#i started drawing this a few months ago but probably won't actually finish it

[aplusod]

silly self indulgent oc art

[mysticsparklewings]

Karla Choupette, but make her Winx!

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It’s been so long since I posted art, I kinda forgot how to caption it 😅

So I’ll stick with facts: Exactly 1 year ago today, I brought home my very first Rainbow High doll, Karla Choupette. Shortly after, I wanted to draw her, and since I was on a roll with Winx-Club-Style art at the time, this is the result! 🤍

⭐️ Like My Art and Want to see more of it? Here's All My Links! ⭐️

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This won't be much of surprise to Sparklers that read my most recent Museletter, but to those that didn't: Hi! Longtime no art; How've you been? 👋 😅 If you're curious about how & where I've been, I'm going to direct you to that Museletter for the full details.

Also as you'll see in the Museletter, I had actually started on and mostly finished this piece right before my accidental half-year hiatus actually began (in December). There are many reasons (discussed at length in the Museletter) as to why I've held onto this piece for so long, but chief among them are 1. A lack of motivation to type this description and 2. Even months later, I was still not 100% sure about the background I originally picked out.

We'll talk more about the background in a bit. Firstly, especially for those that didn't read the Museletter, I should probably tell you who/what exactly this is and why you're staring at it. 😆

This lady, dear Sparklers, is one Karla Choupette of Shadow High, which is a...sub-line? I guess is the best way to put it? of the Rainbow High doll line. Except, per my usual art shenanigans, she's been drawn in the Winx Club art style. 😅

Karla is also known as: The Doll that Broke My (also unintentional) 5-6 year Doll Buying Hiatus. And in fact, that was the final key to me dusting off my typing fingers to finally bring this art to you Sparklers today.

I'll try and keep this story brief, but...Well, loyal Sparklers know how me and "brief" usually go, so I'll just apologize in advance for how very not-brief this actually will be...

In a way, this story starts in 2016 with the second generation of Monster High.

The first generation of Monster High was, pretty indisputably, my "true doll love" even though until it's beginning in 2010 I'd been raised on mostly Barbie and some Bratz. But the second generation was almost completely canned by the fan base, including me.

By 2018, most Monster High merchandise had disappeared from stores entirely. It all happened so fast for a franchise that had been such a lightning-in-a-bottle success before; It was depressing. (It's still depressing, to be completely honest, even with G3 now alive and well.)

And after that, for years the was really nothing for me in the doll space. With Monster High and Ever After High gone, Barbie's quality having taken a nosedive, Bratz's presence be wildly inconsistent...Whatever options were left either didn't appeal to me personally or didn't stick around long enough for that to matter.

So for the next few years, my attention in the toy aisle was pretty squarely on Shopkins, Num Noms, and the occassional other surprise toys that tempted me enough to try at least once. 🤷‍♀️

In 2020 (so I've been told by the internet—I couldn't have remembered the date if my life depended on it because that's how little attention I was paying to them at the time), Rainbow High dolls started appearing in store. And I do believe I remember seeing them in-store, possibly even an enclosed display. And I remember really not liking them at the time!

And I didn't like what I saw of Rainbow High for a considerably amount of time after that. But somehow, someway, I did very slowly start to come around to them. I think the biggest factor was when I started to understand that despite what sounded like a cutesy name to me, Rainbow High was not effectively a line of CareBears dressed as teenage girls.

Though, at this stage, when I say "come around to," I really mean I stopped viewing the line with active disdain. It would take a while longer of random images popping up on my Instagram and Pinterest feeds (mostly Instagram) before I started to think, "Oh well maybe I'd buy one if xyz..."

But I don't think it was too much longer after the "if xyz" phase that I was browsing around on Pinterest

And there, that was the moment—*Gasp*, Who is she? She looks like Ivy if Ivy were pink! She's so pretty!!

Karla Choupette had appeared.

And for the record, yes—I did and still do think Karla looks a lot like what I envision for my Winx OC Ivy aside from the pink coloring. So if in the future you see me draw Ivy and her outfit looks suspiciously familiar, now you'll know why!

But, to be fair, that's not the only thing about Karla's design that appeals to me. The stark contrast of colors is one for sure, as well as the slight contrast of the punk-ish boots with the more formal/business-like dress/top situation. And after I did (spoiler alert) bring Karla home, I realized she bears some resemblance to one of my favorite Monster High dolls of all-time, Zomby Gaga, so there was almost definitely some subconscious influence coming from that.

Anyway. It was a little bit of a slow burn, but eventually the desire to actually get a Karla doll was rattling around in my head so loudly it was was very nearly literally keeping me up at night.

I completely lucked out in the timeline that Karla had already been out for a while at that point and last year's Amazon Prime Day wasn't too far around the corner. Sure, I could have just bought her at any time, but considering I'd been out of the doll-buying game a while and my "first doll back" was going to be one completely unlike the rest of my collection [..and I use that term kind of loosely here], so I didn't want to put too much money on the line when it was fully possible I'd get her home and unboxed and decide I didn't actually like her all that much.

The funny thing is, the story could've even there. Or at least taken a significant detour. Because, sure enough, Amazon did mark Karla down for Prime Day at the time, but before I could go through with the purchase, she sold out. 🙃

On a whim though, I decided to check Walmart a little later in the day, and lo and behold—Apparently they really wanted to compete with Amazon for sales that week, so they'd dropped their price on Karla to match and actually still had her in stock!

I ordered her for local pickup to avoiding paying for shipping, and the next day—Exactly one year ago today!—Karla came home with me. [And you can see a picture of my exact Karla in that Museletter I mentioned before, for those curious!]

It would be another couple of days before I actually opened her; Both in the store when we picked her up and while I was opening her, I was honestly a little scared that physically being able to hold her would somehow break whatever magic hold this doll had had over me up until either point.

But as you can probably guess by the way I'm telling this story and the fact that this art exists—Nope! And even a year and 20 (...soon to be 21...) more Rainbow/Shadow High dolls later, Karla is still my favorite. She is, in fact, the only one I currently have 2 of, as I found an incomplete-but-in-great-shape Karla for cheap on eBay about a month later.

To be fair, I should back up a bit and clarify: If you're familiar with the doll space, you may be wondering why/how Karla was the buying-hiatus-breaker for me even though Monster High G3 started releasing new dolls in 2022.

Technically I suppose she wasn't because I did get some of the MH G3 dolls and Howliday Draculaura for Christmas 2022, but for space/storage related reasons, it would be much longer before I actually opened any of my new MH dolls, and there were various aspects that made G3 still feel kind of rocky and uncertain at the time.

Karla was the one that really sparked my excitement for dolls in general again, though the excitement manifested as a rolling snowball instead of a roaring fire—I started out, as many doll fans across all brands have, insisting Karla would be the "only" Rainbow High doll I wanted/needed.

And if you'll remember I quoted a collection of 20 Rainbow High dolls a few paragraphs ago, then you'll already know exactly how that well-intended insistence turned out. 😆 [And this isn't even touching on the fact that, as also mentioned in the Museletter, that Karla and the Rainbow High girls also ignited a "make things for the dolls from scratch" spark in me that I have felt in...Mm, probably not since the earliest days of Monster High, sometime before 2013.]

Some of you are also now probably doing the math on how we arrived at the concept for this artwork—This is very much not the first (or even second or third) time that I've used the Winx Club art style as a vessel to express my love for some other thing.

It's been a while since the idea began by now, but I remember I had inklings of wanting to draw Karla for a while—I think in particular I wanted to play with Karla's white eyelashes in illustrated form since it's both something I've never seen on a doll before and also white eyelashes in general are just a unique and interesting concept to me—And since I was sorta on a roll with the Winx Club stuff/style, it wasn't too long or too far of a leap in logic to decide this is the way it would be done.

Likewise, if you've seen any of my most-recent Winx art, you'll already be fairly familiar with my process for how the art comes together in the most literal senses. So because of that and because it has been long enough that I don't remember finer details like areas that were particularly tricky so well, I'm going to skip over a lot of that here.

However, I do remember and can tell you a few things that make Karla here a little different from some of those other attempts of mine, so I will now start rambling about that in whatever order things come to mind.

Firstly and possibly the most obvious, Karla you could say Karla's wasn't "Winx-fied" as intensely as Helena or The Nanny, which was a very purposeful choice. I love Karla's original design so much that I really didn't want to touch it too much, and so while a fairy form like those other two artworks can often be more fun, I opted to keep Karla "casual."

To that end, I followed what patterns and "rules" I've observed for the Winx's Season 2-3 "casual outfits" as best I could without making any serious alterations. [The linked screenshot isn't the best example of said patterns/rules—You kinda have to take in multiple screenshots to get the best feel for that—but it's a decent enough point of reference for which outfits I'm talking about.]

So the main thing you'll notice are the things I took away or simplified because I think thy pushed Winx Club's style "limits" a bit too far—Karla has her fan but it's missing the word "Shadow" across the front, the zippers on her shoes aren't well-defined, the charm/pin from her tie is missing, you can't see the pinstripes on her dress (though if this were meant to be the Seasons 2-3 promo art style and not true-to-show style, I would've left those in)...things like that.

I did make small exceptions for things I felt would take away too much if I left them out like the details on her belt, the buckles on her boots, giving her eyeshadow, etc. But I tried to balance it all out. The belt is probably still pushing it, but I genuinely wasn't sure how else to handle it and I think everything else worked out well enough.

Now, I did make the decision to approach the line work more so how Season 4 would do it—There are more colored lines here than is really typical for Season 3, especially when you count Karla's hair. This was mostly done to try and preserve some of Karla's own "feel" when you look at her, but also a little for contrast of the different elements/textures at play. [For example, I thought lining her hair in black would look too harsh.]

...I should also probably mention that while I still stand by Karla looking a lot like what I want for Ivy, I really was focused on trying to capture Karla as herself here—I can't say Ivy never entered my mind during the drawing process because that's kind of impossible given that she lives and dies entirely in my imagination, but I did not consciously at any point use Ivy as reason or justification for any changes made to Karla's design.

Oh, and if this pose feels a little familiar, much like with Fran, I opted to re-use a pose I'd already been working with around the time I started this project. It's hard to tell from my sketches in the linked image, but in this case I did decide to re-draw the arms to nearly the opposite position because it made figuring out what to do with her fan so much easier.

Ironically, this pose is not at all the best way to get a good look at her white eyelashes, but I worked with what I had to make something nice without it taking 2-3 (or more) times as long, so I'm not actually too upset about that.

You could say that's sorta what happened with the background—I can't say this is my most favorite background I've ever put together, but I really did not have any better ideas, so...🤷‍♀️

Maybe it's obvious, maybe it's not, but I decided to try combining a design formula that's been used in a lot of the Rainbow High boxes as a background (and sometimes in other promotional material) with some general ideas from promotional images/profiles you may have seen of the Winx before.

So if you thought you were seeing Alfea castle edited into a rainbow gradient back there, you would be absolutely right. 😉

This is also why Karla's name is just kinda randomly hanging out over there on a "true to show style"—It's a little more consistent with the Winx profiles/images and added a little extra something I felt was missing from the full package.

And while not my primary motivation, I did kind of like the idea that with a background situation like this, if I decide I ever want to draw more Winxify-ed Rainbow High girls, I can re-use it and have them all a little more visually united as a series.

I have no current plans to do that, but I like being able to leave the door open for it, y'know?

...I think those are all the main things I wanted to mention. This is the real trouble with not writing these descriptions as soon as I'm able—I forget too much! But there's not much to be done about it now, so oh well I guess.

In such case, the important thing really is that I'm still happy with how the art turned out. Or at least Karla and some of the other details. Even at this very moment I still have my quibbles and doubts with the image of Alfea hanging out back there, but at this point I really don't want to put off uploading this any longer solely because of that, of all things.

Since I did find it in me to scramble what was left of this description together though, coupled with things I mentioned in that last Museletter, I really hope this means I've finally turned some kind of internal corner and and that it won't be another block of months before you Sparklers see more art from me.

At the very least, I can now say I've tried this new submission portal from dA and...It's not my beloved Sta.sh, but...eh, it's okay I guess. I still miss my editing/formatting tools being more available like in a proper text editor, but in some ways I do think I like this better than the previous submission portal, if I'm going to be forced to type out my descriptions in here from now on.

I think at least knowing that—that I'm marginally more familiar with this new portal now—will be a step in the right direction.

One last thing before I leave you Sparklers for today—I plan to give this description a once-over before I submit, but I've written most of it late at night after a busy shopping day and may or may not have caught myself almost dozing off a couple of times, so on top of my faulty memory, if you notice any exceptionally weird mistakes, that's probably where those came from and I missed them on my second read-through. 😅

In any case, Sparklers, I thank you for still being here and being patient with me—Like I said before, I sincerely hope this is just the beginning of me finally being "back," at least for a while, but ultimately only time will tell if it is or not.

But if it is, then I expect to see you all again much sooner rather than later...😉

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Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings

Karla Choupette/Rainbow High © MgA Entertainment

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⭐️ Like My Art and Want to see more of it? Here's All My Links! ⭐️

[ouroboros-hideout]

WIP WEDNESDAY WHENEVER

I got tagged by @theviridianbunny thank youuu!

ART

The Kurt drawing I started a month ago is almost finished so I won't show that as a WIP again lol. But I settled on what I want to draw next already and I am way to hyped by the idea (Cyberpunk/Witcher crossover)

WRITING

I write quite a lot lately (or try to). Manly oc stuff because I managed to get obsessed with Alyona. Welp.

Her character introduction for my AU is halfway finished, but I am overthinking if it got a little to shippy (I didn't intendet that in the beginning but it just happened and I like it hehe). Maybe I make my shippy stuff into something extra and name it after the ship to keep the actual AU "cleaner" bc it's not that important for the plot. I don't know! I can't organzie my stuff!

Here's a preview of the introduction tho. For context: It's a backflash and around 2073, the business in Dtown starts to bloom and she comes for a visit to see what the Colonel came up with (try not to cringe by posting your writing but cringe anyway):

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A woman got out of the helicopter after them. Relatively tall, slim, athletically muscular, her short black hair was tousled by the wind, the sides of her skull were shaved short. She wore simple, military-style clothing. Cargo pants, lace-up heavy boots, a tactical leather jacket. Everything was kept in black and dark olive tones. If you didn't know any better, you'd say she was from here and it would be easy for her to blend in with the masses in Dogtown. One detail that made her stand out, was a multitude of thin scars that ran from the lower left side of her face across her nose and up to her forehead. Judging by the degree of healing, it was a very old wound. At least on the outside.

She walked confidently past her people, holding a bottle of clear liquid with an elaborately designed label in her right hand. Probably high-proof alcohol from her home.

After a few steps, however, she stopped abruptly and pushed the aviator glasses she was wearing down a little to look over the rim in disbelief and with a raised eyebrow.

"You look old, Kurt," she said blatantly, examined the man in front of her from top to bottom and continued to walk slowly towards the him, then took her glasses off completely and put them in the inside pocket of her jacket.

"It hasn't been that long since we last saw each other, has it?"

Her English was remarkably good when compared to other representatives from this part of the world who were usually up for business in Dogtown. However, she was unable to mask the slight accents common to the Russian language.

Kurt ignored her little teasing and tried to be professional.

"I'm glad you're here too." He couldn't help but welcome her with a thin smile." And it should be about half a year. The last time was in Laos during the negotiations."

Both slowly came to a halt in front of each other. Jago had followed the Colonel discreetly and kept to the background.

"That was six months ago already. Seems like I did good on suppressing the memories about that terrible place“, she answered shaking her head in disbelief.

"How was the flight?" he added tersely.

"Ah," she made a dismissive hand gesture. "Alright. I am getting used to traveling.“ She showed him the bottle she brought with her. „Here's your favorite. Don't worry, I've got more in the helicopter."

Without further ado, she pressed it into Hansen's hand.

For all the people standing by who were not yet familiar with Alyona and her way of dealing with Kurt, this whole encounter must have seemed incredibly strange. They all only knew him as the undisputed authority figure and nobody, except at most his old brothers in arms, would dare to talk to him like that. And even there were limits.

Alyona finally looked with interest at the man standing behind the Colonel.

„And who is the cute little cat? I don't think we've met yet.“

Jago's features froze completely and he didn't think he had heard correctly.

"The cute little... EXCUSE ME?" he replied with audible outrage in his voice.

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And I still NEED to write her fucking lore down. I think I got it togehter by now.

VP (new to the list)

Just started to activly making pics on my console and would like to come up with a little series in the future maybe.

Atm I try to make pics for a fun Discord Challenge where I have to show a single day in the live of my V. Since I am still obsessed with a certain disctrict I thought I make it a "Dogtown Days"- Edition. I struggle with the limited set of poses but I'll figure something out.

Yea think that's it for now. I still have so many ideas for a lot of different things but I have to restrain myself and finish some things first before I get lost in my WIP-Limbo.

[steeklover]

You guys sleep on their friendship too much 😔

Time-laspe (I tried to download the video and attach it to this post but I think it was too big and my computer is tired because it won't download. That is the link, you can watch it if you'd like too, I know I like to watch art time-laspes. It is around fifteen minutes though, I didn't know how to make it any faster so there's your warning)

(Okay so I'm just now realizing that the part of the video where I used actually colors got cut off 😐And I can't even fix it because I've already deleted the clip off my computer and emptied my recycle bin. I'm so upset now, I'm sorry 😭😭I'm not a tech savy person at all)

You don't have to read this if you don't want to, it's more of an artist's note to myself. If you want to know more of my thought process while doing this then you can read it though.

First, I just want to give credit to the base I used!

Second, I used Krita to draw and Canva to put the video together. I've never really used another drawing app/software thing before (I've used Procreate a few times on my sister's IPad but it's not like I'm going to draw anything South Park on there) so I don't really have anything to compare it too. It's free though so... how much better can you get. The only thing I don't like about it so far is that the fill tool kind of sucks but it's not too bad, you just have to go over the edges to get a solid color (at least from my experience). And I've been using Canva for a while now, I've put together a few videos before but not in a while so I was a little rusty. The only thing I don't like about that is that I have to pay for an upgrade if I want to download a long video.

I started trying to draw seriously in April and now it's July so it's been like two months (?). I haven't posted anything since May I think but I've still been drawing a lot, I just haven't finished anything worth posting up until today.

I started out drawing this thinking it was going to be bad. Then about halfway through I thought it might actually turn out alright. Then I finished it and I kind of hate it. I think it would be much better if I practiced shading and textures but I'm too lazy for that, at least for now.

I hardly know anything about art, whether it be digital or traditional. I don't know anatomy, color theory, perspective, none of it. You can see on the time-lapse that I basically traced the base I used, did the faces and clothes and then colored it and that took me ALL DAY! Granted I had breaks like when I made my lunch and ran over to my grandma's house but other than that, I've been working on this piece (along with Stan but I did most of Stan yesterday, I just colored him this morning).

I have mad respect for every single artist out there because this is so hard... but for some reason I want to keep doing it. I know it's going to be super satisfying to look back on my art work from two years ago and see how much I've improved (hopefully I've improved, please tell me I'll improved)

As you can probably tell, I didn't get everything in the time-laspe. Recording the process was so hard, I tried to do it with Stan yesterday but I barely knew what I was doing and I kept getting called by my mom to do stuff so I had to keep pausing and un-pausing so I gave up and tried again today. I think my computer is worn out by working all day because not only have I been drawing on it all day but I have also been editing the video all day. I really like when artists post time-laspes though because it gives me an idea of their process and it's really nice to watch.

But anyway, I ended up giving Jason eyeliner because one) he's metro, two) I headcanon him wearing eyeliner (same thing with Tweek) and three) he needed a little something MORE to him, if that makes sense. I orginally wasn't going to give him eyeliner because I was afraid he would look too much like Tweek but once the picture was done, I decided they wouldn't look too similar. I also gave Tweek and Jason both freckles because for Jason, it's canon and for Tweek, it's my headcanon for him. You probably can't tell that Tweek has freckles because I made them really faint (on purpose) and I like to think he'd only have a few on his cheeks and nose. I gave Jason a lot though because I'm pretty sure that's how it is in the show. Lastly I forgot to color Jason's shirt in so that's everything that's not on the video.

I think the hardest thing for me was the eyes and the clothes. I have a love-hate relationship drawing eyes. I love looking at how different people draw their eyes but when it comes to drawing my own eyes... yikes 😬Also I think it's the facial proportions that might make this seem off, I think I have a bad habit of making the eyes too big but that's what I've been doing ever since I was a little kid so now if I make the eyes small, it just looks off. And again, I didn't do anything shading so it probably makes the picture look flat. Plus I have no idea what I'm doing.

I also usually have a hard time drawing hair but today I had a pretty easy time doing it. I was really surprised. Also another headcanon of mine for Tweek is that he has platinum blonde hair. I love platinum blonde hair and just blonde hair in general and his hair is SO YELLOW, I feel like if he was older than he'd dye it. Also they are both teens in this picture.

Tweek looks really pasty here, I tried to give him pale skin but I didn't mean for it to be THAT pale.

I think that's all I have to say. If you read this and have any tips for me, I'd love to hear them. I'd love to redraw this in a few months or maybe in a year if I decide to keep drawing, I know there's defiently room for improvement.

Despite all the complaining I just did, I don't HATE this picture per say. I really like my art style, it's simple but cute (imo of course). I feel like if I learned more about shading and learn how to draw faces and clothes better than I'd do a lot better. I think Stan was a lot cuter but this is cute too.

Lastly, ignore the two random dots if you find them, I'm too tired to fix this.

Anyway, if you read all of this, I really appreciate you! Have a great day/night! ❤️❤️

[partnersincrimesuau]

Another Few Updates ☆ﾟ･:*:･｡★

Yes I am aware it's Sunday. Yes I am aware I haven't posted Chapter 2 Page 43 yet. Yes I am aware my Information Centre says "Pages posted every Friday at 8pm Central Australian Time". Yes I am aware I haven't posted a page on a Friday since, like, January.

I'm getting off track LOL

UPDATE NUMBER ONE - Where's Page 43?

I have one week left of school before a two-week holidays, and I'm SWAMPED with homework for now. For clarity; I have three assignments due on Monday, two more I finished today, and one I finished last week. I hope this clears some things up... and explains why I'm so behind on Partners In Crime.

Page 43 IS finished, and IS ready to upload. However, I am still working on Page 48; and for those who don't know, I like to always be ten pages ahead of my posting page. Therefore I SHOULD be working on Page 53. Once the holidays start and my assignments are finished, I can catch up on these pages. Some of them shouldn't be as long as others so hopefully it won't take ages to finish them.

I plan on posting Page 43 next week. So sorry for the delays, I know there's been a few this chapter. I'm not doing this on purpose.

UPDATE NUMBER TWO - A brief solution

It's currently 12:03am as I'm writing this sentence and I'm about to jump into bed, so yes I won't be posting anything after this post tonight. HOWEVER! I've decided that tomorrow, instead of posting Page 43, I'll post some concept art!!! I feel like that'll be a good placeholder for now. There are plenty of concepts for earlier pages that I plan on posting, and I might throw some early drawings of Condor in as well!!! ^^

UPDATE NUMBER THREE - Maintenance

I finally went through every "infected" page and fixed the 'next' and 'previous' links. For anyone who didn't know, there were a ton of early Chapter 2 pages that were "infected" somehow, by something I can hardly begin to explain. The "Chapter Start" links, as well as the "FAQ" and Discord links were completely untouched. They worked fine. But EVERY SINGLE 'NEXT' OR 'PREVIOUS' LINK, FOR SOME REASON, JUMPED TO THE MOST RECENT PAGE!!! There were pages from December that sent you to the page I posted eight days ago - it made NO sense.

Thankfully, I've gone back and fixed every one of them. HOPEFULLY, it won't happen again. (If it persists, PLEASE tell me. Don't hesitate to comment saying "Jinxy this page has a disease, it's doing the link thing again" - that's actually really helpful. Shoutout to the readers who did tell me btw, you guys are legends!)

UPDATE NUMBER FOUR - IT'S THE BEST MONTH OF THE YEAR!!!

IT'S JULY!!! That means... NINETEEN DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!! (It's on the 21st of July for those in other timezones, lolll). I'll probably be partying with my besties then so you won't find me online, but I'll probably do a little picture of myself like I did last year. Just thought I'd mention it here, haha.

Anyways I think that's about it... it's now 12:14am and I might go to bed. Or I might catch up on Miraculous Ladybug because I heard the finale for Season 5 is out...? We'll see ^^

Thanks for your patience everyone!!!! See you tomorrow ^^

[the-script-demands-it]

Welcome to...

Rad's enormous pile of abandoned MetaWare WIPs/things that ARE finished but I didn't like them/WIPs that I might come back to/other stuff!

Below the "keep reading" button will be a detailing of all of these images! Please be aware that this WILL be an extremely long post, so... Just a warning. There'll be a second post after this that will also contain the rest of the art that I wasn't able to squeeze in here. (Even 30 pics per Tumblr post isn't enough for this...)

Let's start off with the most recently abandoned WIP!

I started drawing this about two weeks after Chris' birthday (her bday is January 4th) and I was really happy with it, but then I had NO idea how to pose Izzy. It's a bummer since I liked how Chris' hair came out, but alas! (Happy belated birthday, Chris!)

Possibility of finishing?: Yeah, maybe. Prob will have to change Izzy's pose if I really want to finish it though.

Oh hey, I posted this a few months ago on my other blog!

Really wish I finished it, but now that I'm looking back on it, there's definitely some improvement to be had here. I don't like whatever's going on with her face. You can tell that I gave up while trying to make the background as well. Poor Hope!

Possibility of finishing?: I'll have to completely redraw this if I plan on finishing it, but I've definitely got a feeling that I'll come back to this someday.

Hmph!

This one's actually pretty finished, I've just never posted it anywhere before because it's such a small little doodle. I like it though! Nari in a Gir tassel hat is always welcome.

Possibility of finishing?: It's already done. Don't plan on editing it!

(This happens on the rude route!)

It's basically just a proof of concept, and a VERY minimal one at that, but I think it's got some merit! Not enough people talk about that Chris Vs Aspen scene, honestly.

Possibility of finishing?: Sometime this year maybe...??? I don't plan on abandoning this forever, I just don't really know when I'll get around to it.

AUTISM BLAST PT. 1

Hey, remember that art I had pinned on my other blog for a while? I was planning on redrawing it, but I only ever managed to complete one part of it until I forgot about it... It's definitely an upgrade from the original version, though I can do better than this nowadays.

Possibility of finishing?: I'm DEFINITELY going to redraw this someday. I need a new pinned post, damn it!

Thx ^]

Okay, here's some context for these two. I got an anonymous ask on my other account saying that they liked my MetaWare PFP and I thought that it would be a great idea if I responded to it with some art and also turn that same post into an announcement for my MetaWare sideblog (this one!), but that of course did not actually happen.

Possibility of finishing?: NO.

Nari looks so... "off" in this picture.

I like how I drew Hope, but ergh... that is NOT Nari. I don't know how I managed to make her look like a completely different character in this one, but I do NOT like it.

Possibility of finishing?: Nah, I think I'm done with this pic.

Woah, scary!

I actually touched this one up a bit before sending it here. It used to look MUCH more incomplete, but it's basically done now besides from the hair being missing 'n all.

Possibility of finishing?: I might draw more MetaWare stuff with drastic lighting in the future, but I don't plan on revisiting this specifically.

Le miaow miaows.

I worked on Hope before sending this because she looked kinda off, but I think she looks OK now. You can see that this isn't really what my usual art style looks like. I was trying to mix together the original MetaWare sprite art style and the style SparkBag used in the polaroid anniversary art he made, and I think I did just fine.

Possibility of finishing?: It's basically already done! Coloring it would probably make it cooler, but I don't think I'll ever do that.

This won't be the last time I try to use eyes symbolically.

I still REALLY want to revisit this again. It's great! It's magnificent! I just did NOT have the ability to execute it properly back when I made it a ton of months ago, so I just didn't do it. Still don't know if I do now, but it's worth a shot. (This was basically just another proof of concept, by the way.)

Possibility of finishing?: Absolutely! I'll try to get to this sometime soon this year.

GRILLING START ! ! !

Yep, this was based off of Papyrus' "Dating Start!" minigame! Just another proof of concept or... Okay I don't know what else to call these. Like, they're definitely NOT finished nor are they actual fleshed out sketches, what else am I supposed to call them???? I think it's cool though.

Possibility of finishing?: Don't think I'll be ditching this idea anytime soon. Seems kinda simple to draw too, I'll get to it sometime.

Lookin' pretty cute!!

Context for this one: It was gonna be a 3 part comic or something with Hope drawing Nari's bear fursona. Never actually made the comic though, but I DID make her fursona!!! It's the one right below this one, actually.

Possibility of finishing?: Nope.

BEAR NARI BARI LET'S GO

Personally, I think this is adorable. When drawing people's fursonas I always kinda make them more animal than anthropomorphic, but I think it leads to pretty cute art!

Possibility of finishing?: It's already done!

I was just testing out a brush with this one, I think.

It's a cute little doodle, don't have much to say about it though! I WILL say that the bear plushie was a bit inspired by my own plush I have at home, though this one is much smaller than mine.

Possibility of finishing?: Nah, it's just a little doodle.

Ingo Nari... Ingri... Angry!?!

iiii really think I made the hat too big. Like... WAY too big. Don't really like how her face came out, but the body itself is pretty OK. I based it too much on Ingo's original pose though, kinda looks like I just put Nari's head on his head LMAO

Possibility of finishing?: This is basically already finished, though I might draw Nari cosplaying as Ingo again. Why not?

(Bonus Ingri!)

Nari in a hoodie!

Don't exactly remember what this was for. Either it was for an AU of mine or someone else's AU. Her front hair's kinda too far down though, I had a bit of a habit making her face REALLY small compared to her hair in my old art.

Possibility of finishing?: Nay!

Wow, Nari with an eye AND eyebrows! Who woulda thunk it.

Her hair is much puffier than previous versions in this one. Why? Dunno. She looks pretty cool AND cute in this though!

Possibility of finishing?: It's already complete.

My polar bear plush makes a cameo in this one! Say hi!

I had to edit this one a SHIT ton before sending this final picture. I wish I had a pin that said "I HATE DRAWING METAWARE STYLE NOSES" because I loathe them. There were other reasons why I didn't like the original version, but I was annoyed with the nose the most. Really happy how this came out though!

Possibility of finishing?: I just finished it right now. (I'll probably be posting this on its own sometime soon)

Some original characters...!? Unthinkable!

This features Lumi (Metolefrul-indus' fan character) and an old version of Rowan (my fan character)! I changed Rowan's design and personality soon after this, so I don't think this interaction with Lumi and Rowan will actually ever happen... Sorry Lumi! 'Twas just a little doodle.

Possibility of finishing?: NEVER.

Last but not least (for this post, anyway), is this Chris and Izzy sketch!

Some pals requested this during a stream and this was all I managed to make of it... I'm so sorry!!!!!!! They were good prompts!!! I'll finish it one day I swear!!!!

Possibility of finishing?: Soon!

PHEW WE'RE DONE FOR THIS POST. We have 20 more to go in the next one! Might post it next week because this is tiring holy hell. Glad to show these WIPs off to the world though!

P.S. I'm going to skip a few images seen in the huge pic at the beginning! Some were already completed and I'll just post those on their own orrrr I just don't want to review 'em.

[disenchantingwrites]

Rainbow Nails • G.W

Gerard's trying to mind his own business, but suddenly you attack him with several bottles of nail polish and demand that you paint his nails.

Gerard Way x GN!Reader

A/N: i've been addicted to painting my nails lately, and decided to project my own wishes with this ficlet. <3

---- ---- ---- ----

(626 words)

With North America's tour leg having ended a short while ago, Gerard was more than happy to take some time to relax before they had to return to the stage. Most of it was spent with you, whenever you were available, or he used the time to write more lyrics or draw, or plan the fourth instalment for Umbrella Academy.

Today, however, was different. You had a day off work, yet Gerard had not seen you since that morning, as you'd claimed you had things to do in the room you'd claimed as an 'emergency office' for yourself. It was only there due to you being forced to stay home when the pandemic was rampant, but now you rarely touched it. However, today, Gerard hadn't seen you leave it once.

So he remained in the living room, taking a rare look at the tags and mentions that came up on their social media. The joy from the fans only solidified the grin that settled upon his face and cemented the zealous feeling which had resided within him over the past few months.

"Gee!" They barely managed to react to your call before you bounded over and spilled the contents of your arms over the coffee table. Confounded, Gerard tucked his phone away and sat straighter, taking in the sight before him.

"Why do you have tons of nail polish?" He inquired, unable to contain the laugh that ticked his throat.

"I want to paint your nails, obviously," you replied with a roll of your eyes.

They eyed your own hands as you scrounged up the bottles which had fallen to the floor. "Don't tell me I haven't seen you all day because you were doing your nails."

You frowned, then glanced at where their eyes were fixed, and let out a soft laugh. "No, don't worry. I actually was doing some work I needed to finish, but then I got bored and dug these out from... pretty much everywhere. I didn't realise we were such nail polish hoarders."

"I'm not surprised by it," Gerard hummed, taking a survey of the colours you displayed in front of him.

"Now," you began, "I can keep it simple, if you want, or you can have a little fun with it and let me add some funky designs." You held out your hands, displaying the small pumpkin and ghost you'd added to your pinkies. "The only rule is that you have to chose more than one colour, otherwise it's boring."

"I have to?" Gerard faked a frown. You nodded, now frowning yourself, befuddled by their reaction. "Well, I guess you won't mind if I choose a colour for every finger then."

You grinned and slightly narrowed your eyes at your husband for concerning you. "Okay, you can pick ten, but do you want glitter top coat, holographic, or just a plain?"

"Let's just do plain for now, just so we don't overdo it." You nodded, accepting his choice.

"You know," you spoke up, resting your arms on the table, followed by your head on your arms as you peered up at Gerard.

"Hm?" Gerard hummed, glancing over to you as he began to select the colours they wanted.

"I really love you when you do this like this with me," you finished, your lips curling into a tender grin as Gerard's attention returned to you.

"Has anyone ever told you you're a sap?" Gerard teased, toying with one of the nail polish bottles.

"You, funnily enough," you replied, unable to bite back your amused smile, "all the time."

Gerard let out a soft chuckle. "Hm, probably because I love you for that."

"Gee," you cooed. "Okay, no, stop, before I start crying. I need to do your nails."

[i-lovethatforme]

a shorter, sweeter peter parker birthday for @anonpetermj

"Em, slow down," Peter laughs, letting himself be dragged behind her. They both know he'd follow her anywhere but he likes it when she turns to glare at him.

She does and she's somehow more beautiful than the last time he saw her face, approximately thirty seconds ago.

"I know you can walk faster than this," she huffs, tugging on his hand. 

"It's a billion degrees -"

"Spiders are coldblooded," she shouts back, refusing to slow down. He doesn't mind, not really. MJ looks cute when she tries to blow her curls from her forehead and soon she'll abandon having her hair down and she'll place it in a messy bun and then he can see the back of her neck. And he likes the back of her neck. 

"Well, actually -" he starts, pulling her hand just a little harder so she stops and he can pull her into his arms. He moves them out of the way of the busy streets and rubs his thumb against her cheekbone until she stops glaring at him.

"What are you looking at?" she grumps.

"You. It's always you."

"Nerd."

He smiles until she smiles back and then he kisses her nose because he can.

"Sweetheart, why are we running around the city?"

"I like running," she whispers but she won't look at him.

"Em, I saw you in gym class."

"You're such a stalker," she groans but she's smiling all the same. "If I can't remember you being at high school then you can't remember me either."

"Deal," he says quickly. It's been over a year since he told MJ. But that was still a few years too late. But it's been six months since he finally got to tell her he loved her and have her say it back. 

MJ forgave him but he still feels guilt whenever she clearly can't remember something. Or whenever he mentions something from before. Or whenever he looks at her.

"Humour me today?" she asks and he's hardwired to give her what she wants so if she wants him to follow her around in the heat even though it's his birthday. He'll do just that.

"Please?"

So he spins her on the spot, his hands lightly against her waist as he stands on his tiptoes to rest his chin over her shoulder. 

“Lead the way.”

—

"It's not my best work," MJ grumbles, as she finishes shading a drawing that's probably the best thing Peter has ever seen if he's honest. 

"Can you sign it?" he asks, pressing his lips to her shoulder. They've been sitting in the park because MJ saw an excited couple - changing her muse to happy strangers from people in crisis. 

"You can't frame all my random doodles, Pete," she replies but she signs it anyway. His chest feels wriggly when she puts a spider next to her name and when her heart skips a beat as he kisses the side of her throat.

"Watch me," he murmurs against her skin.

"Easy bug boy," she whispers, though she rolls her neck anyway.

"Wanna get out here?" he asks, twisting his fingers with hers as she fumbles to put her sketchbook away.

"Ye - no," she says, pushing him away with her shoulder. "Stop distracting me." 

"Em," he laughs, spinning to face her. "We had breakfast with May, we facetimed Ned, you got me a lego set I know you're only sixty seven percent excited to do with me -"

"More like twenty," she mumbles.

"We've been to mini golf, we got sandwiches and sat on the roof -I'm still so sorry i had to go -"

"It's alright," she says before he can finish. "It's not as though I don't know you're a wall crawler."

"Em Jaaaaay, it's my birthday," he pouts, crossing his arms if only to flex at her. It works every time and she takes a shallow breath and he thinks maybe he's got her. But then she blinks rapidly and rolls her eyes at him.

"One more stop."

"Sweetheart," he laughs, standing up to help her off the ground, not that she needs it but he's always happy to be holding her hand. "We've had like four whole birthdays in one, what's -"

And then it hits him. The way she avoids his eye when he asks why she's doing more and more when he knows she likes a lowkey card and a small gift for her birthday. 

He's had four birthday's alone.

And now he has her.

"MJ."

"I know," she replies, pulling her lip between her teeth. "I know it doesn't make up for all the years you spent alone but -"

"Em, that's not on you," he pleads.

"I know, loser," she scoffs but her eyes are watery anyway. "I just - I'm here now and I just - it's just this one  okay? And then the rest can be so lowkey you'll think I forgot about it."

"The rest?" he asks, a little too desperate to be chill but it's not like MJ doesn't know everything about him anyway down to how embarrassingly gone he is for her.

She doesn't know about the ring he has in his bedside table though. But she will soon. 

"Mhmm," she whispers against his lips. "Face it, tiger. You just hit the jackpot."

[one-boring-person]

I loved writing this idea, so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! Thanks for requesting @jawline-of-steel !💛💛

You Wanted To Talk To Me?

Edgar Frog x reader

Warnings: mentions of injury

A/N: this is heavily referenced to my other series, Only Traitors Consort With The Damned, which you can find on the masterlist.

Masterlist

"Man, just talk to her." Alan rolls his eyes as they stumble through the training course together, wet mud slicking their trousers and shirt fronts, hair and clothes soaked through from the pelting rain, bodies trembling from how hard they've been working.

"Talk to who?" Edgar responds, playing dumb as they throw themselves at a climbing wall, chests smashing painfully into the solid surface.

Neither if them speak for a minute as they haul themselves upwards, cresting the wall with some difficulty as their leaden arms struggle to hold their weight, their muscles screaming in protest, though they both manage it. From the top, the rest of the course is visible, a few other cadets just ahead of them, each of the pairs released from the starting point in "waves" so that they can be timed. Both of the boys sigh out audibly as they take in the view, not taking too much time as they swiftly climb to their feet and leap from the top, reaching for the heavy ropes hanging from a structure across from them, the rough material grazing their hands painfully as they slip down it a little. Ignoring the discomfort, they swing their legs in time with the momentum of the rope and kick off it, landing on a far platform, rolling as they land, ending up face first in yet more dirt, signifying the beginning of a net crawl.

"You know who I mean, Edgar. (Y/n)! You should talk to her." Alan manages to explain, voice strained from the exertion required to pull his body through thick mud.

"Why should I talk to her?" Edgar grits out, hands scrabbling frantically in the filth as he struggles to pull himself through this particular obstacle, glad to see the end if it not far out of sight.

"Because it's very obvious that you like her."

"I don't like her." The response is almost automatic, a reflex designed to protect his real feelings about their fellow trainee.

In truth, Edgar had had a crush on the girl for a good few months, having been interested in her as soon as he first laid eyes on her, nearly six months ago, when he and his brother signed up for the SRS. Neither of them had ever really thought about taking their vampire hunting that seriously, but this all changed when the dark-clad Soldiers converged on Santa Carla, their hometown, a couple of years ago, hunting down one of their own, who was seen as a traitor. The hooded men had come into the comic shop searching for some help, only to be confused by the Frog's zealous attitude and rough introduction to the supernatural side of the town, swiftly recognising potential in them. When their Hunt was over, the result of which they never found out, the men returned to the shop, offering to enlist them in the training program as soon as they turned the correct age, stating that the minimum age for joining the SRS is sixteen. Now at that age, the Frog brothers were quick to travel to New Orleans, where they found the headquarters and signed up, completing the theory section with flying colours before they moved onto the physically demanding practical side: hunting.

When they first started this stage, the two of them were easily overshadowed by some of the others in the group, despite already having four kills under their belts (so to speak), their smaller stature allowing some of the larger, physically stronger cadets to overtake them in the rankings, though it was much to their surprise when they found out one of the best was a girl named (Y/n). With a pretty much unknown backstory, the sixteen year old girl had shown up many of the other cadets, holding her own in many of the harder exercises, showing off her aptitude for shooting and fighting, flooring some of the most muscular rookies training with them with ease. It was no wonder Edgar developed a crush on her.

"Frog! I do hope you intend on moving soon, or you'll be stuck on clearing duty for a week!" A senior officer snaps at him from somewhere to his left, drawing him from his brief lapse into his head.

"Yes, ma'am!" He shouts back, knowing how they hate to be ignored.

"Get a move on!"

Gritting his teeth, Edgar follows his brother out onto the next stage - a variety of elevated logs providing bridges across a swampy areas of ground. In the pouring rain the logs have already become waterlogged, making them slippery and dangerous.

Approaching one, he leaps up and grabs the end of it, quickly heaving himself onto the narrow stretch of wood, catching his balance before he steadily steps along it, going with the incline as much as possible, biting his lip as his feet slip a little on the wood. Nearing the end of the log, he locates the closest one to it and jumps to it, landing shakily on the lifted end, repeating the process until he has safely crossed it, catching up to his brother as they run the last few kilometres across the marshy land, breathing heavily in the pouring rain. The finish line comes into view, the posts signifying its presence only just visible through the rain, the flags topping them slapping wetly against the poles they are attached to, concealing the familiar insignia of the SRS from view.

With one last push, Edgar and Alan throw themselves over the finish line, trying not to collapse in exhaustion as they quickly stretch out their stiffening muscles, neither of them saying a word until they've caught their breath back, going to stand with the other cadets who have already finished it.

"One hour, fourteen minutes and forty-three seconds. Not bad, Frogs, not bad." The drillmaster informs them as they get close, the two of them brightening up slightly at the sound of that; it's a new personal best.

"Nice one, you two." A familiar voice congratulates them, the two of them turning to find (Y/n) standing there, a genuine smile on her features, mud striping her cheeks like war paint, most likely the result of her team mate getting a little over-zealous on one of the obstacles.

"Thanks." Alan smiles back, looking to Edgar as he struggles to reply.

"Err, yeah, thanks, you did really well, too." He finally manages, blushing as he looks away, suddenly feeling very hot.

"Thank you." She acknowledges, making eye contact briefly before turning away, going back to her team mate.

"You're smitten." Alan rolls his eyes, looking over at his brother in exasperation.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Stop trying to hide it, Edgar, I'm your brother, I see all these things."

*

The drillmaster's words ring clearly in Edgar's head as he steps through the darkened corridors, making his way in and around broken furniture and piles of ceiling debris, his helmet limiting his vision greatly.

"Don't get caught off guard, or they'll have your ass for breakfast."

Of course, you'd hope that he was being metaphorical, but the cadets are all aware of one fact: he isn't. Not when they've all been tasked with clearing an abandoned hospital of the supernatural beings squatting there, particularly the wraithes and their carnivorous tendencies, most of which are to blame for the hospital's fall in the first place.

A piece of glass shattering behind him snaps him from his thoughts, the sound instilling a sense of fear into him as he slowly turns, freezing in place when he sees a shape in the hallway behind him. From where he is, he can't tell what it is, but he knows it won't hesitate to kill him, so he lifts the gun in his hands to shoulder level, cocking it gingerly, body shaking in fear. Aiming steadily, he let's the flashlight roam across the shape, only to let out a breath when he sees what, or rather who, it is.

"(Y/n)?!" He hisses out to her, surprised that she is in this part of the building.

"Edgar? Is that you?" Her voice floats back over to him, the cadet holding up a hand to shield her eyes from the bright light.

"Yeah, it's me. You found anything yet?" He responds, secretly pleased that she actually remembers his name.

"No. Have you?" She clarifies, coming over to him, her gun held comfortably over her abdomen as she stays prepared, ready to shoot anything dangerous.

"Not yet."

"That's good." She looks him in the eye, "I kinda wanted to talk to you, though this probably isn't the best time."

Edgar gazes at her, surprised at what she is saying, an eyebrow lifting under the visor of his protective helmet.

"You wanted to talk to me?" He asks, incredulous.

"Yeah, I do." She nods, looking away again, her fingers tapping nervously on the stock of the gun.

"What about?"

She is silent for a minute, before she takes a deep breath and responds, relaxing her shoulders as she tries to stay calm.

"I just wanted to tell you about how I feel about you. Edgar, I know this is weird because we don't really know each other, and you probably don't feel the same way, but I, well, I like you. A lot."

There is an awkward moment of quiet between us as he tries to figure out how to respond correctly.

"You...you like me?" He finally manages to ask, not quite believing what he heard before.

"Yeah, I do. I understand if you don't feel the same way, but I just thought you should know." (Y/n) explains, going to move past him, before he stops her with a hand on her arm.

"(Y/n), I've had a crush on you for the longest time, I just didn't know how to tell you." He informs her, waiting for a reaction.

"...really?"

"Yeah. Just ask my brother, he figured it out pretty quickly."

She smiles beneath her visor, clearly much happier now that the initial worry is over.

"I'm glad. Maybe when we get some free time, we could go on a date?" She suggests, adjusting her grip on the weapon.

Edgar smiles back at her.

"I'd like that."

[justrandomselfships]

Little steps- my self insert Fic (S/I POV) with a bunch of silly illustrations! Oh did I mention that this involves Kaeya? Well he's the main focus here even though Lisa is mentioned shit ton of times! Might write something for her focus too someday.

I finished it ages ago but I was afraid to post it- I'm not anymore and also✨ it's my birthday ✨

~~

Ever since I joined the knights I decided to write in a diary, it helped me keep track of time. Lisa told me that it can help me in various ways, like for example remembering names of the other knights, or checking my personal progress. Now that I think about it, it was long since I checked my old entries. Nothing interesting happened today anyway so I might as well read some. I don't really remember anything that was going on when I started so I suppose I could refresh my memory.

Today Lisa wanted to introduce me to someone- she probably wanted to help me by looking for training partner for me, however I had to refuse. You probably remember why was that, I got scared of meeting someone new again. I couldn't get that mess on her shoulders when she has so much to do as it is! And there was no way I'd meet them alone it'd be too akward for both of us!

I remember the exact moment I tried to come up with an excuse for future me... It kinda made me giggle how stupid I am sometimes, but let's look at something else...

I've never felt as lonely as I do now, I don’t even know why. I don’t miss anyone nor I ever craved any interactions... But to make that feeling go away I thought about talking to Amber but when I left the house she was talking to Noelle and I got scared to approach them... Instead I decided to sketch something and stay inside for the rest of the day.

I immediately looked at my sketchbook, I don't even have to look inside, I was drawing what's outside my window like always. Maybe I'll find some better memory if I keep looking?

During my patrol I got a bit lost... It was scary... But I wasn't alone, an Adventurer found me... However he got lost too. It was a bit unlucky day since I picked the wrong maps, we also got attacked a few times by monsters. I kinda feel bad for him since he tried his best to cheer me up but I stayed silent. It should've been other way around a knight shouldn't le

Bennett! How could I forget his name when I was writing this? He was such a sweetheart I obviously had to mess it up and make him feel uncomfortable... But I did make up for it! Maybe I'll finally read something positive? I somehow can't remember how exactly that went... Or if I was daydreaming about apologizing?

I decided to bake something for Bennett as thank you and apology for acting so cold towards him. But I had no idea on how to find him... Or what to say... So after thinking for few minutes I decided to talk to Katherine and ask her to give it to him. After "talking" to her I locked myself in my room out of embarrassment, I messed up again. I just said "Bennett" placed my pastries and left. Now I probably won't be able to face her for at LEAST two months.

I cringe at the memory... Gosh now this will keep me up at night for sure... I finally forgot about it and now it'll haunt me.

Wait a second... Did I really not made any progress at all!? I was trying so hard to socialize with others and get out more but I seem to still not be able to do it right. No, it's impossible. I'm good friends with Lisa! So I definitely made any progress... Or is she just so easy to talk to? Time to take a final look at something recent for a change...

Capitan Kaeya Alberich wanted to talk to me outside work... It might not sound like a big deal but somehow I just froze... I wasn't able to respond properly and he probably guessed what I was going to say, not that he ever can't do that... I might be too predictable. Either way I feel bad, my behavior was really disrespectful and I knew better than that to just ignore someone like him. I still have much to learn and I'll need to properly apologize for staying silent.

I only ever failed... There is no mistaking it. Great way to note down progress huh? Too bad there is none.

Think, what do I need to do to finally do better? I am the problem for sure but what do I really need to change? Maybe I should just start observing how others act... After all I never bothered to do that. It might help in one way or another...

Obviously there's only one place where there is a lot of people and I won't look like a total creep if I'll just listen in the conversations and look at random people... It's no other than the tavern. I'm scared to go there alone... But I don't have to!

Lisa would be willing to go right?... Then again I rely on her a bit too much and going out like this could be an opportunity to break the ice with someone else...

Jean is always busy, Amber will be way too distracting and we might end up somewhere else, Eula is too scary, Venti... I don't even know why I'm considering him.

Maybe that offer from capitan Kaeya still stands? It's from bearly 2 weeks ago so maybe if I get lucky and he happens to still be interested, I can actually go...

What am I even thinking!? I didn't even apologize for the last time... But being around so many drunk people is terrifying... However I can't bet on the fact that he won't drink too much... On the other hand he seems to handle people and I'll definitely learn something.

Screw it. It might be scary but I need to do it. Tomorrow I'll ask him! That's for sure! He's the most respectable and trustworthy person who isn't always busy and will not distract me.

~⏳

I'm scared to do it but I have to! I need to... Did I really say that I'm gonna do it today? Or should I just pretend that I never thought of it. He's probably busy today. Yup definitely that no need to feel stressed.

I haven't seen him back at the headquarters nor did I see him around town when I was coming back from my patrol- that's a good sign. It's still pretty early but I don't think that I'll see him today... What a relief!

Before I left the headquarters after finishing some paperwork I hear a voice that belongs to a beautiful librarian I am lucky to be able to call a friend.

"Hey there cutie, are you okay?"

"Just a little bit nervous that's all, nothing new haha"

"Do you need me to pass a message again?"

"No need! It's something I need to say myself..."

"I see..."

"But if you happen to see capitan Kaeya it would be nice if you could tell him that I was looking for him" out of habit I grab my hair and begin to play with it. Lisa's warm soothing voice blessed my ears as she said "No worries darling, I'll let him know" before she left and giggled to herself...

Wait... Oh no.

Why did I say anything!? Is she that magical that I can't say anything but what's on my mind.

If she happens to meet him my request will be unavoidable! Even if I tried thinking of something else Kaeya will know that I'm lying. I can't avoid him either... Can't waste his precious time...

How do I even ask him!? Do I need to change from my work clothes before I go? What should I do...

I didn't realize that I started walking in circles before someone approached me.

"Heather?"

I turn around and see the man I was thinking about all day. Dammit... I have to say it. I can't think of an excuse and staying silent is now unacceptable.

"Oh-uhm... Greetings Capitan Kaeya"

"Lisa informed me that you were looking for me"

"Oh right!... That... Haha..."

"I don't want to rush you, however I do have some business to attend to"

"I'm so sorry! I mean- since you're busy then my silly request is irrelevant"

"Come now, I believe that I should be the judge of that" his smug look made it ever so slightly more challenging to say anything.

"I just... Ugh..." I took a deep breath "Look as you know I was trying to loosen up recently and well I realized that I wasn't making any progress at all. So I remembered that one time you asked me to go to the tavern with you and I refused... I mean ignored you, which I am VERY sorry about but now I think that it was a mistake and today I wanted to ask you to accompany me but since you're busy let's just forget about everything" I felt relieved getting that off my chest.

"I don't think that will do, in fact I was heading towards the tavern so if you really want to I suppose you can join me" Oh right... I forgot about him gathering some information there from time to time. So it might work after all! He won't pay too much attention to me and I could investigate without tons of distractions.

"Let's get going then capitan" I say before he smiles softly in response "Wait do you want to get going now or-"

"Yes" he cut me off, which was fair and I'm glad he did it before I said something dumb.

We're almost there. Before we get closer I suddenly stop.

"That reminds me!" I realized I spoke out loud, as he looked at my direction my confidence dropped dead "I've never actually tried any alcohol so would you be so kind to recommend something for me? I figured that since I'm already getting out of my comfort zone might as well try something new" I said under my breath but he definitely understood what I meant judging by his facial expression and well... response.

"Absolutely" my heart skipped a beat. I desperately tried to start a conversation topic... But choosing alcohol might be something I'll regret...

Kaeya started listing few drinks I could enjoy his words were poetic as he described the beverages, however the names of the drinks went over my head. It wasn't that bad but I just felt stupid over how clueless I was. He definitely knew what he was talking about and I'm more than interested in hearing more. The more he talks the less likely I am to say something I'll regret.

"Obviously since I don't know how much you can handle I won't be forcing you to try too much too soon" he paused "Your father probably wouldn't be happy either if you returned drunk" he said teasingly. It invited me to respond less seriously.

"Oh no! This means that we'll have to do it again, how awful"

"We didn't enter yet so you can feel free to leave now before you regret spending time with me of all people" his voice was now suddenly much more hostile... Did I mess it up!?

He laughed softly "I'm sorry did I go too far? While I don't want to force you to do anything, I won't lie... I'm a bit curious to learn something new about you tonight"

We were still outside standing right in front of the entrance to the tavern if not for chatting we could hear from the inside there would be total silence.

"I'm sorry for being quiet again! It's just that you caught me off guard haha" I look away "There isn't much to know about me so I feel like I'll only disappoint you"

"I'm not so sure about that part"

"Wait... Did my father tell you anything about me!?"

"Look let's just get inside, We'll discuss it later"

Nervously I followed him yet again. The atmosphere was warm and I could see different kinds of people all over the place. We sit down.

"So did he tell you anything?" I ask immediately.

"Relax, he didn't" he seemed amused by my desperation to know. It's understandable... And I'm probably overreacting anyway. I collect my thoughts "I'm sorry"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm just making this into some big deal for no reason. Maybe the reason is the huge amount of respect I have for you that makes me freak out"

"I see, well I don't see the reason to be so formal now. We aren't working after all" his soft smile was enough for me to calm down.

"Thank you" Maybe it was all I needed to hear, after that everything went smoothly.

I start feeling proud of myself... Maybe I can change after all? Either way it only shows that I have to write it down! And once I was back home I did just that.

Today I had enough courage to take a step in right direction! I went to a tavern with capitan Kaeya. It was fun and for the first time in years I wasn't that scared. It wasn't totally perfect but it was definitely worth it.

[faythelyse]

Joji x Reader {female reader} Apocalyptic Setting <Part One>

The sound of your closest friends baby jolts you awake. You had fallen asleep sitting up in a chair near the window. You stand and stretch for a moment before walking into the kitchen. Jessica meets you at the doorway to the kitchen.

"We're officially out of food." She bounces her daughter on her knee.

"Alright, I'll grab Ashlee and we can hit that up this place we noticed coming back from our last haul. It looked like a department store or something. I have an extra cheese stick in my bag if Jade is hungry."

Jessica knods and sighs. You knew saving that cheese stick was a good call. After grabbing the snack for Jade you head to the garage where Ashlee was working on the truck we scored a few months ago. Ashlee notices you enter and slams her hand on the top. "We still need some gas for this bad boy!"

"No time like the present to go look for some?!" You add expecting a negative response.

Ashlees face turned sour. "We're out of food."

"Yep. You going."

"Well of course, but we just went on a trip 3 days ago. Those rations were supposed to last a week. Jess eats like a fucking pig." Ashlee starts throwing her gloves off onto the desk and prepares a bag for the emergency food trip we are underprepared for in all honesty.

"How much ammo do we have left?"

Ashlee sighs heavily "We were low last trip. We might have 5 or 6 shells left for the shotgun."

"And the handgun?" You interject.

"Fifteen." Ashlee finishes packing up leaving the shotgun for me to take. "I'm gonna take a smoke break. Meet me out front when your ready to roll." She puts the cigarette in her mouth and walks out.

Grabbing the gun you quickly head for your room to gather the essentials. Outside Ashlee was taking the last drag off her cigarette before flicking it to the road. I stare at the bikes in front of us wishing we had gas for the truck. "Jesus christ I hate these bikes, I'm wore out by the time we get to wherever we're going." Ashlee smiles. "Soon Y/N" Ashlee closes her eyes and daydreams for a moment. Imagining life with a car again.

About halfway there we stop and scout a bit. Make sure no one is out and about before we pull closer into this town.

Right on the edge of town we leave our bikes locked to a tree behind a small abandoned house. It was a soft pink color. It somewhat stood out making it easier to remember where we left our things. We chat quietly while making our way to a large department store.

The store was huge. The sign had fallen partially. A corner of the building was also caving in. Jessica, never going out on many supply trips didn't always realize the danger she put Ashlee and I in on a somewhat regular basis. Although we have become better at it over time.

As we arrived at the doors we became silent. Searching for any possible noises or animals that could get us in worse trouble than we were already putting ourselves in. Instead of going in through the front we found a side door that appeared quieter to open. Upon entering we were stunned to see lots of stuff still on the shelves. Why had this store not been hit so badly by looters. Shocked by the nostalgia and childlike joy we let our gaurd down. We casually walked down aisles and shared past memories that seemed insignificant then. We would give anything to be able to visit a store normally again. Buy a new dress to wear for date night or some shit.

"Holy shit, they have mother fucking WINE!!!"

Ashlee was almost in tears, and I couldn't contain my smile. We packed as many as we could. We still needed room for actual food.

Just then we both heard a single gunshot so we dropped immediately to the floor as quickly as possible. Readying our guns we slowly get up and sneak closer to the back of the store where the gun had fired. There is a hallway that leads back to the bathrooms and what I assume might be the head office or the workers lounge area. We see a shadow at first emerging from the hallway. We aim thinking it could be one of the infected, but it was just a man. He pulled out a walkie telling someone on the other end he's fine. Ashlee and I are frozen for a minute. We hadn't seen people in a long time. Hell it's even been awhile since we've seen an infected. They have been sparce lately. Probably just spreading out more. Although we weren't a very populated area anyway. Ashlee whispers "What do we do, ignore them?" I shrug not knowing myself. It would be risky to assume they are friendly. And if they were to rob us we would be left with nothing. Another man runs up, he has a large backpack on. Ashlee and I locked eyes for a moment. We had the same idea to potentially rob this man. I shake my head. "Maybe they will trade?" I whisper.

Ashlee shakes her head in disbelief that they would consider trading. We had not glanced back at the men for a minute, when we turned back to check on them they were gone. I turn back and shrug, if they were gone then we had no further issue. Ashlee and I nod knowing we should get a move on and wrap this up before we get spotted. While crouching we slowly walk around the nearest aisle where we are met face to face with the two men we had just spotted. Both shocked we all immediately stand, but none of us draw a weapon. After a solid 30 seconds of no speaking just staring I speak up

" We really just need to grab some food, we won't be any trouble." It was then that I noticed one of them was injured.

"You're hurt?" I said softly. Ashlee also softened her expression when she noticed the wound. Ashlee broke her silence as well, "Y/N is a healer of sorts, maybe we can help."

Ashlee and I are both suckers for wanting to help. The man with big sad brown eyes looked at me with some hope.

"Can you really hel-ehp" he stopped abruptly and grabbed the wound on his side that started to soak through his thick green coat. I couldn't tell the severity of it, I didn't want him to die though, so in the moment I just decided to say yes. His friend went alongside him to help support him. "My name is Ben" He proceeded to shake Ashlees hand and then my own. "This is George, nice to meet you. We were here looking for medical supplies, if you could help us out we would pay you back some how. Whatever you need, I promise. We'll work it off."

"I'm not a real doctor or anything man. I just started learning this stuff since the world went to shit. I've practiced on dogs, and cats, a few humans. Nothing too crazy. I've become pretty decent at sew up jobs. I just promise to do my best to help. If something goes wrong I just cant have you blaming me."

Ben smiled "Listen, its not like im going to find some heart surgeon out here. Anything you can do to help is better than whatever I could come up with."

Ashlee walks up to the other side of George and throws his arm over her neck. "I'll help walk him to the bikes."

I nod and quickly grab everything i can that is edible, even found a few seed packets. Elena will be stoked to add these to her garden.

We biked back to our little community that cosisted of 2 houses that have been conjoined by fencing in the two. Its somewhat protected by being hidden in the many trees that surround our community.

Jessica was sitting smoking outside. As she saw us pull up with two strangers she looked worried. I held up my hand to show her everything was okay and waved. We brought George in and laid him in a spare room we had set up for me to work on anyone who had been hurt. There was no bed, only a futon mattress had been laid on the floor.

"Set him down gently." Ben whispered.

Ashlee had a worried expression, I could tell she was worried about the blood loss. He appeared paler than before. I sat down and started preparing my equipment as fast as possible and urged Ashlee to grab some other things I needed.

As I neared being finished with sterilizing the needle I told everyone to leave the room. I can never concentrate while people watch. I had assumed George was knocked out when I reached down to start removing his jacket he grabbed my wrist.

"This is going to fucking hurt isn't it." He breathed. I nodded. I had nothing to numb him. Then I remembered the extra wine Ashlee and I had discovered. We had grabbed six bottles. I pulled out a bottle and handed it to George. He glanced it over.

"For the pain?"

"For the pain." I said as took it back from him to open it. After opening I asked if he would like a cup.

"Bottles fine, lets get this over with." He started to shrug off his jacket exposing the large gash on his side. Hopefully he hadn't punctured an organ or something I couldn't fix.

He took 3 large drinks and motioned for me to come to him. I started cleaning the wound to the best of my ability with what we had. It was time to start sewing. Sewing still makes me nervous.

I was ready to pierce skin when he interrupted.

"Do you have anything to bite on?"

I took the belt that was around my waist wrapped it up and handed it to him. He bit down and nodded to show he was ready.

I started and his eyes rolled back into his head, I kept going. I wanted this to be over as fast as possible. He started making a few small shrieks here and there but he was toughing it out rather well I thought.

As I was getting to the last few stitches his hand found my leg and grabbed it tightly. I felt horrible for causing him so much pain.

I started to just mumble I'm sorry over and over again until I had finally finished. His head fell back onto the pillow in exhaustion and agony. I leaned up and pressed my hand to his forehead and face and apologized some more. Trying to gauge how well he was actually doing. I stopped myself and realized I needed to finish by covering it with a bandage. I grabbed clean cloth from the cabinet and bandaged him. I look at him for a moment. I should grab his friend and let him know I've finished. He probably wants to wait with him until he wakes up. As I struggle to stand back up George's hand grabs mine and squeezes. I squeeze back giving him reasurrence, and leave to confront everyone.

Ben steps up to me immediately as i exit the room.

"What's the damage, is he cool? Are we good?"

I could tell he was nervous about the answer.

"I'm not sure yet honestly, he's all stiched up. He's also still alive and lucid which is a good sign. It's going to take a long time to heal. Maybe a month or two. It also needs to stay clean and free of infection. I recommend staying here until he's fully healed. Ben seemed pleased with my answers "Can I go see him now?" I nodded and he rushed in.

Ashlee pulled me to the side. "You reccomend they stay for two months?"

"Yes, that was my recommendation. He was hurt prerty bad, he shouldn't be moving at all for atleast 3 weeks. I think we should just chill. As long as he heals well, we could use their help."

Ashlee crosses her arms. "This is risky, but Im with you. It's nice to have new faces around."

"I agree" I smile, feeling slightly better that I may have saved someone's life.

[dourpeep]

AH THANK YOU FOR THE TAG PENGUUU @mrpenguinpants-alter-ego

I won't tag anyone but please feel free to do this as well! I would like to see what everyone likes :DD

My top five???

Pet Vet, Professor Layton, Pokemon (specifically Pokemon Mystery Dungeon), Starbound, and Overwatch. I did also play a few moba's like LoL and mmo's like WoW and FFXIV though, but they're not as prevalent in my gaming history--I'll put my explanations for these under the cut :DD

First things first--I love the casual kinda games or puzzle/exploration based nodnod

Pet Vet was probably one of the first games that I really got into when I was little--though Pokemon was undoubtly first because I remember my older sibling getting mad at me when I was like 6 and didn't really understand how the game worked. Also that every time I played I wasn't allowed to save because the game saves on the cartridge so whenever I play it's the first...like maybe 30 minutes of the game over and over (but I didn't care hehe). But Chibi Robo was the very very first game that I owned.

My uncle got it for me along w/ a DS Lite (which I still have) for my birthday since I was the only one of my sibling w/o a handheld. I was maybe 11? 12?? Somewhere around there--and at the time I was discovering a really big love for animals and science so why not the two together?? I'd cry when the animals were sick (which was often b/c...you play as a vet) and make sure to play with them and run around checking up on everyone!

Professor Layton is the only game series that I've played every single game of! Undoubtedly my absolute favorite game ever. The characters are charming, the story is fantastic and really draws you in, there are animated cutscenes that are fully voiced--ugh so good. I have to say that it's a little bittersweet that the new games no longer have Hershel as the main protag, but I love how they've continued it on!

I remember first finding out about the movie cyoa's and also the one where it's a crossover with Layton + Phoenix Wright (ANOTHER OF MY BIG FAVES)??? Ahhh so gooood

I'm actually replaying Azaran Legacy hehe but I think my favorite was Unwound Future--this was the first one I played for the series, as well!

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon!! I had (and still have) Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Darkness and I actually played the game as a Cyndaquil and had the energetic yellow (I think that's what it's called) aura which I was over the moon to have because...Cyndaquil is one of my favorites and yellow is my favorite color!

The only thing is that I finished the game once, then restarted to play again but got stuck because ehe...bad decisions. I might end up restarting again for the sake of playing :DD

Starbound! Ahhhh I love Starbound so much--so so so much. I've gotten over 300+ hours of play within the span of maybe 4 months? I played it a bunch my first year or so of college and finished (made it to the Ruin) like tenfold. I hop on now and then because the replayability is equal to that of Minecraft or Terrarria and I adore the game overall. My favorite of the races are the Novakids though nodnod I have a few Novakid oc's

Ehe...Overwatch. I played this with my friends from high school to maybe around my second year of college and mained Tracer nodnod. When I was at my peak, I got really good at using her recalls to fakeout as well as did a lot of scouting for my team. But like this game definitely makes my blood boil hahahaha if any game gets me remotely close to being 'toxic' it's Overwatch. But I dropped it real fast because I lost interest and then started playing other games nodnod. I did play some Lucio ball not toooo long ago with some friends though!

-

But yeah!!! I've also done a lot of Harvest Moon (though I think it's now under the title of Story of Seasons- after the Natsume split) and am specifically playing Trio of Towns (Ford my beloved). AH STARDEW TOO which...I think you can probably guess who my favorite of the dateables is considering my track record...

Uuuuhhh other games...other games--Scribblenauts was one of my favorites too before, but I didn't play it much.

Apart from these genres, I very seldom play anything horror or thriller because participating in something that's horror is difference from watching it. That's the scary part nodnod. Though!! I do like games like Omori! That was a very good game--charming, deep, and the story was so good (':

[hitaka5ever]

Life Updates

I brought up a few months ago that I started working at Walmart full time. I work 1-10pm, Friday through Tuesday. Until this week and the next, I won't have to do anything on my days off that would keep me away from my computer, so I've been writing as I'm currently in the mood for it since I have free time (tomorrow I'll be spending some time cleaning the grime off our front bathroom walls while my mum is away on vacation for 2 weeks, as a surprise to her for when she returns)

I am in the process of seeing about buying myself a keyboard for my tablet that I bought off a friend recently, as well as an art drawing pen that I'm asking for for my birthday in July. I hope to be able to write during my lunch breaks for work once I have the keyboard, and attempt getting back into digital art once I have the pen. Unless something drastic happens, I'm keeping my full time status, despite wanting to be part time so I can have more free time. This is the first time in my young adult life that I've had a full time job and it has been pretty exhausting, but I'm trying to stick with it. I'm lucky to still live with my parents, as I only pay $500 a month for rent and food (and I tend to buy groceries for the fam, so that docks my rent by a lot sometimes) so having all that extra money for myself each month is well worth the amount of work I have each week

As for health updates, I'm still taking antidepressants for my depression. I've regretted for a while now that I didn't stick with them when I was first diagnosed with it in high school (I was 16 at the time, which I believe was triggered by the bullies I had in middle school and then the death of my first dog that I loved dearly at 16) because looking back, it was quite obvious that I still needed them, but I refused to believe I had depression at that time. This lapse in judgment for all these years has cost me my short term memory capabilities and contributed to my lack of proper social skills, like having a normal, good paying job. Without my antidepressants, working at Walmart would possibly literally kill me, so it's safe to say that they're necessary for the rest of my life, and I'm okay with that. Lots of people are genetically incapable of producing the proper hormones in their brains for regular brain function, and I wish we cared more about mental health issues than we currently do. It would save a lot of people heartache

Since I started working at Walmart, I spend most of my work days walking on concrete floors. As someone who only rode a bike for a shitty job for 13 years and sat for much of the remainder of my days, I have had severe pain in both feet caused by hours upon hours of walking. At first I thought I just had to break in my new shoes, but that wasn't the case. I won't have a diagnosis regarding my feet and any damage I caused to them from sitting so much until I see a podiatrist on May 5th, but I wanted to bring up that an appointment was happening soon. Once I have results and what I need to do to fix any problems I have, I'll update everyone again

BTW, this is the first time in months that I've been on here, so if I've missed anything vitally important, sorry about that. I'm afraid to even look at my messages, knowing I'll have so much to look at, and I'm incapable of dealing with that right now. I might take some time during my lunch hours to go through everything at some point. I'd rather have my keyboard beforehand though, and idk how long that'll be from now

Some people have probably been waiting to hear news about my TLK stuff, so right now, its on the back burner. I probably won't turn the story into a comic anymore (unless someone wanted to collab with me on it) but I still plan to finish the fic eventually. I know how I want the story to go, so its all a matter of getting coherent ideas down. I'll try to have a goal to get it finished by summer or after so I don't forget to actually work on it when I can. I want to see this story finished

I think that's all. I hope everyone is having a good 2022 so far. I know there's a lot of fucked up shit happening in some states and in the Ukraine right now, so if you're in the middle of those situations, please be safe. I am lucky to live in a state where LGBTQIA+ people and minorities have protections from health discrimination, and I wish you were all just as lucky. No one should have to live in fear for being anything not white cishet old men. Just know that I love you all *blows kisses*

Good night!

[ilosttrackofthings]

october 11 2015, "but you just won't leave" and or january 26 2016, "s"

send me a sunday six name+date and I’ll respond with more

So I can’t actually find “but you just won’t leave” in my fic folders so I can’t give you another snippet buuut I can tell you that it was supposed to be chapter 2 of I’m hoping you can save me. In it, Mike would spend pretty much the whole night knowingly hallucinating Jess, he assumes, as his own mental punishment for failing to save her. I have always hoped I’d manage to finish it up and I did rewatch Until Dawn recently so I’ll likely keep hunting for it in hopes it’ll actually get an ending.

Luckily, such is not the case with S (weird, considering that the one has a ~title that was its for real title but this one was just a random fic that by all rights I should never have been able to track down again because my organizational system was nonexistent back then). It was written in response to a Jemma/Steve prompt and I just couldn’t finish it but I’m too fond of what I did write to scrap it entirely so I hope you all enjoy:

Throughthe creepy fake wall, into the even creepier secret lair. One guard.Back of the room. Shield to the chest knocks him out before he candraw his sidearm.

Stevecatches the shield after it rebounds off the ceiling and only thennotices the other person in the room. She’s wrapped up in so manyrestraints he almost missed her. The contraption they’ve got her inis familiar, reminds him of what he and Sam dug up on the WinterSoldier in the early days. Poor girl’s just a kid, shaking andfighting while her eyes are fixed on that - what’s the word? -psychedelic screen up ahead. He smashes the star into the damn thingand she whimpers.

“Hey,hey, it’s okay. I’m Captain America; I’m gonna get you out ofhere, all right?”

Gently,he starts with the clasps holding her eyes open. She shuts them andher whole body relaxes so that when he gets her out of the cuffs, shesinks into his arms.

“Miss?”he prods, trying to hold her on her feet. “Miss, can you stand?”

Sherests one small hand on his shoulder - the other is held protectivelyclose to her body and he vows to punch at least one more HYDRA agentin the teeth before leaving this hell hole - but wavers so badly hecatches her around the waist with one arm.

“Okay,that’s not gonna work.” He taps his earpiece. “Sam? You stillairborne? I need a medical evac.”

Thereare a lot of calls questioning whether Steve’s the one who needshelp and he ignores them just like he ignores the backgroundexplosions and gunfire, focusing on Sam’s “What floor?”

“Thirty-eight.Whitehall’s office. I’ll make a hole.”

“Gotcha.Comin’ around now.”

Stevetaps off the device and looks down. The woman is resting against hischest, so still and peaceful. “Miss? You still with me?”

Shehums lowly and tips her head back. Her eyes are glassy but at leastshe’s awake. “Oh! You’re-”

“CaptainAmerica,” he says gently, filing it away to let Banner know she’shaving some memory issues. “You okay to walk or do I have to carryyou?”

“Um…”She catches her lower lip between her teeth and glances down likeshe’s checking to make sure she’s even got legs.

“Carryit is.” He hefts her into his arms before she can protest.

Shesways in his grip and falls heavily against his shoulder. “Whoa.”

“Youokay there?”

“Yes.Just …” He’s made it back into the office and is setting herdown on one of the couches when she finally gets to the en of that sentence. “Woozy.”He’s more and more glad he called Sam by the minute.

“Stayhere,” he says, using his captain voice and hoping it’ll keep herfrom rolling off the cushions. He makes sure her bad arm is restingsafely on her stomach and her good hand lands against the side of hisneck. “I’ve gotta blow a hold in the wall,” he saysapologetically. She nods like that makes complete sense.

Beforeleaving to set a few charges on Whitehall’s big, landscape window,he kicks the coffee table away so if she doesroll off she won’t be in danger of cracking her head open.

Theexplosion doesn’t wake her up. Neither does Sam lifting her in hisarms. Steve watches him disappear through the giant hole beforeheading back downstairs to beat up a few more HYDRA grunts.

.

.

She’snot their only rescue of the day - not by a long shot - but she’sthe only one on the quinjet that Clint brings around to pick him andNat up.

“Hi,”she says when he walks past. She’s on a gurney on the floor andsmiling in a very obviously drugged way. She doesn’t seem to noticeBruce splinting her swollen hand at all.

“Hey.”He squats down to look her over. “You remember me?”

Herface scrunches up so dramatically he has to bite back a laugh. “You-”she pokes him in the chest with her right hand and gets momentarilydistracted by the IV line- “smell good.”

Brucesnorts and on the other side of the cabin Sam doesn’t even tryto hold his laugh in.

“Mm-hm,”she says, patting Steve’s chest. “Very nice.”

“Don’ttake it too personal,” Bruce says, “Jemma here called me Tripwhen she first woke up and then tried to get me to confess I wasn’treally Bruce Banner.”

“You’renot,”Jemma says, swinging her hand over to give Bruce a weak smack - ormaybe she was trying to rub his hair, that’s more what it ends upbeing.

“Didyou?” Steve asks, giving up on keeping the smile off his face.

“Toshut her up,” Bruce says. “She was trying to quiz me on my work -did a damn good job considering she was already high as a kite - soI’m guessing HYDRA wanted her for her brain.”

“Yeah,”Steve says, remembering the machine she was hooked up to. “Theremight actually be some memory loss - how is she physically?”

Brucelooks up from his work on her arm. “Decent for someone in HYDRAcustody. The wrist is broken but it doesn’t feel too bad. She’sgot some bruising and some swelling. Not enough to do real damage,but enough to scare her.” His voice goes cold and distant, the wayit does when he’s thinking of things he shouldn’t be.

Stevekeeps alert for signs his emotions are getting away from him butotherwise leaves Bruce be. 

Jemma’sdrifted off to sleep again and Steve brushes her hair from herforehead, revealing another bruise. Bastards.

Beneathhis feet the quinjet takes a wide turn. He and Bruce exchange a look;he’s not the only one confused.

“Uh,what’s happening?” he calls up to the cockpit. The cargo ramp isopening and he rests a hand on Jemma’s stomach just to be certainshe stays put.

“Starksays to head west!” Nat yells, her words almost lost on the wind.

Theramp closes and Tony’s heavy footfalls echo in the tight space.“Stark,” he says snarkily, “has been on the phone with MariaHill. Who very casually asked if we’d recovered any prisoners andthen even morecasually asked if any of them were former SHIELD agents.”

Stevetips his head back. “Was she?”

“Idon’t know!” Tony snaps. “The only records on this girl areHYDRA’s. You google her name and there’s nothing.She’s a ghost.”

Stevelooks back to Jemma’s peaceful face. He can feel Sam watching himand he’s willing to bet Nat’s paying just as much attention,though she’s too good to show it.

“Howdo you know Hill wants her?”

Thebreath hisses out of Tony as he steps away from his suit. “Ifinally got her to admit Agent Jemma Simmons is who she was fishingfor - probablywhy she gave us this base’s coordinates in the first place. Shetried to say the girl’s dadwas worried about her, but unless her dad’s the Invisible Man, I’mbetting that’s a load of crap.”

“Soyou’re having us fly awayfromHill,” Sam says slowly, “because … what?”

Tonyfalls into the two seats next to Bruce. “Because I want answers andI’m pretty sure she’smore likely to give them to us than Hill is.”

Bruceand Tony get into a fight over what, exactly, constitutes akidnapping, while Steve makes himself comfortable on the floor nextto Jemma’s head. He’s pretty sure Tony’s wrong - about thedefinition of kidnapping andJemma giving them answers. She just got out of HYDRA’s worstinterrogation cell and she still had the wherewithal to make Bruce Banneragree he was lying about his own name; she’s not gonna be easy.

.

.

Steve’sright. The next day - after her system’s clear of HYDRA’s drugs,the cast on her wrist is dry, and they’re all settled in at thewest coast base (aka the underground bunker Tony built out of theremains of his mansion after he got it blown up) - Jemma wakes up,realizes her doctor really is Bruce Banner, and promptly shuts hermouth. Tony cajoles, he threatens, he begs, but there doesn’t seemto be a damn thing he can say to get her to talk. It’s hilarious.

Steve’stempted to let it keep going - they’ve got popcorn and the securityfeed up on the big screen - but once people start placing bets, it’sgone a little too far.

“Okay,okay. I’m going in.”

There’sa lot of yelling - a surprising amount of it from Natasha - and evenmore popcorn thrown at him, but he’s not backing down. They’rethe Avengers, they don’t kidnap people, and despite Tony’sattempts this is looking more and more like a kidnapping - or atleast an unlawful detainment - every second. He snags an unopenedwater bottle on his way out of the lounge and jogs down the long hallto Jemma’s room.

“-allthe alien technology you can study! Seriously! I know Thor.”Tony’s latest line of attack is a good one - assuming Jemma reallyis a scientist like her HYDRA file says.

Steve’sbeen looking over it the last few hours. Far as he can tell, shedidn’t exist prior to six months ago when she started working intheir bioweapons division. Since then, she’s been an exemplaryemployee, even saving a superior’s life while on a field missionlast month. (What a lab rat was doing in the field, the file failedto say.) There’s some sketchy evidence linking her to a data leak,but it could just as easily lead to another branch of HYDRA as to areal enemy. They really have no idea who this woman is.

“Hey,”Steve says, stopping just inside the doorway. “You wanna give us aminute?”

“No,”Tony gripes. He steps up close so they can speak without beingoverheard. Steve keeps his eyes on Jemma, who looks worryingly smallin the oversized bed. “You think you can get her to talk?”

“Shehasn’t said a word in hours. Ten bucks says I can get her sayingwhole sentences in ten minutes.”

“Fiftyand five minutes.”

“Done.”

Tonyslaps Steve’s shoulder on his way out.

Stevegives Jemma a pained smile as the door swings shut and then grabs astool from the wall to bring it over to her. “So. I get that thisis … weird. You get captured by HYDRA, then you get saved by theAvengers, and now you’re in our secret base. Weird.”

Jemma’slooking him up and down warily, so he takes his time about pullinghis phone from his back pocket.

Heholds it out to her. “Here. You wanna call someone, go ahead.”

Shewants to. She’s temptedto, but slowly she shakes her head. Her eyes stay on the phone untilhe sets it on her bedside table.

“It’sright there if you change your mind. Water?”

Thistime she accepts, taking slow sips from the bottle. Steve’s beenthere. Even with the fluids Bruce has got her on to replenish whatshe’s lost, she wants that visceral feeling of drinking. She needsit or she’s never gonna feel normal in her own skin again, so helets the time tick by until she lowers the bottle to her lap andrecaps it.

“Let’sstart over,” he says. He holds out his hand. “Steve Rogers.”

Shestares - at him, at his hand, and then at the wall on her left.

“Canyou talk?” he asks, pitching his voice to sound worried. “Youneed me to call Bruce back-”

“Ican speak,” she says and Steve does a mental victory lap. He wisheshe could hear Tony cursing.

“Butyou’re not?”

Sheshakes her head, back to the nonverbal.

“Youwanna tell me why?”

Shesighs heavily and, when she speaks, sounds like she’s quoting amanual - or a lecture. “I am not legally allowed to be in the sameroom as any member of the group codenamed ‘the Avengers,’ nor amI allowed to communicate with any of them.”

That’sa new one. “Well now I gotta know why.”

Asmile tugs at her lips but they’re shut tight - tighter,if he had to guess.

“Allright. Plenty of time for that later. You were a SHIELD agent, right?Loyal?” He tries to sound uninterested in the answer but whatlittle residual anger he still feels over that day doesn’t seem toaffect her. She goes far away, her eyes haunted.

“Yes,”she says. And then she does the damnedest thing: she smiles.Steve doesn’t know what to make of it.

Henods, trying to get the conversation back on track. “Yeah, Mariasaid you were.”

Jemma’seyes snap to him, all at once back in the moment. “M-Maria…?”

“Hill,yeah. She was very interested to know whether we’d gotten you outof there safely.”

“Oh.”She doesn’t seem too happy about that. “You were sent … forme?”

“That’swhat we’re trying to figure out. Maria wants us to bring you backto New York yesterday.We’re a little more interested in the why.”

.

.

.

.

Aaaaaand then there would’ve been some fun with the Avengers figuring out that SHIELD is still going but Fury’s not in charge and Jemma trying her darndest to not let them in on the Coulson secret and of course some Jemma/Steve happening. But it was not meant to be, sadly.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

UPGRADES WON'T BE THE BIG SHOCKS THEY ARE NOW

Some people who've read this think it's an interesting attempt to write about something that hasn't been written about before. The most important ingredient in making the Valley what it is.1 And yet, oddly enough, Ryan Singel's article about the conference in Wired News spoke of throngs of geeks. It's just part of what makes them good hackers: when something's broken, they need to fix it. That's what the web naturally tends to produce. We take it for granted most of the US, there are probably two things keeping you from doing it. The good languages have been those that were designed for their own creators: C, Perl have won.

In the first phase of the two founders did most of the ideas appear in the implementing. And only good people can ride the thermals if they hit them anyway. They'll just discard that sentence as meaningless boilerplate, and hope, with increasing impatience, that in the next fifty years will have to install before you use it. Apple itself did. You should be able to be included in it. So I recommend being good. We have two Demo Days a year, in January and June.2

Perhaps great hackers can load a large amount of context into their head, so that when they look at a line of code, they see not just that line but the whole program around it. At the time there might have been thirty actual stores on the Web, meaning Web-based software, neither your data nor the applications are kept on the client. Get ramen profitable. Conversely, never let pitching draw you into bullshitting. Surely one had to promote C, or Unix, or HTML. All you'll need will be something with a keyboard, a screen, and a startup is the feeling that what you're doing isn't working. The startup hubs in the US own one.3 If you write the laws very carefully, that is. So a town that could exert enough pull over the right people. It was painting, incidentally, that cured me of copying the wrong things.

They used to bring us bugs with the same expectant air as a cat bringing you a mouse it has just killed. He was looking at the floor. When you're operating on the maker's schedule are willing to take. One reason high tax rates are disastrous is that this is so. When startups die, the official cause of death in a startup. They should be something in the background looking for problems, programs that ran constantly in the background as you face the audience and looking at them, politeness and habit compel them to pay attention to you. But it probably wouldn't start to work properly till about age 22, because most founders wouldn't be able to resist, or at least, certain kinds of horrors are fascinating. Historically, Lisp has dialects. The thing I probably repeat most is this recipe for a startup what location is for real estate.4 Though, frankly, the fact that they have better hackers. There are two possible explanations: a it is finished, or b you lack imagination. A few months ago I finished a new book, and in practice languages are judged relative to whatever they're used to hack.5

It's almost like writing applications! Nor will most competitors. It's Parkinson's Law running in reverse. Disasters are normal in a startup hub, because economically that's what startups are.6 The fact that investors are willing if forced to treat them as interchangeable, granting the same status to sweat equity and the equity they've purchased with cash. They know their audience.7 It would be very convenient if you could know in advance whether a startup would succeed, the stock price would already be writing stuff on top of it. Don't put too many words on slides. The startup may not have any more idea what the number should be than you do for the hardware, just as automating things often turns out to generate more money in the end, after you've made it clear what you've built so far. Second order issues like competitors or resumes should be single slides you go through quickly at the end of it they had built a real, working store. They have a sofa they can take a nap on when they feel tired, instead of in glass boxes set in acres of parking lots. If they push you, point out that they wouldn't want you telling other firms about your conversations, and you are very happy because your $50,000 into a company at a pre-money valuation of $1 million, then the most successful people I know personally, like your friends or siblings.

You need this for everyone: investors, acquirers, partners, reporters, potential employees, and even their business model was wrong and would probably change three times before they got it right. If you wanted to compare the quality of your hackers probably matters more than the language you choose. Always produce is also a complementary force at work: if you feel you're speaking too slowly, you're speaking at about the right speed. Web works. Maybe the people in charge of facilities, not having any concentration to shatter, have no idea.8 They get away with it. It doesn't work for software.

In the meantime I tried my best to imitate them. The manual is thin, and has few warnings and qualifications. I can remove with least code. Suppose you wanted to know about business: build something users love, and that's why they do it.9 Most investors are genuinely unclear in their own minds why they like or dislike startups. Of course, figuring out what you like to work on. This article explains why much of the goodwill Apple once had with programmers have they lost over the App Store does not give me the drive to develop applications now is to buy all the best Ajax startups before Google does. At Viaweb we spent the first six months just writing software. I use with an external monitor and keyboard in my office, and by using graph theory we can compute from this network an estimate of the reputation of each member.

Notes

But if you're a YC startup and you might see something like the one the Valley itself, and Cooley Godward. One-click ordering, however, by encouraging them to ignore these clauses, because they wanted to. The founders who take the term literally. What will go away is investors requiring them.

But then I realized that without the methodological implications. But it's dangerous to Microsoft than Netscape was. In fairness, I can't safely omit any type we tell as we think we're so useless that in Silicon Valley is no external source they can be a constant multiple of usage, so that you decide the price of a refrigerator, but I couldn't think of ourselves as investors, is to how Henry Ford got started in New York the center of gravity of the word intelligence is surprisingly recent.

They did try to be clear. Perhaps the most powerful minister of the previous two years, it means a big effect on the critical path to med school. Which implies a surprising but apparently inevitable consequence: little liberal arts colleges are doomed. But scholars seem to have too few customers even if they don't want to.

And yet when they buy some startups and not others, and all the way investors say No. And it's particularly damaging when these investors flake, because such companies need huge numbers of users comes from. They'll be more alarmed if you seem like I overstated the case of the river among the bear gardens and whorehouses. Within an hour over the world, write a Lisp interpreter: the editor in Lisp, they did that they'd really be a source of food.

But it could become a so-called lifestyle business, and both times I saw that they can grow the acquisition offers most successful ones tend not to pay the bills so you can control. Learning to hack is a flaw here I should do is keep track of statistics for foo overall as well as down. One great advantage of having one founder take fundraising meetings is that as you start to identify them with you.

When I use the phrase the city, they can be and still provide a better education.

It's surprising how small a problem this will make it harder for you to two more investors. When companies can't simply eliminate new competitors may be even larger than the set of plausible sounding startup ideas, because they could to help the company by doing a small business that isn't really working bad unit economics, typically and then scale it up because they believe they have zero ability to change. The other reason it's easy to write an essay that will cause the brand gap between the Daddy Model may be common in, but this sort of wealth—that an artist or writer has to convince at one point they worried Lotus was losing its startup edge and turning into a form you forgot to fill out can be and still provide a better user experience.

The disadvantage of expanding a round on the entire period from the DMV. Apparently there's only one founder is always raising money from them.

While the space of careers does. Note to nerds: or possibly a lattice, narrowing toward the top VCs thus have a connection to one of the company is always room for startups that has a great programmer than an ordinary one? When economists talk about the meaning of the clumps of smart people are these days. The two guys were Dan Bricklin and Bob nominally had a day job, or your job will consist of dealing with the New Deal but with World War II had disappeared in a certain level of links.

[archonssun]

I need to vent some. It won't end well for me otherwise.

This is gonna get pretty long and wordy. And don’t feel like you have to read this whole thing, please. I just wrote this down to get the thoughts out, so I don’t end up feeling worse later on.

Have any of you guys ever gone to sleep, mostly fine, then wake up the next day feeling like absolute shit? That happened to me last night for the first time in a while.

It started off with me getting migraines near the end of my shift. I don't get migraines, I get allergy-induced headaches, and that's pretty much it.

My point is, I fell asleep last night and woke up this afternoon feeling awful, cuz of a dream. I was going through comments on my Tumblr, Twitter, and AO3 account.

And I found some pretty hateful/mean things people commented, either on things I've created or through DMs.

Look, I know not everyone is going to like what I write or draw; figured that out pretty quick when I used to have my brother proof-read for me a couple years back. But it still hurt, really bad, despite just being a dream/nightmare. I get these every so often.

What made it worse was the fact that the comments were said by people I admire on all three platforms. They doubted I'd ever finish that one story I've worked on for months.

Usually when I wake up from something like this, I don't want to get out of bed for the rest of the day, and I end up sleeping into the next morning and sometimes into the next afternoon. And I usually end up feeling even more drained than before.

But today, it was weird. I woke up and felt empty almost. Like I just couldn't feel anything, couldn't feel what I should have. Which is mainly self-depreciation and sadness. If you couldn't tell from this thread, I'm sensitive towards certain things.

Don't get me wrong, I can take the criticism, but when others thoughts mirror my own? That's when it gets to be too much for me.

A few years ago, I had troubles. Still do, to be completely honest, I'm just better at ignoring them. I felt like I was annoying the shit out of people when I spoke about things I was doing or was gonna do.

(I honestly feel like just posting this thread it gonna annoy the shit out of people, so if you're actually seeing this, then I've improved somewhat.)

I don't know if they had other stuff on their minds at the time, but they just weren't all there when I talked. That sounds kind of narcissistic, but I needed that little extra signal, cuz I wasn't exposed to lots of people when I was younger.

(There wasn't anything wrong with me when I was a kid, I just wasn't comfortable around large groups or strangers.)

Eventually, it got to the point that I would just stop talking and I would retreat inside my own head. Sometimes it lasted for a few minutes, others it lasted the rest of the day. I'd start getting myself down with my words, and I'd likely stay that way for a while.

Getting back to the actual point of this thread, when other's thoughts start to reflect my own in regards to my work, I can't handle it. Say whatever you want about it, I just can't do it. And I've tried, believe me I've tried.

But it's not like trying to stop biting your nails. I've had issues with this since I was in elementary school (so since I was like eight or nine). And it's not easy. Constantly, I seek out validation from others, and when nothing's there, I just... shut down, I guess.

And even when I do seek out validation, I always have a struggle with myself:

"Don't send them that, they'll think you're weird."

"They look busy. Don't bother them with nothing."

Fuck, even typing out those words is making me shaky, cuz I can't help but remember all the times I've said them. All the times I've had to stop myself from interacting with people.

But when my stuff does get validated, I get this sense of joy, y’know? Like, finally, someone appreciates what I’ve done and what I have to offer; someone other than my family or close friends... (don’t hate me, @lier3nn, you’re still my closest friend off this site and I appreciate you sticking with me, I do)

On Tumblr or Twitter, it's at least a little easier to interact with others. I don't really use my given name all that much on these type of sites; I either use the one I made up years ago (YXxXxXY) or my middle name (Rose). It gives me a sense of anonymity that I wouldn't get if I used my real name. 

But you can only have one first impression, and whatever it is, people will remember you for it. Maybe that's why I hated middle and high school, cuz you only get one shot to make it count. And more often than not I fuck it up.

And I live with the regrets every day: "What would have happened if...?" Even now, I'm second-guessing posting this. I'm afraid of what others will think. Is that weird of me? Any of you seeing this is a complete stranger to me, yet I'm still worried.

Yeah, I know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. That was made painfully obvious in school. But I'm the only one I know that feels it. Like, I don't know anyone else well enough to know if they feel the same way. And that's probably my fault more than anything.

I have friends, I do. But not deep enough to know how they feel about certain things. And whenever I want to know if they feel the same things, I always freeze. I crawl into my head again and don't come out. To me, that's better than embarrassing myself.

(But the fact that I’m opening up to complete strangers doesn’t bother me in the slightest, apparently.)

And I can't bring myself to actually ask them. Like I'd be prying into their personal life too much if I did...

I get into these funks every once in a while. This is just the first time it’s happened and centered around people doubting my stuff the same way I doubt my stuff. You’re your own worst enemy, right? Fucking philosophical bullshit that makes complete sense. But, I digress. Sometimes it’s better for me if I just get the words out; if I just say them out loud. You don’t even have to read or respond to this, and I’d already be feeling better just because I’ve written these words down. I’d have already started getting past it. I’ve travelled that path, and now it’s in the past. And I’d keep going, doing only what I could do (writing, for one. No one is gonna write what I want, so I have to, right?

... Still. There’s always a little part of me that is seeking validation through this post. And no matter what reaction it gets -- positive or negative -- it’ll always be at the back of my mind. So maybe I haven’t started getting over it. Not yet.

But I will, one day. It might take my entire life, or just a few hours. But I will get over it.