hear me?"

"Ah, I can hear you just fine."

His voice pours into your ear like soft, mellow hickory smoke. You hadn't realised how much you'd desired to hear it again, until now.

"How are you doing? Were you deployed on that mission a few days ago?"

"Yes, I oversaw a few exorcisms. I heard there were several injuries in the other locations."

"Nothing serious, thankfully. Was Yuuji with you?"

"No. He was out with Gojo on a different task." He pauses. "I didn't call you to talk about work."

You can't control the smile that pulls at the corners of your mouth.

"Oh?"

"No. I wanted to know how your weekend is going."

"Very slowly. Just the way I like it."

"Just wait until Sunday."

You laugh at his foreboding tone. 

"Speaking from experience?"

"Yes. There's a strange warping effect on Sunday evenings. Like some kind of hiccup in the space-time continuum that makes those last few hours of freedom vanish into thin air."

"Haven't you found a remedy for that yet?"

"Have you?"

"Yes, actually. I have a Sunday evening self-care routine that drags the time out forever."

"I'm not too familiar with self-care."

"I can tell."

"Do you admire my resilience?"

"Not really."

"How harsh."

"Listen, if you've never felt the scrape of a good exfoliator or inhaled the scent of jasmine tea while massaging essential oils into your skin, you haven't really lived, Kento."

"I don't particularly trust essential oils."

"Oh no. Have they offended you?"

"Terribly. I once fought a cursed user who smelt as if he'd bathed in peppermint oil."

"Ugh. Hardly blame you then. How about you come up with something that involves no herbal remedies?"

The silence on the other end is longer this time, and when he speaks, the softness in his tone sends a spear of heat straight down through the core of you.

"I think I've found a good distraction."

Somehow, you're able to reply.

"I thought I said you should find something that involves no herbal remedies."

"Are you going to force feed me peppermint oil?"

"Possibly."

He waits for a while before answering, and when he does, his tone carries more weight.

"There's something you said, the day we had supper together. I wanted to tell you my thoughts on that."

You're silent, nervous. Had you spoken too brazenly that day?

"You said that you liked simplicity. That temporary comforts could bring happiness and make us feel better."

"I did."

"Hmm. My thoughts on that are ... conflicted. On the one hand, I agree. Small comforts are important in our lives. I like simplicity too. But what are small comforts without meaning behind them? I want to give all of my actions meaning, so that there can be no mistaking their purpose."

"What is your purpose, Kento?"

He doesn't hesitate this time.

"I want to spend more time with you. More than the occasional lunch. I want to know more about you, and I want you to know me. In a way that's more than a temporary comfort. It's not about what's proper. It's about what's right. I think you know by now that I don't take half-measures when it comes to things that are ... meaningful to me."

The straightforward quality of his words is like a nail pinning down the elusive nature of that dance you both have been conducting up until now. You almost lose the ability to speak, one hand clutching the arm of the sofa hard. There is an uncontrollable feeling, like hysteria, but not quite, rising in your chest. You hope that your voice isn't as hoarse with emotion as it sounds to you.

"I want to know you too, Kento. That would mean a great deal to me."

His relief is palpable.

"Then that's what we'll do from now on."

There is another pause, but this one is different. It's full of promise, a breath taken before diving deeper than either of you have before. Surprisingly, you find that you're the first one to break it.

"Want to start by telling me something about yourself? Something that I definitely don't know?"

"Hmm. I actually like the ridiculous hat that Yuuji bought me at the fair. The one we visited the other week."

"I asked you to tell me something that I don't know."

"You could tell that I liked it?"

"Kento, you showed it off to Gojo. And you enjoyed telling him that it was a limited edition just to see how disappointed you could make him."

"You're describing some kind of sadist."

"Yes. I'm describing you."

"Ah, very well. Here's something you're definitely not aware of."

"Well?"

"I like the way you say my name."

This absolute devil. For such a proper man, he certainly knew how leave you tongue-tied and flustered.

"Do you think if I say it often enough, the effect might wear off?"

He chuckles, a warm, rich sound.

"I suppose we'll have to test that theory."

@tsukimefuku @kentocalls @g-kleran @actuallysaiyan

[latenuitrambles]

Flufftober day 11

Kaveh X Reader

Imagine an accidental meetup with Kaveh In the tavern while he’s drunk

A/N: Not proofread, God I haven't written in so long law school is hard but I do wanna write something for all my fav charas for October. Only fluff No Tw maybe like mention of booze?? but not really.

Kaveh who is once again shit drunk in the tavern. Something about a client and their unreasonable demands and lack of creative freedom he had for this job.

Kaveh who tried to order another drink, slurring barely even able to get the words out “One more Boss!”, his manuscripts and sketches strewn about all over the table, truly what a pathetic sight he must be right now!

Kaveh who is then told he can’t have any more his tab is already too high for tonight, but he doesn’t have any money left that damn Alhaitham took it all saying it was rent for this month. He hates that bastard always egging him on!!

Kaveh who suddenly hears someone say from behind him as he’s in his squabble with the tavern owner, “I’ll cover his tab for tonight.” He turns around expecting it to be Alhaitham or one of his other friends. “I’m really not in the mood for a lecture right now just cut me some slack, ok? I’ve had a tough day Just let me drink some more!”

Kaveh who then sees you instead standing there with a little smile on his face. He feels embarrassed, his face getting red “Uh I thought you we-re someone …else, I’m soh so-rry for lash-ing …out.” Oh god he’s still slurring his words how embarrassing. How could he let a you pay his tab god did he look so pathetic right now that even strangers were taking pity on him??

Kaveh who sees you had some money to the owner. Then turning around maybe because you read the expression he has on his face you say to him, (your voice sounds so sweet and nice?) “Hey, don’t worry about it ok? But if you want you can take me out for coffee someday in return?”

Kaveh who is dumbstruck he’s never had a girl hit on him like this before?? He is probably blushing even more now, and he can see a small smile forming on your face too, waiting for his reply.

Kaveh who then gets walked back (well walking was probably an overstatement he was tripping) to his house with your help, you both talking along the way, giggling. You told him how much you admired his designs, and it struck him how genuine and amazing you seemed. As you both reached his (fine Alhaitham’s) house, he thanks you for dropping him and honestly everything tonight. You both smile and say goodbyes and, and you turn starting to leave.

Kaveh who mustering up some courage, calls out to you, “Coffee sounds good, Tuesday 5pm it’s a date?”. You turn around your face a mixture of bewildered and flushed, holding back a giggle, “It’s a date then.”

Archons he was still slurring when he said that wasn’t he.

(As always criticism is appreciated (and I'm begging for it) I'm not the best at dialogues so I try to keep it short as possible, but any suggestions would be nice!!) Here's the prompt list I followed its from last year in case you wanna you it. Credit for it goes to the original maker.

[justpoliteconversations]

Hello Everyone,

Personal rant. Be warned.

It's been a long time, but I'm finally starting to recover. I hope everyone's been well and life has been kind to our little community. I've missed you guys and thought of you all often, even if I wasn't in the headspace to come back yet.

I'd also like to thank all of my little Shadows, commenters and communication partners for your consideration and well wishes while I was away. I wasn't sure what I expected when I peeked back into my account this morning, but your messages were a comforting welcome.

Honestly, they gave me the courage to creep back in even though I feel clumsy and anxious after so long of an absence. So, thank you guys for giving me the strength to post this message.

As of right now, I am reacquainting myself with the LU/Zelda fandom and their associated media. Last night, I found the energy to play my BOTW for the first time in nearly 6 months and enjoyed it, even though it was a brief playing period.

I haven't read the new Linked Universe updates yet, but I'm staring them down intently at the moment. The one good thing about an extended absence, is the multiple updates you come back to.

As of now, these are still on the agenda:

-Apple Merchant Series

-The long overdue Twilight fic.

-The Yandere Series

-The Breakdown Series (This one is still alive, just hibernating.)

(*If I've missed anything, please let me know. It's been a while and my memories are spotty at the moment.)

For those of you still here after all this time, thank you all for staying with me despite my lengthy absence. I'll be working towards properly settling myself back into the community and (re)familiarizing myself with my works in the coming days (weeks, if needed). I'm grateful to you all for your patience and understanding, and hope you've all had new and interesting content to keep you inspired and thriving all these months.

-Polite

[hannahxhoney]

we don't talk anymore - e. munson

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eddie munson x female!reader

summary: after years of not talking, you see eddie at a party and things get heated. i suck at writing these lol

warnings: kinda angsty, a little bit of asshole!eddie, cursing, use of y/n, and arguements

fic is kind of inspired by the song “we don’t talk anymore” by selena gomez and charlie puth

also this was written on mobile so sorry if the formatting is off! thank you for reading!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Eddie have always been friends. Ever since you were kids, you and him were inseparable. Long days at the trailer park during the summer, being outside and playing make believe with him. Cold nights in the winter where you would make hot cocoa and watch Christmas movies on your family's beat up couch together. Everyday you spent with him, was always your favorite. Him being about two years older than you meant that all the other kids at school your age would leave you alone, since you were always hanging out with the older kids like Eddie. But you wouldn't have it any other way. Eddie was fun, kind, and so brave that sometimes you felt that his courage would get him in trouble one day. He was your best friend and you were his. There wasn't a day that went by when you wouldn't see Eddie and his goofy smile.

Until now.

It was the summer before you started high school and Eddie was already going to be a Junior. You were excited to go into such an intimidating place already knowing someone. You knew Eddie would help you with whatever you needed, and would even let you sit with him and his friends during lunch. But as the summer went by in a blur, so did that excitement. You didn't see much of Eddie during that summer. He always said he was busy hanging out with his friends or planning his next campaign. You understood, but you still felt disappointed that you didn't get to hang out much during those two months. Before you knew it, it was already August and school was starting in three days. You were still excited that you wouldn't be completely alone going into it, but it all felt weird because you haven't really talked to nor seen Eddie in two weeks. He was never at his trailer when you went to see if he was free and he was ignoring your calls. On the off chance that you did see him, he was still regular Eddie. He was kind and always cracking jokes with you, but your conversations with him were always a quick "hi" and "bye" before he left. Because he always had something to do these days, other than hanging out with you. You started to think that maybe you did something wrong, or said something to upset him.

It was the Friday night before school started, and you were re-reading The Lord of the Rings for the third time, until you heard your mom calling and saying there was someone on the phone for you.

When you got to the phone you were a bit confused, because who would be wanting to talk to you this late at night? Until you heard his voice.

"Hey y/n."

You were surprised to hear from him right now, but happy that he called.

"Hey Eds! How are you?"

There was a beat of silence before he replied.

"I'm fine, but I wanted to talk to you about something."

You were confused what he wanted to say, since you haven't done much talking to him recently.

"Ok, what did you want to talk about Eddie?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I think it's best if we don't hang out anymore."

"Wait what-"

"I don't want to be friends with you anymore, y/n."

It felt like you got hit by a two ton semi truck in the heart when he said those words.

"What do you mean? What's wrong Eddie?"

"I mean that I don't want to be associated with some stupid freshman that follows me around like a lost puppy all the damn time. It's annoying y/n. You always want to hang out with me, but I thought you would get a clue by now since I've been ignoring you. We aren't kids anymore y/n. Yeah we were best friends at one point, but I don't want to be friends with you anymore."

"Eddie, I don't understand. What happened? Did I do something wrong? I-I don't know why you're changing all of a sudden?"

"Look y/n, please just leave me alone and stop trying to call me. I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"Eddie please I-"

"Goodbye y/n".

He hung up. He broke your heart and just hung up the phone, like it was nothing. I guess it was nothing, to him at least. You spent the weekend crying and trying to prepare yourself to see him on Monday morning. You always loved seeing him, but now every time you see his face you're reminded of the time you lost your bestfriend.

It was now your senior year, and Eddie's second. Freshman year felt like hell for you. Having to see his face everyday felt like pure torture, but by winter break you were starting to feel better about it each day. And as you entered your sophomore year, you had made some friends and joined the photography club at Hawkins Highschool. But now, sometimes it feels like you never knew him. He got taller, grew out his hair, and started growing into his rock star look. If you were any other girl, you would have a huge crush on him. But you're not, you know who he actually is. And sometimes you feel stupid that you ever fell for his act and actually liked him. But you grew up too. Puberty hit you hard the summer after freshman year, and you grew into yourself. You developed your own style, learned how to do your hair and the occasional makeup, and developed a wall of confidence that no one can break through. Not even him. You ended up becoming really good friends with Jonathan Byers through your shared love of photography. And when he started dating Nancy Wheeler, you guys got closer too. You would hang out them during and after school, and sometimes even Steve Harrington would join you guys. Since Nancy's little brother is in Hellfire club, you occasionally cross paths with Eddie. He always seems to ignore you, but every once in a while you catch him staring at you. You don’t understand why though, it was his decision to cut things off. Every now and then when it’s late you think of showing up at his door, to really ask him after all this time if he still feels good about that decision but you know that would be wrong. Of course he feels good about it, especially when he has his hands all over a girl at a random party.

Just like right now.

One of the popular jocks at the school - probably Jason Carver - is hosting the usual friday night party tonight and you, Jonathan, Nancy, and Steve all decided to go. Steve already found his girl to take home tonight, a pretty blonde girl who is putting it on pretty heavily by laughing at the jokes Steve is telling that you know aren’t funny. Nancy and Jonathan are outside talking about who knows what, but they always seem to be having fun with each other know matter what they’re doing. That’s why you’re alone in the corner of the room sipping on a mixed drink that is slowly making you feel that warm feeling through your veins. That is also why you catch Eddie’s eyes as he dances with some girl. She’s pretty, skinny, and her hair is dyed a dark blue color. A girl you would typically think Eddie would be attracted too. So why is he still staring at you, when his hands are on her? You don’t care enough to find out, so you walk away looking for something much better to do. To your surprise, you actually end up finding it. So now you’re the one dancing with a random guy. He’s cute, at least cute enough to distract you from whatever was happening between you and Eddie. Plus with the alcohol fairly well into your system by now, you’re even thinking of asking him if he wants to go upstairs. As you’re about to ask said question, you’re suddenly pulled away by the arm by a strong hand.

“What the fuck-“

It wasn’t till you got a look at the long curls of the person dragging you out of the house then you really lost it.

“Munson what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Once you were outside, you pulled your arm away and faced the person that all your anger is directed at right now.

“What am I doing? What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Dancing? You’re mad at me for dancing at a party!?”

“No! I’m mad that you’re throwing yourself at some guy that asked me if I knew anyone that had coke at the party!”

Well you didn’t know that. But that doesn’t excuse what he’s doing right now.

“That isn’t any of your damn business anymore, Eddie! Or did you forget the fact that you haven’t spoken to me for years?”

He got quiet after that. You finally looked at him. Really looked at his face and how much he’s changed over the years. You never allowed yourself to really do this before, afraid that it would open up the wounds that took you so long to heal. Suddenly you were a kid again. Waiting on him to say something. You didn’t know how to describe the way he made you feel at the time. But now you do. He was like a drug. After every time you saw him, you wanted more. But then you overdosed.

“Y/n I-

“I don’t want to hear it, Eddie. You were the one who cut things off. You were the one who left me hanging. You don’t get to care about me or stop me from dancing or doing anything with anyone.”

“I just wanted to stop you from doing something you’ll regret. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I don’t understand why you even care, Eddie. We’re not friends, and we haven’t been for years. It’s your fault. You’re the reason why we don’t talk anymore.”

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authors note: i know the ending is kind of bad but I just wanted to write something. If you read it all, thank you so much!!! I appreciate you all <3

[slashingdisneypasta]

Ok ok... I haven't read the OG book (I ordered that though and it's arriving on Wednesday!), but... Hear me out.

Apparently, according to Google, originally Aunt Em and Unkle Henry are actually Dorothy's adopted parents. Her biological mother left her on their doorstep. In Oz, the Scarecrow, Tinman, and Lion all vowed to look after each other and Dorothy on their way to Oz.

What if Dorothy, as a baby/young child, got taken to Oz and somehow found herself in the care of the trio? Maybe one of them found her and basically adopted her (Scare was nailed to his post, and Lion was a coward that ran from everything. So my best guess would be Tinny). Or all three of them if they had found each other first? Imagine them all trying to figure out what to do with this child! Imagine the lengths they go to protect her and take care of her! Imagine Dorothy growing up and hearing them all say they don't have brains, heart or courage, but she sees them as the smartest, loving and bravest people she knows! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Basically, a Three Men and a Baby/Little Lady AU, but with Dorothy and Friends. Idk about you, but I need this wholsomeness in my life XD ^^ (maybe Dorothy's wish in this AU would be to know where she really came from? 🤔)

*DEEP INHALE*

... now I have to re-watch 3 Men and a Baby. Thats okay, I love that movie XD

🥺🥺🥺 BUT IMAGINE LION FINDS HER FIRST!! He was scared by her at first, so he rushes behind some bushes or something... just to see another jungle creature approach the defenseless little bundle. And they look h u n g r y. And Lion is terrified of that creature even worse, but even more then that?? He's scared f o r the defenseless bundle!!

So. He decides, taking a deep whimpering breath. He has to save it.

And after that he ends up keeping the little one, because oh its kind of cute?? So sweet??? He's still a little scared of it every time it cries or screams (or sneaks up on him, if Dorothy's already crawling), but its so... weak. Cant even roar. And its all alone, like him... He Has to care for it.

But he cant do it here. Its too dangerous in the jungle. They have to go somewhere else.

And on the way to a 'safe place', they meet Tin and Scarecrow!!! The Lion tries to leave them both as soon as he sees them, but both times baby Dorothy slips from the Lion's grasp, or cries so sadly at the prospect of leaving them that once again- he h a s to step up and help the strange men.

Okay, some extra HC's that came to mind with this:

Scarecrow showing his brains by being the one to find food for baby Dottie after Tin Woodman tells Lion she cant eat raw meat- thats not how baby humans work. Scare did the same thing for little teenage Dorothy in the book! He found her food multiple times (Nuts, fruit) and I just love that about their relationship. He also covers her in dry leaves to keep her warm while she sleeps.

Tin Woodman showing his heart when he's the one to hold Baby Dottie and stick with her and sympathise with her through all her tantrums and bouts of uncontrollable crying. As she grows up this doesn't change, and he's always the one she talks to when she needs it.

Just another book thing I love, but- Tin and Scare watching over Lion and baby Dottie every night while they slept, since they don't do that. Baby Dottie often sleeping in Scare's arms because he's squishy and warm like a blanket and Lion will get startled if she sleeps with him and suddenly moves.

Tin Woodman making Dottie clothes and blankets and stuff as she gets bigger. I just feel like out of all of them, Tin would have the most home-making skills. (IMAGINE HIM TEACHING LION HOW TO KNIT, THOUGH!! It would be such a nice calm activity for him <3)

Scare and Lion telling the best bedtime stories while Tin sits with little Dottie in his lap and gets just as into it as she does. Scare's get goofy and out-there, while Lion's detail brave acts of daring-do he imagines he might complete if he had the courage.

IMAGINE HOW THIS CHANGE EFFECTS THE DOROTHY MUST DIE VERSION OF THE STORY!! Those are no longer her friends- thats her Straw Dad and her Fur Dad and her Tin Dad. The love Tin has for Dorothy is no longer romantic (Unless it still is, in which case... I'm still intrigued by this even darker storyline honestly) but fatherly. Protective. Maybe he's sad that she's turned out this way, but he will never turn away from her?? He couldn't?? Thats his little girl and he will always be on her side.

[darkscaleswriter]

palinoia for the director's cut asks? 👀

(ask for a director’s cut on any of my fics!)

omg I haven't re-read Palinoia in years, when I opened my doc for it I got slapped in the face by times new roman bc this is from before i switched to writing in calibri instead lmfao. anyway time loop fic!! i had a lot of fun experimenting with style in this one, trying to capture the low-grade horror of being trapped in time and dying again and again and again. not sure i totally succeeded, but i liked writing it at least!! i'm especially proud of the bit that's a series of vignettes that descend into repeated "reset, reset, reset" lines, i think that part really conveyed what i wanted it to. it's still satisfying to read again after 6-ish years :D

(continued under the cut)

shadow link is so fun to write, he's a classic antagonist turned antihero type character and i love it. i also have a huge soft spot for him bc loz four swords was one of my first fandoms and is probably my oldest one at this point, so he's an og blorbo for me haha. (clenches fist) someday I will treat myself and get physical copies of the manga. someday…

at any rate, i'm re-reading palinoia and kind of laughing at myself about how the key to shadow breaking out of the timeloop was just. teamwork makes the dream work, lol. including using items from past Heroes bc i like the idea of items from previous games still hanging around odd corners of hyrule. i don't think i planned it that way but it's extremely in line with the themes i tend to write ^.^'

and zelda gets to join in! past me even left a helpful note on the doc explaining that zelda gets to be there bc instead of sending that dark cloud thing to take her like in the manga, ganon got distracted by vaati being vacuumed and wasn't able to stop the links from breaking her out. i am also now realizing that i never explained what happened to vaati beyond "vacuumed into a giant gust jar" and if i had plans for that, I didn't write them down. so… i guess he just lives there, now? maybe the links go back and smash the mirror after shadow's fully revived as his own being without being tied to it? maybe the jar was sealed away to become the next hero of courage's problem??

if I was going to rewrite this fic, i think it would be interesting to add a section where shadow gets desperate and tries to recruit vaati. maybe there would be 2 villain turned antihero characters surviving to the end…? or vaati is too power-hungry to go for it and betrays shadow at the last second, if he doesn't refuse and/or kill shadow outright for being a traitor. i think the last minute betrayal version would be a good loop to lead into a deleted scene where shadow straight up just hides in the dark mirror for a loop and refuses to engage, up until the links make it to the tower and are like "hey tf is this giant mirror and should we break it or something"

that deleted scene never got finished, i'm guessing bc it was leading up to shadow letting the links smash the mirror without ever revealing that he was inside (rip). based when where i was in life when i wrote this fic, i probably wasn't in a headspace to get quite that dark. i think there's a difference between considering your death an acceptable sacrifice in a fight to prevent a supervillain from taking over the kingdom and not caring about your death happening bc depression, y'know?

there's another deleted scene where shadow has a much more dramatic death that involves him fighting vaati in single combat himself, and ending the fight by chucking a bomb at the dark mirror to kill them both. i think that was vaguely what the final loop was supposed to be before the gust jar idea, and there was a whole bit with vio where vio is extra upset as shadow is dying in his arms bc shadow promised earlier not to kill vaati via the mirror. whoops, he lied! he went after vaati on purpose and planned that from the start! what a normal and mentally stable thing to do, shadow.

that ending was cut more because it ended up too close to canon, i'm pretty sure, and i wanted the final loop to be something more unique. shadow needed to do something different than his original ending to break out of the loop, so the full canon divergence had to happen.

shadow still died very briefly at the end of the final loop, when zelda had him throw a bomb full of triforce light at ganon, but at that point the goddesses were like "okay we'll call that having learned your lesson" and brought him back quickly enough that nobody realized he was gone. potentially including himself! i'm not sure that shadow ever consciously realized it was the goddesses farore, nayru, and din that put him in the time loop, but after it ended, he was just glad to be done with it and decided not to ask too many questions that could potentially make them change their minds haha.

re: the goddesses, i think the reason they took an interest in shadow to begin with (self-sacrificial death for the four sword heroes aside) is because shadow was created using the power of the triforce. he's one of theirs, sort of, at a sideways angle to how link and zelda and ganon are. close enough for them to meddle with, and idk maybe din was being extra salty at this incarnation of ganon for creating an entire sentient person and then treating him Like That. rip ganon for annoying his triforce piece's patron goddess, lol.

shadow was created from the dark mirror using the triforce of power as wielded by ganon, and my general headcanon is that shadow link literally did not exist until the events of the four swords manga when he is born from the dark mirror. he doesn't have link's memories, but he knows link's personality and remembers feelings/impressions/etc. and, since shadow was created with the triforce of power, he carries of sliver of it with him in a similar way to how each of the links carries pieces of the triforce of courage. part of the reason he's drawn to the links is because like calls to like. shadow was made in part from the triforce of power, but in the image of the bearer of the triforce of courage. the only part he's missing is wisdom, but at the end of his final loop, he does get caught in the blast of zelda's triforce power bomb, so… :3c

at the end of the fic, when shadow notes that he has the triforce on his hand, i left it deliberately vague about whether that was actually the full triforce or not. i don't remember if i had a clear answer in my head for this, but i suspect he shares pieces with the other links and zelda, bc i like the idea of them being all connected like that. regardless, what triforce piece(s) he has are what allowed him to sever his connection to the dark mirror and hang out in the sunlight without burning up like a vampire. he takes a lot of catnaps in sunbeams now that he doesn't have to worry about that haha.

anyway thank you so much for asking about Palinoia, it was really fun to go back and remember how much i enjoyed writing it. and i'm SUPER flattered that you read my fic to begin with!! i am so in love with your god of war time travel au, it lives rent-free in my head at any given moment.

thank you again!!! :D

[imminentinertia]

In which I keep a promise to a bunch of people who read a fic five years ago and try to explain why I'm doing that now

In 2018, @vesperthine and I collaborated on run down till the rain delights you and when some people asked for more, we promised a sequel. That didn't happen.

Until now.

Now it's snaking its way to AO3 like an aging Toyota on cold Tromsø roads (I'm really sorry for this silliness but one of the inspo photos we used did this to me).

There's a bit of a backstory:

First of all, you have @nofeartina to blame for run down in the first place and @peacestew to blame for me sliding into the SKAM fandom in 2023 going "hiiii I haven't been in this fandom for years but here's a fic".

In 2018, Tina wanted fisherman!Isak in a knit woolen jumper* and somehow roped V into writing it, and then V somehow roped me into a collab (I'm still entirely unsure how I ended up saying yes), we brainstormed and looked for inspo and wrote some scenes** to see how it went. Fisherman!Isak turned into marine!biologist!Isak with an old fishing boat and a cabin, Even pretended to be suave, the Tromsø area piped up about wanting to be more of a character than a location and there we were:

Gif by @peacestew

It was so much fun writing with V, and we got along so well, so we wrote a short sequel quite soon after. It just needed a few final tweaks.

Then life happened.

Long story short, I haven't heard from Vesperthine since summer 2019. I hope she's happy and well, and I hope she's writing original fiction because she's seriously gifted, and I miss her because she's a very sweet and smart and lovely person. I was left with a nearly finished draft and a hope she'd turn up again. Since then I've turned down requests to translate and podfic run down, and disappointed a few people asking about the promised sequel, because it didn't feel at all right to make those decisions without V's input.

But it's been five years (!!!), I doubt I'll ever hear from her again, that draft is sitting there on my drive, and... so earlier this year I started thinking about just going ahead and posting it. I went through all our notes and figured out what remained to be done (not much, we even had the title ready), and decided to do those tweaks at some point.

Then Peace slid into my notes a while ago (it had been a few years since we were in touch, I love it when old mates show up), we chatted quite a bit and somehow mentioned run down, and I'm entirely unsure how this snowball started rolling but now we're doing an art + fic collab with that sequel. She's been terribly enabling, and dangling pretty gifs in front of me, how could I resist? She even made a gorgeous title gif for run down. V would have been just as happy with this, I'm sure.

Considering that the sequel was just about finished, and V and I never had any actual disagreements while writing (one tiny scuffle about adjectives, we compromised), I think she'd be okay having her name put on the sequel. And I am okay with making that decision, since it's been so long. I've done the final editing, Peace has added her lovely gifs and now I'm just going to work up the courage to post it.

As stupid as I feel giving directions for fic reading I recommend you read (or re-read, bless everyone who has read it) run down till the rain delights you first, I'm not sure the sequel will make much sense otherwise.

the roll of the harbour wake is coming soon to a fic archive near you. Peace and I hope you will enjoy it.

Gif by @peacestew

*the fic was almost immediately nicknamed The sweater fetish fic. Drooling over the guys in knit woolen jumpers kept happening for ages.

**the first scene we wrote didn't actually make it to run down, but we put it in harbour wake, and it goes to show that sometimes a fic takes a very different direction from where you start it.

[senzasord]

Life update - haven't done one of these in a while, but I reached a save point, so a good time for it.

Read more break because it's longish:

- finally finished the assignment that was due in april. Far too late to submit, but I've emailed my course advisor (and will over the next week build up the courage to email my unit coordinator as well). I don't have to process this until next year when I re-take the unit, but if you don't count my capstone assessment for prac next year, then that was my last assignment for my masters of teaching. I'm frustrated with how long it took, but I really enjoyed completing it, and maybe I'll get to implement it one day (it was a proposal for a classroom intervention)

- mum and older sib finally found a rental, and also grandad's will has been done, so for the first time in my life I'm not worried about mum having money. Hopefully it lasts - it's not too much, but enough that i can breathe, and mum's getting better with money too, so it should last a bit. I actually really don't know what to do with myself.

- Cody has an infected paw. Vet wants to do exploratory surgery. I'm worried because of his age, but they wouldn't recommended it if they weren't sure he couldn't handle it. Now that mum can afford it, it's been scheduled after the move

- Singing lessons are going well - won't go into it too much because I've been doing that enough on the other blog. Almost done for the year though. I hope to rebuild my practice over the summer

- Had another big flare from around mid-July to end of August, and spent September recovering from it, but doing better now. It's been really frustrating because the whole point of moving my prac was to have this half of the year to work on my health (e.g. starting the CHOP protocol to manage my POTS better), but most of the time has been taken up by flaring and finishing that assignment (which was, of course, delayed because of the flare). I've been trying to make peace with it by reminding myself the flare would have happened anyway, and it's been informative to know I can finish anything given enough time and not forced to quit for the start of a new unit. Also, class doesn't go back until February, so I still do have a lot of time. I might have to move my prac again, but again, that decision is a long way off. My brain is just good at dilating and shrinking timeframes in an unhelpful way. Knock on wood for no more big flares for the rest of the year (and not catching covid third year in a row! Now that the flare is over and my assignment is finished, I can get my booster finally)

- Now that flare is over, slowly reconnecting with friends I haven't been able to stay in touch with. Slow going, but it's been good to see people and talk to people in real life who aren't my coworkers, my housemate, and my doctors. Also means I get to enjoy better the company of my friends of my weekly discord game. They'd never admit it, but I can be pretty annoying during a flare, so I'm glad we might get a reprieve from me for a while

I think there's other stuff, but those are the big ones. I've promised myself to do no teaching study for a few weeks. But I do have start all the admin and house things i"ve been putting off - I currently have 8 empty butter containers soaking for recycling that have been slowly collecting in the fridge since february. I hope I don't make a fool of myself by being optimistic - I could have another flare tomorrow. And I'm still exhausted all the time, but at the moment it's less so, so for the time being, I'll take the win.

Edit: my friend just finished their thesis!!!! WAHOOOOOO!!!!

[longeyelashedtragedy]

this is re. your post on writing for yourself, because it's really made me think hard for some reason (sorry if i misunderstood any of what you wrote, this is just how i interpreted it, and sorry for writing so much, it's really not my strong suit).

i can't say i fully understand how you feel, and what writing must mean for you as a person. however, i can say that i understand the feeling of wanting the method you understand/communicate to the world to fully represent the feeling you have inside, and how when that doesn't agree with everyone, it hurts.

more often than not, i spend ages making a piece of art, imagining my ideal reactions and i end up too afraid to post it. the idea that it might not get the reception i want it to get (highly likely as my art can be too niche for tumblr at times) feels like a rejection of me. i've had a mental block against posting my art for years, just out of the fear that people would find it distasteful, therefore finding me distasteful.

even as someone who struggles with conveying themselves fully through their medium, (something i genuinely admire you for, by the way. everything you write is so distinctly you, even if they're not written the same way, or about the same people. your voice is so clear when you write) it still feels like someone has seen a part of me, the clearest window into myself i can feasibly show, and decided i'm not worthy. it's flawed, it's illogical, and it absolutely sucks, but at times it's impossible to think otherwise.

answering your question for both you and myself here: it's not embarrassing to want to convey yourself to the fullest extent, even if that means others won't like it as much. at the end of the day, not everyone is you. they may not understand your writing the way you want it to be understood, or at all. but you will. and just because you make something, doesn't mean it is intertwined with you fully (unless you want it to be). what you are and what you make are two different things.

this feels a little too vulnerable to post off anon (another thing i admire you for: despite everything you've gone through, you're able to speak about yourself with such honesty and clarity, it's so amazing and a testament to your strength), but i guess you can guess who this is anyway. in a way, thank you for posting lmao. i haven't thought this hard in a while.

hi anon,

never apologize for writing a lot. i want to see what you have to say!

thank you for taking the time to send me this. it meant a lot to me to read, really. thank you for your compliments 😭 and it seems like i'm not totally alone in this. i guess there is a vulnerability in the act of creation, or at least making your creations public. once you publish/post, something that's purely yours becomes...everyone's to interpret. or everyone's to ignore!

anon, i'm sorry you feel that way. i'm sort of having a similar conversation in private about this--one of the things that makes me the saddest is when people are afraid to express themselves. you need to do what's right for you at the time, but i promise you, you are worthy of being seen and appreciated. almost everyone is unless they're some hateful troll piece of shit, lol. i hope someday you find the courage to share your work with us. it feels so good to break through something like that, but can take so long to do.

maybe this is a cliche, but i feel like people who are truly judgy have lives without much internal happiness and joy--their heads and hearts are so empty that they have all this room in there for judging art and writing. (and other things that are completely irrelevant to their own lives.) every day i'm grateful i'm not like that, and keeping that perspective helps me.

(one of my fears is that all of my writing sounds exactly the same, and that my writing voice is very distinctive but in a bad way, but maybe i shouldn't be afraid of that?)

thank you for giving me some things to think about as well! please, always feel free to come into my inbox, or my DMs if you're in the mood for that. i appreciate you!

(i also feel REALLY bad but i can't totally figure out who this is; i have a few people in mind, i think maybe we support the same prem club?)

[ineffablydelighted]

[Re-Angelized Crowley ruling Heaven alongside Supreme Archangel Aziraphale #3.1]

Hi, Angels! 👋

If you haven't read Part 1&2, here you go:

Now, time for Part 3.1 [this part was long so I divided it into two subparts]

That time Supreme Archangel Aziraphale suggested - or, more so, presented - a suggestion box.

Uriel: *blinks uncontrollably*

Saraqael: *annoyed but kinda ready to know more*

Michael: *most unsubtle eyeroll ever*

Metatron: *has heard that shit before* *so pissed rn* Aziraphale...

Crowley: *scandalized in you-owe-me-royalties* Hey! That was my idea, Angel!

Aziraphale: I know, Crowley! Look! *flips the loosely painted in gold cardboard box*

[Written on the box, in black: ARCHANGEL CROWLEY'S VERY OWN SUGGESTION BOX] [Plus a couple of hearts drawn around Crowley's name]

Crowley: Oh. *clears his throat* Nevermind.

Aziraphale: *smiles in I-knew-you-would-react-like-that*

Metatron: *looks at them Severus-ly* We are not suggesting things, Aziraphale, we just do them.

Aziraphale: Well, not exactly, we, hum... We already have meetings where we discuss things together, each giving their own id-

Metatron: *deadeye* Are you, really, defining the term "suggesting" to me?

Aziraphale: *already feels like he's no longer existing anymore*

Crowley: *barely mumbles* Looks like you needed it.

Metatron: *murderous look*

Aziraphale: There is... There is no need to fight, we...

Crowley: Angel, the simple fact we are discussing this is implying we need to use suggestions!

Uriel: *sigh* My head hurts already.

Metatron: *refuses to budge* Suggestion is very close to Temptation.

Crowley: COME ON, it depends on the context! Look, if I approach Aziraphale like that *walks like Rihanna towards his hubby* *approaches very very closely, taking his Angel's arm to not leave him a chance to recoil* Right? Like that, and say something like... *leans in* *suggestive voice* "Should we have dinner, Angel?"

Aziraphale: *is about to melt right to Hell's gates* I... huh...

Crowley: *his hand goes up near his shoulder in a flirtatious caress*

Saraqael: I'm ready to suggest we shouldn't witness that.

Crowley: *turns to Saraqael* SHHHH. *gritted teeth* I. am. teaching. *Turns back to Aziraphale*

Aziraphale: *Supreme_Archangel_Who_Has_Standards_Aziraphale.exe has stopped working*

Crowley: *tries to bring him back to Ear-Heaven* *soothing voice* Angel? Should we have dinner?

Aziraphale: Huh... I mean... huh... Yes?

Crowley: *mumbles* No, no, Angel. That was a suggestion! We are supposed to discuss it!

Aziraphale: *enamored Supreme Archangel* *out loud* But you made such a good case, Crowley, there is no need to discuss it! Of course, I will have dinner with you! 🥰  *Cutest Smile Ever*

Michael: *rolls their eyes in Someone-has-been-casting-couching*

Crowley: *wants to smile back* *also wants to tell his Angel how stupid he is sometimes*

Metatron: *annoyed beyond words* *also loves being right* Told you this was too close to Tempting.

Crowley: Okay, bad example, but still. Suggestions are important!

Metatron: Not at all. I or Aziraphale tells you what to do and you do it. Simple.

Crowley: Oh? Fine by me! *turns to Aziraphale* Supreme Archangel Aziraphale, what do you want us to do?

Aziraphale: *looks at Metatron for a second* *looks at Crowley for five* *has found the courage God-knows-where* *talks in boss bitch* I want you all to put any suggestion you may have in this suggestion box Muriel had the kindness to make for us. Thank you.

Metatron: *super pissed entity* *turns to Crowley* THIS IS NOT. HAPPENING! NOT ON MY WATCH!

Aziraphale: *freezes*

Crowley: You said, "I OR Aziraphale tells you what to do and you do it." Not "AND". Which means we only need one of you to approve of something. Right? Unless... unless you two need to discuss it, to make... suggestions to each other? *smiles like the aggravating brat he is*

Metatron: *ruminates his bad life choices* Why are you always so difficult? Aziraphale, I want you to throw that nonsense in the trash. Now.

Aziraphale: *does not know what to do* *looks at both of them* *stressed out in bureaucracy*

Saraqael: What if... we keep it for a decade and see what happens?

Michael: *shook* *feels betrayed*

Uriel: *she-just-said-what face*

Crowley & Aziraphale: *cannot believe their ears*

Metatron: *just wants to erase the names of everybody in this room*

Saraqael: *smirks* I bet nobody will ever write a thing anyway.

Michael: *snorts*

Uriel: Whatever.

Crowley: That's the spirit! Right, Aziraphale?

Aziraphale: Huh... Y-yes! That's a good start!

Crowley: Unless the old man has anything else to say?

Metatron: *will kill him even if it is the last thing he does* Careful, Crowley... the floor is slippery and you look like you could fall again...

Crowley: *removes his leathery boots* That... *reveals a pair of socks full of cute halos and books* is a risk... I'm always willing to take, wooohooooo! *proceeds to ice-skate like a pro because he is a showoff*

Aziraphale: *follows Crowley's every move scared he might break an ankle* SOOO... How about we all go to Earth to have dinner?

Michael: *has a heart attack* Say what now?!

Uriel: Ingest human matter? No way.

Saraqael: *eye-rolls in I'm-trying-really-hard-to-save-our-asses-and-you-are-not helping* This does not sound like the right moment to do another stupid thing, Aziraphale.

Aziraphale: Well, as Crowley said, I can tell you what you do and you are supposed to simply do it, so... *snaps his fingers to open the elevator doors from afar* *bends in a Magishun way* Everyone. If you please. Let's have a... business seminar on Earth.

Metatron: *too stunned to have a brain cell left to give a fuck anymore*

The group: *leaves in astonishment without him*

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

Tag someone you want to know AND/OR some of your besties.

I was tagged by @valentinaonthemoon, my sweetest mutual! Thank you!

Favourite colour: warm shades of yellow (think gold yellow or sunglow yellow).

Last song: Dreams by The Cranberries (thank you, Derry Girls!)

Last movie: Anastasia (1997). My brother mentioned he'd never seen it, and I simply had to show it to him. It's as magical as i remember. The last new movie (as in, not a rewatch) I watched was Asteroid City by Wes Anderson, which left such an impression on me I still rant about it regularly with the friend I saw it with. It was an incredible experience!

Currently watching: The Golden Girls! I'm having such a blast - it's hilarious, the girls have amazing chemistry and interactions, and its treatment of 'charged' themes (regarding eg sexuality, gender identity, poverty, race, having/not having children etc) holds up surprisingly well for a show that was made between 1985 and 1992. It's easy to see why it's so well-liked. I'm also watching season 2 of Loki, and enjoying it very much! I haven't really posted anything about it yet because I'm watching with family, and we're quite behind schedule. So no spoilers, please!

Other stuff I watched this year: Oh, dear. I don't remember all of them, but let's see... I rewatched Steven Universe, Steven Universe Future and Brooklyn Nine-Nine in the first few months of the year, but I don't remember watching anything new in particular (although I remember playing a lot of videogames - that's probably why). I caught up with the new season of the lovely Only Murders In The Building just in time to theorize about the last four episodes or so (and this season was so so so good, I think it's become my favourite!), and I watched S2 of Our Flag Means Death as it aired (I still haven't recovered from the ending of Ep. 3, good heavens). A dear friend recommended Derry Girls to me a couple of weeks back; I finished it just a few days ago and loved it to bits. It completely broke my heart and put it back together in such a gentle, caring way - instant favourite. And then, of course, although I haven't talked about it all that much, I've also watched Good Omens, season 2. And then rewatched Season 1. And then rewatched both in Italian, to check out the translation. And then rewatched them both in English, because I missed the original voices. I might have a bit of a problem.

Shows I dropped this year/didn’t finish: I don't recall anything specific this year, but the last season and a half of The Marvelous Mrs Maisel has been hanging above my head for a while. I reached a point in the story where the second-hand embarrassment was so intense I couldn't bear to keep watching, and it's been haunting me ever since. I'd love to get back into it, eventually, when I find the courage.

Currently reading: The Blackwater series, by Michael McDowell. I'm not usually a fan of horror, but the cover art captured my attention, and before I knew it the story had captivated me completely. I'm also re-reading and annotating A Girl's Story (which is a horrible translation of the original title, Mémoire de fille) by Annie Ernaux for my book club. It's a poignant, thought-provoking work, and a truly deserved Nobel prize winner.

Currently listening to: Mr. Hozier decided to drop his new album at precisely the right time to twist the knife into my Good Omens heartbreak, and so it was inevitable I'd end up listening to his stuff a whole lot. Jokes aside, Unreal Unearth is phenomenal and has made me cry a lot of tears so far. Then we have some sparse stuff (Glenn Miller, Queen, Kate Bush) and some rock - mostly Greta van Fleet (Starcatcher) and Voyager (Colours in the Sun and Fearless in Love). The most recent addition to the roster is the new album by Rebecca Sugar, Spiral Bound (Good Morning Afternoon has quickly become a new favourite of mine).

Currently working on: a couple of WIP fanfics, planning for Christmas gifts.

Current obsession: Listen. Listen. If you follow me, you know. You know what my current obsession is. Good Omens has filled my every waking thought since July 28th, 2023 and I have made it everyone's problem for months. (I'm not sorry about it, by the way. i did warn you all.) At this point, I'm guessing this new obsession will sustain me at least until season 3 drops.

This was really fun, thank you @valentinaonthemoon! I honestly can't choose someone to tag, so - if you got this far and would like to tell the world about your interests, please consider this your official invite. And tag me if you do it! Enjoy!

[xjoonchildx]

just a friendly reminder:

please don’t glorify mandatory military conscription and frame it as something positive and something the tannies ‘willingly chose’ as your way to cope with the fact that the tannies are leaving. ive seen some people say that being drafted is their time to get some ‘rest’ or ‘break’ from their idol life… no. no. you could not be more wrong. free will in any matter is taken away from sleep to eating to shower time, and on top of that the tannies are still celebs so now they have to look over their shoulders in those public showers and bedrooms because idols over the years have been getting the worst treatment in these barracks simply because they’re idols. google it, it’s all there.

Yoongi talked about the inhumanity of mandatory conscription. here’s what he said:

“Among the things every man in their 20s receives,

That extremely scary military draft note,

The things that once felt so far away become reality.

When I was young they told me ‘Korea will be unified by the time you grow up’

That’s what mom said and I completely believed her.

But the reality is that [I’m] an able-bodied first-rate soldier material

My friend who’s perfectly healthy is a fourth-rate so why am I

So uselessly healthy

Civil duties? It’s a juvenile death sentence

I envy and envy the nation’s lowest 10%

It takes away this precious time, so you evade and evade military service

The 20s, a time when whatever you do is grand

They try to set fire to flower-blossomed youth

The moment you graduate after the hellish exams

You enter another school named Society, then are forced to take time off

Applause of courage to the suffering males in their 20s

And a handshake of gratitude to the nation’s 60,000 officers and men of the armed forces”

all you can do is wish them well and that’s it. let’s… let’s not frame it as something the tannies WILLINGLY CHOSE. it wasn’t. they had no CHOICE but to serve. and let’s not treat it as something more favorable to their lives as idols. let’s not. please, let’s not.

anon, i'm going to keep it 💯 with you and say that i read and re-read this ask a few times trying to decipher the tone.

i think you make several good points. it's highly unlikely any of the members is particularly thrilled about leaving their lives behind at the height of their worldwide success to serve. i personally haven't seen anyone framing this as something they just up and wanted to do, but i do see this as the way of life in korea and something they have accepted (just as all other idols).

i guess my hesitance lies with the mandatory military conscription issue. i hate it that any country would feel the need to enact this kind of service, and i can't imagine what a disruption this is for people's lives -- but at the end of the day, i'd ask you not to condemn korea for how it chooses to defend itself and has for decades now.

the korean "conflict" is technically not over, 71 years later. and very few people on this site know what it's like to live under the real specter of war, within throwing distance of an actual madman -- with the exception of the people of ukraine (!). north korea has test launched dozens of missiles over the last few months and that has to be terrifying prospect for the people of south korea.

what i mean to say is that i understand how you feel about mandatory military conscriptions. all of us are going to have our personal feelings about this kind of very emotional issue. min yoongi has every right to feel the way he does and as a man who is personally impacted by these laws, he's entitled to speak on the policies in his country. but at the end of the day, i think it's really important that we as fans step back and recognize this is for the korean people to support and/or condemn, not us.

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

Re: aspec headcannons

I strongly believe that two of my favorite blorbos are aspec (specifically arospec):

The first is Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (minor spoiler warning for this paragraph). Most Zelda games' iterations of Link can easily be read as aspec-coded in some way, but Twilight Princess's emphasis on Link's relationships made his lack of romance really stand out and resonate with me as an aromantic. Over the course of the game, we see countless instances of him caring deeply about the people around him, friends and strangers alike. This is so prominent that it's honestly a defining trait of his; he even stands out from his other iterations in just how much he's a Guy Who Cares. Yet for all his personal and emotional investment in people, there is a striking lack of romance in his relationships, much to my delight. Instead, his relationships are founded on his caring nature. The best example of this is his friendship with Midna. Introduced near the beginning of the game and serving as Link's companion until the very end, Midna initially establishes a very transactional relationship with Link; a sort of "I help you, you help me" dynamic. At that point, she is closed off to Link and confides very little in him, while Link probably isn't thrilled with her demeaning treatment of him or how much she asks of him, but puts up with it anyway out of the goodness of his heart. They're reluctant allies. However, they gradually come to respect each other as Link's kindness and courage inspire Midna, and Midna's disparaging behavior slowly gives way to benign, endearing snark. Before long, when Midna is brought within an inch of her life, and Link carries her off in search of help (because of course he would), he does so with desperation, dashing frantically on foot across Hyrule's vast fields in the dead of night, worried for the acquaintance he had only just begun to appreciate, having seen her grow over the course of their adventure. That experience—Link fearing losing Midna, and Midna having her life saved by Link—brings them closer than ever. After Midna recovers, the two are best friends. She eventually opens up to Link about her identity, past, and insecurities, and Link is understanding of her plight and committed to stay by her side through everything. At the end of the game, Midna's plotline is resolved, and she prepares to return to her realm. Never to see each other again, she and Link share a heartfelt goodbye. Common tropes would have them be lovers by this point, and lament being torn away from their soulmate. Instead, Nintendo gave us something that's a precious rarity in media: a bittersweet ending for a pair of dear friends.

The other is Big Boss from the Metal Gear series. I haven't finished every game he makes an appearance in yet, but as far as I can tell, he never has any explicitly romantic relationships. However, he does have a wide range of other kinds of relationships. Plenty are sexual, plenty are platonic, and plenty are... something else. Furthermore, there are certain details throughout the series that, from my perspective, give him strong aro vibes. For example, in Metal Gear Solid 3, he is asked about the nature of his relationship with another character, in terms of an amatonormative false dichotomy. His response is "Does it have to be one or the other?" In Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, there's a sexual dynamic between him and another character, which I would describe as "brothers-in-arms with benefits." In Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, Big Boss's relationships are pretty much all based on his desperation to hold on to the people he still hasn't lost yet. His relationships don't take on very clear forms; he's just trying to cherish the ones that are left while he still can, in whatever way he can. So yeah, I think Big Boss is aroallo, and that's pretty cool.

^^^^

[potionwitchmaya-15]

Okay, finally continuing to read Hollowpox again after months (English class hardly had reading time close to finals, and I just haven't read since getting out of school) and oh my GOD everything going on in the last 3rd of this book is DELICIOUS like all of chapter 34??? Ohhhhh my goooooodddd

And i still have 200 more pages to go??? Good lord I am in for a RIDE

Edit: misread the chapter number I am WAY farther than I thought. Had to double check once I saw Courage Square was the title of chapter thirty-six and not twenty-six

(I am not re writing my tag to say 34. Change it with your mind)

[letterstobren]

letter 10

This letter reads:

Oct. 17 Bren,

I want to know what it is like to be called your lover, to know your most intimate thoughts of me. There is so much I hold back in terms of desire -- and that is mainly because I am afraid it will be too much. You say that I can share and that you like when I do, but that level of vulnerability must be an equal exchange. I love the stories we write and the rare moments we connect, but it is you that I crave and long for. I want to be able to express my love, desire, and want for you. I want to give myself to you. How do I tell you? Help me.

Love, K

-------------

When I was younger, beginning when I was a teenager, I was told that my desires didn't matter. It came from all directions: the church said that being sexual was a sin; friends at school were obsessed with purity; magazines boasted the top ten ways to please your man while still appearing to be this innocent thing that all men would desire. All this information spanned every form of media I was consuming. It came from the mouths of the people most dear to me. And I internalized all of it. It ended up informing my early relationships and I never felt comfortable speaking about what I wanted, what I desired, what made me feel good, and what I found attractive.

In my longest committed relationship, I didn't feel like I could vocalize anything. I often faked pleasure because we had gotten together when we were young and the rare times he wanted any kind of physical affection, it was about his desires being fulfilled. I had to temper myself; I couldn't find a way to discuss it so that it wouldn't incite some kind of confrontation. And when I finally got the courage to mention some of my kinks and interests, I was ridiculed and humiliated for them. I ended up closing myself off to intimate interactions and just went along with it because that's what good girls did. Good girls were meant to serve their partners, right?

And I hated myself for the longest time because of it. In all of my relationships, save for those with women, I felt that I had to box up my needs and put them aside. I am naturally the type of person who wants to give my partner pleasure and make sure that their experience is better every single time we interact intimately. I don't just want to fuck; I want to connect. (That sound so fucking stupid as I type it -- and maybe a bit naive -- but I have always wanted to be so in love, so enraptured, that my spirit bonds with theirs on every single level. I digress in my deprecation.)

And there's this also added element that I am in some way damaged. Trauma informs this. The hands of men who claimed they loved me were also the hands that doled out punishment and abuse. No one wants a broken toy; no one wants to deal with the baggage. I haven't really told Bren much about this part of my life. Not that I think he wouldn't be open to receiving it, but because it is hard to talk about. Without getting too far into it, it can be summarized simply as this: if I didn't perform, I was punished. If I didn't rise to the occasion, I was abused. If I didn't want to participate, I wasn't desirable anyway. All of this (and more) mixed with my rejection sensitive dysphoria made for this weird fear of mine that no one is ever going to find me attractive or want me or desire me. How could they?

And then I met Bren.

There is this innate longing to tell him every single thing about me. Good or bad, whether that is right or not, I just go with it. I am honest to a fault with him...except with this. I am terrified of truly expressing my desire for him. I am scared he is going to reject me. (There's A LOT of nuance to this subject and things I am leaving out for the sake of privacy. Sorry, some details are simply for only us to know.) Like...I just want him and only him, but what if I tell him and he rejects me? I don't think I could handle that, honestly. I would probably retreat into the farthest recesses of my brain and never come back out. I would probably cry my eyes out. Why am I the way I am?

Again, I feel damaged and disgusted with myself, ashamed of how I feel and how I want to express it. I hate this part of me more than anything -- the rejection sensitive dysphoria, the inability to speak my desires without being scared, the fear of losing him.

I just want to be good enough. I want him to want me. I want him to think I am beautiful and desirable. I want him to feel that insatiable longing that I feel for him. Maybe I am just fucked up. I don't know. I hate having scattered thoughts when I am writing like this. And cue the crying because I just feel like I am this stupid, broken thing that no one wants.

I don't even have the courage to tell him I updated the letters blog with this one because the idea of him reading this and then pursuing a conversation about it makes me want to fall into a hole. And that's stupid because I want him to communicate. But I am afraid of communicating this one thing. I'm spiraling. This is me cutting myself off before I continue.

At the end of the day, I am in love with him. I want to love him in every way possible. I want to be able to express that love in any way I can fathom. I need to stop being such a coward.

What's the worst that could happen? Oh, haha. He could say I was too much and leave.

Shut up, K.