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emeraldwaves · 7 years

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Title: Cacophony Chapter 8 Read from the beginning Music/Band AU Pairing: Mikorei, side Izuseri, Rating: M Word Count: 4,208

AO3 Summary for Ch8: Muna and Suoh deal with the band no longer being together thanks to @its-love-u-asshole for reading this over! Only a couple chapters left

Things should've felt more normal. Should've. Or so Munakata had thought, and yet he felt like he was missing out on so much. A week went by without practicing with Homra, then another, and it wasn't long before it had been almost an entire month with no practice.

That didn't mean Munakata wasn't playing. He'd been working on his original composition much harder than before. Scepter's admission audition was only a few weeks away, and Munakata was still going to audition as planned.

Still, it felt different. He truly did believe his playing had improved, even now as he sat at the piano, writing out the notes of his new original composition, he felt something for the piece. It held a sadness Munakata's music had never depicted before, and depending on his mood, he could also feel anger resonating from his fingertips. He still hadn't quite determined where the emotions came from, but he could finally feel them there.

Before, his music had seemed intelligent, and it had come from a place of his technical talent. There had been nothing wrong, but nothing had been emotionally interesting either. Looking back on the piece he had wrote before, he could see why they had found his music to fall flat.

This time was going to be different. If he could actually finish the damn song.

He'd taken to walking around out in the snow, listening to the bustling noises of the city. The cacophony of sound would swirl in his head like the whooshing of the wind blustering through his bangs. The sounds sometimes inspired him, and it was as though he could hear the beautiful sounds in his head. However he usually heard it as a band, as a combined unit, not just his solo piano music. Then he would return home, sit down to practice, and the sound would feel off. Like it was missing something.

Really his whole life felt like it had been missing something.

He hadn't meant to fall in love with the band, and the style of music, and...

Well, it didn't matter. Suoh had split up the group, decided to leave the rest of them behind, and there was absolutely no way Kusanagi and Yata were going to play without Suoh. It had been such a silly little blip in Munakata's career. It was supposed to only be a gig for a few months, then he would move on once he had the life experience.

Which he now had, and yet, for some reason, he missed it. He missed practices.

"How has the new composition been coming along?" Awashima asked. She had stopped by to pick up a few music books Munakata had borrowed during what he had called his 'planning phase'.

"Ah, it is much better than my last, Awashima," he chuckled. "Though...I still feel like it's missing something. Or perhaps I am missing something."

"You were rehearsing quite frequently in a completely different genre of music for a long time," Awashima stated, always true to the facts. "Maybe you miss playing more casually?" she suggested.

"I suppose it very well could be that," Munakata admitted. "The thought has crossed my mind. How is Kusanagi doing?" he asked, genuinely curious about the man's well-being.

A soft blush slipped across Awashima's cheeks, as it always did whenever either of them brought up the topic of Kusanagi. "I think he's trying to decide what direction to take his life in," she said. "I know he wants to keep playing music, but he feels strange doing so without Yata and Suoh."

"Yes, well Suoh made his choice quite clear," Munakata snapped.

"I take it you haven't spoken to him then?" Awashima asked. "Izumo asked me if you had, but at the time I didn't have an answer for him. I suppose I do now."

"Indeed," Munakata said, regaining composure. "I have not spoken to him since. He is not much of a talker anyway, so I don't see the point. I don't foresee him changing his mind."

Awashima nodded. "Izumo seemed to think the same thing, but this wasn't for his lack of trying," she sighed. "I think he goes to Suoh's apartment almost everyday," she explained. "He wants to make their band work. Would you...go back if they asked you?"

For a moment, Munakata wasn't quite sure how to respond. Of course there was a part of his heart which was desperate to return to the rush of feelings he'd felt upon that stage, and yet, it also felt so impossible. He had a goal, and he wished to stick to it. Munakata wasn't the type to give up, and he'd been shooting for Scepter University for so long, he couldn't imagine changing his mind to go do something else. Perhaps he could try and do both?

"I...apologize if that was an odd question?" Awashima's voice broke through the silence and Munakata blinked for a moment, shaking his head.

"Ah...no it was not. I suppose I hadn't thought much about it, since it does not seem to be a possibility, even in the near future. Besides," he said, pressing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I really am focused on my audition, and you and I both know if I am accepted I would have barely any free time."

"...True," she said, though Munakata did not miss the slight hesitation in her voice.

He said goodbye to Awashima, ready to return to his piano for the evening. He felt as though he was close to finishing the composition, and then he could make tweaks and rehearse it. Perhaps he simply needed to get over the challenge of writing.

And yet, even as he sat down to focus, he found his mind drifting once more, to the stage, to the sound of the music resonating across the audience, to Suoh's voice. The truth was he adored that rush, and if Suoh came back, Munakata most likely would've jumped at the chance to play with them again, even if he felt like he shouldn't...or couldn't.

With a sigh, he brushed his fingers over the keys. He had to focus. Scepter University was what was important now. He was going to continue on his path to becoming a classical pianist, just as he always had planned. He couldn't afford anymore distractions, especially ones which weren't going to follow through.

The snow was beginning to melt, since the spring season was slowly rolling in. The breeze was growing warmer, and Suoh finally could sit outside on his balcony and enjoy a cigarette. Also if he sat out there, the chance of missing Kusanagi was much higher.

His best friend had come over almost everyday since Suoh had decided he didn't want to play in the band any longer. And everyday Kusanagi would ask for the exact same thing. Suoh however, would never relent. He wasn't going back to the band.

He placed the cigarette in his mouth, taking a long drag as he leaned over the railing. He never wanted to touch his guitar again. Never, not without Totsuka, and especially not with stupid Munakata.

Munakata had gotten far too close to Totsuka, and it hadn't sat right with him. It had been a month, and nightly, the concert would haunt Suoh. He would hear the way Munakata's fingers pushed over the keys, the sound echoing in his mind. He hated the thought that he would turn around and see someone playing Totsuka's songs who wasn't him...and he was playing them better.

So he had to end it.

"And what the hell are you going to do now?" Kusanagi had yelled at him. It was no surprise Kusanagi was angry. Hell, Suoh had expected it, but it didn't change his resolve. He wasn't going to play with the band anymore.

"Dunno," he shrugged. "I'll figure somethin' out."

"You can't smoke and sit in your apartment for the rest of your life," Kusanagi had said.

But as far as Suoh was concerned, he was more than happy to do just that. Which admittedly, was what he had been doing for the past month or so. Playing music was too complicated, and it evoked too many feelings Suoh didn't feel like feeling.

There was a knock on the door, like expected, and Suoh rolled his eyes. He knew it wouldn't be the last time Kusanagi tried to get in. Shaking his head, he held the cigarette to his lips and sucked in a long drag, puffing out the smoke. It swirled with the spring breeze, and flew away from his balcony. It would've been easier to do the same.

Sighing, he kept his cigarette between his teeth and opened the door, his face unchanging when Kusanagi pushed past him to step into the apartment. Suoh shut the door behind him, and made his way out onto the balcony.

"So I don't even get a 'hi' now?" he asked.

Suoh shrugged, waving his hand.

"Thanks..." Kusanagi muttered, pulling a cigarette from his own pack as he walked towards the building. "Mikoto...You can keep living like this. You're gonna waste away."

"Yeah?" Suoh grunted, letting another puff of smoke slip from his lips.

"Why did you quit, Mikoto?" Kusanagi sighed, leaning against the railing with him.

"I already told ya'. You've already asked me. I don't want anything to do with music." Kusanagi had forced him in the first place, and Suoh was sticking to his original plan. "I played the damn concert. It was practically a month ago. What the hell do you want from me?" he grumbled, shaking his head.

"I want you to be honest with me. Mikoto."

"I don't want anything to do with music," Suoh grunted.

"Are you scared? Of continuing this path without Totsuka? You actually looked like you were having a good time on that stage, and even during practice."

"I wasn't," Suoh muttered.

"You're being stubborn," Kusanagi said, glaring at his best friend.

Suoh sighed. "Ya'. Stubborn. You've come over here every single day to see if anything would change and it hasn't. I dunno what you're expecting."

"I'm expecting my best friend to pull himself out of this funk and realize what it is he loves doing. I wish you could've seen how great you looked. Hell, we all looked great. And what happened to spreading Totsuka's music? Mikoto, you could write new songs and share them with the world, be inspired by what Totsuka did-"

A long sigh trailed from Suoh's lips while Kusanagi talked. "I already told you Izumo," he mumbled. "We went through this before you practically forced me to come back against my will. I said I didn't want to in the first place, and I don't want to now. The concert changed nothing."

Admittedly, there had been a moment where Suoh had considered it. When he'd taken Munakata's stupid ass to that concert, seen how his face had lit up...He'd realized he liked teaching the idiot about the world of music, he liked seeing Munakata learn new things and grow. But when he got too close, their kiss, the strange feelings which were slowly growing inside of him, Suoh wasn't sure how he felt. It wasn't until Munakata had fully grasped Totsuka's songs, almost to the point of surpassing him, that Suoh realized he needed to stop. Munakata would never be Totsuka. They were nothing alike, and Munakata could never be as good as him. Even if he seemingly was.

Suoh hated that.

Kusanagi sighed, snuffing out his cigarette against the railing. "Fine," he grumbled. "I'll be back tomorrow."

"...right," Suoh grunted. He used to tell him not to bother, but after many weeks of this, Suoh knew it wasn't worth it. Kusanagi would come back whether Suoh wanted him to or not.

The two didn't say anything else and Suoh finished his cigarette, but stayed outside. He wondered for a brief moment what his life would've been like had he chosen to stay a part of the band. It wasn't like Munakata was going to stay with the group. No, he would've left and joined his pretentious university, leaving them all behind. All that work Suoh had done had been so Munakata could push himself forward and forget they had ever existed.

Perhaps that had been part of the reason why he'd quit. He'd never looked at it that way, but now that the thought crossed his mind, it made Suoh angry. There was no point in staying in a group that would have to keep cycling through people, and Suoh wasn't going to teach them how to be little mini Totsukas each time Kusanagi found a new pianist who inevitably wouldn't be good enough.

No, Munakata never would've stayed, and even if he had, Suoh didn't want to get closer to the guy. Suoh didn't want to get close to anyone.

The stage looked exactly the same as it had so many months ago, and Munakata felt his hands begin to tremble. He wasn't the type of person to get nervous, but something about reliving the experience from before, made him feel uncomfortable.

The stage felt cold, and unwelcoming, the light shining down on the solo piano was enough to make Munakata feel nervous. He didn't know why though; a little over a month ago, he'd played piano in front of a huge crowd of people. And that hadn't even been a genre he was truly familiar with.

Before the classical stage had always felt like his home, but now, he wasn't so sure what he felt exactly. However, he knew it was a feeling he didn't much enjoy.

Taking a deep breath, he made his way out to the stage, bowing to the small group he was about to perform for. "Hello, my name is Munakata Reisi, and this will be my original piece performance," he said.

A man gestured for him to take a seat. "Whenever you are ready."

Nodding, Munakata pulled out the bench and sat in front of the grand piano. He placed his fingertips against the keys, and shut his eyes. He smiled for a moment, letting the thrill wash over him. This time he was going to do it, this time he was going to be successful. He would walk out of this building, prepared to be a student in the spring; he was sure of it.

With a sigh, he pressed his fingers down on the keys, and began to play. He knew his piece by heart now, and he glided through the beginning, a slower more somber part of the piece. The music felt like it flowed from his fingertips, and though it didn't have the same rush as performing on the concert stage had, Munakata could still note the difference in times he'd been on this particular stage.

The tempo of the piece began to pick up; Munakata's fingers pressed harder against the keys as the anger began to seep through. It was so frustrating, how different things felt now. It was as though Suoh had ruined him. Perhaps ruined wasn't the proper word. Changed? Classical music was his life, and he could tell this piece was exceptional. Scepter University would truly be crazy to not accept him after this, but Munakata didn't feel the same thrill he had while playing with HOMRA, and he despised that.

His fingers angrily slammed down on the keys, his emotion shooting through his fingertips. How dare Suoh change everything he'd known about music. Yes, perhaps he was a better performer now, as much as Munakata hated to admit that, but also he hated that the joy he'd felt had seemingly dissipated.

Or maybe he'd never really felt joy at all.

Finally, he moved into the final movement of the song, a somber ending, laced with a bit of resentment.

All his life, he'd wanted to do exactly what he was doing now. Sit on a stage by himself, and wow the classical world with his talent, skill, and art. He was finally capable of doing so, and yet he felt as though something was missing. The loud roaring of the crowd at the end of a song, Suoh's grungy vocals which were so incredibly captivating it wasn't fair. He missed HOMRA, that stage was where he wanted to be, not this one. This one was far too lonely, and empty.

But he didn't have much of a choice. HOMRA didn't exist anymore, and this stage had beckoned to him, had been his 'dream' for so long. Munakata had no choice but to push forward. His fingers danced over the keys as he played the last few lines, filled with a resignation to the fate he had chosen for himself.

He pulled his hands back, opening his eyes, and he waited for some kind of response. Slowly he turned his gaze towards the audience, trying to gauge what they could possibly be thinking. All of them were sat, mouths open, staring at him.

Finally, one of the men stood up and began to clap, the others now following suit. All of them cheered and clapped, and it took Munakata a minute to process what was happening. Months ago, this would've been his proudest moment, but Munakata didn't feel much of anything.

He stood up from the bench and bowed, stepping forward to the front of the stage where he had spoken to them before.

"Excellent," the man in front of him said. "Simply, excellent. It seems you really took our criticism to heart. It was like watching a different man up there!" He was so excited, so Munakata pulled his lips into a smile.

"I thank you," he replied, and bowed once more. "I've been working on this original piece for quite sometime now."

"And it greatly shows," A woman continued. “Your improvement shows just how capable you are. And in such a short amount of time."

"We'd be happy to offer you a position at our school. You have definitely earned it," the man said.

"Thank you so much," Munakata smiled, and bowed once more. "I am very grateful that you have given me this opportunity, and that you even gave me the opportunity to prove myself once again. I know not many people are given a second chance."

"You have an extremely promising future here," the man said. "We could tell your technical performance was absolutely perfect, and when we gave you instructions to better yourself, you did. We could not be more pleased with your results. So, I take it we will see you in the spring?"

Bowing one more time, Munakata nodded. "Of course," he said, smiling widely.

"Marvelous!"

Grabbing his music, Munakata exited the stage. He had finally been admitted to the greatest music program, and he knew he should be happy. He should've been elated, thrilled and any other word one could think of for happy. And yet, as he exited the building, he couldn't help but wonder if he was making the right choice.

"I hear Munakata got in to that Scepter University he wanted to get into," Kusanagi said, letting out a puff of smoke into the air.

"Tch," Suoh scoffed. "Figures."

"You sound mad?"

"Not mad," Suoh grumbled.

"You sound it," Kusanagi teased, gripping the railing with his hand, he leaned back, staring up at the sky. "What did you expect him to do?"

"Nothing. I expected him to do that," Suoh said, shrugging his shoulder.

Kusanagi chuckled softly. "Yeah I guess he did kinda join our band with the idea that he would leave after everything was said and done so he could do his university shit."

"Yup," Suoh said, shoving his cigarette aggressively against the railing as he turned around and headed back inside. He walked towards the kitchen, and grabbed a beer, plopping down on the couch.

Kusanagi's brow furrowed, and Suoh hated that look on his face. It usually meant Kusanagi was thinking about something Suoh would not want to talk about, and he was going to bring it up, whether Suoh wanted to talk about it or not.

"You really do seem mad," Kusanagi chuckled, grabbing his own beer to take a seat next to him.

"Izumo. M'not," he grunted, taking a long swig of his beer.

With a sigh, Kusanagi leaned forward. "Lemme ask you something."

"You're gonna anyway," Suoh muttered, leaning against the arm of the couch.

"Would you have stayed with HOMRA if you thought Munakata was going to stay?" Kusanagi asked and Suoh sighed.

That was exactly the question he'd been expecting, and it was just another question Suoh had no desire to answer.

"S'got nothing to do with him..." Suoh muttered. "He was just a shitty replacement for Tatara."

"Yeah at first. We needed a pianist, but I think it's more than that," Kusanagi said. "The two of you got pretty close."

"We didn't..." Suoh groaned, and pushed himself off of the couch. "Izumo. I don't want anything to do with Munakata. No one would be as good as Tatara, especially not him."

Kusanagi frowned and stood up. "Are you really going to spend the rest of your life hung up on Totsuka? Look, I know you loved him. I get that it was incredibly devastating to lose him, he was one of my best friends, and he should never have died like that. But what do you think Totsuka would say if he saw you like this? Saw you sitting around doing nothing? Do you know how mad he would be?" he hissed.

"Izumo," Suoh rolled his eyes lazily. "Don't bring Tatara into this."

"I will, because I know that's the only sort of thing you listen to. And you know I'm right," he snapped. "Munakata is incredible, and you know that too. Hell, you liked him. Don't even try and deny it. I know you two haven't been talking anymore since you quit, but he was good for the band, he was good for you!" Kusanagi yelled.

"I dunno what you want me to do Izumo," Suoh sighed. "I'm not coming back to the band, and even if I had stayed, Munakata would've left. I'm not going to keep training people to play Totsuka's songs half-assed."

"Munakata didn't play them half-assed and you know that," Kusanagi accused.

"Izumo, shut it. Stop telling me what I know. If you think I know it, why the hell are you talking to me?"

"Because you won't say it. Did you ever consider asking Munakata to stay?"

Suoh froze. It was such a damn catch-22. Asking Munakata to stay would've meant accepting that he was Totsuka's replacement, and it meant he might actually stick around. Which in turn meant that Suoh would have to stay a part of the band, something he was hell bent on not doing.

"He wouldn't have," Suoh said finally. It was easier to push the blame on that asshole.

Kusanagi frowned. "Y'know, I think you're wrong. At the end of everything...he seemed really happy. I mean I didn't know him as well as you, but it really seemed like he wanted to...keep playing with us."

"Yeah, well he's got a fancy university now."

"So you're not even willing to try? We could keep the band, and play together," Kusanagi asked.

"I told ya' I didn't wanna do that anyway."

"Even if Munakata was there?" Kusanagi asked. There was hope in his voice, as though he'd finally found the reason why Suoh had quit, and he was partially right. Partially.

"...yeah," he grumbled.

Kusanagi chugged back the rest of the beer. "Fine. Be stubborn," Kusanagi grunted. "I don't care anymore. When you realize that you're doing exactly what Totsuka wouldn't want you to do, come find me, and maybe we can actually do what we're good at doing. And maybe when you realize Munakata is good for you, you'll actually try and talk to him again."

After his speech, Kusanagi immediately stormed out the door, slamming it behind him. In the silence, Suoh wondered if this meant Kusanagi was going to finally give up on getting the band together.

He pursed his lips and glanced around the room, his eyes falling on his guitar. He hadn't touched it since the concert. He hated when Kusanagi spoke these things out loud because he was always fucking right, and he made Suoh actually think. Totsuka would be incredibly mad if he knew Suoh was sitting around doing nothing.

'You're the best guitar player I know!'

'I love your voice, Mikoto!'

The words echoed in his head again...and he hated it. Just as how Totsuka's voice had convinced him to play the concert, it was starting to convince him not to give up music, not to give up Munakata.

'Don't think, just go.'

With a grunt, Suoh began pacing around the room. Don't think, just go. Totsuka was right. Totsuka was always right. Grabbing his jacket, Suoh yanked the door open and left his apartment, heading for the place he needed to go.

#mikorei #munakata reisi #suoh mikoto #k project #munakata reishi #k project fanfiction #music au #chaptered #au #cacophony

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