#i still have no idea how to write a conclusion for a dance critique

[bartholomewthestudyduck]

10/06/2024

I've completed my first college dance concert! And it went really well, even though I had to go on for the piece I understudy for. Anyways, performance week meant I had no time for homework, so I did my entire dance critique paper today. I also meant to work on my presentation that's due this week, but that did not happen, so I'll be doing it tomorrow.

[duxbelisarius]

Back to the Dance Part One: Targaryen Law and Governance, 1 AC-129 AC

Welcome or welcome back to my blog! If you've not read through them yet, here are my Military Analysis of the Dance and my First Dornish War Analysis master posts! This is Part One of a rewrite/revision of the former series, but more on that below.

I wrote my 14 Part military analysis of the Dance a year or two ago following season one of House of the Dragon. The show got me back into the ASOIAF fandom and I had just read Fire and Blood, and wanted to do a critical analysis of what I believed were the flaws in how the war was written. If the response I got on Reddit, AO3, and here on Tumblr is any indication it seems to have been well received, but much has changed since I completed that series. HOTD Season 2 seems to have had a polarizing reception, but more importantly I've analyzed other events from Westerosi history like the Velaryon Blockade and the First Dornish War (Daeron's Conquest too!). Between researching and writing those analyses and receiving feedback from those following, I decided I needed to change my approach. Reading more secondary literature and even primary sources showed me that my conclusions in the Dance series needed serious revisions, and that there were areas I hadn't properly covered in the Dance which could give new perspectives. I also needed to find a better way to critique, since castigating the writer of a work can only go so far before it gets tedious, boring, and distasteful. I'm more than a year older now and wiser I hope, and intend to apply my experience and further research to create a more detailed, informative, and hopefully constructive analysis of the Dance of the Dragons.

For those of you unfamiliar with my Velaryon Blockade and Dornish Wars series linked above, my approach consists of analyzing aspects of the event/subject in question to identify issues in the writing and worldbuilding, after which I offer a 'fix-it' section to show how the scenario could be mostly if not completely retained with revisions. The 'theme' of my Dorne series which will be carried over into this one is that of scale and managing it: as should be well known in the fandom, George has problems identifying and judging scale which stem partly from his wanting things to be bigger and more grand in his fantasy setting. I believe this scale problem can be tied to issues of perspective more broadly, stemming from his self-described 'gardener' style of writing as opposed to being an 'architect.' George has talked about how most writers have elements of both in their approach to writing but will tend towards one extreme or the other, and George is very clearly in the 'gardener' camp. This seems to consist of keeping a general idea of the progress and end point of a story in mind while otherwise writing the story more from the ground up, with 'pruning' and 'uprooting' taking place as needed while still allowing for a return to those ideas or concepts that were excised later in the plot. This process gave us ASOIAF as we know it, so I can hardly dismiss it's effectiveness, but when it comes to TWOIAF, F&B, and the short stories that were incorporated into the former two works, the faux history premise he set out with clashes with this 'gardener' style.

In George's faux histories, the POV characters that he uses so effectively to tell his stories become historians or chroniclers writing an account of events based on sources, which already give them a sense of where the 'story' is headed and how events will unfold. I believe this creates an unfortunate tendency to treat the characters featured in these narratives as mere plot devices, tasked simply with moving events in their predetermined direction without adequately developing their motivations or reasoning for taking those actions. The result is that many of these characters act in ways that cannot be justified on a Watsonian basis, ie why did the character act this way in their world, leading the reader to look for a Doylistic justification, ie why did the writer need this character to act this way, which breaks immersion and pulls us out of the story. At it's worst the writing becomes narrowly focused on progressing the plot from point A to point B, leading characters to display ignorance and a lack of perspective of their own setting and surroundings in pursuit of the pre-determined outcome.

The piecemeal nature of the Dance narrative plays into this unfortunate tendency, since the final product as portrayed in F&B is an amalgamation of different works: The Rogue Prince, The Princess and The Queen, and segments of TWOIAF that have been fleshed out and expanded upon such as Aegon II's short reign and the regency of Aegon III. Events and characters appear in one part of the narrative that are not accounted for by another while the implications of one action or character's presence are never acknowledged or realized. This is perhaps the biggest downside of the 'gardener' approach: a lack of perspective resulting from a story being built from the ground up with a limited viewpoint in mind, leading to the implications or magnitude of an event or action appearing vastly understated or underwhelming if they are even acknowledged at all. If I could take back anything from the first analysis it would be my harsh treatment of George, when it's clear that his editors, proofreaders, and other aides did him no favours in compiling the narrative of the Dance.

While there are still areas of the Dance which are fundamentally flawed outside how the narrative was edited together, I hope to demonstrate that with some revisions and a more concerted effort to tie the strands of the plot together, the Dance could have been a much better story and served George's purposes more effectively. Doing this will require a much more detailed approach to account for different aspects of the Dance; the Dorne series was twice as many words as the Dance analysis despite having half as many chapters, and F&B devotes only 10 pages to the First Dornish War versus over 200 to the Dance! Expect this series to be a long one, as I've got a lot more to say than I did before; without further ado, once more unto the breach!

Although this series will still maintain a significant focus on the military aspects of the Dance, seeing as how it was a war, Part One is concerned with the political origins of the conflict in the succession crises of Jaehaerys and Viserys. My aim is to paint as comprehensive a picture as possible of how Targaryen government and law functioned in the lead up to the Dance, making the fairly disparate information we're given by the books accessible to the reader and to illustrate why the Dance came about as a failure of governance. This is important since it directly affects our perception of how the great houses of Westeros responded to the beginning of the Dance and whether or not George was able to effectively develop that perspective. Do we get the sense that the characters of the Targaryen court and their contemporaries appreciated the stakes involved in the build up to the Dance, or are their responses conditioned by what the writer demands for the plot?

Analyzing Targaryen government requires us to start with the Conquest itself to get a sense of how Targaryen authority was established based on what we're told and can reasonably infer. The first step in establishing Targaryen authority over the Seven Kingdoms is one which we know surprisingly little about in George's writing, that being the creation of the Crownlands. We know from TWOIAF and F&B that Aegon requested the lands that became the Kingswood alongside Massey's Hook and the lands east of the God's Eye to the shore of Blackwater Bay in return for his allying with Argillac Durrandon, and these lands end up becoming the territory of the Crownlands. We have little else about how they were created exactly and how they were governed, and what little there is requires some digging outside of the faux histories. The Mystery Knight actually gives us the best glimpse into how the Crownlands are organized:

From Maidenpool had come Lord Mooton, from Raventree Lord Blackwood, from Duskendale Lord Darklyn. The royal demenses about King's Landing sent forth Hayfords, Rosbys, Stokeworths, Masseys, and the king's own sworn swords, led by three knights of the Kingsguard and stiffened by three hundred Raven's Teeth with tall white weirwood bows. (A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms, 348-349)

Although this quote refers to events taking place centuries after the Conquest, the outline it gives us is consistent with the 'high school textbook' style of feudalism in George's series. Excluding Maidenpool and the other Riverlords involved in Bloodraven's army, we have the Darklyns of Duskendale whose lands are in the Crownlands but who appear to have marshalled their own forces. We then have the 'royal demenses' about King's Landing which include the Houses Hayford, Rosby, Massey, and Stokeworth, followed by the Targaryen sworn swords led by the Kingsguard. Demesne is an Old French title for lands directly controlled by the lord of a manor, and was brought to England after the Norman Conquest when the feudal structures of Normandy began to be implemented across the Channel. We can reasonably infer a hierarchy from this passage within the Crownlands, with the Targaryens at the top as would be expected, followed by the Darklyns and other lords who are sworn directly to the Targaryens but appear to possess their own demenses, followed by the Hayfords et al who appear to be tenants that have ceded their demenses legally to House Targaryen but still administer those lands on their behalf, with the sworn swords at the very bottom likely being governed directly by the Targaryens on the land immediately surrounding King's Landing.

The picture which emerges suggests that the Crownlands northwest and north of the Rosby road possess their own demenses, including Darklyn, Celtigar, Velaryon, and the houses of Crackclaw Point, while the rest of the Crownlands along the coastline of Blackwater Bay is the Targaryen demense including Dragonstone. Significant also is the fact that the Crownlands mainly encompassed territories that were disputed between the River Kings, Hoares, Durrandons, and Gardeners rather than territories that those kings had ruled consistently such as Tumbleton, Maidenpool, or Felwood. the Targaryens carved out their houses' own kingdom and did not annex large swaths of their new vassals territory, instead establishing a more or less stereotypical feudal monarchy, the government of which only reinforces this impression.

F&B makes it clear that Aegon did not seek to fundamentally overturn the existing norms and structures of the newly subjugated kingdoms:

Each of the conquered kingdoms had its own laws and traditions. King Aegon did little to interfere with those. He allowed his lords to continue to rule much as they always had, with all the same powers and prerogatives. The laws of inheritance and succession remained unchanged, the existing feudal structures were confirmed, both lords great and small retained the power of pit and gallows on their own land, and the privilege of the first night wherever that custom had formerly prevailed. (F&B, 42)

Aegon was recognized as the final authority in the realm, although he relied upon Rhaenys, Visenya, and his small council for day-to-day governance, since he spent half the year touring the kingdoms with his court including one of his queens and half a dozen maesters. These visits were clearly important for the Targaryens since they allowed Aegon to be seen by his subjects and to establish relationships and network with his vassal lords, having spent most of the Conquest itself campaigning in the Riverlands-Blackwater Bay region. The fact he was accompanied by maesters to inform him about local laws and custom also indicates he sought to be accommodating to his vassals and respect their authority, as it could have been easy enough for Aegon and his queens to travel simply using their dragons. Traveling with their court indicates that they governed through their advisors and vassals rather than imposing their authority arbitrarily as individuals, and this is in keeping with the feudal nature of the Targaryen monarchy.

Much like the creation of the Crownlands, the structure of the royal government itself requires us to do some digging in order to determine how it functioned. We know Aegon appointed Masters of Law, Coin, and Ships as advisors from the outset and established the post which came to be known as the Hand of the King; he later established the post of Grand Maester, and also sought the advice of the Grand Septon and other members of the Faith regularly. When Jaehaerys arrived in King's Landing following Maegor's death, we're told he had the King's Justice, Lord Confessor, and Chief Gaoler confined to the Black Cells, and with the end of Rogar Baratheon and Queen Alyssa's Regency we know he replaced a collection of lesser offices: the Keeper of the Keys, the chief steward of the Red Keep and his under stewards, the harbormaster of King's Landing, the Warden of the King's Mint, and the King's Justice among others. Tyrion IV of ACOK also gives us a list of royal officials and positions answerable to the Master of Coin:

The Keepers of the Keys were his, all four. The King's Counter and the King's Scales were men he'd named. The officers in charge of all three mints. Harbormasters, tax farmers, customs sergeants, wool factors, toll collectors, pursers, wine factors; nine of every ten belonged to Littlefinger.

We'll discuss the Master of Laws when we cover the legal system, but we know that the King's Justice, Lord Confessor, and Chief Gaoler are responsible for executions, interrogation/torture, and incarceration respectively. All the other offices mentioned are administrative posts concerned with the King's own authority or with collecting revenues owed to the Crown. Master of Ships is concerned with the Royal Fleet and may have some oversight of the Celtigar and Velaryon Fleets since they are also pledged to House Targaryen; Harbormaster and Purser are both connected to naval affairs despite coming under the Master of Coin's authority, the former office being responsible for overseeing the operations of King's Landing's port facilities while the latter is likely based off an Anglo-Norman office that was responsible for the financial upkeep and personnel management of royal naval vessels.

The rest of the offices mentioned above are concerned with fiscal matters: Tax farmers, customs sergeants, and toll collectors are responsible for collecting royal revenues through tax collecting, tariffs and duties on foreign goods, and use of public roads respectively. Wool and wine factors are wholesalers who deal in textiles and wine as their titles suggest, but their function is unclear; they could be responsible for selling textiles and wine that the Crown possesses through in-kind taxation, splitting the profit between themselves and the government, or they may be obtaining textiles and wine for the Royal Household's consumption and obtaining financial information in the process that the Crown can utilize for levying taxes. Keeper of the Keys, Warden of the King's Mint, King's Counter and Scales are likely connected to the Royal Treasury the Keeper of the Keys being responsible for accessing the treasury vaults and coffers, Counter and Scales being responsible for valuing their contents, and the Warden of the King's Mints is presumably in charge of supplying royal coinage and would have some connection to Westerosi mines which supply the precious metals. While most of these titles come to us via Tyrion's POV, I don't see any reason to doubt that royal finances were handled similarly in the days of Aegon and his successors; by comparing Tyrion's POV with F&B we know that the Keeper of the Keys has gone from one position to four between the reigns of Jaehaerys and Joffrey Baratheon, and there are now three royal mints instead of one.

The importance of Masters of Coin like Edwell Celtigar and Rego Draz post-Aegon suggests that fiscal unification was begun if not well under way by the time of Aegon's death. This makes sense given that Aegon was establishing his house at the top of the new feudal hierarchy of Westeros, and would have needed to collect his incomes in order to further establish his authority and that of his house over his new vassals. The existence of the Master of Coin and the rest of the Small Council does indicate that the approach of the Targaryen monarchy was to formulate policy with the council's aid and with respect to their vassals. Even when this wasn't the case as with Celtigar's taxes, the feudal tax system of the Seven Kingdoms was such that many lords avoided paying these taxes altogether, illustrating a need for the consent of the vassals in order to rule effectively.

This need for some degree of consent and the use of the council to govern is best demonstrated by the evolution of the Targaryen legal system, although we first should clarify what the monarchy's powers were. F&B gives us a clear indication of this in its discussion of 'Queen Alysanne's Laws,' where Gyldan states that unlike Rhaenys or Visenya, Alysanne did not have the power to "enact laws, issue decrees, make proclamations, or pass sentences." Passing sentences and enacting laws are relatively straightforward concepts to grasp, since we have examples of both in F&B: The Rule of Six and the Widow's Law. In the case of Rhaenys' Rule of Six, a dispute was brought before the court involving a dead woman's husband and her two brothers, the latter accusing the former of having 'chastized' (ie beaten) her excessively for adultery and causing her death. We're told that Rhaenys consulted with maesters and representatives of the Faith before passing sentence, establishing a precedent that became part of the common law (more on that later). We can clearly see a form of legal process being used and counsel solicited, and this is also at work in the enactment of laws such as the Widow's Law. Widow's Law did not come about arbitrary but through Alysanne's 'women's courts,' which provided her with information about the plight of widows throughout the Seven Kingdoms which she subsequently used to persuade Jaehaerys of the need for laws to protect them, which he then promulgated (again, more on this later).

Issuing decrees and making proclamations are more difficult to get a handle on; search of Ice and Fire turns up only two uses of the word 'proclamation,' while 'decree' and 'proclaim' are heavily used in a more colloquial sense which complicates determining their legal usage. We can say that they differ from laws which are enacted as opposed to issued or simply 'made,' while 'A Question of Succession' in F&B lists them alongside court documents as records available to the historian or chronicler, indicating they are not simply verbal orders or commands by the monarch but are written documents. Regarding decrees, Sansa V of AGOT gives us clues as to how decrees function as Joffrey orders Pycelle to "read" his decrees (confirming them as documents), while Pycelle concludes each reading with "So the king has decreed. The small council consents." When Kevan Lannister reads out Joffrey's decrees in Sansa VIII of ACOK, he also concludes with "To all this, the King's Hand and the small council consent." In ASOIAF we see royal decrees made to appoint new members of the small council, grant new titles as rewards from the crown, legitimize bastards (which can only be done by royal decree), and order punishments such as the loss of a limb used to strike a member of royalty as referenced in The Hedge Knight.

F&B offers some other examples which I believe get us closer to the role and power of a decree via the reigns of Aegon, Maegor, and Jaehaerys. We know that Aegon allowed his vassals to keep much of their old powers and prerogatives, but he was also able to issue decrees regularizing customs, duties, and taxes which was previously in the hands of the lords themselves. He also issued a decree establishing the King's Peace, making it illegal to conduct warfare without the king's permission and obligating vassals to abide by the adjudication of their liege lords in disputes. We then have Maegor's decrees referred to in ASOIAF as "Maegor's Laws," which punished and disarmed the Faith Militant for taking up arms against the Crown, although F&B credits Maegor's new High Septon with actually dissolving the Warrior's Sons and the Poor Fellows. Finally, we have Jaehaerys' decree recognizing Baelon as his heir in 92 AC, which was made after consulting with his small council and especially Septon Barth, although Alysanne dissented. Based on these examples and the information we have from the books, I believe that issuing a decree is how a king exercises their power and prerogatives which they possess via the law or laws of the land. Decrees are formulated and drafted with the aid of the small council to ensure their consent to it's contents, but do not appear to have the same force as an enacted law. Maegor was not enacting new laws but was punishing the Faith Militant as their actions were objective violations of the King's Peace, nor were they acting on behalf of the legitimate claimant Aegon the Uncrowned. Likewise, Aegon was using his own powers to ensure the economic unity of his new realm, while Jaehaerys was clarifying the status of his new heir under the law.

Based on evidence from F&B and the other books, making proclamations appears to serve a different purpose than issuing decrees. Thus in F&B we have Aegon proclaiming the Faith to be exempt from taxes with the power to try their own members in their courts; TWOIAF speaks of Jaehaerys' proclamation as rightful king of the Seven Kingdoms at Storm's End, with F&B crediting Rogar Baratheon with proclaiming him king; while Jaime Lannister and Lord Crakehall exchange words over who shall proclaim a new king and whom it shall be in the throne room following Aerys' death in Jaime II of ASOS. Proclamations appear to be a way for the king to make announcements to the realm as a whole with the added legitimacy granted by the monarch's own voice; they can serve a legal purpose of drawing attention to an action being taken, whether proclaiming the succession a new king or official acknowledgement of an heir, which appears to be consistent with how proclamations are defined under English law.

Now that we've got a rough idea of the legal powers of the Targaryen monarchy pre-Dance and how that power was expected to be wielded, we can get into how that legal system evolved. As previously mentioned, Aegon kept the laws and customs of the Seven Kingdoms largely the same after the Conquest, hence why he brought maesters with him on his progresses who were knowledgeable in local laws and customs. The lords were made responsible for settling disputes and adjudicating within their own territories, while F&B states that Aegon was responsible for adjudicating disputes between the kingdoms. F&B and TWOIAF may unintentionally provide us some evidence of the workings of this pluralistic legal system via the Rule of Six and Widow's Law. F&B states that the Rule of Six became a part of the common law from that day onward, while TWOIAF says the Rule of Six is "now part of the common law;" since the Seven Kingdoms did not possess a single common law before Jaehaerys' Book of Laws, this suggests that the Crownlands possessed their own common law separate from the individual kingdoms. This helps to explain why Jaehaerys is described as promulgating the Widow's Law in 52 AC, prior to his codification project: to promulgate means to promote or make widely known, although it can mean to make known a law or enforce it, andf he would have had to promulgate the law if he wanted his vassals to adopt similar laws in their own jurisdictions. This is both interesting and unfortunate from a world building perspective, since we have no idea what formed the basis of these laws: did it use Dragonstone's laws? Were they derived from Riverlord laws, and did Stormlands and Ironborn law have any influences?

With the political and fiscal unification of the Seven Kingdoms already well advanced by 48 AC, it was under the new king Jaehaerys that the Seven Kingdoms were legally unified. We're never given a date for when the new code was completed, but the evidence is unanimous that it was completed while he was king. F&B calls the Book of Laws Jaehaerys' greatest achievement while TWOIAF credits him with giving the realm a single set of laws. The process of researching the laws of the individual kingdoms began in 55 AC and was completed two years later, while the actual codification was said to have taken decades. F&B refers to the code as the Great Code of Septon Barth and heavily credits him with the completion of the Book, so the Book of Laws was most likely completed between 67 and 98 AC or a decade after the research was complete but prior to his death. The research phase is also significant as it clearly indicates that written laws were available to be researched, from the kingdoms themselves and/or the records of the Citadel; this is important because codification refers not to the writing down of laws but the organizing of laws according to a system or plan. No one would seriously suggest that the Roman Empire and it's predecessors lacked written laws prior to the Theodosian Code and Justinian's Corpus Juris Civilis, rather its constitutions and sets of laws had not been brought together systematically despite past attempts.

Creating a single code for the Seven Kingdoms would certainly have increased the power of the monarchy, now that a Targaryen ruler could enact laws and pass sentences which would have direct influence over all of the kingdoms. Nonetheless, the lengthy codification process indicates that a serious effort was made to reflect the traditions of all the kingdoms by consulting their laws during the process rather than simply grafting some of the laws onto the common law as it existed in the Crownlands. We can safely assume that the Lords Paramount were aware of this project and broadly supported it in light of the two years spent by Jaehaerys and his "smaller council" of Alysanne, Barth, Grand Maester Benifer, and Master of Laws Albin Massey collecting and researching all these laws. As we said regarding the tax system, consent of one's vassals would still have been important for enforcing the new code since it fell to the lords and their lieges across the kingdoms to apply it and adjudicate in the absence of the king. With that being said, establishing the broad strokes of Targaryen government, law, and their functions now allows us to assess the lead up to the Dance.

One of the first issues with discussing the origins of the Dance is the way in which the decision of 92 AC is made out to be less straightforward than it objectively was. While Prince Aemon was the Prince of Dragonstone and heir apparent to Jaehaerys at his death in 92 AC, we have no indication that the title of Prince of Dragonstone was deemed hereditary and could pass on the position of heir to his own children. To use a historical example, Edward III was succeeded by Richard II, the son and heir of Edward the Black Prince, Edward III's eldest son and heir apparent who pre-deceased his father. This put Richard II ahead of Edward III's other surviving son John of Gaunt, but this was the result of letters patent that the king had issued before his death rather than the operation of the law. On the other hand, the decision of 92 AC did not deviate from male-preference primogeniture, favouring Jaehaerys' surviving and eligible son Baelon over Rhaenys who was the king's granddaughter via Aemon. This is also how the succession was determined during Robert's Rebellion, as following Rhaegar's death his younger brother Viserys became the heir over Rhaegar's son Aegon. Nonetheless, "A Question of Succession" seems confused over this idea:

If the precedent set by the Great Council of 101 was followed, a male claimant must prevail over a female. In the absence of a trueborn son, the king's brother would come before the king's daughter, as Baelon had come before Rhaenys in 92 AC. (F&B, 358)

This seems to be George's lack of perspective creeping in, as it should not have mattered in 92 AC if Rhaenys had been born a boy or a girl; Baelon was the king's son and not his grandchild, so the succession passing to him was the correct decision.

It is to the Council of 101 that we ought to look for where things went wrong with the Targaryen succession, as it resulted in serious breeches of legal precedent by the king and his vassals. Owing to Baelon's death in 101 AC, Vaegon Targaryen's refusal to foreswear his maester's vows, and Jaehaerys' only surviving daughter Saera being disgraced and in exile, the king was left with no heir to succeed him. The choice was between the heirs of the heirs, with Viserys son of Baelon on one side and Rhaenys daughter of Aemon on the other with her children Laena and Laenor Velaryon. F&B makes it clear that those who spoke out against Rhaenys' and Laena's claims outnumbered those who spoke in their favour 20:1, but that Laenor's claim from his grandfather via his mother was deemed valid enough for the succession to be decided by a majority vote between himself and Viserys. More importantly, we know of legal precedents from Westerosi history that should have had bearing on the decisions of Jaehaerys and the Great Council, those of Joffrey Lydden and Mern VI Gardener. TWOIAF tells us that Joffrey Lydden became the first Andal King of the Rock after Gerold III Lannister died without male issue; in this case a council crowned Lydden king as the husband of Gerold's only daughter, but he was required to take his wife's family name with his claim deriving from his marriage to her, even though she was not made queen.

In the case of Mern VI Gardener, his predecessor Garth X also died with no male issue; his two daughters were married to Lord Peake and Lord Manderly respectively, and the idea of a woman succeeding was not the issue here but whether the Peakes or the Manderlys should be the ones to have their claimant sit the throne. The ensuing conflict nearly tore the Reach asunder until Ser Osmund Tyrell, the Andal Steward of Highgarden, rallied House Gardener's other bannermen to defeat both factions and place Garth's second cousin Mern on the throne as Mern VI. In this case, Garth's daughters clearly had better claims that Mern but he was chosen so as to reward neither of the warring factions for having brought ruin upon the Gardener kingdom. Mern's presence also means that there were male relatives in Garth's family at the time of his death, whereas this seems not to have been the case explicitly when Gerold III died. It appears that Garth X having male relatives would ensure that the male line of the family would continue even if a daughter held the throne, whereas the council that chose Joffrey Lydden seems to have created a new male line for the Lannisters as it would otherwise have died out with Gerold III.

This is important for assessing Jaehaerys and the Council of 101's decisions, since these historical cases clearly show that the First Men and Andals were willing to contemplate female rulership under certain circumstances. F&B also gives us examples of ladies governing great houses under the Targaryens despite the misogyny inherent in male-preference primogeniture laws, such as Jeyne Arryn during the Dance and Ellyn Caron during the rebellion of the First Vulture King. It can also be argued that Jaehaerys and even Alysanne helped the 101 dispute become the crisis it was, firstly by failing to find suitable matches for Saera, Viserra, Gael, and Daella Targaryen. This is an indictment of both Jaehaerys and Alysanne, as the matches were inferior (either men from lesser houses or far older men who already had heirs) and failed to produce Targaryen relatives in positions of power throughout the realm. This in turn meant that there was no Mern VI-style candidate who could have been selected in place of the two quarreling parties to avoid favouring one faction over the other, while also meaning there were no family ties that Jaehaerys could leverage among the great houses to de-escalate the situation, ensuring that Jaehaerys' vassals flocked to one claimant or the other, leading to division and near war.

The other way in which Jaehaerys and Alysanne helped create the crisis of 101 AC, although in this case Alysanne was long dead, is that the historical cases discussed again show that inheritance through a female line was not so great an obstacle provided some 'finessing' was done. Rhaenys' and Laena's claims might still have been set aside, but in light of Rhaenyra's later betrothal to Laenor to strengthen her claim this should have been the obvious solution for Jaehaerys. He could have declared Laenor his heir on the condition that he took his mother's family name as monarch, and that the 3-4 year old Rhaenyra would be betrothed to the 6-7 year old Laenor to unite Rhaenys and Viserys claims. A further step could have been to make Rhaenys, Corlys, Viserys, and Aemma responsible for setting up a regency council along with Jaehaerys, to help govern the realm once the king died and until Laenor came of age. This solution would have been in keeping with past legal precedent and would have offered both parties a measure of satisfaction, while allowing Jaehaerys to assert his authority as king and the final authority over the realm. Instead he abdicated his role and took the out that Vaegon offered him by leaving it up to his vassals to decide, leading to a result that both upended the existing laws of Westeros and laid the seeds of future discord, with Jaehaerys effectively handing the realm a poisoned chalice through his death.

The problem moving from 101 to Rhaenyra's succession and the Dance itself is that while George's handling of the succession issues in 92 and 101 is somewhat shaky, his handling of Rhaenyra and the Dance crisis is suspect. It doesn't help that George's own comments in Hollywood Spotlight Magazine suggest his grasp of male-preference primogeniture is tenuous at best:

Would it have made a difference if Rhaenyra and Aegon were full siblings, only a year apart? If they were full siblings, regardless of age, the son have inherited rather than the daughter. I had to make it more complicated than that. Two children by different mothers, different wives? First wife and second wife? I always look to history for inspiration, and if you look at Henry VIII and his six wives, he had a daughter by his first wife, Catherine of Aragon, and that was Mary Tudor, Queen Mary I. And then he had a daughter by his second wife, Anne Boleyn, and that was Queen Elizabeth. Then by the third wife, Jane Seymour, he finally had a son, Edward VI. He was third in line, but he was the first to become king. History is full of these kinds of conflicts.

Just so we're clear, Henry VIII's line of succession was fairly straightforward at his death. While there was some controversy over Mary being his daughter from an annulled marriage, once he died his crown passed to his only son Edward as expected. Edward's death without issue saw the crown pass to Henry's eldest daughter Mary, and her death without issue saw the crown pass to Henry's only surviving legitimate child, Elizabeth. This line of succession is not unclear or confused from the perspective of male-preference primogeniture, it's George's perspective or lack thereof which is at fault here.

This questionable perspective is where the issue lies, as we quoted F&B earlier on the subject of how 92 and 101 AC were seen as obstacles to Rhaenyra's claim versus Daemon, when they should not have been. 92 AC was the king choosing between his son and his granddaughter, 101 was a contest between his grandson, granddaughter, and great grandchildren via said granddaughter. 92 AC favoured the king's child while 101 was an issue because the king had no children able to succeed him, but Viserys has no such issues aside from the plot making it appear so. Given that the decrees of the council are just that, decrees and not enacted laws, it makes no sense why they should have applications to situations which are not at all analogous. We also have proof from the narrative itself that this is not the case: "The Blacks and the Greens" suggests that Jeyne Arryn might not be disposed to support Aegon since his claim against Rhaenyra might call into question her own claim, but this would have been a far greater issue decades ago had this been the case. We know that Yorbort Royce attended the Great Council on behalf of Jeyne as her regent and protector, and she tells Jace that her cousin Ser Arnold Arryn sought to replace her three times in the past. Viserys and Daemon are also tied to the Arryns and Royces by marriage since 93 and 97 AC respectively; if the 101 decrees were truly so far reaching and favoured the male claimant over the female in all circumstances, Jeyne's continued status as Lady of the Vale would have been a threat to Viserys' rule. We also have to think that Daemon would have seized on House Royce's support of her as reason to have his hated marriage to Rhea Royce annulled; the best answer in-world is that the Council's precedent is nowhere near as far reaching as is suggested.

The plot of the Dance is further hampered for reasons which I discussed in Part One of the first series: based on the inheritance laws of the Seven Kingdoms, Rhaenyra has no claim to the Iron Throne as of Aegon II's birth. Declaring her the heir made complete sense after Aemma's death and to fortify her claim with oaths, especially given how clearly unfit Daemon was to rule. However, Viserys unwillingness to declare an heir while Aemma was alive and able to bear children clearly shows he was aware of how the law worked, and I must stress law. Elio Garcia claimed in a 2015 Forum of Ice and Fire post that primogeniture is "customary, but not binding" in the Seven Kingdoms, and yet F&B which was published in 2018 clearly gives lie to this assertion. Aside from Aegon confirming the laws of inheritance and succession of the realm, as Maester Gawen reminded Maegor when he usurped the throne from Aegon the Uncrowned, Rogar Baratheon also reminds those arguing for Rhaena over Jaehaerys in 48 AC that "this is not Dorne, and Rhaena is not Nymeria." "A Question of Succession" reminds us that it was Aegon and not Visenya who was the first ruler of the Seven Kingdoms, and then there's the fact that by 98 AC at least, all of those inheritance and succession laws have been brought together in a single legal code, the Book of Laws. This would include the Widow's Law, which affirmed the right of the eldest son to succeed, with daughters only being able to inherit if there was no son to do so. It also made it illegal to disinherit the child of one marriage for the wife and children of another, but this clearly means taking from one son to give to another or from one daughter to another since putting a daughter from one marriage before the eldest son by another wife would contradict the law itself.

By the time of Aegon II's birth, male-preference primogeniture is well established as the law of the land, but Rhaenyra's claim was secure so long as Viserys had no sons. With not one but three sons born to Alicent, Rhaenyra's claim is supported only through Viserys' ignorance of the law and his failure to govern. For starters, if Rhaenyra's claim can be placed before those of her own blood brothers, then how do the decrees of the Great Council of 101 have any legal basis whatsoever? What is the justification for favouring a king's grandson over his granddaughter, great granddaughter, and great grandson when a king can elevate his daughter above his own sons? Unsurprisingly, these implications are never even considered since the decision of 92 AC and the Council of 101 are only ever brought up as justifications for Aegon II's claim, not that they (the latter at least) form the legal basis of Viserys' own reign and that he is undermining his own legitimacy. Yet Viserys only compounds his error in ignoring the law by refusing to govern: he never calls on the lords of the realm to renew their oath to Rhaenyra despite her now having brothers; he never issues a proclamation to clarify his intentions before the realm; he enacts no law(s) with regards to the Targaryen succession to secure Rhaenyra's claim; nor does he issue any decrees either cementing Rhaenyra's position or removing Alicent and her children from the line of succession.

This situation is made even worse when we consider the wider context of Viserys' reign and the fact that he is threatening a succession crisis by not clarifying his intentions and ignoring his council. No one points out to him that there has not been a seamless succession to the Iron Throne since Aenys succeeded Aegon, as Maegor usurped Aegon the Uncrowned, Jaehaerys overthrew Maegor, and Viserys was made heir by a majority vote of lords of the realm which was subsequently recognized by Jaehaerys. By ignoring the law, Viserys is only guaranteeing that this lack of stability will continue after his death, while the message he sends to the realm by his treatment of Alicent and her children is also disastrous. After all, the Hightowers are not just one of the most wealthy and influential families on the continent, they have also been strong supporters of the monarchy since the conquest. Alicent is now the second Hightower consort to be treated with disdain despite her marrying into the royal family, and with the exception of Rhaena, a trend begun by Maegor is effectively continuing through Viserys by disrespecting his non-Valyrian consort. What message does this send to the rest of the realm that the Targaryens insist on incestuous marriages or marriage with cousins and their Valyrian vassals, while their treatment of even their greatest supporters is contemptuous when it comes to non-Valyrian matches?

Alicent's treatment is also important because it suggests a more sinister side to Viserys' character, aside from his horrific treatment of Aemma Arryn of course. It's unthinkable that Corlys Velaryon would allow Laena and her potential children by Viserys to be disregarded or that Rhaenys would tolerate further insult from her cousin were that the situation. This alone may explain the Hightower match since F&B claims there were murmurs that Otto had desired and sought the match, but only Grand Maester Runciter's suggestion of Laena is explicitly stated in the text. While a member of House Hightower, Otto was also a second son whose power stemmed entirely from being Hand of the King, a position he could lose if the king so chose. As a knight he also lacked the personal wealth and 'hard power' of a Corlys Velaryon, while Oldtown being much farther away from King's Landing than Driftmark means Viserys could get away with more against Alicent than if he married Laena. F&B describes Viserys as amiable and not strong willed and reliant and his council for decision-making, but in the case of the Alicent match "His Grace had his own notion, and no amount of argument would sway him from his course."

It's hard not to see sinister intentions in Viserys' actions, that behind the affable, weak-willed man was a deeply insecure, almost calculating individual who utilized uncertainties and grey areas in any situation to exercise power over others. It would certainly explain why he calls Alicent's children "her blood" despite being their father, while allegedly threatening to make Aegon his heir in order to compel Rhaenyra to marry Laenor. With the exception of Daeron and Tessarion being sent to Oldtown, Alicent's other children are essentially at Viserys and Rhaenyra's mercy; Aegon and Helaena's marriage means they cannot seek allies in other houses or obtain outside income, making them and Aemond entirely reliant on Viserys and his heir for their future livelihood, while the presence of Alicent's children and their dragons also means that Rhaenyra must cleave to her father to maintain her status as heir apparent and secure her own future. From this perspective, Viserys comes off not as a well-meaning, weak-willed king forever mourning the loss of his beloved Aemma as HOTD chose to depict him, but as an abuser and manipulator seeking to maintain his power at all costs. This perspective is not entertained by the narrative however, and subsequent events show little concern for how the rest of the realm might perceive the failed governance of the King.

The disputed parentage of Rhaenyra's three eldest children is the best illustration of the failure of Targaryen government prior to the Dance, and the absence of any kind of response from the kingdoms as a whole. HOTD confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jace, Luke, and Joff were bastards, but the evidence in the books is already overwhelming: Rhaenys children Laena and Laenor show no Baratheon colouring in their hair or eyes (despite Orys Baratheon being a Targaryen bastard), and neither of Laena and Daemon's daughters are anything but typical Valyrians in appearance; Rhaenyra is conventionally Valyrian by all accounts despite her mother's Arryn heritage, and Viserys children by Alicent are likewise despite their mother being a Hightower. Yet when Rhaenyra marries Laenor, a known homosexual who she was forced to marry, and leaves court for Dragonstone in the company of her sworn sword Harwin Strong, all three of her children with "Laenor" look nothing like their parents and are dead ringers for Harwin Strong. This situation suddenly changes after Laenor and Harwin die and Rhaenyra elopes with her uncle and rumored past lover Daemon, whereupon she has two more sons who are conventionally Valyrian in their looks.

This situation means that in addition to becoming king through objectively flawed and bad-faith means, in addition to undermining his authority and Westerosi laws by placing his daughter above his sons as heir, in addition to refusing to use his powers to clarify the situation, and in addition to disrespecting one of House Targaryen's most important vassals, Viserys is allowing his daughter to flaunt the law by claiming her bastards are true born and placing them in the line of succession, while sitting by and allowing her to humiliate another steadfast supporter of House Targaryen in House Velaryon. Despite all of this, the only real blowback from the realm itself comes from Vaemond Velaryon, Corlys' nephew in the books, and his five cousins (the future 'Silent Five'). Corlys takes ill in 127 AC and members of his house gather at Driftmark to discuss the potential succession, with Rhaenyra requesting that Lucerys be made heir to Driftmark since Laena and Laenor are dead. Vaemond presses his claim based on the assertion that Rhaenyras boys are bastards, and she retaliates by having Daemon decapitate him before feeding his corpse to Syrax. When his cousins flee to King's Landing with Vaemond's wife and two sons to plead for justice from Viserys, the King has the tongues of the five removed in keeping with his punishment for claiming that the Velaryon boys are bastards.

Not only was Vaemond's death contrary to the King's decree, which specified muteness and not execution as punishment, but Vaemond is Corlys' bannerman not Rhaenyras. It is the duty of Corlys or the King to deliver these punishments, not hers or Daemons, which renders Rhaenyra and her consort murderers by default. Not only do we have the laundry list above of all the failings of Viserys and Rhaenyra, but we now have the heir to the throne and her husband being guilty of murder and the King refusing to acknowledge the crime or deliver justice. This is where the edited nature of the narrative completely undercuts the writing, because the implications of Viserys and Rhaenyra's actions here and prior cannot be adequately addressed in the Dance itself. A member of one of the oldest houses in Westeros and one of House Targaryen's most steadfast bannermen has been murdered by the heir apparent and her consort, in full view of the realm, and the King took the side of the perpetrators over the victims. The absence of the Silent Five in the narrative of the Dance until after the war ends, combined with the widespread support Rhaenyra enjoys at the outset of the Dance, cannot be reconciled with the scale of this event and Viserys' previous failures of governance. Vaemond's death alone should alter the course of the Dance given the terrible message it sends to other vassals, but because The Rogue Prince was preceded by The Princess and the Queen and no alterations were made to better edit the two together for F&B, this cannot happen.

The 'fix-its' for this part are fairly simple, since my opinion hasn't changed since I wrote the conclusion of my military analysis series: Rhaenyra must be an only child and Viserys legal heir. Rhaenyra and Viserys transgressions are easier to accommodate if the law is on their side in the matter of the succession, meaning that the conflict between Rhaenyra and Aegon's camps becomes one of politics from the start and thus a more genuinely complex and complicated scenario. George's scenario as it stands requires us and the setting to completely ignore how the laws of the Seven Kingdoms work, because the plot is at odds with the world-building. This is not a problem if Aegon, son of Baelon lives to adulthood and is the one to marry Alicent and father Aegon II, Helaena, Aemond, and Daeron instead of Viserys. Alicent's husband can die and Viserys can either marry her to silence those calling for him to remarry and have more children, or simply point to Alicent's four and say that his youngest brother already gave him 'spares.' The fact that the Council of 101 set aside the female claimants can be used in Aegon's favour, while also pointing out that Rhaenyra is the King's own child and thus a direct heir, with the issues truly arising with Rhaenyra's bastards. Obviously George placed himself in a bind since Stannis says Rhaenyra usurped her brother's throne in ACOK, but making them step-siblings could at least mitigate this problem.

That wraps it up for part one; I hope you've what I've written thus far! Part two onwards is when we'll get into the military dimensions of the Dance in greater detail than I managed to do originally. Having established the nature of the Targaryen political system and the issues with it that led to the Dance, we'll step down a level to discuss some of the overarching factors that should govern how the Dance was fought. Stay tuned next time for "Environment and Logistics in the Dance!"

[cat-psychic]

Recently I’ve been taking a poetry class where we have to critique eachothers work, and I’ve noticed that almost every poem I’ve read has been sad. They’re all about social issues or discrimination or death or trauma. The only exceptions are poems about romantic love and desire, of which there have been two or three, but they’re still extraordinarily outclassed by the sad ones. Now love and death being the two most common subjects of poetry is a pretty well understood thing, and young adults who write poetry just being an edgy bunch is certainly part of it, but I think there’s something more going on here. 

I’ve taken enough lit classes to know that the books assigned in them do not tend to be happy ones. Anything near-contemporary you read is guaranteed to be depressing, and while a books age will sometimes let a wry, often political comedy sneak through, you’ll always be made to read it through such an analytical, often again, depressing lens, that a lot of the jokes loose their meaning. And when you write, you’re encouraged to do it in much the same way- poignant, dark, realistic pieces on the state of the world. I

 especially notice it in books centering around some sort of oppressed/minority group- in all my years of lit courses, I don’t think I ever read a book with a female protagonist where being a girl was portrayed as “fun”. And yeah, don’t get me wrong, discrimination exists and impacts people and is a HUGE PROBLEM, but at the same time I wouldn’t equate my personal experience of “being a girl” to “constant suffering” –which, if you were going off of these books only, might be the conclusion you draw. And while this is a big topic that I’m simplifying greatly, I think a persons only literary experience regarding an oppressed group (their own or others) revolving around how much being a part of that group SUCKS is a reductive and plain out depressing concept. And since those are the stories that are held aloft, it forces writers belonging to those groups to write stories about the oppression they’ve faced rather than literally any other topic if they want their stories to be promoted and seen. And this extends out of professional spheres back to students. There’s been some recent discussions of how the college application essays encourage students to write about and thus revisit their trauma, turning trying to get a  college education into some sort of sadness contest. And while I don’t think whats happening in my poetry class is anything quite that sinister, I think at the end of the day it’s rooted in the same problem: The subconcious idea that stories about darkness are inherently more valuable.

And that’s something I take personal problem with. I think it’s based around the idea that “dark” somehow equals “more realistic”, which is untrue. While life can be cruel and dark and serious, life can also be joyous and thrilling and just plain out stupid. And those silly fun moments are just as important as the dark ones! Hell, maybe even more so! There is innate beauty in random chance, fun surprises, friendship and love. Life is a constant see-sawing between the happy and sad. Even during very happy times, watching a sad movie can make you cry. At your most depressed, you’ll still ocassionally find yourself laughing at somebody elses dumb joke. There is a constant cycle of gain and loss. One can’t exist without the other, and that in and of itself is poetry! 

Saying one feeling is more important than the other is about as silly as saying red is more important than blue. Hell, beyond joy and sadness, look at confusion, anger, friendship, satisfaction, embarrassment, sleepyness, deja vu, weird coincidences, dancing, your first crush, injokes, brainfreeze, an obsession with dinosaurs, whatever! Yes, write tragic, edgy, or serious stuff too when you want to. Heaven knows I do. But don’t put yourself in a box. Meaning can be found in strange places, and one of the joys of poetry is reading something that you would never have guessed hits as hard as it does. And if something hits you, no matter how weird, you can bet somehow, somewhere in the world, it’ll connect to someone else in the same way.

Don’t give a shit if people say what you feel doesn’t matter, be stupid, have fun, and write!

[silverswanqueen]

I mostly disliked RWBY since V3 because the dark turn and how they went about it I just subjectively didn't like(I was expecting it to be more akin to Harry Potter or Avatar The Last Airbender) and now its seems like its going through the same song and dance I've seen with Fate: Zero, Akame Ga Kill, Madoka Magica and Gen Urobuchi's other works. I get the points of those works, being righteous, moral, and noble in the face of tragedy, but I've just grown tired of it. But so many stans have built their ego and identity around these works that they can't allow anyone to openly and subjectively not like something anymore. And holy shit have I never felt the brunt of that than from the RWBY loyalists.

idk I'm not pretending I am speaking objectively here, but I feel like the very fact RWBY seems to becoming this kind of dark is what's drawing blind fanatics who hold it up as one of their secular religious texts and Monty as one of their patron saints, with the other works and writers being their other texts and prophets respectively

"It's awesome because its tragic and well-earned happy endings are bad"

One wonders how Inuyasha, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Harry Potter, The Star Wars Original Trilogy, or even Bram Stoker’s Dracula or Hammer's "The Devil Rides Out" would be received if they were made today and not back in the day.

Thanks for the ask and I hope my rambling isn’t confusing!

I definitely get where you’re coming from, and while I’m not familiar with Gen Urobuchi’s works I’ve seen the name enough to know there’s definitely a correlation there. I for one wasn’t necessarily upset with V3’s conclusion, but I was also much younger, didn’t have an attachment to Penny or Pyrrha like many did, and thought more would be done with the characters than what was accomplished. However, I recently did some research for my academics similar to this phenomena which I believe I can apply! However, I cannot say my explanation of it is the be all end all, because I cannot account for every RWBY fan who exhibits this behavior, so take it as you will haha.

There’s a certain pocket of literature/media that focuses on what’s referred to as the “Grimmdark,” I believe, and I’ve seen shows fall back into this phenomena of “everything must be hopeless and tragic, every victory must be pyrrhic,” and while that’s definitely a narrative you can go with, it’s spread to multiple fan bases and media over recent years. This narrative is an “infection,” since lots of social phenomena can be synonymous with an infecting trait. I compare it to Teresa Brennan’s “Transmission of Affect,” a huge study on social phenomena and how (and this is me paraphrasing) humans respond physically to social situations, meaning while the “process” is social and origin, its effects are “biological and physical,” which we can see with RWBY loyalists. They respond to the Grimmdark social infection and alter themselves (i.e. identification and physical response) to require this sort of social engagement. This altering of self is done unconsciously, and while I don’t want to get into the agency of self, the self is affected by environment, and the environment of the Grimmdark, as a result, directly influences the self. They are “infected” with the Grimmdark, and thus must engage with it. Now this isn’t bad, since the transmission of affect exists and works on all of us in many ways, but it can breed some negative results, and I think the RWBY fandom is one of them.

Now, to preface here, I’m not bashing Monty. I was still an avid fan when he passed, and I still look up to Monty to this day because of his talent and passion as an animator. But Monty… he wasn’t what I would call the best storyteller, because he was very impulsive. He would think of something, hot potato it to Miles and Kerry, and sometimes the additions would break canon a bit. Add this in with the transmission of affect which has already been in the works with the Grimmdark storytelling for some time, and it eventually attracts those “infected” by it, and as a result, breeds a toxic environment. It’s completely fine to like the Grimmdark and be, as I say, “infected” by it, but to allow this fascination with it to declare a subjective view of how storytelling should be as objective is the exact issue the fan base of RWBY has.

RWBY has fundamental writing flaws and thrown in ideas that aren’t implemented in such a way to flow coherently with the rest of the currently set narrative and world-building, and often breaks the canon that leaves the loyalists scrambling to pick up the splinters and create headcanons that allow the world-building to remain untarnished for them. This is what causes the disconnect, because those that cling to the Grimmdark as the objectively correct way to tell a story are not only trying to say it must be dark, but also the way it was written, aka the method in which we’ve gotten to this dark conclusion, is the way it must be. This is where the issue is, because they see criticism as an attack on the Grimmdark and not a critique of the writing mechanics utilized within the Grimmdark.

Subjective criticism is suddenly viewed as attacks on things that are objective. And this is one of the huge problems that many fanatics won’t understand they’re perpetuating, or simply don’t care that they are perpetuating this issue. The Grimmdark is fine, but the Grimmdark is not the be all end all of storytelling.

I could ramble more, but this is getting a bit lengthy. Essentially, yes, you’re right, they cannot allow someone to subjectively dislike it, because to them, there’s nothing subjective about it.

[2idiots]

Keep Yourself Alive

pt. 27 // pt. 28⚛ // pt. 29

NCT Frat Social Media AU // College Athlete & Fratboy Lucas x reader

Word count: 1872ish

Warning: a little angsty, mentions of chronic pain, insecurities, kinda cringey, also text pictures meshed in with writing just a heads up

It’s not that you weren’t interested in all the hell week practices that coach planned for the swim team, in fact you were fascinated by the sets your old coach was giving out.  In fact you didn’t want to be in this dark room away from everyone else out in the living room drinking, playing games, and eating all the food Johnny has painstakingly prepared. You wanted to be out there getting drunk on two cups of eggnog like Hyunjin, the friend you just barely met before leaving the swim team. But for the first time since deciding to fly across the world for college with your best friend you had to dip out of your Christmas tradition. Sure it wasn't intentional but that didn't stop the tearing feeling in the pit of your chest from blooming. You may have felt horrible physically but the mental strain of not being able to be out there performing your best attempt at normal for something that was so important was that much worse. 

Were those tears wetting your cheeks? No. Those were allergies, you couldn’t be crying. Who knew pollen was so bad in the winter?

The seconds had turned into minutes and 15 minutes later you were still laying on Johnny’s bed in the dark, feeling like someone sucker punched your heart, and other parts, curled into his sheets with only the harsh light emitting from your phone screen. You had taken one of the pain meds the doctor gave you but it had yet to kick in. You should've taken it sooner, if anyone knew your body it was you and you knew you should've take it earlier, then you could stand out there and attempt normal alongside your friends. But somewhere deep down you were hoping that maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t need some painkiller to go about mingling. Yu were wrong and now you were reaping the consequences of that decision. 

But above all else, you were worried that Lucas would show up at the party while you were holed away in the fetal position in your best friend’s bed. Stupid, right? Here you were, organs cementing themselves together, and yet all you could think about was some boy you had only known for a few months. But if he showed up you knew somehow you were going to have to explain yourself, something you had been dreading since night one.

Lucas had already texted you to tell you he was running a little bit late so you had a bit of time to figure something out or get out but that was nearly 30 minutes ago; he could only be so far behind. Any minute he was bound to be walking through Johnny and Mark's front door with one of his dopey grins, scanning the room for the person who invited him and coming up empty handed.

Wow you were the worst host of all time. At least Chan and Hyunjin had each other but Lucas was on his own. Here without a host. Sure he could visit with Jaehyun or Ten but they had obviously come without him for some reason considering they all lived together.

God hold it together! If you could take exams with your survival brain activated then you could handle one boy. Too much anxiety and your brain was jumping from conclusion to conclusion, problem to problem. Organs cementing together: check. Composure melting: check.

Three sharp knocks jolted you out of your downward spiral, followed by a soft voice, “Y/n can I come in?” The soft voice that had been at the root of your anxiety. 

Wow, who knew blood pressure could skyrocket that high? 

“Y/n?” The question was followed by a quick ping from your phone. Quietly, wiping the few stray tears off your cheek, you looked back to the harsh screen. 

It only took a few moments for the door to slowly creak open, the glow from all the Christmas lights in the living room casting a soft light across Johnny's bed. In that time you managed to suck in a few deep breaths and zip up your pants, wearing jeans with this bloat was not a good idea.

He was quiet, sinking into the other half of the bed while you laying on the other side facing away. Too quiet. The silence was making you nervous.

Then there was another ping at your phone. Sending a vibration through your hand: what was he doing?

You let out a bleat of laughter, what was he doing?

There was another moment of uncomfortable silence, you smiling into your phone screen as he tried to find more ways to make you laugh again, before he finally asked, out loud this time: "Is it your thingy?" His voice wasn't too far from yours and you could tell he was still sitting from the dip in the mattress.

"My thingy?"

"You know that thing you had surgery for? Does it hurt?"

You flipped over to look at him, even though you could barely see him with the dim lighting, the only glow coming from the cracks under the door and between the curtains. "You mean my appendix? Did you already forget everything I taught you?" You laughed with a soft smile that you hoped he could hear in your tone. 

In the darkness, his eyes search the room for yours landing only on your blurry dark outline. "Yeah your aerobics."

"Appendix." You corrected, another smile cracking through your self-wallowing.

There were two ways this could go over. You could lie, say it is the appendix that in all honesty hadn't hurt much since you got it out, the doctor said something about a high pain tolerance, or you could tell the truth and face the thing you have been dreading most since spending more time with him. He deserved the truth.

"Um not quite," your tone was hesitant and slow, though it wasn't him bolting you were afraid of it, it was you. "I uh, I am in pain right now. Actually, um, I’m in pain a lot of the time." You felt a hot tear slip down your cheek, dammit not again. "And it's uh, it's why I ran away from you on Halloween and, um, it's why I have to cancel a lot of our plans."

He was quiet across from you but you could feel his hand searching across the blankets for something, maybe yours?

"I'm so sorry. You came for a Christmas party and I'm crying to you in my best friend's bed." Wow what a catch. "If you wanna leave it's ok, I understand."

"Nah, I think I'll just chill in here with you," he laid down next to you, finally finding your hand and fitting it into his. "And anyway Mark is out there yelling about a journalist turned babysitter turned tutor turned princess teaching a prince about quote true christmas spirit, so I'd rather be in here." 

"That's an iconic Christmas movie, watch your words Yukhei." You chastised playfully, wiping away your tears with the back of your hand. The warmth from his hand was eating away at some of the anxiety, though you were still trembling.

"Ah yeah, did I say boring, I meant super interesting and exciting," he grinned, replacing your hand with his own to wipe your tears. What the hell? "Watching anything with you is exciting." When did he get this smooth?

"Yeah whatever. I know for a fact you fell asleep in Mathilda too." As cheesy as he was, this tall star basketball player was making your heart race so fast it felt like it was about to escape from your chest.

"Hey I came from practice, it's not my fault coach took all our energy!" 

You swatted playfully at him as the conversation lulled, because despite the laughter and his hand, all those negative thoughts were still swirling around in the back of your head eager to rear their face. Muttering, almost too soft for him to hear you choked out, "I'm sorry I can't be what you want."

"What? Who told you that?" He rolled over to face you, even though he couldn't see you all that clearly. "I've been trying to tell you for weeks now that I like you. If only you didn't change the subject right away. Y/n I like you. I like you a lot. Honestly I liked you that first night at Halloween when you were rambling about the night sky and all your dreams. I didn't expect to actually talk to someone at that party but then there you were on the couch, critiquing Doyoung’s music but also dancing to it and enjoying yourself?"

A blush spread through your cheeks and down your neck, leaving fire in its path. "Oh God, I was really high on halloween and a little drunk. I hope I wasn't too harsh on the critiques, though I should’ve known it was Doyoung. The music was pretty run of the mill. I mean Ariana Grande remixes? Seriously, what kind of party is that?" They're was a long pause that you felt the need to cover up with a quick justification "that wasn't a rhetorical--" 

"--can I kiss you?"

He was facing you, you could tell by his soft breath and how he seemed to fold into you. "Why?" Good god if your friends could hear you right now evading again, they would smack you.

"Because I like you!" When you tried to protest, he just tutted and repeated, "I like you, even if you are in pain."

Oh that's why you were so nervous, hearing that. Also you could feel the soft outline of his lips lightly brushing yours, combine that with the fact that the tether to your pain seemed to be loosening up as the painkillers kicked in. You would never feel perfect but this did give you enough of a confidence boost to close the gap, kissing him like your very life depended on it. This boy, those lips, these feelings; they would be the death of you. 

Pulling away to catch your breath, unable to form the words you wanted too, you knew you weren't done explaining yourself. There was more to your pain, more to apologize for how you let your fear dictate your time with him. "I need to tell you first, when I say I'm in pain I don't mean like some achy broad pain. I ran away on Halloween because a lot of the time sex hurts and my high was fading and I knew I couldn't stay. It was already a bad decision but I just wanted to feel like a regular kid and you were so nice, a little dopey with that fake blonde wig but still really hot. What I'm trying to say is: it's not just my head or my stomach,  it's those parts too. The parts that we started with. And those are important to people. And I like you, I like you so much but I'm not some normal girl. There are going to be days when I can't leave the bed or can't go out with you or be, um, intimate with you and there might be a lot of those days. I have some baggage that's a little more physical so if you wanna bolt I get it. You probably want someone who can do everything you want, so this is me showing you the door." You made a broad gesture to sweep to the door. These were your fears laying out for him to see if he looked close enough. Maybe you weren't enough for him or anyone for that matter. 

"Nah, I think I'll stay here. Maybe I can ask Johnny if he's got Mathilda around here so I can finally watch it all."

Keep Yourself Alive

pt. 27 // pt. 28⚛ // pt. 29

NCT Frat Social Media AU // College Athlete & Fratboy Lucas x reader

summary: College is hard enough, right? Coursework, two jobs, a social life, and the state of your mental health. As if that was enough now the school’s no.1 athlete won’t leave you alone after a one night stand. And maybe you like him back but you have a tendency to run when life gets too difficult especially now that undiagnosed chronic pain just seems to be getting worse with each passing month.

(I am not to happy with this chapter so I might come back and edit and revise. It just feels too gloom and doom for me. Let me know what you think. That’s for waiting for the update! And thanks for reading. There is only like one or two more actual chapters and then an epilogue.)

Taglist: @princeofshenzhenuwus @hannahdinse8 @wongassride ​ @cowward @sakura-uji

[love-can-be-as-cold-as-grave]

Chapter 31- Resurrection

Quinton hung his head, letting out a deep sigh before rubbing his hands over his face. The silence making Livs breathing erratic as she fought back tears, watching him digest what she had told him from the edge of the bed.

He looked up with tired and defeated eyes. "Something’s been different about you Liv, and I couldn't really figure it out before, but I think I have an idea now. I'm only going to ask you this once, do you love him?"

She turned away from him, shaking her head, teeth biting down on her bottom lip. "I, I don't know." Her stomach twisted with anxiety as she turned back to see his reaction.

His face was blank, emotionless. "Liv, what kind of an answer is that? Either you do or you don't."

Her vision blurred with tears and she took a seat across the room. "It's complicated. He was my first love. I admit, we shouldn't have stayed in contact but I don't think love is there. That kiss was just, it was left over…" She struggled trying to find the words. "It was left over... I didn't think about it, my body just did it." She was rambling.

He looked into her eyes from across the room with pleading, face still full of composure. "Do you love me."

She blurted out the words before she could censor herself. "I don't know." She clasped her hand over her mouth. Why did I say that? Is that how I really feel?

He stood up silently and walked over to the closet, pulling out his small suitcase, and began tossing clothes in to it.

Liv stood, "What are you doing?"

He didn't turn as he answered her, haphazardly stuffing more of his clothes in to the black suitcase. "I'm moving out Liv.”

She shook her head, unable to really grasp what he was saying. "No, no…" She crossed the room, wanting to wrap her arms around him from behind, but hesitating.

"Liv it's not just the kiss. You haven’t seen yourself. You’re still in love with him and I, I’m just the new boyfriend in the way of that.” He roughly zipped up the suitcase and turned around to face her, expression stony.

He’s wrong. That isn’t true. “No you aren’t.” Her voice faded with defeat. His mind was made up, and there was nothing she could say or do to change that, or at least, she’d lost the will to fight him.

She watched as he silently rolled the suitcase, throwing his travel bag over his shoulder, and walked out the front door.

I should have said more.

But he, he was so cold. Why didn’t he yell or scream, why didn’t he plead with me to make up my mind, or fight for me.

She pulled out a chair at the small kitchen table and sat down in stunned silence by how quickly things had escalated, and how emotionless Quinton seemed to be.

What did he see in me? How have I acted in any way, shape, or form to make him think that I still have feelings for Ville?

******

[November 3rd, 2017, Dallas, Texas]

He smiled to himself as he stepped into the shop, the smell of used records perfuming around him as the entrance bell rang. It was a small two story establishment, with rows and rows of new or used records neatly categorized. Posters and other music memorabilia hung from the walls. The shop was all but empty but for a young couple and older gentleman meandering through the aisles.

After the show, unable to stand the cramped tour bus, and not feeling like a dose of caffeine, Ville had searched up local record shops and quickly made his way by foot to the one open the latest. He only had half an hour before it closed at 12AM. Laying in bed in the moments between the comfort of a bed and sleep, or sitting in a quiet corner with a coffee, those moments when his mind should have been at ease were in fact the opposite. It was something about the calm that plunged his mind in to reminiscence, and he could not for the life of him rid himself of the feeling of her soft lips, of the taste of her sweet breath, of the sound of her laboured breathing, of the smell of her fragrant perfume mingled with the bitterness of cigarette smoke, but pervasive of all was the horror he had seen in her eyes as she’d realized what she had done.

He shook himself of the thoughts and walked up to the nearest section and began flipping through records, happy to have a distraction, enjoying the sensation of the worn plastic slips between his fingers and the 70’s punk music playing in the background.

He sighed, pausing his flipping as he approached the ‘D’ section, and pulled out his cellphone from his back pocket. He flipped past a few texts and opened up his email, scrolling until he came to Liv’s email, the one he hadn’t responded to yet.

He’d loved their correspondence, hearing updates on her career, telling her about life in Hells, and learning her opinions as they critiqued their weekly reads. He’d eased in to a comfortable fallacy so much so that when she’d kissed him he realized that the feelings he’d imagined as friendship borne from the final closure of their love, had really been a resurrection of feelings he’d thought had passed away long ago. That realization had scared him, and for once, he’d thought about things with some rationality. Instead of jumping in to the same declarations of love he had made to her three years ago in his tower, he’d thought about what reconciliation would even mean, if it were in fact possible given she was with Quinton. After much reflection laying awake in his bunk his thoughts always ended at the same place, that he needed to let her go. He’d been wrong to tell her the kiss didn’t have to change things, because it did, the moment it happened, and he’d been carrying on emailing her knowing he had to stop, knowing he had to cut communication lest he fall for her even more than he already was.

The pit of his stomach hurt as he put the phone away, unable to even think of the email he needed to send, let alone begin to write the words. He moved along to the other side of the aisle, reading out the artist names in his head. He only made it to 'J' when he was approached by the young woman who'd been standing at the front counter earlier.

"Hi there, sorry to bother you but I've got to close up soon, can I ring up what you've got there?" She pointed at a small bundle of records tucked under his arm.

He smiled, a little embarrassed, "Of course, I'm sorry for keeping you." He handed the stack to the woman and followed as she led him to the front counter. He perused the small knick knacks at the desk, trying to figure out how he'd safely transport the records back home when he spotted a November edition of Metal Hammer tucked away among other music related magazines. "Do you keep older editions by any chance?" He asked out of some inner impulse.

She finished scanning the last of his records, "We do yeah. I can quickly run to the back and see if we've got what you're looking for. What year and month?"

"April of this year please." He'd already read the particular issue, quite thoroughly, but he wanted to read it again. Masochist, he said to himself as the woman ducked in to the back of the shop out of sight. 

He pulled out his phone again, swiping the screen and seeing the email light up. They hadn't picked up emailing right away after seeing each other in Anaheim, and only awkward small talk since then. The email Ville hadn't responded to was one where Liv suggested they read "Persuasion" next, one of her favorites.

The employee returned and he quickly stuffed his phone back in to his pocket. The magazine was scanned, put in a bag with the records, the bundle paid for, and the door locked behind him as Ville stepped out on to the quiet midnight.

Walking until he was under the nearest streetlight he lit himself a cigarette and pulled out the magazine. He looked into his own eyes, the cover headline read "Farewell to Love Metal: A Tribute to H.I.M.", he stood snarling at the camera, Mige and Kosmo grimacing from behind each of his shoulders, Linde to the left of him glaring, and Burton to the right, his face a mask behind sunglasses. A small smirk played on his lips as he let out swirls of smoke that danced in the spotlight, Liv had been unhappy with their expressions so she'd asked them to imagine they were wolves. At the time they thought it was silly, but the final result was great.

He flipped through the magazine until he came to the eight page spread on the band. Larger staged shots were interspersed with more candid ones of them laughing, playing chess, reading, and drinking. Next to these was her article.

"I'm sitting in a small cabin in the middle of Lapland with the world's five most famous Finns. Why are they famous you ask? Is it because they coined the term Love Metal? Is it because their relationship with Bam Margera of Jackass fame? Is it because the heartagram is a world recognized symbol? Or is it because their music, a unique mix of Depeche Mode-like beats, horror inspired chords, heartbreaking ballads, and Poe-etic lyrics has become the melody of not just a generation but of new fans discovering the unique discography every day? With a history lasting almost thirty years, and eight records under their belt, 2017 will mark the final year of the bands extraordinary career."

He had never read her writing before seeing the article, he hadn't even known her capabilities, but her ability to tell the conclusion to the bands long story, framed by the few days she'd spent reconnecting with them had touched his heart. He'd gotten a copy of the article framed and hung up in the studio in his new home.

Ville continued flipping until he came to what he'd been looking for. He took a drag and held the page closer, folding back the other half of the magazine.

The final page was a small spread on Liv herself. Front and centre was a candid shot taken by Sirii as she'd prepped the guys out in the snow, her back was to the camera as she adjusted Ville's hair. He remembered the moment, the guys goofing around beside him, the freezing cold, the sense of relief still lingering in his heart after his talk with Liv the night before, the stern words she snapped at them as she played with the curls sticking out of his beanie. He remembered looking in to her big eyes, still amazed at the change he had seen there. The photograph depicted that moment so perfectly, every aspect, especially the look of pure adoration he had unknowingly given her.

He let out a jagged breath and pulled his eyes away to a smaller photo of her, she flashed an embarrassed smile as Sirii caught her in the midst of changing the lens on her camera, ridiculously puffy coat eating her up, her cheeks a bright red from the cold, long hair in a messy bun. Below the photo was a blurb she'd written about herself and her relationship with the band. She'd asked his permission regarding a certain section before sending in her drafts and he'd obliged.

"A lot of people have speculated about how my career began, and with my connection to Ville Valo. The simple truth is that he believed in my photography, the whole band did, but what grew from a working relationship was a first love. Maybe I was a little young and naive, but what we had, although brief, was very much real and burned with the heat of six hundred and sixty six suns. I am honoured to attribute my career and foray in to love to an incredibly talented, passionate, and caring man who I can now count as a dear friend."

He wished he'd had the courage to say it, both in the past and present. He wished he hadn't been ashamed then, and that he would have admitted it now. I'd scream it from the damn rooftops, I'd stand outside her window with a boombox like some love sick idiot. I wish I'd told the world I'd loved her. His hands gripped the magazine tighter, I was such a fool then. 

Friends.

That's what we are now, she said it, I said it, it's right there on the page. But it's not possible, not now, maybe in time, but I need space. Maintaining this friendship would only mean feeding the hungry monster within me morsels of the actual whole it desires but can never have. That kiss awoke something in me that I need to lay to rest, again.

From: villevalomuusikko@hotmail.fi

To: livmanningphotography@gmail.com

Subject: I hope this email finds you well

Dearest Liv,

Firstly, my apologies for the formality of this email, you cannot write something of this nature with short sentences and text language.

Secondly, I would love to read Persuasion with you and to learn why the work has a special place in your heart,

But, thirdly, I do not think this is a good idea. Although I'm so happy we were able to frankly reflect on the past back in March, and that we've come to have a friendship of sorts, it seems that I am not ready for this. I hope you can understand that some wounds require a little more time to heal, and I suppose I was a little hasty in so readily offering my friendship. I need some time and space to reflect, on what, I'm not entirely sure. I would hope you of all people would understand why I need to do this however.

Forget me for the moment, focus on work, family, and Quinton. 

Warmest regards little red,

Ville Valo

******

[November 19th, 2017, Los Angeles]

She quietly crept out of the girls’ room and turned off their lights, pausing in the doorway to spare a glance at the sleeping children. She gently closed the door, keeping it open a crack and returned to the kitchen. She found Marcus still wearing the stained apron from when he made lunch for the girls, now whipping up a salad for himself and Liv.

“They have been read to, they have been tucked in, and they are now fast asleep.” Liv smiled, sitting down at a counter stool. Marcus passed her a bowl and fork. “Now I don’t want to call myself the greatest aunt ever, but, I’m the greatest aunt ever.”

Marcus rolled his eyes as he tossed the salad, “You haven’t even dealt with half the stress involved, no, a quarter! But yes, you are a wonderful aunt.” He filled Livs bowl and then his own, leaning against the counter across from her, holding the food in his hand. “So what brings you by?” He asked, spearing a cherry tomato.

Liv fixed her gaze upon the greens in front of her, moving the salad around absentmindedly with her fork. “Weeeell, to put it shortly, I need some friend time and some advice.” Marcus kept his mouth shut, wanting her to go on. She looked up, letting out a sigh. She'd learned to become so much more open with people, but it was still difficult nonetheless. Before she could begin to speak her eyes began to fill with tears. "So I know I should have told you earlier but uh Quinton left me last month."

Marcus put his food down. "Last month? And you're telling me this now?" He shook his head, "I'm sorry that's not important." He leaned across the counter. "What happened?"

She looked up, trying not to blink, trying to keep the tears from slipping out, and trying to contain the emotions she'd been bottling since he'd left. "I kissed Ville and I was trying to do the right thing and I told Quinton but he asked me if I loved Ville and if I loved him." She grabbed a tissue from the box that Marcus scooted towards her on the counter.

"What did you say? Wait no, back up. Tell me about this kiss." His eyes grew wide with curiosity.

She began to calm down, the relief of telling someone her woes easing her heart. "It was after that show in Anaheim. I don't know why I did it. And Quinton seems to think I still love Ville."

Marcus crossed his arms, "Well do you?"

She'd been asking herself the same question ever since Quinton had left. "I honestly don't know. What I do know though is that Ville told me he needs space, that he's not ready for a friendship yet." His email had stung, not because she had blamed her kiss, not because she knew those words were coming, but because he had been right. She knew, she knew exactly what he was feeling, and he was right to put distance between them. At Least he'd had the decency to speak openly to her about it, instead of taking the cowards way out as she had done, sneaking out of his tower that morning long ago.

"Do you think he has feelings for you?" Marcus asked as he watched the emotions play across Livs face.

"I'm not sure, I can't be sure, maybe what I saw there is just leftover feelings, but I think if anything that doesn't matter. He doesn't want feelings if he's got em, he wants space." She let out a heavy sigh, "Marcus I, I don't know what I want anymore."

He leaned forward across the counter, clasping her hands in his own. "Liv, Ville was your first love, it's okay to be confused, and it's okay to still have feelings for him."

She shook her head, "It's not that easy to feel that Marcus, not after I've already mourned what we had, not after I've put it all behind me." She looked away, biting her bottom lip. "But, I, I can't explain it, back when I ran from him in Hells I, I knew in the pit of my stomach I couldn't do it again, but I just don't feel that now. It's not the same this time." She ran a hand through her hair, trying to put into words all the jumbled thoughts she'd been having. "It's like, it's like it hurts that we've taken a step back, that he thinks it's not a good idea, but I've done the same, I've felt the same. I just don't know what I want, but who cares what I want if we're not in the same place, if I'm even in that place…" She bawled her hands up into fists with resolution, “Even if I did feel something, it doesn’t matter, we had our chance and it’s done, it’s finished.”

Marcus let go of her hands. "There is nothing I can say that will magically help you figure out what you want, but I think you’re fair to be hesitant, to be cautious of your feelings. Whatever you feel you don’t have to follow, you can overcome, like you’ve done before. Just give him and yourself time."

Marcus always had a way of organizing the chaos in her mind, focusing her thoughts, and making her feel like whatever she was feeling was valid. Liv loved him for it.

She nodded silently and got up, going around the counter and giving Marcus a hug. "I'm going to give myself some time to think. The time off I'm taking to visit my grandpa and dad for the holidays will do me good, I'll have more head space." She let go of him, wiping the last remnants of her tears, "Work has just got my brain so overloaded with times, lenses, figures, contacts blah blah." She shot him a half smile as she sat back down.

She watched as Marcus picked up his food once again, a thought clearly rolling around in his mind. "Liv, did you love Quinton?"

At least that, she'd realized the answer to.

She shook her head. "No."

******

[December 23, 2017, Brooklyn]

"Now Liv, I love you honey, but I can't tell if this alfredo is terrible because you cooked it, or because it's vegan." Livs dad dropped his fork back on to the plate, giving her an apologetic smile as her grandpa began snickering from across the table.

Liv stood, narrowing her eyes at him, "You all should be happy I even attempted to cook for you!" She reached for his half eaten plate but he quickly pulled it back and stuffed the rest of the alfredo in his mouth, smiling back at her with his full mouth.

She slumped back in to her seat, crossing her arms.

"Don't listen to him dear," her grandpa smiled, clearly squishing the noodles to one side of the plate to make it look as if he'd eaten more than he really had, "it was a uh unique dish. We appreciate the healthy cooking."

"Does this mean you guys aren't going to let me attempt Christmas dinner?" She took a bite from her own plate. Tastes fine to me.

They both burst out laughing, her father speaking up between chuckles, "No honey, we're not. You can make the cranberry sauce though!"

Her grandfather nodded with amused approval.

She glared from one to the other jokingly, "but we already bought the cans?"

Her father grabbed his plate and got up to put it away, "Exactly, just need to open those bad boys up and tada, you made cranberry sauce!"

"Right" Liv murmured under her breath.

Her grandfather got up quickly and scurried away with his barely eaten plate.

Liv's father reappeared in the dining room doorway, "Did you want to take those pictures of my Harley for me today?"

She took her last bite and got up, "Sure, it's just in the garage right?"

He nodded. She quickly washed her plate, grabbed the camera in her room and found her father in the packed garage, the garage door open and the last shimmers of a winter sun shining upon a very imposing black motorcycle. 

"So this is betsy eh?" She asked, slipping the cap off the camera and dropping it in her back pocket, walking a circle around the impressive piece of machinery.

He nodded, a proud smile on his lips as he began to wheel the bike out to the driveway. "Funny enough, the best part about owning this beauty is that Joan said she'd come on rides with me."

Her father had met Joan a few months ago when he'd had to go to the hospital with her grandpa for some irregular heart palpitations he was having. She was the nurse helping him. She was a kind woman of 45 with voluminous honey hair and a curvy frame. Liv had only met her once, but she could tell that this one was going to last.

Once her dad had posed the bike the way he'd wanted Liv began searching for the right angle, doing a few tester shots before crouching down and taking more photos. 

Suddenly familiar musical notes began playing from her back pocket. Liv set the camera down on the motorcycles cushy leather seat and checked the caller ID. It was Bam. She beamed at the phone, knowing exactly why he must be calling.

"So?" She answered with giddiness.

"IT'S A HEALTHY BOY. WE'VE GOT A BOY. I'VE GOT A SON!" He sounded both euphoric and exhausted.

Liv chuckled, "What's his name? How is Nikki holding up?"

"Phoenix Wolf! Man Liv, he's got the biggest eyes! And Nikki! I can't believe she did that! She's resting now with the babe but dammit Liv, that was one of the craziest experiences of my life."

She paced around the driveway, cheeks hurting from her smile. "Bam I am so happy to hear that. I'm so happy for you and Nikki, and I can't wait to meet little Phoenix Wolf."

"You're in the area right? Why don't you stop by after Christmas? The place is a mess but we'd love to have you down!"

She'd thought about visiting when she'd made the plans to see her family, but knowing Bams baby was due around the same time, she hadn't wanted to impose. "Bam that would be wonderful. How does the 27th sound? I need to be flying back to LA on the 28th." What presents should I get the baby, she thought with delight.

"Perfect! I've got to go but I'll see you then!" 

Liv turned to her dad, putting the phone back into her pocket, "My friend just had a baby." She picked up the camera again with a happy sigh. 

"Oh that's wonderful. I heard you say Bam, is it that scruffy looking man who visited you after the hospital, the Jackass?" He began wheeling the bike back to the garage.

"It is yeah, he had a boy. Do you think you and pops would mind if I borrowed the car after Christmas to visit him in West Chester?"

"Are you off probation from your accident?" He asked, the voice of a father.

She nodded tucking the camera back in its bag, memory card in one hand, "Yeah, a while ago. I'll have the car back by the end of the day, and I will not touch a drop of alcohol, I won't even put on hand sanitizer." She crossed her heart, trying to lighten the mood. He was fair in asking, among the physical and emotional recovery from the accident she'd faced a severe fine and an impaired driving program she had to complete before her license would be restored.

"Should be fine then," he rubbed out a spot on the tank with the bottom of his T shirt. "Hey are you going to show me how to put these pictures up on my Facebook too?"

******

[December 27th, 2017]

She lowered the camera, smiling proudly to herself, “I think I’ve got quite enough now.” Liv let out a soft chuckle as she began capping the camera.

Before her stood Bam, Nikki, and their infant son, posing in Bams living room in front of his enormous chrome heartagram. Bam dressed in a black T-shirt and tattered jeans, Nikki in a long-sleeved purple, body hugging dress, and their little boy in a Jackass T shirt.

Nikki sighed with relief, “Thank god, my tits feel like they’re going to burst, I have to either try feeding him or pump. I’ll be right back.” She scurried off. During the short shoot Liv could tell she’d gotten uncomfortable near the end.

Bam plopped down in a nearby chair, contentment in his eyes, “Thanks for doing this. I know you work yourself to death with that thing,” he pointed a ringed finger at the camera in her hands, “but we had to ask the best.” 

Liv sat down opposite him, a smile on her lips. She’d enjoyed watching him all day as she shot candids of his little family as they all hung out. It was like he was a changed man, and although he’d been having recent struggles with sobriety, he was being such an attentive and doting father. His smiles were touching his eyes. He genuinely seemed happy. “Oh it’s nothing, plus you guys made me breakfast this morning. And, I also was wondering if I could use a few of these shots, if it was alright with you?” She’d been all too happy to oblige Bam’s request, but admittedly she’d had another motive for agreeing so readily to be the family's personal photographer for the day.

He raised a brow, “What for?”

She’d been wanting to do another passion project for some time and exhibit her work again, but wanted to do something less abstract, more real. “I’ve got this idea for my next project. I want it to be a celebration of family, my family, the family I was given, and the family I’ve made. I’ve come to really appreciate the people in my life, I mean, I did before obviously, but nowadays I’ve really been thinking about the people that have helped me get to where I am today, and I want to thank them.” She looked down at the camera in her hands, then back up at Bam, “I count you among those people Bam, you helped with my career, but you also really helped ground me after my accident, even when you were dealing with your own shit, I’ll never forget that.”

He blushed, “Weeeeell shit, that means a lot.” He fiddled with the rings on his fingers. “Who else do you plan on photographing?”

She slipped the camera in to its bag. “My family of course, I’ve already got shots of my dad working on his Harley and my grandpa tending to his tomato garden. My friend Marcus, I imagine a shot of him in his home office but decked out in all his metal loving glory. John McMurtrie, in the middle of a photoshoot. Kat, maybe at a makeup launch. My work partner Sirii, by some Finnish monument. And uh, I’d love to actually get a shot too of Ville and the guys at Helldone this New Years. It seems oddly fitting, it being their last show ever, and Ville basically kick starting this whole crazy path my life took..”

Bam gave her a skeptical voice, picking up on her hesitation at the end, “Buuut?”

She sighed, “Buuut Helldone is a few days away and I’m not sure if I can make it” That and the man I may or may not love, who will very much be there, currently does not want to have anything to do with me.

She could tell by his expression that he knew she was holding back all the details, but he didn’t have a chance to say anything as Nikki came back, the baby fast asleep in her arms.

Liv stood, slinging the camera back over her shoulder, "I should head on back to my grandpas before it starts getting dark." She gave Nikki a hug and gently ran her hand over the soft hairs of the sleeping infants head before turning to Bam who still had a look of wanting to press her further.

"Bam I don't need you to tell me I'm a coward anymore, I'm well aware," she gave a small chuckle and opened her arms, "Now give me a hug so I can leave you guys to rest, and so I don't get lost making my way back."

He rolled his eyes with a smirk and gave her a warm hug. They walked her to the car parked out front of the large property. The air was crisp, below freezing. 

"Have a good New Years!" Liv waved before the pair disappeared into the large home. She cranked the heat, putting in her grandfather's address into a GPS as she waited for the windows to clear up from the sudden change in temperature. Funny, she thought as she inspected the route laid out on the GPS, it's not the same way back as coming here. She shrugged and pulled out of the driveway, putting on an old Pearl Jam album she found in the glovebox.

She let her mind drift as she drove, singing along to the album here and there, watching the suburban neighborhoods and woodlands pass her by, giving way to more urban areas, and then again to more secluded stretches of road.

She thought about her photography project along the way, the stylistic elements she’d like to incorporate, how she’d get everyone to pose naturally. She thought about Helldone, remembering Tavastia from when she shot the guys there, hoping the crowds would have the energy to make the final night go out with a bang. She thought about Ville, inevitably, imagining him chain smoking outside and then strutting out on stage, performing with his usual quirks like smiling to the guys behind him and holding the mic way too close to his mouth. Since his email he’d been on her mind a lot, as if the lid had been taken off and there was no longer a way to contain the thought of him.

It doesn’t matter, we’d just fall in to the same old toxicity. He’s right to want distance, he’s right to be scared. I am too.

She focused back on the road, knowing she’d soon back on more populated streets. Around her the road was fairly quiet, the trees on the forested stretch swaying in the icy winter winds.

Suddenly she spotted a street sign up ahead on the other side of the road, where the shoulder sloped down into an embankment. She almost slammed her foot on the break as the spark of recognition reverberated within her, her heart the epicentre. 

She checked behind her to see if cars were coming and quickly pulled over on to the side of the road, jumping out of the car in stunned silence, as she stared at the street sign. Clutching her coat closer around her she darted across the street. The air was freezing, as they day began to transition into twilight, the dying rays of the sun illuminating her path as she walked a few feet along the grass and decaying leaves of the shoulder until she found what she was looking for. 

On the edge of the road, about fifteen metres away down the embankment was a snapped tree, broken at the trunk from an impact. It was already covered with dead leaves and thriving moss, marking the passage of time. She let out a deep, shaky breath that turned to fog as it escaped her lips. It was the tree that had stopped her car from rolling further. The one that had saved her life.

She took a step forward, and then another, gripping onto the saplings around her she carefully made her way down the slope of the embankment, slipping a couple of times upon the wet leaves before stopping at the tree, it's broken trunk pointing down the slope, the stump still sticking tall with seedlings sprouting from it's rotting hull; new life borne of the remnants of tragedy.

She reached out a shaking hand towards the jagged edges of the stump where the snap had occurred, fingertip drawn to the sharp point like a Grimme princess.

Flashes of the accident began to assault her mind, the car spinning out as she veered to avoid the animal, the descent down the embankment, the weightlessness as the car rolled, and then the jarring jolt as it stopped, glass shattering around her, metal creaking and groaning as it was bent beneath the weight of itself.

She began to feel lightheaded, and so gripping on to the trunk she sat down on the damp earth, trying to compose herself as the memories continued.

The warm sensation of blood streaming down her face, as the night grew quiet but for the sound of hard rain falling upon the wreckage. She'd lost consciousness then only to wake up briefly, the night still dark around her aching body, she'd tried to open her mouth to scream but no sound would come out. She'd thought she'd known loneliness before, but it wasn't until that moment that she truly knew. She'd wanted to die, and to die with happy thoughts, and so amidst the distorted metal, sharp glass, pelting rain, agonized body, she'd recalled the comfort, security, warmth, and happiness she had felt the last time she had been in Villes arms. And then the world was black again, a fleeting consciousness only coming back to her as men in uniforms yelled while a bright flashlight was pointed at her face.

She pulled back the fabric of her shirt to look down at the faded white scar on her abdomen as if wanting to see the evidence of the accident, as if checking that the vivid memories were in fact real.

Would I have done it again, she asked herself, recalling the question she had posed to Ville beneath the Finnish night. Knowing what I know, the insecurities, the jealousy, the drinking, the sleeplessness, the heartache, the embarrassment, the shame, the loss. Would I have done it again?

Yes, yes I would, because the past was a path, without it all, without the lows, I wouldn't be able to do it now. I needed it. I needed all that pain, the pain from my moms death, from my fathers addition, from my own insecurities, and from him, I needed it to be who I am, and who I am is someone who works hard, who I am is someone who's overcome loss, who I am is someone who loves themselves. 

Who I am is someone ready to try again.

I can do it now. I can do it because time is linear, it pushes you forward, and trying again does not mean repeating the past. It couldn't, it wouldn't be possible. Those people don't exist anymore.

I don't know if he's ready, I hope he is, I really do, because if he could have the courage then to tell me he loved me, after everything that happened, then I can have the courage now.

"It's our time.." She whispered to herself before standing up and beginning scramble up the slope towards the car with urgency.

I loved him then, and I love him now.

******

She flew in to the house in a panic, slamming the door shut behind her and racing past the living room towards her bedroom.

Her father and grandpa looked at each other with confused worry before her father followed her. "What the hell is going on Liv? Are you alright? Did something happen?"

She was on her knees throwing clothes in her backpack. She turned, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Dad I, I know this sounds a little crazy, and I swear I'm alright, but I need to go to the airport, I've got to tell someone I love them." She shook her head a little, out of breath, knowing how silly she may look, but her mind was made up.

He leaned against the doorway and looked down at his worn leather watch, "uh honey, it's eight O clock, the airport is probably an hours drive, it's the dead of winter, are you sure you want to do this now?"

She stopped packing and turned to him, "Dad I, I've never been more sure of anything in my life, and for once, for once, I'm running towards something and not from it."

___________________________________________

ONE MORE CHAPTER TO GO <3

[latenightcinephile]

#880: ‘Monsoon Wedding’, dir. Mira Nair, 2001.

Content warning: Monsoon Wedding has a subplot featuring child sexual abuse.

After a string of films that have been watchable largely because of their historical context, we finally get back to Monsoon Wedding, which is affably watchable. This is the kind of film that can be enjoyed without getting into the details of cinema structure, or an in-depth discussion of feminist film critique. It wouldn’t be much fun if I just said ‘this is a good film’, though, so I’m going to develop that idea in a bit.

The film is also a slight break in tradition for director Mira Nair, who until this point had made films focused either on Indian characters as minority groups in other countries, or minority groups within India itself. To a certain degree one could argue that the women in this film are a marginalised group, but Monsoon Wedding spends most of its runtime facing down this proposition: women are not only the central characters here, but this film leads towards a surprisingly feel-good conclusion.

For most of the film, Nair follows the typical beats of the wedding romance/comedy that I was almost expecting would be subverted. The arranged marriage between Aditi (Vasundhara Das) and expat to Texas Hemant (Parvin Dabas) overcomes a standard obstacle to overcome, the family comes together after the expense and hassle of the wedding threatens to drive them apart, and there’s even a happy romance between Dubey (Vijay Raaz), the wedding planner, and Alice (Tillotama Shome), the family’s maid. All of these aspects, but especially the last one, almost give the film a Richard E. Grant quality, the typical message of love bringing everyone together. There are even token nods to queer sexuality (as is typical for Indian cinema, in the character of the younger brother, who loves dance and cooking).

As Gayatri Gopinath observes, however, any deviation from the heterosexual mode might actually be illusory. By pushing all the queer coding onto one character, Nair’s film creates a more rigid heterosexuality. It’s interesting that Varun (Ishaan Nair) is the only character who doesn’t get his subplot resolved. There are no fewer than four consummated relationships in this film, and the only queer-coded character gets pretty much erased from the film with no closure or even development.

I feel like I’m digging too deeply into this, and perhaps souring the film too much even for myself, but this type of development was common in many Indian productions until the early 2010s, and still lags behind today. The Indian wedding is a homosocial environment, while steadfastly refusing any acknowledgement of the potential erotic implications of that.

Is Nair out of her comfort zone with this film? The spectre of queer sexuality isn’t the only indication that there is something a little askew – there’s also the issue of child abuse, which rears its head in the character of Ria (Shefali Shah), who was molested by a relative and who suspects that this relative is grooming a younger girl for the same purpose. Ria confronts the family about this two-thirds of the way through the film, causing some ambiguity about whether the family will acknowledge this or allow Tej (the abuser) to remain as part of the festivities. After some soul-searching, the family rejects Tej, in order to render a happy conclusion.

This is where things get a little awkward on a critical level. Joshua Klein, writing for the list, describes this subplot as ‘somewhat contrived’, but doesn’t elaborate on how. If his problem is that it seems to come out of nowhere at the end of the second act, he’s clearly not paying attention: from the moment early on where Tej offers to pay for Ria’s education in the United States, it was pretty obvious what this subplot was leading to. If Klein’s problem is that the issue isn’t adequately dealt with in the film, though, I feel kind of compelled to agree. But that’s not a bad thing: introducing a social issue and resolving it neatly is a trope of romantic comedies (and here, once again, I was reminded of Richard E. Bloody Grant).

As ungainly as the subplot might be, it’s a neat encapsulation of what I took as the overall theme of the film: men thinking they know what’s best for women. Nair’s film rebels against this at almost every turn, whether with Aditi’s last-minute tryst with her ex, or Tej’s presumably predatory offer to pay for Ria’s education. The closest this film comes to an initially sympathetic male character is Dubey, who displays his love for Alice in the most romantic gesture in the film, but even then we have to witness a horde of Dubey’s underlings aggressively apologise to Alice – and even then, they don’t know exactly why they’re apologising.

That this film ends happily, then, feels like some sort of miracle. Klein might call parts of this film a contrivance, but Monsoon Wedding is rigorously bound by the tropes of genre, even where it puts forwards a decidedly feminist spin. Being filmed on digital video, it has the kind of low-quality charm that makes it feel like a familiar object of sentimental value – and the joy that it provides is palpable.

[tastethegrace]

Analyzing “Montero (Call Me By Your Name)”

I don’t often post things as they’re having their cultural moment.  However, this song by Lil Nas X, a rap/hip hop/pop artist, who is famous for his song “Old Town Road” a few years ago, has caused quite the stir.  On one side of the fence is the LGBTQ+ community, who touts this song as an anthem to the artist’s sexual identity.  On the other are the Christians, many of whom have posted warnings on social media, urging fellow believers to “wake up,” guard their children, and many calling down the name of Jesus against the Satanic imagery associated with it.  The music video for this song sees the artist depicted as Eve in the garden of Eden, being seduced by the serpent.  He is then on trial, then descends into hell, where he himself seduces the Devil.  The artist has also partnered with street wear brand MSCHF to produced what many are calling “Satan shoes.”  These shoes apparently have contain one drop of human blood in the soul, have a black and red color scheme with pentagrams painted on the soul and attached to the laces.  

So first off, the reason I’m writing this post is to critique the Christian reaction to this song and its associated media.  It’s important to understand this right off the bat, as I will not be analyzing this song on its artistic merits.  Instead, I will attempt to analyze the artist’s intent behind the imagery and symbolism he chooses to use.  

If there’s one thing that I have grown to understand, it’s that the American Church has a fundamental misunderstanding of how believers are to interact with culture.  We have been stuck in the same culture war for decades, with this idea that we must enforce our beliefs on others, affect change through politics and protests, and fear all that is antithetical to the Christian belief system.  This latter point is the most significant, and one that many of my Christian friends may dispute.  

Let me explain here.  In the age of social media, everyone judges and reacts quickly, posting their affirmations and protests for everyone to see without putting much thought into what they’re actually critiquing.  Sadly, the American Church, most of the time, has followed suit.  Rather than choosing a different way to interact with the world on social media, it has become a leading reactionary voice -- a more intense version of what already exists in the mainstream.  It has so become the case that the world looks on and mocks.

As a younger Christian, I went with the flow, just as everyone else did.  But as a I grew up, and especially in college, I learned the importance of questioning, of slowing down, of considering the ins and outs, the truths and lies present in our everyday world.  I believe this process gives insight into the presence of God in our everyday lives, presenting us with his truth and beauty, present even in the darkest of places.  It also gives us the ability to, like Jesus, call something what it actually is, diminishing its power, and responding to it with the importance/weight it deserves.

Now understanding this context and the process by which I will move forward, let’s talk about this song.  First of all, the lyrics explicitly discuss the artist’s encounters with one specific person, a male in this context.  There’s a couple of levels to this song.  The first, that many in the LGBTQ+ community point out, is that he says that his partner “lives in the dark,” while he himself “cannot pretend.”  This refers to the fact that his partner is a closeted gay man, while Lil Nas is out.  As for the rest of the lyrics here, Lil Nas discusses his attachment to this man and the sexual experiences he has and wants to have with him.  He mentions the use of drugs to illustrate a hellish environment.  On a deeper level, evidenced even more clearly in the music video, Lil Nas is using this situation as a metaphor to reach out to his former, closeted self.  

In the interest of digging for the truth, I would go one step further here.  While it is obvious that the artist wishes to affirm his former self and encourage a lifestyle that is honest, at the very least, he also confesses what he wants very clearly.  All of the explicit imagery here is true to his experience.  So what does he want?  He wants deep connection, intimate experiences, and he’s ultimately willing to go to “hell” to get it, even if his partner won’t come out.  

Why is it important to understand this?  Am I trying to affirm how Lil Nas gets what he wants?  No, but that’s also not the point.  Understanding the artist’s questions are just as important as understanding his answers; in my opinion, even more so.  In order to make any sort of true judgment of merit or integrity, either subjective or objective, it’s important to understand fully how the artist is coming to his conclusions.  

Moving on to the music video, I’m going to use an analysis posted by reddit user margarita_atwood, as she discusses much of I what I found myself.

Everyone is going to have an opinion on this video, whether that opinion is heavily in favor or disfavor...Later, I’ll talk about why the negative opinions about this video don’t really matter and actually play right into LNX’s plans.

Lil Nas as every character: Through the miracle of CGI, LNX plays every single character. Some people might interpret this as LNX making love to himself in some scenes, but I think it has more to do with the Jungian concept of the Shadow Self (explained some in this video). There’s definitely some interesting psychology behind LNX playing all the parts. He’s talking to himself, seducing himself, running from himself. And I don’t think it would have had the same impact if the main characters were played by anyone else. He’s definitely being a little narcissistic, which he winks at with his own face on a Narcissus flower (daffodil) that I’ll get to next...He also says in the intro: “Welcome to Montero”, which is both this fantasy land he is creating for us in the video, and introducing us to his real self, saying welcome to the real me.

Scene 1- Garden of Eden: In the first scene. We’ve got the temptation of Adam by the snake/Satan in the Garden of Eden story mixed with Greek classical architecture motifs (sans Eve, as LNX raps “If Eve ain’t in your garden/ You know that you can/ Call me when you want”). In the reaction video I mentioned earlier, LNX talks about how growing up gay in a black church (or any church for that matter) made him repress and feel ashamed about his budding sexuality as a young adult. So while the lyrics are explicit, all of the themes in the video are very pointed allegories about how he’s dealt with his sexuality. He runs away from his tempting snake-self, meanwhile running past a Lion King-esque Mufasa cloud featuring his fate/destiny, and Narcissus flowers AKA daffodils (in the Greek myth, daffodils grew where Narcissus drowned after staring at his own reflection for too long), only to be caught by his temptation in a scene that gives me a ton of Labyrinth vibes. After his literal fall with possible Paradise Lost references to this perceived “sin,” we nearly see his alien-snake-self fellate his Adam-self. Finally, we close in on a shot of Greek writing on a tree. Some people smarter than I were able to find out that this is an excerpt from Plato’s Symposium which reads: “So in the beginning when they were cut in two, they yearned for each other’s half.” Symposium is basically a bunch of Greek philosophers telling metaphorical campfire stories about love (let’s ignore once again problematic themes of statutory rape in some of this). The excerpt in the video in particular is a part where one of Plato’s students Aristophanes gives an account of the origin of soulmates. Originally people were joined as two people to make one whole person. In this story, there were male/male, female/female, and female/male pairings and the gods became jealous and split them in two. The Montero excerpt is explaining this splitting of soul mates where they’re doomed to long for their other halves to become whole for eternity. Lots of allegories there regarding LNX trying to seduce a possibly gay man who is still in the closet.

Scene 2- The gladiator’s Colosseum: LNX then is taken as a prisoner in chains to a Greek colosseum, also full of LNX judges in Marie Antoinette wigs and faceless LNX mob spectators. I believe his character in this scene is supposed to be a Ulysses-type as his pink, fur shawl he’s wearing has a ram’s head broach...the blue LNX jury sentences him to...jail, and he gets literally stoned to death... Ulysses-LNX presumably dies and his soul is being lifted up to the heavens. An angel awaits him above, with a lot of Creation of Adam motifs (which was also hinted at on LNX’s IG). But just before he reaches his guardian angel.... a stripper pole rises up from the earth...and he rides that b**** all the way to the seventh inner circle of h*** in some thigh-high boots, tricking all the way down.

Scene 3- Twerking on the devil: And now we get to the biggest scandal. LNX said to those of you who think gays deserve to go to hell, watch me go to hell and give Satan a lap dance....he’s one-upping the shock factor in each part. Think it’s scandalous to go down on myself? Just wait. There’s some trolling of Illuminati/Satanist conspiracy rumors in the motifs. Honestly, the purpose of this scene is that he knew religious types would try and metaphorically crucify him over the lyrics. So he said let me beat you to it. He’s trolling the religious hater that I’m sure made his life growing up a proverbial hell already. And hey, the more times they stream and react to the song out of anger, the more money he makes from their anger. And then he goes and pulls a mafia hit, killing Satan after seducing him, and taking his horns of braids and becoming the fallen angel...

While perhaps not stated the most eloquently, and obviously from a more approving light, the OP gives us some insight into the symbolism used in this video.  On first glance, the believer might gag at how biblical imagery is used and twisted here.  However, I would encourage that believer to be patient and consider for a moment a few things.

1. If we let our gut reaction to this imagery become our public reaction, we prove the artist’s perspective of believers correct in the eyes of the world.  

2. If we consider the symbols and imagery used, it is obvious that this piece was intricately planned by Lil Nas to suggest his conclusions through the subversion of cultural norms.  This is not a new technique by any means, and it is important to acknowledge this.

3. Remember that Lil Nas was raised in the church.  His use of biblical imagery is intentional here.  If you detect a hint of bitterness in the twists he uses, that’s because there is, and not without reason.

See, I think that if Jesus looked at this video and gave us his reaction, it would not be a warning to us to guard our hearts.  That’s common sense.  I think it would be sadness that Lil Nas has not experienced the true intimacy and connection that he so desires in a healthy context, but also that he would be so bitter as to use the imagery as a “F*** You!” to the church.  Granted, this is all speculative, but when I look at Jesus in the gospels, I never see Jesus trying to separate or isolate his disciples from sinners.  He sees right to the heart of why sinners sin, and urges his disciples by example and speech to have compassion.  It is the the Pharisees and teachers of the law who he preaches against, urging his disciples to guard their hearts against them.  

Finally, there’s the even bigger deal being made in Christian circles of the “Satan shoes.”  Let me set the record straight here.  This company put out “Jesus shoes” a couple of years ago that claimed to have holy water in its soles.  This was a stunt by the artist for the very purpose of causing controversy.  It was done out of anger.  The imagery only has power if we let it be something other than what it is.

I have seen so many people decrying the use of this imagery as an act of devil worship.  That’s not what this is.  Is Lil Nas believing a lie?  Most certainly, as all humans do every day.  But this should not be shocking.  We must look behind the symbols to what they’re really pointing to.

In conclusion, I felt that it was important to share my feelings on this, as the social media chatter is a prime example of how the American Church has lost its way.  However, on a more personal note, I have a lot of history and connection that helps me to deeply understand what’s happening in this song.  That drive for connection, that willingness to put myself in horrible places to find it, the feeling of dirtiness and the running away from it...and especially the now often used intimate metaphor “call me by your name,” referring to the book/move of that title...I’ve been there.  I even embraced it for a time.  So more than most, I am more inclined to have compassion on those who are in that place, even if they don’t see the fruitlessness of it.  The Lord has been good to me.  He was with me in that place, just as he is with me now.  It is important for all who call themselves Christians to remember that before we judge, we must seek empathy and compassion, fullness of understanding, and most of all, the heart and mind of Jesus himself.

[darereport426]

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3.4.3 — SPMP:

1st + Review

From all my recent research and considering the work that I was building up towards FMP prior to Term 3. I thought I’ll be able to fuse them together and propose a new way of communicating the idea. This is the pitch deck I presented and my findings after the tutorial.

The project is inspired from content from my dissertation, where I investigated how the bedroom is deeply rooted into the female identity since so much of our culture is cultivated there. After all, the patriarchy has domesticated us. Despite the physical limitations, we were still able to cultivate a rich culture and have a valuable experience, engaging with the wider world. This can be seen through the posters of on our walls and the records we collect, as an example. 

I also started thinking about the ways girl hood is documented formally in art forms. This is where I found Laura Greenfield’s photo book called “Girl Culture”. I felt this is a good touch point, because it offered an honest portrayal of what it means to be a girl. It’s raw and untailored. It has a documentary feel to it and offers a “just is” observational perspective. This is a rare find. I feel like the documentation of girl culture and femininity is always edited, sanitised and “perfected”. Whether in other photographic works or in films.

In addition, when girl culture is talked about; the focus is more or less on sexuality. It feels like a limited point of view. There is more to our formative years beyond this. During this period, we begin to like things and start forming our own tastes. In a way, we’re laying out foundations of identities then. For instance, it has been reported that our music tastes peak at 14 (New York Times Article: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/10/opinion/sunday/favorite-songs.html).

I would like to offer something different beyond this narrative and this is where “being a fan” comes in. Like I mentioned earlier, this feels like a rite of passage for girls, especially in a musical context. This is embodied the most in boybands; they are propped up by a predominantly female fanbase. In turn, making it a feminine space.

I also refined my investigation to the K-Pop scene, because they have a very specific fan culture and they pretty much pioneered boybands. I decided to focus BTS and their fanbase Army, since they capture the zeitgeist of this culture the most; they are the moment.

I would like to offer something different beyond this narrative and this is where “being a fan” comes in. Like I mentioned earlier, this feels like a rite of passage for girls, especially in a musical context. This is embodied the most in boybands; they are propped up by a predominantly female fanbase. In turn, making it a feminine space.

I also refined my investigation to the K-Pop scene, because they have a very specific fan culture and they pretty much pioneered boybands. I decided to focus BTS and their fanbase Army, since they capture the zeitgeist of this culture the most; they are the moment.

I looked how this looks like offline and online. Although its most evident in concert venues, the way they experience fandom is mainly in the comfort of their own bedrooms; making it a very specific branch of “bedroom culture”. This can be evidenced by the content they make and share with each other online. A good example of this are their own self made videos posted on TikTok.

With a simple scroll through the tags, you can see the love and fun shared. I feel like this perspective is not shown often in the mainstream lens or the general narrative, when female culture is talked about.

It was then natural for me to look into the interpersonal relationships built and caused by this culture. I found this article (see image above, featuring take aways) that perfectly encapsulates why fandom culture is special. Again, since its emotional impact and the positive effects it has on people is often undocumented or overlooked. This article was heartwarming to read and shows how special fandom could be. Its easy to do this since its so specifically female and intrinsically tied with emotions, which is often frowned upon generally by society.

I also wanted to investigate the theoretical side to this too. In my research, I realised that people had tried to put this phenomenon into some theoretical contexts, referencing sociology to marketing. There was a conference held in Kingston University, dedicated to BTS earlier in the year. I’ve listed the papers/talks that I found interesting, focused on fandom culture (see image).

I feel like there’s a useful conversation taking place about this. Through this discovery, I feel like I can add more to this and there’s an audience waiting for more content about this subject.

This made me think about a documentary that I watched recently called “The Last Dance”. It documents Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bull’s legacy as a sports team, especially at their prime in the 1997 Play Offs. I admired how the documentary protects their legacy and its told in such a loving lens. I feel like there hasn’t been anything like this for their feminine counterparts (boyband and fan culture). Especially considering how the crowds and screaming can be found in both cultures, except that the audience’s gender is different (for the large part).

As I’m distilling my findings and trying to find my own conclusions, I came across this important quote by Dr.Epps-Robertson. If we wait for others to tell this particular story on feminine fan culture, it may not be an accurate portrayal of what it truly is and a lot of it is going to be lost.

In fact, its already is. At present, the majority of the stories that documents feminine fan culture is very negative. Its is selective its in portrayal. It likes to dwell on the foul behaviour. Although there is some negatives that comes out of this culture (stalking, obsession etc), it is not the only aspect that is made up of. It’s only a small fraction of it. They miss out on the joyful things that can come out from fandom and the community formed by it (e.g. TikToks, mentioned earlier). For the large part, they are misunderstood because the people who are documenting this are outsiders to this culture. Middle aged men writings and musings about music for women and experiences by young women will never be accurate critique of the culture. It is not meant for them and they will never understand.

It also made me think about how female passion is portrayed differently. I feel like this is not far of how this masked under the guise of hysteria; a belief that has harmed women for a long time. The prosecution of women for having emotions are deeply embedded into our history. Unlike in the Michael Jordan documentary, male fans are portrayed as passionate. Fangirls, on the other hand, are portrayed as crazy and insane. However, both are just displaying passion.

With all of that in mind, I wanted to take the matter in my own hands and create a mini-documentary, recording feminine passion and culture around it through a boyband focus (BTS particularly). I wanted to be able to protect this experience and tell it accurately.

This project is to document a unique girl culture, through an understanding and loving lens. It hopes to be a wholesome depiction of what it means to love and positive bonds it cultivates. The project will be for girls, by girls. From one fan, to another.

Obviously, I need to re-think how documentary could be presented. Quarantine has limited my options. However, I began my research by looking into the traditional documentaries and see how I can subvert it after.

“I used to be normal” is an interesting example to look into because its follows an interview style. The story comes from directly from the fangirls themselves. It captures their enthusiasm and wholesomeness well. I may not have the luxury of being able to follow people’s journeys across the span of 4 years like in documentary, but I can still conduct interviews via webcam.

“Beyond Clueless” and “Romantic Comedy” are good examples too. They are both documentaries told through archive material. This is an ideal technique to use as I can just use original content by the band and construct the narrative using it. These can be easily found online. More so, I won’t be violating any copyright laws as long as I keep the clips less than 30 seconds.

That said, I really wanted to use the idea of “falling in love through the screen”… because I feel it encapsulates the experience perfectly; this is where fangirl culture begins and ends… you discover the band and their music through your screen, whether through the phone or the computer… and you fall in love with them gain when you take pictures of them in real life when you attend their cultures… also, it is reminiscent of how they share with their community (through TikTok, Twitter and other forms of social medias).

I want to use personal videos to portray the narrative, combined with archive material such as online videos and concert footage. Mimicking the way they hold their phones up in concerts.

I also want to crowd source some memorabilia too. Another type of imagery to compliment the archive footage.

I also like the idea of potentially using google maps to mimic the concert experience (e.g. going to the venue with friends).

REVIEW

Unfortunately, during the review, I discovered that the idea too big for the timeframe and the limitations of the project. Despite being able to rethink the way the documentary could be presented, its still too big, especially considering how short the timeframe (documentaries take a long time to make) and its risky to wait for interviewees. Also, it was flagged up the narrative isn’t quite clear yet - I need to decide what is the story I wanted to tell.

At first, I felt disappointed in the review since I poured a lot of time into my research and thought I was building something that was viable. However, through hindsight, it wasn’t the right idea for the project. After much thought, it was still too close to my original FMP idea and I think I would disappoint myself if I can’t execute it in a way I originally wanted to. I think it would be best to execute this on a later date, when I have the means to do so.

It’s time to reflect on this and see what else I could potentially work with.  

[post-itpenny]

Story Time

So I decided to go ahead and post this. Enjoy and please feel free to comment or critique.

One-shot

Genre- Suspense

Warnings- Pennywise, Lovecraft references   

You had moved to Derry about a month ago and there were still stacks of boxes by the door, you had yet to get that fish tank you promised yourself as a birthday gift, and you had yet to have a single day of work that you did not come home complaining about.

You promised yourself that when you moved there was no way in the world you would go back to retail, ever. And the idea of being a barista at a small coffee shop sounded charming.

Not so much.

“I said a soy latte! S-O-Y! Did you not hear that?” The woman shouted across the counter at you. Her makeup wasn’t blended and her hair was held by enough hairspray to warrant caution near open flame. She had walked in wearing a threadbare leopard print jacket and a scowl that warned you of trouble ahead.

Well your gut never steered you wrong before.

Her latte (which you did put soy in) sat untouched on the counter as you forced your best ‘customer- service’ smile. “Don’t worry ma’am! I actually did put soy in your latte but had forgotten to write it on the cup. That was my mistake but the coffee is exactly as you ordered.”

The woman narrowed her eyes at you. “Oh no I know how you people work. You think I can’t taste the difference but guess what? I’m lactose intolerant! So I take one sip of this and I’ll be suing you all from the hospital! What do you say to that?”

“I would say that as someone who also has milk allergies I totally understand why you are worried but I promise you that I really did put soy in the latte as you asked. If it would make you feel better ma’am I’ll be happy to make you a new cup.”

So you did, which she then demanded a refund saying she should have her coffee for free since you tried to poison her, to which the manager came out and for once defended you. Which lead to the woman throwing her latte on the ground and stomping out the door. Which lead to your manager ordering you to clean up the mess with a warning that next time it was coming out of your paycheck.

Thanks boss.

That afternoon you found your feet dragging you to the small park near the coffee shop. It was a quiet little place with lots of trees and freshly painted benches. It had become an after work habit to come here to read. Since it was fall, this week’s choice had been of the spooky sort.

H.P. Lovecraft had always held a place in your heart ever since you had stumbled across him in the library back in high school. Though eerie, his writing was rather eloquent and you were such a sucker for a little mystery.

Plus, it earned you cool points with the goths, who scared the living daylights out of the three preps that liked to tease you for your braces.

Your Lovecraft collection was a small, but thick copy with a simple black cover. A gift from an aunt who swore you and her were Romanian gypsies in a past life. It was a well- loved thing as shown by dog-eared pages and the broken spine. Today’s choice was The Colour Out of Space which you had read about 5 times but it was still a great mystery.

You had just gotten to the part where they first introduce the well when the color red appeared in your vision. It was a balloon.

You looked up and saw a little kid, maybe 7 or 8 years old. With a face full of freckles and a missing tooth when he smiled, his knees were covered in band aids and a bike laid on the ground forgotten behind him.

“What ya reading?” He asked.

“Well,” you responded, “its kind of a scary story.”

“Cool! What’s it about?”

“I don’t know… I doubt your mom wants you talking to strangers, or hearing scary stories from them.”

“I’m not scared! I wasn’t scared of the clown that gave me a balloon, and he was creepy looking!”

“Clown?”

“There’s this clown giving away red balloons and he’s creepy looking.”

“All clowns are creepy looking.” You replied before snorting with laughter at the memory of the time a friend had punched a clown at a Scottish Games.

In the end the kid sat at your feet, pulling at the grass as you read the story out loud to him. He was a good listener, only interrupting occasionally to ask questions. When you finished you both stood up.

“So the thing was an alien? But it was just color, or was it light?”

“I’ve always thought of it being both but yeah it was an alien.”

It was nice end to a terrible day. One that was spoiled when you saw the boy’s missing poster two days later.

It was that afternoon back at the park you sat at a different bench, dread weighing down your belly. You open the book and try to combat the feeling with fear. Today’s selection was The Dunwich Horror.

Not two pages in and paranoia began bubble up. Another page in and the feeling was now overwhelming. Something cold and wet touched your shoulder. A filmy liquid now running down your sleeve. You looked up.

Teeth, rows and rows of teeth.

With a shriek you jumped up as the teeth bit down. There’s a crunching sound as the back of the bench was bitten into. You spin around to face it.

No teeth, the bench is fine, there’s a clown holding a red balloon.

Its costume looks as if it has been lost to time, faded silver and tattered, the red of its hair and pom-poms standing out against the fabric. Its make up is simple with a very odd take on the traditional exaggerated smile.

“Hidey ho friendo! My name is Pennywise, I’m the dancing clown here to turn any frown upside down!”

The clown says this with a slight shake of its body sending off a chorus of bells, you can’t help but crack a smile.

Why did you think it was something bad? It’s just some guy dressed as a clown…

But the paranoia is slow to listen, still bubbling at your insides.

“H-hi there.” You say with a small wave.

“Say there friend would you like a balloon? I’ve been giving them away to all the good kiddos all day and this is the last one. And look how it floats!”

It was rather pretty, for a balloon that is, and apart of you wanted to reach out and take it.

But…

“Um, thanks but why not let someone else have it. Aren’t they supposed to be for the kids?”

“Why yes friend you are so ab-so-lute-ly right! But there are none left in the park today so I would like you to have it!” He held the balloon out to you with a grin that revealed rabbit teeth. His eyes a bright blue that held the slightest hint of worry.

“Well, I…”

“Whats that?”

He pointed at your feet where your poor book now lay. Gingerly you picked the book up, your eyes not leaving the clown.

“It’s Lovecraft.” You answered. His head tilted slightly as if in confusion.

“You know H.P. Lovecraft. The horror writer?”

“Oh! Horror!”

The clown jumped over the bench and sat down looking up at you expectedly, quietly patting the spot next to him. Every nerve in your body screamed danger, danger, danger but you found yourself sitting down next to him.

Pennywise was also a good listener. Gasping at every moment of surprise nodding whenever you had to explain something to him. Strangely, when the monster began its rampage through the village the clown laughed. It was a weird laugh to be honest and it sent shivers down your spine. With the monster’s death he became quiet, almost remorseful, which you could agree it was a little sad.

You ended up reading The Call of the Cthulhu to him as well which he very much enjoyed the plot twist at the end. It was after you parted ways, only when you were halfway home, did you realize you were holding the balloon. Only when you passed the missing posters did you remember who that poor kid had met before meeting you.

The next day, despite what your gut was telling you, your feet carried you back to the park. Pennywise already waiting at the same bench as before. It was late so there was only time for one story, your choice being The Shadow Over Innsmouth which was a bit of a struggle to read as Pennywise continuously interrupted you with fish puns.

The next day you arrived with two coffees and a few spare cookies. You showed him your offering but he politely refused the coffee.

“Caffeine is no good for ol’ Pennywise’s digestion but those cookies…”

You took both drinks while he took the cookies, eating all of them in two handfuls, the face paint giving the illusion that his jaw was opening much wider than it physically should have been able to.

Today you chose a personal favorite, The Haunter of the Shadows, despite being someone afraid of the dark. The idea of a monster that could kill you when the lights were out was rather dreadful and as you read that fear creeped into your heart. It wasn’t until you were about halfway through that you realized the clown had been staring at you the whole time. His gaze intense, a slight bit of drool forming at the corner of his mouth. Unconsciously you slowed down your reading, as if prolonging the end would protect you from something. But soon enough you reached the narrators demise and now there was silence between you and your reading buddy.

Pennywise shifted so he was fully turned towards you, his eyes showing a strange yellow tint. “What’s the matter? Are you afraid?”

“What? No… I…”

“Oh dear friend it’s ok. Jacob was afraid of the dark too.”

“Jacob?”

The clown laughed, “why our friend Jacob! The one you read to! That was such a nice thing for you to do for him by the way. Since it was his last day and all…”

“His last day?”

“Alive.” The clown answered with a smiled that showed all his teeth.

Rows and rows of teeth.

You ran, faster than you ever thought you could. But in your panic you ran the wrong direction, deeper into the park.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

But you didn’t dare turn around, the sound of something close behind would not let you. Deeper into the trees you go and you swear the shadows are getting darker. As if evening has come three hours too early and in your mind a conclusion is forming.

“It’s the monster, the haunter…”

You trip.

As you fall you turn your neck to see.

“Hell-wind, titan-blur, black wings, the three- lobed burning eye…”

………………………………………….

The two sisters walked through the park hand in hand. One of them had a classmate disappear, a kid named Jacob, no one had seen him since beginning of the week. Their mother warning them to come straight home after school and stay together.

They rounded a corner before coming to a stop. There, sitting on a bench, was a clown. In one hand it held two bright red balloons, in the other was a very battered looking book.

“Well hello there friends! My name is Pennywise the Dancing Clown! How about you sit with ol’ Pennywise a while for story time?”

[atrocitycl]

GFriend - “Love Whisper” Review

(Music Video) / (Dance Practice)

GFriend – Love Whisper

Reviewed on September 23, 2017

While I do agree with many that this song is worth praising, I still find that there are some questionable aspects. Specifically, while many are praising the choruses in “Love Whisper,” I will challenge that point by arguing that, as beneficial as the choruses are, there are some downsides to them that fans have not necessarily discussed.  

Personal Message: I sincerely apologize to readers for not posting any reviews in twenty days or so. Moreover, to those who have requested reviews, I do apologize for not getting to those requests directly and am instead reviewing another song. The reason behind this is that, truthfully, I have yet to analyze those requested songs. I have, on the other hand, done all the analytical work for “Love Whisper” and merely need to write the review—hence why this review is prioritized ahead of requests when that is never the case. Thankfully, once this review is finished, I will promptly work on the requested reviews and hope to finish them both by next week. (I also have another bonus drama review in mind after a friend recommended another one to watch.) As for my absence, I have been incredibly busy with university work. On the positive side, however, with reviews being fairly more concise than usual and that I am still attempting to make my writing more concise (this is where my writing is oftentimes rightfully critiqued), I find that reviews will resume a normal schedule soon.

Onto this review, “Love Whisper” is GFriend’s latest comeback—though they have released an extended, different title track as of a few days ago. But, in a technical sense, I still consider “Love Whisper” their main comeback and a relevant one. Many fans and listeners have been praising this song—musically for Yuju’s part in the choruses, but also that conceptually GFriend has returned to their “standard sound.” (And for context, their prior comeback, “Fingertip,” was a different concept—both stylistically and musically.) While I do agree with many that this song is worth praising, I still find that there are some questionable aspects. Specifically, while many are praising the choruses in “Love Whisper,” I will challenge that point by arguing that, as beneficial as the choruses are, there are some downsides to them that fans have not necessarily discussed.  

_______________________________________________________

Song Score: 7/10 (6.50/10 raw score) - “Above average”

- Vocals: 6/10

- Sections: 7/10 (6.67/10 raw score)

Introduction, Verse, Pre-Chorus, Chorus, Verse, Pre-Chorus, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus, Conclusion

1.     Introduction: 6/10

2.     Verse: 6/10

3.     Pre-Chorus: 6/10

4.     Chorus: 8/10

5.     Bridge: 7/10

6.     Conclusion: 7/10

- Instrumental: 7/10

- Lyrics: 6/10

I can’t express my heart Like the nice breeze and the song we listened to together I feel good, especially today

Under the dazzling and clear sky On a day where sweat beads fall We’re holding hands and walking on top of the messy flower road I’m with you

I can hear it from anywhere if I listen When I open my ears to the trust you have in me Like your eyes that twinkle A precious story, I'll tell you Open your ears Our unforgettable voices and stories that are filled with my heart for you, flutter like a dream

Today was another gorgeous day I keep thinking about you all day I want to tell you--who is so kind I will send my heart on a cloud and tell you

A heart fluttering moment When rain drops fell without warning We held hands and ran on top of the messy flower road I’m with you

I can hear it from anywhere if I listen When I open my ears to the trust you have in me Like your eyes that twinkle A precious story, I'll tell you Open your ears Our unforgettable voices and stories that are filled with my heart for you, flutter like a dream

I will tell you more today I’ll gather my heart and fill it up [Instrumental break] I can feel you When I close my eyes, when I open my ears, I feel the trust you have in me

Like your eyes that twinkle A precious story, I’ll tell you Open your ears Our unforgettable voices, filled with my heart for you, flutter like a dream

_______________________________________________________

Analysis: First, though, let us discuss why many have been praising the song. Focusing on the chorus as this section will be our core topic, I do admit this section has been one of the best I have heard recently and even in general. The most appealing factor to it, I argue, is how the chorus functions in two differently ways: as a transitional build up, but also as a typical, climaxing point. With the first reason, listeners can note that the choruses begin with unison singing and the instrumental taking a heightened, amplified stance. Sonically this does not bring anything particularly important, but structurally this almost creates a pre-chorus within the chorus itself; in other words, the choruses start off by creating even more hype and excitement in addition to the actual pre-choruses. Thus, when the second half hits, the choruses become even more mesmerizing. Yuju’s vocal belting now appears to be even more satisfying given that the song finally reaches an actual, musical climax and furthermore, with every other section focusing more on building up and less on aural appeal, Yuju’s singing in contrast seems even more tuneful and engaging.

Now in a more general sense, there are also other praises to the song’s composition. For example, listeners should also admire that a majority if not every sound at play tends to complement other sounds. Drawing on a concrete example, let us discuss the drums. Rather than opting for drums and beats that hit harder and sound deeper, many of the beats in “Love Whisper” carry a tap-like, softer sound. This, however, is a brilliant decision by the composers as the beats now easily mesh with GFriend’s vocal style in the song—specifically, that of being gentler and higher pitched. This is also potentially why the bass line functions as it currently does: it is discreet throughout the song, only poking out in the spotlight during the pre-choruses. Elaborating on what I mean, given that “Love Whisper” is, overall, a lighter, softer, and higher pitched song, any deeper sounds utilized—such as the bass—are kept down and hidden in order to preserve that key, signature sound the song has established.

Nevertheless, as mentioned earlier, “Love Whisper” is not without its flaw. Namely, the choruses that are seemingly perfect are, ironically, the song’s biggest flaw—in an indirect sense, that is. I find that the song overly relied on its choruses. For one, every section but the choruses are plain in both structure and sound. The verses and pre-choruses, for example, merely progress the song along but do not quite contribute anything in a musical sense. This is why the singing in all the other sections is simpler and lacks the type of tuneful depth that Yuju shows off in the choruses. Even the choruses’ first half is not exempt: this part merely functions on a structural level as the unison singing merely indicates that there is an upcoming climax, but in of itself the unison singing does not allure listeners. All in all, then, the point is this: “Love Whisper” thrives almost solely off the choruses’ second half, the half where Yuju’s intensive, complex and tuneful lines come into action. Everything else in the song merely builds up to that point or attempts to accelerate the song in that direction, and that is what troubles me. Unlike songs where the choruses are the highlight and yet, every section still carries prominent weight, I personally find that the composers emphasized the choruses excessively to the point that everything but the choruses is dull.

But, in the end, perhaps the choruses’ glory is in fact due to the other sections purposefully being tamer in comparison. I find that this is not the only option and that one can make an incredible, capturing chorus without having to sacrifice other sections. Nonetheless, “Love Whisper” is still a fantastic song. Although the other sections are more plain in comparison, they still function decently and are not genuinely lacking; the issue is that “Love Whisper” could have been even better than it currently is—but as seen, it still is a solidly composed song.

_______________________________________________________

This actually might be the shortest review I have ever written, but it might also be the first time where I managed to get my ideas across without excessive, unnecessary details and without being too scarce in explanations. I am excited if this is the case as I can definitely resume a more reliable reviewing schedule if all reviews can be this brief yet argumentative.

VIXX LR’s and Sunmi’s latest songs have been requested, and I will finish them by next week. Once again, I apologize to requesters and readers for not being more active with reviews, but I do appreciate the understanding—and of course, for this review, whether one reads or skims it. Look forward to more reviews to come and until then, “I feel the trust you have in me” to be more dedicated with my studies so that I have time to keep up with reviews. Look forward to VIXX LR’s “Whisper” as the next review.

[pebblesandjamjam]

Critical Jam #12: An Unflinching Look

Welcome to the final Critical Jam, J.A. Micheline’s monthly column on criticism.

This series began by positing itself as “an attempt to take an unflinching look at what we do,” so it is only fitting that it ends with an unflinching look at what I have done with it across the last year.

As an artist--and really, as a thinker--I have generally been interested in art as a method of self-discovery. My fictional work and my criticism, at their best, have both invariably revealed fears, joys, concerns, and beliefs that I was hiding from myself. Criticism is partially enthralling as it seeks to unearth truths and solve mysteries: What does this text mean? Why does it mean this? How did it mean this even if that wasn’t its intent? I use these questions to understand the world, myself, and texts in similar fashions. So it follows that occasionally it becomes necessary to turn my sights on my own criticism and learn.

Though I appear firm and certain on this particular angle in the column’s inception,  “Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?”, the implication of criticism as its own artistic endeavor that runs through the text is not a belief I realized I had until the piece itself was written. This is perhaps most evident in the fact that I never actually say so. I get as far as the idea of criticism as existing its own end, but I don’t take this all the way to its obvious conclusion: that I view this work as art, with its own aesthetics and performances. It’s not a massive loss, but at the same time, the piece would have been stronger if I’d known exactly where I was arguing from. I wasn’t quite sharp enough to see what I was doing at that point. I couldn’t See that in myself, just yet.

The thread continues in the fourth installment, “On True Criticism,” in which I very uncharacteristically hedge about the notion of criticism as art--a tepid ‘could’ instead of strong ‘is’--but it wasn’t until two months ago, in the tenth piece “We Must Be Better,” that I was able to stand firm about this idea. Amazingly, it happens so quickly, in a piece that focuses more on the political responsibilities of criticism than the nature of criticism itself, that if you blink may miss it:  “[...] as much as criticism is art,” I say, “–often some mystifying combination of eloquence, delicacy, and brutality–it is also, as you know, work.” It took nine months (and nine pieces!) for the strength of my rhetoric to evolve from subtextual premise to frank statement.

I’m particularly satisfied that this formal declaration snuck its way into “We Must Be Better,” as one of my main critiques of the column is the seemingly wide gulf between my discussions of the form as art versus as a political tool. If criticism is art and art is politics and criticism is politics, then my attempts at bringing these elements together as a critic of criticism especially could have been more rigorous. A third of the pieces address criticism as an interrogation of systemic injustice--but they seem more externally responsive than cohesive to the larger body of work. That is, it is evident to me that I have written them in response to particular emotions or events rather than, as I have done in the other set of pieces, simply exploring an idea that is interesting to me. There’s a sense of urgency or despair that is fitting to the material, but not quite fitting with the other eight texts.

It may be that this is just the reality of criticism involving systemic injustice. These are matters of life and death, so their writings will inevitably be fraught with emotion. But I remain generally dissatisfied by how lacklustre some of this work feels, rhetorically speaking. “All Rhetoric Matters,” does not feel particularly moving because it is basic. The first portion--All Lives Matter and Not All Men as a critical unit--is passingly interesting as I don’t think I have seen it elsewhere, but on the whole, the piece didn’t bring me anywhere new. Instead, it just saw me repeating the same things I’ve said on Twitter in a more cohesive fashion. It is nice that I have written this all together in one place, but it is more akin to an FAQ response than robust criticism that I feel truly proud of. This is in part because I am constantly having to repeat myself on this score and am therefore bored. This is also in part because the discourse surrounding marginalized issues is so low that it’s impossible to get into, say, the deeper possible emotional significance of a numerical value. But some of it must also be my own shortcomings.

Looking over many of these pieces, they feel necessary but neither inspiring nor critically fascinating. There’s no swagger. I didn’t stunt. I didn’t dance. I can push myself harder, even if what surrounds continues to try to drag me to their level. I could have done so. I should have.

There are angles available to me that I could have taken more time to parse, angles that touch upon art, injustice, and criticism all at once. For example, I mention “sovereignty” in what is likely the best of my pieces on injustice within this series, “It’s About Ethics in Marginalized Criticism.” Here, at least, I have done well to meticulously walk down several of the ethical quandaries of criticism involving a fellow marginalized person and, not unlike this piece, to criticize my own criticism. But sovereignty is an idea that crops up in the work somewhat unexpectedly. It’s an idea I remember floating at the time of writing, but never really digging into. A quick Command-F reveals that the notion of sovereignty within marginalized politics and issues appears five times within the essay. But at no point do I actually draw out the idea of sovereignty, what associations that word has, and how it has functioned politically. Instead of making the same old furious and basic motions, I could have completed a critical assessment of sovereignty and marginalized people/critics as nations living within nation-states. I have to demand more of myself. I read most of these overtly political selections and feel not just exhaustion but also regret about my performance as an artist. I can barely look at “A Right to be Hostile in 2016.” Despite their being the most important pieces, they also feel the weakest. It’s disappointing that, with the stakes as high as they are, I did not also have it in me to make something beautiful. It’s disappointing--but I suppose it also does make sense.

By now it is quite evident that I spend a lot of time asking for higher performance from myself--so the discovery of calm and optimism as a theme in this column has been pleasant. Much of the work comes from a place of warmth, an attempt to tell my peers that they’re working very hard, that they’re doing just fine where they are. Of course, I can See now that I was only telling myself. I view myself as a pessimist/realist, but this column seems to land me firmly on the optimist/idealist spectrum, which is very peculiar. After defining criticism as art, I go on to defend 10/10 reviews, welcome anyone and everyone into the critical field, celebrate critical positivity in the face of pressures to be negative, and present conflicts of interest as a weak challenge to our prowess. It’s a very unexpectedly “believe in me who believes in you” line of criticism and not too different, actually, from a line of criticism that treats the work as sacred, and therefore critics (artists!) as such.

My favorite piece, both in this vein and overall, must be “Psalm for the Newly Anointed.” In truth, it  feels like the natural conclusion for the column. My writing on scanlations, which follows it, was interesting and asked a great many questions--but I did not feel that it truly belonged with the rest of the work, much in the same way that the more political pieces felt discordant. Perhaps because there were too many questions and not enough confidence. Or maybe simply because the subject was manga, rather than Western comics. As a whole, this column seems to suffer on the fronts of tone and pacing. But the psalm!

I cannot deny feeling that the psalm is almost perfect. I regret, perhaps, linking to some old writing about postmodernism that I now think could have stood to be more rigorous and precise, but otherwise the piece seems quite strong. What I like most is that it pulls on themes of previous pieces as well as itself--criticism as a grassroots endeavor, Seeing, the creation of a critical canon by citation of a peer. But it takes all of that and shapes them into a narrative that first, is consideration of capitalist and postmodernist hierarchies, and then evolves into one of the spirit, commenting even on the function of the spirit itself. The language is good, the frameworks are good, but what is really good is that this, more than anything, is representative of how I think and feel about criticism. There’s an element of spirit and holiness that comes into the work--evidenced by the evocation of religious language in the piece, certainly, but also scattered in the language I have chosen to use here.

The connection between the coldness of the work and the warmth of its love, even in anguish, is the key to everything that I do. I show affection to myself and to others by criticizing. I see better for myself, better for us all. I expect more. I insist, truly, on being my own god.

A year on, I can largely look on these works without despair. This may change in two years or three, but for now, the work still feels good. I’d hoped, I think, to spark conversation among my peers and was only successful once or twice--but still, what little I’ve done here has been an interesting experiment and largely worth it, if only for creating one piece that I love deeply. Critical Jam ends here, but the need for self-improvement and self-examination from myself and my peers and my field does not.

Thanks for coming.

I appreciated all of you and all of this.

I’m sure I’ll see you again very soon.

  Previous: What We Talk About When We Talk About Scanlations

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this piece, feel free to click here and buy me a coffee or follow me on Twitter at @elevenafter. 

[vaczine]

Walt Cessna

You may think you know or understand me from the suggested and often misunderstood visceral & visual tone of my posted work. You MAY, but you will never ever actually come to any sort of conclusion unless you choose and succeed at looking deep into the self polarizing pathos and DIY till I die determination that informs every facet of my creative & hopefully thought provoking artistic, political and personal stance. If your spending an overwhelming period of better utilized time questioning the purpose, passion and correct point of view of those you deem .not on your side and couldn't actually care less about their indifference and non inclusion of your world anyway, it is perhaps time for you to social media disconnect and redirect the inspirational sparks and shared creative synergy that your on-line presence not only inspires, but informs anyone seeking some deeper meaning and lasting purpose regarding the manner and socially awkward mayhem of your experiences and the at times long hesitation of wait and see the final destination of our daily life experiences that we over emphasize through bullet point rifled personally potent postings promoting our self delusional appreciation and understanding of the self stating shared synergy that fuels our current creative desires and the never ending search for a perfect new medium in which to showcase them. Picture frames ans pretty much any type of visual not displaying itself correctly on some sort of screen set at a 3 second shift of images that leaves the pictures haphazardly etched into our conscious. It;s been slightly amusing seeing the often incorrect re-appropriation of my past works that when originally presented labeled me a pornographer of dubious and damaged integrity blithely showing off my ex-hooker, forever a junkie, AIDS relate-able personal drama and self persecution laced presentation of what polite people refer to as my artistic work. Autistic twerk is more like it. It all starts to make sense suddenly and my personally motivated switch of creative mediums comes across casually and gives no hint at others poorly perceived notions of how to maintain, manage and virtually manifest the clearest and most accurate version exactly how, where, when, what & why I am initiating a long awaited and previously posed with move from digital photography to digital film. It's not that photographs or random still images no longer incite inspiration within me, but i have a renewed creative hunger to tell my visually rich, moment caught in time pictorial perceptions of the world as I continue to come upon it in personally nuanced and arresting pictures that often wear their intensity like a much maligned and majorly misconstrued social handicap of frankly preposterous and selfishly painful decrees decrying ,owns own carefully and life long curated correctness. I'm 52 and I've been pretty much taking photographs since I was just dropped out of high school and living part time in the Chelsea Hotel as anti- fashion terrorist and 7th Ave knock off re-designer self publishing the first of 5 indie publication The Key. Al it took was an unsolicited paragraph of self reverential praise to take it from a Xeroxed & hand stapled $1 a copy fast food fashion inspired teen dream novelty to fashion designer approved & super supported legends in their own lifetimes hyper surreal 80s shooting style stars like Norma Kamali & Way bandy introduced Stephen Sprouse to secure is a publishing deal literally on my 18th birthday in what would come to be the best realized and inspired 1984 year of my life. I got to work with the essentially inspired likes of Teri Toye, truly the first notable and visually inescapable Transgender fashion cult level model courtesy of the two other points of a supremely inspired and inspiring collaboration between the three of them as downtown designer, muse & Nico - model, aspired, casually confrontational It girl 80s hybrid that paid due homage to Warjol;s Edie now known as Sprouse & Meisel's fashion franken-weenie of perfect for rthe times sculpted androgyny that wore its scandalous reputation like a badge of maybe it just might be true dis-honor. The late 80s defining Avedon Vogue covers just as world famous make-up artist as his oft times super model before it was deemed hashtag worthy Brooke Sheilds. Way was very approachable, much like most of the pop art world of culturally correct pre-internet celebrities that never had to fear with cell phones and social media to further distract from whatever way out wild and personally soiled to random extinction proclivities of all too often misunderstood or simply ignored, looked on as unnecessary critiques on those who call their arts performing. The 70s / 80s gold plated period of utter pop(t) culture perfection has never been replaced or more relevant. it continues to inform a host of style servers and visual vanguards who set the tone for all we deem fashionable, fierce & transformative. Going back to the good time girl prohibition era flappers and their self professed need / desire to dance their cares away and have the best time of their life till death to the current state of street style inspired rebooted and redefining world of Haute Couture once again inspired and defined by Saint Laurent, Dior and Gucci albeit each famed and style setting house now under radical redefining fashion focus that manages to respectfully pay nu rage homage to the brands history, but seek ways to incorporate the often awkward proportions of urban influenced street style that when seen through the eyes of the Vetements infused mind rewerking the always sublime mod style proportion savvy design mind helming an extremely personal and stylishly over wrought almost radical re-imagining of the deeply respected and ultra icronic experimental & visionary couture house Balenciaga..There were skirts fashion from actual and completely randomly sourced car mats deftly shuffled into a collection that closed with 9 over the top and way over-sized almost to the point of unwearable proportions that instantly achieve Avedon photo moment in fashion history correctness as they unapologetic-ally praise the design notion of ultra future modern vintage retro photograph of culturally current creations that take inspiration from bold silhouettes and a generous, almost overly lavish attention to cut and proportion that in some cases requires the pop kulture class-ism of 60's Irving Penn influenced and perfectly posed presence of the cult model of Funny Fave infamous-ness Dovima to pull off with a level of panache and a heightened sense of strictly amplified drama punctuated by perfectly arched eyebrows framing equally attentive and slightly rich bitch super vixen fierceness that can't be faked unless it;s Evita moment Mario Testino in his 90s Vanity Fair primed for all time Madonna. People who talk shit about the should hsve known better bitch i'm Madonna. Looking at the aggressively fearless proponents of radically almost unwearable proportions executed in a modern assimilation of not always unawkward siljouettes that altrhough not as gar out and frankly unbothered by anything other than it;s own correctness Comme des Garcon, rather a redefined riff on the retro notions of business attire and women wearing versions of men's tailoring, sparked by YSL in his properly Helmut Newton 70s style blip of his Le Smoking tuxedo influenced suits further pushed into androgyny by slicked back short hair cuts that forever set the standard for Bowie pioneered gender bending ensembles that were majorly loathed or deeply loved when first introduced. The insane radical yet pop culturally relevant instantly pop cult classic correctness of Ziggy Stardust seamlessly morphed into YSl man tailored sexually ambiguous models mane even more infamous in their provocative, often sexually charge/d photographs often shot in dark Parisian alleys and dramatically street light lit lending an air of instant style reformation of perfectly potent only werked correctly in the 70;s mix of lady like femininity mixed with an elegantly irreverent masculine tailoring that too easily wrought to mind the gay disco dollies not yet commonly referred to as lesbians, yet unflinchingly setting the style trend that made Helmut Newton dangerously exotic and first introduce the idea of super exclusively expensive made by hand atelier attended Haute Couture that today seems more Ready-to-Couture with it;s street styled leanings and brave style assertions that are elegantly askance. The often classic attention to cut and uber refined measures of stitching that further accented the carefully crafted couture cut that is nothing like your basic, badly cut and boring boxy jacket. The New Look symbolized and introduced Christian Dior's legendary post war arrival that stirred a full on fashion freak out for bucking war time fabric restrictions with liberated and lavish for the times over indulgences of fabric measured by multiple yards and a retro regal stance when wearing the often sharply pinched and flared waist suit jackets that had a multi gored and just above the ankle length skirt that every designer in time since had offered their own version. Print Vogue is a bore, but vogue.com gives you every single look shown during global fashion week and to the point well worded break downs freshly devoid of attitude and detail driven to blogger extremes. This just finished past season was over loaded with a plethora of just the right dose of retro inspired vintage sportswear taken to wryly ironic or deathly drastic extremes. Which is probably why I love it and have actually been inspired to write fashion inspired posts in over a decade. - Walt Cessna

Balenciaga Fall / Winter 2017

[armyhealth9-blog]

Another January, Another Paleo-Bashing Session… Or Was It?

This Year the Annual Diet Reviews Didn’t Have Their Usually Sharp Teeth Out for the Paleo Diet

It’s January. Which means another flurry of online diet rankings and reviews. At the Paleo Diet®, we await them with the rapt anticipation of a school boy sweating his double-dare challenge punishment. You don’t know what it’s going to be. You just know it’s going to hurt.

In a strange way, we came to wear our dead last ranking at US News & World Report as a badge of pride. Instead of discouraging paleo dieters, the ranking seemed to make them feel part of an idea that was not appreciated in its time. With a certain combination of self-awareness and a little self-delusion the rankings put paleo dieters on a shelf with figures like Socrates, Giordana Bruno, and Galileo. Just with better foods – hemlock isn’t part of any nutritious breakfast – and a lot less execution.

But this year, something felt different about the rankings.

In 2019, US News swapped our dead last for 33d out of 41 diets and even begrudgingly admitted “the Paleo Diet is relatively convenient these days.” Sure, they still didn’t recommend the diet and used lots of subtle qualifiers like “little” and “difficult,” but the sharp teeth of previous years simply weren’t there.

Another January review of diets on the UK’s largest health website, NHS, admitted some pretty strong positives such as “the diet is simple and doesn’t involved calorie counting.” Their final verdict was still mixed, but it didn’t have the dismissiveness we’re used to.

So why the change?

Honestly, we don’t know. One possibility is the fact that this year, the bulk of US News’ write up included a review of recent Paleo Diet studies. They still couldn’t resist pointing out “small” sample sizes and a study where the Mediterranean diet was comparable, but the fact was, the studies were favorable.

In the past, US News attacked the Paleo Diet based on a misconception that there was “no science behind it.” But now with a rapidly growing body of positive research (see the full list at the bottom of this article) and a recent review rigorously evaluating all of the diets listed in the US News report [1], the misconceived “no science” argument has simply lost its bite.

Now if We Could Just Address the Other Misconceptions

Ultimately you, as the reader, needs to draw your own conclusions about the Paleo Diet or any diet. Do your own review. Just base it on the science and the actual diet – not misconceptions.  Too often we read a criticism and think “that’s a good point… too bad they’re not talking about the Paleo Diet.”

The list of studies – positive and negative – on the website, will give you the science to draw your own conclusions. So, let’s address the misconceptions in the recent reviews that have been used to criticize the Paleo Diet. That way you can draw your conclusions based on the actual diet:

1. Excluding grains and dairy leads to nutrient deficiencies

“Most versions of the paleo diet exclude key food groups, raising the potential for nutritional deficiencies.” This claim in the NHS review is one of the most common critiques of the Paleo Diet. But this claim is based on the misconception that these foods are simply eliminated and not replaced or substituted by Paleo-friendly foods.

Dr Cordain addressed this misconception in an article titled Eliminating Non-Paleo Foods Improves Nutrient Density. The main point of the article was that grains and dairy are two of the most nutrient-poor categories of foods we can eat. So, replacing calories from these foods with calories from nutrient-rich foods like vegetables and fish actually improves the nutrient density of our diets.

To make this point, Dr Cordain used a peer-reviewed Mediterranean Diet meal plan which was already nutrient dense. He replaced the non-Paleo foods with isocaloric Paleo-friendly foods, and the nutrient density of the meal plan improved.

We’ll give the NHS review credit for stating that the nutrient deficiencies can be avoided with “careful substitution,” though we’d argue that a diet based on low-nutrient density grains is the one that needs careful substitutions.

Finally, it’s worth pointing out that two of the critical nutrients that critics claim we lose by eliminating grains and dairy are folic acid and vitamin D. Grains and dairy are not naturally high in either nutrient – they are fortified. Vegetables, which replace grains in the Paleo Diet are naturally high in folate.

2. It’s an all-protein protein/meat-based diet

US News finished their 2019 review by saying “these diets contain more than the government’s recommendation that between 10 to 35 percent of daily calories come from protein.” Likewise, the NHS review claimed that “most versions of the diet encourage eating a lot of meat, which runs counter current health advice.”

The Paleo Diet does not recommend consuming more than 35 percent of our calories from protein. In fact, Dr Loren Cordain addressed this issue in both the original Paleo Diet book, and series of articles pointing out that eating more than about 35 percent of our calories from protein can lead to a fatal condition called rabbit starvation [2]. Hunter-gatherer diets ranged from 19-35 percent which is within the government recommendations [3, 4].

To take this a step further, meat is calorically dense. Meaning a small volume of meat packs in a lot of calories. With a typical western diet, the calories from meat are quickly overshadowed by high-carb processed foods which are calorically even denser. A six-ounce ribeye may pack 36 grams of protein (equal to about 150 kcal,) but it’s quickly dwarfed by that 600-calorie high-carb and -fat dessert or bag of Cheetos eaten after dinner.

The western diet, with its reliance on grains, makes it easy to keep protein around 10 to 15 percent of daily calories. But a Paleo Diet avoids these high-calorie processed foods. So, to keep protein at a healthy ratio, we must balance meat with vegetables and fruit which have a very low caloric density.

In other words, we have to eat a lot of plant food!

By volume, a typical Paleo Diet is less than 10 percent animal protein. Vegetables and fruit represent the bulk of what we eat.

3. “Caveman”

US News started their review by stating “if the caveman didn’t eat it, you shouldn’t either.” This is a subtle, but important misconception. Many critics like to call it a “caveman” diet. That conjures up the image of a brutish man draped in furs who carries a club and eats nothing but meat. His life is short and brutish and not a life we would want to replicate. Notice that the focus is even on “man.” How many old Loony Toons cartoons showed cavemen bashing women over the head and dragging them by their hair. There is nothing positive about “caveman.”

However, it is easier to criticize a diet when it is associated with an inaccurate and negative stereotype. Case in point, in his critique of the Paleo Diet, Bill Nye used the stereotype to great effect, literally dressing an actor as a caveman:

(Figure 1: Taken from Bill Nye Saves the World)

I wrote an article for the Paleo Diet website addressing his critique. As a fan of Bill Nye, I had hoped for some good scientific arguments, but all I saw were inaccuracies and misconceptions. And at the center of all of them was the “caveman” concept.

The truth is that the Paleo Diet is based on hunter-gatherer societies that have existed throughout the world for most of history. Many of them lived in forested regions, in the great plains, and even in igloos. Few carried clubs or lived in caves. The authentic photo below is a much truer image of hunter-gatherers:

(Figure 2: photo of authentic hunter-gatherers)

If we’re going to use a stereotype, I would recommend watching the wonderful 1990 movie Dances with Wolves where Kevin Costner’s character was so enamored by the rich life of Native American hunter-gatherers, he gave up his western identity. In fact, a major portion of the movie focused on the purity of the buffalo hunt and subsequent feast. Their culture was rich with unique foods and dietary habits. One great example is their invention of pemmican which Dr Cordain covered thoroughly in a recent article.

The Paleo Diet is based on hunter-gatherer societies not “cavemen.” Any serious and unbiased review of the diet should not use the term.

4. We are guessing at what our Paleolithic ancestors ate

This is in fact true. We don’t know exactly what ancient hunter-gatherers ate and often our records of even recent hunter-gatherer diets are incomplete [4-7]. That’s not the misconception.

The misconception is that the Paleo Diet tries to perfectly recreate the exact diet of our Paleolithic ancestors [8, 9]. That is impossible for two reasons. First, many of the foods that existed then do not exist now. Second, there was no one diet. Hunter-gatherers living by the equator ate very differently from hunter-gatherers who lived in the plains, who again ate very differently from Inuit populations. If anything, the research on hunter-gatherer diets makes a strong argument for individualized nutrition [4].

The danger of this misconception is that critics use it to say that we can’t perfectly replicate paleolithic diets, so the Paleo Diet is a sham.

The truth is that the Paleo Diet uses ethnographic data to create a template for better human nutrition. Put another way, we know that the current Western Diet is unhealthy and leads to the diseases of civilization. So, what is better: starting with a diet that we know is unhealthy, or starting with a diet that is analogous to the diet we evolved around?

And while we don’t know exactly what our paleolithic ancestors ate, we do know what they didn’t eat – grain products, refined sugar, processed foods, vegetable oils, and dairy.

The Biggest Misconception That’s Lost Its Bite: It is Not Based on Science

This is the misconception that has given critics of the Paleo Diet their sharpest teeth and motivated US News to rank the Paleo Diet dead last for years.

It is also the argument that critics can no longer rely on.

For years, critics claimed that there were no peer-reviewed studies or meta-analyses demonstrating the efficacy of the Paleo Diet. At one time, this was in fact true. But the conclusion they then drew – that the diet wasn’t based on science – was a step too far that required a misconception of the scientific process itself.

As it was explained to me in grade school, the scientific process starts with a scientist or group of scientists reviewing the existing research on a subject. Next, these scientists develop a novel theory based on that research. Finally, studies are conducted to test the theory.

What’s important is that every theory (even the most groundbreaking) had a point where they were pure theory without any research to back them up. That does not mean there was no science behind them.

Take the example of one of the greatest scientists – Albert Einstein. Einstein essentially never conducted a research study in his life. His theories of special relativity (1905) and general relativity (1916) were based mostly on thought experiments and past research. Yet, within a few years, these theories had revolutionized Physics, despite the fact that the first experiment to validate special relativity – a fascinating study by Sir Arthur Eddington showing the bending of light – wasn’t conducted until 1919. Fourteen years later. But if that feels long, look at the theory of general relativity which was contingent upon the existence of gravitational waves. Their existence wasn’t proved until 2016 – exactly 100 years later. Yet no one ever claimed that relativity was “based on no science.”

The Paleo Diet is also a theory. It was the result of decades spent by researchers like Loren Cordain, Ph.D., Boyd Eaton, Ph.D., and Staffan Lindeberg, Ph.D. studying the existing science in the fields of nutrition, anthropology and evolutionary biology.

Just like all science – even relativity – paleolithic nutrition had a point where it was a theory and no studies had been conducted to validate it. But it was a misconception for critics to claim it was not based on science. It was based on decades of science. Its only crime was being at the theory stage of the scientific process.

Fortunately, that has changed. Since US News leveled their first review claiming “no science” over 40 studies have been conducted. And most of them have demonstrated favorable results in terms of weight loss, inflammation, and health.

Ironically, the lack of a proper scientific process in US News rankings may have motivated a 2017 review in Nutrients which applied a true systematic review process to the 38 diets in the US News rankings at the time. The review looked only at diets that didn’t require calorie restrictions or supplements which reduced the list to 20 diets.

Of those 20, only seven had high-quality scientific clinical trials evaluating their effectiveness in terms of weight loss. Those diets were the Atkins, DASH, Glycemic-Index, Mediterranean, Ornish, Zone, and of course the Paleo Diet. The review identified two clinical trials that demonstrated both short-term and long-term weight loss on the Paleo Diet. The authors stated “the findings of this review are not in line with current recommendations of the Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee which state that diets with less than 45% of calories as carbohydrates are not more successful than other diets for long-term weight loss (12 months.) [1]

It can’t be over-emphasized that while, US News and World Report ranked the Paleo Diet at the bottom of the list based on the “lack of science,” a proper scientific review of all 38 diets, placed the Paleo Diet among the seven with actual scientific backing.

It’s no wonder the US News review is starting to lose its bite.

Current Paleo Diet Studies Up to 2019

2007

Lindeberg, S., et al., A Palaeolithic diet improves glucose tolerance more than a Mediterranean-like diet in individuals with ischaemic heart disease. Diabetologia, 2007. 50(9): p. 1795-1807.

2008

Osterdahl, M., et al., Effects of a short-term intervention with a paleolithic diet in healthy volunteers. Eur J Clin Nutr, 2008. 62(5): p. 682-5.

2009

Frassetto, L.A., et al., Metabolic and physiologic improvements from consuming a paleolithic, hunter-gatherer type diet. Eur J Clin Nutr, 2009. 63(8): p. 947-55.

Jonsson, T., et al., Beneficial effects of a Paleolithic diet on cardiovascular risk factors in type 2 diabetes: a randomized cross-over pilot study. Cardiovasc Diabetol, 2009. 8: p. 35.

Klonoff, D.C., The beneficial effects of a Paleolithic diet on type 2 diabetes and other risk factors for cardiovascular disease. J Diabetes Sci Technol, 2009. 3(6): p. 1229-32.

2010

Jonsson, T., et al., A paleolithic diet is more satiating per calorie than a mediterranean-like diet in individuals with ischemic heart disease. Nutr Metab (Lond), 2010. 7: p. 85.

2013

Clemens, Z., et al., Childhood absence epilepsy successfully treated with the paleolithic ketogenic diet. Neurol Ther, 2013. 2(1-2): p. 71-6.

Jonsson, T., et al., Subjective satiety and other experiences of a Paleolithic diet compared to a diabetes diet in patients with type 2 diabetes. Nutr J, 2013. 12: p. 105.

Ryberg, M., et al., A Palaeolithic-type diet causes strong tissue-specific effects on ectopic fat deposition in obese postmenopausal women. J Intern Med, 2013. 274(1): p. 67-76.

2014

Boers, I., et al., Favourable effects of consuming a Palaeolithic-type diet on characteristics of the metabolic syndrome: a randomized controlled pilot-study. Lipids Health Dis, 2014. 13: p. 160.

Carter, P., et al., A Mediterranean diet improves HbA1c but not fasting blood glucose compared to alternative dietary strategies: a network meta-analysis. J Hum Nutr Diet, 2014. 27(3): p. 280-97.

Mellberg, C., et al., Long-term effects of a Palaeolithic-type diet in obese postmenopausal women: a 2-year randomized trial. Eur J Clin Nutr, 2014. 68(3): p. 350-7.

Talreja, D., et al., Impact of a Paleolithic Diet on Modifiable Cardiovascular Risk Factors. Journal of Clinical Lipidology, 2014. 8(3): p. 341.

Tóth, C. and Z. Clemens, Type 1 diabetes mellitus successfully managed with the paleolithic ketogenic diet. Vol. 5. 2014.

Whalen, K.A., et al., Paleolithic and Mediterranean diet pattern scores and risk of incident, sporadic colorectal adenomas. Am J Epidemiol, 2014. 180(11): p. 1088-97.

2015

Bligh, H.F., et al., Plant-rich mixed meals based on Palaeolithic diet principles have a dramatic impact on incretin, peptide YY and satiety response, but show little effect on glucose and insulin homeostasis: an acute-effects randomised study. Br J Nutr, 2015. 113(4): p. 574-84.

Frassetto, L.A., et al., Metabolic and physiologic improvements from consuming a paleolithic, hunter-gatherer type diet. Eur J Clin Nutr, 2015. 69(12): p. 1376.

Manheimer, E.W., et al., Paleolithic nutrition for metabolic syndrome: systematic review and meta-analysis. Am J Clin Nutr, 2015. 102(4): p. 922-32.

Masharani, U., et al., Metabolic and physiologic effects from consuming a hunter-gatherer (Paleolithic)-type diet in type 2 diabetes. Eur J Clin Nutr, 2015. 69(8): p. 944-8.

Pastore, R.L., J.T. Brooks, and J.W. Carbone, Paleolithic nutrition improves plasma lipid concentrations of hypercholesterolemic adults to a greater extent than traditional heart-healthy dietary recommendations. Nutr Res, 2015. 35(6): p. 474-9.

Stomby, A., et al., Diet-induced weight loss has chronic tissue-specific effects on glucocorticoid metabolism in overweight postmenopausal women. Int J Obes (Lond), 2015. 39(5): p. 814-9.

Talreja, A., et al., CRT-601 The VA Beach Diet Study: An Investigation Of The Effects Of Plant-based, Mediterranean, Paleolithic, And Dash Diets On Cardiovascular Disease Risk. 2015. 8(2 Supplement): p. S41.

2016

Dolan C, C.A., Davies N, Markofski M. , Effects of an 8-week Paleo dietary intervention on inflammatory cytokines, in American Physiological Society Conference, Inflammation, Immunity and Cardiovascular Disease. 2016: Westminster, CO. p. pp 40-41.

Fontes-Villalba, M., et al., Palaeolithic diet decreases fasting plasma leptin concentrations more than a diabetes diet in patients with type 2 diabetes: a randomised cross-over trial. Cardiovasc Diabetol, 2016. 15: p. 80.

Talreja, D., et al., CRT-800.00 An Investigation of Plant-based, Mediterranean, Paleolithic, and Dash Diets. 2016. 9(4 Supplement): p. S61.

Whalen, K.A., et al., Paleolithic and Mediterranean Diet Pattern Scores Are Inversely Associated with Biomarkers of Inflammation and Oxidative Balance in Adults. J Nutr, 2016. 146(6): p. 1217-26.

2017

Afifi, L., et al., Dietary Behaviors in Psoriasis: Patient-Reported Outcomes from a U.S. National Survey. Dermatol Ther (Heidelb), 2017. 7(2): p. 227-242.

Anton, S.D., et al., Effects of Popular Diets without Specific Calorie Targets on Weight Loss Outcomes: Systematic Review of Findings from Clinical Trials. Nutrients, 2017. 9(8).

Blomquist, C., et al., Attenuated Low-Grade Inflammation Following Long-Term Dietary Intervention in Postmenopausal Women with Obesity. Obesity (Silver Spring), 2017. 25(5): p. 892-900.

Haskey, N. and D.L. Gibson, An Examination of Diet for the Maintenance of Remission in Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Nutrients, 2017. 9(3): p. 259.

Irish, A.K., et al., Randomized control trial evaluation of a modified Paleolithic dietary intervention in the treatment of relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis: a pilot study. Degener Neurol Neuromuscul Dis, 2017. 7: p. 1-18.

Lee, J.E., et al., A Multimodal, Nonpharmacologic Intervention Improves Mood and Cognitive Function in People with Multiple Sclerosis. J Am Coll Nutr, 2017. 36(3): p. 150-168.

Obert, J., et al., Popular Weight Loss Strategies: a Review of Four Weight Loss Techniques. Curr Gastroenterol Rep, 2017. 19(12): p. 61.

Otten, J., et al., Benefits of a Paleolithic diet with and without supervised exercise on fat mass, insulin sensitivity, and glycemic control: a randomized controlled trial in individuals with type 2 diabetes. Diabetes Metab Res Rev, 2017. 33(1).

Stomby, A., et al., A Paleolithic Diet with and without Combined Aerobic and Resistance Exercise Increases Functional Brain Responses and Hippocampal Volume in Subjects with Type 2 Diabetes. Front Aging Neurosci, 2017. 9: p. 391.

2018

Blomquist, C., et al., Decreased lipogenesis-promoting factors in adipose tissue in postmenopausal women with overweight on a Paleolithic-type diet. Eur J Nutr, 2018. 57(8): p. 2877-2886.

Cheng, E., et al., Associations of evolutionary-concordance diet, Mediterranean diet and evolutionary-concordance lifestyle pattern scores with all-cause and cause-specific mortality. Br J Nutr, 2018: p. 1-10.

Genoni, A., et al., A Paleolithic diet lowers resistant starch intake but does not affect serum trimethylamine-N-oxide concentrations in healthy women. Br J Nutr, 2018: p. 1-14.

Haridass, V., et al., Diet Quality Scores Inversely Associated with Postmenopausal Breast Cancer Risk Are Not Associated with Premenopausal Breast Cancer Risk in the California Teachers Study. J Nutr, 2018. 148(11): p. 1830-1837.

Manousou, S., et al., A Paleolithic-type diet results in iodine deficiency: a 2-year randomized trial in postmenopausal obese women. Eur J Clin Nutr, 2018. 72(1): p. 124-129.

Otten, J., et al., A heterogeneous response of liver and skeletal muscle fat to the combination of a Paleolithic diet and exercise in obese individuals with type 2 diabetes: a randomised controlled trial. Diabetologia, 2018. 61(7): p. 1548-1559.

Popp, C.J., et al., The Effectiveness of MyPlate and Paleolithic-based Diet Recommendations, both with and without Exercise, on Aerobic Fitness, Muscular Strength and Anaerobic Power in Young Women: A Randomized Clinical Trial. Int J Exerc Sci, 2018. 11(2): p. 921-933.

van Niekerk, G., et al., Nutrient excess and autophagic deficiency: explaining metabolic diseases in obesity. Metabolism, 2018. 82: p. 14-21.

Wahls, T., et al., Dietary approaches to treat MS-related fatigue: comparing the modified Paleolithic (Wahls Elimination) and low saturated fat (Swank) diets on perceived fatigue in persons with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis: study protocol for a randomized controlled trial. Trials, 2018. 19(1): p. 309.

References

Anton, S.D., et al., Effects of Popular Diets without Specific Calorie Targets on Weight Loss Outcomes: Systematic Review of Findings from Clinical Trials. Nutrients, 2017. 9(8).

Cordain, L., The Paleo diet : lose weight and get healthy by eating the food you were designed to eat. 2002, New York: J. Wiley. ix, 257 p.

Cordain, L., et al., Origins and evolution of the Western diet: health implications for the 21st century. Am J Clin Nutr, 2005. 81(2): p. 341-54.

Cordain, L., et al., Plant-animal subsistence ratios and macronutrient energy estimations in worldwide hunter-gatherer diets. Am J Clin Nutr, 2000. 71(3): p. 682-92.

Cordain, L., et al., Macronutrient estimations in hunter-gatherer diets. Am J Clin Nutr, 2000. 72(6): p. 1589-92.

Eaton, S.B. and M. Konner, Paleolithic nutrition. A consideration of its nature and current implications. N Engl J Med, 1985. 312(5): p. 283-9.

Cordain, L., J. Miller, and N. Mann, Scant evidence of periodic starvation among hunter-gatherers. Diabetologia, 1999. 42(3): p. 383-4.

Cordain, L., The nutritional characteristics of a contemporary diet based upon Paleolithic food groups. Journal of the American Nutraceutical Association, 2002. 5(5): p. 15-24.

Cordain, L., The Paleo diet : lose weight and get healthy by eating the foods you were designed to eat. Rev. ed. 2011, Hoboken, N.J.: Wiley. xv, 266 p.

About Trevor Connor, M.S.

Trevor Connor was Dr. Loren Cordain’s last graduate student at Colorado State University. His research with Dr. Cordain focused on the effects of a Paleo style diet on autoimmune conditions. Their pilot study included close to 60 volunteers with diverse conditions ranging from Crohn’s Disease, to Multiple Sclerosis to Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. The results were very promising, including all eight Crohn’s subjects going into remission on the Paleo Diet.

Trevor started working with Dr. Cordain in 2010, soon after retiring as a Professional Cyclist. At 38, he felt it was time to hang up the bike. Trevor had studied traditional sports nutrition for over a decade and was admittedly very reluctant to accept the Paleo Diet. But after experimenting with the diet himself, Trevor was able to return to the Pro Peloton at 40, getting Top Five’s in several races and establishing himself as the top ranked 40+ rider in the country for several years running.

Trevor now writes the Coaching Section of the international cycling magazine Velo, has his own coaching business, and recently managed the semi-Professional cycling team Team Rio Grande who’s alumni include Teejay Van Gaarderen, a top five finisher at the Tour de France and multiple national champions.

Trevor is currently working on publishing several studies and reviews on the effects of wheat on the digestive immune system. Recently, he moved back to Canada so his wife could pursue her dream of making the 2016 Olympics in pole vaulting (as a Paleo Dieter and ranked top 10 in the country in her mid-30’s.)

View all posts by Trevor Connor, M.S.

Source: https://thepaleodiet.com/another-january-another-paleo-bashing-session-or-was-it/

[atrocitycl]

G-Reyish - “Johnny Go Go” Review

(Music Video) / (Dance Practice)

G-Reyish – Johnny Go Go

Reviewed on August 17, 2017

And so, for where this review will be going, I hope to provide a more respectful and thoughtful argument as to why “Johnny Go Go” is a weaker song. After all, using the idea of “copying concepts” to claim that “Johnny Go Go” is a bad song would be akin to me arguing that my reviews are terrible because the blog is not aesthetically pleasing.

Personal Message: To the requester, I greatly apologize for the delays. Also, I did receive the follow-up message you sent and to that: thank you for the kind words and, there was no need to apologize for forgetting to leave a “thank you” with the initial request message. Nevertheless, I greatly admire how respectful and polite you are and although I did not quite directly reply to the follow-up message until now via this review, it was very heartwarming to read. Thank you being incredibly sweet.

Now regarding once again the reasons for such a delay, I have unfortunately fallen into one of the deepest holes known to humankind: dramas. Specifically, I have found myself hooked to a relatively new Korean drama and indeed, I plan to at least write a short bonus review on it. It is perhaps the best drama I have ever watched and is a rather versatile one in regards to both plot and theatre aspects. (To clarify, the latter, in my case, is referring to the acting and camerawork.) That said, there are still some significant flaws I have found to this drama, but I will hold off on revealing more—and even the drama’s title—as I hope the review will cover those points. (And yes: I did cry at a certain scene—but rather than the usual, emotional and saddening ones that oftentimes make me cry, I cried due to the scene being incredibly wholesome and endearing.)

On topic with this requested review, this song did prove to be one of the most challenging to review and that is not due to its composition per se; what made reviewing this song quite difficult is I had to decide between if certain aspects of the song were due to the production or the composition itself. In other words, based on the music video’s audio and other YouTube videos that claim to be the official audio, it should be noted that the instrumental to the sound is rather muffled. Now why this matters—and again to tie back into “production versus composition”—is that it would greatly affect the song’s ratings. If the lower quality, muffled instrumental is due to the production stage being faulty—the stage where the song is physically put together via recording takes and computer usage—then I will pardon the instrumental. After all, my reviews focus less on the physical production and more on the theoretical aspect—the composition itself. A song’s composition (to my understanding at least) is when we can focus on asking why; why does the song use a certain sound and pattern here? It is where we can speculate and discuss certain effects and strategies versus merely if the song’s physical quality is satisfying. A simple example of this situation is with Girls’ Generation’s Seohyun’s “Don’t Say No”: her music video’s audio had an instrumental that “sunk,” but in official audios, the instrumental was completely crisp and clean and thus, the latter would be the appropriate song to critique.

Relating this to G-Reyish’s situation, however, we come to an uncomfortable finding: supposed official audios still have the muddled instrumental. And so, I was put in a dilemma of deciding if the instrumental was indeed to be considered merely poorly produced or if this was its intended sound—and, if it was truly intentional, then how would such factor for the song. Readers might understandably be upset, but I will suspect that the instrumental is purposefully to sound as it is—and there are reasons for arguing why the composers would want the instrumental to sound muddled.

With those technical points clarified, let us focus on the review. Interestingly, a noticeable amount of listeners seem to dislike the song—and in fact, we can visually see this via YouTube dislikes on G-Reyish’s music video and live performances (if I recall correctly). What is troubling, however, is that many listeners being repelled are not drawn away due to the song itself: many merely dislike “Johnny Go Go” due to it being supposedly similar to T-ARA’s earlier, disco concepts. (For readers who are unfamiliar: T-ARA, now disbanded if correct, initially entered the K-Pop scene with disco-based pop songs such as with “Lovey-Dovey” and “Roly Poly.”) And so, for where this review will be going, I hope to provide a more respectful and thoughtful argument as to why “Johnny Go Go” is a weaker song. After all, using the idea of “copying concepts” to claim that “Johnny Go Go” is a bad song would be akin to me arguing that my reviews are terrible because the blog is not aesthetically pleasing. This is problematic because, as I hope this example demonstrates, the only proper way to claim my reviews are horrendous (which is not far from the truth) is if we actually critique the reviews themselves—the writing and analysis—rather than something that is completely. Therefore, I hope to do the same for “Johnny Go Go”: I will focus on and critique the song itself; the song’s disco genre and concept are completely irrelevant—barring perhaps situations where the concepts might explain certain decision making reflected in the song itself.

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Song Score: 3/10 (3.00/10 raw score) - “Below average”

- Vocals: 2/10

- Sections: 3/10 (3.17/10 raw score)

Introduction, Verse, Pre-Chorus, Chorus, Verse, Pre-Chorus, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus, Conclusion (Chorus)

1.     Introduction: 4/10

2.     Verse: 4/10

3.     Pre-Chorus: 4/10

4.     Chorus: 3/10

5.     Bridge: 2/10

6.     Conclusion (Chorus): 2/10

- Instrumental: 3/10

- Lyrics: 4/10

Woo woo woo woo (A-yo) (She's comin' at ya) (Introduce, G-Reyish) (Let's go)

I fell for you at first sight My cheeks turn red What do I do? The moment I saw you, my heart was electrified I do not know what to do

I'm afraid you'll run away I'm afraid you'll disappear You keep looking at me Oh my, I don't know what to do I keep liking you more I can only see your eyes Come play with me tonight

Hey mister Johnny Go, Johnny Go D-D-D-DJ go You'll start to like me, oh whoa Johnny Go, Johnny Go D-D-D-DJ go Oh I'm going to tell you Love for you Ba babababa, barababa baba Woo woo woo, woo Ba babababa, barababa baba Woo woo woo, woo

You shot me a look I'm shaking Why am I being like this? Whenever I look at you, my heart starts pounding I get so dizzy

I'm nervous that you'll come closer I turn red and breathless You keep looking my way Oh my, I don't know what to do I keep liking you more I can only see your eyes Come play with me tonight

Hey mister Johnny Go, Johnny Go D-D-D-DJ go You'll start to like me, oh whoa Johnny Go, Johnny Go D-D-D-DJ go Oh I'm going to tell you Love for you

(Make the volume louder, So I can move to the rhythm) (Turn the lights up) You ready? Get set, go

Hey mister Johnny Go, Johnny Go D-D-D-DJ go You'll start to like me, oh whoa Johnny Go, Johnny Go D-D-D-DJ go Oh I'm going to tell you Love for you

Johnny Go, Johnny Go D-D-D-DJ go (Now time's up G-Reyish) (One more time say: "G-Reyish") Johnny Go, Johnny Go D-D-D-DJ go Oh I'm going to tell you Love for you Ba babababa, barababa baba Woo woo woo, woo Ba babababa, barababa baba Woo woo woo, woo

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Analysis: Already, one troublesome aspect to the song is how generic and plain its sound is on all levels—both vocals and instrumental. Harshly stated, the vocals in the song focus less on tune appeal and seem to instead focus more towards being suitable to the song’s displayed concept—that of being cheery and cute. While understandably this occurs as superficial elements—the emotional and visual artistic appeal—are in fact key components in pop music, there is a point in which overly emphasizing those features could be at the expense of actual music appeal. Not surprisingly, that is exactly what occurs. In “Johnny Go Go,” the vocals are incredibly stagnant as a result: we hear exaggerated cheerful, higher pitched vocals without any change. For example, the vocals never extend to lower ranges or even change stylistically. The result is merely hearing the same vocal sounds and having to hear it in a chant-like manner as there are no moments where the singing includes beltings or is slowed or hastened. Certainly vocal variety in of itself is not essential—in fact, “variety” in a general sense in songs is never necessary per se—but indeed having variety drastically helps. There is only so much appeal that can be gleaned, after all, from hearing singing that flows and sounds the same from the very start and to the very end of the song.

As for the instrumental, the same can be said as it relies on usual, fast beats to create an upbeat style to the song. The main issue, however, is that the instrumental itself also fails to add variety—this we can hear from how, despite the song following the typical pop structure of going from verse to pre-chorus to chorus, the instrumental remains relatively similarly throughout. Furthermore, what also greatly hinders the song is when we consider how the instrumental is muddled and more specifically, how it fails to utilize its bass sounds. Now, as stated earlier, it can be understood on why this occurs—if, again, this muddled sound is indeed intentional and not due to production errors. Given how the vocals remain at a higher pitched and is following the same rhythm throughout and never significantly changing, having an instrumental that sounds muddled allows it to easily mesh with the singing. Should the instrumental have contained powerful bass sounds and beats instead of the current sound where those said aspects are kept down and limited, it would potentially create a sharp disparity between the instrumental and vocals. Indeed, while I argue the song is ultimately not aurally pleasing, I will still acknowledge and credit the composers for having the song be organized and easily connected—both in sections and with how the instrumental and vocal complement each other. Nevertheless, with an instrumental that lacks sharp, clear sounds and how the vocals are already uninteresting, this combination becomes far from admirable.

All in all, the disco-pop genre is one that can work. Although the following comparison might not help at all with the general public’s criticism towards “Johnny Go Go,” T-ARA’s disco-based songs, while I would hesitate to call them solid in any sense (now that I am more experienced with reviewing K-Pop songs), they do provide examples of aspects that can work. For example, in “Lovey-Dovey,” ignoring how the vocals would easily land a two as in this review, the song contains far more variety and more importantly, the song’s sections all held an important role. For “Johnny Go Go,” the song almost lacked a direction: the climactic points were minimal in contrast to other sections and the build-up was far too predictable and generic—to name a few examples. In “Lovey-Dovey,” each section provided the song a specific outcome and even within those sections, there were unique aspects included so as to prevent being another, typical pop song. For example, the choruses in T-ARA’s song might include the typical, filler “catchy” lines that are quickly sung, but it includes contrast from lines that are noticeable different and more strenuous. Ultimately, then, it meant that “Lovey-Dovey” ‘s choruses—even if not too impressive—were at least more than a simple, generic chorus that merely runs its course without introducing aspects that can be paid attention to. That said, “Lovey-Dovey” would also poorly hold up in a review but it does provide some insight on what would have benefitted the composers for “Johnny Go Go,” and of course I hope readers do not misunderstand this point and interpret it as justification to further bash G-Reyish on the basis of T-ARA’s music. A song “being better” is already a subjective claim but more importantly, setting up musical conflicts never benefits anyone whether it is fans, artists, composers, or producers.

G-Reyish’s “Johnny Go Go” might have disappointed me, but I do hope future composers (or future songs if the same composers are kept) continually improve. Likewise, I hope G-Reyish do manage to hold onto their disco-pop music genre if that is indeed what their group has as their stylistic preferences. What I personally would be interested in is if G-Reyish and their composers could perhaps one day release a song that is distinguishable as disco-pop but, if they could somehow do away with the vocals needing to be as rigid and plain as it is in “Johnny Go Go”—vocals that are excessively high pitched and lacking in variety. In other words, it would be very creative and most likely aurally pleasing if the ladies delivered more natural, flexible vocals all while still having the upbeat, electronic-based instrumental of disco-pop accompanying that said singing. (And of course, there are times for higher pitched, rigid singing—or if we have to use this term, that of “cutesy vocals.” TWICE’s “Knock Knock” is the best example of those types of vocals being functional and extremely effectively, though it should be noted that those “cutesy vocals” mostly work because of the contrast from more strenuous, tuneful vocal beltings.)

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To the requester, once again thank you for being incredibly patient and for everyone reading: recall that reviews are to begin discussions and are not to be used as forms of personally attacking artists and composers. For example, the composers of “Johnny Go Go” are not pathetic or stupid at all; in fact, the composers are indeed musical geniuses and hence why they are composers in the first place. They had a certain goal in mind when creating the song, but I personally just happen to disagree with their goal and have reasons for such—reasons that can be easily challenged and proven wrong. Likewise, G-Reyish should never be attacked for “copying T-ARA” as claiming such is rather pointless; after all, every K-Pop artist copies another due to the limits of “concepts.” And, more importantly, the ladies should not be personally attacked for their vocal abilities. Their singing in this song needs to be kept in that appropriate context; in this song, their vocal delivery happens to be poor but that does not mean their vocal skills are poor. Overall, I hope despite this review potentially being quite harsh, that it is used and interpreted in a constructive, mature and thoughtful manner. I encourage fans and readers to disagree or to agree; what matters is that listeners are critically engaging and are not merely disliking G-Reyish’s song due to its sheer concept.

With all those clarifications aside, thank you to everyone for reading or even skimming this review. I greatly appreciate it all. Regarding upcoming reviews, I have two bonus show reviews: one is a drama and another is about making a drama (Idol Drama Operation Team)—though with the latter, I will also review the respective drama that came out of it. Afterwards, we will resume with song reviews, many being catch-up from last month but also recent comebacks such as from GFriend and Girls’ Generation. Until then, “Come play with me tonight”—and by that I refer to reading my questionable, mediocre reviews at night—or at different times depending on readers’ preference. Perhaps I do need to figure out an actual closure rather than relying on quoting song lyrics and having them become taken out of context. Let us just awkwardly end here similarly to the many awkward, romantic moments in dramas.