#i stick to jensen himself and his career

[whateverthedragonswant]

Just saw a very unhinged take on the birthday posts Jensen and Danneel posted for Danneel's birthday yesterday. It's one thing to be an anti but when it's clear you have a meltdown every single time Jensen posts or says something related to his wife or he's seen anywhere near her, you might want to take a good look at why this sends you into a mental breakdown each time and why you feel the need to broadcast all of that onto social media & believe that either Jensen or Danneel will see it and suddenly change/live their lives according to what you're telling them, I guess?

Me every time I see this one person's posts come across my dash (it's literally like clock work at this point):

On the other hand, the kids looked absolutely adorable and I am so happy that they got to go to Disneyland in Paris!!!

Arrow is such a cutie (and a younger version of her mom I think), Zepp is a cute younger version of his dad it looks like, and JJ is so adorbs (I think she mostly looks like her mom but when you see her grinning, you can see her dad coming through). They are just the cutest.

Happy belated birthday, Danneel! Keep posting, queen.

[themoodyestj]

Jensen is a white, rich, straight, man, living in a country that favors people like him over everything else, he controls the finances of his family, he has a squeaky clean reputation.

he's so strong that he can lift Jared over his head with no trouble.

do you seriously think Danneel has a chance against him? if there's a inbalance of power in that relationship, Jensen is clearly not the one with a disadvantage.

so if there was a problem with their marriage, why should i asume that Jensen is the one being abused? when all evidence suggests that it's most likely to be the other way arround.

i mean, he is the one who gets to go out there to shine and expand his career while she stays behind taking care of the kids, with seamingly no life of her own. for all we know, he could be shamelessly sleeping around and D just having to shut up and endure for the sake of their children.

Why do I have the feeling that an anon that writes awfully like you sporadically comes into my or my mutuals inbox asking the exact same question?

And if that's the case, what's the issue? Are words hard to understand?

But in case it's not, let me provide the answer, prefacing that whatever I write here is pure speculation based on my personal and professional experience.

No he doesn't. Unfortunately for him, Jensen has the reputation his fans let him have. And opinions on him will differ depending on which part of the fandom you are addressing. If his wife wanted to start a rumor, all she would have to do would be to cry wolf. Unfortunately, there are many people that still think like you and fabricating something to tarnish his image, especially coming from the wife, would be super easy. The justice warriors of this world would have a ball defending the poor defenseless damsel from, like you put it, the mean white rich straight man.

Strength, power, money mean nothing in an abusive relationship. Violence is rather a consequence than a form of control (although it can become control later on). I've seen cases in where the abused makes more money than the abuser. I've seen cases in where the abused had more power, did more around the house and the abuser was, in reality, completely dependent on them. Abuse is not black and white, it's an ocean of gray with many specs of many colors.

What is the real key here is how easy the abused is to manipulate. Take someone, for example, who is already somewhat fragile from abused suffered in the past from a parent. Add a few mishaps that make them feel less worthy, uncapable of seeing their real value. And then put them with a narcissist. That person can have all the power in the world, but the narcissist will make them believe they can lose it all in a blink of an eye, and only with the narcissist they can keep it.

It's not about having power. It's about whom the victim believes has the power.

If he held the power in this case, he would be home a lot more frequently to exert said power. If there is something abusers like is to see the fruits of their manipulation. He wouldn't say his wife "runs a tight ship", he would praise himself. He wouldn't call her a strong woman, he would imply he is the strong man. Abusers don't give away power. They take it. They like to be the good strong heroes for their audience.

On the other hand you have a paraphernalia of instances in which she implies he doesn't help at home, he's messy, he didn't cry when his kid was born, she was the one helping him with his acting, etc. All things she says to make herself look good. I'm yet to see a true compliment towards her husband. Most often that not, she is putting him down," playfully". And she would do a lot more if she thought it would stick/not ruin her meal ticket.

Furthermore, if she was the victim, she would not make jokes at the abuser's expense, for fear of retaliation. She wouldn't initiate contact, she wouldn't try to touch him or kiss him.

He's the one who gets to... Probably run.

She stays behind "taking care of the kids"... do you count ordering nannies around to take care of the kids? And she does have a line of her own. She did "charity", initiated a jewelry line, became the "power producer"... The thing is, she's incompetent. All she touches turns to shit. Her lack of a life is not due to her husband, she only has herself to blame. Besides, she's not alone. She made sure to surround herself with people she trusted while simultaneously trying to drive him away from the people he trusted.

And maybe she isn't the one having to shut up for the sake of the kids. There are two parents in this equation, did you forget? She could be staying for the kids, but so could he.

Anyway, there's a lot more but my time and patience are limited.

[nancydrewwouldnever]

And, honestly, all he said for years was how he preferred being "fourth or fifth" on the call sheet. Let's see if he sticks to that, or if the yearning for the big paycheck gets to him. //

What the heck? Who says something like that? Dont we all want to be booked and hopefully someone first choice because of how good we are at our jobs? I mean nobody is perfect, but we are all here trying to make our profession (by choice or not) be kind and makes us amazing in what we do 😐.

I think he will stick to do comic cons in 2024, save this words.

I think his reason for preferring being supporting cast is that it takes the pressure off his shoulders to carry the film. We've seen in old interviews how much to heart he takes it when one of his starring films turns out to be a dud. It really does effect his outlook on his career. Honestly, too, I think he lets himself loose in films he doesn't "star" in. Look how much more relaxed he was as Jake Jensen, or Ransom, or Lloyd, or even in his cameos in Don't Look Up and Free Guy. You know, if those more minor roles allow him more joy in his craft, then I would prefer seeing him in those, because I'd know he enjoyed the experience more.

[schizosamwincester]

You know what? It's time for my hot take on Misha Collins. Obviously that's what the world needs right now.

Now yes. I do agree with the general wincestie consensus that he's an attention whore. I'm not convinced ever says anything he actually thinks anymore, just the shit he knows his fans will eat up. All that said? I think he's a very smart guy who's got a damn good strategy, and I respect the shit out of him for that.

Here's the thing. He has done very, very little acting since Supernatural wrapped. He has not done a single acting project in all of 2024. He's done a handful of things. Certainly not as much work as Jared and Jensen have been doing. And you know what? He's doing fine. He's doing great. He's not exactly a starving artist. You know why? Because his bullshit works. As long as he goes as says something like "Cas would have been balls deep in Dean" or "what, like full penetration?" every couple of months, people will pay to go to cons to see if he's gonna do that in front of them. And if I had the choice between working every other weekend or getting a real job? I'll be honest. I know what I'd choose.

Look. It's great for Jensen and Jared that they can be bothered to act in all this shit AND go to all these conventions, but would I? Fuck no. I don't have that kind of energy. Misha has made a choice, and he puts in the legwork to ensure that he'll be able to stick with that choice. As long as he says the occasional weird and gay thing, people will fill his panels and the conventions will keep booking him. That is a reasonable career strategy. I can't hold it against him..

Yeah, if you're reading this, you presumably see through his bullshit. But a lot of people don't. A lot of people even like it. If they get joy from him and can't see that he's fake as shit? I'm not about to take that away from them. Good. They're happier than I am. It isn't hurting them to think he's genuine.

But yeah, as annoying and fake as it is? He's got a strategy that works. I can't fault the man for giving people what they want and securing a cushy income for himself while still getting like 20 days off every month.

[shamrock313]

Jensen Ackles General Reading

This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Please take everything you read with a grain of salt. Enjoy!

Jensen as a Person: Page of Pent (rev), Emperor, Ace of Pent (rev) and Queen of Cups = PoP (r) Feels like he missed out on big opportunities for his career. With the Emperor, he's a man man. Straightforward and strong features. Deep voice. He makes you feel protected. AoP (r) Again missed opportunities especially in terms of financial growth or stability. (I wrote in my notes asking about his other business and saw his brewery is closed). Worried about finances. QoC People go to him for emotional support. The way he looks at you makes you feel heard and understood. He gives advice and comfort to those who need it. Makes you feel safe, loved, and supported.

Jensen's Career: 5 of Cup (rev) + 7 of Cups = 5oC (rev) Healing from career misstep. Recovery. How is he doing on The Boys or any other project? I don't watch The Boys. May have had setbacks, loss of jobs, a layoff, or a business gone under which we know one of them is the brewery. 7oC He has many career options. Which one will he stick with? "Choose with purpose not passion".

Jensen on Jared: Sun + 5 of Swords (rev) = Bringing joy and laughter. To him Jared is irreplaceable. Often thinks about him. Supports and uplift each other. Creating joyful memories. 5oS (rev) Doesn't want any bad blood with Jared or see him struggle. If he ever has to let Jared go out of his life, he will, and will remind himself its for the better.

Jensen on Misha: 5 of Pent (rev), Chariot (rev), Queen of Wands = 5oP (rev) Always there for each other especially when it comes to issues regarding marriage or family. Deep conversations. He sees Misha improving in life and shining brighter than ever. Chariot There was a time where Misha was stuck. I think this was when he was getting divorced. He (M) may have said something reckless and I kept think this was about his "coming out" and how he had to clarify it, but I can't speak much about it because I don't know much about Misha his issues before, during, and after his divorce or what he's been doing in the SP fandom lately. Jensen has to remind Misha of the consequences of his actions. QoW Jensen loves Misha independence. He knows he can rely on Misha. Thankful to have him in his life.

[hologramcowboy]

Based on what she says in interviews and how she promotes herself on social media, music/dancing seems to be what Meg’s focus is career wise. It seems like she’s just acting because it was easier for her to get jobs that field and it pays better (which is why you see so many musicians try to branch out into acting). I feel bad for her because she seems really well intentioned, and Jenneel definitely duped her and screwed her over.

You’re spot on about the guy that plays John though. He’s very much like Jensen in that he was the best looking guy in his hometown and heavily relies on his face card to get what he wants rather than focusing on skill building.

That makes perfect sense. Meg does act like someone completely disconnected from acting so she must be like the people who become casting directors because they actually want to end up as directors or people who take up modeling to fund their actual main dream. Yet still, if she wants it to be the platform that launches her then she needs to step up her game because cringe doesn't even begin to describe the level she is at and while she can have a ton of campy roles, that will work powerfully against the music side and ultimately become an obstacle. I hope she finds her passion for acting or switches because she is setting a horrible standard.

Yes, John is extremely similar to Jensen in some ways but tries to imitate Jared. If you ever want to kill your charisma and career just tell people you are imitating X and Y. 🤣 He's acting like a piece of meat that switches wrapping according to what he thinks people want to see. There is no other actor like Jared and there never will be, because Jared is himself. That's what uh damn it I cannot remember his name and I just read it lol that's what this guy needs to do. Find his essence and stick to it because, at the moment, he is like a mannequin who is creepily copying both Jensen and Jared and has zero personality and pull on his own. If TW wasn't run by two incompetent producers, there is no way bland actors like Mary and John would have gotten cast as leading man and woman. To be a leading man or woman you have to be the most charismatic person, the dominant leader, the one everyone vies for, the one who has all doors open. These two are about as interesting as sandpaper which is a pity because they are both beautiful in their own unique ways but they don't know how to target what works and are focused on fabricating an image instead.

[dotthings]

Nothing odd about it. And the fandom we’re thinking of has made it very obvious, years before spn ended, that it values parasocializing actors more than it actually values the characters and story. Conventions matter more than talking about the show itself, it’s been like this a long time. And many of them don’t see anything weird about a hyperfocus on actors, what they think is weird is being attached to story and characters. But I find it baffling to put parasocializing higher than our own personal connections to a story and characters.

What that story means to us and appreciation of that story is what brought us all here in the first place, or at least, that’s what I believe, and being realistic, I think for a good number of fans, that isn’t it. It’s stanning the actors.

So now we’re at a point point where Jensen stans come across like they’re racing to push Dean out the door and put him on mothballs, shaming Dean fans for enjoying the easter eggs, and backhandedly throwing Jensen under the bus for participating and they’re trying to distance him from the easter eggs.

As if Jensen himself doesn’t miss Dean and there couldn’t possibly be an aspect of fun and comfort in this for Jensen as well, and complaints about how Jensen should “let Dean go.”

Meanwhile Dean fans are have zero obligation to get out of the Dean brainrot just because some people think we should. We miss Dean. Jensen misses Dean. If Dean easter eggs comfort Dean fans and are enjoyable and maybe also comfort Jensen too, why are Jensen fans, of all people, making such a big thing about how it’s wrong because *something something* Jensen’s career??

Meanwhile here’s this character who has seized on people’s hearts and imaginations to an outstanding degree. He is my favorite TV character of all time, no question. And what you said, we’re not done studying him yet. Rewatching spn makes me love him more.

The meaning and impact of a story on people is not finite. The meaning also can change for people over time, since we change, our lives change, and different aspects might stick out for us at different times.

Engagement with a story and characters and finding emotional resonance there shouldn’t be stigmatized. Especially this coming from people who are overly parasocializing an actor.

And if Jensen is so important why does his pov matter so little here? So I’ll add that I am also glad to know that Jensen knows how loved Dean is. He knows those easter eggs will appeal to fans. If Jensen misses Dean, it must mean something to him that so many Dean fans are thinking about Dean too. If Dean has had this kind of impact on us, imagine the impact he’s had on the person who inhabited him and brought him to life for 15 years. This wasn’t just another acting gig for Jensen, he really connected with the character (and we know this is true for all of J2M with their characters).

It’s almost like Jensen is what matters to some Jensen stans the most, not Dean.

Anyway. You will never ever pry Dean away from me.

[trektraveler]

Nightingale Chapter Sixteen: The Fourth Wall

Summary: Jensen Ackles seemed to have it all. A hit television series fifteen years running, a budding music career and a stunning wife. To the casual observer, his life was perfect. But it was a façade. No more real than the supernatural world created on a soundstage.

That day on the lake had started with uncertainty, but when he pulled you from the water everything became clear. The truth was, he’d been the one drowning.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Jensen x Reader, Jensen x You

Characters: Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Genevieve Padalecki, Misha Collins, Reader

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Drowning, Fluff, Angst, Smut, unprotected sex

Chapter Sixteen: The Fourth Wall

Word Count: 4176

Author’s Notes: This is a complete work of fiction about a real life person. The circumstances are totally made up and are in no way a commentary on the fantastic Jensen Ackles or his family.

This is also a unique reader insert story as I have given the reader a physical description including hair color, eye color and body type. Hopefully you can still lose yourself in the utter fantasy where Jensen is the hero and you are ripe for rescuing!

Additional Notes: The response to this story has been beyond my expectations! You guys have been the best! Thank you for continuing to read my work and encourage me, its kept my eye on the prize :) Additional Additional Notes: THANK YOU! Seriously... thank you all for sticking around for this. Some of you know the struggles I've been dealing with , some of you don't, but it doesn't matter. I am grateful for the support of each and every one of you who keeps coming back to read this story. This chapter really gave me trouble, I hope it was worth the wait.

Series Masterlist

     Both your phone and Jensen’s buzzed at the same time.  You knew who it was before you even looked.

     “Solomon,” he said, scrolling through the details of the text.  “Jesus.  This itinerary reads like a weekend convention circuit.  Seriously, who goes out this much?”

     “Breakfast and strolling at the Ester Short Park farmer’s market.  Tour of the Van Dusen Botanical Gardens.  Coffee at Shaughnessy’s.  Window shopping downtown.  Couples’ yoga.  Oohh!  Tickets to Hamilton on Friday night!”

     Jensen’s brow crinkled and those little disapproving brackets appeared at the corners of his mouth.  “Yoga?  Seriously?  I don’t have that…”

     You lifted a shoulder in a shrug, “Couples Tantric Yoga at Good Vibrations Studios.  Wow… the room is heated to 105 degrees to sweat in tandem with your partner.  Open your chakras and your bodies to this intimate practice first discovered in the unpublished Kama Sutra.  Wow, I didn’t know they bent that way…”

     That had him grabbing your phone.  “Seriously?!  Fucking Solomon signed us up for sweaty sex yoga?!” 

     The indignant bluster blew out of his sails a moment later and you broke into laughter. 

     “You’re hilarious,” he deadpanned.

     Your mischievous grin only grew, “You seem disappointed!  Why don’t we call and see if they can squeeze us in to the class on Sunday?”

     You made a grab for the phone, and he held it over his head, out of reach.  Dodging your hands and tickling you at the same time.  Your attempts to tickle him back had no effect and only made him double his efforts.  Torturing you until you were practically crying with giggles.  Suddenly, he hoisted you over his shoulder, bouncing you a bit as he walked through the apartment. 

     “Jensen!  That’s cheating!”  You laughed as you squirmed in his grasp.

     He tossed you down on the bed in a giggling mess then threw himself down beside you.  “There’s no cheating when there’s no rules, Sweetheart.”

     You tried to catch your breath as he moved strands of blonde hair away from your face.  “You aren’t even ticklish.”

     “Used to be, my older brother would sit on me and torture tickle me until I peed my pants.”

     “How’d you get over it?”

     “I found ways to distract myself,” he murmured, his eyes flickering over your face. 

     “Mind over matter?”

     “Something like that.”

     The two of you had shared countless kisses, but you never grew tired of them.  Your heartrate kicked up the moment his lips touched yours, excitement heating your blood the same today as it did the first time.  His strong hands roamed your body, seeking out the secret places that responded so readily.  You yielded to his touch and surrendered on a sigh. 

     He ended the kiss before he could get too carried away.  The FBI had the whole place bugged and the two of you agreed early on that there would be no sex until this mess was behind you.   He pulled you up against him and placed a kiss to your hairline.

     “Better?”

     You nodded, relaxing into his embrace.  Your eyes closed as he threaded his fingers through your hair and gently massaged the nape of your neck.  He always did that when your migraines were bad.  Once your concussion healed, they were practically gone but with all the stress of the investigation, they were back with a vengeance. 

     “I’m sorry,” you murmured into his chest.  “About earlier.”

     “It was an understandable reaction, that guy came up out of nowhere.  I didn’t even see him come up behind us.”

     “I nearly had a panic attack in the middle of the street.  I probably traumatized your poor fans.”

     “Yeah, well I traumatize them every Thursday night so, they’re used to it by now,” Jensen joked, moving his hand to stroke your back.  “How can I help, baby?  Tell me what I can do to make it better.”

     “I don’t know if it can get much better.  I mean, Solomon sends us pictures of the under-cover agents every day.  Both of us are wearing tracking devices.  This place is completely wired and under surveillance.  Everything we do is planned out to the last detail.  I know we are as safe as we can be I just… I can’t stop thinking about him.”  Your chest immediately grew tight, and you fought to keep your breathing under control.

     “Every time we leave this apartment, I’m looking for him.  I’m searching the faces of everyone we pass, wondering if the next one I see will be his.  I feel like a little kid, scared of the boogey man is hiding in the closet!”

     “Is that why you’ve been leaving the bathroom light on at night?”

     “Maybe,” you muttered.  “I know it’s stupid.”

     “It’s justified.”

     “Maybe,” you said again.  “I wish I could be as calm as you are in crowds.  It never seems to rattle you.”

     “Oh, I’m rattled, believe me.  But I’ve got a job to do, and I just focus on it.  Nothing is more important than that, everything else falls away.”

     “You mean acting?”

     “I mean taking care of you,” he curled a finger under your chin, coaxing your gaze to meet his.  “We’re in it together.  Every day, it’s you and me, Sweetheart.”

     “Stronger together.”  You said it at the same time he did.  It had become your mantra over the past two weeks. 

     It was your prayer to each other.  You said every time you set foot outside of the safety bubble of your apartment.  Every time the two of you stopped for pictures with fans.  Every time the paparazzi followed the two of you through a public park or into a restaurant.  Every time you needed reassurance, Jensen would squeeze your hand and whisper it in your ear. 

     It worked well to calm your nerves.  At first.  But as time dragged on with no sign of Arthur Green, the pressure and anxiety built.  You were jumpy, bordering on paranoid.  When that aggressive fan popped up as you were crossing the boulevard, it triggered a reaction so severe that Jensen’s magic phrase didn’t work.  You were so shaken up that the two of you went directly home, despite not completing the daily agenda.

     “I just wish I could do a better job in all this.  I know I’m supposed to look happy and carefree… Green’s never going to show himself if he thinks this is a trap.”  You sighed and fiddled with the buttons on Jensen’s shirt.  “I’ve never had much of a poker face.”

     “Everyone has a poker face; you just have to find your focus.  That’s all acting is, really.  Keeping your focus.”

     “I guess that’s why you’re the actor and I’m the doctor.”

     A thoughtful look crossed his face, as if he’d just realized the answer to a difficult crossword.  His clear, green eyes lit with enthusiasm, and he sat up, tugging you with him.

     “Come on, I’ve got an idea.”

     “What are we doing in your closet?” You asked from your cross-legged position on the carpeted floor.

     Jensen closed the door and stuffed a rolled-up towel against the threshold so that not even a sliver of light could peek through.  “We’re creating the fourth wall.”

     “What?”

     He walked to the bank of drawers along the back wall and searched through the contents.  “It’s an old actor’s trick, you’ll see.”

     He returned with one of his silk ties in his hand.  It was a subtle blue on blue paisley pattern that he wore on one of your dates ages ago.

     He handed it to you and sat on the floor across from you, folding his bowed legs up with a grunt. 

     “I love this tie.”

     “I know you do,” he smiled softly at you.  “Do you remember that night?  That little Italian place around the corner from your hospital?”

     “Of course, I do.”

     It had been a week since you and Jensen reconciled.  You held strong to your decision not to move back in with him.  You were determined to take things slow and not fall back into old patterns.  You wanted this to last, you both did and that meant rebuilding trust.  The man didn’t make it easy though! 

     For his part, Jensen was the perfect gentleman.  Sweet, attentive, respectful, funny, charming.  Good morning texts and calls during his down time on set.  He invited you over for dinner midweek, made your favorite spaghetti and even sent you home with leftovers for lunch.  There were bone melting kisses and hand holding, but he never initiated anything more.  He wanted you to set the pace. 

     On Friday, you arrived at work and found a shallow planter the size of a hubcap overflowing with an array of tiny, blue flowers waiting for you.  Along with a card.

     Have a great day, gorgeous! – Love, J

     Val came up beside you, her eyes wide, “Wow!  Who sent you those?”

     You grinned and ran your fingers over the bright, bell-shaped blossoms.  “They’re from Jensen.”

     “Really?  Anniversary or apology?”

     You slipped the small card into the pocket of your lab coat, “Neither.”

     “Come on, he must have done something.  No guy sends…. What kind of flowers are they?”

     “Bluebonnets.  Texas Bluebonnets.”

     “Right.  Anyway, there’s a reason for them.  You just don’t know what it is yet.”

     You floated through your whole shift.  Not even Val’s cynicism could dampen your mood.  You didn’t have time to send Jensen anything more than a thank you text, but you were determined to show your appreciation.  Maybe you’d invite him over for dinner at your place.  Best to order in, given your abysmal cooking skills.  Or maybe just dessert…

     You were just about to clock out when you were paged over the intercom.  You picked up line four holding for you.

     “This is Doctor Baines.”

     “Gabs?”

     “Tony, what’s up?”

     “I need you for a consult, do you have a few minutes?”

     “Sure.”

     “Great.  Cardiology, Room 202.”

     A few short minutes later you opened the door to 202, instead of a cardiac patient, you found Jensen.  Looking like he just stepped out of the pages of GQ.  His dark blue suit was tailored, pressed and perfect.  Crisp shirt, matching blue tie and a trio of bluebonnets in his lapel.

     He smiled in that way that made his eyes crinkle and made you melt.  “Hiya Sweetheart.”

     You leaned against the door so that it clicked behind you.  “Mr. Ackles.  You are looking remarkably well for a man in the cardiac ward.”

     “Oh, I’m in rough shape, doc.”  He placed a dramatic hand over his heart.  “My ticker’s going crazy!”

     You bit your bottom lip; he really was too cute!  “Is that so?”

     “Yeah!  Every time I see this girl, it’s like my heart’s going to beat right out of my chest.”

     “Sound serious.”

     “You think so?”

     “Heart palpitations are nothing to dismiss out of hand.”  You pulled your stethoscope from around your neck, “I think I better check you over.”

     “I was thinking the same thing,” he drawled.

     You placed a hand in the center of his chest and firmly walked him backwards, your gaze holding his until the back of his legs bumped the exam table.  Wordlessly, you patted the table.  He lifted himself up with ease, the sterile paper crinkled under his weight. 

     “I hope you won’t mind if I get a little… close,” you said, gently urging his knees apart so you could stand in the vacant space between his legs. 

     His voice dipped deep.  “I’m in your hands.”

     You started with his tie, reaching up to loosen the perfectly executed knot.  A tug and the fine fabric came free easily.  It sounded like a hushed whisper as it moved against the starched shirt to pool in your hand.  His Adam’s apple bobbed as you moved on to the tiny button holding the collar closed.  You knew if you looked at him, your resolve would evaporate, so you concentrated on your task.  Button by button.  Inch by inch.  You stopped halfway to put the earpieces in place and warm the bell of the stethoscope with your breath. 

     You slid the bell against the taut, tanned skin of his pectoral and let it rest over his heart.  A smile curved your lips as you heard his heart thumping, strong and steady.  No better sound in the world.  Although, the longer you kept your hand there, the faster that rhythm got.

     “Your heartrate is elevated.”

     “What do I do, doc?”

     “A little test, see how you respond to stimuli.”

     “Sounds intense.”

     This time you risked looking up, those green eyes of his had turned a shade darker and you felt your own heart leap in response. 

     “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.” 

     Keeping the bell anchored over his heart, you leaned up and captured his lips with your own.  Kissing Jensen was as much a revelation today as it was the first time.  He expressed so many things in those moments of intense connection.  Passion and joy.  Exuberant love, romance… sharp desire.  Solace and devotion.  It was the language spoken by souls that met and matched. 

     The kiss deepened, his arms went around you and the staccato beat faster through the earpieces as his heart picked up pace.  Urgency grew.

     You nipped his bottom lip slightly as you pulled away, earning a groan from him.  “You’re killing me, Sweetheart.”

     “Not today.  I can confirm, your heart is in perfect working order.”

     “Good thing, I kinda need it.”  He snagged the stethoscope from you with a smirk, “My turn.”

     Not one to shrink from a challenge, you hopped up beside him, “Do your worst, Doctor Ackles.”

     Somehow, he made the mundane tools of your profession look incredibly sexy.  You didn’t exactly have a doctor kink, but you’d develop one in a hurry if he kept it up.  A serious look swept over his features, and you knew you were in trouble.  In measured movements, he slipped his hand holding the bell under the scoop neckline of your shirt. 

     You knew the moment he found his mark because his face transformed to reflect wonder.  It was an incredibly intimate act to hear the life thrumming in another human being.  He simply listened, as if he was trying to memorize it, hear the music of it.  You were so mesmerized by his experience that you failed to notice his other hand until it found your breast.

     You gasped. 

     His eyebrows rose a fraction, but did not move his hand, “Everything okay?”

     At your nod, he smiled and continued.  Monitoring your heartrate as he explored the curves and concaves he knew so well.  Noting how the rhythm increased when he ran his thumb over the nipple straining under the layers of cotton.  How the beat skipped when his tongue found that secret place just below your earlobe.  Hot kisses down the column of your neck to the hollow where your clavicles met brought your hands up to rake through his hair.  He sucked the skin slightly while his hand traced the inner line of your leg.  Your heart galloped along wildly and when he palmed you through your scrubs, you breathed his name.

     Your head fell back, “Jensen…”

      An annoying beep from his jacket pocket that broke the spell.  He stopped ravishing you long enough to check his phone, “Ooh!  We gotta go!”

     You sat up dazed and trying to catch your breath, “Go?  Now?”

     He hopped off the table and straightened his suit, smoothing out the wrinkles caused by your make-out session.

     “Reservations at Marco’s.”

     You eyed him suspiciously, “You… did you deliberately get me all excited just to tease me?”

     His shrug was innocent, but the sparkle in his eyes gave him away.  He held a hand to you, “I just wanted to make sure you had a good appetite worked up.”

     You took his hand and narrowed your blue eyes at him, “Okay.  But we’re getting dessert to go!”

     “Only if you bring your stethoscope, doc,” he replied while brushing a kiss across your knuckles with a wink.

     “When I was twenty-eight, I was in a live production of A Few Good Men.  I hadn’t performed on stage like that since high school.  And I was really nervous, like shaking in my boots, throwing up backstage terrified!  My parents were there, Danneel was there…  a ton of Supernatural fans showed up too.”

     “You had stage fright?  But you’d been an actor for… what, a decade at that point?”

     “Television is different.  If I screw up, we can just do another take.  A live performance takes a different level of concentration.  People in the audience whisper or forget to turn off their phones.  Someone drops something backstage, or your co-star forgets their lines.  Anything can happen.  That’s where the fourth wall comes in, imagine there is an invisible wall between you and the audience.  That the stage is a completely enclosed.  It’s your world, nothing else exists.  Its just you and whoever you are sharing that stage with.”

     You looked down at the blue tie in your hands, “That sounds like something that comes with practice.  It took you years to perfect your craft, I can’t get to that level in an afternoon.”

     “It’s simpler than you think.  Acting is really just reacting,” he said with a smile, “Besides, you had plenty of cram sessions in med school.”

     “I suppose so.”

     “Good.  Now, I want you to look around this space.  Commit the details of it to memory.  Wall color, carpet color, shelves, racks, shoes… all of it.  Everything you can see.”

     You tried to give him back the tie, thinking it wasn’t part of the exercise and he shook his head, “Nuh uh.  You keep that, you’ll need it.”

     Your brow furrowed slightly, wrapping the tie around your left hand nervously.  You felt like you were failing, and you hadn’t even started.

     Jensen reached out and stilled your hands with his own, “Hey, deep breath.  There’s nothing to worry about.  It’s just you and me here, this is our own little world.  Everything outside that door, that’s them.  No one else can come in here, ever.  We’re safe here.  Just you and me.”

     “Stronger together,” you murmured.

     “Stronger together,” he repeated back.  “Close your eyes.”

     You did as instructed.  He released your hands and sat back, “Deep breath, in and out.  Again.  Good girl, relax.  Let the tension melt from your muscles and drain away.  Deep breath… good.  Very good.”

     You loved his voice; it was warm and had a deep resonance that put you at ease.  The cadence of his instructions had an almost hypnotic quality and you felt yourself sinking into it. 

     “How do you feel?”

     “Good,” you said with a sigh, “Kind of floaty.”

     “The tie in your hands.  How does it feel?”

     You rubbed the material between your fingers, “Smooth.  Cool, like a mountain lake.”

     “Good,” he praised again.  “Now, I want you to picture the closet in your mind.  Put it together with the details you saw only moments ago.”

     You frowned slightly, rubbing the silk in your hands like a worry stone.

     “It’s just you and me here, Y/N.  It’s our world, our safe place.  Tell me what you see.”

     “Clothes.”

     He waited a beat, “Anything else?”

     “Um… the door?”

     “Dig a little deeper, Harvard.”

     “My annoying boyfriend.”

     Jensen held back a sigh, determined not to break the spell.  “Try scent, how does it smell?”

     “Good,” you huffed out in frustration.  The tension was building back up in your shoulders and your ass was starting to fall asleep from sitting on the floor.  You found yourself wondering if it was too late to run away to Bermuda.  You took another deep breath and caught something you hadn’t noticed before.

     “Cedar.  You keep those little cedar balls in the sock drawer.”

     “Yeah, I do.”

     “Tom Ford… um… that vanilla one I like.”

     He grinned, you told him it was your favorite and he bought three bottles just to make sure he always had some on hand.  “Vanilla Tobacco.”

     “Fabric softener, there are dryer sheets in the vents… and there is an air vent somewhere behind me, its blowing on my shirt.  The woodwork in here is light, the rest of the apartment is dark, in here it’s not.  Your clothes are arranged by type and then by color.  Same for the shoes, which you have an insane amount of.  Everything is on those expensive hangers you love so much.  Oh!  And you have two whole drawers devoted to watches.”

     “Good job, open your eyes, Sweetheart.”

     As you did, he took the tie from your hands and cut it neatly in half with his pocketknife.

     “Jay!”

     He took your left arm and tied the narrow end around your wrist, “This tie is your tether to this space.  Every time you feel anxious or scared, I want you to feel that silk against your skin and remember how it felt to be here.  Come back to this safe place where it’s just you and me.”

     He held the other half of the tie out to you along with his left arm.  You followed his example and fastened it around his wrist to match yours.  When you were done, you wrapped your arms around his neck and held on tight, burying your face in the crook of his neck.

     “Thank you,” you whispered.

     Jensen pulled you down to sit on his lap and held you close.

     “I’ve got you,” he vowed, pressing a kiss to your hairline, “Always.”

     Three days later, you and Jensen were at yet another public outing.  This time it was Shakespeare in the park.  At this point you were so sick of concerts, romantic dinners, and date nights that you were ready to tear your hair out.  At least it was your favorite play, Much Ado About Nothing.  Comedy always beats tragedy. 

     The place was packed, no surprise given the beautiful weather.  There were vendors selling everything from Italian Ice to Chicken and Waffles on a stick.  Street musicians busked, kids played in the fountain, couples necked under shade trees, dogs trotted along happily with their owners.  It was idyllic.

     Maybe it was the sunshine or the actor’s trick Jensen taught you, either way, you felt good.  Relaxed.  Even when a group of fans gathered around for pictures and autographs, you felt centered and calm. 

     “Oh my gosh!  You two are so cute together!”  A younger girl gushed.

     “Can we get your picture too?” another asked you, “Are you really a doctor?”

     Jensen pulled you to his side and slung an arm around your shoulders, while you smiled up at him. It was your typical couple in love pose.  He kissed your temple and every girl in eyesight sighed. 

     “I am a doctor.  As a matter of fact, you should get your friend there some water and shade,” you replied motioning to a swaying, giggling girl heading for the margarita truck.  “Maybe no more alcohol for today?”

     “Check out my girl,” Jensen said as the group wandered happily away, “Signing autographs, saving lives.”

     “Saving her from a hangover maybe,” you replied, lacing your fingers through his as you strolled.  “People tend to underestimate the effects of drinking on days like this.”

     “We’ve got about ten more minutes before the intermission is over, want to head back?”

     “Yeah, um maybe hit the bathroom first?”

     You entered the surprisingly empty ladies’ room while Jensen waited for you just outside the door.  You couldn’t wait for this FBI business to be over so you could go to the bathroom alone, like a normal person. 

     You were just washing your hands when the door swung open and a couple of the girls from the earlier group stumbled in, including the drunk one.  You gave a polite nod and stepped out of their way, but it wasn’t quick enough to avoid a collision.  The three of you ended up in a tangle on the floor, two of them giggling and you, definitely not.   

     “Are you two alright,” you asked, trying to keep your composure.

     The tipsy girl threw her head back and laughed, rolling back on the floor.  The other one shook her head in disgust.

     “Ugh, Jesus Suzie!  Bitch never could hold her booze.”

     You felt dizzy.  And unbearably hot!  You tried to get up, but your muscles didn’t respond.  Something wasn’t right. 

     You called for Jensen, but your tongue was heavy in your mouth.  All that came out was a garbled mess.  You felt your heart begin to race as you panicked and your vision blurred.

     “Gee, you seem a little green around the gills, Doctor West.”

     The sober girl was standing at one of the sinks, studying her face in the mirror as she spoke.  Her clothes hung loose on her long, wiry frame.  Choppy black hair framed a thin face with severe features.  Dark eyes, nearly black.  Eyes that were normally behind glasses. 

     Arthur.  “Oh… God.”

     Green dropped to the balls of his feet, a lethal grin twisted his face as he grabbed a handful of your hair and yanked your head back. 

      “Hello again, Y/N.” TAGLIST: @deans-baby-momma @stixnstripesworld @jc-winchester @muchamusedaboutnothing @peterpangirl21 @ficbreaks @teresa-67 @sacriceria @verytoadpapersoul @heartbreak-of-a-marauder @savspersonalproperty @deanwanddamons @jenwinchester40 @perpetualabsurdity @starryeyeseunbyul @sexyvixen7 @katbratsupernaturalwhore @agirlwithdemonblood @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @imthedoctorlove @roonyxx @smellingofpoetry @deanwinchesterswitch @thinkinghardhardlythinking @pink-sparkly-witch @barewithme02 @deadlynightshadeindustries @jc-winchester @mrswhozeewhatsis  @smoothdogsgirl @mrsjenniferwinchester @impalaspixie @chucksfavouriteprophet @imherefordeanandbones

[eisforeidolon]

I'm just wondering is being a guest actor in a show a bad thing. It seems some think since Jensen isn't a lead on another show after being one for 15 years that he is somehow less than now. I'm pretty sure he isn't living check to check since SPN ended. I also think that if Walker wasn't in Austin JP wouldn't even be on another show. I just hate all the bias that goes on. People always say there is no competition but every time I read stuff it sure feels like it.

I mean, the Js might not be competing, but some of their stans sure as fuck are. If you were able to dig back far enough, you'd find that a lot of those making derisive remarks about Jensen not immediately doing another lead role? Are for the most part the exact same stans who, when Jared was making noises about retiring/partially retiring and maybe just doing guest spots on friends' projects, were going on and on about how it was so awesome that he was at a place in his career after all the years on SPN that he could choose what he did/didn't want to do, including taking a step back. Funny how that works out. If my fave does it, it's winning! 🙄

We randos on tumblr have no idea if Jensen wasn't offered any lead roles, wasn't offered any lead roles he wanted, wanted to develop a lead role on a project himself and is still working on it, doesn't actually want to stick to one project right now after 15 years doing the same thing for lead hours, etc.

Furthermore, there is also a world of difference between an actor who has spent most of their career on the CW taking a supporting/guest role on another CW show where the highest rated programs rarely crack 2M viewers on their very best day and it's basically the same audience that already knows you? Versus taking supporting/guest roles on Amazon and ABC programs which can expand your network of contacts and your familiarity to new audiences.

Now that Jensen and Jared aren't making the exact same career choice anymore as co-leads, some stans are determined to prove their fave is "better". The Jared stans insisting Jared is totes winning because he's a lead on one of the CW's top shows while obviously no one has even considered Jensen for a lead role because surely he'd take anything, lol. The Jensen stans insisting Jensen taking smaller roles on bigger networks is totes winning because literally anybody could be a lead on a struggling network like the CW, lol. Again, if my fave does it, it's winning ( and so obviously the other one is losing)! 🙄

For my part I'm just glad they're both still steadily working away on projects they seem excited about.

[alexhoghdaily]

INTERVIEW WITH ALEX HØGH ANDERSEN: GEEKINESS, CREATIVE URGE AND LIFE AFTER THE VIKINGS

—

“I'M BASICALLY A HUMAN BEING WHO NEEDS TO BE STIMULATED ALL THE TIME. OTHERWISE I GET CRAZY IN THE HEAD.”

WRITTEN BY RASMUS KRARUP JENSEN — THURSDAY, APRIL 28, 2022 — PEOPLE MOVIES

Photo: Alex Høgh Andersen

Photo: Viaplay / Nent Group "The Viking: The Fall of the Drug King"

A prison in Riga.

Facial prostheses that begin to bubble below the surface due to sweating, resulting in eczema and barley grains, while a slightly uncomfortable wig keeps sticking to the face - buckets of water and dirt are thrown at the body to make it look like a longer stays at Hotel Tremmely.

A tangle of days, where in one moment you have to tighten your balls so as not to shout in frustration and in the next moment it is hilarious.

The Viking - The Fall of the Drug King was pure rock-n-roll, where the Danish actor Alex Høgh Andersen is highly topical.

Alex Høgh Andersen no doubt knows most from the magnificent period series, Vikings, where he plays the ruthless anti-hero and complex character Ivar the Boneless - almost before he was established as a name back home in Denmark, he never became an important face on a of the greatest series of the time.

We have taken a chat with Alex to hear if he has found a foothold again after the era with the Vikings came to an end and what the future holds for the budding actor and creator.

Alex is a man with a lot of iron in the fire.

In addition to acting, which is his primary career, he is also a co-owner of a watch company, Oliver Green, as well as an ambassador for charities and an ambassador for the Youth Red Cross - and he loves to nerd photography, movies and all sorts of little niche things that just suddenly dumps in front of him from time to time.

In short: it's in progress!

But those are good, important things that make sense to Alex.

Today, Viaplay premieres one of the great documentary series, which goes by the name: The Viking - The Fall of the Drug King.

It goes in depth with the hitherto unheard of story about the drug king Claus Malmqvist, who through a lot of testimonies, evidence and documents from the trial brings new life to the story of one of Denmark's biggest drug criminals - told raw for the unsuspecting in a combination of interviews and fictional creations of reality.

Photo: Viaplay / Nent Group "The Viking: The Fall of the Drug King"

Man flirting and rock-n-roll on the set

It is a series that has been 15 years in the making, where journalist Jeppe Facius has tried to get Malmqvist to speak and agree to tell the story of how close he really was to the million dream, the pension and the happy family life - but loses it all in a final fad, where the ghosts of the past emerge and strain legs for the future prospects.

Goodbye to the millions, the wife and family life - 16 years later he is a changed man who is ready to tell his story to his son.

But it goes deeper than just a gangster's memoirs. In the role of a young Malmqvist, we have Alex Høgh Andersen, who must visually demonstrate some moments and reflections in Malmqvist's turbulent life - and Alex loved the format right from the start.

He already knew the director, Peter Anthony, who made the documentary 'The Man Who Saved the World' - which Alex himself considers a small stroke of genius in the industry.

“It combines documentary and fictional scenes - but makes it look and feel like a documentary throughout. That authenticity is something that is piss-hard to recreate - and therefore it was drone-interesting to be part of The Viking.”

To get completely under the skin of the character and the phenomenon that Claus Malmqvist is, Alex started meeting him for small sessions out in his house in Valby.

Or at a sushi restaurant with a bottle of room to share. Or for a chat over a Paella in Malaga.

It was about looking at each other.

“It has taken a lot of man-flirting to get him to talk.”

He asked at least as many questions back to Alex to find out who the little kid was who was running around and had to portray himself.

“It's a huge privilege to be in my industry - when in the world would you be able to sit down and talk to a former drug lord over a cup of coffee?”

Via a solid round of 'ask me about everything', he got closer to the person, but Claus is a complex person who prefers to keep the cards close and let others speak for him.

“It's not always easy with Claus. But fortunately he has been very involved in the project - it was rare that he was not on the set when we recorded the scenes.”

And committed? It was him.

All the way down to such an extent that he commented on the details of a sex scene where he gave tips and tricks on how it really went under the duvets in his time for Alex.

“It was a great pleasure to hear him explain how he has sex!”

Claus was basically a rock sitting in his armchair - you knew he was sitting with all the cards for the story, but he was hard to wake up in front of the camera.

Maybe it was a defense mechanism. Maybe it was something that came too close at times anyway.

It was an interesting task as an actor to experiment with the balance between the documentary and the fiction, as actors are used to a narrative from start to finish - here Alex instead had to live out the impact on Claus' life, which then had to be realized through an understanding of, what was really going on with him in the given period.

It was almost impossible to get into character long enough to gain a foothold.

“It was a difficult format as an actor. There were no bound stories, and I knew very little about the story - the script was constantly rewritten.”

Photo: @alexhoeghandersen

A creative provincial kid with fire in his ass

Like so many others in the creative profession, his fascination with creating something and entertaining is rooted in a fundamental inability to sit still on the chair at school.

His mother tried to find a channel through which Alex could get an outlet for his energy level, which in Alex's own words tended to a diagnosis - and here the mother found the solution.

He was enrolled in some local theater in the city.

Even he thought it was fucking annoying.

Where he came from in Skælskør, they played either football or handball as a young boy.

“Suddenly I had to stand on the stage with jazz hands - it was very strange, I think. But momma knows best. I absolutely fell in love with the concept and remembering lines, meeting new people and performing on stage.”

Then he entered the Fairy Tale Theater, where he was simply confirmed that he was on the trail of the real career. He then took the step into Film and Media Studies at the University of Copenhagen to focus on all the fronts that he found interesting to immerse himself in.

Deep down, he was still a provincial boy at heart and a little pessimistic about the glamorous life as an actor - so he should have a safety net at the time.

“Acting is one of the most relentless industries one can be in. So I always had in my head that I should have something to fall back on.”

For him, he still had the attitude that the trip to LA with all the industry, the glamor and the wild Hollywood life was something distant to him.

So rather a Tuborg Classic at the local bodega with friends.

But all of a sudden, it was not so much a question of whether he should travel to Hollywood - Hollywood came to him.

He got the role as one of Ragnar Lodbrog's sons in Vikings - Ivar den Benløse.

Originally, he applied for the roles of the other boys in the son of Ragnar, until a producer came and tapped him on the shoulder, indicating that he should try to go after Ivar.

When Ragnar's throne was taken away from him during the Vikings' bloody course of action, the sons took over the limelight, of which the notorious anti-hero snuck into the hearts of viewers as the bestial, vulnerable and deeply conflicting male character Ivar the Benless.

And here Alex was thrown headlong into fame.

Fans chasing him on the street and millions of followers on Instagram.

But for him, life is not tied up in glamor, stellar reputation, the pursuit of followers and fame on social media.

“At that point, I'm very boring and classic in terms of how I perceive an actor. I do not think people should see that I eat an avocado food before I go into the set. People do not need to know who I am - I need to stay as neutral as possible in this world where everyone has their own channels.”

For him, it is about holding on to the joy of work and not being seduced or corrupted by the pursuit of prestige in the world and social media.

But fame has also brought a lot of good with it, and Alex stands stronger than ever in relation to the next step in his career.

Photo: HBO "Vikings"

In the wake of the Vikings

After 3.5 years of filming in Ireland with the Vikings, one thing was seriously cemented for Alex.

“Now I'll damn well have to bet on that acting hallucination. Now it's going too well for me to ignore.”

In his own words, Alex calls himself a greenhorn at the point where the Vikings' career began.

And even though it was a huge step up the career ladder to step into Ivar's universe, it all happened at the right pace.

But it was still a huge upheaval in his life.

To start on such a large and comprehensive job that takes all your time and makes you drop out of university and travel to a foreign country as a 21-year-old.

That you suddenly have to act on social media with campaigns, SoMe appearances and hardcore fans pouring in and stopping you on the street.

“We had already been working on our roles for a year before we were announced to the people. So we had just landed in our respective roles and universes.”

Fortunately, Alex always has a base at home in Denmark, where the population is a little more relaxed.

“I've been to places in the world where you can not sit in a bar without people queuing up for an autograph. Here, Denmark is much more down to earth.”

And it made him think about who he really was and where he stood in the entire entertainment industry.

It may be that he was a big thing in the big world, but how did it fit together here in Denmark?

“The funny thing about such a huge series is that it is primarily the audience that sees it - not so many industry people.”

So even though Alex can boast over 2 million followers and an immortal character in Vikings - it's not necessarily the same as the industry people trooping up in front of his door with one script after another.

“There was a fun transition phase where people just had to realize that I was done with the Vikings and still 'existed', so to speak.”

After Corona, he's in a really good place now, and it's going on. Maybe also a little too much at once if you ask Alex's closest, but he feels very privileged and feels best in a controlled chaos.

It was great for him to return to the Danish setting on Ole Bornedal's 'The Shadow in My Eye', which was a somewhat different genre than he had been used to for many years.

Again as an antihero who is ultimately the kind of character that interests Alex higher than others.

“The most interesting characters are those where the actor is in doubt about whether they should stick with the character or not - and can make the audience ask questions about themselves.”

Now Alex has reached the point in his life where he has plenty of time to choose the right projects that can pave the way forward for his career.

“Now it's really about finding interesting projects that challenge me. Now it's about convincing the industry and the audience that I can do much more than shouting and screaming in Icelandic with blood on my face.”

Photo: Viaplay / Nent Group "The Viking: The Fall of the Drug King"

Photography as a stimulus

“I am basically a human being who needs to be stimulated all the time. Otherwise I will go crazy in the head.”

In addition to the noble acting, Alex goes to great lengths to take pictures.

He has, so to speak, always taken pictures and began to seriously find interest in capturing snapshots at the age of 13 years.

Photography is for him a form of self-therapy.

When he worked at the Vikings, he was on the set every single day and there is a lot of waiting time. He just walked around the set when his name was not on shot for the day's recordings and snapped loose by various extras with beards down to the navel and in full makeup.

Here he began to seriously dive into portrait art and capture faces. He used the time to immerse himself in photography to capture moments.

And that's really the essence of his work - whether he's in front of or behind the camera - to create.

And before it sounds too snobby and high-flying - then we are also talking about something as simple and value-creating in everyday life as collecting LEGO.

“As recently as yesterday, I had a little session in the LEGO store, where I dream away to the famous Millennium Falcon on the shelf.”

Basically, Alex is a nerd by the grace of God.

When it's not just about photos and movies, he just suddenly and spontaneously discovers the love of basketball.

Or American football. Right now it's a lot about Formula 1.

And that is also reflected in his bid for what his dream project would be if he had free play.

“Then I transformed myself into a Sith apprentice or Sith lord in some Star Wars universe. Probably not a series, but a new trilogy and try to rectify the last three disasters in the franchise.”

A talk that could continue for an eternity between two nerds and which resulted in a series of less flattering adjectives about the new trilogy.

A talk that rhymes with religion-brainwashed jedis, measuring pee men with the movie budget and painful misunderstandings to fans.

We'll take it further in a dedicated article for another day, Alex!

Right now he has a lot of projects, both at home and abroad, that are on the horizon, which he - for good reasons - can not unveil yet.

What he can reveal, however, is that on the next project, he has moved behind the camera to direct his first TV series with his friend Magnus Haugaard.

“We got a stupid idea that turned out to be a really good idea.”

He has already got the director elements under his skin, as certain days on the recordings for the Vikings were shrouded in spontaneity, rock-n-roll and learn-by-doing.

“Stop now, where we had many days at Vikings, where me, another actor and a brand new, piss-nervous director stood in the morning and had to make a scene work from a first draft.”

He can find out.

He has learned to make scenes work, instruct himself and the scenes. The script front and framing a scene with words is where he lacks a little more knowledge.

He has already made a small short film, which according to Alex will NEVER see the world - and that it is obviously for the best.

While we wait to see what the next steps in Alex's career will be, from today ( 28/4 2022 ) we can watch his new TV series The Viking: The Fall of the Drug King on Viaplay.

We say thank you for your time and look forward to standing first in the ticket queue for your upcoming Sith movie!

—

CREDIT: CONNERY.DK

[spneveryseason]

Hope your birthday is fabulous. If you haven't done it already, how about a fic where Sam was the one who died in the barn. How does Dean tell everyone and burn his body? Does he hang out in the bunker for a while like Sam did or does he take off? Does he rot away in a bar like Jensen said he probably would? Thanks.

Thank you so much! 😁 This is a really interesting idea, I hope I did it justice:

Then Let it End

The Ohio Sentinel

Serial Killer Finally Caught After Fifteen Year Hunt

Canton, Ohio: Officers arrested notorious serial killer Dean Winchester last night in a barn just outside Canton. 911 had received a call from who was later revealed to be Winchester himself, requesting immediate help for his brother and partner in crime, Sam. Sam Winchester did not survive his injuries.

Winchester has been an enigma ever since he was a child. His mother, Mary, died in an electrical fire in 1983, and his father, John, took his children and went disappeared mere weeks later. After that, the Winchesters were registered across a myriad of schools across the country, some of which they stayed less than a week. It seemed Winchester senior was intentionally staying off the grid, drifting across the country with no rhyme, reason or pattern to it. Some time after 2006, John Winchester disappeared entirely. His whereabouts remain unknown.

Dean Winchester has been attached to violent crime from the second he reached adulthood. It started with credit card fraud, then escalated to grave desecration and impersonating law enforcement until, in 2005, he was connected to his first murder. Just months prior to this, his brother Sam had disappeared from Stanford University after the death of his girlfriend, Jessica, in an apartment fire. The fire occurred mere days after Dean re-entered his brother’s life.

After this, the Winchester brothers became wanted felons, and would increase the severity of their crimes, escaping police custody several times through the fifteen years that they’ve been on the run. This includes murders in up to the hundreds, as well as several spree killings and an attempt at the life of the President of the United States.

Yesterday, law enforcement arrived to a horrific scene in the barn: tens of bodies, as of yet unidentified, scattered across the floor. It is currently believed that they were Dean Winchester’s final victims. Winchester himself was at the back, holding onto his brother’s body. He had only been dead for several minutes before ambulances got there. Winchester submitted to his arrest with no resistance, and awaits justice for his long and storied career of crime.

Two children were found alive at the scene, but the details on their involvement have not been released.

-

Ambulance Request D. Winchester 911 Transcript 11/19/2020

Dispatcher: 911, what’s your emergency?

DW: It’s my brother. He’s...he’s hurt

Dispatcher: Hurt how?

DW: He’s got...he’s got this rebar through his chest. He fell back on it and it’s sticking out of him.

SW (muffled): Dean...it’s too—

DW: Shut up, Sam! Hurry, okay? He’s bleeding lot, he needs help now

Dispatcher: Sir, stay on the phone. Ambulance will be there in four minutes

DW: Tell them to go faster!

SW: Dean...you gotta run, okay? You gotta go. You can’t let them find you here.

DW: I’m not leaving you.

SW: Dean...look at me. I’m not...I’m...

DW: Please

SW: Dean, listen. Listen, okay? You need to listen to me now

Dispatcher: Sir?

SW: You’re the best man...you’re the best person I’ve ever known

DW: I won’t let you

SW: Dean, you have to. No more deals, no more special treatment. This is it

DW: No...

SW: Listen, please. Listen.

Dispatcher: Two minutes

SW: Listen, okay. You deserve everything. You deserve everything good. You’ve given everything up for me, you’ve done everything for me. And now, I want you for think about you, okay? I want you to think about yourself

DW: I want you to stay

SW: I would if I could. But I can’t. And I’m not...I’m not gonna make the same mistake again. I’m not gonna tell you what to do from here. I want you to do whatever feels right to you. Whatever it is.

DW (voice breaking): Sammy

SW: I love you, man. Thank you.

DW: Sam, stay with me. Sam?? SAMMY??

Dispatcher: They’re outside

-

DEAN WINCHESTER

PART 1 OF RECORDED INTERVIEW

Date: 11/20/2020

Duration of full interview: 2 hours

Location: Canton, Oh

Conducted by Officers of the CPD

Officer M: This interview is going to be recorded. Do you understand that?

DW: [silence]

Officer M: Do you understand?

DW: Yes

Officer M: Why were you in that barn, Mr. Winchester?

DW: [silence]

Officer M: I can’t help you if you don’t tell me anything

DW: It doesn’t matter

Officer M: Sorry?

DW: I was helping people. Like I always do. Like we always do. But it doesn’t matter, because you won’t believe me. You never do.

Officer M: How were you helping people?

DW: We were protecting them from monsters

Officer M: Monsters?

DW: Yeah. Monsters are real. Ghosts, vampires, demons. The whole nine. They’re real. And we protect you from them.

Officer M: So those people in the barn. They were monsters

DW: Yeah. Vampires, specifically. Which you would know if you did an actual autopsy. How do you never notice?

Officer M: You expect me to believe that?

DW: No, but it’s the truth. And I’m sick of lying

Officer M: I can’t help you if you keep talking like this.

DW: I won’t lie any more. That’s what happened.

Officer M: Okay, in that case...

DW: Wait

Officer M: What?

DW: My brother

Officer M: What about him?

DW: Can you...can you make sure he gets cremated? It’s...it’s what he wanted.

Officer M: I can do that

DW: Thank you. Can I...can I be there?

Officer M: Will you tell me the truth?

DW: That was the truth

Officer M: Then I can’t get you there

-

To: Dean Winchester

Ohio State Penitentiary

878 Coitsville-Hubbard Road Youngstown

Ohio

Dear Dean,

This is kind of funny. I’ve never written a physical letter before. This feels weird.

Anyway, first thing’s first. I’m so so sorry about Sam. I cried when I heard. We all did. We miss him so much, I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling right now. I’m so sorry.

Second thing: we saw what’s going on. You don’t deserve to be in jail. Jody told me she’s working on getting you out so you can finally be free, and I believe her. I know it looks likely that you’re gonna be found guilty but even if that happens, hang in there.

We’re getting you out, Dean. I promise.

Love,

Claire.

-

CNN

@CNN

Dean Winchester has been found guilty of all charges. He faces the death penalty for it.

3:20 PM - Feb 11, 2021

-

Confidential Psychological Evaluation

Name: Dean Winchester

Date of Birth: January 24th, 1979

Date of Interview: February 15, 2021

Chronological Age: 42 years, 0 months, 22 days

Race/Gender: Caucasian/Male

Examiner’s Name: Dr. Philip Wright

Reason for Referral

Patient suffers from extreme paranoia and is convinced by his own fantastical delusions.

Dr Wright: How’re you doing, Dean?

DW: How do you think?

Dr. Wright: Can you expand on that?

DW: Well, damn. I don’t know. How about the fact that I’m in jail right now? That they’re probably gonna kill me? That I spent my whole life fighting to be free, and now I never will be?

Dr. Wright: That’s—

DW: Or, how about this one. That my brother said that his final request was that I live my life, and I can’t even do that for him? I can’t even do anything for him?

Dr. Wright: So you’d only want to live because your brother told you to?

DW: Don’t give me that. You don’t know me. You don’t know us. I’ve let him down so much, always refused to do what he wanted. The one time I try to do that, try to make up for it, you won’t let me.

Dr. Wright: So you don’t think you deserve to be here?

DW: That’s a loaded question. For the reasons that I am? No

Dr Wright: Oh, so you do agree that—

DW: I’ve made mistakes. I’ve hurt people, people who didn’t deserve to get hurt. But what you think I’ve done? It’s not true. It’s never been true.

Dr Wright: You mean...the monsters?

DW: Yeah. The monsters. I could show you proof, you know. Very easily. But you never let me. You never let me. I can’t keep anyone safe from in here.

Dr Wright: By killing them?

DW: Look. You can think whatever you want about me. Hell, I probably deserve it. But if you call me a serial killer, then you’re calling Sam one. And he doesn’t deserve that. I’m not letting you tarnish his reputation like that.

-

To: save dean listserv

From: jody.mills@yahoo.com

CC: donnydonna@hotmail.com

Subject: Help Get Dean Out

Dear All,

My name is Jody Mills, and I’m a good longtime friend of one Dean Winchester. I’ve gotten your contact information from extensive research into Dean’s past cases, and I have a huge request to ask of you.

I’m reaching out to you because Dean Winchester has saved your life. He has put himself in danger for every single one of you, and in doing so has presented you with the truth of what’s out there. Because let’s be frank: everyone here, including me, has had a sudden and violent introduction to the world of monsters out there, and have been inherently changed from it.

We’ve been mostly sitting by ourselves, taking in this new worldview instead of going out there and doing something about it. Sam did, and he died doing it. We can’t save him, but we can save Dean. And we can do it by speaking our truth, and the reality of what has happened to us.

If you want to help, reply to this email with the affirmative. All we’re asking from you is your willingness to tell your story, to get your story out there. To get everyone else to see the truth. This is going to change the world, no question. But people like Dean have worked hard to make sure we didn’t have to sacrifice it. It’s time we, as a community, gave back. It’s time to make sure people like Sam and Dean don’t have to exist anymore.

Please reach out to me with your answer,

Regards,

Jody Mills

-

Memorandum of Telephone Conversation

Subject: Requested Phone Call to a Maximum Security Inmate

Participants: Dean Winchester and Jody Mills

Date, time, place: March 1, 2021, 9:07 AM, Ohio State Penitentiary

Jody: Dean?

Dean: Jody.

Jody: Oh, god, Dean. It’s so good to hear your voice.

Dean: You too

Jody: I know I’ve said it before in my letters, but, God. Dean, I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.

Dean: I know.

Jody: We think about him every day.

Dean: I do, too

Jody: I’m also sorry I haven’t called earlier. I’ve...I’ve been working on something

Dean: Yeah, Claire’s been saying

Jody: In detail?

Dean: No

Jody: Good. This is...this is big. We have to keep it secret so that we can do this right

Dean: What do you mean?

Jody: It means we’re getting you out. All of us.

Dean: Jody, don’t do anything stupid.

Jody: I’m not. It’s about time, anyway. This isn’t sustainable or fair on anyone. This is no way to justice

Dean: What?

Jody: You’ll know soon enough.

Dean: I won’t accept it if you do something dangerous for me.

Jody: Okay. Do it for Sam.

Dean: What?

Jody: He wouldn’t want you here. And, well...I can’t specify but so much of this is inspired by Sam. He always wanted things to change.

Dean: Jody...

Jody: I’ll see you soon. I promise.

-

12:04 PM

C: It’s happening tomorrow

K: Oh my god

C: i know. I feel kind of sick

K: i can imagine

C: it’s just...everything is going to change, you know? Everything

K: yeah

C: over 300 people reached out to us. I’ve never seen anything like it before

K: are you surprised?

C: i guess not. Like...seeing all those people, you know? I always saw Sam and Dean as just Sam and Dean. But they’re more than how I knew them. They’ve saved so many people. They’re like, legends.

K: well. I mean. Both of us experienced that too. To an extent

C: Yeah. I don’t blame you for not seeing it the same way

K: have we decided how yet?

C: Yeah. They’ve...they’ve captured a demon. And they have a cursed object. And brought in one of Rowena’s contacts. They have backups on top of backups

K: holy shit

C: Yeah, they’re in the bunker for now. The ones that showed up in person. It’s weird.

K: the worlds gonna change tomorrow, huh?

C: Yeah. I’m kind of scared

K: I’ll be there tomorrow. I promise, I’ll be there

C: just in case. I love you

K: i know. I love you too

-

The Washington Post

It’s Confirmed: There Are Things Out There in the Dark

Washington DC: The shocking revelation came this Thursday.

The Department of Homeland Security has confirmed the existence of various supernatural creatures previously believed to be fictional. These include vampires, werewolves, ghosts, zombies, ghouls, witches, and many, many more. The full list can be found on their website. The Department has assured us that they have been convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt as to the validity of this information.

The President will be airing a statement about how to stay safe going forward at 5pm today. The White has already announced the formation of a Department of the Supernatural to address this new addition to our society.

The White House has also stressed that their information has revealed that not all these creatures are evil or dangerous, but it is essential to exercise caution until you know how to handle what is out there. For now, stay home if you can, and we will be receiving all necessary information during the President’s statement today.

All information that will be revealed has been researched and compiled throughly by the group who has brought the revelations forward. The White House has made sure to thank them for their bravery and their contribution to the safety of their fellow man.

God help us all.

Related article: Dean Winchester Released From Prison, Cleared of All Charges. His Involvement in the Upcoming Department is Yet to be Determined

My 25th birthday celebration

Tag request: @thelorewhore

Ao3 Link

[themoodyestj]

Hello, my beloved.

today i bring you a list of stuff you can try to not be so bitter and miserable all the time.

1. breath slowly, in and out, relax.

2. take a nap

3. eat a cookie

4. listen to some music

5. touch some grass

6. get laid ( if no one wants you, hands and a picture of Dee are valid too!)

7. hug your pet ( or a cactus if you don't have a pet)

8. practice acceptance (Dee is the Queen and you're never going to be her and Jensen is never going to fuck you)

9. find someone you actually like and admire, and fan over that person (not some guy you think is a mediocre actor and a pushover who can't stand for himself and needs idiots from the internet to defend him from his wife)

10. remember that i love you, and this is not hate, just constructive criticism because i want you to be better.

❤️ your secret admirer

Awww, my secret admirer again. :D Does that mean I'm getting flowers everyday now? So happy to see you, honey. Thanks for all the advice, I take them to heart. Although, sadly, I have to say I'm not as bitter or as miserable as you may want me to be. I do have a family, two cats and a dog, and a career. I do get laid quite often and im a fierce advocate of lone intimacy. Super healthy, I do it all. But also, I have an opinion. One that ruffles many many feathers, but in case you didnt notice, I don't quite care. But hey, if it feeds your delusion that all people who disagree with you are sad and lonely, by all means, stick to it. We dont want you having a psychotic breakdown, do we? Lets try to avoid that at all costs. I gotta say, number 8 sent me. We don't all have the same aspirations in life. Perhaps you'd like to sleep with Jensen (cause honey, the projection is strong here) and you use Dee as a heavy self insert, but I honestly dont want to. It is perfectly ok to like someone (and at the same time critique someone) and not want to sleep with them. I know, mindblowing, right? Such a complex concept, Im sure you find it hard to grasp. But just because its hard for you to understand, it doesnt make it less real. I bet a lot is really hard for you to understand, so...

Danneel being a queen? Of what exactly? Honey, I don't want to be her, I wanna be me. Should i aspire to be someone, it would be a woman who in fact has a flourishing career, and not someone whose assets are basically marrying someone. I'd aspire to be someone with talent, inteligence, gumption. Not someone who still rides on the small parts she played in the past because she knows there isnt much really going on for her. Someone who overpriced her pictures at Wales Con expecting to have a great reception only to find a very small line for her and feeling desperate enough to take pics with her kids insteadto feel relevant. You know, Id actually be less critic of her if she was more honest about herself. If she wasnt so fast to take jabs at her own husband when she herself has very little to offer. But hey, if thats your Queen... By all means. She definitely isnt mine. I dont think Jensen is mediocre. I think he let himself go a little. I think he was happier in SPN days and I miss that light, to be honest. Maybe ill see him improve in his next projects and ill be the first to applaud him for that (and ill post about it too, so stay tuned). As of lately... Ive seen a man who plans a concert with no AC, struggling to sing, I see a man who's tense next to his wife, I see a man who seems to be self medicating to cope and that worries me. I do hope he improves, I wish him no harm. But of course this doesnt help your delulu, so i know your brain will totally ommit what i just wrote. Ok, this is all the attention youre getting now. Im starting to think you do actually love me, cause this was fun! You delulus never fail in giving me a good hearted laugh! See you soon, secret admirer!

[laf-outloud]

Ok so when Jensen said he gave up saying no to the poses hellers requested him and Misha do, because it was no use. Basically, they harassed him to the point he just broke down and accepted it. This made me remember an interview he did on the red carpet a couple years ago where he was asked (paraphrasing) "in what way do you wish you were like dean". And he said he wish he could stick up for himself and not take any shit from anyone. Now this could be pertaining to other aspects in his life, but now that I remembered that interview and with what he said at the con, I can't help but think his answer in the red carpet interview does correlate to the uncomfortable ops he had to take part in. I also thought about how he wanted to take time off after spn ended and travel over Europe and Danneel said no and told him he needed to get back to work and the promotion pic for Misha's book, it kinda looks like he just went along with it just to get them off his back.

If anyone has receipts of the interviews anon's mentioned, please feel free to add them! While I believe you, anon, sometimes things can be taken out of context and I'd love to hear exactly what was said.

I know that the Architectural Digest tour had multiple instances of Danneel being passive-aggressive towards him and I cringed when he never said anything.

But at this point, he's over 40 years old. He's lived on his own, he's gotten married, had kids, if he doesn't know how to stick up for himself by now, it's unfortunate. Part of it may be that he is an introvert and it's possible he's just trying to get through whatever he needs to with the least amount of resistance

Sometimes it's a matter of weighing the cost/benefit analysis. "How much is giving in to this thing going to cost me in career prospects, personal comfort, etc.?" "If I don't give in, what are the benefits/consequences?"

Giving in is not always a matter of being wimpy or a pushover (or a woobie as some people treat him). It's deciding how much he's willing to put up with in order to get what he wants (whatever that is) on the other side. I can't say where Jensen's analysis comes out on where his line is, and I don't think any of us can really speak for him on that point.

Either way, we know what he's said, both he and Misha were uncomfortable with some photo op requests, he's adjusted his comfort level, and if he really doesn't want to do something, he adapts and we get these gems!

Sources: x, x

[green-blue-heller]

Look What You Made Me Do (Cockles FanFic)

Title: Look What You Made Me Do

Pairing: Cockles (Jensen x Misha)

Fandom: Supernatural RPF

Rating: GA

A/N: Part of my 500 follower celebration. This was based off a prompt by @dolphindiluna.

If you want to send me a prompt based on the theme, coming out, check out my pinned post.

Words: 2729

Read on AO3

Jensen stood on the stage, Robbie and the boys of Louden Swain behind him, music pumping into his earbuds as he smiled at the roaring crowd. A wave of panic filled him as the opening notes of his intro music sent the crowd into a frenzy, and he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

In the back of his mind, there was a voice screaming at him to turn around and leave the stage as quickly as he could. That would be the smart thing to do. Especially since his stunt was about to lead to career suicide.

But as he glanced to his right, he caught sight of Misha and the smile on the other man’s face took his breath away. With a shy smile, he looked down at his feet for a moment.

You can do this, Jackles.

It wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision that brought him up on stage during the con’s Saturday Night Special.

It started out as something he wanted to do for Misha. Which was totally the wrong reason to want to do this. But he’d had such a hard time after the show ended.

Truthfully, he’d been having a hard time the last couple of years, and Jensen knew he hadn’t made things easier. Misha had never shied away from his sexuality, while Jensen had still very much been in the closet except for a few close friends.

But the whole Destiel thing had been like watching a trainwreck you just couldn’t look away from. The network and studio handled things badly and forced Misha to take the brunt of it, even though it wasn’t anywhere near the scope of his responsibility.

But he did it.

And Jensen hated it.

There had been a few bigwigs in charge who hadn't known but highly suspected that Jensen and Misha had been an item. It wasn’t like they really hid it on set, but they didn’t flaunt it either.

Misha called their remarks whenever they were on set or at a con, a microaggression.

Jensen took his word for it, as he really had no clue, other than that Misha meant it was homophobic, even if they didn’t seem to be on the surface.

So, he wanted to do something for Misha. To show him that he was loved and appreciated. And that he was committed to him, even with the show being over.

Misha and Danneel were his forever. And he never wanted either of them to forget it.

He had spent long hours over the last couple of weeks leading up to Vegas Con, talking it out with not just Misha, but with Danneel and even Vicki. They, along with the kids, were his life. And he would never make a rash decision, especially a possibly life-altering one, without consulting them first.

But they understood what he wanted. And what it could mean for all of them.

And they were all ready to stand by his side, no matter what he chose.

So, two months after he first got that cursed idea, he found himself on stage, in Vegas for the first time since the show wrapped up.

What a clusterfuck that had been. He knew it was bad as soon as it had been pitched. There were too many ways that things could go wrong by the time they got to the finale. And boy, did they ever go wrong.

Not that he was against Dean and Cas ending up together.

Jensen snuck another peek at Misha and smiled to himself. No, he definitely did not mind Dean and Cas ending up together. They deserved to be as happy as he and Misha.

The only problem was that, as he suspected, by the time push came to shove, no one was able to pull the trigger.

They’d cocked the gun and pointed it, had Cas confess, but then the execs at the studio were on edge over the dailies they’d been sent. With a global pandemic knocking on their door, they were afraid to go with anything but sticking to the status quo.

Except the show had been anything but status quo for quite some time. They were just too slow to realize.

He knew some of it was personal bias but that most of it was business. Though they managed to screw up even that.

But he was at the con, and he was going to do what he could. For everyone involved who deserved some vindication. They deserved to know they weren’t crazy.

Jensen took a deep breath and looked out at the crowd and gave them the most charming Dean Winchester smile he could manage.

And it sent them wild.

“Hey, guys!” When the crowd cheered their own greeting back at him, Jensen grinned.

With another deep breath, he steeled his nerves and mentally nudged himself forward. This had been his idea, and he still knew and agreed that it was the best idea, but that didn’t make him any less nervous.

Especially since he knew he was about to piss off the studio execs who were footing a large portion of the bill for his and Danneel’s production company.

He was almost certain he could kiss that goodbye.

“Look, I know there has been a lot of discourse since the show ended, and even more questions. I wish I could give you all the answers you’re looking for, but I hope that tonight, we can clear some things up.”

He knew it wasn’t a lot, but he wanted to be able to give the fans as much as he could, as much as he was comfortable with.

“Wow,” he said with a chuckle. “I haven’t been this nervous up on stage in a long time.”

He grinned at Rob as the music morphed and the opening bars to a Taylor Swift song kicked into his ears.

Part of him felt stupid. This was a stupid song for him to sing. But it was fitting.

He didn’t like to be backed into a corner, nor did he like his loved ones to be put into uncomfortable positions. And that had happened with most of them since their twelve-to-fifteen-year tenure on Supernatural ended.

Jensen knew he made a lot of mistakes in the last decade, and tonight he planned on correcting some of them.

A cleansing breath went through his lungs as he caught sight of Misha again, who flashed him a grin and a thumbs up.

He could do it.

He needed to do it.

Misha deserved it.

Jensen deserved it.

Their wives deserved it.

He opened his mouth and as soon as he started to croon out the first line, his voice low and smooth like a fine whiskey, the fans erupted into such a frenzy. Jensen thought might never stop grinning.

“I don't like your little games

Don't like your tilted stage

The role you made me play of the fool

No, I don't like you

I don't like your perfect crime

How you laugh when you lie

You said the gun was mine

Isn't cool, no, I don't like you”

As Jensen finished the first verse of the song, he felt his confidence grow. He’d practiced - a lot. He knew what he was doing and he trusted the band to be there for him and back him up as they’d rehearsed.

They’d smoothed out some of the music, made it more fitting to his vocal style, and the crowd erupted as the music morphed into what was more likely to resemble a 90’s rock ballad than a Taylor Swift song.

In the back of his mind, he thought it was a little sacrilege, but he’d never admit it out loud.

“But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time

Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time

I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined

I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me-

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me do”

Jensen soon found himself bopping his head along with the crowd.

With a grin, he turned and strode over to Rob, who shook his head with a hearty laugh.

“I don't like your kingdom keys

They once belonged to me

You asked me for a place to sleep

Locked me out and threw a feast (what?)”

This was it.

His moment.

Their moment.

Jensen is no longer looking at the crowd. He’s all but forgotten there is even anyone else there as he continues to sing without even thinking about it.

How could he think, when he found himself lost in the perfect storm of those blue eyes that stared back into his green ones?

He moved with purpose as he marched across the stage.

“The world moves on, another day another drama, drama

But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma

And then the world moves on, but one thing's for sure

Maybe I got mine, but you'll all get yours”

And in one swift motion, he pulled Misha, who had taken his outstretched hand, and pulled him out on the stage and Rob picked up the vocals and sang the chorus.

They had taken a few steps back when they let go and Jensen’s hand reached up to cup Misha’s face while his left hand, which still had his microphone, snaked its way under his boyfriend’s arm and wrapped around his back.

Jensen gently pulled Misha against him, who complied, putting both his hands on Jensen’s hips as their lips met and lazily molded together.

They fit perfectly.

Kissing Misha wasn’t even something Jensen had to think about, it just came as naturally as kissing Danneel.

He was sure the crowd was going crazy, but all he could hear was the whimper he elicited from his boyfriend as their lips parted and Jensen’s tongue caressed Misha’s.

“But I got smarter

I got harder in the nick of time (nick of time)

Honey, I rose up from the dead

I do it all the time (I do it all the time)

I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined

I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!”

Jensen pulled away, hand sliding down to Misha’s shoulder, breathless as always when Misha is near.

“I love you, babe,” Jensen whispered as he looked into Misha’s shining eyes that threatened to spill tears. Because even though he knew what Jensen was planning, it was real, at that moment, and Jensen could see that it was hitting Misha harder than he could have imagined.

His heart swelled as he moved his hand from cupping Misha’s shoulder to wrap around the back of his neck and pull him into a hug.

As he turned their bodies to face toward the crowd, Jensen smiled, his own teary eyes taking in the crowd that had gone wild, and dropped a soft kiss onto the top of Misha’s head.

With a grin, he stepped back and glanced over his shoulder to see Rob grinning at him. He threw the other man a wink as he gave a nod of appreciation for all his support and love not only given to him, but to Misha.

As he turned his gaze back to the crowd, a wicked grin spread across his face as he tilted his head at Misha, who was still securely snuggled into his side, and brought the microphone back to his mouth.

“Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me-

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me do”

Jensen couldn’t help but chuckle into the microphone as he caught Misha’s eye roll. Of course, the older man thought he was being over the top and more protective than he needed to be. But he also knew how much it meant to him.

The look in his eyes, at the unshed tears and the smile that went on for miles, was all Jensen needed at that moment.

He knew he made the right decision. His family was more important than some job. There were plenty of things he could do besides acting or having a production company, if it actually came to that.

There was the Family Business Beer Company, there was Radio Company, not to mention the profits they turned from renovating houses and flipping them. And it wasn’t like the studio or network could now retroactively go back and undo the contract he already had for residuals from the show.

Jensen tried to swoop in and steal a kiss, but Misha let out a shy laugh and playfully pushed his face away as he gave one of his patented not-so-subtle winks. He immediately found himself letting out a chuckle as he let his arm fall from Misha’s shoulder and took a step forward, really paying attention to the crowd for the first time.

They were on their feet still, and going wild. All the bright lights from the cameras snapping pictures was a little much, especially since there wasn’t supposed to be flash photography, but he couldn’t find it in him to complain about anything at the moment.

As the bridge was about to kick in, he motioned with his hand for the crowd to join him.

“I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actor starring in your bad dreams

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actor starring in your bad dreams

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actor starring in your bad dreams

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actor starring in your bad dreams”

He was grinning like a loon as he dropped his arm to his side, but he really didn’t care. Especially as he made his way back over to Misha and slid his hand home within Misha’s. They were a perfect fit.

“(Ooh, look what you made me do)

(Look what you made me do)

(Look what you just made me do)

I'm sorry

But the old Jensen can't come to the phone right now

Why? Oh, 'cause he's dead (oh)”

He knew he’d get in trouble for it later, but with a dramatic flourish, Jensen held his arm out in front of him and let the mic fall to the stage.

What were they going to do? Fire him?

As Jensen stared into the endless pools of Misha’s blue eyes, he didn’t really care what they did anymore.

He was going to do what he wanted, what felt right . And not let anyone else tell him differently.

And at that moment, all he wanted to do was kiss Misha.

His movement caught the other man by surprise, as he reached over and put one hand behind his back, and one behind his head, and gave him a slight dip before he leaned down and claimed his lips.

When they came up for air, they didn’t even realize there was anyone else in the room. They only had eyes for each other as they reached for each other at the same time, took each other’s hand, and walked off the stage as Rob and the band finished out the song.

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me-

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me do

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me-

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me do

If you want to be added or taken off my tag list, please let me know either in the comments or via a DM.

@dolphindiluna @kristina710

[hologramcowboy]

What are your thoughts on Brad and Angelina? Do you see similarities to Jensen and Danneel? (Danneel being Brad)

No. Brad and Angelina actually loved each other at some point. Jensen and Danneel got together to advance both of their careers and enhance their images, their choices show their marriage was nothing but a business arrangement. The only reason Jensen is sticking with his choice was revealed by him during a recent interview about Big Sky. The answer he gave spoke volumes about how he is choosing to continue a dead marriage only for the sake of his children. He is not considering himself in the equation, he doesn't realize that those kids can feel something is off and that they will feel his disconnection and unhappiness and blame it on themselves. He thinks that if he sticks with Elta kids will be happy. Kids are intuitive and connected to their parents, they will feel all the disharmony even if he acts perfect around them. But I guess he will learn that in time, I just hope he learns it before those kids suffer through hell due to his stubborness.

[sweetyyhippyy]

Part of You. Spencer Reid x OC! Character. Chapter 7.

(not my gif)

Summary: Bridgett’s life gets turned upside down with the news that her sister is missing. The team travels to her home town to help find her.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x OC! Plus size character, Bridgett Mendez

TW: Mentions of rape throughout this whole chapter (If this makes you uncomfortable, do not read or engage), underage dating (17 year old and 26 year old), mentions of a gun, talk about death, finding a dead body, language. If i missed anything let me know.

Word count: 5.9k

A.N.: This chapter has a very dark and heavy story line, if you don’t feel comfortable reading the chapter with all of the trigger warnings up above, please do not read. This is mid season 6 Spencer (pre Emily’s “death”).

~ ~ ~

“You do!” Spencer laughs, his hand resting on Bridgett’s knee, his thumb slowly going back and forth against her knee cap.

“I do not! You’re the one that snores in my ear when you’re sleeping behind me and spooning me.” Bridgett teases back, shoving his shoulder playfully.

“Just when I’m extra tired.”

“Oh so that would be all the time.” Bridgett laughs, touching his cheek with her fingers. “What do you want to do this weekend? Hoping we don’t have a case interrupting it.” Spencer moves his hand up Bridgett’s thigh, staring at her intensely.

“You.” Spencer says quietly. Bridgett smirks at him, taking his wandering hand and holding it in hers.

“Is that so? Well I think that sounds like a pretty busy weekend.”

“Yeah I think it will be.” Spencer replies, making her heart flutter a little bit, taking her hand and kissing it.

“Bridgett, I need to speak with you. My office.” Hotch says, whizzing past her toward his office.

Bridgett and Spencer look at each other with wide eyes.

“You think he noticed?” Bridgett asks, hopping off Spencer’s desk onto her feet.

“Yes he noticed! I was basically 2 seconds away from making out with you!”

“But why didn’t he call both of us in?”

“You have to separate the suspects in order to get the full story.”

Bridgett glares at him, walking away quickly up to Hotch’s office. When she walks through the doorway she sees Rossi sitting in as well.

“What’s going on? Am I in trouble for doing what I was doing with Spencer?”

Rossi raises an eyebrow, glancing over at Hotch, now wondering what she was doing with Spencer.

“No. Shut the door and sit please.”

Bridgett shuts the door carefully, the walk over to the chair seeming like a mile away.

Hotch sighs, “When was the last time you spoke to your sister?”

Bridgett furrows her eyebrows, her mind instantly swimming, “On Sunday evening. We always call each other then. Why are you asking about her?”

“When was the last time you spoke to your parents?”

“I don’t.”

“When was the last time you had any contact?” Rossi questions, flipping through a folder in his hands.

“My mom called me about,” Bridgett pauses, thinking back in her mind, “A year and a half ago. She left a voicemail about how she was leaving my dad because he got another woman pregnant. But I’ve heard that so many times and I don’t care to speak to her anyway so I didn’t call her back. What’s going on?”

“Celeste is missing. Your parents reported her missing an hour ago. We just got the call about 20 minutes ago.”

Hotch hands her the missing person’s flyer, her sister’s senior picture with all of her information on the side. Bridgett’s heart drops into her stomach, staring at the paper in her hand. She automatically dissociates from the situation, everything in the room going dead quiet, tears welling up in her eyes.

“When?”

“Your parents last saw her Monday morning on her way to school.” Rossi says.

Bridgett comes back to reality, eyes flickering between Hotch and Rossi, her blood boiling. “Wait, wait. She’s been missing for 4 days and they just barely reported her missing? They haven’t seen her in fucking four da-“ Bridgett laughs in disbelief, rubbing the middle of her forehead in circles.

“We’re taking the case on. Your sister isn’t the only young girl missing. 3 other girls, ages 18-20 years old were reported missing within the past month.”

“Were any of them found alive?” Bridgett questions.

“Bridgett, we don’t know if they’re connected.” Hotch says trying to get her to calm down.

“I know I’ve been a cry baby every day of my life since you’ve known me, but I’m a big girl, I can handle the truth. I know you know if they’re connected.”

The two men give each other a look before turning back to look at Bridgett.

“It’s not for certain but we do have reason to believe they’re connected. And no, none of them were found alive. But that doesn’t mean your sister isn’t alive. We want you to do the briefing on the jet. I’m going to tell the team wheels up in 20.”

“Can I have a minute before we go?”

“Of course. We’re going to find her, Bridgett. I promise.” Hotch says, making a point to look into her eyes.

Bridgett gives him a small smile, trying to keep her tears at bay. As soon as both of them leave Bridgett breaks down, tears falling down her cheeks onto the paper still in her hand. She didn’t have to be as smart as Spencer to figure out who Celeste was with. She just hopes that she ran off with him and it wasn’t a violent end.

**** Bridgett sits by herself in the back of the jet while everyone else was up front talking. Spencer tried to ask what was the matter, but Bridgett just told him that she needed to be alone for a few minutes. He knew she was upset, but he couldn’t tell why, and he couldn’t hold her to make her feel better.

Hotch walks up to Bridgett, handing her the case file. She stands up and walks to the rest of the group, her hands shaking and her heart pumping fast as everyone gives her a questioning look as to why she was about to brief everyone and not JJ.

“Umm, so, we have 4 missing women in Erickson, Texas. Ages 17-20. Makayla Weber, Vanessa Davis, Elizabeth Jensen; all of whom have been found dead. Signs of rape before being choked to death and dumped at random… and my si-“ She pauses, sighing shakily, “My sister… Celeste Mendez was reported missing this morning.”

Everyone’s faces are a mix of shocked, horrified, sympathetic.

“My parents barely reported her missing a few hours ago even though she’s been missing since Monday night. And I didn’t tell you this back at the office, I’m sorry, but I know who the unsub is.”

Hotch raises an eyebrow, Rossi still stone faced.

“How do you know?” Derek asks.

“Garcia, can you search the name Joshua Wolfe please? E at the end of Wolfe.”

“Okay give me a sec… no criminal record, a few speeding tickets over the past few years, but nothing serious.”

“Are there any newspaper articles written about him? From high school?”

“Yes, star football player, quarterback, got The Erickson Tigers to state championship 3 years back to back, multiple offers from different schools for full ride scholarships for football.” Penelope says, listing off all of the “great” things written about him.

“Yeah he was all of those things. But he’s also a pervert. He’s dating my sister. He’s her soccer coach and when Celeste came to visit me 4 months ago she told me that they were seeing each other. I flipped, told her how disgusting it was, that it’s illegal, she didn’t care. She was ‘in love’ with him.”

“How long have they been seeing each other romantically?” Emily questions.

“Since early July, so about 7 months or so. She was 16 at the time. She kept saying that because the age of consent is 16 that it wasn’t illegal, but she doesn’t understand because she’s blinded by what she thinks is love but is just him manipulating her into falling in love with him and thinking he loves her back. It’s all part of his game. He makes you feel special, and good, and then he…”

“What? What does he do?”  JJ asks, giving Bridgett a comforting hand squeeze.

“The thing to know about Joshua is that because he was a star athlete, he of course, got all the girls. He was handsome, athletic, popular, but he didn’t take kindly to being turned down from sex… I would know.”

“What do you mean?” Emily asks, her face reading that she already knew where this was going.

Bridgett looks at everyone’s eyes, all of them knew without her even saying the words. And worse of all, Spencer knew too, and she had to admit to her boyfriend in front of all their friends that one of the worst things that could happen to anyone, happened to her.

“My senior year, everyone was at the homecoming game, and I was a part of the student council. We helped set up concession stands, announced the homecoming court, all that. And when everything was all done and we had cleaned up for the night, my parents weren’t answering the home phone, and I had told my friends that I didn’t need a ride home so I was stuck. But Joshua saw me sitting in the parking lot, and asked if I needed a ride home. Of course I took it because it was Joshua Wolfe, all the girls wanted him, he was a charmer, handsome, had it all. So he drives past my house to this look out of the town, everyone goes there on dates to have sex, and I knew what he was trying to do, but I didn’t want it. He kept trying to kiss me, and stick his hands down my pants. So I got out of the car and tried to walk away, but he pulled a gun on me… told me if I didn’t get back in the car he was going to shoot me. So I got back in. Told me to get undressed and go to the backseat or he would shoot me. So I did. And then he forced himself on me. I told him I didn’t want it, but he didn’t care. He… he raped me. Then he pretended like nothing happened, threw my clothes at me and told me to get dressed. He took me back home. I told my mom what happened… and she had the audacity to tell me, that if I really didn’t want to have sex, I would have fought him off harder. That I should have made him get off me. So I called a friend and she took me to the police station. I talked to the sheriff and he said he didn’t believe me. That if what I was saying was true, that reporting it would be damaging for Joshua’s future career opportunities. I didn’t even get sent to the hospital for a kit. He got away with raping me. It got around at school that I reported him raping me, one of the girls I went to school with, her dad was an officer, so she told everyone. And it wasn’t hard for the rumor to circulate. But then Joshua came up with a story that I was drunk, kept making moves on him, he felt bad because I was crying that nobody would ever have sex with me because I was fat, and had sympathy sex with me. Of course that was the story everyone believed. I was the girl who cried rape and nobody ever let me forget it. I hated him, I have never hated a person as much as I hated him. And it was like he got off on me hating him, seeing me get taunted, and crying about the shit people did to me and said about me. People would follow behind me in the hallways and scream ‘rape’ at me, thinking it was funny. None of the teachers ever did anything about it.”

Bridgett couldn’t even look at them after the story, she couldn’t stand to see the sympathy in their eyes. She didn’t even want to know what Spencer’s face looked like right now. The jet was oddly quiet, everyone processing the last few minutes. Bridgett finally sits down, tears dripping down her cheeks remembering all the shit she went through the last 7 months of high school. JJ gets up out of her seat and hugs her tightly.

“Oh my god, Bridgy… honey I’m so sorry.” She whispers.

“You think he preyed on your sister to get back at you? He ruined your life in high school, maybe he knew how close you and your sister are and it was just another jab at you.” Spencer asks, finally saying something.

“It could be possible, yeah. It wouldn’t surprise me.”

“Did your sister know about the rape?” Rossi asks.

“No. She was 10 at the time and it was never something we talked about in the house because it was my fault.”

“It wasn’t your fault, you know that right?” Derek says quietly, placing his hand on Bridgett’s knee.

“I know that now. But 17 year old me didn’t. I believed my mom. I know Celeste is with him. They probably ran away together or something, I’m just scared that if he is the one that killed the other missing girls, it could happen to Celeste. Has he been at school?”

“Records show he was at work on Tuesday but hasn’t been back since. I have the last known address and am sending it to you now.” Garcia interjects, Bridgett looks up at the computer screen, Penelope had tears in her eyes as well.

Hotch hands everyone the case file before everyone goes off to read up on it. Bridgett stays sitting in the chair she had been, zoned out, not noticing Spencer coming to sit next to her until she felt a tight grip around her body. Bridgett relaxes into him, letting tears flow freely into his chest. They don’t speak to each other, Spencer respecting that she needed to let it out, he holds her head gently, slowly going down her hair to comfort her.

*** The team sets up at the police station, getting all the information they needed from the sheriff, the same sheriff that she reported her assault to years ago and didn’t take her seriously. Bridgett stays back from him, not confident in herself that she wasn’t going to yell at him.

“We’re heading out, checking out Joshua’s house. Reid, stay with Bridgett.” Hotch says. Rossi and Derek leave out of the doors.

“I wanna go.” Bridgett demands, standing up from the chair she was sitting in.

“You know you can’t go. We’ll keep you updated when we know anything.” Hotch replies.

Bridgett slowly walks over to Spencer, he pins the map of the town on the board in front of her. She wraps her arms around his waist, hugging him from behind. His heart breaks because he knew how lost and upset she was, and he really couldn’t do or say anything to help her. He turns around to face her, her eyelids were red and puffy, she looked exhausted. Spencer cups her cheeks in his hands, kissing her forehead twice, he didn’t care if the rest of the local police saw.

“I’m glad you talked about what happened. Probably not the setting you wanted to talk about it, but still glad. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, sweetheart.” Spencer speaks softly.

“I’ve wanted to tell you, but it’s so hard for me to talk about. That was the first time I ever got through it without crying a lot.”

“It’s okay. It’s hard talking about traumatic experiences. Have you ever talked to anyone about it?”

“A shrink? No. I probably should but I don’t know, it’s nerve racking.”

“Bridge, your parents are here.” JJ says, stepping into the room.

Spencer let’s go of Bridgett’s face, letting her walk out of the room into the hallway. “I wanna go in there.”

“Are you sure?” JJ asks.

“Yes I’m sure. They’re not going to talk to anyone else. They don’t like cops. I have a better shot at getting them to say anything.”

JJ sighs, finally nodding her head. “If you need to step out, we’ll be in the next room. Don’t let them get to you.”

Bridgett nods her head, walking to the interrogation room door, stopping before grabbing the door handle. She takes deep breaths, wiping her face with her hands to try and look less of a mess. She counts to 10 slowly before walking into the room.

“Mom. Dad.”

They both look up at Bridgett, her dad staying stoned face while her mom’s face softened.

“Hi mija.”

Here we go.

Bridgett sits down across from them with a sigh, opening her case file and pulling the missing persons report out of the folder, sliding it across to them.

“Why would you wait 4 days after your daughter is missing to report it? She never came home from school Monday and you didn’t think it was the slightest bit weird?”

“No. The past few months it’s been happening.  Her leaving and not coming back for a few days. It’s mostly her leaving Friday morning and not coming back home until Monday night after school. But we called her on Wednesday and she didn’t answer her phone. She had a game Tuesday and she wasn’t there.” Her mom explains.

“She never missed a game.” Bridgett mutters. “And do you know who she was leaving with on weekends?”

“You’re the one that talks to her all the time, you don’t know?” Her dad snaps, hitting his palm on the table.

Bridgett stares him down, “Do you know every single detail about all of your kids? I bet you couldn’t name us in birth order. In fact, you couldn’t even tell me the color of my eyes. I’m there for Celeste since you guys clearly aren’t.”

“Bridgett.” Her mom saying her name in a warning tone. “You still need to respect your father.”

Bridgett laughs, “I need to respect him? He doesn’t know the meaning of the word respect! Look how he treats you! And the way he’s been treating you the past 24 almost 25 years!” Her voice raised in volume quickly, her voice ringing through the room. “Let me tell the ‘Parents of the Year’ something, she’s been having a sexual relationship with Joshua Wolfe, her high school soccer coach. She told me about it when she came to Virginia a few months back.”

Her dad gets up from the chair, making it fall to the floor and walking out of the room. Bridgett turns back toward the mirror, motioning for someone to go get him. She sees two of the local police follow after him as Emily walks in, sitting down next to Bridgett.

“Why does that name sound familiar? Joshua?” Her mom questions.

“Really? You don’t remember that this man raped me and you told me that it was basically my fault! You victim blamed me! And then the people you’re supposed to go to for help tell me that I’m going to damage his career if I cry rape! Nobody believed me and I had to emotionally and mentally live with the fact that I never got any help for my sexual assault! I warned everyone about this asshole and nobody believed me! And now my sister, my whole life, is missing and he needs to be suspect number one! I don’t give a fuck if he was a football star and a good kid, I know he has Celeste and you couldn’t even pay attention for 5 goddamn seconds to know something in your own child’s life!” Her eyes were cloudy with tears, her voice breaking and hoarse.

Emily stands up, trying to pull her out of the room. “Bridgett, you need to walk away.”

“Oh this shit again? He wouldn’t do something like that, Joshua is a respected person. It was so long ago.”

“And I’m still traumatized! Maybe if you paid an ounce of attention to your kids, one wouldn’t be missing and the other wouldn’t live states away to get away from you!” She yells, walking out of the room.

Spencer meets her in the hallway, enveloping her in a hug. He shushes her, stroking her hair. “Come here. It’s okay, you did good.”

“That’s the reason I left. That’s why Celeste was planning on leaving after graduation. I shouldn’t have ever left her.”

“It's going to be okay. We’re going to find her.”

“I’m taking her back to Virginia. She’s not staying here anymore.”

“Guys, we gotta go,  they found Joshua.”

***

Bridgett automatically recognized the white vintage pickup truck parked in the driveway, the same one he had that night. Rossi, Hotch, and Derek were waiting across the street at the other house, a few other police cars parked in the street. Everyone hops out of the car, walking over to the other half of the team.

“He’s in there. We don’t know if Celeste is in there for sure. He’s saying she is but he won’t come out. Rossi’s trying to talk to him, coax him out.” Derek explains.

“He wants Bridgett.” Rossi says, moving the phone away from his mouth.

“No.” Spencer says from behind her.

“What do you mean no? I’m going in there.” Bridgett says, checking her vest and gun to make sure everything was in order.

“I agree with Reid, it’s too risky. Especially with how emotionally impulsive you can be.” Hotch replies.

“Bridgett might have the best shot of getting him to tell us where Celeste is. One of us will follow behind you and stay by the door outside, and we’ll be listening in.” Derek says.

Bridgett looks around at the rest of the team, waiting for the okay from Hotch, even though everyone already knew that Bridgett was going to do what she wanted.

“Morgan, stay with her, but fall back just enough where you won’t be seen. We don’t know what’s going to set him off. Bridgett, say the word and we’ll move in.”

“Got it.” She says, walking up to the house with her gun drawn out in front of her. Once she gets to the door she knocks on it, seeing Derek duck out behind an overgrown bush off to the side of her. The door opens, Joshua standing behind the screen door. He still looked the same as he did in high school, a 5 o’clock shadow on his face.

“I knew you would come running to be your sister’s savior. Look at you, filled out since the last time I saw you.”

Bridgett looked at him in disgust. “Where’s Celeste?”

“Why don’t you come inside and find out?” He asks, opening the screen door. She follows behind him, keeping her distance. Bridgett looks around the house, everything was neat and tidy, not a pillow, picture, or knickknack out of place.

“You need to answer my question. Where is she?”

Joshua sits in a chair, his arms laying flat on the arm rests.

“How much is it killing you inside to know what your sister and I do? That I had both you and her. And at the same age.”

Bridgett draws her gun on him, walks toward him slowly, “Where. Is. She? You have 15 seconds before I shoot you right in the middle of your goddamn forehead. Tell me where she is Joshua!”

“Well if you shoot me how are you going to find out where she is? Sit, talk to me a while. Let’s catch up.” Not so much as a blink coming from him when Bridgett drew the gun on him.  

Bridgett rounds the corner of the couch, sitting across from him, gun still drawn on him. “You want to sit and chat? Let’s sit and chat, Joshua.” She spits, narrowing her eyes at him.

“She loved me. Loved all of me.”

“Mother fucker. Where is she? I’ll fucking kill you myself!”

“Got both the sisters on my scorecard.”

“Fuck you! Your piece of shit. Where the fuck is she? You don’t get it. My team has my back, just like all the boys on the team did after you assaulted me. They’ll vouch that you pulled a weapon on me, I’ll shoot you, clean shot. I’m the best shooter on this team, I don’t miss. Tell me where she is!”

The door opens behind her, the team flooding in, all of their guns drawn on him.

“Drop the bull shit, Joshua. Tell us where you have Celeste.” Derek yells, stopping next to Bridgett.

“Celeste found out about the other girls. She realized that she wasn’t the only one in my life, figured out what I had done to them. She threatened to call her big bad big sister, and I knew what I had to do.”

Bridgett drops her gun, her patience officially running out and charging him, kicking his legs from under him, his whole body hitting the floor with a thud. Bridgett climbs on top of him, wrapping her hands around his throat.

“Tell me where she is!”

“44th and McLeary. The Stephenson's old house.” He chokes out, his whole face cherry red. Bridgett holds her hands against him for a few more seconds, watching him struggle for air. Derek picks her up off of Joshua, handing her off to Spencer.

“Cuff him. I’m going.” Bridgett runs out of the house to the car, jumping in the driver seat. She sees Spencer slide in next to her in the passenger seat. The back doors open, Rossi and Hotch in the backseats waiting for her to floor it.

*** Bridgett presses on the brake pedal firmly, the whole SUV stopping suddenly. She puts it in park, not taking the keys out but jumping out. Hotch and Spencer block her path, stopping her in the middle of the driveway, both of them holding her back.

“Wait here. Do not let her in yet. We need to clear the house.” Rossi says, Hotch following behind him with their guns drawn. Bridgett watches them walk into the house. Spencer holds her against his chest, trying to get her to relax.

“I wanted to kill him. I looked in his eyes when I was choking him… and if Derek would have let me, I would have killed him.”

“Trust me, you’re not going to have to worry about him again. He’s not going to hurt you or your sister anymore.”

“We found her…” Rossi’s voice rings in their ear pieces.

“Celeste! I’m coming.”  Bridgett runs into the house, her heart beating fast, a new wave of adrenaline coursing through her body. She goes to the back of the house and sees both men standing in the hallway.

“Bridge wait, she’s not… she’s gone”  Rossi says, holding her arms. “You don’t want to see her like this. You don’t want that to be the last memory you have of her.”

Tears instantly started flowing down her cheeks, her whole body going numb. She gripped onto Rossi’s arms, collapsing against him. Bridgett sobs into his shoulder. He whispers ‘I’m sorry’ into her ear over and over again, trying to hold her up.

“No, I need to see her. I need to see if it’s her.” She cries.

Rossi looks at Hotch, waiting for his approval. Once he nods his head Rossi let’s her go. Bridgett walks forward, staring at her sister lying lifeless on the floor.

Celeste was left in just a tank top and underwear, her tan skin was now pale, her lips dry and a hint of blue on them. Her cheekbone had a purple bruise on it, one long bruise around her neck as well, dried blood under her nostril. There was a pool of dried blood surrounding her body. She drops to the floor next to her, moving her hair out of her face. Holding Celeste’s hand, crying over her body.

“No! Oh my god no. Celeste, baby come on, wake up. You can’t go. Call a medic, she needs help.” Bridgett calls out behind her, frantically looking to the three men behind her. Spencer drops down next to her, rubbing her back in comfort.

“Bridge, she’s gone.”

“No! Not my baby. Not my sister. I’m so sorry, Celeste. I’m so sorry. Baby I’m so sorry. Please. Please come back, Celly, please.”

Bridgett falls into Spencer's chest, clinging to his button up shirt and screaming in agony. Bridgett kept repeating Celeste’s name, screaming for her to come back. Spencer held Bridgett like you would hold a child, trying to keep her head against his chest and trying to shield her eyes from Celeste.

A few minutes passed, the rest of the team arriving at the empty house and heading to the back, Bridgett still inconsolable in Spencer’s arms.

“Bridge, Bridgett, honey your parents will be here any minute, we gotta get you up” Emily says, bending down to be eye level with Bridgett. Bridgett shakes her head, the rest of her body shaking against Spencer as she tries to catch her breath.

“I know you don’t want to be here when they come to see Celeste. We’ll just go to the backyard, get you calm, cleaned up, and then we’ll head over to the station.”

“Come on, babe, let’s get up.” Spencer says softly, looking down at her.

“Don’t leave me. Please?”

Spencer wipes the tears from her face, kissing her cheek. “I’m not going to leave you. I’m right here.”

Bridgett finally sits up, Emily helping Bridgett to her feet, giving her a big hug. Once she looks around the room she sees the team standing back in the hallway, their faces reading sympathetic. Bridgett clings onto Spencer’s arm as they walk toward the back of the house to the sliding doors to the backyard. Bridgett sits on a tree stump off to the side of the yard, Spencer sitting right behind her. She couldn’t form thoughts, focus on anything around her, stop crying, it was like she wasn’t in control of her body or mind.

“Bridgett?” Spencer calls her name, shaking her shoulder softly.

“Hmm?”

“Emily asked if you wanted anything to drink.”

Bridgett looks up at Emily standing above her. Trying to figure out if she had been standing there the whole time.

“Just water, please.” Her voice was frail and hoarse from all the screaming.

Emily nods her head, walking back inside the house. Spencer hugs her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. Bridgett rests her arms on top of his, stroking his knuckles absentmindedly. Spencer wanted to say something, but it needed to be better than just “I’m sorry.”

A few minutes later a piercing scream travels through the house and out of the back door to where Spencer and Bridgett were sitting. Bridgett picks her head up and looks through the window into the house, seeing her dad make his way out of the hallway and dropping to his knees. Both of them could hear her mother’s gut wrenching screams come from inside. As much as Bridgett hated her parents, they shouldn’t have to bury their child. No parent should.

“Hey, let’s go to the car.” Spencer says, trying to distract her.

“No. I wanna be here when the coroner picks her up.”

“Why don’t we go to the front yard, we can wait in the car, in the air conditioning, and you can see when they get here? I don’t want you to pass out from being in the sun and crying. Not to mention you haven’t eaten since before we left Quantico.”

Bridgett agrees after a few seconds, shakily standing up and walking with Spencer to the front of the house, sitting in the passenger seat next to Spencer, the cool air blasting against her warm face. Spencer handed her a granola bar, Bridgett rejecting, there was no way she could stomach food right now.

“Bridgett, I know you’re upset, and your world just stopped, but that doesn’t mean you can stop taking care of yourself. You need something in your system.” Spencer says, opening the wrapper for her and handing it back. Bridgett takes it, breaking it in half and taking a bite.

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be difficult, I just don’t know how to process this right now.”

“You’re not being difficult. You’re mourning. I want you to know you’re not going through this alone though. Okay? I’m right here, baby.”

“I know, thank you for being here, Spence.” Bridgett whispers, touching her hand to his face.

They sit in the car in silence, watching police walk in and out of the old worn down house. Finally the coroner’s van pulls up, a man and a woman stepping out. Bridgett steps out of the SUV, watching them take the gurney out of the back of their van. Spencer comes up next to her, holding her close to him. It felt like forever before they came back out wheeling her sister’s body in the white sheet, out of the house. Bridgett’s tears start back up once again watching Celeste be removed from the last place she was alive. Her parents followed after, they were holding each other and crying, her father and Hotch on both sides of her mom escorting her out of the house.  

“Once we get back to the morgue you’ll be able to come in and identify the body. Your parents said that you’d be the one to identify her.” The man says in passing to Bridgett.

“We still have to identify her even though we know it’s her?”

“For our records, yes. We need a signature that you identified her. I am very sorry for your loss, ma’am.”

“Thank you.” She says quietly.

“Come on, I’ll drive.” Spencer says from behind her, enveloping her in a tight hug.

***

It had been hours since they found Celeste. Bridgett had to identify the body at the morgue, which mentally drained her even more. She couldn’t believe that her sister was gone, it didn’t feel real even after seeing her on the table with the blue sheet covering her.  

Spencer opens the door to her hotel room, letting her walk in first. Bridgett slowly shuffles in, stopping in the middle of the room, staring at the floor. She feels Spencer’s hand on her shoulder.

“Bridgett, you should lie down. It’s been a long night.”

She shakes her head, not moving her body from its place. “Why is this happening? Why her? Why did he do this?” Tears start to flood her already sore eyes, her heart feeling empty. Her hands fly to eyes, pressing her palms against her eyes to prevent more tears from falling.

“I know there’s nothing I can say or do to make this feel better, but I am so sorry, Bridge.” Spencer towers over her, hugging her tightly. Bridgett breaks down into his arms for the 10th time that day. Her whole body convulses against him, violent sobs coming deep from her chest. Spencer rocks her back and forth, letting her get everything out.

“I-I should hav-ha-ve never left her. I should have stayed h-home until she was done with school. That way I could have protected her.”

“Don’t do that to yourself. It’s not your fault. None of this is. Hey, look at me, baby.”

Bridgett lifts her head, Spencer taking his thumb and swiping it across her tears.

“I’m not going back to Virginia until you go back.”

“Why? No Spence, the team needs you.”

“They’ll be fine. You need me more. I told Hotch about us and that I want to be here with you to help you through the planning process and everything after. I don’t want to leave you alone and have you deal with your parents alone.”

Bridgett sniffles, trying to compose herself. “You told them about us? Why now?”

“I dunno. I figured it’s time. Especially since I’ve been by your side the entire day. Is it a problem that I told them?”

“No. Not at all. It’s actually one last thing for me to worry about whenever we do go back home. Thank you for wanting to be here with me.”

“I’m always going to be here for you, Bridge. I always have you.”