#i started filming myself watching it live a bit after they barricaded themselves in the room i was like something is up....

[louisdotmp3]

just watched the video i took of myself watching the confession live. feel normal btw

[red-river-rocknroll-request-line]

Braindead: A Fan’s Dissection

When I first saw this film a good number of years ago I was left dumbfounded. How could anything possibly be this good?? How could humanity top this film?? I wore it like a badge of honor: “I saw Braindead. You know it’s been rated as the goriest film of all time.” And all my friends in school were like “yeah, whatever.” I would come home from school, grab myself a Dr. Pepper, and sit down and watch it again. This obsession lasted for weeks—maybe months. It’s been so long I can’t really remember.

Point is: I adored this film the first time I saw it and I adore it even more now. This film is everything. It is—dare I say—Perfect.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Braindead (or Dead Alive), I urge you to find it and watch it immediately before continuing to read my break down of it. I’m going to spoil a lot of it in this review.

Is this a review? It’s really just me gushing about it. It’s off-the-rails, hilarious, super gory, and a total blast. However, I hope you have a strong stomach, cos it’s really disgusting too.

Anyway, let’s take off, shall we?

Let’s start with our main character: Lionel Cosgrove. He’s played by actor Timothy Balme in his first ever role. Lionel is a rather well-off young man who lives with his mother, Vera (Elizabeth Moody). He’s an awkward and shy boy; the first glimpse we get of him is him fumbling with a fruit display in a shop. Very soon after this, he spills a box of black licorice and pens all over the counter. Then very soon after that, he backs into a streetcar, nearly getting run over.

He’s super emotive/expressive and the perfect protagonist for this movie.

Now that I’m thinking about it, Braindead is really a coming-of-age film for Lionel.

Let’s dive a little bit into his backstory. He has a memory of nearly drowning at the beach and his father diving in to save him. Then, before his father could get out of the water, a “freak wave” comes along and pulls him out to sea, causing him to drown. Lionel is haunted by this memory, and very clearly feels partially responsible for his father’s death. His mother uses this guilt to get him to bend to her every whim.

Lionel’s mother, Vera, is extremely manipulative. The first scene with her she’s waving a carving knife around. In many ways she is like Margaret White from “Carrie.” Overbearing, mildly threatening, etc. She keeps Lionel at her beck and call.

At the end of the film, when Lionel finds out the truth about what really happened to his father, he stands up and confronts his mother. For probably the first time in his entire life, he stands up to her! Good for you, Lionel! See? That’s why it’s a coming-of-age film!

I want to switch over now to Paquita, who is played by Diana Peñalver. Paquita is actually the first of the main cast we’re introduced to in the film. She works in a small corner store with her family—we only ever see her father and grandmother, but Lionel mentions at one point in the film that she has a brother. Paquita is a young woman determined to find the love of her life. She is very outgoing and independent. She kicks ass in this movie.

One of the great things about Paquita is that she has a strong will. I feel like the stereotypical way her character could’ve been written (love interest) would be for her to be the damsel in distress. However, since our main character Lionel is such an awkward guy who doesn’t really act without reason, we need someone to prompt him to action. This is fulfilled mostly by Paquita throughout the film.

There’s a scene I like where Paquita comes over to Lionel’s house to return his jacket. Lionel, nervous as heck because “Mum” is just down the hall, tries to tell her that he can’t see her anymore. Brokenhearted, Paquita offers him a red rose before turning away. I like how the stereotypical roles are reversed here: she sneaks up to his window and she gives him a flower. It’s refreshing. It also shows how much of a go-getter Paquita is.

I guess I should back up a bit and clarify why Paquita is so interested in a punching bag like Lionel. Paquita’s grandmother does a tarot spread to see who the man of Paquita’s future is. Initially Paquita is disappointed that it’s not the delivery man that she’s been flirting with. However, after her grandmother reads that Paquita will have one romance that will last forever, Paquita becomes interested again. Her grandmother says she will recognize the man of her future by the “Symbol of the Star.” Soon after, Lionel comes through the door, spills the licorice and pens which fall into the shape of the star. After seeing this, Paquita starts pursuing Lionel, believing he is the man of her future.

Let’s get back on track with why Paquita is so cool.

When the movies kicks itself into 12th gear and the bloodbath starts, Lionel and Paquita get separated and Paquita has to defend herself. She hides in a pantry with a large knife and when tapped on the shoulder, she wildly stabs at whoever did it. Finding out it’s one of the partygoers, Paquita immediately tries to comfort and protect her.

I just think it’s great that there’s a good chunk of the movie where Paquita and a character named Rita are by themselves, barricading themselves in the kitchen and taking care of each other. Well, it’s mostly Paquita taking care of Rita, but still. It’s just two girls kicking ass together. Then later they tear Void’s legs in half and start batting away zombies with the legs. THEN later still when Lionel is in the lobby during the famous lawnmower scene, Paquita takes the body parts that come flying her way and grinds them up in a food processor. She kicks ass! She doesn’t need prompting, she doesn’t need saving… she’s a girl who knows what she wants and knows how to handle herself.

Also I love it when she spits in Uncle Les’ face when she rips his spine off and then smashes his head on the counter. Nice!

Speaking of smashing heads, I want to talk about how people are seemingly made of jell-o in this movie. Especially when people become zombies. Limbs can get ripped off easily, two heads colliding can make one explode, a whole body falling off a banister can cause it to explode in blood and guts when it hits the floor. It’s outstanding. And so cartoonish!

This whole movie is basically a really gory, really violent cartoon. The huge glass bottles labeled “Tranquilizer” and ���Poison” with a skull and cross bones but uh-oh! It was actually Animal Stimulant! Ooooops! Lionel’s facial expressions throughout the whole movie, all the physical comedy… even the meat grinder in the kitchen is labeled ACME. Everything in this movie is about 30 miles over the top. It’s a love story, a coming of age story, a splatterfest, and a comedy all rolled into one.

I could keep going on and on about how this move is the holy grail of horror/splatter comedies, but I think I’ve gushed enough for now. And really, if you still haven’t seen it (I know it’s kind of difficult to get a hold of) after reading this review or whatever this is, you’re missing out. It’s so disgusting and fun! On top of that, it’s got a sweet little love story in it. ♥

Thanks for reading! Stay gory, stay fun!

EXCELLENT MOMENTS

- Gluing Vera’s cheek back on. I just love how she says: “Oh.” So benign. The scene of Lionel gluing her cheek back on her face looks so painful and it’s just like what?? That’s the best solution you had? Absolute gold.

- “Damn fine custard!” Euugh oh my god. The scene of Mr. Matheson taking a heaping spoonful of custard contaminated with Vera’s bloody puss into his mouth is scarring. In that scene, we, the audience, ARE Nora Matheson. Her eyes bulge and she covers her mouth to stifle a gag. Then she looks over in horror as Vera eats her own ear with a spoonful of custard. Poor Nora has to leave the room before she vomits. Some of the audience might want to vomit as well.

- Lionel coming down to the basement wearing like hockey goalie armor or whatever that is as well as a helmet, goggles, rubber boots, and gloves in hopes of protecting himself from “Mum” and Nurse McTavish. Of course Lionel falls all over the place and most of his armor comes off while fighting against the two zombies, but he lives somehow.

- Continuing with Lionel, I love love love all the scenes where he’s all unshaven and greasy as he tries to figure out what to do with the zombies in his basement. I love in the graveyard when he tranquilizes Void and just sits down with his head in his hands like “Ah Jesus, could this get any worse?” Like, he’s too stupid (or soft I guess) to just hack the zombies to pieces and be done with it. If he were to do that, this whole mess could’ve been avoided.

- “I kick ass for the LORD!” This was the scene that I saw on youtube and then immediately decided that I needed this movie in my life. It’s so out of the blue, it’s so silly. The benign and somewhat irritable priest at Vera’s funeral is SO READY for the rapture or whatever that when he sees zombies in the graveyard he jumps down on them and kicks the shit out of them (before tragically getting bit in the neck by the zombie’s head that he had kicked up in the air and then running and drop-kicking so hard that he goes flying and gets speared by a grave marker statue). Bless you, Father McGruder.

- Uncle Les’ murder spree. Honestly, as shitty of a guy Uncle Les is, he really knows how to handle himself in a zombie outbreak. He’s a sadistic wack-job for sure, but if it wasn’t for him, Paquita and Lionel would probably have twice the amount of zombies to contend with. Uncle Les hacks up dozens of them in the kitchen and then lights himself a cigarette.

- Lionel dangling upside-down in the lobby. There’s so much chaos going on in the house, and I love that it gets tied together in a sense when Lionel falls from the attic but is caught by some electrical wiring which, over in the kitchen, yanks Mandy and her lit-up head back into the wall. I love Lionel dangling uselessly in the lobby for a small portion of the movie. Paquita runs up to him and kisses his cheek, Void’s intestines in the attic try to pull him back into the ceiling, Uncle Les shoves him out of the way causing him to start swinging around… I love the chaos of it. I love it. I can’t get enough.

- “Party’s over.” Of course. The bloodbath. The holy grail of bloodbaths. Lionel throws the doors open holding a lawnmower in front of him. He revs it up and starts plowing through the zombies in the lobby. The scene is set to a waltz number as Lionel grinds bodies seemingly made of jell-o to a bloody mess. Limbs and blood and guts are flying everywhere. It’s amazing. I also love the scene where Lionel flips the portrait of the Queen around before he let’s out a battle cry and continues to puree the zombies.

Feel free to add your favorite moments too!

[deanmiles13]

AND THE AWARD GOES TO... My time on Hollywoods dime.

The Musicians Wanted ad in the back of The Rocket read: 

Guitarist looking to join up with like minded individuals. Influences include Iggy and The Stooges, Sonic Youth, and The Cramps. 

That was all I needed to see. This had to be my guy. I was looking for musicians, having just left Rancid Vat and Alcoholics Unanimous. 

AT SMEGMA STUDIOS WITH RANCID VAT 1992

My own project, for the 1st time. 

Actually, I had another “project band” in Tucson called Butchers 4 Piece. 

I wanted to start a “Dirge” band. Pre “Grunge” The Melvins were pretty much as heavy as you could get. B4P was my need to play heavy guitar and write with my best buddy Abel. We picked on every clique in the scene with the lyrics. 

Having heard the Melvins on tour in 87’, I was blown away. We were in Riverside CA with a band called Twisted. 

The band I was in, Opinion Zero from Tucson, was gonna be on Alchemy Records, which is the label the Melvins 1st album was on.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mascara_Snake

 SO, these Twisted fellas say… “Hey, you ever heard of these dudes, The Melvins?” 

“Uh…. NO. What kinda name is The MELVINS!!!” 

The sound that came out was a methed out, metal riffing, band that stopped on a dime and then went into a heroin paced dirge that was heavier than Black Sabbath.

I loved it!!! 

Song titles likeThe Heaviness of the Load, Big as a Mountain, Over From Under the Excrement. Man!!!

Anyway… 

I was hoping to get back to doing a HEAVY band again and this ad just spoke to me. The Rocket was a Seattle-Portland Rock magazine, in newsprint form. 

It was the Bible for what was happening throughout each month in Seattle and Portland. Feature articles on local musicians and all the club listings and personal ads! It was priceless, in that sweet spot we had going in the 90’s. 

I get on the old land line phone and end up gettin a hold of this “Jerry” guy and we make plans for him to come over with his guitar to jam. The day comes, he shows up with his guitar, amp and a 6 pack.

We set up in the attic at 27 N. Thompson, where I was living. We make small talk and then I’m propose…

“Lets play a Cramps song!!!” 

I can see this makes him a slightly uncomfortable and he shifts in his seat and says 

“Which one?” 

“Anyone!” I replied. 

He starts to play Goo Goo Muck or Human Fly, and it’s not really all there. Already, I can see the ad was more of a description of bands he was INTO and not really his ability level or influences. 

No worries… 

We jam a bit more, and in my mind, I figure I’ll just keep on looking. After wrapping up our best attempts at a jam, we talk some more. 

Little did I know that I would be spending more time with this guy, inside of a van, than ANY band I have EVER been in.

 He starts by telling me he is from Portland (Salem actually) and had moved to L.A. for a bit and was just getting back to Portland. He played with a band called Trashcan School, a band I knew of and had read about. 

JERRY LA BUCK AND HIS FIRST BORN.

I was impressed!!! 

I asked what he did for work, he said he ran a security company in L.A. 

He told me, mainly set security for movies. 

Now, this IS “Hollywood” and his resume had titles like, oh…

Chopper Chicks From Zombietown

 https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103959/

Your usual B list movies, I thought, but he explained that movies worked under working titles sometimes to keep people off the scent. You couldn’t say “Yeah, we are filming Rocky 8 but keep it under your lid!” Although that would have been good….

So this all sounded pretty interesting to my ear.

Myself, I had done security before and had actually recently been fired from my job of 3 years. It was my first job in Portland and it’s where I learned Screen Printing. 

My profession, basically. 

It was at Goldsmiths in Old Town on 5th and Burnside.

https://goldsmithcompany.com/our-story/

Anyway, I got fired from there. Can you believe it? 

ON a side note… 

One day I got a call right after this, and it was the daughter of one of the older Vietnamese women that I worked with. She was old school and spoke no english. 

Mooey!!! 

That’s was her name…. 

I loved all 4’5” of her. Such a lovely woman. 

So her daughter called the house one day and it sounds like someone on tour or something.

A foreign voice and kind of broken up, and we are speaking over each other… 

I can’t really think of who I know on tour in Japan. 

It’s Mooey, having her daughter translate to me that she misses me at work and can’t believe they fired me. She said she loved me and I was a good guy. 

Man, I will never forget that phone call EVER.  I tried real hard to learn what I could while I worked with that crew of Vietnamese. What I learned was, that you can come to America after being lost on the ocean for 3 weeks on a raft, and end up owning 3 homes and a small market. That’s just one of the many incredible things I learned. 

Inspiring/Respect

Back to Jerry…. 

He said he wanted to do something similar up here with the movies and security thing. 

He had a few connections with location managers, but what he really needed was security team. 

He had been doing most of all this work by himself. A lot of this was just sitting in a car and watching a trailer or some prop on set. But still, that could be hard work. And he needed help. So, I threw my hat in the ring and said let me know if you end up getting a movie.

 Right away, he had a gig. 

And it was big. 

I wanna say, a 3 month shoot?

Almost all of it being shot in Portland. 

Timothy Hutton, Faye Dunaway, and Murdock from the A-Team were the main actors he said. 

I had no car at the time and Jerry had a 65 Dodge Dart we called the Clam. 

The trunk didn’t latch and had been connected with bungee cords. Every single bump in the road, that thing would start bouncing up and down. It looked like it was talking to you. 

Man, we had barricades and cones and all sorts of stuff in that car.

We had to block off parking spots and various roads at certain hours for shoots. 

(To annoy a Portland that WAS NOT Hollywood friendly)- Pre Portlandia. 

“Go back to California!!!” was the most common one you were guaranteed to hear. 

We had half of Downtown ready to kill us one afternoon. The shot never even made the final cut. 

Another incident we had all lanes of the Marquam Bridge blocked on a Friday morning, at rush hour, just to get a helicopter shot. 4 TIMES AROUND!!!! There was one guy who followed us to the off ramp, down to Old Spaghetti Factory. 

Pretty scary!!! 

I mean SCARY, like when we had to move all the big wigs out of their personal apartments. 

We found dildos, handcuffs and all sorts of stuff. All the crap they were definitely not taking home. 

There were many things I can recall from those long days on my feet, but I’ll just throw a couple at you.

Towards the end of the shoot one day, Timothy Hutton had a tape he wanted the Make Up guys to play. 

It was a tape of prank phone calls. 

The Jerky Boys. 

First time most people had heard that stuff at that point.

Speaking of Make Up, I witnessed nothing short of miracles come out of those Make Up  trailers. 

The magic they can do with the human face.

Speaking of magic and faces… 

I ended up gettin some face time with Faye Dunaway.

I had my Barfly book, by Bukowski, with me and had an angle to get it signed by the time she was done. 

On the last day, it was the day to do it. 

I asked her P.A. and she shut me down. 

NO WAY. 

Well, this WAS her last day and Faye seemed in a really good mood. 

As she was leaving, Some people were  getting autographs. I wasn’t too much concerned how we looked as a security team, as I was a fan and wanted MY book signed. 

I put it in the mix of outreached hand and she looked at it with a surprised expression. 

She said she had not seen this. NICE… 

I had the page marked and she thumbed her way towards it, stopping to remark on certain pictures and relate little stories. Everyone was enraptured and I was the hero.

Man, was her P.A. fuming by this time. 

Faye signed it and handed it back to me with that smile. 

NO WIRE HANGERS!!!

I shrunk off a little awkward but victorious.

I ended up working one last movie with Jerry and Buckeye Security. 

This one was awesome. 

It was…  Even Cowgirls Get The Blues.

From Wiki:

According to film critic/historian Leonard Maltin, "The novel was hopelessly dated, and there is not enough peyote in the entire American Southwest to render this movie comprehensible or endurable...K.D. Lang's score is the picture's sole worthy component.”

Directed by Gus Van Sant. 

A legend in Portland. 

Whole slew of stars in this one. Uma Thurman, Keanu Reeves, Crispin Glover et al. 

Totally different vibe on this movie. 

With Gus, you had a more laid back, punk rock, “we are all in this together” feel. 

Most actors made themselves available to chat up and get to know. 

This set was SO laid back, I remember Gus had some Nitrous Oxide delivered to the Camera Truck for the purpose of “cleaning lenses” he said. 

Well, as soon as they gave a brief rundown of the how’s and what not’s, we all made a B line to get a hit from the tit. 

It was pretty sweet. 

It ended up at his house later that night, I heard, for his NO on 9 benefit party. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1992_Oregon_Ballot_Measure_9

  The wrap party itself was pretty cool, because Tom Robbins the author of Cowgirls showed up to the tiny little bar they had rented. 

The premier that afternoon, was a trip as well. It was the first showing ever and in the opening credits he had JUST ADDED a dedication to River Phoenix. 

River was in Gus’s “Private Idaho” and was also in Cowgirls. 

Pretty sad day. 

There were a lot of actors in this film that made cameos and also just NW legend types. 

We had hired a kid to help us on security and he told us he was the son of Ken Babbs. 

His name was Simon Babbs, and he was a total sweetheart. 

His father was joined at the hip with Ken Kesey and these cats were the real deal when it came to being there on the edge of counter culture. 

They practiced what they preached, and also I wanted some of the sacred sacrament. 

This was the guy who turned the nation on as far as I’m concerned and punks is hippies.

Well… I put my request in via the son of the gun who road shotgun with Kesey. 

It came through. Nice stuff. 

Years later, I would end up on the Further Bus with Ken Kesey’s son, buying sheets of acid art (non electrified!), but that’s another story.

ON BOARD FURTHR2 WITH ZANE KESEY 

We also had a dude on our crew that was training to be a fire fighter. 

He and his lady had recently split and he was moping around, being a sad sack. 

This really got to him and his good friend could really notice his mood changes etc. 

He actually felt sorry for this hard working kid and saw his determination to be a fire fighter, to train all day and then come and do this stupid job. 

So this friend put pen to paper. 

He told Aaron’s girl that she was really missing out on a good guy and that if she maybe just gave it another shot, who knows?!?! 

I watched this whole thing go down. I then watched him give Aaron the note, to give to his uncertain lover. 

And that “friend” of his was none other than Keanu Reeves. 

That guy was so down to earth and a genuine, righteous dude. 

I don’t know if this whole thing worked for the girl or not, but I sure know it worked for me. 

It was one of the coolest things I’ve seen. 

Really…. From Bill and Ted to Rivers Edge, that guy may come off like a “HImbo”, but I saw just the opposite. Totally aware and compassionate person.

I would like to thank Jerry for letting me make mad money while getting to zip up Sean Young’s dress when she couldn’t reach it. 

For being able to help Crispin Glover get in character. 

He had asked me for a cigarette and I told him “I don’t smoke! I don’t have any cigarettes.” 

He said “Neither do I.” and walked away. 

It was totally Crispin Glover. 

CRISIN GLOVER AUTOGRAPH.

He later walked past me holding a cigarette very awkward and asked me how to hold one. Weird dude for sure.

And, thanks Jerry Sandifer for putting that ad in the Rocket. 

If you hadn’t we would have never met and I would have never met Ken Stevenson. 

It’s this connection that brought my wife and I together. Ken would come to mean so much to me in my life and would later marry me and Darcy. 

Jerry and I would eventually live together for a while, 

THIS IS ME PLAYING JERRY’S GUITAR (WHICH I OWN) PLUS THIS IS AT THE HOUSE WE LIVED IN TOGETHER ON SHERMAN ST. IN BETWEEN CHRIS TENSE FROM POISON IDEA AND THE BLOODMEN HOUSE.

We would also play music in a Halloween themed cover band called the Punkins. So, I guess the ad did work… Just took us a while.

Kind of a full circle thing… 

Friends for life my brother.