#i started this for the sole reason that i personally hate when ppl humanize them and make applejack skinny and super fem

[wiklm]

nostalgic mlp brainrot this week

[ilikegirls-101]

I’m a firm believer that El will be the one who breaks up w mike in s5

ISTG DUDE I ALWAYS SEE MILEVENS SAY “mike isn’t gonna break up with el just for Will” OR “el isn’t gonna sacrifice herself for a mlm relationship” which is just dumb

Like duh ofc they’re not doing that. Like firstly, if either of them break up it’s not going to be because of Will i think (at least not for mike, cause I feel like for him it would have some relation but it wouldn’t be his sole reason) but mike wouldn’t break up with El just for Will, el would break up with mike just so the two of them got together. Also that’d just be BAD story telling

*also tiny lil note: when I say “it’d” I mean “it would” idk some ppl don’t get it when I text like that, also I’m not sure if it’s a real grammar thing soo ye, it’s just easier than saying the whole thing. So just letting ya know. Also another thing: this post was made cuz of right here*

If El broke up with Mike:

El would break up with mike because she realizes that they’re relationship is somewhat toxic and one-sided. She’d do it for herself CUZ MISS GIRL WILL BE INDEPENDENT 😆 but seriously, she would have this self growth yk? Like she’d have a montage of finding herself(like in season 3 kinda) finding her interests, hobbies, etc. she’d learn that she isn’t a monster or just a super hero. She’d learn that she’s just Eleven. And that’d be so good for her. She would learn that she doesn’t need a boyfriend to be deemed “normal” or something. She’d learn that she’s not a freak. She’d learn that she’s more than her powers. She’d be quite literally an independent woman™, not needing a man. (Honestly she never needed one before either🤷🏽‍♀️) that’s her arc for s5 (as well as the defeat of vecna duh💀). While all that’s happening, Mike n Will are gonna have their relationship act. Yk the whole sh-bang. their internal conflict within themselves(Will’s self hate, Mike’s self discovery), the social conflict with society/friends/family(homophobia, approval or denial), the conflict they have with each other(mike n will’s friendship, their romantic love for each other, their miscommunication) that’s Mike’s(and Will’s) arcs for s5. (As well as whatever happens outside of their relationship duh).

If Mike broke up with El:

Mike would break with el because he’d realize “woah I don’t love her like she needs me to” (I do believe he loves her, but not in a romantic sense tho). It’d go like this: him realizing he doesn’t have those feelings for her, or for any woman, then he’d learn to accept that and then he’d break up w her. He’d keep learning abt himself and his sexuality. I do think eventually he would acknowledge his feelings for Will and then the whole sh-bang will start 😝 I mean honestly it’s not much different from if El broke up with him. Maybe the perspectives would change or something, idk I’m not the duffers 🤷🏽‍♀️😭 but el maybe would still have epiphany of “I’m actually a human person”

ACTUALLY WE WOULD BE SHOWN THE STUFF HAPPENING BACKWARDS. Like if El broke up with him, we’d see her character development first then his. But if Mike broke up first, we’d see his character development first. If mike broke up first it’d be: break up, then Mike’s first phase of his character development, then El’s first phase, then Mike’s, then El’s, etc.

Or if El broke up first it’d be: break up, then El’s first phase of her character development, then mike’s first phase, then El’s, then Mike’s, etc.

Ofc it’s not gonna be like that all the time, I mean u gotta have cuts in between it happening. Like in s4 the Cali gang were having their story development while El’s was going on so kinda like that I think. Kinda like it’s always been in this show🤷🏽‍♀️ atp I’m just yapping BUT YEA I think I’m going in circles and not making sense at all but in my defense is 1:27 am and I couldn’t stop thinking abt Byler and El soooooo ye

Conclusion: I hope El breaks up with him first cuz girl power and I just love her

A LOT

and this post is kinda pointless ngl😭 but it’s late and I’m tired so it’s fine

What a beautiful girl 😭❤️

[homosexualasstransbian]

im transfem/nonbinary and honestly the whole cutesy uwu anime girl puppy girl aesthetic is making me feel ill. i recently got harrassed by a cis woman chaser who saw the transflag in my bio and started talking to me in this really weird overly cutesy way and started flirting with me, i told her im taken and not interested and this is weird and she said something like "oki u silly transie, if u ever need a girly to do something for you im here, cuz nornal girls are boring" and then the next day she sent me some image of some anime girl w/ the caption "im not like other girls, i have a massive cock" and asked "this u?" and she was so weird and gross and overly cutesy. and like the fact im trans is part of me and im proud of it but i want to be seen as me, as a person, as smthn beyond arbitrary boxes. thats why im nonbinary, i dont wanna be forced into some made up vague perception of how i have to be and instead just be me and do my own thing. i dont label my sexuality either but im pretty sure im like pretty aromantic. greyromantic or whatever its called. and my sexuality i kinda tie together with my romantic attraction, so its often incredibly odd to me how prevalent sexual language and stuff is online and how weirdly its treated as smthn normal, especially in more queer communities. and when i feel terrible and get support online, ppl will say ooo ur pretty ooo ur cute dont be sad and downplay it when i need someone to talk to qnd need to be acknoledged beyond how i physically am, it makes me feel rlly objectified and like my only value is in the fact that i am trans and how i look, and its my only thing and the only way ppl refer to me and boil me down to. but i dont want to be some cutesy meme girl, i want ppl to acknowledge me and what i do and like and love and enjoy and hate and dislike and think and say, i want to be seen and understood regardless of and beyond my transness. because im a raw, living breathing human person thats infinitely complex, and i just wanna be me and do what i enjoy. i dont want my personality boiled down to superficial aspects of me that exists solely because outside society needed a label for it to ostrasize or fetishize it. im sorry for the long rant its just rlly frustrating, especially when you try to find communities and its just so weirdly sexual and condescending and objectifying 😭

hey unfortunately, i do not have the mental capacity to be able to read all of this and actually respond to it, i just lose 80% of the ask once I'm finished reading, so I'll just say: damn fuck that cis bitch.

While i get that after your experiences this "aesthetic" might make you feel ill, i really don't see why i should be told this.

I do not choose the way i present to other people because it's what i feel i should look or act like, i act however feels good to me. the reason my blog looks like this is because, put simply, i like it.

I may not be just a puppy, girl or gay, in fact the most accurate way to describe me would be "thing that should not be alive as far as anyone knows, but it persists, it's also a puppy that is a girl, a robot, a void and divine flesh"

but i go with my current aesthetic, username, and whatever else because they're the descriptions I'm most confident in, they make me feel nice, i love them.

I am quite literally a tranny girl faggot that acts like a puppy sometimes.

Sometimes i feel like I'm a shattered vessel built of divine flesh that's empty and yet so completely full.

Sometimes i wish my flesh melted away, permanently fusing me with the outer shell of a mech.

None of my identities are fully separate or stable, but they also feel distinct enough that i only choose one at a time (and even then sometimes they can split apart).

I don't act like this because i wanna be "haha silly cute trans girl that's an adorable puppy and is so so overly sexual", it's just what i act like, in general, if I don't worry about pretending to be someone else.

I guess put simply: if you don't like me: fucking leave, block me, get rid of me, i won't hold it against you, I'll continue to do what i like, the way i like doing it, because this is my blog.

i forgot where i was going with this post, y'all just get this really long one i guess.

[papers4me]

Stop hating kagura! Tohru needed a slap to wake up & stop being emo. We all do. Kagura's violence is how she react with others. She loves kyo so much & she hits him plenty. She's strong because she's giving up on kyo for his own good.

hi.

First, I don’t think ppl need to be hit to “ wake up”. kindly, don’t take kagura’s behavior as an example. Also, tohru isn’t emo, she’s a traumatized child with issues not lesser than yuki’s or Isuzu.

Secondly, I don’t hate kagura at all. hating fictional character is a wasted energy cuz they’re not real. They are the product of the writer’s imagination. These characters ( especially secondary characters) are created to either further the plot, convey a theme, as a parallel to another character, side love interest, to push the MC into action). I might not like what the author intends to do with them but I don’t hate the characters themselves , nor the author themselves.

It is fine to call a character’s behavior out. Calling them out depends on the way you digest the fiction or your interest, or your own real life principles or even your preference! you can like a character that contradicts your real life principles & make them your ultimate fave character cuz fiction is where we escape to. Fiction is what you as a person wants it to be. This is why, I never understood when fans ask others to shut up & appreciate the fictional story without personal preference whether anime, film, novels or series. ppl consume & digest fiction differently cuz we are individually different despite our similarities & that's part of why human are amazing. Back to kagura:

Viewing others from personal perspective vs being compassionate:

Kagura looked at tohru as someone who has what she she can’t: kyo’s love. from her perspective tohru shuld be grateful for the bless of having reciprocated love as kahura is suffering from the pains of one-sided love. Kagura’s pain won’t go away simply cuz kyo said: thank you, but I don’t feel the same, sorry. It is logical that she needs time to heal & watching kyo & tohru in a relationship would help her to move on. Kagura’s whole journey was abt being selfish & looking at kyo to feel better abt herself. If I’m with the monster, then I’m not a bad person, She wanted to be Beauty & the Beast. Her confrontation with kyo, helped her move on from that, she ended yo loving him for himself, but alas, he doesn’t see her as a lover. Kagura pushing tohru to love kyo is supposed to be kagura learning to be selfless & caring for others than herself. Her words are excellent but her attitude isn’t. Hitting tohru takes kagura back to step one again: seeing ONLY her own pain. from kagura’s eyes, tohru being with kyo is a bless that would make them both happy. So, be together already, you fools~ I’ll make you even if I have to hit you. Problem: Tohru’s pain isn’t exclusively romantic pining pain like kagura’s. It is a complex trauma that many don’t appreciate how deep it is (thanks anime for making tohru’s background story super quick! -_-’’). She has a huge crippling fear of forgetting her mom. She’s been lonely since childhood! her first friends are Arisa & hana when she was a pre-teen in Junior high school. Moreover, being hit by kagura, didn’t heal tohru, she tried to confess to kyo & guess what stopped her? Her mom’s memory. Meaning Tohru has issues that love can’t heal magically. Also, violence shouldn’be be a character’s trait. I wish kagura has a sub-plot to learn to master it! perhaps in the manga? =D. That would be awesome!

-Violence In furuba:

I treat fiction as what it presented itself to be. School Rumble is solely comedy, so its violence doesn’t bother me. Harima gets hit every ep & I laugh at him. Furuba is part comedy, yes. but it wants its characters trauma’s to be taken seriously. Violence is used to make you feel for Kisa, Isuzu, yuki, & others. But it is also fun & light comedy when it comes to kyo being hit or the fanclub girls bullying tohru. laugh~ laugh~. Suicide is presented in furuba as tragically as it really is. Kyo’s mom did it & it wrecked kyo. but it also a comic gag with Ritsu & the editor lady. I can’t accept both presentations in one fiction. Either Violence is bad or comic gag. Presenting both ways, lessen the other. & don’t get me started on violence heals! if love can’t magically heal, why should violence?

It is okay to criticize this writing aspect in furuba. It doesn’t mean the writer is bad. It means the writer is human with their own perspective on things. I share some & despise others. Yes, with violence double usage in furuba, I’mma use the words despise. It fits how I feel abt violence. Still, I adore furuba so much. Some of the writing elements are extraordinary to me! such as its realistic depiction of trauma & child abuse, the heart tugging depiction of romantic slow burns! seriously the last time I felt this much for a slow burn romance was in Pride & prejudice! You scream, get together already!!!! but it is amazing cuz they logically can’t for reasons bigger than pining love! it is hella entertaining!

Thank you for the ask! I enjoyed it<3

[cultofstan]

My love for Bane!!

Before you read, I want to make it clear that there are some nsfw parts to this posts. If you are under 18, please don't read!

This post will go over various details and reasons why my heart belongs to the big green giant know as Bane from Batman and Robin (1997). Get ready for a long read, because I've got a lot to say.

(If you haven't check out my Bane Wallpapers, go do check them out! They bring me so much joy, I hope they do the same for you ppl too!)

His mask is very cool and unique, because if you look closer you see they used Bane's comic book mask as a base and then just changed the mouth area and added black eye pieces on top of the red piece he normally sees out of. Imo, it is the best movie Bane mask we have ever had! A lot of people hate the multiple tubes coming out of his head, but I think it makes things extra spicy! A constant reminder that your not just dealing with any normal super human, you dealing with a venom infused one that can fight you like it's nothing! The bulging veins that can be seen in certain lighting is a detail I feel deserves more love. It adds to his big and tough demeanor. You can really tell the venom is working wonders on him! The zipper on the top of the head and the fact that his mask is most likely made of tight leather or latex brings thr entire thing together and is truly a marvel to look at! I absolute love it!💚Imagining him slick that smooth, stretchy, husky mask on while the venom starts to pump into his brain and muscles just does things to me. If Bane offered me a chance to wear it, venom or not, I would do it in a heart beat! It would probably reek of sweat, his bad breath, and of old leather, but I wouldn't care. Just the thought of inhale all those smells brings me a joy I can't describe! 😍

When I was a kid, in addition to his lovely mask, his clothing choice was another thing I loved about him. It looks like Bane is just wearing a black cotton tank top with some black sturdy pants, but I've always the headcannon that it's actually very flexible black latex one piece! It makes a lot more sense when you notice his collar, chest harness, wrist bands, crotch diaper, and boots are also make out of a harder leather with spikes and studs! I swear, half of my clothing choices/dreams come from this man! His boots, for the most part, are very frankenstein/gothic inspired with thick sole and it going all the way to his knees. The copper rivets are the only things that make them stand out, imo. I've had thoughts were in order to prove my love to him I have to lick or kiss his boots while he judges. I'd hate it for the most part, because they probably taste like dirty and dust, but I want him to know that I do love him, so I'd do small smooches starting from his toes and work my way up his leg until I'm straight up licking his boots. I'd get so carried away he'd probably make me stop pretty quickly so I don't get sick 😂. His spiked collar and wrist bands are easily the clothing items I want the most! Any time I see someone on the street with spikes in their clothing I immediately think about him. Because he's worn them for so long, they're probably not that tight or rough but still firm enough to not sag. Maybe even a little flaky in certain parts. I don't think I'm comfortable with myself enough to wear a collar in public but I've come so close to buying spiky wrist bands or gauntlets it's crazy I don't actually own a pair yet. One day, I'm sure. His crotch diaper, for lack of a better name for it, is the one thing I'm 50/50 on. Some days I think it really adds to his look, especially with the spikes that go out. Plus, to a certain extent, it makes practical sense because that way heroes cant go from behind his and try to restrain him, or can't throw too many kicks, without getting poked/cut by the spikes. But other days I think it just doesnt look that great, because it ultimatly looks like a big metal diaper, it takes away from his intimidation. Plus, I won't be able to give him proper hugs! (I want to give daddy all the hugs he deserves! 💚) His chest piece is what brings everything together. The little Bane symbol is so cute, I've always looked for a pin or something to buy but no luck. I actually used to have this Bane cape that I won at Six Flags when I was little. I cut the symbol of his face out of it and tried multiple times to attach it to my jean jackets but I suck at sowing. 🥲 The leather straps that hold the chest piece compliment the other leather pieces of his outfit. The metal looking chest piece looks wonderful and adds a layer to his character that I both love and hate. In this movie he's a drone, a mindless agent that is only allowed to follow orders. I'll will discuss this in a bit. But for the record, I hate the fact that Bane is written as big dumb idiot in this movie. It's the one big problem I have with him, which sucks because I literally love everything else about him!

I've probably watch the Bane transformation scene in Batman and Robin, like, a thousand times. No joke. I didn't realize it then, but seeing a short, thin, twink become a tall, hulking, king really hit my desires in the right way. Like, now, I know for sure that's one of my kinks and it makes me so damn happy! Granted, I've never been skinny in my life, but I've always wanted to be a musclar and strong man, so it makes sense why I love this scene so much. It's a literally fantasy of mine brought to life! More specifically, I've always wanted to be a type of strong that allows me to run miles like it's nothing, throw punches that instantly knock someone out, and lift so much weight that I borderline have a superhero body. Don't get me wrong, this is seriously mentally unhealthy because I know it's kind of impossible considering my personality and the actuality of gaining so much muscle, but I believe as long as I realize it's a dream and not beat myself up over it, it's not too bad of a thought to have. Actually, if you think about it, this Bane is kind of a plus size body representation. Sure he's got giant arms that can crush my bones like tooth pics, but he's pretty bulky with a big belly. That might be too much of a stretch to say, and I totally understand if people don't agree with. That being said, I have to say it, this man probably gives the best hugs in all of Gotham! He's so big that you don't even need a jacket in the house! Just let him embrace you and you'll never feel alone or cold again! His thick hands holding you in really tight, his muscles locking you in and warming your arms, while his gut pushes you back a little of your feet, like he wants to swoop you into his arms and carry you! 🥰 He'd be careful with his spikes of course, don't worry. A detail that sends me over the moon about Bane in this movie is his green skin. I can't put my finger on it, but it really adds to the whole transformation and therefore my thirst for him grows even bigger! Especially because it's completely unique to the movie. It looks so good that I wonder why the comics haven't adopted something similar.

I could go for hours about how I think the writers butchered Bane's character in this movie, but I want this post to mainly act as a positive appreciation post/background for head cannons that I might post about him one day. So to end, and give a taste, I'll finally talk about Bane being a drone in this movie. In weird way, because he's played as a mindless servent, it makes this version of Bane one of the easier Bane's for me to fantasies about. This is because in the movie, it's implied Bane only follows Poison Ivy because she was the first person he didn't see as a threat. Plus, I wouldn't be surprised if she used some of her suductive powers on him. (I would too, just saying) So, with that established, I like that he's a mindless drone because it means that, in my head, he's not exactly my "servant" but he will basically do whatever I say. Why? Because I will prove to him I not a threat either, and only want to love him!! He'll have a concuious and his own goals, and I'll follow along and help because I trust him and want to support him, but, for the most part, he will do what I say and love me in return. I could explain this more, but I want to save the juicy parts for the follow up post I have planned for this. 😏

If you've read this far, thank you. From the bottom of my hear. I've never wrote something this personal or long. I hope I can continue to do more of these, if I'm passionate enough.

[reversecreek]

snickers feverishly at myself for bringing in a 5th... who do i think i am? unstoppable? invincible? suddenly ripples my titanium plated pecs. maybe so. u can find her pinterest here n her playlist here. 

* margaret qualley, cis female + she/her  | you know bradley milligan, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of their life? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to looking for knives by dyan like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole snow angels trampled through by your father’s footprints, casually reading a newspaper that’s catching flame & stubbing a cigarette against the wing mirror of a parked cop car thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is november 11th, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt she/her  )

HISTORY:

bradley has this memory of meeting her grandmother for the first time n everything in the room was frozen still. even the air. she didn’t feel like she cld move n she got the impression this is how it’d always been in the milligan lineage. the only thing that was allowed to act of it’s own accord was her grandmother’s eyes as she tracked every slightest flinch of muscle. when her father left the room her grandmother reached out and took bradley’s hand n bradley looked at this like it was smthn she’d never seen before until her grandmother leaned close and all she could stare at was a nicotine stain on one of her front teeth. “he’s cold, isn’t he? he’s always been cold. i don’t think he’s mine.” bradley could tell from how tight she held her hand that he was. she could tell by the way she smiled as she said it, too. the way she felt obliged to smile back.

growing up in a huge white house in aquila drive w pruned hedges sounds idyllic n looks it too. swanky cars w tinted windows in the long driveway. always men filing in and out under the cloak of night wearing expensive suits n smiles worthy of a politician’s billboard. bradley’s mum alyssa thought so too n that’s hw she got into this whole mess tbh. tony milligan is very good at advertising. he cld package a jarred human heart as strawberry jam and convince u to spread it on ur toast if he wanted to. he could make u smile politely as u ate ur own. 

alyssa ws this very pretty blonde kind of mysterious presence in a room. everyone wanted to kno her story or fk her but noone rly treated her like a person more just like a puzzle to solve. john green syndrome alert..... literally manic pixie dream girled bt on turbo charge. there were vague whispers she’d run away from home when she appeared in town out of nowhere bt nothing concrete. tony decided he wanted to crack the case n once he set his mind to something there was no changing it. they wound up embroiled in a whirlwind romance. head over heels. he came at romance hard and fast as a freight train. alyssa knew he was into shady things but not quite the full extent of it n honestly she didn’t care bc she wanted security n a family to call her own n tony promised that. they were married within a year. 

tony came frm money bt he wanted to carve his own path n make his own legacy. destined fr greatness he’d tell her. we’re destined for greatness. it sounds nice doesn’t it! alyssa thought so too.

(drugs mention tw) slowly over the yrs he essentially forged his own crime organisation tht only grew. he opened a strip club down the seedier side of irving called ‘no angels’ n this became the front thru which his gang ran drugs in the back (predominantly coke n they pride themselves fr having a Superior Blend apparently) as well as laundering cash n this also was kind of their home base to hang

(abuse tw) their marriage increasingly lost it’s shine n alyssa came to realise she’d been sold a lie n she didn’t rly know this person or what he was capable of right around the time bradley was born. by then it was kind of like Wow i am rly in this n there is not an exit door huh. i won’t go into details bt things were not good at all. bradley witnessed n experienced a lot of things she shouldn’t have growing up. she didn’t understand why other kids drew home in all these different coloured crayons like they were bright places to be. she didn’t understand why everyone got so excited when the bell rang at the end of the day bc she just felt sick. she rationalised tht this was normal when she was younger bc sometimes kids talked abt the monsters under their beds giving them nightmares n she thought mayb they were talking abt their dads too. as she got older she realised tht actually her world wasn’t the same as anyone else’s n she also realised no-one wld ever be able to tell her why. she started becoming friends with the angry feeling in her chest tht she used to try and swallow around this time. often she’d wander the mall for a while to put off going home. smoke on random park benches. watch trains rattle thru town from the vantage point of a random rooftop. 

(abuse, missing person implied, murder implied & grief tw) when bradley was 12 she woke up and all of her mum’s clothes were gone frm their drawers. no shoes anywhere. a framed photo of them at the beach holding bradley as a baby vanished from over the mantelpiece. when bradley asked her dad what was going on, tony essentially said “it was exhausting her. being here. being your mother. she didn’t want to do it any more, so now she’s gone” n then he hugged her. little details leaked into the mix over the yrs. at one point tony dismissed her as having flown overseas to a foreign country to drink in the sun like she’d always wanted even tho alyssa always told bradley she liked the snow best (once she even walked outside as it fell in a thin lace nightgown when tony was out n when bradley said “mom you’re gonna get cold” she only tugged her down and made her do snow angels until her lips looked blue). the most significant memory bradley can never shake from her head is her mother cupping a yellow tulip at the park n saying she hated them. when bradley asked why she only turned and smiled at her as she stroked the hair from her face n then said “because they look so happy”. after bradley’s mum vanished a long flower bed at the bottom of the garden was suddenly overrun with dozens of freshly planted yellow tulips. whenever bradley looked at them out of her window she got this sickly feeling in the pit of her stomach like she was visiting a cemetery. she suspected what had happened to her mum (especially as rumours circulated within tony’s organisation abt alyssa being unfaithful with someone tht used to work fr him) bt she cld never bring herself to truly accept it. thus she ws stuck in this strange purgatory state of not-quite-anger at her mum for “leaving” and not-quite-grief.

bradley rly started to transgress in school after her mum was gone. alyssa was always kind of a character when she’d pick bradley up (wasn’t doing well n acted kind of ‘eccentric’ i suppose u cld say) so tony managed to spin it all as a child acting out in the wake of an unfit mother uprooting n abandoning. bradley became........ interesting. JKHGFSSKJGHFSGHSKFGHFG. she’d snap n resort to violence very easily. very desensitised to it. students were kind of scared of her tbh. as this progressed into proper high school she got in w the more rowdy popular crowd solely bc she was so fking.... wild for lack of a better word. rly would just do anything fr the thrill. had no sense of ‘i shouldn’t do this bc it’s dangerous’. partied harder than anyone. bit back harder than anyone. no filter. hung w a lot of guys honestly bc they had less morals n either found her scariness cool or wanted to fk <3

(hospitalisation, depression & drugs tw) she’s had. a few stints in psychiatric institutions fr various reasons tbh. missed a small chunk of her senior yr fr this but it wasn’t widely known just kind of rumoured. she showcases a lot of similar symptoms to her mum who struggled w severe depression (which was difficult to cope w when ur husband was often pouring ur prescription down the drain fr kicks) n in order to compensate fr the lows she takes a lot of things to kick them into highs. drinks n snorts too much. bradley i love u bt i’m begging u to seek healthier coping mechanisms......

as the yrs went on (especially once alyssa had gone) tony rly started trying to integrate bradley into the business side of things...... she literally. is named bradley bc he was expecting a boy n he was like well let’s still call her bradley. n had in mind she’d still fulfil the role he wanted her to of being his little protege so to speak.... both sexist n ugly all in one fell swoop...... an example of this is he literally. bought her a mint green switchblade for her 14th birthday n named it tinkerbell bc it would “die without attention” aka using it. tht sounds like a healthy gift to give a child tony congratulations sis <3

in an ideal world bradley wld have gone to uni to study psychology bc she jst wants to know how the fk her dad is literally like that bt she probably stuck around n is now managing no angels along with billy n marco (billy’s in her dad’s gang n is, u guessed it, a cunt, n marco is his sort of right hand man so to speak) bc tony’s in the closest neighbouring city overseeing a second ‘no angels’ opening up there to expand into a franchise n widen their income margins. bradley wld also be sort of used as a honey trap type deal once she got older if they needed to lure ppl places n sometimes still is bt it depends. the guys in the club all know not to mess w bradley bc she’s tony’s daughter n literally kind of scary herself sometimes bt there’s also this certain allure tht comes with being the boss’ daughter n it kind of comes across in how they act or talk abt her. yes i will kill them all n no i won’t feel bad abt it <3

think that’s kind of all u need to kno history wise... blinks one eye out of sync w the other..... runs to personality

PERSONALITY:

a phrase i wld always use to describe bradley in old intros is “like a cup of black coffee with one grain of sugar that u don’t taste until the last sip”. also dark chocolate. lime. liquorice. she’s an acquired taste n i feel like u either love her or u hate her. 

cannot express how unpredictably chaotic she is..... frequently throws a drink in a stranger’s face jst to start something bc she’s bored. loves to hurl cheese slices across the room so they slap onto someone’s face out of nowhere. likes smashing things. stubbing cigarettes out on faces in framed family photographs. will literally pick a lock n then smash the window besides it to defeat the whole purpose just bc she found how neat it was boring. does anything fr the adrenaline n thrill. gets into far too many fights n fights dirty. probably been thrown out of every bar in town at least three times. banned from a bunch too.

she’s witty bt she has a dark sense of humour..... can be quite mean.......... loves to roast ppl for no reason........ honestly has some nathan young frm misfits aspects in that sense like jst seems untouchable emotionally n like she doesn’t take anything seriously n is fking outrageous about it.....

has this quality abt her tht kind of scares herself sometimes. it’s like she recognises parts of her dad in her. she’s very perceptive (bc she’s had to be over the yrs trying to read every micro-expression of her dad’s to predict what’s next) n like emotionally intelligent in a way which is ironic bc her own emotions r just an absolute minefield.... bt. she can read people quite well. gets this eerily calm look abt her sometimes n it’s jst like god what’s. she thinking. what’s she’s gna do. i’m shaking. a cool n controlled kind of rage can often be scarier than the explosive type n bradley does that well. grits my teeth n tugs on my collar....

very strong on the surface. hates being vulnerable. has this ingrained idea that crying is childish or rly any kind of emotional display within herself. 50% not taking things seriously 50% angry. tht’s how she comes across....... internally? whole different story. bt ppl don’t see that.

very cavalier abt some things. will flash her tits n not even think abt it. jst very out there...... one of her closest friends is a homeless man named joe who wears neon purple fishnets on his head n loves to spit on ppl from over an underpass. finds eccentric ppl like this funny n surrounds herself w them. loves to be kept on her toes.

LOVES driving stolen cars down the wrong side of the highway. it’s a lot.

fiercely loyal to a fault to a select few bt if u wrong her personally this can switch pretty quick. quite a force to b reckoned w n will hold a grudge. bt like. if ur a Chosen One she’d bury a body for u no questions asked. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS

deals to u: bradley isn’t like full time into dealing bt she does do it sometimes.... treats it kind of like a hobby bc the lesser ranked can do tht shit as far as she’s concerned bt.. sometimes also jst gets bored n is like. why not. might be chaotic. mayb they’ll try to rob me <3 we love the thrill <3 or like..... if ur friends w her she’ll deal to u n no she will not do a friends discount <3 or if she does there will definitely be some sort of stipulation attached <3

high skl crew: if ur muse is local n ws an absolutely demonic hell spawn in high skl tht went to 1974547254 parties n was outrageously chaotic n rude then. bradley probably was friends w them <3 her friendships tend to be surface level bt they’d definitely go out a bunch bt whether they actually knew a lot abt her life is debatable bt we could explore options fr this

people who work at no angels: no angels is her dad’s strip club in irving that she kind of helps to run now. it’s kind of a shifty environment. the place where ud have an outrageous bachelor party. u go for the first time w a fake id n u get served bt u also get ur wallet stolen n ur convinced someone spat in ur drink n u also kind of think there might b a hit on u now after u made eye contact too long w a broad shouldered man smoking in a back booth. scary environment. testament to her dad as a person. maybe ur muse is a dancer there or works the bar or security or whatever u name it....

ma’am are u ok?: ur muse found bradley passed out across two bus seats one time in smudged dark eyeliner a silver slip dress n the world’s chunkiest combat boots this town hs ever seen. sometimes she winds up in spots like this when she goes too hard n it’s absolutely dangerous n reckless bt that’s jst bradley <3 mayb they forged an unlikely friendship frm this strange meeting or maybe even? dare i say it? a romance? opposite worlds colliding? good influence? let’s go crazy. release ur inhibitions. feel the rain on ur skin.

hook-ups: bradley’s cavalier abt this stuff..... very unemotional typically..... mayb we cld do an unrequited thing that wld be angsty n fun altho i won’t lie i don’t kno if she’d be the one to catch the feelings.... she rarely sleeps over bt once when she woke up in someone’s bed she hiked over to straddle them carefully as possible so they wldn’t wake up n then pressed her knife to their neck as a fun little surprise where she said boo when they opened their eyes.... she’s a lot clearly.

watermelon slugger, hiiii: bradley has this habit where she gets a bunch of watermelons n then goes to a rooftop n throws them over the edge to watch them explode when they hit the pavement.... maybe ur muse almost got hit by one once n were like WTF???????? another quirky meet cute moment like the bus one <3 can’t stop w them <3 maybe she randomly invited ur muse to do it w her when they were like. a stranger of f the street. she was bored. decided to adopt them as a science experiment. we cn elaborate on this probably....

ouch charlie: similar territory bt she also sometimes shoots pedestrians w a bb gun from rooftops. mayb ur muse wld always get hit by one on a certain route they walked n finally one day they saw her head ducking down behind a ledge n then they see her in the street one day n are like HEY IT’S YOU............. WTF? n bradley’s like ya i’m christ risen again it’s a lot to take in i know...

rly jst anything... mutually destructive friends... exes.... in one rp a character tried to get close to bradley so he cld write an expose all book about her n her family which i found so fking funny so i’ll request that again.... people she’s fought.... ppl whose gf/bf she’s fk’d n it’s caused enemy status.... someone whose place she broke into and shaved their eyebrows off in the night only to draw them on again in crudely thin permanent sharpie lines.... roommates cld be fun n sexy i’d love that actually.... jst anything rly. go wild. kisses everyone tenderly on cheeks.

[luvdsc]

Hey Cat!! I hope you're doing well as always ! 💖 AHHHH huhu I closed the form last Sunday since I've collected enough responses dy! (NOOOOOOOO ToT) I got a total of 221 responses at the end of the week, which is 3x the amount I initially needed! :o I'm beyond grateful and appreciative ToT I've cleaned the data and have proceeded to run some data analysis, but I ran into an issue whereby the scores on the subscales are equal (it has never been reported in past studies! :O) so I'm waiting for my supervisor's feedback on how to proceed. Hopefully it's nothing too serious ToT

Hehe finance is interesting indeed! I just started reading a book on finance for young adults (Rich Dad Poor Dad) and I look forward to learning more from the author's tips! The Coursera introductory course has also made financial terms a lil more familiar, even though it's just the basics and it's really helped w my financial literacy 🥺 I can push myself to study but it's also the numbers and calculations I'm worried of cuz I am rly a nong (idiot) when it comes to numbers * - * it runs in the genes I guess AHAHAHAHA my mom and sister aren't good at numbers either keke

Aww I'm glad yr professor made financial accounting enjoyable and a fruitful experience for you! Some lecturers / professors rly just have that spark in them to inspire ppl and I'm blessed to be surrounded by a bunch of em in the psych department!🥺😭 it truly makes a difference and I'm sure we both are living proofs of that!

After debating for a while, I've decided not to take a minor mainly because I'm so tired HAHAHAHAHAHA and I'll just do my own self-studying and exploration whilst working! Go out and explore the world, live life! Whilst ironically still staying in my room because of the COVID-19 situation in our country (cases are abt 20+k every day :') ) My proposal has been finalized and it's been accepted! It's just that some elements of my proposal is also part of my actual report, so I have some guidance to refer to in terms of structure! :3 and yes don't worry! I got plenty (sometimes a lil too much) rest during the sem break whilst remaining productive! Plus, I got to catch up w some friends and had game nights (maybe too much of game nights hehe) and movie nights w my friends which was truly refreshing! Also cuz I might not see a lot of them again after we graduate so we gotta cherish every moment 🥺😭

I'm a freelance graphic designer for my uni's newsletter! Occasionally, they'd ask us to create both the content and design! I'll place the link to my recent work below if you wanna check it out! UwU I'm trying to incorporate the same practices during sem break in my last sem (current sem) too! cuz yes mental health is so so important and I'm just tired of being academically tired you get me? :(

What makes me most trilled abt learning abt psychology is how to apply it in daily life too! I find it so fascinating and awestruck at how relatable and within reach these things are like wow we can be influenced in such ways?? :o can be both good and bad but imma stick w seeing it as the development and evolution of us humans UwU

Also, the vaccine has fixed my sleep schedule HEHE (another perk of getting vaccination :3) I got some rly good rest and managed to reset my usual sleeping time, thank you science ToT oooo I see I see, we've had cases of nurses injecting empty syringes hence the recording :( but GHIOGHWEOGIOHW I could never do that, I can feel the liquid entering me as it is so that's good enough ToT (* plays Love Talk * I can feel it coming)

OMG YOUR ART PIECES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, ADORABLE AND ELEGANT! 💖🥺🥰 it must've required a lot of hard-work and effort AHHH thankiew for showing me yr work!! it's truly unique in its own manner despite it's simplicity UwU is there a reason or backstory to yr chosen theme and objects? :3

I just Googled Somi Somi and omg that's such an UwU ice cream AHHHH 💖🥺😭 ice cream is my fav food of all time and it looks like an ice cream haven omg imagine eating it after a loooong hard day's of work ToT and OMG THE SATISFACTION OF EATING THAI MILK TEA ICE CREAM ON A HOT DAY YASSS 😋🤤 hehe if you get the chance to try milk & biscoff, do try it! It's amazing !😍 and ooo i haven't tried alcoholic ice cream before but I will one day!! :3 my alcohol tolerance is rly low though, will I get tipsy over alcoholic ice cream? We shall see UwU (i can only drink half a bottle of apple cider before my face gets red and I start getting a lil tipsy + headache)

and lovie....knowing yr school schedule now...OURS IS DEFINTELY BRUTAL OMG a 3 month long sem break huhu that's only the total amount of sem breaks we get in a year ToT i thought uni was hard but not that hard ToT

Always glad and honored to have you onboard! and AHAHAHAH the contractions about to start soon 👀 I enjoy talking to you huhu you're such a sweet and supportive person 💖🥺🥰😙 huhu for my period cramps, I've been having them since I was 12 ToT my doctor prescribed me some panadols but sometimes I can't even swallow them cuz I'd puke them out ToT I've settled w heatpacks to reduce my reliance on medicine, but I finally got some upgraded and safe to eat medicine from my gynae! She said it's fine to take it every month to keep my womb healthy and apparently my ms. lil uterus is suffering from inflammation, hence the super crazy bedridden cramps :( the upgraded medicine worked for a while, but after time it kinda didn't help either :/ but I realised that exercise rly does wonders to reduce the cramp too (gynae also recommended exercising) so i take walks and do my back stretches more frequently now! my period in the previous months (2 months ago) have been almost painless and bearable, it's so weird not seeing my bedridden ._. when I was in high school, there would always be a day in every month in which I don't attend classes, and that's solely because of my cramps. It just isn't worth suffering in school, plus we don't have a sick room :/ I hope the pain continues to subside! ToT

And ayy internship is also working experience, yr advice would be of great help to me regardless! 🥺 oh yes, I always remind myself that interviews are similar to the speaking test I took for my Cambridge English exams! That kinda help calm my nerves down a lil, but w nerves comes bigger smiles, so I guess it takes on a rather practical form of coping mechanism (sublimation) AHAHAHAHA

WAAAA WHAT A QUEEN you got an offer from every interview?? I aspire to be like you! 💖🥺🥰 huhu skill wise I believe I have lots to prepare esp in terms of case studies, and I perform rly poorly on certain assessments (*ehem * esp those concerning numbers) so I took the chance to study a lil during sem break too ToT but noted on that! I will work on that too and try to maintain that me element in interviews and overall just be myself keke

That's all from me for now! Imma wait for my supervisor's feedback and journey on w my last semester. Bon voyage! Link to my recent work: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTBqGzjr6sN/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Other works: https://www.instagram.com/p/CPpv-IyM7Gi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link https://www.instagram.com/p/CL55EG-MbL2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

hi hello honey bee !!! 💓 omg i'm so sorry for the belated response, i finally got on my laptop 😭 i'm gonna put my response under the cut since it got a little long 🤧

omg 221 responses !!!!! that's so many 🙀 congratulations aaaaa it's amazing that you were able to get 3x the data you needed !!! was it difficult to run data analysis? were you able to solve the issue with the equal scores on the subscales? i hope it didn't create too much additional work for you ):

omg yes finance is really interesting! i enjoyed the classes i took for it :') how is rich dad poor dad? did you learn a lot from it? i know it was a book my prof recommended, but i never got around to reading it 😶 did you learn any helpful tips? and ooo i'll have to look into coursera! yeah, there's quite a lot of terms for finance, and it can be a little intimidating paired with all the math formulas and such, but it's pretty useful imo! how are your financial studies going so far? 💕 omg nong is such a cute word?? i would never think it meant idiot asdkfhlkajsdf omg my whole family is good at numbers and really like math, but i didn't like it 😭 my mom made me study it a lot everyday though rip are the financial calculations getting easier for you as you practice more hopefully?

yessss omg i absolutely agree with this!!!! like you can just feel when a professor loves to teach and is genuinely so excited to talk about their subject, and it just makes the most boring horrible subject into something you learn to enjoy and hate less :') and i'm really happy to hear you have tons of professors like that in the psych department 🥺💗

that's great to hear!!!! 🌷🌷 i'm glad that you're prioritizing yourself and your health, which is so much more important than taking on a minor. what fun subjects have you decided to explore and self study so far? 💞 oh my gosh, the rising cases are so high?? i hope it's gotten better there for you ): are you able to go outside yet?

big congratulations on your proposal being finalized and accepted, lovebug !!!! 🥳🥳 i'm very proud of you and hoping one day i can read your published studies in a scientific journal :') aaaa i'm so glad to hear that you got to rest and enjoy your time with your friends!! i definitely feel that omg i regret all the times i skipped out on movie nights or game nights with my friends because now we're all scattered across the country and the only way we can have them again is over zoom calls 🤧

I SAW YOUR DESIGNS AND THEY'RE GORGEOUS OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH !!!! 💖 I'M IN AWE AAAA IF PSYCH DOESN'T WORK OUT, I HOPE YOU BECOME A GRAPHIC DESIGNER 🤩🤩💖 and yes i totally get it ): i really felt the academic burn out when i was in college and it was really difficult at times 🤧 but i hope it's going better for you nowadays, sweetpea 💝💝

omg yeah i absolutely agree !!!! whenever i read about psychology, i keep it in the back of my mind and then when i see something irl that relates to it, i'm like :O amazing. it's so cool to learn about different psych tricks too and see how it works when you test them out yourself and whatnot. and it's really crazy to see how the human brain is so easily influenced at times ??? it truly is an amazing subject !!!

ah what a great side benefit of the vaccine - a better sleep schedule 🤩 i'm happy to hear that your schedule has been fixed 💘 and omg what ??? they're injecting empty syringes wth ????? 😭 that's absolutely horrible, are they getting sued?? lmaooooo that love talk reference askdfhlaksjd

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR KIND COMPLIMENTS 😭😭💗💗 there were many late hours spent in the art studio to finish them, but i'm really happy with the end products :') i thought light bulbs are an interesting subject to do, and my prof said that cutting out circular objects or sculpting them is the most difficult since they're made up curves and not straight lines and i was like ok bet i'm gonna do it aND I'M SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THEM 🥺 and i love honey bees !!! that's why i decided to paint them and we were supposed to paint them in a combined style of two artists so i tried monet's impressionist style with the short brush strokes and pop art triptych style like marjorie strider 💕

somi somi is sooo good and i just had it again a couple weeks ago :') omg ice cream is your favorite food? :o and YES ice cream is so satisfying after a long day of hard work, like it's such a nice reward to look forward to at the end of day ✨ aaaaa i have to try thai milk tea ice cream one day now !!!!! it sounds amazing 🤩 and YES i must look for places that sell milk & biscoff ice cream !! i have milk ice cream from somi somi, but i need to try to combined flavors 💘 i don't think you'll get tipsy over it !!! it's a really faint taste of alcohol, like i didn't even notice it at first, and i don't think they put very much of it in there! aksljdfhals omg you're a lightweight :o at least that means you save money on alcohol LOL i need like nine shots to get drunk 🤧

your school is too hard 😭 you need more than just 3 months of break !!! 😡 we get a week off for thanksgiving in fall semester and a week off for spring break in spring semester too and then the month long winter break and three month summer break. and we have the one day holidays off too like labor day, memorial day, etc. i can't believe they give you so little time off after working so hard???

asdfhlkajshdlksja loool are the contractions over yet? has it been born? what's the current status, doctor? 👀 i really enjoy talking to you too !!! i'm very sorry for the late responses, work is really taking over all of my time, and i never have enough time to get on my laptop to reply to my asks 😭 and thank you for saying such kind things about me 🥺🥺💝 oh my gosh, i'm so sorry to hear that you have such terrible cramps 😭 i can't even imagine going through that - mine are nowhere near as horrible 😖 do the heatpads help a lot? i'm relieved to hear that you were prescribed better medication though! but yeah, your body does eventually get used to the medication and you have to continue taking stronger meds for it to work, but that's not a very healthy solution /: but i'm really glad to hear that exercise has been helping out a lot!! 💖 hurray for almost painless and bearable periods 🥳 i'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that in high school ): that sounds absolutely horrible 😭 periods are just awful, but it's like i'm grateful that i have my period because that means i'm not pregnant, but also please go away aslkhdfaklsj

omg what was the speaking test for the cambridge english exams like? :o it sounds so formal and a lil intimidating askdjfhalsd do you know of any psych tricks that can possibly help calm your nerves? :')

aaaa yes i did !! i was really surprised that i got an offer from them all because at the time, i was not in the right major and i think i was one of the most underqualified applicants 🤧 one person who interviewed me asked why i withdrew from my engr physics class and i explained it in a kinda funny way but in my head, i was like "oof i'm not gonna get this offer anymore" but then he laughed at my response and told me about how his prof told him he should drop a guitar class he was taking because he was doing very poorly and we bonded over that aklsjdhfkals omg how do interviews for psych jobs go? do you have to discuss a lot of case studies? do they give you a list of possible case studies they'll ask about? :o what sort of assessments do you have to do? good luck on all of your interviews, honey bee 💛 i'm rooting for you, you're gonna do amazing !!!! 💘

omg what did your supervisor say about your case study? and how is your last semester going? are you almost done now? 🌸 (also how have you been? what have you been up to? thank you for taking the time to leave such detailed messages for me, i'm really excited to see all the fun updates in your life, lovebug 🌷🌷)

[theharellan]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. tagged by: stolen from @dansiere tagging: @ghiassan, @deathsreflection, @altuspavus, @windrunnerrs (velanna), @hopewrought, @willbeshot, @seahaloed (iron bull), @asterfed​ (noctis), @ anyone who wants to steal it! also multis feel free to choose a different character

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated (i’m open to roleplaying with non-dragon age characters, and have AUs for other fandoms)

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. solas is both wildly popular and wildly hated. he’s been more consistently popular than the controversial women in the series, like sera or vivienne, who have only recently begun to get to the point where their tags are less vitriolic (although i’m sure it’s still out there), but there’s still a sizable hatedom that can’t have his name breathed in their vicinity w/o them talking abt how much they hate him. even if you’re currently cosplaying him!

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. again, you have ppl who are super into him and ppl who think he’s ugly. my personal opinion is that i think he’s weirdly pretty, and wish ppl would commit more to his unconventional features rather than try to chisel him into sb more traditionally attractive and that ppl who don’t find him attractive would maybe chill w/ calling him ugly. find him unattractive by all means, but lets embrace the fact that inquisition let their love interests have skin flaws etc and accept that some won’t be our cups of tea.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. its hard to deny at this point tbh.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK. frustrating as the hate in the tags he has enough fans that i couldnt say he’s underrated w/ a straight face.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO. he’s the reason the game starts with a bang and not the inevitable dissolution of the conclave b/c the sides are disparate.

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. regardless of solas’ relationship with the inquisitor, there are parallels and contrasts in their stories and he also is the reason they survive inquisition.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. fen’harel is well-known and revered, if feared, among the dalish, yet at the same time he’s not remembered for a lot besides locking the gods away-- and the context of that decision has also been lost. as solas he’s relatively unknown until inquisition and especially trespasser.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. again, polarising!! he has loyal agents and people are willing to speak well of him despite everything, including his enemies sometimes (depending mostly on the inquisitor). 

How strictly do you follow canon?  — generally i try to have a canon basis for my interpretation, even if i interpret the text differently than the author.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  solas is an immortal who is simultaneously jaded and very much invested in the small moments of life. far from being weary of the day-to-day lives of ordinary people, it is systems and orders he is most tired of. he walks an interesting line that feels far less misanthropic than other immortal characters i’ve experienced, yet still he’s quite cynical. as a character who has fought against religious based tyranny before, but in a completely different era, he is in a unique position where what he sees around him is both horrifyingly familiar and yet completely new. it allows an exploration of the wrongs of thedas’ society from an outsider’s perspective. his motivations are complex and multifaceted, often condemnable and yet also understandable. his character arc in inquisition (if befriended, or regardless in the case of my solas) takes him from a dispassionate, disconnected antagonist to someone deeply invested in the people of thedas, deeply conflicted and actively hoping he will be proven wrong again. i think his story is a testament to human (or elven, or dwarven, or-) connection and how even when we resist we can’t resist creating bonds with the people in our lives. i personally see this bond going beyond the inquisitor hence why i play low-approval solas as conflicted as high-approval, if not when it comes to the inquisitor.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  solas is selfish and motivated solely by revenge, he’s clinging to a past that clearly no longer exists, if you ignore all the people from it who are still alive. he’s totally unaware of all his flaws and never owns up to any mistakes ever. no, i haven’t listened to a single word solas has said in my life why do you ask. he’s also critical of my faves which means he’s #cancelled, there is clearly no validity to what he’s saying. ksjdf no but in all seriousness i think a lot of reasons ppl don’t find solas interesting are just... weird readings of his character that sometimes have no basis in the text of inquisition, but also there are plenty of perfectly valid reasons to not find him interesting. usually those ppl don’t like... talk abt how much they don’t find him interesting constantly tho. they just chill and aren’t invested in this particular villain. for one thing i think the game missed out on opportunities for exploring how someone who may not have even had a body at the beginning of his existence would feel about gender and sexuality, so making him presumably straight and cis was a boring choice. i also think that the dragon age games being very protagonist-centric hurts solas’ character, there’s no real reason why the inquisitor is the only one who can throw his plans into question but making the player the center of the universe means he’s not allowed to change due to the effects of other companions or NPCs. thank god this is rp and i do what i want.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  i have a history degree so when the inquisition companions were being teased, solas describing bias in primary sources from the memories he’s seen got me interested in him. but my first playthrough i didn’t actually take him with me all too often, i think my main party was dorian-blackwall-varric. i liked him, and i think he or dorian were my first friends in skyhold, but my initial interest was in other characters. between his dialogue that appealed to the historian in me tho and how his spirit opinions sort of turned everything i’d felt about spirits in the last two games on its head, i started vibing with him more the farther i went in. like merrill set me up for the ���spirits are people” thing and solas hit it out of the park. then temple of mythal happened, and i did bring solas with me there. i found his dialogue fascinating and also suspicious, i’d just finished masked empire like the day before da:i came out so i definitely thought solas was an ancient elf in the same vein as felassan. it was after temple of mythal that i actually decided to make his blog, although like as one idk linchpin to cement my status as solas trash... i was hit BAD by the banter bug on my first playthrough, probably got like a dozen banters total. but then at some point late in the game i took solas to the forbidden oasis and he wouldn’t stop talking to people, and i really loved his banter with the rest of my party at the time.

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  replaying inquisition, new DA content when the bioware gods deign to grant us a lifeline, but the biggest thing is my rp partners. i wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the people i write with, new and old. my activity of late hasn’t been the best, work and the summer heat has really been sapping me of energy, and does even during years when we aren’t going through a pandemic. but it’s the thought of my rp partners and love of solas that keeps me coming back.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? i have my doubts sometimes, but i think i do ok.

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / SORT OF? there is no headcanon too small for me.

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO. but not lately * gestures to the low activity * i’ve been in this cycle where i get anxious abt late replies, so prioritise them, then burn myself out and can’t write the fics i want. i’ve had two i’ve been DYING to write tho i just... need to find the space in my brain to let myself.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO. i mean it depends on the day. if i work closing shifts at my store it gets very quiet and boring around 8:30 so i spent the next 90 minutes thinking about character stuff.

Are you confident in your portrayal?  YES / NO / SORT OF? 

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO / SOMETIMES. 

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO / SORTA.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  i’m going to say ‘no’ because like, i don’t ask for criticism. this is a hobby based on my interpretation of a character, if you think i write solas too soft then you’re welcome to think that, but i’m happy with the balance i’ve struck with his internal versus external behaviour and how he changes based upon who he’s speaking to. if you think i’m erasing straight people by making solas pan then ksjdfs. ok.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  yes!!! even if they retread ground already trodden, a) my interpretation may have adjusted since the last time i played or b) a reminder is nice. if it’s new stuff then it’s fun to think about.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  it’d depend on why they disagree. if they just disagree on a subjective opinion about what i took from a certain line, then they’re welcome to their opinion but i don’t necessarily care to hear it. if it is unintentionally hurtful then i would like to know. although rather than a comment i’d rather a non-anonymous message.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  same as the above.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  if they’re vocal about it i typically just unfollow / softblock if i was following in the first place. people can feel how they want about solas, but i’ve found over the years that if people really hate solas ooc it can often bleed into their ic interactions. it’s really weird seeing your character being brought up repeatedly in threads with others specifically to dunk on, for no reason other than i guess solas is living rent free in their heads, so at least we have that in common. but anyway unfollowing is just the best choice to avoid getting kinda pressed if i’m having a bad day.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  roleplay is the wild west of writing, so i think it’d depend on what the error was. coming at me like “you shouldn’t start a sentence with a preposition” would get a laugh, but i don’t edit my replies much if at all and mistakes will 100% happen. pointing out typos is chill so long as you do it politely.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  it depends! i’ve learned that being too easy going actually just means i’m subjecting myself to negative emotions to please people. so i’ve gotten less easy going as the years go by. how does one define “easy going” anyway? does asking that question mean i am objectively not easy going? the longer this thought goes on the more the answer seems to be “probably not,” but i like to think it could be a lot worse.

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

hi u don’t have to post this but i just wanna vent ab the drama earlier cause it’s giving me anxiety and i can’t stop thinking ab it lol. (also ur blog is a very safe place for me and i feel like i’m able to speak safely here ♥️) i feel like everyone has pretty much dropped the whole ordeal but i can’t help but feel irritated by the little jabs that some ppl are making at that blog —

— i feel like it’s been taken too far and these bigger blogs are low key just bull*ing now. like one went as far as to put something in her bio and it just didn’t sit right w me. idk i’m probs just being dramatic but i’m just seeing ppl drag this on with their sorta malicious posts and it’s fucked up cause it’s like everybody’s ganging up on her —

— i just don’t want anybody to be so affected that they delete or something. or i’m just reading too much into little posts and giving myself all this anxiety for no reason lmao. n e ways ty for answering all of your sweet anons. i’m seeing your posts on my dash and it’s making me feel a lot better 🥺

I’d like to preface this response just so this anon knows that I am in no way, shape, or form trying to attack them in any way!!! I’m just attempting to educate on the situation at hand from what I’ve seen!! I’m honored that my blog is a safe space for you and I love you so very much, which is why I’m going to try and explain the circumstances of everything as best as I can 🥺  this is also the one and only post i’m gonna make about this because i want to keep this blog as drama-free and safe as possible and we should all move forward now that it’s been dealt with!!

here are two posts that i feel summarized the point really well

This blog already had a vendetta against the other blogs in question because one of them unfollowed her because the content being posted made her uncomfortable. Unfollowing is valid and it is unproblematic, to be honest!! If you don’t like the content someone is posting, the logical and peaceful move is to unfollow to avoid any future issues.

But the blog that instigated the trouble was angry about it and then piggybacked off this vendetta and tried to call the other two blog racists because apparently they weren’t “posting enough about the BLM movement” and about the current political and societal relations. However, both of the blogs being targeted HAVE posted about the George Floyd situation and have done what they can to spread awareness. The blog that instigated the issue was basically trying to police their participation because apparently it wasn’t up to her standards and she was saying that continuing to post about regular content is some type of crime because everyone’s blogs should just be solely about the cause at this moment. That is the stance she took. She then dragged the other two blogs by saying that posting concepts and harry content is somehow racist because they’re focusing on something other than just the BLM movement.

But the thing is, this situation isn’t a competition. It isn’t a game. This is real, and any amount of awareness and help is valid. Whether you reblog a billion posts or ten, you are still helping spread the movement. As long as your support is provided in one way or another, that’s all that matters.

Anything you do to help the cause is valid and no one should ever discredit the effort others put in because the fact that they’re putting it in is what MATTERS. Giving every waking moment to one cause is difficult and definitely not good for your mental health so it’s okay to take breaks and not be on top of everything 100% of the time. We’re human, not robots. People do what they can to help and let it be known that it counts. Escapism isn’t a crime. It’s okay to want to reblog other things that make you happy and make this time more bearable. It’s okay to post about content that helps you relieve stress because constantly providing your entire soul to a situation this severe can be draining and deteriorating. There is nothing wrong about participating in the movement, spreading awareness, and then taking time to indulge yourself in things that will help keep you sane. It’s what’s right for not only yourself, but for others around you because then you’re helping each other feel better and that is a beautiful and powerful thing.

The blog that started all the drama claimed to be an ally, but then proceeded to tear down black women (aka from the community she is allegedly defending) in the fandom because they disagree with her extreme measures. Then, one of these blogs started receiving hateful, racist comments because she dared speak out against that blog. That’s not right. How DARE YOU try and invalidated the opinion and argument of someone who is directly impacted by what is happening right now. It’s immature and it shows that your argument was never about helping their community, but instead it was to make yourself look better than others because apparently the amount of content you reblog about this topic somehow determines whether you support it or not??? That’s utter crap. ANY amount of content spread about the situation helps. Like I said, whether it’s a few posts or a billion, you are helping either way. And claiming someone is racist is a steep accusation that has to be supported by valid proof, not just “oh well they’re continuing to post regular content so they MUST be racist.” That doesn’t add up!!!!

Helping create a safe space where people can come to take a mental breather shouldn’t be antagonized!!!!

This is why everyone is infuriated. Because a girl tried to use an important societal movement as a tool to fuel her revenge for some petty tumblr drama. She’s not being attacked, she’s facing the consequences for her actions. Things were bad, but they got worse when she had the audacity to discredit the voice of black people who tried to educate her. You can’t claim to be an ally and then tear down the person you claim to be protecting just because they disagreed with you. It’s hypocritical and shows your true intentions.

That’s really all I have to say on it, and I hope I didn’t upset you or anything!! I just wanted to kinda update you on everything and make it clear as to why everything is happening the way it is. I’m always here if you need to talk!!! And I’m truly so happy that me and my anons can make you smile during such a rough time 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 it’s all I could ever want 💞

[theirewolf]

One of the things that I hate about being asexual is that it always makes me feel like the odd one out. My immediate frend group consists of three couples and me. They have all been with there respective partners for 10 or more years. Two couples are married, one is engaged and here I am, alone sense the dawn of time. Don’t get me wrong, I fucking love being alone. When I have the apartment to myself I have full blown conversations with ppl that aren’t there and I sing at the top of my lungs and just overall feel at peace (most of the time anyway). But when our group gets together say, to go out to dinner, I’m the only one on my own check. When we play team games someone always has to sit out because there’s an odd number of ppl. Sometimes I even get the short end of games like when we were playing the voting game once and everyone had to vote for the person most likely to end up with someone who isint born yet and everyone picked me for the sole reason that I was single (or, as someone argued, this person “wasint born yet” as in they were an adult robot and not a human child. like either of those things made me feel great). Being around friends is supposed to make you feel at home when some days I feel like I can only tolerate a couple hours with them because any longer and I start to remember that no one has ever (romantically, family and friends are way fucking different) loved me. A lot of times I can’t escape that feeling because I live with two of the people I’m our group so when there home there together and I just feel like I’m intruding in there life. Sometimes it’s so bad that if I’m out doing something on my own (like I was today, skating and drinking coffee and treating myself) and I come home I will sit in my car for maybe and hour or so before finaly deciding to go inside because I knew they were home and I just wanted to be alone. I’m perfectly fine with being alone but when I’m reminded that there are people who have so easily found someone they can love who loves them it makes me feel so lonely that it’s physically painful. Sometimes I wish I had a group of single friends I could talk to or hang out with but I honestly don’t know that many single people. Even in my other close friend group there aren’t many who are single (like maybe 3) and I don’t get opertunities to hang out with them nearly as much. I know I rant about stuff like this a lot but any other aces feel like this? Any other aces wish they weren’t ace? I do know other aces struggle with wanting a partner but not being attracted to someone enough to date.

[fangroyal]

I feel like the English HP fandom has become more and more toxic over the yrs and with a new scandal popping up every like 30 sec from the creator it doesn't help. It's like ppl will judge you for liking certain things. I'm very grateful to have content producers such as you to still be around posting things and making things. it makes me feel less alone and alienated! also I love your writing. they are very cute makes me very happy. big love!!! Thank you for the great stuff!!

I don’t know why I can only seem to reply to any of these with crying gifs. 😂 But yes, I honestly feel you so, so much on this. I wasn’t sure at first if I wanted to get into it here and now, but I finally decided fuck it, I should be allowed to speak my mind - and I do want my followers to understand my stance! Especially since I haven’t been all that vocal about it (at least not in a Tumblr sense, but definitely in an irl sense, haha).

JKR has never had all that much love from me.

That might be shocking, considering HP has been my top book series - and really my #1 favorite thing pretty much of all time - since they started publishing, when I was about...8 years old? Or so???

But I’ve never been the type of person to automatically have unconditional love for a mainstream creator/actor/artist/etc. just because I really, really love what they create. I understand that they’re still a human being, separate from their work, and while the world they’ve brought to life might captivate me, I might not agree with them outside of it - and might even (in the case of JKR), like...hate them? A lot???

As a queer person, I think it goes without saying that her attacks on our community go beyond just a dumb creator mouthing off on their Twitter for me. I spent much of the time when all of that was going down with her this year in tears and panic attacks, flitting between yelling about how vile she is to me, and just sobbing because I felt like something I love so much was being taken from me.

You see...HP is more than just a book series to me. I’ve been in many times in my life where my love of this series - and my love of this fandom - have been my sole reason to get up in the morning. It’s what’s gotten me through so many hard times. Any of my followers who remember when I got sick a couple years ago might know what I mean...I don’t write as much as I would like anymore, but to be able to just be a part of this fandom at all, to continue supporting other creators and running my fests, brings me so much joy. I’ve kicked JKR out of the fandom in my mind - if I even feel she deserved to be in it in the first place. But like...I can’t rip the Dementor tattoo off my arm, and I’m not in the position to pay $1000s to get it lasered off. I shouldn’t be expected to throw out souvenirs and delete pictures from my own honeymoon just because we spent a day in Universal Hollywood back in 2016 when we were all pretty aware she was a piece of shit, but it wasn’t necessarily as much of a trending topic as it is today. And everyone calling for those kinds of things at the time were so...strange? to me? That they would condemn JKR’s hateful behavior, but then turn and be hateful to others who still love the series.

So yeah. I hate JKR. I condemn every horrible thing she stands for, and will do my best to actively work against it. And that’s not even getting into all the problematic things in the books themselves! But I’m not in a place mentally where I can let HP go. Maybe someday I will be. Maybe not. But either way, know that you will never encounter any hate or judgement from me - I reserve all that for JKR herself. I want those of us who are still here to be able to like what we like, not like what we don’t, and to work to create a better, more inclusive, more loving fandom than JKR could ever dream of in her tiny, extremely biased little TERF mind.

Of course, fully respect anyone who feels differently. If JKR’s actions have forced you to step away from HP fandom, that is totally understandable, and I’m so so sorry for all the hurt she’s caused. 🖤 For those who are still in fandom because they think it’s absolutely fine and cool what she’s doing, and don’t see any reason to look any deeper into the numerous other awful things being represented in her works - well, I don’t think I need to tell you where you stand with me, but suffice to say, you and I are not going to be friends any time soon. Those of you who are still here, like me, feeling conflicted and just wishing so hard to be able to engage in this thing that’s always brought us so much peace and happiness - I see you, and my heart goes out to you. 💕

All that to say, thank you so, so much, anon, for all you’ve said here. It means the world to me as well to still have lovely people such as yourself to share this fandom with. I hope you’re doing good, and much love from me as well! 🖤🌈🖤

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

[valcnciv-blog]

             whats  up  distinguished  guests  it’s  me  nicki  w  my  new  demon  child  VALENCIA  who  is  basically  the  human  embodiment  of  a  black  hole.  i  literally  first  wrote  her  for  a  skeleton  rp  where  she  was  based  off  of  the  color  bLACK  SO  THAT  SHOULD  TELL  Y’ALL  SOMETHIN  KSDFJDF. i  have  a  pinterest  board  for  the  original  version  of  her  muse  here  if  y’all  want  some  visuals  !

*  tw  for  abuse,  violence, TOXIC BEHAVIOR IN GENERAL

(  lauren  jauregui  •  21  •  cisfemale  )  looks  like valencia  santillo just  moved  into apartment  3C!  i  heard  that she is  here  in  los  angeles  because she  wanted  to  escape  an  oppressive  environment  and  become  a  writer but  has  been  struggling  –  thankfully  moreau  has  taken  them  in!  rumour  has  it,  they  can  be  quite bellicose and mercurial but  at  least  they're vibrant and straightforward,  hey?  i  can  already  tell  they’re  going  to  be  the spitfire of  the  building.

this  is  gonna  b  quick  bc  i  know  y’all  are  tired  of  me  JSKDF

basically  val  is  like  5′4  of  bloody  knuckles,  mommy  issues,  and  bde.  SHE born  and  raised  in  boston  massachussetts  which  is  where  our  story  begins  !

her  mom  was  a  doctor  at  the  peak  of  her  career  who  had  no  intention  of  having  a  child  but  ALAS  she  was  stuck  with  val  anyways  after  not  realizing  she  was  pregnant  w  her  on  and  off  again  fiance  until   ‘oh  boy  are  those  contractions  ?’

suffice  to  say  val  had  an  absentee  p.o.s.  wall  street  workin  dad  and  a  mom  who  resented  her  for  taking  up  so  much  of  her  attention  rather  than  letting  her  focus  on  her  career.  she  was  emotionally  abusive  towards  val  from  a  young  age  despite  val  practically  raising  herself  ???  anywho  her  mom  eventually  began  to  get  physically  aggressive  with  her  once  val  got  older  and  started  snapping  back  to  defend  herself  and  there  were  several  instances  where  cops  were  called  and  excuses  had  to  be  made  up  :/

val  never  really  cared  for  school  since  she  only  liked  the  weird  morbid  stuff  like  war  and  plague  and  death  so  she  started  playing  ice  hockey  in  like  the  6th  grade  and  her  mom  finally  started  paying  attention  to  her !!  like ‘wow  ok  ur  finally  worth  something  to  me’  which  gave  val  such messed up self-value  issues  ?  but  the  sport  became  val’s  life  and  her  whole  existence  revolved  around  it,  it  was  val’s  sole  source  of  happiness  for  so  long  tbh  :((

val  stuck  with  it  through  high  school  &  ended  up  getting  REALLY  good  and  got  a  scholarship  to  boston  university,  where  she  studied  english  ( emphasis  in  folklore )  and  sociology.  she  took  her  team  to  their  championships  her  senior  year  &  won  but  at  a  huge  price  bc  val  got  slammed  into  the  barrier  shooting  a  buzzer-beating  shot  and  like  demolished  3  fucking  vertebrae

and  since  now  val  can’t  play  due  to  her  injury  shes  a  v  bitter,  v  angry,  v  sad  lil  bean  who  was  forced  to  move  back  in  w  her  mom  and  that’s  when  shit  got  BAD.  it  was  even  worse  than  when  she  was  a  kid  and  her  only  real  escape  was  putting  on  her  headphones  and  tucking  away  into  a  book

ended  up  running  away  to  moreau  like  a  year  ago  after  she  graduated  &  recovered  enough  to  be  back  to  normal.  she  got  into  a  beef  with  her  mom  that  was  so  bad  she  broke  val’s  nose  and  that  was  just  it  for  valencia.  val  packed  her  shit  into  a  duffel  bag,  hopped  on  her  motorcycle,  and  never  looked  back.  road  tripped  for  like  a  month  through  the  US  draining  tf  out  of  her  savings  account  to  make  it  to  LA.  she  wants  to  be  a  writer  but  knows  it’s  not  a  career  she  can  make  a  living  off  of  so  she  hops  from  small  job  to  small  job  while  she  compiles  a  poetry  portfolio  to  try  and  get  published

PERSONALITY WISEEEEE

val’s  like,  super  aggressive  and  imposing  and  kinda  has  no  filter  ??  she’s  a  v  love  or  hate  type  person  and  it’s  not  unusual  for  ppl  to  want  to  avoid  her  bc  she’s  scary  JFKSJD.  also  can  be.....  really  unreliable  sometimes  she’s  habitually  late  and  will  legit  not  show  up  to  her  own  party  bc  she  forgot  she  had  a  dick/pussy  appointment  that  night  lmfao  she  can  be  the  WORST  but  she’s  a  loyal  ass  bitch  to  her  inner  circles

she’s  a  hedonist  bc  it  feels  good  and  bc  she’s  got  the  leftover  trust  fund  money  for  expensive  drugs  and  thats  really  it.  no  rhyme  or  reason.  she  likes  to  party  so  she  gon  seek  out  a  good  time  and  she’s  !!!  got  a  rlly  high  tolerance  for  shit  so  she’ll  b  out  here  livin  her  best  life  like  every  night  DHFS  ! 

her  biggest  issue  is   her  unchecked  aggression  and  attachment  issues .....  she  either  doesn’t  give  a  single  fuck  or  she’s  violently  possessive,  there’s  very  little  in  between.  she  gets  jealous  easily  and  stirs  drama  to  get  her  way.  also  will  nOT  hesitate  to  punch  a  bitch  and  has  a  lifetime  membership  to  her  local  mma  gym  bc  :)))  aggression  issues  im  tellin  u  dfadfa

teeters  between  absolute  apathy  and  like  a  calm  bubbling  rage  bc  she’s  in  emotional  anguish  and  feels  uncomfortable  w  kindness  bc  of  her  mom  and  has  no  concept  of  how  to  deal  w  her  emotions  but  !!  shes  never  learned  how  to  bc  shes  always  been  on  survival  mode  her whole  life  and  that’s  val  !!!

uhhhh  she’s  a  mf  gryffindor,  works  at  the  local  bookstore,  her  leather  jacket  and  motorcycle  are  her  most  prized  possessions.  also  pansexual  and  polyamorous  depending  on  the  situation  bc  sometimes  she’s  like ‘yeah  i  can  share’  and  other  time’s  she’s  like ‘look  at  anyone  else  but  me  n  i  will  cut  u’

I  HAVE  A  BUNCH  OF  PLOTS  I  WANT  FOR  HER  SO  HMU  PLS  ON  DISCORD  OR  ON  HERE  N  I’LL  HARASS  U  W  MY  LOVEEEE

[troofless]

BNHA semi romantic/platonic bkdk Steelheart AU time!

Basically if you haven’t read Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson it’s set in a semi-post-apocalyptic world where one day a giant firey star (Calamity) appeared in the sky and gave a few people superpowers. These people, now called Epics, got drunk on their powers to the point of extreme arrogance. They would start fights with other Epics for the right to rule cities and kill humans if it suited their whims bc they thought normal humans were underneath them. Epics are treated with extreme reverence and terror bc of the massive powers they wield.

Epics can be classified into Lesser and High Epics, the difference being High Epics have an additional superpower (called prime invincibility) that make them almost impossible to kill eg Invincibility (impenetrable skin), Self-Reincarnation, Regeneration, Precognition. Epics can have more than one superpower.

However Epics are possible to kill when you target their sole weakness (fear), usually stemming from past trauma eg drowning to death bc past trauma of drowning in a lake etc etc.

>> Main plot of the trilogy is how this dude joins the Resistance (called Reckoners) to kill Epics and save humanity and maybe find the truth about humanity along the way.

Izuku takes p much the same role bc like David instead of a hero otaku he’s a Epic otaku

His mother was killed by an Epic but he still believes in the inner goodness of Epics (for a certain number of reasons), but agrees that most Epics are doing it wrong and should be killed to save innocent people who are suffering

Yeah he tells everyone his intensive research into Epics is p much a hobby bc when he was young he really wanted to be an Epic to save people and that’s why he started keeping notes and it’s just a habit now

Anyway the story starts with him tracking down a High Epic to track down the Resistance bc he wants to join them, and there he meets Bakugou engaging in a fight w said High Epic which Izuku theorizes to be the Resistance’s next target

‘KACCHAN????!!??’

Izuku pops up out of nowhere and assists Bkg, they kill the High Epic and return to base where Izuku convinces them with sparkly eyes that can he join them?? Everyone is suspicious but then Bkg brings up Izuku’s nerd notes and grudgingly (very grudgingly) says that they would help a lot. Everyone immediately accepts Izuku into the fold.

Why does Bkg know about Izuku’s nerd notes? Izuku comments that he didn’t think Kacchan would remember, and reveals to everyone that they were childhood friends/classmates all the way to high school, when the Calamity happened and Bkg disappeared into the void

Anyway Bkg is furious at Izuku, w all the inferiority complexes and trauma being there, bla bla bla you know the drill all the edgy childhood ‘can you stand’ stuff happened in the past

But there’s a good reason why Bkg keeps Izuku at an arm’s length, trust me

Anyway the night Izuku is initiated into the Resistance he bumps into Bkg in the corridor and basically Bkg drags him into somewhere isolated and threatens him, saying if Izuku ever revealed his secret Bkg would kill him

Bc Bkg is an Epic

And Izuku knew this bc he was there in class when Bkg manifested his Epic explosion powers and burnt down his home, killing parents in the process. He may or may not have also burned down his high school and killed his classmates and tons of students, leaving Izuku as the sole survivor

Bkg’s powers: Explosion, superhuman reflexes (though he keeps telling everyone that he was born talented like that bc Bkg FLEXES). Technically his powers classify him as a Lesser bc he doesn’t have prime invincibility (or so he says) but the multi-usage of his one (1) epic power kinda make him one. He indirectly gains flight (explosions…), mini bursts lasers (useful for lockpicking, or so he says), and other useful stuff. Bkg is Bkg, basically.

But like in this AU Bkg hates his powers for good reason too (being a bipolar mass murderer fucking sucks), and pretty much live in denial that they exist. Uses mainly guns and cc gun kata, but can handle sniper rifles. Has a soft spot for machine guns but hates using explosives and is queasy when Ashido tries to get him a rocket launcher (ROCKET LAUNCHER!!!!). Funnily enough he is voted by everyone to be Person Least Likely To Be An Epic In Disguise bc though he has the personality of an Epic (extreme hubris), they theorise he would long have acted on his impulse to kill everyone (extreme compulsion to boast reason for said hubris), but he hasn’t, so he can’t be an Epic

Todoroki’s conspiracy theory is that he’s an Epic’s lovechild explaining his intense hatred for Epics and revulsion for being compared to having the personality of one

Anyway they plot to kill the Big Boss of the city! Which will be *spins wheel* Mirio (Epic name Lemillion)(bc you know. he’s killed millions of people) with *throws dart* Dabi and Toga (interns from another city of Epics ruled by AFO/Shiggy), Tokoyami, Asui, and Iida as subordinate Epics

Amajiki, Nejire and Nighteye were killed by Mirio’s hands in this AU bc extreme hubris :))) Also Mirio has the history of killing Overhaul, the previous ruler of the city

Mirio has the power of permeability, super reflexes and dexterity, and teleportation (the gist of it is that he was OP just like he was in the original world)(Overhaul was right in nerfing Mirio he is too strong)

Izuku knows Mirio and Nighteye but keeps that a secret, but he does share w everyone his theory that after studying his fight w Overhaul he thinks Mirio’s weakness is indirect attacks (when he shielded a little girl from a bullet he bled from it). Izuku knows this bc he saw Mirio in the aftermath, but he doesn’t tell anyone that and says he got that from studying old camera footage that Mirio destroyed a few days after the fight bc he got corrupted and took over the city

The plot is p much them plotting to assassinate Mirio and his henchman (luring him out? infiltration? both??) and saving the city in the process

There is of course arguments against this saying the city would collapse w/o the protection of the super powerful High Epic Mirio but they agree it’s for the best that he dies (insert recent incident of unstable Mirio destroy stuff)

Ppl in the Resistance: Aizawa (leader of branch Resistance in current city), Yaoyorozu (second in command, in charge of making plans and intel), Todoroki (ops guy? normal dude), Uraraka (sniper), Kirishima (support w Bkg), Kaminari (mechanic and support) and Ashido (in charge of weapons stocking and uncertified medic whose solution to everything is duct tape and staples)

Endeavour is a morally grey High Epic ruling another city in this AU (he’s p chill here actually he doesn’t kill anyone and protects the people from other Epic attacks), Todoroki left and joined the Resistance and denies having any connection w Endeavour bc dad issues

All Might is the legendary Epic who never got corrupted, but disappeared one day and was never seen again, everyone assumes he’s dead

Anyway they lure the subordinate Epics individually and kill them

Throughout the whole story Izuku and Bkg are always at odds w each other so to shut them up Aizawa puts them on a mission to kill like one of the more powerful subordinate Epics

Everyone: WHAT

There are some people arguing that Izuku hasn’t proven himself to be exactly trustworthy yet but Aizawa argues that the person who would keep the closest eye on Izuku and not hesitate to kill him would be Bkg (jokes on you bc this is bkdk but anyway) and hence Bkg and Izuku would be a great pair for the mission

Although we all know like Aizawa knows that it’s just UST and he pairs them up to make them solve their previous trauma issues

They get into a scuffle before, during and after the mission bc they are that disaster duo

They definitely fail the mission and Bkg has to resort to using his Epic powers to bail them out

Bkg becomes more short tempered than usual bc of that

Also they have a lot of witty banter throughout the entire thing, before Bkg withdraws into his tsun shell again (there is no dere Bkg is wholly tsun)

Note that their relationship is still rocky, no Deku v Kacchan 2 yet but at the point of let’s say Final Exams Arc, where they grudgingly accept that they would work together for their shared goal

Anyway one day the subordinate Epics aka Dabi and Toga sniff out their hideout and appear and knock Bkg out and capture him. They reveal that they noticed that Bkg was an Epic and when they told Shiggy he told them to capture Bkg so they could convert him to the dark side. Meanwhile subplot of Toga getting trashed by absolute eight pack abs Uraraka

They tell him if they want to save Bkg they have to surrender and bring their leader to see Mirio at a specified location

(of course the interns’ goal is to make the Resistance and Mirio take each other out like Yakuza Arc style)

Izuku kinda loses it and wants to go rescue Bkg, but Aizawa says Bkg would have told them to go ahead w the plan to assassinate Mirio and not care for his safety as a hostage

(Izuku. Although Bkg doesn’t have prime invincibility he is still an Epic, he won’t die that easily…)

Anyway they kill Mirio in a fight, and once Izuku sees Mirio is dead he nyooms straight for Bkg’s location w Uraraka, Kirishima, Todoroki (everyone else is incapacitated)

They find Dabi and Toga there trying to corrupt Bkg (they ignored Mirio’s order to kill Bkg once the Resistance attacked bc have their own agenda remember), and they save him (damn Bkg why you Princess Peach like this)

Yaoyorozu arrives with backup and distracts them long enough to regroup, but Twice appears to bail Toga and Dabi out when Mirio dies, and they escape the city through Kurogiri

The building/ship on an ocean/underground base (idk haven’t fixed a location) is on fire and Yaoyozoru orders everyone to escape, but the falling rocks separate everyone as she says that

Izuku and Bkg both hobble out, but ha ha guess what Bkg’s weakness is?

If you said fire you are 100% correct

Anyway Bkg kinda freaks out bc he’s useless in situations involving fires (both w his usage of Epic powers and his fear) and kinda faints, and so Izuku, now all alone in the fires, whispers to Bkg ‘hey remember during one of our fights you accused me of keeping secrets from you bc you thought that was my way of looking down on you? well here is my secret and well on the 1/10000th chance that you’re still conscious and almost-but-not-really-delirious I’m deciding to share my secret with YOU’

And here is plot twist number 420 of the day: Izuku is an Epic.

Anyway Izuku busts out of the hideout with his super strength and gets them out of there safely. He hands Bkg to their medic Ashido who staples him up JJBA Fugo-to-Mista style and pronounces him Good to Go

The city celebrates and Aizawa takes control by saying the city is now under the protection of Endeavour (bc Endeavour is a High Epic who is secretly collaborating w the Resistance to end other Epics bla bla insert real life political examples about how to correctly go about revolutionising an entire city)

Anyway a day after the aftermath Bkg pulls Izuku aside and confronts him w his suspicions bc although he was unconscious there was no way Izuku busted them out of there w/o a superpower.

Also Izuku is a bad liar and he has been hinting w his actions throughout the entire plot like telling Kacchan that he has been entrusted with the hopes and dreams of a better future after one of their fights (but from WHO?? and entrusted with WHAT exactly???) and also Izuku accidentally bending forks in his stress and when someone calls him out he panics and calls them magic tricks or smth, or the time there was an event where they visited the market for weapons and he witness a slave ring selling kids for unpaid labour and when he thought no one was looking when he went out in the middle of the night and destroyed their hideout with one stomp but the next day they see it in the news and think it was a small earthquake (upon hearing that Izuku breathes a small sigh of relief, someone comments he must be relieved that the kids don’t have to suffer anymore right? and Izuku is like Yeah! That is Totally What I Was Thinking About And Not The Fact That I Am Afraid Of Having My Epic Powers Found Out And Subsequently Lynched) idk small foreshadowing stuff like that throughout the entire plot ok

Bkg is like dude. is this the reason why you’re so agreeable to keeping my Epic powers secret?! bc you too have powers and were looking down on me??! (Deku v Kacchan 2: Electric Boogaloo)

Izuku’s powers, inherited from All Might before he died a peaceful death: Gifting (permanently, or for a short period of time), Super strength and dexterity (but not reflexes), Minor prediction powers (though Izuku claims that is his own skill and not part of his Epic powers). Izuku is also, unexplainably, unable to be corrupted by his powers

Izuku’s fear is being powerless to act, which is why watching helplessly as Kacchan was kidnapped hit him particularly hard, but he overcame that which also alludes to his 100 level mental strength to resist corruption

Bkg, whispering: Holy shit.

Anyway the main story ends there with a hint of part 2 where they solve the mystery of OFA/AFO (where Calamity occured when AFO appeared and gave everyone powers to watch the world destroy itself for fun, and the only way to make the Calamity disappear and return sanity to the Epics is to *insert plot mechanic I have not figured out yet which has to do with Izuku’s OFA power* *or maybe it’s just as simple as killing AFO and Shiggy. idk*)

Hawks would appear in part 2 as an insider agent who recons w the Resistance at the start of part 2 and gives them intel on how to kill Shiggy. He is a normal person.

But the start of the start of part 2 definitely starts w Bkg and Izuku in chains in some kind of prison in an Epic hideout in another city. Bc Izuku tripped and fell while doing parkour during their mission. (Bc Bkg was forcing Izuku to train his usage of Epic powers bc more firepower is good in fights in the future!!!) While Epic who captured them is having a turf war with another Epic outside they do a prison break showing their pretty competent relationship now (and yeah both of them are too emotionally stunted have a relationship)

i’m sorry there is 0 continuity in this plot i wrote this at 1am while delirious and hungry please take it and leave

[somedaypast-thesunset]

I tell him in plain language I haven't eaten and have no money for food. He offers to loan me money and that I can come over. But it's -2 and all my cold weather wear is garbage from the 5 min I spent just going to the store. He says he has to charge his phone. I'm like OK but u can also do it on your laptop. "yeah but then I'd have to find my wallet". I gave a huge exaggerated laugh because who the fuck responds to someone asking to eat like 5hat? He thinks my reply is weird. I tell him I assume he's joking so I'm laughing otherwise I'm just depressed. He replies, "do you need money now?"

SO GCDFHJFFDXDJKCFYBVXSSJKCF

DO I NEED TO EAT TODAY? DO I? GYESS NOT BECAYSE I WOYLDNT WANT TO BORHER YOU TO FIND YOUR FUCKING WALLET.

the only mature non combative response I had was no response because I'm not even dignifying such a stupid fucking question with a response. Fuck you man. Just fuck you. I'd get more respect sucking dick for 40$. Quicker too.

And I'm trying soooooooo hard and it's just nothing. I'm doing nothing but expending the absolute most amount of effort I currently have before becoming sooo exhausted and frustrated that I'm becoming impulsively violent - much like traits I had very young that I worked to control. Like my day consists of waking up and being brought home. I smoke weed, find a podcast or video or movie to listen to but barely pay attention and try to bring myself to do anything. Like changing my clothes from yesterday. Going out to get food (which if I do is my entire morning and I'm done after). Lately I want soooo badly to get back into my shit. I used to be productive. Like I lost alllllllllllllllllllllllll drive for anything. I cannot fathom going to a job. My whole disposition says I want to die every moment I'm awake. I watched this doc about this crazy lady who starved to death in an abandoned house on an occupied street like ppl walked by the house she had neighbors but she like actively chose to just starve and die. And everyone's so confused like oh the neighbors were there she could've gotten food but no. I get this lady. I am this lady right now. I am in an abandoned house that is my body and my neighbors can see I'm here but they don't care if anyone is home. They wouldn't feed me.

In some ways I was like oh no. This lady is me. But she was delusional. Like she made ppl up. I haven't ever. But I am becoming like my mother more and more but I guess I empathize more. This lady was so depressed like she really wanted to die all the time and she was miserable and couldn't keep friends and I get it now. I got it before but now I really get it because there's no choice anymore. At some point you like... You're standing on the edge of the abyss and then u let go and from that point on its just free falling out of control. You can't stop it once it's hit full momentum. And I'm screaming cuz I did the drugs. And I can do them again so I can placebo effectvmyself for 2 weeks and crash again. I am existing solely for the purpose of a few other ppl right now. Like I can't die right here because my roommate has to find it and he's the last person I want to find dead me. Like if a stranger could spot a body that is me, that'd be good. Or like a dog finds me first. I want to go in a forest. I want my body to refuel the earth and I want animals to tear me apart like when the Indians let vultures eat their dead. I'm dead you know. People have too much control. I'm used to no control and I embrace the lack of control one has in death despite society trying sooo hard. And I'm still there you know cuz I want to control when I die. I wan5 to choose and death is not about choice. And it's hard to die. Killing yourself takes like extreme effort. I cannot selfishly take my cats with me tho I want to. I want to die with my cat in my arms, the only thing that ever really loved me besides my dad. I just want to go far far out where it's no coming back. Like even if I last minute didn't want to I want to be so far out in the woods I can5 make it back in such condition so I just die because wanting to live is the moment of weakness. This is not a moment. I am not in a decade long moment. I am suffering and I hurt and the "system" is a fools game. Like it took 100 yrs to accept certain medications and procedures as fucked up because it takes society 100 yrs to figure anything out and like I guess my hope is that because we're evolving technology so fast maybe in 5 years they will know how to fix depression. They will look in my brain and s3e the suffering and fix it. And I'll flick a switch and my memories will be neutral in feeling, not ptsd.

It's not even ptsd anymore. No, it's not JUST ptsd anymore. It's the starting long term effects of poverty. It's like.. My own mental issues maturing with me as I'm getting older and it's not easier at all?

Like I tried to do my shop and realized its so half assed and like I can't be this age and present this level of effort. I can do better I just chose not to but I spend effort doing it half assed still. I took apart 80% of my jewelry and have yet to go back to it because why. And that's sad. Like I have to be careful now to maintain what I do have or I may not care enough to do it again. I have alllllllllllllllllllllllll the time in the world to do something. Anything. Any. Thing. And I've listened to 350 episodes of last podcast, know deeply a 38 yr old man I never met who plays video games online, watched anything deemed good on Netflix, am totally up to date on s3veral news websites and podcasts and I smoke like 400$ worth of weed a month.

I don't even want to know me.

But like.. I don't pretend I just don't talk. I talk to others, share commentary occasionally but I just don't talk about anything. I especially don't talk about how depressed I am because it just bothers ppl and creates both positive and negative opinions none of which are helpful to the illness.

So im very very secluded. And I used to use isolated but that's negative. That's saying I'm forced into it. I'm forcing it. I'm not. I actively choose it now so I am secluded and extremely private.

I'm still trying though? Like I don't even know why. Today I signed up for usertesting sites because I already do contract tests for consumer reviews so maybe I'll make some money but at the same time I feel like its another dead end. Just go work at McDonald's.

Art wise, there is so much I could do to revamp my shop. All new, well made jewelry. I need all new photos including ones of my art with close ups and stuff. I want to "graduate" my art skills a bit. Like really make nice well cut paper with borders for matting and start to sign my work and like all of this means higher quality so a higher price. I can do fucking better. And honestly I'm not doing anything else right now. My mind is completely disabled and to consider working is laughable now. I know I'm not going to so I can stop being anxious about it. Fuck em. I've been doing a depression project for charity cuz that's what I did earlier this year too but this one is more personal. I have 3/5 of what I wanted for my goal but at the same time what I made is so.. Average. It's not great at all. It's just iok and does the job and I tried my best but maybe I didn't? The fact 3/5 have all turned out with fairly major issues makes me feel less inclined to continue and the whole thing pointless cuz why give something to the homeless that sucks. So u can feel good?

I don't want therapy or medication. I deeply hate society and most of humanity. I used to be OK with it and I wanted to be apart of it but I was so shit on by so many people that I can't do it anymore. It's not worth it. 30 years of shit for like 30 y3ars of average? Cool.

Still trying tho. Still asked for money for food and I'll go hungry today but I'll havevmoney tomorrow I guess. That's life. Me and the 45 ppl on main St homeless. Somedays you eat Somedays you don't. He will probably realize at some point he made a mistake - hopefully. Because if I have to chase him for it, I'm probably going to hang out by myself tomorrow too.

I'm now worried I have no good winter clothes and my boots have holes in them. I'm already in super debt. I have to get a new jacket and boots before it snows. I could've gotten an extra 10 if I braved the cold for 25 min tonight but I'm just so tired I don't care enough. I can't talk to anyone about this. Then I'm just poor and a burden cuz I have no job and spend money on weed. And I did. I put myself far into debt just for weed. I'm now working on this plan that since I've quit smoking I must be up some money so I'll slowly build funds back up by not smoking and not spending crazy. Which even now sounds bullshit. But I'm trying the testing thing as well. If I get my shop up before Xmas rush. These are reasons to try but I'm only trying because d3pression put me in debt. If I wasn't this sad I wouldn't spend this money. I wouldntvlive like this.

Honestly until I get this money I don't even have funds for the bus to get my birth control. At the same time tho I was willing to sit all of this out and wait but I have like 7 days to be paid and I can't go 7 days without eating at all.

I spent myblast 3$ on cat food and honestly just this run down alone describes how insane I am. Like there's no way it's OK for me to be on my own to this degree. No sound psychologist would say yes 100% clearly functioning on their own in need of no assistance. If someone described this to me in my moments of sound mind I would be like this bitch is dead in atleast 5 years. Prob less. Meds aren't enough. Therapy is not enough. And I don't deserve to be in a psych ward because my capacity for reasoning and logic is fully there and it's unfair to have success in q team monitored to be released into the same conditions you know.

What am I doing when my father's gone? This because no one recognized that in a Co dependent relationship there are two people who are d3oendent not just one and instead of really assessing the situation people chose to think I was lazy and living off my father (even tho I was not) ignoring severe depression and suicidal t3ndencies. Thanks.

I am the abandoned house.

Today I was trying to get ready to leave when he said he still wanted to smoke from my bong and ohh where do I have to go that's so important. And it's not just him. It's anyone who knows myclife. They d3cided my time has less value because someone who's not them d3cided to pay me money in exchange for menial tasks. Since I don't have that my time is meaningless and they can not show up to qppts or show up late or leave late or make me wait X amount of time cuz I have all the time in the world. They work u know. But I no longer care. For the people who know me I'm no longer accepting this and just going about my lif3 without them. For those who don't, I'm no longer going to share anything about my life with anyone. I'm just as valuable as you. My time is equally of worth. Fuck you for ever thinking different.

Just remember - anyone else alive, not your problem.