#i still feel like i couldn't quite explain stuff lol

[snekdood]

so august 2018 is when my peak being-crazy-made art craziness happened, huh

[harleehazbinfics]

Home is where my heart is.

Chapter 4: Family Table of Contents | Profile

Word Count: 2000+ A/N: WHERE ALREADY AT CHAPTER FOURRR AAA this concludes the life they had while they were human, but we'll still have a few flashbacks to see cuz plot. also thank you for over 1,000+ of likes and reblogs that means so much to me that you enjoy my works. i think y'all really liked the devout one lol, i'll just say now that i have plans to make it about lucifer so if you're into that please expect more and hit follow, really helps when peeps comment on stuff <33 much love, enjoy!

there were so many errors bro LMAO also I added a few paragraphs to this, so pls enjoy my scuff (edited as of Feb 20)

“I’m home~,” my husband’s voice calls out from the doorway.

Wiping my hands on my apron, I greeted him coming from the kitchen, “Al! Welcome back. How was your day?”

“Same as always. It’s gotten quite dusty out, I wouldn’t recommend you and the lil’ munchkin to go out for a while. I’ll take a shower first,” he responded dusting himself off briefly by the door before removing his shoes and coat. Heading towards the bathroom past me, but not before giving me smooch on the cheek and a gentle rub on my swollen belly.

Yes. Miledy got pregnant with Alastor’s child. He slowly warmed up to the idea when he saw her babysitting the neighbor’s toddler and when they both visited an orphanage, albeit to Al’s hesitance, where he saw her dote on the children, as she was also a kid that grew up in an orphanage feeling great empathy towards them. If Alastor didn’t stop her, she would have adopted all of them. At the end of the day, he concluded that you would be the best mom possible out there and gave her wish. Making him very sentimental and missing his late mother, which she often comforted him about.

I sighed happily and rubbed my stomach. I stared at the cradle with much longing, I couldn't wait to see our baby. Above the cradle was a mobile, it was a string of ornaments that were meant to be a toy for them, it was decorated with shells, dolphins, rabbits and a deer—as requested by Al.

I picked up a music box that had our favorite music. Alastor had this requested as a gift for your child, I was surprised when he presented it to me. I didn't think he'd be attached to them as much as I was, but I guess he adores them in his own way. Making a family does make it seem more real.

It makes me think back all those lives we've taken just to protect our family. I wonder if those people had family too? Did they look for them?

I was pulled from my thoughts when Alastor stood beside me, gazing at the cradle as I was.

“And how have the two of you been, my love,” Alastor asked, his hair still wet and changed clothes.

The both of us walked towards the couch, him making me sit on his lap as always after work, where he would rub my stomach and lower back, and even sometimes my chest whenever they get too heavy.

“Been kicking and moving around so much lately. I’m so sore all over,” I moaned as I leaned my back on his chest, letting him massage my lower back.

“Don’t worry, darling. I’ll give them a good talking to,” he joked poking around my stomach.

Giggling and squirming in his hold I cried, feeling fluttery inside when the baby kicked in response, “Al, that tickles! Haha!”

“What?~ I’m just disciplining our child,” he explains himself in a light tone.

“You’re such a loser,” I rolled my eyes playfully at him.

“Oh, please,” he scoffs, “I’m anything but a loser. Have you seen my wife? The most sought out singer in all of Louisiana? You must have heard of her surely.”

“I have indeed,” I giggled, “but I heard she unfortunately got knocked up by some random radio broadcast guy that does his shows in a basement.”

Alastor gasps dramatically clutching his hand over his chest and exclaims, “You did not! One, I own a studio in the city where I do my shows, thank you very much. Two, how dare you say unfortunately, I’m the most highly paid broadcaster. Any person would drop on their knees to even get to be in the same room as me.”

I chuckled at his haughtiness and conceded lying on his chest once more, “You’re right, you’re right, your royal highness.”

He lets out a hum similar to a purr contently embracing us.

(3 years later)

“Abigail!”

A little squeal sounded down the halls along with little pitter patters of her tiny feet as she tried to get away from me.

“Come here, Sunshine. You need to get changed. Don’t you wanna go and see Dad?” I asked her walking to her slowly.

She excitedly jumps from behind the couch and yells, “Dad! Dad! I wan’ta see Dad!”

“Alright, alright. Come’re,” I called her to come closer to put on her little yellow sundress. I took my bag that had all our necessities while Abby tried to put on her shoes that she immediately showed off when she did it all by herself.

“Well done, Abby! Dad will be happy that you can put on your shoes by yourself now. Do you want to tell him yourself?” I asked putting on her hat.

“Mhm! I’ll tell him myself!” she answered cheerfully holding my hand after I shut the door and locked it.

“Alright then. You ready?” I asked her again with a doting smile.

“Yes! Let’s go meet up with Dad!” she replied excitedly trying to drag me with her.

After we arrived at his studio, we went to his office and waited for him to finish with his morning show so we could take Abby to the park and eat at a restaurant for lunch after. She was on the floor playing with her toy doll and stuffed bunny, playing pretend by herself.

“Hello there, darlings,” Alastor greeted with a smile. Arms already open for his daughter to dive in.

“Dad!” She yelled excitedly jumping into his arms, “Are you done with work?”

“Yup. You excited to go to the park today?” he asked booping her nose playfully.

She laughed delightedly making both Al and I’s hearts to melt.

“Yeah! I wanna go now please!” she requested politely hugging her father’s neck.

“Okay, Sunshine,” he replied petting her back.

Hand in hand, the three of us spent the day together happily on our family outing. Of course, it couldn’t be helped that we would be stopped a few times, but we immediately excused ourselves from them to enjoy as much time as we could while we were together, not letting all the disturbances get in the way for our plans today.

Reaching home with a tired Abigail in my arms. Alastor carried all our bags and toys that we bought for our daughter along with a balloon with a smiley face on it tied around his wrist. As he was opening the door for us, he stopped suddenly, making me look up to him alert.

I clutched Abby closer getting ready to run. Alastor fully opened the door and dodged a swing from a brass knuckle to his head.

“Run!” he yelled as he fended off the intruder from getting to us. Abigail waking up from the shout of his father, she trembled in fear as she saw him fight another man.

“Mom? What going on?” she asked, confused and afraid grip tightening around me.

“Shh, I’m sorry but mom’s gonna ask you to stay quiet, okay? Just-just close your eyes, honey.” I requested seriously making her tuck her head in my neck.

I ran as fast I could, reaching our other house that was used for emergencies. We entered together and pushed her inside a bunker in the bedroom.

“Baby, you need to listen to me. I need you to be quiet for me, okay? No matter what, don’t open this door if it isn’t me or Dad, got it?” I ordered her with a serious face making her nod despite being afraid out of her skin. I swiped the tears under her eyes and gave a kiss on her forehead saying, “I love you so much, Abby.”

I left her after locking the door and pushed the vanity on top of the door. Holding my gun close to me and creeping my way out the bedroom to check for any of followers, as I was rounding a corner someone tugged at my hair making me throw my head back.

I whacked him with my gun up on his chin making him back up from me, taking this opportunity to shoot him in the chest twice. I aimed my gun to the window when I saw a sliver of light catch the corner of my eye, shooting when he jumps in through the window stopping him from letting him move further in.

I turned my gun to the door when I heard it open, only to feel relieved when I saw the familiar tuft of brown hair styled in a certain way that I could immediately recognize. I run towards him for an embrace that he returned.

“Where’s Abby?” he asked looking around the room.

“She’s in the bunker. Did anyone follow you?” I asked placing my hands back to my sides.

“None. I had 4 people outside, you?” he said rushing into the room making sure Abby’s safe.

“Just 2,” I sighed rubbing my face frustratedly. “I’m sorry. It must’ve been Alex’s men. They’re getting pretty fucking desperate if they’re attacking from our house,” I snarled.

“It’s fine, darling. That’s why we prepared this to make sure Abby stays safe,” he said assuring me, and giving me a quick peck on the head. Then helping him push the vanity off the door and took our daughter out.

“Let’s stay in the cabin for a while, we aren’t safe here,” Alastor suggested which I agreed to.

Morning come; Abby woke up confused, she then realized she was in her father’s cabin seeing his prized hunting gun on wall. Her eyes scanned the room for her parents and found none of them there, so she slowly opened the door and was greeted by the smell of cooked meat. She found her father in the kitchen cleaning while you were knitting on the sofa. Hearing the door creak, both the adults turned their heads to their daughter’s little round head.

“Good morning, Sunshine~,” Alastor greeted waving his spatula.

I got off the sofa, leaving my knitting materials and scooped her up into my arms, “Hello, bunny. Did you have a good sleep? It’s already 10pm.”

“Mhmm, but I had a bad dream. Mom and Dad where fighting some bad guys and I was so scared that you got hurt,” she mumbled making my face ridden with guilt.

I never wanted my baby to experience this, I never knew that Alex’s obsession would ever get this deep.

To briefly explain what happened over the years, I sang in a private bar where some very important people were having a meeting. Unfortunately for me, one of people there was interested in me. So, I explained to him that I had a husband, but he refused to leave me alone until Alastor came with the owner of the establishment to diffuse the situation. However, it didn’t stop there, he insistently showered me with gifts and letters that I had to refuse each time. I confronted him saying that I would never be with him as long as I lived, so in retaliation his obsession turned sinister, believing that if he couldn't have me then I was better off dead.

Alastor, fueled with irritation, confronted him almost successfully killing him in the process if it weren’t for Alex’s group to look for him and warded Al off. And to this day he’s eager to hurt our family.

“I’m sorry, honey,” I replied eyebrows furrowed kissing her head, “it’s just a bad dream don’t be scared.”

“Exactly, nothing to be worried about. Why don’t you have some breakfast first? Breakfast is indeed the most important meal of the day, Sunshine,” Alastor spoke up after setting the plates, taking Abby into his arms, and placing her on her chair.

At the end of the day, when Abby passes out from exhaustion from playing in the meadow all day. Alastor takes his gun off the wall making me stand up in worry.

“Where are you going?” I asked, holding his arm.

“To finish this once and for all. I don’t want Abby to be in danger anymore. Most of all, I don’t want you to live in fear that we’re going to lose Abby, neither do I,” he reason placing his hand on your cheek.

“Just please... please be careful, Al,” I pleaded him covering his hand over mine.

He gave me a smug smile and replied, “I’ve never lost before, darling. I’ll be back before sunrise. I promise.”

I nodded as he gave me a kiss, as much as I was worried about him, I knew Al could take care of himself.

“Stay safe,” I said staying by the door frame while he waves goodbye, painfully unaware how devasted I would be when he never returned the following day.

[taffywabbit]

it's so hard for me to think of what any of my personal GOTY picks might be this year, because every time I think about one of the really kickass games I played/beat for the first time this year (that's what I'm going off of btw, not release date) I then have to remember "oh right I also played Pseudoregalia in like. February. and then proceeded to play it 90 more times, including once yesterday. I think there's some compelling evidence that I might've liked that game a little bit more than this other stuff" lol

...that being said, I think my other top contenders for stuff I played during 2024 would be (in no particular order):

- Noita (obviously. I can't believe I ALSO didn't start playing this until early January, it feels like it's been way longer. funny wizard explode)

- Cavern of Dreams (easily one of the best attempts I've ever seen to recreate not only the visual style of an N64 game, but the precise FEELING of playing one as a kid and exploring for weird secrets)

- the Paper Mario TTYD remake (I ended up going for 100% on this one, it's honestly some of the most fun I've EVER had streaming a game. I've never seen a remake knock it out of the park this hard, this shit is absolutely packed full of loving detail)

- Mario + Rabbids: Sparks of Hope (I haven't quite finished it yet but I'm confident in including it here. friendship ended with Fire Emblem, I actually just need more of whatever this is)

- Zelda: Ultimate Trial (an OoT romhack that has no business being as good as it is. I jokingly called it "the Undertale Yellow of Zelda fangames" when I finished it and honestly I still stand by that)

- uhhh sure I guess Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom can go on here too (it's not a new series favorite or anything but it was still a ton of fun and I loved collecting funny Zelda monsters like Pokemon lol. very solid dungeon/puzzle design too, a real return to form)

and I guess if you want my LEAST favorite games of 2024 I'll include those too but put them under a cut:

- Corn Kidz 64 (kinda janky and imprecise controls coupled with overly punishing platforming, a really unsatisfying sense of progression, and humor and general vibes that I just found to be kinda rancid and offputting overall)

- Penny's Big Breakaway (I was SO excited to play this one, but was really disappointed. the level design is just kinda baffling and frequently makes you waste time doing side objectives for no reward or loops you back on yourself, the controls are weird and make it extremely easy to misinput and die accidentally, and it constantly throws score/combo elements in your face but nearly every move you can do will instantly take away all of your momentum unless it's 100% perfect. I couldn't even force myself to finish this one. at least the music whips ass tho)

- Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (I've started and quit this one many times but this year I forced myself to play it to completion on my switch, making liberal use of savestates. it didn't help that much. I wrote a whole reflection earlier this year about the ambitious and interesting stuff this game tried to do and why it never quite works - I think I only posted it on cohost, I should probably retrieve that before it gets deleted)

- Dr Robotnik's Ring Racers (listen if you didn't have any attachment to SRB2 Kart before this "sequel" came out then I probably can't really explain to you why I loathe this thing so much in terms of actual design differences. all I WILL say is that I'm furious we got this, which is a completely different fucking game that's super overtuned to solely appeal to a very specific kind of highly technical player niche and scare everyone else away, as a REPLACEMENT for just getting a goddamn update to add CPUs to SRB2 Kart. it's all I ever wanted, and now because they turned that update into DRRR instead, I will never get it)

also I just think it's funny to put it in perspective here that I'm choosing NOT to put Donkey Kong 64 on this list, which I did 101% complete earlier this year. so that's the bar, anything on my Least Faves list is stuff I enjoyed less than the experience of streaming the entirety of DK64. I really did have more fun beating Beaver Bother 3 times than playing Corn Kidz. I don't know what that says about me

[strawb3rrysweetheart]

Hi again, I'm the one who requested the Lucifer Morningstar x oblivious! reader! Loved it! (Which is why I am here to request another!

Once again a Lucifer fic. (He has my heart)

Lucifer x reader who is ethereal looking(also who has unique features) So to describe her, she was an albino when she was human and she just so happened to keep most of her albinism even in her afterlife. She is quite pale with white hair and red eyes. (And for gojo reference, white eyelashes and eyebrows) She has pinkish speckles on her face and body which looks like freckles. (It is lol) Tailbone length hair, her nose and ear have a natural pink hue to them. Also she's short :/. I just wanna see how he would react when he meets her and how his crush develops. Please and thanks❤❤❤

AHHH HI!! WELCOME BACK! OKAY OKAY!

CW: reader is a POC because albinism is most common in africian areas :3, brings up readers human life at first to explain why she acts the way she does, reader used to be a christian. reader loves horror movies

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When I was born, I had albinism. It caused issues with my family. My dad was convinced my mom had cheated on him, but to his suprise, the paternity test proves, that I was in fact, his daughter. Even if we didn't look alike. My pale skin in contrast to his darker skin. Growing up I got called a lot of names. I mean all because of my condition. Other kids on the playground would call me freak, old hag, freak of nature, and well anything they could think of. The heavily christian kids thought I was a spawn of satan because I had red eyes. It was so strange because I went to church! Just like them! And I envied the people without my condition so hard. I prayed everyday I'd wake up normal. I just couldn't handle this existence I had been cursed to. They all see me like a freak. For what? Being born? The genes in my blood? Why, its not my fault I existed, yet because I exist, now I was a target of constant bullying. Once the bullying went way to far.. They decided I was too much of a freak to just leave alone. They started hitting me. I'd come home with bruises everyday. My parents decided to home school me, to save from the bullying. But I never forgot.

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Now that I'm dead, Life is different. To my joy, people in hell all looked off, different. I mean you could tell I had, had albinism in my past life, but I fit in more. It wasn't used against me. Yet one thing still bugged

me. Why was I even here? I never sinned, well besides envy. But that shouldn't count! God gave me a condition that ruined my life. And yet somehow he thinks its fair to punish me for his own cruel action. It doesn't feel right. Fuck god. If he

n's gonna curse me to an existence like this, then I'll find a wa\y out. So.. I started searching, for anyone.. anything, that could get me into heaven. I stumble on an ad for this hotel.. It had said it was a chance for redeemtion! And it was free, which was good because I hadn't had a job here in hell.. Eventually I make it there, and knock on the door. A pale looking blonde lady opens the door. "Hi!! I'm Charlie!!! Are you here to live in the hotel??" She basically squeals, she seems very excited. "Uh.. yeah" You say awkwardly. She lets you in, and you meet all the hotel residents. There's a tall-ish dude with multiple limbs.. I think his name was angel? A snake, A deer, A cat, this short girl, vaggie? I think? Charlie, and a shorter dude named lucifer. Whatever.. 'friends' aren't my concern.. My concern is getting to heaven to prove my point to god. You follow Charlie to your new room, and put your stuff down. As soon as you put your stuff down, you politely ask Charlie for some space. She agrees, exiting the room. God I hope that this whole.. ordeal isn't as interactive as its been so far. You start unpacking and then you walk out of the hotel room, waving to lucifer. Look if I was going to make god understand my problem, might as well befriend his worst enemy, right? Lucifer waves back, and to my dismay, he walks over. "Hiya!! So you're like new here.. Right?" He asks, he seems nervous. Why is he nervous? He's litterally satan. "Uh, yeah" You reply, matching his nervous energy unintentionally. "So.. why do you wanna get redeemed?" Lucifer asks, not holding your gaze for very long. He seems figety. "Uh.. just think I was an okay person, a bit envious, but fine" You shrug, not wanting to give away your entire life story to the literal devil, who could betray you at any point. "Oh! Well yeah, thats not.. bad, thats good! I-I mean not good that you're envious- but its not the worst? Its okay.." Lucifer feels the need to backtrack on everything. Why is he so nervous? Whatever..

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It had been a few months now. Everyone is nice enough. Its more interactive then I would've perfered, but whatever, they're nice and we're kind of close now. Lucifer has been acting even more strangely to me. He fidgets, backtracks, and stutters like usual. But he also blushes, gets me gifts, and well just gives me the most attention..

"Uh.. (Name)??" Lucifers voice breaks me out of my thoughts. "Oh! Sorry, Uh, whats up luci?" I ask. Me and lucifer are the closest. Hes the one I truly consider a friend. His cheeks tinge red at something, persumably the nickname. "Just asking you if you wanna have a movie night at my place.. but not like in a weird way! Just a friend way.. unless you hate movies.. or me.. uh it can be your place. or mine" He backtracks as usual. I giggle. "I'd love to. Horror movies pleaseee" I say, horror movies are my favorite. Lucifer nods a bit too quickly, and pulls on his collar. "Of course! You can cuddle on me if you get scared!! Unless thats weird.. Was that weird" He laughs. God he's so awkward.. I (love) like him. "Nah, you're chill luci. Nothing you do is weird" I smile. Hoping to give him comfort. He smiles, his blush redder then normal. Before he grabs my hands. I out of habit attempt to jerk away, but stop myself. "I-Its a date!! Date... uh.. date but not like in the romantic way... hah. I'm holding your hands too long aren't I?" He asks, his palms are sweaty but I don't mind. Mine are too. Symptoms of anxiety I guess. "A date, I'll get popcorn. And no, you're fine" I snort at him, his awkward smile, the glances away from me, the way his cheeks redden at me not pulling away. "No! Uh.. no, I can get popcorn, I'm the king after all, they like, kinda have to give me good popcorn.." He says, trying to seem confident, yet failing. He can be prideful around everyone.. I don't know why he's extra awkward with me...

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I put on my favorite horror movie. I snort at lucifer in his duck onesie. Sitting on his couch. Many pillows and blankets around me, with the bowl of popcorn on my lap. "What?? You don't like my onesie?" Lucifer asks, mock offended. He sits down next to me and eats some popcorn. "Oh you look gorgeous.." I giggle.

As the movie plays, Lucifer jumps at every jumpscare. Its incredibly funny to watch the big bad king get scared of a few jumpscares.. He ended up burying his head into my arm. "You scared luci?" I tease him. "No!.. no.. yes.. sorry I lied" He mumbles, not enjoying being seen as the weak one. He shoves popcorn into his mouth to avoid further conversation. "Lucifer, I'm not gonna make fun of you.. Do you wanna watch a different movie?" I ask. Lucifers eyes light up. He nods and takes the remote. Changing it to a romance movie. I smile as the king himself uncurls himself from my arm, watching the movie with intrest. I personally think the movie is incredibly boring, but he's having fun, and thats enough for me. I watch the movie with him, holding his hand and squeezing it. Lucifer blushes, eyes widening. Hes such a dork.. I eat popcorn as lucifer rambles about how sweet the love story is. "If only we fell in love like that.. UH!! I MEAN.. uh HAH! What a good joke right!!" He laughs, forcibly. My eyes widen, blush teases at my cheeks. "Uhm.. lucifer? Do you wanna tell me anything?" I ask. Still squeezing his hand. "Uhm.! Do I have to?" He squeaks out. I nod. "Well I'd say so" I chuckle. He sighs playfully. "Finee... Uhm. I have a massive crush on you and I love you and I really wanna hold you and maybe uhm... kiss.. you!" He says quickly. I snort, giggling. "I like you too luci" I say softly. My fingers caress his hand. He smiles like a school girl. "REALLY?? Uh-.. I mean, of course you do, I'm like, the hottest" He grins, trying to seem cocky. "Oh yeah, the hottest" I smile, and kiss his forehead. He blushes deeply and nods. Letting out unintelligable noises. Maybe I finally have found love. Maybe its all worth it. Maybe I do desserve love.

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[steddieas-shegoes]

I hope I'm doing this right!

For the ⚡️lightning round⚡️

They're not yet dating *gasp*. But they're already so gone for each other and, idk, tracing their fingers over the other's body and face while being impossibly close... and just being devastatingly in love without really realising it. Bonus points if they're observed by their friends who are amazed about the whole thing. I really hope I did it right lol.

Annnnnnnd. hooooly shit!!!

2,5k followers?!

That's amazing!!! You deserve each one of them. The people need to know how talented you are! You're incredible ✨️🤩💙💚

FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I actually cannot believe I'm only a few away. It's blowing my mind. And I am sooooo lucky to have so many amazing people like you who are always around for all the fun (and sometimes not as fun) things! 💖

I'm gonna put this under the cut just because it's mature-ish.

Steve still didn't enjoy getting into his pool, but he loved having everyone over to swim. But he was never alone.

Eddie didn't really enjoy swimming at all, so he sat with Steve.

At first, they just sat in chairs next to each other, found stuff to talk about.

Then they started sitting in the same chair, laughing at the kids getting into stupid fights and taking turns getting them snacks and drinks.

Now, Steve was in his lap, head on his shoulder, as they both watched everyone else enjoy their time in the pool.

Eddie's arms were wrapped around him, his finger tracing patterns on Steve's arm.

Steve's hand rested on Eddie's chest, feeling his heartbeat, reminding himself that Eddie was here.

At some point over the last six months, his nightmares evolved from watching his own failures, to watching Eddie die. Over and over and over again.

But feeling his heartbeat under his hand, feeling his fingers on his arm, tracing words he couldn't quite place, that helped.

Eddie was humming something, the soft vibrations against Steve's ear making him close his eyes and smile to himself.

"Doin' alright, sweetheart?" Eddie whispered to him after another minute.

"Mhm. You?"

"I'm great."

"Hey! Are you two lovebirds gonna get the drinks or do we need to dry off and get them ourselves?" Robin's voice yelled from the pool.

Steve stiffened in Eddie's arms.

Lovebirds.

Eddie's grip tightened, his breath warm against Steve's forehead as he whispered to him.

"You wanna come with me to get their drinks, love?"

Steve turned his face into Eddie's neck, let his lips just barely brush against his skin as he whispered back.

"Yeah. Don't wanna be away from you."

It was too honest, maybe a bit too much for them.

Eddie's lips were on the top of his head, pressing a kiss there.

"Don't have to be, Stevie. C'mon."

If Steve thought about it, he knew how close they were was different, knew that nothing they did was something he'd done with other friends, not even Robin.

But it didn't have to be something to explain, not for them.

They could stay close, they could touch and whisper to each other, and let fingers map scarred and broken skin. They could let lips linger too close, too long on foreheads and necks, on shoulders and chests. They could feel safe with each other, they could feel loved, without having to set an expectation.

Someday, maybe they would. Someday, they would probably recognize this as what it so clearly was to everyone else. Someday, they would say "I love you" with words instead of touches.

But for now, for today, they loved silently, but happily.

[corvusblackk]

I SHIFTED 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 AVATAR DR

The last few times I shifted were only with intention but this time I also said affirmations that grounded me in that reality (for example: "I am ene'ya te kalin satkie'itan” , “I live in Pandora”, “I am a na'vi”, etc…), and I went to sleep with the mentality that I was already there in Pandora.

I took notes right after I came back btw so everything was still fresh in my mind, then I added it all together and I tried to make a storytime as detailed as I can. I probably don’t remember well all the things but I tried my best to make everything accurate to what happened.

Okay so let me start.

I had scripted that Lo'ak would wake me up but that didn't happen, instead when I opened my eyes (I don't know what time it was because we don't keep track of time with clocks there) i got kind of scared because I found myself with my face squashed in a hammock so I could see everything from a big height and thought I could fall at any moment. This time I immediately realized that I had shifted because 1. I scripted it and 2. everything was too different, starting from the environment (forest) and ending on myself (literally blue), but I didn't even feel strong emotions like in the other shifts idk why, I was already used to being there as if I've always been there (in that reality it's obvious that I've always been there but you know what I mean).

As I was getting up I was told something like “you finally woke up, we thought you were dead” or something like that because it was said in Na'vi (now that I’m back I think its so weird that I knew and was used to a completely different language). Anyway, in the end it was Tuk who had spoken and she was standing next to a surface of worked wood with stuff on it that looked like exotic fruit. When I got up from the hammock for a moment it was strange to feel so huge (and semi-naked lol) and blue, but this too was super normal so I didn't think about it much.

There around the table, besides Tuk, were my father and one of my sisters and everything immediately became normal, I got back the memories and knowledge of that reality and I had the feeling that this reality was now a distant memory, or a dream, and it was there instead that I belonged. Tuk was at our place because she wanted to have breakfast with us, so then we started eating these seeds which were called pxorna and a type of fruit which name I don't remember, then there was also the spartan fruit which I think was the one from the first film (which Jake tastes for the first time in his new body). My mother and my other sister had gone hunting since I had woken up late, meanwhile then I decided to take Tuk back to her family and bro, I expected to be super excited to meet the rest of the Sully family but instead it was normal like everything else 😭 (now that I'm back here I've been freaking out the whole time that is, I still don't realize but okay).

Neytiri is fucking beautiful btw, and Jake is ethereal irl and is much more patient with the children since the sky people wasn’t there yet. Kiri is like in the movie I have nothing to add, she is nice to me but she is very sarcastic. Lo'ak is quite a kid lmao, even though he's in his 20s he acted a bit annoying and rebellious just because (obviously I love Lo'ak but I'm just describing how he was there, I’m not judging him) but still he was my best friend and i have to say we were very similar now that i think back on it.

Neteyam on the other hand.. bro, the most annoying person in the world, I’LL EXPLAIN RIGHT AWAY don't attack me. Practically, clever as I am, I scripted an enemies to lovers with him, not considering that actually in the "enemies" phase we would have been "enemies" and I have to say okay: it's not that we hated each other or were really enemies, but we kind of couldn't stand not even breathe the same air. He still always had that protective older brother personality and was kind/available to everyone BUT NOT WITH ME, I really pissed him off 😭 but it was mutual so yea. In fact, when he saw me bring Tuk back he snorted and changed seats so I remember that I kind of teased him about it but I don't remember exactly what I said to him.

Later I went out with Lo'ak and we went to get the ikrans because he wanted to go to Tsireya and wanted me to accompany him lmao because they weren't really together yet so he was shy. We had another friend called Nìmäng (he isn’t in the movies), and he was much more serious than us; I don't know how he could be our friend but somehow it worked because he balanced our non-seriousness. In short, we took the ikrans (mine is called Zeswavi) and y’all, it's a one of a kind experience, you feel the wind stinging your skin and you perceive in your body everything the ikran is feeling, then don't make fun of me but you also feel invincible, it's so incredible (I recommend you to shift there just to experience this thing).

When we arrived in Awa'atlu (I scripted that it's only 10 minutes flight away because I'm smart) it was just spectacular, it looked like the Maldives🧍🏼 but much much better. So, now I want you to trust me when I say that I had to hold back not to jump on Tonowari, that man is irresistible and so mighty irl, I can't do it lorddd. Ronal didn't like me that much and frankly I'm afraid it was because she saw me drooling over her husband. Tsireya is lovely, the kindest person there I must say, as well as Rotxo. Ao'nung on the other hand.. an infernal beast, literally; he’s cool I mean, but he was really annoying, he liked to tease me and provoke me every 5 minutes, but I responded by hitting him so it was all balanced.

The rest of the day was spent swimming with the ilus, playing a kind of ping pong with barks and also fishing at some point, which would have been very boring if it weren't for Ao'nung who, although annoying, is really funny. Later Kiri and Tuk also joined us, Neteyam as well, with whom I had a fight because I hit him on the head with the fishing net (it was actually hilarious). Before the eclipse we went back to the forest and brought back some of the fish we had caught, my mother cooked it and wrapped it in seaweed and it was all so good man.

We then all gathered around a bonfire and sang songs, other na'vis sang and some danced, it was truly magical. For a moment I stared at Neteyam because, even if I couldn't stand him, he was really beautiful under the firelight, but when he saw me he said like "what are you looking at, skxawng?" (“idiot”) so I insulted him and started ignoring him again lol.

At night I decided to shift here again because the experience was so beautiful that I wanted to tell everyone about it.

Thanks for reading this all <3 go shift!

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

birthday and pronouns and fascism, oh my

since my birthday means it was time to update my blog bio, @actuallylukedanes made the excellent suggestion that i also post about it.

cuz while i needed to update my age (woo, a round number! maybe it won't take me six months of adjusting to remember how old i am, for once!) and i update my blog title constantly, sometimes more than once a day, lol...i also finally updated my pronouns.

so if you've known me for years or just happened by my little corner of the internet cuz you saw something you like, i don't know about you but i'm heading into my yeah maybe we're all gonna end up dead or imprisoned but i'd rather fight some fascists era as this coming year approaches.

so i'm here to support (and as much as i can, protect) my family and friends and people who need help, and i understand the battening down the hatches of every person who has to be more careful now, who can feel the precarity of their rights and safety more acutely than ever. i'm also worred about my own rights and safety, as a disabled queer mentally ill fat person in the world, whose only income is ssdi and only safety net is (wonderful, yet piecrust-precarious) community.

but i remain the same person who was labeled both 'ornery' and 'little miss contrary' by my grandmother as a child, and i suspect that's why my response to the truly horrific possible futures we could be heading into is Time To Get Louder Then. i don't plan to take ill-advised risks, but i also have no interest in quieting myself down.

therefore! since i have, for life/mental health reasons, ghosted my own blog for so long that i kind of didn't post through a lot of developments, i am here to say that my bio update includes pronoun changes because, well, pronouns (like people) change. though i haven't actually changed so much as figured out more accurate descriptors, over the last little while.

i've said on here for years that my gender is 'person wearing a red shirt at target' and that still feels true, because my identity is less a firm, specific thing than it is a lack of a thing. as somebody afab and socialized that way, some descriptors don't bother me at all, like terms of endearment from people i love. and broad common female pronouns (she, here) feel more clinical, somehow, as if that degenders them a little. whereas ones like 'ma'am' and even 'female' feel *more* gendered.

idk why that is, or why things that feel girly to me grate on my brain in the first place. but in my 20s and 30s, i couldn't explain why i identified as gay or queer yet was deeply uncomfortable with 'lesbian.' now i know, and as much as it feels like further complicating my descriptors (i've already got 5 different disorders! i contain multitudes!) it's a huge relief to have the language.

some of which, also wasn't new. i think i found the term agender a while back, at least a few years ago. i'd never seen a description that fit me before, not quite so well. i identify as lacking gender, wanting to exist outside of the recognition of gender--i understand the different gender labels/norms and respect them for other people, however they identify...but for me, gender feels like a lie.

it's only within the last year sometime that i finally figured out, with the help of resources via my best friend, that being agender fits under the nonbinary umbrella, which can also fit under the umbrella of trans. i've never thought of myself as someone with gender dysphoria, and that gave me this huge feeling of 'identifying as trans would be claiming something i have no right to.'

so i had to think about that a while. i had an epiphany moment (thanks to the barbie movie, of all things) where i had a physical reaction to a thing as if it were an attack directed at me. that was when i realized i may not feel like i have the right, thanks to internalized stuff, to call myself trans--but i feel part of the community whether i say it or not. and even though i don't mind 'she,' anytime my best friend refers to me with 'they' it gives me a little glowy feeling.

so, again, this might not be huge news for all of you. a lot of you have been my friends for years. but it's nice to officially add agender to my 'asexual queer-romantic' breakdown, and mentally expand the umbrella of where i fit, and with who. and it feels like well past time to do it publicly.

[leoruby-draws]

Having something a little different here, not really introducing a new team member per say, but a friend and ally of sorts. Here's Tom Bronson aka Tomcat, son of Ted Grant aka Wildcat! I love cats, look how many are in this pic, everyone's having a fun time (except Grant lol).

Tom debuted in Justice Society of America 2007, which I enjoyed tho it lacked the space for all those characters (a common problem I noticed in a lot of earth 2/jsa stuff), Since he was introduced in the first issue, you would think that he'd be a pretty important character onwards. But alas, he rarely got any focus past the early few issues, even in JSA All-Stars he wasn't given a lot of page time. Then new52 hit and he got erased, not sure if he's been re-introduced back yet.

He and Ted had a pretty good relationship in the book, Tom never blamed Ted for not being in his life and even actively keep up the distance as an adult. Up until Vandal Savage tries to attack them at least. Here in the TrWh au, it can be assumed Tom was discovered at an earlier age (he's 11 to Jason's 10 btw).

Also I said up there that Tom isn't a new team member, but I did wanted to do that originality. That's because in the comics, Tom really didn't like fighting at all when Ted meet him. And that's because Tom has a secret ability to transform into a werecat, something he inherited from his mother. Ironically he keep it secret from her, maybe that'll change in this au.

Ted seemed to help Tom get over his hang-up over fighting somehow, it's not really explained how exactly (like I said, Tom didn't get much focus past tho early issues).I wished that he kinda keep up his reluctant pacifism, it's a unique outlook in a world full of heroes and villains fighting each other.

So at the moment he's a non-combatant ally of the Outlaws, maybe that'll change later who knows.

Since I'm introducing him at at an earlier age, he's still in that anti-fighting mindset, and prefers to stay out of trouble. So he can't really help the team in combat issues, but they can still hang out and have fun in other ways.

Tom's tries to come off as cool and standoffish, but that seems to be a way to hide his skittish and kind-hearted nature. He's been feeling stressed and lonely, esp with how his mother is currently sick and bedridden. Perhaps some friends will do him good!

Here's Tom hanging out with the other Wildcats, his father and Yolanda Montez. Tom is fun to draw, esp in his werecat form. I might be making him more like a cat than a panther, but cats are so fun to draw. I'm basing some this of my mom's own cat, a black cat like Tom.

I really liked Yolanda, she had a real aura of confidence and was really outspoken about what she wanted. I admit I might be a bit biased, since I'm also a Latina as well (¯\_(ツ)_/¯). You can see her trying to 'help' Tom with training to fight, he doesn't seem to enthused with the idea. There's also Ted showing affection with his son, look at the mini cat suit, Tom is so done lol.

More of Tom spending time with Yolanda, they have fun together. Btw Yolanda might already be Wildcat at this point or at least just about to, a bit earlier than in canon but why not?

Jason messes with Tom, he can't help himself. Tom doesn't seem to know how to react with Jason sometimes, esp when Jason jokes around with him. But the jokes never feel too mean-spirited so it's not too much of a bother.

If you ever read Fruits Basket, then you know there's this character with the ability to call forth cats to him. Tom doesn't quite have that power but cats seem to gravitate to him anyways. Looks like Jason called in a favor for his little brother Damian.

Here's a comic that I'd meant to go on a little longer but couldn't think up of what to come next. It's meant to show how Tom meets the team and decides to become friends. Tom seems unsure and almost insecure about why he's being 'recruited' to be friends. Rose seems surprised at Tom's stance but Eddie seems happy to make another friend. But why does Jason want to be friends?

You know there's been some meta about how Jason probably wouldn't have mind not being Robin and just be the civilian son of Bruce Wayne. YMMV on whether you can agree with that or not, I can see reasoning for it tho it should be noted Jason was really ecstatic to be Robin. I'll keep it ambiguous on whether or not Jason would want to hang up the cape, but I keep this reasoning in mind for his interactions with Tom. Tom not wanting to fight at all is a viewpoint Jason has not really come across in his interactions with heroes. As said in the comic, he finds it 'interesting'. Perhaps he was also drawn to Tom's conviction in his ideals as well, maybe Jason finds it kinda admirable in a way.

The team Jason, Rose and Eddie made is in some ways a place to have fun and hang out, to escape from lonely and unhappy lives. It the same reason why other members of the team joined in, to just do things their own way and on their own time. Members come and go at their leisure (the team have multiple places to hang but no official headquarters) so it's a fairly casual and unrestricted type of team. Having a member who doesn't even fight is not really a problem. Though Tom sometimes feels lonely when team members go out on combat missions, and he gets left behind.

There's also the little detail of the team being 'unofficial', I don't think I ever shown that info before. Though I'll probably talk about that for another time.

Well, hope you liked that!

[etherealspacejelly]

hi dad, i'm having some internal conflict. i've always been a really anxious person (which is probably due to undiagnosed anxiety disorders) and i've never really "fit in." i've been treated as weird all my life. i've never understood tone and i get in a lot of trouble with my parents for this (even though i've explained i can't control it), i go nonverbal for brief periods of time occassionally, loud noises and bright lights cause me pain like extreme headaches, i always feel the need to follow self-created routines in order to feel safe, i don't understand social boundaries all too well, i intensely hyperfixate, i'm extremely hyperempathetic, etc. i've never understood why i'm the way i am. then i started learning more about autism and i think i may have it. many of my autistic friends seem to think so.

but my parents don't believe me and don't like me researching mental health stuff. they don't think i'm "autistic enough" because my mom used to work with autistic kids who were almost always nonverbal and on a more extreme end of the spectrum. i mask all the time too, as a defense mechanism since i get in so much trouble for misunderstanding. hell, my parents won't even get me an official anxiety diagnosis (even though i've had symptoms since the moment the signs can appear) because they think "labels don't matter."

and the big problem that comes along with this is, i don't want to self diagnose and seem disrespectful to diagnosed autistic people. i've done a lot of research and gotten a lot of opinions from neurodivergent people in my life, but i still feel fake because i have no access to a diagnosis. so many people have told me to try to get one and my parents completely refuse.

is it okay to self diagnose? will diagnosed people find this disrespectful? i'm not exactly sure how to go about this. it'll most likely be several years at best before i can get medically diagnosed.

tldr; i may be autistic but i have no access to a diagnosis and feel guilty about self diagnosing. any advice?

thank you and sorry if this was too vent-ish, i just wanted to see if you had any thoughts <3 feel free to ignore this ask if it's too overwhelming /gen

baby. honey. sweetpea. let me tell you something

autistic people actually dont care if you self diagnose. in fact, many of us are self diagnosed. diagnoses can be inaccessible for many reasons, and its perfectly understandable if you cant or dont want to get one

i can absolutely relate to you. my mum works with disabled kids too, and insisted that i couldn't be autistic because she "would have known". she considers herself an expert, but somehow missed all the signs in me. i guess because i am also quite high masking.

you definitely sound autistic to me, and if other neurodivergent people who know you agree then you probably are. autistic people can sense each other lol

i remember once when i friend of mine came to me and was like "hey btw im autistic" and i was like "yeah i know. you told me" and they were like. "um. no i couldnt have told you i only got diagnosed a few days ago and this is the first time we've spoken since then" and i was like. oh. i just Sensed it, you know? i just fuckin knew

so yes. you can self diagnose. thats perfectly fine. and if anyone tells you that you cant or that you're somehow "harming the autistic community" you can tell them to fuck off. self diagnosis does not harm the autistic community in any way, but it can really benefit people like you.

i hope someday you can get the accommodations you need and deserve. in the meantime, please give yourself grace. you're trying your best. and im proud of you, ok?

[bebx]

Hey there! I hope you are doing well. I don't mean to bother you again as you are gonna figure out I am the same person who asked about your unexpectedly but hopefully temporary drifting away from ST sub fandom hehe. So I decided to do my homework and see if you probably left some clues or hints regarding your hiatus from it before but unfortunately I couldn't find any unless my dumb@$$ missed it despite thorough research as if I was looking for easter eggs in a deeply layered show like ST. My search report :- It had been going well on your side even when there was a drought in HC contents but slowly it lost the 'momentum' which I feel you played a key role in wonderfully building up yourself, ironically right at the moment of D-day which honestly feels like if reality had tv drama like loopholes lol.

So all I have now is what you last said to me that you are busy with stuffs and other things like hyperfixation on a character from Harrow series { although I haven't watched it yet but based on your enthusiasm which mostly resonates with my own interest, I have added it in my watchlist :) Cuz Bingo I can't tell you how happy I was when I found you with the same sentiments as mine after watching Damsel! } plus point is you did mention how he is certainly still in your heart and you are planning to make more posts and fanfic about him in future. So I decided to wait, months passed with more tempting Henry Creel info pouring while I still kept up with *patiently waiting for my favorite Tumblr user's ST fandom era to resurface as well as coexist with her new obsession of Harrow series*, so that one hyperfixation won't have to be sacrificed for another still worthy subject of hyperfixation :) Hence it has been quite an introspective and empathetic time but now I am like "okay at least lemme just ask her how she has been and what exactly is the status", to stifle my other apprehensive thoughts forming with the passing time as well as disappearing silver lining( as there is no sign of either Henry or JCB these days at all lol apart from Jamie Bower World Domination post) out of overthinking.

I always felt your contribution to this fandom has been immensely valuable and even though others may or may not have been enough reminding you that as I can see I am probably the only anonymous seeker regarding digging this matter up, I miss you and your blogs about it. I have mostly been a lurker kind so I never interactively participated in any discussion or thread but I have always inwardly appreciated people with a good taste of art. So even if anonymously, this is a great deal to me, sharing my wish embedded in vulnerability. *nervously chuckles* Idk if this is a stretch but given how what Jamie manually allows to be displayed on his tagged section had most of your posts, tells me that he must have subconsciously felt your absence lately too. The fact that this is true tho, makes it a reasonable theory.

So now after hopefully doing a great job at explaining the deep context behind my "ask away" here are the main deal of questions xD;-

How are you, once again? (I don't want to pressurize you into rejoining it earlier than you planned according to your life and schedules uk. Besides I don't wanna interrupt your balancing of multifandom fascination.)

Is there any particular reason behind this seemingly complete "switch off mode" which you can share? ( because my Spidey senses keep feeling it's more than what it is, could be false alarm tho) Could it be potentially because Stranger Things is so addictive, it is not possible to keep a track of its updates while continuing with hyper fixating on other fandoms?

If the aforementioned fear is unfounded, then here are my other theories and questions, have you stumbled upon the TFS spoilers of any kind?

If no, are you planning to watch it LIVE soon or later? (as the canon play is gonna stick around for a long time) is this why have you been avoiding discussions as they would involve major spoiling of the experience?

Or are you planning of watching it whenever it streams on Netflix as technically it just has to one day?

Have you been weakly following any ST S5 leaks? ( as we finally got a very *greatest leak of all time* kind of leak not even exactly 24 hours ago lol) [to tell you the truth- this is exactly what triggered me to get some clarifications from you, as despite knowing that I would open your page only to be greeted by Harrow, deep down I felt maybe you would say something about it because it directly involves JCB and it's quite making waves already.]

Did you check out the VR Game released this February?

Or are you taking a complete long break for a while because once S5 release date inches closer, there is no going back from its fever for another 2-3 years anyways? haha ( ngl this is my most optimistic theory I am clinging onto)

(optional question xD) Am I seriously the only one approaching you by bringing this old buried fascination or others have felt the same way too and they express their perplexity in your inbox instead?

(anyways I will be very grateful if you respond to my plethora of mystified emotions even though I think it would secretly answer to many other lurkers like me who found a sense of kindred spirit through you but are too busy abiding by their lurking policy)

hi, I’ve been looking at this for…. a while, because… oh my 😅 I understand that it’s been so long since my Stranger Things era, and I know some of my followers follow me for my Henry / ST content. I just didn’t know my silly ST posts actually have this much impact that they stay in people’s memories even after it’s been a long time. so this ask actually brings back so many memories. and I really appreciate that you’re still sticking around. really. I had to take a moment to just sit here and stare at this ask in my inbox and go “whoa” — but it’s a good kind of whoa. I am touched that you still remember, because gosh how long has it been since my ST days!

to answer your questions, I am fine and I am doing well. thank you. I didn’t mean to “abandon” my interest. and I AM still interested in the show. I still love Henry, even though I don’t really talk about him on here anymore. it’s funny because a part of me is kind of sad that I don’t talk about him on here anymore? to tell you the truth, anon, I don’t exactly know why? I mean… sure, my blog currently focuses on something else, but I never really stop loving Henry as a character. this sounds extremely cliche, but it’s the truth. I still love him and I still think about him and those time I spent writing fics about him.

I don’t know if there’s any particular reason behind this, according to you, seemingly complete "switch off mode" on my blog. but there’s no conspiracy theory or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about? I just kind of focus my attention on something else, for the moment, but again, I still do love Henry. just because I don’t talk about him here like I used to does not mean I love him any less. rest assured. he’s still in my heart.

I haven’t stumbled upon any real TFS spoilers, but that’s probably because I don’t follow many blogs that talk about it so it rarely reaches my dashboard anyway.

and I don’t live near the place where the play takes place, so unfortunately I don’t see myself traveling there to watch it live, as life has been a little busy for me here to take that kind of vacations. but I would have loved to. if the time were right. I do look forward to streaming it when or if it becomes available on Netflix though.

I haven’t been following ST leaks much, I can’t see “weekly” because I kind of just look at them if they reach my dashboard here or my twitter’s/X’s timeline. but I don’t actively go search for it nor do I avoid it for fear of any potential spoilers either. but I did just see the leaks you talked about, and I’m actually very excited. it actually reminded me of my fic “Salvation” — I’m not sure if you’ve read it, but yeah. gosh I am genuinely very excited.

though I haven’t checked out the VR Game. I mean… I don’t really play video games so that might explain why.

and no. I’m not “taking a long break” because I think there is no going back from its fever for another 2-3 years after season 5 is released. I don’t even know why I’m “taking a break” except that my mind has just been focusing on something else, currently.

also, yes, some people have asked, and I haven’t had the chance to answer them (I’ve been meaning to, though), so this might be the answer they were looking for as well? there’s no “real reason” behind my lack of activity when it comes to ST fandom, except that I’ve been focusing my attention on something else lately, but that doesn’t mean I love the show — or especially Henry — any less. I still am a fan of the show and of Henry. and I still love Jamie with all my heart, obviously. I still keep up with him and his music and I am so incredibly proud of him as an artist and a person.

I am super excited to see Henry again when season 5 drops. I don’t know when or if my hyperfixation will come back, so I wouldn’t wish to make any promises. but what I can say for sure is that, even though it’s not exactly a hyperfixation, I still love Henry just the same. I hope I will start making lots of posts and writing fics about him again one day.

last but not least, I will always love and support Jamie in everything he does. and he will forever be my source of happiness that keeps me going when things are difficult.

I also want to thank you for reaching out. it means so very much to me. if there is any further matter you wish to talk or discuss with me about, you are very welcome to drop by my inbox anytime.

(and yes, I still love talking about Stranger Things and Henry here. anybody is more than welcome to drop by my inbox to talk to me about Henry — who knows, it might re-spark that hyperfixation within me…)

[ask-numberjacks]

IT'S LORE TIIIIIIMEEEEE

SO

This is my theory on the Numberjacks' (and meanies', kind of?) creation and anatomy. To begin with, I'll talk about how I think they were created.

The Brain Gain Machine is quite obviously not fully machine. It can move, talk and a lot of weird green goop is involved??? Which I don't think would be there if it was completely machine. So I think it is a cyborg. And it originally looked something like this. I think it is parasite-esque, using the sofa as some kind of shell. My lore theory/AU(?) says that there were 2-3 of these, the others being destroyed and this one being damaged, so it was modified to be a cyborg. Since the Numberjacks and Meanies are somewhat alien, I think they all share a godlike creator that sent the Brain Gains to Earth to then later send signals to them (via the 'cables' on top of it) that 'spawned' the characters. The other Brain Gains would have been the ones that created the Meanies.

Numberjack birth I guess?

Since they are literally maths, the Numberjacks are just physical forms given to mathematical concepts/structures. Since they are created by the Brain Gain Machine, they do not need to reproduce (hence not having reproductive organs).

'But if the Numberjacks are maths given physical forms, what about the Meanies?' You might ask. Well, since they are more complex, with more specific abilities of their own, they are physical forms given to concepts, for example, topology (in Shape Japer's case).

Now on to the anatomy of the characters.

Their organs are somewhat similar to that of humans, but do not have all of the same ones. Since, as I've said before, they are just maths given a physical form, they do not grow or change in any way naturally. (The younger characters would be pretty small if that was the case.) However, since they are still living beings, they need to eat to survive. It'd also be pretty obvious if they did need to use the bathroom because Zero, One and possibly Two would be wearing nappies/diapers.

I think they'd also have an organ that I will call:

a Changeheart.

Which would be of similar size to that of their regular heart, except it gives them them a mild ability to change how things are mathematically described (and since the way things are described can't be changed, the thing being described has to change itself). The reason this would work is because I think the godlike being I mentioned earlier would be the Mathematical Universe Hypothesis given form, and the hypothesis is that our external reality is a mathematical structure. (You can tell I did a lot of research on this lol)

'Waste' products from their stomach are burned as fuel by this organ.

The changeheart gives out pulses (presumably bioelectric? Idk I'm not that good at science) containing the change that needs to be made to the surrounding area's structure. The Brain Gain Machine picks up on these pulses, concentrates them and sends them to a specific location to be used by another person with a changeheart.

The reason it has the same green goopy stuff as Brain Gain is because the Brain Gain itself has a changeheart, just a really big and more complex one.

Now on to human forms! Since I feel like it should be explained for various reasons.

Since they are 'aliens', they would not be born with a humanoid form. I think several other characters other than the Puzzler and the Numbertaker have humanoid forms since it has been implied that they have done things that only humans would be able to do (mostly shown in the audio stories). They may have one opportunity to visualize and shift into a human form that will be that form for as long as they live (which is forever). Since visualizing a human form means knowing what a human looks like, they would've only seen humans as they are usually, which also means their human forms would not have... you know. And anyway since they are all technically biologically agender they couldn't do that.

me right now

Oh gosh that was a lot. If you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading! I hope you found it interesting.

If you have any questions about this or want to know more about, for example, the Meanies' anatomies, feel free to ask in the ask box thingy!

[tr1ck5]

I wasn't originally planning on writing any of this, but I've read so many wonderful and deeply personal love letters to FFVIII yesterday and today for its 25th anniversary that it kind of emboldened me to.

So here goes I guess, kind of somewhat personal wall of text about a ps1 game, under the cut. You've been warned!

Okay now I don't know how to start. You could say FFVIII came into my life at exactly the right time for me to absolutely imprint on it.

I remember playing the demo that came with a bunch of other demos from a PSN magazine; I'd watched my older brother play a lot of FFVII beforehand and I was enchanted by the story, graphics and characters, the music... Even though my understanding of english at the time was next to mediocre so I relied on him to explain things a lot. I was like... 8 or 9 then so loads of subjects and plot points went completely over my head but it didn't matter at all to me (It was kind of hilarious when I replayed it when I was older because I was like damn, this story is a LOT more convoluted/complicated than I remember wth??? Lmao)

When VIII finally released and I watched my brother play, I was now 10/11 and sometimes he'd play without me so I missed a lot of stuff (and it's rather funny because I remember looking at Squall and co at first and being like whoa, those adults have got their shit together so much and wow how I ever could have looked at Squall and thought that, is beyond me lmao) but when he was done with it I picked it up and played. And sucked. But it stayed with me through my teenage years, never too far.

I was then a lot more fluent in english and literature in general so it pretty much was my first real big 'story-driven' video game ever. I was so damn invested, and, perhaps most of all, I saw myself in Squall so damn much it was borderline uncanny. I think it's so comforting (or alarming depending on how you want to look at it lol) that that seems to be a common thing for all of us die-hard fans. We just 'get it', don't we?

I've... always been a 'weird' kid. That kid other kids somehow know to stay away from, because something is 'off' with them, before they learn how to mock and bully. And I was aware of my 'otherness' as much as them, for as long as I can remember. I never quite fit in, anywhere, no matter how hard I tried. I didn't have a lot of friends, and the very few I had I always kept at arms' length for self-preservation reasons. If I was never vulnerable, if they knew nothing deeper than surface-level stuff about me, they could never hurt me. And this way I wouldn't get too attached, so when they left it wouldn't hurt. Sound familiar?

Admittedly it's safe to assume that I had a somewhat fucked-up childhood (I mean, I wasn't an orphan forced to become a child soldier but still lol) as these behaviours didn't appear out of nowhere, and Squall's inner monologues and way of seeing things just resonated so much with me, I couldn't believe this guy was the hero that saved the day, despite all his traumas and anxiety... But he was. And he did. And his friends cared for him despite it all. And someone fell in love with him, flaws and all. He realized his way of life wasn't sustainable forever and he just... changed. But he wasn't unlovable. He wasn't irredeemable and broken! I cried so much the first time I finished that game. It felt so fucking unfair, I felt like I'd grown and matured right alongside Squall but as the credits rolled and the tv screen turned black I was met with my reflection; alone, in my room. Where were my friends, where was my Rinoa?

I'm an extremely private person. Sharing deep things about myself is extremely difficult for me and twice now I've come this close to erasing the entirety of this post. I have to fight the voice in my head that says this is irrelevant and useless at best, and dangerous to divulge so much personal info at worst. When I talk about personal things, even to the people closest to me, I start shaking and I feel nauseous and cold all over. Even today, right now as I'm typing this!

But this damn video game made me realize that I would never be happy and at peace if I was never honest and vulnerable. Because when you spend years around someone and know loads of things about them yet they know nothing about you, you're not a friend; you're an acquaintance. To love is to give a person the means to hurt you and trust them not to. You have to take that leap.

I eventually found my friends, and my Rinoa; I'm still having trouble trusting and opening up and relying on others but it got better, and it gets better still, and it's in part because of that. one. video game. Ain't that just crazy? A little bit, probably. Who cares.

I feel this wall of text of a post is all over the place and probably TMI but wow good on you for reading through it all lmao. Am I gonna regret posting this in the morning? Most definitely. But hopefully I have the strenght to leave it up. Hopefully someone somewhere can also relate, like I've related so much to all of your posts on this game! Ultimately I am deeply grateful and amazed by this community, we're the black sheeps, the underdogs, the often ill-understood... But I wouldn't want it any other way.

Happy 25th anniversary, Final Fantasy VIII.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

re parent regret article.... recently got my mom to admit she and my dad are deeply unhappy and the only reason they got married and had kids (in their early 20s, and it has dictated every moment of their lives since) is because it was what was expected of them and they felt like it was just the thing to do ... its very upsetting to think of how unhappy and unfulfilled my parents are but at the same time its kind of freeing because I understand a lot of their actions better now and their inability to raise us and give me the care I needed. this year I am older than my parents were when they had my oldest sibling and I kind of feel like im older than them now because theyve never fully grown past that point at least not as individuals. ya I suppose everyone has their paths in life and it all fits together and works and means something but it is very sad to realize your childhood was painful because your parents were really just not suited to be parents and couldn't have done any better. im trying to not be weighed down by their lack of self actualization and to be an example for them by manifesting my life in the way I want despite them being upset by it, and to encourage them to become real people now that theyre 60.. umm ya sorry your inbox has become my therapy sessions recently it just feels so much better to confess these things anonymously and write it all out to someone instead of trying to explain to someone face to face and have it deal with their responses. plus i think u understand a lot of my issues although objectively our lives are quite different! anyway yeah hope you have a nice day!!!! xoxo 2012 :3

ilu <3 i relate to much of this i will detail my thoughts below , im glad my inbox can be of use to u i believ The Confessional is a very necessary function in society it can be so transcendent to get something off your chest w/o having to affect your personal life in any way ^^ and i did have a super nice day ty i hope u did too..<3 :readmore:

it is really crazy to think about the pressure ppl face to start families , seems to be less prevalent now but yeah even 20-30 yrs ago it was just, What You Do.. for my parents, they were in love, and i think they rly did want kids, they were together for 5 years before doing it they planned it out, i DO believe they were soulmates. but then once the reality set in idrk there was just this disconnect. my dad was the more nurturing parent, and he had kids from a prior marriage so he knew wat he was in for, i think he missed my brothers a lot so he had perspective. i assume anyway. but he was also major alcoholic which i thought was normal for so long (in england it is i spose). that took up a lot of his time. i know so little about him or his inner workings its quite torturous to me lol.

and my mom is still alive but i know so little about her too, other than stuff i learned thru drunken outbursts. when i try to ask her anything remotely personal or emotional now she stonewalls me so hard :/ she's always just been closed. her childhood was Horrific tho like both her parents were still minors when she was born, her mom is a WW2 orphan and her dad was a delinquent forced to enlist in the navy instead of being sent to juvie. all the stuff she HAS revealed to me abt her life is absolutely bats**t. its awful like i genuinely can not feel a single morsel of bitterness towards my mom knowing wat she's been thru.

that being said i WAS extremely angry at her for a big portion of my life its been a journey to unravel. but at this point i feel so much forgiveness idek how i got here or when. but i love her unconditionally! i also feel that my moms self actualization was rly stunted, not even by having kids but by my dads death, and being left with these kids she has to care for alone, oh god if i try to imagine how she felt it turns my insides to stone. like it really fractured her soul and made existing problems spiral out of control. although that being said she is doing WAY better now in comparison to the past, im rly proud of her. when we talk i try to always encourage her like u say..

really the best medicine is being able to zoom out and view the big picture of Life, not just your life but how all our lives fit together, when you zoom out you can spot the patterns find the order in the chaos. for ages n ages i cldnt understand the reason everything in my life was hell while all these other ppl i knew seemed to have it so normal. Nowadays i can understand how it lead me here, the trajectory and timing of everything, it brought me a lot of EXPerience i can use to help others..Even just by having this blog where i can talk about vulnerable topics , ppl tell me it helps them, i begin to see a new sense of value in my endured sufferings. if i feel like im healing someone that heals me ..

thanx for the msg :] ermm i hope my response dont come off as traumadumping or something LOL i write this all with a matter-of-fact tone in mind. just explaining some stuff for anyone who may need it. hope u have a good night 2012-chan keep shining bright for your family.. <3pmd9

[colormepurplex2]

Heyyy, I'm new to your blog and I really enjoyed reading golden cufflinks. The writing, plot and sotyline was amazing! I noticed there were some things mentioned regarding oc's past relationships and stuff but it wasn't elaborated much, and I would really like to know what she had gone through. Also, the relationship of Hayun and jungkook lasted for more than 5 years and he was in LOVE love with her (even though she wasnt his true mate), so how can just a single day make his feelings for her vanish, I mean, I genuinely want to know what he went through and how he dealt with all that, even though he was okay with the cheating, but still. Isn't 5 years a lot to forgive and forget? Also, I really want to know the major differences in the relationship dynamics between him and hayun, and him and oc! Like is he treating her the same way as he was treating hayun?

I'm sorry if my questions sound stupid! I'm just very interested to know haha.

Hi, Anon!

Welcome! Happy to have you in my little world 💜 These are all absolutely wonderful questions, but admittedly, the answers aren't included in the story because of a few factors, lol! This story was supposed to be just a short >5k drabble, but clearly, that didn't quite work out. However, I did try to make it as short as possible while still staying true to my writing style and needs as a creative. And in that, there are a few things that were incorporated organically into the story but didn't necessarily get their whole spotlight moment—

Some explanations below that contain spoilers!

—such as the comment about past relationships for the FMC and how she felt the keen sting of her own experience with betrayal with Hayun's confession and reluctance to want to tell Jungkook about it.

Because this was a commission piece written specifically for someone, I tried to keep things like this ambiguous enough that they could potentially incorporate their own idea as to what it might mean/what's alluded to happening in the FMC's past. So, I guess, technically, there is no actual experience that I had in mind when writing it. The phrasing just felt organic to the character, and it helped me bridge that emotional gap between the characters. It also gave me an outlet to introduce the possibility of an imperfect relationship between Hayun and JK (since it would inevitably end soon anyway) to soften the blow in a sense?

The situation with Jungkook and Hayun's relationship lasting for so long is a bit more A/B/O-centric, I think. At least, that's how I intended it. That's one of the reasons I love writing A/B/O so much. It's very open, and the lore can be almost anything the writer wants it to be—endless possibilities, truly. So, when I was trying to come up with a clever way to incorporate part of the commission prompt I received: "JK was drawn to the bff because she smelled like FMC for some reason." I knew I needed to focus on scents, but figuring out how Hayun smelled like the FMC without it being weird or simply explained as 'magic', I needed to establish how my lore would be for the true mates and what would happen when someone found theirs. So, essentially, Jungkook's 'hindbrain' or the thing that makes him an Alpha is so viscerally focused on the fact his (real) true mate has been found, that everything else is inconsequential and practically nonexistent. And because there is so little information known about true mates and how their dynamics work, Jungkook was able to fall in love with Hayun and believe she was his true mate because he didn't know any better. The draw he felt to the scent of the FMC in the bracelet Hayun was wearing, to him, was all the indicator he needed because there was nothing else to tell him differently—until he met the FMC, that is. This made it not exactly easy for him to fall out of love with Hayun, but more so that his love for Hayun couldn't exist once that instant acknowledgement of his actual true mate happened. He could (and does) still care for her, but he didn't have the capacity any longer to care about her cheating (even though he knew he should).

As far as the dynamic of his relationship with Hayun vs. the FMC, it is going to be different in the respect that the FMC is his true mate. He loved Hayun and he cared for her deeply, but unbeknownst to him, there was and would have always been something missing. They could have and potentially would have eventually realized their incompatibility. Jungkook would have started to question his belief in true mates or just how perfect true mates supposedly are. The relationship with the FMC is still so new, but for this lore, true mates are on the same basis as soulmates. They are irrevocably perfect for one another in all ways. So, it's not that he ever treated Hayun poorly, but it could pale in comparison to how he will automatically and naturally treat the FMC.

I hope this at least somewhat answers your questions! I tend to ramble and can be long-winded at times lol 😅

[pfhwrittes]

Thank you so much! I knew quite a few of the artists you listed but there were still some that are new to me, so I'm excited to check them out!!

I really appreciate how thorough your answers are and providing the links for the specific accents and slang. I feel like that will help me out a lot! I tried to do as much research as I could before I started writing, but there's only so far you can go when you don't know exactly what you're looking for in the first place.

I think Price was the only one that I couldn't exactly find out where he was supposed to be from and what that accent is supposed to be like. I really like the way he sounds in the games, but I might give Scouse!Price a try in one of my oneshots and see how that turns out. I really enjoy writing for things that are underrepresented in fandom so this might turn into my new favorite thing :) (I don't really follow any behind the scenes stuff or the actors themselves but my favorite video I ever came across was the one where Barry was showing off the 'coke and a water' he got after asking for a coconut water)

And I guess with Gaz it's not that his accent isn't as noticeable, so maybe pronounced wasn't quite the right word. I guess I'm just more familiar with the sound of a London accent. I feel like that's the stereotypical 'British' accent that is represented over here in the States, so it feels a little more basic? less embellished? not as hard to understand? Idk I feel like I'm still not quite finding the right word for it. I guess I'm more worried about using the right slang for him whereas with the rest of them it's finding the right slang AND figuring out the right way to write out the accent itself like you explained with the manc 'ya' and 'meh'

But anyways- Thank you again! I'm going to be doing a deep dive into all the links and hopefully come out on the other side a little more confident in my writing :)

Mr Blobanon 🤡

p.s. I don't mind being the Mr Blobby anon 😂 if they had an emoji for him I'd be using it right now lol but the clown will have to do for now.

mr blobanon 🤡! you're back!

i just had a thought, i know my darling @syoddeye is feeling a little under the weather at the moment BUT they have some fantastic music recs if you're looking for general vibes that might fit the characters. i fully recommend listening to the playlist they put together for their fic "For the Record", it's good stuff.

i'd love to see your take on scouse!price when you get round to it if you ever feel like sharing!

most non-uk people are more familiar with london/southern england/home counties/RP accents as that's what you see the most of in british media (booo!) so it makes sense that (for you) gaz's accent is the "default". don't worry about phrasing, i know what you mean and i'm not offended. the only time i get my hackles up is when people take the mick when it comes to regional/working class accents OR when they start up with the whole "scouse/brummie/northern accents are horrible" bullshit.

i'm trying to think of the best way i can help when it comes to solidifying gaz's slang/speech patterns but i'm drawing a bit of a blank. if there's a bit of gaz's dialogue that you're not sure sounds right i can give it a scan for you.

oh and some quick tips for making sure your british characters (specifically english) sound authentic:

it's shops, not store

traffic lights, not stop light

stop sign, not yield sign

boot (of a car), not trunk

bonnet (of a car), not hood

windscreen, not windshield

indicator, not blinker or turn signal

pavement, not sidewalk

road, not pavement

tarmac, not asphalt

bag, not purse

purse (for feminine characters), not wallet or coin purse

wallet (for masculine characters), not billfold

£50 notes are pink (and usually refused in most shops because they're fairly rare when it comes to circulation), £20s are purple, £10s are orange/yellow, £5s are blue

twenty quid note, tenner and fiver are all used commonly when referring to money (i haven't heard of a colloquial term for a £50 because i never have any 😅)

when writing out money write it as £1.20/£5.99 - not £1.20p/£5.99p unless it's less than a pound

when writing out money that's under a pound write it as 99p/20p not £0.99/£0.20

we use a blend of imperial and metric measurements just to be confusing

humans get weighed in stones and lbs AND kgs. height (in humans) gets measured as both feet and inches AND metres and centimetres

distances travelled are measured in miles not kilometres

distances measured can be in metres, feet, inches, centimetres, millimetres

volume can and will be measured in pints, gallons, litres and millilitres

that's all i can think of right now but i'm sure there's more! good luck!

[doomedfromthewombfr]

hi when i got a psychological evaluation when i was 15 they said i experience obsessions and compulsions but then nobody ever talked about it with me and i didn't know until recently (i'm 20 now) when i requested the medical records my caseworkers had. when i brought possible ocd up to my current psychiatrist he completely dismissed me. i was wondering if i could list off what i've been going through and you could just tell me simply if those things are or aren't possibly ocd symptoms . like i have a lot of things that i do but idk if they could be better explained by my other disorders (bpd, adhd, cptsd) so yeah

- if i hear about someone's boyfriend dying or cheating or something i feel like i HAVE to text my boyfriend that i love him so it doesn't happen

- i get intrusive thoughts about whether or not i love him, or if i want the abusive relationship i was in before, and when this happens i have to cut these thoughts off and throw them in a hole because if i think them out loud then that means i really feel that way and i'm bad girlfriend

- i have been hoarding food and trash since age 10. (i do have trauma of being starved so it could explain that but) i also kinda remember before my trauma i would leave rotting bowls of cereal milk in my room because it was stressful to get rid of them but also it was stressful to keep them so my whole life i've been hoarding disgusting shit and i don't want to but i can't stop

- i have a very limited diet and am often worried about my food being rotten, having hair or dirt in it, having bacteria that's gonna give me a stomach bug, being undercooked or bloody

- i get deja vu soooo often and for a while i was like "i've lived this life before and i remember this and now i don't have to ever worry about uncertainty again because i can predict the future" and then when i stopped having deja vu so often i freaked out because i couldn't get my spoilers like babe nobody knows what's going to happen that's what living is like

- interacting with something that i don't want to happen in my life means it's going to happen. since i was being starved for a few years in childhood my hair was falling out. and i was convinced that if i read stuff about hair loss online it would make the hair loss worse. and same with being on tumblr i look at my trauma content and then i scroll and see people talking about their DID or schizophrenia and i'm like "if you read this you will get that disorder in the future"

- when i go out shopping, i check that my phone is in my purse like 10 times in an hour. and then i have to make sure it's still there when i get in the car. and then i have to make sure it's still there when i get in the house.

- (i live with roommates) our washing machine was making a weird noise and i had the audacity to KEEP IT GOING WHILE I LEFT THE HOUSE and the entire time i was out i was like "it flooded the house and exploded and started a fire and killed everyone"

i'm sure there's more i just can't think of rn. but yeah should i push for ocd testing? do they give people different medications for ocd than other disorders? i've been on antidepressants my whole life and they never work cus i actually need mood stabilizers for my mood swings but who ever heard of getting proper mental health care lol

First I want to say thank you for reaching out, I know its not easy to be so vulnerable. I also have to add that I am in no way a professional. That being said I have been mentally ill for decades and have quite a bit of knowledge on OCD. Just from the things you shared, it sounds like OCD to me with intrusive thoughts and a touch of magical thinking to keep it spicy lol.

There really aren’t any specific tests for OCD but they do use some standardized assessments such as screening tools to see if OCD is an appropriate diagnosis for you.

As far as medications go, I have been on every medication, dosage and combination (with the exception of MAOIs) and they haven’t helped me much. That isn’t to say that you wouldn’t find relief from the proper combination of meds and finding the right dosages. Along with meds, a lot of people find CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to be of a great help.

If you have a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist- I would highly recommend talking to them about what you just shared with me and advocate strongly for yourself to get them to listen, evaluate you for OCD and add and/or adjust your meds.

I’m sorry that you’ve been through some terrible things. I have an ever revolving list of “safe” foods and am convinced my thoughts can change the world for better or worse. You are not alone.