#i started typing like 'shes just a self-centered pathetic mess of a woman who's never cared about me as an individual'

[orcelito]

You know those posts that have u nearly getting super vitriolic in the tags & u have to dial it back a bit like "no, no one wants to read about your mommy issues. Chill it."

[bcbdrums]

Purification

All right.  @cocoa-at-night was mad at me, and I know others will be... So this is in fact a second sequel to "Torment.”  I already had this idea in my head as a possible sequel so... Who says I can’t write two!  Therefore, readers, you get two options now.  Decide which way you prefer the story to end. 

To be very clear, this is a different sequel than “Immolation” and follows a different path to a different ending.  It begins the same however.  Please enjoy “Purification.”

FFn     AO3

---------

Purification

Shego ran the dampened washcloth over the smooth, polished surface of the bar and stared at the grains of wood beneath. She nearly had them memorized, for how many times she'd run the cloth over them to wipe away the condensation left by the rims of drinking glasses. She always tried to find vague shapes in their patterns; faces and objects and sometimes familiar ocean waves. She didn't have anything else to do with her days, after all.

The small wall-mounted television in the corner continued to play news from the local channel, and after three years she could finally understand the Spanish of the broadcast. She'd picked up the local slang faster by necessity, since she couldn't use her powers to protect herself from the type of crowd the bar attracted. It was ironic, for its nearness to the Caribbean, but the slums of El Salvador had been the perfect place to hide. She easily translated the broadcast into the more comfortable English:

"...And here is Dr. Drakken only days ago, unveiling his latest innovation at the world's largest scientific conference in Berlin..." the voice from the TV cut through the minimal noise at the late hour in the bar.

A soft smile came to Shego's face. And then suddenly her vision was filled with the large form of a dark-skinned man wearing a t-shirt that had seen too many years, and with a face that hadn't seen a razor in weeks.

"Venga, chica. Bailar conmigo."

Shego stepped back from the strong scent of alcohol and scowled at the man, a regular at the establishment, but one who never quite took the hint. Especially not when he had had too many.

"Raquel?" came the accented voice of Esteban, her boss and the owner of the place, from across the room where he was wiping down tables and stacking chairs for closing.

She leaned around the offensive man to merely smirk at her boss knowingly in return. He grimaced slightly, no doubt wondering how much of a mess there would be to clean after she was finished with the brute.

Truthfully, she didn't always reject the men who asked her to dance. Whenever she'd had a few shots it was easier to say yes, and she enjoyed closing her eyes and moving to the rhythm of the music, and imagining herself in a different place. But it would always end the moment any of them tried to lay a hand on her...

She couldn't cross that line. There was only one set of hands she ever wanted to touch her, and they never would. Allowing herself to indulge once and pretend with anyone else would open the gate to far worse sins than her most definitely out of control drinking, and she didn't want to deal with the ramifications of heading down that path.

She still wasn't sure when she'd fallen in love with Drakken. She'd certainly been in love with him before she left, but she'd only realized the fact while in her self-imposed exile, when all she could think about was him.

Numerous magazines and newspapers were delivered to the tiny room she rented above the bar, but not of the variety she'd used to get. Now it was all science periodicals, and world news... And her wall was adorned with newspaper cutouts with his familiar, confident grin. The only reason she watched the news at all was for word of him.

She was pathetic.

Her 'clean break' as she'd hoped to make it seemed to have worked for him. He was finding the success she knew he would as soon as she was out of the picture, no longer holding him back. She knew that would have been the result had she stayed, making him question his sudden yearning for 'good.' Less for good, she knew of course, and more for the recognition and honor his genius rightly deserved. She wouldn't have said that years ago, but with the new understanding she had of her feelings...

She couldn't have stayed. He would have denied himself for her. And she refused to let herself think it was because his feelings were deeper too. No, that wasn't possible. It had been made abundantly clear to her over their four years as partners in crime that he simply didn't think of her that way. She was little more than an asset and a comfort; a listening ear for his endless dronings and rantings, easily replaced.

So she had left a note on her pillow one day after painfully listening to him describe the amazing job offers he had received, and simply vanished. She knew he would come looking for her, as he always did because 'he needed her,' so she had made herself impossible to find. She'd not hardly used her powers in three years, and she'd managed to convinced the locals in the high-poverty, high-crime rate slums she'd hidden in that her skin color was due to something between genetics and illness.

'Shego' was gone.

Now she was Raquel, the barmaid who drank too much, wouldn't let anyone get close, and who had a strange obsession with science magazines. Esteban and others had tried to get her to talk about herself, or her apparent science interest for awhile, but they'd finally taken the hint that she was out there in the middle of nowhere, at one of the only respectable establishments in those slums, to make sure know one ever knew her story.

Shego waited until Esteban wasn't looking, and then she lifted her hand above the leering man's head as his greasy fingers reached across the bar for her, and she let him have just enough of a pressure blast from her glow to knock him out. When the man's large, dead-weight hit the floor, her boss turned with a start.

"Ai ai ai, Raquel! Someday I will see how you accomplish that."

Shego merely smirked as her eyes shifted back to the television. It was a simple, lonely life... One that she might leave someday to pursue other interests. 'Shego' as the world had known her could probably never return, after her world-saving ventures with Drakken. She wouldn't want to put his career at risk in any way. But living from day to day and drink to drink, with only her periodicals and the TV to briefly soothe the ache in her heart wasn't plausible. She needed to move on.

The reason she hadn't was for the lack of one thing in every photo, article, and broadcast about the blue former villain who had saved the world: he was always alone. Even the candids taken by paparazzi that she would find in the trash magazines she had specially delivered only ever showed him having breakfast alone at a sidewalk cafe, or seated alone in an audience as he waited to accept an award.

Why hadn't he met someone and settled down already?

That was the last piece... That was what was missing. When Drakken finally had a woman on his arm, and his happiness was complete...then she could risk moving out into the world and being seen again. If he had someone else, he most definitely wouldn't need her. And she wouldn't have to face up to the fact of possibly seeing him again, with the feelings she'd been harboring for too many years that simply refused to die.

"...It has been confirmed to have been a suicide attempt now, as a note was leaked to the press by a source who wishes to remain anonymous from within Japanese Intelligence..."

Shego's attention snapped to the television, where now a years-old photograph of Drakken at the UN, wearing his medal, was displayed in the corner of the screen as the Spanish news anchor continued to read the copy.

"The note was addressed to fellow-hero Kim Possible, and the text reads: 'I can't figure out what I did wrong. I can't live without her anymore. I'm sorry.' The note was not signed, but handwriting analysis easily showed it to be in the script of Dr. Drakken."

Shego felt the world spinning around her as her vision seemed to spin in the opposite direction. Her head swam and ached all at once, and she could see bright spots dancing in front of her eyes even as her view darkened. She stumbled forward to lean against the bar as she struggled to listen to the television.

"And the world remains in shock, one week from the date the acclaimed scientist attempted to take his life by jumping from the roof of the Osaka World Trade Center. We will keep you updated with more details as the story continues to unfold. This is Paola Ramos, reporting."

Suicide attempt? Drakken, of all people? It didn’t make sense... He had everything...everything he had ever dreamed of, and more. She had made sure of it by removing herself from his life so he would have nothing holding him back. How could he have attempted suicide?

"Raquel! ¿Qué pasa?"

She peered upward and let Esteban take her hand and help her straighten up from where she had all but slumped over the bar.

"Phone..." she managed to get out, her throat strangely tight. “I need...I need to know...”

“You need to make a phone call?” he asked.

Shego nodded. As Esteban fumbled in his pockets for his cell phone, Shego thought about what had been reported as the contents of the suicide note.

"I can't live without her anymore," it had read.

He couldn't... He didn't... He wouldn't...mean me?

Shego felt like she might throw up, and as Esteban offered her the phone, she moved past him and all but fell onto one of the bar stools, suddenly feeling like her feet would fail her. She began dialing a long-memorized number, then realized as the phone rang that she didn't know if the number would be the same after so long, but that thought was broken by Esteban stepping into her vision.

"Are you calling 911? What is wrong?" he asked, his dark eyes wide and worried as he studied her. But then, the phone connected.

"Hello?" the familiar voice said through the line.

Shego suddenly realized she had only ever called the girl 'Princess' or 'Pumpkin' or 'Kimmie,' and wasn't sure how to address the now young woman and for a brief time, ally.

"Kim..." she finally settled on, the name leaving her throat hoarsely.

"Yes? Who is...?" A familiar gasp sounded through the phone. "Shego?"

"Drakken..." was her one-word answer as suddenly tears began filling her eyes. "Drakken's note."

"Where have you been!? Where are you? We looked for you for over a year!"

"Did that note... Was it real? What I saw on TV, did he really...try to kill himself?” she asked, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand before digging her fingers tightly into her side as her hands started to shake. When had she started crying?

“Yes... He did.”

Shego’s throat tightened. “Have you...seen him, or talked to him?”

“Yeah, right after it happened, but...he doesn’t want to see anyone. He’s angry and embarrassed that it didn’t work. Shego—”

“Did he, I mean...how is he? Is he okay? How did he survive?”

“His vines. Their own sense of self-preservation must have kicked in, and they grabbed onto the building partway down. He’s in the hospital.”

Shego realized tears were streaming down her cheeks, and her hands were shaking so much it was hard to hold the phone. She closed it hard as she let her hands fall to the bar, and then she leaned forward again.

“Raquel! Mi lucecita, what is wrong?”

Shego took a breath and gathered her strength to push away, even as her vision swam. She left the phone on the bar, knowing exactly what would happen, and then reached across the smooth wooden surface for a bottle of tequila. She ignored Esteban's words as she numbly made her way to her room, climbing the stairs and pushing through the door to stumble against the bed, the bottle of alcohol falling from her grasp. She spun around, and after shoving the door closed she fell back to sit on her narrow, uncomfortable mattress as she fumbled with the lid of the tequila bottle.

She looked around at her walls, with their newspaper clippings and magazine cutouts of photos and articles about Drakken's successes. Tears fell from her eyes anew as she brought the bottle to her lips and soon felt her throat burn nearly as badly as her eyes. And the words of Drakken's note played through her mind repeatedly, her every thought and excuse for the past three years dissolving into torment.

-------------------------

The next morning a pulsing, booming sound caused her to wake, and as she sat up hurriedly with hands alight, the vision of red, purple, yellow, and black that swam before her eyes brought back to mind what she had drunk the bottle of tequila to forget. She let her glow die as she fell back on the bed and hid her face from the light with a pillow.

“Shego!” the astonished voice of Kim Possible resonated against her skull. She regretted the hangover, but she couldn’t have handled her thoughts the night before. Tequila had been the only choice.

“Are you all right? You don’t look so good,” the side-kick’s voice followed just as loud with concern.

“You’ve lost so much weight!” Kim continued.

“Yeah, what about it?” Shego said into the pillow, even her own voice painful to her ears.

“Is this where you’ve been all these years?”

“What have you been doing?”

Shego grit her teeth and ignored the questions of her former enemies-turned-allies after Drakken saved the world, finally moving the pillow to narrow her eyes at them.

“Will you take me to see Drakken, or not?” she asked bluntly.

The brows of both young adults rose, and they looked at each other.

“That’s the only reason I let you find me. Cell phone trace, right?” Shego said, grimacing against the throbbing in her head as she rolled over and got her feet on the floor.

“Yeah... It only took Wade—”

“Will you take me to see Drakken?”

“Yeah... I guess, sure. We can do that.”

“Good. Wait downstairs, I need to shower,” she said.

The two young heroes didn’t move, and Shego realized they were studying her walls with the photos and newspaper clippings of Drakken. But she was under too much stress already to worry about what two college kids thought of her. As she painfully stood, her eyes lighted upon a figure hovering in the doorway. Esteban was hanging back in the shadows, watching the interplay nervously.

Kim and Ron were still staring at the walls, and Shego first beckoned her employer into the room before frowning and sighing dramatically at the other two. They both looked at her.

“Haven’t you already read a lot of this stuff? Hurry up, I want to get to Japan before tomorrow.”

The pair gave her another once-over before glancing at each other and finally slipping through the door, giving an even more confused look at the curly-haired Latino who had been welcomed in. They closed the door behind the darker-skinned man as he looked curiously at the adorned walls which Shego had called home for three years. Finally, he sighed.

“You are going to him, then? This man, from the news report.”

Shego nodded, grateful for her boss’s softer tone.

“Yes,” she said.

“He is the reason you came here?”

She nodded again, sitting on the bed as her head pounded.

“...Why did you run from him?”

Shego’s brows knit together, but after all that Esteban had done for her over the years, she supposed it wouldn’t matter to give away a little more. Especially since she would never be seeing him again.

“I thought I was doing what was best for him,” she said with a shrug.

“But surely, if you were in love...? Was there some problem?”

Shego looked up, her brow twisting further in confusion.

“What... You think...he was in love with me too?” Her head was reeling again. That couldn’t have been what his note was about...could it? He had never showed any sign of having those types of feelings for her...

‘You never showed any of your feelings to him.’

She grimaced at that thought. And she wondered with a sickening feeling...had it really been necessary? All she’d done for three years was wallow in her own misery and loneliness and think of nothing but him. What if she had just...taken the risk?

“If the note on the news was real, then it would seem so,” Esteban had replied as she’d been thinking. She looked up again.

“Then I... I... I have to go.”

She stood again to get some fresh clothes and then paused, looking back at the suddenly long face of her boss.

“I hope you can find him. He will recover under your smile.”

Impulsively, Shego closed the distance between them and threw her arms around her boss’s neck. She felt his large palms hesitantly rest on her back.

“Thank you, Esteban...”

“Goodbye, Raquel.”

---------------------------

Shego raked her fingers through the ends of her hair for what must have been the tenth time just walking down the hall. As she found the correct door number she pushed her hair back over her shoulder, and then tugged down the simple green blouse and black jacket she wore. Possible had been right before... The garments weren’t fitting her as they should, but that was a concern for another day. She took a shallow breath and with a trembling hand, pushed the door inward.

The hospital room was dim and silent but for the beeping of monitors. On the bed, a familiar blue face lay atop a pillow, bandaged, like much of the rest of his body that could be seen. One forearm and foot were in casts, and his other arm was bandaged with the slightest of bloodstains showing through, like the one on the side of his face. She held her breath as she stepped in silently, as if walking into a dream. But he heard her.

The corners of his lips turned down before his eyes opened to slits, but then widened slightly upon seeing her. She hesitated only a moment before continuing her slow approach. She could see now the one side of his face was swollen, and his lower lip was split and bruised. She tried not to picture him falling from the top of a skyscraper, smashing against its sides on the way down only to be inexplicably rescued by his own mutation. Instead she fixated on his eyes that were bleary, shocked, and disbelieving.

“Shego?” he croaked out.

She fought the tears that tried to come to her eyes. “Yes. I... I’m here,” she managed, her throat tight.

He seemed to be studying her as she sat down on the edge of his bed, afraid her legs wouldn’t hold her and also needing to be nearer. The thought that he could have...that he very nearly died, and she didn’t even know...

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Her lips parted as she stared at his expression that was quickly becoming anxious, despite the haze in his eyes she was sure was in part due to the heavy painkillers that were doubtless coming through his IV line.

“What...?” she breathed.

“Whatever...I did...to make you leave...” Drakken said quietly, each word coming out labored through his dry throat. “I’m sorry. Please...forgive me.”

Shego didn’t bother trying to stop her tears anymore. She took a slow breath to try to calm the ache in her chest as she tore her eyes from his, instead looking at his hand lying on the bed, his knuckles bruised and scraped. She hesitated, but then gently held his hand in both of hers. His skin was clammy and cold, and she noted for the first time the too-slow beeping of the heart monitor.

“You...you didn’t do anything wrong,” she said, looking back at him. His confused and now fearful expression was a blur through her tears. “I did.”

“...What?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she repeated with more strength, recalling the words of his note. “I did. It was just me. I...I’m so sorry, Dr. D.”

Her voice rose on the last as her throat tightened, and she closed her eyes tightly as hot tears slid down her cheeks. She tried to keep her cries quiet, and some time later her attention was drawn back by his hand shifting in hers. She looked up at him, her eyes pleading. He looked a bit more focused, and a familiar, analytical expression had joined the caution and confusion on his face.

“I don’t understand,” he finally said. His fingers curled around hers and held on firmly.

Her heart thudded against her ribs, and she let her gaze fall to her lap. She had already broken her promise to herself, to never see him again... But clearly, that had been a mistake from the beginning. If she was honest...then at least she would know, there was nothing else she could have done. And yet, the most important words she could say to him still died on her lips.

“I didn’t want to hold you back,” she said, staring down at their joined hands. She was careful not to hold too tight for his bruised knuckles. A long moment of silence passed before he spoke again.

“What...? But... Shego...”

“I didn’t want to be part of...this world,” she said, lifting one hand briefly to gesture weakly at the opulence of the hospital room. Not exactly what she meant, but she hoped the point would get across. “But I know you, Dr. D.... You...you wouldn’t have taken any of the jobs, without me. I just...wanted you to be happy. And I didn’t want any of this...”

There was another silence, broken only by her sniffling as she gradually brought her tears under control. She heard Drakken take a long breath in through his nose and then release it just as slowly.

“Thank you for visiting me...”

Shego turned abruptly, her tears stilling with a silent gasp. Drakken’s eyes were on their joined hands, and he looked sad.

“You look...” he began, glancing up at her briefly before his gaze fell again. “Hm. Where will— That is...”

He trailed off, glancing away toward the curtained window in the room with a slight grimace. Shego tried to follow his train of thought.

“I don’t...have to leave right away,” she ventured carefully. He looked back at her, his expression guarded. “We could...catch up for a while? If...if you...”

She broke off as tears threatened her eyes anew. Who was she kidding? His note had been clear...

‘I can’t live without her anymore.’

“If you...don’t mind having me around, I could stay...longer.” She set her hand back atop his, minding the scrapes on his knuckles. The pressure of his fingers against her palm hadn’t diminished.

Drakken’s swollen lips parted, his dark eyes seeming to glitter even brighter for the mottled bruising on his face. And then, a shadow came over his features.

“No, that’s...that’s all right. You can go back to...your life.”

Shego held her breath. She thought about telling him she knew about the note, but...what if that only made things worse? Then he would be embarrassed, and he had already...apparently given up on living. What would that new revelation do to him?

His words were also unknowingly meaningless, she realized, as because for the past three years she...had had no life. Only worrying and pining over him, waiting for the day he married so she would know he didn’t need her anymore, and then and only then could she come out of hiding. But she had left El Salvador behind fully when she had come to Japan. The bar was already out of her mind. All she wanted, and what she really needed, was...

She took a breath. “Drakken...”

When she met his eyes they were sad. She looked down again.

“I...I also left because...because I’m in love with you. But I knew...you didn’t feel the same. I knew you could find someone to replace me and...really fulfill you, and it seemed like...the best way I could give you everything you wanted...was to be out of the picture.”

She sniffled, bringing one hand up to wipe her eyes and nose before straightening up from the tense hunch she’d found herself in and then leaning back on her hand, the other still firmly gripping his. She didn’t want to hear his confirmation, but she needed to. Knowing that her feelings weren’t reciprocated would mean it was all worth it. Even though it didn’t explain his years of solitude...or the note. She didn’t want it to be about her. She couldn’t be the reason that he’d nearly—

“Everything I wanted? Shego...”

She cast a cautious eye on him, and he looked a mixture of confused, hurt, but somehow resolved. His hand suddenly left hers, and her throat constricted with the sudden loss. And then she was gasping in worry as Drakken started trying to push himself up.

“All I’ve ever wanted—” He stopped short with a hiss of pain, shaking as he paused halfway up.

“Dr. D....”

“...Is you.”

Her breath caught, and they stared at each other eye to eye. Drakken’s expression was steady but fearful, and her own she knew reflected utter shock. She was so startled she hadn’t even realized she’d spoken a response until he answered her.

“The note was about me...”

Drakken let out a soft, almost exasperated puff of air and lightly shook his head.

“What did I do to...make you think I didn’t love you?”

Shego blinked rapidly as tears filled her eyes.

“Oh, Dr. D.!”

Her arms were flung around him as her lips gently pressed against his, minding the cut and swelling. His least injured arm raised to wrap around her, but without the support his frame shook and he began to fall. Shego guided him down, never breaking the intimate contact. Her tears fell on his face as she cried through the kiss, but his hand pressing into her back strengthened her. She let her fingers move through his hair, ever so softly touching the swollen parts of his scalp as their lips barely moved. She was careful to keep her full weight off of him, but the warmth of their chests together was like a salve, beginning to mend the wounds in her heart.

When they finally parted and she opened her eyes, she found his just as wet.

“Shego...” he whispered hoarsely, and she heard a catch in his throat. “Don’t leave me.”

She held him tighter. “Don’t let me go.”

--------------------------

One month later, Shego was grinning happily as she pressed her face further into Drakken’s neck where they sat together on the sofa in his new apartment. She sighed contently as she snuggled closer into his left side, her arms around his neck and her legs folded and halfway over his lap.

“Shego...” Drakken whispered, “this isn’t exactly...it’s not...”

“Mmmh, let everyone see how much I love you...” she murmured, turning to face the camera placed in front of them, the magazine photographer looking at them quizzically as she offered something between a smile and smirk. The interviewer stood close by, equally ill at ease, but Shego didn’t care.

She positioned her hand on Drakken’s shoulder so the diamond of her engagement ring sparkled in the light. Her heart warmed when his healed left hand reached up to hold hers, and she laced the fingers of her right hand through his, setting her left on top again to show off the ring. She tilted her chin up toward him and was rewarded with his radiant smile.

“I love you...” she said softly, “and I want to spend the rest of my life telling you.”

“I love you, Shego,” he breathed.

Their lips met in a gentle, ardent kiss. Beyond them, after a long minute, the camera flashed.

[skinks]

I see your “fake/pretend dating” scenarios and I ask instead of you: “we’re secretly together and desperately trying to hide it” scenarios

Richie and Eddie finally get their shit together a week before Bev and Ben’s wedding, and after a whole lot of arguing and contingency plans and naked, sweaty discussion, they decide that if they don’t wanna steal that hetero thunder, they have to try their hardest to act like they’re not a Thing

and it’s a mess. They spend the whole week of bachelor parties (Losers plus Patty sans Bev get sad drunk and wish Bev was there) and bachelorette parties (Losers plus Patty sans Ben wear feather boas and get sorority drunk with Bev’s fashion friends, gossip about Ben and sing karaoke) pretending they’re not sneaking off to bone in every unoccupied room they possibly can

It’s a MESS. Richie figures the years of practice at pathetic, secret longing mean they should be better at this than they are. Like yeah, they’re still hovering in this awkward limbo stage where it’s both terribly exciting and horribly embarrassing to be crossing meat swords with your long lost best bro, while knowing you’re both totally into it, but they already acted so couple-y beforehand that it’s probably WEIRDER if Eddie stops smiling all fond and fixing Richie’s hair, or if Richie stops slinging his arm around Eddie at every opportunity. But that’s letting their guard down, and they keep freezing and jumping apart in the middle of casual conversation. They’re standing with Bill and Audra and Patty and Mike in some hotel function room, discussing whether or not stealing Ben’s yacht is feasible when Richie oh-so-gently says “hey—c’mere,” and wipes a smudge of chocolate fondue (contains nuts!!) from Eddie’s mouth with his thumb. Everyone stops talking. Everyone stares. Eddie stares. And Richie needs to duck and cover so he sort of - slaps him? Not even hard enough to make a noise, it’s more of a tap-then-push. He pushes Eddie’s face. “Is that Staniel I hear,” Richie says, after a moment.

“I don’t hear anything,” Patty says.

“No no, that’s definitely Stan,” Richie says, backing swiftly to the door. Eddie’s eyes are on him accusing and hot, dark brown like the chocolate smeared on Richie’s thumb. Later, Eddie will suck the taste off where it’s stuffed in his mouth to keep quiet as they fuck below deck in Ben’s stolen yacht, Mike and Bill fighting overhead about who gets to wear the blue and white captain’s hat. Eddie’s pants are barely even pulled down. Richie does his Quint From Jaws Voice and goes duh-dun, duh-dun as Eddie pushes inside so Eddie will bite his thumb and fuck him harder. It’s all very undignified, and illicit, and stupid. Eddie loves it. “I have great ears, Pattycake, and Stanley makes this sort of, uh, echolocation type noise when he’s having issues with hotel staff. I should know, I went on vacation once with his family, to the Catskills? Stan spilled soup on a waiter and every bat in the fuckin’ place came right outta the forest and flew into the buffet. Don’t ask him about it though, one man’s vigilante origin story is another man’s traumatic childhood. Okay bye.” Richie definitely doesn’t run, but running away is more about aura than gait.

Audra frowns. “Did he just imply Batman didn’t have a traumatic childhood?”

“Haha,” Eddie deflects, stuffing his hand in his pocket, and missing. “He must’ve had the shrimp. Fucked up that he’s the one with the actual shellfish allergy, right? Isn’t that irony, or something?”

“That would be ironic, if you didn’t know everything we’re all allergic to by heart and would never let Richie eat shrimp,” Bill says, still staring.

“I would,” Eddie says immediately. He can’t find his fucking pocket. “I would totally let Richie eat shrimp.”

“You slapped his slice of pizza out of his hand last week because there was oyster sauce in the marinara,” Mike says, but Eddie is already actually running away. Wow, he’s fast.

Even with the Losers, Richie’s only out by implication, but it’d still be weird if he, for some reason, brought a woman as his date. He thinks about bringing Sven the Sound Guy because he’s as opposite to Eddie as it’s possible to find on short notice since Guy Fieri was unavailable, but he can’t decide whether this is genius cover or so on the nose as to be damning. He goes stag in the end, which is perhaps most damning of all. Eddie is in Schrodinger’s closet, because he doesn’t have to answer either way if nobody fucking asks him, and nobody does, because Eddie always starts doing whatever he’s currently doing to an incredibly intense level whenever the conversation turns to dating. One time at dinner when they were all in the same city for one of Richie’s tentative, low-key comeback shows, someone mentioned post-divorce dating apps, and then someone simply said the word Grindr not even in Eddie’s direction and Eddie cut his steak so hard he scratched the plate. This was an achievement in and of itself seeing as the clown took Eddie’s fork-arm, but Richie was spearing his steak for him while he cut it. He’s an enabler. An enabler to steak, and freakouts.

Anyway, even with all of this, it’s still weird that Eddie brings a woman. She’s Paula. From work. Stan sees her checking her phone so often that he figures out she’s one of the women in the matching white wedding dresses on her lock screen. Stan nudges Patty, who becomes very insistent that they should tell Eddie before he gets his heart broken, but Eddie is probably too busy periodically kicking out the backs of Richie’s knees to make him wobble and buckle against the bar to notice, or care.

Bev has great fucking aim, is the thing. There’s a lost catapult and a space-alien dead as a dodo can attest to it, but she’s still facing the opposite direction and could never predict that her bouquet toss would bounce off two different bridesmaids’ heads, straight into Richie’s hands. They’re so beautiful. White and orange and a rich, nautical blue that matches Eddie’s suit, tidily pinned up at the right shoulder and pressed hard into Richie’s side. Bev is laughing delightedly and Ben is taking a photo, and Eddie has been getting steadily drunker ever since he got back half an hour ago from gratefully sending Paula home to her wife in an Uber with some cake. He’s all pink across the bridge of his nose and he looks so fucking adorable with Ben’s blue and white yacht captain hat tilted on his head at a rakish angle, and the others are all catcalling so hard that Richie figures they might as well give up the pretense. He kicks out the back of Eddie’s knees so he’ll buckle into Richie’s flowery arms and fucking DIPS him like that old wartime photo even though Eddie’s the one with the sailor hat getting knocked off his head because they’re kissing so enthusiastically, clinging to the back of Richie’s neck and snortlaughing into his mouth, but suddenly everyone’s shouting, and they all sound - not pissed, exactly, but certainly indignant

“Are you guys serious,” Bill says, “you’re stealing their thunder right now? One major childhood romance realized isn’t enough, you’re gonna crash theirs?”

“Wait,” Richie says

Bev throws up her hands. Richie can’t see, because of her dress, but he’s pretty sure her foot is actually tapping. “Why didn’t you tell us!”

Eddie is still dangling off him like a monkey, all stunned-drunk limp with the bouquet shoved in his face. Richie hears what uh oh sounds like muffled by flowers, and Ben silently takes another photo, like he’s cataloguing a crime scene.

“You guys... didn’t know? We actually kept it a secret?”

“Until now, you jackasses!”

“What secret,” Audra asks, appearing with like eight plates of cake. “What’s happening? Oh wait, I’m caught up.”

“But—but—the fondue,” Eddie says, and seriously, it’s not like the clown ripped his legs off, he could try standing and facing this with Richie like a true bro, but Richie’s kind of enjoying the weight of him. Plus he’s pretty sure Bev won’t dare to go through Eddie to kill him, so. Human shield it is.

“What about the fondue?” Mike looks like he did after the end of The Usual Suspects. Like he’s re-evaluating every time Richie and Eddie left a room together, and wishes he wasn’t. “You guys are like that all the time.”

“Then why were you all staring!”

“Nobody was staring! It was a natural lull in conversation, we were weirded out that you were being weird about it! Have you always been this self-centered?”

“I guess so,” Richie shrugs. He looks down at Eddie, covered in pollen and thoroughly confused. He’s so drunk he’s looking kinda cross-eyed. “You hear that, dude? We were killing it, until we fucked it all up!”

Eddie grins up at him. “Good enough!” he slurs, and then lets go of Richie’s neck for a high five. Everyone’s gone back to ignoring them in favour of dancing to Journey, so at least nobody notices Richie’s so eager to return it that he drops Eddie on the floor instead

[ziracona]

So last night I wound up reading Amanda's wiki and It made me kind of sad for her, because it very much sounds like she was suffering from stockholme syndrome of a kind there, to me, atleast. Which makes me wonder, what do you think of the pig/amanda? What's your Amanda like in your stories? Do you think she had any potential for redemption (with A LOT of work)? I guess I just wanna hear your thoughts on her character because ur always rly good at it?? - Sleepy

Yeah, whoever wrote the Saw wiki loves Amanda and hates Hoffman and it’s genuinely hilarious. They make a lot of assumptions (like that her motive for killing Adam after he won his game was mercy killing, which is a throughly unconfirmed opinion), and use the most sympthetic & extreme language possible. I’ve watched all the Saw films, and as a character, Amanda is a very enjoyable villain, but as a person? She’s a truly awful human being. (Side note—this typed last— So, mentioning certain Saw characters sends me flying into a rage like a D&D berserker, so this is gonna get angry as hell, but 0 of it is at you. I love you. This is at the Jigsaw squad. WHO I FUCKING HATE. Ahem. Anyway. Felt like the level of unbridled and sudden fury needed a heads up lol.) It’s not Stockholm syndrome. In Saw one, she’s a victim who is put in a reverse beartrap and forced to either die, or cut the key out of the stomach of a paralyzed by drugs but very alive (which she knew) other kidnap victim, whom she cut open and killed. After enduring that trauma and barely surviving, she immediately accepted John’s offer to join him. She was not forced, she was not tricked. He asked, and because she wanted to feel special and important, she agreed to inflict suffering she knew goddamn well the horrible level of on others first hand, and went willingly. She is self-centered to her core, and became dependent on and infatuated with John, and obsessed with his approval. She kidnapped Adam and Lawrence with him, who were kidnapped for fuckall reason (literally John just thought photography was pathetic) and for almost cheating on his wife (lol this was John’s ‘stated’ reason—his real reason was John is the world’s pettiest bitch, and Lawrence was the doctor who told him he had cancer. I’m not fkn kidding he’s that level of petty self-absorbed, self-righteous bastard) respectively. Then killed Adam after he won his game, which should have given him freedom but John reneged on like he always does like the pissy little bitch he is, Amanda killed him for reasons up to speculation. However, given John usually tests people who win a second time or tries to get them to join or some bullshit, it’s more plausible to assume her motive was seeing him as a threat than that it was mercy killing, and it’s only stated in-film to be an emotion based decision, not her actual movtive. Everyone’s opinion on this action is just that—opinion. With varying degrees of factual basis behind the educated level of educated guess.

In Saw 2, she helps John kidnap a bunch of drug addicts like herself who all got false arrests by the same officer at one time or another, along with a poor fucking 15 year old whose crime is having that cop for a dad. She then spent the next two hours watching people whose only crime was drug use, like herself, die horribly of organ deterioration, knowing at any time she could have stopped it and saved them all because she knew how to get the antidotes. Bitch even holds one girl in her arms and stokes her head and pretends to care about her while she hacks up deteriorated lung and blood and fucking dies, when at any moment she could have chosen to let her live. Literally no one should be more sympathetic to them than her. She knows how addicted to drugs feels, and the help you need. Anyway, she doesn’t, she lets them die and plays with them, and then when it’s to her, the 15 year old—who multiple times saves or helps her when hurt by other participants, and is nothing but kind—and one other man, the man shows up to kill her to get an antidote, and the poor fucking 15 year old child kills him with a saw to save her, traumatizing himself to a breakdown afterwords, and instead of being even thankful, she attacks and knocks him out, ties him up and attaches an oxygen tank so he won’t suffocate, and locks him in a fucking like tiny ass safe to be a game piece for another trial and leaves him there. His dad, who admittedly needs to serve jail time but isn’t a fucking murderer at least & does love his son, shows up distraught looking for his kid he’s afraid is dead, and she sneak attacks and takes him down, then leaves him chained up in a nasty lost bathroom to starve slowly to death, and doesn’t even do him the decency of telling him his kid isn’t dead. When he breaks his foot to get free and comes hobbling wounded after her, she sneak attacks again and he nearly wins, but she fucks up his broken foot and starts to leave, then comes back and beats him (she thinks) to death becuase he said she would never be Jigsaw, and she’s that petty and proud. Kid never gets to know what happened to his dad, and even alive, will definitely die young from the complications one, you know, gets from almost dying of chemical organ deterioration.

In Saw 3, the main victim is a man whose kid was lost in a hit and run. Jigsaw has Amanda kidnap his wife because she’s a surgeon and also was once not as sympathetic as he thought she should be when talking to him about his cancer at the hospital (I’m not even fucking exaggerating—side note, I will beat John Kramer to death myself with my huge fucking meat fists and laugh as I watch his bones crumble to dust). This poor bitch just lost a kid, then separated from her husband because he was a fucking mess consumed with revenge against the poor college kid who accidentally hit his son & totally withdrew from the world, and she wakes up with a collar filled with shotgun shells basically a 360 gun blow off your head collar deal on, and Amanda wheeling her around in the wheelchair she’s tied to. They tell her if she keeps John alive until the person being tested finishes his test, she can go free. The whole movie, Amanda keeps trying to convince John to kill the poor woman even though she complies just because she’s a throughly selfish, petty, conceited, self-pitying bastard with no regard for others, and wants this “Bitch” to die for fun. She feels she’s a threat for John’s attentions, and John isn’t even romantically inclined toward her, but she’s obsessed and doesn’t care. Amanda decides between Saws 2 and 3 that people aren’t fixable—even though she herself was supposedly “helped” by her Jigsaw game and this is hypocritical as fuck—and just starts straight up fucking torture murdering for fun. To the point even John thinks she has to be stopped. Like if John fucking Kramer thinks you’ve gone to far? Jesus help you because no one else can. She still does the torture, but instead of like, chopping off your own hand with a paring knife and getting to live, you chop it off and then still slowly get your head crushed between two beams being screwed closer and closer together. She kills Kerry for fuckall reason except she wants to (Kerry is a detective who did jack shit wrong—she was just on the case. It’s utter bullshit). Kidnaps her, straps a thing with hooks in her ribs that will tear out her rib cage when a timer runs out, and kill her that way, and had her hung up above the ground tied by chains, and tells her if she burns her hand up in a bottle of acid to get the key at the bottom which is hard period in the suit—never mind losing the hand—she can live. And Kerry fucking does, ruins her hand, unlocks the lock, and the suit won’t come off becuase the cunt rigged it. Then Amanda shows up to watch her die for fun just to smile smugly at her and watch her fear. Because she’s a fucking soulless, sadistic, evil, self-centered, self-important asshole.

Obsessed dad let’s a fucking bystander whose only crime was seeing a hit and run and running off freeze to death stripped naked and sprayed with water in a freezer slowly, saves a judge who gave too weak a sentence to the hit and run kid after the man begs, and then lets the poor fucking college kid who did it and already feels awful get his arms twisted till they snap off, legs twisted till the same, and then his head twisted around back so far it twist snap kills him. The rack is fucking beyond inhumane death. Amanda monitors this while threading Lynn (the poor doctor lady) for fun and crying over poow wittwe John who is dying of cancer (thank you god for doing what we couldn’t), and being miserable. Eventually, Hoffman sends her a letter saying if she doesn’t kill Lynn, he’ll tell John that she was one of the people there to steal drugs the night his wife got injured and miscarried (he probably already knew 🙄), and becuase Amanda cares about nothing more than Amanda, she fucking monolgauges at John about how special and sad she is how he needs to fix her and she’s a murderer but she doesn’t care because you know—she’s depressed : ( so she gets a pass for her self she’s UwU sad so her poor little crisis can have a massive torture body count bc she’s that special UwU and why is Lynn not gonna die even though she did her job!??? So unfair! No one changes kill them all but tell me I’m special I’m symapthetic because I’m sad and that makes it fun for me to tear people’s ribs out :’( —and then she fucking shoots Lynn becuase she cares less about an innocent woman’s life than the potential for John to be mad at her :’-( you know—such symapthetic stuff! And then John is like “Ok then fkn die :’(“ and Jeff/unstable dad/Lynn’s husband runs in and shoots her and then kills John.

Anyway! I fucking hate Amanda with a passion, and John. I cannot stand humans who hurt each other for fun, especially when they target those who most need help. But above all I cannot abide a person who is a sadistic, selfish, wholly self-absorbed fuck of a human, and refuses to take any responsibility for their actions or admit how fucking bad they are and has the goddamn nerve to act like a victim. Like if you’re going to be an evil son of a bitch, at least have the decency to admit it. If you’re a self-pitying “im uwu special and sad and better and more important than everyone else” —double points for “& becuase I am attractive I can get away with being a soulless shit without any being held accountable” from fandom or the media itself, tripple if from both—? I will kill you myself. I will rip out your eyes and chew on them. I will kill my self on a bomb to take you too. I will chew off my left arm for the sole purpose of getting to beat you to death with it. The wiki writer bends over back so bad they’re gonna need a brace the rest of their life to make her sound sympthetic, but they’re just a fan. She’s not. At all. She doesn’t have Stockholm, and I see people say “she got manipulated and used : (“ all the time, but without fail so far it’s people who think she’s hot and just want a reason to stan that because somehow a hot white woman with short hair even if canonically infatuated with John Kramer is somehow both a lesbian, and excusable for every horrible torture murder she ever did to feel uwu special in her depressed sad times. She wasn’t manipualated. It happened fast, she wasn’t courted into it, and she didn’t even hesitate to say yes. He offered her an out, made sure she was serious, and she stayed. And then she escalated to the point John took her out to stop her, because it was worse than what he wanted to do. I enjoyed her as a villain but as a person I fucking hate Amanda, and don’t really want to see her get another chance. Bastard doesn’t deserve one. I can’t say there’s no continuum in which she could never improve or be redeemed becuase who the fuck knows, and I like to think there’s a smidgen of hope for anyone, but that said, I do think the more evil you willfully do, the more you lose your humanity, and you can hit a point there’s just no person left. So. Anyway, hah, I don’t think she’s redeemable and frankly don’t want her redeemed. I want to burn her to death myself if I have to die that way too. Also! This was a wildly angry answer but none of it is directed at you. That wiki writer does make her sound symapthetic, I’ve read the wiki too—just I go into a blind rage any time John or Amanda is even mentioned and it takes me a half hour to come back down. I fly into a rage. If I ever go into anaphylactic shock, all a friend has to do is start mentioning the names of Saw villains and my adrenaline will start pumping like jet fuel and I’ll be fine. I just have a whole lot of righteously just rage at horrible awful self-righteous self-absorbed malicious manipulative dehumanizing self-pity bastards who take 0 responsibility for their evil or admit it, and Amanda & John are two at the way top of that rage list. It’s a dark but powerful headspace when I think of them. I become very powerful...but also very enraged. Lol, anyway, here’s the breakdown you didn’t need, but it is throrough!

[mushuthegreat021]

Bakugou Caught Cheating

Bakugou x fem reader

Characters- bakugou, kaminari, Mina, kirishima

Angst- cheating, profanity, degrading, crying

Author note- this is my first time so please forgive me for any mistakes please enjoy. :)

Y/n was sitting in her room playing on her phone as a ding was heard from her phone. It was a text from her best friend denki kaminari. She had been friends with him for year. Even before they were in UA. They were always goofing around and being funny. She had started dating bakugou a year after they had been. She had liked him ever since the first day, remembering it like it was yesterday. How her heart fluttered and a blush spread across her pale cheeks. They have been together for almost a year now and she loved every moment of it.

It took awhile for bakugou to warm up to her. She had slowly break the ice and get to the soft side of him. She felt accomplished and happy that he was that way with only her. She always made sure to give the other all the love she could possible provide. Giving him the reassurance that he's great no matter what and that he was her hero. She never wanted the relationship to end. She wanted to be with that man for the rest of her life. It was so blind but beautiful to her.

Y/n smiled as she stared at the sleeping katsuki that was her phone background. When she saw the message from her best friend she clicked on it and read the message. She chuckled softly. Her chest bouncing up and down slightly from her chuckles. Kaminari had sent her a meme which they did often. It was a ritual and the norm for them. They had been a bit more distant lately since she had been pouring most of her time into katsuki. She felt bad for putting her childhood friend aside and cancelling things with him. But the other understood and supported them full heartedly which y/n was happy about.

She replied to the message with laughing emojis and sending another meme, knowing it was going to end up being a long chain. She closed the message and went to her Instagram and looked through photos on there seeing what was new. She had noticed a recent post from kirishima, another one of her friends that she met through katsuki. A soft smile creeped up on her face seeing the shark looking boy dressed in a shark onesie. There were other shark plushies near him a long with his girlfriend Mina. They were super cute together and y/n and kaminari would spend hours gushing over them.

She continued to scroll when she heard another ding pop up on her phone. She smiled thinking it was kaminari again and clicked on it. She saw it was not her best friend but her boyfriend katsuki. Which made the smile on her face light up even more. The skin of her lip tugged between her teeth. It was a bit of a flirtatious text. But the smile spread across her face quickly dropped when she saw the name the katsuki used. It wasn't hers, but another girls name. Whom she didn't even know. Her hands clenched the phone that was laid in her hands. She tried pushing the thoughts of anything negative away. " He wouldn't cheat.... He loves me, he's not that type. " Y/n muttered quietly to herself before finally responding.

' babe? Who's (𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦) ' she texted back. The males chat bubbles popped up quickly. Showing her that he was texting, when the other sent the message saying that it autocorrected to that. And that sero was messing with his phone and changed it. Y/n felt a pit of worry form feeling that he wasn't saying the truth but pushed it away. She then smiled and wrote back to him saying it was okay and that she loved him.

After that incident things have been a little weird, katsuki had been more distant than usual. She shrugged it to the side knowing he was probably just working hard and studying a lot like usual. That day her and katsuki were hanging out at her place and watched a movie. After dinner her boyfriend had went home saying he needed to study for the test coming up. She agreed since she needed to study as well. Kissing the male good bye and watched him leave her house. That night she had just taken a shower and was at her desk with the book in front of her studying for the exam when she looked up and saw katsuki's phone.

It confused y/n a little since she knows that katsuki never goes anywhere without his phone, let alone leave it. A soft sigh left her lips. She stood up and walked over to her bed picking the small device up. She decided to go over to his place and return it to him. She slipped on a hoodie of his that he left for her. And slid on some shoes heading out to her boyfriends apartment. After about a ten minute walk she had made it to the apartment complex. She walked up to the door and knocked on the door. She swayed back and fourth on the balls of her heels while waiting for either mitsuki or masaru to answer the door. After about a minute she could hear the door unlock and the doorknob turn open. When the door opened she saw katsuki's mother who resembled her boyfriend so much.

A sweet smile grew on her face as she bowed slightly to the woman. " Ah Mrs. Mitsuki sorry to be a bother so late but you see katsuki left his phone at my place. I know he's busy studying and probably didn't notice. But I know how important it is that he has it and came to return it. " She said in a sweet sounding voice. But the older woman's face and aura didn't match y/n's which confused her slightly. " Oh honey, I didn't know you weren't here. I thought you were here already, katsuki is in his room. " She said growing slightly. Y/n cocked her head to the side in confusion as she didn't quite understand what the woman in front of her meant. " No I haven't been over in weeks Mrs. Mitsuki.... Katsuki said it's been a little to hectic am for me to come and that there was some trouble going on. " She said in a weaker tone while the smile quickly faded.

The others mother shook her head. " No honey, everything here has. Been perfectly fine, I've thought it's always been you who's been coming over almost every night and leaving in the early morning. " She explained back to y/n making the others face drain and become pale as a sheet. And the pit her stomach start to grow. "C-can I come in and s-see katsuki? " She struggled to get out as her body started to shake hoping it wasn't what she thought it was. Finding out her boyfriend had been lying to her was already bad enough. But hearing about some girl who's been here with him for awhile made it even worse. She felt sick with anticipation, and the lump in the back of her throat start to form.

The ash blonde woman nodded and stepped the side letting y/n in the house. She took her shoes off and walked to her boyfriends room. The phone in her hand clenched tight, her knuckles white from how hard she was holding it. It was if she could break the phone if she squeezed the small device any harder. The closer she got the more sounds she could hear. They were faint but still audible. She gulped as her hands began to shake while she reached towards the handle. When he hand grasped the knob she turned it and flung the door open.

Her eyes laid upon the sight she dreaded the most. Her boyfriend with another girl naked having sex. Hot tears welded up in her eyes causing her sight to become blurry. " Mom close the fuc-" Katsuki stopper in the middle of his sentence when he saw his girlfriend in the door way. " This.... This is what you call studying.... Is th-this why I couldn't come over here? " She said in a weak broken tone. It cracked from the lump that was formed in the back if her throat making it hard to speak. Katsuki quickly pushed the girl away and got out of the bed. "Babe it's no-" Y/n stopped him mid sentence. " It's n-not what it loo-looks like? Is that i-it? " She mumbled in a broken cracked voice.

Hot tears streaming down her face, body trembling from the mixed emotions. She felt angry, betrayed, and heartbroken. " Yes... I mean no... Please just try to hear me out.... She means nothing! " He yelled. Steam vapour starts to come off her body, emotions overtaking her. " You cheated on my katsuki.... You lied to me.... " She mumbled while putting her head down. The other reaches for her to attempt to calm her down only to get his hand sweater away. He flinched at the heat on her body was climbing at a very quick rate. " Tell me why!? " She mumbled. " H-huh? " Katsuki muttered while holding his now burned hand. " I said... Why! Tell me why!? " She screamed at the top of her lungs. " Why cheat on me? Was I not good enough for you!? Did I not love you enough!? " She screamed as her voice cracked and hot tears streamed down hitting her bare feet.

He was quiet for a moment as the girl quickly collected her stuff and pushed passed y/n. She looked up with anger and heartbreak in her eyes. " Fucking tell me! " She yelled while throwing the phone at him that had slight burn marks and cracks on it. From her squeezing it and the heat in her hand causing it to burn the phone slightly. Hot tears rolled down the others face. " Because your ugly and fat. You were to clingy! There are you fucking happy now you stupid bitch!? " He yelled in anger as smoke rose from his hands. Her heart shattered at the moment. Flames now rising from her body, emotions finally overtaking her. Causing her quirk to activate. " I'm not good enough? I'm fat and ugly? Sorry that I showed your sorry ass love. Your fucking pathetic katsuki bakugou. I gave your angry ass a chance.... A chance no one else was willing to give you. Everyone was right about you. You really are just a self centered asshole. Now your single, enjoy your life you pathetic bitch. Hope you suffer and never become a hero. " She sneered with pure hate.

She didn't mean any of it but she was blind with anger. " I wasted 8 months with you. I'm so stupid, good thing it's over now. " She sneered and brushed against the side of the door while turning around. Causing her to scorch the wood. She angerly stomped out of the place grabbing her shoes and slipping them on. His parents standing in the living shocked whole katsuki stood in his room broken. The words of hers playing in his head on repeat. Falling to the ground, breaking down crying while yelling curse words. She slammed the door and slowly walked down the road toll her feet slowly started to speed up. Till she was sprinting down the road sobbing loudly yelling to herself. He heart was shattered that night, it all happened so fast. It didn't kick in till now, what truly happened and what she said to the ash blonde male.

The night was cold as the wind blew. She ran and ran till her feet were numb and she couldn't move anymore. She looked up seeing she was at a park that was not to far from her place. She sniffles while whipping her nose. Y/n looked at the bench and dragged her feet to the bench before plopping down on the cold metal bench. She looked up at the moon, her eyes red and puffy from crying hysterically. She weakly lifted her hand up that was swallowed up in the tarnished hoodie that was once katsuki's. Thoughts racing through head, the words he said making her heart crack even more. All that love she out in was for nothing. He never cared about her, it hurt so much. That's all she could think of. Her long hair blew in the cold wind.

The next day she woke up from her hour of sleep. She didn't get back from the park till 4 in the morning. Sitting there crying while looking into the night sky. She felt horrible, her eyes were red and puffy. She had dark lines under her eyes and she looked extremely pale. More pale than she usually did, she sniffled softly knowing she probably caught a cold. She didn't care as she forced herself out of bed and got ready for the day. She covered her face with make up to mask the red puffy eyes and dark lines. She grabbed her back as she weakly made her way to school. She had no energy to smile or even talk. She walked into class 1-A and quietly sat down in her desk. She cancelled out all the chattering from other students.

She didn't even bother talking to her best friend kaminari who was trying everything to get her to speak. But no, her lips were sealed. Even if she did try to open her mouth and speak nothing would come out. She didn't want to break down in class, she didn't want katsuki to see how bad it affected her. She could feel the males eyes on her the whole time but ignored it. She didn't want to acknowledge his existence.

After class ended she stayed in here seat. She looked at kaminari and kirishima who were in front of her trying to get her to speak. But no luck with it making them grumble. Mina then gave it a try pulling her out of the classroom and to the bathroom. " Girlie what's wrong? You look so pale and torn down. What happened? " She asked with a voice filled with worry. Her body began to tremble and looked down at the floor. " Me... And katsuki are... Over... He" She stopped as tears already streamed down her face. " He what hon? " She asked. " Cheated" Y/n mumbled. Minas eyes widened with shock as anger quickly filled her and stormed out of the restroom and to the class room. Y/n's eyes widened as she quickly wiped the years away knowing her makeup was ruined. She spirited to the classroom but was to late. Mina had already confronted the male. Yelling at him all up in katsuki's face.

Making kirishima and kaminari confused till they heard what happened and quickly became angry as well. It became a whole thing making y/n feel uncomfortable and horrible for causing a scene. "Shut up!" She screamed loudly and everyone turned to her. " Leave it be! It's done... It's over with, he's dead to me and there's no need to go after him. " She said softly and turned and left the school. She soon switched to class 1-B and got to know everyone there. She slowly became better and happy. She still stayed friends with most in 1-A. Quickly forgetting about bakugou. Bakugou was torn up and never got better but she didn't care to notice. She wanted nothing to do with him, so she clear of him and went her own path.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

Schneider + the romances of Penelope Alvarez: meta ramble

So I’ve seen a lot of people discuss the ways that Schneider and Victor mirror each other in S1. And I think that in terms of major story arcs, that comparison is the most important, but we don’t talk enough about the way Schneider mirrors the best aspects of every guy Penelope goes out with.

Victor: 

likes to seem tougher than he is

believes nothing is more important than looking out for his family

except maybe his patriotic ideals

struggles with trauma and addiction

Schneider does all of the above, but in much less toxic ways. He’s a big marshmallow who wants to seem like a tough guy--except not if it means hurting people. His pride isn’t more important to him than other people’s feelings. Ever.

He would do anything for the Alvarez family, and they’re not even his. Except they are, because they mean the whole entire world to him. He’ll bust in without hesitation to protect Elena from being alone with a boy who might try to take advantage of her, he’ll have a panic attack over the slightest possibility that Alex might not be safe in his charge, and he’ll let Penelope stab him where it hurts without fighting back if he think it’s what she needs. Because they’re his family.

And unlike Victor, that’s all that he needs to know. It doesn’t matter what they’re dealing with or who they turn out to be, he’s there. Above everything else, he’s always right there. 

Victor goes back into active combat because 9/11 makes him feel like he owes it to his country, and to his daughter. I totally get that, for his character, and it helps explain him a bit better when we learn about that in S2. But he’s comfortable making that decision on everyone’s behalf, knowing the risks and knowing that he and his wife had a plan--which didn’t include him deciding to put his country and his fears for his baby’s safety ahead of everything else.

Schneider decides to become an American citizen despite benefiting greatly from being a rich Canadian living in the US...and he does so because Elena convinces him that he might risk losing them if he doesn’t. And the only moment he seems actually worried about the dangers of outing himself as undocumented is when he realizes that getting sent back to Canada would mean never seeing them again.

Victor’s family and love of America is why he does things that change his entire family’s future--without them getting a say.

Schneider’s family and love of America are completely intertwined, and it’s his love for them that motivates his best decisions--not just risky ones.

The decision to go back into the Army is what messes Victor up, with the addictions and the trauma. And his pride and need to be ‘strong’ means he refuses to face it and deal with it, because he’d rather not seem weak by admitting he has a problem or needs help or can’t fix himself on his own.

Schneider’s emotionally barren childhood and loss of what little support system he had as a young adult gave him the trauma that fed into his addictions. And while his is nothing like Victor’s, you can still see it haunts him. 

He’s desperate to give and receive love, but terrified of losing it, which leads him to bounce between ‘no strings’ relationships that don’t scare him but do hurt...and considering marriage to anybody who’ll have him, while he puts all of his love on a family that he has no actual rights to, simply because they let him.

Where Victor won’t admit his problems, Schneider goes to rehab six times. And he’s honest about how hard it is to stay sober. Where Victor insists he’s right just because he’s the dad, or the husband, Schneider will apologize when he’s called out--or correct himself. Victor isn’t willing to seem vulnerable or ‘weak’--even when he tries to win Penelope back it’s with smirking bravado and lies. Schneider is willing to rehash the most pathetic, broken parts of his own history to give Penelope courage. 

Victor was Lydia’s adored son in law for almost two decades, and when she might die he’s nowhere to be found. Schneider gives her mood lighting and tries not to cry at the thought of losing her.

Schneider doesn’t share Penelope’s culture, like Victor does...but he makes an even larger effort to try, because of his privilege. He learns Spanish, he joins in their meals and events and does his best to be a good ally. 

Max:

focuses his life on helping people

loves children and is very family focused

is willing to have a casual relationship, but really wants more than that

charms Penelope’s family, especially her mom

Again, Schneider shares all these traits, they just manifest differently.

He doesn’t need to work, but he uses his time to mentor kids, or teach exercise classes, or give his entire apartment complex the love and attention they each need. He spends his time figuring out, unasked and unpaid, just because he cares, what will make each tenant happy beyond the landlord business he’s actually called for. He doesn’t have the specific type of strength that saw Max (and Victor) through war, but he has the same drive to help others. 

Max enjoys Penelope’s kids, and has always dreamed of having a family of his own. In the one exchange we see him have with Alex at the dance, he seems pretty good with him, too.

Schneider claims he’s never really thought about kids for himself, and I think that whether he really hasn’t, or he claims he hasn’t because he already decided long ago that he’s not dad material, it’s easy to understand why he doesn’t have kids of his own. His parents growing up were completely disastrous--neglectful, distant, cruel, inconsistent. His best role models were family employees.

But whatever his thoughts on having kids of his own, he’s really good with them. He supports Elena and looks after Alex and is trusted to watch tenants’ grandbabies---a really high level of trust, especially placed in someone who can come off as careless or incompetent.

And so as a guy who has endless piles of love to give, who learned that he couldn’t expect to consistently receive it, Schneider is completely obsessed with the Alvarez family. He puts them in his art projects, he joins all their family gatherings, he tries to contribute and help out and makes them the center of his world. 

He doesn’t need to have kids, to start his own family, because he already found the one he wants. And they let him keep them.

When it comes to his relationship with Penelope, because that’s how we know him, Max is open to a casual relationship from the start, because he likes Penelope and it’s what she wants. But the moment she starts to show signs of wanting things to be more serious, he’s more than ready. It’s actually what he’s wanted all along. He also says ‘I love you’ first, and is the first to bring up kids. 

Schneider has casual relationships only, and extolls their benefits to Penelope, but like Max he’s really open to more, and trying to follow his partners’ lead. He considers marriage twice in two seasons, in one case with a woman whose name he doesn’t even know--this is a guy desperate to belong to someone. 

He tries to get more affectionate with his non-girlfriend then does his best to look like it doesn’t hurt when she rejects him. The moment she claims him as her boyfriend, in complete opposition to what they agreed their affair is, his response isn’t to try putting things back the way they were. He leaps right to a proposal, as though he was just waiting for her to decide they could be more.

Max wins Penelope’s mom over before they even admit to dating, and Lydia holds him up as the ideal specimen of a man forever after. But despite their styles being totally different, and Lydia coming to see Schneider as more of a sweet idiot who she adopted...before there was a Max to literally sweep her off her feet, Lydia was groping a shirtless Schneider and getting him to check out her ass in public. If he weren’t already family, Schneider would almost certainly win Lydia’s approval as a tall, handsome, charming guy, in spite of not being Cuban.

Ben

supports Penelope through her coming to terms with Elena’s identity

tolerates her mother’s quirky intrusion into their dates

respects Penelope’s boundaries

We have less to work with here, as Ben is only around for two episodes. But he’s the first man we see Penelope date, and it’s very telling that the basic reasons he’s appealing to her are also characteristics Schneider shares.

Because of his own experience with his brother, Ben is able to reassure Penelope that she’s still a good mom and she can love her daughter while she works out her own issues. This is how they bond, enough so that she’s actually willing to date him when she’s been hesitant thus far.

Funnily enough, though, after Elena comes out to her and she realizes she feels weird, where does she go? To Schneider, at one in the morning. Before she meet Ben and he gives her hope that things will get better, it’s Schneider who talks her through her feelings in the immediate aftermath.

Ben never makes it to the stage where he would be expected to meet Lydia. But she intrudes on their dates virtually anyway, even hijacking his phone to keep tabs on them. He is pretty cool about that, where another guy might be bothered by it. 

At the same time, Schneider’s entanglement with their family means that Lydia sometimes does the same to him, meddling with his one night stands and sussing out his potential future with a woman he’s willing to take dance tips for. He never minds even a little bit.

One of Ben’s best qualities (that we know of, anyway) before Penelope breaks up with him is his respect for her boundaries. She doesn’t have recent dating experience when they start going out, and her self-imposed rules are a little old-fashioned, but he goes with them. Even when he makes jokes about the number of dates remaining until they take things to the next level, it’s clear he’ll wait.

Schneider wanders around her apartment in a towel, agrees to play her husband at a car dealership, and intimates that he would willingly have sex with her if she wanted because he’s ‘a good friend’...but he is completely respectful of her, he never crosses any lines or even edges near them. No uninvited touches, no lewd remarks, no blatant ogling. With Penelope, he is a total gentleman.

Schneider:

is always there for not just Penelope, but both her children and her mom

is the one she trusts with secrets she won’t even tell her family or her dates

includes her in his hobbies and his relationships, and supports hers

doesn’t lie to her, or encourage anyone else to lie to her

loves her unconditionally, with no expectations or demands

TL;DR Schneider is the guy who Penelope can’t see has everything she’s looking for in a partner, because he’s already standing right there next to her.

[fasterthanyouvidia-blog]

Going Out is Not Training || Self Para

Quidditch. School. Studying. Initiation training. Work. Gym. Vidia's schedule was jam packed. She didn't have time to sit and bullshit. She didn't even get to see her roommates long enough to say hello. She didn't mind the lack of social interaction but she didn't even get time to trash talk the little putos she enjoyed messing with.

“Vidia! You're here!” Helen was a cute little thing. Her sweet disposition reminded her of her best friend. Maybe that was why she showed up. Vidia missed Felicity and Helen was the next best thing.

“Yup. Why are we here? What kind of lesson could be learned here?” The two young women stood outside of a wizarding nightclub as the music thumped from inside.

“Your first lesson on balance,” Helen grinned.

“Clubbing isn't balance.”

“Your balance issue isn't physical, it's mental,” She waved for Vidia to follow her. “You're so intense. You don't have time to relax. You don't have time to make friends. So, tonight, you'll be hanging out with us.”

“Are you kidding?” Vidia’s eyebrow peaked to one side.

“Nope.”

“I have friends.”

“We both know that's a lie. You have people you drink with and people you bully.” Vidia's jaw dropped as the sweet young girl spoke so candidly to her. “So, no alcohol. You need to socialize sober. Have fun. That's your training for tonight.”

“And if I can't do that?”

“We'll repeat the lesson,” Helen flashed a sweet smile and linked arms with Vidia as they were let through the velvet ropes.

The flashing lights and hum of chatter gave Vidia the urge to order a drink. She looked around and exhaled. She was there for some stupid lesson on balancing her life. It was bullshit but she agreed to all of the crap. She wasn't about to turn around now and give up.

The light danced around the rows of liquor bottles behind the bar as she followed Helen to the group sitting in the V.I.P. section. “Here you go,” Helen stepped up on the platform where everyone sat.

Claire, Graham, and Rodney greeted Vidia as Trina scoffed and ignored the new addition to their party. “Hey, Vid!” Graham was a little too close for comfort. “Let's go dance.”

“No,” she hissed into his ear.

“You're supposed to be training. Finding your balance.” His grin was wicked and Vidia wanted to punch him for it. However, she knew Helen wouldn't be too thrilled about that.

“Whatever,” she nudged past him and made her way to the dance floor.

It was a different feeling to be on a dance floor sober. It didn't bring the same pleasure or satisfaction as it did in the past. Even Graham’s arm that slid around her waist sent a wave of different feelings than what she was used to. “Hands off,” she tried to move forward but he pulled her back. “Let go, Graham.”

“We’re just dancing,” he spoke closely to her ear so he could be heard over the music.

“You don't need to have your grubby hands all over me,” Vidia pulled his hand off her hips and took a large step forward.

“Come on, Vid,” he closed the distance between them again. “It'll be fun.”

“I can't hit you but just know, I want to,” then she left the dance floor.

Vidia was having a shitty time. She used to love going out. One night of sober socializing didn't seem like it would be a struggle. It was. It was a major struggle.

Claire and Helen were off doing Merlin knows what over at the bar. Trina and Rodney were off talking to one another. Graham quickly recovered from Vidia's rejection and moved on to some other female.

“You shouldn't look so down,” Vidia rolled her eyes as she heard a man speak to her. When her eyes ventured a look it was Alf March, Guild Commander. “Isn't Helen’s lesson supposed to have you looking like you're enjoying yourself?”

“Guess it's not a good lesson.”

“It's a great lesson. You're just a sucky student.”

“Excuse me?” Vidia couldn't believe her ears. He barely knew her.

“You heard me. You want to join the guild and these people are taking time out of their schedules to train you. Appreciate the gift that is their knowledge and at least try.” Alf leaned against his elbow against the small table between the two of them.

“This is not how I enjoy myself,” she said begrudgingly.

“Well, how do you enjoy yourself?”

“Lots and lots of alcohol,” She said with a grin.

“Then let's start you off with a shot or two,” Alf held his hand out for Vidia to take. She wasn't going to tell him that Helen said no alcohol. What Helen didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

“Cheers,” Vidia raised the glass then knocked it back as quickly as possible.

Alf and Vidia had a few rounds before she felt happy enough to be looser and more sociable. “Are you ready to play nice?” His whiskers tickled her ear as he leaned over to ask the question. Vidia simply nodded. “Good.”

His hand laced with hers and guided her to the dance floor. Alf and Vidia moved together and she was in her happy place.

“See you can have a good time,” Alf whispered as his arm held Vidia around the waist.

“You like being right, don't you?”

“Yeah. Who doesn't?”

“Not many people, I suppose,” Vidia turned to face him as they danced.

“How is your training going?” Alf asked making small talk.

“It's alright. It's better now that I've had a few drinks.”

“Graham and Rodney both seem pretty interested in what's happening over here.”

“And?” Vidia peeked over her shoulder. Graham looked angry but Rodney seemed concerned. Graham was just upset because Vidia turned him down. She knew that would happen. Although, Rodney’s concern was more of a mystery to her.

“Just an observation.”

“Is being observant a Guild requirement?”

“Not entirely. It doesn't hurt to be, though.”

Vidia ran her finger down the center of his shirt, her finger gliding over the buttons as the past. “Why are you here? Just to check on my training?”

A cockeyed grin curled on his face. The thick whiskers on his face concealed much of the deviousness but Vidia knew it was there. “I was curious what all the fuss was over the bet.”

Vidia rolled her eyes and pushed herself away from his embrace and headed over to the bar. She was tired of the bet. Why did it even matter? She wasn't there for sex or anything in the realm of sex. She wasn't brought to the Guild for her sexual ability. She was offended that the bet was a huge topic of conversation among the members.

“Vidia,” Alf followed her. “We're having a good time, aren't we?”

She snapped around, “if I was a man would this bet even exist? Is what's in my pants all that matters? Or who for that matter? I may not have been the most chaste of girls. I slept with a lot of people. But fuck all of you who think it's okay to bet on when I would sleep with Graham.” Her chest heaved with anger.

“Relax, Vidia,” Alf called for a water from the bartender. “I didn't mean to make you upset. I was just seeing what was up.”

“Well, you've seen. So, you can go.”

“Want me to make sure you get back okay?” Alf asked as he handed her the water.

“I'm fine,” Vidia's reply was short as she sipped the ice water. “Bye, Alf.”

“Goodbye, Vidia.”

Vidia sat at the bar staring at the glass as the ice slowly melted. She slowly cursed Graham for even existing. She cursed Rodney for telling her. She cursed everyone who made the bet.

Her thoughts drifted to wonder why they never made ice that didn't melt. Witches and wizards could do spectacular things but they still have ice that melted and watered down drinks.

“That looks like some deep thought,” Vidia wanted to swing her fist around and hit whoever pulled her from her mind but she stopped. It was Rodney. “Are you okay?”

“I will be.”

“What happened with Alf?” He took the stool next to her.

“That stupid bet,” she muttered.

“Oh,” Rodney tried not to laugh as he ran his hand through his ash brown hair. “Yeah, Alf isn't exactly the most tactful of men.”

“Really?”

“You're the one who said he was your type.”

“Shut up,” she swatted his arm.

“No way. I came over to see if you were okay. I should get praised not swatted!” He rubbed his arm and pretended to whimper.

“You'll be fine,” Vidia said as she rolled her eyes.

“I might need a kiss to make it better,” he leaned his arm close to her.

“No.”

“Come on, Vidia. I won't tell,” his frown pulled downward even more.

“You're pathetic,” she rolled her eyes as she kissed the spot where she hit him. “There.”

“Thank you,” he sat back in his seat. “You kissed my boo-boo.”

“Oh good merciful Merlin!” She swung her seat around to face him. “If I knew you were going to talk about it I would have let you sit there begging me for one.”

“What if I asked you for a real kiss?” His eyebrows bounced with his question.

“Nothing. Trina would kill you,” Vidia said with a laugh.

“But you'd be the one to kiss me. Why wouldn't she kill you?”

“Because you asked.”

“If Trina wasn't a factor, then would you?” He leaned in close enough to smell the hint of vodka on his breath.

Vidia leaned in and whispered, “No.” she flashed a grin and swung her feet around. With a bounce, she was off the stool and fading into the crowd.

She spotted Helen, Claire and Trina laughing with each other like the merry band they were. Vidia had zero desire to be the fourth woman in their little clique. As annoying as the men were, Vidia was better suited to keep up with them.

“Alone, finally.” Vidia turned toward the bathroom and ran into Graham, again.

“Go away, Graham. I'm not nearly as drunk as I need to be to tolerate you.” Vidia ducked under his arm and kept walking.

“You'd rather sleep with Alf than with me?”

Vidia whipped around to face him, “I didn't sleep with him. I danced with him. Big difference. And I'll probably never sleep with you. So, get over it.”

“Why not?”

“Why does it even matter? Get over it. Not everyone wants to sleep with you.” She pursed her lips as her arms met her sides.

“Because,” he didn't have much of a reason. He took a step forward and relied on his looks to make her change her mind.

“Get over it, Graham. Your life will be easier if you do.”

“I don't lose bets,” he hissed.

“Everyone has new experiences,” she patted him on the shoulder and side stepped around him.

His hand came around and grabbed her. Vidia was stunned as her back hit the wall, “Trina is right about you. You're nothing. Not even worth the seconds it takes to piss.”

His breath mixed with hers and he hungrily scanned her body, “whatever, Graham. Stop eye fucking me and let me go.” She tried to keep her usual demeanor but she was worried what he was thinking about.

“Everyone has new experiences, right?” Before his grubby hands could manage their way up her leg, Vidia’s palm met his nose. A gush of red flow and he screamed.

“I'm sure you've had your nose broken before,” she gave him a shot to the kidney for good measure. “Now you can piss blood and think of me for an extra few seconds.”

Vidia was done. Socializing with the other members wasn't going to work out. She had to accept that they didn't respect her enough for it to work. If they weren't going to respect her then she was done. She was leaving.

“Vid!” She heard Rodney’s voice once she hit the street. She really hated how he was so quiet when he didn't want to be heard. “Wait!”

“Just wipe my memories and leave me alone,” Vidia shouted as she walked.

“No,” Rodney caught up quickly. “What happened in there?”

“It was a failed lesson. That’s what it was. I don’t fit in with you guys. You don’t want me around.” She stopped and looked up at him. “So, go back to your friends.”

“We do want you around but you’re not the easiest person to talk to. You’re always so guarded with your snippy comments and foul language. Drop that guard of yours and you can fit in with us. You can fit in with anyone if you just stop acting like a bitch all the time.” Vidia’s jaw dropped. “So, get back in there and become our friend.”

“No,” Vidia was going to stand her ground. “You think you know me. Following me around for a few months doesn’t mean you know me. I like keeping people at an arm’s length. I actively avoid relationships. It’s not some sort of accident. I did this. I made myself like this.”

“Stop being so stubborn. Stop just fucking stop. You’re throwing this opportunity away because you’re afraid of being our friend? Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds? You’re willing to throw away an opportunity to be one of the greatest flyers of all time because you don’t have to like us?” Rodney held her by the shoulders. “Listen to yourself!”

“I don’t even know why I’m still standing here.”  With a crack, Vidia apparated to her room at her parents’ house.

“Ah, shit!” Rodney was there with her. “I got splinched!”

Vidia grumbled as she took a look at the part of his arm where he had a large gash. “Here,” She tossed a shirt at him, “for the blood.”

“Thanks.”

“Wait here,” Vidia opened the door to her room and let the stairs glide downward. She was lucky enough to have parents that were magibotanists who kept all sorts of healing herbs in the house. She rummaged through their stores and yanked a few things out that would aid in the healing.

Rodney jumped when Vidia pulled the hatch door shut and spilled the herbs on the floor. “You’re an idiot. Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to do that? You don’t surprise side apparate with someone.” Vidia yanked the shirt from the gash and studied his wound. “I’ve had to patch up a few quidditch injuries over the years.”

“Have you ever lost a patient?” Rodney joked.

“Nope but you seem to have a death wish. So, does it really matter?”

“Nah, I just wanted to finish our conversation.” Rodney winced as Vidia pulled his arm closer for a better view. “You've got some bedside manner.”

“Our conversation was over. That's why I was leaving,” She said while pouring a salve on his splinched arm.

“I didn't say it was over.”

“Oh, really? And who said you were the boss of me, cadelo?” Vidia laughed as she examined her work as the gash began to vanish.

“No one. I just want to be your friend.” Rodney glanced at his splinched arm and nodded. “Look at you. If flying ever fails you, healing seems like something you can do.”

“Nah. That would mean I have to like people. That kind of gets in the way of my hate the world initiative.”

“Why are you like that? You're not a bad person. You can be nice.” Rodney shifted on the small seat Vidia had for her vanity.

“That's really none of your business.” Vidia began cleaning up the mess from doctoring his injury.

“I'm just trying to understand, Vid. Can you blame me?”

“There's nothing to understand. I don't want friends. Plain and simple.” The agitation was growing in her voice.

“But-”

“But nothing. Just drop it. You're all fixed up. You can leave now.” Vidia let the door drop back down for Rodney to leave.

“Vidia,” he stood up and almost hit his head on the slanted ceiling in the attic, “just talk to me. I'm here trying to be your friend. You say you don't fit in with us by how do you know if you don't try?”

“Rodney, if you say my name one more time,”

“What? You'll do what? You're too short to slap me. Can't break my nose like you did to Graham. Cut the big bad girl routine for like five minutes and be real with me. I'm just here trying to be your friend.”

“My best friend died. We were just kids and she died. I spent a day hiding in an old oak tree crying. I vowed to myself that I'd never feel that pain again. I wouldn't love or care for someone like I did for Lorena. So, if you don't mind, leave.” Her words were cold and distant. It had been a while since she said Lorena’s name.

“It's damn near impossible to do that,” Rodney took a step closer to Vidia.

“I do a pretty good job. I'm not going to say it again, leave.” She tapped her foot angrily as she waited next to the door.

“Come on. We just got going. Helen’s training lesson could still be somewhat of a success.”

“Go.”

“Fine. I'm leaving. I can apparate from here.” He said looking around.

“Doesn't matter. My parents left for some plant expo in Germany this weekend. They took the puppies with them, too.” Rodney laughed at the notion of Vidia having puppies.

“Walk me out then?”

“Fine.”

Rodney went down the ladder and Vidia followed. They walked in silence through her house. “You have a big family. I always thought Ridgewell was joking when he said Alberto had thirteen children.”

“Don't talk about my grandfather like you knew him,” she scowled up at him as they got closer to the front door.

“I've heard so much about him. It feels like I do know him.”

“Well, just shut up about it, okay?” Vidia felt a small twinge of jealousy. She knew very little about her grandfather. Since she decided to join the Guild, she felt like she didn't know anyone she was related to. Between her grandfather, Alberto, her mother’s parents, her uncle and mother’s betrothal and subsequently her parents falling in love, everything seemed to be so much more than what she was told.

“Can I get a list of what I can talk about with you? I have a feeling it's a much easier list to remember.”

“Quidditch. Alcohol. Girls. That's about it. Unless you're also into guys, that's something we can talk about, too,” she flashed a cheeky grin as she reached for the door.

“Sadly, I'm not into guys. So, just the three topics. I think I can do that. What if the girl is Trina?”

“Then keep it to alcohol or quidditch,” they both let out a chuckle. “She's probably going to be pissed at you for leaving.”

“She's not my girlfriend or my keeper,” Rodney’s tone was less playful than before.

“You sleep with her.”

“Do you answer to everyone you sleep with?”

“Touché,” Vidia opened the door and motioned for him to leave.

“Well, I guess I'll be going.”

“Night, Rodney.”

“Good night, Vidia.” Rodney hesitated in the doorway. “Give us a chance. You said we don't respect you. If you want us to respect you, then you need to give us a chance to.”

“I don't want your respect. I just want you out of my house and my life.” She shrugged and started to close the door.

“I'm not buying it. Somewhere deep down, you want to befriend us,” Rodney held the door open as he talked. “Just a chance. Please?”

“If I say I'll think about it, will you finally leave?” Rodney nodded. “Fine, I'll think about it but don't hold your breath, puto.”

[bcbdrums]

Immolation

I’m heavily depressed, so you get heavy angst.  This is a direct sequel to “Torment”

FFn     AO3

--------------------------------------------------------

Immolation

Shego ran the dampened washcloth over the smooth, polished surface of the bar and stared at the grains of wood beneath. She nearly had them memorized, for how many times she'd run the cloth over them to wipe away the condensation left by the rims of drinking glasses. She always tried to find vague shapes in their patterns; faces and objects and sometimes familiar ocean waves. She didn't have anything else to do with her days, after all.

The small wall-mounted television in the corner continued to play news from the local channel, and after three years she could finally understand the Spanish of the broadcast. She'd picked up the local slang faster by necessity, since she couldn't use her powers to protect herself from the type of crowd the bar attracted. It was ironic, for its nearness to the Caribbean, but the slums of El Salvador had been the perfect place to hide. She easily translated the broadcast into the more comfortable English:

"...And here is Dr. Drakken only days ago, unveiling his latest innovation at the world's largest scientific conference in Berlin..." the voice from the TV cut through the minimal noise at the late hour in the bar.

A soft smile came to Shego's face. And then suddenly her vision was filled with the large form of a dark-skinned man wearing a t-shirt that had seen too many years, and with a face that hadn't seen a razor in weeks.

"Venga, chica. Bailar conmigo."

Shego stepped back from the strong scent of alcohol and scowled at the man, a regular at the establishment, but one who never quite took the hint. Especially not when he had had too many.

"Raquel?" came the accented voice of Esteban, her boss and the owner of the place, from across the room where he was wiping down tables and stacking chairs for closing.

She leaned around the offensive man to merely smirk at her boss knowingly in return. He grimaced slightly, no doubt wondering how much of a mess there would be to clean after she was finished with the brute.

Truthfully, she didn't always reject the men who asked her to dance. Whenever she'd had a few shots it was easier to say yes, and she enjoyed closing her eyes and moving to the rhythm of the music, and imagining herself in a different place. But it would always end the moment any of them tried to lay a hand on her...

She couldn't cross that line. There was only one set of hands she ever wanted to touch her, and they never would. Allowing herself to indulge once and pretend with anyone else would open the gate to far worse sins than her most definitely out of control drinking, and she didn't want to deal with the ramifications of heading down that path.

She still wasn't sure when she'd fallen in love with Drakken. She'd certainly been in love with him before she left, but she'd only realized the fact while in her self-imposed exile, when all she could think about was him.

Numerous magazines and newspapers were delivered to the tiny room she rented above the bar, but not of the variety she'd used to get. Now it was all science periodicals, and world news... And her wall was adorned with newspaper cutouts with his familiar, confident grin. The only reason she watched the news at all was for word of him.

She was pathetic.

Her 'clean break' as she'd hoped to make it seemed to have worked for him. He was finding the success she knew he would as soon as she was out of the picture, no longer holding him back. She knew that would have been the result had she stayed, making him question his sudden yearning for 'good.' Less for good, she knew of course, and more for the recognition and honor his genius rightly deserved. She wouldn't have said that years ago, but with the new understanding she had of her feelings...

She couldn't have stayed. He would have denied himself for her. And she refused to let herself think it was because his feelings were deeper too. No, that wasn't possible. It had been made abundantly clear to her over their four years as partners in crime that he simply didn't think of her that way. She was little more than an asset and a comfort; a listening ear for his endless dronings and rantings, easily replaced.

So she had left a note on her pillow one day after painfully listening to him describe the amazing job offers he had received, and simply vanished. She knew he would come looking for her, as he always did because 'he needed her,' so she had made herself impossible to find. She'd not hardly used her powers in three years, and she'd managed to convinced the locals in the high-poverty, high-crime rate slums she'd hidden in that her skin color was due to something between genetics and illness.

'Shego' was gone.

Now she was Raquel, the barmaid who drank too much, wouldn't let anyone get close, and who had a strange obsession with science magazines. Esteban and others had tried to get her to talk about herself, or her apparent science interest for awhile, but they'd finally taken the hint that she was out there in the middle of nowhere, at one of the only respectable establishments in those slums, to make sure know one ever knew her story.

Shego waited until Esteban wasn't looking, and then she lifted her hand above the leering man's head as his greasy fingers reached across the bar for her, and she let him have just enough of a pressure blast from her glow to knock him out. When the man's large, dead-weight hit the floor, her boss turned with a start.

"Ai ai ai, Raquel! Someday I will see how you accomplish that."

Shego merely smirked as her eyes shifted back to the television. It was a simple, lonely life... One that she might leave someday to pursue other interests. 'Shego' as the world had known her could probably never return, after her world-saving ventures with Drakken. She wouldn't want to put his career at risk in any way. But living from day to day and drink to drink, with only her periodicals and the TV to briefly soothe the ache in her heart wasn't plausible. She needed to move on.

The reason she hadn't was for the lack of one thing in every photo, article, and broadcast about the blue former villain who had saved the world: he was always alone. Even the candids taken by paparazzi that she would find in the trash magazines she had specially delivered only ever showed him having breakfast alone at a sidewalk cafe, or seated alone in an audience as he waited to accept an award.

Why hadn't he met someone and settled down already?

That was the last piece... That was what was missing. When Drakken finally had a woman on his arm, and his happiness was complete...then she could risk moving out into the world and being seen again. If he had someone else, he most definitely wouldn't need her. And she wouldn't have to face up to the fact of possibly seeing him again, with the feelings she'd been harboring for too many years that simply refused to die.

"...It has been confirmed to have been a suicide now, as the note was leaked to the press by a source who wishes to remain anonymous from within Japanese Intelligence..."

Shego's attention snapped to the television, where now a years-old photograph of Drakken at the UN, wearing his medal, was displayed in the corner of the screen as the Spanish news anchor continued to read the copy.

"The note was addressed to fellow-hero Kim Possible, and the text reads: 'I can't figure out what I did wrong. I can't live without her anymore. I'm sorry.' The note was not signed, but handwriting analysis easily showed it to be in the script of Dr. Drakken."

Shego felt the world spinning around her as her vision seemed to spin in the opposite direction. Her head swam and ached all at once, and she could see bright spots dancing in front of her eyes even as her view darkened. She stumbled forward to lean against the bar as she struggled to listen to the television.

"And the world remains in shock, one week from the date the acclaimed scientist took his life by jumping from the roof of the Osaka World Trade Center. We will keep you updated with more details as the story continues to unfold. This is Paola Ramos, reporting."

Shego's eyes fell back to the wood grain of the bar, dotted now with rainbow lights as she replayed the words over and over in her mind.

Dead? Suicide?

It couldn't be true... And if for an entire week, why hadn't she heard anything yet?

And worse... What had his...his suicide note, meant?

"I can't live without her anymore," it had read.

He couldn't... He didn't... He wouldn't...mean me?

Shego felt like she might throw up, and she let herself sink to the floor behind the bar until her cheek was pressed down against the cool tiles of the filthy floor.

He can't be dead... He can't.

She lay there, her breaths coming too quickly, until a voice broke through her racing, panicked thoughts.

"Raquel! ¿Qué pasa?"

She peered upward and let Esteban take her hand and help her to a seated position.

"Phone..." she managed to choke out, her throat strangely tight.

"What? But what has happened?"

"Phone..." she said, and started slowly crawling around the bar, her vision still swimming. She couldn't use Esteban's phone... But, the man she had dropped earlier...

She found the unconscious man and with hardly a grimace she fumbled in his pockets until finding his mobile phone, and then leaned back against the bar as she began dialing a long-memorized number. She realized as the phone rang that she didn't know if the number would be the same after so long, but that thought was broken by Esteban kneeling in front of her.

"Are you calling 911?" he asked, his dark eyes wide and worried as he studied her frantically. But then, the phone connected.

"Hello?" the familiar voice said through the line.

Shego suddenly realized, she had only ever called the girl 'Princess' or 'Pumpkin' or 'Kimmie,' and wasn't sure how to address the now young woman and for a brief time, ally.

"Kim..." she finally settled on, the name leaving her throat hoarsely.

"Yes? Who is...?" A familiar gasp sounded through the phone. "Shego?"

"Drakken..." was her one-word answer as suddenly tears began filling her eyes. "Drakken's note."

"Where have you been!? Where are you? We looked for you for over a year!"

"Did that note... Was it real? Is he...is he really...dead?" she asked, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand before digging her fingers tightly into her side as her hands started to shake.

"...Yes," Kim answered with a sigh, "he's gone."

Shego felt even more of the world around her fall away somehow. She could still see Esteban's scuffed tennis shoes and his knees where he knelt in front of her, and she could even see the leg of the collapsed man on her other side. But it was all through a dizzying haze.

"The note I heard them read on the news. Did he...did he mean me?"

"...Of course he did. Shego, are you okay? Where you have you been?"

"No..." Shego breathed, even as she lowered the phone from her ear despite Kim's continued questions. She almost forgot herself and ignited her hand, but instead she flipped the phone closed and dropped it on the ground.

Esteban helped her to her feet again, and he let out a small yelp of surprise as her heel came down hard on the phone.

"Ai, Raquel! What if he finds out?" he said worriedly, looking at the unconscious drunkard.

Shego didn't answer as she leaned on the bar and continued grinding the phone down to nothing, and then with her vision still dotted with color she stumbled back behind the bar. Her shaking hands reached out to familiar places until she found bottles of tequila, and then with four clutched in her arms she turned to head toward the stairs and her small rented room.

"Ai, Raquel, that is too much! That is too much!"

Shego ignored Esteban's words as she moved numbly to her room, pushing through the door and stumbling against the bed, all but one of the bottles of alcohol falling from her grasp. She spun around, and after shoving the door closed she melted the lock with her glow. Then she fell back to sit on her narrow, uncomfortable mattress as she fumbled with the lid of the tequila bottle.

She looked around at her walls, with their newspaper clippings and magazine cutouts of photos and articles about Drakken's successes. Tears fell from her eyes anew as she brought the bottle to her lips and soon felt her throat burn nearly as badly as her eyes. And the words of Drakken's note played through her mind repeatedly, her every thought and excuse for the past three years dissolving into torment.

----------------------

The next day, Esteban stood nervously outside the door that Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable were breaking into, explaining about the night before and the bizarre behavior from his employee. Of course, Shego's destruction of the mobile phone hadn't been quick enough to block Wade Load's trace.

When the trio finally pushed the door open, three pairs of worried eyes went wide before the faces fell to sadness and horror.

"Aaiiii, Raquel, ¿por qué? ¿Por qué, mi lucecita, por qué?"

Kim's eyes lit upon the one piece of paper not tacked to the walls, having fallen from the bed where it had previously been held in the occupant's hand. Her breath caught as she picked it up and together the trio read the sloppily scrawled words, the bartender sobbing over the shoulders of the two younger people.

"I didn't want to hold him back. I just wanted him to be happy."

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"...And broadcasting live from Osaka Prefecture, a tragic tale of unrequited love as we bring you the public funeral of acclaimed world heroes, Dr. Drakken and Shego."